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Critical Role Wiki

List of Transcripts


MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons.

ALL: (discordant yelling) We play Dungeons & Dragons!

MATT: So, first off, thank you so much for joining us live on our Twitch and YouTube streams. Feel free to come and join us in the Twitch official moderated chat for this event in our Twitch channel. But tonight is something special. This is a crossover between Vox Machina and the Mighty Nein that was unlocked as part of our Kickstarter for the Legend of Vox Machina animated series a while back. So we wanted to just thank all you amazing backers that made this a reality. We're excited to throw down in this. I promise it's going to be an interesting evening, at the very least. For the most recent updates on the Legend of Vox Machina Kickstarter, you can go ahead and head to and see what has transpired there thus far. And lastly, a huge thanks to Anna Zee, @AnnaZee_S, for all the incredible art you'll see for tonight's game to fit the theme of this throw down. But I think that brings us to the end of our announcements for tonight.

ASHLEY and TRAVIS: (excited) Oh!

MATT: Let's go ahead and jump into tonight's episode of-- (cheering) Critical Role: Vox Machina Versus Mighty Nein.

Part I[]

MATT: And welcome back. Now, before we jump in, let's go ahead and just go around to let people know who you're playing for tonight. Starting with Travis over here.

TRAVIS: Oh, thank you, Matthew. (laughter) I'm the erudite, no, I'm playing Fjord, level 15, on the Mighty Nein. And it's important to note that I have backless chaps on for this entire fight.

SAM: Wow, wow.

MATT: Respect.

MARISHA: And in studio.

ASHLEY: Good to know.

MATT: Oh yeah.

TRAVIS: It's hot in here. I'm just keeping it airy.

MATT: It is now. (laughs) Awesome, thank you, Travis. Laura.

LAURA: Tonight, I will be portraying the role of-- (laughter) Jester with the Mighty Nein. You're all going down.

MATT: There you go. Marisha.

MARISHA: And I am joining team Mighty Nein--

TRAVIS: Let's go, let's go!

MARISHA: -- as Beau, AKA Thunder Beau.

MATT: Hell yeah.

MARISHA: Let's do this.

MATT: We'll come back to you.

TRAVIS: Thunder Beau?

SAM: ThunderBeau69.

MATT: Indeed. Ashley, you are portraying?

ASHLEY: Oh, me, who me?

TRAVIS: (cheers)

ASHLEY: I am Pike Trickfoot tonight, and get ready 'cause I'm going to heal all my friends! (laughter)

SAM: I don't remember her talking like that.

ASHLEY: I'm excited.

MATT: Sam.

SAM: Yeah! I'm Burt Reynolds here, yeah, I'm the real Reynolds, all you other Burts are just getting hurt! I don't know. (laughter)

MATT: Nope.

SAM: I'm Scanlan Shorthalt tonight, and I can't wait to make you proud. (laughter)

MATT: Liam O'Brien.

LIAM: I'm here tonight to play Vax'ildan, walking corpse. I died once, but it wasn't enough, I've come to do it again! (cheering)

MATT: Hell yeah.

LIAM: I mean, we're going to win.

MATT: Right. And Taliesin, the interesting seat for the evening.

TALIESIN: This is going to be very interesting because, obviously, we are an odd number. So for part of the evening, I will be playing the Terrible Tinkerer of Tal'Dorei, Percy, who will be here to fuck you all up.

TRAVIS: Whatever.

TALIESIN: And then the rest of the evening, I will be playing a very changed Mollymauk. We'll see how that goes.

MATT: Yeah, yeah. At a level you never had a chance to really experience.

TALIESIN: Oh, it's going to be a lot of fun.

LIAM: You got to switch.

MATT: Indeed. So, we'll get into the context of that, but let's go ahead and get this started. So.

LAURA: Oh, no, no, no, I'm so nervous.

MARISHA: Oh god, I'm so nervous.

LIAM: Let's just catch up on the week, you guys.

LAURA: Yeah. How've you been?

LIAM: It's the end of the week; it's been a long week.

ALL: Yeah.

LIAM: Worked hard this week.


MATT: (claps) Flash! (screaming)

MATT: (whooshing) Your eyes come to focus. A horrible ringing sound in your head.


MATT: The temperatures shifts to a strangely hot, burning, sulfurous sensation. You begin to notice around you, you're standing amongst a field of cracked onyx and dark slate with strange structures built around you. Walls, and pillars, and bits of twisted iron, and a massive tower not far from view. As you glance upward, you can see an expanse of iron bars that twist and overlap in this somewhat domed rectangular shape. Rising up around you, enclosing you within some sort of a massive oddly-shaped cage. And beyond that, a sky of dark ash and red ember hues. The wind itself blows a sickly warm. As you look past the ash-choked purple skyline, you can see a sourceless ruddy atmosphere glowing through the darkened clouds. Mighty Nein, as you, the three of you, begin to focus this odd expanse around you. (whooshing) Another flash. About a hundred or so feet away, Pike, Scanlan, Vax'ildan. You find yourselves in this same odd space, unfamiliar, in some ways kind of familiar, but not quite. You can't quite pinpoint where it is, but you do not know why or how you found yourselves present for this.

SAM: (gasps)

ASHLEY: (sniffs) One of you fart?

TRAVIS: (laughs)

SAM: Grog's not even here.

ASHLEY: Fair, it's just sulfur.

MATT: As you all begin to just take in the curiosity of your surroundings, you begin to hear this noise. (screeching) And you look up into the sky as hundreds and hundreds of shadows begin to swarm towards the space. Glancing up, you can see dozens and dozens and dozens more still climbing, tiny red scaled, fleshy creatures, with claws, and leathery wings, horned heads, and tooth-filled jaws clambering onto the sides of this cage and climbing up going (cackling)

LAURA: They're so cute!

MATT: Filling up the sides. Eventually, this black, red, and purple sky begins to give way to shadow, as hundreds of these strange devilish creatures of all sizes and shapes, begin to blot out the exterior. Until all you see are gnashing, jaws, claws, and grins above and all around you in this encased space. It gets louder, and louder, and louder, until suddenly they all go silent. The shrieking halts, the laughter comes to a stop, and all eyes seem to shift from you to the central tower in this enclosed space. There, glancing over, you see what looks to be, looking over the edge, a 10 foot tall humanoid devilish being, arms folded in the front. You can see his pale gray skin and bleached bone white hair that goes past his ankles. His body is framed by an elaborate maroon and silver nobleman's attire, and his eyes are black coals, void-like. And his smile, far too wide, peeking back almost to his ears. He raises his hands outwards. "Welcome, travelers, treasured guests. This eve you have been summoned from across land and time to settle a score for me and an associate. I have plucked and arranged few from your respective troops and to pit your teams against each other to sate our curiosity and settle our disagreement. Should you fight to your utmost ability, should you take no quarter with your opponent, should you stand victorious, and satisfy our a little bet, you shall be returned safely and in good health. Show mercy, and we will show none." The voice resonates and shakes the ground beneath your feet. "As I am an appreciator of chaos, I have arranged a field of combat before you, suffused with numerous hidden boons. Seek them and you may partake in their blessing. One final twist." And you watch as he puts his hand out, and a gem appears. It looks like a faintly glowing, about fist-sized, rough-hewn stone. One half a deep cerulean blue, the other a faint purplish, lavender coloration. "Within this stone lies two souls. One from each of your bands. Whomever finds and touches it first gains their ally. Rediscover it and the others may reverse their fortunes." He places the stone within a metal box and closes the lid, steps over it and places it onto a small stone table at the top of the tower. Right there. "Have the chosen champions a word before the fray?"

TRAVIS: Oh, is he asking us to talk?

MARISHA: I think so.


TRAVIS: We accept your challenge of mortal combat. (laughter)

LAURA: But I would just like to say that if you guys are really good, we're really sorry because you seem like cool people, and I don't want to hurt you, okay?

TRAVIS: And let it be known, we do have a vestige among us. I don't know if you know what that is, but it's quite powerful. If you wanted to quit now, we might understand.

ASHLEY: I don't know what a vestige is. (quiet laughter)

SAM: Nice one, Pike.

ASHLEY: What does that do?

TRAVIS: I feel like--

LAURA: I feel like she's lying?

TRAVIS: I feel-- yep.

MARISHA: It's pretty obvious, I think.


SAM: You seem to be a motley crew. We expect a fair fight. No trickery, no double crossing.

LAURA: Never.

SAM: No illegal magic.

ASHLEY: This one's hot!

MARISHA: Look at that.

ASHLEY: Weirdly attracted for some reason.

MARISHA: This is great. (laughter)

SAM: Pike!


SAM: You're on our team.

ASHLEY: Yeah, I know. I'm just trying to, like, boost them up so that, you know, they--

SAM: Reverse psychology?

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

LIAM: Wind up the sexual attention until it snaps.


SAM: We promise, if we win-- when we win, we won't defile your bodies.


SAM: Unless you're into that sort of thing. (laughter)

LAURA: Ditto, I promise I won't make it look like you guys totally were having an orgy over there.

SAM: I like that one.

LIAM: We could just do that instead, I'm going to throw that out there.

TRAVIS: You're saying Thunderdome orgy instead?

MARISHA: Maybe we give it 60 seconds and see how this goes.

MATT: "That was not the arrangement!" (laughter)

TRAVIS: All the devils are like, "boo!" (laughter)

LIAM: Wait, wait, crack open that gem, let's see what we get. (laughter)

MATT: "Silence!"


MARISHA: (laughs) There's a crackle and a bolt of light hits the center and all of you feel yourself blinded for a second. And then you find yourselves transported back to opposite sides of the chamber. With Vox Machina over here. (laughter)

LIAM: Let's go, gnomies!

LAURA: Oh god, oh god, oh god.

SAM: We're at a height disadvantage over here. That's why-- that's why we'll lose.

MATT: Mighty Nein over here.

ASHLEY: Oh, that's right, you and I are pretty small.

MATT: As you--

SAM: Don't have that reach.

MATT: -- take in your surroundings, the figure goes, "Very well. Mighty Nein, heroes of Wildemount. Vox Machina, heroes of Tal'Dorei."

SAM: And world, and the world actually, I mean.

TRAVIS: We're actually working on the world, too, at the moment. So maybe just.

SAM: How many episodes has that been taking you?

LAURA: We're kind of friends with the council of Tal'Dorei, I don't know if you guys have heard.

LIAM: Oh, you went to the Elemental Plane of Fire one time. Ooh!

MATT: "Begin!" (screaming)

MATT: Roll initiative, motherfuckers. (cheering)

MARISHA: Do we get that prep round?

MATT: We'll find out here in a second.

MARISHA: Come on, come on. Okay, that's okay, that's okay. Give me those boots.

ASHLEY: God fucking damn it.

LAURA: Well.

LIAM: God.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: That's pretty typical for me.

LIAM: How'd you do, Pickle?

MATT: 25 to 20?


LIAM: 21. (screaming)

TRAVIS: Who has the higher dex? You do right?

MARISHA: I think we're the same.

LIAM: We're the same.

MATT: All right. So I need you guys to roll off.


MATT: To see whose-- just roll a d20.

MARISHA: Come on, bitch. 15.

LIAM: 10, you got it.

SAM: Use that luck, use that luck!


SAM: Use that luck! We need that thing in the middle! Use that luck! Come on, it's the greatest feat in D&D! (laughter)

TALIESIN: Matt, I forgot Percy got a 22 if I'm rolling now.

MATT: Okay, all right.

TALIESIN: Are we rolling now?

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: All right, 22 for Percy.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: 22 for Percy?

LAURA: Right, right, right. I should write this down.

MATT: All right, so Beau quickly followed by Vax. You got it, okay.

TRAVIS: This is going to be interesting.

MATT: 20 to 15?


MARISHA: Yes, yes, Fjord, yes!

MATT: 15 to 10?

SAM: 14.

TRAVIS: Oh boy, look at this.

SAM: So wait, we got Beau, Vax, Fjord.

TRAVIS: We are flip flopping around.

MARISHA: Yeah, we are.

MATT: Yeah, we're going-- we're zig-zagging on this, that's kind of fun.

ASHLEY: Beau, Vax, Fjord, Scanlan.

MATT: 10 to five?

TALIESIN: Nine for Molly.

MATT: All righty.

MARISHA: Oh my god!

LAURA: Five for Jester.

LIAM: Scanlan, Molly--

MATT: All right, and?

ASHLEY: That's me, I rolled a one.

TRAVIS: Yeah, Pike! (cheering)

ASHLEY: You rolled a one, too?!

LAURA: I rolled a one, too. I just added initiative to it.

ASHLEY: What the heck? The clerics rolled the same. These guys rolled the same. Okay, okay, okay.

TRAVIS: It's a one plus what?

MATT: As if our games aren't filled with weirdest--

ASHLEY: I have nothing.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

ASHLEY: That's why Pike's initiative was always so low.

MATT: Yep, yep.

ASHLEY: Natural one. Maybe I got it out of the way.

MATT: On a one to three, you are granted a preparation round, which is not movement, just a singular action to prepare.

SAM: Singular action, not action, bonus action, just a singular action?

MATT: It's a singular action. If you want to trade that for a bonus action, you can.

SAM: Oh shit.

LAURA: On a one to three, only if you rolled one to three?

MATT: On a four to six, we go.

LAURA: Oh my gosh!


LAURA: Okay.

ASHLEY: So we get to do--

TRAVIS: Oh no, he's going to roll a d6 right now.

LIAM: He's rolling, everybody does or everybody doesn't.

MATT: It's a three.

TRAVIS: We get one thing.

ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay.

MATT: So, and for right now, we're not quite in initiative, because everyone gets to do this. So you just get one action, what are you doing?

TRAVIS: The thing I told you.

MATT: Okay, you got it.

LAURA: The thing I told you.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: What?!

ASHLEY: What is this?!

SAM: You guys had a fucking plan?!

MARISHA: (lightning crackling) Light up my lightning fists.

MATT: You got it.

ASHLEY: I'm going to cast Beacon of Hope.

SAM: What's that do, what's that do?

ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay. It's-- "this spell bestows hope and vitality. Choose any number of creatures within range." You two. "For the duration, each target has advantage on wisdom saving throws and death saving throws, and regains the maximum number of hit points possible from any healing."

SAM: Advantage on wisdom saving throws, that's all I heard. Great.

ASHLEY: Advantage on wisdom saving throws, and death saving-- Well, that doesn't matter.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: (scream-laughs)

MATT: Good start, what you got, Scanlan?

SAM: (groans)

LIAM: I'll go if he's still thinking.

SAM: Yeah, you go.

MATT: All right, what you got, Vax?

LIAM: I'm going to Bless the three of us. Take a d4 for everything.


SAM: Bless.

MATT: Bless, Bless.

MARISHA: (whispers) What did Beacon of Hope do?

LAURA: (whispers) Gave them advantage on wisdom saving throws and death saves.

MARISHA: Wisdom and death saving throws, okay.

LAURA: And they get healed max.

SAM: What is the most important thing to do?

MATT: I don't know, what is it?

SAM: Are you going to fucking race up there?

TALIESIN: It's such a good--

LAURA: But it's con, so you can [inaudible].

ASHLEY: She looks like a healer over there. We got to be careful.

LAURA: You can't see us yet!

TRAVIS: You don't see us.

LAURA: I don't look like a healer.

TRAVIS: This is a bad bitch! This is a bad, goth, lollipop-licking bitch!

ASHLEY: Woo! Woo!

SAM: ♪ Bigby's Hand! ♪

MATT: All righty.

ASHLEY: Okay, let me mark that off.

MATT: Oh man! The original hand is in the other room, so.

SAM: We can pause.

MATT: We can.

TRAVIS: Yeah, we can pause. Do you want to-- no, let's all freeze frame!

MATT: Freeze frame, grab it.

TRAVIS: Hold it. (groaning)

MATT: Well done, I just, I needed to-- I needed to use the original. (cheering) Hadn't busted that out in awhile.

TRAVIS: Might as well, man.

MATT: All righty, where do you want it to be?

SAM: Right next to that box.

MATT: How far, what's the range on it?

SAM: 120.

MATT: 120?

LIAM: Pop.

LAURA: Oh my gosh.

SAM: Or rather, right around that box.

MARISHA: Oh my gosh.

MATT: Well, I'll go ahead and roll a d6 first.

TRAVIS: You going to take the box?

LIAM: "What's in the box?"

MATT: So interesting point, you can't quite see what's up there, because you don't have a visual perspective.

SAM: Okay, okay. That's fair, that's fair.

MATT: Do you want to just try and swing at it? With Bigby's Hand, an open swing.

SAM: I will-- I wouldn't feel it if I grabbed it?


SAM: So yeah, I will just take a blind swipe.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Like a snatch?

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: Does the hand have hit points?

SAM: The hand does have hit points.

MATT: Okay, does it have-- have it just roll a constitution saving throw that's using your modifier.

SAM: Okay.

TRAVIS: Why does this?

SAM: Not great. 12.

MATT: 12, that is a failure.

TRAVIS: Fuck yeah.

TALIESIN: I'm so excited by all of this.

TRAVIS: So happy.

MATT: 19 points of necrotic damage to Bigby's Hand.

ASHLEY: For trying to grab--

LIAM: The hell box.

MATT: Because it swing-- it was swinging forward towards something, but--

SAM: I don't know what.

MATT: You don't know what.

SAM: And I don't know if I grabbed it.

MATT: You don't know.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: All right, so that's the opening action.

LAURA: Oh my gosh.

MATT: Now we're into initiative, top of the round.

TRAVIS: Holy fuck.

MATT: Beauregard.


MATT: You are right there.

TRAVIS: That's a lot of points of necrotic damage.

MARISHA: I am right there. Holy shit. I had an idea, but maybe this is wrong. I can get, oh, nope, I'm doing a Taliesin. These have windows or doors? These towers have windows to get to?

MATT: They do not have windows. They have a door in the front.

MARISHA: Both of them do?

MATT: They do, yes.

MARISHA: Um, which side am I on?

MATT: You are on this side, right there.

MARISHA: I'll go, double double, or can my 55 movement get me into the tower?

MATT: 10, 15, 20 Yep, you can indeed.

MARISHA: What's in there?

MATT: You push into here, the door opens, and there is a singular chest awaiting you on the inside.

TRAVIS: Oh shit, here we go.

MARISHA: Can I go and pop it open?

MATT: You can. It'll be your action to do so.


MATT: (creaking) You lift it open. Roll a d6 for me.

MARISHA: Come on, be something good. Something good, four?

MATT: Four. You find in there a wound piece of rope. Like a very, very finely braided twine that has a silver shimmer to it. You can add a rope of entanglement to your inventory.

MARISHA: Oh, interesting.

TRAVIS: What is that?


TRAVIS: Does anyone know what that is off the cuff?

MATT: It's interesting. You don't have to identify it. Once you grab it, you immediately understand what it's capable of. And the rope can be used on something within 30 feet of you to attempt to restrain them as part of an action.

SAM: Like a Grasping Vine, sort of.

LIAM: Wonder Woman.

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, okay.

MATT: If they're restrained, they can't move, attacks on them are at advantage, they have disadvantage on attacks, that kind of deal. If they fail the save. But add that to your inventory. But that's your movement, that's your action.

MARISHA: I have a bonus action?

MATT: You do.

MARISHA: Can I Step of the Wind, and get back out onto the playing field, and I want to get-- I want to get as close to the front of this door of this main tower as possible.

MATT: Front door there?


TRAVIS: Moving, moving, making moves! Let's go!

MATT: 50, right there.

MARISHA: So hot.

MATT: You just (zooming) rushing over there, (panting) catch yourself. It is extremely hot; you're already breaking a sweat.

TRAVIS: We need to animate this.

MARISHA: Cotton mouth, cotton mouth! (gasps)

MATT: All right, finishing Beau's go. Vax'ildan, what are you doing?

LIAM: (sighs) I grind my boots into the ground that's here under me and I smash my heels together and turn on the Boots of Haste, Laura Bailey! And then I use my action to bamf out the motherfucking wings! (laughter, yelling)

ALL: ♪ (opening guitar riff from "Immigrant Song") ♪

LAURA: Boosh!

LIAM: So I have a hasted action now, and 120 feet of movement. So I'm going to--

MATT: You do, flying. So where do you want to go?

ASHLEY: I get so excited, I give him a slap on the ass!

LIAM: Oh, Pickle!

ASHLEY: Let's go!

LIAM: And I launch into the air on an arc to the top of the tower to see what Bigby's Hand is seeing.

MATT: 120 feet, you can definitely get there.

LIAM: With distance to spare.

MATT: Yes indeed, you are-- Aw man, here, I'll go ahead and--

LIAM: Well, I might not stay there.

MATT: Right, I'm just giving a little bit of height here.

SAM: (yells) Game over.

MATT: Yeah, I'll just use this here. There, as you fly over there, wings out, Bigby's Hand is grasping-- it looks like there was a small, dark void, because you just got up there quickly, the hand swung through it, took damage, and retrieved the box from the middle of it. So the box is in Bigby's hand.

LIAM: Okay.

SAM: I don't know that though.

LIAM: You don't know that.

SAM: Will you yell it to me?

LIAM: Yes, I do. It's in the hand, Scan-man!

SAM: That rhymes! Wait, why am I Nott? (laughter)

LIAM: And--

TRAVIS: (wheezing, laughs)

MATT: How do you forget the character? We've been recording him for a year at least.

SAM: It's just my voice.

MATT: I know! (laughter)

TRAVIS: "It's just my voice!"

LIAM: So I'm not going to fuck with trying to take it from the hand, you've got it. So I'm going to, like a moving fucking shadow, arc in a circle around this side of the crenelations, and disappear from view, and I'm gone, motherfuckers.

MATT: Roll a stealth check.


LIAM: That is a 22.

MATT: A 22, indeed, nobody knows where you've gone. All right. That finishes Vax's go. Fjord, you're up, Scanlan, you're on deck.

TRAVIS: Oh no, this is going to go real sour, real fast. Ooh, boy! Okay, I am going to use the ability that I told you about and I am going to appear at the top of the tower. (whooshing)

SAM: Oh, shit!

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Glad I'm gone.

MATT: There is--

TRAVIS: A giant purple hand holding a fucking box.

MATT: There is the other half of your portal.

TRAVIS: Thank you.

SAM: Other half of your what?

TRAVIS: Other half... of me. Can I try and reach up, and seeing this giant purple hand holding a glowing box, go like "Fucking give me that!" And try and grab it out of his hand?

MATT: Yeah, go ahead, you can make--

TRAVIS: This hand is going to be stronger that I am!

MATT: This is a contested strength check.

TRAVIS: That's not good for me!

MATT: So as you rush forward under the chains, dart over towards the hand, I need you to go ahead and roll and add your strength modifier. I need you to go ahead and roll and add the hand's strength modifier.

TRAVIS: Well hold on, I don't know that the hand is-- does the hand have hit points?

SAM: It has hit points and a strength modifier.

MARISHA: Took some hefty damage.

TRAVIS: Oh, it did. Yeah, yeah yeah, I'll hit the hand. I'll attack the hand instead!

SAM: Don't slap my hand.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'll attack the hand with the Star Razor.

MATT: Go for it.

TRAVIS: Two strikes.

MATT: You got it.

TRAVIS: First one is 21 to hit?

SAM: Hits.

TRAVIS: Okay. Second one is a 24 to hit.

SAM: Hits.

TRAVIS: Great.

TRAVIS: First one is--

SAM: First damage of the night, guys.

TRAVIS: 17 points of slashing damage.

SAM: 'Kay, good, good.

TRAVIS: And the second one is-- 19 plus-- 21 points of slashing damage.

SAM: 'Kay. Hand's looking a little bit rougher.

TRAVIS: Oh, shit.

LAURA: It's standing!

SAM: Little bit rougher.

TRAVIS: Damn it.

ASHLEY: If it's gone, is it gone for good? Who knows, we don't know, we don't know.

TRAVIS: With my-- I do have action, I could try to stand on it, but I don't think I could hold onto it. Damn it, that fucking sucks. That's it, I can't do anything else.

LAURA: You could jump on it! You could jump on the hand.

TRAVIS: Yeah, and then fall as soon as it moves!

SAM: Or fly with it.

LAURA: Ride the hand.

TRAVIS: I'll jump on the hand. (laughter)

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Yes!

TRAVIS: Who cares, who cares?

SAM: Fuck it!

MATT: Okay, all right.

MARISHA: Nothing's real! I will say, I will say, I will say-- Well, the hand is holding the box, so it's not able to really defend itself or try and flick you off. It's your choice, keep the box, or try and knock off Fjord?

SAM: Keep the box.

MATT: All right, so yeah, with that--

SAM: I'll ride the lighting.

MATT: -- Fjord, you leap onto Scanlan's hand.

SAM: Wow.

MARISHA: This is already bananas. We've got Fjord surfing on Scanlan's hand in the first round!

LIAM: Let's get that cowboy accent out here!

TRAVIS: Yee-haw! (laughter)

MATT: Perfect.

SAM: First round!

MATT: All right, Fjord's done. Scanlan, you're up, with Jester on deck.

LIAM: I want to kill you all, but I love you guys so fucking much.

ASHLEY: I know!

MARISHA: I know, it's so great!

SAM: I believe it can move-- it can move up to 60 feet.

MATT: Indeed.

SAM: So-- aw, boy, can we get a top down-- far-- where-- where's?

MATT: You're right here.

TRAVIS: I wish I--

SAM: Yeah, I can't see the whole board, though.

TRAVIS: I really wish I had some better dexterity right now.

MATT: What are you looking for?

SAM: Nearest pool of lava, friend.

LAURA: (gasps) Oh god.

MATT: To you, that you know of, would be right over here.

TRAVIS: This is what we're here for, this is what we're here for.

SAM: It's 60 feet away?

MATT: It looks like it's roughly, maybe, we'll have to measure it if you're eyeballing it.

SAM: Okay.

TRAVIS: Yeah, it looks like there's four cages.

SAM: I would like to move the hand with Fjord on it, and go--

TRAVIS: In a loop-de-loop?

SAM: (loud impact)

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MATT: Yep, 55 feet is right above.

SAM: Straight into the lava. (yelling)

MARISHA: Fjord, no!

MATT: Fjord, do you want to let go?

TRAVIS: Well, I'm standing on it.

MATT: Correct. It's plummeting downward towards bubbling molten rock.

LAURA: Can you jump off as a reaction?

TRAVIS: Could I jump off, or could I try to stay on it if I wanted to?

MATT: This would be like, you can try and stay on it if you want to.

TRAVIS: Is it underneath me?

MATT: You were on the back of it, and then it went into a downward middle finger. You're underneath it, it's pushing your towards the lava.

TRAVIS: No, I'll push off.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: I'll try and push off in a way so I'm not hitting the lava first.

MATT: All right, I'll say that takes your reaction.


MATT: So you do kick off of it, which knocks you-- go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw for me.

SAM: (nervous laugh) I'm scared!

TRAVIS: 17, that was pretty good.

MATT: Not too bad. So you do fall prone and avoid plummeting into the lava.

TRAVIS: (laughs nervously)

MATT: But you do take--

MARISHA: Fall damage.

LAURA: Oh my god.

LIAM: He's getting off easy compared to lava.


MATT: 16 points of bludgeoning damage reduced to half.

TRAVIS: Okay, eight, great.

MATT: From kicking off. So eight points of bludgeoning damage to you and you are prone on the ground. The hand, does it continue its descent into lava?

SAM: I think actually-- well, I don't want to rewind, but like, I can't-- I don't know where I am. Can I see what's going on in front of me?

MATT: If you wanted to move over here.

SAM: Yes, I probably would have moved over, so I could see what the fuck's going on first.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: I would-- if I see Fjord fall off of it, or nameless green guy fall of it, I would probably stop it short of going into the lava.

MATT: You got it, okay.

SAM: And then use the rest of the hand's five feet of movement to move it towards me.

MATT: Okay, so yeah, it glides, it's roughly in this area right there.

TRAVIS: And it's still holding the box, right?

MATT: It's still holding the box in its hand as it turned around, and the middle finger out was pushing you down.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

SAM: Um, cool. Okay, great.

MATT: This is where--

SAM: (sighs) Because that was my bonus action.

TRAVIS: That's your bonus action?

SAM: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Moving the hand. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Wow. Wow. Respect.

ASHLEY: Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby.

SAM: Let's try to Dominate Person.

MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: Oh, that's a save on me, isn't it?

MATT: It is.

TRAVIS: What do I roll?

SAM: You roll a wisdom saving throw. Of course I'm doing this through the cone, and--

MATT: What do you say to dominate him?

SAM: I say, um, uh, I say, ♪ I came and you caught me red handed, ♪ ♪ fighting with a guy named Fjord ♪ (laughter) ♪ But now you got to start working for me ♪ ♪ so point that big ass sword ♪ ♪ And you're going to do some damage ♪ ♪ when you're fighting for the other side ♪ (laughter)

TRAVIS: I missed him!

MARISHA: I know!

TRAVIS: I missed him! (laughter)

MATT: Oh my goodness.

TRAVIS: I rolled a 17 plus four for a 21?

SAM: That's my DC.

MATT: So he just saves. (groaning and cheering) You are a lucky motherfucker. Because it was a concentration spell that you cast, Bigby's Hand does vanish.

SAM: Okay, okay.

MATT: Which means--

LIAM: The box clatters.

SAM: The box clatters.

MATT: Onto the ground right there.

SAM: Ooh, and it's a whole new ballgame, motherfucker. (laughter and cheering)


MATT: All righty!

TRAVIS: I love it!

MATT: Jester, you're up.

LAURA: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.

MARISHA: Jester, what can you do?!

LAURA: Well, okay, I'm going to-- I'm going to run out from behind the thing so I can see. Like, I don't know, like 30 feet?

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: And then just--

MATT: About where you get right there.

LAURA: I kind of just want to say fuck it right now and go for it, and I'm just going to cast Firestorm at 7th level over to the other side.

SAM: Oh!

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Well, they're clumped together.

LAURA: Which is 10 square feet of my choosing. So I want it to be all behind where I know we were on the other side, I'm going to aim for that area. So I can see Scanlan, so I'm going to--

MATT: What's the range on it?


MATT: What's the range on Firestorm?

LAURA: 150 feet.

MATT: Yeah, you got that.

LIAM: That's the whole damn field.

MATT: That entire side of the battlefield erupts in burning flame. (flames whooshing) Scanlan and Pike, you are surrounded, and I need a dex save from both of you.


TRAVIS: I'm really here for your outfit right now. Maybe after this we just take the tower?

LAURA: Thanks, Fjord, I like your ass!


LIAM: Chaps.

TRAVIS: I have no pants?! What fiend gave me no pants!?

SAM: I did pretty good, but I don't know if it's good enough. 19?

LAURA: Ugh, you save.

SAM: (nervous laugh)

ASHLEY: I didn't.

MATT: Okay, so go ahead and roll damage. Pike takes full, you take half. But you are--

SAM: 7d10?

MATT: Resistant to fire damage.

LIAM: 30 to 40 of damage coming your way, Pickle.

MATT: Because of your Plate of the Dawn Martyr.

ASHLEY: Fuck yeah.

LIAM: Oh, yeah!

SAM: Oh, she gets half anyway. Oh, that's good.

ASHLEY: Okay okay okay okay!

LAURA: 20, 30! 40!

SAM: (gasps)

LIAM: That saved your ass.


LAURA: 50, 53, 59 points of fire damage. Halved.

MATT: So 28 to both of you, points of fire damage. Pike, I need you to go ahead and roll a concentration check for me. So a constitution saving throw.

SAM: What do I get? I got Bless? Oh wait, I already saved.

MATT: Yeah, did you add a d4 to yours, Pike?


LIAM: Add a d4.

MATT: What was your total?

ASHLEY: It was nine.

MATT: Oh, you're fine.

ASHLEY: Yeah yeah yeah, wouldn't work.

MATT: (laughs) So you take your 28 points of fire damage, I need you to make a constitution saving throw for me.

LIAM: With a d4.

MATT: With a d4 added to it.

TALIESIN: Technically--

ASHLEY: Come on, you motherfucker! No.

MATT: All right, unfortunately, the spell that you had previously cast fades, losing concentration.

TRAVIS: Bless is out?

LIAM: Bless is in, but the advantage on wisdom saves is out.

TRAVIS: Gotcha.

SAM: That's big.

LIAM: Even more clutch with this devil.

TALIESIN: And the heals are gone, too.

MATT: I know, well. It's all right, it's okay. All right.

TRAVIS: This is so much fun! Sorry, I'm yelling a lot. I'm sorry, Willmott. (laughter)

MATT: All right, Jester.

LAURA: Can I use the rest of my movement-- No, no, that's it, that's all I got.

MATT: That's all you got, okay. Finishing Jester's go, it is now Pike's turn.

ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay. What I'm going to do is, I'm going to run out, and I'm going to go get the gem.

SAM: Yeah, yeah you are.

MATT: Okay. Now, you only have a movement of 25 feet.

SAM: Damn it, it's further than that?

TRAVIS: For clank clank cla-clank clank clank cla-clank clank.

MATT: Indeed.

LAURA: You could take off your armor.

MATT: You do have your Sprinter's Boots. Don't forget that, too.

ASHLEY: Yes, yes, yes, okay, Sprinter's Boots activate.

SAM: Sprinter's Boots, activate!

ASHLEY: Sprinter's Boots gives me an extra-- "When you're wearing these boots, you can use a bonus action to click the boots together." Okay, so that's my bonus action, clicking the boots.

MATT: All righty.

TALIESIN: I would like to sprint.

MARISHA: I would like to sprint!

MATT: 40, that gets you right to it. You see the box is on the ground, open, and the gem is exposed right there.

SAM: Grab that.

ASHLEY: Grab it.

MATT: As your hand touches the gem--


MATT: -- there's a moment where it flashes bright light. The two halves of its color shift to a full blue coloration. There is an apparating divine glow of blueish white light, and as it fades you look before you, you see fully armed and ready for battle, Percival de Rolo the Third.

TRAVIS: Oh shit!

ASHLEY: Hello, old friend.

TALIESIN: Oh, hello. Oh wait, I should--

TRAVIS: Is he right where she is, like right there?

MATT: Yeah, right where the gem was.

TRAVIS: And where am I?

MATT: You are on the ground, right there.

TRAVIS: That's a problem.

SAM: Percival Fredrickstein Klossowski Musel-- Muselix de Rolo the third.

TALIESIN: I turn my gun on Scanlan. (laughter)

SAM: I want that gun!

LIAM: Vex isn't here, he's all mine!

ASHLEY: Okay, so that was my bonus action, that was my movement.

MATT: You still have an action.

ASHLEY: I still have an action. Okay, so.

SAM: Fjord's right there, Fjord's right there.

ASHLEY: I see that blue one over there.

MATT: You do, you see the blue one over there, and you see that blue one right there. There's two blue ones, one dressed in blue, one colored blue.

SAM: We can see Jester from here?

ASHLEY: Oh, and Beau.

LAURA: I ran so I could see you guys for the--

ASHLEY: And Fjord's down there, too?

TRAVIS: (groans dramatically) I'm so near death. Oh, I fell so hard! (groans weakly)

ASHLEY: I'm going to look at Fjord,

TRAVIS: I'm not long for this world.

ASHLEY: Guiding Bolt.

MATT: Guiding Bolt?

ASHLEY: Guiding Bolt.

MATT: At what level?

ASHLEY: Or wait, nope! I'm going for Jester.

SAM: She's a dangerous motherfucker.

ASHLEY: She's a beast. She's a beast on the field, guys. Okay, I'm going to do that at... I'm going to do that-- I'm going to do that at first-- no, I'm going to do that at 2nd level!

MATT: 2nd level! All right, go ahead and roll an attack.

LAURA: I've got a lot of hit points, so that's nothing. Don't worry about it.

ASHLEY: I know, it's not a lot. Okay, so attack. Come on, fucking pick the right one.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

ASHLEY: I'm going to do this one. Okay. That is 24.

MATT: 24, okay. Laura? Check, I texted you something.

LAURA: That's 15 for me.

MATT: Okay, let me check one thing real fast here.

TRAVIS: He texted you.

LAURA: I know. Oh wait, I-- that's 15 for the second one, I didn't roll for the first one, hold on.

TRAVIS: Does water breathing work in lava?

LAURA: Eight.

MATT: Eight? All right, so, Pike, you-- (blasting) the Guiding Bolt flies out and impacts directly, and just goes through it, and a moment later, it goes, "Oh!"

ASHLEY: Goddamn it!

MATT: (groans) And tries to react, but doesn't quite sell it.

LAURA: (exaggerated pained sounds) It hurts so bad!

MARISHA: Jester! No!

LAURA: (exaggerated pained groaning)

ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay, okay. I forgot about that.

SAM: It's okay, it's okay.

ASHLEY: It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.

SAM: This is high level D&D, guys.

ASHLEY: Listen, listen, listen, we're going to fucking do this.

LIAM: The only secret she would be keeping.

ASHLEY: (grunts angrily)

MATT: You do have 10 more feet of--

ASHLEY: True, you're right.

SAM: 10 feet of movement?

MATT: 10 feet of movement still left on you, Pike, if you want it.

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, 10 feet of movement. Okay, I'll back up to wherever there's maybe a little bit of cover?

MATT: From who? (chuckles) Because you have Fjord right there.

ASHLEY: Where am I at right now, I'm sorry.

MATT: You're right there.

ASHLEY: It's kind of all-- okay, you know what? I'll just get a little closer to Scan-Man.

MATT: You got it.

ASHLEY: Yeah, okay.

MATT: All righty.

ASHLEY: (frustrated sigh)

SAM: That Firestorm thing doesn't last, right?

MATT: No, it's instant, and it's gone. Finishing Pike's go.

SAM: I want to scratch my face so bad.

MATT: It's Percy's turn.

TRAVIS: No, no!

ASHLEY: Forgot about that.

MATT: (laughs)

TRAVIS: Come on, von Musel Klossowski de Rolo the--

TALIESIN: Did I see what happened with Jester?

MATT: Yes, you did. Because Pike got you up, and then turned and fired a bolt, you watched over and followed it, and it just went through with no effect.

LAURA: I'm still in a lot of pain!

ASHLEY: She's fake, she's fake!

MATT: Full-on Paul Rubens in Buffy, like-- (exaggerated groaning) Yeah, not quite.

ASHLEY: (fake groaning)

TRAVIS and LAURA: (fake groaning)

TALIESIN: I'm going to turn to look at the green one on the floor.

TRAVIS: Oh, but I'm so near death.

TALIESIN: Nothing personal. I'm taking two shots with Animus.

LAURA: Oh my gosh, my husband's attacking my boyfriend, this is weird.

MATT: So you have disadvantage on this attack.

LIAM: Do you mean hot? Because I think you mean hot.

MATT: Yeah, the prone is actually helping you right now because he has disadvantage on you with ranged weapons against a prone target.

TRAVIS: Thank you.

TALIESIN: Oh damn, that's only a 23 to hit.

MATT: (laughs) Does that hit you? All right.

MARISHA: At disadvantage?

TALIESIN: At disadvantage.

SAM: The snitch is back.

TALIESIN: I'm using my smaller gun, so I'm also going to pump all of the-- everything I've got with Cabal's Ruin.

LAURA: Oh no!

MATT: All right, so 6d6 points of lightning damage added to the weapon shot.



TALIESIN: So that's...

LAURA: Could this be like, instant, like--?

TRAVIS: I don't know.

TALIESIN: It's 11 points of-- 11 points of damage, I think, and-- 11 points of normal damage.

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Three points of psychic damage.


TALIESIN: And-- oh, you're very lucky, this did not go well.

MARISHA: Did we see where the gem went? Did you announce anything like that yet?

SAM: Wait, what happens to the gem after we use it?


MATT: We'll find out in just a second.

TALIESIN: And 17-- it's d6s, right?

MATT: Correct.

TALIESIN: For the Cabal's. Yes, four, eight, (mutters quietly) 17 points of lightning damage on top of that.

TRAVIS: Wow, cool.

LAURA: I thought it was just straight up "66," I didn't hear "6d6."

MATT: No, 6d6. Yeah, he still has to roll for it.

LAURA: I was like (gasps) that's a lot!

MATT: You do also have a second shot.

TALIESIN: Yes, that's right.

SAM: (like Percy) Oh yes, that's right.

MATT: And a third shot, because you're a level 15 fighter.

SAM: (like Percy) Oh, how could I have forgotten?

TALIESIN: That's same-- same attack. So that's-- like 22 to hit-- 14, 15, 16, 17...

TRAVIS: It hits!

TALIESIN: Oh, still at disadvantage. Yup, yeah. 22 to hit.

TRAVIS: Yes, sir. Lord.

TALIESIN: Trying to remember. Six points of psychic damage and three points of piercing damage.


MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: Jesus, that's almost--

TALIESIN: And... One more, I'm trying to remember how to do this. Let's, just for fun... Oh no, it's too late, I've already-- No, okay, so third shot I'm going to use--

ASHLEY: (burps)

TALIESIN: Where is he?

TRAVIS: (laughs) What the hell was that?

TALIESIN: No, I'm fine, I'm fine. Just going to go for one more. That's a one, my gun-- (cracking)

SAM: Oh no.

MARISHA: Oh shit!

TALIESIN: I'm going to use a bonus action, though, to knock it, and pop it back into place.

MATT: You got it, but you lost the attack. So the attack fails, but he manages to rapidly repair it.

TRAVIS: Percy is a bad, bad dude.

TALIESIN: Goodbye, sir. And I'm going to start running up the tower that's right behind me.


LAURA: Oh, spider climb.

TALIESIN: 30 feet.

SAM: Oh, that's right!

LAURA: I forgot about those boots!

SAM: Oh god! Vox Machina's so OP!

LAURA: Vox Machina was so OP! Like, look at how much more you guys have at level 15 than we have, item wise.

SAM: You're playing smarter. We're playing harder.

TRAVIS: Percy is-- he's on the roof. Scanlan is where?

MATT: Scanlan and Pike are both right there.

TRAVIS: Oh my god.

MATT: They're all right there.

TRAVIS: I'm so happy to be here.

ASHLEY: Well, we're clumped together.

MATT: There's a bright light above, and you glance out the corner of your eye, you see the gem apparate and then-- (gentle whoosh) float into the chamber where Beau previously was.

LAURA: (gasps)

TALIESIN: I took five points of psychic damage as well.

MATT: You got it, mark that down.

SAM: Oh, wait a second! But they-- how could they-- what?

MATT: Beauregard, it's your turn.

MARISHA: Do do do do do do do! Right back to the tower that I came from, 55 feet of movement!

MATT: Do you want to go around it, or over the wall?

MARISHA: However I got there, whatever, the shortest distance.

MATT: Go ahead and just roll an athletics check for me. To see if you can climb up and pole vault over the wall, which is easy enough for you as a monk.

MARISHA: Natural 19, so 29.

MATT: Oh, without issues. Yeah, you get up to the gem immediately. As you enter the chamber where it is, go ahead and roll a d6 for me.

SAM: Some sort of effect.


MATT: Three. You can see, there's no box, there's just the gem, but there is a field of crackling electrical energy surrounding it. (crackling electricity)

MARISHA: I go: This is going to hurt. (groans)

MATT: Okay, go ahead and roll a constitution saving throw for me, please.

MARISHA: Okay. Okay.

TRAVIS: I know, right?

MARISHA: That is, con is plus eight, so 25 total. I rolled a 17.

MATT: That would be 16 points of lightning damage, you take eight instead. And you reach through and-- (cracking) grab the gem. As you do, the gem-- (rushing air) vanishes from your sight. No apparent effect.

MARISHA: Caduceus? Is it going to be Caduceus? Caduceus!

MATT: As Percy's up there on the side of the wall, a light swirls around him.

TALIESIN: (as Percy) Oh for fucks sake!


MATT: As Mollymauk appears on the roof, and he immediately slides and falls.

MARISHA: Oh shit.

SAM: He appeared next to us?

TALIESIN: (as Molly) Oh for fuck's sake!

MATT: Where Percy was.

MARISHA: Oh shit!

LAURA: That sucks!

TRAVIS: This is the best kind of mayhem ever!

ASHLEY: Yes, that's amazing.

SAM: He's behind me!

MATT: If you could roll an athletics-- or an acrobatics check for me, Mollymauk.

TRAVIS: He is dangerous no matter where he is!

TALIESIN: Acrobatics check.

TRAVIS: At any time!


MATT: No matter where he is at the time.

TALIESIN: That's a 16.

ASHLEY: The body will stay wherever the body was at.

MATT: So it seems.

TRAVIS: And when his body changes, that's his new initiative place?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Oh fuck.

MARISHA: So you're about to go.

SAM: So he's going to go.

MARISHA: He's going to go, yeah.


MATT: Oh yeah.

TRAVIS: Unless he changes back.

MATT: You take one point of bludgeoning damage from the fall and then catch yourself. You do not fall prone.

TALIESIN: One point of bludgeoning damage.

TRAVIS: Oh my god, Matt, this is the fucking best.

ASHLEY: This is awesome!

TRAVIS: Oh boy.

MARISHA: Holy shit.

MATT: All right, so Beau, that's your movement, and that's your action. You still have a bonus action.


MATT: This gem is gone.

MARISHA: Shit shit shit. Yeah, you know what, I might as well Step of the Wind to get back out, but you know what, let me start heading towards Jester this time.

MATT: Over here?

MARISHA: Yeah, shit, I did it again. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: How much more movement do I have?

MATT: That's 50 feet right there if you want to get there.

MARISHA: Okay, let me back up and go-- can I split the difference behind where this cage situation is?

MATT: Over here?

MARISHA: No no no, this front--

LAURA: In between, yeah.

MARISHA: Yes, yes, there we go, that's good.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: (chuckles) Oh man this is getting wild.

MATT: Now, Beauregard. Actually, no, I'll roll it here. Oh. The gem shines once more in the sky.

LAURA: Oh, that fast? I thought it was once per round.

MATT: No, it's shortly after it arrives. So the chase continuously--

SAM: But Mollymauk's still there. Just there's also a gem.

MATT: There's just also a gem out there, yeah.

SAM: Got it.

ASHLEY: After it's activated, then it moves.

SAM: Is that the-- God, I can't see where anything is. Is that the tower near where we are?

TRAVIS: Closest to Liam.

ASHLEY: Yes, it's by us.

MATT: No, the tower-- you guys are on that one.

SAM: Okay, thank you.

MATT: This is on the opposite backside. Yes. So all right, that finishes Beauregard's turn.


LAURA: Oh right, because-- okay.

LIAM: All right, Vax.

SAM: Come on, fuck 'em up, Vax.

LIAM: So Vax, like a Venom symbiote, is hanging upside down under the crenelations behind the fucking tower.


LIAM: Umbrella'd over from your fucking Firestorm and comes creeping along, like The Ring girl, and sees the green man lying in the ground. (hisses) Boom! And I land on his chest and I sink Whisper into his chest.

TRAVIS: (groans)

MATT: Go ahead and roll for an attack with advantage because he's prone.


TALIESIN: Oh, is he within 30 feet of me?

LIAM: 29 to hit.

TRAVIS: That most definitely hits. I don't know if I've ever been hit higher.

LIAM: It's actually, hold on, 31.

ASHLEY: Oh my gosh!

LIAM: With the Bless.

TRAVIS: That is the highest I've ever been hit.

LAURA: Is he within 30 feet?

TALIESIN: I'm fine, don't worry about it.

MATT: All right, so what was the attack roll?

LIAM: 31. With my Bless.

MATT: Yeah, that hits.

TRAVIS: I think so?

MATT: Yeah, okay, go ahead and roll damage.

ASHLEY: Just hits!

TRAVIS: Just a tiddy bit! Just the nipple bit.

LIAM: ♪ It's been awhile! ♪ Okay, so that's eight for the dagger then there's radiant as well. That is... Oh wait, what did I roll? 17.

SAM: Vax?

LIAM: Yes.

SAM: What about the Armor of Agathys?

LIAM: It's fine.

SAM: Get off him.

TRAVIS: I'm not wearing it yet.

SAM: Oh, thank god.

LIAM: 13 for the dagger. Here comes the sneak attack, 13--

TRAVIS: Eight plus 13, okay.

LIAM: -- 18, 19, 22, 27, 30, 35, 40 points of damage.

TRAVIS: So eight plus 13 plus 40?

LIAM: No, total is 40.

TRAVIS: Got it, okay.

MATT: (exhales) That is a rough fucking hit.

TRAVIS: Nice, hold on, hold on just a (wheezes) just a durn minute. The Star Razor flashes after getting my anus hit, and you take nine points of radiant damage. And I will immediately teleport to right behind you.


LIAM: Okay.

TRAVIS: Or no no, within 10 feet of me, so I'm going to actually move out of the way. I will move.

MATT: All right, you are still on the ground. But you (whoosh) out of the way.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'll move 10 feet away from him towards--

MATT: Roll a concentration check for me, please. So constitution saving throw.

TRAVIS: I'll move 10 feet towards Molly, actually. Away from him. Still laying on the ground.

LIAM: That's a 10.

MATT: That's a 10, so you maintain concentration.

LIAM: Am I aware of where he is? Do I hear like a (blowing air) behind me?

MATT: He vanishes and he's 10 feet from you, yeah, you see where he is.

LIAM: Okay, and he's on his back?

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: I leap on him again and I stab him again. This time with the life stealing dagger.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: This my hasted action.

MATT: Just leaping and stabbing like a crow, or a raven, trying to hunt down its carrion.

LIAM: That is a... 28, nope. 30 to hit.

TRAVIS: Yes sir, it does.

LIAM: Okay. Go away Divine Sense menu. What's going on, get out of my way, I'm trying to see my daggers. Life stealing, okay, 1d4 plus six for eight points of damage.


LIAM: And I'm going to use my bonus action to do an offhand attack and stab this motherfucker again.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Natural 20.

MARISHA: (groans)


MARISHA: Fucking shit.

MATT: Thankfully, not the sneak attack.

LAURA: Yeah, it's not the sneak attack.

TRAVIS: Yeah, here, I'll give you one point of radiant damage for that last hit.

LIAM: "When you roll a 20 on the attack roll, the target takes an extra 10 necrotic damage." I also gain 10 temporary hit points.

MATT: Correct.


LAURA: That was with the life stealing dagger?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: Yes, it was. I didn't throw it. I was holding it. Two...

TRAVIS: I hadn't been hit yet. Oh, they're temporary, that's good.

LIAM: So that's 18 points of damage to you, and 10 points of temporary to me.


LIAM: So that was three attacks.

TRAVIS: Does the 18 get doubled because it's a crit?

MATT: No, he already factored that--

LIAM: No, I didn't double the dice. So I rolled-- take another two points of damage because it's a d4. That's the part that gets doubled.

TRAVIS: Got it.

LIAM: And I will fly-- it probably took me, like, 40 or 50 feet-- 50 feet to get there?

MATT: To get there? No, no, because you were up on this side.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: So that would have been--

TRAVIS: Before you leave! Take eight points of radiant damage!


SAM: Nice!

MATT: Roll another concentration check, please.

LIAM: Okay, yup.

MATT: For each of those three, so two more.

LIAM: First one's a 14. Second one's a two.

MATT: You lose Bless.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: So did everybody else.

LIAM: Okay.

SAM: No more Bless?

MATT: Bless fades from the troop.

MARISHA: You might be able to still swing at him?

TRAVIS: And I can't take an opportunity attack from my back, right?

MATT: You can.

TRAVIS: Oh, okay.

MARISHA: Holy shit.

MATT: Pretty sure you can.

LAURA: Chop his feet off! (laughter)

TRAVIS: All you hear is-- (sputtering) Just blood coming out of my mouth.

MATT: That is terrifying.

LAURA: Are you, like, so low?

TRAVIS: Y-yeah.

MATT: 60 feet to get there.

TRAVIS: It has not been good.

LIAM: 60 feet? I'll fly back where I can from.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Ish, behind the tower.

MATT: Checking here just to be sure. Prone... Yeah, so you can definitely make an opportunity attack against him. It has disadvantage.

TRAVIS: Awesome, I will-- oh, disadvantage.

MATT: Correct.

TRAVIS: Oh, that's natural 20. So the lower one was 26.

MATT: So yeah, you do get hit.

LIAM: That hits.

TRAVIS: Great. I'll hit him with the Star Razor. Opportunity attack, I can't dump anything into it like a Divine Smite, right? Just the swipe?

MATT: Yeah, you can.

TRAVIS: I'll pump a 5th-level Divine Smite.

LIAM: Ooh, ouch!

TRAVIS: This might be the closest I get to you all game.

MARISHA: Yeah, no shit.

TRAVIS: Nine plus 10 plus two, so 21 points of slashing damage.

LIAM: I'll use Uncanny Dodge to half this damage.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Beautiful. And I will Divine Smite, 5d8.

MATT: What was the number before this? Just so we have it.

TRAVIS: What's that?

MATT: The damage you rolled before the Divine Smite.


MATT: 21, okay, so 21 plus--

ASHLEY: Oh man. This makes me feel bad.


SAM: Jester can come heal him.


LAURA: Wait, what?

ASHLEY: Nothing.

SAM: Don't feel bad. We'll kill Fjord--

TRAVIS: 36 points of smite. 5d8, right, yeah, 36 points.

MATT: Okay, so 21 plus 36.


MATT: So 58 points of damaged halved.

LIAM: 28.

MATT: 28 points of damage to you. So 10 of your temporary hit points are gone, and you take 18 on top of that. You got it. And with that, you dart back, you're not hidden because you used all your actions this turn.

LIAM: Right, but I am behind the tower, flying.

MATT: You are behind the tower?

LIAM: That's where I wanted to go to.

MATT: Okay, I thought you were under the lip there. So you would not have enough movement to get back to where you were.

LIAM: Okay, well then--

TRAVIS: You just fly.

LIAM: Yeah, I'll just get as far as I can get then.

MATT: Okay, that'll put you at about, we'll say... Sure.

LAURA: Sure.

MATT: Sure, we'll do that.

LIAM: If I knew that I wasn't going to make it as far as I thought I would, I would go between the tower and the little tower in the corner. So just like, free floating towards the back of your map.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Why didn't you go get the fucking gem, dude?

LIAM: I didn't see it.

SAM: Ah.

LIAM: I was upside down on the direct backside of that tower.

MATT: So you'll be about there, we'll say.

ASHLEY: Do we see-- question, do we see that the gem is moving? Do we see that the gem is moving, or is it magical where it just (puff of air) appears somewhere?

MATT: No, you see where it, like, seems to fade through the space.

ASHLEY: Okay, okay.

MATT: Yeah, yeah, so everyone is always aware of where it's going. It's part of the tactical aspect of this.


MATT: Unless they're hiding and being off in the middle of nowhere. That's a hell of an opening round.

TRAVIS: Yes, thank you, that was a lot of, a lot of damage.

MATT: Fjord, it's your turn now.

TRAVIS: (groans)

MATT: Scanlan on deck.

TRAVIS: Fuck! I get up. (yells) Who are the two from the other group that over there, Scanlan and Pike?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: How far away from me-- are they from each other?

MATT: 10 feet, and they're right next to each other.

TRAVIS: I just walk over slowly, and I go like: Can we maybe call it a truce? I mean, you guys are really strong. What do you say? I'll join your side?

SAM: Oh, that sounds great.

ASHLEY: Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.

TRAVIS: And I cast Thunder Step.

SAM: Oh, I cast Counterspell.

TRAVIS: (yells) (yelling and laughter)

MATT: Thunder Step is what level?

TRAVIS: Fifth.

MATT: Fifth, so you need to roll for this.

SAM: Oh shit.

MATT: So roll a d20 and add your charisma modifier.

LIAM: He's got to cast everything at fifth.

SAM: Oh good, charisma modifier?

MATT: Correct.

TRAVIS: Which is a million.

SAM: 19.

MATT: Yeah, that dispels.

TRAVIS: I don't know if it does or not, I've never had a dispelled.

ASHLEY: Oh my buddies!

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Cool, cool cool. So I'm standing here now in front of two of you.

MATT: (laughs)

TRAVIS: That was unfortunate. I have a bonus action.

MARISHA: Anything. Anything!

TRAVIS: Oh, I know, anything would be dandy.

LAURA: You're a cleric, Pike, you have to help him! (laughter) It's part of the call.

ASHLEY: Who's yelling at me right now?

SAM: Do no harm.

LAURA: You just see my duplicate going. "It's me!"

MATT: Make a persuasion check with disadvantage.

LIAM: Do we know where Jester actually is yet?

MATT: Currently, no.

LIAM: Nah, awesome. That's cool.

TRAVIS: Could I go: Uh... (squeak of air) And Marine Layer just starts to come out of me. (laughter)


TRAVIS: Like a scared octopus.


TRAVIS: Oh, you made me ink. (laughter)

TALIESIN: And you still have movement, right?

LAURA: Oh, you do have some movement!


TALIESIN: Once it's out there.

LAURA: Use that.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I think I have like, five or 10 left. I'll just back up in a nondescript direction once the cloud's out.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Very quietly!

ASHLEY: Do we get an attack of opportunity?

MATT: You both get attacks of opportunity on him as he moves away. Because they are within five feet of you, they can see you.

SAM: Are you sure you want to do that, buddy?

TRAVIS: I'm kind of fucked, so.

SAM: You know what, I can't do it, because I just used my reaction.

MATT: You don't have a reaction, so only Pike can.

ASHLEY: So it has to be up to me to kill him?! Okay! (laughter)

MATT: Fjord, are you doing this?

TRAVIS: I guess it's got to be, I guess-- I'm checking one last thing.

MATT: Is it a person next to you, or a person of your choice next to you? I think it's next to you in general. For, to be able to see in the fog cloud? How many beings that are next to you can still see? I think it's any creature.

TRAVIS: All creatures.

MATT: Yeah, so yeah. Scanlan can't do much, but Pike can see you for an attack of opportunity.

TRAVIS: (whooshing) Ugh! (laughter)

MATT: So, you thought it was Grog that farted when you got here.


MATT: And in a way, it kind of is.

ASHLEY: This one tastes salty!

MATT: (chuckles)

MATT: So you're moving back this way?


LAURA: Aw, you're both sailors! Don't kill him! You would be best of friends.

TRAVIS: Towards Molly, because now it's Molly.

SAM: Can I see which way he goes?

LIAM: No, he's in his ink cloud.

MATT: You see him vanish into the cloud. You see him step back, this way and then (poofing) goes away. Pike, go ahead and make your attack

ASHLEY: Okay. Which ship did you sail on, friend?

TRAVIS: What?!

ASHLEY: What ship did you sail on?

TRAVIS: The Balleater.

LAURA: (laughs)

TRAVIS: What ship did you sail on?

ASHLEY: The fucking Brokenhowl.

TRAVIS: That's a cool name.

ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay. 18?

MARISHA: She's just berating you before she kills you.

TALIESIN: Blood Curse of the Eyeless, please.

LAURA: What's your AC, what's your AC?

MATT: Blood Curse of the Eyeless, do you have to be able to see the creature? Fjord's sitting next to me.

MATT: Fjord did... Step there...

SAM: Half movement to stand up.

MATT: Yeah, no.

TALIESIN: All right.

MATT: No, it was half, you're right, it was half movement to get up, which would have been only five feet this way. So you wouldn't be able to get out of-- Actually, no, with the five feet there, you wouldn't of even been able to get out of her combat range.

TRAVIS: Oh, okay.

MATT: So you step out of Scanlan's, but you're still next to Pike.

SAM: So she doesn't get an attack.

TRAVIS: I'll just stay there and fog it up.

MATT: There you go.

ASHLEY: I don't attack him.

TRAVIS: Well, then maybe, do I not use the fog either then if I'm not running?

LAURA: You used the fog.

TRAVIS: Okay. (fake fart)

LAURA: Pike sees you, but Scanlan can't. Because you got out of Scanlan's range, but not out of Pike's.

MATT: Yeah, Scanlan currently cannot see.

TRAVIS: Oh, fair enough.

MATT: You are just lost in fog right now. All right, finishing up Fjord's go, Scanlan, you're up, and then Molly, you're on deck.

SAM: Okay, so, just trying figure out what I saw. I saw smoke come out of this man.

MATT: Yes, and then he stepped into it and vanished. And right now all you can see is Pike immediately to the right of you, and you are surrounded in a dense fog.

SAM: Okay. Pike immediately to the right of me, not knowing where he is, I would probably-- And I don't know where anyone else is either. I would probably just make sure I know where Pike is, feel out for her, and then shoot Thunderwave forward, 15 feet out and forward.

MATT: Okay.


MATT: To not hit Pike with it?

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: I mean, I can't really see anything at this point.

MATT: Which works for you.

SAM: But I would step in the direction-- I would take a step in the direction that I think he was.

MATT: All righty.

SAM: And then I would fire it.

MATT: That would (muffled explosion) out forward, would catch you. So what's the save on that?

SAM: It is-- boy oh boy.

MATT: Is it dexterity, constitution?

SAM: It is constitution, 21.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Oh my god, really? That's super high.

SAM: But I only did it at 3rd-level.

LAURA: Because he's got a cone.

TRAVIS: Yeah, that's an 18.

MATT: Failure.

TRAVIS: (chuckles)

SAM: Okay.

MARISHA: I forgot how much of a beast Scanlan was.

TRAVIS: They all are OP.

TALIESIN: I'm going to hit Blood Curse of Exposure, if I can. Which will give him resistance to it.

MATT: Unfortunately, you can't see either right now.

TALIESIN: Oh, never mind.

MATT: Like Scanlan, all of a sudden the area filled with fog. You know loosely where people were before the fog appeared, but you do not have sight.

LAURA: Does the Thunderwave blow the fog away at all?

MATT: No, the fog cannot be dissipated by exterior effects.

TALIESIN: Nevermind.

SAM: 14 points of damage.

MATT: So you take 14 points of thunder damage.

TRAVIS: Okay. 13 points? 14.

SAM: 14 points, and also you're pushed 10 feet away.

MATT: Indeed. So you hit the wall there. So you can't move any further than that. So only five feet pushed away. All right, you can still move if you like, and you have a bonus action.

SAM: Yes, I will move, but not before I inspire Pike Trickfoot!

ASHLEY: (gasps)

SAM: ♪ It's up to you, Mrs. Shorthalt-to-be, ♪ ♪ Everlight loves you more than you can know! ♪ ♪ Whoa whoa whoa ♪ (laughter)

SAM: ♪ Whoa whoa whoa. ♪ (laughter)

MATT: All right, so is that a d10 inspiration?

SAM: I believe it's a d12.

MATT: At this level?

SAM: I'll look, I'll look.


MATT: I know it's a d12 at the higher bard levels, I'm not sure--

SAM: "Bardic inspiration: as a bonus action-- -- who can hear gains an inspiration die of 1d12."

MATT: So it is a d12 at this level, great. So you have a d12 that you can add to an attack or a saving throw, up to you.

SAM: And then I will use the rest of my movement to back around that tower thing that we started behind.

MATT: Right here?

SAM: Yeah. Out of view.

MATT: That's as much as you can get next to that cage there. You got it. All righty, that finishes that go. Molly, you're up.

TALIESIN: What can I see, and where am I?

MATT: You are right here at the edge of the tower after plummeting down there. You know loosely where Pike, Scanlan, and Fjord were ahead in that space, but you, right now, are just covered in fog.

TALIESIN: All right, first thing I'm going to do is I'm going to start up one of my swords. I'm going to give myself a little cut.

MATT: All righty.

TALIESIN: Gonna get some radiant damage going.

MATT: All right, so you're using Rite of the Dawn?

TALIESIN: Rite of the Dawn. Take my six damage. Ooh, rough. I'm going to edge around the tower to my left, because I can feel it.

MATT: Okay, and you step out of the fog after 10 feet.

TALIESIN: 10 feet?

MATT: Yes.

TALIESIN: All right. And I can see Scanlan?

MATT: You can.

TALIESIN: I'm going to run full speed at Scanlan.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: I can move 35 more feet.

MATT: Yeah, you are right there up against him.

TALIESIN: Right. I'm going to take a couple slashes.

MATT: Go for it. So as you back up and turn the corner out of the fog, you see this lavender tiefling, horned and beautifully dressed, two scimitars, one that is glowing a bright, bright radiant color, and goes in to try and cut you.

SAM: Oh shit.

TRAVIS: Level 15 Molly!

LAURA: Oh my god. This is exciting.

MARISHA: I know, we've never seen this. Well, unless it's against us.

TALIESIN: I'm going to use Edge of the Endless for both of these attacks.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: So that's 20 to hit.

SAM: For the first, I will--

MATT: You do not-- no, you do have your reaction back, because you got your turn.

SAM: Shit, do I wait? I don't know what this thing can do. I'll wait and see what the first one does.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: All right, that's--

SAM: Mistake, I should have done it.

TALIESIN: That's not much yet. That's (blows raspberry). That sucks. That's one radiant damage and two slashing damage.

MATT: Plus your, plus what?

SAM: Plus the sword.

MATT: Plus the sword and your dexterity.

SAM: The sword has something, right?


MATT: Plus your sword and the dexterity, should be next to the attack.

TALIESIN: What am I missing?

SAM: Aren't swords usually like 1d6 plus eight?

TALIESIN: Oh, yes, you're right, so sorry. It's been so long since I've had to do this, I've been-- Yeah, that's nine points of slashing damage, one point of radiant damage.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: So 10 points of damage on that first hit.

SAM: Great.

TALIESIN: That's 21 to hit.

MATT: That hits.


SAM: Wasn't that bad.

TALIESIN: That's 10 points of slashing damage, seven points of radiant damage.

MATT: So 17 points of damage to you. Is that all you're doing?

TALIESIN: I can only do two attacks, I've already burned my bonus action, and my movement, so. And I can't do that other thing except at the top of my turn if I recall?

MATT: Correct. You do have something you can do on an attack if you wanted to.

TALIESIN: Okay, that's right, what is it? There's a bunch of new stuff, so I'm going to be a little clunky.

SAM: You know what, why don't you figure it out for the next time you're Mollymauk?

TALIESIN: Yeah, no, no.

MATT: For instance, the brand just happens as part of an attack.

TALIESIN: Oh, that's right, I should have branded him at the beginning of the...

MATT: Yeah, but.

LAURA: Oh, it's like Hunter's Mark.

ASHLEY: Turns out it's actually really hard to play when you skip levels that you don't learn.

MATT: To be fair, it is your first time, and you could brand on the first strike if you'd like to.

TALIESIN: I would like to brand on the first strike if I'd like. It seems only reasonable considering what's going on.

LIAM: You're jumping into a high level character.

TALIESIN: Yeah, this is a lot.

MATT: Yeah.


SAM: "The brand"? What does that do?

MATT: You'll find out in a second.

LAURA: You'll find out.

SAM: But I mean, do I feel it?

TALIESIN: You take another eight points of radiant damage.

SAM: Oh which hit?

MATT: The first hit.

SAM: Okay.

TALIESIN: That's both hits.

MATT: You have to brand him as part of the first hit, and then from that point forward, it does additional damage.

TALIESIN: Oh, in that case, seven points of radiant damage.

SAM: Total.

TALIESIN: Yes, extra.

SAM: Extra.

MATT: So as the first strike cuts through you, the light hits you, and you feel this burning sensation where the wound was. And you glance down and see some sort of blood glyph that's now burned into the space where the image hit. The second hit hits you and it hurts more than the first one did as the glyph burns bright.

SAM: I feel like if I had that thing sear into my chest, I would have tried to Cutting Words the second one.

MATT: Do you want to?

SAM: Yeah.

TRAVIS: (laughs) Yeah.

MATT: Go ahead and roll Cutting Words.

SAM: Nope, failed. So it still would hit. All is good.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: You didn't have a reaction anyway, I don't think.

LAURA: That was your reaction?

SAM: That's my reaction.

MATT: He did have a reaction, because he had his turn back.

TALIESIN: You're so fucked.

MATT: (laughs) You are branded. You got it. Okay, that finishes Molly's go. Jester, you're up, with Pike on deck.

LAURA: So I can't see anybody because of the Marine Layer now, right?

MATT: Currently, no. You just see a blanket of fog in that space.

MARISHA: You see me. Jester and I look at each other, and go: (uncertain noises).

LAURA: I go: I'm a duplicate! (laughs)

MARISHA: That's so cool! Yeah, you look great!

SAM: They're just eating. (laughter)

LAURA: (smacks lips)

ASHLEY: Get some fucking pastries.

LAURA: I'm going to-- how am I going to do this? How can I do this?

LIAM: We're unfamiliar with Jester, so we're not even looking for the real Jester.

ASHLEY: Sure, yeah, we wouldn't have known.

LIAM: She's just a magical ghost.

LAURA: I'm going to, having seen and knowing I can't hit anything else. I saw some really fast movement happening from that bird guy. I'm going to cast... Dispel Magic on those boots I saw on his feet.

SAM: What's that range?

LAURA: That's 120 feet range.

MATT: Okay, and you do have line of sight.

TRAVIS and ASHLEY: (laughing)

MATT: Suddenly (powering down) you feel your movement return to a natural state as opposed to the usual speedy Vax'ildan that you're used to.

SAM: Nice.

MATT: Yeah, it's a 3rd-level spell.

TRAVIS: That's clutch.

LIAM: Can I know, just for campaign two, that I can dispel enemies' magic items?

MATT: It's not the magical item. The magical item allows you to use the spell Haste.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: There's a difference between an item that has an effect, and an item that says it allows you to cast a spell.

LIAM: Okay.

TRAVIS: That helps.

ASHLEY: So Haste is gone for the rest of the game?

LIAM: Yeah, it's gone.

ASHLEY: Okay, okay.

SAM: Whoa.

TRAVIS: That brings it, like, to here. (laughter)

SAM: That's a solid clutch move.

TRAVIS: It's better, that's better.

MATT: Do you want to move? Do you want to move, and do you want to move?

LAURA: I'm going to-- oh man. I'm going to send-- I'm going to move forward.

MATT: This one?

LAURA: Oh god. I really need to see what's happening.

MATT: Yeah, you're kind of out of everything, but you do what you want to.

LAURA: I know!

TRAVIS: Sorry, I panicked! I'm real hurt!

LAURA: Okay, real me is going to run out and I'm going to run into the tower on the other side, if I can get to it.

MATT: The tower on the other side over here? All right, I will replace--

LAURA: Yeah. The tower that Beau didn't run into. Yeah.

MATT: Over here you mean?

LAURA: Where's my--

SAM: No, the conical--

LAURA: Yeah, the other.

MATT: Okay, yeah. Let's see, five--

LAURA: This one.

MATT: Yeah, because you were hiding out there. It's five, ten-- You can get just in the door with 30 feet.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Which reveals that in there.

SAM: Ooh, she's got a chest.

MATT: Indeed. You are just within this door right there.

TRAVIS: Aw, so may plans just broken already.

MATT: That's your movement, your action. You still have a bonus.

LAURA: Yeah, I can't really do anything for bonus because I already used a spell.

MATT: Can't you move your--

LAURA: I can use my-- yeah, I'll move my duplicate, but she has to be within visual of me, so I'm not going to be able to move her right now.

MATT: Well, you can move her as you're moving there.

LAURA: Okay. Okay, then, as I'm moving out, I'll send her forward.

MATT: Okay. About there? Full move 30 feet?

LAURA: I can move her up to 30 feet, yes.

MATT: Yeah, there you go. All righty. Does that finish your turn, Jester?

LAURA: That's it. That's what I can do.

MATT: Pike, you're up.

SAM: So on the last turn, Fjord was right in front of her. So she saw him,

MATT: She saw him.

SAM: And then she saw him move straight backwards.

MATT: Correct. So you just saw him vanish into the fog.

SAM: And she heard me cast Thunder Wave.

MATT: Correct.

SAM: She knows what that is.

MATT: Yeah.


MATT: I mean, you still had a bead on him, and then all of a sudden Thunder Wave impacted. You heard the blast and he just vanished into the fog.

TRAVIS: You probably heard: (yelp) (laughter)

MATT: Yeah. Definitely heard that.


SAM: And is probably still hearing that. (laughter)

ASHLEY: So, I'm going to try to just-- I'm going to--

TRAVIS: So much blood!

ASHLEY: Okay. I'm going to walk forward.

MATT: Mm-hmm. You walk forward, and just as quickly as you lost sight, you see the man in front of you once more, wounded, holding the blade, glowing. It caused that fog light effect, and it comes into view as you approach.

ASHLEY: Hi, buddy.

TRAVIS: (squawks)

ASHLEY: Okay, Guidance on myself.

MATT: Guidance is an action, just so you know.

SAM: Then, don't.

ASHLEY: Nevermind. Sorry. I'm going to put out my finger, and I'm going to cast Guiding Bolt.

MATT: You're casting Guiding Bolt on him?


MATT: Okay, it is a ranged spell, so you'll have disadvantage on the attack if you're right next to the target

ASHLEY: Never mind. I'm really sorry. I'm going to take out my frostbrand sword and I'm going to hit him with it.

MATT: Okay, go for that. (laughter)

MATT: Just letting you know.

ASHLEY: Yes, thank you. Thanks.

MATT: No worries, and it's been a while since you played Pike. So go ahead and roll for an attack.

ASHLEY: It's not like I knew how to play it before.

MATT: It's all good.

ASHLEY: Well, that's a natural 18 plus nine, 27?

MATT: 27.

TRAVIS: Y-yeah. Anything with a two in front of it's pretty good.

ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay. So, we got--

TRAVIS: And some one.

ASHLEY: Let me just reminder, see how this works.

SAM: It was Fjord's duplicate the whole time! At level 15, he gets a duplicate!

ASHLEY: So the target takes 1d6 cold damage. "In addition, when you hold the sword, you have resistance to fire damage." Oh, good to know. Double-- okay, in freezing temperatures (mumbles). Okay. Okay. So, 1d6.

SAM: It's just 1d6?

ASHLEY: I thought it was 2d6 for some reason. It doesn't matter. Okay, I'll roll this.

SAM: That's the whole attack?

ASHLEY: I guess, plus four. Okay, so five plus-- so that's nine points of cold damage.

TRAVIS: Nine points?

ASHLEY: Yes. And also--

MATT: Plus?

SAM: Plus?

MATT: As a war cleric, you also do additional damage when they hit.


MATT: So, I think it's additional 2d8?

LAURA: Oh jeez!

SAM: There it is.

ASHLEY: Where do I see that? Where is that, Matt? I'm sorry, just so I know for next time?

MATT: That's okay. No worries. No worries. It's all good.

LAURA: That's in under, like--

MATT: Under Features.

LAURA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Divine Strike. Yes, you're right.

LAURA: Divine Strike.

ASHLEY: Okay, I found it. Boy, oh boy! Oh, my buddies.

TRAVIS: (giggles)

LAURA: Two ones!

ASHLEY: Okay. Okay, a two and a four, that's six. Six points of damage.

TRAVIS: Yep. That's all in the same hit, right?

MATT: Yeah.

ASHLEY: All in the same hit. And because I'm a war priest, "when you use the attack action you can make one weapon attack as a bonus action?"

MATT: Correct.

ASHLEY: So, I'm going to hit you again.


ASHLEY: Okay. (laughter)

ASHLEY: She says apologetically.

TRAVIS: That's what we're here for.

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: So polite.

ASHLEY: But it's my buddies, that's why, but I know he's not today. Okay. 21.

TRAVIS: Yes, it hits.

ASHLEY: Okay. So, same.

MATT: Same. Although, I think the Divine Strike is--

ASHLEY: Divine Strike--

MATT: I think it's once per turn or--?

ASHLEY: Yeah, once on each of your turns.

MATT: Correct. So, this is just straight up the weapon damage.

ASHLEY: Okay. Well, that's a six plus four, so 10.

MATT: This is already getting interesting.

ASHLEY: 10 points of damage.


MATT: Are you rolling for the radiant damage?


ASHLEY: Okay. So, that's all I can do as actions. Am I able to--

TRAVIS: You take 18 points of radiant damage.

SAM: Radiant damage. Are you immune to that because you're, like, a cleric or something?

TRAVIS: I think you're resistant, probably.

ASHLEY: I'm not.


TRAVIS: To radiant damage?


LAURA: Resistant to fire damage.

MATT: Just fire.

TRAVIS: You sure?


TRAVIS: Okay. Cool.

ASHLEY: Okay. In this marine cloud, if I back up, he would get an attack of opportunity?

MATT: He would likely.

ASHLEY: Okay. So, I'm gonna-- I'm--

MATT: (speaking quickly) You're gonna? You're gonna?

ASHLEY: (speaking quickly) I'm gonna.

MATT: You're gonna.

ASHLEY: You know what? I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it, and I'm going to try to go into the little corner, I'm going to try to go into the corner building, the one that I'm closest to.

MATT: Okay. So, you get an attack of opportunity against Pike as she turns and runs from you.

TRAVIS: That's interesting.

MATT: What's your passing perception, Pike?

SAM: Passive perception?


SAM: Oh wow.

MATT: Okay, yeah. Without issue, you managed to recall and see where the edge of the door is. You get into there, and because your movement is doubled for the next minute, right? That's how your boots go?

ASHLEY: Mm-hmm.

MATT: You open this door and find your way in where there is another--

SAM: Chest.

MATT: -- chest.

ASHLEY: Okay. That's my turn.

MATT: All right. So, roll or an attack against her? Are you taking it or--

TRAVIS: Oh yeah. But I have War Caster, which means that I can also cast a spell instead of a melee attack.

SAM: Ooh, shit.

MATT: That's true.

LAURA: Yes! Oh, Fjord, do it!

TRAVIS: Does Banishing Smite count as a melee attack? Because it only hits on the melee.

TALIESIN: You have to roll for it.

MATT: Banishing Smite, let me double check.

TRAVIS: It's a bonus action.

MATT: Banishing Smite, you cast it, and then next time you attack it has the effect.

TRAVIS: Right, so not on this one.

MATT: No, not for this one.

LAURA: But you can do any spell as a reaction, or it doesn't have to be a melee spell attack, it can be any spell as a reaction.

MATT: Yeah, with War Caster.

TRAVIS: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I'm going to cast Enervation on Pike.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: What is that?

SAM: Enervation.

TRAVIS: Tendrils of inky darkness reach out from me and extend to you. You must make a dexterity saving throw.


ASHLEY: This is bad.

SAM: You got that inspiration, friend.

ASHLEY: Oh, that's true. Okay. Okay.

SAM: 12.

ASHLEY: Yes. Oh my god. 19.

TRAVIS: What's that?


TRAVIS: You save.


TRAVIS: On a failed save, you take--

MATT: It's bardic inspiration, man.

TRAVIS: -- 4d8 necrotic damage. So you take 19 points of necrotic damage and I heal half of that. Half of that? Let's see.

MARISHA: That's cool.

SAM: That's pretty good.

TRAVIS: Yeah, you take 19 points of necrotic damage.

ASHLEY: Okay. Okay. Okay.

MATT: You heal nine?

SAM: Woof.




TRAVIS: No, no, I'm sorry. You take nine points because you saved. Nine points of necrotic damage. And I can heal nine.

MATT: Okay. Got it. Okay. That finishes Pike's turn. At the top, Beauregard, you're up.

MARISHA: Oh shit! Oh shit! It's me.

SAM: Dope monk shit.

MARISHA: Oh god! Okay. I got so distracted with what was happening with Fjord. I heard go Fjord go, "Ah!" And I'm just going to be like: Buddy? Captain? And dart into the cloud. I'll-- Yeah.

ASHLEY: (whispers) Scanlan.

MATT: 50 is your movement, right?

SAM: What?


MATT: 55. You jump into the cloud and you still don't see anything at the end of your movement. You are right about there.

MARISHA: I still don't see anything?

MATT: No, you just come into the fog. You have a pretty high passive perception. You hear the (high-pitched cry). You know he's not far.

LAURA: (laughs)

MARISHA: I know he's not far.

SAM: (high-pitched cries)

MARISHA: I know he's not far. Fuck! Yeah, fuck it. I'm going to use Step of the Wind and keep moving.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: And just run in.

MATT: First five feet, you immediately see Fjord standing there extremely injured, but standing.

MARISHA: I go: Where?

TRAVIS: Where what?

MARISHA: Where are they? Can I keep moving through until I find somebody?

TALIESIN: I think you see me at this point.

SAM: No.

MATT: Not yet. You just keep moving forward?

MARISHA: I keep moving. I'm just going to keep moving in a straight line through.

MATT: 25, about there.

TRAVIS: We got rid of the cloud, would have done a ton of shit. Ugh.

LIAM: Where are the gnomes?

TRAVIS: Would have been way better.

MARISHA: Straight-ish line?

ASHLEY: I'm in there.

LIAM: You're in the cloud?

ASHLEY: I'm in the--

LIAM: Where's Scanlan?

TRAVIS: Damn it.

SAM: I'm next to Mollymauk.

ASHLEY: I'm inside the tower.

LIAM: The building. I don't know where that is.

SAM: Do you see where Beau is on your screen?

LIAM: Oh yeah.

SAM: Follow her eyeline.

MATT: 30 feet, you come out that side and you come out of the fog, and to your right you can see Mollymauk and--


TALIESIN: Well, what would you expect? Help?

MATT: That's all you see. Pike is in the room; you do not see her. There's Scanlan, currently facing off with Mollymauk.

MARISHA: I see Scanlan?


MARISHA: How much movement do I have left? You said that was 30?

MATT: It was 30, yeah. So you have another 25 feet.

MARISHA: 25 feet? Okay. I go after Scanlan.

TALIESIN: Could flank if you can make it there.

MARISHA: Can I flank?

SAM: No! That ain't no 25.

MATT: Not quite. Not quite. Almost.

MARISHA: Not quite. Okay. That's fine. That's pretty good. I go: I like your makeup. Pop, pop, pop!

SAM: Pop, pop, pop! (laughter)

MARISHA: (breathes heavily) This top is so tight. Okay. (laughter)

MARISHA: The first one is a natural 19 for 31.

SAM: Yeah, yeah, of course.

MARISHA: And the second one is much worse. 15.

SAM: Oh, that misses! (laughter)

MARISHA: Bullshit! But I hit you once with 13 damage and Stunning Strike.

SAM: Yep. What do I save on that?

MATT: It's a constitution saving throw.

SAM: Ooh, I'm not good at those. Let's see what happens.

TRAVIS: Damn it.

SAM: 21.

TRAVIS: Ugh, it's killing me.

MARISHA: Fuck! He saves.

SAM: I rolled a 17.

MATT: That's amazing.

LAURA: (groans)

TALIESIN: This is rough.

MARISHA: That's my turn.

MATT: That's Beauregard's turn. Vax, you're up.

LIAM: Well, I just saw the woman in blue come running out of that cloud, and she's dealing with my gnomish friend. So I'm going to fly just within range as a sharpshooter at 60 feet. So I'll just come a little closer

MATT: Knowing your range--

LIAM: I want to come just within range.

MATT: You're already within range.

LIAM: In range? Then I'm throwing a dagger at her.

MATT: Go for it

SAM: Dagger, dagger...dagger?

LAURA: Dagger.

LIAM: Wait. Actually--


LAURA: Oh no.


ASHLEY: It's just my pen, guys. It's just my pen.

LIAM: How far was the range? Can I see that? It was well within my range to get to her, you said?

MATT: Yeah. She was approximately, from your throwing range, she's about 45 feet from you.

LIAM: Great. I'm actually going to fly right down and land right behind her, plunk, and shove the life-stealing dagger into her back. Flanking with Scanlan.

MATT: Indeed, so you have advantage on the strike.

LIAM: Yeah. That is a-- Hold on, in the wrong place. I'm on the wrong place.

TALIESIN: You weren't hit, right?

MARISHA: Yeah, a little.

LAURA: That's okay.

LIAM: I'm going to use one luck.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: Oh yeah.

LIAM: It was a 23 to hit.


TALIESIN: Nope. No, it doesn't.

MARISHA: Come on, Molly.

TALIESIN: Curse of the Eyeless.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: What was that, 23 to hit?

LIAM: Yes.

TALIESIN: 22, 21, 20, 19 to hit.


LIAM: What just happened? Because I could use another luck, if I understand what's happening.

TALIESIN: I just saw you throw that, and decided to just-- Something in your arm--

LIAM: So it lowered my roll.

TALIESIN: Lowered your roll.

LIAM: Okay.

TRAVIS: It lowered your roll.

TALIESIN: And you know what? I'm going to amplify that.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Amplify?

TALIESIN: So I take two points of damage.

SAM: Are you turning it up... to 11? (laughter)

LIAM: So am I taking damage, or is just my roll getting lowered?

MATT: No, your rolls just gets lower. All of a sudden, as you go to strike, you feel this pulse in your face, the veins swell and your vision goes dark. And as you try and swing forward with the dagger, you hit air.

LIAM: I better use my bonus action to do another strike.

MARISHA: All right.

LIAM: That is only 21 to hit.

MARISHA: 21 hits.

TALIESIN: And four less.

LIAM: Oh, with every attack?

MATT: He amplified it, which means it's for the rest of that round.

LIAM: Okay. So I used 45 feet?

MARISHA: Holy shit.

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: I'm going 15 feet straight up in the air.

TALIESIN: Attack of opportunity.

MARISHA: Attack of opportunity.

LIAM: Yeah, of course.


MARISHA: Ooh, not good at all. 17.

LIAM: Swing and a miss.

SAM: Rogue-on-rogue-- wait, no, rogue-on-monk action. So hot.

LAURA: They're so dextrous, both of them.

MATT: So you're about-- actually, I'll put a lesser one. 15 feet up in the air.

MARISHA: (babbling)

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Cool it.

MATT: She swings forward, and you just pull out of the reach.

LIAM: Two luck gone. No, one luck.

MATT: One luck gone. All right.

LIAM: One midnight gone!

LAURA: One midnight gone!

MATT: Finishing your go, Vax. Fjord, you're up.

TRAVIS: Ah, boy, life hurts a lot right now. Where is the--

LAURA: Ooh, Scanlan's already used his reaction!

SAM: He doesn't know where I am!

TRAVIS: I'll look up at the flying guy that put a bunch of very, very sharp daggers into me.

MARISHA: He can see out of it.

SAM: He can see out of it?

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: Oh.

TRAVIS: I would fucking hope so!

MATT: (laughs)

TRAVIS: That would be a terrible divinity. I will cast Hexblade's Curse on Vax with my bonus action.

MATT: Ooh, the range on that is--?

TRAVIS: 30 feet.

MATT: 30 feet.

TRAVIS: Or is it 60 feet?

MATT: Might have to get a little closer to do it, if that's the case.

LAURA: You can only do one-- Is that a cantrip?

TRAVIS: Hexblade's Curse? It's just a bonus action.

LAURA: Oh, it's not an actual cast? It's not a spell?

TRAVIS: Nah. Am I in melee with anybody?

MATT: Currently, no, but you have to get a little closer.

TRAVIS: I'll get a little closer.

MATT: It's a 30 foot range, you said?

TRAVIS: 30 foot, yeah.

MATT: Yeah, so you have to get a little closer.

TRAVIS: Yeah. I'll take the minimum amount.

MATT: 10 feet that way will get you.

TRAVIS: (groans) Fuck you!

MATT: As you're floating up in the air, Vax, pulling up, (wings flapping) the shadows-- You're already a pretty dark individual, clothing-wise and attire, but all of a sudden your clothing gets darker and you see shadows from the nearby space begin to cling to you like an oil.

TRAVIS: Okay. And can you point to Pike and Scanlan, please?

MATT: Pike you don't see. You did see her run off into that building.

TRAVIS: Uh-huh.

MATT: Scanlan is on the opposite side of this.

TRAVIS: All right, fine.

MATT: If you wanted to go that way to get closer, you can do that if you want.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'll go 10 feet, just so that-- yeah, maybe there, but not so that I can see anybody, and not so that they can see me.

MATT: Right. Molly can see you.

TRAVIS: That's fine.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: And I'll cast Thunder Step again and I will jump 90 feet this way.

MATT: Okay. Do you take anybody with you?

TRAVIS: No. Oh. Well, no. Fuck it. Molly's going to swing away, man. Let that dude give some work.

MATT: Do you want to be next to Molly when you do this? You'll do damage to Molly if you do.


MATT: Okay. All righty.

TALIESIN: Oh, that's fair. That's great.

MATT: (laughs) Go ahead and roll your thunder.

TRAVIS: I just want to hurt them. Sorry. You could switch in any second.

TALIESIN: No, that's fine. That's fine.

MATT: So you're trying to get up to-- let's see.

TRAVIS: I just want to hit one of the people that was around me a second ago.

MATT: Correct. Pike, you do not have the movement to get to Scanlan for that, unfortunately.

TRAVIS: At any of them, Pike or Scanlan?

MATT: No. Pike's in the room.

LAURA: You're just damaging our own teammates?

MATT: Well, you could actually walk into the room to go after Pike, if you want to do that instead.

TALIESIN: You did see her go in there.

LAURA: Ooh, yeah, do that.

TRAVIS: Oh, okay.

MATT: Because you did see where she went. You saw Scanlan walk around as you went this way, walked forward. That's pretty tough. Could probably do Pike. Give it a shot.


SAM: Like through the wall?

TRAVIS: Through the open door.

TALIESIN: Technically, the door is open.

MATT: The door is still open. She didn't close it behind her.

SAM: Always close the door.

ASHLEY: Fucking doors.

SAM: Fucking doors!

MATT: Always. Always. (laughs)

SAM: Open or closed.

TRAVIS: 21. 26. 26 and six is 32. 32 points of thunder damage.

MATT: And she gets a what save?

TRAVIS: Constitution.

MATT: Make a constitution save.

ASHLEY: Oh boy. Oh boy. 12.

TRAVIS: Oh! Awesome! 32 points of thunder damage.

ASHLEY: 32 points of thunder damage?



MATT: And you go how far? 90 feet?

TRAVIS: 90 feet. I'm going back to where I came from, dropping the fart cloud as I go. No more stupid fucking--

MATT: That gets you about there.

TRAVIS: -- octopus cloud. Great. Can I angle it in a distance where I put some visual separators between me and--?

MATT: You can get about there. That's about as much as you can get.

TRAVIS: Okay, great. I'll take it!

MATT: There you go. (whooshing) You appear on the other side next to what appears to be Jester not far from you, and the fog drops.

TRAVIS: Hey, Jester!

LAURA: Hi, Fjord. Oh, you look terrible.

TRAVIS: Don't go over there. It sucks over there. (laughter) These guys are fucking tough.

MATT: All righty. (laughter) That finishes Fjord's go. Scanlan, your turn.

SAM: You guys seem like lovely people, and you're very close. You're invading my personal space. And if there's one thing you should know about Scanlan Shorthalt, he likes his privacy.

MARISHA: Didn't you pitch the orgy? (laughter) Didn't that come from you?

SAM: Are you down?

MARISHA: Has it been 60 seconds?

SAM: Dimension Door. (laughter) No, actually, before I Dimension Door, I'm going to cast a quick Inspiration to Vax.

MATT: Okay. Go ahead and speak the inspiration.

SAM: Oh. ♪ What a rogue needs ♪ ♪ What a rogue wants ♪ ♪ Is my 12d Inspiration dice ♪ ♪ And I'm thanking you for fucking up ♪ Yep.

TALIESIN: So you Dimension Door. Is that technically a teleport?

SAM: I'm not--

MATT: It is.


SAM: I haven't done it yet. I've just inspired. Now, I'm going to Dimension Door.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: And are you going to cancel my teleport?

TALIESIN: Wisdom save.

SAM: Wisdom save on me?


SAM: Okay. I just make a wisdom save?

MATT: Just make a wisdom saving throw.

SAM: Okay.

TALIESIN: I don't remember what the DC is. Hold on.

SAM: Well, it's a three. (gasping)

TRAVIS: Oh, really?

TALIESIN: You rolled a three. I assume that--

MATT: I think that failed.

TALIESIN: You do not Dimension Door. (gasping) And!

LIAM: Uh oh.

TALIESIN: Let's have some fun.

MATT: The brand on your chest sparks.

LAURA: (gasps)

MATT: Brand of Tethering.

SAM: These guys are tough.

LAURA: The brand!

MARISHA: (laughs)

SAM: I might go down.


TALIESIN: That's 15 points of damage on top of that.

MATT: Psychic damage from the--

TALIESIN: Psychic damage.

MATT: The feedback from the brand.

TRAVIS: Where is this happening on the map? I forget where Scanlan is.

TALIESIN: (laughs)

MARISHA: This is already-- This is bananas.

TALIESIN: Oh, no, you fucking don't.

MATT: Just reminding everyone, the gem is in this room.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SAM: That's where I was trying to get!

LIAM: Well aware.

SAM: Wow! Okay.

LIAM: You are in a Goodfellas kickoff there.

SAM: And I have movement, I guess.

MATT: You do.

LIAM: But that's two attacks of opportunity.

SAM: I don't want to--

LIAM: Although, Beau used her reaction on me.

MATT: Correct.

SAM: And he just used his reaction on me.

MATT: He uses reaction on him, so you can block that.

LIAM: Oh shit!

MATT: You're free.

MARISHA: So wait, what are you doing?

SAM: I can't get far.

LIAM: You can't smack him.

SAM: I can't get far.

MARISHA: I will spend a ki point to buy another reaction.

SAM: Well, then I won't move.

MATT: There is that.

SAM: I will use my movement.

MARISHA: You're not going?

SAM: I'm going to use my movement to just circle around you.

LIAM: The metagames.

SAM: I'm just going to go back and forth like this.

MATT: Yep, you are right there beneath them.

SAM: You got nothing. You can't hit me. You can't hit me. I'm too little. Look. I'm wearing glasses. I'll do Minor Illusion to make myself wearing glasses. I'm wearing glasses. You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses, would you? Come on. Come on.

MATT: That's fantastic.

SAM: (screams) (laughter)

MATT: All righty. That finishes Scanlan's go.

SAM: Oh fuck.

TALIESIN: (chuckles)

MATT: Molly, it's your turn.

MARISHA: I'm shedding. Oh, this thing is shedding.

TALIESIN: I'm going to gently walk to the other side to just walk around to get in range to flank.

MATT: All right. So either you can take flank, but the way that Scanlan's positioned himself, the only position in which you can flank puts you partway through a wall. So you'll get advantage, but he will have a three-quarters cover.

TALIESIN: Really doesn't help, does it?

MATT: I mean, it's, you know.

TALIESIN: All right. So I'll just-- Actually, but no. I'll take it because then you get it.

MARISHA: Isn't really thing for me.

TALIESIN: Oh, well that's fair. Okay. I'll just get to the corner.

MARISHA: I do get advantage if I am flanking, right?

TALIESIN: I'm doing that.

MATT: Yeah, any melee class.

MARISHA: Any melee class. Okay.

TALIESIN: I'm doing it.

MATT: All right. So roll with advantage, but he does get a plus five to his armor class against you.

LIAM: Oh boy.

TALIESIN: Okay, that works.

LIAM: Boy.

TALIESIN: So, same thing. That's 20.

SAM: But I get a plus five. Miss.

MATT: Misses. You go to swing and it hits the stone.

TALIESIN: Oh, wait. I'm so sorry. I took disadvantage there. I'm an idiot. That's 24.

MATT: You took disadvantage?

TALIESIN: I accidentally rolled and took the lower one, not the higher one.

MATT: Well, you don't have advantage. No, because you are flanking. Yes, you do. Yes, you do.

TALIESIN: 24. Sorry.

MATT: That does it.

SAM: Then I'll Cutting Words.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: So you got advantage, but then he got plus five. I see. I see. Okay.

MATT: Yeah. That was the trade-off for the positioning on the wall there.

TALIESIN: You're taking Cutting Words?

MARISHA: Mm-hmm.

SAM: Yes.

TALIESIN: All right.

MARISHA: My ribs hurt.

SAM: I rolled a four. So that reduces your attack by four. Sure.

LIAM: 20.

SAM: So it misses.

MATT: So it misses.

TALIESIN: But you did-- You did attempt to attack me there.

SAM: No.

MATT: No. Cutting Words isn't an attack.

TALIESIN: Cutting Words is not an attack.

SAM: I just sang to you.

MATT: What do you say to cut the words?

SAM: ♪ Cutting words ♪ (laughter) ♪ Are all I need to make you ♪ ♪ Fuck up this attack ♪ (laughter) ♪ You really need to ♪

TALIESIN: Doesn't count. If-- well, yeah.

MATT: So you're so confused by it, you go to swing and just hit the stone next to you, and what is even happening?

TALIESIN: It's terrible. That was just terrible.

TRAVIS: That's such an obscure pull. (laughter) I missed it.

TALIESIN: That's 22 to hit.

SAM: That hits.

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: Even with my five. Yeah.

TALIESIN: All right. So that's-- I just double this die, right? Double the amount. Okay. Oh, that's that's not bad. That's seven, eight, nine, 10, 12, 13, 14. That's 16 points of damage.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: So that's your action and your movement.

TALIESIN: Yeah. And let's see what I've got for-- You know--

MATT: Jester, you're on deck, by the way.

LAURA: Oh, that's me? Little ol' me?

TALIESIN: I think that's about as much as I want to do for right now.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Nothing in the bonus actions looks particularly interesting.

MATT: You do have an offhand attack with your other--


TALIESIN: Oh. That doesn't that count against my two attacks? Oh, that's a bonus. I get that two as a bonus.

MATT: Yeah, get two attacks, and then bonus action with the offhand.

TALIESIN: It's been so fucking long.

MATT: I know it's been a while.

TALIESIN: All right. I'm taking one more shot.

MATT: Everyone's picking up some old habits here. It's all good.

TALIESIN: Taking one more shot. I would've done that earlier. Fuck. That's not very good, that's 16.

MATT: 16 misses. Okay. Worth a shot, though. Does that Finish your turn, Molly?

TALIESIN: Yeah. That's it.

MATT: Jester, you're up. Pike, you're on deck.


LAURA: Okay.

MATT: So Jester, you got into the room, you see the chest there.

LAURA: Okay. I'm going to cast Dimension Door, and dimension into the other tower with the gem.

MARISHA: Oh hell yeah. Oh hell yeah!

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Can I go grab it?

MATT: You can.

LAURA: I'm going to go grab it.

MATT: All right. You currently have the gem on you.


SAM: No--

MATT: But here's the thing.

SAM: No pain or anything?

MATT: We're going to get to that here.

SAM: Okay.

TRAVIS: She's so sweet. It cancels out the pain.

LAURA: What did I do? What did it do to me?

MATT: You appear in there, and you just see this little imp sitting thing there on a pedestal.


MATT: With this thin arms, wings, and this extremely distended stomach. He goes (squawks) and flies out of the room.

SAM: What?

LAURA: Did he take the gem with it, or--

MATT: You don't see a gem in there.

LAURA: I didn't see a gem in there?

MATT: I rolled to see what it was when you got there. You get the sense that this imp has eaten the gem.

MARISHA: Oh my god.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Now, you still have movement.

LAURA: I'm the only one that knows that, though.

MATT: Correct.

LAURA: And nobody saw me do what I just did?

MATT: Nope.

TRAVIS: Oh, interesting. They could think you're the imp.


TRAVIS: Oh man.

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: This map.

MARISHA: I know.

SAM: This is a mind fuck.

LAURA: I'm going to--

TALIESIN: Brilliant mind fuck.

LAURA: -- go up to--

LIAM: Is it out of the tower now?

MATT: Yeah, it flew out. It flew its movement, which is 30 feet flying.

LIAM: And there's no visual indication that there's a gem in its guts.

MATT: You have no idea.

LAURA: Just an imp that flew out?

LIAM: She knows that it ate it?

MATT: She's the only one, yeah. There was a little glow in its belly when it was in a dark. He just went (squawks), and just as a reaction, just flew out of that space. You still have your movement and you still have a bonus action.

LAURA: Uh oh. Was it within melee range of me? Would I have gotten a reaction on it?

MATT: You know what? Yes, you would've. So go ahead and roll because you did appear next to it inside.

LAURA: Okay. Well, I'm a War Caster. So I'm going to cast--

TRAVIS: This is so crazy.

ASHLEY: This is (sighs). I'm looking rough.

TALIESIN: (laughs)

LAURA: I'm going to cast--

MATT: Two clerics, neither have healed anyone.

ASHLEY: I know.

LAURA: Oh god.

MATT: (laughs)

SAM: Both the utility magicians are down hard. (laughter)

LAURA: I'm going to Guiding Bolt it before it gets out the door, if I can, right as it's moving.

MATT: Sure. Go ahead and roll for an attack.

LAURA: Oh wait. I would get disadvantage on Guiding Bolt because it's within melee range.

MATT: It would be. Yes.

LAURA: So instead of that, I'm going to cast Inflict Wounds.

MATT: Okay. So go ahead and roll your melee attack against it.

LAURA: I'm casting that at 2nd-level.

MATT: 2nd-level. You got it.

TALIESIN: I've never used War Cast--

LAURA: 25.

MATT: 25 hits.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Go ahead and roll your damage on that.

LAURA: This is 4d10.

TALIESIN: Caduceus has it.

MARISHA: You get advantage on concentration checks, which is huge.

TALIESIN: That's definitely why I have it.

TRAVIS: Dude, I've done that twice in this game. It's making me crazy.

LAURA: 14. 15. 17 points.

MATT: 17 points of damage. (squawks) (flapping wings) It's looking hurt. It's looking real hurt, but it's still flying.

LAURA: Okay. Then, I'm just going to back up against the wall and hope that nobody saw me in here.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Is there a chest in there or something?

MATT: There is a chest in there.

TALIESIN: Oh, you could.

LAURA: Oh, can I search it as a bonus action?

MATT: No, it's an action to search the chest.

LAURA: Okay.

LIAM: What was the attack that just came out the door?

MATT: A little imp.

LIAM: No, I know the imp came out, but how did you attack the imp?

MATT: No, she just touched it.

LAURA: I just touched it as it was leaving.

MATT: Nothing you would have noticed. No sort of arcing blast or anything. All right. So finishing Jester's go. Pike, you're up.

ASHLEY: I am very hurt. So. One more hit, and that's it for me. So what I'm going to do is--

SAM: Pump yourself up.

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm going to cast Heal on myself.

MATT: Ooh!

MARISHA: You're all the way back up.

ASHLEY: Doesn't put me all the way back up, but it gives me a good amount.

MATT: Indeed. All right. Mark yourself down there.


MATT: Recovered.

ASHLEY: Mark that in. And then as a bonus act-sh, Let me put this in. Okay. That's gone. May I-- Hold on. May I cast Healing Word at Scanlan?

MATT: You cannot because we're going by the game rules for both campaigns. So you cannot cast-- You can cast a cantrip and a spell on the same turn.

ASHLEY: That's right. That's right. That's right. Okay.

LIAM: A reminder to the room because I didn't remember, I'm wearing a cloak of displacement. So when you attack me, it should be at disadvantage.

LAURA: Oh wow. Okay.

MATT: Good thing to note.

TRAVIS: Good. Good to know.

ASHLEY: Sorry.

TALIESIN: Going to have to deal with that at some point.

SAM: Get that chest.


MATT: I don't think anyone's hit you yet, though.

LIAM: Fjord hit me.

ASHLEY: Do I-- Am I--

MATT: With an attack? You took damage from the reaction, but I don't think he actually--

LIAM: Didn't he smite me as I fled?

MATT: Oh, you did. Yeah.

LAURA: But opening the chest is an action. So we can't open the chest if we're doing anything else.

MATT: Go ahead and do another roll, just for the hell of it, Travis.

LAURA: That's why I didn't fucking do it.

TRAVIS: Nine plus 13 is 22.

LIAM: Miss. I was hasted at the time.

MATT: Indeed. So yeah, actually, you can take that Divine Smite back. That spell slot, and you did not take that damage. But you do get your spell slot back.

TRAVIS: Do you remember how much damage it was?

MATT: It was the only damage--

TRAVIS: It was halved because he used the ring of evasion.

LIAM: It was like 20 to 30.

MATT: Something like that. I think it was-- (laughter) I want to say it was 18. Because it was 39, I think, originally.

LIAM: Okay. That sounds fair.


MARISHA: That was in the future.

MATT: All righty.

ASHLEY: Okay. So yes, cast Heal. I can't open the chest because that's also an action. Fuck.

TALIESIN: I love this map so much.

ASHLEY: Okay. So I'm just going to--

SAM: Do you have any bonus-y sort of buffs or anything?

ASHLEY: My cantrip.

LAURA: You can't do two spells in one.

ASHLEY: My cantrips are--

TALIESIN: Just a cantrip.

LAURA: You guys could. But in this world, you can't. (evil laugh)

SAM: What do you mean you guys? You were in Vox Machina, too.

ASHLEY: Oh, hold on. (laughter) Okay. Since I'm peeking outside the door here and I see Beau.

MARISHA: I'm trying to swat at Scanlan.

ASHLEY: I'm going to cast Sacred Flame?

SAM: Put up your dukes.

MATT: That's still action to cast.

ASHLEY: Oh, that's right, because I healed myself!

MATT: You healed yourself. That's an action spell.

ASHLEY: Dagnabbit!

MATT: I know.

MARISHA: Yeah, I do.

MATT: Well, you have your movement still.

ASHLEY: I mean, it's a cantrip.

MATT: It's a cantrip, but it's an action and a bonus action.

ASHLEY: I understand. Okay. So I'm going to shimmy up against the wall to try to stay out of sight out of sight.

MATT: So you're staying out of sight?

ASHLEY: Say again?

LAURA: We're both doing the same thing.

ASHLEY: I know. This is what we do.

MATT: All right, Pike, that finishes your turn?

ASHLEY: That's my turn. That's all I can do.

MATT: So that would bring us to the top of the combat round. We're in the midst of a thread here. Let's go ahead and take a break.

SAM: What? (groaning)

MATT: Starting at the top of the next round because this is already getting intense. So hit some restrooms, fill up on drinks, and we'll come back for the second round of this insanity.

LAURA: Oh my god.

MATT: See you guys in a minute.


LAURA: Hey, Critters, Laura Bailey here. Let's see what's up in the Critical Role shop. The cuteness, it's (sighs) overpowering. It's so cute, I can't handle it. This is, this is a lot of stuff, you guys. We have so many cool things right now. (roars) Throw an investigation if you want. It's basically perfect. You're only five clicks away from owning this, maybe more if you have a lot of windows open on your browser. I don't know your life. (clicks) So click on over to the Critical Role shop. (giggles) Don't worry, there's a few more minutes in the break. You still got time. [dramatic percussion music] [harp glissando]

MATT: I'm really excited to be able to step in as a player, which is a rare experience as it is, let alone a player in my own world, which is a very unique thing. This is the first time I'm kind of handing the reins off of a part of Exandria to somebody else.

LIAM: I have no idea if we're going any place we've been before, or to see corners that we didn't get to poke around in. And I'm curious to see it sort of given to us through the lens of a new GM.

ASHLEY: When we were talking about wanting to find a new GM to have this space to tell their story, Aabria was, hands down, all of our first choice. She is such an incredible storyteller and she's just an incredible addition to the team.

MATT: She had such a uniquely fantastic flair for really expressing narrative and drawing you in and following the players' instincts and weaving the story out of that magic of what's happening now. As we found ourselves kind of coming to this particular project, there really couldn't be anybody else that I can think about trusting it to.

LIAM: It's been cool watching Aabria sort of find her sea legs just for that chair and that corner of the table, and then finding her vibe with all of us, too. It's really cool.

AABRIA: Let me jump in, because I have a lot of thoughts because there is nothing both cooler and more actually terrifying than having-- being given the gift of Tal'Dorei, which is a place that I'm familiar with, but then I have to sit next to the dude that made it while I'm like, "Here's what I think of your place now, and I'm in charge and if I change something, mine's true." It's exciting, it's terrifying. (laughs) I'm Aabria Iyengar, and I am the Game Master of ExU, Exandria Unlimited. Some of you may know me from other games and streams that I've been on, including Dimension 20's Pirates of Leviathan, Pirates of Salt Bay, over on Saving Throw, and a hundred thousand one-shots 'cause I stream everywhere. It's my whole bag. I'm just extremely online, I think that's what it is.

AIMEE: I think it's crazy that they picked me, but I'm really happy to be here. We're going to get halfway through and they're just going to be like, "We don't know what happened, somehow she got in," but it's just the imposter syndrome. My name is Aimee Carrero. I am an actress and I came to this world through my voiceover work. I play Elena of Avalor on Disney+, and She-Ra on She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, and I am now a cast member on Exandria Unlimited until someone kicks me out.

ROBBIE: To dip into something that is new, that is brand new, that still calls on all the skills that I've had most of my life, incredibly exciting. And it's so much more fun than I even thought it would be. Like, I knew it was going to be fun, but I didn't know it was going to be this fun. So as soon as we got those first few clean playthroughs out of the way, it all falls together and I'm literally like, "Is it Thursday yet? Is it Tuesday yet? When do we get to play again?" I'm pumped. My name is Robbie Daymond. I'm a full-time professional voice actor, rad dad, undercover nerd, theater kid, and now a D&D player for Exandria Unlimited. What!? What is happening? I'm so excited!

LIAM: I've been excited for Robbie to join since we started talking about making this new show and picking friends to join us. He's quick on his feet, he's charming and hilarious, fucking phenomenal actor, and he really is just sort of everything that I wanted in someone who is going to be spending a long time with us.

MATT: It was waiting for the right time to go ahead and kind of fold them into our geek space, and when we were discussing the development of Exandria Unlimited, it was the perfect time. It's the perfect time.

LIAM: With Aimee, she is coming at this with, like, 150% energy.

LIAM: With Aimee, she is coming at this with, like, 150% energy. And the character that she's been toying with in these early games has been riveting.

AABRIA: She came in with such a big concept that it ended up being like this sort of fundamental heart of what we're doing, and I think that's a cool thing for her character, and going through that arc, but also just, like, a huge testament to someone who's not experienced at the form, but is an excellent storyteller.

ASHLEY: I adore her. I think she's incredibly smart. She's so funny, and she's taken to the game so quickly.

AIMEE: I got the first "How do you want to do this?" Which honestly, like, I didn't think it was going to mean so much to me, but it's really one of the highlights, I think, of my whole professional career. The experience of explaining how I was going to finish off this character, everyone, it was like I was taking all the help I could get, and at the end I was like, "This is literally like someone walking you through your first orgasm." Like, I just didn't know how to do it, and it felt so fucking awesome. And then at the end I was just like, "All right, Chinese or Italian?" It was just the best. I will remember that forever.

ASHLEY: I don't know what's going to happen in the first game because we've already played so many games that I feel like would be ready to put onto the internets. that I feel like would be ready to put onto the internets. I can't wait for our audience and our Critters I can't wait for our audience and our Critters to meet this new class, and if they don't already know Aabria, they will, 'cause she's incredible. And to meet Aimee, and to meet Robbie, and I think our audience is going to love them and I cannot wait for this game. [upbeat flute music]

ASHLEY: I have so many flowers to bring to her.

MARISHA: You know I'm in love with you, right?

SAM: Case closed.

LAURA: Hello, bees!

TRAVIS: I would like to rage!

TALIESIN: Life needs things to live.

LIAM: But I am no friend to the Empire.

MATT: In this realm, there are unlimited stories to be told.

AABRIA: And just as many storytellers to tell them. [climactic orchestral/choral music]

(bright music) (bright music) (bright music) (bright music) (bright music) (bright music) (victorious yelling) (victorious yelling)

LAURA: I'm Jester! Do you have a name?

MATT: (as Henry Crabgrass) "I don't think so. Wanna give me one?"

LAURA: Yeah! Henry.

MATT: "I'm Henry. Henry Crabgrass." How do you want to do this? (cheering)

MATT: (in background) Rolled a natural one. There laying before you is Veth Brenatto. (audience cheering) I'm sure some of you can speak to this, too. It's not until this is taken from you that you realize how important of a rock it is in your weekly life, let alone daily life. (sighing) So happy to be back here with you guys.

LAURA: Love you.

MATT: Love you all.

KYLE: Five! Four! Three!

TRAVIS: ♪ Makin' my way! ♪

KYLE: Two!

MATT: And welcome back.

LIAM: Subscribe, or don't subscribe. Oh, that's not a question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to ponder the pros and more pros of Twitch or Twitch Prime, or to take hands and gift new subs to Critters who find they can't afford them. To play, to sleep no more. And by asleep, to say the cast and crew of "Critical Role" might find their naps around the hectic schedule of a live broadcast that we have brought for your consumption, both Critter and fan alike. To play, or sleep. (chuckles) No sleep, but just to stream. Ay, there's the rub, for with your subscription, what streams may come. Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man, that is a fucking tagline. Do we got that? Oh, that is Twitch poetry. (grunts) Oh, anyway, subscribe to Critical Role. Use Twitch Prime to subscribe. Gift some subscriptions. You got it. Mm, wrong soliloquy for the skull, but that's fucking good. (lively Elizabethan music)

Part II[]

MATT: And welcome back. So let's pick up where we left off. Top of the round: Beauregard, you're up. Vax, you're on deck.

LIAM: Oh boy, oh boysies.

MARISHA: All right.

SAM: I've got money, I've got power, I can get whatever you want.

MARISHA: I look at him and I go--

LIAM: I got Wish, one day I'll have Wish.

MARISHA: And I use my lightning gloves to hit Vax above me.

SAM: Oh, in the anus?

MATT: Oh shit, yeah, you can totally do that.

MARISHA: Yeah, I can! Disadvantage?

LIAM: Yes.

MARISHA: Oh, that one's cocked. But I don't think it's good enough, 18?

LIAM: Miss.


MATT: Goes free.

MARISHA: Next attack. Fuck.

LIAM: Fucking respect, though, but miss.

MARISHA: 20 total?

LIAM: Miss.

MATT: Goes free once more.

TRAVIS: What's your AC?

LIAM: 23 and she's got to do it at disadvantage because of my cloak.


LIAM: No, it's 21.

MATT: Because he's not hasted.

LIAM: But you still miss.

MATT: Yep, but you still miss. I was about to say, I think Haste is gone, it's 21.

LIAM: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MATT: Two bolts of lightning streak out of the fists of Beauregard in the air--

TRAVIS: There is no worse feeling than feeling the action, disappear.

LIAM: For sure. For sure. Hey, man, I attacked you and didn't do shit either, so.

MARISHA: It's true, it's true.

LIAM: It's fair play.

MATT: To be fair, the two of you are going to be the two characters that would be full-on martial arts movies sparring were neither can get a hit in. Blunt Ip Man style, just cancel.

TALIESIN: Just take care of this first.

MARISHA: Flurry of Blows.

MATT: What you doing? Flurry of Blows.

MARISHA: Flurry of Blows.

LAURA: On Scanlan?

MARISHA: On him, goddamn it. Come on, just above like a seven. (excited noises) That is a 21!

LIAM: I'll burn a Luck to make you roll again. (laughter)

TRAVIS: You can do it, you can do it twice.

MATT: So you roll one more dice.

MARISHA: Just one more?

MATT: Just one.

LIAM: One more and this is the one.

MARISHA: Oh my god.

LIAM: Maybe you'll get me.

MARISHA: 21 again! I rolled the exact same fucking thing. Oh my god.

TRAVIS: Amazing, amazing.

MARISHA: Wait, that was my first of Flurry of Blows.

MATT: Correct, you have a second one follow up on it.

MARISHA: Stunning Strike.

MATT: He's out of range of you. Stunning Strike only works when it's physically upfront.

MARISHA: But I thought that it still counts as melee damage with the lightning it just extends it by 20.

MATT: It extends the damage, but it's considered lightning damage. Stunning Strike, and we've gone over this before, you have to actually physically hit them to stun.

LIAM: And I can't Uncanny Dodge lightning damage either, right? Because it's not melee.

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: Uncanny Dodge is melee.

MATT: If that's what it says, then yeah.

LIAM: Well, I don't know.

MATT: Uncanny Dodge I think maybe is an attack of some sort.

LIAM: That you can see.

MATT: Double check to see what that is because you might be able to.

MARISHA: It's still 13 damage.

LIAM: Okay.

MARISHA: And I'm going to use my last pop against Scanlan.

LIAM: Nasty.

MARISHA: And you don't have disadvantage, so a straight roll on you.

TALIESIN: No, it's advantage.

MARISHA: Oh, it's advantage because of you.

LIAM: When an attacker you can see hits you with an attack.

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: So I half that?

MARISHA: Neither of those are great, but I think they still hit you at a 20 total again.

SAM: They would, but I start singing--

MATT: But you can't because you used your reaction on Molly last time.

SAM: Was that this round?

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: Fuck. All right, I'll take it.

ASHLEY: Isn't this the beginning of the--

LIAM: The beginning of the new round? She's at the top of the--

MARISHA: Stunning Strike.

LIAM: Wait, why did he, if we're at the top of the new round, why doesn't he have a reaction?

MATT: It doesn't recharge on the round, it recharges by the next turn.

LIAM: Thank you.

TRAVIS: Oof, boy.

MARISHA: Stunning Strike.

SAM: Do I save against that?

MARISHA: Yeah, save against it, constitution.

SAM: Constitution. Oh boy, has to be big. Not big, 12.

MARISHA: Stunned.

MATT: So roll damage and Scanlan is--

MARISHA: Yeah, I rolled high, I rolled a seven, so you would take 14 damage. I didn't get Vax.

MATT: Scanlan, you are--

SAM: I'm still alive.

MATT: -- hit in the chest and suddenly all of your muscles tense. You feel this buzzing sensation throughout your whole body as you are just unable to really do anything for the next round.

MARISHA: I can technically get an Extract Aspects on both of them. I don't know how useful--

MATT: That's true, yeah, you could.

MARISHA: Because I hit both of them with my Flurry of Blows.

MATT: Let her know what you are resistant to and what you're immune to.

SAM: Acid, I'm resistant to acid.


TRAVIS: Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it.


MARISHA: Vax, do you have any resistances?

LIAM: With my armor, would I say what the armor is resistant to?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: Ice.


MATT: Cold.


LIAM: The only energy I knew would be on this field is your armor, possibly.

TRAVIS: Oh, of Agathys.

MARISHA: So I just shout out to anyone who can hear me: Jes, avoid ice for the bird and acid for this little pain in the ass.

LAURA: My duplicate yells: Okay!

MARISHA: Oh, she heard me.

TRAVIS: To be clear, he's quite a large pain in the ass, ow!

MARISHA: That's my turn.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: That's my turn. Vax is a pain in the fucking ass.

MATT: He is, but stunning Scan is pretty, pretty nuts. Speaking of Vax, it's your turn; what are you doing?

LIAM: Well, that imp is next to me and I would see in my peripheral so.

MATT: Yeah, with your passive perception, you would definitely see this imp flying by and you can see this glow in its stomach. Roughly the size of the stone from earlier.

LIAM: Bonus action dagger.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: That is a-- I mean, it's going to hit. It's 20, I believe-- Where's Whisper? 21.

MATT: 21 just hits. This creature's pretty wily.

MARISHA: Lucky 21s over here.

LIAM: Okay. That's 10 of damage to-- no, 10 plus radiant. 10 plus-- 13 total.

MATT: 13, the creature slices open and falls as the gem hits the ground.

LAURA: And falls into the lava.

MATT: About there.

LIAM: I will fly down, scoop it up. So it's 15 or-- maybe 20, 25 feet down to it?

MATT: About 25 feet to get to it.

LIAM: Yeah, action to grab it and squeeze a Percival out of it.

MATT: Well, picking up an item isn't necessarily, but you mean to--

LIAM: To activate it.

MATT: To activate?

LIAM: Yeah, dude.

MATT: Squeeze a Percival out of it.

LIAM: Yep.

LAURA: Oh no, Percy's going to be right next to you.

LIAM: So whatever is left, that was probably 15 or 20 feet.

MARISHA: Yeah, we had to go a whole, the whole--

LIAM: And then I will fly-- so that was bonus action and action-- straight up into the air.

MATT: Okay, so that was--

LIAM: Probably 40 feet in the air.

MATT: 25 feet there.

LIAM: 35 feet in the air.

MATT: 35 feet up.

SAM: Get to her before it gets to her again.

MATT: All right. So as you grab the stone, you watch as it disappears out of your hand, the energy shifts. You look over and Mollymauk vanishes, and with a puff of smoke, Percival stands there at the ready, resummoned. You fly up into the sky. (wings flapping) A little energy appears at the top and... appears back where it started. The top of the main tower. Finishing Vax's go. Fjord, you're up.

TRAVIS: Ugh. (heavy sigh) (humming)

LIAM: Oh man.

MATT: Now because you have been hit, your form is not shimmering anymore, correct? The Displacement cloak?

LIAM: She hit me before my turn.

MATT: Right, but then your turn came. You're right, so it is back up, you got it.

MARISHA: What's back up? Oh, your bullshit?

LIAM: For a split second, the cloak stopped going-- (vibrating) Or my-- sorry, leather jacket, like in the Mad Max series.

MARISHA: Is it the top of your turn or for one round?

LIAM: It's the top of my turn.

MARISHA: Bullshit, so it's okay, it's pointless for me. Yeah, all right, all right, all right.

TRAVIS: First things first.

MARISHA: Yeah. (laughs) Fuck you.

TRAVIS: The cage that I'm standing next to, what do I see inside of it?

MATT: Glancing inside, you see, buried amongst the rubble, a small containment chest.

TRAVIS: Containment chest. Are these like-- is there a door to this cage or am I going to have to surmount this thing?

MATT: You can try and climb over it.

TRAVIS: I don't see a door?

MATT: There's no door.

TRAVIS: Goddamn it. Listen, I'm trying to limit the number of dumb fucking things I do in this game. Can there be a door on the cage? (laughs) Containment chest. Yeah, yeah, cool.

MATT: Kind of metallic jar.

TRAVIS: How important is it to change Percy back to Molly?

TALIESIN: (laughs menacingly)

TRAVIS: And what does it take to activate the box, an action?

MATT: Well, that's up on top of the tower.

TRAVIS: Yeah, but if you get to it, it takes an action?

MATT: Takes an action, yeah.

TRAVIS: Nipples.

ASHLEY: Where did the gem go, sorry. Did we see?

MATT: Back to the top of the tower.

ASHLEY: Back to the top of the tower, okay.

TRAVIS: Not yet, though.

LAURA: You're so low.

TRAVIS: I know! (laughs)

LIAM: (laughs)

LAURA: You may not get the chance.

MATT: Whatcha doing, Fjord?

TRAVIS: Yeah, that's true.

LIAM: Tim Roth in Reservoir Dogs.

MATT: Scanlan, you're on deck.

SAM: I know, I'm looking.

MATT: You're stunned.

TRAVIS: When Fjord went up one level in warlock to get to 15, I took an Eldritch Invocation or it's a Mystic Arcanum or something, I can't remember what it is. Anyway. I will cast Polymorph at 5th-level and I will turn myself into a T-Rex. (laughter)

LIAM: ♪ Anyone can be a cleric ♪

TRAVIS: And I will use--

MATT: (roars) ♪ (singing Jurassic Park theme) ♪

LIAM: Let chaos reign!

TRAVIS: I'll use 50 feet of movement to close towards the other end of the map.

MATT: Over here?


MATT: There was a cage there. You can try and push it off, if you want to.

TRAVIS: Yeah, let's knock it over.

MATT: Go ahead and make a strength check using the T-Rex's strength.

TRAVIS: Plus seven. God, why can't I be that all the time? 24?

MARISHA: Full Jurassic Park!


MATT: This all crashes over and as it does, a chest is knocked free onto the ground over here, from the impact.

TRAVIS: Amazing.

MATT: You can move about-- about there. I'm just going to move this out of here so it's not--


MATT: You get about there in you T-Rex form in a full run, charging through and blasting that as you go.

TRAVIS: That's it. (belches)

MATT: All right, finishing Fjord's go. Scanlan, you are stunned unless you have something up your sleeve.

SAM: (sighs) I'm trying to game this out. I don't get to save against this stun, right, it just is?

MATT: No, it just lasts until the end of her next turn.

SAM: Her next turn.

LAURA: With stun, do we just get advantage--

MATT: Now you know how I feel.

LAURA: -- on attacks against him? What about saving throws? Do they still get to make a saving throw?

MARISHA: I don't think they can.

LAURA: Can they make saving throws when they're stunned?

MATT: When they're stunned? They automatically fail strength and dex saving throws.

LAURA: Got it.

MATT: But they can make all the others.

LAURA: Okay.

SAM: So is Percival Fredrickstein Klossowski von Musel de Rolo III in front of me right now?


MATT: Correct.

SAM: I think he's got this in hand.

SAM: I'll Dimension Door. It's verbal.

MATT: Right, but you don't have an action.

SAM: What are you talking about?

MARISHA: You're stunned, motherfucker!

MATT: You're stunned. You're incapacitated, which means you don't have an action or a reaction

SAM: I can still speak, though.

MATT: You can speak, but it's still an action to do the spell. You go to speak, and you're like-- (stutters) You sound like me when I was in second grade.

MARISHA: When you get the air knocked out of you. (grunts)

SAM: You're too good. This monk shit is awful.

MATT: (laughs)

SAM: I got nothing. I can't cast a spell, I can't do anything. Okay, I'm good.

MARISHA: I love you.

LIAM: God, our characters really are twins.

MATT: "Can't move and can only speak falteringly."

MARISHA: So annoying.

SAM: I will speak falteringly and just say-- (stuttering)

MARISHA: Let it out. Let it out. Tell me how you really feel. I know, I know.

SAM: Not a finger!

MATT: Jester, it's your turn.

LAURA: Okay. (screams) Okay.

MATT: You hear a loud roar from around the way. (thudding) This slightly green-tinted T-Rex comes carving around the corner.

LIAM: (screeches)

LAURA: Oh my god, okay, okay, okay. There's so many things I want to do.

MATT: Yeah, you just got to pick one.

LAURA: (frustrated scream)

MATT: Pike, you're on deck.

LAURA: I'm going to--

SAM: Get ready to fucking heal or not because I'll probably be dead.

LAURA: Okay, wait. I just got to read this thing.

MATT: Aight.

LAURA: Okay. Okay. I'm going to cast-- Shit, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. Things have changed.

TALIESIN: This is the board of change. Everything is constantly fucked.

LIAM: Transmutability.

LAURA: Okay. (groans trepidatiously)

MATT: Yes? Yes?

LAURA: Okay, I'm going to-- Are... Scanlan and Percy within 10 feet of each other?

SAM: You don't know.


MATT: You actually do not know.

SAM: You don't know any of this shit.

MATT: All that you see right now inside the room is the imp went out, you saw the gem drop, the winged man in dark clothing snatch it, and then a T-Rex come around the corner. You just have the view outside of the door right there.

LIAM: Oh, that's amazing.

LAURA: Oh god, okay, I'm going to--

MATT: It's just absolute fucking chaos out there.

LAURA: I'm going to step out then so I can see everything that's going on and I'm going to--

MATT: And stepping out you now have a view of the space there and you do see Scanlan and Percival are within five feet of each other.

LAURA: Okay, and Vax is right above Percy? I'm sorry, I can't see that.

MATT: No, Vax is about 20--

LIAM: 35, I said, we put me at.

MATT: Yeah, but she's 10 feet off the ground.

LIAM: Oh, that's true, yep.

MATT: Yeah, you're on a higher platform. So he's about 25, 30 feet from you.

LAURA: How close is he in regards to Percy, though? Is he above Percy, is he--

MATT: He's above and to the-- about 10 feet this way.

ASHLEY: Above, and to the left.

LAURA: All right.

MATT: Back, to the left.

LAURA: I'm going to cast Flame Strike.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: I'm going to focus it on Percy.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: So everybody within a 10-foot radius of Percival. 40 feet up, it's a 40-foot high cylinder.

MATT: Oh, then up here? Yeah, no, you would get-- you would get Scanlan, Percival, and Vax in it, yeah.

LAURA: Great.

MATT: No, Beau-- well, actually, are you-- If you're centering it on Percival? You got it. Beau, you're also in that radius.

LAURA: Would I have been able to get them without hitting Beau, if I look?

MATT: You could.

LAURA: I could?

MATT: You could.

LAURA: Okay, then I'm going to do that. I wouldn't intentionally hit her.

MATT: Fair enough, you just specified on Percy so letting you know that would happen.

LAURA: I can't see because I'm not wearing glasses.

MATT: That's all good. So go ahead and roll damage on that.

LAURA: Okay, that is a dex save, everybody has to make.

TRAVIS: Glasses are so not Mad Max.

MATT: You fail automatically.

LIAM: I have advantage.

ASHLEY: I know, I have mine, but I'm resisting for some stupid reason.

TALIESIN: What level is that spell? 24.

MARISHA: Oh lordy.

TALIESIN: What level are you casting this at?

LAURA: That would be a 6th-level spell.

TALIESIN: (laughs)

SAM: Do it.

TALIESIN: So I'm going to charge Cabal's Ruin all the way up.

MATT: Okay, you still take the damage.

TALIESIN: And I am resistant, yeah. And I made the dex save.

MATT: You made the dex save, okay, so you take half damage.

TALIESIN: And then half damage.

MATT: Half damage, auto-fail for stunned Scanlan.

SAM: Sure, sure, sure.

TALIESIN: And I get half damage, half damage.

MATT: Well, for part of it because it's half fire and half radiant.

TALIESIN: Oh, okay.

LAURA: So fire damage--

MATT: Oh, no, the spell, from the spell you mean for one of the damage types, right?


MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: Y'all, I rolled two sixes, a five and a four.

SAM: Damn.

LAURA: So 22 on the fire damage and 16 on the radiant damage.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: And then-- so I take half of that so eight, four.

SAM: I'm out.

LIAM: Got it.

MATT: Scanlan is unconscious.

MARISHA: You're out?

SAM: I'm down, I'm down. I'm down.

MARISHA: Oh shit.

LIAM: We do have a Pickle. We're in a pickle and we have a Pickle.

TRAVIS: She's up, he's up.

LIAM: I rolled a 21 to save, did I save?

LAURA: You did.

LIAM: And it was a dex save?


LIAM: With evasion, I take zero damage.

LAURA: Great, cool.

LIAM: Love you, too.

LAURA: All right, well, I got you and I kind of got you. So dang it, that counts.

MATT: Rogues, man.

LIAM: Just hard to hit.

LAURA: And then I'm going to use the rest of my movement to say: Oh, shit! And I'm going to fly-- I'm going to run back into the room where I came from.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: And I'm going to just face the door so no one can sneak attack me.

LAURA: Okay, so it's just roaring chaos you walk out and go-- (explosion) Just right back in, perfect.

MARISHA: Some camping shit, I love it.

LAURA: Totally.

TRAVIS: Put your ass in a corner.

MARISHA: Uh-huh!

MATT: All right, that finishes Jester's go. Pike, you're up. Percy, you're on deck.

ASHLEY: This changes everything, okay. Clicking my boots together--

LAURA: By the way that Flame Strike was a 5th-level, not a 6th-level.


LAURA: Sorry, I said it wrong.

TALIESIN: That does change things.

ASHLEY: I got to go get my boy.

MATT: All right, well, you got 50 feet of movement because your speed doubles, so-- 30, 35, 40, 45, 50 at your maximum, but you can get right adjacent to him.

ASHLEY: Great, okay. That would be-- let me see what I'm going to do this at.

SAM: Oh, you can touch me.

ASHLEY: Yeah, because Healing Word is not-- it's only d4.

SAM: Thank god.

ASHLEY: Yeah, I was going to do Healing Word, but I was like--

TRAVIS: Just the tiniest tap.

ASHLEY: Yeah, I was like, we don't have time for a Word. I got to get over there.

SAM: When I fell, my butt was exposed a little bit. Just in case.

ASHLEY: Okay, so both hands on the booty.

LIAM: Bubble butt?

TALIESIN: Squeeze the Charmin.

SAM: And it's sizzling from the flames.

TRAVIS: Is there any hair on your butt cheek or is it perfectly--

SAM: It's burned off.

TRAVIS: Porcelain, okay, good.

LIAM: Just a diagonal line of it under the pants, but up top it's clean.

SAM: Scanlan only shaves the front. He's lazy that way.

ASHLEY: I'm going to do 4th-level--

LIAM: The back doesn't show up in selfies.

SAM: Yeah, that's right.

MATT: What level are you casting it?

ASHLEY: 4th-level.

MATT: Nice, okay. So 4d8 plus five, right?

ASHLEY: Yeah. Goodness, I don't have any space. Ooh, that's good, okay.

LIAM: My goodness, my goodness.

ASHLEY: I'm sorry. Okay, 28.

SAM: Amazing. I'm madly in love with you.

ASHLEY: Oh, same. Keep giving you some massagies. Okay, and then that's it, that's my move.

MATT: All righty, got it.

ASHLEY: That's what I can do.

MATT: Finishing Pike's go. Percival.

SAM: Any bonuses?

ASHLEY: That was my clicking to get over to you.

TALIESIN: All right.

MATT: Top of the round, you're up.

TALIESIN: I take all of this in, see Beau. Well, you seem like fun. I'm going to pull Animus out, take my first shot.

MATT: Go for it.


MARISHA: At who?

ASHLEY: No, what am I doing?

MARISHA: You shooting at me?

TALIESIN: Yes. (laughter)

MARISHA: Who's calling me babe? I hear it a lot.

MATT: I still love the idea of, from Beau's perspective, like spells, spells, T-Rex round, this dude just (shots firing) Just unloads.

LIAM: Yeah, Indiana Jones shoot.

MATT: Yep.

MARISHA: The fuck is that?

MATT: I miss Percy.

MARISHA: Has Beau really seen a gun at this point?

MATT: You've seen them, but not like this.

MARISHA: Oh, you one of those rich boys?

TALIESIN: Oh yes. First shot. (laughter)

ASHLEY: Gosh, I love him.



MATT: I love that in this outfit, I don't know why, but you look like the--

ASHLEY: Benjamin Franklin?

MATT: The gayest of Ben Franklins and I love it so much. I love it so much.

SAM: So just Ben Franklin.

MATT: I mean, yeah.

MARISHA: That's true.

TALIESIN: Ben got some dick, we know.

MATT: Fair enough. No, I'm just saying his extreme version, his most realized self if he lived today.

ASHLEY: This whole look is just really, I love it.

MATT: I'm living right now and it's so great.

TALIESIN: Plus 1d6.

ASHLEY: I want to hug you so bad.

LIAM: This view that I have is the best view I've had the entire pandemic.

TALIESIN: 3d10 plus 1d6, and then I'm also going to put all of Cabal's Ruin into this.

MATT: Sure, yeah, go for it.

TALIESIN: So first damage is-- Blech. Nine points of piercing damage.

MARISHA: Deflect Missiles.

TALIESIN: Does she deflect--

MATT: Well, it's full damage first to see if you can deflect it.

TALIESIN: So one point of psychic damage.

MATT: So 10 points of damage and then add the Cabal's Ruin damage to that.

TALIESIN: And then Cabal's Ruin is one, two, three, four, five. One, two, three, four--

SAM: Taliesin's having the most fun tonight. He just gets to wreck people.

LIAM: No pressure.

MARISHA: Yeah, just wreck-- No holds. Yeah.

SAM: Why don't we just all gang up on him?

MATT: That's a tactic.

SAM: Let's just change the rules.

TALIESIN: 19 points of thunder damage on top of all that. So that's 29--

MATT: So 29 points of damage.

MARISHA: I negate 28 points of that damage.

LIAM: Wow!

MARISHA: 1d10 plus 20 and I rolled an eight on a d10.

MATT: All right, so you take one point of damage.

LIAM: Beau punched bullets.

MATT: You fire the first one and she like catches it and it bursts through her.

MARISHA: Yeah, try to catch it, but ow!

MATT: Shakes it off painfully.

LIAM: That happens in John Wick all the time.

MARISHA: I just peel a little ball-bearing out of my palm a little bit and it's a little scorched.

TALIESIN: I take my bonus action to reload and say: Interesting. Can you do that with the other hand? I fire again.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: That's--

LAURA: Maybe?

TALIESIN: 23 to hit.



TALIESIN: Four points of psychic damage and 14 points of regular damage.

MATT: So 18 points of damage. Well, you already used your reaction.

MARISHA: Oh, I'll buy another.

MATT: So you spend a ki point to buy a second reaction, okay.

MARISHA: That was cocked, that is 27 total.

MATT: She catches the bullet, no damage.

TALIESIN: So impressive, I fire again.


MATT: Technically, if you reduce all the damage can't you throw it back?

MARISHA: I can. I can, but I'm not going to, I'm going to hold. I'm already burning through some ki points.

MATT: Catches one bullet, catches the other.

ASHLEY: So cool.

MATT: That's fucking rad.

LIAM: Both her hands are occupied Percival.

TALIESIN: I rolled an 18, you got hit again.

MARISHA: What was it, you rolled an 18?

TALIESIN: I rolled an 18 which is 32 to hit. That's-- Oh, you're lucky. Nine points of damage, one point of psychic damage, so 10 points of damage.

MATT: 10 points of damage.

MARISHA: I negate it completely.

MATT: Well, no you can't, remember you can only buy an additional reaction once per turn.

MARISHA: Oh, that's right, that's right, you're right.

MATT: So the third, you're like (two impacts) out of hands. (impact)

MARISHA: Sorry, what was it, 10 points?

MATT: 10 points of damage.

MARISHA: Okay. Yeah.

LAURA: That is fair.

TRAVIS: 10 points for three shots, that's not bad.

MATT: Anything else, Percival?

TALIESIN: Action, action-- Oh, can I do that?

MATT: Action surge, yeah, you can.

MARISHA: Oh my god.

SAM: He's got ki points too.

LAURA: Three more?

ASHLEY: Three more shots you have?

MATT: No joke, he is just full-on--

LIAM: Don't you remember; he did this a couple of times in the campaign, six shots in a go, on our enemies.

TALIESIN: So I had one shot left, so I first shot, reload shots--

MATT: Second shot, so you have four more, three more bullets left.

TALIESIN: Three more bullets.

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: All right.

MATT: Well, no Animus is six, right so?

TALIESIN: No, Animus is four, so I have to reload for one other shot, so I have two--

MATT: I thought Retort was four, Animus was back to six.

TALIESIN: Oh, well, good to know.

MARISHA: (whispering) Why are you helping him?

SAM: Yeah, no, that's right.

TALIESIN: Okay. All right, so I have three more shots.

SAM: Retort's four.

TALIESIN: Here we go.

LAURA: Because he wants Vox Machina to win.

MARISHA: I know.

TALIESIN: Ugh. That sucks. 17 to hit.

MARISHA: That misses.

TALIESIN: Let's do that again.

MARISHA: (dodging noises)

TALIESIN: 18 to hit?

MATT and MARISHA: Misses.

ASHLEY: Oh, oh oh! War God's Blessing?

MATT: You can do that, add a plus 10 to it, yeah.

ASHLEY: Add plus 10.

MARISHA: Oh shit.

ASHLEY: No, you just take plus 10.

TALIESIN: Oh, to--

ASHLEY: To whatever your roll was.

MARISHA: Yeah, that hits.

MATT: Double check just to make sure because it's been a while since we've done this, but.

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

TRAVIS: I love the confusion. I remember a thing?

ASHLEY: War God's Blessing question mark?

TRAVIS: I said this before.

MATT: You get to grant that creature a plus 10 bonus to the roll.

TALIESIN: All right.

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: Wow.

TALIESIN: 15 points of damage.

MARISHA: Yep, I'll take that.

TALIESIN: One more attack.

MATT: Go for it.

LIAM: Come on, de Rolo-lo-lo-lo.

TALIESIN: (gun misfiring)



TALIESIN: I take three points of psychic damage.

MATT: That was an epic round.

TALIESIN: (frustrated grunt)

MARISHA: Yeah, it was.

TALIESIN: I'm backing up and moving towards the tower.

MATT: This way?

TALIESIN: No, straight back.

MATT: Straight back this way or this way?

TALIESIN: Towards Jester.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA and MARISHA: Towards Jester.

TALIESIN: And up the tower as far as I can go.

MATT: You can get up into, just inside where she is.

TALIESIN: Oh, I don't want to go inside. I want to go up above it.

MATT: Above it? Oh, because you can.

LIAM: That's the lion's cage. You don't want to go in there.

MATT: Yeah, so you are up.

TALIESIN: I'm aware of what happens when I'm not on, am I aware of what happens when I'm not on the field or no?

MATT: No, you have no idea.

TALIESIN: Okay, that's fine.

TRAVIS: I love it, no idea just (teleporting noises).

MARISHA: (confused yelling)

TRAVIS: I was somewhere before; I was somewhere else before.

MATT: Where was I? Where did I go? All right, that finishes your turn, Percy?

TALIESIN: That finishes my turn.

MARISHA: Oh, it's me. Oh my god, it's me.

MATT: Vax, you're on deck.

MARISHA: Oh my god.

LIAM: Oh shit.

MATT: You're filled with bullets. Both in hands and some in your body.

MARISHA: And I'm going to take my lead filled palms. I've got a Pike and a Scanlan down right in front of me, correct?

TRAVIS: A Pike and a Scanlan.

MARISHA: Hey, you said I was cute earlier.


MARISHA: Sorry! Pop with a hand of my-- Shit, shit, shit. Okay, this is just good old regular pop. Ooh, that's a 24 total?

ASHLEY: That hits.

MARISHA: Okay. Plus 12 to that attack. 13 points of damage.


MARISHA: A-Stunning Strike.

MATT and MARISHA: Make a constitution saving throw.

ASHLEY: Oh, my constitution's so bad, come on. Let's go with this guy.

SAM: Goddamn Stunning fucking goddamn Strike.

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: How Matt feels.

MATT: You got to kill the monk, guys.


MARISHA: You are stunned.

LIAM: We discussed it. Heavily, which one was the biggest threat?

ASHLEY: Pike is stunned.

MARISHA: Scanlan is still stunned, right?

SAM: No, Scanlan was brought back to consciousness.

MARISHA: He went down, but came back up.

MATT: Mm-hmm.

MARISHA: I'm going to hit Scanlan next.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: I'm on the ground.

MATT: Which gives her advantage for melee attacks.

SAM: Awesome.

MATT: Ranged attacks it's disadvantage, but.

MARISHA: I rolled, nope, that's a 13. I rolled a 13 and an 18 for 30 total to hit.

MATT: I'm going to say that hits.

SAM: 13 and an 18 together, wait.

MARISHA: I rolled for the advantage.

SAM: Oh, got it.

MARISHA: And then, so that is 11 damage.

SAM: Mm-hmm.

MARISHA: Stunning Strike.

MATT: Roll a constitution saving throw.

SAM: Fuck this.


ASHLEY: Sorry.

SAM: I mean--

TRAVIS: You look real good.

LAURA: Yeah, you look awesome.

MARISHA: I love your makeup. Your coat is so pretty.

SAM: Wow. Okay, not terrible. Not good enough, 16.

MARISHA: No, you had to make a 17. I am so sorry.

ASHLEY: Can you inspire yourself?

SAM: I can't do shit; I haven't had a turn in a while.

TRAVIS: Oh yeah, you're just stunned--


SAM: Stunned, last thing I did was dispelled, the thing before that didn't work.

LIAM: So what's your status now?

MARISHA: So you're stunned again.

MATT and LIAM: Stunned again.

MATT: Second round that Scanlan's lost. This is not good.

MARISHA: Did I roll damage for you yet?

SAM: I will say, I will say on the first hit can I retroactively Cutting Words the damage? No, I can't.

MATT: Yeah, I mean, like, if-- Well, Cutting Words the damage or the roll, it's up to you do you want to--

SAM: No, it's good.

LIAM: He's reversed a couple things for other people in the circle.

MATT: No, I'll allow it. I mean, we've done some reverse stuff, go for it.

SAM: All right, I would've Cutting Words the damage, at least. Great, so four points less damage.

MARISHA: Against you?

SAM: Yeah.


ASHLEY: How many times can you Cutting Words?

SAM: Once a round.

LAURA: It's just a reaction.

SAM: But I'm stunned.

MATT: Yep, you're stunned.

SAM: So bring it.

MARISHA: Yeah, Flurry of Blows.

MATT: Uh-huh.

MARISHA: I get advantage on all these attacks.

MATT: On against who?


MATT: Against who?

MARISHA: Scanlan.

MATT: All right, two attacks with advantage.

SAM: Pike, protect me! Oh wait.

MARISHA: That's low, though, but ooh, those are both low. Oh, but, well, but you're down.

SAM: Yeah, you're going to hit.


SAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: Hits, okay.

TRAVIS: His AC's 16.

MARISHA: Okay. And that is 13 damage on that one. The last pop--

SAM: Stunning Strike. Extra stun.

MARISHA: Okay, 30 total.

SAM: Sure.

MARISHA: And oh, I rolled a one on that damage for eight total.

SAM: Down again.

TRAVIS: Unconscious.

SAM: Unconsc.

MATT: Scanlan is unconscious again already.

MARISHA: And that's it, that's my turn.

MATT: All right, finishing Beau's go. Vax, you're up.

LIAM: Vax slams down on the ground right next to Scanlan, Scanlan between me and Beauregard I use an action to cast Lay on Hands, pump 10 hit points into him, and throw a dagger into her into her fucking throat.

SAM: What a ride this is.

LIAM: Natural 20.

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

MARISHA: You're throwing it?

LIAM: I'll take your 10 hit points. Fuck yeah.

TRAVIS: Oh my god.

LIAM: Okay.

ASHLEY: This is, this is wild.

SAM: My body hurts.

ASHLEY: The ups and the downs.

SAM: My body hurts. Oh, you just natural 20-ed her, right?

LIAM: Yes.

SAM: Okay.

LIAM: So hold on 10 and 10 is 20 plus 10 is 30.

MATT: And because you are now conscious and you are next to her, you are an ally adjacent so he does get sneak attack on a crit.

LIAM: That's right, that's why I did it in that order, 31.

MARISHA: But I just took my turn. So my reactions recharge, correct?

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: That's a total of 53 points of damage.

MARISHA: 53? Deflect Missiles.

LIAM: I take 10 because it was a 20 on the life stealing dagger.

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: It's the second crit on that dagger that didn't do shit the entire campaign.

MARISHA: I negate 30 of it, I rolled a 10 plus 20. So I negate 30 damage.

SAM: That's impressive.

MARISHA: Yes, it is. Monks are the best, y'all.

MATT: Wait, it negates a d10 plus which one?

MARISHA: Plus 20.

MATT: Damn. That's nuts.


LIAM: So that was an action, bonus action, I flew 35 feet down, so I fly 25 feet straight up.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: (whooshing)

MATT: All right, (quick impacts) up into the sky. All right, that finishes Vax's go. Fjord, T-Rex turn.

SAM: Goddamn it, I can't stay up.

MARISHA: So wait, what did you do total?

LIAM: It was 50 something. 52, I think I said?


ASHLEY: You said 53.

LIAM: 53.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: So I have 50 feet of movement.

MATT: You do.

TRAVIS: I have to figure this out as it goes.

MATT: At 25 feet up, Vax would be in your melee range.

TRAVIS: Sure, he would. He would.

MATT: You could eat a bird, if you wanted to.

TRAVIS: I could. So let's come forward 25 feet, and how far does that take me on this thing?

LIAM: Oh, he got me!

MATT: Right about where Vax is.

TRAVIS: That's 25 feet. So I can make it to Scanlan and Pike, right?

MATT: You could, yeah. Your call.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'm going to-- You have 10 hit points.

ASHLEY: I should've used something else.

TRAVIS: I'm going to make a tail attack against--

ASHLEY: Like, done a touch spell.

TRAVIS: -- tail attack against Scanlan.

SAM: Oof.

MATT: Go for it.

TRAVIS: That's a 25 to hit.

SAM: Sure.

MATT: That hits.

SAM: Down again. I can't do shit if I keep getting knocked out!

TRAVIS: So that's 27 points of bludgeoning damage.

SAM: Yeah, I'm down again.

MATT: Scanlan is down again.


LIAM: It's not going our way.

TRAVIS: I should just step on you.

MARISHA: Yeah, you should.

TRAVIS: But Pike's there too, right?

MARISHA: And she is stunned so she also has advantage.

TRAVIS: She also has advantage?

MARISHA and MATT: You have advantage against her.

TRAVIS: I'm going to take a bite attack against Pike.

MATT: Fuck, all right.

TRAVIS: With advantage.

MATT: Go for it.

TRAVIS: Not a crit. That is a 27 to hit.

ASHLEY: That hits.

MATT: Mm-hmm.

TRAVIS: Okay. 11, 12, what the fuck? That's a three, 26. And a 12. 26 and a 12 is--

SAM: Damn.

TRAVIS: 38 plus seven.

SAM: That's a shit ton of damage.


ASHLEY: 45 points of damage?

MATT: 45 points of piercing damage.

TRAVIS: And if you are a medium or smaller creature you are grappled.


TRAVIS: You are in my mouth.

MATT: You are in his mouth.

SAM: Damn!

ASHLEY: I mean, guys, this is not looking good.

SAM: It's not looking good. We got Percy. Percy's a healer, right? (laughs) Some of those bullets are, like, love bullets?

TRAVIS: I pick up Pike in my mouth and I look over and see Percy on the roof and I'm like (confused whine)

SAM: I was going to do such good things.

MATT: I know. I know.

SAM: Oh well.

MATT: Some days you get hit by a T-Rex. All right. That finishes your go, Fjord?


MATT: Scanlan, I need you to make a death saving throw.

SAM: One.

MATT: One? Instantly fail two death saves.

TRAVIS: Oh, one touch! One touch! All you have to do is touch him once.

MARISHA: No, Scanlan!

SAM: Yep.

MATT: All right.

SAM: That's it.

TRAVIS: Oh! (laughs) Aw jeez!

MATT: Jester, it's your turn.


SAM: That's it!

LAURA: Oh no.

LIAM: ♪ Oh no no no no no ♪

MARISHA: Oh, I feel bad now.

LAURA: ♪ Oh no no no no ♪

SAM: It's okay.

LAURA: Okay.

ASHLEY: Oh no, no, no, no.

TALIESIN: It's still going to be three on three for the moment.

MARISHA: For the moment. For the moment.

LAURA: Can I step out? I'm going to just try something. I don't know if it's going to work.

MATT: All right. So you step out, back looking into the space around you. There is a T-Rex with a gnome in its mouth.

LAURA: I look up at the flying guy, and I'm going to cast a Dominate Person on him, which is a wisdom saving throw.

MATT: Make a wisdom saving throw.

LIAM: Last luck. You got me. (gasping)

SAM: Wait, you've got an inspiration.

LIAM: Oh. How much is that?

SAM: 12, d12.

LAURA: 1d12.

MATT: Add a d12 to it.

LIAM: 20.

LAURA: (sighs)

ALL: Whoa!

MATT: From beyond the pale! (laughs)

MARISHA: Inspired by the dead guy.

LIAM: Luck is gone, y'all. Luck is gone.

LAURA: Okay. Okay.

TRAVIS: That inspiration sticks, right? I'm not a rules lawyer. I don't remember. It sticks, even if you're unconscious.

MATT: Yeah, inspiration, it stays for 10 minutes or until used.

MARISHA: It stays for 10? Okay.

LAURA: Shit.

MATT: All righty.

LAURA: Okay. I can't do two spells in one turn.

MATT: You still have 25 feet of movement, if you want to.

TRAVIS: Did your inspiration stuff get bigger as you leveled up in the campaign? Ugh. Amazing. It used to be a six, right?

MATT: It starts at a six. Bards, man.

LAURA: No, I'm going to stay. I'm going to back up into this. I'm camping.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: You don't need Otiluke's Sphere. You just need a hut.

MATT: Yeah. You're that person in Call of Duty who just stays in the back with a sniper rifle.

LAURA: Right now, yeah.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: That witch is going to show up.

LIAM: Last woman standing.

MATT: Finishing Jester's go. Pike, you are stunned.

ASHLEY: I am stunned.

MATT: And in a T-Rex's mouth.


MARISHA: Okay. (laughs)

MATT: All righty. Top of the round again. Percy, it's your go.

TALIESIN: I can reload as an attack, correct?

MATT: You can, yes.

LIAM: Oh, this is nasty.

ASHLEY: This is nasty.

TALIESIN: Well, I see what's going on down there and I'm going to--

SAM: Come! Heal me!

TALIESIN: There's really nothing I can do about that.

SAM: Oh, you're so pompous!

LIAM: You can take out Beau, maybe.

TALIESIN: I can maybe take out Beau.

MATT: Or the T-Rex which is a concentration spell.


MATT: Polymorph is a concentration spell.

TALIESIN: That's fair.

TRAVIS: You got to fucking remind him? You know how smart he is? He's been playing this for 2,000 years, Matt.

MATT: I'm reminding all kinds of people about shit tonight.

TALIESIN: Let's see what we can do. I didn't see him turn into the T-Rex, though, did I?

MATT: No. You just saw a T-Rex run over and eat Pike.

TRAVIS: To be fair. I held them up, I held her up to you like a toy.

MATT: That's true, so up to you.

TALIESIN: Oh, so I see that. Okay.

TRAVIS: I could be a friendly T-Rex.

TALIESIN: That's fair.

TRAVIS: (considering noise)

TALIESIN: Oh, let's try something crazy, then.

MATT: I like crazy. What're you doing?

TALIESIN: I'm pulling out Bad News.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Putting a health potion in it and shooting it into my leg? (laughter)

TALIESIN: Oh, I forgot the health potion. so unfortunately--

MATT: The good news is it just healed you for a d4. The bad news is your head's gone. (laughter)

TRAVIS: (gurgling) Ooh. We'll work that.

MARISHA: Little R&D.

MATT: That's incredible. (laughs)

TALIESIN: First shot is--

MATT: Against who is this?


MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: And I'm burning a point to get it to drop Pike.

MATT: Oh, okay.


TALIESIN: So that's a 22 to hit.

TRAVIS: Yes. I believe that hits. Yes, it does.

TALIESIN: And I have to find what I use for damage here. That's that. And I'm doing--- So that's a--

MATT: I believe Bad News is 2d12 plus--

TALIESIN: 2d12, I'm just checking what the trick shot is. Okay, I have to mark one of those. It's everywhere, isn't it? There we are. So that's-- Eh. Six, 12. 14 points of piercing damage.


TALIESIN: And... where is it? Oh, right, disarming shot. So it's a strength saving throw.

LAURA: Can I say I use my bonus action to bring my duplicate up further? Because I didn't take my bonus action.

MATT: Sure. Yeah, I'll allow it.

TRAVIS: I just make a strength saving throw?


TRAVIS: How do you make a saving throw as a T-Rex?

MATT: You just roll a d20, add the strength modifier.

TRAVIS: Oh, great. 17 plus seven for a 24.


MARISHA: I looked up and I just saw you being like--

MATT: Make a constitution saving throw as well. Roll a d20, add your constitution modifier.

SAM: You can just do it every time?

MARISHA: As long as I spend a ki point. I've been burning through some ki points.

TRAVIS: That is a 17.

MATT: 17. You maintain your spell.


LAURA: Did you drop Pike?

MATT: Nope.

TRAVIS: I think I'm holding her. Yep.

TALIESIN: Shit. All right, I reload. I'm going to take a shot at Beau. I'm taking the five point penalty.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: So he can do 10 more damage. Or plus ten to hit.

TALIESIN: Ugh, that didn't hit, did it? That's 14 to hit, that missed.

MARISHA: Big miss. Just full-on Keanu Reeves bullet dodge.

TALIESIN: That's my three attacks, isn't it?

MATT: It is.

TALIESIN: What do I do with my bonus action? I'm trying to remember. I didn't do anything with my bonus action, did I?

MATT: Nope.

TALIESIN: Is it one more attack with the bonus action, or is it just something else?

MATT: Not with Bad News, no.

TALIESIN: Well, I missed, but I'm Hexing you for god's sakes.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: It wouldn't have mattered this time anyway.

MATT: You, Beauregard, are hexed.


TALIESIN: I'm going to move as far up the tower as I can, just to the peak of it.

SAM: What about a little medicine check on me? A little stabilization medicine check?

TALIESIN: Eh, not really my bag.

LIAM: Percy, you're tapped?

TALIESIN: For this round. I can't do anything else with it. What else can I do with a bonus action? Just checking.

LIAM: We'll never get back to Pike.

SAM: No mercy. No mercy!

MATT: Percy's up on the roof there.

TALIESIN: No. I've done what I can do.

SAM: She went easy on you.

ASHLEY: I did go easy on you and I shouldn't have.

SAM: She fucking went easy on you.

ASHLEY: I shouldn't have done it!

MATT: Never go easy.

ASHLEY: I know!

MATT: It comes back to bite you.

ASHLEY: I know!

TALIESIN: There's a time and place.

ASHLEY: There's a time and place.

MATT: I said no mercy at the top! All righty. So that finishes Percy's turn. Beauregard, you're up.

SAM: At least do it in with some flair

MARISHA: Okay. Flair. How would Scanlan like to die?

SAM: I mean, gloriously. Probably on fire.

MARISHA: I can't do that.

SAM: As I'm lying there, by the way, you see a letter, to his daughter fall-- (laughter)

SAM: -- out of his pocket. You briefly read it.

TRAVIS: "You briefly read it."

SAM: It says--

TRAVIS: Four of your six seconds.

SAM: "I know I was a bad father figure to you, but I hope I've made amends. And I hope that all daughters who have felt that same shame and pain find only joy in their life because there's nothing more precious than a daughter who needs more love."

MARISHA: I pick up the letter. And I go: Cool. I needed something to blot this wound. And then I just reach in and I grab his throat because I know that that's the source of his power, and what he's been utilizing, and Cutting Words us. And I just grab his esophagus and get a little--

MATT: Larynx area there?

MARISHA: -- a grasp around it and just crunch and rip.


MARISHA: And rip his throat out.

MATT: There would be a painful yell if sound could come out. And a few moments of spasming before Scanlan lies still on the ground.

SAM: That changes a lot of campaign one. (laughter)

MATT: Shit!

MARISHA: Is that my one attack? Or would that--

MATT: That would be your one attack.

MARISHA: My one attack.

SAM: Um, you used an action to read the letter, so...

MATT: You did, actually. No, up to you. Your call.

SAM: No, no.

MARISHA: I just, you know, wipe my face of the blood with the letter, and then I'm going to-- Can I--

LIAM: Run up a T-Rex?

MARISHA: A hundred percent do exactly that.

TRAVIS: Oh my god.

MARISHA: I'm going to, as the T-Rex tail swoops down, I'm going to Legolas swoop and grab it, spin around and start running up the back of the T-Rex.

MATT: Roll an acrobatics check.

MARISHA: Okay. Don't fuck me, Gil! 19 total.

MATT: That'll be enough to get up. So you're on its back.

MARISHA: Okay. Can I run up to its mouth?

MATT: You can. Where Pike is, you mean?


MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Exactly where Pike is.

MATT: Okay. So you are currently-- let me get this right here,

MARISHA: On top.

MATT: Grappled, stunned, and in a T-Rex's mouth. There. Sure. (laughter)

MATT: No, no, that's not--

TALIESIN: I appreciate the thought.

MATT: I'm trying. I'm trying and failing, folks.

TRAVIS: This is nothing but winning, Matt.

LAURA: Sure.

TALIESIN: This shit's turned so hard a couple times.

MARISHA: Yeah, I thought we were going to lose.

TRAVIS: Look at this picture, you guys.

MARISHA: We could still very much lose.

MATT: I want the visual memory of this insanity. There we go.


TALIESIN: There we are.

ASHLEY: My god.

MATT: All right. Because-- are you trying to hit Pike? Pike is inside the T-Rex's mouth, so you can do this, but your attacks are not at advantage, even though she's stunned.

MARISHA: Even though she's stunned, okay, so just regular attacks.

MATT: It would be disadvantage, but she's stunned, so it's just regular rolls.

MARISHA: Okay. Yeah, I'm riding a T-Rex, I'm floating on Fjord's head, and I see Pike's struggling head, and I'm just going to take out my bo staff and--

ASHLEY: He just proposed to me! (laughter)

MARISHA: And I go: Yeah, and he had a daughter too. Ah! And I'm going to come down. Not that one, not that one. Ooh! Natural one!

MATT: That's an absolute miss.

MARISHA: Okay, so that was my second attack.

MATT: For an attack--

SAM: Yeah, just miss.

MATT: You are on a T-Rex.

MARISHA: Uh-huh.

MATT: Roll a dexterity saving throw for me.

MARISHA: Sure. Mm. I'm going to keep it. 13. I rolled very low, I rolled a three.

MATT: 13.

TRAVIS: Decent fall.

MATT: And it is a decent fall--

MARISHA: That's okay.

MATT: -- for anybody who's not a monk.


MATT: So you do slip off the T-Rex, and catch yourself on the ground, without major issue. You still have 25, 30 feet of movement.

MARISHA: I do. Percy is behind me too, right? Where's Percy?

LAURA: Percy's up in the air.

MATT: He's up on top of the roof up there.

TRAVIS: How high up on the roof is he, ish?

MATT: He's, total, about 35 feet.

MARISHA: So Vax is in the air, Percy's in the air, the gem is on top of the tower.

MATT: Correct.

MARISHA: So I'm going to start moving. I sound like Ashley. I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to move towards the entrance way of the tower,

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: With whatever movement I can.

MATT: So you have 25 more feet of movement, right? So you're about there.

MARISHA: Great. And then I will take my bonus action to Patient Defense.

MATT: You got it, Patient Defense is up. Finishing Beau's go. Vax, your turn.

MARISHA: Running low on ki points.

LIAM: Man. So Beauregard just ran towards the tower, yeah? Tell you what I'm going to do: I'm going to rocket towards the top of the tower.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Switch it back to Molly?

TALIESIN: Really, it's only fair at this point.

MATT: You're on the tower, 35 feet.

LIAM: I'm going to use an action to scoop up the crystal in my jacket, not touching it.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Shove it in the side.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: And keep moving out of their line of sight, over the side of the tower.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: That's all they need to know.

MATT: All right. You got it.

LIAM: Wait, hold on, so-- And to grab it was an action, right?

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: Yeah. And that was only like probably 20 feet from where I was, or 30 feet? What would you say?

MATT: It was 35 to get there.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: So you'd have 25 feet left. Which would put you right around in this space.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: Are you attempting to hide?

LIAM: I'm going to tell you what I'm doing. Because I'm out of everyone's line of sight.

SAM: I'm gonna tell you what I'm gonna fucking do.

LIAM: I would have gone in the direction that would be out of everyone's line of sight.

MATT: Yep, so you are out of everyone's line of sight. You got it. Okay, finishing Vax's turn, Fjord, you're up.

TRAVIS: I've got a little gnome in my mouth.

MATT: You do.

ASHLEY: I'm so tough! I'm tough meat!

MATT: That's true.

TRAVIS: Because she's grappled in my mouth, Does that mean I get advantage on another bite attack?

MATT: Grappled does not give you advantage. Restrained does.

TRAVIS: Fair enough.

MATT: It just means that she can't move away.

TRAVIS: I will make another bite attack against Pike in my mouth.

MATT: You cannot make a tail attack against her, but you can make a bite attack.


TALIESIN: She's stunned.

MATT: Correct. So you have advantage against her.

TRAVIS: Oh, cool.

MATT: That's right. No, she's not stunned any more.

MARISHA: It's to the end of my next turn, so she's not stunned.

MATT: You are no longer stunned. So it's just a regular roll.

TRAVIS: Regular roll.

MARISHA: Not stunned, regular roll.

TRAVIS: That is a 23 to hit.

ASHLEY: That just hits.

TRAVIS: Just hits? 4d12 plus--

ASHLEY: (sighs)

MARISHA: Om nom nom.

ASHLEY: Om nom nom.

TRAVIS: Nine. Nine, 18.

ASHLEY: It's been real, guys.

TRAVIS: Three, 21.


TRAVIS: Two. 23 plus seven.

MARISHA: Oh, but I love them.

LIAM: ♪ Nearer, my God, to thee... ♪

TRAVIS: 30 points of crunch.

MATT: 30 points of damage.

ASHLEY: I'm out!

TRAVIS: You're out?

ASHLEY: I'm out.

LIAM: That's it.

ASHLEY: That's it. That's all she wrote.

MATT: She's unconscious, but you're still inside a T-Rex's mouth.

SAM: Doesn't bode well.

LIAM: Yeah.

TRAVIS: I will move and just waddle over this way and put my head right above this little lava floe, and just chill.

TALIESIN: That's dark.

TRAVIS: Just going to hang.

MATT: Oh, fuck! (laughs)

TRAVIS: Just in case somebody hits me or something.

MATT: Okay. Okay. Finishing Fjord's go.

MARISHA: This is when we get our most brutal.

MATT: It would be Scanlan, but he's dead. Jester, you're up.

SAM: Can my soul will be flying around?

MATT: Sure, I'll allow it. What does Scanlan do on Scanlan's spiritual turn?

SAM: On Scanlan's spiritual turn, Scanlan is going to take off his pants, and just shake it. Shake it, shake it!

ASHLEY: Do I see, since I'm unconscious and in the--?

MATT: No, but you may be able to see it here shortly.


MATT: That finishes Scanlan's turn. Jester, what are you doing?

LAURA: Okay, I'm going to step out so I can see what's going on. Do I see Percy up on the tower?

ASHLEY: Wait a minute! Wait a fucking minute.

TRAVIS: Yes! You have Plate of the Dawn Martyr!

ASHLEY: I sure fucking do.

MARISHA: Oh, which makes you--

TRAVIS: And it's going to hurt me.

ASHLEY: I mean, okay, so. "If you're knocked unconscious by an attack or spell, a blast of healing flame surrounds you. You immediately regain one hit point--"

SAM: Nice.

TRAVIS: Uh-huh.

ASHLEY: "-- and are lifted to your feet." Well. "All enemy creatures within 10 feet suffer 2d6 fire damage."

SAM: 2d6 fire damage? Cool.

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah.

TRAVIS: I'll have to roll.

TRAVIS and TALIESIN: It could work!

SAM: Do you have another heal? Don't say it.

ASHLEY: I can't, I mean--

SAM: On your next turn.

MATT: It's not her turn.

ASHLEY: Okay, that was double sixes. No, it wasn't. These are weird. Those are fives. Two fives. Ten points of damage.

TRAVIS: Ten points.

MATT: Make a constitution saving throw for me.

TRAVIS: That is only a 10.

MATT: 10 is what you needed to maintain concentration.

TALIESIN: Very close.


MARISHA: Oh, for War Caster.

LAURA: So she's still grappled.

MARISHA: You have War Caster.

TRAVIS: I do have War Caster, but this is Polymorph.

SAM: So you'd have advantage.

TRAVIS: Oh, I would?

SAM: But you're fine.

TRAVIS: Way more. Okay.

MATT: I would say in a T-Rex form feats don't necessarily carry over? Just that you wouldn't able to use combat feats that you learned as a T-Rex.

TALIESIN: That's fair.

LAURA: So you moved him back because she did her War Caster thing?

TRAVIS: I'll put her back above the floe.

LAURA: She'll still be above the lava floe?

MATT: I was making sure if anything else happened there. So still above the lava there.

TRAVIS: Should I make a strength check to see if that blast knocks me out her out of my grapple?

MATT: The blast does damage, it doesn't push you away.


MATT: Unless you're offering it.

LAURA: Can you use a bonus action to open your mouth?

TRAVIS: But I'm still grappling her.

ASHLEY: Yeah, do it!

LAURA: I know, but if you let her go above the lava.

MARISHA: It's like Pop Rocks.


LAURA: Don't go easy!

SAM: Y'all's are going to win.

ASHLEY: Y'all are fine! (laughter)

TRAVIS: She's grappled. She can't do anything.

LAURA: She can still heal. She can still cast a heal.

TRAVIS: I didn't do it on the lava.

MATT: So Jester, it is now your turn, back to where you were, you step out, make a perception check.

SAM: At disadvantage because there's a ghost in front of you. (laughter)

SAM: ♪ Lollipop, lollipop, ooh, lolly-lolly-lollipop! ♪

LAURA: 18.

MATT: 18? You can glance over and looking around, you can see up at the top of the roof, standing right where the peak where you said you were, you see Percy up there with his large weapon at the ready.

LAURA: Do I see Pike in the mouth?

MATT: You do not. You just see the T-Rex (stomping) away from you.

LAURA: Okay. And I don't see Vax or whatever their names are.

MATT: You do not see Vax.

LAURA: Okay. Then my only option is to aim for this gun guy. So that's what I'm going to do. And I'm going to cast... Harm!

SAM: Nice.

MATT: What's the range on that?

LAURA: 60 feet.

MARISHA: Harm! Hearts, flowers, hearts, glitter!

LAURA: Harm, that's a constitution saving throw.

TALIESIN: That's a 20.

LAURA: Ugh, he succeeds.

MATT: What's it do on a success?

LAURA: "If the target fails--" No.

LIAM: Makes you feel good.

TRAVIS: You're going to be married to an alternate personality of hers. Maybe fail, and it'll go along for you!

LAURA: Half as much damage on a successful save. so 14d6 necrotic damage halved.


LAURA: Two, four, six, eight, 10, 12--

SAM: She's bad.

LAURA: 14.

TALIESIN: Harm is quite a--

MARISHA: Harm is gnarly.

LAURA: Okay.

SAM: In London, it's pronounced "arm."

TRAVIS: I like the lineup.

LAURA: I know, me too. 10--

SAM: 'Arm.

LAURA: 20, 30, 40, 49, 52, 54 points of necrotic damage, halved.

TALIESIN: So that's 22 points of damage?

MATT: 27.


TALIESIN: 27 points of damage. Thank you. Ow.

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: That hurt.

LAURA: Oh, I just realized I could have done something else. That's okay. I'm going to use my bonus action to move my duplicate up to the edge of the T-Rex if I can get to him.

MATT: Mm-hmm. Right there?

LAURA: My duplicate's going to go stand out on the middle of the lava, and just hold her arms up to Pike and say: I'll catch you! (laughter)

SAM: Demented.

MATT: That's fucked up. I respect that. All right.

LAURA: Then I'm going to step back into the hut.

MATT: Okay. Yeah. Percy, you're well aware of the little gopher that keeps popping in and out.

TALIESIN: That's a nice dig, that's fair.

MATT: So finishing Jester's turn, that brings us to Pike. Pike, you are in the T-Rex's mouth, but you are conscious with one hit point.

ASHLEY: Ooh, okay.

SAM: Heal yourself! Get out of there! Burn his face off!


SAM: Heal yourself 70 points!

ASHLEY: Oh god.

SAM: Do something or anything!

ASHLEY: Um, um, um, um, um.

MARISHA: Oh my god.

MATT: Divine Intervention could be a possibility, but--

ASHLEY: We can do that here?

MATT: Yeah, it's an ability. Just that'll be your action.

LIAM: It's a crapshoot.

TALIESIN: It's a big--

LAURA: Ooh, it's a big crapshoot.

ASHLEY: It's a crapshoot, man.

LIAM: One in five.

ASHLEY: I feel like it just-- I think that worked for me one time.

LAURA: It was major, though.

ASHLEY: It was awesome!

MATT: Yeah, that was during the Vorugal fight.

ASHLEY: Sure was.

LAURA: It also worked in Search for Grog, didn't it?

MATT: That's true.

ASHLEY: I would have to roll--

MATT: 15 or lower on a 100 percent.

LAURA: It was Search for Bob.

LIAM: The odds are way against it, way against.

TALIESIN: 15 out of 100. Actually it's even worse.

TRAVIS: One in six.

ASHLEY: What I'm going to do is--

MARISHA: What a do?

ASHLEY: I mean, the thing is if I try to heal myself, he's going to chop again, and all that's going to go away!

SAM: Can you stun him? Can you paralyze him? Can you polymorph? Can you go somewhere else?

LIAM: If she does stun him, he's going to open his mouth. She's in a bad place.

SAM: Oh no, that nice girl's going to catch her!

LAURA: I've got you! Don't worry!

MATT: This is really fucked.

SAM: She seems really cute.

MARISHA: I can't wait till Ronin starts playing competitive sports or competitive anything. And you're going to be the like, "This ref is bullshit!" You're going to be that mom.

TRAVIS: I'll just be holding her by the back of her shirt. "Stop."

MARISHA: Fucking ref!


MATT: All right, Pike. What you got?

ASHLEY: I don't know if this is going to work, because I haven't done this before. But I'm going to try to cast Command.

SAM: Yes.

MATT: Okay. What are you commanding?

SAM: Choose this carefully.

ASHLEY: I was going to say "drop."

SAM: Drop is probably bad. Drop's probably bad.

TALIESIN: Not helping. That's not a good idea anyway.

SAM: There's other words, though.

TRAVIS: Heal! (laughs)

SAM: There's stop, there's--


ASHLEY: How to word this?

SAM: There's protecc.


SAM: With two c's.

TALIESIN: No helping. (laughter)

SAM: That's a one word thing.

ASHLEY: Oh boy, you can only use one word!

MATT: Yeah. Can I just be like, "Hey, over here"? Like tell him over-- Oh, fucking fuck.

MATT: It is your action to cast Command, just so you know.

LIAM: You could say charge. That has nothing to do with biting you.

SAM: But then he'll bite you on his next turn.

MATT: Right, and you have one hit point.

TRAVIS: One word to describe what you--

ASHLEY: Who's around?

SAM: He only does the command on his next turn.

TRAVIS: I think?

LAURA and SAM: Yeah.

MATT: Correct, yeah. Not immediately.

SAM: So no matter what you're doing, you're buying yourself one turn without getting bit.

ASHLEY: Yeah. Okay.

SAM: Could be to stop. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.

MATT: It could be go, it could be, you know.

ASHLEY: Um, um, um. Yeah, can I say protect? Me? Does that work? Protect?

MATT: Two words.

ASHLEY: Protect.

MATT: Okay. Make a-- is it a wisdom saving throw?

ASHLEY: It's a wisdom saving throw.

MATT: Using the T-Rex's wisdom.

TRAVIS: Okay. 14.

MATT and LIAM: Fail.

ASHLEY: Is it against mine?

MATT: Against your DC. That's a fail. So you are now-- the crushing stops, and the T-Rex is just holding you there.

ASHLEY: I should have said move. Goddamn it. (laughter)

TRAVIS: But hey, maybe if somebody tries to come up and hit you out of my mouth, I'll protect.

MATT: Well, when it gets, when it gets to his turn we'll see how he interprets protecting. That's up to him. And me. Kind of in between.

LIAM: If he was smart enough to angle you over burning lava--

MATT: This'll be a conversation.

LIAM: -- then his brain would be smart enough to understand that lava that he was going to drop you into is the opposite of protect.

MATT: Hey, we'll get there.

SAM: Maybe.

MATT: We'll get there. We'll see what happens. We'll find out.


MATT: Finishing, so Pike, that's your action.

SAM: Can we get an ancient zoologist on the phone? (laughter)

SAM: Can we do a phone a friend?

MATT: All right.

ASHLEY: Yeah, That's my action.

TRAVIS: Dr. Grant?

ASHLEY: That's my action, because I can't heal myself with a bonus. Okay, that's what I got!

MATT: Percy, you're up.

SAM: Don't have a bonus?

ASHLEY: I can't, because I used that spell.

TALIESIN: That changes what I wanted to do. Can I see Beau?

MATT: Oh yeah, you have a clear line of sight to Beau.

TALIESIN: All right.

MARISHA: Disadvantage on all these attacks.


MARISHA: Because I have Patient Defense up.

TALIESIN: Does Sharpshooter get around Patient Defense, or no?

MATT: Sharpshooter? No.

LIAM: You don't get disadvantage on long range.

MATT: Correct, this isn't cover, this is her actively defending against your strikes.

LIAM: Monk shit.


MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: All right. I'm going to use my bonus action for Second Wind.

MARISHA: Oh, you bitch.

LIAM: Great. Great move.

SAM: Great move.

LIAM: With what you had.

TALIESIN: That's nice, that's 25 hit points back I heal.

MARISHA: 45 hit points back?

TALIESIN: So I heal, that's the end of that. And I'm going to just take one attack to reload Bad News.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: One shot.

MATT: At who?


MATT: All right, so roll with disadvantage.

TALIESIN: Roll with disadvantage.

SAM: Goddamn it. Monks!

TALIESIN: (laughs) Well, that's going to hit. I rolled two 17s. So that's 30 to hit.

MARISHA: That hits!

TALIESIN: And that's-- Ooh, where's my damage? There's my damage.

LAURA: How much do you think he can do on an action surge?

TALIESIN: Where's the other one? There's the other one.

MATT: At this level?

TALIESIN: Oh, and you're hexed, aren't you?


TALIESIN: So that adds a d6 of necrotic. Isn't that nice?

MARISHA: I used my reaction, right, Matt? Or have I used my reaction since I Patient Defensed?

MATT: You have not used your reaction since you--

MARISHA: Patient defensed.

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: All right.

TALIESIN: (blowing raspberry) That's terrible. 11 points of piercing damage and six points of necrotic.

MARISHA: Uh... Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to use my reaction to deflect missiles.

MATT: All righty, go for it.

MARISHA: That's cocked. One more time, one more time! Okay, okay. Yeah, I negate all damage.

TALIESIN: I like you.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

TALIESIN: I reload my gun. And then knowing where you are, I'm just going to walk around to the other side of the tower so that I can't be hit by Jester.

MATT: You've got it. You shift your placement.

TALIESIN: Yeah, other side of the roof.

MATT: You got it, taking cover. Okay. Finishing your go, Percy. Beau, you're up.

MARISHA: Ah! Oh, right, I'm here! Where am I?

MATT: You are right behind the T-Rex.

MARISHA: I'm right behind the T-Rex.

MATT: You're in shitting range of it.

MARISHA: Can I get-- Oh, I see, I am in shitting range. Great. Great, great, great. Okay. And the last time we saw the gem, it was on the top of the tower, correct?

MATT: Correct.

MARISHA: The big one?

MATT: Yep.

LAURA: We didn't see Vax fly up there?

MATT: Nope.

MARISHA: I want to, like--

MATT: You saw him fly off in that direction, yeah.

MARISHA: I want to run along this way, and going towards that,

MATT: Like-- oh god!


ASHLEY: It's done!

MARISHA: Yeah. Like along that ridge.

MATT: That ridge there?

MARISHA: Uh-huh. And then where that chain is dangling down, and then I want to wall climb up, my movement.

MATT: Okay. So 50 feet, you said?


MATT: 55 will get you onto the tower.

MARISHA: Great. What do I see?

MATT: You run, grab the chain, run up the side of the wall, Leap, land, and look. Gem's gone.

MARISHA: Gem is gone.

MATT: Gem is gone.

MARISHA: Right, because-- but I don't know that. Okay. Do I see anything else? Do I see feather boy?


MARISHA: I don't see anybody?


MARISHA: Goddamn it. Yeah, he really got me this time. Okay. That was my 55 feet of movement?

MATT: Yep.

MARISHA: I-- oof, lame. That's all I can do. I'm going to Patient Defense again.

MATT: Okay, Patient Defense, boom. You got it.

LAURA: Is that an action or a bonus action?

MATT: Well, it was a bonus action and you spend a ki point to keep going?


MATT: Okay, that finishes Beau's go.

LAURA: Did you use your action at all?

MARISHA: I didn't use my action, but there's not-- is there anything else--

MATT: Well, you can take the Dodge action as an action.

MARISHA: Oh, that's right. I will take the Dodge action and I-- Yeah, I don't-- using my perception, I don't see anybody up there? I don't see any feathered guy?


MARISHA: Then I'll use my Dodge action.

TRAVIS: Smart.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Okay, that's it.

MATT: Okay, finishing your turn, it is now Vax's go.

LIAM: Okay, I'm going to use bonus action to hide where I am.

MATT: Okay, roll a stealth check.

LIAM: Natural 20.

MATT: He has stealthed into the Mighty Nein's campaign.

LIAM: I'm gone.

MATT: It's impressive. (laughter)

MATT: All right, and you do what you do?

LIAM: Yeah.

LAURA: Just flies above us taunting us for the rest of the campaign.

MARISHA: Yeah. (laughs)

LIAM: I'm going to-- I have to-- we're right down to the wire here. I have to tell you privately what I'm doing.

MATT: Okay, let me know. Finishing your turn, Fjord, you're up. On your turn, protect. Go ahead and roll an intelligence check for me.

TRAVIS: (laughs) As a T-Rex?

MATT: Yep.

TRAVIS: Awesome. Minus four. (laughs) (laughter)

MARISHA: Oh my god!

ASHLEY: He could be like-- Yeah. This was just--


MATT: You got to protect.


MATT: This lava looks dangerous.

TRAVIS: It does. We should probably move away from this lava.

MATT: Yeah, I think so. Where do you want to go?

TRAVIS: We should probably go, and I feel like--

LAURA: My duplicate's saying: Just toss her down to me. It's okay.

TRAVIS: She's being pretty nice, but I really want to make sure that she's okay. So I'm going to go all 50 feet and put her over here.

SAM: That's a good boy.

MATT: Okay, and you set her down or keep her in your mouth? You tell me. You're the T-Rex.

TRAVIS: Well yeah, I'll put her down and I'll turn my back to her, like-- (thudding footsteps)

MATT: Okay, okay.

LAURA: That's really cute.

MATT: You are no longer grappled, Pike.

SAM: It's Sun Girl and Devil Dinosaur.


ASHLEY: That might've been a bad idea because with my one hit point I'm going to make a come back. (laughter)

MARISHA: You never know.

MATT: That's great.

LIAM: All right, I can say out loud what I was going to do, which was to hold an action. I hid, natural 20, was going to creep up behind the cage that is middle of the battlefield.

MATT: Now which, by the way, just so you know-- as you step behind there--

LIAM: I'm flying. I'm not stepping on nothing.

MATT: Sorry, yes.

LIAM: I'm hovering low.

MATT: Right.

LIAM: And I'm behind-- I'm on the edge of that round cage that's there.

MATT: Got it.

LIAM: And I was going to throw a dagger at the dinosaur if I saw that Pike was safe.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: And he's engaged with her. So I should get sneak attack damage.

SAM: But Matt, what where you about to say?

MATT: No, no we're good.

SAM: Well, we'll never know.

MATT: So you would be appearing right there, right behind the side of the cage?

LIAM: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Yeah, he's within 60 feet.

LIAM: Pop. That hits, rolled a natural 18.

TRAVIS: Oh yeah.

LIAM: Here, where's my character sheet. So--

SAM: Oh, it must be hot in that vest.

LIAM: And that is a two.

MATT: I can only imagine how warm in that outfit is right now.

LIAM: Two plus six is eight--

MARISHA: But he looks fabulous.

MATT: He does.

SAM: I want to be buried in this, guys. Same four dollar clown makeup. (laughter) That I bought at a kids' store.

TRAVIS: You got a lot of makeup out of that four bucks.

LIAM: That's 38 points of damage.

MATT: 38 points of damage to you. Go ahead and make a constitution saving throw.

TRAVIS: Constitution saving throw. That is a 16.

MATT: And what would you-- what was the total damage?

LIAM: 38.

MATT: 38. That does not succeed. You drop your Polymorph form. And with that, Fjord, normal Fjord is back on the menu, boys.

TRAVIS: Back on the menu, boys.

LIAM: Now Jester's in the hut, Beau's up top doing this. So-- and I rolled a natural 20 so I'm hoping I'm still somewhat low-key anyway.

LAURA: You hid and then you attacked.

MATT: When you attack, you reveal yourself.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: So I mean, line of sight is really what it comes down to, but people are aware of your presence. If they are in line of sight. Fjord definitely knows you're there, 'cause you hit him.

TRAVIS: Where is he, where is he?

MATT: Right there.

MARISHA: He's by this cage.

TRAVIS: Oh, that's right.

LIAM: Hit you in the ass.

MATT: This should be-- should be there and there. But Fjord, it's your turn.

TRAVIS: Oh, it is my turn!

MATT: Indeed! You went and protected that little Pike and then you're not a T-Rex anymore, and you took a dagger and you're feeling kind of rough.

TRAVIS: Do I still have the protect or the Command on me in this--

LAURA: No, you took damage

MARISHA: And you did it.

LAURA: Once you take damage--

MATT: Oh, I did the turn out of order. That's on me.

LAURA: Oh, because he was holding his action, that's why

MATT: No-- that's true. Yeah, so no, so you're-- this is your turn. That's right because that was not your turn.

LIAM: I was waiting for him to put her somewhere safe.

MATT: So as soon as she was safe, he attacked. Never mind. You weren't in your turn. Thank you.

TRAVIS: So no-- no protect, or no, that's it?

MATT: You did it. Sorry, I got confused in the midst of that battle. Jester, you're up.

LAURA: I can't see anything from where I am, so I'm going to run out of the hut.

MATT: Okay, it's 10 feet there. You see--

LAURA: What can I see, anything?

MATT: From where you are right here, you can see the T-Rex is gone. You see your duplicate there. You see Fjord across the way.

LAURA: Can I see Pike?

MATT: If you keep moving, if you want to. You can try.

LAURA: I'll take a couple of steps forward.

MATT: Now you see Pike on the way over there, yeah.

SAM: (gruff voice) Hi, what's your name?

MATT: And you see a--

SAM: (gruffly) Want to hear a song? (gruff laugh)

LAURA: You're not wearing any pants.

MATT: Spectral buns. Roll a wisdom saving throw.

TRAVIS: I like you.

LAURA: I'm going to-- oh god.

MATT: What are you doing?

LAURA: I'm going to-- I'm going to Pike this, and I'm going to cast Guiding Bolt--

MATT: Right up her butt?

ASHLEY: Right up the butt.

LAURA: ♪ Right up the butt! ♪

MATT: All right, go ahead and roll an attack. One hit point left, you get set down, transforms, and out of the corner of your eye, you see-- (whistling)

SAM: Oh boy, that's not good.

LAURA: 17.

MATT: 17. You put your shield up just in time. It arcs across the metal and splatters, no effect.

SAM: No effect.

LIAM: Whoa, ping.

ASHLEY: Not even-- it's not even an halved?

MATT: No, Guiding Bolt is-- you roll to hit and if you don't hit, it's gone. It's all or nothing.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Oh man.

LAURA: So I'm going to--

SAM: This is a roller coaster.

MATT: No joke.

LIAM: I mean, I feel like Vox Machs is going lose, but--

LAURA: No, I feel like they're coming back. I feel like they're coming back. Can I run-- How much more movement do I have?

MATT: From there, you have 15 more feet, so three more squares.

LAURA: Can I run to the other side of the wall?

MATT: Over here, you mean?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Yeah. There? You got it.

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: Sorry you missed.

MATT: All right, finishing Jester's turn. Pike, you're up.

LIAM: Oh boy.

ASHLEY: I just-- I have a question.

MATT: Yes, what's your question?

MARISHA: Oh my god.

ASHLEY: I mean, because of the-- because of what we're doing here, things like Revivify or things like that are probably not going to--

MATT: They're viable. It's assumed you all have components for your spells.

SAM: I've already checked out, mentally. (laughter)

TRAVIS: I'd have been drinking real hard.

SAM: I'm done performing.

ASHLEY: Okay, well, in that case--

SAM: No, please, please. I've got shit I wanted to do.

ASHLEY: I don't think I can get to you on this turn, though.

SAM: Don't you have super fast movement?

ASHLEY: That gets me 50 feet.

LIAM: You got a bomb you could drop on Fjordy?

SAM: Got it. I don't know. Like I said, I checked out, so.


SAM: Like cure yourself, but maybe move towards me?

LIAM: Bomb Fjordy and get to a safer position?

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so I'm going to--

LAURA: You really protected her. Good job. (laughter)

MATT: That was the spell.

TRAVIS: It was.

MATT: It wasn't of his own volition. That was a T-Rex mind.

TRAVIS: I also walked her 40-- more than 50 feet away from Scanlan.

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: The three of us debated who was the most dangerous in their group and we decided it was Jester, but we were wrong. It's really Laura.

TRAVIS: Yeah, it was the fourth. (laughter)

MATT: That is absolute truth. Absolute truth.

ASHLEY: Okay, okay this is what I'm doing. This is what I'm doing. I'm going to-- I'm going to do this.

MARISHA: The pigtails are a ruse.

ASHLEY: Okay, I--

LIAM: I'm here to win, biatch.

ASHLEY: Since Fjord is in front of me, I'm going to--

LIAM: Don't feel bad about it. Kill that motherfucker!

ASHLEY: Okay, Inflict Wounds at... what do I have left?

LIAM: We still have a mostly okay Percy. I'm still mostly okay.

LAURA: Bonus action to move over towards Fjord. My duplicate. I keep forgetting to say my bonus action.

ASHLEY: Oh, I still have that left.

LAURA: That's my only thing I can do with that bonus action.

ASHLEY: Let me see what that would take us to. Okay, so that would do-- Okay, I'm going to do it at 5th-level.

SAM: Don't you use that Revivify slot.

MATT: Okay, Inflict Wounds. That's a melee touch attack.

SAM: Kill him!

ASHLEY: Okay, where did it go?

MATT: So you move up.

ASHLEY: There it is, okay. So I roll.

MATT: At 5th-level?

ASHLEY: At 5th-level.

MATT: Ooh.

LAURA: Yeah, that's a lot. That's a lot of damage.

ASHLEY: Okay, I'm going to roll for it. Let's go with this one. Oh my god. (laughs) It was a natural one. It's a natural one.

SAM: You have to roll to hit?

ASHLEY: Yeah, you have to.

MATT: For the, for the thing.

ASHLEY: That's a natural one. Okay, so.

LIAM: That's it.

TRAVIS: We've had some turns pulled.

LAURA: Yeah, we've had-- there's a-- that's-- I just did nothing on mine, so.

MATT: Well--

TRAVIS: You got bonus.

MATT: -- the good news is you didn't take the radiant damage from striking him with a melee attack, which would've put you to zero.

LAURA: (shocked noises)

ASHLEY: Okay. I don't know what you're saying to me. My brain's--

LAURA: You would have died.

TRAVIS: If you hit me, you would have--

MATT: You both would have--

ASHLEY: Oh, oh, oh. What a plus. (laughter)

ASHLEY: Okay, so then I'm going to--

TRAVIS: 57, you could've taken one more.

ASHLEY: I'm going to-- I don't think I can do anything else.

SAM: You can move.

ASHLEY: Yeah, I'll move.

SAM: Oh wait, is he going to get an attack?

ASHLEY: He will.

MATT: He will, if he hits.

TRAVIS: It's true. You got a high AC.

ASHLEY: Okay, I'm--

SAM: So she did cast her spell. It just didn't hit?

MATT: Correct.

ASHLEY: Yeah, so I can't do anything to-- all right.

MATT: Are you going to move or are you staying put?

ASHLEY: I've going to move, because I have a-- I'm going to chance it because I can't stay there. We got Jester on my tail. So I'm going to go, I'm going to just try to go behind this tower.

MATT: Behind the tower? Fjord, you get an attack of opportunity.

TRAVIS: Okay, I'm going to use War Caster and use the cantrip Booming Blade on the melee attack.

MATT: Oh, that's smart.

TRAVIS: That is a 10 plus 13 for 23.

ASHLEY: That just hits.

MARISHA: Oh my god.

TRAVIS: So that is the regular weapon-- Yeah, it doesn't matter does it?

ASHLEY: I'm out.

MATT: She's down, again after all that.

MARISHA: What does Booming Blade do?

LIAM: What's the flavor for it?

TRAVIS: It hits and then if you move again, it hits you as soon as you move.

MATT: Yeah, so he was kind of locking her.

ASHLEY: I mean, I'd be out now or later.

MATT: Yeah, but--

ASHLEY: Now, it's good candy.

MATT: You're unconscious, Pike, as you go to rush away, (boof). Consciousness goes dark, visions of a ass shaking ghost--

TRAVIS: I'm kind of confused, because I feel like I was supposed to protect.

SAM: Welcome to the afterlife. It's just me forever! For eternity.

MATT: Finishing Pike's go. Percy, you're up.

TALIESIN: All right, I'm going to-- I'm going to roll around to the other side of--

MARISHA: Did you just bust out Ricky Martin?!

ASHLEY: It's kind of nice!

SAM: Yes!

TALIESIN: -- to the complete other side of the tower to try and get a look at things.

MATT: You see Jester there, who is mostly untouched. You have another Jester way over there and you have a fairly hurt Fjord and an unconscious Pike right next to him.

TALIESIN: So I'm going to take out Bad News and I'm going to take a shot at Fjord.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Do it. Do it, Rockapella.

TALIESIN: Let's see what this does. For fuck's sake. (laughter)


TALIESIN: (gun misfiring)

MARISHA: Did you do the thing? Oh no!

TALIESIN: Burn a bonus action to fix it.

LIAM: He rolled so much better as Molly.

TALIESIN: I know, it's so sad.

MARISHA: You should just come be Molly again.

TRAVIS: Fight against it, Percy. (whispering) Be the Nein.

TALIESIN: Have to burn that to make that happen and roll, what is it, a dex?

MATT: It's your dexterity plus your proficiency modifier.

TALIESIN: Dexterity plus--

MATT: So it should be 11, plus 11.


MATT: Yeah, you're fine. So you quick repair it, unclog it, get it ready for your second attack.

TALIESIN: All right, second attack. (blows raspberry) That's a 18 to hit.

MATT: Does that hit?


TALIESIN: All right.

TRAVIS: I have a low AC. Always have.

MATT: Actually, you have a pretty good AC. It's just you have other people around you that have stupid ACs.

TRAVIS: In comparison, yes, thank you. I do have a good AC!

MATT: Just sayin'!

TALIESIN: It's 20 to hit-- no, it's 20 points.

MATT: 20 points of damage.

TRAVIS: Gotcha.

MATT: Okay, so that's your second attack.

TALIESIN: That was my second attack, but I had to burn one of those attacks to--

MATT: Well, the repair is a bonus action, I thought.

TALIESIN: The repair is a bonus-- oh!

MATT: Oh, but you have to reload every shot. So yeah, you do.

TALIESIN: So that's all I got.

MATT: That's all you got.

TALIESIN: I'm going to go take some cover again.

MATT: All right, around the way.

SAM: Boy, it sure is good to have Percy here.

TALIESIN: It's 20 points of damage. What the fuck are you doing?

SAM: Mollymauk can, you know--

TALIESIN: Get up, you lazy bastard.

SAM: -- turn off teleports. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Are you arguing with a ghost? (laughs) The pantsless ghost.

MATT: Beau, it's your turn.

LIAM: He's just in a bathrobe with everything hanging out.

MARISHA: Did Feathered Fuck reveal his location when he moved? Did I see it with my--

MATT: Not to you. Where you're standing right now, you just see the top of the tower.

MARISHA: I can't-- I didn't really know. I will move-- can I move to the edge of the tower and to the front and see what I see?

MATT: About 20 feet there, you look off the side, and you can see the battlefield. You see Pike unconscious, you see Jester and Fjord over there, and you see down by the cage the winged individual that you've been chasing.

SAM: ♪ Down by the cage! ♪

LIAM: I live in a cage, down by the lava.

MARISHA: Yeah. Aw. (kiss) I'm going to-- fuck it. I'm not going to ask questions. I'm just going to do it. I see Feathered Fuck, and I'm like, this guy's really annoying. And I'm going to rear back and run and I'm going to do Step of the Wind. My jump distance is doubled and I'm going to take my staff and I'm going to swirl it overhead as I go and I'm just flying coming down with a giant slap on top of his ass.

LIAM: Disadvantage.

MATT: You will take fall damage.


TALIESIN: Will you?

MARISHA: Probably not.

MATT: We're going to find out here-- that is.

LIAM: She's doing the Crouching Tiger just--

MATT: That's actually a crazy roll. 20 points of bludgeoning damage.

SAM: Damn.

MARISHA: Negated.

MATT: Never mind, never mind.

ASHLEY: You can do that every turn?

MARISHA: It just that's a thing. It's just a thing. It's five times my monk level and I just negate that level of fall damage.

TRAVIS: It's like barbarians, like all slashing, piercing, it's all halved.

MARISHA: Just goes away.

MATT: Campaign Three No Monks 2021.

SAM: All monks.

MARISHA: So these are at disadvantage?

TRAVIS: Path of the Totem Warrior, anything but psychic is down.

MATT: Why is everything immune to stun? This is weird.

LIAM: You've got a good chance. You'll get me. This is the one.

MARISHA: (scream of effort) Just screaming as I come down disadvantage plus 12 to all these attacks. Oof, that is four so that doesn't hit. That's 16.

MATT: You land, he sidesteps the staff. Whack! Hits the ground. Bits of rock and shale crack and fly off of the side.

MARISHA: I slap my bo staff down to the ground and you see it like reverberate up and as I use that momentum as it pops up, I take it and I swing it around for a wide strike for the second hit. Oh, that's better.

LIAM: Do it.

MARISHA: That is a 24, 12 plus 12.

MATT: That hits.

LIAM: You got me.

MARISHA: That hits. (gibberish) That is 13 damage, nope, no. Seven plus four is 11 damage.

LIAM: Okay, Uncanny Dodge to half it. But you hit me.

MARISHA: Which means you're no longer disadvantage for--

LIAM: That's right, 'til my next turn starts in a second.

MARISHA: Which is next. Yeah, I am going to-- you know what, because I hit him, Stunning Strike.

MATT: Roll a constitution saving throw.

LIAM: Okay.

MARISHA: Come on.

LIAM: 18.

MARISHA: He just saves. All right. Flurry-- it's a high save. Flurry of Blows.

MATT: How many points do you have?

MARISHA: I have, after-- that was my last one, or sorry, with that one I have two points left.

MATT: Okay, I was going to say, they're getting pretty low.

MARISHA: It's not-- yeah, it's not a lot.

MATT: All right, so Flurry of Blows.

MARISHA: It's not a lot.

SAM: She's done a ki point every single round.

MATT: These are not-- these are not at disadvantage.

MARISHA: Oh, these are not at disadvantage.

MATT: Right because his cloak, because you hit him, the cloak no longer-- So just take those two rolls is your next two.

ASHLEY: Damn, I want to play a monk.

MARISHA: Okay, so those two-- They're amazing, you should totally play them. They both hit, that is a 19 and a 12 for another 24 plus-- and then the 19 being a 31.

LIAM: I don't know what you said, but you got me.

MARISHA: They both hit is the point.

SAM: Hi guys, how ya doing?


MARISHA: So you're down, you're down, you're a problem. There's you, though.

LIAM: Did you hit me? Are you going to damage me?

MARISHA: I hit you. I'm just trying to decide if I'm going to do another.

TRAVIS: Work him.

ASHLEY: Once I'm out, we're going to dance naked.

MARISHA: Should I do it?

ASHLEY: Around everybody.

LAURA: Yeah, because he's got the-- Oh, you don't know that.

SAM: Splash in the lava?

MARISHA: Stunning Strike. Stunning Strike for this next one as well. Terrible damage, I rolled a one so eight damage. Stunning Strike.

LIAM: You got me.

MARISHA: He is stunned for this next one. He has advantage, I have advantage.

LIAM: I'm stunned. Yeah, that's it.

MARISHA: 29 to hit. I rolled a 17.

LIAM: I was on my way to get you.

MARISHA: And another 11 points of damage.

MATT: Another 11 points of damage on you.

LIAM: Okay.

ASHLEY: I'm only unconscious, you guys, we can still win this fight.

MATT: I believe in you, I believe in you.

SAM: If somehow Percy--

TRAVIS: And you got a de Rolo on the roof.

MATT: Exactly.

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah!

TRAVIS: Sitting up there like Jason Bourne.

LAURA: Still, but--

MARISHA: I know, I know.

MATT: All righty, so--

MARISHA: Yeah, that's my turn. And I use-- I have one ki point left.

MATT: Vax, you're stunned.

LIAM: Yes.

MATT: Fjord, you're up.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'll walk up next to Jester. Be like: Whenever you get a chance, a heal would be great. And I'll just point a hand back at Pike and pump two of my three Eldritch Blasts into her.

MATT: All right, she is prone on the ground so you have disadvantaged on these strikes.

TRAVIS: Ooh, interesting.

LIAM: It'll still go okay for you, though.

LAURA: But if they hit, it's an automatic?

MATT: It's an automatic failed death save.

TRAVIS: Disadvantage. That's a natural one.

MATT: All right, so the first one misses.

TRAVIS: I might need all three of them.

LAURA: But you'd be at advantage if you used your sword. You're at disadvantage because you're using your hex.

TRAVIS: Well, I already said Eldritch Blast.

MATT: Already rolling.

TRAVIS: That is not terrible. That's a 23 exactly. Lowest is a 13.

ASHLEY: That works.

MATT: So you fail a death save.

ASHLEY: Fail a death save.

TRAVIS: And a 19, so I miss.


MATT: They impact, but the armor absorbs most of the blast and only one of the seems to get through and it scatters a few inches to one side from the impact. Still breathing.

MARISHA: Pike is buff.

SAM: We're going to win, guys.

TRAVIS: Sorry, Laura, I forgot!

LAURA: No, it's fine. (laughter)

MATT: All right, that finishes Fjord's turn.


MARISHA: We'll get them at state.

MATT: Okay, oh that's right you can still move and stuff.

TRAVIS: (humming) Bonus action, I thought I had a thought, but I didn't anticipate missing out on those things. Yeah, I guess that's it. Okay. I don't remember what it was.

MATT: Okay, that brings us to Jester's go.

LAURA: I'm going to step out so I have line of sight.

MATT: To them?

LAURA: To Fjord.

MATT: All right, you got it.

LAURA: And I'm going to send my duplicate over to him and say: Don't worry about it, don't worry, that was amazing. She's, like, practically dead. Look, her eyes are bleeding. And I'm going to cast Cure Wounds at level... four.

MATT: Go for it. Roll them dice.

LIAM: In reversal, healing Pike!

SAM: She's healing Pike?

MATT: Who would've thought?

LAURA: Where are my--

TALIESIN: You remember how to heal?

MATT: I was going to say, if Jester became the heal in this, that would be, like, the most unexpected.

LAURA: 15 points plus five, so 20 points of healing.

TRAVIS: I'll take it.

LAURA: Yeah, and then for my bonus action, I'm just going to move my duplicate over to stand right next to Pike.

MATT: Over here, okay, you got it. Right next to Pike.

LIAM: Good luck finding it.

LAURA: And I'm going to use the rest of my movement--

MARISHA: Where'd you hide it, Vax?

LAURA: -- to move into the--

LIAM: Up my dick.

LAURA: No, to move around the wall. Can I--

MATT: Around here?

SAM: Joke's on you: he's got three dicks.

LAURA: Yes, sir.

MATT: Okay, make an athletics check.

LIAM: Dagger, dagger, dagger.

MARISHA: Game show mechanics.

LAURA: Am I jumping over something? Oh yeah, yeah, okay.

MATT: If you're climbing over it, then it's an athletics check.

LIAM: Action, action, bonus action.

LAURA: 17 plus three, it's 20.

MATT: Yeah, you managed to get over it and you're now on this side of the wall.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Okay, that finishes Jester's go.


MATT: Pike, roll a death saving throw for me.

ASHLEY: Here we go, guys. I'mma a roll my Pike dice.

SAM: That's officious.

ASHLEY: Where is it?

LIAM: It's in the wires directly below the table.

LAURA: Like amidst the wires.

LIAM: You could roll another one.

ASHLEY: But can I, what do you think?

MATT: If you want to find it, if you want to call it, go find it and tell me what it is.

ASHLEY: I got to call it, hold up.

MARISHA: It's right, it's under--

LAURA: Yeah, it's in the wires.

LIAM: The very front edge of the table.

MARISHA: Yeah, keep going.

MATT: No, I respect this, I'm all about this.

MARISHA: There it is.

LAURA: Yeah, can you see it?

MATT: Need your phone?

MARISHA: What is it?

ASHLEY: Fuck! (laughter)

ASHLEY: Nope, I failed.

MATT: That was incredible. That was incredible.

ASHLEY: I'm using it because it's not like if I come back it's going to-- I'm in between-- I fail.

MATT: Okay, so you lose the second death saving throw, you got it.

ASHLEY: Oh no.

MATT: That's Pike's turn.

TRAVIS: Actually, I hit her when she was prone and that was two, right?

MATT: Only with a melee attack is it a crit that takes away two.

TRAVIS: God, I'm a fucking idiot. Cool.

MATT: So finishing Pike's go. Percy, you're up.

ASHLEY: I don't get any bonus actions or--

MATT: No, you're bleeding out and unconscious, I'm sorry.

TALIESIN: I'm going to roll sideways so I can get a shot at Fjord. And I'm going to take a shot at Fjord.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: This is one of those irritating ones, bonus action reload. Well, no I'm holding on that. I'm going to reload, take a shot. That hits. That's like 27. That's like 30 to hit.

MATT: Okay.


TALIESIN: And that's just this.

MATT: Do you still have your cloak charged?

TALIESIN: No, I emptied that into--

MATT: Oh, into Beau, that's right. What about when Jester just hit you with the--

TALIESIN: With what?

LAURA: With the Harm spell.

TALIESIN: I think I can only absorb once a day.

MATT: Oh, that's right. Never mind, you're good.

TALIESIN: I'm out. That's--

SAM: All of our vestiges were nothing against your wits.

TALIESIN: 15 points of damage.


SAM: And your stun. Your T-Rex.

MATT: Stun in PvP is broken.

MARISHA: Stun in PvP is broken, you're not wrong.

TALIESIN: Bonus action reload, fire again.

MARISHA: Monks are dope, everyone should play one.


MARISHA: Yep, yep.

TALIESIN: That hits, 17 is what I rolled. Ah ha, there we go! 22 points of damage.

TRAVIS: Still up, barely.

TALIESIN: (sucks teeth) Fff-- I'm going to continue running into the tower, if I can get-- Is there a door on the other side of that weird little?

MATT: Over here?

TALIESIN: No, no the big tower.

MATT: The big one over here?


MATT: Well, you're still on top of this one.


MATT: You'd have to climb down and go up this way if you wanted to.

TALIESIN: Yes. I was curious if there was a door behind that weird little--

MATT: No, there is not, the only door in the front.

TALIESIN: I'm going to head that way and start heading up.

MATT: Heading this way? Okay, so you climb down here. You'll get to about there with your movement.

TALIESIN: I'm good with that.

MATT: Okay, finishing Percy's go. Beauregard.

MARISHA: I'm still squared off with Vax, yeah?

LIAM: Right on me.

MARISHA: He's still stunned too, right?

MATT: Indeed. You have advantage on all attacks.

MARISHA: So am I, but his--

MATT: Cloak is back up so it's just a straight roll.

MARISHA: Straight rolls, okay. Let's use this one. Okie doke, here we go, first attack. Ooh, that was 15, I will take it as precarious as it was for a 27.

MATT: That hits.

MARISHA: 14 damage.

LIAM: Okay. I assume, I can't use Uncanny Dodge, I'm frozen stiff, right?

MATT: Yep, you have no reaction.

LIAM: Fuh-ting. So now you have advantage on it.

MARISHA: One ki point left. Now I have--

LAURA: (gasps)

MARISHA: Now I have advantage, okay. Okay. Uh-huh. 25.

LIAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: What am I going to do with my last ki point here? It's 10 damage.

LIAM: Okay.

MARISHA: Stunning Strike.

LIAM: And I have to roll an 18 or higher, right?

MARISHA: Yeah, 17 or higher.

LIAM: I rolled a one.

MARISHA: You are stunned again.

SAM: King of the ones.

MARISHA: Bonus action attack.

MATT: Don't forget, you are fate touched.

LIAM: I didn't think you'd let me use that.

MARISHA: Why, let everybody else use all their cool shit?

MARISHA: What is that, you get to do--

LIAM: One more luck. Doesn't do it.

MATT: Okay, well it was worth a shot.

MARISHA: I rolled a natural 19 on this last hit.

LIAM: This is con, right?

MATT: It is con, yeah.

LIAM: Yeah, didn't do it, didn't do it.

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So natural 19 on his last hit for 31 total.

LIAM: Gotcha.

TALIESIN: I don't see any of this.

MARISHA: And that's another 10 damage.

LIAM: Wait, wasn't-- Oh, the 31 you just said was the attack roll, not the damage. Hold on, put that back. Okay.

MARISHA: 10 damage.

MATT: You got it.

MARISHA: He is stunned, that's my turn.

MATT: Beau, you're done. Vax, you are stunned.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: Fjord, you're up.

TRAVIS: I'll go over and very respectfully salute to Pike and sink the Star Razor. (laughter)

ASHLEY: That's how you do it.

MATT: Roll with advantage.

ASHLEY: You respect my body.

MARISHA: Yeah! (laughter)

TRAVIS: With advantage?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Okay, so 29.

MATT: That definitely hits. And with that Pike.

ASHLEY: But best buddies, you look like him.

TRAVIS: (like Grog) Wait. (like Fjord) Wait, what? What am I saying? No! No! (laughter)

ASHLEY: As my body floats up, I see Scanlan and I rip off my clothes and we just go dancing in the lava.

SAM: Wee!

LIAM: And Vax, frozen, sees their souls.

MARISHA: Oh my god, you would.

MATT: Yep, yep.

MARISHA: That's so fucked up, that's amazing.

MATT: Oh, Raven Queen, not like this. Not like this. All right, that finishes Pike's go.

TRAVIS: I will move behind the tower so that whoever keeps shooting me on the roof cannot see me anymore.

MATT: You've got it.

TRAVIS: And I will, with my bonus action, cast Shield of Faith on myself.

MATT: You got it. You are faith shielded.

TRAVIS: Thank you.

MATT: All right, finishing Fjord's go, Jester, you're up.

LAURA: Okay. I'm going to come over. Can I, I guess, come around to see what Beau is doing?

MATT: You can kind of see Beau over there, squaring off against somebody and you have a pretty high perception, so you can see the wings flapping through the cage across the way.

MARISHA: We're up against the cage.

LIAM: Not too much, I'm frozen.

MATT: Well, yeah, they're having a rough time.

MARISHA: That moment in Rocky.

MATT: You have 10 more feet of movement, if want it.

LIAM: Stiffly.

LAURA: Okay.


LAURA: Then I'm going to-- I'm going to Guiding Bolt, do I get advantage? I'm going to Guiding Bolt from my duplicate because she has a straight line of sight, right from--

MATT: He does have partial cover, but it's better than three-quarters cover that he would you get from you.

LAURA: And I can't step out any further to get a better view. Like, could I move my duplicate for my bonus action so he wouldn't have any cover?

MATT: You can try.

LAURA: She can move 30 feet.

MATT: Correct, yeah, and you get a straight shot to there.

LAURA: Okay, so I would get advantage because he stunned.

MATT: Yeah, I believe so.

TALIESIN: Shite. There's nothing I can do.

MATT: Yep, yes you do.

LAURA: Okay, then I'm going to-- I'm going to try to Guiding Bolt him at level, fuck it, eight.

LIAM: Is this an attack? Like an attack roll?

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: All right, well my cloak's back up.

MATT: It is so you have disadvantage on it, but he has advantage from stun, so it's just a singular roll.

LIAM: Don't change your mind you didn't know the stats of my cloak.

MATT: Just a singular roll.

LIAM: Roll the dice.

TRAVIS: Making you choose one.

LAURA: 19.

MATT: (whooshing) He doesn't even dodge it, he can't move. But as it strikes, you see for a second like out of nowhere, this ethereal wing of black feathers and a masked face just seems to consume it into a void.

LAURA: If I'd have seen that he was blurry, I wouldn't have cast at fucking 8th-level.

LIAM: And then the illusion goes (gasping).

MATT: Well. I know, it's tough. And it looks like you're going to lose now, I'm sorry. All right, that finishes Jester's go. Percy, you're up.

TALIESIN: I'm going to take my movement to try and get on top of that gargoyle.

MATT: Okay, you get up on the gargoyle.

TALIESIN: Do I have any movement left or did that do it?

MATT: You do have 20 more feet. You do see from this perspective, there is that blue-skinned girl over that way that just shot something over that way.

TALIESIN: I'm going to spend, shit. Fuck it, I have to do it, it's really irritating. I'm going to-- I'm going to spend my bonus action, but it's going to eat up my last point to fix my gun to use my bonus action to fix Animus which has been broken this whole time.

MATT: You got it.

TALIESIN: So that's-- what's the-- It's plus 14 to the roll?

MATT: Plus 11.

TALIESIN: Plus 11, okay.


MATT: You are rolling so bad.

LAURA: It's because your magic dice got stolen.


MATT: I know.

TALIESIN: So that was a one, so it's broken.

MATT: It's broken, broken.

TALIESIN: It's broken, broken.

SAM: Hey, are you guys ghosts, too?

MATT: Well, after the fight.

TRAVIS: What the fuck?

TALIESIN: I'm fucking that, I'm going to reload Bad News, I'm going to take a shot.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: I don't know any other ghosts. It's just me and Pike.

TRAVIS: I'm new to this.

TALIESIN: That at least is going to hit.

MARISHA: We should go on a cruise!

SAM: Want to smoke a cigarette? (laughter)

MARISHA: I can pack a bowl!

TALIESIN: That's 25 to hit.





LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: You're just looking around the corner. And in like, that moment where you're like smiling after blasting him, time slows and then it rack focuses over your shoulder to this dude on this gargoyle who's just perched up there with a giant rifle. (booms)

TALIESIN: 25 points of damage.


MATT: Roll a concentration check for me, please.

SAM: This is it. The tide is turned, motherfuckers!

LAURA: Oh, at advantage, cause of War Caster.

MATT: Indeed.

SAM: One shot at a time.

LAURA: 15 plus--

MATT: Yeah, you're fine, you maintain your--

MARISHA: I'm out of ki points.

MATT: -- maintain your duplicate.

TALIESIN: I'm going to step behind the gargoyle for cover.

MATT: All righty.

TALIESIN: Just, yeah, just sticking to the wall like Spider-Man.

MATT: Yep. All right, finishing Percy's go. Beau, you're up.

MARISHA: So he's still stunned, right?

LIAM: Yep.

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: Okay. I, I didn't think this would work out this entire time. I'm going to use the Rope of Entanglement.

LIAM: Ooh!

TRAVIS: Oh, you're going to do it? That's just right.

ALL: That's just right.

ASHLEY: That's just right!

MARISHA: It's a dex save, but I think you auto-fail it if you're stunned.

MATT: Yep!


LIAM: There you go.

MATT: You're restrained.

MARISHA: Instead of it being super Indiana Jones whippy, I'm just like, "I'm really sorry." (laughter) And I tie him to the cage that he's on.

MATT: He's strapped up against it.


TALIESIN: What he would have wanted.

MARISHA: That was my action, right? Can I bonus action search his pockets? Or is that an action?

LAURA: But would his cloak be glowing? She's got a high passive.

MATT: You would need an action to search it.

MARISHA: All right, then I, um, I tie him to the cage and I just go: Sorry. Bam. And I give him an elbow straight to the face.

MATT: Well, in order to make a bonus action attack,

MARISHA: I have to attack.

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: I forget that all the time.

TRAVIS: It's okay.

MARISHA: Because normally--

SAM: Monks are so weak.

MARISHA: So weak, you shouldn't play one. (laughter)

MARISHA: Bonus action then, I don't know what else I can do, actually. Oh! No.

LIAM: You could mock him.

MATT: You can.

LIAM: That's pretty easy to do.

MARISHA: It's true, I could mock him, but that's easy.

ASHLEY: This is like Jaws. (Travis imitating music)

MARISHA: I still have a celebone, so I pull that out, and I'm like: Have you seen one of these? Crack.

MATT: (sings Strong Bad's "Techno Song")

MARISHA: And that's all I do. It's all I got.

MATT: All right, you are no longer stunned.

LIAM: Right.

MATT: You are restrained. How does he get out of the restraints? If anything?

MARISHA: He has to save from it.

LIAM: What kind of save is it?

MARISHA: Dex save.

MATT: Well, no, that was--

MARISHA: Hang on.

MATT: -- once he's wrapped.

MARISHA: Once he's wrapped. Equipment, hang on, this is new. (mumbles through spell's text) The target restrained, the rope can use an action to make a DC 15 strength or dex check.

LIAM: I'll do dex.

MARISHA: But you use your action to do it.

LIAM: That's 28.

MARISHA: Yeah, you-- you're out of it.

LIAM: So I shimmy out.

MATT: You shimmy out.

TRAVIS: Yeah, but the celebone. Now it's a party.

MATT: That's your turn?

MARISHA: Isn't this cool?

LAURA: He's still got the fucking crystal!

MARISHA: And he still has the fucking crystal. I thought I could maybe get-- it wasn't great, to be honest. (laughter)

MARISHA: Wasn't great.

ASHLEY: Oh no.

TRAVIS: You've been great.

MARISHA: It's fine.

TRAVIS: You're killing it.

MARISHA: Oh. Sorry Liam, this is your table. (obnoxious laugh) (laughter)

SAM: Insult to injury.

LIAM: Oh that's fine, I'll just take a shit under yours. (laughter)

MATT: He is pantsless, that's real easy.

LIAM: I will just fly away from her, on a straight angle up, so that I'm high above the tower that I saw F-jordy run behind.

SAM: You're flying?

MATT: Okay, do you want to make an attack of opportunity, Beauregard?

LIAM: Yeah, I got the wings.

ASHLEY: As you fly by--

TRAVIS: Beauregard? Attack of opportunity? He's taking off flying.

MATT: He's flying off.

MARISHA: Oh! Yeah!

LIAM: Did she use any reactions?

MARISHA: Yeah! Sentinel. Sentinel, bitch.

MATT: She hasn't yet, no.

MARISHA: It's a regular, straight attack, right?

MATT: No, his turn started again, so it's disadvantage.

LIAM: You can still do it, though.

MARISHA: Disadvantage-- hang on, wait, go away. I don't want the store.

LIAM: (pigeon coos)

MARISHA: Get out of here, D&D Beyond, okay.

TRAVIS: (pigeon coos)

MARISHA: 24, I rolled a 12 and a 14.

LIAM: You got it, I'm still there.

MARISHA: So Sentinel, pop!

MATT: Roll damage.

MARISHA: That's right.

MATT: No escape.

MARISHA: Nine damage.

LIAM: I'm meant to be with you. Uncanny Dodge, I'll take four from that.

MATT: Okay. Finishing Vax's go.

MARISHA: I go: No, no, no!

MATT: So that was your movement, you can't move.

LIAM: Right.

MATT: Action to break free, you have a bonus.

LIAM: Bonus action--

MATT: Flip her off?

TRAVIS: Should have done that.

LIAM: But I can't move at all.

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: I'll stab her.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: You can stab, but you can't move?

LIAM: That's the only thing I can do, and it doesn't hit because it was a super low roll. Wait, hold on, let me just make sure, I'm sure it missed.


LIAM: Yeah, it's 15. Doesn't hit.

MATT: Okay.


MATT: Fjord, you're up.

TRAVIS: Uh-- (banjo noises) Where's Vax?

LIAM: With Beau, by that cage in the center of the field. Oh, he's still on the floor?

MATT: He's still in the same place he's been.

TRAVIS: Awesome. I will just take a side step, so that I can see him staying behind-- nope, I will stay behind cover, thank you.

LIAM: There's no disengage with you, because of the Sentinel?

TRAVIS: And I will send three Eldritch Blasts towards Vax.

LIAM: Sentinel overcomes disengage.

MARISHA: Yes, it does. Because Sentinel--

MATT: Because I couldn't see,

MARISHA: --that's the thing.

MATT: I broke Fjord off the base.

MARISHA: It's like a Rogue buster.

MATT: But that's fine.

TRAVIS: No, you broke my base!

MATT: No, it's fine.

MARISHA: I'll double-check, just in case.

MATT: Let's just use this for now. We'll bring back Charlie.

TRAVIS: Charlie.

MATT: Sure.

TRAVIS: Great. Disadvantage Eldritch Blasts, right? To Mad Vax?

MATT: Not disadvantage, just a straight roll.

TRAVIS: Oh great.

MATT: He's not prone.

TRAVIS: Okay, cool. Go away, you.

MATT: And she hit him, so his thing's worn off.

TRAVIS: 15 plus 10 is a 25 for the first one.

MATT: That hits.

TRAVIS: These are plus five, cause he is Hexblade Cursed. That is eight plus five is 13, plus five is 18 for the first one.

MATT: 18 points of force damage.

LIAM: Yeah, that hurts.

MATT: 18 points, right?

TRAVIS: Second one. That's only a 17 to hit.

LIAM: Misses.

TRAVIS: Misses. Last one. (die rolls onto floor)

MATT: (laughs)

TRAVIS: That's a cocked up roll.

MATT: There's a box right in front of you that actually is really handy for not letting that happen.

TRAVIS: Fair enough. 28 to hit.

LIAM: Oh yeah, that hits. Come on, Sub-Zero, do it.

TRAVIS: 13 plus five, 18 again. 18 points of force damage.

LIAM: Got it, still standing.

SAM: May I inspire Fjord from beyond the grave?

MATT: Sure.

MARISHA: Fjord? Does he have more turns? I'll inspire Jester.

TRAVIS: That's it, and I will--

MARISHA: (laughs)

TRAVIS: I can't quite see the line of sight, but can I move just so that Vax can't see me, and Percy can't see me.

MATT: You don't know where Percy is.

TRAVIS: Oh, well, yeah. I'm pretty sure that being back here is fine, but I can just tuck back a little bit.

LIAM: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Pike and Scanlan are just boning in a pool of lava. (laughter) I've always wanted to do this in lava!

SAM: Me, too!

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Can I attempt to inspire Jester from beyond the grave?

MATT: Sure.

SAM: I'm going to read her an inspirational limerick.

LAURA: Okay.

SAM: (gruffly) You took on Vox Machina in a fighty. We made it interesting. Well, slightly. Despite Pike's holy mace, you drew a dick on our face, and proved that you Nein are mighty.

TRAVIS: Oh shit. (cheering) Death has done you right.

ASHLEY: Good stuff.

MATT: Well done.

TRAVIS: Been busy in death.

MATT: It creeps you out.

SAM: And I keep taking the fucking I'm getting from Pike. (laughter)

MATT: Which loses the inspiration, so. (laughter)

MATT: Oh god.

SAM: Is that your hand or some sort of strap-on?

LIAM: Spectral pegging.

SAM: Whatever.

TRAVIS: It's aggressive.

MATT: Jester, it's your turn.

LAURA: Oh my gosh. I feel so inspired.

TRAVIS: I love the angle that you were at, for some reason.

LAURA: Can I get over to Vax? Can I get to him?

MATT: You can certainly try.

LAURA: I'm going to try to get to him.

MATT: 30, you can't quite get to him.

ASHLEY: I rubbed my eyeliner all over me.

TRAVIS: Oh, I did the same, I'm just a smear, I think.

LAURA: You can't use your bonus action to move more, you can only use your action to move more.

MATT: To which one?

LIAM: Only a rogue can use a bonus action, or a monk can use a bonus action to move more.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: You can use an action to dash and get there.

LAURA: I can dash, but I can't use a bonus action to search him.

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: No last round.

LAURA: Can I see him?

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: Am I at disadvantage, trying to hit him?

MATT: No, he's been hit previously, he's no longer blurring.

LIAM: I'm stuck.

LAURA: Okay, then I'm going to try to cast--

LIAM: Don't need much.

TRAVIS: Yeah, just got to beat a 23.

LAURA: I'm going to try to cast Guiding Bolt at level four.

MATT: Level four, go for it.

MARISHA: Come on.

LAURA: Nope. Didn't work. I can't get to him!

SAM: Use that inspiration.

LAURA: Can I? I don't really have inspiration, do I?

SAM: Yeah, let's go home.

ASHLEY: Take it! (laughter)

SAM: Yeah, it's dead inspiration. So maybe it's just like a d6.

TRAVIS: ♪ Like a d6 ♪

MATT: All right, Jester, that finish your turn?

LAURA: Where's my duplicate?

MATT: Over there.

LAURA: She's staying next to Fjord. Wherever Fjord goes, she's going to stand in front of him.

MATT: Okay. That's as far as she can get there.

LAURA: Or just to the side of him, and shimmy.

MATT: Well, he's 25 feet away from her, so she can't quite get to him.

LAURA: Oh, okay, well.

TRAVIS: You look good.

LAURA: Cool.

MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: Work it.

MATT: Finishing Jester's go, Percy.

TALIESIN: So can I start to-- I want to curl around the tower and up, until I see something I want to shoot at. The other direction around the tower.

MATT: Oh, sorry.

LAURA: We just have to fucking search him.

MARISHA: I know, I just want that gem back.

TALIESIN: When do I see somebody?

MATT: Right about there. You can see--

TALIESIN: And that's as high as I can get while also doing that?

MATT: About there is as high as you can get there. If you want to, you can go back a little further and be higher.

TALIESIN: That's perfect.

MATT: Okay. We'll do that, then.

TALIESIN: Who can I see from up there?

MATT: From there, you can see--

TALIESIN: Fjord, or--?

MATT: You cannot see Fjord. You can see Jester, and with a little bit of cover, you can see Beauregard.

TALIESIN: I'll hit-- I can't do any of that.

SAM: No.

TALIESIN: Fucking shit. Because I'm out of anything interesting. I will take a shot at Jester.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: You know, I'm going to take this at a negative five.

MATT: All righty.

TALIESIN: That's seven-- That's 20 to hit.

LAURA: That hits me.


TRAVIS: Great Weapon Master, or whatever this is called? Sharpshooter?

MATT: Sharpshooter.


TALIESIN: Oh, you're very lucky. Maybe. 10, 20, 21, 27 points of--

LAURA: Okay.

TALIESIN: -- of damage.

MATT: Make a concentration check for me. With advantage.

MARISHA: Pretty good.

LAURA: Yeah, that's concentration--

MATT: Constitution.

LAURA: Constitution is a 15.

MATT: 15 succeeds, yeah.

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: All right.

MARISHA: The fun buns or the goggles?

ASHLEY: All of it.

TALIESIN: Reload. Take another shot, also at negative five.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: Ooh, this might miss. That's 19-- 17 to hit.

MATT: Misses.

TALIESIN: That misses. And I'm going to use my bonus action to reload.

MATT: All righty. There you go. Finishing Percy's go, Beau, you're up.

MARISHA: All right. I'm still here with Vax, right?

MATT: Yep.

MARISHA: Is it straight rolls or disadvantage?

MATT: Regular rolls right now.

MARISHA: Regular rolls.

LAURA: Is he still grappled?

MATT: No, he just couldn't escape.


MATT: Because she Sentineled him.

ASHLEY: I love this slow death.

MARISHA: You okay, bud? Boop. (laughter)

MATT: There you go. Perfect.

TRAVIS: The jab. (laughter)

MARISHA: I rolled an 18 for a 30 total.

MATT: That hits.

MARISHA: On this first attack.

LIAM: Just barely hits.

MATT: Almost off you.

MARISHA: Okay. Nine damage.

LIAM: I'm down.

MARISHA: You're down. Cool. Pop pop.

LIAM: (laughs)

MATT: So roll advantage on the next attack.

MARISHA: Advantage. I mean, yeah. Yes, yes. I rolled a 17.

MATT: So you will fail two death saves.

LIAM: And the advantage on the death saves has no bearing on that. So two death saves.

MATT: Correct. Two death saves.

MARISHA: And then bonus action--

SAM: Pop pop.


LIAM: Do it.

MARISHA: I do the thing. I just grab his wings a little, and just walk away with them.

MATT: Dragging him over the rock?

LIAM: Wow. Wow.

MARISHA: A little brutal.

LIAM: I appreciate that joke.

LAURA: Natural 20?

MARISHA: A natural 20. I swear to god.

TALIESIN: I think he explodes.

MATT: Well, how do you want to do this, I guess?

LIAM: This is twice Marisha has murdered me in battle royale.

TRAVIS: (laughs) Twice. Love, take thy beak out from my heart.

LIAM: First there was lava, now this.

MARISHA: Grabbing him, and dragging him out by his wings. And I start looking. I throw him over the lava pool, to let him start to singe while I look for the crystal.

MATT: Twice now she's killed you in lava.

LIAM: Yeah, yeah.

MARISHA: Look for the crystal.

MATT: All right. Well, you can start making an investigation check next turn.

MARISHA: That's what I do.

MATT: Okay. So you've dragged him into the lava.

LIAM: My corpse is just like blah.

ASHLEY: Slowly.

MATT: Burning and burning as you're there, All right. Cool.

SAM: As your ghost apparates, We are just 69-ing, and floating above you.

ASHLEY: Join us, Vax!

SAM: Come join in!

TALIESIN: There is one reality where I can fix this.

MATT: What the fuck?

LIAM: Be right there, I'll be right there.

SAM: Come join!

LIAM: I plan to.

TRAVIS: With Vax going down, I will heal 17 hit points, because of Hexblade's Curse, thank fuck.

MATT: All right. Now finishing Beau's go. Fjord, you're up.

TRAVIS: Oh, it is. I will creep around the corner slowly, towards the front. And as soon as I can see Percy up top, I'll send three Eldritch Blasts his way.

TRAVIS: First one is a 26.

TALIESIN: That hits.

TRAVIS: Second one is a 19.

TALIESIN: That hits.

TRAVIS: Oh! And third one is a 25.

TALIESIN: Those all three hit.

TRAVIS: Great.


TRAVIS: Yes. A d10. Two plus five. That's balls. That's seven points of force damage. Second one is a one?! That's six points of force damage. And a nine, so nine plus five, 14 points of force damage.

MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: I will move back Behind cover.

MATT: You got it. All right. Finishing that, that leads us to Jester's turn.

LAURA: Can I get over to Vax?

MATT: You can.

LAURA: And Beau.

MATT: Yeah, you can get right up, yeah.

LAURA: Okay. Can I search for the crystal?

MATT: Make an investigation check.

SAM: With inspiration.

MATT: Sure. Take inspiration on this one.

TRAVIS: See? It's not just us. (laughter)

TRAVIS: I told you this was cursed!

ASHLEY: You also do this side roll.

MATT: The spectral orgy is inspiring, to you specifically.

LAURA: 14. Investigation.

MATT: 14?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: He's on fire, and the body's slowly (hissing) but as you glance through the cloak, the pockets, the armor, there's no gem.

TRAVIS: He hid that shit. He hid it.

LAURA: Are you kidding me?

MARISHA: You bitch. You bitch.

TRAVIS: He probably tossed it in the lava.

MARISHA: Oh, yeah.

ASHLEY: Why would it be on him?

MARISHA: I rip your mask off. I didn't get that far. (laughs)

LIAM: Too late. It's gone.

SAM: He was Bruce Wayne the whole time!

LIAM: Top of the night I was like, this mask is hot. Make sure you punch this shit off my face. Every attack I'm like, "Okay. Punch it off my face. Punch it off my face. Please punch it off my face."

MARISHA: That's what you get for hiding so much.

MATT: I love it.

LIAM: And I'm dead with a mask on my face.

ASHLEY: Wait, it's literally attached?

LAURA: I'm going to--

LIAM: No, I just wanted the mask off my face.

LAURA: I'm going to bonus spell Mass Healing Word us.

MATT: Yeah, there you go! What's the range on it?

MARISHA: That's good.

LAURA: Oh, 60 feet.

TRAVIS: How long have you had that? I had one hit point for, like, three rounds!

LAURA: Did you?


LIAM: You've been trotting around with one?

SAM: No, he got healed a couple times.

TRAVIS: Yeah. He knocked me down, he hit me 22 points and it took me down to one.

LAURA: You guys, I just healed us for eight points.


TRAVIS: Oh, well, that's fine. Okay, cool.

MARISHA: That's pretty good.

MATT: You can choose either Fjord or Beau, because the 60-foot range there from you,

MARISHA: Choose Fjord. Choose Fjord.

MATT: Fjord's a little beyond you, unless you're centering it on your--

SAM: Back to one.

LAURA: Can I center it on my duplicate? My duplicate cast it and get both?

MATT: Yeah, that'll work.

LAURA: That's what I do.

TRAVIS: Hexblade's Curse helped me. So I'm not at one.

MATT: All righty. Finishing Jester's go.

TRAVIS: Definitely hiding, though.

MATT: Percy, you're up.

TALIESIN: I can see Jester from here.

MATT: You can.

TALIESIN: I'm going to take a shot. I'm not taking the-- come on. I have one, only way I can win. It's not happening. Gun jams.

LAURA: The gun jams again?

TRAVIS: That's a record. That's a record.

MATT: This is-- you've had some awful luck.

TRAVIS: Is that five or four?

TALIESIN: So fucking many. I'm going to have no weapons soon. I'm going to run into the tower.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: If there's a door up there, I'm taking it.

MATT: There is a hatch.

TALIESIN: I'm going down.

MATT: Percy goes down inside. All right. Finishing Percy's go, Beau.

MARISHA: He's still alive with one death save?

LIAM: No, you killed me, dude.

MATT: You pushed him into the lava, he's dead-dead.

MARISHA: He's super dead.

LIAM: I thought you were holding-- She was holding me over the lava while she rooted through my clothes.

MARISHA: Searching through his pockets.

LIAM: You were going to give her an investigation-- well, anyway.

MARISHA: Yeah, I was going to do an investigation check on my next turn.

LIAM: So I think you don't need a bonus action just to let go of me and let me fall in lava.

MATT: Yeah. Up to you.

MARISHA: But investigation check, I want to find that crystal

MATT: Go for it.

TRAVIS: In case it's on him.

MARISHA: A hundred percent.

TRAVIS: Which it's not.

MARISHA: Okay, okay. 25 total.

MATT: 25, that's a great roll.

MARISHA: Sorry, I forget my investigation's really high.

MATT: Yeah, it is. Not on him.

LAURA: He hid it. He hid the stupid crystal. You're such an asshole!

LIAM: I'm dead.

LAURA: We're still yelling at you.

TRAVIS: Not yet, you're not!

MARISHA: I toss his ass in the lava, and I take my staff and I shove him in a little bit like a washroom lady.

TRAVIS: That's fair, that's fair.

MARISHA: Just make sure he's in there.

LAURA: Talk to his corpse as he's going down.

LIAM: History repeats itself.

MATT: Yes, it does.

ASHLEY: You plunge, and you scrub. You plunge, and you scrub. I'm so glad you know what that is.

MATT: Wow. Okay.

MARISHA: Holy shit. (laughs)

MATT: Does that finish your turn, Beau?

MARISHA: Can I move?

MATT: You can move.

LIAM: Don't you dicker with me.

MARISHA: Do I know where anybody is?

TRAVIS: I'll go up top.

MATT: You don't.

MARISHA: I don't.

MATT: But the battle isn't over. And you don't know where Percival is. You don't know where the stone is hidden.

TALIESIN: (evil laughter)

SAM: Just kill yourself.

ASHLEY: This is amazing.


LIAM: Room alone.

TALIESIN: You can walk away.

TALIESIN: If they find the gem, it's over.

MARISHA: I've got 50 feet, right?

LAURA: It's like an Easter egg hunt now.

MARISHA: I'm going to go because I don't--

LAURA: Where did you put it? Did you put it up your butt?

MARISHA: Can I tuck into this pocket in the-- no, no, closer to this tower, but past the cage, just-- god, I'm so far away. This pocket in the corner and the stone. 55 feet. Yes. That's where I want to go.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: I love that the laser pointer was moving like a common house fly all over the map.


TRAVIS: Over here!

MARISHA: Like ahhh!

MATT: All right. That finishes Beau's go.

MARISHA: Yeah, kind of suck up against the wall, and just watch.

TALIESIN: I'd like to take one of them out. It would make me happy.

MATT: Fjord.

LIAM: Vax wanders over by the pool of lava and just lies down and just sits like this, and watches Pike and Scanlan and go at it.

MARISHA: Like it's a hot tub?

LIAM: Mm-hmm.

TRAVIS: I'll cast Fly off the Star Razor. And I will start flying towards the top of the tower, having seen Percy move there.

TALIESIN: I did close the hatch, by the way.


SAM: So much hair!

MATT: 60 feet will get you about--

ASHLEY: Those Uggs you've been wearing.

MATT: Closer to here.

TRAVIS: Okay. And if I can't see Percy, I will hold Eldritch Blast until I can see him.

MATT: Okay. You got it. All right, finishing Fjord's go. Jester.

LAURA: I'm going to cast Locate Object on the crystal.


MATT: All right. Do you want to point out where-- the direction where she would be traveling?

LIAM: Just the direction?

MATT: Right?

LAURA: I would know exactly where it is. It pings in my stuff.

MATT: All right, point it out.

LIAM: Well, it's the cage on the opposite side,

MATT: Right over here?

LIAM: It's buried in rubble by that cage.

MARISHA: Oh wow.

LAURA: I make my way-- ♪ makin' my way ♪ over there. I let Beau know as I'm running over. It's over here!


MATT: Okay.

SAM and MARISHA: (startled grunts)

SAM: (like Doc Brown) Marty!

MATT: Finishing Jester's turn, top, Percy.

TALIESIN: What do I know about the room I'm in? Is there anything interesting?

MATT: So--

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah. Might as well. Yeah.


TRAVIS: Yeah, take the top off of that cage. Let's go.

MATT: You step down inside and there is a staircase that continues below, and that's it in this chamber.

TALIESIN: I'm going to use my action to try and repair my gun.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Please don't let there be, like--

TALIESIN: It's repaired.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: And I'm going to keep running down.

MATT: Okay. You head down the stairs to the next floor. There is a chest.

SAM: Three scrolls of Revivify. (laughter)

MATT: You come down, there's a chest, and there is a couple of archer window slots on the wall.

TALIESIN: I can't use my bonus action to open the chest, can I?

MATT: No, it's an action.

TALIESIN: All right. I'm going to just try and find a place where I'm hidden behind the stairs, in case someone comes down.

MATT: Okay. There we go.

MARISHA: (New Jersey accent) Stairs.

TALIESIN: (English accent) Stairs.

MARISHA: (New Jersey accent) The stairs.

TALIESIN: Flipping between accents sucks. So much.

MATT: All right. Finishing Percy's go. Beau, you're up.

MARISHA: I heard Jester say, "Over here, over here," so I will, goddamn it, go the wide way that she is going, and try to meet her on the opposite side. So yeah. Swing wide. There we go. 55 feet.

MATT: 55 will get you there. And I guess I just use my action to start kicking over rocks and see what I can to do.

MATT: Roll an investigation check.

MARISHA: All right.

TALIESIN: It's almost over.

MARISHA: Mm-kay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. 28.

MATT: Well, why don't you go ahead and roll for me? Like where Vax would have rolled. Go ahead and just roll survival check. To camouflage this.

LIAM: Oh, that's a four.

MATT: Yeah. You find it. (laughter)

MATT: You get there and you look down and there's one big rock. That's placed super obviously, right there to hide it. You just kick it over. It's right there.

MARISHA: Do I have an action to-- I just find it?

MATT: You just find it. You don't have an action to activate it yet.

MARISHA: Found it! To Jess.

MATT: All right, that finishes Beau's turn. Fjord?

TRAVIS: You son of a bitch! Don't you run from me! I'll use my bonus action to cast Expeditious Retreat. I'll continue to fly to the top of the tower.

MATT: All right. So that puts you at-- full movement of what?

TRAVIS: Of 120!

MATT: Oh yeah. You head to the hatch. The hatch isn't locked; it's closed.

TRAVIS: I throw open the door! (laughter)

MATT: You head downstairs. You need to fly down, down the stairs this way. You get down to the bottom floor and turn, and Percival's right there, gun back against the stairs.

TRAVIS: Oh no.

MATT: You can close the distance.

MARISHA: "Oh no."

TRAVIS: Oh, I do have my action, because that was just a bonus action.

MATT: Yep.

TRAVIS: I will close the distance. I will swing!

MATT: Go for it.

TRAVIS: You shot me so many times! Natural 20! (cheering) That's so dumb. Okay. Nine. So 18, plus eight is 26.


TRAVIS: 26 plus three, 29 points of flashing vestige damage.

TALIESIN: All right.

TRAVIS: And the second one is I'll roll an additional damage die. I forgot because it's a crit. For eight points of damage. And the second hit is a 25 to hit.

TALIESIN: That hits.

TRAVIS: Cool. For a whopping 12 points of slashing damage. Oh sorry. 15 points of slashing damage.

MATT: All right.

SAM: Fly that up your kite, Ben. (laughter)

MATT: That finish your turn, Fjord?

TRAVIS: It does.

MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: And I'm alarmed that he is standing so well.

MATT: Indeed. With a very large gun right there. Jester, your turn.

LAURA: I walk over to the crystal.

MATT: Definitely get there.

LAURA: And I activate it.

MATT: You hold it in your hand. And as you lift it, you hear the sound of hundreds and hundreds of demons, cackling, and screaming, and cheering as the gem radiates.

LAURA: I hold it up.

MATT: And as you do, Percy shifts into white.

TALIESIN: (as Percy) Fuck! (laughter)

MATT: And Molly is standing there.

TALIESIN: (as Molly) Oh, fuck!

MARISHA: It's like a game of freeze tag.

LAURA: Did we do it?

MATT: The cheering gets louder and louder, and eventually--

TALIESIN: I'm going to open the chest. (laughter)

MATT: All right. You open the chest, and you find-- I have to roll again because that's what you got last time, a Circlet of Blasting.

TRAVIS: A Circlet of Blasting.

TALIESIN: All right. Take it. All right, I'm good.

TRAVIS: So you were gone for a bit. Got weird.

TALIESIN: No, it was nice. There was a little lounge. They had-- they had coffee. It was very nice.

TRAVIS: Do you want to go outside?

LAURA: What's happening?

TRAVIS: I found Molly.


TRAVIS: He was actually this other guy.

TALIESIN: Oh, there's a crossbow! I'm going to-- yeah, nevermind.

MATT: You hear (clapping) as the same gray-skinned figure steps to the front of the tower. Once more apparating seemingly out of nowhere. "That was entertaining. Thank you all. And I'm proud that there was little mercy shown." He snaps a finger, and you watch as the spirits, mid-fucking, get pulled into their bodies. You, your body reforms from this burned, charred skeleton back into Vax'ildan, and you're all restored to life in your original bodies.

SAM: Oh man.

LAURA: Are you guys okay?

SAM: I think we're okay.

ASHLEY: Harm! No. (laughter)

ASHLEY: We're fine.

LIAM: I mean, I think I was just about to have a threesome, so thanks a fucking lot.

ASHLEY: I wasn't done!

SAM: I was. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Many times over.

SAM: Real fast. I was just going through the motions this time.

MATT: "I'll admit, that's actually quite funny. But nevertheless, I thank you for your time. The debt has been paid."

MARISHA: Did we win anything?

MATT: "The wager to completion. You win your lives to continue."

MARISHA: Oh. Okay.

LAURA: I thought there would be a prize.

MARISHA: Yeah, me too.

LAURA: Like a trophy? Do we get a trophy?

MATT: "You'll find in time. Perhaps one day we'll meet the other half." And as he says that and smiles, burning flames surround you. And at first you fear, but it's just warmth. As it burns past your vision, you find yourselves back in your respective timelines, and places, in Exandria. And that's where we'll end tonight's game.

ALL: Ooh.

MATT: Congratulations to the Mighty Nein side on this one.

ASHLEY: Yes! (claps)

LIAM: The Mighty Drei, the Mighty Vier.

ASHLEY: Winner winner chicken dinner.

LIAM: Long live the Mighty Nein.

SAM: Amazing.

TALIESIN: I was not expecting that.

MARISHA: Good call.

LAURA: I was not either.

SAM: Three members of the Mighty Nein defeated four members of Vox Machina. And didn't even break a sweat.

LIAM: Molly's far more terrifying than Percy in this form.


LAURA: Molly's scary.

ASHLEY: Molly's very scary.

TALIESIN: I had shit to do to you that-- I could have done some interesting shit. If I had just gotten one hit on you, that would have been real bad.

TRAVIS: So having played Molly, what's more dangerous, being close to you? Or far away?

TALIESIN: Close. Far away, I'm nothing. But the minute I'm up close, it can get really bad.

TRAVIS: Good to know. Distance.

ASHLEY: Good question.

MATT: That was awesome.

SAM: That was fun.

MATT: Good back and forth, twists and turns.

ASHLEY: That was really fun.

MATT: One-- oh man.

MARISHA: It was tight. It was tighter than I anticipated.

MATT: Yeah. I anticipated it being pretty tight. And then there were some swings back and forth. There was a moment of mercy, I think, that turned the tide,

ASHLEY: I know.

MATT: But that's fine because it made for an epic battle. Hell yeah, guys. Thank you so much. Huge thank you, once again, to all of our wonderful Kickstarter backers that made this happen, as well as making our animated series happen, which is coming soon!

TRAVIS: It's so good.

MATT: It's so good.

TALIESIN: So good.

ASHLEY: I thought you were lower.

SAM: Manage your expectations. It's, like, okay.

TRAVIS: That's fair.

TALIESIN: How low were you at the end?

TRAVIS: I was at one for three rounds. 18.

TALIESIN: Ah, fuck! One shot, and that would've--

LIAM: Yeah.

ASHLEY: I liked the melee in the beginning.

TRAVIS: I had Relentless, and things, so I would have come up.

LIAM: Yeah. Beau stopped me from coming over to try to mop up.

TRAVIS: That's true. That's true. That would have been it.

MARISHA: Right, because he would have popped up.

TRAVIS: Where were you?

SAM: I couldn't get there.

LIAM: I was going to go Cure Wounds her up, and fuck him up.

MARISHA: When I Sentineled you?

LIAM: When you held me up. Yeah.


TRAVIS: You would have gotten me.

MARISHA: Yeah, it specifically says it ignores disengage. It's a Rogue buster.

LIAM: Look forward in two years, when we do this again and you shove me in lava. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Again.

TALIESIN: Fucking-- Laura, if I've gotten a natural 20, my second shot could have pushed you 15 feet into the lava.

MATT: Ah, that would have been amazing. There were some close calls, like some key rolls that if they had-- if they didn't fail, would have really changed the tide, some rolls that did succeed and fucking shifted it. That was awesome.

MARISHA: Vax is tough, man. Vax is gnarly.

LAURA: Yeah, Vax is tough.

TRAVIS: Hard to hit.

TALIESIN: Bad over and over again.

LIAM: Boots, strong move.


MATT: That was clutch.

TALIESIN: Boots were amazing.

LIAM: It devastated my economy.


MATT: Ah, well, thank you again. Love you guys very much. And is it Thursday yet? Good night.