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Critical Role Wiki
Critical Role Wiki

List of Transcripts


MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to Critical Role where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons.

ALL: (discordantly) We play Dungeons & Dragons!

MATT: Before we get into tonight's episode, we do we have some announcements to get through. Beginning with our two sponsors for the night, beginning first with Petersen Games. Sam, take it away.

SAM: (bad Dave Matthews impression) Oh oh, I didn't see you there. I was--

MARISHA: Oh no! (laughter)

SAM: I was jamming out to some frat fusion rock. You see, I'm Bob Matthews, Dave Matthews' ♪ younger brother. ♪ What-a would you say if I told you--

LAURA: I know, it's Adam Sandler!

ASHLEY: Oh wow.

SAM: -- if I told you that Petersen Games is the best of what's around? Yep, their brand new source book, Cthulhu Mythos Sagas: Dark ♪ Worlds ♪ make me want to ♪ eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow. ♪ ♪ Yes! ♪ All you little ants better go march into-- step into this ♪ immersive world ♪ from Sandy Petersen, as you and fellow heroes get caught-- (badly played guitar chords) in the blunders of a mad ruler, and are sent to new worlds to face unique dangers. (laughter) (terribly played chords continue) Each of the four volumes comes with professionally drawn ♪ maps ♪, beautiful illustrations and dozens before never seen monsters in a hardback book to last the ♪ ages. ♪ Do not take these chances. Get this source book and wrap it up-- (guitar chord) inside a-- (guitar chord) box or a-- (guitar chord) quiet-- (80's phone ring) Oh, hello? Hello? Oh, Bob Matthews here, kid brother of Charlottesville legend, Dave Matthews. What? Oh, it's my brother, Dave Matthews, ooh. He's a big Critter.

ASHLEY: Ooh! (laughter)

SAM: Oh, what's that, Dave Matthews? He's telling me I shouldn't use his lyrics to sell stuff on our show. But Davy, this isn't a typical situation in these typical ti-- nope. I'm not allowed to say that either, all right. Well, he hung up. Anyway, I guess I ♪ crashed ♪ that one, but go ahead and get the hardcover-- (guitar chord) volume and PDF-- (guitar chord) plus an awesome 20 percent discount on Petersen's Cthulhu Mythos mini-- miniature line. (guitar chord) The core source book-- there's lots of words. And the four previous sagas of the series-- (awful guitar chords) when you use promo code ♪ Critical Role ♪ at checkout. ♪ Check it out now at bitly/CRPetersenGames... Satellite. Back to you, Matt. (laughter)


TALIESIN: I don't what that was.

TRAVIS: I have to applaud it.

MATT: Yeah, I mean--

SAM: ♪ What-a would you say? ♪

LIAM: Sam's final form.

MATT: Who was it that said Adam Sandler? That's all I could see. That's all I could see the entire time.

LAURA: Oh my god.

TRAVIS: ♪ (Adam Sandler impression) ♪

SAM: They're very similar.

LIAM: Wait, before you-- Take that hat off and give us, look at Ashley and give us an (like Joel from TLoU) "Ellie."

SAM: Oh yeah, yeah, hold on, I can.

LAURA: No, but you got to take the hat off.

SAM: You got to get the hat off?


LIAM: There, now it's authentic.

SAM: (as Joel) Ellie. (laughter) Ellie, get in the Jeep. Is it a Jeep? I don't know, I've never played this game.

TRAVIS and MATT: Sure.

ASHLEY: Say, "Ellie, get on the pallet."

SAM: (as Joel) Ellie. Ellie, get on the pallet. (laughter) (as Joel) Ellie, where else do you want to get? Get on the-- get behind the bar. I don't know, what else?

ASHLEY: I don't like telling you, I just like hearing what you think it should be.

SAM: (as Joel) Ellie, get in the Humvee.

ASHLEY: That's it.

SAM: Is there a Humvee?

TRAVIS: Uh-huh.

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: (as Joel) Ellie, watch out for the zombies.

TRAVIS: Clicker.

SAM: (as Joel) Clickers. (laughter)

ASHLEY: With the pink.

MATT: I will play this DLC, happily. Sam Riegel as Joel in--

TRAVIS: CD coming-- coming, Naughty Dog.

MATT: Thank you, Sam. Thank you, Petersen Games. Sorry. And our second sponsor for tonight, our returning friends and sponsor since the beginning of campaign two, D&D Beyond.

ALL: D&D Beyond!

MATT: So, we have Labor Day coming up soon. And if those of you are looking to start a new campaign, why not start it in Wildemount? It's where we have our game, and I wrote a book about it with some cool people. And you should start a campaign there. It has the Heroic Chronicle, which helps you create character backstories that are already deeply ingrained in the lore, world, and cultures of Wildemount. There are three new subclasses, including 15 new magic spells based around Dunamancy. 46 items, magical items for your character sheet on D&D Beyond. And you can bring over 40 dangerous monsters into the encounter builder to help battle against your party as they go through the dangers of Wildemount. So you can purchase your digital copy now at So yes, thank you, D&D Beyond, for your continued support. Further announcements, Marisha, you have something you wanted to talk about.

MARISHA: You guys, Talks Machina--

SAM: (gasps)

MARISHA: -- hosted by our very own Brian W. Foster, is a returning to Twitch every other Tuesday, biweekly or once a fortnight, if you will. Episodes will be prerecorded and shot from home in a socially distant format, because COVID. Also, because of this, we will not be taking question submissions because time... soup. Time is weird now.

LAURA: Time soup.

MARISHA: Our first episode back will discuss everything we missed up to episode 109. Talks Machina returns on Tuesday, September 15th at 7:00pm Pacific on Twitch. And, of course, the VOD will be on YouTube on Thursday, September 17th, and on the Crit Role Podcast Network one week later. It's coming back. We're going to talk about all the juicy stuff.

SAM: Does Brian remember how to talk?


SAM: Oh no.

ASHLEY: Yeah, it's been weird at home. He forgot.

TRAVIS: Does a duck remember how to swim? Does a duck swim?

TALIESIN: Last few texts I got from him [inaudible] grunts. It's been weird.

LIAM: Does Brian walk around in his bathrobe and just-- slash?

ASHLEY: Yes, he just dabs.

MARISHA: Oh, just aimless slashing.

SAM: He doesn't using his arm, though.

MARISHA: Nothing to plug.

LIAM: Babe, we're out of milk!


MARISHA: Babe, let the dogs out! (whispered) Slash.

ASHLEY: You got it.

MATT: That's a problem. Thank you, Marisha.

MARISHA: Submit.

MATT: Indeed.

MARISHA: All right. (laughter)

MATT: And... we're good.

TRAVIS: Ripcord.

MATT: Laura, you got some stuff you want to talk about. ♪ Timing is everything ♪

TRAVIS: Oh no. You just stuffing in your face?

LAURA: Sorry, she got me with the "submit." Okay. Eyy! We got merch! Check it out, check it out. I don't know if you guys can see?

TRAVIS: Is that a pin?

LAURA: It's our Veth pin in the chibi series.

MATT: Daw! It's finally out. So it's by Jenny Park, obviously. And it's available in the US, UK, and Australia shops. Tee hee! It's so cuties. And then we also have a new shirt available. Hold on, I'm going to hold it up.


LIAM: Oh yeah.


LAURA: This is the same design we had on that hat that I really liked, and then we put it on a shirt.

MARISHA: The moon.

TRAVIS: Come on.

LAURA: So it's available only in the US shop with t-shirt versions coming later on to our other shops.

TRAVIS: That's legit.

LAURA: Yeah, it's a weird thing doing merchandise in other countries; sometimes the merch is a little different, but that's kind of fun. The "Don't forget to love each other" shirt is in the Australia shop now. What what! Which means it's now available in all the online shops. And that is $10 from every shirt going to OutRight Action International, always.

SAM: Crikey.

LAURA: And then, the last thing I want to talk about, is the fact that we've partnered with The Op on a puzzle, which I don't even think you guys have seen yet.


LAURA: But it's super, super duper cool. It's featuring art of the Mighty Nein by Lauren Walsh. It's available in the US shop now. It's coming soon in the other shops, and it's also going to be available in retail stores, like Target and Walmart and Amazon, and anywhere that The Op sells puzzles.

SAM: Do you have it?

TRAVIS: That's weird. That's real weird.

LAURA: I don't have it in my hand.

ASHLEY: I want to see it!

LAURA: Go to our store and look and you'll see it.

MARISHA: Where are they going to--

LAURA: And then I'll-- I'll send you guys a picture tonight.

MATT: Thank you, Laura.

LAURA: All right.

MARISHA: Is it going to be next to like--

ASHLEY: How many pieces?

LAURA: A thousand pieces!

ASHLEY: Is it a thousand piece puzzle?!

LAURA: It's a thousand pieces!


ASHLEY: Those are the good ones.

LAURA: They're little-- little pieces.

SAM: Is there a chair in it?

LAURA: There's no chair, but it is difficult. Like I-- it's a hard puzzle, I think.

LIAM: Did you do it?

LAURA: No, but I've seen the art and I know it's going to be a hard puzzle. I've done puzzles. So anyway, there's that.

MATT: Thank you, Laura.

LAURA: You're welcome.

MATT: (laughs) All right, I think that ends our announcements for the evening. So let's go to jump into tonight's episode of... Critical Role.

LIAM: (screams)

(grunting) (water bubbling) (thunder rumbling) (explosion blasting) ♪ Role ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Mighty Nein ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪ ♪ The adventure begins ♪ ♪ They were always beside you ♪ ♪ Your nerdy best friends ♪ ♪ And the DM to guide you ♪ ♪ And they rise from the flames ♪ ♪ For the battles ahead ♪ ♪ Villains beware 'cause you're 'bout to be dead ♪ (dramatic music) ♪ They got magic and flair ♪ ♪ They got falchions and cunning ♪ ♪ They don't see over there ♪ ♪ There's a monster incoming ♪ ♪ Inspiration is waiting ♪ ♪ Rise up, don't think twice ♪ ♪ Put your fate in your hands ♪ ♪ Take a chance, roll the dice ♪ ♪ Role ♪ ♪ Critical Role (roll the dice) ♪ ♪ Critical Role (roll the dice) ♪ ♪ Critical Role (roll the dice) ♪ ♪ Ooh, ah ♪ ♪ Can you answer the call? ♪ ♪ Dig in deep in your soul ♪ ♪ As the legend unfolds ♪ ♪ Now it's your turn, (your turn, your turn) ♪ ♪ To roll ♪ (fire burning) (dragon roaring)

Part I[]

MATT: And welcome back.

SAM: We forgot.

MATT: Yeah, for once. It was nice, I could just relax, and calm and not have you all shout at me last minute, look at that. It's the only time it'll happen. So last we left off, The Mighty Nein, after coming to Rumblecusp prepare for Traveler Con, dealt with the terrors that were the memory-- what's the word I'm looking for? Fucked up, sure. I was going to go for a more interesting word, but I'll go with that. Memory fucked-up society of the village of Vo. The entity known as Vokodo, that had existed within this mountain. You looked for information about, discovered some of its history, went and battled it in the base underneath the volcano, and freed the people of this terror. However, in doing so, you also restored their memories, some of which were from the life before they came to the island, and some they've made since they've come here. And that village has now fractured, many leaving to return to their previous lives, while some have chosen to remain to live the new life they've carved here on Rumblecusp. As the week has gone on, you've begun to prepare yourselves for the coming event of the Zenith, which was the chosen date for Traveler Con. And as more and more individuals arrive by boat, you have well over a hundred plus individuals that have arrived for this event. They've all gathered for an evening celebration, or as what we're now calling Traveler's Eve, where there are parties, and people are crafting wooden dicks, and people are eating lots and lots of Tyrannosaurus meat. Vilya snuck out in the evening after a conversation with another mother within the group: Veth. And that is where we left off. So, as it is Traveler's Eve, what else would you like to achieve before for the evening is done and Traveler Con itself fully engages in the morrow?

SAM: Do we open one present on Traveler's Eve?

LAURA: Yeah, just the one. It's usually something that everybody can participate in, yeah.

TALIESIN: Mine's just batteries.

LAURA: Is anybody in the fight? Is anybody in the fighting ring? I said I was going to dance. I'm dancing.

ASHLEY: I'm going to go dance with Jester.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: I do like dancing. I don't get to do it a lot.

LAURA: It's super fun.

SAM: Caleb, do you want to come dance?

LIAM: With you, ja.

SAM: Yes, of course.

LIAM: Okay.

SAM: All right.

LIAM: Sure. I don't know many.

SAM: You just need one.

LIAM: Okay.

LAURA: Oh good, Caleb and Veth are coming. Good, you can do the wiggle with us.

LIAM: I don't--

LAURA: You go like this and you just wiggle.

LIAM: Okay.

LAURA: That's a good one.

ASHLEY: You just, you know, move your hips and wiggle.

LAURA: Ooh, Yasha, you should put your wings out while you dance. It would be super cool-looking.

ASHLEY: I feel like there wouldn't be enough room and I could knock people over.

LAURA: Oh, that's true.

LIAM: It's freeform, there's no syncopation or anything to it. You just do it?

LAURA: You kind of move to the beat, Caleb.

LIAM: Do what you feel.

LAURA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: And like, you know, flip your hair.

LAURA: Yeah, I'm dancing like Molly Ringwald in The Breakfast Club. For sure.

TRAVIS: Good pull.

LIAM: I have a lot of hair now, so.

LAURA: It's everywhere.

TALIESIN: I'm going to get some distance from everything and sit and watch. And maybe-- is there anyone out by the stage that's been built? Or any of the stuff that's been put up, or is it kind of--?

MATT: The stage, yes. It's mostly constructed, but it's serviceable at the moment. There are a couple people that are finalizing getting another set of stairs on one side. It's, you know, the necessary final elements before the actual day that our events are planned for to commence. However, on the stage you can see there's a handful of musicians that are just jamming. They just met, and they're all finding some semblance of musical unity amongst them. No specific songs, just figuring out how to blend their various performances together. But beyond that, most of the stage is relatively empty. There's no focal point for a performance.

TRAVIS: I'll join you, since you're so good at keeping an eye out. Not that the revelry isn't, you know, interesting. I'm not quite comfortable.

MARISHA: I'll slide over with the guys.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: I see them sitting down. Bring over a couple of rum punches.

SAM: Ooh, island-y.

MARISHA: It's all we have is rum. That's all that Kent Plucker brought. I'm sorry.

TRAVIS: Oh shit, right.

TALIESIN: Having sudden trepidation.

MARISHA: Wait, what? What do you mean?

TALIESIN: I don't want to rain on anybody's parade.

TRAVIS: You won't rain on our parade. You can speak freely.

TALIESIN: I don't know. Watching that conversation with the Traveler we had earlier. I don't know, just...

MARISHA: Bad vibes?

TALIESIN: I'm worried about tomorrow. I wasn't, now I am.

TRAVIS: In all of it, or is it a specific part that's giving you the heebie-jeebies?

TALIESIN: I am worried that there's more to this than is being said. That maybe this isn't just about unloading a bunch of people.

TRAVIS: It is odd, isn't it? To go through 200-some odd people, and bring them to an island. You can just speak to all of them all at once, and be like, "Hey, changed my mind, guess what? "Not a thing." It's a lot of work.

TALIESIN: Feel like it's a lot of work to make a complicated breakup.

TRAVIS: Yeah, right.

TALIESIN: I don't know. And I'm comfortable with the idea that gods can be complicated in their view of morality and how they express themselves on... on the planet. But I don't know. He seemed awfully quick to embrace some bad ideas.

TRAVIS: The Traveler?


MARISHA: I mean, that's kind of his jam though, right? I mean, he's a fucking charlatan.

TALIESIN: Even a charlatan knows how to play to the crowd.

TRAVIS: Sure. Do you know if-- I don't know. What would 200 people be good for?

TALIESIN: I don't know.

TRAVIS: In a religious or wackadoo sense?

TALIESIN: Or for that matter, what would the faith of 200 people be worth? What the sacrifice of 200 people be worth?

MARISHA: You're not wrong.

TRAVIS: Do we still think that's a possibility? The latter one, the sacrifice?

TALIESIN: He seemed keen.

TRAVIS: He did. Or at least nonplussed about it.

TALIESIN: Pleased, but quick to move on.

LIAM: Caleb dances by.

TALIESIN: I don't know, seems chaotic.

LIAM: Sorry, and grabs a drink out of Fjord's hand while they're talking and downs it and goes by.


LIAM: Sorry.

MARISHA: Oh, that one is the Ruby of the Sea. It's got a little grenadine.

LIAM: Whatever works!

TRAVIS: Themed drinks, that's great.

MARISHA: Yeah. (laughs)

TALIESIN: I don't know. I'm riding a delicate line between being cautious and not ruining Jester's big day.

MARISHA: Well, I think we are all in a silent agreement that we don't ruin Jester's big day, but we keep an eye on her, right? We haven't talked about this on the side without Jester.

TALIESIN: Oh, that's really helpful, because I didn't know anybody else was on board with this.

MARISHA: Oh yeah, this whole thing is bananas.


TRAVIS: I think we're all sort of of the, "As long as Jester isn't hurt by this, then great," but?

MARISHA: Right, but the second that she does, I want to punch this guy in the face so bad. I mean, he has a face that you just want to punch.

TRAVIS: I wanted to shoot some (whoosh) at him. Just to see what would happen.

MARISHA: Yeah, it's just-- yeah. I don't know.

TRAVIS: I mean, I think we agree we can't let her go off with him at any time just by themselves, right? Especially to like a volcano top, or anything like that. Right, we'll stand firm?

TALIESIN: He may even do something very public.

MARISHA: You think he would hurt Jester?

TALIESIN: I think he would hurt anybody.

MARISHA: Because last time that I went through a complicated breakup, someone ended up in prison. So I think what I am concerned about--

TRAVIS: Prison prison?

MARISHA: Yeah, don't worry about it. I think what I'm concerned about is I don't want Jester to become the fall guy.

TALIESIN: That's fair, but--

MARISHA: That's the way I'm afraid he's going to hurt her.


MARISHA: I don't know.

TRAVIS: Oh god, I think Yasha just actually elbowed that poor fellow.

MARISHA: Ooh! Oh my god, it's turning into a mosh pit!

TRAVIS: Is that what that is?

MARISHA: Aww, I hope this gets bloody. This is great.

SAM: Ah!

LAURA: I'm going to make my way off of the dance floor. It's getting a little crazy.

TALIESIN: I feel better knowing. I'm just going to try and be ready tomorrow for anything.

MARISHA: I'm in on you. Or-- in on you with that. I'm with you.

TRAVIS: Words?

LAURA: I'm hopping over.

TALIESIN: Drinking the Ruby of the Sea.

MARISHA: Ruby of the Sea is fucking strong.

LAURA: What are you guys talking about?

MARISHA: How this Ruby of the Sea is fucking strong, and also how we would kill anybody who hurt you.

LAURA: Oh, cool. Thanks, guys.

TALIESIN: Not wrong.

TRAVIS: Yeah, we're all eyes on securities for tomorrow. That's that's our number one.

LAURA: Security team!


TRAVIS: You are sweaty.

LAURA: It was very hot on the dance floor.

TRAVIS: It is an island.

MARISHA: It's humid.

LAURA: Hey, Caduceus, can I talk to you? I have some questions.

MARISHA: What the fuck?

TRAVIS: What's the matter with you?

MARISHA: What the fuck?

LAURA: So stupid.

MARISHA: We tried to-- no! Oh no. Oh my god.

TRAVIS: How much time did that take?

MARISHA: Where did you get that? I want one.

ASHLEY: It must be so heavy at this point. (laughter)

TALIESIN: There's too many layers to that.

ASHLEY: So much work to take a sip.

TRAVIS: There's nothing in there, is it?

LIAM: ♪ Transformers ♪ (laughter)

SAM: Oh, so heavy, ow.

LAURA: Caduceus, can I talk to you for a second?

TALIESIN: Yeah, I got very distracted.

TALIESIN: Okay, I'm going to sit down next to Caduceus. Okay, so I have some questions.

TALIESIN: All right.

LAURA: So you knew stuff about this Moon Weaver? Moon Mommy? Moon--?

TALIESIN: I know a little bit. It's not really my thing, but yeah.

LAURA: Moon Weaver?

TALIESIN: Moon Weaver, yeah.

LAURA: What does she look like?

TALIESIN: Oh, from what I remember, she would take a lot of forms, because she's, you know, very into illusion and change. She has been described as blue, if I can recall? Like a-- not a tiefling, if I remember, but as a blue wisp. I'd have to--

LAURA: A blue wisp?

TALIESIN: I'd have to remember. It's been a long time since I buried anybody who was a follower of the Moon Weaver.

LAURA: Does she have any symbology that I need to know, or anything?

TALIESIN: Well, it's-- believe her symbol is of a moon.

LAURA: Is it of one of the moons, or both of them?

TALIESIN: The big moon.

LAURA: Okay.

TALIESIN: And it's about illusion, and not necessarily tricking people, but of play and of dance, if I recall. And having a good time, and not cruel illusions, but playfulness and trickery.

MATT: You would know that--

TALIESIN: Thank you, I didn't look at my notes.

MATT: Yeah, it's all good. You would know-- and you can convey this to Jester as well-- Sehanine is very much about trickery and deception for the purposes of trysts and protection of those that go under the cover of shadow for the good of love. It's not by any means considered to be a antagonistic type of trickery.

TALIESIN: She is blue, if I recall.

MATT: Yeah, a pale blue of skin. Usually white or silver of hair. And the symbol, which you have seen, and was mixed in with the Traveler symbol through a lot of the illusions you guys had built last time when you were over here, which is a bow string, that's like a crescent moon. And it has been blended with a lot of, well, gateways and dicks. So, there's that.

LAURA: Cool. I like that she's, like, tricky for love, you know, that's cool.

TALIESIN: Yeah. Have you ever, well, I suppose it would be a little odd at this point, but have you tried to make introductions yet or?

LAURA: No, I thought about maybe I should talk to her or something, right?

TALIESIN: Could be interesting.

LAURA: Should I just, like, talk to her? How should I do it? I've never talked to a real god before.

TALIESIN: Well, I mean, do you know how to-- you've practiced the Commune before.

LAURA: Yes. Oh. Oh! I can use that on her?

TALIESIN: I don't know.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

LAURA: That seems weird.

TALIESIN: It does seem weird, but you know, so do you.

MARISHA: Is that something that the Traveler can intercept on? Like, will he see your texts? Will he know?

LAURA: I mean, he might, but it's all for him anyway. So I don't see why it would be a problem.

MARISHA: That's true.

LAURA: I mean, maybe he knows about her. I don't know where he is. I'm sure he's dressed as somebody I can't see right now, but.

TALIESIN: Happy to try, if you want help.

LAURA: Yeah, do you want to go somewhere private then we can-- we can commune.

TALIESIN: That sounds...

LAURA: You guys, that sounds like I just propositioned Caduceus. (laughter)

TALIESIN: Never communed with another person, this will be exciting. (laughter) Yeah, let's try this.

LAURA: All right. Where should we go?

TALIESIN: Uh, somewhere where it's a little quieter and we can see the sky properly.

LAURA: Okay, so let's take a little-- how long is it to go down to, like, the beach or something?

TALIESIN: Ooh, that's good.

MATT: Down to the beach from the village, it's a couple hours.

LAURA: Oh, that's a long walk. Let's not do that.

TALIESIN: Maybe go up the hill a bit.

LAURA: Yeah, how about that? Outside of the village a little bit. So we can see the moon, obviously.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Oh, this will be fun.

MARISHA: Have fun.

MATT: So it's hard to see the moon because it is, like, right on the horizon. So you have to get a little ways up the mountain side to at least get above the initial tree line to actually see it. And it is partially obscured by the horizon. The water.

LAURA: Is it coming up or going down? It's coming up.

MATT: Make a survival check. Survival or nature, your choice.

LAURA: Ugh, where is this, this, this, this? Survival or nature.

TALIESIN: You don't want me to help.

TRAVIS: So many people deciding.

LAURA: Oh, ooh! 23.

TALIESIN: So much hair flipping.

MATT: Very nice.

TALIESIN: That was great.

MATT: It is diminishing. It is disappearing on the horizon.

LAURA: Oh, we have to hurry.

TALIESIN: All right.

LAURA: Okay. And then we'll sit down and spend, like, 10 minutes.

TALIESIN: All right, let's do this.

LAURA: How do we set up? I only ever, like, you know, put up like dick statues or fake symbols or whatever. I'm going to draw a moon on the ground, that probably helps.

TALIESIN: Yeah we'll-- I'll set up a little thing for, yeah, for the Earth Mother. We'll add in the Moon Weaver symbol and just try and make a big focusing circle and see how this goes.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: It's like two teenagers with their first Ouija board.

LAURA: Yeah, very much.

MATT: All right, so you take a little bit of time using what elements of iconography you can recall, being not a specialist in the Moon Weaver's history. You improvise a space here with what faint bit of moonlight can reach you on this side of the mountain.

TALIESIN: I'm also going to cast Disguise Self on myself.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Seems appropriate.

MATT: Take the form of--?

TALIESIN: I'm going to take a form of what I imagine what the Moon Weaver looks like. So I'm just going to make myself blue and smaller, and with the white hair and do the whole thing.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: I figure an illusionary disguise is appropriate.

LAURA: Ooh, you look very lovely.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

MATT: All right. And then you're casting the spell?

LAURA: Yes. Commune.

MATT: Commune.

TALIESIN: I'm going to also cast Commune to try and help.

LAURA: Ooh, double Commune.

TALIESIN: Double Commune.

MATT: Okay. As you both, quietly facing each other, focus on the small arrangement in front of you.

LAURA: Do we both put our hands like, is it two fingers or just one finger?

TALIESIN: Do two fingers each.

LIAM: Two and two, I think.

MATT: There you go. Both echoing chants that are similar in some ways, but different based on the source of the divine magic that you are both channeling. For you, Caduceus, you close your eyes and you imagine the moon in its fullness in a full state. The white glow. And as you focus on it, you sense that warm breeze come around you once more. You hear the wind pushing through leaves. And you sense the presence of the Wild Mother around you.

TALIESIN: Can you help my friend contact the Moon Weaver?

MATT: The breeze is a bit chilled. You feel the sense of the nature of this magic, this spell, is based around the intense connection you have with the Wild Mother. So the reaction and response you get leads you to believe that such contact would be not possible through direct Commune means. You, as you concentrate and think of the moon, take a deep breath. Then you hear-- (hiccup) You open your eyes and look over and zigzagging up the path you see a green cloak-wearing individual with his hood back carrying a large somewhat rusted tankard. He goes, "So you're looking for me, are you?"

LAURA: Oh, I guess it's only works on you then, huh?

MATT: "Well, I don't know who else you would be talking to, it's sort of the point of communing is to speak with your chosen patron, I mean."

LAURA: Right, right, right, that makes sense.

MATT: "What do you need, what's going on?

LAURA: Well, I was trying to just, you know, talk to the Moon Weaver.

MATT: "Oh."

LAURA: So that, you know, when we do what do we do tomorrow that I'm not, like, speaking totally out of my butt.

MATT: "I'm not entirely certain how one would do that aside from, I guess, just praying."


MATT: "If they're even listening, I don't know. Gods are weird. Especially Sehanine. She tends to wander through the Feywild quite a bit."

LAURA: Have you ever met her?

MATT: "No, not directly. I've seen her, but it's more of like a, you know-- we're aware of each other. You know, different friend groups.

LAURA: Right, right, right. So she's blue, though?

MATT: "From the forms I've seen, yes."


MATT: "I mean, we have some overlap, but you know, respectfully keep a distance."

LAURA: Is she going to be cool with this?

MATT: "I hope."

LAURA: I mean, she probably doesn't have a problem with people worshiping her?

MATT: "Probably, I can't imagine she would."

LAURA: Right. Oh man. Do we got to, like, pray or something now?

MATT: "Well, you've got three questions you could ask, if you wanted to. That is what the spell does."

LAURA: This is true. Um... Are you worried about tomorrow at all?

MATT: "As worried as an individual with my lifespan and capabilities could be, maybe. Just because it's-- it's unknown. That's also exhilarating, isn't it? Excitement, the butterflies."

LAURA: What does it mean for our relationship now that I know you're not a god? Does it have to be a yes or no question?

MATT: "I mean, I can, I can vague doublespeak around the answer; it's what I'm very good at. I don't see it has to change at all. I hope not."

LAURA: Why was I your first?

MATT: "Who knows? Chaos works in strange ways. Whether it was happenstance or it was destiny. Or I just saw a spark of little shit-kicker that needed a friend, who knows? But, I'm glad by whatever grace brought us together. Here we are."

LAURA: Mm-hmm.

MATT: "Do you know how challenging it is for an archfey to get drunk?"

LAURA: I know, you seemed drunk for like five seconds and then you're already sober again.

MATT: "I have drinken so much alcohol tonight."

LAURA: Well, you did say "drinken," so you're a little bit--

MATT: "That's not true." (laughter) "I'm a little numb. Anyway, alcohol is just not the same here in the Prime Material Plane." (dice thunks against metal)

LAURA: Do you miss the Feywild ever? (laughter) Do you miss the Feywild?

MATT: "The spell is over."

LAURA: Oh, come on!

MATT: "I can still talk to you, it's fine, it's fine.

LAURA: I know!

MATT: "Ah, there are aspects of it I miss, but I don't know. I feel like I've seen it all. And for as much as it keeps changing and yet still stays the same in so many ways. It gets boring. I hate boring, I get bored easy."

LAURA: I know.

MATT: "Wild eyes."

LAURA: Um, I'm trying to think of any other questions I have for you.

MATT: "He's very focused on something."

LAURA: Oh yeah, he always looks like that. He looks kind of high whenever he's communing.

MATT: He snaps his fingers and in your hand is a little paint brush with some black paint on the tip and goes--

LAURA: I paint a little mustache, and I paint a little monocle around his eye. (laughter)

MATT: "And that is why you're my first." (laughs)

TALIESIN: Kid at the party with a Sharpie, aren't you?

MATT: I think that was actually her backstory.

LAURA: Yeah, actually.

MATT: "Well, nevertheless, I'm going to get back to the festivities."

LAURA: All right.

MATT: "Let me know if you need anything."

LAURA: All right, I'm not going to try to do that again.

MATT: "I mean, you can; I don't mind the conversation."

LAURA: All right.

MATT: "Sleep well."

LAURA: You too.

LAURA: Are we doing this-- wait wait, are we doing this in the evening or in the morning? What are we doing?

MATT: "Well, it's a day of celebration, I thought. There's events."

LAURA: A whole day?

MATT: "You've carved dicks and there's performance. And then at night--"

LAURA: We do the--

MATT: "Yes, it is the Moon Weaver."

LAURA: All right.

MATT: "Well," and he looks over, We may not have a moon."

LAURA: Wait, what do you mean?

MATT: "It's, well it's going away."

LAURA: Yeah, but it's going away cause the morning's coming, right?

MATT: "But it doesn't-- there isn't a sun-moon cycle in the same day. The moon revolves in a month."

LAURA: What do you mean? We're not going to have a moon tomorrow?

MATT: "We'll figure something out. Illusion is very effective."

LAURA: What do you mean, we have to make a moon?

MATT: "Look, this wasn't my idea."

LAURA: Ugh, why wouldn't there be a moon?

MATT: "I don't know."

LAURA: Don't you know how moons work?

MATT: "I do, but I'm not the Moon Weaver!"

LAURA: I'm going to pray to her to make a moon.

MATT: "Well, I think that's a viable way to spend your time."

LAURA: Hey, will you be offended if I actually pray to her?

MATT: "No, just a little jealous."

LAURA: Ooh, a little jealousy, huh? That's kind of fun. All right.

MATT: "I'm going to get another drink." He wanders off. Back to Caduceus.

TALIESIN: I've been very quietly finishing my commune because I didn't want anyone to hear.

MATT: Indeed, what other questions do you have?

TALIESIN: Is there a follower of the Moon Weaver on this island right now?

MATT: You feel the breeze tickle through the trees and then return chilled again. The response seeming to confirm "no."

TALIESIN: I'm going to do it. Is the Traveler being reasonably honest about his plans for tomorrow?

TRAVIS: (whispered) Oh shit!

MARISHA: (whispered) "Reasonably honest."

MATT: There is... You feel the Wild Mother embrace the space around you in a comforting way. In the way that a mother comforts her child when they ask a question that they don't know the answer to. Deities do not have all answers.

TALIESIN: They do not. That worries me, okay.

MATT: And at that point, you feel the breeze leave, the light of the moon vanish and you open your eyes once more, looking to Jester as you watch the Traveler make his exit back down the path.

TALIESIN: Well, I think I have a notion for a plan forward.

LAURA: Oh, yeah?

TALIESIN: Yeah. I don't think we can do it tonight, but I have some thoughts.

LAURA: Did you talk to her?

TALIESIN: No, no. I talked to the Wild Mother and she helped.

LAURA: I talked to the Traveler.

TALIESIN: So he seemed okay with your plan, or--?

LAURA: I mean, he came up with it, so yeah, he's fine with it. He was kind of drunk, which was cool to see. He told me a little bit about the Moon Weaver. Also, there's not going to be a moon tomorrow, so that's kind of balls.

TALIESIN: Yeah, that's true. That's a thing, might have to make like an illusionary one, I guess. Or something like that.

LAURA: Maybe.

TALIESIN: Have it appear in the sky suddenly, that'd be cool.

LAURA: Yeah, maybe it can start as like fireworks and then slowly turn into the moon or something.

TALIESIN: Oh, that would be great.

LAURA: Yeah, right?


LAURA: All right.

TALIESIN: It'll be okay, this is a lot of responsibility. You're doing good.

LAURA: I'm freaking out, Caduceus.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I know.

LAURA: You know what, though? It's kind of freeing knowing that we're not going to be dooming all these people to stay here. Whatever happens, you know, at least there's that.

TALIESIN: Whatever happens, we've already done some good.

LAURA: We really have.

TALIESIN: Yeah, you've done some good.

LAURA: You too.

TALIESIN: Thank you. Just, you deserve to celebrate it. You're the reason we're here.

LAURA: Look at all the treasure we got, and all the people we saved. And all the dancing that happened, I only got one bloody nose from an elbow to the face in the mosh pit.

TALIESIN: Only one, wow, you took it easy. Keep looking at me weird, why? Is there--?

LAURA: Oh not-- there's nothing.

TALIESIN: Are you sure?

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, no, you look great, yeah.

TALIESIN: Drop the-- drop the Disguise Self.

LAURA: Oh, that's right, you were the Moon Weaver the whole time.

TALIESIN: I assume I still have a mustache and a monocle.

MATT: Oh yeah, yeah, very much so.

LAURA: I wasn't sure if it would stay.

MATT: What's great, though, is the mustache and the monocle are like slightly smaller on your face than they should be because they were drawn for a smaller visage. (laughter)

LIAM: So it's just like his retina instead of a monocle.

MARISHA: Like a black eye.

TALIESIN: I'll go find a water basin or something. It's just something...

LAURA: -- feel weird?

TALIESIN: Yeah, I think I did--

LAURA: Maybe a bug flew in your eye while you were communing.

TALIESIN: I'll see you back down.

LAURA: All right.

MATT: All right. Anyone else want to-- yes?

LIAM: I dance Veth over joyously towards the bar and find Beauregard. Beauregard, Beauregard, Beauregard, Beauregard.

MARISHA: Yeah, that's my name.

LIAM: Beauregard, are you still making those-- "I'm fucking Beau!" Are you still making those drinks?

MARISHA: Fucking Beauregard! Well, yeah, you can totally-- I worked this out. You can get a Ruby of the Sea or you can get a Chaos Reigns, which has, like, Midori in it. And it's great-- it looks kind of nasty.

LIAM: It's too frothy.


LIAM: I'll do the Ruby of the Sea. The other one is-- I saw it-- is too frothy.

MARISHA: It is, yeah-- it's got egg whites in it, which doesn't check out for tropical location.

LIAM: It works, but 50/50 chance of turning your stomach.

MARISHA: Yeah, food poisoning. Yeah, it's bad, yeah.

LIAM: Make us two, would you?

SAM: I'll take one of the frothy ones, but Caleb, not to contradict you, I don't think Beauregard is the bartender.

MARISHA: I'm not, but I could be!

LIAM: You should be.

MARISHA: I just jump over the bar and shove the-- whoever the poor Traveler follower--

LIAM: You were back there before, just--

MARISHA: Yeah, and I just-- I invented these cocktails. So I can just take over for a minute. It's fine.

LIAM: Okay. (laughter)

TRAVIS: That is a genteel shake.

SAM: That's a gentle shake!

MARISHA: Well, you don't want to over whip the egg whites, or else they'll start to curdle. I don't know, I'm not a mixologist.

LIAM: What bird did these eggs come from?

MARISHA: Fuck if I know, dude. They just brought them to me.

LIAM: What if they're dinosaur eggs?

MARISHA: I think they are!

ASHLEY: Please, could I have another one of the frothies?

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I slide this one over to Veth. I think I got a little-- I just have to-- hang on. Hang on.

ASHLEY: I did not realize you were making these, Beau, because they are super, super delicious.

MARISHA: I wasn't until right now. Here you go.

LIAM: I'll take the gross one.

MARISHA: Well, no, no, I'm going to make a couple of more Ruby of the Seas. Just wait, just a second.

MATT: A green-scaled dragon born walks up with a rather rotund midsection and broad shoulders and goes, "Excuse me?"


MATT: "You the one making the drinks?"

MARISHA: Just for my friends. What do you--?

SAM: Yes, yep, she's great.

MATT: "I'll take three of whatever it is you're making."

MARISHA: Okay, yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah, fuck you, Veth.

MATT: A couple of people start showing up.

LIAM: Private conversation is not going quite the way I had anticipated.

MARISHA: Hang on, hang on, just let me-- here you go, sir. Here you go. Tips, please. Tip your bartender, okay?

MATT: Tosses a silver over.

MARISHA: Fucking silver! I fucking toss it back.

MATT: (impact sound) "Ah!"

MARISHA: Hang on, hang on.

TRAVIS: Silver's pretty good.

LAURA: Yeah, I know, right?

LIAM: Yasha, would you come around and stand in front of her so that the crowds can't see her as well.

ASHLEY: Yeah, okay. I'll just-- (laughter)

TRAVIS: Are you just--

ASHLEY: No, no this is not a line for drinks, go.

MARISHA: Sir, here you go. You don't-- your crowd-- don't loiter in front of the bar, please.

MATT: Make an intimidation check. (laughs) The gentlest intimidation.

ASHLEY: Natural 20. (cheering)

MATT: The minute Yasha scoots in and blocks off and says that over her shoulder, not realizing how in her somewhat intoxicated and still dance adrenaline pumping self, how intense it comes across.

ASHLEY: (dark voice) This is not a line. (laughter)

MATT: There's a momentary pause, everyone takes a step back, look at each other, and they all just scatter to the rest of the event. And you leave the bar area.

TALIESIN: Want a water bottle, man, god!

MARISHA: Thank you. Bar's closed for 10 minutes. 'Sup, guys?

LIAM: So-- wait, did we have, one, two, three-- she is into it, okay. Four drinks?

MARISHA: Here, let me just do some floaters on top of those. Okay, all right. Cheers!

LIAM: Prost.

ASHLEY: Cheers. Cheers, cheers.

LIAM: This is-- this is it. This might be our last night. It could be our second to last night, but it feels like this is coming to a head.

SAM: Last night for what?

ASHLEY: Last night-- are we going to die?

LIAM: On the island.


SAM: Just everything you say has such a-- like, a gloomy sort of...

TRAVIS: (laughs)

LIAM: That's why I came for the drinks.

ASHLEY: I was like, wait, I want a little bit more time. (laughter)

LIAM: Who knows what is going to happen though? We've been at this-- we've been talking about this moment for months, and planning for it for a week or more. And now we're on top of it. What is going to happen?

SAM: Well, I mean, if I know Jester, something spectacular will happen. And something very, very well thought out. Because she's one of the smartest people I know.

LIAM: Well she is, but I have come to expect the unexpected with Miss Lavorre.

MARISHA: What are you getting at?

LIAM: Well, um...

MARISHA: I feel like you're like working towards something.

LIAM: Yeah, I am. I wasn't.

ASHLEY: I can go dance.

LIAM: No, stay, please stay.

SAM: Oh, do you want me to leave?

LIAM: No, I don't want you to leave.

MARISHA: Was this supposed to be a private conversation?

SAM: And if so, with which one of us?

LIAM: Listen, that is--

ASHLEY: Did you just want me to stay?

LIAM: -- that is chaos under the bridge at this point. Well, I did want to talk to the both of you, but please stay.


LIAM: Whatever this is, it's almost over. And I just wanted to feel out the two of you, and now you. But you, citizens of the Empire. Do you have any idea what you wish to do after this? Because I do.

SAM: Oh, well then, why don't you start, because to be honest, I find myself very conflicted as to what to do next. You know, we don't have a clear path as a group anymore. You know, we've sort of-- we've staved off war, at least for the time being. And we don't have any life or death missions pressing, so... I could see myself going home, but you?

LIAM: Yeah, I would like to go home. I would like to go to our home.

SAM: Your?

LIAM: Our home.

MARISHA: How do you mean that?

LIAM: The Empire. I want to return to the mainland and I would like very much for the both of you to come with me, and all of the Nein. But I need the two of you. I need all of you, but I... Whatever happened out there at sea, you know it's not as simple as that. You know it isn't.

MARISHA: Was super relishing in my escapism, but yeah, thank you. Of course, this isn't over.

LIAM: It's not right at home.

SAM: So you want to go back and make it right? We had talked a while back about punishing those who had started this all. But you know, now we're on a tropical island and that doesn't seem as pressing.

LIAM: We are here to help our friend, and she deserves it. But I feel inclined to return home and understand what is happening at home. And I need you, because you are my best friend. And I need you as my partner to make right. And I need all of you, Yasha. I was scared to ask up front. I figured I'd start with them, but I need you.

SAM: We came all this way for Jester, and I can't imagine that any of us would say no to a friend in need, but what would we be doing exactly? I mean, going to Rexxentrum and enacting some sort of vigilante justice?

LIAM: Well, I'm not sure yet. It's complicated.


LIAM: Some of them seem maybe redeemable, maybe.

MARISHA: We could have vigilante justice. Maybe we do it all above the board.

LIAM: Sure.

SAM: How-- how would-- you mean work for your organization?


SAM: You're gonna (whisper) deputize us?

MARISHA: Can I do that?

SAM: I think maybe.

MARISHA: I think I can. I think we just decided that I can. Yeah, I could do that. Yeah. We're not, like, the guard, by the way. We're, like, librarians. I just want to point that out. So you can be, like, deputized librarians.

SAM: I must admit, we've been talking about your organization for a lot of this campaign, or whatever you-- but I don't know very much about it at all.

MARISHA: It's pretty enigmatic, yeah. We have, like, a god.

SAM: Wait, what?

MARISHA: Yeah, totally. No, I'm technically kind of like a religious person. I was just like, it's whatever.

LIAM: You are like a cleric, then?

MARISHA: No, I'm not like that at all. It's just like-- you know, like, Platinum Dragon school or like, you know. It's like Ioun school.

LIAM: I've only ever seen you reverse heal people.

SAM: Did you have to wear mini, like, plaid skirts and--?

MARISHA: Well, we had uniforms, yeah. We're getting off the point. Okay, let's get back.

ASHLEY: Wait, who's your god?

MARISHA: Ioun, The Knowing Mistress.

ASHLEY: Oh, Ioun, Ioun.

MARISHA: Yeah. I mean it's thematic. Yeah.

ASHLEY: Yeah, cool.

SAM: What is this? What did you just point to?

MARISHA: Well it's, like, third eye. That's, like, her. I mean, it's-- we're getting off-topic. Here's the thing. I-- This is all I have is the Mighty Nein. To the point of where I was so desperate to control the situation of how I theoretically lost you all by attempting to sacrifice myself to that hag. Because... I guess I thought if I could control the way that this ended, even if it's as innocuous as growing apart, that might be less painful. Because even the thought of simply becoming distant means that that would be the second family that that would have happened to with me, so... I'm all in.

LIAM: I confess I've been a little worried about the same after this visit to this island.

MARISHA: Do we all have codependency issues? Oh my god, you guys, I think we're codependent on each other. That's cool!

LIAM: Well, I would hope that the others would come.

MARISHA: Yeah, me too.

LIAM: But will you help-- will you help me convince them if they need convincing?

SAM: Honestly, I'm a bit conflicted myself. I mean, I definitely want to help, but I've got to go home at some point. And not just to Felderwin. I mean to my family.

LIAM: Yeah.

SAM: I don't know if--

LIAM: I'd not forgotten.

SAM: I want to help, of course. I love the Nein as well. But, at the same time, that feeling of throwing your arms around your child that you haven't seen in a long time is on my mind. And I need to do it.

MARISHA: If we go back to the Empire, maybe you can have both.

LIAM: And what if you could visit more frequently?

SAM: What do you mean?

LIAM: I've been noodling. I am right on the cusp.

SAM: Of?

LIAM: Of being able to bring you to your family.

SAM: All the time?

LIAM: Yeah, all the time. I haven't-- I haven't mastered it quite yet, but...

SAM: Sort of like a... commute?

LIAM: Yeah. Yeah, you could be a--

SAM: Nights and weekends at the...

LIAM: A working mom who jots off to save the world and returns home for dinner.

MARISHA: I mean, it's very progressive.

SAM: I mean, that's the dream.

MARISHA: It's true.

SAM: Wow.

MARISHA: Yasha, what about you? I mean, we're Empire people, but where do you stand?

ASHLEY: I haven't even thought that far ahead, but I don't have a home. I don't even know if my tribe is alive. And it's not like I would want to go back to them anyway.


ASHLEY: No. You all are the only family that I have, so I... I want to be wherever you are, if that's okay.

SAM: Have you been, forgive me prying, but have you been seeking something? You know, earlier when we had met, you kept disappearing. And even now, you toss and turn at night and it feels like you have something missing in your life and I've always been curious. I mean, what is it that you're looking for? Unless it's all just sort of a cover because you're really evil and you're going to kill us all in our sleep one day.

ASHLEY: Yes, that's exactly what it is, Nott.

MARISHA: Yeah, we were super convinced of that for a little bit.

LIAM: That almost happened a few times.

SAM: I'm on the fence still.

ASHLEY: I'd say it still could happen, so, you know. No, um... I think I was just looking for answers, I guess. There's so much about myself that I don't know.

SAM: Did you find out enough?

ASHLEY: I think there's still more to find out, but I think I needed to forgive myself for a lot of things. And I think slowly I have, and I feel like I have a purpose with all of you. Yeah. I don't know.

LIAM: Well, plenty to focus on for the time being.

SAM: Oh, yes, we have to do this thing tomorrow.

LIAM: Big party.

MARISHA: I'm glad we talked about this, though. Sir, sir! Bar still closed! Fuck off, please.

LIAM: Yeah, but could I have another one, though?

MARISHA: Fuck-- oh yeah, yeah, you.

LIAM: It's closed!

ASHLEY: It's closed. This is not a bar. This is private.

MATT: Fjord, is there anything you want to accomplish before the night's done or...?


MATT: No, okay.

LAURA: I want to do one last thing before the morning. I'll go somewhere where there's, like, a wall. I'm going to bust out my paints.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: My fancy paints.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Pants?

LAURA: My fancy pants, and I'm going to paint a new outfit for myself that looks more like a high priestess sort of outfit. So, where my outfit is very dark right now, I'm going to make it a lot lighter looking. Maybe like a very, very, very pale blue, shimmery white. With lots of embroidery on it with, you know, just the tiniest little dicks mixed in, but also lots of, like, moons. Whatever I think works for the Moon Weaver. Lots of moons, maybe a couple of stars, I don't fucking know. But looks really pretty, almost like chiffon-y.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: And it's going to be fitted through here and then more of like a flowy bottom. But, like, very soft flow.

MATT: (laughs) Okay.

LAURA: But I still want to wear my green cloak over top of it. I just want to paint that, then hopefully I can turn that into actual clothes. I think I can, with my paint?

MATT: Yeah, you're Jester. I'll allow it. (laughter)

MATT: I will be curious. Just roll a performance check for me.

LIAM: That dress has more stats than a beholder. (laughter)

LAURA: Performance?


LAURA: Why is it performance to paint? Why is it not, like, dexterity?

LIAM: It's art, man.

MATT: Actually, if you want choose dexterity, I'll let you choose one or the other.

LAURA: Okay.

SAM: (whispering) Do performance.

MATT: It's 'cause I don't want to have to be, like, well, if you have a low dexterity, you can't draw nice, you know?

LAURA: 17.

MATT: 17, okay, yeah.

LAURA: Oh, dammit. I already did it. Dang it, I didn't guide myself. I should have guided myself.

MATT: Well, oh well, you were distracted with the idea in your-

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: You feverishly paint. It does take a while.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: But you feel pretty... pretty proud of what you've managed to accomplish. Because of the detail involved, the creation of the dress does-- we'll say like... eight square--

LAURA: Eight square?

MATT: Eight square feet of paint utilized to get the colors right, the embroidery, the details.

MATT: So mark that down.

LAURA: You got it.

LIAM: So glad you didn't roll a one. I was imagining that painting of Jesus, where the person tried to fix their mistake and just made the terrible face-- (laughter)

TRAVIS: The Ring girl victims.

LAURA: Oh no.

MATT: But as you finish the painting and it's there along the side of this wooden wall, you go ahead and reach out and grab the edges and tug it and has almost a Velcro-type sensation, as you pull it away from the wood and it comes free. As you flick it and it flows, you hear about seven different voices go: "Whoa!" And you turn around and there's a crowd of 15 people that have been just watching you while you were engrossed in your painting. The party has died down now at this point, the fires are low. Most people have gone off to bed. But you unknowingly drew a crowd here while you were in the middle of painting this beautiful dress against a wall and then it became real, and people are taken aback by it with big smiles, bright eyes, a couple of children. This little girl who's, like, six is looking up with these big doey eyes. And she's like: (gasp)

LAURA: I turn around and I curtsy very low, and I come back up and say, "Let chaos reign."

MATT: "Let chaos-- let chaos reign--" They all: (clapping)

LAURA: And I float away as elegantly as I can.

MATT: (laughs) Okay. All right, well done.

MARISHA: I-- one last thing. Where is Fjord?

MATT: I don't know, where are you Fjord?

MARISHA: Still chilling?

TRAVIS: Yeah, no. Well, if you guys left to go commune, I think I'm just sort of keeping an eye out. So I'm not at the bar. I'm not-- I didn't follow them. Just sort of watching everyone.

MARISHA: Wallflowering?

LAURA: Wandering around.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I just feel like someone's gonna start some shit.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: I-- before the bar closes down, I just pour a couple of glasses of just straight rum.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Go find Fjord.

MARISHA: Pass-- pass it around.

TRAVIS: What is this?

MARISHA: Rum from Kent Plucker. It's all we have.

TRAVIS: Just rum, nothing else?

MARISHA: Yeah, I'm sorry.

TRAVIS: No, that's actually-- I prefer that.

MARISHA: Oh really?

TRAVIS: The other stuff gives me a headache.

MARISHA: Yeah, the sugar. I mean, rum is so sugary.

TRAVIS: I know.

MARISHA: I feel like-- it's-- it gives me-- I'm going to be so hung over tomorrow. Anyway. Sup?

TRAVIS: Uh-oh.

MARISHA: What? I'm sorry. I just wanted to check in, you know? I've had a lot of Ruby of the Seas. (laughter)

TRAVIS: I hear that's good for you.

MARISHA: Yeah. So yeah, just wanted to check in, though, because, like, you know, I look up to you a lot and like, you know, admire you. I don't know, like, conversation came up, like, an hour ago about, like, what are we all going to do? And you know, there was, like, some, like, dream-- not dreams, not-- uh-- There was, like, a reality that I kind of thought of, of, like, sailing the sea with you, you know, and being like first mate, captain, but then also, like, still an expositor. So I was like, maybe I can combine that and be, like, an expositor-pirate.

TRAVIS: Ooh, hybrid.



MARISHA: But that also feels like, you know, a Hallow's Eve costume in a way and not, like, a real job.

MARISHA: I don't know.

TRAVIS: Do you have obligations that you have to meet as an expositor, like a yearly quota you have to meet or anything?

MARISHA: I don't really know. They kind of made me an Expositor and then I've just been fucking off with you guys, but I think I've been, like, doing things and, like, we've been making a difference, so they're not, like, checking me on any shit.

TRAVIS: Right.

MARISHA: So-- but also, like, I don't know.

TRAVIS: We totally have been making a difference by the way. You're absolutely right. We have.

MARISHA: We have?

TRAVIS: I feel the same way. Yes, of course!


TRAVIS: I don't know what you were doing before this, but I was doing fuck-all.

MARISHA: Oh, it was a disaster.

TRAVIS: I feel like we've all made more of an impact than we ever would if we hadn't met each other.


TRAVIS: You said there was a conversation going on about what, what the plan is?

MARISHA: I-- yeah, I dunno. Just about, like, life after Mighty Nein, you know?



TRAVIS: It's so weird. I don't have the answer to that. That's a big question. I had a similar conversation with Jester earlier this week and she was asking.

MARISHA: Really?

TRAVIS: Yeah, all of this stuff about gods and what happens when you die. And I-- I don't know if I give off some sort of a sense of knowing shit.

MARISHA: You kind of do, yeah.

TRAVIS: I really don't.

MARISHA: You're just, you got, like, a gravitas about you, you know?

TRAVIS: It is a lie.

MARISHA: I mean, it works, so whatever you're doing, just keep doing it.


MARISHA: So, Jester, though.

TRAVIS: Here it comes. (laughter) I was wondering where that melodic intro was going to hit. J--Jester?

MARISHA: You know what I'm going to ask, dude, right? Like, what's the deal?

TRAVIS: When you come with the "dude," yes, I think I know what you're going to ask. What-- what about Jester?

MARISHA: You know how she feels about you or at least how she did? I don't know if she still does.

TRAVIS: I don't either. I have no idea. I am... probably the least clued in as to how Jester feels. I've actually tried to ask, but I don't know.

MARISHA: You have to be direct with Jester, though. Like, you can't--

TRAVIS: For sure.

MARISHA: -- like, beat around the bush. So if you were trying to, like, sidestep it, that might've gone over her head.

TRAVIS: I get that. It's just that there are more... pressing matters at hand. And... I feel like I'm the fourth version of myself since I left Port Damali. And I feel like it could change again in a month or three months. I feel as if the ground is shifting underneath my feet every few nights that I wake up and it's crazy. I actually love it. Because it's all been for the better, no matter how crazy it's been. But what I wanted when this all began is so far in the past, I can't-- I forget about it sometimes. It comes for me in the middle of the night, even. But... Jester's hard to ignore.

MARISHA: Yeah, no, I know. I'm pretty certain literally everyone has a crush on her.


MARISHA: Like, at least all of Mighty Nein. I don't know though, but I'm pretty sure everyone she meets is, like, "Well I'd maybe kill for you, yeah."

TRAVIS: Oh yes, no, that I totally agree with. Yeah. Yeah. No, I-- Where is she?

MARISHA: I don't fucking know. I don't know.

MATT: With your high wisdom, you would look over and see across the way, she's partway through painting a dress on a wall.

MARISHA: Fuck if I know, man.

TRAVIS: Mm-hmm. Do I see Jester?

MATT: With your passive perception this far away, no.

TRAVIS: Fucking figures.

MARISHA: (laughs)

TRAVIS: I-- You know when someone makes you feel a way that you don't think you have any right to feel or you never thought that you might?


TRAVIS: And that seems off because I should know who I am. I should know how I feel or what I want, but there's a gravity around Jester, at least to me. And she's the one I've known the longest in this new part of my life. And I really thought that when this started, there would be an end for me in this and I would get even, or retribution or payback and then I would be... done. And it hasn't been that way at all. It shriveled up and died and in its place, seven new interests sprouted, and--

MARISHA: I mean, I think part of the reason we all set off to Zadash was to go search out the Soltryce Academy for you.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I wanted to go to school there.

MARISHA: How crazy-- you wanted to go to college!

TRAVIS: Fucking stupid.

MARISHA: Nuts, yeah.

TRAVIS: I mean, I really feel like an idiot about when I think about what I was saying to Caleb back then. Dense, ooh! I--

MARISHA: None of us knew any better.

TRAVIS: I-- I want Jester to be happy. I do feel very strongly for her, but I also know that when this all began, her affections might've been based entirely on whimsy. I don't know. I-- and I don't really feel like asking either. I almost don't want to know, just like it. And to me, as long as she's all right, it seems like this is not a permanent thing. It's not like we were going to leave here on this island. And then we would just go off, which I was worried about before. But it sounds like it's all for show and we might be the Nein again, after all this. And then I don't know what. I want to explore the world. I want to see the lands we haven't seen. I want to find the things that people are scared of and solve them or do whatever anyone else needs to do. But-- I hope she's a part of that.

MARISHA: Me, too. You talking about being four different versions of yourself since you left. I think there's been four different versions of Jester and four different versions of... all of us, really. I think I'm just... comforted knowing that we all have these underlying thoughts.

TRAVIS: Yeah. By the way, speaking of.

MARISHA: Oh shit!

TRAVIS: Oh, bringing it back, bringing it back. What the fuck with the flight with Yasha?

MARISHA: Dude. Dude.

TRAVIS: I mean, come on. You were red head to toe.

MARISHA: So I definitely had a crush on Jester, just since we're, like, drunk and--

TRAVIS: When you said it before, it was like a thing. You had a real crush on Jester?

MARISHA: Well, I'm pretty-- she's so enigmatic, like you said, and she just, like, she's got this way of just when she talks.

TRAVIS: I'm talking Yasha. You can go back to Yasha, it's--

MARISHA: No, but I mean, but the-- it-- kind of transfers in a way. I swore off Yasha because she's got her own shit she's got to deal with, you know. She's, like, mourning her wife. So I can't be like that asshole who comes in and is like-- No one wants to be the rebound, you know?

TRAVIS: I feel you, a hundred percent.

MARISHA: So it's-- I don't know. I'm--

TRAVIS: We are all so fucked up, it's crazy.

MARISHA: We're so fucked up.

TRAVIS: It's like a bunch of jigsaw puzzles that have no matching pieces. You just like get them really wet and shoved those shits together. Like, "It fits!"

MARISHA: I mentioned earlier to Ca-- I think he went to bed-- to Caleb. I think we're all super codependent on each other and I'm kind of here for that. Super comfortable in that.


MARISHA: So. I don't know, you think Yasha likes me though? You think she's like-- you think there's like-- I mean, when she like-- you know.

TRAVIS: Yasha's not really easy to read.


TRAVIS: But you know, for the little that she says, it certainly seemed like she was, I don't know, flustered.

MARISHA: I think-- it's easy to lust after Jester because she's... sparkles and confetti and shiny. There was something about Yasha from the moment that I saw her... that I think I've been avoiding. I don't know.

TRAVIS: Something of more sustenance that's not as... fleeting?

MARISHA: Yeah. Yeah.


MARISHA: But I guess we'll see what happens tomorrow. Traveler Con! Woo! All right, goodnight, Fjord.

TRAVIS: You're going to leave me with this ra--?

MARISHA: And I walk away. (laughter)

LIAM: There you go.

SAM: Goodnight!

TRAVIS: I drink my rum.

MATT: All right. (laughter) You all eventually come to the chamber that is no longer Vilya's. A comfortable interior room. Of which Veth probably notifies you all that she took her leave, but gave her best to you all.

SAM: And the keys to her apartment.

MATT: (chuckles) So you get a night's rest here on this Traveler Eve. Dreams of excitement and anxiety for what the day to come may hold. Dreams of family and longing. Dreams of lost family and new. Dreams of a life after the run and the chase. Dreams of being free of... poor decisions once and for all. Dreams of... making something of yourself that you never thought, anybody else that you could. Dreams of restoring a life that which your family had been promised to keep. But then, Caduceus, in those dreams still--


MATT: Bending cobblestone. Walls that see and scream. Looking down alleyways that curve into an impossible curvature. Still unsettled. Something hooked you in that. But the morning comes to you all, somewhat muggy and a cloudy day greets you. The jungle heat and humidity makes for an already sticky and uncomfortable morning. But you hear the exterior chatter of a large crowd of people that have come to, excited. As you glance out through the entryway that leads into the thoroughfare of the village of Vo, you can see there are numerous green cloaks. You can see individuals getting pieces of cake and treats that have been prepared and brought from wherever else they came from. A multitude of colors and faces all around you as music begins to burble up from below, different, in some cases conflicting themes. But nevertheless, there is a palpable excitement in the morning and a number of you are very hungover, but you soldier through it, except for you, 'cause you're immune to poison.

TALIESIN: Oh and I'm fine, I didn't have anything to drink.

TRAVIS: Immune to poison!

MARISHA: He was talking to me, but you, too.

MATT: Yeah, you're fine.

TALIESIN: I'm great, I'm already--

MATT: Caleb, your head is pounding.

MARISHA: Saturday at Comic Con. (laughter)

MATT: Oh, yeah.

MARISHA: Went too hard on Friday night, and we have Saturday to go, two more days.

TRAVIS: Irish breakfast, come on.

MARISHA: Yeah, Irish breakfast, let's go.

TRAVIS: Get it in me.

MARISHA: Irish coffee to help the day.

MATT: You can taste that last drink when you wake up.

TRAVIS: Ooh, Matthew.

MARISHA: Let's go do a panel.

TRAVIS: Too real.

LIAM: Not this year.

MATT: But the day is yours. What would you like to do?

LAURA: I make sure everybody has their cloaks. You guys are all-- you're good? I know it's hot outside, but to keep it on to really make everyone think we're all high priests.

ASHLEY: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.

LAURA: Oh yeah, I put mine on too, okay.

TALIESIN: I didn't bring mine.

LAURA: That's okay, Caduceus.

SAM: It's okay, your hair is a cloak.

MATT: All right.

ASHLEY: It's hot.

LAURA: It is very warm.

TRAVIS: It's hot as fuck.

MARISHA: The back of my neck is sweating.

TRAVIS: Burbank summer's some horseshit.

MATT: Yep.

LAURA: Okay, so I was thinking what we'd start with is Yasha.

ASHLEY: Uh-- (laughter)

ASHLEY: It's the frothy bits.

LAURA: Yeah.


ASHLEY: Yeah, I feel like I taste it right around here.

LAURA: I wouldn't have trusted it if I were you, that's-- I mean, how long those eggs been here, you know?

ASHLEY: Yeah, that's true.

TRAVIS: They weren't eggs.

ASHLEY: It's fine. It was worth it.

LAURA: Okay, so start with the Yasha concert.

ASHLEY: Yeah, okay.

LAURA: Then we'll do a little, you know-- I'll come after you do the intro, like opening act.


LAURA: I'll come out. I'll give a speech.


LAURA: And then, you know, commence the festivities. Everyone scatter and start their dick hunt. Yeah?

MARISHA: Mm-hmm.

LAURA: And then... once everyone finds their dick, then we can start the trek up to the volcano, yeah?

ASHLEY: Do you have a specific kind of song you'd like me to play? Like something uplifting, something...?

LAURA: Can you start with something like, you know, dark and kind of moony, you know?

ASHLEY: Something dark and moony?

LAURA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Okay, I have some ideas.

LAURA: As it goes and people start to gather, then you can get more jaunty and, like, epic.

ASHLEY: Love it. Dark, moony, and jaunty.

LAURA: (laughs) Yeah, and then--

ASHLEY: I know exactly what to play.

LAURA: And then finish off with something like buh! And then right when it's buh! That's when I'll-- Caleb, if you could do some cool chh effect.

LIAM: Yeah, of course. I could do that.

LAURA: Yeah, as soon as she does her final chh and then you do an effect and then I'll come on stage.

LIAM: Okay. And then when I come on stage, then everybody else should probably like--

MARISHA: (light claps)

LAURA: Yeah, start clapping 'cause, like, so that everyone knows that I'm, like, the high priestess and stuff.

SAM: Do you need to be introduced or will you just come out after the song is over?

LAURA: Oh, that's a good idea. Do you want to introduce me?

SAM: Me? Uh, sure. Yep.

LAURA: Okay, so, buh! Veth will come out, introduce me. And then I'll come on stage.

SAM: Is there-- you're just the high priestess of the Traveler so far?

LAURA: Still the Traveler. That's the trick we're going to reveal later. I feel like we'll probably do the Moon Weaver reveal after everybody gets up to the volcano. We throw our stuff in and then the Traveler's going to do some (horn blowing) and he's going to ascend and then buh-bam! And then maybe Fjord, you can do this big visual thing, because we're not going to have a moon! (nervous laugh) There's not going to be a moon. So if you could make a cool firework or something that all of a sudden transforms into the moon, like a really big full moon.

LIAM: You need a moon? Do you need a moon?

LAURA: Like, what do you mean, you can make a moon?

LIAM: Sorry, my face really hurts a lot.

TALIESIN: Oh yeah, no. She needs a moon. I know this one.

LAURA: Yeah, I need a moon.

LIAM: Well, I think I could work something out with a bit of forced perspective and throw-- if the crowd is in a relatively congregated space, I could create a moon above us that would appear as if it was where it should be.

LAURA: I love it! Yeah, do that!

LIAM: And we could gussy it up and make it feel a little... something special.

LAURA: Extra fancy, like the Moon Weaver's really looking down on us and is proud of us.

LIAM: Yeah Are we doing the big moon or the little moon?

LAURA: The big moon.

LIAM: The big moon. Okay. And no-- we're done with the penis motif. Now it is just straight moons?

LAURA: After the penises go in the volcano then penis motif is doneskis. Onto moon.

TRAVIS: (laughs)


LAURA: Yeah.

LIAM: Okay.

MARISHA: And the Traveler knows all of his cues? He knows the plan?

LAURA: I have not told him anything, but he's really good at picking things up.


LAURA: We did this all the time. He knows. It's like-- we work well off each other.

LIAM: So he's going to wing it like jazz off of what you have planned with us?

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: Okay. Well, I have a full itinerary that I have-- I have a deep schedule and he's going to wing it.

LAURA: Well, they are his followers.

MARISHA: Yeah! Yeah, no, he's got it.

LAURA: It's really hot in this cloak.

MARISHA: He's talented. So hot in this cloak. Cloaks in the jungle, why did we?

LAURA: Yeah, didn't think about that. If you guys want to rip the sleeves off your cloaks, that's totally fine.

TRAVIS: Sleeves are bullshit.

ASHLEY: A sleeveless cloak.

TALIESIN: These cloaks have sleeves?

ASHLEY: Sleeves are bullshit.

LAURA: I don't know, do they? Maybe cut a hole in the sides of it? I-- maybe it's just a cloak that goes over. Yeah, cut holes so your arms can poke out the sides.

MATT: As you make your way down to the main village, having this conversation, you can see elements of the crowd have splintered off into small groups and you can see there's some people who are orating about an experience, whether it be their story of how they met the Traveler or tips and tricks on various tricks they've done. Small panels, if you will, have broken off into different aspects. People are having gatherings and discussions. Food is being cooked. You can hear the faint beginnings of a few musicians starting to tune up and prepare for the day's playing. But there is largely no organization to this. Everyone's just doing their own thing and waiting for someone to take point.

LAURA: Good, good. Yasha will get the gathering happening with the music and stuff.

ASHLEY: Okay, should I-- should I start?

LAURA: I mean, you don't want to go too early, you know, but once it seems like-- yeah, sure, go.

MARISHA: That's true. What time is it?

LAURA: What time is it?

MATT: At this point-- yes. At this point it'd be probably at 10:30. You guys kind of slept in for those who were drinking heavily. Not too bad, not too bad.

LAURA: That's a good start.

MARISHA: 10:30. Keynote at 11?


MARISHA: Okay, all right, cool.

MATT: So the stage is completed. And there, you know, you can see Kent Plucker and a handful of other figures that are all tuning instruments, getting warmed up, but you can see they're all not a cohesive group. They're all eyeing each other, like who's going to finish tuning up first and take the stage first. And they're all having this subtle eyeline duel between each other.

LAURA: Can somebody do a cool light effect or something so that everyone looks at the stage when Yasha gets up there?

TRAVIS: I don't have a job. I could just ... (southern accent) Eldritch Blast! (explosions)

MATT: Do you do that?


MATT: You watch as all of a sudden, the nearby crowd of people start looking up going, "Whoa, what?" And they all look over in your direction.

TRAVIS: Oh, were we ready yet?

LAURA: Yasha, go, go, go!

SAM: Places, please. Action.

ASHLEY: Okay. So I will go up on the stage.

MARISHA: (applause and cheering)

LAURA: (applause) Yasha!

MATT: Interesting point. As you step up onto the stage and hear the voices chanting, the first couple of steps you take, you see this weird mist pouring off of the wood and with each step, it billows heavier and heavier and has a dull, rich green coloration to it. And as you step to the main central area, it forms this greenish mist fog that surrounds the edges of the stage.

TRAVIS: So Eurovision.


LAURA: I'm going to use Thaumaturgy to make it sound like the crowd starts chanting, "Yasha, Yasha, Yasha."

TRAVIS: Please welcome, Xhorhas. (laughter)

ASHLEY: Xhorhas is the perfect Eurovision name. (laughter) (vague European accent) We are Xhorhas. Okay, so I'm going to go up there and because everybody's chanting, I'm going to turn my back to the audience.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: And start playing my harp. And I'm going to start out doing a version of-- kind of like "Immigrant Song" by Led Zeppelin, and then turn it into like "Run to the Hills" by Iron Maiden towards the end.

MATT: Okay, okay.

ASHLEY: You know, some kind of metal-y, jaunty, moony, dark kind of vibe.

MATT: Okay. Now, you don't notice this as you're focusing on the music and as you're hitting the low beat and getting it to rise, you all watch as that mist begins to grow above and much like those giant, you know, demonic, skeletal backdrops in concerts during metal shows in the eighties that looked absolutely ridiculous. This large green cloak rises up over Yasha and you can see the face of the Traveler, massive, begins to peer through the hood. Almost falling into place. Like it was sliding into the cloak and the voice begins to echo out from underneath and goes, "Welcome, my friends, my chosen. "For today "is the day that we celebrate me. "And to begin, "let us all revel in the musical stylings (laughter) "of Yasha the Reborn!"


ASHLEY: (sings Immigrant Song theme) (laughter)

TRAVIS: The VMAs are fucking sick this year!

LIAM: Caleb will use Major Image at this moment, which can go for a total of 10 minutes. To start with, like, those glass balls of electricity, where you touch them and lines come out of electricity.

MARISHA: Plasma balls.

LIAM: Electric lines leave Yasha's body and go down to the stage and the people in the front row. And some of them intersect and make jagged lightning penises. And some of them make jagged lightning moons, but the moons are a little more subtle, but there's just shapes appearing in these electric snakes coming of her body down to the ground.

MATT: Fantastic.

TALIESIN: I use Thaumaturgy to make some amps in the back for the people who are too away from the stage to really hear it. So we're getting the full concert experience. (laughter)

ASHLEY: Awesome.

MATT: Go ahead and roll a performance check for me.

LAURA: Oh god!

MARISHA: Come on!

LAURA: With advantage, right?

ASHLEY: Say again?

MATT: I don't know, did you cast the spell on her before she went up there?

LAURA: No! (laughter)

ASHLEY: Okay. Come on.

MATT: I will say, I will say before we do the roll.

ASHLEY: Ooh. (laughter)

MATT: I'll say with everyone else enhancing the experience, I'll give it advantage because it is in a communal-- everyone is helping.

ASHLEY: Okay. Let's hope this is better.

TRAVIS: Make a difference.

ASHLEY: Mm-mm. (laughter)

ASHLEY: Okay, so that would be five total. (groans) (laughter)

LAURA: Cheese sandwiches!

MARISHA: You know when you can hear when someone's really bad at Rock Band?

TRAVIS and MARISHA: (electronic plunking sounds)

LIAM: But instead of the (vocalizing), it's just that goat.

ASHLEY: (goat yelling)

MATT: But-- (laughs) But you're into it. You are just rocking that shit and, you know, people are still into it, you know, they're-- it's not terrible, by any means.

ASHLEY: It's the opening act, okay. They're not always good.

MATT: But as you're getting into it, you can see--

ASHLEY: The opening, opening act.

MATT: Yeah, as you're getting into it, people are still clapping along. There's still excitement in the crowd. People are gathering because it is still a display. And I've been to many shows where they were okay, but the presentation was fucking on point. It's that people are there. People are there. You do see in the front row, Kent Plucker, sitting there with his lute over his shoulder, looking at her like-- He knows. And he's reveling in it. But you don't give a shit. But nevertheless, the music swells, performance is still breathtaking around the central part of it. And it comes to a close. Everyone cheers. (cheering)

MARISHA: Yeah! Encore!

LAURA: Yasha the Reborn!

ASHLEY: So I start playing again because Beau requested.


MATT: Do you encore?


MATT: Roll a performance check.

ASHLEY: Come on, let's do one good song. Oh, 13.

MATT: 13? That's good. That's a success.

TRAVIS: Markedly better.

MATT: Markedly better.

ASHLEY: I had to get my wiggles out.

MATT: As you finish it, people are like, "Oh good, she's done," and some people start wandering off a little bit. The crowd begins to disperse. And as soon as we get the second song, you're like, "Oh, here we go." And you find the stride. And as you hit, the crowd stops and those folks start wandering back. And they're like, "Oh, she was punking us."

TRAVIS: The people left the Marvel movie too quick.

MATT: Yeah, yeah.

TALIESIN: You just got to go back to the previous album.

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah.

LIAM: Those electric lines become big web spider-webbed wings coming up out of the back.

MATT: It is quite the performance. Whether it be the stage nerves or the severe amount of alcohol you consumed the night before, off to a rocky start, but you picked it up--

ASHLEY: A little bit of both.

MATT: And now it's on-- probably a little bit of both. Nevertheless, Traveler Con is off without a hitch. Excitement hits as she finishes her performance and everyone cheers. And you can see other individuals start gathering their drumsticks or big drum hits. But they have these little heads at the end. And in her finale, they bring together the drums and (drum beating) to match the beat. And you can now hear about seven or eight different sets of drums that are now matching Yasha's performance as they just hit these heavy leather-stretched drums with these wooden dicks.

LAURA: Is that dinosaur hide drums? Those are the dinosaur hide drums.

ASHLEY: That's right.

MATT: This probably would have been existing hide of the dinosaurs, yes. It wouldn't be from the T-Rex you guys-- because it would take a lot longer to stretch that hide, but from existing hides taken from dinosaurs.

LAURA: Still cool!

MATT: But as the performance comes to a close, the crowd's now like, "What's next?"

SAM: I'll go up on stage as was our plan. (laughter)

SAM: And just be like: Oh, everyone give it up one more time for Yasha! (cheering) She'll be back later for more.


SAM: But in the meantime, we'd like to bring you our keynote speaker for the evening. You all know her. You all love her. The Traveler certainly does. She's the princess of pranks. She's the tycoon of tricks. She's the conquistador of cocks. Please welcome--


ASHLEY: What a title. (laughter)

SAM: And then I'll take out my pistol, just for added effect. I'll just say: High Priestess Jester! And I'll just fire it straight down into the stage. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Not up, down?

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: So just to confirm, because when you got that, it had one bullet in there.

SAM: You told me I had 20.

MATT: But I was saying, have you got bullets since then?

SAM: Oh yeah, I got-- I bought 20 at some point.

MATT: Yes, you did. I just wanted make sure you had purchased that.

TRAVIS: You fired your one bullet.

SAM: Because I wrote down that I have 19 left.

MATT: Then yes, then you'd have it. I just want to confirm it that that happened.

ASHLEY: You fired your bullet from a foot away from the--

MATT: Yeah. So (impacts) It's a dull thud and wood splinters up in the immediate vicinity. Everyone's like, "Yeah!"

SAM: Jester!

LAURA: Okay, right before I go on stage. I'm going to be behind the stage so nobody can see me.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: I'm going to cast Mirror Image on myself. So there's four of me.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: And then I'm going to cast Dimension Door to bamf onto the stage.


LAURA: So it should look like all four of me are bamfing onto the stage.

MATT: Indeed, so as you finish saying the phrase, there's just a slight bit of a pause where everyone goes like, "Yay! Is she--?" (explosion) Emerges from this giant plume of greenish-blue smoke that swirls up into the air. And as it disperses, there are now four Jesters, three of which are somewhat shimmery and flickering in and out. She arrives wearing the outfit you had painted the evening before? Or--?

LAURA: Not yet.

MATT: Not yet, okay.

LAURA: Still in my normal Traveler garb.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: But I am in a cloak.

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: I'll hit her with Major Image and the cloak looks vibrant green, unnaturally vibrant green with all kinds of silver thread scattered all across it. And enormous, three-times-as-big-as-Jester butterfly wings extend up and out from behind her, and then more vague ones on the clones. And if you look closely at the pattern, it's beautiful, pink and green and blue, and of course there are signature penises hidden in the design of the wings and moons now as well, because it's all about that subliminal messaging.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

LIAM: And they just flap gently behind her as she appears.

MATT: The crowd just (gasps) "Whoa!"

LAURA: Thank you. I'm going to spread my arms out so all of my other Jesters also spread their arms out. And I'm going to say: Let chaos reign!

MATT: "Let chaos reign!" (cheering)

LAURA: I'm going to cast Spiritual Guardians because this is all I have. I'm gonna cast Spiritual Guardians to bamf out of my hands right as I saw that as a bunch of pink, beautiful baby unicorns fly around, but they've got giant penises. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Wait, giant horns or giant penises?

MATT: There is so much going on right now. But while you're doing this Jester, Caleb, there's somebody in the audience next to you after you do the hand motions to create the spell, everyone's in awe. This individual looks like just a regular, schlubby-looking fellow with a scraggly beard looks over at you and goes, "Hmph." And then as Jester begins casting the spell, flicks his finger a bit like this, and you watch it as, from the wood platform below the stage, vines begin to rise up and create this throne made of thorns and brambles that cascades and curls around it to form this elevated throne that catches you from underneath as you have your hands out.

LAURA: Nice, Caleb!

MATT: The strange man next to you looks over at you with a flash of green in his eyes and goes, "Hmm."

LIAM: What's up, Red?

MATT: Continue, Jester.

LAURA: I'm going to stand up on the throne. And I'm going to say: Welcome, one and all, to Traveler Con 3000! (cheering) Thank you. As you know, the Traveler likes everyone here. Me mostly, but--

MATT: (small explosions) You hear some fireworks go off and everyone looks over, and you see Treece over, just runs into the nearby bushes, trying not to get caught.

MARISHA: (laughs)

LAURA: So you all traveled really far to get here, and we've got so many fun things in store for you. Check out the fighting pit! Or get drunk, I don't know, maybe play some more drums. But the main thing we're going to do today is go on a dick hunt. (cheering)

LIAM: The patterns on her wings melt like a lava lamp and spell out "dick hunt" across the open wings.

LAURA: The Traveler's been hard to work for all of you hiding many, many dicks around the village and the island. Once everybody finds one, we're going to make a special trek just so we can help the Traveler fully ascend and you're going to see some crazy shit, you guys. (laughter) (cheering)

MATT: "Is there a contest?"

LAURA: Yes! Yes, there is. Whoever finds the-- (whispering) Did we end up--? Whoever finds the golden dick gets a special prize.

MATT: "Ooh, ah!" "I'm gonna find that dick!"

LAURA: Yeah. So once you guys find your dicks.

SAM: What's the prize?

LAURA: It's a secret. Once you guys find them, come up to the stage. And once everybody's here, we'll start the rest of the shit. Have fun! Let chaos reign! (cheering)

MATT: Everyone cheers and then stays for a minute.


MATT: The crowd scatters, immediately starts running in all directions. Some folks are knocked over, tables get tossed. It is just chaos reigning as folks begin to rush off into the epic dick hunt of the afternoon.

LAURA: (sighs) That went so good. I mean, you guys. I come down. Was my speech good?

TALIESIN: It was very good.

TRAVIS: Fantastic. Moving.

LAURA: Everybody looked like they were so excited about the dick hunt.

TRAVIS: Well done, Caleb. That was absolutely extraordinary.

LAURA: Caleb, that was so cool! The wings!

SAM: I didn't know you could do that.

LIAM: It's all about that D.

MARISHA: Yeah, is it?

SAM: Yasha, your performance was really just great,

ASHLEY: Well, you know, it took me a little bit to warm up because I was a little, you know, had stage fright.

LAURA: Amazing.

ASHLEY: Thank you. I think I finally got into the groove as it went on, but, yeah, it was fun.

TRAVIS: Yeah. So what, someone's going to look for the golden dick. We did make a golden dick?

ASHLEY: Yeah, we did, we did, we did.

SAM: We did.

ASHLEY: We did make a golden dick.

SAM: We don't have a-- do we have a prize?

LAURA: No, no, we made one. We painted it with our gold dust paint.

LIAM: I think we just talked about it, I don't think-- I can make a golden dick, but I have not done it yet. I can do it lickety-split.

TRAVIS: (singsong) I've got a golden dick.

SAM: I thought I gave a bunch of gold dust.

LAURA: You did. I made golden paint and I painted one of the dicks gold.

SAM: Okay, good.

LAURA: So there is that.

LIAM: I just need some coin, I have it. I will use my own coin. I will make you a golden dick. How big would you like the dick to be?

MARISHA: Well, I mean, it should be relative to the other dick sizes.

LAURA: Well no, the golden dick should probably be a little bit larger?

MARISHA: Shit, no, I don't know.

LAURA: Or maybe it would be smaller like it's harder to find. But we already have a golden dick. This is just for our own personal use. Maybe it's like-- ooh, this is tricky. This one's the real one and one of us can find the real one so we actually don't have to do a special prize for somebody.

SAM: You're going to cheat them out of a prize?

LAURA: We don't have a real prize anyway, there's nothing.

SAM: We can give them five gold or something.

ASHLEY: You could give them the real gold dick.

LAURA: That's a good idea.

ASHLEY: And then they have two. (laughter)

LIAM: Let chaos reign!

ASHLEY: Ah! No, there's got to be a better prize than that. You know, if you find a golden dick--

LAURA: -- then you get, like--

MARISHA: What if we pulled from our hoard? There's got to be something.

TRAVIS: We should do it quickly. I mean, do you see many people have bloody noses as you sent them off in a mad dash for a dick that doesn't exist yer?

LAURA: Some of those dicks are super, super, super hard to find. So, you know, it's going to take a long time for people to find them.


MARISHA: Are people going to get really mad at this? At this game?


SAM: This is the smallest part of the day.

LAURA: They got a lot ahead of them.

MATT: As the hours pass, some people begin returning with various dicks they found across the island of Rumblecusp, various sizes, shapes, unique styles, some well carved, some not so well carved, but you also notice that there are some enterprising individuals, especially those who are a little more well off than other followers of the Traveler are now going around and asking to purchase the better dicks off of the other folk. And there's now a small economy, competitive economy growing within the middle of the dick hunt.

LAURA: It's like your birthday party, Matt.

MARISHA: I like it, yeah.

LIAM: The new DickCoin economy. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Radish trade. Turnip?

TALIESIN: Growth industry. (laughter)

MATT: A number of hours go by and people begin to return and they start getting food and comparing their dicks, and telling stories about the things they found, the things they ran from. And some people coming back going like, "That's a dangerous-- that's a really dangerous place! Like, there's-- I saw a fucking dinosaur out there!" (laughter)

MATT: So that goes on for a while. Eventually, eventually, you see one individual return, a familiar human, with shoulder-length blonde hair, who you've met once. Celia Ovesso, clutching within her hand a singular golden dick. Flanked by Trudo, her goliath companion. Everyone goes like, (gasps) "Oh, shit." People get frustrated and as she walks up. "Hello, it would seem that I was the one who found the golden dick."

LAURA: Wow, congratulations, Celia.

TRAVIS: Ask her where she found it.

LAURA: I always knew you had it in you.

MATT: "Hmm, most do."

LAURA: (giggles) So as your special prize, you get to be the last person to throw the dick. I'm not going to tell you what all we're doing. You get to be the final person to do it. And therefore set off the ascension. That's a pretty amazing thing. And maybe, maybe the Traveler will be extra grateful to you.

MATT: "Okay."

LAURA: I don't know what powers the Traveler has given you already. Has he given you anything amazing?

MATT: Oh, quite a few gifts, actually.

LAURA: Oh, really? Like what?

MATT: "Well, maybe as the last one to throw my dick into the ascension, I get to show everybody the gifts that I was given, hmm?"

LAURA: Can I make an insight check?

MATT: Sure, make an insight check. What are you trying to--?

LAURA: To see-- I want to see if she's full of shit or if her powers-- okay.

MATT: Sure.

LAURA: I want to know if her powers are better than mine. They can't be. 18.

MATT: 18. She seems confident. You can't really gauge a person's capabilities through insight, but she seems pretty confident.

LAURA: Celia, it might be dangerous up there to show all of your skills, you know?

MATT: "That is true. Maybe I'll just show the important ones."

LAURA: So? What is it? Run it by me, because I'm the High Priestess of the Traveler. So I will let you know whether or not that's acceptable or not.

MATT: "Oh, I can have this conversation with him myself."

LAURA: I don't know if you can, unfortunately, about these particular things. These are really high level.

SAM: Uncomfortable.

MATT: "And how did you become the High Priestess again?"

SAM: Celia, while you guys discuss, may I take the dick in question? I just want to wash it off for you and consecrate it and give it back to you, if that's all right.

MATT: "Of course."

SAM: I'll take it and wipe it off and rub it, rub it and make it nice and shiny. And I'm going to take a drop of sovereign glue and just sort of paint it on just to make it really shiny and nice around the shaft. So while they're talking, I'll give it back.

MATT: Okay. (laughter)

LAURA: Phenomenal.

MATT: "Thank you. Well, there is still much of a day ahead of us. Maybe if you're lucky, you'll get to see what I'm capable of when the time is right."

LAURA: Maybe I will. Maybe I already know what you're capable of because the Traveler's already told me.

MATT: "I'm sure he's told you all about me. Come, Trudo." And she walks off.

LAURA: Ooh, I hate her. Oh my gosh. Guys, what if she's one of the ones the Traveler said he was still going to talk to?

TRAVIS: She seems to be quite confident. Are we killing her?


SAM: Jessie, it's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. There's nothing that she can do that you can't do better.

ASHLEY: Yeah, and he still put you in charge of everything. He didn't put her in charge of anything.

LAURA: That's true.

SAM: Trust me. When the time is right, ask her to throw her dick in.

LAURA: Okay. Okay.

MARISHA: 9021-Vo. (laughter)

LAURA: What? I didn't hear.

MARISHA: 9021-Vo.

LAURA: Jesus.

MATT: Most of the crowd have returned. It looks like the dick hunt has been a resounding success.

LAURA: What time is it, generally?

MATT: At this point, it'd be mid-afternoon so like 3:30, 4:00 by the time everyone has mostly returned. There were some crews that were out there keeping perimeter while also doing the dick hunt to make sure that, vulnerable members of the community didn't end up being swallowed or rent by the creatures that exist on the outskirts of the village.

TRAVIS: Glad we thought of that. (laughter)

MATT: Yeah. But there is also still a fight ring. I don't know if you guys want to do anything with that. (laughter)

MATT: That is something that you had prepared.

LAURA: I figure people have been doing the fighting while--

MARISHA: Yeah, it's background.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Because you know, people were finding their dicks earlier than other people. They needed something to entertain them.

MATT: Right, great.

SAM: The kids can go in there.

MATT: The sparring in the fight ring is a playful boxing and by the end of the afternoon, when people have been drinking, and, for the record, this is turning into-- There are a lot of sloshed individuals by, like, 5:00. This is going great. And that's all moved to the fight pit, which now has people throwing their dicks at each other in the middle of the fight ring. (laughter) And no one's stopping it, nor is anyone arguing. It seems like it's perfect.

TRAVIS: Bedlam.

LIAM: Logical conclusion.

TRAVIS: Bedlam.

MATT: Indeed. However, eventually the sun does begin to set. The still-clouded sky becomes oranges, purples to dark blue as it coasts over, and eventually the night has come. The various illusions that were set by you previously are alight with their arcane glow. The archways and the various illusions of the Traveler leading folks to the village--

LAURA: Blink blink, blink blink.

MATT: Yep. Begin to glow against the various fires. The little bonfires that are being set throughout the village. You have a rather not too disorderly, but somewhat disorderly crowd of folks that are excited for whatever tonight's event is going to be. There is a palpable energy and a slight hint of, I would say-- the word escapes me for the moment because my brain doesn't work right now. They are--

MARISHA: Anxious.

MATT: Anxious, we'll go with anxious. We'll go with anxious. Sometimes the brain fails me. But. As everyone's gathered and waiting for the high priestess to once again take court to lead them into the final event for the day.

LAURA: I've changed into the other outfit.

MATT: So now you're in the full dress?

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MATT: Fantastic, fantastic. Okay.


MARISHA: And question, how many people, roughly, showed up?

MATT: Who all made the journey? There's about 160 people showed up, which means you're over 200 individuals that are following you. Well, no. Actually, they're not all following you. There are over 200 in the village. So it's very crowded. The village was not made for this many people, but people that are helping hosts are happy to do so. They've made friends. They've been very, very gracious and it is a large crowd. And you have about under 200 people that will be making the trek up the mountain with you.

LAURA: Great.


SAM: We're leading the march up? Who's leading the march up?

MARISHA: We are.

LAURA: We are.

SAM: Do you need to make another speech now?

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, after everyone's gathered I'm going to get back on the stage.

MARISHA: Should we get them food? They're real drunk. Should they eat?

LAURA: No, that's part of the fun of it.

MARISHA: Yeah, all right, yeah.

LAURA: Right? I mean, they've been eating throughout the day. It's not like they haven't been allowed to eat, you know?

MARISHA: Yeah, they knew the itinerary.

LAURA: Totally.

SAM: They did? (laughter)

LAURA: I'm going to get up on the stage.

MATT: Okay, as you step up on the stage, the throne that was previously there withdraws to find you towards the base. And as it does, the large tree that stands behind it, you watch as the branches bend and curve and spread out, roots begin to stretch towards the base of each side of the stage until it forms a large gateway and there, as it ends up touching the ground in the center of it, there's this weird, shimmery illusion that creates space that looks like you can step through that gateway. You can see it flicker every now and then, and you see the tree behind it. But there is a horizon in the distance. Like this is some sort of a gate or doorway that frames you, up 40 plus feet above you as you step on and the throne descends to catch you.

LAURA: Wow. Caleb, this is way more than I would've ever expected. This is amazing.

SAM: I'll fire my gun up in the air. (laughter)


MATT: (gunshot)

SAM: Ladies and gentlemen and other, please welcome back to the stage, the Vanquisher of Veiny Dicks, Jester! (cheering)

MATT: You see everyone clapping except for Celia, who has her hands tucked right now.

LAURA: Now that's everyone has gathered their dicks, we enter the final stage of the Traveler's ascension. Now I ask you, his followers, to follow me up the mountain, where we will throw our dicks into the volcano! Dun, dun, dun, dun!

ALL: Ooh!

LAURA: It's going to be so fun! Okay. I don't know how to get down off this thing. Can you--?

MATT: (creaking)

LAURA: Okay. I'm going to lead the way for all of you. Follow me and the Traveler, he's going to be there too. Okay, come on.

TRAVIS: Make way for Jester, make way!

ASHLEY: Make way!

TRAVIS: Make way for Jester!

LAURA: And the Traveler.

TRAVIS: And the Traveler!

MARISHA: Move, bitch.

LIAM: And the Traveler!

TRAVIS: Move, bitch.

TRAVIS and MARISHA: Get out the way!

MATT: As Jester begins to walk and the crowd parts to let her through, she takes a few steps and then with one step, you see to the left of her, a boot appear. And she takes another step, and a second boot appears. They are walking in tandem with her. And with each step, you see more and more of the body assemble until eventually the green cloak flows, the hood up, and there by Jester's side, the Traveler slowly apparates. And as everyone (gasps), people begin to bow their head.

TRAVIS: The Traveler!

MATT: Whispering and such. The Traveler, just barely peeks over towards you, Jester, with a smile and goes, "Well done. (clears throat)" And you both continue to walk through. Are you going along with Jester and the Traveler up this path that Caduceus had carved?

MARISHA: I run security team with Fjord and Caduceus, like talked about the night before, keeping an eye out for any shenanigans.

MATT: You've got it.

MARISHA: But not, like, the good shenanigans. Like, the bad ones.

MATT: Okay. If I could have both of you make perception checks for me, please, if you don't mind.

MARISHA: Me and Caddy?

MATT: Mm-hmm.




MATT: Okay. So you're keeping an eye out as you guys approach. The rest of you staying relatively close or you're staying to the back to watch or keep the group? What's the plan, ascending the side of this mountain?

LAURA: (laughs) That's funny.

SAM: I'll trail way at the back and make sure that nobody falls back too far.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: Yeah, same. I'll take a little bit of the back.

SAM: Or wanders off the path.

TALIESIN: No one gets swallowed.

MATT: The back of the crowd is rambunctious. There are those people at the back. You know, the individuals that created a-- my brain is not working tonight.

MARISHA: My people.

MATT: Yeah, there you go. Yeah. The individuals-- the term escapes me again-- who go in and create the party in the back of their truck in the parking lot when there wasn't one.

TRAVIS: Tailgaters.

MATT: Tailgaters, thank you. There you go.

ASHLEY: Sounds like.

MARISHA: It's a Southern-ass thing. That's why.

SAM: Matt's never gone to a sports game before.

MATT: I'm having one of those nights. But nevertheless. Where there was no tailgating parties, people brought it and they are just rowdy and "Woo!"

MARISHA: The kid's table at the wedding.

MATT: Yeah.


MATT: But thankfully between your guile and your... you, you manage to muscle them ahead and continue them heading up this path. A very easy-to-follow a path, both because the problematic elements of the stone, the jagged volcanic rock that makes the exterior of this mountain has been shaped in the places where it'd be the most difficult to traverse by Caduceus' previous work over the past week and the glowing signs and archways that Caleb has placed at different points that point folks further up this path, further up this path.

LIAM: It was a dick through a crescent moon.

MATT: Indeed. So it is a lively sound, almost like a-- we'll say a very, very pleasantly disorderly parade in the middle of Mardi Gras making its way up the side of a mountain with torchlight and the glow of these symbols on a moonless night in which the sky itself is mostly clouds. You climb your way up towards the top of the volcano. And it takes a while. And there are some moments people have to stop and drink some water. Some of the people who were really drunk at the beginning are starting to sober up a little bit because it's a lot more physical activity than they were expecting. Some people start really complaining, start being like, "I didn't know this is what it was gonna be like!" "Shut up! It's for the Traveler!" It becomes a lot of very unique flavors throughout the entirety of this journey up the mountain.

TRAVIS: The mosquitoes are intense! (laughter)

MATT: Eventually, though, you come upon elements of the freshest forms of cooled rock from the last vestiges of Vokodo's anger that create a new shelf that needs to be climbed, but because Caduceus did the footwork, there is now a tunnel that leads through and carves to the apex of the mountain. And so with that, the crowd begins to make its way through, to the platform-like top that sits along the exterior of the caldera. As you all begin to step up, you can see the faint bit of smoke and steam that does rise from it itself. There is a faint orange glow within the mountain, and as you begin to step up, and everyone begins to disperse a bit amongst the nearby rock, it is hotter in this vicinity, but not uncomfortably so. You're not getting right up to the edge yet. The crowd slowly begin to make their way up. You guide them towards the back until eventually you have almost 200 people pressed and gathered on the outside of this caldera, about, I don't know, at this time, traveling up the side of the mountain, at that point, you're getting later in the evening, pushing 10:30, 11:00 at this point, I'd say, just ballparking it.

LIAM: You said there's cloud cover at this point?

MATT: There is, yeah. I mean, it's broken in some places, but there's some heavy clouds going through.

LIAM: I was walking with Veth and Yasha at the back, and once we reach the pinnacle, I will cast Programmed Image 120 feet above the crowd's head. The illusion is a parting in the clouds, so they're seeing the starry sky, and a blue tiefling woman's face materializes for a moment, winks at the crowd, and then that tiefling face melds into a bluish-tinted crescent moon.

MATT: Now, is this Jester's face, is what you're doing?

LIAM: Yeah. Yeah.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: But spectral. You can see through it, until it gels into a blue-tinted crescent on its side.

MATT: Okay. So setting that up above about how far?

LIAM: 120 feet.

MATT: 120 feet, okay.

LIAM: I'm doing a little bit of--

MATT: Forced perspective.

LIAM: Yeah, forced perspective.

MATT: You got it. Okay.

TRAVIS: As we're walking up, can I nudge up next to Beau and say, like: One of us should keep an eye on that hoity-toity Celia?

MARISHA: Oh yeah, that bitch?

TRAVIS: Yeah, do you see her anywhere? I have a terrible--

MARISHA: Do I see her? Do I see Celia? DM, do I?

MATT: Yeah. You scan through the crowd a bit, but you do manage. It's less about finding Celia and more finding her goliath companion.

MARISHA: The guy, right, right, right.

MATT: Trudo, he's easier to spot.

MARISHA: There's Trudo. If you look just down, see that little speck of blonde?

MARISHA: There she is.

TRAVIS: Mm-hmm, okay. We should just track that.

MARISHA: I agree.


MATT: You glance over, and she's facing in towards Trudo, and she's tensing in some way.

MARISHA: Are they talking?

MATT: No, he's doing the blocking, pressed close to her.

TRAVIS: Like he doesn't like the crowd, or?

MARISHA: Like she's embarrassed?

MATT: Maybe.

TRAVIS: Her body language is--

MATT: You see her shoulders, she's tensing while facing in towards him.

MARISHA: (chuckles) Okay.

TRAVIS: Okay. I'll keep an eye on her and you stay with Jester.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Okay. So I will watch Jester's relativity in the crowd.

MATT: You got it.

MARISHA: Be her bodyguard. If anyone moves on Jester, like Secret Service-style, fucking going after them.

TRAVIS: And I'll actually use Mask of Many Faces to change the way I look and sidle up next to-- slowly move towards Celia and just keep that distance.

MATT: You got it.

LAURA: And then as we're going up, as we're standing there, I'm assuming I have some moment to whisper to the Traveler.

MATT: You do, you guys arrived first, and it takes a while for folks to spread out and it's not like it's flat ground here. It has some rockiness to it, and you guys are standing at the precipice, where the folks are gathering 10, 15 feet down the incline, and spreading out in this larger shelf where it'd be the easiest place for that many people to gather safely.

LAURA: Okay. So what's the plan, Artie? Like, are we waiting till the last person has thrown it in before we give the big reveal?

MATT: "I would imagine so, otherwise they're just left holding their dicks in their hands." (laughter)

LAURA: Is it going to be you? Are you going to do it? Are you going to, like, turn into her?

MATT: "I'm planning to, yes."

LAURA: Okay, okay, okay.

MATT: "This should be a performance, a presentation."

LAURA: Well, yeah.

MATT: "You and me can speak back and forth. Just riffing off of each other."

LAURA: I love it, okay.

MATT: "You begin the introduction, I'll begin to speak, and we'll just throw it back and forth and see where it takes us."

LAURA: I love this.

MATT: "All right, all right. I'm excited. (chuckles) (exhales) All right."

LAURA: Welcome, one and all.

MATT: And your voice carries. There is an enhancement. Like, Thaumaturgy gives you a little bit of volume, but this, as you speak, and you guys catch this, Jester's voice is omnipresent. It seems to almost erupt from the very rock you're standing on around you. It is pretty cool, as she'd say. (laughter)

LAURA: The Traveler, as you can see, is pleased. If you would one at a time-- you last, Blondie-- come up and throw your recently procured dicks into the volcano, so that our ceremony may commence.

MATT: "Indeed. With each gift of these finely crafted instruments, the volcano symbolizes the destruction of things not yours and reborn into..." (whispering) "I'm having a hard time following this one."

SAM: What do the dicks represent?

LAURA: The dicks represent...

MATT: "We should have gone over this. That's my fault for not asking."

LAURA: (whispering) No, it's okay. (normal volume) The dicks represent our tie to this material world. What we hold dear here on Exandria.

TRAVIS: Exandria, yeah. What we hold dear.

LAURA: By giving up your dick to the volcano, you are showing your commitment to helping the Traveler attain his greatness.

MATT: "And let's be honest. How many of you are from the Dwendalian Empire?" A number of hands raise.

SAM: Ah!

LIAM: Woot.

MATT: "Down with the patriarchy."

LAURA: (laughs) (forced laughter)

LAURA: Okay, okay, let's get it started. All right, all right. First dick. You, come on up here, throw it in.

MATT: Everyone kind of like, "Uh." One by one, they all, just kind of confused, start ascending the pathway.

MARISHA: What's the message here? So confused.

MATT: So's he. (laughter)

LAURA: I love it.

MATT: One by one, people start taking it and lobbing. Some people throw it, it doesn't quite go far enough and they have to rush up and pick it up again and throw again. And because it's one by one, every person takes, from the climb to the throw to the exit, roughly a minute or so, so you're there for like two more hours--

LAURA: Oh my god.

MATT: -- as one by one, in silence--

LAURA: All right, all right. I'm going to start going: All right, come on.

MATT: The rushing of--

LAURA: Speed it up, people, speed it up.

TRAVIS: You see dicks flying from way in the back.

LAURA: Multiples, multiples. Just throw them in.

MATT: It's great too because there's an arc and then a little (poof).

LAURA: We got everyone? Celia, got your golden dick?

MATT: The Traveler starts doing this with his finger, and you start hearing music playing, like fine violin music.

SAM: Play them off.

MATT: "Yes, yes. Joy be unto all of you. Come, come. Throw your previous... connections to this mortal world into the fire and be reborn in the light of the Traveler, light of tonight's moon."

LAURA: This, the big moon above.

MATT: "Moon above. Yes."

LAURA: Tricky, tricky moon. (laughter)

MARISHA: (wheezing) This is such a disaster. (laughter)

MATT: Slowly it dwindles down to the final moments until it is just Celia there at the end.

LAURA: Come on, Celia, we're waiting for you.

SAM: Speech! Speech!

MATT: "Indeed, the winner, the one who found the golden phallus granted by the high priestess herself, the glory of throwing--"

LAURA: Your favorite! My voice carries. Your favorite.

MATT: "My favorite. The high priestess gifted upon this one the golden phallus. Now, please step forth and show us all how it is done, Celia." And she looks over. "I'm all right. There's been plenty of dicks thrown tonight. I'll just..."

LAURA: Come on, Celia, we got to finish the ceremony, this is important, come on. (laughter)

MATT: (sighs) She steps up in her finely-tailored leather boots and her little waistcoat.

ALL: Throw that dick! Throw that dick!

MATT: She approaches the edge, her-- (laughs) --shorter blonde hair pushed over to one side. The wind that's picking up, the hot wind from inside the volcano caldera, pushing it against her sweaty face, the under orange light glow. She (breathing heavily), her eyes look over somewhat nervously towards the Traveler, and he goes, "Trust in me, child." She nods and smiles, and with her other hand, wipes the hair from her face and goes, "Of course."

MARISHA: Okay, am I watching this?

MATT: You are.

MARISHA: I can read their lips? Because I've got Observant?

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: Okay. I'm going to start just moving my way closer.

MATT: Okay.


MATT: She goes, "You're right. I trust you." There's a silence and a hush. She looks down at the golden phallus in her palm, clutches it with finality, clenches her jaw--

MARISHA: Jester.

MATT: -- and goes into a run

MARISHA: No, no!

MATT: -- towards the volcano.

MARISHA: I run after her and I'm going to fucking tackle her! (laughter)

ASHLEY: I start making a run for it.

LAURA: What?! What are you doing?!

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Beau!

SAM: We're protecting!

MATT: Okay. Okay. As she begins running towards the edge of the volcano with the golden phallus in her hand, you and Yasha, who are very fast, rush up and both make an athletics checks for me, please. (laughter)

LIAM: I like personal safety.

TRAVIS: You're going to kill her! (laughs) Because you glued a dick to her hand!

SAM: Gun, gun, gun!

ASHLEY: Is she jumping in?

MARISHA: Is she jumping?

SAM: No! She's not jumping in.

MATT: She's getting a running start to throw.

SAM: She's trying to throw the thing.

MATT: But go for it. (laughter)

MARISHA: Oh no, I rolled a natural 18.

MATT: Okay.



MATT: She hustles past you and then--

SAM: Shooter, shooter!

MATT: -- gets tackled into the rock by Beauregard, and everyone's like, "Wha-- whoa!" in the crowd. They're all watching.

TRAVIS: Full-on tackle?

MATT: Yep.

TRAVIS: Decleater.

MATT: She's on the ground coughing.

LAURA: Beau, what is--

MARISHA: You were going to fucking jump?

LAURA: What are you doing?

SAM: Beau, what happened?

MARISHA: Shut up, shut up! Were you going to jump?

MATT: "No, of course--!"

MARISHA: What the fuck? What's your deal?

MATT: "I was doing what everyone else was doing."

LAURA: Beau, she's the final dick. It's important.

MATT: "I'm the final dick."

MARISHA: Don't throw yourself into the volcano, okay?

MATT: "Okay."

MARISHA: You weren't going to throw y-- don't do that.

MATT: "No."

MARISHA: And if you fucking fuck with any of this shit--

MATT: Her face is scraped up on one side from where she hit the volcanic rock when she fell.

MARISHA: Okay. I might've misinterpreted your actions. (laughter)

ASHLEY: I thought she was going to run and jump in, I was like, I'll fly in and grab her.

TALIESIN: That's fair. (laughter)

MARISHA: Okay, do your thing. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Just for the practice. (laughter)

MATT: I'm so happy! (laughter)

MATT: Traveler Con is everything I wanted it to be!

LIAM: Caleb from the back casts Major Image again and from out of nowhere, green curtains just close in front of them.

MATT: As you help her back up.

MARISHA: I help her back up.

MATT: There's scrapes. Pulls away. Steps back to where she started.

MARISHA: Sorry. Sorry. Throw that dick.

MARISHA and LAURA: (chanting) Throw the dick!

MATT: She runs again. Throws, and it doesn't go. (laughter)

MATT: And she tries again, and it doesn't go. She tries again and again and again, and at this point, all the energy's deflated out of the moment.

LIAM: This is such a 2020 mood. (laughter)

MATT: She looks back at the Traveler, and he goes, "Gotcha." (laughter) "Ah!"

LAURA: I'm going to walk up to Celia and pat her on the shoulder and say: I hope you enjoy your present. It will last you for your entire life.

MATT: And she just storms down the ramp, in your direction.

TALIESIN: We've all made an enemy that will kill us all tonight. She'll be the end of us.


MATT: The girl with the golden dick. The best Bond villain,

MARISHA: Cynthia Dickfingers.

SAM: How appropriate to consecrate this event with a great prank!

LAURA: Exactly.

MATT: "Indeed."

SAM: Hey!

MATT: Now at that, everyone goes, starts cheering loudly, as Celia just pushes through the crowd and makes her way down the mountain alone, with Trudo catching up to her.

LAURA: Can you make it look like green fire's coming out the volcano? Behind us?

TRAVIS: Major Image, green fire, behind us, coming out of the volcano.

LAURA: Yeah. And as the fire grows, I say: Now is the moment that you've all been waiting for, where the Traveler will show us what he truly is. Who he truly can be because of all of your commitment.

MATT: The rock quakes for just a moment and the Traveler stands there, puts his arms out, and he reaches up and pulls the hood back, and as the shadows unveil, you see this fair, somewhat sky blue skin, this pale white hair that tumbles past the shoulders, and as the cloak falls away, you can see beneath these beautiful robes on a feminine form. The voice emerges once more, but is different than the Traveler's. "My apologies. But this was the only way to guide you all to the right path. The Traveler is but one aspect of myself." Right."

LAURA: Yeah. I'm going to take off my cloak and bow next to ... her and take her hand.

MATT: "I've guided you all here, for I wished you all to be the first to know that a new avatar to the Moon Weaver, Sehanine, walks amongst you, and has guided you all to find each other, to find community in the light of the moon," and gestures up towards the illusion, and everyone looks up towards it. (gasps)

LAURA: I'll stand up next to her. You. You are the chosen few. The Moon Weaver has found us to lead her new sect. How special you are!

MATT: "All of you. All of you are my chosen. And all that I ask is that you give your lives of prayer and piety to the night sky."

LAURA: Let chaos reign.

MATT: "Yes, let chaos reign." (as crowd) "Let chaos reign. Let chaos reign."

ALL: Let chaos reign.

MATT: (as crowd member) "Why didn't you just tell us at the beginning?" (laughter) (as Artagan) "Because indeed, as the goddess of trickery, is it not the greatest trick to have convinced you I was something else?"

MATT: (muttering)

LAURA: She's good.

MATT: (as other crowd member) "That's right, shut up, Stan." (as Stan) "Jesus, I didn't..."

TALIESIN: Jesus, Stan, God, come on.

MATT: (as Artagan) "But it is here that I wanted you all to find each other, and know that even if I cannot be here for all of you, I will always be watching in the night sky." At that moment, the moon illusion vanishes.


MATT: The clouds off to the side begin to part.

LAURA: Oh no.

MATT: And you see a full white moon behind where the clouds separate. Where there shouldn't be one. Everyone goes, (gasps) wow!

LAURA: Gotcha again. (laughs)

MATT: You watch as the Traveler looks at you and goes, "I didn't do that."

LAURA: What is this?

MATT: "I didn't do that."

SAM: What?

MATT: "Indeed--

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

MATT: "-- a great--" and you see as these beams of moonlight cascade down past the open parting of the clouds, these gossamer silver strings, like beams that turn into white chains and (whooshing) rush towards the Traveler, wrapping around. "(cries out) I--"

LAURA: No! Can I hold onto him?

MATT: Yeah, you go ahead and grab on

MARISHA: Jester.

SAM: Oh!

MATT: "My ascension is at hand. (aside) What is happening? What is happening?"

LAURA: What's happening? Stop it!

MATT: You see a shape begin to descend and you see these white wings.

SAM: Use the hand.

MATT: And you see a feminine figure of blue skin, angelic in visage, silver hair, but in a long mohawk that drifts behind, and these flowing robes, blue skin, very reminiscent of the symbols and the descriptors of aspects of the Moon Weaver, Sehanine herself, flies down, sword at one side, whip on the other, and as the hand's extended, this feminine form's voice shakes out louder than yours and the Traveler's combined around the top of this mountain and says, "This being speaks in absolute falsehoods. It does not represent the Moon Weaver or any of her divine children. Misdirection and bold lies hold different sides to a mortal and moral coin. This one lies and has lied to you all for some time. It would seem." As it descends, the white chains wrapped around. You watch as the visage begins to vanish of the Moon Weaver and now back to the tangled orange-red hair of the Traveler. (as Artagan) "I've done nothing of the kind. I've been very upfront with these people. I was trying to do you a--" and the chains now wrap around his mouth. (muffled words) You see him struggling.

LAURA: Please!

MATT: You've never seen the Traveler this helpless before.

LAURA: Please, please? He was just bringing you some new followers is all.

MATT: "This one, known as Artagan, is a wily renegade, having fled from his binds before. While she can appreciate trickery, she will not stand for terror done in her name." You watch as the chains tighten and he begins to be pulled up into the air towards this entity. "He will be dragged back to the fey where he once came and we'll deal with his transgressions there, as was intended by his brethren." And that's where we're going to take a break. (shouting)

MARISHA: Oh shit! Oh my god!

LIAM: That planar being is stealing your fake god!

LAURA: (shouting)

MARISHA: Holy shit!

MATT: So we're going to come back here in just a few minutes, We're going to take a quick break and we'll see you guys here shortly.

LAURA: Oh boy, oh boy.

MARISHA: Artagan.


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MATT: (VO) In the world of Critical Role's Exandria, a fresh conflict threatens to tear the continent of Wildemount apart as the Dwendalian empire and Kryn dynasty prepare for war. Hidden in this vast landscape are secrets that could end the conflict and usher in a new age of peace, or burn the world to a cinder. In the Explorer's Guide to Wildemount, players and Dungeon Masters will find a whole new continent to set their Dungeons and Dragons stories, with new adventures and monsters unique to the setting of Critical Role. Players can use the new Heroic Chronicle to create backstories that link their characters to Wildemount and grow in power with new subclasses, spells and magic items, including the reality-bending magic of Dunamancy, and the Vestiges of Divergence, which grow in power with their wielder. Order now on and receive exclusive bonus content and player and Dungeon Master bundles with everything you need to start your own adventure. Delve into the world of Critical Role in the Explorer's Guide to Wildemount.

LAURA: (VO) Hey Critters, Laura Bailey here. Let's see what's up in the Critical Role shop. Ooh, look at this. Look at the details, oooh. It's so cute. I can't handle it. Darling, I recommend buying two. One for you and another for you. Let's be honest. You're only like five clicks away from owning this. Maybe more, if you have a lot of windows open on your browser, I don't know your life. This is, this is a lot of stuff, you guys. We have like so many cool things right now. All this and more, now available in the Critical Role shop. (jazzy music)

(rock guitar music) (cheering)

SAM: Yeah, we did! Yeah!

DANI: Sam Riegel, you just won the Super Bowl. What are you going to do now?

SAM: I'm subscribing to Critical Role!

DANI: Wonderful. And that's-

SAM: It's about perseverance, like remembering to resubscribe with Twitch Prime every month. Yeah!

DANI: Well, could you-

SAM: Have done it without my teammates? Come on, no way! And they couldn't have done it without the Twitch subscriptions that I gave them. Right, guys? Yeah!

DANI: Okay Sam, but what about-

SAM: Oh, what about, what about what inspires me, you mean? Well, Yee-Haw Game Ranch really does. I mean, watching that dehydrated piece of string cheese Brian Foster every couple of weeks really gets me pumped for the big game!

DANI: Sam, hold on, we have to-

SAM: You can't believe it? You can't believe it, is that what you said? Well it's true, because every Yee-Haw VOD is instantly available as soon as you subscribe! It's amazing.

DANI: Sam!

SAM: You did it, guys.

DANI: Sam!

SAM: Yeah.

DANI: Sam!

SAM: Yeah! What, sorry.

DANI: Just say "I'm going to Disneyland." You're doing a commercial for Disneyland.

SAM: Oh. Uh... What's a Disneyland? (whistle blowing) I don't know, I gotta be honest with you. Oooh! I got hit in the head pretty hard out there. Oh my God. I'm not good at sports.

(crowd groaning) (crowd cheering)

Part II[]

MATT: And welcome back. So, as you all stand at the edge of Rumblecusp, looking at these white pearlescent chains that wrap around both the body and the mouth of the Traveler in his true form revealed, dragging him up towards this celestial being that is descended from a nonsensically apparated moon in the sky, calling him for his lies amongst the populous of followers there. What do you wish to do?

LAURA: Can I grab onto his feet? Is he being pulled away?

MATT: Yeah!

LAURA: Yeah, I'm going to hold onto his feet.

MATT: Okay. You feel your feet lift off--


MATT: -- and you are now dangling.



LIAM: I will throw Cat's Ire out and grab ahold of Jester's legs with the cat's hand.

MATT: Okay, go ahead and make an arcana check for me. Actually, sorry, this is not arcana. This would be a d20 plus your intelligence modifier.

LIAM: 27.

MATT: 27! Jester, are you going to let go?

LIAM: Sorry, intelligence modifier?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: I got that wrong. 23.

MATT: 23, okay. As you're clutching onto the legs of the Traveler, lifting up off the ground, you feel your body now clutched by, and you don't even know what it is at the moment, but something is holding you back, and it's holding you intently. Do you continue to hold onto the Traveler--

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: -- or do you let go? Okay. The chains become taut.

MARISHA: Am I still nearby? From where I tackled blondie?

MATT: I mean, you're nearby. Jester's about 10 feet up in the air, yeah.

MARISHA: Can I move over to Jester?

MATT: You can move under her and leap up to climb her. But she's currently grappled by the cat's claw.

MARISHA: Just move under her.

MATT: Okay, move under her.

TALIESIN: I'm also going to cast True Seeing.

MATT: Okay. The celestial being, hand out, goes, "Do not grab on. Leave this creature to its fate."

LAURA: Please, no!

MATT: You watch it as it flicks a hand, and what level is your...

LIAM: What level is the spell?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: It is--

MATT: Is it 3rd-level?

LIAM: -- fifth.

MATT: 5th-level?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: Okay, yeah, no problem. The cat's hand is dispelled and vanishes, and the chains begin to continue to pull him up away. Jester's now 15, 20 feet up as the creature is just, pupilless, these shimmering, white glowing eyes against the blue skin, the puffed long white-silver mohawk, the wings (whooshes).

LAURA: I'm just shouting up to the creature like: Please just-- you know, you don't have to take him. Just let him go. He's real nice. He's really sorry for what he did. But we think that the Moon Weaver's super great and stuff.

MATT: As still being dragged up, the crowd is just silent and still as you all are looking up. You're casting True Seeing. You do see this entity. Its form does not change with the True Seeing, but there is a magnificent glow around them. There is-- this entity has been entrusted with quite a bit of divine power. That is, when the True Seeing goes off, you have to squint almost. It's very bright.

TALIESIN: Nothing weird with the Traveler right now?

MATT: Nothing weird with the Traveler.

TALIESIN: All right.

MATT: Beyond just being diminished, ever so slightly.

TALIESIN: We are in over our heads.

ASHLEY: I'm going to move to stand under Jester, just in case.

MATT: Okay. Jester is now about 30 or so feet off the ground, as the chains slowly begin to tow both the Traveler and her up towards this moon, and the creature just stays there, still flapping the wings, not even paying attention to the rest of the crowd below in hushed silence.

TRAVIS: I'm going to cast Hex on Jester, and I'm going to use my bonus action to use Relentless Hex and teleport 30 feet to where she is.

MATT: Okay. All right. So casting it, the shadows around-- where the moonlight is hitting her, the dark shadows behind her body wrap around and create this strange harness of dark shadow energy that swirls and wraps around her torso. As it's cascading and almost licking the back of the Traveler's legs, like surf against the edge of a shoreline. As you rush up, she's about 35 or so feet off the ground. So you run and you leap where if this doesn't work, you might be heading towards the lava below, and then (whooshes) and appear right up towards her.

TRAVIS: I just grab onto the back of her shoulders. I know I'm not strong enough to pull you off. You have to let him go.

LAURA: No! No, no, no, no, no.

TRAVIS: Jester, we knew this might happen. He's played in things that are larger than him. You cannot go with him.

LAURA: But he's my best friend!

TRAVIS: I know, but we are here for all of you. You need to let go. We will catch you.

LAURA: Oh no. Artie?

MATT: You look up and his eyes are wide and "(muffled yelling)".

LAURA: I know, I'm going to get you. I'm going to get you free, okay?

MATT: (muffled, panicked speech) The creature's still looking forward, as he just begins to slowly pull up closer and closer. It reads no emotion on its face, just presence.

LAURA: How do we make it right? How do we fix it? How do we make her let him go?

MATT: You shout this towards the--

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MATT: The head turns towards you. "Why do you cry for this one?"

LAURA: 'Cause he's my friend.

MATT: "This is a selfish creature."

LAURA: He's been very, very giving. And he really likes his freedom.

MATT: "Freedom, you say." And the creature looks down upon all these entities. "The freedom to manipulate. The freedom to guide, to twist and shape the perspectives of those who do not know better. To take the form of my god, and speak falsely of her name."

LAURA: (tearfully) When you say it like that.

MATT: "Why do you cry for this selfish creature?"

LAURA: 'Cause I love him. (crying) I do.

MATT: See the brow furrows in disdain as it looks over towards Artagan. Who's still just (muffled speech). Like nudging. (as celestial being) "And what is this?"

LAURA: A mistake.

MATT: "There are very few times in history that those of pious gift carry themselves to the edge of a fiery death. You tell me this was not the intent of this creature."

LAURA: He just wanted to have some fun. It got out of hand.

MATT: "And who are you?"

LAURA: Jester. That's all.

MATT: "Are you willing to carry this penance as well? For to hold onto these chains is to accept them. Do you love him this much?"

LAURA: I look at Artagan.

MATT: (as Artagan) "(muffled grunt)"

LAURA: I look back at Fjord.

MATT: Artagan closes his eyes, takes a deep breath through the nose. Make a strength check for me.

LAURA: 14.

MATT: Not pain, but force strikes you in the chest, as Artagan has kicked both you and Fjord off of him. As you fall back, losing your grip on him, you see in his eyes a resignation, but a smile under the chains. You're both falling.

LIAM: I cast the Feather Fall on both of them. They hadn't made it beyond 30, 40, 50, 60 feet?

MATT: At this point, they're about 60 feet up, so--

LIAM: Okay, so as soon as they are right at the cusp, I'll cast it on the two of them.

MATT: Okay. You begin to glide back down

SAM: Towards the lava, or towards the--

MATT: It's precarious.

LIAM: Just do this.

LAURA: (laughs)

MARISHA: I grab Yasha's hand. Basket catch?


MARISHA: We just make a little basket, cheerleading style.

MATT: As you guys are brought down, you can see now the chains as they begin to pull him up towards the moonlight. The silhouette against the moon, showing that wild mane of hair. The shadow now where the face looks towards you, shoulders slumped, as the vibrant radiant chains that wrap around him give off their own intense glow. His legs and feet just dangling as the cloak itself flows with the breeze. And you swear you see a tear. And the chains come to a halt. And the celestial creature looks over towards Artagan, and flies over, looming over his form. "Have you learned your lesson?" The voice now deeper and richer, though still feminine, but even for a creature this awe-striking, it is not their own. They are but a mouthpiece for this new voice. Artagan looks up for a second. (as the Moon Weaver) "Good. Be careful with whose realms you prod and poke. You're not beyond reproach, Archfey." And the chains release and draw back up towards the moon. Artagan just goes into a free fall.

SAM: I will cast Feather Fall on Artagan.

MATT: As Artagan-- for the first time you've ever seen him truly shaken and speechless for the experiences that you've had and for the lifetime that you've spent off and on with his presence, just dumbfounded and silent as he glides back down to the edge of Rumblecusp. As the celestial entity flies over the group of nearly 200 followers, that voice comes through once more. (as the Moon Weaver) "There are many who seek to bend your trust. Some for good, some for gain, and some just because they can. Be careful who you put your faith in, for not all have your best interests at heart. But if you do indeed seek guidance, then know that through the shadow and light of the night, there is one that can watch and keep you. I carry no lies for those that show me love." And begins to fly up back towards the moon. As you see the silhouette of this flying celestial creature begin to just faintly blur against the very intense, bright white light of Catha, the moon fades, and is gone, and there in that break in the clouds you just see the twinkling of stars against the night sky. Artagan, his feet touch the edge of the volcano and the crowd is hushed. He looks over towards the crowd. He looks towards you. "And that is why you worship the Moon Weaver. Because, if I'm going to be frank, I can't do that. (chuckles nervously) Good night, everybody." And he just walks away. Everybody's just like, looking up.

LAURA: (claps) (scattered clapping)


LAURA: What a show. That was really a good show.

MARISHA: Traveler Con is dope!

MATT: There's some murmuring through the crowd now and some people just look a bit shellshocked. Some people look a bit ticked off. Some people are like, well, back to drinking. And slowly the crowd begins to make its way back down the path of the mountain. Some subtle arguments break out in the crowd. Some people get unruly, but then others kind of tamp it down. It's an odd mixture of energy. Not what you expected.

LAURA: I give Fjord a hug.

TRAVIS: You shouldn't have to pay for his mistakes. Do you want to talk to him?

LAURA: I think he wants to be alone right now.

TRAVIS: I think Jester could use a hug. Put my arm around her, pull her in.

MARISHA: I just move in.

TRAVIS: Big hug.

MARISHA: Group hug.

TALIESIN: I'll go last, I got a lot of arm.

MARISHA: I grab Caleb from in the back of the group, drag him in.

MATT: You watch as a portly dwarf in simple clothing goes, "Well, I suppose if we're all getting in on that."

TALIESIN: Yeah, bring him in. Bring him in.

LAURA: He's so great, I love him.

MATT: Kellbast takes the 15-foot walk as he was one of the stragglers and comes in on the hug for a minute, too.


MATT: And eventually backs off, goes-- And joins the rest of the final moseyers that are making their way back towards the village.

TRAVIS: As they're making their way down, are there any disgruntled that are remaining?

MATT: Remaining? Remaining, no. The ones that were visibly disgruntled were the first to leave, or at least were quick to follow the energy off the side of the volcano.

TRAVIS: Maybe we just let them find their way down for a moment.

SAM: Yeah, maybe we should just keep some distance in case they want to take it out on us or something?

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, give them some time.

LIAM: They still have the crescent dicks to light their way to the bottom. Caleb waves his hands and all the other illusions around the island snuff out, except for the dick lights down the mountain.

TALIESIN: I've also got this going on for the next hour.

SAM: What's that? What's that?

TALIESIN: Oh, I just wanted to make sure that was really happening, so I can see everything for the next hour. My eyes are just chromed over.

SAM: You can see everything?

TALIESIN: I can basically see everything right now. It's a lot.

SAM: Whoa.

TALIESIN: You know.

MARISHA: Yeah, I've been there before. Yeah. Do you see the little floating fish thing that just-- the fish that are just always there?

MATT: Right now, at the top of this mountain, not in the immediate vicinity.

TALIESIN: Pretty chill.

MARISHA: Whoa, I thought they were everywhere. Huh.

SAM: In case we get back to camp and everyone, or some want to, you know, kill us. Should we check in with our boat, our crew, to get off this island?

LAURA: Probably.

LIAM: Maybe we don't want to-- Maybe we want to sleep apart from the village tonight and let them sort of stew in their juices and suss things out in the morning.

TRAVIS: Might be wise.

LAURA: Yeah. I still think the bulk of them don't actually have a way to get home, unfortunately.

SAM: Oof.

MARISHA: Man, feels like this keeps happening on this island.

LAURA: Yeah. Maybe we can, you know, tell them we're leaving in the morning. People can get on the boat or whatever, if they want. We could take the big ship.

LIAM: If we can get it out of there. We have to figure that out.

LAURA: Oh, jeez.

TRAVIS: If we do, then perhaps you can send a message to someone in the village and let them know where the ships are and perhaps the best way to get the boats-- the ships out after we figure it out.

MATT: Caduceus, Beauregard, and Caleb, you do notice this high up... Just because you have super high perception. There are, down towards the entryway beach, the only reason you can see from this distance, especially without it being a moonlit night, you can see a handful of small lights, but there are a number of ships that are anchored off the island. Everyone wasn't just dropped off to never return. There are a number of ships that have been in waiting for the duration of the few days the event was going to take place. So there are some ways that at least some of these folks are going to get their way home. It is not entirely your responsibility.

LAURA: So that was a little embarrassing, you guys. (laughs)

TALIESIN: I mean, in the end, I suppose it worked out as well as it could've.

LAURA: Yeah. Guess I didn't think about how powerful actual gods are.

LIAM: I think it went about as bizarrely as we have come to expect from you and your friend.


MARISHA: It really, truly didn't disappoint. I know maybe it's too close to laugh at it, but... It was kind of spectacular, in a roundabout way.

LIAM: Yeah, no one on this island, us included, will ever forget the events of the last several days.

LAURA: That's true.


LAURA: That was pretty miraculous.

TRAVIS: He got what he wanted.

LIAM: Yeah, you threw a hell of a party.

MARISHA: It was a great party.

LAURA: It was a great party.

TALIESIN: I think it's still going on down there.

LAURA: Yeah. And... He's free. And... You guys are everything. Thank you. You did so much. Like... I wouldn't have been able to do any of it without you. It's just amazing. Thank you for, you know, all the illusions, all the crazy cool lights, and for the gun, and for the music, and the Guidance, and the drinks. And thank you for, you know, coming after me. If you hadn't been there, I probably would have just... I don't know. I'm glad you were hanging onto me.

TRAVIS: I don't think we would let you go so easy.

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: Hey, don't feel bad about this. I recognize this, and that's face of someone who feels like they were an incredible burden, but it was never that. I hope you know that.

LIAM: Everything we contributed is nothing less than what you deserve. You have given us that much 10 times over in our time together.

LAURA: I always say the Traveler is my best friend. And, you know, I mean, he is, he's my oldest friend. But you guys. I'm really glad I found you all.

SAM: We're glad that you didn't go away to heaven or whatever.

LAURA: I don't know where I would have gone, I mean--

TRAVIS: Where were you going to go?

LAURA: I don't know where they were taking us. That could have been a crazy adventure.

MARISHA: There's got to be a prison on the moon, right?

TALIESIN: That's dark.

LAURA: Moon prison? Oh man.

MARISHA: I mean, that would have been an epic jailbreak that we would have gotten. We could've gone to the moon to save Jester, you guys. Second time we would have busted your ass out of jail.

LIAM: Did the angelic being say that it was going to bring him back to his folk? I thought I remembered that--

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: Being thrown out. He was being taken back to the other Oberons and Titanias of the Feywild.

MATT: The worst punishment. To return him to his previous punishment.

SAM: You know, he's given you a lot over the years, Jester, but you just saved his existence, pretty much. So... I mean, not like you need it or anything, but you're even stevens now.

LIAM: Yeah.

ASHLEY: It's true.

LIAM: You guys have always made a good team.

LAURA: Yeah. Hey, maybe he can become a member of the Mighty Nein with us.

SAM: I don't think--

MARISHA: Well, no, I don't--

SAM: I don't think that we--

TRAVIS: It's a set number.

SAM: Nein, so it can't be ten. It can't be ten.

TRAVIS: It would be just weird.

LIAM: Adjunct. Associate.

TRAVIS: The branding's important.

MARISHA: Yeah, exactly.

SAM: We don't like your friend. I mean, we like you.

LAURA: He'll grow on you.

SAM: (doubtful) Hmm!

LAURA: He's going to be around, you guys. I don't know if you've noticed, but you're kind of stuck with him now. So he's going to be around.

TRAVIS: I think the scales are slightly more in your favor now, so perhaps he can earn it, you know, buy his way back into our good graces.

MARISHA: Mm-hmm.

TRAVIS: Whatever happens next.

MARISHA: Would he let me punch him in the face?

LAURA: He probably would, actually.

MARISHA: Because I want to so bad.

TALIESIN: He might like it.

SAM: He'll let you choke him out.

MARISHA: Oh my god, that's such a great idea.

LAURA: Yeah?

MARISHA: So original.

LAURA: I would give it some time. I think he might be a little... shaken.

SAM: Oh yeah, he seems not in a good mood.


SAM: I wonder if he's still on the island. But you know what? Also, I don't care. As long as you're okay, who gives a shit. You caught him as he was falling.

SAM: Hmm?

TRAVIS: You caught the Traveler, Artagan--

SAM: With magic that Caleb taught me, yes.

MARISHA: Yeah, I actually thought you were going to let his ass fall to the ground.

TRAVIS: Does he normally need to be caught?


LAURA: He would have been able to do a multitude of things. But thank you.

TRAVIS: Are you sure?

SAM: Sure, no-- I mean, I'm not sure.

LAURA: I mean, I don't know, maybe the Moon Weaver like, stunted his magic for a minute. I don't know.

TRAVIS: Seems odd, yeah.

LAURA: It is weird that he walked away.

SAM: He did walk away. He doesn't really walk a lot.

TRAVIS: No, he doesn't.


TRAVIS: There's a lot of dangerous shit on this island. I'm just saying, maybe if you want to send him a message and just give him a heads up, just in case he's, you know, tapped out for a moment.

MARISHA: But what about you? You're still good. You still got a little of that magic juicy juice?

LAURA: I always got a little something up my sleeve.

MARISHA: Yeah. Are you okay, though?

LAURA: Yeah? (sighs) Yeah.

SAM: Should we make camp here on the volcano tonight? Or are we going to go down and find another place to sleep? It's getting late.

TRAVIS: Looking around, it's a pretty dope spot.

LAURA: I know, it's kind of beautiful up here. We can make the dome? Can we make the dome?

LIAM: Of course we can make the dome. Always we can make the dome.

MARISHA: Swiped some rum from Kent Pluckner, so--

SAM: Kent Pluckner?

MARISHA: Plucker. (laughs) No N in that last one.

TRAVIS: He got a ner.

ASHLEY: Let's have some rum and celebrate this very great accomplishment.

MARISHA: I mean, rum on the edge of a volcano at Traveler Con?

LAURA: Right?

ASHLEY: Come on, that's pretty cool.

MARISHA: It's pretty great.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay. So you guys set up camp here at the precipice of Rumblecusp? Okay. As the night goes on, you take the rum that you had brought, reminisce about some things, tell some stories. You do see down at the village of Vo the lights and fires stay lit for the night and every now and then you can swear you can still hear a little bit of music finding its way up here through the wind. So at least there's still some semblance of celebration still going on down there. Not all is lost in that regard. As you guys are getting towards the bottom of the rum that you brought up, you see a figure approaching, and as you glance over and look in a defensive way you see a familiar green cloak thrown over one shoulder, and beneath that you can see this beautiful, deep green, billowing silk sleeves that come to these little cuffs at the end and these long, thin legs and beautifully tailored, very elvish-looking attire, and the familiar orange hair of Artagan as he steps forward. "Do you mind if I have a drink?"

TRAVIS: You have to speak to the high priestess.

MATT: "High priestess. Do you mind if I have a drink?"

LAURA: Sit down.

LIAM: There's a split second where his hand presses against the dome and doesn't go through.

TRAVIS: Yeah, fuck yeah.

LIAM: And then it goes.

MATT: He curls up in, like a friend who comes in the middle of the night to your tent when you're camping. He's like, "(sighs). "May I?"

LAURA: Of course.

MARISHA: Ah, one punch. One punch. (laughter)

MARISHA: It'll feel good. You'll like it. It'll really--

MATT: "You know what, sure. Go for it." All right, roll an attack. (laughs)

MARISHA: Terribly, for me. 15.

LIAM: It's the rum.

MATT: 15? He's letting you do it, so unless it was a one. It was more like to see if it would be a one.

MARISHA: It was more of a slapsies.

MATT: Yeah. He like, (impact sound).

LIAM: Oh, a slapsy.

MARISHA: Yeah. (laughter)

MATT: "Penance paid. Give me that drink."

MARISHA: I give him the drink.

MATT: "Well, that was certainly embarrassing."

LAURA: Could've gone worse.

MATT: "It could've gone worse. I'm... (sighs) Now that I think back, there's probably a number of reasons why I didn't interact with the Moon Weaver too often."

LAURA: She's hardcore.

MATT: "We have some crossover, but apparently-- and there's a bit of an image issue, as far as, you know, an issue with other people taking her image. But I give her credit. I now know where those boundaries lie."

LAURA: Mm-hmm.

MATT: "If she's listening."

LAURA: No more fake religion.

MATT: "Right, right. No, no, no. That was-- we've all had hobbies we tried for a bit and went, this isn't for me, right?"

LAURA: Knitting. Terrible at it.

LIAM: In the end, perhaps you achieved what you were after after all.

MATT: "You know, I think it was time someone took me down a peg."

LAURA: I'm glad you're not trapped in another realm.

MATT: "Me, too. Going home would have been terrible. Wow." It's very odd to see this entity, this powerful archfey, this creature that the mystique has surrounded the entirety of your relationship with Jester for the length that you've known her. You've seen this being do incredible things, and right now, is just a guy.

MARISHA: Yeah, I know, it's awkward as fuck.

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: "(sighs)"

TRAVIS: I'll ask the question. What next for you?

MATT: "Well, thankfully, none of this," and he points out towards the village. "This is done. I guess whatever. Whatever interests me, whatever interests come my way, come your way. I don't know. I'm not going to lie. All of that was very... (sighs) not enjoyable. But a great weight has been lifted from these shoulders. I'm excited to see what the new day brings. While I'm here, I'm also, by the way, down there and just speaking the grandiose praises of the Moon Weaver."

LAURA: Are you really?

MATT: "Oh yes. Oh, I think if we're going to do this, we need to finish it properly, so..."

LAURA: Can you-- wait, so you can actually make yourself be in two places at once?

MATT: "Well, I can make an image of myself in two places at once."

LAURA: That can talk?

MATT: "Can't you?"

LAURA: No, I can't talk as my double image, but maybe you can teach me.

MATT: "Maybe in time."

SAM: In time? She just saved you from a fucking god. Give it to her now!

MATT: "Jester, will you walk with me for a moment?"

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: Hey. I'll fucking kill you.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MARISHA: Just, if anything happens.

SAM: He's got a gun, he's got a gun! (laughter)

MATT: "As comparably diminished as my abilities may be here as opposed to my home plane, that does not leave me incapable of... No, no, I believe you, I believe you."

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, exactly.

MATT: "Thank you for the rum."

MARISHA: Uh-huh.

MATT: He takes it with him as he walks out the dome.

MARISHA: Yep. Yep. (whispers) Fuck you, buddy.

MATT: You walk with him?

LAURA: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Just walks a bit, doing this sauntering stroll, with the sloshing of the jug in one hand, and he takes a sip from it and passes it over to you. "I'm sorry."

LAURA: Yeah. That was a lot.

MATT: "Yes, it was." (muffled voice from Sam's phone)

SAM: (shouts)

MATT: "Are we being watched?"

LAURA: I think the Moon Weaver's back.

MATT: "No, but genuinely, I'm... I'm a creature of impulse. And... I know many of my good traits maybe have rubbed off on you through the years, but I'm certain a number of my not so savory ones may have done the same. And for that I'm sorry. But tonight, this... Just because one has power doesn't mean they say all, and... I was so excited at the prospect of being free from these binds I had unknowingly shackled upon myself over the years that I definitely leapt before I looked. The last thing I want to do is put you in harm's way. Or any of your friends. I couldn't let you make that sacrifice. If I was to be taken, that's my path to walk. You've already stuck your neck out far too much for me."

LAURA: I hug him.

MATT: "Ugh, emotions!"

LAURA: I know, it's annoying.

MATT: "It really is. It's insufferable. It's driving me crazy. But no, look. I know I'm frustrating, and that's not going to change, by any means, but I really do appreciate you."

LAURA: Yeah. Don't worry! Doesn't have to be so serious all the time.

MATT: "Thank god. I was just reading the room. I assumed it was one of those serious discussion things."

LAURA: Yeah, I'm glad you're not gone.

MATT: "Me, too! That would have been terrifying."

LAURA: We've learned our lessons.

MATT: "Yeah. She's a cheeky bit-- (quieter) Cheeky bitch."

LAURA: Yeah. You know. I don't know what this means for everything, but we can figure it out.

MATT: "Know what's exciting?"


MATT: "Not knowing what's next."

LAURA: Yeah, It's kind of cool, isn't it?

MATT: "I don't put much forethought into my plans. And right now in this moment, I think I am the least prepared for what's next than I've been in a long time."

LAURA: I'm going to trip him.

MATT: Go ahead and make an acrobatics check for me.

LAURA: (laughs)

LAURA: Oh, nine. Nein!


MATT: You go to trip him and it connects with his shin and he stops. "Ahh?"

LAURA: Ahh? A little prepared, then.

MATT: "Maybe a little, but not by much."

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: "Don't let me take you from your friends. I should probably talk to them too, shouldn't I?"

LAURA: Yeah, they don't like you.

MATT: "No, I gathered that. The energy isn't difficult to read, I mean."

LAURA: Yeah, I just think that they think that you are maybe a little manipulative and that you don't have our best interests at heart and that you've taken advantage of me. You know? Some of it's based in truth, but they don't know you like I do.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MATT: "They're not entirely wrong. Look."

MARISHA: So toxic.

MATT: "Hmm. No, they're right. I mean, I'm not trying to defend myself here."


MATT: "My very essence is manipulation."

LAURA: And I love that about you. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Yeah. Yeah.

SAM: What a weirdo.

MATT: "I guess I should... I guess I need to just think a little bit more about those I do manipulate."

LAURA: Yes. Also, you need to tell me how to do that spell where I can make myself appear somewhere else and really far away and be talking because that is really cool. Because right now, what I can do is limited to a certain amount of space, but it would be awesome if I could, like, also make myself, like, be in the bubble right now, talking to them and I could go in and be like: Oh my gosh, you guys, me and the Traveler just broke up.

MATT: "There are limitations as to what I can imbue within you, to an extent, but an upgrade perhaps isn't too bad. How about this--" And he begins to whisper into your ear. And as he does, you begin to feel your consciousness, expand a bit as your illusory duplicate emerges next to you, and for the foreseeable future, your duplicate can now travel twice the distance and you can speak through your duplicate.

LAURA: Oh, holy shit!

MATT: You can't speak independently. You can't like-- it's not a Programmed Illusion. You can't have two conversations at once, but you do have to be able to see it.

LAURA: Okay. Wow! This is awesome. Coming from my duplicate.

MATT: "It's just the beginning."

LAURA: Oh! (stammers) I'm going to make my duplicate go into the bubble.

MATT: Okay, It skips back to the bubble.

LAURA: Welp, you guys, the Traveler's gone forever. As I go in the bubble.

TRAVIS: How did it go?

SAM: Gone forever?

TALIESIN: Am I still having my-- is my True Sight gone or is it still going?

MATT: How long does it last?

TALIESIN: An hour.

LIAM: No, we've been drinking a lot.

MATT: You guys have been drinking. You know what? Roll a d20 for me.


MATT: On an 11+, it's still going.

TALIESIN: Nah, it's over.

SAM: Aww.

MATT: Okay, sorry.

SAM: Jester, you're back!

LAURA: Yep, I'm back, it's me Jester, I'm back! Ooh! What a talk I had with the Traveler, you guys! He felt so bad, but then he left.

SAM: He left forever?

LAURA: Yep, and I just stand there in the middle of the bubble, dancing.

MATT: I will say, Jester, go ahead and make a stealth check for me.

LAURA: Aw, shit. (laughs)

TRAVIS: Because you're talking (laughs)

MATT: Because you can speak through your duplicate; you can't hear through it.

LAURA: Oh no.

MATT: So you have to be close enough to hear the conversation, to have one.

LAURA: Right, right, right. 12.

MARISHA: (laughs)

LAURA: As I lean closer so I can hear what's happening.

MATT: So for... everybody but Veth, as Jester arrives, you can see other Jester crouching behind a rock, but excitedly leaning inward.

LAURA: (humming jaunty ditty)

SAM: Yeah, this seems like Jester to me. I love her! She's the cutest.

LIAM: You seem very broken up about it. Inconsolable, even.

LAURA: Oh, can't you see I'm crying? And my duplicate starts crying.

SAM: Oh no!

MARISHA: Did the Moon Weaver change her mind, come back, was like, "Ah, fuck you, changed my mind"?

LAURA: Right as Beau says that, the real me jumps out from behind a rock and runs into the bubble.

SAM: (screams)

ALL: (exaggerated screaming)


LIAM: Jester!

MARISHA: Oh my god.

LIAM: What's the meaning of this?

LAURA: Did it totally fool you guys? Did you totally believe it?


SAM: Genuinely!

TALIESIN: Completely fooled.

TRAVIS: Two yous?!

LAURA: With my own voice, you guys!

TRAVIS: Double prizes!

MARISHA: That is pretty crazy, yeah.

MATT: You hear a (thump) as the Traveler's hand's on the dome again. (laughter)

LIAM: Yeah, all right.

MARISHA: Wait, wait, lock it again. Just do that thing, like you do in the car. (laughter)

LIAM: I don't know if he can get caught halfway in.

LAURA: Anyway, he wants to talk to you guys.

SAM: So he didn't go away forever.

LAURA: No, he is still totally here.

SAM: Funny joke.

MATT: "It was quite a good one. Here's the rest of you." He gives you the slosh at the bottom of the jug.

MARISHA: That's backwash. I'm good.

MATT: "All right. Waste not, want not. I suppose I should apologize. I've seemingly rubbed a few of you the wrong way over time. And you have every right to be frustrated. Just know, for as much as you care to believe me, I do not want any harm to come to any of you, especially Jester. If anything, to be perfectly frank, and it hates to be frank with anyone, I took some comfort in not having to keep as close an eye on her and recent times because I knew you were all with her. Couldn't say the same for some of the other riff-raff," as he gestures out towards the village, "Watching her grow up has been interesting. No, it's been-- it's been incredible. Mortal lives are so short and yet filled with so much purpose and drive, and with the right direction, so much chaos. And yet for someone who's been alive as long as I have, I've learned so much just being in her presence. I guess what I'm trying to say is she means a lot to me as well. And if you all mean a lot to her, then in some way, I guess you all mean something to me." (sighs) Remember, it is me behind every healing spell."

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: "So I am helping."

SAM: That was very nice of you. That was very honest and real, and--

LAURA: Everyone can be best friends now, together?

MATT: (noncommittal mumbling)

SAM: She doesn't need you.

MATT: "Oh, I know she doesn't need me."

SAM: She doesn't need us either, She doesn't need anyone.

LAURA: Yes I do, yes I do, yes I do, I need you!

SAM: Nope, you're fine.

LAURA: I'd be very lonely.

SAM: Sure, but you would make it.

ASHLEY: Did you apologize to her?

MATT: "Did I apologize to you?"


MATT: "Yes."

MARISHA: Adequately enough?

LAURA: Yeah. Yeah!

MATT: "Yeah!"

SAM: Do you promise you'll never make another cult again?

MATT: "Oh, dear gods. No, never. That-- ugh."

TALIESIN: That, I believe.

MATT: "In the words of the great Sehanine, I've learned my lesson."

LAURA: (laughs) You know, I just want to point it out: with the costumes, and the curtain, and really the stage lighting, we put on quite a performance.

MARISHA: Oh, yeah.

MATT: "Oh, I'm greatly im--"

LAURA: That was some of the best theater I've ever seen.

MATT: "No, no, no. No-no-no-no."

LAURA: All theater.

MATT: "Those were performing arts."

TRAVIS: Might have to call Equity and see if this--

MATT: "No! There was no narrative--"

TRAVIS: -- meets certain guidelines.

LAURA: There was an audience,

MATT: There were not acts I, II and III.

SAM: There were, actually.

TRAVIS: Sizeable house.

MATT: "This is--!"

LIAM: There were enough people in that village to make at least Lord--

MATT: "Good night!" And he leaves the dome.

SAM: Lord theater, yes. 99 seat.

LIAM: Mm-hmm.

MATT: He's gone.

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

MARISHA: It's a lot of opinions about theater.

TRAVIS: I guess that answers a few questions of his power, though, there. (laughter)

ASHLEY: I wanted to ask him what the deal was with Celia.

LAURA: Ah, shit!

SAM: What do you mean?

LAURA: I really should have asked him.

SAM: What do you mean, "what the deal was"?

ASHLEY: She's just-- ugh.

MATT: (yelling) "She's just a dick!" (laughter) "With a dick. Forever."

LAURA: Forever?! Nott!

TRAVIS: Yeah, what--

SAM: Oops!

TRAVIS: What happened to her hand?

SAM: I glued a dick in her hand forever.

TRAVIS: When you say forever, what do you mean?

SAM: Only a Wish spell can take it off. (laughter)

LIAM: Or a machete.

TRAVIS: Are you serious?

SAM and LAURA: Yes.

LAURA: That's really what Nott did.

TALIESIN: (laughs)

SAM: This little glue I've been carrying around for a while. I've got a couple of drops left, so watch yourself while you're asleep!

TRAVIS: Only a Wish spell?

LAURA: She's got a permanent golden dick stuck to her hand. It's little! Probably only this big, like there.

SAM: She might come for revenge. She knows who you are, she knows your name.

TRAVIS: No wonder she tried to throw herself in the lava.

MARISHA: Yeah, honestly, I thought she was trying to kill herself, and now I would've let her, had I known.

LAURA: Oh my gosh.


LAURA: She sucks.

MARISHA: What cools villain name is she going to have?

SAM: The Woman with the Golden Dick.

MARISHA: You know, Celia...

TRAVIS: Dickhands!

MARISHA: Dickright! Yeah, Dickhands, Dick-- Dickfingers, I don't know.

TALIESIN: Golddick just writes itself, I feel.

MARISHA: Golddick, Celia Golddick.

MATT: Cockballs.

SAM: ♪ Golden wang, golden wang ♪

TRAVIS: Dickpalm.


TRAVIS: Right.


LAURA: What next, you guys?

SAM: What next, indeed.

TALIESIN: I-- I'm still dreaming about the Nine Eyes.

LAURA: Oh no.

TALIESIN: I don't know what direction that would be or what that would entail. And I know some of us still have business to take care of, but I feel like we can do more than one thing at a time.

LAURA: Maybe we can research the Nine Eyes. Find out more from--?

SAM: In Zadash or something? Where was the library again?

MARISHA: Well, we have several, but the one I studied at was in Zadash.

TRAVIS: And I would like to get Orly at least on the deck of that shiny new ship and perhaps set him off. With Caleb, we don't particularly need to be on it.

LAURA: It's true

MARISHA: Have Orly sail to Port Damali.

LIAM: Still have to figure out how to get that ship out of there.

MARISHA: We can figure that out.

SAM: You can move water, right?

TRAVIS: A little Odyssey of the Mind in the morning.

LAURA: Yeah! Maybe us combined controlling water-- you, me and Caduceus-- we could all move the water enough so that we could get a ship out.

TALIESIN: Also, break out some of the stone that's holding it back and open it up

LAURA: Yeah.

LIAM: I think it would be more than the water.

TALIESIN: It doesn't need to be a thing any more.

LIAM: When we went in, it was like five to 10 feet wide, or something like that? I got stuck in it as a shark.

SAM: No, that was--

LIAM: No, no, no. I almost got stuck when I went through as a shark earlier.

MATT: It's wider than five feet. It's a 20-foot-wide waterfall there.

LAURA: Yeah. And with three of us doing Control Water combined, it would be enough to move the flow.

LIAM: And the biggest ship would fit through a 20-foot gap? I thought I remember you in the past saying that we would need to do more than--

TRAVIS: Like a ship in the bottle-type thing, like the hole wasn't big enough?

MATT: If you were to split it with one person dividing the stream, it wouldn't be wide enough for the ship. Multiples? Who knows.

SAM: The water wouldn't be wide enough, but the actual cave opening--

MATT: The cave opening would be wide enough.

SAM: Yeah.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: Correct. All the ships had to get in there somehow.

SAM: Yeah.


MATT: And remember, part of the cave edges are illusory.

LAURA: Oh yeah, that's right.

TALIESIN: Maybe use some Stone Shape to try and divert some of the waterfall.

LAURA: Oh yeah! Good idea.

TRAVIS: Okay, so we'll do some research on the Nine Eyes. What else?

LAURA: Essek said he had some stuff he wanted us to do.

SAM: Lady Vess?


LAURA: Yeah, she had some stuff she wanted us to do.

MARISHA: But guess it's a bigger question of--

SAM: I mean, Caleb was talking about this with us last night.

MARISHA: Yeah, how big do we want to go in on the Assembly?

LIAM: What are we about now? I-- I-- it's true I have been feeling itchy to return to the Empire. I don't-- I am no leader and I don't control any of you, but I was hoping that you would return with us. I know how things ended on the ocean, but I know that it is not finished. I don't mean for it to be finished, but we are talking about poison in the heart of our home and it is not your home. So it's a big ask.

LAURA: You're our home. At least mine.

TRAVIS: I, personally, don't really have a home. It's been reinvented so many times. If it bothers you, it bothers me.

TALIESIN: I'm not ready to be a vigilante, but I'm at your service. There are some things I won't do, but if you know what you need, I'm ready to talk about it.

LIAM: Well, as a start, I wish to know more, which I think you could be on board with?


TRAVIS: Do you have a feeling of how you want to approach this? Well... I don't know the heart of the King, and I'm not sure how quickly who would need to assess that, but his partners are a mixed bag and it's hard to know which ones are the bad pennies or if they are all bad pennies. I feel like we need to spend some time with them. So perhaps DeRogna's invite would be a way to begin.

LAURA: Oh yeah, get in with her good. Find out what she's about.

LIAM: Get closer. See if we can get a read on her and branch out from there.

TRAVIS: Just to be clear, you're talking about taking her up on the bounty where we go north and explore the-- hmm.

LIAM: Yeah.

TRAVIS: I mean, if we have to.

SAM: What's wrong?

LAURA: (laughs)

SAM: Why don't you want to go up there?

TRAVIS: No, I do!

SAM: Why?

TRAVIS: I just think it sounds fucking thrilling.

SAM: Oh, you don't have any personal stake or anything.

TRAVIS: Nope, I just remember very well to what it was like when every day sort of blended into the next and when I'm with you fuckers, that is just not a problem. So, I'm all for it.

LIAM: Well, it's interesting also because there will be some fascinating things to be found up there.


LIAM: Stuff left behind in a bygone era.

MARISHA: Super old stuff.

LIAM: Yeah, old magic.


TRAVIS: Really?

TALIESIN: (chuckles)

LIAM: Really?


TRAVIS: That's fine. No bigs.

LAURA: That's exciting.

LIAM: And your buddy buds will still be there for you every step of the way?

LAURA: Yeah.


LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: Is he going to, like, come with us? Because he's really not invited.

TRAVIS: (choked laughter)

LAURA: Beau--

TALIESIN: Technically been--

LAURA: -- regard.


LAURA: Here's the thing.

MARISHA: Uh-huh.

LAURA: He's kind of with me all the time. He's other places, too. Definitely. But, like, when we're fighting, he's with us. When I'm healing you, he's with us.

MARISHA: I don't want to interact with him, though.

LAURA: Probably not too much.

MARISHA: Okay, that's fine, then.

LAURA: Okay.

ASHLEY: But do you have privacy?

LAURA: Oh! Yeah!


LAURA: I mean... Yeah! I guess we don't always know when he's there, huh? That's weird.


LAURA: I hadn't really thought about it as a weird thing before. It was always kind of a comforting thing.

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah.

TRAVIS: I'm sure it's not a weird thing, right? Sometimes he's too busy and stuff, so--

LAURA: Yeah, yeah!

MARISHA: Oh, there's no way it's not a weird thing. (laughter)


LIAM: Well, she's a trickery cleric. It's right on the label, so...

LAURA: Yeah. Yeah.

MARISHA: All right.

LIAM: Okay.

SAM: So we sleep here and--

LAURA: Go get a boat and then--

SAM: Okay, okay.

MATT: All right.

SAM: Anything else we need from the town before we leave or are we just going to leave, ghost.

TRAVIS: We should go mine some jewels in the really dangerous part of the island.

TALIESIN: I think there's nothing wrong with saying goodbye.

LAURA: Yeah, we'll pass through in the morning, say goodbye, and then head out.

SAM: Okay.

ASHLEY: There's part of the map we didn't explore. (laughter)

ASHLEY: One more level!

MARISHA: Always in the fog.

TRAVIS: So hard for me.

MARISHA: What about you, Veth?

SAM: Huh? Wh-wh-who? What? Who me?

TRAVIS and SAM: (monkey noises)

TALIESIN: (owl noises)

MARISHA: Oh god, this island, no. (laughter)

SAM: Monkey Island!


SAM: I would very much like to pass through--

MARISHA: Felderwin? Or no, they're in--

SAM: No.

LAURA: They're in Nicodranas.

SAM: Nicodranas, yeah.


LIAM: We could start there. We could--


LIAM: -- take a little vacation after our vacation.

MARISHA: Ah, gods, I need a vacation after this vacation. (laughter)

TALIESIN: We have a friend we can talk to about the Nine Eyes there as well.

LAURA: Oh yeah! I bet he would have some good ideas.

TALIESIN: Yeah, he might.

SAM: Also, there was this idea-- maybe it was my own and I'm saying that it was all of ours, but it was this idea at some point that you were going to try to Parent Trap your parents? (laughter)

SAM: Isn't that a thing, or am I making that up?

LAURA: No, that was a thing.

SAM: Maybe we could lay some seeds while we're there.

MARISHA: Maybe she can travel with us to Zadash. Relocate.

LAURA: I don't think she'll want to do that.

SAM: Maybe just a letter.

LAURA: Yeah, you know what? I haven't talked to my mom or dad in a while. Should send them some messages.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I feel that.

LIAM: Yeah.

LIAM: Well, it's an easy trip to Nicodranas, once we get Orly on his way.

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Good idea.

SAM: All right.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Caduceus?


MARISHA: Yasha? Any unfinished business?

TALIESIN: Like right now?

LAURA: (laughs)


TALIESIN: Oh, I'm fine.

TRAVIS: (wheezes)

TALIESIN: I'm just paying some debts now. I'm not done traveling and I feel like I owe each and every one of you and--

MARISHA: You think the Grove is okay?

TALIESIN: Yes. I'll look at it when I'm ready, but yes, I think it's-- I think it's fine. But I'll be content once I feel like everyone's on their way.

TRAVIS: So I suppose that concludes the first and last Traveler Con 3000?

LAURA: Moon Weaver Con 3000.

TRAVIS: Closing ceremonies, you know, everybody goes to those. (laughter)

LAURA: Yeah...

SAM: Yeah...

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Sunday at 9:00am.

LAURA: Yeah. We'll just let it do its thing.

MATT: Okay.

MATT: You guys sleep for the evening. Restful, exhausted, necessary sleep. In the morning, the clouds part a little bit. There is a faint mist in the air. Not the mist that greeted you, but just a cooler day. As you make your way down to the mountain, into the village, in which many folks, most folks have begun to pack up. Many of which were hungover. And it seems that through the night, just at a glance and a few conversations, much of the tumult and intense aggression that began to emerge after the strange end of Traveler Con, there was a lot of drunken philosophizing goaded on by both the Traveler himself, making the rounds through the evening celebrations and arguments, and apparently a series of faint dreams that visited many of these people that seem to guide them across beautiful silver moonlight. But therein lies a handful of folks that wish to stay, enjoying this village of Vo. Individuals that, through the Traveler, found purpose from a life that seemed to have none. One of which is an old gnoll named Covak, who has decided to stay on the island itself, but the village of Vo has blossomed once more into a good, healthy, 90 or so people.

LAURA: Are any of them looking like actual fighters, people that can, like, protect the village.

MATT: There are a handful, yeah.

LAURA: Okay, good.

MATT: Yeah, not like, you know, your scale of adventurers, per se, but there are those who are being given the rounds of what protections are still have been set by Vilya, what things to be worried about in the village. And there is definitely a preparation, a guiding class that is going on. But you go ahead and say your goodbyes, the handful of villagers that you made some connections with, such as Kellbast who joined you for the evening's hug, as well as some of the others that you had met throughout the village that are staying behind. You pack up your things and make your way to the Heaven Falls. As before, you make your way into the waters of the lagoon, and through the combined effort of the three of you controlling water, you do manage to open enough where you feel semi-confident that some of these boats can be brought through. How long does that spell last?

LAURA: Control Water?

MATT: Control Water, yes.

LAURA: Up to 10 minutes.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: So it needs to be like right as it gets there.

MATT: You can get a ship out.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Or possibly a couple of smaller ones, but are you helping get all the ships through or you just retrieving your own?

TRAVIS: I can only help with one for the day.

TALIESIN: I've got tons.

LAURA: I know, we can--

MATT: You don't need all three of you for all the ships, just for the larger, yeah.

LAURA: Just the big ship? Okay, so we'll all work together for the big ship and then Caduceus and I will work together for a few of the smaller ones.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Eden's Horizon.

MATT: Okay. We'll say over the better part of the afternoon, you were able to, with Orly and the rest of your crew--

TALIESIN: I've got six.

MATT: -- get the remainder of the ships that still stand, leaving the burned wreckage of the few in the cavern, and bring them out to past the lagoon into the water shortly offshore on the eastern side of Rumblecusp to drop anchor for those of the island that wish to keep or take them home. But Eden's Horizon is freed from its cavern prison. Orly and the crew gather up on the deck with supplies from the village of Vo, enough to get themselves back to the Menagerie Coast. Orly looks back over the rest of you, smiles his cracked, dry tortle grin. "Looking forward to seeing the lot of you back. Cap'n."

TRAVIS: She's a lot of ship. You're sure you're up for this?

MATT: "(chuckles) I know how to handle a fine woman," and he pats the side.

TRAVIS: I do not doubt it.

LAURA: I'm going to paint the side just so Eden's Horizon isn't on there any more.

MATT: What is it now?

LAURA: Officially claimed for the Nein Heroez.

MATT: Is there a new name for the ship?

SAM: Yeah.

LAURA: Nine Heroez.

MATT: Oh, the Nein Heroez? Okay!

LAURA: Nott figured it.

SAM: Got to rearrange the letters.

LIAM: Is it spelled N-E-I-N?

LAURA: N-E-I-N, yeah.

SAM: Yeah, sure!

MATT: All right, the ship known as the Nein Heroez begins to make its way--

TRAVIS: With a 'z.'

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: That's a good pun.

LIAM: No Heroez.

MATT: -- back towards the coast--

MARISHA: No Heroez.

MATT: -- the Menagerie Coast. And with that, you feel the-- for the time being, your work is pretty solidly done here on Rumblecusp. So what would you like to do?

LIAM: Want to go see your mom?

LAURA: Let's go.

LIAM: All right.

MARISHA: Before we go--

LIAM: Start drawing circles on the wood.

MARISHA: While he draws circles, I want to go up to Anola. Is that what her name was?

SAM: Yeah, the cook?

MATT: Old woman? Yeah.

MARISHA: I give her 50 gold. Remind me. I lost how much our share was, so I'll get that after the game.

LAURA: Oh. Yeah, I'll get you the number.

MATT: "Thank you very much."

MARISHA: Make this place dope. It can be a great vacation spot, like a little timeshare.

MATT: "I'll do my best, I promise."

MARISHA: Uh-huh. Maybe name this bar that we built for Traveler Con after me. You're fine with that, like the Lionett--

MATT: "The Beau Bar?"

MARISHA: Fuck, that's better! Fuck, that's better than what I had. Yeah, call it the fucking Beau Bar, that's great.

MATT: "All right. Everyone, welcome to the Fucking Beau Bar!"

MARISHA: Yes, even better!

LAURA: What if it's the BeaureBar?

MARISHA: The BeaureBar?!

ASHLEY: Oh my god.

MARISHA: That's great.

MARISHA: The Fucking BeaureBar!

MATT: "The Fucking BeaureBar!"

MARISHA: Yeah! That's great. Put a fucking plaque, if you don't mind, over it, and then maybe we'll be back in, like, a year and we'll vacation here and just, like, remember this.

MATT: "Well, I think we'd all look forward to that."

MARISHA: Yeah, I'm not saying want, like, you know, freebies or, like, a timeshare, but, like, you know, just don't forget.

MATT: "We'll deal with it then, it's fine."

MARISHA: Okay then, thank you. Yeah.

MATT: "Thank you."


SAM: Nicely done!

MARISHA: Thanks!

TRAVIS: You know, two better ideas were floated out in like five seconds. What were you going to start with?

MARISHA: Oh, like, the Lionett Bar or some bullshit.

TRAVIS: Yeah, that's dogshit. It's terrible.

LAURA: It's all you!

TRAVIS: No more names from you.

MARISHA: Yeah, my lineage is no one-- Yeah, none of that matters. Yeah.

SAM: It's nice here. We should come back, you know. It's hard to get into the V.O. community, but then once you're in, you're in forever.

LIAM: They're the nicest people, too. Jester, before I finish all of this, could we once, just a sing-- for the first time ever, please warn Yussa that we are coming.

LAURA: Oh, I was planning on it fully.

LIAM: We have planned on it every time, fully. So maybe this time we will do it.

LAURA: Okay, before I send him that message, is Kellbast still around?

MATT: Yes!

LAURA: Is he already gone? Before we go, I'm just going to go up to Kellbast and say: Where in Exandria are you from again?

MATT: "Oh, well I've moved quite a bit around the Menagerie Coast. I'm originally from Port Zoon, but I made my way up to Feolinn because the Plumgroves up there gives nice wood that you can sculpt into some very soft wood furniture.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: "You ever been to Feolinn?"

LAURA: I haven't, but we should make a trip there because you're wonderful.

MATT: "No, you're wonderful."

LAURA: I want to insight check him.

MATT: Make an insight check!

TRAVIS: He's a mass murderer. (laughter)

LAURA: I wasn't so worried. Now that I'm talking to him, I'm like, "Oh no."

MARISHA: Six more weeks on Vo!

TRAVIS: Notice this line along his jaw.

LAURA: Yeah, I only got ten.

LIAM: (like Kellbast) You can make real soft furniture! (laughter)

MATT: Come back to Rumblecusp a year from now and it's just desolated.

LAURA: Yeah!

MATT: It's just this ghost town of a village. Yeah.

TRAVIS: Heads on pikes.

MATT: He's on this giant throne of softwood furniture. (laughter)

MATT: "I knew you'd come back."


TRAVIS: I missed that supple wood. (laughter)

MATT: "Y'all need an end table?"

TRAVIS: (laughs) Ooh.

MATT: (laughs) I mean, he seems forthright, sure.

LAURA: All right, well I'm going to give him an awkward little hug and a pat on the back. All right, well maybe we'll see you in Feolinn.

MATT: "All righty!"

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: (laughs)

LAURA: He's weirder than I remember.

SAM: This is fine.

ASHLEY: Wait, is he staying here?

LAURA: No, no, no. He's going to-- he's not staying.

MATT: He's taking his trek back. He's just taking this time here.


LAURA: Okay, okay, okay. I'm going to send a message to Yussa right now! I'm going to use my message and I'm going to send a message to him saying: Hey, guess who's coming for dinner? Your favorite Nein Heroez. We'll see you in a minute! Oh gosh. I missed you so much, Yussa. I can't-- (laughter)

TALIESIN: Waste not, want not.

MATT: The response is, "Oh good." That's it. (laughter)

LIAM: Definitely on the shitter.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: All right, well then, is everybody ready?

TALIESIN: Going to stand next to Fjord as we get in our circle. Someone prayed for a miracle, and there you were. Very proud to know you. Well done.

TRAVIS: Thank you.

TALIESIN: You did good.

MARISHA: I stand next to Yasha. You never gave your answer last night.

ASHLEY: Well, I-- I want to go where you guys go. You know, I feel comfortable traveling, you know. Like Fjord, I don't really have a home. And... I'm very curious about these Nine Eyes, especially because of Molly and the north sounds fun. I will follow wherever you guys go.

MARISHA: Sticking around for a while?

ASHLEY: Yeah, for sure.

MARISHA: Let's go.

LIAM: All right, everyone. Let's go to the beach.

MARISHA: Go to the beach-beach.

MATT: As you all step into the arcane sigil, one after the other, you all find that familiar transitional, sucking sensation in your chest as you step through onto a darkened stone floor in the barely lit interior of Yussa's tower once more. There you see Wensforth, the goblin, there waiting. Kind of, "Ooh! Oh!" Leans back a bit and there, standing you see Yussa, arms crossed in his golden, bronze-ish robes, bronzed skin with a bit of a cocked head, curious grin. "All right, welcome. Are you staying or are you on your way?"

LIAM: Are you inviting us to stay for a bit?

MATT: "No, I'm just asking."

TALIESIN: Passing through.

LIAM: We are passing through--

LAURA: But we do want to talk to you about some stuff.

MATT: "All right. What do you wish to ask?"

TALIESIN: We had a bit of an encounter with something from--

LAURA: The Astral Sea.

TALIESIN: The Astral Sea. Have you ever heard of the Nine Eyes?

MATT: "I-- in what context?"

LAURA: In any context.

TALIESIN: We felt the presence of something big and alien, and I think it noticed us. It was... It was terrifying, and that's what we have is Nine Eyes. Images of bending space and bleeding walls and things that make no sense. The Nine Eyes.

MATT: "That does indeed sound terrifying. I do not know if I recall anything specific about this."

TALIESIN: I feel, much like last time, it would be something worth looking at it. If it--

MATT: "I can look into it. Just out of--"

TALIESIN: I would appreciate that.

MATT: "-- personal curiosity, as such things like you describe: generally, not good. I would like to know about such a thing. Where did you encounter this?"

TALIESIN: Oh boy. We were fighting a creature that had set itself up as a god on this island that was broken. Oh, I don't know, it was broken dimensionally, I guess. How would--

LAURA: Yeah, it seemed like he had busted through, like, trying to escape from this crazy living city thing in the Astral Sea.

LIAM: Yeah, he was shunted through to this plane.

TALIESIN: There were fragments of Water Plane and chunks of--

LAURA: So many planes.

TALIESIN: -- buildings that were torn in half. It was very odd.

MATT: "I will peruse my books and look into this and if I do find anything that matches this Nine Eye-- creature of nine eyes?"

TALIESIN: I don't even know if it's a creature. It's just Nine Eyes.

MATT: "If I find anything, I'll let you know."

LAURA: Just send the message. You know the drill.

MATT: "I'm well aware."

LAURA: I still have never gotten just a message from you. You know, like, you can just send a message to say hello, that you miss us.

MATT: "I'm what you would call not very social. Please don't take it personally. I'm a solitary creature when not having guests arrive so abruptly. I take no offense to it. So I ask you take none from me as well."

LAURA: None at all.

MATT: "Wonderful. Well, glad to see that you're safe and sound for the time being, but I was in the middle of something, so."

SAM: Oh yes. Goodbye!

LAURA: See ya.

MATT: And he leads you out of Tide Peak Tower back into the streets of Nicodranas. A welcoming sense of warm daylight. The smell of free ocean air, distinctly different from that on the shores of Rumblecusp, as well as the spices and various odd and interesting scents that come across the warm beach side wind. You hear the gulls cawing overhead, the bells of ships in the harbor, and the scuffing of foot and boot prints across the streets surrounding you. Welcome back to Nicodranas. That's where we'll pick up next week.

MARISHA: Feels good. Feels good!

TRAVIS: Yeah! Yeah!

MATT: And, also ♪ finishing the Rumblecusp arc and Traveler Con ♪ ♪ puts you all at level 13. ♪ (cheering)

SAM: Do we roll?

MATT: Yeah, we're going to roll some hit points.

LAURA: Oh my god.

SAM: Level 13, what does that do?

MATT: Unless you still have any multiclassing stuff to decide.

LIAM: Fuck no.

LAURA: Beau, the-- Marisha. The money you got?

MARISHA: Oh yeah!

LAURA: I took off the 112 gold that we each took off so that we could give money to the villagers. You're left with 93 copper, 800 silver, 2,688 gold, and 185 platinum.

MARISHA: Platinum, give that one more time.

LAURA: 185.

MARISHA: 85 platinum.

SAM: 185 platinum?

MATT: All right. Who wants to roll some hit points?

TALIESIN: I'm ready.

MATT: All right, go ahead, Taliesin.

TALIESIN: d8, right?

MATT: d8.


MATT: Five, nice! Go ahead and add that. Beauregard?

MARISHA: Ooh, seven!

MATT: Good, well done.


MATT: All right.


MATT: Aw! Well, you were bound to make a shitty roll at some point. You've had some good hit point rolls.

ASHLEY: Yeah, I have some good hit points.

SAM: Eight from a d8 for me, yeah?

MATT: For a d8, yeah.

SAM: One.

MATT: No, reroll ones.

SAM: Three!

MATT: Hey, it's better than one.

LIAM: Come on, big three. Five.

MATT: Oh, look at you!

TRAVIS: Big spender!

MARISHA: Big wizard! Yeah!

MATT: Hell yeah!

LIAM: I'm over 80, guys. (laughter)

TALIESIN: What's with all these 7th-level spells?

LAURA: Three.

MATT: Three?

LIAM: Yeah, man.

TRAVIS: I'll take my third level in paladin.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Let's see some 7th-level spells.


MATT: Nine!

TRAVIS: Very nice.

MATT: Well done. All right.

MARISHA: Oh my goodness, okay.

LIAM: Oh my goodness. So many good-

TRAVIS: So you put it in modifier?

LAURA: Put Edit, Manage Levels.

TRAVIS: Uh-huh.

MATT: Indeed, so now at 13th level, many of you have access to 7th-level spells.


LIAM: Yeah!

LAURA: Yeah, you add however much you rolled hit points.

MARISHA: Oh my gosh! I'm so excited for everybody! Yeah.

MATT: That's going to be fun.

LIAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: Real shit starts-- I don't real mean shit.

TALIESIN: Oh, there's some insane shit in here.


TRAVIS: So I'll have to get back to you on which oath.

MATT: Yeah, we'll talk.


MATT: We'll talk. All righty, with hit points rolled, you all get to decide until next session all the rest of your leveling capabilities. We'll pick up next session fresh on the streets of Nicodranas, post-Traveler Con into whatever the next wave of future and adventure The Mighty Nein finds itself wandering towards. Thank you all for joining us. Have a wonderful night. We love you very much, and is it Thursday yet? Good night.

TRAVIS: Oh man!