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Critical Role Wiki
Critical Role Wiki

List of Transcripts


MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons and Dragons, or are a little late on the draw when shouting the phrase out, Travis Willingham. (laughs) Anyway, before we get into tonight's episode, let's go ahead and jump into our announcements. Let's see here, we've got a new game called Injustice 2 that just came out.


LAURA: Wait a minute. What is this Injustice 2 you speak of?

TRAVIS: Is that the shapes and pie-making game that you play in the kitchen bakery?

MARISHA: It's like Cooking Mama.

LAURA: I watched a video today of you and you fighting, which was pretty exciting.

MATT: Yeah, we have all the Flashes covered, I think.

TALIESIN: All of the Flashes are on this show.

LAURA: That's crazy.

MATT: So who do you guys play?

TALIESIN: I play Barry Allen.

LIAM: I play Reverse-Flash. What's his name?

TALIESIN: Eobard Thawne.

LIAM: Right

LAURA: I play Supergirl!

TRAVIS: I play Tim Garrick.

TALIESIN: Jay Garrick.

TRAVIS: Jay Garrick. I wear a tin pail for a helmet.

MATT: It's pretty slick.

TRAVIS: The one Flash I don't know, really.

MATT: Next Halloween, man. Just saying. I'd love a picture of you wearing that hat.

TALIESIN: Oh my god!

ASHLEY: Yes, please.

MATT: Please. It'll be great. And I play Deadshot. Yeah, check it out, it looks really good. They had us all do really intense facial motion capture which is even funnier, considering that my character wears a mask the whole time.

TRAVIS: Did they really make you do that?


TRAVIS: With a mask?

MATT: Well, not with a mask on my face, but yeah.

TALIESIN: That would've been even better.

MATT: I assume there'll be a DLC costume where he doesn't have a mask, or they just did it to fuck with me, which I respect either way.

TRAVIS: They're in the booth, going (whispers) we're not getting any of this!

TALIESIN: Don't tell him! Let it roll.

TRAVIS: Just draw a dick-butt on his forehead; it's fine.

LAURA: Those bright lights are headache inducing, yeah.

MATT: So check it out. It's out now, it's fun! What I've seen of it looks actually really cool.

TALIESIN: I've played a little; it's fun.

MATT: They've got their RPG in my fighting game, and that's right up my alley. All right, also, because it's coming up real fast, reminder, MomoCon, May 25th to the 28th. MoMocon! Taliesin, Marisha, myself, and Brian W. Foster are going to be there for a Talks Machina panel, as well as other events throughout the weekend, so look forward to seeing you there in Atlanta, Georgia, weekend after this one. Also, I will be at A-Kon once again, June 8th to the 11th in Fort Worth, Texas. Come say hello to me there. And then, remember that Talks Machina is live on Tuesdays at 7PM Pacific Time here on Twitch and Alpha. The submission email has changed, so to submit your gif and/or fanart of the week, use So that is submit, submit! One submit, not two, that's just my psychosis. Yes. Anything else anyone wants to talk about, are we good? Move on to the game for the night.

LAURA: Oh! Farpoint came out. So if you have PlayStation Virtual Reality System, then you can get Farpoint, and I play Dr. Eva Tyson on it, and it's actually a really freaking cool game.

TRAVIS: It's fun, you shoot things with a gun. Do you have to get the gun for it?

LAURA: You shoot things with a gun, and it was a really cool script and stuff. I liked the story a lot.

LIAM: That's not how guns work.

TALIESIN and MARISHA: Are we talking about next week?

MATT: Oh, yeah, we should say that, too.

MARISHA: That's a big one.

MATT: That wasn't on the list. So yeah. So we're missing two cast members next week.

TRAVIS: Guess who's not here.

MATT: What? That's terrible.


MATT: But given the circumstance, instead, we're going to have a non-numbered episode next week, instead it looks like we're going to throw in for a new, higher-level battle royale for those who will be here to see how some of these high-level abilities function.

MARISHA: You won't be there to put my face in lava this time! I'll just have myself to do that.

ASHLEY: I know, you guys, I won't be there, so.

TRAVIS: Will Friedle won the first one, she won the last one.

LAURA: I've never done it.

SAM: I've never done it, either.

LAURA: Oh no. And you're doing it as Tary?

MATT: It's up to you; you get to choose.

MARISHA: Are you going to bring back Scanlan?

SAM: All right, Taryon's going to die in like five seconds.


TALIESIN: So if we loot Tary's body, do we get all of his stuff?

MATT: It's not in canon.

TALIESIN: No, even not in canon, in the game.

MATT: Oh, if you go to his body after he's dead, you can grab any of his shit to use it.

TALIESIN: You are a loot drop, oh my god.

MATT: As long as it's not attunement, you can use it.

LAURA: Is the helmet attuned? It is, isn't it?

MATT: I believe it is, yes.

SAM: Probably, yeah.

LAURA: Too bad. But we can just steal all of his jewels just for the sake of it.

MATT: There you go. In the alternate universe version, you are just decked out.

SAM: Do I get Doty in the fight?

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: Okay. That helps.

MATT: And you'll be leveled up to their level.

SAM: And I'll be leveled up to their level?

MATT: For the battle royale, yeah.

TALIESIN: Yeah, we level up for that.

MATT: Anyway, that'll be next week. That pushes our hundredth episode to June 8th. And it looks like we're confirmed for June 1st for our next guest, I believe.

SAM: Yes. Yes, we are. We are confirmed for that. Are we announcing that?

MATT: Yeah, sure. Yeah.

SAM: Oh, well, yeah, on June 1st, our next guest, Jon Heder AKA Napoleon Dynamite, is going to come play with us and roll some dice. Yeah.

MARISHA: My mother has never been so proud of me.

LAURA: So, did we already say that because next week is a battle royale, that means our hundredth episode--

MATT: Is pushed to the 8th, yes.

LAURA: Okay, you already said that? Was I busy rolling dice and talking?

MATT: You were. But thank you, Laura. Good looking out. I appreciate that. So yeah, I think that's all the major news, and given that, let's go ahead and dive in to tonight's episode of Critical Role.

[dramatic music]

Part I[]

MATT: Hello and welcome back, everybody. So last time where we left off Vox Machina, upon working on their bakery, the Slayer's Cake in Whitestone made it possible a new hire turned out to be a drow bounty hunter named K'rynn, who was sent here to acquire Taryon Darrington and bring him back home to the city of Deastok In Wildemount. You guys all through a series of high level magic scrying and transportation managed to cut off this specific bounty hunter on the outskirts of the city, and in doing so made an agreement to not slay her where she stood, and instead possibly make a transaction down the road. You guys then made your way into the city of Deastok to the Darrington Estate and were led up into the study of Howaardt Darrington, father of Taryon, in which you all discussed the reasons of why he was brought back, the current financial state of the family, and the intent to resolve and remedy long-standing sins of the father, through you standing up and doing your family duty, from his perspective. We left off as you guys had just finished that conversation you'd exited the study and were about go back about your business. Coming off the tension of the conversation you closed behind you with a clack the heavy wooden doors of Howaardt's study. There you have Burthold, who's standing off to the side, the dragonborn servant of the Darrington family waiting patiently and you all at this moment are at your own disposal. What do you wish to do?

SAM: Just before we move: the names that Dad had told us about to maybe parlay with in the Myriad?

LAURA: Korshad.

SAM: Korshad?

MATT: Korshad, yes.

TRAVIS: And how much was the debt? It was 260,000?

SAM: 230,000!

MATT: 230,000 gold debt.

SAM: But wait wasn't there some other name, the little--

TRAVIS: Lydia!

MATT: Lydia was who you were to be betrothed to, and the location was the Grumpy Lily.

MARISHA: I was questioning myself, I was like there was no way something was called the Grumpy Lily.

MATT: Had a stroke while taking notes in DND. Grumpy Lily!

LAURA: The Many is who we want to speak to.

TALIESIN: Just as something that happened, during that whole family conversation I was scanning the room and the bookshelves for anything interesting, anything out of sorts, anything out of place.

MATT: Make a retroactive perception check.

SAM: A retroactive perception check!

TALIESIN: I didn't want to-- yeah, I didn't see shit. I just rolled a three; that's nothing.

MATT: Rightly so!

SAM: Retrograde! You know they always say that retrograde perception is 20/20?

MATT: What?

TALIESIN: I appreciate what you were going for there.

SAM: Anyway, I would love to ask Burthold if he knows the location of my sister.

MATT: "Well, if you are looking for Maryanne, she's probably in her chambers."

SAM: All right, well, I mean I guess we can ALL walk to her room and knock on the door. It's a little weird, right?

LIAM: You want to go talk to her and touch base with her first? You can introduce us to her after.

SAM: Sure. I'll lead them back downstairs to that main room that was all awful and terrible, right?

MATT: Well, it was just dark and cold and empty.

SAM: So I'll lead them down there. This was our playroom, maybe you should just wait here and I'll go talk to sis. I'll be right back.

LAURA: All right.

TRAVIS: Is there like furniture to sit on, or is it barren?

MATT: No, no. There's furniture, and a lot of the furniture here is really well made, dark woods, fine deep red and maroon fabrics. A lot of it has dust on it.

TALIESIN: Plastic covers? No plastic covers?

MATT: No plastic covers. But a some of the furniture here is for use and some of it is just as part of the decor, and it's very easy to see which ones are which.

LAURA: I'm definitely going to sit on the ones that are just for decor.

MATT: Ok, they're really uncomfortable.

LAURA: Cool. Going to rub my butt all over it.

MATT: You leave a little butt-print in the dust. Perfect. At which point, Burthold acknowledging that you guys will be staying. "Could I get anything for you? Perhaps teas, juice, water?"

TRAVIS: What is this bullshit, no ale?

LAURA: Do you have fermented juice?

MATT: "I'll fetch the wine." And he hobbles off to acquire some means of imbibement.

TRAVIS: Should we pay him? We just found out he's dead fucking broke.

LAURA: I'd rather not.



MATT: Okay. You make your way back to the second floor and off to the far western end of the estate, to what you recall being Maryanne's chambers. So as you enter her room, which has become her own study, as you recall last time seeing her room was becoming more and more of a functional office, and as you knock and push the door open like a familiar brother does, not wishing for any patience on her end, necessarily. You can see the interiors. The bed's for function. I wouldn't say a replica, but most of it is very much resembles the decor and mood of your father's study. You see her currently sitting at a desk in the corner. Her blonde hair is tied back into a tied braid that runs down her back. She wears a coat and pants and seems to be dressed a little formally or businesslike for being casually at home. You haven't really seen her dress like this before, at least not in a casual circumstance. As you glance over past the doorway she looks up from her papers and goes, "Brother!"

SAM: Hello, sister.

MATT: "Brother, what--" She closes the book. You can see she's been looking over ledgers and catalogues. Looks like she's been doing a fair amount of work here at the desk and stands up in a very formal way and begins to step towards you. "When have you arrived?"

SAM: Just today. Father kidnapped me and brought me home.

MATT: "Kidnapped?"

SAM: Well, I'm not a kid, but still works. Abducted. Abducted me and brought me home. Paid someone to do it.

MATT: "Right."

SAM: Yes. Anyway, it's good to see you. Your room is coming along quite nicely. It seems like you're running the show now, is that true?

MATT: "No, not quite, but the responsibilities have definitely been mounting. You look well. How have the wind-tossed roads of Exandria been treating you this past year?"

SAM: Well, I have had many adventures and close calls, but I won't bore you with those details. It's been an interesting year abroad, and I would say I'm glad to be back, but for the abduction part and also I've now learned that we're now destitute? Is that true?

MATT: "We're on the path to destitution, yes."

SAM: So it's true; he wasn't just trying to guilt me.

MATT: "Probably both, to be honest. We're in a relatively dire situation compared to our previous long-standing lifestyle choices. We're trying to fix this mess."

SAM: And what would have been your plan had I not arrived today?

MATT: "Well, you were part of the plan. We're trying to figure this out the best we can and given the circumstances, we feel this is probably one the most viable and least dangerous or risky endeavors in which we can right the family's trajectory."

SAM: By marrying me to some lady I've never met?

MATT: "Oh, you're welcome to meet her. I've met her. I helped to arrange this."

SAM: What is she like?

MATT: "She's very nice. She's very pretty, a bit bookish, which once again would befit you very well, but once again, let's be honest. This is a political marriage. You do what you want. I mean, there isn't a politician or a lord of this land that hasn't in some way, shape, or form made their own life outside of the family." At this point, you noticed she gets a bit dark and seems to speak with this bit of sarcasm.

SAM: And father's businesses, are they being run the same way? With the same attention to detail?

MATT: "There's been no necessary change to the way business had been done. Other than the transition of some responsibilities, of course." And she gives this slight nod. She getting a little uncomfortable as this conversation continues.

SAM: Listen, I'm sorry to pop in like this and challenge your judgment, but me marrying this person would solve our problems long term? Somehow?

MATT: "Marrying into this family, the Truscan lot, would enable us the resources and connections to reacquire the deeds to our land, to reacquire the business elements that we've been in this unnecessary partnership with for some time, and would enable us to once again reclaim complete rulership of our family controlled lands."

SAM: Do we not own anything anymore?

MATT: "It is a partnership that's been quickly sliding into the behest of the Myriad."

SAM: So what is ours now? Anything? Our personal belongings? This home?

MATT: "We still own everything, in partnership. Own solely on our own? Some of the furniture."

SAM: And again, if I do this, what's to say we're not going to just drive up another debt again? Doesn't seem like father or you have been very good at keeping us in the black.

MATT: "I have only been recently brought into this unfortunate circumstance, brother. And you can trust in knowing that in my studies and my time spent here, working with father, being very clear, being very thorough about the mistakes he's made in the past, I will not be doomed to repeat them."

SAM: So you and he are two peas in a pod, yes?

MATT: "Well, he's certainly in need of retiring with the stress he's put upon himself. It would not be long until I will take over the responsibilities."

SAM: Well, I may poke around and see if there's another way I can help. But before I do, is this fun for you? Do you like running this business or almost running it?

MATT: "It's certainly a better challenge than many other daughters of lords are given in their time."

SAM: Do you have any friends?

MATT: "Friends come, when the money and power are in place. You know this."

SAM: I do.

MATT: "It's the way the land works."

SAM: Well, I'll leave you to your work, and-- love the decorations. I'm considering the offer and I'll have an answer for you by tomorrow morning.

MATT: "Wonderful." As you begin to make any sort of exit, she catches you and she goes, "Brother, your arrival here is a great boon to us. You have the power to change the fate of this family. Consider the respect you have for the people who have worked their entire lives to provide for you what you have been given. Mother and father have sacrificed so much for us. Consider weighing one's selfish interest versus the importance of a bloodline. That is all I ask."

SAM: All right. I'll consider it. With all my intellect.

MATT: "Well, it's good to see you." She steps forward and she gives you a half hug. Looks like--

SAM: A pat. The back pat. Good day.

MATT: "Good day." She straightens her coat and go sits back behind her desk and waits for you to leave.

SAM: All right. I'll shimmy out. (sighs) All right, I rejoin my friends downstairs. Well--

LAURA: How did it go?

LIAM: Well, yourself.

SAM: As expected. Things are about the same between me and Maryanne.

LAURA: Is she still a raging bitch?

SAM: No, she's not raging.

ASHLEY: I just think it's rather rude that she doesn't want to come down here and meet us.

SAM: She has her work and her--

LIAM: Oh, she's not coming down?

SAM: No.

LIAM: That's weird.

SAM: I mean, I don't know, she's busy. I guess.

LIAM: Okay.

SAM: They're not guest people. They're not dinner party family.

LIAM: We picked up on that.

LAURA: Not even for people who can help them with their name?

MARISHA: Did you mention us or anything else?

SAM: Nope. It didn't come up.

LIAM: Did they have any idea what a heavy hitter you are now? The type of people you roll with?

SAM: They said, how have I been? but they don't really give a shit either way.

MARISHA: So you didn't even offer up any of the information?

SAM: If they are not interested in me, why should I be interested in them knowing about me?

LAURA: That's a very good point.

LIAM: Let's back it up. What are you thinking? Where's your head at? How can we help you?

SAM: I don't know what to do. There's this woman; she's apparently nice and I can go for it and marry her, and then it seems like all my family problems will be okay.

ASHLEY: Forever?

MARISHA: There's no such thing as family problems being okay forever.

TRAVIS: Really?

SAM: I don't know. I'm sort of curious to talking to the people who are in this contract with my father and seeing if there's any way to wiggle out of it a little bit, but I don't know how to solve everything right now. I also don't know-- I feel a duty, a responsibility to this family, because they are my family.


TRAVIS: You feel a duty? The privy is over there! Or over there! Or the front yard beckons.

TALIESIN: He may have opened up a bottle of wine.

TRAVIS: I'm out for the entire rest of this conversation.

LAURA: No, he's not drunk, he may have just a bit of wine, just a small amount.

TRAVIS: I carved my name into the floor.

SAM: Part of me wants to-- oh god. Part of me wants to turn around and go back with you to Whitestone and forget that the Darringtons exist, but I don't think I can't do that. I am a Darrington and I owe it to at least to my name to try and fix what I can.

LAURA: That's your plan?

SAM: Yes.

LAURA: Don't try and sacrifice your entire life for this, though.

SAM: Well, I'll try not to but it seems like a plan B at this point.

LIAM: Also, you had no prior knowledge to your family's connections to the mob?

SAM: No? It's way cooler than I thought my family ever was. I knew my dad did shady business with lots of shady characters but I never knew-- I assumed he paid off people. I assumed he had friends in high places and people who you'd have to bribe to turn the other cheek, but I never knew that he was in business with them, owing our whole existence to these terrible people, and I don't know what to make of that

LIAM: T, I think we're all prepared to help you do anything you want to do, but are you sure you want to help perpetuate the family business?

SAM: Definitely not. Listen, I think there's two steps to this: there's the short term and the long term. We have to solve this short-term need really quickly. Not this whole 230,000 dollars-- I mean gold debt. It's a Whitestone term, I mean a Wildemount. Oh my god. I'm confused! My phone rang! Anyway, listen I've a few drinks before-- no. We have a short term problem that we can maybe go alleviate a bit if we go talk to these folk at the Laughing Ninny or whatever it's called. The Grumpy Lily.

LIAM: I like the Laughing Ninny. I want to go there instead.

TALIESIN: It's a stand-up comedy club.


SAM: And then there's a long-term problem which I'll have to solve on another day. There's a long term problem that my family is awful and need to be stopped at all costs, and that's something that I'll have to deal with tomorrow.

LAURA: Do the Truscans, that's who you are being married into potentially, do they have a son?

TALIESIN: That doesn't help! That's almost besides the point!

SAM: You're talking about marrying the sister? Yeah.

TALIESIN: Oh, that's still--

LAURA: I guess it's not the same is it?

TALIESIN: No! It's actually, it's unfortunately the opposite.

SAM: You're royalty. You know this!

LAURA: Of course, I know everything about royalty.

SAM: Little royal girl.

MARISHA: What exactly is your duty that you are feeling inclined towards? Damn it, Grog!

TALIESIN: Lilah? Is it Lilah?

ALL: Lydia.

TALIESIN: Perhaps we should talk to this Lydia as well, because she is obviously, in a position of being told what she is going to do with herself.

MARISHA: Yeah! Maybe she is also a badass!

LIAM: At the very least, we should meet all chess pieces on the board right?

SAM: I mean she lives in another part of the kingdom, right, Matthew Mercer?

MARISHA: That's not a problem.

SAM: Oh yes, that's true. But there's the in-town people we can meet first.

LAURA: Sure. Let's talk to the mob!

SAM: Yes, of course! You'll come with me? Because I can't talk to the mob by myself.

LAURA: Tary, of course we will!

TRAVIS: Wait, when you said we need to stop you family at all costs, are you talking about killing them?

SAM: No, I'm not talking about killing them.

MARISHA: Yeah, but Grog does bring up a point that I was trying to make before he started laughing when I said "duty." (giggles) But what, are you committed to keeping your family around? You said you were compelled and you felt like you had duty but then you immediately started talking about--

TALIESIN: Stop it Travis! God, I can't--

MARISHA: Tearing your family apart? And stopping them?

SAM: My family is pretty bad, I've learned. But I've also learned from young Trickfoot that even a rotten family is worth trying to save. And I admire the path that she took with her family, and I would like to at least try to push mine in the right direction and try to make our name a little less shitty.

LIAM: That is a pretty big matzo ball, my friend.

SAM: Well, that's why that's long term. In the short term, I just want to get them safe.

MARISHA: If there's one thing I understand, it's giving your life to a cause.

SAM: I don't want to die, if that's what you're saying.


SAM: Dedicating.

MARISHA: Dedicating.

SAM: Thank you.

MARISHA: Time is a gift, I would say.

SAM: Sure.

MARISHA: So dedicating that gift is, it's a big thing, but I hope you believe in it.

SAM: I don't believe in them, but I believe in the cause right now, and we'll see how far that takes us.

MARISHA: We believe in you.

SAM: You guys.

TRAVIS: Can you describe to me this duty?

MARISHA: You don't care!

TRAVIS: I think I do now. Is it real hard?

SAM: It's a little more nebulous than that, Grog.

TALIESIN: We can pass on this for now.

TRAVIS: Adjectives are not my strong suit, so.

LAURA: You know what an adjective is! That's impressive.

TRAVIS: Yeah. No, I got it one time at this tavern. I had it for two nights. It just itched everywhere.

SAM: Listen. When you see my duty, you'll know.

TRAVIS: Copy that.

LIAM: It's loose. This duty is loose.

LAURA: Should we go to the Grumpy Lily, then?


LAURA: This is going so well.

MATT: As you're exiting the house and Bertram's opening the door, you hear some heavy creaking from the stair that lead down to the main area, and you watch as an older woman in her early fifties or so with her mid-length, curly brown hair in shades of gray, green eyes behind a small set of reading spectacles, stoic of face, wearing what looks to be some sort of a finely crafted silk robe, clutching a book under her arm comes down the steps and looks down and goes, "Taryon?"

SAM: Mama?

MATT: "Taryon, my boy!" And she sets the book down and walks up, puts her hands out as she says, "Oh," takes you at the sides of the face and pulls you in for (kisses cheek). "Oh, terribly sorry. I didn't realize that we had guests."

SAM: Oh, yes, these are my allies and my friends. This is the team known as Vox Machina. They are a fearless band of adventurers and they have taken me in as their own.

MATT: "Look at you, so rugged!"

SAM: Well. Yes, I am, a bit!

MATT: "So you've had some adventures with my boy, have you?

ALL: We have.

MATT: "That's wonderful. Have you spoken with your father?"

SAM: Yes, I've spoken to Father, and sister, and it's good to know they're healthy. And it's lovely to see you, as well. Have you been happy at all, this last year?

MATT: "I--" And she reaches back and takes the book off the step and goes, "I've been making my way through your library."

SAM: Oh! Oh, my books, in my room.

MATT: "Yes! Well, I've had a lot of time to myself. Been a bit under the weather for some time, and these have kept me fine company."

SAM: Oh. That's lovely. I hope you've enjoyed them as much as I did. What's your favorite one?

MATT: "Well, not this piece of trash." And she sets it down. "There's one. What was it called? The River's Dawn. It was a brilliant--"

SAM: Before the River's Dawn, yes.

MATT: "Before the River's Dawn! That one, yes. It was a continuation of the creation myth of Wildemount, but it turned into the spirits of the gods, these two fauns, and they fell in love but could not be together because the dawn had to rise and the sun would shine. It was very, very beautiful!"

SAM: Yes, yes! No it was, but also heartbreaking at the same time.

MATT: "Very much so. It reminded me of you."

SAM: Yes. That's one of my favorites, as well.

MATT: "Well. I didn't break the binding too much, I hope."

SAM: I'll fix it if you did. It's all right.

MATT: "All right."

SAM: Well, that's wonderful to hear. I'm glad you've been entertaining yourself. I know living with Papa can be very hard, and it's been very hard on you all these years.

MATT: "If you would excuse us for just a moment, please. Just a few moments." And she points towards the door.

SAM: I told you they were like this.

TRAVIS: Yeah, no, we're going out the front door. Front yard.

MARISHA: Bottle of wine!

MATT: Bertram is leading you out of the main area, out the front door.

TRAVIS: Yeah, front door!

LAURA: Out the house, like get out?

MATT: You guys were on your way out.

SAM: Just wait on the fucking porch!

LIAM: We got it.

LAURA: Fine.

MATT: As soon as she has some privacy with you, she goes, "My boy, if you could indulge me in some strange honesty, I'm rather intrigued at this idea. I don't wish to undermine anything that we've built as a family. I've lived a privileged life for a very long time, far longer than you and your sister have. I've lived within this house, removed from the world. I do as responsibility asks of me, my wedded duties as both a wife and a mother, and I do so without complaint. I have always seen you fight these same circumstances bravely, and I find vicarious joy in your escape from this place this past year. These books are a reminder of that same bravery. I know Howaardt has said many things, and he may be right. But there's a little part of me that welcomes a little change in scenery and lifestyle. Maybe that's what the family needs. I don't know. Perhaps I'm foolhardy. I know not."

SAM: No, you're right to think this way. This year has been eye-opening for me, and I know that you care for Papa, and you are a diligent and faithful wife. But I know how hard it must have been to live this life for so many years and I wonder what it would be like if you hadn't been with him, what kind of person you would be.

MATT: "Looking at you, looking at your sister, I wouldn't change it for the world."

SAM: Well, things are going to have to change at some point, right?

MATT: "One way or another. I just-- (sighs) I just want you to make choices for yourself. I want you to do what you think is right, that you could live with. Duty and blood is one thing, but... Anyway, I'm talking out of turn."

SAM: No. Thank you. Thank you for that.

MATT: "Could you not tell Howaardt we've had this conversation?"

SAM: Mum's the word. All right. I'll be back, and maybe we'll have time to talk more books later.

MATT: "I would like that very much."

SAM: Good evening.

MATT: "Good evening." As you leave, she's like, "Oh! The other one I was trying to remember was The Mountain Range of Gold. It was a wonderful three-part series--"

SAM: When you think he's dead, but he's not, and he comes back?

MATT: "Well, the second book, you get halfway through it before he even turns and reveals himself!"

SAM: I know! Well, you never see the body in the first one, so that should have been a tip-off.

MATT: "And then the white robes and everything! His renewed power, it's incredible! Anyway, I'm sorry, you have your friends waiting on you. Good night, Taryon."

SAM: Yes.

LIAM: I want to adopt her.

MARISHA: She's awesome!

MATT: So as you step out to greet the rest of your friends?

SAM: All right, let's go to the Jumping Jimmy, or whatever it's called.

LAURA: How's your mother?

SAM: She's better. I mean, she's had a tough time. That was the longest conversation I've had with her in many years.


ASHLEY: She said she's under the weather. What's wrong?

SAM: I think everybody's super stressed out and heartsick about everything that's happening, and living under a tyrant of a father is not healthy. You should have seen me when I lived here. I was not nearly as dashing or as charming as I am now. It took me spreading my wings and flying before I found my sense of humor. My hair looks better, my eyes look better.

MARISHA: I thought you said that was because of the aloe vera.

SAM: Well, yes. We didn't have any at home.

MARISHA: Right, yeah. Salt air is better for you.

SAM: I mean, life needs aloe to live. Is something I always say.

TALIESIN: That's true.

LIAM: I've heard you say that two or three times.

SAM: Moisturizing products in general. Life needs moisturizing products to live.

TALIESIN: Life needs moisture to live.

ASHLEY: I know my beauty regimen's changed.

MARISHA: Life needs moisture to live. It's way smarter sounding.

TALIESIN: All right, gauntlet dropped.

LAURA: All right, to the Laughing Ninny it is.

MATT: All right. Who's leading this charge? Probably you, Taryon.

SAM: I know the place.

LIAM: You are in charge while we're here.

MATT: You've never been to this place. You've heard of it, but you'd never be seen dead in a place like this before. You lead your way in. At this point, because when you arrived the sun was still in the sky, but it was deep in the sky, so by now it's post-dusk. You now see the massive stone and wood structures of Deastok are dark against the ever-dark sky with the windows now aglow, this warm yellows and orange of the candle and lantern-lit interiors. You can see there are hanging lanterns that are put out there, and you can see a number of individuals who seem to work for the city who go and hang these lanterns up in each of these poles are now finishing their job and are returning to the evening. Following these lamps, along the street, the cobblestones are still really well kept for as old as this town seems to be. For a city that isn't a major metropolis within a kingdom, and what your experience has been in Tal'Dorei, a fair amount of money still makes it way through this city. Eventually, you find your way fairly far north into the city until you come across the exterior of the Grumpy Lily. Asking a few questions to guide you to which way it is, it's much smaller than you expected. You see what appears to be a single-story pub with one window, one door, no more than maybe 30 feet on any given side. It is lit from the inside, though it's dimly lit. As you approach and push past the somewhat ajar entryway, you see before you what appears to be three tables. Three singular, stained, brown tables. One lone patron sits at the center table, an elderly man inspecting a small, clay sculpture that he's enraptured by, and a single barkeep to your right that seems to notice your entry. A healthy, pale woman of brunette hair in her forties, dressed in a simple gray blouse. As soon as you enter and take in the atmosphere, she goes, "Slow day, folks! Happy to have the business! What can I get you?"

LIAM: Jeez, Grog, I don't even know if you're going to fit in here.

TRAVIS: Yeah, it's really tiny.

MATT: Your head does reach the ceiling.


LAURA: Just dive in then?

SAM: Should we get anything to drink first? Or just dive in?

TRAVIS: Yeah, it's like how you have to buy something to use the restroom.

MARISHA: Do you have a shiraz? I was just wondering if you had any imports. Do you have a red wine?

MATT: "Yes! That I can get for you, dear. Don't worry. Red wine we can do definitely." She walks over and slams her hand on the side of the bar and what you thought was once the patron now appears to be the one barman there. "Wait! What! Oh. I missed the conversation."

TRAVIS: Oh the guy with the sculpture?

MATT: Yeah. "Red wine, for our guests."

"Oh." He stands up and begrudgingly walks over. You see his back is hunched forward and he's (pained grunting). Leaves the room for a second.

"Well, sit down, find a place wherever you like."

SAM: Put two tables together I guess?

LAURA: All three, really.

MARISHA: Let's just take them all.

TRAVIS: Wait, this is the meeting place of a dark group right? A shady group? Shouldn't we check this area for anything shady?

TALIESIN: Is there shade in this establishment?

MATT: It's dimly lit, so there's plenty of shadows.

LIAM: It's a five-by-five square. Do we see anything amiss? Oh, that's terrible. 24.

MATT: Nothing seems amiss. It seems like a shitty pub. It's the definition of a poorly-attended dive.

LAURA: Does it look like there's any seams on the ground that would be a trapdoor or anything?

MATT: You can make an investigation check if you want to.

LAURA: 17.

MATT: You begin to look around the floor and keep perspective around the area. No. You see some stains, you see some crumbs, and at one point you look over in the corner and you see what appears to be a piece of stale bread that's been left under one of the tables and there are three rats currently eating it. As soon as you lean in, they all stop and look at you and scatter.

LAURA: Oh, you can keep going.

TALIESIN: Could be worse. They could not be afraid of you.

LAURA: That's true.

MATT: (laughs) They just give you the fuck you look and keep eating their bread.

TALIESIN: That's when you know you've really found the right bar. The rats were like: "We reserved this table two weeks ago. You have to make a phone call."

MATT: The elderly barman walks in now and he's got two bottles of red wine and he's shuffling. (grunts, clinks) "I'll get your cups." Turns around and starts shuffling back.

LAURA: (laughing) Do you need any help?

MARISHA: I mean we have-- Oh, it's fine.

TALIESIN: Just let it happen.

SAM: Okay. Who do you think we proposition here? The old man?

LIAM: That guy.

SAM: That guy? Really? What makes you say that?

TALIESIN: Shifty eyes.

LIAM: Shifty yeah, may be an act, even.

SAM: He's just old I thought. No?

LAURA: Nobody's just old.

LIAM: He's many things.

MARISHA: That's true, look at Pike's grandpa.

LIAM: Look at Pike.

ASHLEY: Look at me.

LIAM: How old are you, again?

ASHLEY: 142.

LIAM: I said goddamn.

SAM: Is that true?


SAM: Oh.


SAM: Oh. Well, because you could be.

ASHLEY: I forgot my birthday. I don't know how old I am.

SAM: Is it in the hundreds?

ASHLEY: No. I think it's in the 30s.

SAM: Oh, okay

ASHLEY: Right?

MATT: Whatever you want.


LIAM: You ain't no baby.

MATT: The gentleman shuffles back now with a bunch of cups. His hands rung through all the various handles. (grunts, clicks)

LAURA: Impressive.

MATT: (grunts) "Two gold for both bottles."

LAURA: I give him two gold.

MATT: "Thank you."

LAURA: You're welcome.

SAM: In my earring, I say to Vex: I'm clamming up, you do it.


MATT: You see him walking and he goes like (sighs).

LAURA: On your way to the back, could you tell the Many we'd like to speak to them?

MATT: He slowly turns his head over to the bartender, the woman. "What was that?"

LAURA: Oh, just a conversation with the Many.

MATT: "What about them?"

LIAM: I dip my thumb into some wine and I use thieves' cant and I write "discuss" in wine on the bar.

MATT: (click) She gives a click noise to the old man, who goes (groan, thump) Are you going to take you bottles or what?

LAURA: No, yeah, we'll definitely keep those.

MATT: "All right, pick them up. Follow me."

TALIESIN: Oh, we're going to get to see the real bar.

MATT: He turns around and shuffles out. It's like following a bad, slow NPC in World of Warcraft. You're like, just go fucking faster! His pace is terrible. Yeah, it's awful.

LAURA: Running ahead, turning around.

MATT: Exactly, just waiting.

TRAVIS: Over here, adventurer!

MATT: Eventually, he takes you out of the small pub, past the unused kitchen, which has another series of stale bread clumps on the side, down to what looks to be a broom closet. He gets there to the edge of the broom closet and pulls out a key ring.

LAURA: I want to pay attention to what key he's taking.

MARISHA: Can I take the bread crumbs from the corner and throw it down so the rats could have it?

MATT: Sure. So you walk over to the kitchen and grab some of the bread crumbs and throw them down on the ground and you wait there, because there's no rats present. And you're like, bread crumbs. They scatter a little further out. You turn around and the minute you turn, in the air you hear (skittering) and look over, and there's like seven rats that just scurried out of the shadows and are just going at these crumbs immediately.

TRAVIS: I kill all of them.

LAURA: Sploosh!

LIAM: I nudge my sister and say, all mine.

LAURA: Yes. That she is.

MATT: He pulls one key and unlocks the small closet. You paid attention? (creak) Opens this rickety wooden door, and goes (grunt) and walks past, and he's behind the door, expectantly waiting. You guys glance into the space, and you can see there's what looks to be a low torchlight about every ten feet down a wooden stairway that descends about 30, 40 feet.

LIAM: Traps, people hiding, anything that seems out of place or dangerous.

MATT: Traps, or people hiding?

LIAM: Traps.

LAURA: I'll look for people hiding.

MATT: Perception check, investigation check.

LAURA: 24.

LIAM: 24.

MARISHA and ASHLEY: Twinsies!

MATT: Look at that. That's disgusting. All right, so you guys make your way down. No traps in the stair descent, but you make your way to the bottom of the stairs without issue. You don't see anything necessarily fishy. You do see these torches have been burning for a little bit, a couple hours, and are probably needing to be re-upped pretty soon. You guys eventually make your way down, and as soon as the last of you-- who's following up the rear in this, by the way? What's the marching order?

SAM: I'll go toward the front with the twins?

MATT: The hallway here is about big enough for you to go single file.

LAURA: Okay. You'll hang behind me, Tary?

ASHLEY: I'm in front of Grog.

MARISHA: Yeah, I'll hang with Grog and Pike.

TALIESIN: I'm in the center, as well.

TRAVIS: I'm in the back.

MATT: Okay, so Grog's in the very back. Keyleth, Percy.

LAURA: Pike is with Grog.

MATT: Yeah, Pike's with Grog. So we'll say, Grog in the back, then Pike, then Keyleth, then Percy, then Taryon?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: And Vex and Vax. And you have Trinket in your necklace, I assume? Okay. All right, so you guys descend down the stairway. As soon as, Grog, you make your way in, it's tiny. You have to (straining) squeeze in and duck low and even just walking through the pathway, your shoulders are rubbing against the sides of the wall, and your head occasionally (bang, bang).

LAURA: It's like you in Japan, baby!

TRAVIS: I know. Taking a shower, I broke like two shower heads. Just turning around, I was like (crash).

LIAM: The beds, was that like lying down on a saltine for you?

TRAVIS: Oh yeah. My heels were just over like the--

LAURA: We went into McDonald's and his head hit the ceiling!

MATT: You are a kaiju!

ASHLEY: A kaiju from the deep! On level seven!

MARISHA: Okay, wait, before we go any further.

MATT: Okay.


TRAVIS: Oh my god. Holy shit. Before we go any further, wait.

MARISHA: Do I have to be doing a short rest to do the Inspiring Leader thing?

MATT: It's ten minutes, it takes to do.

MARISHA: Oh, never mind.

LAURA: Well, no we could stand here for ten minutes!

TRAVIS: Yeah, no, please. Fucking say some words!

MARISHA: I'm new to the being an inspiring leader thing.

MATT: Yeah, it's ten minutes, before you know you're going to go into something, you stop and do this.

MARISHA: I should've done that at the bar.

LIAM: Wouldn't that be cool if you were just pep-talking us all the way down here?

SAM: Start it now.

LAURA: Yeah, start it now! Just do it while we're talking!

MARISHA: Okay, okay. As we walk I'll be like: You know what, guys? I've had a lot of time to think over the year that we've been away--

MATT: The door closes behind Grog and you hear it lock.

MARISHA: And I feel like we've grown so much as people, and you guys are family. You're a family to me. And I go on for a while. Do you guys remember that time in Stillben? When we very first met, and we all didn't really like each other, and Grog, I don't think you understood me for a while.

TRAVIS: Still don't.

MARISHA: Yeah, that's fine. That's fair. Hey Grog, do you remember that one time--

MATT: This is great, by the way, because at the bottom of the stairs that only goes for about 15 more feet before there's a door. There's a man on a stool who's just sitting there going--

LIAM: She'll just be another minute.

TRAVIS: I'm about to find out what the inside of a Bag of Holding feels like, I swear.

MATT: He's not stopping you.

MARISHA: Do you remember that time-- I think it was the first time I made you laugh, and I turned into an earth elemental, and then pretended to do an "I'm going down the stairs" thing through the floor?

TRAVIS: Oh yeah!

MARISHA: Yeah, I just remembered that the other day, and I just love you guys so much, you know?

TALIESIN: I don't feel included in this.

MARISHA: Yeah, I don't think you were around yet. But I love you so much!

TALIESIN: Okay, now I feel better. That's all.

SAM: Any change in our bodies or anything?

LIAM: She's going for ten in-game, real-time minutes.

MATT: As you guys are all in the hallway, Grog at the back, you can't move forward, because everyone's stopped, and you're just like-- (groan) All of you who wish to, can take 17 temporary hit points. That's by the inspiring leader feat.

MARISHA: Oh yeah, you want to mock until you realize you get your hit points!

MATT: It is your choice as to whether or not you felt inspired by that and take them.

MARISHA: And I love you guys. I love you guys so much.

MATT: Grog's too uncomfortable to take them.

TRAVIS: No, I just start weeping silently in the back.

LIAM: I mean, let's be honest, he wouldn't even feel the difference.

MATT: That's true, yeah. That's what Grog needs, is temporary hit points.

LIAM: Grog would just go (sneezes).

MARISHA: Not showing your sensitivity?

LAURA: Thanks. Thanks, Keyleth. That felt good. That was a nice trip down memory lane.

ASHLEY: I feel inspired.

LAURA: Oh, hey! How's it going there?

MATT: You see this guy, he's tough and surly, looks like a balding man who's just like made of muscle and anger. He's sitting there with one eye open, one a little squinted, he's just--

LAURA: Do you feel inspired? No.

LIAM: Not the warm and fuzzy type, are you?

MATT: He doesn't seem to respond. You do hear like a series of muffled voices and what sounds like a faint beat of some kind from the other side of the wall, just muffled.

TALIESIN: Is the password, "I am what I am," not sure? Too strange a reference; never mind.

MATT: He begins to reach over for what looks to be a small lever that's hidden on the side.

LAURA: We're here to speak to the Many.

MATT: Stops. (grunts)

SAM: We're in.

LAURA: We're going to just go on in, then.

SAM: That word just gets us in.

MATT: So. As you guys enter this doorway, as it pushes open, you're immediately hit with a wall of voices and laughter and conversation, interweaving in multiple languages. This is far more lively than you expected it would be, it's a large tavern hall. It's almost two stories tall, but it's open. There's a central, circular chandelier that hangs over with what looks to be flickering candles in a circle around it. You can see elements of what are almost like a second floor, but it's more like a slight balcony outcropping. You don't see any doorways, it's just a level platform above, and there before you, you see what has to be three or four dozen people scattered across a number of tables, all in various forms of dress and many of them are drinking, some of them are playing games of chance, some of them are in deep conversation. You can see, the music-- though this is a bad example, but it's what I have-- it's not a full band, per se. It looks like there's a set of three percussionists in the far corner that are all in the process of weaving this rhythmic beat that shifts and changes. Some of them are on more of a hand drum, some of them are more small percussion instruments. It's interesting. It's not the usual bar atmosphere you're used to. It has almost a weird--

SAM: Would you say more like Blue Man Group or more like a subway bucket drummer?

MATT: I'd say it's in between the two, actually. Take a little Blue Man Group and a little bit of subway bucket drummer. It's right in between there. You guys step into the chamber and take in the atmosphere a bit. Whether that be with smiles, awe, or confusion and care.

TALIESIN: That's exactly what I said, the real bar.

ASHLEY: I like this.

LIAM: This is like old times.

MATT: As soon as you begin having this conversation and taking in the atmosphere, one of four bar hands sees you approach. You see a jagged smile of a hairless man with ruddy skin that immediately comes up to you. "Aye, friends! New faces are few and far between here in Deastok. Welcome to our little slice of the family. What can I get you?"

SAM: Well, we brought bottles. That's rude, isn't it?

LAURA: The good stuff is down here.

MATT: "I don't know where you got that shit but put that away. We'll get you right fucked up, eh?"

MARISHA: Do you have a shiraz?

MATT: "I'll see what I can muster."

MARISHA: I like these people!

MATT: "Slim pickings for room here. It's a bit early in the evening. That's when it's the busiest. Just find some space, sit down. Folks don't want you to sit by them? Don't fucking sit by them."

LAURA: Thank you. Do we see room for a large group?

MATT: You see two tables that have room for half of a large group.

LAURA: All right. Split up?

SAM: Why don't we ask them nicely if they would like to move?

LAURA: No, let's not do that.

TRAVIS: Yeah, no. You do that. Go by yourself.

SAM: No?

TALIESIN: No. This is special.

TRAVIS: How about the talkers go to one table?

MARISHA: And then the defenders go to another in case shit goes bad. I like that.

TRAVIS: The Defenders Table. Yeah, so I'm going to the talkers' table.

LAURA: Yeah, obviously.

MARISHA: Vex, Tary, I feel like you guys are good talkers.

LAURA: Right.

TALIESIN: I'll join you.

LIAM: I'm actually going to wander the room.

MARISHA: I'll sit with Grog and Pike.


ASHLEY: Yeah, Shiraz time.

LAURA: All right.

SAM: What's our play here? Do we just keep saying the word "many" as many times as we can and see how far it goes?

LAURA: This is about as in as we get with the Many.

SAM: This is it? So now we ask for her by name? Or him by name? Korshad?

LAURA: Yeah. He or she may not reveal themselves too quickly.

SAM: All right.

TALIESIN: We could buy Korshad a drink.

LAURA: That is a beautiful idea.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

LAURA: Care of one Taryon Darrington.

SAM: Of course. I have just enough for a nice drink.

LAURA: Oh, we'll cover the drink, darling. Party funds cover the drink. It's just in your name.

SAM: Oh. Oh, okay. All right. All right. I'm slow to catch on sometimes.

LAURA: Can we grab a barmaid?

MATT: You split between the two tables. One of the tables appears to be three guys who are in a card game. As soon as you sit down they (grunts) and then keep talking amongst themselves more about taking bets, bluffing each other, giving shit about their home lives, stuff like that. The other table has four quiet individuals that are look to be elvish lineage. Either half-elf or full elf; it's hard to tell. They're wearing these hoods that show the ears from underneath but then seem to block a lot of the features of their face and guard a lot of the forehead. This silk hood that drips down past the nose on the sides.

LAURA: Do we recognize any semblance of that garb?

MATT: Make a history check.

SAM: History check.

LAURA: Well, my history is shit, but 19.

MATT: 19. You haven't seen this kind of dress, but you've heard of it. It seems to be of Wildemount but the eastern side of Wildemount, not a part of the Dwendalian Empire. This is more stems from Zorhaus, which is the other kingdom on the continent. It's actually in a tense existence along the border of the Dwendalian Empire.

LAURA: You said it was to the east?

MATT: Zorhaus, I'm pretty sure that's what it's called.

LAURA: It is now.

MATT: It is! It's whatever it's called in the campaign guide.

LAURA: Oh! Oh man, that's right. Now you have to stick to what you wrote. That's crazy.

MATT: I know, I'll just have to look it up again. But anyway. As soon as you sit down at the table the four individuals look at each other and then get up from the table and then walk off to find another place.

LAURA: Maybe some of us don't smell very good in this group. I'm not one of them, though. I smell amazing.

LIAM: I smell fucking fantastic, and I'm over there. I am going to laze about the musicians and listen to the musicians and wait for them to finish a set.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: I guess all of us can sit at the table because of the people--

MATT: All of you guys can sit at the table now that you've forced them off their own space. You guys playing the card game seemed to pay no mind. As you sit around the table, the barhand that met you here approaches and once more goes, "All right, looks like you've found a place to sit, what can I get you? Got you that shiraz you were asking for, eh." He goes ahead and he pulls up what must be a dark green bottle, already uncorked and he brings over a hefty metallic goblet or tankard and then pours it in there. It appears to be something akin to a shiraz, I suppose. Fills it to the top, slides it forward. "All right. Drinks for anyone else, eh?"

TRAVIS: Yeah, you got any pies or meat or both?

TALIESIN: To drink.

TRAVIS: Do they not have food?

LAURA: No, probably.

MATT: "I can get you a meat pie, if that's what you're asking. I don't recommend you drink it, though you could probably squeeze water from a stone, so wouldn't surprise me if you could."

TRAVIS: Yeah, meat pie and an ale, please.

MATT: "All right, coming on up. Anyone else?"

LAURA: Whiskey?


MATT: "It can be done. So whiskey. And you, little one?"

ASHLEY: Well, you said you have things that will fuck you up right, so what would that be considered?

MATT: "Oh, I mean no offense, lady, but you're a bit small sized--"

ALL: Whoa!

MATT: "I mean that respectfully! Look, I'm just looking out for my patrons here. I don't want to go ahead and send someone to the local temple."

LAURA: She can drink most people under the table.

ASHLEY: Bring it!

MATT: "All right. I'll take your word for it, then."

SAM: I'll have another shiraz.

MATT: "Another shiraz."

LIAM: Over the earring: Pickle, will you get me one of those, as well, and don't drink it before I come back?

ASHLEY: As a matter of fact, I want two of whatever that is.

MATT: "All right, coming up." And he leaves the table.

TALIESIN: Did you order the drink for when he comes back?

SAM: Oh the other drink? Oh fuck. Wait, before he goes, pardon me. I have one more order to make. I would like to buy a drink for Korshad, courtesy of Taryon Darrington. And I'll slip him a gold piece.

TRAVIS: I thought you were about to shake his hand with two fingers.

SAM: There is a coin between the two fingers.

MATT: "Korshad, you say?"

SAM: Yes.

MATT: "All right."

LAURA: I nudge him under the table.

MATT: "You want what he likes, it's going to cost you more than that."

LAURA: What does he like?

SAM: Whatever it is, here is another four and keep another one for yourself.

MATT: "Thank you very much. That'll put you up to yours, though. We will go ahead and settle your bills at the end of the drinks. But all right, Korshad it is."

TALIESIN: What table did the bartender look at when he said that?

MATT: Make a perception check.

LAURA: Oh, I was planning on totally watching that, too.

TALIESIN: Yeah, that's a safe 13.

LAURA: Should I roll, too?

MATT: Well, you said you were looking, too, so roll a perception, yeah.

LAURA: Well yeah, okay. 30.

MATT: 30, okay. You gather the direction that he glanced. It was a cursory look, more to see if the individual in question was still in the room or not. But you got the direction of it, and you know exactly where he was looking-- three tables and that way there. He leaves for a bit, and the laughter is still rising and falling throughout the room. The musicians in the corner, which are two younger human boys and what appears to be a female goliath, who has the heavier drum in the center, who is like the mid-piece, the big (heavy drum noises). The young guys, one of them has a small set of lap drums, (light drum noises) the faster beats. And the guy to the left of her-- they could be brothers; you're not too sure the features are similar but different enough, the ages seem off. The guy on the left has a series of small wooden blocks and what looks to be some sort of contraption that has three or four different small percussion instruments that are all fixed to it and so he is leaping between them all. For being just percussion, that variety is still making a cool melody. You're still able to find certain notes and certain blends where it still is a very different and unique atmosphere. They manage to bring to this crescendo the piece that you entered on, and it finishes. There is no real-- there is occasionally a couple of clap here and most everyone is busy about their own shit.

LIAM: All right, I clap. Excuse me, players?

MATT: As they're both looking over to grab a drink to stop and the younger guy with a scruffy chin and this mop of hair that's a little wild glances over to you: "Yeah?"

LIAM: That was a really unique piece you guys just did there. Thank you.

MATT: "You're welcome."

LIAM: You know, I have only ever heard music like that one time, and it wasn't here. It wasn't in this city, it was actually in Emon. What was his name? Dranzel. It was a musician named Dranzel-- this is a long shot, but you haven't come across a Dr. Dranzel in you travels? I've always wanted to hear him play again.

MATT: "Can't say I have, sir. My apologies."

LIAM: Oh shit.

MATT: "Sorry. You guys ever heard of Dr. Dranzel?" And the other guy goes, "Nope."

LIAM: Orcish. Stylish hats.

MATT: The goliath one is sitting there and she is just staring off across the room and goes, "No."


MATT: "Sorry, friend."

LAURA: I'm keeping an eye on the side of the room that he glanced in, looking for anybody going and delivering drinks to the people.

MATT: Okay. You watch the gentleman who has been getting you guys drinks, and he is in the process of getting all of your various drink orders and pouring what you have requested, and he does come to a point where he gets this one a fine jewel goblet that he has specifically set off to the side and he takes it and washes it and takes care to clean it entirely and dry it off, and once it's set there he reaches underneath, counting a few bottles and pulls one drink, uncorks it and there is this thick dark brown glass jug and as he uncorks it he pours it into there, glances over, grabs another thing, seems to be mixing it with something else. He is being very careful with the actual amounts he is pouring. He finishes that, takes a piece of what looks like an orange, crushes it in the inside and leaves the rind and takes it and switches it for a second. (sighs) And he walks over to a table across the entire hall, where you saw him glance before.

SAM: One sex on the beach!


MATT: He walks over to a table where you see what appears to be about five different patrons at the table. Most of them wealthily dressed. Two of them appears to be older mercantile or business owners, they wear the jewelry on their hands very extravagantly and displaying both wealth and prestige to an ostentatious way that you know most high-end guild workers or owners tend to display. You are very familiar with caste systems that have emerged in a lot of these central metropolitan areas, and so you can very easily pick up some of those themes. Two of them appear as a contrast very simply dressed. No jewelry. You can't make out any details in this distance and there is one man who he hands the drink to, he sets it down in front of him and slides it forward. The man you see there, he has deep brown skin, marked, there appear to be a number of tattoos that curl up his arm and up the side of his neck and touch his ears on each side. He's wearing light, billowing clothes of silver and maroon silks that end about the elbow and are just hanging beneath, leaving the rest of his arm completely visible where you can see the tattoo continues up the forearm and grasps the back of the hand, almost like he has a gauntlet on that is just his skin. You see around him a series of gold and silver bracelets and rings that adorn his fingers. His face is framed by a lion's mane of black and gray dreadlocked hair. Because of your perception check, at this distance and your ranger-like eyes, you can see what you perceive to be a visible scar on his throat from ear to ear. He's currently mid-conversation with the patrons at the table, leaned back in his chair in a comfortable setting and as soon as the drink-- huh?

LAURA: Can I read his lips?

MATT: Sure. Well, the drink arrives and gets pushed forward and you read the barkeep's lips as he says, "This drink is a gift to you from patrons on the other side of the place." And this individual, who you assume at this point is probably Korshad, gives a look and goes, (grunts). And he points over, right over to your table on the other side of the room. You watch as Korshad sits up, glances over your direction, sees you looking at him directly. Takes the drink, scoots it over next to his side, and folds his fingers and goes back into listening to the conversation of the other patrons. And the barkeep who is standing there is, "Right." And then goes back to the bar, gathers the rest of your drinks and brings them slowly over to your table and passes them out. "All right, got a second shiraz, for you there, sir. We've got a whiskey, and a whiskey. We got an ale and a meat pie for you. And you, well--" (laughs) He brings up these two mugs. They're simple ceramic mugs that are dark and handcrafted, and he sloshes them up to you and as you see inside, most ale has a good liquidy content. This has a very syrupy thick texture to it. He slides both forward and goes, "I don't expect you to drink both those back to back."

ASHLEY: Well, that's not up for you to decide, my friend. I get on my earring. Hey, String Bean, your drink is here.

LIAM: Yeah, and Sarenrae will know if you drink it before I get back, so just hold onto it for me.

ASHLEY: Well, I can't make any promises.

MATT: And he leans forward and goes, "This here is the Changebringer's Nectar. You sip this, slowly."

LAURA: The Changebringer's Nectar?

MARISHA: Write that shit down. Can Keyleth get up and walk past the diplomats' table and run my hands--

MATT: Well, you guys are all at the same table now.

MARISHA: Oh, we're at the same table now?

MATT: Yeah, one table got up as soon as you sat down.

MARISHA: Oh, so we scooched together? Okay, then I'm just going to lean into Vex and give her an Enhance Ability on her charisma.

LAURA: Ooh! I'll take that.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: You get advantage--

LAURA: On charisma checks?

MARISHA: Yeah. On checks.

LAURA: I like it.

MARISHA: Her cleavage gets a little nicer.

LAURA: It can't get any nicer than it already is.

TALIESIN: Very fair.

LIAM: All said out loud.

TALIESIN: Pike, which one of those two is Vax's? Which one of those two belongs to Vax?

ASHLEY: This one.

TALIESIN: Oh that one? I'm taking a sip of it.

ASHLEY: Take a sip. It's very thick.

MATT: It's very thick, and it's sweeter than you expected, but it has a definite burn that grows and grows after drinking it. It's syrupy, but because of it's syrupy texture, as it goes down it also coats and numbs everything as it touches.

LIAM: Percy, I saw that. You have to buy me a whole other drink.

TALIESIN: That's fine. I put my whiskey in its place and take the whole cup.

LIAM: No motherfucker, that's not what I said! I want to drink that one and the one after it! Oh, you don't want to start with me, Fredrickstein.

TRAVIS: Are you sipping it?

ASHLEY: I'm sipping it. I'm doing as the locals do. Enjoying it how he told me.

MATT: And you get the sense it's probably a good thing.

ASHLEY: It burns!

MATT: It's almost like maple syrup Everclear.


LAURA: Gross!

TRAVIS: How's my meat pie?

MATT: Meat pie's pretty good!

TRAVIS: This is pretty good!

LAURA: That makes me want an empanada right now.

LIAM: Role-playing, guys.

MATT: Sadly, no empanadas in Deastok.

SAM: Why isn't he coming over here? Should we send another drink? Maybe two this time.

LAURA: He's in the middle of a conversation right now.

TALIESIN: He has to sit and enjoy his drink.

LAURA: Let him take some time.

ASHLEY: (slurring words) Should we sent him a Changebringer's Nectar? Oh no!

LAURA: Oh no, Pike!

ASHLEY: (still slurring) I only had like three drinks. Three sips.

TRAVIS: Keep going.

LAURA: Just tiny sips.

ASHLEY: They were so small.

LAURA: Drink some, maybe some water, too, in between each sip.

ASHLEY: Okay. Maybe some meat pie.

TALIESIN: That's whiskey. That's supposed to be-- never mind. Go ahead.

MARISHA: Hey, who's the Changebringer? Does anyone know? I feel like this drink is inspired. Can I do a check to see?

MATT: Make a religion check.

MARISHA: Aw, I'm not good at this. Pike, you know gods!

ASHLEY: Let me see if I know. Will I know the Changebringer?

MARISHA: Oh, please. I have no idea. I definitely have zero idea.

ASHLEY: I'm going to see if I can think of it. 14.

MATT: It's really not that hard. The Changebringer is Avandra. Avandra, one of the gods of the pantheon.

MARISHA: Oh. Yeah, of course we knew that.

MATT: The Changebringer is the deity that looks over luck, looks over adventure, travel, the open road. That's as much as you can glean from your passing knowledge of the deity. Since you are not a woman of the faith, obviously, you don't know much beyond that.

MARISHA: It just sounded fancy.

ASHLEY: It sounded so fancy.

MATT: She's also known as "she who makes the path."

LAURA: Hey, Tary.

SAM: Yes? Is it time? Should I go over there?

LAURA: Just calm down. This is mainly what I'm trying to tell you right now. Stop being so weird.

ASHLEY: Do you want a sip of Changebringer's Nectar?

LAURA: It might actually help you just a little bit.

TALIESIN: Do what we do any time there's trouble. Sit down, pay attention, and do everything she says.

LAURA: And don't look sneaky.

TALIESIN: Have a sip of this. It'll help.

LAURA: Yeah, seriously. Just have a little sip. A little sip, it's always good to relax your nerves.

SAM: All right.

ASHLEY: Loosey-goosey.

SAM: I'll take my helm and cock it to the side.

LAURA: Yeah, jauntily. That's good, yeah.

TRAVIS: What's your confident face look like? More tongue. Little further. Yep. Little higher eyebrow on the right side.

LAURA: Okay, maybe stop. I'm just afraid he's going to look over here at any moment. I'm keeping an eye on good old Korshad, and seeing if he looks over here. I also want to see if I can catch his lips and see what he's talking about over on the side there.

LIAM: And I would like to look around the room and make sure that other people aren't watching us, or if so, where in the bar they are.

MATT: Make a perception check.

TRAVIS: And I would like to make my way over to the goliath woman.

MATT: Okay. So as you keep walking in that direction, Vex. Couple things. One, you notice that Korshad, while he seems to be mostly being talked at or at least just listening to a conversation, when he does speak, he leans in and does this.

LAURA: Of course he fucking does.

MATT: You get the sense he's a very guarded man and this is not his first rodeo. He speaks through his fingers.

LAURA: I do, too!

MATT: But he doesn't appear to look over at your table again. He seems to have acknowledged the drink, is enjoying it slowly, and is back enthralled by the conversation at his table. What did you roll?

LIAM: 25.

MATT: 25. And what did you say you were going to do?

MARISHA: Mimic Vex.

MATT: Okay. You both cover your mouths.

LAURA: What are you doing?

MARISHA: I'm following your lead.

LAURA: You don't have to do that.

TALIESIN: Does this one still work? We can do this one.

LAURA: Yeah, that one's good. Just this.

ASHLEY: Is this good?

LAURA: That's it, Pike. Pike's got it. He's definitely going to come over and talk to us now, I can feel it. We're so cool.

TALIESIN: This is a lot of drink that I seem to have taken on.

MATT: Vax. Glancing about the chamber, remember I said there was a secondary platform, that didn't have any doorways to rooms, but there was just the upper walkway across the room both ways? There are about six figures on each one.

LIAM: Six on each one?

MATT: They're all sitting there, wearing leather armor, mostly covered by a cloak. You glance up and you can see underneath at least two of the cloaks what appear to be the shape or outline of a crossbow at the ready.

TALIESIN: 12 of them? 12 men?

LIAM: I relay to the group quietly, yes. Packing. 12 or so above us all, so no sudden movements.

MATT: The music picks up again, Grog, as you're walking over. The next piece is occurring and you can see now that while the previous one had a frenetic tribal beat, this one has more of a scattered, if I could say percussion jazz sense. It tends to have multiple changes. Yeah, if you could. If you haven't heard the jazz timpani before, it's fantastic. It's more of an improvisational piece. You can see where they're each building off of each other, and then one will make a change and the others will shift with it. You don't notice this, because you really don't care, but anybody who had musical interests would be able to pick up on this. But you walk up and you see the goliath woman. Most of the goliath women you've come across, their lifestyle leads to either very short-kept or very tightly-bound hair, as the coarse hair of the goliaths tends to mat up very thickly when living in the wild as your tribe did. This goliath female's hair is really well kept, actually. It's almost shining, which catches you off guard entirely. She's not tattooed and appears to be in a trance as she's in the process of drumming away, not even looking at the two of her compatriots or any patron. She's spacing out and is currently enraptured by the music she's creating.

TRAVIS: Are there any weapons around her feet or where she's sitting or playing?

MATT: Make a perception check.

TRAVIS: Three.

MATT: She has very nice boots. And as a man who has made boots in the past, you can acknowledge, those are very well-made boots.

TRAVIS: Me Grog!

LIAM: I just love the alacrity that Travis goes to two, three. It's so good.

TRAVIS: You play good!

MATT: The head slowly turns and the eyes focus for a second in the dim, snow-blind looking pupils, and gives you a nod.

TRAVIS: Nice hair.

MATT: Head turns a little to the side.

TRAVIS: I'll be-- if you--

ASHLEY: Tell her she has nice boots, Grog.


ASHLEY: Tell her she has nice boots.

TRAVIS: Nice boobs!

MATT: (bang) Big drum hit, and her part of the song comes to a halt. The two other bits of music alter but continue the beats, and she just--

TRAVIS: Boots. Nice boots. Bidet. And I go back to the group.

MATT: As you walk back to the group, a little dejected, Vax, since you're the one who's paying attention the most at this point, you notice as the goliath gets this small grin on the side of her face and continues to go back to the drums.

LAURA: You charmed her!

MARISHA: Look at you!

LIAM: Nice work, de Bergerac!

MATT: But Grog doesn't see it.

ASHLEY: I'll be your Cyrano!

MATT: All right. So what's the next order of business, guys?

TALIESIN: Is that conversation breaking up?

LAURA: That's what I planned on doing, is waiting out that conversation. I in no way want to interrupt it.

MATT: About 20 additional minutes go by. Another round is bought at the table, with Korshad still slowly, very carefully sipping the drink that you guys bought for him. Doesn't appear to be slowing, doesn't appear to be breaking. You can keep waiting if you want.

LAURA: I want to get one of those fancy drinks for myself and see what it is.

SAM: You mean the Korshad drink?

LAURA: I want one of the Korshad drinks.

MATT: One of the Korshad drinks, okay.

TALIESIN: I would assume you've already had this stuff at this point. We've been sharing a cup around. This is too much for a human being to handle.

MATT: Do you go to the bar?

LAURA: I'll go up to the bar. We don't know his name, do we? The bartender's name?

MATT: You haven't asked him yet, no. There are a few barhands that walk around, but the one you've been going with, you can go ahead and catch his eye as you go through the area. "Hey, do you need something?"

LAURA: Of course, darling. I didn't catch your name.

MATT: "Oh! Wence."

LAURA: Wence, thank you so much. Could I grab another of those fabulous five-gold drinks there, that you brought to our friend?

MATT: "Oh, you want Schlond's Embrace. Okay. If you're sure about that."

LAURA: I don't know, what is it?

MATT: "It's an acquired taste. It's made from a very long-distilled, 40-year processing of a heavy mint leaf, and that, when it's been very thickly fermented, is mixed in with this very sour port base that's been repeatedly funneled and sifted until it's become almost thick in its own right. That's mixed together with a few other sugars and bit of a special fruit. Honestly, I think it tastes pretty shitty, but it's what he likes."

LAURA: I'm going to give it a go.

MATT: "All right then! Five gold." He goes and makes the drink for you again.

LAURA: Slowly but surely marking little amounts off this party fund, y'all.

MARISHA: Need to make some more money.

MATT: However, he does not bring it in the same glass. He brings it in a regular glass. You get the sense that the glass that was filled was his own. But it's delivered and it's different. It almost has a weird, mushroomy flavor to it. The fermentations involved in the processing of this is not the type of alcohol you'd expect. It's a little musty. But it's functional, and it has an after-taste that comes to a very strong mint, like a wintergreen afterwards. It's a very strange mixture.

LAURA: It's like brushing your teeth, only you get drunk.

MATT: Yeah, kind of. In fact, elements of it taste like having orange juice after brushing your teeth.

LAURA: Foul.

MATT: Yeah. It's a little rough at times.

MARISHA: What are you learning about the man by what he drinks?

LAURA: I'm learning that he probably has minty fresh breath.

MARISHA: Oh, really?

ASHLEY: Maybe you should cheers him from afar so he can see you're drinking it.

LAURA: Yeah, but mine's in an ugly cup.

MARISHA: They didn't give you the same cup?

TRAVIS: I have nice cups. Do you want a jewel-encrusted chalice?

LAURA: Do you have one?


LAURA: Pull it out.

TRAVIS: I'm like fucking Bed, Bath, and Beyond in this bitch. Jewel-encrusted chalice.

LAURA: Do you really have a jewel-encrusted-- you do, in your fucking Bag of Holding?

TRAVIS: Not anymore, it's getting marked off now.

LAURA: Sweet. I'm going to clean that shit out, pour it in.

TALIESIN: The interior of that bag looks like the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. It's a little weird in there.

MATT: It is a silver and pewter chalice that contains a number of multi-colored gems embedded along the sides, going to the base.

LAURA: This is gorgeous.

MATT: Lil' Jon would be proud. It's beautiful.

LAURA: Taryon. You drink out of this one.

SAM: That drink?

LAURA: Yeah, you're the one that bought him the drink. Look like you're drinking it, too.

SAM: All right. Pinky out.

LAURA: How is it? Do you like it?

SAM: I love it. It's terrible.

LAURA: I know.

SAM: I'll just laugh, way too loud. (laughs) And then she said to me, that's not armor!

MATT: Another 20 or so minutes pass in the tavern.

MATT: Some folks have entered since then, some have left. The patrons that are here don't seem to be-- there isn't a lot of switching in and out. Seems like most of the folks here come here fairly often at the end of the day, whether to go about their business or to unwind. But no one seems to be approaching you, no one's crossing your path.

MARISHA: I'm so bored.

LAURA: Can I go over and talk to Wence one more time?

MATT: Sure. You catch his attention. He comes back to the table as you step up and start in his direction, he goes, "Hey. Another round, eh?"

LAURA: Actually, no. I give him five gold.

MATT: "All right. You want another one?"

LAURA: No, I'd rather not. No, I was just wondering, do you know how long Korshad usually hangs out here every night?

MATT: "Varies. Easily probably another hour or so."

LAURA: Always with the same company, or different people?

MATT: "Varies. They've been here most of the afternoon."

LAURA: Oh, wow. Would you mind going over to him and just letting him know that the gentleman who bought him the drink would love a moment of his time.

MATT: "Oh, all right."

LAURA: Taryon Darrington. He needs to know the name.

MATT: "Okay. I will." He looks at the gold and goes, "All right. I will."

LAURA: No rush. But make sure it happens.

MATT: You see he noticeably gets a little nervous. Walks over. Do you go back to your table to join your compatriots? Okay. As you're watching, he actually has to psych himself up. He approaches and then turns around and stops for a second, and goes up to the table again and stops himself and gets the gumption up this time and goes to the table. And you see him talking to Korshad, who at this point has his hand on the tip of the drink, glances up at him. Looks over at the table again.

LAURA: I walk over and put my hand on Taryon's shoulder and keep eye-contact with Korshad.

MATT: You see a smile creep slowly across Korshad's face. Puts his hand up and immediately you can watch as Wence, who's in the middle of talking and expressing this goes, "Yes." And quickly darts away. Korshad gives a point to the rest of the guys and you watch his lips say, "Excuse me a moment." He stands up.

SAM: Make some room. Grog, leave!

MARISHA: I scoot with Grog.

TRAVIS: We get up. I get up.

MARISHA: I get up with Grog, too. Oh, I have to pee. Do you want to go pee?

MATT: As Korshad's walking across the room, Vax, you do watch as all the individuals that are on the upper platform all watch him go through the room and are now seeing the table and where they are standing. The attention is very strongly on what is about to transpire.

LIAM: So far just eyes, though?

MARISHA: Yeah, I start paying attention to the room as well, with Grog.

LIAM: Grand Poobah, here.

LAURA: You said that over the earring?

LIAM: That was Liam.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Korshad walks his way over to the table and you can see, as he walks through, occasionally somebody at a nearby table will stop and watch him. Very quickly to you, you get the sense that he's definitely one of the more powerful figures that seems to come in and out of this establishment. He approaches the edge of the table, still holding the cup from the upper lip. There's like a lip at the very edge that he keeps clasped with his fingers as it drifts there in front of him, and he occasionally sips from it that way as he walks towards you. Comes up to the edge of the table. "Do you mind if I sit here?"

LAURA: Oh please, join us.

MATT: He sits down and places the cup on the table. (muffled) "So."


MATT: "My man Wence tells me that you are requesting my presence."

LAURA: Yes. For the sake of, this. I'm going to move my hands but just know my hands are here the whole time. Okay?

MATT: Okay.


LAURA: I'm sure you're familiar with Taryon here.

SAM: Taryon Darrington, of the Darrington family.

MATT: I have not had the pleasure, but I know of you.

LAURA: And you are familiar with his father as well?

MATT: "Quite."

LAURA: We've heard tale of recent situations with his family and you.

MATT: "And?"

LAURA: And we were hoping we could come to an agreement.

MATT: "What agreement do you have proposed?"

LAURA: Well, I don't know if you've heard of Vox Machina?

MATT: "We trade in great many things. Information being one. And I am well aware of who you are."

LAURA: And I'm well aware that someone like you could find a good use for someone like us.

MATT: "Are you offering your services?"

LAURA: Potentially. If it could help clear the Darrington name.

MATT: "(sighs) You are not wrong. I, myself, am the keeper of the deeds. I consider the Darrington estate a long-growing loan that is now ripening. You see, our community here thrives on a principle that other syndicates in Exandria lack. Patience. I have been letting this stew for a very, very long time, so if you wish to make any sort of dent in this debt, your task will have to be equally monumental."

SAM: Well, I can make magical items, if there's something that you need made or enchanted. We have other members of the group that do different things. We have a fine tinkerer, if you need something made for you. Vex here is an excellent shot. She could put on an archery show or something, if that would be something worthwhile to you. You know, if that will help ease the debt. I know my family owes you quite a bit of money.

LAURA: 230,000 gold. If we're hearing correctly.

MATT: "You are correct. For the time being."

SAM: And might I inquire, as it is my family's debt: what is the time table on that? Will you be coming to collect anytime soon?

MATT: "I have given your father a date of six months to pay this debt. If it is not paid, then the deeds, as agreed upon many years ago, transition to my name entirely. I am not going to kick your family to the street; I am not a terrible man. But I will be possessing all of your belongings."

SAM: Will they be in any physical danger?

MATT: "No. Not unless they put up a fight."

SAM: Well, I don't know much about you, but I assume you would much rather the cash than have to own property and manage it.

MATT: "Both have their uses."

SAM: All right.

LAURA: So would the Darringtons simply work for you?

MATT: "The family I will happily give them time to find whatever place they can afford to live or leave the city entirely. It is not my business. However, I will be taking over the farms, I will be taking over the business, I will be taking over the estate. Most of the assets within, they will become property of the Myriad."

TALIESIN: Well, there. That's where I think we can come to an arrangement. We're not particularly invested in the power structure here. We're here for sentimental reasons. The estate and just enough property to maintain a modest comfortability. We don't really care what happens to the fortunes so long as your family's taken care of.

SAM: Yes, I guess.

TALIESIN: You keep your house, you keep your things, you keep a little bit of property to manage.

SAM: Sure.

TALIESIN: What do you think? I mean, they did make this bed. I'm suggesting to you that maybe it is not your job to save your family's power and allow them to keep going as the way they have. But just to give them enough that even if they-- that they can continue with reasonable means. Maybe not necessarily living the life that they were living before but living far more comfortably.

SAM: Even that would be a step up, but it seems like we would have to do something in order just to earn that much.

TALIESIN: Oh, I imagine so. It's just, there's a difference between saving everything and saving enough to keep them comfortable.

MATT: "If I am to understand you correctly, you are willing to offer your service to us?"

TALIESIN: Possibly.

MATT: "And in exchange, we would still be taking the land-based assets from the Darrington name, other than the estate and enough means to live comfortably."

TALIESIN: And enough income property for them to be relatively comfortable. Reasonably comfortable. I'm sure we can take a look at the assets and come to a very, very reasonable arrangement. And you, in turn-- well, we could have a discussion about what that would be worth to you. I have no interest in making an arrangement that doesn't please you. We're only here, again, for sentimental reasons. We are not invested beyond that.

MATT: Make a persuasion check.

TALIESIN: Please, god. You've been terrible today. 15.

MATT: He goes, "Comfortable living is a relative thing. To maintain my comfort of living, well, your estate is but a drop in the bucket. But, and I mean no offense--" as he looks about the rest of you-- "Comfortable living for some of you, well, that could be as much as my drink would cost."

SAM: My family would require their main property and all residential rental property.

MATT: "That is not a deal. The residential and the farm territory is to become mine. I would leave for them your estate and enough gold to live a comparably comfortable lifestyle than living on the street for years to come. They could then strike out on their own, start a new fortune if they wish. Perhaps land barony was not their strong-suit. You seem to have found other pursuits, maybe you could lead them in a new path."

LAURA: And past that point, they would be in no debt to you?

MATT: "Past that point, and a task done in our favor by the famed Vox Machina. Maybe."

SAM: Would they get to maintain the possession of their personal property? Artwork, statues?

MATT: "Everything that remains within the estate home itself would be yours to keep. The rest is mine."

SAM: And what is this task?

MATT: "Roughly 120 miles east of here lies a sinkhole. It has swallowed the core of the platinum mines of Herethis a few months back. Now, those mines are a very lucrative point of business for my employers. And every time we've sent scouts to inspect the source of this erosion, none have returned. Many very capable and proven men, unheard again. One of our greatest diviners has since spoken of a powerful force within this mine. Ancient. Birthed improperly. But now seems to grow more and more mad. We're at a loss, so we've put out a contract or two, but nothing has taken a bite yet. If you were to go to this mine, find this entity that has ruined our mining operation there, return with proof of its demise, and we confirm its destruction, I will consider our task complete."

TALIESIN: We'll also need some operating capital for this. It sounds dangerous, so we will take the job, but we will need to also charge a very reasonable fee, I think, on top of this.

MATT: "That is entirely understood. And we will keep track of each fee, and we will deduct it from the materials in the Darrington estate."

LAURA: If we take care of this for you, it does seem like a monumental task.

MATT: "It may not be. But it would seem to be something of your skill set."

LAURA: From what we've learned, ancient beings tend to be quite powerful. We would ask that you don't slander the Darrington name. That when they stay in their estate, everyone believes they are still the Darringtons as they have always been.

MATT: "I would agree to that. I have no interests in your family's public image. I believe that damage has been done well enough on your own."

SAM: Yes. Are you sure you don't have a cloak I could just enchant and then we could call it square?

MATT: (chuckling) He takes another sip from his drink. "When all this is said and done, Taryon, we'll be in contact. I think there is much business we could do in the future."

SAM: All right. I suppose we have no choice.


LAURA: There's always a choice, dear.

MARISHA: You could marry the girl or we could go kill an ancient being.

TALIESIN: I'm feeling pretty good about this one.


SAM: All right.

LAURA: Do we need to decide at this moment?

SAM: Seems like we do.

TALIESIN: We will also need all of the information that you have on this creature in the mines, and if you have anybody who has access to that--

LAURA: The diviner would be wonderful to speak to.

MATT: "The information that I have given you is what the diviner has found."

SAM: I'm not going to ask you all to risk your lives for my shitty family, so I will pursue this matter on my own if I have to.

LAURA: Good. Yeah. You're going to go by yourself.

SAM: Well, I would hire a couple of people to come with me, but if you'd like to accompany me, I'd be okay with that too.,

TRAVIS: We could watch you do it. That'd be pretty funny.

SAM: Well, I mean, you've taught me a lot, so maybe I could do it.

LAURA: I think you're good.

ASHLEY: You won't find anybody as good as us.

SAM: Of course not.

MARISHA: You are very skilled in hiring talented mercenaries. That might be your strong-suit.

SAM: I am one for two on that count.

TALIESIN: And we do have another mercenary at our beck, if we need. That's actually very fair. You're already one up.

SAM: Should we vote on it then? Grog, do you want to go kill something big and scary?


SAM: Pike, are you drunk?

ASHLEY: I think you should marry whoever you want. So that's what I think we should do. Yes. Yea. I vote yea.

SAM: Twinsies?

LAURA: Always have your back, dear.

SAM: Oh, Vax isn't here. Hey Vax. You want to go help me save my family by risking our lives in almost certain death?

LIAM: What does that entail?

SAM: I'll take that as a yes. Keyleth?

MARISHA: Vax says yes, and so do I! Aye!

SAM: Science bro?

TALIESIN: Vex says yes, and I am so in the mood to kill something.


MARISHA: I think we all risked our lives for each other at one point and another, so it's your turn, Tary. Welcome to the family.

TALIESIN: Cheers. This stuff burns.

MATT: And this whole conversation he's had his mouth covered, he takes his fingers away from his mouth and he takes the drink. "Do we have an accord?" Picks his drink up and clinks it. "Return when the deed is done." Slaps the table and stands up and walks back. And at this point, that you notice, the tables nearby. Everyone's been just quietly watching in on this. As soon as he leave they go back to their business and drinking.

TALIESIN: Everyone, on the count of three, we're going to stand up very quickly.


SAM: Why? Okay.

LIAM: Wait! No, I'm just fucking with you.

LAURA: Three! Let's go!

MATT: As you do that, about half the folks get startled by it. The music's still going.

LAURA: On the way out, can I grab Wence again, one last time?

MATT: "Hey."

LAURA: Most of the people here, are they local patrons or do they come from all over?

MATT: "Most of them are local and come from all over."

LAURA: Great. Thank you.

MATT: "Sorry."

LAURA: It's all I needed.

MATT: "I just serve the drinks, miss."

TRAVIS: Can I make my way back over to the players?

MATT: Okay. She's sitting there. (drumming)

TRAVIS: Can I have your name?

MATT: (drumming)

TRAVIS: (louder) Can I have your name?

MATT: As she's still drumming her head slowly turns around and she goes, "Camilla." (drumming)

TRAVIS: Thank you, and I leave.

MATT: (laughs) All right. With that, we're going to take a break. Try and get back here in a minute guys, see this next bit of interesting fun.

MARISHA: To Camilla!

MATT: All right guys so we have tonight's Wyrmwood giveaway: this awesome butternut wood and leather dice tray. Giveaway from our friends at Wyrmwood. Come on over, jump into the Twitch chat to win enter for the possibility to win this, the word for the night is Myriad. That is M-Y-R-I-A-D. If you don't know, look it up on Google.

MARISHA: You'll win it if you spell it right.

MATT: Exactly. Butternut or shut up with your Myriad spelling. All right guys, be back here in a few minutes. See you in a second.



Part II[]

MATT: Hello, everyone. Welcome back to Critical Role. Which, timing works out interesting sometimes. Yeah, welcome back to the game. We had our break. Going to go ahead and jump in here.

LIAM: I feel cheated. I didn't hear any of that.

SAM: (belches)

LAURA: Nice.

SAM: Thanks.

MATT: As you guys have found your way out of what seems to be this strange subterranean bar beneath the Grumpy Lily, you've agreed to, at least for the time being, to make your way east to this mine, which currently seems to be under the-- what's it's called? The Platinum Mines of Herethis. Herethis. Which you, Taryon, you understand. Herethis is a region, a regional forest area over there. The Herethis Wood. About 120 miles east. You guys decide: What's your best means of travel? How do you intend to get there?

SAM: We have to misty there, right? Because you don't know any trees in the area?

MARISHA: I could scry on the area if I knew enough about it.

TALIESIN: If we misty there we could also camp for the night.

LAURA: Yeah, we need to camp because we need to rest and get our shit back.

MARISHA: That's fine. It's 120 miles.

MATT: It's not terribly far, as the mist flies.

LAURA: Do you still have Misty Step?

MARISHA: Yep. I'm pretty fresh.

TALIESIN: We can misty there, camp for the night.

TRAVIS: (repeatedly, getting deeper) Yeah.


TRAVIS: Character voice.

MATT: Well, I'll go ahead and by the way, because I totally forgot. We do have a winner in the chatroom. Besolis8926, you won the giveaway.

LIAM: You got the Nutter Butter box!

MATT: Yeah, Denova will contact you for your information to get it shipped to you, so congratulations. All right, so. What are you thinking about for travel? You're just doing the Wind Walk?

MARISHA: All right, before we leave, is there any type of research we should potentially do?

TRAVIS: Nope. Headlong.


SAM: I don't know what we'd be researching. The guy who sent us on the mission doesn't even know what it is.

LIAM: It's not even nearby, so it's not like we could ask people what the mine is like. It's 120 miles away.


LIAM: The mines of "hear this."

LAURA: Herethis.

TRAVIS: This is right up our alley. Like this is literally what we've been training for our whole lives.

MARISHA: I mean, just in case there's maybe some ancient deity that rules over the forest of Herethis and some sort of goddess? Fuck it, let's go.

LAURA: I mean, do we know anything? Have we ever heard about the woods of Herethis or the Platinum Mines of Herethis?

MATT: You guys haven't. You have. They're woods that lead into this small rocky-- it's almost too small to be a mountain range and more just large, rocky hills. But there's no historical significance to the location that you know of. Go ahead and make a history check.

TRAVIS: Roll high.

TALIESIN: That'll do.

SAM: Oh yeah! 21.

MATT: 21. You do know a number of the large scale battles that took place towards the end of the Age of Arcanum took place on Wildemount. In fact, Zorhaus, the other kingdom that we were discussing before is largely a Badlands, barren landscape because that was where the final battle between the Betrayer Gods and the Prime Deities took place. And the sheer volume of, the sheer intensity of that battle laid waste to the landscape there, so you have the Dwendalian Empire and the whole western side of Wildemount, which is fairly lush and functional, then towards the Zorhaus Kingdom is, and that whole eastern side of the continent, a lot of it is just barren, cracked, destroyed. But you do know that Herethis, the name, at least, stems from a hero that fell in a battle long ago. You can't recall the specific details of it, but there is some significance to the title or at least the location there to something ancient and old. May have to deal with this time period of entities battling gods. That's the best you can make out. The mines are well known. The Platinum Mines are well known. They're not well attended. They're not a public space, and they're definitely under the control of a number of companies that are shadow corporations under the control of the Myriad. You can see where the connection and the necessity for it to be reopened again is important. Platinum is not a very common metal.

TRAVIS: Anything we should be worried about?

SAM: Gods attacking us.


MARISHA: Trial run.

LAURA: Oh man. No, but really, that's where the battles took place, huh? So this ancient being could be from, potentially--

SAM: Or it could not.

TALIESIN: Whatever it is, it's not leaving the mine.

LIAM: We're running off on a lark, but we've raked ourselves in the faces before.

LAURA: Yeah! If we die, we die.

SAM: Oh god, I don't want to die.

TALIESIN: Well, no one wants to die.

MARISHA: Well, once again--

LAURA: Don't say it, Keyleth. Do not fucking say it.

TRAVIS: Don't incant that shit again.

LAURA: Don't say it about all of us and doom us to your fate.

TRAVIS: Goldfish.



TRAVIS: Better.

SAM: Before we go, was there something you wanted to tell the drow woman?

LAURA: Oh shit.

LIAM: If we're talking about what we were talking about before I don't think it's a good idea.


LIAM: If you want to go and find us and say hi, that's a different story.

LAURA: I would like to point out that this same person you are so adamantly protecting from our scrying or our spying or our finding is the same person who shit in the middle of a temple so that he could watch Pike.

LIAM: Well, A) he did that, not us, and B) we were all very much friends and happy with each other when he did that, and he is not happy with us. It's not exactly the same thing, dear. But if you want to want to go with me and find him and check in and say hello, I'd be very happy to do that with you. But to send the woman who threw our friend, drugged, over the back of a horse, and took him off to his family? I don't really want to send her after Scanlan, to look in on him or follow him or watch him or anything him. If didn't sound like his father wanted him dragged back on the back of a horse, and it happened anyway. She doesn't seem very trustworthy to me. Yeah, she's cool. So what?

LAURA: I just realized I have the other half of the stone. The traveling stone.

MARISHA: That we gave Scanlan.

LAURA: I could pop in on him anytime I want.

TALIESIN: Or he could pop in on you anytime.

MARISHA: But he hasn't.

TRAVIS: If he has it, still.

MARISHA: Yeah, maybe he threw it into the ocean for all we know.

TRAVIS: Ooh, that would suck because then we'd be in the ocean.

LAURA: That would be really, really shit if he did that.

MARISHA: It would be a massively dickish move.

LIAM: That was very smart, Grog.


TALIESIN: Wow, that happened.

TRAVIS: In your face.

LIAM: Oh. Anyway, my point still stands. Once we wrap up here if you want to go find him I will go with you.

MARISHA: And do what? Convince him to come back?


MARISHA: See if he's okay? Ask him how his year's been?

LIAM: Yeah.

TRAVIS: What about just a location and she has to stay unseen? You know, I know Keyleth can scry and stuff but--

TALIESIN: We could make her walk first into the mines.

MARISHA: Yeah, you didn't want me to even scry on him and now we're talking about just popping in on him? I feel like there's a weird crossing of the lines.

TRAVIS: Yeah, but that was a ago. I'm over that sentiment.

MARISHA: Oh man, Grog.

TRAVIS: Yeah. Yep.

MARISHA: You guilted me very hard on that. You made me feel kind of shitty.

TRAVIS: This is Grog evolved.

MARISHA: No, you kind of got it right. Just go with it.

TALIESIN and LAURA: Exalted?

TRAVIS: Absorbed. Yep.

LIAM: You done been woked.

TRAVIS: Woked.

LIAM: So woked.

LAURA: No, but seriously. What are we doing? I don't think we use that mercenary to walk into a mine. I'm not sending her to her death.

TALIESIN: I am perfectly content to hold onto that chip for as long as we need.

LIAM: Save that for a rainy day. We don't need to punch that ticket now.

SAM: Should we at least ask her to stay in town? For a to-be-determined mission later?

TRAVIS: Well, I think she needs to keep up her employment, right?

SAM: We can give her a little money to keep around, a retainer.


SAM: I can give her a little money. I might need her.

TALIESIN: She was employed. She's reachable through employment. We can just find out how to reach her.

TRAVIS: Oh, yeah, that one!

SAM: She might be gone.

TALIESIN: You have to be able to hire her. I'm sure there's a system.

SAM: We have no idea how she was hired in the first place.

LAURA: We go ask her how to hire her.

SAM: All right, well then let's do that.

MARISHA: And no one has heard from him at all over the course of the year?


LAURA: Oh. Well, he writes me all the time, but outside of that.

TRAVIS: What? Really?! Scanlan does?!

MARISHA: She's messing with you.

TRAVIS: That was very mean.

TALIESIN: You promised you'd keep that secret.

LIAM: She has a mean streak.

LAURA: (laughs) I have so many secrets to keep, dear. So many.

TRAVIS: I'm mad for an (stutters) a long time.

LIAM: I know one of them. When she farts it sounds like a duck.

LAURA: It really does.

MARISHA: That's kind of cute.

LAURA: We go find-- (laughs)

TALIESIN: You're going to fart awkwardly and we're going to yell "imposter!"

MATT: Okay, so you find K'rynn. She let you know that she was just around the corner from where the estate was and let you know where to find her, and it's like an open tent/lounge area. She's just currently drinking water and eating a little bit of dried meat, and as you approach, she stands up. She still has her illusion on. She still has her pale skin. You get the sense that drow in general are not-- they don't have the easiest time walking through large societal establishments. "You returned. So what did you need?"

SAM: We have no mission at this moment, but we may call on you shortly after we return.

MATT: "Very well."

SAM: Can we find you here or will you be gone?

MATT: "I have no interest in staying in this city in particular. I generally prefer to stay Vashlow."

SAM: Where's that?

MATT: "Vashlow? It's to the west of here. About 25 miles southeast of Port Demali."

TRAVIS: Port Demali.

MATT: "If you wish to contact me, you can send a missive to Vashlow, or if you have access to a practitioner of the arcane arts, perhaps a Sending would be sufficient."

SAM: Sending, okay.

LAURA: Definitely.

SAM: All right. Well, stand by. We'll call you. Thank you for your time, and we'll be in touch.

MATT: "Very well. It was just business."

SAM: Sorry about your horse.

MATT: "Eh. Fair trade." She gets up and gathers her little satchel over the side of her shoulder. "Until we meet again." She nods and then walks out into the darkness of the night.

LAURA: Never to be heard from again because we'll forget that we have that connection.


MATT: All right, so what are you guys doing?

SAM: Let's Misty Step. Let's Wind Walk.

LAURA: Misty Step tonight and then that way we can recover everything?

TALIESIN: In the morning.

MARISHA: Yeah, what time is it?

MATT: You're in the evening now.

LAURA: Let's Misty Step there--

MATT: Misty Step is a very different spell.

LAURA: Oh, sorry.

LIAM: We go 30 feet.


SAM: We're going to be windtalkers.

MATT: Yes. All right, so you guys go ahead and transform into your misty forms via the Wind Walk spell and being making your way to the east, towards the Herethis Wood. Travel is pretty rapid. It's a clear sky. The moon's still pretty-- it's only been a few days since the last full moon when you guys had the ritual up at the top of the mountains with the Trickfoots, so it's very easy to see the details, especially those of keen vision. Rather rapidly, you find yourselves to the outskirts of the Herethis Forest, and after doing a couple passes overhead, you can see there is a portion of the forest that is open, and there you can see there are a couple of stone towers set up. There appear to be large ropes and cable fastened at the edges of what looks to be a large circular ravine, some sort of an entry port, a very large hole in the ground. And as you approach and get close you can that, while there are two standing towers, there appear to be remnants of two other towers that have fallen in, and looking at some of the cables and the way that some of the equipment is set up, it appears that this sinkhole that he spoke of that consumed a portion of this entryway, whether it be a quake or something, a lot of the structure that was placed around the outside of the mine has fallen in, and is precariously being held either dangling over the inside by cable work or has crumpled somewhere at the bottom of this abyssal hole you see before you.

MARISHA: What do you mean by--

MATT: When I say abyssal hole, that's just a descriptive way of saying it is pitch black from this distance. You cannot see anything past the top.

SAM: And it's connected to the Abyssal Plane.

MATT: It is actually a doorway to the Abyss. Hey guys! Orcus tonight!

MARISHA: Finale!

TRAVIS: Do we have any glow sticks that we could throw in and watch fall?

TALIESIN: Yes, we actually do.

MATT: Have you guys transitions back to your physical forms to have this conversation?

MARISHA: Yeah. Well, we can float down.

TALIESIN: If we're doing our little circle, I would say that a little bit of a distance.

LAURA: Yeah, I don't want to camp right next to the--

TALIESIN: About half a mile away.

LIAM: I'm looking for cooties around the outside.

MATT: Okay, make a perception check.

LIAM: Cooties.

LAURA: Did you get it?

ASHLEY: No, it's right here.

LIAM: Dang it. 24.

MATT: 24. Okay, start coasting over the edge, and you can see there are broken carts and crates. You can see the remains of what seem to be a couple of humanoid bodies, mostly picked away to the point where there's just slightly pinkish bone from whatever dried bits of muscle or blood that remain, the rest of the flesh and organs pulled from or dissolved. You're not sure.

LAURA: I think a Cure Wounds, a light Cure Wounds would probably help.

SAM: Dead talk?

TALIESIN: They don't talk back, but yeah.

SAM: Let's do that.

TRAVIS: Oh yeah, you can do that!

ASHLEY: We can talk to the dead. I have it.

LAURA: We'll land a little bit away.

TRAVIS: We didn't land yet, right?

LAURA: Let's land a little bit away.

LIAM: Getting some Baldur's Gate vibes here, man.

MATT: So you land about half a mile out, and you guys transition back to your physical forms. Vax shares the information and what he spotted.

LAURA: Were the bodies on top or were the bodies down below?

LIAM: On the edges, right?

MATT: They were on the edges.

MARISHA: And when you mean seared, like acid? Or like heat?

MATT: Like white and pink bone. Like just whatever flesh was on there has been picked off.

ASHLEY: Like something was eating them?

TALIESIN: Can we speak to dead?

LAURA: Pike can do that.

TALIESIN: Why don't you two misty there, somebody start setting up camp for tonight.

LAURA: I'll go with Pike and we can stealth in.

MARISHA: I'll start setting up camp.

TALIESIN: You can still misty. We're still misty-able. You can fly in, talk to them, and fly back out.

LAURA: She can't talk to them as mist.

TALIESIN: I mean, land and then--

LAURA: Oh, okay. I'll cast Pass without a Trace, anyways, so we'll be stealthy going in. So I do that.

MATT: All right, so. Is it just you, Pike? Who's going with you?

LAURA: And me.

LIAM: I'm already standing by the bodies, yeah.

MATT: All right, so you go back to the bodies with them?

LAURA: Okay, you're still out there?

LIAM: No, I--

MATT: All right, so the three of you are turning back to mist and making your way back toward the entrance.

TALIESIN: I'm going to set up the tents.

MATT: Okay. You guys land near the edge of this crumpled rock and you see where the ground itself has curled in and collapsed inward, and there a number of cables or ropes that go across and various large structures, the stone towers that sit at the edge of this opening. You can see there's tension on these ropes and either the rope's going to snap at some point as the weather gets harsher over here, or the rock is going to crumble in if the rock keeps eroding. You're not sure if it's done, or if it's a slow crawling thing. There before you, you see a body. You can see elements of clothing, torn and dried, crusted with old blood. You see a boot that's left off to the side. The foot's been removed, but it looks like the edge of it's been torn and ripped a bit. The skeleton's been picked clean.

ASHLEY: Okay. We only see the one body?

MATT: There are three bodies around the whole exterior, but you've landed next to one.

LIAM: When you said picked clean, do they look like they've been chewed upon?

MATT: Make an investigation check.

LIAM: It's fine. 18.

MATT: Looking at the bones, you can see signs of what appear to be scratches or grooves across the bones... It's interesting. A lot of the bones have a very smooth texture to them. You're used to seeing very porous, but it looks like elements of the bones have melted slightly.

LAURA: Oh, gods.

LIAM: Slimes, jellies. All right.

LAURA: I'm going to get my broom ready. And while Pike is doing her ritual I'm just going to keep a hand on her, that if anything happens then I can just take off with her in tow.

MATT: Okay. Pike, you're casting Speak with Dead?


MATT: All right. It's easy enough for you to cast it. It's quick. Ritual complete, you go ahead you burn some incense.

ASHLEY: Okay, I get three questions.

MATT: And at which point, the skeleton, which is face down on the ground by the way, the skull (bone creaking) creaks up and looks over. Like, turns around and faces you as it reaches. It curls upward, almost in like an upward dog--

LAURA: Like downward dog? Oh. What's that called?

MATT: Cobra position, but the head's turned completely around and curled up.

LIAM: Oh, I get down close it and go (groans) and I flip it over.

MATT: (rattling thud) It flips over on its back and the head (bone creaking) turns back around to its right.

LIAM: Sorry.

MATT: You get five questions.

ASHLEY: Five questions.


ASHLEY: Good day, sir. It's not a good day for you. Sorry.


LAURA: It's okay. Good start.

ASHLEY: What happened to you?

MATT: (raspy, strained) "Something in the mines we found. It hatched. Or woke. And it's anger shook the halls. I tried to run, but the skittering beasts got me first."

LAURA: Skittering beasts?

TRAVIS: Godzilla.

LIAM: That's more than one.

LAURA: (whispering) What did the skitterers look like?

ASHLEY: What did the skittering beasts look like?

LAURA: Oh, in my drink?

LIAM: It flew away.

MARISHA: Yeah, it's a dick.

MATT: (raspy, strained) "Large. Hard carapaces. Pincers. Many legs."

ASHLEY: (whispering) It's like spiders.

TRAVIS: Umber hulk?

LIAM: Umber hulk with many legs.

MARISHA: That could be a glabrezu, which fucking killed you the first time. They have pincers.

LAURA: Yeah, but that's really big.

MARISHA: I don't know. Skittering beasts?

ASHLEY: Is there anyone else alive?

LIAM: Did anything work against it?

ASHLEY: Oh, yeah that's a good question. (louder) Was there anything that you guys could tell of your knowledge-- did anything seem to damage it or work against it?

MATT: (grunts) He seems confused about what you're referring to. The skittering creature or the--

ASHLEY: Oh. The skittering creature or the big thing?

LAURA: The skittering creatures?

ASHLEY: Both, because we still have--

LIAM: Against them

ASHLEY: Against them! Against the skittering creatures

MATT: "The skittering creatures, we just ran. I didn't look to see."

LAURA: That's already three questions.

ASHLEY: Okay. Oh god, this is not--


ASHLEY: How big were the creatures?

MATT: "They were rather large, maybe eight foot end to end. They burrow, they spit. But they were awoken by the smaller one."

ASHLEY: Wait, he said they spit?

LAURA: I didn't hear, something about his spit. What did he say?

MATT: You gather, what he said was--


MATT: No, the skitterers bite, they spit. But they were awakened by the smaller one.

MARISHA: The smaller one?

LAURA: What's the smaller one?!

LIAM: What can you tell us of the smaller one?

SAM: They spit. Maybe acid, probably.

LIAM: Yeah, they're smooth, that means they were just like (slurping noises).

ASHLEY: Is there anything that you can tell us about the smaller one?

MATT: "It was like a baby, and it cried out and everything fell around us. I barely made it out, but the skitterers found me (deep exhale)." The enchantment leaves that embodied the skull, falls to rest, the bones now motionless.

SAM: So it can emit a cry that shakes everything.

ASHLEY: A baby, like a baby?

LIAM: Mandrake?

MATT: I would say, Marisha--

MARISHA: Is it something like anything we have encountered? A nature check?

MATT: We'll say a nature check for both you and Vex.

MARISHA: Would I have an advantage with my little book?

MATT: Not for this in particular.

LIAM: It will be like the creature back in Stillben?

LAURA: Yeah, I don't think that's what it is.

LIAM: And we have heard tale of mandrakes, and they scream.

LAURA: Yeah, did the pincers sound like something we have fought though, before?

MATT: No, it's not something encountered before, necessarily.


MATT: 19, okay. And Vex?

LAURA: Nature check?

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: Do I get advantage because I'm standing in the woods? Six!

TALIESIN: You know you're standing in the woods.

MATT: You have heard of a creature that does exist in subterranean and sometimes forested areas, referred to as an ankheg.

MARISHA: An ankheg?

MATT: An ankheg. They generally tend to snatch cattle and beasts of burden in the night. They are large and insect-like. They spit an acidic fluid. Some of the things the corpse has described makes you think of that.

LIAM: Isn't that what our bug juice is made out of?

MATT: You bug juice is made of sandkheg, which is a desert-based variant of that creature.

LAURA: Oh. I wonder if we could sprinkle it around us and they won't bother us because we'll smell like their brethren.

TRAVIS: I ain't wasting that shit!

LAURA: Hey, man, it's an idea.

MARISHA: So they snatch cattle--

SAM: So we should all be cows.

MARISHA: Oh my god, you guys. Perfect opportunity!

LIAM and MARISHA: Throwback Thursday!

MATT: If only the person who could cast the spell was in your party anymore. He's elsewhere in the world right now.

LIAM: That asshole.

SAM: We just talked to him. He was the dead body.


MATT: All right, so what are you guys doing?

SAM: Well we're going to rest for the night, and then go in at first light.

LAURA: Yes, we definitely should have a Heroes' Feast.

MARISHA: Yeah, let's have a Heroes' Feast, which-- okay, hang on, let me check here.

TRAVIS: We don't need it.

MARISHA: I can do a Heroes' Feast.

TALIESIN: Protection from acid would probably be very--

MARISHA: Okay, but my Wind Walk-- I already Wind Walked, so I can do a Heroes' Feast at a higher level. I also want to do 5th-level Commune with Nature.

MATT: Okay. 5th-level Commune with Nature.

MARISHA: What should I ask? What should I ask that we don't already know?

SAM: I mean, is there any nature down there? It's a mine. It's all rocks.

MARISHA: Well I can see in a two, three-mile radius.

TRAVIS: How deep does the hole go?

MARISHA: I was thinking that.

MATT: Instantly gain knowledge of up to three facts of your choice about any of the following subjects as they relate to the area: terrain; bodies of water; prevalent plants, minerals, animals, or peoples; powerful celestials, fey, fiends, elementals, or undead; influence from other planes of existence; or buildings.


MATT: Choose three of those.

MARISHA: First and foremost, influences from other planes of existence.

MATT: Okay, so as you focus and Commune with Nature, the plants speak to you in this series of images and thoughts that essentially get the idea across to you that there is something planar involved here, but it's very old and long-dormant, recently awoken.

MARISHA: Okay. Planar, long dormant.

TALIESIN: Recently awoken.

TRAVIS: If it's a fucking baby ancient dragon I'm going to be stoked.

MARISHA: Okay, so something planar.

LIAM: Didn't Drez Vina send us to a fetal thing?

MARISHA: Yeah, that was our first fight.

SAM: Oh, we can't do how deep is the mine? No?

MARISHA: No, I can, it's a terrain question, so terrain. Yeah. How deep does this mine go?

LAURA: Maybe you can ask where the thing is in the mine.

MARISHA: Is. I think I can, right? Can I sense the location of where--?

MATT: You can ask whereabouts this thing is.


MATT: Nature tells you this sinkhole goes down for about a quarter-mile, and it lies at the very bottom.

LAURA: It's just straight down at the bottom of it?

TRAVIS: That's 400 meters, y'all.

ASHLEY: So it's like this and then the little baby thing at the bottom?

MATT: Apparently, yeah. The whole ground just collapsed inward.

MARISHA: 400 meters and the entity lies at the bottom.

SAM: We can jump. We're like gods.

MARISHA: Yeah, we're gods!

TALIESIN: We're golden gods.

MARISHA: It's only a little bit more than a 1,000 feet.

LAURA: Yeah, then you might survive that one? Only if you turn into a goldfish and fall onto the ground. It's fine.

MARISHA: Now I know Looney Toon physics doesn't work in this world.

LIAM: Always go earth elemental.

LAURA and MARISHA: Always Keyteor.

SAM: So what's our last question?

TRAVIS: Something from another plane. We know it's 400 meters down.

MARISHA: It lies at the bottom.

TALIESIN: How many of these creatures are there?

TRAVIS: Of the crawly ones?

MARISHA: Ankhegs. Can I get a sense of how many and whereabouts the ankhegs are?

MATT: One of the two.

LAURA: What are ankhegs? Are they fiends?

LIAM: They're beasts, probably. They're big bugs.

LAURA: Aberrations?

MARISHA: How many?

TRAVIS: Yeah, because if there's hundreds, then--

MARISHA: That's a problem.

TALIESIN: Then this is a stealth mission.

MATT: They are monstrosities, and that's what they look like right there.

ALL: Oh!

TALIESIN: I love Starship Troopers. I'm excited.

LAURA: We're about to fight some big, armored vaginas.

MARISHA: About how many? Do I know about how many there are? Sensing their skittering movements under the surface.

MATT: Using the nature's essence to let you know: somewhere in the neighborhood of about close to a hundred. Throughout the network of caves--

MARISHA: Because this is a three-mile radius, right?

MATT: Yeah, so this is spread out amongst what would essentially be a subterranean anthill of these ankhegs.

MARISHA: There's a lot.

TRAVIS: We're going to need a fast exit. He wants us to take care of what the problem was.

SAM: We've just got to kill the big boss. One little baby big boss. The boss baby.

LAURA: Did we understand correctly that it's the baby that cried out is the big monster? The big boss?

MATT: It seems the be the source of where all this started.

LAURA: Okay. And that's the thing that woke up the skitterers?

MATT: Or at least brought them to start attacking the surface.

LAURA: Okay. I just wanted to make sure it wasn't like, there's a big boss and then there's skitterers and then there's also little babies that cry out.

MATT: You don't know. This is all the information you have.

ASHLEY: But do we know why the baby woke up? What woke the baby?

LAURA: No, we don't know what woke up the baby.

ASHLEY: We didn't ask that? Okay.

LAURA: Maybe we should talk to another dead person.


SAM and TALIESIN: I don't think they'll know.

LAURA: They're not miners.

ASHLEY: They did something in the mine that awoke it. And we can redo it.

TALIESIN: I think anybody who was there who saw it probably died at the center of it.

LIAM: Sorry, we're trying to remember the very first game of DND we ever played and Keyleth, twins, Grog were there.

MATT: Yeah, that's right. That was what was essentially a dead or stillborn deity. A demigod, essentially, in its own pocket plane.

MARISHA: So does it have anything to do with this?

MATT: Roll a religion check.

MARISHA: No. I'm bad at this! (groans)

LIAM: I'm religious!

MATT: Yeah, if you want to, whoever's having this conversation you can make a religion check.

LIAM: Luck of the day. Yes!

LAURA: Natural 20.

MARISHA: Are you serious?

LAURA: No, I haven't rolled. I'm trying to make myself roll it.

LIAM: I got a 19.

LAURA: (gasps) Oh my god I rolled a natural 20!

MARISHA: Shut up!

TRAVIS: She really did.

LAURA: It's like *Run Lola, Run* where she's doing the roulette thing and she's like--

MATT: Okay. You recall a while back that you battled with that entity, you-- what was it called? Crysa-Thul.


MATT: (sighs) This is all I do with my free time, guys. Make up shit for fun. But that was not tiny. That was a very large entity. Like, to the point where you remember there was a 20-foot wide well and a giant fleshy baby arm that slapped out and crawled it out Akira-style. Everyone kept saying small on this one, so you don't know if-- maybe related in some way? But you're not entirely certain. It doesn't appear to be the same kind of thing, necessarily. Not by the descriptor you've heard.

LIAM: Corpse called it a small one, right?

MATT: It called it a small one.

TRAVIS: We're good. We've still got to camp for the night, right?

LAURA: Yeah. We're camping. But we should camp in the trees, y'all. Not in the ground, in case the things come up out.

MATT: Yeah, the thick forest of Herethis surrounds the mine.

LAURA: Oh man.

MARISHA: Can I Druidcraft some web hammocks?

TALIESIN: I mean you can, I mean we've gone to all this trouble, but if we want to add to it. I mean, this is just what we've been doing.

MARISHA: Look, I really like elaborate tree houses.

TALIESIN: No, I understand. I respect the art form.

MARISHA: I can have a rope bridge here.

LIAM: Hammock bed.

MATT: We'll say Druidcraft, which is a very localized and cantrip-based magic, you could, over the next couple hours craft a single web hammock.


MATT: It's a cantrip, yo!

MARISHA: I'll pass. We'll just sleep with the ones we have or whatever

LIAM: A third grade diorama.

MATT: Yeah. This is what it would look like if you were to build to scale. Okay. So you guys find a place in the trees? Who's helming finding that spot? All right. Go ahead and roll an investigation check.

LAURA: 15?

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Oh wait! I honestly don't know anymore what my favored terrain does for me.

MATT: No, this is exactly where to use it because forest is your favored terrain. This is exactly the kind of thing it would help with.

LAURA: I always feel like I'm bullshitting it now. What am I rolling? Investigation?

MATT: Yes.

LAURA: 24.

MATT: 24. You find one massive tree. The trees here can get pretty big, and there's one thick tree that the branches are pretty easy to climb, and up top it branches out and all the various branches that make up the canopy. It's almost like this little bowl at the very top, just underneath where the heavy foliage descends, and it's a perfect place for you guys to make a camp higher up off the ground.

LAURA: Hey, this is a place! Let's do it here!

TALIESIN: I'll unload everything.

MATT: All right, you guys make camp. Who's making first watch?


LAURA: All right.

LIAM: Me, too.

ASHLEY: Oh! Heroes' Feast.

LAURA and MARISHA: Heroes' Feast.

MATT: All right. We'll say as a note, this the last of the chalices you have prepared. If you want to do anymore Heroes' Feasts, you'll have to specifically go and purchase the chalices or go look for it in town.

LIAM: Let's do it!

MARISHA: Is this including or not including that chalice that Grog gave to Vex earlier to drink out of?

MATT: That chalice, while it looks quite delightful, is not worth a thousand gold pieces.

TALIESIN: It's from Medieval Times.

MATT: (laughs) It's a little gaudy.

MARISHA: It's got Michael's. Michael's crafts.

MATT: Yeah, every time you drink from it you get glitter and you're like, shit.

MARISHA: How do you turn it off? Cover it in blankets.

LAURA: Yay, Heroes' Feast.

SAM: We're immune to fear?

MATT: You're immune to fear, immune to poison, and--

LAURA: Advantage on wisdom.

MATT: Marisha, you want to go ahead and roll the additional hit points for Heroes' Feast?

MARISHA: Yeah 2d10, yeah?

MATT: 2d10, I believe.

LAURA: We're losing our 17?

LIAM: Lose our 17 for the speech?

MATT: You do.

TRAVIS: That's why I didn't take them.

MARISHA: (gasps) Ooh! Wait, yeah! Ooh, that's amazing! It's a nine and a ten!

MATT: So 19 additional hit points to all of you guys.

LAURA: If you give us a speech, how long does that last?

MATT: Temporary hit points last until they go down or you take a long rest, I believe. Let me double check.

MARISHA: But this is going to be a long rest?

LAURA: Oh wait, but does that mean we lose our temporary hit points on the Heroes' Feast?

MATT: Well, no. They're different. The Heroes' Feast is in addition to your maximum hit points. Temporary hit points are different. Technically, those two stack. You're about to lose the temporary hit points.

MARISHA: But then at the top of the morning, I can give us another speech.

MATT: Should you be so inclined, yeah.

LAURA: Tight.

MARISHA: Do I have to do it?

TRAVIS: No, you don't. You don't.

MARISHA: Fuck you, Travis. Fuck you.

MATT: You can give the essence of a speech.

MARISHA: Right, I can do an interpretive dance.

TRAVIS: That's better.

TALIESIN: Only if you actually do the interpretive dance.

ASHLEY: Wait, 19 extra?

LAURA: He's giving you a look.

MARISHA: A laser light show. With fireflies. It's like in a Disney Imagineer show.

MATT: It's a speech.

MARISHA: All right, well, it's a speech.

MATT: You can give the essence of it, but the idea here is just you honing your public speaking skills.

LAURA: You're going to get better at it, Keyleth.

LIAM: It's like public debate in high school.

SAM: Toastmasters.

TALIESIN: I love Toastmasters.

MATT: Temporary hit points. They last until they're depleted or you finish a long rest. Yes, I was correct. Cool.

MARISHA: So in the top of the morning.

LAURA and MARISHA: Top o' the mornin'!

MATT: All right. We'll say for the purpose of brevity, because even at your guys' level if you did encounter anything in this forest that was indigenous, you'd splatter it in a round. But you don't have any issues. Nothing really sees you up in the branches. You occasionally get caught off guard by the sound of a nearby (hooting). It's an owl in the trees. But nothing seems to bother you during your evening slumber. You complete your long rest. You still maintain your benefits from the Heroes' Feast, and as morning comes, Keyleth gives a rousing speech.

SAM: Just give us a topic.

MATT: You can just describe the topics you talk about. You don't have to give the actual speech.

MARISHA: That's great, because one can only bullshit so much in a four-hour fucking game. I talk about the smell of our breakfast. It's bacon in the morning. And taste and smell the fleshy essence of the pork.

TALIESIN: Is bacon what we're fighting for?

MARISHA: No, bacon is definitely worth fighting for. Bacon is worth fighting for, and when we kill that celestial baby we will have the godliest bacon one could ever imagine.

SAM: I do like bacon.

TALIESIN: This is the most Burning Man thing that's ever happened on this show. I'm flashing back.

MATT: Keyleth, Voice of the Tempest.

TALIESIN: Bacon. Speech.

MATT: All right, guys. There you go. Take your 17 temporary hit points.

MARISHA: She's not a great talker and has never been one. Just want to point that out. You guys all know this.

MATT: No, it's just her level.

LAURA: Just add that to the 19 then?

MATT: No, because the 17, once the 17 goes it's gone.

LAURA: But the 19 we can heal to?

MATT: It's still your maximum. You can heal to it, yeah. That is the difference.

TALIESIN: I always imagine occasionally Keyleth gives a speech that's like what's-his-name from Animal House.

SAM: Matthew, I'm going to prepare some spells that I'm going to inject into various coins.

MATT: Yes, what are you doing?

SAM: I'm going to drop another 300 gold and give Vex another Revivify.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Grog, you're already a good jumper, right?


SAM: How far can you jump?

TRAVIS: You gave me a Fly coin.

SAM: No, that's gone forever. That's gone. It doesn't last forever. It lasts a couple hours.

TRAVIS: Well, that's bullshit. Yeah, I can jump 15 feet vertically or 20 feet horizontally. So not great. Like three squares.

SAM: I'll give you a Jump coin, so that will triple your jump.

TRAVIS: Will you sing "Jump" from Van Halen?

SAM: Sure. When you do it. Let's see here. Who needs things?

ASHLEY: (Singing) Jump! For my love.

SAM: Oh no, you guys all cast things now, right?

TALIESIN: Not really, why?

LIAM: T, give me something! Show me some magic. Give me a doodad.

SAM: Can you turn invisible?

LIAM: I used to be able to, but I--

SAM: You gave away your ring.

LAURA: Kerr bear. Oh no, it wasn't Kerr bear. It was Tova.

SAM: I'll give you a Blur coin.

LAURA: Don't you already have that with your--

LIAM: That cloak that I gave away?

LAURA: Oh yeah, that one.

MARISHA: That's the one that Kerr bear took.

LIAM and LAURA: That's right.

MATT: Yeah. (laughs) The inventory of the items you've lost to guests.

LIAM: Lost? Gave away.

MATT: Lost and gave away.

SAM: I'll give good old Percival a Cure Wounds coin.

MATT: What level?

SAM: Just one.

MATT: Level one. You got it.

TALIESIN: Yeah. It will hopefully not come in handy.

SAM: And also I'm going to change my Robe of Many Things to my new Robe of Many Things.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: And that's it.

TALIESIN: A Vest of Several Items now.

MATT: (laughs) The Kigurumi of Useful Trinkets.

LAURA: Oh, hey. Well, no. Maybe would this be a bad idea? To shoot an Oracle Arrow down into the bottom?

TALIESIN: I think that's been working out very well for us. It is pitch black down there, though, isn't it?

LAURA: Well. We have this method that we used to do. Light the arrow on fire, and then send it down. So I can see by the light of the fire on it.

LIAM: Would that make your actual eyeballs burn?

LAURA: I don't think so.

SAM: Oh! And I'm going to do one more thing. I'm going to pull out a healing draught bottle, and give it to-- no, you can heal things.

MARISHA: Yeah, I'm all right.

SAM: You don't need to heal.

TRAVIS: Other people, I normally do.

SAM: I give it to Vax.

TRAVIS: I turn into Nurse Betty almost in every fight. What are you talking about?

TALIESIN: Yeah, that's actually true.

LAURA: That's true, he does. He does heal people a lot.

TRAVIS: But that's cool, you give it to somebody that, you know--

LIAM: Well, he can give it to me. I've got 50 things I can do a turn. It was what kind of potion?

SAM: A healing draught. It's not a potion; it's a bottle of healing shit.

LIAM: Oh shit.

SAM: It's 8d8.

ASHLEY and LIAM: 8d8?!

LIAM: I will never give this up. Ever. Thank you. Thank you, Taryon.

SAM: Sure.

TALIESIN: I think that that's a really good idea, shooting an arrow down there.

LIAM: I'm going to set the Deathwalker's Ward to necrotic.

MARISHA: I'll light my hands on fire so that Vex can light her arrows on fire.

TALIESIN: So when we're ready we've got something to light the--

LAURA: Wait, should I cast Pass without a Trace on us? No, I'm going to do the Oracle Arrow first. Oh. What if we wake it up when I shoot it down and things come out?

LIAM: Well, that is a very real possibility.

TALIESIN: Well, then they'll be easier to kill up here than they will be down there.

MARISHA: They'll be 400 meters down I could theoretically drop some awesome Fireballs on their face, potentially.

LAURA: I like this idea. I'm going to cast Pass without a Trace on all of us, just to be safe. So we can stealth and be quiet. Yeah, but they'll just keep falling, won't they?

MARISHA: I don't know.

LAURA: How does that work?

MARISHA: That's a weird magic question.

TALIESIN: This is why magic freaks me out.

MATT: What's the question?

MARISHA: If I drop a Fireball, how long it'll go--

LIAM: Does gravity continue to carry it down?

MATT: Drop a what? A Fireball?

TALIESIN: Fire a Fireball into the abyss. Will it just eventually stop?

MARISHA: Will it keep going?

MATT: Well, a Fireball is a small bead of magic energy that has a range. So if it reaches the end of the range, it has no effect.

TALIESIN: This is why magic's weird.

MARISHA: But I could Keyteor to the bottom.

MATT: You could.

TRAVIS: We're just spoiled for choice.

MATT: You take half bludgeoning damage when you impact.

MARISHA: Yep, advantages to both.

LIAM: Dropping a great height did not go well for you.

TRAVIS: Keyleth, did you roll 17 or 19 on your--

MARISHA: I rolled 19, but then you get an additional 17 because my weird speech about bacon.

MATT: Bacon points. 17 bacon points.

LAURA: It will make the most glorious bacon!

MATT: To be fair, I've eaten some bacon in my time that's given me some temporary hit points. Just saying.

MARISHA: Look, it was inspired, okay?

MATT: Oh, completely.

MARISHA: I'm not wrong.

LIAM: We will not go bacon-less into the night.

MARISHA: Bacon has saved many a people.

LAURA: All right. I'm setting my arrow on fire, and I'm shooting it down into the pit.

MATT: Okay. Oracle Arrow. You fire it. It's a big pit. The radius of a small flame on an arrow doesn't seem to light up the walls. It's not bright enough, so it just descends and descends, and the wood is catching and burning, and eventually it hits the stony, earthy floor at the bottom (arrow impact) and it clatters and breaks a little bit. It's burning pretty heavily, and you glance around the space inside and you can see what looks like some broken mining equipment on the ground, jutting out in places. You see what appears to be some sort of stony platform that is carved, but mildly forgotten or eroded steps, and the rest of the arrow burns up and you lose your vision.

LAURA: That was helpful. Super helpful.

TALIESIN: Worth it. It was worth it. It didn't cost us anything.

LAURA: That's true. I didn't see the great baby beast down at the bottom.

TALIESIN: And that's information we didn't have. And now we know. Great baby beast is not at the bottom--

LAURA: Potentially. In that small circle.

TALIESIN: It's not at the bottom of the topless pit.

LAURA: Okay, so we could the flying carpet down. A couple of people could fly. We can take the flying carpet down.

TALIESIN: Two flyers, plus the carpet.

TRAVIS: The circumference of this thing is massive. The diameter.

MATT: Well, the diameter of the actual hole is maybe about--

TRAVIS: Football field?

MATT: Not quite that big. I'd say it's about 150, 200 feet across?

TRAVIS: Stay away from the walls.

LAURA: You think? The skitterers are going to come out of the walls?

TRAVIS: Yeah, do not come anywhere near the walls.

SAM: When we descend, do we want light to be able to see? Or we don't want things to see us?

LIAM: Good chance they can see in the dark.

TALIESIN: Let's have the flashlights ready, but not activated.

MARISHA: I mean I have a few Daylight spells.

LAURA: It may be good to blind them if they dwell under the surface.

TRAVIS: You know, if we're not in a rush-- (deeper) if we're not in a rush, it might just be nice to send a little mini nuke down into the hole and see what comes out.

TALIESIN: Did your voice just crack?

TRAVIS: Yeah, no, it's like reverse puberty.

TALIESIN: Becoming a man? Okay.

MARISHA: I'm down with that mini nuke. It extends a lot of our magical ranges, unless I want to Keyteor down.

TALIESIN: I think it's better, especially-- have we seen a tree that we can port to in case of an emergency? Or some sort of object that we can port to?

MARISHA: There are definitely a lot of trees, yeah.

TALIESIN: But there will not be a tree down there.


TALIESIN: Do we have an escape route if we need it?

LAURA: We have a flying carpet, two brooms, a set of wings. Up and out.

TALIESIN: Well, all right.

TRAVIS: Just a reminder that I can't ride the carpet.

LAURA: Yes, you can.

LIAM: It's a big one.

TRAVIS: Is it? Is it bigger than the first one?

TALIESIN: Yeah, it's bigger than the first one.

TRAVIS: So I can get on there with everybody else?

LAURA: The only people we need to get on it are Percy and Pike. Everybody else can fly. Unless Keyleth is out of--

MARISHA: Well, I can Polymorph him.

TALIESIN: How much weight can the carpet take?

ASHLEY: I mean, you could technically just go on it alone and I could--

LAURA: Hop on the broom.

LIAM: We are versatile as shit.

ASHLEY: Hop on Vax's back.

MATT: Okay, the flying carpet, the one that you have? 800 pound capacity.


SAM: It's you, right?

TALIESIN: You're 300 pounds, right?

TRAVIS: No, I'm... it's arguable. I'm definitely over 300.

TALIESIN: Okay, so three of us on that carpet: one big one, one little one, and a medium.

MATT: You can fit Grog and one other person.

TRAVIS: He's a big bastard.

SAM: We can take someone a broom.

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: I'll join you on the broom.

LAURA: All right.

MATT: I think you could probably fit Grog, Percy, and Pike.

TALIESIN: Yeah, okay then. That solves it.

SAM: Well, then let's descend slowly and quietly? Is that what we're doing?

MARISHA: Hang on. Before we go, there's a few things I want to do. Let me double check-- I don't want to be a dumbass.

TALIESIN: No, this is very clever. I see what you're going for.

MARISHA: Hang on. Wait. I might need the book. Okay, one of the things I want to do is I want to use my staff to create an air elemental? So I want to take a minute to use my Spire to conjure an air elemental.

MATT: Conjure an air elemental.

SAM: By the way, can I just remind everyone, this whole year I've had one half of a communications bracelet and someone's been watching us the whole time.


SAM: Remember that thing I found?

LAURA: Because you got that down in the fucking Nine Hells, right?

SAM: Yeah. Someone's watching us. For a year.

TALIESIN: Oh my god, they're right there.

LAURA: That is so crazy.


TRAVIS: Yeah, watching you make fucking blondies. All right, this channel's boring.

TALIESIN: The blondie channel.

TRAVIS: He's making armor. Ugh.

LIAM: (guttural, growly) I want a blondie so bad!

MARISHA: I'm going to conjure an air elemental, and then I'm going to go over to Grog and I'm going to give him a big hug and say, for the next hour, no one can keep a hold of you. And I'm going to give him Freedom of Movement.

TRAVIS: What is that?

TALIESIN: Target should now spend five feet of movement to automatically escape from non-magical restraints such as manacles or creatures that have grapple.

MARISHA: You can't be grappled.

TRAVIS: So I just spend five feet of my movement?

MARISHA: You're also unaffected by difficult terrain. And spells and other magical effects can neither reduce the target's speed not cause the target to be paralyzed or restrained.

TALIESIN: You are parkour.

MARISHA: You're parkour.

TRAVIS: I'm Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation.

MARISHA: Because I feel like you've been restrained a lot.

MATT: As you finish the conjuration with the staff and slam it into the ground at the edge of the entranceway, you watch as a nearby cloud starts to swirl and descend, and you hear this cracking sound as the planar shift between your plane and the Elemental Plane of Air briefly hiccups open and then summons forth an air elemental that (whoosh) rushes down under your control. It is concentration. Keep that in mind.


MATT: All righty.

TALIESIN: Let's go.

TRAVIS: Do it.

MATT: So. Two brooms of flying, magic carpet, wings.

LAURA and TALIESIN: (singing) And a partridge in a pear tree.

MATT: And you are...

MARISHA: I know. I'm wondering if I should ahead and go elemental, but I can't cast. Can I get on the carpet? Is there room?

MATT: The carpet's full.

TALIESIN: I'll hop on the broom. You hop on the carpet.

MATT: Okay, we can do that. All right, so you guys slowly begin to descend down this heavy, open tunnel.

LAURA: This is just the stupidest. We're sticking to the middle.

MARISHA: Did you cast Pass Without a Trace?

MATT: Yes. So I would like all you guys, make a stealth check, please.

TRAVIS: Natural 20.

LAURA: Oh shit! Flying carpet! Ooh, shit, and add ten, y'all.


SAM: 21.

LIAM: I rolled a two, but it's a 37.

ASHLEY: That's ridiculous.

LAURA: 39.

LIAM: Built into the rules, man!

MATT: Yep, reliable rogues, man. That's what rogues are good at.




MATT: 30, okay! As you guys all descend, you get about halfway down the tunnel, and you can hear this occasional echo (clicking). And for those of you that have darkvision, you look off to the side and you see there are these small openings, these tunnels in the sides, and occasionally you see a large insect-like creature skitter out (clicking) and then into another hole. None seem to see or notice your presence. You continue delving deeper and deeper and deeper. Looking up above you can see the slowly vanishing circle of daylight above you, and as you continue further and further down, those of you with darkvision, you begin to see a floor begin to approach.

SAM: Don't land?

LAURA: Don't land.

SAM: Do we need light?

TRAVIS: No, not yet. I halt the carpet 20 feet off the ground.

MATT: Okay. You halt the carpet.

LAURA: And we're whispering. We're whispering, but we're not whispering so that people can hear. We're definitely whispering over--

ASHLEY: Can we see any little creature in the middle of anything?

MATT: Make a perception check.

LAURA: Can I look, too?

SAM: I have some sort of a cloak over my helm, since it emits light always.

MATT: Okay. It doesn't block all the light because it's the Helm of Brilliance. As you guys are being somewhat stealthy going down here, Taryon is still a slight beacon of fire. His helmet just emits a glow at all times.

TRAVIS: Cool. Because insects don't love lights in the dark.

MARISHA: I know.

ASHLEY: 25 for perception.

LAURA: 22.

MATT: Okay. You glance about and you can see this opening at the bottom. There's some warping to the earth here. It's one large chamber that's almost peanut shaped, it pinches in the center and closes around, and there's a small tunnel that leads off and then closes at the end. It appears to be what may have been some sort of mine shaft that has then collapsed on the opposite side, but the center here looks like there's some fallen barrels and chest pieces, and there are pieces of rods and rope and cords strewn about. And there's this ancient stone platform that rises up in the center, and what appears to be some sort of a small recess in the stonework there. It looks like it's the size of a football carved downward.

SAM: I was wrong. It only emits light when there's undead around.


LAURA: Is it emitting light? Is it like an orc?

MATT: It is currently not emitting light.

LAURA: Should we just nuke it? Should we just nuke that thing?

TRAVIS: The ancient platform? No, don't do that.

LAURA: Oh, it was like a coffin. Does it look like a coffin?

MATT: You could probably get closer.

TALIESIN: Let's get a little closer.

LAURA: A teeny bit.

MATT: Okay. Because you're a ways from it and you have no light down here. Even with your darkvision, you can make out some details. The closer you get, you see a number of small carvings in what looks like some sort of language that I don't believe you understand.

TALIESIN: Celestial?

MATT: You don't see it. It's pitch black for you, Mr. Human.

LAURA: Abyssal? Draconic?

MATT: Nope.

MARISHA: Primordial?

MATT: Nope.

TRAVIS: Common.

MATT: Nope!

TALIESIN: That would be amazing.

ASHLEY: Dwarvish. Gnomish.

MATT: Nope.

TRAVIS: Giant?

LAURA: Yeah, they're human. They can't see shit.

MATT: The humans are sitting there in pitch black, seeing this tiny little bead of light above and just hoping that someone's going to give them some indicator.

LAURA: Should we cast some light down here?

SAM: Sure. We said that we had prepared our flashlights before, didn't we?

TALIESIN: Oh, we have that low-light version! We have the red light version of it.

SAM: Yes, we do. I'm going to mark off two of these.

LIAM: I can get around very fast. Why don't I go look?

SAM: You want to borrow a flashlight?

LIAM: I have a flashlight.

TALIESIN: You don't speak Celestial.

MARISHA: I can also just cast Daylight, by the by.

SAM: Well, that's what we have going in our flashlights, are Daylight spells.

TALIESIN: Except they're lensed and contained.

MATT: It's contained, but it's still a single beam.

TALIESIN: A beam of red light.

MATT: So you go ahead and get close on the broom.

TALIESIN: And just start to see if I can make out what it is.

MATT: Right. You open up the hood of the light, and it immediately beams this stark red beam down on this portion, and you look at it. It is Celestial.

TALIESIN: What does it say?

MATT: It appears to be runes of gestation and protection. It speaks of a seed, a guardian for ages to come: Symphior.

ALL: Symphior.

TALIESIN: It's an incubator. This isn't a coffin. It hatched.

ASHLEY: So this is the opening of-- this is where it was.

LIAM: Is it a guard cherub?

MATT: You notice as this pale white light begins to slowly appear a little ways ahead of you in the other side of the chamber. This light is emanating from some--

TALIESIN: I snuff. The second.

LAURA: And we back away from the thing.

MATT: You guys begin to drift back on the carpet, and you see this beacon of light hovering maybe ten feet up off the ground, about the same height that you guys were to the platform. And you see there what appears to be a cherub. It's a baby, or an infant, but it appears to be withered and gray, and its arms and legs hang limply, and it has these small, white angel-like wings, but the feathers are tattered and broken in places, and the head's lolled back, and as the glow grows from it, it goes (wheezes, screams) and gives out this heinous scream that echoes throughout the whole hall. You can't help but instinctually grab your ears. I would like you all to make a wisdom saving throw, please.

LAURA: Advantage on!

MATT: Which, actually, you are immune to fear, so it does not affect you. However, it shakes the interior and you watch as small stones (thud) hitting the ground around you. You guys, looking up above, you can see that this scream is affecting the structure a little bit. I need you all to roll initiative.

MARISHA: Oh, that's good!

SAM: Oh, that sucks.

LAURA: Oh shit.

MATT: So we have, up here by the platform.

LIAM: I rolled a 20 on the wisdom save we didn't need to make, and threw it away, and thought, "well, I wanted to keep it," and then I rolled again and I got another natural 20.

MARISHA: Oh shit.

SAM: Whoa, look at that! There's a map.

LAURA: Wow, it's cool-looking! Oh shit, we're right by the baby.

LIAM: Where's the baby?

MATT: There it is.

LAURA: Oh, that's the baby?

MATT: It's very tiny.

LAURA: Oh, it's a mean baby. I feel like it could be saved, because it's--

LIAM: When you say saved, do you mean killed?

LAURA: I feel bad because it's a baby.

MATT: All right. Initiatives. 25 to 20, anybody?

LIAM: 25.

MARISHA: Holy shit.

MATT: Who rolled what?


MATT: Jesus Christ, Percy.

LIAM: So what did you roll?

TALIESIN: I rolled a 19, and my initiative is 11.


LIAM: Wow.

TALIESIN: I am going to debate hard how dumb I'm about to be.

LIAM: The dumbest.

MATT: All right. So 20 to 15.



ASHLEY: What did you get?

LIAM: 25.

ASHLEY: You got a 25, okay.

MATT: All right. 15 to 10?

LAURA: 12.

MATT: Ten to five.

SAM: Oh yeah.

TRAVIS: Eight.

SAM: Six.

MATT: All righty. All right, guys, we're going to keep this coming at everyone fast, because we're going to make this happen. All right, first and foremost, as this creature emerges and you guys are in your respective places, Percival, you're up first.

TALIESIN: Where am I?

MATT: You're up here near the top of the platform, where you saw the recess.

TALIESIN: Goddamn it! Okay, so I'm far away from that little bugger, aren't I?

MATT: Yeah, it appeared on the opposite side of this double chamber. It's all up from there.

TALIESIN: Okay. I'm going to hop off the broom.

MATT: Okay. So you hop off of there.

TALIESIN: Actually, no. You're going to move towards it, I assume?

LAURA: I'm so far below you in the initiative, though.

TALIESIN: Okay, that's fair.

SAM: It's glowing, right, so we can see it even if we don't turn on flashlights and things?

MATT: You can see it, yes, but you cannot see the terrain around you.

TRAVIS: I'm sure we're going to try and talk to it, right?

SAM: Yeah. Maybe it knows my family's name.

MATT: So Percival, what are you doing?

TALIESIN: I'm going to hop off the broom, activate my boots and activate my gloves, and start running through that little choke point, and I'm going to get as close to and possibly on the wall of that choke point as humanly possible. The other side of the choke point.

MATT: Oh, this side? You can get about there. You don't quite get to the wall.

TALIESIN: Okay. I can get about there?

MATT: You can get further, but currently the creature is out of your view.

TALIESIN: That's fine. That's as far as I can get right now. That will be just fine. The gloves are charged, the boots are on, and I'm heading towards the wall.

MATT: Okay. That's your turn?


MATT: All right. Vax?

LIAM: Okay. Boots on, I'm going to arc over to ten feet away from the baby.

MATT: All right. About there?

LIAM: Yeah. Where I am, is it straight up, or am I covered over here?

MATT: It's straight up. Where you see the walls are right now, even this is collapsed about here. In fact, I'd say, to keep it easier, I'll say that's a collapsed entrance there. But this is all a straight-up hole in the ground. It slowly funnels as it gets to the bottom.

LAURA: Whoa.

LIAM: All right. So action, action, bonus action. I'm going to cast Vow of Enmity on it.

MATT: All righty.

LIAM: Then I'm going to throw Whisper at it.

MATT: All righty.

LIAM: That is a 33 to hit.

MATT: That hits.

LIAM: I'm going to cast Divine Smite on it.

LAURA: Good job! Kill that celestial baby!

LIAM: There's a lot of dice here.

LAURA: Get all the bacon!

LIAM: This is ten, plus psychic damage is 11. That's not very good. 11 plus Divine Smite is 12, 19, plus sneak attack damage. 19, 21, 26, 28, 29, 34, 36, 38. And there's nothing extra because it's celestial, not a fiend.

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: All right. So that was bonus action, action, I'm going to use my action to then just fly away from the fucking thing, a hundred feet away diagonally up into the tunnel where I can still see it, hopefully. I'm hasted.

MATT: Right.

LIAM: Movement was to get there. Bonus action for Vow of Enmity. Action to attack, and then my hasted action I can use for dash, hide, disengage.

MATT: Correct. Dash is your full movement, which is--

LIAM: 60 normally, 120 feet hasted. I didn't make these rules or these items. (whoosh)

MATT: Cool.

LIAM: Diagonally up. I'll fly by my sister, how's that.

MATT: You fly by your sister? Okay. No worries. That ends your turn. All right. Pike, you're up.

ASHLEY: Okay. I'm going to cast Beacon of Hope.

MATT: Actually, sorry. Before the end of your turn, it's going to go ahead and use a legendary action to use a terrain shift.

TRAVIS: But it's just a baby!

LAURA: Oh no! We're in its lair!

MATT: Yep. As you stab the creature, it (gasps). There's a horrible sucking sound as you dart back. It looks over in your direction. The wings flutter once and it brings its arms up, and as it does and you land next to your sister, you feel the air around you begin to freeze in cold. This energy's just (crackling). You feel ice crystals condense around, and both of you feel the air in your lungs suddenly begin to freeze up. I need both of you guys to make constitution saving throws.

LAURA: Thanks for coming right next to me on that one. Goddamn it.

LIAM: Natural 20.

MATT: Nice!

LAURA: What am I doing, a constitution?

MATT: Constitution saving throw.

LAURA: Nine.

MATT: All righty. 19 points of cold damage to you, Vex, and that is nine points of cold damage to you, Vax. And while you manage to pull out of this space of condensed cold, Vax, your sister, however, becomes stunned for one round as your body is frozen and locked in place.

SAM: Do we see any of this happen?

MATT: You watch the air coalesce into this frozen area, and while the broom is still holding you aloft, thankfully, you are standing there in place and the ice falls, clatters, and slams into the ground below you, sounding like the shattering of a hundred pieces of crystal across the stonework. Pike, now it's your turn.

ASHLEY: Okay. I'm going to cast Beacon of Hope. And for my bonus action, I'm going to pull out a spiritual weapon of a giant big greatsword.


LAURA: A giant baby rattle that's directly in front of it.

TRAVIS: Don't fight, play with this.

MATT: It's a level two spiritual weapon. Where are you putting the spiritual weapon?

ASHLEY: Right in front of the baby!

MATT: All right. I believe you get to take an attack with it, then, if you do.


MATT: All right. So.

ASHLEY: Oh, but I don't know if I want to hurt the baby. Did you do any damage?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: Once again roll for attack on that.

ASHLEY: Oh, that's not very good.

MATT: So you roll a d20 and add your spell attack modifier.


MATT: 13. (whoosh) It swings, and the creature flaps out of the way and avoids the blow.

ASHLEY: Stupid piece of dice crap.

MATT: Are you going to move or stay where you are?

LAURA: Oh yeah! I'm resistant to cold, Travis just reminded me! I have cold resistance because of my Vorugal armor.

MATT: You do.

LAURA: Does that mean I roll again for--

MATT: No, you take half the damage, but you're still stunned.

LAURA: Oh, okay. So that was 17?

MATT: You would take nine damage instead of the 19.

LIAM: Nine instead of 18 is what you would've taken for it.

LAURA: Okay, so add nine back.

MATT: So do you want to move with your turn?

ASHLEY: No, I'm going to stay.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: I'm going to stay. Because we're on the carpet, right? Grog, Percy, and I on the carpet?

TALIESIN: I'm not on the carpet.

ASHLEY: You're not on the carpet anymore? Oh, the three of us. I'm going to stay on the carpet.

TALIESIN: You can move the carpet forward, though.

LAURA: Did Beacon of Hope get everybody?

MATT: Beacon of Hope. The range on that is 30 feet. 30-foot range gets everybody except for the elemental.

MARISHA: That's cool.

TALIESIN: What do we get?

MATT: Beacon of Hope, you get advantage on Wisdom saving throws, death saving throws, and you regain the max number of hit points possible from any healing.


MATT: All righty. That end your turn?


LAURA: Death saving throw is huge. And healing is huge.

MATT: At the end of your turn, the creature goes (raspy breathing) and you watch as the ground right beneath the carpet explodes. It peels back as molten lava suddenly begins to spill up in a column beneath you, splattering up and to the back and over the top of the carpet. I need everybody in this cluster, this ten-foot-by-ten-foot section, to make a dexterity saving throw.

SAM: Not good, but maybe I'm lucky. Oh, am I not in that? Where am I?

TALIESIN: You're over on the corner.

SAM: I have no idea where I am.

LAURA: You're next to the big white thing.

SAM: I am?

MATT: So Grog, Pike, and Keyleth.

SAM: Oh, well then never mind.

TRAVIS: Danger sense 18.

MATT: Danger sense 18.


ASHLEY: Natural 20.

MATT: Natural 20 plus, what's your--

ASHLEY: One! 21!

MATT: Pike's the only one who made it.


MATT: Pike, you suffer 21 points of fire damage, halved because of your armor, so you only take ten. Ten points of fire damage.


MATT: I need you to go ahead and make a concentration check on Beacon of Hope.

LAURA: You got this. You got this, Pike.

MATT: Just roll a constitution saving throw.

TRAVIS: Fucking molten lava!

MATT: Keyleth and Grog, you guys both take 42 points of fire damage.

TRAVIS: Oh, it was nice being over 250 for a little while.

ASHLEY: Fucking fuck.

MATT: The ground below you right now is currently in flames, and you guys have to stick around that space there. The open ground is billowing flame and lava now, and the area around that platform is searing hot. So what did you roll?


MATT: A five with your--


MATT: Yeah. You lose Beacon of Hope. Sorry.

LAURA: What is it? You have to get above half of the damage you took, is that what it is?

MATT: You have to get above half the damage you took or ten, whichever is higher.


TRAVIS: Do we stay on the carpet or are we knocked off?

MATT: You guys can choose to stay on the carpet. You pull out of the way, and now the area is just billowing with lava and flame. Keyleth, it's your turn.

MARISHA: Okay. I'm going to take and control my air elemental and send him over.

MATT: All right. You took how much damage? 42?


MATT: Make a concentration check. Constitution saving throw.

MARISHA: So I have to get over-- I have advantage on these.

MATT: Yes. You have to get over a 21.

SAM: Over a 21!

MATT: A 21 or over.

MARISHA: What's 17 plus four?

SAM: 21.

MATT: 21. You just maintain concentration.

LAURA: Good roll!

MARISHA: Thank you, Gil! All right. So (boom) I send him over with my staff. It has 90-feet fly speed.

MATT: 90-feet flying speed? Yeah, he gets over there easy. Plops on over.

MARISHA: And he's going to go ahead and do a whirlwind. The creatures in his space have to make a DC 13 strength saving throw.

MATT: Okay. Nope. This is not a very strong creature.

MARISHA: That's what I hoped. They take 3d8 plus two bludgeoning damage.

MATT: Go ahead and roll the damage on that, yeah.

MARISHA: Oh, that's nasty. 12 plus seven is 19 plus two, so 21. And they are flung up to 20 feet away from the elemental in a random direction and knocked prone.

MATT: Random direction, I'll roll for that. Okay. That's going to fling him 20 feet into the five, ten, 15, 20 into the wall right there, and prone.

MARISHA: And are knocked prone.

LIAM: Stupid baby.

MARISHA: Do I still have line of sight?

MATT: To it right now, no. You would have to get off of the carpet to go.

MARISHA: Yeah, I'm going to get off the carpet and walk over just to where I have line of sight.

MATT: Okay. At the top of your turn, by the way, you suffer eight points of fire damage by the proximity to the flaming platform there.

MARISHA: Even though my mantle allows me to ignore the penalties of dangerous weather effects?

MATT: It's not so much a weather effect. It's more that there's a heaping column of molten rock.

TRAVIS: Your old friend, molten lava.

MATT: Eight points of fire damage. And I need you to make another concentration check.

SAM: Oh no, another concentration check!

MARISHA: I'm a warcaster, though, man! Because that's eight, so I just have to get over a ten, right?

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: What is this considered, Underdark, or a dungeon?

MARISHA: Rolled a 13.

MATT: This is considered subterranean, not Underdark. Cavern. All right, so you've done that. What do you want to do, Keyleth? You're over here.

MARISHA: Okay. Can I move over to where I have line of sight?

MATT: Yeah, so you leap over and you get line of sight on him right there.

MARISHA: Okay, can I do Blight?

MATT: Sure. What's the DC on that?

MARISHA: I think my spell level, so 20.

MATT: And it's a constitution saving throw, I believe?


MATT: Six plus ten, so it's a 16.

MARISHA: No, fail.

MATT: Yeah. So roll your 8d8 necrotic damage.

LAURA: Get it!

MATT: Yeah, no. Even with advantage on the save, it rolled a six and a four.

MARISHA: One, two, three, four. Give me two more. One more, and another.

TALIESIN: I don't know if I have another.

MARISHA: Give me a d8. Okay.

TALIESIN: And you reroll ones, right?

MARISHA: No, on elementals. Four, five, nine, 14, plus eight is 22, plus four is 26, plus two is 28. 28 blight damage.

MATT: Nice. As you reach, it's on the ground. It's trying to get back up, and its wings are flapping, and all of a sudden you watch as its gray, withered skin turns dark black on one half of its body and it (screech) shrieks out and gives another scream (hoarse scream) from the ground, and the area quakes again, and you feel the ground shimmy a bit. The ground beneath you, as its last legendary action, begins to give way. Keyleth, I need you to make a dexterity saving throw.

MARISHA: Fucking lava!

TALIESIN: Didn't you move? Wait, no, you moved, didn't you?

MATT: Yeah, this is a different area.

MARISHA: That's not bad. 19. No, 18?

MATT: Nope. So as you finish casting this and you hear it scream, you cover your ears, and suddenly the ground moves out beneath you. You watch as the actual floor (whoosh).

MARISHA: I turn to everyone behind me and I go, aw, fuck!

MATT: As you watch Keyleth plummet into a pit below. You take eight points of bludgeoning damage and the ground (whoosh) covers over her.

MARISHA: It's fine.

MATT: Keyleth vanishes. The ground seems to swallow her up. Keyleth, the entire pit collapses in on you, and you're currently restrained underground, and you cannot breathe.

MARISHA: All right.

TALIESIN: That's fixable.

SAM: But can you cast things while you can't move?

MATT: I need you to make another concentration check.

MARISHA: On my elemental?

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: Yeah, 13 plus my constitution, right?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Yeah, I'm good.

MATT: Okay. That ends your turn, Keyleth?

TRAVIS: Matt, can you point to where the cherub is?

MATT: I am, because it's his turn. The cherub creature, this Symphior, begins to fly up off the ground and make its way back in this direction, out into the open once more.

LIAM: Keeps everyone from getting a good night's sleep.

LAURA: He needs a nap.

ASHLEY: He has a dirty diaper. He's mad.

LIAM: It's been a thousand years!

MATT: As it floats upward, it looks over towards where-- let's see, because all it sees is you two. You both are still in the flames right there. It's not worried about the fire at the moment. It sees you, Taryon, and goes (hoarse wheezing) and lifts its hands up. I need you to go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw.

SAM: I'm feeling lucky. Natural 20! Plus one.

MATT: That's great. So you only suffer 11 points of piercing damage.

SAM: Hey, that's not bad.

MATT: As you leap out of the way, you watch as the ground suddenly turns into a series of earthlike spikes underneath, and some pierce you and scratch you and you roll out of the way. You barely move off to the side, where now you see this giant, jutting series of spike-like pillars forcing up from the ground. All right, that's going to end that attack, and it's going to use the rest of its movement to move back (whoosh) over to there in the corner. That brings us back to Vex. It's your turn now.

LAURA: Yeah, I'm frozen.

MATT: Yeah, so you're stunned, and that's your turn.


MATT: You eventually break the ice off at the end of your turn, and you're breathing heavily and trying to get the feeling back in your skin. That's your go. Grog, you're up.

TRAVIS: What does it take to activate the coin?

SAM: You have to slap it on yourself.

MATT: It's an action.

TRAVIS: Yeah? Just an action?

MATT: Which spell do you have?

TRAVIS: It's the Jump coin, three times my--

MATT: What's the casting time of Jump?

SAM: It's touch.

MATT: What's the casting *time* of Jump?

SAM: It lasts a minute. It's instantaneous. You just touch, right?

TALIESIN: No, is it a bonus action?

MATT: So that would be your action to use it on yourself.

TRAVIS: Oh, damn. It's that whole shit, yo. All right. (grunts) I'm going to jump! And I would like to rage as my bonus action. And with my new Jump coin, I would like to jump with my Boots of Feral Leaping. It's three times my horizontal jump speed, which is 20 feet, so 60 feet.

MATT: Okay. You also take seven points of fire damage at the start of your turn, because you're by this flame.

TRAVIS: Oh, got it. Nice, that's fine. And can I jump towards the baby? Actually just to the right of the-- just over here.

MATT: Over to this side there?

TRAVIS: Yeah, right there.

MATT: Okay, yeah. You run (whoosh, thud) land next to it.

TRAVIS: Nice. Do I have any movement left?

MATT: With the run and the jump, you have maybe ten feet.

TRAVIS: Okay. I want to get right up on him.

MATT: Yeah, you're right up on him.

TRAVIS: Never mind. I'm good. Rage, jump, no more action. Titan Stone Knuckles? Next round. Okay.

MATT: You have an action, still.

TRAVIS: Oh, I do?

MATT: Well, no because you said it's a bonus action to do the leap? What's it say on that? Just to do the leap, right? It was the run. You still have an action.

TRAVIS: I want to hit him.

MATT: Go for it.

TRAVIS: Great weapon master, reckless attack.

MATT: Okay!

TRAVIS: That's a 26.

MATT: 26 with the minus five? Yeah, that hits.

TRAVIS: Nice. 12. Where are you? I should have gotten this beforehand. Nice! Plus ten. 37.

MATT: All righty. That's your first strike.

TRAVIS: Oh, I get another one!

MATT: You have extra attack, man!

TRAVIS: 11, 24.

MATT: 24 does not hit. It's a tiny size. It's hard to swing at, and as your axe almost catches it, it (whoosh) out of the way.

TRAVIS: Okay. Good to know. I whiff. That's it. I just have the two.

MATT: Yep, that's your turn. At the end of your turn, because it's reset back to its ground, it's going to go ahead and look to you in front of it and go (hoarse breathing). Make a dexterity check.

TRAVIS: Okay. Saving throw or just dexterity?

MATT: Dexterity saving throw, sorry.

TRAVIS: I get two of those. That's better. 19.

MATT: The ground crumbles beneath you and you suddenly (whoosh) fall below. You are raging. It would've been 12 points of bludgeoning damage, but it becomes six. But you are suddenly buried and restrained underground.

LIAM: Got that slick stuff on you? Crisco oil?

TRAVIS: But that's my next turn. That happens on my turn.

TALIESIN: Yeah, you burn five feet of movement to get out of it.

TRAVIS: Can I get out of it if I'm buried in soil, though?

MATT: Freedom of Movement. I'll say it doesn't have--

MARISHA: That's why I cast it on him, man.

TALIESIN: You parkour around the rocks as they try and--

MATT: Well, he's buried in the ground, regardless. That's the effect. He didn't avoid the burying. So I guess you'd just, if you want to use your action to try to escape, you do so.

LAURA: You could enlarge, maybe. You can enlarge and come up out of it.

MATT: All right. That ends that go. Taryon, you're up.

SAM: Me? Oh god. All right. I don't have anything I can do. I will click my Boots of Speed, making me faster, and then I will move. Full movement of 60 feet towards him-- or her. We don't know, do we?

LAURA: Is it wearing a diaper, or is its dangly bits hanging out?

LIAM: Is a peeper hanging out?

SAM: Is it naked?

MATT: You've got a pretty close look, if you wanted to take a moment to inspect.

LIAM: It's a boy!

SAM: We're trying to kill this thing, yeah?


SAM: I guess I'll punch a baby. It's going to miss, though. That's a slippery baby, right?

MATT: At 60 feet of movement, you're not quite within melee range of it.

SAM: No, I was going to use my Ring of the Ram.

MATT: Oh, that'll do.

SAM: But I'm probably not going to hit, because it's got an amazing AC.

LIAM: Got any luck left?

SAM: Yeah, I do.

TALIESIN: See what happens.

LIAM: Got to do something.

SAM: Is this going to be a long fight? I'll do all three charges of the Ring of the Ram, and punch a baby.

MATT: Okay, go ahead and roll for an attack.

SAM: Eight. Not good enough, I'll use luck. 13 plus nine? 22.

ASHLEY: Wait! Can I War God's Blessing?

MATT: What's the range on War God's Blessing?

ASHLEY: Let's see. 30 feet?

MATT: No, he's out of range for that, unfortunately. Sorry!

LIAM: I wanted that baby to be punched so bad.

MATT: As you (ring firing), it (whoosh) out of the way and the fist goes by. Slamming into the wall. (crash)

TALIESIN: One day, it's going to be epic.

SAM: It worked once.

MATT: It got you a kill. The Marid.

LIAM: That little baby just Zatoichi-ed out of the way.

MATT: Yeah, so you're just like, (ring firing). No effect. It dodges out of the way. And now you can see its weird, lifeless white eyes turn towards you once more.

SAM: Oh, great.

MATT: That end your turn?

SAM: Yep.

MATT: All righty. Let's see here. It's going to go ahead and use another ability now. As it sees that you're closed in, it glances over, and you watch as suddenly, a bunch of stonework just (rushing noise) up in the center of the area, as now--

MARISHA: Oh, fuck. One of these guys. What? A wall?

MATT: A giant stone wall suddenly shoots up above to about 40 feet.

SAM: We got this, guys. Don't worry. Me and Grog got it. Me and buried-Grog and buried-Keyleth, we got this.

MARISHA: Wait, you're buried, too?

SAM: No, you are and Grog is.

MARISHA: I'm under the wall, right?

MATT: You're underneath right over here. You're on the outskirts of the wall.

SAM: It's just me and the baby right now?

MATT: Yeah, you and the baby, and an air elemental, and a giant sword that's swinging.

MARISHA: Yeah, my air elemental is there.

SAM: Oh, great. I'm fine, then.

MATT: But you lose vision entirely, Pike. Just (rushing noise) wall's in front of you. Percy, you're up.

TALIESIN: So is the wall hitting the roof?

MATT: No, the wall would have to go way high. It's about 40 feet up.

TALIESIN: I'm going to run up to the top of that wall.

MATT: Your movement will not get you to the top. Because you only move 30 feet.

TALIESIN: How far will my movement get me?

MATT: It'll get you about there.

ASHLEY: Parkour!

TRAVIS: Like some unmotivated Spider-Man.

TALIESIN: In that case-- oh fuck, I've got nothing I can do.

MATT: I'll put you right there to remind us, but you're almost at the top of the wall at your full movement.

TALIESIN: Well, then I will burn my action to dash up.

MATT: Okay. You get to the top of the wall, there, and you can now see it.

TALIESIN: And I assume I can get part of the way down the wall as well with my action?

MATT: You can get partway down the wall, yeah.

TALIESIN: Yeah, so I just want to start making my way, I'm going Spider-man.

MATT: So you get about, I'll say, there on the opposite side.

TALIESIN: That was definitely irritating.

MATT: That's your turn, Percy?

TALIESIN: That, and I'm going to cast Hex on that little baby. And he has disadvantage on, let's make it his wisdom checks.

MATT: Okay. All right. At the end of your turn, Percy. Let's see, it's going to go ahead and use--

TALIESIN: That's a lot of actions, this creature.

MATT: It's legendary actions. It manipulates the area around it. Because you are currently standing on the side there. No, you know what, it's going to hold off. It's not going to do anything. Vax, you're up.

TALIESIN: I haven't actually technically attacked it.

LIAM: I know what I want to do. You tell me what I can do. First thing I want to do is cast Bless on-- I grab Vex, cast Bless on us and Pike, I have a range of 30 feet on it.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Is that bonus? No, I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that. I fly straight at Pike and I'm going to lift her up.

MATT: Okay, you immediately take eight points of fire damage by getting close to the flames to grab her. It's like (fire noises).

LIAM: Sure. And then is it an action to grab and an action to lift and carry over?

MATT: I'd say it would be an action to grab her enough, and you're going to move at half speed with her.

LIAM: Which is still a ton at this point.

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: And that's all I need is the action to grab her and movement to go over?

MATT: Action, and your movement there was about there, I'd say you'll get your action and your movement will get you to up above the wall.

LIAM: Okay. Action and movement will. All right, then I will leave her on top of the wall, and I will use my bonus action to fly within range of baby, and I should have one action left, yeah? Action, action, bonus action, hasted.

MATT: Right. Hold on, no. You used an action to pick up Pike. You brought her up there, you moved, you have another action and a bonus action. You have an action and a bonus action. But the extra action that you have is from your haste, which means it can be used for either a melee attack or ranged.

LIAM: Great. So the bonus action I will use to dash towards baby. And my final, hasted attack action, I will stay 30 feet away from the baby, though, in the air, and I will throw Whisper with my last, hasted action.

MATT: Okay. There you go. Put you down there.

LIAM: And that's a 25, which hits, yeah?

MATT: That hits. That just hits, yeah.

LIAM: One, and can I dump Smite into this?

MATT: If you'd like to, yeah.

LIAM: I would like to. There's nine plus psychic damage is 16 plus-- 20, 26, and here comes the sneak attack damage, 26, 27, 29, 30, 33, 37, 43, 47.

MATT: 47? Nice. As you swipe down to (whoosh) fling Whisper out, it slams right into the chest of the creature and it impales it off the back side and there's the burst of divine energy inside, but you see the divine energy matches its own, and what looks like a blow that would've killed the creature, it's like, (raspy inhale). Turns back towards you, and gives another scream as the dagger returns to you. End of your turn?

LIAM: That's the end of my turn.

MATT: All right, at the end of your turn, it's going to use its last legendary action. It's going to use another cold snap. You feel the air around you, familiar, (whoosh) condense, and the ice cling to you. The air in your lungs freezes solid, it seems. Go ahead and roll a constitution saving throw.

LIAM: Going to use another luck. 25.

MATT: 25 will succeed, all right. So you shrug off the stunned effect, but you do still suffer the halved damage. 13 points of cold damage. All righty. Pike, you're up. Top of your turn, you suffer no damage, because you got out of the fire. You're at the top of the wall now.

ASHLEY: All right. If I climb down there, it's an athletics thing?

MATT: Yes.

ASHLEY: Oh, okay. I'll climb down.

MATT: Roll an athletics check. It's 40 feet down. So that's going to be a long climb.


LAURA: Oh no.

TRAVIS: Oh, is it really? Is it fucking really?

MATT: It's a natural one?


TRAVIS: Who put her on the top of a 40 foot wall?

LAURA: Just picked her up and dropped her there.


LIAM: She can see and cast spells!

ASHLEY: I have Feather Fall with my shield.

MATT: You do. So you use your reaction to cast Feather Fall on yourself as you stumble off the side, and as you plummet about 20 or so of the 40 feet (whoosh, soft impact) and you land unscathed on the ground.

ASHLEY: Okay. Is that just my action?

MATT: That's your reaction to do that. With the shield.

ASHLEY: Okay. How close am I to the baby? Can I get to the baby?

MATT: Not physically. It's over here and you're at the base of the wall.

LIAM: It's like 50 feet.

ASHLEY: All right.

MATT: You can get within range to it.

ASHLEY: So you know what? I'm going to (sings) Guiding Bolt the baby!

MATT: Okay, what level?

ASHLEY: Let's do five. 5th-level.

MATT: Oh, shit, okay. Go ahead and roll for an attack on that. Wait, is Guiding Bolt an attack? No, is it a saving throw? I think it's a saving throw, isn't it? I always forget that. No, it's a ranged spell attack, so you have to roll to hit it. Go ahead and roll a d20 and add your spell attack modifier.

ASHLEY: It's not enough I don't think. 19? I will use Guided Strike.

MATT: Because you can do that! Guided Strike, you get to add that to your own attack?


TRAVIS: Channel Divinity.

MATT: (laughs) Still checking it. Guided Strike. Yeah, plus ten to the roll. That'll do it. 29, boom. Go ahead and roll damage on that.

ASHLEY: How many sixes? Let's see.

MATT: Well it's four levels above that, so it's 8d6 radiant damage.

ASHLEY: I'll get five, six, seven, eight. Okay, so we've got six, 12. Help me out here, guys. 18. Oh, wow.

LAURA: You rolled a lot of sixes!


TRAVIS: She rolled six sixes.

MATT: Six sixes?

MARISHA: What do you mean?

LIAM: She rolled a ton of sixes.


MATT: 42 points?

TRAVIS: I'm looking at them.

LAURA: They're all sixes.

ASHLEY: We choose to kill this celestial baby not because it is easy, but because it is hard!

MATT: So as you land gently on the ground after plummeting head over heels. (thuds, fire blast) Holding your holy symbol before you, you watch as this beam of condensed divine energy rockets across, and this tiny, floating, withered planar baby (fire blast) gets blasted. You watch as the wings get pushed back. It's holding itself in place, but you see the dark shadow outline as the energy is blasting through it. As it hits, its wings recoil, and it's still floating there, but you can see this sparkly outline of divine energy, because the next attack on it has advantage.

ASHLEY: Do I still have a bonus action?

MATT: You do. Your sword's still up.

ASHLEY: I'll use the spiritual weapon.

MATT: Spiritual weapon, you can move 20 feet as a bonus action. It moves up and takes a swipe. Go ahead and roll an attack.

ASHLEY: Oh crap, my boots are stuck together. How is this happening? Okay. Yeah, the hook on the top there.

LAURA: That's how she fell off the wall.

ASHLEY: Ooh. That's a 29.

MATT: 29 hits! Yeah, so go ahead and roll the damage for the spiritual weapon, which is 1d8 plus five, I think, for you. Whatever your wisdom modifier is.

ASHLEY: Sorry, guys. I don't know what I'm doing. Oh, that's not a lot. Seven.

MATT: Seven points of damage. It all helps. All righty. Keyleth, you're up.

MARISHA: I'm underground, right?

MATT: You're underground, you are restrained, you are blind. You cannot see anything.

MARISHA: (growls) I'm going to go earth elemental.

MATT: Okay!

TALIESIN: I'm amazed he didn't already have it out of the bag.

MATT: And with that ability, you get an earthglide, and this is a non-issue for you. All righty, Keyleth. So you are an earth elemental.


MARISHA: Do I have enough movement to earthglide to them?

MATT: What's your speed?

MARISHA: I think 60, earthglide?

MATT: 60, earthglide? Yeah, totally. You're moving into melee with the baby?

MARISHA: Okay, can I come up from underground, grab them, and then beat them into the ground?

MATT: Sure. Go ahead and roll a slam attack.

TALIESIN: Puny god!

MATT: Make two slam attacks, so roll twice. It's plus eight to attack each time.

MARISHA: That's cocked. Natural 20 on that one, and a four on a second one, which is 12.

MATT: Yeah, that misses.

MARISHA: Okay, but that one is a natural 20.

MATT: As you reach up out of the ground from underneath, (impact noise) your fingers clasp around the celestial baby and (whack) slam it into the ground as hard as you can. Go ahead and roll damage on that. 2d8 plus five, so roll the 2d8.

MARISHA: And then you double the 2d8.

MATT: You double whatever you did for the 2d8 and then add five. Crit that baby. It's our next t-shirt: Crit that baby!

MARISHA: Six doubled, which is 12, plus five doubled, which is ten, so that's 22.

MATT: The bonus isn't doubled. Just the dice.

MARISHA: I know. Just the dice is 22, plus five. So 27.

MATT: That's great. 27 points of damage. (wham) Slamming onto the ground. As your hand retracts up, you can see the wings are-- as it starts to fly up, it (gasps).

MARISHA: And I just want to hold onto it and be like, yo! Yo, air elemental! And then let my air elemental come over and do its thing. Double slam attack.

MATT: Go for it.

MARISHA: Slam attack. No, I'm going to do a multi attack. Two slam attacks. So 2d8 plus eight, once again. That's an 18 and a 17. Plus eight.

MATT: 18 and 17 plus eight?

MARISHA: Yeah, so 26 and 25.

MATT: Both hit. Go ahead and roll damage.

MARISHA: Which is 3d8 plus two. So the first one, oh! Six, seven, eight, plus seven, which is 15. For the first one, 15 plus two. 17. And then the second one is eight, plus two fives, which is 18 plus two, so 20.

MATT: Nice.

TALIESIN: And he gets flung in a random direction?

MATT: No, this was just hitting it. (impacts) All righty. That's the end of your turn? All right. As it comes back to the entity's turn, it's looking really, really rough. And as part of that, it's going to reach into itself. Its hands push into its torso, and as it screams, (raspy scream) it gives out this horrible scream as it tears some of its chest open, and from the inside, where you imagine it would be a ribcage, it's this impossibly bright light that echoes out in a shockwave, affecting everybody except for Vex, actually. I need everybody else to make a constitution saving throw.

TALIESIN: All of us?

MATT: Yes.

SAM: Oh boy. That don't look good.

TALIESIN: We don't have advantage on this, do we?

MATT: Nope!

TALIESIN: I'm going to burn a resolve.

MARISHA: Constitution: that's part of my physical stats as being an elemental, correct? It's con, strength, and dex. Never mind. Yeah.


SAM: 22.

MATT: 22. That succeeds.



LIAM: 24.

MATT: That succeeds. Pike?


MATT: Okay.


MATT: Succeeds. Everyone who succeeds, you suffer 48 points of radiant damage.

SAM: Radiant damage?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: 48 on a success. Whoa.

MATT: If you failed, you took 96 points of radiant damage.

TALIESIN: Wait, that's magical. I have advantage. The cloak wouldn't--

MATT: The cloak doesn't say a spell effect?

TALIESIN: Against spells and other magical effects.

MATT: Technically, because it's not a leveled spell, it's just a radiant blast, it would not affect it.

TALIESIN: It wouldn't have given me advantage on that save?

MATT: No, it wouldn't.

ASHLEY: 96, you said?

MATT: 96 points of radiant damage. So Keyleth, I need you-- your elemental has gone berserk.

MARISHA: There's no way.

MATT: Aside of rolling a 20. Go for it. Just try.

MARISHA: Unless I roll a nat 20? They just do their own thing if you fail.

TRAVIS: What do you got to roll, a 20? Percy, bless that shit.

MATT: Even so, I'm letting you have this opportunity.

MARISHA: I rolled a 19.

MATT: Nope. So as the Conjure Elemental spell fails, the control of your elemental shifts, and now it's aggressively turning its attention towards you and the rest of your party.

MARISHA: Can I not fade it after this? Oh, I can drop concentration on it and then it will go away, right?

MATT: No. That's not how this works.

TRAVIS: Did you just put--

LIAM: A new enemy on the map.

SAM: A new opponent enters.

MARISHA: To be fair, didn't it also get affected by the blast?

MATT: Yeah, actually. Roll a constitution saving throw for the air elemental. It's a plus two.

MARISHA: I rolled a 13, plus two, so 15.

MATT: The air elemental is actually destroyed. To your advantage, strangely.

MARISHA: It only has 90 hit points, so it's fine, guys! It's fine.

MATT: All right, so the entity looks like it's barely hanging on, and you see parts of its internal body falling out from where it tore its chest open. It's going to use a bonus action to Misty Step out of this vicinity over to here. It's going to use its movement to fly high up, almost trying to escape the cavern now. It's up in that region right there. We'll say, here. On top of this. Turn that away.

LAURA: Oh, look how teeny! I can finally see it.

ASHLEY: Above a fountain.

LIAM: It's a faerie dragon.

LAURA: It's so teeny.

MATT: All righty. Vex, you're up.

LAURA: I guess I'll fly up so I can see over the wall. I have no idea what's going on.

MATT: You fly up and you see everyone below is wrecked, the ground is charred with some sort of a radiant blast. You watched it flash over the wall itself, like a small, rapid recreation of the intro of Akira. (boom) This big, arcing ball of white energy.

LAURA: Wow. Can I Hunter's Mark the baby?

MATT: Sure.

LAURA: And then I'm going to try to shoot the baby with my Blazing Bowstring. That would be a 30. And I'm going to make it a bramble shot.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Ball of vines in the air.

LAURA: DC of 17.

MATT: Strength?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: I actually rolled a natural 17.

LAURA: Motherfucker. Okay, well.

MATT: But it still takes the damage.

LAURA: Still 4d8 extra. Well. 17, plus five is 22, plus eight is 30, plus two is 32, plus 1d6 lightning damage... 35, plus 1d6 for Hunter's Mark is 40.

MATT: 40, nice! So as it hits, you watch as the brambles try and wrap around it, but it actually flies free.

LAURA: Oh wait! Plus the blazing bowstring, another two fire damage.

MATT: 42 total. You can see more of it's just falling out of its small, decomposing torso, and it's trying to fly upward now, towards the light. It's on the edge.

LAURA: I want to try to do the same thing again.

MATT: Okay, go for it.

LAURA: With a Blazing Bowstring again. 28.

MATT: 28 hits. Roll damage.

LAURA: Okay, bramble shot again, because I get two, motherfucker! That's ten for my Blazing Bowstring. Oh, Jesus H. Macy. 19, plus five is 24, plus eight is 32, 36, Oh my god, 34. 38, plus ten is 48.

MATT: How do you want to do this?


TRAVIS: Frozen no more! Freeze me at your peril!

LAURA: Be free, little angel baby. We shall feast tonight! That's so gross. And I just shoot the baby.

MATT: All right. As you pull back as it's fluttering up, you take aim and release, and as the arrow strikes it, you can see, the same way the dagger hit the baby, it hits it, and throws it, the sheer force of the arrow against the wall, and pins it there like it's stapled to the rock. As it reaches over to try and pull the arrow out, and it begins to, suddenly the arrow (whoosh) breaks into a bunch of bramble vines that begin to wrap around it, and you watch as the tiny baby arm and wing try and reach out (choking) as it constricts and twists and slowly constrains it until you see it (crack) pop and go limp on the inside of the vines. And as the vines unfurl, what was physically there is slowly dissipating into a glitter-like powder. The body dissipating and falling apart.

LAURA: I mean, it was an evil baby, right?

TRAVIS: Yeah, nobody likes glitter.

MARISHA: Yeah, glitter gets everywhere.

LAURA: Should we get out of here?

TRAVIS: (muffled) I don't mean to be rude!

MARISHA: I run over to Grog. I'm still in elemental, yeah? I am still in elemental. Where is he?

MATT: You don't know, actually.

SAM: I saw it. I'll point down.

MARISHA: You point. I earthglide and I find him.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: And I can do double damage to structures. Can I beat him out?

MATT: I'd say you could probably, over time, yeah. You have enough constitution to be fine.

MARISHA: I don't want to kill him by suffocating.

MATT: No, he's fine. He can hold his breath for six minutes. He's got a really high constitution, so you're fine. You slowly pummel the rock out from his way and pull Grog out from the interior of the stone floor.

TALIESIN: Yeah, we should head out and bug bomb the place.

TRAVIS: Don't we need proof?

TALIESIN: Grab the body. Let's go.

SAM: There's no body!

MARISHA: I go over to the glitter and I get some of my potion bottles from my alchemy to scoop some. Oh, I'm actually good at this. I try and harvest some, sweep some glitter.

MATT: Okay. So you gather some glitter in.

TALIESIN: Really quick, just look around, is there anything of value to grab before we run?

MATT: Make an investigation check.

SAM: I'll look, too.

LAURA: While they're doing that, can I just look over the ground and see if there's any platinum deposits?

SAM: We could do a quick mining.

MATT: I mean, there are a number of visible edges of veins.

LIAM: Is there 230,000 gold worth?

SAM: Probably. We could stay here for a couple months.

MATT: In this whole mine, there's a lot of platinum, but you have to mine it. And as you guys are having this moment, you begin to hear the loud sound of hundreds of large insect-like creatures climbing their way down the walls.

LAURA: Oh god. Get to the middle and get in the air.

MARISHA: Okay, so I get everybody in the middle. Is everyone ready?

TRAVIS: I need help.

TALIESIN: We pulled you out.

MARISHA: What do you mean, you need help?

TRAVIS: I'm on the other side of the 40-foot wall from the carpet.

MARISHA: I go (boom) and I pull Grog through.

LAURA: No, the carpet. We just got to get the carpet. I can go down and grab the carpet.

MARISHA: Oh, the carpet. I take a few minutes as my earth elemental self to beast through...

LAURA: We don't have a few minutes.

MARISHA: I can do double damage to structures.

LAURA: You don't have to do that. I can go get the carpet. I'm right there.

MARISHA: Oh, okay. Go get the carpet.

MATT: Okay. So you rush over and grab the carpet. And you guys begin to make your way back up through.

LAURA: Are we bamfing out or are we flying up?

TALIESIN: I think we're flying up and if we see anything we'll just take shots at anything that's rolling around, if anything is visible. Let's just do damage on our way out.

MARISHA: Oh, we're doing damage as we fly out.

LIAM: Or we could Tree Stride out?

TALIESIN: We can't Tree Stride. There's no trees.

LAURA: Or we can Plane Shift.

MATT: There is a small tree growing out of the side of the wall from where you killed the creature, but it's not large enough for that spell.

LAURA: But still really cool!

MATT: Yeah, it grows and twists out, like a bonsai curves upward.

LAURA: I hope that it slowly becomes a forest underground.

TRAVIS: They're going to chop it down as they mine the platinum.

MATT: All right, so you guys are coasting up through the shaft?

MARISHA: Oh, are we just riding up?

TRAVIS: Straight up.

MARISHA: Broom and carpet? Broom and carpet.

MATT: Okay. You guys begin heading up through the center column of this opening. As you're moving up, are you staying in the darkness?

LAURA: Can you Daylight or something, like up and out?

MARISHA: I can. Do we need to?

TALIESIN: You know, at this point, it might be.

MARISHA: On the top of my spire I cast Daylight.

MATT: Okay. So (boom) this light now emerges from this area, and as you can see now through this cavern around you, there's about a dozen or so of these large ankheg creatures, about every 30 feet or so, 40 feet up. You're in the center of-- you look up and you can see easily the hundred that you saw earlier have all been drawn to the surface by the screams of this creature. And as you begin rocketing up with this Daylight spell, you watch as some of them start hanging upward in your direction. You start hearing this sound, (hiss).

MARISHA: Are they attracted to the Daylight?

MATT: They're apparently attracted to your presence. It is a line shot. I'm going to go ahead and have, let's see here. Percy and Vex, I need you guys to both make a constitution saving throw.

TRAVIS: Oh shit. Oh god, we did not-- pretty sure you said that last time, before you turned into Chef Boyardee.

MATT: Sorry, sorry, not constitution. Dexterity, my apologies.

LAURA: Dexterity saving throw? That is so much better.

TALIESIN: Should I reroll? Yeah, I'll reroll.

LAURA: Should you reroll?

MATT: Yeah, roll again; it's fine.

LAURA: 27.


MATT: Yeah, you both make it. So you both suffer eight points of acid damage.

TALIESIN: I want to start taking shots as high up as I can see, I want to start taking shots at these things.

LAURA: Yeah, I'll do the same thing.

MATT: There are over a hundred. And they take more than a few shots to go. We'll say you start picking them off, a few as you go, but you watch them fall past you. There's just such a mass number of them. As you guys get up another 40 or so feet, (spray sound) again. From three different ones. All right, I need Taryon, Percival, and Vex again to make dexterity saving throws.

SAM: Natural 20!

MATT and TRAVIS: Nice!

TALIESIN: I'll live with that. 17.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: 23.

MATT: Okay, six points of acid damage to the three of you.

SAM: Halved to three for me.

MATT: You make your way up even further. You're about halfway up this tunnel at this point and now you're getting to the heavy cluster of these creatures. At this point, a large cluster of them begin to spray all across. I need all of you guys to make two dexterity saving throws. Anybody get lower than a 13?



MATT: For one?

TRAVIS: For the second one.

MARISHA: Lower than a 13?

MATT: Yeah. That would be all of you except for Pike and Grog take a total of 14 points of acid damage. Both of you guys, for the purposes of this, take 21 points of acid damage.

SAM: You okay there, Pikey-pants?

ASHLEY: Yeah, I'm fine!

TRAVIS: I'm okay.

MATT: As they're shooting and you hear the gunfire (gunshots) going off, you fire the arrows. More and more of these ankhegs are falling and crumbling off. You hear the (screeching) as they streak past you, plummeting into the darkness below. Even more so, throwing streams out. However, their numbers are starting to thin because you've gone past the thick part of it. Vax, Pike, and Grog. The three of you guys roll dexterity saving throws, please.


LIAM: 19.



MATT: Okay. Six points of acid damage, six points of acid damage, 12 points of acid damage.

LAURA: How much further do we have to go up?!

MATT: You guys, with the brooms and the carpet, it's not super fast. Putting up there again. You get about three-quarters of the way up.

SAM: What is Pike riding on?

MATT: She's on the carpet.

ASHLEY: I'm on the carpet. I'm okay.

LAURA: You should heal yourself!

ASHLEY: I know.

MARISHA: Can I do a Wind Wall to protect us from around us?

MATT: Wind Wall is stationary. It might help with one round of the spray.

MARISHA: Are we doing one more round?

MATT: You'll find out. You don't know.

MARISHA: If we are, I will prep my Wind Wall spell to encompass us for one more round.

MATT: Okay. As you guys are heading upward, now you're about three-quarters of the way out. The numbers are thinning a little bit. They start spraying once more. You go ahead and create a Wind Wall that you've been preparing. As you watch as these jets of extremely acidic burning liquid shoot toward you, suddenly a column of wind gets conjured upward from the darkness and deflects the spray into a mist that is thrown back against the wall harmlessly. You're almost to the exit, and you see a handful more towards the very top of this cavern. Keyleth, Percy, and Pike. Make a dexterity saving throw, if you can.

SAM: Pikey.

MARISHA: I'm good. 21.

TALIESIN: I'm going to burn a reroll. It's the end of my resolves!

ASHLEY: Oh! Natural 20.


MATT: Okay, so eight points of acid damage. 16. Keyleth?


MATT: All right. That's eight points of acid damage. You took the--

ASHLEY: Eight.

MATT: The eight, yeah. As you guys just crest out of the top of the dark column below, you can watch as the creatures are starting to skitter out from the edges, but you are far above and a few of them are spraying, but you're above the range and it's coasting over and disappearing below. You've now emerged into the night sky, the moonlight above you. You're all fairly beaten.

TALIESIN: Is there anything we can throw down there to really piss them off?

SAM: I'll drop a bead of Firewall.

MARISHA: Yeah, and I can drop a Fireball on there.

SAM: I'm sorry, a Wall of Fire.

MATT: You're going to drop a Wall of Fire on the edge of it?

SAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: Yeah, and I'll throw a Fireball. Burn the place down. Extermination.

TALIESIN: Bug bomb.

TRAVIS: I spit in the hole.

ASHLEY: I was going to see if I could a Blade Barrier on top of the hole, so once the fire's in there, they can't get out.

MATT: What's the radius on Blade Barrier?

ASHLEY: 90 feet.

MATT: Okay, we'll say as you come out the top, you throw down the Blade Barrier-- what's the radius of it, though?

ASHLEY: I don't think it says.

MATT: I'll pull it up real fast.

ASHLEY: Oh it does say.

LAURA: 60 feet in diameter. No! You can make a straight wall of 100 feet or 60 feet in diameter.

ASHLEY: Yeah, ringed wall up to 60 feet.

MATT: Okay, so you can make a wall around the one side of it. Not the whole thing.

SAM: Wall of Fire around the other?

MATT: You don't get to get the whole radius, but between the Wall of Fire and the bladed wall, you blast the opening there. You coast away, watching and hearing as dozens of ankhegs that are climbing up to the top begin to (screeching). Eventually, they all begin to burrow back into the rock and stone and vanish. The ones on the surface begin to burrow below. And a calm stillness comes over the exterior of the mines. As you all coast up, hundreds of feet in the air over the forest, licking your wounds. So you removed the glitter and you removed--

LAURA: The little coffin.

MATT: The little stone placard. You had to wedge it out, but you got it up there.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: And that's where we'll call it for the night.


MARISHA: That was awesome!

TALIESIN: I'm at 57 hit points. Yay.

TRAVIS: Add 100 to that and that's somewhere Grog.

TALIESIN: Where were you at? I feared for you, man.


LAURA: Oh my god!

TRAVIS: That cherub was a bitch.

MATT: Aw man. That was also created by the chat.

TRAVIS: Was it?!

LAURA: The baby was created by the chat?!

TRAVIS: Why you do this to us, chat?

TALIESIN: Why you make us kill a baby? That was great.

LAURA: That was really cool villain.

MATT: That was a tiny celestial.

LIAM: Like beating up a Kewpie doll.

MATT: Was the prospect of doing something that attacks via the terrain instead of--

ASHLEY: Was he an evil baby?

LAURA: Yeah, was it evil? Or could we have saved it?

MATT: The actual title for it is Symphior the Withered Planetar. It was essentially a celestial seed that was placed to eventually emerge as a guardian in a future time, almost a Ragnarok-type circumstance. But the land around it became corrupted as it gestated or was held in stasis, and then was awoken prematurely. And as such, became this horrible monstrous version of what it was supposed to be. It was neutral, but it was dangerous. It seemed pretty far gone. Thank you guys so much. We'll be back next week with the battle royale. That'll be fun.

TRAVIS: Everybody kill Keyleth.

LAURA: Yeah. Go for Keyleth to begin with. Try to kill her.

MARISHA: I am going to be looking at *all* of my spells.

TALIESIN: These two have to be the first to go down.

MARISHA: What? Why?

TALIESIN: Because loot drop.

TRAVIS: Yeah, we've got to get Hunger Games with this shit. And the cornucopia of loot!

MARISHA: I'm going for the machete!

SAM: But Vex, you're my best friend!

LAURA: No, you're my best friend. I won't kill you.

SAM: Okay! Like, within five minutes.

LIAM: This one shoved my face into lava at the end of the last battle royale.

MARISHA: I love you! (sizzling)

MATT: It was pretty good.

MARISHA: Then Pike did it to me immediately the next round. I love you! (sizzling)

MATT: Yeah, it was pretty slick. Exactly.

MARISHA: Yes, it was.

LAURA: Tight.

MATT: Awesome. Thank you guys so much for watching. We'll be back next week, Thursday, with our battle royale. Hope you have a wonderful night and weekend. And is it Thursday yet? Good night!