List of Transcripts


MATT: Hello everyone and welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons.


MATT: Before we get into tonight's episode, we're going to do some quick announcements. First and foremost, we brought tonight our fantastic returning sponsor for campaign 2, our friends at D&D Beyond! Sam!

SAM: Hi guys. Tonight's ad copy was a little long, so I tried to make a nursery rhyme out of it. I couldn't crack it. I couldn't make it funny. Instead, I decided I'm going to read the copy while they paint my face. That is the bit. Laura and Travis have free reign to paint anything they want on my face.

LAURA: This is Taliesin.

TALIESIN: You obviously can't read while I'm painting your face.

SAM: D&D Beyond has teamed up with Beadle & Grimm’s Pandemonium Warehouse on the platinum edition of Waterdeep: Dragon Heist, which releases in November. If you don't know what Beadle & Grimm’s Pandemonium Warehouse is, it's the brainchild of friend of the show Matt Lillard. They make these fantastic boxes filled with all the elements a dungeon master needs to create an amazing experience. That's in my eye.


TALIESIN: Say it with me: you did this to yourself.

SAM: With maps and counter cards and one of a kind figures to make your tabletop experience come to life! That's not all, every Beadle & Grimm’s Waterdeep: Dragon Heist platinum box sold will include access to Waterdeep: Dragon Heist on D&D Beyond! For the next week, Beadle & Grimm's is offering a $50 discount to purchase the box for registered D&D Beyond users. That's $50! With the money you saved, you could buy two Critical Role sleeveless Keyfish t-shirts now available in the CritRole shop. Or one Nott the Brave t-shirt and one All Work No Play t-shirt that doesn't exist, yet? I digress; this isn't about the merch I want to make for our beloved Malaysian fans. It's about D&D Beyond! Specifically Beadle and-- ow!-- Grimm's Waterdeep: Dragon Heist! To get your discount code, go to You can also check out, that's for more information on what's included in the platinum box. There are over 140 items in each box. Some highlights include six pieces of original jewelery, 22 Nolzur's unpainted minis, a beautiful four panel DM screen created especially for Waterdeep, all sorts of maps, and much more. In conclusion, get the discount, get the box, get the savings, and watch All Work No Play.


SAM: Thank you, Laura and Taliesin. How do I look?

MATT: You look about as good a a job as Jester did to Yasha last week.

LAURA and TALIESIN: He's a snake person!

MATT: Good job!

SAM: Am I something? Or is it just dicks?

TRAVIS: There's an explosion on the left side of your face. Then you got punched to the right side of your face. It’s kind of great.

MATT: I'd put it at a natural two.

LAURA: Whoa, my natural one must have been real shit.

TRAVIS: It looks like you got bloody raw meat on your lower--

MARISHA: I feel like it's if Nott was going for a Bowie vibe.

MATT: How's it smell?

SAM: It smells like farts.


TRAVIS: Context! The face paint smells like farts.

SAM: Before we started rolling, this paint smells like farts. But only when it's painted on a human face.


TRAVIS: You're going to get sick by the halfway point.

SAM: Beadle and Grimm's,

MATT: Thank you, Sam. Thank you, D&D Beyond. Thank you, Matt Lillard and friends at Beadle and Grimm's.

TRAVIS: It's a gorgeous box.

MATT: It's awesome. Up next, the latest episode of Between the Sheets featuring our fantastic snake person, Sam Riegel. Emmy award winning snake person, Sam Riegel, is now available on the Critical Role YouTube channel if you missed it on Monday. You can find it on Look forward to this coming Monday at 7:00pm PDT for the new Between the Sheets starring our fantastic creative director and my wife, Marisha Ray.


LIAM: Not even paying attention. BTS Monday! Marisha Ray!


MATT: She's so hard at work that she's not even present when we're announcing her show.

LIAM: She's seriously working all the time.

MATT: Look forward to that on Monday at 7:00pm Pacific on You can see the next episode of All Work No Play tomorrow at the same Twitch channel.

LIAM: It's a special one.

MATT: This one, both Liam and Sam are getting some special character creature makeup just like this.

SAM: No, no.

LIAM: Incorrect.

SAM: Wait, is that tomorrow? No.

MARISHA: No. That is incorrect.

SAM: Spoilers!

MATT: My sheet is incorrectly filled out!

MARISHA: That is a spoiler, like a week ahead.

SAM: I think tomorrow is goat yoga.


SAM: Featuring Travis Willingham and friend of the show, TJ Storm. It's going to be fun. There's goats involved. There's yoga involved. We talk LA. It's great.


MATT: There you go.

LIAM: I'll only say one word. Butts.

TRAVIS: Lots of butts.

MATT: There you go.

SAM: Butts and taints.

MATT: Lots of butts. Lots of TJ Storm and lots of goat yoga tomorrow here at 7:00pm Pacific on Check it out then. We are headed overseas next week to MCM London to come meet a bunch of you awesome European Critters.

SAM: (Australian accent) G'day mate!

MATT: We're super excited about it. We'll be there on October 27th and October 28th. For more info, you can got to Last but not least, Laura Bailey is running a very special one-shot next Thursday.

LAURA: Oh my gosh, it's happening!

MATT: We're pre-recording an episode because at the time that the show happens next Thursday, we're going to be on an airplane going to aforementioned MCM London. We're taking a week off from the main storyline so that Laura Bailey can run her very first one-shot.

TRAVIS: Holy shit.

LAURA: I'm so nervous.

MATT: It's going to be great.

LAURA: Like ridiculously nervous.

SAM: Do you know all the rules and stuff?

LAURA: I know nothing.

TRAVIS: That’s all you need.

MATT: She’s never played.

LAURA: Ever.

MATT: (laughs) You can check that out next Thursday, October 25th at this time, 7:00pm Pacific, in place of Critical Role on Geek & Sundry's Twitch, YouTube, and Alpha channels. I think that's the extent of our announcements for tonight. That brings us into the next episode of Critical Role!

LIAM: Yaas, yuan-ti!

[TV static, click] [groovy Critical Role theme]

Part IEdit

MATT: Welcome back everybody. Last we left off, The Mighty Nein had found their way south outside of the Empire on the coast of the Menagerie Coast, stolen a pirate ship, apparently. Following a thread to pursue aspects of the mystery of Fjord's background and the relationship to his mysterious patron, followed a mostly charred map to an island known as Urukayxl. Passing the dangerous reefs, you came upon the mother ship to the ship that you had stolen, known as the Squalleater, which was then, you realized, helmed by Captain Avantika, who gave you the option of either working with her under her guise as, essentially, currently captives and maybe eventually crewman of the ship, or be killed and left in the harbor, held down with rocks and die. You took her up on the offer. You also discovered that she seems to be as enthralled with this same entity as Fjord is and has some sort of similar history with how this serpentine entity known as--

TRAVIS: Uk'otoa.

MATT: Uk'otoa. You remembered. Good job.

LAURA and SAM: (whispering) Uk'otoa!

MATT: Uk'otoa, once a creation of Zehir, the Cloaked Serpent god, now banished since the Calamity. This entity then began to build its own following, and the followers of Zehir, this old god, this once creator grew jealous and sealed it away. Now, Avantika, with your help, is working to begin to release these seals, bring it back, and as such, gain the blessings and boons of this entity. You decided to go into the jungle with her on this mission alongside an adventurer, a dungeoneer who had plotted out some of the path for you, named Jamedi. You had made your way through, avoiding hunting parties of lizard men being hunted by yuan-ti snake people. You made your way towards a mostly stone-crafted village in the center of this island that surrounded one large old temple. You snuck in, masquerading as some of these snake people and mostly succeeded, managed to sneak your way through part of the town, gathering some attention. You threw up some distracting illusions. You quickly killed off a few them that had begun to grow wise to your presence, not being naturally wanted, and in the midst of the commotion, you raced up the steps of the temple, managed to kick one of the sentries off the side, found a way through the top, and closed it off, locking behind the very top of this five-sided pyramid. Now, once inside, you began to descend slowly down the curved stairs, but in missing a trap that was present, triggered it. The stairs went smooth, and the entire party slid down this slide, Goonies-style before impacting into the ground of one of the top chambers of the pyramid. Looking within the interior of this five-sided chamber, you noticed amongst the two pillars to the side a raised platform where there was a fountain of some kind surrounded by three of these mostly humanoid, but snake-scale-covered-in-places yuan-ti people and one with gray, armored, scaly skin, mostly human body though tall and lanky, and a head that was purely cobra-like. The hood exposed as all of them turn to your direction as you impact with the stone, and are made aware of your presence. With that, Mighty Nein, I would like for you to roll initiative.


LIAM: Do I get any jump on that Slow spell I tossed out at the last second of the episode? Yeah, I said "I start casting Slow," and you said, "That's where we'll pick up next week."

MATT: Yes, you will, and that'll be your turn, because literally-- it's not so much a stand-- you just slid down and hit the ground, and you just take a moment to take in the scenario and then now we get to be--

LIAM: Had to ask.

MATT: No worries.

TALIESIN: Deep in the single digits over here.


MARISHA: Deep in the single digits.

LAURA: It's a cleric thing.

TALIESIN: This is a cleric thing.

TRAVIS: Hey Max, can I get Ashley's iPad?

MATT: Good call. All righty. 25 to 20?


SAM and LAURA: Ooh!

MATT: Look at you! Did you roll initiative for Yasha?

TRAVIS: That's 21.

SAM: We got strength.

LAURA: You got Yasha's tablet?

TRAVIS: Max is bringing it.

LAURA: Fabulous.

MATT: 20 to 15?


MATT: 16 for Fjord. 15 to ten?

SAM: 14. Where are you?

LAURA: Shut up.

SAM: Where are you?

LIAM: Shut up.

TRAVIS: Caduceus.

MATT: All righty. Ten to five?

LAURA: Seven.

LIAM: Six. Here comes that Slow spell. Fastball special.

TALIESIN: The wind-up.

LIAM: Mm-hmm.

MATT: I believe that's all of us. Beginning now this round of combat; Beau, you have the jump. Everyone is prone, by the way. You slid down the stairs on your ass and impacted with the stone floor of this chamber. Nott, what would you like to-- sorry, Beau is-- sorry. Beau.

MARISHA: These are lizard people? Or these are snake people?

MATT: Yeah, these are--

MARISHA: These are the yuan-ti.

MATT: Yes, these are the yuan-ti. These three individuals that are mostly humanoid, but bits of their skin are scaled, their eyes are yellow, you can see sharpened teeth. This individual here is the one with the large hooded snake-head that's still a bit taller than the rest and these long lanky arms. Gray skin.

MARISHA: Do they look super pissed off?

MATT: They look very unhappy that you've stumbled into this chamber.

MARISHA: Okay. That's all I need to know.

SAM: I'm just going to say this, as players: last time we encountered a group of people, we killed them all. They hadn't done anything to us. I'm just saying.


LAURA: These people obviously skin other people alive, okay? They’re bad people.

TALIESIN: These are Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom villains.

MARISHA: Okay, I'm going to get up.

SAM: Okay, kill them all.

MATT: Beau comes to her feet, that's half your movement.

MARISHA: Okay. I'm going to go for that hooded one if I can. I’ve got 25. Do I round down, because it's 45 halved?

MATT: It's halved that. Almost all numbers in the game are rounded down, so to 20.

MARISHA: So 20 “foint?” 20 “foint” of “movemoint.”

LIAM: What just happened?

MATT: I don't know if you have enough room, or enough distance, to get over here. You'd have to go over. Either way, you’re going to take some attacks of opportunity, so it's up to you.

MARISHA: Okay, so I'll just go for these two right there in the corner.

MATT: You jump onto your feet and leap up onto the top, and you’re now pincered from both at different angles. What are you going to do?

MARISHA: I say: We come in peace-- I can't even. Then I throw a punch. I'm going to see if I can hit the one to my right first.

MATT: Okay, go for it.

MARISHA: That was almost great. 12. Nope, 15.

MATT: 15 hits.

MARISHA: I'm going to punch with my fist. Which is good. Nine.

ALL: *Nein*!

MARISHA: I'm going to spend a ki point to stun.

MATT: It's nine damage.

MARISHA: Stunning strike.

MATT: That's a natural 18 plus zero.

MARISHA: Bullshit!

MATT: It does make the save.

MARISHA: I will punch the other one.

MATT: Go for it.

MARISHA: Sorry, 13.

MATT: 13 does hit. They're not wearing much in armor. They're here for ceremonial reasons.

MARISHA: Eight points of damage.

MATT: Eight points of damage to the other one, so both been hit.

SAM: I don't know, sure sounded like we were being shamed. "They're not wearing any weapons, they're just here for ceremonial reasons."

MATT: I mean they’re not armored; they have weapons on them. These particular ones, the purebloods you see here, as they are called, are not wearing heavy armor, so they're not too difficult to hit.

MARISHA: I'm going to spend a ki point again and do flurry of blows.

MATT: All right, go for it. You got two more attacks, then.

MARISHA: Then I'm going to punch each one of them again.

TRAVIS and MATT: Do it!

MARISHA: That was almost a natural 20. Did you see that? 15. That's good. Ten.

MATT: Ten points of damage to the one on the left.

LAURA: I like those dice.

MARISHA: Oh, thank you. I don't remember where these came from.

MARISHA: The other one was a natural 16. They take another ten points of damage.

MATT: Nice! All righty. You went whack, whack! Manage to hit them both repeatedly in a row. All attacks hit. They're both taken aback by the impact, and then spin to you immediately, their tongues out. They're definitely focused on your presence now.

MARISHA: Probably should have done Patient Defense, but I'm done.

MATT: Now you’re done. Yasha's go next.

TRAVIS: Yasha's going to pop up!

MATT: All right. Yasha gets to her feet.

TRAVIS: She's there. Does she have half of her speed left?

MATT: Correct.

TRAVIS: 20 feet. Can she get up onto the platform opposite of Beau? How much further can she go? Can she get to hooded snake, Cobra Kai?

MATT: Not right now. That path is blocked, unfortunately.

LAURA: But she's flanking. She gets advantage on her attacks.

TRAVIS: Which one is she flanking? This one in between Beau and I?

MATT: Yeah, currently.

TRAVIS: Yeah, with her bonus action she would like to rage.

MATT: Yes! The rage kicks in, pulls out her Magician’s Judge sword and--

TRAVIS: Yeah, with the Magician’s Judge, could she make her first of two attacks against that one that she’s flanking and could she make them reckless?

MATT: Certainly. I mean she's flanked, but she can.

TRAVIS: Oh yeah, so it's already there, right?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: I ain't scared, and neither is Yasha. She'll use Divine Fury if it hits.

MATT: Roll for the attack with advantage, because you have her flanked.

TRAVIS: That's good. 18.

MATT: 18 hits, so damage on that one.

TRAVIS: 12 plus five, 17 on the first one.

MATT: Nice! Jumps off of the side, and with the momentum she leaps onto the platform. She pulls her sword out, arcs it past the already punched, damaged yuan-ti in front. Reacts, looks over the shoulder towards you as you go for your second attack. Same one?

TRAVIS: Yes, please. Natural 20. With that barbarian critical! Double the dice. (counting) That's 17 points of damage on the second one.

MATT: 17 points of damage?


MATT: Okay, then.

TRAVIS: Not a lot. They were low.

MATT: On the same one, right?


MATT: With the second strike-- the first one carves past, it hisses at her, Yasha then spins the sword around and with one giant snap the head and the body falls off to the side of the ground and crumbles.

LAURA: Easy kill, oh no!

TALIESIN: It means they hurt.

TRAVIS: Yasha winks at Beau.

MATT: Okay. Rage winks?

TRAVIS: Yeah. (growls)

MATT: That finishes Yasha’s go.

LIAM: Head’s off that corpse. You can’t put it back.

TALIESIN: A lot of things. It means that they could actually do damage to us, possibly. They could be glass cannons.

LAURA: Oh, right. That’s true. We’ll find out.

TALIESIN: We’re probably about to find out.

LAURA: He’s thinking.

SAM: That one uses her turn to cry.

LAURA: (fake crying) My sister!

LIAM: Triplets down to twins.

MATT: That one is going to look towards you, Beau, and in this soft, pinched voice go, “Why don’t you just go sit down.” Make a wisdom saving throw for me as this brief sparkle happens in your eyes. You feel this wave of arcane influence begin to reach out towards your mind.


MATT: You blink it off and smile back.

MARISHA: There’s not chairs. What?

SAM: I think they have a lisp.

MATT: The other one is going to, moving off to this end, attempt to pull out a scimitar and aim down to strike at an angle towards Nott who’s currently on the ground.

SAM: I’m just a snake person!

TRAVIS: I don’t know if she was in melee with Yasha.

MATT: Yeah, she is. She's within melee.

TRAVIS: I’ll use that sentinel reaction.

MATT: So she gets an attack.

TRAVIS: That’s reckless. 18.

MATT: That definitely hits.

LIAM: You can quit barbarians any time you want.

TRAVIS: (counting) 15 points of damage.

MATT: Nice! Yasha’s seeing this one slink by and swing with the scimitar down towards Nott, who’s trying to scramble away down on the ground. Yasha turns around and slams the blade into the back of her shoulder, forcing her down. However, the scimitar is already arcing down towards Nott, with advantage because you are on the ground. All right, a 15 and a 16. I believe that’s a total of 19 to hit?

SAM: That hits.

MATT: The strike hits you for seven points of slashing damage.

SAM: Uncanny dodge! So what’s that, four?

MATT: Three.

TRAVIS: You look like that two year old that got into the face paint. "How do I look, daddy?"

MARISHA: Mom’s really expensive makeup.

TRAVIS: "I'm a ninja turtle!"

LAURA: You work was far better than mine.

TALIESIN: No, I was following your lead.

MATT: Now the tall lanky gray one begins to take a step forward and slither around in this direction. (slithering)

TRAVIS: Those sounds are just awful. Oh shit, he got some movement.

MATT: 30. Over the top down. The legs as they bend seem to give in places they shouldn’t, with an unnatural slithery feel to even just the footsteps. It’s really creepy to watch it move. As it spins around, it’s going to attempt to take a bite and scimitar attack, both on Beau with advantage because it’s flanking with its own pureblood. That’ll be a 24 to hit.

MARISHA: Uh-huh. He knew. He didn’t have to ask.

LIAM: Tell me when the Nein stops scream, Clarice.

MATT: Bite attack, so you take four points of piercing damage plus nine points of poison damage.

TRAVIS: *Nein.* I’ll do it.

MATT: As part of its mind fang ability, you’re also going to take some psychic damage.

TRAVIS: Psychic also?

MATT: Oh, that’s not good.

LIAM: Things you never want to hear Matt say

MATT: 22 points of psychic damage

MARISHA: Your DM and your doctor. “That’s not good.”

MATT: As the hood opens and the giant fangs extend and sink into the back of your shoulder, the poison hits your system and your brain suddenly pulses with a sharpening pain. The psychic energy courses through the entirety of your consciousness. For a second, your vision goes flash white and blurs. You almost fall to one knee as the fangs pull out of the wound. At that moment, it’s going to strike with its scimitar.

LAURA: Oh my god, it gets another? Oh, this guy's really hard.

MATT: That’s 23 to hit.

SAM: Oh man. Do some monk shit!

MARISHA: I should have. I made a wrong call.

MATT: Seven points of slashing damage.

MARISHA: Okay. I’m still alive.

MATT: All right. That’s going to end its turn.

TALIESIN: Are you in the single digits or double?

MARISHA: Double, but barely.

MATT: All right. That brings us to Fjord's turn.

TRAVIS: Oh yeah, I'll pop up. Cool, all right. Yeah, cool, cool, cool. Okay, hot second. Yeah, that changed what I was thinking.

LAURA: Fjord, don't do it. Stop it.

TRAVIS: You know what? I don't want to get in there. Can I just--? Mm, yeah, boy.

MARISHA: Did we ever do any of that poison resist stuff? We fell down the stairs, right?

LAURA: (singing) We didn't do it. We didn't have time.

TRAVIS: You know what, where I am, I'm going to fire two blasts of Eldritch Blast at it and I'm going to close--

MATT: To which one?

TRAVIS: At Cobra Kai.

MATT: Okay, go for it.

TRAVIS: You know what, with my bonus action-- no, just Eldritch Blast. 16?

MATT: That hits.

TRAVIS: Ooh, good. Ooh, 15.

MATT: 15 still hits.

TRAVIS: All right! Oh, it's an eight. 12 points of damage total.

SAM: Looking really rough?

MATT: No. As it pulls back from Beau and swings with it scimitar, the head curves back and stares at you. You can see, against this dark gray, scaly skin, its very dull, yellow-white eyes immediately trace onto you. Is that the end of your turn? Are you going to move or stay where you're at? You have 15 more feet of movement.

TRAVIS: Can I move along the wall that way?

MATT: (counting) 15, it's as far as you can get.

TRAVIS: That'll be fine.

MATT: That finishes your go, Fjord. Nott, you're up.

SAM: (screams) Nott will, from prone, fire a shot at-- actually, will load a burning bolt-- I have one left-- and fire it at snake creature, the hooded one. Okay. Ooh, yeah, 22.

MATT: That definitely hits. It's sneak attack because it's adjacent to Beau, plus the additional damage from a fire bolt.

SAM: Ooh, yes. (counting) 26. Plus I'll use Fury of the Small, why not? 31. Plus the burning bolt, what does that do?

MATT: It should be on your sheet there. I think it's an additional 1d6 fire damage, if I recall.

SAM: I didn't write it. Wait, no, it says 1d6 fire damage. Another two points!

TRAVIS: Yeah! Metal!

MATT: It hisses as the bolt hits it from the back of the head, and you can see where it embedded itself partially into the skull. It comes up at top, and part of the bone's piercing up, and the flames are still burning in the back. It's trying to reach and pull it out of its own head. All right, that's your action.

LAURA: How did it shoot through the head and it's still alive?

SAM: It's got that snake hood that's very thin, I assume. I don't know.

MATT: It didn't go all the way through the brain, it just hooks into it. It did some serious damage still.

SAM: I don't know how hiding works, but I'm going to hide. I know that this thing over here will see me, but can I hide right there, hiding from the vision of that one? Does that work? Can you hide from one person?

MATT: Well, you're still prone. If you want to get up, it's half your movement, or you can crawl at half speed.

SAM: I'm going to crawl over there and hide.

MATT: You crawl over here. You can go there because you're still in melee with that one, but you can attempt to hide from the other if you'd like.

SAM: I'm going to hide.

TALIESIN: Prone still means you're disadvantage-- no, they have advantage.

MATT: It's advantage on melee attacks against you, disadvantage on ranged attacks against you. You crawl on the ground around the corner. Roll a stealth check.

SAM: 23, but I think because I'm wearing the hood or whatever--

MATT: Yeah, you always get advantage while you have that cloak on.

SAM: Okay, still 23.

MATT: You believe maybe you've hidden from that one particular creature. That finishes Nott's go. Breaking the silence here, Beau, after you've been struck by this terrible psychic pain in your face and the poison courses through your veins, you look before you and the one yuan-ti pureblood in front of you you had already damaged is (snarling), and it's pulling this crooked dagger out of this sheath from the side. Suddenly, in a flash out of nowhere behind, you see blades go (wooshing) and you watch as Avantika, who was previously invisible still from the spell, appears as she does three main strikes from behind.

TRAVIS: Three?!

MATT. Two with the rapier. First one hits. Second one still hits. And the dagger hits. All righty. (counting)

SAM: Ooh! I did my math wrong.

TRAVIS: As soon as you attack, it drops your invisibility, right?

MATT: That'll do it. Eviscerates it from behind. (screeches) Falls to the ground. Avantika is there in front of you and flicks both blades off. Some of the blood (splashing) across the stone on the ground. "Don't worry, I've got you," and is going to use movement to move up this way. Actually, she doesn't have enough movement to do that. She can be right there and gets one more space there. That ends Avantika's go.

SAM: Not that it matters; fury of the small is six points of damage, so it would have been 34 points of damage.

MATT: One more point. Thank you for the clarification on your math there, Sam. Jamedi's going to get up.

MARISHA: Mom's Jamedi.

TRAVIS: First opportunity.

MATT: Makes me sad. Good patience on that one. Jamedi's going to start taking the bow and huffing and running around the way to hide behind this pillar. Coming that way, is going to attempt to fire a short bow at the one that's right next to Yasha. Natural 19, very nice.

SAM: I'm so excited to find out when he will turn on us.

MATT: That is six points of damage to that yuan-ti, and is going then continue to move-- actually, no, at that point he couldn't quite get that far. He would have been right there. Trying to move behind, but because he had to get up from prone, lost half of his movement. That ends his go. That brings us to Jester.

LAURA: I want to stand up!

MATT: Jester, you stand up.

LAURA: Then I'm going to cast Hold Person on the gray guy with the cobra head.

MATT: On the gray guy? Okay, you release the spell, and it has no effect. It seems that the snakelike form that this creature has mutated into has gotten so far out of the realm of humanity to no longer be considered a person.

SAM: Ooh.

LAURA: Oh, shit.

TRAVIS: Hold Monster? Hold Creature?

LAURA: Yeah, I need Hold Monster. Okay.

MATT: That's your action.

LAURA: That's my action. I don't have any spells for bonus action.

TRAVIS: Starting to feel less terrible about killing them.

SAM: Yes.

LAURA: Okay, so I say: Well shit! That's my move.

MATT: All right. (hisses) towards you, its fangs bared. That ends your go, Jester. Caleb and Caduceus, you guys are up at the same time.

LIAM: I was rummaging in my pockets for the molasses, but everybody is dropping, so instead I pull out a burned twig and hold my hand out and cast Witch Bolt at 3rd-level through the twig towards snakeman.

MATT: Ooh! All righty. Roll for attack.

LIAM: That is a 21.

MATT: That'll hit.

LIAM: Okay, so that's 3d12, which I have never used in my life. I think it's this one. The fuck is that?! That's an 11. Plus six is 17. 25 lightning damage.

MATT: Nice!

LIAM: Which I did from the ground, I guess, so I will stand up now. Am I within five feet of that guy?

MATT: You are, yes.

LIAM: Hey, I'm going to run for it. I'm going to go toward that pillar there.

MATT: Over here?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: (counting) 25. As you rush by, its snake head cranes around and extends out to bite towards the side of your shoulder and arm as you rush past.

SAM: No, Caleb, no!

LIAM: Am I able to use Shield as a reaction if I've already cast a spell? No, correct? Because I've not tried to do that, so I don't know if it's allowed.

MATT: If it's during your turn, I believe you cannot because you only cast one spell--

LIAM: Per round? Because as a rogue, you could do sneak attack damage and then on an attack of opportunity, you could do sneak attack damage.

MATT: It's different from combat spells versus casting spells during one turn. I'll have to go back and look at that specifically. But for the time being, no, because there's the one spell per round limitation during your turn, at least. That is going to be all together a 17 to hit.

LIAM: Oh, that hits.

MATT: With that, the bite strikes out for you. That is six points of piercing damage, plus seven points of poison damage. It's going to use its secondary mind fangs this round. Similar to Beau, your brain suddenly gets spiked with this burst of terrible racking pain that emanates into every memory of your past life. Like your existence in one instant is just set on fire and pulled away.

TRAVIS: Do not get close. If you can help it.

MATT: Oh, that's not too bad! That's 13 points of psychic damage to you.

LIAM: Ooh! That's not too bad.

MATT: That ends your turn, then?

SAM: But you're a wee man.

MATT: Technically, you would have gotten that far. That's half-speed. That ends your turn. Caduceus, you're up.

TALIESIN: I'm going to shake it off a little bit. I'm going to--

MATT: Stand up?

TALIESIN: Yeah, I'll stand up. I'm going to back into the corner.

MATT: There? You back in towards this cluster of weird, mossy plant matter that's on the edge.

TALIESIN: I'm going to use my bonus action to just-- No, I'm not going to bother with that for now. It's not really going to-- If you go down, you go down at this point.

TRAVIS: (scoffs)

TALIESIN: No healing I'm going to do is going to keep you from going down if you get hit by a triple. I can just get you back up.


SAM: Yeah, but it could prevent-- Okay.

MATT: Caduceus. What are you doing, buddy?

TALIESIN: (conflicted stuttering)

SAM: You're a lost cause, basically.

TALIESIN: I'm going to do a-- Where'd it go? These are cantrips. Healing Word on Beau.

SAM: Oh! You guilted him into healing you.

TALIESIN: I mean. Eight points of healing.

LAURA: It's something.

MARISHA: Uh-huh! That's good! Yeah.

MATT: There you go; take your eight points of healing.

MARISHA: I'll take it.

TALIESIN: I'm going to hold the Channel Divinity: Path to the Grave spell for Yasha.

MATT: Okay. That ends Caduceus’ turn. Beau, you're up. Yasha's go is when you release?

TALIESIN: Mm-hmm. Right as Yasha starts to move, I'm going to.

TRAVIS: What's that do?

LAURA: You'll find out, won't you?

TALIESIN: You don't know. It's going to make Yasha boss.

MARISHA: I'm going to turn around to Cobra Kai. I want to be like: (slurring) That was mean. Because I'm still very sick and now I'm poisoned. Then I'm just going to start fucking blind rage, in my slight hallucinatory haze, wailing on her.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Her. He. Monster. That first one was 21.

MATT: 21 hits.

MARISHA: Beautiful. Okay, that's eight damage, and I want to try Stunning Strike.

SAM: A what?

MARISHA: Stunning Strike.

MATT: Stunning Strike on this one? That is a 14 plus one: 15. What's the DC?


MATT: Resists it, unfortunately. There's a (impact) as you hit. You realize as you're trying to do Stunning Strike, you don't fully understand the physicality of it. Its body and organ placement is different from the usual, other human-type creatures you've studied, and so you're just unable to hit the right point in its body.

MARISHA: Okay. Hit it again. That was such bullshit. 11.

MATT: In your confusion and frustration of not being able to find the soft spot in its body, your second strike goes and it manages to dodge out of the way. No impact.

MARISHA: I just look at it and I just go: I don't feel very good. Then I'm going to do Patient Defense.

MATT: All right, so then you go in Patient Defense to protect yourself. Got it.

MARISHA: I'm a little nauseous.

MATT: That is now Yasha's turn. Before Yasha can begin the round, Caduceus?

TALIESIN: I'm going to cast Channel Divinity on the angry snake in armor.

MATT: Okay. The the next hit against it, it has vulnerability.


MATT: Correct. All right--

TRAVIS: What does that mean?

MATT and TALIESIN: You'll find out.

MATT: What's Yasha doing?

TRAVIS: She's turning around and head-butting the woman. No, I'm just kidding! Yeah. I'll hop off the platform and run towards snake in armor, right? The one you cast on.

MATT: Right there?


MATT: As Yasha darts off, the pureblood behind manages to swipe out with the scimitar. Has an attack of opportunity against her. That is going to be a natural-- They're rolling really good! 17 plus three. 20.

TRAVIS: That hits.

MATT: With that, Yasha suffers seven-- six on the d6. Seven points of slashing damage, reduced to three because she's raging.


MATT: Then Yasha shrugs off the impact, rushes towards the large gray snake entity, and?

TRAVIS: Reckless attacks.

MATT: Go for it.

TRAVIS: Oh, that definitely hits. That's a 22?

MATT: That is correct. Go ahead and roll damage on that one.

TRAVIS: 11-- 16 points of damage on the first one.

MATT: Okay. 16 points of damage. He is vulnerable against that. That is technically 32 points of damage from that strike. How does Yasha want to do this?

LAURA and MARISHA: (cheering)

TRAVIS: Damn! That's fucking awesome. Yasha goes: Don't touch her. And just shoves the sword in, and then slowly lifts up the snake, just bringing it up through its ribcage.

MATT: As the blade impales it, the creature grabs the blade with both hands and (hisses) as it's lifted up and begins cursing-- (clapping) Hold on. Pay attention, guys!


MATT: It's okay. As the blade carves through the stomach of the gray snake man and is lifted off the ground (hissing). It begins to curse in Abyssal as the blade begins to carve up its body, until eventually, its hissing turns into a low gurgle, and then it just slides off the blade, the parted half of it splitting into two sides into the ground.

LIAM: Did all Caleb hear with Comprehend Languages is swear words?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: Okay.

MARISHA: I look at Yasha and I just go: That was very (vomiting) and I puke a little bit on her.

MATT: All right.

SAM: (whispers) Sexy.

TALIESIN: Hot. I needed that today, thank you.

MATT: This one is going to, seeing how everything is working out-- Yeah. Does not have that ability, so is instead going to go ahead and (counting) 30. Then try and dash--

TALIESIN: That's also a ramp, isn't that harder terrain to get up there?

MATT: Oh, no. That's true. Given the circumstance, there's not much of an escape route for this one.

LAURA: I would like if she tried to run up the ramp and just kept sliding down.

(cartoon running sound effects)

MATT: Is going to instead, leap down and attempt to assail Nott.

SAM: But I'm hiding!

MATT: Not against that one, you're not. All right, so attacks twice with the scimitar. Ooh, natural 20 on that one and a--


SAM: Denied?

MATT: No, because when you hold your action, you use your reaction to release it, so you don't have a reaction.

TALIESIN: It uses a reaction for that? That's bullshit.

MATT: Sorry, buddy. That's a natural 20 on one scimitar hit, and a 19 on the other to hit. The first one, that's eight plus one. Nine points of slashing damage on the first hit.

SAM: Great. I'll take that whatever it's called.

LAURA: Uncanny Dodge?

SAM: Yeah, thank you.

MATT: That's four slashing damage, and the second one is going to be-- Ooh, that's not good. Two points of slashing damage.

SAM: Okay so that's six total points.

MATT: Now with all of its allies fallen around and seeing everyone else standing up, its eyes are darting around, looking like it’s a caged animal (snarling and hissing). Its scimitar in front of it, it's swinging it wildly in the air and pointing it at anything that comes near. That's going to end their turn, Fjord, you're up next.

TRAVIS: Fjord rushed up, summons the blade, and points it at her, summoning a little eldritch energy in his off hand, and says: Drop it. That's my turn.

MATT: Make an intimidation check.

TRAVIS: Okay. 13.

MATT: Glaring at you doing that (hostile snarl).

TRAVIS: No good?

MATT: Doesn't seem to be fazed, unfortunately.

TRAVIS: Oh, no! That's Yasha's, that's plus two! This is plus seven! So (counting) 18!

MATT: As it snarls at you, you pull the blade a little closer to the face, up against the chin, (resigned snarl) and throws the scimitar to the side.


TRAVIS: Stupid double iPads, fuck! That seems low for charisma.

MATT: I was surprised, I was like: Okay. That brings us effectively out of combat.

LIAM: Slide that a little bit down.


MATT: At this point, you all take stock of your surroundings. The one standing yuan-ti, the bowls they were holding and pouring into this fountain clattered to the ground, the one stands there before you with your blade held towards their neck as they're (snarling).

TRAVIS: Caleb.

LIAM: Yeah?

TRAVIS: You understand anything coming out of this thing's mouth?

LIAM: Not at the moment.

TRAVIS: Oh. Caduceus?


TRAVIS: What's this one thinking? You do that, right?

TALIESIN: I'm very curious to see how this is going to go. I just want to look her over. What is this room? What is happening? What was going on?

MATT: Well, that would be more generally looking around you guys. In this chamber, based on the little bit of travel you've done from the very top of this temple, this is the top chamber in the pyramid. You're about partway down from where it is on the surface. It continues down, you imagine, based on how large it is in size. This is the highest part of the pyramid so far. Within this chamber, there are clusters of these bits of mossy plant life that's growing in elements of the corners. There is a fountain that sits atop the central platform in the center of the chamber. The water itself is slowly trickling off the sides in small little grooves; it looks to be brackish and green. The staircase-- a few minutes pass-- revert to stairs, so ascension is possible. That's the most of what you can make out in the chamber. The pillars appear to be more load-bearing and designed-- as you get a closer look, make a perception check on this one.


MATT: Interesting point. The stonework and the construct of this entire temple is very old and very simple, but you see a lot of intricate carvings and additional stone that's been added to the interior of the chamber that is all carved to represent snake creatures surmounting and a great snake god. Make a religion check.

SAM: Lots of checks.


MATT: A lot of the iconography in this chamber is directly based on Zehir, the Cloaked Serpent, and is imbuing their power into the snake followers and giving them mutations. You can see people going into this metamorphosis and transforming into a number of the larger snake entities you fought or have seen in the city below. But all that carving is newer. It's fresher. It's been placed to cover the older stone of the temple, and you get the sense that this temple was not constructed by these yuan-ti, but has been since co-opted by them.

TALIESIN: Priestess of Zehir, what was this place before you found it?

MATT: Looking you over, "It was--" she's speaking in Common now. "It was built to a false idol."

TALIESIN: Do you know its name, or are you afraid of it?

MATT: The eyes turn towards you, looking up at your large, goofy grin.

TALIESIN: As I'm large, goofy grin, I'm going to start touching one of the other priestesses and I'm going to start the process.

MATT: With that, parts of their wounds begin to split open wider as you see bits of reddish-orange fungus begin to find its way out. It looks like a sponge emerging from it.

TALIESIN: Don't mind that.

MATT: She turns to you and goes, "Are you to let me live?"

TRAVIS: I think that all depends on your cooperation. We're trying to find our way further below. You can either help expedite that or complicate that.

MATT: Make a persuasion check.

TRAVIS: Yep. Mine, my stats. Woo! 19.

MATT: Looks towards you, looks towards Caduceus. Goes, "I will not sully myself before the eyes of my god." In a flash, pulls a dagger from inside the sash attached to the side and-- spray, cuts her own throat, scattering across the front of you, Caduceus, before the body plummets back onto the ground with a sick thud on the stonework and then bleeds out, a small grin pulling across her sharpened teeth before her eyes roll back and she expires.

TALIESIN: Cure Wounds.

LAURA: (gasps) Can you do that?

TALIESIN: I don't know, can I? Or is it too--?

MATT: Make a dexterity check.

TALIESIN: Fair. Okay, I was wondering if I was pushing this too far.

LAURA: Cure her before she dies.

TALIESIN: Yeah. Oh man. Dexterity check? Oh no. Eight.

MATT: The moment of shock hits you, having not encountered someone take their life right in front of your eyes, and that brief moment of pause is enough that when you go to try and collect your thoughts and cast the spell, the spirit's already left the body.

TALIESIN: I already cast the spell, don't I?

MATT: I would say you go to cast the spell--

TALIESIN: Did I start?

MATT: You begin to, and then realize they've already expired.

TALIESIN: That's cheating.

LAURA: Oh my gosh!

TRAVIS: They take it pretty seriously around here.

LAURA: Do you think a lot of gods make people kill themselves?

SAM: Are they gone yet?

TALIESIN: Doesn't seem very helpful.

SAM: Ah, I was here the whole time!

TALIESIN: I'm going to start poking around some of this. Is this attached to the walls?

LIAM: Wait a moment. Nott, have a look around this room. Do you see anything problematic?

SAM: Good idea! I'll go check the fountain. What are these big fancy-- are these doors on the sides?

MATT: Those are some of the inscripted carvings that were placed over the existing stonework of the chamber.

LAURA: I'm going to search the body of the beast guy.

MATT: Okay. Make an investigation check as you're searching the fountain.

SAM: 19.

MATT: That's not too bad. Stepping up onto the outside of this fountain, it's a two-tiered fountain. Along the floor of the fountain basin, within the water on the base, there are two reliefs of snakes coiled, sitting underneath the water with empty eye sockets. Two of them-- one of them has empty eyes, the other one has an empty eye socket and a dull gray eye that still remains. The liquid looks grimy and cloudy.

SAM: I hate water.

MATT: You do notice there are, on four edges of the bottom basin at the lip of the water-- and the water meets the very edge-- there are slight grooves where the water's slowly trickling out and down to the floor, and where it hits the floor there is no pool of water. You inspect closer, and there is a hole beneath each groove where the water itself is pouring through the floor below you to what you assume to be a chamber below.

LAURA: This shit opens up!

LIAM: *Ja*. Is there anything arcane in nature to the writing on the sides of it, or can I ascertain the purpose of it? This fountain.

MATT: Make an arcana check to see if you can ascertain any arcane nature to it.

MARISHA: While all this is happening, I'm going to go over to one of those moss clusters and just cuddle up with it and sleep. And take a short rest.

MATT: You guys are all taking a short rest?

MARISHA: I don't know. While you guys are doing this I'm going to be like: Guys, they have pillows.

TALIESIN: I'm going to talk to the moss.

SAM: You're going to what?

TALIESIN: I'm going to ask the moss to make sure you have a very comfy sleep, do what they can. You guys take care of that one.

TRAVIS: Is Beau feeling okay?

TALIESIN: No, Beau is definitely not feeling okay.

MATT: Beau, you do notice the corner where the moss is, as you cuddle up to it and glance forward, there is a six-inch or so diameter hole in the corner of the wall.


TRAVIS: That's a big glory hole.

LIAM: There's all kind of people in this world.

MATT: Goristro need a way out, too.

LIAM: Tune into All Work, No Play this Friday!

MATT: Where the moss is growing, there is a hole in the stone chamber about that big around that looks to be a tunnel or tube that slowly descends downward.

SAM: Trash chute.

MATT: Upon glancing, the interior is somewhat damp with condensation and that's where a lot of this moss is gathering around the outskirts of it. You also notice scales, little clusters of scales that are gathered on the edges of the stone.

LAURA: Ooh, snakes come in and out of here!

TRAVIS: Directly above the fountain there's a ceiling, I take it, yes?

MATT: Yeah. Make a perception check.

TRAVIS: Oh, shit.

LAURA: Did I find anything on that snake guy?


MATT: You glance up on the ceiling and you can see two grooves-- well, not two grooves, but two holes that are in the stonework above. Bits of the stone are falling and cracked a little. Where those two holes are, glancing directly below them looking up, you can see the faint pinhole bits of light from the sky above. You also see the stone right around those holes is faintly stained crimson.

TRAVIS: Directly above the fountain.

SAM: That was the sacrifice tablet on top.


SAM: Oh, that's why it's all grimy. It's blood water. Ugh!

TALIESIN: Is there sign of any blood around the fountain or in any of the grooves? I'm seeing if the blood makes it all the way down here.

MATT: Make a medicine check.

TALIESIN: That's 21.

MATT: With your experience in blood and the viscosity of it, you gather that if any of it were to find its way into the fountain, it's not human crimson color enough. You don't see any signs of it currently in here. Most of the water that's in this fountain right now seems to be just water and algae and grime that has built up within the fountain.

SAM: Does it look like those vacuous eye holes in the snakes are about the same size as those rubies that I had found?

MATT: Approximately.

SAM: Can I just--

LAURA: Wait!

SAM: -- look for traps? Can I just look for traps around the fountain without touching the water?

MATT: Sure. Make an investigation check.

LAURA: Can I search the cobra head?

SAM: 11.

MATT: Yes. You inspect the body of the now slaughtered cobra figure. It is nude. There's no clothing on it; it is a scaled flesh body.

LAURA: Aw, I thought it had armor on it!

MATT: No, no armor, it is just a lanky, heavily scale-armored snake creature. There's nothing to pull off of its body, unfortunately.

LAURA: Oh! Try to get some of the poison off its fangs because it's poisonous!

TRAVIS: Oh yeah, in a vial.

SAM: Me?

LAURA: Yeah, don't you like doing things with chemicals?

SAM: Sure, I can, but that seems like more of a medical thing.

LAURA: I'm going to try to get the poison off of it. Off the fangs.

MATT: Okay. Do you have the materials to do so?

LAURA: I've got a vial.

SAM: Do you have a medical kit?

MATT: Have you ever milked a dead snake for its venom?

LAURA: I haven't milked this kind of-- no, I haven't milked a snake.

MATT: Make a nature check for me.

LAURA: 15!

MATT: Okay, you'll spend the next 15 or 20 minutes or so attempting to do this and I'll come to you in a minute with your success and/or failure.

TALIESIN: Anywhere where there's moss, am I finding these matching holes?

MATT: You go around finding each of these patches? Yes, there are. At each corner of the chamber there are these patches, and at each corner you do see one of these holes. Make a perception check.


MATT: All you can tell is that you do see the errant scale. They're big scales, they're not tiny. You see bits of snake skin and larger chunks of scales that have rubbed off from something moving through that chamber.

TRAVIS: You said six inches in diameter?

MATT: Yeah, from side to side diameter.

TRAVIS: Yeah, that's what I meant. Sorry.

TALIESIN: I'm thinking about plugging these holes.

LAURA: That'd be smart.

LIAM: What holes?

MARISHA: You hear me in the corner go, hoo. Hoo. Does it echo?

TALIESIN: Don't do that!

MATT: Oh, through the hole? Okay.

TRAVIS: She's on fucking sick and fucked up.

MARISHA: Yeah, hoo!

MATT: It does echo slightly down and you hear it reverberate. It does continue downward.

LIAM: What are you doing over there? I walk over and I nudge her thigh and butt with my foot. What are you doing shouting in holes?

MARISHA: I found a sing-songy tube.

LIAM: I don't think that is what that is.

MATT: Nott, what were you doing?

SAM: I was looking for traps, I don't think I found it with an 11.

MATT: With an 11, it does not appear to be trapped.

TRAVIS: On the wall where the carvings look like they carved over something, are there any areas that aren't done as carefully and you can see what was there before it was carved over?

MATT: Whatever stone has been placed has been cemented in with all sorts of adhesive and basic masonry materials. It was designed to permanently cover what was there previously.

TALIESIN: How many points down are you right now?

LAURA: A lot, huh?

SAM: Most of them?

MARISHA: Yeah, most of them. I have 20 hit points total right now.

LAURA: I can do it.

TALIESIN: We can both use--

MARISHA: Am I resting long enough where I can put on a few hit points?

MATT: If you guys want to take a short rest, you can do it. At the moment, it does not appear that there's any immediate danger. The door locked above you and you don't hear any more scuffling from above.

LIAM: Nobody noticed.

SAM: Caleb is way worse than her.

TRAVIS: Yeah, 11.

MARISHA: Let's take a short rest, for sure that's what that means.

SAM: Are we plugging up the holes first or are we just watching them?

LIAM: It's a simple thing, if we have any kind of wood or maybe some silver or copper coins to shove in?

LAURA: Oh, these big giant pieces of wood that we carry around with us all the time?

LIAM: Like arrow and crossbow bolts and things like that, use your noggin. Or some coins and I could turn them to stone and block up the holes.

LAURA: Coins, though? We would make them--

LIAM: Copper?

TALIESIN: Wait, what can you turn into stone?

SAM: He's excellent! He can make one thing into another. We used to have this trick where we would sell people a magical box that could turn a copper into a silver.

LAURA: You motherfucker, that was me!

SAM: Ooh. Did we use that one on you?

LAURA: What if we get the weapons off the priestesses and put them in the holes?

TALIESIN: That's not a bad idea.

LAURA: Then you could do that?

LIAM: It would be stone swords I would imagine, I don't know. We could shove as many--

LAURA: It would keep them from coming up through it as long as it was blocking, yes?

MATT: Are you talking about the holes in the corner?

MATT: There about that big around, just so you know.

LAURA: Yeah, so we could shove a sword in there, yeah?

MATT: Yeah, you could put a sword in there. It would be sitting on the ground and blocking the space a bit.

LIAM: I was thinking of jamming it full of a material so it's like a clot and then turning that into stone.

TALIESIN: We could do that with-- we have-- it's a little morose, but we've got some dead people.

LIAM: I can't do that to dead people.

SAM: Why don't we just shove the dead people in there, and then if we see the dead people moving we'll all draw our weapons and attack whatever comes out.

LAURA: This is so fucked up. I'm into it.

SAM: Take some legs and arms and just shove them in the holes.

MATT: You're taking the corpses and filling--

TRAVIS: Uh-huh.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: You know, that's not a bad idea because I could burn the flesh and it would fuse.


LAURA: Oh god.

SAM: We need to chop-- Yasha, chop off all their arms.

TRAVIS: (as Yasha) No.

SAM: Jester, chop off all their arms.

LAURA: Well, how about I just drag the bodies over. I start dragging the body over and shoving an arm in the hole.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: I'm pushing them.

MATT: To which one, one of the purebloods?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Make a perception check.

LAURA: Oh no.

SAM: Nice.

LAURA: 20.

MATT: Okay. As you're dragging it over, you do see a bit of metal jewelry fall out from underneath the robe.

LAURA: Yoink!

MATT: It is an intricate stone key that is on a metal chain.

LAURA: We should get these of the other ladies.

TALIESIN: Let's definitely check those bodies.

TRAVIS: We check the other bodies.

MATT: Investigation check.

TALIESIN: You can take it.

TRAVIS: That's not bad. I think I made one this campaign. Natural 20.

MATT: Across the other two bodies, you find that was the only key. You do find amongst the two of them some errant pieces of jewelry. You find a nice gold ring. You're not quite sure how much it's worth, but it looks probably worth something. You find two jeweled daggers, ceremonial, that they had kept sheathed or one of them had brought out earlier. That's what you find on their bodies.

TRAVIS: The gold ring have any sort of symbol on it? Symbol of the snake?

MATT: Both of these blades have very simple, snake-like iconography. Where the pommel is, it looks like the snout of a snake mouth.

TRAVIS: The ring have anything on it?

MATT: The ring? No, the ring is a simple gold ring.


LAURA: You should put it in the fire and see if it shows words.


TRAVIS: Hey, Caleb.

LIAM: Yeah?

TRAVIS: I'll flip the gold ring over towards Caleb. I don't know if that does anything, but it was on the lady.

LIAM: Well, I could definitely inspect this. Do you want me to do that now, though, or maybe we are pressed for time?

LAURA: We're taking a short rest, remember?

LIAM: We're hanging here?

MARISHA: How much time do we have left?

LIAM: Because I'm pretty beat up.

MATT: Well, for you it's taken the full hour. If everyone's taking a short rest, it's a full hour of rest.

LAURA: So that you can heal.

MARISHA: I spent four hit dice, I'm up to 42 points. Does my malaria that I've come down with change?

MATT: No. While you're all resting, too, Jamedi is carefully looking through the different holes in the side of the chambers and helping you plug them with some of the dead bodies. As you push them in, Avantika saunters up to you, Fjord, and says, "So. How long has it been for you, eh?"

TRAVIS: How long has it been for--

MATT: "Since you've been called."

TRAVIS: Oh. Are people listening or are we by ourselves?

MATT: We’ll say, for this purpose, you guys are out of earshot of most of the group.

TRAVIS: Actually, that night after our convo, I had another dream.

MATT: "Then it was destiny. What happened? Tell me everything."

TRAVIS: I found myself under the ocean and then I saw these visions of people that I knew in my life: some that had wronged me, some that were very dear to me. I had to force my way through them up this staircase and when I reached the top-- Have you ever heard the word “reward”?

MATT: "I am familiar with this promise, aye."

TRAVIS: It was astounding. Incredible. Hard to believe. It was almost as if the oceans obeyed my commands?

MATT: Glancing at her expression, she's enthralled and there's a moment where her head turns and you see a flash of jealousy in her eyes, and then it reverts back and she goes, "That sounds incredible."

TRAVIS: How long has it been for you?

MATT: "A few years, about."

TRAVIS: Yeah, you know, beginner's luck, right?

MATT: "Apparently." Her eyes are still locked on yours and she leans forward and takes her fingers and puts them through the side of your hair and goes, "I can trust you, right?"

TRAVIS: Of course.

MATT: "And you trust these people?"

TRAVIS: With my life.

MATT: "Good. Good." She puts her fingers the rest of the way through your hair, through the back of your head, pulls you close and headbutts you a little bit and lets you go, and gets up and walks off.

LIAM: (whispering) You're a dead man.

TALIESIN: (whispering) Seven days.

TRAVIS: Anybody looking at us as I turn around?

MATT: Jester.

TRAVIS: (pained) Ah, ah!

MATT: Your short rest comes to a close. You've used your hit dice, you've healed up a bit, you've gotten your arcane--

LIAM: Arcane recovery.

MATT: Cool. What would you guys like to do?

TALIESIN: I would love to take a last look at the snake iconography and the bits that have been added to see how well-- I don't want to fudge them or anything, but where's there a keyhole? Are these things attached to the wall? What's the deal?

MATT: Make an investigation check.

TALIESIN: Oh man, it would be. Eight.

MATT: Best you can tell, they were carved onto a separate piece of stone that has since been affixed to the previous backing of this chamber. It's been that way across most of the walls here.

LAURA: You want me to try to pull it away?

TALIESIN: I'm worried about what that might do. I don't know. This is obviously an older temple than they're giving it credit for, which means there's probably things here that are older than snakes.

MARISHA: Hey, Cad, you know ghosts, right?


MARISHA: Deep down inside, don't ghosts get mad when you build temples on top of their temples?

TALIESIN: I don't know. I've never tried.

MARISHA: Like graves on top of graves. Doesn't that make--?

TALIESIN: No, it's perfectly fine to stack graves. It's actually very efficient. It's a great way of using if you have a limited amount of space. Over time, you eventually end up doing that. That's common practice.

MARISHA: My parents fucking lied to me.

TALIESIN: Yeah, apparently they do that.

MARISHA: (trilling) I'm still echoing.

MATT: You're shouting into a dead body stuffed into a hole?


TRAVIS: Dead armpit.

TALIESIN: Can we understand any of these glyphs? Is there anything that--

LIAM: I have looked all around the fountain and I'm not able to make anything out.

MATT: You don't see any language carved in here. It's mostly visuals of Zehir the Cloaked Serpent, bestowing the blessing and mutating followers that are rising up. His army of snake people.

LIAM: Are they any seams or visible machinery or cogs or anything?

MATT: There are the holes in the ground at the base of the fountain where the waters is actually trickling through to something beneath. There's the curled snakes that are in the water below. Those are the only things that you've noticed around the fountain.

TALIESIN: I don't think we want the water to go into the ground.

LAURA: Can I try looking at Beau? Check her out and see if I can see what's wrong with her?

MATT: Make a medicine check.

TRAVIS: Maybe she's thirsty. Give her some water from the fountain.

LAURA: That's good.

SAM: Look at you, Mrs. Medicine.

LAURA: 24.

MATT: Nice. Looking her over, you can see the dark circles under the eyes, the continuous sweating along the brow and the shoulders and the chest area.

LAURA: Ooh, you're like The Gentleman.

MATT: The pupils are slightly dilated and the breathing is more shallow than normal.

LAURA: Your breathing is more shallow than normal

MATT: Definitely warmer to the touch than a healthy person would be. There's some sort of a disease that's working her way through her system. You don't have a whole bunch of book experience with disease necessarily, but you get the sense that this might have been transmitted by some of the insects that you encountered on the island on your way in. It's some sort of disease transmitted by them through bites.

LAURA: And Lesser Restoration says it can cure one disease, but it's not that kind of disease?

TALIESIN: I already tried and it didn't happen.

SAM: Maybe it's a magic disease.

TALIESIN: Or it's just mean.

SAM: Maybe she's got two diseases.

LIAM: Maybe Matt forgot the quality of Lesser Restoration?

MATT: That's true. It says condition be blinded, deafened, paralyzed or poisoned, and then above it says diseased, and I did not read that part earlier.

TALIESIN: I just suck as a healer.

MATT: As part of my own mistake here, we'll say that this is where you come through with your casting of Lesser Restoration before.

MARISHA: It's a time release capsule.

MATT: Yeah. Exactly. It takes a while for it to work its way through the system.

TALIESIN: Did you take it with food or did you just put it in your system?

MARISHA: I take it with booze.

LAURA: Did you eat it or did you put it up your butt, because it depends.

LIAM: That's the fastest way. Up your butt.

MATT: That's what I get for fast reading. Going, “Oh well, it doesn't list that among the conditions” but disease is not a condition. That's my fault.

SAM: As we're mounting up or getting ready to do something, I'm going to go over to Jamedi Cosko and just say: Hey, Jamedi.

MATT: He's sitting there.

SAM: Wow, that was a tough battle.

MATT: He's inspecting the side of the walls and the carvings.

SAM: Oof, I need a drink. Do you want one?

MATT: "I am okay, but I appreciate the offer."

SAM: You do drink liquids, don't you?

MATT: "I do on occasion, yes."

SAM: Well then, why wouldn't you want a nice little nip of something?

MATT: He turns back towards you with a curious glance and says--

SAM: It's really good.

MATT: "I'm sober."

SAM: I have some jerky. Do you want a little nibble? You do eat food, don't you?

MATT: His eyes narrow. "Yes, I would love some jerky."

SAM: Here.

TRAVIS: Coveted jerky.

MATT: He takes it from you. "I appreciate the offer." He eats and continues to look over--

SAM: Is he swallowing?

MATT: Make a perception check.

SAM: Ten.

MATT: Looks like it. You see him chewing. Chewing. A little swallow. Chew chew chew.

LAURA: Chewsy chews.

MATT: Chewsing.

SAM: All right.

LAURA: Can I take the tip of one of my paintbrushes and stick it in the holes in the ground and swirl it around?

SAM: He's not a zombie.

MATT: Sure. You take your paintbrush and as you put it in there-- because there is the groove on the side of the fountain and it meets with the hole in the ground, so the water is going through the hole below. You stick your paintbrush in it and it mixes with the paintbrush. It's thicker than water, barely. It's faintly viscous and where the groove is you can see the greenish slick where slime and general algae buildup has caused it to discolor against the rest of the stone. It builds up a bit and you pull the paintbrush out and it continues down into the chamber below.

LAURA: Look at that.

TALIESIN: That's a very nice paintbrush.

LAURA: No, look at the weird algae shit on my paintbrush now.

TALIESIN: It doesn't look weird. It's just algae, right?

MATT: It smells like a typical type of algae, though the liquid itself has a somewhat acrid smell to it.

LIAM: Caleb looks around at everyone doing absolutely nothing and sits down, pulls out his book, and starts to Identify this ring to see if anything's happening.

TALIESIN: Does this seem like the stuff that's in these people? I've seen several heads come off and I've got samples of it available to me.

MATT: No, the blood of the yuan-ti that you've seen as it scatters is a deep purple in color.

TALIESIN: Including the crazy dude? The one that was super--

MATT: Correct.

TALIESIN: And this is not that?

MATT: Correct.

LAURA: Did I get any poison?

MATT: Oh yeah, that's right. You did not, unfortunately. As you try and sit there holding the head over a jar and jamming the fang into the thing, this awkward process, you don't get much out of it, unfortunately.

TALIESIN: So we're looking for a keyhole.

MARISHA: I'll search for a keyhole while we're at it.

LAURA: You should stick the rubies in those eyeballs!

SAM: Is it time?

MATT: I will say you do recall as when you entered the temple, now that you're thinking about it, that the door that locked behind you above you, the trap door, it had a small opening where a--

LAURA: That's how we get out. Good to know.

MARISHA: Maybe it's a skeleton key.

SAM: It's time?

LAURA: Wait!

LIAM: Five more minutes, please!

MATT: You complete your ritual. The ring is not magical, but it is worth a fair amount of gold.

TALIESIN: Let's assume that bad things are going to come out of these holes at some point.

LAURA: Can I swirl my paintbrush in the water in the fountain and see if it does anything?

MATT: You swirl the paintbrush in the fountain for a bit. It collects some of the brackish liquid.

TALIESIN: I have thoughts. I don't know.

LAURA: It doesn't trigger anything, at least.

TALIESIN: I mean, if I were going to make snake people, I'd put them in a room with snakes and I'd have a way of calling the snakes when it's time to start changing those people into snakes.

MARISHA: Maybe the snakes come from the blood sacrifice.

TALIESIN: Maybe the blood sacrifice is what lets them know it's dinner time.

MARISHA: That's kind of what I said.

TALIESIN: Yeah, but I think they're going to-- yeah, you got it. I think we've got to move this fountain.

LAURA: Let's move the fountain. Put some rubies in some eyeballs.

SAM: Before we go down the fountain, I'm going to walk past Jamedi again.

MATT: He's turned around. He's still chewing the jerky. He puts his shortbow over his shoulder and gathers his things. He's loaded up with pouches and sacks. He's not designed to be a combatant; he's designed to be a traveler.

SAM: Hoo boy, it's going to be scary down there. I think what I'm going to do is I'm going to take out the snake idol thing and I'm going to do a quick prayer to my god. Do you want to pray with me? Do you worship this one, too?

MATT: I am not a religious man, but I appreciate your sense of inclusion.

SAM: I just want you to be part of the team.

TRAVIS: (laughter) Inclusion.

SAM: We're a tolerant group.

MATT: He looks over at the dead serpent people jammed into holes.


MATT: "So it would seem."

TRAVIS: All evidence to the fucking contrary.

SAM: To a point.

LIAM: There's a yuan-ti woman hanging by her arm off the wall.

TRAVIS: Her fucking arm's in it. Jester is grabbing naked yuan-ti guy.

SAM: Maybe not tolerant.

TRAVIS: Milking its face.

SAM: Let's go!

LAURA: Can we have a refresher on what Jamedi looks like?

MATT: Jamedi has dark brown skin, smooth bald head, gaunt features. He's wearing light cloth, billowing sleeves, but it's tied with a bracer to each side so it doesn't get in the way of his hands’ movement. A few pack and satchels around him. He looks like what you’d imagine a professional dungeoneer would look like, where he has a few things to defend himself, but he's not a combatant by any means. He's very good about getting in and out of places quickly, unseen, and gather as much information as he can.

TRAVIS: He got to the top of the temple. That was it, right?

MATT: Correct.


SAM: All right. I'm going to ruby it up. There was two vacant eye holes?

MATT: There were three of them. One of them is missing two eyes, the other is missing one and had another gray rock in there.

TALIESIN: What do I know about this god? About this snake god?

MATT: What you know about Zehir: Zehir is a god that wanders in shadow, is the creator of snakes and serpent kin. It is essentially the evil god of poisons, assassins and darkness. They believe that to keep your acts obfuscated and secret is the greatest means of success. “Strike quickly and without reason. Blind the target with their own confusion” and “Kill slowly. Agonizingly. Or worse, make them enjoy it,” are some of the tenets of their religion and belief.

TALIESIN: Let's let that inform us as we figure out which of these socket the gems go into.

SAM: I'm going to put all of them in!

LAURA: We only have two rubies. Wait, do you have three rubies?

SAM: I have three-- oh. One was stuck to the back of another one.

LAURA: Oh, that makes perfect sense.

SAM: That's how rubies--

LAURA: Rubies are very sticky.

SAM: Yeah. I'm sorry.

LAURA: It's okay.

MATT: You reach into the water and place--

TALIESIN: Do we want to do all three at the same time?

LAURA: He already did it.

TALIESIN: Oh, well, that's fair.

SAM: I'm going to one at a time using Mage Hand.

LAURA: Oh, good call.

MATT: Using Mage Hand into the water, it finds its way in. Seems to wedge into and affix. Mage Hand again into a second one. On one side, the grime-covered snake that's coiled up there now has two glittering ruby eyes peering out unnaturally versus the rest of its relatively bland dark gray-green body. You take it and place it in the opposing socket. As soon as it slicks into place, you all hear this grinding of stone. The fountain shifts, and begins to slowly spiral down below. As it begins to move downward beneath, it begins to show the about two feet of stone of the floor that you're standing on eventually gives way to the roof of a chamber below you. Lightless, it is pitch black below.

SAM: We're between floors now?

MATT: You're still standing on the outside of the fountain looking down in. Only just the outskirts of the fountain went down in this slow spiral. You glance downward. It stops about ten feet below you. It comes to a stop. There's a bit of a ten-foot drop to where the fountain is, and now below where it was standing, there's about two feet of smooth pillar, and then very thin stairs that continue to spiral down. Those of you with darkvision, since there was no light source in here, you can see in pitch black of dim light within 30 feet. The chamber itself goes just beyond that, so you cannot see the floor of the chamber. What you can see: the boughs of stunted trees. The smell hits you as you lean forward: it's a fresh earth and vegetation mixed with a smell of fermentation and rot. It seems that below in this chamber, there is a small orchard of some kind that exists without sunlight.

LAURA: Cool!

TRAVIS: Oh, but maybe it's nurtured by--

SAM: Blood.

TRAVIS: Blood and viscous--

LAURA: Oh, shit, it only grows by the blood.

SAM: It's a blood orange orchard.

TRAVIS: You can do better than that.

MATT: What do you do?

LAURA: Could you send some light down there, Caleb?

LIAM: I could do that. Do we want to do that? What’s down there?

TALIESIN: Can we throw a little light down there to see if anything tries to bite at it?

LIAM: Eh, let me borrow this. Frumpkin flies just down to the fountain.

MATT: Okay. (flittering)

LIAM: I want to see, if I bamf into Frumpkin, if I can hear anything below.

MATT: Make a perception check.

LIAM: At advantage.


LIAM: Because he's an owl, and has advantage over hearing. Terrible, both terrible rolls. Eight.

MATT: Absolutely silent.

LIAM: Frumpkin's back on your shoulder. Okay. Four globules of light lower down to the fountain and look over the side to see what that lights up.

MATT: As you guys glance down, these small orbs begin to illuminate the base on the floor. The pillar drops down about 40 feet. The chamber is about 40-foot from floor to ceiling. You have about ten feet before you hit the actual staircase down, but it's a thin staircase. Each step is maybe about seven or so inches wide.

LAURA: Oh, that's terrifying.

TRAVIS: Nott, want to do us a favor to make sure our way is safe?

SAM: Mm-hmm.

LAURA: Wait, let him keep explaining things first.

TRAVIS: Oh yeah, sorry.

MATT: You guys look over and see this as well, the orbs float down and light the area. It is a thick mass of jungle vines and roots, and damp earth that hits the floor. You can see a lot of these similar trees. It's just this singular type of tree that is just repeatedly planted throughout the area. You can see these slightly green- to yellow-colored fruit that are bared by these various trees, a lot of which have fallen and are beginning to ferment on the ground and rot. That's where you get the smell that hit you originally. Some of them that have fallen begin to just slowly rot away and decompose into the floor of this orchard.

SAM: I love me some rotten fruit.

LIAM: Did you say how far to the bottom it seemed?

MATT: About 40 feet from where you are. About 30 feet once you hit the stairs.

SAM: All right, I'll jump down to the platform.

MATT: Okay, make an acrobatics check for me.

SAM: Ooh, yeah. A check? 26.

MATT: Easy enough to do. Even the slick spots and as it ground its way down smeared some of the algae along the outside, which caused a faint bit of slickness on outside of the pillar. Using that, without an issue, slide, land on the top step. It holds your weight.

SAM: I'll take a drink. (huffing) I'm going to start going down the steps and feeling my way for traps and stuff.

MATT: You got it.

SAM: Is that cocked?


SAM: Okay, I can't tell what it is.

LAURA: That's an eight.

SAM: That's a 17 for investigation.

MATT: For investigation to see if there are any traps on the way down. No traps. It is a simple descent and as soon as you hit the soft floor of the orchard, it's just natural ground around you in the immediate vicinity.

SAM: Are there any fruits lying around on the ground?

MATT: Yeah, two that are within a foot of where you stand. They're somewhat beginning to ferment.

SAM: I'll pick one up and smell it. (sniffing)

TRAVIS: Ah-ah!

MATT: Yeah. The interior is a bright orange-yellow color. It looks fleshy, like the inside of a mango. It smells sweet, but it has that turning point where it's starting to get a little bit--

SAM: Do I like it?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: No, Nott!

LAURA: What if they eat this fruit and that's how they-- I'm not there.

TRAVIS: Don't take it. No, Nott.

SAM: I'm going to lick it.

MATT: It tastes sweet and tangy.

TRAVIS: These trees grow in total darkness.

LAURA: You're not there, either.

SAM: I'm just taking a little bite.

MATT: Okay. You nibble a little bit. It tastes pretty good. It's got that tang to it, that iron-y tang aftertaste to it.

SAM: I'll just eat one.

MARISHA: Iron-y!

MATT: Okay, you eat it. What are you guys doing?

LIAM: Well, Fjord is nudging at Caleb--

SAM: It's clear, come on down!


MARISHA: He's looking! He's finger flipping!

SAM: He's checking his Twitter. He's fine.

MATT: It's just fun to fuck with you guys.

MARISHA: Uh-huh.

LIAM: In answer to your quiet question, I could take the silver thread out and--

LAURA: I jump down, too.

MATT: Make an acrobatics check.

LIAM: I could have helped, okay. Everybody's doing things too quickly. That thread will take me ten minutes.

MATT: You catch yourself there, but keep yourself up and begin to descend down the steps and below.

TRAVIS: I was going to have Caleb put the silver string at the entrance so we'd know if somebody came in.

LIAM: That's ten minutes if we want to take it.

TRAVIS and TALIESIN: It's locked and we have the key.

TRAVIS: How did we get in? We picked the lock. We'll be fine.

MARISHA: I jump down.

MATT: Okay, Beau, acrobatics check.

LIAM: Jump just down the 40 feet?

SAM: No, to the staircase. It's a ten-foot fall.


MATT: You hit it and your foot hits a slick spot. You catch yourself and hold onto the edge, adjust, and then continue down without issue.

LAURA: Oh god, 14 is like the--

MARISHA: It's pretty high, considering.

LIAM: You two are down, the two of you?

LAURA: Mm-hmm.

LIAM: You’re up at the top of the tower?

SAM: No, she jumped already. It's you, Caduceus, and Fjord, I think.

TALIESIN: I'm making an athletics check. Ten.

MATT: Ten! Unfortunately, there's not a whole lot of handhold in this area. It's a smooth ten-foot space and as you try to find a handhold to grab onto, you just fall straight down.

LIAM: I cast Feather Fall on him, and me, and him, and Yasha.

SAM: You can do that?

MATT: On how many?

LIAM: On five people.

MATT: That's awesome. That's slick.

LIAM: “Choose up to five falling creatures within range.” I guess I push the two of you as I fall.

MATT: Yeah, I was going to say: they're not falling. As soon as he slips in--

LIAM: I see him fall and I shove these two off and I go (casting).

MATT: Okay, do you take it? Do you guys--

TRAVIS: Yeah. I mean, I'm looking over the edge like this.

MATT: As Caleb sees this happening: shoves.

TRAVIS: I should’ve known--!

MATT: The four of you fall and begin to slowly drift.

TRAVIS: -- that you had everything under control.

MATT: You all land gently on the tips of your toes before the rest of your body finds its weight now resting onto the soft floor of the subterranean orchard.

LAURA: That was pretty cool.

SAM: Wow!

LIAM: That's a good one.

TALIESIN: I'm going to let the trees know that we're here.

MATT: Nott, about a minute's past since you've eaten that fruit and you start feeling a little tingly on the inside of your body.

SAM: Yummy.

LAURA: Tingly how?

LIAM: Does it burn when you pee?

MATT: You turn to look at Caleb and it's crazy. His hair's purple, now it's pink, now it's orange, now it's purple.

SAM: Oh no!

MARISHA: Oh shit.

SAM: What is happening?

TRAVIS: Your eyes are like big black saucers.

MATT: His pupils are purely dilated.

LIAM: Your eyes are normally like tea saucers, but now they're like full plates. Are you all right?

SAM: (giggling)

MATT: As you're glancing around, the light orbs that are slowly drifting, they're leaving trails behind.

SAM: Oh, yes. You should try some of this fruit, guys.

MATT: Make a perception check.

LAURA: Oh god.

MATT: With disadvantage because you--

LAURA: Because you're high as fuck.

SAM: Six.

MATT: Six, okay.

SAM: Man, this is the craziest place we've ever been.

LAURA: Nott, are you okay?

SAM: Do that more. It feels nice, the wind. Do that more. Slower.

LIAM: How much have you had from that bottle of yours?

SAM: Just let me enjoy this.


SAM: Man, I just had one of these fruits, and I think I know everything now. You know, it doesn't matter if Jamedi's alive or dead; we're all going to be dead at some point.

TRAVIS: I think he's clearly messed up. Did you have a fresh fruit or--

MATT: At this point, Jamedi and Avantika have managed to join you below in the chamber.

SAM: Oh! Hey!

MATT: "Hello?"

SAM: Hey!

MATT: Jamedi he pulls out a torch and lights it up. It's very bright.

SAM: Ah!


MATT: Everyone turns slowly to Nott.

TRAVIS: It's like Rocket Raccoon going through the dimensional rifts.

LIAM: There’s already a merry go round of lights going around Nott's head.

MATT: As the faint orbs are met with the brighter torchlight from Jamedi, it opens up the chamber.

LIAM: It’s like the sun in here.

MATT: This entire chamber is roughly 70-ish feet by about 50 feet in size. This orchard, these trees are everywhere.

LIAM: Five-sided still?

MATT: No, this chamber is four-sided, actually. It seems-- make an intelligence check, actually.

LIAM: Natural 20.

MATT: Based on the shape of the temple as you saw it, the size of the chamber you were just in, and the chamber below, there should be more space on the sides and the front of it. It looks like this is probably a central chamber of this floor.

TRAVIS: It's 50 by 70.

LAURA: Do we see any movement in here?

MATT: Make a perception check with disadvantage. Well, with advantage because you have the torchlight on. Or no, sorry, regular roll. Brain working! It’s been a week.

LAURA: It's very shitty. Six.

MATT: Yeah, nothing.

TALIESIN: I'm going to let the trees-- I'm not going to touch the tree, but I'm going to walk up. I don't know the last time you had people in here, but we're going to try and pass through. If you want, we'll take some fruit, if you want the fruit to leave the chamber. If not, we'll try and do our best to leave it be. We respect your space here.

MATT: Seems receptive.


TRAVIS: Jamedi, Captain, either of you know anything about these trees, or its fruit that grows in darkness?

MATT: Jamedi looks around. "I did not go this far into the temple. I returned for your aid, so no."

TALIESIN: Does this look or smell like anything those people eat?

MATT: "It is very possible. I didn't spend too much time studying the inner workings of their day-to-day. I was more focused on surviving." Avantika’s looking around, arms crossed, glancing, keeping her hands near her weapons.

TALIESIN: I don't see how those things are non-interchangeable.

MARISHA: Does this seem to be a lot of fruit?

MATT: It's not a massive amount of it, but each tree is in the process, maybe holding about a few dozen.

TALIESIN: It's like I got a lemon tree!

LAURA: Does this seem like anything we've seen before anywhere, these trees? This fruit?

MATT: No, not this stunted. They're squat trunk, and the top doesn't reach the very top of this chamber. They're about five or so feet below. They're not massive trees by any means, but the idea of trees like this-- and as you look at it now, the color-- previously, you had just the faint light. Looking across the ground as you look up towards the leaves in these trees, the coloration’s not green, necessarily. It's more of a deep purplish brown color to the leaves.

LAURA: Creepy.

TRAVIS: What's our footing like? Stone, roots, wet?

MATT: Currently, it looks to be soft earth, and where are the roots and various vines that have entwined their way around from other plant life that have been subsisting off of the ecosystem that's built in this space.

LIAM: What about entrances and exits?

MATT: You can certainly go check. Make an investigation check.

LIAM: Nott, will you come with me, please? Never mind. Beau, will you come with me, please?


MATT: Your vision is jittery there, Nott.

SAM: Oh sure. I'm going to sit.

TALIESIN: Yeah, Fjord?

TRAVIS: I heard what you said to the trees. Any way to see what runs through these things?

TALIESIN: How are you all drinking? What is it that you live off of? How is this possible in here? I'm going to quickly, out of fear, cast Eyes of the Grave one more time.

MATT: Okay. Glancing about, the same source. The one small blip on your radar: Jamedi.

TALIESIN: Yeah, all right.

MATT: In thinking of those questions, the ground itself is damper around the base of the fountain.

TRAVIS: Directly below where the fountain was?

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: These are carnivorous. Are the trees the same color as the blood of these creatures upstairs? Is it a similar--?

MATT: You could say it's comparable in some ways. It goes from a brown to a faint purple-ish tint.

TALIESIN: I think they've been feeding these things.

MARISHA: Yeah, with blood. Definitely with blood.

LIAM: *Ja*, they're pouring bloody water down here.

TRAVIS: But why?

MARISHA: Well, judging by Nott's reaction right now, and we've already seen that these people hunt, so clearly this fruit isn't their main food supply.

LAURA: They like to get high!

TALIESIN: Is there any signs of animal life in here? Is it any more complex of an ecosystem? I feel like I'm missing something.

MATT: You don't see any signs of animals. You don't see bits of droppings or claw marks or teeth marks on any of the nearby trees at all.

MARISHA: I'm assuming it's for rituals.

MATT: You're looking for?

LIAM: Entrances, exits, stonework, writing. I think you said investigation?

MATT: Investigation check, because at an immediate glance you don't see. There's no open archway or anything.

LIAM: 18.


MATT: As you two begin to make a perimeter, you don't see any doorways. What you do see are on the south wall, the western wall, and the northern wall, there are large stone tablets that are affixed to the wall. Similar to the ones you saw above that have almost mirroring inscriptions of this same vision of Zehir bestowing these mutations upon the followers. On the bottom of each of these tablets there is a hole that's about 12 inches wide and about five or six inches tall.

MARISHA: A tablet? A door?

MATT: There’s no door that you can tell, but you see these large stone tablets that are affixed to the north, western, and south wall. Each of these tablets is about maybe eight feet wide, ten feet tall and the base of it, right before where it meets the floor, there is a little space. A little hole, if you will, that’s about 12-14 inches wide and about 4-5 inches tall.

LAURA: Is it roundy or is it rectangular?

MATT: It's rectangular. You also see amongst the ground as your walking, your foot hits something and you look down and you can see a wicker basket. An empty wicker basket that's overturned.

LIAM: Is there any blood in the wicker basket?


TALIESIN: I think it's for fruit collecting.

MARISHA: I grab Nott and say: Can I pick you up?

SAM: I thought I was already picked up.

MARISHA: Pick Nott up, walk Nott over to one of the tablets. We'll say the north wall and I face Nott towards the tablet and I say: What do you see?

TRAVIS: (deep warped voice) What do you see?

SAM: (gibberish)

MATT: As these globes of light are brought over to see it, it's quite beautiful, but before you even see the relief in the wall, there's this extremely bright series of symbols glowing on the stone in front of you.

MARISHA: You can see glowing symbols? Sorry, you didn't tell me that.

SAM: Oh! What, huh?

MARISHA: What do you see?

SAM: I see glowing symbols.

MARISHA: Holy shit. But I can't see glowing symbols?

SAM: They're so fucking bright!

LAURA: Can you draw them? What do they say?

SAM: Wait, you can't see them?

MATT: They look like that.

SAM: You can't see this? You can see me, can't you?

MARISHA: Yeah. I walk Nott over to the western wall. What is it?

MATT: Another set of symbols. Say it! What is it?

SAM: (screaming)

LIAM: Let's hold on a second. It's been less than an hour. If I put my hand-- oh wait, no it hasn't.

MATT: No, It's been more than an hour.

LIAM: I'm going to start casting Comprehend Languages again.

MARISHA: I take Nott over to the southern wall.

SAM: Stop this! I can't take any more!

MARISHA: Draw! Draw, Nott, draw!

SAM: (sobbing) I've seen too much.

LAURA: Should we have been keeping track of which ones were on which wall?

MARISHA: I went northern, western, southern. That is right, right?

SAM: I think that's the right order. I don't understand any of this shit!

MATT: Make a perception check.

SAM: Seven.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Caleb, do you want to eat some fruit and look at the--?

SAM: Do you want me to draw what I see?

LAURA: Yeah.

LIAM: Feed me while I'm casting.

TALIESIN: I think maybe you should draw what you see.

LIAM: Give me ten minutes. That's on the tablets, right?

TRAVIS: Any tracks in the dirt?

MATT: Make a survival check.

LAURA: I give her my sketchbook with ink and stuff so she can draw the runes that she sees.

MATT: Okay.


MATT: You can see some grooves in the damp dirt, and areas where the soft bits of leaves that are fallen that are pressed down, but the grooves are pushed through pressure.

TRAVIS: Not necessarily bipedal.

MATT: No, not necessarily.

LAURA: I thought you were trying to say “by people.”

MATT: That works, too. Attempting to sketch these over, I'm going to say make an intelligence check with disadvantage, please, Nott.

SAM: Okay. Intelligence check.

MATT: Yes.

SAM: 13.

MATT: You do what you think is a decent job trying to copy what you see. It takes a little while.

LIAM: That would punch in the ten minutes I need to cast Comprehend, so I will retrace all the steps, and place my hands on that writing to see if it reveals its meaning to me.

MATT: Okay, looking at the spell here.

TALIESIN: Yeah, that's an interesting question.

LAURA: (singing) You need to eat some fruit.

SAM: I’m going to take some time to start painting my skin, and drawing my skin because it feels so good.

TRAVIS: Yeah, you're literally peeling up your skin, cool. (scratching)

MATT: It doesn't do anything, because you cannot see the language. You have to be able to touch it and see it to read it.

LAURA: Eat the fruit.

LIAM: (foomph) Lights floating around.

MATT: Right. You see no language.

LAURA: You have to eat the fruit.

LIAM: Oh, I didn't know that she sees it because-- Oh, I didn't know.

MATT: You're figuring this out now as you go to the wall.

LIAM: I do a lot of reading of spells and not a lot of paying attention, you guys.

MATT: That's okay. As you go to the wall, there's nothing there. You're like, “There's no language there.”

LAURA: Here.

LIAM: So that's how you see it?

LAURA: I cut some fruit and stick it on his mouth.

TALIESIN: Why don't you have the owl see it and maybe you could see through the owl.

LAURA: Too late, I already put it on his mouth.

TALIESIN: Or you could just eat that.

MARISHA: I help it down a little bit more.

SAM: Is this good enough for him to discern?

LAURA: Too late, he's already getting high!

MATT: (laughs) Caleb eats the fruit!

TRAVIS: He bought the ticket.

MATT: That would have been probably decent enough to get through that message. Over the next minute or so, Caleb, the colors of the lights begin to shift. You guys watch as Caleb begins to slowly move the floating orbs in different patterns. Gets distracted by his own cantrip.

TRAVIS: (deep and warped) Caleb, how are you feeling?

LIAM: Hey, I stole this ring from you!

LAURA: Caleb, Caleb, Caleb!

LIAM: Oh, it echoes in here.

MATT: Caleb, make a perception check.

LIAM: That is a 16 total.

MATT: Actually, it would be with disadvantage, because of the effect of the--

LIAM: That is a 12.

MATT: Glancing about the interior of the chamber, you look in the directions where Nott was and you can see the three markers, and you see a faint fourth glow from the eastern wall.

LIAM: Eastern wall.

LAURA: There's another wall.

LIAM: I feel really good, but I know--

LAURA: Tell us what the walls say.

LIAM: Wait, wait.

ALL: Wait.

LIAM: I know that I am not in a good position, so somebody come with me to make sure--

SAM: I'll go!

TRAVIS and MARISHA: No, no, not you.

SAM: I protect him!

LAURA: I go with him.

TRAVIS: I pick up Nott by the scruff of her neck and am holding her.

SAM: It's so far!

TALIESIN: I am going to sit on unbelievably high alert, and this place is giving me the heebie jeebies.

MATT: Jamedi is holding the torch as a light source for those who need it. Avantika is grinning, watching this whole thing.

TALIESIN: I'm making my own light source on the staff now.

MATT: As you’re walking by, Avantika saunters up to you, Fjord, and goes like, "I can certainly say, this is the most entertaining bunch I've traveled with in some time."

TRAVIS: Consummate professionals, that's what we are.

MATT: "Oh, of course. We wouldn't be this far if they weren't."

LIAM: Blueberry, come on.

LAURA: I'm coming!

MATT: You head to the southern wall.

LIAM: Yeah, I always know where north is, so it's one of these ways.

MARISHA: “So it's one of these ways.”

SAM: You can see words.

LAURA: What does it say?

MATT: He cast Comprehend Languages.

MARISHA: Is that south?

LAURA: That's the east.

LIAM: He said south just now. I thought you said south. East was the one that we hadn't checked out yet.

MATT: Correct.

MARISHA: You better be writing this shit down.

LIAM: But I don't know which way I am going at the moment, so DM, which way does my keen, addled mind tell me the direction I just went. South?

MATT: South.

LIAM: South. This one says, "The fountain feeds the garden." Oh, we knew that part. Okay. Let's keep looking at the-- okay, what's this one?

LAURA: Let's go to the next one.

MATT: Which one do you go to?

LIAM: Go to the west.

MATT: Western one?

LIAM: *Ja*.


SAM: Need water.

LIAM: "The garden feeds the warden."

MARISHA: The garden feeds the warden?

LIAM: The warden sounds like a sentient-- Ooh, I feel good.

LAURA: Go to the 'nother one!

SAM: The 'nother one?

LIAM: I always know which way north is, so let's go east.

MARISHA: East, south, west, east.

LIAM: Oh, this is like a chain and if I wasn't high as fuck I would get it. "The sacrifice feeds the fountain."

LAURA: Yeah, that's the top thing.

LIAM: *Ja* so this is Part A of the equation. Feeds the fountain. The fountain feeds the garden. The garden feeds the warden. The warden feeds the snakes! Let's go to the last wall. "The warden guards the false serpent."

TRAVIS and SAM: The what?

LIAM: False serpent.

LAURA: The warden guards the false serpent.

LIAM: So there is a false serpent that lives here and we have yet to meet the warden.

MATT: Avantika just looks straight to you and goes, "The false serpent."

TALIESIN: The old serpent.


LAURA: The false serpent.

TALIESIN: I imagine they are speaking of the previous owner of this temple.

TRAVIS: Zehir?

TALIESIN: Probably. Beneath us.

MARISHA: Why's she looking at you like you know what she's talking about?

MATT: "We are close."


MATT: What do you wish to do?

MARISHA: I wish to know what Avantika just fucking said.

LAURA: Let's look for the warden.

TRAVIS: She said we're close.

TALIESIN: We are the warden right now.

MARISHA: We're close?

TALIESIN: We've got two wardens.

LAURA: Oh. You guys are the wardens.

SAM: I'm the warden?

TALIESIN: This is what I'm estimating--

LAURA: You guys are the wardens!

SAM: I don't feel wardeny.

TRAVIS: Jester, I don't think anyone is the warden.

TALIESIN: I'm going to take a look--

LIAM: I think we have yet to meet the warden.


MATT: There's a strange moment as, Nott-- this cold sensation on your back. You're like, "Oh, that kind of tickles." It begins to constrict and you guys glance over and one of the vines is curled up around Nott and begins to tighten around it.

LAURA: Oh no! Get Caleb off the ground!

SAM: It feels like there's a vine around me, but I know it's not real.

MATT: You take 15 points of bludgeoning damage and are grappled.

TRAVIS: Oh fuck! Yasha runs over--

MATT: You are restrained.

LAURA: I lift Caleb off the ground because I’m next to Caleb still.


MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: Yasha runs over to Nott and with the--

MATT: Go for it. Yasha goes in, takes two swings.

LIAM: You’re hurting my ribs.

TRAVIS: Reckless on el vine.

MATT: You got it. You hold him up at which point a vine wraps up around your body, Jester. That is a 16 to hit.

LAURA: Doesn't hit me!

MATT: You kick it off and pull away. You can now see this--

LAURA: I am walking around so the vines don't get me.

MATT: This thick vine that is rising up and it curls around, snake-like in its own right, towards you. Other vines begin to thicken in the area around you and the roots begin to turn the area into hard terrain to walk through. The floor of the forest seems to briefly come alive and you now see these large two thick, entangling vines, one that’s wrapped entirely around Nott and constricting her tiny body. The other one trying to wrap its way around Jester.

TRAVIS: Her first strike was 21. Second one was 14.

MATT: Both hit. Roll damage.

TRAVIS: That's nine points of damage on the first one. 12 points of damage on the second one.

MATT: 12 points of damage on the second one. You can now see as this is happening-- Who wants to take action on this one?

MARISHA: I'll do something and I'll say: Caduceus, can you talk to them?

TALIESIN: You're making a terrible mistake. Stop. Please?

MARISHA: You're always so convincing except for now! I pummel on the ones-- Jester saved Nott? Or is Nott still--

MATT: No, Nott's still being constricted.

TRAVIS: Oh, it's still there. It didn't cut through it?

MATT: Yeah. No.

TRAVIS: Oh wow!

LAURA: What didn't cut through?

TRAVIS: 20 points of damage.

MATT: Carved into and cut elements of it. You can see the vine itself, where it’s split open, there's a hardy, thick, light green, tendon-like material beneath. It’s a very strong vine. It's wrapped around multiple times around Nott now and it's pulling and trying to squeeze her to death.

SAM: It's fine.

MARISHA: Can I wedge my hand in there to try and give a little bit of breathing room for Nott as I punch the vine?

MATT: You can either attempt to help her escape or you can attempt to punch the vine. The choice is yours.

MARISHA: I'll attempt to help Nott escape.

MATT: All right. This is your action.

MARISHA: It might be a terrible mistake.

MATT: Make an athletics check.

MARISHA: Okay. (singing) Don't fuck me, Gil. Fuck me. Almost every time. Nine!

MATT: Nine. Unfortunately, it’s too strong and as you try and pull the vines away, they just are locked in this death grip around Nott. That ends your action. Caduceus.

TALIESIN: Is it wet in here or is it dry in here, would you say?

MATT: It's fairly damp. It's not super moist, but there is a general hint of humidity in the air.

TALIESIN: Out of curiosity--

MATT: While this is happening, Nott, what are you doing?

SAM: I am trying to cast Teleport. I do not have Teleport.


SAM: I'm trying it anyway.

MATT: You're just focusing. Action spent willing yourself somewhere else. Make a constitution saving throw.

SAM: Okay. Con save, 18.

MATT: 18. All right. You don't pop a blood vessel in your eye, but it gets close.

SAM: I think it worked!

TALIESIN: Can I use Create or Destroy Water to try and dehydrate these vines really badly?

MATT: You can--

MATT and TALIESIN: -- certainly try.

TALIESIN: I am going to cast Create or Destroy Water and try and dehydrate as much of the tree and see if that-- While I make my way to some higher ground.

SAM: Remember, Laura, you do have a weasel around your neck.

LAURA: Good point.

MATT: Okay. You manage to disperse a lot of the moisture in the air, but you cannot pull it from a creature.

TALIESIN: Okay. Can't pull it from a creature.

MATT: You would know that with the spell.

TALIESIN: I would know that? Okay. I'm going to try and-- god, the only thing I can think to do at the moment is just do a Sacred Flame to try and get it to let go while I make my way to higher ground because maybe we need to give it blood. I don't know.

MATT: All right. It fails its save. Roll damage. Caleb, what are you doing? You're being held up by Jester right now.

LIAM: I can tell that things are going very poorly so I reach into my pockets and I pull out a bit of iron dust and I go (blowing) and Jester doubles in size.

TRAVIS: Oh tall Jester!

MATT: Now giant Jester is holding Caleb over your shoulder.

LIAM: Hey! Oh.


MATT: 11 points of damage. All right.

LIAM: You get advantage on strength checks and strength saves right now, so you can bust if you're grappled.

MATT: That ends your go. Caleb casts Enlarge on giant Jester. Fjord, what are you doing?

TRAVIS: Can I run over to the basket that was tipped over?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Can I run over and grab it and pick it up and look at it?

MATT: Sure. You grab it and pick it up and look at it. It looks like on the inside it had some elements of remnants of fruit that may have scuffed part of the wicker, but other than that it just looks like a basket.

TRAVIS: Fuck. I'll just fire two blasts of Eldritch Blast at the vine that's holding Nott.

MATT: Well, you'll get to that next round because it takes your action to lift up the basket and inspect it.

TRAVIS: Got it.

MATT: That's okay. That ends your turn. Now, the vines. The one that constricts once again to you, Nott. As it's pulling you in, you feel now these thorns emerge from the inside of its constriction and poison bursts into your system. You take--

LAURA: Did I get to do an action on that last one?

MATT: 23 points of poison damage.

SAM: 23? Nice.

MATT: Yes. Your action was lifting Caleb up off the ground.

TRAVIS: Only you can start a forest fire.

MATT: The other one will attempt to constrict you again. That is a 14 to hit.


MATT: With that, you kick it off with your giant foot. The vine pulls itself back up. Now you can go.

LAURA: Okay. I’m going to cast Spirit Guardians. Can I walk over to where Nott is? I'm going to cast Spirit Guardians and anything that enters that space has to make a wisdom saving throw or take 3d8 radiant damage.

MATT: What's the DC on that?

LAURA: Wisdom save of 15.

MATT: Three and 13. They both fail. Roll 3d6 damage and they both take it.

SAM: These are creatures?

LAURA: This is the vines that are attacking you and if I'm close by anything that's attacking me, too.

MATT: You're close enough to the vine that is trying to attack you, yeah.

LAURA: Okay. 11 points of radiant damage. No, 3d8! Those are 3d6. Hold on. I rolled wrong.

TRAVIS: Please be more than 18.

LAURA: Ooh, that's better. 15.

MATT: 15 points of radiant damage to each. The vine that was constricting around you hadn't taken any damage yet. You see a burst of radiant energy. You watch as it lights up the area briefly. The one that's currently burning around there, the radiant damage burns past. You can see part of it blacken from the impact of the radiant energy, but it’s still holding Nott tight. That ends your go. Yasha. What's Yasha doing?

TRAVIS: Fuck. Yeah. Yasha would like to fucking *ragé* and she will take-- to *ragé.* Take two strikes using Divine Fury while she's raging of radiant damage towards--

MATT: Go for it.

TRAVIS: Reckless. That's 20 for the first one.

MATT: That hits.

TRAVIS: Second one is 23.

MATT: Both hit. Roll damage. Still tearing into that same vine that's holding Nott.

TRAVIS: 19 points with radiant damage on the end of that.

MATT: Correct. Damage on the second strike? 2d6 plus five. Weirdly cocked.

TRAVIS: 11 points of damage.

MATT: 11 points of damage. Hacking through that vine. It's still holding Nott, but it is looking really rough. It's on the edge of keeping itself held together and you can see the parts of where Yasha’s carved through and where the radiant energy has blasted it. It's starting to leak this thick, green sap. It's having a hard time.

TRAVIS: Thick, green sap?

MATT: Yeah, it's a plant bleeding. If you've ever seen a plant bleed.

MARISHA: It's a Green Day cover band.

MATT: There you go. Beau.

MARISHA: Okay. Shit. We didn't roll initiative. Nott's still stuck?

MATT: Yeah, Nott's still stuck. Though the vine around Nott is hurt pretty bad.

TRAVIS: The vine that was holding her was the one that Caleb exploded.

MARISHA: Yeah, I'm going to take my staff and where Jester already put in holes, I'm going to (grunting).

MATT: Go for it. The one that's around Nott or the one that's after Jester?

MARISHA: Nott. Nott?

MATT: The one that's around Nott or the one that's after Jester?


MATT: Okay, go for it.

MARISHA: I didn't know about the one after Jester. I'm sorry.

LAURA: No, I'm good.

MARISHA: Okay. The first one is 22.

MATT: That hits.

MARISHA: Oh it's staff. Staff magic. Ten!

MATT: Ten points of damage. All righty.

MARISHA: Second attack. Not as good. 12.

MATT: 12 misses. You swing the second hit with the staff and as you do, the vine arcs out of the way and it hits air.


MARISHA: And bonus attack. Bad. Bad-ish. 13.

MATT: 13 just hits.


SAM: Bad-ish.

TALIESIN: Bad-esque.

MARISHA: Eight damage.

MATT: At this point, I also need you to make a strength saving throw.


MATT: Yep.

MARISHA: Because I'm attacking?

MATT: Now that you've moved in, the vines in the area begin to entangle and move around.

MARISHA: Okay. 14.

MATT: You manage to push off of the vines on the ground around you that are trying to entangle and hold your legs to the ground. Jester, I need you to also make a strength saving throw.

LIAM: At advantage because of Enlarge.

MATT: Yes.

LAURA: Oh, that's--

SAM: Damn!

TALIESIN: Hulk smash.

LAURA: 22.

MATT: No issue. You just kick out of the vines without problem.

LIAM: Yeah. Technically.

LAURA: Technically-- you suck, vines.

MATT: That brings us to Nott. On the top of your turn, as you are still constricted, you take another 19 points of poison damage.

SAM: I'm out.


MATT: Nott goes unconscious and you watch the vines closing entirely around her face and torso, just the arm poking out of the side. You can now see as the lighter green skin tone get darker with blood now being pushed towards the outer sides of her limbs. At end of your turn, Nott, I need you to make a death saving throw.

MARISHA: Oh my god!

SAM: 16?

MATT: That's a success. All right. Caduceus.

TALIESIN: I can sometimes influence plants. I'm going to try and get them to stop.

MATT: You're going to attempt to--

TALIESIN: I'm going to try to tell the trees to stop.

MATT: Okay. What are you saying?

TALIESIN: We're not here for you. Let go and stop this, or I can't be held responsible for what happens to this place. Do not join the cycle of life and death here.

MATT: Make an intimidation check.

TALIESIN: Do I get advantage?

LAURA: Trees and vines.

TRAVIS: Yeah, they're mean, though.

TALIESIN: An intimidation check?

MATT: Mm-hmm.

TALIESIN: All right. No. Wow, that's a terrible roll-- and a terrible roll. Seven. No, no, eight. Eight.

MATT: Oh, buddy.

TALIESIN: That's okay! I'm going to use my bonus to cast Spare the Dying anyway on Nott. You're stabilized.

MATT: Okay, there you go. You no longer have to roll death saving throws.

SAM: Great.

MATT: It can still constrict you, but... All right, so that ends your turn. Unfortunately, your cries fall on deaf ears as it appears the hunger that drives these vines overrides the communication you're attempting to spring with them. That opportunity may have worked, but not this time!

TALIESIN: Darn it.

MATT: All right, finishing your go. Now --

TRAVIS: Fjord hasn't gone.

MATT: That's right, Jester and-- well, no, you cast Spirit Guardians this turn, right? Last turn?

TALIESIN: Last turn.

LAURA: I have no idea what turn is what.

MATT: I know, I'm trying to keep in my head here--

SAM: It's the top of this round.

TRAVIS: Have you taken two turns since--

MATT: She did. She lifted up Caleb the first time, the second time you cast Spirit Guardians. Now we're going to Caleb and Fjord. Fjord, what are you doing?

LAURA: --there are little pocket unicorns dancing around. I just wanted you to know.



MATT: There you go. Dancing and spearing with their little horns.

MARISHA: Return of the fucking unicorns!

TRAVIS: Because the basket didn't do anything, I'll summon the falchion and I will run towards the vine.

MATT: All right. Roll a strength saving throw to see if you can manage to break through the entangling vines to get towards it.

TRAVIS: That's not good, though. Oh, good, natural 16.

MATT: You feel them pull at your shins but you still kick through and you hear them snap as you manage to brush past their grip making your way towards-- which one, the one that has Nott?

TRAVIS: Yeah, the one that has Nott.

MATT: Go ahead and make your first attack.

TRAVIS: Yeah. As I'm arcing down and I look out the side, is the eye doing anything?

MATT: It's present.

TRAVIS: Cool, it's there, good deal. 23.

MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

LAURA: (posh accent) 23.

TRAVIS: (posh accent) Would you shut up?


TRAVIS: Aw, fuck. Five points of damage.

MATT: Five points of damage. You carve through the vine-- Bisecting it. You watch as now, looking as you get close up, you can see the base of it now. This slowly shambling chunk of rooted plant. As you run forward, your blade arcing through the air, you cut through the base of it. The actual vine falls limp and uncurls, Nott's body falling to the ground unconscious. That vine is destroyed.


LAURA: Get her off the ground! Get her off the ground! As I spit on him.

MATT: You still have another attack, and there's the other vine still trying to wrap around Jester.

TRAVIS: Oh, yeah, I'll take the other one.

MATT: All right, you move up to strike that one.

TRAVIS: Yes, please. Oh, that's not going to do it. Nine.

MATT: Nine misses, unfortunately.


MATT: All right, that finishes your go. Caleb!

LIAM: There is vines on Jester down below, correct?

MATT: Correct.

LAURA: Oh, wait, but they should've taken damage on my turn again.

MATT: Correct-- on your turn or their turn?

LAURA: On their turn again.

MATT: Their turn's coming up. They forgot to keep that up last time.

LIAM: I'm just sort of being shaken back and forth by the blue giant and I'm going to-- I'm super high!-- throw a Fireball down at the vines below. Simple spell.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Fire*bolt*.

LIAM: Bolt. Not ball.

MATT: Bolt! Okay. I was like-- All right.

LIAM: I don't have Fireball.

LAURA: (imitating death scream)

TRAVIS: I saw you were going--

LIAM: (combustion)

LAURA: Thanks a lot Caleb!

LIAM: That is a 25 to hit.

MATT: 25 to hit, that definitely hits.

TRAVIS: Like Independence Day. "They're opening up!" (explosion)

MATT: Basically.

MARISHA: Just raving.

LIAM: But it's just one, so I was scared to go too big, and I just go (small zap).

MATT: It should be-- how'd you get a one if it's 2d10?

LIAM: It's *2*d10?

MATT: At level five, you're--

LIAM: Oh, level five, thank you!

TRAVIS: Damn, 2d10?

LIAM: Oh, now it's three.


MATT: Three damage to it. That ends Caleb's go.

LIAM: (panicky drug trip groan)

MATT: All right. Now both of them are going to attempt-- the one's dead, the other one fails its save, so go ahead and roll that one.

SAM and LAURA: --yeah yeah yeah!

TRAVIS: Ch-ch-ch-ch-check it out.

SAM: (singing) Check, check, check, check it out--

LAURA: 14 damage!

MATT: 14 damage, nice. It's going to go ahead and attempt-- it's now moving away from you and moving over towards Fjord. That is going to roll a 17 to hit.

TRAVIS: That is my armor class.

MATT: It hits you. It-- (whiplash) wraps around Fjord, pulls your arms to the side of your body and constricts you! You immediately take nine points of bludgeoning damage, and you are grappled and restrained.

TRAVIS: Okay, okay.

MATT: All right, that finishes that one's go. That brings us to-- now Avantika kicks in. Avantika pulls out blades and is going to go ahead and attack the one going after you and goes "Hands off of him!" Hits with both, and then-- natural 20 on the dagger.

TRAVIS: The magical elven poison flame hurricane dagger.

MARISHA: Double d4!

LAURA: I feel like you got Avantika on your mug.

MARISHA: Oh yeah, kind of. This was me at the live show.

MATT: Avantika just starts eviscerating this vine with two slaps of the rapier and then one giant dagger strike that carves up the side. Looking pretty hurt! Still holding on, though. That being the case, we're going to be back at the top. That brings us to Yasha, who's next.

TRAVIS: Yasha will run, clearly disturbed by Fjord being lifted into the air, and will *certainly* make two reckless attacks.

MARISHA: Yeah yeah yeah!

TRAVIS: She says (flirtily) "Put him down!"


SAM: I'm a little confused.

MATT: Ashley's going to be real happy.

MARISHA: Yasha, you're just so flirty today.

TRAVIS: Nine, nine. It's nine.

SAM: "Put that stud muffin down so I can make out with him!"

MATT: Nah, it misses.

TRAVIS: Second one's a natural 20.

MATT: Oh, there we go.

TRAVIS: No Divine--

MATT: No, for the first hit. The first hit that hits gets the Divine Fury.

TRAVIS: Oh, kickass. Okay. (counting)

MATT: You double the dice on that one.

TRAVIS: Yep. So 26.

MATT: 26 points of damage. As Yasha just carves through, the second strike cutting straight up the side, almost freeing you, it's shredded and still holding on by a thread of its life as it's trying to pull you back to wherever it crawled its way out of, but still standing. That finishes Yasha's go. Jester.

LAURA: I'm going to cast --

MATT: It's barely holding on.

LAURA: Okay, I'm going to Sacred Flame it.

MATT: All right. It fails with a four on its wisdom save there. Go ahead and roll damage.

LAURA: This is radiant damage again! That's five?

MATT: Five points of damage; how do you want to do this, Jester?


LAURA: I say "Put him down!" Just like Yasha, I echo Yasha. Then I radiant damage the vine and then I stomp it with my giant feet, and then I also lift Fjord up onto my other shoulder.

MATT: Okay, the giant Jester stomping out the vine on the ground, it's now like-- (splattering) Parts of it are being crushed and turned to pulp.

TRAVIS: Oh, thanks Jester-- (scared moans)

LAURA: Don't worry, little children.

TRAVIS: Now am I over your shoulder in, like, the baby burping pose, or sitting on your shoulder?

LAURA: You're sitting on my shoulder. Caleb is draped over the shoulder.

TALIESIN: Just need to get Nott to higher ground.

MATT: Caleb is fireman's carry.

TRAVIS: Got to get Nott on --?

TALIESIN: To higher ground would be nice. Anywhere where we can see clearly.

LIAM: Quickly! Before this runs out.

LAURA: We need to heal. Heal Nott, heal Nott!

TALIESIN: I just-- do we know where we're going yet?

TRAVIS: I think down, but I don't know how to get there.

MARISHA: I run over and I pick up Nott and I--

TALIESIN: Are we still being attacked by these things?

MATT: Make a perception check.

TALIESIN: (sarcastically) Happily.

SAM and MARISHA: (vocalizing intro to *The Lion King*)

MATT: Jamedi's still holding the torch up to give you a good range of light.


MATT: Looking around you, you can see where the two clusters of these weird vine creatures were, these assassin-type vines. You see there's just two of them, and glancing about the chamber and giving a good solid look, you don't see any more of that type. It looks like these two were the ones that were rooted here either as protector or had just woven their way down here and became part of the ecosystem. But at the moment, you don't see any other threat.

TALIESIN: Are we taking ten minutes, or are we just moving on now?

TRAVIS: We should move now, right?

MARISHA: We should move.

TALIESIN: Well, all right then. I'm going to just pull a little energy out of the crystal and I'm going to tap Nott on the forehead and cast Cure Wounds at level three.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: You have 30 hit points.

SAM: Whoa, that's tons.

LIAM: Also, Enlarge runs out and we crash on top of Jester.

LAURA: How long does it last?

LIAM: One minute.

LAURA: (brief exertion)

MATT: Both Fjord and Caleb (crash) onto the ground, tumbling onto your sides.

TRAVIS: Sorry, Jester.

LAURA: No, I'm sorry-- that you weren't protected earlier.

TRAVIS: You all right?

LAURA: I'm good, thank you for asking.

TALIESIN: That's good to know, too.

SAM: (panting) That... was... amazing. I would do it again in a second. Holy shit. I mean, we used to mess around with chemicals, but *nothing* like that!

LAURA: Is he still high? Are you still high? Are either of you still high?

MATT: They both very much are. You have no idea how long this is going to last.

LAURA: Spiritual unicorns are dancing around you guys as this is going on.

SAM: (excited laughter) Did you see that?!

LAURA: They're like this big!

SAM: How is my hand as big as yours now?! It doesn't make any sense!

LIAM: Ooh. I will turn your hand into gold.

TALIESIN: I'm going to inspect these two plants. If there's anything that would have been difficult to get to past these two plants. I feel like maybe those are the-- they might be --

SAM: Remember that there was those--

MATT: The only other thing you've seen are the central slips, the holes in the bottom of those three tablets.

TRAVIS: Let's go look more closely at those.

TALIESIN: I'm going to cast some-- I'm going to use my light maybe to give everybody a little view.

MATT: As you make your way towards some of those doors, we're going to take a little break.


MATT: I just realized we're past nine o'clock. Take a break here, we'll be back here in a short bit to pick up their investigation as to where the next exit point of this chamber may be. In the meantime, guys, we have our giveaway here! We have a fantastic padauk with ebony dust inlay Halloween dice vault. I've not seen this before, it looks awesome.

LIAM: That one says--

MARISHA: Yeah, that one says--

LIAM: Your toilet guarded by the hemoglobins.

MARISHA: There's a hole in the bucket.

TALIESIN: Knee bone connected to the--

MATT: You can find this available now on Kickstarter through Halloween, run by our good friends at Wyrmwood. This one will be given away to someone who wins the giveaway, which in order to enter you have to come over to the Critical Role Twitch chat-- that's during the break and enter-- only once!-- the code word "snakes." Plural. (as Indiana Jones) "Why'd it have to be snakes?" We'll have a winner for you when we come back from the break, and we'll see you in a few minutes.



Part IIEdit

MATT: Hello everybody, and welcome back. Our winner of the fantastic Wyrmwood padauk with ebony dust inlay Halloween dice vault from the Kickstarter is... punypompouspuffball.

TRAVIS: Trippy!

LIAM: Wow, that's almost a Matt Mercer callout!

MATT: Congratulations, punypompouspuffball. We'll have your Wyrmwood gift sent off to you ASAP. Happy Halloween.

TALIESIN: Posthaste? Possibly?

MATT: So. Where we left off, Mighty Nein. You began to go and inspect some of these tablets with these gaps beneath the bottom. Which way did you want to go?

TRAVIS: Oh, the one that was--

MARISHA: How big are the gaps?

MATT: They're about 12 to 14 inches wide, and about four to five inches tall. Or on the bottom.



MARISHA: Yeah, because north was--

TALIESIN: The warden garden.

MARISHA: The warden. Okay, but hang on. Do we want to go in, like, order, and start with the fountain feeds the garden? Sorry, sorry, sorry, "the sacrifice feeds the fountain" at east.

MATT: All right. There is no tablet or hole in the east.

MARISHA: Oh. What about --


MARISHA: Yeah, south. "Fountain feeds the garden."

MATT: Okay. Into the south. Who's doing what? Are you looking through it?

TALIESIN: I'll take a look.

MATT: All right. Make a perception check. Are you doing it with a light source below?


LIAM: (intoxicated) Absolutely! (huffs)

TALIESIN: I'm going to keep some distance to see if anything snaps at me.

MATT: Perception check.

TALIESIN: I've gotten a little jumpy. Not very good, 15.

MATT: Glancing inside, you see a hatchery of some kind. There's a strong smell of fermentation in there. A majority of the room seems to be a series of clusters of roughly one foot tall eggs. They've all been placed in various edges there, nestled in soft dirt and molding fruit.

SAM: Eggs are always good in D&D.

TALIESIN: Can I get a sense of the sort of animal that would've laid--

MATT: This is the south room, right?

TALIESIN: Yeah, this is the south-- fountain feeds the--

MATT: You also see what appears to be a broken humanoid corpse, long decomposed, jammed by one of the clusters.

TRAVIS: Is he wearing manacles?

MATT: No, no manacles.

TALIESIN: Also, can I figure out being in here, do we have any idea how those portholes, those four portholes up above, would feed into this room?

MATT: You can look around you. Go ahead and make a perception check.

TALIESIN: How healthy does that egg look?

MATT: Well, there are a number of eggs inside there.

TALIESIN: They're lizard eggs, aren't they?

MATT: They look to be somewhat reptilian, yeah.

TALIESIN: Mm-hmm. How healthy-- oh, yeah.

MATT: I mean, it's hard to tell from this distance. All you see is the eggs and the body there.

MARISHA: I assume you're telling us all this, yeah?

TALIESIN: Yeah, there's some reptile-- large reptile eggs in the--

MATT: They start about four feet into the room, and the room itself from what you can see down there is enclosed.

TALIESIN: It appears to be a hatchery of some kind.

MARISHA: Is this-- "The fountain feeds the garden." Maybe *this* isn't the garden that they were talking about.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I'll take a look to see if--

MATT: Go for it.

TRAVIS: No keyholes, right?

TALIESIN: God, these are terrible. 14.

MATT: You do see, in some of the walls about two feet off the ground similar sized holes that are pushed in against where some of the vines and some of the carvings are that curl upward-- you imagine probably meeting with some of the holes above. You get the sense that perhaps something uses these to traverse up and down parts of this temple.

TALIESIN: It could be where, once the eggs hatch, they come up, or this is how they get the eggs down, this is a nesting area. All right, what's the west side really quickly?

MATT: You head to the west one and you go ahead and look inside, I imagine putting the spheres in as well? Make a perception check.

LIAM: I can feel my hair growing.

TALIESIN: Oh, that's better. 19.

MATT: Glancing inside, it’s a relatively simple chamber. From what you can tell, there are elements of stonework placed in, but they haven’t been carved, and they are only partially done. They’ve gotten most of the temple finished, and they haven’t quite fully completed their work in going over the walls inside. The small chamber is maybe 15 by ten feet, and while there’s no other real discerning shapes or details to it, you do see about ten feet ahead of you. It descends into stairs. Ten-foot wide set of stairs.

LIAM: Is there any writing or anything in there?

TALIESIN: No, but I think it keeps going down. I think they just never quite sealed it up.

MARISHA: Seems like a pretty important entrance. I don’t know why that would be last on their list.

TALIESIN: They’re not expecting problems, and they don’t seem that bright.

LIAM: They’re not-- the warden can take care of itself?

TALIESIN: I guess we’ll take a quick look at north just to finish things off?

MATT: Okay. Make another perception check, please.

SAM: Why is everyone yelling?


MATT: This looks to be a sister hatchery room to the one on the south. This one does not contain a body, but just other clusters of eggs.

TALIESIN: Is it possible to tell if these eggs might hatch anytime soon, or are they that’s left of them?

MATT: Make a nature check.

TALIESIN: All right. Let’s do that. My nature is terrible, which is ironic. But I rolled a natural 20, so that should do.

MATT: With what experience you have with seeing much smaller snakes and other type creatures in nature, you’re not really fully understanding the gestation period of yuan-ti. These eggs don’t look like they’re ready to hatch in the next few days or so. There’s still some time before the oldest clutches of--

TALIESIN: Is this true? Both look similar, both seem--

MATT: Yeah, I’d say so.

TALIESIN: There’s probably no direct danger leaving these things untouched for now. I think we’ve found a way down there, at least.

TRAVIS: We found our way into the room, though.

TALIESIN: How big is the entrance into that little, unfinished--

MATT: It’s the same five-inch tall, 12, 13 inches wide space.

MARISHA: Do the tablets look to be on any hinges or levers?

MATT: Make an investigation check.

MARISHA: Okay. That’s a natural one.

MATT: You have no idea.

LAURA: Can I try reaching with my hands and pulling?

MATT: Sure. Make a strength check.

LAURA: No, I’m still big! No, I’m not still big. (humming) No. 12.

MATT: It’s wide enough. The actual stone tablets are maybe about three and a half, four inches long. You can get your fingers through and pull on the other side, but it does not budge. At all.

TALIESIN: Does it seem like it’s separating from the rock, even a little, if I take a look at it from the side?

MATT: Make an investigation check.

TALIESIN: Aw, man. Low intelligence. That’s a 13.

MATT: Okay. It doesn’t separate at all, but you do see each of the tablets. Where they’re part of the wall, they’re actually recessed in as opposed to placed against it. You can see, a very very faint gap where they would probably slide either side to side based on some mechanism.

TRAVIS: Nott, you think you can fit under that gap?

SAM: Yeah! Course I can! That’s a vast cavern down there.

TRAVIS: Get going.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: (laughs) Which one are you going in?

SAM: Which one are we near? Which one had the stairs going down? The stairwells?

MATT: It’s the western one.

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: All right. Make an acrobatics check, just to see if you can squeeze through the space.

SAM: 14.

MATT: Your small, goblin form has no real problem-- you have to rearrange your skull at a certain angle to make it through the gap, but you do manage to make your way through to the opposite side of the chamber.

TRAVIS: What do you see?

TALIESIN: Throw some light in there.

SAM: I’ll be back in five minutes.

TRAVIS: No no, what do you see in the room, Nott?

SAM: Oh. What? I don’t know. What do I see?

MATT: You see the simple chamber. It looks like, at first, there was unfinished carvings in the wall, so it looks like the carvings come to a completion, and then the rest of it is a solid stone interior that stops at a wall on the opposite end about 15 feet in, and stairs that slowly curve down about ten-foot wide, just begin to go on a wide spiral downward.

SAM: There’s some carvings, and there’s a moving staircase.

MARISHA: Did you say moving?

TRAVIS: I think she said moving staircase, yeah.

SAM: It’s not moving fast, it’s just going back and forth.

LIAM: Pressing face against the crack on. Do you see-- Jester wants to know if you see a switch.

LAURA: Like a lever, like a switch, or anything.

TALIESIN: I’m going to keep trying, see if there’s anything that connects to anything.

LIAM: Do you need a globule or an owl?

SAM: Is there light or any keyholes or any switches or--?

MATT: Make an investigation check.

SAM: I’m fascinated by the walls. I rolled a 28.

MATT: Okay. So. Amongst the right hand carving, you look within one of the simple portions of a pillar or an obelisk as part of this carving that looks like a similar construct to the city that surrounds this temple, but the obelisk itself appears to protrude from a slight groove from behind this actual gap behind the obelisk, and you reach through and give it a tug. It pulls forward about an inch, at which point, the doors-- All three of the doors open at once, and the fountain raises up to close and return to where it was above.

SAM: Nope. Didn’t find any.

TRAVIS: Good job, Nott.

LIAM: Wow. Wow wee wee wow wow.

TRAVIS: Why don’t you hold Jester’s hand and we’ll see where these stairs lead?

TALIESIN: I’ll grab a couple of the fruit that were on the ground and put them in my pocket.

MATT: You fill a pocket with fruit.

MARISHA: I do the same.

LIAM: Are you trying it?

LAURA: Same. I’m going to take some and put it in my bag again.

MATT: Okay. You grab some fruit and put it in your bag.

SAM: I’ll take some for the road. Just to hold.

MATT: Jamedi’s waiting for all of this to happen. Avantika isn’t immediately visible.

TRAVIS: Is Nott immediately visible?

MATT: Mm-hm.

TRAVIS: Jamedi, where’d your boss go?

MATT: You can see the southern wall. Avantika is rushing back towards you. “Well done. Congratulations. Shall we?”

LAURA: Where were you?

MATT: “I was inspecting the other chambers as they opened.”

MARISHA: Did you find anything?

MATT: “Snakes and a dead body. Huh?”

MARISHA: Where’s the dead body?

MATT: “There’s a corpse in the other chamber.”

MARISHA: Anything good?

MATT: “Rotted flesh and some bones.”

SAM: You must know all about that!

MATT: “I’ve seen a few in my time. Perhaps even caused a few.” She looks at you with a grin. (snaps fingers) You watch as this brief burst of flame (poof) in front.

SAM: Ah! Ah!

MATT: “This is going to be so much fun!”

TRAVIS: Indeed. Captain, I feel like we are having all the fun ourselves. Perhaps you and your friend would like to take the lead this next round.

MATT: “That was not part of the arrangement. You are proving your use to me as my companions and part of my team. As the captain of the ship and as your superior, I tell you what to do, and you do it.”

MARISHA: I mean, we’re not on the ship right now, though. Right? Hard to captain the ship when you’re a hundred feet underground.

LIAM: *Ja*, anything could happen right here.

MATT: “So what, you kill me, then return and my entire crew just wipes you out as you arrive?”

TRAVIS: Kill you? My goodness, we were just trying to offer you a little bit of *fun* for this next stage. We had no problem--

MATT: “Oh, I can read between the lines quite strongly there, Fjord. I appreciate that. Look, this is not me trying to impose my will, just continue the arrangement we made. And I do not feel like taking the lead. No. That is not the safest route for the captain, eh?”

MARISHA: Why are you looking at me? Is she invisible?

MATT: No, she’s visible.

MARISHA: Oh, okay.

TRAVIS: Did you eat that fruit yet?

LAURA: I want to go over and see if there was a dead body in the other one.

MATT: Yeah. There’s a dead body there.

TRAVIS: Is there anything missing in the room?

MATT: Make a perception check.

LAURA: Whoa, did you see that? That was crazy. 13.

MATT: Looking around, you see the egg clutches. You see the body. Not much else in there.

LAURA: What does the body look like?

MATT: It looks like a decomposed corpse. Tattered clothing, broken leather belt, a simple satchel hangs open, just rotted and gone. It’s been there for a long time.

LAURA: Anything in the satchel?

MATT: You go ahead and scoot down for a look.

LAURA: Did it look like-- like no way I could tell if she took anything from the satchel?

MATT: You have no idea.

LAURA: She took something from the satchel. I stomp back to the rest of the group.


MATT: She was the first to inspect the body. “So who is to make their descent? How about you, Captain Tusktooth? Will you choose one of your subordinates to lead the fray into the subterranean chambers?”


MATT: “I think she’s volunteering, huh?”

MARISHA: No. That’s-- ugh.

LAURA: Go, Beau! You’re so cool! You should lead it!

LIAM: *Ja,* let’s go unleash the big snake.

MATT: “That sounds unanimous, then! Beauregard, I believe is the name that they keep calling you. Please find your way down. We’ll be right behind you.”

MARISHA: Tracy is my middle name. And I walk downstairs.

MATT: All right, so what’s the marching order?

TRAVIS: Hey Phillip, look at me real quick. Phillip!

SAM: Caleb, he’s talking to you!

LIAM: What, who? Who is?

TRAVIS: (whistle) Over here. Eyes up. How big are those--?

MATT: Pretty big.

TRAVIS: Fuck. Okay.

MATT: Beauregard’s in front.

SAM: We’ve been down here for *days!*


TRAVIS: Maybe we should think about getting them some coffee or something? Before we have to go back down?

MATT: Who’s after Beauregard?


MATT: All right, Jester’s after Beauregard.

LIAM: Somebody’s dead.

TALIESIN: Put the high people in the middle, maybe.

MATT: Okay, so we’ll put Caleb and Nott here.

LIAM: Fjord and Yasha are the tallest. We put them perfect.

TRAVIS: I’ll be in the very back.

TALIESIN: I’ll be in front of you, just so we have a cleric on either end.

MATT: All right, and Avantika is going to stay back with Fjord and Caduceus, and Yasha is going to be right in front of you guys. All righty. Are you descending quietly?


MATT: I need you all to make a stealth check.

SAM: Do the stonies get disadvantage or anything?

MATT: Mm-hmm.

LAURA: Beau, I’m going to give you Blessing of the Trickster right in front of you.

MARISHA: Which gives me plus-- advantage? I will take it.

LIAM: (singing) Natural 20!

TRAVIS: Natural 20! (high fives Liam)

LIAM: I need to drop acid *all* the time!

MATT: Roll for Yasha, if you don’t mind as well.

TRAVIS: Oh yes.

MATT: All right. Beau?


SAM: 20.

LAURA: 15.


TRAVIS: Holy shit! Yasha rolled a natural 20!


TALIESIN: Oh, thank god!

MATT: While you catch yourself about to stumble down the stairs, Yasha reaches out and catches you and stops you, pulls you back quietly under your heels, and just pats you on the shoulder and continues walking down.

TRAVIS. Three natural 20s. Thank god.

MATT: All right. You guys make your way quietly down the spiraling staircase that descends 20, 40, 60 feet before you see it begin to open into another chamber. Jamedi has the torchlight and stays back so as to not let any flickering light pollute into the next room. He gives a nudge into that direction, and you can see where the stairway continues to descend, but there’s an area where the wall comes to an end. There’s an open chamber lurking on the other side.

LAURA: This is where the warden lives.

MATT: Continuing through, Jamedi’s staying back, not wanting to show the torchlight. Who’s going ahead to--?

MARISHA: I just peek around the corner with my goggles on to see if I see anything.

MATT: I’ll show you what you see.

ALL: (sounds of awe)

LIAM: Going into a battle high as fuck!

TALIESIN: Got a brand new map, got a brand new map!

TRAVIS: (imitates sounds of drums)

SAM: Guys, D&D Beyond has partnered with Beadle & Grimm’s to paint my face. Check it out! You get $50 off.!

MARISHA: What’s that there?

SAM: It’s a symbol or shape!

MARISHA: There’s a different wallpiece!

TALIESIN: She doesn’t see the other side of it.

MATT: As you look past the corner on that staircase, into this chamber, you see these three large, load-bearing pillars, intricately carved, that make their way to the ceiling of this roughly 60-foot chamber. In the center of it, a pool of water around a small well, but the entire chamber itself is filled with about an inch or two of water. While it's not a glass surface-- There's a slight disturbance to it. There's a slight shift. A shape that is currently coiled quietly. On this end, one of the large, full-bodied snake yuan-ti that you had encountered briefly in the city outside of the temple that had grabbed Jester and was about to make off with her. You can see the 15- or 20-foot long serpentlike lower part of the body where there are no legs-- just this long snake-- that coils around. The muscular, wide, humanlike broad shoulders and muscular arms themselves folded forward. You can see the head-- this full snake head is curled in, eyes closed and almost like prayer or sleep. Strung across one side of its back is a long scimitar that's sheathed. The other shoulder has a longbow thrown over the shoulder, and there is a beautiful silver shield, almost like silver and marble, that's resting on the ground next to its coil, and it's quietly looking down towards the pool of water. There are a couple of other raised platforms in the chamber. Decorative or ceremonial, you're uncertain, but it is quiet, and what little movement that remains there is probably just the very faint ripples of the last bit of physical activity this creature had made amongst the surface of the two to three inches of water that fills the chamber.

TRAVIS: The whole chamber is two to three inches?

MATT: From what Beau can see, yes. The well is risen above it and the surface is still on the top of that well.

MARISHA: I communicate all of that to everybody. Caduceus, you were talking about some--

LAURA: (whispered) Has it been more than ten minutes since the fight?

MATT: Since the fight? Oh yeah.

LAURA: (whispered) Okay, just checking.

MARISHA: (whispering) You were talking about some poison resistance.

TALIESIN: I can do one.


TALIESIN: Who's going to take it?

TRAVIS: Not me.

SAM: Take what?

TALIESIN: Poison resistance.

MARISHA: All I have are these.

TRAVIS: Yeah. Give it to Beau.

TALIESIN: All right. I'm going to cast Protection from Poison on Beau.

MARISHA: Thank you. I also communicate--

MATT: What level is that?

TALIESIN: Level two. You have advantage on saving throws against being poisoned, and you have resistance to poison damage.

MARISHA: Thank you. I also said: He has a shield and a scimitar. I don't know if we can get the shield away from him, but it'll make him easier to hit.

LIAM: Is it pitch-black in there, or is there a light source?

MATT: There is no light source.

TRAVIS: It looks like he's asleep or praying, you said?

MARISHA: It almost is like he's meditating, like I did that *one* time.

MATT: That one time.

TRAVIS: What a good monk.

MARISHA: Yeah. He's looking into the water, which makes me nervous about the water, because what could come out of it?

LAURA: (whispered) I feel like we should spring an attack on him.

TRAVIS: You don't have to whisper.

LAURA: (normal voice) I feel like we should spring an attack on him.

TRAVIS: We'll probably get *one* shot.

TALIESIN and MARISHA: Can we get the shield away from him?

TRAVIS: Who's got one awesome shot?

SAM: We do.

TRAVIS: We do?

SAM and LAURA: We do.

TRAVIS: What's your awesome shot?

SAM: It's a little something we like to call--

SAM and LAURA: Fluffernutter.

TRAVIS: I want to say yes. I just don't know if now's the time to be demoing a new thing.

MARISHA: Can you pitch it to us in 30 seconds or less?

LIAM: A quick pitch would be really good.

MARISHA: Do you have a one sheet?

TRAVIS: You know what? Fluffernutter sounds great.

LIAM: No. I'm so high right now, but I know that that is not a good-- what is it?

SAM: (crossbow locking)

TRAVIS: What are you holding?

LIAM: What is that?

LAURA: I'm pulling out the little keg of black powder that Nott stole from the pirate ship.

SAM: I've got my explosive arrow nocked.

MARISHA: Starting to get a picture, yeah.

TRAVIS: Couple quick thoughts. When we tried to blow up the tree, didn't work so well. Two load-bearing beams in a closed room with no windows, so it's going to hurt us too.

LAURA: Fluffernutter.

TRAVIS: Okay, the name is great. I'm just thinking maybe in practical use, not the best idea here.

SAM: Think about this.

TRAVIS: I am the only one doing that.

SAM: She throws it, I fire, it explodes. No structural damage, only damage to the creature. That's how I see it going down.


LAURA: We're whispering all of this very quietly.

MARISHA: If you miss though, the ground is covered in water, so the powder will get really wet.

TRAVIS: Hold for just a second. Captain.

MATT: "Yes?"

TRAVIS: I have been an admirer of your ability to disappear. We could use that talent now if you thought you could get up close and strike without being detected. None of us--

LAURA: We could Fireball it.

LIAM: I cannot do that right now. One, I have not prepared it. Two, I'm really messed up.

TRAVIS: Do you think you have the skill to pull off such a feat?

MATT: "Why, but of course I can make myself or another invisible."

LAURA: (whispered) Another person could be invisible.

SAM: Like you, with the keg.

LAURA: (whispered) I could have the keg. Yeah, or I could be invisible, go in, and touch him and cast Inflict Wounds.

SAM: What's that?

TRAVIS: Is that pretty heavy duty?

LAURA: It does a lot of damage if it hits.

SAM: But it won't kill the thing.

TRAVIS: Do you want to be danger close like that?

LAURA: It's 5d10, and it's heavy!

TRAVIS: Let's do it.

SAM: That's not enough!

MARISHA: She can potentially get a good--

SAM: (crossbow locking)


SAM: I've cocked this thing three times!

TRAVIS: Bolts are just popping off the end of it and onto the floor, just expending shells onto the floor.

LIAM: I could also summon Schmidt.

TRAVIS: What is Schmidt?

SAM: He's the invisible friend.

LIAM: To carry the keg over--

TRAVIS: No, no keg. This is fantasy and magic. Fuck the blackpowder keg.

SAM: Fjord. Counterargument: (crossbow locking)


TRAVIS: I have a strong feeling the keg of blackpowder won't do that much damage.

SAM: It will deafen the creature.

TRAVIS: Nope. Don't even know if it has ears.

SAM: It might bring some rocks down from the ceiling.

TRAVIS: And kill us all.

SAM: No! It'll make a big puff of smoke. No one will be able to see.

TRAVIS: Molly-- Caduceus, fuck, balls! I'm sorry, it happens all the time.

TALIESIN: That hurts.

SAM: Yasha's crying now.


TALIESIN: I apologize for this. I don't think it needs to see. I'm not even sure if it really-- do I know how snakes--

MATT: You get the sense from the fact that most of this temple is not lit at all, has no light source, they probably can see in the dark.

TALIESIN: It probably can see in the dark.

MATT: They have eyes, not necessarily to see.

SAM: Not in smoke!

MARISHA: That's not how darkness works!

SAM: Yeah! We make a bunch of smoke, the thing is like, "I don't know what's going on!"

MATT: Smoke still obscures in darkness.

TALIESIN: I think that we need to stay far away from this thing. I think we need to get its shield away from it.

TRAVIS: If we're keeping our distance-- how many people are seriously considering fluffernutter? Show of hands. Can we put that to bed now?

SAM: I think that's about 15 to 16 votes if my eyes don't deceive me.

TRAVIS: (British accent) Governor?


SAM: I've never been thinking clearer than right now! I see this working big time.

LAURA: I could Invoke Duplicity in there and then Inflict Wounds with my duplicate.

SAM: Or carry the keg in with your duplicate and do both!

LAURA: She can't carry anything.

TRAVIS: Caleb.

LIAM: (growling)

TRAVIS: What is the nastiest thing you have?

LIAM: I did not bring anything nasty like that. I came to be a team player today, like I always am. Captain?

MATT: "Yes?"

LIAM: Do you have any--

MATT: "Is it Philip, yes?"

LIAM: Philip. Do you have any ranged abilities as a sneaky one?

MATT: "I can throw this," and she tosses the dagger and catches it. "But I am more of a up close and personal eviscerator."

LIAM: *Ja*.

LAURA: I'll duplicate in and Inflict Wounds.

TRAVIS: Can she make your duplicate invisible?

LAURA: I can make my duplicate silent.

LIAM: Anything that walks through there has to float above the water, or it's going to disturb it and alert--

LAURA: Yeah, it's a duplicate. It's not going to touch anything, really. It's a hologram, it's an illusion.

TRAVIS: Okay, actually, I like that the best.

MARISHA: I'm into that, and someone should look at the dodecahedron.

LAURA: We already did it today.

MARISHA: Oh, you got it? Okay.

TRAVIS: Okay. We're going to send your duplicate to Inflict Wounds, float it up the water, don't disturb anything.

LAURA: Okay.

SAM: But Plan B!

TRAVIS: Uh-huh. Fluffernutter.

MARISHA: Sure, yeah.

TRAVIS: Nott, if any of us are in the room, *no* Fluffernutter, okay?

SAM: (crossbow locking)


SAM: (tension releasing)

TRAVIS: I feel like I'm talking to Baby Groot in Guardians 2. If we're in the room--

MARISHA: No button? Button!

TRAVIS: Fluffernutter?

SAM: Fluffernutter?

TRAVIS: No. *No* fluffernutter.

LIAM: Are you more coherent than me so that you two can attack as one? Because I have seen you do a lot of damage when the enemy does not know you are coming. Could you go simultaneously?

LAURA: At the same time?

LIAM: Yeah, you watch her, and when her dupe goes, you go, and then--

LAURA: Yeah, so that he doesn't see it coming.

LIAM: Oh, there's so many of you right now.

SAM: I can shoot at something.

TRAVIS: Whatever you're doing, let's do it.

LAURA: Let's do it. Okay.

LIAM: Both of you, same time.

SAM: Can we peek in without it seeing us?

MATT: You can certainly try.

TRAVIS: Jester and Nott, darkvision, silent as shit.

SAM: I'm going to take off my explosive bolt and put on a reg.

MATT: Okay. Given the circumstance, I would put Jester and Nott nearest to the top here.

LIAM: *Ja*.

MATT: Right. Behind Jester and Nott would be whom?

LIAM: Caleb.

MARISHA: I guess me.

MATT: We'll say for the purposes of--

TRAVIS: I'll be close to the front, too. I'll get nasty, I have darkvision. I mean, the second that water gets disturbed, it's going to be boy howdy.

MATT: Who's at the back of that? Sorry.

MARISHA: Me and Fjord.

MATT: All righty. Who's after them?

TRAVIS: Wizard in the back.

MATT: We'll say Avantika will be about there.

TALIESIN: Wizard and cleric in the back.

LIAM: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Yasha can get behind Beau.

MATT: Jamedi's staying back here with the group.

LIAM: (singing) My anaconda don't. My anaconda don't.

MATT: That is the marching order as you guys are in the staircase.

LAURA: Would I know if when I cast my duplicate, does it make a sound?

MATT: It does not make a sound. It is illusory.

LAURA: It's not a loser! It's really cool.

LIAM: Wow.

TRAVIS: Let's not before we fight.

MATT: We're both right.


MATT: What's the plan? Who's going first?

TALIESIN: Simultaneous.

SAM: You're going to float your dupe across the water, and as soon as you say go, your dupe casts?

LAURA: Or go around it, it doesn't have to go across the water.

SAM: Sure, but your dupe floats. We're assuming that the snake creature's asleep?

TRAVIS: Or meditating.

LAURA: Does it look like it's got its eyes closed?

MATT: Make a perception check, Jester.

LAURA: 19.

MATT: From here, best you can tell, its eyes are closed.

LAURA: Okay.

SAM: Just float your dupe in, and when you say go, I'll shoot. I'm more than 30 feet away, so I think I shoot at disadvantage.

LAURA: Okay, I'm going to Invoke Duplicity.

MATT: All right, Invoke Duplicity. 30 feet away? That's where it appears.

LAURA: Okay. She can move up to 120 feet, so she's going to float silently and be on-- yeah, behind it so it doesn't see it.

MATT: Right. Like right there?


MATT: Adjacent, okay.

LAURA: Okay. Then I'm going to cue Nott and at the same time I'm going to Inflict Wounds. 3rd-level. You can shoot them at the same time. One, two, three, go!

MATT: All right, both attack with advantage.

LAURA: At advantage?

MATT: Melee spell attacks. It's an ambush. It doesn't know you're there.

MARISHA: Come on!

SAM: Wait-- oh, she attacks with advantage.

MATT: Correct.

LAURA: Okay, wait, got to look at my spell.

TRAVIS: Come on, 5d10.

MARISHA: Big money, no whammies.


LAURA: Okay, that's good.16 plus seven is--


LAURA: 16 plus seven is 23?

TRAVIS: 23, right.

MATT: That hits. And you?

SAM: I'm think I shoot at disadvantage because I'm longer than 30 feet away.

MATT: You are, yes.

SAM: So that's a ten.

MATT: Ten misses.

SAM: Can I bonus action? No, this is a single sneak attack action.

MATT: Correct.

SAM: Cool. (arrow whizzing)

LIAM: Does the dupe count as an ally, though?

MATT: No, it does not. It has to occupy space for it to be an ally.

SAM: Do I get advantage on the attack if I'm hidden?

MATT: Right! So it should just be a single attack.

TRAVIS: I like that sound!

MARISHA: I like it! I know, yeah, I'm into it!

MATT: The first one you rolled?

SAM: The first one I rolled was a 12 plus eight is 20.

MATT: That would hit, so roll damage.

SAM: Oh, okay.

LAURA: 38.

LIAM: Unload it.

MATT: Because it is an ambush you get advantage on that.

LAURA: 38.

TALIESIN: 38. Is that just straight?

LAURA: Times two. 38 times two.

MATT: Oh, it was a critical hit?

LAURA: Well, isn't it because it's a sneak attack?


MATT: No, no.

LAURA: Oh, I'm thinking-- sorry.

MATT: It's okay. You're thinking of a critical hit.

LAURA: Critical hit. You're right, sorry.

MATT: It's all good. No worries. So the total is?

LAURA: 38 points.

MATT: 38 points of damage. That is not bad at all.

MARISHA: That's. Fucking. Awesome.

MATT: All righty. Then--

SAM: I rolled-- let's see here, sorry. I rolled a 15 and I will use-- because we short rested?

TRAVIS: We did.

SAM: I'll also use Fury of the Small again. So that's 21.

MATT: 21 points of damage in one round. (impacts) The bolt hits. Immediately, the creature (growls). The eyes flash open and looks around, sees the illusion, looks in the direction where the bolt came from and glances up and sees you at the top of the stairway. Everyone roll initiative.


SAM: Fluffernutter would have totally obliterated it. We wouldn't have even had to fight.

TRAVIS: Please. You would have singed its scales.


LAURA: Yeah, right.

MATT: All right, 25 to 20.

MARISHA: Hang on. Okay-- nope.

MATT: Nobody? 20 to 15?


SAM: 18.


TALIESIN: Yasha got to roll, too?

LIAM: 14.

TRAVIS: Beau, Nott, Fjord--

MATT: On what? What did you get? It was Nott--

TRAVIS: Beau, Nott, Fjord.

MATT: Fjord got what?


MATT: All righty.

LIAM: 14.

MATT: Then Caleb got a 14. Now it is--

TRAVIS: Ten to five?

MATT: Ten to five.


MATT: Aww. What did Yasha get?

TRAVIS: Oh, she got an eight also, sorry.


LAURA: I feel like we won a slot machine.

TALIESIN: Although that will be good because if I go right before Yasha. That means that I can--

MATT: That means that if you guys have any creative ways to do combined attacks, the three of you can go at the same time and be fun with it.

TALIESIN: Oh, that power of mine doesn't work as a big, simultaneous smush, it's just one attack, but I have to choose which attack that it--

MATT: Correct. Well, essentially in that order you would be able to be like (spell attack) right before somebody hit if you wanted to. Because you're still on the same initiative order.

TALIESIN: Yeah. I still keep my reaction.

MATT: Yeah. That brings us to the top of the combat round. Beau, you're up first.

MARISHA: (distressed humming) Fuck. Can I make it to the thing? Can I make it to him?

SAM: You're going to run all the way to the snake?

MARISHA: I'm a *monk*. I've got fists!

SAM: (dramatic yelling) I'm a monk!

MARISHA: That's all I've got. How far can I make it?

MATT: Well, you have 45 feet as your distance, right?

MARISHA: Uh-huh.

MATT: (counting) That's one move. That'll get you about there.

MARISHA: Can I come here? Kind of behind?

MATT: Yeah, you can do that.

MARISHA: And-- oops!


MARISHA: And throw a couple of shurikens?

MATT: Try it out. It is 30 feet from you.

MARISHA: That's exactly my range.

MATT: Yeah, go for it.

MARISHA: This is just plus my dex, right? Do I get my attack bonus?

MATT: Yeah. It's a ranged--

MARISHA: Okay, okay, okay. 18 for the first one.

MATT: 18 hits.

MARISHA: Ooh, that's better. That's a natural 13.

MATT: All right. Roll damage for each.

MARISHA: Okay. They're d4's, right?

MATT: D4's, yep.

MARISHA: Two d4's? The long debate of what's a monk weapon-- so five plus (counting)--

MATT: Well, hold on. If it's a monk weapon because it's the shuriken you got--

MARISHA: It's the darts.

MATT: Oh, but the darts. They're not monk weapons, yeah.

MARISHA: We've gone back and forth about this.

MATT: Yeah. The daggers or something akin to that would be a monk weapon.

MARISHA: The debate rages on. Sorry. Five plus four which is nine plus another four which is 13?

MATT: 13 damage total?

MARISHA: Right? Yeah, 13 damage total. Then I'm going to--

LAURA: Stop. (giggles).

MARISHA: Do I want to do Patient Defense?

MATT: You can move five more feet there to get behind that pole if you want.

MARISHA: I'll do that.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: And hold-- I still have a bonus action though, right?

MATT: Patient Defense would be your bonus action.

MARISHA: Nah, you know, I'm not going to do that.

MATT: You're not going to do that? Then you still have a bonus action.

MARISHA: I'll throw one more.

MATT: Sure.

MARISHA: Right? I can do that?

MATT: I think it's an unarmed attack, actually. For your bonus action.

MARISHA: Then I'll--

MATT: I'll double check.

MARISHA: No, that's probably right.

MATT: The Player's Handbook has vanished from me.

MARISHA: What? It should be right there.

SAM: Under the paper.

MARISHA: No, that's the Monster Manual, DM's guide.

LIAM: In your hand.

MATT: It's all good. While I'm looking this up, anything else--

MARISHA: It's fine.

MATT: An unarmed strike is a bonus action, so you cannot throw a third shuriken.

MARISHA: I'll just hold for now. I'll just hold.

MATT: Hold. All right. That's Beau's turn. Next up is Nott. Nott, you are up next.

SAM: Ah! I'll go in to the left.

MATT: Fjord, you're on deck.

SAM: Into the left as far as I can.

MATT: This way?

SAM: Yep.

MATT: All right. Five, ten, (counting).

SAM: I think I was just at 30. On the way, I'll fire another crossbow bolt.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: Ooh. Not good. 16.

MATT: 16 hits.

SAM and LAURA: Ey!

SAM: Is it engaged with Jester's dupe?

MATT: It does not count as an adjacent ally, unfortunately.

SAM: Boo. I rolled a six, though, so that's 11 points of damage.

MATT: 11 points of damage. Nice! As the three shurikens stick into its form (growling and hissing).

SAM: Ah! Jesus.

MATT: It sees you rush past and (growling).

SAM: As it strikes and maybe looks down to see where I got it, I'll bonus action hide behind the pillar. Okay. Ooh! 29 to hide.

MATT: Okay. It looks (growling), it looks up (snorting) and can't quite track you. It does see Jester up in the stairway, though.

LAURA: Oh no!

MATT: It's now its turn as the abomination takes its round. It is going to pull its scimitar out and rake it across the stone, carving sparks and grinding off some of them causing this echo throughout the chamber before resheathing it and pulling its longbow out and getting it out to fire a volley of two arrows at Jester.

LAURA: At me? But I could've hidden or something.

MATT: With the longbow, you are in its first range. First attack is 18 to hit.

LAURA: That's my armor class.

MATT: Oh yeah, that does hit. You take 18 points of piercing damage as well as--

SAM: 18 points?! From a bow shot?

MATT: As well as 15 points of poison damage.

SAM: Ooh. Wait, are you resistant to poison?

MATT: As the arrow (groaning), it's longer than an average arrow. This longbow is a longbow for one of these large abominations and it just sinks into you. It pulls back for another arrow.

SAM: Oh no. A second shot?

MATT: That is a 15.

LAURA: Oh, good. It misses me.

SAM: Oh my god.

MATT: This one you deflect it and the arrow splinters off and hits the wall. With that, it's going to move behind here and is now back to the wall and it's getting another arrow ready. That brings the end of his turn. Fjord, you're up.

TRAVIS: Yeah. I will use my 30 feet of speed to run in the direction of Nott.

SAM: Don't draw attention. Go away!

TRAVIS: I will cast Hunger of Hadar.

SAM: (in deep voice) Hunger of Hadar.

TRAVIS: 20-foot sphere, 20-foot diameter with the closest lip of it on the side of the well that's closest to us. Here, back.

MATT: Here, back?


MATT: We'll say there, there, there.

LAURA: Does that reach the creature?

TRAVIS: I hope so if it won’t, I’ll move it.

MATT: Well, you're glancing your eye, it's where you looking at. Going to land wherever it lands, wherever you want to place it.

TRAVIS: Thought there was a big circle.

MATT: 20-foot radius? Yeah, that'll definitely be good.

TRAVIS: Yeah, that’s good. Yeah, cover the well, cover him. Get everybody in, hopefully.

MARISHA: Hell yeah.

MATT: Back there. Yeah, that's about right. The whole area fills with darkness, and these strange, somewhat translucent, slimy tendrils occasionally whip out the sides of this orb where light cannot pierce. That's your action and your movement, is that the end of your turn?


MATT: All right. That brings us to Caleb. You're up.

LIAM: I’m going to push forward through the passage and peek over Jester's shoulders. I can see this guy partially hidden behind-- it's too early. I give a tug to the glove of blasting and I am sending out three Scorching Rays.

LAURA: We won't see anything into it, though, because it's just black.

LIAM: Is it pitch black still? There's no--?

TRAVIS: Yeah, it's black.

MATT: You come around the chamber and you look and all you see is a giant sphere of blackness. You have no idea where the creature is.

LIAM: It's pitch black? I have darkvision because of the transmutation stone.

MATT: Let's double check.

TRAVIS: “You open a gateway to the dark. 20-foot radius sphere of blackness and bitter cold.”

LIAM: Oh, it's totally dark because of what you just did.

MATT: “No light, magical or otherwise, can illuminate the area, and creatures fully within the area are blinded.”

LIAM: I don't see it at all.

TRAVIS: You could hold it in case something comes out of the sphere or the well.

LIAM: Shit, I don't like this. Balls. I'm going to cast-- no, I don't know where it is at all.

MATT: Yeah, you haven't seen it yet.

LIAM: Yeah, so I can't even aim at disadvantage. Okay. What I am going to do is peek around the corner, and cast Haste on Beauregard.

SAM: Nice. Useful. Beauregard.


LIAM: You’re hasted.

SAM: You are super fast!

MARISHA: Oh shit, fast. Super fast. Okay.

SAM: Super fly.

MATT: You are concentrating on that. All righty. That ends Caleb's turn.

LIAM: I will step out back into the passage so I'm not in view.

MATT: All right. That brings us to Yasha, Caduceus, and Jester.


TALIESIN: Wow. I'm going to give you a quick pop since you could use a little bit of--

LAURA: Oh! Thank you, Caduceus.

TALIESIN: You're welcome, I can't keep doing that. Just a quick Cure Wounds really quickly.

MATT: All right. d8 plus five, I believe.

TALIESIN: Where are my d8s? That's not a d8. Ah, a d8. That's nine points of damage.

LAURA: Nine!

TALIESIN: Yeah, my bonus actions, not a lot I can do with my bonus actions at the moment.

TRAVIS: Yasha's going to use her bonus action to rage.

MATT: Of course.

TRAVIS: Double dash into this corner past Beau.

MATT: Remember, if she doesn't attack or be attacked, she loses her rage next round.

TRAVIS: I'll hold it, thank you for the reminder. You're right.

MATT: She's going double rush in?


MATT: (counting) 30, 35, 40.

TRAVIS: Then double dash.

MATT: Dash and she can get over on this side, you mean?

TRAVIS: Mm-hmm.

TALIESIN: For my bonus action, I'm going to cast a Light spell on the other side of the wall really quickly so that we have some light in this.

MATT: Over here?

TALIESIN: Yeah. Just on one of the columns.

MATT: All right. Now the chamber, primarily, is now visible to everybody without issue, yourself included.

TALIESIN: Then I'm going to take some cover.

MATT: Is it an action to cast Light as a cantrip?

TALIESIN: Oh, it's an action, never mind, can't do it!

MATT: Well, you had cast Light previously on the edge of your staff. You're still giving off your own light source.

TALIESIN: Okay, well I'm going to hide.

MATT: Are you going to stay put, then?

TALIESIN: I'm going to pull in the back and hide.

MATT: In the back of the hallway there?

TALIESIN: Yeah, just around the corner so I can't get hit by a bow. I'm going to advise you do the same eventually.

LAURA: Yes. I was watching when he walked around the pillar, so I saw where he went.

MATT: Mm-hmm.

LAURA: I'm going to send my duplicate backwards a few steps and hold out her hand and hope that she touches him.

MATT: Okay. Back a few steps. Make an attack with disadvantage, if you're going to be doing something else.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Are you doing another Inflict Wounds?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: At 3rd-level.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Ah, fuck me. It doesn't hit. Nine.

MATT: You go to release. Spell is expended, but no impact on the creature, unfortunately. 3rd-level spell used.

LAURA: Man, sucks. Okay. That's fine.

LIAM: Your dice look really good tonight.

LAURA: They're really pretty, right?

LIAM: Yeah, totally.

LAURA: Oh, and I'm going to move around the corner so that he can't fucking shoot arrows at me.

MATT: Back up here? All righty.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Crowded hallway. All right.

SAM: It’s a bunch of people waiting in line for the bathroom.

LAURA: Shit.

SAM: I really have to go. Can I go before you? Thanks.

LIAM: Just waiting for the other shoe to drop, here.

TALIESIN: We've already done some damage. He’s about to take more damage.

MATT: Start of the turn, got it.

TRAVIS: 2d6?

MATT: All right. At the top of his turn. However, you guys both finish. Yasha did her turn. You're all done there, looks good. Now comes to Avantika and Jamedi. Avantika's going to charge down.

SAM: (French accent) Into the fray! Do those tentacles attack good guys, too?

MATT: Goes in there with blades out ready to go. Jamedi is going to come forward and take the torch and throw it further inside. It clatters this way, helps illuminate that side of the chamber, and then backs up.

LIAM: Not knowing how Hadar's works, it doesn't pierce that area, though, right?

MATT: Correct. It lights everything around it.

TALIESIN: There's a bubble.

MATT: Top of the round. The surface of the well begins to bubble and move. The water begins to rise up like the surface bubbles up and begins to pour on the side. As you watch this large, snake-like serpent head arrives. And another. And another. And another. You see emerging from the center of this chamber--

MARISHA: A hydra!

TRAVIS: My god, what the fuck is that?!

LIAM: A hydra!

MATT: -- the true guardian: the Warden. Spoken of in the text above.

MARISHA: Who's the False Serpent? If the Warden guards the False Serpent?

LAURA: We haven't gotten to the False Serpent yet, this is the Warden!


TALIESIN: Oh my god.

SAM: That's the biggest thing I've ever seen!

MATT: It definitely enters the Hunger of Hadar.

TRAVIS: 2d6.

MATT: A dexterity saving throw on its point there. That is a ten.

LAURA: We couldn't even kill the stupid little snake guy, how are we going to kill a hydra?!

TRAVIS: Ten points of cold damage.

MATT: Ten points of cold damage to the hydra.

LAURA: So stupid.


MATT: All right. Gotcha.

SAM: Yeah, you did get us.

TRAVIS: Speed is halved.

LIAM: Because of the Hadar's?

TRAVIS: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Right now, Avantika's the one closest to it.

SAM: Oh no.

MATT: Moves forward.

SAM: Oh. No. Stop. Don't.

MATT: Has a reach of ten. Doesn't have to fully get into melee with her. It's going to take multiple attacks at her.

LAURA: We didn't even see the heads come out, we just see the heads pop out of this bubble of blackness.

MATT: You see this body emerge from it. That is, a natural one. Good for her. That misses. 16. That hits. That hits, and that hits. With that, Avantika takes 15 points of piercing damage. Ten points of piercing damage, and 11 points of piercing damage.


MATT: Avantika, she’s like, "Holy fucking shit! I could use some assistance!"

TRAVIS: *Merde!*

MATT: She is just trying to fight these things off. All right, now it’s Beau's turn.

TRAVIS: Does it end its turn in the sphere as well?

MATT: It does.

TRAVIS: 2d6.

SAM: Ooh! So many d's.

TRAVIS: Nine points of acid damage, if that makes any difference.

SAM: Hydra is down to 500 hit points!

MATT: Got it. It's burning and holding it in place, slowing it down, but it seems to neglect it for the most part.

TRAVIS: Doesn't seem so great now.

MATT: All right. That brings us to--


MATT: -- Beau's turn.

MARISHA: (yelling) I'm going to attack it!

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: With my fists!

MATT: As Beau swings around, hasted--

LAURA: Can you flank it?

MARISHA: Holy shit!

MATT: Not at its current position.

MARISHA: Actually, can I go around? Can I flank with Avantika? Or no? No, you got to be in the water.

MATT: You can get into the pool, if you want to.

MARISHA: Why are you putting a thing on me?

LIAM and MATT: You're Hasted.

MARISHA: Oh, it's a good thing!

MATT: Where do you want to be? Here? Here?

MARISHA: Yeah, that's good.

LIAM: Speed is doubled.

MATT: All righty. Go for it.

MARISHA: I'm going to come in and I'm going to do a big spinning barrel flip with two flying kicks! Crack, crack! Right onto its spinal cord. Sorry, Gil, you've been destroying me here lately. First two hits! Oh! Did you see that?! That was such shit! 14 for one.

MATT: 14 just misses. Your staff just scrapes off of its hard armor.

MARISHA: No, they both miss.

LIAM: What about your extra attack?

MARISHA: I'm going to do that. I'm going to do more attack because of Haste!

SAM: Get out of there!

MARISHA: (groans)

SAM: Get out of there!

LIAM: Disengage and bolt.

LAURA: Travis, your face was just like-- That's the most amazing face you just made.

MATT: You still have a bonus action.

MARISHA: I'm not going to get out of there!

SAM: Get out of there!

MARISHA: I'm going to stay there!

SAM: No! Get out of there!

TRAVIS: Remember: Ten! 15! 11! Lots of points of damage.

MARISHA: You're right, I'm going to back up and be like, this sucks!

MATT: What are you going to do? Don't listen to them, do what you were going to do.

MARISHA: Can I disengage as a bonus with Haste?

MATT: No. Disengage is an action, unless you're a rogue and had that ability.

MARISHA: If I leave, I'm going to get hit.

MATT: Probably.

MARISHA: I'm going to take a bonus action to Patient Defense.

MATT: Okay. That's good.

MARISHA: I'm going to try and tank this.

TRAVIS: Was it three attacks from the hydra on Avantika or four?

MARISHA: I could have left.

LAURA: It landed three. It got five attacks.

MATT: One per head.

LAURA: Yeah.


MARISHA: Kill it!

MATT: That finishes Beau's turn. Nott, you're up.

MARISHA: Jesus! Oh no!

LIAM: Is each head a creature, or is each head a--? Never mind.

MATT: It's a singular creature.

MARISHA: Step of the Wind. I could have disengaged as a bonus action, but I want to stay.

SAM: Sure you can.

MATT: Step of the Wind allows you to do that?

MARISHA: It does, yeah, it does. But I'm going to stay. I don't want to do that, I want to stay and tank.

MATT: Nott, what are you doing?

SAM: I guess I don't see eyes on the other thing, so I will step out and fire at one of those heads.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: Terrible. I don't have any sort of advantage, right? 11 points.

MATT: 11 to attack? Misses.

TALIESIN: Isn't it technically a sneak attack at this point?

MATT: Yeah, she doesn't know you're there, so it would be advantage since you were hidden previously.

SAM: I was hidden. 20 to hit!

MATT: That does hit.

SAM: Okay!

MATT: You do get sneak attack damage.

SAM: (counting) 16.

MATT: 16 points of damage to it. Strikes into it, one of the heads looks back into your direction, glancing around.

SAM: I will shout out, Fluffernutter! I'm going to go back behind the pillar and hide.

MATT: Back which way, to here?

SAM: Yeah, and I'm hiding. 20.

MATT: Got it. That finishes your turn, Nott. It's now the abomination's turn.

TRAVIS: 2d6 cold damage.

MATT: Yes, it does.

TRAVIS: 11 points of cold damage.

MATT: 11 points, nice. Slithers out of the radius.

SAM: Oh no.

MATT: Sees Yasha and sees Avantika. Avantika's handled now by the hydra. He's going to now look towards Yasha and take two arrow strikes at her.

TRAVIS: At Yasha?

MATT: Yep.

MARISHA: Wait, the hydra? Or the thing?

MATT: No, the abomination right there.

LAURA: Is Yasha raging?

MATT: No, she's not raging. That is an 18 to hit.

TRAVIS: That is her armor class.

TALIESIN: I thought you did rage as a bonus action. Damn it.

MATT: And a 19 to hit. She takes six points of piercing damage and eight points of piercing damage.


MATT: Second attack is 13 points of piercing damage.


MATT: 13 points of piercing damage, and ten points of poison damage. She got lucky on those rolls there. It's going to stay back here in the corner, trying to keep away. It's just using its arrows from a distance. It's starting to show some wear and tear. This guy over here has been pummelled with a few things and the tentacles have been tearing through him, but he's staying outside of the radius of that sphere. That finishes his go. Fjord, you're up.

TRAVIS: Yeah. Yep. Good shit, good stuff. I'm going to (tongue clicking) move a little closer to the column and I'll send two arcs of Eldritch Blasts towards the--

MATT: You’re moving, you said?

TRAVIS: Yeah, just closer to Nott.

MATT: Okay, here. As you're moving in that direction (whooshing)-- this against the hydra?

TRAVIS: Yes. 17?

MATT: That hits.

TRAVIS: Okay, so second one. Natural 20.

MATT: Ooh.

TRAVIS: Okay, okay, okay. The first one is 12, second one is nine, 18, 22 points of damage.

MATT: 22 points of damage. As both bolts slam into the head, you watch as the head pops.


MATT: Actually blasts them off the hydra.

LAURA: No way, you can actually pop off a head!

ALL: Oh!

TALIESIN: That's so cool.

LAURA: I like it!

TRAVIS: Like an idiot, I'll cast, with my bonus action, Hexblade's Curse on the hydra, which would have really made that critical way more awesome, but I'm flustered.

MATT: But now you know.


MATT: Hexblade's Curse, right there. That brings us to Caleb.

LIAM: Ah, *Gott.* I'm going to lean around the corner and do what I thought I would do before, which is to tug on the Glove of Blasting and fire the three scorching rays. Natural 20 for the first.


LIAM: 18 for the second.

MATT: That hits.

LIAM: Very high for the third.

MATT: All right, roll the first 2d6. Double this.

LIAM: 16. 26. 35 total.

MATT: 35 points of damage. You watch as another head gets burnt to cinders. From the nearby impact, it actually cauterizes where the first head was destroyed and where the second one was destroyed.

LAURA: It needs burning damage or else it's (popping)..

LIAM: I will jump back into the hallway because I'm a coward.

MATT: All right.

SAM: Caleb, I think it's an hallucination. Fluffernutter.

MATT: That finishes Caleb's turn. It is now Yasha, Caduceus and Jester's.

TALIESIN: I'm going to run out into the room. I want to run out. Can I see both of these creatures?

MATT: From this position, you cannot.

TALIESIN: How far would I have to go to see both of them?

MATT: Hmm, you'd have to get this way and you don't have enough-- you could try and leap off here. You'd have to make an acrobatics check to see if you land properly.

TALIESIN: Shit. I'll just see one of them, then.

MATT: All right, you step out and see the hydra. This sphere is preventing you from seeing the abomination.

TALIESIN: I'm going to cast Bane.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: That's a 16 charisma.

MATT: Charisma save? No, that is an eight.

TALIESIN: All right, you know what Bane does?

MATT: I'm looking it up again.

TALIESIN: I can tell you. You have to roll a d4 for every attack or saving throw. You roll a d4 and you subtract that from what you get.

MATT: Right. You're concentrating on that.

TALIESIN: I don't even think it is concentration.

MATT: It is, concentration for up to one minute.


MATT: Yep. That is Bane.

TALIESIN: There's no 'C' on this thing. Oh, there it is. Never mind, I'm an idiot.

MATT: Is that where you're staying?

TALIESIN: No, I'm going to hide back in.

MATT: All right, pop back out. Healer tactics.


MATT: That finishes Caduceus' turn. Jester and Yasha?

LAURA: Okay. I'm going to move my duplicate outside of the tentacles, close to the shitty guy that I was fighting before.

MATT: Let me just double check something as far as your duplicate is concerned.

LAURA: Oh, I have to keep a visual.

MATT: It might be the case, it might not be. I'll double check here.

LAURA: It is the case. I didn't think about the fact when it was in there that I don't have visual on it. I would have lost it before I ever cast that other spell.

SAM: You got hit with 30 points of damage, too, so that's concentration.

LAURA: Oh jesus. I don't know if works like that.

MATT: No, it just says, you create it for a minute, it says it's concentration, an unoccupied space, you can move the illusion for 30 feet in space you can see, but it must remain within 120 feet of you.

LAURA: Okay, then--

MATT: But you cannot see any of these spaces where it is.

LAURA: Oh, can I move around the corner? Then see it?

MATT: You can. Right now it's consumed in darkness. You cannot see anything past this. The Hunger of Hadar is blocking all your vision. You do not know where your illusion is, you just see this large sphere of darkness.

LAURA: I can't move it at all?

MATT: Correct.

LAURA: Great, cool. That was an awesome--

TALIESIN: I was going to say, would you have spent that spell? Would she have been able to spend that spell? If she couldn't--

MATT: Technically no, but nevertheless.

TALIESIN: Nevertheless she did.

LAURA: Yeah, it happens. I can't move my duplicate out of the darkness.

MATT: To as space you can see, you can, but it would be over on this side.

LAURA: Can I move it over to Beau? Can I see that area, over next to Beau?

MATT: Over next to Beau on this side?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: You could try to.

LAURA: Or just like in front of the well?

MATT: You can get it right there on the cusp, floating above the top there. It's just peering out, and it's visible to you now.

LAURA: Okay, well at least it's out. I guess right now I'll just do, jesus christ, Guiding Bolt at 1st-level on the hydra.

MATT: Go for it! Roll for an attack.

LAURA: 16?

MATT: 16 hits. Roll damage.

LAURA: 12 points of radiant and then next attack gets advantage on it.

MATT: You are correct. That finishes your turn. Yasha?

LAURA: Then I move out-- I move back.

MATT: You move back, all right.


TRAVIS: Yasha got fucked up and does not care about Captain Avantika and will move 40 feet towards Nott and Fjord that direction.

MATT: This way? (counting)

TRAVIS: Great, and will hold a melee attack in case something comes within her range.

MATT: Okay, that finishes Yasha's go. Top of the round. Now the hydra goes.

TRAVIS: 2d6 cold.

MATT: The hydra spins around to face Beau who has now moved up.

TRAVIS: Nine points of cold damage.

MATT: Now only three functional heads, it's going to take three swipes at Beau.

MARISHA: At disadvantage.

TALIESIN: They need the d4 and at disadvantage. I've never used Bane. I should really start using Bane.

MATT: (laughter) Double natural ones! That's impressive. Minus three!

TRAVIS: Needed that.

MATT: That's a 12?



TRAVIS: Yeah, more of that.


MATT: That's 21.

MARISHA: With Bane?

MATT: With Bane.

MARISHA: (coughing) Hits.

MATT: You take 15 points of piercing damage as it suddenly-- two heads you manage to dodge by, there's one that was moving too quick that you didn't see coming and--

LIAM: Your AC is two higher.

MARISHA: Ooh! You're right, my AC is two higher, what did you say? Oh, 21?

MATT: 21.

MARISHA: 21 is the AC.

MATT: Then it still hits you. Bites you in the side, lifts you off the ground from the impact and you feel the teeth crunch into your abdomen. You manage to elbow your way out and land, and you can see the fresh teeth marks starting to bleed down the side.

TALIESIN: You doing okay?

MARISHA and TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MATT: It's going to move out and into range with both of them, right there.

MARISHA: Shoot, the Captain.

LIAM: She didn't want an attack of opportunity?

MATT: She's not within range.

LIAM: She's not? Oh.

MATT: No, they have a reach of ten.

LIAM: I thought she was right up. Okay.

MATT: All right, so that's going to bring us to Beau. You're up.

MARISHA: Okay, I want to parkour off of this pillar that I'm next to, and come down with a giant Superman pop! Just go for him. Two attacks. First attack, I’ll take that 13 and 14, plus seven so 19-- or, 20 and 21, you're right. With my first one I want to do a stunning strike to it. No-- yeah. First attack, stunning strike.

TALIESIN: There's a d4 negative also.

MATT: That's true, yeah.

MARISHA: Oh my god, please.

MATT: That lowers it to 16.

MARISHA: Nope! No, he saves.

MATT: Plus five on his con.

MARISHA: Plus five on his con? That's great to know.

SAM: Didn't you do something that makes it more vulnerable to its next hit?

LAURA: Oh yeah! Advantage, she gets advantage on the next hit.

MATT: Roll one more dice, just in case it's a crit.

MARISHA: Okay, okay, okay. It's not a crit.

MATT: There you go.

MARISHA: That's definitely worse. With those two hits, I want to do extract aspects. I already know its con is plus five.

MATT: Gave you that to you as a freebie.

MARISHA: Yeah, you did, thank you for the DM slip. What's its wisdom saving throw?

MATT: Plus zero.

MARISHA: Wisdom save is plus zero. He's not smart! Or wise, whatever. And if he has any-- do we want vulnerabilities or resistances?!

LAURA and SAM: Just do--

MARISHA: Vulnerabilities! What's his vulnerabilities?

MATT: No vulnerability for the hydra.

MARISHA: Not vulnerable to shit! Then, I have one more attack because of haste. Attacking again. That's a natural 16, pretty sure that hits.

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: I'm going to use my staff. That's terrible. Six.

MATT: Six points of damage there.

MARISHA: I'm going to spend another ki point and do flurry of blows and do two more hits.

MATT: Go for it.

MARISHA: One's an eight, so 15 for one.

MATT: 15 hits.

MARISHA: Then the other is an 11.

MATT: That misses. You have one more hit.

MARISHA: Terrible again. Six points of damage.

MATT: Rolling series of strikes, you pull some information from it. Manages to pummel the sides of this base where its torso is. Well done. Does that end your turn?

MARISHA: I communicate: His wisdom save sucks, it's a plus zero. His constitution is a plus five. No vulnerabilities. No, I'm not moving.

MATT: Okay, you stay where you are. That brings us to Nott.

SAM: Nott the Brave yells to her teammates: The colors are so vivid! Then also: Everyone back up, we're going to Fluffernutter this bitch! I will (cocking crossbow) and hold my action.

MATT: With your explosive bolt?

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Ah! Waiting for a keg to be thrown.

MATT: All righty. You're holding your action

TRAVIS: That's a wasted action.

SAM: (cocking crossbow) Fluffernutter!

MATT: It is now the abomination's turn. The abomination-- or Avantika's turn.

TALIESIN: Also, the little--

MATT: I feel like I forgot Avantika's turn.

TALIESIN: Avantika and--

MATT: And Jamedi. Avantika would have darted around and gotten into melee with the hydra.

SAM: I don’t care about Avantika.

TRAVIS: You’ve got the keg, right? Thank god, there’s another checks and balances to that crazy.

MATT: Ooh, nice. Natural 20 on one of those hits. That's a-- (counting) 22 points of damage to it.

TRAVIS: 22 points of damage to it?!

MATT: Correct, from Avantika.

TRAVIS: Oh fuck! From the two strikes to it? Her rapier, or--?

MATT: Yeah, those were two rapier strikes. Finishes her go. Jamedi is just shaking and not even getting involved in the combat. Too scared to go in. That brings us to the abomination’s turn, who’s going to turn around the corner, rise up on the platform here--

MARISHA: Hang on, wait. What's it doing?

LIAM: Fastball special.

MARISHA: I was about to pee, but not-- did it move?

MATT: That's a good thing, yeah, because it turned around and it's going to take two shots at you with its longbow.

MARISHA: Cool, cool, cool.

SAM: You're Patient Defense-ing, right? You're fine.

MARISHA: Nope, not this round.

MATT: That is 15.

MARISHA: Miss. He's shooting at me?

MATT: And 23.

MARISHA: 23? I'm going to use deflect missiles and take that-- minus d10 to--

MATT: 16 points of piercing damage?

MARISHA: All of it's negated by deflect missiles.

MATT: Including 12 points of poison damage.

TALIESIN: Which you are--

MARISHA: I'm resistant to.

MATT: Correct. So you take six.

MARISHA: Okay. I will go ahead-- My deflect-- I guess not, it's poison, it's not going to-- I'll still take that--

MATT: Well, here-- you resisted all of the damage from the arrow entirely. That's pretty slick. Yeah, it doesn't even catch you. No poison. You manage to stop it in place. The poison doesn't even hit your system.

MARISHA: I'm going to-- I'm going to not spend the ki point.

MATT: Watching you reach behind and catch the arrow and stop it from going there, and the second one just manages to dodge past you. (growling) It’s going to go ahead and--

MARISHA: I look at him and I take the arrow and go--

MATT: That's when you take the 2d6.

MARISHA: No! Resistance! (spitting)

MATT: Spitting it out on the side, your lips and tongue go a little numb. All right, that ends its go. Fjord, you're up and then Caleb you're on deck.

TRAVIS: I'll use the 30 feet of Fjord's movement to go around the pillar, preserve this line of sight with the hydra. I'll unleash two Eldritch Blasts at it. That's an 18 to hit.

MATT: 18 hits.

TRAVIS: One. That’s terrible. That's 13 points of Eldritch Blast energy. Oh, I’m sorry, wait. Just checking. Plus three, so 16 points, with the additional three. That will be--

MATT: You’re concentrating on that. I forgot about that.

TRAVIS: Fuck. I should have said it first. That's it, that's my turn.

MATT: Did you add your extra damage for your Hexblade's Curse?

TRAVIS: Yeah. That was the plus three to damage. I forgot to do something else. I’ll do it next time.

MATT: That finishes your turn, Fjord. Caleb, you're up.

LIAM: I'm going to do a little bit of a gamble here. I peek out again and I drop Haste on Beauregard and smear molasses across my hand and cast Slow on the hydra and his little snakey friend.

MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: What’d you cast?

LIAM: Slow. They have to beat a 16. They've got Bane, or the hydra's got Bane.

MATT: Well, this would be concentration, regardless.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: The abomination, that is a natural 12 plus two, that's a 14. What's your DC?

LIAM: 16. The Bane’s on hydra.

MATT: For the hydra--

LIAM: Come on motherfucker.

MATT: It's a natural 18--

LIAM: (whispering) Fuck me.

MATT: Minus three for the Bane. That's 15.

TALIESIN: Fuck you, hydra!

LIAM: Part of the Slow spell is that, regardless of the creature's abilities or magic items it can't make more than one melee or ranged attack during its turn. It's lost all its head attacks. It gets one attack.

TALIESIN: Oh! That a fucker's, oh! Okay. Things can still go wrong.

LIAM: Cad!

SAM: What else does Slow do?

LIAM: I've dropped Haste on you.


LIAM: I've Slowed the hydra.

TALIESIN: And the other one.

LAURA: One attack.

MARISHA: With a wisdom save?

LIAM: It worked, yeah. With Caduceus' Bane we got it. It almost didn't make it, but with Bane it made it.

MARISHA: Okay, okay, okay.

TALIESIN: That went well.

LIAM: (as Bane) Oh, hydra!

MATT: This ends Caleb's go. That brings us to--

LIAM: Caleb’s hiding.

MATT: Caleb moves off to the side. Yasha, Caduceus, and Jester?

TALIESIN: Jester, you first.

SAM: It can’t use reactions!

TALIESIN: No reactions, none of them.

LAURA: Should I do it?

TALIESIN: I mean, no, because, I mean-- (groans)

LAURA: Should I do it?

SAM: Aim high!

LAURA: Nott told me to do this.

SAM: (cocking crossbow)

LAURA: Fluffernutter!

SAM: (yelling)

LAURA: I throw it. But I throw it high.

MATT: Jester steps out to the side. Throw it high.

LAURA: Towards the heads.

MATT: Make a strength check.

LIAM: (quietly) Don't roll a one.

LAURA: Shut up! Don't curse it! 11.

MATT: Nott, roll an attack roll.

SAM: Do I get any advantages?

MATT: No, you do not.

SAM: 12.

LAURA: We're almost in sync here.

MATT: The barrel (whooshing). The bolt (arrow firing) and detonates somewhere on the other side of the chamber as the barrel (landing) into the water of the well in the center there. You hear a splash of water.

TALIESIN: It's good that we burned those two actions for that; I feel like that was a good use.

MATT: That would've been spectacular if it had worked.

TALIESIN: That would've been--

LAURA: That didn't go as well as I had hoped.

TALIESIN: That was about as disappointing--

SAM and LAURA: (shouting) Fluffernutter!

TALIESIN: If you've ever had fluffernutter, that's about the flavor of it.

MATT: There you go.

LAURA: For my bonus action, I'm going to move my duplicate out and stand next to Avantika.

MATT: All righty.

LAURA: She can't really do anything because I used my action. She's just going to stare at Avantika.

MATT: Okay, got it. That finishes that turn. Caduceus?

LAURA: I'm going to hide around the corner and for my move, the rest of my movement.

TALIESIN: Yasha, are we--? I'm going to yell down to Yasha: I know what he's vulnerable to. I'm going peek out and cast my Path to the Grave before Yasha's turn on the hydra.

LAURA: Whoa.

TALIESIN: It's now vulnerable to *everything*. The next hit is double damage. It's what we did last time. Next hit is double damage, I'm back to hiding.

MATT: To Yasha.

TRAVIS: Now she would like to *ragé*.

MATT: There you go.

TALIESIN: Just plow.

MATT: She is flanking with Avantika, yes.

TALIESIN: So auto-advantage.

TRAVIS: I don't have to do reckless?

MATT: Correct, you don't have to. You can if you want to.

TRAVIS: Divine thing on the first one. That's only a 14 on the first one?

MATT: 14 misses. Goes wide, second strike.

TRAVIS: Fuck. 16.

MATT: 16 does hit. 15 was the threshold.

TALIESIN: It's okay, it's still holding.

MATT: Yeah, and she still does her divine damage.

TRAVIS: It's the first one that hits, right.

TALIESIN: You still have it, though.

TRAVIS: (counting) 16 points.

MATT: Doubled, so it's 32 points of damage. Another head is carved off of its body.

LAURA: Now we have to burn the head with the-- aww, it would've been so great if we would've succeeded.

SAM: Would've been fucking amazing.

MARISHA: Cauterized all of the head wounds.

MATT: That ends Yasha's go?


MATT: It's now Avantika's turn, Avantika is going to take three strikes at it. The rapier-- both hit, 18 and 11 naturally. The dagger misses with a four. Oh shit. (counting) 25 points of damage.

TALIESIN: She can also back off without repercussions.

SAM: Liam, we ended the last round, did Fluffernutter, we won.

MATT: 25 points of damage from Avantika carves off another head. There is now one head on the hydra.

LAURA: We have to burn the heads.

MATT: Next up is Jamedi, who's staying out of the fray. Next is the hydra's turn. The hydra, who only has one head, but is slowed and can only make one attack anyway, is going to swing back to you since you're the one who looks the most damaged too and it wants to start taking something down.

MARISHA: To him?

MATT: No, against you.


TRAVIS: Does Sentinel engage there?

MARISHA: From Yasha, yeah, if it's attacking something else other than her.

MATT: Ooh, that's a natural 20 against you.

TALIESIN: Is that a natural 20 against you? (counting) Oh. Can I see from my vantage or can I not?

MATT: No, you specifically got out of sight.

TRAVIS: Does Sentinel come after the attack or before the attack?

MARISHA: It's a reaction.

MATT: It happens as it happens, so roll for Yasha.

TRAVIS: She's going to do it reckless.

MATT: She can't reckless out of turn.

TRAVIS: Oh, I got you. Shit, I don't remember what it was when I picked it up.

MATT: It's all good.

TRAVIS: Be level! It's a 15.

MATT: 15 just hits. Roll damage for Yasha. That's cocked. That is 18 points of piercing damage to you, Beau.


MATT: Mm-hmm.

TRAVIS: 17 points of--

MATT: Nice. It's starting to look hurt.

TALIESIN: How are you feeling?

MARISHA: I'll let you know. Not great. Double digits, but barely, once again.

TALIESIN: All right, that'll do. The problem is the fucker behind you.

MATT: Hold on a second. At the end of its turn-- ah! End of its turn, it grows two heads for each of its heads that died since its last turn unless it’s taken fire damage. Since it was slowed and did not take fire damage, it regrows four new heads.

SAM: Four new heads?

LIAM: Can it do that because it can only do one action?

MATT: It's a natural ability. It's not an action. It just happens at the end of its roll.

SAM: Wait, even the ones that were cauterized?

MATT: No, the cauterized ones are still gone, but the two that it lost last turn--

SAM: Grew back as four?

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: It's a hydra!

SAM: I don't know what a hydra is. I'm not a dork.

MARISHA: It's Greek mythology!

MATT: It makes a wisdom save against the Slow, right?

LAURA: We could do it like Hercules and just keep making it reproduce!

MATT: At the end of its turn? Natural 17!


MATT: Oh, right, yeah! This could do it! Minus one-- 16. What's the DC?

LIAM: It's 16. “Each target must succeed on a wisdom saving throw or be affected by the spell for the duration.”

MATT: At the end of the spell?

LIAM: I'm not seeing that. I'm going to look in the book. I don't see it.

MATT: “A creature affected by the spell makes another wisdom saving throw at the end of its turn. On a successful save, the effect ends.”

LIAM: It just failed because of Bane, right?

MATT: No, what's your spell DC?

LIAM: 16.

MATT: It succeeds the save.

MARISHA: Wait, with Bane?

MATT: I just rolled. It was a one on the d4. It brought it from 17 to 16. He succeeded. The Slow fails and it does regenerate some hit points from regaining the two heads back. All right. That ends the hydra's turn. Beau, you're up.

MARISHA: Okay! Oh god. I see it grow more heads and I'm like: Cool, cool, cool. I'm going to reach up and I'm going to bash two of its heads together! Then do a little bit of speed bag action!

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: Technically, isn't it flanked right now, too?

MATT: Not from Beau, it's not. Yasha and Avantika are flanking.

MARISHA: First attack. Yep, that's good. 21!

MATT: 21 hits!

MARISHA: I'm going to use my staff for this main hand. That's-- cool. Five damage. Next attack: terrible. 12.

MATT: 12 misses, unfortunately.

MARISHA: That’s my two attacks. Patient Defense.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Where is Avantika and Jamedi in the initiative order?

MATT: Avantika and Jamedi are at the very bottom.

TRAVIS: At the very bottom, they were? They should probably go before Beau then, right? Because this is the beginning of a new round.

MATT: She already went. She was the one who cut off one of the heads and then it came back.

MARISHA: Terrible round. Done for me.

MATT: Patient Defense for Beau. That brings us to Nott.

SAM: Me?! We just did Fluffernutter!

MATT: Yep. It's still over there in the darkness somewhere.

SAM: Is your dark spell still up so we can't see anything?

TALIESIN: No, we can-- Oh, not on that side of things, but you see the other side.

SAM: Well, that's where it went.

TALIESIN: It's wet.

LAURA: Yeah, it’s wet.

SAM: It's not wet.

LAURA: The keg is wet.

SAM: You mean kegs that hold beer and wine and are completely waterproof?

LAURA: That's true.

TALIESIN: Unless it cracked from throwing it.

SAM: I will stick my head out and shoot the hydra.

MATT: Go for it. Roll for an attack. I was hoping Fluffernutter was going to work.

LAURA: I know.

MATT: I'm so sorry.

SAM: 13.

MATT: 13 misses, it goes wide.

SAM: Wait! I'm hidden.

MATT: You are hidden! You have advantage on that.

SAM: 18!

MATT: 18 does hit, so roll damage.

TALIESIN: Oh yeah. I'm getting nervous. Got to admit, I'm getting nervous. I'm running out of cool shit to do.

SAM: (counting) Oh 23!

MATT: 23? Ooh, nice! All right. It takes the damage. It sinks into one of the necks. Its body is taking wounds heavily. It's hurt. It's not on the edge of its life, but it’s hurt. That finishes Nott's turn. It's now the abomination’s turn.

SAM: Bonus action, I hide again.

LIAM: He is slowed still. So half speed.

MATT: Correct. He is going to go ahead and-- can't take a reaction, right?

LIAM: No reactions and it can only do an action or a bonus action, not both, and only one attack.

MATT: Oh man. The only one close enough to do anything is Beau. It's going to sweep up behind Beau and take one giant swing with its scimitar at you.

TRAVIS: It's staying out of that bubble?

MATT: With disadvantage. Yes, staying just on the cusp of the bubble. Disadvantage because of Patient Defense. Which is good you did because its was a natural 20 and then a five. That brings it to 12. It totally misses. It swings wide. It would have been a head cleaving blow and out of the corner of your eye you see it with your Patient Defense ready and watch it slowly carve past, catching a couple hairs on the side of your head as you duck out of the way.

MARISHA: Yeah, slow-mo style. Fwoom. Ting.

LIAM: Touches up your undercut.

MARISHA: Yeah. Ooh. Got a nice Erika Ishii zig-zag pattern now in my undercut.

MATT: Then it makes a wisdom save to see if it can to see if it can resist that. Natural 11 plus two. 13. No, still slowed. Man! That fucks him up, too, bad. That ends his go. Fjord, you’re up.

TRAVIS: With my bonus action, I’ll cast Hex at the hydra, dropping the--

MATT: Dropping the Hunger of Hadar.

TRAVIS: The bubble.

MATT: Correct. Now the chamber is visible.

TRAVIS: Yes. Now, I will fire two Eldritch Blasts at the hydra with Hex on top. That’s only a 12.

MATT: That hits.

TRAVIS: That’s a natural 20. You said the first one hits?

MATT: What did you roll?

TRAVIS: It was a 12.

MATT: 12? No. It misses.

TRAVIS: Nine. 18.

MARISHA: *Nein*.

LIAM: Get it, F-jord.

TRAVIS: 18 plus four.

LAURA: 22.

TRAVIS: 22, thank you. Plus 1d6 for Hex. Four. So 26.

LAURA: Did you double the Hex dice, too?

TRAVIS: No. 30. Total of 30.

TALIESIN: There we go.

TRAVIS: Thank you.

MATT: With that, you blow off another one of its heads.

SAM: Blow that head!

MATT: There you go. Now it’s down to four heads.

SAM: Travis loves blowing four heads!

MATT: Fjord, the stump goes limp, laying on the ground, but there, out of the corner of your eye, you can see another head or two little snouts beginning to try and regenerate out of that neck point. You now are seeing those processes of regeneration. With each head that is removed, it immediately begins to try and regrow in its space. That finishes your turn, Fjord?

TRAVIS: It does.

MATT: Caleb, you’re up.

LIAM: Yes. Caleb leans up to throw some fire at-- Oh, fuck! Fucking-- He pulls out some more molasses and just does the same thing again: Slow.

SAM: So much molasses.

LIAM: So 16.

MATT: Damn.

MARISHA: Slow again?

LIAM: Yeah, Slow again.

MATT: How many Slow slots do you have?

LIAM: I only used one 3rd-level and I used it and got it back with the Arcane Recovery.

MATT: But you’ve cast Haste when you got in here and you cast Slow earlier, so that’s two--

LIAM: That’s two, so there’s one more.

MATT: That’s right! 6th-level. You get a third slot! That’s correct. I was thinking you had two. Yeah, all right.

LIAM: So Slow. DC 16 with Bane.

MATT: DC 16 with Bane. For the abomination with Bane, that’s 12 with him. So he fails.

LIAM: Slow.

MATT: So he’s still slowed. And the hydra. (laughs)

LIAM: Oh, I said all I wanted was for the hydra.


MATT: That’s fucked up. It was a natural 20.

LIAM: But I only cast it on the hydra, so the roll would have been for the hydra because the snake guy was still slowed. So I wouldn’t have cast it on the snake guy.

MATT: Technically, you lose concentration on the-- When you recast a concentration spell, it drops before--

LIAM: Could you say that I only give a fuck about the hydra and that I was aiming at the hydra? Because that’s a 100 percent true. The hydra is the big target here.

MARISHA: What was Matt going to say?

MATT: I understand, but Slow is an area effect meaning you can hit multiple enemies. There’s no reason to not hit him. Otherwise, you lose the concentration.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: If you want to look at the dice.

LIAM: No, I don’t want to look at the dice. You’re the DM. Whatever you say.

MATT: I know. That was--

TALIESIN: If it’s a natural 20, then the Bane doesn’t even matter.

MATT: Right, but then I rolled a four on the Bane, which brought it down to a 16. Which is exactly the DC. That’s fucked up. That’s why I laughed. I was like, “That’s really stupid.”

TALIESIN: Yeah, the 20 is the only thing you can roll with a Bane that would definitely have no effect.

MATT and LIAM: Yeah, that sucks.

MATT: All right, well, ducked back behind. It maintains basically where it was before. That finishes up your round, Caleb. Yasha, Caduceus, and Jester.

SAM: Come on, Jester!

TALIESIN: We need a fire.

LAURA: I know, but all I have is radiant flame. That doesn’t quite-- it’s not the same.

SAM: Just light a torch.

TRAVIS: Is radiant flame the same?

SAM: We’ll find out.

LIAM: I hate to do this. Can I ask one last question? You just tell me to shut the fuck up, but I really don’t care about the snake guy because he seems weak to me and the spell says I can choose the target. So if I only chose the hydra? I really don’t care about that snake guy. He seems on his last legs. He seems like a weiner dog.

MARISHA: I think you choose it, but it’s a radius effect.

LIAM: It’s not radius! You can pick whoever you want. So if there were like six guys, I can say, “Those two guys,” and not get the rest.

MATT: Okay. Correct.

MARISHA: It still rolled a natural 20, though.

LIAM: But if I only aimed at the hydra and didn’t aim at the snake guy, that roll would have gone to the hydra. Never mind.

MATT: To not be a stickler on--

LIAM: It’s too nitpicky.

MATT: I’m just saying. There was no benefit to not choosing the snake guy because he would have lost his slow if you cast it on just the hydra and recasting it again, you can choose them both which means there was no benefit other than retroactively doing the die rolls.

LIAM: I assumed that it would carry over, but you’re right. It drops and you start afresh.

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: Good.

MATT: I’m sorry, man.

LIAM: It’s okay. Now I understand how it works.

MARISHA: Sucks when your high level spells fail.

LAURA: It does.

MATT: Wizards are high-risk, high-reward for that reason. That brings us to Yasha, Caduceus, and Jester.

LAURA: Yasha want to go first?

TRAVIS: I can if you don’t have anything you want to do.

TALIESIN: No. I’m going to--

LAURA: I’m going to-- jeez, you’re really hurt, aren’t you, Beau?

MARISHA: I’m not feeling great, but if you--

LAURA: It just seems like a waste. I feel like I should take out at least the other guy to lessen to the damage coming in.

MARISHA: You do you, man.

TRAVIS: Get that fucking bow and that bow is no joke. Those arrows are fucking--

LAURA: What is the wisdom thing that you did?

MARISHA: He has plus zero to his wisdom saves.

LAURA: The hydra or the--

MARISHA and MATT: The hydra.

SAM: Oh? When did that happen?

MARISHA: I don't know about the other guy.

LAURA: I'm going to Sacred Flame the other guy.

MATT: Okay. Wisdom save on him, natural 18.

TALIESIN: Oh, no, he doesn't have fucking--

MATT: Yeah. Plus two, it's 20.

LAURA: Okay. Oh no, that was a dex save. It doesn't matter.

MATT: Oh, a dex save? That's even higher. That's a 21.

MATT: Sorry.


SAM: Nice.

LAURA: I don't know what the fuck to do. I'm trying to get this guy out. Okay.

MATT: That finishes Jester's go?

LAURA: I guess. That's all I can fucking do.

TALIESIN: I’m going to put my hand up and I think I'm going to back against the wall so that I can actually see what's going on for now because I'm starting to get nervous. I'm going to use my bonus action--

MATT: You're putting your back against the wall here?

TALIESIN: Yeah. Fuck, man. I'm also going to look at that undead motherfucker in the corner and--

MATT: You look at him and he's genuinely scared.

TALIESIN: Pull your weight. I hate lazy people. You found one of my buttons. I'm going to do a bonus action Healing Word on you. It's not a lot.

MARISHA: (weakly) I'll take it.

TALIESIN: Eight points of healing.

MARISHA: I'll so fucking take it.

TALIESIN: Then I'm going to use my other-- I can do this twice. I'm going to use Path to the Grave again. The hydra has a problem one more time. Yeah, I'm using Path to the Grave one more time on the hydra.

MATT: How many times have you used it now?

TALIESIN: Once and this is now my second because it resets after a short rest.

MATT: That's right. Because of short rest. Got it. Okay. That brings us to Yasha.

TRAVIS: Yes. She will walk up and-- Do I even need to go reckless to get advantage?

MATT: You're still flanking with Avantika.

TRAVIS: Amazing. Okay. That's good. That's 25 to hit?

MATT: Yeah, that definitely hits.

TRAVIS: (counting) 18 points on the first one.

TALIESIN: Is that including the--

MATT: That's 18 points doubled. So that becomes 36?


LAURA: Tight.

TALIESIN: Did you also do the thing where the first hit of every--

TRAVIS: The first hit on every hit gets the third d6.

TALIESIN: Correct. Okay.

MATT: With that, another one of the heads is carved off, reducing this--

LAURA and TALIESIN: We need fire.

TRAVIS: The second hit is a 22.

MATT: That hits.


MATT: It's hurting real bad.

TRAVIS: Two, eight.

SAM: Every time one of these heads comes back, does it gain hit points?


TALIESIN: And also attacks.

MATT: That's rough. That finishes Yasha's go. Avantika, it’s now her turn to go. Three attacks. Oof, that's not a good round. A two, a three, and 16 on the dagger. That hits, though. Five points of damage for Avantika.

SAM: Yeah! Avantika!

TRAVIS: Yeah! Let's get out of this! Shared survival!

MATT: Jamedi is just going to stare back at you and be like, "I was not hired for this!" That brings us to the hydra's turn.

TRAVIS: You want to reply to that, do you?

TALIESIN: I'm curious if I buy his bullshit or not.

MATT: Sure. Make an insight check.

TALIESIN: All right, thank you. Ugh, ten.

MATT: Hard to read. The hydra, now that it has, technically, advantage with the abomination across from you, Beau, it's going to take its attack--

MARISHA: Oh, does it?

MATT: Because they have you flanked.

MARISHA: Oh. Cool.

MATT: That means it's a straight attack for you.

TRAVIS: I'll do the sentry on it.

MARISHA: Cool, cool, cool.

MATT: That is 20 to hit.

MARISHA: Uh-huh.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: Oh, with negative d4.

MATT: Right. That would make it 18.

MARISHA: (strained) Miss!

MATT: There you go.

SAM: 18 misses you?

TALIESIN: Yeah, she's hard to hit.

SAM: Right, because you're hasted.

MARISHA: No, I got bracers and I'm just fast as fuck.

SAM: That's *crazy*.

MATT: That is 21 brought to 20.

MARISHA: Yeah, that one hits.

TRAVIS: 19 against the hydra--

MATT: That hits. Roll damage for Yasha.

TRAVIS: That was 12 points of damage.

MATT: Ooh! That is 14 points of piercing damage.

MARISHA: To me? Yeah? Okay.

LIAM: Beau's low.

MATT: That is 21.

TALIESIN: Even with the Bane?

MATT: With the Bane brought it down to 21. I rolled a three. It was a 24. He's rolling really good this round.


MATT: That is 14 points of piercing damage.

MARISHA and TRAVIS: Beau's down.

TALIESIN: Goddamn it.

TRAVIS: It was 12 against the hydra--

TALIESIN: Goddamn it. I'm out of healing.

MARISHA: Unconscious!

MATT: That finishes the hydra's turn. The hydra now regrows.

LIAM: Oh, and she's all by herself over there.

MARISHA: Who me?

SAM: Where are you, Beau?

LIAM: You're with Jester's clone, but you're between them.

MATT: Come here, buddy.


TRAVIS: I don't have any fire in the bag of holding, either.

MATT: It is back up to five heads now. It's looking really rough, though. With Beau down, it's going to slither up over here and get into melee with you, Caduceus.

SAM: Oh shit.

TRAVIS: No attack of opportunity because of sentry, right?

MATT: Because you already used your reaction to do so. In which case, actually, it's going to slither even further up into getting with melee with Jester as well. Now the heads are curling down inside and it's making its way to up into the hallway. That ends the hydra's turn. Beau, I need you to roll a death saving throw, please.

SAM: Oh god.

MARISHA: Lucky jade. Failure.

MATT: First failed death save. Nott, you're up.

SAM: Do I see the keg?

MATT: It's in the water currently. Right there.

LAURA: Shoot up-- kill the monster guy.

SAM: Why?

LAURA: Because he can kill Beau-- he can do double damage right now to her if he hits her.

SAM: Yeah, but this guy is up there fucking your shit--

LAURA: Do it. Kill the guy.

SAM: He's not in--

LAURA: Yes, he is. He's right next to Beau. He can kill her. *Kill her* kill her.

TRAVIS: Kill her kill her?

LAURA: (cooing) Kill him!

TALIESIN: We're within talking range. You don't have to yell at--

MARISHA: Listen to Jester!

SAM: I will peek around and fire at that guy, whatever that guy is. The abomination.

MATT: Okay. You scoot around the corner.

SAM: That's a 19.

MATT: 19 hits.

SAM: That's--

LAURA: A lot.

MARISHA: Save me.

SAM: 20 points of damage.

MATT: He's so close. He's still slowed and you watch him (groaning).

SAM: I'll run up to that keg. Bend down. Then shoot one more shot.

MATT: All right, you grab the keg.

SAM: 24?

MATT: That hits. Roll damage.

TALIESIN: Oh thank god.

MARISHA: Come on.

SAM: Ten.


MARISHA: I live another day!

MATT: Just right through the temple. Onto the ground. You're just holding the keg there.

SAM: I'm standing on the water holding my keg.

MATT: Okay. That ends your turn, Nott. That would have been the abomination's turn, but he's dead. That brings us to Fjord.

LIAM: Wow!

TRAVIS: Okay. Yes, I'll move just so I have a line of sight with the hydra and I'll rip off two Eldritch Blasts in its direction. That is 18 on the first one to hit.

MATT: That hits.

TRAVIS: The second one is 14.

MATT: That does not hit.

TRAVIS: Does not hit. Okay. 1d10 plus four. Nine, plus four is 13, plus-- 16 plus 1d6 for Hex. That's six points. 22 points of Eldritch Blast damage.

MATT: You undo its healing from last round.


MATT: Meaning it healed up 20 points and then you just did 22. You blast its body and part of its back muscles are exposed and bits of bone are showing. It still has all of these heads that are sinking forward and desperately biting around it, but it's looking really rough. That finishes your turn, Fjord. Caleb, you're up.

LIAM: Oh jeez, okay. I'm not within range of it, right? Because there's a tunnel here?

MATT: Correct, you were just out of its range.

LIAM: I killed it, you saw it. I'm backing up as far as I can go.

MATT: Well, this curves around so you can get that close, but you can't see it.

LIAM: I need to see it.

MATT: That's where you can see it. Any further and you're not going to be able to see it.

LIAM: I'm going to cast Fire Bolt at one of its heads.

MATT: Go for it. It has, technically, three-quarters cover because of most of it's covered by the rest of the chamber.

LIAM: What if I stand next to Jester instead? And risk my life.

MATT: That's half cover.

LIAM: Half cover?

MATT: Yeah. Next to Jester there will get you into its melee zone.

LIAM: That's fine, that's what I'm doing.

MATT: It's in the melee zone.

LIAM: Okay, so that's regular and that is a 21 to hit.

MATT: Hold on a second.

TRAVIS: Are you punching it?

LIAM: I'm using Fire B-- yes fucking Dragonballing that shit. Does the hydra have nads?

MARISHA: Yeah, the hooligan.

MATT: Just letting you know, you have disadvantage on attacks when you're in melee with something.

LIAM: When I'm in melee with something? Well, I would know that.

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: Let's pretend like I knew that.

MATT: It's either get into melee and have disadvantage or take three-quarters cover.

LIAM: So it's disadvantage no matter what. Right?

MATT: Well it's disadvantage or it gets plus five to its AC. Your call.

LIAM: Disadvantage.

MATT: All right, so you get in there.

LIAM: So I got to roll again.

MATT: You can, yes.

LIAM: The first was 21. The second was much worse! 11.

MATT: 11 misses. The bolt goes wide, arcing past it.

LIAM: Not a good day for Caleb.

MARISHA: No, you did so much already! So much! (farts) Sorry. I’d blame it on the chair if it wasn’t trite.

LIAM: I'm in range now, right?

MATT: You are in melee range, yes.

LIAM: Okay, I'm good.

MATT: All right, you're staying there.

LIAM: Yes, I'm staying. If I run, it's going to hit me, so I'm just going stay put.

MATT: All right that ends Caleb's turn. Yasha, Caduceus, and Jester.

TALIESIN: You want to go first? Actually I'll go first.

LAURA: Yeah, go, take it.

TALIESIN: I apparently have more 3rd-level spells than I thought, so that's exciting. I'm going to cast Spirit Guardians at level three. I just tap my staff and a bunch of creepy little glowing fairies start flying around me. That's a wisdom 16 save. Minus d4.

MATT: That is a natural 17.

TALIESIN: Just need a two.

MATT: A four. Fails. Actually no, technically--

MARISHA: Oh! Technically, no!

MATT: In casting Spirit Guardians, which is a concentration spell, your Bane drops. So it does succeed.

TALIESIN: I'm so sorry, I wouldn't have dropped the Bane, then. I’m so sorry. I didn't see that it was concentration. That would have changed my plan--

MATT: Okay, we'll just walk that back a little bit.

TALIESIN: I'm so sorry.

LIAM: Nobody's allowed to learn at the table.

MATT: Yeah, Spirit Guardians is a concentration of ten minutes.

TALIESIN: That's fine. Did we figure out what the constitution of this creature was, by the way?

LAURA: Plus five.

MARISHA: Plus five to con, plus zero to wis.

TALIESIN: I'm just going to do what I was going to do originally which is I'm going to do a level three Guiding Bolt.

MATT: Okay then. You are in its melee, so disadvantage on the attack roll.

TALIESIN: That's fine.

SAM: Guiding Bolt up its ass.

LAURA: Up the butt!

TALIESIN: Please. What's the plus to this?

MATT: Whatever your spell attack modifier is.

TALIESIN: Where is my spell attack--

MATT: I think it's plus eight.

TALIESIN: Fuck! 13.

MATT: 13 misses, unfortunately. Guiding Bolt goes wide.

TALIESIN: Fuck, man. Bonus action, I'm going to vanish.

MATT: You turn invisible which means you're still there-- this is the mark that you're invisible. That means any attacks against you have disadvantage.

TALIESIN: I'm going to move two spaces over.

MATT: Two space over--

TALIESIN: To my right.

MATT: Here you mean?

TALIESIN: No, like--

MATT: Inside the tunnel you mean?

TALIESIN: Yeah, right in front of Caleb. Just to get funky. Fuck man.

MATT: That finishes your turn. Some bad rolls, you guys, I'm sorry. Jester.

LIAM: He's focused on us.

LAURA: I know, he's going to get a hit on us. I'm going to go down if I heal Beau, so I'm going to heal Beau and hope that somebody takes care of him before he kills us. I'm going to use my duplicate to reach down and touch Beau. Can I see my duplicate?

MATT: You have to move forward to see it.

LAURA: Well, I'm already within range of him.

MATT: You can move there and glance up the side, if you want.

LAURA: Can I see?

MATT: You can see Beau.

LAURA: Okay, I'm going to reach down and use Cure Wounds at level one because that's what I've got.

MATT: Cure Wounds with-- yes.

LAURA: With touch, yes.

LIAM: I have this hydra miniature at home and when I get home, I'm going to go to my office and I'm going to throw him into the neighbors yard.

MATT: I'm sorry.

TALIESIN: Yasha, please, Yasha.

SAM: The neighbor finds lots of minis in his yard.

LAURA: Ten points of healing.

LIAM: There's the oni, the giant red dragon.

TALIESIN: Might as well get right up in there, I suppose.

MARISHA: I'm awake.

SAM: Hi Beau.

TALIESIN: Fuck, I'm an idiot. I'm such an idiot. I've got to get better at this.

SAM: Give it a couple years.


LIAM: Just a few more decades and you'll have mastered this game.

MATT: That ends your turn, Jester.

TALIESIN: I'm seeing things I should have done.

LAURA: That's all I've got.

LIAM: That's the game.

TALIESIN: No bonus?

LAURA: I don't have anything to do for bonus, outside of Spiritual Weapon.

SAM: Do Patient Defense!

MATT: It's Yasha’s turn.

LAURA: Okay, okay! I've got something. Can I bring my duplicate up next to me? For my bonus action.

MATT: Sure.

SAM: Ooh, confusion technique.

LAURA: It is, he gets a negative-- he gets disadvantage on attack rolls against me when my duplicate's next to me.

MATT: There you go.

SAM: Smart, smart, smart.

TRAVIS: It's Yasha? She's going to walk up and swing away.

LIAM: Save us, Yasha.

TRAVIS: Is there any advantage from flanking anything?

MATT: At the moment, no, because nobody is directly into melee with it, they're just within its reach.

TALIESIN: I'm an idiot.

TRAVIS: 25 to hit on the first one.

MATT: That hits.

LAURA: That’s a lie. I get on advantage on attacks, they don’t have disadvantage on me.

MATT: Well, there you go.

TRAVIS: 15 on the second, does that hit?

MATT: 15 just hits.

TRAVIS: 20 and there's nothing else. Yeah, 20 points on the first one.

MATT: Okay, and the next attack?

TRAVIS: Nine points on the second-- I'm sorry, ten. Ten points on the second one.

MATT: How does Yasha want to do this?

MARISHA: Wait, isn't that her second how do you want to do this tonight?

SAM: She's so brutal!

LIAM: She's so strategic.

TRAVIS: Jester, Caduceus, Caleb are all cowering in the hallway with all the hydra heads coming in. As it rears back to strike, they see the Magician’s Judge pierce through the belly of the hydra and cleave through the middle of it.

MATT: The blade *shinks* out the front and then (squishing noises). With a violent swing, the torso splits apart with Yasha standing over the back and leaping off behind it where it falls and slides down the steps to the base of the bottom chamber,

TRAVIS: She just goes: No problem.

MARISHA: That was pretty good.

LIAM: Fucking Swede.

MATT: With the hydra slain and fallen, everyone looks around, taking a moment breathing heavily, taking in the much worse way that could have gone a few times.

LIAM: One very important question-- Am I still high as balls?

MATT: Both Nott and Caleb are.

TALIESIN: Roll for balls.

SAM: This is some good shit!

TALIESIN: That explains a lot.

MATT: As you step out, you look down and see Avantika walking up and kicking the body and looking at the rest of you. There’s sweat in her brow, little smear of her own blood down the front of her face. "Not bad. Not bad at all. You can stay on the crew."

MARISHA: Cool. Thanks.

TALIESIN: That's nice.

MATT: Puts her blades away. And that's where we're going to pick up next week.

TRAVIS: Fucking Jamedi.

MARISHA: I had questions.

LIAM: I had some words for Jamedi in the middle of my drug high.

LAURA: Holy shit.


TRAVIS: Fuck Matt, jesus.

MATT: What?

TRAVIS: How many heads did we go through? I think we went through-- I'm sure CritRoleStats knows.

MATT: I love the mini; it comes with so many heads.

TRAVIS: I think it was around like 14 or 16 or something, I can't remember.

MATT: That was fun.

TRAVIS: That was really good.

MATT: Well done, guys.

MARISHA: Oh shit.

LAURA: Was it?

MATT: Man, I wanted that to explode so bad!

TALIESIN: Thank you for not shooting it in the pool because that might have killed you.

MARISHA: Yeah, I don't know.

LAURA: I mean, Beau would have definitely died.

TALIESIN: Beau would have taken an automatic death saving fail.

LIAM: But it would have been glorious.

MATT: If you had thrown it high enough, if you hit it, it would have just hit the hydra, but that low roll was just this low arc. It would have probably hit Beau and everything around it.

LIAM: So like, a medium range roll, like a 15,16, 17-- Hit the hydra, killed Beau.

MARISHA: I would have lived.

MATT: In essence with the low strength roll, it's probably best that you missed because it would have been--

SAM: Oh shit!

MATT: It would have been like a free Fireball, essentially.

TRAVIS: What's the ballpark damage-ish? Like blank d6?

MATT: I don't know, you still can use it.

TRAVIS: That's right.

MATT: You'll figure it out.

TRAVIS: He said we can still use it if it's not damaged.

TALIESIN: Large groups of enemies, it's a great idea.

TRAVIS: Fluffernutter.

MATT: We'll pick up for this next time we play, which will be in two weeks, technically, because we'll be at MCM. However next week, you get to see Laura's amazing one-shot she's running. Enjoy that. We'll pick up this campaign November 1st. We'll get to see the aftermath of this battle, explore this chamber, and what the things you've learned and hope to learn mean. Until we get to then, guys, we love you very much and is it Thursday yet? Good night.

ALL: Fluffernutter!


Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.