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Critical Role Wiki
Critical Role Wiki

List of Transcripts


MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit and play Dungeons and Dragons… across my camera.

(all laugh)

MATT: Welcome to tonight's adventure. Before we get into it, we're going to go ahead and go through our notes for sponsorship and other such glory for the evening. First and foremost, tonight, we have our fantastic returning sponsor, Lootcrate.

ALL: Lootcrate!

MATT: Thank you so much, Lootcrate. We have a glorious unboxing that is happening right now.

LAURA: Right now!

MATT: Let's do it.

MARISHA: So wait. They've changed their boxes and their logos. I don't know if you guys noticed.

SAM: I think you mean upgraded. I can't open this.

LAURA: So wait, we're unboxing last month's box.

TRAVIS: This is their 'build' theme.

TALIESIN: It's the 'build' theme.

LIAM: That's for building a thing, isn't it?


LIAM: Oh, that's cute.

MARISHA: Oh, you know what? This was a bad decision. You're correct, this was a bad point of entry.

TALIESIN: This was a great decision.

TRAVIS: What did you do?

LAURA: Why would you do that?

MARISHA: I found a perforated edge.

MATT: It's like a Batman loot container? Wait, wait, wait. Oh, slick.

LAURA: You can put your soup in it!

MATT: You can put your secret keys in there. Hide it in your front yard so nobody can take it.

SAM: There's Lego stuff!

TALIESIN: Oh, no there's not!

SAM: My kid's gonna love this!

TALIESIN: Oh my god, I got the Spaceman. Which one did you get?

SAM: Lego Dimensions fun pack of--

TALIESIN: It's what's-his-name. It's Liam Neeson.

SAM: That's Liam Neeson?

LIAM: Yeah, they're all different.

MATT: I got Cyborg!

MARISHA: I got Cyborg.

MATT: Yay, we have two Cyborgs for the home..

MARISHA: Oh, yay. Who wants to trade me a Cyborg?

TALIESIN: I'll trade you a Cyborg for a Spaceman.

MARISHA: Aw, yeah.

TALIESIN: Oh my god, this is actually--

SAM: Voltron?

TALIESIN: No, that's Power Rangers.

TRAVIS: We don't have to give these back, right? We can keep them?

SAM: That's not Voltron?

TALIESIN: That's not Voltron, man.

SAM: I'm so stupid.


LAURA: Did anybody show off the shirt, yet?

SAM: No.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I did, but I'll show it off again. It's a really awesome Power Rangers shirt, with the classic Megazord.

LAURA: That's pretty frickin' cool.

SAM: I'm pretty sure that's Voltron, guys.

TRAVIS: Megazord!

TALIESIN: Who are you gonna believe?

LAURA: Wait, what size do I have?

TALIESIN: Guy with the comic book show?

LAURA: Hey, who's got a small?

TALIESIN: I may have a small. Let me find out. This feels small.

LIAM: What do you got?

LAURA: I got a large.

TALIESIN: I've got a large, never mind.

MARISHA: There's also something that tells me that I can unlock the mysteries.

TALIESIN: Oh, this is really cool, look at that.

LIAM: What Lego did you get?

MARISHA: Secret of the keys.

SAM: Ooh, 'How to build a tabletop RPG character'! That's very helpful.

TALIESIN: You should definitely read that. You should definitely, definitely read that. Please read that. I'm not even kidding. Read that.

LAURA: My favorite thing is the Batman head.

LIAM: You, specifically.

TALIESIN: You, read it.

SAM: I will read that.

TALIESIN: Like, on the break, read it.

SAM: Okay.

LAURA: Thanks, Lootcrate!

MATT: Thank you so much, Lootcrate! You're awesome, appreciate that. Sam, did you want to speak a little bit--

SAM: I just wanted to say the things that we're supposed to say, which is, our sponsor Lootcrate, this was their last month's theme, 'build'. This month's theme is 'primal', featuring brands like X-Men, Overwatch, and Predator. If you go to and use the promo code 'criticalrole', one word, you get 10% off. I've prepared a very, very small bit tonight, because I knew we had the unboxing to do. I thought for our international audience, they might like to know how to say Lootcrate in different languages. So I did some really good research. Not five minutes on Google Translate, I'll tell you that much. In Spanish, Lootcrate is 'las ganancias cajas'. In German, it's 'der Zaster Casten'! In Japanese, it's 'senri-hin kureto'. In Latin, it's 'praedam corbis'. In Dutch, it's 'buit krat'. In Swedish, we're talking 'plundra spjällåda'. And in Klingon, [yells in Klingon].

(all cheer)

TALIESIN: Good pronunciation.

SAM: Oh, and in pig latin, it's 'Am-say's ick-day is ig-bay'. All right, good.

MATT: Fantastic.

LIAM: Send all your complaints care of Sam Riegel.

MATT: Thank you so much, Sam. And thank you, Lootcrate, for being our awesome sponsor. If the announcement sheet did go out today, I did not get it, so whoever put it together, if they could go find it real fast while I talk about--

MARISHA: You talk!

TALIESIN: I sent the announcement sheet to you.

MATT: I didn't get it in my e-mail.

MARISHA: Let me find it on my--

MATT: It's okay.

MARISHA: I don't know where my phone is.

MATT: I do want to give a heads-up, right now we have giveaway happening from our pals over at Nerdist. Thanks to Qualcomm, Lion's Gate, and the new VR experience based on the upcoming Power Rangers movie, you can enter to win a paid trip to LA to attend the Power Rangers movie premiere, as well as Google Pixel phones and Daydream headsets. I don't know what Daydream headsets are, but I bet you I know what they do.

TRAVIS: They're VR, they're the VR headset.

MATT: They give you daydreams. From now through March 10, you can go to to learn more and enter to win, and we kinda prefer to see Critters win anything that happens here--

TRAVIS: Yeah we do!

MATT: Because then we can stack the deck against our own people. To show those Nerdist guys what we mean here at Geek and Sundry.

LAURA: What's up!

MATT: That's awesome, thank you so much for the heads-up on that. Let's see. The other announcements...

MARISHA: The other announcements, I'm trying to navigate Taliesin's phone, because I don't know where my phone is, so this is just going--

SAM: Taliesin's on an iPhone 2 over there.

MARISHA: This is just going great. Fuck it. We'll do it off the cuff.

TALIESIN: Well no, I remember some of them.

SAM: One of them was Taliesin's announcement that he has some show on Wednesday nights.

MARISHA: Wednesday Club.

TALIESIN: I do. Wednesday at noon to two on this very Twitch channel, is the Wednesday Club, and this week we're gonna be talking about Image Comics, which is now about 25 years old. This is the thing, and we're gonna talk about how they started and why it's important, and then all the cool stuff they're doing today, which is some really cool stuff. Good books.

MARISHA: There's also a new Signal Boost, with Stefanie Woodburn and Eric Campbell is out-- ooh, there it is. Merch! Merch. Dice. Are out of stock.

LAURA: The dice are out of stock, you guys.

MARISHA: Dice are out of stock.

SAM: Don't worry, we'll get like three more.

MARISHA: Gilmore shirts. The Gilmore shirts are still up, along with socks, vinyl stickers, mugs, patches, bracelets, pins, hats, nail wraps, logo shirts, the disturbingly comfortable 'How do you want to do this?' t-shirt and hoodie, and more, but not really more. That's actually I think everything.

(all laugh)

MARISHA: I just felt like I needed a finale to that. Oh, GM Tips!

MATT: Oh, that's right! New episode of GM Tips went up today. This one is about how to design and write your own one-shot. It goes through the process of initial story design and how to prepare encounters and NPCs and be ready for a one-shot circumstance for a single-run arc. These tips can also be expanded upon to do multiple sessions or a full arc, or even a full campaign. But these are little bite-sized condensed tips, so I hope they're helpful and inspiring so people can learn a thing or two about running a one-shot or more. So check it out. Marisha, you--

SAM: Taliesin just made a robot.

MATT: That's actually pretty rad.


MATT: You had an announcement, if I recall.

MARISHA: Yes! I can officially announce as of yesterday that I am one of the new hosts of Gamestop TV.

(all cheer)

MARISHA: So if you walk into a Gamestop, you can see my dumb face talking to you about games and all that stuff, along with Chris, who's been there since the beginning, but yeah.

MATT: Since the Triassic.

MARISHA: Yeah, exactly.

LIAM: We are so proud.

MARISHA: I'm a little kooky.

LAURA: You're always a little kooky, Marisha.

MARISHA: That's true.

LIAM: That's you.

MATT: It's like you were the harbinger of the end of the circle of life for Gamestop.

MARISHA: Yeah, it's like the ouroboros kinda thing.

MATT: You know what I'm talking about.

LAURA: Oh my god. Lego Batman head's gonna be my dice jail tonight. That's an important announcement.

MARISHA: And last but not least, as always, Talks Machina's live on Tuesday nights at 7PM on Twitch, with the illustrious Brian Foster. And don't forget, 'cause I feel like not a lot of people are doing this really, and I see so much, don't forget to submit your gif and fanart of the week to the contest, and use to do that. Put it in the subject, be like, 'contest entry', because that helps people who are poring through your emails.

MATT: There you go.

SAM: 17 more announcements, guys.

MARISHA: That's it. That's all we have.

MATT: Good, great!

MARISHA: Done and done.

MATT: All righty. That being the case, let's go ahead--

TRAVIS: Twins!

MATT: Twins.

LIAM: Twins.

MATT: -- and bring it in to tonight's episode of Critical Role.

(opening credits)

Part I[]

MATT: Welcome back. So, to get you guys up to speed for tonight's episode, Vox Machina, our band of adventurers, after defeating the Chroma Conclave, destroying Thordak and then Raishan, the mastermind behind their ascension, you then recovered a few objects of possible-- revealing her plans, at the very least, though keeping it tempered. You've begun closing loose ends that you hadn't had the time to get to at this point, including finishing Keyleth's Aramente. You managed to charter a ship and crew at Emon to head towards the west, the Ozmit Sea, where you were boarded temporarily by what appeared to be a band of pirates. Defeating them and sinking the ship, you continued forward, taking a prisoner.

LAURA: A friendly prisoner. We're friendly taking a prisoner. Nicely taking a prisoner.

TRAVIS: What history do you remember?

MATT: You then eventually found yourselves, the ship reaching the outside of the Anamn Mountains-- Anamn Islands. It's been a long week.

TRAVIS: Yeah, man.

MATT: Where the ship set anchor on the outside of the reefs that encircle the center of these three islands, where in the center of them lies a partially submerged city of Vesrah, the last stop on Keyleth's Aramente and the water ashari that live there. You, upon arriving just past sunset, watched the city come to life, and the Vesrah come out, and upon discovering that you were allies, or at least friendly, they took you in and gave you the idea of what you had to do to finish this Aramente. Your task, to come the following day, was to be led down into the Aerie of Torrent, where the elemental rift to the water elemental plane resides, under protection, and you were to retrieve three lodestones, magical stones that are occasionally farmed from the water elemental plane as they fade from power. These stones are utilized, apparently, in both keeping the rift contained and keeping the city of Vesrah aloft and up towards the air. However, in the process of them researching where these lodestones came from, it was discovered in at least recent years that they were byproducts of one of the krakens that lives in the water elemental plane, and--

LAURA: Kraken, plural?

MATT: There are a number of krakens. This one, however, was drawn back to the rift from one of the earlier expeditions of the Waveriders that were attempting to find them, and now has taken up its lair on the outskirts of this rift, so your task, as Vox Machina, is to enter the rift into the water elemental plane, find and bring back three of these lodestones, and do so without slaying the kraken, as it is an important part of the ecology and continued existence of the city of Vesrah. So. That's where we come up. So as it is evening, you've been fed, a largely fish- and marine-based meal, and you've had the opportunity to speak with some of the locals and prepare and discuss amongst yourselves exactly what you wish to do for this journey tomorrow. So.

MARISHA: So what time is it here?

MATT: I mean, it's probably-- post-food and mild celebration of you guys making it here in the first place? They don't get too many intentional travelers. Most of the people that come here are either shipwrecked, saved by the Waveriders in the middle of storms, and some of them stay and end up joining the Vesrah. They have a number of reformed pirates. People that almost died at sea or drowned but were saved by them and eventually joined them. But I'd say it's about... maybe close to 10PM, the equivalent.

MARISHA: Oh, it's late.

LAURA: I feel like we should--

MATT: You got here just after dusk.

LAURA: We should have a Heroes' Feast before tomorrow. I have no idea what a kraken does, or--

MARISHA: Me neither. Actually, is Uvenda still around? She's still there, are we still in front of her?

MATT: Uvenda is around, yeah. You can find her. As you approach her, she's finished her meal and is half-napping in this, almost a high chair, though it's built beautifully of what look to be petrified bleach-white shells and coral structures. This looks to be her seat at this open natural gazebo-like eating space. She's half-resting off to the side with her staff, leaning off a bit, and as you start approaching, one eye flies open and rolls in your direction, and she leans forward. "Young Keyleth. What do you require?"

MARISHA: Sorry. I hope I'm not interrupting.

MATT: My nap, yes, but you seem intent. What do you wish?

MARISHA: I was just curious, I guess, if you had any advice for tomorrow morning. Is there anything I should know in particular about the kraken?

MATT: From what we know, the kraken is a very hungry beast. It carries with it a swarm of long, grasping tentacles. It moves unimpeded and destroys structures in its path. Seems nigh-unstoppable, which is why maintaining the rift is so important. To unleash more of these entities in our plane would be disastrous, not just for our city, but for the entirety of the Ozmit. Do be aware that you will be encountering this beast deep, deep in the fathomless depths of the water elemental plane, so be prepared best you can to swim.

MARISHA: Right. You mentioned it being hungry. What does it hunger for?

MATT: Anything that crosses its path. You'll see, the sand below the vicinity of the rift is partially soot, dirt, and sand, but a lot of it is sprinkled bone of things that failed to make it through the rift.

MARISHA: And I imagine it's pretty dark down there.

MATT: It's not the brightest place, no.

LAURA: How large are these lodestones that we're looking for?

MATT: "We will show you these down in the Aerie tomorrow, but they're roughly--" and she gives a motion about that big in her hands. "About that large. But you can take time and research the ones that are dwindling within the temple. That way, you'll know what to look for."

LIAM: And in all your experience with these beasts, are their attacks mainly physical?

MATT: Mainly. However, they have a degree of control over the waters that surround them. Those who have returned, the Waverunners who do these passes every few years, they speak of currents swiftly changing, it leaving bursts of darkened ink-like material to obstruct the space. And they speak of sudden surges of energy that rock through the nearby waters.

LAURA: Great.

TRAVIS: So we need snorkels.

LAURA: Lots and lots of snorkels.

LIAM: Long ones.

MARISHA: Are there other creatures that live in the rift?

MATT: There are creatures, but those of flesh and bone usually find themselves in the belly of the beast, and due to the nature of its presence, and the rift's energy, elementals do occasionally wander half-crazed, directionless in that space as well. So be careful.

MARISHA: All right. Is there a particular creature that you know is good at evading this kraken?

MATT: Our Waverunners. They travel usually in various forms of their mer-form.

MARISHA: All right.

MATT: Anything that can swim quickly, swiftly, search fast, and retrieve and return. Whatever that is to you, that's your choice.


LAURA: Keyleth, I know you have the ability to turn us into different things.


LAURA: Is it possible to turn us into water elementals?

MARISHA: No, that's--

LAURA: It's not a thing.

MARISHA: -- that's not really a beast. I can turn you into--

TRAVIS: Like a great herd of dolphins that we can commandeer?

TALIESIN: Sea cows.

TRAVIS: Yeah. And then just ride them--

LAURA and LIAM: Manatees.

LAURA: Narwhals!

TRAVIS: They do have a spike.

TALIESIN: The worst of like five worlds.

LIAM: The unicorns of the sea.

MARISHA: Well, I know that Taryon and I can I can alter ourselves into merfolk.

SAM: Yes.

MARISHA: And you can also-- how many people can you imbue with your powers?

SAM: To become underwater sea-breathers?

MARISHA: Yeah, could you give Alter Self to others?

SAM: I mean, technically, I could. It would use a lot of my spell abilities, but I could give four of my little coins to people, and those coins could be used to alter yourself to be a water breathing madman like me.

LAURA: Merfolk?

SAM: Well, sort of. Just you, but with gills.

LAURA: What if we want to be a mermaid, though?

SAM: Sure, yeah, you could do that.

LAURA: Okay, sweet.

MATT: With the Alter Self, you can give yourself gills and webbed hands, and you would gain a swim speed of your normal walking speed.

LAURA: And a seashell bra.

MATT: Should that be your preference, sure.

MATT: As she begins to talk about the--

TRAVIS: For all of us.

TALIESIN: Oh, yeah. Oh, please.

MARISHA: Definitely.

TALIESIN: We're all on board.

LIAM: This all she talked about from ages six to 13. Only thing.

MARISHA: (sings) We are the daughters of Trident!

TRAVIS: (sings) I want to go where the people are.

LIAM: Look at our DM.

MATT: "Anyway."

SAM: I could also think of a spell that would give you a clever Rastafarian crab sidekick.

LAURA: Ooh, I like it. Oh, Trinket!

TALIESIN: Turn Trinket into a--

MARISHA: Oh my gosh! Yeah! Yeah!

TALIESIN: Okay, okay. Put it down before this gets weird.

LAURA: Okay.

MARISHA: I agree. Let's talk about this over a Heroes' Feast. How's that?

LAURA: Yeah, but a midnight feast like--

TALIESIN: We're not doing Hero's Brunch?

LAURA: No, 'cause that would waste a spell on the day.

TRAVIS: Keyleth? I don't think she's done talking.

MARISHA: Who? What?

MATT: "Just be warned..."

MARISHA: Sorry, we get carried away.

MATT: "I would recommend taking some time in the water first. Learn how it reacts to you and you react to it. Know that the limitations of not combating in air can be restrictive."

LAURA: Makes sense. I don't know how my bow's going to work underwater.

TALIESIN: I don't know how my guns are going to work underwater.

MARISHA: Do you have a training ground? Like an arena that's kind of comparable we can test in tonight?

MATT: "Tonight? We could escort you to one of the more deep areas in Vesrah if you'd like."

TRAVIS: Does it have to be tonight?

SAM: Well, yes, if we want to recover all our abilities for tomorrow.

MARISHA: We're leaving in the morning.

TRAVIS: Oh. Right, yeah. Good point.

MARISHA: Do we want to practice now and eat later, or eat now and practice later?

LAURA: Practice for an hour, have a midnight feast.

TRAVIS: I hear you're not supposed to fight or kill anything for 30 minutes after you eat.

LAURA: Right.

TALIESIN: At least 30 minutes.


LAURA: So fight first, and then snack.

MARISHA: So fight first. Yeah, we shouldn't swim after eating.

TALIESIN: You'll just get a cramp.

MARISHA: Cramps.

LIAM: Even that's a pretty big number for you.

TRAVIS: I just say it, I don't know what it means. 30.

MATT: All right. You guys are escorted over four or five structures past the main eating thoroughfare into an area that quickly descends. The beach drops down into about a ten, 15-foot depth. You can see this area is almost like a farming ground for bits of kelp and other sea plants that are just maintained for food.

MARISHA: So we're doing this in the morning, right? We're leaving first thing?

MATT: You guys just said you were doing it before--

LAURA: No, no, no, no, no, yes. We're doing that, but we're leaving in the morning.

MARISHA: No, we're leaving in the morning though, at dawn.

MATT: Yeah, tomorrow is when you actually venture down to the Aerie.

SAM: And then we swim.

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: And then we swim. Then I'm going to go ahead and cast Water Breathing on all of us now, because it lasts for 24 hours.

MATT: Okay. So how many targets can you do with that?

LAURA: Can we still breathe on land?

SAM: No. (laughs)

MARISHA: Up to ten, I believe.

MARISHA: I think it's up to ten. Let me double-check. I'm pretty sure it's ten.

MATT: Oh, don't worry. In older editions, there were arguments, because they didn't specify.

LAURA: Yeah? Ooh.

LIAM: Oh, great.

TALIESIN: You have to sleep with a glass of water by the bed.

LAURA: Sleep in a fishbowl.

MATT: All right, so between all of you, including Trinket, you guys are able to imbue, for the next 24 hours, Water Breathing onto the party.

MARISHA: Ten. Willing creatures.

MATT: Ten willing creatures, perfect. Ah, Doty does not need it. Doty does not breathe. All right, so you guys, you feel this strange kind of sensation as the air seems to change in your lungs, but still function. It's a bit colder, and as you slowly submerge yourself in the water, you dip underneath, and the instinct is to hold your breath for as long as you can. It's that natural survival instinct, but the moment you give in and allow yourself to inhale you panic for a moment but then regulate, for a moment, and feel the water cycle through. It's cold. It chills the interior of your lungs a bit, but you can breathe fine. Speaking's still a bit of an issue. It's still a kind of a garbled-- there's no air passing past the vocal cords.

TRAVIS: I'm peeing. I'm peeing in the water right now.

LIAM: Three hours of this.

LAURA: Can we see under the water? How's our perc--

TRAVIS: Visibility.

LAURA: Visibility?

MATT: Your visibility is as good as it would be underwater. It's murky. It's difficult to get a very clear view of anything beyond maybe a 20-foot span. Plus, this is nighttime. It's dark.

LAURA: What about Percy with his glasses? I mean, could we do some sort of goggle things, so we can see better?

TALIESIN: We could try to craft some goggles.

LIAM: You put 'em away. Didn't you?

LAURA: So that we could see underwater.

LIAM: Aren't they for close up?

TALIESIN: Yeah, they are for close up, but they're not attached to my-- water could get in.


TRAVIS: Do you want me to hold your glasses again for you?

MATT: You would have to ask, probably, for materials to do that.


MATT: You don't have anything to craft goggles.

LIAM: You don't want to lose them in the ocean. Maybe put them away?

TALIESIN: Yeah, I'll put them in, I've got a pocket.

LIAM: Just, just don't open it.

SAM: Crafting goggles. Would it be helpful to craft something that would allow us to speak? Or--

LAURA: I don't know if there's time for all of that. It'd be great, though. Tary, you're really good at crafting right?

SAM: I am, I would say the best at crafting, actually. I've spent my whole life doing it.

LAURA: All right, could you make something like that in like an hour?

SAM: I have no idea. But the adventure is to try, right? And I certainly will give it a go.

TALIESIN: My big question is, what am I going to do with my guns?

TRAVIS: Go find out.

LAURA: Yeah, I'm going to try to shoot an arrow and see what happens.

MARISHA: Yeah, go find out, that's why we're here, man.

MATT: Okay, you pull back and release the arrow, and it does fire, but it fires much slower and is impeded. It only gets about half as far, and even then with a dull thud.

LAURA: Does it-- It doesn't seem like it pierces any?

MATT: It functions, but essentially the-- and this goes for any ranged attacks, most ranged attacks I should say, and melee attacks are at disadvantage underwater.


MATT: And ranged attacks don't go further than their first range increment.

LAURA: So what would that be?

TALIESIN: I'm gonna have to look up my first range increment

MATT: So if you look at your bow, and it says like, you know, 60 feet, 120 feet, you know, for first increment, second increment.

LIAM: Yeah.

LAURA: Uh-huh.

MATT: It's disadvantage, and anything past that first increment is an automatic miss. It just stops in the water.

LAURA: Oh no!

LIAM: So, for example, daggers'--

TRAVIS: Thank you, Ryan.

LAURA: Thank you, Ryan.

LIAM: -- short distance is 20 feet.

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: I could throw it 20 feet at disadvantage.

MATT: And that's as far as it'll go.

LIAM: Gameplay wise, game mechanics.

MATT: Also, your movement speed is halved.

TRAVIS: Son of a bitch!

LIAM: This is awesome!

TALIESIN: Unless we web.

LAURA: So, for a longbow.

MATT: Unless you have webbed fingers, or you know, use Alter Self

TALIESIN: Or turn into dolphins, or--

MARISHA: We could be great whites.

LAURA: Ooh! Let's be sharks.

TALIESIN: Swordfish.

MARISHA: We could be sharks.

LAURA: Or we could be merpeople.

MARISHA: I can also change us whenever we feel like being something else.

TALIESIN: Eels. Electric eels.

MARISHA: It just takes a turn. Rock it like an electric eel!

LAURA: How do I find out how far a longbow can shoot?

TALIESIN: Not that I don't know this isn't going to work, but I'm going to try and see if I can get, even with like maybe an electric pulse, if I can light the powder. If the powder's wet, the powder's wet. Once I open that thing--

MATT: The minute you submerge your gun, the powder is wet. Your firearms will not function underwater.

TALIESIN: They're not going to function underwater.

MATT: I'm sorry, Percy.

TALIESIN: It's okay. No, I'd be worried if they did.

MATT: All right, so for the longbow, your first range increment is 150 feet, so you're okay.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: But anything beyond that, not functional.

LAURA: Done, okay.

TRAVIS: So, all melee attacks are at disadvantage, because you're swinging through water.

MATT: Correct. Yeah, you're going against resistance in the water.

TRAVIS: Fucking hate the ocean now.

TALIESIN: So there's no way to put a bubble around me or anything, is there?


LAURA: Yeah but, oh.

SAM: A bubble around what?

TRAVIS: Like an airtight bubble.

TALIESIN: Like some sort of bubble.

SAM: Ooh.

LIAM: So you think if your bullets were to pierce out through this bubble, they could still go a ways.

TALIESIN: Or I could even put the tip of the gun out of the bubble.

LAURA: Wait, you can shoot into water.

TALIESIN: And fire, but as long-- the combustion has to happen in air.

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, be in a closed airtight space with a firearm, that will do wonders for your ears.

SAM: The firearm.

TALIESIN: How do you even know all this?

TRAVIS: Oh, sorry.

SAM: The firearm has to be enclosed, not you.

TALIESIN: Not me, just the firearm.

SAM: But it would only last one shot. Blow a hole in the side, then water would get out.

TALIESIN: Well, if I could have it around just the combustion point, and have the barrel sticking out of the point, that might be a thing.

SAM: That might be something we could try to make, I suppose.

TALIESIN: Out of what?

SAM: We could take apart Trinket. That's your bear, right?

TALIESIN: We're not taking apart the bear.

SAM: That's your robot bear. We could take apart that.

LAURA: He's a real bear, Tary, he's a real bear.

SAM: Oh, well then, never mind.


TRAVIS: Could you make some sort of cavernous hole out of Doty's chest?

SAM: We don't touch Doty.

TALIESIN: Okay, I've got a crazy idea.

TRAVIS: I mean, I'll touch Doty, but--

MATT: What's your crazy idea?

SAM: We lure the Kraken--

LAURA: He's still formulating it.

SAM: -- onto land.

TALIESIN: I wanna, I wanna build--

LAURA: Through a portal, into--

TALIESIN: I wanna build a watertight vest for the guns. Basically just a packet that keeps that section dry. Like a protective-- like a soft bag that is waterproof, that would use some sort of stomach lining of some animal or some leather to build it. I couldn't reload the gun.

MATT: No, you'd probably only get one shot each.

TALIESIN: One shot, or would it just be one shot-- yeah, 'cause it might--

MATT: 'Cause it would pierce the containment.

TALIESIN: Well, like it would-- just around everything but the-- well, the barrel would then have to be--

MATT: The barrel would then fill with water.

TALIESIN: That's--


TALIESIN: One shot each.

SAM: Yes, Antlers?

MARISHA: Respect. Can I imbue one of your mystical coins with one of my spells that we give to other people or is that kind of your thing?

SAM: I mean, if you inspected them, you would know that they say 'T.D.' on them. They're sort of personal to me. I've had them minted.

MARISHA: Oh, sure, yeah. I'm sorry. I'm farsighted. So sorry.

SAM: I don't think that would work. It's sort of a thing that I can do and I'm pretty cool at it.

MARISHA: I did not mean any offense.

SAM: None taken. I respect the question and I respect you wanting to work with someone of my skill set and aptitude. I saw your work back there at the last fight and, well, the gunslinger was rendered useless and everyone else was fighting on the other boat against lesser allies. Uh, enemies, I mean. You and I held off that beast together and it was quite amazing to watch.

MARISHA: I mean, you're gonna take full credit for it later, aren't you?

SAM: I made the kill. It was 100% mine.

MARISHA: All right. No, that's fine. I mean-- you know--

SAM: But you were there and it was a good assist and I appreciate it.

MARISHA: (laughs weakly) Moving on. Back to planning.

TALIESIN: I'm going to need some way of defending myself or I'm going to have to take an animal form.

MARISHA: I could give you an animal form.

TALIESIN: I may have to have an animal form.

TRAVIS: Like what?


TRAVIS: Barracuda!

TALIESIN: It's kind of small, isn't it?

LAURA: A little yellow fish. A little yellow fish that's very friendly.

TALIESIN: A very friendly yellow fish. I was thinking maybe some sort of half-octopus merperson.

TRAVIS: Does that exist?

MARISHA: I've gotta give you something kind of real. Kind of beastly. But it is challenge rating four or lower, which is awesome. That's cool.

TRAVIS: I have a question for you.

MATT: Yes?

TRAVIS: I have two vials of underwater breathing from a long time ago. How long do those last?

MATT: Let me check, actually.

TRAVIS: Like an hour?

SAM: I have a question for you as well.

MATT: All right. What is your question?

SAM: My Rod of Mercurial Form.

MATT: Yes?

SAM: We know that it can turn into a crossbow?

MATT: One hour.

TRAVIS: One hour?

MATT: Yes.

SAM: How many crossbow arrows do I own? Any?

MATT: Yeah, you would have 40.

SAM: 40! Okay, great.

MATT: They're just regular bolts. They're bolts, not arrows.

SAM: Thank you.

MATT: You're welcome.

TRAVIS: Do we know if the kraken is considered, Thordak-sized or, humongous?

MATT: You have no idea, but the stories say immense.

TRAVIS: Immense.

MATT: Yes.

TALIESIN: They could take down a ship, right?

MATT: Yeah, from what you've heard.

LIAM: Yeah, I mean, fairy tales tell about them pulling ships under the water, breaking them in half.

LAURA: I have a little poison bolt. Do you want one? I've just been holding onto it. If you have a crossbow?

SAM: Yes, I would love that. Thank you. How much do I owe you for it?

LAURA: 50,000 gold.

SAM: It seems like you're just fucking with me.

(all laugh)

TALIESIN: He's catching on.

SAM: Let's call it an even five gold.

LAURA: Hm, I'll take it. I was just gonna gift it to you, but I'll take the gold.

SAM: Well, I don't want there to be any sort of implied favors or anything that I have to return later. If you're all right with it, I'd like to just keep this business, thank you.

LAURA: I do still want an Alter Self coin.

SAM: I mean, are we doing that? I can do four of those Alter Self coins.

TRAVIS: Would that take away the speed halving? If we had webbed hands and feet, would that--

MATT: Yeah, you'd then have normal speed through the water.

LAURA: See, that's pretty great.

MATT: For the record, with swimming, you're essentially flying, too, I mean, as far as in water. You can swim in an up and down direction as well.

LAURA: That's cool.

TALIESIN: When I'm an animal, none of my bonuses--

TRAVIS: Right. So, Boots of Feral Leaping, I don't really-- unless we're on the bottom of the ocean.

MATT: It's not gonna help you.

TRAVIS: Right.

MARISHA: You keep your bonuses.

TALIESIN: My bonuses stay. So, my vestige will actually--

MARISHA: Yeah.MARISHA: I think so. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

TALIESIN: We'll find out, I suppose.

MATT: If what?

TALIESIN: If the vestiges will be functional while I'm in animal form.

MARISHA: Wait, we're still underwater, right?

(garbled underwater speech)

LAURA: Yeah, all of this conversation has been happening underwater. We're surfacing and talking and going back under.

SAM: Yeah, we're treading water.

MATT: The target's gear melds into the new form. The target can't activate, wield, or otherwise benefit from any of its equipment.

MARISHA: With Animal Shapes?

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: So, you can't benefit from your equipment.

MATT: Right.

LIAM: Does that negate all my class boosting and all that?

MATT: All that you get in the form of the creature. If you become a creature that has an armor class of 11, you have an armor class of 11.

LIAM: What about these merpeople?

MATT: Alter Self, you keep all your stuff and just gain the ability to swim underwater.

MARISHA: And it's our movement speed, which isn't very fast.

MATT: Correct, but it's better than half your movement speed.

MARISHA: Correct.

MATT: Which is really not very fast. So your call.

MARISHA: Could killer whales give us a movement speed of 60 swim feet?

TRAVIS: We're not fucking whales.

TALIESIN: I'm turning into one.

MARISHA: He was into sharks, but he has something against whales.

LIAM: I mean, don't knock it.

TRAVIS: (whale noises)

MARISHA: They're faster.

LAURA: Are they?

MARISHA: Yeah, they are.

LAURA: Yeah, but what if the kraken sees it?

MARISHA: It says in the book that they are definitely faster.

TRAVIS: Maybe orcas, but they're not whales, right?

TALIESIN: They're not actually whales. They're orca.

TRAVIS: They're like porpoises and shit.

TALIESIN: They-- yeah, like with cool tattooing.

MARISHA: You guys were down with manatees, but have something against killer whales? I feel like our priorities are off.

TALIESIN: Look, we can have different animals. Like, he can shark and I can whale.

LIAM: Also, I know it's always been a waste of time, our planning, but we're not even talking about what we're going to try to do. Are we going to try to distract this fucker and take his lodes or--

MARISHA: I mean, if we use Pass Without A Trace, right?

LAURA: Yeah?

MARISHA: I mean, Pass Without A Trace should still work underwater. If we're all something super stealthy, we move super fast, get there, and get out.

LAURA: Let me make sure Pass Without A Trace is not concentration.

TRAVIS: Important question. Do we know if the elemental plane is more like the waters off the Cayman Islands and it's crystal clear for hundreds of feet or is it like more murky, boggish Louisiana, Gulf of Mexico-type water?

MARISHA: It seems like it's Marianas Trench levels. Seems like--

MATT: Yeah, it's pretty dark. From what you've heard and what they've talked about, the Water Elemental Plane, most of it feels like you're a mile beneath the surface of the ocean.

LIAM: Oh, shit.

LAURA: We have to be animals that can grab things.

TRAVIS: Light is also important.

MATT: There is a little bit of light that comes through. You do have some visibility, though the source is difficult to really ascertain.

MARISHA: Here's my thought. Certain of us are gonna be better under the water with our natural forms and some of us aren't. Half of us go... (laughs)

SAM: Ooh, I like this. She is smart.

MARISHA: Half of us are animals. The other half can ride them in our Alter Self forms like a SeaWorld show.

SAM: Yes, yes, absolutely. I volunteer to be a rider or a captain of the ship sort of.

TALIESIN: If we throw a little bit of rope together, we can make some quite harnesses, including harnesses that include a little bit of a netting for the stones as we get them.

SAM: A harness around the big man? I think that would be quite a formidable steed.

TRAVIS: You back the fuck up right now.

SAM: All right. Just strategizing, chum.

TRAVIS: I understand that.

MARISHA: Because I can Alter Self at will and you have to take a spell slot, or can you do it at will?

SAM: I don't know what "at will" means, but I'm very impressed.


TRAVIS: That's not a terrible idea, 'cause I'm gonna be able to do dick diddly shit in there. That's, like, zero.

MARISHA: It means one of us might have to borrow your bag of holding.

TRAVIS: No, I'm out. (laughter) I'll stay on the land.

MARISHA: Tary, you had a bag of holding, right?

SAM: I do.

MARISHA: All right!

SAM: What do we need it for? Oh, to put the--

MARISHA: The lode stones in.

SAM: The things in that we're finding. Oh, yes, yes, of course and they would be great keepsakes.

MARISHA: No, you cannot keep them.

SAM: Oh, well, if we find an extra one, perhaps I could take that back as a--

LIAM: Question.

SAM: Yes?

LIAM: I'm obviously a fan of stealth, right? But when we go in there and it all fucks up like it does nine times out of ten and the thing sees us anyway, what are we doing?



LIAM: Without the lodes? With the lodes?

TALIESIN: Well, those of us who can swim quite quickly will try and evade. We'll try and hide and keep looking for them.

LAURA: Distract him.

LIAM: But we don't wanna hurt this thing, so what are we doing? Interference and distract and a couple of us try to smash and grab?

TRAVIS: Yeah, diversion.

TALIESIN: Diversion, scatter, grab, and run.


LAURA: Only attack if truly necessary.

SAM: New guy here--

TRAVIS: Bait. I like it. Way to volunteer, captain.

SAM: No, nope, nope. New guy here, just a process question. I'm new to these sort of strategy "seshes" that you guys have. Is this how it always is, with people just throwing out random bad ideas constantly for, like, 15 minutes?

LIAM: Yeah.

TALIESIN: That's about right.

LIAM: We do that and then we kind of take it like jazz on the day, you know?

SAM: Wow, because I really-- this is a big fight for me. I've never fought anything quite so big. Is there a chance that we might perish?


TALIESIN: Pretty good.

TRAVIS: No, we're fine.

SAM: Because it doesn't seem like we have a good plan right now.

TALIESIN: Well, that's the thing about these sorts of encounters, is that any plan you have is pretty much going to be out the window the minute you see it anyway.

SAM: All right.

LIAM: If it makes you feel any better, this feels less asinine than many things that we've done before.

SAM: That does make me feel better.

LAURA: It's true. Half of us are animals, half of us are riders.

TALIESIN: Half more a plan than we normally have.

LIAM: I once teleported into the belly of a dragon with another jackass and that went tits up fast.

SAM: That sounds like the stupidest fucking plan I've ever heard.

LIAM: I'm still breathing.


TALIESIN: It's much like those people who give you instructions of how to survive an encounter with a tiger. It's that, you think about it, but you've never actually met anybody who's said, "Yes, I've met a tiger, that's exactly what I did and I'm fine." No, anybody who does that's probably been eaten anyway. It's a terrible idea. You don't try and look bigger, you don't do any of that. You're gonna get eaten.

MARISHA: It's true.

SAM: I've read some of those.

TALIESIN: You survive an encounter by a tiger by running really quickly in the other direction or hopefully hacking it to death before it kills you.

SAM: All right.

LIAM: You know, just between you and me, this does sound really fucking stupid.

MARISHA: Tigers aren't that bad.

TALIESIN: Well, it was just my suggestion.

TRAVIS: So, if four of us are fast water creatures, right? Something that swims quick? What's our diversion? I volunteer as tribute.

MARISHA: Well, if you drop back down to zero hit points, you'll revert back to your normal form, being able to water breathe, full hit points.

TRAVIS: That would be a bad case scenario, 'cause I'm really slow, in that case.


TRAVIS: All sorts of fucked.

MARISHA: Uh-huh.

TRAVIS: How many hit points does a killer whale have?


TRAVIS: Oh, god, I thought you said nine. I nearly shit my pants.


TALIESIN: Let's see, what can we do?

MARISHA: I don't know if there's anything else better.

LAURA: The thing is, the kraken might be able to swallow you whole, Grog.

LIAM: Yeah.

TRAVIS: They have mouths?

LAURA: I don't know how big they are.

TRAVIS: No, they have tentacles.

LAURA: No, but they've got-- Don't they have beaks, like a squid?

TRAVIS: I didn't hear anything about a beak or a mouth.

LIAM: Who hasn't seen a drawing of a squid or a kraken in a fairy tale book? They're disgusting.


TALIESIN: Maybe-- we have one night. Maybe I could try and craft some sort of concussion explosive.

MARISHA: I also don't want you tired tomorrow.

TALIESIN: It wouldn't probably hurt it, but it would at least maybe shock it. Give it a-- stun it? To just blow something up underwater?

MARISHA: There's something that I want to try really quick, if you guys could back up or maybe get out of the water. I want to see if I can cast spells underwater.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah. I'm out.

TALIESIN: Well, all right.

MARISHA: I also want to see what lightning does, so if you don't want to get electrocuted.

LIAM: As soon as those two start talking about that, I get out of the water and start attuning the Deathwalker's Ward to lightning.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Very clever.

MARISHA: I love that this is all under the assumption that we just had this planning sesh underwater.

LAURA: No, we were treading water.

MARISHA: Oh, we're treading. Okay.

TRAVIS: I'm staying in the water because I wanna feel the lightning.

MARISHA: You wanna see?

TALIESIN: You wanna ride the lightning.


MARISHA: I'm gonna tread back from Grog, go underwater, and I'm gonna do a Call Lightning bolt. See what happens.

MATT: Okay, Call Lightning, let me check real fast. Yes, okay. So, you begin to speak underwater. (burbling noises) Spell isn't coalescing.

LAURA: Oh, no!

MARISHA: Yeah, that's what I was curious about. That's exactly what I wanted. All right, then how about this? I take out my Spire and I do a Chain Lightning out of the Spire.

MATT: Do Chain Lightning out of the Spire? As you concentrate on the staff, the lightning arcs out of the staff and ends up searing and burning a small section of the floating kelp vines that are wandering up there.


MATT: Clears a little area.

MARISHA: So I can cast out of the Spire. And-- cool. While I'm under there, I want to Beast Shape into a killer whale.

MATT: Okay. You turn into a killer whale. You are-- it is about 15 feet deep, so you are occupying a large portion of the water nearby. It's really hard to swim in this vicinity, especially with the density of kelp in the center of this dip.

MARISHA: I goose Grog a little bit from underneath.

TRAVIS: (yelps) I punch it.

(all laugh)

MATT: Okay, roll for an attack.

TRAVIS: I was watching, but not that close. That scared me, I'm sorry.

TALIESIN: It's okay, it's an animal that already has a black eye.

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

MARISHA: It's fine. (laughs)


MATT: Okay. So, with your strength bonus--

MARISHA: (laughs) Uh, yeah. That definitely hits.

MATT: -- you, (laughs), let's see. What's your strength bonus?

TRAVIS: Eight.

MATT: Yeah, so you take, we'll say, nine points of bludgeoning damage as Grog just smacks you in the nose.

LIAM: Right in the blubber.

TALIESIN: To be fair, no worse than anything that happens to a killer whale at SeaWorld at that point.

MARISHA: (laughs)

TRAVIS: Oh, that's terrible.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I went there, I'm so sorry. It's been there, I'm sorry!

LAURA: Is there some sort of Alter Self spell that--

MARISHA: (groans) Oh, no.

LIAM: Change his alignment!

MARISHA: Oh, no.

TALIESIN: My personal alignment is already so far down.

LIAM: (laughs)

LAURA: Yeah, no, yeah, you're right.

MATT: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MARISHA: I drop form out of shame.

(all laugh)


TRAVIS: Were you gonna-- you were gonna check your speed or something?

SAM: Oh.

MARISHA: Well, I'm in like a tank.


MARISHA: Which is even worse, I know! This feels tactless, I'm out!

(all laugh)

TALIESIN: Shit got real on Critical Role.

LAURA: I like how SeaWorld is was what was our line. Of tactless.

TALIESIN: Yeah. Oh no, I know what--

MARISHA: That's a good point!

TRAVIS: All right Jesus Christ, let's move on!

TALIESIN: I know where my money is going at the end of the evening.

LAURA: Is there an Alter Self sort of spell that could make you be able to speak underwater? Is there anything that you can do that allows for speech?

MARISHA: Well, if I do Alter Self--

SAM: Did you do Alter Self just now?

MARISHA: Let me actually try that. I Alter Self.

TRAVIS: Yeah. Oh. No polymorph.

MARISHA: To be able to give myself--

MATT: Gills, right.

MARISHA: Gills, and like, fins and stuff, and then-- now can I cast?

MATT: Unfortunately, because there's still water passing through your throat and vocal cords. If you get a full breath of air, you can get one spell off. And technically, with your breathing the water underneath, because you already had the gills in, it didn't work. You get a breath of air, and you cast the spell as the air leaves your lungs, but once you cast the spell, the air is gone.

SAM: No more spells.

LAURA: What about merpeople? How do they talk to each other?

(SAM making dolphin noises)

LAURA: Are there really merpeople? There are merpeople.

LIAM: Frog sacs?

TALIESIN: They have a different larynx system.

TRAVIS: Dry-erase boards.

TALIESIN: (laughs) Wet-erase boards.

(all laugh)

TALIESIN: I deserved what happened below the table. Last weird question, would it be possible-- could I basically just make a bag of air that we could carry that she could breathe in and have to breathe it in before casting the spell. Is that nuts?

SAM: Well, if I may. The big fellow over there said that he had some sort of vials that you could breathe air out of. Is that true?

TRAVIS: They're supposed to let you breathe underwater. I don't know if it pumps your guts full of air or anything.

SAM: May I examine it?

LAURA: It's Water Breathing, it's the spell Water Breathing.

MARISHA: Yeah, what about my Water Breathing--

SAM: No, it's not.

MARISHA: -- we should still be able to talk?

MATT: Water Breathing you can breathe the water, but when you still--

MARISHA: Okay, but you can't go (garbled underwater noises).

MATT: -- but you can't, yeah. It's still water passing through the vocal cords--

SAM: What is the thing that you have?

MATT: -- which doesn't have the vibration to make the same sound.

MARISHA: I think it's a potion of waterbreathing.

LAURA: What if we use some sort of--

TRAVIS: Underwater breathing.

LAURA: -- cap, right? On Grog's jug. And it just makes air!

SAM: Hm.

LIAM: Not a bad thought.

TALIESIN: Make a skin.

MARISHA: Could I speak into the jug-- clearly.

TALIESIN: I was gonna say we could make a diving bell. But it would be very hard to travel with, but we could make a micro diving bell.

LAURA: (laughs)

MARISHA: What is a diving bell?

TRAVIS: You guys, this is getting dumber and dumber. We will have a movement speed of one.

TALIESIN: It's basically an upside-down pot that you stick your head in and you take a big breath of air, but the problem is moving with it is bad.

TRAVIS: We can't move it.

LAURA: Okay, okay, okay.

TRAVIS: It'll go straight to the bottom.

MARISHA: Killer whales?


LAURA: Whales and riders.

MARISHA: And-- all right. Who's whales, who's riders?


TRAVIS: Whale.

LIAM: Rider.


LAURA: I guess I'll be a whale. Or Trinket could be a whale!

MARISHA: Trinket could be a whale.

TALIESIN: Or a shark.

LAURA: I will ride Trinket.

TRAVIS: Well, it needs to be one of you two.

TALIESIN: You might want to go shark for one of them.

TRAVIS: Trinket needs to go in the necklace 'cause of the odd man out.

SAM: Please don't leave me behind.

MARISHA: I thought you were being a rider.

SAM: I would love to, but, there's no one to ride.

LAURA: Can't we have two people on one whale? I feel like whales are very large.

SAM: That makes sense.

MATT: You could muster that, yes.



TALIESIN: Especially if it's just handles, if it's just like hanging onto a piece of rope.

MARISHA: All right, let's go eat food.

MATT: All right. You guys make your way out of the small kelp farming area, eventually back to complete your-- you're doing a Heroes' Feast?


MATT: Okay, so mark--

LAURA: But like ice cream, and donuts, like a midnight snack kind of.

TRAVIS: Easy, psycho.

MATT: That is totally doable.

LAURA: Like, waffles and--

MARISHA: Hot fudge sundae.


LIAM: This is the meal I was waiting on.

TALIESIN: A Heroes' Sundae Bar.

LAURA: Mm-hm.

MATT: The finest of gluttonous sweets available in Tal'Dorei are summoned upon this fine mahogany table that thrusts itself out of the sand. Everyone in the vicinity steps back and kind of, "Ooh, ahh," at this display of unexpected magic. Other folks step forward to try and take a piece from it, before somebody else stops them with a hand, "It's not for you!" You guys spend the next hour eating your meal, and gain the benefits of your Heroes' Feast!

(all cheer)

MATT: So let's go ahead and--


TALIESIN: (sings Zelda music)

LIAM: That's extra hit points, yeah?

LAURA: Mm-hm!

LIAM: How many?

MARISHA: 2d10--

MATT: Yeah, Marisha rolls for you guys--

LIAM: Roll for all of us.

MARISHA: -- which I will roll for you right now, and we-- both are cocked. (singsong) Landed on the side. That one-- is that still cocked?

TALIESIN: That's cocked.

MARISHA: God damn it.

TRAVIS: Take some of the dice out of your box.

MARISHA: Shut up! An extra 11.

MATT: All right. So, 11 extra hit points to all you guys. Including Trinket, who scarfs up happily at the table.

LAURA: Yeah!

TALIESIN: 11 hit points

LIAM: No fear, no poison, advantage on saves, isn't it?

MARISHA: Wisdom saves.

LIAM: Wisdom saves.

MATT: Wisdom saves.

TALIESIN: Wisdom saves. Advantage. No fear. No poison.

MARISHA: No fear, no poison, 2d10.

LAURA: Lovely. All right.

MATT: You got it.

TRAVIS: Are we supposed to go research the lode stones before we go to bed, right? The ones that are failing?

LAURA: Oh, maybe we could do it in the morning?

MATT: The morning is what you were told.


MATT: Going to bring you to the Aerie of Torrent.

TALIESIN: Are they heavy or are they light?

LAURA: We'll find out.

MATT: So. As you guys are brought to your sleeping quarters, which are these semi-private huts elevated above the water, so they are actually about half a foot above the surface. You are each given a small chest, a soaked damp chest like the wood itself is just waterlogged through and through. As you open it, on the inside each of you receive what looks to be a leather band, with a circular stone affixed to the center of it.

LAURA: If this is going to make us be able to fucking talk underwater--

MARISHA: Oh, that will be super frustrating if we just took all that time. Or if this is one of those--

TALIESIN: Vox Machina, solving problems that don't need to be solved.

MARISHA: Solved-- making problems complicated for five years.

TRAVIS: Why don't we put it on and see what it does?


MATT: Okay. What do you do? There's a cluster of them at various--

TRAVIS: Does the leather band attach at either end?

MATT: It has almost like a rudimentary belt clasp on both sides

TRAVIS: I'm going to put it around my neck like a dog collar, and I'm going to lay down in the water face first.

MATT: Okay, it warms as it touches the outside of the neck and it feels like there's a very loose-- almost a vibration to it.

LAURA: (gasps) Talk, Grog!

TRAVIS: (distorted, vibrational voice) This is really cool!

(all laugh)

TALIESIN: I put my ear in the water to see if I can hear him.

MATT: It does transfer your voice through the water.

LAURA: That's awesome! What a waste of (sings) fucking time!

TRAVIS: But, but--

MARISHA: That's great.

MATT: (laughs) You didn't go back to--

TRAVIS: But does it remedy the spell problem?

LAURA: Yeah.


LIAM: Welcome to the cool kids' table, Tary.

MARISHA: It does.

LAURA: It does.

MATT: Yeah, it does.

SAM: It's amazing.

MATT: You guys can talk under water. There is still a limitation to the distance you travel 'cause sound is, you know.

TALIESIN: Best of the best.

MATT: Actually, no sorry, the sound does travel further.

TALIESIN: It does.

MATT: Underwater. Conduit.

LAURA: Oh. So we have to be super quiet.

MATT: However, you also look within the case and each of them has what looks to be spherical, somewhat see-through domes of some glass-like material.

LAURA: (gasps)

MATT: You are also affixed with goggles, and you remember, looking back, you saw some of the people who were part of the troop here, especially the guardians on the outside of the city, had the same similar goggle sets hanging around their neck.

LIAM: Get the fuck out!

LAURA: This is awesome!

TALIESIN: Hello, water-based culture, would you happen to have some goggles lying around we could borrow, maybe something that's to communicate underwater, I don't know?

LIAM: (makes ding noises to mimic hitting glass dome)

MARISHA: We totally didn't.

MATT: Nobody asked-- but they were provided.

MARISHA: We should have asked what equipment was available.

(all laugh)

MATT: These are standard given to the Waveriders, the guardians that look on the outskirts of Vesrah.

LAURA: What a fucking idiot.

MARISHA: I feel stupid.

LIAM: (gong noise)

MATT: (laughs)

TRAVIS: Tary Jumbo--

LAURA: We don't have giant domes on our heads.

LIAM: I do.

(all laugh)

TRAVIS: I just thought of one thing for you, right? I went fishing this one time--

MATT: Just goggles.

TRAVIS: -- and the lure that I had was really shiny and sparkly, like fish love sparkly things in the water. And I'm just noticing now that you are really shiny and sparkly kind of all over.


SAM: Like a lure?


TALIESIN: I was actually just contemplating that, because you know how frustrated you get opening up a crab when you're going to eat it--

TRAVIS: I lost you at like the third word.

TALIESIN: I wonder, would it be ironic if the kraken gets frustrated trying to peel off the armor? It'd just be a wonderful irony. I'm so sorry, sir.

LIAM: I mean, that's funny, but it doesn't sound safe.


TRAVIS: What if we paint you in like black paint, or poo.

MARISHA: Oh yeah, and that will immediately go away--

LAURA: Oh yeah, that's smart.

MARISHA: As we go underwater.


TRAVIS: All right, paint it is. Or tar.

LAURA: Alter Self?

TRAVIS: Should we tar him?

MARISHA: If you Alter Self, right?

TALIESIN: I don't know. Let's--

MARISHA: Can you make yourself darkish?

LAURA: Maybe you should be a whale.

TALIESIN: Just not reflective.

SAM: I don't like any of this. When I was treading water before, was it difficult in armor? Was it--

MATT: Yeah!

(all laugh)

SAM: And if I were to remove my armor, would I be weak and squishy?

TRAVIS: You already are.

MATT: Yes.

(all laugh)

MATT: That's a valid point.

TALIESIN: That's a very fair point.

MATT: You have a breastplate, right?

SAM: Uh-huh.

MATT: Actually, it's heavy, but it's not super impeding you. It's heavy, but from a mechanical standpoint, it doesn't make it more difficult for you to swim. It's just more of a [heavy breathing]. Yeah.

SAM: But it's shiny.

MATT: It is shiny. Your armor is shiny.

TRAVIS: What if we put you, like, in a potato sack? So, you've still got your armor but it just doesn't twinkle.

LIAM: That's not a bad idea at all.

TALIESIN: He is not wrong, and that's not a bad idea.

LAURA: Is there any burlap around?

SAM: I have a robe, I have a robe.

MARISHA: Oh, okay.

SAM: I can just wrap myself in my robe.

LIAM: It's not just as flashy as the armor though, is it?

SAM: It has some colorful patches on it, yes. But they're not shiny.

LAURA: What if I stitch up the front?

TRAVIS: No, no. Potato sack.

LAURA: I just would hate for it to open up. I'm just gonna-- do you mind? If I just--

MARISHA: Well, if it's dark--

SAM: Stitch up the front of my robe?

LAURA: I'm really good at sewing

TRAVIS: Better not be flashy

SAM: All right, I would, yes, thank you.

LAURA: Yeah, I stitch up the front.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Thank you.

LAURA: It'll be like a choir robe for you.

LIAM: Good idea, Grog.

LAURA: Yeah, that was smart.

SAM: Thank you so much.

TRAVIS: Thanks. I go fishing a lot.

SAM: You lot are taking good care of me. I appreciate that. Thank you. This is going to be fun! Right? Tomorrow?

LAURA: Fun, fun, fun!


SAM: Yes?

LIAM: Scary fun.

TALIESIN: Scary fun.

SAM: All right.

MARISHA: So much fun.

TALIESIN: Technically speaking, we can't quite feel fear at the moment, can we? Or is it just a general malaise of fear?

[all laugh]

MARISHA: Yeah, I like, I like the latter. Malaise of fear.

LAURA: I start working on the robe.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: Really ugly stitches.

MATT: Yeah, it's, I mean, it takes you awhile to get through the whole robe and get it done, and it's functional more than visually appealing. But you get the job done.

SAM: This reminds me of one of my caretakers when I was younger, stitching up some of my play clothes. It's a nice feeling. Thank you so much.

LAURA: You're welcome, darling.

MARISHA: While they're winding down, can I sneak away and see if I can find Uvenda?

MATT: Sure! It's not too difficult. She's in the same seat, snoring loudly, while two of her guardians stand at the side with their thin, polearm-like blades just watching as you approach, and she's just like (snores).

MARISHA: I turn to her guards and say, Do I wake her up? Does she not like being-- I don't want to be rude! But I kinda need to talk to her and I'm only here for a few more hours, and I--

MATT: One of them takes his bladed trident and hits her just gently on the side with the butt of it. She goes (snorts awake).

MARISHA: Ah, that's how you do it.

MATT: “Ugh, yes, young Keyleth, hm.”


MATT: She leans forward, putting on the presentation, but you can hear just that slight undertone of frustration. “What can I do for you?”

MARISHA: Uh, yeah. I was just curious. I'm so sorry, first off--

MATT: “Keep talking, please. What do you want?”

(all laugh)

MARISHA: You mentioned that there were only remnants of my mother that came back. Was she defeated by the kraken, or do you think this was from another means? Do you have any more information on her?

MATT: “Child. There was little left of her and her allies. We found other pieces of her friends, but, pieces. Her leg was all we found. We could not recover much else, but the sea floor is littered with the many corpses and pieces of the kraken's various prey. It does not take much to ascertain the nature of her end.”

MARISHA: And you're sure of this? This is what the kraken does to people?

MATT: “What it does to anything that crosses its path. It eats to survive.”

MARISHA: Hm. I was just wondering. If there was any other potential explanation or--?

MATT: “I'm sure there is. There are many potential possibilities for anything that happens. I only have the information I was able to glean from the various scouts and teams.”

MARISHA: How long ago was this?

MATT: “This was four, five years back?"

MARISHA: Really? All right. That's not that long, really. Did she stay long?

MATT: “A few days. Prepared to the journey much like you did. That was the last we saw of them.”

MARISHA: All right. I was just curious. Thank you.

MATT: “I wish I had different news for you.”

MARISHA: Did you keep anything? From what you found?

MATT: Her head turns curiously, “I fear I did not. “


MATT: “We gave a quiet burial to what we were able to recover, but that's all.”

MARISHA: Well, I appreciate that much. Thank you for doing that.

MATT: “Of course, and once again, I am sorry for your loss, Keyleth.”

MARISHA: Oh. It's part of the duty.

MATT: “Yes. Yes, it is.”

MARISHA: Well, I should be getting my rest.

MATT: “Yes, you should.”

MARISHA: Yeah, big day! Swimming! Lots of calories! I'm gonna go now.

MATT: “Yes."

MARISHA: All right, bye.

MATT: “Yes, you will. Goodbye.”

MARISHA: Goodnight.

MATT: (snores) Just conks right out again. Anything else you guys wish to do for the evening?

LIAM: Well, I'm gonna follow Keyleth back to our room.

MATT: Mm-hm.

LIAM: You all right?

MARISHA: Did you just follow me? Were you following me just now?

LIAM: No, I was waiting outside the door.

MARISHA: Oh! All right, okay, yeah. Sorry. No, I'm good, I'm good.

LIAM: I've seen the trouble behind your eyes all day, not surprisingly, yeah?

MARISHA: I'm great.

LIAM: Yeah?


LIAM: Okay.

MARISHA: A lot, yeah. A lot riding on this, but-- A little surreal that we're here.

LIAM: Long time coming.


LIAM: You know, you were already a river to your people.


LIAM: I know that your life has built up to this moment in many respects. But your father is very proud of you. You've already done a lot. You silenced that dragon. You've done a lot.

MARISHA: I'm just glad I have you all.

LIAM: You know, I know that you struggle with doubt, and I don't think it's ever gonna go away for any of us. Especially for you. I think that's part of the job you're getting ready for. But I don't see it as a weakness. You know, all this time I've remembered Uriel. I'm not big on monarchies and the like, but I liked him.

MARISHA: He was a good man.

LIAM: Yeah. May his soul rest. And he had doubts. And he let them inform his decisions, and tried to do what was right. And the questions you have, I think they speak to your character.

MARISHA: Uriel was also blinded by his unknowance of a lot of problems, so I just hope I don't follow in his footsteps in that regard.

LIAM: Well, all the matters is what we leave behind us when we go. You've already done a lot of good. And you've taught me to be happy again. I'm very grateful to you. So, thank you.

MARISHA: Thank you. For believing in me.

LIAM: You make that easy.

MARISHA: Anyway, we should get some sleep. It's a big day tomorrow.

LIAM: Yeah.You know, I noticed, about a week ago? You were curious about my wings. I shoot them out.

MARISHA: Heehee, hee. I pet them a little.

LIAM: We have one hour. Fade to feathers.

LAURA: (gasps)

(all laugh)

LAURA: (beatboxing)

SAM: Skyfuck!

LAURA: Oh, shit!

TRAVIS: I just want Vax and Keyleth to do the original Superman movie dialogue while he and Lois are flying.

MARISHA: Oh god, that weird poetry!

(all laugh)

LAURA: Oh yeah--

TRAVIS: 'Can you hear my thoughts?'

MATT: Just like slow narration of Keyleth disembodied as they're both just flying over Vesrah at night.

TALIESIN: I have a thing just for you.

MARISHA: Is he God?

TRAVIS: 'Can you read my mind?'

(all laugh)

MATT: Perfect.

LIAM: I don't think they went anywhere.

Matt: That's perfect.

TALIESIN: Just for you! Pass that down later.

MATT: All righty, so! Anyone else doing anything else?

TALIESIN: I'm collecting some seashells, and taking a bit of a walk.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Derp.

TALIESIN: And eventually, we're chilling.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: I'm gonna brush Trinket

MATT: (disgruntled bear noises)

LAURA: You need it! You're dirty!

(all laugh)

MATT: (more disgruntled bear noises) It's various knots and seawater clusters--

LAURA: Yeah. Just gross.

MATT: It's just not fun. All right, so morning comes to, the sun rises, it's a warm day. But the waters are crystalline and beautiful as soon as you step out. And since you haven't been here during the daytime, you can see it's a paradise-like existence. The sands that fall beneath the waves are white, just bright bleached white, and the entire city seems like the middle of this distant, tropical paradise. The islands that do kind of flank in a triangular position, as the islands of Anamn, they are just lush and green and dense. You see no signs of civilization built across them. They are just unending canopies that swarm these masses of land that break past the ocean's surface in the distance, but here in Vesrah, the city cluster, it's beautiful. The water has almost a turquoise-type shimmer when you see the areas that are deeper. And you see, in various sections, where the sand drifts away, the sandbank vanishes into the reef, and there you can see just an array of colors that refract beneath the water's surface, as a gentle breeze kind of blows through in sections.

LIAM: I want to go to there.

MATT: It's beautiful.

LAURA: I want to spend the morning, before anyone else gets up, standing on the edge of the water and like letting my toes sink deeper and deeper as the waves--

LIAM: That's nice.

MATT: Okay. You guys eventually gather your way for a morning meal, and you can see in the distance now some of the Waverunners are doing perimeters. And you can see that they have large sails that are up on these triangular-like pointed boards that curve up into horn-like javelins in the front, and they are coasting on them. Basically surfing across the waves in the distance, doing runs around the perimeter of the reef.

LAURA: That's fucking sick!

MARISHA: That's so cool!

LIAM: Cool!

MATT: And they are wearing the same goggles and the same throat pieces you were given.


MATT: This is part of the standard equipment that is given to the Waveriders as they check on the outside and the vicinity of--

LIAM: That one looks like Keanu Reeves! And that one looks like Patrick Swayze!

(all laugh)

SAM: [Keanu Reeves as Johnny Utah impression] He's not comin' back.

MATT: It's a clear sky, not a cloud visible. Beautiful blue above you. What do you do to prepare?

LIAM: Oh, Jesus.

MARISHA: Oh, I find Uvenda.

MATT: Okay. She's actually already waiting for you, as you guys-- she's been up, earlier than you were, and--

MARISHA: I take some time in my morning prep to do a little meditation, and I take my flame hands and I do some like, traditional Ashari war paint, kinda thing, going on.


LAURA: Nice.


MATT: Nice, okay.

MARISHA: Yeah. Oh, yeah.

TALIESIN: Are we bringing the bear?

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: We're bringing the bear.

LAURA: Trinket's gonna be a whale.


TALIESIN: All right.

LIAM: Hopefully the whole time

MARISHA: As long as he doesn't hit zero hit points, then he won't turn into a bear. But he has water breathing!

LAURA: If he hits zero, okay, I have a question.

MATT: Yes.

LAURA: If he hits zero hit points--

MARISHA: As a whale.

LAURA: Does he go into the--


SAM: Trinket-form.

MATT: The form reverts--

LAURA: Would revert, and then--

MATT: Becomes Trinket at full hit points, carrying over any damage that happens. And remember only Trinket's, or any of your natural form, maintains the bonus hit points from your Heroes' Feast. Your animal form does not.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: So, you just have the base hit points of whatever creature form you take, and once you go to zero and revert back to yourself, or just revert back to yourself, then you have your hit points plus the Heroes' Feast.

LIAM: And gameplay mechanics, can Trinket get walloped so hard that it passes all of his new form, plus Trinket form, and take him out?

MATT: If it was a shit-ton of damage, yeah.

LAURA: It would have to be 150 points of damage. Thereabouts, 160.

TALIESIN: Is it possible to grab a spare set of goggles and choker, just in case?

MATT: Asking around--

TALIESIN: We'll return them all.

MATT: -- you approach Uvenda to ask this question. Even as you approach, they're looking out in the distance. She says, "Yes, that could be certainly mustered." And she snaps her little gnomish fingers.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

MATT: And one of the guards wanders off, comes back a few moments later and retrieves an extra pair of goggles, and the throat bead.

TALIESIN: Excellent.

MATT: And it's called a throat bead.

ALL: Throat bead.

SAM: How many of us need my coins to become altered?

TRAVIS: I need to be a whale.

MARISHA: That's me.


LIAM: So, riders, show of hands. Rider, rider?

LAURA: I mean, I can just use Water Breathing and cast Pass Without a Trace on us, that's the only thing, is I can't do that if I have Alter Self.

SAM: Oh, well then, I can just--

MARISHA: Well, if you cast Pass Without a Trace, it's a concentration spell--

SAM: You won't be able to swim very fast, though.

LAURA: If what?

SAM: She can't use Alter Self and Pass Without a Trace.

MARISHA: Is Alter Self a concentration spell?

SAM: Yes.

MARISHA: Oh. I could cast Pass Without a Trace, though.

LAURA: Okay.

MARISHA: I did bring it today.

LAURA: Oh, good. All right.

MARISHA: I could-- yeah. Wait.

TRAVIS: Are there any seashells on the floor that I could find? Pretty shells?

TALIESIN: I've already got a small bag of them, if you want to keep them--

TRAVIS: I don't want yours.

MATT: So Alter Self is a what-level spell?

TALIESIN: We could trade later.

MARISHA: One. Two.

MATT: You have three second-level spells you can cast. And two thirds. So you'd have to use one of your third-level spells to do that.

SAM: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Also a skipping stone.


MATT: Technically, you could do--

SAM: I need one for me.

TALIESIN: You didn't think of that, did you?

SAM: So four of them.

MATT: You are correct.

LAURA: You're a rider?

TRAVIS: I'm a whale.

MARISHA: Animal Shapes takes my concentration, so I can't do that. But you could cast it--

SAM: You could just have Water Breathing, and be riding a whale. But if you get tossed from the whale, can you swim?

LAURA: I mean, I can swim. What if you give me the coin--

SAM: And then you can use it if you need it.

LAURA: -- and if things get hairy, then I use it, and then we drop Pass Without a Trace.

TALIESIN: If it's hairy, we won't need Pass Without a Trace at all.

MARISHA: I can go ahead and cast Animal Shapes on her, but it takes a turn, a round, for me to-- an action to change her into something else, so can I cast it on her, but leave her as Vex for now?

LAURA: I'm not gonna be an animal.

MARISHA: No, I know.

MATT: You assume the form of a different creature for the duration. A creature different from herself. Of the beast variety.

MARISHA: Okay. Never mind.

TALIESIN: We've got a plan.

LAURA: We're fine!

MARISHA: 'Cause we need Pass Without a Trace for her, right?

LAURA: Yeah, so I'll get a coin, I'll cast it, go in, if things get bad, I'll use the coin.

MARISHA: You can cast the coin. Okay. All right.

SAM: You're a whale.

TALIESIN: I'm going to be a whale, we've got some rope here, it's going to be your job once I'm a whale to create at least a couple handholds with a harness. You know how to use knots, right, you can do some basic--

SAM: I know every knot in the book.

TALIESIN: I knew you would.

SAM: The double-sloop. The reverse-cowgirl. I know 'em all. I've got the itsy-bitsy spider.

TALIESIN: Keep going.

SAM: I know the rusty trombone. I've got--

LAURA: The old Alaskan pipeline.

SAM: Yep. Got the figure eight, the figure four, the hidden figures.

TALIESIN: The Dallas two-step.

SAM: I've got a bunch of 'em, yep.

TALIESIN: The sweet Caroline?

SAM: Oh, yes. That one. That one's good.

(all laugh)

TALIESIN: Good for tension. I'm also gonna grab-- I should not be allowed to drink this. I'm going to take you aside really quickly and give you the extra set of goggles and the bead.

LIAM: What do you want me to do with these? Just keep them safe?

TALIESIN: Just in case. I'm-- you know how I get with my hunches.

LIAM: Okay.

TALIESIN: You'll know, if we need them, we have them. Just an extra set.

LIAM: All right, Freddy.

MARISHA: Uvenda, these beads.

MATT: "Yes?"

MARISHA: Can you guys also track where we are based on them?

MATT: "No, unfortunately."


MATT: "The magic is only localized."

MARISHA: All right.

MATT: "We've recovered as many as we could from previous scouts that have fallen."

MARISHA: I go ahead and I Druidcraft one of my bark bracelets to put around her. For scrying, if you need it.

MATT: "All right. Thank you."

SAM: Bigly man over there, do you want a coin in case you lose your whale form?


SAM: What about you, Percival?

TALIESIN: I'll take one just in case.

SAM: All right.

TRAVIS: What does it do?

SAM: You say, 'Alter Self!' and slam it against your body and it'll make you with gills and stuff. Does he speak-- he speaks Common, right? He understands what I'm saying?


TRAVIS: What does it do?

SAM: Make big, big hit, say 'Alter Self'--

TRAVIS: What's the matter with you? Why are you talking like that?

TALIESIN: That was everything I could've hoped for.

LIAM: He does speak Fucking-with-you. Very well.

SAM: All right, I guess I'll make four coins.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: And pass them out to Percy, Little Elf Boy, Little Elf Girl, and Jumbo.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: Hi. My name is Vax.

SAM: Oh.

LIAM: That's short for Vax'ildan.

SAM: Have you heard the Legend of Taryon Darrington?

LIAM: From you, yes, I have. It's a good tale.

SAM: Good, then, we're equals.

LIAM: That is my sister. Her name is Vex'ahlia. You can call her Vex. Some people call her Vax.

LAURA: That's true.

SAM: That's very confusing.

LAURA: Yeah, you can call us by anything, we'll both respond.

TALIESIN: At first, yes.

SAM: Okay. Okay. Were your parents fond of you, because to name them that similar would be-- just quite annoying, growing up, you must've gotten confused constantly.

LIAM: I walk away.

(all laugh)

LAURA: I follow suit.

MATT: About this time, as you've seen Uvenda's been looking out patiently, the water nearby at the very edge of one of the reef drop-offs splashes out, and you watch as a figure darts out and lands and shakes off, and what you see there looks to be a very, very dark-skinned, stocky dwarf, wearing the same goggles and throat bead there. "Sorry about the delay." He wanders up and pulls his goggles off and rustles his hair a bit. "Hello. So you're the ones traveling to the Aerie today? Waverider Durent. Pleasure to meet you." And he reaches over and grabs-- as he takes your hand-- you put it out to extend it, he grasps it and gives a firm shake. You see he's got very, very short dirty-blonde hair--

MARISHA: Durent?

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: And a beard that is just tattered and knotted from not being kept or combed through.

MARISHA: So someone you would find at Venice Beach.

MATT: Kind of, yeah. He's the Venice Beach dwarf, basically.

LAURA: (gasps) That's awesome.

MATT: Straight-up, actually, now that you point it out.

LIAM: Just finished going up the ropes and down.

MATT: "All right, I'm taking you down to the Aerie. You ready?"

LAURA: I think so.


MARISHA: Are you gonna be with us the whole time, or are you just getting us there?

MATT: "Well, I'm just getting you to the door."

MARISHA: Of course.

SAM: Wait, there's a door?

TALIESIN: Oh, now we're really in trouble.

LAURA: This is where we're gonna check out the lodestones, before we go through the door.

TRAVIS: Right, yeah. Knew it. Making sure you knew.

MARISHA: There's doors to the other planes. That's our people's job.

MATT: "It's a figure of speech."

SAM: We're going to another plane?

ALL: Yes.

SAM: Oh my. Okay. This is great. This is great.

MATT: "Oh, you look really excited."

SAM: I am.

MATT: "You shouldn't be. Now, come on. See you've got your equipment." And takes his goggles and puts them back on. They're bulbous, they're just these giant domes that make you look fly-like.

TALIESIN: I love it.

LIAM: Nice.

MATT: "Okay. Now. Follow suit." He looks over. "Thank you, Uvenda." "Of course. Take care of them." "That's not my job." And dives into the water.

MARISHA: I go in first.

SAM: Wait, don't you have to make some of us--

MARISHA: Oh, right.

LAURA: No, no, no, wait, how long does it last?

TRAVIS: Right at the fucking start.

MARISHA: Are we doing this now?

LAURA: No, 'cause we can do it underwater, can't we?

MARISHA: Animal Shapes last for 24 hours.

LAURA: Well, let's wait until we're going into the water plane before we turn into fucking whales.

TRAVIS: Don't we have to examine shit first? With our non-flipper hands?

MARISHA: Yeah, he's gonna be showing us the stones first, right? So yeah. Jesus. I go in first.

MATT: All right. So you guys follow suit, diving in, diving in, each one of you in the order you wish, eventually with Doty (splash) just sinking very heavily down after you.

LAURA: He's coming?

SAM: Oh, no.

LAURA: Tary, shouldn't we leave him?

SAM: How deep is this?

MARISHA: I can't-- nope, he's a construct.

MATT: Do you prefer Doty not to?

SAM: I would prefer Doty not come. He can't swim, right?

MATT: No, he can just walk across the bottom.

TRAVIS: We're not going to tell you what to do here.

MATT: Your call.

SAM: I'm a little confused. We're going underwater now, but not to where we're going for the mission?

MATT: Correct.

MARISHA: The portal to the other dimension is underwater and through a rift.

TRAVIS: It's just endless water.

LAURA: Just lots of water.

TRAVIS: No possible-- bottomless.

SAM: All right, then Doty can come this far.

LIAM: To the rift?

SAM: Just to the door.

TRAVIS: We barely knew him. Bring him along.

LIAM: Wait by the gate. Like a butler.

SAM: Yes.

TRAVIS: That was quick.

LAURA: What if he gets rusty?

SAM: I hadn't thought of that.

LAURA: It might be smart to not have him join us.

TALIESIN: The rusty Doty's another knot that you know.

LAURA: Just leave him behind.

SAM: The rusty Doty?

(all laugh)

MATT: What's your plan? Yes or no?

SAM: Doty, you should stay behind.

MATT: Goes to jump, like--

SAM: Stay behind, and just take atmospheric notes, you know. Time of day, position of sun. Type of clouds. And if anyone tries to steal my stuff, describe them very well in the book.

MATT: A little seagull flies overhead.

(all laugh)

SAM: It's all for color, for the book, you know.

MATT: Another one. Just taking very, very good notes.

SAM: Two chapters of seagull flight patterns.

MARISHA: You're gonna have an excellent book on the mating habits of seagulls when you get back.

MATT: Eat your heart out, Darwin. Doty's on the case.

TRAVIS: Oh my god.

LIAM: Love you, Matt.

MATT: It's ridiculous. So you guys all eventually dive into the water, and as you do, you look down and there is essentially a 40-foot-wide gap in the beach here, just barely submerged beach, that coasts down and drops off directly down into this cylindrical section that is just open. And as you drift down, your goggles visible, you can see around you, dry, pale reef that slowly gives way to colorful, life-teeming reef. You see hundreds of fish of different sizes and colors, all darting in and out of the various gaps and openings in the side, you see vibrant plant life beginning to massively jut out from the side of this reef. Further down, you see eels twisting through, and bits of kelp and other long, underwater plant life tickle your body as you push past and drift, keeping track of where you're slowly sinking down, desperately trying to follow this dwarf that is no longer in view, he just dove straight down and is far more comfortable under the water than most of you. Eventually, the reef begins to cluster in tighter and tighter, and you start getting a little nervous as to if you're going to hit a bottom or hit a pinch point. And then suddenly it stops, the reef just ends, and you now are floating down into what appears to be endless dark ocean. And just below, you see just a faint bit of light, and you start noticing the dark color is because you're about to hit an extremely dense forest of underwater plant life. You watch as all of these long, thin tendrils of almost vines covered in elongated leaves begin to curl up around you, and you start pushing through, following this light, and as you get across to the edge, Keyleth, you're the closest ahead and you guys have just enough light to watch the bead of where Keyleth is. Keyelth, you can still see Durent and keep that pace. He leads you down over this bank of where the top of this underwater forest ends, and you see, attached to the reef above by a single pillar of stonework that seems to be built or carved out of the reef, emerges a spiraling tower that eventually ends on the floor of the ocean here. It's made of a yellowish-white sandstone-like color, there are pillars carved out of it, naturalistic, but also have almost a series of bevelled edges to them. Within the inside, there is a dull green glow that is pulsating, and as Durent makes his way down toward one of the many openings in the floors, you can see there is a very, very faint sparkling energy that seems to just drift up out of the center of this tower. As you make it further down towards the base, you now begin to see through some of the openings, the center of this tower is hollow. It is an exterior, like a very thin Colosseum-like structure that goes up for multiple floors, slowly pincering as it gets to the top, and it is just an open interior inside. As eventually you touch down onto the soft bottom of the ocean here and begin making your way, slowly swimming towards the interior, you can see a number of other similarly dressed Waveriders as well as armored guardians that stand. All with various trident or spear-like weapons. A number of them appear to be of varying races, human, half-elf, elf, it appears that Durent is the only dwarf you see in this vicinity, and a couple of them appear to be merfolk, like straight-up half-human, half-fish, tails, fins, gills, the whole circumstance.

LAURA: What does their hair look like?

MATT: (laughs) You see two of them, one of which is male. No visible hair on him, actually, just the frill that goes down his head. The other is female. Long, deep, dark blue hair that drifts past, and as she shifts and looks in your direction, you watch it hold in place and slowly shift as the water currents push through.

LAURA: I just stare at her.

MATT: (laughs) As you're entranced by this, your attention slowly glides over to the very center, the base of this temple, where you can see there are these three large, smooth, gray-ish rocks that are embedded in the ground, about five feet wide, and in the center of these three rocks, you see what appears to be-- it's almost like an oval shape, about ten feet tall, about five feet wide, that is crackling blue energy. This opening, here. And you can watch as occasionally clouds of black, murky soot or sand, deep, deep ocean sand, push through. You can see, as you get closer and peer in, this is a doorway into the plane, this is the rift. Unlike the one that you saw at Pyrah, which seemed to flicker and have a barely contained energy when you've seen it at its torn-open stages, this appears to be fairly contained. It's demure, there's not a lot of movement, it's just stationary, and the guards that surround it in the center of this temple all look inward, keeping vigilant watch. As you follow Durent, making his way towards the doorway, you can see within each of these three large, half-buried stones, there is a smaller, deep emerald green, almost jade-looking stone that is about large that is embedded in each of these. Durent points over to one of them, and you hear him, through the water, the throat bead carrying the sound of his voice through, "This is what you're looking for. This is a lodestone. Take your time, as much as you need, to study it. Find what you need. Let me know when you're ready to pass through."

LAURA: Are they all the same color? Every lodestone looks the same?

MATT: Yeah, you glance through, they're all the same color. Slight variations, and the shapes change a little bit, some are perfectly spherical, some are a little oblong, just whatever shape it eventually hardened into.

TALIESIN: Kind of a natural jade?

MATT: Kind of, yeah. But like a dark, dark jade. Like Maori, New Zealand jade.

LAURA: Not translucent at all, not--


LAURA: Okay.

MARISHA: Keyleth goes up and touches one and meditates on it for a second.

MATT: Okay. As you put your hand towards it, you feel a very, very faint vibration, actually a very similar vibration to the throat bead.

MARISHA: Really. Are the throat beads green? Do they look similar?

MATT: At this point, now? You notice, yes, they're made of the same material. You see that a lot of-- the lodestones' main purpose is here, but a lot of the inherent magic of them, or at least the enchantment properties of it, it's a pretty big part of the general life here at Vesrah.

MARISHA: Do the beads tend to react when they get closer to the lodestone?

MATT: There is no change. But you do feel that faint hum and vibration of power of the lodestone that is embedded within.

MARISHA: I turn to Durent. Whereabouts do they tend to be found? The lodestones?

MATT: "Well, I mean, all over."

MARISHA: All over?

MATT: "Who knows where they've been dropped. The ocean tends to swallow things up. You might have to dig. Mostly we find them buried."

MARISHA: Buried.

TALIESIN: How heavy are they?

MATT: "Let me show you." And he goes over and grab one and (strains) and pulls it out. The doorway flickers ever so slightly. He's like, "It's fine for a moment." And hands it to you. You take it, and for its size, it is surprisingly dense. It has about twice the weight you were expecting, and your arms just (grunts) a little bit. Also, as you're holding it, you notice the clasp on your cloak is being pulled towards it. As you pull it away, and pull towards it, you realize these are actually fairly magnetic.

TALIESIN: They're magnetic?

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: Magnetic. Percy, do you have a compass?

TALIESIN: I don't, but I can fake one pretty quickly if we have to.

MARISHA: Really? You don't have a compass. Really?

TALIESIN: We never needed a compass.

TRAVIS: What do we even have you here for, I mean?

TALIESIN: Is it possible-- well, we're too deep now, but--

MATT: As you're having this conversation, you watch as Durent's patiently there.

TALIESIN: You have a compass, don't you? And I'm going to hand it back to him.

MATT: "No, but I need the stone." Puts it back inside. "Okay, we're good."

SAM: If I examine it, do I detect any magic on it?

MATT: You do. Profoundly magical, this is a very, very strong natural magic source.

TALIESIN: This is going to be weird. I'm going to take out a chunk of Whitestone residuum and just compare the color and see if there's any relation.

MATT: Make an intelligence check.

TALIESIN: Look at my sheet. That's a natural 20.

(all cheer)

TRAVIS: The snitch returns.

MATT: Interestingly enough, there are similarities. It is not the same material, but you've had enough time to study whitestone, and get a feel that there are-- this is your first inclination that there are more than one substance that seems to be related to the nature of magic. This is-- at least based on the ecology and what little bit of history you've picked up from the kraken and how long it's been around-- whitestone may be one of the more recent sources of this type of power, or variation on this type of power. But there are certain comparable facets of its ability, yeah.

TALIESIN: It actually occurs to me that I might have some magnets on my person. Can I make an investigation check? I had quietly in my head been using them to keep my coat down when I was running around with the spider boots.

LIAM: The magic of improv.

TALIESIN: I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true.

MATT: No, that's fine.

TALIESIN: Can I make a roll to see if I happen to have some on me?

MATT: I'd say you have them on you. You're Percy. It's fine. They're very simple magnets.

TALIESIN: Yeah. They might help with-- I'm going to try and see if I can use them as a very base dowsing rod for these stones.

MATT: You notice that you don't-- any sort of pull you feel on the magnet doesn't seem to hit until you're within about a foot or so of the stone.


LAURA: I do have Locate Object.

SAM: I pull out my compass and see if it works.

MATT: Okay, you pull out your compass?

TRAVIS: You have a compass?

SAM: Sure. Yeah, I have a compass, by the way.

MARISHA: Really, you have a compass?

MATT: As you pull it out, you watch, as you stand there, it's confused, it's darting around and doing circles. As you begin to step in one direction towards one of the stones, it rights itself in its direction.

SAM: Hm. Fascinating.

LAURA: Nice.

MARISHA: Will you keep that handy, you know?

SAM: Oh, sorry. Yes. One second. Just, still pressurizing.


TRAVIS: Equalizing.

TALIESIN: In my head, you have zinc all over your nose. There's just zinc.

MARISHA: And a hula shirt.

SAM: Oh yes, do you want a--

TALIESIN: Yes, we're really pale people, this is probably a good idea. No.

MARISHA: I tap it, because I've seen other people that, and I feel like that's what you do with compasses.

TRAVIS: And it shatters.

MATT: (shattering sound)


MATT: Yeah, it seems to be a functional compass.

MARISHA: Do you want to be the compass man? Are you gonna man the compass? Be navigation?

SAM: The leader? Absolutely.

TALIESIN: The navigator, yes.

SAM: The navigator. Sure.

MARISHA: The navigator.

SAM: Sure.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: Any other tests you brainy types want to do in these giant, green balls?

TALIESIN: I feel comfortable. We have Locate Object, we have a compass.

LAURA: Yes. Locate Object is concentration, and so is Pass Without a Trace.

MARISHA: So when we get through the void, and maybe we can do a Locate Object and then Pass Without a Trace, and then I'll cast Animal Shapes, and then we go.

MATT: Locate Object, by the way--

LIAM: That is a lot of steps.

LAURA: It's within 1,000 feet.

MATT: Yes.


MARISHA: But it lasts for ten minutes.

MATT: It does, yes.


MATT: Okay. So. You guys ready?


SAM: Yes.


MATT: All right--

TRAVIS: Are we ready?

LAURA: Are we ready?

MATT: Durent looks at your faces as you're all staring and goes, "Okay. So. About time?"

LAURA: Have you seen a kraken?

MATT: "Oh yeah, I've seen it."


MATT: "Oh, it's fucking terrible."

LAURA: How big, are we talking?

TRAVIS: Immense?

MATT: "You know this, this size? It's a lot bigger."

LIAM: How many Grogs?

LAURA: Big enough to swallow him?

MATT: "Oh, yeah."

LIAM: Like ten Grogs long?

MATT: "Hundred."

LIAM: Hundred Grogs long?!

MATT: "It's hard, it's spatial awareness. Look, I'm not a science man like these two, but--"

TALIESIN: I'm a science man!

MATT: "-- it's big.”

TRAVIS: Your beard is glorious.

MATT: “Thank you. Yours isn't too bad yourself, boy!” He tussles it up.

TRAVIS: Yeah, hold on. Are there any barnacles down here I can put in that? Is it fast in the water?

MATT: “I'd say it's pretty fast, aye.”

LIAM: And you've seen it leave these stones, these lodes?

MATT: “I've seen him through the door. Oh, I don't go in there!”

TRAVIS: Oh, yeah?

MATT: “No, I just watch the doorway. That's my job”

SAM: You don't watch him drop his lodes.

MATT: “I have not yet seen the kraken drop its lodes, no.”

LAURA: All right.

LIAM: I have never felt more prepared than I do right now. Let's do this shit.

LAURA: Let's.

MATT: “If it goes bad, come back.”


MATT: “Just get back.”

LAURA: Right.

MATT: “You'll fail, but you'll get back.”

MARISHA: I'll fail?! Did you just say I'll fail? Okay, bye!

MATT: As you guys, one by one, plunge through the rift in the Aerie of Torrent, into the Water Elemental Plane. And that's where we'll take a break. We'll be back here in just a few moments guys. Real fast, we do have a giveaway from our friends at Wyrmwood.

TRAVIS: Giveaway!

MATT: We have a Hero Vault made of very aromatic cedar. That actually smells of the most hamster cage ever, it's awesome. Aww, I love that smell. It reminds me of when I had my first pet.

LIAM: It smells like poop?

MATT: So, this will be going out to somebody. Just to clarify, if you want to be part of this, you need to come into the Twitch chat. So, come into the Twitch chat. Our code word tonight is, guess what, 'kraken.'

LAURA: Kraken!

MATT: So, as soon as that opens up in the chat, make sure you write kraken in the chat to be entered into the contest, and we'll come back with a winner of this awesome Hero Vault in just a bit.



Part II[]

MATT: Hello, and welcome back everyone!

LIAM: (shouting, away from mic) What, we're on, now?


MATT: Yeah, it was quick, imagine that.

LIAM: Holy cow.

MARISHA: Hi, countdown.

SAM: Wait a second! Okay. Nothing. But they can't see the map, yet, can they?

MATT: They will shortly

MARISHA: The map?

TALIESIN: They can't see the map yet.

MATT: So, as you guys emerge--

(all gasp)

MATT: Oh! (laughs)

LAURA: Is it beautiful?

MARISHA: Yes I just noticed it, yeah.

LIAM: You just opened your eyes?

LAURA: Aw, it's so cool!

MATT: So, this here is the exterior portal, into the floor. You step out at about two feet below the doorway, your feet (two dull thuds) slowly hit the soft, cushy bottom of the water elemental plane. You see about you a number of thick clusters of various underwater plant life, rising up and slowly shifting with the waves and the water. You also see throughout the dark sand in the vicinity hundreds of bones and various other chunks of flesh, in various long states of decay. It is dark down here, you maybe have about 20 to 30 feet of visual range right here unaided. Our two humans friends over there have almost no sight beyond a five, ten-foot distance here. Usually, from just the glow of your armor, your helm itself has this radiant glow about it.

LIAM: I'm using Divine Sense right now to see if anything is not completely--

MATT: Okay, you're-- you're divining for what?

LIAM: Undead. In the bones.


MATT: Okay, as you carefully close your eyes and focus, you lend your essence out to the Raven Queen even across the planes to guide your vision to anything of undeath, or fiendish in nature. And nothing.

LAURA: I'm going to take a moment to use Primal Awareness and see-- is there a way to sense krakens? Or anything.

MATT: I don't know, do you know how to sense krakens?

LAURA: I don't know, do I?

TRAVIS: Do you sense calamari?

LIAM: DM snark!

MATT: Looking at your various choices.

LAURA: Aberrations, celestials, dragons, elementals, fey, fiends and undead.

LIAM: And krakens, it says right there--

LAURA: And krakens.

MATT: Okay, as--

LAURA: Krakens--

MATT: As you focus your attention, utilizing-- and mark off your ability there.


MATT: You sense nothing. You said elementals are on there?

LAURA: Elementals, aberrations--

LIAM: Aberrations.

LAURA: -- and fiends.

MATT: Which one are you choosing?

LAURA: Oh, I have to choose one

TALIESIN: Aberrations

MARISHA: Elemental?

LAURA: What do you think?

TRAVIS: I think you should just get all of them

LAURA: What do you think? Aberrations or-- what do you think a kraken is?

SAM: Aberration? It's an animal.

MARISHA: You'll definitely find elementals because they're definitely here.

LAURA: What would a kraken be?

TRAVIS: An animal.

LIAM: If it's not an aberration--

TALIESIN: An animal.

LIAM: It'd be a beast which you don't have--

TRAVIS: A mineral.

(all laugh)

LIAM: The only thing on there--

MARISHA: A mineral? (laughs)

LIAM: The only thing on there-- that it is maybe is an aberration.

LAURA: Aberration?

LIAM: I mean, elementals--

TALIESIN: They're not really aberrations.

SAM: They're aliens.


LIAM: There's nothing on this list.

LAURA: All right, then I'm going to try for elementals

MATT: Okay, you sit down and focus and dozens of nearby signatures hit you, you don't quite know what direction they come from, but you know that this area is teeming with elemental energy, it has drawn many elemental powers nearby

LAURA: They're like everywhere.

LIAM: They're all around us, man.

SAM: It's impossible, it's from inside the room!

MARISHA: They're in the walls, they're in the goddamn walls!

TRAVIS: This is really important. I fart. Do the bubbles go up?

MATT: (bubbling noise) They do.

TRAVIS: We're in a safe place.

TALIESIN: That was weirdly helpful.

MARISHA: Do I see that?

MATT: You do.

MARISHA: That's actually insanely helpful.

TALIESIN: That's really, genuinely helpful.

(all laugh)

TALIESIN: Looking at--

SAM: (garbled voice) Should we use our flashlights?

TALIESIN: (garbled voice) Why are you doing this with your face?

MARISHA: (garbled voice) No!

TRAVIS: I don't know, I don't know!

SAM: (garbled voice) I don't know, it felt--

TRAVIS: Looking up, can you see any sort of surface to the water, like you would if you were 150, 200 feet, scuba-diving down, and--

MATT: I mean, your vision in the vicinity is dark, and you feel like you're at the bottom of a very, very deep abyssal ocean. Looking up, you see a faint turquoise glow in the upward direction but it seems sourceless, almost as opposed to straight up, it almost encompasses a full dome, and you see no sign of a break in the water--

TRAVIS: That's what I thought.

MATT: -- and the various strands of plant life extend far into the darkness and strange kind of fuzzy distance where they fade out.

TRAVIS: We in it.

LAURA: I have a feeling light will attract all sorts of creatures down here


TALIESIN: I'm not entirely sure the creatures down here have eyes.


MARISHA: Most do have blindsight or echo-location, so they--

LAURA: Hm, what about those kind of fish that have the--

MARISHA: Might not be good for us.


LAURA: -- things that dangle in front of their faces?

MARISHA: Angler fish, yeah.

TRAVIS: Movement, light, shiny things, all bad.


LIAM: Tary's armor.

LAURA: He's covered.

SAM: Thank you.

MARISHA: Do we have a few minutes? I can do a quick Locate Object spell, see if we're headed in the right direction if you wanna--

LAURA: I'm going to use a Locate Object spell

MARISHA: Can I assist her in any way?

MATT: Nope, this is her particular spell to cast.

MARISHA: All right.

TALIESIN: I'm going to examine the sand, and just gently dig around to see what's around. This is fascinating, I'm just digging for whatever.

MATT: Okay. Your feet hit and pull apart, and as soon as you do, you get about four inches of the soft sand before you start hitting black dirt, that immediately tries to cloud and obscure your vicinity, so you carefully stop for a second.

TALIESIN: Good to know.


SAM: I'm going to load up my flashlight with one of those daylight gems, but with the lens fully closed, so no light can escape.

MATT: Okay, so you go ahead and you activate, so mark off another one of your opals.

SAM: Sure.

TALIESIN: There's a red filter.

MATT: As you activate it as soon as you close the device, and you feel it contained within.

SAM: Okay.

TALIESIN: You do have a red filter?

MATT: All right, you cast Locate Object, Laura?


MATT: All right, so as Vex, you focus, concentrating on the lodestone that you saw before.

TRAVIS: There's a portal behind you.

LAURA: No no no, it finds similar objects.

TRAVIS: I know, I know, I know.

MATT: Let's see, you feel the direction pull you this way.

LAURA: Awesome.

MATT: You don't know how far away, but the distance pulls you in that direction.

LAURA: There is a lodestone within a thousand feet that direction.

MARISHA: You know, Taryon just gave me an idea.

SAM: I tend to have that effect on people.

MARISHA: Thank you for your infinite wisdom, Taryon. We might be able to use a Daylight spell as a distraction worst case scenario, because I can place it somewhere and then leave it.

LAURA: Oh, that is smart.


TALIESIN: If we have to use an opal we can.

SAM: Sure.

TALIESIN: So, we can be far away when we activate it.

TRAVIS: How far away can you place that?

LAURA: She can cast it on an object and leave it behind.

MARISHA: I can leave it. As a distraction.

TRAVIS: Right.

LAURA: You could--

TALIESIN: Let's not cast it near the portal, though.

MARISHA: I don't wanna do it right now, but I'm just throwing it out there--

LAURA: -- cast it on the tip of an arrow and I can shoot it at least 150 feet

MARISHA: That's a hundred percent true, we've done that before.

TALIESIN: Very good.

MARISHA: Just keep that in mind. All right. Yeah. All right.

TALIESIN: Filing it away.

MARISHA: Okay we have a direction, are we ready?

LAURA: Let's try to move stealthily, for a little while. Or should I just drop it and cast Pass Without A Trace right now?

TALIESIN: Let's see how we feel?

MARISHA: Let's see how we feel. I'll go ahead and do Pass Without A Trace on us and we'll try and move in the direction that she called.

LAURA: Oh good call. All right.

MATT: Okay. So, I need all of you to roll-- is Trinket still in your necklace?

LAURA: (with hesitation) Okay.

(all laugh)

MATT: That's not an answer.

LAURA: I hadn't imagined him in but--

TALIESIN: Everybody knows about the sea bear.

LAURA: Yeah, he's going to turn into an animal so--

LIAM: A killer whale, we talked about.

MARISHA: Whenever he's ready.

TALIESIN: When it's time.

LAURA: Let's bring Trinket out. Fuck it!

LIAM: Yeah! Killer whale Trinket man.

MARISHA: He does have Water Breathing cast on him.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Yes, this is true.

LAURA: So he can fucking swim.

MATT: Yes. Trinket does not have goggles. And cannot talk or cast spells underwater.

LAURA: Well.

MARISHA: I mean, he's a bear.

MATT: I know. I know.

LAURA: What if-- Okay.

MATT: As soon as Trinket (splash)

LIAM: He's having a singular experience for a bear, though.

MARISHA: Yeah. (laughs)

MATT: (confused bear noises)

LAURA: It's fun, buddy?

TRAVIS: You give him a hard time. Like trying to get a rat in a bath.

LAURA: Oh god. No, no, no.

LIAM: I just (mimes scratching Trinket).


LAURA: I'm gonna cast, I'm gonna-- Fuck. I'm gonna cast Speak With Animals on him.

TALIESIN: Anyone ever seen Bedknobs and Broomsticks?

LAURA: Trinket?

MATT: Pass Without A Trace-- this is before or after Pass Without A Trace?

LAURA: Oh, she's casting Pass Without A Trace.

MARISHA: No, I'm doing Pass Without A Trace.

MATT: Oh. That's right, yeah.

LAURA: I'm casting Speak With Animals..

MATT: That's right.

LAURA: Trinket, everything's fine! You're just underwater.

MATT: (confused bear noises) "It's very wet."

LAURA: It is.

MATT: "What's going on?"

(all laugh)

LAURA: We're going to be swimming for a while. You're gonna make me cry, dear. We're going to be swimming for a little while, all right? Do you feel okay with this?

MATT: (distressed bear noises)

TRAVIS: You're drowning him, baby.

LAURA: He can breathe, just breathe in. Just like land, only not.

MATT: (bear noises) He kinda lands in the sand. Looks around, very nervously. Looks at one of the nearby kinda floating pieces of weird errant plant matter and--

(all laug)

LAURA: Yeah. We're good? Are you all right?

MATT: "I'm okay."

LAURA: All right. Just giving you a heads up; you may be turned into a whale in a little bit.

MATT: "What is a whale?"

(all laugh)

LAURA: You'll be really, really big and you'll be able to swim a lot better. All right? Just remember to follow my lead. And I'm gonna hang onto you when you are a whale, all right?

MATT: "Okay."

LAURA: Okay. I love you.

MATT: "I trust you."

LAURA: I trust you, too. I love you.

MATT: "Love you."

LAURA: I'm proud of you.

MATT: "Okay."

LAURA: I love him so much. I love him!

TALIESIN: Someday you're going to disappoint that face.

MATT: The slowest. You see him start like, just bear-paddling a little, under the water just like--

TRAVIS: Say goodbye to him.

LAURA: Shut up!

TALIESIN: I love you. Hi


LAURA: It's fun, see? It's fun. But paddle quietly, dear, we're trying to be stealthy!

MATT: "Mm-hm. Okay."

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Now are you casting-- Oh, no. You're casting Pass Without a Trace, I want everyone to make stealth checks.

LAURA: I love him. Aw.

LIAM: Fucking D&D, man.

SAM: Stealth checks! Stealth checks!

TALIESIN: Okay. Stealth checks.

MATT: Stealth checks. All of you guys including Trinket, please.

LAURA: Okay, okay, okay.

TRAVIS: Don't fuck me, Gil.


MARISHA: I'm crying so hard. Oh wait, we're all doing them.

TALIESIN: I'm so sorry for doing that to you. It was really unfair.


MARISHA: Oh, that's good! That's good.

TALIESIN: Plus ten?


MATT: 25, right.

SAM: 20! With our boost.

LAURA: Oh, with Pass Without A Trace, right.

LIAM: Yeah, add that ten, man.

MARISHA: Yeah, 34.


LIAM: 38.

TALIESIN: Hut hut!

MATT: Rogues!

LIAM: It's all I do.

TRAVIS: Yeah, man.

TALIESIN: They get the job done

MARISHA: Rogues! They get the job done.

LAURA: I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I don't know what to add for Trinket's stealth. Is that just his dex maybe?

MATT: It's his dex, yeah.

LAURA: Okay, so 29 for me.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: And 30 for Trinket.

TALIESIN: He kind of looks like kelp --


TALIESIN: -- maybe he's blending

LIAM: He's just underwater ballet-ing, man

MATT: What'd you roll for Trinket?


LAURA: 18.

LIAM: Not making a sound.

MATT: Nice!

MARISHA: Oh my god.

TALIESIN: It's just a face in a giant brown--

MATT: All right.

LIAM: Gently.

LAURA: Let me make sure I'm right on mine.

MATT: You guys (water sound effects) start very quietly as you can begin walking across the bottom of the floor--

TALIESIN, MARISHA: (Darth Vader-esque breathing effect)

MATT: -- barely, your toes barely touching the surface of the bottom. Making your way in this direction. You guys slowly begin to shift this way. Following this path. Now you're maintaining Locate Object, you said?

LAURA: Yes, I am.

LIAM: I thought it was one of these.

MATT: Now you cast--


MATT: Is Speak With Animals a--

LAURA: Concentration? It's not.

TALIESIN: Let's hunt some scallops.

MARISHA: Hunt some scallops.

MATT: It is! Concentration up to ten minutes. Locate Object is ten minutes. Oh, Speak With Animals is not, sorry.


MATT: Sorry. Then you're fine.

LAURA: Okay.

MARISHA: Calamari.

LIAM: Get some butter from the jug.

MARISHA: Some Grog aioli, a lil bit of mayo, lemon.

TRAVIS: Do we see anything swimming above us or around us?

MATT: Looking in your vicinity, you see clusters of ruins, you see broken pieces of very, very old stonework. And looking at them, they are scattered throughout the vicinity. Singular chunks of structures. Let's see. Percival, go ahead and make an intelligence check.

TALIESIN: That'll do. 20.

MATT: Okay. Looking to the left of you as you pass by this one structure, you can see the chunk of wall that's visible, it is thick enough and tall enough where it looks like it's a sliver of the base of a larger structure that was designed for far larger creatures. The sense of the erosion and the relatively smooth edges of the various broken parts to it tell you that it's been there for a very long time.

TALIESIN: This was for a larger creature, like, giants?

MATT: Giants or larger. It's hard to really tall. This is not a human-sized--

TALIESIN: Did these ruins crumble, or did they sink?

MATT: They appear to have crumbled. The structure in which they're placed has intentional placement within here.

TALIESIN: And is the stone-- does the stone feel natural, or does it feel like stone that would be underwater? Does it look like the parts of it that have been underwater are doing well, or does it look like it's eroding something that should've been above the surface?

MATT: It looks like they're eroding as expected for something that's been there for a very long time.

TALIESIN: And there's no writing visible.

MATT: No, no. They're almost extremely smooth. Just been there for so long and hit with various blasts of water current, sand, dust, and other things for such a long period of time that it's smoothed the entirety of the wall structure.


MATT: All right, you maintain the Locate Object?

LAURA: Mm-hm.

MATT: As you guys push forward, eventually it leads you this way, until you begin to feel the direction change this path, there. So you lead the path over this way, and it leads you to the edge of this wall.

SAM: Do you need some help finding it?

LAURA: Can I look around? Does it seem like it's right there?

MATT: Make a perception check.

LAURA: Okay. 25.

MATT: Glancing about the vicinity, looking over it all, you look at the wall, it's smooth, there's no indentation, there's no sign of a stone. Looking at the sand on the ground at the base of it, no sign of a stone.

LAURA: Can I move some of the sand out of the way on the ground and see if I see anything?

MATT: Make an investigation check.

TALIESIN: Compass.

SAM: Compass, yeah.

LAURA: Ten. Yeah, bust out that compass.

MATT: Yeah, you begin to pull apart some of the sand, and the black murkiness begins to come up underneath, and you don't see anything.

MARISHA: I stand watch while they do this and just look for any movement.

MATT: Perception check.

SAM: Is the compass moving?

MARISHA: Don't fuck me, Gil.

MATT: The compass is currently focused on the same direction that you're moving, towards the wall.

LIAM: I'm going to join Keyleth as well.

SAM: I'm gonna cast Detect Magic.

MARISHA: 25. No, 27. Sorry.

MATT: Okay. Nice. You glance this way, as you're looking overhead, you can see a dark, very large dark shape right about here, looks to be the shelf of some sort of an underwater stone cliff or a mountain of some kind that leads up here like a bank. At the very top, you see very faint movement. Looks like individual, long tendrils of some kind, just barely visible at the outside of your dark vision.

MARISHA: I come over the intercom and say, Be very quiet. Very still. Very slow.

SAM: I don't hear that, so I just cast Detect Magic.

MARISHA: Oh, son of a fuck, you don't. Motherfucker.

MATT: Okay. So you cast Detect Magic. You currently, in front of you, don't see any sort of magical source. Nothing seems to glow or emanate at the wall or near the base of the wall.

SAM: Within 30 feet.

MATT: Right.

SAM: Even under three feet of sand.

MATT: Let me double-check something here for you.

LAURA: I'm gonna wander to the other side of the wall and see if it's on the other side.

TALIESIN: I'm with you.

SAM: One foot of stone, one inch of metal.

MATT: Okay, you faint-- You still feel the direction of the magic where you're looking, but you don't see anything on or around the base of the wall. Do you move around?

LAURA: To the other side of the wall, yeah.

TALIESIN: Yeah, we're moving there.

SAM: I'll come with.

MATT: As you and Percy find yourself at the other side of the wall, there.

MARISHA: Still keeping an eye on the dark figure.

MATT: The direction of the locate object leads you adjacent and just beyond the wall on the other side to where you guys were looking.

LAURA: Ah, that makes sense. Do I see it now?

MATT: You do not see anything.

TALIESIN: I'm going to gently pat at the base of the wall.

MATT: Okay, both of you guys make investigation checks, please.

TALIESIN: Not disturbing anything. Investigation? 13.

MATT: You're both digging through and pulling at the sand, and dig further and it causes the black---

LAURA: We're digging softly, we're trying not to do that.

TALIESIN: Very gently.

SAM: I'm coming too, I want to--

TALIESIN: If anything we're sucking it

SAM: And I'm going to cast Detect Magic again

MATT: Focusing, you do feel a very, very faint magical essence from the sand about two feet to the left of the where they're currently sifting through the sand.

LAURA: Shh, shh, shh!


SAM: Oh, okay, Jesus! I'm just trying to help us find the fucking lodestones.

LAURA: We move over there to start digging.

MATT: Start pulling through, you get past the sand, you get to some of the black murkiness and you're careful and start digging before (clunk) you feel one of your fingers hit a hard surface and you begin to pull underneath.

LAURA: I think we found one!

MATT: You pull and begin clearing the space around it, and it takes you a minute or so with the help of both Taryon and Percival, but you dig enough of this sand and soot from underneath to get around and you have there, currently in your presence, one of your lodestones.

LAURA: Do you think they'll know, if we grab it, do you think it's going to attract anything?

TALIESIN: I think we put it in the bag of holding and it won't matter.

LAURA: Grog.

MARISHA: I'll watch.

LAURA: Can you swim over here?

TRAVIS: I slowly make my way to the other side of the wall.

TALIESIN: It's actually like Neil Armstrong.

MATT: Over the wall, meet the rest of your allies.

LAURA: We lift it, and put it in the Bag of Holding.


MATT: It fits inside, vanishes, you feel this slight vibration in your fingers as you take the stone and slowly relinquish it to the bag of holding's entry port. It vanishes within.

LAURA: Hey, one down! Do I sense another one with my Locate Object spell?

MATT: You do, you get a sense of something in this direction.

LAURA: All right.

MATT: Like a line pointing this way.

LIAM: C-20.

(all laugh)


LAURA: All right.

TALIESIN: Let's curl around.

LAURA: Shall we hide, yeah, curve around so we can hide from the big figure up top.

MARISHA: Yeah, I keep an eye on the big figure the whole time.

MATT: All right, I need Percival--

SAM: Me too.

MATT: Tary, Vex, and Grog, who are moving currently, to make stealth checks.

MARISHA: Come on.

SAM: 24.

TRAVIS: Come on, Gil.




TRAVIS: Just regular, right? No plus ten.

LAURA: Yeah, plus ten.

LIAM: No, plus ten.

TALIESIN: Plus ten.

TRAVIS: Oh, sorry. 27.

LAURA: 39.

LIAM: Good job, Gil.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: Thanks, Gil

MATT: Are you guys staying ground-level? Are you curving over? Are you going around?

TALIESIN: We're going around.

LAURA: Going around. We're trying to keep as, you know, stealthy as probable.

MATT: Right. So, you guys make your way around, heading this direction, following Vex. As you continue to curl forward, Vex, bringing your way forward, Trinket's kind of getting nervous of the distance.

LIAM: I start scootching him behind the ear, I know this one spot behind his left ear that calms him down, as I watch with Keyleth.

MATT: Okay, so you slowly meander up to the side and help keep Trinket quiet for the time being.

SAM: A stream of diarrhea come out of his rear end.

LIAM: Mixing in with the black sand.

MATT: Oh, god.

LIAM: Like a squid in his own right.

MATT: You guys follow behind and--

LAURA: Do we sense any kind of movement around us or anything?

MATT: Go ahead and make a perception check.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I do that. Especially with that giant red rock right there.

MARISHA: Do I do that too or no?

TALIESIN: No, I perceive nothing.

MATT: You're not looking.

MARISHA: I'm looking.

MATT: You're staying back with Vax.

TRAVIS: Oh! 16!

LAURA: Twenty... two. 21.

MATT: 21.

TALIESIN: One. I saw nothing.

MATT: Okay, yeah. You come to this heavy, heavy piece of thick, natural wall-like stone, which is heavily embedded in the ground. This is not like the previous ones that looked like it was carved, this is just a natural formation of stone which is jutting out of the sand, and it's a thick ten, 15-foot-wide embankment, maybe five feet thick and about six feet above. As you approach and get to it, you don't see anything that would mark it as different other than a series of-- you start looking down as you're inspecting and you see a series of skulls, some humanoid, some larger, some like almost elongated fish or crocodile-like jaws. Some of them are older, some of them are fresher, some of them still have like, bits of little things, tendrils of flesh--

(all groan)

MATT: That is mostly decomposed that drift off and change direction with the flow of the water as you make your way through.

SAM: Our masks are like--

LAURA: No, we got goggles.

MATT: It's goggles--

SAM: Just goggles.

MATT: And just this little stone right over the larynx

SAM: So our mouth is free and--

TRAVIS: Free in the water

SAM: Okay, I vomit.

(all laugh)

MATT: (vomit sound, laughs) And this cloud of green, yellow, and brown just kind of emanates from the front of Taryon's face.

TRAVIS: Feed the fish. Wait, quick question. Krakens don't like use shells do they like a crab?



LIAM: They don't have fuck all.

LAURA: I mean, do they?

TALIESIN: They don't.

TRAVIS: Just checking.

TALIESIN: As far as I know.

LAURA: Can we start looking for the lodestones?

MATT: Investigation check. Who else is helping?

TALIESIN: I'll help.

TRAVIS: No, no, I'm--

SAM: I'm looking at the compass.

TRAVIS: I'm keeping an eye out.

MATT: Yep, you're looking on the compass.

TRAVIS: I'm the lookout.

MATT: Grog's lookout, I just need Vex and Percy.

LAURA: 18.

MATT: 18.


MATT: 13. You guys sift through the sand in this vicinity, poring around, trying to kind of dig across the exterior of the stone to pull away. You spend a good two to three minutes or so searching the vicinity and you don't find a stone.

LAURA: Can I use the compass?

MARISHA: No stone.

SAM: All right, I'll use Detect Magic again.

LAURA: Well, can I just use the compass?

MARISHA: Compass?

SAM: Yeah, what does it say?

MATT: It points in the direction you--

LAURA: I wanna take it and bring it down to the ground and like--

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Like a metal detector

MARISHA: Can I kind of start splitting the distance in case anything bad happens?

MATT: Okay, so you start making your way this way.

MARISHA: Just very slowly.

MATT: Okay. I need you to make a stealth check.

LAURA: Oh god, oh god.

LIAM: Natural 20.

LAURA: I feel like something's bad.

MATT: Roll for Trinket.

SAM: This music is fucking creepy.

LAURA: Man. Why is it so tense?

MARISHA: 31 stealth.

MATT: Good.

TALIESIN: Feel like this nervous breakdown you're giving us is really--

LAURA: That's good. 26 for Trinket.

TRAVIS: (mimics music)

SAM: (mimics music)

LIAM: 45. Natural 20.

MARISHA: (gasps)

SAM: 41?

LIAM: 45.

MATT: Holy shit!

MARISHA and SAM: 45?!

LIAM: See ya, mothafuckers!

MARISHA: That's your stealth?

(all laugh)

MATT: All right you guys make your way between areas as Trinket comes behind you--

MARISHA: My god, 45.

MATT: Don't want him to stray too far in this circumstance.

SAM: I'm casting Detect Magic.

LAURA: And the compass.

MARISHA: And the compass.

TALIESIN: We think we find him and it's just a rock.

TRAVIS: Hey, you two, it's not a race.

MARISHA: Yeah, hey Vax, oh fuck, it's a rock again.

LAURA: Yes it is.

MATT: You sense the magical presence of it in the direction that you've been facing, but it seems further past.

SAM: Okay, keep going, it's around the rock.


LAURA: Again? Fuck! We go around the fucking rock.

TRAVIS: You sure it's a rock?

LAURA: I don't know, Grog.

SAM: Oh wait a second! Eh, all right.

MATT: What?

SAM: Detect Magic lasts for ten minutes!

LAURA: So you don't have to cast again.

MARISHA: Yeah, it lasts for a while.

SAM: So this is all one spell, yeah?

MATT: Yeah, you can maintain the-- okay. So you go with them?

SAM: Yeah!

MATT: Okay. Grog, you staying put or you going with them?

TRAVIS: Get in there.

MATT: Okay. You all three searching, then?

SAM: Yes.


MATT: Investigation check, investigation check, investigation check.

SAM: One.


LAURA: 19.

MARISHA: Oh Jesus, I thought it was a one at first.


MATT: Nine, and?

SAM: Five, I--

LAURA: 19.

SAM: I got a natural one.

MATT: You got a natural one?

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Oh no.

SAM: The kraken eats me.

MATT: As you're digging through, your fingers, Taryon--

SAM: Yes?

MATT: Hits something hard.

SAM: (gasps) I got it. I've got it!



SAM: I've got it!

(all shush)

MATT: As you pull up what you think is the stone, you look, and instead it's a humanoid head that is mostly skeletal bone with strips of flesh hanging off of it with one eye that is a pale swollen pink-white color.

SAM: (gags)

MATT: Yeah, you just start like (gags) you instinctively step back, start yelling about the point there.

MARISHA: Richard Dreyfuss in Jaws.

MATT: Just for the sake of this, make a stealth check.

MARISHA: Oh man, come on.

SAM: Natural one.

(all groan)

MARISHA: No, you are lying to me, you are lying!

LAURA: Put that dice away, put that dice away right now!

LIAM: Two in a row?

SAM: Yeah!


LIAM: Wow.

MARISHA: No, Tary!

LAURA: Tary! You're fucking us, Tary!

SAM: (gagging noises)

LIAM: (sings) Telling a story!

MATT: Holy shit. Okay. Keyleth, as you're carefully looking up in the shadows, you watch as this giant dark mound just diminishes and vanishes.


MARISHA: And I just say, red alert, red alert, think we got a kraken coming. Think the weather is calling for a kraken tonight.

MATT: As you guys hear this, you glance about the vicinity and watch as suddenly as series of large tentacles (whump whump) around this large outcropping of what looks like stone or wood jutting out of the base of the floor.

MARISHA: Please tell me you guys found a lodestone. Did you guys find it? Did you find it?

LAURA: Did I find it while it was happening?

MARISHA: Please tell me you found it.

MATT: You rolled a--

LAURA: 19.

MATT: 19? You just barely hit the exterior of it when this happens. You're like, oh, I found it, you look over, see Taryon yell, and then watch this creature suddenly swift down and begin to crawl over the top.

MARISHA: Vex, Vex, let's do the Daylight. Red alert, red alert, Daylight! Taryon, dig up the lodestone immediately--

MATT: I need all of you to make initiative checks.

MARISHA: Fuck me! No!

LAURA: Jeez!


TALIESIN: God damn it.

LAURA: Maybe we can shoot Daylight direction into his eyeball.

MARISHA: Natural 20!

ALL: Woo!

TRAVIS: Do you really think Daylight's gonna help at this point?

LAURA: In his eyes, maybe. He's not used to bright light.

TRAVIS: Oh, thank god I have advantage.

SAM: It would help me and Taliesin see.

MARISHA: That's true, not used to bright--

LIAM: Aw, the humans. Aw.

MARISHA: Just like, fwoomp, towards him. Over him, away from him.

MATT: All right. So.

LAURA: Or directly at him.

MARISHA: Towards him, yeah.

MATT: 25 to 20.

SAM: (whispers) I could've used Luck.

LIAM: 24.

MATT: 24.


TALIESIN: Yeah, you could've used Luck.

MATT: 22, nice.

SAM: Forgot about it.


LAURA: 19.

MARISHA: Ah. Worked out yesterday. Ouch.

TRAVIS: Yeah, it hurts.

MATT: All right, 15?

SAM: 13.

MATT: 13.

TRAVIS: 14 for Groggy Grog.

LAURA: The Groggy-poo.

SAM: Liam, how do you remember when to use Luck?

LIAM: Uh, when shit is exploding in your face?

SAM: Yeah, well, I forgot.

ALL: Ohh.

MATT: As you watch this entity suddenly emerge from the top, there--

ALL: No!

TALIESIN: Not cool.

LAURA: Whoa, he's really pretty in that light, though.

TALIESIN: Yeah, he is very pretty.

MATT: Enjoy it.

MARISHA: He's like a delightful Creole dish.

LIAM: The inside of his mouth is so pretty (muffled yelling).

MATT: So. Top of the round. Vax, you're up.

LIAM: Jeepers creepers.

MATT: You hear this noise through, and Keyleth giving the warning. As you glance over and see the top of this structure, the dark shadow of the kraken pull its way over the top.

MARISHA: Don't hurt it!

MATT: You see this gleaming yellow eye on the one side that's near you, and what looks to be three, five, seven or more tentacles begin to curl over and pull it over the top, making its way towards your friends. What are you doing?

LIAM: I'm clicking the boots of haste. And I am casting Bless on myself, on Keyleth, and on Grog.

MATT: Okay, what's the distance on that?

LIAM: 30 feet.

MATT: 30 feet? Yeah, Grog is just in range.

LIAM: You are blessed.

TRAVIS: What's that mean?

LIAM: It means on attacks or on saving throws, you can roll a d4 and add that for a minute, for the whole battle, basically.


MATT: It is a concentration spell.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Great, thank you.

MATT: So that's your-- you used the Haste, you have your action. What are you gonna do for your movement?

LIAM: I'm going to-- I'm 45 stealth, I'm going to back away to behind those giant shells.

MATT: Over here?

MARISHA: Someone find the third fucking lodestone.

MATT: Your speed is 60 right now, so you can move 30 feet hasted underwater, swimming.

LIAM: Mm-hm. So I'm gonna swim over that way. And I'm hasted, so action, action, I should have a bonus action, yeah?

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: So I'll hide, if I'm not hidden already.

MATT: Yeah, you can do that. Roll a stealth check.

LIAM: Good, 35.

LAURA: We would've been a bunch of whales slamming into shit.

MATT: Okay, cool. Yeah. All right, so. That brings us to Keyleth.

MARISHA: How far away am I from Vex?

MATT: From Vex? You're not sure. You'd probably be somewhere in the neighborhood of 35, 40 feet.

MARISHA: Let me move towards-- I say, Vex!

MATT: You've used Alter Self on yourself?


MATT: You've altered yourself, right, to swim fine?

MARISHA: Yeah. I can do that at will.

MATT: I know. So how many feet do you want to move?

MARISHA: Enough to see Vex. Vex?

MATT: She's just on the other side of the rock, and as you say that, you look up, and notice the creature, and you see Vex's head just barely poke over this stone barrier.

LAURA: I'm going--

MARISHA: Daylight arrow! Now! And I prep my Daylight spell for whenever she draws her arrow. And I wait for as soon as I see the tip of her arrow to go.

MATT: Okay. So you're holding your casting action until you see her arrow go.

MARISHA: And then I say, dear god, please, Taryon, find the other lodestone. Don't kill the kraken!

SAM: I didn't hear any of that.

MATT: Because he does not have an earpiece.


(all laugh)


LIAM: That loud, though?

MATT: But you do hear it, because you're underwater, and because of the--

MARISHA: These things!

MATT: You do hear it. It's a little garbled, but you pick up the essence of what she's saying.

MARISHA: (garbled) Use the compass. Lodestone.

MATT: All right, Keyleth, you're holding your action.

TALIESIN: Coldstone? That's a great idea!

MARISHA: (garbled) Coldstone Creamery. Go for the raspberry cheesecake.

MATT: Okay, as the kraken pulls its way over, you watch as its yellow eye all of a sudden glows blue.

LAURA: Oh no.

MATT: And you watch as the edge of its tentacles begin to (charging noise) give off this luminescent blue glow.


MATT: And suddenly this (electricity noise) burst of electrical energy shoots forth from it and completely encompasses the surrounding-- all creatures within a 120 feet have to make a constitution saving throw. All of you.

LIAM: d4, d4.

TRAVIS: Yes, thank you.

MARISHA: Plus a d4, plus a d4.

TALIESIN: I don't get any-- my cloak doesn't get any bonus against this, does it?


MARISHA: Using the people-killer-- not bad. Not bad, people-killer.

MATT: This is a lair action for the kraken.

LAURA: Oh, god.

TRAVIS: A lair action for the kraken? 'Cause we're in its fucking fish-tank.

MATT: It's made this its lair for the past-- for a number of years.

TRAVIS: Fuck you, Costco.

LIAM: (laughs)

TRAVIS: I meant Petco.

LAURA: (laughs) "I meant Petco".

TALIESIN: That's better!

LIAM: Oh, yes!

LAURA: Use Luck, Tary.

SAM: I did!

LAURA: (laughs)

LIAM: I did too!

(all laugh)

SAM: And grateful for it.

MATT: All right, so-

SAM: 26

MATT: Okay, so you take eight points of lightning damage. Percy.


MATT: 23, eight points of lightning damage. Keyleth.


MATT: You take 19 points of lightning damage.


LIAM: 22, plus I'm set to lightning with the Deathwalker's Ward.

MATT: 19 halved to eight points of lightning damage-- oh wait, actually--

LIAM: Halved twice, I should be quarter, right? If I made the save?

MATT: Oh, no you didn't make it.

LIAM: Oh I didn't make it? 22 didn't make it? Oh.

MATT: No, I'm sorry it was--

MARISHA: I said 19.

MATT: Right--

MARISHA: And that took--

LAURA: 18 damage.

MATT: I apologize, it was nine, nine, and 18 damage. So nine, nine, 18, 18.

LAURA: I already forgot what I rolled, 'cause everybody's talking numbers. 14!

MATT: 18 points of lightning damage.

LAURA: You got it!

MATT: Trinket?

LAURA: Oh, shit... He doesn't make it.

MARISHA and TALIESIN: (imitating Oprah) You take 18 points of lightning damage!

MATT: 18 points of lightning damage. Grog.

TRAVIS: With my #blessed, 27.

MATT: You take eight points of lightning damage.

MARISHA: (laughs) "#blessed"

MATT: Or nine-- sorry, nine.


MATT: Nine.

LIAM: #Bless bless bless.

TRAVIS: Bless bless.

MATT: All righty. Vex, you're up. As you kinda reel from the sudden electrical shock that pulses out in the vicinity, what are you doing?

LAURA: The Alter Self coin, does that take an action or is that--

MATT: Yes, it's to cast the spell on yourself.

LAURA: Fuck, okay. Then I'm going to start with pulling out the arrow and doing what Keyleth and I talked about. Hey! I'm pulling out my arrow.

MARISHA: Daylight on the tip of that arrow.

LIAM: Finger guns.

LAURA: And I'm gonna shoot it--

MATT: And you see it just slowly arc--

MARISHA: Pew, pew, pew.

LAURA: As close as I can to the Kraken's head and just, like, past him. I want it to go by the eyeball.

MATT: Okay, let me see here, Daylight.

TRAVIS: You're throwing a meatball past a lion that's stalking you.

LAURA: I mean, if I can get it in its head--

TALIESIN: It's a really good meatball.

SAM: Hit it!

LAURA: If I can hit it in its head, that's cool, but--

MARISHA: It's a Hail Mary pass.

TRAVIS: It'll be like, "Yeah, fuck these treats. I want that meatball."

MATT: Is this Light or Daylight?

MARISHA: Daylight.

MATT: 'Cause Daylight you just choose a sphere for it to happen.

TRAVIS: (watch talking)

MARISHA: I've totally cast Daylight on an object before.

SAM and MATT: You don't need to.

MATT: But we'll say for the purposes of this--

MARISHA: But I can do that, right?

MATT: Sure.

MARISHA: 'Cause I did that with Grog and his bull helmet.

TALIESIN: So that way it'll stay lit over there.

MARISHA: Over on the arrow.

TRAVIS: (watch talking)

MATT: Sure.

MARISHA: Like a flare--

LAURA: What is happening to your watch?

MATT: Okay, we'll go with that.

MARISHA: I don't know if that's allowed, but I know we've done that in the past.

TRAVIS: (watch talking)

MATT: Oh, it happened, it happened. So as you hit that--

TRAVIS: (watch says: "Zero miles")

SAM: What is going on?

LAURA: His watch is telling him he's working out.

MATT: You're not working out.

TRAVIS: Wow, Siri's fucking drunk right now.

(all laugh)

MATT: I don't know, man, kraken just showed up. That sounds like a workout to me.

TRAVIS: "Elevated heart rate."

LAURA: Oh, I know! It said--

TRAVIS: "Please, take a moment to breathe."

(all laugh)

MATT: Well, on that note. Okay, so you focus as she draws the arrow and pulls with intent in the back of the bow. As you do, you focus and you watch as, Vex, you aim and then close your eyes as you see this spark of energy curl off the front of the arrow. You see bright, nature-based daylight burst out of the arrow as you release it. Go ahead and make an attack against the kraken with disadvantage, please.

LAURA: Okay.

MARISHA: Come on.

LAURA: Come on!

LAURA and MARISHA: Come on!

LAURA: Come on, come on.

MATT: No, you were right, if you choose a point with an object you're holding, and one that isn't being worn, the light shines from the object. You were correct.

LAURA: 26.

MATT: 26, that hits! Go ahead and roll damage.

LAURA: (high-pitched) Okay. Well, all right!

LIAM: Totally in-character.

LAURA: (deep voice) 12 plus (normal voice) one lightning damage.

MATT: All right, so 13.

LAURA: This is not a Sneak Attack and I obviously can't have done Hunter's Mark.

MATT: Right, so the arrow sinks into the underside of the kraken's dark form. You're just barely making out bits of its shape. As the light hits, you can see now, close to it looks like ten various tentacles curling and finding its way over the top of this structure. It slams into the side, and daylight brightly sprays out from under it.

LAURA: I want it to be by its eye.

MATT: By the way, because daylight-- no, it lasts for an hour. So you watch as this light is now billowing from underneath the creature. You can watch as its pupil adjusts to the light. It does not appear to be blinded or have any issue with the daylight, however, it is now a beacon, and the arrow now partially jammed into its side, you have a very clear idea and a bright view of the battlefield around it as this kraken is now emitting light in its vicinity.


LAURA: Well, now there's shadows.

TRAVIS: And a giant megalodon comes and eats it.

(all laugh)

LAURA: Ooh, that'd be great.

MATT: So that's your first attack.

LAURA: Oh, yeah. I can't do a spell for my second? I can't do Alter Self on my second?

MATT: No, you've already attacked once, that was part of the attack action.

LAURA: I was just checking. Okay, do I still get disadvantage if I attack it again?

MATT: Yep.

LAURA: Okay, I'm gonna attack it again.

MATT: It's not about aim, it's about the actual-- the water resistance.

LAURA: Okay, I'm gonna attack it again.

MATT: Go for it.

LAURA: What's 15 plus seven?


LAURA: 22.

MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

LAURA: 12 plus... just one damn lightning damage.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: One damn.

LAURA: (Southern accent) One damn lightning damage there.

MATT: You watch as the spark of energy from the arrow hits it the second time, the daylight obstructing your view, and the energy bursts around it. The lightning damage you're used to seeing from any creature it impacts, the lightning seems to just hit its blubbery hide and vanish.

LAURA: Right, 'cause lightning-- it just did lightning. Obviously it's immune to lightning. Right. And I'm gonna use my motion to back the fuck off and try to get behind that rock outcropping. Laser pointer. Okay, yeah, sure. Just on the other side of it.

MATT: That's as far as you can get.

LAURA: Okay, cool.

MATT: Because you don't have your Alter Self form yet. You're like (swimming noises). You're slowly swimming through this water, sluggishly.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: As far as you get Trinket, you want to give Trinket any sort of movement on this?

LAURA: Yeah, can he back up behind that pillar?

MATT: Right here?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Yeah, Trinket moves up and guards himself behind the side. All right. Percival.

TALIESIN: I'm gonna use my bonus action to cast Hex on the kraken. I'm gonna Hex the kraken.

MATT: By the way, Vax, did you make--

LAURA: Oh, did I get a bonus action, I guess I could've--

MARISHA: Don't kill it, don't kill it.

TALIESIN: No, I just want to know where it is.

MATT: What do you want to do for your bonus action?

TALIESIN: There's nothing I can do to it.

LAURA: Can I hide for my bonus action as rogue?

MATT: You can.

LAURA: Yeah, I'll do that.

TALIESIN: I literally have only one power, and that's to electrocute it, which does nothing.

MARISHA: These violet candies are delicious.

TALIESIN: Really good. They're really good and they're a problem.

MARISHA: Just delicious.

TALIESIN: I'm going to dig the lodestone out of the dirt.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Don't worry about it.

TALIESIN: I'm gonna spend my turn keeping an eye on the thing I just Hexed so I know where it is.

MATT: Okay. You go ahead and spend your entire turn pulling the lodestone out, and you're now holding it in your hands.

TALIESIN: And I'm also turning to Tary and going, (whispers) find the next one, we've gotta get out of here.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: Okay. So that's your action. Do you want to move at all?

TALIESIN: Yeah, once I've got the lodestone, I wanna-- well, I don't have the bag.

LAURA: You're next to Tary, though, you can put it in his.

TALIESIN: I'm gonna put it in Tary's bag.

MATT: Okay, so you move over and you're able to go ahead and put it.

TALIESIN: And I'm gonna try and see if I can get some cover, as far away from that thing as possible. Whatever I can do.

MATT: Five, ten. You're not able really to get any cover, unfortunately, because the water's like (swimming noises), you're swimming through after putting it inside there, and you move along, you used your action to pull it up, kinda put it inside there. As the rest of the turn you just swim past, that's as far as you can get.


MATT: All right. That ends your turn.

TALIESIN: Oh, god.

MATT: All right. Now it's the kraken's turn. Let's see. Swim speed of 60 feet.

TALIESIN: Fuck you.

MATT: It coasts around, this direction. We'll say it gets over in this side here, perspective-wise. Vex, what'd you roll for your stealth again? It was--

LAURA: I didn't roll after I said I hid.

MATT: For your hide, because you're gonna hide for your bonus action, so go ahead and make your hide check.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Stealth check.

LAURA: Oh, that's good, that's good, 35.

LIAM: Rogue!

SAM: 35!

MATT: Okay. By the way, Vax, I meant to ask: go ahead and make a concentration check. So it's a constitution saving throw.

LIAM: Jeebus. I'm gonna use Luck. All right. 15.

MATT: 15. Okay, you maintain concentration on the--

LIAM: Shite.

MATT: -- Bless to you guys, so you still have that. All righty.

TALIESIN: I'm not happy with any of this.

MATT: So, the kraken is now--

MARISHA: Don't kill it, don't kill it, don't kill it.

TALIESIN: How can I?

MATT: Its tentacles begin to whip outward. It's going to make one strike against Vex--

LAURA: Aw, he saw me?

MATT: -- one strike against Tary, and one strike against Grog!


MATT: 'Cause why not?

LAURA: 35 is not good enough to hide from him!

MATT: Wait. That's right, you're hidden, so it does not. It's Tary, Percival, and Grog.

LAURA: Oh, sorry.

TALIESIN: You did this to me.

LAURA: I'm sorry, that's--

MATT: That is a total of 32 against Tary.

SAM: Sure! Oh, yeah that hits. Yeah, of course.

MATT: Percy, that is 23?

TALIESIN: Oh yeah, that hits.

MATT: And Grog, that is 23 again.

TRAVIS: It sure hits.

TALIESIN: Not speaking as Percy, this is legitimately nightmare fuel right now. I'm not sleeping tonight.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: You got a problem with--

MARISHA: You hate fish!

TALIESIN: I do, I have a--

LAURA: Oh, that's right, you hate fish!

TALIESIN: Shh! Don't tell the internet, they'll find--

MARISHA: I'm so sorry, you're so right!

TRAVIS: Do it. Full blast.

SAM: Do not send him packages of fish.

MARISHA: Holy shit.

MATT: Taryon, you take 16 bludgeoning damage.

LIAM: Trinket kraken. Trinket kraken.

MATT: Percival, you take 20 bludgeoning damage.



MATT: Grog, you take 19 bludgeoning damage.


MATT: And all three of you are grappled. The tentacle wraps around you and holds you in place. Your movement is zero currently until you try and break free.

LIAM: Oh my gosh.

LAURA: Oh god.


TRAVIS: It's just trying to get a feel for the friends that are in its space.

LAURA: Oh god, oh god.

MATT: All right. That ends the kraken's turn as it goes ahead and grapples three of your allies in the process. Grog, it's your turn.

MARISHA: That's not cool. At all.

TRAVIS: It's my turn?

MATT: Yes, it is.

TALIESIN: It can regrow tentacles.

TRAVIS: I would like to watery rage.

MATT: Okay, that's your bonus action.

TRAVIS: Yeah that's my bonus action.

TALIESIN: You should see a doctor about that.

TRAVIS: And can I smash the titanstone knuckles together to cast Enlarge on myself?

MATT: Yes, you can. So, you shift into your larger form.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'm a bigger fish now.

LAURA: This is bad.

MATT: You are still grappled by the creature, but you are larger.

TALIESIN: This is monstrous.

TRAVIS: Can I fight with the strength of the (sings) titanstone knuckles to break that grapple?

MATT: To slam your gauntlets together, that wasn't-- Does it specify an action on the ability? Look at the item.

TRAVIS: It is an action.


MATT: So you cannot break free currently this turn. That is your action to transform. You're still grappled.

TRAVIS: He just got a bigger chew toy.

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Sweet. I'm digging it. That's my turn.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Can't do anything else.

MATT: Tary!

SAM: Ah!

MATT: You're up.

SAM: Me?

MATT: Yes.

SAM: Oh, Christ.

MATT: You're currently grappled, you can't move.

SAM: I can't move my hands or anything.

MATT: You can. I mean, you can't move, like your movement is zero.

SAM: My body.

MATT: You can do things. You can still cast. Any attacks are at disadvantage because you are currently restrained within the grapple.

SAM: Okay. The attacks are at disadvantage. Jesus.

MATT: Attack rolls. Spells are still as effective but--

SAM: I'm going to reach for my robes, so carefully sewn by young Laura Bailey.

LIAM: Who?


SAM: And rip off-- I think I have a patch.

TALIESIN: Like Velcro pants.

SAM: Don't I have some spells on there?

LIAM: Stop. Tary time.

MARISHA: (sings "Hammer Time")

SAM: Is that from my robe or is that somewhere else? No, you gave me some scroll spells. Some spell scrolls.

MATT: You have some spell scrolls, you have patches on your robe, and you have your helmet.

SAM: I wrote down that I have a hypnotic pattern somehow. Was that a patch or was that something else?

TALIESIN: Hypnotic pattern?

MATT: That's not part of your helmet, so that would probably be one of your patches.

SAM: It must have been a--

TALIESIN: Like a boy scout!

SAM: It must have been a patch or something. Oh yeah! Yeah yeah yeah, patch! It's a patch. It's a patch.

TALIESIN: Bravery!

MATT: Okay.

SAM: I'm ripping off a patch.

MATT: Okay. So you rip off one of the patches and you go ahead, and you're using Hypnotic Pattern?

SAM: Yes.

MATT: That weaves through the air and creates a 30-foot cube within range. So you create a hypnotic pattern around the exterior--

SAM: Correct.

MATT: -- of the face of the kraken where the eyes are.

SAM: Yes.

MATT: So as you tear the patch off, you release it in the water and you watch the patch slowly drift up and for a second you're like, "Nothing happened!"

SAM: Wait, what?

MATT: And there's a spark out of your hand (pff) and you watch as suddenly there's an array of colors and various flashes in the face, in the area around the kraken's face.

SAM: Oh. Oh I do-- it worked! Okay.

MATT: Wisdom saving throw. What's your DC? On the item?

SAM: On the item. Jesus. So many things.

LAURA: Magic is hard, guys.

SAM: I know!

TALIESIN: Wasn't it easier when you just had to rhyme?

SAM: I know, right? It just says 'Spell scroll'. The item-- I mean, I think it's mine.

MATT: This is the Robe of Useful Items, correct?

SAM: Oh. Does that have its own DC?

MATT: The spell scroll-- oh yes, it is one of the scrolls.

TALIESIN: It's nice to see someone else going through this.


SAM: It's just one of the scrolls.

MATT: So yeah, I'll say I'll just use your DC.


MATT: Yeah.

SAM: Is 17.

MATT: 17. Wisdom save on that.

MARISHA: Spells suck.

MATT: That is a 21. So yes, it saves.

MARISHA: They're great.

SAM: Ah, shit.

MATT: Unfortunately.

SAM: I thought we were taking him out.

MATT: So as the spark hits, the slight flash vanishes and you watch as the lids are still closed tight and they open with this horrible sickening sliding sound and the glowing yellow eyes still seem trained on various allies of yours in the vicinity.

LAURA: Does he gots two eyes or just the one eyes?

MATT: Two eyes.

LAURA: Got it.

MATT: All right. Is that your turn, Taryon?

TALIESIN: He's not a pirate.

SAM: I mean--


SAM: Yeah.

MATT: All right, top of the round.

SAM: I mean-- I think I'll cast--

TRAVIS: Holy shit.

SAM: No. I mean, he's got me grappled. I can't do Sanctuary, right? He's already got me.

MATT: Well, you've already used your action to try and use the patch.

SAM: That's a bonus action.

MATT: The patch is a bonus action?

SAM: Uh, no, the Sanctuary is a bonus action.

MATT: Then you can do that, yeah.

SAM: All right, I'll cast Sanctuary on-- on myself.

MATT: Okay. Sanctuary on yourself.

TRAVIS: Don't act like you have to choose who it goes on.

MATT: All right, Vax, you're up.

LIAM: Oh my god.

MATT: You glance just barely over the side and you can see it's already wrapped up Grog, Taryon, and Percy with its tentacles.

TRAVIS: But one of us does not look concerned.

LIAM: Shit.

MARISHA: Get 'em undone.

TALIESIN: I'm fine.

LIAM: What'd you say?

MARISHA: Get them undone.

LIAM: I'm going to start-- who's the closest of all the people grappled to me?

MATT: That'd be Grog.

LIAM: Grog, all right. I'm going to start swimming there over the shells. And I'll blow--

MATT: (counts) That's as far as you can go.

LIAM: And I'll use my bonus action for more movement.

MARISHA: I hadn't gotten that far.

MATT: Okay, to dash?

LIAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: Give me a week.

MATT: That'll give you just the time to swim right next to him.

LIAM: Okay. And I'd like to use Whisper to tear into the tentacle holding him to try to get him free of it.

MATT: Okay. So are you attempting to--

LIAM: To un-grapple him.

MATT: Un-grapple him? All right. I need you to go ahead and make a-- because this is not you in the grapple, this is him--

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: This is an athletics check.

LIAM: Athletics check, goddammit Matt!

MATT: Acrobatics is to escape from it. To help somebody else you're having to actually physically force it off.

LIAM: Plus-- that's shit. Shit. Fuck. 11.

MATT: Nope. You try and grab, you're hacking at the side, but as you're hacking with the blade, you're watching as it's not quite beating past the hide of the tentacle around it.

LIAM: Okay. I'm out.

MATT: Okay. Keyleth, you're up.

MARISHA: I knew that's what you were going to say. So all my friends are still grappled.

MATT: A lot of them are, yeah.

TALIESIN: Three of them.

MATT: Three of them.

TRAVIS: Just go get the lodestones.

MARISHA: Yeah, I'm going to cast Locate Object, see if I can find that third lodestone.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: They're fine. You're fine. You're level 16, motherfuckers. You're fine.

TALIESIN: Oh god, I want to die.

MARISHA: I want to find the lodestone.

LIAM: I've been in a dragon.

TALIESIN: Please help.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Locate Object.

MATT: All right. The third lodestone is in the direction and just past-- it's this way, at least.

MARISHA: I'm sorry.

LAURA: Wait, which direction?

MATT: So you're here.

MARISHA: Your hand is lateral.

MATT: You're here.


MATT: It's going this way.

MARISHA: Towards the way your hand is going.

MATT: Correct.

TALIESIN: There from you.

MARISHA: Okay, I'm going to use my Alter Self swim speed.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: And swim that direction as far as I can. Do I get a better location on it?

MATT: You get there, and you're still feeling it in this direction.

MARISHA: I'll double my speed.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Yeah, that's really confusing. On a fundamental level.

MARISHA: Can I do another investigation check? Is it near me?

MATT: Unfortunately, no. Investigation is one of those things where you spend your action moving through and searching in the vicinity. Other than your bonus action, that's about as much as you can get. You just feel it's in this direction from you.

MARISHA: Okay. As a bonus action, who's near me?

MATT: The kraken's about 20 feet above you.

MARISHA: Yeah yeah yeah yeah. Party members.

MATT: Party members, you have Percival, Taryon, and Vax. I'm sorry, that's Vex over there.

MARISHA: Okay. I'm going to do-- you're fine, right?


MARISHA: You're great. I'm going to do a Grasping Vine and see if I can get Taryon out of the kraken's grasp with Grasping Vine.

MATT: Okay. From--

MARISHA: A lot of big words.

TALIESIN: Get Taryon out of the kraken's grasp with Grasping Vine.

MATT: Where does the Grasping Vine start from?

MARISHA: Can I get it kind of towards that-- sorry, deal with me. This guy here?

MATT: This stone?

MARISHA: Yeah. Yeah yeah yeah.

MATT: Right there? Okay so a vine curls up, whips towards--

MARISHA: Taryon.

MATT: Taryon. Wraps around--

SAM: (choking sounds)


MATT: For this, I'm going to say this is an imposed check of the vine versus the kraken's strength.

MARISHA: Strength?

MATT: I need you to go ahead and roll and add your wisdom modifier.

SAM: You're tearing me apart.

MARISHA: People-killer. People-killer! That's good!


MARISHA: My strength?

MATT: No, your wisdom modifier.

LAURA: No, your wisdom.

TRAVIS: Wisdom.

MARISHA: Oh, just my modifier?

MATT: Just your wisdom modifier.

LIAM: Wise as fuck.

MARISHA: Wise as fuck, motherfucker! That was a 15. 26!

MATT: 26. It tugs and tugs, but it's not strong enough to break free.

LAURA: Oh no! He's so strong!

MATT: The vine is now pulling back and forth between the tentacle and Taryon's like, argh! Being pulled from both sides.

TALIESIN: Drop it, drop it!

MARISHA: (yells)

SAM: (yells)

LAURA: Oh no!

MATT: Unfortunately.

LAURA: It's the Dread Emperor all over again!

TALIESIN: All over again. Nope. Don't say it.

TRAVIS: Break him.

MATT: It's a very strong creature.

MARISHA: Okay, but I'm still-- someone, over here! And that's all I get.

MATT: Okay, ending Keyleth's turn we come to the top of the round, I need everyone to go ahead and make a constitution saving throw as once again--

MARISHA: All of us?

MATT: Once again, the kraken, its eyes light up blue and its tentacles release another burst of electrical energy in the vicinity.

TRAVIS: #blessed

MATT: #blessed

TRAVIS: Constitution, right?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: (zapping noise)

SAM: 15

MATT: 19 points of lightning damage


MATT: 19 points of lightning damage

TALIESIN: God damn it!


MATT: Ooh, 19 points of lightning damage.

LIAM: Six, Deathwalker's Ward.

MATT: 19 reduced to nine points of lightning damage.

LAURA: I get 19 points.

MATT: 19 points.

TRAVIS: 32, and I have resistance to lightning damage with the Exalted Knuckles.

MATT: All right so you take five points of lightning damage. Trinket?

LAURA: Natural 20! Just kidding, he gets it, too.

(all laugh)

MATT: Okay, so that is 19 points of lightning damage. At the end of that turn, the kraken is going to go ahead and use-- let's see-- get in range here-- going to go ahead and use one of its legendary actions to do a tentacle attack against Keyleth.

LIAM: Good gravy.

MATT: That is 29.

MARISHA: That definitely hits.

SAM: This is a powerful creature.

TRAVIS: It's like a crustacean beholder.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: Keyleth, you take 21 points of bludgeoning damage.

MARISHA: That really-- that hurts, 21 points, I'm at 91 so 21 puts me to 70, right? Yeah.

MATT: I will say I will use these red markers here as people that are currently grappled.

TRAVIS: Gra-pelled?

MATT: Because you are now currently grappled and restrained, Keyleth.


LAURA: (gasp) Oh yeah, he can grapple like all of us! (Southern accent) He's got enough of those tentacles.

(all laugh)

MARISHA: Who's not grappled?


MATT: Oh, Percival, because of your Hex, I need you to go ahead and make a constitution saving throw.

LIAM: Your accent is showing.

LAURA: (Southern accent) It's showing?

LIAM: Yeah.

LAURA: Oh no.

LIAM: (Southern accent) You're talking like that.

TALIESIN: That's a 19.

MARISHA: (Southern accent) The later the hour gets--

MATT: Okay, you're fine.

LAURA: (still Southern) No that's mom.

MARISHA: The longer-- mom's been in town for a while.

MATT: That brings us to Vex. Vex, what are you doing? You watch as four of your allies are now grappled by this creature.

LAURA: Fucking A. I gotta use the Alter Self, so I can actually do something, though. I won't be able to get to anybody, I'm just going to waste a turn.

MARISHA: Laughing at your accent.

MATT: All right, so you cast Alter Self on you as an action?

LAURA: Oh, am I still doing it?

MARISHA: A little.

LIAM: Little bit.

LAURA: (extra posh) I'm using Alter Self.

MATT: All right, so you grab the coin that Taryon gave you. You focus on it--

LIAM: Does say elf.

MATT: And your gills suddenly pull from the side, and all your fingers get webbed suddenly, and you begin to be able to move at your full--

LAURA: Okay, I'm gonna swim behind the rock-- god damn it, lightning-- laser, no! The other rock, sorry.

MATT: This rock here?

LAURA: Yeah, but on the other side of it.

MATT: Okay so that's (counts)--

LAURA: And I'm gonna--

MATT: Your full movement.

LAURA: And I'm gonna use my bonus action to hide again.

MATT: Okay. You still have your action, by the way.


MATT: That was your movement to get the-- oh, no no no--

LAURA: No no no, I used Alter Self.

MATT: Sorry, sorry, action was spell, movement, you're right, bonus action.

LAURA: Bonus action to hide.

MATT: Okay, make a stealth check.

SAM: Trinket has to save us all.

TRAVIS: Trinket's pretty low (laughs).

LAURA: And you cast a spell so we can't use Pass Without a Trace Anymore? So that's 24.


MATT: Okay. So you're keeping low. At the end of your turn, it's going to use its other two legendary actions to do Lightning--

MARISHA: No, no, I cast Grasping Vine, which is technically a bonus action. It should not impede with my concentration spell, so we should still have Pass Without A Trace, correct? Nope! I cast Locate Object--

LAURA: Yeah, you did.

MARISHA: Totally ruined that!

MATT: Yep. Sorry.

MARISHA: Sorry! Nope.

MATT: That's okay.

Marish: Lodestone--

SAM: Marisha argues with herself and loses.

TRAVIS: Totally loses.

MARISHA: Yep, podcast coming to the alpha network. Project Alpha.

MATT: It uses Lightning Storm with its two other actions and begins to charge up now, and as most of you are in the vicinity you watch as the front of its mouth-- you now see between the darkness of the daylight that is glowing beneath it, the light begins to surge electrical energy. You see this strange beaked, sharp mouth that opens and as it does, bolts of thick lightning energy shock out from it. That's going to be hitting Grog, Vax, and Percival.

LIAM: Bless.

MATT: So I need you guys to make dexterity saving throws please.


MARISHA: Big money no whammies, big money no whammies!


MATT: 23, you take 11 points of lightning damage.

TALIESIN: That'll do.

SAM: Oh, wow.

LIAM: 27.

MATT: You take no points of lightning damage because of your Evade.

SAM: Wow!

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: And?

TRAVIS: 11, but I have resistance to lightning damage.

MATT: Right, so you take--

LIAM: Pirouette.

MATT: -- 11 points of lightning damage. All right, that brings us to Percival's turn. You are still grappled and held in the creature's grasp.


MARISHA: Just get out, man.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I'm going to try and-- is acrobatics a way to get out of this?

MATT: Acrobatics or athletics, your choice.

TALIESIN: I'll take acrobatics.

(all laugh)

MATT: All right.

LAURA: All of us wiggling.

TALIESIN: All right, so here go. Let's roll well. I get advantage on this, right?


TALIESIN: Okay, just thought I'd see if I could sneak that through. I rolled a really-- I can't reroll that with Resolve can I? No, 'cause it's not a save.

MARISHA: It's a big-ass kraken, though, it's not bad.


MATT: 16? You try and slide through, but it's holding too fast. You can't escape, unfortunately. So that's your action.

TALIESIN: Do I have anything-- with anything else, do I have anything I can do? Is there a bonus action thing I can do here? No, I am just-- yeah. I think about how easy it would be to reload my gun right now if I had one.

MATT: Okay. That's your turn?

TALIESIN: That's-- yeah.

MATT: All right. It is now the kraken's turn. The kraken is going to shift over here. Still holding you guys in this vicinity, pushes past the area, kind of reaching the ground area. We're going to say push you up to there. It's going to go ahead and make a bite attack against you, Grog, you're the largest meat in this circumstance. That is going to be a 27 to hit.

TRAVIS: That hits.

MATT: All right. So you take 27 points of piercing damage. Because you are raging it is halved, to we'll say 14 points of damage. However. As it pulls towards you, its tentacles just pull towards you, that piercing beak just (gulp noise) swallows you.

ALL: What?!

MATT: You suddenly-- everything goes dark, and you feel yourself being pulled into the dark interior of the kraken, the burning numbness of the acid of its interior beginning to burn away at the outside of your flesh. You are restrained, you are inside, you are blind.


LAURA: Oh my god.

MATT: You watch Grog, even in his large form, just disappear inside the kraken's maw. That's going to bring us to Grog's turn!

TRAVIS: Cool. I'm in the womb again.

MATT: Yes you are.

TRAVIS: There's fluid. Do I hear a heartbeat?

MATT: Very faintly you hear (heartbeat sounds). It's like a triple heartbeat.

TRAVIS: Nice. Right. Cool. Am I restrained anymore?

MATT: Yes.

TRAVIS: Because I'm in the gut?

MATT: Because you're inside, being crushed by its interior muscles as it's pulling you towards its digestive tract.

LIAM: It's fun, isn't it?

TRAVIS: Nice, cool, yeah.

LAURA: how do you break free of being restrained?

TRAVIS: That threw off my plan.

LIAM: Attack with disadvantage.

TRAVIS: How about-- Yeah, let's try-- God, can I even make a melee attack here?

MATT: You can, it's at disadvantage.

TRAVIS: Yeah, let's give it a whirl, and I'll make it a reckless attack.

MARISHA: Yeah yeah yeah!

LIAM: Bless.

MATT: Okay, go for it.

TRAVIS: Bless.

MATT: Now it's a regular attack, just one roll.

LIAM: Bless roll. Bless roll. Make that big roll.

MARISHA: Come on. Come on. You're still blessed yeah?

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'm still blessed.

TALIESIN: #blessed.

TRAVIS: That's a 30.

MATT: 30 hits.

TALIESIN: You hit a creature from inside of it--

MARISHA: Inside of it, yeah yeah yeah.

TALIESIN: There's literally nowhere your fists could go that wouldn't hit it.

LIAM: But it's like--


MATT: 23, okay.

LAURA: Are you punching it?

TRAVIS: Nah, I'm hitting it with the dwarven thrower.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: Two hits.

MATT: Attacking again?


MATT: Same thing?


MATT: One roll.

TRAVIS: 10. 26.

MATT: 26 hits. Roll damage.


MATT: 22. All right.

TRAVIS: And my bonus action-- I would like to be very discouraged about my current state of affairs.

MATT: Just regular rage right now, right?

TRAVIS: Yep, just regular. Can I use my bonus action to go into a frenzied rage because I have never been swallowed? And I don't like it.

MATT: Okay. Let me check one thing real fast, as far as the frenzied rage goes.

LAURA: That's good, that's good, that's good.

TALIESIN: How do you get un-swallowed?

MARISHA: Please don't kill the kraken!

TRAVIS: Fuck this big squid.

MARISHA: Gonna have a really hard time explaining that to my ancestors.

TRAVIS: We can kill them, too, it's not a problem.

MARISHA: That's not-- no.

LAURA: Maybe we can just rip open its guts and then leave it.

MATT: All right, so we'll leave that as the turn. So you go into a frenzied rage as your bonus.


TALIESIN: We'll resuscitate the kraken if it comes to it.

MARISHA: I could do that!

TALIESIN: If we have to resuscitate a kraken--

TALIESIN and MARISHA: -- we can resuscitate the kraken.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: Okay, that ends your turn, Grog.


MATT: Tary.

SAM: Pfft. Still grappled, yes?

MATT: Still grappled and restrained, yes.

TALIESIN: Grappling with many things.

SAM: I feel like I should not be here, but there's no way I can break free. He's super strong, and I'm not. So--

TALIESIN: Keep fucking with him.

MATT: As a note, too, those--

MARISHA: Find the lodestone. I did tell you to find the lodestone.

MATT: I forgot earlier.

LAURA: He's grappled.

SAM: (muffled) Okay!

MATT: Any of you that are grappled or restrained by the creature have disadvantage on your dexterity saving throws. I forgot about it earlier. It's fine going forward. Keep that in mind.


LIAM: Okay.

SAM: Okay. On dexterity saves.

TALIESIN: Thanks, chat room.

MATT: Mm-hm. I just remembered from the rules, here.


SAM: I will rip off--

MATT: I'm sure chat room was on that.

TALIESIN: I'm sure chat room was.

SAM: I will rip off another patch. I'm just using all my tricks.

TALIESIN: You don't need no stinkin' patches.

SAM: I will rip off another patch and use, because I'm touching it, I will use Vampiric Touch.


MATT: Okay!

TALIESIN: Take you to a goth club.

LIAM: The twins like.

MATT: Hah, take you to the goth club. All righty.

SAM: I think that's a touch spell, right?

MATT: It is, you still have to roll an attack to hit it--

SAM: Shit.

MATT: But it's a melee spell attack, I'm pretty sure. So Vampiric Touch. All right, so you use your action to cast it on yourself and then make a melee spell attack against the creature, so go ahead and roll a d20. With disadvantage because you are restrained.

SAM: Aw. So the lower of those two.


SAM: I can't use Luck on the lower of those two?

MATT: You can.

SAM: Oh. Okay. Okay, that's better. Still not gonna be enough. Plus my spell attack bonus? Is that what, how--?

MATT: Yes.

SAM: That's still not gonna be enough. So that's 20?

MATT: 20 hits!

SAM: Oh!

MATT: Yeah!

TALIESIN: Worth it.

MATT: All righty, so that's 3d6 necrotic damage

SAM: That's not a lot


TALIESIN: That'll help.

SAM: That's not a lot.

LAURA: No, that's something.

SAM: Oh, nine, 14!

MATT: 14, so you do 14 points of necrotic damage to the kraken, and you regain seven hit points.

LAURA: (gasps)

LIAM: Hey.

SAM: Nice!

MATT: As you draw its life force away, grabbing onto the tendrils of its tentacles like, “Argh!” You watch as the necrotic energy pulses into it and pulls the life force into you

SAM: Okay.

MATT: All righty.

SAM: Y'know, small but okay.

MATT: All right.

SAM: And once again casting, recasting Sanctuary on myself.

MATT: All righty.

SAM: Because it went away when I did that.

MATT: Sanctuary is concentration?

SAM: No, well, I don't know, but it goes away when I attack him.

MATT: True. However, if sanctuary is a concentration, 'cause Vampiric Touch is also a concentration.

SAM: Well, it would have gone away either way, right?

MATT: I'm saying, if Sanctuary is a concentration spell--

LAURA: Oh, you can keep up Vampiric Touch if you want.

MATT: Yeah, you could do it every turn, if you wanted.

SAM: Oh, I can?

LIAM: Just keep yankin' that out.

SAM: Oh, well then, I'll just keep it going.

MATT: If you wanted to.

SAM: Yes, I do, I do.

MATT: The Sanctuary is not concentration. It lasts for a minute. So your Sanctuary's still on, you don't have to cast it again-- Oh no, you did attack. So you cast it again.

SAM: So I do have to cast it again.


MATT: But yeah, so you can have both on.

SAM: Okay. I have both on.

MATT: There we go. There we go, we figured that out.

LIAM: Lot of rules.

MATT: All righty. Top of the round. Vax, you're up.

LIAM: Okay, I'm gonna use Disengage to kick away from this big fucking thing and start-- I'm hasted, so I should be able to get to Keyleth.

MATT: (counting)

LIAM: And she's grappled, correct?

MATT: She is.

LIAM: I'm just gonna start cutting. So, try to do what I did with Grog before.

MATT: Okay

LIAM: So, athletics, you said?

MATT: Yeah, I'd say cutting at the tentacle-- I mean, both are pretty rough for you because you don't do a lot of damage with the dagger. I'll say for the sake of going forward in this, go ahead and make an attack roll.

LIAM: Attack roll. I'm gonna use my last Luck of the day. Because that was a one.

MARISHA: Can I say anything to him in the process?

MATT: Yeah, you can.


MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: I say (garbled) Lodestone! Right there!

LIAM: I ignore and I keep cutting.

TALIESIN: I like that we all keep doing that with the fingers.

SAM: That's, we got that one already.

LIAM: 16, 29, that's very high. 31.

MATT: 31 hits, go ahead and roll damage.

SAM: We don't know where the next one is.

TALIESIN: She does.

MATT: Not Sneak Attack.

LIAM: Right.

MARISHA: No, this is the next one!

SAM: You found it?

TALIESIN: She found the next one.

MARISHA: This is the next one, I found it, where I am!

LIAM: Because even though she's grappled, it's still way far away.

MATT: Yeah. The actual body, the sensitive part of the body is away.

LIAM: All right, so, where the hell-- two, plus ten-- oh boy.

MARISHA: I'm right there. That's me, the lodestone is over here somewhere.

SAM: (sings) That's me in the ocean…

SAM, TALIESIN, and MARISHA: (sing) That's me in the spotlight--

LIAM: That's 15.

MATT: 15 points of damage?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: All right, you just rush to the side of her and begin hacking away at the tentacle. You watch as you're carving into it and it begins to break away. It doesn't fully--

LIAM: I've got one more attack, so I'll keep going then.

MATT: Okay, go for it.

LIAM: All right. This is venom. That's 24, plus--

MATT: That hits.

LIAM: Okay, good, plus nothing. Where the hell do I keep putting my dice? Where's a four? Where's a fucking four? There it is, plus four is ten. I'll unload some poison in it, that's a DC 15.

MATT: Okay, it succeeds.

LIAM: Okay. Is it halved then, or nothing, for the poison?

MATT: What does it say on the item?

SAM: Percival! Take this down..


LIAM: It doesn't say anything about halving it.

MATT: Yeah, so it's just--

LIAM: So I guess that means zero.

MATT: Nothing.

LIAM: So ten, for the second.

MATT: Ten points of damage. Okay, it doesn't quite carve away entirely.

LIAM: God damn.

MATT: It's close, you can see it's taking damage and the tentacle's starting to pull away--

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: But it's still holding her fast. You're still grappled.

MARISHA: I'm still grappled.

MATT: That's the end of your turn?

LIAM: That's the end of my turn.

MATT: Okay. End of your turn, it's going to make a Bash action. Since Taryon and Percival are right next to each other, it takes the two tentacles, pulls them back,

TRAVIS: Oh my god

MATT: Whack! And slams them into each other.


TRAVIS: (cackling)

MATT: Both of you guys take 11 points of bludgeoning damage

TALIESIN: Oh my god.

MATT: And are pushed adjacent to each other, which you already are.

TRAVIS: I like this thing.

MATT: So, that's that.

TALIESIN: I am not having a happy time. 11 points?

MATT: All right. Keyleth, you're up.

MARISHA: Hm, hm hm hm. So I'm still attached?

MATT: You are, yes. Yeah, there's a 30-foot reach on each of these tentacles, so you're still just on the outskirts of its reach. It's damaged, it's hurt, it would be easier to break free, but it would take your action to do so.

MARISHA: Hm. I turn to Vax, grappled, and I say Lodestone!, and I point with the best direction that I can with my remaining--

MATT: Okay, so you point this way.

SAM: Did it make its wisdom saving throw when it attacked me?

MATT: Actually, you are part of the Bash, so that is an 18, plus 12. So yeah, 30.

SAM: Well then, yes it did.

(all laugh)

MATT: Yeah, sorry.

TRAVIS: Well, fuck. No need to add it up.

TALIESIN: Oh, I have a saving throw, constitution-- I have a concentration--

MATT: Yes, you do.


MATT: What'd you roll?


MATT: Yeah, Hex is gone, sorry buddy

MARISHA: Who's still grappled?

MATT: You are.


MARISHA: Taryon and Percy?

MATT: Taryon, Percival--

MATT: Grog has been swallowed.

TALIESIN: Grog is in the belly of the beast.

MARISHA: And Grog.

TRAVIS: Don't worry about me.

MATT: Yes.


TALIESIN: He's happy. He's in a better place.

MARISHA: I look at the twins, and I say 'Lodestone! There-ish!'

LAURA: I'm on the other side of the rock but I can hear you.

MARISHA: Lodestone! And I do Control Water?

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: And I'm gonna redirect flow, and I'm gonna push all of us-- I don't give a fuck, we'll be fine, in the direction. You see my laser

MATT: This way? You push yourself--

MARISHA: I want to point us away. So I'm gonna redirect flow and go poof! And push us away from the lodestone, in the direction of everyone else.

LAURA: (gasps)

MATT: This way. How many feet of movement?

LAURA: Oh my god, can you get the water away from the kraken and maybe it'll just be on, like, landlocked?

MARISHA: I can redirect the current of the ocean for a temporary amount of time.

LAURA: Right, right.

MATT: Okay, so you and Vax both?

MARISHA: All of us, just, me and the kraken, and I guess everyone who's still grappled by him are going this way.

MATT: Okay, keeping Vax away.

MARISHA: Vax and Vex are probably still away.

MATT: Okay

MARISHA: I'm going (sound effects)

MATT: Okay, so I want you to roll a d20 and add your wisdom modifier

MARISHA: Roll a d20 and add my wisdom modifier?

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: I've got advantage on that, right?


MARISHA: Because of Heroes' Feast?

LAURA: (gasps)

MATT: It's your wisdom modifier. It's a wisdom check, not a wisdom saving throw.

LAURA and LIAM: Not a wisdom save.

MARISHA: Ooh! That's good! That's a seventeen!

LAURA: (laughs) That was, like, such a grandma reaction. 'Ooh!'

MARISHA: Plus 11, eight, 28! Ooh!

MATT: The strength of your control water does actually--


MATT: -- is stronger than the kraken's current ability to hold itself in place, so yes--

MARISHA: Fuck yeah it is!

MATT: The kraken gets pushed this way about 20 feet.

SAM: Does it lose its grip on us?

MATT: You guys get dragged around by 20 feet.

MARISHA: Did he lose his grip, come on!

MATT: And you get dragged along with it 20 feet.

MARISHA: Wait, who? Me?

LIAM and LAURA: You.

MATT: Yeah, it pulls you--

MARISHA: Not Vex and Vax?


MATT: Not Vex and Vax. Just you.


MATT: You forced the kraken this way. So yes.


MATT: Maintaining concentration, your Locate Object fails, but you're still controlling, and you push the kraken, and the rest of the allies that are grappled, along with it.

MARISHA: Get the lodestone!

LAURA: Right.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Were we supposed to get something?

MATT: That finishes Keyleth's turn. We're at the top of this here. So, let's see.

MARISHA: Bathroom, I'll be back.


LIAM: Same.

TALIESIN: Here to help.


SAM: (sings) That's me in the kraken...

MATT: As the water begins to force the kraken this way, with it being pulled and dragged across part of the rock nearby, and seeing everyone pushed in that direction, it turns and tilts sideways, and as it does, it pulses with muscles, and releases this giant cloud of ink--


MATT: -- that swallows this vicinity 60 feet in the area. The entire surrounding vicinity of the battlefield, all of a sudden, is now heavily obscured by black ink.

TRAVIS: Awesome.

LAURA: I bet it looks really cool with the daylight passing through it, though, huh?

MATT: It doesn't-- it encompasses the area and blocks out the daylight.

TALIESIN: It's like watching creamer in coffee in reverse.

MATT: Kind of, yeah. Like the ancient in Neverending Story.

TALIESIN: (sings)

LAURA: Awesome.

MATT: Basically, yeah.

LAURA: "I can't, I have to keep my feet on the ground!"

MATT: Vex, it's your turn.

LAURA: That's me.

SAM: Now that Vax and Keyleth are gone, do you guys hear the faint flapping of wings and moaning?

LAURA: Oh, creepy. Really creepy. I am going to-- Matt's like.

TALIESIN: God damn it.

LAURA: -- swim up and over towards my brother.

TALIESIN: Thank you for that.

LAURA: Towards where she was pointing the lodestone.

MATT: That's one movement there.

SAM: Lodestone!

LAURA: That's with the altered self?

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: Just like her.

LAURA: I'm gonna have Trinket-- wow, okay.

MATT: You just move out of range of the kraken, but it does not see you because of your hide check earlier, so it does not get an attack of opportunity.

LAURA: Awesome. I'm gonna have Trinket, for my bonus action, swim up on top of the kraken's back.

MATT: All right. We'll say Trinket's right there.

LAURA: And try to claw through, because he saw Grog get swallowed.

MATT: Okay. There is Trinket, currently grappling onto him.

LAURA: He's just claws, like, thinking he's going to get to the belly. He's going to attack him with a claw attack.

MATT: Okay, so make your claw attack against him.

TRAVIS: Does it have to be at disadvantage?

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: Damn it, that was a good one.

MATT: I mean, all attacks are at disadvantage underwater.


TALIESIN: It's good. Nothing bad happened.

LAURA: 25.

MATT: Okay. 25? That does hit. Go ahead and roll damage for cr-- for Trinket.

LAURA: For creamer! Did you say creamer?

MATT: I was thinking "Crinket".

LAURA: Oh, okay.

MATT: Different creature. That was with disadvantage, right?


TRAVIS: 18 and a 16.

MATT: Nice.

LAURA: Five plus eight is...


LAURA: 13!

TALIESIN: If only we'd brought your robot.

MATT: 13 points of slashing damage, as Trinket just rakes into the side of the kraken, cutting four distinct lines through the side of its armored crustacean exterior.

TRAVIS: It does have that armored out like a lobster? It's not soft and rubbery like an octopus?

MATT: No, no, there are parts of-- the underside is, but a lot of it has this crustacean-like armor on the outside.


MATT: All right.

LAURA: And I guess I still have an action, because I can't get close enough to search for the lodestone?

MATT: Correct.

LAURA: So I'm gonna try the thing that I saw very noisy Keyleth try earlier, which is to shoot out Grasping Vine and try to break someone free with it.

MATT: Grasping Vine is a bonus action spell.

LAURA: Grasping Vine-- oh.

MARISHA: Not concentration, bonus action spell.

MATT: Yeah, but she already used her bonus action to let Trinket attack.

MARISHA: That sucks.

LAURA: Oh. Okay! Then I'm gonna cast Conjure Animals and I'm gonna try to cast-- that's third level. I get summoned fey creatures, so what's a fey creature that swims underwater?

MATT: I don't know, what's a fey creature that swims underwater?

MARISHA: You know, things that the Player's Handbook does not tell you. I just want to point that out.

SAM: I will say this, I know this for a fact, that it says in the Player's Handbook, the Dungeon Master will help you select a fey creature.

(all yell)

MATT: You realize this doesn't help you...

TALIESIN: Player's Handbook says a lot of things, doesn't it?

LIAM: You just got chat roomed.

MARISHA: Conjure Woodland Beings, it says right here--

SAM: Does it say it?

MARISHA: Hang on.

MATT: To what CR, does the spell say?

LAURA: To what?

MARISHA: The DM has creature statistics.



SAM: Okay, it says the DM has creature statistics.

MATT: Great.

TALIESIN: Do you have creature statistics, DM?

MATT: Let me pick one out for you.

LAURA: I have my card, wait--

TALIESIN: We're gonna get little fey minnows.

MARISHA: Roll initiative for the summoned creatures as a group.

LIAM: Edge-of-your-seat action from Critical Role.

SAM: Who can look up the stats first?

MATT: A fey creature...

TALIESIN: Full-contact stats.

MATT: There are a lot of fey creatures in the Monster Manual, Wizards of the Coast. Just want to point that out.

MARISHA: You know, I will say, it's a little bullshit.

TALIESIN: There's shade being thrown in every direction tonight, isn't there?

MARISHA: It's a little bullshit.

LAURA: What is a rating one? Is that super lame?

SAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: Yeah. Yeah.

LAURA: Rating two is still super lame?

MARISHA: Well, okay, so us as killer whales, we're challenge rating three. Except none of us are killer whales.

MATT: Okay, so you're conjuring a fey creature of challenge rating--


MATT: Two. One creature.


MATT: Of two or lower. Okay. So.

TRAVIS: You make Sebastian the crab.

MARISHA: You get one fey creature--

MATT: I fucking hate Summoning spells so much, they are the bane of my existence.

LAURA: I'm sorry!

MATT: Oh, it's okay.

MARISHA: They're friendly, they roll initiative--

MATT: Because they're not in the beast section.

TALIESIN: They sing like Disney characters.

MARISHA: And they sing like Disney characters.

TALIESIN: They braid your hair for a bonus action.

MARISHA: Basically, Tangled. But not.

LAURA: I'm sorry, Matthew!

MATT: It's fine, it's cool.

LAURA: I'm sorry!

MATT: I remember all this. It's gonna be great.

TALIESIN: Have we finally broken Mercer?

MARISHA: You know, but like for real, they never tell you the best creatures.

LAURA: It can be-- you know what? It can be an animal. I'm conjuring an animal. I can conjure an animal. I'm gonna conjure a shark. I've seen a shark.

MATT: Fey creature.

LAURA: Why does it have to be a fey creature? I'm conjuring an animal.

TALIESIN: Wait, I can do this.

MARISHA: You know, that's a good point.

MATT: You know what? I'll let you. Sure.

SAM: Sea hag!

MARISHA: (gasps) Is that a thing?

LAURA: It's considered fey.

SAM: Sea hag is a fey. Two challenge.

MARISHA: Thank you, Google.

SAM: Sea hag!

LAURA: It says, 'Each beast is considered fey.'

MATT: Oh, I see.

LAURA: You can summon fey spirits that take the form of beasts.

MARISHA: And you can get a hunter shark--

MATT: You are right.

MARISHA: -- which is a challenge rating of two.

LAURA: Okay. I cast a shark.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: Hunter Shark!

MATT: Where do you want it to appear?

TALIESIN: It's a hunter shark, but it's fey because it's dyed its hair with a pastel pattern.

LAURA: Right around the kraken. I want it swimming around the kraken to distract it.

MATT: All right, we'll say it's right there. You get a shark now at the kraken.

MARISHA: And a hunter shark has blood frenzy, which means the shark has advantage on melee attack rolls against any creature that does not have all of its hit points.

LAURA: And it's gonna attack him.

MATT: All righty.

SAM: And get eaten.

MATT: I'm glad we worked this out.

MARISHA: We're those assholes right now. I just wanna point that out.

MATT: All right. Go ahead and make your attack on it.

LIAM: For 80-something episodes, yeah.

MATT: Bite attack. Plus six, with advantage.

LAURA: Roll what?

MATT: It has advantage, because it's been damaged. Plus six.

LAURA: 11.

MATT: It bites-- a bout of futility against the armored exterior of the kraken.

LAURA: It's more for distraction purpose anyway.

TALIESIN: Caramel. Caramel. Ow.

SAM: Totally working.

LAURA: It will be, if it uses up a fucking tentacle.

SAM: Yeah, no, it's great.

TALIESIN: Yeah, no, we're in.

TRAVIS: Yeah, he is so ready to use a tentacle on the hunter shark.


MATT: All right. End of your turn. It's gonna go ahead and use another one of its points to do a-- let's see.

TALIESIN: This is how he's been plotting our death.

MATT: Yeah, it's gonna go ahead and make a tentacle attack against Trinket, who's biting at it currently. That is a 23 to hit.

LAURA: That hits.

MATT: All right. Trinket takes--

LAURA: How close am I? How close am I? How close am I?

MATT: 20 points of bludgeoning damage.

LAURA: Halved. Because of his armor.

MATT: Because of his armor. And Trinket is grappled, currently.


LAURA: Everybody's grappled!

TRAVIS: (sings) Everybody was grappled underwater! We're all... fucked enchiladas.

MATT: All right, as that's the end of your turn, Percival, what are you doing?

TALIESIN: You know, I'm not having any luck getting out of this thing. Ah, god. And I get the distinct impression that the whole point of this creature is there's just no escaping it. I'm gonna start trying to cut my way out of this thing. I give up. I'm cutting my way out.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Just so long as we don't kill it.


MATT: What are you using to attack?

MARISHA: Just don't kill it.

TALIESIN: I'm gonna use my longsword.

MATT: All right. So attack with disadvantage.

TALIESIN: Attack with disadvantage.

MARISHA: Please don't kill it.

TALIESIN: I can't, it's just gonna--

LAURA: It's just a tentacle, it's not--

TALIESIN: Yeah, it's just a tentacle. With the intent to leave. Oh, that's not bad.

MARISHA: I'm sorry, I just saw a flash of my future.


MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage. It is not a dragon.

TALIESIN: Okay. I do not have Hex anymore, so that's--

LAURA: What if you turned us into animals now? Will that break the grapple?

MARISHA: I could, yeah.


MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: And another attack.

MATT: All right. Go for it. With disadvantage.

TALIESIN: Also 23.

MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

TALIESIN: Also 13.

MATT: All righty.

TALIESIN: And again.

MATT: Third attack with your sword, with disadvantage.


MATT: 28 hits. Roll damage.

MARISHA: Did you roll both 16s?

TALIESIN: Yes, they're both 16s.

MARISHA: You did. They're both 16s.

TALIESIN: I know. It's a metaphor. Oh.

MARISHA: Oh! That's good.


MATT: 15. With that, you manage to finally--

TALIESIN: Drop it, drop it, drop it!

MATT: -- cut through the tentacle. It tears open, you can see the dark purple blood beginning to cloud around the area, as you feel yourself freed from the tentacle's grasp. That's your action.

TALIESIN: I am booking towards the big red--

MATT: This way?

TALIESIN: No, the other way. I'm booking that way.

MARISHA: Sorry, this thing looks very red to us.


MARISHA: This thing.

TALIESIN: Oh, and it's not red! Oh, that's so weird.

MARISHA: It's not red, but on camera it looks very red to us. This thing.

MATT: So you're heading this way?

TALIESIN: I'm heading the opposite direction of that fucking nightmare monstrosity.

MATT: This way?


MATT: Okay, you can move five, ten--

TALIESIN: I'm gonna get behind that boulder and hide, if possible.

MATT: Here? All right. Okay.

TALIESIN: Bonus action to hide, or no?

MATT: Well, it's a bonus action for rogues to hide.

LIAM: Rogue shit, yo.

TALIESIN: So for my bonus action--

TRAVIS: You just faceplant.

TALIESIN: Is Minor Illusion a bonus action or not?

MATT: I'm pretty sure Minor Illusion is an action. Sorry.

TALIESIN: I can't remember, I haven't done it in so long. And I'm feeling so useless. Yeah.

MATT: Welcome to fighting a kraken, buddy.

TALIESIN: Oh, I'm gonna use-- I have a heal. I'm gonna heal. I'll use my bonus action to heal.

TRAVIS: Selfish.

MATT: Okay, go for it.

TALIESIN: 1d10 plus 12. Where's a d10? That's not bad. Okay, 18 points. Okay, good, I get 18 points back, yay.

MATT: Okay, there you go. At the end of your turn, Percival, it's gonna use its third and final legendary action to attempt to hit you with a tentacle. That is 21 to hit.

TALIESIN: Yeah, that hits.

MATT: All right. You take--

MARISHA: You're so grappled again, aren't you?

MATT: -- 26 points of bludgeoning damage, and you are grappled once more.

(all groan)

TRAVIS: (cackles)

TALIESIN: 26 points of bludgeoning damage?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: Fucking meatbag, getting knocked around all the time.

MARISHA: You spent your entire action getting away from him.

TALIESIN: Yeah, that's fine.

TRAVIS: That's a piece of shit. I love it.

MATT: Does that end your turn?

LAURA: Krakens suck.

MATT: All right. Top of the kraken's turn.

MARISHA: Fuck this.

MATT: Grog?

TRAVIS: Yes? Yeah.

MATT: The acid from the interior of the kraken begins to--

LAURA: Oh god.

MATT: -- begins to slowly pool around you, and you feel your flesh on the exterior begin to singe and burn and melt away.

LIAM: Oh jeez.

MATT: That's a lot of dice. I'm going to go ahead and use the app here.


LAURA: Oh my god, is it like being in lava?

TRAVIS: I'm sure it ain't great. I'm sure it ain't like being at a fucking spa.

MATT: That is 45 points of acid damage.


LAURA: Gulp.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: Holy shit.


MATT: And so, turning around, the kraken's going to make its way back-- oh no, Trinket. Oh no.

LAURA: Oh no!

MATT: Trinket is left this way, it's going to swim past to there--

MARISHA: Okay, hang on. My Control Water spell has a concentration and I create a current--

LIAM: Ooh, buddy, what are you doing?

MATT: Correct.

MARISHA: In a direction for several minutes.

MATT: I agree. The kraken has an ability called Freedom of Movement, the kraken ignores difficult terrain, and magical effects can't reduce its speed or cause it to be restrained.

MARISHA: Well, that's just great.

MATT: Sorry.

MARISHA: That's wonderful.

LAURA: What about my shark? Does it get an attack of opportunity?

MATT: Your shark does, yes. As does Trinket, technically.

TRAVIS: This little bastard's high-spirited.

MARISHA: Motherfucker.

LIAM: The dungeon master is giddy tonight.

LAURA: I get advantage, right, on it?

TALIESIN: You are annoyingly cheerful.

MATT: From the shark? Yes, you do. Trinket has disadvantage.

LAURA: Okay. 16 plus six is 22.

MATT: 22 from the shark. Nice.

SAM: Cast Hunter Shark on it.

MATT: All righty. And disadvantage for Trinket?

LAURA: Oh. 14 for Trinket.

MATT: Trinket, unfortunately, his claws strike against the back of its armor as the kraken passes. No effect. All right.

LAURA: Do I roll for the damage? Of the shark?

MATT: Yes. Oh, that wasn't the damage. Yeah. That was to hit. So yeah, roll damage for the shark.

LAURA: 13.

MATT: 13 points of damage from the shark. Nice. Yeah. All right, so as the shark bites, and watch as it tears away, makes its way over towards the grappled Keyleth, its jaws open with its beaked mouth.

TALIESIN: There's no room for anything else in there.

LIAM: Hey, don't eat my girlfriend. I just got here.

MATT: That is 24 to hit.

MARISHA: Yeah, I mean, yeah.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: Does it ever not hit?

SAM: Oh no. Oh no.

MARISHA: Am I about to be swallowed with Grog?

SAM: Yes.

MATT: 22 points of piercing damage, and Keyleth, you are swallowed by the kraken.

LAURA: (gasps)

LIAM: Seven minutes in kraken.

LAURA: You can do something from the inside.

MARISHA: 22 points, you said?

MATT: Yes.

TALIESIN: Whoever actually succeeded in changing anything from the inside? Let's be honest here.


TALIESIN: You become part of it.

LIAM: Let's not get--

SAM: Part of the system?

TALIESIN: Just know somehow that this is a metaphor.

MARISHA: 48 points.

TALIESIN: For what?

TRAVIS: Well, now it's a tribute.

LAURA: Yeah, this one's crazy.

TALIESIN: This is bad.

LIAM: Let's shift to the fire realm.

MARISHA: Do I see Grog?

MATT: You see nothing. It is black, blind, darkness on the inside, and it's not Darkvision blindness. It is folds of internal muscle, tightening flesh across your entire body, so not only is there no light, but there is no room to actually see anything, even with your Darkvision.

LIAM: Fuck.

TRAVIS: (fart noise) I'm here!

MARISHA: Can I like-- a free action to be like, Grog, I'm in the kraken! as a free action?

MATT: You scream into it like, Grog!, as you're being devoured, sure.

MARISHA: Grog! (gurgling noises)


MATT: All right, that ends the kraken's turn, Grog, you're up.

TRAVIS: Right. Can I reach around? Do I feel any dangly bits or something I might be able to yank on?

MARISHA: Or like-- hands?

TRAVIS: Or is it smooth? I know I'm like this, but--

MATT: You are unable to really feel around. You're like holding your hammer here, and the whole thing is squeezing against you and the muscles are pulling in, tense.

TRAVIS: There's no way that I could try and push out with my legs to, like, pull something out of the bag of holding, is there? It's too tight for that.

MATT: Well, what are you trying to pull out?

TRAVIS: Maybe the alchemy jug?

MATT: You could probably pull the alchemy jug out if you wanted to, yeah.

TRAVIS: I pull out the alchemy jug.

MATT: All right. And you force it out and hold it on the inside.

TRAVIS: And I get super fucking wasted-- No, I'm kidding.

(all laugh)

TRAVIS: I look inside of it, and I say, oil.

MATT: Okay. The jug now produces a bunch of oil.


MATT: It gets to fill up the inside of the jug.

TRAVIS: You know, sea creatures like oil.

LAURA: Ew. Like, if you swallow cod liver oil, you vomit? Yeah?

LIAM: Like castor oil?


LIAM: It greases you up.

TALIESIN: Unless you're a cod.

MATT: Or a kraken. All right, so you produce a bunch of oil for your action, inside the jug.


TALIESIN: Grease me up!

MATT: Is that your turn?


MATT: Okay. That brings us to Taryon. Taryon. You just watched Keyleth, the pinnacle of leadership, the guiding force in this whole adventure, get swallowed by this terrible, writhing sea monster.

TALIESIN: Is the oil flammable?

SAM: It must be part of the plan. You're all seasoned veterans, right? This is all part of the plan, right?


SAM: Oh! I've made a horrible mistake!

(all laugh)

SAM: Caligo, take me away! Oh my God.

MATT: What are you doing, Taryon?

SAM: Well, I saw Percy cut his way tentacle, so I will try to do the same.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Look what good it did me.

SAM: I can move my hands, right?

MATT: You can, it's just any attacks are at disadvantage, and you can't move.

SAM: Okay. Then I will reach into my magic bag and pull out a vial of acid, and slam it on the tentacle and see if I can burn through the tentacle.

MATT: Okay! Go ahead and make a-- This would technically be-- a melee or ranged, but will say because it's so close, roll a D20 twice with disadvantage, so.

SAM: Oof. Oof!

TALIESIN: What. What. What.

SAM: Terrible

MATT: So, with your attack bonus for the attack.

SAM: Yeah. 12.

TALIESIN: Did you just grease? Did you just grease that with tears?

MATT: Twelve? You reach out to pull it out and throw it. It tenses once, and then-- And it just-- It floats away.

LAURA: Oh no.

MATT: Before it just slowly sinks into the sand and rests there.


SAM: Damn it.

LAURA: At least it's still retrievable.

SAM: Sure. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. And then as my bonus action, I will say to Percy, Percival, take this down! I, Taryon Darrington, being of sound mind and body, hereby do not leave my belongings to anyone, but prefer to be buried with them.

(all laugh)

TALIESIN: I'm going to gaze at him, as a professional gazer. I'm going to gaze at Taryon. And just allow my head wound to just bleed out.

MATT: You channel Brazio, and stare at him, to give him disapproval. With, wordless. Okay.

LIAM: Sweet.

TALIESIN: I hate you. And you.

MATT: That ends your turn, Taryon. That ends your turn, I believe. All right, Vax, you're up.

LIAM: All right. I have just gone--

MARISHA: Lodestone! Lodestone!

LIAM: I have just gone whiter-- My face has gone whiter than it has since I became a paladin of the fucking Raven Queen, seeing Keyleth just get swallowed up, but I am going to trust that Grog and she are going to get themselves out of there, and I am going to look to where Keyleth pointed, and try to see a lump or something, in the sand.

MATT: Okay, make an investigation check.

LIAM: Okay, I made a-- hold on, 18.

TALIESIN: Find Tuma.

MARISHA: Find the voice of Tuma.

LIAM: 18.

MATT: 18? 18. Okay. You just get to this part of the sand and you start sifting through and it's causing this cloud and you hear the water just being rapidly whipped through and cut behind you from the rapidly moving tentacles. As you pull through, you just begin with your action to uncover what looks to be the very peeking top of the final lodestone.

LIAM: Is that one action? Because I have an action and a bonus action, so I'll just do as much as I fucking can to dig this fucker out.

MATT: Bonus action is a weapon attack. So you manage to--

LIAM: I'm hasted. The hasted action is only a weapon attack?

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: Okay. Fucking hell.

MARISHA: Dig. Dig. Dig, dig, dig.

TRAVIS: Hey, man, you're making progress.

LIAM: I can't do anything, I can't do anything.

TRAVIS: You're A1 sauce right now brother, you're doing all the good things.

MARISHA: You're so kind, you're so good.

LAURA: Can you use a bonus to help anyone?

LIAM: No, I mean I'm on concentration for Bless and they're both in there and they probably fucking need it.

MARISHA: No, you're great, you're great.

TALIESIN: Throw a knife.

MARISHA: You're hot. You're great. You're good. You're warm. You're finding that stone.

LIAM: I'm done. I'm done.

MATT: All right, that ends your turn. Then it's going to use a legendary action to attempt to hit you with a tentacle. That is a 28 to hit. All right.

LIAM: Oh shit, 22. No. Hits me.

MATT: Yep. That is--

LIAM: Oh, uh, hold on. Two. What's 28 to hit? Nah, wouldn't hit 28. Never mind. 'Cause I'm blessed but it's not much--

MATT: 28 points of bludgeoning damage.

LIAM: Okay. Uncanny Dodge?

MATT: Okay, so reduce that by half, so it's 14 and you are grappled.

LIAM: Oh, good.

MATT: As the tentacle wraps around you.

TALIESIN: Does it have a limited number of tentacles?

MATT: Currently now nine.

LAURA: Nine tentacles?

MARISHA: More than us.

TRAVIS: It had ten.

MATT: It had ten, now it has nine.

MARISHA: More than us.

TALIESIN: But if we keep playing it may have eight, then seven, then six.

MATT: That might possibly be an option.

LAURA: Or it might just swallow all of us.

MARISHA: More than us.

LAURA: And then we just Planeshift from the inside of the kraken, and everything's okey-dokey.

MARISHA: Which, I have Planeshift if all goes terribly wrong.

LAURA: But we all have to be holding hands.

MARISHA: That's true.

TRAVIS: Ha, just you and me live.

(all laugh)

TALIESIN: The Grog and Keyleth show? I would watch that.

MATT: All right, so. That's Vax's turn. Keyleth, you're up.


TRAVIS: What, jesus, I'm right fucking here. Yes, it sucks.

MARISHA: Grog! And I reach out. He's saying. Do I feel him?

MATT: We'll say that you're just, as the muscles squeeze you deeper in its body, you kind of slam into what feels like a hard bottom of a boot.

MARISHA: I still have Control Water. As a concentration.

MATT: Make a constitution saving throw because you were damaged by the piercing maw.

MARISHA: Yep, you're not wrong.

MATT: Which is, we'll say 24, so go ahead and-- can't remember what the number was but we'll go with that.

MARISHA: Come on, Mark Holmes. Concentration?

MATT: Which you have advantage on because of your Warcasters.

MARISHA: Which I haven't been, oh, my Warcasters! That's 16. No, I'll take the 16. What?

MATT: Constitution saving throw.

MARISHA: Okay. 22!

MATT: Okay, so you maintain concentration.

MARISHA: Okay. And I find Grog.

MATT: You do.

MARISHA: And I Control Water.

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Is it watery in this?

MATT: No, it is muscles tensing, and a thin layer of acid.

TRAVIS: And oil.

MATT: And oil is inside the jug.

TALIESIN: You didn't pour it.

TRAVIS: Oh! Is it not just floating amniotic, like water, in this esophagi?

LAURA: No, that's what he just said, there's no water.

MATT: Currently you're in the stomach, not the oesophagus.

TRAVIS: Anatomy.

MARISHA: No water, though? I can't like jettison myself out of this guy's mouth? All right.

MATT: You can spend your action to try?

MARISHA: Okay. No. That's fine.

TALIESIN: There's options.

MATT: There's not a lot of water in this space. Right now, it's mostly like actual stomach acid of the creature and muscles that are tensing around.

MARISHA: Okay. We have oil. Right?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Yeah

MARISHA: I told Grog, I say, Hold on, and I cast a Fireball right in front of us, to try and jettison ourselves out with my Spire.

TRAVIS: I'm a big fan of this.

MARISHA: With my Spire of Conflux I go (explosion) and try and give this motherfucker the worst heartburn he's ever experienced.

TRAVIS: Yeah get your Zantac 75 now, bitch.

MATT: Okay!

TALIESIN: You put that kraken on Hot Pepper Gaming.

MATT: I need you to both make dexterity saving throws with disadvantage.

LAURA: He's going to shoot out some watery lodestones.

TRAVIS: I'm at advantage, though, so I just roll one.

TALIESIN: Lode liquid.

MATT: Yes. Okay.

LIAM: Jackpot. Dex save at disadvantage.

TRAVIS: 11. Oh wait, man, wait, blessed.

MARISHA: I'm making a dex save?

MATT: At disadvantage.

MARISHA: At disadvantage.


MARISHA: At disadvantage? That was eight. Plus dex, which is five, so that's--

LAURA: Plus bless!

MARISHA: Plus blessed!

TALIESIN: Hashtag.

MARISHA: #blessed. Ooh, that's good, that's good. That's 13, so that's 18!

MATT: What's the DC on the spell for your staff?

MARISHA: It doesn't say.

MATT: So it'd be your spell DC.

MARISHA: Which is 20. If I'm fully equipped.

MATT: Yeah, so you do not make your save. Your spell's too powerful. So you go ahead and roll damage.

MARISHA: On myself.


TRAVIS: Oh, like a, 13.

MATT: Yep. So go ahead and roll 8d6 damage, to you, you and the kraken. Usually if a creature's fully submerged in water it has damage resistance because of the water around it. However, the spell is inside of it so I will say that it does not get the fire resistance.

TRAVIS: I do have fire resistance, so I'm okay. I'm excited about this.

MATT: You take half damage.

LAURA: Oh my gosh.

MARISHA: I will be exceedingly angry if I have to--

TALIESIN: We will save the Kraken.

LAURA: If you're knocked unconscious with your own fireball?

MARISHA: I don't care about that, I care more about the Kraken at this point. This is my life's work. Ooh, this is really Keyleth's life work.

TALIESIN: Oh wow, a lot happened there.

MARISHA: Okay, five, six, seven, eight, nine, plus four, which is 13, plus another six which is 16, 19, and a six which is 25.


MATT: 25, was what you needed to force it to make a constitution saving throw.

TRAVIS: 25 exactly? Wow.


MATT: Well, based on the circumstances I halved the damage required for it to make the saving throw to regurgitate. However a fireball explosion based on the--

MARISHA: Three, four, five, six, seven, eight. I'm sorry. You said 8d6?

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: It's actually 29 points.

MATT: All right. So--

MARISHA: Please don't kill this thing.

MATT: No. As the Fireball explodes, the oil that you created inside ignites and also detonates.


TRAVIS: Alchemy jug!

MATT: Roll a d20 for the strength of the jug.

LAURA: No! It could kill the jug!

MARISHA: Who? Him? No, Grog!

LAURA: That's good.


MATT: Okay. The jug withstands the force of the blow.

(all cheer)

TALIESIN: Good jug.

MATT: The jug, however, detonates.

TALIESIN: Yeah! I love everything that's happening.

SAM: Can there be extra damage to you, Groggy-pants.

MATT: For an additional 18 points of fire damage to both of you.

LIAM: Kraken's gonna get burning squirts.

LAURA: Oh shit.

TALIESIN: And the kraken.

TRAVIS: To half because I have fire resistance.

MATT: And the kraken.

MARISHA: 18 points, that I can deal with.

SAM: Plus 25.

MARISHA: Wait, plus 25?

MATT: This is on top of what you did.

TRAVIS: So 39.

MATT: Correct.

MARISHA: So 25 plus 18 which is what--

SAM: 43

MATT: That would be 43.

MARISHA: 43 points of damage!

TALIESIN: You're alive!

TRAVIS: 22 to me, because, resistance.

MARISHA: I am alive.

MATT: Fucking rolled a natural one!

TRAVIS: Did you?

(all yell)

MATT: I'm not even joking. On its constitution, it's a DC 25 constitution saving throw, even with 15, it's a natural one. And so (explosion) it bursts inside, you watch the eyes bulge on the outside of this kraken as suddenly it vomits out a burst smoke, dark, kind of bloody water, acid, and both Keyleth and Grog are jettisoned out of the front of the Kraken's mouth.

TALIESIN: What are the chances it dropped any of us while this happened?

MATT: Nothing.

TALIESIN: Nothing.

SAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: But Grog and I are out?

LIAM: But, everyone on the outside just goes--

TALIESIN: Kinda what I was expecting, to be magnificently frank.

SAM: I see him vomit, and I'm like, you and me both, buddy.

(all laugh)

MARISHA: Do I still have a bonus action?

MATT: You would, yes.

MARISHA: I'm going to cast Healing Word on myself.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: At second level. Sorry.

MATT: Go for it.

MARISHA: That's two. Because I'm hurting.

MATT: Remember, you still have your Wild Shape forms too.

MARISHA: Oh, I know.

MATT: Okay, that ends your turn, Keyleth.

MARISHA: Four, five, plus-- six. Yep, that ends my turn.

MATT: All right. Secondary legendary action to go ahead and as soon as you guys emerge, one of its tentacles wraps out in your direction, Keyleth. That's a-- plus 18, yeah that hits you for like 32. So as soon as you emerge, you look around, one of the tentacles wraps around you, and you take 19 points of bludgeoning damage.

TALIESIN: Oh, god.

MATT: And you are grappled by the tentacle.

MARISHA: So glad I healed myself.

LAURA: Mother fuck.

MARISHA: 19 points.

SAM: What are you down to?

MARISHA: Seven points.

MATT: All right. That brings us to the next lair action.

TALIESIN: God damn it.

MATT: Everything is still obscured in this black inky space, by the way. Oh, you guys missed that while you were away. The kraken did an ink jet and filled this entire 60-foot radius with ink. The whole area is drastically obscured.

MARISHA: Even though there's my Control Water current going outward? Which lasts for ten minutes!

MATT: Well, lasts for ten minutes while you're concentrating, did you make any concentration--

MARISHA: I haven't broke concentration--

MATT: That's true--

MARISHA: I saved for it.

MATT: Well, save right now.

MARISHA: I already saved for it while I was inside of him. I can save again.

MATT: Right, but you just took damage from the--

TALIESIN: From the tentacles.

MATT: From the tentacles. However, you are correct, the water jet did clear out the ink from this area.

MARISHA: It's not terrible. My wisdom-- 19.

MATT: Not wisdom, plus your constitution.

MARISHA: Not as good.

LIAM: Bless!

MARISHA: Plus bless, which is good. Wait, what was that?


MARISHA: That was three, thank you, three. Sorry, constitution.

SAM: Constitution

MARISHA: 16! 16!

MATT: Okay, that's enough, you maintain concentration. So yeah, so you've now cleared out this section, this section is cleared of ink. Control Water, the stream you've been doing has cleared out this area, so yeah.

MARISHA: Jeez, guys.

LAURA: Slowest math.

MARISHA: Gil. Gil bought us kraken.

MATT: All right, so--

MARISHA: Blame Gil.

LIAM: Kraken for kraken.

MARISHA: Don't fuck me, Gil!

MATT: All right at this point, as it is now the 20 count on the lair action, the kraken once again gives another pulse of electrical energy, everything in the area, I need everyone to go ahead and make a constitution saving throw.

SAM: 25!

MATT: All right, five points of lightning damage.

MARISHA: Player-killer, not great.


MATT: 18? You take ten points of lightning damage. Keyleth?


MATT: Ten points of lightning damage.

TALIESIN: And she's out!

MARISHA: I'm unconscious.

LIAM: 19, Deathwalker's Ward

MATT: So five points of lightning damage.

MARISHA: Keyleth is unconscious.

TALIESIN: Just barely.

LAURA: 16 for me.

MATT: Ten points of lightning damage. Grog?

LAURA: And 14 for Trinket, so--

TRAVIS: It was a 15, but I have resistance, so--

MATT: So five points of lightning damage. And Trinket was what?

LAURA: He gets ten points.

MATT: Ten points, okay, so. Keyleth goes unconscious, you watch as she just gets jettisoned out and the lightning streaks through her and eyes darken and she kinda falls limp in the water as the tentacle begins to slowly draw her back towards its maw.

LAURA: Fuck.

TALIESIN: God damn it.

MATT: Vex, you're up.

LAURA: Okay.

SAM: What would I have needed to roll to--?

LAURA: I'm gonna keep moving towards the lodestone and my brother. I see where it came out, right?

MATT: That's as close as you get right here in this position.

LAURA: So can I use my-- can I get it out of the water and put in my bag of colding?

MATT: You spend your action to free it and you get it out of the water and put it into the bag of holding.

MARISHA: That's all three, right?

MATT: So you have a bag of holding?

LAURA: I have a bag of colding.

MATT: Colding? Okay, yeah, you can put it there. It has enough space.


TALIESIN: We've got all three.

MARISHA: We have all three?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: You have all three lodestones currently.

LAURA: Okay--

LIAM: Is Keyleth--

LAURA: We're all going to die, but we have three lodestones doing it.

LIAM: Is Keyleth still grappled while unconscious?


MATT: Correct.

LIAM: Shit.

LAURA: And I guess for-- god. For my bonus action, can I-- I don't know what to do. I'm going to have-- while I'm thinking about this, I'm going to have the shark attack him.

SAM: 'Cause it's shark week.

MATT: Okay, shark moves here.

TALIESIN: Bite the tentacles.

LAURA: The shark's gonna bite the tentacle that's holding onto-- who's that right in front of him, Percy?

MATT: Yes.


TRAVIS: In front?

MATT: Right there this is Percy. This is Taryon.

LAURA: He's going to swim towards Percy.

SAM: Wait, friendly shark!

(all laugh)

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: And bite the tentacle to help free Percy. And he gets advantage?

MATT: Correct.

TRAVIS: Awesome.

SAM: Oh, shark ally!

LAURA: 15? Is that enough?

MATT: 15. Unfortunately, it's just gnawing at it, but it's not quite breaking through, it's tough hide.

LAURA: Okay. I look at my brother and say, can you get out of this?

LIAM: Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

LAURA: Okay. I swim back and use my bonus action to try to hide.

MATT: All right. So you swim backward this way?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: How far? Which direction?

LAURA: Towards the rock, towards the--

MATT: Towards the rock here?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: That's about as far as you can get, unfortunately.

LAURA: Well, I try to hide--

MATT: You have Alter Self on you right? You cast it--

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: So you can make it. We'll say that's as far as you can get, no reason to hide, you're still out in the open, you don't have anything to hide behind, unfortunately.

LAURA: Can I sit on the ground? I wanna sit on the ground and wrap my cloak around me and make myself look like a rock.

MATT: Actually, you do back up into the ink cloud, so you can.


TALIESIN: (Jaws music)

MATT: Which is not obscured to the kraken. So, you cannot hide. He can still see you in the ink cloud.

LAURA: Oh really?

MATT: Yeah, so--

MARISHA: Also did my Control Water--

MATT: It didn't-- this whole area is filled with ink, so you just cleared out this area here.

LAURA: Well then, if I can't hide from him, can I use my bonus action to do something else?

MATT: Sure.

LAURA: Then I'm going to have Trinket attack him.

MATT: All right. Trinket on your turn moves up to the back of it--

LAURA: He'll attack the tentacle that's holding Tary.

SAM: Oh, friendly bear?

MATT: (bear noises)

LAURA: Oh, Trinket-- Trinket's grappled!

MATT: Oh, Trinket can't move, you're right!

LAURA: Trinket's going to attack the tentacle that's holding him.

MATT: Yeah, Trinket can't move, right.

SAM: Never mind, friendly bear.

(all laugh)

LAURA: Oh two 19s, and that's a critical for Trinket!

LIAM: Yeah!

MARISHA: Yeah Trinket!

TALIESIN and MARISHA: (sing victory fanfare from Final Fantasy)

TALIESIN: Aren't you unconscious?

MARISHA: You know, they get it.

LAURA: That's ten!

MATT: Ten points of damage. Trinket just tears with his jaws into the side. (growls)

LAURA: Did he get out?

MATT: No, he did not, I'm sorry.

LAURA: Damn it.

MATT: That ends your go, Vex. At the end of your turn, he's going to use his third and final legendary action to go ahead and attempt-- let's see--

TALIESIN: Fuck, man.

MATT: It's going to attempt to make a bash attack against Percival and Vax. Which pushes you two together. There's no way to escape it, you just whack! Slams you both together. And you take--

LIAM and TALIESIN: (groans of pain)

MATT: You take 13 points of bludgeoning damage, both of you.


MATT: All righty, that's the end of that. Perciva, you're up.

TALIESIN: Okay. I'm going to--

LIAM: Marisha.

TALIESIN: Hm? I know, she's making us feel really guilty right now. I'm going to hack away at this thing right now, so I'm going to try and hack away at this tentacle to get out.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Disadvantage, correct?

MATT: Correct.

TALIESIN: God, I'm really not enjoying this. That's a 17.

MATT: 17 does not hit. The first one you can't quite get your arms free, and you swing-- you just barely-- carves like a centimeter into the creature's flesh.


MATT: 19 hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

TALIESIN: I know that natural 20 is just going away.

MARISHA: It's so close, I know. That's good, though.



MATT: 13 points of damage.

TALIESIN: And I'll take another one, that's not going to roll well, here we go. My third hit is 16.

MATT: 16 is not going to hit, unfortunately.

TALIESIN: So I'm going to burn my Action Surge and I'm going to take the Alter Self. That coin you gave me is--

MATT: Takes an action to do so.

TALIESIN: What does it give me, just full movement?

SAM: Gills and full movement.

MARISHA: It allows you to alter yourself based on what you chose, which is give you gills and fins--

MATT: Yeah, in this circumstance the best bet you want to have is gills and fins. So you can swim.

MARISHA: Within moderation.

TALIESIN: Yeah, so I burn my Action Surge for that.

MATT: Okay, so your Alter Self is in.

TALIESIN: I'm going to go find my healing potions so I can see what I have, but I'm going to do that-- yep, moving right along.

MATT: That ends your turn, Percy?


MATT: Moving right along to the kraken. Legendary actions return.


MATT: Kraken is going to shift around up and over there. So we'll say for the purposes of this--

TALIESIN: We really need to leave badly.

SAM: Does the shark get an attack?

LAURA: Is the kraken an animal?

MATT: Not quite.


LIAM: Monstrosity.

MATT: Going to curl over the top there, Trinket does get an attack of opportunity.

TRAVIS: Does Grog?

MATT: No because it just moves into the space between you and Keyleth.

SAM: Laura, attack!

TALIESIN: Does the shark?

SAM: Laura! Trinket!

MATT: The shark does not--

TRAVIS: He's grappled. Trinket's grappled.

SAM: Yeah, but can still attack.

MATT: Yeah, 'cause the shark was attacking Percy's tentacle, so it was not in reach to attack the creature.

LAURA: Was Trinket within reach for a (chomps).

MATT: Trinket was not. He already moved before, 'cause Trinket was grappled before he could get into space with him. All right, it is going to use its Lightning Storm. So I need four bolts of lightning. That's going to be against-- That's going to be Vex, Taryon, Percival, and we'll say Vax. Dexterity saving throws, you guys.

SAM: You said something earlier about dexterity saving throws?

MATT: At disadvantage.

TALIESIN: At disadvantage?

MATT: Yes.

LAURA: Only if you're grappled.

MATT: If you're grappled.

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: Five.


LIAM: 16.

LAURA: 29.

MATT: So, hold on, was that five?

SAM: Yes.

MATT: 25 points lightning damage. Percival?


MATT: 15? 25 points of lightning damage.

LIAM: 16 and Deathwalker's Ward.

MATT: So 25 reduced to half. 13 points of damage.

LAURA: 29.

MATT: 29? You take 13 points of lightning damage.

LIAM: Oh, and if I fail dex saves it's half damage, so I'm getting quarter damage right now.

MATT: Well, it's Evasion, so if it's half you do nothing.

LIAM: If I succeed, it's nothing. If I fail--

LAURA: But you're grappled.

LIAM: I failed, it's halved.

MATT: You failed, so it's halved, so yeah, you take a quarter.

LIAM: Plus the Deathwalker's, so down and down.

MATT: Right, I got confused, so yes. So half that as well. All right, that ends the kraken's turn. Grog you're up.

TRAVIS: Ha! Ha! Am I near Keyleth?

MATT: You are right next to Keyleth.

TRAVIS: Great! I'm going to use my action to shove a greater healing potion in your stupid unconscious mouth.

(all laugh)

MATT: All right, so that is 4d4 plus four.

TRAVIS: I roll that?

LAURA: You want some more d4s?


LAURA: Okay.


TRAVIS: Great.

LAURA: Yeah!

TRAVIS: Four, six, eight, 12!

MARISHA: Healing points?

MATT: Mm-hm. You get 12.

LIAM: That's a number.

MARISHA: I get 12.

MATT: Grog, you still have your bonus action. You are frenzied and you have your movement.

TRAVIS: I do! want to (doop doop doop) like Mario in the water world, and I want to go up on top of the kraken's face, and I want to punch him in his stupid big eyeball with the dwarven thrower.

MATT: Okay, so you come up onto the actual--


MATT: -- Kraken, okay.

LIAM: Madman, love it.

MATT: So you're right there. Okay, so go ahead and make your attack.

TRAVIS: Reckless!

MATT: So just a single roll.

TRAVIS: Yep. 28.

MATT: 28 hits! Go and roll damage.

LAURA: Eyeball death!

TRAVIS: That's 14, 25. 25!

MATT: 35--


MATT: 25 points of damage. You just, whack!, bash it in the side of its face. (growls)

TRAVIS: Eyeball took it pretty well, man, jeez.

MATT: Yep.

TRAVIS: Those eyeballs are pretty hard.

MATT: That ends your turn, Grog?

TRAVIS: It does.

MATT: All right, Taryon.

SAM: I mean, we're just trying to leave at this point.

LAURA: Yeah, we're just trying to get away.

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah.

TALIESIN: Yeah we're running, running.

SAM: So I will once again try my acid trick, and this time try to hit it and pull another bottle out and smash it on the tentacle.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Oh, where'd it go? That's shitty. So I'll use Luck. Oh, better


SAM: 20.

MATT: 20 does hit, roll damage.

SAM: It's 7d6, right?

LAURA: Whoa.

SAM: 22.

MATT: 22 points of damage. As you slam it and it begins to dissolve it, it is not enough to break free but it is fairly hurt and still holding onto you.

SAM: All right, for my bonus action I just say, oh, friendly shark!

(all laugh)

SAM: I could use a bite over here! My animal handling is negative one, by the way.

(all laugh)

MATT: Good to know. All right, Taryon, that's your turn. Vax, you're up.

LIAM: Okay, I take Whisper out, and I'm throwing it at the ground ten feet away from you right next to Keyleth on the ground, and bamfing out of its tentacle to it.

MATT: Okay, go ahead and roll attack with disadvantage just to see it doesn't get caught in the water and float away.

LIAM: (gurgling noise) 23.

MATT: Yeah, it's just enough strength for you to chuck it and (swoosh) hits the sand right next to her. You are no longer restrained--

LAURA: Yeah! Oh, what a clutch fucking vestige.

MATT: You are next to Keyleth.

LIAM: Plus Grog is whaling on its head, so I'm going to Sneak Attack the tentacle that's holding Keyleth. Yeah?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: I am waiting on its head.

SAM: Right now, somewhere in the world, Scanlan is eating a like calamari and going--

(all laugh)

MARISHA: Gets a little bit of a nosebleed.

MATT: Basically yes.

MARISHA: Not sure why.

SAM: Huh, that's weird. Little acidy there.

LAURA: Would have been great if Scanlan were here just to like Dominate Creature.

LIAM: 34.

MATT: 34.

MARISHA: All that inspiration.

MATT: With that, the tentacle holding Keyleth is torn asunder. You, using your dagger to cut her free, and the cloud of blood left behind, and withdraws, she is freed.

LIAM: Okay, and I will-- I can't use a bonus action to pull her, right, that's too much, yeah?

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: Yeah. I will use a bonus action to stand over and in front of her.

SAM: So brave!

TALIESIN: Water wings.

MATT: All right, that brings us to Keyleth.

LAURA: Don't get swallowed.

MATT: Keyleth, you are freed from the tentacle,and you are conscious, but up above you as you look up into space you can see the giant kraken maybe ten, 15 feet away from you. Grog is slamming in the side of its head and Vax is right there looking over you right now.

MARISHA: Yeah, I'm just like a poodle over a pool right now, just doggy paddling instinctually. Do we have the lodestones, do we have all of them?


LAURA: Get us out of here!

LIAM: While you were out.

SAM: You and your fucking lodestones!

MARISHA: And I do Animal Shapes and I turn all of us to-- who's grappled? A lot of us. Right?


MATT: Yeah, Trinket, Taryon, and Percy are currently grappled.

MARISHA: I'm going to turn us into like little electric eels. Maybe it's because we made that joke earlier, I don't know.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Is that bad? Is that bad?

MATT: No, what do you wanna do?

MARISHA: I just want something that is going to swim fast and then we all--

LAURA: And we slip out of its grasp.

MARISHA: Swim. We slip out of its grasp and swim to the portal. To the portal! And we go.

MATT: Don't have rules for eels.

SAM: There's a water snake in there.

MARISHA: There is a water snake, which is kinda what I'm basing this off of.

MATT: We'll use that.

MARISHA: The giant constrictor snake--

LAURA: (laughs) He loves looking up animals.

MARISHA: Has blindsight-- ugh.

SAM: They can swim really fast, and I know because I tried to turn into one when we were in the dragon. They have like a 40 swimming speed or something.

MATT: Saying a giant constrictor snake has a swim speed of 30 feet, that's the same speed as--


LAURA: I don't wanna be a giant constrictor snake. We wanna be teeny ones, or little ones.

TALIESIN: No, it would be a normal, or like a swimming creature, though, what's the speed of a swimming creature?

MATT: Make your choice, Keyleth.

MARISHA: Okay, okay, okay.

MATT: Most snakes are 30-foot swim speed.

MARISHA: Most are and hunter sharks are 40-foot swim speed, killer whales are 60-foot swim speed--

LAURA: So make us killer whales.

MARISHA: But they're bigger motherfuckers, so can we do a giant eel that's got a swim speed of 40 feet?

SAM: You want a sea serpent that can swim 60 feet?

LAURA: Yeah, that!

MARISHA: Ooh I wanna be that!

TALIESIN: Thea Therpent.

MATT: Sea Serpent.

SAM: I don't know what that is.

TALIESIN: (lisp) Help me, Cecil, help!

SAM: Oh no, that's huge, that's a huge monstrosity, she can't do that.

MATT: Monstrosity you can't do.

SAM: Can't do that, no.

MATT: What are you doing?

LIAM: Killer whale, man, killer whale.

MARISHA: Look, I'm bound by what the Player's Handbook gave me! So--

TALIESIN: Let's go whale.

MARISHA: So I'll go--

MATT: These are creatures you would know.

MARISHA: Ah, fuck, whales are fucking big, though!


MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Whales are big.

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: So I'll be eels with a swim speed of 40 feet? So we can slip out?

MATT: What creature are you choosing is my question.

MARISHA: Well, that's going off of a snake speed.

MATT: Snake-- I'm sorry, you need to pick a creature, you can't make up statistics here. Let see here. So.

LAURA: What are you reading, what are you reading, Marisha?

TALIESIN: The giant snake is a land snake is the problem.

MARISHA: It's a land snake.

TALIESIN: Let's be whales.

LIAM: Be whales, get the fuck out of here.

LAURA: It still can hold us.

MARISHA: Okay, but whales are 60 feet, sharks are 40 feet. That's our problem.

MATT: Most snakes I'm seeing here have 30 feet swim speed.

LAURA: Then I think snake is probably better to wiggle out, that's the thing.


LAURA: He's going to be able to hold whales maybe.

LIAM: Okay.

LAURA: I don't know. I don't know! I don't know.

MARISHA: We'd be slow to be snakes, but more possibly--

TRAVIS: It's your Aramente. It's your Aramente.

TALIESIN and LAURA: It's your Aramente.

MATT: What are you doing, as you're casting your spell. It's your Aramente. What are you choosing? What form?

MARISHA: (yells) We're going to be eels! That's what I said at first!

LIAM: Eels, we're eels.

MARISHA: Swim, 30 foot!

LIAM: Eels.

MATT: Okay, eels, we're using the statistics for a snake.

MARISHA: I wanna use a statistic for a snake, but swim speed, fuck! I'm trying to be elusive here!

MATT: All right.


MATT: I-- whatever. Fine.

SAM: We'll do it live!

TALIESIN: We'll do it live!

MATT: You are all water snakes. You're majestic, ten-hit-point forms as water snakes. You all suddenly transform--

TALIESIN: Mine has glasses.

MATT: -- into these tiny snakes.

MARISHA: Go, go, go, go.

MATT: We'll say for the current purposes of this, until it comes to the kraken's turn, everyone who is currently grappled is not grappled, because you are a smaller form. Until the kraken's turn.

SAM: Ooh.

MARISHA: Oh, god.

MATT: So we'll have to see whose turn order is what.

LAURA: And we all just book it.

MATT: All right, so--

MARISHA: Double movement.

MATT: That brings us next to the initiative counter 20. So. I need all of you guys, as snakes, to make constitution saving throws.

LAURA: We're all just gonna bamf back to-- but at least, hey, we're ungrappled.

SAM: Matt. We're eels.

MARISHA: I don't know what that did.

MATT: I know.

SAM: Eels.


SAM: Hey! I did pretty good.

TALIESIN: Electric eels-- if they're electric eels--

MARISHA: I did okay. And we're still blessed.

TRAVIS: And we still are blessed, right?

TALIESIN: Constitution saving throw?

LIAM: Keyleth is not. You are, and I am.

MATT: You did choose electric eels.


MARISHA: Okay, that went off the rails.

MATT: Which--

MARISHA: That's not bad.


MARISHA: Okay, okay--

MATT: No, hold on.

TRAVIS: Hold on.

LIAM: We gots to be immune, man.

LAURA: What are we doing?

MATT: I know. Because you chose eels--

LIAM: Winging it.

MATT: -- the electricity has no effect.


SAM: Matt hates everything right now.

MATT: Weirdly--


MATT: -- this worked to your advantage for the 20 initiative count.


MARISHA: (sings) Shocking like electric eels.

MATT: So as the pulse of electric energy shoots out from the kraken, it shocks around and through all of you, but your physical eel forms take no damage.

LIAM: Eels good!

MATT: As they're used to conducting energy.



MATT: Vex.

LAURA: Yeah?

SAM: (sings) Can't stop the eeling!

MATT: Your eel turn.

LAURA: As an eel, I'm gonna swim around the big brown rock, away from the Kraken, towards the door.

MATT: 30. And you're gonna use your action to dash, as well?


MATT: That's as far as you can get. All right, finishing Vex's turn. All righty.

LAURA: I feel like I'm just leaving everybody behind-- oh, and Trinket's gonna do the same thing.

MARISHA: No, run, run, run. Get out, get out, get out.

LIAM: But only because you are.

MATT: That's as far as Trinket can go, there.

LAURA: Can he use his double action to do the same thing?

MATT: He doesn't have a double action.

LAURA: Just kidding.

MATT: He moves in your turn.

LAURA: But I am gonna make my shark attack him! The shark's gonna just swim up in his face.

TALIESIN: What is happening?

LAURA: Swim up in his eyeball, and just be like, wah, look at me, I'm--

MATT: Roll an attack for your shark.

LAURA: I'm a shark!

LIAM: Who hasn't gotten punchy at the end of a long D&D game?

TALIESIN: I-- man, nothing makes sense anymore.

LIAM: This is real D&D.

LAURA: 21.

MATT: 21 hits. Roll damage.


TALIESIN: Good shark.

LAURA: Okay, that's a bite attack, that is--

LIAM: You went British again.

LAURA: Okay, wait-- oh, that's more than that! Anyway.

TALIESIN: I figure since I'm an eel, I'm gonna attack this thing.

LAURA: 12.

TALIESIN: I think I've got a shot.

MATT: All right. 12 points of damage to the kraken. Gotcha. All righty.

TALIESIN: Ahaha. Sorry.

MATT: It's gonna go ahead and use Lightning Storm, costing two of its actions. It's going to focus this on--

LIAM: Stupid kraken.

MATT: -- Taryon, Grog, and-- because you were the source of its magic and it is horribly frustrated, Keyleth. I need the three of you guys-- oh fuck, it's Lighting Storm, it's not-- you're all eels, what am I doing?

MARISHA: Electric eels. We are electric eels.

LIAM: Oh, no.

SAM: Oh, Matt hates us.

MATT: I'm-- it's been a long week, and I keep forgetting my fucking shit. It's okay.

TALIESIN: This is the Winnie the Pooh of krakens. It's just trying its mild calisthenics to just try and make things.

MATT: All right, so it makes a lightning storm--

LIAM: I thought he was being nice to us.

MATT: -- that strikes you guys--

LIAM: He was just being nice to us!

TALIESIN: And it tickles.

LIAM: He's tired!

MATT: -- and, yeah, it tickles your fancy a moment. That's two of its legendary actions.


MATT: All right, Percy, it's your turn.

TALIESIN: I am going to book, double speed--

MATT: Respect. Respect on the electric eels that I gave you.

ALL: Yay!

MATT: Weirdly, saving your ass right now.

MARISHA: Dumb idea that worked out.

TALIESIN: I'm going to book through this weird little log.

LIAM: 5.9, 6.2, 6.3--

TALIESIN: I'm going to go straight through it.

LAURA: Ooh, yeah!

MATT: 20, 25, 30. You just get out the other side, just barely seeing the eel-Vex ahead of you, just swimming through.

LAURA: I wink at him, with my eel eye.

SAM: Ugh.


SAM: You know what, this is like an electricity between you guys.


TALIESIN: Wait, wait, right in the eye. Right in the eye.

MATT: End of Vex's turn, it's gonna use its last legendary action--

LIAM: Hey. Fish porn.

MATT: -- to attempt to make a--

SAM: He throws water at us.

MATT: -- a tentacle attack at--

TRAVIS: He throws water at us.

MATT: -- at you, Vax. The one that just recently severed one of its tentacles.

LIAM: Okay.

MARISHA: It's one of those mega water balloons.

MATT: That is a 28 to hit. Ten plus 18.

LIAM: A what to hit?

LAURA: Well, you're an eel.

MATT: 28.

LIAM: Oh okay, do I not have-- am I hasted? Do I have still have advantage on my dex saving throws? As an eel?

MATT: The effect is still on there, so yeah.

TALIESIN: Very clever eel.

LIAM: So it's, 'cause I'm blessed as well-- oh, it's a 32.


MATT: For dex saving throw?

LAURA: But wait, no, it's-- is it an eel's--

MATT: No, it's an attack roll.

LIAM: Oh, it's an attack roll. Oh, okay.

MATT: Against your AC, which as an eel is like, ten, so you take damage.

LIAM: Oh, okay.

MARISHA: You take its physical--

LAURA: -- attributes.


MATT: That is 18 points of bludgeoning damage.

LIAM: What did it roll? Sorry, I thought--


MATT: 28.

LIAM: Oh it definitely hit. Yeah, I'm sorry.

MATT: 28.

LAURA: Plus, you're an eel. It's a 10 AC.

MATT: So your eel form is destroyed--

LIAM: Got it.


MATT: -- and you take eight points of bludgeoning damage, and you are grappled.

LAURA: Fuck.

TALIESIN: He's got the dagger, though.

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: Wait, why is his eel form destroyed?

LAURA: 'Cause it was 10 hit--

MATT: 'Cause it has almost no hit points.

LIAM: 'Cause it smacked the shit out of me.

MATT: The lightning did nothing, but it just bludgeoned and grabbed and squeezed around the eel, and then you formed back within its grasp.

TALIESIN: It's not a giant eel, it's just an eel.

LAURA: Yeah. He's got like no hit points as an eel.

MARISHA: Yeah, all right.

TALIESIN: I can kill an eel. Anybody can.

MARISHA: All right.

LIAM: I'm sorry, Matt, what was the hit point damage?

MATT: "All right", you arguing?

LIAM: There's so much shit--

LAURA: Eight. Eight.

MARISHA and TALIESIN: No. No, we're not arguing.

MARISHA: "All right" is not the same as someone who's arguing.

MATT: Just making sure. I know. It's all good.

MARISHA: "All right" is literally "all right."

SAM: Snakes have, like, two hit points.

TALIESIN: No that's a kitten, have two hit points. Snakes have, like, six.

MATT: I just, I rolled you guys to have ten hit points in that form.

TALIESIN: Yeah, we're ten-hit-point eels.

MARISHA: That's fine.

TALIESIN: That's fair.

MATT: Yeah, flying snake is, like, five hit points, so. You're fine.


TALIESIN: They have flying snake? Never mind, I don't want to know.

MATT: So that ends-- all right, so that was on Percy's turn. End of that turn. It's back to the Kraken's turn.

TRAVIS: Great.

MATT: The kraken gets its legendary actions back.

LIAM and LAURA: Shit.

MARISHA: Did you skip me?

SAM: You did plenty.

LIAM: You turned us into eels.

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: I thought I was after Vax?

MATT: Vax went, then you turned everyone into eels.


MATT: And then it went to the 20 count.

LAURA: And then I went, then Percy went.

MATT: So now it's back to the kraken.

LIAM: I just got whacked.

MARISHA: I confused you with Percy.

MATT: You did, it's okay.

TALIESIN: It happens.

MATT: All right, the kraken's going to do three bashes.

LIAM: It's all right. We're both sad.

MATT: It's going to be against Grog, it's going to be against Keyleth, it's going to be against Taryon.

SAM: Yeah.

LAURA: Fuck.

MATT: Grog, that is 29.


MATT: Taryon, that is 31.

SAM: Nope.

MATT: (laughs) And, Keyleth, that is 34. All right. So against Grog, that is 24 points of bludgeoning damage.

TRAVIS: Halved to 12.

MATT: You are an eel and grappled. You are out of your eel form and you're grappled. So-- well, your eel form just goes dead then you take-- what did I say again? It was 24--


MATT: You take 14 points of bludgeoning damage-- still raging-- halved to seven.


MATT: Taryon, your eel form is destroyed.

SAM: Mm-hm.

MATT: That would be 22 points, so you take 12 points of bludgeoning damage.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: And you are grappled. Keyleth-- lucky roll. That is, 14 points of bludgeoning damage. Your eel form is done. You're grappled, and you take four points of bludgeoning damage.


MATT: Eel freed itself, so now you're back up on your feet.

MARISHA: Who's still an eel?

SAM: No one.

LAURA: Me and Percy.

TALIESIN: Neal the eel.

MATT: Taryon as well.

TRAVIS: Can I make a retaliation since he smacked me?

MATT: You can.

MATT: Against him or the tentacle?

TRAVIS: The tentacle.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: Reckless.

MATT: Reckless.

LAURA: Ooh, that's good.

TRAVIS: That's a 31.

MATT: That hits.

TRAVIS: Seven, 22.

MATT: 22 points of damage. You slam into the tentacle and it's still holding, but it's looking severely damaged. It's starting to-- the muscle's starting to tear apart. All right.

MARISHA: Don't kill it.

MATT: That brings us to Grog, your turn. Grog, your turn.

LAURA: It's okay, it's okay.

TALIESIN: We can bring it back.

TRAVIS: May I make my first strike a vengeance upon that stupid tentacle?

MATT: Go for it.

TRAVIS: Yep. Reckless! That was not a roll. 30.

MATT: 30.

(all laugh)

SAM: I need some d8s.

TRAVIS: One, 16 points of damage.

MATT: 16 points of damage. You slam it again. This time the tentacle tears open and you're free. You are no longer grappled.

TRAVIS: Sweet. Who's in the tentacle next to me?

MATT: You're gathering at this point, like, somewhere having around 30 points of damage gets rid of the tentacle.

TALIESIN: Are we down three tentacles now?

LAURA: Yeah, how many tentacles are we--

MATT: You now are down four tentacles total. Six left.

TALIESIN: Oh. Six left.

TRAVIS: Who's in the tentacle next to me?

MATT: Just below you about ten feet is Keyleth and Vax.

TRAVIS: I mosey over to the one that Keyleth is in.

MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: And I will smash that tentacle.

MATT: All right. Keyleth, I need you to make a constitution saving throw, by the way. With advantage.


TRAVIS: Should I go ahead and roll?

MATT: 'Cause you took damage-- with the shift form.

LAURA: Oh, right.

MARISHA: Oh boy.

LAURA: Is Beast Shape concentration?

MARISHA: Oh that's good. 15.

MATT: You're fine.

TRAVIS: That's a natural 20.

LAURA: Oh! That's a natural 20!

MATT: Go ahead and roll damage for that plus your-- ha. So, roll the d10.


MATT: Times two.

TRAVIS: Which is a nine.

TRAVIS and MATT: Eighteen.

TRAVIS: And I get a two additional damage die.

MATT: Yes, you do. So roll two more d10s.

TRAVIS: Okay. Actually, I do nine plus the rage damage, and then I just roll this twice.

MATT: Yes.

TRAVIS: Right. Okay, so that's--

MATT: Well, nine plus rage damage-- well, nine times two, so it's 18 plus rage damage, plus your strength modifier. You destroyed the tentacle. The tentacle's dead.


(all laugh)

MATT: Yeah, Keyleth's tentacle is just smeared like a-- you slam into it and watch as a cloud of dark purple liquid kind of goes past her face. The blood from the kraken clears and the tentacle just goes limp, the section that's been removed from the rest of the tendril.

TRAVIS: Not that you even need it, but I try and release Vax as well.

MATT: Go for it. So roll for--

TRAVIS: Reckless! 16. 30-- 20-- 32.

MATT: Yeah, it hits.

TRAVIS: Cool. Seven. 22.

MATT: 22. You slam into the side of Vax's tentacle, bash it, bash it. It's starting to tear apart, but it's not enough to free him entirely.

TRAVIS: Cool. I am going to biggity-buck the fat out!

(all laugh)

MATT: All right, your movement is 50, and you've not used Alter Self, right?

TRAVIS: No, 'cause I don't have that!

MATT: Yes, that's--

LAURA: Yes you do. You have a coin!

TRAVIS: Oh, but that--

MATT: Yeah, but you have to use an action to do so. So that's five, ten--

LAURA: But that's good to know.

MATT: -- 15, 20, 25. 'Cause your movement's 50 normally.


MATT: So that's as far as you can get just kind of swimming by, trying to get over there. Ends your turn, Grog.

TRAVIS: Thank you.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: Making real good distance.

MATT: End of your turn, it's going to use Lightning Storm. Two actions. It's going to hit Grog, Vax, and Keyleth. Need all three of you to make dexterity saving throws, with Vax at disadvantage.

MARISHA: Is this considered a spell?

MATT: Nope.


TRAVIS: Are we all at disadvantage on the dex throws?

MATT: No, just Vax.

TRAVIS: Okay, so I get two.

MARISHA: Don't fuck me, Gil!

LIAM: 21.

MARISHA: What am I doing? Dex save?

MATT: That's not going to make it, unfortunately.

LIAM: So the fail means I take half damage.

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: Plus the Deathwalker's Ward, so quarter damage.

MATT: Correct.

TRAVIS: 17 for me.

MARISHA: 22 for--

MATT: And Taryon as well, actually.

SAM: Oh! Great.

TRAVIS: Oh, wait! Blessed. Blessed! #Blessed, bitch!

LAURA: Still?

TALIESIN: Add a d4.

MARISHA: (gasps)

LIAM: I haven't made a constitution save in a while.

SAM: I mean, I'm grappled, right? So.

MATT: Well, it's not at disadvantage.

SAM: Oh. Okay.

MARISHA: Not great.

SAM: 12.

MATT: Wait, you're restrained, you are-- yes. So yes. You do.

SAM: Natural one.

(all groan)

MATT: Yeah, so 24 points lightning damage.

SAM: Okay.

TALIESIN: You're awake.

MARISHA: 21 total for me?

MATT: 24 points of lightning damage.

MARISHA: I'm unconscious.

MATT: Keyleth falls unconscious once more. Vax.

LIAM: My turn? I'm just going to repeat what I did before. Attack--

MATT: No, no. What-- you take 24 reduced to half--

LIAM: To a quarter.

MATT: Yeah. So 12 points of lightning damage. Reduced to quarter--

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: -- six.

LIAM: Six.

MATT: Then Grog--


MATT: 24 points lightning damage reduced to half.

TRAVIS and MATT: 12.

MATT: All right, so! That was the end of Grog's turn. Taryon, your turn.

SAM: I reach into my magic satchel, this time pulling out a powerful healing potion, which I drink by myself.

MATT: Okay.

(all laugh)

SAM: Okay. 14, 21--

MARISHA: Is that what you needed all the d8s for?

SAM: Uh-huh. (laughs)

TALIESIN: Could have had a d8.

SAM: 35.

MATT: All right. Heal yourself 35.


SAM: Yeah.

LAURA: That's a major healing spell.

SAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: Give me my d8s back.

(all laugh)

MARISHA: Fuck you.

MATT: You still have your bonus action, if you want to do anything.

SAM: Just sort of gently weep.

TRAVIS: Weep! (laughs)

SAM: Yeah, just kind of weep softly.

MATT: Vax, you're up.

SAM: I'll do one more Sanctuary on myself! That's my last spell.

MATT: Sanctuary, technically, is still lasting, 'cause it's not concentration.

SAM: It's not! Oh, well then--

MATT: Well, no, every time you attack you lose it. You're right. I keep forgetting that, so yes.

SAM: But I haven't attacked him in a while.

LAURA: You've attacked him with acid since.

MATT: You cut a tentacle.

SAM: I did. I did.

MATT: So Sanctuary is back up. Okay.

LIAM: Is it on me now?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: All right. Keyleth is adjacent to me, right? On the ground?

MATT: Yes, she is.

LIAM: Okay. So I'm going to use my first action to cast Lay On Hands and dump five hit points into her to wake her back up.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Next action is going to be to throw Whisper into the ground again. And bamf to it.

MATT: All right. You just escape the grasp.

LIAM: And I'm going to use bonus action to back up fucking 30 feet towards the big-- yeah, towards the portal.

MATT: All right. By the way, all your guys' forms? You revert back to your normal selves. You are no longer eels.

MARISHA: Yeah I kind of went unconscience.

MATT: So you're backing up 30 feet?

LIAM: Yeah, backing up.

TRAVIS: Unconscience?

MARISHA: Unconscious.

TRAVIS: Take it easy there, champ.

MARISHA: Yeah, you know.

TRAVIS: Take it real slow.

MATT: You are hasted, so yeah, 30 feet. You just get out of the range. It's going to take an attack of opportunity on you with its tentacle. That is-- nine plus 18 is 27 to hit.

LIAM: Oh, that hits. Yeah.

MARISHA: It's Gil's fault.


MATT: You take--

LIAM: Uncanny Dodge.

MATT: -- 21 points of bludgeoning damage.

LIAM: Okay. Halved to ten or 11?

MATT: Halved to ten and you are grappled by the tentacle.

LAURA: Ah, jeez!

LIAM: Mother bitch!

TRAVIS: Love America.

SAM: We just gotta get out of here.

(all laugh)

TRAVIS: I'm gonna kill this stupid sea puppy.

LAURA: Don't kill it. Don't kill it.

SAM: Don't kill it, get us out of there!

MARISHA: No! No, no, no. Get us out. Get us out.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: Leave it armless.

MARISHA: Leave it alone.

MATT: Keyleth, it's your turn. You come to consciousness. Once more you watch as Vax is darting off and a tentacle wraps around him. You see Taryon pulled, but the rest of your allies are rushing off in the distance.

MARISHA: We have all the lodestones, right?

LAURA: Yes, we do. All the lodestones.

TALIESIN: Are you getting hit in the head?

MARISHA: Yes! I literally have! Fuck!

MATT: What are you doing?

MARISHA: Who is closest by the portal?

MATT: You can't see from where you are. It's actually blocked. You just see this giant, jutting underwater structure.

TRAVIS: An ink cloud.

LAURA: No, not anymore.

MARISHA: There's an ink cloud?

LAURA: No, not anymore. They got--

MARISHA: I got rid of that, right?

MATT: No, you only got rid of part of it here. The ink cloud still sits in this vicinity.


MARISHA: Okay. Oh, dear god. I'm gonna Control Water again.

MATT: You're casting it again?

MARISHA: Yeah, I'm casting it again.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Get outta there.

MARISHA: Who's around me?

MATT: Around you it is Grog, it is Vax, and it is Taryon.

MARISHA: I am going to--

MATT: And a shark.

MARISHA: -- push us towards the portal with Control Water. Just (sound of rushing water).

MATT: All of you, towards the portal?

MARISHA: Yeah. Control Water towards the portal.

MATT: All right. Say, 20 feet. Five, ten, 15, 20. Five, ten, 15, 20. Five, ten, 15, 20.

MARISHA: Is there anyone still held on by the kraken?


MATT: Yeah.


MATT: I mean, Taryon and Vax are still grappled by it, and this-- the kraken gets moved to there.

LIAM: It's got some long-ass tentacles.

MARISHA: Vax is still grappled?

MATT: 30-foot range.

LAURA: Yeah, and Tary.

LIAM: Yeah. I was just at the edge of its range and it snagged me.

MATT: So you're right there.

MARISHA: Okay. I'm gonna take a Grasping Vine, I'm gonna grab Vax and yank him towards me from this-- who's got the thing? From that-- that one closest by.

MATT: And yank him towards you?

LIAM: Back towards the kraken?

MARISHA: This one.

LAURA: Why are you trying to yank him towards you? You are directly under the Kraken.

MATT: You cannot see this, unfortunately.

MARISHA: I can't see that?

MATT: No, this is all obscured with ink right now.

MARISHA: Can I see this red thing?

MATT: This thing got pushed this way--

MARISHA: Can I see this?

MATT: Actually, with your Control Water that pushed this way would have cleared some ink in this area, but right now this whole structure is blocking it. You cannot see this rock.

MARISHA: Can I see this red thing in front of me?

MATT: This here, you can. Vax is right next to it.

MARISHA: Okay. I'm gonna drag him closer in. I wanna drag-- send him this way.

[no audio]

LIAM: -- wooden structure?

MARISHA: Beyond it.

MATT: Well, the Grasping Vine only pulls things towards where it emanates, and since he's right next to this, it'll just pull him right against it.

MARISHA: Okay, Tary-- where's Tary?

MATT: Tary's right here as well, it'll just pull him into the rock.

MARISHA: Well, bullshit all the way around. Then I just swim desperately, doggy paddle towards the portal.

MATT: You still have your bonus action.

MARISHA: There's-- what's left?

MATT: Your Wild Shape? Is five hit points?

LAURA: Oh, yeah, that could be smart. Since-- so you don't go unconscious again.

LIAM: Whale it, dude.

MARISHA: All right. I'll killer whale towards the portal.

MATT: Not to tell you what you're doing, but this is your thing and you're at five hit points, right underneath the kraken, the closest to it.

MARISHA: Where am I?

MATT: You're here.

LIAM and LAURA: You're right under the kraken!

MARISHA: All right. All right. All right.

(LAURA laughs)

TALIESIN: It's very hard to see from this-- I will say--

MARISHA: It is very hard to see from what this is--

TALIESIN: --this map is a nightmare.

TRAVIS: Can we get some ammonia that we can pour on a cloth and just, like, take a big whiff of?


LAURA: Just wake her up?

MATT: What are you-- what are you Shaping into?

LAURA: Adrenaline.

MARISHA: I'll go killer whale.

MATT: Killer whale!


MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: I think there's some in the first aid kit in the hallway. I'm pretty sure I stole some last week.

TALIESIN: More kraken.

MARISHA: That was true.

TALIESIN: Oh my god, you actually have a mini for that one.

MATT: I don't actually. I did not come--

LIAM: I remember that bag.

MATT: I'll say for the sake of this-- for the time being this--

MARISHA: It's fine.

MATT: -- this Naga will be your killer whale. Sure. That'll work.

LIAM: So pretty.

MATT: All righty.

MARISHA: And all of my Control Water direction is towards the portal.

MATT: Yes.


MATT: You've cleared out some of the ink in this area. That's your turn.


MATT: All righty. Top of the round. The kraken is going to go ahead and-- the water current seems to shift in the opposite direction. I need each creature within 60 feet of the kraken, which is all of you, to make a strength saving throw.


LIAM: Son of a bitch.

TALIESIN: Aw, god damn it.

MARISHA: Is that including me?

MATT: Yeah, all of you.

SAM: 11.

MATT: 11?


MATT: 23, all right.


MATT: So you only get pushed ten feet.


MATT: Okay.

LIAM: 18.

LAURA: 23.

LIAM: Ooh.

MATT: Pushed ten feet.

LAURA: But only ten for Trinket.

MATT: Okay.


MATT: 22 is a failure. All right. So that is 60 feet away from the kraken for everyone who failed.

SAM: What does that mean?


SAM: We're just pushed away?

MATT: You're right over here, pushed away.

TALIESIN: It's doing a big like (raspberry).

MATT: The water just rushes through and pushes all of you away. Trinket is pushed--

MARISHA: Who failed?

MATT: -- 60 feet that direction.

SAM: About everyone.

LAURA: All right.

MATT: Roll for the shark, if you could. It's gonna maintain its grapple on you guys, you guys are just being yanked in that direction.

LAURA: Does he--

MARISHA: Wait, who failed?

SAM: Like, everyone.

TALIESIN: Everyone.

LIAM: Yeah.

LAURA: I mean, 18 is what I rolled, I don't know I add for it.

MATT: Yeah, so no, that's not gonna-- so the shark gets pushed up into that, there.

SAM: Fucking kraken. Do I get slammed into that thing?

MATT: Actually, you do, but it doesn't do any damage, it just kind of pushes you in the tentacle, kind of holds you there. Keeping you grappled. It's not gonna release the grapple.

TALIESIN: That acid's gotta be-- burn through that at some point. Is that a contained--

SAM: That's a different tentacle.

MATT: Yep.

TALIESIN: Damn it.

MATT: All right. So. That brings us to Vex's turn.

TALIESIN: One less.

LAURA: I mean, do I see any of this happening as I'm just fucking swimming away? I guess my--

MATT: All the ink has now washed away to the space, and everyone gets pushed away by the force of the water.

LAURA: Fuck. I'm gonna swim up so I can see down over the rock.

SAM: (accented) Over the rock?

MATT: Okay, so there, and you can just--

LIAM: What's your character's name?

MATT: -- see over this way, you can see your brother there--

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: -- you see the kraken, you see everyone being pushed to this way, and everything being shoved to that direction.

LAURA: I'm gonna try to shoot an arrow into the tentacle holding my brother.

MATT: All right, go for it.

LIAM: Where'd the Key-whale go?

LAURA: Oh. Disadvantage, right?

MATT: Yep.

LAURA: Same thing. 25?

MATT: 25 hits. Go and roll damage.

LAURA: 15, 16, 17. 17 damage, with four lightning, which I'm sure does nothing.

MATT: Nope. That's enough. Your arrow goes right through, and that's the last bit of damage it needs to actually sever that tentacle.

LIAM: Love you!

LAURA: Sweet.

MATT: Freeing him. All right.

LAURA: And then I'm gonna-- do I have any movement to swim back down and hide? As my bonus?

MATT: You could certainly try. If you land back down that way--

LAURA: Oh, miss it.

MATT: So go ahead and roll-- breaking line of sight just barely, go ahead and make a hide check.

LAURA: 22.

MATT: 22. Okay.

LAURA: And then I'm gonna have my shark attack him.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: How many tentacles does it have?

MATT: The shark has a speed of what? 40?

LAURA: Yeah.


MATT: 30, 35, 40. Just barely gets up into the space to hit it, so.

LAURA: Plus nine-- 17 plus nine is 26!

MATT: 26 hits!

TALIESIN: Good shark.

LAURA: Good shark. Good shark. Good shark. With a bite attack--

LIAM: Frickin' lasers.

LAURA: Sweet. 14.

MATT: 14 points of damage. All righty.

LAURA: I'm just using Trinket's stats, 'cause that's what I had in front of me.

MATT: Sure.

LAURA: Is that terrible?

MATT: Yeah. But it's fine.

LAURA: I'm sorry.

MATT: You haven't done enough damage, near enough, to really threaten the kraken yet, so you're fine.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: What turn's that?

MATT: Ending Vex's turn!


MATT: End of the turn, it's gonna use its last legendary action. It's going to go ahead and make a tentacle attack at you.

LAURA: Oh, and Trinket's gonna swim towards the door.

MATT: That's as far as Trinket can get. All righty. That is a 29 to hit.

LIAM: Shit balls. 28. Wait--


LIAM: I'm Blessed!

LAURA: It's your AC.

MATT: It's your AC.

LAURA: It's just your AC.

LIAM: Oh, fuck a duck, I thought I was doing it in-- a Dex save. Then it got me.

MATT: That is 18 points of bludgeoning damage.

LIAM: Sure.

MATT: And you are grappled.

LIAM: Uncanny Dodge.

MATT: Right. So nine.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: And it grapples you once more with that tentacle.

LIAM: Okay.

TRAVIS: How many tentacles were left, like three?

MATT: Five.


LAURA: Fuck, he has a lot of tentacles.

TALIESIN: They go down-- they go down fast, though.

LIAM: Get out, get, go.

MATT: All righty. Percival. Your turn.

TALIESIN: I am booking double speed to that door, 'cause I am useless--

MARISHA: Get out, get out, get out, get out.

MATT: That's as far as you can go.

TALIESIN: And I'm also-- I've got form this-- so I'm full speed.

MATT: What form?

MARISHA: Alter Self. Alter Self.

TALIESIN: Fins and gills. Alter Self.

MATT: That's right, you did, yeah. So, yeah.

MARISHA: Alter Self. Go, go, go out--

LAURA: And you're out!

MARISHA: Out! You're out!

MATT: You leap out, you are through.

LAURA: One's out! One's out!

LIAM: Yes, one of us will live!

TALIESIN: I am holding-- I am just, like, waiting on the other end for everybody.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: But you made it! That's good!

LIAM: Who lives, who dies--

LIAM, MARISHA AND TALIESIN: --who tells our story.

TALIESIN: Please, please no. Please, no.

LIAM: It's too late!

LAURA: It already happened.

LIAM: It's done.

MATT: Top of the kraken's turn--

LIAM: Jeez.

MARISHA: Just tell 'em, tell 'em Percy! Tell Doty!

MATT: It's gonna move over here--

TALIESIN: I'm just so useless in this fight.

MATT: Grappled, Vax?

MARISHA: That's not true.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: It's going-- giant beak--

LAURA: No, no, no!

MATT: -- opens up towards you. That is a two plus 18, that is a 20 to hit.


MATT: Because of the Haste bonus.

LIAM: Yes.

TRAVIS: Oh, he does not swallow you.

LAURA: He doesn't swallow you!

MATT: I fuckin' rolled a two. Okay, all right, as it goes and snaps towards you--

LIAM: Van Damme splits, just out of the way!

LAURA: But grappled.

MATT: However, hang on. However, while you were attacked, you were restrained, so--

LAURA: I'm gonna throw up.

MATT: -- restrained creatures, attacks against them do have advantage.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: So, that is a 28.

LIAM: See ya later, guys.

SAM: You got swallowed?

LIAM: Mm-hm.

LAURA: What if you--


MATT: I just realised that, 'cause it says-- I forgot, it says here-- it says until the target's grapple ends the target is restrained, and attacks against restrained creatures have advantage.

LIAM: Is that at all connected to dexterity?


LIAM: No. Okay.

MATT: Sorry.

LIAM: It's all right.

MATT: So that is--

SAM: Are you dead inside of it?

LAURA: Is this the ultimate fight of like--

SAM: Or just inside of it?

LAURA: Yes! Ugh.

MARISHA: No, he's just inside.

MATT: 15, 24, 34 points of piercing damage.

LIAM: I'm out.

LAURA: (gasps) you're unconscious inside of him?

MATT: And you are swallowed.

TRAVIS: Holy fucking shit.

SAM: He'll be fine. He'll be fine!

TRAVIS: This is insane. Oh my god.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

MATT: That is the kraken's turn, Grog, you're up. You watch as it just swallows Vax as his eyes go limp, and the jaws just take his not moving form and swallow inside.


MARISHA: Does Keyleth see this?

MATT: You do, 'cause you're back here. Make an intelligence check.

TRAVIS: An intelligence check?

MATT: I know.

TRAVIS: Hold on, everybody. Prepare for an amazing--

LAURA: Natural 20.


MATT: All right. What are you doing?

TRAVIS: I am gonna attack this big stupid sea-chicken.

MATT: Okay, so you just get into melee range.

TRAVIS: Wait, I mean-- yeah. Yeah.

SAM: Yeah, 'course.

MARISHA: Go for it, that's exactly what Grog would do.

TRAVIS: Yeah, can I aim for one of its tentacles that is functioning?

MATT: Sure. Go for it.

TRAVIS: Cool. Reckless. Natural 20.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Should've made it-- That's a--


TRAVIS: Ten, plus, 25, 30, 35.

MATT: 35 points of damage. You go ahead and sever one of the nearby immediate tentacles as it's whipping around you.

TRAVIS: I'll take the next tentacle that works.

MATT: Okay. As you finish that strike, you feel this strange sense piercing into your relatively unprotected skull.

TRAVIS: It's very unprotected.

MATT: As no language peeks through, but you get this very strong, angry, hungry sense-- this emotional force that says, "Oh, now you've made me angry."

SAM: Ooh.

MATT: You start realising very quickly that this creature, while it seemed like a force of nature, has been just feeding, but you've got its attention now.

SAM: Ooh.

MATT: Its instinct has turned now to its intellect to reach out to its food. You've made it angry. What are you doing with your next attack?

LAURA: Fuck. We shouldn't have attacked it so much.

TRAVIS: Apparently, my hammer is talking to me. Reckless attack.

MATT: All right.


MATT: That hits.

TRAVIS: Okay. 17.

MATT: 17 damage? All righty.

TRAVIS: Last attack-- that tentacle's still fine, right?

MATT: Yes it is, damaged, but it's still there.

TRAVIS: Yeah. All right, Reckless. 31.

MATT: 31 hits.

TRAVIS: Ten. 25.

MATT: 25. You destroy another tentacle, as three are currently remaining.

SAM: One of them's around my neck.

TRAVIS: Yeah, so one of 'em's on Tary, and there are two free?

MATT: Correct.


MATT: That ends your turn.

TRAVIS: I am going to use my not incredible speed to just--

MATT: You used your full speed to move up to it.

TRAVIS: I'm gonna just end my turn.

MATT: Okay.


MATT: Taryon.

SAM: I mean, I mean--

TALIESIN: Do you have-- do you have a Hail Mary?

SAM: I mean-- No!

TALIESIN: This is-- wow.

SAM: No, I have-- my Hail Mary I did on my first turn. I'm going to try to break free. I will put my finger up right next to-- against the tentacle, and just use that Ring of the Ram, and just try to punch through it.

MATT: Okay. So, how many charges--

SAM: I regained three.

MATT: Okay, so you use all three charges?

SAM: I have all three charges.

MATT: Go for it. So go ahead and make your ranged spell attack with disadvantage.

SAM: 12 plus nine is 21.

MATT: That hits! Go--

SAM: Oh wait, disadvantage, shit. That's less. That's 17.

MATT: 17 just misses. You try and squeeze it by and the ring releases and it smashes into the rock and destroys part of the nearby plant life, which then begins to just float away, chunks of rock and sand, and some of the underground dark soot begins to billow out. The tentacle still remains affixed around you.

SAM: Terrible.

TALIESIN: Do you have a bonus action? Anything you can--

MATT: All right.

SAM: I mean, I don't have any potions, or anything, I-- nope, that's it.

MATT: It is going to use one of its legendary actions to attack Grog with one of its remaining tentacles.

LAURA: He's a defeatist, if I've ever seen it.

MATT: That is a 34.

TRAVIS: I think that hits.

MATT: Grog, you take 19 points of bludgeoning damage, reduced to nine--


MATT: -- and you are grappled.

TALIESIN: It only has one more tentacle left that is available.

MARISHA: We can't fucking kill it, you guys, don't kill it.

TRAVIS: I would like to make a Retaliatory Attack.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: A Retali-tali--

TALIESIN: It can have no tentacles. It can still feed.

MATT: Against?

TRAVIS: The one that grappled me.

MATT: Okay, go for it.

TALIESIN: They'll grow back.

TRAVIS: Reckless.

MARISHA: They won't grow back.

TRAVIS: That's a 31 again.

MATT: That hits. Roll damage.

TRAVIS: Okay. 21.

MATT: 21 points of damage. You slam into it, it looks like it's pulling apart, but the muscle's still holding tight. Vax. I need you to make a death saving throw with advantage.

MARISHA: Don't die.

MATT: Okay. Brings us to Keyleth.

TRAVIS: Did it work?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: You're back here.

MARISHA: Who's grappled and who's closest to the portal?

MATT: Grog is closest to you, grappled, and there is Taryon on the other side, that you cannot quite see.

MARISHA: I still have Control Water up, correct?

MATT: You would, yes.

MARISHA: Taryon and Grog are both grappled?


MATT: Correct.

MARISHA: And I'm free underneath them?


MATT: You're free over here, yes.

LIAM: Yeah, you got loose.

SAM: You're the naga.

MARISHA: Okay. I used Alter Self originally, correct?

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: Alter Self. So I still have all my Beast Shaping, correct?

MATT: Correct.


MATT: Well, you have your beast shape you used to turn into this form.


MATT: Your Wild Shape you used to into this form.

SAM: You're a whale right now.

MARISHA: I didn't use Alter Self to do that?

SAM: No.

LAURA: You used Beast Form on that.

SAM: Alter Self doesn't do that.

MARISHA: Oh, okay cool.

MATT: Alter Self just gives you gills and fins, you used--

LAURA: You used Beast Form to turn into a whale.

MARISHA: Sorry, sorry, sorry, I meant, sorry, I meant-- Animal Shapes. No?

MATT: Animal Shapes you've already cast on everybody--

MARISHA: I've used Animal Shapes to everybody?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Right, but you lost concentration--

MARISHA: I used that to me, right.

MATT: -- when you went unconscious.

MARISHA: All right. Cool, cool, cool. Cool. Okay. I'm gonna try to get Grog out of the grasp again with my Grasping Vine.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Bonus action first. See if I can--

MATT: Grasping Vine from where?


MATT: You can have it come out of the ground here if you want it to.

MARISHA: He's right here?

MATT: Grog is right here.

MARISHA: Correct? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I wanna be over here-ish.

LAURA: You're pointing at the TV screen.


SAM: (laughs)

MARISHA: Yeah. It's hard 'cause I don't literally have access beyond this rock.

MATT: So pulling up this way?

MARISHA: On the other side of that, closest to the portal? Yeah.


MARISHA: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's what I want.

MATT: Okay, so we'll say, pulling this way.


MATT: All right. Go ahead and roll a d20 plus your wisdom modifier.

MARISHA: Don't fuck me, Gil!


MARISHA: What is that? What is that? Not-- What is that? What is that?

TALIESIN: Oh, that's good! Okay, yeah, that's really hard to see, sorry, 'cause of the light. That's a 17.

LIAM: Plus your wisdom modifier.

MARISHA: That is a 17?

TALIESIN: That is a 17, yes.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

LIAM: 17 plus.

MARISHA: Sorry, I don't want to feel insane. Plus my wisdom modifier.

LIAM: Yes.

MATT: Correct.

MARISHA: (nervous laugh)

MATT: Which is?

MARISHA: 30-- sorry, 28! 28!

MATT: Your Wisdom modifier is plus six, right?

MARISHA: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry, not a saving throw, so 20-- 17 plus six, which is 25?

MATT: All right, so you pull Grog this way, and with Grasping--

LAURA: 23.

MATT: -- Vine, that's a range of what?

MARISHA: 23? 17 plus five-- six?

MATT: What's the range of your Grasping Vine?

LIAM: The range. The range of Grasping Vine.

MATT: How long-- how far does it pull?

MARISHA: It's a 30-foot range, with another 30-foot range coming from me. So 60 foot total.

MATT: Right. So you-- okay, you can pull him out of the range, it does break--

MARISHA: 30 foot.

MATT: Yeah. So you do break the grapple on Grog, and pull him away from that.

TALIESIN: Drinking again.


MATT: All right. So your movement.

MARISHA: And then I have my action, and my movement.

MATT: Correct.

MARISHA: And I'm a normal person right now, or am I a whale?

MATT: No. You're a whale, still. You haven't taken any damage. You just got pushed away.


MATT: Which actually, technically, in whale form you couldn't cast the spell.

MARISHA: I wouldn't be able to cast the spell.

MATT: So would you drop your form?


SAM: For sure.

MATT: Okay. So Keyleth--

MARISHA: Yeah, I would definitely drop the form.

MATT: Keyleth is back into that, cast the spell.

MARISHA: And then I have another spell. Correct?

MATT: You have your-- well, you have your-- you can cast your--

MARISHA: Second level or lower.

MATT: -- second level or lower as your action, and you have your movement still.

MARISHA: So-- fuckin' A, this is complicated. Okay. Then I would cast, oh, shit. I got Grog out. Who's almost dead?

LAURA: Well, Vax is inside of the kraken.


TRAVIS: Vax is inside--

MARISHA: Yeah, I don't know if I can do anything about that right now, though. I can cast a second level or lower-- oh my god, this is awful.

SAM: Just heal yourself.

MARISHA: All right. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll heal myself-- sorry, for another Healing Word, level two-- last level two spell.

MATT: Okay. And you're gonna move towards the--

MARISHA: I'm gonna move-- no, I'm gonna stay close towards the kraken.

MATT: So you're gonna stay here?


MATT: Or move towards the kraken? Are you not moving?

MARISHA: Where am I?

MATT: You're right here.

LIAM: It's hard to see on the screen.

MARISHA: You're actually not even on the screen.


MATT: Right, but you can see my fingers.

MARISHA: I can see your fingers-- let me move closer towards the kraken and towards the portal.

MATT: There you go.

MARISHA: And that's all I'll do.

MATT: So we'll say there.

MATT: Okay. Got you. Top of the lair action--

MARISHA: And I heal myself, sorry, level two--

MATT: Yes. Do that.

MARISHA: -- which is 2d8. Healing Word.

MATT: All right. I need everybody to make--

SAM: Oh boy.

MARISHA: Sorry. 2d4.

MATT: -- a constitution saving throw.

MARISHA: That's-- both ones. That sucks. One plus six--

SAM: 12!

TRAVIS: I'm not Blessed anymore, am I?

MATT: 13 points of lightning damage.

SAM: Great.

MATT: Percival.

TALIESIN: I'm not there.

MATT: You're not there. That's right. Keyleth. Constitution saving throw.

LIAM: Roll a d20.

MARISHA: Natural one.

MATT: 13 points of lightning damage.


MATT: 13. Vex.

MARISHA: I had 12 hit points, so I'm unconscious.

TRAVIS: Didn't you just heal yourself a little bit more, though?


MARISHA: I-- for 12. And now I'm zero.

LIAM: But you would have 20--

MATT: Wait, wait, you were at five before.

LIAM: You were at five. You couldn't have been at zero.

MARISHA: And then I healed seven.

LIAM: Oh, to seven to get to 12.

LAURA and MATT: Ooh.

MARISHA: And I healed seven 'cause I rolled two ones.

MATT: Yeah, Keyleth goes unconscious.

MARISHA: So-- no, no, no, wait-- I rolled two ones on my d4s.

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: And I have--

TALIESIN: Six plus two.

MARISHA: -- a plus six, so that's actually eight.

MATT: Eight?

MARISHA: Do I have one hit point left?

TALIESIN: You're at one hit point, you're at one hit point.

MARISHA: Is that accurate?

SAM: Eight plus five is--


SAM: -- eight plus five is 13, you just took 13 hit points.

MATT: You're zero.

LAURA: So you're at zero.

TALIESIN: You're at zero. Never mind. Fuck.

MATT: You just fall unconscious.

LAURA: You're at zero.

MARISHA: I'm at zero.


MATT: All righty.

MARISHA: God f-- damn it.

LAURA: I rolled a 20.

MATT: A 20?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: All right, so you take 13 points lightning damage.

LAURA: Okay, and Trinket rolled a-- like a four.

MATT: 13 points of lightning damage.

LAURA: Cool.

TRAVIS: 20-- 23 and resistance.

MATT: All right, so that's 11--

TALIESIN: It's gonna come down to Grog.

MATT: -- six points of lightning damage to you, Grog. All right, so Control Water is dropped.

MARISHA: Get out. Out.

MATT: That ends--


MARISHA: Get out. Get out.

MATT: -- Keyleth's turn. The 20 count.

TRAVIS: What about him?

MATT: Vex, what are you doing?

MARISHA: You're all-- I've got him. You've got three lodestones.

LAURA: I saw--

TALIESIN: You don't have--

MATT: You saw Keyleth just go--

TRAVIS: I only have one.

MARISHA: You and him.

MATT: -- get shocked as the burst of electrical energy shoots through the area, and she just kinda goes limp again, and is kind of floating in space.

LAURA: And I saw Vax get swallowed? Did I see that happen?

MATT: You would've just barely seen it over your shoulder. And heard someone say it over the earpiece.

LAURA: I-- fuckin' A. I swim up, and I swim-- god damn it.

MATT: You have your bonus action for a dash if you want to try and get closer, it's up to you.

LAURA: I'm gonna try to shoot thorns, I guess, Hail of Thorns, maybe? Actually, I'm gonna try-- yeah. I'm gonna try--

MATT: What are you doing?

LAURA: -- to shoot Hail of Thorns at-- directly at his mouth. I don't know, try to get him to like, do something to let go. Spit it up. It's the stupidest plan. I know. But, I'm not thinking clearly, my brother's got fucking swallowed.

MATT: Okay, what level Hail of Thorns?

LAURA: I'm gonna do it at-- Oh, everything within five feet, and Keyleth is in five feet.

MATT: No, Keyleth is over here.

LAURA: Okay. Is anything within five feet?

MATT: Currently, no.

LAURA: Okay. Then I'm gonna-- I'm gonna cast it at fourth level.

MATT: Fourth level?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: You still have a fourth-level spell?

LAURA: Oh no, I did Grasping Vine.

MATT: You did.


MATT: That's when you pull--

LAURA: No, I didn't.

MARISHA: That was me.

LAURA: No, I did Conjure Animals.

MATT: That's right, you did.

LAURA: So fourth level.

MATT: Yeah, okay, fourth level? So that is an additional 4d10 piercing damage towards the attack. Go ahead and roll the attack.

LAURA: 23?

MATT: 23 is the disadvantage?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay, that hits.

LAURA: 11 plus three lightning and then-- how many? 4d10?

MATT: 4d10.

LAURA: 18.

MATT: Okay, plus 18 points of damage. So as you fire the arrow, it sinks into the side of its mouth, just bursts with thorns in the vicinity. Kind of roils, but it doesn't seem to have any effect. You have your secondary attack if you want to.

LAURA: Yeah, I guess I'm gonna try to shoot at his eye.

MATT: Okay, go ahead and roll.

LAURA: 29.

MATT: 29 hits.

LAURA: 16, plus four lightning, nothing.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: And I'm gonna-- This is so stupid. I'm gonna swim back down and try to hide. I've got nothing.

MATT: You already used your bonus action, unfortunately. To cast the spell.

LAURA: Yes, I did. I'm gonna stand right there and say, fuck you, let go of my brother.

MATT: Okay. Percival, you're on the other side of the portal, looking through and you're watch--

TALIESIN: How long-- Can I see what's going on?

MATT: I mean, you get a slight-- If you peek out the side. It's still obscured and like, the water--

TALIESIN: And it's only been six seconds.

MATT: The Daylight spell is still kinda shooting out from underneath, so it's this beacon of light in the underwater area. So you get a decent view of what's going on. You see Keyleth kinda go limp in the distance. You see Grog there. You see Vex trying to shoot.

TALIESIN: No. (inhales) I'm gonna try and-- how far do I have on that? I'm gonna try and stick my head through the portal. I'm gonna try and cast Minor Illusion? In front of the beast?

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: t can't be complicated, can it? It's gotta be small.

MATT: Nope. It is a cantrip.

TALIESIN: It's a cantrip, so it's nothing. It's nothing fancy. I'm just gonna try and make a big meaty target appear. Just like a thing that looks like-- I'm gonna try and do like the shape of some aquatic animal? A small-- anything to try and get right in its face?

MATT: You concentrate through the portal and you watch just short of about 30 feet past you, a little shimmering space looks almost like a fish but it's almost translucent and blob-like.

TALIESIN: God damn it.

MATT: It's not really gonna help in this situation. Sorry.

TALIESIN: I got-- Other than-- Yeah, I got nothing. Other than trying to distract it.

MATT: All right. End of your turn?


MATT: It's going to use--

TALIESIN: I pull back through the portal, obviously, but.

MATT: All righty. As you pull back through and it returns, it's gonna ahead and use-- It's taking another legendary action to make a-- This is gonna be a tentacle attack against you, Grog?


MATT: With advantage, that's going to be nine plus 18, that's 27?

TRAVIS: That hits.

MATT: You take 12 points of bludgeoning damage plus ten, that's 22. Divided by that. 11.


MATT: All right, Percy's--

TRAVIS: Can I make a retalito-ri-teh?

MATT: You already used it.

TRAVIS: I did.

MATT: Sorry.

SAM: Retali-tali-tah?

MATT: It is now the Kraken's turn. At the top of the round, you lose a death saving throw?

SAM: To what?

MATT: As the acid begins to slowly burn away--

LAURA: Oh yeesh, this is gonna be--

MATT: Oh no, I mean like, you lose one. As the acid burns.

LIAM: Oh, it just goes. Okay.

MATT: The acid is slowly digesting you. It's gonna move four, five, ten, 15, 25, 30. We'll say for the purposes of this, you're right there, Grog. Space is getting a little cluttered over there.

TRAVIS: Am I grappled or did he just bitch slap me?

MATT: I mean, it hit you and grappled you.

TRAVIS: Okay, cool.

MATT: One of its remaining tentacles--

TALIESIN: Is Tary-- Tary's still held on?

MATT: Tary is--

SAM: Being pulled around.


MATT: You're being pulled up over the rock and dragged across.

LIAM and LAURA: (make impact noises)

MATT: Like, oh, good. Over there. That's a 34. You take-- this shit's getting intense

TALIESIN: (groans)

MATT: Oh my god

LIAM: Getting intense? Jesus

MATT: (laughs) That is--

MARISHA: God damn it

MATT: -- 29 points of piercing damage, halved--

TRAVIS: Okay, so that's?

MATT: To 14--


MATT: And it swallows you a second time.


LAURA: Good, then you can get Vax out.

MARISHA: Yeah, you can get Vax out.

MATT: Pulling you into its body--

TALIESIN: Good! I approve of this.

TRAVIS: You guys think this is part of a plan.

MATT: You are consumed and restrained once again in its dark space inside as you're pulled into the--

TRAVIS: Fuck this tiny hole shit.

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: That ends its turn, Grog, you're up.

TRAVIS: Ah, it's my turn now? I don't even get like a second to think about it?

MATT: Nope! Ah, as you're pulled inside the voice comes up again and it's now emanating outward to you as well, Vex, and in the unconscious darkness of Vax and Keyleth, the voice just says, "I've been here a long time, and I'll be here long after you are dust. Feed me and give me sustenance, I'll find my way through somehow." Grog?

TRAVIS: I take a greater healing potion. Can I reach Vax at all? Can I find any part of his foot or anything and pull him down to me?

MATT: All right, so-- you can either reach around for him, try and feel for him-- you can take a healing potion as a bonus action if you'd like

TRAVIS: It's not for me

MATT: Oh, it's not for you? You can make an investigation check to try and find him. This is gonna be your action to do so.

TRAVIS: Is he rough at all? Even close?

LIAM and LAURA: The kraken.

MATT: The kraken? Not from what you've seen. You guys haven't been doing focusing damage, you've been trying to move around him. He's lost a number of tentacles, but--

TRAVIS: Right, and those tentacles-- the tentacles don't count towards his overall damage?

MATT: No, they do.

TALIESIN: They do, but--

TRAVIS: (sighs loudly)

TRAVIS: What a choice. I am going to-- fuck it, I'm gonna make an investigation check for Vax.

MATT: Go for it.

LAURA: (groans)

TRAVIS: That's a big natural one.

MATT: Feeling around inside, you're unable to find any current form of Vax right now. However, you still have your bonus action and you are frenzied.

LIAM: Take that fucking potion. Take it.

TRAVIS: All right, I'll take the potion myself.

MATT: All righty.


MATT: So, what potion is it?

TRAVIS: It's a greater, my last greater

MATT: All right, 4d4 plus four hit points.

TRAVIS: 4d4 plus four.

LAURA: So that's 48 hit points healed!

TRAVIS: Seven, eight--

SAM: (laughs) Thanks, Laura.

TRAVIS: 11, 12.

MATT: Oh, Laura, do you want your shark to do anything, by the way?


SAM: Nailed it!

TRAVIS: 16 points of healing.

LAURA: Yeah, I want it to go and try and attack the tentacle that is holding Tary.

SAM: The shark? Hello, shark friend! Aquatic ally!

LIAM: I'll be back.

LAURA: 21? No, 22.

MATT: That hits, roll damage.

LAURA: 14.

MATT: 14. points of damage, that was one that had previously taken 22 points of damage--

SAM: Ooh!

MATT: the shark actually does tear the tentacle free, so technically Taryon, before you're about to get dragged over the coals of the top of this, before the shark actually tore into and removed your grapple from--

TALIESIN: And Trinket runs.

MATT: It is down to two tentacles.

LAURA: Trinket runs--

SAM: Wow.

LAURA: -- oh yeah, and Trinket ran towards the door

MARISHA: To the door, Taryon.

SAM: I can't hear anything.

MATT: Four here, four there.

TALIESIN: Well, and she's unconscious.

SAM: (laughs) I can't really see the layout-- is it my turn, by the way?

MATT: It is your turn now, yeah.

SAM: I can't really see the layout of that rock, can I see through it? Is there an under that I can--

MATT: There is actually-- there is a small, kind of under-- kind of a low bridge.

SAM: Well, ball sack. I can't move very fast now, can I?

MATT: You can move 15 feet, as you swim through.

SAM: Can I wiggle through, under the little outcropping there, and get to the other side?

MATT: 15. You can just get out to that side, yeah.

SAM: Do I have a clean line of sight on him?

MATT: On the kraken?

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: Yes, you do.

SAM: Okay. I mean-- I can't really--

TALIESIN: How many tentacles does the kraken have now?

MATT: Two more.

SAM: If I shoot the thing, the people inside will die. (nervous laugh)

LAURA: I don't know about that, it might keep them from getting digested

SAM: Nuh-uh. I don't think so

TALIESIN: Only one-- I mean, it's not like you're saving them by not hitting them at this point

SAM: They're gonna die.

TALIESIN: Yeah, no matter what you do.

MARISHA: Don't kill the kraken.

TALIESIN: Kraken ain't dying.

SAM: I mean--.

TALIESIN: Kraken got ten thousand hit points.

SAM: Wow.

TALIESIN: He's not even vaguely dying.

SAM: Is there a part of the kraken I can see that looks like I can do damage to it without hurting the main-- what is that, the thorax? (laughs)

MATT: You don't see any-- it is a big creature. Your friends are somewhere deep inside its fleshy, digesting interior, the outside is armored, and filled with very, very taut muscle and hide, so yeah. You would probably not damage your friends if you were careful.

SAM: All right, well, then I will take off a diamond and blast it with a Prismatic Spray.

LAURA: (gasps)

MATT: Oh shit.

TALIESIN: Thank god!

SAM: Yeah, yeah, except half of the things won't do anything to it.

TALIESIN: Yeah, but we are out of options!

LAURA: Well, still better than nothing.

TALIESIN: I am totally okay with a Hail Mary.

LAURA: Oh my god.

MATT: Okay, so as a Prismatic Spray, in this direction-- out this way, it'll just crest outside the front of the kraken and the tentacles-- let's see here. Prismatic Spray, that's a dexterity saving throw on that.

SAM: I'm sure it makes it.

MATT: That is a 23.

SAM: Yeah, of course it makes it.

MATT: All right, so roll for your first beam, which is against the kraken itself

SAM: Do I roll a d8? Or wait, to choose what kind of beam?

MATT: Are you focusing on the kraken or one of its tentacles?

SAM: I mean, no tentacles are holding anything right now, right?

MATT: Currently, no.

SAM: All right, so--

MATT: So it'd be just the kraken.

SAM: Just the kraken.

MATT: All right, so roll a d8 to see which beam hits it.

SAM: Five?

MATT: Five, that is 10d6 cold damage.

SAM: Oh, cold! That's good.

MATT: So go ahead and roll that.

TALIESIN: Want some d6s? Or are you okay?

SAM: Doesn't have resistance to that, right?

LAURA: Maybe.

SAM: Ten, right?


SAM: Eight, 14, 19, 30, 35.

MATT: 35 points of cold damage, reduced to half because it made its save.

SAM: (groans)

TRAVIS: Disable those tentacles, man.

MATT: That's 13. All right.

TALIESIN: if you do enough damage to it, it may vomit them out.

TRAVIS: No, we gotta do it from the inside.

MATT: You get that sense.

LAURA: (groans)

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: Do you have-- yeah, and the tentacles don't get a Prismatic Spray of their own?

MATT: Nah, it's one of those things where it just damages the creature, you have to focus a specific physical attack on one tentacle.

TALIESIN: Oh, man.

MATT: All right, that brings us to the top of the round, Vax, go ahead and roll and death saving throw with advantage.

SAM: I can't do a-- rip off a patch and take a potion, can I, as a bonus?

MATT: A regular potion, you mean?

SAM: It's a patch potion.

MATT: A patch potion?

SAM: Yeah.

LIAM: It's like a nicotine patch.

LAURA: Would it be like a patch healing spell?

TALIESIN: A Patch Addams.

MATT: Using the patch is an action I think, originally, sorry.

TRAVIS: Can you chew it?

SAM: (laughs) I just chew on the patch.

MATT: So Vax?

TALIESIN: It's just jerky you've sewn into you.

LIAM: Good.

SAM: (laughs)

MATT: All right, so Keyleth, death saving throw please.

TRAVIS: Oh, I forgot she's unconscious, too.

TALIESIN: (groans)

MARISHA: Plus my constitution?

MATT: Nope, just a d20.

TALIESIN: Nope, straight.

MATT: What'd you roll?


MATT: All right, so you failed one death saving throw. Let's see. Then after that, it's--

SAM: Percy's having a Mai Tai somewhere.

MATT: All right, Vex, Trinket and Taryon, make dexterity saving throws please.

SAM: 11!

MATT: 11. Six points of lightning damage.

LAURA: 19 for me.

MATT: Six points of lightning damage.

LAURA: And-- fail, like five.

MATT: Six points of lightning damage for Trinket.


MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: He's unconscious, so he's bamfed to my necklace.

MATT: All right, well, yeah.

LAURA: Is he within a hundred feet?

MATT: Yeah, yeah he is. Keyleth, you fail another death saving throw.

MARISHA: Immediately?


MATT: You took lightning damage.

LAURA: Oh my god.

MATT: All righty.

LAURA: Oh my god.

SAM: This is not gonna go well, guys. (nervous laugh) We got nobody else on the field.

MATT: Vex, it's your turn, you have an unconscious Keyleth over here.

LAURA: I'm gonna swim to her and try to cast Cure Wounds.

MATT: Okay. Cast it.

LAURA: Good, I'm casting it at third level. So that's 3d8. That's cocked. That sucks. Seven, sorry.

MATT: So that was a total of what?

LAURA: Seven.

MATT: Seven.

SAM: -- points. Hey Keyleth, you're alive!

MATT: So Keyleth, you are conscious.

MARISHA: Seven points?

MATT: You heal seven hit points, you are conscious.

MARISHA: (gasps)

TRAVIS: Back in the game.

LAURA: Save my brother! (garbled) Save my brother.

MARISHA: (garbled) Okay.

MATT: All right. Ending Vex's turn. Percival-- actually, Vex, you still have movement if you want to.

LAURA: I'm gonna try to hide.

MATT: You have nothing to hide behind.

MARISHA: Get out, get out, get out.

LAURA: I'm gonna just swim away from-- I'm just gonna try to swim towards the fucking door, but try to keep my distance from kraken while I'm doing it.

MATT: It's hard to do that right now, but you have the door that way, there's a little gap. All right, that ends Vex's turn. Percival, anything?


SAM: That thing do anything?

TALIESIN: No, it fires electricity.

SAM: Oh.

LAURA: Oh, shark is going to attack one of the last tentacles, if it can get to it.

TALIESIN: I'm going to hold my action for--

MATT: It can just barely get there. Go ahead and roll an attack.

TALIESIN: -- for the vague hope of something useful.

MATT: Okay. Holding your action to?

TALIESIN: To attack-- I've already burned it, and it laughed it off. Just to attack the kraken--

MATT: Just sword at the ready?

TALIESIN: If it gets close enough, just sword, just--

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: 28.

MATT: 28 hits. Roll damage.

LAURA: 12.

SAM: That shark is our most effective weapon.

LAURA: The shark has been pretty great.

MATT: All righty. That brings us to--

SAM: What can you turn us into?

MATT: -- the kraken's turn. Top of the turn, the acid burns through you even further, Vax. You fail another death saving throw.

LIAM: So that's two?

MATT: That's two. All right. Top of the kraken's turn, it's going to-- let's see who's in range, here.

SAM: (sings with the background music)

TRAVIS: This is mindblowing.

LAURA: And it's so late.

LIAM: Yeah, it's midnight.

LAURA: And we're just into the wee hours of the morning, watching ourselves die.

SAM: Guys, I think this is one of our tightest games.

MATT: This is kind of nuts. All right, it's going to make a tentacle attack at both-- at the shark, Vex, and Keyleth.

LAURA: But he only has two tentacles left.

MATT: That's right, two tentacles. So it's going to make one at Vex and Keyleth.

TRAVIS: But the shark is so dangerous.

LAURA: The shark's been hurting it.

SAM: The shark is literally the most dangerous thing we have.

LAURA: And Keyleth just is barely--

MATT: You gather this creature is far more intelligent than you think. It's not a natural beast. It's a fairly intelligent creature.

SAM: What if the shark gets the how do you want to do this?

MATT: That is a 26 versus you. You take-- well, the good new is I'm rolling shit damage. That is 18 points of bludgeoning damage to you, Vex, and you are grappled by one tentacle. And against Keyleth, you are-- it's technically not within five feet of you. That's a natural one. I was like, I'm pretty sure he had advantage because you're prone, but prone is the creature has advantage against any creature that is within five feet of the creature, otherwise it has disadvantage. So yeah.

LAURA: That's great.

TALIESIN: Oh, god.

MARISHA: I'll just go back to doggy paddling.

MATT: That's one thing that saved you. And that's gonna be-- just the two attacks, that's all it can do this turn. All right. That brings us to Grog, you're up.

TRAVIS: Let us whoop the everloving shit out of the inside of this kraken, Reckless, everything. Yeah. Just all three attacks, just hitting it--

MATT: Great Weaponmaster as well, or not?

TRAVIS: It's not really a great weapon.

MATT: Two-handed, versatile means you can hold it with two hands.

TRAVIS: Oh yeah?

MATT: Pretty sure that's how it works. I'll check real fast.

TRAVIS: It's just a hammer, it's not like a greatsword or a greataxe. I thought maybe it was--

MATT: I'll double-check the wording, just to be safe.

TALIESIN: You'll decrease the resale value of these books with how much you've been cracking the spines tonight. I'm just saying.

MATT: Oh, it's a heavy weapon. Not-- so yeah, you cannot. You were right.

TRAVIS: I'll make 'em Reckless, though. All three.

LAURA: (sings) My honest husband.


MATT: 29.

TRAVIS: Hits, right?

MATT: Just gonna double-check, 'cause the internet's gonna get angry at me.

TRAVIS: I'm just gonna roll the damage.

MATT: 29 hits.

TRAVIS: First is a 20.

MATT: 20 points of damage?

TRAVIS: Second one is a 22.

MATT: 22, hits.

TRAVIS: Hits? Okay, good.

LAURA: Don't.

TRAVIS: 24 points of damage.

MATT: 24 points of damage, all righty.

TRAVIS: Last one is a natural 20.

(all cheer)

MATT: Roll damage.

SAM: Oh my Jesus.

TRAVIS: That's a ten, that's 44, and that's seven, so that's 51 points of damage. 51 points of damage to it.

MATT: That, in its own attack, is enough to make its constitution saving throw. Let's see if it-- That is a four! Plus 15 is 19, is not enough to make its constitution saving throw. It vomits Grog and an unconscious Vax--

MARISHA: Oh, thank God.

MATT: -- out in the front.

MARISHA: Fucking hell.

TALIESIN: Got to get a healing potion in that guy stat.

MATT: Jesus Christ, guys, you're killing me.

LAURA: (groans)

TALIESIN: Get it, get it in him.

MATT: So, Grog, it's you, you still have your movement.

TRAVIS: I do have my movement--

MATT: Yeah.


TRAVIS: I am going to-- it's such a short shitty movement--

LAURA: You better fucking heal him.

TRAVIS: -- can I just rotate around him towards the door and stay within.

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: As far as I can get.

MATT: 25, you can get there.

TRAVIS: Halved, yep.

TALIESIN: Ah, fuck.

MATT: All right, ending Grog's turn, Taryon.

SAM: Ah, wait, is Little Elf Boy alive?


LAURA: No, he's unconscious.

MATT: He's unconscious with two failed death saving throws--

SAM: And Grog just ran away from him?

MARISHA: But he's out of the kraken, he's out of the kraken.

LAURA: Grog can't do anything.

SAM: Okay.

TALIESIN: But if you can heal him for a point--

SAM: Nope.

TALIESIN: In any way possible--

SAM: Nope.


SAM: Nope (laughs). Can't do it.

TALIESIN: This is not good, people.

LIAM: True love's kiss?

TALIESIN: I am very far away, right now.

MATT: There you go, Sam.

SAM: Is it my turn?

LIAM: I just mean Sam.

SAM: I mean, that I would love to do.

LIAM: Again.

SAM: (nervous noises) Nope, I got nothing. Prismatic Spray will kill everybody else-- ring of the ram's dead-- I can't throw anything that far, right? He's like 40 feet away from me?

MATT: Yep, no, you're right over here you're-- what would Taryon do at this moment?

SAM: 50 feet away? How far am I?

MATT: You're about 50 feet from him, yeah.

MARISHA: You have a bag, right?

SAM: I can't throw something 50 feet underwater, and I can only move 15 feet.

MARISHA: But you can swim out-- oh.

SAM: (laughs) There's very little I can do--

MARISHA: But you can double your movement.

SAM: I will say "crossbow" and change my thing, my rod, into a crossbow--

MATT: Uh-huh.

SAM: And nock the poison bolt and shoot it.

LAURA: (gasps)

MATT: Sure, I'll say-- all right, so--

LAURA: Look at that, look at that poison bolt.

SAM: I'll also move 15 feet--

MATT: There you go, go ahead and make your attack with disadvantage.

SAM: Okay. (mock-sobbing) It was a one.

(all laugh)

MATT: You pull it back and fire and it goes (kerplunk) and the bolt just goes and floats up and you're like, "Shit".

TRAVIS: Wow. Wow.

SAM: But when I moved Matt, I want to move toward it, not away.

MATT: Okay, so you'll be--

TALIESIN: I'm gonna get you a new d20 soon.

MATT: All right. Ending Tarry's turn, Vax, death saving throw, with advantage.

LAURA: (gasps)

MATT: With no Luck left?

MARISHA: What what what no? No? Nothing? No luck? Come on.


MARISHA: Raven Queen shit? Nothing?

TRAVIS: Wow. Really?

MATT: The last bit of air escapes the lungs of Vax, lifeless on the ground. All right. That ends your turn, obviously, Keyleth.

MARISHA: Oh my God.

TRAVIS: What the fuck?

SAM: The kraken.

MARISHA: Who do I see?

MATT: You're right here on the ground, you see Vax not moving. You see Vex currently grappled inside there ,and Grog and everyone rushing in this direction towards the portal.

MARISHA: Vex is grappled, Vax is dead, and then there's me. How close am I to Vex and Vax?

MATT: You are ten feet from Vax and 15 feet from Vex, or ten feet from each, actually.

MARISHA: I'm ten feet from each?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Can I swim with my Alter Self, grab both of them-- Can I do that? Can I grab both of them?

MATT: Okay

MARISHA: With my swim speed--

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: -- Alter Self. Yeah?

MATT: You can, you can grab--

MARISHA: In between them.

MATT: You can grab Vax-- and begin to tug him toward Vex at half speed so that's five, ten--

MARISHA: No I've got Alter Self! I've got Alter Self!

MATT: Right, but you're--

LAURA: You're tugging--

MATT: -- you're dragging him behind you as you go.

MARISHA: Come on, man, do I have Vex--

MATT: Five, ten, 15, 20, 25, 30--


MATT: You're like just in the space.

MARISHA: (gasps)

MATT: What're you trying to do?

MARISHA: And I cast, I cast Plane Shift and I get us out of here--

MATT: Oh shit! Okay. All right. And with that, the three of you vanish.

MARISHA: Sorry, everyone else.

SAM: The three of you, wait, you, who, and who?

MATT: The shark vanishes.

SAM: Oh, the shark.

TRAVIS: Who just vanished?

MARISHA: Me, Vex, and Vax--

TALIESIN: Everyone but you--

MATT: Plane Shifting where?

MARISHA: It's you and Taryon left. Get the fuck out.

TRAVIS: Where are you going?

MATT: Plane Shifting where, Keyleth?

MARISHA: Back to Vesrah.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: We're out of the portal.

MATT: All right. They vanish. Grog. All right, so that finishes Keyleth's turn. Top of the scale here, I need both of you guys to make dexterity saving throws.

MARISHA: Wait, who? Who?

MATT: Grog and Taryon.

TRAVIS: And I have advantage.

MARISHA: Wait, Grog is dead?

ALL: No!

LAURA: Dexterity!

MATT: Dexterity.

TALIESIN: Dexterity saving throw.

SAM: 18.

MATT: 18, all right, you take eight points of lightning damage--

MARISHA: I thought you said death.

MATT: Grog?


MATT: That is eight points--

TRAVIS: With resistance?

MATT: Yeah, reduced to four.

TRAVIS: Okay, so just four.

MATT: All right, Percival.

MARISHA: Wait, wait, are you grappled?

SAM: It's fine, you're not there.

LAURA: Nobody else is grappled right now.

TALIESIN: You're not there.

LIAM: You're gone, you're gone. You're chill with me.

MARISHA: Nobody else is grappled.

TALIESIN: I'm-- There is nothing I can do.

MATT: All right. End of your turn, the last legendary action to attempt to grab and grapple Grog.

MARISHA: (groans)

MATT: With advantage, because you--

TRAVIS: That's right.

LIAM: Fuck you, kraken.

MATT: That is 26.

TRAVIS: That hits.

SAM: (exasperated sigh) Fuck.

MATT: You take nine-- ten points of bludgeoning damage, being reduced, and you are grappled.

TRAVIS: To five? Oh, ten is reduced?

MATT: Yeah.


LIAM: Whew!

TRAVIS: And can I make my Retaliatory?

MATT: You can.

SAM: On that tentacle!

TRAVIS: Reckless. 23.

MATT: 23 hits, go ahead and roll damage.

TRAVIS: That is also a 23.

MATT: 23, that one had taken 13 damage earlier. That tentacle is destroyed. There is one left.

TRAVIS: I'm not grappled?

MATT: You are no longer grappled. There is one slightly damaged tentacle left. As you do so, the voice says, "No. Come, join your end here in the depths." All right, that ends your Retaliation, Percy's, it is now-- Wait, so that was Percy's turn, right?

TALIESIN: I already, I just--

MARISHA: Can't do anything

TALIESIN: -- there's literally nothing I can do.

TRAVIS: Yeah, he didn't do anything.

MATT: Right, okay. It's gonna come forward here, it's gonna do Lightning Storm against both of you. I need both Taryon and Grog to make dexterity saving throws once more.

TRAVIS: That's good.

SAM: 18.

TRAVIS: 20. No more blessed.

LIAM: Hashtag no more blessed.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: Yeah, hashtag no more blessed.

LAURA: Hashtag so not blessed.

MATT: That is a really shitty roll. 13 points lightning damage--

SAM: Dead.

MATT: -- 13 points lightning damage.

LAURA: Unconscious.

TRAVIS: 20 and resistance for me.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: So it was? Sorry.

MATT: It was 13 minus that to--

LAURA: Tary--

MATT: -- seven.

TRAVIS: Seven.

MATT: So Taryon falls unconscious.

LAURA: Motherfuck.

LIAM: Scanlan appears in a purple puff of smoke!

MATT: I know.

TRAVIS: Are you really? Are you really? Where are you?

SAM: He's right near you.

MARISHA: So both Vex and Tary are unconscious?

MATT: So, Grog, it's your turn.

SAM: You don't even like me.

TRAVIS: I'm gonna take the coin--

MARISHA: You're unconscious?

LIAM: She's with us.

LAURA: You took me!

LIAM: You just bamfed us out.

TRAVIS: -- I'm gonna Alter Self.

MARISHA: Wait, who's unconscious?

MATT: Okay.

LAURA and LIAM: Tary!

TRAVIS: I'm gonna grow gills and fins.

SAM: Wait! Sh! He's doing stuff.

MATT: Okay. So the gills and fins appear, your webbed fingers, and what're you doing?

TRAVIS: I see Tary fall... and I... bolt for the portal.

LAURA: (gasps)

SAM: Going right past me.


LAURA: Oh, fuck.

TALIESIN: I am staring you in the deadeye--

SAM: I love it. I love it.

TRAVIS: And can I, can I like--

MARISHA: We need, he has a purse.

TRAVIS: -- can I like double my speed?

MATT: No, unfortunately, because you used your action to do the ability on you, however-- Oh! Wait, wait, you have the-- so you have the full movement--


SAM: Full movement?

TRAVIS: That's right, 50.

TALIESIN: We need the-- (sigh) we need the fucking lodestone.

LAURA: Oh he's--

LAURA & SAM: -- got the other lodestone.

LAURA: He does have the third lodestone!

SAM: Fuck you guys.

TRAVIS: Do I make it to the portal?

MATT: You are just on the outskirts of it. And you see Percy yelling at you.

TALIESIN: Lodestone!

TRAVIS: What? Oh!

(all laugh)

TRAVIS: Right.

LAURA: Oh, that was a great way to ensure that you got out of here, Tary.

(all laugh)

MATT: All right, coming through at 20, Grog, I need you to make a dexterity saving throw.

LIAM: Come on, girl. Get out.


MATT: That is 10 reduced to five, five points of lightning damage against you. Taryon, you fail a death saving throw--

SAM: Sure.

MATT: -- automatically 'cause you take the damage from the lightning.

TALIESIN: How far is Tary from the-- how many feet is Tary from the portal?

MATT: Tary is--

SAM: 50?

MATT: 40 feet.

TALIESIN: 40 feet?

MATT: Yep.

TALIESIN: What's my running speed?

MARISHA: Get out, get out.

TALIESIN: What's my running speed?

MATT: Your running speed is 30.


MATT: All right, Percival, what're you doing?

MARISHA: Get out, get out, get out.

SAM: You can dash and get 60.

TALIESIN: (deep sigh) God damn it.

MARISHA: You still have the coin, right?

TALIESIN: I've already taken it.

SAM: Your potion of haste.

TRAVIS: Don't complicate this.

TALIESIN: I don't have a potion of haste!

SAM: Yeah, sure you do.

TRAVIS: Don't complicate this, I think we'll be okay. I think.

MATT: Percival, what are you doing?

TALIESIN: I have a healing potion. I have a healing potion.

MATT: All right.


MARISHA: Come on, Percy.

TALIESIN: I don't know what the fuck to do.

LIAM: That's the title for the episode.

SAM: What's your speed?


SAM: Yeah, so go over there and heal me, fucker!

(all laugh)

TALIESIN: Yeah, I'm not going to survive one round in there. I'm 16 points.

SAM: Oh, okay, I will.

TALIESIN: Yeah, there's no-- is Grog looking rough?

MATT: Grog, how are you looking?

TRAVIS: I'm okay.

TALIESIN: You're looking fine?

TRAVIS: I'm all right.

TALIESIN: I'm just going to scowl at you. I'm actually, fuck it! I have something I can do!

MATT: What are you doing?

SAM: Science bros, man!

MATT: What are you doing, Percy?

TALIESIN: I'm gonna cast Friends on Grog.

MATT: Grog. Make a wisdom saving throw. With advantage, because of Heroes' Feast.

TRAVIS: I don't even know what that is.

LIAM: Wow.

TRAVIS: Three. Five. Zero modifier.

LIAM: Holy shit.

TRAVIS: I don't know what that is.

LIAM: Love this game.

MATT: Actually, it's supposed to be charisma checks against him. What are you trying to do?

TALIESIN: Just toss the nitwit through the door!

MATT: Wait, are you trying to intimidate him?

TALIESIN: No, I'm begging!

MATT: All right. Make a persuasion check with advantage. That's how technically it's supposed to work.


MATT: But, I'm giving you--

TRAVIS: Through the water?

TALIESIN: With advantage, that was cocked, though, was it?

SAM: That's a 20.

TALIESIN: Okay. Yeah, it was 20.

MATT: 20? Okay.

TALIESIN: Natural 20.

MATT: Okay, Grog. You come through and see Percy looking at you, and oh shit, you don't wanna make him mad. He's your buddy.

TALIESIN: Toss the nitwit through the door.

TRAVIS: The nitwit. That's-- okay.

TALIESIN: Yeah. I'm good. I'm good.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: I love you. I'm so proud of you.

LAURA: What just happened?

TRAVIS: The nitwit.

TALIESIN: That's what I said.

TRAVIS: Who do you think I'd think the nitwit is?

TALIESIN: I think it's--


TALIESIN: I can't take it back, what I said. I'm well aware.

MATT: All right.

SAM: (sings along with the background music)

TALIESIN: I can start to argue with you if you start to do something stupid, which is fine.

TRAVIS: You did cast Friends, so. Technically, I would think nitwit is me, and I'd be like, okay, here I go.

TALIESIN: You might. I'm not gonna--

SAM: Why don't you roll for it, Travis?

TRAVIS: No, he cast Friends, and the whole point is to-- yeah.

LIAM: You don't know that.

TRAVIS: Yeah, that's a DM call. It's not quite my call.

MATT: The kraken is going to go ahead and make a bite attack against you.

TALIESIN: Ah, god damn it.

MATT: Because it only has the one tentacle left. That is an 18 plus six, that is 24. That hits you. You take--

TALIESIN: Oh, shit.

MATT: That's 23 points of piercing damage.

TRAVIS: How many?

MATT: 23. Reduced to 12 because of your raging. And you are-- oh, you were not grappled by the kraken. So it does not swallow you.

(all cheer)

MATT: That saves your ass there, man. I was just about to eat you. Okay. Been good for you guys. Yeah, that's the kraken's turn. Grog, what are you doing?

TRAVIS: I am going to aquaman run over to Tary.

TALIESIN: You have full speed now.


TALIESIN: So you can double-speed if you want.

MATT: Well, it's 25 there. It's gonna take an action to pick him up.

TRAVIS: Maybe I just wanna grab the bag.

LAURA: He said nitwit, throw the nitwit through the door.

MATT: What do you want to do, Grog? It's your call.

TALIESIN: I'm not gonna fight you no matter what.

MATT: Yeah, what do you wanna do, Grog?

TRAVIS: He cast Friends, right? So I wouldn't want to make Percy mad.

MATT: Well, it's up to you. Friends affects him more than it affects you, technically. He just seems very persuasive.

TALIESIN: You feel like I had a point.

TRAVIS: I pick up Tary.

MATT: Okay. Moving back with him, because your strength doesn't reduce your movement. (counts) 25. You don't quite reach the edge.

LAURA: Can he throw Tary through? Or is that an additional action?

TRAVIS: Do I have anything to toss him through that thing?

MATT: No, it takes your whole-- to pick him up and get there, you only have your bonus action right now.

TRAVIS: Can I take one of the tiny little healing potions, the regular-ass ones?

MATT: If you have one, yeah.

TRAVIS: I have one.

MATT: So there you go. You take it.

TRAVIS: I forget what it's called.

LIAM: Red Bull.

MATT: It's 2d4 plus two.

LAURA: It's a Red Bull.

TRAVIS: 2d4 plus two?

MATT: 2d4 plus two. Ends Grog's turn. Taryon. Make a death saving throw.

SAM: 11?

MATT: 11. So you're fine.

TALIESIN: That's one good one. You get a success.

MATT: That brings us up to the top.

TALIESIN: Is it mine?

MATT: Not quite yet.


MATT: We are at the 20.

LAURA: Lair actions.

TALIESIN: God damn it.

MATT: All right. That's a dexterity saving throw from you, Grog. It's just all-out shocking.


MATT: 16. That is 14 points of lightning damage to you, Grog.

TRAVIS: Halved to seven.

MATT: Yep, halved to seven.

SAM: Automatic death fail.

MATT: Automatic death fail. All right, that brings us now to Percival.

TALIESIN: I am just going to lean out the fucking door and take three attacks at a tentacle and run back in.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Since he's right there!

MATT: Well, currently there is no tentacle in your range.

TALIESIN: There's no tentacle in the range?

MATT: Right now, the tentacle's in range when it's wrapped around somebody, you can hit it right there. Right now, it's just in the distance.

TALIESIN: In that case, I'm going to run out, grab and help drag everybody through the portal if I can.

MATT: You can grab and pull Taryon.

TALIESIN: Be cool.

TRAVIS: Pssh. We'll see--

TALIESIN: You're going to be fine.

TRAVIS: --Friend.

TALIESIN: You won't know for a while.

TRAVIS: We'll find out.

MATT: You pull Taryon through, his unconscious body through.

TALIESIN: And I'm-- healing potion. I've got a minor.

MATT: You have a healing potion?

TALIESIN: I do. I've got a minor left that I haven't burned.

MATT: Okay. So, I'll say that between your movement, you'll have enough. Go ahead and 2d4 plus two to Taryon.

TALIESIN: 2d4 plus what?

MATT: 2d4 plus two to Taryon.

TALIESIN: So that's six.

MATT: Taryon is conscious.

TALIESIN: Now, I'm standing at the portal ready to, yeah.

MATT: All right. It is now the kraken's turn.

LAURA: Oh my god.

TALIESIN: He got nothing.

MATT: The kraken is going to sit right here now, directly behind you, Grog. Its tentacles swarm. It's the one tentacle, all these broken tentacles that are trying to extend. You can see parts of it are regenerating and starting to extend a little bit. Not fully, but it's going to take a while for it, but you can see it does regenerate over time.

TRAVIS: That is a bad, bad creature.

MATT: You know what, at the end of Percival's turn, it's going to use one of its legendary actions.

TALIESIN: God damn it!

MATT: To attempt to bash.

TRAVIS: I don't know what that means.

MATT: Natural 20.

LAURA: Oh my god.

MATT: So that is 17 points of bludgeoning damage against you, reduced to half.

TRAVIS: To eight? Nine?

MATT: That would be nine, yeah. And, you are grappled.

MARISHA: He's grappled?

MATT: Now it's the kraken's turn.

LAURA: I think it's going to try to swallow him.

MATT: And it is going to attempt to bite attack you. It does not have advantage. That is a 20?

TRAVIS: That hits.

TALIESIN: God fucking damn it!

MATT: That is 18 points of piercing damage, reduced to nine.

TRAVIS: Mm-hm.

MATT: And you are swallowed.

TALIESIN: God fucking damn it. Okay.

SAM: So you get any attacks, Groggy? Mm-hm? Okay.

MATT: All righty. Grog, it's your turn.

TRAVIS: All three attacks--

MATT: Go for it.

TRAVIS: -- Reckless. That's a 32.


SAM: I can heal you!

TRAVIS: It's 20 points of damage on the first one.

MATT: All right, 20.

TRAVIS: 26 is the hit for the second one.

MATT: That hits.

TRAVIS: 24 points of damage on the second one.

MATT: 24, all right.

TRAVIS: And then 23.

MATT: That hits.

TRAVIS: With 19 points of damage on the third one.

MATT: It has to make a constitution save. That is directly a nine plus 15. It's a 24; the DC is 25. It fails, and vomits you out again to the front of it!

SAM: Jesus Christ!

LAURA: Right through the door! Vomits him right through the door!

MARISHA: Come on, through the door! He projectile vomits!

MATT: I'm going to take a picture of that so people--

MARISHA: Come on!

MATT: -- are like, “That's a little too close.”

TRAVIS: With the rest of my movement, can I turn around and look at him and go, yo, O Ancient One, can you read my mind now? And I walk through the portal.

MATT: And you do as you step away through the portal. (laughs) I can't believe that shit!

TRAVIS: Just double birds.

MATT: I just tweeted that final saving throw on his end. Wow!

TALIESIN: I hand you my glasses and fall down.

MATT: And that's where we're going to end tonight's game. Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ!

SAM: That was terrible!

MATT: Don't fuck with the titan creatures, man! Hey, your first death, Vax!

TRAVIS: Titan creatures? Titan creatures.

SAM: First death? He's dead! That's not good!

MARISHA: He's still fucking dead!

MATT: Yep.

MARISHA: He's still fucking dead.

LIAM: May be my last death.


TRAVIS: We don't know. We don't know.

TALIESIN: I think he should just--

MATT: And if so, that's at the bailiwick of your Queen. But we'll find out where that brings us next week. One way or another, a climactic end to the Aramente.

LAURA: Oh my god.

MARISHA: And all of the guilt complexes.

TRAVIS: Wow. I underestimated that whole thing.

LAURA: That was so much worse than I ever thought it would be.

TALIESIN: I don't feel good.

LAURA: I feel like I'm going to throw up.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I feel a little nauseous, and it's not just the kraken.

TRAVIS: Thank you, Loot Crate!

MATT: Thank you, Loot Crate, for being our sponsor!

TALIESIN: Thanks, Loot Crate, for the robot and the Legos.

MARISHA: Who's still alive? All of us, but Vax and Taryon?

LAURA: Everybody but Vax.

MATT: How many points did you have at the end there, Grog?

TRAVIS: Eight.

MATT: Eight hit points?!

TRAVIS: Eight hit points.

MATT: Holy fucking shit!

LAURA: Yeah! I was watching him take it down, and I was like: oh my god, one more hit and Grog's unconscious!

TRAVIS: 65, 61, 51, 44, 39, 27, 33, 26, 17, eight.

LIAM: Wow. Wow!

TRAVIS: If I didn't get barfed, we would have problems.

TALIESIN: I was going to make a running, yeah. I was not willing to, yeah. I was not going to walk.

LAURA: You would have been swallowed, too.

TALIESIN: I had a thought, but it was a bad thought. I'm really glad I didn't have to go with that bad thought.

LAURA: Oh, I feel so sick!

SAM: I've learned a lesson! Always carry an insurance policy with me.

MATT: Fair enough.

TALIESIN: I want to cry.

MATT: Well, guys, well done! You got the lodestones and escaped with the body of Vax, though dead. Had that last death saving throw happened in the stomach of the kraken, there was no way you were getting back.

LAURA: So, that's good.

SAM: So, in a way, we won!

MATT: That's a silver lining. Anyway, guys, thank you for sticking through a very long, climactic, intense battle, both players and viewers. Thank you, Loot Crate, for being our awesome sponsor.

TRAVIS: Thank you, LootCrate!

MATT: We'll be back next week to see the conclusion of this Aramente arc. Much love to you all, and is it Thursday yet?

TRAVIS: Not for another week!

MATT: See you guys soon.