List of Transcripts


MATT: Hello everyone and welcome back to Critical Role. I know we missed you guys last week. We had crazy E3 coverage and the stream was fantastic in getting all that to you, and to me because I couldn’t be there. So thank you to the stream team for making all of that happen last week. But we return, nevertheless, to the wondrous realm of Exandria, and the adventures that happen in this wonderful world of Critical Role. It’s been a week. I’m a little crazed right now. So be prepared for crazed Mercer today.

ORION: Yeah, crazed Mercer!

MATT: What could possibly go wrong? All right. So before we get started here, a couple– a few quick things, cool things! First off, guys, our first winner for our subscriber giveaway is Valmoncen. Congratulations! You’re going to win a signed Player’s Handbook and a signed cast photo so congrats to you. And we’ll be giving those away for every 50 subscribers that we get throughout the show tonight. So remember in order to be part of these giveaways you have to be active in the chatroom. So every 50 subscribers, at 3,750 will be our next one and every 50 thereafter. So we’ll be giving away signed Player’s Handbooks and signed photos of the cast. Also, Facebook initiative that we’re putting out there now. For all you guys out there who could, go to the– Hi there Sam.

SAM: Hi!

MATT: (laughs) If you have an opportunity, go to the Geek and Sundry Facebook Page,, and share on there both #CriticalRole and a reason why you think people should watch the show. And we will be doing a giveaway for all the folks that do that, and that’ll include a signed Player’s Handbook, a signed photo, and this fantastic D&D Attack Wing Green Dragon Expansion Pack, which is just a cool looking mini in general.

MARISHA: I want that!

MATT: Well too bad. They’re going to get it. You guys. One of you magical people are going to get this. So go to the Facebook of Geek and Sundry, share your best reasoning to the world on there why people should check us out and maybe win that, which would be cool. Also, as a heads up, let’s see, we have a new shirt up! I’m sure you’ve seen a fantastic new Critical Role shirt. It’s only a two-week limited run again. It’s designed by one of our awesome fans, Matt Abernathy. Well done and thank you!


ORION: Matt Abernathy! Did I say it right?

MATT: You did. I believe so. If not, you’re welcome to get angry at us on the internet. But that just went up. It has our little awesome 8-bit–

SAM: Is there a time limit on those, Matt?

MATT: Two weeks.

SAM: Two weeks?! You mean the people out there have only two weeks to get this t-shirt?

MATT: This is true.

SAM: Will you tell me this. Is it made of fine material? Is it a handcrafted t-shirt?

MATT: The finest. If there were a t-shirt to gird your loins with, this is the one to do it.

SAM: You heard the man. The two weeks is ticking now. Slightly less.

MATT: And to be fair, girding your loins does actually involve cloth. Look it up on Google. It’s an interesting process, I think more people could do it. It helps aerate the… anyway. And last thing! There’s a cool RPG app game that launched today called Soul Hunters, on app stores, iOS and Android I think, that I did some voice-over for a few of the characters in the game. It’s a fun project, you should check it out. It just launched today. But for the next 24 hours, anyone who downloads the game and puts in the promo code “Critical Role” will get a free champion that I voiced. An awesome tank fellow who is a lot of fun, so go check that out and get a free tank. And also for every ten subs we have ten key giveaways for the game. I think it is upwards close to $100 worth in game giveaway material and free money and stuff in the actual app itself. So every ten subscribers we’ll be putting out a special key to that winner for use in the Soul Hunters game, so check that out! Good times.

SAM: Wait. Marisha. Say thank you for that thing.

MARISHA: Thank you to whomever got us this amazing super cool looking bottle of scotch!


LAURA: Whoa, that’s magic.

MARISHA: I know. Check that out.

ORION: It’s Taurez.

MARISHA: It’s Taurez Brandy.

LAURA: Wait! Wait, there was a card on the box.

SAM: Oh yeah.

MARISHA: There was a card on the box.

SAM: But that would be over there somewhere.

MARISHA: We sort of wanted it now, so we jumped the gun. I blame Sam.

MATT: Where’s the card and the box?

SAM: I threw the card on the floor and took the scotch.

ZAC: Okay, you guys. There was a card with stuff on there.

SAM: Oh! It’s– sorry.

MATT: If you don’t mind, go ahead.

SAM: “Hi, Geek and Sundry Crew! So while this package is actually mainly for the Critical Role cast, I hope that they share it with you guys, too!”


LAURA: Oh! That’s not going to happen.

SAM: Oh, I guess that means these guys. “It’s a small way of thanking you for all your hard work for bringing us Critical Role every week and making my life a bit more bearable. I would so appreciate holding off on giving this to the cast until the entire party is there–” Sorry Liam. “I should’ve also sent you a note for the cast, through Twitch to go along with the package and it would be amazing if you could ensure that they get it along with the package. Keep being awesome! Prometheus Theus.”

MATT: Thank you, Prometheus Theus!

LAURA: See, that’s why you read the card before you open the box.

MARISHA: Thanks, Prometheus!

ORION: Thank you, Prometheus.

ASHLEY: Where’s Taliesin?

MATT: Taliesin will be here shortly, he’s running a little behind. Yeah, the problem with having this at 7PM on a Thursday in Los Angeles is that depending on where you’re coming from, you may not get here by 7PM. But he’ll be here shortly.

MARISHA: That’s true, yeah, Taliesin’s coming.

MATT: Thank you! That’s amazing. And whenever that is done, that bottle is going to be repurposed for some sort of potion. It’s happening.

ASHLEY: Oh, we could make it a candle.

MATT: Oh yeah. Whoa.

LAURA: Ashley makes awesome candles out of bottles.

ASHLEY: Well you just put the lighter fluid and a rope–

MATT: So we’re doing that, right?


MATT: That lives now as an alcoholic container, but will eventually become an awesome on-set candle. So thank you so much Prometheus, that’s amazing.

ORION: Yes, thank you Prometheus.

MARISHA: Thank you!

MATT: Also we have a couple other gifts to give out. They weren’t here last week so we couldn’t give them away yet, but we have a couple of gifts over there for I believe Laura and Travis, or more specifically Vex and Grog…

ZAC: We need to wait until the end of the show.

MATT: To give those away?

ZAC: We have a ton of stuff to give you.

MATT: Oh! Really?

LAURA: Really? Are we waiting for the end?

SAM: Then let’s wait.

LAURA: Okay.

ZAC: Yeah, we have a lot of presents to give you guys.

MATT: Okay. Well then, we shall wait.

MARISHA: Hi Liam! We miss you so much!

LIAM: I know. I wish I was there.

MARISHA: Hi. How’s New York?

LIAM: Muggy and hot.


TRAVIS: We need better speakers.

ORION: Are you in a Broadway play?

LAURA: He is in a Broadway play.

ORION: Are you seeing Grease? Is that what’s going on?

MARISHA: (laughs) Seriously…

SAM: Hey, Travis.

MATT: All right. So we’re getting better speakers for Liam here, but he’ll be up for joining us via Skype, and Taliesin will be here shortly.

SAM: Okay. What do we got to do? Should we play the game?

MATT: I think we’re going to jump in here.

SAM: Okay! Everyone! Settle! Settle! Let’s play the game!

MATT: All right, we’re going to get a speaker set up for Liam, but nevertheless we shall hop in here and start playing.

LAURA: It’s chaos today.

MATT: Oh yeah. And I would like to recommend also that we try to prevent cross-talk, so be aware.

MATT and LAURA: (sing) Cross-talk.

Part IEdit

MATT: Oh, Crossfire. Some things never go away. All right, so! For those of you who are joining us for the first time, welcome. For those of you who have been with us for the entire journey, welcome as well. Bunch of crazy voice actors here, playing D&D. The party had just recently completed an extensive quest through the Underdark beneath the dwarven city of Kraghammer, in which they battled with mind flayers, and duergar, and eventually a giant crazed beholder that was possessed by an ancient artifact called the Horn of Orcus. Upon defeating the mind flayers and making a dramatic escape, thanks to Tiberius, back to their hometown of Emon, they met with the council of Tal'Dorei, which they’re a part of, to discuss what they should do with this great, ancient, evil artifact, the Horn of Orcus. The council discussed it, most of the knowledge seemed to be that it could not, or there is no known way to destroy it. The best means of dealing with it would be to reseal it in a place where it would be safe, forgotten, and hopefully never rediscovered. It was decided amongst the council that the safest place to do that is on the distant land of Othanzia, where there is a capital city known as Vasselheim. There, supposedly, is the most well known, holiest, and oldest place of Kima’s order of worship, of the Great Platinum dragon Bahamut, of which she’s a paladin, and supposedly they have a facility or means of sealing it away. So it was decided that they would send away for a holy container that could contain this evil without any worry of corruption or escape, carry it then, via skyship, over the ocean to the distant land of Othanzia, to Vasselheim, the capital city, and seal it away. After which, they went on a shopping spree to Gilmore’s Glorious Goods. Met everyone’s favorite mage, magic creator extraordinaire.

LAURA: Oh that’s right! I want some stuff. Give me stuff.

MATT: Yeah, you guys have to figure out who gets what, by the way.

SAM: But we have to do this quickly.

MATT: So bringing us back now, you’ve completed your purchases, now as a party decide how to disseminate the items you’ve purchased. And once you guys are ready, we’ll take it from there.

SAM: Okay, how many items do we have?

MARISHA: Well they’re a bit divvied up right now. I believe Pike is holding onto the sword, correct?

ASHLEY: And I also have a Pearl of Power, which is up for grabs.

LAURA: Ooh, what is that. Let me see, let me see.

MARISHA: I’m holding on to a Ring of Protection plus two, and a Belt of Dwarvenkind. Hello Percy!

TALIESIN: Oh, hello.


ORION: Hello, Percy.

MARISHA: Good of you to join us!

TALIESIN: Thank you, I just got off an airplane. Hi.

MARISHA: Yes, how was your flight?

ORION: An airplane?

TALIESIN: The flight was– it was slightly shorter than the drive here. Hi.

ORION: Oh my god.

MARISHA: That sounds about right.

TALIESIN: This looks good.

MARISHA: Please! Look what we got. This is a gift from– what’s his–

SAM: Oh! What’s-his-butt has something.

TALIESIN: (high-pitched) It’s really good!

MARISHA: It’s brandy! It’s really good brandy.

SAM: Vax has something.

LAURA: Vex. He’s Vex.

SAM: Jesus.

LAURA: Just kidding, I’m Vex (cackles).

LIAM: I have a Dagger of Life-Stealing, plus one. I’d also like to say how much I enjoy being in Travis’s stomach like Uatu.

(all laugh)

SAM: Nice.

MATT: Love it.

MARISHA: I have a Ring of Protection plus two, and a Belt of Dwarven-

SAM: What is that? What does that do?

MARISHA: It gives you a plus two bonus to AC and saving throws while wearing this ring.

SAM: I need that.

MARISHA: And then I also have the Belt of Dwarvenkind.

ASHLEY: Did you say the most amazing thing about it?

MARISHA: The Belt of Dwarvenkind?


MARISHA: Yeah, you guys remember this? It gives you a plus two to your constitution modifier. You have advantage on charisma/persuasion checks with dwarves… and you have a 50% chance, each day at dawn, of growing a full beard.

SAM: What?


ASHLEY: I. Know.

LAURA: That’s amazing!


MARISHA: If you are incapable of grow– oh, that’s right, because you guys tuned out!

LAURA: That’s right, we weren’t here!

MARISHA: Yeah. We realized this at the end of the stream. At the top of the day, you have a 50% chance each day at dawn of growing a full, thick beard if you are capable of growing one, or a visibly thicker beard if you already have one.

TRAVIS: Wait, Tiberius is the only one that couldn’t grow a beard right?

LAURA: Right? We could all grow a beard… technically.

TRAVIS: The ladies could get some stank beards.

SAM: Can the ladies grow a beard?


LAURA: We could, why not?

ASHLEY: I mean, if our hormones were a little different–

TRAVIS: Yeah, I’ve seen some nasty she-beards out there.

TALIESIN: We can find them a nice lady to date. I think it would work out pretty well.

MARISHA: And if you aren’t a dwarf, on top of this, you gain the following additional benefits while wearing this belt. You have advantage on saving throws against poison, resistance against poison damage, darkvision up to 60 feet. You can speak, read and write Dwarvish.

TALIESIN: I got one, too. I got the Manual of Quickness of Action.

MARISHA: That one, you should keep.

TALIESIN: I’m keeping this one.

LAURA: Do you guys have a problem if I keep the Pearl of Power?

SAM: What does it do?

LAURA: It lets you use another third spell slot, 3rd-level spell. And I figure you guys all have better spells than 3rd-level, but I only have up to 3rd-level.

SAM: So it just gives you one more 3rd-level spell?

LAURA: Of my most powerful spell, which is my 3rd-level.

MARISHA: That’s just fine with me.

LAURA: And they usually do a lot of damage with the 3rd-level.

MARISHA: That’s fine with me, I generally have enough spell slots.

LAURA: You got that Ring of Protection. Or you can have the beardy thing.

MARISHA: So yes, we also got the Coldsnap Leather Armor, plus two, which I was originally thinking for myself, but then I realized I actually have decent leather armor that gives me spell advantage, so I’m good on leather armor.

ORION: I could stand to wear it. I have no torso armor.

MARISHA: I thought– are you sure sorcerers can wear it? I thought they could wear robes.

ORION: Cloth and leather. I mean, I just…

MATT: Sorcerers can wear no armor. You are wrong.

ORION: I can wear no armor.


ORION: I have this thing that somebody can use.

LIAM: Wait, I would just like to say, (creepily) “Wade.”

SAM: Thank you… Vax

MARISHA: Do you have any armor on, Scanlan?

SAM: I have something.

ORION: This would bring his– with that and the ring, if you wore this and the ring, it would give you plus three to your AC. So that’s not a bad combo. Because this will give you plus one to your AC.

MATT: You have regular Studded Leather Armor right now.

SAM: What is that? How is that… is this better?

MATT: Probably.

MARISHA: Would that give him a plus two to his AC?

MATT: Coldsnap Leather Armor. This would be leather armor, plus two, it would probably give you an additional plus one to your AC if you wear it.

SAM: Plus one.

MATT: It’s not studded leather, it’s just leather, but it’s plus two to the AC, so yeah. Your AC would go up by one.

MARISHA: Who wants the Belt of Dwarvenkind? Grog? What’s your constitution right now?

TALIESIN: I think Pike should have the belt.


LAURA: That’s pretty high.

MARISHA: Constitution up to a 20.

TRAVIS: I want to grow a fucking beard. I know it does other things, but with a beard–

ASHLEY: The only reason any of us want that belt is to grow a beard.

MARISHA: Yeah that’s true. I’m not going to lie.

ASHLEY: I mean, even though there’s some very great… aspects… to the belt. That’s a plus.

TALIESIN: My question is, once you grow the beard, if you remove the belt, does the beard fall off or do you get to keep the beard? Because then you guys could just switch around, until everyone had the appropriate amount of facial hair.

SAM: I’ll take the armor.

MARISHA: Or does it dissipate at the end of the day when you take it off?

LAURA: I think that’s our wonderful Matt Mercer’s call.

TRAVIS: I’ll take it, we can hold it until somebody else wants it.

MATT: You have no way of knowing.

ORION: So who’s going to take the ring?

SAM: What does the ring do?

LAURA: Keyleth, I think, would like the ring.

MARISHA: I would just like something to help my AC.

SAM: What’s your AC?


ORION: That would bring you to 17.

SAM: Mine’s a 14.

MATT: It is now 15 with your new armor.

SAM: 15. All right, you take it. I’ll just die a lot.

TRAVIS: Whoa, whoa, no. Not cool.

MARISHA: Are you sure? I’d feel bad.

TALIESIN: I wouldn’t.

ASHLEY: Hey Scanlan, what’s your constitution?

SAM: 15.

ASHLEY: You’d look pretty good with a beard.

LAURA: You would look really good with a beard.

TALIESIN: Well, that solves it.

SAM: Well wait, I thought Grog was taking the beard.

ASHLEY: Grog has it. Maybe you guys can switch out sometimes.

SAM: Take it. It’s a belt, we can just– oh, but we have to bind it to us.

TRAVIS: You can have it.

SAM: No, no, you take it.

MARISHA: Because Grog doesn’t wear armor either. He has better benefits if he doesn’t wear armor.

TALIESIN: There hasn’t been enough in-game time for this to have actually taken hold yet, has there?

MARISHA: You keep take that, I think. It gives you a bonus to your dex.

TALIESIN: The Manual of Quickness of Action. It takes 48 hours worth of reading it.

MATT: Not yet.

TALIESIN: Okay. So I’ll have to wait… I’m starting this.

MATT: You can read it over time, like take a couple hours out of each evening, then…

MARISHA: But that means everybody got something, right?



MARISHA: Did we divide it up that way?

SAM: We divide everything up?


LAURA: The only one who didn’t is my brother.

LIAM: No, I have a Dagger of Life-Stealing, which steals life.

ORION: And also, Scanlan– and I bring out the Ioun Stone.

SAM: Oh, yes.

ORION: Like I was saying before, you ran out of– you kept running out of spells. This allows you to store extra spells. I propose a friendly trade for the crown– circlet– hat? Whatever you’re wearing.

LAURA: The circlet with the hat.

ORION: Is it a circlet?

SAM: The Concentration Circlet?

ORION: Yes. I think it would benefit you to have the ring, some sort of spell storing, which you’ve complained about running out of spells the last few times we’ve fought.

LAURA: Oh. Sorry… sorry. I took that pearl and you wanted it, huh?

SAM: The pearl, yes I did want the pearl, but… what? (confused laugh)

MARISHA: It does what the pearl does but times three.

SAM: What does it do?

MATT: It allows you to cast a spell into it, up to a level three. You can do three 1st-level spells, or up to one 3rd-level spell, into the stone. It’ll hold it. And then you can continue on with the next few days and you can cast it from the stone for free.

ORION: You know how I keep casting? I keep hucking spells because I keep casting them out of my Ioun Stone.

SAM: So does that mean on one round I could cast a spell and also activate the spell that’s stored in there?

MATT: It’s still an action to activate it, but it doesn’t use your current spell slot, ‘cause you’ve already stored it in there the day before.

SAM: I’ve never run out of spells.

ORION: You ran out of spells the last two battles, and you said that “I can’t cast this anymore”, where you’ve–

SAM: So it gives me an extra level three slot?

MATT: Essentially, if you were to cast a level three spell into it in advance.

ORION: Or you can cast, like, three of those, or three of those. Things that you would use for other deals.

MATT: Essentially. It’s up to you. You have the crown.

SAM: Let me think about it. Let’s think about it and strategize. We’ll do this tonight? The three level spells I don’t use as much as these. But, if that’s what you’d like…

ORION: I would like that very, very much.

TRAVIS: Has Vax come back from his man date?

LAURA: Yeah. Are we done? Are we ready to do things now?

TALIESIN: I’ve been looking forward to that conversation for two weeks.

MARISHA: It’s true. (giggles) That is a true story.

TALIESIN: It’s been sitting going, “Maybe he’ll say this!” I don’t know.

SAM: Well. You did Silence me that time.

ORION: I had to.

SAM: You didn’t have to.

TALIESIN: You did turn him into a mouse.

SAM: He liked it.

LAURA: Yeah, a super cute mouse!

ORION: No, I– no. I was going to say you didn’t turn me back into a mouse.

SAM: You also abandoned the party in our most dire moments.

LAURA: This is true as well.

TALIESIN: But he then did get the killing blow.


LAURA: That… doesn’t add to…

SAM: Yes, so if I abandon you all and come in at the last minute and take the last shot, I get all the credit? I don’t think so.

TALIESIN: I like to be contrary.

ORION: To be fair, gnome, I never abandoned the party at all. I was surveying the situation. My idea was not tried whatsoever. So I merely kept to my word. I did not enter the premises. Only when I needed to save everyone’s life, which is exactly what I did.

SAM: I’m so sorry, I missed the last part because my awesome hat was blocking it, sorry.

TRAVIS: Oh yeah!

ORION: It’s too big, you’re saying you can’t wear it?

SAM: We’ll discuss soon.

ORION: That’s not Clarota’s thing, that’s a different thing, right?

MATT: Yeah, that Vax has.

LIAM: Yes, I have the Clarota hat.

ORION: And we still have that.

LAURA: And it looks wonderful on you.

TALIESIN: You look like Merlin from Excalibur.

TRAVIS: Are we still at Gilmore’s?

MATT: You guys have exited Gilmore’s at this time.

LAURA: Are we standing out on the street divvying up random items?

MATT: Yes. You guys are essentially in the middle of the thoroughfare in Abadar’s Promenade of Emon, bickering over the items you guys are distributing amongst yourselves in broad daylight.

LAURA: Well I’ve got a beautiful pearl, so I’m happy.

TALIESIN: I’ve got a book!

TRAVIS: Are there any shady characters making eyes at our goods?

MATT: Make a perception check.

TRAVIS: Me make a perception check?

MATT: Yes.

LAURA: Bust out those dice!

TRAVIS: 15 plus… probably crap. Zero.

MATT: (laughs) Looking about, there are a few folks that walk by and give a strange eye to the seven, nearly eight foot tall goliath. But nothing beyond what you’re used to.

TRAVIS: Oh, all right.

MATT: Yeah. As a note guys, you do have about two days before the holy receptacle arrives so if there’s anything that you want to achieve in that meantime, you’re welcome to do so or you can just spend that couple days and relax.

LAURA: What? I’m sorry Percy, are you talking?

TALIESIN: I have chicken!

TRAVIS: On you?

TALIESIN: I have some tinkering I’d like to do.

MATT: All right. What would you like to tinker?

TALIESIN: I would like to try and build a couple things. I have a list actually…

LAURA: Arrows! Arrows for me please. Darling?

TALIESIN: No, no. Arrows are on the list. I want to start working on some sort of tazing implement for direct contact. I want to do an electrical charge that I can rev up.

MARISHA: He wants to make Asami’s glove.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: There’s that. I have a list of things. How many things can I start poking with in two days?

MATT: That glove, that’s going to be like a week-long endeavor.

TALIESIN: That’s a week-long thing.

MATT: Even the design phase will take you about two days, acquiring materials.

TALIESIN: Night vision.

MATT: Night vision…

TALIESIN: Into my current, existing helmet.

MATT: Night vision, or darkvision, as you would put it, would be more of an enchantment-based acquisition.

TALIESIN: There’s no way that I could try to pull that together?

MATT: Not via tinkering.

TALIESIN: Damn it.

MATT: The technological aspects are not, unfortunately, that advanced in this time. Like, shades, probably. You could probably shade some sun. But, actually looking in the dark, that’s an actual– would be more of an arcane situation.

TALIESIN: So this boils me down to two thoughts. This is good. I want to put a slight dent into the barrel of Bad News to get a ricochet shot, so that it basically allows me, when I shoot a bullet, to also do 1d12 worth of damage to one target that is immediately adjacent to the main target.

MARISHA: Shrapnel?

TALIESIN: Shrapnel. It’s not quite shrapnel, it’s a ricochet, but yes it is basically a shrapnel shot.

ORION: Like a bank shot.

TALIESIN: Yeah, like a bank shot. A secondary lesser damage.

MATT: With the Bad News. It’s going to be difficult with the Bad News because the sheer power and force that that gun emits on its payload.

TALIESIN: Would it be possible, if I did it to one of the barrels of–

MATT: You could do it. I’d say it’d probably up your misfire rate by one.

TALIESIN: Ah, okay.

MATT: So consider that. It’s doable, but in messing with the barrel, the chamber, and the trajectory of the weapon, there is that slight increase in the possibility of it jamming or disabling.


MATT: It’s a possible trade-off. With Bad News, because it travels so fast to do that much damage, any sort of alteration– it will either not change the course whatsoever, or it’ll blow up the gun.

TALIESIN: I’ll start the taser and work on some arrows then. That’s what I’d like to do.

MATT: Okay. Arrows are viable.

SAM: I go back into Gilmore’s and I ask if there’s– if either they or someone else they know can make a specific kind of potion.

MARISHA: Oh, I actually join him.

MATT: All right. So the two of you walk back in as they’re discussing this. Gilmore is still at his desk.

ORION: I’m going too.

MATT: All right. “I’m sorry, was there something else you require?”

SAM: I forgot to ask– Hello, Gilmore.

MATT: “Hello.”

SAM: You look particularly perky today.

MATT: “I’ve had a rather good day, you could say.”

SAM: I was wondering if I could inquire about a specific kind of scrying potion that I would like made for me. It’s a specialty item. I don’t know if any exist.

MATT: “Please, do step into my office.” And he leads you into the back room, beyond the beaded curtain. (laughs)

SAM: Oh! Is that patchouli I smell?

MATT: “Quite an astute nose you have. I’ll be right in. If you don’t mind, just hanging tight just for a moment. Thank you.” He steps off in the back room and takes about five minutes.

MARISHA: While he’s gone, can I look around to see if he has any books on how to start– like a potion making for dummies book.

MATT: Okay. So.

SAM: Gilmore, when we get excited, I– well, never mind that. Anyway, I’m looking for a way, a potion that I could maybe drink or use, to help me look in on a place that we’ve been to recently. I could maybe leave a mark of some sort, and then use that mark to magically scry into that place.

MATT: He gives you a long, hard look, contemplating the conversation, and then you see a lightbulb go off in his eyes and he goes, “Hmm. Curious. You’re into some things.”


SAM: I have a dark side.

MATT: “Indeed. I could probably acquiesce to this. Give me a day. I should be able to produce such an item, although this is, I will say– having not been attempted, there comes a warning of possible side effects.”

SAM: So I would be drinking this potion and it could affect me in other ways.

MATT: “Perhaps. The funny thing about unproven magic is, well, it’s unproven. I could give you at least a 90 to 95% guarantee?”

SAM: All right. And how much would such a potion cost me?

MATT: “I would say for the research, the materials, and seeing as how you are indeed sponsored by Gilmore’s Glorious Goods. At discount, 300 gold?”

SAM: Wow. Did I give away my ruby last time?

LAURA: I don’t remember.

ORION: No, you still have it.

TRAVIS: You did not.

SAM: How much would this get me?

MATT: Go ahead and roll a persuasion.

TRAVIS: Come on buddy.

SAM: I don’t have any dice! (laughs)

MATT: There you go!

LIAM: I almost gave away mine.

SAM: 23.

ASHLEY: That’s a good one.

SAM: Oh. 21.


MATT: Right. Oh! (laughs) No, as soon as you procure it, he leans forward and snatches it gingerly from your fingers and looks it over in his eyes. “Ooh! This is a fine piece.”

LAURA: (whispering) It’s super-duper flawless ‘cause you put it in the Wheel.

MATT: “For trade?”

SAM: Just tell me how much it’s worth first.

MATT: “This gem would probably run you anywhere from 200 to 300 gold.”

SAM: Do I sense that he’s lying?

MATT: Make an insight check.

SAM: Where’d it go? Thank you! Ooh! 11.


MATT: He seems honest. He seems like he’s genuinely looking to make a deal.

TRAVIS: Do it.

SAM: What?

TRAVIS: Just straight up.

LAURA: Do it.

SAM: Yeah, let’s do it. I’ll give you the ruby for the potion.

MATT: “Very well.”

SAM: But I would love a hefty amount of a potion. Not a single use, but multiple use.

MATT: “Oh. I can provide for this fantastic specimen, a three use potion? Is that within your realm of possibility?”

SAM: That would be lovely, thank you, Gilmore.

MATT: “One day!”

SAM: One. One wonderful day!

MATT: “One day.”

SAM: One glorious day!

MATT: And he rubs your shoulder and leads you outside of the room.

ORION: Wait! I have a two part question, Gilmore!

LAURA: I didn’t even think you were in there.

ORION: I am!

LAURA: Oh! Okay.

MATT: Ha. Ha. As you storm through the beaded curtain, as he’s exiting. “Ah! I’m sorry, this room is private.”

ORION: Oh. Everything’s private, I guess.


ORION: I wanted to know, A: How much that ring of Walking on Water was again, and B: If you knew of somewhere that I could have an existing item enchanted just a little bit. Like make it stronger than it currently is, but not change it.

MATT: “First off, the ring that we discussed as our original deal, the price would run you about 1,750.”

ORION: 1,750?

MATT: “1,750 gold pieces. Should you be interested still. As for– enchantment is a largely permanent process. To enhance an existing enchantment is a dangerous task that has a very high probability of ruining the enchantment that currently exists.”

ORION: Oh. That’s good to know.

MATT: “To increase it, such masters I hear exist in the world, but they are very, very dead. Or very, very hidden.”

ORION: Hmm. Yes.

MATT: “However, if you wish to upgrade, we are more than happy to oblige!”

ORION: No, the Ring of Protection that I have is one measure. I wanted it by another measure. I don’t know how to phrase this in RP. So. I wanted it to be– to have–

SAM: More.

MARISHA: More protect-y.

SAM: More bigger.

MARISHA: More– Yes.

MATT: “Well. Perhaps we could have one made for you. It would take a few weeks, but we could have one waiting.”

ORION: Oh, very good. I would like to arrange that.

MATT: “All right. Well, you’d have to pay half the price down in front.” How much is your Ring of Protection plus two currently labeled as?

MARISHA: 6,500.


MATT: “So 6,500. That will put you at 3,250 down now. The other half when the enchantment is complete.”

ORION: (quietly) That is insane. We didn’t buy it for that much, did we?

MATT: They haggled it down a little bit.

MARISHA: We tossed it in with a deal and stuff.

TALIESIN: Stuff’s expensive, man.

MARISHA: Stuff is expensive.

ORION: I’ll chill for now.

MATT: “Very well. Come back if you change your mind.”

ORION: I will.

MARISHA: Wait, did I find a book?

MATT: Right. We’ll get to that now. Roll an investigation check.


MATT: All right. Asking around some of the employees and keeping an eye out, there are a few books on herbalism, how to find and retain the potent elements of various material components found in nature. Also, there are some bits of information about how to extract materials from natural creatures, meaning monsters, beasts both natural and magical. How to remove and preserve safely elements of their organs, and things that can be used in various alchemical compounds and/or potion-brewing. There are no books specifically on the process of brewing, but that is one of the key components to it, is being able to acquire those elements.

MARISHA: So I take those books. How much are those books?

MATT: It’s a single book that contains everything about the herbalism and a book about the extraction of creature components.

MARISHA: So I take that book. How much is that book?

MATT: The two books.

MARISHA: How much are these books?

MATT: (laughs) You inquire with the employees. “These books are marked currently at 25 gold apiece. They are a second printing, but hard to find. Do you wish to purchase?”

MARISHA: Yes, I’ll take both of them. 50 gold.

MATT: Mark off 50 gold. Hands the tomes back.

MARISHA: Also, did I talk to Gilmore about potion classes?

MATT: You did, and he said he’ll take it under consideration.

MARISHA: He’ll take it into consideration. Okay.

MATT: He gave you a look like, “Hm.”

MARISHA: Like, maybe? Okay.

TALIESIN: It’s tough to tell. He sort of has that look.

LAURA: Without taking too long on it, I was also hoping, while we’re in town. That armor that we stole from the big rhinoceros monster in the duergar castle?

MATT: Oh, the bulette.

LAURA: Yes. The armor that we took from him. Is there any way I can find a blacksmith that can maybe upgrade Trinket’s armor with that?

SAM: Ooh.

MATT: That’s an interesting thought. All right. Go ahead and make an investigation check.

LAURA: Okay. All right. Here we go. Pick wisely. I’m using the new fancy one, so don’t fail me.

MARISHA: (singing) Don’t fail me now.

LAURA: 20?

MATT: 20. Easy enough. After asking around town, you manage to find a few individuals to speak with. There are two armor smiths. One that dabbles in both blacksmithing and armor smithing, one that specifically is an armor smith who focuses in strange materials. Mostly ornamental, but has a strong history and past in warfare and honing those skills towards the use of actual battle. You find it’s a dwarven woman by the name of Karin, and they send you to her facility. It’s a very small, almost a hovel, but when you approach the outside, you can immediately smell this strong scent of iron. Almost like a sulfur and different other chemicals that are used when you’re folding metals and making composites. You open the door slightly, and it’s very darkly lit on the inside. There’s the heat of the forge, and you see this very sturdy, muscular dwarven woman standing in there with her hair graying, and it’s pulled back into a very tight bun. She’s wearing a leather apron with her sleeves rolled up, and she’s in the process of hammering down on a piece of metal over her anvil, just (ping, ting, ting).

LAURA: Does she have a beard?

MATT: (laughs) You see, there’s probably a bit of scruff showing at the edge of her chin, but not a beard per se. She doesn’t seem to notice you. She’s just in the middle of her work.

LAURA: (clears throat)

MATT: She stops for a second. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t see you enter! Can I help you?”

LAURA: Karin, yes?

MATT: “Aye, I’m Karin.”

LAURA: Don’t mean to interrupt. You look very busy here.

MATT: “Let me just finish.”

LAURA: All right.

MATT: She gives you a nod (huffs), and then goes back into her mode for a second. She makes you wait for a good six minutes while she finishes hammering out this piece, turning and rotating on the edge of the anvil, hammering it into this smooth– it looks almost like a pauldron, curved point for a shoulder. Then eventually, she (shhh) quenches it in the trough, sets it aside with a (tink, tink). Puts her tools down, takes off her big leather gloves. Wipes her brow, and you see when she wipes it, she wipes the sweat off, but leaves a big old grease mark where once was clean, and goes, “Sorry for the wait. So, what can I do for you?”

LAURA: I’ve heard rumor that you are a very talented blacksmith.

MATT: “Oh, aye. Depends on what you’re looking for. What’re you putting in the furnace?”

LAURA: I have quite an interesting proposition for you.

MATT: “I like interesting.”

LAURA: I may have some material you’ve never worked with, I don’t know.

LIAM: Oh, here we go.

LAURA: Would you mind stepping outside for a moment? Get some fresh air?

MATT: At this point, specifically, she goes from extremely welcoming to a very nervous, untrusting look.

LAURA: Believe me, you’ll want to see this.

MATT: Make a persuasion roll.

TRAVIS: Why didn’t you wink first?

LAURA: You’ll want to see this.

MATT: (laughs)

LAURA: Ugh! I don’t know which– that’s the problem with having too many. I’m rolling my Trinket die, since it applies to Trinket.

MATT: There you go.

LAURA: That wasn’t good. Nine?

MATT: It’s okay, she rolled a two.


MATT: “All right, all right. Sorry, I don’t mean to– I’ve had a few encounters in the past.”


MATT: “But yes, outside.” She walks out, and as she walks out with you, you can see she reaches over and grabs a sheathed shortsword and keeps it at her side.

LAURA: No need for that, darling. Trinket!

MATT: (bear moans) Your armored bear comes looming around the corner, at which point she (yelps) goes for the sword instinctually.

LAURA: No, no! Take a gander at his armor.

MATT: “Oh. That’s not bad. That’s not bad at all!” She walks up to him and carefully– doesn’t want to touch him–

LAURA: He’s friendly, don’t worry.

MATT: Trinket, of course, leans forward. (slurp) Licks the side of her face, cleaning off some of the grease stain on the side of her cheek. "(shocked laughter) Oh! That was unexpected. Very friendly one.”

LIAM: Matt Mercer.

MATT: “Trinket, is it?”


MATT: “You’re a nice one, Trinket.” She starts rubbing the side of his cheek. (bear moans)

LAURA: He likes you. I can tell.

MATT: She starts looking at the armor. “It’s nice. Functional. It’s taken a few dings. It’s seen some battle.”

LAURA: Yes, it has. I’m hoping to protect him a bit more, however.

MATT: “Well, I can see that. Who made this?” She looks around and pulls it. “Oh, this is the mark of Westruun. This was made over in that– (scoffs).”

LAURA: Yes. You can do better, I’m sure.

MATT: “Oh, they’re not the finest over there. They’re functional, but not the finest. Is this for a parade or is this for actual combat?”

LAURA: Actual combat. Beauty? Not my concern.

MATT: “All right, all right. And what materials are you looking for?”

LAURA: Well. (grunts)

MATT: (laughs) As you slam down this awkward, still somewhat wet in places, but mostly dried-out bulette hide that you guys carved from it. And it is big pieces of plate scales with sections of leather underneath, interwoven. It is part of a large behemoth of a creature. As you slam it down, she steps back for a second. “And you– what manner of creature did this come from?”

LAURA: A very large one, actually. A bull–

MATT: “Bulette?”

LAURA: Bulette. That one.

MATT: “Oh, I haven’t seen one of those found itself to the surface in quite some time.”

LAURA: It wasn’t on the surface. We’re a bit of adventurers, if you want to know.

MATT: She gives you this long look. Goes, “Right. Right, adventurers. Of course. Sorry, didn’t mean to offend.”

LAURA: You’ve probably heard of us. Vox Machina?

MATT: She stops for a second and goes, “Actually, yes. I have heard of you.”

LAURA: Yeah?

MATT: “Winter’s Crest festival not long ago.”

LAURA: That is correct.

MATT: “All right. Well, then. It’s a pleasure to have you in my little establishment and business. Bulette hide? I have not worked with this.” She leans down and starts messing with it, seeing how pliable it is in sections. She goes, “There’s enough here to redo most of the armor. Most places. I could minimize spatial use of it and possibly get most of the main plates gathered. I can work with this.”

LAURA: Nice!

MATT: “I can work with this. It’ll take me a few days, unfortunately. It is a rare material.”

LAURA: Right. Is two days enough?

MATT: “Two days?”


MATT: “I could. I’d have to charge you more, ‘cause I’m not going to get much sleep at that rate.”

LAURA: Understandable. How much is a bit more?

MATT: “Well, you’re providing the materials. That definitely cuts the cost significantly. For my time and work, and lack of sleep–”

LAURA: And we will send many, many customers your way.

MATT: “Can I put my personal brand on this?”

LAURA: Of course.

ORION: Wait–

MATT: “Well, then.” You’re not there.

LAURA: (whispering) Trinket isn’t sponsored, it’s just fucking us.

ORION: Okay.

MATT: “500 gold suffice?”

LAURA: How about 450?

MATT: Make a persuasion roll.

LAURA: Shit.

MATT: Oh, Vex.

SAM: Why must you dicker?

LAURA: Because I want to.


LAURA: Wah-wah! That would be 26.

MATT: She looks you over for a second, looks at the material, and you can see in her eyes, there’s this interest in working with this material, never touched or worked with it. She goes, “(spits) 450.”

LAURA: (spits) Deal.

MATT: Shakes hands.

LAURA: See you in a few days.

MATT: “All right.”

LAURA: Two days.

MATT: “Two days. All right.” And she leans down, picks it up, it is heavy material– for the most part carrying it around was his job in the bag of holding. She lifts it over one shoulder, (rgh) heads right into the workshop–

LAURA: Thank you, Karin!

MATT: Stops for a second, turns around. “Do you mind if I take that armor in the meantime? I figure I could use that to base the pattern.”

LAURA: Oh, of course, yeah! Use it together. Trinket.

MATT: Take about 15 minutes, she helps take the armor off, she leads it all into the shop, and she goes, “All right. See you in a few days.” Closes her door. (bff)

LAURA: Trinket, look at you naked. So cute. All right, sorry that took so long.

SAM: Hi, you’re back! All right. Shall we start adventuring, then?

ORION: Where? There’s two days to hang out.

SAM: Two days, oh, we’re not leaving yet?


SAM: I was mostly spacing out last time.

MATT: If there’s anything else you guys want to achieve in these next two days, you’re welcome to do it now, or we could go ahead and say you relax and take the time to fast-forward through the two-day period.

TALIESIN: I’ll do my tinkering rolls and then I’m good.

MATT: All right, so. First you wanted to work on?

TALIESIN: I wanted to work on a grappling-hook arrow that attaches to the unending– that ties to the unending rope so that we have actually something that will pierce heavy stone and anchor.

MATT: Okay, all right.

TALIESIN: Like Batman. I don’t know why Batman’s on the brain right now. Could be any reason.

MATT: All right.

ORION: I have an Earring of the Wind that I made that I have not enchanted yet. Can I enchant that in two days to make another one?

MATT: Another one of the speaking earrings?

ORION: There is the existing functional one, but over the time since I gave them out I only had time to make one extra one, but I have to enchant them also.

MATT: Yeah, I would say you could begin the process, you get halfway through. It would take you the better part of a week to complete the earring, which is what it did before when you first made them. But you can begin the process. You definitely have your laboratory now in Greyskull Keep, and that gives you a bonus to the rolls you make to enchant it.

ORION: Ooh, can I start it and then if we leave I can have one of the helpers–

MATT: You could probably have Allura come and finish it if you wanted to ask her.

ORION: Oh, okay, well. Cool then.

MATT: She doesn’t have anything better to do.


ORION: I’ll start that, yeah. I’ll start doing the one that I made.

MATT: Okay, getting the enchantment on that. All right. Go ahead and make your first tinkering check.

TALIESIN: All right. First tinkering roll is 13.

MATT: 13. Okay. So as opposed to an actual arrow, what you’re doing is you take an extended crossbow bolt, you blacksmith onto the end of it, extending it to what would be an actual full-scale longbow arrow length, but it is a thick metal rod. From there you create the grappling hook end to it and what would be essentially– it’s thin, and then once the rope is pulled or tugged from the back, it retracts the front part to extend it into a grappling hook. You get through the process of creating the rod, and you sketch in a few ideas for the actual portion of the end of the arrow that would extend into the grappling hook portion. Go ahead and make a secondary roll.


MATT: 12? Okay. You’re having– this is including your tinker bonus, your–

TALIESIN: Just proficiency bonus.

MATT: Yeah. So you started having a little bit of a problem with the mechanism. It keeps sticking and having a hard time actually retracting or springing from the arrow point.

TALIESIN: Damn it.

MATT: It takes a little more time than you anticipated with it. Go ahead and make a final roll.

SAM: I’m going to inspire him before he makes this roll with a little inspiration song or something.

MATT: So Scanlan comes down into your workshop underneath Greyskull Keep. You hear a fine little ditty to inspire you in your work.

SAM: (sings) Whoa, I hear you’re tinkering, whoa, please do it well. Take my hand and you’ll tinker I swear.

ALL: (sing) Whoa! Please do it well.


TALIESIN: I feel inspired.

SAM: (sing) Tinkering on a prayer!

TALIESIN: There we go. Now I feel inspired.

MATT: I was about to give you a d6, but that’ll be the full d10. So on this final roll, go ahead and– what did you roll initially?

TALIESIN: I actually don’t even remember, but it wasn’t that bad.

MATT: All right, go.

TALIESIN: All right. So that’s 18.

MATT: 18, okay. With that bit of inspiration going in your little Scanlan-based soundtrack–

TALIESIN: (sings) Tinkering on a prayer.

MATT: – you realize that some of the gears that were sticking, you recut them out, insert it, and like butter (shnk) it sticks out and retracts. So you have one grappling arrow completed. For material costs, it came to about 100 gold.

TALIESIN: 100 gold. And then I want to try and recreate the exploding arrow as my last little thing I want to do today.

MATT: Okay, okay.

MARISHA: Guys, we’ve got to go back and get our money.

LAURA: Yeah, oh my gosh.

TRAVIS: Yeah, no shit.

ORION: That’s what we’ve got to do.

MARISHA: That is like 30k sitting for us in–

SAM: Can we just send our minions to get it? Like our servants.

TRAVIS: Vax has something he’d like to add.

LAURA: What?

LIAM: Pike, dear, dear friend, can you hear me?

ASHLEY: Oh yes, I know, we’re getting to that.

LIAM: I was wondering if maybe you and I could swing by the temple of Serren-rae and fix my foot.

TRAVIS and LAURA: Saran Wrap?

ASHLEY: Oh, it’s Sarenrae, but that’s fine.

LIAM: I’m three-fourths an atheist, darling, but I know that my foot doesn’t fucking work.

ASHLEY: Well, I know. And I was going to say the past couple days I think I’ve spent at the temple trying to sort of reconnect and really just tune in and apologize and confess.

TALIESIN: Sounds like a day spa.

LAURA: Ooh, that’s good.

MATT: And you return to this temple, the same temple where you yourself were resurrected after falling to the treachery demon naught but eight months previous. Returning to that place, especially after your recent journey and near brushes with death again, is a very solemn experience, and there’s a part of you that just feels internally cold, both returning there and because of your strangely fractured connection with Sarenrae since you delved into the Underdark and tapped into your darker side since traveling abroad on the ship. You take approximately six hours out of each day to just go in silent prayer and reach out to her. I will say, go ahead and make a wisdom check.


LAURA: Ooh, that’s good.


MATT: At the end of your second six-hour period of intense–

SAM and MARISHA: Six hours!

MARISHA: It’s like an ayahuasca experience.

SAM: Did you have a bathroom break?

MATT: – intense communion with Sarenrae, sweat pouring down your body. The room itself is pretty cold, but for some reason your body is just growing more and more intense with heat. You feel yourself internalizing all of the steps and missteps that you’ve gone through over these past six or seven months, trying to find your path, rediscovering yourself and what you have to do to prevent yourself or any of your friends from falling to the fate that you once did, and explaining to her that your love never left and that this was all with the ultimate purpose of achieving her ultimate purpose as her instrument, and you wish not to cross that again, and if there’s any way to redeem yourself, to let it be known to you. At the end of that period of time, you feel since you’ve lost that connection in the Underdark, that thread reconnect, the warmth fills you, and the sweat stops as your entire body seems to be humming with energy. For a brief second in your face, in your eyes, in your vision you can see the beautiful gold, gleaming, fire-wreathed head of Sarenrae smiling at you as she reaches down and touches the side of your cheek and says, “Be forthright. Be grand. Burn bright and beautiful, and I shall always be at your side.” And with that, she releases your cheek and vanishes, the vision gone in the temple, and you can see two other clerics that were silent, muttering prayer, have gone quiet and are both staring at you with a look of like, 'what just happened.’

LAURA: Yay, Pike, yay!

ASHLEY: Yay, yay, yay!

MATT: You look down at your holy symbol, and that one giant fissure that had cracked has resealed itself.

(all cheer)

ASHLEY: Hey man, that was my new special Celtic die that whoever sent to me.


LIAM: Celebrate by shitting on a bed.

(all laugh)

MATT: It’s a cultural gnome thing, right?

ASHLEY: So, well, to start things off, then, how is Liam’s foot?

SAM: Whose?

MATT: It’s going okay.

SAM: Who?

ASHLEY: I’m so sorry!

MATT: Who’s this Liam guy?

ASHLEY: I’m– what am I saying? I mean, how is Vax’s foot? I’m not sure who Liam is.

MATT: As you step out–

LIAM: My foot’s great, Ashley, thanks.

(all laugh)

MATT: As you step out of the central chamber of the temple of Sarenrae, Vax has been waiting there for a while, wanted to actually ask for your aid in this. As you see her step out of the main chamber, Vax, she has a look of serenity in her face you haven’t seen in quite some time.

LIAM: Is this the moment?


LIAM: Should I take my shoe off? Vex, look, I’ll take my shoe off.

LAURA: Don’t do it. Don’t do it.

ASHLEY: Here, just sit on this rock, okay? Take off your shoe. Hoo.

TALIESIN: For the first time, you’re safe.

MATT: And he does.

LAURA: Ugh. That’s disgusting.

TRAVIS: Proud of you right now.

LIAM: It’s still, you know, it feels strong, but it’s– it itches. It itches me– It irks me still. Perhaps maybe you could give it one more try today? You seem to have a bit of a glow about you.


MATT: That’s a 30? 30 points of healing. As you’re saying this and you’re stuttering this out, she goes into a singular trance, clutches her holy symbol with one hand, and reaches out and grabs your foot with the other. Her hand almost burns at the touch, something you instinctively pull back on, but her grip is like an iron vice and you cannot release yourself from it. And as she just intensely focuses forward, you can see this glowing divine energy transfer from down her forearm into your foot. Fear reaches you suddenly because you don’t understand the divine, and though you’ve seen some crazy things, this is a little worrying. You’ve seen some shit. I want you to go ahead and make a medicine roll with advantage.

LIAM: It feels like IcyHot!


TALIESIN: Ye olde IcyHot.

MATT: The scent of Vicks VapoRub hits your system.

LAURA: And another one, you get advantage, you can do it again.

ASHLEY: That’s a lot better. 24.

MATT: 24. As she releases her grip on you, the energy fades, her eyes tend to come back into that natural, soft Pike image you’re used to, and looking down at your foot, you can see any noticeable sign of scarring, damage is completely gone. Your foot is whole, intact.


SAM: And your nails have been painted red. Red nails.

LAURA: Hey, and you know what? It doesn’t smell as bad now.

LIAM: I stick my foot in my sister’s face.

LAURA: Yeah, thank you.

ORION: I’m going to miss that bit.

LAURA: It doesn’t even smell bad anymore, so thank you.

LIAM: Well, not so fast.

MATT: Percy.


MATT: How many– you have time probably to attempt three arrows.

TALIESIN: I’m going to try for three exploding arrows. And I’ve built one before.

MATT: Yes, you have, I know. I’m still keeping that in mind.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

MATT: Materials per arrow will cost 50 gold.

TALIESIN: Another 150 gold? All right.

LAURA: I’ll give it to you.

MATT: So 150 gold for materials. You have your goggles on–

LAURA: I won’t even haggle with you, Percy, I’ll just give it to you. I mean, well, you know. You know what I mean.

TALIESIN: I certainly do. I know exactly what you mean. No.

LIAM: That’s going a bit beyond winking.

LAURA: (laughs) I know.

TALIESIN: Now I’m nervous.

MATT: So coming off the high from making your grappling arrow, you sit down, you’re alone in the middle of your workshop, it’s hot in there, it’s subterranean, you have the glow of your candlelight around you, you have your goggles on, your blacksmith leather gloves on, and you’re tinkering with the delivery method of these small, concussive arrows. Go ahead and make your first roll.


MATT: 18. With deftness, you rapidly complete the first arrow, wrapping up the powder charge, the impact point, and the arrow itself weighted to be fair and balanced to be flung from a longbow. Make your second roll.

SAM: Like Fox News.

TALIESIN: All right. 15.

MATT: 15. Second arrow takes a little longer, but you still manage to keep the flow going, complete it fine. Third and final roll.

LAURA: Come on, Percy!

TALIESIN: Natural 20.


LAURA: That’s an extra-special arrow.

MATT: Not only did you complete this in record time, but the arrow itself looks beautiful. It could be a display case item.

LAURA: Does it do extra damage?

MATT: You’ll find out. But I would mark that arrow separately from the other two.

TALIESIN: You would mark it.

MATT: Mark it as two exploding arrows and one exploding arrow with a star next to it.

LAURA: Okay, I’ll do that.

TALIESIN: So you have a grappling hook arrow, two exploding arrows, and one exploding arrow with a star.

LAURA: Come here, you beautiful bastard.

TALIESIN: I’m getting to kiss everybody in this game. I’ve already made my way through siblings, this is getting– all right.

MARISHA: That’s so true, you have!

MATT: Ah, you’ve been to that party before.

TALIESIN: I’ve kissed the twins. I have, well, thank you.

MATT: All right, any other business you guys wish to–

TRAVIS: Yeah, is there a tavern nearby? Just a quick question.

MATT: There are many taverns. The one you know the best is the Laughing Lamia, which you guys previously stayed at.

TRAVIS: It’s the biggest one?

MATT: It’s pretty large, it’s pretty large.

TRAVIS: I’d like to walk to the Laughing Lamia and knock the doors open and as loud as I can, go, Listen up! I want to know if anyone has seen any goliaths wandering around these parts. Aside from me.

MATT: Do you wish to do this via conversational persuasion or through intimidation? Because there are two ways you can go with this, Grog.

LAURA: And you’re wearing the belt that makes you extra persuasive.

MARISHA: Only with dwarves.

TRAVIS: Persuasive… yeah, well, maybe there’s some dwarves hanging about.

MARISHA: There might be some dwarves!

MATT: So how are you doing this? Okay, make a persuasion roll.

SAM: Can I be with him just to watch?

LAURA: Was there also a grappling arrow, Percy?

MATT: Sure.

SAM: Okay, I’m with you, Grog, just watching.

ORION: I’m still enchanting.

TALIESIN: Possibly reusable.


LIAM: Yeah you are.

MARISHA: Can I go read my potion book?

TRAVIS: I got a four. With the belt.


MATT: This is.

MARISHA: What dice are you rolling?

TRAVIS: I grow a giant pubic mane from the belt.

MATT: Enchanted merkin plus two.

ORION: Dude. You’ve got to check your balanced dice, man.

MATT: All right. So as you burst in and shout this to the group, everyone stops and turns and looks… and then goes right back to drinking and their conversation. There appears to be no immediate reaction.

SAM: Can I jump up– I jump up on a table and I say, Listen, you motherfuckers, my friend just asked you a fucking question, now fucking answer him or I’m going to kill every last motherfucking one of you!

TRAVIS: I’d listen to him, he means it.

LAURA: Can you do that?

MATT: Make an intimidation check.

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah!

SAM: Is this a 20?

ASHLEY: Come on, Scanlan.

LAURA: Please be good.

ASHLEY: Come on, Scanlan.

SAM: I rolled, that would be a 30.

TRAVIS: Thug life. That’s amazing!

SAM: Oh wait, no. Yes, 28. I added wrong. 28.

MATT: Oh, well that makes the difference. So in an unseen display, the goliath storms into the bar and makes no impact, yet the tiniest gnome jumps onto the table like a ravenous wolverine, frothing at the mouth, his wild eyes staring about the dark interior of the Laughing Lamia. All the patrons at the table around him, you can see, lean back in fear, caught off-guard by this entirely, one man holding a drink just drops it and you hear it shatter on the ground. Everyone gets quiet again, but stays quiet. Even the small band playing in the far corner, you hear like (gee-uh), a discordant sound as all instruments break to a halt, the dancer stops, the whole room is dead-silent. At which point a nearby halfling, you can see he’s unkempt, farmer-tan looking fellow, looks up and he goes, “Um. No…?”

SAM: Thank you for your forthrightness and honesty.

MATT: At which point a hand claps your shoulder. You look over and there’s a human there, a bearded older man in his 40s, his hair trimmed very very short, crew-cut almost. He’s wearing what looks like a patchwork scalemail almost, like mostly leather but there’s a lot of chunks of scales put around it and he looks scarred and weathered and he says, “I’ve traveled this land quite a bit and I’ve heard there’s roving bands of goliaths been attacking folks up north in trade routes. Haven’t seen any near Emon. Where occasionally you’d hear of the mountain-folks staying up north, it appears they’re getting brazen, wandering southward. Haven’t seen them myself, but a friend of mine had an encounter once. Lost half his traveling crew. Had to bury them out there. It was terrible.”

SAM: Sounds awful. You said up north, how far?

MATT: “Just in the Silvercoat Runway. The way south of Kraghammer, on the way to Westruun.”

SAM: All right. Anything else you’d like to know, Grog?

TRAVIS: No, Killer.

SAM: Thank you for your troubles. Here, let me buy you a drink.

MATT: “All right, I’ll take that.” And he goes over, walks with you to the bar, toss him a gold, he gets his ale, and, “You know, I’ve always shat on gnomes, but today I think you’ve represented them well.”

SAM: You, my friend, have good taste.

TRAVIS: That was awesome. I had no idea. That was amazing, Scanlan.

SAM: For you, anything. Hey, grow a beard tomorrow morning.


MATT: All right, so. We’ll say over the period of two days go by– Grog, what’s the percentage on your–

TRAVIS: 50% chance.

MATT: Go ahead and roll a percentile dice.

SAM: Oh, we’ve never done one of those before.

LAURA: Oh, percentile dice!

TRAVIS: That a 20?

LAURA: No, a percentile dice.

SAM: No, it’s a percentile dice.

MATT: It’s two ten-siders. There should be one that has double-digits and one that has single.

TRAVIS: Both of them?

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: No, just one.


MATT: 60, then roll another one.

SAM: Oh.

TRAVIS: Double zeroes.

LAURA: 100, that’s a 100.

MATT: Right, well that was a 60 and then that was for the second digit, so you rolled a 60.

TRAVIS: Okay, good.

MATT: All right, so, over the period of the next morning you wake up excited and check… smooth as a baby’s bum.


MATT: However, as the two-day period comes to an end, you guys acquire, early in the morning that morning as you finish your breakfast, a messenger comes to the front of Greyskull Keep and delivers a summons to the Council of Tal'Dorei that notifies you that the package has arrived at the Council. Very very quick, to the point words, not very verbose, in the idea of keeping it vague and secret, but you know what it means.

SAM: Do you think it’s the model plane I ordered?

LAURA: I think it is, yes.

TRAVIS: Probably not.

SAM: Oh.

TRAVIS: Just a guess, though.

LAURA: Well, should we go?

MATT: So mark down that you spent two of four days of enchanting on that second earring, and you can get back to that if you manage to find yourself to some sort of a laboratory elsewhere, or you can return to your–

ORION: Can we stop at– is Allura, is she here or not?

TRAVIS: Allura?

MATT: Allura? She might be in the Cloudtop District in her tower. You can inquire.

ORION: And do we– does she have helpers there, when we were there, do you remember?

MATT: No, she was just herself.

ORION: It was just herself?

MATT: She runs it herself.

ORION: Okay.

SAM: In the last two days, have I gone back to Gilmore to pick up my item?

MATT: You got back, your item was completed.

SAM: Excellent.

ASHLEY: What kind of potion did you get?

SAM: It’s a potion that, when combined with– when consumed, can allow me to leave a mark of some sort that possibly I could use to have visions of what is in the area. The mechanics of which I would not like to get into at this moment.

MATT: So he gives you the potion. “It was a curious endeavor, but I think you’ll be happy with the results.”

LAURA: It’s so he can spy on you.

SAM: Any chance to talk to you, Gilmore, leaves me happy beyond compare.

MATT: “Oh, stop it, flattery will get you everywhere.”

TRAVIS: If you have an erection for more than 24 hours…

LAURA: Did you get that potion so you can spy on Pike when she’s naked?

SAM: I am offended, and terrified at the assumption that I would sink so low!

LAURA: Yeah, yeah.

SAM: As to spy on my good friend and future wife Pike when her pantaloons are down. Not at all. How dare you. How dare you! Have I ever spied?


SAM: On a member of our current party?

LAURA: Yes, you have.



SAM: Current party.


SAM: Okay. Okay.


TRAVIS: Tiberius, can you bamf us to the place?

SAM: I just wanted to make sure you remembered.

LAURA: Good, I do.

ORION: It doesn’t work like that. I can bamf us back here when we’re done.

MATT: All right, so you’ve acquired your potion, it’s a brackish purple color; it’s a purple-grey.

SAM: Purple-grey. Okay. I’ve got it. Great, thank you.

MATT: You go back to Karin and indeed the armor is completed. It’s interesting, it makes Trinket look like a roly-poly, almost.

ALL: Ooh!

LAURA: Oh, that’s so cute!

MATT: It’s these overlaid giant grey scales that overlap in armored sections and you would imagine, if you wanted– could roll in a ball and she would look adorable. He would. But yeah, it’s, the armor–

LAURA: You really, really want Trinket to be a girl.

MATT: I don’t know why I’ve got it in my head, I don’t. You know what it is? It’s because my bird I thought was a boy for the longest time, and we found out the bird was a girl, and so I got used to transitioning to she when I talk about animals since then. I apologize.

LAURA: Oh, I see. Understandable.

MATT: Trinket is a boy.

LAURA: Boy. And maybe he could roll into things now! It’ll be awesome.

MARISHA: Yeah, can he roll?

MATT: We’ll try it if you want to?

MARISHA: Roly-poly bear.

MATT: Bears aren’t known for their rolling capabilities.

LAURA: Trinket is a special bear.

ORION: How much does Trinket weigh again? Like 600 pounds?

LAURA: He weighs a lot.

TALIESIN: Call it a “bear-rel” roll.

ORION: He’s not over a thousand pounds though. Is it 800 pounds?

MATT: Trinket’s pushing about 800 pounds, probably.

ORION: He’s 800 pounds, so.

LAURA: He weighs more than Grog.

ORION: I can fastball special him.

LAURA: (gasps) Fastball special Trinket.

MATT: So the benefits of this. Trinket acquires an additional plus two to Trinket’s armor class over his previous armor, which he gains from the bulette.

LAURA: That puts him at 20.

MATT: That’s fantastic. Also, Trinket has resistance against non-magical bludgeoning damage.

LAURA: Awesome.

MATT: So if anyone attempts to go after Trinket with a giant hammer or you know something that is bludgeon-type damage–

ORION: Or a mace.

MATT: – or a giant mace, anything. If I ever attack Trinket with something that seems bludgeoning and you say, ah-ah, is that bludgeoning? Call me on it and it could be reduced by half.

SAM: What if someone tries to–

LAURA: So if I did try to roll him into something it wouldn’t hurt him–

MATT: Not as much.

LAURA: – because that would technically be bludgeoning.

MATT: In theory, yeah.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Hitting the wall, Trinket would be like, “All right.”

SAM: What if someone tried to hit Trinket with a salmon?

ORION: That’s also bludgeoning.

MATT: That’s fish damage, it’s a different arcane type of damage. Fire, lightning, fish, it’s a whole thing.

LAURA: Let’s go see the Council.

SAM: Let’s go. All right. To the Council!

MARISHA: Did I learn anything from my herbalism book?

MATT: What the books are is you keep them with you, and if you wish to reference them while taking any sort of herbalism roll, they will essentially give you a momentary bonus to it. They will double your proficiency bonus for any rolls for herbalism or to harvest any pieces of a creature.


MATT: So keep that in mind.



SAM: All right.

TRAVIS: So let’s go.

SAM: Let’s go to the Council.

MATT: Are you proficient in herbalism?


MATT: Are you proficient in herbalism? Or medicine I guess it would be now, sorry. Herbalism is, sorry, that’s old systems.

MARISHA: I mean, I’m proficient in nature.

MATT: We’ll say nature, it’d be nature. I’ve run too many systems. Too many games. So we’ll say, are you proficient in nature?

MARISHA: Yeah. Druid, yo.

MATT: So you double your proficiency bonus on any nature rolls to do either of those things.


MATT: Keep that in mind. All right. So. You guys head to the Cloudtop District towards the palace in the center. You were about to say something, Orion?

ORION: Nope.

MATT: Do you want to talk to Allura while you’re here, or not?


MATT: Okay.

LIAM: You should talk to her. Talk to her.

ORION: She has no interest in me.

LAURA: She looks really pretty today, Tiberius.

TRAVIS: She won’t have any interest if you don’t talk to her.

ASHLEY: It looks like she put some lip stuff on.

ORION: I’m sure Lady Kima can satisfy any needs she has.

LAURA: I think they’re just friends, darling.

LIAM: You don’t want to look back and regret what you didn’t say.

TRAVIS: (sings) Say what you need to say.

ASHLEY: (sings) Say what you need to say.

TALIESIN: Listen to the tiny disembodied head.

MARISHA: (laughs) Yeah.

ORION: We can stop by there, okay. I only have a question.

MATT: It’s nearly across the street from the palace. So you head to the ivory tower, you go ahead and you take the giant circular knocker on the door, hit it a couple times, eventually Allura comes, this time in what looks like more comfortable robes. She was caught off-guard. She has like a terry cloth or some sort of big fuzzy material, her hair’s a bit in disarray. She opens the door. “Oh. Hello. Greetings, I’m sorry, I wasn’t expecting company.”

MARISHA: What time is it?

MATT: At this point in time it’s probably about, I’d say, 11 in the morning.

LAURA: Oh, she’s a late sleeper, I like it.

MARISHA: On like a Sunday?

MATT: Sure.

MARISHA: Roughly.

MATT: Roughly, yeah.


ORION: We were about to depart on another adventure and whatnot, and I was working on an enchantment on this particular– I’ll show her what it is.

MATT: “Oh yes, yes, of course.”

ORION: It’s an enchantment that’s easily, you know, finished enough. I was wondering if in our absence, in your spare time you could probably put some time into finishing the enchantment whilst we’re away.

MATT: “That should not be a problem. I was intending to complete the circle of teleportation markings that I had promised you for your Keep in your absence. So.”

ORION: Oh! Just waiting there as well.

MATT: “I could do both while I’m there.”

ORION: Thank you so much, Allura.

MATT: “It would be my pleasure, Tiberius.”

ORION: It is– (sputtering) Well. Okay. I’ll bid you farewell. And I’ll do Prestidigitation (pfft)– a local flower, I’ll give to her. For your trouble.

MATT: A purple dandy, as it’s called, it’s like a star-like purple flower, projects itself from your hand. You hand it to her and you see she puts her hand in her face a second. “Thank you very much, Tiberius, I appreciate it.”

ORION: You’re welcome.

MATT: She touches your shoulder, gives you a smile, and then, “Best of luck. Return safely. There is– you’ve been here too short to leave so soon, so don’t stay long, please.” Closes the door.

LAURA: I shake his shoulders. Look at you!

ORION: Who knew?

LIAM: Do you want to go steady, if so check this.


ORION: Do you like me, yes, no, maybe.

MATT: All right. You guys make your way to the palace, back to the Council chambers where you met naught but two days before. The entire Council has not been summoned to this, it’s just about half of the folks there. You see the actual sovereign Uriel is not present. The individuals that are there, however, Tofor Brotorus, the female dragonborn paladin, is present. Seeker Asum Emring is present. They are both in the room, and you notice this immediately as you walk into the green meeting chamber: there are two envoys that you haven’t previously met, two humans, one male and one female, dressed in silver and blue robes, waiting patiently with their hands behind their backs, and beside them on the ground you see what looks like a large cube about maybe two feet by two feet. It’s smooth, like a chrome-like silver, the entire construct of the cube, with two chain-link handles on each side of the box. There is a very finely carved sapphire-inlaid patterned design all over this box. It looks very ornamental and like it was a painstaking process to craft. You gather immediately that this probably is the container which was sent for from Vasselheim. As you get closer, you notice the carvings almost have a snowflake-like pattern, it’s very geometric and perpetual, almost a fractal that continues throughout the entirety of the outside of the box. It’s very intricate and beautiful. As you step into the room, immediately Tofor stands up and says, “Ah. They have arrived. Good. I’m glad you all could make it. The envoys have arrived with the container for the Horn. I believe they are eager and ready to take you as their guards to see that this evil is rid of this land forever. Envoys.” And she extends her hand. They both step forward. The man, young but very soft in voice and very stern and military almost. “Hello. I am Scalebearer Vorak. I come under the Platinum Dragon and will be escorted along with you and our delivery.” As he turns to the female who steps forward, she’s older, probably in her forties, long fine hair, brown, that rests just past her shoulders. Her features are very very fine, you can see almost like there is elven blood in her but not completely, similar to your half-elf compatriots. She steps forward, her piercing green eyes hit the group immediately and she goes, “Hello. I am Scalebearer Desona, also under the Platinum Dragon and will be escorting you on this mission.” They both step back towards the box in a very ceremonial way. Everyone looks to the rest of you.

SAM: Hi, nice to meet you.

LAURA: I’m sorry, I was writing down your name, Desona, what?

SAM: Was it Vorak and Desona?

LAURA: Desona.

ORION: Hello.

SAM: Lovely to meet you. I’m Scanlan, I’m sort of the de facto leader of the group.

ORION: That is not true. I am Tiberius Stormwind, hello, nice to meet you.

SAM: My second.

TRAVIS: Everyone introduce yourself.

TALIESIN: Oh. Percival Fredrickstein Klossowski von Mussel de Rolo III. At your service.

ORION, LAURA AND TRAVIS: You can call him Percy.

TALIESIN: They call me Percy.

MATT: They look about the rest of the group.

LAURA: Hello.

SAM: Hi. And you’ll be accompanying us on this arduous journey to the nor– where are we going?

MATT: “Vasselheim, to the northwest, in the region of Othanzia.”

LAURA: Oh, yes.

MATT: “On the continent of Isilra. It’s quite a ways.”

LAURA: Are we taking a skyship?

SAM: We’re taking an airship of some sort.

MATT: “Yes, a skyship is to be provided.” They look at the Council, and the Council nods to themselves and you can see Seeker Emring steps forward. “Yes, yes, a skyship will be provided, waiting for you at the skyport here in the Cloudtop District. We’re just awaiting one more.” As he says that, the door opens again, and you can see Lady Kima steps in. No longer in the gold armor that she had found– scavenged from the interior, she’s now dressed in proper silver and blue inlaid plate mail.

MARISHA: Who is this?

LAURA: Lady Kima!


MATT: She is wearing the same colors as the two envoys, you can see now the silver and blue theme of Bahamut is very much on display in this traveling crew. “Sorry I’m late, had to get ready.”

LAURA: You look wonderful, Lady Kima.

TRAVIS: Yeah, you look wonderful, Lady Kima.

MATT: “Thank you, thank you.”

TALIESIN: Quite, quite.

MATT: “Well, I. Do we have–” She looks about the rest of the group with a look of somewhat kind of– “Do we have the artifact?”


SAM: Were we supposed to bring that?

TRAVIS: I have it.

MATT: The two Scalebearers reach over and both at the same time place their hands on the top of this chest. You can see their fingers slip into these small holes on the sides and they lift, and the box scrapes with this high-pitched metal-against-metal scraping sound, opening up a chamber on the inside. You can see the interior also has the same similar scrolling carvings and engraving on the inside of the box that you saw on the outside. There is a slight hum almost, like a slight vibrational sound coming from the inside of the box. Kima looks to you guys expectantly. “Shall we place the artifact in its container?”

TRAVIS: Oh, I’ll get it. I reach in–

LAURA: No no no, Grog Grog Grog. No.

TALIESIN: No no no no. Tiberius, if you would be so kind.

LAURA: Mage Hand?

ORION: Oh, yeah. I’ll hold the thing up?


LAURA: We’re putting it in the box, yeah?

TALIESIN: Putting it in the box.


MATT: So it takes a moment. The use of Mage Hand in a Bag of Holding is a very meticulous process, because the Bag of Holding responds to the thought command of what you’re reaching for the moment you reach in with your physical hand. Using it as an arcane tether it’s almost like reaching through jello to get there, so you have to really concentrate to get it through. Eventually the Mage Hand takes hold of something. You feel the tingling of something weighty in the grasp of your arcane focus and as you lift out, there aloft you can see the dark, twisted Horn of Orcus. As it’s removed, this is the first time the Council’s really seen it at this point, and there’s an audible leaving of breath in the room, everyone at its presence.

LAURA: Yeah, it’s pretty horrible.

ORION: Okay.


ORION: Hold on a second. We’re putting this in the container, right?

TRAVIS: Yeah, the box, the magic box.


ORION: I put it inside the Bag of Holding real quick.

LAURA: Back in the Bag of Holding?

ORION: Yes. I’m going to take off a tiny piece of one of my tickets of Telescription, and I’m going to enchant it and I want to attempt to do an enchantment spell where– I want to put it at the bottom of where I’m going to–

LAURA: The box?

ORION: – the box, and if it’s, if any weight is lifted from it, I’ll know. Like, if there’s the old switcheroo somehow–

LIAM: God, I so wish we still had the troll dick right now.

ORION: Oh man. Because I would’ve used the troll dick instead.

MATT: It is already enchanted. To re-enchant it is a difficult process, plus enchanting anything would take time. It’s essentially an Alarm spell, you could do it, but it would take probably half a day.

TRAVIS: I think we can trust them.

ORION: Okay.

LAURA: Plus adding extra runes in there might jack up the enchantment they already put in the box.

ORION: It’s a tiny piece of paper.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I think we’re good.

ORION: But fine, if I can’t do it then, I just wanted to say.

MATT: Right, it’s fine.

ORION: I put it in there.

ASHLEY: That was a good idea.

MATT: I mean, if you had an Alarm spell at your disposal too, that would be what the enchantment’s based. I don’t know if you learned Alarm, did you?

ORION: Not yet.

MATT: Yeah. So.

ORION: It’s okay.

MATT: That’d be a little different.

ORION: So I put it in the thing.

MATT: Okay. As the Horn gets lowered into it, you can see the runes on the inside of the box begin to glow and come to life with this soft golden-yellow hue, and the Horn seems to be (sss) pulled into the box and held aloft in the center. Your Mage Hand no longer has any sway on it, it is locked in place, just in the center of the box, no seeming physical anything holding it. It’s locked there. There’s almost this creaking sound of air in there fighting between cold and hot, you can hear like, (creaking), there’s a small physical battle between the temperatures as they take the lid and lift it over and seal it shut. The two Bearers lift the chains on the side and lift the box between the two of them. Kima looks about the rest of you. “So. Onward?”

SAM: Kima, you’re coming with us as well?

MATT: “Damn right. I haven’t been back to my temple in quite some time. It will be good to see Vord.”

ORION: Kima, I’m wondering, who do we speak to? Who flies the ship?

MATT: “I don’t know. I haven’t taken a skyship in quite a while.”

LAURA: I’m excited!

TRAVIS: I know, I’ve never been on one!

MARISHA: I know.

ORION: If we could, maybe we should ask if they could stop at Kraghammer for a second, we could drop in and get our money really quick.

TALIESIN: On the way back, I think. Once the Horn is off the ship.

LAURA: Probably best not to bring it there, yeah.

ORION: You know, yeah, we can use the airship later on for stuff.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah.

ORION: Which is cool.

LAURA: (laughs) Which is cool.

ORION: We have an airship.

MARISHA: What is this airship made out of?

ORION: Air and ships.

LAURA: And wood and magic.

TRAVIS: It only floats a couple feet off the ground, it’s not that big of a deal.

SAM: I pull Vex aside for one second.


SAM: Yes. Before we go on this quick journey. We trust all the people who are sending this along this journey, right? We trust the Council?

LAURA: I believe so. I mean, we did a few insight type things last time, but I mean, we can do some more.

SAM: No no no.

ASHLEY: (quietly) But what about the… they sent the new guards.

SAM: Huh?

LAURA: I think we should definitely talk up the new guards and see what kind of people they are when we’re on our way to the ship, how about that?

SAM: All right. Good to go.

TRAVIS: Brother on the guy, sister on the girl?

LAURA: Or Scanlan on one.


SAM: I’ll take the girl.

LAURA: I’ll take the guy.

TALIESIN: Oh dear.

MATT: All right. You guys make your way out of the palace towards the northwestern side of the Cloudtop District, and what you’ve seen is there is one thicker tower that is part of the wall that surrounds the Cloudtop District, what is essentially the bastion of defense for the inner part of the city. There are these small pillars that hold up the wall, there is one that’s very thick, and you’ve seen only a couple of skyships travel to and from, you don’t see them in use very often. Usually for very specific modes of travel or reasonings are these employed. But you can see this large tower that has a spiral staircase in the interior that occasionally lets out to these small windows across the entire length of it as it rises up hundreds of feet to the very top of the tower that surrounds this district. On the top you can see there is a platform that extends outward on both sides of the wall and you can just barely make out the top of what looks like some sort of construct there. As you make your way, following Kima up the long spiral staircase, eventually though it seems way too long to be traveling up a very thick spiral staircase, you come to what looks like a trapdoor, almost, like a wooden trapdoor. Kima (hrah) lifts it over (ting ting), you can hear it slap on the other side, some of the chains clinking against the stonework, and daylight comes careening into this spiral staircase. You all step out to the top and immediately are hit with the wind. This high up, there’s definitely a breeze that blows through, your hair being tossed a bit.



LAURA: This is crazy!

TRAVIS: I’m bald.

MATT: You see roughly five individuals standing, all in gold and white armor of various types, and they are seemingly employees. They are currently standing, waiting for you. There is one individual that is more adorned in what looks like a captain’s uniform, if you will, and above them, with a bunch of ropes hanging from the sides of it, you can see what looks like a large, beautifully crafted wooden ship that has golden scrolling, this beautiful elven-like golden scrolling across the entire underside of this wooden ship. You don’t see propellers, you see what looks like two almost wing-like protrusions on the sides of it, almost like two fans that open up that are probably used to guide pitch. At the very front of it, you can see what looks to be in the center of the ship one large ten to 15 foot-wide blue crystal that is embedded in the front of the ship and on the back two more that are currently attached to the back side. These stones slowly rotate in place where they are, and you can see there’s this slight hum of arcane energy that seems to emanate from them. You can immediately gather that these three blue stones are what holds the ship aloft. Silent and beautiful.

LAURA: Awesome!

MATT: As you guys begin to walk up towards this ship, looming about 15 or 20 feet in the air, the individuals in front of you all of a sudden glance over and notice, and the captain steps forward, reaches out his hand. “Hi. I’m glad you could finally make it. We’ve been waiting for a good 30 minutes. I’m Captain Damon, I would like to welcome you aboard the skyship Deera. We are traveling across the ocean, it’s approximately a week’s worth of travel. We have provisions provided for you. Do you have any questions?”

LAURA: Captain Damon?

MATT: “Yes?”

LAURA: Just making sure I got your name.

MARISHA: And like Skipper Veera? Who was?

SAM: Airship. The airship’s called Deera. Deera?

MATT: Deera.

MARISHA: Oh, the airship.

ASHLEY: I go up to Captain Damon and I put out my hand and I say, “Captain Damon, it is a very– pleasure is all mine.”

MATT: Sturdy shake.

ASHLEY: I was a deckhand on the Broken Howl and we heard of many adventures that you had, and maybe you’ve heard of the Broken Howl, maybe you haven’t, but–

MATT: “No, but I’m willing to hear.”

ASHLEY: It’s a pleasure to ride on an airship, so thanks.

MATT: “Oh, it’s a pleasure to have you. Keep everything away from the sides.”

MARISHA: I was about to say, I run over to the side and look over the edge before he says that.

MATT: You guys are still on the platform, he hasn’t led you up to the ship yet.

MARISHA: Does the platform have like a ledge I can look over?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Like the Empire State Building?

MATT: Yeah, you can do that.

MARISHA: I want to do that.

MATT: Okay, as you do that, “You really shouldn’t do– she shouldn’t do that.”

MARISHA: Guys, this is really high!

MATT: “She really shouldn’t do that, I don’t–”

LAURA: Keyleth, it’s really windy!

TALIESIN: It’s all right, she can fly.

TRAVIS: I run up behind her and I grab her shoulders to scare her.

MARISHA: I climb up on the ledge.

MATT: Okay, as you’re climbing up on the ledge, Grog comes over and goes, “Boo!” and shoves you and gives you a scare.


TRAVIS: Did you pee a little?

MARISHA: A little bit.

MATT: At which point you can see the captain’s like (panting).

LAURA: Don’t worry, Captain Damon, they’re–

MARISHA: Guys, guys you should try–

ASHLEY: She can fly.

MARISHA: Grog, hold the edge of my shirt, I want to feel like I’m flying for a second.


MARISHA: Woo-hoo-hoo!

MATT: “If we could all please make our way to the ship, we will leave post-haste.”

MARISHA: Guys, you should try this!

MATT: He slowly facepalms and glances sidelong to you and goes, “A week. We have a week.”

LAURA: A week. Yes.

MATT: “All right.”

LIAM: You have flown before. You do remember that, right?

MARISHA: I know, but I’m always an animal.

ORION: That’s true. As they’re doing this, I want to go to the opposite end so I can get like– because this is beautiful, and I want to hold out my staff and I–

LAURA: Are you going to take a selfie?

ORION: And I’m going to cast Image Capture–

ASHLEY: Selfie staff.

SAM: Image Capture?


SAM: That’s a thing?

ORION: It is in Draconia.

MARISHA: Selfie staff!

LAURA: Are we taking selfies?

MARISHA: Yes, we are.

ORION: Getting all of them and the airship while they’re doing it.

MATT: You use your Prestidigitation to temporarily capture an image of yourself at the edge of the top of the tower.

ORION: And the airship is in it too.

MATT: In doing so, the DM imposes disadvantage on your next two rolls.

ALL: Ohh!

MATT: No, it’s fine, it’s fine.

SAM: Nobody likes a selfie.

MATT: I just hate selfie sticks so much.

ASHLEY: Well, what about selfie staffs?

LAURA: Selfie staffs, though.

TRAVIS: They are the worst.

MARISHA: Selfie staff.

MATT: I’ll let it pass. It’s temporary.

ORION: Look, everyone.

LAURA: Oh, that’s a good one, that’s a really good one.

MARISHA: That’s a good one.

MATT: You hear this loud whistle, this (wheee-ooo), and the captain you see is blowing on this loud metal whistle around his neck. “All aboard! On to the Deera, folks.” And everyone starts climbing up the ropes that are underneath the ship.

LAURA: Oh, ropes.

ASHLEY: If you guys need any help, I can totally help. Just so you know.

ORION: (laughs) I can totally do it.

SAM: Captain Damon, just morbid curiosity. Are you married? Do you have a steady girl?

MATT: He looks at you with surprise, confusion, worry, shakes his head out of misunderstanding. “What?”

SAM: Never mind, we’ll talk later.

MATT: “All right.” He looks entirely side-blasted by that, he was not expecting that question. Nothing negative, just really confused. So as you all climb your way to the deck, you get on top of it and it is– the whole deck has this strange, slow-floating sensation and once you’re on the deck you can hear this crackling hum around the large blue stones holding it aloft.

LAURA: Wait, how did Trinket get up if we had to climb ropes?

MATT: We will say (laughs) there are ways, and if you ask this question, how’d they get Trinket up, they go ahead–

ORION: Winches.

LAURA: Winches.

MATT: I was going to say, no, the captain gets back on the ship, goes off to the side, and what you didn’t notice on the far end of the platform there is like a large crane-like structure.


MATT: They actually raise up Trinket in a small sling-like contraption.

LAURA: You’re okay, darling!

MATT: (worried bear noises) As Trinket’s– it was bad enough trying to fly when you guys were in the Underdark.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Now just paddling in the air absentmindedly as the crane contraption brings Trinket back over and lowers him onto the deck of the airship Deera.

LAURA: All right, all right.

MATT: Eventually releasing. Trinket’s now on board and looks noticeably uncomfortable and is in the center of the ship sitting down.

LIAM: Does that when he’s nervous. Don’t mind him, talk to him.

MATT: “All right. Everyone on board?”

SAM: Yes.


MATT: “All right. To your quarters underneath. We set out now to Vasselheim.” He blows his whistle a second time. All the hands separate, most of them go underneath the deck.

LAURA: Where’s the box, where’s the box. Are we keeping an eye on the box?

MATT: Yes, you can see now the two Scalebearers are carrying the box underneath, and on the deck you can see there are doorways that lead into various levels underneath the deck of the ship, there is a large cargo lattice section in the middle of the ship where they’re putting larger things down below, there is the actual wheel of the ship is on the back end, on the elevated back end of the entire ship, and that’s where the captains stands up to as the rest of the hands bring all the ropes up from the side.

LAURA: I want to stay on top, but I feel like I should go to keep an eye on the box and see and make sure.

MATT: It’s up to you guys. But as the ropes are brought up, everyone gives a thumbs-up on the sides, he reaches the front of the ship’s wheel, you see he takes something from his neck and places it into the center of the wheel, at which point the three blue stones spark with additional life. The humming gets louder, the ship lurches for a second, and begins to lift upward with this slow, gradual sensation. All of you at once, your stomach gets that butterfly sensation for a second, at which point the captain leans forward, the actual wheel moves forward slightly, and the whole ship (whoosh) lurches forward, up and over Emon, and those of you who are on the deck, you can look below you over the side, you can see the entirety of Emon from above slowly drift away as the endless ocean of the Ozmit Sea comes towards you, clouds ahead, beginning your trek to the distant land.

SAM: I can see my Keep from here!

MATT: And you can, you can.

MARISHA: Can we see Castle Greyskull?

MATT: You can see, it’s a little blip from here and it’s slowly vanishing, but you can definitely see it.

MARISHA: Hi, Greyskull Keep!

TALIESIN: We’ve gotten to sleep there for two days.

LAURA: Oh, wow.

MARISHA: I know, bye!

MATT: All right, and on that note we’ll go ahead and take our bathroom break real fast, take a bio rest.

TRAVIS: Five minutes?

MATT: This will be about ten minutes, because I haven’t actually eaten yet either, I haven’t had time to eat the wonderful food that you guys provided. Thank you again for dinner.

LAURA: Oh, go get food.

MARISHA: Thank you for the food, it’s so good.

MATT: Chat bought us an amazing spread. Uh-oh, Overlords.

ZAC: You guys can go on your break.

MATT: He’s got this, we’ll see you guys in a moment.


ZAC: I got this.

MATT: All right.

ZAC: I got it. Guys, we have one more Soul Hunters key to give away, and I think we’re just nine subs from that. We are nine subs away from doing another book, signed book, and signed photo giveaway as well, and that’ll, huh? Eight, now. I stand corrected. Guys, thank you for tuning in. You can still donate to 826LA if they can post that donation link in the chatroom for you. We will not be reading donations tonight from anything less than $20, just so we’re not here for another hour, because that’s– it’s a lot of messages, so $20 and up and we’ll read it.

MARISHA: We didn’t plug 826 at the top, either.

ZAC: We did not plug 826 at the top, so.

MARISHA: So yeah, for those of you who might be new, those of you who are veterans, you already know, but 826LA is our charity of choice. They are a after-school non-profit program for kids K-12th grade, and they focus on creative writing and imaginative storytelling and they’re right up our alley, and they have awesome storefronts. They have the one in Mar Vista and the one in Echo Park if you are LA local, and there’s probably an 826 in your area.

ZAC: Why don’t you and I go film a video with them at their storefront that we could play in the in-between parts of the show?

MARISHA: Yes, we need that, I messaged them about that and they’re totally down.

ZAC: Let’s do it.

MARISHA: So yeah.

ZAC: So we’ll hopefully have a video for you guys soon that could show you a little bit about 826LA and who they are so we put a face to the organization that you guys are donating to. The other thing I would like to say is– Lucas, we’re 200 away from 4,000?

MARISHA: What what!

ZAC: Right?

Lucas: 207.

ZAC: 207 to be technical. If we get to 4,000 subs by the end of tonight, I will come up with something crazy, because that’s a crazy goal. It’s stupid-crazy. I know there’s a lot of you watching. Just so you guys know, this channel runs off subscriptions, that is how we pay our hosts, that’s how we keep the lights turned on, that is how we do everything. We have a lot of shows on this channel, lots of different types of content. We have shows about movies, we have shows about comic books, it’s very different for a Twitch channel. We’re trying to do things a lot differently. That being said, we don’t accept donations, all donations go to charity 100%. We do not take any percentage of charity donations, so subscriptions are the way that this channel keeps running. If you like this show, and you like our other programming, you should subscribe, that’s what keeps us going. We’re trying to get to 7,000 subscribers, because that’s what will make us break even and start being able to experiment with newer and much larger programming outside of what you already see here. So if we get to 4,000 by the end of tonight… Man, what’s something crazy that I could do? What’s that, Liam?

LIAM: Streak!

ZAC: Streak? Thanks, Liam. Yeah, that’s great. Not a good idea. We want that Twitch channel to continue on, not get shut down immediately. What if, here’s a crazy goal, because I know it’s like 200 away, that’s almost impossible, but if we get there, I will make, and just so you guys know, I made the Critical Role intro video, so I could make a music video from the cast of Vox Moronica set within their world with a song that Alex, Ify and I could come up with and then we could film a music video basically talking about our escapades that continued on after the show the other night. That seems crazy enough, that seems crazy enough, that’s a crazy goal. It would be fun. But pretty crazy and ridiculous. So I could do that, and I could have all of our Critical Role guests featured in the video as their characters in some way. So 200. Piece of cake, right? Piece of cake. Yeah, we could get 200 subs. Sure. Not a problem. Right, guys? I’m going to ask that Lucas roll a couple commercials, because those commercials help the channel as well. And after that, we’ll roll a couple of those intro videos and come right back for you guys.

[dramatic music]

Part IIEdit

MATT: Welcome back. We have eaten, we have had drinks, we have used the restroom, and now we return to adventure. While we were gone, I hear that there was a ridiculous thing that our wondrous Overlord put as a subscriber opportunity.

ZAC: I’m going to regret it!

MARISHA: What? What happened?

MATT: If we somehow get to 4,000–

ZAC: We’ve already gotten 70 subs since I announced it.

MATT: Okay, so if we get to 4,000 subs tonight, we’re going to have Ify and people of the Vox Moronica crew, that did our quick little one-shot at the DM episode, create a rap and shoot a music video that will include us.

LIAM: Come on, guys, one time offer. You’re going to let it slip through your fingers?

TALIESIN: We’re going to do that?

MARISHA: That’ll include us?

MATT: That’ll include us in it some way.

MARISHA: We’re going to shoot a rap video?

TALIESIN: We’re going to shoot a rap video?

MATT: If they get to 4,000–

MARISHA: By the end of the show?

MATT: – subscribers, yeah, by the end of the show.

ORION: Can we do it like it’s from 1993?

ZAC: Oh, I’m going to do it however the fuck I want to do it, and I can guarantee that Vox Moronica will look much better in the video than you guys will.

LAURA: Why would we agree to it?

LIAM: It’s just so crazy it might work.

ASHLEY: (gasps) Oh! Is this a challenge?

MARISHA: Oh, is this going to be like a role reversal thing? In like an alternate universe?

MATT: I think the Overlord just threw down the gauntlet of Vox Moronica looking better than Vox Machina in the music video.

LAURA: I think it’s on.

TALIESIN: I think he underestimates how naturally pretty we all are.

MARISHA: (laughing) Yeah.

MATT: I think we’re underestimating how naturally ridiculous that crew is, so it is a good challenge. It’s a tough call.

LIAM: Classic dwarven fundraising technique!

MATT: Thank you kindly, my dear. DM presents are nice. It’s delicious brandy, thank you.

MARISHA: Oh wait, didn’t we have cake? I want that cake up in here. Are we going to wait?

MATT: (sings) You want this cake? I want it! You want this cake? I want it.

LAURA: It’s special.

MATT: Sorry, a little internet there for you.

LIAM: Make me a glass of that grog?

LAURA: Nope, none for you, darling.

ASHLEY: Take a sipsy?

MATT: All right folks. Welcome back. Let’s get back into the swing of things. Quick reminder, every 50 subscribers we give out a signed player’s handbook and a signed cast photo. We also have the shirts for sale on the Teespring.

MARISHA: Get some shirts.


SAM: Shirts, shirts, shirts! Two weeks and counting. 13 days left.

MARISHA: We forgot to wear one of ours, but they’re cool.

ORION: Are they out now?


ORION: Oh, cool!

MARISHA: We made those in honor of E3.

MATT: Soul Hunter keys have been going away, but for those who missed it earlier there’s a new app out called Soul Hunters that I did some voices on and if you download the game and put in the promo code “criticalrole,” one word, you get a free character that I voiced as well so check it out.


MARISHA: By the way, I will say, Soul Hunters is a misleading title because that sounds dark and ominous and it’s a super cute game.

TRAVIS: Oh, that’s a weird choice then.

MARISHA: Yeah, wouldn’t you think it sounds dark and ominous? It’s super cute. It’s like with cute chibi RPG characters.

MATT: Yeah, no, there’s no more keys. It’s just the promo code you can use now.

TRAVIS: Weird. Cool choice. Strange, though.

MARISHA: Yeah, I know.

MATT: All right, so. Returning back. You guys are now traversing the extended Ozmit Sea towards Othanzia upon the skyship Deera.

ORION: How many days away are we now?

MATT: I’d say, we’ll start it about two days into the journey.

TALIESIN: I’m going to spend that time reading my book.

MARISHA: Yeah, and me too. I’ll read books.

MATT: Okay, you guys take time studying. We’ll say you probably have a few more days of eight-hour days studying, going about eight to ten hours a day if you want to take in the reading books you got.

MARISHA: I’ll also go ahead and– oh you have this book! Are you reading that book?

TALIESIN: I’m reading that book.

MARISHA: I’m going to make a few scrolls in my time as well. What should I make scrolls for, guys? What’s handy to have?

SAM: Oh, well, when you made me something once that was really cool but I think that was a spell.

MARISHA: What’s handy to have? Well, yeah, I can make spells into scrolls.

TRAVIS: Can you make something so that if we fall out of the sky we don’t die?

SAM: Hey, you know what we always need? What we always need?

TALIESIN: Anti-petrify?

SAM: How to carry Trinket on the goddamn carpet.

LAURA: Oh yeah!

MARISHA: Right, okay you’re talking about the Levitation and stuff.

LAURA: Well, you guys can shrink him, you have Polymorph.

MARISHA: Oh yeah, that’s true.

SAM: Yeah, but we’re always like one body short of being able to pile onto the carpet.

ASHLEY: Can’t we add a little bit extra square footage to the magic carpet?

MATT: Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way.

MARISHA: I’ll make a Polymorph scroll and give it to–

LIAM: What about a steampunk rocket pack for the bear?

MARISHA: This isn’t World of Warcraft.

TALIESIN: I’m working on it. I’m working on it. I’m working on it!

ORION: How many can you make?

MARISHA: Well I can make– I just put whatever spells I’ve learned for the day, I can put those– depending on the level, like a 3rd-level spell scroll will take me four to six hours, so the higher the spell, the longer it takes. So, if I spend two days I can probably make four scrolls? Four or five scrolls?

LAURA: I like it.

MARISHA: Yeah, that’s some pretty good shit. So I’ll definitely make a Polymorph scroll for you.

LAURA: Thank you!

MATT: Let me first double-check about the time process. Creating a scroll…

MARISHA: That’s the way it was in Pathfinder, I am using Pathfinder rules.

LAURA: I’m getting so many things added to my inventory during this game.

MARISHA: I know! (singing) We went shopping!

LAURA: This is exciting. I got arrows, I got scrolls. I have a question about Trinket’s new armor.

MATT: Yes?

LAURA: It has an area for me to ride on him still, right? Like the other armor? I forgot to mention it to her.

MATT: (laughs) I mean, there’s not like a saddle or anything.

LAURA: But the last one had a divot thing so I could fit.

MATT: Yeah. It’s built off the design of the original armor that you had customized so, yeah, that’s still there.

TRAVIS: Is there a bow on this ship? Like a front, pointy part?

MATT: Yes, there is.

TRAVIS: Pike and I would like to go to the front of the ship and I would like to stand at the front and put my arms out.

ASHLEY: And I’m going to hold his waist.

TRAVIS: And I’m going to shout: I’m the goliath of the world!

LIAM: Oh, he fell right off the front.

TRAVIS: No I did not!


TRAVIS: Oh, thank you Pike! I feel like I’m flying!

ASHLEY: You are! You are!

LIAM: Look at the guns on that gnome!

ORION: I can spend the days crafting and then wouldn’t I just need whatever gold that would be?

MATT: You mean just crafting the jewelry element of it?

ORION: Yeah, because the enchantment’s– that’s over there. I’m just not doing anything else.

MATT: You didn’t bring any crafting tools with you for that. Crafting jewelry requires a specific set of tools. Yeah, unfortunately. When you touch down, you can try to find somebody in the vicinity. The journey, here, y'know.

ORION: Yeah, airship.


MATT: Yes?

LIAM: Since Vax has nothing really to prepare ever and he’s in obviously peak physical condition, I’m going to spend the trip helping Keyleth and if she needs any ingredients for whatever she’s doing, I’ll go get them, I’ll hold things up for her, I’m just going to hang out and try to help her get things done.

LAURA: You’re so helpful, brother.

MARISHA: It’s like I have a little familiar. A scroll-making familiar!

MATT: All right, not bad, not bad.

LAURA: I thought you were into Gilmore, darling.


LIAM: I’m hard to pin down.

MATT: For the time being, because I don’t want to spend too much time with the internet watching me scan through the books to find the rules for scroll crafting.

LIAM: That’s the best part.

MATT: Well, yeah. I’ll say for the time being, it’ll take you about half a day to make the Polymorph scroll and the material components that are required for the spell putting into the actual scroll would run you about 300 gold, I’ll say. Oh, 400 gold because it’s a 4th-level spell isn’t it? What level spell is Polymorph?


MATT: Okay, 400 gold.

MARISHA: Okay, how much gold do we have left anyway?

LAURA: Well, I mean, I can use my personal but we have very little party funds.

MARISHA: Okay, so I still have a little personal money left too.

MATT: I’m sure it’ll be different later but whatever. They’re on a ship so it’s hard to get the materials.

SAM: It’s fine, we’ll be fine. Don’t waste your money.

MARISHA: No, it’s okay. No, I’m going to do it. That’s what money’s for. I’m going to do two Polymorph spells.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: And give one to Vex and one to Tiberius.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: All right, I’m taking 400 gold out of my personal.

MARISHA: And I’ll take 400 out of mine.

ORION: Oh, I still have mine. I can give you 400.

MARISHA: You’ll give me 400? All right.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: I’m spending most of the time up near Captain Damon, watching him work.

MATT: He seems very focused on keeping the ship going. He does steer you around one thunderstorm that’s rolling by and takes you on the wide angle around. It’s very relaxing up here, a little cold. But it’s relaxing. Let’s say, the beginning of day three, as you all are resting underneath the hold, you’re all shaken awake by a sudden lurching of the ship. It just shifts in such a heavy way that you aren’t expecting it. All of you are pulled out of your stupor for a second and begin coming out of your individual rooms to check on each other and see what happened, but apparently the ship is or was– some sort of a shuddering physicality to it.

TRAVIS: I rush to the box.

SAM: I rush to Captain Damon. What the hell just happened? Also, are you married?

MATT: All right, so you rush straight to the box and as you go to open the door that leads to the boxes, you can see, in the room, is Kima and both of the Scalebearers are there, reaching for weapons as the door opens. They see you and relax for a second and Kima goes like, “What was that? What was that?”

TRAVIS: I was going to ask you the same thing.


MATT: “I have no idea.”

ORION: I rush up to the bow.

MARISHA: I also rush to the deck.

MATT: Okay, as you guys are rushing up along with Scanlan– everyone else rushes up– you come to the surface and you’re just cresting into sunrise, like the sky itself is mostly dark on one side with the blue slowly leading into a bright orange-ish yellow to the other side as the morning light is starting to slowly crest over the horizon. As you get to the surface you immediately notice there are a handful of large, winged creatures that are currently harrying the side of the boat. As you step to the surface you see (shhw) one just dives past you real fast. You notice as one of them takes off in the distance– it was just a blur of quick-moving wings– it looks dragon-like in its physicality but it’s smaller than any dragon you’ve encountered. It’s flapping giant wings and lets out a screech as it takes off, but it looks like there’s something on its back.


MATT: You see two to three more of these now starting to divebomb.

SAM: It’s Daenerys!

MATT: You can see the rest of the deckhands are up there now, with weapons ready, and are starting to fight some of these off.

LAURA: Can we use any kind of perception to see if the things on them are controlling them?

MATT: Go ahead and make a perception check.

LAURA: I get plus two for any dragon-y things.

MATT: Good to know!

SAM: Tiberius, your brothers are here!

ORION: I don’t think I’m associated with these.

LAURA: 19.

MATT: 19. Glancing at the backs of these–

LIAM: (garbled) 26!

MATT: What did you say?


LIAM: 26.

MATT: 26. All right, between the two of you, you notice that even in this low-light circumstance, there appear to be on three of these winged, dragon-like creatures smallish, humanoid entities that are on small, almost leather strapped saddles that are put on the sides of this creature. They’re clutching onto it and each one is carrying some sort of large, spear-like weapon. There is a fourth one in the distance that does not appear to be dragonoid. This one appears to be feather-covered in its physical form.

MARISHA: Feather-covered?

ORION: There’s a big large one, right though?

MATT: Yes. Which, at this moment, we are going to roll initiative.

MARISHA: Can I do a nature check?

MATT: You can.

LAURA: Okay, okay, okay, okay.

ORION: I cast Blur before any of that shit. I didn’t get to say what I wanted to do.

TALIESIN: Ugh. That’s the worst initiative I am capable of having.

SAM: I’m just going to keep rolling until I get a better number.

MARISHA: Do I do a nature roll first or should I do an initiative roll first?

SAM: Wow.

TRAVIS: Sweet.

MARISHA: Can I do a nature check first?

MATT: First, I want to place you guys. So you guys are coming up from below, so I would probably put you–

LAURA: Oh my God look at the ship!


MARISHA: Cool, look at that!

SAM: Oh, I like that.

TRAVIS: Dude, that’s pretty.

LAURA: Look at the crystals!

SAM: Oh, wow. I like how all of our viewers are just looking at our midsections.

LIAM: Aw, I’ve got to turn on Twitch so I can see it.

MARISHA: Turn on Twitch, turn on Twitch!

MATT: Oh, Liam.

TRAVIS: Here, I’ll pick you up. Don’t do it. Ready?

LAURA: It looks like the crystals are really 3D in the picture.

ASHLEY: (gasps) Matt!

LIAM: Well, the Twitch, the Twitch is up.

LAURA: That’s amazing!

LIAM: (gasps) This is like that Jabba’s Cruiser game that came out.

TRAVIS: Totally.

LIAM: Anybody, anybody?



SAM: Yes. Yeah sure, that.

TRAVIS: (whisper) Return of the Jedi.

MATT: All righty, so.

LAURA: Oh my gosh. Whoa.

MATT: As you guys come up to the surface, you can see these three entities swooping around and dive-bombing the remainder of the guard and deckhands that are now, currently, have haphazard armor on and they’re trying to strike at these things as they swing by. Let’s go ahead and roll initiative, folks.

TRAVIS: Did it.

MARISHA: Oh, that’s not bad, that’s all right. I’ll take that.

MATT: So, we have 25 to 20?

LAURA: 22.

MATT: 22.

LIAM: 20.

MATT: Who else had their hand up?

LAURA: 20.

MATT: Okay, so 20. All right. 20 to 15?

ORION: 19.


LIAM: 20.

LAURA: (laughs) He heard you.

TRAVIS: We already got your 20.

SAM: We got your damn 20.


MATT: Hold on.

TRAVIS: 19, 19.

MATT: 17, you said, Keyleth?


MATT: All right. 15 to ten?

TRAVIS: 15 to ten?

MATT: Ten to five?


SAM: Eight.

TRAVIS: Look at Percy.

LAURA: What did you get?

SAM: We always get the lowest.

ASHLEY: What up, four?

MATT: Yeah. (laughs)

ASHLEY: Hey, it’s not bad for the cleric to go last.

LAURA: That’s true!

MATT: All right. So, top of the round. Vex, you’ve got this.

LAURA: Okay! I’m going to do– they’re all far away from each other, aren’t they?

MATT: They’re all pretty spread out now, yeah. They’re all recouping from what looked like a coordinated attack, and you can see, there appears to be– what you normally see are about four to five deckhands. There’s only three up there right now with Captain Damon.

LAURA: Jeez Louise.

MATT: They’re either sleeping or not currently in the battle.

ORION: What color are the dragons?

MATT: From what you can tell, the dragon-like creatures– which, as you get a better look at these moment, you know these. A large number of the Draconian army utilizes these as mounts. These are wyverns, and they are all in a ruddy, brown, brass-like coloration to their form. Best you can tell in this light. All right. Vex, what are you doing?

LAURA: I am going to Hunter’s Mark one of the ones with the rider on them.

MATT: Okay. All of them have a rider, it seems.

LAURA: Oh, all of them?


LAURA: Even the one with feathers?

MATT: Even the one with feathers.

LAURA: I’ll go for the feathered one, then.

MATT: All right. Hunter’s Mark.

LAURA: Hunter’s Mark! Hunter’s ring.

MATT: Hunter’s ring. All right.

LAURA: And I’m going to Hail of Thorns him at a level three.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Yeah?

MATT: What’s the range of that?

LAURA: It just says a ranged weapon.

MATT: So whatever your weapon’s range is. What’s your weapon’s range for your longbow?

LAURA: That is a really good question. I’m going to run forward.

MATT: All right. How far are you going to run?

LAURA: That looks about right.

MATT: That’s as far as you can go with your movement.

LAURA: Yeah. That means I can duck against one of those walls where the stairs is, right?

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: Okay, cool.

MATT: It will help you out with that. All right, so the range of the longbow comes to 150– yeah, you’re fine.

LAURA: So a regular attack.

MATT: Yep, so roll for attack on him.

LAURA: 17.

MATT: 17 does hit.

LAURA: Yes! Okay, so regular attack and then also thorn attack, right?

MATT: Yep. So you go ahead and roll damage for the spell at level three.

LAURA: And three. 23 plus my regular 14.

MATT: Nice, so a total of 37? Nice! Is that a radial explosion?

LAURA: Yeah, so that should get him and the rider on the Hail of Thorns part.

MATT: Good, so the rider itself also takes the damage. All right, so as you release the arrow, (ssch) it arcs through the air, and you see the wind itself is very strong at this point in the morning, but you still manage, thanks to your training and the magical nature of the arrow that you fire, strikes true, slamming into the side of this giant– and you can see it now, flying, with this beaked eagle-like head. This is a griffon. You’ve seen them occasionally, usually wild, and you stay away from them. This one appears to be used and harnessed as a mount. However, the arrow slams into it and detonates with a spray of magical thorns. You can see it recoils back, giving this (screech) sound.

LAURA: Oh! Hunter’s Mark! I said it. Three additional damage for Hunter’s Mark on that.

MATT: All right. Great. (laughs) So that’s your bonus action and your first attack. You get a second normal attack, too.

LAURA: Oh, shit! Awesome. Let’s do it.

TRAVIS: It just explodes in thorns. It’s not a fire arrow?


LAURA: That is a 24.

MATT: 24 definitively hits.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Against the griffon, as well?


MATT: All right.


MATT: Ten damage, all right. Got it. So as the griffon’s reeling back and trying to flap away, a second arrow strikes it in its side. It screeches again in pain and begins to rise up over the actual area. Ooh, I get to use these again.

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MATT: I love it.

LAURA: I love it!

MATT: All right. So that ends your turn. I believe you’ve moved and done everything else. All righty.

LAURA: Oh, I didn’t move Trinket at all.

MATT: You can move Trinket if you want, still.

LAURA: I want him to be near me.

MATT: Okay, Trinket moves up to you, ready to guard angrily.

LAURA: Yeah, but blocking on the wall.

MATT: Up in here?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: All right. That ends your turn. Next up, these guards all shift over to these three emplacements over here. You have large, defensive bolts that are locked into the sides of the ship and they go ahead and they reach over in the barrel and you can see they take one out, and each one of these giant bolts has a rope attached to the end of it, and they start loading it into it, pulling back to prepare it for an attack. It takes their entire turn to do that, but now they’re at the ready to strike out against whatever they can manage to aim on.

TRAVIS: Is that also at the front of the ship, is that what that is?

MATT: One on the front ship there, and one on each side there. That ends their turn. Vax, you’re up.

LIAM: All right, I’m running up right behind my sister’s shoulder and because of my Assassinate perk I have advantage on this because they haven’t gone, yeah?

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: So I’m going to click my boots of haste as I come up behind her and dagger-dagger-dagger over her shoulder. I’ll use my brand-new Dagger of Life-Stealing for the first time. That was a 19, which is a critical hit for me.

MATT: You are at disadvantage on these attacks because they are beyond your 20 foot dagger-throwing range.

LIAM: Okay, well, I had advantage for Assassinate, and disadvantage for the distance, so that brings me down to even. My first roll was a 19, which is still a critical hit for me.

MATT: Is that how it works?


MATT: Let me double-check here. You have advantage– it’s true, you do.

LIAM: They haven’t gone yet.

MATT: No, it hasn’t, you have advantage, it cancels it out, so yes. That first strike is a critical hit on this wyvern right here.

LIAM: Throwing over my sister’s shoulder, so–

LAURA: Warn me first!

LIAM: So here we go. Rolling dice in Jersey, it’s wonderful.

MARISHA: (laughs) Rolling dice in New Jersey.

LIAM: That makes ten. So that’s a 20 for that.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: And I’m going to start slinging the other two daggers.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: First one probably misses, it’s a 14.

MATT: A 14 against the wyvern?

LIAM: Well, I don’t know, do these all get advantage?

MATT: Technically, that’s another good question. Huh. Look at this.

LIAM: All three are before they go.

MATT: It’s true, that’s why I’m thinking probably, I’m pretty sure you can get advantage on… yeah, on attack rolls against any creatures not in combat yet, so yeah.

LIAM: All right, so then actually that was a 20.

MATT: All right, that definitely hits.

LIAM: Okay. That is an eight and the third dagger goes (wa-shing) right over Vex’s shoulder for a 27.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: This one is the poison dagger of course, so that is ten of damage and then it’s a DC of 15 for poison.

MATT: All right. The dagger strikes true, you are uncertain if it’s had an effect unfortunately. At this distance, it’s hard to tell its physical reaction to the impact. However, the dagger seems to be making definite damaged appearances to its physical exterior and you see it recoiling from the attacks and begins to once again fly up as well to try and get out of range.

LIAM: I’m happy.

MATT: All right. That ends your turn. It’s now the griffon’s turn, griffon and the griffon rider.

LAURA: Oh no.

MATT: The griffon rider and the griffon are going to swoop down, half its movement, it’s going to attempt to grapple against that guard.

MARISHA: Grappling?

TALIESIN: Grapple-grapple.


TRAVIS: That the captain?

MATT: Who fails his check. Grabs–

MARISHA: Oh no, he’s going to throw him over the edge.

MATT: Grabs this guard into its claws–

LIAM: Not Simon.

MATT: And then flies up and over this side–

MARISHA: He’s going to toss his ass over the edge!

MATT: And he’s going to release it.

TRAVIS: Oh, you are shitting me!

MARISHA: Does someone have a reaction?

MATT: He’s going to attempt– if you have something crazy.

MARISHA: Can someone do anything? Reaction?

MATT: The guard misses– or fails to hold on tight with his last reaction to try and grapple back.

TALIESIN: That’s such dick.

MATT: The guard, you watch as the griffon swoops down, grabs him, both of its claws and talons wrapping around his shoulders, lifting him up, and chucking him over the side, you hear him scream (ahhh) as he vanishes.

LAURA: As a reaction, can we fricking tie ourselves down to the boat?

MATT: You have no ropes immediately around you, you have to go to the side.

LAURA: I do, I have the rope of–

MATT: You have nothing to tie it to at the moment.

LAURA: Shit. Trinket.

MATT: You have the pegs all on the side here where the ropes attach to, so you guys could do that.

MARISHA: I have some Grasping Vines?

ASHLEY: We could just attach it to all of ourselves, and where we go one, we go all. If they take one, they take all of us.

MATT: And with the last bit of the griffon’s flight movement, that was then there.

MARISHA: It would make it–

ASHLEY: It wouldn’t be able to lift all of us.

MARISHA: Well, it would make it difficult, he would have to break against strength checks against Grog and stuff, yeah.

MATT: So there is the griffon’s current position on its turn. That ends there. Tiberius and Grog both go.

ORION: Okay, I’m going to move over here.

MATT: Okay, so one, two, three, four, five, six. That’s as far as you can get there.

ORION: I’m still in range of that guy, right?

MATT: Yeah.

ORION: Good. I’m going to use Telekinesis to lift the rider off and chuck him off.

MATT: Go ahead and make your check plus five with your modifier.

ORION: So that’s– no, but it’s still okay. That’s 16 plus my this thing, that’s 19?

LIAM: Come on, Tiberius.

MATT: So the rider, which as you look over you can see appears to be small and halfling-like in physical form– you reach over with your Telekinesis spell and concentrate. The entity that’s gripping onto it and holding the spear all of a sudden gets lifted up and then flung off the side.

ORION: And I turn to the wyvern and I go, (speaking Draconic) and I, in dragon-speak or Draconic, whatever, I say–

MARISHA: You say, “Bad dragon!”

ORION: Fight with me or be free.

LAURA: Or be free? And be free.

ORION: Or. He can, meaning–

LAURA: Oh, I get it.

MARISHA: Or go peace out.

LAURA: Okay.

ORION: Right.

LIAM: It all sounded like Enya to me.

MATT: Make– I’ll say for this one, make an animal handling roll.

ASHLEY: Come on.

LAURA: Natural 20.

ASHLEY: Advantage because you’re a dragonborn.

ORION: Nope.

LIAM: Come on, Tibber-hoods.

ORION: Like eight, yeah.

MATT: Okay. Good to know.

MARISHA: Did you have disadvantage?

ORION: No, I had advantage.


MATT: Yeah. So this halfling or gnomish entity is now falling out of the air. That ends Tiberius’s turn. Grog, what’s up?

TRAVIS: I turn to the group and say, Make sure someone guards the box in case it’s a distraction. And then I rage. And I would like to run to the front of the ship where the captain was, as far as I can–

MATT: The captain’s right here.

TRAVIS: Oh, the captain’s there?

MATT: Yes, the back of the ship–

LAURA: That was the guard.

MATT: The guard got flung off the side, the captain’s still out there holding on to the–

TRAVIS: I will run to the front crystal.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: If I can get there. It’s 40 feet is how far I can go.

MATT: 40 feet is right there.

TRAVIS: Son of a bitch. Okay.

MATT: Well, you raged as a bonus action, you could use your action to dash and go the rest of the distance, doubling your movement.

TRAVIS: I wanted to tie myself to something, though.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: You could run to the side and tie yourself to–

TALIESIN: What is that thing at the very front of the ship?

MATT: Right there? It’s another one of these ballistas. They’ve all been set, this one has been set to fire, just the person who was currently helming it got chucked off the side.

MARISHA: Ooh, you’re the shooty guy.

TRAVIS: Is there a railing on the side of the ship at all?

MATT: There is a railing, it’s about waist-high.

LAURA: And there’s pegs to tie yourself to on the sides.

MATT: Yeah, each one of these dots.

TRAVIS: Okay, I have a hundred feet of chain. Can I take the chain out of the bag of holding, wrap it around my wrist, and wrap it around the railing, and then that’ll be all I do. Can I do that?

MATT: Yeah? With your movement, you can get to there, unless you wanted to instead head over here and–

TRAVIS: Yeah, I’ll do that.

MATT: So instead of going further up that route, you go ahead and wrap the chain around there, sure. Chain around your wrist, you tangle it in with your Chain of Returning. You go ahead and take the chain and wrap it around the side of the peg and pull it taut. That’s your turn. All right. That ends Grog’s turn. Keyleth, you’re up.

MARISHA: I’m going to move my speed over here-ish.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: And then would you say I’m 60 feet, within range of that guy?

MATT: Oh yeah. You’re within 25, 30 feet of him.

MARISHA: Oh, am I? Well, let me back up a bit, then. Just right– Oh, I can walk across that.

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Oh, fun.

MATT: It’s a wooden lattice basically, it’s mostly covered. It’s what they remove when they’re putting large cargo in the ship.

MARISHA: Right. Gotcha. And there’s still a rider on that guy?

MATT: Yes, there’s a rider on all of them.

MARISHA: Okay. I am going to cast Polymorph on that wyvern, and I turn him into a bunny rabbit.

TRAVIS: (laughs) You’re going to kill a bunny.

SAM: No, he won’t die, he won’t die.

MARISHA: Oh, I am going to kill a bunny.

LAURA: Six hit points?

ASHLEY: The guy riding him’s going to be like ahhh!

TALIESIN: That is the least innocent thing she’s killed in this game so far.

TRAVIS: That is an Acme cartoon waiting to happen.

MARISHA: That is true. I just think it’s going to be funny. That’s pretty much what I thought.

LIAM: Buck, buck. Thanks, Easter Bunny!

MATT: All right, so what’s the DC on that?

MARISHA: I guess make a wisdom saving throw– the wyvern has to make a wisdom saving throw.

MATT: What’s your DC on that? Your spell DC.


MATT: Into what creature?

MARISHA: A wyvern. A bunny.

MATT: Okay, so. So. (laughs)

MARISHA: Or you know what, you know what would be funnier?

TRAVIS: Stick with the bunny, the bunny’s good.

MARISHA: Yeah, we’ll stick with the bunny.

MATT: The wyvern turns into a bunny rabbit from underneath its rider and goes (squeak) and then plummets, the rider of which begins to fall as well–


MATT: – immediately tossing a grappling hook as it falls.

MARISHA: He came prepared.

LIAM: He’s falling so slowly.

LAURA: That’s awesome!

MARISHA: Thanks. That was my turn.

TRAVIS: That was slick.

MATT: All right, that brings us– So now the wyverns’ turn.

LAURA: Where did the music go?

TRAVIS: Why has the music died??

ALL: (sing battle music)

MATT: It’s coming, guys, don’t worry.

LAURA: (laughs) There it was.

MATT: This wyvern turns and dives down to catch its rider, lift it back up onto its back, but it uses its entire turn doing so. Wasted their turn on that element.

ORION: Wait, what?

MARISHA and SAM: The wyvern caught his rider.

ORION: How is that possible?

LAURA: It happened in like second-second-second-second.

MATT: You threw it off the side, and for the wyvern’s turn immediately it dove down, caught the rider, and it helped it back onto its back, but that took its entire turn to do that.

TRAVIS: Bad wyvern.

ORION: Okay.

TALIESIN: But well-trained.

TRAVIS: Bad. Wyvern.

MATT: This wyvern is plummeting as a bunny rabbit now through the air. It’s going to attempt to make its saving throw.

TRAVIS: Fail, fail.


MATT: Does Polymorph allow a saving throw every round if it’s against its will?


LAURA: I don’t think– I remember you had to be damaged, right?

TRAVIS: Bunny go splat, bunny go die.

MARISHA: Actually, yeah, I think–

ASHLEY: Bunny go bye-bye.

TRAVIS: Thumper’s toast.

MARISHA: It lasts for the duration or until the target drops to zero hit points or dies.

MATT: Yeah, so no.

MARISHA: He just, you know, is a falling bunny.

MATT: He’s a falling bunny. That is going to be one dead wyvern.

LAURA: That’s amazing. Everything’s falling.

MARISHA: Will you let me know when he hits the ground, when he falls?

MATT: I will, don’t worry.

SAM: Well it’s the ocean, right?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: You’ll hear the guts splat out of it.

SAM: Might end up not hitting…

MATT: Terminal velocity for a bunny rabbit. I have to consider this as a DM now. This is a thing in my existence.

MARISHA: Yeah, it’s the same. You throw a penny, you throw a cow off the Empire State Building, they’ll both fall at the same time.

ASHLEY: How high up are we, and how much does the bunny weigh?

MATT: It’s hard to tell, you cannot make any details–

ASHLEY: Let’s do the math.

MATT: You’re so far above the ocean that you can barely make out any details of it, and what you can see is so fine in the distance you gather… you’re a long, long way up.

LIAM: Getting flashes of Holy Grail here.

MATT: Exactly. So the grappling hook (woo tink) onto the side here.

LAURA: Oh no, it’s that jerk.

MATT: The rope swings, and this guy spends his turn getting up onto the side of the boat there and that’s his turn. Next, this wyvern here is going to swoop down. As it does, its rider leaps off, landing right there. The wyvern comes over here and is going to make attacks on you.


MATT: First it comes back with its bite. It has no arms, its arms are its wings, it has taloned feet. Comes down and bites at you with its giant toothy maw. That’s going to be a 25 to hit with its bite.

LAURA: Fudge.

MATT: So you take 13 points of piercing damage.

LAURA: All right.

MATT: It’s not going to use its claws, because instead, as it brings its claws up in a rearing position, its tail whips underneath it with this gnarled pointed stinger at you–

LAURA: At me still?

MATT: As you’re the one that shot an exploding arrow at its friend.

LAURA: Oh, all right.

MATT: This is going to be– that’s a 20 to hit.

LAURA: Okay, so my armor class is 19 but I’m wearing a plus two Ring of Protection.

MATT: Right, but that’s with your–

LAURA: Is that with the plus two ring?

MATT: That’s with the plus two, yeah.

LAURA: So it hits me then.

TALIESIN: I like that little dance, looks quite nice.

MATT: So, for that… You take ten points of piercing damage, and I need you to make a DC 15 constitution saving throw, as the stinger at the end of its tail pierces you in the side of your torso. And as it does you can feel the venom pulse in the inside of your skin.

LAURA: So I have to beat 15?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: You got this!

TRAVIS: Confidently. Roll that shit.

MATT: No? As the poison pulses through your system you feel your muscles seize up with this horrible, painful, burning sensation.

LAURA: (exaggerated pain noises)

TRAVIS: Buffy.

LAURA: (laughs) Yeah.

MATT: You take… 26 points of poison damage.

LAURA: Holy fudge, dude!

TRAVIS: How much? 26?

LAURA: 26!

MATT: 26 points of poison damage.

MARISHA: Ouch. Ouchies.

LAURA: I’ve got to start doing math now.

MATT: The individual that hopped off of it, now you can see is a halfling; dressed in dark leather, face is obscured, pulls a longbow out. And pulls out two arrows at once, pulls back and (tssk) releases them.


MATT: One is going for you, Keyleth. The other is going for Trinket.

MARISHA: These guys got skills.

MATT: That is a 22 versus you, Keyleth.


MATT: And a 20 versus Trinket.

LAURA: He’s got 20.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: Oh no!

MATT: You take 12 points of piercing damage.


MATT: Trinket takes five points of piercing damage.

LAURA: Okay okay okay… okay…

MATT: That ends their turn. All right, brings it to Percy.

MARISHA: Go Percy, go Percy, go!

TALIESIN: How far away am I from that wyvern that’s currently attacking everybody?

MATT: Right there?


MATT: You’re right here, so you’re about– roughly 45 feet from him.

TRAVIS: (sings) Shave and a haircut.

TALIESIN: This will be funny. Okay, I’m going to back up and sit down against the back wall of the ship.

MATT: Okay. Against the doorway.

TALIESIN: I’m going to pull out the biggest gun I have. So, I’m going to pull out Bad News.

TRAVIS: Yes! Fuck yes!

TALIESIN: I’m going to sit down. I’m going to take aim and I’m going to do– I’m going to spend a Grit, and try and take a wing shot at this.

MATT: At this wyvern here?


MATT: All right.

MARISHA: What’s a wing shot?

TALIESIN: Well, we’ll see if it works.

LAURA: Trying to shoot the wing.

TALIESIN: I’m shooting him in the wing.

MARISHA: That sounds awesome. Oh. You mean literally. Right. Sure. Yeah. (laughs)


MATT: Hits.

SAM: Just winged him.

TALIESIN: Okay. 19, 20– Really? Where’s my d12s, I was not prepared for this. Here we go. 14 points of damage, and he has to make a constitution saving throw.

SAM: We’re just letting that guard die, right? We’re not going to try to…

LAURA: I didn’t realize we could save him.


MATT: No. Fails that.

TALIESIN: Okay. That wyvern drops hard, 20 feet.

MATT: All right. So that wyvern who is roughly about ten feet up, you shoot it in the wing (psh!). It blows a big old hole in the side of its leathery wing. As you do, the impact sends its wing arm crumbling behind it. It spins uncontrollably in the space and then plummets to the ground, on its back, just reaching and scrambling trying to get back up. So it’s currently prone on the ground.

TALIESIN: Boom! All right, thank you.

MATT: No worries.

LAURA: Deal with it.

TALIESIN: And I reload.

MATT: All right. Scanlan, you’re up.

SAM: Ah! I’ll take a few steps towards the action and I’ll cast (sings) Bigby’s Hand, Bigby’s Hand, you know it, shamone. On the griffon.

MATT: All right.

SAM: Is he above the boat or just above the ocean?

MATT: Currently above the ocean, just near the edge of the boat.

SAM: Can I use Forceful Hand, it says I can push. Do you think I can… twist?

LAURA: Stop it!

ORION: Sorry.

MATT: You know what, you could.

SAM: So I’m going to dump him over.

MATT: Okay. Go ahead and make a check with your bonus.

SAM: Oh, and this is all through the Hand Cone of Clarity. Of course.

MATT: Right, right. So go ahead and roll and add five.

SAM: 19 plus five, 24.

MATT: 19… plus three. So the griffon, all of a sudden, there’s this giant, shimmering Bigby’s Hand. As you reach out, this gargantuan version of a Scanlan fist comes rocketing through the sky, the fingers unraveling, clutching the griffon. Its wings seemingly pulled up and crunched for a second as it is suddenly (shft) lifted. Its rider who is holding on to the reins in the front is now dangling, and going to attempt to try and hold on… and rolls a three.


MATT: The rider immediately plummets, falls right towards the edge of the ship.

LAURA: Hits the railing. Breaks his back.

MATT: Makes an acrobatics check and manages to reduce the damage and land on its feet, however it does still take nine points of falling damage.

TRAVIS: Is he a halfling as well?

MATT: No, this actually seems a very lithe, elven-looking individual. Like very thin form, face and body all covered, appears to be female. From best you can tell, just from the physicality.

LAURA: She’s going down.

SAM: I’m also going to inspire Vex. With just a– just for her archery skills.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: Okay. (sings) Elvish people in the ship tonight, everybody just have a good fight.


MATT: All right, you get a d10 inspiration dice for it, for your use.

LAURA: Yeah!


MATT: So that ends your turn. Pike, you’re up.

ASHLEY: Okay, how long is the ship?

MATT: The full length of it?

LAURA: (laughs) Show him.

ASHLEY: Just so you know what I’m looking at right now, I’ll show you again.

MATT: (laughs) This ship?

ASHLEY: This ship right here.

MATT: This ship right here?

ASHLEY: Yeah. That one.

MATT: Sure. Okay.


MATT: I’d say it’d be about 130 feet in– or 140 feet.

ASHLEY: Okay, so would you say, maybe this area would be about like 60 feet?

MATT: 60 foot radius, you mean?

ASHLEY: Yeah, how– where would–

MATT: A 60 foot radius for you would be… right here.


MATT: Like this around you.


LAURA: But you can move.

ASHLEY: I would like to reach down– stay where I am– and touch the floor of the ship, and cast Hallow?

MATT: Hallow? Okay.

SAM: I am so hard right now. I mean, Scanlan.

ASHLEY: Which basically infuses a 60 foot radius with holy power, and any creatures or anything can’t harm anything inside the radius.

MATT: All righty. It takes– look at the casting time on the spell.

LAURA: Oh no.

ASHLEY: God. Dang it.


TRAVIS: 24 hours.

ASHLEY: Scratch that! Okay, so here’s what we’re going to do.

MARISHA: 24 hours?

MATT: 24 hours. Hallow works, you take 24 hours and that land, where you do that, is like that until someone dispels it.

LAURA: Oh wow.

ASHLEY: Should have done it when we first got on the ship.

TRAVIS: It’s like with Hermione and her protection spell.

ASHLEY: Okay. That’s good to know. Would have been cool.

MATT: Instead?

ASHLEY: Instead, I’m going to Guiding Bolt this guy right here.

MATT: This guy here?

ASHLEY: No wait. The flying guy right here.

MATT: Oh, that one?


MATT: Okay. You currently can’t see him, unfortunately. That is down below the ship because it swooped down to pick up the guy who had fallen, so he is currently out of your view.

LAURA: (whispers) Guiding Bolt the griffon.

ASHLEY: Cool. I’ll Guiding Bolt– I can’t do that griffon up there, can I?

MATT: What’s the range on Guiding Bolt? Might be able to.

ASHLEY: 120 feet.

MATT: Yeah, you can get him from there.

ASHLEY: Yeah, okay. I’ll do that.

MATT: All right. Make your ranged spell attack. Roll a d20, add that bonus.

ASHLEY: Oh, man, that’s a one.

MATT: So in your confusion, you reach back to shoot the wyvern that’s on the other side of the ship. It’s not there, and so while the spell is releasing itself, you’re like, “Crap! That one!” And by the time you turn around to redirect the divine energy blast, it arcs off in a random direction.

ASHLEY: What a fail of a motherfucking turn.


MATT: You still have a bonus action.

ASHLEY: Can I still move, if I use my Sprinter’s Boots?

MATT: Yeah, you can still move. You haven’t moved yet.

ASHLEY: Okay, I’m going to Sprinter’s Boots over to Vex.

LAURA: That’s me!

LIAM: Sprinter’s Boots. Sprinter’s Boots!

MATT: With Sprinter’s Boots, you can get there.

ASHLEY: And I’m going to give her a Superior Healing Potion.

MATT: Okay. You haven’t used it yet, but you have one.

LAURA: Okay.

ASHLEY: Oh, I can’t give it to her.

MATT: She has it. You handed it to her, but she hasn’t–

ASHLEY: Here’s a Superior Healing Potion!

LAURA: I didn’t have one! Thanks, Pike!

ASHLEY: A potion turn.

LAURA: I can’t wait. I’ll wait and do it.

MATT: All right. Top of the round.

ASHLEY: Wait, so she has to use that on her turn, then?

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: That’s okay. That’s okay!

ASHLEY: All right. Let’s just go past this really fast.


MATT: Oh, Pike.

ASHLEY: Let’s move on.

MATT: That’s okay. Vex, you’re up.

LAURA: Okay! You know what I’m going to do? I’m going to use a Superior Healing Potion, which is how many– what do I roll for that?

MATT: Superior Healing Potion? That is– wow, 8d4 plus eight.

LAURA: Whoa.

MATT: Yeah, it’s a big old heal. She’s drinking a potion that Pike just gave her.

SAM: Were you hurt?

LAURA: Uh-huh, actually very severely.

ASHLEY: I just healed her.

SAM: Thanks, Pike.

LAURA: I’m going to add those up in just a second. That’s a lot of adding.

MATT: (laughs) Oh, d4.

LAURA: Okay, but first I’m going to– he’s on the ground, so if I step away from him he doesn’t get a–

MATT: Correct, he is not threatening.

LAURA: Okay, so I’m going to move away from that guy.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: I’m going to–

MATT: How far?

LAURA: Actually, I’m not going to move– I’m going to move against the railing around Grog. Can I do that?

MATT: Yeah, you can move around.

LAURA: Yeah, and I’m going to stand next to Grog and hope he overshadows me. And I’m going to Lightning Arrow the griffon.

MATT: All righty. Go ahead and roll for attack on that.

LAURA: Why do I feel like a griffon will be immune to lightning attack?

ORION: No, it’s birds.

LAURA: They’re fine, right?

SAM: Of course.

ORION: Birds hate lightning.

SAM: The griffon is grappled, too. Well, not grappled.

MARISHA: (laughs) Birds hate lightning.

LAURA: That is 4d8. Oh, I have to roll to see if I hit.

MATT: Roll for the attack, yeah.

LAURA: Okay, which one looks like a Lightning Arrow? This, the amethyst, looks like a lightning one.

MATT: There you go.

LAURA: Okay, that’s good, that’s 25?

MATT: 25, yeah.

LAURA: Okay, so now it’s 4d8. 15.

MATT: 15 points of damage to it? All right. So as you run around Grog, as you rush around his shoulder you grab one arrow, pull it back, nock it in your bow, and underneath his arm as he’s reaching up with his axe, you release an arrow. As you release it into the air, it almost seems to spark with energy. Halfway to its mark, all of a sudden the speed it’s traveling at increases, increases, increases, and you see energy begin to (crackle) off the front. It slams into the side of the griffon with a blast of energy and electricity surge through its body. The griffon loses about ten feet of height before it catches itself. You can see this giant burn mark on the side of its body. It’s having a hard time keeping itself in the air. It’s looking pretty rough.

LAURA: For my second attack, I’m going to have Trinket charge the elf girl in red.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Or no, he’s going to attack the wyvern that’s on the ground, that makes more sense. Doesn’t it?

ORION: Shoot his wing off!

LAURA: And bash him with his new armor, and you know do stuff.


MATT: All right, so as you fire an arrow, Trinket turns around and comes forward. Go ahead and roll an attack for Trinket.

LAURA: Okay. I don’t know if I’ve ever attacked with Trinket.

MATT: You have before, it’s been a while.

LAURA: It’s been a really long time.

TALIESIN: Like possibly Pathfinder a while.

MARISHA: Yeah, it’s been a while.

ORION: Yay, Trinket.

LAURA: And he rolled a one.

SAM: With inspiration.

LAURA: With inspiration– no, it’s a one.

MATT: A one is an auto-miss.

LAURA: It’s a frickin’ one.

MATT: So Trinket goes to attack, the wyvern’s on the ground, it’s screeching around, moving its body, its tail whips out and strikes Trinket in the side of the armor, almost piercing it with the poisonous stinger. Trinket instinctively–

LAURA: Oh shit, I forgot I was poisoned.

MATT: Yeah. It’s okay. It ricochets off the armor, but Trinket instinctively recoils from it and foregoes the attack to take a defensive stance.

SAM: We’re not doing well.

LAURA: I forgot I was poisoned! Shit.

MATT: These weapons set up.

LAURA: Oh, I’m going to finish the healing potion just for now.

MATT: Okay, go for it. This guard pulls back and aims the ballista up towards the griffon that’s in the air, releases the bolt that streaks through the air. The bolt rushes past the griffon, unfortunately not finding purchase, the rope leading off into the distance. As he sees the rope, the entire giant bolt misses, curses and takes a dagger out and cuts the rope and it just disappears out over the side and he goes, spends the rest of his turn getting ready to prepare for a second shot. This one over here currently has the ready-to-fire bolt, has no means of doing so, instead draws a weapon and begins to rush over to try and join the fray with the wyvern over here, he can’t quite get all the way over to fight it. That ends his turn. Vax, you’re up.

TRAVIS: This guy’s still alive in the back, right?

MATT: Yeah, you just can’t see him.

TRAVIS: Okay. We can’t see him.

LIAM: I’m going to run up alongside Trinket on the side and stab the grounded wyvern two or three times.

MATT: Okay, you have your boots of haste, so you can do this, because you have to go up the stairs here to get to the next level. Right there. All right, so now you’re up on the–

LIAM: I’ll use keen dagger to start, gets a 23.

MATT: All right. That hits.

LIAM: Okay, so that’s 11 points of damage plus the Sneak Attack damage.

MATT: Oh, this is going to be nasty.

SAM: Leave some for Grog!

LIAM: 13 Sneak Attack damage, so that’s 11 plus 13, first dagger.

MATT: Nice, 24 damage.

LIAM: Second dagger gets a 26.

MATT: Hits.

LIAM: Hits. That is a ten of damage and the third dagger gets a 16.

MATT: 16 does hit. Go ahead and roll damage.

LIAM: It does, it does? Very nice.

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Come on, Jersey, roll that shit.

MARISHA: Yeah, Jersey.

MATT: Technically all these attacks– the creature is prone so you have advantage on these attacks too, by the way.

LIAM: Oh, well. Did they all hit?

MATT: Yes. Go ahead and roll a second one for this last one just on the off-chance it might critical.

LIAM: It was less.

MATT: Okay, so then you’re fine, all right.

LIAM: Should I throw two more? Okay, I’m good with everything else.

MATT: So damage on the last one?

LIAM: Oh, it was… eight.

MATT: Eight, got you. All right, so as you rush around Trinket, you come up with your daggers, stab-stab-stab, you’re jamming it in the side and you can see the dark black dragon blood spilling out of each wound as you’re piercing it, it’s screeching out and trying to get back to its feet in the process, but you just keep finding each opening and jamming in with your blades.

LIAM: And as a bonus action I want to take my hand under Trinket’s ears and go, wooga-wooga-wooga-wooga.

MATT: (laughs) Trinket goes (bear noises) and rubs into them.

LAURA: Would you mind healing him? He’s low on health.

LIAM: Such a glass half empty girl.

MATT: The griffon is going to take its turn. 40. It’s going to swoop down towards Keyleth. It’s going to attempt to grapple you.

MARISHA: I go, Hey friend!

MATT: Go ahead and make either an acrobatics or athletics check, your choice.

TRAVIS: Oh no.

MARISHA: Let’s do athletics. Oh. It’s okay. 15.

MATT: 15? The griffon reaches down, (ksh ksh) grapples into you with each of its talons and lifts up, carrying you and it–

MARISHA: It’s okay guys, I’ll be fine!

MATT: – shoves you off the side. You begin to plummet off the side of the ship, you see it vanish above you.

SAM: She’ll be fine, she’ll be fine.

MARISHA: I’ll be fine!

LAURA: Look, Keyleth, it’s what you wanted.

MARISHA: This is fun!

MATT: Tiberius and Grog.

ORION: So that thing went to go save his dude. I turn to him, super annoyed, and I go, (speaking Draconian) and I use Telekinesis and I rip off his wing.

MATT: Which guy?

ORION: The wyvern.

LIAM: All of them.

LAURA: You can rip off his whole wing?

MATT: This one here you can’t see, it’s like far below the ship because it dove down to catch its guy, it’s not currently in visible range. Like, this is off the board, essentially, it’s down below there.

ORION: Oh, crap.

LAURA: Rip all the griffon’s feathers off.

ORION: I don’t do any of that stuff. Just pluck it. This is annoying you.

MARISHA: Prepare it for dinner.

ORION: What’s going on? Who’s this dude over here?

MATT: This is one of the riders that managed to just barely grapple on and pull itself to the top of the ship.

ORION: And this is the elven–

MATT: This is the elven one who was on top of the griffon.

ORION: Okay.

MATT: It got dumped off by Scanlan.

ORION: Oh. Let’s see. How many between the two… how many– what’s the distance between– what’s this thing right here?

MATT: That’s one of the ballistas at the front. It’s ready to fire, it just hasn’t been fired yet.

SAM: Lotta questions, lotta questions.

ORION: Oh. That’s fun. Okay. I’m going to use my movement to get around over here– because that’s all 60 feet, right?

MATT: Yeah.

ORION: Ah, cool. Well then, I’ll use– screw it, I’ll use Telekinesis to pick up that elf and huck it right into the ballista.

MATT: Okay. Go ahead and make your roll, d20 plus five.

ORION: Ooh, natural 20.


MATT: So you take– the elf is down, pulling two blades out, is lifted up in the air and flung off to the side. The female form slams into the ballista from behind, setting it off. You see now the bolt just arcs off the side of the boat.

SAM: Nice.

MATT: The elf, which, it’s currently grappled now and held against the side, takes seven points of impact damage from the full slamming attack. All right. The ballista was aimed this way.

MARISHA: Oh, were you trying to skewer him?

ORION: Yeah.


ORION: I still do that. I lift him up and do that instead.

MATT: Ballista’s already fired, though.

TRAVIS: It’s gone.

LAURA: Yeah, it’s gone.

MATT: I mean, you slam him into it and fire it off.

LAURA: That’s okay, you still flung him real hard.

ORION: Cool, that’s my turn.

MATT: Sorry.

ORION: It’s fine.

MARISHA: You and Ashley.

ASHLEY: We had a week off.

MATT: Yeah, you’re getting into the swing of things.

ASHLEY: Getting our wiggles out.

MATT: Grog, you’re up.

TRAVIS: Seeing the wyvern at my feet, I feel that familiar tremble in my loins and I take my hand out of the chain and I go into a frenzied rage.

ORION: Yay, rage!

TRAVIS: And I would like to butcher the ever-living fuck out of that mini-dragon.

MATT: All right, make an attack. It’s starting to get to its feet now.

TRAVIS: Oh, hold on, kitty. 15 plus eight is–

MATT: You still have advantage on it, by the way, remember, because it’s still technically prone.

TRAVIS: Oh. 23.

MATT: Hits.

TRAVIS: 23 again.

MATT: Roll.

LAURA: No, you already did it.

TRAVIS: Natural 20.

MATT: So hit, critical, and…

TRAVIS: The third one.

LAURA: What?

MARISHA: That makes up for so much shit.

ASHLEY: Kill him, kill him!


MATT: Hits.

TRAVIS: Nice, all three.

MATT: Hit, critical, hit. So for the first hit?

TRAVIS: Eight.

MATT: Eight damage?


MATT: Even with the bonus?

TRAVIS: Yeah, I rolled a one.

MATT: A one, okay, so eight. Now your critical.

TRAVIS: Critical, so is that two of these? 2d12?

MATT: Just roll it once and double the number.

TRAVIS: Oh, awesome, 19.

MATT: Add that plus at the end, so whatever you rolled–


MATT: You rolled a 19?

TRAVIS: I rolled a 12 plus–

MATT: So 12, that’s 24 plus seven.

TRAVIS: Oh, gotcha.

MATT: So 31.


MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: And the last one. 16.

MATT: Nice! So you just smack, smack, smack the giant axe, as with each arc backward you can see the blood spray just through the air, it’s spattering part of the ship. It’s screeching in pain, trying to reach around it for some sort of purchase. You leave gaping wounds in its side. It still seems to be ready to go.

LAURA: These things are hard.

MATT: Pretty tough. Pretty tough, these wyverns.

SAM: Did you take the wyvern or the rider?

TRAVIS: Wyvern.

MATT: So Grog, you stay where you are?


MATT: All right. That ends your turn. Keyleth, you are currently falling.

MARISHA: Before I turn into anything, I take in the scenery, and I’m like, “This is peaceful.”

MATT: Very serene.

MARISHA: Nice. And then I turn into an air elemental (whoosh).

SAM: Is that a thing?


TRAVIS: Not a shark?

MARISHA: Not a shark, I know.

LAURA: That could be cool too.

MARISHA: That would be funny.

TALIESIN: Turn into a flying shark.

MARISHA: And I’m like, Oops.

SAM: My head is like a shark’s fin.

TRAVIS: For when this goes in the water.

TALIESIN: Intelligent flying shark.

MATT: In my disappointing haste, I forgot to bring your elemental figures and I apologize.

MARISHA: It’s okay, I’m air. So I’m there.

MATT: We’ll use this, we’ll put this around you. So this is you as an air elemental right there. So pretty. You’re air.

LAURA: Around you.

MATT: Sorry, guys, usually better about that. Today’s been crazy. So you–

MARISHA: I turn into 'poof.’

MATT: Now in your natural element, there is no fall, you stop yourself immediately. You’re no more than maybe 20 feet below the bow of the ship.

MARISHA: Okay, cool. I’m only 20 feet? Awesome.

MATT: What’s your flying speed? As an earth elemental?

MARISHA: It’s 60. It’s the same, like all of them if you’re moving through air and such, I’m pretty sure.

MATT: Your own terrain, 60? Yeah. So you can get up onto the bow and still have 40 feet to go.

MARISHA: Okay, so. Who’s the nearest bad guy?

MATT: The griffon that just threw you off.

MARISHA: Is that a bad guy next to him? Or is that a guard?

MATT: That’s a bad guy right there. That’s a guard, that’s what was riding–

MARISHA: My air elemental’s a big space, right?

MATT: Yes, a large.

MARISHA: Okay. So here’s what I do. I go up and I’m like (whoosh) this big dark scary cloud, and then I go up and I’m going to do Whirlwind and I go full tornado.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Full twister.

MATT: This form– you guys have never seen this before. All of a sudden, this giant angry cluster of elemental energy, this wind, begins to (wind sounds) like angry eyes almost, based on the energy source within, begin swirling in this giant cyclone. Localized. Both the griffon being pulled into it as well as the other creature on the side. The effects of that?

MARISHA: They have to make a DC 13 strength saving throw.

MATT: All right. The griffon does succeed. This wyvern-rider does not.

MARISHA: Awesome. On a failure a target takes 3d8 plus two bludgeoning damage.

MATT: Nice.

MARISHA: So I’ll do that real quick. That’s okay, so two, one, roll this one. Five. Ten damage.

MATT: All righty.

MARISHA: And he’s flung 20 feet in a random direction and knocked prone.

MATT: All right. A random direction.

MARISHA: Hopefully it’s randomly off the side of the ship.

MATT: Random direction. We’ll say it’s wherever the four is there. Four. Falls off and actually slams into the top of this–


MATT: – this wing. It begins to slide off and is going to attempt to catch itself on the edge of the wing.

TRAVIS: Fail! Fail!

MARISHA: Fail, fail!

MATT: Fails.


TALIESIN: Save every one of us.

MATT: Is flung off the side and falls out of view. Damn, all right. You still have about 40 feet, or 30 feet of movement at this point.

MARISHA: Oh wait, and if the target hits like a wall he takes 1d6 bludgeoning damage for every ten feet he was thrown.

TALIESIN: I think he’s going to hit a lot of bludgeoning damage when he hits the ocean.

MARISHA: If the saving throw’s successful, the target takes half the bludgeoning damage and isn’t flung or thrown–

MATT: All right, so five damage?

MARISHA: Yeah, he still takes five damage.

MATT: Okay. From the buffeting of the wind, griffon manages to keep itself in place. All right. That end your turn?

MARISHA: That ends my turn.

MATT: All right. Now it’s the wyvern and the wyvern-riders’ turn. This wyvern gets up to its feet again, no longer prone. It’s going to, after being stabbed repeatedly and axed repeatedly, it’s going to angrily strike out… It’s going to go ahead and make a bite attack and a stinger attack. Bite attack’s going to be at you, Grog, stinger attack’s going to be at Vax, since he’s right behind him. Bite attack against you, Grog, is going to be a 22 to hit.

TRAVIS: That hits.

MATT: All right. You go ahead and take–

TRAVIS: Would that be bludgeoning, piercing, or slashing, by any chance?

MATT: That would be piercing.

TRAVIS: I half on that.

MATT: Yes you do. So you would take 14 points of damage. You take seven instead.

TRAVIS: Okay, all right.

MATT: Because you have too many hit points and don’t like damage. Against– that’s a natural 20.

SAM: Natural 20.

MATT: Natural 20 on you, Vax.

LAURA: Oh no! Twinsie!

MATT: So I’m going to assume that hits. (laughs) So Vax, you take–

LIAM: He’s at disadvantage because I’m on Skype?


ASHLEY: And wasn’t he prone?

TRAVIS: No, he’s up.

LAURA: He’s up now, yeah.

MATT: All right. So that is, you take 25 points of piercing damage from the stinger.

LIAM: Wait, what did he roll?

TRAVIS: Natural 20.

MATT: He rolled a natural 20.

LIAM: A natural 20? Then he hits.

MATT: Yeah. So you take 25 points of piercing damage, 25 points of piercing damage, and I need you to make a constitution saving throw.

LIAM: All right.

LAURA: Roll well.

ASHLEY: Come on.

LIAM: I’m doing it. I’m in New Jersey and I’m rolling for constitution. That’s a five.

MARISHA: To be fair, you’re in Jersey, so.

SAM: It’s the birthplace of the Constitution.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I think that’s accurate.

SAM: No, I think it’s Philadelphia, it’s Philadelphia.

MATT: All right. So you take 29 points of poison damage as the stinger shoots out from the wyvern, pierces you in the abdomen, already stabbing through your guts, and you can feel it destroying a lot of your internal organs, and then all of a sudden there’s a pulse of burning, fiery pain as the poison just disperses into your system as it pulls out of your torso. That’s rough.

LIAM: Yeah, I’m not doing too well.

ASHLEY: Where are you at?

LIAM: Well, I’m doing really bad, let’s just say that.

MATT: That’s that wyvern. The other wyvern is still plummeting as a bunny.

LAURA: He hasn’t hit the water yet?

MATT: No, you guys are a ways up.

LAURA: Whoa.

MATT: This wyvern swings up now with its rider.

LIAM: I don’t feel so good.

LAURA: Take a healing potion!

MATT: Does a fly-by here with its movement. Its rider, who’s currently clutching a spear-type object, flings it down at the blue crystal. As it slams into the crystal, there’s a spark of energy and the blue crystal seems to wink out of magical energy, its coloration growing dark. The entire ship begins to list to one side. Everyone shifts 15 feet this way.

SAM: Oh my god.

LAURA: Wait, which way? Oh, we all shift, so okay, we’re already against the railing.

MATT: Yeah, on the stairway. Tiberius, I’m going to go ahead and have you roll an acrobatics check to try and catch yourself, because you’re on the stairs when you get knocked off.

ORION: Nope.

MATT: So you fall prone, 15 feet there, on the ground.

LAURA: Oh no. Can we all Star Trek it?

MATT: This guy’s going to try to catch himself here.

ALL: Whoa!

MATT: Catches himself. This elf here goes to there. This guy moves 15 feet to there. Keyleth isn’t touched.

TALIESIN: You’ve got to grip the table for that.

LAURA: Oh yeah, you’ve got to grip.

MATT: Wyvern slides and catches itself off the edge. Pushed there. Pushed to the stairs.

MARISHA: Is that wyvern flying?

MATT: I need Grog and Vex to each make… Make a dexterity check to try and catch yourself on the edge of the boat.

MARISHA: Son of a bitch. Come on, you guys.


SAM: Vex, I’ve inspired you.

LAURA: That’s true, but I don’t need it.

LIAM: Do not kill my sister while I’m away.

LAURA: That’s a 29 for me.

MATT: Both of you guys manage– you’re flung to the side, hit the railing, your bodies tumble over the side, and both Grog and Vex catch the railing and are now dangling on the side of the ship as it’s listing to the side. You both look over at each other with a (sigh of relief).



TRAVIS: Crazy shit, huh?

MATT: So that’s his action. As the continuation of its movement, the wyvern comes down towards the now caught off his– knocked away from the reins of the ship, is going to attempt to grapple the captain.

SAM: Not Damon!

LAURA: No, not Damon!

SAM: Oh no, not handsome Damon. Oh, no.

MATT: Fails his roll.

LAURA: Damon, no!

MATT: Is now grappled by the wyvern.

MARISHA: Son of a fuck, we can’t lose our captain.

ASHLEY: I can captain the ship if I need to.

MATT: Reaches the edge of the ship, it doesn’t have enough movement to get him all the way off, but is in the process of dragging him off. You can see the captain is now reaching up, trying to fight his way off the wyvern who’s dragging him off the edge of the ship, but that’s as far as it can go with the rest of its movement, since it had to move up and over the edge of the ship. That’s the end of its turn.

MARISHA: Damn it.

MATT: I’m going to put it at about there.

LAURA: Oh no. Everything’s falling.

MATT: It happens. Dedicated little miniatures. All right. That brings us to… That’s all their turns. Percy, you’re up. The ship now (sliding sound), this weird object now is just like sparking energy at the edge of the blue crystal.

TALIESIN: I’m going to just hold on to Bad News as I’m flicking around, I’m going to pull out my Pepperbox, I’m going to take a wing shot at that bastard right there.

MATT: Right there? Okay.

LIAM: Do it, Percy, do it.

TALIESIN: (laughs) 29.

MATT: 29 definitively hits.

TALIESIN: That definitively hits. So let’s figure out what we’re going to do to this person.

TRAVIS: Yeah, come on. We got a flat tire.

TALIESIN: That’s nine points of damage plus a 14 constitution saving roll–

MATT: Which with a five it does not make.

TALIESIN: So it drops 20 feet.

MATT: It drops 20 feet, slams into the deck. It isn’t knocked prone, but the captain is slammed into the ground as well and is not currently being held over the edge of the ship. It still has him in its clutches, but he’s not being dangled over the edge.

TALIESIN: He still has him in his claws, though.

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: All right, I’ll take another shot at him.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: I’m going to make this a fire shot. And I’m going to try to get him to drop him now.

MATT: Okay.


MATT: 16, okay. That hits.

TALIESIN: All right, let me just make sure I’m doing this right. Yeah, no damage but he drops him.

MATT: Okay. Captain tumbles forward out of its grasp onto the side. He’s prone, but he’s no longer in the talons of the wyvern.

TALIESIN: All right, and then I’m going to spend the rest of my move getting up, getting situated, and then moving a little bit, where’s my–

MATT: Yeah, you have 15 more feet of movement when you get up from– Well actually, you weren’t knocked prone, you just slammed into the wall, so you’re fine.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I’m going to move a little bit further up the–

MATT: Here?

TALIESIN: Yeah, like right about there.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: We just hit 4,000?

MATT: Are you serious?

MARISHA: We hit 4,000!

LAURA: Oh my gosh.

MARISHA: Rap video.

MATT: You did this. You did this, Zac.

ZAC: I’m not happy about it.


MATT: You guys are ridiculous.

TALIESIN: Are you proud of yourself?

ZAC: No.

MATT: The Snugglelord outfit you’re wearing tells me otherwise.

TALIESIN: You look proud and majestic.

MATT: All right, no worries. So Percy, well done, that’s your turn. Scanlan, you’re up.

SAM: Scanlan’s going to take a few steps forward–

MATT: You still have your hand up, by the way. It’s over in this area. You just took it and twisted him, so you can manage to–

SAM: But he got out of it.

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: So I could… I’m going to leave it be. Oh wait, I still have my hand out? And it’s over there?

MATT: Well, I mean, your hand is over here where you grabbed it earlier.

SAM: Can I move it to the other guy near the ballista?

MATT: Over here?

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: Is that going to be my move, or do I also get to use the hand?

MATT: No, that’s just part of your action, so if you wanted to use the hand you could–

SAM: Okay, I move it near the ballista guy and I just go, boop. Push him over the edge.

MATT: All right. Go ahead and make a roll and add five to it.

SAM: It’s through the–ooh. Not good, not good.

TALIESIN: Inspire yourself.

SAM: 14.

MATT: 14. As the creature’s slammed into the wall, the elf that’s wrapped up currently is trying to get ready. It starts preparing itself to do a series of attacks, and your Bigby’s Hand just blindsides it, sending it over the edge of the railing–

SAM: Oh, it worked!

MATT: Does not catch the railing. These guys, I don’t think they knew who was on that ship. (falling scream) Gets flung off the edge, unable to catch, and vanishes over the side of the ship.

MARISHA: No, Wilhelm!

SAM: And then– I’m going to move towards the captain.

MATT: All right.

SAM: And– Vax, are you in dire straits? Physically?

LIAM: (strained) Yes.

SAM: Okay, then I’m going to throw some healing at Vax with my Healing Word bonus action.

MATT: Yeah, you can get him in the range. Just barely.

SAM: Healing Word of the day is, Heal!


MATT: All right, so go ahead and roll for him, it’s 1d4 plus five I believe.

MARISHA: It’s like a word of the day calendar, Healing Word of the day.

SAM: You got healed seven points, New Jersey.

MATT: Awesome.

LIAM: Ze goggles do nothing.

MATT: Ending Scanlan’s turn. That was a rough round for them. Pike, you’re up.

LAURA: Come on, Pike.


MATT: No, it’s concentration. Once you do Bigby’s Hand, you have it for as long as you concentrate.


MATT: Yes.

ASHLEY: I would like to try to create a Spiritual Weapon.

MATT: All right.

ASHLEY: Kind of in the vein of–

MATT: You’re a war cleric, now.

ASHLEY: – Yondu’s little arrow he would whistle at.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: But like a really big spear, like a big version of that.

MATT: Okay, so what you do is you glance over at the bolts that are set up as part of the ballistae, and use that as a point of inspiration. You cast Spiritual Weapon and you can see, from the holy symbol, it glows at your chest and out of it this giant piercing bolt just seems to appear out of divine energy. Lifts itself aloft next to you, just hovering in the air.

ASHLEY: All right, so I want to pierce it through that guy.

MATT: This guy?


MATT: So as you see it there, you bring your hand up and then make a flinging motion. It spins, rotates, and then rockets off in the direction of this wyvern. Go ahead and roll an attack with your spell modifier.

LIAM: Kill kill kill kill kill.


MATT: 18 definitely hits. All right, so for the bolt’s damage in the speed of this, and given the flight, I would say roll 2d6 plus five damage.

LIAM: (sings)

ASHLEY: Seven.

MATT: Total seven? All right. Aw.

LAURA: All of those dice are bad. You need all-new dice.

ASHLEY: I know, I mean, because of how heavy it is– but wait, I want to do it at a higher level.

MATT: Okay, what higher level do you want to do it?

ASHLEY: I was thinking of doing it at a level four.

MATT: All right.

ASHLEY: And I know that does 1d8, but then was it just 1d6 because–

MATT: It was 2d6– well what does the damage say on there normally?

ASHLEY: One more time?

MATT: What’s the damage it says on there.

ASHLEY: Spell using a slot of third level or higher, the damage increases by 1d8 for every two slot levels above 2nd.

MATT: And what level is it normally?

LAURA: Three.

ASHLEY: It’s a three. Or no, it’s a two.

MATT: It’s a two, so you’re casting it at fourth level.


MATT: Which means you roll an additional 1d8.

LAURA: Don’t roll that. Roll one of these.

LAURA: Yeah!

MATT: What’s that?

ASHLEY: Okay, so it would be 15 total.

MATT: 15 total, nice.

ASHLEY: But then would the, since, so then would I roll the d8 instead of the sixes for that last one?

MATT: I would say given the fact that it’s a ranged bolt, it would be– is it normally just 1d8 for the damage it deals?


MATT: I made it 2d6 because it’s a larger weapon and you’re using it as a bolt.

ASHLEY: All right, I understand.

MATT: So it did more damage circumstantially than it normally would.


MATT: You’re fine. All right, so that ends Pike’s turn. Brings us up to the top. Vex. You’re like on the side right now. You’re in theory prone on the side of the ship but you’re not falling.

LAURA: Oh, so I can’t attack? If I get up and out.

MATT: Well no, you use half your movement to get back onto the ship.

LAURA: Okay. I’m going to like brace my foot on Grog’s shoulder and climb up.


MATT: All right. So she uses you as a footstool and flips over, lands on top of the ship, totally fine.

LAURA: Awesome. Can I shoot my grappling arrow at this bastard here at the end of the ship? Is that far enough? Is that close enough?

MATT: Yeah, yeah.

LAURA: All right, I want to shoot it at the rider, I want to shoot the grappling arrow at the rider. And I’ll catch him and bring him in.

MATT: All right. So you reach in and there’s–

LAURA: Oh, cast Hunter’s Mark on him first, though.

MATT: So you move it over.

LAURA: Yeah, that fucking, yeah.

MATT: It’s there, Hunter’s Mark is there, we’re fine.

LAURA: Yeah, it’s on it, yay.

MATT: All right. Go ahead and roll for the attack as you pull back the grappling arrow.

LAURA: Oh god, okay. So nervous.

TALIESIN: I’m counting on you.

ORION: Hit it!

LAURA: Yes. 26.

MATT: 26 definitely hits.

LAURA: Okay. So how do I do it?

MATT: All right. So roll damage.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: It’s actually– for the grappling arrow it’s going to be 1d6 damage for it. It’s not quite as designed to pierce more than it’s more of a bludgeoning hit. Plus your–

LAURA: Plus my regular?

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: 13.

MATT: So 13 damage to the rider, all right.

LAURA: Plus six for the Hunter’s Mark. One.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: And then I’ve got him grappled?

MATT: And so as the arrow hits, it pierces the shoulder for a second, it causes it to push off the shoulder as it retracts behind it. You pull back and it catches the shoulder. You’re yanking?

LAURA: Yeah, for my second action I want to pull him off.

MATT: All right, go ahead and make an athletics check.

LAURA: Okay.



MARISHA: Tug-of-war.


MARISHA: Batman.

SAM: You’ve got inspiration.

LAURA: Oh, well, okay. 16. Should I use my inspiration? Yeah?

TRAVIS: Do it!


LAURA: Okay, so that’s 23.

MATT: 23. So using the inspiration that Scanlan had given you, you grab the arrow and yank with all your might. The tiny halfling form on there clutches for dear life onto the harness that is on top of this wyvern, but it’s not enough as its fingers are pulled from its grip and it’s yanked off the front, toppling ass over teakettle, landing prone on the ground next to the captain that it attempted to fling from the side of the ship.


MATT: Grappling hook partially embedded in the back of its shoulder blade.

TRAVIS: Outstanding.


LAURA: I’m still holding the rope– holding on.

MATT: You are, yes. All right.

LAURA: That’s my whole action, right? That’s everything I can do?

MATT: That would be your action, yeah. That whole process.

LAURA: Okay.

SAM: (sings) This is the music that plays when things get really exciting.

MATT: (laughs) All right. This guard comes over here, returns to his base where he had set up. The griffon is right there in front of him. He gets the bolt that’s been set up there, aims it up, and is going to fire almost point-blank into the griffon as it turns around.

SAM: And he misses.

MARISHA: Come on.

MATT: That’s a natural 20.


TALIESIN: Way to go, nameless guard!

LAURA: Yeah, go NPC!

MATT: And 2d6, double sixes.

MARISHA: You’re a badass, nameless NPC.

MATT: So as the guard turns around and releases the bolt, the griffon is flying up over the edge of the ship, getting away from the buffeting winds of the druid. As it turns around, a bolt just pierces its chest, the sheer impact sending it flying backward as it screeches, plummets off the side of the ship to slowly find itself to its doom in the watery grave below in the ocean.

LAURA: Next to a tiny rabbit swimming around.

MATT: Next to a tiny rabbit. That griffon took a bolt to its chest, that is nasty. All right. This other guard is going to–

LAURA: And the Hunter’s Mark is on the little halfling thing, not the wyvern, just so you know.

MATT: Yes.

LAURA: Oh no, our music went away again.

MARISHA: Is that like the only track we have?

MATT: One track is having problems with audio, apparently. I’ll fix it later.

SAM: Matt, do everything now.

MATT: I know. By the way, we have some great audio tracks that some fans have sent that I’m going to be incorporating into our playlist soon.

LAURA: Oh, that’s cool!

MATT: So if any of you guys are musicians and you want to create music for the show, feel free to send it to us. You know, atmospheric, not too dynamic, you’ve heard the types we have on here, so in that realm, please send it.

SAM: Polka, polka. Lots of polka.

TRAVIS: Slow jams.

LAURA: Slow jams for Scanlan in the boudoir.

LIAM: Ska, we’ve been getting a lot of ska.

TALIESIN: Dubstep.

MATT: All right. Vax, you’re up.

LIAM: I’m having trouble seeing through the fog of war, a.k.a. my iPad. How close is that wyvern to me?

MATT: Right there? He is only ten, 11 feet from you.

LIAM: All right. Okay, so straight up, dagger-dagger-dagger.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: Do I have advantage?

MATT: No, you do not have advantage. It is flying.

LIAM: All right, that’s 20 on the first with my keen.

MATT: That hits.

LIAM: Hits. That is ten points of damage. Second dagger, 25.

MATT: That hits.

LIAM: That is seven points of damage, and my third dagger, all the way from New Jersey, is a 20.

MATT: That hits.

SAM: Trenton.

LIAM: They were really all ones. That is a ten.

MATT: Ten damage, all right. So as you just manage to catch yourself on the edge of the ship as it’s listing. From this angle, the wyvern that pushed off the side is now flapping its wings and preparing its claws to go for another dive attack. You reach back and your daggers, which have returned to your belt, you fling all three as they spiral through the air. First one strikes its torso, the second one hits it in the neck, and as it rears up, looking at you angrily with its fangs bared like it’s now changed its direction towards you, the final one hits it in the head. Plummets backward.

LIAM: That’s how we do it in Weehawken, New Jersey motherfucker!

MATT: All right. Vax, do you want to move, are you good there?

LIAM: I am going to– no I’m going to jog backwards towards the– I can’t see. Who’s around the wyvern up at the end of the boat?

TRAVIS: Nobody.

SAM: Scanlan? Oh.

MATT: Nobody over here.

TRAVIS: Nobody’s at the front.

LIAM: Nobody at the back?

SAM: The back?

MATT: No, there is–

LAURA: A little halfling dude.

MATT: One of the bandits is still there on the side of the ship.

LIAM: I have a potion, I’m going to drink it.

MATT: All right, go for it.

MARISHA: Is that bandit hanging on, is that the deal?

MATT: Technically it’s an action to drink it, but it’s fine, I’ll let you do it.

LAURA: You’re in New Jersey.

LIAM: No no no, I don’t want to do that. No, I definitely don’t want to do that. I’m going to run over by– I’m going to run back by Keyleth.

MATT: Okay. With Haste, you get there easily. Keyleth, who is just a buffeting wind cyclone.

MARISHA: Come be protected by my sweet wind gusts, yo.

MATT: Tiberius, you’re up.

ORION: Okay. I take my staff–

MATT: Get up to your feet, yep.

ORION: – push myself up. I’ll– I don’t know, guys, I don’t–

LAURA: Do something to that big wyvern. Get rid of him.

MATT: The entire ship is right here listing on the side.


ORION: Get rid of the wyvern?

LIAM: Do something amazing.

LAURA: All we’ve got are two little bandits after that.

SAM: Just do the best move you’ve ever done in your life.

ORION: Okay. I’m going to– first I’ll do Telekinesis again to attempt to do what I did the first time. Nothing fancy because whatever, and I’ll try and rip off the wyvern’s wings again from his body.

MATT: Okay.

ORION: Or one of them, if it’s easier.

MATT: All right. Go ahead and make a roll.

TRAVIS: Yeah, one would do it.


ORION: That is 22.

MATT: 22. Okay. Go ahead and roll 3d6 points of damage. You don’t manage to tear the wing off, but you do manage to pull its flesh, and you can see you’ve caused the joint where it’s attached now tearing open, revealing bone and fleshy tissue beneath.

ORION: That’ll be nine, ten.

MARISHA: That’s like the most average, that was like exactly average.

ORION: Yeah. Ten.

MATT: It’s tearing open.

ORION: And I see that and I turn to Vax and I go, I like what you were doing earlier. And I spend five sorcerer points, I cast Telekinesis again, and I take out eight of the daggers that are in my pouch and I hover them around me and then I start (stabbing noises) towards the wyvern where I see all the bone shit is.

MARISHA: He’s making sushi.

ORION: And I’m hucking my– back and forth, bringing them back and forth.

MATT: Just so you’re aware, Telekinesis is a concentration spell, you don’t have to keep recasting it.

ORION: Oh, I don’t? It’s just going?

MATT: Yeah.

ORION: Oh, well then. Fucking that’s what’s going on, and I spend five to do it again.

MATT: Just letting you know. Okay.

ORION: Because can I do that all in one action? Do that and then with the daggers?

MATT: I mean, no no. To do the daggers you would have to cast it again, the sorcerer points give you another action.

ORION: That’s okay, so I did it right.

MATT: All right.

ORION: Yeah, so.

MATT: But it wouldn’t use another expenditure, yeah. Normally you can just concentrate each round, do an action with it, so.

ORION: Got it.

MATT: All right, so you just fling all the daggers at it?

ORION: Yeah, and I’m pulling them back and forth through that tear in the wing which I just caused.

MATT: Okay. I’ll say, go ahead and make four spell attack rolls. So roll a d20, adding your spell attack modifier.

ORION: Four times?

MATT: Yeah. So whatever your spell attack modifier is.

ORION: So my attack modifier is, the spell attack bonus, is that what I want?

MATT: Yeah.

ORION: That’s 23, 24, 25, 26. And that’s– what is that?

SAM: Wait, is it just the d20 plus the modifier?

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: Okay.

ORION: Yeah, and then 18 plus–

SAM: That’s 20.

ORION: That’s 30, 31, 32. Because I get plus three on all attacks because of the gear I’m wearing also. And then seven plus that is 18, 21, and then that is 15, 17, 18.

LAURA: I have no idea what’s happening anymore.

TRAVIS: That’s a lot of numbers. Lot of numbers.

ORION: So my spell attack bonus is 11. Plus three because of all the gear I have on.

ASHLEY: I’m getting a donut.

ORION: On top of those. That goes to my spell attack bonus. Which is what this is, right?

MATT: Right, well, your bonus is, it’s your proficiency modifier plus your stat modifier, which is your charisma, which is five, and your proficiency, which is four. So it would be nine.

ORION: So how do I have– oh! I’m sorry.

MARISHA: Maybe you were counting this in.

ORION: I’m counting this in. So minus one from all those totals.

MATT: That’s okay, they all still hit. So go ahead and roll 4d4 plus 20. As each dagger is now being jammed into the creature’s open wound through the power of your telekinetic force.

ORION: That’s– three, 13, eight? Eight?

MATT: 20, total of 28.

ORION: Okay, yeah, 28.

MATT: Takes plus five to each, so 28 points of damage. As its wing is being torn apart, the daggers do streak through, many of which are missing its form as you’re just flinging them all at it, and then as they go straight past it, you turn the Telekinesis back and you yank them back through. As they tear through, you see most of the wing is torn open and the flesh is now just exposed to the air, the wind’s buffeting it around. It’s looking extremely rough and is beginning– it’s on the ground currently, but it looks like it’s not going to be able to fly right now. It is completely incapable of flight with the way you damaged the wing.

ORION: As I see this, I’m going to just hover all the daggers over the prone dude and right over his face to keep him there.

MATT: All right. Grog.

TRAVIS: I pull myself back up on the ship.

MATT: Okay, so that’s half your movement, you still have 20 feet of movement.

TRAVIS: I look up and I see that everyone’s got that wyvern taken care of, and I turn my gaze back to that little halfling in front of Vex. I’d like to move to him, please.

MATT: All right. He is ten feet up, so you’re going to have to make a couple– two athletics checks to leap up towards him in your rage.

SAM: Two athletics checks.

TRAVIS: Yes! Okay. 23?

MATT: All right, and the second one?

TRAVIS: Yes! Sorry. 19.

MATT: All right. Like a lumbering barbarian, you get up on the thing and then just Hulk-jump twice, landing next to it, as–

TRAVIS: Trembling, raging in the face, I reach and I pick him up by the top of his shirt, give him a sniff, and fucking chuck him off the side of the ship.

MATT: All right. Make another athletics check to try and grapple him.

TRAVIS: Do I get advantage on strength checks when I’m raging? Advantage on strength checks, strength saving throws?

MATT: Does it give you bonuses, or advantage on strength checks?

TRAVIS: Yes, when I rage. It says strength checks.

MATT: Yeah, you would.


MATT: So yeah, you would have an advantage on this.

TRAVIS: (laughs) That’s even better, that’s a 24.

MATT: 24. All right. So as you stand there with your axe up, you set the axe down, reach out and grab the halfling, who you see has this scarred face and it looks really haggard for a halfling. Its existence is not in the most comfortable places, especially to be out in the middle of the ocean like this. You grab it and for a moment its anger, seething, turns to sudden fear as it looks over the side.

TRAVIS: You fucked up!

MATT: And just goes plummeting off the side.

LAURA: Oh man.

TALIESIN: Poor life choices, yay!

MARISHA: Why did I get in this line of work?

TRAVIS: Can we interrogate the last one?

LAURA: Yeah, I think we don’t attack the last dude, just kill the wyvern.

TRAVIS: I’m good.

MATT: All right. Keyleth.

MARISHA: So everyone seems– the only thing that’s left is the wyvern, right?

MATT: Currently.

LAURA: And one little halfling that I’ve got a rope on.

MARISHA: Oh, one you’ve got a rope on? And is the ship still like ahhh?

MATT: Still listing, yeah.

MARISHA: It’s still a little crooked?

MATT: Yeah, it’s still on the side, and it’s slowly rotating as there’s nobody at the helm.

MARISHA: Okay. I, in my air form, I’m going to fly over. I’ll go through, and I’m going to use just my air form to lift underneath of the boat and try and stabilize it.

MATT: Okay. Go ahead and make an athletics check using the air elemental’s strength.

MARISHA: Okay. Use my air dice. Eight.

MATT: Using all the force of your elemental air, you push and push, but this ship is extremely heavy, and this side of it, all the weight, because the two other sides are given essentially an anti-gravity force from the arcane, all the weight is being pushed into this one corner. Outside of a natural 20, you would not be able to help this at all, unfortunately.

MARISHA: Outside of a natural 20, wow.

LIAM: But maybe!

MATT: You never know, that could have been really epic! That could’ve been really epic.


SAM: Instead it was just okay.

MARISHA: Well, I learn that the boat’s heavy as shit.

MATT: Yeah you do.

MARISHA: That’s what I learned this turn.

TALIESIN: In one of 20 dimensions, you’re awesome right now.

MARISHA: Thanks.

MATT: It’s okay. You essentially one-shotted a wyvern.


MATT: You bunny-one-shotted a wyvern.

MARISHA: Oh, it’s okay, I don’t need, you know, comfort.

TRAVIS: Validation?

MATT: I know.

MARISHA: Don’t need validation. Save it for Orion.

MATT: No, I just wanted to bring it up again. I just wanted to bring it up again, because I think it’s the most ridiculous death to a wyvern ever.

ASHLEY: Death by bunny.

MATT: Okay. This wyvern, looking at the circumstance, takes off. Tries to fly and can’t.

TRAVIS: Oh, it can’t fly?

MATT: No, because its wing is messed up from Tiberius, so it steps around to the only thing it can reach, which is you, Scanlan.

SAM: That’s fine.

MATT: Coming at you with a bite and its stinger again, because it can’t use its claws. That is a–

SAM: And I sing my little Cutting Words song to–

MATT: Okay, against which attack?

SAM: I’m sorry?

MATT: Against which attack?

SAM: Oh, he has two attacks?

MATT: He has a bite and a stinger.

SAM: Against the stinger.

MATT: The bite is a 22 to hit.

SAM: Oh, he hits.

MATT: All right. You take 14 points of piercing damage.

SAM: Okay.

LIAM: Scanlan!

MATT: Its entire mouth just opens up and clamps down onto your shoulder and torso. As it’s holding you in place, you try and pull back as its tail whips towards you. Go ahead and make your roll.

SAM: What do I roll?

MATT: Roll a d10, and that’s whatever the attack is reduced by.

ORION: That’s an eight.

MATT: d10.

ORION: That’s d10. Yes! That’s ten!

SAM: Zero?

MATT: That’s ten.

SAM: Ten, okay. Ten.

MATT: All right. So it rolled a 24 to hit.

SAM: That goes down to 14.

MATT: To 14.

SAM: My armor class is 15.

TRAVIS: Yeah, amazing!

ORION: Your armor class is 17.

SAM: I’m also wearing a necklace which makes it 17.

MARISHA: Your armor class is 17.

ORION: Your armor class is 17.

MATT: Oh, snap.

SAM: So I’m okay. From that.

MARISHA: Did you write that down?

SAM: Well I wrote the armor and then there was apparently some necklace that I forgot about.

ORION: Yeah, he’s had a plus two and the armor, plus three to his AC, which was 14, so that’s 17.

LAURA: Seriously?

SAM: Amulet of Natural Armor, I didn’t realize. I can give it–

MARISHA: I know, I don’t feel bad about taking the ring.

MATT: Well, fair enough. So, as it’s clamping down on you, its tail whips in the air– what words are you going to throw?

SAM: (sings) And you miss me like the deserts miss the rain.

MATT: The wyvern, who is still clamped down on your body, its one eye opens up and goes, you hear an audible (hruh?). And as its tail swings towards you, it just hits the ground next to you, slamming into the wood. Entirely distracted by your sudden lack of fear and display of beautiful musical voice. Misses you. That ends its turn. Percy, you’re up.

TALIESIN: All right, I’m taking out the Pepperbox. I’m going to turn towards it, and just unload.

MATT: All right, go for it.

ORION: Shoot that load, Percy.

LIAM: Finish it.


MARISHA: Unleash that load.


ORION: Damn it, I wasn’t–

MATT: Ten? Total ten?

TALIESIN: Total ten.

MATT: Nope.

LIAM: You’re the closer, Percy.


LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: That hits. You only get two attacks, though.

TALIESIN: I’m using my bonus action.

MATT: Oh, you mean you’re using your action surge?

TALIESIN: Using my action surge.

MATT: Okay. So you get four attacks.

TALIESIN: That misses. And then 19.

MATT: That’s two hits.

TALIESIN: Yeah, that’s two hits. I was also using my sharpshooter mode for that so that I can do some extra damage, and that’s… Number one, that’s–

LAURA: Kill all the things.

TALIESIN: 20 points of damage plus one point of ice damage.

MATT: All righty.

SAM: It’s the ice damage that’s going to do it.


TALIESIN: And the next one is–

SAM: Ooh, cold.

LAURA: Ooh, it’s a little chilly.

TALIESIN: 25 points of damage and one point of fire damage.

MATT: How do you want to do this?


TRAVIS: The closer!

MARISHA: The closer.

TALIESIN: Western-style, I’m just going to–

TRAVIS: Yeah, fan the fucking hammer.

TALIESIN: I’m going to fan the hammer, I’m going to just tear that wing off.

MATT: So with each successive blast, even the ones that don’t immediately impact, the first blast hits and explodes across its shoulder joint, as you see the rest of the flesh that Tiberius had already weakened gets severed entirely, the wing flung off the side of the ship and disappearing in the wind beneath. As it rears back in pain, the second one hits its side, the third one strikes it on the other wing, and as it rears back in pain, its mouth open to the sky in this screeching death-rattle, the final blast hits it under the chin, leaving a gaping hole under its neck as it steps back and then tumbles off the edge of the ship, vanishing below.

TRAVIS: Attacked the wrong ship.

MARISHA: Wait wait wait. Can I catch it as an air elemental and bring it back up?

MATT: You are under the ship currently, you see the wyvern (whoosh) below. You dive for it. Go ahead and make an athletics check.

TALIESIN: Oh look, everyone, we still have one to interrogate. Isn’t that nice?


MATT: You try to grab it, but your air form doesn’t have quite, and it just swoops through–

MARISHA: Oh, I’m an air elemental, shit shit shit.

MATT: – and disappears towards the ocean below.

MARISHA: Forgot.

MATT: As the captain gets up, the other halfling, which you can see is dressed in ragged robes, and has cloth wrapped across its face.

LAURA: I pull the arrow so it wraps up in the rope.

MATT: The guards are there with their weapons drawn. You can– currently there is still the spear that’s jammed in the side that’s sparking, causing the whole ship to list.

MARISHA: Can I try and get that out?

MATT: Yeah, as you swing up you go ahead and manage to, as your air elemental form, pull the strange thing off the edge of the ship, at which point the blue stone comes back online and the ship rights itself.

LAURA: I thought it was cracked or something.

MATT: Now you know.

LAURA: We need to check on that box. Now.

SAM: Oh yeah, that other wyvern was gone for a while.

TALIESIN: I’ll go check, you interrogate.

TRAVIS: We haven’t seen any of them come out of that room.

MATT: All right. So.

TALIESIN: If they were clever, they didn’t leave the room.

ASHLEY: If these are, like he said, a distraction…

TALIESIN: I’m going to run down and check the box.

MATT: This halfling is currently on the side right now, the one guard holding it. Who’s going downstairs?

TALIESIN: I’m going downstairs.

TRAVIS: And I’ll go to the halfling.

ASHLEY: Liam, where are you at?

LAURA: He’s in New Jersey.

LIAM: Last time I spoke, I was by Keyleth. I’m just following her lead.

ASHLEY: Are you okay health-wise?

LIAM: I’m all right. Been better, I’ve been worse.

MATT: So you went over to the halfling. What do you want to do?

TRAVIS: I would like to pick him up, not chuck him, but pick him up and hold him ever-so-gently over the side and say, My, my, it does seem like a long way down. What the fuck are you doing attacking this ship?

ORION: As he says that, I hover the daggers.

MATT: All right. Roll an intimidation check with advantage because of Tiberius’s–

SAM: Don’t worry, if you fail I can intimidate him.

LAURA: Do you have a beard today? He definitely has a beard today.


MATT: On both rolls?

TRAVIS: 16 on the advantage roll.

MATT: Oh, got you, okay. All right, so the halfling, which you now look, appears to be female. The cloth drops from its face. You can see the teeth are broken and rotted. This is not a city-going folk. “Please, please don’t, just let me live. Let me live.”

TRAVIS: Let you live? Oh!

MATT: “Guh! Stop it, stop it!”

TRAVIS: It was such a hard battle, I’m shaking.

MATT: Starts crying in your grasp.

ORION: If you wish to live, answer our giant friend who asked you a rather polite question.

MATT: “What was the question again?”

TRAVIS: You know, my hands are so sweaty, I’m afraid you’ll slip if you don’t tell me what you were doing attacking this ship.

MATT: “We live in an island below. We usually just hit ships that come through this channel, this pass. Pirating, if you will. Take money, things that we can, and run. Usually it’s just quick hits and go. We couldn’t pass up the opportunity. We managed to acquire a few things to help, and we’ve only harried one other skyship. Once we saw you, we knew there had to be some sort of riches involved.”

LAURA: Insight check?

LIAM: 16.

LAURA: 20.

MATT: Extremely scared, extremely honest, in a mode of trying to stay alive at this point in time.

ASHLEY: So nobody hired you?

MATT: “No, no, haven’t been to a city in years. I told you, we have an island below, it’s a cavern we live in. We just come up and out to grab what we can to survive.”

LAURA: Captain Damon, what do you propose we do with this thief-pirate?

MATT: Captain Damon, who’s gone back to the ship to try and get it back on course, is currently turning it around. “To be perfectly honest, I usually throw them overboard. But if you see–”


MATT: (screams)

TRAVIS: If you want him, you can catch him. Her.

LAURA: Grog!

TRAVIS: What? The captain said he’d throw him over.

SAM: Her.

TRAVIS: Her over.

LAURA: It was a girl, it was a poor little girl halfling. Oh wait, I still have the grapple arrow.

MATT: You do. As the rope’s going (unraveling rope)–

LAURA: No, I’m still holding on still, so she’s dangling? Can I catch her?

MATT: Currently, yes. As you look over– actually, let me–

SAM: Does she have an arrow through her arm?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Yes. In a very painful way she is currently held by her shoulder blade, which now has–

LAURA: But it was wrapped around her, so maybe it didn’t hurt quite as bad.

MATT: It hurt pretty bad.

LAURA: I pull her up. I look at Grog. Really?

TRAVIS: What he’s thinking, I’m doing.

LAURA: Really? I pull her up.

MATT: You pull her up. She’s bleeding out and is looking pretty rough.

LAURA: Oh shit, maybe we should’ve let her drop.

TRAVIS: Oh, really? I pick her up–

LAURA: No, no. No.

TRAVIS: Put her back down.

LAURA: What, should we put her in a prison cell? I don’t know what to do with her now that we have her.

LIAM: Heal her and put her to work. She’s probably been out of work.

LAURA: What do you think, little one? You want a real job, maybe brush your teeth?

SAM: She can replace the guard that they killed.

MATT: She’s on one knee, going, “Anything.”

LAURA: Anything.

MATT: “Anything. Just don’t drop me.” Looking over at Grog again. “Don’t drop me.”

LAURA: Be afraid of him.

MATT: “Don’t drop me.”

LAURA: Be very afraid. Pike, do you want to heal her?

ASHLEY: Well. Come here.

ORION: Are we in agreement, we are saving this one?

MARISHA: I guess so.

SAM: I’m going to go through her pockets, make sure she’s not hiding any weapons to attack us.

MARISHA: To be fair, we did lose one over the edge, so we might need another crew member.

LAURA: That’s true.

ASHLEY: Well, what’s your name?

MATT: “Teera.”

LAURA: Teera.

ASHLEY: Teera. How old are you?

MATT: “I don’t know.”

LAURA AND SAM: Oh, that’s so sad.

MATT: She looks in her maybe twenties or thirties? Up close you can see, just a harsh life in the harsh elements. She looks older than she is, but there’s a youthfulness to her.

LAURA: Her breath is really really bad, maybe you can heal her teeth while you’re at it.

SAM: Teera, empty your pockets. I give her a quick pat-down to make sure she’s not carrying any daggers or anything.

MATT: There are a few rusty hidden blades and a coin purse that contains four gold.

SAM: Sweet.

ASHLEY: Four gold.

SAM: I take it.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: You can earn your wage on this ship, if you behave.

MATT: “All right. All right.”

TRAVIS: If you don’t. (falling sound)

SAM: He means he’ll throw you overboard.

LIAM: You can have a real life here, little one.

LAURA: Yeah.

LIAM: That’s your past. This is your future.

MATT: And she slinks over towards the doorways that lead into the lower part of the deck. As you guys lead Teera in, the captain has regained control of the ship, and you guys head in to check in on the room where the–

TALIESIN: I’m knocking on the door. “All right? Desona?”

LAURA: Lady Kima?

TALIESIN: Lady Kima? Hello?

MATT: The door opens and they’re still sitting in the back by the box with their weapons at the ready and Kima looks at the door. “Is everything all right?”

TALIESIN: Yes, pirates. We’ve taken care of it.

MATT: “Good.” And she’s rubbing her head. You can see there’s a little trickle of blood on her head, apparently when the ship listed, they all slipped in the room as well.

TRAVIS: Is she hurt?

TALIESIN: Do you need anything, is everything all right?

MATT: “Ah, it’s fine.” She reaches up and touches her head, you can see there’s a slight warm glow of divine energy and the blood flow stops.

TALIESIN: Almost feels like cheating. Okay. As long as everything is fine, there was no incidents, nothing unusual?

MATT: “Nothing, nothing, I’ve kept a very close watch.”

TALIESIN: Excellent. I’ll report upstairs, then.

MATT: “Very well.”

TALIESIN: Carry on.

ASHLEY: Really, the box is fine? For sure?

TALIESIN: Everybody seemed fine, they said no events, nothing–

LAURA: This fricking gnat in this fricking room.

MARISHA: I know, it was trolling over here.

ASHLEY: Should we do insight? I don’t know.

TALIESIN: Guards in a room, I mean really.

ASHLEY: I know, all right, all right.

TALIESIN: My insight was the box was still there.

ORION: I cast Prestidigitation on the little halfling and clean her up real quick.

MATT: Okay. As she’s going inside, she watches her form–

LAURA: It feels like little fishes, doesn’t it?

MATT: She sounds tickled and scared at the same time. But the clothing cleans up. It’s still tattered, and she looks a little cleaner. Most of the dirt’s gone, but she still looks weathered, her skin’s darker from a lot of sun.

ORION: I was mainly working on the smell.

MATT: Ah. That’s taken care of. She looks to you. “Thanks.”

ORION: A proper bath will be better, but–

LAURA: Is she healed? Did you heal her?

ASHLEY: Yeah. Yeah, I did.

MARISHA: I drop the elemental form.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: No longer a tornado.

MATT: We’ll say as you guys all head back underneath the ship to go ahead and right yourselves for the remainder of the journey, we’ll call the game for the evening there.



TALIESIN: Welcome back, everybody.

TRAVIS: Great map, man.

LAURA: That’s so cool!

TRAVIS: That shit looks awesome.

MARISHA: I know, it’s so cool!

MATT: You guys handled that pretty damn well.

TALIESIN: This is way better than E3.

LAURA: He’s definitely trying to kill us.

TRAVIS: Only one of us got thrown off the ship, and she could fly.

MARISHA: I know! It was nice.

MATT: Yeah, they had no idea you were a druid. You were the closest one to the griffons.

MARISHA: I’m okay, I’m okay.

TRAVIS: Normally that’s me, just right off.

TALIESIN: We never liked her anyway, whatever.

[end of game]

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