FANDOM


List of Transcripts

Pre-ShowEdit

SAM: – is today’s sponsor. A leading publisher of science fiction and fantasy for over 30 years. That’s almost as old as I am. Do you like magic? Pirates? Knives? Royals and adventure? Then check out Shades of Magic, the series from Tor Books. The conclusion of which, A Conjuring of Light, was just released, so check out the full three-book series. Go to, there’s a promo link somewhere on this page– I’m gonna say right there. Let’s say right there.

TRAVIS: Yeah, sure!

SAM: So check that out. And the thing about sponsors, guys, is we really need to show them our love. And really show them that we appreciate what they do for us every week. They’re a big part of the show, without them we would– For instance, without sponsors, Taliesin would only be able to dye his hair platinum blond or brown.

TALIESIN: Oh, no.

MARISHA: It’s true.

TALIESIN: It’s called Malibu Sunset.

SAM: Yeah. Laura’s dice budget would go way down. Instead of throwing away 250 dice a week, it would maybe be more like 240, 230.

LAURA: Oh God. Terrible.

SAM: I mean, Liam might have to go back to shaving his beard and selling the beard shavings to those in need.

MATT: To be fair, it was worth it. Look at them on my shelf.

SAM: I have just a few ideas for ways that you guys could show your love for our sponsors. Take them out for a candlelit dinner. I’m not talking Bennigan’s, I’m talking something high-end. Shake Shack, Outback, maybe even P.F. Chang’s. How about sending some romantic texts to spice things up? Keep it classy, like: Hey, Critical Role Sponsor, I wish you could be with me right now. Or, I had a dream last night, and Critical Role Sponsor? You were in it. And hey, compliments always help. Critical Role Sponsor, do you have a map? ‘Cause I’m getting lost in your eyes. Or: Hey, Critical Role Sponsor, of all the beautiful curves on your body, I’m most in love with your smile. Or even: Critical Role Sponsor, on a scale of one to ten, you’re a nine, and I’m the one you need.

MARISHA: Don’t use that one, either, in real life.

TALIESIN: That would work on me.

SAM: Or you could just go to their website and buy their products.

(all cheer)

SAM: So, Tor Books, thanks so much.

MATT: Thank you, Tor Books, and thank you to all those mentioned restaurants that will never be a sponsor for us now, and it’s probably for the best.

TRAVIS: The Bennigan’s and the Monte Cristo.

LAURA: Oh man, I hit up Bennigan’s a lot.

MATT: I know, I was holding out for the P.F. Chang’s but, y'know. Thank you so much, Sam, and thank you, Tor Books, for being our awesome sponsor tonight. Make sure to check out A Conjuring of Light, now available to you. All right, next up, the new episode of GM Tips is out. It came out today and this one is about suggestions on homebrewing content for your systems in game. I have, I think, three more episodes that are going on in the coming weeks, so look forward to those.

MARISHA: And then we hand it off to someone awesome.

MATT: Exactly. We have a new person stepping in, after those episodes, showing their own flavor to the series. I’m excited about that.

MARISHA: Because you can only learn so much from one teacher.

MATT: Exactly.

MARISHA: The best teachers will teach you that.

MATT: Yep.

TRAVIS: The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles only had Master Splinter.

MARISHA: Shut. Up.

TRAVIS: Daniel-san only had Mr. Miyagi.

MARISHA: This is the real world, okay? This isn’t fantasy.

SAM: They were homeschooled, okay?

MATT: And how many times did they have to reboot that to make it work?

TRAVIS: That’s a good point.

MATT: Eventually ending with the Michael Bay films. So check out that episode of GM Tips. As a reminder to all you guys looking to homebrew: It’s hard. It’s time consuming. It’s not for everybody.

LAURA: But it’s so rewarding, Matthew.

MATT: It can be rewarding.

LIAM: Could you do it different though?

MATT: Ugh. So check out the episode knowing that, and we’ll have next week’s episode next Wednesday.

TALIESIN: Your other friends tell me that they miss you too. So yeah.

MARISHA: Mm-hm. That’s true.

MATT: Yeah, I know. I’ll see people again soon. Also, I wanted to give a shout-out. We’re in the final 24-hour stretch for the Pillars of Eternity II: Deadfire crowdsourced campaign. So if you haven’t yet, or you have interest in seeing the sequel to that, go and check it out. They’re doing a final 24-hour stream over on Obsidian’s stream channel, of course after our episode tonight. Go give them some love. And last, I have my list here, I was just able to announce that I voice Deadshot in the upcoming Justice 2.

(all cheer)

MATT: Coming out in mid-May.

LAURA: I play Supergirl!

MATT: Yeah! Fantástico! So look forward to that. There may be some more surprises as the cast is announced progressively down the road. Super happy to be a part of it.

LAURA: Super happy.

TALIESIN and MARISHA: (groan)

MATT: I need more alcohol.

(all laugh)

TRAVIS: Immediately.

MATT: Immediately. Taliesin, you wanted to mention something about your new show?

TALIESIN: Yeah, we had the very first episode of The Wednesday Club this week.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

TALIESIN: I have now had eight hours of sleep, which is pretty magical.

MARISHA: It was so good.

TALIESIN: It was fun. And we’re gonna be back this week with our next episode. We’re actually gonna be talking about a lot of things, including characters with mental health issues in comic books, both superhero and otherwise. Including Legion, from the X-Men, who has currently got a show on FX which is magical.

TRAVIS: Yeah he does. It’s really good.

MATT: It’s really, really good. Holy shit.

TALIESIN: It’s so good. So tune in, it’s noon ‘til two on Wednesdays, on the twitch stream where you probably are right now.

MATT: Noon ‘til two Pacific.

TALIESIN: And I think we bumped it to Alpha, but I don’t remember, maybe not. And then it’ll be on the rebroadcast if you wanna see it, but it’s gonna be a lot of fun. Matt Key and Amy Dallen will be there, it’s gonna be great.

MATT: Cool. Thank you, Taliesin. If nobody else has anything else to say…

TRAVIS: Cheese is for everybody. Not just me.

SAM: Did you just say Jesus for everybody?

TRAVIS: Cheese.

MARISHA: Cheez Its?

LIAM: Jesus for everybody.

MATT: Cheezits Christ for everybody.

TRAVIS: Cheez Its Crust.

(all laugh)

MATT: Without further ado, let’s bring us into tonight’s episode of Critical Role.

(opening credits)

Part IEdit

MATT: Hello, and welcome back. So, picking up where we last left off. Vox Machina, having defeated the Chroma Conclave, and restoring order and, for the time being, peace to the landscape of Tal'Dorei, resurrected your friend, Scanlan Shorthalt. However, he realized he needed some time to himself, to both connect with his interest in direction and life, and with his estranged illegitimate daughter, Kaylie. Upon leaving, the party proceeded to find their way to close all the loose ends that they hadn’t quite had time to get to with the Conclave’s assault. That involved returning the ashes of Senokir’s wife to Vasselheim, and then making your way to Ank'Harel to deliver the hands of Ripley to the Scarbearers guild. On your way there you encountered a new adventurer, Taryon Darrington, who was looking to join an adventuring group for experience–

LIAM: He’s my favorite.

MATT: Yes, he’s the best. He paid his way into your service and upon being returned to Whitestone you gave him a hazing, which broke him enough to be a little more honest with his reasoning for going on this adventure.

LAURA: Let’s not call it a hazing. It was an audition.

MATT: It was an audition, it was a brutal audition.

MARISHA: (singing) Don’t call it a comeback!

MATT: There you go. In which, knowing more about your new companion, you accepted him for the time being, understanding the dangers that are involved in following your path and he accepted. You made your way to Emon, looking as a way to find passage towards Vesrah, the home of the Water Ashari and the hopeful completion of Keyleth’s AraMente. Upon finding and hiring a crew under the Captain Adella, you made your way onto your new ship and began to traverse westward onto the Ozmit Sea.

TRAVIS: Shit, we’re on a boat. We’re on a boat motherfuckers!

MARISHA: (singing) Don’t you ever forget!

(all laugh)

MATT: There is that.

LIAM: We are noble creatures.

MATT: So.

TRAVIS: (gasps) I hear the ocean.

SAM: That’s someone snoring.

(all laugh)

TALIESIN: It’s a rainstick.

MATT: So you guys have been at sea for a handful of days. It’s been relatively uneventful. The boat slowly rocks, as the waters of the Ozmit are much calmer by comparison to that of the Lucidian Ocean. Making them a much more popular trade route pass between the various continents on this side of Exandria. Now the slow rocking of the boat, across the somewhat choppy waters, leads some of you into a relaxing lull over these days. Others, into perpetual bouts of nausea. But you notice that Captain Adella runs a relatively tight ship. Her crew works like clockwork, at her order, and the skies are thankfully clear these first few days, and the journey so far is mild. What would you guys like to– Is there anything you wish to accomplish as you are traveling across the sea?

TALIESIN: I’ve got a little bit of sketching, and working on something simple, that I might even try and build while I’m here.

MARISHA: I’ll catch up on some reading, I guess. Some of my alchemy reading.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Stephen King novel.

MARISHA: From I’ve been doing, trying to make that better.

MATT: Fair enough. Anyone else?

LIAM: I have been sort of shadowing Grog for a couple of days, 'cause he doesn’t have any gnomes to hang out with.

TRAVIS: Oh that’s right. Oh, fuck, it’s real when you said it!

LIAM: I have been playing Boulder, Parchment, Shears, and telling him stories.

TRAVIS: The non-violent kind.

LIAM: Yes, yes. Just hanging out, off and on.

MATT: Okay. Vex?

LAURA: I guess I’ve been trying to get to know Tary a little bit better. And also flying like Vex-Kite behind the ship.

MATT: Okay. And Taryon?

SAM: Lots of push-ups, trying to beef up my pecs. I also, at the start of every day, I’m going to take two of those– I have a bunch of silver coins that I carry around with me, and I’m gonna cast a couple of spells into them, just to have them at the ready. I cast Fly into one and Blur into the other.

MATT: Okay, good to know.

SAM: And then I would probably wander down to good old Percy, and just ask him if he needs help with any tinkering.

TALIESIN: Oh yeah, no, I wanna see what he has, too. Like, there’s gonna be some trading. I’ll show stuff.

MATT: I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours?

TALIESIN: Oh yeah.

MATT: Perfect. So, as the two tinkering nerds begin to reveal their secret inner interests, Vex, you, about three days into this venture, you catch what looks to be a dark spot right on the horizon. Midday, maybe like two o'clock in the afternoon, it’s a warm sun, this far, as you start moving westward and southward, you head closer to what would be the equator of the planet. It’s getting warmer, and the sea spray is coming up, the smell of seawater and brine occasionally meets your nose, as the ship hits the various waves as they come across, but you’re still keeping a keen eye out. And it’s just endless sea in all directions, you see no landmass, but you see a little bit of something appearing at the horizon.

LAURA: Like land, potentially?

MATT: It could very well be land.

LAURA: I guess I’ll fly down and– I’m gonna try and stay off the deck as much as possible, since it makes me so nauseous.

MATT: So you just glide around the–

LAURA: Yes.

TRAVIS: Your imaginary character is also nauseous.

LAURA: Potentially, yes.

TRAVIS: That’s a bummer.

LAURA: I know, right. Vex hasn’t had a lot of experience with ships, you know.

LIAM: Does your real self also get sea sick?

LAURA: I may have fed a couple sharks in my lifetime.

TRAVIS: She painted the ocean. It was amazing.

MARISHA: Ooh.

LAURA: I’m gonna fly down and tell Captain Adella.

MATT: Okay. Keeping an eye out, and as you move, you catch a little more of the shape in the distance. It looks a little small to be a landmass. If it is landmass, it’s a very small one.

LAURA: Oh.

MATT: But it’s stationary.

LAURA: Oh, it could be another ship, possibly.

MATT: It could be a ship, it could be anything that would be stationary. Literally, it’s only because of your keen vantage point, and your honed eyesight, that you’re able to even make that slight, little bump in the horizon from here.

LAURA: All right. Captain?

MATT: As you fly down, you see her, she’s at the front of the ship. She has her one hand currently on the wheel, and she’s looking out, chatting to the side with one of her crewmates, and turns around as you fly down next to her. She’s surprised at your immediate appearance and she’s like, “Oh, (gasps) sorry, I–”

LAURA: You’ll get used to that someday.

MATT: One of these days, I’m sure.

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: “What can I do for you?”

LAURA: I see something on the horizon; do you know of any masses in the area? Maybe a ship, or island, or–

MATT: “Take the helm.” She hands off the wheel to one of her compatriots, and she rummages over in one of the small chests to the side, and pulls out a large scroll and slams it onto a table she keeps maybe ten feet off to the right of her. And she goes through and pulls out a few instruments. Marks the sun and takes a good five minutes or so getting a really strong idea of where the positioning is. She looks down. “No, not much in the way of landmasses out here, my dear.”

LAURA: Do you have a telescope?

MATT: She goes and pulls out her particular eye glass. It’s small, but functional. Glances over, and you look over in the direction and point it out. There’s nothing on the horizon.

LAURA: May I take that and fly up? I swear I’ll give it back.

MATT: There’s a long pause–

LAURA: I’ve got nowhere to hide.

LIAM: Careful, butterfingers.

MATT: Passes it over.

LAURA: Up.

MATT: You take off, look up, extend it, keeping a close view. Go ahead and make a perception check.

TRAVIS: First one of the day.

LAURA: (screams) First one, first one, first one. Which of you?

TRAVIS: Set the tone. Roll like a champion.

LAURA: Okay, okay, okay, okay.

LIAM: Natural one, the spyglass has fallen in the ocean.

LAURA: Shut up, don’t say it out loud!

TRAVIS: Why did you go with the weenie one?

LAURA: Shut up. 21?

MATT: 21? Okay. You take a moment and glance out in the same direction you were, and you scan past the horizon. Nothing.

LAURA: Motherfuck. Well, I come back down. It went under water, whatever it was. Does that mean it was big enough to be some sort of sea monster? Was it a sea monster?

MATT: “I sincerely hope not, for all of our sakes. But, nevertheless, I’m gonna go ahead and have the men man our ballistas. Just to be safe.”

LAURA: How quickly do those things move?

MATT: “What things?”

LAURA: Sea monsters.

MATT: “Depends on the sea monster.”

LAURA: This one was very large.

MATT: “Hopefully slowly.” And she shouts off, “Full sail!” A bunch of the deckhands start pulling the ropes down, letting the sail come to a full– flutter of wind itself isn’t too terribly strong, but it’s enough to at least inflate the sails even further, and give a little more of a speedy direction.

LAURA: I wanna go back up and keep an eye, with the spyglass, on any kind of movement, that looks like it’s coming towards us.

MATT: Okay, cool. Some of her men go over and start loading the large ballistas to the back of the ship. Anybody else hanging out on the deck?

TRAVIS: Can I run to the bow of the ship? Heading for a new land.

LAURA: Oh wow.

TRAVIS: In New York you can– No, sorry.

(all laugh)

TRAVIS: On the bow of the ship.

MATT: There you stand, at the bow of the ship. You see at the very front there’s the point, the– oh man.

TALIESIN: Are you really?

TRAVIS: What?

MARISHA: Are– you’re not…

TRAVIS: No, I’m just looking to see what I can see. Like one leg up, Captain Morgan style.

MATT: There you go. As you glance out, with your hand above on your brow, guarding the bright, cloudless sunlight down upon you, it is just endless ocean.

TRAVIS: Is there one of those amazing naked ladies on the front of the ship? Holding out the pole, that comes out from the front?

MATT: Make a perception check.

TRAVIS: Come on, Gil. Three.

(all laugh)

MATT: It’s still hard to see from this vantage point. You’ll probably have to climb out there, and climb down in front of the ship to see.

SAM: He’s in the back of the ship.

(all laugh)

TRAVIS: Do we mean to be going backwards?

MARISHA: I go up to the deckhands who are manning the sails. Hi, heard it was full sail, full– Do you need help with anything? To do– you need–

LAURA: Wow.

MARISHA: I can make, like, wind.

TRAVIS: Oh, you can!

MARISHA: And we can maybe get there faster.

MATT: The gentleman who is there, currently wrapping a rope around his forearm, as he’s pulling it down with his full weight, you can see he’s maybe in his late twenties, though still going a little grey in the beard, for such a young age, but his skin is weathered, he’s kind of missing a few teeth. He’s got a large piece of– like a bandana of cloth wrapped around the front of his head, and just a leather tunic. He kind of looks back to you. “Um, I’ve got it, but thank you.”

MARISHA: Oh, okay. 'Cause I can– You’re doing great. Good work.

MATT: Right, okay.

TALIESIN: I’m gonna grab Bad News and run up to the crow’s nest and see if I can see anything.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Guess word has gotten around the ship then.

MATT: Yeah. Well, she did shout 'full sail,' I guess maybe you went up to see what was going on. You get up to the crow’s nest. Go ahead and make a perception check.

TALIESIN: Make some room in here. What is my perception? That’s 20.

MATT: 20, okay. You get up there, lean out, getting a view, you can see maybe 45 feet up, Vex is also keeping her eye out via broom. Taking her lead, and the direction she’s facing, you glance out in that direction, but it’s just open sea.

TALIESIN: I’m gonna keep an eye out for a moment, for a little bit.

LIAM: Is Tary down below?

SAM: I was, but I came up too. Hi, hello, hi. I have one of those little sticker things you put on the back for motion sickness.

(all laugh)

SAM: One of these.

LAURA: One of those things you put on your wrist? Yeah.

SAM: Hi, good day, good day, all.

TRAVIS: Bidet.

SAM: Good day, hi, hi. That’s it.

(all laugh)

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: I shout out to Percy, what are you guys looking for? Everyone’s so excited! This is so exciting.

TRAVIS: Why are you shouting? We have earrings.

MARISHA: I was– because we’re on the high seas, and that’s what sailors do.

TRAVIS: Is it?

MARISHA: Yeah! See, we’re sailors, now!

TRAVIS: We’re sailors now.

TALIESIN: She doesn’t have to know what sailors actually do.

MATT: The shiphand who’s manning the sail who’s a foot from you right now just reaches up and covers his ear and goes, “Uh. We don’t really yell that loud all the time into each other’s ear, but thank you.”

TRAVIS: Yo-ho-ho! And a… help.

MARISHA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Keyleth, ask the captain if she wants to have extra speed from your wind.

MARISHA: Captain.

TALIESIN: The captain, yes.

MARISHA: I was– I’m not talking to you, anymore, Percy. Captain.

MATT: As you approach from behind, she’s currently holding the wheel, and she doesn’t even turn her head to you, goes, “Yes?”

MARISHA: Would you like more speed behind those sails?

MATT: “I mean, always, but–”

MARISHA: Okay! And then I go back and I start doing Gusts into the sails.

MATT: Okay, Gust is a what-level spell?

MARISHA: Well, it’s a cantrip, or I could do a level three Gust of Wind.

MATT: Gust would be like a (pfft). It’s more of a heavy fart.

MARISHA: Sorry, level two Gust of Wind.

LAURA: Basically you’re blowing really hard.

MATT: A level three Gust of Wind, you said?

MARISHA: Level two, level two. Gust of Wind.

MATT: Concentration for up to a minute, so okay. So as you focus– actually, this is not a spell–

LAURA: We’re gonna be so fast for a minute.

MATT: Second-level spell, and it cannot be done at a higher level.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: However, it gives you a full minute of a very focused gust of wind of, as it– the sails billow even further. You can see the ropes tighten, the guy with the rope around his arm goes, “Ow ow ow ow!” Has to unwind it real fast, go in and ratchet it to the side. But the sails pick up, and the ship itself picks up speed. For the next minute you’ve got a nice burst or so. You watch as the captain looks over the shoulder to you and gives you a nod, an approving nod, wordless, but–

MARISHA: Captain.

SAM: I turn to Doty, and I say, take this down. With an efficiency and an effective leadership role model for everyone, the redhead continues to propel us forward, faster and faster, to everyone’s surprise and respect, including the captain. As the salt licks my nose, and the sweet smell of adventure is in the air, I know that with her on our side, we will be strong and we will be protected. End of chapter.

MATT: The tension on the ship–

MARISHA: Hey, look! I’ve got rubber booties!

(laughs)

SAM: You’re amazing.

MARISHA: Aren’t I cool, Tary?

SAM: Yes you are, ahoy!

MARISHA: Ahoy!

SAM: (hearty laugh) Delightful!

MATT: The tension on the ship slowly recedes over the next hour as there is no sign of anything else.

LAURA: Nothing?

LIAM: Hey, man!

TRAVIS: What?

LIAM: You can’t walk off in the middle of a game of hide-and-seek again. I’ve been in a barrel for an hour! I fell asleep in there!

TRAVIS: I’m sorry, I get so distracted. Did someone find you?

LIAM: No, I just woke up in a barrel, I don’t even know what time it is–

TRAVIS: Found you.

LIAM: Touché, Grog.

TRAVIS: Hey, do you want to help me? I think there’s one of those wooden naked ladies on the front of the ship but I can’t really see.

LIAM: Uh.

TRAVIS: Wanna reach a hand around and see if you get a handful of wooden boob?

LIAM: Do you want me to do a reach-around, is that what you’re asking me to do?

TRAVIS: I might not ever ask you again, but right now, yes.

LIAM: Okay, yeah, this is not like the wood nymph– Never mind.

TRAVIS: No, no, no.

LIAM: I go ahead and do a reach-around, I suppose.

MATT: Okay. You shimmy out onto the front of the ship. You do actually see just the cusp of what looks like a pair of hands that are clasped, carved into the top of where the wooden point at the front of the ship is. So there is definitely a figure there.

LIAM: Yeah, I’ll hang down.

MATT: Okay. You hang down, and reach, as one would.

(all laugh)

TALIESIN: This got weird quick.

MATT: As you kinda grasp over and hold and feel around there–

LAURA: This is so ridiculous.

MATT: – not finding much in the breasts, but you find a bulge. It does indeed have a figure at the front of the ship, this one is not female.

LIAM: Is it a wang?

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: Nice.

MATT: I mean it’s a bulge where one would be, yeah.

LIAM: Okay.

MARISHA: This is an equal opportunity ship.

LAURA: That’s right.

LIAM: Pat, pat, pat.

TRAVIS: What you got down there?

LIAM: Oh, she’s a beaut, Grog, I wish you could see her.

(all laugh)

TRAVIS: Really? Describe her to me in vivid detail.

LIAM: Oh, uh. Athletic, hearty. You know, curves in all the right places.

TRAVIS: I’m loving this.

LIAM: Yup, yup. Your type, I think.

TRAVIS: Man, battle scars?

LIAM: Uh.

TRAVIS: How many breasts? Please say three.

LIAM: It’s one good, one good chest, here. You know what, I will draw you a picture. All right?

TRAVIS: Yeah, that’s great!

LIAM: Okay. I’m gonna try to climb up without falling into the drink, all right?

TRAVIS: Oh, yeah, that’d be good.

MATT: Okay, go ahead and make an athletics check real fast

TRAVIS: (giggles)

LIAM: Is this my character sheet?

(all laugh)

LIAM: That’s a five.

MATT: That’s a five? (laughs) You hear this brief bit of tension (sound of exertion). And then a (splash).

LAURA: (gasps)

TRAVIS: Vax? Vax? Yeah, okay, right, you fell off the ship. Right? Vax? Um?!

(all laugh)

SAM: First player death.

TRAVIS: I think Vax may have fallen overboard.

MARISHA: Grog, what did you do?

TRAVIS: I know it could be a very elaborate joke, but you know that sound when you deuce, and it goes (ker-ploop)?

(all laugh)

TRAVIS: I just heard that and I think it was Vax.

MARISHA: Ugh.

LAURA: Can I look down in the water?

MATT: (laughs) Yeah, you look down, you don’t see anybody in the water, but a moment passes and you glance over and there, up the side of the ship, with two daggers, climbing, and soaking, sopping wet with seawater, which has caused all of the heavy, thick black fabric to just become an additional 40 pounds on him, you watch Vax make his way up to the top of the ship once more.

LIAM: This is the best this armor has smelled in weeks!

(all laugh)

LIAM: Ugh. I love the ocean!

LAURA: I’m gonna land in the crow’s nest with Percy.

TRAVIS: That was amazing! You are so drenched right now.

LIAM: I’m twice as heavy as normal.

TRAVIS: Man. Yeah, no seriously, she’s that stunning, huh, in the front?

LIAM: I start–

TRAVIS: I can’t wait for the picture.

LIAM: Oh yeah, yes, big.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LIAM: Big.

TRAVIS: Big booby.

(all laugh)

LIAM: That’s you.

TRAVIS: Big booby.

MARISHA: I kinda do a quick, like, Druidcraft gust and dry him off a little bit.

MATT: Okay. It’s like holding a hairdryer to him, just (loud whooshing).

(all laugh)

MATT: His lips are like (pbbbft) off to the side briefly.

LIAM: I shake like a husky a little bit.

MATT: Exactly.

MATT: All right, you said you head to the crow’s nest with Percy?

LAURA: Yes.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: Okay. Anything in particular, just keeping watch?

LAURA: Just keeping watch.

TALIESIN: Sitting and sketching.

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Looking out every now and then.

LAURA: I don’t feel as nauseous up here, it’s nice.

TALIESIN: Quite nice.

MATT: All right. About two hours later, I’ll have you both roll perception checks, if you could.

LIAM: This is the laziest day we’ve ever had.

LAURA: I know, it’s nice.

MATT: Mm-hm.

TALIESIN: Wow, no.

MATT: Days at sea, it’s nice.

SAM: Meanwhile, Whitestone burns.

(all laugh)

MATT: Shh.

TRAVIS: Getting flashes.

LAURA and MARISHA: No!

TALIESIN: To be fair, I’m not really looking very much.

MATT: Fair enough.

TALIESIN: 11.

MATT: Okay. 11. Yeah, you’re distracted.

TRAVIS: Oh, jeez.

TALIESIN: I’m distracted.

MATT: With your companion.

LAURA: 18.

MATT: 18. Okay.

TALIESIN: You’re less distracted.

LAURA: Uh, pretty distracted for Vex.

TRAVIS: Is it clear skies or are we sailing through fog?

MATT: Uh, no, it is clear skies.

TRAVIS: Right, so we could just look up, and see horror.

TALIESIN: Wait, what?

TRAVIS: What?

LAURA: We’re not having sex, we’re just talking.

TRAVIS: Oh!

TALIESIN: Just having a chill. It’s just to chill up there. It’s nice.

TRAVIS: Oh, right.

LIAM: Just like a prom make-out, that’s all.

LAURA: No! Just chatting.

TALIESIN: You’re just sitting and drawing in a basket!

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: In a crow’s nest? Like a big laundry basket? It’s just like–

TALIESIN: Yes, it’s basically a hamper.

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS Oh, okay.

LIAM: It’s the most privacy you’ve had–

SAM: Any hand action going on?

TALIESIN: Oh my God!

MATT: (laughs) Jesus Christ!

LAURA: No hand action, no hand action.

TALIESIN: That got dark.

MATT: Anyway, you guys, due to distraction, catch it about the same time the rest of the party does. As you look ahead and notice that there is a fog bank forming maybe a few hundred feet ahead of the ship.

TRAVIS: Called it.

LAURA: Oh, shit.

MARISHA: Who sees it?

MATT: Well, everybody does now.

MARISHA: Oh, everybody does now. Can I do a nature check to see if it looks like natural ocean fog?

MATT: Go for it.

MARISHA: That’s not great. 14.

MATT: 14. It doesn’t take much for you to realize that this fog is pretty localized. It’s not an entire bank that covers the entirety of the ocean in actuance. You kind of travel from one side of the boat to the other to get the scope of it. It’s pretty narrow and pretty focused in its direction.

MARISHA: Does this look like something that I would have? Like, is this another druid doing a fog cloud spell?

MATT: You recognize this to be of similar size although magnified.

MARISHA: Bigger than us?

MATT: A little–

MARISHA: Than my spell. Bigger than my spell?

MATT: Bigger than the usual spell that you are used to casting but it does appear localized enough to be of a similar-type spell or effect.

TRAVIS: Hey, Keyleth?

MARISHA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Quick question. Is there a d– decor– uh, like a proper way to announce ourselves?

SAM: Protocol.

TRAVIS: Thank you.

MARISHA: Well, I–

MATT: The ship suddenly lists a bit as you watch as Adella is now turning the wheel and turning the ship to try and veer around the fog bank that suddenly has appeared, and she’s shouting off to some of her crew. They’re starting to man the ballista at the back of the ship once more–

LAURA: Is this normal? Is this a sea monster?

MATT: “Um. It’s fog!”

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MATT: “I have not yet encountered a monster that creates fog! But I’d rather not be caught off guard.”

MARISHA: Wait, wait, wait, this–

SAM: I can communicate with semaphore if that’s something you’d like me to do?

TRAVIS: What’s semaphore?

SAM: It’s communication with flags. It’s a primitive communication technique that I learned in many of my studies, boat-to-boat it’s really helpful. I pull out a couple of pieces of fabric and start gesturing–

TRAVIS: Holy shit. You’re that guy.

(all laugh)

TRAVIS: Where is the other boat?

SAM: Well, you just said to announce ourselves, I could announce. Vox–

LAURA: I wonder if they can see through the fog?

SAM: – Ma–

TRAVIS: Yeah, we should have him do that. You should go to the front of the ship–

SAM: – chi–

TRAVIS: – and just make sure they know we’re coming.

MARISHA: Can you do any flourishes?

SAM: – na.

MARISHA: Can you do any like tosses? Like color guard?

SAM: Oh, no, no.

MARISHA: Oh, damn. All right.

SAM: That would be really cool, though.

MARISHA: Sorry, Captain? How close are we to our destination? This could be Vesrah.

MATT: “From the recent calculations I made on our map, we’re at least a day and a half out.”

MARISHA: Really? Does this look to be island-sized?

MATT: She’s glancing over the front and– you guys, by the way, are up there in the crow’s nest and one of the ship hands is now climbing up the rope net to get to the top as part of his job–

LAURA: It’s a little crowded up here, but–

MATT: – he gets up there and goes, “Um.”

LAURA: I hop on the broom and get out of it so he has more room.

TALIESIN: I’m used to this enough, I know how to make room from last time I was on a boat.

MATT: He hops in and pulls out his spy glass and begins looking out. Shouts down to the captain. “Captain! It’s moving!”

LAURA: It’s moving!

TALIESIN: It’s moving?

MATT: And you watch as she shifts– the ship begins to turn wide to move around and the fog shifts to meet the direction of the ship.

LAURA: Oh, shit.

TRAVIS: Smart fog.

LAURA: I just pull out an arrow and get ready.

MARISHA: So it’s coming towards us?

MATT: Mm-hm, or the ship is going towards it.

LAURA: I’m going to tie off a rope to the broom.

TALIESIN: Not a bad idea.

MATT: All right. She continues to try and move around, and the fog cloud shifts around, shakes her head and you hear as Adella shouts out, “All right, looks like we’re going in. Be at the ready!” And eventually the fog bank hits the front of the ship, and within moments your visibility is cut to nothing.

TRAVIS: What?

MATT: You can see no more than maybe a few feet past the edge of the boat, and for those at the back of the ship, the front of the ship is obscured. Those at the front of the ship, the back of the ship is obscured. It is a very, very thick fog that has completely immersed the outside of the ship.

TRAVIS: Vax, don’t try anything.

TALIESIN: Everybody keep checking in.

SAM: I will flip a coin to Jumbo over there and tell him, listen, if things get hairy you might want to use this.

TRAVIS: Use what? I can’t see you.

SAM: Oh, God! Shit!

(all laugh)

MARISHA: I do another Gust of Wind and clear the ship deck and clear the path ahead of us.

MATT: Okay. They clear out, and slowly the fog begins to choke back inwards. Slowly, it does help temporarily, but as the ship moves forward basically you move past the area that you’ve cleared out a little bit, and the rest of the fog tends to envelop it.

MARISHA: I’m going to see if I can see what this is from underneath the water. I’ll be back. And I swan-dive off of the edge and into the water.

LAURA: Did you say it over the earring?

MARISHA: Yeah, bye. I’ll be back. Bye! I’m going to do Alter Self to give myself little gills and little fin hands and go with the ship.

SAM: As I see her do this, I am going to alter myself to have the same.

MARISHA: Oh! What’s up, Tary?

SAM: I pick up the coin and hand it to Grog and say, this will make you fly. And I’ll dive over the edge as well.

MATT: Okay, Tary gives a graceful, if a little clunkier, dive. In full armor, which makes it hard to swim.

SAM: Oh, shit.

(all laugh)

MATT: But you can breathe underwater. It’s medium armor, it’s not too crazy, you’re fine. But you with a much heavier splash. You look behind you, and see Taryon has met you in the water with the gills also kind of extending out of the sides of his neck. I would like both of you to make perception checks.

(all laugh)

MATT: Make perception checks, please.

MARISHA: Don’t fuck me, Gil.

SAM: 16.

MARISHA: It was cocked. It was right on a 20, which sucks. That’s all right, perception check, 24.

MATT: 24. Okay, as you guys hit the water and go underneath for a second, you can see amongst the water, which is relatively still out here, and there’s still the fog above, you see a slight displacement in the water.

SAM: Oh, there’s something in the water, a boat.

MATT: Keyleth, you look over and you can see the displacement. There is nothing dark, but it’s almost like something is pushing down into the water, or like there is a concave portion of the water.

MARISHA: But nothing under the surface? Nothing breaking the surface tension of the water?

MATT: It is breaking the surface tension, like it’s in– as you glance over you can see there’s what appears to be an unnatural break in the waves like a path.

LAURA: Like it’s invisible?

MATT: It’s like another ship or something of that size is currently keeping in time with the Drensala Vis.

TALIESIN: Oh.

MARISHA: It looks smooth. It looks man-made?

MATT: Well, you don’t see what’s there. All you see is the break in the water.

MARISHA: It’s invisible. Okay, I come up out of the water and I use my earring to communicate that to everyone else.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Do you still have your fucking gills on?

MARISHA: It’s, you know– I don’t know, do I?

LAURA: Does that mean you choke?

TRAVIS: Yeah are you like–

MARISHA: Can I communicate?

SAM: She has gills but she keeps her mouth and stuff right?

MARISHA: I can still talk.

MATT: You can still speak, I’d say, once you break the surface of the water.

MARISHA: Yeah I come out of the water and communicate it.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: You sound like Kim Carnes. Everybody, this is great.

(all laugh)

MARISHA: A little bit like Linda Blair.

MATT: All right, you guys hear Keyleth begin to inform you as you hear off to the left side of the ship two localized sounds– it sounds like wood slamming into wood or some sort of a heavy impact, two in rapid succession. And you watch as from out of the fog two extremely long metallic jagged and almost like hooks or giant grappling hooks slam into the ship with chains behind them that suddenly grow taut. The rest of the crew begins to turn around and move their ballistas in the direction of where the chains come from, but you still see nothing there. The fog is too thick.

LIAM: I’m going to hide.

MATT: Okay, go ahead and roll a stealth check.

TRAVIS: And we can see the hooks, right?

MATT: You can see the hooks, yes.

LAURA: Can we see the hooks from the crow’s nest?

MATT: It’s just out of view. You watch them pass through, and you see them arc below you, and then vanish into the fog. And you hear the impact and the ship kind of (impact noise) from the hit.

LAURA: I want to try and hover down so I can see a little better.

TALIESIN: Are you with me?

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: I’m going to very quietly say that I’m going to grab onto your broom and head towards that end. I’m also going to activate the spider climbing boots.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: I would definitely like to go and see the giant sea creature claw that just grabbed onto the boat.

MATT: Okay, you rush up to the edge of this giant claw that’s hit it and you can see it’s a thick– like a dark iron pole maybe about that long–

TRAVIS: Oh!

MATT: – it’s about that big around and has a large chain affixed to it that just progresses off that side of the boat into the fog. It looks like a series of giant hooks or curved spikes, and it has jammed and dug itself and dragged and caught on to the actual deck of the ship.

TRAVIS: Good news, not a sea monster. Bad news, a big hook that leads to nowhere.

LAURA: Get it off the ship. Can you pull it off?

TRAVIS: Sure. So I’ll try and lift the hook off the ship.

MATT: Go ahead and make a strength check.

TRAVIS: 15.

MATT: 15. You’re lifting right now and it’s not shifting. Unfortunately, the weight of both the ship moving forward, the tension on the chain and the hook, and the hook being so heavily dug into the deck, like versus that portion you’re just not getting enough of a lift. There’s too much torsion on the actual connection to the ship.

TRAVIS: You know what, I want to see where this leads. I’m going to leave it here.

LIAM: Fuck you, physics.

MARISHA: I’m going to swim closer to where the chains are coming from and swim closer to the invisi-ship.

SAM: I join her.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Trinket’s going to run up next to Grog.

MATT: Okay, so Trinket and Grog are now heading to the left side of the ship–

TRAVIS: Hey, buddy.

MATT: –you guys are swimming in the water towards that direction, and you watch as suddenly what was once a slight displacement in the water becomes visible. And you see before you a smaller, more compact-looking ship, but it has a series of iron plates all across it in various places. It’s armored from all directions, haphazardly. Not a beautiful construction per se, but made for function.

MARISHA: I’m going to come up– oh, go ahead.

MATT: You look up, and from what you can see on the edge of the ship, and you can see what appear to be two small gray crystals that are giving a faint glow, and it looks like they are actually creating and emanating this fog that is surrounding the space.

TRAVIS: Awesome.

TALIESIN: Fog machine.

MARISHA: I’m going to come up and, in the path as the ship is going by, can I do a poof of Faerie Fire in front of it? To see if I can Faerie Fire the ship?

MATT: Okay, well, you can only Faerie Fire creatures in a small area, a ship–

MARISHA: It’s not going to do it.

MATT: –probably shouldn’t be Faerie Fire.

MARISHA: Okay, then I’m going to see if I can– can I try and grab onto the side of the ship?

MATT: With just your fingers? It’s pretty– I mean– okay, you know what, I will say because of the iron plating there is a little bit of a grip.

MARISHA: The seams?

MATT: Go ahead and make an athletics check.

TRAVIS: With your webbed fingers.

SAM: Can I join her on this?

MATT: Mm-hm. You can, indeed.

MARISHA: Natural one.

MATT: You reach up and grab, and about three nails snap, and you lose your grip, falling back into the water.

LAURA: Oh, shit.

TALIESIN: Oh, ow.

LAURA: That’s just mean.

MARISHA: That shit hurts.

SAM: Athletics?

MATT: Yes.

SAM: Ten.

MATT: You barely hold on. You don’t climb, but you hold on and watch as Keyleth just–

SAM: Oh! I’m alone.

(all laugh)

SAM: Do I see her in the water?

MATT: You see her splash and disappear under the water below. The fog is starting to close around the area.

SAM: Shit. She can swim; she’ll be okay. She’s so strong and powerful.

MARISHA: Do I see Tary?

MATT: You just went under the water. You come back up and you watch Tary vanish as you’re now being left behind. The ships are traveling faster.

LAURA: Keyleth, can you do anything about this fog?

MARISHA: Yes! Once I track down the ship. I kind of swim up and I say, Tary can you catch– this might be bad. Do I see any type of– what are they called? Cleats. The ship cleats. Do I see anything like ship cleats? Right?

TALIESIN: Yeah, no, that’s right, it’s the little prongs.

MARISHA: Like the little things, the prongs. Do I see anything like that? I want to try and do a– like a grasp– like Thorn Whip myself to the ship.

MATT: You see one, it’s a little ways up from where the ship is actually hitting the water. You would have to probably swim close enough to get there. I’m going to say, make an athletics check to see how quickly you can try and swim against the ocean just for this brief moment. You’re going to have to roll pretty high.

MARISHA: Well, that’s not great. Just straight athletics?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Athletics is pretty good! 15!

MATT: 15?

MARISHA: Yeah!

MATT: I’ll say you don’t fall too far behind the ship, it’s still going faster than you and the water is kind of up and down. Using your Alter Self gills, you can dive below the surface to try and avoid the choppiness of the ocean, and you come back up. What’s the range on your Thorn Whip?

MARISHA: 30-foot range.

MATT: 30-foot range, and it pulls whatever is there ten feet towards you. We can say it’ll pull you ten feet towards it. So it gives you a slight arc, but not enough to actually reach the ship, you can just cruise past the grasping range of Taryon. So, Taryon, as you’re there on the side and you glance over and you watch as Keyleth suddenly produces a large thorny whip, a druidic vine that wraps around the small cleat on the side of the ship.

SAM: Oh, shit.

MATT: And you watch as she arcs out of the fog towards you, reaching her hand out in your direction.

SAM: I will–

MARISHA: Tary!

SAM: Yes!

MARISHA: Tary!

SAM: Yes, grab my hero’s hand.

(all laugh)

MATT: Okay. You grab her hand–

MARISHA: Tary! I want to apologize right now. Because in this moment, I am a damsel and I am in distress!

(all laugh)

MARISHA: So cross it off, bitch. Come on!

MATT: Make a strength check.

SAM: Okay. Okay.

TALIESIN: Oh, please. Oh, please.

SAM: Wait, strength?

MATT: Yes, just a strength modifier bonus.

SAM: I’m feeling lucky! Yeah.

(all laugh)

SAM: 19.

LIAM: Hey!

MATT: Okay. All right. You grab her, and you– it pulls you from two points, but you had managed to keep your hold and grasp Keyleth, now dangling from your arm.

SAM: I did a lot of pushups today! Ow, ow, ow, ow.

MATT: It is. You’re very sore–

(all laugh)

MATT: You are very sore, but you manage to get her right up to the edge of the ship, and she manages to get a grip onto the edge.

SAM: I. Was amazing.

(all laugh)

MARISHA: You were. Today, in this moment, for this 30 seconds of time–

SAM: Augh!

(all laugh)

TALIESIN: I’m gonna be in the middle of this for months.

MARISHA: –you were a hero.

TALIESIN: I’m gonna be right in the middle of this. For months. Okay.

SAM: We’ll omit that part.

(all laugh)

TALIESIN: Did it leave a little stain?

SAM: It’s in my nose.

MARISHA: Thanks. Okay.

MATT: You look up at this point and you can just barely see the chain, and you watch as a couple shapes, just barely visible through the fog, are now leaping across the chain towards your ship. So–

MARISHA: I give a heads up. Heads up, heads up, people. Incoming forces, coming your way!

MATT: You guys in the ship, you glance over where the chains are currently pulling taut. You watch as a series of humanoid figures wearing dark, dark green and black leathers, their faces partially obscured, rush onto the ship, weapons drawn. I’m gonna ask everyone to roll initiative.

MARISHA: Fuck. I hope these aren’t my–

TRAVIS: Right. You ran into our ship!

MARISHA: –these aren’t, like, my people, right? I haven’t found out who they are.

LAURA: I know! What if they are?

TRAVIS: We gonna kill 'em.

MARISHA: No!

TALIESIN: Whoa! I don’t feel good about that.

LAURA: Look at that!

MARISHA: Yay, it’s a boat!

TRAVIS: Boats!

SAM: There’s a boat! Oh, wow, the top-down view looks so three-dimensional right now.

LAURA: Yeah, really, it does.

SAM: It’s really cool.

LAURA: This is insane! This looks so 3D!

TRAVIS: Well done, man!

SAM: 1980s graphics!

MATT: I can’t take full credit for these. These were already pre-made.

TRAVIS: Aw.

TALIESIN: This is like the finest arcade that I’ve ever been by.

LAURA: This is so cool.

TRAVIS: Which one’s us?

MATT: All right. There’s the two of them in the ocean currently off to the side.

TRAVIS: You dingalings.

LAURA: They can fly. They can fly. Oh my goodness gracious. This is so cool. What is this? What is that?

MATT: All right, so. Up in the crow’s nest, we have Percy, one of the other shipmates, kinda up there. We have, down here at the wheel, the captain. These two, wielding two different ballistas.

TRAVIS: At the bow of the ship, heading for –

LAURA: – a new land!

MATT: We have Doty, just hanging off to the side, watching and trying to take record of whatever’s happening at the moment. Grog, where are you?

TRAVIS: Wherever that grappling hook was.

MATT: That would be right here.

SAM: (roars)

MATT: With Trinket right by your side.

TRAVIS: Welcoming committee.

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: We’re gonna eat it.

LAURA: Me and Percy had said we were sort of on our way down.

TALIESIN: Or actually, we had sort of headed towards the other boat.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Right, so you guys had made your way. So, yeah. So–

TALIESIN: I was gonna ask you to drop me at the other crow’s nest on the other ship.

LAURA: Oh.

TRAVIS: You need more iron in my diet.

MARISHA: These are probably the Water Ashari, aren’t they?

MATT: So you guys are heading this way? Are you taking him with you?

TALIESIN: If you’re down.

LAURA: Uh, I was going to. I wasn’t going to go all the way to the other boat, but I can. If you want to go with us.

TALIESIN: Oh, please!

SAM: Toy boat, toy boat.

SAM, TALIESIN, and LAURA: Toy boat.

TALIESIN and LAURA: Toy boat.

SAM: Tor Books.

SAM and TALIESIN: Tor Books, Tor Books.

(all laugh)

TALIESIN: Tor Books, Tor Books, Tor Books. It’s actually kinda hard.

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: All right. Vax, where are you? Since you are hiding.

LIAM: Well, I did a stealth check, and I got a 25–

MATT: Right.

LIAM: I didn’t know what the boat looked like, so if there’s stuff in the bottom, I’d hide there, but if they’re gone, I could also have gone up to the crow’s nest. Whichever.

MATT: You could probably be hiding amongst one of the low sails probably. So we’ll say you’re up in this sail.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: In that vicinity. All righty. So. Bringing us now to the initiative order.

TALIESIN: Oh, boy.

MATT: 25 to 20?

LIAM: Shit.

MATT: All righty.

LAURA: Oh, no.

SAM: Yikes.

LIAM: (knocks on table)

MATT: 20 to 15?

TALIESIN: 15.

LAURA: 18.

LIAM: 18.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: Eee.

LIAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: Twins.

LIAM: Wapetopetok!

LAURA and LIAM: (explosion sounds)

TRAVIS: You both had 18?

LAURA: Yeah!

TRAVIS: Nice.

MATT: 15 to ten?

TRAVIS: 14.

MATT: Grog. All right.

MARISHA: Oh. 11. Sorry.

MATT: That’s all right. Keyleth. And then?

SAM: Eight.

MATT: Tary.

LAURA: Hey, look, some things don’t change.

(all laugh)

MATT: Nice!

TALIESIN: Burn!

SAM: Stings.

MATT: All righty. So. You watch as these figures just jump across from the chains that are lashed onto the boat, and as two of them make it across, suddenly, up the side of the ship, you watch as if a singular wave seems to (water rushing) and splash onto the edge of the ship. However, as the water crests and splashes into the ground, it forms up into its own physical entity.

SAM: Ooh.

TRAVIS: What?

MARISHA: Oh shit. Water elementals.

MATT: You’ve seen this form once before, that Keyleth has taken–

LAURA: (gasps)

MATT: –this is a water elemental.

LAURA: What if this is the Ashari?

MARISHA: It probably is. Just haven’t figured that out yet.

MATT: (laughs) Where did I last put it? All righty, so. That being the case, I’m gonna go ahead and pull these up there.

LAURA: Did we say we did anything about the fog? The fog is still there.

MATT: The fog is still in this vicinity right now. So, you’re under the effect of a Fog Cloud spell… for the area. So, basically, the area around is heavily obscured. So that will increase uh, AC to a number of individuals. Perfect. All right, so. So first off, this elemental rushes forward to Grog, splashes around in your direction. Grog, it’s gonna go ahead and take a series of swings at you.

TRAVIS: Sweet.

MATT: Yeah, it’s gonna take two slam attacks. That is a 23 to hit?

TRAVIS: Hits.

MATT: And an 18 to hit.

TRAVIS: Hits also.

MATT: All righty. So you suffer 12 points of bludgeoning damage. That’s full damage. You’re not raging.

TRAVIS: Nope.

MATT: And that is 15. 15 points of bludgeoning damage.

TRAVIS: Total? Or 12 and 15 both?

MATT: 12 and 15.

TRAVIS: Gotcha.

MATT: All right, that ends that guy’s turn. Next up is Vax and Vex.

LAURA: I was on my way over to the other–

TALIESIN: Drop off.

LAURA: – towards the other ship.

TRAVIS: Bludgeoning.

TALIESIN: As long as you roll by, I’ll just let go.

LAURA: Okay.

TALIESIN: You can drop me off.

LAURA: Percy wants to be dropped off at the crow’s nest, so I’ll fly over that direction.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Keeping an eye out for anything visible that I can shoot at.

TALIESIN: The minute I see a rope, I’ll just let go and drop. So she can just keep moving.

MATT: Okay. So we’ll say–

LAURA: Flyby.

MATT: As you guys make it onto the other side of the ship–

TALIESIN: You know, you could’ve spent your time making two very complex Lego pirate ships. All week.

MATT: You’re right.

TALIESIN: I’m just saying.

MATT: But I don’t have that time, unfortunately.

(all laugh)

MATT: Right, so you guys, right over to this ship here?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: You drop him in the crow’s nest.

LAURA: Uh-huh.

MATT: All right. And you are currently on your bow? Is that all you’re gonna do?

LAURA: I’m on– yeah, I’m on my broom. I’m just riding my bow around.

MATT: Fair enough.

LAURA: Can I drift down to where I can see anything and I say to Keyleth, Uh, fog? Can you do anything about the fog?

MATT: On their ship?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay. So as you coast down a little lower, I want you to make a perception check.

LAURA: I like that one. 31.

TRAVIS: Jesus.

MATT: 31. You glance down, and as the fog parts, you see on this ship, there are three other similarly dressed, dark green and black leather humanoids that are now beginning to rush over the chain, and standing back, on the back of the ship, arms crossed, you see a large humanoid with a fish-like head. It has no nose, a big fish-like mouth, big bulbous throat, kind of a greenish-blue skin color, very turquoise, with big fin gills at the side and a large crest that goes down the head. But it’s wearing fine billowing silks, and a large vest, and its lower torso, from this giant oversized kind of plump belly, the lower torso is just this swirl of water that sits there, and it looks like it’s currently concentrating through the fog on the opposite side.

LAURA: Oh, jebus.

MATT: It does not seem to notice you at the moment.

LAURA: Then, I’m gonna try to Bramble Shot that motherfucker.

MATT: It is right there.

MARISHA: Well, that’s pretty cool.

LAURA: I’m gonna try to shoot a Bramble Shot at him.

MATT: Go for it.

LAURA: Okay. 20?

MATT: 20? Hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

LAURA: Yes. Okay. Oh, Hunter’s Mark. Motherfuck! That’s okay, sneak attack.

TRAVIS: It’s all right, you’ve never played this game before.

LAURA: Why? I can’t help it, I get so happy. Okay.

MATT: Let’s see. Actually, roll again. Because in the fog cloud you do have disadvantage on strikes.

TRAVIS: Oh, that’s cruel, man.

LAURA: That’s cruel.

TRAVIS: (laughs painfully) Don’t do it.

MATT: One?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: Oh. That sucks.

LAURA: That’s okay. That’s okay, I’m gonna try to do another shot. And in that downtime, I’m gonna fucking Hunter’s Mark.

SAM: Yeah!

MATT: There you go.

SAM: Turn them lemons–

TRAVIS: Into orange juice.

(all laugh)

MATT: So this entity is currently Hunter’s Marked, and you can take your second attack, if you like.

LAURA: Okay. I can’t do a Bramble Shot again 'cause that was wasted? Or does that mean– Does a Bramble Shot only work if it connects?

MATT: I’m gonna say for the purpose of this Bramble Shot, 'cause it’s only fair and it’s a powerful vestige, it only works if it connects. That should change the wording on that.

LAURA: Okay. Okay, I’m gonna try.

MATT: Go for it.

LAURA: 19?

MATT: 19 does hit.

LAURA: Yes! Okay. 15 plus four lightning damage.

MATT: Slick.

LAURA: Plus Sneak Attack. Woo, an 11 for the Sneak Attack and Hunter’s Mark. And then the DC of 17 or be restrained. That’s strength save.

MATT: Gotcha.

LAURA: And I’m gonna do the Bramble Shot damage now.

MATT: That is a 13.

LAURA: Hoo, yes! He’s restrained.

MATT: Go for it, roll the damage. For Bramble Shot.

LAURA: Ooh. Is that a sev– that’s a one. 16.

MATT: 16. Okay. I’m gonna go ahead and make a concentration check on him. He succeeds. With a 26. All right, so, the first shot whips past and just slams into the ship. You watch as this giant fish entity kinda glances off to the side, looks down and starts looking up into the fog cloud, but you’re right above it at this point, or just off to the side, and you fire your second arrow, it turns just in time to see it hit it in the shoulder, as it glances up, tries to snap it free. The wooden shaft of the arrow suddenly sprouts all these vines and thorns that begin to wrap around it and it tears in its body, and it’s currently stuck in place. It cannot move.

LAURA: Awesome. And I say, Percy, spellcaster, right below you. Fish guy.

TALIESIN: (exhales) Got it. Not sure what to do.

SAM: Noted.

MATT: All right. So, ending that, we come to Vax’s turn.

LIAM: One of the assailants is directly across from me, on the other side of our boat, right?

MATT: There is one crossing right now.

LIAM: But there is one guy who made it onto the boat?

MATT: There’s two of them who made onto the boat, right there.

LIAM: Right there? I’m gonna attempt to Assassinate that motherfucker.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Oh, god!

MATT: So you’re– we’ll say you’re up over, you kind of shimmy your way along the edge of the sail, and you’re looking right down below him.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: This guy right there.

LIAM: So, advantage on this.

MATT: The guy closest to Grog, or the guy who’s alone right there?

LIAM: The one that you are touching right now.

MATT: Okay, gotcha.

LIAM: Yeah. So that is a 32 to hit.

MATT: That will hit.

LIAM: So this is Assassinate, it’s an auto-crit–

MATT: Did you roll at disadvantage because of the fog cloud?

LIAM: Well, no, but I’m at advantage because of Assassinate, so the first roll was a 19.

MATT: Yeah, so you’re fine.

LIAM: Which is still a 32. Here we go.

LAURA: I get 2d6 now for Sneak Attack.

MATT: You do. So roll another d6.

LAURA: Another six!

MATT: Nice!

TALIESIN: Hey, that die!

MATT: That’s 48 points of damage in one hit.

LAURA: Bramble Shot, motherfucker!

LIAM: Doing my maths over here. 32, 36, 72. That’s 80 points of damage.

MATT: 80 points of damage.

TRAVIS: What the fuck? No wonder Tary almost died.

LIAM: Is he still standing?

MATT: No.

(all laugh)

TRAVIS: Assassinate!

MATT: Just leaps off the chain and pulls out what looks like– for this, it would be a dagger and a rapier. Glances around and goes lunging in for the captain of the ship. Gets maybe two steps, before your blade sinks into the back of the neck. And he just hits the side, and collapses, right at the edge of the ship right there. Done.

LIAM: Okay, just for funsies I will throw my second dagger at the one right in front of Trink.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: So, that is not that good.

LAURA: Ooh.

LIAM: That’s a 13.

MATT: Okay, yeah. Even with disadvantage. Okay. So this one you fire, and just disappears off to the side of the ship, but returns to your belt. Are you gonna stay where you are?

LIAM: No, I’m gonna drop down.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: And circle around Trinket’s tush.

MATT: All right. Make an acrobatics check.

LIAM: Sure.

MATT: Just to land from the top there.

LIAM: Yeah, 25.

MATT: Yeah, you’re fine. So you move around behind Trinket. All righty. That ends your turn, Vax. Percy, you’re up.

TALIESIN: Okay, I’m gonna take a quick look around to see if I can figure out what’s causing this fog because it’s annoying me.

MATT: Perception check.

TALIESIN: That’s a 19.

MATT: Glancing about in the area, it’s hard to see, especially from this vantage point. The area is so heavily obscured with fog. You do glance and see what looks to be a very, very faint general glow in a lower area towards the edge of the ship. But that’s all you can make out.

TALIESIN: Starboard? Port?

MATT: It’d be on this side.

TALIESIN: All right. Somebody take a look at anything. There’s a glow coming from the starboard side of the enemy ship. It’s the one closest to our ship. We need to find out what’s causing this fog. In the meantime, I’m gonna slowly make my way down a couple of the ropes. Is that an enemy right there? That guy?

MATT: You’re up here.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I know. I’m asking if that’s an enemy on our ship, right there.

MATT: This is an enemy right there.

MARISHA: The water elemental.

MATT: These are enemies. These are your guys, the guys with the red cloaks; the red color signifies your own crewmates.

TALIESIN: Okay, so we have two enemies that are currently on their ship.

MATT: Two enemies in their ship, one that’s currently crossing, and one that is on the other side.

TALIESIN: Okay, I’m gonna slowly start making my way, just maybe a few feet down, and I’m going to shoot those two people who are on the very edge. Both of them in the back.

SAM: There’s no honor in that.

TALIESIN: No. There is, on the other hand, fine comedy about to happen.

SAM: True, true.

TALIESIN: I’m gonna very, very carefully. And I’m at disadvantage with this?

MATT: Disadvantage with each strike, yes.

TALIESIN: Oh, that’s annoying. Okay, I’m gonna use the pepperbox, the Animus, and I’m also going to burn a Grit for a push.

MATT: For which one of these guys?

TALIESIN: What about one on each?

MATT: One of these two?

TALIESIN: Both of them. I’ll start with the first one, and work my way down.

MATT: Okay. First one there.

TALIESIN: All right, so, let’s see what happens.

MARISHA: Big money, no whammies!

TALIESIN: That will do. That’s a 28?

MATT: 28 will hit.

TALIESIN: And that’s– I’m sorry, you know why I’m a little confused, I just had to switch, again. That’s, wow–

MARISHA: That’s good.

TALIESIN: – that’s good. That’s 17 points of damage and five points of psychic damage.

MATT: Nice!

TALIESIN: And he goes ten feet away from me.

TRAVIS: Ah.

LAURA: Oh!

MARISHA: (yelps)

TALIESIN: (laughs)

MATT: As he’s trying to step across the chain–

LIAM: Wilhelm scream.

MATT: (gunshot)

MARISHA: (Wilhelm screams)

MATT: He gets blasted. And (Wilhelm scream) just plunges off the side of the chain, loses his footing, tumbles over, and vanishes into the fog. And you hear this splash, a moment later.

TALIESIN: Next! I love boats.

MATT: So this guy? Disadvantage on this shot.

TALIESIN: Yep. Here we go. That’s, oh that’s good, 29. I’m rolling really well.

MATT: Yeah, that will hit.

TALIESIN: Not as well as yesterday, but really well.

MARISHA: (singing) I got a nautical themed, pashmina Afghan.

TALIESIN: And that’s five, six: that’s 11 points of damage and five points of psychic damage, and a ten-foot push.

MATT: All righty. Okay. He also (snapping sound) falls off, grabs the chain, catches it with his finger, but because of the sea spray and the fog, it’s too slick and (slipping sound, Wilhelm scream) just falls.

TALIESIN: I was just gonna say, he’s happy to grab, and I’ll deal with that too.

MATT: Yeah. But they both have fallen off the ship.

MARISHA: That’s what she said? No.

TALIESIN: I can make him drop things. I have that power.

MARISHA: Oh. My god. Drop the chain they’re holding on to?

TALIESIN: I’ve been wanting to watch somebody holding on and make them drop it. I’ve been wanting to do that for like, probably a year and a half now. God, is there anybody fun on our side?

LAURA: The fish guy.

TALIESIN: You’ve got him grappled.

MATT: You’ve one guy walking across, right now, on the chain, and the guy below you who is grappled, and the water elemental that’s also attacking you.

TRAVIS: Yeah, don’t you get advantage on grappled guy?

TALIESIN: Technically I would. That would cancel out, wouldn’t it?

MATT: He is restrained, which means attacks on him are with advantage, so it would cancel it out.

TALIESIN: It would cancel it out automatically. Oh. In that case, I’m gonna take a shot on him.

LAURA: And it’ll probably get a chance to be unrestrained as soon as it’s his turn.

TALIESIN: Okay, good point. So, I’m gonna take a Sharpshooter shot. I’m also going to– is he holding anything?

MATT: Not that you can see.

TALIESIN: That’s good. And he’s a magic? Yeah, that will do. I’ll just take a good old-fashioned Sharpshooter shot. So that’s– that’s not as good. That’s 18 to hit?

MATT: 18 to hit? Just barely hits.

TALIESIN: Oh, thank god. Okay.

LIAM: I hope these aren’t your cousins.

MARISHA: They might be.

TALIESIN: Well. They were a little–

TRAVIS: Nobody’s tried talking yet?

MARISHA: We’ll figure that out.

LAURA: We’re kind of being ambushed. So…

TALIESIN: That’s kind of heavy. That’s gonna be 24 points of damage, and three points of psychic damage.

LAURA: I don’t think your cousins are fish people.

MARISHA: My cousins might be fish men.

LIAM: They could be werefish or…

MARISHA: They could be anybody. They could be werefish.

MATT: Gotcha. Okay, so you managed to fire (gunshot) the third shot out from Animus. You see it blasts into the upper shoulder and back portion of this fish-like creature. (growls) It does not look terribly happy. But it is currently still bound by the various thorny vines that have wrapped around it. End your turn?

TALIESIN: Yeah, and I’m just gonna crawl a couple feet into the ropes in that direction.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: I’m just gonna keep rope-swinging. There we are.

MATT: There you go. All righty, that brings us to Grog.

TRAVIS: After getting hit by the water elemental, can I go, Hey! What do you want?

MATT: The water elemental just (gurgling growls).

TRAVIS: Fuck it. You got saltwater in my eyes; I would like to rage!

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: I go into a rage.

MARISHA: It’s not me, Grog. It’s not me.

TRAVIS: Oh, I hadn’t thought about that.

(all laugh)

TRAVIS: And I beat the shit out of it with the dwarven hammer. Two hits.

MATT: Go for it. Two strikes.

TRAVIS: Are these at disadvantage? Or I’m right up there?

MATT: No, you’re melee, you’re fine.

TRAVIS: Hey! Reckless attack.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Oh, my.

LIAM: Hells yeah.

TRAVIS: 23.

MATT: That hits.

TRAVIS: Nice. 17.

MATT: 17 damage. Okay. Now your last strike?

TRAVIS: God, those are balls! They’re not literal balls. 22.

MATT: That hits.

LAURA: Nice!

TRAVIS: 24. 24 points of damage.

MATT: 24 points of damage? Okay, nice. So you start bludgeoning its watery form. Even though you see the water splashing around, and it’s soaking everything in the vicinity, you are still watching as each blow forces the creature to kinda shift and move, and you hear this (gurgling sound) kind of dull thud sound, and a pained noise seems to emit from this elemental creature with each impact.

TRAVIS: You can do better than that.

MATT: Does that end your turn?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: All righty. That brings us to the rest of the crew. So these guys– the water has now pushed them past a bit. They are moved and they’re starting to try and swim their way to the edge of the ship, and they’re starting to actually– Let’s see what their rolls are for their athletics. Natural 20, nice. Okay, so they both make their way up to the side of this side of the ship and latch onto the edge, right beside Keyleth and Taryon.

SAM: Oh, great.

MARISHA: Can I say something to him?

MATT: Yeah, as both (grunts) get out of the water, they’re pulling up right alongside you, pulling blades out.

MARISHA: Hi! Kaitiyaki. Water Ashari?

MATT: You hear them just growl as they pull their blades out, and continue.

MARISHA: Hm. Hm.

LIAM: Kick his ass.

TRAVIS: Yeah, we tried to talk.

MATT: So for this one, each of them are gonna make two strikes against each of you with their rapiers.

SAM: Oh, great.

MATT: Taryon, that is a 21?

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: And a 21.

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: I rolled the same number twice in a row. So you take–

TRAVIS: What’s your AC there, big guy?

SAM: 15.

MATT: Nine points of piercing damage and five points of piercing damage.

SAM: Sure.

MATT: As it just thrust–

SAM: Ow!

MATT: – holding onto the side of the ship’s armor, thrusting the rapier into you, scraping past your armor. One catches you in the hip.

SAM: Ugh.

TRAVIS: Ooh.

MATT: Keyleth, the other one’s gonna make two strikes against you. That’s gonna be–

MARISHA: Cousins?

MATT: An eight?

MARISHA: No? Oh. Nope, that misses.

MATT: And a 27.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: And that’s gonna hit you for ten points of piercing damage.

MARISHA: Okay. That’s– yeah.

MATT: And it looks like their ascent has stopped and they’re just right now happy to just continue to pierce these two stowaways that are gripping onto the side of the ship. This one stumbles across the rest of the chain. And turning and seeing you guys there on the edge, Vax as you dart around the side of Trinket, it’s gonna move, avoid the bear, step across, and attempt to attack you twice with the rapier, once with the dagger.

LIAM: Sure.

MARISHA: Jeez Louise.

MATT: So the dagger’s gonna be 11?

LIAM: No.

MATT: Not very good.

LIAM: That’s a no.

MATT: However, that is a 26.

LIAM: That hits. Uncanny Dodge.

MATT: And a 19.

LIAM: No.

MATT: No. All right, so, they get one rapier strike towards you. That is going to be nine points of piercing damage.

LIAM: Halved.

MATT: As it just cuts across the center of your armor in the midsection. It doesn’t actually get the skin, but it’s enough of an impact where you can feel a bruise coming.

LIAM: Tight.

MATT: All righty. Ending their turn, that brings us to Keyleth.

MARISHA: Okay. Am I still on the side of the boat?

MATT: You are, yes.

MARISHA: I’m gonna climb up that boat.

MATT: Okay, make an athletics check.

MARISHA: Ooh, that’s good, 17 plus my athletics, which is good, which is seven, so 24.

MATT: Okay, so you get up on the edge of the ship, it does get one attack of opportunity against you as you move up. It’s gonna slice at you with a rapier. That is gonna be an 18.

MARISHA: Miss.

SAM: Whoa.

MATT: Nice.

MARISHA: No. Hit. Sorry.

MATT: Okay, there you go, that’s all good. That is ten points piercing damage.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: As the rapier just catches you in the back, and you’re like (groans), and you climb up and get back onto the edge of the ship. As you glance around, you can see that there is the weird fish-looking guy in the center of the ship right now. It’s currently bound by the vines around him.

MARISHA: Any sign that these could still be my people? Pretty certain they’re not.

TRAVIS: I think you can let that go now.

MATT: You’re pretty sure there’s not much of a tribal sign–

MARISHA: Nothing?

MATT: – that resembles anything Ashari-related universally.

MARISHA: Guys, real pirates! And then I’m going to do Control Water. And I’m going to raise water 20 feet around me, and start sinking this bitch. I want to sink this ship. 20 feet, just tidal waves coming over the boat, and I’m sinking it.

TRAVIS: Oh, shit.

MATT: Control Water, what level is this?

MARISHA: Fourth level.

LAURA: We could steal this ship. Okay.

TALIESIN: It might have stuff.

MARISHA: Nope. I’m sinking it.

MATT: Okay, as you get on the edge you begin to pull your arms up, and as you do, you hands begin to glow with a dull blue-turquoise color, similar to the skin of this fish-like creature, and it glances over at you, and its jaw opens. You can see this burbling sound as the edges of the water begin to rise up and splash and pour into the ship, perpetually filling the lower, usually air-filled section of this ship. And it begins to immediately (thud) list a little bit to one side.

MARISHA: Do I have any movement, or is that it? Probably getting up is my movement.

MATT: That’s gonna be your action, and climbing up is gonna be your movement. So that’s kinda where you are.

MARISHA: Okay. Cool.

MATT: You can maintain concentration on it.

TALIESIN: We’re gonna want to break the chains.

MARISHA: I maintain concentration.

MATT: You get the sense, it’s gonna take a few rounds, but if you keep at this, you’ll probably have a good chance of achieving your goal.

MARISHA: Cool. It’s what I like to hear in life, in general.

LAURA: You might bring our ship down with it, Keyleth.

TRAVIS: If you keep at it, you might be able to achieve your goal.

MARISHA: No, it’s localized.

LAURA: No, but, the chains attaching two ships.

MARISHA: Eh. We’ve got time.

TALIESIN: That’s the correct response.

LIAM: She says as she destroys everything.

TRAVIS: Yep, yeah, yep.

MARISHA: Destroy reality?

MATT: Ending Keyleth’s turn, it is now the crew’s go. So the crew here is gonna turn the ballistas around, as the captain leaps off down and goes behind the guy who attacked you, Vax. She pulls out a scimitar, rushes forward screaming, “Yah!” and just does a full downward arc into the back.

LAURA: Oh, shit.

LIAM: Adele Dazeem, ladies and gentlemen.

LAURA: Like Xena. (war cry)

MARISHA: Adele Dazeem.

LAURA: What does Xena do? (Xena fighting call)

MATT: That is 18. That hits.

TRAVIS: That’s it.

LIAM: Yeah, that’s it.

MATT: Second strike is a 23. Both hit.

LIAM: She also breaks hearts.

LAURA: Left and right.

LIAM: Left and right.

TALIESIN: Oh, man.

LIAM: You can relate.

TRAVIS: Disappointed!

MATT: That’s better. 24 points of slashing damage. That ends her turn. These two guys are gonna fire ballistas at the ship. (firing sound, splash)

TRAVIS: Yes! Yes!

MATT: One of them unfortunately just coasts off to the edge and misses the ship.

TRAVIS: Damn it! He’s fired.

MATT: The other one is a natural 20.

TRAVIS: Boom!

LAURA: Damn!

MATT: Oof, that’s gonna be nasty. That, yeah, okay.

TRAVIS: Wow.

MATT: That is 42 points of damage–

TRAVIS: Damn. From one of the ballistas?

MATT: – to the side of the ship. You watch as one of these ballistas has a similar-looking, like, giant iron arrow, but it’s designed to just split and destroy wood on impact. It’s pierced, but it seems to splinter out, so it hits, and then breaks as it goes.

TRAVIS: Oh, shit.

MATT: And as it slams into the side of this ship, just above where Taryon and the other guy are. You watch as it (crashing sound) slams and wood splinters and breaks. The impact shakes the side. I’m actually gonna ask both you and that guy to make a strength saving throw.

TRAVIS: Come on, buddy.

SAM: That’s sorta cocked, but that’s okay, I’ll take it. That’s a five.

MATT: Okay, both of you guys–

SAM: Maybe I’ll use Luck, and go again.

MATT: Okay, go for it.

SAM: Ooh, yeah. Yeah, that’s ten.

MATT: Okay, that’s two. That’s enough to hold on. The other guy did not make it. So you just hold on from the impact, the other guy (screams) falls back and splashes into–

SAM: You should’ve worn boat shoes!

(all laugh)

MATT: Perfect.

LAURA: I like to picture you in full armor with boat shoes on.

MARISHA: Boat shoes on!

MATT: As you hold on, you watch as the ballista, which has a chain attached to the back of it as well, is now being ratcheted back. And as it slams through and is pulled back, it’s tearing sections of the ship apart. And you can watch now, as it’s pulling down and breaking a whole section.

SAM: Jesus.

MATT: That’s gonna go ahead and end this crewman’s turn. This guy is gonna go ahead– crossbow and try to line it up, towards– I can only see the guy below, with disadvantage. Oh, it’s a shame, it’s a natural 20. And a 19, actually. Still manages to hit, even with the disadvantage from the fog cloud. Okay, that’s eight damage to that guy. All righty. And then this guy over here is gonna move to the water elemental and take a strike on it and misses. (whoosh) It goes and strikes, but the water elemental shifts out of the way, the blade moves past, without an impact. End of the round, we have Taryon.

SAM: Yeah!

MARISHA: Taryon!

SAM: Yeah! So, the guy right next to me is gone, right?

MATT: Yeah, he’s splashed back. Both of these guys are in the water, back ten feet.

SAM: Oh, they’re gone. Okay.

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: Okay, Can I see? No. I’m gonna climb up.

MATT: Okay, athletics check.

SAM: Okay.

TRAVIS: Watch this go bad.

SAM: No, no. It’s okay. 16?

MATT: Yeah, that could climb up and get onto the edge of the ship, right next to Keyleth, who’s currently concentrating. You see her eyes kinda glowing, and her hands glowing with this faint aqua-look as the water is now, immediately to the right of her, curling up and splashing over the bow of the ship, and just pouring into the ship below.

SAM: So cool. So cool. Okay, I just yell back to Doty, Get rid of the grappling hooks! I don’t know, I have no idea what I’m doing.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: And then I see that the giant thing in front of me, right? Do I see the thing?

MATT: You do see it, yeah. It’s currently bound by the series of thorny vines.

SAM: Great. I’ll reach into my magic bag, and pull out a vial of acid and just throw it at the thing.

MATT: Okay. Go ahead and roll an attack. It is restrained, so you have advantage on the ranged attack roll.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

SAM: What do I add?

MATT: Add your– it should say under the class.

SAM: My spell attack bonus?

MATT: It should say under the class’s ability.

SAM: It says–

MATT: What’s your bonus next to it on your sheet? Under your attacks.

SAM: Oh! Oh, it says–

MATT: It should be there.

SAM: No, it doesn’t.

MATT: Doesn’t? Ah, damn it.

SAM: Oh, wait, no, it says it. But it’s cut off. It says, “DC one”. I’m sure there’s something after that, but are you talking about just to hit it?

MATT: Right. It’s their saving throw. It’s your spell DC to get past it; I think is what it is. It’s not an actual ranged–

SAM: Okay, so then it’s 17.

MATT: 17? Okay, good to know. Which, he has disadvantage on it, which he rolled a one in the first one, so no.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

MATT: So go ahead and roll full damage.

SAM: Great, so that’s 7d6.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Okay.

MARISHA: LED six!

LAURA: They’re really pretty.

TALIESIN: They’re really fun. Yeah, I like it. I know.

MARISHA: LED. Six.

SAM: 26.

MATT: 26 points of acid damage.

TRAVIS: Wow.

LAURA: Nice.

TALIESIN: That’s good.

MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: Does he let out a fishy scream?

MATT: You watch as you lob your vial, it (shattering sound) burst across the creature’s chest–

TALIESIN: (gurgling)

MATT: –and the acid (burning sound) begins to burn, burning part of the vines that currently keep it restrained, but–

SAM: Oh, shit! Sorry, sorry! I don’t know how this stuff works!

MATT: But it does burn. You see it (gurgling grunts) trying desperately to break free, as you see the smoke of its burning flesh rise up off its body (sizzling sound).

SAM: Okay.

MATT: End your turn, Taryon?

SAM: I have a bonus action. I’ll use Sanctuary. On myself.

MATT: Okay. There you go. And with that, Doty’s gonna go ahead and reach down and try and grab– nope. Not with a four. As you see, (creaking noise) you hear the metal kind of creaking, but not getting any sort of actual–

MARISHA: Aw.

TALIESIN: Knees, not back.

MATT: I know.

TRAVIS: Lift with your knees.

TALIESIN: God, robot!

MATT: All right, ending that round, that brings us to the top. The rushing waters: the ships continue to move forward; both of these guys shift backward.

LIAM: Bye!

MATT: They’re being left behind by the boats.

TALIESIN: Good!

MATT: They’re trying to swim forward. That brings us to Marid. Okay.

TALIESIN: I’ve been waiting for this so for pretty much a few months.

MATT: So this guy is currently up in the side. And he’s looking around, he’s gonna make a quick perception check, just to look around. He got shot by you. He got shot by you. He’s gonna go ahead and glance up in your direction. He’s gonna go ahead and use a Water Jet ability against you.

TALIESIN: All right.

MATT: Actually, let’s see here–

TRAVIS: Water Jet.

LAURA: (explosion sound)

MATT: You know what, now? No, he’s not.

TRAVIS: He’s not?

MATT: He is, but he’s gonna use a Water Jet–

LAURA: Is he not grappled anymore?

MATT: He’s still grappled. He’s restrained, but he can still do abilities.

LAURA: Oh, shit.

TALIESIN: We’re fine.

MATT: 60, fine. Yeah, you’re up there, but it sees the cluster in that direction. That’s his own guy. He won’t do that.

TRAVIS: He wouldn’t?

LAURA: Ooh, honorable.

MATT: Hold on, I’m trying to see what’s the most useful–

SAM: Maybe they’re family.

LAURA: Maybe they are.

MATT: He can’t move. He can’t angle it. It’s really frustrating for him.

LIAM: For him, right? For him? It’s frustrating for him.

MATT: Yeah, for him.

TRAVIS: It really frustrates him.

MATT: And for that, he’s gonna aim for Trinket and Vax.

LAURA: What is he doing, what?

MATT: Aiming for Trinket and Vax.

LAURA: (gasps)

MATT: So, all of a sudden, it turns its head this way, opens its mouth (hoarse gasp) and you watch as this small spiral of greenish energy begins to swirl. And a singular burst of extremely accelerated water just (hard impact sound) fires through the fog out of sight. You hear this (whoosh) sound, and you turn just in time to watch as it blasts towards both you and Trinket. I need you to make a dexterity saving throw, and Trinket as well.

LIAM: Vax or Vex?

MATT: Vax.

LIAM: Vax. Yeah, you’re fine.

LAURA: Yeah, I’m fine.

LIAM: Oh, you’re doing Trinket, right.

LAURA: Whoa! Trinket rolled so good!

LIAM: 17.

MATT: 17?

LAURA: Hold on, hold on, holda.

SAM: Hoda, hoda, hoda, hoda.

LAURA: Hoda, hoda, hoda, hoda. 20!

MATT: All righty. So Trinket manages to (whoosh) duck down, taking half the damage.

LAURA: He was very zen about that duck down.

TRAVIS: (Trinket groans)

LAURA: Matrix style, he’s diving in. No.

MATT: So 15 points of bludgeoning damage to Trinket. 30 to you, Vax.

LIAM: But halved, 'cause if I fail, it’s halved. If I succeed, it’s zero. It’s a dexterity so it’s Evasion.

MATT: Yeah. Evasion–

LIAM: Evasion is for dex saves. If I fail, I take half damage, and if I succeed I take no damage.

SAM: Ooh! That’s sexy.

MATT: Right.

LIAM: It’s how I survive dragon fights.

MATT: Yes, yes.

TRAVIS: (singing) How I survive dragon fights.

SAM: Guys, we’re having a water battle.

LAURA: You guys!

TALIESIN: I’ve been waiting for this for so long.

LAURA: Well, we’re having a pirate battle.

TRAVIS: Super soaker!

SAM/TALIESIN: Super soakers!

TRAVIS: Super soaker 250, super soaker 500, super soaker 1000. You remember those?

TALIESIN: Oh yeah.

SAM: Yeah. I didn’t know they had gauges.

TALIESIN: Oh, yeah.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: So you take 15 points of bludgeoning damage. However, you are pushed 20 feet away and knocked prone.

SAM: Ooh. Ooh.

LAURA: Oh, no.

SAM: Off the ship?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: (whoosh) Off the edge of the ship.

SAM: Oh! No!

LAURA: (gasps) Bro!

MATT: He (splash) into the water below. (splash) It’s with such force, that you aren’t even given a chance to grab at the ship. You’re thrust off at an arc.

LIAM: Mm-hm.

MATT: And (splash) into the water. (splash) into the ocean–

LAURA: Gosh, thank god Trinket ducked.

MATT: – soaking you down into the wave. The elemental creature swirls up and occupies both the space of Grog and Trinket, and is going to go ahead and turn it into a whelm. So it’s going to uh, attempt to whelm both of you, and I need you and Trinket to make strength saving throws.

TRAVIS: Strength saving throws. I have advantage because I’m raging. 26.

LAURA: 18.

MATT: All righty. You guys, both pushed out of its space. So it forces you out. However, you both manage to escape any sort of damage as its giant spiral, this whirlwind of water spins around and you both barely force your way out of it before it can do any serious damage to you.

LAURA: Bearly.

MATT: All right, that leads us to Vax’s turn.

LIAM: Okay, so in the water, click the boots, and the wings shoot-out, and I explode up, out of the water into the air.

SAM: Wow, so cool.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: And I just start gunning it towards the guy who knocked me in, right?

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: And when I’m about, I don’t know, 30 feet away from him, I’m gonna– because I’m hasted I get 120 feet of movement just for regular movement.

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: And when I’m within 40 feet, I’m gonna throw Whisper at the guy.

MATT: Okay, that will put you about there.

LIAM: Yep.

TRAVIS: Hit him. Hit him!

LIAM: That’s 26?

MATT: 26? All righty, that hits.

LIAM: And I’m gonna bamf right up to him as I hit.

MATT: (poof)

LIAM: That is just a little ten, plus– 15.

MATT: 15 points of damage with that strike. Okay.

LIAM: And I should have one more. So I used bonus action for the wings, I did movement, I did action, so I’ve got one more action.

MATT: Your offhand attack, yeah.

LIAM: Yeah. So I will shank him again.

TRAVIS: Shank shank!

LAURA: Shank shank!

SAM: Is that a new thing? Shank shank?

MATT: You have advantage on these strikes now. Because you’re right up against him, and he is restrained.

LIAM: 20.

MATT: 20 hits. And you do get your Sneak Attack, because of your advantage on him.

TRAVIS: No more dagger dagger dagger.

SAM: Just shank shank?

LAURA: It’s just two. It’s shank shank.

SAM: Okay.

LIAM: That is just a nine! And I’ll unload some poison into him as well. The DC is 15.

MARISHA: I feel like 'shank shank’ is less attractive on a t-shirt.

MATT: That is a nine. He does not succeed!

LIAM: Okay, so he takes 2d10. Do I roll that, or do you, Matty?

MATT: You roll that.

LIAM: All right.

MATT: So what’s the damage initially?

LIAM: It’s nine. Plus 13 poison damage.

MATT: Okay, so 22. Are you gonna roll Sneak Attack damage?

LIAM: Why would I get that here? Is he up against anybody?

MATT: No, you have advantage on him because he is restrained.

LIAM: Oh, advantage, yay, I love you.

MATT: And he is not immune to poison.

LIAM: 20 Sneak Attack damage. Thanks, Matt.

MATT: How much is that total?

LIAM: 20 for the sneak attack.

MATT: 20 for the sneak attack. 20 plus 22.

LAURA: You’re attacking the guy?

MATT: We’ll see if he maintains concentration.

LAURA: How’d you get all the way over there?

MATT: He does not. So. Let me double-check one thing real fast, here, because this will be interesting.

LIAM: Shank-shank-shank. Shank-shank-shank.

LIAM/TALIESIN/LAURA/MARISHA: (singing) Shank your booty. Shank your booty.

MATT: Okay, got you. So he loses concentration. He is now poisoned and restrained. He has to make a saving throw, actually, to see– which he did not. So yeah, still restrained.

LAURA: Yes.

MATT: Whoof. That sucks. Okay, that ends Vax’s turn. Vex, you’re up.

LAURA: Awesome.

LIAM: Get him!

LAURA: Cool, then since he’s got my brother next to him, I’m gonna fly down so I can see him better, and shoot him two times with my blazing bowstring on the first one.

LIAM: She shouts as she flies through the air.

LAURA: Blazing bowstring! Activate!

MARISHA: (electric guitar sounds)

LAURA: Do I still get disadvantage?

MATT: You do, the fog is still present.

LAURA: Okay. 28.

MATT: 28 hits. Second attack?

LAURA: Second attack is just– can I do regular?

MATT: Yes, that’s fine.

LAURA: 18.

MATT: Hits. Go ahead and roll damage for both.

LAURA: 12 with three points of lightning damage.

TRAVIS: Did you add your Hunter’s Mark?

LAURA: I’m about to. 13 additional. And then ten with the blazing bowstring– nine more with the blazing bowstring.

MATT: Nice, all right.

LAURA: And then my second attack–

MATT: Correct.

LAURA: 11 plus three lightning.

MATT: All righty.

LAURA: I don’t get Sneak Attack again, but I do get Hunter’s Mark.

MATT: You do get Hunter’s Mark, yes.

LAURA: And three more for Hunter’s Mark.

MATT: Nice. So, after he’s stabbed in the side, and the poison pulses through his system, turns around, and as the arrow slams into him, burst of flame and lightning arcs through his body.

LAURA: And I’m gonna fly back a little so he can see me less. And then I’m going to have Trinket, for my bonus action–

MARISHA: (gasps)

LAURA: – run forward and attack the guy on the edge of the ship.

LIAM: Is it a leap year?

MARISHA: This hasn’t happened in like 20 games.

LAURA: I know, I know.

MARISHA: Oh my god.

MATT: Is Trinket doing just a regular attack?

LAURA: Yeah, because it’s my bonus, so he can just do one attack.

MATT: Because if you wanted to, instead of going for a damaging attack, you can go for a shove.

LAURA: Oh, I could? I didn’t think I was allowed to do that.

MATT: Yeah, you can do it, you can sacrifice an attack for a shove strike. It doesn’t do damage.

LAURA: I want him to do that. That’s what I wanted him to do.

MATT: I was wondering if that’s what you were going for. Okay, so go ahead and roll an athletics check for Trinket.

LAURA: Athletics… is that strength? That’s just five.

MATT: Five? Okay, yeah, so Trinket goes up and slams into the guy, and he gets pushed against the side of the ship, but not with enough force to shove him over the edge, and he (grunt) catches himself.

LAURA: So Trinket just stands up, he’s got his paws on his chest.

MATT: Just pressing (growls) on there, yeah.

LAURA: Growls loudly into his face.

LIAM: (growls)

MATT: All right, that ends your turn. Percy, you’re up.

LAURA: I mean, that’s scary, a big bear. Especially if these guys are on the sea. They don’t see bears very often.

TALIESIN: All right. That guy’s still in the vines, right?

MATT: Correct, yes.

TALIESIN: He’s becoming a problem, though. Okay, I’m going to, if I can pull this off, is it possible that I can break the rope that I’m currently holding onto and do a little Errol Flynn like fly down to the bottom of the boat?

MATT: You can do that, yeah.

TALIESIN: Is it possible that the rope I have to shoot is in between me and him?

MATT: Uh… sure.

MARISHA: You going to kill two birds with one stone?

TALIESIN: I’m going to use a piercing shot, and I’m going to try to do both with one shot and Errol Flynn this shit.

TRAVIS: Oh shit! Oh shit!

MATT: Okay. Make an acrobatics check as part of this.

MARISHA: Errol Flynn this shit, is that what you said?

MATT: This is specifically the kind of shit acrobatics is for.

TRAVIS: Totally. 100%. Swashbuckling.

TALIESIN: Acrobatics… that’s a 23.

MATT: Yeah, go ahead and take it– still at disadvantage.

TALIESIN: Still at disadvantage.

MATT: Because of the fog.

MARISHA: Oh man, now you’re in an Angelina Jolie movie.

TALIESIN: Nope.

MATT: Nope?

TALIESIN: So this is gonna be funny, because I was using the Animus.

MATT: Yes.

TALIESIN: So depending on how mean you wanna be here, I’m gonna take my 2d6.

MATT: Oh, you misfire?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: (laughs)

TALIESIN: So this is gonna be funny. I’m gonna take my 2d6, and that’s six points of psychic damage to me, that’s cool, that’s cool.

MARISHA: What if one day you died because of that?

MATT: Okay, so you use your piercing shot to shoot both at him and to shoot the– or to shoot the rope and then swing down?

TALIESIN: Yes. So does the psychic damage mean I let go of the rope I’m holding on to? Or does it not? Also, my feet are sticky and my hand has–

MATT: Your feet are sticky, but your hands are not.

TALIESIN: But my hands are not.

MATT: It’s the blast of psychic energy. You know what? I’ll say go ahead and make a wisdom saving throw.

TALIESIN: Okay, I’m down for this.

MATT: Yes, make a wisdom saving throw to see if you can withstand the blast to your brain as your vision goes white.

TALIESIN: So that’s an eight.

LIAM: Goes in the drink.

MATT: Nope.

TALIESIN: Here’s the next question: do I have any chance of grabbing anything with my hands and feet on the way down?

MATT: Unfortunately, no. What happens is, as you grab the rope and you fire– as you slash the rope and go to swing down, you go to fire, and as you do, it backs up, and your vision just goes white and you feel your whole body go instantaneously numb. You’re not sure if you’re even holding the rope anymore. All of your–

TALIESIN: So I’m just gonna wake up on the deck of the floor of the boat.

MATT: – and the pain sears in your brain, you hear the (heartbeat) the pulse of pain through, and as your vision comes to, it clarifies, and color comes back just in time for you to see the surface of the ship rocketing towards your face. (impact sound) And you slam into the ground, straight across, landing prone at the base of the ground in front of the fish creature.

LAURA: Oh, no!

TRAVIS: It was so cool!

LAURA: That one was seriously bad.

SAM: Can I yell out, No! New best friend!

MATT: You can. You take 12 points of bludgeoning damage from the fall.

TALIESIN: 12 points of bludgeoning damage. And can I burn a bonus action, am I okay, or–

MATT: You could use– I mean, that was your action, you land, yeah. You’re still prone, but you can still use the rest of your attacks if you want.

MARISHA: I’m sorry, your best friend?

TALIESIN: I can use the rest of my actions?

MATT: I mean, that was an attack. The piercing shot. So you still have your two other attacks, if you wanted to use them.

TALIESIN: Just because it hurts and I’m irritated, I’m just gonna pull out Retort and fire in the general direction.

MATT: Okay, so two more strikes, both at disadvantage.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

SAM: (gunshot sounds)

TALIESIN: Oh, that’s not bad.

MARISHA: What the fuck?

TALIESIN: 28?

MATT: 28 hits.

MARISHA: That’s not as good.

TALIESIN: 16.

MATT: 16 does not hit.

TALIESIN: Okay, so the 28 one does, though. That’s seven points of damage.

MATT: Seven points of damage. Got it. Okay. So as you roll over on your back and pull out Retort and just fire two shots, one just goes off into the fog. You see it tear through the ship mast for a second, some wood splinters, the other one, you hear the creature take the impact from the blow. You’re not even really paying attention where it’s going, you’re just hearing the sound and shooting in that direction. All right, that’ll end your turn, Percy?

TALIESIN: Oh yeah.

MATT: (laughs)

TALIESIN: What a turn. What a terrible way to go.

MATT: Grog, you’re up.

TRAVIS: I wanna keep hitting the water elemental.

MATT: All right. So, you turn towards it over there. Go for it.

TRAVIS: Reckless attacks, please.

MATT: Yes.

TRAVIS: First one’s a 30.

MATT: That’ll hit.

TRAVIS: 21 points of damage.

MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: Second attack. It’s very methodical. 26.

MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: Does that hit?

MATT: Yes.

TRAVIS: And 17 points of damage.

MATT: 17 points of damage, all right. So you rush in and slam twice in this elemental again. You see its form with each hit is just splattering water against the ground, and where once it came up as this solid force of water, it’s starting to have difficulty keeping its form together. Where once it was focused genuinely on you and Trinket, it seems to be lashing out now in a frenzied state, it’s just punching all around. Does that finish your turn?

TRAVIS: Am I not good enough to hold your attention? Yeah, that finishes my turn.

MATT: Okay. Got you. All right. This guy here’s gonna squeeze past the side.

LAURA: Trinket attacks him on the way over.

MATT: He hasn’t moved away from Trinket yet.

LAURA: Damn it.

MATT: Actually, no, he’s gonna squeeze this way instead because Grog’s on that side. He’s gonna go ahead and move past the bear and let Trinket push his weight into the side of the ship, and is going to go ahead and take three strikes at you, Grog.

TRAVIS: Yay!

MATT: With advantage.

TRAVIS: Another play-friend.

MATT: That’s gonna be two strikes against you and one against Trinket. First one with advantage is gonna be a 24.

TRAVIS: Hits!

MATT: Dagger is gonna be a 15.

TRAVIS: Misses. With advantage too?

MATT: Yeah, his first attack roll was a one. All right, so you take ten points of piercing damage, reduced to five.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: And then the other rapier attack’s gonna go against Trinket. Which is a natural one. Jesus.

TRAVIS: Wow.

MATT: So he just swings and Trinket catches the blade in his teeth, and he draws the rapier back, which is now covered in bear slobber.

TRAVIS: This is not the time to choke, buddy.

MATT: That ends his turn. This guy here is gonna go ahead and turn to face off with Captain Adella. He’s gonna make three strikes against her.

MARISHA: C'mon, Adele Dazeem.

MATT: That’s gonna hit. First rapier strike, second rapier strike, and the dagger, all three hit, unfortunately.

LAURA: We’re all such dicks.

TRAVIS: You guys are awful.

MARISHA: We’ve got these shitty nicknames for everyone.

MATT: 14, and, okay. Total of 21 points of damage on her.

TRAVIS: 21 points.

MATT: So as she tries to parry to the side, the pirate just catches her off-guard and gets three good hits in, but Adella parries off to the side, gets pushed back a bit, and then forces her way forward, preparing her counter-attack.

TRAVIS: Come on!

MATT: That brings us to–

TRAVIS: We should probably protect the captain.

MATT: – Keyleth.

SAM: Okay.

MARISHA: Oh, shit. We’re still attached to this boat, right?

SAM: Multiple times.

MATT: Currently, yes. If you’re still concentrating on this, the water’s still pouring into it.

MARISHA: I am. How much slack do we have before I start pulling our boat underwater, because I don’t want to be that– kinda thought someone would start–

MATT: It depends, right now it’ll be probably two rounds before it begins to genuinely start sinking heavily. Depending on if the ballista get another shot at the side or not.

MARISHA: I wanna keep doing this. Can I concentrate my flooding of water so– there’s now a hole in the side of the ship, under where Tary was, right? I had to think not to say Scanlan.

MATT: Correct.

MARISHA: I wanna flood in more water. Can I flood it more on this side, to where I try and– or can I do something fancy, like a giant hand of the gods from the wave come up and–

TALIESIN: Kind of like Fantasia?

MARISHA: – take the fish-head guy?

TRAVIS: What the shit?

MARISHA: Or can I at least try and flood that side to where I can try and toss him over?

MATT: You can either choose to continue to flood the ship, or use Control Water to attack the fish character. One or the other.

TRAVIS: Don’t look at us, man.

MARISHA: Let me see if I can Control Water and take a wave to toss him overboard.

MATT: Toss him overboard?

LAURA: He’s a fish! That’ll help him.

MARISHA: He is a fish.

MATT: He is very plainly a fish-based creature.

MARISHA: He is very definitely a fish.

MATT: The lower half of his body is a swirl of water.

MARISHA: Oh, right.

TRAVIS: So put him in the water.

LAURA: I don’t think putting him in the water’s gonna help us very much.

TRAVIS: Water and water makes–

MARISHA: You know, I’ll just keep sinking this ship.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: I’m gonna keep concentrating.

LAURA: You could get rid of the fog.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: I can’t do that right now.

MATT: The torrent of water continues to shove down into the ship. You’ve redirected it. As it’s pouring into the side, you use your other hand to pick up another portion of water and start spraying it into the wound that was left right above, Taryon, you’re getting sprayed by water overhead as it’s just traveling over you like an Epcot Center water fountain.

MARISHA: You’re good, right, Tary?

SAM: Yes?

MARISHA: All right.

SAM: This is so weird!

MARISHA: Good! This is like a Tuesday for us.

MATT: All right, so the crew on this side, this guy’s gonna go ahead and move up higher up there and take a swing. Misses, unfortunately. This guy’s gonna take another crossbow shot down at the one that’s attacking the captain. That will hit, actually.

TRAVIS: Yes! Get him!

LAURA: Get him!

MATT: All righty. And then these two guys are gonna take two more ballista shots as they load up, pull it back. This guy continues– actually, this guy doesn’t get a shot, because he spent the last round winching and pulling it back, so he gets one shot retracting. This guy managed to pull it back and take a secondary shot at the ship. That hits. It’s not a critical, but it’s still pretty decent. That is 14 points of damage on the side of the ship. This one slams into it maybe about five feet to the left. Keyleth, actually all of you who are on the ship, you feel the impact as the second blow hits, and it pulls out the side, this time much lower, and water is now really pushing, the ship is slowly starting to capsize to one side. That ends that group’s turn.

SAM: I’ve read about this. Many of us will die.

(all laugh)

MATT: Tary, it’s your turn.

SAM: My turn?

MATT: Yes.

SAM: Okay. Is there water all over the deck, is it hard to move, is it okay?

MATT: I mean, it’s wet, and the deck is currently listing to one side.

SAM: Okay.

LAURA: Is it listing towards Keyleth and–

MATT: It’s listing this way.

TRAVIS: Boat shoes!

SAM: Yeah, those are like impervious to water.

(all laugh)

SAM: Okay. Once again, I’ll yell back at Doty and just say, Ahh! The thing with the grappling hooks again!

MATT: Doty actually does succeed this turn.

(all cheer)

MATT: Doty lifts it out, and now that it’s starting to pull, the chains are very taut, as this ship lists, the ship’s being pulled a little ways towards it, the chains are strained, so as soon as Doty pulls it up, it just goes firing off the side and plunges off the water to the other side. The ship’s now beginning to slowly turn this way as the other chain is now tugging it from that direction, and this is now listing to that side. So, what are you doing, Tary?

SAM: Yeah, I’m going to cast Haste as my action. And I get a second action, now, because I’m hasted, right?

MATT: You get to use a second action that’s a melee attack.

SAM: It has to be a melee attack?

MATT: Melee attack, disengage, hide…

SAM: Can I use– it said I could use a magic item.

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: Or use an item, use an item.

MATT: Yeah, use an object.

SAM: Oh, use an object, not an item. I can’t use my ring or anything, right?

MATT: I’ll say, for the purposes of this? Sure. Why not?

SAM: Okay, so I’m hasted, I will use, I pick up the Ring of the Ram, and I’ll ram the fish-man.

TRAVIS: Oh, yes!

LAURA: Oh, nice!

MATT: Okay. How many charges does it have?

TRAVIS: Ring of the Ram, that’s been a while.

SAM: Three charges, right? So I can use two?

MATT: You can use as many charges as you want that the ring holds. It should tell you up to a certain amount–

SAM: It has three charges.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Well, it says I can use an action to expend one to three of its charges. Okay. I’ll do all three, right?

(all laugh)

MATT: All right. So, it is still restrained, so go ahead and roll with advantage an attack roll plus seven.

SAM: Ooh. 19.

MATT: With advantage?

SAM: Oh. Natural 20.

(all cheer)

MATT: Oh, shit. Well. Okay. Roll 6d10 force damage.

TRAVIS: Holy shit. 6d10?

TALIESIN: How many do you need?

MATT: Well, then we double what he rolled, because it’s a critical.

MARISHA: Six, you need six?

TRAVIS: And that’s force damage.

SAM: Okay. 35. 70.

MATT: 70 points of force damage against the creature. So as you focus on your ring, there’s a burst of divine white-looking energy that turns into this giant plate-like shield in front of you, and it just stays there. You’re like, huh? And suddenly it thrusts forward, and out the front of it, like a portal, a giant spectral ram-head just slams into the chest, throwing it off the ship, as it screams, it just turns into sea foam.

(all cheer)

TRAVIS: You killed it!

MATT: It’s scattered into the ocean across from you. It is destroyed.

SAM: Can it be like a kid who’s holding a rifle, but not up to him, so it hits him and it really throws me back a little?

MATT: Which, yeah, sure. Roll a dexterity saving throw.

SAM: Five.

MATT: Off the ship, into the water.

SAM: Yes!

MATT: Splash! Into the water.

TRAVIS: Back in the drink again!

MARISHA: Are there still bad guys left?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: There are. There’s two over here, and there’s two currently in the water below. Ending your turn–

MARISHA: But nothing left on the ship, right?

LAURA: That we see?

MARISHA: That we see?

MATT: Correct. These guys are trying to swim forward. That was cocked. Nope. These guys, at the top of the round, get pushed back.

MARISHA: Bye!

MATT: Taryon–

SAM: I lost Alter Self when I hasted.

MATT: Yeah, so you’re just generally swimming, but you also float back in the ocean. You’re now caught in the water behind, so the ship carries on without you.

TALIESIN: And that was the last anyone saw of Taryon Darrington.

(all laugh)

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: He got his $50,000 worth.

MATT: The water elemental’s going to go ahead and take two slam attacks.

SAM: You there! Hello.

MATT: It’s taking a slam attack against Grog, it’s taking a slam attack against the pirate.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

MATT: So against Grog, it has advantage on you because you used reckless.

TRAVIS: Yep.

MATT: That is a 23.

TRAVIS: Hits.

MATT: 16 points of bludgeoning damage, reduced to eight.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: And against the pirate, that hits. And the elemental reaches around, and as it punches Grog in the face, it slams the other pirate in the head, its fist engulfing his head, and he just kind of stands there, trying to find a way out, and it just drowns him while it’s standing, and it drops the body to the ground.

LAURA: Oh, fuck.

TRAVIS: Oh, it killed him?

MATT: Yeah, it lashed out.

LAURA: One of our guys?

MATT: Did enough damage– no, one of the pirates.

LAURA: Oh, shit. He is untameable.

MATT: Vax, you’re up.

LIAM: You know when you look at a cat that’s alarmed because it’s nervous and all the hair is puffed out? Vax’s feathers are all going like pffft, watching Keyleth wreck the boat, I could fucking watch you do this all day. Up into the air, and I go and get Tary out of the water.

SAM: Aw!

MATT: You go grab Tary.

LIAM: And I’m gonna pick him up and dump him back on our boat, towards the back of the ship.

MATT: Okay, carrying him, we’ll say you’re at half speed, so that gets you just to the edge of the ship.

LIAM: Cool. I’m good. Wait, no, do I have an action left? Can I use Divine Sense right now?

MATT: As you’re hasted, you have the haste action…

LIAM: Yeah, I am hasted.

MATT: I’ll say you can use Divine Sense, sure.

LIAM: Okay. I pat him down and go, we’re good, we’re good, and I’m just gonna make sure he’s not a demon.

MATT: Oh. Taryon.

LIAM: Yes.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: A demon? What?

LAURA: Why a demon?

MARISHA: What? Why would you think he’s a demon?

SAM: Guys, the conclusion of the epic series Shades of Magic, A Conjuring of Light, was just released, so go pick it up. It’s put out by Tor books, a leading publisher of science fiction and fantasy for over three decades.

MATT: Okay. That ends Vax’s turn. Vex, you’re up.

LAURA: Okay. I’ll fly over to Percy, who’s on the fucking ground.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: And I say, are you good?

TALIESIN: It was worth it. Good.

LAURA: Lovely. Get off this boat. And I’ll fly over and try to help out the fight on the other side.

MATT: Okay. We’ll say that’s 20… 40… yeah, you can get over here.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: You’d still be just above the fray.

LAURA: And then I’ll shoot some arrows at–

MATT: There’s one guy left, and the elemental.

LAURA: I’ll shoot 'em at the guy.

MATT: Okay, go ahead for two strikes on that.

LAURA: Yeah. Oh, disadvantage, too?

MATT: The fog is still around, so yes.

LAURA: Oh, damn it. Okay.

TRAVIS: Oh, one of them was a–

LAURA: Yeah, but. 20 on the first one, and 15 plus seven on the second one. 22.

MATT: Both hit. Roll damage.

LAURA: Awesome.

MARISHA: You have a d3?

SAM: I need a d3.

TALIESIN: It’s a d6.

MARISHA: It’s a d6 cut in half.

SAM: Wait, two, four, six or something? Okay.

LAURA: Oh, Jesus, this is terrible, this is terrible.

TALIESIN: There is actually a d3 that has two ones, two twos, and two threes.

LAURA: 17. Plus three lightning damage. And then… 16 plus two lightning damage. And then for my bonus action, Trinket’s gonna– and it was Sneak Attack, because there’s something next to him, huh?

MATT: Correct.

LAURA: (cackles) Five for sneak attack!

MATT: All righty.

LAURA: And then Trinket will attack him too.

MATT: Roll an attack for Trinket.

LAURA: Okay.

LIAM: (bear noises)

LAURA: Yes. That is– what is that, a bite attack?

MATT: Whichever one you decide.

LAURA: Sure, it’s a bite attack. A 24.

MATT: That hits. Roll damage.

LAURA: It’s 11.

MATT: 11. As both arrows staple, one into the guy’s knee, he falls down to the ground on one knee. The other one hits him in the side of the body, and he looks up just as Trinket chomps down over his head.

(all cheer)

MATT: And just crunches down. You watch as his skull collapses with the force of the bear’s jaw, and the arms just go limp at the sides.

(all cheer)

MATT: Trinket then shakes him a bit, and his limp body just goes whoompf, whoompf, just slamming and breaking into the side of the ship, and then drops it on the ground, and Trinket turns around and looks in your direction.

LAURA: Good job, boy!

LIAM: That made us all so happy.

LAURA: Yeah, it’s great.

MARISHA: See a guy get thrashed.

LAURA: I wish Scanlan could’ve been here to see that.

MATT: All righty.

SAM: 87 episodes. One kill.

LAURA: He’s had more than one.

MATT: Two of the guys are trying to swim, but they’re not able to keep up. You just watch them slowly vanish behind you in the fog. All right, Percy?

TALIESIN: The water elemental’s still a problem, I take it?

MATT: You can see it still lashing out, yes.

TRAVIS: And there’s one hook left.

TALIESIN: I’m going to stand up, dust myself off, pull out Bad News, take careful aim– slightly irritated aim at that water elemental, and see what happens.

MATT: Go for it. Disadvantage on the shot.

TALIESIN: Disadvantage on the shot.

TRAVIS: Has the fog not dissipated because fish-head got done with?

LAURA: No.

TALIESIN: Not yet. I’m actually going to spend a grit to gain my advantage back.

MATT: Okay. Go for it.

TALIESIN: Come on. Thank god I didn’t do that too weird. That’s 20.

MATT: 20 hits.

TALIESIN: I’m also gonna blow through most of Cabal’s Ruin, 'cause that’s funny. I know, I say that a lot. So that’s standard damage, is 15 points of damage, plus where is–

MARISHA: 1d4 plus four… 1d6 lightning damage per charge expended.

TALIESIN: Okay, 1d6 per charge. You know? Let’s end this. Should we just end this?

MARISHA: That’s good. Lightning’s bad for water. Not that I’d know.

TALIESIN: I figured it would be. I’m just gonna blow eight of the charges, so do you have five more–

MARISHA: Yeah, I do. Five more, of course. Dream come true, make it happen.

LAURA: If this doesn’t end it…

TALIESIN: So plus (counting) 23 points of lightning damage on top of that.

MATT: Okay, so as you bring Bad News down and aim across the way, fire the bullet, it blasts across, and you guys see this glow of electrical energy that just shoots through the air, the bullet enhanced by the Cabal’s Ruin vestige enchantment. As it blasts into the side of the elemental, the elemental gets blown back through the air, and as it does, it just vaporizes.

(all cheer)

MARISHA: Is that everyone done?

MATT: All the enemies currently seem to be not on the ship, or dragging behind. However, (creaking noise)

TALIESIN: I’m going to stop, I’m going to wave, and I’m going to go walk over and start looking to see if I can see what that glow is. I’m going to deactivate this, because I want to loot this ship.

MATT: Okay. Make a perception check.

TALIESIN: Ooh, that’s better. That’s 25.

MATT: 25. You glance in the side, and you see now, there is a singular small palantír-type orb, but smaller, that is a foggy gray color on the inside that’s slowly swirling, and you can see it’s gathering condensation and mist around it.

TALIESIN: Does there seem to be any mechanism for turning it off or otherwise?

MATT: It looks like it’s just embedded into it.

MARISHA: Take it with us, take it with us.

TALIESIN: I’m going to at least try and pick it up, and–

MATT: Make a strength check.

TALIESIN: Okay.

LIAM: While he’s busy, I’m gonna jet over next to Keyleth.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Oh, are we in combat rounds?

MATT: We’re going to stay in order for a second.

LIAM: Oh, okay.

MATT: There is a bit of a–

TALIESIN: That’s adorable.

MARISHA: That’s sad.

TALIESIN: Three.

MATT: (straining sound) You feel something pop in your back shoulder, and your right arm gets a little numb.

TALIESIN: That’s so mean.

(all laugh)

LIAM: It’s like when you just reach out to pick up something–

MARISHA: Yeah, you never know. Getting old, man.

TALIESIN: There’s no way to–

MATT: As you go over to it, you see it’s there, but it’s currently held in place by something that’s beneath the orb, or at least it’s either adhered or glued to or held there, you just don’t have the strength to lift it.

TALIESIN: There’s gotta be a way to turn this off.

MATT: So that’s your turn.

MARISHA: I shout to–

MATT: It’s Grog’s turn, actually.

MARISHA: Sorry.

TRAVIS: I go over to the harpoon hook, and like, fuck this harpoon hook. Can I try and get it out of the ship with my strength?

MATT: Sure, go ahead and roll a strength check. With advantage, because you are raging.

TRAVIS: Hey. 25.

MATT: One-handed.

LAURA: Hey!

MATT: (tink, fwoomp) And it just flies out of your grip from the tension out of the ship. You have to pull your hand back 'cause the– one of the giant gnarled edges of it almost take your arm off in the process.

TRAVIS: (gasp)

LAURA: You almost lost that gauntlet!

MATT: It tears a section of the edge of this boat off. Just the railing on the side kind of pulls through it immediately.

TRAVIS: I’ll pay for that.

MATT: Trinket has to pull off to the side and the one guy kind of backs up immediately as it shoots off into the water below. For you guys, the ship, now that it doesn’t have the tension to the side, is now capsizing very quickly and turning on the side.

TALIESIN: Oh, god.

TRAVIS: I feel like I did something bad.

MARISHA: That was cool!

TRAVIS: Oopsie.

MATT: Keyleth, you’re up.

MARISHA: I say: Hey guys! Cruises are really trashy! (laughs)

TRAVIS: Jokes while you’re doing that.

MARISHA: And I still have Control Water going.

LIAM: Tip your waiters.

MARISHA: Can I flush out the bottom of the cruise ship and bring whatever treasure is up out of the bow with what water is there? Just kind of (whoof)?

TALIESIN: Like a spigot.

MATT: You’re kinda off to the side. You can look down, it’s not very well-lit on the inside at all. Like, it is not lit on the interior. You do have your elven darkvision for a few feet, so you have to glance over and look into the room below, but right now all you’re seeing is seafoam and ocean pouring into the side of the ship.

MARISHA: Okay, I stop sinking the boat. Because we’re not dying.

MATT: Okay. The ship is still sinking. You filled it with water, and currently the side of it has been blasted twice.

MARISHA: I bring the water up like a fountain of wealth and youth. Just coming up. Out of the bottom.

(all laugh)

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Wow.

MARISHA: Just other way.

LIAM: Oh, boy!

MARISHA: Seeing what comes out from the bottom of the ship.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Hopefully not dead bodies or like–

TALIESIN: (sings) It’s rainin’ men…

LAURA: I know, if there were slaves–

MARISHA: Slave trade or something sad– yeah, like slave.

LAURA: Fingers crossed. Let’s not do that to Keyleth.

MARISHA: Oh, come on!

TRAVIS: It’s just kids!

MARISHA: He’s looking at his notes like it’s a thing!

TRAVIS: It’s just kids.

EVERYONE: (laughs and groans)

TRAVIS: Kids and puppies!

MARISHA: That’s my worst nightmare!

MATT: You’re terrible!

TRAVIS: Kids and puppies!

LIAM: Gosh!

MATT: Okay, so as the water comes rushing up from underneath, you see a lot of genuinely soaked food items come shooting up, large chunks of broken wood, what appear to be additional iron ballista spears.

MARISHA: Oh!

MATT: And lots of chain come firing up from the inside.

MARISHA: Watch your head! Points!

MATT: Furniture, chairs, occasionally (water sound effects) just pieces of broken things from the interior. You’re not seeing much else than that at the moment.

MARISHA: Aw. These were lame pirates! No treasure.

TALIESIN: Let’s get the orb at the very least.

MATT: (sarcastically) Good pirates keep all their treasure on their ship at all times.

MARISHA: Lame!

(all laugh)

LIAM: Just hundreds and hundreds of NES classics.

LAURA: We really should’ve kept one of them alive.

TRAVIS: Do you wanna check the captain’s quarters before it all goes down?

LAURA: Yeah! What if there’s a map to treasure?

LIAM: (sighs) Looks like it’s going down pretty fast, though, yeah?

TRAVIS: Those of you on the boat–

TALIESIN: Doing it now– yes, we want to it now while there’s an order of operations based on a die roll!

KEYLETH: I have control! I have control!

MATT: Taryon!

SAM: Yes?

MATT: Anything you wish to add to this circumstance? You’re now soaking wet, but your winged savior has lifted you down onto the edge of the ship.

LIAM: (ting)

TALIESIN: (sings) And I would do anything for love.

SAM: How many of you can fly?

LIAM: Two or three, give or take.

SAM: Amazing! Incredible! Stupendous! No, I have nothing to add, other than– do you need my assistance in cleaning up any of these ruffians? Oh, also, one question.

LIAM: Yeah?

SAM: Did I hurt the beast?

LIAM: Man, you did great! You knocked that guy clear off!

SAM: Really?

LIAM: Yeah.

SAM: I killed it!

LIAM: That’s a good start, man.

SAM: What was it?

LIAM: What was it?

SAM: Yes!

LIAM: Oh, you need to ask the white-haired one. I dunno.

SAM: Okay!

TALIESIN: Oh, that’s me!

SAM: Was it bad?

LIAM: The worst!

MATT: All right, so you spend your turn conversing.

LIAM: Yes.

SAM: Pretty much!

LIAM: Six seconds of dialogue, right there!

MATT: All right, we’ll say for the pace of things here, guys, the ship is maybe 30 seconds from fully sinking into the water. Anybody you guys wanna–

LAURA: 30 seconds?

LIAM: I’m gonna do what I said before, and I’m gonna go and land next to Keyleth.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: See if we can grab the orb. I’m gonna run downstairs and see if I can see paperwork in the captain’s quarters or anything– or run in the captain’s quarters and just do a massive loot, really, just as quick as I can.

MATT: Investigation check with disadvantage. The room is currently tilted pretty heavily, and everything has slid and collided onto one side of the room. It’s just a giant pile of broken furniture.

MARISHA: I said I balanced it out and that I’m kind of doing that.

TRAVIS: You want me to jump over there and go get the orb?

LAURA: Yeah!

MARISHA: We also kinda put a bunch of holes into the side of it.

MATT: Yeah, there are a bunch of holes in the ship–

MARISHA: So I can only do so much.

MATT: Your Control Water can localize some cool effects, but overall the ship itself has taken too much damage.

TRAVIS: Can I use my boots of Feral leaping to leap from one ship to the other?

MATT: Sure, make an athletics check.

LAURA: I want to fly down and help Percy investigate. If there’s time.

LIAM: We’re pretty flush already. Let’s make it quick.

TALIESIN: Well, there might be something magic. Okay. My investigation check is 19.

MATT: 19 with disadvantage?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: Nice! All right, pulling from the inside and rummaging through, you find–

TALIESIN: Any papers I’m just gonna grab.

MATT: Yeah, you grab whatever papers you can, there’s a small leather tube, you grab that. Looking about inside, there’s a ring of keys. You find a bunch of scattered coins throughout the room. It looks like there was a couple of small chests that just opened up and–

TALIESIN: I’m looking more for magic, I don’t care about gold– magic or weird.

MATT: Right.

TALIESIN: Catch the eye. Are the keys, like–

MATT: They look like some sort of opening device, yeah.

TALIESIN: Oh, no. Okay, yeah, I’m gonna grab them anyway.

MATT: Okay. So you grab the keys. Cool. All right.

TRAVIS: 22. To jump across.

MATT: To jump across, okay. So you make it across, and you try and go underneath now. The ship, now, not only is it listing to one side, but it’s starting to lift up a little bit.

MARISHA: I try to balance it as much as I can.

MATT: So you’re slowing the process. Slowing it.

MARISHA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Make my way to the orb. Rip it out.

MATT: The ship is also slowly moving behind the other ship, as it’s no longer maintaining speed. All right, so what are you doing?

TRAVIS: I’m trying to make it to the orb that he was too weak to pull out–

MATT: Strength check.

TALIESIN: I hope you pull something in your knee.

TRAVIS: Hah! 25.

TALIESIN: God damn it.

MATT: (popping sound)

TRAVIS: I got it! Throw it in the water?

TALIESIN: No! Let’s keep it, let’s bring it to the other ship.

MARISHA: Put it in the Bag of Holding, Grog.

TRAVIS: In the Bag of Holding.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: And I run, and I try and jump back to the other boat.

MATT: Make an athletics check.

TRAVIS: I’m not gonna make it, but–

LAURA: You might.

LIAM: You might.

TRAVIS: 23.

MATT: Five, ten, 15, 20… You catch the edge and are dangling on the side of the ship as your fingers are right there.

LIAM: Looney Tunes!

TRAVIS: (breathing hard) I’m good.

SAM: You could have flown.

TRAVIS: I swallowed the coin.

MATT: Percival, water is now starting to spill in underneath you, and you’re now about knee-deep inside, and everything’s– all the papers that you haven’t already grabbed are soaked and floating up at the top.

TALIESIN: I’m gonna run out. There’s– oh, man. I don’t hear anything coming from down below, do I?

MATT: Make a perception check.

LAURA: Did you ever hear that I wanted to go help Percy investigate, was I able to do that?

MARISHA: Please tell me I didn’t kill someone innocent again.

MATT: Yeah, you could fly over. Because you’re behind him. As you rush in to help him, he has a couple armfuls of things, the room is now about knee-high with water and is tilting heavily to this side, and there’s just floating bits of paper and soaked books and pieces of broken wood and furniture– the room is utter chaos.

LAURA: Anything interesting?

TALIESIN: Yeah, I don’t know. Hold on. I’m gonna listen for it.

MARISHA: Hopefully no innocent people.

TALIESIN: Perception check.

SAM: (muffled) Help me, I’m an orphan!

TALIESIN: You’re terrible. 17.

MATT: 17? You take a listen. Through all the splashing of water, the sound of wood creaking, and the ocean outside, you don’t hear anything.

LAURA: What are you listening for?

TALIESIN: I show the keys. I’m worried there’s a cage down there. I still have the spider boots, so I’m holding on.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Can I hear anything with my elven ears?

MATT: Make a perception check.

TALIESIN: You’ve got an elven perception check.

LIAM: They’re taking the hobbits to Isengard.

LAURA: What do your elf eyes see? Oh, nothing.

LIAM: It was a one.

LAURA: It was a one.

MATT: Okay, yeah. You go down and listen, and as soon as you do the water splashes up into your ear, and you get a bunch of salt water in the ear canal. Up in your nose a bit. You’re like, ugh.

LAURA: That was awful. We should get out.

TALIESIN: I’m gonna hand her a bunch of stuff, including some of my things, and be back– I’m gonna try and see if I can just–

MATT: Spider-boot down.

TALIESIN: Spider-boot and see if I can hold my breath and look.

LAURA: Don’t drown, Percival.

TALIESIN: I’m gonna grab, and try and use the lenses on my mask to even get a clear shot of what’s under there.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: And I’m just trying to visualize with the last ten minutes that I have of Control Water to clear the bottom of this passage.

MATT: So you can do that. You can prevent, slowing the sinking, to part water.

MARISHA: The rushing-in, that’s what I want to do. I wanna part right where Percy’s heading.

MATT: Okay. As you do that, the ship begins to list even further back and at an angle, and you watch as the front of it comes upward, and everything on the ship begins to slide past–

TRAVIS: Yes!

MATT: – in the direction of Keyleth and Vax.

MARISHA: Sorry, physics.

LIAM: Get off!

MATT: Can I have you both make dexterity saving throws, if you could.

MARISHA: What, me too?

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: Jesus F. Christ.

MATT: A bunch of barrels just (rolling sound) in your direction.

MARISHA: Oh, that’s not too bad. Just straight dex saving throw. Plus five.

LIAM: Natural 20.

MARISHA: What did I roll? 16.

MATT: Okay, yeah, you both manage to just sidestep out of the way as they tumble past and splash into the water below.

TALIESIN: Get out of here, you two!

MATT: You’re starting to lose your footing a little bit. You probably have one more round before you just start sliding off the edge.

LIAM: Let’s go, man!

MARISHA: Quick, quick, quick!

TALIESIN: I’m fine. Vex is here, you two leave.

MATT: Percival. Perception check, as the water separates in the room.

TALIESIN: Yeah. That’s what I’m hoping for.

MARISHA: Aw, you rolled a 19!

TALIESIN: That’s 26.

MATT: Okay. As you push down into the chamber with the walls of the water to the sides– as you look down, and most of the furniture that was thrust up out of this area is cleared out. You do see two cages in the far back, one of which is empty. The other one does seem to have some sort of humanoid inside.

TALIESIN: I’m going for it.

MARISHA: Come on.

MATT: Okay. You rush up to the cage, and you look inside and you can already see what looks to be a slumped-over humanoid. You see no features, and there’s no light down here, and your human eyes don’t make out a lot of detail. The fact that you rolled so high– it’s only the little bit of light comes down here that’s reflecting around.

LAURA: Shit.

TALIESIN: I’ve already got the keys in my hand and I’m just going to start going for it.

MATT: First key, nothing. Second key, nothing. Third key, noth– (creaking sounds)

SAM: Cut the red wire!

MATT: Water begins to pour in from another side, and the ship itself is pulling back. I want you to go ahead and make an intelligence check.

MARISHA: Come on, Percy. Come on.

TALIESIN: I’m going to choose to use a Resolve. That’s a save, isn’t it?

MATT: That’s for a saving throw.

TALIESIN: God damn it.

TRAVIS: Why didn’t you roll the snitch?

MATT: What did you roll?

TALIESIN: I rolled a one.

MATT: A natural one. You start getting the keys in, and there’s probably a good 15 or 16 or so keys on here, and you get through about six of them before the ship itself has gone into a fall, and the cages begin to slide–

TALIESIN: Okay, I’m rolling. There’s someone in there, but I can’t get it! And I’m going to spider-climb on the upside, on the wrong side of the wood and stay out of the water and crawl out.

LIAM: Was he under water, or was the water–

MATT: The water is being parted by Keyleth, currently.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: The cage is beginning to slide now, towards the back of the ship.

TALIESIN: I don’t know what to do. And I’m running out, I don’t know what else to do.

MATT: Okay, so.

MARISHA: What?

TALIESIN: There’s someone in a cage. I don’t know what to do!

LIAM: I’ll fly at that.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Are you going? I’m gonna try whatever last bit of Control Water I have to try and part and calm the waters where Vax is going, and I say, go Vax, go!

MATT: Okay, so you just fly in?

LIAM: If there’s a cage, I’ll go to it.

MATT: As you rush down inside, you watch as these two large, heavy cages are tumbling in your direction. An empty one slams just past you, and the other one slams into that, itself turning up a bit, and something inside slumps to the side of the bars.

MARISHA: I’m trying to calm the water as much as I can.

LIAM: Can I even see the lock or where the keys were?

MATT: Make an investigation check.

LIAM: All right.

MATT: The keys you do not have. Percy has–

TALIESIN: I have the keys, but none of them were working.

LIAM: That’s a 21.

MATT: 21. You manage to, as you leap up using your wings in little bursts– this is a small, enclosed space, you can’t use too much of the air to fly. In what little bit of parting of the water’s being done, you catch up and climb onto the top, and you can see the cage has turned on its side, and the doorway is on the top. So you can see the actual lock.

LIAM: All right. While I’m hasted, do I have an action left to get up there and pick it?

MATT: I’d say yeah.

LIAM: Yeah? Okay.

LAURA and MARISHA: Go, go, go!

LIAM: 32.

MATT: You reach out and pull out your picks, and as you look up– Keyleth, at this point you’re parting the water, but the ship is now sinking, and you are– you’re sliding off.

TALIESIN: I grab. Can I make a jump to grab?

MATT: You can. Go ahead and make a dexterity check.

MARISHA: And I’m just holding concentration, hoping someone catches me.

TALIESIN: My dexterity– save or check?

MATT: Either.

TALIESIN: They’re both the same. It doesn’t matter.

MARISHA: That’s good, that’s good.

TALIESIN: 22.

MATT: Just catch Keyleth as she’s about to slide off the edge, and you hold her there. Now, I will not require a concentration check from you, however, you’re about to both go under water.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: You’re holding her at the edge of the ship. You get the door open. It slams over on the side. And looking down inside, you can see what appears to be a slumped-over, soggy mess of a person. Unconscious.

LIAM: Okay, can I keep going here, or–

MATT: Yeah. Grab them, pull them up, fireman’s carry–

LIAM: And then just try to slowly, messily float him up and out of here.

LAURA: I want to go help if I can.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: Yeah, there’s not much room for flight, it’s more like–

LIAM: All right, so pull.

MATT: – leaping through, as you make your way there. You just get up onto the edge as the water goes past both Percy and Keyleth. You guys, your faces just (splash) beneath the ocean water.

MARISHA: Yeah!

LIAM: I shout out, Twinnie!

LAURA: I help, I help, I help.

MATT: You rush down from the broom. He goes and flings the person over your lap, and you take up on the rest of the ship as the boat now is completely submerged. You watch the tip of it just (splash) beneath the water. Bubbling the water up around as–

MARISHA: I drop Control Water, switch back to my Alter Self, grab Percy, head back to the boat.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: While this is going on, I’m asking Captain Adella’s crew for towels. Could I get a towel? Or some sort of– I’m really wet, here.

MATT: They’re all on the edge of the ship, watching this happen. With one in the crow’s nest, keeping an eye out. And they’re not paying any attention to you.

SAM: I’m just worried that this will rust if I don’t get it dry soon, so if I could get some towels, or maybe someone to fan it off, that would be great. Thank you.

MATT: All right. No response, but you are eager to repeat your question. As you make your way over, Keyleth, you pull Percival– because both of you guys sink quite a bit below with the ship. As soon as it goes under, it goes under fast, and as soon as you glance up to watch that Vax makes his way out, and you can just see over the surface, you relieve that to start swimming up, and both the two of you– you release your boots, and begin to make your way to the surface. It takes a moment, and you just get to the cusp of what you can hold your breath, before you both break the surface. Percy takes a deep breath, and you guys eventually swim your way over towards the edge of the boat. The fog, by the way, has begun to dissipate now, and has been slowly doing so since your removal of the orb from the edge.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: As you guys all manage to make your way back onto the surface of the ship, waterlogged and tired, we’re going to take a break for the restroom.

TRAVIS: Nice! A fight at sea!

MARISHA: A fight at sea!

TRAVIS: We made it off the Titanic!

TALIESIN: I fell off a boat.

LIAM: This is stupid, Rose! This is stupid!

TRAVIS: This is stupid, why would you do that?

MARISHA: Like Battleship, but better.

MATT: So we’ll be back here in a few minutes. We do have a Wyrmwood giveaway for you guys in the chat room. Be active in the chat room, just you have to use the phrase 'Wyrmwood’, w-y-r-m-w-o-o-d, in the chat room, once they initiate the actual contest, and we’ll come back from the break with the winner. So we’ll see you here in a few minutes, guys.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

BreakEdit

[break]

Part IIEdit

MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome back to Critical Role! First off, thank you again to our evening’s sponsor, Tor Books!

ALL: Tor Books!

MATT: For coming out and sponsoring this episode, make sure to check out A Conjuring of Light, the conclusion to the Shades of Magic series is now available. Also, we had a contest in the chat for this fantastic mahogany dice vault by Wyrmwood, the winner is Terrythesortofgamer.

(all cheer)

MATT: Congratulations, Terry, we’re gonna go ahead and get this signed and shipped out to you ASAP. Thank you all for entering, we’ll have more giveaways in future episodes as well as Talks Machina on Tuesday with Brian Foster. Anyway, let’s bring it back in.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

MATT: So, having returned to the ship, the fog lifted, and the path before you now clear, the rest of the open, cloudless sky before you, you continued ahead in the southwestern direction towards the Islands of Anamn, which is where Vesrah exists–

LAURA: But I wanted to see the prisoner–

MARISHA: Yeah, the prisoner.

LAURA: – are they okay? I mean, did I check them out while I was–

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: We’re getting to that right now.

MARISHA: Let’s bring 'em back.

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: Fuckin’, just cool your jets.

MARISHA: We wanna talk to him.

LAURA: Well, I mean, I had him on my lap as I was flying back. I wanted to make sure they were okay.

MATT: Right, so you come back to the– as you bring the prisoner down, you lay him down– and it is a man, early, mid-thirties-ish, maybe looks grizzled, kind of a half beard growing in–

TRAVIS: Kill him.

MATT: – he is drowned at the moment.

LAURA: (gasps)

SAM: Oh, he’s dead?

MATT: He’s not breathing, he is waterlogged, and even at a quick glance, you can see he has scars all over his body–

LAURA: Oh no.

MATT: – his clothes are tattered–

MARISHA: Do I have any residual Control Water left? Yeah?

MATT: I’d say yeah, you’re still concentrating–

LAURA: I roll him on his side.

MARISHA: Can I see if I can pull any water out of his lungs?

MATT: You know what? Make a wisdom check.

LIAM: Out come the lungs.

LAURA: (vomit noise) And he’s dead. Dead dead.

MARISHA: That’s good! Just straight wisdom?

LIAM: He’s inside out.

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Straight wisdom?

TRAVIS: What is dead may never die!

MARISHA: 21.

LAURA: Oh no, you keep scooching back.

MATT: 21!

MARISHA: Just straight wisdom?

LIAM: What the heck, Laura.

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: So you get down on the low, and you reach out and grab the shoulder, and using the last moments of your Control Water spell, you focus and begin to just siphon the water out of the lungs, and immediately the body kind of convulses, the throat opens up from the outside, and you can see the water just project outward as the chest pushes inward, expelling the rest of the liquid from the lungs. Immediately, (coughs).

MARISHA: Vax. Help.

LIAM: Yeah.

LAURA: Pat, pat, pat, pat, pat.

LIAM: I do pat, pat, pat, except I cast Lay on Hands when I do it.

LAURA: Yeah, well, I cast Cure Wounds while that happens, so go fuck yourself.

LIAM: Seems oddly competitive at this moment, where we’re saving a man’s life, but all right.

MATT: What last murmurs of this man’s life that remained as he began to fade to the drowning, you both manage to just bring him back from the cusp of death, and coughing profusely over the next 30 or so seconds, turning onto his stomach and gathering himself, taking breaths, spitting out whatever seawater still remains in his lungs, he looks back up at you all, and you can see he has a ragged, mouse-brown hair on top, and it’s shorter on the sides around the ear, rather large ears, kind of square jaw but very scrawny, and once again from the tattered clothes and scars all over his body, some fresh, some old, looks like he’s undergone a rough recent weeks–

LAURA: I feel like we’re finding Percy all over again.

MARISHA: No shit.

MATT: Kinda looks up at everyone. “Wh– Where am I?”

LAURA: On a boat!

TALIESIN: Different boat. Ship.

LIAM: Our boat.

MATT: “What do you want?”

LAURA: How long have you been in that cell?

MATT: “Who are you?”

MARISHA: Sorry.

LAURA: We’re your saviors.

MATT: He leans back, falls onto his palms a bit, and is just kinda laying back, too exhausted to move away, but trying to just move back a bit.

LAURA: Can I insight check him and make sure? I just don’t trust anyone.

MATT: Sure. Insight check.

LAURA: Ooh, natural 20. Wow wow wow.

SAM: He’s a demon.

MARISHA: Oh shit.

LIAM: It’s Hotis, it’s Hotis, it’s Hotis, it's Hotis!

LAURA: Oh it is, it’s Hotis, it’s Hotis!

MARISHA: Oh, I don’t wanna fight Hotis on the ocean.

SAM: Guys, feel free to keep–

MARISHA: What you got? What do you got, Grog?

MATT: Shove off, Travis.

SAM: Keep tweeting those pick-up lines to @TorBooks. They like 'em. I do, anyway.

LIAM: Guys, I’m gonna make a Tor Books run, does anybody want anything?

MATT: Curse you, Travis.

SAM: Grande fantasy novel?

LAURA: Don’t worry.

MATT: (coughs)

LAURA: Your captors have been defeated.

MATT: “Well that’s good, eh?”

LAURA: You’re safe. What’s your name?

MATT: He leans forward, sits up and looks at you. He seems to soften a little bit, though he’s still guarded. “Thenton Groose. First Mate of the ship Tempest Fang. Yeah.”

LAURA: Tempest Fang?

MATT: “Tempest Fang. Yeah. It was taken by a bunch of bastards, kept me in that cage for a few weeks.”

LAURA: Weeks.

MARISHA: Tempest Fang– where do you hail from?

MATT: “Who wants to know?”

MARISHA: Keyleth, of the Air Ashari.

MATT: “From around.”

MARISHA: From around?

MATT: “I’m a businessman of the seas.”

MARISHA: Not the sailor type, then?

MATT: “Sail a bit.”

MARISHA: What were you doing on the Ozmit Sea?

MATT: “Making a shipment across to Emon from Issylra, and this group of thugs decided to go ahead and ransack us from the side. Took our ship down and most of the crew. Kept a few of us alive underneath. Seems like I was the one who lasted the longest.”

MARISHA: From Emon to where?

LIAM: From Issylra to Emon.

MATT: “From Issylra.”

MARISHA: Oh, from Issylra.

LIAM: What was your cargo?

MATT: He looks at you for a second, reads you up and down as you step into the conversation. “General goods. Few fancy textiles–”

LIAM: Insight check.

MATT: “Some silks, some furs.”

TALIESIN: Insight.

MATT: Insight check.

LIAM: 18.

TALIESIN: 19.

LAURA: Ooh.

SAM: Oh boy!

LAURA: Again, again!

SAM: Lots of whispers, guys.

LIAM: Just come sit with us.

MARISHA: All the whispers.

LAURA: Oh, but do you just wanna hang out over here? 'Cause Travis is just gonna fuck with your shit again.

SAM: Hey, in the future– Travis, what do you think about this– don’t shake your butt.

MARISHA: Yeah!

SAM: That’s disgusting.

MARISHA: Get it, Levi’s, yeah.

SAM: What if we– here’s my pitch. What if we have two tin cans and a string that just goes to Matt, and we can do like one of these things.

MATT: That’s a great idea.

SAM: Ah! Ah!

LAURA: That would be so cool.

MATT: “Yeah, I’m just– I’m glad you came along.”

TALIESIN: Tell me, friend. Why did they keep you alive?

MATT: “That’s a good question.”

TALIESIN: It is.

MATT: “I don’t fucking know.”

TALIESIN: What did they ask you?

LAURA: Can we get some food?

TALIESIN: I think that’s a great idea.

MATT: Immediately his eyes widen–

LAURA: I was talking back to Captain Adella or one of the crewmates. Not you, Grog.

MATT: As soon as you do that, Captain Adella goes, “Ah, I don’t get food. You get food!” And one of the other crewmates, “Oh, oh right.” And he immediately jumps down below the deck.

SAM: I’m gluten-free!

LIAM: Well, we saved your life, how else can we help you, friend?

MATT: “Oh, just drop me off at the nearest port you get to, please.”

TALIESIN: That’s going to be a while.

MARISHA: Yes.

MATT: “That’s fine. That’s fine.”

MARISHA: Have you sailed frequently before? What was your exact duty on this ship?

LAURA: First Mate?

MARISHA: Oh. Right. He already said that. So, you sail a lot.

MATT: “A fair bit, yeah.”

MARISHA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Any tattoos on him?

MATT: Yeah, actually, a handful visibly.

TALIESIN: Any I’d recognize? I was on a boat for quite a while, as well.

MATT: Right.

TALIESIN: It was a long time ago.

MATT: Make a history check.

TALIESIN: All right. Let’s say 18.

MATT: 18? Okay. None of the symbols you recognize, necessarily, however, the arrangement of them– the placement of them and the general design are not used as– there’s tattoos you could see they’re decoration, there’re tattoos you could see that are meant as– they mean something to the person. These tattoos and their placement seems intentionally to intimidate.

TALIESIN: Huh. Okay.

LAURA: Was he a pirate?

TRAVIS: Mr. Theton Groove, is anyone looking for you right now?

MATT: “I don’t think so, my crew went down with the ship.”

TALIESIN: What was your captain’s name?

MATT: He kind of looks over at you, “Wha– what– why–”

TALIESIN: I was just curious how quickly you’d answer it. It’s fine. Carry on. You will be getting food, don’t worry, this is not us being threatening, we’re just… it’s odd finding a man in a cage in the bottom of a terrible ship filled with awful people. That alone makes us like you, but you are a bit weird.

MARISHA: That’s true. That’s all true.

TALIESIN: It is true.

MARISHA: Yeah.

LAURA: Forgive us, we have to be a bit wary.

MARISHA: We’ve seen a lot.

MATT: “No, no, that’s–”

TALIESIN: We don’t mind if you’re disreputable, we just would like to know if you’re our kind of disreputable.

SAM: If I may, new companions.

TRAVIS: Oh god.

SAM: When my father would have–

TALIESIN: Oh boy, okay.

SAM: – sort of a cagey individual that he needed to interrogate, he had an employee named The Dog who was a large man, who would come and just squeeze them until they talked. Why don’t we just do that here? It seems like it would be much quicker than talking in circles like this.

MARISHA: Do you have The Dog with you?

SAM: Well, we have this guy, who’s pretty big–

MARISHA: Oh.

SAM: – and I bet he could squeeze–

TRAVIS: I mean, I second that method, but I’m just seeing if anybody else–

TALIESIN: I feel like that’s deeply premature.

TRAVIS: It’s deeply immature. I would never do something like that.

TALIESIN: Immature indeed.

SAM: Well, all right.

LAURA: Plus he’s so frail right now, I’m afraid Grog would just break him in half.

TRAVIS: Probably.

MATT: He is noticeably looking nervously back and forth between Taryon and Grog, and–

TRAVIS: I mean, after all, we saved your life, right? You wouldn’t be (yells) hiding nothing, would you?

MATT: “No?”

TRAVIS: See?

MARISHA: Honestly, this is how we treat people we like.

TALIESIN: God, that’s also true.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: “Does anyone have any water?”

LAURA: Yes.

TALIESIN: Oh yes.

MATT: “Fresh water? Oh, thank you.” And he pulls it out and just starts drinking thirstily from it.

MARISHA: All right. So we’ve cleared a few things, right? You seem untrustworthy, and broken, so therefore we like you. What else can we learn about you?

MATT: “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Look, I have business contacts, "I can get you paid, just get me safe somewhere.”

TALIESIN: What sort of business contacts?

MATT: “The sort that I do business with, I told you. We deal in trade across the Ozmit.”

LIAM: Yeah, I mean, he’s shifty as fuck, but it’s no skin off my back, right?

TALIESIN: No, not really.

TRAVIS: We got any cages on this boat?

TALIESIN: Oh, we’re not– we don’t need that yet, where’s he going to go?

LAURA: Do I see any, like, Clasp markings on him at all?

LIAM: That question might be great, but I think we’re all right.

MATT: Nothing Clasp. Not really.

TRAVIS: Gotta sleep at some point.

MATT: You kinda glance over and look at the middle of his shoulders and his shirt is kind of billowing, and torn. No symbol of the Clasp.

LAURA: Those scars on your body. Were they from before you were captured, or after?

MATT: “Some– both ways. The cages don’t really protect very well.”

LAURA: What were they doing to you?

MATT: “They were just having fun, trying to get information about my company, and, you know. Being general pirate arseholes.”

TRAVIS: Sounds fun.

MARISHA: And you’re sure they were just pirates, yeah?

MATT: “Well, what else are they? Not the most pious men I’ve ever met.”

MARISHA: I don’t know. I’ve never met a real pirate until just now.

MATT: At which point, one of the crewmen comes up with a small cluster of biscuits, and hands them over as he greedily reaches out like, “Oh!”

MARISHA: Wait, one of the crewmen?

TALIESIN: One of ours.

MARISHA: One of ours?

MATT: Yes.

LAURA: Yeah.

LIAM: Yeah.

LAURA: I asked if they would bring him food.

SAM: We asked for food.

MATT: Adella just sent him for food.

LAURA: I asked him to bring food.

MARISHA: Why is he acting like he’s starving?

LAURA: Because he’s been in a cage for two weeks. They didn’t feed him very much.

MARISHA: Oh, him, not our crewmate.

TRAVIS: Holy shit.

TALIESIN: Oh, okay, I–

MATT: The crewman brought food, and he reached out for it.

MARISHA: Oh, sorry.

MATT: That’s okay.

MARISHA: Sorry, we were confused. Sorry.

MATT: That’s okay.

LIAM: Can’t you see everything around you? It’s all here.

TRAVIS: He brings up a plate of biscuits and hungrily starts eating.

TALIESIN: Bangarang. Bangarang!

MARISHA: I brought you biscuits! (eating sounds)

TALIESIN: Congratulations, Peter.

MATT: The crewman’s a dick, by the way. Just–

MARISHA: Do you want these?

MATT: These are good biscuits, starving guy! To be fair, that is kinda your style.

LAURA: Thenton, you will forgive us if we don’t give you free rein of the ship while you’re on here.

MATT: “Oh no, that’s fine. That’s fine. I mean, lock me up, whatever you need. Just get me back to land, please.”

LAURA: We’ll promise not to poke you.

MATT: “That’s appreciated.”

MARISHA: So, you said you travel the Ozmit Sea frequently, yeah?

MATT: “Yeah.”

MARISHA: Have you stumbled upon the island of the Vesrah? The Ashari people of this ocean?

LAURA: (laughs) Of the Ashari.

MARISHA: Of the Ashari (laughs).

MATT: He says, “If what you’re referring to is the Islands of Anamn, we generally steer clear. Too many reefs.”

MARISHA: Of Omand? Alland?

MATT: Anamn. A-N-A-M-N.

MARISHA: Almond?

SAM: Aman.

TALIESIN: Joy.

LAURA: A–

MARISHA: Almond Joy.

TALIESIN: Sorry.

MARISHA: The Island–

MATT: A-N-A-M-N. Anamn.

MARISHA: A-N-A-M-N.

TALIESIN: Cluster.

MARISHA: Anman. An-amn.

TRAVIS: Well, we should introduce ourselves, at least.

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: We are Vox Machina, a traveling group of acrobats, and–

LAURA: Defeaters of dragons. No big deal.

TRAVIS: Yep.

LIAM: I do Van Damme splits, just as he finishes that sentence.

LAURA: Trinket gets up and starts dancing around like he knows what to do, when we say we’re performers.

MARISHA: And I light up my fire hands.

TRAVIS: We do have two smarter members that are not here, Scanlan and Pike, but maybe you’ll see them later if you stick with us long enough.

LAURA: She’s a sailor, too.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

MATT: “Great.”

SAM: Percival, am I misreading the scenario here? Can I please just pour acid on him until he talks to us? It seems like he’s holding back, am I misreading, here?

TALIESIN: No– well, sort of– not really– sort of. It’s complicated. We don’t pour acid on people– well, that’s not true. No, that’s a lie. We don’t just pour acid on people, I feel like that’s reasonable to say. We don’t just pour acid–

LIAM: Context. Context is key.

TALIESIN: – there’s usually context involved. Things are complicated.

SAM: I am following your lead. But–

TALIESIN: When it is time to pour the acid, we will undoubtedly make sure that you are on the front– not yet–

SAM: Okay.

TALIESIN: – but you’re good.

SAM: All right.

LIAM: Hey, Captain.

MATT: Adella’s behind you guys–

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: – just kinda watching this whole thing with her arms crossed. One of her crewmates is currently at the helm.

LIAM: I mean, the closest place to us right now is our destination, most likely, right? We’re not gonna be able to dump this guy before we arrive, do you think?

MATT: “Yeah, no, we got maybe a day and a half travel 'til we reach the islands, so–”

LIAM: Oy.

LAURA: That’s all right, he can stay on the boat.

TRAVIS: We got an extra room for him?

MATT: “We got a– we can throw him in the brig.”

TALIESIN: We can make the brig comfortable.

LAURA: Yeah. We’ll give him food. It’s all right, right, Captain?

MATT: “We’ll set some of– one of our men on guard. All right! Pick him up. Throw him in the hole.” Two of the crewmen come behind and pick him up, and kind of lean over the shoulder, like, “Ooh, thank you. Thank you very much, all of you.” And he gets dragged off down below into the ship.

LIAM: Byeee.

MARISHA: Bye.

LAURA: Captain, have you heard of the Tempest Fang?

MATT: “I’ve heard a thing or two.”

LAURA: Oh, really?

MATT: “Yeah.”

TALIESIN: Is it a pirating vessel?

MATT: “Yeah.”

(all laugh)

MATT: “I was gonna let him finish his whole diatribe before we had a conversation, but he’s one of 18 working companies out of the archipelago, so–”

TRAVIS: I believe it’s arch-i-pelago.

SAM: Sea diarrhea!

TRAVIS: Jot this down!

(horn noises)

LIAM: That was sudden!

TALIESIN: And the tension is relieved.

MARISHA: So, wait. If he works for one of 18 companies of the archipelago, that means the archipelago has pirates–

LAURA: – 17 other companies.

MARISHA: 17 other pirate ships?

MATT: Pirate companies. It’s a very– some of them have alliances, some of them have very, very deep-rooted rivalries, and yeah.

TALIESIN: The companies themselves have more than one ship, if I recall.

MATT: Some of them do, depending on the size.

MARISHA: Wait, did we just sink one of the other 17 companies of the archipelago?

TRAVIS: Is there any extensive damage to our ship? Are we still pretty good, other than the railing getting ripped off?

MATT: “Looking around, my crewmen tell me we’re doing all right. So we’ll do some repairs when we drop off at your location. Once you do your business, we’ll have some time to go ahead and do a once-over of our ship.”

TALIESIN: I may have some charts that I stole from the other ship, as well.

LAURA: Oh, yeah. I put them in the Bag of Colding for the time being. Pull it out.

MATT: Okay. Glancing about, a lot of them are maps of portions of the archipelago, the Hespit Archipelago, some are markings of various pirate headquarters, various places of parlay. A lot of them are waterlogged and soaked and damaged, but you can see elements that are– a lot of them are hand-drawn notes in sections. The leather tube that you found, you pull it open, and there is a very, very immaculate piece of vellum paper that appears to have a number of glyphs scrawled across it.

LAURA: Shit. Do we understand?

SAM: May I see that?

TALIESIN: Sure.

SAM: I will Identify it.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: What?

(all cheer)

SAM: Much easier this way.

LAURA: That’s great! You can Identify things? How many times a day can you do that?

SAM: I think all? Scroll of Programmed Illusion. Scroll allows an arcane caster to use an action to cast the sixth-level spell Programmed Illusion. If the spell is higher-level than the caster can use, they must make a spellcasting blah-blah-blah-blah-blah.

LAURA: Are you an arcane user?

SAM: I think I am.

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Is this basically like the thing in Superman 2 where Lex Luthor’s playing chess–

TRAVIS: In the prison cell?

MATT: Kind of?

TALIESIN: Okay.

MATT: You have to look up the spell for the specifics, but yeah, it’s got some interesting uses.

SAM: Are you arcane?

LAURA: So basically it’s you. You can use it.

SAM: Am I the only arcane?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Yes, I’m a natural caster. You’re the only arcane caster.

LAURA: I mean, hold on to it in case we run into Scanlan again.

TRAVIS: I am a powerful magician.

LAURA: Or you can use it.

TRAVIS: And with that, I take out the little gem thing that I pulled off the other ship.

SAM: Ooh! Should I Identify that?

TALIESIN: You should Identify it.

MARISHA: You should.

SAM: Can I, more than once a day?

MATT: Look at the ability. It’s the spell– I gotta look.

SAM: It’s the Identify spell.

MATT: Yeah, it’s a first-level spell.

MARISHA: All the papers. All the papers in the world.

TALIESIN: I imagine you’re sitting here going–

MATT: It’s a first-level spell, so as long as you have a first-level spell slot.

SAM: Oh.

LAURA: Oh, I have a spyglass, I didn’t even need to ask for Captain Adella’s.

SAM: It’s a ritual, though, is that–

MATT: Oh, yeah, if you can use it as a ritual, then it won’t use a spell slot when you do that.

MARISHA: You just do it, it just takes time.

SAM: All right. I will ritually Identify that. What’s that all about?

MATT: That is a fog marker. It can be used by holding it a round, but it is generally used to create a 100-foot-wide fog cloud that lasts for an hour when used.

SAM: Do we know how to activate it?

MATT: To activate it, you have to spend a ten-minute period of time concentrating on the orb, and then as it gets moved, it carries the fog cloud with it and lasts for an hour.

LAURA: That’s cool.

SAM: Could be useful.

LAURA: Super useful.

TALIESIN: At the very least, it could be installed in the ship. They could have it as a possible–

SAM: Cloaking device?

TRAVIS: You could put it in the guts of Dottie.

SAM: Doty.

TRAVIS: Yep.

LAURA: Deedee?

MARISHA: Could you do that?

TALIESIN: I don’t know. It’s not like he’s hollow.

MARISHA: In Doodie?

SAM: I mean, he’s got a lot of stuff in there.

TRAVIS: But that’s not important, that stuff in there.

LIAM: What kind of stuff?

TALIESIN: Things.

SAM: You know.

LIAM: No.

SAM: When you have two wheels and some ropes and it makes a pulley system–

TRAVIS: Okay, no, just give it back to me, I’ll put it back in the Bag of Holding.

SAM: All right.

TRAVIS: Thanks.

TALIESIN: How big is the orb, out of curiosity?

MATT: The orb is maybe seven-inch diameter. It’s about that big.

TALIESIN: All right.

MARISHA: It’s seven-inch–

MATT: Yeah, it’s about that big.

TALIESIN: Interesting. All right.

MATT: So the ship is still progressing in that direction.

MARISHA: Can I do a nature check on it? On the orb?

MATT: To? What do you want to do with the nature check?

SAM: To see if it smells like nature.

MARISHA: Did it come from any Water Ashari, or anything like that?

(all laugh)

TRAVIS: What?

MATT: Roll a nature check.

SAM: Are you my brother? Are you my brother?

(all laugh)

MARISHA: 14?

MATT: It looks like a magic item.

MARISHA: That’s awesome. That’s cool.

TALIESIN: Does it have smoke inside when you turn it?

MATT: Yeah, when you turn it–

TALIESIN: Like those weird balls filled with weird sand–

MATT: Yeah, actually, it kinda looks like that. As you shift it, it swirls on the inside. It causes the air– intense condensation that eventually drips from the outside of it when it’s activated.

LAURA: Cool.

MARISHA: (laughs) Outlook cloudy.

MATT: All right. So as everything rests down in the ship you can use, you have about a day and a half travel until you’re supposed to reach the islands.

TRAVIS: Can I post up outside of the brig where stabbed-in-the-body McGee is sleeping?

MATT: Yeah. And as he–

TRAVIS: I’ll forego my room. I just want to sleep sitting up.

LIAM: Do we have rooms? I thought it was like Amex City on this–

LAURA: No, we have rooms. But they’re combined.

MATT: Yeah, they’re clustered, you have many people per room. They’re like bunks. So yeah, you post outside of the brig. As evening comes, the night passes. Is there anything you want to do? You just rest for the night?

TRAVIS: Yeah, just keep the other guard company.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Just to give him a little expert help.

TALIESIN: We’ve been tinkering on the ship, so.

MATT: What have you been tinkering?

SAM: Science-bro stuff.

TALIESIN: Science-bro stuff. Do we have to tell you what it is?

MATT: To tinker it, so I can give you a DC, yeah.

TALIESIN: So he’s got this really cool–

MATT: “We tinkered something really cool. Did it work?” Sure, it succeeds. “We built Voltron.”

TALIESIN: You were very cagey about knowing what it is while we were on break, so I didn’t know if this was a thing.

SAM: So, using one of the opals from my Helm of whatever, Brilliance, he wanted to craft a housing for it–

TALIESIN: So I’ve built a couple housings for these opals. So, you pop the opal in, and it will allow it to create either a concentrated beam–

SAM: Spotlight.

TALIESIN: Spotlight, basically, like a little flashlight, a radiant beam like a torch–

MARISHA: Floodlight.

TALIESIN: Like a floodlight, or while it’s on spotlight, it’s got a little railroad thing, it’s got a little slot that will go in and give me a little bit of a red vibe, so we can have a low-light red light, and I’m also going to make a little clip so I can stick it on my gun, so I can have a little spotlight on my gun when we’re going through a–

LIAM: It also ensures you cannot get a prom date.

TALIESIN: Hey, I’m doing okay, just saying. Percy doing okay.

LAURA: I don’t know, you’ve been tinkering a lot lately.

MATT: Okay, so that’s doable. The opal doesn’t perpetually glow–

SAM: Yeah, it lasts for an hour. Is that something we can turn off and on and it lasts for an hour, like a battery, or is it just an hour, it’s off–

TALIESIN: And then we have to pop a new opal in.

MATT: Generally, you have to pop a new opal in.

SAM: Okay, no problem.

TALIESIN: But you crack the opal, you put it in, it’s like one hour of either flashlight, and then a little blinder to turn it on and off– it’s basically like a little train lantern.

MARISHA: I was gonna say, like an old-school lighthouse.

MATT: Go ahead and roll a tinker check.

TALIESIN: Doing this together?

SAM: Can I help him?

MATT: Yes, you would be giving him advantage as you attempt to do that. So you just roll it twice, Percy.

TALIESIN: That was pretty good.

SAM: Did we get two 16s?

TALIESIN: I got a 19.

SAM: Oh. I got a 16, but I get plus ten with my tinkerer’s tools.

TALIESIN: And mine’s proficiency bonus and dex bonus on top of that 19? So that’s 30.

MATT: Between the two of you guys, it is not an issue. Even with your limited materials, but your travel-tinkering capabilities– you manage to deftly create this seamless, beautiful, you could sell it on the street.

TALIESIN: So they can– we may even make a little headband so they can pop it on.

SAM: Sure, sure.

MATT: (laughs) You guys are so cute. All right.

MARISHA: I spend my evening reconnecting with Vax.

MATT: Okay.

(all laugh)

SAM: The Hallmark card way of saying fucking.

TALIESIN: Well, there goes our sponsor by Hallmark.

MATT: Yeah, thanks. Sorry, Hallmark.

LIAM: It’s a couple days– we’ve been traveling for a while, right?

MATT: It was three days before this encounter, you have a day and a half left.

LIAM: And has a day passed since that fight?

LAURA: No.

LIAM: No, this is that night?

LAURA: This is that night, yeah.

MATT: This is the evening afterward.

TALIESIN: I’ll see if I get my charges back.

MARISHA: I don’t want to say I feel like I’m being replaced. You know? It’s not that. It’s just that Percy’s kinda found a new friend.

LIAM: You’re losing some friends.

TALIESIN: We’re not hanging out all the time, we’re being social.

MARISHA: No, it’s not that. I’m a good friend, right?

LIAM: Oh hi, Percy.

SAM: I was going to say we’re being social.

TALIESIN: I’m sorry, I’m sorry. You guys aren't there. I got distracted.

MATT: No, you guys are busy tinkering. You two are having a conversation where Vax is trying to console Keyleth’s sudden friendship crisis.

SAM: Oh! Oh! You’ve got a little smudge right there.

MARISHA: I mean, I know I can’t–

LIAM: You’re missing your friendo time, I understand.

(all laugh)

MARISHA: I can’t fulfill every need.

LIAM: We hear them laughing from their room.

(all laugh)

TALIESIN: (snorts)

MATT: It is a very thin wall.

TRAVIS: Yes, snorting.

SAM: And it was the metric system!

SAM and TALIESIN: (exaggerated laugh)

(all laugh)

MARISHA: I will never know what the metric system means. I don’t know what that is.

LIAM: They’re both, you know, really special and–

MARISHA: I’m still a good friend, right? I’m still a good friend?

LIAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: Am I a good friend?

LIAM: Yeah. You’re his best friend.

MARISHA: All right.

LIAM: Yeah, that’s just new–

MARISHA: Okay.

LIAM: – and those two have never met–

MARISHA: No, I know.

LIAM: – a nerd as pure as the other.

SAM: (laughs)

MARISHA: I know I told them to like, bond but now– I mean (sighs). No, it’s fine, it’s fine. I’m cool. I’m cool.

LIAM: You’re more than cool.

MARISHA: I’ve missed you.

LIAM: (chuckles) Hi.

MARISHA: Hi. (crying sounds)

(all laugh)

LIAM: I dry the tears away. Do you know–

MARISHA: (tearfully) New guy and the new guy dynamic! And I don’t know what the new guy’s chemistry’s like!

LIAM: Do you know what’s really cool, though? We’re not on the verge of death every fucking day right now.

MARISHA: (tearfully) That’s true.

LIAM: Yeah, you know, pluses and minuses.

MARISHA: (tearfully) I’m glad the new guy’s the worst of our problems.

(all laugh)

LIAM: Come here, you.

MARISHA: (tearfully) I just love Percy so much.

LIAM: I know, I know.

MATT: Aw.

LIAM: I know.

MATT: An evening of consoling and the rest of you guys get your evening’s rest, you outside the brig, uneventful.

LAURA: I did want to talk, but that’s okay.

TALIESIN: I get that.

LAURA: I can talk later.

MATT: Oh, did you want to talk? Go for it. Go for it.

TRAVIS: (burps)

LIAM: Go interrupt the party.

LAURA: Yeah no, I was going to.

TALIESIN; Well, I was going to say, you’re welcome. We’re finishing up, you’re welcome in.

MARISHA: (sobs)

LAURA: Oh! Only when you’re finishing up.

TRAVIS: Ooh.

TALIESIN: Well, I don’t know when you were– We obviously did it.

SAM: We built our–

TALIESIN: I love that so much, it’s so–

TRAVIS: Wow, wow.

LIAM: Did it?

TALIESIN: Yeah, we put the whole thing together.

LIAM: Put the whole thing?

TALIESIN: The whole thing put together.

MATT: Phrasing.

LIAM: Sure, yeah.

MARISHA: Man, you’re going for it.

(all laugh)

MATT: You hear, as you guys are finishing up, you hear a knock at the door.

TRAVIS: Cleaning up your–

LAURA: Hello?

TALIESIN: Yes! Come in.

LAURA: Is it filled with smoke in here?

MARISHA: (laughs)

LAURA: Oh, hi Tary. I didn’t see you.

SAM: We were welding.

LAURA: Fun! Exciting! On a boat, even. Wow.

TALIESIN: It’s relatively safe.

LAURA: So! What’d you make?

TALIESIN: (sighs) Can I crack one?

SAM: Let’s do it.

TALIESIN: All right.

SAM: Oh wait, we’re using one?

TALIESIN: We’re using one.

SAM: All right, sure. Why not? It’s 1000 gold, but okay, sure.

(all laugh)

TALIESIN: It’s his father’s money.

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: (crack, dink) As he flicks the opal, it gives off a bright equivalent of the Light spell.

LAURA: Oh.

SAM: Daylight.

MATT: Daylight! I’m sorry. This is–

LAURA: Oh, shit.

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: The power of the sun.

LAURA: That’s powerful.

MATT: Basically, there’s a sun in the room suddenly (crackle).

TALIESIN: Wait.

LAURA: Oh wow, you guys made a–

MATT: You’re literally blinded for a moment.

TALIESIN: (laughs)

MATT: Your eyes just go (crackle).

TALIESIN: We put it in the box, contain it.

SAM: Well, wait, open it just a little bit.

TALIESIN: All right.

SAM: And then I’m gonna take my Helm of Brilliance and just put one of the diamonds up to the laser beam like light coming out so it makes like a dazzling light across the–

LAURA: Wow.

MATT: It’s a beautiful prism, which you’re able to see in about 40 seconds.

(all laugh)

LAURA: It’s a lot, it’s just a lot of spots right now, but I’m sure.

TALIESIN: Sorry.

LAURA: Eventually. Oh! Pretty. Um, get out. You, not you. If you don’t mind.

SAM: I don’t at all.

LAURA: I mean, of course you can stay–

TALIESIN: Get out. It’s okay.

SAM: I have a lot of dictation to do.

TALIESIN: Out, out, out, out, out.

LAURA: (quietly) Hi.

TALIESIN: And I boot him out. Oh hi, thank god. And–

LAURA: So, Percy.

TALIESIN: Yes, dear?

LAURA: I’ve been meaning to bring something up to you.

TALIESIN: Yes?

LAURA: At the risk of bringing up Scanlan again–

TALIESIN: Oh.

LAURA: Something I’d rather ignore.

TALIESIN: Yes, me too.

LAURA: When he left, he said something that caught my ear, which was that he heard. He heard Pike and his daughter, calling to him.

TALIESIN: Yes.

LAURA: From the other side. Which is strange really, because when I was on the other side, I don’t remember hearing anything. What about you?

TALIESIN: Okay. I’m gonna sit down and open up a bottle.

LAURA: Busting out the Courage again?

TALIESIN: The Courage, I think, is long gone at this point.

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: I’m going for the Tear whiskey, fuck it Take a swing, and I pass.

LAURA: Mm.

TALIESIN: I was not in a good place, I was– what I am choosing to describe as great motivation to live a long life. There was pain and sound and I’ve tried hard not to think about creating words to articulate it, but it was the feeling of being– it was not pain without end, it felt like pain that would have an end because eventually there would be nothing left of me. I felt consumed. And yes, I heard. It was the only thing I heard.

Yes. I know you well enough to know– trying not to embarrass you, but–

LAURA: All right.

TALIESIN: – yes.

LAURA: I’m not embarrassed.

TALIESIN: Well, I would’ve, honestly– I would’ve never hoped otherwise. You’re far too wonderful for an idiot.

LAURA: (laughs)

TALIESIN: So (sighs), but I’m more hopeful. I’m not quite as fearful of whether– I’m worrying less about what may happen when I die again and if I’m going to go back there.

LAURA: Well, that’s good. I would hope he’s not waiting on the other side for you.

TALIESIN: I hope not either, and–

LAURA: What about when you were killed by Raishan?

TALIESIN: That was quick. It was fine, but it was quick, so I’m not sure if that means anything yet. I’ve overthought this quite a bit and I don’t know if you care to hear too many of my fears in this direction, but, I do think about it.

LAURA: You can always tell me your fears, Percy.

TALIESIN: Where do the people I kill go? I know you don’t have an answer, I don’t have an answer either, but–

LAURA: I don’t, I suppose it depends on them, doesn’t it?

TALIESIN: Does it? Or does it depend on me? Or does it now depend on this thing?

LAURA: You don’t think they were doomed to suffer the same fate that you were?

TALIESIN: Maybe. I don’t know, maybe I keep feeding it every time–

LAURA: Oh no.

TALIESIN: I don’t quite know how to find out, other than I had a moment where I thought about shooting someone, bringing them back and asking them.

LAURA: (gasps)

TALIESIN: There was a moment I thought about shooting someone. Well, if it comes to it, it’s something I’ve had in my back pocket as killing two birds with one stone.

LAURA: Maybe we can just try that on someone who we already need to kill.

TALIESIN: That’s my thought.

LAURA: Right.

TALIESIN: And, I worry about what all of this is doing to us, but at the same time, I have such faith in– I have such faith in you and Keyleth, and occasionally Grog, and occasionally your brother.

LAURA: (laughs) Are you listening?

TALIESIN: (laughs) But I’m starting to wonder if this is what all those heroes I read about when I was young, if this is what they felt, is just a lot of getting very comfortable with not knowing and being nervous and wondering if you’re really just the villain of someone else’s story.

LAURA: I’m sure that’s how they feel. No one’s ever sure they’re doing the right thing.

TALIESIN: But I did hear you, sorry to– I did hear you and sorry that I didn’t say.

LAURA: No, it’s all right. Takes the pressure off, really, knowing that you know.

TALIESIN: I treasure every minute, and you remind me to not be so serious.

LAURA: Yes. So serious.

TALIESIN: I’m not saying that you’re not serious but– (sighs)

LAURA: (exasperated voice) You can go play with Tary some more if you like.

TALIESIN: I’m done with Tary for the evening.

LAURA: Great! Then you can play with me!

(all laugh)

TALIESIN: And crossing the whiskey off the inventory.

MATT: Off the– yeah.

TALIESIN: (laughs)

MATT: All right, as the evening–

TRAVIS: Amazing.

MATT: – the evening comes to a close, the next day’s journey is met with a coming cloudfront, does not appear to be storm-bearing clouds but the clear skies seem to have come to an end.

MARISHA: I’m restless in all of my night’s sleep as we get closer.

MATT: Mm-hm. As the next day comes to a close, the sun setting, you hear a call from the top of the crow’s nest that shouts out, “Land ho!”

LAURA: We go running up.

MATT: You guys all catch up and you can see–

LIAM: (quietly) You got this.

MARISHA: (groans)

MATT: – just as the last bit of sunlit glow behind the clouds begins to fade into darkness, you see ahead the gentle shape of islands just breaking the horizon ahead, and one by one, little lights (click click click) coming on.

MARISHA: I rush to the bow of the ship.

MATT: As you come up to the bow of the ship, you can see at this point now, Captain Adella is starting to shout off to the side, “Keep it all high!” and is currently moving around and you see there are three guys at the front who all have lanterns out and they’re watching the water below and they’re shouting out, “Five to the right!” and they’re giving different degrees and she’s navigating through what looks to be a channel of reefs, as you glance over the edge. And you can see there are pathways here, but it looks like a lot of this water is very dangerous water and eventually you get to a point where one of them shouts, “Stop! Stop!” and they immediately throw down the sails and someone throws the anchor off the side and the ship (crunching) comes and slams to a halt as the anchor clicks and you can feel it grinding for a bit as it catches the edge of one of– it looks like a reef below, but the ship eventually stops as you glance over, there maybe 15 feet away from hitting the edge of a reef. (grinding sound) It stops and the water (whistling) slowly comes to rest as the ship comes to a rest. Looking over the edge, you can see the water maybe about 20 or so feet down with what little bit of light the lanterns have put over, you can see the very top of various reef cliffs and hints of beach shelf beginning to rise up towards this cluster of almost like still fairy lights in the distance, unmoving. Captain Adella comes up to the edge of the ship and goes, “Well, that’s about as far as we can get with this ship. My apologies.”

MARISHA: No, this is fantastic. And I run to the edge of the ship and I shoot a Daylight into the spell and throw a Create Water and make a rainbow over top of us.

MATT: Wow.

MARISHA: (tch boom) Ooh.

MATT: So with that (pffff) the spray of vapor in the air of the night sky, the darkness ahead of you that was currently– the clouds obscuring any sort of starlight, suddenly is showered with a spray of vibrant colors across the entire spectrum, as the vapor slowly cascades around each side of the ship. As it does, a few moments pass and you watch more lights spark open in the distance (puff puff puff puff puff) whatever the source is, you begin to get a clearer view and there you can just barely begin to see the edges of what appear to be a very, very faint outline of a number of buildings all springing up from the water itself.

TRAVIS: (quietly) Oh shit.

MATT: The city is not on one of the islands, the city is in the center of them, there’s a triangulation of these land masses and the city itself resides between all three.

SAM: (quietly) Wow.

MATT: Some of the guys in the front of the ship start taking small rowing boats and taking them up and latching them in and setting them off the side into the more shallow waters below.

MARISHA: I run past all of them and just jump into the water, not gracefully like before and start swimming.

MATT: Make a perception check.

(all groan)

LAURA: Oh no.

MARISHA: Perception check?

MATT: Yes.

LAURA: We’re at a reef!

LIAM: Don’t face-plant on a reef!

MARISHA: Fine. Ooh!

TALIESIN: There is now!

LIAM: I’m on a reef.

MARISHA: Oh that’s just a dexterity check?

MATT: No, perception.

SAM: Perception.

MARISHA: Oh, perception. 28.

MATT: You run to the edge and right as you’re about to leap, you look and realize there’s relatively shallow reef in the direction you’re about to leap, so you kinda turn and (laughs) go at an angle instead and (plop) into the water below.

MARISHA: (nervous sounds)

MATT: A second, almost a second after you, the ship (cracks) hits the water below and they start throwing down the rope ladder and you guys are allowed to then step into the rowboat.

LAURA: Broom.

TALIESIN: Carpet?

MATT: You have the broom. Or carpet if you like?

MARISHA: I just start–

TALIESIN: I’m gonna get on the carpet and offer it to anybody who likes.

MARISHA: Using my cantrips–

TRAVIS: Well, I need the boat 'cause I’m heavy.

TALIESIN: What about the boat?

SAM: I want to be on the flying carpet, 'cause that’s amazing.

LAURA: Trinket will get in a boat with Grog.

LIAM: What are you doing?

LAURA: No! Trinket’s gonna be in my necklace.

MATT: All right. Trinket goes in the necklace.

LAURA: Yeah, for a minute.

LIAM: Hopping on behind my sister.

MATT: Okay, so your sister, you guys are taking the carpet–

SAM: Yes!

MATT: – Grog, you’re going in the boat?

TRAVIS: I got my own rowboat.

MATT: (laughs)

TALIESIN: With a robot. Robot in the–

SAM: Oh yeah! The robot is–

TRAVIS: No. Dottie is not coming with me.

TALIESIN: Dottie is coming with you.

SAM: Well, he can come on the–

LAURA: No, he can’t. It’s too heavy. It’s too heavy for the carpet.

TALIESIN: Doty cannot come on the carpet.

MATT: It’s too heavy to go on the carpet.

SAM: I have to stay behind with Doty.

TALIESIN: Yeah well, have fun.

TRAVIS: Yep, see you later.

LAURA: Get him on a boat. Get on a boat, Tary.

SAM: Is there another rowboat for us?

MATT: They have other rowboats on the side, you can request another one.

SAM: I would like to request another rowboat for Doty.

MARISHA: (laughing) A boat for Doty.

MATT: Okay, so as you guys begin making your way, roughly five minutes behind you, as you all are kinda moving forward together via carpet, flight, and her swimming, and Grog strongly pushing his way through, Tary’s just impatiently waiting for them to get the other boat off the side of the ship and they’re slowly lowering it down, kind of the ropes having to adjust as it goes and you're like (groans).

(all laugh)

TRAVIS: I see adventure over this way! Too bad you won’t be there to see it!

SAM: I’m missing it, hurry up!

(all laugh)

MATT: As you guys begin to approach, Keyleth, your feet eventually hit sand as opposed to treading water, and as you begin to walk up, the water comes past your waist, down to eventually your knees, and that is about as low as it goes.

MARISHA: As far as it goes, yeah.

MATT: And looking out above you, you can see this beautiful lagoon that is completely submerged in about a foot, foot and a half of water for a good mile in all directions. And you can see dozens and dozens of these Grecian looking white and green marble structures that rise up out of the water. You can see a series of poles that stand up holding these lanterns that have all been magically set alight to give the city a sort of a glow. You see shapes moving, you see figures shifting out of these buildings and making their way in your direction, and as you’re looking at this space in front of you and you guys begin to kind of meet up, you watch as a figure (whoosh) out of the water next to Keyleth. You glance to your left and look down and you see what appears to be a child, maybe about 13 years old, human-like, though his ears come to a bit of a finned appearance. You can see what looks to be gill slits to the side of the neck, and he looks up at you with kind of a tattered, long-stiffened piece of cloth tunic and shorts that end at the knee,and he kinda looks up at you and just kinda smiles with these very, very bright, orange-ish yellow eyes, “Hi.”

MARISHA: Kaitiaki. And I drop to my knees and drop down and–

MATT: (sploosh) You go face-down into the water.

MARISHA: Gah! (heavy breathing)

MATT: Get up and (groans) push the water– the hair back a bit.

MARISHA: And bow again.

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: Okay. “Um… what are you doing?”

MARISHA: Sorry, are you the leader– are you the headmaster?

MATT: “Yes. Yes, I am.”

MARISHA: Oh! Hi. Uh, Keyleth.

MATT: “Keyleth. ” And he reaches out and grabs your hand. “Yulan.”

MARISHA: Yulan!

MATT: “Leader of the Water Ashari.”

SAM: (laughs)

MARISHA: I am Keyleth, daughter of Vilya and Korren of the Air Ashari, and I am here to complete my Aramente. And I bow again, under the water.

MATT: (splash) Into the water again.

MARISHA: (gasps)

MATT: He shakes his head, you can see now he has these tossed medium-length dreadlocks that shake with his head as he turns side to side, (laughs) He looks up at the rest of you, “So! She yours?”

LAURA: Mm. Mm-hm.

TALIESIN: More or less.

MATT: “You bad people?”

LAURA: Uh-uh.

TALIESIN: Nah.

TRAVIS: Not today.

SAM: We’re just rowing up. What’d I miss?! Start over, start over! (pants)

MATT: “Is he a bad person?”

LAURA: Nah.

LIAM: Nah. He’s all right.

TALIESIN: He’s workable.

MATT: “Okay. Well, come with me.” And he reaches out and taps you on the shoulder, Keyleth.

MARISHA: (gasp) It’s just such an honor.

MATT: Come on.

LAURA: Keyleth!

MARISHA: What?

MATT: He grabs your hand and pulls you up out of the water, and starts running in towards the city, holding you behind him. Just kinda tugging you by the hand.

LAURA: Oh, he has legs?

MATT: He does have legs.

LAURA: Man!

TALIESIN: And he does know how to use them.

TRAVIS: Keyleth!

SAM: (laughs)

MATT: Splash, splash, splash splash splash splash…

TRAVIS: Be cooler.

MARISHA: Cooler. Cooler. (blows) And I let a little frost go from my breath.

MATT: (blows) Okay. Splash, splash, splash splash splash splash splash. He’s just running through the water. You can see a number of people have now stepped out of the buildings as you guys approach. And each one of them– all of their clothing ends at the knee. You can see that this entire society walks through and lives partially submerged. There is an ever-present water element to their day to day life.

LAURA: They must have the pruniest feet!

MARISHA: – feet.

MATT: (laughs)

MARISHA: I know, right?

LIAM and MATT: (laughs)

TRAVIS: That was amazing. I would live there in a second!

TALIESIN: How did that happen just now? How did you just go there?

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: The sand is soft and still strangely warm beneath your feet, though the night has come. And even through the distant sparkles of light everywhere, this city– a lot of the buildings seem hollow and open, like what walls that there are, there’s large windows. It seems like everything has this very kind of open-air, free lifestyle to it. And as you begin to approach–

MARISHA: As he’s dragging me, I just start, like, rambling all the questions at once. I’m like, Aren’t– This is such a gorgeous city you have. Are you freshwater or saltwater? Do you have webbed feet? Does everyone have webbed feet? How many people can control water? Wow, look at that. Look at those. Is this fire that you use? Or is it all arcane?

MATT: He’s not answering any of your questions, and you hear a voice shout out: “Yulan!”

MARISHA: (gasps)

MATT: And the boy kinda stops and drops your hand and backs away with his hands kinda crossed behind his back, and he steps away, bowing his head a little bit and (splashing noise) away. The crowd– and you can now see, all these different people, most of them appear to be human, elven, there are a handful of dwarves, a couple halflings, it’s a spread of races here. You see two half-orcs that have these large tridents off to the side, and they’re guarded but they’re all deciding whether or not this is a welcoming circumstance, or a careful parlay. The voice that rang out, the crowd parts a little bit, and you watch as the water around you guys begins to spiral into these columns. Each one appears to be similar to the entity you saw rise onto the ship. A series of water elementals begin to rise out of the water, as some of the individuals in the crowd pull their hands together, and then you see four of them rise and begin to circle. Not closing in, but just keeping very close vigil around. And you realize at this point that, while the city is welcoming, they are also a carefully guarded people. The crowd parts, and you see stepping out, with the tiniest of splashes, a very tiny woman. Old, shriveled, most of her hair is gone and these thin wisps of white and gray, a wide oval-like head, the skin itself an olive yellow tint. Very wrinkled and pruny, the eyes are almost these tiny little black beads. Gnome, very old, with a long staff that’s twice her height that just kinda with each step (squishing splash) kinda like a weird female Water Ashari Yoda. And just kinda steps forward through the water–

MARISHA: Rad!

MATT: “Yulan, you are not to greet our guests! Now, you. What is your name?”

MARISHA: Hi. (clears throat) Kaitiaki, I am Keyleth, daughter of Vilya and Korren of the Air Ashari, and I am here to complete my Aramente. I am–

MATT: “Kaitiaki.”

MARISHA: Kaitiaki. I am honored to be in your presence.

MATT: “I am Uvenda, Heart of the Tides here. I had my own Aramente, long ago. And I knew your mother who came for her Aramente, as well.”

MARISHA: You knew my mother?

MATT: “She came here for her own Aramente. And now you come to complete what she could not. So–”

MARISHA: I’m– I’m–

MATT: “– you are welcome, Keyleth of the Zephra.”

MARISHA: I’m sorry. I’m– sorry, that just means she visited the Earth, and the Fire, and the Water Ashari. She completed her Aramente.

MATT: “She did not, child.”

MARISHA: What hap– She– I– Everywhere I’ve been, she’s been. Why not?

MATT: “Come. Come. We shall speak, there is much to discuss, and it is growing cold out here, and you could probably all use a warm fire. So? See to our guests!” And the folks around go from their tense reverie and begin to approach and take, like just instinctually taking your belongings, and helping you unload. You guys (laughs) withdraw, and they back off as soon as they realize that wasn’t part of the circumstance. But you are led deeper into this city, and there is a central temple that has multi-layers. Three floors with a number of spiral staircases on the outside of the structure that lead to it. Each floor is still very open and you get the sense that this whole city is built around the flow of ocean air and sea spray. And there is almost like a constant breeze that just blows through. And a lot of the buildings are rounded at the edges. The heavy waves and water that just come through here has– you can see rounded and brought curvature to all the structures for as long as the city’s been around. There are elements of shell-type shapes, there are bits of ocean inspiration to the architecture, it’s a very interesting, alien, and beautiful place compared to where you’ve been before. You’re led into this temple structure in the center of this city, you’re brought to a series of what look almost like tree stumps, but they’re made of a bright, bleached white, almost spongy material. And as you sit on them, food is brought to you, fish, fresh cooked platters. You guys are now being treated like honored guests, as you arrive. As you sit down, Keyleth, Uvenda, has a servant bring a much taller sponged stool than the ones you guys have, and it’s set in front of you, and she uses her staff and (grunts) pole-vaults on top of it, and sits, crosses her legs, and sets the staff off to somebody and kinda leans down with her hands in front, her chin resting on them, her little beady gnomish eyes looking down at you. “So, Keyleth, the Aramente is not easy.”

MARISHA: I know.

MATT: “Do you know what this leg of your journey entails?”

MARISHA: I mean, I’ve made it this far. In my heart, I feel like I’m almost complete, but I feel like you’re about to tell me something different.

MATT: “You are near the completion of the Aramente, this is true, and through this, you will learn the strength of utilizing your own capabilities and those of your trusted allies. You will learn various ways of looking at the difficulties and challenges that are before you. And there are lessons as part of this, so listen carefully. For the final leg of your Aramente, we will wait 'til the morning sun comes to these waters, you and your compatriots will be brought down below the waves, below this city, to the Aerie of Torrent, where the Vesrah rift resides to the Water Elemental Plane. The Aerie is where we implant the lodestones that keep the village from sinking, and the rift size contained. The lodestones, unfortunately, do wane in power over time, so we must occasionally cross into the rift, and have our fastest Waverunners recover replacements within the Elemental Plane. The source of the lodestones, in which we have built and maintained this city. But the once-challenging path to these lodestones has now become deadly for all but our swiftest.”

MARISHA: Why?

MATT: “We would find these stones sparsely scattered throughout the plane, just beyond the rift, leaving us uncertain of their origin for as long as we’ve been here. For generations, they would just fall and sink to the bottom, or we’d scavenge them from the silt and sand below. However, this last generation of Waverunners have discovered them to be a product. Natural waste of a particular creature that resides within the boundless oceans of the plane. An ancient beast, once guided upon creation by the Titans that claimed this world their own before the gods came and gave light to our souls.”

MARISHA: What’s it called?

MATT: “They are known in many languages, by many names, but the common tongue knows to them as the krakens.”

LAURA: (yells)

MARISHA: (yells)

SAM: (scared panting)

TRAVIS: (excited hyperventilation)

MATT: “Humongous, tentacled beasts, long free of their servitude from their creators. One of these such krakens has taken to the waters near the rift, and made it its home on the other side. And this beast appears to have been producing the lodestones that we relied on for ages. This research, and information they’ve gathered, however, garnished the attention of this terrible fiend, and was accidentally led directly to the rift where it now nests, and feeds on the other creatures naturally drawn to the energy of the tear between the worlds. We now use the lodestones and our powers not only to control the merging of the planes at the rift, but to also prevent this monstrosity from crossing over into our world and tearing our city asunder. Your task–”

MARISHA: So–

MATT: She puts a finger out to stop you. “–would be to descend into this Aerie of Torrent, enter the rift, and recover three of these lodestones, and return to us. That is all. Avoid the beast if possible, for to battle it is folly, and to kill it is to sink our city, and curse the rift, to eventually fade.”

MARISHA: So, don’t kill it?

LAURA: Do. Not. Kill. Got it.

MARISHA: Don’t kill the kraken. Right? Don’t kill the kraken?

TRAVIS: No, kill the kraken.

LAURA: (laughs)

LIAM: Get kraken.

SAM: We can reason with it.

MARISHA: Get three lodestones, bring it back, don’t kill him because he is responsible for you guys not sinking into the ocean.

LAURA: Because he makes the lodestones.

SAM: With his poop?

LIAM: Poopstones.

MARISHA: He makes the lodestones–

LAURA: Basically.

SAM: Poops lodestones.

MARISHA: – with his droppings?

MATT: “Essentially, yes.”

(all laugh)

MARISHA: All right.

MATT: “To use such base terms.”

MARISHA: All right. So he drops these lodestones at the base of the water plane.

MATT: “Yes. Often found within the vicinity of the rift, but such is the beast. Be quick, be careful, be stealthy, and return as soon as you have them.”

MARISHA: Do you have an example of these lodestones so that we know what we’re looking for?

MATT: “We will show you at the Aerie tomorrow in the morning.”

MARISHA: All right. So this starts in the morn– Which is exactly what you said. You totally said that, didn’t you?

MATT: “Yes. Yes, I have.”

MARISHA: All right.

LAURA: Is there something that helps those of us who don’t breathe underwater breathe underwater?

MARISHA: I can handle that.

LAURA: Yes?

MARISHA: I can handle that. So. What happened to my mother?

MATT: She swallows strongly. “Your mother was a brave woman, very much like you, now that I see you before me. Unsure of herself, and wishing to please, and not disappoint. And it’s hard to ascertain but I fear it’s perhaps that lack of confidence that may have caused her failure.”

MARISHA: Did she not make it out? Of the water plane?

MATT: “She brought her own companions, that she had found and brought with her along her path. Our guides brought her to the rift, and her companions did not survive. Your mother did not return, and we sent scouts to try and retrieve her body so she could be interred correctly, but we only found a leg.”

MARISHA: She’s still alive. That means she’s still alive.

MATT: “Hold onto that hope. Use it, and finish what she started. She lives through you at the very least. Hold that memory.”

MARISHA: I will hold on to it, but I hope you know that does not define me. I’m not her.

MATT: “Good. Then perhaps you have a chance.”

MARISHA: We’ll complete your task. Thank you.

MATT: “You’ve come far, young Keyleth. I have faith that you will rise, and become the Voice of the Tempest. For now, we rest. Eat. Sleep. For tomorrow, you face the pet of the Titans.” And that’s where we’ll leave tonight’s session.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

SAM: (scared panting)

TRAVIS: We’re gonna kill a kraken!

MARISHA, LIAM, and LAURA: No!

MARISHA: Kill a kraken!

SAM: No, don’t kill a kraken.

MARISHA: Right, we’re not gonna kill a kraken.

MATT: (laughs)

MARISHA: We are going to not kill it.

TALIESIN: We are going to irritate a kraken.

LAURA: We are going to–

TALIESIN: We are going to make it–

TRAVIS: Holy shit!

LAURA: – We’re going to steal some kraken’s poop.

TRAVIS: I have no idea what that means.

MARISHA: We’re gonna collect kraken droppings.

TRAVIS: I don’t know what a kraken is like in D&D, but I’m fucking stoked to find out.

TALIESIN: We’re gonna bring a bottle of Kraken.

MARISHA: We’re gonna bring a bottle of Kraken.

LAURA: (laughs)

MARISHA: Oh, I’m so gonna bring a bottle of Kraken next game!

MATT: Yeah!

LAURA: (excited shouting)

TALIESIN: You know what else we’re gonna do? We’re not gonna finish it.

MARISHA: We’re not gonna finish it.

MATT: (laughs)

TRAVIS: Yeah, we’re not gonna finish it.

MARISHA: That’s game, we do not finish it.

MATT: That’s kind of perfect.

LAURA: We’re gonna drink most of it.

LIAM: (chuckles)

TALIESIN: We’re gonna drink most of it, but we’re not gonna kill the kraken.

MARISHA: Except for like one-fourth of it.

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN. Don’t. 'Cause we don’t kill the kraken.

MARISHA: We let it live.

LIAM: We’re gonna give that thing some maylox.

(proot fart sound)

TALIESIN: Don’t kill the kraken.

TRAVIS: Nice job, Matt!

MATT: Nice job, you guys.

TRAVIS: Nice C!

TALIESIN: Good game. Good game.

LAURA: C!

MATT: All right. We’ll bring this up next week on Thursday for the last leg of Keyleth’s Aramente–

SAM: Hey.

MATT: – as the party might face a kraken!

LAURA: Oh my goodness!

MATT: That’ll be interesting.

LIAM: One of 17.

MATT: (laughs)

TRAVIS: Yo momma is the kraken.

MARISHA: That’s what I’m most afraid of!

LAURA: Oh my god!

MARISHA: I’ve already thought about it.

TALIESIN: Long John Silver!

TRAVIS: Wow. No, no, no, no.

MARISHA: That she’s the full Long John Silver.

TALIESIN: She’s gonna go pirate, she’s gonna have a patch and a beard–

MARISHA: And a peg leg!

TALIESIN: – and a peg leg.

MARISHA: She totally has a peg leg.

LAURA: Ew.

TALIESIN: And like a little cuttlefish instead of a instead of a parrot.

MARISHA: (gasps)

LAURA: Rad!

MARISHA: My mom’s a pirate!

LAURA: Definitely.

LIAM: (singing)

TALIESIN: (joins singing)

MARISHA: (joins singing)

SAM: That is not the key at all.

TRAVIS: Oh god, get us out of here.

TALIESIN: No.

MATT: All righty, guys.

(all laugh)

MATT: We’ll pick up next week on Thursday. (laughs) Thank you so much for watching. Thank you again, Tor Books, for sponsoring.

SAM: (incoherent background noise) Tor Books, toy boats, Tor Books.

LIAM: Tor Books.

MATT: Wyrmwood for being awesome. We’re gonna go ahead and rest. Oh, I forgot to mention. I will be on the Rollplay live anniversary game on Saturday. I’m actually flying up to Canada to go play with them in person. So–

(all cheer)

MATT: I’m gonna be jumping in for one episode of the Swan Song series.

TRAVIS: Are you gonna play?

MATT: That will be fun. Yeah! I get to play!

SAM and LIAM: In Canada?

MATT: Up in Canada, yeah.

SAM: Each d20 is actually worth 22 up there.

(all laugh)

TALIESIN: Is that where you have to roll backwards?

SAM: Yeah.

TALIESIN: You roll backwards there?

MATT: Yeah, that’s how it works.

MARISHA: And, as always, don’t forget to watch Talks Machina on Tuesday–

LAURA: On Tuesday!

MATT: With Brian.

MARISHA: With Brian Foster!

MATT: That will be fun.

MARISHA: At 7pm.

LIAM: Matt’s always talking about his campaign up in Canada, I’m not sure if it’s real or not.

(all laugh)

MARISHA: What are you talking about, guys?

MATT: It is real!

MARISHA: This is fine.

MATT: It’s real!

LAURA: Totally real.

MARISHA: This is great!

MATT: Anyway. Have a wonderful night, guys. Rest well. Laura, get up early.

LAURA: I know!

MATT: I’m sorry. Is it Thursday yet?

Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.