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Critical Role Wiki
Critical Role Wiki

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AABRIA: Hello! Welcome to Exandria Unlimited. I am your Game Master, Aabria Iyengar.

AIMEE: Adele Dazeem. (laughter)

AABRIA: Hurtful, but not inaccurate. Tonight, we conclude our two-part special. But before we get started, let's introduce our wonderful cast one last time. Starting with... It's a hat thing, we're doing a hat thing, so I'm going to start with Robbie.

ROBBIE: Let our powers combine. (laughter)

ROBBIE: My name's Robbie Daymond, and I am back tonight playing one Mr. Dorian Storm, air genasi bard, here to rock your worlds. Can't believe I just said that. Please someone go. Please.

ANJALI: Oh my gosh, so much promise, I'm so happy!

MATT: People will believe anything you say as long as you say it with confidence.

ROBBIE: Did you feel it?

AIMEE: I felt it.

AABRIA: I'm starting to sweat.

ANJALI: That was impressive.

AABRIA: I'm hot in my pits.

ANJALI: Hello, I'm Anjali Bhimani playing Fy'ra Rai, the fire genasi monk, took me a moment, I almost called her an air genasi because you were that powerful. The fire genasi monk with fire for hair and fire in her heart. How cheesy can I be?

MATT: And some other places.

ANJALI: And all other places. Yep, go, someone else, for the love of god.

ROBBIE: This side has the cheesy stingers on lock.

ANJALI: Yeah, I'm proud of that. It's got to be a genasi thing. It's a genasi thing.

AABRIA: "I feel like Critical Role's so serious."

ANJALI: Really?

MATT: What?! (laughter)

ANJALI: I was like, "Really?"

AABRIA: No. Aimee, go!

AIMEE: Hi, I'm Aimee Carrero. I'm playing Opal, the Hexblade warrior warlock. And she's here to debase everything, I guess.

ERICA: And steal some boleros.

AIMEE: And steal some boleros.

ANJALI: That's right, get that fur.

MATT: It's a way to earn experience points. Respect that. Hi, I'm Matthew Mercer. I am Dariax Zaveon, the dwarf sorcerer with a couple of neurons. And I'm excited to see where those two take him.

AIMEE: They're all firing up.

MATT: Yep. (shooting)

ERICA: And they're boogers.

MATT: Yep, now we're down to one.

AABRIA: Oh no, it's just the one left.

ERICA: Not two boogs to rub together, that boy.


ERICA: My name is Erica Lindbeck, and I am-- I was about to say, I'm voicing. I am playing the lagomore rogue, Morrighan Ferus, a bunny humanoid. (cheering)

ERICA: Let's see if we can pull this poodle off, gamers.

AABRIA: Yeah, it's poodle night. Hey, is everyone just emotionally ready? Because I'm swinging to kill characters tonight. So we're going to take a tight three seconds. Everyone come to peace with this. A deep breath. Take a deep breath at home. (deep breath)

AABRIA: Okay, that's it. So, why don't we get into tonight's episode of Exandria Unlimited: Kymal.


ALL: Ah!

Part I[]

AABRIA: Damn it. (exhales) All right, before we begin, a quick recap.


AABRIA: So, fleeing a 20,000 gold bounty on his brother Cyrus' head, Dorian fled across the sea from Marquet through Emon, and met up with his friends, the remnant Crown Keepers, in the seedy little casino town of Kymal. You all synced up, caught up a little bit, immediately got into trouble because you needed to steal a fur for reasons that are beyond me as a DM to understand. (laughs) And ran into a new, uniquely gifted and very powerful friend, Morrighan.

ERICA: Very powerful.

ROBBIE: You opened a door for sure.

AABRIA: You sure did, very effectively, and you make an excellent friend.

ERICA: I am incredibly powerful, the likes of which you have never seen.

AABRIA: Legitimately. (laughter)

AABRIA: After overhearing a bit of the Crown Keepers' money woes, you figured you might as well combine your efforts. Mor is here to clean out this casino after telling the group that she has made her way through every other casino in the city.

ERICA: I don't know about every, how many casinos are there?

AABRIA: There's six.

ERICA: Oh, then yeah. That seems reasonable.

AABRIA: Yeah. It's a normal amount of casinos for a--

ERICA: That's a regular amount.

AABRIA: Yeah. That's a good and sturdy amount. And you wiped 'em all.

AIMEE: Yeah.

ERICA: Wiped 'em clean.

AABRIA: Clean. A clean slate. But this casino is different. It is the original casino in the city. It's the most well-guarded, and by far the most prosperous.

MATT: It's not like other casinos.

AABRIA: It's a pygmy casino. (laughter)

AIMEE: I'm not like a regular girl.

AABRIA: Oh my god. I am different. I'm The Maiden's Wish. So you teamed up with this group and began your-- (metal clinking) I swear to god, I will pull this entire campaign over.

ROBBIE: Sorry, sorry, sorry, I'm notorious, I apologize. I'm all fiddling, I got fiddle fingers.

AABRIA: You began your poodle heist. Not a poodle heist.

ANJALI: It's a poodle.

AABRIA: Can we just wrap it? We've just got to start over. No, you began your heist by stealing a key to a penthouse in hopes of finding master blueprints. You did so successfully?

ERICA: Yeah.

AABRIA: It was gr-- No, it went pretty badly. You broke into the penthouse regardless, got into a big fight, and then blew up the room.

MATT: Parts of it.

ANJALI: Not the whole.

AIMEE: But that tracks.

ANJALI: We set parts on fire, we broke through the bottom of parts. It's just a variety of sections.

AABRIA: Don't forget about the big, dark, sticky morass that your warlock made.

ANJALI: And the charred bodies inside it.

AABRIA: Sweet. So, Mor, they're effective. They're not subtle.

ERICA: Yeah.

AABRIA: But they can still be useful. You got the blueprints, you've retrieved the treasures hidden under some tiles inside the penthouse, and you, specifically, discovered the most interesting secret of The Maiden's Wish, that a piece of the architecture of this place, the sky deck, a glass bottom overhanging bar that looks out over the vast mud and rocky nothingness of Kymal, shouldn't have been able to stand for the decades it's been around. That's because it's magically reinforced with a very rare, very powerful magical stone called brumestone. So, you know that the streets are full of Nameless Ones stopping everyone from leaving via conversions and threats of death and pledges of fealty. But if you play this right, you can rob the vault, get up to the sky deck, and make the craziest escape ever into the night.

ERICA: Yeah, because the Nameless Ones are on the streets, but no one said they were in the skies.

AABRIA: No one's in the skies. How does anyone even be in skies, though?

ERICA: I don't know. We're going to do it, though. We're going to figure it out.

AIMEE: We're going to be in these skies.

ERICA: We're going to be up in the sky.

AIMEE: In disguise.

ANJALI: In disguise.

AIMEE: That's what I said!

ANJALI: I get it! I just got it! Oh, sorry.

AABRIA: Incredible. That is where we find ourselves. But before we actually pick up gameplay, I want to talk about a new mechanic I want to introduce for today's poodle.

AIMEE: Okay.

AABRIA: Each of you has a coin. You can call it a Fragment of Foresight, you can call it a Heist Coin, you can call it a Poodle Pip.

MATT: Poodle Pip.

AIMEE: Poodle Pip!

AABRIA: What it's called doesn't matter. What it does is the interesting thing. Now, we all know that planning is the most interesting and easy thing to do in Dungeons & Dragons.

MATT: Every time.

AABRIA: Every time.

ANJALI: Captivating.

AABRIA: So in lieu of having, you know, a four-hour session of you planning your heist and then it not going at all like that, you're just doing your heist. You've already made your plans. As you walk through and face down the obstacles, you can play your Poodle Pip and explain to us how you already accounted for this obstacle. I've taken this from one of my favorite RPGs called Blades in the Dark. It's a very cool heist-based criminal system, and they elided a lot of the having a plan with starting in medias res, and you describe how you're prepared for this. So I want you all to feel prepared and effective, because we're about to begin, but not quite yet. You've made your way out of the penthouse. You're down, you're safe, and you're all together. So you have a little time, you need to rest, but you have rooms here and you have a plan. So how do you all spend your evening before the big heist?

ANJALI: Do we have individual rooms? Are we all together?

AABRIA: That's not on me. Are you all little bunk friends? What'd you do?

MATT: I mean, I just assume so.

ANJALI: I would assume so as well.


ERICA: Little bunk friends?


AIMEE: "Little bunk friends?"

MATT: You can be a bunk friend, too.

ERICA: I mean, I guess, yeah. Safety in numbers.

AIMEE: For safety, sure.

ANJALI: For safety's sake.

AIMEE: If anybody farts, it's over. (laughter)

MATT: It's been a rough six months in Byroden. (laughter)

ANJALI: Yeah, I definitely want to be in the same room, if only because of my overdeveloped sense of protectiveness.

AABRIA: You are all in the same room. Mor, you have other rooms here. You are one of the favored bartenders, so they allow you to keep a room here instead of having you stay somewhere else in the city.

ERICA: I think Morrighan would probably stay in the room, but in the corner.


ERICA: Just, yeah. She doesn't hang out with people very much. So she, you know. This is all very new for her. She's usually, every hit she's done has been by herself and very stealthy, so she's just flabbergasted at what happened, and she realized what would've happened if... It's Fiera?

ANJALI: Fy'ra.

ERICA: Fy'ra had not been there, right? When her plan to steal the key went so horribly awry so horribly quickly. Yeah, and how she tried to do it on her own immediately, just, I can figure this out, and this is going to be a lot more complicated than she thought it was going to be, so. She's, interesting feelings about that.

ERICA: So Mor, as you're sitting and reflecting on that, watching this group interact with each other in this very boisterous way that's tonally different than everything you've experienced while you've been in Tal'Dorei, can you give me a perception check? Or investigation, whichever's stronger, for the intel that you would've gathered on your way back to the room.

ERICA: Cool. 19.

AABRIA: Oh, hell yeah.

ERICA: 23.

AABRIA: Oh, hell yes.

ERICA: I see numbers in the sky.

AABRIA: So as you were all making your way back to the room, you saw the pieces of the casino moving in that new and different way. The security was immediately heightened as people were going to reinforce and figure out what the explosion on the top floor was. A thing you would notice as a rogue and very in tune with the way criminals move in spaces when they're trying to be discreet, is that you see now that you've run into little bits of the brass from some of the mob families that own these casinos, some high-level thieves' guild members from The Myriad and The Clasp. They've been hanging in the shadows. But now you see them moving around the main casino spaces. They're huddling up. People who are incredibly oppositional up to a day or so ago are now in these deep and furtive talks publicly. They seem nervous and concerned. With a 23, I think you can glean that the assumption here is that whatever happened upstairs was the Nameless Ones' doing, and that they've finally breached the casino, and this last bastion of safety in the city is gone. Now you see a bunch of wartime criminals getting ready for the big one.

ERICA: Interesting.

MATT: While your eyes are intensely focused on the realizations that are continuously, wave after wave, hitting your conscious mind, Dariax comes over and plops next to you. Hey, you look like you're lost. How you doing?

ERICA: Oh, I'm good. I'm fine.

MATT: Great, yeah. So we all did some crime, that was pretty crazy, right?

ERICA: Those were the biggest crimes I've ever seen. (laughter)

MATT: Okay. Well, first off, you're a lot cooler than just a bartender. But you make good drinks, I will say. I'm not taking your skill away from that away.

ERICA: I've had years of experience.

MATT: In drinks and also?

ERICA: Stealing things quietly.

MATT: See?

ERICA: You know, yeah. I've only stolen, you know, gold and things from other casinos. That's kind of my whole thing. That's it.

MATT: Did a casino hurt your parents?

ERICA: Did a casino? No.

MATT: Okay, I'm just curious and don't want to pry if it's uncomfortable.

ERICA: No, no, no, no, no, it's fine. I just think that casinos are run by greedy people. Or at least in Kymal they are. I'm sure there are some ethical casinos somewhere, but definitely not in Kymal.

ROBBIE: (doubtful noise)

AIMEE: Doubt it.

ERICA: I've never left, so I don't really know anything else.

MATT: Never left? What, you've been in Kymal your whole life?

ERICA: Pretty much since I can remember. I mean, I was born in the Feywild, and then I got shoved over or thrown over, I can't really remember, but yeah. Ever since I was little, I've been here, so yeah.

ANJALI: Do you have family back in the Feywild?

ERICA: Not really. I don't really remember all that much. It's okay. Sometimes it's nice to be alone to be, you know, unencumbered.

MATT: That's true.

ERICA: Yeah.

MATT: You certainly meet some people that can be very cumberish.

ERICA: Yes. Yep, cumberish. What about you guys? Why are you here? Well, I know you need money, right?

ROBBIE: Quite badly, yes.

ANJALI: And we are here for him.

MATT: And he's here for him.

AABRIA: Cyrus tips his hat.

ERICA: So you guys are all-- You're friends, and you fight together?

AIMEE: Mm-hmm!


MATT: Pretty much.

ROBBIE: It's a good life.

ERICA: Yeah, no, that sounds fun.

MATT: Get to travel.

ROBBIE: Sounds like cooler, you know, like something you'd want.

ERICA: I mean, I don't know. I never really thought about it. I thought I'd just--

ROBBIE: Insight check.

AABRIA: Go ahead.


AABRIA: Go ahead and give me deception or persuasion. You don't have to tell me which.

ERICA: That's a dirty 20.

AABRIA: Oh yeah.

ROBBIE: Say whatever you like.

ERICA: (blows raspberry) (laughter)

ANJALI: She farted like it's over.

ROBBIE: I'll believe it for sure. (laughter)

ERICA: Sorry, I had to break the tension.

AABRIA: Cyrus is laughing very hard at the fart sound.

MATT: Dariax will remember this. (laughter)

ANJALI: It's good to travel unencumbered, of course, but it is also good to have companions. I spent many years doing the same as you, and I found myself lost until I discovered these folks.

ERICA: Really?

ANJALI: They gave me a little more of an understanding of my purpose.

AIMEE: I think we're softening her up.

AABRIA: "(gasps) Fy'ra Rai, hold on." You see that Cyrus is patting his pockets, and he reaches down and he grabs a crumpled up note and hands it to you. "There was an orange dude that told me to give it, I think to you."

ANJALI: An orange dude?

AABRIA: Yeah, little guy.

ANJALI: Little guy?



AABRIA: I'm... tall. Everyone's little to me.

ANJALI: That little urchin. What does it say?

AABRIA: This is a note that, at the top of it, says Jinoir. So he wanted you to know who--

AIMEE: It's his stationary.

ANJALI: The letterhead.

AABRIA: It's like when you do your homework, yeah.

ANJALI: It's his letterhead. Does it have the date on it in the corner?

AABRIA: Hundred percent.

ANJALI: Dear Ms. Fire Lady.

AIMEE: Block letter.

AABRIA: Hundred percent in very good cursive. It says, "Meet me in the spa in two hours," and then at the bottom it also says, "Jinoir." (laughter)

MATT: Thorough.

AIMEE: Fy'ra Rai, do you have a date?

ANJALI: She gets flustered and she doesn't even know how to respond to that. It is from the child.


ANJALI: Jinoir Jinoir wants to meet us.

AIMEE: Jinoir Jinoir (laughs).

ANJALI: He wrote it twice. I assume that's his name.

AIMEE: Yeah, I think he didn't maybe want you to think that it wasn't him.

MATT: So he used both of his names.

AIMEE: Yeah.

MATT: Yeah.

AIMEE: We're smart.

ANJALI: Either way, he wants me to meet him in the spa, but-- Hmm.

ROBBIE: How can you trust him? He's a nice kid, but a little thief, right? From what you told us.

AIMEE: He stole my Pearl of Power.

ANJALI: In fairness--

ROBBIE: Well...

ERICA: Hey, listen, I mean, I'm a thief and you trust me.

MATT: Yeah.

ROBBIE: Completely.

MATT: I grew up doing the same shit.

ERICA: I don't know exactly if you trust me. I mean, you trust me enough to be in a room with me.

MATT: I trust you.

ERICA: Oh, oh, thank you.

MATT: I don't know about them, but I trust you.

ROBBIE: We're also pretty sure we can take you, too.

ERICA: Yeah, based on past performance, you probably can.

ANJALI: You are also not a child. A child can be whimsical.

ERICA: That's true.

ANJALI: And affected more.

ERICA: I know a lot of the orphans around here. I mean, I am one. I was one. I guess I technically still am one, but they're very street smart and sometimes in a good way. Not necessarily in a deceiving way.

ANJALI: He did seem sweet, if you can seem sweet when you are stealing someone's jewelry. When did it say to meet him in the spa? Just said, meet him in the spa?

AABRIA: Two hours.

ANJALI: In two hours.

ROBBIE: An orphan, you said?

AABRIA: Cyrus did not tell you when he got that note.

ANJALI: Oh god.

AIMEE: Oh, for fuck's sake.

ANJALI: When did you get this note?

AABRIA: He looks down and his watch is fully gone.

ANJALI: He has a watch? (laughter)

ANJALI: How rich are you?

ROBBIE: It's just a sun dial right?

AABRIA: He has a sun dial. It's weird. You have to walk outside.

AIMEE: You could've sold your watch, man.

AABRIA: There's clockwork.

MATT: Yeah.

ROBBIE: Sure, sure, okay.

ANJALI: Oh, no, no, no, absolutely. You are very rich indeed.

AABRIA: "I had a watch. I think one of those kids took it."

ANJALI: He might have. I will ask. How long ago can you guess? Hour, two hours, yesterday, what?

AABRIA: "You're very intense to look at, so I'm going to answer by looking at you. I think it was maybe, oh, it's bad in both directions. Maybe, yeah, maybe an hour ago."

AIMEE: An hour ago.

ANJALI: All right. By the way, she has completely dropped any of the disguise that she was before, so hair is fully aflame so I can completely understand why he's a little scared. What are you doing?

ROBBIE: I was talking with my brother.

AABRIA: "Nothing, yeah."

ROBBIE: Sorry, go ahead. Let's go meet him.

ANJALI: Well, he did say to meet him alone, I'm assuming.

ROBBIE: You should go meet him.

AABRIA: The note didn't say alone.

ANJALI: He did not say. It just said meet me?

AABRIA: It was just meet me in the spa.

ANJALI: Right, we'll definitely want to meet him. Perhaps he has more information about the Nameless Ones. After all, I know that the three of you may have made a name for yourselves in Emon, but I did not. Unless, well, and the ones that we recently met have been dispatched, so there is no one to report back that I have been with you.

MATT: That's true. Can I have my cloak back?

ANJALI: You absolutely can.

MATT: Thank you.

ERICA: Well, I know where the spa is. I could take us there. Yeah? Unless someone should stay here, stay guard. I don't know.

ANJALI: It's a room.

ROBBIE: There are worst places to kill some time than a spa.

AABRIA: "Do you want me to-- I can stay and watch the room."

ROBBIE: I think--

ANJALI: I don't think he should be alone.

AABRIA: "I'm fine. Look, I love a spa day, but if you want someone to watch your stuff."

ERICA: Oh, no, I mean, I have everything I need on me. I thought that was something that maybe you said. I don't know. I've never been with a group before. I thought maybe someone stays back. I don't know. It's usually just me.

AABRIA: "My one time going with it, it went so badly. I got framed for a whole crime and there's a bounty on my head."

ERICA: Well, then maybe you should come.

AABRIA: "Thank you."

ERICA: Yeah.

AIMEE: Where's the blueprint? Who has it?

AABRIA: Mor has it.

AIMEE: Oh, you have it.

ERICA: I have it. It's--

AIMEE: Up my ass. (laughter)

ANJALI: Please tell me you did not...

ERICA: No, it's just in my--

AIMEE: It's the only safe place. (laughter)

ROBBIE: Her bunny pouch.

ERICA: It's in-- (laughter)

AABRIA: Are you a marsupial? (laughter)

ERICA: It's in my side bag.

AIMEE: Oh, that's what they call it.

ANJALI: A side bag.

ERICA: It's in my side bag. I have it.

ANJALI: Did you notice anything remarkable or anything that would perhaps make this poodle a little bit easier?

ERICA: Well, as we were leaving the penthouse, I did see that the sky deck is... It's held up by something called brumestone. Do you know what that is?

MATT: Like a broom?

ERICA: You know, I would think that, too, if I had just heard it.

ANJALI: Brumestone is--

AABRIA: Go ahead and give me a history check.

ANJALI: -- from the-- Okay, I was going to say

AABRIA: Yeah, history check, I'll give you advantage on this.

ANJALI: I know brimstone would definitely be something that she would know about, but I don't know about brumestone.

ERICA: It's held up by fire and brimstone.

ANJALI: What, arcana you said? History.

AABRIA: History.

ANJALI: Okay that's an 18 or, no, that's an 18.

AABRIA: Yeah, with an 18, you've heard of brumestone. You know it's blue. Anyone that's ever seen an airship in flight, you just got off of one, there were three giant glowing blue stones in an array on it that allow it, after a very simple enchantment, to hover and fly. It's incredibly rare and tightly controlled.

ERICA: It's on the blueprints. I whip the blueprints out from my side pouch-- (laughter)

ERICA: -- and I unravel them and I--

AIMEE: Totally dry.

ERICA: They're totally-- They're not wet at all.

AABRIA: The fact that you have to clarify--

ERICA: At all.

AABRIA: -- makes me feel bad inside of my body.

ERICA: I'm sorry.

ANJALI: She said body, give her a break.

AABRIA: That's not your fault.

AIMEE: On the blueprint, do we see where the vault is?

AABRIA: Ooh, I'm not even going to make you roll for it.

AIMEE: Okay.

AABRIA: So yeah, tracing back, you see that the vault is located underneath the West Run, that outdoor colosseum arena. More specifically, because you see that there's three blueprints stacked on each other in different phases, that that was a late addition to cover the installation of the vault.

AIMEE: Interesting.

AABRIA: There are points of access to get down towards the vault if you go straight through 50 feet of earth under the arena. There's also some cages and pits down there that can get you a little closer.

AIMEE: Colosseum.

AABRIA: Yeah, but there's also an access point to a corridor that gets to the vault. The easiest point in is actually a grate in the kitchens behind the Taste of Tal'Dorei buffet.

AIMEE: How close is that to the spa?

AABRIA: Other side.

AIMEE: Oh, okay.

AABRIA: Yeah. It's okay. There's lots of people around. You don't have to worry too much about it.

ERICA: Just to finish that thought before we get to the vault.

AIMEE: Yeah.

ERICA: I think that the sky deck could be our way out. Like an escape route. The sky deck is really rickety and it's held up only by the brumestone. So if we could separate it from the building, we could actually essentially make a rudimentary spaceship, a skyship.

AIMEE: Airship.

ERICA: An airship not a space ship.

ANJALI: Skyship is beautiful, too. Air, sky, tomato, tomato.

ROBBIE: What is space?

AIMEE: Oh, you know, a space ship.

ANJALI: It's in space. It's in the space.

AABRIA: Yeah, there's space everywhere.

MATT: How fast do you think we can go in this sky bar?

ERICA: I don't know. I think--

MATT: Sky deck, sky place.

ERICA: Do I know how fast a sky deck held up by brumestone?

AABRIA: Well, you know that it will float, but you are going to have to figure out a way to propel it in a direction.

ANJALI: Also, are you saying that this is a detachable sky deck? Like it's removable?

ROBBIE: I think we might have to be the detaching factor.

ERICA: Yes, exactly.

ROBBIE: Correct?


ROBBIE: I also think we have some means of propulsion among the five of us, right?

ANJALI: I mean, we have fire.

ROBBIE: We have wind.

AIMEE: You got wind. You want to--

ROBBIE: ♪ Aah ♪ Cyrus is like, "I like it."

ANJALI: You and Cyrus.

AIMEE: And we've got earth. (groaning)

MATT: Mm-hmm.

ANJALI: All right.

AIMEE: Do you still have your wings?


MATT: No, that was--

ANJALI: But he has his winged boots. I don't know that they would be powerful enough to necessarily help us with that.

ROBBIE: I doubt it.

AIMEE: Oh wait, I have, all right.

ROBBIE: We have a lot to work out.

AIMEE: I have a new thing, but yeah.

ROBBIE: We'll talk about it.

ERICA: I'm getting a little ahead of myself, but I just wanted to mention it.

ROBBIE: That's smart. I think we should go see the boy and come back and try and plan this thing out.

ANJALI: I think that's a great idea. You have proven yourself not only trustworthy but valuable. I do hope you consider not traveling alone for the rest of your life.

ERICA: Maybe I'll consider it.

ANJALI: Just a thought.

ERICA: Thank you.

ANJALI: Let's go to the spa.

AIMEE: Okay.

ERICA: I know where the spa is, right?

AABRIA: Yeah, a hundred percent. There's only a couple places.

ERICA: Follow me, I know where the spa is.

ROBBIE: As we leave, Cyrus is the last to come out, and I'm going to turn to him and I go: Uh-huh. Stay. I'm going to go boop, and I'm going to cast Invisibility on him to hide his dumbass.

ANJALI: Yay, smart.

AABRIA: "I feel like I'm getting cockblocked by my brother, and that's rude as shit."

AIMEE: Oh god.

MATT: I think booping is the best way to initiate a touch action spell.

AIMEE: Boop!

MATT: A boop action.

ERICA: Just blink out of existence.

MATT: Yeah.

ERICA: Boop.

AIMEE: Is that a bonus action?

AABRIA: You hear, but don't see a little chomp as he tries to bite your finger after you do it. "I could be anywhere now."

ROBBIE: I'm fairly certain you'll just stay in this room.

AABRIA: "You don't know."

ERICA: This is before our long rest, right?

ROBBIE: I'm shutting him in there.

MATT: We definitely haven't gotten a long rest.

ERICA: Yeah, we haven't rested.

AABRIA: Yeah, you haven't gotten your long rest yet.

MATT: A short rest we've had?

AABRIA: I will say that you've had a short rest.

ANJALI: Great, because I want my ki back.

ROBBIE: A shorty rest.

AABRIA: If you guys want to refresh and roll some hit dice but you are about to go to a spa. What's the worst that could happen?

ROBBIE: Yeah, the spa. We'll talk to the kid, have a nap. This'll be easy.

AABRIA: Yeah, it'll be great.

ROBBIE: Super easy.

MATT: Okay, so it's 1d8 plus one to spend one of your hit dice to go ahead and heal up.

AIMEE: I don't think that does anything for me, does it?

AABRIA: The only concern I do have--

MATT: If you want to, get your hit points up if you need to.

ANJALI: Oh, I missed that.

AIMEE: I can get my hit points up?

MATT: Using your hit dice, if you want to.


MATT: Which would be a d8 as a warlock. So you can spend a few of those, if you'd like.

ERICA: So a d8 plus one?

MATT: Yep, for each one of those.

ERICA: So five.

ANJALI: How many do we get?

AABRIA: You can roll up to six.

MATT: Up to your level.

ANJALI: Oh, that's nice.


AIMEE: All together?

AABRIA: I mean, roll them one at a time, and when you hit your max, you can stop.

AIMEE: Okay, okay, okay. What's math?

AABRIA: Generally speaking, the idea is hit dice take longer on long rests to come back, so they're good if you're playing in a longer. This is episode two of two, smoke them if you've got them.

ROBBIE: We're going to try and rob tomorrow right?



AABRIA: I mean, don't let me tell you what to do. If you want to do it now, that's amazing and a great idea.

ROBBIE: I'll pitch it, I'll pitch it.

MATT: I'm also using my Pearl of Power to get a 3rd-level spell slot back.


MATT: The Bloodwell Vial does give me sorcery points back on a short rest.

AABRIA: Let's go.

ANJALI: Before we leave the room. The vase, the vase, whatever we are calling it.

AABRIA: It's an urn.

ANJALI: The urn. It's fun to say "urn" in this accent.

AABRIA: (like Fy'ra) Urn, urn.

ANJALI: Urn. It's like two syllables. I'm sorry, I got distracted.

AABRIA: You see the urn floating in the air as an invisible Cyrus picks it up.

ANJALI: Oh no, no.

AABRIA: Kind of shakes it and you hear dusty powder.

ANJALI: Cyrus, no, down, down. Put it down.

AABRIA: He puts it down.

ANJALI: I feel that we should perhaps cover that with something. Anyone?

ROBBIE: Cover it? Sure.

ANJALI: Put it somewhere, hidden in the corner, behind a bed, something like that.


ANJALI: Okay, but it isn't doing, it's still just swirly red stuff inside it and a bottle stopper?

AABRIA: It wasn't even swirly. It's just full of ashes.


ANJALI: It is an ash urn? It is a dead body?

AABRIA: There's a person in there.

ANJALI: I thought it was a completely different thing. Okay, that's wonderful. Shall we?

AIMEE: I'm going to change my outfit.

ANJALI: Of course.

AIMEE: I'm going to do a terrycloth little robe.

AABRIA: (laughs)

AIMEE: Did they have terrycloth back then? Who knows.

AABRIA: You know what? Yes.

AIMEE: With the Maiden's Wish insignia, and the flip flops that are too big. You know what I mean, when you go to the spa? No, I just have a small foot.

AABRIA: No, I love this. You went, when you were in the penthouse, you saw the nice robes--

AIMEE: Yeah.

AABRIA: -- in Phaedrov's bathroom and you went.

AIMEE: Ready to go.

AABRIA: For me.

ERICA: It's called the Chroma Spa?

AABRIA: It's called the Chroma Dawn Cave.

MATT: -- wear to a spa?

AIMEE: Mm-hmm.

MATT: I don't think I've-- I've never actually been to one before.

AIMEE: You're supposed to wear this.

MATT: Really?

AABRIA: Oh, Spa Cave. Chroma Spa Cave.

MATT: I disguise myself into a matching robe.

AIMEE: So it's pink.

ANJALI: And now they look like honeymooners.

MATT: Oh yeah, no, I'm directly the same outfit. I don't know. I've never been to a spa before.

AIMEE: Aw, Dariax, cutie pie.

ROBBIE: Is it on the premises, or are we going through town?

AABRIA: You're going down, yeah. You don't have to walk across the main casino floor. You just get downstairs and to the side.

ROBBIE: I've been to those casinos. It's bad.


ROBBIE: Wet footprints.

ANJALI: One thing I am concerned with is this young man does not have an alliance specifically with one group or another, which means we don't know if there maybe more than he waiting for us.

ROBBIE: Oh, you think this is a setup?

ANJALI: I don't know what it is.

MATT: Give us the signal, we'll take him out.

AIMEE: Yeah, maybe you go first.

ROBBIE: Trust us. You're always so suspicious. Let's just go to the spa.

AIMEE: Just try it out.

ROBBIE: It'll be fine.

ANJALI: Do I look like someone who gets her hair done often?

ROBBIE: That's a good point.

ANJALI: But okay. Let's go.


ERICA: Mor leads the way to the spa.

AABRIA: She's leading you across, but it becomes very apparent where this place is as the architecture of the casino switches to this big, blasted, cave-like area, until you're walking into the cheesy version of a dragon's lair.

ROBBIE: Oh, the grotto.


AIMEE: It's nice and muggy and damp in there, baby.

AABRIA: There's a desk in front of you in five colors, red, black, white, blue, and green. There's a lanky, young-looking half-giant who's like, (warbly) "Hello, and welcome to the Chroma Dawn Cave, where each treatment is more devastatingly relaxing than the last. (audible swallow-exhale) My name is Tovar, if you need anything. Can I walk you through our Chroma Crisis of options? Let's begin!" (laughter)

ERICA: I would say that Mor goes: I've got it, I've got it. And cuts him off and they walk in.

AABRIA: "Wait, hold on. What room are you going to go in? There's five of them."

ERICA: One of them. Do I know what rooms there are?

AABRIA: Have you been in the spa before?

ERICA: I would say I have.

AABRIA: Okay, then yeah, you know.

ERICA: What's the name of a room?

AABRIA: Okay. I was going to do a whole thing about it.

ERICA: Oh never mind, never mind, no! No, no, no, no, god no!

AIMEE: I want to hear it.

ERICA: We want to hear the rooms. I want to hear, I got caught, I got caught. I stop and go: What are the rooms?

AABRIA: You go in decisively, and as you go, Tovar's hands shoot out to stop the rest of you, like, "Can I do my spiel?"

AIMEE: Please.

AABRIA: "No one ever comes in here."

AIMEE: Oh, really?

AABRIA: "Yeah, oh, everyone's so stressed out, but none of them come in here."

MATT: That's weird.

AABRIA: "Yeah."

MATT: It looks amazing.

AABRIA: "Thank you. The first one is Brimscythe, The Iron Storm, and it's a pressure point bed. You lay on it and you get pushed, and it's good if you have tension. There's a breath weapon facial that goes with it, it's a skin-firming mud mask."

MATT: Do they actually breathe it on you?

AABRIA: "No, they have like a little-- It's a pump and it sprays on your head. Yeah. Next up! Raishan, The Diseased D-D-Deceiver. That's--"

ROBBIE: Diseased?

AABRIA: "Yeah, that's what they called her."

ROBBIE: You have a room in this spa called The Diseased Deceiver?

AABRIA: It's named after the dragon.

ROBBIE: Normally, Dorian would be mad into this, and as he hears that, he wraps this.

AABRIA: "No, it's really good, it's a detox."

ROBBIE: He closes himself off.

AABRIA: "No, hold up." Tovar is so worried, and you see him begin to sweat now. He's like, "Oh, no, no, it's great."

AIMEE: No ringworm for Dorian.

AABRIA: "It's actually an ivy and locally-sourced, plant-based detoxifying wrap. All the plants are sourced from the Ivyheart Thicket just outside of town. It's good."

ROBBIE: It sounds lovely.

AABRIA: "Okay."

ROBBIE: Go on. I'm sorry.

AABRIA: "There's a facial, it's a hydration mask."

ROBBIE: That sounds nice. Why are you stopping? It sounds nice.

AABRIA: "I don't know, I never get to do the whole-- And she just walked away."

ERICA: I'm sorry, I am not with people often.

AABRIA: "It's okay."

ERICA: It's okay, I'm sorry.

AABRIA: "No, I'm sorry."

ERICA: Please, tell us. No no.

AABRIA: "I feel like I'm hogging the spotlight right now, and I apologize."

AIMEE: You deserve it.

ERICA: Yeah.

AABRIA: "Thank you."

MATT: We are so invested right now.

ANJALI: As this is all happening I'm scanning, and trying to see if I see my boy.

AABRIA: There's five doors behind him, but you can't see into any of them.

ANJALI: Gotcha, and do I see my little friend anywhere?

AABRIA: You don't, because he's probably behind one of the doors.


AABRIA: "The next one," and he points at the white door by behind him, is Vorugal, The Frigid Doom. It's a cold dip pool."

AIMEE: Doom.

ANJALI: It sounds awful.

AABRIA: "Yeah, Frigid Doom, he breathes cold, so this one's a cold pool. There's a dragonborn on staff that we keep, and he makes the hot pool hot and the cold pool cold. That's his whole job. So there's a cold pool, and then there's a cold mask. I feel like I'm getting really nervous, and I feel like no one wants to do any--"

MATT: You're doing great.

AIMEE: We want to do all of it, we just want to figure out which one first.

AABRIA: "Oh, thank you."

ERICA: Question, does the dragonborn sit in the pool with you?

AABRIA: "No, no, the pools are elevated, and he's just under it. He goes back and forth and he casts magic to make the temperatures."

ROBBIE: There's a little man under the pool that makes it warm?

AABRIA: "He's not little, he's like 6'6". He's little for me."

ROBBIE: That image is worse, it's worse for me, it's worse.

AABRIA: "Okay."

ERICA: So there's a big man?

AABRIA: "There's a big man."

ERICA: Under the pool. (laughs)

AABRIA: "He walks back and forth and he casts magic."

ROBBIE: Wow, what's that last room look like?

AIMEE: Yeah.

ROBBIE: I'm so excited.

AABRIA: "There's two more!"

ROBBIE: Oh shit.

AABRIA: "Umbrasyl, The Hope Devourer!" (laughter)

AABRIA: "A black dragon. This is a cool full body, not devourer, massage. It's administered by--" Then he goes and runs over and knocks on the door, and you see this massive old, scarred-looking full orc comes out.

AIMEE: Shit.

AABRIA: He's wearing this jerkin that looks very awkward. Awkwardly like it's supposed to represent dragon scale, and a little hat that looks like a little dragon hat, and he just waves. "Hi."


AABRIA: Then he goes back behind the door, because he doesn't want to stay here. "Then the breath weapon facial is an exfoliating acid mask."

AIMEE: Oh, I'd like that.

AABRIA: "Because that's the kind of dragon. The last one is Thordak, The Cinder King. As you can imagine, it's a hot stone massage--"

AIMEE: Goddamn it.

AABRIA: "-- and just a hot pool. Yeah. The facial is just a hot oil mask. I use it because I have really bad cystic acne."

AIMEE: That's perfect for cystic acne.

ANJALI: Exactly. More oil.

AIMEE: Just hot oil.

ANJALI: It's fantastic.

AIMEE: May I recommend an acid peel?

ANJALI: I would listen to her.

AABRIA: "Oh yeah?"

AIMEE: Oh yeah.

AABRIA: "I was just afraid of it, because I feel like it would be too tingly on my skin. It's so sensitive."

AIMEE: Sometimes tingling is nice.

ERICA: Yeah, I agree.

ROBBIE: How much is the treatment for each room? If we want one of us wanted to partake of the rooms.

AABRIA: "If you bundle them together with the facial, it's five silver. But each one separate is three silver."

ROBBIE: Oh, okay. Well, why don't we do the whole shebang?


AIMEE: The whole shebang.

ROBBIE: Our friends will each have one.

ERICA: I actually pull out a platinum and I put it down. Here, that should cover all of us for all five rooms, yeah?

AABRIA: "Oh my god, yeah."

ERICA: Oh, great.

AABRIA: "I can have some water brought in, too."

ERICA: No, I think we're good.

AABRIA: "Okay."

ERICA: Just make sure the big man is heating it.

AIMEE: No, no.

AABRIA: "He always does. He does such a good job."

ANJALI: Also, is it possible-- we are traveling as a family, you see, of sorts.

AABRIA: "It's beautiful."

ANJALI: We very much like to enjoy our time together even if we are in separate rooms. We realize that we may perhaps have-- How do I say overpaid without sounding like a bad person?

AIMEE: Paid?

ROBBIE: Oh. You're good to part with the platinum?

AABRIA: "You gave me way too much money."

ROBBIE: I'll tell you what, just make sure that you split it with your coworkers.

ANJALI: Exactly.

ROBBIE: The rest is--

AABRIA: "We pool tips."

ROBBIE: Great.

ERICA: We also would love not to be bothered.

ANJALI: That's what I was trying to say, but much more eloquent.

AABRIA: "Well, that's great, there's only one other person here."

ERICA: Oh, amazing. What room?

AABRIA: "He's in the cold dip room."

ERICA: Amazing.

AABRIA: "Was I supposed to say that?"

MATT: I'm going to do the hot one.

AABRIA: "Okay."


AABRIA: "I was going to say do you need a robe, but you already have one. Do you guys need robes?"

ERICA: No, I have fur, I'm fine.

ANJALI: I'm comfortable.

AIMEE: It's very comfortable.

ANJALI: I'm comfortable.

MATT: The theme-ing here is really strong, and kind of weird, because while it was before my time, my parents told me about the Conclave, and they killed a lot of people.

AABRIA: "Yeah."

MATT: It's a unique dissonance.

AABRIA: "Yeah, it's one of those things where, over time, history becomes inherently more irreverent." (laughter)

AIMEE: And hilarious.

AABRIA: "It's kind of disrespectful, but you know--"

MATT: Yeah.

MATT: Cinder King! And start running into the--

ANJALI: Yeah. (laughter)

AABRIA: Tovar just waves--

ANJALI: I think I will--

AABRIA: -- at you all to go in.

ANJALI: -- head to this cold room, which sounds so delightful. She says, as her hair flares a little bit. (laughter)

AIMEE: We're going to finally see her head. (laughter) I've always wanted to see the top of your head.


AIMEE: Oh no, no.

ANJALI: She just looked at you.

AABRIA: She said it. We're living in that now.

ANJALI: She just looks at you and moves on. I think I will go.


ROBBIE: Let's not scare him, and why don't you go in? I'll wander off into one of the rooms.


ANJALI: Yeah, keep an eye out.

AIMEE: Yeah.

ROBBIE: Yeah, sure.

ANJALI: Someone keep an eye out.

ERICA: By the way, I gave Tovar, right? A platinum, because that was the one that Dariax-- Dariax gave me two platinum when I was at the bar, so I was like, "Oh, whatever."

ANJALI: Very sweet.

ERICA: Yeah.

ANJALI: It's very, very sweet, but we do require privacy, hmm, Tovar?


AABRIA: "Yeah, okay, we're closed!"

ANJALI: Excellent.

AABRIA: As he yells out, and no one's looking in the direction.

ANJALI: I shall head to the door, okay?

AABRIA: Yeah, you go through the white door.

MATT: It's like the Casa Bonita of Kymal here, I love it so much.

ROBBIE: Putt-Putt Spa. (laughter)

ERICA: I love that there's a name with the word "diseased" in it.

MATT: Yep, really can't understand why it's not so brimming with customers.

AIMEE: Come, sit at this hot tub, it's diseased.

ERICA and ANJALI: Diseased Deceiver.

ANJALI: Diseased Deceiver.

AABRIA: "I didn't name it!"

AIMEE: You can't get pregnant in a hot tub. You could get chlamydia. (laughter)

ANJALI: Oh my god.

ROBBIE: Fantasy chlamydia.

MATT: You hear Dariax in front of him go: Wait, what? (laughter)

ANJALI: So tell me what this door looks like, what's the situation?

AABRIA: Yeah, you see this very, once again, cheesy, glittery, fake rock-looking, icy white door.


AABRIA: Pushing into it, it's more of that same cave decoration. There are arcane lights that are dark blue that lead you farther in. You feel the temperature begin to drop, and you're led to a little 15-foot radius round room with a cold tub elevated. The general understanding is you guys are a little high up, and whoever is controlling the temperature here is on a half-floor beneath and is running back and forth.

ERICA: Trapped. Chained.


ANJALI: Running between two different-- it sounds delightful.

ERICA: He never gets a break.

AABRIA: As you walk in, you see, it would be smart if he was facing the door. His back is to you and he's stretched out, hot tub. Shivering.

AIMEE: Just enjoying his bath.

ANJALI: Thank you. We're led there, so I'm assuming--

AABRIA: Oh, no, Tovar just opened the door for you and let you walk in.

ANJALI: Before I even make any sound or anything, I'm going to use the Gift to see if I sense anything shifty in the room.

AABRIA: I love it. Let's make this-- Just give me an arcana check.

ANJALI: Boo. Okay. Nope, I do no sense anything.

AABRIA: What's the number?

ANJALI: I sense zero things. Five.


ANJALI: Yeah, it's an excellent roll. These may be on timeout. (laughter)

AABRIA: A five. You never lose your access to the Gift, that's not the point. It's just there's not really anything being brought to your attention other than this very-much-a-child- shivering-in-a-cold-tub, not-smart-enough-to- watch-you-come-in, shivering-so-hard-he-can't- even-hear-you-walk-up kid. And how truly--

ANJALI: So sweet.

AABRIA: How scared of him could you be?

ANJALI: That's so dumb.

AABRIA: Give me a stealth check to see if you sneak up on him.

ANJALI: Hmm, I believe I do. Oh.

AIMEE: He's in there because he wants to be.

AABRIA: "I choose this."

AIMEE: "I love it." (laughter)

AIMEE: "The cold is good for my teenage body."

ANJALI: I was going to say, great for your circulation.

AABRIA: "Getting sore from all the stealing." (laughter)

ANJALI: Young one, it is better--

AABRIA: (yelps)

ANJALI: -- to alternate cold and heat, so I hear.

AABRIA: He turns and splashes. Give me a dex save, as he leaps away from you, across the tub.


MATT: 12d6 cold damage.

AABRIA: Yeah, you take no damage, but he absolutely catches you with a little wave.

ANJALI: As I do it, I place my hand up and a little flame, my little Reach to the Blaze comes out. It is an instinct to keep myself warm.

AABRIA: Yeah. "I figured this would be the fun one, because we're both hot people. Maybe it would be nice to feel a different temperature, but I hate it in here."

ANJALI: Yeah, it's not pleasant. Can I heat him? Can I hold that-- I hold my hand near him and warm him up a little bit.

AABRIA: He gets close. He actually makes physical contact, his tricep comes up to your arm.

ANJALI: Don't--

AABRIA: He's like, "I'm a tiefling, and we're resistant to heat."


AABRIA: This is fine, thank you.

ANJALI: So I put my hand on his shoulder.

AABRIA: "Thanks."

ANJALI: Okay. Now--

AABRIA: "I can get out of the tub."

ANJALI: Yes, get out of the tub. Aren't you--

AABRIA: "I'm glad I paid to be in it."

MATT: Small time.

AIMEE: Yeah, just--

ANJALI: More importantly, why did you tell me to meet you here? As she goes, I'm getting him a towel.

AABRIA: "Yeah, thank you." He gets out and lets you dry him off, and he's like, "Thanks."

ANJALI: She's being all motherly and--

AABRIA: Yeah. "Thank you, thank you."

ANJALI: But in a really rough way.

AABRIA: Yeah. (laughs) He's just holding the towel. He doesn't tie it around himself. He's just holding it like a little kid coming out of the pool. "I figured this would be a safe place to talk because there's not a lot of people in here at one time. No one comes in this room because it's cold and bad to be in."

ANJALI: And awful.

AABRIA: "So it was private."

ANJALI: Excellent.

AABRIA: "Sorry, but thanks for coming. I wasn't sure if you would know it was from me, and you would trust me. But you gave me money before and I felt bad, and then I was down here while everything, there was an explosion."

ANJALI: Was there?

AABRIA: "Yeah. Are you okay? You weren't anywhere near it, right?"

ANJALI: No, we're fine, was anyone hurt?

AABRIA: "I don't know, maybe? It sounded bad and then lots of people from here and other places were running around and-- Sorry. Sorry, okay. So the explosion happened, I got scared. I ran outside, I tried to leave entirely, and I got stopped at the edge of the city by the Nameless Ones. So the thing is, I don't want to bury the lede, I'm a Nameless One now because I didn't want to die. It's okay, because I was like, 'Oh, I could 'find out information and be (whispers) 'a double agent.' So anyway, I technically work for them, and it's okay. You can't get out of the city and there's a bunch of bodies now. They're not letting people leave."

ANJALI: A bunch of bodies?

AABRIA: "Yeah, they're in all the roads and then there's ones in the woods, not by the roads. I think they're not even asking those people. But everyone they ask at the exits, they're like, 'You give your name or you give your head.' Then if you're like, 'No,' and you try to fight, then they fully kill you, they kill you all the way. They leave your body so everyone else sees it, and it's like a blockade. There's a lot of dead thieves everywhere, so I joined them is the thing. I gave them the money that you gave me because I was scared, but that's okay. Anyway, I tried really hard and I was like, 'I'll join up. That's super cool. 'I'm a valuable spy. Let me meet my new leader, and I can bow.' They didn't let me meet the leader, but I did see some of the important people. I saw three guys, and they kept using the word Litenant. Lent-- Lit--?"

ANJALI: Lieutenant?

AABRIA: "That's it. One was an old dwarf. She's an old dwarf lady. Can you say old? I don't know. She's old."

ANJALI: Is it accurate?

AABRIA: "Yeah."

ANJALI: Then you can say it.

AABRIA: "Her beard is so gray, and her name was Mulberry."

ANJALI: Mulberry?

AABRIA: "Yeah. Then there was a tall half-giant, giant, like a really big guy. He had a bunch of piercings in his face, I didn't get his name, but he was really scary looking. The reason I came back to find you was because there was one other person there that looked a lot like you. I don't know if you're secretly a Nameless One and we're on the same team, or if someone took your face and is impersonating you."

ANJALI: You mean another genasi?

AABRIA: "No, I've seen genasi before. This one looks exactly like you. But with different clothes."

ANJALI: I immediately-- I put my hand on his shoulder and I flick up to the Gift. Is it who I think it is? Is what I'm asking.

AABRIA: Okay. Arcana check.

ANJALI: It's cocked.

ROBBIE: Cocked.

AIMEE: Fa-cocked.

ANJALI: What was it?

AABRIA: Arcana.

ANJALI: Arcana. 21.

AABRIA: Your Gift--

ANJALI: Would you like me to be a little more specific?

AABRIA: No, no, no.


AABRIA: I'm trying to decide how to give this. Because you put your hand on him, and your Gift shudders before you even think the question, because you've thought this question a lot. The focus of your attention for the last year has been in your sister's direction, so the Gift knows what's coming, and almost as if you were seeing it through his eyes, you're looking at your sister.

AIMEE: (gasps) Fuck.

AABRIA: Fy'ra Kai. It goes away as quickly as it happened.

ANJALI: I immediately step two steps back, and stare at him.

AABRIA: "Sorry, I know I'm so strong and buff now from the bath that it's intimidating."

ANJALI: Was she-- How did she look? Was she under duress? Was she-- I-- Tell me--

AABRIA: "No, she was in charge and yelling at people. She yelled at me, which was fine, because you yelled at me the first time, too. So I was like, 'I think I like this.' That's okay."

ANJALI: So she was--

AABRIA: "In charge of stuff. She's a lieuten-- Say it again."

ANJALI: Lieutenant, leftenant.

AABRIA: "Lieutenant-- leftenant?"

ANJALI: It depends on where you're from, it's very strange.

AABRIA: "What's a leftenant?"

AIMEE: A French leftenant.

ANJALI: Exactly, let's go with lieutenant, shall we?

AABRIA: "Okay."

ANJALI: I am as flabbergasted as I am.

AABRIA: "Do you want to sit in the cold pool? Is that going to help? Do you want some water? I can get you some water that's not from there. I'm going to get you some water?"

ANJALI: I'm immediately melting a little bit.

AABRIA: "I'm going to get you some water."

ANJALI: Young man, I have one question to ask you.

AABRIA: "Okay."

ANJALI: Do you want to remain a Nameless One?

AABRIA: "Oh, no, I don't really care. I've been here my whole life and I figured at some point, you know, I get picked up by a squad." (laughter)

ANJALI: Right.

AABRIA: "These guys came in and the Myriad and the Clasp and some of the families, they've been fighting each other for-- it was longer, like for years! Then the Nameless Ones came in and in two days, took a whole city. So, I don't know, if you have to throw in your lot with people, why not the ones that win?"

ANJALI: Yes, that would be the wiser thing to do when you meet such people, wouldn't it? I immediately think of these guys. (laughter)

AIMEE: We win.

ANJALI: "Shall I..."

AABRIA: "Are you a Nameless One? Are we on the same team now?"

ANJALI: I am on your team, shall I say?

AABRIA: "Okay."

ANJALI: I am on the team of Jinoir, hmm?

AABRIA: "That's nice."

ANJALI: I hand him his, whatever garments he is not wearing because he's been in the pool, and I hand them to him.

AABRIA: "Do I have to--"

ANJALI: Get dressed. I will leave. Or I will turn around.

AABRIA: "Yeah, you don't have to. Not in a weird way. It's just fine."

ANJALI: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I turn, I'm turning around and--

AABRIA: "I'm going to put," he puts on his pants over like wet shorts.

ANJALI: Wet tiefling-ness.

AABRIA: Yeah. Hmm?

ANJALI: I have far too many questions, that I don't even know where to begin with. Cut to someone else.

AABRIA: Okay. We smash cut from the cold room. Where is Opal?

AIMEE: Did you go into the hot tub room?

MATT: Oh, yeah.

AIMEE: I think they're like splashing hot water at each other. (laughter)

MATT: This is fun.

AABRIA: That was nice.

MATT: (laughs) That's it. That's our scene.

AABRIA: That's it. Nailed it!

AIMEE: And cut!

ROBBIE: Equally short, we see... (laughter) You see Dorian walk out of the acid facial room and he's, something, not a bath towel. He has a hand towel around his waist.


ROBBIE: And his face is burned. (laughter)

ROBBIE: So, it's purple, because it's like red on blue and he's walking to the next room. He is like: I paid for it, I'm going to try all of the services.

AIMEE: Oh my god.

ROBBIE: Then he walks off into the next room.

AIMEE: Dorian's a Taurus for sure. (laughter)

AABRIA: Yo! I felt attacked and seen in that moment. Yes. Mor, where did you go?

ERICA: Is there a hallway that connects all these rooms or is it literally like each--

AABRIA: It's literally just, it's a five splinter hallway from that main room where Tovar was.

ERICA: Hmm. Which rooms are unoccupied now?

AABRIA: You're making your way from room to room, but you just came out of the black room. So green and blue are unattended.

ERICA: Okay, I'll go into the blue room.

AABRIA: Sweet.

ERICA: Okay, and I still have the blueprints with me, yeah?

AABRIA: Yeah, I mean, if you want them. Yeah.

ERICA: Yeah. I have them in my side pouch.

AABRIA: Yeah, sweet.

ERICA: I bring them out. They're not wet. They're not sticky. I actually just frantically like have a moment of anxiety and I rip them out again and I look over them and over them and over them, trying to memorize, like burn it into my brain where the vault is. I'm like, okay, okay, okay. I have to, yeah.

AABRIA: Nice. You actually see that there's a middle-aged, very used to be pretty, but it is probably like a century out from that, a elven woman.


AABRIA: That's just waiting on the side.

ERICA: Mm-hmm.

AABRIA: "You don't have to get on the bed. It's fine. Take your time. Sorry, I'm not trying to..."

ERICA: Can I not have noticed her?


ERICA: When I ran in and whipped out the blueprint?

AABRIA: For sure.

ERICA: Oh! I... (laughter)

AABRIA: "Yeah, it's fine. No, you're good. You're good. Do you want-- I can go."

ERICA: What do-- aah...

AABRIA: "I can go."

ERICA: No, no, no. I get on the bed.

AABRIA: Sweet. You see this 10 by 10 foot like bed of iron spikes. "Yeah. If you could just lay down. Lay on it."

ERICA: Is that going to hurt?

AABRIA: "Yeah." (laughter)

AIMEE: Yeah.

ERICA: All right.

AIMEE: Sports massage. (laughter)

ANJALI: Exactly, it's, well--

AABRIA: 100%

ERICA: Yeah, sure.

AABRIA: You actually see that she goes to the edge of it. Instead of making physical contact with you, she puts out a hand and you see this shimmery, blue, mage hand comes over and runs over different parts, and is massaging your shoulder by pushing your back down into-- It's like acupressure without any physical contact. She's like, "Do you want me to talk or not talk? I don't really know what to-- I'm kind of new, so."

ERICA: Oh, they let you do this on spikes and you're new?

AABRIA: "Yeah, I know how to not kill people. It's-- I just, yeah, but not everyone is-- "They're like talk or don't talk."

ERICA: You can talk. Well, what's your name?

AABRIA: "Cool. Oh. Elena."

ERICA: Elena? That's a pretty name. Does any of this hurt at all?

AABRIA: You know what, give me a...

ERICA: An ouchie check.

AABRIA: Give me a constitution save, just to see how, like--

ERICA: You take six burning damage.

AABRIA: How much mushing you can take.

ERICA: How much mushing. I'm a soft little bunny.

AABRIA: You're a soft little bunny.

ERICA: Of course I can't take mushing.

AIMEE: Oh boy.

ERICA: Ah, an eight. A strong eight.

ANJALI and AIMEE: Eight!

ANJALI: A little, tender bunny.

AIMEE: Yeah, I've been working out. Eee!

AABRIA: Yeah, she starts pushing and she starts pushing a little hard, but you notice that she watches the way your body tenses and immediately like lets up.

ERICA: You're a--

AABRIA: She's got her tongue out. She's very focused, "Sorry, sorry, sorry."

ERICA: No, no, no, you're fine. You're doing a very good job.

AABRIA: "Thank you."

ERICA: Mm, yeah.

AABRIA: "Is this working? Do you--"

ERICA: Yeah.

AABRIA: "If you don't this, you don't have to do it."

ERICA: No, I like it. It's taking my mind off of things. It's really nice.

AABRIA: "Okay."

ERICA: Yeah.

AABRIA: "All right. Deep breath in and exhale."

ERICA: (exhales)

AABRIA: She cracks your back.

ERICA: (grunts, sighs)

AABRIA: "Okay. Well, do you want the face mask, too?"

ERICA: Is it made of acid?



AABRIA: "This one's mud."

ANJALI: The oil.

AABRIA: "It's like skin firming."

ERICA: Why not? Is it okay on my furs?

AABRIA: "Oh, fur? Hold on, let me check." She stops interacting with you. The mage hand is just floating, paused over your face. She goes and consults a very thick tome that is--

ERICA: It's like I just told you I'm gluten intolerant. It's like, is it, can I?

AABRIA: She's like thumbing through and looking it up. "Hold on. Yes, it's fine."

ERICA: Great, slap it on.

AABRIA: "Okay." She comes back and then starts gently brushing. But she's trying to mush it to get your skin under the fur.

AIMEE: Oh, man.

AABRIA: The mage hand was more--

ERICA: Just slapping it around my face?

AABRIA: Yeah, just mushing a paint brush into your fur. It's not great.

ERICA: That's amazing. I just-- I think for Morrighan like Fy'ra has, she feels like Fy'ra's very competent, so she thinks she can take a moment and-- you know? But when she realizes there's someone fully in the room watching her look at these blueprints. Yeah, I can take a second.

AABRIA: That's fine. She like, didn't notice it, never brought it up. Unless you are actively speaking with her, she tends to default into silence and focus because she's still new at this and figuring it out.

ERICA: Mm-hmm.

AABRIA: But, yeah, is there anything else you want to do? That can just continue and your treatment will be done in like 10 minutes?

ERICA: Totally, yeah. Yeah, trying to listen out, you know, to see if anything's going on. But it seems pretty quiet right now, yeah?

AABRIA: I mean you could hear very, very gently, giggles.

AIMEE: (giggles)

AABRIA: And splashes.

ERICA: Oh my god, yeah.

MATT: (giggles)

ERICA: Yeah.

AIMEE: Just like, no brain cells.

MATT: Yeah, yeah. (laughter)

MATT: Cooking them off now.

ROBBIE: Thinking one's left.

MATT: Yep.

AABRIA: Amazing. (laughter)

AIMEE: Just boil them up, like...

ANJALI: Can I ask Jinoir some question? Another question, one other question?


ANJALI: As he's getting dressed, I ask him, Do you remember any of the orders that you were hearing from the three lieutenants? Particularly from the one who looks like me?

AABRIA: "Oh, um, uh, she was in charge of the people trying to leave, and she said that anyone else coming wouldn't... She said anyone else that was still in the city wouldn't be converted, that they would be too important, so they could stop asking."

ANJALI: Anyone still in the city? Don't quite understand that. Anyone still in the city would be too important, so they could stop asking?

AABRIA: "Yeah, you know, the question. The convert--"

ANJALI: Mm-hmm.

AABRIA: "Or die. I think she thinks that they got all the ones that were low level enough, because I'm a big deal, and I think I was the last good get."

ANJALI: Yeah, you were. You have great honor. Honor among thieves is a big thing, you know?

AABRIA: "Thanks. Yeah, um, the other ones, I didn't really hear what they were saying too much, but it seemed like they were gathering and getting ready to do something big."

ANJALI: But you don't, nothing else?

AABRIA: "Sorry, they didn't really tell me to do much."

ANJALI: Of course. You did not see this blue one with the, with the strange skin, you said?

AABRIA: "The what?"

ANJALI: The one you saw before? You did not see, okay. Can you continue to be our eyes and ears?

AABRIA: "Uh, yeah, since we're on the same team. Team Jinoir."

ANJALI: Team Jinoir all the way.

AABRIA: "I'll do my best, but I'm going to let you know, two gold was really nice, but I don't have it anymore. If it comes between selling you out and sparing my own life... Well, I hope it doesn't come to that, but I'll do what I can because I like you, and not a lot of people are nice to me, but, you know, it's tough times. Tough times."

ANJALI: I can solve one part of that. I give him another two gold. But if it comes to your life, save yourself. You are too valuable, hmm?

AABRIA: "Thanks. I hope you don't die," as he slides the coins into pockets that are now wet because he did not dry off his little shorts.

ANJALI: Delicious, child, well done.

AABRIA: "Yeah, okay. I'm going to go, because I-- My pants are wet."

ANJALI: Can I give him a little more heat before he goes and dry him a little bit?

AABRIA: "Maybe don't put hands near me there. I'm going to go. I need private time. I'm going to go, but thank you for trying to dry me off."

ANJALI: Off he goes. Bye, bye, bye!

AABRIA: "I'm going to go. I'm going to go, thanks.

ANJALI: Mm-hmm. I'm like, like, one minute after he goes, I'm going to come out and find... I mean, I can hear them, right?

ROBBIE: From the massage room you hear (screams). (screams) (laughter)

ANJALI: I immediately run in that direction. (laughter)

ROBBIE: (screams) When you open the door--

ANJALI: I fling the door open.

ROBBIE: It's just me and the... is it an orc?

AABRIA: He's an orc.

ROBBIE: There's an orc whose got their knee in my base of my back and my arms over my head.

AIMEE: Oh my god.

ROBBIE: It's going (screams).

ANJALI: Is that good or is that bad?

ROBBIE: I'm not sure. (laughter)

ERICA: Morrighan probably hears this here.


ERICA: And runs into the room also.

AABRIA: 100%.

MATT: I'd say--

AIMEE: We all hear it.

MATT: Hearing Dorian scream all of a sudden, Dariax is like "No!" (laughter)

ANJALI: Dripping wet, dripping wet Dariax. We're all in your room now.

AABRIA: For what it's worth, Raak-motu, the orc, has big headphones.

ANJALI: Of course he does.

AABRIA: They're like earmuffs. Because he's used to this and he is humming sort of tunelessly to himself while he's absolutely wrecking your form.

ANJALI: I immediately run to the front of his vision with my hair flaring. And I stop.

ROBBIE: (grimaces)

AABRIA: "Hmm?"

ANJALI: Let him go. Please.

AABRIA: "Oh." (laughs) He lets your arms go.

ERICA: Face plant.

AABRIA: He leaves his knee where it was, though. "I'm sorry, you good?"

ROBBIE: It's... It's great. Thank you very much for your service, but I'm going to roll off the bed, leaving my little towel behind.

AIMEE: Oh no!

ROBBIE: Just my two little blue cheeks are going to walk right back to the changing room where I left my clothes.

ERICA: You penguin waddle?

ROBBIE: Yep, I'm outta here. I'm outta here.

ERICA: Past all of us?

ROBBIE: Yeah, cheeks out.

AABRIA: "Someone? Next?"

AIMEE: Some people can't take deep tissue.

ROBBIE: (laughs)

AABRIA: "Do you?"

AIMEE: Sure.

AABRIA: "Sure, okay."

AIMEE: Do we have time for this?

ANJALI: I don't think so.


ANJALI: I'm afraid we have to cut our visit short.

MATT: (sneezes)

AIMEE: Bless you.

MATT: Pardon me.

AABRIA: Bless you.

ANJALI: Thank you for your... whatever that service was. I need to go back to the room.

AIMEE: Okay.

ERICA: Okay.

MATT: You all right?

AIMEE: Rain check.

AABRIA: "Okay."

ANJALI: Would you come with me?


MATT: Sure, yeah.

ROBBIE: I'll connect with the group after.

MATT: Yeah.

ROBBIE: Clothed.

MATT: Just going to find Blue Cheeks McGee before we head back up. (laughter)

ROBBIE: What if they weren't blue? What if they were like, just pale blue? Like a tan line?

AABRIA: Yeah! (laughter)

AIMEE: Just like a sky blue.

AABRIA: That's really good.

MATT: Like a full on, like whale tail, like thong line. Yep, right over the hip bone.

AABRIA: Canon accepted.

ROBBIE: A little bunny sticker like right here.

AIMEE: You're going to get so many smutty fucking fan art.

ANJALI: Hashtag fan art! Please!

AABRIA: Please draw it.

AIMEE: So many not safe for work.

AABRIA: You have to draw it.

AIMEE: Please draw it.

AABRIA: And tag me.

AIMEE: Please draw it, with a tan line, too. (laughter)

ANJALI: Oh my goodness. (laughter)

ROBBIE: Horrible.

AABRIA: Where do you reconvene the group?

ANJALI: I'm hustling us back to the room where I know we can speak privately.

AABRIA: Mm-hmm.

ANJALI: I don't... Our young friend was indeed in that room. I don't know how to say this but... My sister is here.

AIMEE: Your sister?

ERICA: You have a sister?

AIMEE: She's got a twin sister.

ERICA: Oh, that's fun.

ROBBIE: We all have siblings.

AIMEE: Yeah.

ANJALI: And, um--

ROBBIE: It's like a theme.

ERICA: Is that the criteria to join the group?

AIMEE: All toxic relationships.

ANJALI: I still, I think because-- I still can't quite believe it, so I just say: And the Nameless Ones... have her.

AIMEE: Prisoner?

ANJALI: Under their thrall somehow, I don't--

ERICA: Like a charm or something?

ANJALI: Perhaps? I don't know what it is. All I know is that she was with two other lieutenants, someone named Mulberry and a very large half-giant.

ROBBIE: (inhales)

ANJALI: It can't be-- You've never seen-- she's like-- her eyes are practically crossed.

ROBBIE: Other lieutenants? What do you mean other lieutenants?

ANJALI: The young one, who knows if he really saw what he saw, but he said she was a lieutenant, too.


AIMEE: So she's boss.

ANJALI: Of the Nameless Ones.

ERICA: I mean, listen, don't jump to conclusions, you know? She could have been forced in or something. I wouldn't assume the worst.

ANJALI: No, I just-- and you could like-- you see all that sisterly guilt that you guys remember, like all the old stuff that you haven't seen in a while on Fy'ra is starting to consume her. Every part of her being, like she looks the tiniest bit smaller.

AIMEE: Opal puts her hands on her shoulder, trying to be supportive.

MATT: There could be a positive out of this. If your sister became, you know, the leader over here, maybe that means it's like she took out Poska, which takes care of one of our problems. Maybe we just talk to her and we get this thing all sorted out, you know?

AIMEE: Maybe she'll be happy to see you.

MATT: Maybe it's just a big misunderstanding.

AIMEE: Yeah.

ANJALI: Yes. How goes the-- is everyone relaxed?

AIMEE: (uncertain noise)

ERICA: I feel-- I feel fine.

AABRIA: You hear mild snoring from the corner of the room.

ANJALI: Are you okay?

ROBBIE: Oh, just-- I'll be fine. (clears throat)

ANJALI: I think we should perhaps get some rest before--

ERICA: Yeah, yeah.

ANJALI: The morning, no?

ERICA: Yeah.

ANJALI: She staggers over to a bed and sits.


ANJALI: And says nothing.

MATT: All right.

AABRIA: Anything else?

ROBBIE: It's a lot to take in.



AABRIA: Eventually, you all sort of quiet down and move to separate areas. There's a couple rooms in here, but mostly you're grabbing extra blankets and finding little corners to fall asleep. About half an hour after you guys get back to the room, Cyrus reappears as invisibility wears off. He was sleeping in the corner with his elbow on the urn, guarding it as best he can. He comes out of invisibility, does not wake up. He's asleep, he's posted up and he's great. The rest of you fall into fitful sleep. Opal.


AABRIA: When you sort of wind down for the night, your dreams turn inward and you find yourself once again in that dark, liminal space that's much less scary now that you know Ted is waiting for you.

AIMEE: Yeah.

AABRIA: It's not necessarily her that's waiting for you when you get there. You feel, not across your form, but all of this is interior to you, so you're aware that skittering across the inside of your mind are countless, countless spiders. You look down at your hands and you are how you truly appear: Ichor stained, bleeding, goopy, terrifying and beautiful all at once. You hear the Spider Queen's voice in your ear. "You had a busy day, didn't you?"

AIMEE: Yeah, it was kind of fun. Where's Ted?

AABRIA: "Oh, she's here. I just wanted some alone time with you."

AIMEE: Okay.

AABRIA: "So. How do you like my gift?"

AIMEE: I have some notes.

AABRIA: "I don't take notes."

AIMEE: Oh, then why'd you ask?

AABRIA: "Because I was hoping you'd be excited to continue and further our little partnership."

AIMEE: I am. Oh, I love it. I love it so much. Just a couple little things here and there, but I'll just put it in the feedback box. It's fine. But I love it. You're doing great.

AABRIA: "Okay. Well, I think you're doing pretty good, too."

AIMEE: Thanks.

AABRIA: "But I will say, I see you through your eyes and I know where we are."

AIMEE: In a casino?

AABRIA: "In a city that is much friendlier to the sordid types that have given over to worship and devotion to me than there are ever in Emon, or Byroden, all those well-traveled, well-heeled, sad little towns that you've been trotting me around through."

AIMEE: That's a little rude.

AABRIA: "The Children of Malice reside here. They love me."

AIMEE: Okay. I feel like we need a little bit of a PR shift for you. Because I feel like you're a really good person and people--

AABRIA: "I'm not a person."

AIMEE: Okay, you're a really good being, and you've just gotten a bad rap the last few hundred years. I don't know.

AABRIA: "Go on."

AIMEE: I just feel like maybe we could rehab your image little bit, you know?

AABRIA: "I mean, I'm listening."

AIMEE: Well, instead of being so (caws) horrifying, maybe we can just clean you up a bit. We can do some nice things for people and then that'll rehab the image and then people won't run away when they hear about you or see you or stuff like that.

AABRIA: "What nice fucking thing do you think I can do to get people to stop calling me a Betrayer God?"

AIMEE: Oh, so much, so much. Well, we can start by helping poor people. We can do this poodle and we can help poor Dorian and his brother, Cyrus.

AABRIA: "Dorian."

AIMEE: They're so poor. Here's the thing, girl. They're in trouble. I really think if we hook this up for him then word will spread that the Betrayer God is now helping good hearted folks.

AABRIA: "So you're going to tell people that I helped you rob a casino?"

AIMEE: Not me, but helped... Maybe that's not a good plan. What about--

AABRIA: "Look, this is a blue sky. I know it's pitch black, but blue sky meeting. There's no bad ideas."

AIMEE: Aren't you tired of people calling you a betrayer?

AABRIA: "I mean, the 'betrayer' is suboptimal, but I like being worshiped."

AIMEE: You could be worshiped for good things or neutral things.

AABRIA: "This is going differently than I expected." (laughter)

AIMEE: Welcome to my mind! (laughter)

AABRIA: Make a persuasion check with advantage.

AIMEE: Okay. Oh shit. Fuck.

ANJALI: Girl, come on!

AABRIA: That wasn't in the thing. I'm not going to hold you to it.

AIMEE: Okay, okay, okay. Okay, with advantage, so okay, one more time. Okay, okay, plus whatever. Plus, hold on, hold on. 17. That's not the worst.

AABRIA: 17's not bad. Everything goes quiet--

AIMEE: It's a 16.

MATT: It's a 16 and your plus four.

AIMEE: Oh, plus four?

MATT: Persuasion.

AIMEE: Oh, persuasion!

AABRIA: Persuasion.

AIMEE: Sorry!

AABRIA: The thing you're good at, warlock.

AIMEE: All right, I was like, perception. That is a 20.

AABRIA: Did I say perception? Maybe I said it wrong. That's on me.

AIMEE: No, no.

ANJALI: You said persuasion.

AIMEE: You said persuasion. I just can't read.

AABRIA: I'm out here ready to gaslight myself. (laughter)

AIMEE: Not on women's history month.

ANJALI: No, ma'am.


ANJALI: No, ma'am.

AIMEE: Uh-uh.

ANJALI: You got you, girl.

AABRIA: It's April now. It's not our month anymore.

AIMEE: Oh, it's not.

AABRIA: April Fools, I love myself. A dirty 20 is a stronger case. You feel that skittering stop. Then the voice seems somehow closer to whatever is the source of your hearing, and she purrs in your ear. "Okay. Well then, will you be my champion?"

AIMEE: Yes! Oh my god, I've been dying for you to ask. Yes.

ANJALI: (laughs)

AABRIA: "Every champion requires a test. But I know how strong you are."

AIMEE: Okay. Is that a written test? I'm bad at those.


AIMEE: Okay.

AABRIA: "I apologize, because this is going to hurt." Make a constitution saving throw.

AIMEE: Oh no. What did I just agree to?

MATT: That's fine. It's going to be fine.

AIMEE: 19.

AABRIA: Oh my god.

AIMEE: Wait. Right?


AIMEE: No, I have no plus.



AABRIA: That's great.

AIMEE: Plus zero.

AABRIA: It's a 19!

AIMEE: Yeah, it's still good.

AABRIA: That's great.

AIMEE: Okay.

AABRIA: Opal, you feel your conception of yourself double over in pain. Your veins and arteries feel like they are filled with fire as poison rushes through your body. You see in your mind's eye, you're looking down at yourself, and you see shuddering flashes of what could be, of people that have failed the Spider Queen's test and been warped and twisted and turned into horrible monsters who have no will of their own. They're simply bent into her service. But you know who you are. That presence of mind that lets you stand and speak to a god as an equal, as a partner, courses back through you, strengthens your resolve, hardens your veins to iron and you feel that pain lessen and lessen until it's a warm comfort that runs through your veins. Something else close to you inside of you and a part of you as your circlet awakens.


AABRIA: So, you are now resistant to poison damage and immune to the poisoned condition.

AIMEE: Okay!

ANJALI: All right.

AABRIA: That special ability you have on your reaction to add a plus five to an attack roll, you can use it twice before your rest.

AIMEE: Holy shit.


AIMEE: Plus five twice! Okay. And she feels this?

AABRIA: She feels it. Yeah, Opal feels it.

AIMEE: Okay.

AABRIA: Then you see a dark mirror, but a mirror nonetheless, shimmer and come into being in front of you and you see yourself, this dripping, terrible mess. She says, "Well done, my champion."

AIMEE: Thanks. Feels pretty good. Maybe we can negotiate a little bit of an outfit clean, but we don't have to do that right now. We could do that later.

AABRIA: "Why do you think I made the mirror?"

AIMEE: Really? See, I knew you were a good friend.

AABRIA: "Are we friends?"

AIMEE: Yeah. I mean, you live in my head, so, I hope so.

AABRIA: "Interesting." You feel her presence recede. Now in this mirror, you can decide what you look like. The circlet has to stay on. It's a part of you now. But you can change your appearance if you want.

AIMEE: I think Opal looks in the mirror and she doesn't love it, and she did have notes about her appearance from before. But I think--

AABRIA: "I don't take notes."

AIMEE: But I really think now that she hardened and there has been a little bit of this badass power coursing through her, I think she realizes how powerful that imagery can be. So I think she's going to keep it.

AABRIA: Amazing.

AIMEE: Some personal growth.

AABRIA: Anyone watching you sleep would watch you go from fitful tossing, as you relax, comfortable in the power that you claimed and claimed you. A partnership. And you move on.

AIMEE: Thank you.

AABRIA: Dorian, I think at some point during the night-- Cyrus fell asleep a little too early, so he has that 3:00am problem of when you take a nap a little too soon he wakes up and he's going to scooch over. Where did you fall asleep?

ROBBIE: Probably floor. I would take the floor. Yeah, got my cloak wrapped over for me. Maybe a wadded up throw pillow or something. We've been roughing it a little bit quite a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

AABRIA: He's going to scooch up to you and, not roughly, but try to nudge you awake. "Psst... Are you up?"

ROBBIE: I am now. What's the matter? Is everything all right?

AABRIA: "I just wanted to have a quick check-in. Because I think things got really crazy. Things are always crazy around you."

ROBBIE: Whoa, whoa. Around me?

AABRIA: "In a good way."


AABRIA: "It's crazy, but you take care of it. You're always with people that take care of it and you take care of them."

ROBBIE: I'm going to give them a nod and slowly creep over and put my back against the wall by the fire away from the rest of the group.

AABRIA: "I know I'm the older brother, and I'm the one that's supposed to lead our people. But I just wanted your advice on what I should do next. I mean, assuming we don't die tomorrow and my debts are settled; I don't feel ready to go home."

ROBBIE: If I have to be honest, neither do I.

AABRIA: "Yeah?"

ROBBIE: Yeah. I'm sure if we were needed, someone would call for us.

AABRIA: "100%."

ROBBIE: We don't necessarily keep the best low profile.

AABRIA: "No, we do not. Mor was right. We are not subtle."

ROBBIE: I cannot think of a time when we have ever spoken freely like this.

AABRIA: "I should apologize for that."

ROBBIE: I don't think it's your fault or mine, necessarily. I think it was the way we were raised. I think they kept us at a distance on purpose.

AABRIA: "Yeah."

ROBBIE: It makes sense.

AABRIA: "I'm going to apologize because I think when I noticed it, instead of pulling you closer, I let them hold me away from you."

ROBBIE: But you were so good at your position. Listen, I know my friends have been teasing you and I know--

AABRIA: "I deserve it."

ROBBIE: -- I have been, too, but you are a good heir. You're strong. You're capable. You're loyal. We may not be the best outside of our element, but there is no one better than you when you're in it. But this is what I've always wanted. I've always wanted to bring the outside world into our lives, more into the lives of our people. That's all I ever wanted. That's why I left. We are just showing through our ineptitude that it was the right choice.

AABRIA: "God. Every story I heard about what it would be like out here. It's so much bigger."

ROBBIE: Oh, it's so much more difficult.

AABRIA: "Oh my god."

ROBBIE: I thought we would rule. But when you spend every day of your life and your youth someone telling you, "You're the best," or--

AABRIA: "Everyone's so nice."


AABRIA: "But they don't have to be nice to you out here."

ROBBIE: They don't. They can take advantage of you, or they can lift you up. We've had both. I am loving every minute of it. Even more so with you. So whatever you-- whatever we choose, I think we're on the right path, as strange as it feels. If this doesn't work, we meet other good people that we like and we bring those that we can with us, and that's all life is. When it's time to go home, we go home. And I hope we go home together.

AABRIA: "(sniffles)"

ROBBIE: Oh, please.

AABRIA: "I'm sorry."

ROBBIE: It's all right.

AABRIA: "I'm full of emotion."

ROBBIE: (laughs)

AABRIA: "I went to the bar three times while you guys were fighting upstairs."

ROBBIE: (laughs) It's been a tough few months.

AABRIA: "Yeah. I wouldn't be here without you. I am grateful and proud to call you my brother. And I will follow you anywhere."

ROBBIE: (sighs) Side by side. We'll take turns on who takes the lead.

AABRIA: "Okay."

ROBBIE: All right.

AABRIA: He leans in and gives you a hug.

ROBBIE: Oh, come on.

AABRIA: "I'm sorry."

ROBBIE: Wait--

AABRIA: "Once I start it's so hard to stop." He's wiping his face off on your hair.

ROBBIE: Oh, you smell like mead, too.

AABRIA: "Yeah. I tried the Bread. They make it different when it's not Mor making it. It was thick."

ROBBIE: All right.

ERICA: I make a thin bread.

AIMEE: She makes a real thin bread.

ERICA: Yeah!

ANJALI: Almost a flatbread.

ROBBIE: Come on. And we'll go foot to foot on the floor by the fire.

AIMEE: ♪ Side by side ♪

ROBBIE: Not spooning my brother! (laughter)

AIMEE: Who's the big spoon?

ROBBIE: Foot to foot.

ERICA: Side by side, spoon to spoon.

AABRIA: He pulls out a deck of cards. "You want to see some card tricks that I've picked up in Kymal?"

ROBBIE: Card tricks?

AABRIA: "Yeah." He actually starts shuffling and I can't do it. I was practicing for this and couldn't do it. But does a bunch of cool jumpy card shuffles, very dextrous things. He's like, "I just picked it up."

AIMEE: He's good at something.

ROBBIE: Wow! Yeah, that's pretty good.

AABRIA: "Anyway. You want to play a couple-- Sorry, big emotions. I'm not going to fall back asleep right now. I need a cool down period."

ROBBIE: Yeah, yeah. What about Three-Dragon Ante?

AABRIA: "All right." He starts dealing you cards.

ROBBIE: Let's do it.

AABRIA: Perfect. In that nice, quiet room, dark gives way to early light and you all come back up to consciousness just as the sun reaches over the craggy peaks of the Ironseat Ridge in the distance. It's a new day. It's a big day. It's heist day.

AIMEE: It's a poodle day.

ROBBIE: (laughs)

AABRIA: It's a full poodle day. So I think it's time to get into it. So before we begin our poodle proper, why don't we go ahead and take a little break. (cheering)

AABRIA: All right. We're going to walk this off. We'll see you back soon in a minute. I hate this part. (laughter)

AABRIA: Go away, then come back soon. Goodbye. (cheering) (cheering)


What? I'm just laughing, 'cause we have such a great mix of original characters, original storyline, each campaign. And then there's this asshole that tried to kill Santa. (all laughing) Yeah. It's- Ooooh! Whoa! Put that on a Smucker's jar. Sorry, Taliesin. I love you, Taliesin! (all laughing) Spill the tea, because I was like, is he crushing on (bleep)? Oh my character died last night. Oh, what were you fighting? Inevitability and... (laughing) Is this a prop or is it edible? (hopeful adventure music)

Laura: Hey Critters, Laura Bailey here to guide you through what's new in the Critical Role shops. Style should never be a dump stat, darling. Could anything be more perfect? It's the little things in life. Roll an investigation if you want. It's basically perfect. I mean, the Traveler always says impulse purchases are a good decision. And hey, if you want, you could head over to the Critical Role shop right now.

(sneaky music) (typewriter clicking) (sneaky music) (hopeful piano music)

LAURA: Oh hey, everyone. It's me, Jester. So the Traveler and I were going to tell you guys all about subscribing to Twitch, but it sort of seems like he's not really here right now, which is so stupid. Traveler? Traveler? Arty. (grunts) You know what, it's fine. I can do it by myself, with myself. I invoke Duplicity. Oh, hello Jester. Hi Jester. Okay, so what we're going to do today is tell the people at home all about the good stuff they get when subscribing to Twitch. Oh, I dunno what Twitch is, but that sounds good, let's go. No, that's perfect, 'cause this works for you too then. Okay so, there's a professionally-moderated live chat, and if you subscribe, you can post the links in the chat. Like a link to a cool hamster video? Exactly like that. So what we do here is tell like, really cool stories, right? And sometimes like crazy shit happens when we're telling those stories, and people that subscribe get special emotes so you can express how you feel. What if you live on the side of Exandria where it's really late, and you're like, "I'm just gonna close my eyes for a few seconds," and then it's two hours, and the music is playing, and you're like, "Oh no, I missed the whole show." Oh no, that's a great question. Well, if you subscribe to Twitch, then you can just watch all of our VODs as soon as the live broadcast ends. So cool, right? So cool. I know. Another really cool thing is you can give subscriptions to people. Like I could buy a subscription for you, duplicate Jester, and for other p-- What are you doing? Look what I found. Oh my gosh, hey precious. I could draw a dick. Oh, well, technically, technically that might break Twitch's terms of service, so. But, there's no rule against, like, drawing chubby little snakes. (giggles) Yeah, or, or a really long balloon sword. Yeah, or like a really thick rope, with like, two hunky knots at the end of it. Cucumber, with two tomatoes, Yeah, a banana, you know, sitting next to an onion and an avocado. Like a mushroom, with like a little cap on it. A wiener dog, with just two feet. Yeah. Arty, where are you? Should we go look for him? Yeah, sure, why not. Oh, don't forget to subscribe to Critical Role. Okay, let's go. Okay. (whimsical music)

Part II[]

AABRIA: And we're back. So after getting a nice long night of rest, having some important conversations both externally and internally, and a very interesting trip to the Chroma Spa Cave-- (chuckling)

MATT: Oh my god.

AABRIA: Thank you for letting me do that, it was so disrespectful. (laughter)

ANJALI: Tovar for the win.

AABRIA: Tovar.

ANJALI: Tovar for the win.

AABRIA: Love him for that.

ERICA: Tovar would be heard. Tovar would be heard.


AABRIA: He would. You guys wake up refreshed, rested, and prepared to do a whole-ass heist? How're we feeling?


MATT: Right, we're doing that.

AIMEE: I think Opal's going through all her outfits. Just (dinging). (chuckles)

AABRIA: What'd you land on? Now that you've started it, I will--

AIMEE: (dings)

AABRIA: What did we land on?

AIMEE: Okay, just stop me, and then I'll tell you what it is. (dinging)

AABRIA: There.

AIMEE: She looks like Mor. Because she always wanted to look like a little bunny.

ERICA: Little bunny.

AIMEE: Then she's like: Just kidding, I just wanted to try it on. Then she changes back into her, I think she ends up in this outfit. (laughter)

ROBBIE: Yeah, yeah, no skin.

AIMEE: Because we did the art so she's going to wear this. But she did try stealthier options, but she's going to land on this one.

AABRIA: Love it.

AIMEE: Yeah.

AABRIA: Love it. Okay, is there anything any of you want to do before you begin on your adventure? Just any preparation.

MATT: I will say, who's probably going to be taking point on this? Who's looking to be the tip of the spear, if you will?

ROBBIE: Seems obvious.


AABRIA: (chuckles)

AIMEE: (squeals)

MATT: Gotcha. I cast Aid on you at 3rd-level.

ANJALI: Oh, excellent.


ERICA: What's that?

ANJALI: He just cast, he gave you Aid.

AABRIA: What does it feel like as you cast it?

MATT: In the middle of this moment of trying to figure something out, Dariax places his hand on your shoulder and there's this odd surge of-- like you just chugged a warm bowl of soup, but it's a little too hot and it's burning in the belly a little bit, and you're like, oh no, this is a bad idea. But then it's nice. It freaks you out for a second, that's very much a good encapsulation of how Dariax's magic works for other people.

ERICA: Do I have-- Do I have magic boogers now? (chuckling)

ERICA: That I can flick at people?

MATT: No-- We'll find out. But for now, that'll at least keep you a little hardy and up and about, in case things get a little weird.

ERICA: Oh, thank you.

MATT: So for the next eight hours--

AIMEE: Whoa.

MATT: --you have an additional 10 hit points to your maximum.


AABRIA: Let's go!

AIMEE: No longer Sharon with three hit points.

ERICA: I know, no longer Sharon with three hit points.


ANJALI: (laughs)

MATT: That's not even temp hit points. That's actual--

AABRIA: Those are real.

ERICA: Oh okay, whoa.

AIMEE: Wow-wow-wow.

AABRIA: That means you can heal them back if you lose them. You know what? We're done with the hat.


AABRIA: It just keeps falling.

ROBBIE: Yeah, me too. Never!

AABRIA: No! Okay, okay. I started this cosplaying as Robbie, and I will finish it cosplaying as Robbie.

AIMEE: You will fucking finish it.


ROBBIE: 90% more brim.

AABRIA: I didn't know how to get a big enough hat.

ERICA: I would say it Mor is very touched, and she looks at Dariax and she says: Sometimes it's nice to have friends.

MATT: Yeah, totally. Sometimes it's extremely obnoxious. But I will say, as a person that's done a lot of traveling on my own, you tend to get a lot more trouble when you don't have, physical consciousness. That's the word? Conscience, consciousness?

AIMEE: Con-science.

MATT: Consciousness-es around you. They keep you on the straight and narrow. Plus, it's good to have drinking buddies and I don't know, sometimes cuddle buddies. Anyway.

ERICA: Yeah.

MATT: Let's do this shit.

ERICA: Let's go.



AIMEE: Quickly.


AIMEE: Can I (clears throat). Spider Girl, bestie?

AABRIA: "Okay, I don't know how I feel about Spider Girl."

AIMEE: Okay, what should I call you?

AABRIA: "But, like, what's good?"

AIMEE: What should I call you?

AABRIA: "Hi, what?"

AIMEE: What should I call you?

AABRIA: "The Spider Queen."

AIMEE: Okay, that's a little formal, but okay. So about to do this big poodle, okay? So if I need help or whatever, can I just, like, call in?

AABRIA: "I mean--"

AIMEE: Because I'm your champion now?

AABRIA: "Actually, yes, and I can grant you a boon since you forgot to do it yesterday."

AIMEE: Okay.

AABRIA: You feel that little, opalescent brooch returns to your form as your familiar is re-summoned to you.

AIMEE: It's an earring, but yeah.

AABRIA: Oh, it's a earring, that's right.

AIMEE: Okay.

AABRIA: She made it a brooch, and then she goes, "Oh, I'm so sorry," and makes it an earring. "My bad, I forgot."

AIMEE: Would you be upset if I called her Ted 3? Or do you want me to call her, I can name her after you, Spider Girl.

AABRIA: "Oh wait, why-- Oh, it's the same-- There's so much to unpack in everything you just said."

AIMEE: Oh, so it's the same soul.

AABRIA: "-- familiar. Soul is a big word. It's Ted 2 again."

AIMEE: It's Ted 2, again. All right, we'll call her Ted 2 again, thanks so much.

AABRIA: "You're wel-- Bye."

AIMEE: Love you!

AABRIA: "(throat clear)"

MATT: Sometimes, she gets like that and stares in the corner. It's a little creepy, but keeps her happy.

AABRIA: You actually see as she's looking off, you see what you can only imagine is the shadow of a spider sprint across her eye.

AIMEE: Rough.

AABRIA: You don't feel anything, though.

AIMEE: I'm bad. (laughter)

AABRIA: Billie Eilish could never.

ANJALI: I have been holding a tiger's eye stone in my hand and working it through my fingers for most of the morning as we're planning. I hold it tight and try one more time, through the Gift, to get any sense of where Fy'ra Kai might be.

AABRIA: I'm not going to have you roll because the only time you got a flash was that singular bit of confirmation that she was alive. But beyond that, there is magic on her that keeps her from your detection. Even though you are fairly certain she's in the city, the Gift can't reach her here.

ANJALI: Okay. Right, it's the big day.

AABRIA: There's one big question. So you know where the vault is.

ERICA: Yeah.

AABRIA: You've got two big ways to reach it. Do you try to directly access it by going to the West Run, and trying to go subterranean to that and make your way down into the vault? Or do you use the corridor? That's at accessed in the kitchens behind the buffet.

AIMEE: Well, since we have people after us, right?

ANJALI: It also seems like, as a bartender, you would have more access to the kitchen.

ERICA: I probably have a pretty good idea of the layout of the kitchen. I mean, obviously, I have the blueprints, but--


ERICA: I think more based off of the events of yesterday, would say probably the less direct route in her brain. Then she also says it out loud. I think I explain that there are two different ways. We can either take a direct route or an indirect route. Basically we can go subterranean, go underground, or we can go through the kitchens. I vote the kitchens because we made a little bit of a splash yesterday.

AIMEE: Yeah.

MATT: Valid, yeah.

ERICA: Also, I know the kitchens.

AIMEE: Great.

MATT: We made a splash.

AIMEE: I made a goop.

ANJALI: I suppose there is no danger of the Nameless Ones trying to come to us. It does seem like it, they have been held responsible for the events of yesterday in the penthouse.

ERICA: I can't say what the Nameless Ones will or will not do, I wish I could.

ANJALI: Do you think it wise for us to disguise ourselves as much as possible, then? I feel--

ERICA: Yeah, I mean, if you feel that would help.

ANJALI: I don't have--

AIMEE: I do a mean green highlight.

ROBBIE: Hmm. (clears throat)

ROBBIE: I'll take my brother's cloak and I'll wrap it around my head and put a hood up.

AIMEE: (laughs) Poor Cyrus.

AABRIA: (laughs) He's like--

ROBBIE: I imagine he's got his literal hand stuck in a cookie jar or something.

AABRIA: Yeah, he's in the corner. It's stuck in the urn.

AIMEE: I'm going to make a great cake. (laughter)

ROBBIE: I know it's in there.

AABRIA: "If just I let go of the dirt, I know I can get my hand out, but I want to hold it." That's what he's doing.

AIMEE: Yeah, yeah.

AIMEE: The dirt.

ANJALI: That's not dirt.

MATT: That is a man who let a pet rock die. (laughter)

MATT: So if we're not trying to blend in, right, is what you're saying?

AIMEE: We are trying to.

ERICA: We are trying.

MATT: Yeah, I'm confirming. No, we are. So should we look like we work here if we're going to the kitchens? Is that kind of the deal?

ERICA: I mean, sure.

AIMEE: That would makes sense.

ERICA: Sure, yeah, yeah.

MATT: All right, all right. I go ahead and use the cloak to give myself the same feather outfit that Mor had on at the bar earlier.

AABRIA: Inspiration.

ERICA: I will use--


ERICA: I will cast Disguise Self and put on my little feather outfit, too.

AABRIA: You guys are twinsies.

MATT: Oh my god!

AIMEE: Baby twins! Love it.

ANJALI: She has that skill.

AIMEE: I guess I'll Disguise Self as the woman whose bolero I stole, with the bolero and everything. What was her name?

AABRIA: Amazing. I don't remember.

ANJALI: Bolero lady.

AIMEE: Well, no, she wouldn't be in the kitchen. Well--

AABRIA: Yeah, do want to look like a patron here, or someone that works here? Because you have seen--

AIMEE: Sure, I've seen people.

AABRIA: People that work here.

AIMEE: Okay.

AABRIA: They tend to wear like baby blue and lilac.

AIMEE: Okay, so--

AABRIA: Or big feather things.

AIMEE: Just because she's who she is, I'll be the lady, but with the feathers as if she works here. It don't make any sense, but--

AABRIA: We're all doing the feathers. I love this.

AIMEE: They're show girls.

AABRIA: Yes! Anyone else? Feather, feather, feather, feather?

ANJALI: I have my cloak, which can hide my hair as best as it can, but everything else on me is-- I'm pretty undeniably me.


AABRIA: Which you have that just a little bit of an errant thought intrusive that's, it's not bad to look like you right now.

ANJALI: Oh shit.

AIMEE: That's true.

ANJALI: (to hair) You may be good here. (gasps) I just realized something.

AIMEE: Who said that?

ANJALI: Never mind.

AIMEE: Opal takes out some perfume and goes: Here. (whooshing) Flame goes high. (laughter)

ANJALI: Yeah, my hair is just--

AIMEE: Now you'll smell doing it.

AABRIA: Cyrus goes, "Ah!"

ANJALI: Now it smell like burnt perfume.

AIMEE: Yeah, burnt perfume.

MATT: It is extremely flammable. (whooshing)

ANJALI: Exactly, you know those essential oil things where you'd heat it up and the essential oil dissipates? That's what just happened with your perfume.

AABRIA: Incredible.

AIMEE: Didn't really go the way I thought it would.

ROBBIE: We won't all have to be together. Two employees, a few patrons, we'll work it out when we get there.

AIMEE: Okay.

ANJALI: And I may-- Yeah, we're good. (tapping) We're good. Shall we head to our planned place of entrance? I don't know.

ROBBIE: Don't you remember? We came up with--

AIMEE: We've already come up with a plan.

ANJALI: That's what I said.

AABRIA: And we smash cut. (cheering)

AIMEE: Yeah, smash cut!

AABRIA: Look, I'm just trying to make sure you all--

ANJALI and AABRIA: Seamless transition.

AABRIA: You all are standing in front of the entrance to the buffet: A Taste of Tal'Dorei. Is this going to be a pun list? Yes, it is. (applauding)

ANJALI: I am so here for it.

ERICA: I'm going to say that my outfit, I gave myself big feathery fans so that I can cover things up when I need to, like maybe people slipping behind doors. Ooh!

AABRIA: You know what? I'll allow it, I love it. So yeah, you walk in and the extra bit of intel that we didn't see as we smash cut here, you all are aware that there's no gambling happening on the main casino floor right now. Tables are turned over. People are huddled up and they are bracing for an assault.

ERICA: Yeah, I figured-- That's why I figured we could maybe go through the kitchen because things are so topsy-turvy right now that it might not be that weird for us to--

AABRIA: Exactly. There are people in the buffet eating, but it doesn't have that jovial, everyone living a mimosa life on a Saturday morning. People are, again, clumped up, huddled up, grabbing what food they can. They seem to be mentally and physically girding themselves for an assault. But you walk in and again, it's that dissonance of like a very jokey atmosphere with a very dour reality. Could break you off a couple of these. You see over in the corner is the dessert bar, it's called Pie-roden. (cheering)

AABRIA: Yep, these are all for you. I'm going to make eye contact with you, Matt.

AIMEE: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

AABRIA: There's the Stilben Fish Market.


AABRIA: The Iron Authority Grill. Yeah, because it grilled all kinds of animal. The Emon Cloudtop Breakfast Bar.


AABRIA: Yeah. And the Kraghammer Blast Furnace Pizza Hutch.

AIMEE: Not the Pizza Hutch.

MATT: I dig it.

ANJALI: Yeah, yeah. (laughter)

AABRIA: Oh, and the Whitestone Winery where all the mimosas and drinks are.

AIMEE: Oh, that's nice. See, I want to go there.

AABRIA: Written in cursive under it is: "Life needs wine to live."

AIMEE: Oh! "But first, wine-o." Mor! That's my hometown with the pies. We're known for our pies.

ERICA: Oh, really?

AIMEE: Yeah, you got to try some one day.

ERICA: That's cool, yeah.

MATT: She grew up in this buffet. (laughter)

AIMEE: That's very funny of you, Dariax.

MATT: What?

AIMEE: That's a funny joke.

MATT: Thanks.

AIMEE: (buzzing) (laughter)

AABRIA: Those two brain cells just pinging.

AIMEE: (buzzing) (laughter)

AABRIA: You see the entrance to the kitchens is right between the winery and the breakfast station.

ERICA: Cool.

AABRIA: You've been in there a couple times, probably.

ERICA: Yeah.

AABRIA: You head back and no one-- People clocked you as you came in, but no one's making any move towards you, and you don't actually see very many people that work here other than people that are running the different food stations. But there's not like the same security detail.

ERICA: Okay. I just keep a smile on my face as I walk ahead of everyone. Doing that show girl strut. Yeah, I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm doing something.

AABRIA: Amazing. You push into the double doors into a boisterous kitchen. You see a bunch of stressed, all sorts of races here. Everyone's at full capacity. There's shouts and yelling at a cacophony that's unmatched by the relatively dour silence of the rest of the buffet. A very tall, burly looking, sunburnt human turns to you and is like, "I'm so sorry. I know you're here, but we-- Don't be in here. We're working, what are you?"

AIMEE: Sorry.

AABRIA: "Yeah."

AIMEE: Sorry, no, no, no. We're just passing through.

ERICA: Yeah.

AABRIA: "What? To where?"

AIMEE: To our new-- To our place of employment.

ERICA: Yes, to the back behind the kitchen. To the back behind out of the kitchen. Wait, hold on.


ERICA: What's behind the kitchen?

AABRIA: So you know that behind the kitchen is an exit to the building. There's just the kitchen entrance.

ERICA: Okay.

AABRIA: But there's a grate in the back of the kitchen that you can use as a service access to the vault corridor.

ANJALI: Someone needs to, we need to block that entrance.

ERICA: I cast Message.

ANJALI: Oh, she has message.


ANJALI: That's useful.

ERICA: I cast message to Fy'ra and I say-- Oh, it's a cantrip. (excited noise) I've never had a cantrip. (laughter) I don't have to burn a spell slot. I look at you and I point at you and I go: We need to get everyone out of this kitchen. We got to figure something out. Wait, can you cast message at multiple people? No.

AABRIA: One at a time, yeah.

ERICA: Okay, oh, fine. You can just use it over and over, can't you?

AABRIA: Welcome to cantrips! (cheering)

AABRIA: Now keep in mind, there's components to casting a spell. So there's a guy that was like, "What are you doing?" Then you went, "Hold, please. (whispering)" So I think he's going to let you do that one time before he is like, "Leave."

ERICA: Great, fine. I do it to them. But I work here. Ha!

AABRIA: "Do you work in the kitchen? Because those feathers would catch on fire."

AIMEE: We're inspectors. We're here to inspect the back of the kitchen.

ANJALI: While they're talking--

AABRIA: "Dressed like an ostrich?"

AIMEE: Yeah.

ERICA: We're short staffed--

AIMEE: We like it. It's part of our company policy.

ERICA: We're short staffed right now so I'm leading the inspectors around to inspect everything because everything's needs inspecting.

AIMEE: So far, y'all got an F rating.

ERICA: Yeah, so you know what, you should really shape up.

AABRIA: "Internally?"

AIMEE: I see dirt around here and someone picked up a lobster and put it on the plate.

AABRIA: "Okay, you can ignore that part."

AIMEE: All right.

AABRIA: Give me a deception check. I'm going to make it a flat roll. I would give you disadvantage, but because you're both, one of you have to give it, so who's doing the deception check?

AIMEE: Mor, I got a plus four. What do you got?

ERICA: A plus nine.

AIMEE: Yeah, Mor, cool, do it. Oh yeah, duh.

ERICA: 13--

ANJALI: Plus nine.


ERICA: 22. (laughter)

AABRIA: This guy looks so confused. "It is weird that we're doing inspections before a gang war."

ERICA: Well, you should expect the unexpected when you're inspecting.

AIMEE: (chuckles)

MATT: Yeah.

AABRIA: "That was-- Okay, sure, what do you need from us?"

AIMEE: Nothing, just get out of the way.

ERICA: We actually need everyone to exit the kitchen.

AIMEE: Oh, yeah.

AABRIA: "But it's breakfast rush."

ERICA: It's okay, there's a lot going on right now. I think last thing on people's minds is breakfast.

AABRIA: "But it's the most important meal of the day. Okay, okay." He gives a sharp whistle and everyone immediately stops at their stations and looks at him and he points. "Do you want us to wait inside or outside?"

ERICA: Outside. Inside.

AABRIA: Either inside in the buffet or outside the building entirely.

AIMEE: In the buffet.

ERICA: Inside the buffet.

AABRIA: "Okay."

ERICA: Yeah.

AABRIA: "Can we like grab a bite to-- That's my choice. I make choices! Come on." He gestures and everyone immediately follows him out. This goes from a room with 22 people in it to zero, in under 30 seconds. You see through the little bit of a window in those doors, as they all immediately make their way over to the breakfast bar and start eating breakfast.

AIMEE: Good, they deserve it.

AABRIA: Getting some muffins.

MATT: It's kind of funny, breakfast being the most important meal of day is actually a big racket created as a marketing ploy by the big farming association there.


MATT: Yeah. So I engage with it by having breakfast for every other meal.


MATT: So anyway, let's continue.

ANJALI: Fy'ra is visibly confused, not being able to be in charge. She's a little bit-- You can tell she's frustrated because she keeps not knowing what to do. So I'm immediately, now that everybody's left, I'm charging forward and looking for this grate.

AABRIA: Okay. Yeah. Give me an investigation check.


AABRIA: Yeah, with the 15, Mor, did you show people the blueprints?


AIMEE: Yeah.


ERICA: 100%. Why would I not have done that?

ANJALI: Are they still in your--

AIMEE: No, we did. We did. Last, yeah.

ERICA: Yeah, yeah.

AABRIA: Yeah, so--

AIMEE: I remember.

AABRIA: You were vaguely aware of where to look and you get to that part of the kitchen and you see a massive stone table rolled over. Looking under, you see that little bit of decline where a grate would be, but there's a 300-pound stone table over it.

ANJALI: Does anyone have any arcane ability to do something with this?

AIMEE: Want me to Eldritch Blast it?

ANJALI: No, we shouldn't destroy it.

ROBBIE: What? The table?

ANJALI: We don't want to bring too much. The grate is under here.

MATT: Well, we all take a corner, right?

ROBBIE: Yeah. 300 pounds?

MATT: Yeah.

ANJALI: All right, let's go.

AIMEE: Okay.

MATT: I weighed this much when I was 14.

ANJALI: She's been working out.

AIMEE: Use your legs!

ANJALI: She starts pushing. She's still newly used to her new strength.

AABRIA: Okay. So who all's pushing?

AIMEE: I guess everybody.

AABRIA: One, two, three. Doesn't have to be. Do you dream of labor?


AABRIA: You don't got to.

AIMEE: I really don't.

AABRIA: Okay, so if you're pushing, go ahead and give me an athletics check.

ERICA: Five. My athletics modifier is negative. Should I just stay out of it?

AABRIA: You can do whatever you feel in your heart.

ERICA: I think I would try.


ERICA: I think she'd try.



ANJALI: This is Fy'ra's moment to shine.

AIMEE: Good.

ANJALI: This was a natural 20 plus eight. (gasping)

AIMEE: Yeah, baby!

AABRIA: Oh my god.

AIMEE: She moves it all on her own.

ERICA: Well, you know what? Wait a minute. I got a strong six. (laughter)

AIMEE: Seven minus one.

ERICA: Me too. Me too. (laughter)

AABRIA: How'd you do?

MATT: 16.

AABRIA: Ooh! Okay.

MATT: I rolled a number.

ROBBIE: The exact same.

MATT: Yeah! (cheering)

ANJALI: You guys are always so connected.

MATT: My buddy.

ROBBIE: We know. We've moved a few couches together.

MATT: Yeah, yeah. (laughter)

AIMEE: Pivot! Pivot!

AABRIA: Oh man. Okay. So Mor and Opal begin to push and are very quickly, brushed gently to the side as Dariax and Dorian fall in behind them and begin pushing. Then in a corner of her own, with that natural 20, Fy'ra Rai gets the exact right angle, and with one mighty push, you guys send this thing, not flying, but it moves, easily and briskly, the fuck out of the way.

AIMEE: Nice.

AABRIA: You see a two-foot wide grate.

ANJALI: She feels much more in her element now. She's a little less rattled, but feeling less inadequate than she was. Right.

AIMEE: The grate, is it deep? Is the vault underneath the grate? We don't know. We have to open up the grate and find out.

AABRIA: I will say, though-- Did you? Where is Cyrus? He's your problem. (laughter)

ROBBIE: He is my problem.

AABRIA: So what'd you tell him to do?

ROBBIE: To bring or not to bring, is always the question with your idiot brother.

AABRIA: Yeah. Do you want a liability I would absolutely have a wonderful time exploiting?

ROBBIE: I've been thinking about it.

AABRIA: Oh, do you want to--

ROBBIE: I have decided to... Cyrus begged to participate.

AABRIA: He did.

ROBBIE: Are you just asking me that?


ROBBIE: Or do I need to flash back to the plan?

AABRIA: Oh my god.

ANJALI: Already?

AIMEE: Already?

ERICA: (gasps)

ROBBIE: Already.

AIMEE: Oh, he's just going to--


AIMEE: -- Just going to lay it out.

ANJALI: All right.

AABRIA: All right.

ROBBIE: All right. I'm going to flash back to the plan.




AABRIA: "You have to let me go."

ROBBIE: I spent my Flippy Chippy. This is a--

AABRIA: Flippy Chippy?

ROBBIE: That's what I'm calling it.

AABRIA: Adding it to the list. That's right. That's good.

ROBBIE: As the rest of them are discussing the real plan.


ROBBIE: Cyrus is doing what you're doing right now.

AABRIA: "Let me go. How am I supposed to get not bad at shit?"

ROBBIE: I know you want to go and--

AABRIA: "I should go."

ROBBIE: Yeah, you are going to go. All right, here's what we do. (whispering) Then I'm going to whisper into his ear and then you'll find out what I whispered later.

AABRIA: "Okay." All right?

ROBBIE: (laughs)

AABRIA: I love a surprise as a DM. Horrified.

ERICA: You did this. You did this.

ROBBIE: You gave me the power!


ROBBIE: All right.

AABRIA: I stand by it. At some point, someone has to explain any of this to me.


AABRIA: But it's okay. I'm here for the ride. And you know what? You get a little puff of wind nudge from Cyrus. Who's been watching, per the plan, out the little window into the main buffet and he gets your eyes and goes, "There's people coming."

ROBBIE: (claps) (blows)

AIMEE: (giggles) Oh, that's part of the plan. Oh my!

AABRIA: He pushes through the doors and went, "That's the distraction. Got it. I'm a bard!" You hear him walk out and begin to yodel.

ROBBIE: He has my lute.


ROBBIE: It's my blue lute. Not by new mandolin.

AABRIA: Yeah. He starts strumming it. Oh god.

AIMEE: "Hey, want to hear Wonderwall?"

AABRIA: Very well, actually.

ROBBIE: (cheers)

AABRIA: With a 19 on the die!

ROBBIE: Brother!

AABRIA: He just-- "♪ Hello! ♪" (laughter)

ANJALI: (claps) Oh, his falsetto is so beautiful.

AABRIA: He is a little bit of distraction. As you guys see a couple guards and security members of the casino are coming in, speaking with the members of the kitchen and then interfacing with Cyrus, who's explaining, gesticulating wildly, and continuing to yodel.

AIMEE: Love it.

AABRIA: Giving you guys a little time.

ANJALI: I should grab the grate and start yanking.


ANJALI: On the grate.

AABRIA: I'm going to let that natural 20 absolutely ride.


AABRIA: The follow through on the push, you reach down and rip the grate up and you see these metal pins rip out of the ground. You're holding a 50-pound metal grate in your hand, effortlessly, and you look down and see a dark tunnel. Now, if you trust the blueprints, you know it will drop down 10 to 12 feet into a corridor. This is where air was coming in, in a subterranean corridor.

MATT: I was going to say, while you're getting the grate out, you want to move the table back as we're exiting?

ROBBIE: It sounds like a smart play.

MATT: All right.

ROBBIE: Because we could probably get underneath the table through the open grate, now that it's off, right?


AIMEE: Yeah, and then we can maybe put the grate back on once the last one of us goes.

ANJALI: That would be me.

ROBBIE: Everybody else down first, and then we'll move it over as we go?

MATT: Sounds like a plan to me.

ROBBIE: All right.

ERICA: I'll go down first.

AIMEE: Okay. I'll go second.

ERICA: I'll jump down coolly, because I'm really good at acrobatics.

AABRIA: Yeah. Give me an acrobatics check.

ERICA: Okay. Please, please, please. (kisses)

AABRIA: It's going to be great.

ERICA: Ah, it was an 18. But now it's a four.

AIMEE: What?

ERICA: There's a 14.


AABRIA: Look, with a 14 and being the first one to drop down, no one knows what it looked like.

ERICA: I just fell on my ass.

AABRIA: They'll imagine it very cool.

ERICA: Yeah.

AABRIA: The 14 is the intensity and calm command with which you exited the scene and they have no idea that you, you know when you jump and you get that little stinger in your ankle when you hit and you're like (grunts)? But no one caught it and no one can see you down here. It's pitch black, but roughly a 12-foot drop.

ERICA: Cool.

AABRIA: Who's next?

AIMEE: I'm next. I think I want to Disguise Self into Fearne because she's got those big old legs and--

AABRIA: Disguise Self doesn't change your physical form. Just the illusion.

AIMEE: Oh fuck! That would've a cool!

AABRIA: It would've been cool. The thing you want is Alter Self.

ANJALI: Really quick, I pull out my rope with my other hand. I still got the grate.

AIMEE: Oh, that's better.

ANJALI: I pull out my rope and I hand it to her with this and I go: Go, go.

AIMEE: Okay, great.

ANJALI: I'm going to hold onto this with the other hand.

AIMEE: Then do I have to roll for that?

AABRIA: Nah, I'm not going to let you roll.

AIMEE: Okay.

ERICA: I can catch her.

AIMEE: Oh, perfect.

AABRIA: Now you have to roll.

ERICA: She can fall into my loving embrace.


ERICA: No, my loving embrace.

AIMEE: 12 feet isn't that bad. That's why I have to go (screams). (laughter)

AABRIA: You're good. Tool assist means you do not have to roll.

AIMEE: Great. Thanks, F.

ROBBIE: Heroes of the realm, crawl down a 12-foot rope.

ANJALI: Yes. Well, it's just, she needs the help.

AIMEE: I do need the help. I'm in heels.

ANJALI: Yes. (laughter)

ANJALI: So am I, but eh.

AIMEE: You were born with those.

ANJALI: I was born with those. I am not going down next.

AIMEE: Oh, she's putting the grate back on. She's putting the grate back on.

ROBBIE: Oh, all right. You and me, we'll get inside by squeezing the table.

MATT: (groans)

ROBBIE: Pull with the leg and try to get it over there.

ANJALI: So. Yes.

AABRIA: You want to help them move it?

ANJALI: I'm going to help them move the-- yeah, exactly. So while they're pulling it over and I'm watching behind us, I'm like just, then I brush them away and I pull them over and I put the grate over and go: I have been working out. Down, go.

ROBBIE: Okay. I'll shimmy down the rope.

AABRIA: Amazing. Yep, and you drop down.

AIMEE: We're all here.

AABRIA: You're all here. Cyrus is still--

MATT: It's pitch black, right?

AABRIA: It's pitch black.

AIMEE: Great.

MATT: I'm going to go and cast Light on the edge of my spear.


MATT: You watch as the iron spear that he's carrying is now giving off this light, this bright, orange-ish, yellow torch light that slowly pulses with energy at the tip.

ANJALI: Is that enough for everybody who can't see anything?

MATT: It's up to a 20-foot radius of bright light and another 20-foot of dim light. So it's in a pretty decent space.

AABRIA: Yeah, so it's suddenly incredibly illuminated. You see that this is carved out of rock, that very clearly you know back in the day, this was an ore-rich area. You can even see that down here, where it was carved just to be a part of the casino, there are empty veins in the wall where ore was ripped out, even as this was being built. That this place used to be a booming gold town and has been absolutely gutted. The dark rock extends far behind you and far in front of you. But you all jump down in the correct orientation and forward will lead you inevitably to the vault.

AIMEE: To the vault.

ANJALI: Do we know if there's anything else, from our experience with the blueprints, do we know if there's anything else besides the vault on the other end? Is there somewhere that other people would likely be?

AABRIA: There's other air shafts, but the other ones tend to be much narrower and a medium sized humanoid couldn't fit through. This was the only one that was big enough to get girthy bodies.

ANJALI: Let's careful with that light as we walk under those air shafts, yes?

ERICA: I'm going to cast Snare.


AIMEE: What's that?

ERICA: On the ground. Because I'm assuming the shaft is pretty narrow, yeah?

AABRIA: The shaft that you guys are actually in, is 10 feet across, eight feet tall.

ERICA: Okay. I'll cast Snare. Can I cast Snare when we drop? Where we drop?

AABRIA: Yeah, absolutely.

ERICA: Yeah. Yeah. Okay, I'm going to do that.

AIMEE: Wait, what's that?

AABRIA: How does that work again?

ERICA: So basically, it requires 25 feet of rope. Would I have 25--

AABRIA: Everyone's got rope.

ERICA: Okay, great.

AABRIA: It's full Boondock Saints.

AIMEE: We came down on the rope.

AABRIA: Well, you got your fucking rope.

ERICA: Basically, "you use the rope to create a circle with a five-foot radius on the ground or floor. When you're done casting, the rope disappears and the circle becomes a magic trap."

AABRIA: Amazing.

AIMEE: Oh, that's so smart.

ERICA: "It's nearly invisible, requiring successful intelligence investigation check against your spell DC," oh sorry, "your spell save DC to be discerned. The trap triggers when a small, medium, or large creature moves onto the ground or the floor in the spells radius."

AIMEE: That's rad.


AABRIA: Incredible.

ROBBIE: It's a bunny with a snare trap.

AABRIA: (gasps) Stop it.

ANJALI: Joke's on you, hunters.

ROBBIE: Bunny with a snare trap.

AIMEE: Oh, hey.

ANJALI: Love that.

AABRIA: I will ask you, what does it look like when Mor casts magic.

ERICA: Oh, that's an interesting one. I'd say it's pretty simple. I think she takes her little rope out delicately and puts it on the floor and goes, (blows).

AIMEE: (claps) You're so big.

ERICA: Yeah, she has that I went: (breathy) Wow. This rope is so big and thick. (laughter) (clapping) (laughter)

AABRIA: Inspiration.

ERICA: Oh my god. Thanks.

AABRIA: That rope caught feelings.

ERICA: She just does it for effect.


AIMEE: That's so good.

AABRIA: The rope seems to blush before it disappears. Winks and blushes before it disappears.

ERICA: Again, the reason why her spells are not super flashy is because she's just doing them for herself, you know what I mean? There's no flourish to anything she does because she's always alone. So why would there be any flourish?

AABRIA: Oh, that's very cool.

ERICA: Yeah, it's just.

AABRIA: Yeah, she's just brutal and it happens. Before you guys even really clock that she's casting a spell, it's gone and done and invisible to your eyes.

AIMEE: Oh shit, so we don't know?

MATT: That's wild. She can make rope disappear. (laughter)

MATT: That could come in helpful.

ROBBIE: If we step on that, do we go (whistles)?

ERICA: Don't step on it. Let's go.

ROBBIE: Okay, thanks.


AABRIA: Okay. You make your way down the tunnel. I'm assuming, covering the light, like you mentioned, as you were passing air ducts and vents.

MATT: Right. Yeah.

AIMEE: (buzzing)

MATT: (laughs)

AABRIA: Go ahead, group check. Give me some perception checks. I've got your passives up here. Let's see if you can beat them.

AIMEE: Can I also cast Detect Magic?


AABRIA: Oh. My god, yes.

AIMEE: Yeah. Then do--

AABRIA: You have enough time, if you would like to ritually cast it.

AIMEE: Uh-huh.

AABRIA: So you don't burn a spell slot.

AIMEE: Yeah. I would love that.

AABRIA: We'll be walking for at least 10 minutes.

AIMEE: Okay.

ANJALI: Oh wow.

AIMEE: Yeah. I'm not going to use my coin on that. It could have been part of the plan, but no.




ROBBIE: That's so cool in here. It's two.

AABRIA: Oh, buddy.

AIMEE: Wait, what were we supposed to--


ANJALI: Perception.

AABRIA: Perception.

AIMEE: 18.


MATT: Dirty one.

AIMEE: Oh yeah!

ROBBIE: Oh my god.

ANJALI: At least it's a dirty one. At least it's a dirty one.

AABRIA: Two brain cells move betwixt the boys.

MATT: It's so chilly.

ERICA: 21.

AABRIA: Holy shit, yes.

MATT: You can see my breath. Woo!

ROBBIE and MATT: (exhale)


MATT: It's cold.

AABRIA: Ladies, the boys are.

AIMEE: ♪ Here's to the ladies who lunch ♪

ROBBIE: It's all up to you, ladies.

MATT: Yep.

AABRIA: The boys have failed in this most vital of tasks, but the three of you catch, first Mor, with your very good bunny hearing and then Fy'ra Rai and Opal, the sound of dust being kicked and someone slowly moving ahead of you.

ANJALI: Do they sound like they're moving away or sound like they're moving towards us?

AABRIA: It sounds like they are slowly moving forward. With that 21, Mor, I'm going to say the pace seems unhurried and probably 80 feet away.

ANJALI: When you say moving forward, though, you mean away from us toward the vault?

AABRIA: Yes. Well, it's not moving, The sound you're hearing isn't moving as fast as you, so you are catching up to it.

ANJALI: Right, right, right.

AIMEE: Okay.

ANJALI: So-- yeah.

ERICA: I want to just use a little stuff.


ERICA: Is there any way that I can get up to 30 feet? I guess, sneaky sneak up to 30 feet away from it?

AABRIA: Of course. I will advise because you've got dim light to about 40 feet away from you, correct? That you are going to want to exit his aura of light in order to sneak up.

ANJALI: Do you have darkvision?


ANJALI: I'm coming with you.

ERICA: Okay.

ANJALI: So we pause them.

AIMEE: I want to go with them, too.

ANJALI: I will put my cloak over my head. Can you see in the dark?


ERICA: Do I have--?

ANJALI: As these two are-- just keep an eye on these two buffoons. She's so angry right now, in general.

AABRIA: I love it.

ANJALI: We'll go ahead.

AIMEE: Oh, I'll send my little-- I'll send Ted 2 again.

AABRIA: There you go.

AIMEE: Ahem. Ted 2, again, go with the ladies. Love you. (kisses) (laughter)

AABRIA: You see her (squeaks) as it scampers down your body and is going to hitch a ride.

ANJALI: Hitch a ride. Actually, hitch a ride with her. I have fire for hair. I put it under--

AIMEE: Don't kill--

AABRIA: Hitches a ride on your shoe.


AABRIA: Loves a heel.

AIMEE: She can see in the dark.

AABRIA: Yeah, she can see in the dark. If you hang back, you can warg through it and have the benefits of darkvision as you look through.

AIMEE: Great. Love it. I love it so much.

ERICA: But can I see where this guy-- Because again, you said it's about 10 feet across?


ERICA: So I want to know when I'm 30 feet away.


ERICA: Okay. You sneak forward and you leave that aura of even dim light and you're in complete darkness. So you do not have darkvision, correct?


AABRIA: But you've got-- Yeah.

ANJALI: I'm with her.

ERICA: I use my-- oh my god. Wait, wait, wait.

AABRIA: (panting)

ERICA: It's called Thieves Cant. It's a secret mix of dialect, jargon, or code that allows you to hide messages in seemingly normal conversation.

AIMEE: Cool!

ERICA: It's takes four times longer to convey such a message. But I tell her in so many words, tell me when we're 30 feet away.

AABRIA: For what it's worth, she doesn't speak Thieves Cant.

ERICA: They have to speak it?!

AABRIA: You could just whisper. You could just tell her, close to her ear.

ERICA: Oh my god, I can cast Message.


ERICA: I go. (blows) (laughter)

AABRIA: I know you're loving using this cantrip, but the whispering you would do to cast the spell, you could just whisper the information.

MATT: It's cooler if it's a cantrip.

AABRIA: Okay. It's a cantrip. You do the cantrip and it's very cool.

ERICA: Oh wait, yeah, I could just whisper it.

ROBBIE: But then she doesn't understand you. (laughter)

AIMEE: Maybe you could sing it!

ERICA: Let's say for me, Message is always (blows), and they automatically know.

ANJALI: Stop doing that. She says out loud: Stop doing that!

MATT: Her magic is function over flourish. When she can, she tries to flourish--

ERICA: I really try so hard.

AABRIA: You're trying.

ERICA: I want to impress my new friends.

AABRIA: Aww, you do it.

ANJALI: A for effort and for style.

ERICA: Yeah, okay, so I'm sorry. I just know that took three minutes.

AABRIA: It was funny and perfect.

ERICA: As we're sneaking forward, I go: I don't have darkvision. I can't see in the dark. I don't know what darkvision is. I can't see the dark.

ANJALI: I reach back to her, I take her hand, and I put it on my shoulder.

ERICA: Yeah, okay.

ANJALI: I move forward with her.

AABRIA: Quick question.


AABRIA: Your hair's on fire.

ANJALI: No, no. It's under the cloak, I said.

AABRIA: All right.

AIMEE: She did say it.

AABRIA: You did say it.

ANJALI: I did say it. It's under the cloak.

AABRIA: You said it. You said it.

ROBBIE: Immediately, I pop up between the two of them and I go: What's going on, guys?

ANJALI: Shut it! (hushing)

ROBBIE: I go (shink), and I pull out my moon-touched scimitar, then light up the room.


AIMEE: Oh my god!

ERICA: I was trying--

ANJALI: We were-- we were--

AIMEE: That's an Opal move right there.


ROBBIE: I rolled a two on perception, I don't know anything's wrong.

ERICA: Stop!


AABRIA: Inspiration, as 30 feet away, a little bit of silvery, beautiful moonlight illuminates the hall and you see this massive form. The ceiling is about eight feet and this person's head is turned just to the side because maybe they couldn't stand up all the way.

AIMEE: Oh, for fuck's sake.

AABRIA: As they slowly turn, catching the glint of the light on the walls, you see the burning purple ember of a cigar between this half-giant's lips.

AIMEE: What?

AABRIA: As he inhales through his nose, not breathing cigar, but exhales through it, and the room suddenly fills with purple vapor that clouds your eyes and clouds your lungs--

ANJALI: Does he look like the description of the half-giant that I got from Jinoir?

AABRIA: What you catch before the room is filled with purple smoke is, yes, a half-giant, covered in these massive, dark metal piercings along his jaw--


AABRIA: His ears and through his nose and eyebrow. He sees you, and fills the room with smoke. Can I get a constitution saving throw from everyone, except for Dori-- Dariax? Damn it. I was going to make it.

AIMEE: You were going to make it!

ROBBIE: Hold on, hold on. You might want to say, "Except for Dorian," too, because as I see the purple smoke coming in, I take a big, deep breath and use Unending Breath.

AIMEE: I hate it here.

AABRIA: You don't need to make the con save, and you were standing far enough back that--

MATT: Now, Dariax-- you're cool, you saved it, also did not have to make--

AABRIA: Thanks. Your names are so confusing and bad for me.

MATT: Dariax is at the back, still breathing into the cold air, looking at it with his little spear, and doesn't even notice any of this happening.

AABRIA: You see a little bit of purple.

MATT: Whoa.


AABRIA: How'd we do?

AIMEE: That's a nine.


ANJALI: Oh. A 15.

AABRIA: Mm-hmm. You don't have to do anything.

ERICA: I got an eight.

AABRIA: Nine, eight, 15. You make it. You're not going to take any damage. You are going to take--

AIMEE: Wait, what kind?

AABRIA: You know what's coming. Eight points of poison damage.

AIMEE: I can resist it!

ERICA: She's immune to poison damage.

AABRIA: She's immune to the poisoned condition.

AIMEE: No! Spider Queen, we need to talk. You said poison damage--

AABRIA: You're resistant to poison damage, which means out of the eight, you're only taking four. But you don't get poisoned, which would be an extra condition on top of it.

AIMEE: Okay, so minus four.

AABRIA: Correct. You're going to take eight points of poison damage.

ERICA: I was doing the math.

AABRIA: It's all good!

AIMEE: Opal is ready to talk to the manager.

ANJALI: As soon as I see his face, I tear my cloak down, I go running forward, and I go, "What are you doing?"


AABRIA: Do you get in his face?

ANJALI: I get right in his face.

AIMEE: Oh my god, she's going nuts.

ANJALI: What do you think you're doing? She told us to come down, not you.

AIMEE: Yes, bitch.

AABRIA: Make an arcana check for me.

AIMEE: Yes, bitch.


AIMEE: Okay.

AABRIA: As you get in his face with this perfect bluff, you see the way he scans you, and even though your hood's thrown back, he seems to see through your cloak. As he blinks through this vapor, that arcana check will tell you that this smoke is not just a poison effect. But it's a magical effect, and he sees you. He sees you. You watch his gaze go across your tattoos. Your sister doesn't have those. He goes, "Oh no, no, no, no. You're not her. But I had no idea she had family."

ANJALI: I'm attacking.

AABRIA: I'm going to need everyone to roll initiative.

ROBBIE: (groans)


ERICA: If I Misty Step behind him, do I get an opportunity attack?

AABRIA: It wouldn't be an opportunity attack, it would be a sneak attack, but we're calling initiative before you get that.

ERICA: Ooh, I knew I should have--

AABRIA: Yeah, I know. Look, the moment someone says, "I do a hit," we start the fight.

AIMEE: I do a hit, okay?

MATT: I'm going to take this disadvantage, because I don't know what's happening.


MATT: Oh, hell yeah.

AABRIA: Okay, one second. Boop. ♪ I didn't make another one because I'm dumb. ♪

AIMEE: Plus three.

MATT: That's not too bad.

AIMEE: That's not the worst.

MATT: Still a nat four.

AABRIA: Oh no. I heard that, I got sad. 25 to 20.


ERICA: 22.


AIMEE: Nice!

MATT: Hell yeah.

ERICA: Today is being kinder to me.

AABRIA: All right. 19 to 15?

AIMEE: Yes. No, no, no, no. I'm 13.


ANJALI: Of course you added your--


AIMEE: Sorry.

ROBBIE: 17. (laughter)

AABRIA: The way the numbers came out of your face ended temporarily my ability to understand math.

AIMEE: I never had it!

AABRIA: I suddenly felt like, "Whoa, there's one brain cell, and it's grinding."

MATT: You hear an eldritch language.

AABRIA: (laughs) Yeah.

ERICA: It's grinding.

MATT: I rolled a (demonic noises).

AABRIA: Oh my god.

ANJALI: Is that Primordial? I speak that.

ROBBIE: It's Thieves' Cant, don't you know?

ANJALI: Oh yes, right.

AIMEE: Don't you speak it?

AABRIA: 14 to 10.

AIMEE: Me, (slurred) I've rolled a 14. (slurred) I've got talking problems.

AABRIA: Don't forget, you have to roll your familiar's initiative.

AIMEE: Ah, yes. Indeed.


AIMEE: What's her initiative? Let's see. It doesn't have. It's the same. Plus two or three. That bitch rolled. You said plus three?

MATT: Plus three. Her dex is--

AIMEE: Oh, it's a 16.


AIMEE: She goes before me.

AABRIA: Amazing.

AIMEE: All right, Ted 2.

AABRIA: Very good and useful, and Dariax, how'd you do, buddy?

MATT: I got a four.

AABRIA: Oh, buddy.

MATT: Checks out.

AABRIA: Okay, okay.

ERICA: Strong numbers.

AABRIA: Incredible.

ERICA: Strong numbers.

AABRIA: My bad boy ♪ rolled like shit. ♪

AIMEE: Clankety clank.

AABRIA: Womp womp. First up is Mor.

AIMEE: Less is more!

ANJALI: Get it!

ERICA: Ooh, ooh, ooh!

AABRIA: Less is more.

ERICA: I'm going to save for flavor, I'ma Misty Step behind him.

AABRIA: You use the spell slot?

ERICA: No, it's once per-- it's a fey thing.


ERICA: It's a fey thing.

AABRIA: Love it.

AIMEE: "It's a fey thing."

AABRIA: I'm so sorry for being insensitive. That's on me.

ERICA: It's a fey thing that I have once per long rest.

AABRIA: Yeah, cool.

ERICA: For flavors, I--

AABRIA: I love this flavor. Give me more.

ERICA: I am briefly surrounded by a silvery mist.

AABRIA: (laughs)



ERICA: Also briefly, you see me, then you don't.


ERICA: I disappear, and I then reappear behind this big man.

AABRIA: He's a very big man, okay.


ANJALI: He really is a big man.

AIMEE: You really are a big man.

ANJALI: You're really so big.

ERICA: He's such a big man.

AABRIA: Biggest man I've ever seen.

ERICA: I'm going to take my rapier.

AABRIA: Yeah, you are.

ERICA: Un momento.

AABRIA: We are honoring pack tactics and flanking.

ERICA: Okay.

AABRIA: I meant flanking, and not pack tactics, because you're people and not dogs.

ERICA: Does that mean I have advantage?

AABRIA: You have advantage.

ERICA: Yes, I don't have to--

AABRIA: On the roll.

ANJALI: I love dogs.

ERICA: That's amazing.

AIMEE: Isle of Dogs.

AABRIA: Also, I'm going to give you Inspiration for saying, "Now you see me." There's a new rule--

ERICA: I already have inspiration. Does that mean I have two inspirations?

AABRIA: No, you can only bank one, but I will say, if you can reference a heist movie in normal conversation for the rest of the session, I'll give you inspiration.

AIMEE: That's easy.

ROBBIE: Oh wow.

AABRIA: Just a dumb goof.

AIMEE: The Heist.

AABRIA: You have to do it in normal conversation.

AIMEE: Oh, Fy'ra Rai, ever seen The Heist?

AABRIA: Oh my god.

ERICA: Oh, I rolled an 18 to hit, plus seven.

AABRIA: Yeah, 25, absolutely.

AIMEE: How did you do that math so fast?


AIMEE: You did it so quick.

AABRIA: 80% of the job.

MATT: Mm-hmm.

ANJALI: Get it.

ERICA: Cool, so that's going to be... I only recognize my d8s. No, that's a d10! That's a seven.

AABRIA: Beautiful.

ERICA: Eight, nine, 10, 11. Then I get to add 3d6 to it.

AABRIA: Yes, you do.

ERICA: It's 11. Then three.

MATT: Rogues, man.

ERICA: Five. Plus a one. Plus a six.

AABRIA: So another 12 on top of it?

ERICA: Yeah.

AABRIA: For a total of--?

ERICA: Don't ask me that.

MATT: 13. 23.

ERICA: Wait, is it 23?

ANJALI: What was your first roll?

MATT: It's 11 plus--

ERICA: Oh my gosh.

AABRIA: It was six--

MATT: Plus 12, yeah, so 23.

AABRIA: It was 12 plus your first thing was seven, correct?

MATT: 11. Well, you rolled that--

ERICA: Eight, nine, 10, 11. Yeah.

AABRIA: Yeah, perfect.

MATT: The friends are the math we had along the way.

AABRIA: You all see, as she disappears in this swirl of silvery mist, and reappears on the dark side of this massive goliath, and just a little, "Oof."


AABRIA: As a little projection through his cloth, as your rapier pierces all the way through him. You pull the blade out, unseen, still in the darkness on the far side of him, mostly obscured by that purple smoke. Anything else?

AABRIA: You haven't used your movement yet.

ERICA: Oh. Yeah, I guess you're right. I-- I think I might take my-- I can take a bonus action, right?

AABRIA: Your Misty Step is technically a bonus action.

ERICA: Is it? Okay, got you, got you. I would like to use my movement to back out of hitting range.

AABRIA: I will warn you that backing away will incur an opportunity attack from him.


AABRIA: But I'll have him roll with disadvantage, because he wasn't facing you, and you used magic to get on the far side of him.

ERICA: Okay.

AABRIA: A swing back would be like a haymaker.

ERICA: I'm assuming his arms are super thick.

AABRIA: He's a thick boy.

ERICA: Probably can't really-- yeah.

AABRIA: Do you want to back away?


AABRIA: Okay. So you stay in melee?

ERICA: Wait, no, I do want to back away. Sure, yeah. Sorry.

AABRIA: I will make it--

ERICA: Mor made that decision very quickly though, for the record.

AABRIA: 13 plus four. Does a 17 hit?

ERICA: That's my exact armor class.

AABRIA: Meets it, beats it. As he swings back with a hand, not even the weapon he was slowly reaching for, and is going to backhand you. That's cocked. Six points.

ERICA: Actually.

AABRIA: (laughs)

ROBBIE: Uh, actually.

ERICA: Um, actually. I think I'm going to use-- Oh god. Where is it? I'm going to use Silvery Barbs.

AABRIA: As a reaction?

ERICA: Because no. He has to re-roll and use the lower roll.

AABRIA: Okay. I need to roll with disadvantage again. Fortunately, the lower roll was the original roll that still hit. So sorry. It was 14 and a 16.

ERICA: That's fine. Cool. Is that six points?


ERICA: Then I'm going to give Dariax advantage.

AABRIA: Amazing.

ERICA: He's next.

AABRIA: You want to break me off a piece of how you did it?

ERICA: I would say I think I'm going to block the attack, I get hit in the face, and then I go: Dariax... you're so big! (laughter)

AABRIA: Which is great. Go ahead.

MATT: He's still guarding the top of the spear light, because he's hearing things happening. What's up? Now exposes the light to the whole chamber. He goes: Oh, shit! He notices now there's a guy there.

AABRIA: That's great. You've called him. He didn't know you were in a fight. That's perfect.

AIMEE: We're in a fight.

ERICA: I've called him to his senses.

AABRIA: Yeah. (laughter)

ERICA: Yeah.

AABRIA: He looks over his shoulder as he hits you, and goes, "You're... new. Interesting. (sniffs) Huh." We're going to move to Fy'ra Rai.

ANJALI: She's incensed. Whatever you have done to her, whatever you have done to make her work with you, you will pay for it. You will pay. And she hits, and I'm assuming flanking. Both hits are with advantage?

AABRIA: Yeah, because you're right up in melee with him.

ANJALI: That is a 13 or a seven, so 15 plus eight is 23.


ANJALI: 15. 23.

AABRIA: 23 points of damage? Or 23 to hit on the second one?

ANJALI: Yes, both were 23 to hit, and then we have

AABRIA: Amazing.

ANJALI: 20 points.

AABRIA: Ooh boy.

ANJALI: Then I have my unarmed strike. Because I'm going to keep wailing on him, because I don't like him. Advantage. That is a... Athletics, eight. Sorry, strength eight.

MATT: Should have used the ki point for it.

ANJALI: Let's not use a ki point. Let's save that for a minute. Yeah, that's it.

AABRIA: Okay. Yeah. You put 20 points of damage into him. As you hit him with your quarterstaff, he takes it and then looks back at you, and leans in and gets down to your eye level and goes, "You want to know the truth? She's not under any kind of control. She chose this."

ANJALI: I spit on him.

AABRIA: "Well, now I understand why she never mentioned you. I'm going to leave your body down here to rot."

ANJALI: Do I have anything else I can do? I don't...

AABRIA: You can move.

ANJALI: No, I don't want to move. I want to be right up in his face. I don't want him to hit anybody but me.

AABRIA: Yeah, love it. Next up is Opal's familiar. No, sorry, Dorian's up, and then Opal's familiar.

ROBBIE: Cool. All right. I imagine he's down at the end of this hall, and then my gang is squadded up, Dariax in the back?


ROBBIE: Okay. I am going to do a little back handspring flip back to Dariax, and then land next to him and be like: Whoa, hey buddy.

MATT: Hey, what's up, man?

ROBBIE: Hey, are you ready to fight this guy down at the end of the hallway?

MATT: We're fighting this guy?

ROBBIE: I think so.

MATT: All right, yeah, let's fucking do it.

ROBBIE: Right, let's go.

MATT: All right!

ROBBIE: I will cast... first time.

ERICA: Cast Brotherly Love. (laughter)

AABRIA: That's a free action.

AIMEE: He will cast Bromance.

ROBBIE: You said the hallway is 10 feet wide. It's a good thing, because I'm going to cast Warding Wind. Around me, the wind starts to swirl in this sphere around me, and then I'm going to sprint down the hallway, and as I do, since there's a 10-foot area of effect, it dispels any gas or fog or vapor that's in the space.

ERICA: That's so specific.

AABRIA: Amazing. That's so good.

AIMEE: What the fuck?

ANJALI: I super dig that.

ROBBIE: As he runs, it sweeps down the thing, and you think I'm sprinting to attack him, but I'm not. I'm going to stop 10 feet from him, the area of the effect. The smoke goes out, and I'll just stare him in the eyes. I'm nine feet from him. (laughter)

ROBBIE: And he will be... Unfortunately, Fy'ra, too, because you're behind him, sorry. He'll be deafened, and then the terrain between him, I, and Fy'ra is now difficult terrain.

AABRIA: Amazing. He can't hear shit. That's so good.

ERICA: Not for me.

ROBBIE: You're behind him, so you should be clear.

AABRIA: You're okay.


AABRIA: Can you do me a favor and make an arcana check on top of all of this?

ROBBIE: Yeah, sure.

AABRIA: As you're interacting elementally with whatever was in the air.

ROBBIE: All right, dirty 20.

AABRIA: Dirty 20. You get a little bit of taste on the wind, and I don't know if you've ever experienced this before, but you know that the thing that he was peering through in this is a mist that gives him Truesight.

ROBBIE: Oh. Okay.

AABRIA: You can't hear what he says over the deafening wind. But he's looking at Opal and he's smirking, because he saw, with this Truesight, your true form.

AIMEE: Yeah, he did.


AABRIA: Okay. Anything else?

ROBBIE: No. I'm sorry you're deafened.

ANJALI: I have it.

AABRIA: It's all good. Go ahead. Your familiar's up, and then you.

AIMEE: Ted 2 again. I don't think she can do much, so I think she'll take her full movement.

AABRIA: She's riding on Fy'ra Rai's shoe.

AIMEE: Right, I know.

ERICA: She's deafened also.


AIMEE: And she's deafened.

AABRIA: Do spiders even have ears?

AIMEE: We don't know.

AABRIA: There's no way to know.

AIMEE: There's a sense.

MATT: The little spider's having a Twister remake over here.

ANJALI: We just found out--

AABRIA: Two of its eight legs are like.

MATT: Tiny cow goes by.

ROBBIE: Just tie yourself to a-- You'll be fine.

AIMEE: Yeah.

MATT: Strong belt.

AIMEE: I would like to send Ted 2 again out to see how close the vault is, and maybe she can take a look.

AABRIA: Do you want her to keep going down the hall?

AIMEE: I think so.

AABRIA: She's going to sprint down the hall. What's your spider's movement?

AIMEE: 20 feet.

AABRIA: 20 feet. If she takes the dash action, she can go 40. She's just skittering down. After 40 feet, she's still going.

AIMEE: She's still going.

AABRIA: This was not the end of the hallway.

AIMEE: Great.

AABRIA: Nicely done. What would you like to do?

AIMEE: How far am I from this big beast who's looking at me just so?

AABRIA: You can decide.

AIMEE: That's fine.

AABRIA: We're not doing this with a map, because it's just a little encounter.

ROBBIE and MATT: Mm-hmm.

AIMEE: Yeah. Okay.

ROBBIE: Mm-hmm! (laughter)

AABRIA: That's fine.

AIMEE: Maybe I'll save my thing--

AABRIA: No, definitely burn all of your stuff.

AIMEE: I'm not going to burn all of my stuff.

AABRIA: Do it.

ANJALI: Whatever you do, don't--

AIMEE: I would like to cast, I don't know, just because I want to try it, Toll the Dead on him.

AABRIA: Oh my god. Amazing.

AIMEE: Does that matter?

AABRIA: Ah, beans. Huh?

AIMEE: Does it matter?

AABRIA: Does what matter?

AIMEE: Can he hear anything? It's a toll.

AABRIA: Oh! He would hear it inside his skull.

AIMEE: Inside his head?


AIMEE: Okay. Great.

AABRIA: Does Warding Wind do anything to affect saves? Saving throws?

ROBBIE: I don't think so.

AABRIA: I don't think so.

ROBBIE: I'm going to say no, but give me a second. I'll double check.

AABRIA: I got a 17 on the dice.


MATT: This is a wisdom save.

AIMEE: Wisdom 15.

AABRIA: I got a natural 17.

AIMEE: It doesn't do shit.

MATT: Yeah.

AABRIA: Yeah, sorry. The only bad thing about cantrips is they're usually all or nothing. You don't get to give half damage on them.

AIMEE: Well, I think then, I'm fucked. That's all I can do.

ERICA: I see it's gone well.

AIMEE: What's that?

ANJALI: Don't you have a full action left, though? Is that a cantrip?

AIMEE: That was a cantrip.

AABRIA: That was a cantrip.

AIMEE: But--

AABRIA: Anything with your bonus action?

AIMEE: I suppose my bonus action, all I can do is use Misty Step. I'm not going to do that, because that's a spell slot.


AIMEE: I suppose I will just stay put.

AABRIA: Cool, yeah. About how far away from him are you?

AIMEE: I would say probably-- How far-- I'm sorry.

AABRIA: No, it's okay. It's hard to visualize all this.

AIMEE: Are we in a line?

AABRIA: Yeah, it's a fairly tight space.

AIMEE: Right, so we're in a line, so it's him, Fy'ra Rai, Mor is behind him.


AIMEE: Then these two are next to Fy'ra Rai, or just behind her?

ANJALI: No, he's nine feet away from the duder.

AABRIA: Yeah, 10 feet back. So the Warding Wind is hitting him

ROBBIE: Front and back.

MATT: I'm about probably 40 or so feet behind him.

AIMEE: I'm probably-- I want to say that I'm maybe, I guess, 40 feet, I don't know.

AABRIA: Yeah, could you say that. Totally. That has a nice long range.

ANJALI: We were with him on the spear and all that business.

AIMEE: Yeah.

AABRIA: Perfect. But yeah, so you sent it off. The cantrip doesn't work, but you see that despite it all, at the center of that maelstrom that Dorian kicked up, he is just staring at you and his eyes flick up towards your crown. Because he can see it with Truesight. He sees through the illusion.

AIMEE: He's scared.

ROBBIE: Oh, boy.

AABRIA: He doesn't look scared.

AIMEE: He will be.

AABRIA: He looks pleased.


AABRIA: Lusty!

ANJALI: Lusty!

AABRIA: Some lusty bread!

AIMEE: It's not new! People look at me. (laughter)

AABRIA: So he gets to go now.

AIMEE: Okay.

AABRIA: So we've got one in front and one behind.

ERICA: I have a quick Q.

AABRIA: Yes, of course.

ERICA: I keep forgetting that I have Uncanny Dodge. Can you use that on an opportunity attack as a reaction?

AABRIA: Oh. I think so.

ERICA: Okay. Well, I didn't because there's so much going on, but I keep forgetting--

AABRIA: Wait, Uncanny Dodge is for dexterity saves, correct?

ERICA: No, it's literally you can use your reaction to halve damage, and I keep forgetting.

AABRIA: Do you want to have retroactively done it?

ERICA: Sure.

AABRIA: Sure. I'll give you, you get one thing.

ERICA: Everybody gets one, right?

AABRIA: Everyone gets one! It's hard to remember all your stuff!

ERICA: Three points back.

ROBBIE: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

ERICA: Thank you! Thank you!

AABRIA: You're good!

ERICA: Yeah. Fancy.

MATT: Fantasy Mulligan. (laughter)

ERICA: Fantasy vodka, fantasy Mulligan.

MATT: That's the Brennan that's been chasing me in my nightmares.

AABRIA: Shut up, I was--

ROBBIE: Oh yeah. Oh, ho, ho!

MATT: I had a fantasy Mulligan dream again.

AABRIA: Just a Brennan Lee.

AIMEE: I don't know what that is, but I know Carey Mulligan. Not personally.

AABRIA: Same person.

MATT: Basically.

AABRIA: Truly.

AIMEE: A fun actor!

ANJALI: Brother and sister. Brother and sister.

AABRIA: Cool. He's going to go for both. First you. As he pulls out this massive warhammer that's actually not attached to the big bulbous base that is shaped like a ram's skull made out of heavy pewter, but it's floating on top of it. He lifts it out, and instead of swinging it in this small space, he wouldn't be able to pull it out to its full size, he actually kicks the front of it and it detaches. He is going to try to kick it into you. Does an 18 hit?


MATT: I'm sure it's fine.

AABRIA: Take five points of bludgeoning damage. Make a strength saving throw for me. Need to beat an 18.

ANJALI: Did not. Oh! It is an 18.

AABRIA: Oh, then you made it!


AABRIA: Sweet. Despite getting doubled over by this hit, that felt heavier than even the metal would suggest, you hold your ground and don't get knocked back.

ANJALI: That was five points of bludgeoning damage?

AABRIA: Yeah. I rolled bad. I won't twice.

AIMEE: I won't!

AABRIA: Then he's going to turn and attempt to grapple you by the throat with his off hand.

ANJALI: If he turns around, do I get an opportunity attack?

AABRIA: No, because he is not leaving your threatened range. He's just reaching back. He backhanded her, and now he's reaching back to try to, you know--

ANJALI: Dodge that shit!

AABRIA: -- ♪ Choke her ♪ I need you to make a-- I'll allow-- Well, it's a grapple check, so go ahead and give me a strength saving throw. (groaning)

AABRIA: You know, that thing I know you're very good at.

ROBBIE: You're so strong.

AABRIA: You have to beat--

ERICA: Yeah, I'm so strong.

AABRIA: -- a 22, because I got 16 on the dice.

ERICA: I got a nine.

AABRIA: You are held unkindly by the throat meat, and lifted--

AIMEE: Throat meat!

AABRIA: -- just four inches off the ground, so the very tips of your toes are brushing.

ERICA: Very tips of my little rabbit toes?

AABRIA: Your little rabbit feet are scrabbling at the ground, and you're grappled and held in the air. No damage.

ERICA: So wait, do I have to succeed a strength check to get out of that?


ERICA: I'm never going to get out of the that!

AABRIA: And maybe it was why he did it. Is maybe why he did it.

AIMEE: Oh, meanie!

ERICA: Maybe.

AABRIA: Is why he did it.

ERICA: Yeah.


ERICA: What do I have to roll?

AABRIA: So you're grappled, that's just what it is. You don't take any damage yet, but you are held. And that is his turn. Dariax, you're up.

MATT: All right, now seeing all this happen rapidly through this shifting wind tunnel space, I'm going to try and shout out, not knowing that he won't hear me, but I'm going to be like: (shouting) Stop holding our new bunny friend! And stop staring at Opal, it's rude! And I'm going to cast Blindness on him.

AIMEE: Yes! (cheering)

AABRIA: Oh my god, no!

ANJALI: Oh my god, yeah!

AABRIA: Matthew, no!

MATT: ♪ He's got to make a constitution saving throw, ♪ which is probably bad--

AIMEE: (scatting)

MATT: -- but we'll try.

AABRIA: His bonus is so high, but I got two on the dice.

ANJALI: Yes, Dariax!

MATT: Oh no.

AIMEE: Good job.

ROBBIE: Aw, yeah! (laughter)

MATT: I made her yeet a dice.

ROBBIE: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

AABRIA: Okay, what happens? What does it look like?

MATT: The compulsion of the magical effect creeping into his mind is just enough to get his attention back towards me. The last thing he sees before his eyes go to utter darkness is me just going-- (laughter)

AABRIA: Incredible.

AIMEE: Hilarious.

AABRIA: He is blinded.

ERICA: I think that's means his hands aren't working properly, too, right?

AABRIA: That's never been how Blindness works, but you know, we can say.

MATT: He can attempt to save again at the end of each of his turns.

AABRIA: He's low in the round.

MATT: That means everyone else has advantage on attacks against him and he has disadvantage on his attacks.

AABRIA: This is unfortunate.

ANJALI: Which also means-- Does that mean we have double advantage? Can you stack advantage?

AABRIA: No. Do not stack advantage.

ROBBIE: Quadruple advantage!

AABRIA: Calm down! (laughter)

ANJALI: I'm deaf. I can't hear.


ANJALI: What did you say, Aabria? I can't--

AABRIA: You can hear me! Incredible. Is there anything else you want to do with your bonus action or movement?

MATT: I'm going to move a little closer, get behind Dorian over there and be like: I got your back, buddy.

ROBBIE: (wind blows)

MATT: This is very cool, by the way.

ANJALI: He's very loud.

MATT: It's very cool.

ANJALI: Sounds like a helicopter.

MATT: Keep being you!

ROBBIE: Completely oblivious.

ERICA: Because I took an opportunity attack, right? So aren't I out of grapple range?

ANJALI: Oh, yeah!

AABRIA: That's fair.


AABRIA: Then he would have moved, so you get an opportunity attack. Oh, he's still going to choke you.

ANJALI: Oh, okay, but I do get an opportunity attack?

AABRIA: Yeah, get your opportunity attack in. Thank you for reminding me.

ERICA: Because I took that op attack.

AABRIA: Yeah, I super appreciate that and apologize for forgetting.

ERICA: No, you're fine. I forget everything.

ANJALI: That's a no. That's a no. It's a no.

AABRIA: You swing at him, but you're also buffeted by this insane wind and you're like, "What?"

ANJALI: I'm shocked that I can't hear anything.

AABRIA: Still holding you. Blinded. You're up.

ERICA: It's physically impossible for me to-- Because it's a 22 check, right? Strength check?

AABRIA: We have to reroll it every time.

ERICA: Okay.

AABRIA: So you can try again.

ERICA: Yeah, but I just can't.

AABRIA: Also, know that you can still attack while grappled.

ERICA: Okay! Yeah, I didn't know.

AABRIA: You would attack with disadvantage, but because you have advantage, it's just a normal attack roll.

ERICA: Oh, sick! Okay, cool!

AABRIA: So he just brought you into extra stab 'ems range.

ERICA: Yeah, cool. Great.

AIMEE: Stabbity-stab.

ANJALI: You did really good stabbing before.

AABRIA: Stabby stab.

ERICA: So... cool. I'm going to try to attack with my rapier.

AABRIA: Yeah. Okay.

ERICA: And I have advantage. Or no, it's a regular attack.

AABRIA: It's a regular--

ERICA: But I also have inspiration.

AABRIA: Inspiration wouldn't function as advantage if you're trying to use it for Sneak Attack.

ERICA: Oh, yeah. No, no, no. Yeah, yeah. Gotcha. Ah, a six!

AABRIA: You can burn your inspiration. I like letting people do it after when they're like, "That didn't go good. Let me try again."

ERICA: A 12... uh...

AABRIA: ♪ Do a hit ♪

ROBBIE: A little poke.

ERICA: A little poke.

AABRIA: He was going to be so mean, and then everyone was mean to him.

ERICA: Oh, thank god I rerolled. Eight, nine, 10, 11. That's a 11 pokey.

AABRIA: Nice! 11 poke 'ems. Not very kind. Very rude of you to have done that. How could you?

ERICA: I know.

AABRIA: Why are you like this?

ERICA: I don't know how I could.

AABRIA: Okay. Anything for your bonus action? You are still grappled.

ERICA: Wait, I can't use my Cunning Action to disengage with him, can I?

AABRIA: You have to spend your action to attempt to break the grapple.

ERICA: Oh, okay. Gotcha.

ANJALI: You can't use Misty Step to break the grapple, can she?

MATT: She already used it.

AABRIA: Yeah, she used it.

ANJALI: I thought it was a cantrip?


MATT: Misty Step is not a cantrip.

ERICA: Could I have Misty Stepped out of that if I hadn't-- Oh!


ERICA: Oh, I'm so angry!

ANJALI: That's right.

ERICA: Oh, I'm so mad at my-- Aw, that would've been so cool. I don't think that there really is anything I can do for my bonus action. I mean, I have two-weapon fighting.

AABRIA: Yeah, you can attack with your offhand, if you have a little dagger in your hand. Yeah, make an attack with your dagger.

ERICA: With my little, tiny dagger.

AABRIA: With your little, tiny dagger.

ERICA: My little, tiny dagger.

AABRIA: You're just a lil' guy.

ERICA: Just to see.

AABRIA: Might as well.

ERICA: Ah, a three! (laughter)

AIMEE: Ah, yes! That rocks!

AABRIA: The rapier was nice because it had that extra distance, but he's holding you in such a way that you're like--

ERICA: Yeah, I know, I'm literally like-- (gagging) Yeah.

MATT: Good looking out, though.

AABRIA: You just gently tickle him and he's like-- (giggles) But he can't hear it because he's deafened. But in this moment, you're held and panicking and regretting the flow order. You're like, "Oh, if I'd saved my Misty Step I could've been down and gone from here, and what's the ideal play?" You look out and you see this group. I don't know if you're comfortable calling them friends or how you would categorize them in your head, but you feel, and maybe this is a little bit of the air loss happening, a mild sense of calm, because you can trust them. This isn't great right now, but they're all here, and they are administering a full beat down. You think you're probably going to be okay.


AABRIA: Aw! Fy'ra Rai, you're up!

ANJALI: I'm wildly incensed after what he said to me, and she comes running up.

AABRIA: What, the truth?

ANJALI: He just ran away from her and I'm like, "Oh, yeah?"

AABRIA: He didn't run away. He stepped back.

ANJALI: Whatever. I'm coming after him.

AABRIA: Cool, I'm just saying don't paint this as anything other than a big cool boy.

ANJALI: 19 plus eight is a 27.

AABRIA: Yeah, that hits!

ERICA: That'll do.

ANJALI: And another 27. So that is-- 10 and

AIMEE: Use your good dice.


AABRIA: Mm-hmm.

ERICA: Oh my god. She's a tank.

AABRIA: ♪ Monks are ridiculous ♪

ANJALI: She's fucking pissed.

AIMEE: It's going to be dead!

ANJALI: Four plus five, right?

AIMEE: It's got to be dead!


AIMEE: What are you, dead?

AABRIA: You got to give me the totals because you were just murmuring numbers and I didn't know which ones to listen to.

ANJALI: Oh, I'm sorry. Okay, so--

AIMEE: Yeah, I lost track.

ANJALI: The second one was a seven. So seven plus five is a 12. Then the first one was a-- What did I say? Should I just roll it again? Yeah, I'll roll the first one again. The last one was nine.


ANJALI: 10 altogether. I mean 10, 12, and nine.


ERICA: Oh my god.


AABRIA: Amazing. He is looking very, very fucked up, but as that last hit doubles him over, he's still holding onto Mor, and he brings you, your feet touch the ground again as he leans down and he brings you down with him. He looks at you, and as his reaction he's going to, you see him hold his breath and push. All of those spikes push out two inches out of his face.

ANJALI: Is he Hellraiser?

AABRIA: A little bit.


AABRIA: A little bit. You suddenly feel gravity on you triple. I need a constitution saving throw. Need to beat an 18.

ANJALI: Oh, beat it.

AABRIA: Okay. You do not take damage, but until your next turn, you can only do an action or a bonus action. Your reactions are gone and your movement is halved as he drops this gravity bomb on you and says-- Aw, he's deafened. No, he can still talk, he just can't hear you. He's like, "You stay here, you die here."

ANJALI: I can't hear him, so I don't know what the fuck he said.

AABRIA: I love when you say a cool thing and then no one gets to hear it. Wa-wa-wa.

MATT: Well, at least he's making eye contact-- oh.

ERICA: I heard it, I'm right there.

AIMEE: She definitely heard it.

AABRIA: Thanks!

ANJALI: Okay, so I've lost any other options, and then on my next turn, I can only take one attack?

AABRIA: Mm-hmm.

ANJALI: Okay. But I have one action.

AABRIA: You can do an action or a bonus action. Reactions are gone, movement is halved. Dorian, you're up.

ROBBIE: Is he still grappling our bun bun friend?

AABRIA: Yeah, he got the bun bun.


ANJALI: Shut him down!

ERICA: He's got my bun!

ROBBIE: I'm going to drop the Warding Winds, now that we're just spread spelled. The first thing he hears in his ear is: You are not very nice, and I would like to ask you to let go of my friend, you asshole. And I'll cast Dissonant Whispers.

ALL: Yeah!

AABRIA: Amazing.

ANJALI: Get him, get him!

ROBBIE: That's a 14 for the save.

AABRIA: 19 on the die.

ROBBIE: Damn! Okay, well get ready to halve whatever this is.

ERICA: We are rude tonight.

ANJALI: Yeah, baby!

AABRIA: I love it! Be mean!

ROBBIE: 14 halved, seven. Well, six, or no.

AABRIA: No, it's seven.

ROBBIE: Yeah, seven. Sorry. I was trying to get myself--

AABRIA: Don't count yourself out.

ROBBIE: Trying to round down an even number, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Seven.



AABRIA: What does it look like?

ROBBIE: When I cast Dissonant Whispers into his ear? It's tender. Dorian Dissonant Whispers tenderly, because it floats on the breeze, straight into his mean little brain hole and he hears it and he just hates it, because he knows it's true: He's always been an asshole. (laughter)

AIMEE: He knows that about himself.

ROBBIE: It crumples his resolve and hurts him from the inside out.

AABRIA: He looks up at you. "I know what I am. Do you? You're wanted. Poska will pay dearly for you. (laughs)" He is bloodied and staggered by the, honestly, hurtful amount of onslaught and ass-whooping that you have applied, but he's still standing.

MATT: He also says all that about three inches to the left because he can't quite know where you are.

ROBBIE: Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. He can't!

MATT: He can't see you.

ROBBIE: He's looking over. (laughs)

ANJALI: He's going like this.

ROBBIE: "I can tell."

AABRIA: Yeah, he just turned in the direction of where he thought the whispers coming from. He's staring at Mor. (laughter)

AIMEE: She's like, "You're so big and strong!" (laughter)

ERICA: I'm like, "You're so big!"

AABRIA: Anything with your bonus action or movement, sir?

ROBBIE: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that's freaky. That's disturbing, so I'll use the rest of my movement to slowly back away next to Dariax. I'll put my arm on his shoulder, and say: Shut this guy up. And give him Bardic Inspiration.

AIMEE: Yeah!

AABRIA: Amazing. Okay. Your familiar, do you change the orders? Keep running?

AIMEE: Yeah, keep running, but I would like-- Can I see through her during her turn to see what she sees?

AABRIA: I'll allow it.

AIMEE: Okay.

AABRIA: So you very briefly warg in, and you see that as she's running another 40 feet to get about 80 feet away from where you are, looks about halfway to the end of the hall.

AIMEE: Okay.

AABRIA: That's only 160 feet. That's not that far.

AIMEE: No. But for a little spider.

AABRIA: Yeah, she's exhausted.

AIMEE: Does she see anybody? Anything?

AABRIA: No, there's no one else down here.

AIMEE: There's no one else. Okay. Thanks, baby.

AABRIA: You pop back.

AIMEE and AABRIA: (whining noises)

AABRIA: I don't know how spiders sound. You pop back into yourself and it is your turn.

AIMEE: It's my turn. Okay. I would like to do some Eldritch Blasting.

AABRIA: Do it!

ROBBIE: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

AIMEE: I'm going to flick it, well, I guess both of them.

MATT: You have advantage on these, too.

AIMEE: I do? Oh.

AABRIA: Yeah, you do.

AIMEE: I'll need it. (laughter)

AIMEE: Oh, I'll need it. Please be nicer. Okay. Wait, that's a--

AABRIA: So the first one is a?

AIMEE: Wait, I had advantage.

AABRIA: This is attack one?

ANJALI: That is the first attack.

AIMEE: That is the first attack. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I got to add seven.


AIMEE: So that's 15.

AABRIA: Doesn't hit.

AIMEE: Great.

ROBBIE: Go get him!

AIMEE: I'm not going to use this one anymore.

AABRIA: Yeah. You got to move on!

AABRIA: You can join--

ROBBIE: Yeah, new friends!

ANJALI: Put it in timeout.

AABRIA: -- the bad boy in the corner.

AIMEE: Okay, here we go.

ANJALI: You think about what you've done.

AIMEE: Believe in yourself, goddamn it! Here we go.


AIMEE: Okay. Wait. Okay, what's that?

AABRIA: You still have advantage.

AIMEE: I still have advantage. Wow. When am I going to get good at this? Oh!

ANJALI: There it is!

AIMEE: Okay, so what's that?

MATT: 24.

AIMEE: That's a 24. (laughter)

AABRIA: Absolutely hits.

AIMEE: Yeah!

AABRIA: So the first Eldritch Blast just glances off of his armor. His pauldron is leaned forward, as he thought he was delivering a very cool line to Dorian, but it was just to Mor. The second one connects. How much damage?

AIMEE: I'll tell you.


AIMEE: Here we go! Here we go-- Seven.

AABRIA: That's not bad!


AABRIA: He's not doing well is the problem.

AIMEE: Great.

AABRIA: My bad boy. Not doing good.

AIMEE: I would like to use my movement all the way, which is only 30 feet. So I guess that gets me 10 feet away from him, ish?

AABRIA: Yeah, you try to move past him and keep moving down the hall?

AIMEE: No, I want to get in with-- Well, I want to get close to him.

AABRIA: Yeah, you can get into melee with him.

AIMEE: Yeah.

ERICA: Like, emotionally?

AIMEE: Yeah, I want to get close.

ANJALI: ♪ I just want to get close ♪

AIMEE: I like piercings.

AABRIA: "I have so many."

AIMEE: I think that's my turn. I don't think I can do anything with my bonus action.

AABRIA: Yeah, anything with your BA?

AIMEE: That's my turn.

AABRIA: Cool, cool, cool. Next up is my bad boy, who can attempt to shake off blindness.

MATT: At the end of his turn.

AIMEE: Fuck.

AABRIA: Yeah. It's the end of my turn. (sighs) Bullshit. Okay.


AABRIA: He's still blind. What's the DC?

MATT: Oh, so he doesn't attack on his turn?


MATT: Okay. The DC's 15.

AABRIA: He doesn't make it.

MATT: Okay.

ERICA: Oh no.


ANJALI: Sorry, buddy.

AIMEE: We're sorry.

AABRIA: You're still grappled, but he didn't attack.

ANJALI: Yeah, you've been far too mean, buddy.

ROBBIE: He had such a cool intro, though, with the cigar--

AABRIA: He had such a cool intro. Yeah, it was going to be a whole thing.

ERICA: We deserve this after--

AABRIA: He just got truly--

ERICA: After the last--

AIMEE: We spent fucking 30 minutes trying to kill this motherfucker.

ANJALI: Also, after the taunting, he has to die.

MATT: I hate this guy. I want to see him go down. There's also a part of me that's like, "I feel you."

AABRIA: Yeah, where you're like, "Oh, he's going to have so many--" (grunts) Okay.

MATT: (laughs)

AABRIA: Well. Should've given him lair actions. Anyway! Dariax, you're up.

MATT: All right, all right. I'm going to push past Dorian a little at this point, the inspiration in my eye. I'm going to be looking at him close up. He's looking pretty hurt.


MATT: I'm going to glance over and make eye contact with you and be like: All right. Time to go ahead and show him what it's like to-- I lost the cool line I was going to make. Do what you want to do! I'm going to go ahead and--

AIMEE: Poor Mor.

MATT: I'm going to take Sacred Flame and hold my action and wait for your turn, which I believe you come up next.


AIMEE: Oh shit.

MATT: Focusing on the rapier that's in your hand, I'm take the Sacred Flame and see if I can get ready to surround her blade with divine energy.

AIMEE: Double punch that shit.


AABRIA: That's cool.

ERICA: What?

ROBBIE: Emotional support boyfriend!

ALL: Yeah!

AABRIA: Look, big rogue wife energy, and we love that. You're up.

ERICA: Okay.

AABRIA: What do you want to do?

ERICA: I don't-- Can I--

AABRIA: You're still grappled.

ERICA: I'm still grappled, yeah.

AABRIA: But you can still attack him. He's looking bad, and you see this coordinated eye contact moment between you and Dariax. What do you want to do?

ERICA: Can I still give myself advantage, use my bonus action for, what is it called?

AABRIA: Steady Aim?

ERICA: Yeah.

AABRIA: Look, I know how the rule is supposed to be, but I can't imagine steadier aim than being choked.

ERICA: Right? I agree. I agree.


ERICA: But I don't have-- Oh wait, but I do. I do, I have advantage. Okay, great, I'm good. I'm great, everything's fine. Everything's fine.

AABRIA: You're doing great.

ERICA: I'm doing great, I'm doing great. That's, ooh, that's a 17. Is that a hit?


ERICA: Oh god, really? That's a six.

AIMEE: Oh, papi.

ERICA: So mama does not hit.

AABRIA: Okay. You are swinging. I'm not going to do any damage to you, but you do feel lightheaded. Your vision is beginning to swirl. I haven't had him pushing damage into you, but he's been choking you this whole time. As your eyes water over, you see that glint of Dariax's radiant energy surrounding your blade, but you cannot find purchase on him. Anything else?

ERICA: I don't think I can do anything.

AABRIA: I don't think so, but I wasn't sure if you had something tricksome to do.

ERICA: Do I? Do I?

ERICA: I don't think so.

AIMEE: Do I not?

ERICA: I don't think so.

AABRIA: I don't think so.

ERICA: Yeah.


ERICA: Yeah.

AABRIA: All right, my man lives for a couple minutes longer.

AIMEE: You know what?

AABRIA: And that's great for me.

AIMEE: I could have added five to my fucking attack roll before.


AIMEE: Whoops. And I oops.

ROBBIE: And I oops.

AABRIA: And I oop. Dariax, do you want your Sacred Flame to go off, or do you want to hold it?

MATT: Nah, because I specifically put it on the blades, and the blades didn't connect--


MATT: So it just fizzles. I'm like: Next time, next time.

ERICA: I go (gags). (laughter)

MATT: Straight up.

AABRIA: Fy'ra Rai, you're up.

ERICA: The visual of this is--

AIMEE: Finish him off, honey.

ANJALI: So I have one action, right?

AABRIA: Yep. Or bonus action.

ANJALI: Or bonus action. She's going to take an attack.



AABRIA: Do you want to use your--

ANJALI: I can't.

AABRIA: You still get two attacks in a single--

ANJALI: Oh, I do still get two attacks?


ANJALI: Oh shit.

AABRIA: So in your action, you get two attacks.

ANJALI: Great, okay. Yeah, that's right. That's right, that's right. Okay, that's two natural 20s.

AABRIA: Oh my god! (cheering)

ANJALI: Who's got a phone?

AABRIA: Ah-mazing.

MATT: Love it.

AABRIA: That's so good.

MATT: Love it when it happens.

ANJALI: If only they were two separate natural 20s.

AABRIA: Yeah, that is a little-- That's a little hurtful that they couldn't have divided and conquered.

ANJALI: It's a little bit hurtful. Okay, so--

AABRIA: That's a crit, baby. Let's go!

ANJALI: Let's go. So crit is double?

AABRIA: So roll your dice, and then we're going to double it.

ANJALI: Okay. Let's use a new one. No, eight, eight, eight. That's not an eight.

AABRIA: The panic.

AIMEE: (French accent) The panic! Oh!

ANJALI: Eight. So it's 16.

AABRIA: 16. Now add any modifier to the very end.

ANJALI: Oh yeah, plus five for each of them. So do I add it--

AABRIA: No, it's just one hit.

ANJALI: Oh, so plus five. Okay, so eight plus five-- 16 plus five is 21.

AABRIA: Perfect. Fuck, he's not doing great.

AIMEE: He's still not dead?!

ANJALI: He's still not dead?!

AABRIA: He's a boss!

AIMEE: I've been saving all my shit for the bigger person to come.

AABRIA: I'll tell you-- No, I'm not going to tell you. He's staggered and barely holding on. But as you miss with your first and hit with the second, he turns blind eyes to you. And without making eye contact, "You're going to kill me without ever learning important truths. That's fine."

ANJALI: It is fine.

AIMEE: (laughs)


AIMEE: "Next!"

AABRIA: "You're going to learn the hard way. Okay." He coughs, and a bunch of black-- It's blood, but it seems stained with those pewter piercings. It's like an oil film on the top of his blood. And you're back up. You feel that gravity lessen on you, and you're back to normal again. Next up is Dorian.

ROBBIE: I'm close enough to hear what he said to her?


ROBBIE: All right. I can tell that you are incensed and not in your right mind. I turn to you and I say: I always thought you were the sensible one. I take two runs, and I'm going to jump on big boy's back and try to get him in a rear naked choke and grapple him back.

AABRIA: Amazing.

ROBBIE: A choke for a choke.

AABRIA: A choke for a choke, okay.

ROBBIE: But not, yeah, not with the intent to damage, just to restrain.

AABRIA: Yeah, all right.


AABRIA: Go ahead and make an athletics check.

ROBBIE: Athletics.

AABRIA: Against-- ooh.

ROBBIE: Fingies crossed.

ANJALI: Oh no, pretty boy.

AIMEE: Oh no, baby.

ROBBIE: I guess it's technically not an attack, so I don't get advantage. Yeah, that is a natural one.

AABRIA: Matt, I'm going to put this in your hands.

MATT: What?

ROBBIE: (laughs) "What?"

ANJALI: That's what you get for calling me not sensible.

AABRIA: He would have made a strength save against this grapple. Due to his blindness, would you say that strength save would be made with disadvantage?

MATT: I would say no because it's a feat of-- In my opinion, I would say it's a feat of strength that doesn't necessarily require vision to achieve.

MATT: Okay.

ROBBIE: But he would still feel me clambering up his back to try and--

MATT: Yeah, it's more like as soon as someone grabs, then it's strength against strength the force of it.

AABRIA: He also rolled a natural one. But if he doesn't have to use it--

ROBBIE: A one for a one?


ROBBIE: What happens? We both fail?

AABRIA: Well no. I don't have to use a disadvantage roll. That was the second roll.

ROBBIE: Oh, oh.



AABRIA: So you just grab him. I'll say that you're on there, and you've got him in the grip, and you feel him flex. You feel under your grip, once again those piercings extending out of the sternocleidomastoid, big muscles and tendons in his neck. He pushes you away a little bit as he hardens himself against you. I didn't like that sentence as I said it.

ROBBIE: I didn't either. I'm going to make it worse. I'm still slippery from the massage.

AABRIA: No! (laughter)

AABRIA: It's bad here.

AIMEE: He has an oil facial.

ERICA: Sliding around.

AABRIA: It's bad here.

ERICA: He's sliding around.

ROBBIE: Yeah, yeah, yeah.


MATT: Props for dropping some hundred-dollar words in that sentence, too.


ERICA: I was going to say, beautiful words.

ANJALI: Well done, well done.

ERICA: Oh my god.

AABRIA: Okay, your familiar is up. Do you want her to continue sprinting?

AIMEE: That little bitch is-- I was trying to make her useful, so she keeps on going.

AABRIA: Okay, she keeps on going.

AIMEE: Then I--

AABRIA: You're up.

AIMEE: She's not close to the vault yet? She's not there yet. No, no, that was halfway.


AIMEE: Okay.

ERICA: We try so hard.


AIMEE: Okay, so here we go. I'ma go for it because now I'm in melee range. So I would like to cast Green Flame Blade.

MATT: Mm-hmm.


AIMEE: You're going to have to walk me through this because it's very complicated.

AABRIA: Not a problem. Look at the flow chart.

AIMEE: I'm seeing it.


AIMEE: Here we go.

AABRIA: You say the words, "I use Green Flame Blade."

AIMEE: I use Green Flame Blade.

AABRIA: Make a melee attack.

AIMEE: I'm going to make a melee attack, which is what?

ANJALI and AIMEE: A d20.

AABRIA: That's a d20. You have advantage because he's still ding-dang blind.

AIMEE: Oh, that's pretty good. Okay. Do I add anything?

AABRIA: Yes, you're going to add your dagger. It's a plus seven.

AIMEE: Ah, yes, ah.

MATT: That's for your actions.

AIMEE: Actions, dagger, plus seven. That is a 16, 17, 18, 19, 20,

AIMEE: One second.

AABRIA: You're good.

AIMEE: It's thinking. It's piercing. It's an eight.

AABRIA: Okay, and now you add your Green Flame Blade damage, which I believe is a d8 plus four.


AIMEE: d8, wow. Here we go, baby.


AIMEE: Oh, plus four.


AIMEE: 11. Plus eight, plus the eight?


AIMEE: Plus eight, that's 19.

AABRIA: Oh, Opal, you never not do it. How do you want to do this? (cheering)

AIMEE: So where is he right now? What does it look like, where is he? He's choking my friend.

AABRIA: Choking Mor.

AIMEE: Okay.

AABRIA: You're-- (laughs) Dorian's a slippery-- I don't want it.

ROBBIE: I'm still trying.

AABRIA: I don't want it.

ROBBIE: I'm still trying.

AABRIA: It's bad, and I don't want it. (laughter)

AIMEE: Okay, so I'm going-- He slipped away. Opal, on the other hand, is not all lubed up. So she's going to-- (laughter)

AIMEE: She's going to climb on his back, and just the old tried and true. She's going to take her fucking dagger, and she's going to slice his throat open. There's something that happens with the flame, right? It jumps from the dagger into something?

AABRIA: There's no other enemies. So unless you want it to jump to your friends in melee--

AIMEE: No, I would-- Can it jump to his-- His eye?

AABRIA: Yeah. (laughter)

AIMEE: Okay, great. So he's like (spurting) Sorry, but let's go.

MATT: Yeah, yeah, oh yeah.

AABRIA: "Sorry, but let's go," is such a mood.

AIMEE: He's got the eye that's being burned. You can flourish it, but at the end, I would like to say: And that's on the Spider Queen. So she hears me because I am her champion.

AABRIA: Incredible.


AABRIA: Okay. I'm going to lean in a little bit--

AIMEE: Please lean in!

AABRIA: -- on this description. As the Green Flame reaches his eyes, it burns away the Blindness magical effect. So he gets to look up and see you, crown majestic--

ALL: Yeah!

AABRIA: -- as the truesight's still in his eyes. You say, "And that's on the Spider Queen." But he hears your voice and her voice as he slumps to the ground, and your face is the last thing he sees. Then he feels himself rising. I'm going to use-- If you don't mind me flourishing a little bit for you--

AIMEE: Flourish!

AABRIA: As the Spider Queen leans in and goes, "My champion. My good and faithful servant. How about a servant for you?" As your Accursed Specter triggers--

AIMEE: That's right!

AABRIA: -- and his soul rises up from his body and enters your dagger. You now have a specter--

AIMEE: That's right. I forgot that's a thing.

AABRIA: -- shaped like a half-giant.


AABRIA: That is now on the field under your control until your next long rest.

AIMEE: Yeah!

MATT: I forgot they had that.


AIMEE: Oh fuck, thank you.

ERICA: So freaking cool.

AABRIA: He rises up, looking like a skeletal, burnt-out version of himself. The darkest and most opaque parts of him are those metal spikes still protruding even in death from him, as he looks at you, and he bows.

AIMEE: You may bow.

ERICA: Somehow, he's still grappling me.

AABRIA: No! (laughter)

ERICA: He's got me off the-- still. I am dead. I'm dead.

AABRIA: He let you go. (laughter)

ANJALI: He's still slipping off his back.

ERICA: Then Dorian's still sliding around stuff.

ANJALI: He can't grab on to anything. It's so smooth.

ERICA: For all eternity now.

ANJALI: So when we see this-- When we see this, do we, like--

AIMEE: So fucking rad.

ANJALI: I've never seen it before.


ANJALI: So I'm-- I'm going to stagger back, not sure of whether I'm supposed to attack that thing. I see it bow to her--

AIMEE: Don't attack him. Don't attack him. It's from the Spider Queen. She's a really nice person. You guys should know that.

ANJALI: She's in full spidey look right now?


AIMEE: She's a really nice person, I swear. We're kind of best friends.

MATT: She's not a person, I don't think.

AIMEE: No, kind of a god, but she's a really nice god.

MATT: Okay.

ANJALI: I'm going to get on my knees and start searching his body for anything useful--


ANJALI: Any information.

AABRIA: Give me an investigation check. You're also close there. Do you want to make an investigation check, too?

ANJALI: Yeah, someone else make that--

ERICA: (gags)

ANJALI: Someone else, please, make an investigation check because I did not investigate well.

AIMEE: You must have been choked for like two minutes.

AABRIA: I'll give you advantage because you had plenty of time to size him up.

MATT: Don't make me do it. I'll end up putting more things on his body.

AIMEE: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

ERICA: Oh, I rolled a natural 20. (cheering)

AABRIA: Incredible.

ANJALI: Mor found his DNA. She's like, "I know he is sensitive to caffeine."

AIMEE: All his food allergies and shit.

ANJALI: Yes, exactly.

ERICA: I'm like-- (gags) But I see everything, so that's great.

AABRIA: So yeah, you see this massive, incredibly heavy, burly-looking mace with a ram's head. That's the thing in his hands, but he's got pockets all over him. I'm happy to give you an amount of gold, but is there anything particular Mor would be looking for on him? This is one of the main lieutenants of the Nameless Ones. I'm happy to give you a big thing if you can tell me what she would care about in this moment, as she's searching over his corpse.

ERICA: Any kind of map, any kind of location-centric thing, that would help me to identify people or identify different hideouts or anything like that.


ERICA: Yeah.


ERICA: Yeah.

AABRIA: That's good.

ERICA: It's not gold I want.

AABRIA: He's a big-- Yeah, you can pocket about 10 platinum worth.

ERICA: I mean, I'll take it.

AABRIA: Yeah, whatever, don't not take money. But yeah.

ERICA: Or a list of names or something.

AABRIA: He's a burly man, and he's not the smartest being. So yeah, he has a notebook on him that he was a diligent note taker in Nameless One staff meetings, in all-hands.

AIMEE: Oh yeah.

AABRIA: He's got a list. They are holed up in the Dragon's Hoard, which is another casino that you have interacted with probably two or three months ago. He calls Poska by name. You see the name Poska a bunch, and it's underlined because it's important.

ERICA: I don't know who Poska is.

AABRIA: You don't, but you're able to pick up from context clues that she's the leader because she's always mentioned in decision-making capacities, like, "Poska wants this," and, "Poska sent me to go find the vault." And--

MATT: Or, "Poska notices me."

AABRIA: Yeah. (laughter)

AABRIA: She's really cool. (laughter)

AIMEE: Mr. Poska--

AABRIA: Yeah, 100%. There's some doodles and--

ERICA: Little hearts.

AABRIA: What-if.

ERICA: It's a notebook?

AABRIA: Yeah. You know, a little mean drawing of a faun that's scratched out. (laughter)


AABRIA: Yeah. You've got numbers that, they came to Kymal 1,400 strong, and they've doubled their numbers in the city.

ROBBIE: Sheesh.

ANJALI: Oh my god.

ERICA: I would say that I'm probably reading all of this out loud--

AABRIA: Cool, cool, cool.

ERICA: -- as I--

AABRIA: Then finally, that his goal was to find the vault to see if the brumestone is being kept there. So you know what she's after.

ERICA: Okay. I can headpocket most of this stuff, right?

ANJALI: Yeah, for sure.

ERICA: Okay, so I would like to walk over to Fy'ra and give her the notebook.

ANJALI: You've read it out loud already, so we know the things.

ERICA: Yes, but if there's anything else in here that could be helpful to you in the future, you should keep it.

ANJALI: Thank you.

MATT: So he kept a journal, a bunch of notes about his secret stuff?

ANJALI: Can I start flipping-- I'm going to flip through real quick and see if there's anything about Fy'ra Kai?

AABRIA: Yes, there's notes about what her strength set is. He's got a bit of a Batman complex like, "If I have to fight her, here's how I would win that fight."

AIMEE: Oh my god. (laughter)

AABRIA: It's basically like a bad guy bullet journal.

AIMEE: He has taken the time for the calligraphy as well.


AIMEE: February. (laughter)

AIMEE: But first, coffee. (laughter)

AABRIA: Yeah, it's in Live, Laugh, Love font.

ANJALI: Excellent.

AABRIA: It's crazy.

ANJALI: Excellent. I love this guy more and more.

AABRIA: She's mentioned a bunch in--

ERICA: "Do you think I have too many?"

AABRIA: -- a very ruthless people mover, that her job is corralling the large masses of Nameless Ones to do things and keeping tabs on the ones that are sent undercover in places.

ANJALI: Okay. Just because, I'm still going to try to use the Gift to see because I'm like, "He was magic. Maybe I can find her again. Maybe I can--"

AABRIA: I'm not going to make you roll.

ANJALI: Okay, so can't.

AABRIA: She can't be detected.

ANJALI: Got it. We should move forward quickly. We've made a lot of noise.

AIMEE: Okay.

MATT: That's a good call. All right, all right.

AIMEE: Can I see-- My spidey still sees nothing.

AABRIA: No, she's doing great. I'm going to say by this time with the looting everything, she's at the very end.

AIMEE: Okay. When do we see--

AABRIA: But you hear--

AIMEE: -- Ted 2 again?

AABRIA: She's just out of your telepathic range.

AIMEE: Oh well.

ANJALI: We'll start--

AIMEE: Okay, well, I'll start walking.

ERICA: Yeah.

AABRIA: Yeah. And then you quickly, because you walk in people steps. That once you hit that hundred-foot range she's like, "Hey, hey, hey, I found the end. I did a great job."

ERICA: (sneezes)

AIMEE: What does it look like?

ANJALI: Bless you.

AABRIA: Do you warg into her, or, do you just wait the and then hops onto your-- She even runs up and--

AIMEE: Thanks, baby.

AABRIA: Reattaches herself to your earring, and you are at--

ERICA: Oh, it's fine. It's fine.

MATT: I going to cast Cure Wounds level one at you. Just going to get that situated. That'll be nine hit points.

ERICA: Oh my goodness.


MATT: All right, we're tip top and good to go. Who's leading?

ANJALI: What does the vault look like?

AABRIA: You are now at a massive steel door. It's just a door.

ANJALI: Is there a lever?

AABRIA: It's the entire-- Yeah, it's the entire width of this tunnel, eight feet tall, 10 feet wide. Yeah, let's go with the big, turny, captain ship wheel. Look, I could have looked up anything about how a door works, but I won't.

AIMEE: But we won't.

MATT: Doors are mysterious in this land. They're dangerous and mysterious.

AABRIA: The biggest boss fight I could offer was just: Here's a mean door. What do you do? We'll be here forever.

AIMEE: Can I detect any magic on the door? Is there any kind of spell protecting?

AABRIA: Are you recasting Detect--

AIMEE: No, I thought I had already cast it, but I never found out.

AABRIA: Yeah, it's been less than 10 minutes. Yes, you see that this door is magically trapped with some glyphs at the very corners of it.

AIMEE: I have a glyphs thing. She points them out to the group so you can do a thing.

ERICA: I think I planned for this.

AABRIA: Okay. (cheering)


AABRIA: Let's go.

ANJALI: ♪ Dee dee dee ♪

ROBBIE: Your time to shine.


AABRIA: Break me off a quick rundown of how you planned for this. And if we flash back to something, we'll flash back to it.

ERICA: Okay.

AABRIA: But generally speaking, how did Mor account for this vault door?

ERICA: Okay, I would say that this vault door is probably similar to other vault doors that she's seen.

AABRIA: Absolutely.

ERICA: Okay. She somehow has figured out how to get rid of them glyphs, because she's seen other doors with glyphs on them. I think when she saw the blueprint, she stayed up some of the night. She definitely got her long rest.

AABRIA: Yeah, of course.

ERICA: But she stayed up some of the night devising a way to disarm the glyphs and open the door.

AABRIA: Amazing.

ERICA: And I don't know what's even flourishing any more.

AABRIA: I love it. We don't need a full flashback to this, but we do jump back and see you poring over the blueprints, putting it together. We get flashes of the other casinos you've hit that have had smaller, weaker, shabbier versions of this. The very first casino you went to, you could honestly use your normal thieves' tools to break into and bypass. You realize that as you were hitting bigger and bigger joints, you would have to commission stronger and stronger tools. The set of thieves' tools you have now, on top of your regular ones, each piece is a foot wide. It's made of this magically guarded and warded symbol covered metal. This is the strongest door you've dealt with, but what's a little harder when you've been practicing for-- how long have you been here?

ERICA: In Kymal?


ERICA: I've only been robbing casinos for three years.

AABRIA: Correct.

ERICA: Yeah, so three years.

AABRIA: You've been here your whole life.

ERICA: A really long time.

AIMEE: That's not nothing.


MATT: Yeah.

AABRIA: You've made friends and you've talked to powerful spellcasters that know how to interact with glyphs.

ERICA: It's one thing to pick a lock of a door, but it's another thing to figure out how to pick a magical lock.

AABRIA: 100%. You all see as you call out the magical traps in the corner. Mor steps confidently to the front, your black cloak billowing behind you. As you immediately pull out this awl looking point. You go up and you slash through the glyphs in all the corners, disrupting the magic that comes from the shapes that they make. That the sigils are the important thing, and you scar and disrupt them.

ERICA: It's like a Glyph of Warding, right? It's like a really thicko, thicko, thicko Glyph of Warding?

AABRIA: It's not quite a Glyph of Warding, because messing with those usually sets them off.

ERICA: But I'm too cool.

AABRIA: But you're too cool, yeah.

AIMEE: She's too fast.

ERICA: I'm too fast.

AABRIA: Yeah, I will say that these are something a little bit different. And a little bit meaner.

ERICA: Okay.

AABRIA: You absolutely deactivate them. Then begin to work on the door with these perfect tools.

ERICA: Okay.

AABRIA: As we come back up to the present in full speed leaving bullet time, I need you to make a thieves' tools check. So you're going to make a dexterity check.

MATT: She just took out those thick glyphs like that.

AABRIA: Plus your proficiency, and I'm going to give you advantage, because you've done this before.

ERICA: Wait, what does that mean plus my proficiency?

AABRIA: So your proficiency modifier should be in upper right column?

ERICA: Left. Oh, so plus seven.


ERICA: 14, oh, did you say advantage?

AABRIA: Yeah, with advantage. Also, if anyone wants to help her in this moment of concerted--

ERICA: Oh, okay. A dirty 20.

AABRIA: Ooh, with a dirty 20, you begin the work. This is a very heavy lock, but you are maneuvering it, and you realize that the pins that you're moving, you are doing it. It's going to take a little while. So as you are successfully prying this lock mechanism open, I'm going to need you to make a second check, still with advantage.

ERICA: Okay. Let's ignore that.

AABRIA: Look, I can't see it, so it's fine.

ERICA: Should I reroll it?

AABRIA: Was it good?

ERICA: Let me reroll.

AABRIA: Yeah, okay.

ERICA: No, well.

MATT: No, no, you've got to roll again. (laughter)

MATT: Once you choose the rule you got to stick with it.

ERICA: No, we can keep that one. (laughter)

ERICA: That's a 20.

ROBBIE: Quadvantage.

ANJALI: Come on.

ERICA: That's a 23.

AABRIA: There you go.

ROBBIE: Is it, though?

ERICA: It was. (laughter)

ERICA: I should go. I'll see myself out. (laughter)

ERICA: I'll be in my bunk.

AABRIA: Roll a d10 for me. You want a low number.

ERICA: I want a low number?

AABRIA: Yeah, I'm trying to coach your dice to be helpful.

MATT: That's a one.

ERICA: Is that a one?

MATT: Well, you rolled on the hundred sider, so it's technically a one.

ERICA: Oh, it's a one.

AABRIA: Okay. It's going to take you a full minute to do this, which feels like forever given how crazy fast combat goes. But you guys watch as Mor makes incredibly quick work of the scariest door that any of you have ever seen. It swings open, and a vault stands in front of you.

ERICA: Can I bunny kick it open?

AABRIA: Oh my god. What if it swung this way? I like that for you. No, stop it. The fiction is great. You kick it, and it bounces and swings open. You're able to gracefully step up as it opens behind you, and gesture full showgirl style.

ERICA: I'm still wearing my showgirl feathers.

AIMEE: Yes. (loud agreement)

MATT: Yep, you and me both. (laughter)

AABRIA: You got killed by big bad in feathers.

ANJALI: All three of them.

AABRIA: Damn it.

ANJALI: I love it.

AABRIA: Hurt-ful. As she gestures, and you guys see a vault filled with 50,000 gold in front of you.

ANJALI: Do we see any brumestone?

AABRIA: No. Make an investigation check.

ERICA: Should we all?

AABRIA: Yeah, everyone that wants to go touch the money can go touch the money.

AIMEE: I want to touch it.

ERICA: 14.

AIMEE: Oh fuck, no, I don't. (laughter)

AIMEE: Oh wait. Investigation?

MATT: I'll do it for fun.


AIMEE: Oh well, good, six.

AABRIA: Oh, buddy. How'd you do?

MATT: Five.

AIMEE: A six.

ERICA: 14.


AABRIA: You do a thorough check of the premises, and you don't see any brumestone. However, you do know where the brumestone is. It's not hidden the vault.

ERICA: Yeah, yeah. It's holding it up.

AABRIA: Correct.

ANJALI: All the brumestone is there, gotcha, gotcha.


ANJALI: I wasn't sure if there was a secret stash too.


AIMEE: Well, let's start packing it up.

ANJALI: I turn immediately to Dorian. This is your chance. Let's start for your brother.

ROBBIE: As much as I would like to take all of this money, which it looks to be close enough.

AABRIA: It's a 20K bounty, yeah?


AABRIA: 40! (laugh) Oops.

ROBBIE: We just made things a lot more difficult.

ANJALI: Is there any platinum in there? Do we see platinum?

AABRIA: It's a mixture of coins. I'm giving you the full total, but it's silver and gold and...

ANJALI: But they're not separated by--

AABRIA: No, it's kind of junkily put in there.

ROBBIE: I certainly didn't do this by myself, in fact it wasn't even my idea.

ERICA: It's okay.


ERICA: It's okay.

ROBBIE: What's okay?

ERICA: You can have the 40 and I'll take the 10.

MATT: That seems fair.



AIMEE: Mm-hmm. You're poor.

AABRIA: (laughs)

AIMEE: We're trying to help you.

ROBBIE: Yes, yes, I forgot I'm super duper poor.

ANJALI: Dorian, we all came here to see you, when you called to us and when you told us the situation with your brother. Do you think we don't care more about you than money?

ROBBIE: Yes, yes, but what do you need this money for?

ERICA: I already have a bit of a stash. I want to leave this city different than the way I found it. As long as this gold is out of this vault, I did my job.

AABRIA: Mor, you're explaining this calmly, but you're aware strangely as you perceive yourself that your heartbeat is rising. You hear the very edges of bird song. At just the very edge of your hearing. What do you do?

ERICA: I don't know what it means. I don't what it means.

AABRIA: You're good.

ERICA: Okay. We should go. We should grab it and go.

MATT: There's a lot of coin in here.

ANJALI: As much as we can carry.

AABRIA: Question, how the fuck you are carrying this much gold?

AIMEE: Somebody planned for it. (cheering)

AABRIA: Let's go.

ROBBIE: ♪ La la la ♪

MATT: Last night, when everyone was bedding down, I'm sitting there in my head I'm like, "All right. Wait, no, I've stolen stuff before, and I can't tell you how many times I've gotten there and realized there was too much shit to take back."

AIMEE: Didn't have a bag.

MATT: So what we need is a lot of bags. I'll be right back. I went used my disguise cloak to look like-- I'm going to say that I look like one of the elf bastards that we fought in the Verdant Expanse. Act a little snooty, walk around and be like, I'm here on Syngornian business, and I need to acquire as many strong but durable bags as I can to bring back. This is a good trade opportunity for diplomatic relations and such with the people of Syngorn. Give me bags.

AIMEE: Give me the bags.

AABRIA: Amazing.

MATT: So I bought a bunch of bags.

AIMEE: Yeah, yeah, Dariax. (laughter)

MATT: Yeah.

AABRIA: You are walking through The Wish Fulfilled, this beautiful, luxury, 24-hour outdoor market. That if you had ever spent any time overseas in Marquet, looks very much like the Suncut Bazaar in Ank'Harel. Did I say that right? Probably not, it's fine (laughs). Yeah. As you're walking and announcing that this is a trade opportunity, you need a bunch of bags. You see this-- Short, you can't tell if they are a goblin or just a very short, incredibly old woman who reaches up and tries to grab for your fancy robes and misses, but adjusts her glasses and she thinks it's her problem. She says, "What about a magic bag?"

MATT: They make those?

AABRIA: "Yes, aren't you from--"

MATT: Yes, I am. The magic bags that we have aren't as good as the ones from Kymal, I hear, so if you have magic bags available then it would be great for my Syngorian bosses.

AABRIA: "Do you have papers? To prove, because I would be happy to set up a good relationship. But I just need to know that you're on the level."

MATT: Of course, of course, I am on the level. Can't you tell by my thick Syngorian accent?

AABRIA: "It's a very strong accent, yes, okay, okay."

MATT: But yeah, I can provide some papers. I'll return from my hotel room where I left them, as I am but staying briefly in town as a representative.

AABRIA: "Yes, this all seems legit to me. I'm here at my booth."

MATT: Then I will return shortly. You're open late?

AABRIA: "I'm never closed. I drink so much coffee." (laughter)

MATT: Rush back, not rush back. Briskly arrogant walk my way back to the hotel room. Rush in there. Anyone have paper and then a pen real fast? I think I got an opportunity. Which I bust in not realizing I hadn't changed back from the elven form. Like, I'm sorry. It's just me. It's me. (laughter)

MATT: Sorry, paper, pen, somebody? Parchment, something.

ROBBIE: There's got to be somewhere. I don't have any on me.

AABRIA: Cyrus actually presents you with some very fine business letterhead from home.

MATT: Brilliant, awesome. I need someone to also write me a diplomatic letter.

AABRIA: "Hand it back." (laughter) Okay, what am I writing? He pulls out a quill.

ROBBIE: That's his job.

MATT: I am masquerading as a representative of Syngorn, who was here on--

ANJALI: Write his exact words.

AABRIA: "No, I am--"

ANJALI: He is--

AABRIA: "Look. That's a good note, thank you." He puts his sheet of paper under his butt, and he starts over again. (laughter)

MATT: Give him the overview, the general idea.

AABRIA: He adds flourishes, he tries one more time and he realizes he could probably write this in Elvish.

AIMEE: Better.

AABRIA: He speaks Elvish. He's like, "Okay. Hold on." And presents you with this beautiful calligraphied set of papers that says what you agreed on.

MATT: All right, I'll trust you because I don't read Elvish. Thank you.

AABRIA: "Oh yeah, that's good."

MATT: All right, be right back. Back through the streets. And as promised my papers.

AABRIA: She puts them to her face and adjusts her coke bottle glasses.

MATT: It's Elvish.

AABRIA: "I don't speak Elvish. But that makes sense because you're from-- Okay, okay, okay." She folds them up very lovingly, and tucks them into the pocket. "I can give you two Bags of Holding, if you promise to return. We can establish some sort of deal. I would love to make you give me money for goods."

MATT: But of course. What would that cost me at the moment? As, let's say, a down payment of our interest in this matter.

AABRIA: "Look, I understand that money offends elves, I'm so sorry. So how about this is gratis, and then we can work out a deal later if you remember my kindness now?"

MATT: Dariax wrestles with it, knowing that the bags aren't probably returning. He's not returning with anything, he goes: By the love of the elves and your eagerness in helping.

AABRIA: "Oh my god."

MATT: I will--

AABRIA: She genuflects. (laughter)

AIMEE: I don't know, is this right?

AABRIA: Is this good?

MATT: Here's 50 platinum.

AIMEE: Oh my god.

MATT: Thanks of your time.

AIMEE: Oh, Dariax.

AABRIA: "That's so kind. That's the third of one bag, but sure, I get it."

MATT: That's fine, that's good.

AIMEE: That's insane behavior.

MATT: For me, it's perfect.

AIMEE: It's perfect for Dariax.

ROBBIE: You weren't at the tables last time.

AIMEE: Dariax's autobiography is like, "Dariax and the Magic Bags." (laughter)

AIMEE: It's just this story, and it's written in crayon.

AABRIA: "Your kindness has been noted, your liege. I look forward to--"

MATT: It is, indeed, my liege. (laughter)

AABRIA: But she hands off two Bags of Holding.

MATT: Thank you (speaks in fake Elvish). Something that sounds Elvish, I don't know.

AABRIA: "Did you hear, did you hear that?" There's another elf staring at this woman and at you. But she doesn't say anything, because she also sells magic items. So she's like, "(scoffs) Fleeced."

AIMEE: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

AABRIA: "Fuck it." (laughs) And we cut back.

AIMEE: Nice. (clapping)


AIMEE: Dariax! (cheering)

ERICA: Look at him go.

ANJALI: Amazing.

MATT: I didn't get her name. (laughter)

AIMEE: Dariax and the Magic Bags.

ANJALI: Let's fill them up.

ROBBIE: Yeah, let's go.

AABRIA: Yeah, so you are piling money into these bags, and as you're going, that birdsong gets louder and louder. As you're moving across the room, you notice that it gets louder as you move to the eastern edge of the room into a little darkened corner.

ERICA: Oh, let me investigate the corner.

AABRIA: We're playing hot and cold, as you get warmer, the birdsong gets louder and becomes frantic and goes from singing to a frenetic, almost earsplitting caw.

ERICA: Do I see anything around?

AABRIA: Yeah. I'm not going to make you roll for it because you are being directed there, and you see tucked up in the corner the only thing in here that isn't gold, or money, just that isn't money, is this chiseled away piece of pristine white marble that looks like a bas-relief of a human feminine face. Very symmetrical, almost mask-like. There's intricate carvings of feathers extending out away from the edge of the face, all of it in that same pristine white marble, but the feathers curl out, and it's so finely carved that a lot of them have been shattered away. So just the ones that were laying flat let you know that those were feathers to begin with. Underneath, in the place where words would be, name would be, you feel almost sickened as your eye slides across it and your eyes well up and blur and you cannot perceive whatever is under it. What do you do?

ERICA: I'd say I turn to everyone else. My eyes are all blurry?

AABRIA: Just when you're trying to look in that space below.

ERICA: Of the actual statue?

AABRIA: Your brain does not want to stay in that area, and on top of that, I'll say even as your fingers run across it, you feel a jagged cut, as if something was scratched and scarred away, but your eyes can't see it. Your brain refuses to perceive whatever's written under that face.

ERICA: I think I'll take it and put it in the Bag of Holding, right?

AABRIA: As you begin to put it in, the cawing gets louder.

AIMEE: Do we notice?

AABRIA: Make a wis-- I mean, yeah, you see her beginning to like, I guess pale is hard when you're a bunny, but her ears are low and she seems almost trembling and shaking.

AIMEE: Are you okay?

ERICA: I can't see under this. Can anyone--

ANJALI: Whatever it is, put it down, out of your hands.

ERICA: I put it down, reverently.

ANJALI: I immediately am worried that it's like the circlet.

AIMEE: Can I try to see? Can I try to read what it is?

ANJALI: You still have Detect Magic up, right?

AIMEE: I do. I have Detect Magic up.

AABRIA: If it's still up, I need you to make-- What would that be? Let's call it a wisdom saving throw.

AIMEE: Okay.

ERICA: Do I need to make a save?

AABRIA: No, you're okay.

AIMEE: Oh, she's very wise. Opal, you'd never think. That's 13.

AABRIA: You take six points of psychic damage.



AABRIA: As the raw magic coming off of this, it gives you a flash migraine, and you have to turn away from it. You go to put it reverently on the ground and the cawing gets louder.

ERICA: I pick it back up.

AABRIA: Give me-- What is this check? Give me an insight check. As your songbird, this little token to you, has gone from singing to screaming.

ERICA: 13. Or no, 14.

AABRIA: 14. That frenetic cawing--

ERICA: Oh no, I'm sorry. Wait, 15.

AABRIA: Oh, okay. Sweet. Hey, you hit the DC.

ERICA: Heck yeah!

AABRIA: That cawing feels like that's the artificial sense of your heart racing, and you don't hear it in words, but that frenetic kill it, break it, get rid of it, destroy it. As the cawing continues to cycle and scream.

ERICA: Okay. So I'd say I'm on my knees right now, holding this thing, but trying to cover my ears, so I look absolutely ridiculous, and I start trying to smash it on the ground to make the noise stop.

AABRIA: Yeah. Make a general attack roll for me. We'll call it an unarmed strike as you're trying to slam it onto the ground.

ERICA: Yeah. Oh no, my unarmed strike is a plus two. Oh, that's an 18.

AABRIA: Oh, yeah! That's great. You throw it down, and the first time you throw it, because you're already on your knees, you don't have enough leverage, and it chips some of those other carved feathers off, and you stand back up through the pain, through this screaming, raise it to the top of your form and slam it all the way down to the ground, and it shatters in half, and the cawing begins to calm down. But it still exists, even in two parts, and the thing that is screaming for this destruction is not satisfied yet. You all see her do this.

ANJALI: What is happening?

ERICA: I got to destroy it. I got to get rid of it.

MATT: All right. (slamming sound) (laughter)

AABRIA: You grab one half and throw. Give me an attack roll.

MATT: All righty. Going to use my inspiration.

AABRIA: Good, burn it.

MATT: That is better. That puts me at an 18.

AABRIA: Yeah, describe how you destroy one half of this--

MATT: I grab it.

AABRIA: -- bas-relief.

MATT: Need to go into my wells of dwarvish strength, we've spent generations working with stone, carving it, and destroying it.

ERICA: Yeah!

MATT: I do a full-on jump in the air to get as much as I can, overhead slam dunk maneuver, and (crashing) as hard as I can onto the hard floor of the middle of the vault.

AIMEE: All right.

AABRIA: It hits and kicks up some of that compacted dirt and it shatters away, and you seem to even see, as you look on with delight as you break this, it looks like a raven feather slips through your periphery and is gone when you go to perceive it as you turn your face to the side. One half left.

MATT: That was weird.

AABRIA: The cawing is almost fine. It's almost gone now, but it's still there.

AIMEE: Maybe it was one of your feathers.

ANJALI: Raven-- Can I do-- it would be a religion check?

AABRIA: Yeah. Give me a religion check, baby.

ANJALI: Yep. but I'm going to give it to you that if you are moving over and looking at this weird bit of statuary, I mean, yeah, the gods of Exandria are known to people. I guess at this angle, at this light, with those feathers, maybe this is something reminiscent of the Matron of Ravens, but who could know? How could you know? Who could say?

AIMEE: We could say. I mean, can I ask my bestie? She would know. Would she know?

AABRIA: Give me a persuasion check to get your girl on the line.

AIMEE: I'm going to call her up. That's-- as she refuses to engage with you.

AIMEE: Why are you being such a bitch? I'm your champion.

AABRIA: You hear nothing and feel nothing but seething.

AIMEE: That's rude. I'm trying to rehab your image over here.

ANJALI: So I have a vague sense that this is the Mother of Ravens, Matron of Ravens, whatever she is.

AABRIA: Vague sense, yeah. Fine, hat, you can stay gone. Go away, Pikachu!

AIMEE: That was the Spider Queen.

ANJALI: Your fun puffs are adorable, though. (high-pitched) From here the little look really cute.

AABRIA: Thank you.

ANJALI: You're welcome.

AIMEE: Raven what?

AABRIA and ANJALI: Matron of Ravens.

ANJALI: You say we have to destroy this? You are sure?

AIMEE: Oh, this bitch.

ERICA: Yeah.

AABRIA: (laughs)

ERICA: Yeah, yes. Yeah, I got to, and I'd say she's still on the ground, there's crushed stone everywhere.


ERICA: I'd even say perhaps she cut her hand because she's, you know, going around and there's like-- Nothing crazy.

AABRIA: It's cool, it's not mechanically bad.

ANJALI: But she's freaking out. I try to take her hands gently and I say, stop. I will do this. I take the other half and I quietly speak in my mother tongue, and I say: Mother, protect us. And I smash it to the ground.

AABRIA: Yeah, make an attack roll for me.


AABRIA: That's good enough. It's an inanimate object and half of a piece of marble. You shatter it. It scatters away. The pieces themselves defy the ability to be reassembled between your squashing and your slam and your slam. It is unrecognizable as the thing it once was, and the songbird is finally at peace. You feel like whatever was bringing you here, past your personal mission to reapportion some wealth back into the population, that this was at the heart of it, too. And you've done it. It's done.

ANJALI: I need you to-- I look back to her to see if--

AIMEE: Actually wearing a bird.

ANJALI: -- anything changes.

AABRIA: (laughs)

ANJALI: That's pretty funny. To see if she's sated by the shattering.

ERICA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm okay. We should go. We should get out. We should go.

MATT: Oh yeah. What was that? What were you doing?

ERICA: It was nothing. I don't really know what it was.

MATT: Just smashing stuff?

ERICA: Yeah, just smashing stuff.

MATT: Hell yeah, that's fun.

ANJALI: As we're shoving more gold into our--

AIMEE: It's shoved, right?


ANJALI: All of it's-- okay.

AABRIA: Yes, it's shoved.

ANJALI: I'm going to do one quick nod to the Gift to see if I can ascertain anything else about this situation.

AABRIA: Go ahead. We're going to make it a religion check again. Or, hmm. No. Let's call this-- I love my one save. Make it a wisdom save. As you were just interacting with something very powerful.


AABRIA: You try to focus on it, and you focus-- It's like putting a magnifying lens over something. The Gift magnifies things in the weave. It makes things clear for you. But the thing you are trying to focus it on does not want to be perceived. It's like turning it up to the sun, and the Gift protects you from this thing that you've done, that you've attempted to see. As you feel your eyes flash white and then covered almost protectively, you have that same sense. A single raven feather flitting at the edge of your peripheral vision, as you are brought back.

ANJALI: I asked for protection. Thank you. Let's go.

MATT: All right, all right.

ERICA: Mor shakes it off.


ERICA: She whips out her blueprints. They're not her blueprints. Our blueprints.

MATT: The royal blueprints.

ERICA: Royal blueprints. The royal we's blueprints.

AIMEE: Royal blueprints.

ERICA: Yeah, yeah, yeah. She whips them out, so she goes: We need to get to the Sky Deck.


ERICA: We have to get to the Sky Deck, because that's where the brumestone is, and we can leave on it.

MATT: Yeah, totally.

ERICA: We can attach it. And you're all very strong.

ANJALI: Is there another way out of here besides the way we came in?

ERICA: I don't--

AABRIA: So you can either go back the way you came, move through the casino, and get up to the penthouse and across and over to the Sky Deck, because you've not even been on the Sky Deck. You were never allowed to work there. You've seen it, but you don't know the specific access point. Alternately, if you go straight up from here, you'll be in the coliseum with an outside view of the Sky Deck, and you could scale the outside of the building if you want to go that way. So it's a question of do you want to take the outside route to get up to the Sky Deck, or the inside route?

ERICA: I'm at a loss here. I don't know which one's better.

ANJALI: Outside would probably be detected more obviously, but inside we would have to convince someone that we belong there.

ERICA: It's also a longer path.

ROBBIE: But the devil you know. We've been that way.

ANJALI: Just a question about how Bag of Holdings, Bags of Holding work. I speak English good.

AIMEE: Bags of Holding.

AABRIA: They don't get heavy.

ANJALI: I speak words sometimes. Do they weigh much? We're good, like if we were climbing, they wouldn't fuck with us or anything like that?

AABRIA: Yeah, you're great.

ANJALI: You have your winged boots, which could take us, you could probably take someone, one of the smaller--

AIMEE: I can fly, actually.

ANJALI: She can fly, you both have, no, you don't want to burn a spell slot. That's meta, I don't know why I'm saying it in this accent. I feel like-- (laughter)

ANJALI: Oh. We planned for this.


AABRIA: It's like the coins come in handy.

AIMEE: It's like they come in handy.

AABRIA: Talk to me.

ANJALI: Question, when someone Misty Steps, if someone is holding them, do they take them with you?

AABRIA: Technically, not really, because that's how Dimension Door works, and it's a different spell.

ANJALI: Okay, so. So we have an option of going on the outside, correct?


ANJALI: Okay. I have a rope and a grappling hook.

AABRIA: Mm-hmm.

ANJALI: In the blueprints we found on the third floor, there, our suites, we did a little bit of sleuthing around that day, and using, now that I've really enjoyed your cloak, I used your cloak one more time, at your discretion, hope that was okay.

MATT: Yeah, totally.

ANJALI: To look like one of the hospitality, and not room service, housekeeping.


ANJALI: I kept knocking on the doors: Housekeeping! And one of them was completely empty.


ANJALI: So I went in there, I took the do not disturb sign, which is in several languages. It's in Elvish, Dwarven, it's in several languages. I put it on the outside and I gauged, I scoped out the room, and so noticed that it's a very easy climb from there, from the egress that we were talking about.

AABRIA: Perfect.

ANJALI: It's a very, very easy climb, and there is a-- because I can-- there is a little cement part of the building that juts out like that so that each of these windows are recessed, so you wouldn't necessarily be seen on either side of these recessed things.

AABRIA: Amazing.

ANJALI: So we can all get up to that high roller suite. All we have to do is climb, and I've been working out, so I'm strong enough to help anyone who needs help.

AABRIA: So the one added factor on top of that that's not complicating, because you gave a perfect flashback and it already presumed success, is knowing that you have to basically get up through 50 feet of earth to go straight up and through some of the air vents and grates in and around the West Run arena itself.

ANJALI: But it's still straight up.


ANJALI: We can still--

AABRIA: You're good.

ANJALI: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

AABRIA: So you see--

ERICA: We get out our spoons. (laughter)

ANJALI: We'll be there in 12 years.

AIMEE: I'll see you soon.


AIMEE: A decade.

AABRIA: Along with this, you see that there are little inset-- It's shaved off wood at the very edge of the tunnel before you hit the vault. So there's no air passages inside the vault. But you see these little wood barriers, and after studying the blueprints for so long, you know that you can remove that wood. It's a straight shot into the bottom of the holding cells where all of the animals, if there were animals involved, would be carried.

AIMEE: The gladiators.

ANJALI: Yes, exactly.

AABRIA: Yeah, 100%. So you've got a three-foot-wide hole. How did you plan to make it larger?

ANJALI: The hole leads up to something where there's not--

AABRIA: Yeah, there's a bunch of holding cells.

ANJALI: I mean, three feet wide. That's wide enough.

AABRIA: No, sorry, three inches.

ANJALI: Oh, three inches.

AABRIA: It's a little wooden pole that comes down.

AIMEE: I could Eldritch Blast it.

ANJALI: Yeah. I'm waiting on one of my magic people.

AABRIA: 100%.

ANJALI: Magicky people did it.

AABRIA: Yep. So you give her strict and specific parameters, and yeah, not going to make you roll for it, again, you've already figured this out. You do force damage. You know that that earth is a little more disrupted, it's going to be easy. You catch it at the right angle and you cause a controlled cave-in that pushes you up, and you guys can crawl. You have rope, grappling hook.

AIMEE: She's an engineer, folks.

ROBBIE: Straight up?

AABRIA: 100%, straight up into a holding cell, and you can see in and around them, they're all swung open because they don't stay locked when there's no one in it. But as you get up there, and you can see stairs and a little bit of light filtering through to where you would get above ground and you would be in the center of the arena. You can hear people cheering and the sound of snarls and growls and thuds.

AIMEE: Middle of a fucking--

AABRIA: Off to the side.

ANJALI: But it's on, but we're--

AABRIA: It's off the side and not visible.

ANJALI: Gotcha. Okay, so we can get up there and then go the other direction.

AABRIA: I will ask for a stealth roll from everyone on the way through. But if you, if any of you rolls lower than a 10, the people out on the outside doing whatever they're doing will hear you. Roll well.


AABRIA: Beautiful.

MATT: 23.

AABRIA: Oh my god! Okay.

MATT: Broken clock.


ERICA: 29.

AABRIA: Oh my god. You've never known Mor. Incredible. How'd you do?

ANJALI: That's her.

AIMEE: An eight.



ANJALI: I said 15.

AABRIA: And a 15.

AIMEE: I'm the only bitch. I made the hole.

AABRIA: You made the hole. Maybe it's that blasting and your ears are ringing a little bit and you're just a little noisy on the way up and out. As you guys are making a break for it, you hear the sounds of people quieting down and then footsteps chasing them.

AIMEE: I put on my Ring of Invisibility.

AABRIA: Perfect.

ANJALI: She's gone.

AABRIA: You all slip up and away. I'm going to say that because you dealt with your own problem, that you are all able to make it up and out and you're at the center of the West Run Arena. You can quickly exit it and use your grappling hook and tactical plan to get up to the high roller suite.


AABRIA: And you're there.

ROBBIE: It's on the third floor?


ANJALI: It's on the third floor. It's beneath where the sky bar--

AABRIA: Exactly.

ROBBIE: We got one more floor above us to get up there.

AABRIA: One more floor and you can actually see up and through because the Sky Deck is a glass-bottom bar.

AIMEE: Right. Oh, we can see everybody's panties. (laughter)

ANJALI: Let's also say--

AABRIA: I hate you. (laughter)

ROBBIE: But it's true.

ANJALI: There's got to be something that we were able to, like slight part of it that is opaque so we're able to get in there.

AABRIA: I can see all the panties, baby.

ROBBIE: That's the new thing.

AIMEE: See all the panties. Less panties than you think.

ANJALI: It's dark.

AIMEE: It's mostly men.

AABRIA: Fortunate.

ANJALI: Dark out there.

AIMEE: They're trying to find a dick.

ANJALI: So the idea is now that we need to get to the Sky Deck and detach it somehow?


MATT: Is it attached? What's attaching it?

ERICA: It's attached to the wall.

AABRIA: It's attached to the building.

ERICA: To the building.


ERICA: It's very rickety, though. It's only being held up by the brumestone.

ANJALI: We need to get everybody out of the Sky Deck.

AABRIA: You're essentially looking at a glass-bottom bookshelf that's hanging precariously over the edge of this building.

MATT: Are there chains keeping it attached to the building? How is it affixed to it?

AABRIA: It's actually just stone architecture that's arcing up and holding it.

MATT: Got you. I gotcha.

AIMEE: How many feet? Is that total?


AIMEE: The whole shebang.

AABRIA: The whole shebang would be-- (whispering) I have a map of it.

AIMEE: Including the brumestone.

AABRIA: Yeah, you don't know where the brumestone is specifically.

AIMEE: Oh, it's not visible.

AABRIA: It's not. It would be insane if it was visible.

AIMEE: Oh, okay, so people would steal it.

AABRIA: Yeah, exactly.

AIMEE: I see. Oh, okay, that makes sense. So the overall architecture, how big is it?

AABRIA: Yeah, I would say it's probably 60 feet across.

AIMEE: Okay.

AABRIA: 30 feet wide and just hanging over.

ANJALI: Mor, you are the one who knows this specifics of this and specifications of this the best. What do you think we should do?

ERICA: Are there people up on the Sky Deck?

AABRIA: Looking up and through you see that there are two people milling around. But as you guys were grappling up, you could look in to some of the high roller suites that you weren't going into that were still occupied in some of the people's rooms and you see that there are scuffles that are breaking out inside of the casino itself. That maybe people are a bit too distracted to go get a drink.

ERICA: Okay, cool. Where did I see on the blueprints that the brumestone was?

AABRIA: At the very corners of this deck. It was written on that they were there, but everything you seen, you were just looking out across this at this yesterday. You don't see those points, but you do see decorative architecture and structures that are where the brumestone is said to be.

ERICA: Okay.

AIMEE: Okay. So what we have to do, we have to get up there.


MATT: Get the people out.

AIMEE: Get the people out and do-- okay.

MATT: Break the architecture that's holding it into place. And somehow shove off?

ANJALI: But is that how that works? We would just be floating there?

ERICA: Yes, I think all we would need is a means of propelling ourselves.

ROBBIE: I assume it's weightless, so.

MATT: I don't know about this stuff.

ERICA: Because brumestone-- I guess I know about brumestone?

AABRIA: You know enough from reading the plans that it would create, it's the levitation problem of levitation without force in a direction but if you can push off.

ANJALI: Can I also say as part--

ROBBIE: I could be forced in a direction?

ANJALI: Yeah, and can I also say as part of our previous plan to meet up in that suite that we had planned to have Cyrus join us there since he was in--

AABRIA: You have no idea what Cyrus' plan is.

ANJALI: But back in the room, when we planned.

ROBBIE: We talked about it.

AIMEE: Oh yeah, they have a plan.

ANJALI: Could I-- okay.

AABRIA: I love you for it.

ERICA: Okay, do we have grappling tools? Oh, you have grappling tools.

ANJALI: I have a grappling--

ROBBIE: Does anybody know anything about stonework or architecture or anything like that?

ANJALI: You have your dwarven ancestry.

MATT: I mean, yeah, but I grew up on a farm.

AABRIA: (laughs)

ANJALI: What do you need to know about stonework?

ERICA: I'm assuming it's attached on four pillars here and then it's also attached to the building over here.

AABRIA: Why don't I just show you? (cheering)

ERICA: I'm trying to get a visual.

AIMEE: I have an idea, but I don't know if it's--

ROBBIE: Bring it out! Bring it out! Let's see the thing. Bring it out.

AABRIA: I'll lay this down. So here's the edge of the building and it's like 50 feet in here.

MATT: Gotcha.

AABRIA: It's literally just attached here.

ROBBIE: It's a balcony.

AABRIA: It's a balcony.

AIMEE: Oh, it's a very large balcony.

AABRIA: It's a glass-bottomed balcony.

AIMEE: We don't know how, and the mystery, the marvel of it is that it doesn't have columns going down the other side.

AABRIA: Correct.

AIMEE: Now I see it.

ROBBIE: It's not just cantilevered.

AABRIA: Correct. Ooh! I like that word.

AIMEE: Oh, I know what that, isn't that like the bridge?

ERICA: But it does have decorative things on all four points basically floating underneath that have like--

AABRIA: You don't see it under. You see decorative points on the top.

ERICA: Oh, that's where the brumestone-- Oh, I see, I see.

AABRIA: Unless it's all gone now and you're all going to fall to your death. Who knows?

AIMEE: All right, well, all we got to do is get up to that and then I planned for what's next. But we got to get up there.

AABRIA: Okay. How are you going to move 20 feet up above you?

AIMEE: I don't know.

ERICA: Can I scale the wall?

AABRIA: You can certainly try. You have grappling stuff, too, so keep in mind this doesn't have to be the most insane thing ever, but sure, give me an acrobatics check.

ERICA: I want to try.

AABRIA: I love it.

ERICA: That's a 17.

AABRIA: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you just raw bouldering up?

ERICA: I wanted to take my two daggers and frickin'...

AABRIA: (gasps)

MATT: Hell yeah, so that sounds good.

AABRIA: You have to describe that for me.

ERICA: Okay, now do I have a rope? Everyone has a rope, right?

AABRIA: Everyone's got a rope. Well, you used 25 of-- I'm going to say-- your 50 feet of rope for your--

ERICA: But that's half. You said it's 20 feet down. Sick, okay, so I take my rope, I put it in my teeth, I take out my two daggers, and I, without saying anything, because I've got a rope in my mouth, of course, I go (mumbling) and then I run up and I freaking use my big, because I've got claws in my toes. I fricking dagger up there and I hop onto the thing.


ERICA: I go. Oh wait, aren't there two people up there?

AABRIA: Yes, but you see that they're behind the bar.

ANJALI: Oh, behind the bar.

AABRIA: I'm going to have you pop up right here. No, you can pop up here. That's good for you.

ERICA: Who's my boss? Who's my boss? What was my boss' name? Oh, Gowra.

AABRIA: Gaola.

ERICA: Gala?

AABRIA: Yeah, G-A-O-L-A.

ERICA: Gaola.

AABRIA: Gaola Mistwick is behind the bar.



AIMEE: Ay-oh!

ROBBIE: Oh. Well, it's the high roller suite. You put a boss behind the bar.

ERICA: I go up to Gaola, cool. Do I have a good relationship with Gaola?

AABRIA: She doesn't seem incredibly trustful of you, which is why you've never been allowed to tend bar on the Sky Deck. As you appear from outside, she goes, "Wha-wha-what the fuck?"

ERICA: Gaola, oh, it's so nice to see you.

AABRIA: "What are you doing?"

ERICA: I got a wild hare and I just decided--

AABRIA: "Is that a joke?"

ERICA: Yes, I decided that I really wanted to have a chance to tend bar on the Sky Deck because you look so tired and I think that you could use a break.

AABRIA: "Do you have any idea what's going on right now?"


AIMEE: Tell us.

ERICA: Please tell me. What's happening?

AABRIA: "I was sent here to watch the bar, but it's pandemonium inside. There's fighting everywhere and blood and, you know, all of those unsavory types that, you know, pay our checks, are murdering each other downstairs."

ERICA: Who's our boss' name? Our boss, both of our boss'. She the highest up, I know.

AABRIA: She's the highest up you know.

ERICA: Oh no, then we're out of olives. (laughter)

ERICA: Well, I can watch the bar while you go get some olives, Gaola, please.

AABRIA: Make... (laughs) (laughter)

AABRIA: The world's craziest deception check with disadvantage.

ANJALI: So it's always olives at this bar.

AABRIA: Yeah, everyone loves olives. Kymal, known for its olives, harvested from Turst Fields.

ERICA: Okay, okay, 19, that's my lowest.

AABRIA: God, why is that?

MATT: (laughs)

AIMEE: She's like, okay.

ANJALI: Yeah, girl.

AABRIA: She gives you a look and then stares you down and looks past this very innocent, doe-eyed, bunny-eyed look and then drops her countenance and nods. She says, "I'm going to go. Whatever you're doing, be safe, and you never saw me. I'm going to go get more olives."

ERICA: I would say Mor hugs her.

AABRIA: None of you see this because you didn't just raw climb up like a badass, but she is a carmine-red hobgoblin woman. Heavy set, very curvy, very pretty. Long hair, always well-oiled and coifed and braided. You hug her. After the first three seconds, she hugs you back. You feel just a little shudder come from her and then she steels her nerves and holds you by the shoulders. "Okay, okay. I'm going to get olives."

ERICA: I call after her and I go: Be safe, my friend.

AABRIA: "You too." She disappears inside. The barback that was coming and moving back and forth, she cuffs this young human and drags her back with her and they disappear and there's no one else left out here.

ERICA: Cool, so I--

AABRIA: Really quick. I'm going to cut back because this took a little bit of time and you all see, as Mor disappears, but there's no sound of skirmish or fighting or metal or blasting.

MATT: Well, it doesn't disappear completely because it's a glass bottom.

AABRIA: It is a glass bottom!


AABRIA: You can see her panties.

AIMEE: We see her panties. We saw her panties. But we see--

AABRIA: Yeah, so you were able to watch from below.

MATT: Shit, she just walked up and shanked that poor woman. (laughter)

MATT: That's cold. I respect it.

AIMEE: Okay, I'm still so confused. So she climbed out on the outside and popped up--

AABRIA: Yeah, she fully scaled it herself.

AIMEE: Got it. Okay. Okay, well how would we get up there?

ERICA: I run to the door and I slam it closed to the Sky Deck, because everyone's gone now. So I slam it, it looks heavy, so I went (grunt). Then I, if there's a lock mechanism, I'd lock it. I would try.

AABRIA: That's fine.

ERICA: I take the rope and I-- Is there something I can tie it to and then throw it down for them?

AABRIA: Yeah, you got these big-ass lions hanging far away. Or you can try to secure it to the pillar over here in the corner.

ERICA: Do the lions look sturdy?

AABRIA: Yeah, they're hella sturdy.

ERICA: Cool, I'll go to that one and I'll tie it to the lion's tail and then I'll drop it down because it's a direct drop. It's 25 feet of rope and it's a 20-foot drop, right?


ERICA: Cool.

AABRIA: The only problem is that it jutted out a little far so you have a little bit of distance to get that rope to you. Not an unsolvable problem, but a minor inconvenience.

ANJALI: So you reach out and grab it, yes?

AABRIA: You cannot just reach out with your raw hand--

ANJALI: I take my staff, I expand it, and I dick around, dig around and--

AIMEE: Dick around.

MATT: Just going to dick around my staff.

AABRIA: Dick around.

AIMEE: Eeh! You know! (laughter)

ANJALI: I dick around my

AABRIA: Give me a--

ANJALI: Because there's totally a theater act, just to dick around.

AABRIA: Give me a general dexterity check to see how your dicking about goes.


AABRIA: Yeah, you're able to get it. That's fine.

ANJALI: Just reach out and hook it a little bit and pull it towards us. I want to stay at the bottom of the rope to help whoever goes up. I'll go up last.

AIMEE: Nice.

ANJALI: Yes, I think.

AIMEE: All right. So okay, I'll go up. Climb, climb, climb.

AABRIA: Yeah, I'm not going to make you roll for it, you're fine. Your specter just floats.

ROBBIE: Oh yeah.

ANJALI: Yes, specter.


ROBBIE and AABRIA: (laughs)

MATT: Forgot about him.

ANJALI: Got that big boy.

AABRIA: That big boy.

ANJALI: That's impressive. Oh, you have wings. You can just float.

ROBBIE: I'll stay down here with you or you can go up. If you can launch the boat, I'll be the motor. It should be better if I'm underneath. I can get up to you any time I need to, if I need to.

ANJALI: That makes sense.

ROBBIE: I'll keep an eye out down here.

ANJALI: All right. I'll go up.

MATT: Yeah, same.

ROBBIE: I'm going to hang out at the window sill of the suites.

AABRIA: Respect. You're just watching and waiting?

ROBBIE: Mm-hmm.

AABRIA: Okay. You all--

ERICA: I didn't realize I made that difficult because I put it all the way out there. I just--

AABRIA: It's okay, it's all good. It was only a tiny problem. They are, they are good. So, there's no one up here. You're on the deck. Dorian's still below.

ANJALI: Can we begin to, while we're waiting on Dorian to come join us, can we investigate? Oh no. Can we investigate? Well, someone should keep watch by the door, just listening, I would imagine.

AIMEE: Oh, I'll send my little Ted 2 again.

AABRIA: Sweet. A little figure but he's a really big boy.

AIMEE: Summon that little bitch. Oh my gosh. That looks scary.

AABRIA: It's not a little one. Well, maybe that's because I couldn't find it.

ANJALI: That was on my boot?

AABRIA: Yeah, I'm just like--

MATT: Just like a grain of sand.

AABRIA: I literally almost pulled a rock out and was just like, "There you go."

AIMEE: Can she crawl under-- Is there a little crawlspace under the door, or any place she can maneuver?

AABRIA: I'm going to say, for the sake of making this still a little difficult, this door is a lot like the penthouse door, that if it's shut, it's sealed.

AIMEE: Okay.

AABRIA: If you want to open the door and let her out, you can do that.

AIMEE: There's no hole in the key lock?

AABRIA: No, actually, what you see it's very strange, this door. You have a sense that even if you looked through the keyhole, and you can look through it, you actually see a wall facade there. This is a strange magical door for an exclusive little bar.

ANJALI: So I guess we have to investigate and figure out how we can get this thing off.

ERICA: Its stays are pretty rickety, right? It's only held on here and there and there?


MATT: Weird.

AIMEE: So we should-- hmm.

ANJALI: So we'll need to break it.

AIMEE: Which ones do we do first?

MATT: Well, do we have the mace from that guy we fought earlier?

AABRIA: Yeah, you do.

MATT: Pull it out of the bag of holding and walk up to one of the stone pillars on the side and be like--

AIMEE: Which one, though? Because you don't want it to fall.

ERICA: Exactly. According to the blueprints, the brumestone is in each of these four corners. So it would be the two lions and then these two little pillars here. So we don't want to break the pillars, we just want to break the attachments. We don't want to do too much damage.

MATT: All right.

AABRIA: Can you make a history check for me? Because you recently spent a good amount of time on an airship.


ANJALI: Oh yeah.

ROBBIE: That's doody poo poo, pee pee, doody poo poo. I was just enjoying the peanuts. That's a seven.

AABRIA: With a seven, your intellectual curiosity was not stimulated by this flight, but you are aware of the fact that you saw, whenever you walked out on the deck of the airship, you clearly saw the brumestone. That might be a part of it. But I don't know, you rolled a seven, so you can think whatever the fuck you want.

ROBBIE: Man, that was no information. You know that, I can't talk to you, I'm downstairs. Click, click, I click my heels together and I fly along the side, right behind Morrighan and I go--

ERICA: You absolutely startle me.

AABRIA: Amazing.

ERICA: Oh! Hi!

ROBBIE: Hey, how's it going?

AABRIA: -- not be hovering right up there.

ERICA: Oh my god.

ROBBIE: This is taking a minute. You guys got this figured out? What do we do?

MATT: I'm going to smash stuff.

ROBBIE: That's a good job for you. What is he smashing?

ERICA: Everything except the brumestone.

ROBBIE: Right, smash the brumestone--

ERICA: Which supposedly is in the four pillars, the four corners of the Sky Deck.

ROBBIE: So we have to find out where the mooring is and break that.

MATT: Yeah.

ERICA: It should only really be in a couple of areas along this wall. It's only fastened to the wall.

ROBBIE: All right, I'll start looking.

ANJALI: So we need to break the wall?

ERICA: So yeah, I would start probably with the middle and avoid the pillars.

ROBBIE: All right.

MATT: All right.

ROBBIE: Yeah. I'll start doing an investigation. I'll start looking along the edge of that wall. You said it looked like a facade, though, right. Or is it an actual wall? Is it an actual wall?

AABRIA: What are you talking about?

ROBBIE: The front of the building. Yeah.

AABRIA: The door, if you look at it, it feels like, you can tell the difference between a door that would open onto a space is. You're getting this weird sensation that that door will open up on a flat wall.

ROBBIE: Yeah, the physics don't work of, it's got to be something like--

AABRIA: It's a little wibbly wobbly here. Something like that.

ROBBIE: I'm going to investigate and try and--

ERICA: I'll investigate--

ROBBIE: Yeah, yeah, we all should. What?

AABRIA: Everyone who wants to investigate, give me an investigation check.

ERICA: Oh, with a natural one.

ROBBIE: Hey, guess what? Natural one.

AABRIA: Oh my god.

AIMEE: I rolled one!


AIMEE: I swear to god. Is that a one? That's a one.

ROBBIE: Yes. We're all impossibly stupid.


MATT: Where am I putting it?

ROBBIE: Don't ask me. I can't find it.

AABRIA: What were you looking for?

ANJALI: I was looking for the best place and way to avoid the brumestone and detach this from the wall.

AABRIA: Cool. This whole thing is attached to the wall there.

ANJALI: Uh-huh.


ANJALI: It's not like there's one tethering spot.

AABRIA: No, that would be so fucking easy.


AABRIA: So absolutely not.

ERICA: Is it magic?

ANJALI: So what we need is, essentially, like the way a blowtorch would arc through a metal wall, we need something to separate the whole wall.

AABRIA: Yeah. So you know that it's attached flush here at the wall and there was a little bit of under architecture that's running under the sides here that will allow for it to be supported from the bottom, too. This thing is just weirdly jutting out.

ANJALI: I tell everybody that.

ERICA: Do we need to get under it?

ANJALI: We need to find a precise way to almost cut it from the wall.

AIMEE: My Eldritch Blast?

ANJALI: How did we plan for this? Does anyone have a coin?

AIMEE: I thought-- I had a plan and it went to shit.

MATT: Yeah.

ANJALI: Okay. Magic, magic, what magic do we have?

AIMEE: You had a thing.

MATT: Well, I keep shaking the--

AABRIA: (laughs)

ANJALI: The mace.

MATT: The giant mace that was pushing people back and smashing into folks when we were back there, I don't want to rob myself of the ability to smash something, but if some of the folks that can fly underneath want to give it a shot and try and hit it from the bottom, maybe that could work.

ROBBIE: Oh, but you're such a good-- all right. Sure.

MATT: Yeah? There you go.

ROBBIE: (grunts) And immediately I'm slowly fluttering--

AABRIA: What's your strength score?

AIMEE: Wait, is that only--


AIMEE: -- one person can do that? Because there's one mace, okay.


AABRIA: What's yours?

MATT: Oh, 14.

AABRIA: Okay, you're fine.

ROBBIE: Okay. Float down to the bottom and try to figure out how to generate force from underneath. But I'm going to look up and shrug and take a big old swing right where the wall and the balcony meet underneath.

AABRIA: Okay. As you go to swing, what was your--

ERICA: Oh my gosh, I wanted to try. I wanted to try to take the rope and swing down on it and rabbit stomp the holes.

AABRIA: You're trying to kick stone?

ERICA: Oh, shit, I thought it was wood.

AABRIA: You're trying to kick the whole outside of a building of stone to death?

MATT: I mean.

AABRIA: How strong are your little bunny feet?

ERICA: Ooh, ooh.

AABRIA: Have you ever kicked a building to death?

MATT: Shoot for the moon, man, you know?

ERICA: Listen, listen.

AABRIA: Look, this isn't drywall.

AIMEE: Shoot your shot.

AABRIA: You willing to ruin your legs upon this wall?

ERICA: I'm not, you know what? You're right.

AABRIA: You could if you want to.

ERICA: Nope, it's fine, I'm good.

AABRIA: Maybe you get a natural 20, who knows?

AIMEE: Can I send my specter to do anything?

AABRIA: Yeah, what do you want your specter to do?

AIMEE: Well.

AABRIA: Do you have your specter's stats pulled up?

AIMEE: I do. Let's see what he can do. Because he doesn't have the clubby, you have the clubby.

AABRIA: Correct.

AIMEE: Okay, what do you--

AABRIA: Now, look at what his strength score is. I want you to really sit with that and pray on it.

AIMEE: Maybe not, no, we're not doing it.

AABRIA: He has a one in strength. That's a negative five.

ROBBIE: He is a ghost.

ANJALI: I'm very strong,

AIMEE: He's a ghost.

ANJALI: But I need to make sure that I'm doing the right thing.

AABRIA: You take a swing. Give me an attack roll.

ROBBIE: Sinking, sinking, sinking.

AABRIA: I'm going to say this has a plus-- no, I'm not going to say, I have the stats written right here. It's a plus eight to hit.

ROBBIE: Plus eight? Okay, cool.

AABRIA: It's a big, mighty guy and he would've hurt you if he didn't get absolutely shit wrecked.

ROBBIE: 19. Plus, you said eight?


ROBBIE: Yeah, 27.

AABRIA: 27 just hits an immobile wall. Yeah, of course! Give me 2d10 bludgeoning damage, please and thank you.

ROBBIE: Okay, 2d10. ♪ I never roll a d10 ♪ It's my first roll.

AABRIA: Are you on the left side or the right side?

ROBBIE: What is that? That's not, that's a 12.

AABRIA: He's not listening to me and that's disrespectful.

ROBBIE: I'm sorry!

AIMEE: You need a d10?

ROBBIE: What does a d10 look like? Oh my god, I'm losing my mind.

ANJALI: They look the same thing as percentage dice except with one digit.

ROBBIE: Okay. Sure. I've got lots of those, though.

MATT: It's like a d8 plus.

ROBBIE: Yeah! Two of them, plus two? Five and seven, 12.


ANJALI: Well done.

AABRIA: You do 12 points of damage to this under stone and you begin knocking it out, but it's sending cracks and splinters through it.

ROBBIE: It doesn't look like it's--

AIMEE: Wobbly wobbly?

ROBBIE: Doing anything really?

AABRIA: I mean, it was the first hit. You can get to work and gets to smacking. Is that what you do?

ROBBIE: I'm going to fly up. It's working! Let's all smash the shit out of it together.

MATT: I love this plan. I'm excited to be a part of it. Let's do it.

ROBBIE: I throw the hammer back to Dariax.

MATT: All right!

ROBBIE: Let's go.

ANJALI: I mean, I don't know if my stick is strong enough for that to be useful, so I'd have to grab something else.

AABRIA: I mean, go for it!

ANJALI: So I'm going to grab the heaviest thing that I can find. How heavy are those lions?

AABRIA: You want to grab a whole--

ANJALI: I want to grab something giant that I can smash with. Because my--

AIMEE: That's like a Trafalgar Square lion.

ANJALI: -- quarterstaff is not going to do shit.

ROBBIE: What is that, bronze? Like 7,000 pounds or something like that?

AABRIA: It is welded to the ground.

ANJALI: That's not happening.

AABRIA: And like, half a ton.

ANJALI: No, but, okay, well, something.

AABRIA: But I love that you were like, I'm going to hit this with the lion.

ANJALI: I don't know!

AABRIA: It's great.

ANJALI: I want to hit things with things that are heavier than my staff.

AABRIA: Yeah, I will say for all intents and purposes, your staff is a powerful, magical item and I will not let you shatter it while doing this.

ANJALI: Okay, fantastic, then I'm going to start whacking at the corner, right at the corner, like a chisel.

AABRIA: Incredible.

AIMEE: Can I get-- I just want to float this by the group.

AABRIA: Please do.

AIMEE: Should I not use my Eldritch Blast? I have no strength and that's the only thing I can do other than poke at it with my dagger.

ANJALI: My only concern about that--

ERICA: Except I don't have an Eldritch Blast.

ANJALI: My only concern about that is-- what were you going to say?

AIMEE: I mean, and what?

MATT: If only we had another party out there that could bring something explosive.

AIMEE: If only!


AIMEE: What?

ANJALI: Cyrus.


ANJALI: Cyrus. Where's--

ROBBIE: Some sort of plan we could have calculated earlier.

AIMEE: Well.

ANJALI: Who else is going?

AIMEE: You tried and she was like--

ROBBIE: And from the front door!


ROBBIE: We literally hear (knocks "Shave and a Haircut")

AABRIA: Actually, Cyrus yells, "Two bits" himself.

ANJALI: Two bits!

AABRIA: "Two bits!" And busts through the door, joining you. And he's got-- This is on you. You didn't tell me the plan, so I don't know how to help.

ROBBIE: Cyrus! Did you bring the fantasy dynamite?

ERICA: Oh my god.

AIMEE: They're laughing in the back.

AIMEE: Did you bring the TNT?

MATT: It's in the Player's Handbook.

ERICA: I cannot. I cannot.

AABRIA: "I absolutely did."

ERICA: And from the darkness--

AABRIA: We get-- it's not a flashback for the group, but Cyrus gets lost in a thousand-yard stare. As we get a wild group of misadventures of how he--

AIMEE: Montage?

AABRIA: Yeah, he got down into that market, and he was like, "I got to find something explosive." But then this beautiful woman distracted him and he went on a whole noir adventure late into the night. He actually didn't get his long rest. He played cards until you fell asleep and then he went on this beautiful adventure as this dame that was no good, but so beautiful led him out and around. He got turned, he was Polymorphed into a black bear in the secret fighting pit that's inside under the West Run-- it's what you were hearing.

ANJALI: Oh my god.

AABRIA: They all took random potions and would fight each other.

AIMEE: Oh my god.

AABRIA: He's just covered in scars, bruised and beaten, and this woman says, "Thank you for defending my honor. Here's the fantasy dynamite and a healing potion and no one will know of our love."

MATT: It's a Kymal sign of affection in this space.

AABRIA: Yeah. Yeah. He looks back at you. "I brought it."

ERICA: Oh my god.

AABRIA: "The things I gave away in order to get it."

AIMEE: I had to prove it with my life.

AABRIA: He begins this dramatic monologue as you grab it out of his hands.

ROBBIE: I'm throwing one of each of these to everybody.

AIMEE: Yep, yep, yep.

ANJALI: I assume we have to light them on fire?

AABRIA: "There are people coming up here."

ANJALI: Let's go fast.

ROBBIE: Go, go, go, go, go!

ANJALI: I light them all with my hands because I have Produce Flame, Reach to the Blaze.

MATT: So here's what I'm going to do is, if we can while we're doing this, because we don't want to just stick dynamite in the platform.

ROBBIE: Correct.

MATT: That we're trying to fly.

ANJALI: In those corner things, right?

MATT: Yeah. I'm going to take my spear and hold it up to part of right where it meets the wall and use the mace to try and hammer really hard into it to try and create a little bit of a space that we can stick dynamite in.

ANJALI: Excellent.

MATT: To hit the foundation of the wall as opposed to the platform we're on, just a little bit above it.

ROBBIE: It's a good thing you're so smart.

AABRIA: As Cyrus--

MATT: I'm really good at breaking things!

ANJALI: You are!

ERICA: He's really good when it comes to figuring out breaking things.

AABRIA: You all immediately get to work doing this. And Cyrus suddenly goes, "Whoa, no, no, no, no! I had a thought."


AABRIA: "I know, it's a new one, and just--" and his nose starts to bleed a little bit as he thinks the hardest he's ever thought in his whole life. When we were on the airship, we had to-- with the brumest-- you could see it. It was blue and glowing and I don't see it! Why can't-- Shouldn't we see it before you blow us all up?"

ANJALI: This is not a bad idea. They're in those corner things?

AIMEE: In every corner.

ANJALI: Theoretically, they're in those corner pillars?

ERICA: Yes, they should be in the corners.

ANJALI: On this map, it looks like there's a lid of stone.

AABRIA: Yeah. You're seeing a little thing here.

ANJALI: Like a little lid?

AABRIA: Dorian's hovering over one and your two lions in the corners.

ANJALI: I want to get in there and try to hammer it to open up one of the lids.

AABRIA: Okay, give me an attack roll. And Cyrus goes through and uses his wind power to put out everyone's fantasy dynamite.


ROBBIE: Just hold for a second.

AABRIA: "Yeah, hold!"

ANJALI: Sorry, I got ahead of myself.

AABRIA: No worries. Where are you going for first?

ANJALI: I'll go for that far one that Dorian's not standing on.

AABRIA: Over here? Yeah. You go and break it. I'm going to set you there for a second. As you go and smash it and it crumbles away.




AABRIA: And exposes brumestone.


AABRIA: It's still in the pillar a little bit, but it's exposed and the moment it's exposed it starts to glow a little brighter.

ANJALI: Great, so do we have to activate it in any way? You know, from the airship?

ROBBIE: I was riding it, not flying it!

ANJALI: Cyrus, do you remember anything from the airship?

AABRIA: "Look."

MATT: I mean, it's keeping it floating right now, right?

ERICA: Yeah, there's no way.

MATT: It seems like it's--

AIMEE: It's activated.

AABRIA: "I think you've just got it."

ERICA: Also, I'm sorry. I want Mor to shut the door again because Cyrus bashed it open.

AABRIA: Yeah, good call.

ERICA: For sure.

AABRIA: You shut it and you look through the door. And, unless you don't look through the door as you're closing it?

ERICA: I look through.

AABRIA: You do, and you see that there are scuffles and tussles and fights in the hallway and you make eye contact with someone who sees you.

ANJALI: Oh shit.

AABRIA: As you slam the door shut, and you can hear the sounds before it becomes sound tight again, of people rushing towards the deck.

ERICA: We have to go, we have to go, we have to put the dynamite in.

MATT: Well, the dynamite's all situated there, I go: All right, everyone. Go-- Get behind one of the tables!

ANJALI: I'll go.

ROBBIE: Is it going to work with just one exposed? Do we need to reveal the rest of them?

ERICA: No, no, no, no, they're working, they're working. We have to trust that they're working.

ROBBIE: Trust?!

ERICA: They are, there's no way that the structure would be supported!

ANJALI: As they're yelling, I go over and smack--

ROBBIE: I do not trust this!


ANJALI: Smack the other one.

AABRIA: The one over here?

ANJALI: Mm-hmm, 14 plus nine. Or 14 plus eight, 22.


MATT: While this is happening, I do a quick run past the wall and cast Burning Hands to ignite all the different fuses.

ROBBIE: Oh no!

AABRIA: Amazing!

ROBBIE: This is happening, isn't it?

ANJALI: We back up, we back up!

ROBBIE: I fly up in the air and I let out a super loud whistle-- I hope this is right-- and I'm going to aim it at one of the lions and cast Shatter.

ALL: Oh!

AABRIA: Amazing.

ROBBIE: 24 points, right? I don't know.

AIMEE: Wait, so we're just destroying the lions? Okay, I'm going to cast Eldritch Blast on one of them, then.

ROBBIE: Oh, you do trust me!

AIMEE: I trust you.

AABRIA: Incredible, both of you make your attack rolls.

AIMEE: I hope we don't fall to our deaths.


MATT: Plus seven.

AIMEE: Plus seven? 17.



ROBBIE: Oh! 16.

AABRIA: You see it bounce off the weird curvature. You have multiple attacks.

AIMEE: But I get two? Okay. I'm aiming it at the base.

AABRIA: Which one are you, are you going for the one right behind here?

AIMEE: The one he's not aiming at.

AABRIA: Someone's got to give me an answer.

AIMEE: Oh, oh, oh. I suppose the one that I'm closest to, I'm yelling, I'm so sorry.

MATT: Hey, it's fine.

AIMEE: (yells) The one that I'm closest to!

MATT: I can't hear anything in this ear anymore, it's fine.

AIMEE: Oh! That's a fucking 26.

AABRIA: Amazing, yeah, you blast it and you're aiming your Shatter at this one?


AABRIA: Cool. Perfect. What's your damage?

ROBBIE: 20 total.

AABRIA: 20 total? That'll do it. Yeah, for the sake of what we're doing and we don't need this to last a super long time. You expose the brumestone under the copper lion. What's your?

AIMEE: 26.

AABRIA: Yeah, what's your damage?

AIMEE: Oh, fuck me, I'm so sorry.

ANJALI: What's your damage?

AABRIA: Girl, what's your damage?

AIMEE: Oh, here I am.

AABRIA: Oh, jeez.

AIMEE: Come on! Here it goes. (dice rattling)

AABRIA: I loved hearing it.

ANJALI: I know!

AIMEE: 10.

AABRIA: Okay, 10 points of damage is going to dent in the metal but not fully expose the brumestone.

AIMEE: Okay, I suppose--

AABRIA: But I do need all of you to roll initiative as you've now done enough--

AIMEE: Fuck, wait!

AABRIA: You've done enough big, loud noises--

AIMEE: Wait, no, I've planned for this.


AABRIA: I'm going to take my fucking seat.

AIMEE: This is so stupid.

AABRIA: Let's go!

AIMEE: It's not that good of a plan, here's the plan.

AABRIA: Hey, hold on, here's what I need. Aimee, Aimee, I need you to look me in the eye.

AIMEE: Yeah.

AABRIA: Take a deep breath. Make this the perfect plan.

AIMEE: It better be.

AABRIA: Because I love you and I like you. And unless you are airtight in this, I'm going to fuck you over.

AIMEE: Okay, great. Okay, well here's your first chance to fuck me up. So.

ERICA: It's terrifying.

AIMEE: Ready?

MATT: I love it.

AIMEE: Okay, so can I? Yesterday or no, not yesterday, this morning, actually. I got my Pearl of Power to get an extra spell slot.


AIMEE: With that extra spell slot, I had this idea that someone might hear us on the deck. So I will have decided to preemptively cast Major Image so that it looks like, right in front, so that it looks like the entire deck has collapsed. (gasping)


ERICA: Oh my god.

AABRIA: Oh my god. This was supposed to be an encounter.

AIMEE: Oh shit!

AABRIA: I had bad guys and a whole fight. But we're going to elide this to a single die roll. I know what I said, presuming success, you're going to get this off, but the timing has to be immaculate, Opal. So. You guys are damaging and Shattering and trying to expose that last lion. You need to time this illusion so it looks like it's falling away as you detach and go.

AIMEE: As we detach.

ERICA: Oh my god.

AABRIA: So here's what's going to happen, I need one more roll from everyone but Opal, I need you to do as much damage as you can do in one hit to get yourselves off the wall. Then following that, a performance check to time this as people look out on the damaged, ruined side of this casino and see what you need them to see instead of what's actually there.


AABRIA: Amazing.

ROBBIE: What do we--

AABRIA: Doing what?

ANJALI: Attacking the lion with my staff.

AABRIA: Perfect.

ANJALI: Taking out all my anger about the situation with Fy'ra Kai because--

AABRIA: I love it. Roll your damage.

MATT: 19 to hit.

AABRIA: Absolutely.

MATT: This is with the mace.

AABRIA: Yeah, okay.

MATT: So it's 2d8?

AABRIA: Give me that 2d10.

ANJALI: Eight.

MATT: 2d10?


ERICA: 25 to hit.

AABRIA: Yep, absolutely.

ERICA: But with my rapier? My dagger?

ANJALI: Your bunny feet?

ERICA: My little bunny feet. So, d8 plus four. Seven damage.

AABRIA: Perfect.

ROBBIE: I'll do. Oh no! I'll do my Chromatic Orb.


ROBBIE: And plus six? I don't know what I roll. What do I roll for that? Just anything?

MATT: No, you know what?


MATT: I take that back. Continue, continue.

ROBBIE: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It has a hit. It's not a save. So I just roll an attack plus six.

AABRIA: 100%.

ROBBIE: Ha ha!

AABRIA: I didn't forget about the fantasy dynamite, you're all getting one more big hit in before this goes off.

MATT: I will say, the fuses are a little longer than I expected.

ROBBIE: So it's taking some time?

MATT: I got this, though.

ROBBIE: Got it.

AIMEE: Oh god!


AABRIA: Yeah, 19 damage?

ROBBIE: Yeah, oh, no, no, it's 3d8.

AABRIA: 19 to hit, hits.

ROBBIE: 19 to hit, okay. Seven. Six. 13, seven, 20 damage.

AABRIA: Okay. Dariax, what are you doing with these extra long fuses?

MATT: So as they finish hitting stuff, I'm like: Ah, shit, the fuses are taking too long. Oh god. Hey, everyone stand on the other side, stand on the other side! Start getting everyone to shift off towards the far end of the wall. See them all, the four pieces set up in the wall, on opposite points there about maybe 10 feet from each other, you know, where I'd set them in the wall, all four of them. I go: All right, hold onto something. I'm going to cast Fireball right in the center of them which is a 20-foot radius, it's going to ignite all of them at once.


AABRIA: Incredible. I'm losing my hat.

AIMEE: The hat is gone! She's lost her hat.

AABRIA: Roll your damage. Roll that Fireball damage. Hold on. Opal, this is great and it's going great.

MATT: You're rolling damage for your last hit, too, right?


MATT: Because you hit, but you haven't rolled damage yet.


AABRIA: Yeah, she doesn't do a last hit, she's timing this Major Image.

MATT: That's right, never mind. Okay. That is... how much fantasy dynamite did Cyrus get?

ROBBIE: One for everybody.

AABRIA: Cool. Five rounds of fantasy dynamite all go off and you guys tenderized the wall by putting these big dents and cracks into it. The Fireball--

ERICA: That's the bar, right? There's a bunch of alcohol there.

AIMEE: Oh shit.



ANJALI: Yeah, so it's extra.

ERICA: Lot of fantasy vodka?

AABRIA: There's so much fantasy vodka!

ANJALI: We're all over there by that far lion, by the way, because we've all been getting that guy.

AABRIA: I don't have to move you, it's totally fine, we know what we're doing here. We only needed this if it was going to be the fight that I thought it was going to be. But it ain't.

AIMEE: It might be, I don't know, I've been rolling bad.

AABRIA: But here's what happens. You shatter the wall. The dynamite goes off and severs the bottom, rickety stone work that's holding it up and you all crack and begin to fall away. Three of the points were exposed. One of them isn't, so everything's a little heavy and you list to the side, everyone's sliding towards the lion and floating off and away as that momentum begins to carry you down and away off of the wall.

AABRIA: Opal, you have two problems in front of you. One, the lion isn't shattered, but two, you have to get this Major Image up. As the wall crumbles away, you see scores of-- They don't wear a uniform, but by the very plainness of them, their blood-spattered nature, and how calm and serene they seem about all of this. Those are Nameless Ones, and they're staring you five-- six, because Cyrus is there-- down. I need you to make a performance check for me.

AIMEE: Please, please, please.

AABRIA: Is there anything--

AIMEE: What is that?

ANJALI: Unless is there anything--?

AABRIA: Before we look, is there anything anyone wanted to do to help bolster her attempt?

ANJALI: Can we support her? Can we sing a bardic in--

AIMEE: Can I use a reaction?

ANJALI: Can we sing to her and tell her--

AABRIA: Yeah, what do you want to do with your reaction?

AIMEE: I want to add five to my attack roll. Can I do that?

AABRIA: You know what? I'll allow it.

AIMEE: No, you don't have to.

AABRIA: No, it's fine.

AIMEE: Okay, wait, that still probably doesn't get me shit.

AABRIA: You didn't roll it in the thing. Roll it in your box.

AIMEE: Okay, fine.

AABRIA: You can get that die back. It's just a little rogue die.

AIMEE: I fucking hate this dice set. Okay, okay. Here we go. This is my special Opal dice with spiders in it. Don't fuck me over.


ROBBIE: (laughs)

AIMEE: It fucked me over. Okay, so wait, so okay. All right.

ROBBIE: What does she need to do? She's got to put the image up?

AIMEE: I got to put the image up.

AABRIA: This is a performance check to get the timing of this right.

AIMEE: Okay, but I can add the five or no?

AABRIA: Say what you're going to say.

ROBBIE: I want to help her by maintaining-- I feel like because we're listing, it's going to put us out of the view of her thing. I want to give her another chance.


ROBBIE: I'm going to look at my brother, and I'm going to grab his hand. We're going to run toward the edge, and as we're running, I'm going to pull my new mandolin out, give it a little strum, and I'm going to cast Fly on him.


ROBBIE: We both go up and over the edge and under, and we'll try to catch that bottom right area and push it up to keep us in place just long enough to maintain so that she's got another chance to put that one square over the other so we're not moving anymore.

AABRIA: Amazing.

ROBBIE: We're trying.

AABRIA: I love this. Give me an athletics check. Cyrus will do the same.

ROBBIE: Mm-hmm.

AABRIA: Cocked die. Okay, he got a 14. He's doing his best.

ROBBIE: Athletics, not great for me. Well, 16.

AABRIA: Oh, yeah.


AABRIA: You're pushing, he's pushing. It's hard to have purchase when you're in the air. Everything levels out just a little bit. Give me one more attempt.

AIMEE: One more attempt, okay.

AABRIA: Hey. Roll good.

AIMEE: I'm trying!

ROBBIE: Please roll good!

AIMEE: Please, roll good.

ANJALI: You got it, girl, you got it.

AIMEE: Oh my god.

MATT: No bardic inspiration you want to throw over there?

ANJALI: We believe in you.

ROBBIE: Oh my god, yes.

ANJALI: You've done so many things.

ROBBIE: I did it when I said--

AABRIA: How do you say it without trying to say it like--

AIMEE: Want to Bless me too, Dariax?

ROBBIE: Use my four if you need it.

AABRIA: It's not a d4.

ROBBIE: What is it?

AABRIA: It's a d8.

ROBBIE: It's an eight now? Fucking use that one. (laughter)

AIMEE: Okay, so what do I do? I roll the d20 and then add my--

ANJALI: Add your five, and that eight.

AIMEE: Add my five and add my persuasion?

ANJALI: That seems like a lot.

ROBBIE: We need this to work.

AIMEE: Okay, okay.


MATT: Add the eight.

AIMEE: Add the eight. Okay, wait. Okay, yeah.


AIMEE: Plus, so plus four. That's 23.

ALL: 23.

AABRIA: A 23. Describe for me the Major Image you put in place.

AIMEE: Okay.

AABRIA: People are staring out at this rubble. As the dust clears, something new flickers into life in their vision. Just a half a beat off, but who could know in the chaos of what's going on? What does it look like?

AIMEE: So what I would like-- I don't know if this can work. But what I would like to, because she's doing a lot right now. What I would like to do is, I would like them to see it crumble, like crack, or the weight of it just tip, like there's been an explosion, and everybody fall to their death. But before that happens-- There's fire, obviously, because of the booze.

AABRIA: Obviously.

AIMEE: And because of the dynamite. Before that happens, would it be possible, in my Major Image, to use Disguise Self? Can I do that in my Major Image? Can I do that?

AABRIA: (laughs) Sure.

AIMEE: Probably not, but let's just say.

AABRIA: Why would I say no to you?

AIMEE: Why would you say no?

AABRIA: It's fine.

AIMEE: I'm going to Disguise Self as fucking Poska so they can see their sweet fucking leader just fall to her death, and break their hearts on top of all of it.

AABRIA: Incredible. They see you all crumbling. I'll do you one better. It's not just Poska. It's Poska standing triumphant over your groups' corpses. She was victorious, but sacrificed herself, as it all crumbles and falls away. They run up to the edge, but you've detached and floated away from the wall. So they're just looking down at the Major Image that they think is it crumbling into ruin.

AIMEE: Right.

AABRIA: Dozens of feet below you. As you all set off to the side, and you guys are still pushing up.

ROBBIE: Pushing up.

AABRIA: But it's still listing a little bit. You need to take care--

ANJALI: I'm going to run over that--

MATT: Bless on all of us. (agreeing)

ANJALI: Let's attack the lion.

AABRIA: Please, I have to remind you. That a Major Image has happened, and you're going to be creating a bunch of sound. Anything you got for that? Or are you just letting it ride?

ANJALI: Sound, sound. You're too busy, so you can't do that deafening thing.

ROBBIE: I'm lifting a building!

AIMEE: I'm going to help with--

MATT: Actually, I got it. I got it. I'm going to hand one of you the mace.

ANJALI: I got it.

MATT: Be like: All right, time it. Tell me when you're going to go. (laughter)

ANJALI: Okay. Oh my god, I'm so excited. Okay, three, two, one! And I'm going to smash--

MATT: I cast Thaumaturgy on the far top part of the building to have another small explosion and rumble sound to draw their attention.



AABRIA: Give me an attack roll and a performance check.

MATT: Hell yeah, I'm so good at this.

ANJALI: Okay, 14 attack.

AABRIA: Oh my god.

MATT: 20! I am!


MATT: A dirty 20.

AABRIA: Amazing! Look, a dirty 20 is still a 20, baby.

ANJALI: And eight plus five, 13.

AABRIA: To hit?

ANJALI: No, no, 13 damage.

AABRIA: Oh yeah. That is enough.

ANJALI: It's one strike. Okay.

ERICA: I can't believe...

AABRIA: Your hit and Opal's--

ERICA: I just can't believe.

AABRIA: -- earlier spell...

MATT: No, it's because you did believe.

ANJALI: Believe!

AIMEE: It's because you believed. (laughter)

ANJALI: We were here all along.

AIMEE: ♪ Believe ♪ (laughter)

AABRIA: You now are drifting probably 20 feet away from the wall of the casino. People are looking down and murmuring. The fight breaks back out. They hear the sound of more explosions and people are running back inside to go join the fray in other parts of the building.

ANJALI: Since I'm right there, having exposed the brumestone, I'm just going to squat down and be like: Come back, but not loud.


ANJALI: Just quietly.

AABRIA: Perfect. Cyrus looks at you. "Did we do it?"

ROBBIE: Come back?

ANJALI: Come on.

AABRIA: "Are we dead?"

ROBBIE: We don't want to go?

ANJALI: No, we want to go. Let's push this off.

AIMEE: Okay, wait, so I'll cast Fly on myself, because we need a propeller?

ROBBIE: Do you have Fly?

AIMEE: I do.

ANJALI: What...


AIMEE: Is that too much?

ANJALI: We need to--

ROBBIE: No, go, Fly!

AIMEE: We need a propeller!

ROBBIE: Let's all be-- We will become propellers. (laughter)

ANJALI: I don't understand what's happening.

ROBBIE: Peak high fantasy. Everyone turn into a simple machine! (laughter)

AABRIA: I have to say it. Cyrus is pushing on the side with you. Opal, you cast Fly on yourself to come join, correct?

AIMEE: Wait, do I need any strength for this?

AABRIA: No, don't worry about it.

AIMEE: Okay, because I'll just cast it on Fy'ra Rai.

AABRIA: You can just putt-putt push. It's fine.

AIMEE: Right.

ERICA: I'll just hang out.

AABRIA: Cyrus is going to interpose himself between you and Dorian, and he's going to spend this entire time pushing absolutely macking on you.

AIMEE: Great, you know what? You had your shot yesterday. Not now.

AABRIA: "What? What do you mean not now?"

AIMEE: I was flirting with you. I told you to take your shirt off.

AABRIA: "And I did it!"

ROBBIE: I'll fly to the other side. We got equal thrust of some sort.

ANJALI: I'm going to be running from side to side using my pull to steer if we come close to something, I'll just push us off.

MATT: Quick, Mor, we got to help them, too. Go over to the edge where they are, and (blows) (laughter)

MATT: (blows)

ERICA: (tiny puff)

ROBBIE: I think it would work.

MATT: It's working!

ROBBIE: We're weightless, right? It's working a little bit.

AIMEE: It's not nothing. Do this.

ANJALI: Don't you guys--

AABRIA: You're just-- flap your hands! (laughs)

ANJALI: You're air... peoples. You're air genasi! Can't you make the thing--

ROBBIE: We're pushing the whole thing!

ANJALI: I know.

AABRIA: Cyrus is pushing, but he's also doggy kicking. Like, "This is helping. I think."

ROBBIE: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

AABRIA: While continuing to flirt with Opal. And you guys...

ROBBIE: Say it.

AABRIA: Do it. You... (laughter)

ERICA: I cannot believe.

ROBBIE: Say fly off into the sunset!

ANJALI: We did it!

AABRIA: You literally fly off into the sunset.

AIMEE: We did a poodle!

ANJALI: We did a poodle! We did a poodle! We did a poodle!

AABRIA: The world's craziest poodle.

AIMEE: I was really actually looking forward to facing off with some of these faceless ones.

AABRIA: They are Nameless.

AIMEE and ROBBIE: Nameless, Nameless.

ANJALI: They would've been faceless after we were done with them!

AIMEE: They would've been.


MATT: (laughs)

ERICA: Oh...

AABRIA: I still had more lieutenants.

ANJALI: I know, so this is--

AABRIA: Give me a perception check, as you move at half the speed of smell into the distance.

ANJALI: Yeah, that's the other thing is like--

AABRIA: Like a fart has caught up with y'all and is overtaking you. (laughter)

ERICA: I just love-- This image-- I don't... (laughter)

ANJALI: 13 plus... What is it? What was it, perception?

AABRIA: A perception.


MATT: The most arduous heist that's ever happened. (grinding of stones)

AIMEE: Truly, like elevator music "Girl From Ipanema" starts playing.

MATT: We're free!

ALL: ♪ Do do do do do do do ♪ (laughter)


AABRIA: You see from the balcony-- You actually look out across at The Maiden's Wish casino: Devastated, under fire, full of pitched bloody battle. Your eyes glance off to the penthouse. In the balcony, you see your sister, and your sister sees you, and she just watches. She was never deceived by the Major Image, and she is waiting. When you finally lock eyes with her, you can see just the whites of her teeth as she grins menacingly at you. Saying nothing, just staring. Knowing that her time, your time is still coming. And she is patient and she is delighted. Do you do or say anything?

ANJALI: I mean, I... She's far away. We're going very, very slow. (laughter)

ANJALI: I want to be--

MATT: The longest stare.

AABRIA: You guys have like a pigeon slowly... (laughter)

ROBBIE: It's like normal movement speed. It's at least 30 feet every six seconds.

ANJALI: I want to be dramatic, but I-- As I see her, my hair flares a little bit more. My tattoos start to flare up a little bit more. I pull out the tiger's eye, and I just hold it in my hand like this and close it.

AABRIA: She folds her arms. She's not wearing any weapon you can see. You don't know what you knew about her from before, before you began searching. But she looks at your hand as it closes. You see her neck shift a little bit like she was cracking her neck, but you hear it like it's right next to you, as the tiger's eye in your hand shatters in half. She gives you a little nod and turns and walks back inside the penthouse. So you did it. Against all odds. In defiance of, truly, logic.

AIMEE: Logic.

MATT: (laughs)

AABRIA: And understanding. I want to end with Mor. In this moment, what are you thinking about? What are you feeling? This group of absolute numbskulls has just helped you pull off the biggest heist that Tal'Dorei has ever seen.

MATT: Awesome and slow.

AABRIA: (guffaws) It's both those things! (laughter)

AABRIA: World's slowest victory lap. As you drift...

ERICA: I look out, because I can see over Kymal, right?


ERICA: And past Kymal?


ERICA: There are mountains, I'm assuming.

AABRIA: There's the Ironseat Ridge to the northwest. There are a bunch of flats and some river waterways way off in the distance, and a little wooded area to the southwest.

ERICA: She's never-- Like I'm assuming we're up pretty high, yeah?


ERICA: Like I look out, and I've never been up so high before. I've never seen it. I've seen the mountains, but I've never seen them like this. It just reminds me that there's so much more out there for me to see. I think she's just quiet.

AABRIA: As you take it all in, your mind drifts back to your point of entry from the Feywild. To that incredibly kind, incredibly old woman that sent you on her way-- on your way. With only her name on your lips, Morrighan. You saw in that moment as she pushed you through the promise in her smile that you would see more, and you will look down on a world and change it. That it was just for you to do, good or bad, just you. Then you came here, and here you are now. Your last thought as you look out into the sunset, because truly, time is-- You've spent a whole day just drifting up here. A single raven lands on the brumestone that you're standing beside, and looks at you and calmly regards you, unblinking, uncanny, but with you in the silence as something great and terrible approves of what you've done today. And that's where we're going to end our two-part adventure.

AIMEE: Make it three! (cheering)

AABRIA: Exandria Unlimited: Kymal.

ANJALI: You guys-- What a poodle!

ROBBIE: Break the balcony.

AABRIA: What's a poodle?

ANJALI: Now that's a poodle.

AIMEE: Now that's a poodle.

AABRIA: Now that's what I call a poodle. Volume two.

MATT: Hell yeah.

AIMEE: God, that was fun.

MATT: That was awesome.

AABRIA: Holy crap. Okay.

ANJALI: Oh my goodness, you are magic.

AABRIA: No, you!

ANJALI: That was so-- Thank you.

AIMEE: It was so much fun.

AABRIA: Thanks for coming back and telling some more stories. It's so fun.

AIMEE: Let's do it again.

ROBBIE: We got 50K and a floating balcony! Let's go!

AIMEE: Come on!

ERICA: So much money!

AIMEE: The sky's the limit!

ERICA: Literally.

ANJALI: It's a little slow. We'll work on it.

AABRIA: It's a little slow. You have time.

ANJALI: We have time. Someone's going to figure out a propulsion system.

AABRIA: There's no bathroom up here, and that's just the most important thing.

ERICA: We can pee on the side where people are not pushing.

ANJALI: Did you forget that their relationship started with peeing off a wall?

AIMEE: That's true.

ANJALI: They know how to pee off walls. They can pee off walls.

MATT: I was about to say, some people got skyships. We got a sky bar up here.

ALL: Yeah.

ANJALI: That's right!

AABRIA: You blew up all the alcohol. (booing)

ERICA: Unforch, unforch.

AIMEE: Eventually, we're going to have to land this bitch. How is the question.

AABRIA: It's such an important question.

ANJALI: We're going to steer.

ERICA: Oh my gosh, brumestone's also worth so much money, right?

AABRIA: (laughs)

AIMEE: We're rich.

AABRIA: It's a hard fence.

ERICA: Oh, is it?

MATT: Oh yeah.

AABRIA: It's a very, very controlled substance.

ANJALI: Can you touch brumestone?

AABRIA: Yeah, you can touch it. It's just there. Well, I don't know. Is that true? Am I just lying? Am I telling lies? Cool.

MATT: Yeah.

MATT and AABRIA: (laugh)

AABRIA: Amazing. All right. I do just want to say thank you so much. This is always an honor and a joy to get to play and tell stories with you. Thank you for joining me on this crazy quick adventure with weird mechanics and new and old faces. I'm not going to cry this time, because (sniffs) I don't want to. But thank you so much. Thank you so much for joining us. (applause) (cheering)

AABRIA: You're incredible.

AIMEE: So big and strong.

AABRIA: You're so big. You're the biggest bunny I've ever seen.

ERICA: You're so big.

AABRIA: Amazing. So thank you all out there for enjoying our-- Well, I hope you enjoyed it. Joining us for our story. Until we all meet again, love you. Be safe, be good, and is it Thursday yet? Wait, it's Friday. Aw, no, cut the feed! (laughter)