Critical Role Wiki

This wiki contains spoilers for the entirety of Critical Role and The Legend of Vox Machina. Proceed at your own risk!


Critical Role Wiki
Critical Role Wiki

List of Transcripts


MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to DOOM Eternal, a very special one-shot in partnership with our friends at Bethesda and id Software. Now, we are super excited to bring this special brand of one-shot to life from a franchise that many of us have been fans of for a very long time, myself, since early middle school back in the Stone Age. I think Sam learned about it this morning.

SAM: Go Doom, go Doom! (laughter)

MATT: But yeah, I think a few of us have quite a bit experience with this over time, and we're super stoked to be part of this. For those of you who aren't familiar with DOOM Eternal, it is an amazing and badass FPS game where Hell's armies have invaded earth, and you, the Doom Slayer, must conquer demons across dimensions to stop the final destruction of humanity. Remember that first part though. The game is out on March 20th for Xbox One, PS4, PC, and Stadia, and you can find more info and pick up the game at

LAURA: (as Mancubus) Doom Eternal!

MATT: That one. (laughter) I've already got mine ready to download. But big thanks to Bethesda and id Software for their support in letting us have fun in the DOOM universe. Let's go ahead and introduce everyone at the table. First off, I am Matthew Mercer, I will be the Game Master for this session, and I'm so excited! (laughter) Whew, that's enough from me. Starting on this side, we have Taliesin Jaffe here--

TALIESIN: Hello, hello.

MATT: -- playing as the Marauder, one of the many demons. Which, by the way, everyone here is playing demons.


MATT: The Marauder, which you nicknamed?

TALIESIN: His name is Kreel.

MATT: Kreel?


MATT: Kreel, the Marauder.

TALIESIN: All right.

MATT: Perfect, to the side here we have Anjali Bhimani--

ANJALI: Hello, hello.

MATT: -- who will be playing as the fantastic Pain Elemental. If you want to show off the pieces of your demons.

ANJALI: Yes, she's fantastic! And her name is Phyllis. She heard this name off world somewhere and she liked it, so she took it like the souls she takes. (laughs)

MATT: Oh, I'm so excited. All right, fantastic, and first time here at the table with us, very happy to have Jasmine Bhullar joining us as the Revenant.

JASMINE: Yes, it's true, I'm Reva Mashentire, the saucy revenant in the party. Very excited to be here. (cackles)

SAM: Oh!

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: Fantastic. We have our resident dunce, Sam Riegel, joining us at the table as the excited newbie to be joining us here in the world of DOOM, playing as the Archvile.

SAM: Right, yeah, so I'm the Archvile, Ickybod. And although I am the resident dunce, Ickybod is the smartest one on the table, so probably fancies himself a little bit more in charge than the rest, but we'll see if that sticks. (laughter) And if this voice sticks.

MATT: Also viable, and to finish up our troop of demons for tonight's game, we have Laura Bailey, playing as Mancubus!

LAURA: I'm Mancubus!

MATT: Nicknamed?

LAURA: Mancubus! I'm a demon!

MATT: Perfect, I can't ask for a better introduction.

JASMINE: I love him so much.

MATT: Well, with our troop of demonic entities gathered, I think it's time for us to jump into tonight's one-shot of DOOM Eternal. (laughs)

(heavy techno music)

Part I[]

MATT: So, in the year 2095, the Union Aerospace Corporation conducted a geological survey of Mars, discovering a strange and unique phenomenon known as the Argent Fracture, a dimensional rift to a dimension dominated by vicious demons. Under the leadership of Dr. Samuel Hayden, the UAC developed exotic technologies based on ancient artifacts from the infernal dimension. They learned to harness and extract what they called Argent Energy. Now, the UAC grew powerful, supplying Earth and humanity with a new rich form of energy for over 50 years, albeit, while obfuscating the source. Over time, the fiendish influence of Hell corrupted the personnel of the UAC, forming a demon-worshiping cult within the corporation that rose and broke open the very gates of Hell, unleashing the demonic hordes upon the Mars facility. All was lost until an ancient warrior, known by the demons of Hell as the Doom Slayer--

LAURA: Doom!

MATT: -- broke free from his chains. The slayer, an unstoppable force of wrath, tore through the invading hordes, ending the reign of the cult leader and sealed the portal to Hell using an ancient energy weapon known as the Crucible, stopping the invasion. Hayden, believing society's reliance on Argent Energy too important and unwilling to end his research, stole the Crucible, banished the Doom Slayer from the earthly realm, and continued to harvest Argent Energy using the Crucible weapon. Hayden's desire to exploit Argent Energy came at an apocalyptic cost. The forces of Hell could not be stopped. A mass invasion of Earth by demons brought humanity to its knees. Much of the surface lays burning and poisoned as the landscape twists to the presence of Hell's armies. Hulking demons roam and hunt the ruins, dragging whomever they find to their screaming end. The few survivors who resist the invasion formed the ARC, a resistance military helmed by the now humbled Dr. Hayden himself. Using Argent technology to fight the hordes head on, they mount up in exosuits and battle mechs to wade into the losing battle. You, however, relish in this destruction, as you are each champion demons of the armies of Hell: brutal, violent engines of destruction, who helped slaughter the remnants of the Night Sentinels of Argent and claimed their realm as your own. Now, with the dominion of Earth nigh, you've been called by the Infernal Bishop of the Blood Temple, Deag Grav. The stone steps of the Blood Temple before you, you gather your senses and patiently foster your bloodlust as you ascend, meeting for the first time as you climb towards the apex of the temple itself.

JASMINE: I've never been here before. Have you been here before?

SAM: Of course I've been here before, lots of times. It's just right up there.

JASMINE: What's inside?

SAM: Evil stuff.

JASMINE: Ooh, I like evil stuff.

SAM: Of course, we all do, we're demons? We're demons.

LAURA: Yeah. Mancubus!

TALIESIN: Well, if you've been here before, lead the way.

SAM: Sure, of course I will. It's right up these stairs here. Just on my six as we go.

JASMINE: Like single file? I just don't see the point.

ANJALI: Go, go, go!

SAM: All right, all right.

ANJALI: Go up the stairs!

MATT: You all ascend the temple stairs, coming to its apex, where you can see the stone rising archways, and the strangely, non-Euclidean structuring of this temple top. There, you see a cloaked figure, towering above you at the very, very zenith, shrouded in shadow. The voice quakes around you, sourceless and terrifying. Elements of a gray, withered face peer from beneath the hood, eyes burning like coals atop a twisted grin. You immediately sense this is the presence of Deag Grav.

LAURA: Whoa.

MATT: "Their world burns. The smoke, roiling banners of imminent victory. As their flesh fails, their bones scatter, some still cling to hope in a defiant act of arrogant futility. The one known as Samuel Hayden, the one who claimed the Crucible, now works against us. He hides within an earthly military base, one that could not avoid our sight. We believe here, he toys with his Argent power, and has come to create a weapon of mild concern. I know enough to not give in to hubris and underestimate the intellect of Dr. Hayden. I have selected you, proven instruments of Hell, to claw your way into this place. Kill what gets in your way, take what is useful, scrounge for what information might aid this endeavor, might teach you about this weapon and its essence. Destroy it, and end Dr. Samuel Hayden. Our hordes now assail the perimeter of this, drawing resources to the front line, away from its belly. You are to strike directly, and with absolute brutality. Do not fail me. Go forth." And you watch as his arm lifts and a portal tears open, showing you a reddish orange skyline filled with blackened smoke across a cracked and broken earthen ground.

LAURA: Lunch! I charge through!

MATT: Mancubus just takes the initiative.

ANJALI: I like him, I follow.

LAURA: We run very slowly towards the.

ANJALI: Both of us, floating slowly by.

TALIESIN: I fire up my axe and make my way through the portal.

MATT: "Archvile?"

SAM: Of course, you have chosen your champions wisely, my lord. I just, and I have a camera around my neck. It's got scrapes and stuff already. It was a human camera that I just sort of scavenged from someone. I just was wondering if I could just, you know, like, just take a selfie of us before I go, before we go do your bidding.

MATT: Make a persuasion roll.


ANJALI: Persuasion for selfie.

SAM: Ooh, 20! To document the fury that we will unleash!

MATT: You watch as one of the great entities, these priests of Hell, looks into and through you, leans closely to you, his teeth bared, the smell of the brimstone on his breath swimming in the air around you. "Only if you have the right filter."

SAM: I'll do even better. Reva, touch-ups!

JASMINE: Oh, I've got your back. And I pull out soot and dried up blood, which I've arranged in a beautiful palette. Oh, it's an honor to work on you. Could just give you the most lovely smokey eye. I see you already have a bit going on. I could do magic, we do magic together.

SAM: Maybe just on me.

MATT: "Quickly."

SAM: All right, all right, let's just do it.

JASMINE: I'll take it.

SAM: You take it, you take it.

JASMINE: So your arm's not in the way.

MATT and SAM: (growl)

SAM: Okay, good, good, good.

MATT: "Now, go!"

SAM: Yes, my lord.

JASMINE: (kazoo dooting)

SAM: We rush ahead. (laughter) Where did you get that?

JASMINE: I doot, from time to time when I get excited, I can't help it. Sometimes it just comes out of me, I just doot.

SAM: You doot?

JASMINE: I doot.

SAM: On we go.

JASMINE: Just bursts forth.

MATT: As you charge through the infernal portal, your massive, dangerous, murderous demon frames touching down on the broken earth beneath your feet, for those of you who have feet, sorry, Phyllis.

ANJALI: No feet, angry!

MATT: You emerge at the base of a giant red mesa. You can see the red rock climbing high into the nightmarish, smoke-choked, orange sky. Here, you can see the distant, twisted remnants of a city under siege, flashes of gunfire and explosions in the distance. A loud (booming) rocks the air as you look behind to see a major battle ensuing less than a mile from you. You've arrived right behind enemy lines, unnoticed so far. As you look ahead at the mesa, there before you, a brown and red painted metal door stands 20 feet wide, 10 feet tall. Above it, two large turrets fire heavy artillery (gunfire booming) over you, towards the distant battlefront. You assume this is the entrance to the base. How do you wish to proceed?

LAURA: What are we supposed to do again?

SAM: Enter the structure, find the weapon, destroy it, and also kill Dr. Samuel Hayden of the ARC.

JASMINE: What does he-- What kind of weapon are we up against? Is it a gun, is it a really big gun?

ANJALI: I think we'll know it when we see it.

JASMINE: What about those big guns, do we need to worry about those big guns?

ANJALI: Not if we're behind them--

MATT: (booming)

ANJALI: -- and we're looking at the door. I'm looking at the door, trying to see if there's anything fishy about it. Does it look like something we can just open and go barreling through?

MATT: Make an investigation check.

ANJALI: Oh, okay.

MATT: As you float up and start inspecting it.

LAURA: I'm looking around, are there any humans that are close that I can eat?

MATT: Not nearby, unfortunately. All of them are towards the front lines.

LAURA: (groans)

ANJALI: Investigation? 13.

MATT: 13, you don't see any tricks to it, though you do see there are a few power cables at the very, very apex of it that emerge from some of the rock and seem to be connected to a locking mechanism that fits in multiple places along where the split of the doors currently lies.

ANJALI: You, big guy, look at these wires. Can you cut them?


ANJALI: Oh, I guess...

LAURA: I got no hands.

MATT: (laughs)

LAURA: I could...

TALIESIN: All right, wait.

LAURA: (gnawing)

ANJALI: Maybe you could, like, shoot them with your large guns.

ANJALI: Is he shooting them?

LAURA: I could.

ANJALI: Or is he chewing them?

LAURA: Sure.

MATT: Okay, what's the range on your heavy cannons?

SAM: 30.

LAURA: 30 to 60 feet!

MATT: Yeah, they're about 20 feet at the top of the door, so you can fire up at them. (gunfire booming) Go ahead and make two attack rolls against the locking mechanism's power cable.

LAURA: Plus five.

SAM: Ooh, ooh!

LAURA: Ooh, I rolled a 18 and a 19.

MATT: I'm going to say that hits, go ahead and roll damage for both of those.

LAURA: Okay. (groans) 12 damage.

MATT: 12 damage?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: (explosions booming) Both of them impact. You watch as a blaze of sparks goes flying as both cables (electricity crackling) flail about for a bit before the power goes limp, and the doors (scraping) begin to open.

ANJALI: I really like him.

LAURA: Mancubus!

SAM: Excellent work, Mancubus.

TALIESIN: Well done, well done.

LAURA: I go through the door.

MATT: All right, you guys enter.

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: There you go, Mancubus has entered the door.

JASMINE: All right. He just kind of went in.

SAM: Mancubus just takes the bull by the horns.

ANJALI: We're slow enough that you can catch up and stop us if you ever want to.

LAURA: That's true, Mancubus moves pretty slow.

SAM: Oh, you've literally moved three feet since you said--

LAURA: Pretty much.

SAM: Okay, all right.

MATT: Mancubus, you've plowed in before everybody else, as you're all waiting outside. You step into what looks like some sort of a loading bay. You can see sort of metallic pillars on the sides. There are many crates, metallic boxes that contain, the ones that are partially opened, artillery shells that probably were loaded into the turrets above. You can see, there are three workers that are currently moving materials out, and two armored ARC marines standing there, that, all of a sudden, all turn to look towards you as the doors open.

LAURA: How far away are they?

MATT: About 20 feet from you.

LAURA: (gunfire blasting)

MATT: Let's go ahead and roll some initiative.

ANJALI: Do it!

SAM: Oh, initiative. Is that all of us?

ANJALI: Do it!

MATT: Yeah. Though, you have advantage on yours Mancubus, because you were the first one in.

LAURA: Okay.

SAM: Ooh, (heavy industrial music) sickening beats just started.


TALIESIN: Negative one.

ANJALI: Oh. (laughs)

MATT: Oh man.

LAURA: Oh, I have advantage on initiative, you said?

MATT: Yeah, because you got in there first.

LAURA: (gasping) Oh ho!

SAM: (laughs)

MATT: Okay, 25 to 20?

LAURA: Natural 20!

MATT: Oh damn, Mancubus is up front!

LAURA and SAM: Mancubus!

MATT: Mancubus, you got it, all right.

TALIESIN: Burninator.

MATT: All right, 20 to 15.

TALIESIN: 15, yes.

MATT: 15, we got the Marauder, Kreel.

SAM: (bass booming)

MATT: All right, 15 to 10.



MATT: 12, all right. So, we have Reva, and we have Phyllis, the demons. All right, and...

SAM: Ickybod rolled an eight.

MATT: Ickybod, the Archvile coming up there.

JASMINE: We're just too busy fixing our makeup.

MATT: All right, so, catching them off guard, you can see them all spin and try and get their weapons out ready, but you got the jump on them with the unexpected arrival. Mancubus, you're up first.

LAURA: (gunfire blasting)

MATT: Who are you going for? There are the two marines and the workers.

LAURA: I'm going to go for the marines! One cannon for each marine!

MATT: Okay, go for it.

LAURA: Okay. 16 for one, and 10 for the other.

MATT: The second one misses, but the first one does hit. Go ahead and roll damage. Kreel, you're on deck.

LAURA: Seven damage!

MATT: Seven points of damage. (cannon blasting) You blast the marine with your heavy cannon, and he (grunts) falls back for a second, (grunts) gets back up, and you can see where the armor's cracked a bit and a little bit of red is showing beneath as blood's beginning to pour from the wound. He's, took a fair hit.

LAURA: Nice.

MATT: Finishing, are you--

LAURA: What's nearby me?

MATT: Nearby, you can see there's an artillery crate where two of the workers are currently standing, and they're both frozen with fear, and they're about to drop and run.

LAURA: Are there tanks, are there--

MATT: No tanks in this space.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: It's just a loading bay. Looks like they're loading equipment through, and most of it's just an empty space right now.

LAURA: And there's nothing up high, there's nothing level around me?

MATT: You do see, there are a couple of catwalks about maybe 25 feet up on the right and left sides of the chamber.

LAURA: Can I use my movement to move forward and infernally leap 30 feet in the air and land on the catwalk?

MATT: Sure.

SAM: Yeah!

MATT: You lumber over and (whooshing) jump, and then (impact thudding) you land on the catwalk, which (creaking) bends a little bit under your weight, but holds.

LAURA: All right.

MATT: Finishing your go. Kreel, you're up.

SAM: Buttholds.

MATT: Reva, on deck.

TALIESIN: Are the two marines next to each other?

MATT: They're about 10 feet from each other.

TALIESIN: Perfect, I'm going to take a running leap, double leap up at the one that just got hit by the cannon.

MATT: Okay, so the one's already wounded, as it's recoiling, getting his weapon ready, you leap and jump in the air, then leap a second time off of some sort of arcane platform that briefly apparates beneath you.

TALIESIN: I'm going to stand right in front of him and take a shot with the axe, the infernal axe.

MATT: Okay. (whooshing) Swing with the axe against him.

TALIESIN: That's a 14.

MATT: 14 hits, you can roll damage.

TALIESIN: That's, ew, five damage.

MATT: Five damage, okay. (whooshing) You strike him, he looks hurt.

TALIESIN: Taking another hit.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: Oh, that definitely hits, 20.

MATT: That hits, yeah, roll damage.

TALIESIN: Oh, that's better, 15 points of damage.

SAM: Whoa!

MATT: 15.

TALIESIN: I'm just going to cleave, shoulder to hip. I'm just going to try and get a--

MATT: And you do, that's enough to finish him.

TALIESIN: -- nice slice all the way through.

MATT: After the first hit pulls him back, and he withdraws in pain, gets his weapon up, and before he can even get it to your face, the second swing carves through. You watch him stand for a second as he (sloshing) slides open, splattering into two halves. His friend goes (gasps) "Shason!"

TALIESIN: (laughs) Turn to the other one. All right.

MATT: That's that, you got it. Reva, you're up.

JASMINE: I fire up my jet pack and fly through the air with the greatest of ease.

MATT: (jet pack whooshing)

SAM: Cool!

JASMINE: I land right in front of the other worker, and I just say: Happy birthday! (cackles) I just fire off a rocket.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: Point blank?

JASMINE: Point blank! I'm reckless!

MATT: Is this one of the workers or the marine?

JASMINE: One of the workers, I like them scared, and I like them wriggling. (laughter) 20.

MATT: 20 definitely hits. You can go ahead and roll damage on that.

JASMINE: 10 fire damage.

MATT: He immediately explodes. Pieces go flying everywhere in this gory detonation.

JASMINE: Confetti!

MATT: It just sprays and rains a bit in the moment, and since you were so close to him, it sprays you a bit.

JASMINE: (squeals)

MATT: The other two workers go, (screams) and they drop the artillery shells, they go (clanging) on the ground, and they're both ready to go for a sprint. And you still have, I believe, you can shoot two rockets in a round.

JASMINE: Ooh. I want to shoot one of them while they're running away!

MATT: Go for it.


JASMINE: It's 11.

MATT: 11 still hits. They don't have armor on, they're workers, they're civilians.


MATT: Nine damage. He goes running away (gasping) and looks over his shoulder, in that final pillar of salt, Sodom and Gomorrah moment, and is just scattered into dust and flesh against the wall. The one worker, (screams) is just high pitched screaming and trying to run towards, you see another set of double doors that are still about 10 feet wide that lead into a larger chamber beyond it on the opposite side of the room. That finishes your turn. All right, finishing with Reva, that brings it to Phyllis.

ANJALI: So wait, what's left? We have half a marine?

MATT: You have one marine who hasn't been damaged yet, who is getting ready to bring his weapon up and fire. Gesundheit. And there is one worker that is now fleeing from the blood spray that is his two friends.

ANJALI: All right, (growls) I don't trust this marine. All right, I'm, first thing up, shield, and immediately this wall of faces comes out in front of me, and you see the faces of so many souls that I've eaten, protecting me from everything. (laughs)

MATT: (mutters gibberish)

ANJALI: And I float away, behind Mancubus.

MATT: All right.

ANJALI: I'm just going to hide here behind you, darling.

SAM: You're just hiding?

MATT: Here's the great thing: You're a little bit slower than Mancubus. You are predominantly the slowest member of the party, so you don't quite get to Mancubus, but you're cruising your way there. (groans)

ANJALI: Right, I'm going, I like you, I really like you! I like your style! Get me away from this marine.

MATT: So go ahead and roll your dice for your soul shield.

ANJALI: Oh my god, what do I do?

MATT: Should be...


ANJALI: 3d8.

MATT: 3d8 plus eight temporary hit points you gain.

TALIESIN: It's not slouchy.

ANJALI: 15. 19.

MATT: Plus eight.

ANJALI: Plus eight, so 27.

MATT: So write that down, 27 temporary hit points on top of you.


MATT: You got it. Okay, so finishing your go, Phyllis, Ickybod, you are up, and then it's the ARC.

SAM: So, there's one marine, one worker.

MATT: Correct.

SAM: The worker's fleeing.

MATT: Yes.

SAM: Hasn't reached the door yet?


SAM: Okay. Right, Ickybod will try to prevent the worker from leaving by raising my flaming hands, right?

MATT: Yep. (flames whooshing)

SAM: And casting a spell of Rolling Fire right at the fellow who's running away. I want it to roll like a bowling ball, right at him. Natural one.


MATT: It careens very wide.

LAURA: Go Ickybod!

SAM: Put a little spin on it.

MATT: That's okay, you can attack with rolling fire twice in one turn.

SAM: Okay, I will reposition the rolling ball as it rolls for a-- ooh, a 17.

MATT: 17 does hit, go ahead and roll damage.

SAM: Eight points of fire damage.

MATT: Eight points of fire damage. Arcing it back, it spins into a flame tornado at the last minute, curling into him as he goes running, arms out, and he's about to shout into the next chamber, before the flames just (flames whooshing) engulf him. You hear a brief scream (screams) as the heat absorbs any ability for him to speak or make noise before he just slowly becomes a cinder on the ground.

SAM: Excellent. I will use my relatively slow speed to enter the room, and then, as a bonus action, I will teleport right next to the other marine and just sort of. (hisses)

MATT: All righty, so as you stomp in, you appear right next to him and he, his weapon was originally traced onto you, but then you catch his attention and he spins instinctually, and it is his turn. He's going to attack with the burst rifle. Immediately just tries to unload into the Archvile. That is a 16 to hit. What is your armor class?

SAM: That hits.

MATT: All right. You take eight points of piercing damage. (gunfire blasting) As the burst fire round goes blasting into your side, doing a little bit of damage, but not enough to really bother you too much at the moment.

SAM: (hisses)

MATT: He is going to attempt to back away from both of you. He's currently feeling pushed in by each of you. You are not quite close enough to get melee with him, so you do you not get an attack of opportunity, because you were attacking the other guy. You, however, just roll an attack roll as he rushes away from you.

SAM: All right. Oh, well, I don't have an unarmed strike.

MATT: No, just say what you roll.

SAM: So it's 19.

MATT: 19, that hits, all right.

SAM: I'm going to, if I can, pick up half of the dead marine and try to slam him with it.

MATT: I'll allow it. Go ahead and roll a d4 and add your strength modifier.

SAM: d4 plus strength. Two plus two is, I don't know, I'm a demon.


MATT: All righty, so yeah, you slam him for four damage. He gets hit, and runs away. And in a very Jurassic Park moment, looks and sees the friend's arm on his shoulder before it stumbles into his grip. He's like, (screams) and throws it off him, and he's going into a full sprint into the next chamber.

LAURA: He got in there?

MATT: He's at the doors, and he's just crossing the threshold. He did manage to run away.

ANJALI: No, stop him!

MATT: He's starting to shout, so he did manage to make his way in there and start calling attention to whatever is in the next room.

LAURA: Oh no!

MATT: That brings us to top of the round.

SAM: Mancubus!

MATT: Mancubus.

LAURA: Mancubus!

ANJALI: Get him, Mancubus!

LAURA: How far away is he?

MATT: From you, I'd say he's about 40 feet.

LAURA: I'm going to run along the catwalk and jump 30 feet.

MATT: (footsteps thudding)

LAURA: And land behind him.

MATT: (thudding)

LAURA: And I'm going to flame thrower him from behind!

MATT: (flames whooshing) This torrent of flame comes spewing forth out of your arm weapons.

LAURA: These ones are the flame throwers. Those ones are the cannons.

SAM: Whoa!

MATT: So for that, it says...

LAURA: They have to succeed on a dexterity saving throw.

MATT: You got it, all right. That is a, oh, actually, that is an 18. I rolled really high on that.

LAURA: Oh, well he still gets half damage.

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: 14 plus four is 18.

MATT: 18, so he takes nine points of fire damage. The flames engulf him, he yells out in pain, and still trying to run and make his way into the next room. He's still standing.

LAURA: Should have hand-- I should have cannoned him, but it looked fun.

SAM: Of course.

MATT: It was pretty fun. Kreel, you're up.

TALIESIN: I'm going to take my full running speed, try and catch up with this marine. I'm going to get, I've got an 80. If I burn a bonus action I can--

MATT: Yeah, you are quick on the ground.

TALIESIN: I'm going to try and cut him off, get right in his face, and I'm pulling out the hellfire shotgun. I'm just going to try and get it right underneath the lip of the helmet and see if I can get in there.

MATT: Ooh, go for it! Roll for an attack.

TALIESIN: Come on, ah, that's a 18.

MATT: 18 definitely hits, and because he was within five feet of you, you do an additional d10 fire damage.

TALIESIN: d10 damage, all right.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: So that's 13. That's 13, 20, 23 fire damage to the head. Get it right in there.

MATT: As it unleashes, his head just scatters, leaving the shoulders smoking, a little bit of flame burning as a cinder in the--

TALIESIN: Technically, all over you.

MATT: (laughs) Yep!

LAURA: Yeah!

ALL: Mancubus!

LAURA: Lunch! I start scarfing.

MATT: You're just like (gurgling)

ANJALI: (laughs)

TALIESIN: Picking up bits, tearing them off, feeding them to you. There, you aren't, because you don't have arms, you can't pick them up.

LAURA: I can't feed myself.

TALIESIN: There ya go.

MATT: That's amazing. Well, that gets you just past the doors, into the chamber, since you're at the front now. As you pull the shotgun back to reload and look back over, you are in a much larger chamber than the one you were just in. This looks like a main hall of the battlement. This has six large metallic pillars, in pairs that are load bearing on this on this high, 50 foot ceiling above you. You can see all manner of exosuits that are set up on the side, and you can see one other marine standing there with two other workers that have all turned to spin. And the one marine that's there looks more heavily armored than the ones you had previously fought, and is shouting orders. The workers are trying to run northward. And behind him, you see come online, (mechanical whirring) it looks like a battle mech, about 12 feet tall, a person within, exoskeleton made of metal that's Argent powered, getting its weapons online. I'm going to roll to see what his...

TALIESIN: Ah, nope, nope, nope.

MATT: These guys cannot roll initiative.

TALIESIN: (laughs)

SAM: Looks fun.

MATT: All right. Finishing Kreel's turn, that brings us to Reva.

JASMINE: I think I have a little bit of a crazy idea.


SAM: Do it, do it!

JASMINE: You said these workers, they were holding artillery shells?

MATT: Yes.

JASMINE: I'm going to take one of them.

MATT: Okay, you grab it.

JASMINE: And I'm going to hand it to Mancubus and tell him to throw it at them. On Mancubus' turn, of course.

LAURA: I don't have any hands, though.

JASMINE: I'm not strong enough to throw it. I have to admit, I've skipped arm day a few times.

LAURA: I can't even hold onto it.

MATT: (metal clanging)

ANJALI: Oh no.

MATT: It's like a devil stick performance.


SAM: It's a devil stick.

JASMINE: Maybe this was the wrong person to ask. Maybe I should have asked Ickybod to throw it.

SAM: I have beautiful hands.

MATT: You can stand there and hold it in preparation for when Ickybod can catch up to you if you want to.

JASMINE: Ooh, okay, I do this.

MATT: Ickybod's not far.

JASMINE: Almost like I'm setting up for a football shot. I've got it all ready to go, and then he can come and kick it.

SAM: Ooh!

MATT: All right, you got it.

JASMINE: You get a running start.

SAM: All right.

MATT: Perfect, so you're Lucy and the football holding the artillery shell there. Perfect.

JASMINE: I've knelt and I've got one hand right on the top of it. I'm ready to go.

MATT: I love it. All right, finishing Reva's turn, Phyllis, you're up.

ANJALI: I see this thing come online, and I decide to shoot a soul at it. Who should I shoot at it? Who have I eaten lately that would be good against it?

TALIESIN: I don't know, where have you been lately?

ANJALI: Oh, I shoot the soul of someone called... Johnny Cash! He sang about a ring of fire! He sang about something called a ring of fire, and I want it consume the demon thingy, The non-demon thingy. So I shoot a lost soul and say: Take my ring of fire! (singing tune of "Ring of Fire")

MATT: Okay, because--

SAM: Are all of your souls celebrities?

ANJALI: I don't-- what's a celebrity? (laughter) They're delicious, I can tell you that.

MATT: You are somewhat slow. You only move about 25 feet as you fly through the air in that direction. The battle mech is about, I'd say, 100 feet from you, so what's the range--

ANJALI: But I have a range on this.

MATT: What's the range on your soul shield projectile?

ANJALI: Oh, this is lost soul, that's what I was, the lost soul.

MATT: Oh, you're, okay, got you.

ANJALI: I'm not shooting all of them.

MATT: Okay, got you.

ANJALI: I need to keep my protection.

MATT: The range is 60 for the first increment, and 120, so you do have disadvantage on the attack roll. Give it a shot. Because you are a ways away from him.


LAURA: And roll it again, and whatever's lower.

ANJALI: 13, plus seven, so 20.

MATT: So, 20 still hits! Go ahead and roll damage!

ANJALI: Suck it!

MATT: Roll damage for the lost soul.

ANJALI: 2d8. (humming) ♪ Ring of fire ♪ 13 plus four is 17.

MATT: 17 points of necrotic damage, I believe?

ANJALI: (growls)

MATT: So, the lost soul screams, ♪ Ring of fire ♪ blasts into the front of the mech. You can see, the blackened necrotic energy, the soul energy, infiltrate the armor and the pilot inside (groans) scream out as his skin darkens slightly. That was a nice hit.

ANJALI: (laughs) That was fun.

MATT: That's pretty good. All right, that finishes your turn, Phyllis. Now, it is the battle mech's turn.


JASMINE: I don't like that.

MATT: The battle mech, now (thudding) comes lumbering forward. You're the one right in its way, immediate visual range. It's going to go ahead and, you see its plasma cannons (machine whirring) whir up, the inside of them begin to light as it (cannons booming) makes two shots against you.



MATT: And because of its targeting system, it has advantage on attack rolls with ranged weapons.

TALIESIN: (groans)

MATT: So, it's a good thing too.

TALIESIN: (laughs)

MATT: Nine.


LAURA: Nine!

MATT: The second one, however, is a 19.

TALIESIN: That hits.

MATT: So you do take 12 points of plasma damage as it bursts, the second one just goes wide and goes flying in the initial chamber you guys entered. That's going to end the battle mech's turn. Now, it comes to Ickybod.

SAM: Oh!

MATT: The Archvile.

ANJALI: Field goal, field goal!

SAM: Yeah, of course. How close is the battle mech?

MATT: The battle mech moved 40 feet from its space, so close to where you are, I'd say it's about 35 to 40 feet from you.

SAM: All right, I'm going to just test the wind real quick.

JASMINE: I believe in you.

SAM: And then take a few steps, and then field goal kick one of the big bullet thingies.


ANJALI: That's a great idea.

SAM: Right at the battle mech.

MATT: All right, because you are helping, technically, since it's your action to set it up, I'll give you advantage on this check. Make a strength check for me, with advantage.


SAM: That's not my stat. 'Kay, just strength. Okay, 15.

MATT: 15. As you kick, a little bit of your Archvile flame engulfs the bullet, the artillery shell, as it, (whooshing) and you can see it begin to engulf, and you hear that sound of, like a popcorn kettle about to go off. (popping and explosion booming) It detonates right as it reaches the front of the battle mech, exploding in its face, shrapnel go flying. Go ahead and roll 3d6 piercing damage, if you don't mind, for me.

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: It's going to make a dex save.

SAM: 11 points.

MATT: Nope, that's a fail. 11 points of piercing damage against the battle mech. All righty, and it now has disadvantage on attacks for the next round, I'll say, because the shrapnel temporarily blinded the pilot.

LAURA: Yeah!

JASMINE: Hercules, Hercules!

SAM: I give a high five, but not, because of coronavirus.

JASMINE: Yeah, yeah.


MATT: You got it. All right, finishing--

SAM: Oh, I'll just, edge of the room if I have any more movement, or go towards the marine, I guess.

MATT: Okay, yeah, so you've now got a little bit past where the Marauder is, where Kreel is. All right, finishing that, it comes to the ARC marine commander. He's going to make two burst rifle attacks against you, since you're the one who just entered.

SAM: I'm a football star.

ANJALI and TALIESIN: (laugh)

MATT: That is going to be a 15.

SAM: Hits!

MATT: And a natural 20.

SAM: Hits!

LAURA: Oh no, Ickybod.

MATT: All right, that is seven points of piercing damage from the first one.

SAM: Uh-huh.

MATT: Ooh. That's 23 points of damage from the second one.

ANJALI: (groans)

MATT: (gunfire booming)

LAURA: Oh no.

MATT: Has an ability called coordinated attack. When he makes an attack, he can order another ARC unit to attack along with it. It's going to order the battle mech to go ahead and make a ranged plasma shot at you with disadvantage because it was blinded, which puts it at an 11.


MATT: You dodge out of the way, but you do take some heavy burst rifle fire to you. That finishes his turn, going back to Mancubus!

LAURA: Mancubus!

SAM: Mancubus!

LAURA: Where am I? I'm in the doorway?

MATT: Yeah, you're in the doorway, there's the Marauder just beyond you, and then there's the Archvile right next to, just beyond the Marauder, and the battle mech is about maybe 60 feet from you, with the commander about 50 feet from you.

LAURA: Okay, I'm going to step forward and try to shield people behind me since I'm bigger.

MATT: Okay, so you're going to move in front of the Archvile?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: All right. (footsteps booming)

SAM: He's a gentle giant.

LAURA: Yeah. And then I'm going to shoot my cannons!


MATT: Go for it, make two shots at, who, the commander or the battle mech?

LAURA: ♪ I'm going to shoot them ♪ ♪ at the commander. ♪

MATT: Do it.

SAM and LAURA: ♪ Ring of fire ♪


LAURA: Nine plus five, 14.

MATT: 14 misses, unfortunately.

LAURA: Then the other one misses, too.

MATT: Aw. (cannons booming)

LAURA: Oh d'no!

MATT: Both go wide, unfortunately.

LAURA: Mancubus?


MATT: All right, finishing Mancubus' turn, that brings it to Kreel, and Reva, you're on deck.

TALIESIN: Are there still two workers running?

MATT: Yeah, the two workers are running to the north.

TALIESIN: Are they within my range, or?

MATT: With your movement, definitely.

TALIESIN: Okay, I'm going to run towards the first one. I've got that axe out, and I'm just going to take a swing for the head.

MATT: Okay, it'll take your full movement to get to the first worker.

TALIESIN: Oh, it'll take my full movement to get to the first one?

MATT: Correct.

TALIESIN: Oh man. Okay, in that case, there are some pillars to hide behind, right?

MATT: Yes.

TALIESIN: I'm going to-- oh god, there's two of them too, oh. Darn it, okay, fine, I'm going for the first worker.

MATT: Okay, so you dash forward, axe forward, go for it.

TALIESIN: Yep. And that's, just assume I'm taking both swings. That's a 17 and a 14.

MATT: Well, the first one hits. Go ahead and roll damage. We'll see if the civilian survives the first strike.

TALIESIN: That's 13 points.

MATT: You just rolled a d20 for damage, a d12.

TALIESIN: Oh, thank you, wow.

MATT: That's all good.

TALIESIN: It's been a while.

MATT: ♪ It's been a while ♪

TALIESIN: That doesn't matter, because that's still 15 points of.

MATT: (screams) Both halves scatter to the ground rolling.

TALIESIN: Grab the head, because I'm collecting.

MATT: Okay. (laughs)

SAM: Nice.

TALIESIN: I put it on the belt, and I, yeah.

MATT: You have a second attack, if you want to.

TALIESIN: Oh, am I close enough to hit the...

MATT: Not, the other one's like 10 feet away from you.

TALIESIN: Well this one's, is he not dead yet?

MATT: No, the first one you killed, but the second worker is about 10 feet from you and is still running.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I don't--

MATT: It's either an action to use the gun, or you can attack twice with the axe. You have to choose.

LAURA: Oh, but you have 15 foot range with your axe.

TALIESIN: Oh, so I can throw, yeah.

MATT: You can throw it 15 feet, yeah.

TALIESIN: I'm going to throw the axe.

MATT: Okay, so you hack through the first guy, and throw the second one. Go ahead and roll for an attack on that.

TALIESIN: That's a 16.

MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

LAURA: Yeah!

MATT: It's the same damage, so ah ha, I remember.

TALIESIN: That's 11 points of damage.

MATT: You throw the second axe, (whooshing) (groans) falls to the ground, and is crawling, the axe still sticking out of the back before just giving up the proverbial ghost.

ANJALI: Well played.

SAM: Kill Kreel.

MATT: Both workers done. Kreel's turn's over, Reva, you are up. Phyllis, you're on deck.

JASMINE: I float over behind Mancubus. I don't like when people bully our Mancubus, and I train both rockets on the mech.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: (techno music)



MATT: I saw a wave of nausea kick in over that.

ANJALI: Like an offensive smell.

JASMINE: An 11 and a 13.

MATT: Both missiles hit the mech, and as the smoke and flames clear, unfazed. (groaning) (mechanical whirring and thudding)

JASMINE: It looks like I got bullied, too.

MATT: Aww.

LAURA: Oh no.

MATT: All right, ending Reva's turn, you're up, Phyllis.

ANJALI: I see this and I don't like it, and I don't know who else to pull up, so I'm in a panic, so I'm just going to pull up the first soul I grab, and it's...

JASMINE: Shakira?

ANJALI: I pull it out! (laughter) I pull it out and throw it! And it goes (voice trilling) ♪ Go to your feet ♪ It is Shakira! (laughing) Her hips don't lie! And I throw the soul at him, and I go: Take that Latina energy! (crashing)


MATT: A lot of people died in the hell on earth scenario, guys. Shakira, unfortunately.

ANJALI: Very talented! A lot of very talented people.

MATT: Go ahead and roll your attack.

JASMINE: Phyllis has ritzy taste.

ANJALI: I had a completely different person lined up, but that was fun.

TALIESIN: I want to see Phyllis's Spotify list.

ANJALI: What is this?

MATT: The attack roll for--

ANJALI: Oh, hi! 18.

MATT: 18 just hits, so roll your damage on that.

LAURA: That was on the mech?

MATT: Yeah. The mech's pretty beefy.


MATT: 14 points of damage, nice. Once again, the pilot inside's like (groans) keeling forward a bit from the impact, but still, the mech itself is showing some damage now. You can see part of its limbs, joints are starting to spark a bit, and one side's starting to list a little bit. It's taken some damage, guys. All right, that finishes your turn, Phyllis?

ANJALI: That's my one action, and I tell my soul shield, I tell them: Musicians up front! (laughter) You guys are lucky!

MATT: The battle mech is going to go ahead and now go charging up towards you. Well no, you're behind Mancubus, right?

JASMINE: Yeah, I'm hovering over his shoulder.

MATT: Okay, it goes right to you. You're the meat shield.

LAURA and ANJALI: (groan)

MATT: No plasma cannons engaged, it's going to attempt to slam you. It does have disadvantage because it is still blinded until the end of this turn thanks to the artillery round. So, first strike against you, Mancubus, is going to be a 12 to hit?

LAURA: Ugh, he hits me, but I stand firm.

MATT: (laughs) The impact just (banging) and you just Juggernaut it.

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: That's cocked, oh, that's going to be a 23.

SAM: Ooh!

LAURA: (sad laugh)

MATT: Even with disadvantage. So the first one, you chuckle, the second one just clocks you in the face. You take 16 points of bludgeoning damage and I need you to make a strength saving throw.

LAURA: (grunts)


LAURA: Uh, what?! 15?

SAM: Oh.

MATT: 15?

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: That's a strong Mancubus.

MATT: The impact of this blow almost knocks you to the ground, the heavy arm of the mech, but you hold still, a column of muscle and demonic fury.

LAURA: (speaks gibberish)


MATT: That finishes the battle mech's turn. Ickybod, you're up.

LAURA: That's what Mancubus says.

MATT: Yep. (grumbles gibberish)

SAM: So, just to refresh me, there's only one enemy still on the field?


MATT: There's two. There's the commander, and then there's the battle mech.

SAM: The commander still lives?

MATT: The commander has not been touched yet. Everyone keeps missing.

SAM: And how far away is the commander from me?

MATT: From you, I'd say probably, maybe.

SAM: Are you bleeding?

LAURA: No, I just forgot I had Mancubus...

SAM: You had Mancubus on your mouth? (laughter) Yeah, that can happen.

JASMINE: Relatable.

TALIESIN: I feel that.

JASMINE: Don't you just hate when you have some Mancubus on your mouth and no one tells you?

TALIESIN: You got a little Mancubus right--

MATT: You're posting pictures on Facebook, and you're like. (groans) I'll say probably about, from moving forward and catching up with the rest of the group, about 30 feet from you.

SAM: 30 feet, okay, okay, okay, yeah. I-I-I wonder if the commander wants to go for a swim in the lake of fire. And I will cast a Lake of Fire around him in a 20-foot radius centered on his spot.

ANJALI: Just like a ring of fire!

MATT: I will say, you could catch, with the 20-foot radius, you can actually catch the battle mech as well in that lake of fire if you want to.

SAM: I'll do it, I'll do it. Any of my allies? I don't care, I'm doing it anyway.

MATT: All right, so, as you raise your arms, the ground ignites in flame as this burning lava-like surface is summoned onto the floor in the middle of this chamber. It's now burning around the commander, you see his eyes go wide as the battle mech, the bottom of its feet are starting to glow orange with the heat. Awesome, are you going to stay put or are you going to move?

SAM: I will move, I don't know, I'll clock around to try to flank the commander.

MATT: Okay, you got it. All right, finishing your go, it is now the commander's turn. The effect of that...

SAM: Starts on his turn, 1d12 fire damage.

MATT: Yeah, so go ahead and roll 1d12.

SAM: 11. (cheering)

LAURA: Plus anything?

SAM: Plus nothing.

MATT: He takes 11 points of fire damage. He begins to burn. (screams) He's going to move out of the lava, just to get out of the space. He's going to turn towards you, and he's going to take two shots with the burst rifle at you again, since you're now--

SAM: But I don't want him to!

MATT: That is going to be a 14 to hit?

SAM: Hits.

MATT: And an 11.

SAM: Misses.

MATT: Okay. All right, you take seven points of piercing damage from the burst rifle round into you as he's trying to pat the flames out, and they're just barely fading, but that ends his turn. That brings us to the top of the round. Mancubus.

LAURA: Mancubus! I've got the mech right in front of me?

MATT: Correct, or the, yeah, the mech is, yeah, right up in melee. The ground around is in fire, not quite to where you are, but you are right face to face with it.

LAURA: (grunts) I'm going to-- (grunts) Why though? And I'm going to cannon both at the same time, right on, I'm going to try to do his knees, his legs, so that he falls backwards into the fire.

MATT: Okay, make the--

LAURA: ♪ Into the fire ♪


ANJALI: It's catchy!

MATT: It is.

LAURA: Oh, woo, look at that!

SAM: Oh wow.

LAURA: A 20 and a one.

MATT: Aww, look at that, well go ahead and roll for your 20.

LAURA: So that's I do double, do I just double the dice?

MATT: Double the dice damage on that, yeah.


LAURA: Ooh, 16 plus one!

MATT: Okay, how do you want to do this?


MATT: How do you want to rip and tear this, I should say.

LAURA: Oh yeah, I'm going to shoot one of the legs out, and then I'm going to bring my leg up and kick him into the fire, and then I'm going to walk over and pull out the pilot and eat him.

MATT: (screams)

LAURA: Oh wait, shit, I got no hands.

SAM: You can use, chopsticks.

LAURA: I'm going to use the cannons.


MATT: Oh my god, okay.

ANJALI: I love him so much!

SAM: It's like a crab claw thing.

MATT: Okay, as you manage to pull him out, he's like, "No! (screams)" And crunches into the maw of Mancubus, bitten twine.


MATT: All righty, the battle mech is down, finishing Mancubus' turn. Kreel, you're up.

TALIESIN: I'm going to run, grab my axe, and make as much speed as I can around the lake of fire.

SAM and ANJALI: ♪ The lake of fire ♪

TALIESIN: I'm going to come right up and just try and take out one of the legs from behind as I run by.

MATT: Of the commander?

TALIESIN: Of the commander.

MATT: Go for it, roll for an attack.

ANJALI: Do it, do it, do it!

LAURA: Ooh, slide on your knees as you do it, it'll look cool.

TALIESIN: I'm going to do the knee slide from the haunted house. (groans)

MATT: You got it.

TALIESIN: That's a 18 to hit.

MATT: That hits.

TALIESIN: All right, let's do 15 points of damage.

MATT: 15 points of damage, you cut out that leg, the lower half of his leg falls to the ground. He goes (screams) and he falls to the ground. He's still alive, though.

TALIESIN: I'm going to keep spinning around from that first thing and try and just hit him right in the back of the head again.

MATT: Second attack.

SAM: Pirouette on your knees?

TALIESIN: Pirouette on the knees.

ANJALI: Oh my god, it's so rock and roll!

TALIESIN: Natural 20. (cheering)

MATT: Go ahead and roll some damage on that.

TALIESIN: All right, double dice.

ANJALI: That's some rock and roll shit.

TALIESIN: Nine points of slashing damage.

MATT: And with that--

TALIESIN: (growls)

MATT: --the axe just finds itself embedded right into his face, and he just goes limp there, stuck to the axe. As you lift it up a little bit, he dangles from it.

TALIESIN: Drop it, drop it, drop it! (grunts)

MATT: Slips onto the ground.

TALIESIN: Chop it a couple more times.

MATT: The chamber is now devoid of any combatants. There is the large doors that lead, it seems to be another entrance on the south side of this chamber, and the north side, there is a 10-foot doorway that seems to lead into the next room beyond, where everyone was rushing towards.

SAM: Closed, open, closed?

MATT: Currently closed.

JASMINE: They say if you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life. And I love to watch you all work.

SAM: Kreel, that was, it was like watching ballet. It was amazing.

ANJALI: I have to say, I'm quite impressed with all of you. I'm just going to gather these souls. I'm gathering back my souls into my...

SAM: Oh, you can reuse Johnny Cash and Shakira?

ANJALI: Excuse me. (hacks) I'm gathering my--

TALIESIN: Ballroom dancing class once a week.

ANJALI: -- my soul shield. (hacks)

TALIESIN: I've got a lot of moves. Mostly salsa, but it's--

SAM: You take a salsa class?

TALIESIN: Yes, once a week.

SAM: Amazing.

ANJALI: Very impressive.

TALIESIN: It's very hard to move in this, so it's taken a lot of work to get this.

SAM: Can you just do that move again? I'm going to just take a picture.

TALIESIN: Oh yeah, okay, I'm going to. You know what, let's prop him back up. Take a run again. (whooshing)

SAM: I got one, two are blurry, but one's good.

JASMINE: It's so unique, I love that.

ANJALI: So, we have double doors, is that what you said?

MATT: There are the large double doors to the south that seem to exit to that side of the mesa, and there's the northern door that's about 10 feet wide and about eight feet tall that seems to lead further into the base.

LAURA: Ickybod's bleeding.

SAM: Oh, Mancubus, you care about your friends.

LAURA: I just, if you get too bad, I'm going to have to eat you.

SAM: Oh, okay. (laughter) I'm going to just search around some of the crates and see if there's any sort of healing kits.

MATT: Make an investigation check.

SAM: 13?

MATT: 13. Rummaging through, unfortunately, there doesn't appear to be any sort of medical supplies in this chamber.

LAURA: What heals a demon, medical supplies?

MATT: I don't know.

LAURA: But wouldn't we know, as demons?


LAURA: Damn it. (laughter)

MATT: You don't know a lot as demons, actually. You, more than most, probably.

ANJALI: Haven't I eaten a soul of a doctor or someone?

MATT: You have, and he was delicious.

ANJALI: All right, he's a human doctor, he's useless to me, bastards.

SAM: Don't worry, I'll be fine. Let's just keep moving.

TALIESIN: There's a big door and a little door.

SAM: There's two doors?

TALIESIN: There's two doors.

MATT: To the south and to the north.

ANJALI: The big door goes outside, though, I don't want to go back out there. I want to go into the little door.

TALIESIN: I kind of want to peek, though.

ANJALI: At the big doors?


ANJALI: Do you want to see what's going on outside?

TALIESIN: I mean, a little bit.

ANJALI: Didn't we just come from there?

JASMINE: Do you want me to go be all sneaky-like? Just a little peek, maybe?

SAM: Yeah, go, do your thing.

JASMINE: Just take a little peeksy-weeksy.

TALIESIN: Sneak peek.


SAM: I'm going to search for keys on the commander.

MATT: Okay, roll an investigation check.

SAM: Natural 20.

LAURA: Hoo hah!

MATT: You do actually find some sort of a swipe-able keycard.

ANJALI: Yeah, and you have hands.

SAM: I do.


TALIESIN: That's very helpful.

SAM: I don't know which door it goes to. I look around to see if there's keycard entry on either door.

MATT: On both doors, actually. There's no slide point, you just see a door, and you see a box that's there, and you hold the card and--

LAURA: Look and see if the commander has any band-aids.

SAM: I just searched the commander, there's no band-aids.

LAURA: Okay.

SAM: What's a band-aid?

LAURA: I don't know. (laughter)

SAM: All right, I'm going to go up to the little door, I guess. Are we doing little door or big door?

JASMINE: Which one do you want me to go check out?

SAM: Can you just go through?

JASMINE: Well no, but I'm pretty quiet.

SAM: Oh, all right.

JASMINE: I can just scout ahead.

SAM: All right.

ANJALI: Could somebody listen? Or do, aah?

SAM: (laughs) Sure, sure, I'll open the door and you can poke through.

JASMINE: Yeah, just take a little look.

SAM: I'm going to wipe, waft the card across the--

TALIESIN: Going to hide to the side of the door, in case there's anything there.

LAURA: I'm going to stand right in front of the door.

SAM: No, no, move, hide. (laughter) Or at least--

TALIESIN: Side of it.

LAURA: I'm doing that Incredible Hulk and kind of sliding.

MATT: Okay, as you make your way to the side, you're preparing your step of stealth, and you wipe the card on the front, trying to figure out how any of this works, and the door (whooshing) opens up. You're going to make your way in there?


MATT: Roll a stealth check for me.

ANJALI: (groans)

TALIESIN: I'm here for you.


MATT: 17, okay. As you slowly skeleton walk your way through, keeping your thrusters on low, just a little low blue flame burn.

JASMINE: I step very lightly.

MATT: Yeah, it's like two Sternos. You make your way into the chamber, and glance inside. This is a smaller chamber than the one you were previously in. It's maybe 20 by 30 feet, and there are dozens of screens and consoles. There is a table in the center that has a layout map on it. There are what would be the equivalent of data pads, though you're not quite sure what a data pad is, but there are metallic tablets of some kind with lit screens on them, and the chamber appears to be empty at the moment, or at least quickly abandoned at the sound of recent gunfire and explosions.

JASMINE: (kazoo dooting)


SAM: We got your doot!

JASMINE: It's clear.

MATT: All right, so you guys head into this next chamber. You see everything that Reva had noticed. There is a door to the north and a door to the east, which would be to your right and in front of where you step in, but this is just a room filled with weird technology.

ANJALI: What's on the screens?

TALIESIN: Yes, what's on the screens?

SAM: Are they on?

MATT: They're on, one of the screens you can see, it has a list of names.

SAM: Let's fan out and start pressing buttons until something happens.

ANJALI: Maybe not pressing buttons, but looking at things.

TALIESIN: What kind of names?

MATT: What's your intelligence?

TALIESIN: Plus one, 13.

MATT: A 13?

SAM: I'm smart.

TALIESIN: I don't know if I can read.

MATT: I'm going to say you probably can't read this, necessarily. It's not that you lack intelligence, you just lack the experience to read most of human speech.

ANJALI: Hey, professor. What does this say?

SAM: All right, so I go over there. I want to put this key away. I don't think I have pockets, so I'm just going to shove it into one of my wounds.

MATT: There you go, checks out, checks out. Very thrifty, thrifty.

SAM: All right, I hold it up and try to see if I can figure out which way is up.

MATT: Okay, make an intelligence check.

SAM: Intelligence, oh, 15.

MATT: 15, you can make out some names on there, one of which that says Dr. Hayden.

SAM: Oh, Dr. Hayden, that's the one we're supposed to get. Is this Dr. Hayden?

MATT: (laughs)

LAURA: (thudding)

ANJALI: (groans) No, Mancubus!

SAM and LAURA: (cheer)

MATT: Go ahead and roll a strength check for me.

ANJALI: (groans)

LAURA: Nine!

MATT: Okay, so, you don't completely atomize this machine, but you do crack it. The screen breaks, you see parts of it flicker out, and as it skids on the ground, it sparks for a minute, but you hear, it does make a sound.

ALL: Oh?

(data pad beeping)

DARIN (V.O.): "Personal log, Dr. Samuel Hayden, ARC lead director, May 15th, 2151. The demonic invasion is gaining ground every day. We cannot afford to waste any more time. Should the three generators be at near full potential, the Argent Hammer will be ready for testing soon. And should my theories be correct, we may have a means of shifting the tides of this planet-wide biocide into our favor. It is my mission, it is my duty, to send the dark lord and his demonic children right back to Hell. End transmission."

LAURA: That's us.

ANJALI: That's not very nice.

TALIESIN: No, I don't like that.

SAM: I just, a few observations.


SAM: Argent Hammer sounds like a weapon, right?

ALL: Yes.

SAM: Also, that guy's voice was way more scary than any of ours, and we're demons. (laughter) I mean, it was rich, and thick, and resonant.

ANJALI: Very impressive, I must say.

SAM: Because he's the enemy.


ANJALI: And three cylinders, containers, something, they said when they're ready, the three something somethings.

MATT: There is a large map on the table.

ANJALI: Let's look at the map! Let's look at the map and, ooh!


SAM: We got maps, oh it's a blueprint thing! How did you make this!?

ANJALI: Mancubus!

MATT: I had fun in Photoshop.

LAURA: Where's them cylinders?

MATT: There we go.

SAM: And you can just print it on this?

ANJALI: Loading bay, main hall, comm center, that's probably where we are, right?

MATT: So, if you want to, just place your minis loosely on the map where you know you are, which is the comm center.

LAURA: Comm center?

SAM: We're so big we can't even fit in the room!

JASMINE: Our minis are maxis.

MATT: This map is just for reference.

LAURA: Oh my gosh!

SAM: Oh god, it's just a room full of flesh.

JASMINE: Mancubus' booty is so cute!

LAURA: Look at my little booty! And we came from the main hall?


MATT: You entered from the loading bay, this way, into the main hall.

LAURA: Okay, okay, okay.

ANJALI: Right, so it was three generators, and I see them on the map. There's one there, there's one there, and there.

SAM: Does that mean we need to go to all three?

ANJALI: I would imagine it's--

SAM: And turn them off?

LAURA: A-stroy them!

SAM: A-stroy them?

MATT: You can take a moment to look over the map. You don't have to rush it. There's a lot of things on there.

JASMINE: We could maybe get you some attention.

SAM: Oh, at the medical bay.

LAURA: Can we read that?

SAM: I'm reading all these things to them.

MATT: Yeah, you're the one who can pick up on it. You're kind of--

JASMINE: Here's an idea: Maybe we go there, and we tell one of these human doctors to help you or we eviscerate them. And then they help you, we eviscerate them anyway.

SAM: That's a very smart plan.

JASMINE: That's pretty great.

ANJALI: That's quite clever. Also--

SAM: Crew quarters, that's probably got a lot of--

LAURA: People!

SAM: Or change.

LAURA: Let eat them!

ANJALI: The medical bay is right across from the Argent plasma generators over here. Maybe we can take out this generator while we talk to the doctors.

LAURA: Yeah!

ANJALI: Just a thought.

SAM: Flammable material storage, that could come in handy.

LAURA: Toxic material storage, that's what you just read.

SAM: I did.

TALIESIN: And then, other storage.

SAM: Ooh.

TALIESIN: Storage for other things.

SAM: Then that says classified.

LAURA: Ooh, what does that mean?

ANJALI: That's got to be where the--

SAM: I don't think it means anything.

TALIESIN: That's where they keep the Craigslist servers.

MATT: (laughs)

LAURA: We should go to that generator first.

SAM: Which one?

LAURA: We should go to that one first, because it's out of the way, and then we'll come back and do that.

SAM: But this one has the medical stuff near it.

LAURA: Don't we have to do all of them though?

SAM: I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.

ANJALI: He said if all three of them are online.

LAURA: Oh, well just do one.

ANJALI: Or if all of them, I don't remember.

SAM: Hit it again, hit it again.

LAURA: I stomp on it.

ANJALI: Not hard.

MATT: You stomp on the data pad?

ANJALI: Not hard.

MATT: Roll another strength check.


LAURA: You guys told me to.

SAM: Yeah, it's Mancubus.

LAURA: Oh no. (laughter)

MATT: It splatters into hundreds of tiny pieces of broken glass. I mean, there's other data pads in the chamber. There's other machines around you, and computers. That one is gone.

ANJALI: Didn't he say something about if something generators are online, then we can use the Argent Hammer, or the Arm and Hammer, or whatever the thingies.

SAM: Maybe.

ANJALI: So we have to take one out!

SAM: I wasn't paying that much attention to it.

LAURA: So we should go take one out!

TALIESIN: Seems fair.

LAURA: Let's go!

ANJALI: Which one?

LAURA: The one next to the medical bay.

ANJALI: Thank you very much, that's what I said in the first place.

LAURA: Let's go!

SAM: All right.

ANJALI: Mancubus, stand in front.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Okay, so you guys move on from this chamber, beyond the comm --

SAM: I'm just going to swipe another data pad.

ANJALI: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Just 'cause.

MATT: Okay, you grab it.

SAM: Is it on?

MATT: Yeah, it's on.

SAM: Okay, I'll just hit some buttons, see if it does anything for me.

MATT: Roll, for random buttons, I'll say just roll a d20.

SAM: Two.

MATT: Two? Not getting much out of it right now.

SAM: I'll just hang onto it.

MATT: Okay.

ANJALI: Stick it in another wound.

MATT: Oh god, okay, got it. So pushing onward, you guys are heading north into this central guidance space here.

SAM: Wow.

LAURA: Oh my gosh.

JASMINE: We are big.

SAM: Wow.

MATT: And you are going where?

SAM: Down this hall.

MATT: All right.

ANJALI: Mancubus, stand in front.

MATT: As you head down this hallway, there's --

ANJALI: Not me, not me, I'm squishy!

MATT: For the space that's here, we'll say you guys can hold onto your minis, and I'll hold, I'll use one of you as the basis of what you have there. We'll say, why not you, Archie, since you're the supposed leader.

ANJALI: Yes, do it.

LAURA: Archie knows so much.

MATT: So where are you going first?

SAM: Well, let's, Mancubus is in front.

LAURA: I'm in front.

SAM: We'll just say: Mancubus, listen in the doorways and see if you can hear any movement.

LAURA: Which doors?

SAM: Any, all.

LAURA: I go to the first door, I listen.

MATT: Okay, make a perception check for me.

LAURA: Ooh, that's not a bad... 14.

MATT: 14, silent.

LAURA: There's nothing in this room.

SAM: Well, open it and see what's in there.

LAURA: (door thudding)

ANJALI: (laughs)

MATT: You bash the door and it (creaking) tries to open, and from the impact you've given, you've set it off-course and it jams partway open.

LAURA: Going to shove my cannon in and--

MATT: Make a strength check for me.

SAM: I have a key.

LAURA: Oh, well use that next time. 20!

MATT: (scraping) Grinds open, and you see sparks fly from it, and as you look inside, there are many, many types of weapons. It looks like the rifles and such that you've been shot with before. There are crates of materials. A lot of it's been ransacked and opened. You can see there are some open storage crates and metal boxes here.

TALIESIN: I'll take a look inside.

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: Make an investigation check.

TALIESIN: All right. 15.

MATT: 15, okay. And this is the armory.

LAURA and SAM: Armory.

MATT: Okay, you do notice, looking through here, ammunition, not present. The weapons that are here do not have ammunition. They've either been taken or they're being held elsewhere, you're uncertain. What you do find, however, are two of these ARC stamped grenade-like devices. I'll go ahead and give these to you, here.

SAM: Do you have grenades, did you make grenades?

LAURA: Ooh, you have some sheets of paper!

MATT: And one that like a cube-type device that has a slight yellow flashing light on it, yellow-gold flashing light. Make an intelligence check.

SAM: (laughs)

TALIESIN: Come on, Kreel, 10.

MATT: 10, you have no idea what these do.

SAM: Cool. But they all blow up.

MATT: But you have them.

ANJALI: Can you give them to the Archvile?

MATT: They're roughly hand sized.

TALIESIN: I'll hand them to the leader, I suppose.

SAM: How am I the leader, all right, sure.

ANJALI: You said you were.

SAM: I did? I didn't, I just said I was smart. I never, did I?

ANJALI: On the stairs!

JASMINE: Well, I mean, you're my supervisor.

SAM: Bow before me!

ANJALI: I can't bow, I float.

SAM: I'm sorry about that, I have to take that into account. Right, I'll look at them and just see if there's a button or a trigger device on them.

ANJALI: Just see what they are and don't turn them on!

MATT: Make an intelligence check.

SAM: I'm not, I'm just, oh boy.

LAURA: (laughs)

SAM: Nine.

MATT: You have no idea. You've got two of the round one, and one that's a cube with a yellow blinking element.

SAM: I'm sure they make things go boom, right?

JASMINE: (gasps) I love things that go boom!

SAM: Here, I'll give you one. And Kreel, you should take the special golden blinky one. And yeah, Phyllis, you take one, too.

ANJALI: Would a perception check be useful on any of these?


LAURA: (laughs)

ANJALI: I'm going to try to make an intelligence check anyway, to see if I understand what my thingy does.

MATT: Okay, I'll say with disadvantage, because you guys are all trying to, around the table here, and with each one it gets harder and harder to do, so go ahead and attempt it.

ANJALI: N-n-n-nineteen.

LAURA: With a disadvantage.

MATT: So roll one more time. Yeah, roll again, take the lower.


MATT: 14 total?

TALIESIN: Oh, plus, oh yeah.

MATT: Okay. The one you have is the spherical one, right?

SAM: Yep.


MATT: This one, you look at it, and you shake it a bit, and there's, you feel like a liquid on the inside. And you look around at one of the boxes, and you can see one that's actually already broken open, and there is like a gummy, amber-colored liquid that has expanded into a foam-type material around where it blasted, so you get the sense that this'll probably work as some sort of an adhesive.

LAURA: Ooh, cool.

ANJALI: (mumbles)

MATT: That's the best you can gather on it.

ANJALI: That's fantastic, I love it!

MATT: It looks like something that makes a foam.

ANJALI: I love foam.

SAM: Shall we continue on, then?

ANJALI: Let's move on.

SAM: Right, back into the hallway.

ANJALI: I'm going to float over to that door by the Argent plasma generator door and listen.

MATT: Make a perception check.

ANJALI: (laughs) 23.

SAM and LAURA: Whoa!

MATT: You hear a low hum within the chamber, and occasionally you hear like a (clicking) like someone checking equipment.

ANJALI: All right, I think that generator thingy's in there and it's not alone.

SAM: Should we bust in?

ANJALI: Should we get you medical help first?

SAM: I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm just bleeding, and it's fine.

LAURA: Wait.

JASMINE: It's just extra pockets.

LAURA: Right before you open the door, I drop a smoke bomb.

SAM: You have smoke bombs?

LAURA: Ya! And like, as soon as you open the door, I'm going to do it.

MATT: (explosion booming)

ANJALI: Not yet!

LAURA: As soon as you open the door!

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Oh wait, I'll try the key.

ANJALI: Someone open this door.

SAM: I'll wave the key over the thing.

MATT: Okay, (whooshing) The door opens, (explosion) the smoke bomb fills the chamber. You guys, within this sphere, have visual sight on the vicinity, but enemies do not. So for a brief moment, as you look inside, you can see these massive brass rings that wind along these heavy pillars. There's three on each side. You can see, briefly situated in that chamber, in the back wall, you can see a large, maybe 15-foot panel wall that is covered in various levers. You can see three large levers on it of different colorations, and there is one person in there, looks to be a civilian holding a really large rifle, who is now going. (coughs)

ANJALI: Someone get him.

SAM: Yes.

LAURA: Should we kill them?

SAM: Yes!

LAURA: (cannon blasting)


MATT: Roll an attack.

LAURA: Oh, natural one.

ANJALI: But don't you have another cannon?

MATT: You miss.

LAURA: I do, yeah.

MATT: And instead, strike the generator behind him. Go ahead and roll damage.

LAURA: Okay, well, maybe.

SAM: Are we supposed to destroy these things?

ANJALI: We are, but I don't know if that's a good thing.

LAURA: Four fire damage.

MATT: Four fire damage.

LAURA: Well, four plus one fire damage.

MATT: Okay, five fire damage. You hit what looks like one of the larger panel handles, and it immediately melts and jams into place. But the guy turns and goes (screams) "Who's there?" And is just going to do a wide burst fire in your direction with disadvantage against you, Mancubus.

TALIESIN: Do you have another...

LAURA: I do have another attack.

MATT: Yeah, go for it, this is simultaneous. That's a 13.

LAURA: Oh god, that doesn't hit. That was almost awesome, but it was a, what is that?

SAM: 13.

LAURA: 13.

MATT: 13 does hit him, he doesn't have any armor on.

LAURA: Yeah!

ANJALI: Civvy.

MATT: He misses you with a wide spray.

LAURA: Eight fire damage.

MATT: And he just splatters against the panel. Dripping, (splashing) the smoke clears a little bit.

ANJALI: I immediately float over and look at the panel, and try to see if this is, can I tell if this is stabilized or gone cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs?

MATT: Make an intelligence check.

ANJALI: Oh no, I'm not very smart. Ugh, eight.

MATT: You have no idea how Argent technology works, nor human technology here. You just see this large chamber with this humming, thrumming machine that's partially damaged.

ANJALI: Has it changed, has it changed anything sound-wise or anything since we--

MATT: At the moment, no.

SAM: All right, all right.

JASMINE: I'm going to sift through the guts. Is there any communication device on him?

SAM: With a little razzle dazzle.

MATT: Make an investigation check.

TALIESIN: Jazz hands, woo hoo.

JASMINE: (groans) (laughter) Four.


MATT: You find a lot of guts.

ANJALI: That's gutsy.


ANJALI: Professor!


SAM: Right, right, right. This is my forte. I will look at the control panel and see if I can discern anything.

MATT: You have no idea how this technology works, but roll an intelligence check to see if you can fumble your way through something.

SAM: 19, 20.

MATT: 20, looking at it, there is what you imagine some of these levers are, control input and output, but the biggest one, and the prominent displayed is currently fused.

SAM: Because of this one.

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: How many levers are there?

MATT: There are three. There is a red one, and there is a blank, unlabeled one, and there is one that is a yellow striped color, and that's the largest one that's currently fused.

ANJALI: Crap, yellow striped sounded good.

SAM: Red could also be good.

ANJALI: That seems like the color we like, and therefore, dangerous.

SAM: (laughs) That's a very good point.

ANJALI: I have high perception.

SAM: You do.

ANJALI: Even though I'm dumb as a post.

SAM: And we're meant to shut these things off, right?

ANJALI: I think so, yes.

LAURA: I'm sliding my feet around in the guts.

MATT: (sloshing)

ANJALI: We're meant to shut these things off, yes?

JASMINE: Wouldn't it be that we're supposed to do whatever the opposite of what they're doing right now? So what if we just pushed all the buttons that aren't pushed, and then unpush the buttons that are pushed?

SAM: Well, none of them are pushed, I don't think, except for the one that's fused.

LAURA: Sorry!

JASMINE: Well, then we should push all the other ones, right?

MATT: Making blood angels with your feet.

JASMINE: Because that means that's not what they want.

TALIESIN: That makes sense to me.

JASMINE: What if we just go get one of the civilians from somewhere else and drag them in here and tell them to tell us what's going on.

TALIESIN: I can do that. I'm going to head towards the medical bay.

LAURA: Do we speak human? Blah, blah, blah.


ANJALI: You make a good point.

MATT: I'll say you can make guttural taunts, sure, why not?


MATT: Yeah, I mean, the only things you have at your disposal right now are a partially damaged data pad and this poor guy's guts on the ground. So you're heading to the medical bay, you said?


MATT: Okay, you head to the medical bay, the door is closed. I'm going to open it.

MATT: With?

TALIESIN: Is there some way to open it?

ANJALI: His key.

MATT: There doesn't appear to be a handle.

TALIESIN: I haven't thought this through. Give me your key.

SAM: All right, here.

MATT: All right. (whooshing) The med bay opens. On the inside, you can see a whole series of large tablet type beds, gray and uncomfortable, though a couple of them look like they've seen some recent war wounds. There's some blood spatters on it. There's one body that is cold on there. Right now, the room looks empty. But there are, there are some small boxes with materials, and looks like other bits of equipment around.

ANJALI: Well, we may as well look at those and grab anything we can.

TALIESIN: Grab anything that looks useful.

MATT: Make an investigation check.

ANJALI: That's all you.

TALIESIN: Not great at that, but I get a 20!

ANJALI: Oh yes, you are.

MATT: Okay!


MATT: Within here, you find a crate that contains a series of these large military-type syringes. You're not entirely certain what they are for.


MATT: Possibly.

TALIESIN: I'm excited.

ANJALI: What's that?

MATT: One large case that seems to contain a lot of very herbal smelling materials that's bothersome to you. There is one additional weird metal screen, similar to the one that you smashed earlier on the ground. And with that high enough roll, you also see, hiding beneath one of the beds, shaking, one human in a long white coat, quietly and desperately trying to not be seen. The faint smell of urine seems to be permeating the atmosphere around it.

TALIESIN: I found a doctor.

SAM: Excellent.

ANJALI: I float slowly over. You.

SAM: Torment him!

ANJALI: I just, I have three fingers on each hand, and I just go. (grunts)

MATT: Make an intimidation check.


MATT: 18. He goes, (whimpers) "I, just please, whatever you need, I'll help."

ANJALI: I'm just going to do this and back up slowly, looking straight at him, and back up into that room, back up into the--

SAM: I'll meet you in the hallway, and I'll just show him the iPad stuck in my wound, and I'll withdraw it, and just be like. (grunts) Ow, ow, you. (groans)

MATT: "You took the materials."

TALIESIN: (grunts) Yeah, yeah.

ANJALI: Hand them to him.

MATT: "Okay," takes one of the syringes out, and jams it into the side and pushes it in.

SAM: (groans)

ANJALI: I don't trust that that's a good thing.

LAURA: I know, I feel like it's going to hurt you more.

MATT: And you heal...

ANJALI: Oh yay!

MATT: Nine hit points.

SAM: Hey!

MATT: Drops the syringe to the ground, empty. For those familiar with the early Doom games, this would be a stimpack.

ANJALI: As soon as he does that, I take my three fingers and I pat him on the head.

MATT: "(laughs) I'm confused."

ANJALI: And then I gently guide him into this Argent plasma generator room.

LAURA: I'm still stomping around in the body.

MATT: "(screams) Oh god!"

ANJALI: And I turn him away from--

LAURA: Lunch!

ANJALI: No, Mancubus, chill.

MATT: "Terrence?"

ANJALI: And I-- (groaning) And I point at the, I point--

MATT: "I know nothing about this. I'm a doctor, this is beyond my scope of understanding."

ANJALI: (growls) Someone figure out how to ask him to really turn it off.

JASMINE: Would I be able to talk, since aren't Revenants former?

MATT: Yeah, basic language is not beyond all of you.

SAM: Oh, we just choose not to.

MATT: You just choose not to.

JASMINE: I thought you said--

MATT: Yeah, for the purposes of this, yeah, you're just being dicks and I love it.

ANJALI: I thought that you said we could only make guttural noises.

MATT: You can. (laughter) You can make language taunts if you want to.

ANJALI: I thought I was being so clever.

MATT: You aren't book learned enough, for the most part, to read the language within these screens, I'll say.

ANJALI: Oh. Off, shut it off.

MATT: "I, (sighs) it looks damaged!"

JASMINE: Do you see Terrence here? Is that who you said it was, Terrence?

MATT: "Yeah."

JASMINE: See how he's turned into jam?

MATT: "Yeah."

JASMINE: Do you want to be jam?

MATT: "No."

LAURA: Yes! Jam!

JASMINE: If you don't want to be jam, then you hop on your little dingle hopper and find somebody to turn this off if you don't know how, you catch my drift?

SAM: I take his picture.

LAURA: I lean down. Take another one!

MATT: (screams)


ANJALI: Oh my god, you are stupid, Sam.

MATT: "(whimpers) I need to get my, I need to get..."

SAM: Don't tell anyone that we're here.

LAURA: He's going to tell on us.

MATT: He goes slowly back to the med bay.

JASMINE: I follow.

MATT: Okay.

JASMINE: Yeah, someone's with him, right?

TALIESIN: I'm going to pick up the rest of the blue syringes, too, now that I'd seen how this works.

ANJALI: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MATT: So, there's three of them.

TALIESIN: All right.

MATT: Which you can...

ANJALI: Can you pocket them in your belt?

TALIESIN: I'm going to use one on myself, and put the other two in one of my skulls.

MATT: Okay, well, here's the two that you haven't used, and you can roll for the healing on that one. And then the, in the box that you found...

TALIESIN: Oh, thank you.


ANJALI: What's in the box?



MATT: Goes back and picks up the screen, starts going.

(data pad beeping)

ANJALI: (grunts) Watch him, watch him, I don't trust that he's not telling people that we're here. I don't trust that he's not telling people that we're here!

JASMINE: I'm watching over his shoulder.

ANJALI: Can you see what he's doing?

MATT: Make a perception check.

LAURA: He's definitely telling people.

SAM: He might be just organizing his email.


MATT: 20, you see what looks to be some sort of an SOS message going to--

JASMINE: I kick him!

MATT: You kick him? Make an attack roll.

SAM: Just the kick again?

ANJALI: He's got the tablet.

JASMINE: What is the, oh, is it just the raw?

MATT: Add your strength roll, strength modifier.

JASMINE: Okay, seven.

MATT: Seven, you kick him, "Ow!"

ANJALI: I slap the tablet out of his hand.

MATT: All right, make an attack roll with the strength modifier.

ANJALI: (scoffs) 11.

MATT: Sure.

ANJALI: Thank you.

MATT: It hits the ground right as alarms start going off.


LAURA: Oh d'no!

SAM: We are the worst at being demons.


JASMINE: I bite out his throat.

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: I'll allow it.

MATT: You just reach forward. (screams)

JASMINE: Trust was broken, you broke my trust!

LAURA: Should we just shoot the generator?

ANJALI: Yeah, go for it.

MATT: As the data pad does hit the ground, you do hear.

SAM: Oh, another message.

(data pad beeps)

ASHLEY (V.O.): "Science Officer Angela Dravis, April 16th 2151."

SAM: Hey that's--

ASHLEY (V.O.): "With the ever-growing destruction of the demonic hordes sweeping across the planet, peak mobility is one of most crucial utilities. Having just completed the teleportation relay here in Armaros not but a month ago, I'm rather frustrated that the surges of Argent energy have been mixing the instruments. We've only had one mishap where a general was misported off-world instead of their intended base. And while I've narrowed it down to the red relay crystal above the pod being somewhat loose, I'm hoping our makeshift fix is enough to keep things running as intended."

MATT: (electricity crackling) It sparks the last bit of energy among the damaged screen, now going dark.

SAM: Teleportation relay, that's what the TP relay is.

ANJALI: We've got to find somewhere to hide.

LAURA: (groans)

ANJALI: They're coming!

SAM: Oh yeah.

LAURA: I should back out of the room and just shoot the generator.

SAM: You're just going to shoot and not pull the levers?

LAURA: I mean, I can try to pull some levers. I'm going to make the levers go into my cannon holes.

MATT: Okay, so you're going to put the red lever down first?

LAURA: Yeah, sure.

MATT: Okay, so the lever goes down, the other levers lock. The light begins to blink.

LAURA: Did I do it?

SAM: I don't know.

MATT: You hear the generators on the side


ANJALI: No, that's more!

MATT: Getting steadily, ever so faintly louder, and the vibration in the chamber getting slightly bigger over time.

LAURA: Back out, back out.

ANJALI: Turn it the other way!

LAURA: I'm going to back out, and I'm going to shoot it after it gets even hotter.

MATT: Okay, roll an attack.

TALIESIN: I'm going to start backing up to the auxiliary storage.

ANJALI: I'm floating back with him.

MATT: Okay, roll to attack.

ANJALI: Float away.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: This is so dumb.

ANJALI: We're the dumbest demons.

LAURA: A 24 and 10.

MATT: Okay, the 24 does hit. Go ahead and roll damage.

LAURA: Eight fire damage.

MATT: Okay. (impact crashing) It impacts across the terminal, destroying the two levers that are there, but it does not change the slow, gradual rising of pitch and vibration of the room.

ANJALI: I think we just turned that generator on.

SAM: Is that what was, we were supposed to turn them off.

ANJALI: Correct.

SAM: All, or just one?

ANJALI: At least one!

SAM: All right.

JASMINE: Well, why don't we just aim at the tubey things instead.

LAURA: (cannon blasting)

ANJALI: He's just, Mancubus just shoot the--

SAM and LAURA: Mancubus!

ANJALI: Is Mancubus just shooting things?

MATT: Okay, you fire at these large brass cylinders, and strangely enough, fire doesn't have an impact on the Argent generation tubes.

LAURA: (groans) It's not working.

SAM: We're going to have to go to another one of these rooms.

ANJALI: What about, hmm, no.

TALIESIN: Go through one of the storage rooms.

JASMINE: What if we grabbed another one of those wonderful little footballs that you chucked? What if we just chucked it right on in there? That made a pretty big boom.

ANJALI: It was still fire.

JASMINE: With shrapnel.

MATT: One thing you did notice, I will say, on the device that was being, the message that was being sent out. It was being sent to the lead director.

ANJALI: Lead director. That sounds like that would, Hayden dude.

SAM: Oh yes, that's our--

ANJALI: That's a dude. Where did that come from?

TALIESIN: I don't, picking up bad habits.

ANJALI: Bad habits.

LAURA: Where should we go?

SAM: We should go to one of the other generators and try to shut it down.

TALIESIN: Maybe the one up by flammable material storage.

LAURA: What about the teleportation thingy they were talking about?

SAM: We were talking about that, but I don't know if that concerns us, unless that doctor guy that we're supposed to find is going to go there to try to bamf out of here, just get out of here, to escape because he knows that we're here.

LAURA: We should shut down the generator, and then go to the teleportation.

JASMINE: It would also gets a lot of brownie points with those lovely people back at the temple.

SAM: True.

TALIESIN: All right.

JASMINE: She was talking about how important mobility is, so if we break the way they get around, doesn't that put the ball back in our court?

SAM: Yeah, sure.

JASMINE: We've been very sporty today, haven't we?

ANJALI: Oh, let's just, fine.

JASMINE: We should start a softball team.

ANJALI: Go to the damn relay terminal.

MATT: You guys are heading to the--

ANJALI: Anyone else, someone say something.

TALIESIN: I'm okay with the relay terminal.

SAM: Sure, we'll go check it out.

MATT: Okay, you head back into this area, head to the comm center to the terminal. So here, as you walk in, you can see there is one woman, probably 30ish or so, hair pulled back, long white coat, who's in the process of typing in something into the terminal feverishly. You can see a computer console right there, and looks and sees you all, and immediately just goes running towards the teleporter which is further down the chamber.

TALIESIN: Wolf, I'm summoning a wolf.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: A wolf?

MATT: You watch as the Marauder reaches forward and this flame-based hell wolf (howls) leaps out of this strange summoning portal and goes charging forward. So for that, I will say, to see if it can be faster than she can, let's roll a d20 and add your dexterity modifier, we'll say. Or actually, no, add your initiative, which may be the same.

TALIESIN: They are the same, 17.

MATT: (laughs) She almost makes it to the relay terminal, and then the wolf just leaps and detonates upon her. Go ahead and roll damage.

TALIESIN: Three fire damage.

MATT: Three fire damage. (fire whooshing) Blasts her onto the ground. She's burned, but not done.

TALIESIN: I'm running forward and--

ANJALI: Just stop her, don't kill her.

SAM: She's about to get away.

TALIESIN: I'm going to run forward and--

MATT: You've already used your action. They have a moment to take over.

JASMINE: Can I use afterburner dash?

MATT: Yes, you can. (flames whooshing) And you just charge inward.

SAM: Don't kill her!

JASMINE: I won't kill her. And I grab her by the lapels of her lab coat, and I say: We got your little voice message. Tell us, where's this Hayden man?

ANJALI: And where's the red relay crystal above the pod?

LAURA: And how do we shut down a weapon or something?

SAM: One at a time. First, where's Dr. Hayden?

MATT: (whimpers)

JASMINE: I breathe in her face, too. And I had tuna salad for lunch.

MATT: (groans) The director's in the hammer terminal. It's..."

SAM: It's over there.

LAURA: Okay.

ANJALI: It's what?

MATT: "It may not be ready yet."

LAURA: Oh, the weapon?

ANJALI: That's fine.

LAURA: Okay. How do we turn off a generator?


MATT: "It's not my specialty."

LAURA: Well, you can guess.

MATT: "Turn it off? It powers the entire facility, though."

SAM: What were you about to do? Were you teleporting out of here, to where?

MATT: "Anywhere but here."

ANJALI: Where's the relay crystal, the red relay crystal?

MATT: "I have no idea what you're talking about."

ANJALI: Was it her voice or not?

TALIESIN: I'm going to look for anything red in this room.

MATT: Make a perception check.

SAM: I think there are more than one female human.

ANJALI: What?!

SAM: Yes.

JASMINE: They all sound the same to me.

ANJALI: But I never see them anywhere. They're so quiet!


MATT: No luck, then.

ANJALI: All right. (mutters)

LAURA: What does off look like?

TALIESIN: (laughs)

MATT: "Uh, the opposite of on."

JASMINE: I feel like you're being kind of snarky--

SAM: From my experience, it's like a circle--

JASMINE: --and I don't like when people are snarky.

SAM: --and then a line with a bunch of other lines.

ANJALI: What if we just use her as a hos--

JASMINE: Where is your little relay, or your little teleporter, where is it programmed to take you?

MATT: "It was going to take me to one of the other safe houses for the ARC, members of the Armaros community here, nonmilitary personnel."

SAM: We should not destroy this teleport thing, because we can use it to get into other bases and take them down in similar fashions.

JASMINE: But she just said they're civilians.

TALIESIN: It'd be weird, though, if their lights go out.

LAURA: They're tasty, less shell.

JASMINE: It's like opening a can of sardines.

MATT: "I can take you to the director if you want me to, just don't kill me."

LAURA: Turn off a generator for us, though.

SAM: It's going to be okay.

ANJALI: Let's go, yes.

SAM: Let's take a hostage.

ANJALI: Let's take this hostage with us. Someone hold her tightly and in front. And Mancubus, you will not kill her.

SAM: Yet, yet.

LAURA: Can I eat her a little bit while we carry her?

ANJALI: You can smell her.

SAM: You can eat her hair.

LAURA: Okay, I'm just going to smoosh her, and hug her, but I'm not going to kill her. I'm just going to hug her real good.

MATT: Okay.


MATT: You go, Mancubus.

ANJALI: Show us where the director is. (laughs)

MATT: "Oh god!"

ANJALI: Mancubus!

MATT: She points out of the relay and begins to lead you guys through the halls, heading back through the comm center, through here, past the crew quarters.

SAM: (screams)

MATT: Do you guys want to do anything in the crew quarters?

SAM: Wait, wait, wait.

ANJALI: Stop, stop, stop. I want to see if I hear anything, or if I hear voices, or anything. There's no one in the crew quarters. I just want to stop and listen. Stop, collaborate, and listen. Where did that come from?

MATT: Make a perception check.

SAM: Wait, do you have the soul of--

ANJALI: The soul of someone named--

SAM: Vanilla Ice?

ANJALI: Vanilla Ice in here! Yeah, it's delicious. It's vanilla, it's cold, it's Vanilla Ice. No, oh, plus seven! It's a 16.

MATT: A 16, okay. You can hear what sounds like discussion, like heated conversation in this chamber ahead, that way. That's all you can really make out at the moment.

ANJALI: There are voices beyond there; they seem to be agitated in discussion.

LAURA: I bet it's the bad guy.

SAM: Of course. But part of our mission was to take one of these generators down, too. Is there a specific order that this needs to happen in, or can we just go get the weapon first?

JASMINE: Well...

TALIESIN: They could turn on the generators, maybe, if we're not in the right room.

JASMINE: It seems like nobody really knows what's going on about these stupid people we've picked up. If we were to get the director, I'm assuming their job is to direct. Maybe they'll know how to turn off the generators.

LAURA: Good idea.


SAM: Sure.

LAURA: I start walking down the hallway towards the director.

MATT: Okay.

ANJALI: (mumbles)

LAURA: I don't know.

ANJALI: I don't like it.

MATT: Slowly being pushed forward, step by--

LAURA: I'm just eating-- her hair is in my mouth.

MATT: "Oh god."

ANJALI: Mancubus.

SAM: Just in case it gives us any more additional information, I'm going to pull out my iPad, and just see if I can get it to give us a message or something.

MATT: Okay, your "iPad."

SAM: Oh, sorry, my Zune.

MATT: Okay, roll a d20.

SAM: Intelligence, or no?

MATT: Sure, add your intelligence.

SAM: 20.

MATT: 20, okay.


MATT: All right, you actually manage to push two elements here. The first one goes...

(data pad beeping)

LIAM (V.O.): "Safety Supervisor, Carl Ingbert, January 5th, 2150. I'm continuously miffed at how precariously stored and restrained our volatile materials are being kept throughout the facility. Overhead platforms held by supports that are under code, exposed waste with deadly levels of poison, only one accident away from tragedy. I feel like my reports are just vanishing into the ether. I'm going to bring up the poor placement of our combustible fuel stores to the director in the hopes of seeing some changes around here." (data pad beeping) Carl Ingbert, January 12th, 2150. Well, I have been terminated from my duties. Fine, ARC can kiss my ass. When shit hits the fan I'm going to send a strongly worded 'I told you so' echo recording."

JASMINE: Screw them, you don't need them, sista.

MATT: And with a 20, the second one plays.

SAM: Oh, there are more?

ANJALI: Ooh, more!

MATT: That was one.

ANJALI: I love it!

MATT: As you're walking into the chamber.

(data pad beeping)

TRAVIS (V.O.): "Amaros Energy Systems Manager Frank Lobel, April 29th, 2151. The development of the Argent Hammer is progressing slower than anticipated and director Hayden is not pleased. The lead director has demanded the Argent plasma generators be pushed beyond their safety thresholds, which leaves me anxious. We have occasionally amplified their output in recent months, but such surges have me worrying if we push any further, should we push all three too far, we risk a catastrophic meltdown."

LAURA: That's good.

MATT: As the log finishes, as Mancubus leads into the--

LAURA: I stop walking! I turn around: We should just do that thing!

ANJALI: Do it again.

LAURA: Do it again.

ANJALI: And again!

SAM: All right.

TALIESIN: And again.

SAM: Where to?

LAURA: Should we go to one of the other generators first?

SAM: Yes, I think so.

ANJALI: Yes, and also, that guy spoke about the storage being--

SAM: Yes, there's all sorts of terrible storage right next to the generators.

LAURA: So we should go up to this generator first and try to turn it on like we turned on the other generator.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: And then we should go to this one, and then come up and kill the--

ANJALI: We can't go through there that way, so we have to come around this way. So go back, we go back that way.

JASMINE: Well no.

SAM: Sorry lady, you're going on a little ride.

LAURA: Should I just eat her?

SAM: Maybe.

JASMINE: We don't really need her.

ANJALI: Yes, we do, she's still a hostage.


ANJALI: It can slow humans down, they care about theirselves.


ANJALI: They care about the others.

MATT: The door doesn't open.

JASMINE: What an unattractive quality.

ANJALI: Which door doesn't open?

MATT: The door that you passed through originally.

TALIESIN: I use the keycard again.

(door beeping)

MATT: Red light.

SAM: Oh no, the SOS.

JASMINE: She did this.

MATT: "I didn't do anything!"

SAM: Punish her!

LAURA: Open it up.

MATT: "I can't, I don't know how!"

ANJALI: Can one of you strong things open up the door?

LAURA: I'm going to kill her.

ANJALI: No, don't kill her. Can one of you strong guys open up the door?

TALIESIN: I hit it with, well--

LAURA: I hand her over to Ickybod.

MATT: (screams)

SAM: (hisses)

LAURA: I just try to punch it.

MATT: Roll a strength check.

LAURA: Wah, oh, that shouldn't count, but it does. A seven!

MATT: Seven. (banging) No, these are closed, and this isn't, you notice now at this point, this isn't the door that you walked through, these are additional blast doors that have gone over it.

LAURA: Oh d'no.


TALIESIN: Well, maybe there's a key in one of these crew quarters.

LAURA: I don't think a key'll work.

JASMINE: What if you got on that little thingy and you did the reverse of what the other guy did and you just--

SAM: You want me to hack the system?

JASMINE: Hack the whole planet, darling.

SAM: I'm going to hack the planet.

ANJALI: Is that a thing?

LAURA: Do you need help?

SAM: Yes. (laughs)

ANJALI: While they're doing that, can look up and see if there's--

LAURA: I start opening my cannon portal.

SAM: Oh, you're just typing on your own arm?

MATT: Mancubus helps you with the hacking, which does not give you advantage. Roll an intelligence check.

SAM: Yeah, 18 to hack the planet.

MATT: That does nothing, nothing. You have no idea how to hack anything, you're a demon. (laughs)

LAURA: Beep, beep, beep.

ANJALI: We look up--

MATT: You guys have only gotten this lucky my dropping shit and pushing things.

SAM: We hit a firewall.

LAURA: Make the girl do it.

JASMINE: You had such a good track record with the all the voices and stuff.

SAM: All right, all right, all right, we've got options. You've got a bomb of some sort, that can maybe get us through this blast door.

ANJALI: Can we look up and see if there's any kind of a-- beams or anything besides ceiling, catwalks, anything that could go over?

ANJALI: A ventilation system.

MATT: Ah, in this chamber, looking around, there doesn't appear to be anything immediately visible. Make a perception check.


MATT: 18, currently no. The floor itself is a grating, a metallic grating, but beneath that, it's only about a two inch give, and there's nothing above you, it's just a straight hallway that leads to crew quarters, and all the crew quarter doors also have the same blast door sealed around them. However, the chamber into the one marked classified is open, and you see a faint golden glow. (machine thrumming)

ANJALI: So, were the people that I heard, I thought that that door was shut and we could hear them across a door, or is it a doorway and we heard them.

MATT: It was a doorway and you were hearing it as you were approaching.

ANJALI: All right, well we don't have much other choice.

SAM: We should try to blast our way through this door.

JASMINE: Kind of feels like a trap.

ANJALI: It's open.

TALIESIN: I don't think we're going to be able to blast our way through this door.

LAURA: What was the blinky light?

SAM: Kreel's got it.

LAURA: But no, what was the other thing we saw?

ANJALI: Yeah, yeah, he said--

SAM: Oh, in the classified?

ANJALI: -- there was a glowing light.

SAM: That's where the hammer is.

ANJALI: That's the Argent Hammer.

MATT: There's a 10-foot wide doorway that is open, that leads into there. The only light you see, and it's just out of view, but you see this occasionally thrumming gold light from the inside of that chamber.

ANJALI: Well, we don't have any other way to go. I'm pulling up all my soul shields before we go in there.

SAM: Oh man, you've got Hall *and** Oates pulled up.

ANJALI: I've got everyone. I've got everyone in front of me. I guess we go in?


SAM: (exhales) I don't like this.

ANJALI: Where else are we going to go?

JASMINE: It just seems a bit like a trap.

SAM: I guess we could go through and run to the other one.

ANJALI: That's what I'm saying, where else are we going to go? Unless we sit here and do nothing and twiddle our non-opposable thumbs.

MATT: Okay, so you're not trying for the door anymore, you're moving down the hallway?

JASMINE: Well, if it doesn't open...

SAM: We could try to blast it open.

JASMINE: Do any of the crew quarter doors seem--

ANJALI: Let's make one more attempt.

LAURA: We'll blast it.

MATT: Go for it, make two attack rolls on it.

(cannons booming)

LAURA: 19 and 12.

MATT: Unfortunately, as you blast both, you see the impacts explode and the black marks across them from detonation, but the armor's too strong. It did not penetrate the door.


ANJALI: Anyone else want to give it a try?

JASMINE: Are the blast doors by the crew quarters? Do they look like they're the same material that's covering the main--

MATT: The one that's guarding you?


MATT: Yes, they appear to be the same material, currently.

JASMINE: So it doesn't look like any of the crew quarter doors may have more potential to give.

MATT: You can check if you want to. Make an investigation check, if you want.


ANJALI: Those just go into their quarters, right?

JASMINE: Let's see, investigation, so it'd be 12, 14.

MATT: 14, okay, looking, as you make your way from door to door, you're having a hard time really noticing any sort of changes or shifts into it. You, with your high perception, are noticing that that gold glow that's pulsing is pulsing ever so slightly quicker with each pulse.

LAURA: We should probably go and try to shut it down.

ANJALI: I feel like we have no choice. We're here to shut that down and get the Hayden guy.

LAURA: Gimme the girl.

SAM: (scoffs) Fine.

ANJALI: Is your dear leader in there? Stop eating her hair. Is your leader, lead person, in there? I ask the girl.

MATT: "Hi."


MATT: "Hi."

ANJALI: Is he in there?

MATT: "Probably."

ANJALI: All right, her in front.

MATT: "He doesn't like anybody."

LAURA: I squish her.

MATT: You squish her?

ANJALI: Don't squish her too hard.

MATT: Make a strength check.

LAURA: Oh no.

TALIESIN: Squish her pretty hard, do it.

LAURA: (laughs) 19.

MATT: Pop!

SAM: (screams)

(camera shutter clicking)

LAURA: Sorry, Phyllis.

MATT: (laughs)

ANJALI: Well go and eat her!

JASMINE: It was like she just opened a blood soda.

ANJALI: Go ahead and eat her.

MATT: Oh my god, okay.

ANJALI: And now, can we go in now?

SAM: Yes, of course, let's go!

ANJALI: All right, musicians up front.

MATT: So what's the--

ANJALI: Someone else--

MATT: What's the marching order here?

SAM: Hall and Oates.

ANJALI: Not me! I'm squishy even with all my musicians.

TALIESIN: Who's in front?

SAM: Kreel, do you want to take it?


ANJALI: You're damaged, what about Mancubus?

LAURA: I can stand in, I'll stand in front.

JASMINE: Mancubus. That's what you get for eating the lady.

LAURA: I just hold up a leg. Come on!

TALIESIN: I'll be behind.

LAURA: They're good!

MATT: As Mancubus leads the charge, chewing on the--

LAURA: Oh, I don't have any hands, I don't do that.

MATT: (laughs)

LAURA: Come on!

TALIESIN: I'll hold it so you can eat that.

MATT: Aww, that's teamwork. I love it.

TALIESIN: Right, so we're going first.

MATT: All right, chewing your scientist cut over there, as you make your way.

SAM: Do you want the skull?

TALIESIN: Oh, I'll take that, yeah.

ANJALI: I'm also going to have this item in one of my hands as I float through.

MATT: All right. You guys step through the threshold into this massive dome-shaped chamber. You can see that golden glow is pulsing from a pillar in the center where, about six feet off the ground, it comes to a gradual element of metallic instruments that come and join to this heavy-looking box of some kind that has multiple, gem-like nodes in it. It is protected by a very, very dense, glass-like material that obfuscates some of its details at this distance, but it is (thrumming) giving off this undulating hum, and the light flashing each time.

ANJALI: (tongue clicks) I'm a thing.

MATT: As you all step in, the door behind you (whooshing) shuts closed. (groaning) There's a door to your left that is currently closed. As you step in, this wide, open space surrounded with a couple of dividing doors that have some instruments on there, you can see two others workers in similar coats, who are currently standing and typing in things to the sides of this device.

LAURA: We should stop them.

ANJALI: Stop them now.

MATT: They're both like. (tapping)

SAM: Let's attack!

LAURA: Yeah, we attack them.

MATT: Go for it, roll for, separately or all one? Both at, no, one at each.

MATT: One at each, okay.

LAURA: So that's a 24 on one and a 14 on the other.

MATT: Both hit, roll damage.

SAM: Whoa.

LAURA: Oh yeah. Eight on one and six on the other.

MATT: One of them splatters into a spray of gore and bits. Across from him, the other one gets blown back and is still alive on the ground like. (grunts)

LAURA: Somebody get him!

TALIESIN: I'll run up and grab him.

MATT: Okay, you grab him, pull up, and at that point, you notice that to the north side of the chamber where this little box here is placed, a similar, semi-opaque glass vault stands, observing the interior of this chamber. Beyond the glass on the inside, you see, what looks to be humanoid, though, at least in structure, but the entire body is robotic. You see thin, gaunt limbs made of mechanical parts and fingers. And you see, there, where the head is, a robot head, thin and long, no features except for a singular slitted blue light.


DARIN (V.O.): "We're working together, how fascinating. I'm Dr. Samuel Hayden, I'm the administrator of this facility. If you can understand me, if my words are penetrating into the undulating soup inside your skulls that passes for brains, leave now, before I bring the full power of the Argent Hammer down upon you."

LAURA: Holy, that was awesome.

SAM: That was awesome, but...

ANJALI: That's that amazing voice. Your voice is very impressive.

JASMINE: I'm feeling a rattling down in my pelvic bones.

DARIN (V.O.): "You're dealing with humor, how nice. You will be easy to kill."

ANJALI: (groans)

JASMINE: Is anyone going to try, should we try and--

ANJALI: No, I don't think we can take him out through the glass thing, no, no, no.

SAM: We got to get out of this room.

ANJALI: Is that door that way open?

SAM: It's closed.

MATT: They're both sealed.

ANJALI: They're both sealed.

TALIESIN: I'm going to, I still have a--

ANJALI: You told us to leave but we can't get out.

SAM: Kreel, get us out of this room!

TALIESIN: Open the door.

MATT: The person who's wounded is like, (grunts) and spits in your face. You watch as Dr. Samuel Hayden brings a hand up right above the console before him.

ANJALI: You told us to leave, tell us how.

DARIN (V.O.): "I will let you leave... this earthly plane. You will soon cease to exist."

SAM: No!

DARIN (V.O.): "Goodbye."


SAM: Kreel, throw the bomb!

MATT: As he presses a button on the console, (beeping) you watch as these three heavy metallic tubes that seem to spiral down this large pointed pillar that meets the top half of this box begin to glow with warm Argent energy towards the box, and you watch it begin to have a similar sound to the previous chamber.

LAURA: Oh no! Oh no, oh no, let's get him, let's get him!

TALIESIN: I'm going to take, first of all, snap.

MATT: What are you doing?

TALIESIN: Put that away. I'm going to take that weird thing, I don't know what it does. I'm going to toss it at the other door that's currently closed.

MATT: Okay, you throw it, hits the door and flashes the same color as Argent energy. No effect.

SAM: (screams)

LAURA: I'm just going to shoot at Dr. Hayden even though he's covered.

MATT: Okay, go ahead and roll attacks.

LAURA: 20 and 11.

MATT: Both blasts impact upon the glass,

LAURA: (groans)

MATT: Nothing.

DARIN (V.O.): "Save your ammunition."

LAURA: (groans)

ANJALI: What about the machine itself, is there anything that I can perceive that would be a spot of weakness?

MATT: Make a perception check.

ANJALI: Come on. (mumbles)

SAM: We need to blow up the fucking generators.



MATT: 25, looking towards the very, very top of this large pillar, there are the locations where these Argent devices connect, themselves have mooring that holds them to that place that is not as well plated as the rest of the device.

ANJALI: Everyone, shoot those things, shoot those spots!

LAURA: (cannons booming)

JASMINE: Rocket barrage.

MATT: Rocket barrage? All right, just focusing on one?

JASMINE: Mm hmm. I go: Ha ha! It's like the 4th of July in here!

MATT: Go ahead and make your six attacks.

LAURA: Go really fast, we're on a timer.

JASMINE: Ah, that's what I'm doing. Okay, so, I got 17, 17.

MATT: Hit, hit.

JASMINE: Sorry, hands are shaking. 15.

MATT: Miss.


MATT: Miss.

JASMINE: And then I got a 16.

MATT: Hit.

JASMINE: And a, so it hit three times, then.

MATT: Okay, so roll damage three times, then Mancubus is up next.

JASMINE: Nine, six, and six.

MATT: Six, great. (whooshing) Rockets go screaming out of the Revenant's store, blasting into the side, you watch the mooring hang for a bit. It's showing damage.

DARIN (V.O.): "One, two, three, four."

ANJALI: Go, go, go, shoot it, shoot it shoot it!

DARIN: "This is counting."

LAURA: Only one of them hit!

DARIN (V.O.): "If you understand this concept, use it to add up your final moments of existence."

LAURA: I'm shooting, I'm shooting!

MATT: All right, roll for your attacks.

LAURA: I did, I did, and I rolled a 16 and lower than that.

MATT: Okay, 16 hits.

LAURA: Okay, so it was only three points of fire damage on the tubes.

MATT: Three points of fire damage on the tubes. (metal creaking) It's starting to look like it's taken some damage. Who's up next?

SAM: I will send Rolling Fire up at it.

MATT: Okay, go ahead and roll your attacks for that.

SAM: Uh-huh, I do twice, both hit.

MATT: Okay, roll damage.

SAM: Ooh, it's a grand total of 21 points of damage.

MATT: Ooh, the mooring collapses. You watch as the tube itself is now free of the mooring, is hanging, and is showing damage. That one of the three tubes is now starting to flicker.

LAURA: How high up is it?

MATT: Right now, from where you are, it's about 15 feet up.

TALIESIN: I'm going to jump up with my axe and just take a swing at it.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: That's a 24 to hit.

MATT: That hits, go ahead and roll damage.

TALIESIN: (groans) That's seven points of slashing damage.

MATT: Seven points of slashing damage, you cut through the tube and it goes, you see Argent energy rescind up, so now it's one of the three is now destroyed.

SAM: One of the three?!

MATT: It slows it for a moment.

LAURA: Oh god.

ANJALI: Am I the only one left? Well, I am summoning an advanced demon.

MATT: Okay, okay, as you focus, you watch as a Cacodemon, a distant cousin, if you will, to yourself as a Pain Elemental, appear.

ANJALI: Esther!

MATT: Its singular eye, it goes, "Phyllis?"

ANJALI: Go get that thing and make it stop!

MATT: Its mouth opens, its separate jaws begin to spark this blue energy in its mouth before it fires it towards, go ahead an attack for it, if you don't mind.

ANJALI: Oh no, oh no. Do I get anything plus?

LAURA: Yeah, add a--

MATT: For advanced demon, it's plus five.

ANJALI: It's a seven.

MATT: It goes wide. Hits the wall, no effect.

ANJALI: All right, so that was my--

MATT: That's your action.

ANJALI: Action.

LAURA: It gets two attacks.

MATT: Oh, it does, attack again.

ANJALI: It gets two attacks, I knew that.

MATT: Yep, there you go.

ANJALI: It doesn't.

MATT: "I'm sorry, I'm nervous! You put me on the spot, Phyllis."

DARIN (V.O.): "Interesting, you've made me feel something I haven't felt in a long time: Pity."

MATT: All right, so--

SAM: She was right, he's really just a dick. He doesn't like anybody, no. He's the worst.

MATT: All right, Mancubus, I believe you're up next.

LAURA: Yeah, I'm going to shoot the other ones.

MATT: Go for it.

LAURA: Okay. Can I, okay. (screams) Natural 20! And a 13.

MATT: Misses, but go ahead and roll for the natural 20. It's getting close.

LAURA: Ooh, 18 plus one, 19 points!

MATT: 19 damage, nice! The mooring comes loose a little bit. All right, finishing up your turn, you're up next.

JASMINE: (stutters) I'm going to shoot a rocket at it.

MATT: All right, you have two rockets, right, to fire?

JASMINE: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Roll twice.

JASMINE: I'm going to shoot a rocket at it. They don't hit.

LAURA: Okay, next!

SAM: Rolling Fire, both hit.

MATT: Dang!

SAM: Not as good, 15 points total damage.

MATT: 15 points total damage, (creaking) it's hanging a bit.

ANJALI: Kreel!

MATT: You see now, it's starting to pulse and get louder and louder. The whole room's starting to vibrate with this latent Argent energy.

TALIESIN: Okay, I'm going to take another running jump, and I'm going to take two swings with the axe.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: A big flip.

SAM: Oh god, we're getting down to it, guys!

TALIESIN: Natural 20!

MATT: Roll damage!

TALIESIN: That's two, four, five, seven points of damage.

MATT: All right.


TALIESIN: And next one is eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 14, doesn't.

MATT: 14 misses.

TALIESIN: No, it's seven points doubled, right?

DARIN (V.O.): "Is that your name, Kreel? Is that what they call you?"

LAURA: Go, quickly, go, go! Don't let him talk, go!

DARIN (V.O.): "I will use it as I dissect you, Kreel."


MATT: That hits, roll damage.

SAM: Quick, quick!

LAURA: (screams)

ANJALI: Is it mine or is this mine, this is mine.

TALIESIN: It's yours, yeah.

SAM: Just go!

ANJALI: That's six and five, 11 plus four is 15.

MATT: 15 points of damage?


MATT: The mooring comes free.

ANJALI: That's me, Esther go! Esther, go to the next one!


ANJALI: 14 plus two is 16!

LAURA: Did we break it?

MATT: 16 hits!

ANJALI: (stammers) Six, sorry, sorry.

MATT: Right, we're doing this last bit here. What's the total damage for the Cacodemon?

ANJALI: It was six, plus three is nine.

MATT: Nine damage, that one blast--

ANJALI: That was only one attack, she gets two.

MATT: Correct.


MATT: But right as the last bit of the impact begins to hit, the tube itself hanging as it flies into the air, the last bit of energy pulses through, and in a brief moment, time seems to come to a slight crawl.

DARIN (V.O.): "Fascinating, I'm excited."

MATT: (energy crashing) The device flashes with a blinding amount of gold energy, spreading throughout the chamber, you feel the outer elements of your skin and body suddenly filled with burning, acidic-like, scalding Argent energy. You feel like you've been pummeled on a molecular level. As you fall to your knees for a second, you're still alive. You're still alive, but your body itself is in pain, it's exhausted, it's seeping. Your own viscera is leaking through parts of you, your body itself has heavily weakened. The Argent Hammer now lies cold, but a test successful.

DARIN (V.O.): "It worked, you have become weaker. Ah, this is interesting."

MATT: At this point, you hear this high, screaming sound of something breaking the sound barrier. (sonic booming) (explosion booming) An explosion that rocks the chamber as fire and smoke fills the interior of this classified section of the Argent Hammer's space. The large pillar in the center that is connected to it bends and falls to the ground. I need you all to roll dexterity saving throws with disadvantage. All of your rolls for the rest of this game are at disadvantage. The Argent Hammer was successful.

SAM: Oh no!

LAURA: Fudge!

SAM: 12?

ANJALI: I fail in every way.



MATT: 23?


MATT: Okay, you succeed. You take no damage. You take nine points of bludgeoning damage, nine points of bludgeoning damage. What'd you roll?

SAM: Less, I mean, 13.

MATT: Anyone who rolled lower than a 15 takes nine points of bludgeoning damage.

ANJALI: Does that still count?

TALIESIN: Take nine out of the 20.

MATT: All right, the room is filled with smoke and debris, you lose sight of everything around you, as nothing but the horrible searing pain of the Argent Hammer itself, having blasted through your body, and whatever heavy thing had impacted the side of this complex. Bits of red rock from the mesa above have tumbled into the chamber. Then silence falls, a little bit of light clicks on. (whooshing) As this glow fills the chamber, you can see the outer shell of what looks like some sort of a spacecraft that has crashed into the side of this building.

SAM: What?!

MATT: Tangled wreckage, bent backward, there is a terrible mess of destruction around you. And the light source itself, a doorway akimbo to the side. You see a humanoid figure descend, step by step.

ANJALI: It's the Doom Slayer!

MATT: Wearing familiar Praetor suit armor, the helmet obscuring the face, bearing a familiar mark across its brow.

LAURA: Oh no.

MATT: Here, having crashed from beyond the outside of Earth, the Doom Slayer has returned.


JASMINE: Oh my god, it's Doom Senpai!

SAM: (camera shutter clicking)

MATT: As he pulls back and reaches for a chain gun.

LAURA and SAM: No!

SAM: Get us out of this room!

JASMINE: Step on me!

MATT: We're going to go ahead and take a break.


ANJALI: That's just a break?

SAM: We're losing the game!

ANJALI: We are the dumbest demons in the history of demons.

LAURA: Demons are dumb.

JASMINE: They are, demons are very dumb.

MATT: We'll come back here shortly to pick up the latter half of this chaotic narrative with the arrival of the Doom Slayer.


LAURA: It was like going into the boss fight before you'd fully prepared in the game, and then you couldn't go back to your previous save file.

MATT: (laughs) That's a good way to put it. But yeah, we'll be back here in just a moment, guys. We'll see you shortly.


(heavy industrial music) (suspenseful music) (heavy industrial music) (suspenseful music)

MAN: Casualties range in the billions.

WOMAN: They're killing everyone!

MAN: They're everywhere!

WOMAN: Please help us!

WOMAN: This is humanity's chance to repent.

(suspenseful music)

MAN: Against all the evil that Hell can conjure, all the wickedness that mankind can produce, we will send unto them, only you.

MAN: Saving your people will not bring you peace, only make the burden you carry worse.

WOMAN: For millennia we have survived, made others sacrifice in the name of our prosperity. Who are you, a human, to defy our traditions?

(gun clicking) (heavy industrial music) (gunfire booming)

DR. HAYDEN: Please move quickly, there are those who would seek to stop this.

MARAUDER: You are nothing but a usurper, a false idol.

WOMAN: The only thing they fear is you.

(heavy industrial music) (demon screeching) (heavy industrial music)

Part II[]

MATT: And welcome back. So last we left off, a spacecraft had crashed its way into the Argent Hammer testing chamber, and upon the smoke clearing, revealed the Doom Slayer, the unkillable Hell Walker, the bane of all entities from Hell has arrived.

LAURA: Oh d'no.

MATT: As it steps out, weapons drawn, Dr. Samuel Hayden turns to you.

DARIN (V.O.): "This is delightfully unexpected. Well, I'll leave you to your... doom. (laughs)"

SAM: He said the name of the game.


MATT: He presses a button on the chamber, and all the doors open--

SAM: (screams)

MATT: -- including one behind him, which he then ducks into.


SAM: Oh no!

ANJALI: Crap, we got to get him and we got to get out of here.

LAURA: Do we see where he went?

SAM: Where does it go?

ANJALI: You know what guys, we got to get out of here, the Doom Slayer is coming.

MATT: There is, indeed, a dotted line on the map.

SAM: We can't see, we don't know what that is.

MATT: Well, you guys have, you brought the map with you.

ANJALI: Let's run to the plasma generators and shut them down.

SAM: It goes to that place.

LAURA: Yeah, but should we go that way, or should we go this way?

MATT: But regardless...

ANJALI: Here comes the Doom Slayer, go somewhere!

MATT: Let's go ahead and roll some initiative for this.

SAM: Oh, the Doom Slayer!

LAURA: (screams)

MATT: The Doom Slayer's on the map.

SAM: Esther can take care of him.

LAURA: (screams)

ANJALI: No, she can't.

SAM: We roll at disadvantage?

LAURA: Everything is at disadvantage?

MATT: Everything is at disadvantage, guys, for the rest of the game.

TALIESIN: Oh, wow. Wow, oh no.

MATT: (laughs)

LAURA: Did you roll a 20?

MATT: 19.

LAURA: Oh no!

MATT: All righty, so, 25 to 20. All righty, 20 to 15.

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: 15 to 10.

LAURA: 10.

SAM: (laughs)

MATT: Wow! Okay.

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: Mancubus. Ten to five.



JASMINE: Yeah, just me at seven.

MATT: Wow, okay, so we have Reva. Five to one.


MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Did you roll zero?

SAM: Uh-huh.

TALIESIN: (laughs)

JASMINE: Really?

SAM: One minus one.

MATT: Okay, then.

LAURA: Oh my god.


MATT: Phyllis and then Ickybod.

TALIESIN: This is bad.

MATT: All righty. With Dr. Hayden having escaped through a hall behind the chamber, the Doom Slayer steps down. (footsteps thudding) (gunfire blasting) (screaming) And is going to come close, emerging using the chain gun, it's a 30 foot cone to all creatures. All of you need to make a dexterity saving throw, including your demon.

LAURA: At disadvantage!

MATT: At disadvantage.

SAM: That doesn't matter.


TALIESIN: (screams) It's rolling so poorly.

JASMINE: Ooh! (laughs)

MATT: He's rolling really poorly, too.

JASMINE: (cackles)

MATT: That's better, okay, so, what'd you roll?


TALIESIN: Oh, I rolled eight.

MATT: 16 points of piercing damage.



MATT: 16 points of piercing damage.


MATT: You take eight points of piercing damage.

SAM: Two.

MATT: 16 points of piercing damage.

LAURA: 17.

MATT: You take eight points of piercing damage, and your demon, go ahead and roll for your demon.


JASMINE: Is that a 51 or 57?

SAM: Let's say seven.


MATT: 16 points of piercing damage. And is going to use the second action to mow through again.


LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: Everyone make another save, please.


MATT: (laughs)

TALIESIN: Ah, it's a little better.

SAM: I got to get out of here.

MATT: All right, what'd you roll?


MATT: 15 points of piercing damage. Phyllis?

ANJALI: An eight and a five.

MATT: 15 points of piercing damage to each of you.

ANJALI: And my demon is dead.

LAURA: Oh no! Cacodemon is mowed down.

ANJALI: Esther!


MATT: 18? You take six points of piercing damage, or seven, sorry, seven points of piercing damage.

SAM: Zero.

MATT: That'd be 15 points. And you, Mancubus?

LAURA: 14.

MATT: 14, you take 15 points of piercing damage.

SAM: Boy, I'm looking real bad.

MATT: The Doom Slayer, however, is out of ammo in the chain gun.

SAM: Oh good.

MATT: And that is its turn. But he still like, (footsteps thudding) and puts the chain gun away somewhere, it's mysterious. And begins to pull out what looks to be-- we'll say a plasma rifle. All right, cool. So next, Mancubus, what are you doing?

LAURA: Can I drop a smoke bomb?

SAM: Should we split up?

MATT: Yes, you can.

LAURA: And take off running down the hallway.

MATT: I'll give you your minis and keep tabs on you guys, here. So as you come running, your speed is 30?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: We'll say it gets you about there.

LAURA: But I'm dropping the smoke bomb between the doors, so he doesn't know which way we ran.

MATT: So you did obfuscate the space.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: All right, that's your turn. Reva.

JASMINE: Are you saying this out loud? Should we split the party?

SAM: Should we split the party?

MATT: It's your turn, what are you doing?

LAURA: What do you do?

JASMINE: I'm going to go the other way, the opposite way from Mancubus.

LAURA: Don't do it!

ANJALI: Oh my god.

MATT: All right, so you run this way. What's your speed?


MATT: 40, all right, so you can actually get quite further there. If you have something else, you can use your action to dash and go double movement if you want to.

JASMINE: Yeah, yeah, yeah, afterburner.

MATT: Oh, and afterburner's a bonus action, you can move three, you're. (rockets whooshing) So you actually use your entire turn to get to the other generator. (rockets whooshing)

JASMINE: Yes, banging into the walls as I'm flying through.

MATT: As you speed into this chamber, you come in here, and you can see, there are workers that see you and just start fleeing down towards the exo hangar bay. There is a generator there, a carbon copy, if arranged a little differently than the first one that you had seen. Above, there is a heavy skyway, and a platform above that has, it's held up by these load-bearing pillars that is filled with a whole series of drums that all seem to be sealed and, yeah, kind of precarious.

ANJALI: Toxic materials.

MATT: So anyway, that's your turn. That brings us to Kreel. Phyllis, you're on deck.

TALIESIN: The first thing I'm going to do is I'm going to stab a medi kit into Ickybod.

MATT: Okay, so that's you're action.

TALIESIN: That's my action, so that's (counting).

SAM: He's healing me?

MATT: Yeah, quickly use an action to use a med kit on you.

TALIESIN: That's 18 points of healing to you.

SAM: Hey.

TALIESIN: I'm going to spend my action to move 40 feet down the crew quarters. Yep, and then another 40 feet with my bonus action.

SAM: Whoa!

MATT: You got it. So that gets you all the way to the end of the hallway, we'll say about partway into that one. You got it, all right, that finishes your turn, Kreel. Phyllis.

ANJALI: Question.

LAURA: Could I have moved with my, oh no, not with my bonus.

MATT: No, you don't have that ability.

ANJALI: If I have gone through all my soul shield hit points, can I cast it again to get it back?

MATT: Yeah, as an action you can, yeah.

ANJALI: Okay, so I'm going to move in the direction of Mancubus. I'm going to follow Mancubus.

MATT: Okay, your speed is 25. You are just behind Mancubus.

ANJALI: Just behind Mancubus.

MATT: Trying to fly.

ANJALI: I do have a bonus action, but I don't think I can...

MATT: You don't have anything to use as a bonus action, unfortunately.

ANJALI: And then I-- Musicians, come save me! Hall, Oates, Axel, all of you!

MATT: Go ahead and roll your temporary hit points using your soul shield as you pull the nearby souls of the dead to surround you and defend you.

SAM: ♪ Private eyes are watching you ♪ ♪ They see your-- ♪

MATT: I can't clear that, Sam.


ANJALI: 12 and seven, 19.

MATT: 19 total?

TALIESIN: Oh, plus...

ANJALI: Plus eight, so 27.

MATT: 27 temporary hit points, mark that down.

ANJALI: Ooh, thank god, okay.

MATT: You're slow, but you can keep yourself shielded.

TALIESIN: That's good.

MATT: All right, so that ends your turn, that brings us to Ickybod. It is just you and the Doom Slayer right now as your friends have scattered in different directions. (footsteps thudding)

SAM: (whimpers) I'm going to teleport, bonus action, down the hall 15 feet, and hopefully he won't know which way I've gone. Then, as my action, I will put up a Flame Wall.

MATT: You have your movement still.

SAM: I know. Flame Wall.

MATT: Flame Wall going up.

SAM: Right across the doorway.

MATT: There you go.

SAM: And then movement, as far as I can go, 20 feet down the hall.

MATT: That'll get you about there, you're not very fast. The teleport helped you a little bit. All right, so the flame wall's there. Brings us to the top of the round. The Doom Slayer then, how long does the smoke last?

SAM: One minute, oh wait.

LAURA: One, no. It just says while the smoke lasts.

SAM: Until the end of your next turn.


MATT: Okay. So he's not sure which direction to go, he's going to roll to check. He attempts to go into the fire wall, and then cannot, he cannot pass it, and just sees you disappearing that way. So is going to use the rest of his movement to come into the chamber behind you guys. Now out of ammunition on the chain gun, he's actually going to put the plasma rifle away, and the Doom Blade extends. You watch as an arm blade arcs out from the left arm and is going to make three melee attacks against you, Phyllis.

SAM: Ooh, Phyllis.

ANJALI: And I'm so squishy.

SAM: Are you?

LAURA: You got 27 additional hit points.

MATT: Ooh, that's a 28 to hit.

ANJALI: Yeah, you hit me.

MATT: That's a 24 to hit.

ANJALI: You hit me.

MATT: And a 12 to hit.


SAM: Hey!

ANJALI: Denied!

MATT: Rolled a natural three on that one, so there you go. So, two hits on you.

ANJALI: Okay, I have 98 hit points.

LAURA: That's really, that's not squishy.

SAM: You'll survive a round.

ANJALI: Well no, armor class is not so good and I'm slow.

TALIESIN: And there's a regenerating--

ANJALI: ♪ I got my musician shield ♪

MATT: 19 points of slashing damage.

ANJALI: Suck it, I'm still alive.

MATT: Arcing through.

ANJALI: Ow, ow! That's what happens, she survives.

MATT: All right, finishing the Doom Slayer's turn, that brings us now to Mancubus' turn.

LAURA: (grunts) I'm going to use all my turn, can I use my movement and my action to run away?

MATT: Yeah, you can dash as your action.

LAURA: I'm going to do that.

MATT: Okay, your movement is 30?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: (footsteps thudding) You just emerge, you actually have to duck out of the way, Kreel, as you see Mancubus just looming into the room, and pretty much taking up the entire hallway, so you have to flatten for a moment.

LAURA: I'm just running!

MATT: All right, that finishes your turn.

LAURA: Mancubus!

MATT: Reva, you're up, Kreel, you're on deck.

JASMINE: I'm going to do the exact same thing I saw Mancubus do in the other room. I'm just going to pull the red lever.

MATT: Okay, so you're moving over to the side there.

JASMINE: Desperate times call for extra desperate measures.

MATT: You head inside the chamber there. You push up the red lever, right?

JASMINE: I flip the switch.

MATT: Okay, you push it up, it locks into place. You see the other locks give up, and the lights begin to blink in a rapid succession, and you hear the (generator humming).

ANJALI: That's going up in the right--

LAURA: Yeah, that's good.

MATT: So now it-- yeah, that is your action to do so, to handle all that. You still have some movement, if you'd like.

JASMINE: I'm going to attempt to try to reconvene with our friends on the other side.

SAM: Nice!

MATT: Okay, going through, back this way or--

JASMINE: This way.

MATT: All right, you use the last of your movement here to--

JASMINE: I'm just assuming I have some mental recollection of the map.

MATT: Yeah, yeah. All you guys do.

SAM: We have really good spatial awareness.

MATT: Your movement--

LAURA: It's a demon ability.

MATT: -- at 40 feet, gets you around over here, and you could, you used the afterburners last turn so you can't use them.

JASMINE: Yeah, yeah, I can't use them.

MATT: So that gets you into the, you're just now looking into the exo hangar bay. So you come through the, all the doors are open. The entirety of the facility has now apparently been opened as part of this release. As you stare into this humongous hangar, there is an elevated platform about five feet off the center in a square shape with three large load-bearing pillars in the center, and there are multiple heavy mechs that are all lined up against the far wall.

SAM: And turned on?

JASMINE: (groans)

MATT: You don't know.

SAM: Ooh!

MATT: But we're saying like,

JASMINE: I don't like that.

MATT: One.

LAURA: Oh god.

MATT: Two immediately visible from your perspective.

LAURA: Oh god.

JASMINE: Hi boys. I can't do anything else.

MATT: That finishes your turn. Kreel, you're up, Phyllis, you're on deck.

TALIESIN: I'm going to run and bonus action dash towards the flammable material storage.

MATT: Okay. You bonus action dash?


MATT: That gets you about there.

TALIESIN: Since, I will then, hold-- can I see what's going on in there yet, or no?

MATT: You can see inside, it's a room. You can see a couple of small metal crates on the ground, cases on the ground, and you can see, and it's kind of dark in here. The lights are starting to flicker a little bit. You can see, on the far edge, some things that remind you of Argent generators that you saw previously.

TALIESIN: I'm going to, with my action, summon an advanced demon.

MATT: Okay, a Hell Knight. Where do you want to summon it?

TALIESIN: Right in, actually, right behind, I should have summoned it before I left, but yeah, right behind me.

MATT: Okay, you go ahead and, (grunts) pull the dark demonic energy, and as you open the small temporary portal, a Hell Knight steps through: this massive, muscular, bipedal demon, featureless in the face, slick, except for the jaw and the open mouth, that arrives, stepping through. (growls)

TALIESIN: We're going to kill some things.

MATT: "Good."

TALIESIN: That's my turn.

MATT: Okay, well it gets to go on your turn. So what would you like the Hell Knight to do?

TALIESIN: Yeah, go back and help out the back. I want it to slow down the Doom Slayer.

ANJALI: Help me, help me.

MATT: Yeah, that'll get him there.

ANJALI: Oh Jesus, that's it?

MATT: You watch a Hell Knight step over in your direction.

TALIESIN: Does he also get to move as his action too?

MATT: Yeah, he can, so if you want to push back here. You get to about there.

ANJALI: Thank you.


SAM: Hey, look at that.

MATT: All righty, Phyllis, your turn.

ANJALI: Okay, so as I-- I'm moving and acting, so I'm fleeing and regenerating my musician shield.

MATT: Okay, as you-- in what order, are you moving away, or are you putting the shield up first?

ANJALI: Put the shield up first.

MATT: Okay, so go ahead and roll.

SAM: Is it Kenny Loggins?

ANJALI: ♪ Highway ♪ I can't get everything, I shouldn't sing songs.

SAM: ♪ Power of love ♪

ANJALI: Ugh. 10, 13 plus eight is 21.

MATT: Okay, you got 21 temporary hit points. As you move out of the combat range of the Doom Slayer, going to make a melee attack with the Doom Blade against you.

ANJALI: Oh, because that's a disengage? Oh shit.

MATT: That is going to be a 21 to hit.

ANJALI: Yeah, he hit me.

MATT: You take 15 points of slashing damage from behind.


MATT: That gets you 20 feet, which'll put you about there at the full distance away. Actually, nah, about there is where you are. You're pretty slow.

ANJALI: That's right, that's right.

MATT: 25, I'll meet you in the middle, there you go.


ANJALI: She's just screaming: Help me, help me!

MATT: All right, at the end of your turn, the Doom Slayer is going to use a legendary action.


LAURA: He's got legendary actions!

MATT: Yep, it's going to quick shot with the combat shotgun.

LAURA: Oh no!

MATT: It's going to now, pulling the blade away, pull out the combat shotgun, (blasting)

SAM: Where's he keep all these weapons?

MATT: -- and fire once towards you.

TALIESIN: No one knows.

ANJALI: He has big pockets.

MATT: A 15 to hit?


MATT: All right, it blasts you for, ooh, 14 points of piercing damage. (slamming) From behind.

ANJALI: Minus.


LAURA: Damn, he's cool.

MATT: All right, finishing Phyllis's turn, it is now Ickybod's turn.

LAURA: Go Icky!

SAM: Reva! I will run 20 feet.

MATT: All right.

SAM: And then dash 20 feet. That's it. (laughter) I'm real slow.

MATT: Yeah. All right, at the end--

LAURA: Can't you teleport or something?

SAM: Only once every other turn.

LAURA: Oh god.

SAM: (laughs)

MATT: At the end of your turn, Doom Slayer's going to use another quick shot. It's going to go ahead, and this is now the second blast--

LAURA: What are you at, what are you at?


MATT: -- of the combat shotgun.

LAURA: You're still good, you're still good.

ANJALI: I'm alive.

MATT: That's going to be a--

JASMINE: Do we have any more stimpacks?

MATT: -- 26 to hit.


MATT: All right.

JASMINE: And the power for the facility's almost off. We just have one more...

LAURA: Generator. So you need to overload the generator.

MATT: 19 points of piercing damage. (gunshot blasting) From behind, another blast takes out a chunk of your demon flesh. That brings us now to the Doom Slayer's turn.

ANJALI: I thought that--

MATT: No, that was legendary actions. He gets to do actions on other people's turns because he's a legendary figure.

TALIESIN: (groans)

ANJALI: It's been lovely knowing you all.


SAM: I'm so slow, I'm never going to make it.

MATT: How hurt are you at the moment?

ANJALI: 47 left.

MATT: Okay, that's not too bad. It's going to go ahead and it's going to, as it begins to approach from behind, is going to pull out...

JASMINE: I've been there.

SAM: Yeah, I should go the other way.

JASMINE: Yeah, you should just come back.

MATT: No, it's going to take out a chainsaw. Are you flying up in the air as you're curling and pulling away?

ANJALI: Diagonal.

MATT: Okay, then you would be out of melee for him for now, so I'll say instead of that, he's going to pull out the plasma rifle and take two shots at you. The first one is 20 to hit. Second one is cocked, that's actually really bad, 12.

ANJALI: He did not hit.

MATT: All right, so that's two blasts of the plasma rifle used there. He's going to go ahead and attack you. As the plasma blasts you from behind, you take, ooh, that's not good, 20 points of plasma damage.


MATT: (gun blasting) That's a five, six, and a six on a 3d6.

ANJALI: All right.

MATT: That ends his turn.

ANJALI: Gurgle, gurgle, gurgle, slow, dead.

MATT: Mancubus, you're up.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: You hear blasts, you heard the shotgun explosions from behind, and plasma glow.

ANJALI: Help me, help me!

MATT: Phyllis screaming in pain.

LAURA: (screams)

MATT: What are you doing, Mancubus?

LAURA: I'm going to drop a smoke bomb!

MATT: It has to be a minute before you can use it again.

LAURA: Shit!

ANJALI: We can't see anything if you drop a smoke bomb, right?

LAURA: I'm going to run away. No, you can see through the smoke.

ANJALI: Oh, okay.

MATT: Yeah, just enemies cannot.

LAURA: I don't know what else to do. I'm going to have to keep running.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: No, but, okay, okay, okay. I'm going to help Phyllis as much as I can. I'm going to drop an advanced demon.

MATT: Okay, with that...

SAM: So, do you poop it out?

LAURA: Yeah.


MATT: A feral pink and red colored, dog-humanoid demon emerges from a portal. (growls) Giant open jaw with jagged teeth. Many people know this is Pinky.


LAURA: Help Phyllis!

SAM: Of course we know it's Pinky.

MATT: (growls) And begins to tear through, speed of 30, gets about there, and is going to double dash over to get into contact with the Doom Slayer there, and is now harrying him.

LAURA: I'm going to use my movement to run ♪ after ♪ Kreel.

MATT: (footsteps booming)

SAM and LAURA: ♪ After Kreel. ♪

MATT: You got it. At the end of your turn, Mancubus.

LAURA: Yeah?

MATT: The Doom Slayer's going to use a legendary action to melee repost against Pinky, the demon.

LAURA: Pinky!

MATT: Setting aside the plasma blaster, revs up a chainsaw, and begins to just attempt to tear into the new demon.

LAURA: Oh no!

MATT: Ooh, that's a natural 20.

LAURA: Oh, come on.

MATT: That's a 14 to hit.

LAURA: Oh, no.

MATT: And that's cocked. And a 20 to hit.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay, so the first one is going to be a natural 20. 26 points of slashing damage.

LAURA: He's deadies.

MATT: All right, so. This is a glory kill. You watch as the Doom Slayer reaches forward with the chainsaw, and (buzzing) digs it into the body of the newly arrived demon. As it pulls back, tears it in, steps up and puts one foot on one half, and pushes it apart down the center as it digs the blade down, carving it entirely in two. And with the other foot, stomping on where its brain was, it splatters. It releases a burst of Argent energy, which seems to heal and reinforce the Doom Slayer and refill some of his ammunition.

SAM and TALIESIN: (groan)

SAM: Man!

TALIESIN: (groans)

LAURA: I tried to help you and I made it worse.

ANJALI: I am helpless.

TALIESIN: It's one legendary action down, at least.

MATT: That does help. All right, Reva, you're up, Kreel, you're on deck.

JASMINE: Are these gentlemen doing anything?

MATT: At the moment, they are not.

JASMINE: Good, okay, I'm going to turn around.

MATT: You turn around, and look over your shoulder, and you see your Archvile friend, Ickybod, going--

MATT and SAM: (labored breathing)

JASMINE: And I say: Icky, this way's bad. Besides, I can hear Phyllis screeching from the other room. Maybe we might want to go back. This way has got big armored people.

SAM: But that way's got the Doom Slayer.

JASMINE: (laughs)

LAURA: Just sneak through, sneak through!

JASMINE: Okay, I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to, yeah, I'm going to try to move forward through.

MATT: Okay, so you move your 40 speed.

LAURA: Can you do it sneakily? Sneakily, though.

MATT: Are you trying to stealth it through?

JASMINE: Yeah, I would say I'm floating, probably.

MATT: Okay.


MATT: All right, it's going to be hard to stealth with rocket boosters, I'm just putting it out there.

JASMINE: I don't think, can I afterburn again?

MATT: You can, it's been a round since you did it last time.

JASMINE: Okay, yeah, yeah, I'll afterburn.

SAM: You're just going to speed through?

JASMINE: Yeah, and then no stealth at all. I'm going to afterburn.

MATT: So 40, 40, and puts you there.

LAURA: Badass!

SAM: Okay, you're going to wake them up right when I get there.

MATT: From their standpoint, you won't even have a chance to see if there was any reaction.

JASMINE: Okay, good.

MATT: All right, that finishes your go. At the end of your turn, the Doom Slayer's going to go ahead and...


MATT: Oh, he did also gain, sorry, from that...


MATT: He did gain 10 temporary hit points as part of this.

LAURA: We just got to overload, we got to overload the generators, and we got to kill the doctor, that's all. And then we leave.

MATT: It's going to go ahead and quick shot again, with Pinky gone, it's going to be Phyllis.

TALIESIN: We barely knew you, Pinky.

MATT: Natural one.

ALL: Yay!

MATT: Lucky son of a bitch.

ANJALI: Thank you.

MATT: All right, that brings us to Kreel, Phyllis, you're on deck.

TALIESIN: I'm going to take my action to run straight towards the plasma generator.

MATT: Your action or movement?

TALIESIN: My movement I mean, sorry.

MATT: It's about 40, right?

TALIESIN: That's, the plasma generator's over there, right? Oh, in there. Okay, and then--

MATT: The terminal's right there, so you get right up to the terminal.

TALIESIN: I'm going to pull the lever, I'm going to power it up. I'm going to do the red.

MATT: It's your action to do this. So you actually pull it down, you see all the locks go, (clicking) and all the pieces there, the lights begin to pattern across the front, and you hear the, (humming) the hum begin to rise in intensity slowly.

TALIESIN: I'm going to check that weird little room right in the corner with my bonus action.

MATT: Right here?


MATT: Okay, you dart over to that space, you glance inside. First off, in this chamber, as you look around as you move through, you can see, the room is filled with small metal crates all across the space that have symbols on the side of a flame. You rush and look into the other chamber, it is filled with it. There is just, it's like floor to ceiling storage for flammable materials used for munitions creation and other things in the department. You also hear a sound of metal feet running. (footsteps thudding)

SAM: It's our guy.

MATT: As you run through, Dr. Hayden runs from a secret doorway in the center of the generator and heads-- let's see, full movement here on Hayden's turn.

SAM and LAURA: Mancubus!

MATT: That would be 30 feet, so he can move there. As you rush in, you can see that, as Hayden stops for a moment, glancing and looks in your direction, and then back over at Mancubus around the corner.

DARIN (V.O.): "You've done well, but the work continues. The work has to continue. You don't understand the importance. You're too primitive."

MATT: With that, you watch as Hayden extends a hand. What looks to be a small reddish, ruby, bone-type rod suddenly flashes and a massive, semi-translucent greatsword-like blade of reddish tint, runes across the side, emerges, nearly the size of him. It now brings us to...

TALIESIN: Wait, I have my demon as well.

MATT: That's right, your demon gets to go.

TALIESIN: It's going to move to get in the way of everything that's happening.

LAURA: Should've saved my demon for the doctor.

MATT: They can move in to try and make attacks on the--

TALIESIN: I'm going to move in to try and make attacks.

MATT: Go for it, so make two attacks with your Hell Knight.

JASMINE: I understand, that blade is intimidating.

TALIESIN: Two attacks, that's...

JASMINE: It's the size of it.

SAM: You're big, you're huge.

TALIESIN: 20 to hit.

MATT: Hits.

TALIESIN: And a natural one.

MATT: The one misses, but you do have one attack that did hit.

TALIESIN: Okay, that's 10 points of damage.

MATT: 10, you just manage to knock away the additional armor that he had received from the glory kill.


MATT: All right, and that demon is in the way. All right, end of your turn, he's going to use his last legendary action to make a melee repost against the demon that just arrived.

TALIESIN: That's fine.

MATT: That'll be a natural one.

SAM: Hey!

TALIESIN: (barks)

MATT: It misses your Hell Knight. Okay, that's all of his legendary actions. Phyllis, you're up.

ANJALI: Set up my soul shield. It's a soul music shield.

MATT: Go ahead and roll your additional temporary hit points.

ANJALI: ♪ Keep doing it ♪

LAURA: Ooh, she's hard to kill. You're hard to kill, Phyllis.

ANJALI: 14 and...

SAM: (techno music)

ANJALI: Four, 18 and eight is 26. And I continue to fly slowly away. Up and away.

MATT: That's about as far as you get.

ANJALI: Phyllis is just like, she's just...

MATT: You're the least, your the worst individual to be toeing this line here, unfortunately.

ANJALI: ♪ Regrets, I've had a few! ♪

MATT: All right, that finish Phyllis' turn. Ickybod, you're up.

SAM: Oh, Reva! (laughter) I will walk my 20 feet.

LAURA: Maybe you can just destroy the room.

SAM: I'll dash my other 20 feet.

ANJALI: This feels like a bad idea.

SAM: And then I'll teleport 15 feet.

MATT: Okay, as you come around that corner, you can see the mechs across the way. (power humming)

ANJALI: No, no, no, no, no.

LAURA: Oh no!

SAM: Ooh, boy.

MATT: And seem to be turning in the direction of the other entranceway, having noticed something suddenly rocket through at lightning speed in the chamber.

JASMINE: I bought you some time.

MATT: They haven't noticed you yet.

SAM: Then I won't teleport in, I guess. I'll just wait, if they haven't noticed me, right?

MATT: You got it, they have not noticed you.

SAM: Okay, I'll just wait.

MATT: Okay, that finishes your go. Doom Slayer takes his turn. Legendary actions are back. With the ammunition back up, ooh, you're just out of range for the chain gun with the movement you just did there, I think. And being at the elements there, it's going to take two ballista shots at the Hell Knight in front. So you watch as putting the chainsaw away, pulls out this thing that looks like a strange mix between an arcane, magical device and a futuristic alien crossbow. As he lifts it up, energy in the center of it begins to pull back and then launch like a rail gun. Makes this high pitch sound with each fire, two shots at the Hell Knight. The first one is a 13 to hit.


MATT: And a 23 to hit.

SAM: That hits.

MATT: All right. So the first one goes wide, the Hell Knight like (growls) dodges out of the way and smacks it out of the side. The other one does impact in the chest and deals-- ooh! 27 points of plasma damage.


TALIESIN: (splattering) Just a smear.

MATT: All right, it is not a glory kill, unfortunately, because it was not a melee attack, and does use one of the ballista pieces of ammunition, but does kill the Hell Knight, and uses his turn. All right.

LAURA: That's good, that's good.

SAM: That's great, you guys are doing great.

MATT: Mancubus, you're up.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Reva, you're on deck.

LAURA: I'm going to walk forward and turn the corner, and see, oh no, I'm right over there.

MATT: Oh, sorry, yeah. You turn the corner and just see there, blade in hand, Dr. Samuel Hayden.

LAURA: Ah! Okay, so do I see-- what do I see around him?

MATT: Right now, standing in the doorway, and then behind it, you can see a couple of crates scattered. Just roll a perception check for me.

LAURA: 21.

MATT: 21? You do see that on some of these crates, just beyond, they have a flame symbol on them.

LAURA: How far away am I?

MATT: You're about 15 feet from Dr. Samuel Hayden.


SAM: Metal.

LAURA: I'm going to shoot behind the doctor.

SAM: Yes!

LAURA: And try to explode the crates behind him.

MATT: Go for it, roll an attack.

LAURA: 19.

MATT: Go ahead and roll damage.

LAURA: Do I roll just regular damage to the crates?

MATT: Yep.

LAURA: Seven damage to the crates.

MATT: Seven points fire damage? As you aim your heavy cannon upward, it fires, and you watch Dr. Hayden duck out of the way, the head watching it pass over the shoulder and impact one of the crates behind. (explosion crashing) The entire room detonates. Samuel Hayden is going to go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw and fails.

SAM: Please, Matthew, Dr. Samuel Hayden. He didn't go to fake medical school for you to--

MATT: You're right, Sam, you're right. Does take 26 points of fire damage, but is fire resistant because he's made of metal, but still 13 points of fire damage and is blown forward and knocked prone at your feet.

ANJALI: Oh, oh, that's good.

LAURA: I rolled again because it was supposed to be at disadvantage, but the other one was higher than the previous one so...

MATT: You got it, okay.

LAURA: So then I use my second attack.

MATT: Point blank, just, (cannon blasting) go for it.

SAM: Mancubus!

LAURA: At disadvantage.

TALIESIN: Is it advantage now because he's prone?

MATT: Yeah, so it'd be just a single roll.

LAURA: Sweet, 19.

MATT: 19, that hits.

LAURA: (grunts) Five damage.

MATT: Five damage? (cannon blasting) Blasts, impacts, but the metallic cyborg body of Dr. Samuel Hayden is quite resilient.

LAURA: But he's prone.

MATT: He's prone.

All right.

SAM: Is he a dentist?

TALIESIN: (laughs)

SAM: What kind of doctor is he?

MATT: You have no idea.

ANJALI: He's a PhD.

SAM: I want to know. Next time the mask comes up, I want this to happen.

MATT: Reva, you're up.

JASMINE: Doot doot, time to scoot. Oh, I didn't do it. (kazoo dooting) There we go.


MATT: (claps)

LAURA: Oh no!

JASMINE: I'm going to summon some of my friends. They're big fans of mine, and I'm going to say: Hey boys, I need you to go make a little distraction so Ickybod can get through. Go play with the mechs. And I'm going to summon lesser demons, like a bunch of them.

MATT: Okay, you got it. Go ahead and roll a d4 for me.

JASMINE: Is this also disadvantage? I'm assuming it is.

MATT: No, this would not be. This is just a--

JASMINE: Four, four, four!

MATT: All right.

JASMINE: So I get six.

SAM: Five lesser demons?

JASMINE: Six! Six lesser demons.

SAM: Wow.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: Whoa!

MATT: And with that, five zombies and a carcass apparate behind you in the middle of this hallway, filling it. You see a bunch of these skeletal zombies with elements of metallic accoutrement and cyborg elements affixed to their rotting body, and one that has, where its legs would be, these three spider-like limbs and a large, cannon-like arm as they skitter and look towards you, then look in the opposite direction towards the hangar, and begin to hobble out in that direction.

JASMINE: Go, go, go do mama's bidding.

MATT: All righty, that's going to clutter up that space for a bit there. Good on you. So that's your action.

JASMINE: Hopefully that'll buy you a little bit of time.

SAM: Yeah, sure, that's great.

MATT: You still have your movement.

JASMINE: I'm going to continue to move forward.

MATT: All righty.

JASMINE: Zoom zoom!

MATT: There you go, darting towards the center meeting place there. That finishes your turn, Reva. It's now Dr. Samuel Hayden's turn. As the doctor slowly stands up, facing off with Mancubus in the hallway.

LAURA: Oh no.

MATT: Holding the crucible blade in hand.

LAURA: Oh no.

DARIN (V.O.): "Tell me your name, I want to know your name before you die."

LAURA: (yelling) Mancubus!

DARIN (V.O.): "Goodbye, Mancubus."

MATT: And is going to attack twice with--

SAM: Also, don't forget to floss.


MATT: Oh shit, okay, a 23 and a 20 to hit.

ANJALI and LAURA: (groan) Mancubus.

MATT: This blade, as it carves through your body, the runes glow and it seems to inflict a pain you've not felt, especially one that is generally pretty resistant to the nicks and scratches of the earthly realm, but this is no earthly weapon.

LAURA: Oh d'no.

MATT: You take 18 points of slashing damage on the first strike, and 17 points of slashing damage on the second one. (slashing)

LAURA: (grunts)

SAM: Mm-hmm.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MATT: You're too big to get past. Samuel Hayden is facing off with you in the middle of the hallway. As a note, and I should have remembered this, go ahead and roll a dexterity saving throw for me, because you were in the exploding room.


MATT: 12, that's a failure.


MATT: You take 12 points of fire damage, reduced to six because you're resistant.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

MATT: But you are prone from the explosion throwing you against the back wall.

LAURA: Make sure I did my math right on that.

MATT: All right, that finishes Samuel Hayden's turn. Brings us to Kreel, Phyllis, you're on deck. What you got, buddy? Actually, at the end of Samuel Hayden's turn, Doom Slayer's going to use a legendary action to make...

ANJALI: Am I on the corner? I'm around the corner.

MATT: You're out of range for the combat shotgun, so it's going to use the plasma rifle. Are you fucking serious?!


MATT: Sorry, no cursing. Natural one, second in a row.


ANJALI: Suck it! She's mad.


ANJALI: I will die with glory!

MATT: (laughs) Okay, now it's Kreel's turn.

TALIESIN: I'm going to get up.

MATT: That's half your movement, so that's 20 feet there.

TALIESIN: I'm going to...

MATT: The room is now burning, by the way, and at the beginning of the turn, you do take 11 points of fire damage. Actually, as a marker, here, we'll say that this chamber is just on fire as a marker. So you take four points of fire damage. It was nine originally, reduced to four. The entire room is in flames now. And so, you take damage at the top of your turn. Now you get up, you have 20 feet of movement left, what are you doing?

TALIESIN: I'm going to start moving towards the door.

MATT: Okay, 20 more feet, that'll get you about there.

TALIESIN: Okay, I'm going to use my action to use a stimpack.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: On...


SAM: Okay. On Dr. Hayden.

TALIESIN: I'm going to die otherwise, so this brings me up a bit. And then I'm going to use my bonus action to get as far, there's not a lot of, there's not really a way to get entirely out of the room, is there?

MATT: No, it's currently blocked, you're stuck in there.

TALIESIN: Okay, well at the very least, I'm going to get on the other side and create a, so that there's a flanking situation.

MATT: You got it, okay, good on you. That finishes your turn. At the end of your turn, Doom Slayer's going to take another legendary action to go ahead and fire another plasma rifle shot at Phyllis. There we go, that's an 18 to hit.

ANJALI: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Okay. Plasma rifle will deal to you, 15 points of plasma damage to you from behind. You watch these extremely fast careening balls of plasma that come firing out and blast you in the side, just as you're turning the corner, about to make your way out into the hallway. It catches you in the back. That's going to be the end of that turn. It's your turn, Phyllis.

ANJALI: If I dash, how far can I--

MATT: You move twice your movement, so it puts you at 50 feet.

ANJALI: Well, I don't know how far that, relative to--

MATT: That would put you into this chamber, probably about there, about there, actually.

ANJALI: They don't stack.

TALIESIN: Yeah, they don't stack.

ANJALI: They don't stack, so I could do it on, it would start over.


MATT: What you doing?


MATT: All right.

ANJALI: Run away!

MATT: Just cruise up in that direction.

ANJALI: As I see Reva: Reva, help!

JASMINE: I'm coming, darling.

MATT: All right.

JASMINE: I don't know why I'm doing spirit fingers.

ANJALI: I've been doing them the whole time.

SAM: Those are Liza Minnelli hands.

MATT: Ending your turn, the final legendary action for the Doom Slayer, he's going to use slayer dash.

SAM: Slayer dash.


MATT: Dash forward, just 20 feet there. Now it brings us to Ickybod's turn.

SAM: Did they ever go?

MATT: Oh yeah, if you want to push them into there, they are now getting engaged with them, and they have no idea you're there. They are distracted by the horde of zombies and the carcass that are out there. And it is just now a firefight, and chunks of bone and ammunition are flying out in that side of the chamber.

SAM: I will move as far as I can, which is, like, 40 feet.

MATT: Into it?

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: 40 feet'll get you about there.

SAM: Yeah, I mean, I can't move very fast at all.

MATT: You can dash.

LAURA: How far can you run for it?

SAM: No, so it's 20 feet of movement.

MATT: All right, so 40 feet, that's as you can, actually, it'll probably get you about there.

SAM: Okay, 15 more feet, teleporting. Can I teleport just--

MATT: You will teleport into the middle of the fray.

ANJALI: (groans)

MATT: Which is a risk, but you can take it. It's up to you.

SAM: I'm taking it.

MATT: All right. You are now surrounded by the screaming zombies being bashed and crushed by these two giant mechs, and a third mech on the opposite side is now coming online.

LAURA: Oh jeez.

MATT: It's not there yet. There are other soldiers that are rushing to get weapons. All right, that finishes your turn. Top of the round, the lights are flickering and brightening throughout the entire facility. You've noticed the soldiers in the fight going, they're confused by it.

SAM: Be confused, yes.

MATT: All right, that brings us to the Doom Slayer's turn. Doom Slayer gets his legendary actions back.


SAM: SKreelex is killing it tonight.

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: He's right over there.

MATT: 30 feet, there.

LAURA: Oh god.

MATT: He's going to go ahead and...

LAURA: Can he see, oh no, no, no.

MATT: 40 feet up this way.

LAURA: (gasps)

JASMINE: (grunts)

MATT: That's his movement.

LAURA: Oh god, we're going to be surrounded.

MATT: And his action. That's his turn.

SAM: Oh.

MATT: He just, that was his movement and his action to get caught up. You guys manage to dart and keep him held up enough where he had to spend a whole turn just rushing forward.

SAM: These tunnels.

MATT: All righty. Mancubus, you're up.

LAURA: Don't really have much of an option here. I'm going to hold up my cannons and go (cannon blasting) on either side of him.

MATT: Okay, point blank on both sides of Dr. Samuel Hayden. All right, roll for attack.

LAURA: Disadvantage on each?

MATT: Correct. Well no, because you are flanking.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: So, straight rolls.

LAURA: Straight rolls. (groans) 15?

MATT: Misses.

SAM: (groans)

LAURA: Then the other one misses, too. I don't know how I miss when I'm right there.

MATT: You go and face both sides, and as you pull, Dr. Samuel Hayden just ducks out of the way, and both blasts hit in the middle and explode. It sears your face a bit, and you're like (groans) momentarily blinded. As he stands back up in space to taunt you.

DARIN (V.O.): "I will not fall; I am the savior of mankind."

LAURA: (groans)

MATT: All right, is that your turn?

LAURA: I'm going to use, oh no, that's an action.

SAM: Movement?

LAURA: I can't, infernal leap, that's an action or is that movement?

MATT: Infernal leap is part of your movement.

LAURA: Oh, okay, I'm going to use-- if he hits me, I'm dead. That's okay! I'm going to use my infernal leap to leap 10 feet away from him and then run.

MATT: Okay, you leap back into the hallway. He's going to take a swing in the air towards you with the Crucible as an attack of opportunity. That is, he rolled low, 13 to hit?

LAURA: He doesn't hit me!

MATT: Oh my god, okay, goes to swing wide and just misses by inches.

LAURA: I suck in my belly.


MATT: You land backward, and you said you were going to use the rest of your movement to go in?

LAURA: Yeah, just run away.

MATT: Okay, you rush into the chamber. You come in to see the Doom Slayer step out of the chamber and turn right towards you.

LAURA: (screams)

MATT: (laughs) All right, that finishes your turn, Mancubus, Reva, you're up.

JASMINE: Okay, I see what's happening; I don't like it at all. Do I still have my little thingy?

MATT: The-- yes, you do.

JASMINE: I'm going to see if I can activate it and throw it at them.

MATT: Is this the box one or the spherical one?

JASMINE: I have the sphere.

MATT: All right, so you go ahead and throw that?

JASMINE: Mm-hmm.

SAM: Yeah, maybe it'll freeze them.


LAURA: Maybe, yeah.

MATT: Okay. So you go ahead and you chuck it.

ANJALI: If it's the same thing that I have, did I tell them what it is?

MATT: He has to make a dexterity saving throw.

LAURA: Maybe it'll stick him.

MATT: No, that's a fail. But he uses his legendary resistance to succeed. (groaning) So you throw the grenade, and it just dodges out of the way. It doesn't go off, but it bounces and hits the ground, no effect.

JASMINE: Okay, (stammers) Well, that was awkward. I run to the comm center.

MATT: All right, you dart around. You can move through your friends and that gets you--

LAURA: As you slow motion run, I'm looking, scream at the Doom Slayer.

JASMINE: I turn to Phyllis and Mancubus, and I say: Sorry, performance anxiety.

MATT: You're just getting into the door of the comm center right now.

JASMINE: Fangirling a little bit.

MATT: All right, at the end of your turn, the Doom Slayer's going to go ahead and spend a legendary action--

LAURA: To kill me.

MATT: -- to quick shot you.

LAURA: Yeah.


LAURA: But look, Phyllis, you can get out. Save yourself, Phyllis!

MATT: No, actually, no, it's not going to quick shot. It's going to spend a legendary action to slayer dash.

SAM: Slayer dash?

MATT: Which means he moves 20 feet directly into the room, and is now up against you. You guys are base to base with each other right now. That ends its turn. It is now Samuel Hayden's turn.

LAURA: Oh, he's flanking me!

MATT: He's going to go ahead and--

TALIESIN: I'm going to take an attack of opportunity. Is that at disadvantage?

MATT: Yes, all of them.


MATT: Sorry, man. You didn't stop the hammer.

TALIESIN: Hey, that's a 16.

MATT: 16 misses. (groaning) Barely, barely! He's made of metal, man. It hits, but it strikes off the back, the metal screening off of it, sparks flying.

TALIESIN: Come on.

MATT: Runs around to the back of Mancubus, who's blocking the doorway.

LAURA and SAM: Are we the bad guys?

MATT: (laughs) It's going to make two attacks with the Crucible against you.


MATT: You hear the voice come up from behind as the blade rolls up to one side.

DARIN (V.O.): "I've already forgotten your name."

LAURA: Oh, it's Mancubus.


MATT: 21 to hit.

LAURA: Yeah, that hits.

MATT: Okay, you take...

SAM: I don't take your insurance.

MATT: 22 points of slashing damage.

LAURA: I'm unconscious.

MATT: Mancubus plummets to the ground.

ANJALI: Mancubus!

MATT: Inside the chamber.

LAURA: Can I at least fall backwards onto the doctor?

MATT: Roll a d20 for me. On 11 or higher, sure.

LAURA: No! (laughter)

MATT: You slump forward on the ground. He's going to make a second strike on your unconscious body with the Crucible.


MATT: Which has advantage, because you're on the ground. That is an 18 to hit.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: You immediately lose two death saving throws.

SAM: Two death saves!

MATT: From a critical hit. The Crucible blade just carving into the back of your demon flesh, it burning into ash as it passes through your unconscious body.

SAM: But wait, because we're demons, do death saves help us, because we're demons?

MATT: That's not how it works, sorry.

JASMINE: It was worth a shot.

MATT: It was, it was.

TALIESIN: Brave, yeah.

MATT: All right, it is the end of Samuel Hayden's turn.

SAM: Dr. Samuel Hayden.

MATT: The Doom Slayer's going to take a shotgun shot, a quick shot against Phyllis.

SAM: Oh boy, we're all going to die.

LAURA: We're all going to die!

MATT: That's going to be...

ANJALI: But were overriding the thing. The thing is getting overridden.

MATT: 14 to hit.


MATT: Okay, you take... Nine, plus three, 12 points of piercing damage.



MATT: From the shotgun blast. Now it is Kreel's turn. Phyllis, you're on deck.

LAURA: Just try to kill the doctor.

SAM: Come on, Kreel.

TALIESIN: I'm going to step out of the fire.

MATT: Okay, you do take, at the top of the round, oh, two points of fire damage.

TALIESIN: Reduced?

SAM: Yeah, to one.

TALIESIN: All right.

MATT: So I'd say, with your full movement of 40, that gets you right up to the back of Dr. Hayden.

TALIESIN: I would not-- yeah, sure, I'll take that, but before I do that, I'm going to release my wolf again at Dr. Hayden.

MATT: Okay, so you use your action to summon up the wolf and toss it downward. The wolf, (howls) charges around, flames careening off of its body as it curves around the corner and pushes its way towards Samuel Hayden. That means he has to make a dexterity saving throw?

TALIESIN: No, it just, when it reaches your target, it explodes and the target just takes.

MATT: Oh, that's right, yeah, so go ahead and roll damage.

TALIESIN: Nine points of fire damage.

MATT: Nine points of damage reduced to four because he's resistant to fire.

TALIESIN: Okay, yeah, that's right. That's something.

LAURA: That's unfortunate, because that's all that we have.


ANJALI: Is fire damage?

TALIESIN: Pretty much.

MATT: There's some variations.

LAURA: Oh, okay.

LAURA: Yeah, okay, that's...

JASMINE: Wait, no, I'm fire, too.

TALIESIN: Actually, do I have any more movement, or it's just too crowded to move in there.

MATT: Well, right now, yeah, he's blocking your way out of there.


MATT: Actually, it's not, the hallway's wide enough and the door's wide enough, it's about 10-foot, so you could get past him, but you will take an attack of opportunity.

TALIESIN: No, he already used his reaction.

MATT: That's right.

TALIESIN: He did. I'm going to try and see how far, and then I'm going to use my bonus to run. I'm going to see if I can get--

MATT: No, but he just got his turn before you.

TALIESIN: Oh, never mind then, okay, all right.

LAURA: Can you kill him, can you swipe him?

TALIESIN: I can't, I'm done. I'm just going to hold here because at least this way he'll be distracted.

MATT: You got it. All right. End of your turn, Doom Slayer's going to use his last legendary action to quick shot you again, Phyllis.

SAM: How you hanging in?

MATT: It's going to be 18 to hit.

ANJALI: Got it, yeah, he hit me.

MATT: You take five points of piercing damage, double ones on the damage.

SAM: Yes.


TALIESIN: You are proving to be much harder to kill than anybody else.

MATT: Survival, it's what they're about. All right, that finishes his turn. Phyllis, you're up.

ANJALI: So, I'm going to get my soul shield back up.

SAM: ♪ Michael McDonald! ♪

LAURA: (laughs)

ANJALI: And let's find out how much that is. Where's the other...

TALIESIN: Do you need some d8s?

ANJALI: No, it's fine, I'll just use this one. Eight.


ANJALI: Eight.


ANJALI: That's a two, 18 plus eight is 26.

MATT: Nice.

SAM: Dang.

ANJALI: And I am going to duck around, as far as I can, around the corner.

MATT: You got 20 feet, 25?

ANJALI: Yeah, as far as I can, and maybe, yeah, towards the TP relay.

MATT: Okay, finishing your turn.

SAM: Are we bamfing out of here, what's happening?

MATT: Ickybod, your turn.

LAURA: We got to kill the doctor.

ANJALI: I know, I know, I know. I just don't know where else to go.

MATT: Ickybod.

SAM: Oh, my turn?

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: Oh, did they go? The mechs?

MATT: Oh, the mechs, actually, that's a valid point. They do not, I rolled a four on perception. They are not interested in you at the moment, they are currently fighting the rest of them, so none of their attacks come against you. It is your turn.

ANJALI: Keep going, dude!

SAM: Okay, I'll run 20 feet, and then... I mean, I can't teleport. I guess those demons are going to hold them off for a while, right?

MATT: We'll find out.

SAM: So I'm going to throw an advanced demon ahead of me.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Right? Because I can't do anything else; everything else is 30 foot range.

MATT: Another Hell Knight appears in front of you in the hallway.

SAM: And I'll just say: Go, go and kill the doctor.

ANJALI: The dentist.

MATT: 30, it gets you about there.

SAM: 'Kay, that's it.

MATT: All right, you're not going to teleport? Oh, you teleported last turn.

SAM: I just teleported last turn.

LAURA: This is such chaos.

MATT: Okay, you got it. Top of the round, the lights are getting brighter and brighter, and you can notice that the actual temperature within the entire base is beginning to slowly rise.


JASMINE: I believe our plan might have been--

TALIESIN: We just did something right!

JASMINE: -- somewhat successful.

TALIESIN: We done something right!

MATT: It's the Doom Slayer's turn. The Doom Slayer is going to step into this area.

LAURA: Oh no.

MATT: And seeing you, immediately inside of the chamber, pulls out a chainsaw. (chainsaw buzzing) And is going to lay into you, Reva.

JASMINE: This has happened in my dreams. (laughter) Nightmares, dreams, I don't know.

MATT: That is going to be a 22 to hit.

JASMINE: That hits.

MATT: Cocked. A 15 to hit.


MATT: And a 24 to hit.

JASMINE: That's a hit.

MATT: All right, so you dodge one of them, but one, the first strike, the blade comes and grinds into your back shoulder. You pull down as the second one tries to come by, and you burst out of the way, your afterburners pull you just out of the swipe range. However, he dashes inward, and before you can even recover, the blade comes up once more and digs into your torso and up past your clavicle, sending all sorts of demon gore splattering around. You take, from the first strike...

SAM: You okay?


MATT: 10 points of slashing damage.


MATT: And then, 13 points of slashing damage.

JASMINE: Okay, yeah.

MATT: And he gets his legendary actions back.

SAM: We're all down to it, we're all on fumes, except for--

MATT: Mancubus, roll a death saving throw for me.

SAM: Oh no, Mancubus.

LAURA: It's about to be bad, you guys. Failed.

MATT: Mancubus expires as Samuel Hayden takes the Crucible blade, and spins it, and thrusts it into the demon form, burning around the wound. Eventually, the flesh begins to burn away into ash as Hayden pulls back the Crucible, looking down upon the ruin of his smited foe.

DARIN (V.O.): "You're just meat, worthless meat."

ANJALI and SAM: (groan)

MATT: Reva, you're up.

LAURA: I'll be reborn, it's okay.

JASMINE: I can't exactly tour him, do I still have, I have line of sight on Mancubus, does that mean I have line of sight on Hayden?

MATT: You would have, I'll say you do. He does have somewhat cover, so it might be a bonus to his armor class, but up to you.

JASMINE: Okay. I'll die by the hands of the Doom Slayer if it means that our mission is complete. Mancubus was more than meat, he was the heart of the party. And I rocket barrage, because I believe it's off cool down.

MATT: Yeah, yeah it is.

JASMINE: At Hayden, so I get six shots, but I don't know if any of them are going to hit.

ANJALI: Come on, you got it, you got this!

LAURA: Natural 20s.

TALIESIN: Also, is he still engaged, technically?

JASMINE: Yes, at Hayden.

TALIESIN: Hayden's engaged?

LAURA: Oh yeah, so they're not at disadvantage.

MATT: Well no, engaged doesn't mean anything, so they are at disadvantage.

JASMINE: They are at disadvantage? Oh my gosh, I have to roll a lot. Okay, so, ooh, a 24.

MATT: That hits.


SAM: That's a good roll.

JASMINE: That was a good roll. Wait, no, it was 23.

MATT: Still hits.

JASMINE: Okay. So that one hit, that's not going to hit, a nine.




JASMINE: I just know that didn't hit. And then, oh yeah, so another, my rolls, 10.

MATT: No, sorry.

LAURA: Disadvantage, man.

JASMINE: Yeah, disadvantage got me again. So, I believe that's all six?

MATT: That's all six. You got one hit!

JASMINE: I got one hit.

SAM: One hit out of six.

JASMINE: Disadvantage really got me on that.

MATT: Yeah.

JASMINE: Oh my god, I rolled a one on my, six fire damage.

MATT: All right, which is three fire damage on Dr. Samuel Hayden.

JASMINE: The disadvantage is brutal.

MATT: I know, you guys were so close to stopping the hammer in time, and then that last grain went through, I'm so sorry. All right, that finishes your go, Reva. It is now Samuel Hayden's turn.

JASMINE: My grief, my tears hurt my aim.

MATT: Samuel Hayden is going to dart through.

TALIESIN: I get an attack of opportunity.

MATT: You do. And is going to come in through, base to base with the two of you in that area. So go ahead and make your attack.


MATT: 15 misses.

LAURA: Oh my god.

MATT: Darts past, gets in the center there. Because you're flying, you're not blocking him. He's going to go ahead and dash.

SAM: Oh no, is he escaping?

LAURA: He's trying to get away.

MATT: That brings us to...

LAURA: If we had just done the teleporter. Shut down the teleporter!

ANJALI: Yeah, I got to figure out how I'm going to do it.

MATT: All right, that brings us to Kreel's turn. Phyllis, you're on deck.

TALIESIN: I'm going to take my 40 movement to follow him.

MATT: Okay.

ANJALI: I'm floating, so I can't block you.

MATT: That gets you right behind the Doom Slayer. So you cannot.

ANJALI: That's it?

MATT: Which means you can move past him, but you will get an attack of opportunity from him.

TALIESIN: That's okay, I'm taking that attack of opportunity.

MATT: Okay, so 40 feet will get you partially in the chamber there. He swings at you with the chainsaw. Natural one, you're a lucky son of a bitch.

TALIESIN: I'll take my bonus action, move another 40.

MATT: That gets you between Phyllis and the good doctor.

TALIESIN: I'm going to take my action to move another 40.

SAM: Oh, okay.

ANJALI: Block the, block the teleporter.

MATT: That gets you right up to the relay where the actual teleporter station is. The doctor does get an attack of opportunity on you.


MATT: Natural 20.

SAM: Oh no.

MATT: Let's see how this goes, where's another d12? There we go.


MATT: You are a lucky son of a bitch.


MATT: You-- mm! Let's see how it is. All right, 2d12 damage, and I rolled a one and a four. So that's five to 10, so you still take 16 points of slashing damage.


MATT: I can't-- on a crit!

TALIESIN: Happens, man, I'm still standing.

SAM: ♪ I'm still standing ♪

ANJALI: Somehow a soul is coming out my mouth.

MATT: So that finishes your turn?

TALIESIN: That finishes my turn.

MATT: Okay.

ANJALI: Oh, I can't decide which of these two to use.

MATT: At the end of your turn, the Doom Slayer is going to go ahead and take, it's going to melee riposte you with the chainsaw. That's going to be, that's a natural 19.

JASMINE: Yeah, that hits.

MATT: All right, you take--

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: -- 14 points of slashing damage.

JASMINE: Okay, I'm still up. Barely.

SAM: Oh boy.

MATT: Okay, Phyllis, you're up.

SAM: I should stop in the medical bay on my way down the hall.

ANJALI: So, I move...

SAM: I'm never going to get down this hall.

ANJALI: Is it possible for me to get in front of the doctor, between him and Kreel?

MATT: You are flying, so yeah.

ANJALI: Okay, so that's my movement.

MATT: Okay, so you'll get just here above and slightly ahead of, you're not blocking him.

ANJALI: I'm going to spin around, and I am going to project all of my musicians, and dead people, and all of you, take it, take them all, take the pain!

MATT: Perfect, so you're firing your entire soul shield as a projectile.

ANJALI: Soul shield projectile.

MATT: Okay, so you lose your temporary hit points.

SAM: Debby Boone.

LAURA: Oh cool.

MATT: Dexterity saving throw of DC 16.

ANJALI: Fail, fail, fail, fail!

MATT: Yeah, that's a five.

ANJALI: (cackles) He takes 26 necrotic damage.

LAURA: Oh, good!

MATT: As soul shield vanishes forward, it slams into the back of Samuel Hayden. You watch as the necrotic energy seeps into all parts of the body, and he tumbles to one knee. The whole mechanical elements of the body shaking with the impact as the dark energy fades and slips inside. The head glances up, just towards where you are, angry.

DARIN (V.O.): "You're my new favorite."

ANJALI: Come and get me!


MATT: (laughs) All righty, finishing Phyllis's turn, end of the turn, Doom Slayer's going to take another legendary action to take another melee attack at you. That is a, that's a four plus nine, that is a 13.

JASMINE: Does not hit.


MATT: Okay, okay.

JASMINE: I'm bobbin', I'm weavin', I'm dancin', I'm dancin'.

MATT: Ickybod.

SAM: Ickybod!

LAURA: Ickybod!

ANJALI: Come on, Icky!

SAM: Well, on my turn, the demon will move as far as he can, to try and catch up with the doctor.

MATT: You got it.

SAM: With the doctor.

MATT: The doctor? Oh, the doctor's way over here.

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: He can't get, I mean, he can try to move through, the Doom Slayer already used his reaction, so he can't strike. So, we'll get, we'll say, full movement at 30 feet. Sure, we'll say he manages to get up to the doctor, but that takes everything he has on his turn.

SAM: Sure, and then I will use all my movement to run down this long hallway.

MATT: 20.

SAM: And then another 20.

MATT: 20.

SAM: And then a 15 teleport. I'm getting there, guys!

ANJALI: You got it, we just got to get the doctor.

SAM: Mancubus, I'm coming for you!


LAURA: (laughs)

TALIESIN: Too soon.

SAM: Give me another minute and a half!

MATT: End of the turn, Doom Slayer's going to take his third legendary action to attempt, he's going to attempt another melee riposte with the chainsaw against you. You are on the cusp. 15, does that hit?

JASMINE: Nope, nope.

SAM: Whoa!

JASMINE: My armor class is 18.

MATT: You are a lucky son of a bitch. Okay, all right, okay, so that brings us to the top of the round. Sparks start (crackling) shooting out of the various light arrangements at the top of the different hallways and chambers. You can now hear, though you are not near any of the Argent generators, you can now hear the, (humming) the heavy vibration is now shaking the entire facility. And now it's the Doom Slayer's turn.

JASMINE: How long are we going to tango like this?

ANJALI: (laughs)

SAM: Buy a girl a drink, will ya?

MATT: As you smile and give your skull-faced wink,

JASMINE: It's just all teeth.

MATT: Yep, all teeth. That's going to be a 21 to hit.

JASMINE: Yeah, okay, that's fair.

MATT: That is going to be 16 points of slashing damage.

JASMINE: Oh, I'm gone. As it hits me, I'm just like: Honestly, this is how I always wanted to go, it's a really big honor.

ANJALI: "It's a really big honor."

SAM: Love your work.

JASMINE: I learned all about you, it was inscribed on tablets when I was growing up. (groans)

MATT: You fall onto the ground, you're not dead, but you're unconscious.


MATT: The second attack with the chainsaw comes down with advantage. That's cocked, yeah, that'll hit. That's an auto-crit. You lose two death saving throws as the Doom Slayer steps onto your chest, and with the chainsaw, digs it through your torso, the bones of the ribcage splintering as cords are snapping and liquid and fuel are starting to jettison out of the exposed ends, as it makes its third attack against you on the ground. You are so lucky.

TALIESIN: (screams)

JASMINE: Maybe he has a soft spot for me.

MATT: Maybe, a natural three and a natural one, which with your AC, even on the ground, the blade of the chainsaw comes down and it hits part of the metal and scrapes, sparks go flying, does not seem to pierce through and end your demonic existence... yet. Doom Slayer is going to move into the chamber, stepping over your body.

SAM: Oh no!

MATT: And move over towards the one, the Hell Knight. Now, Reva, make a death saving throw for me, please.

LAURA: You can do it!

TALIESIN: I believe in you.

JASMINE: I failed. (laughter)

MATT: As you lie there on the ground, the fuel that's been spraying, an element of it catches a bit of a spark from the lights, and suddenly (booming) your entire body explodes, the rocket boosters that are affixed to your torso detonating as the fuel catches fire and you are ash.

JASMINE: One would argue that if it was an explosion, maybe the Doom Slayer would have to make a dex save, I'm just saying.

MATT: I'll allow it, I'll allow it. He fails, and then uses a legendary action to succeed.


JASMINE: But I used up a legendary action.

TALIESIN: Yeah, yeah you did.

JASMINE: I went out with a blast, a blaze of glory.

MATT: You did, very much so. He took five points of fire damage.

LAURA: ♪ A blaze of glory! ♪ Do we have that, do you have that soul?

SAM: Whose was, who were they?

ANJALI: Oh, yes. ♪ I wake ♪

SAM: Oh, that's the soul of Bon Jovi, yeah.

MATT: It's Samuel Hayden's turn.

SAM: ♪ Dead or alive ♪

MATT: He's going to move underneath you and push past you to get onto the teleportation relay.

LAURA: No! Do you both get swipes at him?

TALIESIN: Yeah, attacks of opportunity.

MATT: From you, you're flying above.

ANJALI: Does that not count? Okay.

MATT: You do not get an attack of opportunity, but you do. So make your strike.



TALIESIN: That's a 25 to hit.

MATT: That hits.

SAM: Jeez Louise.

TALIESIN: I'm going to use my axe.

ANJALI: Yeah, you are.

TALIESIN: So that's 13 points of slashing damage, not fire.

MATT: Nice, great. The axe cuts through part of the leg, and you watch as some of the metal bends from the impact and elements of it sever, the leg itself exposing the perpetual damage it seems to be sustaining, his robotic body itself now showing some heavy wear and tear.

SAM: "Heavy wear and tear."

MATT: All right, he steps onto the chamber.

SAM: No!

MATT: You can, now the teleport relay's beginning to spin up.

LAURA: Oh no.

MATT: (humming) As he looks over the rest of you.

DARIN (V.O.): "Everything you've done meant nothing."

MATT: That finishes his turn. Kreel, you're up.

LAURA: Oh yeah, kill him!

ANJALI: Get the teleporter array.

TALIESIN: I don't know if this'll kill him. I don't think he's that hurt, but I can, on the other hand, I'm going to shove him off the teleporter.

MATT: Okay, go ahead and make an athletics check.

TALIESIN: At disadvantage.

MATT: At disadvantage, yeah.

SAM: You're strong.

TALIESIN and ANJALI: (groan)


MATT: You actually beat him. (cheering) He rolled a 12. You shove him back off the relay. As he gets pushed backward, and the relay begins to power back down without him on to trigger the exit, okay.

TALIESIN: I'm going to try standing on the relay.

MATT: Okay, you're going to stand on the relay, and it begins the process of warming up once more.

TALIESIN: Oh, hmm.

SAM: No, that's good, because then he's going to have to shove you off.

TALIESIN: Yep, yep, okay.

ANJALI: I wonder if I can just destroy the relay.

TALIESIN: Maybe, that's my turn.

MATT: That is your turn, at the end of your turn-- no, the Doom Slayer's used all of his legendary actions. So yes, Phyllis, what are you doing?

ANJALI: I want to destroy the relay. Can I see the relay from where I am?

MATT: Not from where you currently are, but you can move into here, and you get a very definitive view of it.

ANJALI: I'm going to shoot a lost soul at the relay to destroy it.

MATT: Any particular place? Just at the top of it?

LAURA: Do you see the red gem?

ANJALI: Oh yeah, the red gem, do we see the red relay crystal above the pod?

LAURA: (pigeon cooing)

MATT: Make a perception check for me.

SAM: There's no pigeons in this world, it has to be something else.

MATT: All the pigeons are dead.

LAURA: It's a demon pigeon.

ANJALI: Five plus seven, 12?

MATT: 12? You don't see the crystal, unfortunately. You just see the relay, the apparatus above the platform itself that is spinning up with the Argent energy.

ANJALI: And the platform that he's on.

MATT: Correct.

ANJALI: I'm going to hit the thingy above. I'm going to shoot my lost soul at the thingy.

MATT: Go for it, roll an attack.

TALIESIN: I believe in you.

ANJALI: Seven plus.

SAM: ♪ Shakira, Shakira. ♪

TALIESIN: Oh, at disadvantage.

ANJALI: Yeah, this ain't going to happen. That was a seven plus, do I get my strength plus that? Oh, plus seven, seven plus seven, 14.

MATT: 14, okay, go ahead and roll damage.

ANJALI: Seven, 11, plus four, 15.

MATT: 15 points of damage, you impact the relay. It is not organic, so it is resistant to necrotic damage, but the damage does seep through and you can see it starting to, the relay above the teleporter platform itself is starting to show wear and tear. You can hear the creaking of metal, and some of the wires are beginning to wither and darken. So it's taken damage.

ANJALI: That doesn't help anything.

MATT: That finish your turn, Phyllis?

ANJALI: Yes, although I'm turning around and steeling myself to face the doctor.

MATT: Okay, Ickybod, you're up.

SAM: Oh, hi, I'll move as far as I can.

MATT: You get just into the chamber and you see the exploded bits and the blackened crater on the floor that was once your friend Reva, and to the left of you, you can see the large, partially incinerated body of Mancubus.

LAURA: My butt is oozing out a smoke bomb.


MATT: (mimics farting)

TALIESIN: I was wondering where you were keeping those.

SAM: No, what happened? Oh, curse my slow legs! Why on earth, oh no! That used my action as well to get there, right?

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: Can you teleport?

SAM: Did I teleport last.

MATT: You teleported last turn.

LAURA: You did?

SAM: I think I did last turn.

MATT: So you spend your turn lamenting.

SAM: I'll use my bonus action to take sad pictures of the dead bodies of my friends.


MATT: Perfect.

SAM: I'll still post this on social media later, oh! Oh! (camera shutter clicking) Oh, it's been a Polaroid this whole time.

JASMINE: Do you dry your tears with the Polaroid?

MATT: Perfect, okay, finishing your turn, we come back to the top of the round again. The temperature is rising quite intensely now, the walls themselves, their gray color is starting to go faintly red, and the floor itself is starting to deal damage in its own right. So at the top of the Doom Slayer's turn, he takes--

SAM: Not to Phyllis though.

MATT: No, not to Phyllis. He takes three points of fire damage, and the Doom Slayer is going to go ahead and, he's not close enough to make that worthwhile. He's going to chainsaw the Hell Knight.

MATT: That is a 14 to hit? Misses.


MATT: That's a 20 to hit.

TALIESIN: That hits.

MATT: And a 14 to hit, which misses. Wow, okay, he's going to go ahead and chainsaw into the Hell Knight for 14 points of slashing damage.

TALIESIN: Whose Hell Knight is that? Is that your Hell Knight?

SAM: Oh, it's mine.

ANJALI: He's still good, he's still standing.

MATT: Okay, so mark that down, 14 points.

SAM: How many points?

MATT: 14 points of slashing damage.

SAM: Oh, okay, great.

MATT: Goes to chainsaw twice more and the Hell Knight grabs the Doom Slayer's arm, and pulls back and manages to withdraw him for a second, pushes him against the wall. The Doom Slayer angrily comes forward and shoulder checks and brings the chainsaw up a third time, but the Hell Knight manages to push him to the side. They're having this epic struggle in the middle of this hallway right now.

LAURA: Go Hell Knight. He's doing better than you did.

SAM: Way better.

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: He's going to use his movement to spin around, not leaving contact with the Hell Knight, but in the forcing of the battle, pushes around, which by the way, Hell Knight didn't take his turn on your turn, by the way.


SAM: Oh, well.

LAURA: You can attack him.

SAM: I mean, I had commanded him to attack the doctor, but I don't know where the doctor is anymore, so I don't know.

MATT: The Hell Knight would probably follow though, it's kind of its own thing.

SAM: Yeah, can the Hell Knight even get in there?

MATT: We'll say that he goes simultaneously. Hell Knight can move, can't get to the doctor, not at his size, unfortunately. It's kind of under Phyllis right now.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: It's getting real crowded over there at the teleporter. All right, so, we'll say that battle happens and he manages to push away. All right, it is now Hayden's turn. Hayden's going to attempt to push you off. Go ahead and make an acrobatics or athletics check, your call.

TALIESIN: Both the same. That's a 11.

MATT: 11? 14. You get pushed back off of the relay, and Hayden steps back up onto the teleporter as it begins to spin up once more. You can see the energy pulsing and glowing from underneath as it's beginning to prepare the process of teleportation.

DARIN (V.O.): "This is the end, I'm afraid. You've lost. Goodbye."

MATT: All right, that brings us to--

SAM: His quips are so brief, but impactful.

MATT: Kreel, your turn.

TALIESIN: I'm going to shove again.

ANJALI: Can you shove again?

TALIESIN: I'm going to shove him right back.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: I'm getting into a shoving fight.

MATT: Okay.

ANJALI: Your athletics are so good.

TALIESIN: Yep, yep.

TALIESIN and ANJALI: (groan)

MATT: Natural 20.

TALIESIN: Natural one.

MATT: Oh shit. (laughs)

SAM: You manage to push yourself back.

MATT: You do, and you stumble back a bit.

JASMINE: The quip was too much.

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: That was too much of a quip.

MATT: You can try again, technically, as a shove, you can do it per attack since you have two attacks.

TALIESIN: Oh, well, in that case...

MATT: Natural 20 again, holy shit.

TALIESIN: Natural one again, not natural one, but a one again.

MATT: (laughs) That's pretty funny.

TALIESIN: That's terrible.

MATT: Not moving. He is on the teleporter.

TALIESIN: I am irritated by this so I'm going to try and jump up into the mechanism, the teleporter mechanism with my movement.

MATT: Okay, so yeah, you jump, and then you can double jump, so you leap again and you're now grabbing onto the top of the relay.

TALIESIN: Yeah, and I'm pulling out my axe for the next round.

MATT: Okay, it is spinning up. Phyllis, it's your turn. Did you want to look for the crystal again?

ANJALI: Is there anything that I can do to help with a move, just a move?

MATT: A move? No, it just moves you around.

LAURA: Attack, attack him.

ANJALI: I just don't have any useful attacks. I'll attack Hayden with a lost soul. Who shall I send to him this time?

SAM: Whitney Houston.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I mean, that really is all we have left.

ANJALI: Yes, right. ♪ And I... ♪ Here she comes. 15, plus seven, so that's 21 or, 18.

MATT: 18 does hit.

SAM: Yes!

MATT: That was with disadvantage, too?


MATT: Nice.

ANJALI: Six, four, plus four, six, plus four, plus four, 14.

MATT: 14 points of necrotic damage. As it strikes him, the other leg gives out for a second, and you can see Dr. Samuel Hayden is now looking very physically hurt. Both knees down onto the platform, but still on the platform as it's spinning up.

LAURA: One more hit.

MATT: Looking up, hurt, scarred, the metal looking scuffed and bent in places, and the light itself in the middle of his face is flickering.

DARIN (V.O.): "Very good, but there are always more bodies to transfer into."


ANJALI: I'm going to get him. I still can move. I float up to Kreel, beside Kreel, to be able to help him on his next move.

MATT: Okay, you got it. That brings us to you, Ickybod.

SAM: Well, my demon man would probably attack.

MATT: Yeah, he'd leap forward. Go ahead and make an attack with him. Two attacks, actually.

SAM: Should I try to push him off or just attack? Oh, he doesn't have disadvantage either.

MATT: Nope, he wasn't there for it.

SAM: Two attacks, that's cocked. That's terrible. One hits, 22 and an 11.

MATT: Okay, so roll damage.

SAM: This is 1d8. Nine points of damage.

MATT: Nine points of damage, as the Hell Knight comes forward and rakes his claw against the front. You watch as Samuel Hayden grabs the side of the arm with one hand and tries to resist it. The blade carves into the chest, shoves the Hell Knight back, still stands.

SAM: Oh no, he's going to get away.

LAURA: He's going to get away.

MATT: All right. Top of the round, it's the Doom Slayer's turn.

SAM: Wait, no, it's still my turn.

MATT: Oh, that's right, no, it's your turn, whatcha doing?

SAM: Can I see what's going on in there?

MATT: You can, you see a bunch of sparks, and people fighting, and stuff, and the Doom Slayer is making his way towards that terminal.

SAM: All right, I will go forward 20 feet.

MATT: Okay, 20 feet.

SAM: And I will cast Flame Wall in front of the Doom Slayer.

MATT: Here?

SAM: Yes.

MATT: Okay.


SAM: And then I'll just go: Come on.


ANJALI: Draw him off.

MATT: The Doom Slayer sees the wall go up and then the head turns over in your direction. You can see the shine of the fire against the front of the helmet and the symbol of the Doom Slayer, the warning in the demonic runic language, knowing what fate shall come to you shortly.

JASMINE: I feel like voices are singing, "Aah!"

ANJALI: Oh, that's Whitney.

MATT: Top of the round, it is the Doom Slayer's turn. The Doom Slayer is going to go ahead and pull out the plasma rifle. No, the ballista first. Pulls out the ballista, the weird, alien-looking crossbow. Fires it at you.

SAM: I am Mancubus.

MATT: That's a 15 to hit.

LAURA: We're all Mancubus.

SAM: Hits.

MATT: Hits you, using up second ballista shot there. From the ballista shot, you take 24 points of plasma damage to the chest. As it just blasts into your chest, the plasma itself piercing into the center, and then rocketing through your body. It's out of plasma blasts, it's going to now move to the combat shotgun. Sets the ballista away, and then pulls up the combat shotgun, and is going to fire at you with that.

SAM: Just drop my-- oh, I'll take out my camera, take a final picture, a final selfie of my smiling demon face as this happens.

MATT: 26 to hit.

SAM: Sure, that hits.

MATT: It's a bad roll, nine points of piercing damage.


SAM: (screeches)(camera shutter clicking)


MATT: The fire wall fades as you fall unconscious. (groaning) and the Doom Slayer uses his movement to turn back around and enter the terminal relay.

SAM: Oh no, he got in.

LAURA: At least you used up all his attacks.

SAM: I don't know, did I, is there more? More attacks?

MATT: No, that was all of his attacks for the turn.

SAM: Okay, good, it worked.

MATT: The entire, oh, and he takes, at the top of this round, I forgot the fire damage for everybody, but that's fine. He takes eight points of fire damage, reduced to four, as the whole base begins to heat up, brighter, and brighter, and brighter. Samuel Hayden...


MATT: (laughs)

LAURA: Did that do it?

MATT: (laughing) Yeah. (cheering) Of course, that's how it works out. So the heat of the chamber begins to heat up from beneath, and you watch as the metallic body of Dr. Samuel Hayden begins to spark and sputter as elements of the metal begins to liquefy upon contact of the surface of the teleporter, as the body begins to shut down, the face looks up, the eye blinking, centrally.

DARIN (V.O.): "I just want you to know, I'm a doctor of-- well, why would I ever tell you?"


SAM: It's the ultimate insult!

ANJALI: (screams) Rosebud!

MATT: As the body collapses...

SAM: I'm going to say zoology.


TALIESIN: Liberal arts.

ANJALI: Piscatology.

TALIESIN: It's a liberal arts degree.

ANJALI: He's clearly a PhD of liberal arts BS.

MATT: The Doom Slayer's going to use a legendary action--

LAURA: Oh no.

MATT: -- to quick shot with the plasma rifle against you, as you are the one that's currently up on the teleportation relay, his one chance of himself escaping now, there. He's going to roll for an attack against you. That is 16 to hit.

TALIESIN: Armor class of 16.

MATT: Just hits you, all righty. As the shotgun blasts, you take 11 points of piercing damage. Now it's your turn, Kreel.

TALIESIN: I'm going to take two swings with the axe at the teleporter.

SAM: What, no, get out of there. Our mission is complete.

TALIESIN: I'm going to take him with us, nope, I'm going to take him with us. That's a eight to hit the teleporter?

MATT: That's a miss.

TALIESIN: I can't believe I have disadvantage on all of these.

MATT: I know. You strike, and the axe just scrapes off the metal. You hit, and damage, and sever some of the tubes, but nothing that seems to be vital to the operation of the teleporter.

TALIESIN: Going to hit it again. Come on. That's a 11 to hit.

MATT: 11, once again, you can't seem to cut into this thing. It is built very sturdy.

TALIESIN: I am going to swing around to the other side of this thing and attempt to get some coverage from the Doom Slayer.

MATT: Okay, so you crawl around, there you go. End of your turn, Doom Slayer's going to go ahead and take another quick shot. This is going to be at you, Phyllis. That is 15 to hit? Okay, you take, ooh, 22 points of piercing damage.

ANJALI: Oh, one more than I have.

SAM: Are you out?

LAURA: Oh no!

MATT: Phyllis drops from the air, onto the ground.

ANJALI: ♪ And I... ♪

MATT: Phyllis, it's your turn. Roll a death save for me.

SAM: ♪ You got me feeling emotion ♪

ANJALI: ♪ Regrets, I've had a few ♪ 12, is there a thing?

MATT: Just a 12, that's a success, so mark that as a success.

LAURA: Do you take fire damage on the ground?

MATT: Mm-hmm, because you are on the ground, so you do also take a death save because you were hurt by the fire on the ground.

TALIESIN: So one of these as well. Yeah, this is final death incoming.

MATT: All right, top of the round. Doom Slayer takes 12 points of fire damage, reduced to six.

JASMINE: (mumbles)

TALIESIN: There is a demon in there.

MATT: I know.

ANJALI: There is, can he attack?

MATT: No, the demon actually should have attacked the Doom Slayer, so roll some attacks, or do what it wants to. Probably now it's just going after, Samuel Hayden's gone, so the demon's just going into the, going after the Doom Slayer, so roll two attacks against the Doom Slayer.

SAM: Yeah, they're both real good. A 22, or 21 and a 17.

MATT: 17 misses.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: Praetor suit, unfortunately.

SAM: d8.

MATT: But one does hit.

SAM: Eight points of damage.

MATT: Eight points of damage, the Hell Knight rakes into the front of the chest. All right, it is now the Doom Slayer's turn. The Doom Slayer, seeing how things are going, is going to step into the teleporter as it begins to light up around.

ANJALI: Well, if he leaves, who cares?

TALIESIN: He's the Doom Slayer!

ANJALI: He can't die; he's invincible.

MATT: And from that...

SAM: Oh, it was my turn, right?

LAURA: Oh yeah.

SAM: I'll roll a death save.

LAURA: But you would take damage, too, because of the fire ground.

SAM: Yep, so that's two fails.


MATT: All righty, the Doom Slayer could take a shot for you, but is going to instead hold onto the teleporter, which is more important to it at the moment. That brings us to your turn.

TALIESIN: I'm going to take another two swipes at the teleporter. Come on, ah, that's better. 18 to hit the teleporter.

MATT: 18'll hit.

TALIESIN: That's a, all right, that's, ooh, 14 points of slashing damage?

MATT: As you're holding onto the side, the light glowing beneath, you watch as the Doom Slayer steps into the space, and the air itself begins to alight with Argent energy. The systems that are taxing and overloading, the whole room is shaking as the mechanics to this teleporter are preparing to shut down just from the sheer amount of heat and energy that is pushing through this soon-to-melt-down military base. As it's about to flash and send him to wherever the coordinates previously were correctly set since the gem was never found or disrupted, you reach in with your axe and slam it into the base of the spire that holds the top of the teleporter. As it does, (crackling) sparks fly out, the lights flicker, and the entire things swings off to the side and slams into the wall. All the energy fades, the room goes dark other than the increasing red unearthly glow as the entirety of this base is now heading to a terrible fate. You get to watch and stare down the Doom Slayer, knowing that he has nowhere to go. Steps up to you, fallen to the ground after tumbling with the collapse of the porter, takes his shotgun, puts it right to your forehead. (shotgun blasting) And that's the last you see.


LAURA: The Hell Knight is still alive.

MATT: As the--

TALIESIN: Worth it!

MATT: As the--

SAM: Even my death knight is like, "What's going on?"

MATT: The armies outside, themselves, battling against the denizens of Hell, glance over and watch as the mesa itself suddenly begins to (rumbling) collapse into the ground. The base, destroyed. The Argent Hammer tech, seemingly lost, at least for now. Dr. Samuel Hayden's body, destroyed. The Doom Slayer, not killed, but for the time being, sealed away in the depths of whatever Armaros now lies, sunk in the battlefields of the Hellscape now called Earth. And that's where we're going to finish our game tonight. (cheering) Well done, guys. Well done, it was a TPK and a success.


TALIESIN: Beat them both.


LAURA: How would we have made it out of there, ever though?

ANJALI: It just feels right.

TALIESIN: So, yeah, there's a--

MATT: Possible elements there, there were different ideas. The meltdown is definitely one of the ways you could seal him. There were ways where if you could mess with the crystal without the doctor or the Doom Slayer knowing, you could have let them either go in there trying to escape and they been ported to wherever the relay was offset, or you could shove them into it if you managed to get the battle there. There were elements where you could just try and utilizing some of the dangerous chambers and manage to find ways to keep them in there. You could have slowly brought him to zero hit points that wouldn't have died, but it would have given you an opportunity to escape after killing Hayden or preventing Hayden from escaping. The Doom Slayer was not meant to be destroyed, but just to escape from, but the main objective was to get Hayden. So, which you did.

ANJALI: Which we did!

MATT: You did! Well done, guys, that was awesome.

ANJALI: Yay! I've never been so happy and dead.

SAM: It was glorious.

MATT: Let's bring a quick guest to the table if we can. (cheering) A huge thank you to the majestic and incredible Darin De Paul, if you want to scoot in a bit that way.

DARIN: I'm moving.

MATT: There we go.


MATT: Darin, thank you for helping.

DARIN: Of course. Now, this could be in canon. The only image we have seen of Hayden is, the legs are gone, he's hanging up by, he's pretty much destroyed. The only thing we've seen for DOOM Eternal. So, could this be canon? Maybe.

SAM: I say it is. I'm saying it is.

ANJALI: You mean a demon called Phyllis could be canon?

MATT: I... cannot say any of this.

DARIN: Well, I am the voice of him, so I will postulate that is within the realm of possibility.

MATT: There you go, it's a fun thought experiment, I like it.

DARIN: Indeed, indeed.

MATT: But yeah, to that point, for those who aren't aware, Darin De Paul, on top of being just a dear friend and friend of the show, has guested with us on many things, is the voice of Dr. Samuel Hayden in DOOM and DOOM Eternal.

ANJALI: Doctor of what?

DARIN: (laughs)

MATT: Guess you'll have to play the new game to find out.

DARIN: Play the game.

MATT: But thank you very much for working with me and having fun with the--

DARIN: Oh, it was, thank you for thinking all this up. It was delightful watching these wonderful performers, this story unfold. I was just over there in utter joy. It was an amazing night. You guys were (claps) really.


MATT: Big thanks to you guys. Taliesin, Anjali, Jasmine, Sam, Laura, you guys were so much fun to play with.

SAM: It was great, great map.

ANJALI: And you, you scary, scary thing!

MATT: Ah, it was so much fun. It was so much fun. Big thank you to our amazing crew who's been working really hard to put all this together. You guys did great in building the set, and building the atmosphere, and everything's been great. A huge thank you to Bethesda and id Software for partnering with us to do this, and for letting me play with your music and play with your world, and for being so awesome and proactive in working with us. Not all sponsored one-shots we do have as much involvement as you guys have been and it's been really cool to build this with you guys. So thank you all for watching, and hopefully enjoying this weird and wild experience and story within the world of DOOM. Check out DOOM Eternal, which, if you're watching this live or the week of, it's coming out that Friday, March 20th, across all main systems. Super excited, I already can't wait to play myself. Thank you all so much, have a wonderful night, we love you very much, and is it Thursday yet?


(heavy industrial music)