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List of Transcripts


MATT: Hello everyone and welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons.

ALL: Dungeons & Dragons! MATT: Before we get into tonight's game, we have some announcements to get through, so be patient with us for a moment as we give a big shout out and thanks to our two sponsors for tonight's episode, starting with our friends at D&D Beyond. Sam?

SAM: As I said last week, the Waterdeep: Dragon Heist is now available on D&D Beyond. As Max said last week. They'll guide your Waterdeep campaign from levels one to five. After that, explore the legendary Undermountain Dungeon below the city with Waterdeep: Dungeon of the Mad Mage for levels five through 20! Waterdeep: Dungeon of the Mad Mage is available for pre-order on D&D Beyond and will release November 2nd. Now, because D&D Beyond is such a generous sponsor of this show, Laura, I wanted to show the audience some of what we do with that sponsorship money. We take it and we turn it into this amazing studio which has amazing equipment and after effects and editing suites and cool special effects, so we put together a really cool ad for them using all the equipment, and if you guys would turn to the monitor and see what we made. Hi, guys! As you know, we love D&D Beyond. It's easy to use, the interface is super high tech. Since their sponsorship helps us make this show, we thought we'd use all the cutting edge editing software in our fabulous new studio to make D&D Beyond a mind-blowing special effects ad. (explosions) Explosions, I assume. For instance, look at my face. Looks normal now, right? But when we add high tech CGI effects: Oh, I look like a beholder! Roar! Antimagic cone! D&D Beyond! Okay, reset. Now, check out this awesome face swapping feature. Okay, right now, I look like Sam Riegel. But now (whoop). Oh, I'm Matt Mercer. Welcome to Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors get to look at how handsome I am. Oh, now I'm doing a Cajun accent. Okay, reset. But that's not all. Now, it looks like I'm holding nothing, right? But now, with special effects. (gasp) Oh! I've got an adorable blink dog in my hands. Aw, isn't Nugget so cute? And reset. Wow, that was just a taste of the amazing special effects that D&D Beyond sponsorship covers here at the studio. Thanks, D&D Beyond, and if you don't mind, Scotty, beam me up! I'm probably gone by now, right? That was great! Thanks, Max. I can't wait to see how it cuts together. I can't wait to see all the effects. They didn't put any fucking effects on. I mean, we had it all mapped out. It was going to be amazing, and now it's just--

LAURA: It's really lame.

SAM: It's pretty lame, and also kind of insulting to Matt. I mean, if you want to be honest about it. Sorry to the audience, and sorry to D&D Beyond. Back to you, Matt!

MATT: Thank you, Sam.

TRAVIS: Yet more evidence why we should see the return of Max "Better Sam" James.

MATT: All righty. One of these days, your escalation is going to be the end of us all. Not looking forward to it.

SAM: Guys, for D&D Beyond, I brought a loaded gun!

MATT: One of these days.

SAM: Guys, it's really amazing!

MATT: Oh my god. On sale now we do have our very first live show in New York City. It's coming up pretty soon, actually, in two weeks. We'll be at the United Palace in Washington Heights, Thursday, October 4th for the live show. Tickets are still available now at Ticketmaster. You can check out all the details to do so at

LAURA: I'm sorry. No, just keep talking.

MATT: I got to get it out now. Better now, than in the narrative. Also, for those who had a chance to see it. Thank you so much for tuning in to this week's episode of Between the Sheets, our new show hosted by the fantastic Brian W. Foster. Taliesin was our first guinea pig for that. Really in-depth, awesome interview, and peek behind the--

TALIESIN: Really bitzed on that stuff, it was pretty fun.

LIAM: Why did we start with a closer, though?

TALIESIN: Let's just start on grain alcohol, also. That was a good call on my part.

MATT: Well done, Taliesin. If you want to talk a little bit about the release schedule for that show, for Between the Sheets, it's every--

MARISHA: Every Monday, 7:00pm on Twitch is where it premieres. Then, of course, you can immediately catch it on VOD on Twitch if you've subscribed to us on Critical Role's Twitch. Critical Role's Twitch! I don't know; I'm pulling a Sam Riegel, I'm adding graphics that aren't here. There's a graphic, right? Then it releases on Wednesdays on Critical Role's YouTube channel at 10:00am, so if you do not catch it live or if you are not subscribed, you'll get it on Wednesday.

MATT: There you go, and to celebrate the launch of Between the Sheets, Brian's going to be doing a Reddit AMA tomorrow at 2:00pm Pacific. If you want to go ahead and razz him through text format, see him on the Critical Role Reddit tomorrow at 2:00pm Pacific. We've been raising a lot great money for Sam's charity, Pablove Foundation, if you want to talk a little bit about that?

SAM: Yes, the charity that I'm very fond of, Pablove Foundation, they battle childhood cancer. What am I supposed to talk about tonight? I'm supposed to talk about the fact that because you guys raised so much money, we're doing a one-shot tomorrow night on the Critical Role Twitch channel. We're going to do a Crash Pandas one-shot with me as the Game Master and people like Laura Bailey, Liam O'Brien, Marisha Ray, Travis Willingham--

LAURA: I still have my purse on!

SAM: -- Matt Mercer. Basically everyone at this table except for Taliesin will be there.

TALIESIN: I got some shit to do, people.

MATT: Got enough coverage this week already; he can sit out a bit.

SAM: Tune in tomorrow night at 7:00 to see the show. We will also be giving away prizes to some lucky person who made a donation and tagged Critical Role in the donation field. That's it! Yay!

MATT: Great. Laura, you said you wantedd to talk about merch stuff?

LAURA: Yeah! We got some things back in stock, y'all.

TRAVIS: You're still wearing your purse, by the way

LAURA: No, I'm not, stop it.

MARISHA: She had to think about it, though.

LAURA: I did! We got the Wildemount dice back in stock! The pretty blue ones that we have and then we got limited amount of The Mighty Nein pins back in stock. Check that out right now; they're awesome. We have the maps back in stock, and I have heard the t-shirts are being restocked very shortly. That means check it out this weekend, like Friday or Monday. They should be back in there so check it out.

SAM: Refresh!

LAURA: Just refresh, and if you want them, they should be there.

MATT: There you go. Thank you, Laura, and a thank you to our second sponsor. I wanted to bookend it, sponsor-sponsor. Returning is our friend here, The Rook and The Raven, who have been doing their awesome-- if you guys aren't familiar, haven't seen the previous episodes-- these really awesome, high quality, discbound gaming notebooks for your campaign. The fronts, you can see, are laser etched designs of awesome maps from our fantastic friend, Deven Rue, who did our Dwendalian Empire map earlier in the campaign, which you saw, and just came into stock, apparently. This is their Mischief and Misadventure book where you can go ahead and put all your campaign notes and your character info. It's pretty badass. Their Kickstarter ends tonight at midnight Pacific time, so if you haven't got in on it, now's your last chance to do so. This is your last chance to get the deluxe edition of this, as well as the Far Traveler's notebook at the Kickstarter exclusive pricing, so get to it now if you're planning to. You can find that at to get all the info you need before midnight tonight. Check it out, guys.

SAM: Yay sponsors!


MATT: All of the sweet effects, Sam.

SAM: Yeah, someone will add some effects at some point.

MATT: At some point.

TALIESIN: Pew pew.

MATT: I feel like we're really going to have to release that now with effects put onto it.

TRAVIS: Arsequeef will take care of it.

MATT: Yeah, he will. Without further ado, let's go ahead and jump into tonight's episode of Critical Role.

[click, TV static]

[groovy Critical Role theme]

Part I[]

MATT: Welcome back. Last we left off, The Mighty Nein had found their way outside of the Dwendalian Empire and to the first city along the coast of the Menagerie Coast, Nicodranas, where Fjord had passed through previously on his various adventures through the waters nearby, and Jester's upbringing was entirely within. You had met with Jester's mother, Marion, The Ruby of the Sea, as well as began to seek information about an individual that was connected with your time up at Shadycreek Run and the sphere that you had absorbed, Fjord. In this period of time, you discovered there was an individual that had grown jealous and strangely aggressive regarding the companionship of Jester's mother and as such, you began to seek information about them in a way to put an end to this behavior. In doing so, you went to a tavern and met a captain who had possibly room for a few of you to travel with about a week from now. You met a tortle-- for many of you, the first time you've encountered a tortle-- who had some interesting things to say and a lead on the individual you were looking for. You also found information about what's called the Sluice Weave, a series of waterways beneath the city where this Algar, this individual that was creating tension with The Ruby of the Sea, works and oversees. You made your way to the outskirts of the docks, searched through the water for an entrance, managed to muscle your way through the grates below, nearly drowning the pets you had recently purchased. You encountered a few small water elementals and eventually came upon one of the nexus areas of this waterway where there was an elemental entity named Xundi that was bound to this location and was helping run and control the water in and out, under the supervision of Algar. Catching them, but, however, not being as stealthy as you had hoped, you were noticed, and as such, a battle commenced where Xundi, this elemental figure, was given the command by Algar to take care of you and see you out. In this fray, a number of you fell and fell again, but through a combination of Fjord's teleportation spell abilities, you guys keeping each other alive, you repeatedly punching very hard whatever got in your way, you managed to subdue Algar, destroy his two guards, raised one as a specter, and noticing that there was something affixed to his wrist that seemed to have some connection with Xundi, Fjord cut his left hand off. And that's where we pick up. The rest of you are slowly pulling your way, your bodies are completely waterlogged from rushing through thigh-high waters and many of you being submerged-- nearly drowned at times. You gather yourself as you realize the threat is gone. The water elemental's destroyed, and this entity that was once attacking you seems to have lowered their trident and turned around, their attention elsewhere, releasing any aggressive demeanor they have held since your arrival. At this time, you, Beau, as you turn the corner and mashed the face of Algar against the wet stone wall, you look over to see both Fjord slice the hand off of his right wrist--

MARISHA: Wait, right or left?

MATT: Oh, sorry, left hand. It's to your right. You see the left hand get cut off. He screams out, bleeding from the stump as he grabs it with his other hand, the hand and the bracelet that was attached both clattering to the ground with a wet thud and it (spinning), falling over to the side. Beau, you also look over and notice there is this horrible, strange, undead entity floating immediately to your right of you and Algar, this spectral creature that is ethereal, but made of dark blue and black energy, this drowned spirit that is giving off this horrible, guttural sucking sound and Fjord still stands there, blade in hand, looming over the two of you, technically.

LIAM: They're hidden from all the rest of our views, right?

MATT: Yeah, you guys know where they went, but you have no idea what's transpired since. Currently, Xundi is floating towards the back of the chamber, towards where they are. What do you do?

MARISHA: Fjord, is he with you? I'm pointing at the spectral guy.

TRAVIS: He is.

MARISHA: So I shouldn't kill him?

TRAVIS: I don't think so. Might be unwise.

MARISHA: You all right, man?

TRAVIS: Yeah, I want that bracelet. I'll reach down and pick it up.

MATT: Okay. You pick the bracelet and Algar's like, (groaning, panting).

TRAVIS: I'll hold it in front of his face. You used this to control that?

MATT: Make an intimidation check with advantage.

MARISHA: Yeah, I'm still holding him down.

TRAVIS: That's a 25.

MATT: "Yeah. It was part of my post. What are you going to do? Please don't kill me. Please."

TRAVIS: Well, it depends on how forthcoming you are. Anything I need to know to operate this thing or I just slap it on and start giving commands?

MATT: At this point, Xundi appears at the back of the chamber. Rounding the corner, the large, thick, barrel-chested, fish-like form wearing this very well-tailored vest with the silks of the shirt billowing around its wet elemental form, its fish face curled into this sly grin. It spins around and looks towards Algar and you guys. It says, with this low, burbling fish voice, "Ah. I see the hour is nigh for vengeance." It pulls the collar from its neck and it clangs onto the ground.

SAM: Ask him to put it back on!

LIAM: I'm going to start covering distance.

TRAVIS: Indeed. The hour is nigh.

MATT: It puts out its hand. "You have seemingly come to the aid of this humble individual. Please, hand me the implements of my enslavement."

TRAVIS: May I ask how you came to be enslaved in this predicament in the first place?

MATT: "That is not of your concern."

TRAVIS: How about an answer for the bracelet?

MATT: Algar's still (moaning). "Don't trust him!"

MARISHA: I punch him.

TRAVIS: That's right you do!

MARISHA: Shut up.

MATT: The rest of you are closing up on this space.

TALIESIN: We're making our way there.

MATT: You guys leap up and begin to climb. In the meantime, the creature looks to you and says, "Let's just say that there were powerful minds that were interested in the benefits of my undivided attention towards things that were of not my interest."

TRAVIS: I'm sorry to hear that. I never like to see a creature put under the boot of somebody else for their gain. I'll toss him the bracelet.

MATT: Catches it, picks up the necklace, and both of them get tucked inside of its vest with this heavy, wet sucking sound. Looks over to Algar. "It would appear that you have this taken care of, but would you do me the honors?"


TRAVIS: Actually, if you wouldn't mind, we have further need--

MARISHA: Questions, yeah. Just a conversation, maybe, first. Can you wait five minutes?

TRAVIS: Not even five minutes. Perhaps if he can tell us the safe way out of here in exchange for letting us have our way with Algar, he could be on his way and we can have our time.

MARISHA: I'm confused on the levels on what you're talking about what all you want, but I'm with it. Wait, do we do need from Algar--?

TRAVIS: But I don't want to kill Algar.

MARISHA: You do want to kill Algar?

TRAVIS: I do not. Nope.

MARISHA: You don't want to kill Algar. Yeah. Okay.

TRAVIS: Hand up, one sec. Yeah, I'm saying: Don't kill Algar.

MARISHA: Yeah, I'll give earmuffs to Algar. Still have my knee in his face.

MATT: He's bleeding out.

TRAVIS: I want to know if there's other booby traps.

LIAM: We're all watching?

MATT: Yeah, you guys all now have gone into the chamber. You can see this.

LIAM: I'm going to attempt to do that thing I've seen Beauregard do so many times and foof up my biceps and look intimidating.

MARISHA: What do we do with Algar?

TRAVIS: I'm not sure yet.

MARISHA: By the way? I think Algar's unconscious. He might be dead.

TRAVIS: Algar?


TRAVIS: I'll give him a little cheek slap.

MATT: He's definitely passed out. He's not dead, but there is a large amount of blood coming out of his severed stump.

LAURA: I stand next to Caleb and poke his biceps. Ooh!

SAM: Guys need any help?

MARISHA: Should we--

TRAVIS: I'll tear off a sheet of ribbon off of my sleeve and I'll wrap it around his forearm like a tight tourniquet.

MATT: Make a medicine check.

LAURA: Do you want me to stabilize him? I can do that.


MATT: 11. That's enough to stabilize, okay. You've prevented him from bleeding out. He looks pale and has lost a lot of blood and there is this dark pool that's still suffusing the space around him on the stone floor on the raised area of the hallway. So he's stable. Xundi, as the rest of you came around the corner, you can see him standing there looking at the group. "Well, I have things to take care of now." It looks to you. "Khedive Xundi is my title. I've been held here for too long. Should you find yourself among the endless seas of my world, come to my Silver-Silked Palace."

TRAVIS: Silver-Silked?

MATT: "There I shall reward you for your assistance. Now, I'll go to free my partner."

MARISHA: Hey, Xundi, real quick? Just seems like you were powering the entire city. How would we do that without you?

MATT: "That's a good question," and it leaves.

LAURA: What was the palace, what did he say?

ALL: Silver-Silked.

LAURA: Where was the palace, is it in the ocean?

TRAVIS: I'm pretty sure--

LAURA: Was it in the ocean?

SAM: It's probably not on land, yeah.

TALIESIN: Is everybody okay by the way do we have every-- Oh god! I'm going to cast Turn Undead.


MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: To the guy?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: That is a 14, what's your DC?

TALIESIN: DC on Turn Undead? Let me find it again--

MATT: What's your spell DC?

TALIESIN: Spell DC is 16.

MATT: The specter goes (groaning) and immediately turns around and starts drifting down the hallway away from you, giving this horrible hollow sucking scream.

TRAVIS: Thank you.

MARISHA: Did we need him? Was he useful, too?

TRAVIS: Nope, no. I just forgot he was there.

TALIESIN: All right, let's--

SAM: Good job, Mr Clay.

TALIESIN: If everyone's got a minute, does anybody need healing?

TRAVIS: Actually, Algar might need a quick--

LAURA: I have a question.

TALIESIN: I'm going to start a ten minute--

LAURA: Are we going to kill him?


LAURA: Well, if we don't, how do we get away without anyone knowing that we killed his guards and we let the guy go?


SAM: What do you mean? Just tell him: don't tell anyone or we'll come back and kill you.


LAURA: What if he goes in to like a protection service or something?

SAM: We need to have a conversation with him afterwards. We can tell him to leave the city and never come back or we'll take off your other hand!

TRAVIS: I like that. Plus, they're guards, it's their duty to fight, which they did and we defended ourselves.

LAURA: That's true.

TRAVIS: I feel like--

LAURA: I mean, we weren't even going to attack if he hadn't attacked us in the first place.

LIAM: Although, to play devil's advocate, you are right: he could change his mind down the line and try to get revenge on you or your mother.

LAURA: I don't want him to get revenge on my mother.

TRAVIS: We'll make it pretty quick.

MARISHA: We can do other things to make sure--

LAURA: Can we make it seem like Algar was the one who did all this?


LAURA: Like maybe he turned--

SAM: Did he see you, does he know who you are?


SAM: Then why would connect anything to his mother? Unless we tell him. To your mother, I mean.

LAURA: Well, because I heard Tracy say that she was staying at the fancy-- the Lavish Chateau.

SAM: It's a hotel that lots of Tracys I think probably stay at.

TRAVIS: If we want to be really careful, there are other places to stay.

LIAM: I'm also curious to know what he is doing down here in the first place.

SAM: Why don't you step aside, so that he doesn't see your face when he wakes up, or disguise your face so he hasn't--

LAURA: Oh, good call.

LIAM: I would like to throw my hat in the ring to say that I think he might need to die here, *ja*.

SAM: Okay, so we got two kills, four maybes.

LAURA: What if we send him out to sea? Don't necessarily kill him, but make him leave and then make it seem like he was the one that did everything.

TRAVIS: I think we're going to listen to your influence on this one, Jester; it is closest to you.

MARISHA: We do have one passage secured with Captain Adella. We could just tell Edér-- what's his name? Algar. That's Pillars of Eternity. We could just tell Algar: You have a new plot in life now and it's going to be to help Captain Adella.

SAM: Wait, is Yasha going with Adella? No.


SAM: She's on a different boat, maybe.

MATT: Yasha's with you.

SAM: No, I know but she's going to be leaving at some point soon, right?

MATT: She was making her way towards the sea, but hasn't made passage anywhere.

TRAVIS: No hard plans. Well, let's wake up this son of a bitch.

SAM: We can always kill him.

TRAVIS: Yeah, we'll get answers.

LAURA: Worst case scenario, we kill him.

SAM: Maybe best case scenario, yes.

LIAM: Just put a pin in it and see what we find out here.

MARISHA: Do you want to disguise yourself, before we do this?

LAURA: Oh, okay, yes. I will disguise myself as a tortle, but not the that guy we met, like a tortle that's a girl.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Period.

TRAVIS: Yeah, that's it.

MATT: I like that, a gortle.

SAM: So exactly the same as the guy, except long hair.

LAURA: No, no hair, but, like, a skirt.

MATT: There you go. Tortle Skirts.

LAURA: Because girls wear skirts, obviously, that's what girls do.

MATT: Jester needs to get out more.

LIAM: Tortles wear skorts.

TALIESIN: At some point there's going to be a healing spell.

MARISHA: I get back on top of Algar and I'm restraining him, pinning him down.

TALIESIN: Does anybody not need healing?

LIAM: Well, *Herr* Clay, do you need healing?

SAM: I don't.

MARISHA: I could use some healing.

LIAM: Yeah, what about yourself?

TALIESIN: Oh, I'm getting in on this.

LIAM: I could use some, I don't know if you are sharing?

LAURA: You could do a Prayer of Healing.

TALIESIN: That was what I've been doing, a Prayer of Healing.

LAURA: Oh really? We could both do Prayers of Healing.

TALIESIN: All right, so I'm doing everybody except Nott, and I'm adding Algar to this.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: I'm going to say I'm doing it, too, but I'm not really going to.

LIAM: On the count of three. One, two--

TALIESIN: That's 14 points to everybody.

LAURA: Dear Traveler, please heal everyone. Do you guys feel better?

MARISHA: I do actually, thank you. How many points?


SAM: Thanks Mr. Clay and Jester.

LAURA: You're welcome.

MATT: As the wave of healing divine energy emanates from Clay's focused point, Algar who's still being held against the wall by Beau, (gasping).

TRAVIS: I'll bring the tip of the falchion right under his chin. You know, before we begin, we got this thing about calling out, yelling, really sensitive eardrums, so let's not do that.

MARISHA: Also, before we begin, I want to make sure that you know how serious we are in getting honesty from you. I take his head and I go whack-whack into the wall.

TRAVIS: Back unconscious!

MARISHA: I'm going to do Extort Truth on him, spend a ki point.

MATT: Okay, all right.

MARISHA: He has to make a charisma saving throw.

MATT: That is 14.

MARISHA: 14 is the DC.

MATT: Okay, so he succeeds.

MARISHA: Fucking fuck!

MATT: You can try it again if you have another ki point.


MATT: Oh wait, no, let me see, I think he might be immune to it for the next 24 hours based on the ability.

MARISHA: What, to mine?

MATT: If he succeeds on it, yeah. I think so.

MARISHA: Well then, I go: I don't think you heard me. Whack-whack, and I'll try one more time.

MATT: Well, I'm going to double check here, but I think if he succeeds in the save he's immune to it for 24 hours. I could be wrong. Let me double check here.

SAM: Has it been 24 hours yet?

MATT: Yeah, you can wait 24 hours and then come back to it.

LIAM: Let's just sit here until it's Crash Pandas tomorrow.

TRAVIS: I'll lean over to Nott and say: Nott, do me a favor and make sure he's not carrying anything fancy in his pockets.

SAM: I'm going to rifle through all of his pockets with lightning speed agility of hand.

MATT: Make an investigation check, please.

SAM: Mm, not good. 12.

MATT: 12, okay. Rifling through his bits, you find 21 gold pieces, 45 silver pieces, two platinum pieces.

SAM: Great.

MATT: You find one empty glass vial, where a healing potion was used previously. A dagger, and a basic hand crossbow with five bolts.

SAM: All right, I'll take the gold and the bolts, and everything else I'll throw in a puddle.

MATT: Perfect.

LAURA: Does he have any pretty buttons?

SAM: Does he have any pretty buttons, Matthew?

MATT: He does, attached to the shirt, if you want to pluck them.

SAM: I will pluck the buttons.

MATT: There are six buttons.

SAM: Do I have to roll for each one?

MATT: No, you're fine. To Extort Truth, no, you can continue to try it if you want to.

MARISHA: I try it again.

LIAM: Spam it.

MARISHA: Whack, whack.

MATT: All right. With every more button pulled: (smack) Button. (smack) Button. You're teaming up on this regard.

MARISHA: Real serious.

MATT: Okay, that's a failure. That's a natural ten. Okay, you slam his head two more times and pinch an area underneath the bottom of the jaw. It causes his irises to swell for a little bit. He looks towards you, head lolling a little bit.

MARISHA: Now, you're going to answer all these nice man's questions, okay?

MATT: He doesn't answer, but you have his attention.

TRAVIS: What was your job down here, and why were you giving commands to that creature with this bracelet?

MATT: "It's my job. I was assigned as the supervisor of the Sluice Gate."

TRAVIS: Who do you report to?

MATT: "I report to the Clovis Concord. I was assigned here maybe a few months back from Port Zoon, but I largely, specifically, report to the Marquis and his associates."

TRAVIS: Marquis...

MARISHA: The Marquis, the...

MATT: "Marquis Ze Fuldan."

MARISHA: Oh, that guy, right? Lives in the palace guy?

TRAVIS: Yeah, not LePual.


TRAVIS: Demesne.

LIAM: Fjord, ask him if knowledge of that water creature that was here and is gone now, if that is known all the way to the top, or is it his bag, or--

TRAVIS: The creature that was here and the magic used to control him, is that something that you brought to the table, or was that a device given to you and known in the higher ranks of government?"

MATT: He's resisting answering.

MARISHA: I dig that finger into his pressure point a little harder.

MATT: Make an intimidation check with advantage because you have him affected with the Extort--

MARISHA: Oh, right, charisma. 11.

MATT: 11, okay. In his current position, he (grunting). "The Margrave and the Concord are aware. This is one of two cities that runs with one of these marid underneath."

TRAVIS: One of two cities?

MATT: "Yes."

TRAVIS: And the other would be?

MATT: "Port Damali."

TRAVIS: Right. What else do you do here in Nicodranas? What do you do to pass the time, Algar? I'm trying to decide whether or not to hand you over to this fearsome beast over here, and I point to (laughing) Caleb.

MATT: With the muscles popping?

LIAM: *Ja*, and I send Frumpkin, who's holding his breath schlooping up on top of his chest. He's hungry, and so am I.


MARISHA: It puts the lotion on its skin.

TRAVIS: I'll make you into a jacket.

MATT: "I drink and carouse, buy fine linens and furniture."

LAURA: That's good hobbies.

MATT: Yeah. You asked what he does with his spare time.

TRAVIS: You have any significant others in the city?

MATT: "None, really. I take companions. The Ruby is a very beautiful creature."

LAURA: Woo, Ruby! She's real hot.

TRAVIS: Agreed. I think we all know The Ruby of the Sea far and wide. Think she'd miss you if you went missing?

MATT: "A few more weeks of wooing her, yes."

MARISHA: No, that's not how that shit works, man.


MATT: There's a conflict inside where his masculine pride immediately hits with the hit to his ego that you just delivered.

TALIESIN: What were you doing down here?

MATT: "My job."

TALIESIN: What is your job, exactly?

MATT: "To maintain the Weave. To help exert my will on the creature that you just freed, so it can direct water towards the various furnaces that run a lot of the engines that help maintain some of the commerce here in the city."

LIAM: *Ja*, and what happens to the commerce in the city now that you have fucked that up?

MATT: "Oh, I fucked it up? Well, thanks to your interference here, they're probably going to have to re-network everything through analog means. That'll take weeks. It'll be expensive."

LAURA: Oh man, you're going to be in so much trouble.

TALIESIN: Especially, I imagine, if they start looking into everything you did with that kind of power. I mean, having access to that kind of creature, I can't imagine that you were on the up-and-up about everything you did.

TRAVIS: Especially if you start to admit that you did it all yourself. I'll use Mask of Many Faces to look just like him.

TALIESIN: People have got to have to start asking questions, serious questions.

MATT: You hear his head hit the stone once more. "Who the fuck are you?"

TRAVIS: (as Algar) Who the fuck are you?

MATT: Make an intimidation check with advantage.

MARISHA: So badass!


MATT: He looks down at his severed hand, the stump having now healed over from the healing power of your prayer. "Look, please, I don't want to die. I don't want to die down here. I don't want to wash up in the middle of the shore."

TRAVIS: You know what I'm feeling like, Beau? That I just need to get out of this city and never come back, go somewhere far away. I hold up also a stump, because my hand is missing. I need to go, in a boat, and just go.

MARISHA: Man, that sounds like a fine idea, Algar, doesn't it?

LIAM: Frumpkin starts to lovingly gnaw with his beak on the upper chin of Algar.

MATT: "That sounds like a great idea."

TRAVIS: Maybe a haircut, maybe a new name, too. What do you think?

MARISHA: Oh, man. You look like a Jorge.

TALIESIN: I'm going to pick up the severed hand and start casting Decompose on it, too.

SAM: I'm going to start backing up, shaking my head. You people are fucked up!

MATT: He nods. "Right, yeah, I'll go. I'll leave immediately. Just please let me go."

TRAVIS: All depends on how we decide to act as we get out of here. I'm sure you know a very safe way to the surface, yes?

MATT: "Same way I come in every day. Yeah, I'll show you out."

TRAVIS: Shall we?

LAURA: What do we do with him so nobody sees him?

SAM: Must have a bag or something.

TRAVIS: Just walk out with handless, bagged man?

LAURA: Hey, Yasha, what's in your bag you've been carrying?

MATT: It's not on her; it's up in the boat you guys had put in the water. She goes, "Mostly just blankets and gold."

LIAM: I have a cloak.

SAM: Yeah, we can wrap him up in a cloak and carry him out like we're carrying some equipment.

LAURA: Okay. I mean, (southern accent) Oh, all right. (whispering) Shit, I forgot to do the voice. How do you remember to do that all the time?

SAM: He doesn't, sometimes.

MARISHA: Algar, you're going to be very helpful when it comes to making sure Algar knows who to talk to and the right things to say to get us out, right?

MATT: "Right."

MARISHA: Oh, I'm sorry, Jorge.

MATT: "Jorge." He's still trying to pull away from the horrible, slow sucking of--

LIAM: No, it's a beak.

MATT: Oh, the tentacles wrapping around the neck, and there's a slight biting right there.

LAURA: I'm going to pull out my disguise kit and give him a nice little beard and a mustache. And an eye patch.

MATT: He sits there, held to the wall, being chewed on by a tiny octopus, for the next 30 minutes, while you roll-- Okay, roll for your disguise kit.

LAURA: I'm proficient with disguise, so I roll with advantage, because I'm--?

MATT: Not with advantage, but you get proficiency bonus, so roll a d20, add your dexterity modifier.

LAURA: Plus proficiency, 20.

MATT: Algar looks like a weirder uncle of Algar who could probably pass for a Jorge, sure, yeah. But he looks different, and is missing a hand, so it's definitely not Algar.

TRAVIS: Jorge, any traps, contraptions we should be aware of as we're heading out?

MATT: "No, no traps. There are some lockdown failsafes, but it's not much help at the moment."

TRAVIS: How far away is the other container for the other, I assume, creature under the same restraints we saw here? He mentioned going to free his compatriot?

LAURA: His partner in Port Damali, Fjord.

TRAVIS: Oh, I thought there were two under Nicodranas.

LAURA: I bet it's his partner in Port Damali.

MATT: He gives you a look that doesn't nod, but you can see from his recognition that you hit the nail on the head.

LAURA: See? The accent, it makes me smarter.

TRAVIS: I was okay with the rolling blackouts in Nicodranas, but two cities I feel a little worse about. A little worse. They'll figure it out.

MARISHA: The whole eastern seaboard is shut down.

TRAVIS: There's a mage tower that goes up and down. This place will be fine.

TALIESIN: They're over-investing in genie-based power systems.

MARISHA: Technology, yeah!

TRAVIS: Well, Jorge, why don't you show us the way out?

MATT: He looks to Beau to be let up, because he's still being pressed.

MARISHA: Oh, I know, it's so obnoxious when someone has their hands on you and you don't want it, isn't it? Okay, let's go.

MATT: He gets up. (grunts) Still looking over the missing hand and back at the rest of you, and begins to slump his way further down the hallway where they were heading to exit. You're following him down this path. He's using a small torch that he lit for light to make his way down here, and as he leads you through, it opens up into a few other small chambers that have some tables and chairs. There's a number of weapons, close-quarter smaller weapons for any combat that may take place in a tunnel. There's a small sketch with charcoal or some sort of a darker chalk on the wall that outlines the layout of the Sluice Weave for those that are coming in to see where they're trying to go and get to.

LIAM: I take a good long look at it.

LAURA: I draw a dick on it.

LIAM: Great, now I have to remember that as well.

MATT: Yeah, yeah, you do. It's part of it now.

TRAVIS: Pre-dick or post-dick?

LIAM: It's in. Is it in?

MATT: There you go. Eventually, he leads you to a spiral staircase that goes upwards. There are two sets of iron barred doors he has the keys to. He opens them, leads you in. You do notice on the way through there are a couple of archways leading from chamber to chamber where there are gated portcullis doorways that would collapse down. There are switches on the opposite side as a means of defense if things were to go wrong to back up. Once you have them under your control, he has no means of doing so, and you watch him very carefully. Heading up the spiral staircase, it leads you to a trap door that a stair leads up to. He pushes it open quietly, and it leads you into a small office. It's got a small desk, it's got a stool, it's got some odd stacks of paper, looks like there's a quill and an inkwell, a second unopened inkwell. There's some partially melted candles that aren't lit at the moment, and there is a door that exits. He unlocks that door.

TRAVIS: Just a moment. We're going to need those keys.

TALIESIN: I'm going to grab the ink, too.

LIAM: And rifle through the papers on the desk.

TRAVIS: Now, I'm sure it goes without saying that once you leave this place, if you yell, or act a fool in any way, we will tear you asunder before you can say "ow."

MATT: "I understand."

LIAM: Do you still look like him?


LAURA: Wait, wait, wait. Is this your office?

MATT: "This is my office, yeah."

LAURA: These people will know this is your office?

MATT: "The few that I work with, yes."

LAURA: Got it. Thank you. (southern accent) I mean, got it, thank you.

SAM: Caleb, did you find anything?

LIAM: I don't know, did I find anything?

MATT: Make an investigation check.

LIAM: *Ja*, okay. Ooh, ten.

MATT: You glance through quickly. A lot of it appears to be notes on repairs, on how best to organize the time that the marid has. There is an actual breakdown on how often it can summon elementals and control them. You find some things that talk about a marid defense of the city, meaning there is a plan in place that if ever the city were under attack from the sea, that it was one of their secret weapons to defend the city from ships. That's the most you can find. Those are all surface things that you see on the desk. The rest of it doesn't seem to make much sense or pertain to anything important to you.

LAURA: Jorge. Sorry.

TALIESIN: Go ahead. No.

LAURA: Are any of these-- (southern accent) Are any of these letters written by you?

MATT: “A few of them.” He points to a couple.

LAURA: I'm going to take one and study it.

LIAM: Are you right-handed or left-handed?

MARISHA: Well, now he's right-handed.

LIAM: But two hours ago, were you right-handed or left-handed?

MATT: "I was left-handed."


TRAVIS: That's a bitch.

SAM: He'll never play piano.

LAURA: Hey, I'm left-handed.

TALIESIN: I'm looking for anywhere where there might be a secret stash or something that looks off-kilter or a little odd in here, somewhere where he might be hiding something.

MATT: Make an investigation check.


MATT: Looks like an office.

TRAVIS: What do you guys think? I feel like I need to partake on this voyage *today*. Don't you think?


TRAVIS: Almost ASAFP? Right?

MARISHA: The weather's kind.

TRAVIS: It was a nice day earlier.

MARISHA: Seize the moment.

LAURA: Walk him out and make sure that he gets on the boat?

TRAVIS: You want to do that?

LAURA: Well, I got to write some shit in this office, but it's up to y'all.

SAM: Maybe Beau and myself could go?

MARISHA: Maybe our tortle friend here can leave a little note in your stead, says that you're moving on.

MATT: "That's fine."

MARISHA: Are there any favorite buzzwords of yours? Something that would sound like you?

SAM: How do you normally sign letters?

MARISHA: (laughing) A lodestar.

SAM: Are you a "Sincerely" person, or a "Love," "Love, Algar?"

MATT: His stare is far off in the distance. He is looking down the barrel of a gun and a complete shift in his life that he wasn't expecting to take immediately. His responses are very one-word and very, “No.”

TRAVIS: Shouldn't have been a dick.

SAM: Well, all right. I'm sure it's probably a "Sincerely."

LIAM: It's very sad. So sad that he had to sit down and write a letter about how he had to leave the city and how he had to free the creature beneath the city because it was so wrong--

LAURA: Don't tell him all those things. I totally plan on doing that shit. Get out of here before talking about--

LIAM: He's leaving.

LAURA: (teeth clenched) Get out!

MARISHA: Okay, we'll go. We'll meet up with you guys?

LAURA: Yeah, we'll see you back at the (mumble).

SAM: Sure, tortle.

MATT: You escort him to the wharf. As a sailor, you know specifically who to talk to to secure passage under the table. Where do you want to send him?

SAM: I don't know anything about the outside world. Where's far?


TRAVIS: Where?

LIAM: I was joking, I said Glintshore.

MATT: It's a good summer stay-away.

LIAM: Lay out on the glass.

LAURA: Somewhere in Tal'Dorei.

MARISHA: Yeah. Marquet is far. It's very far.

SAM: I heard a traveler talking about Whitestone.

TRAVIS: I don't think it has a shore.

SAM: I don't know, I just heard about it. I don't know anything about it.

MARISHA: There's Stilben. Which was on the coast?

MATT: Yeah, that's one of the major coastal cities on the eastern side of Tal'Dorei.

LIAM: I hear Opash has a sweet Airbnb on an island.

TRAVIS: Let's send him to Marquet.

MARISHA: Marquet! Marquet it is.

SAM: That's where Adella's going.

TRAVIS: There you go.

MATT: All right. Because it's a longer journey, it's a little more expensive, but you can secure passage for him to Marquet for, we'll say, 20 gold.

MARISHA: I'll sponsor that journey.


LAURA: Want to give him a little spending cash? Make sure he's not completely destitute when he gets there.

TALIESIN: That seems nice.

MARISHA: Did we take the money that was on him?

SAM: I may have taken the money that was on him.

TRAVIS: You want to put back one of those platinums?

SAM: Sure. Here you go, Jorge. Here's one platinum.

MATT: "This is very kind of you."

SAM: And five copper.

MATT: The beard's peeling a little bit. He's just staring at the coin in his palm.

TRAVIS: Let me get that part. (slap)

MARISHA: God, we're mean.

LAURA: He was a bad person. We didn't kill him.

TALIESIN: No, you let him live. That's really nice.

MARISHA: Thanks, Deuce.

SAM: We're going to try and take him to Adella or just any boat?

TRAVIS: Any boat.

MATT: Adella leaves in little under a week. You can secure passage today on a small ship that's heading back to Marquet. You send him off on his way. You wait another hour or so to make sure the ship disembarks and he doesn't abscond from the ship itself. You watch as it begins to make its way towards the horizon and you feel confident that he's not going to be coming back anytime soon.

TRAVIS: That ring of keys that he gave us: approximately how many keys are on that thing?

MATT: Eight.

LAURA: I need to write a letter about-- okay, what should I say? "I hate this city, I want everyone to suffer what I feel in my heart?"

LIAM: "I'm sick of you people pushing me around--"

LAURA: "I'm sick of all you people pushing me around, I'm freeing this djinn and I'm setting sail for another land." How about all of that?

TRAVIS: Yes. And, "I plan to betray all of the city's secrets to your foes if I ever return. It'll be very smart to kill me on sight."


LAURA: That's probably good.

LIAM: It's maybe-- it's gilding the lily, perhaps.

LAURA: Okay, well. What if I just write "Ha ha ha, I'm so glad you guys are going to suffer, I got away scot free."

LIAM: Lots of middle fingers, you'll never catch me alive, your city is shit.

SAM: "I'm going to burn all of my fellow guards with a large Fireball first."


LIAM: We can take care of the guards.

SAM: They're going find some charred bodies and stuff--

LAURA: If the djinn got away, then maybe the djinn did it.

LIAM: A water creature?

SAM: How'd that fire happen, though?

MATT: Here's a question. Did you dismiss your specter, or do you have a--

TRAVIS: I didn't dismiss it.

MATT: As you guys are--

MARISHA: It's just running around in terror.

MATT: As you're leaving the area, right behind you is this (ghostly groaning). What do you do with it?

TRAVIS: You mean as we go outside outside?

MATT: Yeah. It's following you.

TRAVIS: Go back inside the room!

MATT: You guys begin to watch as that same drowned specter is now coming back behind you (groaning)

TALIESIN: Oh god! I Turn Undead.

MATT: It turns right around and runs off a bit.

SAM: Wait. Turn Undead really just turns an undead around?

TALIESIN: Yes. It's Turn Undead.

MATT: It's frightened of him and runs away.

LIAM: It's like a remote control car that spins.

LAURA: Unless you're high enough level, and then it (pop).

TALIESIN: I'm not quite at the pop-it. It's too strong for me to pop, right?

MATT: Correct. It doesn't last a long while. A short time passes and it just--

LAURA: So I'm writing this letter? And I'm leaving it in his office, yeah?

LIAM: Yeah we're still in the office, are we not?

MARISHA: Technically *we* left. You three are here.

LIAM: While Jester is writing, I would like to flip this office for anything of value.

MATT: You already have.

LIAM: Oh, just the papers?

MATT: Well, you checked around for anything that would be interesting, so--

LIAM: Excellent.

TALIESIN: Well, I have a thought.

LAURA: What?

TALIESIN: What if he accidentally lost control of the creature and then ran--

MATT: (groaning noises)

TALIESIN: Ah! Turn Undead.


MATT: How many Channel Divinities can you do?

TALIESIN: I might be out. I was about to say-- don't I have-- I might be out.

MATT: I feel like you were out last time. We'll say you took a short rest, but-- It's wandered back in the chamber and it's looking at Fjord. (groaning)

TALIESIN: Oh yeah, no, I'm out.

LAURA: Do we have two Channel Divinities or just one at this level? Then I Turn Undead!

TALIESIN: Thank you.

MATT: Turns around and starts walking away.

MARISHA: I really feel like you could do something about this!

TALIESIN: Maybe he ran away because doesn't want to be held accountable for his actions?

LAURA: Oh, that's true. What do you guys think? Okay. Deuce has a really good idea. Maybe instead of we say, “Go fuck yourself,” and all of that, what if we say-- It's really strong, we have this version of his letter right here.

LIAM: Draft number two.

LAURA: Draft number two. "Oh no, I lost control of the genie, and now I am so scared I'm running away."

TALIESIN: He strikes me as the sort of person who doesn't want to be held responsible--

LIAM: If you were fleeing in terror, would you stop to write a letter?

TALIESIN: That might be his attempt to say, "I did this, I'm sorry, bye" kind of thing.

TRAVIS: Remember, we don't want anybody to like him when he comes back.

TALIESIN: Well, they're not, there are people dead down there.

MATT: (ghostly groaning) The specter returns as you guys are having this conversation.

LAURA: Ah! I can't do anything! I try to attack it.

MATT: All right. Go ahead and make an attack roll.

LAURA: I'll Sacred Flame him.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Do you guys remember in Tomb Raider 2 the butler that you had?

MATT: That's 12, so it takes damage. That's basically what this is!

LAURA: Oh! That's 11. 11 radiant damage.

MATT: 11 points of radiant damage. All right.

TALIESIN: Oh god, Sacred Flame.

MATT: Success.

TALIESIN: Three points.

MATT: It's not attacking anyone.

LAURA: Oh, it's not?

MATT: It's not assaulting you guys. It's just standing there and taking the hits and looking in pain. It keeps looking for Fjord.

TRAVIS: You can go.

MATT: It disperses into shadow and vanishes.

MARISHA: We're time jumping.

SAM: Me and Marisha are took Jorge to the docks with the promise that Fjord would come later and join us.

LIAM: But he was the one that had all the sailor tricks to get the boat!

MATT: This was me realizing that this is what would have happened earlier, so we're taking care of it now. Okay? Because this would have been following-- I forgot about the specter briefly earlier, and this would have happened.

TALIESIN: I like that just takes responsibility for everything that happened down there.

LAURA: I like it better when he's saying, "Fuck yourself."

TALIESIN: Oh, that's fair, too.

MATT: I appreciate that they've completely glossed over this scenario.

TALIESIN: That's very fair, yeah.

LAURA: I think we should stick with the go-fuck-yourself version and say "I intentionally--" he intentionally let him go, and he knew that he was going to fuck over the city and run.

LIAM: I agree with you, Jester, I think we should stick with “Go fuck yourself.”

LAURA: Okay. Sincerely--

SAM: I mean, I don't know if I'm really here right now, so.

MATT: We'll say that you guys are all together.

SAM: Okay, that sounds good.

TRAVIS: Christ, it's a letter; just fucking write it and send it.

LAURA: I'm leaving it in the office, Fjord.


LIAM: Maybe something like, choke upon your woe.

LAURA: Choke upon your woe!

LIAM: Or eat fecal matters.

LAURA: Or eat fecal matter, question mark? Signed Algar.


MATT: Go ahead and roll for your forgery kit.

LAURA: With proficiency.

MATT: With proficiency, so d20 plus-- I'll say this is for intelligence--

SAM: Do you want to look at the dodecahedron first?

LAURA: Oh yeah! I do, I do!

SAM: Before you write this letter, let's time jump again. Before you write the letter--

LAURA: I focus.

MATT: Okay, so you have a fragment of possibility.

LAURA: Depending on how I roll, I can roll again.

LIAM: Take a hit of the dodec.

LAURA: Ooh! That's dexterity plus proficiency?

MATT: I'm saying, because it's a forgery and it's having to pay attention to details, I'm going to say intellect. Intelligence.

LAURA: Really?

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: Did you roll twice?

LAURA: No, I didn't roll twice. Okay.

MATT: You don't have to roll twice. You don't have to spend it if you don't want it.

LAURA: Oh, I'm going to spend it, just in case. Proficiency bonus is just your initiative? Where's your proficiency?

MATT: Plus three, I think?

LAURA: So 22.

MATT: 22. Pretty good forgery. You're proud of yourself. It looks pretty spot-on based on his handwriting. You've followed his cadence, his sentence structure. His signature looks incredible.

SAM: The dicks look like his dicks.

TALIESIN: I'm impressed by the dicks, actually.

LAURA: Thank you, thank you. All right, I'm leaving this on his desk.

SAM: Should you put it on the door with like a dagger?


TALIESIN: With his dagger.

SAM: With his-- I left his dagger. Shit. I could go back down the hall and get it?

LAURA: No. I'll just maybe tape it.

SAM: I have extra daggers, do you want a dagger? I have three extra daggers.

TALIESIN: Oh, he had a quill, didn't he?

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: With a quill!

SAM: Yeah! Through the paper.

MATT: I'll say with your strength you can easily do so. It will break the quill, technically, but it still pierces it to the door. There you go.

LIAM: Angry writer.

LAURA: It's pretty threatening, it's a feather.

MATT: Cool, so the letter is complete and placed.

LAURA: Should we go down and escape the other way so nobody sees-- Oh, I guess you guys already left.

SAM: We already left. We're taking Jorge to the docks, right?

TRAVIS: No, we're all back together now.

SAM: Did we go to the docks?

MATT: Yes, we're-- Okay. This is my fault for forgetting one feature earlier and trying to fit it into the narrative here. Order of business! You arrived, you forged a letter--

LAURA: We forged it!

MATT: You saw a weird undead thing again that was following you and then Fjord made it go away with a hand wave. You then took Jorge to the docks and sent him on his way.

SAM: Great! Now where are we? On the docks?

MATT: You guys are near the docks, you've made your way out.

SAM: What do we do with Jorge? I'm kidding!


TRAVIS: Well, I feel like that kind of went about as well as it could have.


TALIESIN: I think I should go get the boat.


TALIESIN: I'm going to head towards where we anchored the boat.

MATT: Okay. It's still there floating. You can see there's one fisherman who's eyeing it curiously.

TALIESIN: I'm going to cast Calm Emotions on myself and go swim to the boat.

MATT: Okay. You go ahead and make your way out, get up on the side of it, and begin to row yourself back to the edge of the dock. There, not far away, is the old fisherman you had spoken to earlier that you had borrowed it from. You got your things out of it and he comes over and is like, "Well, I appreciate you bringing this back."

TALIESIN: It's no problem. I think I've had enough ocean for a while. That was--

MATT: "No such thing. No such thing!'"

TALIESIN: Have a good day!

MATT: "You too, tall one."

TRAVIS: What do we do now?

MARISHA: I turn around and I look at the city. Do I notice... commerce? Does it look like things are slowing down?

MATT: Make a perception check.

LIAM: Are we now Bane?

MARISHA: Well, that was a garbage roll. Seven. That's terrible.

MATT: It looks like the city. I mean, at this point in the day, it's getting a little later. The sky is starting to get a bit-- maybe the oranges of dusk are starting to peek in a little bit. You maybe have another hour or so of daylight.

MARISHA: Do I see Merpol anywhere?

MATT: Make a perception check.

TRAVIS: See who?

MARISHA: Merpol, that guy that I flirted with. 11.

MATT: Currently, no. You don't see him anywhere.

MARISHA: Thank god. All right.

SAM: We could go back to Jester's mom and report. We could go to that tower and investigate it.

TRAVIS: We could do both. SAM: We could.

TALIESIN: I'll admit, I'm a little tired.

LAURA: That's true. TALIESIN: It was a lot.

MARISHA: We also wanted to check in to... Did we want to try and be at the docks at midnight?

SAM: Oh, to meet Marius?

MARISHA: Yes. He hangs out at the docks at midnight, and does Marius know Sabian and Cadmus?

LIAM: That's unclear at this point, isn't it?

MATT: Yeah, you don't know.

LIAM: Do you have that letter, by the way? Who has that?

MARISHA: The letter?

LIAM: The letter that mentions Marius LePual.

LAURA: Is he there every midnight or just tonight midnight?

MARISHA: I don't know.

LAURA: Because if we wait until tomorrow, I can Zone of Truth him.

MARISHA: Orly said he likes to hang out around the docks at midnight to look for work or something.

LIAM: Caleb would've remembered that, too. I don't, though.

MATT: Yeah. I mean, occasionally he's out there looking for work. That's as much as Orly knew.

TRAVIS: Sabian was?

MATT: Marius.

MARISHA: Sabian we've heard about through Orly, right?

MATT: No, Sabian you heard about through Fjord.

MARISHA: Through what?


MARISHA: Yeah, but didn't we talk to like Captain Adella and someone else? Someone gave us the new news.

MATT: You got some information about Sabian, yes.

MARISHA: That they were doing the Widow's Embrace thing and that they're pirates.

MATT: Yeah, that was through Captain Adella.

MARISHA: That was through Adella, okay. Okay, okay, okay, sorry.

TRAVIS: Let's make our way back towards the...

MARISHA: Lavish Chateau.

TRAVIS: Yep. I've got to take more organized notes. Maybe we can stop by the fancy tower on the way back?

LIAM: I am very interested in that tower, but I would love to ask some more questions around town before assailing it.

TRAVIS: Sure. About what time is it?

MATT: It's close to dusk. About an hour of daylight left.

TRAVIS: Right, you said that.

SAM: Do we go towards the Lavish Chateau?

LAURA: Yeah, let's go tell Mama what we did!

SAM: Yeah!

MARISHA: We'll go to the Lavish Chateau and we'll just walk by the tower on our way back to give it another look-see.

MATT: Okay. It's a little bit of a roundabout walk, but you can do it. All right, so you make your way back to the Open Quay. Heading towards the tower, you can see, as you approach, based on whatever illusory enchantment finds your vision, you can see as it seems to grow the closer you get to it, to the point where it's massively towering when you're right below it. Still no sign of a door, at first glance. You still have the 20-foot-up or so balcony and a few other windows up that way. You can see the top two windows have, now that it's gotten darker, you can there's a little bit of a firelight glow at the very top of it.

LIAM: Have I ever read about anything like this? A building that seems to shift in size.

MATT: Make an arcana check.

LAURA: Can I look around and see if the city seems like it's being affected at all by the no power?

MATT: Make a perception check.

LIAM: Ten. MATT: Ten? You assume it's either some sort of spatial enchantment to it, or it's an illusion, maybe. That's as much as you can make out from it.

LIAM: Okay.

LAURA: (whispering) Natural 20.

MATT: Natural 20. The city doesn't appear to be heavily changed by any means--

LAURA: I think it's fine.

MATT: You do notice that, where previously there were some plumes of white smoke or steam that rose from certain, more industrial aspects of the city, are much thinner, appearing to be more residual columns of steam and smoke.

LAURA: Oh God, oh God, oh God.

SAM: We'll be fine.

TRAVIS: No bigs.

MATT: You're at the tower. The Tide Peak Tower. Anything you want to do?

TRAVIS: I'm tapped. I can't do anything.

SAM: You boys just wanted to come look at the tower again because you like it?


LIAM: Don't look at me.

MARISHA: I mean, kind of. We wanted to see if it changed, or if anything's different, or if we see a mysterious figure in a window.

SAM: There's no windows.

TRAVIS: It doesn't bother you that it grows taller as you get closer?

SAM: It's pretty freaky.

TRAVIS: No doors.

LIAM: Oh, it's fascinating. We learned that whoever owns this place owns the district, isn't that correct?

MATT: Yep.

LIAM: So someone in this district probably knows something about the person who owns the district.

MARISHA: It's Yussa Errenis, right?

MATT: Yussa Errenis.

SAM: Hey, Caleb!

LIAM: Yeah?

SAM: You memorized the map of the underground pathways, right?

LIAM: Correct.

SAM: Do any of them run under this tower?

LIAM: Well, there was no marking for a tower.

SAM: Using your spatial, Beautiful Mind techniques.

LIAM: No idea.

MATT: Make an intelligence check to see if you can overlay the memory of the sketch you saw with the location in the Quay.

LIAM: Just raw intelligence?

MATT: Yep.

LIAM: That is a 16.

MATT: 16. You feel like you've been able to take the two and map them together pretty well. Nothing passes directly beneath the tower, no. The Sluice isn't a wide network. It's a handful of deliberately placed tunnels to make their way towards specific parts of different districts.

LIAM: That diagram wasn't elaborate enough for me to know the answer to that.

MARISHA: Okay. Let's go to the Lavish Chateau?

SAM: Mm-hmm.

MATT: All right. By the time you make it to the Lavish Chateau, it is sunset. The last bit of light that vanishes over the horizon far over the ocean, the Lucidian Ocean in the distance. You make your way to the interior, where a number of folks have finally gathered. Maybe a handful, six or seven people, are already in there enjoying meals, having drinks. You know that there isn't a performance tonight, but people are in there enjoying the relatively, comparably classy atmosphere, as the familiar band plays their music. What do you want to do?

LAURA: I also used another Disguise Self spell to make sure I stay--

MATT: Good call.

LAURA: Tortley.

SAM: Are we just here to see your mom?

LAURA: Yeah, probably should tell her.

LIAM: I spiffed up my clothing again, as well.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: How do we get upstairs with you all tortley?

LAURA: Just go upstairs.

SAM: All right. Let's go upstairs.

LAURA: Okay, I go upstairs.

MATT: All right. You guys make your way up to the third flight. You missed him last time, but you come upon the familiar sight, to you, which was your mother's personal bodyguard for half of the time at the Chateau, Bluude.

LAURA: Bluude!

MATT: Which was also responsible at times to watch you and escort you when you went to the city. The rest of you are caught off-guard by the sight of this massive, dual-horned minotaur.

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

MATT: Wearing a very, very fine shirt, but is Donald Ducking it the rest of the way. Thankfully, relatively thick, thick fur down there. You'd have to pry to get a good look. But is standing there, arms crossed, and goes, "Oh, Jester!" He comes over and picks you up... Actually, no, he wouldn't recognize you because you're a tortle.

LAURA: Doesn't he know that I am Jester, still?

MATT: Probably not. Not unless you say anything.

LAURA: Bluude, it's me!

MATT: Now we go into the "Oh, Jester!" There we go, that's the moment.

LAURA: My tortle eyebrows are going like this.

MATT: Right, right.

LIAM: This one's name is Bluute?

LAURA: His name is Bluude.

LIAM: Not Bluute, but Bluude?

MATT: With a D.

LIAM: With a D, okay.

LAURA: We're here to see Mama.

MATT: "Of course, I assume that is the case." He knocks on the door. At that point, the door opens up a bit and peeking through is the Ruby of the Sea, Marion, whose hair is perfectly curled, even without an evening performance. She smiles at the sight of all of you at the door and looks curiously at the large skirt-faring tortle. "Hello?"

LAURA: Hi! Do you have company?

MATT: "Not at the moment, no."

LAURA: Can we come in and talk to you for just a second?

MATT: "Oh, Jester! Hi! Yeah, please, do come inside, everyone. Come on." You all make your way into the chamber.

LAURA: I'll drop the disguise spell once we're inside.

MATT: Okay. She shoos out her servants, and the door closes.

SAM: Oh! This is Yasha. Has she met Yasha?

LAURA: (whispering) This is Yasha.

MATT: She has not. She's like, "Oh, my goodness! It is so nice to meet you, Yasha." She shakes her hand and Yasha awkwardly, "Hi," and looks to the rest of you and leans towards the back wall and crosses her arms. Not one for social graces, necessarily, but seemingly looking at Marion, looking at Jester, looking at Marion, and can see the relation. Marion sits down in front of her mirror and her little table set up in the corner, spins back towards the rest of you. "Welcome back. There is no performance tonight, I apologize, but if you would like us to provide food for you or whatever you like, please, do not bother to let me know."

LAURA: You know that guy?

MATT: "There are a number of guys that I know, yes."

LAURA: The guy that was bugging you.

MATT: "Algar, yes."

LAURA: We went to go talk to him, but he had already left.

MATT: "He left?"

LAURA: Yes, he had fled the city, apparently. Things happened, they were real bad or something, I don't know.

MATT: "Huh. Well, that may very well be a great turn of luck in my benefit, definitely. Thank you for looking into that."

LAURA: Of course! Yeah, we were going to talk to him and everything, but he is gone, so...

MATT: " Well... that makes me feel more comfortable, thank you very much."

LAURA: Of course.

MATT: "I appreciate it."

LAURA: Do you guys want to eat anything?

(sounds of agreement)

MATT: "Very well! I will ensure that you are all properly taken care of this night." (clapping twice) She goes ahead and brings the servants back in. A meal is placed for the rest of you, and as the evening progresses, and you take a bit of time to rest--

MARISHA: Like a short rest?

MATT: Yeah, go ahead and take a short rest. You guys manage to enjoy probably one of the better meals you've had in a while.

SAM: Jester, why did you lie to your mom?


LAURA: Is my mom still in this room?

SAM: We're whispering, she can't hear us.

LAURA: Look, here's the thing--

MATT: You guys are eating downstairs. They're not bringing room service up into her chambers.

LIAM: Oh, so we're no longer with Marion?

MATT: Not at the moment, no.

LIAM: Okay.

LAURA: Look, I don't want her getting in trouble for anything that happened.

SAM: Why would she get in trouble? We did it.

LAURA: I don't know! The less she knows, the better! What if she found out something and she judged me for it because we did something bad?

SAM: What if she finds out you lied to her and judges you for that?

LAURA: She won't. Why would she find out?

LIAM: You know, I had the same thought. Really, either she believes Jester and no big deal, or she doesn't believe Jester and knows that it's taken care of.

SAM: You should never lie to your mother.

LAURA: Well, I usually don't. It's just to protect her. It is a white lie.

SAM: All right.

MATT: You hear the heavy footfalls of Bluude making his way down the stairs and goes and finds a corner just to keep an eye. Then Marion, now dressed in her casual evening gown, which in itself is still regal and beautiful and trails behind her up the stairs as she descends, comes to join you at the table and sits. She smiles at the rest of you and gives a renewed nod to Yasha, whom she just met. "Well, I am very happy to see that you've made a good group of friends, a travel family. Just warms my heart.



MATT: "Is everything all right?"


LAURA: Oh no, is it bad? What did I do? Was it bad?

SAM: You didn't do anything. No, this is very good.

LIAM: Jester feels like that perhaps she is imposing, bringing all of us here, and we are trying to convince her that that is silly.

MATT: "Not in the slightest! Jester, this is no imposition. I'm just happy to have you home for a bit."

LAURA: I'm happy to be home for a bit.

MATT: "How long do you intend to stay?"

LAURA: Oh, well, I don't know. We're here for Fjord, really, so it's up to him.

TRAVIS: That's not true, this is your home! It's where you're from.

LAURA: Weren't you trying to find out about the guys?

TRAVIS: Yeah, we have time.

LAURA: Fjord swallowed a ball, and it's inside of him now, and he doesn't know what's going on, so--

TRAVIS: We're going to tell the truth about that?

MATT: "I have a friend who had a similar problem years ago. If you would like, there is a physician we could have take a look at you and see if we can a way to no longer have that problem?"

MARISHA: Oh man, I want to hear that story.

TRAVIS: I would be glad to--

LAURA: Mama, it's not that kind of ball he swallowed.

SAM: You had a friend that swallowed a stone?

LIAM: *Frau* Lavorre, you have such a lovely daughter. She's so charming and such a spitfire. It has been such a pleasure to get to know her. I've been curious for weeks now, almost months-- I think it's been almost months-- what she was like as a child, because she's such a joy now.

MATT: "Ah, young Jester was rambunctious, curious, ever running off, getting into, well, trouble, and finding trouble, making trouble. For me, it was a joy. She was very quick to learn, ever smiling, brightening any chamber she walked into. She had a good sense for who needed to be taken down a peg."

LIAM: So she was always a prankster.

MATT: "Very much so, more so around adolescence, I think.

LAURA: Yeah, I guess so.

MATT: "But she has always been sweet, inspirational--"

LAURA: Very sweet, see? I am very sweet.

MATT: "Very proud of her."

MARISHA: Do you have any good embarrassing stories?

MATT: "Yes but not anything I can speak of in mixed company."

MARISHA: Are we in mixed company?

MATT: You guys are in the downstairs, in the main tavern area of the Chateau.

MARISHA: Right, right.

LAURA: I didn't get to come down here very much and eat with you. It's nice to be able to be here now.

MATT: "I agree."

LAURA: Shit. I'm not disguised, fuck. I need to remember to do this more.


SAM: Do you want to borrow my mask?

LAURA: Oh no. I have that other mask that I bought.

SAM: What mask?

LAURA: Remember the metal mask, that I bought when I was with you? I'm going to put it on.

SAM: Yeah, that's good dinner wear.

MATT: It's a big old cast iron tiki mask with giant tusks, oof. All right.

TRAVIS: With tiefling horns and tail coming out of it.

MATT: "Curious choice, but I understand probably for the best. There is not much of a mouth hole, so eating is going to be very difficult." Takes a little spoon and is like, "All right, here we go try to make it-- there it is. Perfect." You guys talk for a bit. She shares some embarrassing stories of Jester's childhood. Asks each of you a little bit about your story, and we'll say for the better part of the evening, it's an enjoyable respite from the chaos of the day and the chaos of the journey. Your blink dog has dried, as has your weasel.

MARISHA: Oh yeah! Can I go check on Professor Thaddeus?

MATT: You can, and as you go ahead and find-- there is a coat room, essentially, where the young man who had originally met you when you got there is inside. You can see him sitting in the back on a stool going like this. He's staring in the far way, and there's a coat rack where Professor Thaddeus is sitting on there, staring at him. As you enter the chamber--


MATT: "Oh, hey."

MARISHA: Is my bird okay?

MATT: You can see there's some scratches on his cheek. "Yeah, he's fine. Just watching him right there."

MARISHA: Uh-huh. You didn't traumatize him, did you?

MATT: I think not? Hard to feed these.

MARISHA: Yeah, I know. I grab the food that I just took from my plate and I'm like, "Thaddeus, come. Thaddeus?"

MATT: Roll an animal handling check.

MARISHA: Fuck me. Fucking animals. Why did I do this? Oh no. Six. Fuck that die.

TRAVIS: I'm going to have an owl.

MATT: He dives towards you and goes right over your shoulder and is now in the middle of the central tavern. (fluttering) The leather cord of his leash is now dangling as he's up in the rafters (hooting).

MARISHA: I can't control him, you guys. He has a mind of his own. He's a free person.

MATT: Everyone in the chamber's like-- there're people that are eating who are like, "What the--?" They're all staring up at this owl that has now found a brief perch up into the roof chamber.

MARISHA: "Oh, you've all seen an owl before, shut up!"

TRAVIS: I think they're worried about the-- (whistles)

MARISHA: It'll be fine.

LIAM: Caleb summons Frumpkin the octopus and I rub his head like a Bond villain, staring at Beau.

MATT: Squeaks like a balloon.

TALIESIN: I'm going to pull one of the beetles out of my staff and say, "Professor, you want a snack?" I hold it up.

MATT: You're holding the beetle?


MATT: Make an animal handling check.

SAM: Oh boy, there goes your finger.


MATT: Eventually, it dives down, snatches and-- a little prick on the finger from one of the talons-- but, eventually, makes a quick meal and heads back up.


SAM: What happens if we have to leave and the bird is still here?

LAURA: You can climb up. Yeah, you're a monk, you can climb up to the ceiling. Hey, Mama?

MATT: "Yes?"

LAURA: Will you watch my puppy? Well, it's me and Beau's puppy, really.


LAURA: Will you watch our puppy while we go out tonight?

MATT: "Of course. To be honest, I've been thinking about maybe having a pet, so this will be good training."

LAURA: Oh, really?

MATT: "Well, since you've been gone, you know."

MARISHA: How do you feel about owls?

SAM: And a weasel?

MATT: "They're interesting, definitely."

LAURA: Are you good with puppies? Because this one's kind of special.

MATT: "I imagine that it is-- how is it special? This sounds like a warning."

TRAVIS: (laughing) This sounds like a warning.

LAURA: Nugget. Poof!

SAM: Lift off your mask.

LAURA: Oh, thank you. Nugget, it's me. Poof!

MATT: (poof) It appears on your chest and catch it for a second. She's like, "Oh my."

LAURA: He blinks.

MATT: "That is as tricky as, perhaps, the daughter that I have."

LAURA: Aww. I'm going to tell Nugget to look at my Mama and say, blink to her right now, okay, for as long as we tell you to. That's home.

MATT: (panting)

LAURA: Mama, tell him you're home.

MATT: "You're home."

LAURA: No, tell him you are home. You are his home.

MATT: "Oh. I am your home."

LAURA: That's good, here. Be careful, he pees on things.

MATT: Immediately, she goes, "Heh," and pets him over the table.

SAM: You got rid of a dog, that's great!

LAURA: I didn't get rid of it.

SAM: Yeah, but we don't have to have him anymore, so that's good, right?

LAURA: He's still our dog.

SAM: All right.

LIAM: Perhaps Nugget could live here and you could visit him when you come home.

LAURA: Maybe.

SAM: The weasel and the owl?

LAURA: No, the weasel's staying with me. I know, it's such a temptation.

SAM: I know, I want to eat that weasel so bad!

MARISHA: Are we going to go down to the docks?

SAM: Yeah. Is it almost midnight?

MATT: Yeah, it's getting close. About 11, 11:20.


SAM: Let's go.


MATT: All right.

MARISHA: I try-- Professor Thaddeus! You want to come?

MATT: Make one more animal handling check.

MARISHA: Fuck me. Just come to me, you dick. Ooh, that's a natural 19. 22.

SAM: Whoa!

LAURA: See? He responds when you talk sternly.

MARISHA: Yeah! Fucking--

MATT: Eventually, seeing this command-- (flapping) comes to rest onto your wrist.

MARISHA: (excited breathing) I mean, that's fucking right.

LIAM: Third time's the charm.

MARISHA: Let's go.

SAM: He likes cursing, I guess.

TRAVIS: Is he coming with?

MARISHA: He's coming with us to the docks, I guess.

TRAVIS: Okay, yep. Good. We're inconspicuous with a big fucking horned owl on your arm.

MARISHA: Oh, we're trying to be inconspicuous?

SAM: No, it's fine. It'll be great. He'll be fine, he can see in the dark.

MARISHA: Right? Exactly.

TALIESIN: We can get you a tree costume, you'll fit right in.

LIAM: We're fucking Hermione Granger up in this shit.

LAURA: I put my hood up. I take the mask off, but I put my hood up.

MATT: Okay. You guys make your way through the streets heading towards where?


SAM: You know. *The docks*.

MATT: Yeah, well, there's the Restless Wharf and there's the Open Quay.

SAM: We were told maybe one of those?

MATT: The place that you had heard this information--

LIAM: Did Orly say specific docks?

TRAVIS: It was the Open Quay right? Was where he wanders at midnight?

MARISHA: We were at the Wayfarer's Cove. Which is in the Restless Wharf.

MATT: You didn't get any specifics, he just said near the docks, but you were in the Restless Wharf when you got this information.

LIAM: Yes. Yes.

MATT: All right. Who's helming a lookout?

TALIESIN: I'll do that.

SAM: I put up my hood as well.

LIAM: We've got lamplight on the streets to varying degree.

MATT: Yeah. There are torch poles set up towards the wharf that are giving a faint bit of light, but other than that, it's not a full moon, but it's mostly full and there's quite a bit of moonlight coming down over the dock. You can see it glittering across the water in the center of the harbor. There are a number of ships quietly set out in that vicinity. The star-clustered sky completely envelopes the air above you. It's a beautiful view. The closer you get to the docks, you can hear the sound of waves crashing from out of view, the creaking of wet wood filling the air as the docks shift and the number of boats that are currently moored to the center of the harbor creak from side to side as the water comes in. Every now and then, you see the slow glowing beam of the Lighthouse pass overhead about once a minute or so. It's a very slow moving, pulsing rhythm. Now ships of varying sizes sit across the dock spread, tied to their various posts, all seemingly lightless and lifeless in their slumber. There's no one doing any sort of evening work on these ships at this hour. You see a handful of zolezzo patrolling up and down the sides of the dock doing their rounds, no urgency or direction necessarily. Make a perception check, if you don't mind, Clay.

TALIESIN: That's a 26.

MATT: 26, jesus! Okay then. You--

LIAM: Wise as fuck.

MATT: You watch out for one of the westernmost docks of the district to see a shady figure darting between patrols. Watching as the zolezzo will pass and then use that moment to dart across the street and wait for the next zolezzo to pass and then make their way over to the edge of the wharf. You see them now ducking near a stack of empty shipping crates and they wait, every now and then glancing over when a zolezzo's not nearby or looking towards one of the darkened ships that is anchored towards one of the dock extensions, not that far from one of the docking cranes that's left still after an evening of offloading from one of the other ships.


LAURA: What do you see?

TALIESIN: I mean, it's pretty quiet. Other than that guy hiding over there by the shipping crates, there's really nothing to see.

LAURA: Is he blond? Is he a blond half-elf?

TALIESIN: It's really dark. I don't know. Other than that, there's nothing really happening.

LAURA: There's a guy darting.

SAM: Should I go dart after him?



TALIESIN: Are we playing darts?

LAURA: Wait, do you want-- Blessing of the Trickster!

SAM: Ah! What does that do?

LAURA: It gives you advantage on stealth checks!

SAM: Okay, great.

LIAM: Episode 30 something.

MATT: You do watch as a zolezzo holding one of their portable torches and a sheathed sword glances over in the direction of where that shady figure is. Steps towards it and holds the torch up and begins a soft call out. "Hello?" The shady figure stands up and approaches, hands open, smiling. Getting a better look, you do see finer elven features, a lighter, ashy hair that's short on the sides and flopped in the front who approaches, talks briefly. You can't really hear what they're saying, it's hushed, but puts something into the hands of the zolezzo. The zolezzo takes a moment, nods and then turns around and leaves his post.

TALIESIN: That's really useful information.



MATT: The figure goes and then darts back behind the crates once more and keeps looking over towards that one single ship that's about 35 or 40 feet from where he's sitting.

LAURA: I wonder what he's waiting for.

MARISHA: Yeah. Looks like someone that's waiting for a handoff if I've seen them.

TALIESIN: I wonder how much he paid to bribe the guard.

MARISHA: Apparently five gold is a great going rate.

LAURA: That's true. That's what we did.



SAM: Seeing as there's no guard, I'm going to dart over towards where he's hiding, but not right on him or anything, across the way.

MATT: Make a stealth check with advantage.

SAM: Ooh, that's a one. That's slightly better. Stealth? 17.

MATT: Okay. You make your way over to the side of the docks on the opposite end and there's a little step up from this edge of the street and you have a few buildings begin to give way. The road ends and there are bits of it that break off and fall off the short cliffs into the water. There's the docking crane to your left on a bigger piece of the dock that's out of the way, but it's blocking a lot of the view on this side. The ship that this figure is focused on and the crates that he's by on one side. You get to the other and keeping quiet. You don't think you've been noticed.

SAM: Mm-hmm. Okay.

MATT: Make a perception check.

SAM: Perception check. Nine.

MARISHA: Ooh. Nine.

SAM: Yes.

MATT: You're waiting. Not much else seems to be going on.

SAM: (nervous chuckle) Great. Well, I'm ready. For anything.

MATT: Okay. You just sit there and wait?

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: Okay. The rest of you doing anything?

LIAM: Yeah. While all that was happening I'm halfway through, as a ritual spell, casting Find Familiar so I can change Frumpkin to something else.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: I'll tell you in a minute.

MATT: Mmkay. You begin casting that. Caduceus, as this is happening, there are a few of those torch poles set up and there's one at each dock nexus. The one by that ship the light flickers out.

MARISHA: Motherfuckers.

TALIESIN: Well, that's a thing. You guys see that?


LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MATT: You don't see that, and you're not close enough to hear any of this. You see as a handful of figures seemed to have come out of that ship, walked across the gangplank and put that torchlight out.

TALIESIN: I think something's happening.

LAURA: What do the figures look like?

MATT: Make a perception check for you if you want to glance, or are you asking Caduceus?

LAURA: I want to look.

TRAVIS: Pass that 26.

LAURA: Yeah, right. I can't tell.

(phone beeping)

LIAM: Sorry, Laura.

LAURA: I got a 14. I can't really tell.

MATT: She can't make out details and even from this distance, you can't make out a bunch because they're all wearing either full cloaks or half cloaks that end right about just past the elbow. Hoods up. Not uniform. Patchwork in color and make, but they're all obscuring their features intentionally.

TALIESIN: They look like pirates.

TRAVIS: Should we go out and tell them we're bearing gifts and shit?

MARISHA: I was just thinking that. I think maybe a little bit of familiarity with some underground might help the situation.

TRAVIS: Yeah. Tell them we're bearing gifts and we want to see the captain, see what happens?


MARISHA: Okay. I'll go with you on that.

TRAVIS: All right.

MATT: Nott, you watch as the figure that's waiting stands up, out of the spot, looks around, looks that there's no zolezzo currently patrolling at the moment and begins now to step onto the dock and walk towards the figures on the ship.

SAM: Oh. I will trail behind.

MATT: Okay. Goes and approaches. The figures, there's now two that have stepped up to meet and you can see now there are a few more that are still in the ship that are watching from--

MARISHA: How big is this ship? Is it like a *ship* or like--?

MATT: It's a fair size. I'd say from tip to end, it's about 50 or so feet. Single sail, but a big sail.

MARISHA: Any iconography on the sail?

MATT: It's currently furled up. It looks like it's a ship that's designed for speed more than cargo, but it's a decent-sized ship.

SAM: The layout of the dock, is the front of the ship near the dock? Is it pulled up? Is it parallel parked?

MATT: The dock, as you're walking, continues forward and then it turns a little bit at an angle, and there are other ships that are docked. There's a smaller fishing ship on one side, there's a rowboat that's set off in the water there. It's facing towards you at an angle and is currently anchored at the edge of where the dock turns to the right. There is a gangplank set out between that and the dock where the figures are stepping up. They're meeting right where that gangplank is and where that torch was snuffed.

MARISHA: Hey, Fjord? You've got that fancy armor that helps you float. Do you think maybe you could get underneath the docks? Overhear something?

TRAVIS: Yeah, I like that. I'll run and-- staying a good distance in-- I'll drop off the docks under the water and start swimming.

MATT: All right. Go ahead and make a-- How do I want to do this?

SAM: That's your autobiography title!

MATT: There you go. I walked into that one. Make an acrobatics check for me, Fjord.

MARISHA: No splash, no splash! Ten points!


MATT: (splashing) The figures all of a sudden all stop and turn, as well as the one who was talking, and they all look in your direction.

LAURA: I use Thaumaturgy to make a dolphin sound.

MARISHA: Yes, yes! Yes, queen, yes!

SAM: Night dolphins!

LAURA: (chittering)

MATT: Thaumaturgy-- it's not so much an audio mimicry spell, but you can make certain sounds happen, so I'll say roll a performance check .

LAURA: Aww, seven.

MATT: (unconvincing dolphin chittering)


MATT: It seems to not assuage their fears and more make them more worried and curious as to what's happening. You watch as the two figures there start looking over towards the initial figure that you were following and are looking really aggressive towards them. The figure's hands are up and are like-- (stammering). There's this heated conversation going. The figures in the ship are getting things at the ready that you can't see, but it looks like they are very much on guard. The two that were talking, one of them grabs the scruff of the figure and holds him there, while the other one, blade drawn, begins to approach the edge of the dock where that noise came from.

MARISHA: I turn to Caleb and I go: There! I threw our engagement ring and our life and I fed it to the rabies dolphins! It's over, okay?! It's over!

MATT: Make a deception check.

LAURA: I like that your ring made a (loud splashing).

MATT: Make a deception check with disadvantage.

LIAM: Because Caleb is on the ground going--

MARISHA: Deception with disadvantage. Okay, 11.

MATT: As you give this display, the figure with the sword out that was looking for the edge of the water where Fjord was looks over at you and goes-- with the little bit of features you can see a chin, a scruffy beard poking out beneath the hood, still with the blade there, turns back, gives a hand motion towards the ship.

TRAVIS: I didn't even ask: how far is the water from the fucking dock? Five feet, or like 15 feet? Is it a tall dock?

MATT: Oh, it's about ten foot.

TRAVIS: Okay. Sweet, I can't even get out of this water if I wanted to.

MATT: You can climb up on the cliff if you need to.

LIAM: Also, has ten minutes gone by?

MATT: No. When you started this, everyone was going into the-- you're maybe three minutes.

LIAM: You didn't correct me, but I said while Nott was foofing around, so some time passed. Five, ten didn't, but you're the DM.

SAM: While this is all going on, I'm going to cast Message and send it to Caleb and say: There's something in the water! There's some argument happening. Something's going horribly wrong, Caleb. We should get out of here! You can respond to this message.

MARISHA: My mom was right! I never should have gotten involved with you.

LIAM: I know that I am so close to the end of the spell and I am going to push through.

MARISHA: Look, this is why! Every time I try to talk to you, you play with your toys.

MATT: The figure gets within 15 feet of where you're standing and says, "Hey! Piss off!"

MARISHA: Hey, you know what? You piss off, okay? I've had a rough day. I just wanted to be by myself near the ocean!

MATT: Closes his fist. Three arrows get loosed from the ship in your direction. That's a 14 to hit. Misses, I believe? That's a 19 to hit.


MATT: And another 19.


LAURA: Run away, Tracy.

MATT: That is seven points of damage.

MARISHA: I'm going to Deflect Missiles.

MATT: Go for it.

MARISHA: What do I have to roll for that? Hang on, sorry.

MATT: It's 1d10 plus your monk level, isn't it?

MARISHA: It's reaction, damage minus 1d10 plus my monk level. It just happens, right?

MATT: Yeah, you roll a d10 plus your monk level.

MARISHA: Right, but my monk level is--

MATT: Six.

MARISHA: Yeah, so I'm good. I'm going to spend a ki point to send it back at this guy. Yeah, this is happening.

SAM: I love that she was having a fight with her boyfriend with a giant owl on her shoulder.

MARISHA: He's my rock. He's the only one who understands me. Okay, I'm attacking. Natural 20.

MATT: Ooh, okay. Roll a d6 plus--

MARISHA: I thought I got a d10. It's whatever the bolt is, back at him.

MATT: Right, the arrow is a d6 plus your dexterity modifier.

MARISHA: Plus my dex?

MATT: I believe it's-- let me check the rules real fast.

MARISHA: Weapon damage, plus my dex.

MATT: Yeah, it's a d6 plus your dex.


MATT: Seven points of damage. You send one back, you hear (pained grunt), but at a pretty decent distance. The other one that hit you, that's eight points of damage.

MARISHA: Deflect Missiles.

MATT: That's a second ki point you spent.

MARISHA: No, it's only a ki point when I send it back.

MATT: Right, but you've already used one reaction, so you have to spend another ki point to get an additional reaction.

MARISHA: Got you. I will do that.

LAURA: Do you get ki points on short rests?

MARISHA: Yes, I do. It was seven damage, you said?

MATT: Eight points.

MARISHA: I take one point of damage.

MATT: One point of piercing damage.

MARISHA: I'm going to spend another ki point to send this one back, too.

MATT: Okay, go for it.


MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Ah! Eight damage.

MATT: Is this to the guy that already took an arrow, or to another? Because there were three of them that fired at you.

MARISHA: Two at the guy who's closest to me.

MATT: The same guy gets hit by both arrows. At this point, the guy who had given the order sees you do this and his hand comes down, gives a quick shout over his shoulder, "Come on! Take them out, they've seen too much!"

MARISHA: Hey, Caleb?

LIAM: *Ja*?

MARISHA: They don't think I'm a dumb, drunk bitch. It didn't work.

LIAM: Matt, before you run off for the thing, can you describe as Caleb shakes his head out of what he was doing, what do I see? I haven't paid attention to any of that.

MATT: That's what I'm about to show you.

LIAM: It's going to all be in front of me? I love this game.

TALIESIN: It's as if he knew that this would go horribly wrong.

MARISHA: That this was going to be bad. Sorry, guys. Sorry.

TRAVIS: I'm disappointed in us.

SAM: For what?

TRAVIS: That was the most flounder-fucky sneak up ever.

LIAM: Belly-flop, shitty dolphin, Masterpiece Theatre.

MARISHA: We had bad rolls on important things!

LIAM: Whoa! Holy fuck, this is the best map you've ever made!

TALIESIN: All worth it now!

LAURA: Oh my god, it's so cool.

ALL: Ooh!

MATT: That is the figure.

SAM: I feel like it's a misty night. It feels like a misty night, don't you think?

MATT: No, I think we're all right.

MARISHA: It feels like we should have figured this out.

LIAM: I assume Find Familiar has fizzled?

TRAVIS: We should have walked up and said, "We've come bearing gifts. Where is the captain?"

SAM: That was the first idea.

MARISHA: It was. Things started moving quickly.

SAM: Oh, man, this is so cool.

TALIESIN: This is so badass!

LAURA: I hope they don't kill Marius.

MARISHA: We could grab Marius and try and get the fuck out.

LIAM: It's a good thing we rested up and waited until the following night, though.

LAURA: Yeah, right? So good!

MATT: Fjord, you are in the water right there. Caduceus, Jester. Nott, you would have been hiding off to the other side of the dock here.

SAM: Ooh, look at me, well-positioned.

MATT: Caduceus, Jester?

TALIESIN: Were we down over there, or--?

LAURA: Yeah, hiding next to a building or something. Crouching down, observing, right?

MATT: You're keeping out of sight, best you can, to watch this. Yasha-- whoever wants to run Yasha-- is going to be with you guys as well.

TALIESIN: Do we have an iPad for that?

MATT: We will, because we're going to take a break before we jump into this, because it's nine o'clock. That'll give you guys a moment to figure your shit out. We'll be right back, here. For this giveaway, while we're gone, by Wyrmwood, we have here the-- oh, it's cherry wood! There's this nice little cherry wood piece here with the eastern sea of the Euphoros Peninsula, drawn by our awesome friend Deven Rue. This is the full dice tower and little dice box set. This will be going to one of you lucky winners out there. To enter this tonight-- where did I put the sheet of paper? There it is. Somewhere in the vicinity. (laughs) I was prepared and then it went away. Well, if I recall--

TRAVIS: Code word?

MATT: Yeah, my paper completely vanished. The code word is marid. M-A-R-I-D, marid. M-A-R-I-D. Head over to the Critical Role Twitch chat to enter. Enter it only once. Any more than that and you'll be disqualified. We'll come back with a winner here in a moment. See you guys in a second.



Part II[]

MATT: Welcome back. Before we jump back in, we have the winner. The winner is spraying_mantis. Spraying_mantis, congratulations, we'll get your information and get your Wyrmwood victorious gift out to you ASAP.

LIAM: Spraying_mantis would fit in at our table.

MATT: Yeah. I need you all to roll initiative, please.

SAM: Initiative! Roll for initiative!

TRAVIS: Do I roll for Yasha, too?

MATT: Yes, if you don't mind.

TALIESIN: I will roll. (shouting) No! No!

SAM: I'd better roll for Laura.

TALIESIN: You roll for Laura, because I shouldn't.

MARISHA: I'm going to add my boots.

MATT: What'd you roll for you? All right, starting at the top. 25 to 20?

TRAVIS: I rolled a natural 20.

MATT: Nice!

TRAVIS: (laughing) Yasha rolled a two.

SAM: Classic Ashley.

TRAVIS: This is weird.

MATT: 25 to 20? He's the only one? Okay. 20 to 15?


SAM: 16 here as well.

MATT: All right. Okay. 15 to ten?

LIAM: *Zwölf*. 12.

SAM: Jester has 13. This is Sparta!

LIAM: Madness!


MATT: What did Yasha roll, again?

TRAVIS: Two, plus whatever her initiative bonus is, which I don't know.

MARISHA: You, then Yasha?

TALIESIN: I was about to say, we don't have her iPad.

SAM: We'll just make her last.

MATT: I'd say it's a plus... let's say a plus seven to hit. You know the rules for rage.


MATT: We'll go with that. She does an additional... You should probably pull up the stuff. That was something that should've done during the break.

SAM: Yeah, we said we were going to do that during the break.

MATT: Well, you did not. Now you don't have Yasha's abilities. That's how it works out. Yasha will be doing some damage, if she gets there. All right, so, top of the round. Fjord, in the middle of this chaos now breaking, the arrows being flung, you are in the water and ten feet below the dock. What're you going to do?

TRAVIS: All right. I'm going to use my bonus action to use the single charge on Summer's Eve-- doesn't use a spell slot-- to Misty Step from my position in the water up to where Marius is.

MATT: All right.

SAM: Isn't Summer's Eve a douche?

MARISHA: Yes, it is. I wasn't going to--

TRAVIS: Summer's what? What's the name of the sword?

MARISHA: It's definitely for when your vajayjay itches.

MATT: Yeah, that's what it is. No, it's Summer's Dance.

TRAVIS: Summer's Dance!


TRAVIS: That's the best broadcast ever.

MARISHA: Sponsor us, Summer's Eve!

TRAVIS: Nope, it's Summer's Eve from now on.

LIAM: Tell us about your patron, Fjord.


MARISHA: He smells of lavender and vanilla.

TRAVIS: Oh my god, amazing.

MATT: I love it. What is the--

TRAVIS: 30 feet.

MATT: Well, I was going to say, the Misty Step, is it on a short rest or a long rest that it gets back?

TRAVIS: It is every short or long rest.

MATT: Gotcha, perfect.

TRAVIS: With my action, I will use Thunder Step. Well, I'll reach out and grab towards Marius and say, come with us, and cast Thunder Step. He has to be willing to come with.

MATT: All right, make a persuasion check with disadvantage.

TRAVIS: Oh, really?

MATT: Yeah! Because you literally showed up, ruined this whole deal he was about to make.

LIAM: Come on, Fjordy.

TRAVIS: That's a natural one.

LIAM: (groans)

MATT: He's not willing.

TRAVIS: Fair enough.

SAM: Is he the redhead there?

LIAM: Yes, he's puffy pants.

TRAVIS: Does it cancel out the spell or does it still happen and he just doesn't come with?

MATT: The spell still happens, he just doesn't come with.

TRAVIS: Well, that didn't work. I will--

LAURA: Can you talk to him before you Thunder Step back?

MATT: He tried.

TRAVIS: I did. I rolled a natural one. It was great. He didn't want to come.

TALIESIN: This is going great.

TRAVIS: Yep. Par for the fucking course.

LIAM: On brand.

TRAVIS: Can I make it over to this dock over here?

MATT: How long is the--

TRAVIS: 90 feet.

MATT: 90 feet? Most likely, yeah. You have to count it out. Yeah, easily, you can make it anywhere on that dock, pretty much.

TALIESIN: That's 90 nautical feet.

TRAVIS: That's 3d10 thunder damage. (counting) Eight points of thunder damage, woo.

MATT: Well, it doesn't kill Marius, that's good.

TRAVIS: That's good.

MATT: All right, so there's this blast, this loud thunderous sound, which may have gotten the attention of a nearby zolezzo or two.

SAM: Oh boy.

TRAVIS: Oh god. Where's the reset button?

LAURA: Where's the save point?

MARISHA: Yeah, can we load the latest save file?

TRAVIS: Can we reach in the SNES, push the game up and down?

MATT: There's none in view currently, so you don't know, it could be a while until one of them shows up. You get the sense that that was a loud noise, because it's a Thunder Step. That ends your turn?

TRAVIS: Oh yeah, you can hear it within 300 feet, so.

MATT: Yeah. That ends your turn. That brings us now to the bowmen. The bowmen, who--

TRAVIS: Right here, put me out of my misery.

MATT: No, actually. You showed up and made a (poof), but they don't know where you showed up. You just vanished out of sight.

TRAVIS: Because I was behind them, yeah.

MATT: They're all going to focus on... On the one they were already told to fire at, so they're all going to aim at Beau. That's going to be-- Actually, they had a hard time with you and you threw it back, so only one of them's going to fire on you. The other two are going to fire at Caleb. Against Beau, that is--

MARISHA: Can I try and like self-defense-- Defend Caleb?

SAM: Secret service?


MATT: 20 to hit.


LIAM: I think I cast Mage Armor before going down to the sloughs, but how much later is it? Is it beyond eight hours?

MATT: At this point it's midnight. You guys went there mid-afternoon, so it's been... Yeah, it's been past eight hours. That is four points of damage to you, Beauregard.

MARISHA: Zero points of damage to me.

MATT: All righty. Then two attacks against you Caleb.

MARISHA: I can't like--

MATT: Both are 15.

LIAM: Well, I'll cast Shield. So they miss.

MATT: They both splinter off of you, no issue.

LAURA: Who am I after in the initiative?

MATT: You are after Beau and Nott, then other characters go, and then your turn.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: They're going to go ahead and-- This guy's going to move up to the side here to get a better view of you. This guy's going to shift off to the side. This guy's going to move up to the top to get a better view as well. The one that's moving by is going to be like, "Quick, quick!" and he's like shouting down into the door that leads deeper into the ship underneath the ladder right there. That brings us to Beau and Nott's turn.

SAM: Take it away.

MARISHA: You want to try to take out this guy in front of me first, with your sneak attack, or do you want me to lean in on him?

SAM: I mean... this big guy?

MARISHA: The big guy that you're under.

SAM: I mean, I can certainly try. I don't want people to see me, but sure.

MARISHA: Well, I could try to take him out, if you want to try and go for someone else.

SAM: You do your thing first. You just do your thing first and I'll see where the chips fall. Also, Matt, which guy is our guy? The red?

LIAM: The red.

MATT: This guy is Marius.

MARISHA: I shouldn't try anything fancy, right?

LAURA: I think we should get the fuck out.

MATT: Beau, it's your turn. What are you doing?

MARISHA: I'm going to go up to this guy.

MATT: Right here? All right, so you rush up to him.

MARISHA: Uh-huh. I'm going to attack him.

MATT: Go for it. Roll for an attack.

MARISHA: I don't know what to do. 12.

MATT: 12 misses. You punch short. You swing and it hits, but it hits his heavy splint armor and hurts your knuckles a bit, and he takes it. Now that you're up in his face, you can see he's a big, imposing half-orc and currently looks to not feel very threatened by you. That was your first attack.

MARISHA: Hmm, going to try again.

TRAVIS: We are missing a long rest. We could just get the fuck out of here.

MARISHA: Yeah, but I don't know what I want to do, though. Waiting for everybody else to run. 17.

MATT: 17 just hits.

TRAVIS: *17* just hits.

SAM: Ooh, boy.

MARISHA: Fuck, I think I was actually using the wrong math on that last one, too, but that's okay. Okay, fuck me, six damage.

MATT: Six points of damage, all right.

MARISHA: I'm going to try to Stunning Strike him.

MATT: All right! That's a 17; 15 plus two on a constitution save. So Stunning Strike, no effect, unfortunately.

MARISHA: Cool, supes cool.

MATT: You still have your bonus action.

MARISHA: Yes, I do. I'm going to-- I can always disengage and run; I'm fast as fuck-- spend another ki point to do Patient Defense and hold my ground.

MATT: Okay. You got it.

MARISHA: Everyone else, please run.

MATT: Nott?

SAM: I'm going to look up above me and-- wait, he doesn't see me yet, I think?

MATT: As far as you know, he doesn't see you.

SAM: Okay, so I'm going to scuttle away from him across to that other box over there, across the dock there. And, as I'm running, I'll turn around and fire once at the big guy. Still sneak attack because Marisha's engaged, right?

MATT: Mm-hmm.

SAM: That is a 24 to hit!

MATT: That definitely hits. Go ahead and roll sneak attack damage.

SAM: Yeah! (counting) 21 points of damage!

MATT: 21 points of damage. You watch as he goes from this arrogant, watching you flounder in front of him as he takes the blows and keeps grinning, suddenly double over as the bolt is now deeply buried into his abdomen. Yeah, that was a pretty tough hit. He's hurt!

SAM: Then I will, bonus action, jump in that box--


SAM: --and hide.

MARISHA: Oh, that's so cute.

MATT: (laughs) Roll a stealth check.

MARISHA: Assassin's Creed.

SAM: Ooh. Oh, wait, that's better than I thought. It's 19. I'm wearing my thing, my hood. Do I get to roll again for stealth?

MATT: Yeah, you do.

LAURA: Oh, you already get advantage?

SAM: Still 19. Yes, you double-advantaged me.

LAURA: What a stupid...

MATT: (laughs) Now you know. All right, that ends your guys' go. It is now the Enforcers' turn.

SAM: *The Enforcer!*

MATT: One Enforcer comes out of the center of the ship and looks and sees this going. The guy up top goes, "Quick, burn it all!"

MARISHA: *What?*

MATT: This guy is going to go ahead and jump back down into the ship.

SAM: Burn it all? Ooh, they're carrying weed.


SAM: They think we're customs and they're going to burn it!

MATT: That Enforcer's going to pull out a hand crossbow and is going to go ahead and take a shot at you, since you're off in that way. Has disadvantage on the attack, but you're, right now--

TRAVIS: He does?

MATT: Because you're out of his range. He's going to go ahead and grab and pull Marius towards the gang plank. He's going to go ahead and fire at you. That's 15 to hit?

TRAVIS: Misses.

MATT: Misses, yeah. You (bash) with your shield. Ricochets off, no issue. That's going to be the end of the Enforcers' turn. Jester, you're up.

LAURA: Okay. Am I within 60 feet of this guy?

MATT: You look like you're-- it's close..

LAURA: Okay, I'm going to step forward a little bit. There, there... sure.

MATT: Okay. (counting) Yeah, he's within 60 feet.

LAURA: Okay I'm going to cast Hold Person at third level on both him and him.

MATT: All right. He-- the guy with Marius-- rolls a natural 17. The guy next to Beau rolls a natural three.

LAURA: Okay, well, he's paralyzed.

MATT: (singing) Paralyzed.

SAM: (singing) Para. Para. Paralyzed.

MATT: You are currently concentrating there. The big guy with the bolt in his stomach goes (groans) and his whole body locks up and you can see his eyes go wild as he glances down at you, unable to move at all. Does that finish your turn? You can keep moving the rest of your movement if you want to.

LAURA: I'm going to back up and try to get around that building if I can.

MATT: Around here, you mean?

LAURA: No, around the back of it.

MATT: Okay. (counting) 25, 30. That's as far as you can get with your movement. All right, that ends your go. That brings us to Caleb.

LIAM: Yeah, okay. I start moving my hand in an arcane motion and I reach back at that building over to my side there, and a crate full of food, a wooden crate, starts to jiggle and rockets through the air at the held fool in front of Beauregard. I'm casting Catapult at third level.

SAM: Food fight!


LIAM: He automatically fails his dex save because he is paralyzed. 5d8.

SAM: 5d8 fruit damage?!

MATT: Yep, from lobbing this stack of fruits and heavy wooden boxes into his head.

MARISHA: It was a drive-by fruiting.

LIAM: A couple things. 30 points of damage. That's a transmutation spell, so I can shuttle a little bit of arcane energy into my Transmuter's Stone, and I'm going to change its property from dark vision into advantage on concentration checks. I'm going to back the fuck up towards that house, as far as I can go.

SAM: Wow. Wizards.

MATT: All right. As the crates slam into him, the body rocks back for a minute, but is still holding itself in place. Right now there's splinters of wood sticking out of his armor, his jaw is all messed up. The hood gets blown back and you can see the grayish hair that's tangled and sea air-matted that is now streaked with blood from the impact. Bits of his face are covered in gore. He's looking pretty hurt.

MARISHA: This guy's real beefy, though.

MATT: He's also taken a rough round. This has not gone well.

MARISHA: Yeah, but we don't want to fight all of them.

MATT: All right, so Caleb, that ends your turn?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: It's now the captain's turn... who is paralyzed. His really, really cool round that he was going to do that was going to be really awesome doesn't happen because he's fighting against the spell. He's going to make his save.

SAM: Why do we have to run? Seems like we're winning.

TALIESIN: There's more of them.

SAM: They're burning marijuana.

MARISHA: What are they burning, though?

LAURA: We could've found out if we wouldn't have been stupid.

LIAM: There's five people we can see, one dude in the boat down below.

MATT: He's going to make a wisdom save to see if he can resist the--

SAM: There's like nine of us.

MATT: That's a 12. He did not save. He's still held.


MATT: All right. That brings us to Caduceus.

TALIESIN: Oh boy, that is a lot happening.

TRAVIS: Boil their flesh, Caduceus, let's go. Do it. Bring it.

TALIESIN: All right let's-- yeah, this'll be fun. That's all taken care of. I'm going to cast a Guiding Bolt, I guess?

MATT: Okay, towards?

TALIESIN: Towards the guy standing next to-- The guy standing next to Marius.

MATT: All right, go ahead and make the ranged attack roll. You're casting it at first level?

TALIESIN: First level.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: Yeah, that's a-- what is the ranged attack on that?

MATT: Guiding Bolt, I think, is 120 feet. I think it's pretty far.

TALIESIN: Yeah, no, it's very far. Just a ranged attack. 23 to hit.

MATT: Yeah, that'll hit.


MATT: He's only wearing leather armor.

TALIESIN: I'm at 51 hit points. I'm fine. Oh yeah, so that's-- where is that? 4d6, okay. Ooh! 15 points of damage.

MATT: Nice!

TALIESIN: Thank you.

MATT: The bolt hits him and you see now this vibrant glow as the impact-- the energy forms around his chest, creating this beacon. The next attack against that Enforcer right on the gangplank has advantage. He's pretty visibly hurt. He's not on his last legs or anything, but he's taken some wear and tear.

TALIESIN: I'm going to vanish.

SAM: You can do that?

TALIESIN: I can do that.

MATT: As a bonus action?

TALIESIN: I believe so. I'm double-checking. I can do Hidden Step as a bonus action.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: So many steps. Misty, hidden, thunder.

TALIESIN: I'm going to move off in that direction, if that's okay.

MATT: Full movement?

TALIESIN: Let's go full movement.

MATT: There? Okay, there you go. You are not visible at the moment. That finishes Caduceus' turn. Yasha's up.

TRAVIS: Yasha, seeing all these arrows fly at Beau, she would like to rage.

MATT: Understood.

TRAVIS: She will rush up next to Beau towards the half-orc captain.

LIAM: Sentinel babes.

MATT: Easy enough to do.

TRAVIS: Beautiful. She will make-- does she get two attacks?

MATT: She does. She gets two.

TRAVIS: Two reckless attacks against the half orc.

MATT: I mean, you can. Go for it. She has advantage on him, because he's paralyzed.

TRAVIS: Oh! Then we'll make it regular so that he doesn't get advantage back.

LAURA: Doesn't everybody get advantage on attacks against her, too? That would suck with the arrows.

TRAVIS: Only the person you attack.

LAURA: Oh, really?

MATT: No, reckless, any attacks against you.

TRAVIS: Any attacks against you.

MATT: Yeah. It's been a while since you've been reckless. It's fine.

TRAVIS: Been a while! That's a... 19?

MATT: That hits and that is an auto-crit because he's paralyzed.

TRAVIS: Ooh. The second one is a 12.

MATT: 12 does not hit. Unfortunately.

TRAVIS: She rolls-- what is it, 2d6, maybe?

LIAM: She's going to carve him like a Thanksgiving turkey.

MATT: Yeah, that's going to be bad for him. This is for the zealot. There we go. The first hit equals 1d6 plus half your-- okay, so it's 2d6 plus six damage.


MATT: The dice are doubled. Plus an additional d6.

TRAVIS: 18 plus six is 24, plus an additional d6.

MATT: That's doubled.

TRAVIS: That's two. What did I say?

MATT: 26, I think?


MATT: That's 28 plus six for her barbarian level. Yeah, she just eviscerates him.


MATT: Man. As he's there, frozen in place, Yasha's rushed up and cleaves right through his chest, and you watch as he folds into two pieces, both tumbling off into the water. There's now two halves of the orc floating in the water below.

TRAVIS: "You okay?"



MARISHA: Wow, Yasha. Man.

MATT: All right. Fjord, you're up.

LIAM: Another layer of insanity.

TRAVIS: Oh, it's me?

MARISHA: Just fucked my head even more.

TRAVIS: You know what? Fuck it. I'll use my last spell slot to cast Hypnotic Pattern. I will make it in the shape of the cat's eye sphere above the ship so that everyone can see it.

LAURA: What is that?

TRAVIS: It's brand new.

MATT: Yeah, that'll get-- you can't get everybody in the ship. You'd be missing either the guy at the front or the guy at the back. Which one do you want to--?

TRAVIS: I'll miss the guy at the back.

MATT: Okay, so the front, then. That's a wisdom saving throw.

TRAVIS: Yes. 15 is the save.

MATT: That is a 15. 13 plus two. The guy at the front resists. Next guy behind him: natural 16 plus two. He resists. The guy next to Marius fails, and Marius fails. You watch as both Marius and the Enforcer standing on the gangplank, their faces immediately go dull as they stare up at this-- what you see as nothing. You have no visual perspective on what's happening, but suddenly they both go slack-jawed and stand staring up in the air at this empty space.

TRAVIS: Yeah, they're incapacitated. Their speed is zero. But if they take damage or if someone else uses an action to shake the creature out of their stupor, then they (confused noises).

MARISHA: You just spiked their drinks, basically.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I've bascially Thundercat Ho'd the eye up into the--

MATT: Yeah, kind of. All right, so that's your action?


MATT: Anything with your movement?

TRAVIS: Nope, I'll come over here.

MATT: All right. You make your way to the edge of the dock right there. Perfect. All right, that ends your turn. It's now the bowmen's turn. Seeing you now casting the spell, making a ruckus on the dock nearby, all three of them turn to face you. This guy's going to go ahead and shift over and get a bit closer to the edge, and all three of them are going to fire at you, Fjord.

SAM: Oh no!

MARISHA: What if we commandeered the ship?

SAM: Yeah! Become pirates.

MATT: Natural 20 on the first hit.

MARISHA: What if we don't commandeer the ship?

TALIESIN: 25, 30. I'm within 30 feet of--

MATT: Of none of them.

TALIESIN: None of them? I've got to be them, not Fjord, right? Okay, never mind. I'll double-check.

MATT: Double-check that just in case. The next hit against you is 17 plus four.

TRAVIS: That hits. 17 is my armor class.

TALIESIN: Suffers a critical hit.

MATT: Oh, suffers? You can remove that. Okay, and that's a natural 17 plus four.


MATT: All three hit you. The crit is not a crit thanks to Caduceus. That's going to be six points of piercing damage, seven points of piercing damage, and seven points of piercing damage. (arrows impacting) They're going to go ahead and then use their movement to back up a bit back into the ship. This guy's going to duck below over here. They all duck low and they're all going to attempt to hide.

SAM: Nice. Smart kids.

MATT: Okay. You watch as they all disappear into the shadows of the ship's deck. You're uncertain where the bowmen are. That brings us to Beau and Nott.

MARISHA: Are we going in?

SAM: I guess?

LAURA: Just try to get Marius out, right?

SAM: I'm hiding still, so I'm going to pop up and shoot the guy next to Marius.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: That is a lot. 20-something. 24 to hit. Again.

MATT: 24 to hit? Yeah, that hits.

LAURA: Is it advantage because he's incapacitated?

MATT: Yeah, it's advantage to hit, so you can roll twice, sorry.

SAM: Same roll.

MATT: There you go.

SAM: Is it sneak attack?

MATT: Because he's not aware that you were there, and you were hidden? Yes.

SAM: Yeah. 20 points of damage.

MATT: Nice. He immediately breaks out of the stupor, glances over and looks at you, and he's hurt pretty bad. He's glancing over in your direction, looking at the rest of everyone there, seeing how things are shifting. Looking to his ship, he looks like he's planning something. What else are you going to do?

SAM: Bonus action. I'll shoot him again.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: Not as good. 17 to hit.

MATT: 17 to hit? That still hits.

SAM: Yeah. Eight more points of damage.

MATT: (death groans)


MATT: He tumbles forward over and falls into the water.

TRAVIS: Oh man, we might get lucky. Marius!

MATT: Marius, no!

SAM: Oh no, I shot the wrong guy!

MATT: Marius is still just standing there in the middle of the gangplank, looking upward, going-- All right.

MARISHA: How do we get Marius out?

SAM: I'll run towards Marius, but stop around that box.

MARISHA: Do you have a situation?

LAURA: Well, I was just thinking we could--

SAM: That's it.

MATT: Beau?

LAURA: What's his name? What's the guy-- Orly? Say Orly sent us and try to get out.

TRAVIS: If Marius is incapacitated.

MATT: They don't know that.

LAURA: Shake him out.

MATT: They don't know this ability.

SAM: Beau!

MARISHA: Okay. I'm going to run towards Marius.

MATT: All right. (counting)

MARISHA: Got 45 speed.

MATT: You're not quite adjacent-- you're not quite up to him, but you're ten feet away from him.

MARISHA: I have an extra five feet of movement. 45 speed.

MATT: 45 speed?


MATT: Oh, I thought it was 40.

MARISHA: I got that in my extra monk level when I leveled up.

SAM: (yelling) Oh no, you killed her!


TRAVIS: She slips on some slick dock wood and slides right into him.

MATT: It's a rough night out here in Nicodranas.


MATT: There we go.

TRAVIS: Fucking power plants are shutting down...

MATT: There you go. You're up on the gangplank with him now.

MARISHA: Can I grab him and tackle him down behind these barrels? Can I try and drag him back?

MATT: You can use your action to grapple, if you want to.

MARISHA: I do that.

MATT: Okay. Make an athletics check.

LIAM: Come on, monk. Come on, M! Aw, you didn't come on.

MARISHA: But like, why? Why are my rolls so garbage?

LAURA: Do you get advantage because he's incapacitated?

MARISHA: Do I get advantage because he's incapacitated?

MATT: No, it doesn't matter; you have him. I just wanted to see you roll. He's not fighting at all. He's literally just standing there going-- you grab him.

TRAVIS: I just wanted to see you roll!

MARISHA: Fucker. Okay, I grab him. Can I use my bonus action to try and drag him back?

MATT: Do you have a ki point?

MARISHA: I do. Can I do Step of the Wind and then fucking move him back?

MATT: You can. You have to pull him back at half speed, but yeah.

MARISHA: Yeah. I'm going to come up behind him and grapple him and put my staff around his throat, making eye contact with everybody else.

SAM: We're friends! (choking)

MARISHA: Yeah. I back up.

MATT: I'll say that knocks him out of his stupor.

MARISHA: Well. You know, okay.

MATT: When you're choking him and forcing to pull him backwards--

MARISHA: Well, you said grapple.

MATT: Yeah. But grapple by putting your staff into his throat and pulling him backwards--

LAURA: It's different.

SAM: It's a pretty harsh grapple.

LIAM: Pretty harsh woman.

LAURA: She's a harsh girl.

MATT: You've pulled Marius back.

MARISHA: Not a subtle person.

LIAM: Whatever Mama wants, Mama gets.

MARISHA: That's my turn. I've got Marius!

MATT: All right, that finishes Beau's turn. That finishes Nott's turn, now it's the Enforcers' turn. One Enforcer fell over, keeled over, dead. The other one is going to step back out from the inside for a second. He's carrying a heavy crossbow that he has wrenched back. Pulls it up and is going to spin and-- the first person he sees coming out of there is probably going to be you, Beau, because you are the one who's grabbing him and pulling him off the gangplank as he steps out and looks and sees you.

MARISHA: Do I have three-quarters cover? Because I'm using him as a human shield?

MATT: I'd say you have half cover because of the boxes that you've pulled up behind. Unless you want to use him as a human shield? That's up to you.

SAM: We're here to save you! Oh god! Block his arrow for me!

TALIESIN: Everyone has to pull their weight, man.

MATT: He gets two shots. Natural 20 and a 17, which I don't think hits, right?

MARISHA: Misses.

MATT: Yep. That is 20 points of piercing damage.

MARISHA: Do I get deflect missiles?

MATT: You have a reaction still, right?

MARISHA: Yes I do. Okay, 15.

MATT: You take nine points-- 15?

MARISHA: Yeah. Five plus my monk level plus dexterity, right?

MATT: Is that how much it reduces it by, total?

LIAM: Just look through our 2,000 rules here, wait a second.

MATT: I know, that's fine.

MARISHA: Oh, and it's also a 1d10; I just rolled a 1d8.

MATT: Okay, reroll. 1d10 plus your monk level plus your dexterity?

MARISHA: Right. See, this is old, but it's-- or is it my proficiency bonus?

MATT: No, it's monk level and dexterity, you're right. You totally got it, go for it.

MARISHA: Okay, I'm not a crazy person. It's not as good, but 13.

MATT: All right, you take seven points of piercing damage. That ends that. That brings us to Caleb. No sorry, Jester, you're up first, then Caleb.

MARISHA: Jester, help.

LAURA: Okay, you're right. Are you hurting?

MARISHA: No, I'm just-- I mean, I'm not-- I'm okay.

LAURA: I guess-- this is really hard.

MARISHA: Any assistance getting Marius out?

LAURA: I don't have anything that's going to help get him out that I can think of.

MARISHA: Yeah, if you keep them away, Yasha and I can make it work.

LAURA: Okay, I'm going to cast-- fuck. I'll move forward-- well, yeah, to be closer to Beau, and I'm going to cast-- fuck it-- Sanctuary.

MATT: On Beau?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: All righty.

SAM: (like Laura) Yeah.

LIAM: Do you resurrect him? I guess.

LAURA: Yeah, Sanctuary on Beau, so anybody that makes an attack against her has to either-- whatever, you know the spell. Then I'm going to-- sorry, that's a bonus action.

SAM: Eeyore casts it.

MATT: I know, seriously.

SAM: (as Eeyore) You know, anyone who tries to kill her can.

LAURA: I'm freaking out! I don't know what to do!

LIAM: (as Eeyore) It doesn't matter anyway.

SAM: (as Eeyore) We're all going to die in the end.

LAURA: Then I'm going to cast Sacred Flame at-- can I see anybody on the boat?

MATT: Right now, you can see one guy on the boat.

LAURA: I guess I'm going to try to hit him.

MATT: What's the range on Sacred Flame?

LAURA: 60 feet.

MATT: He gets a what save? Is it constitution or is it wisdom?

LAURA: A dex.

MATT: Oh, a dex. That would be 13; that's a failure.

TRAVIS: Sacred Flame making it through!

LAURA: Woo! Six points of damage. Yeah, Hold Person, that was a good one.

LIAM: Yes, it was. That was a good move.

MATT: It's all good. It was a good move.

LAURA: Then I'm going to use the rest of my movement to go back to where I was.

MATT: That's as far as you go. You used the rest of your movement to get up to that point.

LAURA: Cool.

MATT: That ends your go. Caleb, you're up.

LIAM: Okay, so factoring in a couple of things. One is that I see my friend Beauregard getting hammered on by them, which I do not like. Also, I heard some voice from the boat yell out, "Burn it," so out comes the bat guano and sulfur, and slap, and a beam rockets out, 150-foot range, to about here, and erupts.

TRAVIS: Please be shipping black powder.

TRAVIS and MARISHA: (explosions)

SAM: We're killing everyone on the boat. We don't even know who they are!

TRAVIS: Who gives a shit? They deserve to die!

MATT: This is not a moral group by any stretch of the imagination. They're getting better than they used to be, but man.

LIAM: Yeah, Vox Machina is gone. The point is to get it to a range where I know that it's not going to affect them on the dock. It's going to hit the boat.

MATT: You're getting the boat in this, too? All right. Let's do it.

SAM: To get the people, yeah, you've got to get the boat.

LIAM: Yeah, absolutely. What am I, a surgeon? I have a 3rd-level spell because I used arcane recovery back at the chateau.

MATT: Okay. Specify that next time, but sure, go for it. I know you would.

LIAM: I also took a poop while at the chateau, but I thought I didn't--

MATT: I know, that's fine.

TRAVIS: I hope there's nobody important in the bow of the ship.

TALIESIN: There's so many things that could be going horribly wrong right now.

MARISHA: Yeah. A bunch of refugees wanting safe passage.

SAM: Don't worry, Sabian is hanging out below decks.

LAURA: Is there any way to see what the name of that ship is? Is it on the side of the ship at all?

MATT: You'd have to spend an action to look for it. The name would be towards the back, and it's facing away from you.

TRAVIS: He would've painted that shit on there. I don't see it in there.

MARISHA: Everywhere, on every panel.

LIAM: 27.

MATT: The Enforcer fails, so he takes the full 27. Success, success, and failure.

LIAM: I will use my movement to step around the corner of the house and I will begin to count to 20 slowly in Zemnian to calm my nerves.

MATT: You move behind here. I'm going to roll a saving throw for the ship's sails. Not bad. The sails do not catch fire. They're charred a little bit from underneath, but the ship isn't now suddenly a giant burning torchlight beacon in the middle of the fucking harbor.

LIAM: I don't know if Caleb is a firebug, or if I am.

MATT: I know. I respect that.

MARISHA: I think it's you?

TRAVIS: Hey man, if you've got Fireball.

MATT: That ends Caleb's go. Captain's dead. Caduceus, you're up.

SAM: All the human cargo is dead.

LIAM: They're still standing.

SAM: No, the slaves that were below deck.

LIAM: The guy came out and said, "Burn all the slaves"?

LAURA: No, they said, "Burn it all."

TALIESIN: Yeah, I'm going to throw a Healing Word at Beau, and I'm going to start getting out of here. I want to cast Healing Word. It's not a lot. No, it's 60 feet.

MATT: Yeah, you're within range.

TALIESIN: That's nice; it's eight points.

MATT: There you go, eight points to Beau.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I'm going to start booking out of here.

MATT: Where're you going?

TALIESIN: I'm heading back around the way I assume everyone else is going. Yeah, that way.

MATT: Okay. There's Caduceus. Finishing your go. Yasha's up.

TRAVIS: Yasha's going to rush up and aid Beau in trying to pull Marius towards the docks.

MATT: Okay. If she wants to, she can attempt to grapple and then pull him out of Beau's grip, or we can say she holds her action and then-- it gets a little weird, because it's-- movement is what you pull him out of the way.

TRAVIS: Would it help make full speed when it comes back to Beau's turn if she's assisting? Can they double pull?

MARISHA: Can she go, and then I assist on my turn?

MATT: I'll allow it.

TRAVIS: Yeah. I guess do you want me to roll to grapple?

MATT: Yes, because he is resisting amongst her grapple as well, and it's harder to do that.

TRAVIS: 15 plus her natural strength.

MATT: Yeah. All right, now it's Marius's turn. He's going to attempt to break free, now that he's full of mind and he's freaking out. "What's he-- what's going--?" Make an acrobatics check against your athletics. Technically, since you're both grappling, either you or Yasha can make the check, and it's with advantage, I'll say, because you're both holding.

TRAVIS: God, it's an athletics check? What's her athletics?

MATT: Strength is plus three and it would be at plus six, probably.

MARISHA: I'll do mine, since mine's also a plus six.

MATT: All right, go for it.

TRAVIS and LIAM: Get it, girl.

MATT: Oh, he almost rolled really high.

LIAM: Oh! Those are two bad dice rolls.

MARISHA: 11 total.

MATT: He does still manage to break free! Yay!

SAM: Something's going well for Matt.

MATT: He's going to run.

MARISHA: Motherfucking piece of shit. Why would you do that?

LAURA: Seriously? They had a dagger to your throat, you dick.

SAM: The ship's on fire.

MATT: The ship's not on fire, but he has no reason to trust any of you and was meeting with these people. If he's going to choose between the two, he's going to step into the ship there. He's like, (panting), gets down low, and is hiding. But you know right where he is. That brings us to the top of the round. Fjord, your turn.

SAM: No problem, we got this.

LIAM: Fjord pulls out the big guns. Master plan, here it is.

TRAVIS: Yep. I'm going to run over here.

MARISHA: We worked so hard to get him that far.

TRAVIS: (counting) I'm going to stand out here and I'll unleash two Eldritch Blasts at this Enforcer.

MATT: At that guy? You can look and see now: he is not the Enforcer that went below deck previously. He's dressed similarly, but now that you get a better look at this view in the light, he's somebody else. There is still one person down in the ship.

TRAVIS: (quietly) Awesome, great, good stuff. (louder) That's a 20.

MATT: That hits.


MATT: That hits. Roll damage.

TRAVIS: Oh, nice, okay.

MATT: Yeah, he has leather armor. His AC is 11; he's pretty easy to hit.

TRAVIS: 11 points of damage on the first one and ten points of damage on the second, so 22 total.

MATT: Ooh, that'll do it. Both blasts take him down. The attrition is not working well in his favor.

LAURA: (inaudible)

SAM: Why don't we say that?

LAURA: (whispering) Because I'm not up there, and no one else is remembering.

TRAVIS: What, that “we come bearing gifts”?

LAURA: “The Captain” is what we're supposed to say.

MARISHA: It feels like we're really in battle now.

MATT: Caduceus, you do hear-- a ways away, not here yet, but you do hear some voices and footfalls, armored footfalls. You get the sense that zolezzo are on their way.

TALIESIN: Guys, we're going to have problems soon. We should probably get out of here.

MATT: He will say on his turn when he gets there.

TALIESIN: Oh no, that's right, I'm not there yet.

MATT: The bowmen now, who've been hidden below the deck and have endured the Fireball, two of them are going to, from their positions, stand up, and they're going to take shots at you. (arrows firing) They have advantage on both because they were hidden from you. That is a 19 to hit?


MATT: Second one, that's cocked. Advantage. That is a 20 to hit.

TRAVIS: It hits. Punish me for this horrible fucking crap.

MATT: They have sneak attack because they were hidden from you. 29 points of piercing damage, from those two hits.

LAURA: Are you still up?

TRAVIS: Oh yeah.

MATT: The third goes and unfurls the sail and pulls the rope, and it begins to unroll. A little bit of wind is blowing. It opens up a bit.

LAURA: Do we see the sail? Does it have any markings on it?

MATT: No, it is fairly plain. You get the sense that they're now looking for a way to get out of here. Ships aren't the fastest when it comes to exits, but they're trying. That brings us to Beau and Nott.

TRAVIS: Let them go. What the fuck are we going to do? Run and jump on the goddamn boat?

MARISHA: I was about to do that, yeah.

MATT: At the end of their turn, these guys are going to move back as well, and attempt to hide again.

LIAM: Fuck yeah.

TRAVIS: Alright, sure, go for it.

LAURA: What? You don't know how many people are on that boat! Oh my god.

MATT: They're not very good at hiding, though. (laughs) They rolled really bad. All three of them. At once. A one, a three, and a four.

TALIESIN: It's a shame they never roll that way when they're attacking.

MATT: That's funny. You see them duck down but they're all pulling out their arrow and nocking it into the bow, and you can see exactly where they're hidden. What's the plan, Beau and Nott?

LIAM: Bone it.

TRAVIS: Do what you were going to do. Do it!

MARISHA: You go first.

TRAVIS: Do it!

MARISHA: Are you going to go for the sail? You could go for the sail, potentially.

SAM: Thought about that.

MARISHA: If you could start it, I could maybe rip it. I don't know, I'm spitballing here. I don't know what to do.

MATT: Make your choices, guys.

SAM: We've got two bowmen. Who's the guy in black over there? The Enforcer who came up?

MATT: No, the Enforcer's dead. Fjord just blew him up on the side. There's now only three bowmen on the deck, and they're all hurt really badly from the fireball explosion, and they all think they're hidden but they're not.

TRAVIS: Go ahead and fuck them up, man. Go for it.

SAM: I'll-- shit, I want to use my sneak attack. I will bonus action hide and then, from my hidden position, I will shoot.

MATT: Move around the side? All right. Against which one?

SAM: The guy in black over there.

MATT: Go for it. Roll for attack, with advantage because he does not see you.

SAM: Oh, nice. That's a 23.

MATT: Yeah, that hits, so go ahead and roll damage. With sneak attack.

SAM: That was a good roll.

TALIESIN: Oh, that's mean.

SAM: 23 points of damage.

MATT: The impact hits him and he falls back and hits the edge of the ship, and then tumbles over and splooshes into the water behind. You hear no noise.

SAM: I will use any movement to emerge from my hidden position and move up a bit, to behind those barrels, maybe, so I have a little cover.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Okay, I'm going to run up and go after these two bowmen, I guess. Fuck me, what am I doing?

TRAVIS: We're all going to die.

MATT: You rush, running across the gangplank. As soon as you come to the edge you look down, and there's one of the guys who's about to turn with his bow and goes (gasp) and sees you--

MARISHA: I just roundhouse him to the face.

MATT: Go for it, roll for an attack.

MARISHA: Motherfucker! Ten.

MATT: Ten misses. You go and kick, and the water on the slcik deck makes you slip. You catch yourself and don't tumble off the side--

SAM: You got to wear boat shoes!

MARISHA: I haven't rolled above a five all night. Okay! 24. No, 23.

MATT: That hits. You go for one roundhouse and slip, using the momentum you spin with a lower circle kick, like a sweep kick, which is about head level with him.

MARISHA: Eight damage.

MATT: Eight points of damage? That'll do it. The bowmen don't have a lot of hit points.

SAM: They've been burned badly.

MATT: He (groan) and then falls unconscious onto the deck of the ship.

MARISHA: Do I have enough-- can I get the other guy?

MATT: You do have enough movement, you have 15 feet more, so you leap down onto his crumpled unconscious body, and his other friend is going to pull back to try and take a shot while he's backing up towards the back portion of the ship.

MARISHA: I go: Melee range, you can't do it! And then a 19?

MATT: That'll hit. Go ahead and roll damage.

MARISHA: Big money. Okay! Nine. Die! Die!

MATT: You (impact sound), and he falls unconscious onto the ground.

MARISHA: I turn to Marius and I say "The Gentleman sent us? Gentleman? You a Gentleman?"

MATT: He's like (startled gasping). Make a persuasion check.

MARISHA: Really?

MATT: Yeah!

TRAVIS: We need to get onto the boat and get out of here.

MATT: You just killed or beat unconscious the guys he was coming to meet.

LIAM: We just flip this. We're going to jack this fucking boat and get out of here.


MATT: Seven? He right now is looking panicked, and the words aren't coming through. He thinks maybe you're calling him a gentleman. He's like (panicked noises), and he's backing away from you.

LIAM: Ladies and gentlemen.


MATT: All right, that ends Beau and Nott's turn.

LIAM: Life is disappointing, eh?

MATT: You do hear what sounds like some movement. The door is partially open to the cabin below and there is light coming from the inside, some sort of lantern light. You hear things being moved around.

MARISHA: Can I stand on top of the door? Do I have enough movement to do that?

MATT: You have five more feet to get to the door and look beneath but you don't see anything yet.

MARISHA: I want to tamp it down, stand my full weight on top of it.

MATT: Well, the door is on the side, so you'd have to put your weight against it, yeah.


MATT: You're up against the door. That brings us to Jester.

LAURA: Are we trying to get back on the boat now?


SAM: Maybe?


LAURA: Okay, I guess I'm going to-- fucking, like an asshole, run towards the boat. God, this is so dumb. I run towards the boat, but I'm going to-- as far as I can.

SAM: Where are you?

LIAM: Way far away.

SAM: We're going to have to fucking wait ten minutes--

MATT: You can make an action to dash if you want to get there and do nothing else.

LAURA: How hurt are you?

TRAVIS: I'm fine.

TALIESIN: You've got me too. I'm still spelled up to all hell.

LAURA: Okay, I'll double dash to get to the fucking boat.

MARISHA: Jump, Jester, jump!

MATT: You're making your way across the gangplank like, "oh god!" You're just about to make it to the ship, and that's the end of your bonus dash. Caduceus, you're up. No, sorry, Caleb!

LIAM: Okay, I see which way the wind is blowing. I mutter a few arcane words and I cast the spell Expeditious Retreat, which is a transmutation spell so I will also send a little bit of arcane energy to the Transmutation stone to give myself extra speed as well.

MATT: You can do that!

LIAM: I can use my action, my movement, and my bonus action to move full movement at 40. Vax is back.

MATT: Vax is back, baby.

LIAM: I am now on the boat.

LAURA: Oh my god. He can do it again.

LIAM: Transmutation spell gets my movement up to 40. Right. Action, movement, plus now Expeditious Retreat is a bonus action.

MATT: Correct. You can move 80 feet.

LIAM: 40 plus 40 plus 40?

MATT: It's a bonus action to cast the spell. Oh, and when you cast the spell, and then as a bonus action-- oh, wow, so it's a dash action as the spell when it's cast as well, so yeah. That's 120 feet.


LIAM: A red blur goes (zooming sound) and I am standing next to Beauregard on the boat.

SAM: Flash! Aah!

TALIESIN: He'll save every one of us!

LAURA: He went so fast he knocked me into the boat.

MATT: You do, actually, Jester tumbles forward into the boat from the sheer focus of Caleb (zooming sound) flashing into the space.

LIAM: Are we stealing the boat?

MARISHA: Oh, we're all here.

LAURA: Does anyone know how to fucking drive a boat?

SAM: No one on the boat does.

MATT: All right, that finishes Caleb's turn.

MARISHA: The guy who's definitely not here.

MATT: From around this corner--

MARISHA: Oh no! We swear we're not pirates!

LIAM: Way to build that tension.

MATT: --begin to appear, and now the zolezzo that are coming around the corner are coming forward with torches. There are more a little further down the way, and they're shouting out, "What's going on? What is"-- Looking around, they can see you, Fjord, they can see Yasha up on the side, and they can see people on the ship across the way.

SAM: Oh, no.

MATT: But that's their turn. They've acknowledged you and they're telling you to halt and they're asking for your attention. Now it's going to turn to Caduceus' turn. They do not see you. The sound you heard, you couldn't quite make out the direction it's coming from, but you can now hear it coming from around the edge of the street.

TALIESIN: I'm going to ponder. I'm going to make the sound of a bunch of people panicking and saying, "Hide everything, hide everything".

MATT: With?

TALIESIN: With Thaumaturgy.

MATT: You're stretching the cantrip a bit.

TALIESIN: No, I thought, "you can create an instantaneous sound that originates from a point of your choice within range."

MATT: It's a sound, like a bird caw. You can't create the sound of a whole crowd screaming.

TALIESIN: That's fair, that's fair.

LAURA: You can do ominous whispers. It's listed.

TALIESIN: It is listed. I'm going to make one of the doors on that boat over there slam shut really loudly.

MATT: (door slamming sound). It does so.

TALIESIN: I'm going to run and hide behind the map. I'm going off the map around there. Yep.

MARISHA: You're going the other way? Away from everybody else?

SAM: Oh no!

MARISHA: We'll catch you upstream.

TRAVIS: He's going to go hang with the Ruby.

LAURA: We can't get the boat out of here fast enough before they can catch the boat.

MATT: All right, go ahead and-- actually, no, this would be on their end.

TALIESIN: That'll just be 30 feet, and I'm not running, I'm walking.

MATT: It does catch their attention, and they look over, and the few that hadn't seen Fjord now look over and see Fjord on the dock as well. There you go. They are aware of those that are currently visible on the deck of the ship, and Fjord, and Yasha over there.


MATT: That ends it-- Yasha's turn? What's Yasha going to do?

TRAVIS: Yasha's going to run her ass onto the boat. Double dash, if she needs to.

MATT: She doesn't need to. With her speed she gets onto the ship there.

TRAVIS: Right, and she will assume the Dodge whatever in case they throw fire something at her.

MATT: Okay. That brings us to the top of the round. Fjord, your go.

TRAVIS: I'm going to Arnold Schwarzernegger from True Lies run and jump off the dock and dive into the water, heading straight towards the boat in a straight line because my speed is the same on land or in the water and I will double dash to the boat.

LIAM: Into the abyss.

LAURA: Bloop!

TRAVIS: I'll be like, "We're getting the fuck out of here. Shove off!"

MATT: As you do that, the guards are going, "Hey! Hey! Halt!" and they're drawing and loading crossbows. You are not stopping, you are not hailing, you are not listening to anything they're saying. They assume you are stealing a ship. Which you are.

SAM: Which we are.


TALIESIN: Am I going to be the only survivor in this? This'll be funny.

MATT: The sails are unfurled. It's still anchored, you notice as you get to the dock.

TRAVIS: Are we tied up, too?

MATT: Yeah. They were just starting to get the process going of getting the ship done, and there is still somebody down inside rummaging through the interior.

SAM: We're off! (unsuccessful noise)

MATT: Yeah. You as a sailor, you get there and asses the situation and you're like, "This is going to take a little bit to get the boat out of here."

SAM: No problem.

MATT: I mean, through natural means. I don't know what you have at your disposal, but--

TRAVIS: I set the boat on fire and kill us all.


TRAVIS: Bury our shame.

MATT: All right, so you've taken your dodge action. All the bowmen are gone. That brings us to Beau and Nott.

MARISHA: I run over and I untie the boat from the thing. I undo the rope. Are we hitched to the dock with rope? And anchor?

MATT: Yeah, you're tied onto the side, and then there's an anchor off the side.

MARISHA: With a cleat, or whatever they're called? I work on that because I'm assuming the anchor is heavy.

MATT: You managed to pull it up. Make a Strength check to see if you can get it all the way up.

MARISHA: The anchor? Okay, that's opposite from what I said.

MATT: Oh, sorry, I misunderstood. You go ahead--

MARISHA: I'm trying to undo-- do I also have time to get the anchor up?

MATT: Not both. It's an action to untie and get it off the dock.

MARISHA: I will focus on untying and getting it off, and then I do the thing that you do where you push on the side of the dock, and I try and get us like (grunt of effort).

MATT: Okay, so you shove off a bit. There's still a good distance. The gangplank is there, so it's not right up against the dock per se. There's not much you can push off of but you do manage to get it untied.

MARISHA: I get it untied. The boat's untied.

MATT: All right. Nott? This is great. This is D&D, motherfuckers.

SAM: So we can't launch. We've got five or six guards coming at us.

LIAM: Vox Machina is dead, long live Vox Machina.

MARISHA: Yeah, they thought Vox Machina were assholes.

LIAM: Yeah, oh man.

MATT: Well, there were a few times that Vox Machina was in this territory.

SAM: Wow. I mean, I've got to get on that boat, right?

LAURA: Save yourself!

SAM: Are there any more moorings or-- did she get off--

MATT: She managed to untie it from the dock itself.

SAM: But the gangplank is holding us on?

MATT: No, the gangplank is still resting--

SAM: It's just resting there, so if we get moving, it'll just fall.

MATT: Probably.

SAM: Okay. I'll dash across the gangplank to get on the boat and-- jesus, how do we get rid of these guys?


SAM: I will-- how far away am I? Ten, 20, 30. I don't know, I'll cast Silent Image. I'll make an image of that captain guy at the end of the dock, or something, trying to hail them down. Not saying anything. Just doing this.

MATT: All right. That ends your turn, Nott. We'll say it appears--

SAM: Bonus action hide!

MATT: There you go. Right there at the edge of the dock.

SAM: Great.

MATT: All right. That brings us to Jester.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: You see the guards. They're arming crossbows. They're running towards the dock. One of them has his hands up, hailing, "Hey, hey!" and is trying to get your attention. What are you doing?

LAURA: I'm going to crouch down, and I'm going to cast Invoke Duplicity.

MATT: Okay. Where do you want it?

LAURA: Next to me, where I crouched down from. I'm going to have her pop up and run across the gangplank, very obviously run over and look like she's running over here and hiding. I'm going to stay as hidden as I can on the boat, crouched down so nobody can see me.

MATT: Good to know.

LIAM: Hey Matt, that white ring is just leftovers, right?

MATT: No, that's the illusion.

SAM: That's the illusory captain that I just made appear at the end of the dock.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: My turn? I give the Glove of Blasting a good tug and I send three arcs of fire up into the air, and they spiral around each other and crash down onto the dock about five to ten feet behind that illusion, and blast into the dock.

LAURA: (whispers) That's good.

MATT: Okay. Go ahead and roll an attack for the AC of wood, which isn't terribly high.

MARISHA: The AC of wood!

MATT: It is. It has an AC.

LIAM: That's a 24.

MATT: That hits.

LIAM: Okay. (gasps) Second's a natural one!

MATT: Hits the water. (sploosh)

LIAM: Other one is way high, natural 17.

MATT: Okay. So two hit. Go ahead and roll damage.

LIAM: Low rolls. 12 damage.

MATT: 12 damage. All right. (explosions) The dock splinters and bits of it char and burn and go flying. It (cracks) but it's still standing. It wasn't enough to destroy the entire dock. It's damaged.

LIAM: Okay, I will use my movement to (zip) inside the boat.

MATT: Okay. (whoosh) You vanish inside the interior of the cabin, pushing past Beau, who's been holding the door shut.

SAM: Wow, what do you see down there?

MATT: As soon as you come down inside, there's a lantern, and there's one of the Enforcers, who you can see is burning papers.


MATT: He turns around and sees you.

LIAM: Can I use a cantrip?

MATT: You have a bonus action cantrip?

LIAM: Oh no I don't, never mind. Never mind. Getting the hang of it. Good good good. Done.

MATT: All right. That finishes your turn. That comes to the guards. The guards, the one who was putting his hands up and was shouting, "Hey!" to hail you, and was asking what's going on, has no choice but to assume that you're destroying the dock and stealing a ship now. Because you are. He's going instead to pull out his heavy crossbow, and load it. They're going to move up to the side here.

SAM: Remember how, Jester, you couldn't come back to this town?



SAM: Well now we *all* can't. You're never going to see your mom again. Sorry.

MATT: The weird butterfly effect of D&D actions.

TRAVIS: This was just *fucked* from the first.

SAM: We were just going to have a conversation with them.

MATT: All right, so the guards are going to go ahead and they're all going to fire.

LAURA: I'm crouched down.

SAM: I'm hiding as well.

MATT: It's going to be two against you, Fjord, two against Yasha, and one against Marius.

SAM: (whispers) Oh no. What if Marius dies?

MATT: Against Fjord, that is a 15 and a 17.

TRAVIS: 17 will hit, 15 misses.

MATT: All righty. You take six points of piercing damage.


MATT: Both against Jester... terrible rolls. That is a 12 and ten. They both just (whiff) past. Oh no, those were against Yasha.

LAURA: Yeah, because I'm crouched.

MATT: They could have seen you but Yasha was the bigger threat, but it still misses Yasha. Last one against Marius misses, surprisingly, with a natural seven. He's just (yelps) and he's looking at all this happening. He looks freaked out. That's going to end the guards' turn. Caduceus. As you are--

TALIESIN: I'm going to cast Disguise Self. I'm going to look like a-- I seem to recall-- I'm going to make a composite of the most pirate-y-- I've decided everyone who's on a boat is a pirate, so I'm going to make the most pirate-y, drunken old man I possibly can. I'm going to give myself a big, white beard, crazy hair, very unthreatening, buggy eyes. I'm going to continue to circle around the--

MATT: 30. That gets you just--

SAM: And that was the last time we ever saw Caduceus.


LIAM: Fuck those idiots.

TALIESIN: I'm figuring I'm going to have to find you guys at some point, but yeah, this is... It's the only way I know how to get to the water, so...

LIAM: (as Caduceus) That was interesting. That was really great.

MATT: Finds his own adventure!


TALIESIN: I don't have a better way around--

MATT: No, that's it--

TALIESIN: Unless there's a window. Unless there's an open passage on the back of one of those houses.

MATT: There is. It's a closed window, but you could try and break it.

TALIESIN: Oh no, that's too--

MATT: Okay, so you're over on that side. That's the end of your turn.

MARISHA: Just add B&E to the list.

MATT: Why not? Just go all in! Yasha...

TALIESIN: That's the best I got right now.

TRAVIS: We want to pull up the anchor or are we moving yet?

MARISHA: I only unfurled, so if Yasha can yank up that anchor, that'd be dope.

MATT: All right, so Yasha goes over to the side, pulls it up (grunts). Gets it on the inside.

MARISHA: Now we're ready to go.

MATT: You're now currently not tethered to--

TRAVIS: With her movement, she'll stand in front of Marius like a human shield. From any arrows that might be coming.

MATT: Okay. She's trying her best to protect Marius.

SAM: Now we've just got to wait for the wind, guys.


LAURA: Where's Keyleth when you need her?

MATT: I would say, yeah. The time you really miss the Air Ashari... All right. Now it's Marius' turn. What Marius was going to do, he can't do now. Well, he might try.

LAURA: He's going to jump in the water.

MARISHA: Please don't be a dumbass. Marius.

MATT: No, no. Hold on. Marius moves past Yasha.

TRAVIS: Do I get an Attack of Bitch Slapping?

MATT: He gets up to the top of the edge of the ship. And... let me roll for him to see if-- that's actually pretty good, okay. He glances about the scenario, takes in his chances and what's happening, and stands up and goes, "Hold! Hold please! This is a *big* misunderstanding! Let's talk this out!"

SAM: To us, or everybody?

MATT: To the guards. For the sake of this, I'm going to have one of you guys roll for him. Who wants to roll his--

SAM: I will roll.

MATT: Persuasion check with disadvantage.

SAM: Terrible. Both were threes.


LAURA: Why did you roll? Why didn't *you* roll?!

MATT: Because it would make it more interesting. Okay, yeah, that's not having any effect on them. They're beyond convincing now, it looks like.

MARISHA: He just made himself a giant target. "Wait!"

MATT: Yeah, he did. But, you know. That finishes the round. Fjord, you're up.

TRAVIS: I go up and I kick Marius in the water-- no.


TRAVIS: I don't fucking know. Can I double dash down into the bow of the-- or belowdecks, where Caleb is?

MATT: Sure.

TRAVIS: I'll do that.

MATT: Okay, you make your way down, and you join up at the side of Caleb. You can see now, the Enforcer that's there, throwing the paper that's currently burning onto the table and he's pulling a weapon out and he's--

TRAVIS: Do I have an action or did I double dash to get down here?

MATT: You said double dash. It would have taken that to get there, so. All right.

TRAVIS: Oh, I'll use my bonus action to cast Hexblade's Curse on that Enforcer. With the hope that he will soon be dead.

MATT: All right. Now, as he sees you and he's pulling the blade, you rush into the fray, and what heavy shadows still lie in the bottom here, with the little bit of lantern and fire light that's lighting the space, the shadows get darker around him, and you can see everyone's breath is visible suddenly in this under chamber as the curse takes its hold on him. That goes to Beau and Nott.

MARISHA: Okay, I go over to the rope of the sail and I pull it tight-- and the jib-- I don't know. I do something, and I go, "Fjord!"

MATT: Beau has never been on a ship.

MARISHA: "Fjord, how do I sail?!"

MATT: The one sailor is below deck right now.

MARISHA: "Fjord!" I still try--

TRAVIS: I'm going.


TALIESIN: Aw, man.

MARISHA: I do what I think--

SAM: Yeah, yeah! Tie that there!

MARISHA: Tie that? Okay!

MATT: Make an intelligence check.


SAM: Do the winch!

MARISHA: Do the-- what's the jib? Do I jib or do I winch? Wait, why am I rolling-- which one? Pick one! I'm going to do jade, lucky jade, lucky jade. Okay, okay! That was good! 19 total.

MATT: Okay, you look at it. You've been watching boats come into harbor, and you've read things about it, but mostly from your observational skills, which is one of your focuses and strengths, Beauregard, you're like, "Okay, I think I've seen people, you know, making ships go." You grab the ropes, you pull, and you yank past, and you watch as the sail picks up the wind and stiffens.

MARISHA: (accented) "We've caught the wind!" I've heard sailors say that.

MATT: It's like-- Beau, for those purposes, up on the top, there, holding the rope, and you're like, "Ah, okay, there's a sail!"

MARISHA: There's like a rudder, right? Nott, rudder, the boat!

SAM: I hate water!


MATT: Nott, what are you doing?

SAM: Is anything constraining our movement? Is the gangplank in our way? Or are we unfettered at this point?

MATT: As far as you know, the gangplank is resting on there. You don't know if it's connected at all.

SAM: We're starting to drift a little?

MATT: You're starting to drift a little bit. The wind has picked up a little bit.

SAM: Okay. Then I will run up and tackle Marius to the ground and wrestle him down. Get over here, you fucking-- Get-- Come on! Get down! We're trying to talk to you!

MATT: Make an athletics check to grapple.

SAM: Ooh, wow. Athletics. Oh, that's just a straight 18.

MATT: Straight 18. Yeah. Like a wet paper bag, he goes over, "Aah!" (boof) and they both slam onto the deck below. You have him grappled and you're like holding him down. You're not-- you don't weigh a lot, but you're leveraging and pulling the weight in a way where he can't-- his knees are buckled and he can't actually get any ground to hold himself up, so. You got him.

SAM: Okay. That's all I got.

MATT: All right. The Enforcer who's below, who has the curse, is going to go ahead and swing forward two attacks with his blade. This is going to be... this is going to be against you, Fjord, because you're the one that came in and cursed him.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I know, yeah.

MATT: That's going to be a 15 to hit.

TRAVIS: It misses.

MATT: (impact) Shield off to one side. Natural 19.

TRAVIS: It hits.

SAM: This is your, like, favored terrain and stuff. It's a boat.


TALIESIN: This is a disaster.

MATT: That is ten points of slashing damage.

TRAVIS: I'm uncon-- No, I'll use my Relentless En-fucking-[slurred]

SAM: We're going to lose the sailor.


TRAVIS: Well, I'm up to one hit point.

LAURA: Seriously?

MATT: You (groan). You just manage to hold on by a thread. Your consciousness waning, your eyes focus angrily towards the target of your Hexblade's Curse.

TRAVIS: Just out of pity's sake. I'm disappointed I came back up to one hit point.

LAURA: I don't even know that's happening.


MATT: All right. That brings us to Jester's turn.

LAURA: Great. I'm going to use my Duplicate to run forward...

SAM: We're saving the world, Marisha, we're saving the world.

LAURA: I'm going to use my Pearl of Power to cast my last remaining 3rd-level spell, and I'm going to cast Charm Person on the three of the guards that I can see.

MATT: Okay. Ones up front?

LAURA: Yeah, sure.

MATT: The one up here is the leader, the one that was guiding them on stuff.

LAURA: Okay, yeah, that's good.

MATT: He fails with a natural three. Two natural threes in a row! Fucking lucky. The third one on the far end... is a natural six. Okay. So. You are currently-- oh no, it's not concentration for Charm Person. Those three are charmed.

LAURA: For an hour.

SAM: We're doing great, guys! We've killed everybody, we're charming people, we're on a boat.

MATT: They are technically in combat with you.

SAM: Is Frumpkin an octopus and is it lying back on the dock somewhere?

LIAM: Frumpkin is *not* there.

SAM: Oh, okay.

LAURA: It is charmed by you until the spell ends or until your companions do anything harmful to it. When the spell ends-- It doesn't say anything about it not being in combat.

MATT: Makes a wisdom saving throw and does so with advantage if you or your companions are fighting it.

LAURA: Oh, okay. It doesn't say that on the thingy. Sorry.

TALIESIN: Although they haven't technically attacked... Oh, no.

MATT: Yeah, there's been enough aggressive action, they're considered fighting. They've all failed their save. I'm going to do one more roll for all of them. The leader-- that's cocked. That's a natural 12 plus two, 14. What's your DC?

LAURA: 15!

MATT: 15. That's a natural ten and a natural 11! They all fail again. Yeah, they're all still charmed. Well done.

SAM: What are the odds?

MATT: That's kind of creepy, actually. All right, so we'll say the red here is Charm Person.

MARISHA: I can feel Travis' Dad disappointment, like radiating--

SAM: In himself?

TRAVIS: In myself, yeah.

SAM: And in us?

MARISHA: It's hot.

MATT: The three of them drop their weapons for a second and are, like, looking confused. The ones behind are still loading and getting ready.

LAURA: Okay. I guess I'm going to stay hidden on my end and try to make my way down. I can't do anything below, but okay, whatever, yeah. Yeah, I guess I'm going to try to go-- No, because I'm going to keep visual on Duplicate Jester. I'm going to stay hidden on the top.

MATT: Okay, that ends your turn, Jester. Caleb.

LIAM: *Ja* I rub a bit of honey across my lip and say, "*Mein Freund*, I suggest you throw down your weapons and lie under that desk, just for your safety," and I cast Suggestion. MATT: Okay. This is a natural seven, that's a failure. After slashing into Fjord and turning toward you and seeing that fall, he throws his weapon down and crawls under the table angrily, like "Grr, I'm going to get you under this table!" and then he gets there and looks very confused.

LIAM: I would like to use movement to zip up to the top and look around.

MATT: Let's see here. Yeah, we'll say that's what is next action would be, since technically it's out of turn.

LIAM: You mean climbing under the desk?

MATT: Yeah. It's happening simultaneously.

LIAM: I use my movement to zip up and look around and my bonus action to zip back down into the boat.

MATT: You look up and you see this scenario. You see the guards are still standing there at the edge. The ship is moving, it's slowly pulling away.

LAURA: Don't hit those guys in the front.

MATT: That brings us to the guards' turn. The two in the back are going to go ahead and fire. That's going to be one at Beau and one at Yasha. Against Beau, that is a 17 to hit.


MATT: Against Yasha, that is a 16 to hit. I believe that does hit. She doesn't have a huge armor class, if I recall. She does take only five points of piercing damage.

TRAVIS: Is that already halved because of raging?

MATT: Well, she hasn't attacked anything.

TRAVIS: You're right, that would fall. Yeah.

MATT: Did she take damage last turn? Oh, she was attacked last turn, so she's still raging.

TRAVIS: Oh, she did.

MATT: But there were a few rounds there where she didn't hit anything, so the rage fell.

LAURA: The guy that targeted Beau has to make a wisdom saving throw.

MATT: Oh, that's true. He fails, so he goes to fire and he has to choose another target.

LAURA: No, he just fails if on a fail--

SAM: No, he can choose another target on Sanctuary.

MATT: It's okay. It's a 1st-level spell. Instead, he's going to fire that at Yasha as well. Okay, that is a failure. That is a natural seven. No damage outside of the damage that she took there. At that point, the leader goes, "Wait hold, what are you doing? Stand back!" and the guy's like, "What are you talking about?" "Hold on. We have to figure this out. Something is strange about this. Hold up!" He starts shouting to hail in your direction, and the other guards are putting their weapons away and are about to walk over. The two in the back are like, "What?!"

SAM: Wow.

MATT: Yeah, they are not sure what's happening. They are not perceptive enough to have seen that it's a spell effect that has changed them. They're confused by it. We'll see if they figure it out soon. With that, these guys are going to begin to walk and make their way toward the broken docks.

LIAM: Possibly burning.

MATT: They see the illusory guy there and look confused.

LAURA: It just looks like me, though.

TALIESIN: No, there's another guy.

MATT: There's the guy just waving to them. That's all he's doing repeatedly. He's like one of those mannequins holding the electrical signs on the street. Yeah, he's a wacky waving--

TALIESIN: A wacky waver.

MATT: A half-orc.

LIAM: He's got the cardboard arrow, spinning it.

TALIESIN: Freestyle.

MATT: These guards are going to chase up confused and they're going, "Sir! Sir! Sir!" and they're not entirely certain what's going on. They're really confused by the scenario. That's going to go to Caduceus.

TALIESIN: I'm going to NPC my ass right across the street.

MATT: 25, 30.

TALIESIN: I'm going to see if I can take my action and keep going quietly. Oh no, I'm not going that-- I'm going to go behind those. I'm getting in the water.

MATT: Oh, this way?

TALIESIN: Yeah, I'm getting in the water.

SAM: In the water?


MATT: 25, 30.

TALIESIN: I'm going to gently get in. Yeah, I'm sitting in.

MATT: It's a ten-foot drop.

TALIESIN: Oh is it a ten-foot drop?

MATT: Yep.

LAURA: Can you lower yourself? You're pretty tall.

TALIESIN: Can I climb down instead of jumping?

MATT: Sure, make an athletics check.

TALIESIN: All right.

LIAM: Is he Kaiju-sized?

TALIESIN: I am very tiny looking right now. Come on. Oh my god, that was almost terrible. Nine.

MATT: Nine? You slip and fall a little bit. You get down about five feet and you make a splash sound.

TALIESIN: There's a lot happening.

TRAVIS: The dock's on fire, for crying out loud.

MATT: Yeah, they don't notice.

TALIESIN: I'm going to slowly start making my way underneath everything, quietly and with--

MATT: Five, ten, 15, 20. Yeah, you're slowly wading through the water.


MATT: Okay, that ends you're go. Yasha's turn.

TRAVIS: Yasha's going to turn and bear hug Marius.

SAM: I'm already on him.

TRAVIS: Awesome. She's going to assume the dodge-- Is there anything else to do?

LAURA: Can she help try to get the ship to move more?

TALIESIN: Does she know boats?

TRAVIS: Does Yasha know boats?

MATT: Yasha, as far as you know, does not know boats. She's never mentioned anything about it, and Yasha looks like she doesn't know what she's doing. She's not giving orders, or rushing to take a post.

TRAVIS: I mean, I suppose she could run over to the gangplank and she could try to pull it and shove it against the dock and push off.

SAM: The old plank shove.

MATT: Yasha will go ahead and push on the gangplank. Make a strength check for Yasha shoving off.


MATT: She shoves and the whole boat shifts suddenly. The gangplank plunges down into the water and it's floating there on the top. The ship gets shoved off about ten feet in that direction. Marius is just standing there, held by a goblin, going, "Ah!"

SAM: Stay down! Stay down!

MATT: "All right, all right!", and he stays quiet there, and doesn't do anything. Fjord?

TRAVIS: I'll back up to the top of the ship, where I should be useful.

MATT: 15 feet of movement to get up there.

TRAVIS: Do I have an action?

MATT: You have 15 more feet of movement and you have an action.

TRAVIS: I'll climb up onto where the rudder is.

LIAM: "Oh, you want this seafaring knowledge? What can you give me?"

MATT: You get up and man it.

TRAVIS: I start turning the bow of the ship out towards the sea.

MATT: It starts arcing and making its way in that direction, turning slowly.

TRAVIS: I'm smashing my head into the fucking bow.

LAURA: Don't do it, you only have one hit point.

TRAVIS: I fall unconscious. When I wake up this will all be over. I do that.

LAURA: No, you don't.

TRAVIS: Yes, I do.

LAURA: Fjord.

LIAM: That's a bad idea.

LAURA: Don't do that.

TRAVIS: I do it.

MATT: Okay. Fjord, in a fit of frustration and anger, once the rudder is locked in place and the ship begins to turn in position, bashes his head in very much like a "This is so stupid!" movement. It doesn't knock you unconscious, but you are dizzy as fuck. You have to hit your head real hard on there to do a point of damage. Do you want to do that?

TRAVIS: No, that's fine. Frustration's good enough.

MATT: Frustration, you'll hurt yourself, but to take a point of damage?

TRAVIS: Frustration's fine.

MATT: You're like, "Ugh!" There's a little bit of blood trickling out from where the head got mashed a little bit. The partially splintered wood from the explosion of the Fireball earlier...

LAURA: Oh God, are we going to sink?

TALIESIN: Why would you say that out loud?! What's wrong with you?!

TRAVIS: No, that's appropriate for today.

MATT: That ends Fjord's turn. Now the ship is moving on initiative 20. The ship moves out and is over there now, and is turning this way. That brings us to Beau and Nott.

MARISHA: I see Fjord bash his head against the wall and I go, you guys, I think Fjord's under some sort of influence magic! He's not himself! Then I yank the--

MATT: You're just using your action to hold onto the sail and keep it open.

MARISHA: Tell me what to do!

TRAVIS: Oh right, you don't know how to sail the ship.

MARISHA: You motherfucker!

MATT: You're the only one, really.

TRAVIS: Hoist the thing and then the other one.

MARISHA: I try and interpret what he says. Hoist the thing!

MATT: Listening to the thing, you eventually get her to figure it out. You get the sail situated, and that will be your action for the turn. Okay, Nott?

SAM: I will spend my action seeing if there's any rope lying around, and trying to tie the man's hands up.

MATT: There is a couple of coils of rope left there in the far corner of the-- you'll have to release him to go get it.

SAM: I will keep him and I will Mage Hand grab some rope and bring it over to me, but then that will be my action.

MATT: Still holding him, because he's keeping quiet, the rope hovers over and plops next to you.

SAM: Then bonus action, I will use Mage Hand to start looping it around him.

MATT: Okay! Go ahead and make a sleight of hand check for me. Well, just a general dexterity check, actually. You're not proficient in this, necessarily, so just add your dexterity modifier.

SAM: Ten.

MATT: Okay, you've begun the process. It's not an immediate--

SAM: Oh, wait. No, it's just a seven. That's bad.

MATT: You're not a master of rope tying, necessarily. This round, the ropes are slipping and while Marius is fighting against it a little bit, you're not getting too much of a hold on it. All right, that ends your go. The Enforcer below, who has completed the-- now is when he's ducked behind, because he lost his action to do that. He now gets under the table, throws his weapon down, and goes, "What the fuck?" Goes to pick up the weapon; that's his turn. Jester, you go. It's so ridiculous.

LIAM: Did he just break it, is that what Caleb saw?

MARISHA: He realized he was being dumb.

SAM: He's just doing it.

LIAM: He's got to do it.

MATT: No, but he performed the action.

LIAM: Right.

MATT: Yeah, spell ends.

LAURA: I'm going to pull out my axe, the duplicate, and I'm going to act like she hits herself with it-- so stupid-- and go (dying noise) and falls into the water.

TALIESIN: That's pretty good.

SAM: She commits suicide in front of him?

MATT: The leader goes, "No!", who considers you a friend at the moment and is seemingly really distraught to watch this happen.

SAM: What is happening?

LAURA: She's going to be floating in the water, and then I'm going to go--

MATT: I take it you're not concentrating on your Silent Image anymore?

SAM: I'm probably focusing on Marius? So no. I'm not.

MATT: Okay. That vanishes right as she kills herself and falls into the water. Very confused.

LAURA: Then I'm going to, for my action as Jester, go and try to hold the door shut for the under--

MATT: Okay. You move up to the door and-- holding it there.

LAURA: But I'm crawling, I don't want them to see me.

MATT: You're keeping low, yeah. It's half movement, you still get there, and you're prone. All right, Caleb.

LIAM: I just want to clarify. I thought that I had told him to throw down his weapons and hide under the desk for his safety. That's not an ongoing thing?

MARISHA: He did that.

LIAM: But you don't go down and then immediately stand up and get out again, do you?

MARISHA: He saved from the spell.

LIAM: Oh, he saved from the spell?

MATT: No. How it works is, you give them a task. He went and hid under the table for safety, which he did.

LIAM: Hiding under the table for six seconds is a shitty job at hiding, but okay.

MATT: But it wasn't specific enough. It wasn't a very specific suggestion.

LIAM: Okay, that's fine. I have to totally rethink everything, so give me ten seconds. I will use my action to run forward and, with the edges of my coat, put out the burning papers.

LAURA: Are you downstairs? I thought you were upstairs.

MATT: No, you locked him down there. "You're in here with me!" All right, you put out the fire. You can see now, it looks like what was a map that is mostly burned entirely.

LIAM: Do I see anything? As I'm doing this, yeah, if I'm looking at it.

MATT: On the map? Yeah, you see part of the Coast, and you see some notes, and you see something on there. Clearly looking at it, there is information on it, but you're putting it out, (blowing).

LIAM: Okay, that's it, I'm done. I would say that probably what I would've done, not knowing any of that, is zip up to go up and then see if the door is shut and go-- and that's the end of my turn.

MATT: That's going to be your turn. That brings us to the guards' turn. The guards in the back are shaking the other guard, "What are you doing? They're getting away!" He's like, "Look. This is a very confusing scenario, and we're trying to ascertain what's happening. They seem safe for now, but why did this dock explode?"

LAURA: Also, there's a girl floating in the water.

MATT: "She just killed herself, go check on her, make sure she's okay!" The guard's like-- Natural 20. They're like, "This is foul magic." He starts slapping him in the face and he's like, "Get away," and he's like, "Call a mage, we have to get this taken care of."

TRAVIS: Ooh, the mage. A mage, or the mage?

LAURA and LIAM: A mage.

MATT: They start shouting for help. Frumpkin's still hanging out over here. I figured you would've blinked Frumpkin.

LIAM: Yeah, I was casting Find Familiar.

MATT: You still have an octopus Frumpkin with you. The guards are now--

MARISHA: Yeah, it interrupted that with the fight.

MATT: Yeah. They're momentarily distracted by all the things that have happened, the ship getting away and their leader's essentially acting really dumb, and now ascertaining that it's magical, they don't know what to do, so they're starting to shout out, and one of them's starting to leave and go to get help. They start darting this way, shouting. These guys all begin to inspect and try to see if they can find the poor woman. This guy dives into the water to try and see if he can save her.


MATT: He's now swimming in the water going, "Where are you? No! You have so much to live for!"


MATT: That's their action. Caduceus?

TALIESIN: I'm swimming full speed directly out into the ocean.

MATT: 30. That's as much as you can get. It's half movement in the water.


SAM: He's never seen the ocean before.


TALIESIN: Oh, yeah, no, I'm not having a good--

LIAM: So brave.

TALIESIN: --this is not going well for me. I'm not a happy camper.

SAM: Do you even have dark vision?


SAM: You're swimming out into the dark?


LIAM: There's torches, for now.

MATT: Yeah, there's a single torch over here that is loosely lighting the vicinity.

TALIESIN: And, I assume that there's some kind of light on the--

MATT: For Caduceus--you do have a high passive perception. There *are* shapes in the water below.

SAM: Oh my god!

TALIESIN: Would I have noticed that before swimming 30 feet out?

MATT: No. They weren't immediately-- at night, no. You're getting out under the dock and you-- and a little bit of light that's coming through from the moonlight, you look and you can see something in the water.

MARISHA: Oh god.

MATT: That ends your turn. Yasha's go.

TRAVIS: Oh, Yasha's...

LIAM: 40 feet off the dock.

MARISHA: Help me, Yasha!

TRAVIS: Yasha assists Beau in getting the ship--

MATT: Sure. You're just holding the ship. Not much else to do.

MARISHA: Oh my god!

MATT: All right, so, at this point, Marius is-- there's not much else he can do. Ford, your turn.

TRAVIS: Keeping an eye out for Caduceus, start to steer the ship along the coastline this way.

MATT: All right, make a perception check, please.

LIAM: Wow, Fjord.


MATT: 18. You do...

SAM: That's right. There's an old man swimming in the ocean.

MATT: You do see--


MARISHA: Geriatric bathing.

SAM: Oh lord!


TALIESIN: This could not be more fucked.

MATT: (laughter) I'm so happy!

SAM: Don't worry. It's not what we came for. Keep going!

MATT: This went *so* far from any of my expectations! I love Dungeons & Dragons!

TRAVIS: No, fuck that guy. Where's Caduceus?

MATT: All right, so keeping up with that, that ends Fjord's turn. The boat now moves on initiative count 20 to there.

LIAM: Look at that old fucker out there.

MARISHA: Fucking skinny dippers. What the fuck? Polar Bear Plunge.

LIAM: Oh, it's *that* kind of city.

MATT: All right. Beau and Nott, we'll say for the purposes of expediency on this.

SAM: Yeah, I just need some help tying this fucker up. I bring him up to Fjord.

LAURA: Yeah! I'm going to let Caleb out from below. I'm assuming I could have heard Caleb going--

MATT: You felt the door go (thump). That's all you know.

LIAM: You assume I'm down there, I guess.

LAURA: Well, if I look around--

MATT: You don't see Caleb on the ship. Where's Caleb?!

LAURA: Where's Caleb?! I open the door! Caleb!

MATT: Okay, Caleb's standing there.

LAURA: Oh, Caleb.

MATT: All right. Caleb, you doing anything?

LIAM: Yeah. I turn to the guy who-- he picked up his weapons by now?

MATT: Yeah, he's making his way up the stairs after you.

LIAM: Yeah, okay, I reach out and use Catapult, and a drawer pulls out of the desk and slams into the back of his head.

MATT: Go ahead roll for attack.

LIAM: Dex save for that.

MATT: Oh, that's right. Ah, it's cocked. Natural six.

LIAM: Okay, it's a failure, so that is 3d8.

SAM: Does the drawer have fruit in it, though?

MATT: Well, yeah, scurvy, you know?

LIAM: 17 points of bludgeoning damage.

MATT: 17 points of damage. (crash) Right in the back of the skull. He's like, "Ahh!", and you can see him holding back, he's holding the sword. He's hurt. But he's still coming at you.

LIAM: (poof) I am standing next to Fjord and Beau.

MATT: (laughs) All right. With an immediate burst of speed in a rush, very akin to The Flash making his way through the city, Caleb just (poof!) appears there on top with Fjord and Beau.

LIAM: Feels good, man.

MATT: The guy who's now looking at you, Jester, you see the guy had his sword out and, "Ah!", looks confused and sees you and goes, (growls) and is going to come up with the sword. He doesn't realize how fucked he is. He doesn't know that the ship has been taken. He's feeling pretty competent.

LIAM: He's the only one having a worse day than us.

MATT: Probably. All right, so on that, he's going to go ahead and make his way towards you, Jester. He comes up and is going to make two swings at you.

LAURA: I use Hellish Rebuke.

MATT: Well, first you have to see if it hits. That is going to be a 15 to hit. I believe that misses?


MATT: That's a 19 to hit.

LAURA: Okay, yes. I use Hellish Rebuke.

MATT: All right, go for it. That is ten points of slashing damage to you.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: A two-handed (whoosh) swings past you.

LAURA: He takes 21 points of damage back.

MATT: He has to make a save, right?


MATT: That is a natural 14, but has no bonus to his dex, so it's a 14.

LAURA: Yeah, it's only a 12 dex save.

MATT: Right, because it's a racial ability.

LAURA: Yeah, it's a racial ability.

MATT: He takes half damage? What is it?

LAURA: What did I say? 21? Half of that, 11.

MATT: All right. Ice shards pierce out of the blast area and his body is (groans). He's looking really hurt now, and he's frustrated and his eyes are starting to go a little wild, realizing that this is turning on him pretty heavily. All right. Caduceus. (counting) You're just like, (breathing hard). As you glance over--

LIAM: [old man voice] Hey!

TALIESIN: Little help here.

MARISHA: Is that his voice?

TALIESIN: I'm not doing a voice.

MARISHA: Sounds so familiar. Man.

TALIESIN: Not having a good day.

LAURA: Whose turn is it to get him up?


MATT: All right, Yasha goes up and brings Caduceus back onto the ship.

MARISHA: Where the fuck were you? Who are you? You are clearly Cad.

LIAM: A miracle.

LAURA: Fjord needs healing.

TALIESIN: Do I have a bonus action?

MATT: You have a bonus action.

TALIESIN: I'm going to do a Healing Word on Fjord before I start doing another--

LAURA: Prayer?

TALIESIN: Yeah, before I start doing another prayer, I'm going to cast Healing Word on Fjord really quickly, so.

MATT: All right. You got it, Fjord.

TALIESIN: That's seven points of hit points.

MATT: Seven points to you. Fjord, anything? Just keeping the ship going?

TRAVIS: Just sail. Yep, just sail.

LAURA: I go to the back of the boat to see the name of the boat.

MATT: On this way. The boat continues on for another 20 or 30 feet-- actually 30 feet. It's starting to get a little speed and it's picking up the wind as it's making its way curving out towards the harbour. The guards continue running off. These guys are all searching for the body of the woman.

LIAM: Heroes.

SAM: We did it, guys. Mission accomplished.

MATT: The Enforcer actually technically would have his attack on this round. I missed that. The Enforcer does his attacks on you, Jester.

LAURA: Okay. Can I hit back? Because I--

MATT: Yeah, you can. It's your turn now.

LAURA: Okay, then... yeah. I'm going to-- I get two attacks, don't I? No, I just get one attack.

MATT: You get one attack.

SAM: (pigeon coo) Don't kill him.

LAURA: I'm not going to. Instead of killing him, I'm going to say, you probably don't want to attack me. We've got a boat full of people. We just took your ship. You should put down your weapon.

MATT: Make an intimidation check.

TRAVIS: As she put her hands up, he can see her flexing biceps.

LAURA: Yeah. Intimidation, 13.

MATT: 13? He doesn't buy it.

LAURA: What? They're right here. Look behind me, you stupid. Okay.

MATT: He's like back in-- The deck isn't very high. He can't really look and see the ship before you entirely. He's just seeing you right there in the way. He's just hacking at you with his sword.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: So the words don't come through. He thinks it's a bluff.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Caleb.

LIAM: Oh my goodness. Okay. I will go down after Jester and stand behind her to see what the situation is with my movement.

MATT: You are down next to her.

LIAM: Oh goodness. I don't want to set the-- I say, "Hey! Why don't you put down that weapon and let's talk about this?" and I cast Friends, which would be a disadvantage, I'm sure. You have advantage on all charisma checks. Yeah, so: It's very dangerous. You're going to die, probably sooner rather than later unless you want to talk shop.

MATT: Persuasion.

LIAM: Persuasion with disadvantage?

MATT: Disadvantage.

LAURA: No, it's straight. Because you cast...

LIAM: Straight?

MATT: Yeah, what did you roll?

LIAM: Seven. Shit. That's persuasion, ten.

MATT: No, you guys are all standing on the door and going like, "Come on, bud. Come on!" He's going, "No! No! You're lying!"

LIAM: I don't want to burn with the boat.

MATT: Yeah, the guards aren't an issue anymore at the moment. Caduceus, anything you need to do? Or you just holding on the ship?

TALIESIN: I'm sitting and starting a Prayer of Healing.

MATT: Got you. All right. Bringing it back. Fjord, anything? Holding the ship. Ship continues off. You guys are picking up speed now as the wind has come in and the ship is now making its way.

LAURA: Honestly, I think we did a pretty good job after everything.

MATT: You turned it around a little bit.

LAURA: We got a ship!

MATT: That was going bad.

LIAM: This is fucking fun.

MATT: Oh, yeah. That's why I love when shit goes wrong like this. These are my favorite moments in D&D. The Enforcer is going to go ahead and take two more attacks on you.

TRAVIS: Nobody's going down there to help Jester?

SAM: I don't know.

LAURA: I'm going like "Ow, ow, ow!”

MATT: You know what, no! He does see Caleb. Now actively takes a look behind, and then turns around and runs down below deck.

SAM: Wait, there's more below?

LAURA: He just ran back down.

MATT: He's running down below deck. You do get an attack of opportunity if you want to take it, Jester.

LAURA: Okay, yeah.

MARISHA: Kill him.

TRAVIS: Toll the Dead.

LAURA: No, it has to be my handaxe. Yeah, that definitely hits, 25.

MATT: Yeah, that'll hit. Go ahead and roll damage.

LAURA: Ten points of damage.

MATT: As he turns around, you're like, "No, wait!" (shunk) Into the back of his skull. He falls and (thump), slides down the stairs limply.

LAURA: I think I'm going to use my cantrip Spare the Dying and make sure he doesn't die die. Does he die die?

MATT: I mean, you put an axe to the back of his head.

LAURA: I didn't want to kill him. Like that wasn't my goal, but I didn't say that out loud.

MATT: You didn't say that out loud.

LIAM: Stress of the moment.

SAM: He dead.

MATT: It's not your turn. You don't have a bonus action because it's a reaction. You wouldn't be able to use it until next round.

TALIESIN: Oh yeah.

LAURA: Sorry, it really wasn't my intention to do that. I was aiming for his shoulder, and I missed and hit his head.

TRAVIS: It Wasn't My Intention: the name of this episode.

MARISHA: That's great!

TALIESIN: That, or the AC of Wood.

MATT: The AC of Wood is a good Alpha title.

TALIESIN: From "It wasn't my intention."

MATT: As you pull away out into the main harbor, Fjord, for the first time in a long time you feel-- as the stress of the sequence passes over you, the sensation of being at the helm of a ship bypasses the momentary frustration. It feels good to feel that wind in your hair again and to be guiding it through the waters and seeing the dark horizon in the distance. You feel that bald rage subside. Looking past, you can see the guards are still running up the streets with their torches. There'll probably be a search party.

MARISHA and LAURA: (sing-song) You can never go back!

MATT: The good new is, you don't think they were paying attention to the back of he ship, thanks to the distraction that you set, so they don't know the name of the ship. That might help to your advantage.

MARISHA: Which is?

MATT: It is called--

LAURA: Widow's Embrace?

MATT: No, it is not. It is called The Mist.

TRAVIS: With an I or a Y?

MATT: With a I.

LAURA: The Mist.

MATT: Now pushing past midnight to the very early morning hours, you make your way out and as far away from the edge. You can see the lights of Nicodranas begin to fade a bit, just enough where you can feel comfortable. Marius is there bound by ropes. There, still wild eyed, and looking at all this, "All right, then. Who the fuck are you?"

MARISHA: Who the fuck are you? You piece of shit!

SAM: We know his name.

MARISHA: I know who he is! I'm asking him! Fucking piece of shit.

LIAM: That's all we know is his name.

MATT: "My name is Marius LePual."

MARISHA: No, we know! I'm saying you're a piece of shit!

MATT: "What did I do?"

MARISHA: So many things.

MATT: "I'm very confused."

LIAM: What were you doing on the docks this evening?

MATT: He looks around, he's like, "I was coming to tell some business contacts of mine that something they hired me for didn't pan out."

LAURA: (gasp)


LAURA: Do you happen to know where those business contacts came from, these people? Do you know?

MATT: "I don't know, they're very mysterious."

TRAVIS: Would it mean anything if we said that we come bearing gifts and that we are looking to see the Captain? I'll reach behind my hand and use Minor Illusion and create a little replica of the cat eye sphere and hold it out in front of him.

MATT: Okay. He goes, "Why didn't you say that in the beginning?"

MARISHA: I did say that. I kind of did. I was like, Gentleman.

MATT: "I don't know a Gentleman. I just know that I was supposed to look for that delivery."

TRAVIS: From who?

MATT: "Whoever was going to bring it. I didn't expect for you to come in here and slaughter my contacts."

TRAVIS: What are your ambitions with it?

MATT: "Nothing. I was going to make some coin, pass it over. That was it."

MARISHA: He's a runner. Who were you supposed to deliver it to?

MATT: "I don't know. Mysterious folk."

LAURA: The guy we just killed?

MARISHA: Mysterious folk. Where were you supposed to drop it off. You knew where you were supposed to deliver it, so where were you supposed to deliver it?

MATT: "It was supposed to come find me in the cove, never showed up, and they had been waiting in town for a few days, and they were coming back and I-- this was the night where I was supposed to tell them-- either bring it to them or the deal was off and I was supposed to give back the money that I owed them. So-- "

LIAM: I would like to point out that you're trapped on this boat with us.

MATT: "I know that! I am very well aware of that right now. I'm a little freaked out, not going to lie."

LIAM: Tomorrow my blue friend is going to, if we need to, cast a spell on you and make you tell us everything we want to know. Why waste that time.

MATT: Make an intimidation check.

LAURA: There's also maps downstairs. I don't know that, he knows that, never mind.

LIAM: 21.

MATT: 21. He's goes, "Right. I'm being truthful. I know it was supposed to be for a captain, Captain Avantika. She's a right intense person. I've only seen her once. She doesn't really leave her ship in port, when she's in, which is rare. Her reputation keeps her not from coming in directly."

LAURA: What's the name of her ship?

MATT: "Well, her ship is the Squalleater.”

MARISHA: Squalleater?

LIAM: Her reputation keeps her from coming in. What is her reputation?

MATT: "She's a bit of a forceful taker of things she wants."

LAURA: She's a pirate!

MATT: "That's one word to say it. If you want to find her, your best bet is probably somewhere in the Swavain Islands. Don't know where directly. I'm just hired as the errand boy.

SAM: The Slavain Islands?

MATT: Swavain. S-W-A-V-A-I-N. "I was just supposed to come back here. Supposed to meet up with the folks of the Mist, the ship that you've now commandeered. You've killed them all. What are you going to do with me?"

LIAM: That is a good question.

MATT: "I'm useful. I'm helpful! I can swab the deck. I can cook."


LIAM: What can you cook? That's interesting.

MATT: "What you got?"

SAM: We don't know what we got. We stole this ship.

MATT: "Yeah, yeah you did."

TRAVIS: Have we patted him down?


SAM: I'll pat him down.

MATT: Make an investigation check.

TALIESIN: By this point, by the way, everyone has 16 hit points added to their--

SAM: 18 for investigation.

MATT: Okay, you find a pouch of 20 platinum pieces.

LAURA: That's the money he was going to return.

SAM: That's a lot.

LAURA: That's what he got paid.

MATT: You find another pouch that's hidden within his belt pouch that contains 62 gold pieces, three silver, 50 copper, and what looks to be a pouch of chewing tobacco.

SAM: Okay. What *looks* to be a pouch of chewing tobacco. Okay, got it. Could be spice.

MATT: "Well, so you're not going to kill me, right?"

TRAVIS: We're not sure yet.

LAURA: We're probably not going to kill you.

MATT: "That's fine. That's good odds. I'll take those odds. Can you at least loosen these a bit."

TRAVIS: Tighten them and tie him to the mast will you.

MATT: As Yasha picks him up and ties him to the mast, he's like, "Oh!"

LIAM: Maybe you'll earn your way to that, we'll see.

MATT: "Okay, well, where are we going then?"

LAURA: You'll find out soon enough.

MARISHA: I take a handkerchief and I shove it into his mouth, and tie that around too.

SAM: Did we show him this letter?

LAURA: I mean we already said.

SAM: I know but, we don't know who this letter was written to, do we? We know who it was from and what it was telling the person-- wait no, it's from--

LAURA: Ionos.

SAM: Ionos. Do you know Ionos?

LAURA: Take the thing off.

SAM: Do you know Ionos?

MATT: "No, I don't know an Ionos."

TRAVIS: Shove it back in.


SAM: Well I'm glad we killed a half dozen people to know what we already knew.


LAURA: We didn't know that already.

LIAM: We did not know about Avantika or her ship.

SAM: Sure, her name's right here. It says “meet the Captain, Avantika”.

LAURA: We didn't know she was the captain.

LIAM: We didn't know anything about her.

SAM: We could have asked.

LAURA: We didn't know what her ship was about. Let's go downstairs. Maybe we can find something useful.

MARISHA: To be fair, the goal was to just ask, and then it got out of hand.

TRAVIS: Maybe there will be lunch meats down there and we can make a sandwich.


LIAM: Caleb's heading down to start searching.

LAURA: I'll follow him.

MATT: As you guys all head down below deck to take in what exactly you have at your disposal, as you are now the current owners of the Mist.

MARISHA: You guys, we own a ship!

TALIESIN: A ship, a dog, an owl, a ferret.

SAM: We don't have our dog anymore.

MARISHA: Oh yeah! (yelling) Professor Thaddeus! (hooting) Professor Thaddeus?

MATT: Professor Thaddeus is somewhere at the city.

TRAVIS: Oh! First pet down.

MARISHA: I'm going to try to throw up some bait. (hooting)

MATT: Make an animal handling check.

MARISHA: Okay, I'm going to roll big. I'm not going to roll big. I'm going to roll great.

LIAM: We're like a quarter of a mile out to sea.

MARISHA: I had him with me. 19.

MATT: Not while fighting.

MARISHA: Yeah, I imagine when I fought I was like, "Go, hang out."

MATT: Total of what?


MATT: 19. You're shouting out to the sky. Time passes. No Professor Thaddeus.

TRAVIS: He's eating mice.

MARISHA: He is. He's happy. He's happier that way. He was like me. He's not meant to be tied down.

TALIESIN: Wow, I want to say it so bad. I'm not going to say it.

TALIESIN: He's doing what he loves best. Ignoring everything else.

SAM: We'll have a proper burial at sea.

MARISHA: He's not dead. He's just running far away from me.

TRAVIS: Or he's chasing the ship and he can't catch up.

MARISHA: Professor!

MATT: As you head down below deck to take stock of what you have, we're going to end there. We'll pick up next week.

SAM: Everything went great.

LAURA: I think it was fun! Honestly, I think it was terrible but it was cool.

LIAM: Yeah, it was so much fun.

TALIESIN: Oh man, that was a lot.

LAURA: Think about when we got our flying carpet. Like, we didn't mean to get the flying carpet. We ended up bringing the entire tower down upon ourselves, right?

TALIESIN: That's fair.

TRAVIS: That map is gorgeous!

MATT: Thank you! That was fun.

SAM: What would the captain have told us, though?

LAURA: Who knows!

MATT: Who knows. He got splattered.

TRAVIS: He didn't even make an attack.

MATT: No he didn't! He was going to be the nasty one.


MATT: Anyways, well done, guys. You have a boat and a handful of people in the city that saw your faces. Most of your faces.

MARISHA: Man, thanks for that. You keep presenting with stuff that we don't really want, but then we see it and we're like, "We need it!" Then we don't want it, like animals. Now we have a boat.

MATT: You have a weasel and your mom has a puppy. And there's an owl somewhere.

LAURA: Well think about, nobody that saw us in the city, saw us taking the boat lived to tell the tale. Just kidding, all of the guards right there did.

LIAM: Nicodranas!

SAM: Do we go on to the next town, or do we try to--

MATT: That's up to you guys to figure out next time we come around.

SAM: Oh my god.

MATT: Well done. We'll pick this up next week and see where the Mighty Nein are going, what they're planning to do and what the next leg of their adventure is. Until then, have a wonderful night, have a wonderful week, we love you, and is it Thursday yet? Good night.