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Critical Role Wiki

List of Transcripts


MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome to our special one shot of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons.


MARISHA: And get married.

MATT: And yeah.

LAURA: And get married!

MATT: Yeah that-- that is exactly what's happening.

LAURA: Mawage! Wait, what?

MATT: This was part of our Kickstarter. You guys generously donated towards the Legend of Vox Machina animated series, and as one of our stretch goals was to go ahead and bring Vox Machina together for another one-shot. This one in particular involves the wedding of Percival and Vex'ahlia. So we'll go ahead and dive in here in a minute.

ASHLEY: Oh my god.

MATT: We all dressed up a little nice for the evening's occasion. Got some new decor in the space for it, which is pretty fun.

SAM: Travis did not change his normal street clothes.

MATT: No, well, he didn't get the memo, unfortunately.

LIAM: Normally, he puts on the t-shirt and jeans for the show, but today he was just in too much of a hurry, so he left his regular.

TRAVIS: My dances are five dollars for the first hour.


ASHLEY: That's pretty cheap.

LAURA: That's pretty affordable.

MATT: I'll chip in when the episode's over tonight.

LIAM: Go to our shop now.

MATT: So let's go ahead and dive in to tonight's episode of Critical Role.

(excited noises)

Part I[]

MATT: Welcome back.


MATT: So last we left off, Vox Machina, heroes of Emon, and Exandria at large, had managed to seal Vecna, the newly-ascended god, beyond the Divine Gate with losses of friends and loved ones, but protected the lives of many, many more and generations to come. They then lost their friend, Grog, his soul jettisoned to the land of Pandemonium. Following suit, they chased down the location of his spirit, freed him from his prison, and then fought their way back, seeking the githzerai entity known as Bob, as so given by the team here. You managed to find yourself back to Exandria, whole, together, and that was that. History carried on. Yet, here we are about a year later. In this time, many of you have found new epilogues to yourselves, begun to build a life outside of the adventurers-type existence that involves bringing Whitestone to the beginnings of its new heights. That involves reconnecting with one's daughter. That involves gathering the people under the banner of their new proven leader. That involves kindling a relationship long pursued and teased. That involves finding new ways to get drunk and beat the face of those that dare step on and call you a name.

TRAVIS: Promise?

MATT: And that involves, actually, the birth of a new child. Vex'ahlia and Percival, if you'd like to talk a little bit about what you've been up to this past year.


TALIESIN: Quite a bit.



TALIESIN: Welcome back, hi.

LAURA: Yes, hi. Well, we had a kid.


LAURA: She's super cute.

TALIESIN: She's adorable.

LAURA: Yeah, wonderful.

SAM: What's her name?

TALIESIN: Do you want to?

LAURA: Oh no, it's all you.

TALIESIN: It's Vesper.

SAM: Oh, that's pretty good.

LAURA: Vesper Elaina.

TALIESIN: Vesper Elaina de Rolo.

SAM: Just one middle name?

LAURA: Just one.

SAM: All right.

TALIESIN: Start simply.

TRAVIS: I think naming your kid after one of the Vestiges is very smart.

TALIESIN: That's not, well--

LAURA: Thank you, Grog.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

TRAVIS: Whisper is a good name.

LAURA: Fenthras, not a bad name.

TALIESIN: It's not terrible.

LAURA: Terrible.

TALIESIN: It's not terrible.

LAURA: Terrible.

TALIESIN: It's terrible.

MATT: So you've begun preparations for the Lady and Lord de Rolo, the new leadership in Whitestone, along side your sister, Cassandra. And the-- The event begins to loom closer and closer. You have decided on a destination wedding.


TRAVIS: What a bunch of assholes.

MATT: So you send out your invitations to friends and family. Roughly how many people do you invite?

TALIESIN: Approximately, I'm forced to invite, at least 150.

LAURA: That many, darling?

TALIESIN: I'm really hoping that none of them show up, though.

LAURA: Destination, that's the point, right?

TALIESIN: The whole point of a destination wedding is you get a vacation and they're nowhere around. And they got the invitation, so they can't really complain, can they?

MATT: 150, okay.

TRAVIS: Oh, no.


LIAM: Roll for attendance.

LAURA: Oh, that's great.

SAM: Matt has to do a quick seating chart.


MATT: Talk amongst yourselves, I got to--

TRAVIS: I think you just doomed us. I think he had options planned for ten, 15-- hundred plus.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: This is what 5th edition is for.

MATT: A handful of names, perhaps of your most prized--

LAURA: Yes, most definitely.

MATT: --invitees.

TALIESIN: Unfortunate distant relatives that must be appeased.

LAURA: Oh, you want actual names of people that will be there?

MATT: Well, just like a handful--

LAURA: Oh, well, obviously--

MATT: That you would put at the tables closest to you.

LAURA: Oh. Cassandra.

TALIESIN: Cassandra, of course.

LAURA: Kima, Allura, Gilmore.

TALIESIN: Gilmore, of course.

LAURA: Jarett.

TALIESIN: That makes sense, I suppose, if we must.

MATT: Are you inviting Syldor, Devana, and Velora?

LAURA: Obviously.


TALIESIN: One would assume. And Tary, of course, if he can make it. Tary, if he must.

LAURA: Tary better make it.

TALIESIN: He has to make it.

LAURA: I'm asking him to be my--

TALIESIN: I'm asking him to be my

LAURA: No, I'm asking him to--

TALIESIN: No, I was going to.



LAURA: Percival.

TALIESIN: I thought Keyleth would--

LAURA: No, Keyleth makes more sense for you, darling.

TALIESIN: Oh that's fair. All right, fine.

LAURA: Either way, I want them both standing next to us.

TALIESIN: That will make-- as long as that's we have, then that will be fine.

MATT: All righty.

LIAM: This is exactly what table planning at weddings is like. Exactly.

MATT: This is going to be a magnificent three hours of us planning a wedding.


MATT: I hope you buckle in, guys.

SAM: What about J'mon Sa Ord?

LAURA: Yes, of course.

SAM: He seems like a good, high quality--

LAURA: Yeah and it's pretty close, actually.

SAM: Yeah.

LAURA: So he should be able to make it, they should be able to make it.

TALIESIN: Thinking if there's anyone we've forgotten.

LAURA: Oh, I'm sure.

TALIESIN: Of course.

LAURA: Pike?


LAURA: Do you want your family there?

ASHLEY: Um. It's okay. I think-- We could invite them. They probably won't go, but--

LAURA: Let's invite them. They probably won't come.

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay.

LAURA: They're on the invite.

ASHLEY: Thanks for thinking of that, though. That's really nice.

LAURA: (begrudgingly) And my dad and his wife.


TALIESIN: Sit in the back.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: Behind a tree, or something, where there can't really see.

MATT: So in the months approaching, young Vesper is born. Delight is had as the various extended and chosen family of Vox Machina are introduced to the child, in their own individual times. As a group as you all begin to gather for travel, for you could take a ship and you may well. You are welcome to take a ship, if you like, across the long journey and enjoy a sea voyage towards to the wedding, but you have more immediate means of transportation at your disposal.

LAURA: Do you mind? It'd be nice if we all got there before everyone else.

MARISHA: Oh, sure, yeah. Are we good to go, good?

TALIESIN: I believe so.

MARISHA: Got all your stuff?

SAM: Where are we going?

LIAM: Where is this group right now?

MARISHA: Yeah, am I there? I didn't know I was there. I just started, yes and-ing.

LAURA: You're in Whitestone.

MARISHA: Okay, got it, I'm in Whitestone. Okay.

LAURA: But, of course, we're going to Dalen's Closet.

MARISHA: As per the invitation said.

TRAVIS: Where is that again? Is it in the mountains?



LAURA: The very sunny mountains, with a lot of ocean around it.


TRAVIS: Are you lying?

LAURA: Mm-mm.

ASHLEY: Do you remember we went there?

TRAVIS: We did?


TRAVIS: For what?

SAM: I've never been, actually. I'm curious.

TALIESIN: That's true.

LAURA: That's right.

TALIESIN: It's quite nice.

LIAM: I suppose I should introduce myself.


SAM: Who are you? What the fuck is going on?

MARISHA: Sorry, Derrig.

LIAM: I didn't know if I should speak up or not.

MARISHA: This is Derrig.

LAURA: Who's--

SAM: Derrick?

MARISHA: He's my plus one.

LIAM: Derrig.

SAM: Derrig.

LIAM: Yes, I'm the master of defense in Zephrah.

LAURA: Your plus one?

MARISHA: Yeah, well, it was-- no, not that kind of a plus one.

SAM: You're dating already?


LAURA: I mean, it's not, it's been a--

SAM: No, it's fine. I encourage it.

MARISHA: No, he's my-- The council assigned him to me for my protection because they think I am too important to travel alone.

SAM: He's your bodyguard.

MARISHA: He's my bodyguard.

LIAM: Honestly, she clearly doesn't need it, but it's a political thing.


LIAM: Really, the council insisted.

MARISHA: He's also been in charge, as the master of defense, in gathering a local defense team. If you will.

SAM: Like a SWAT team of some sort?

MARISHA: Like a national guard.

SAM: Oh.


TRAVIS: Keyleth, I'm the national guard. What do you need a team for?

MARISHA: Well, you're-- you are the Grand Poobah.

TRAVIS: Oh right, my official duties.

LIAM: Anyway, don't mind me. I'll be hanging back and just offering support.

LAURA: What do you look like?

MATT: Beat me to it.


LIAM: Derrig, he's a little older than y'all. He is half-elven, as well. He doesn't have fully pointed ears. He has two scars cut along his cheeks that are old. A little grizzled, a little tired around the eyes. He has a blade and a shield on his back, and leather straps across his chest. One arm is clothed in a very nice white linen shirt, for the occasion, the other arm is bare and has a full shoulder and arm tattoo of clouds breaking with a sun, right here on the shoulder. Oh, he looks like this. I'll show it to you.

LAURA: Oh, let me see.

SAM: Is he a human? Oh no, you said half-elf.

TRAVIS: Oh damn.

ASHLEY: Hello, sir.

TRAVIS: What's up?

LAURA: He's got cool armor.

TALIESIN: Well, all right.

SAM: Oh, okay, okay.

TRAVIS: About how old is this fine gentleman?

SAM: You could have done worse, Keyleth. That's pretty good, pretty good.

MARISHA: He's my bodyguard.

SAM: Sure, sure.

LIAM: Is this going to be a running gag?

MARISHA: Probably.

LIAM: For the trip or--

SAM: No running gags. This is just how I see the world. it's the prism.

LIAM: You did warn me.

MATT: All right. So gathering your things, meeting out by the Sun Tree, in the center of the main thoroughfare in central Whitestone. You all present yourselves before Keyleth and you may--

LAURA: Where's Tary?


LAURA: He's not here yet.

MARISHA: He's coming?

LAURA: Well, yeah.


LAURA: Maybe he's meeting us there. I didn't really make it clear.

TALIESIN: Might be with Cassandra. It's possible.

LAURA: Okay.

MARISHA: Tary! Tary!

LIAM: Tary is the automaton maker?

MARISHA: Uh, yes, yes.

LAURA: Tary?


SAM: (as Tary) Hello!

MARISHA: Oh, it worked!


SAM: Oh, well look at you lot. Don't you look amazing. I was over there just wandering about and I saw the seven, eight of you-- Who's this guy? Anyway, I just-- I thought, this just couldn't be my old friends, you look too fancy and gussied up. And I came on over and look at you all, you look amazing, fantastic. Doty! Doty? Take this down. It has been years since I've seen my friends, my partners.

MATT: (pencil scratching)

SAM: My battle-seasoned partners, and yet it feels like no time has gone by at all. The rapport that we share is famous and everlasting, and I feel, looking across all their faces, that they missed me tremendously.

TRAVIS: I feel like I remember you.

LIAM: What is going on?


SAM: The sadness in their face, mixed with the hopeful joy of seeing mine once more--


SAM: Makes for a wonderful moment.

TRAVIS: Nope, I lost it.

SAM: Doty, take a note. We'll need this moment illustrated, probably by our second- or third-best illustrator.

MATT: "Tary."

MARISHA: You have illustrators?

SAM: Oh yes, yes, I've upgraded. My books are filled with all sorts of things now.


SAM: Yes, yes.

MARISHA: What number Doty is this?

SAM: This is Doty 5.0. Doty 4.0 had a little glitch. He tried to kill us all. But it's fine, it's fine and now Doty 5.0 is in service and he's remarkable. Every time there's a little bit of an improvement. Check the--

MATT: "Tary."

SAM: Yep, that's the improvement. He has one opposable thumb.

TRAVIS: Yeah, that's good stuff.

SAM: That's it.


TRAVIS: That is fully automated. That's great.

SAM: Pretty good.

ASHLEY: Are you still baking?

SAM: Oh yes, well, with my duties to the brigade, I don't have much time to tend to the kitchen very much, but I have gone back to bake a few desserts. Not as good as you all. How is the shop running these days?

LAURA: Franchises. So well.

ASHLEY: Yeah, it's everywhere.

SAM: Is that true?

LAURA: Yes, we're about to open up shop in Wildemount, actually.

SAM: Wow, wow. I have yet to receive a percentage of that.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

SAM: But I assume it will be coming.

LAURA: Yes, maybe you can help find a kitchen.

SAM: Sure, I'll send my best people to scout it out.

LAURA: Wonderful.

SAM: Well, this is going to be so much fun. Fun, fun, fun! When do we depart?

LAURA: Right now!

SAM: All right.

TALIESIN: Keyleth, please.

MARISHA: Okay. You have everything? Dress, shoes, hats?


LAURA: Definitely not wearing it already. Definitely not.

LIAM: I didn't bring 300 hours of role playing experience for this character. Is that all right?


MARISHA: We'll make do (magic crackle).

TRAVIS: Doosh.

SAM and MATT: Doosh.

SAM: Skadoosh.

TRAVIS: That's right.

SAM: I think that's how that spell worked, right?

TRAVIS: Skadoosh.

MATT: With the resounding echo of "doosh", the exterior bark of--

MARISHA: Some might think that's the noise that trees make.

MATT: Exactly. The exterior of the Sun Tree's trunk splits in the center, with a creaking "doosh". There you can see, behind it, the white sands of a familiar beach awaiting you. You rush through (whooshing) into the tree as it (sucking sound) closes behind you. Each of you stepping out, your feet sinking slightly into the soft, sandy beach. You now stand before a relatively thick, tall palm tree. The sun is coming through, though it is a bit of a hazy day. There's a bit of clouds in the sky, and you guys glance around. The warm air coming with bits of salt and sea spray wafting on the breeze. You look out over the Bay of Gifts, Shamal Bay, here at the base of the Aggrad Mountains, on the northeast side of Marquet. You can see the beautiful cities that wrap around the crescent shape of this bay and the many, many ships coming, going, or docked. It is glimmering with white silks and colored materials draped from torch top to large lantern. It is just a display of colors and culture, and it's been some time, so it's nice to return. You shortly gather yourselves and make your way towards where you know the actual event space has been, supposedly, prepared for you in advance. Going to double check, as it is kind of early after-- I want to say early day, just after noon, like 1:00, 1:30 in the afternoon here. You can glance over and see a series of tables set up about, maybe, 50 or 60 feet from the shoreline. You see tables set out there with benches and chairs, and little candelabras and torches set up around them. They have all sorts of large heavy kegs and crates. You can see a raised platform on the edge of the beach, right by where the waves are, where it is this ceremony is meant to take place. Here on the Bay itself. You can see a number of folks, quickly, frantically, rushing around trying to set cloth onto the tables and utensils, and doing double, triple checking of all the materials required. None of them have noticed your presence, as of yet. What you do know is that this evening looks to be the reception-- or the--

SAM: Rehearsal?

MATT: Rehearsal, thank you. Not the reception. The rehearsal for the evening and a smaller crew of friends that you invited to come and join for dinner.

LAURA: (laughs) It's the fucking wedding.

MATT: It's like a wedding.

LAURA: Oh man.

MATT: And then tomorrow is the big day in the actual event.

MARISHA: Wow, it's so nice that they let you check in the day before at this venue. Man, that's hard to find.


LIAM: Too real, too real.

TALIESIN: Wow. Felt that.

MATT: So the space is here, people are scattering around, you have actual the Bay of Gifts and Shamal Bay there at your disposal. You're not sure who's arrived yet, as it's probably a good five, six hours until the actual rehearsal dinner transpires. What would you like to do?

LAURA: Oh god.

TALIESIN: We could still run, I'm just saying.

LAURA: I think it's a little late for that.

TALIESIN: You say that. I have a ship chartered, ready to go, taken care of everything. We can be out of here in less than an hour.

LAURA: Just take our friends and go.

TALIESIN: They can come too, sure.

TRAVIS: The kegs.

LAURA: You're right, Grog, the kegs.

TALIESIN: That's fair.

LAURA: We should stay. For the kegs.

TALIESIN: For the kegs, if nothing else.

LAURA: Yes. I'm going to go check on Vesper really fast, make sure she's in her room okay.

TALIESIN: I'm going to, let's--

MARISHA: I'll check in with the wedding planner.

TALIESIN: See if we can find everybody their rooms.

LAURA: Tary?

SAM: Yes?

LAURA: You know you're standing next to me tomorrow, right?

SAM: I was-- It was a little confusing, to be honest. I got a letter from Percival, my science bro, and I did write a speech for him.


SAM: But then you sent me your invitation to be your best man--


SAM: Or man of honor. I'm not quite sure on the details.

LAURA: Whatever.

SAM: So I adapted the speech for you.


LAURA: Perfect, darling. Perfect.

MARISHA: So who's standing behind you?

TALIESIN: Well, that would be you, dear. You have the speech, I assume.

MARISHA: Oh! I'm super--

TALIESIN: Yes, I can tell.

MARISHA: --great at making speeches--

TALIESIN: You are.

MARISHA: --on the fly.

TALIESIN: Mm-hmm, I'm quite excited.

MARISHA: The cape helps. I'm not wearing the-- I'm not wearing the cape. I'm not wearing the cape.

SAM: You'll be fine. Just picture everyone in the audience naked.

TRAVIS: Yeah, don't fuck it up.

LAURA: I think the speeches are tonight, for you and Tary.

SAM: Oh.


SAM: Well, then, I'd better go to my room and get some beauty sleep. And so it won't be so confusing for me to be in this scene, I'll leave now.


MATT: Tary and Doty then shuffle off through the sands. Heading in towards shore, you can see Dalen's Closet itself, the collection of single story resort abodes in this spread out inn-type arrangement, in the center of which sits the large taverns, known as The Perfect Pearl. You guys have been here before, so you know the lay of that location. The last time ended in some shenanigans. You're looking for the wedding planner?


MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: What is their name?

MATT: Have you even given the information to Keyleth?

LAURA: Yes, of course.

MATT: Okay, so you're set for this.


MATT: All right. You were looking for--

MARISHA: I know their name.

MATT: You were looking for Zanacosh.

LAURA: Zanacosh.

ASHLEY: Zanacosh.

SAM: Zanacosh.

LAURA: You've got it, right, darling?


LAURA: Okay.


LAURA: Wonderful.


MATT: So as you--

MARISHA: Zanacosh.

MATT: As you step towards the actual location of this event, you can see folks running around, setting up more chairs. They're off-loading from a large cart in the back that had been dragged through the sands and past the various trees and clusters of green before it turns into full beach side. More tables and more chairs. Whether or not a lot of people said they're going to show up, they're planning for quite a few, it looks like.

MARISHA: Derrig.

LIAM: Hmm?

MARISHA: Come on.

LIAM: I'm coming, I'm coming.

MATT: All right, so you both approach. You do see in the midst of it, a female half-orc with very, very short cut hair that comes into a bit of a pompadour that sticks up in the front. Her chin pokes out a bit, as she keeps her head raised, looking over and inspecting the folks around her. Sleeveless blouse, as well as just very nice, airy baggy pants and a pair of boots, really well made that lace up the sides each from the bottom. You can see she holds a packet of paper and is in the process of marking with a piece of charcoal various notes and giving instructions, before noticing you both approach. "So all right, put the presents over there. Okay."


MATT: "Hello, can I help you?"

MARISHA: You must be Zanacosh.

MATT: "I am, and you are?"

MARISHA: I am Keyleth, of the Air Ashari, Voice of the Tempest, Vinespeaker--

MATT: Goes through papers.

MARISHA: --and the best man.

MATT: "Right, okay, I have you right here. It's a pleasure to meet you."


MATT: "Glad you could make it."


MATT: "You're a bit early, and you are?"

LIAM: Uh, Derrig.

MATT: "Derrig."

MARISHA: He is with me.

MATT: "He's not on the paperwork."

MARISHA: He's my plus one.

MATT: Goes and marks down, "Derrig, okay."


MATT: "Pleasure to meet you as well."

LIAM: Pleasure. Oh!

MARISHA: I know, I know.

LIAM: I'm not-- the whole diplomacy thing--

MARISHA: It takes getting used to.

LIAM: --is your bag, not mine.

MARISHA: Oh, god, it's mine? Oh gods, we're in trouble.

LIAM: You're the Voice of the Tempest.


MARISHA: I just wanted to check in on behalf of the bride and groom on how things were shaping up? It's looking beautiful. It's looking good. It's not finished though, right?

MATT: "No, by no means is it finished."


MATT: "But by the time for the reception there will be much--"

MARISHA: Because this has to be perfect!

TRAVIS: Oh Jesus.


MARISHA: Sorry, sorry.

MATT: "Trust, this one of a long lineage of weddings and such events that have been thrown here on the beachy shores of Dalen's Closet. I would not worry if I were you, and even this display you see here is still in the very early stages. By sundown this evening, for the rehearsal, it will--"

MARISHA: Are there snow drops? Do you have the snow drops? Was that requested?

MATT: Flips through the papers.

MARISHA: Here, let me just-- And I just start Druidcrafting snow drops.

LIAM: Like dollar bills?



TRAVIS: (metal clinking). Like a slot machine.

MARISHA: Here you go. These are important.

MATT: "All right. Well, Javad, pick these up and prepare to scatter. All right, the snowdrop marked--"

MARISHA: And you have the cake coming? Cake is coming from The Slayer's Cake, from the Marquet branch? Yes? Right?

MATT: "Uh, a cake is part of the package, yes."

MARISHA: Perfect. From The Slayer's Cake. You're not doing the one that you all provide, right? I just wanted to make sure.

TRAVIS: Oh no.

SAM: Oh boy.

MARISHA: I'm sure you have it.


I'm sorry.

MATT: "It will be taken care, yes."

MARISHA: I'm sweating! Okay. Just, these people mean a lot to me, and I don't want to fuck this up, okay? No one should fuck this up.

MATT: "We treat all of our clients with the utmost appreciation, respect, and diligence to their special day."


MATT: "Do not worry."


MATT: "Are we done?"


MARISHA: Here is a-- like a Sending stone. I have the other one. If you need me just call me. Okay? Just-- I'll be nearby.

MATT: "It'll be done."

MARISHA: Thank you.

MATT: "No worries. Marcel." Passes it off to somebody.

MARISHA: Who's-- ?

MATT: "My assistant."

MARISHA: Okay. All right.


MATT: "Go, relax, enjoy. Welcome to Dalen's Closet. (laughs)" Goes and turns around and starts going back to keeping tabs on business around.


TALIESIN: That was--

MARISHA: Okay, I go and try to write a speech.

TRAVIS: Holy shit.

LAURA: I am putting Vesper down for her nap, and I'm going to go look for Pike and Scanlan's room? (high-pitched) Are they in the same room or different rooms?

SAM: (high-pitched) I don't know! We didn't discuss it ahead of time.

LAURA: (higher pitched) They're still different rooms, maybe. I don't know.

MATT: That's up to you guys.


SAM: Oh boy. We should've talked about this.

LAURA: Talk it out. Figure it out.

ASHLEY: I feel like-- I feel like they're in separate rooms.

SAM: You know, Kaylie wanted to come see the coast, so I'm sharing a room with Kaylie.

LAURA: Obviously.

SAM: Yes.

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: And Pike's on her own, of course.

LAURA: Right.

SAM: It wouldn't be proper for two single people to share a room. It just wouldn't be proper.

LAURA: You've done it before, so I didn't know.

SAM: I have shared rooms with people before, yes, and we have not been married, but I'm trying to turn over a new leaf, you know? Bless Sarenrae, she's been really guiding me through this period of my life and I think we're going to-- I think I'm turning over a new chapter.

LAURA: Wonderful.

SAM: Yes.

LAURA: Can I talk to you?

SAM: Sure, yes, what's up? Are we going to get drunk before this thing tonight, or what?

LAURA: Obviously. Finally I can again.

SAM: Yeah.

LAURA: So, um-- Okay, so, we invited my father, obviously, you know, I don't care if he's here or not. It doesn't matter to me. However, I do need somebody to walk me down the aisle tomorrow and-- Well, I was wondering if it would be you?

SAM: Why me?! I'm the weirdest choice!


LAURA: But it's really not.

MARISHA: No, it's perfect.

LAURA: You're really not.

SAM: Oh boy, this is an honor. I was really planning on being super, duper drunk with Grog the whole day.

LAURA: You know, really, the reception is the fun time to get drunk.

SAM: Mm-hmm. Well, of course. You know, if you want me to walk you down the aisle, do you want just a standard walk down the aisle or do you want a little something, something?

LAURA: Scanlan, you put any flavor you want to on it, dear.

SAM: All right. I'll think of something nice.

LAURA: All right.

SAM: It would be a privilege and a great pleasure to serve as your father for the day?

LAURA: I mean, I know it's stupid, but I have always looked up to you. I maybe haven't said it, but--

SAM: Wow, I'm flattered and touched, and I will undo a few of the pranks I had planned for your wedding.

LAURA: Thank you.

SAM: All right. Well.

MATT: As you leave the room, you turn around and you see a gnomish girl, with short, gel-spiked, dark auburn hair carrying a heavy case of luggage comes. And goes, "All right, all right. There happens to be the bride to be, right?"

LAURA: Yes, good to see you, dear.

MATT: "Is the, uh, the dead beat in that room?"

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: "Perfect. You look gorgeous."

LAURA: I'll be even more beautiful tomorrow, you just wait.

MATT: "I look forward to it. In the mean time, I've got to go destroy someone's ego, hold on."


MATT: Pushes past. "Hey! You!"

SAM: Yeah, what?

(smacking) (laughter)

SAM: All right, all right, I'll carry my bag.


MATT: She comes up and gives you a hug and, "(sighs)"

SAM: Well, it's been a while. You look good. No new scars.

MATT: "Well, not that you can see, at the very least, but--"

SAM: Well, yeah, keep your personal life to yourself. How's business? We making money still?

MATT: "Business has been fine."

SAM: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

MATT: "I've brought on a few other associates, just to keep more of a distance, best we can, a chain of folks that are burnable."

SAM: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

MATT: "Probably for the best."

SAM: Got to keep it mysterious.

MATT: "Exactly."

SAM: You never know when you're going to have to cut and run.

MATT: "It's been well. I've actually been looking to put some of our saved income into some more, let's just say, legitimate businesses."

SAM: Hmm, interesting tactic.

MATT: "Fingers in all the pies, you know?"

SAM: Yeah, sure, anything particular in mind or?

MATT: "I've been looking into to a bit of the gold trade."

SAM: Oh.

MATT: "Aye. I'm thinking of making, like, smaller gold coins that can be used universally. Make it well known, many folks everywhere, It's not quite a mass, but a little bit of a coin." (scoffing)

SAM: Interesting, interesting idea. I see lot of growth potential in that.

MATT: "I'm thinking so."

SAM: Let's get, you know--

MATT: "I've been spreading the word, telling folks all about it, just subtly letting the word get out there."

SAM: You know who's super, duper rich?

MATT: "Hmm?"

SAM: The groom. Why don't you just sidle up to him during the reception, when he's all lubricated and everything, and talk him up, maybe you can score an nvestor.

MATT: "I think that's a practically a very fine idea."

SAM: Yeah. I like it.

MATT: "Okay. But no, seriously."


SAM: Ah!

MATT: And gives you a little smack in the face. "It's good to see you, too."

LIAM: It was the cryptocurrency that finally wiped out the de Rolos.


MATT: That's so dumb. I'm so sorry.


MATT: All right, anyone else handling anything throughout the afternoon before the--

LAURA: We should probably talk to Pike, make sure everything's--

TALIESIN: Should talk to Pike, make sure everything's taken care of. And Grog at some point.

LAURA: Oh, yeah, I'm sure he knows-- Oh, did you talk to Grog?

TALIESIN: I hadn't talked to Grog. Well, I figured, there's no sense talking to Grog because he was just going to forget anything I said anyway, until the day of.

LAURA: Maybe we'll just tell him tomorrow then.

TALIESIN: That perhaps is for the best.

LAURA: Yeah, okay.

TALIESIN: We might.

LAURA: Let's talk to Pike.

TALIESIN: All right.

LAURA: Pikey-poo!

TALIESIN: Hello, Pike?


LAURA: Getting ready for the reception, rehearsal, sorry.

ASHLEY: Yes, I'm getting ready. I'm putting on my best. Got my braid going.

LAURA: It's really beautiful, yeah.


ASHLEY: Thank you.

LAURA: I like this bow.

ASHLEY: Thank you.

TALIESIN: So we just wanted to make sure that you had some ideas of what you were going to say, what sort of--

ASHLEY: Yes, I do. I've never done this before, but is there anything that you guys really want me to say, to not say, to focus on, not focus on, that type of a thing? Or do want me to just wing it?

TALIESIN: I mean, I trust you.

LAURA: Yeah, implicitly.



LAURA: I think she should wing it.

TALIESIN: I think winging it is probably the best way to go.

LAURA: Really, I mean--


LAURA: The deed's already been done. This is just for fun.

ASHLEY: Yes, okay. Okay, I'm very excited, thank you guys so much. This is a privilege and a great pleasure. I'm so excited.

LAURA: You're going to do wonderfully, dear.

ASHLEY: Thank you. Do you guys-- Do you guys have a job for Grog?

LAURA: Oh, yes, of course.

TALIESIN: Well, yes, we'd had some thoughts about, perhaps, letting him--

LAURA: Do the flowers.

TALIESIN: The flowers, distribute the flowers.

ASHLEY: Okay, I just think he wanted a job because I feel like we all had something to do and I think he felt bad.

LAURA: Maybe we should--

TALIESIN: --tell him tonight, just to get it out of the way.

LAURA: Doesn't get super drunk.

TALIESIN: Yeah, that's fair.

LAURA: Okay.


LAURA: We'll go talk to him.

TALIESIN: Good idea, thank you.

ASHLEY: Okay, we'll have fun tonight, though.

LAURA: Thanks, Pike.

ASHLEY: Okay, I love you guys, bye.

TALIESIN: (knocking) Grog!


TALIESIN: There's some wedding business we need to talk about. Do you have a moment?

TRAVIS: Yep, just a moment.

TALIESIN: You're already wearing your hat.

TRAVIS: Yeah, my station requires that I maintain a certain level of plumage at all times.

TALIESIN: The rest of your outfit seems to be missing, but the hat is lovely.

TRAVIS: What're you talking about? This is the most clothes I ever wore in my life.

TALIESIN: That's... fair. Well, we were-- We were hoping that you would follow in the procession to--

TRAVIS: To taste the food? Yeah, no, I've already been making the rounds. I had tried out all the appetizers and I made sure at least half wasn't poisoned. Now, they've run out to the market to go, like, refill the stocks because I got a bit carried (hiccup) away. But it's real good, I can promise you, and I haven't shat once yet, so it's all good.

LAURA: Oh good.

TRAVIS: Yep. Might back me up a little bit.

TALIESIN: We were hoping that you would--

LAURA: Very important job of, before the bride comes down the aisle.

TRAVIS: Yeah, that's you.

LAURA: That's me.

TRAVIS: Mm-hmm.

LAURA: There is, uh-- It's really got to be somebody of very high station--

TRAVIS: Uh-huh.

LAURA: -- to walk down the aisle--


LAURA: -- and put--

TRAVIS: Clear people out of the way.

LAURA: Clear people out of the way.

TRAVIS: Get fucking people out, say, "Move--"

LAURA: Mostly they're already out of the way.

TRAVIS: Here comes the bride!

LAURA: That, but also to lay down the snow drops that


LAURA: -- will be all along the ground.

TALIESIN: The scattering of petals, the scattering of petals, if you can manage that?

LAURA: If that's all right with you?

TALIESIN: Are you all right?


LAURA: Is that okay, Grog?

TRAVIS: (tearfully) Could I have this job?

LAURA: Oh, I mean, it's for somebody very important.

TRAVIS: (whimpers)

TALIESIN: Can you handle that level of responsibility?

TRAVIS: I have a question.



TRAVIS: Could I have this job?

LAURA: Grog, of course you can. I mean, only the most important part here.

TALIESIN: Of course.

TRAVIS: Now, how much violence is associated with this post?

TALIESIN: It's all metaphorical, sadly.

TRAVIS: Okay, so I take the snow drops and I scatter every one?



TRAVIS: Do I throw them at people?

LAURA: Sure.

TALIESIN: If you like.

TRAVIS: And then in--

LAURA: Softly!


LAURA: Mostly on the ground, though.

TRAVIS: Right. Like how-- Are there, like, very distinct rules about softly? Because I'll practice.

LAURA: It's pretty softly.

TRAVIS: I'll go over to, like, a nearby table in my room, I'll pick, like, the flowers out and I throw them at Percy.

MATT: How hard do you throw them?

TRAVIS: But like, medium.


MATT: Roll an attack roll.

SAM: First roll of the night!

MATT: With your strength modifier and proficiency bonus.

TRAVIS: Four-- 16.


MATT: You're not wearing armor currently.

TALIESIN: Oh, well it doesn't matter because I can actually, I can do the dex catch anyway.

MATT: Okay, yeah, so you-- (quick whooshing sounds)

TRAVIS: I don't know, maybe this isn't a job for me? He caught all of them.

TALIESIN: Oh no, that was quite nice.

TRAVIS: There's nothing on the floor. Oh my god, I'm not fit!

TALIESIN: You have to pull the petals off first.

LAURA: Yeah, you're not--

TALIESIN: You don't throw the entire flower.

LAURA: Just the smallest part.


TALIESIN: Just the fun bits.

TRAVIS: Right, right, right, right.

TALIESIN: I'm going to leave them here.

LAURA: I have faith in you, Grog.

TALIESIN: You can practice.

TRAVIS: I'll practice all night, I swear to god.

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: Please don't replace me.

LAURA: It's all you.

TRAVIS: No, please. Can I drink beforehand?

LAURA: A little.


LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Inevitably.

TRAVIS: Right. Do I get, like, a title for this prestidic honor?

LAURA: Grand Poobah of Flowers and De Doinks.

SAM: (laughs)

TALIESIN: That's quite good.

TRAVIS: That's magical. Thank you.

TALIESIN: It's going to be magical day.

TRAVIS: Well, right.

TALIESIN: Grand Poobah of Flowers and De Doinks.

TRAVIS: I will do you right.

LAURA: Thank you.

TRAVIS: Thank you.

LAURA: All right, we'll see you tonight at the rehearsal.

TALIESIN: That could have gone worse.

LAURA: Yeah, well it was great, actually. All right.

TALIESIN: All right.

LIAM: As they leave and walk down the hall, passing Keyleth's room, Derrig is standing outside on guard. Lord and Lady de Rolo?


TALIESIN: Derrig, yes?

LIAM: Sorry, if this is being presumptuous, the Voice of the Tempest is working on your speech, I'm hearing things get thrown around a little bit, but I'm sure it's going to be fine. I just wanted to--

MARISHA: Stupid, stupid, ah! You hear from behind the door.

TALIESIN: Sounds right.

LIAM: She's a very wise leader.

LAURA: We know.

LIAM: But wedding aside, and I'm sorry, I'm under the understanding that this is a renewal of vows, yes? You're already married?

TALIESIN: It was, more or less, a--

LAURA: No, darling, we've been living in sin this entire time.


LIAM: Well, everyone lives in sin in Zephrah, so. But I wanted to congratulate you. You've just had a child. Am I right?



LIAM: You have that tired look in your eye. I have four. I have three triplets, girls and--

LAURA: Triplets?

TALIESIN: Three triplets? So wait, three triplets.

LIAM: Not three sets.

TALIESIN: Just the three.

LIAM: They all look alike. They run me ragged, three girls. They have a little brother and this tired look, I see it in yours. So I just wanted to say welcome to the club--

LAURA: Thank you.

LIAM: -- and congratulations.

LAURA: Thank you. It's so kind to call a bride tired the day before she gets married.


LIAM: You have 24 hours.


LIAM: Also, I met your brother.

LAURA: What?

LIAM: Your brother, I met your brother. He was a good man.

LAURA: When did you meet Vax?

LIAM: Oh, well, he lived with the Tempests for a year.

LAURA: Oh, I mean, yes. Obviously.

LIAM: I'm sorry. I've overstepped my bounds, I just--

LAURA: No, it's--

LIAM: I know that he would wish he could be here and I'm sorry, as well.

LAURA: Well, we wish he was here as well.

LIAM: Pardon me. Well, I'm going to take my sandal out of my mouth and check on the Tempest, excuse me.

(light laughter)

MATT: You hear a brief bit of Keyleth cursing as the door opens temporarily.

MARISHA: Doh, goddamn it, writing!

(door closing)

TALIESIN: I think with that sound that I need a drink.

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: If you would care to accompany me?

MATT: You guys head to The Perfect Pearl?

SAM: The Perfect Pearl.

TALIESIN: The Perfect Pearl.

MATT: Okay. As you make your way through the hallways between the various separate little bungalow-like homes that sit on this beach front, you walk around sort of out front of The Perfect Pearl. You see two figures walking in from the deeper sands towards the water. You see wide brimmed hat, a tall human woman with blonde hair, braids pulled tightly back as she wears a comfortable swimsuit and a small halfling girl, darker skinned, light brown hair, wearing a similar type bathing suit, who's clutching a large tankard that is quite big in her hand as they both approach, look over and wave. And begin to rush up towards you and you see Allura, comes up and goes, "My goodness you've already arrived!" And goes and gives a big hug to you.

LAURA: How long have you been here?

MATT: "Well, we decided to arrive a few days early. We don't get to this side of Exandria very often. And Kima hasn't actually been to Shamal Bay before, so we decided--"

LAURA: Oh, Kima, are you enjoying it?

MATT: She's holding-- she goes, "Are you kidding me? This is great! It's warm, all the time. I don't really go swimming often, not much of a swimmer, to be honest, but I can float, and I can paddle and I can drink. And everything here is sweet and fruity. I love it."

LAURA: Yeah, it's wonderful.

MATT: "So you finally going to make an actual honest woman out of this one?"

TALIESIN: Well, there's nothing to be done about that, but at the very least we're cementing some titles at the very least.

MATT: "I can respect that. So uh, for the dinner tonight, we have drinks, right?"

LAURA: Oh, yes, so many.

TALIESIN: Of course.

LAURA: Kegs and kegs and all the whatever you want. It's on Whitestone.

MATT: (whispered aside) "Nothing this sweet, right?"

LAURA: Nothing this sweet.

MATT: "It's--"

LAURA: A couple things that sweet, but not everything that sweet.

MATT: "All right, all right." She finishes whatever she has. "Well, I guess let's start getting ready. I need a shower," and she grabs Allura's hand and begins walking off. Allura's like, "Oh, all right. Well, we'll join you in a bit, then (chuckles)." And they both head off towards their chamber.

TALIESIN: Well, I'm exhausted.


LAURA: I'm very tired and it's not even happened yet.

LIAM: Told you.


TALIESIN: I think we will have that drink, then. Going to go in and get us both something sweet.

LAURA: Okay.

TALIESIN: And very, very vacationy.

MATT: Easy enough to find. Dalen's Closet specializes in various twists on Marquesian alcoholic beverages, many of which are mixed with the many tropical fruits that are found in the vicinity of the northern shores of Marquet. They do have some more imported, harder liquors and wines, as well, but they're a bit pricey for what they are. But this particular bar specializes in things that'll give you a headache the next morning.

LAURA: Mm. I don't want a headache.

SAM: Just have some fizzy water afterwards.

LAURA: Okay. Okay, okay.

TALIESIN: We can make our way around them. It'll be fine.

MATT: Okay. So you guys want to relax for the remainder of the evening. Eventually, it gets a bit cloudy, like a marine layer begins to roll in. It's a gloomier night, or afternoon, but you do have a druid who can control weather, so at least when it comes time to the actual event.

LIAM: Score.

LAURA: I mean, everyone needs a druid at their wedding.

MATT: I would have loved to have a druid-- Well, we worked out okay, we worked out okay.

MARISHA: No, it was great.

TALIESIN: It was nice.

MATT: We were a little worried leading up to it.

LAURA: Same. It was raining in the morning.

MATT: Nevertheless, you have your drinks.

MARISHA: No, I'd probably be paranoid enough that I would be keeping an eye on it. As soon as another layer I would come in, I'd be like--

TRAVIS: Just fucking Gust after Gust cantrip.

MARISHA: That's right. Voice of the Tempest.

MATT: All right. So eventually, the sun begins to take the sky from its blue and gray to purples and oranges, and that, you know, is the cue to begin assembling for the rehearsal dinner. As you all begin to slowly piecemeal your way towards the event location, you can already see the small torches and candelabras are already lit, the tables are set, and some of your guests are already beginning to assemble and talk amongst themselves. You can see amongst them currently, you see Tary is already arranged in mid-conversation with the glorious Gilmore in a beautiful gold and silver and white robe, that billows past his arms. You haven't seen him outside of much purple. This is a very-- he dressed properly for the wedding.


MATT: Kima and Allura have already situated a place where they're going to sit. You see Jarett, you see Cassandra has arrived. The Vessar family is currently present, but as you all begin to approach, you can see Zana quickly steps up to approach and goes, "Hello, welcome, thank you so much for coming. If you'd like to sit down, there are some gifts that have arrived for the evening and the event tomorrow. And then we can begin the rehearsal."


TALIESIN: Well, of course.

LAURA: Great, yes, gifts.

TALIESIN: Yes, gifts, I suppose.

LAURA: I love gifts.

TRAVIS: Wait, wait, wait. I reach in my pocket and I bring out a bunch of flower petals and I start-- You keep going.

LAURA: Thank you, Grog.

TRAVIS: So back up!


SAM: Oh, wow.

TRAVIS: I said back up! Go ahead, whenever you're ready.

LAURA: Thank you. I start stepping on the flower petals. This going to be fun.

SAM: Do you get to open your presents now?

LAURA: I don't know. I don't know how it goes.

SAM: Well, you're all about protocol. What do you do?

TALIESIN: Technically, I suppose we could, if they have arrived early, then there wouldn't be any particular problem with it.

MATT: "There is for the event and the rehearsal, I think. They're not packaged presents. They're just--"


MATT: "--gifts from folks who could not be here, I think."


MATT: "One, uh-- " And you see Zana go through the list. "One is from a Nostoc Greyspine of Kraghammer."

LAURA: Oh, yes, yes.

MATT: "And has provided these." And points across the table and says, "Sets of polished mithril utensils for the event and for the keeping of Whitestone and its people."

LAURA: Good use of mithril, for sure.

TALIESIN: That's exciting.

MATT: "I also have number of cases of Stassman's Truscan Sunrise white and red wines from Kamordah of Wildemount, sent by Realmseer Eskil Ryndarien."

SAM: Oh, very thoughtful.

MATT: You would know, these wines are like super-- They're pretty expensive, like 60 to 70 gold a bottle, both white and red.

LAURA: Whoa.

MATT: "So these are for the rehearsal tonight and for the event tomorrow, if you would like. Nevertheless, please, sit and I'm, I'm-- (chuckles) my post is finished." And she steps back.

LAURA: Thank you.

MATT: "Of course, of course, you need anything, let me know. I'll just be right over there." And points over where there's a small chair situated by the nearest cluster of palm trees, where she sits and awaits for any sort of additional instruction. As the sun begins to slowly vanish over the horizon, you can see it turning a bright red, everyone begins to assemble and find their seats.

SAM: Crack open some of that red, will you?


TALIESIN: I don't see why not.

TRAVIS: I make my way over to Dakerd.

SAM: Dakerd?

LIAM: Sure, Dackerd's good.



TRAVIS: Hey, Dacard.

LIAM: That's me.

TRAVIS: Hi, you look like a quite capable fellow.

LIAM: Well, I'm not half your size, but I do all right.

TRAVIS: So tell me, as this is an evaluation process, what is the most amazing thing you've ever slayed?

LIAM: Are you about to attack me?

TRAVIS: No, no! Look, I just want to make sure if you're in charge of our Keyleth, that, like, you know, you can handle yourself. I have been tasked with a very important role, so I cannot keep my eyes on a swivel like I normally would.

LIAM: Understood. Well, you know the Voice of the Tempest, she can turn into just about anything.


LIAM: Pretty well handle herself.


LIAM: My being her is more of a formality, really, than real use, but I have slain a behir.

TRAVIS: Oh, shit.

LIAM: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Oh man, we saw one of those back in (gasps). It was like the OG days. Oh man, all by yourself?

LIAM: Well, there were a couple of us. I lead the charge.


LIAM: I've heard about you. I've heard about all of you.

SAM: What have you heard?


SAM: Hi.


SAM: Yes, hi, I'm down here.

LIAM: I know everyone in Zephrah knows about you all. The Voice of the Tempest has told us some, but you must know by now word of you lot have spread across the continent.

SAM: Well, then, we're doing our jobs well, yes.

LIAM: Heroes, that's what they say. The Tempest has told me that you guys can kind of be a pack of assholes.

TRAVIS: Yeah, that sounds more appropriate, actually, I don't know about the first part.

SAM: Yeah, question, do you always call her Tempest, Voice of the Tempest, Tempie, like, do you have a nickname or some shorthand?

TRAVIS: Yeah, Big T.

LIAM: Tempest, usually. There isn't any one. Sometimes we use kaitiakè, but that's situational.

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

SAM: Wow.

TRAVIS: Deep cut.


TRAVIS: He's passing. He's killing this interview right now, I'm just saying.

SAM: You said that you work for her. Is it just work? Or are you, you know?

LIAM: I'm a married man with four kids. Yes, it is just work.

TRAVIS: You got four kids?

SAM: Wow!

LIAM: Yeah.


LIAM: You see the bags under my eyes? I got four kids.

TRAVIS: Yeah. A handful.

SAM: Yeah.

TRAVIS: What's your favorite kind of weapon?


LIAM: (metallic unsheathing)

SAM: Oh!

LIAM: Pulls out an out of world Roman-style blade.

TRAVIS: (gasps) Gladius.

LIAM: Yeah. That's right.

TRAVIS: Oh, baby.

LIAM: And he gives it a spin and it is fucking sharp as hell, and you hear it go (zinging) through the air because the--

TRAVIS: He can stay.

LIAM: (sheathing)

SAM: How about magic? Do you have any magic on you?

LIAM: Don't have any of that. Don't understand it, don't want to understand it.

SAM: It's super complicated.

LIAM: I've got one skill, one application.

SAM: All right.

LIAM: Keep the chief alive.

SAM: Sure. The Chief, now that's a good nickname.


SAM: I like that.

TRAVIS: Chief T.

SAM: Chief Kief.

LIAM: I like that. Can I use that?

TRAVIS: You bet, yeah.

MARISHA: Sort of sounds like something else.

SAM: Kief, kief.

TRAVIS: Chief Kief.

TALIESIN: Chiefleth.

TRAVIS: Nice blend.

LIAM: Oh man, I'm remembering a joke from three days ago.


LAURA: No, no, no.

LIAM: That's not for this show.


TRAVIS: I think he can stay.

SAM: Oh, well, you're in luck because when Grog meets a new person, it's 50/50 whether they live or die.

TRAVIS: Yep, a lot of time they die.

LIAM: Do you know what Chief T has told me? That you can sing like a devil. Is that the case?

SAM: I have been known to make some music in my days. Yes, that's true.

LIAM: I have been looking forward to-- I mean, this is a wedding. I assume you're singing. Is that the case?

SAM: I would assume so, I mean, it's pretty-- Everyone's going to be singing.

LIAM: He very, not subtly, goes: Yes!


LIAM: Cool, cool.

SAM: Yeah, maybe I'll even write a song for you, Derrig.

LIAM: That's-- I mean, you can if you want, but that's totally not necessary.


TRAVIS: Very humble. I like him.

ASHLEY: Hello, Derrig.

LIAM: Oh, the Everlight. I've heard all about you.

ASHLEY: Well, I haven't heard anything about you, so.

TRAVIS: This is Derrig. He slayed a behir with a couple of folks, he's got a gladius sword, it's real sharp, and he works for Chief T-Kief.


ASHLEY: Well, what are your intentions with her?

TRAVIS: Yeah, what are your intentions with her?

LIAM: Just to keep her alive? I'm a bit of a new hire. I'm sorry, she's only been back for a relatively short amount of time, and it's only been the last three or four months that I've been taken on. She's been running the circuit, going all over the globe. Diplom-- I can't say much, but diplomacy missions and I've been there sort of as prop muscle, really.

ASHLEY: Do you love her?

LIAM: You just got here. I have three girls and a son and--

TRAVIS: You got four kids?

LIAM: I have four kids and a wife I love very much named Nel.

TRAVIS: Four, that's a handful.

LIAM: Yeah.

ASHLEY: So you're married?

LIAM: Yes.

ASHLEY: How long have you been married?

LIAM: 47 years.

ASHLEY: Whoa. That's a long time.

TRAVIS: You look so young.

LIAM: He, not subtly, rubs his slightly pointed half-elven ears.

ASHLEY: Well, you protect her with your life, so-- I'm going--

LIAM: That's the job. I will.

ASHLEY: I know, but sometimes people don't actually take that seriously.


ASHLEY: I'm going to go get a drink.

TRAVIS: Do you need any help with that?



MATT: The servants-- they're in the process-- they've opened a number of the really fine red and white wines, and they're starting to fill the glasses. You guys see them, over to the side, like just pouring just a little bit in each glass. "Um, would you like me to fill your glass as well?"

TRAVIS: Yeah, but do it the right way. Here, this Pike's cup first.


MATT: "Oh, all right, then."

ASHLEY: Well, this is the top and so you have to pour it to that.



MATT: "Of course, of course."

(bottle glugs)

TALIESIN: Oh my god.

(bottle continues glugging)

ASHLEY: Keep pouring, keep pouring.

TRAVIS: Get a little bit, yeah, yeah, keeping going. On the top, on the top. Yeah, drink it, drink it, yeah. Yeah, that's a good dob of wine!

MATT: "And would you like some as well, sir?"

TRAVIS: I'm sorry, is there a space between there and the top? Yeah, that's right, keep pouring. Yeah, that's right, okay, good.

LIAM: Aerate those, though, please. I think that's the best way to enjoy.

SAM: Very important.

TRAVIS: No, I'm going to wait for the ale, thank you very much.

MATT: "We don't have any ale."


MATT: "We have wine."

TRAVIS: I-- would like-- (tearfully) some ale.


ASHLEY: What do you mean you don't have ale?

MATT: "It was not part of the requests for the wedding. It was, it was proper wine. I'm sorry."

TRAVIS: I don't like fruity drinks, though.

ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

TRAVIS: I don't--

ASHLEY: Listen to me, what is your name?

MATT: "My name is Najeed."

ASHLEY: Najeed.

MATT: "Yes."

ASHLEY: You need to do whatever you can, you need to go whatever tavern you need to go to, and you need to get 25 casks of ale.


ASHLEY: That's just for tonight.

TRAVIS: (mumbling) Yeah, fine, 25.

MATT: "I will do my best. It might take a while."

ASHLEY: Here's some money.

MATT: And rushes off.

TRAVIS: What'd he say?

ASHLEY: It's okay, it's okay, I think he's going to go try to find some. I can't believe they don't have any ale here. I'm going to try to fix it.

TRAVIS: I feel like I'm on an island with no water.

ASHLEY: It's okay. Here, you can try this.


ASHLEY: You might like it, you might not.

TRAVIS: (sniffing) (aghast noise)

ASHLEY: It's good, it's good.

TRAVIS: It smells like food.

ASHLEY: You'll like it.


TRAVIS: Ugh! (mouth smacking) Oh, it's like drinking flowers.

ASHLEY: Ugh. Yeah, it is like drinking flowers.

TRAVIS: Yeah, it's got, like, hints of earth and, like, blackberry, and like, lava rock, and--

ASHLEY: You have a palate!


MARISHA: Oh my god, we never knew!

LIAM: He's a savant.

MARISHA: Holy shit!

ASHLEY: We'll get him a glass of that, just for now.

MATT: Somebody else comes up and (bottle glugs).

TRAVIS: Thank you.

ASHLEY: Thank you so much. I tip him.

MATT: "Did you want for more, sir?"

TRAVIS: No, relax.

MATT: And walks away.

ASHLEY and TRAVIS: (slurping) (laughter)

ASHLEY: Cheers, Grog.

TRAVIS: Cheers.


LAURA: Oh my god.

MATT: All righty. So everyone has their wines poured for the toast, everyone begins to find their seats, all your friends and family surround you, the immediate folks that were invited to be part of the rehearsal. The sun has set, the marine layer settles in, but the torches and the lights around keep it warm, and this cozy little space here on the beach.

LAURA: Trinket has a little bed, right next to the main table.

MATT: (bear grunts)

LAURA: And he's got one pink bow on him.

MATT: A little bowl of just all sorts of random meat assortments (loud, sloppy eating).

TALIESIN: And a hat for some strange reason, sorry.

MARISHA: Where'd you get that hat?

TRAVIS: Where'd he get the bowl of meat?

MATT: Who would like to begin the rehearsal?

TRAVIS: Everybody got nervous.


LAURA: Wait, how does that start?

MATT: Hey, it wasn't my choice to do this. You guys set this thing up.

LAURA: How do we start a rehearsal--

(glass tinkling)



SAM: Speech, speech, speech.

MARISHA: Hello, everybody. Most of you probably know me but, for those who don't, I am Keyleth.

TRAVIS: Chief T!

MATT: "Yes, indeed!" You see Gilmore clap.

MARISHA: Those are my friends in the back. We go way back. So I am the best man to Percy. Sorry, I've got to pull up my magical notes here. (laughter) You see, I actually wasn't asked to write a speech or be Percy's best man until, literally, hours ago. Which, probably, says more about me then it does Percy, now that I think about it. But here we are.

LAURA: It's only because it was assumed, darling, we just--

MARISHA: Oh, that was fine, I'm just kind of nervous. But, you know, kind of miss your impulsive side. You know, back when you had like a smoke monster in you, and you were attached to that. Which isn't a, um-- Oh, this is so stereotypical.

SAM: Another drink over here, please.


MARISHA: Um, okay, in all honesty, Percy is the closest thing that I've ever had to a brother and Vex is most definitely the closest thing that I could ever want for a sister. And all of Vox Machina is my chosen family. Which, not to diss real family, but I feel like it's a little bit more empowered because you made that choice. And I will honor that choice, from now, forever, and whichever plane we all end up on, I guess. To the bride and groom.

ALL: To the bride and groom!

SAM: Mazel tov.

TRAVIS: Eyes, eyes, eyes.

MARISHA: Who was next?

SAM: (as Tary) Oh. Maybe me? If we're doing speeches.

MARISHA: Oh yes, Taryon. Of course.

SAM: Hello, hi. That was a lovely speech, Keyleth.

TRAVIS: Hi, Tary!

MARISHA: I shouldn't try and be funny (chuckles).

SAM: You were wonderful. You know, it's not a competition, but I am an esteemed author, so I prepared a little bit of a speech ahead of time.

MATT: As a note real fast, technically everyone gets temporary hit points.


TRAVIS: Oh, shit!

MATT: So it's your level plus your charisma bonus, right?

MARISHA: Uh, yep.

TALIESIN: That's a lot of hit points.

MARISHA: So you get 20. Just 20.

LIAM: Sweet.

MATT: Everyone gets 20 temporary hit points from her Inspiring Leader feat.


TRAVIS: Oh my god, I only need a few more to get 300.

MARISHA: Drunk bridesmaid speech.

LAURA: Oh my god.

SAM: 300? You're like a kraken.

TRAVIS: I just need seven more. Speech again.

ASHLEY: Oh my god.

SAM: All right, Doty, I need the piece of paper, please.

MATT: "Tary."

SAM: Thank you.


MATT: You can see Doty has like a tailored suit, also, over.

SAM: All right, settle in and prepare to be dazzled. Doty, take this do-- Do not read that part. Okay.


SAM: (clears throat) I, Taryon Gary Darrington, have been awarded many honors in my life and career. The honor of serving as a full member of the mighty Vox Machina, the honor of leading the even mightier Darrington Brigade, the many honors and awards I have received as an acclaimed author. Side note: my suitcase is full of copies of my latest book, Blonde on Blonde: An Authorized Biography of a Legend. If you want a signed copy, see me later. But the highest honor I have ever received in my short and exciting life has been that of standing beside my best friend, and favorite late night gossip buddy, Vex'ahlia, as her man of honor. Vex, you and I have something in common: when I met your husband, I too, was smitten by him. As a friend, of course. We bonded over science. (sighs) And-- (clears throat) Science can explain so much, but it can't explain everything. For instance, when Percy kisses you at dusk, physics can explain the beautiful colors that paint the sky. When your heart beats faster as he approaches, biology can explain why. Engineering can help him mast the inner workings of a complicated clock, so that he knows what time it is to make you dinner when you're coming home. But the one thing science cannot explain, is the mysteries of passion. When he aims his gun, doesn't a small part of you get jealous for the target, for stealing his attention for just a moment? When you call him "darling," I've seen his hand tremble as if it knows no word more magical than that one. Your love for each other has crossed continents, pierced dimensions, traversed planes of existence. You have stood, in the face of gods, literal gods, and yet, Percy's face is the one burned in your head at night when you lay down to rest. Yes, science brought Percy and I together, but love is what brought you and he together. It will sustain both of you, as well as your many, many fancy children, for eternity. Do we understand love? No. There's no need. But large or small, cunning or naive, rich or poor, all of us at this wedding cherish it. And so a toast: To me, for making an excellent speech. (laughter) Hear, hear.

ALL: Hear, hear.

MATT: "Hear, hear."

TRAVIS: Hi, Tary!

SAM: Hi, Grog. I'm going to go throw up now. (throwing up)


TALIESIN: Well then.

LAURA: I would have never known.

MATT: At which point, Allura at the back, "Are there any more speeches to be had?"

LAURA: I think that's it, just a small group.

TALIESIN: For tonight.

MATT: "Very well, then, uh--" She looks over towards the coordinator, the coordinator goes, "Then it is time for the food, all right." And they begin to bring the meals out and setting the tables. I need everyone to make a constitution saving throw for me.


SAM: Oh no. We being poisoned by the fish?

MATT: No one's eaten yet.

LAURA: Oh no.

TRAVIS: Oh, natural 20.

MATT: Nice.

LAURA: What? What is it with you and one shots?

MATT: Disadvantage on you, Pike, actually.

LAURA: What, why?

ASHLEY: Say again?

MATT: Disadvantage for you.

ASHLEY: Disadvantage for me?

MATT: Yeah, constitution saving throw.

SAM: 16.



LIAM: 21.

LAURA: Nine.



LIAM: Wow.

MATT: As the food's going out, you watch as members of the wedding party begin to get a little drowsy.

LAURA: The wine.

MATT: And begin to loll their heads a bit and look a bit confused. Percy, you look across at Vex'ahlia and both of you lock eyes as your vision begins to fuzz and fade, the tunnel vision closing. Eventually you hear the (body falling over) as chairs fall back.

SAM: Oh no.

MATT: Whole stools stumble back into sand, as the majority of the entire party present at this rehearsal dinner fall unconscious. Stabilized at zero hit points.

SAM: Oh, shit.

MATT: That is all of you, except for Grog and Derrig.


MARISHA: Oh my god.

MATT: You both, however, are poisoned. For the next hour.

LIAM: Hour.

SAM: All of us are down?

MATT: All of you are at zero hit points and stabilized.

SAM: Shit.


MARISHA: Oh, fuck.

MATT: While you both are fine, you're not unconscious, but you're poisoned.

TRAVIS: (coughing)

MATT: The servers suddenly start looking around nervously. One of them who may have--

TRAVIS: What did you do?

MATT: Who may have snuck a drink begins to fall over and the bottle of wine shatters across one of the table edges.

LIAM: I'm scanning--


LIAM: The entire area for any incoming threat.

MATT: Perception check for both of you.

TRAVIS: What looks out of place.

LIAM: Is it a disadvantage because of the poison? I can't remember.

MATT: Poison is disadvantage to-- All attack rolls and ability checks, so yes, disadvantage on your perception checks.

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

LIAM: Shit! It was good and then it wasn't.

TRAVIS: Yeah same, 12.

LIAM: Much less. Three.

MATT: All right. As you guys look out, your vision is completely obfuscated by the pulsing of this toxin in your veins. As you look across, you see other members. You see Gilmore stand up from his chair and go, "What's going--on--" And falls back into the sand.

TRAVIS: Gilmore?

MATT: You see Kima currently trying to wake Allura up. "Allura!" Shaking her and even she's like, (painful grunt) You look back and watch as fog, heavy fog, is rolling in from the ocean and then hits the beach, like a heavy wind just carries this mist that suddenly engulfs the entirety of this beach side. Cold air and moisture hits your face, as your vision is suddenly clouded, up to a distance of about 15 to 20 feet.

TRAVIS: Duergar, watch out.

MATT: Shadows begin to move quickly amongst the fog.

SAM: Did he call him "duergar"?


LAURA: Trinket's awake, too, FYI.

TRAVIS: Fuckin'--come on out!

MATT: Oh yeah, Trinket did not drink any wine, so Trinket is fine. As you see the shapes moving quickly in the mist, (whooshing movements), we're going to go ahead and take a break.

ALL: (shouting)

LAURA: What?!

MARISHA: It feels so soon.

SAM: This is crazy.

MARISHA: Oh, I guess so.

SAM: Wow, wow.

LAURA: What? We're all going to die before we even get married.

LIAM: So this is how Vox Machina dies.


TRAVIS: Yeah, just death saves and you're fucking out.

MATT: Well, stabilized. You're not taking death saves at this point, but you are at zero hit points.

TRAVIS: What if they crit on a zero hit point person? That's two on--

MATT: That's two death saves.

LIAM: If you crit--

TRAVIS: That's what I'm talkin' about.

LIAM: You must acquit.

TRAVIS: Who do I want to save? Hmm. I'll take bribes at the break.

SAM: It's the best wedding I've ever been to.

TRAVIS: Holy shit.


MATT: It's not the wedding yet.

SAM: Oh, you're right.

MATT: It's just the rehearsal. So we'll pick up here in a few minutes, while we take a break--

LAURA: Oh my god.

MATT: And we'll see you guys in a second.

LIAM: The wedding's tomorrow.


♫♫ You are both unique. You've faced death together You've faced death together multiple times. You've entertained each other, You've entertained each other, created for each other, and now it's time to show and now it's time to show that special someone just how deeply you feel for them. Instead of choosing a Instead of choosing a vengeance filled smoke monster vengeance-filled smoke monster living inside a pistol, or staying with an acrimonious tree spirit or staying with an acrimonious tree spirit with deep-seated toxic masculinity, Choose each other, with these dazzling new rings from with these dazzling new rings from Critical Role and Han Cholo. By the Dawnfather's sweet blessing, By the Dawnfather's sweet blessing, be the champion of each other's hearts. The studio is haunted! Marisha! Marisha! Marisha! Burn it all down! (mysterious music) Like a symphony playing to an empty theater, Critical Role dines alone without its audience. Yes, that validating and most enthusiastic congregation on the other side of the fourth wall. And what is this fourth wall separating the viewer from the creator? A portal to an often-sought point of connection? Or the Twitch Subscription Zone? On the rare occasion that you miss the live bacchanal boasted by the ragtag group of thespians on Thursday night, you may always view the show on demand in the shadowland known as the Twitch Subscription Zone. Picture if you will the necessary pieces to complete a jigsaw puzzle, but it's up to you to choose how it will be solved. You could of course subscribe with your debt rectangle, but many more divergent paths lie before you. Perhaps you've found yourself in possession of an Amazon Prime account. You would then wake up to discover a free Twitch subscription each month for a channel of your choosing. But this artifact demands renewal, for you must re-subscribe each month to quench its unyielding thirst. One need not walk alone. Those who have already found their way can illuminate the path for others via the Gift a Sub button on Twitch. Critical Role is humbled by your subscription, and wishes to thank you from behind the thin veil of this fourth wall. We hope you enjoy our content as much as we enjoy making it. And so ends another meandering digression, a complicated parody promo down an indistinct highway to the region we call the Twitch Subscription Zone. (mysterious music) You will subscribe. Twitch Prime subscribe. Gift subscribe. Subscribe. (upbeat music) What do the Critters in the other 'verses say about me? Shut up, you emaciated bitch! String bean! Bean pole! You sandwich-sized ziploc full of shit. You moldy, rusted spit can. You ignorant, disgusting waste of blood cells. You're so fuckin' stupid, you couldn't track a giraffe in snow. You re-animated trash heap! You disowned Olsen twin. That doesn't sound appealing at all. Yes, not appealing, just like your shovel mouth, you ugly little dirt merchant. Oh. (laughing) Shovel mouth, dirt merchant? Oh, happy to see your chiseled, handsome face, chosen one. And your dried-up cow shit excuse for a mug too, chestnut. Oh no. But if Travis is the chosen one, what does that make me? A liability. (laughing) That's the liability. Oh, god. He's a disgusting man with flesh-colored beard, he will probably die alone 'cause no one wants to hitch their wagon to a two-legged horse with macular degeneration and permanent resting bitch face. Oh, that is harsh. Man, he sounds like a trough filled with shit. And remember, this isn't me saying this. They say a tether ball's pole's got more meat on it than you. That you're a malnourished, dried up volleyball-looking little fuck. (laughing) And once again, keep in mind, this is not me, I am merely just a messenger of the many bards across the lands. I don't believe this. Okay, okay. Do all the Critters hate me? I think so. I am in their good graces, being the chosen one. You, however, (clears throat) are a piece of shit. My god. (gentle music)

Part II[]

MATT: And welcome back. So last we left off, most of the wedding party present for the rehearsal dinner began to grow woozy before falling unconscious, stabilized at zero hit points. All those who had enough physical constitution to remain conscious, find themselves poisoned and trying to take in what's happening in their surroundings.

TRAVIS: Lightweights.

MATT: As the heavy fog rolls in and completely obfuscates the seaside vicinity of this event-- What's going on? So we have both Derrig and Grog, what are you guys doing?

LAURA: And Trinket.

LIAM: Where is the Voice of the Tempest in comparison to Derrig?

MATT: You're right next to her.

LIAM: I'm right next to her? So-- and the shadows are coming out from the water? Shit, I'm doing Vax's voice. What the fuck am I doing?



LIAM: They're everywhere?

MATT: Well, you actually don't know because you rolled a really shitty perception.

LIAM: Yeah, I have no idea, so, blade is out and I'm holding an action for the moment that someone tries to attack the Voice of the Tempest.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: I will strike that creature.

TRAVIS: I close on the bridal party as well. Yeah, I close on the bride and groom.

MATT: The bride and groom? Okay.

LAURA: Trinket's pushing my face, wondering why I'm not awake.

MATT: So you move around over here?

TRAVIS: Mm-hmm. And were they coming, generally, from the direction of the water or from multi-directions?

MATT: From multi-directions, from what you can see in the vicinity.

LIAM: I'm sure everybody here is nice, but I'm here for a job.

MATT: Trinket comes from over here. All right. (whooshing movements) You see a figure come quickly within range of the two of you from behind, just along where the water edge is, (whooshing) warping around. Both of you guys are-- You're holding your action, so you get your attack.

LIAM: Okay, so I will attack and I will spend a superiority die, because I'm a Battle Master.

SAM: Battle Master, what is that?

LIAM: And I will do a goading attack.

LAURA: A goat attack?

LIAM: Get-- a goat attack.

SAM: (goat scream)


ASHLEY and SAM: (goat screaming)

LIAM: That is a 22 to hit.

MATT: 22 to hit, definitely hits.

LIAM: Okay, so goading attack-- whatever this things is has to make a wisdom save, 18.

TRAVIS: ♪ Lying on the cold, hard ground ♪

ALL: (goat screaming)

MATT: That is a fail.

LIAM: Fail, so whatever this thing, it has disadvantage on all attacks against anything but me.

MATT: You got it.

LIAM: Right now. Should I roll damage on that or should I go to the next--

MATT: No, go ahead and roll damage.

LIAM: Okay, I rolled, that is--

(goat scream) (laughter)

16 plus the superiority die. Brand new character, brand new rules. 16 plus-- oh, that's 24 total.

MATT: 24, nice.

LIAM: With my vorpal sword.


SAM: You have a vorpal sword?

LIAM: I do!

SAM: Cool.

LIAM: Hope I get a 20. Second is-- not a 20, it is a-- 28.

LAURA: But it is better than the first roll.

MATT: That hits, you can roll damage.

LIAM: Yes, that's all that matters, right? 28. That is 16 damage.

MATT: 16 points of damage on the second strike. You have a third attack, right?

LIAM: (head popping)

MATT: You have your third attack because you're a fighter of 17th level.

LIAM: Oh, I have three now?

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: Wow, man. So many classes.

TRAVIS: What were you doing this whole time? This is great.

LIAM: Oh, 15 again, so that definitely hits.

MATT: Yeah, roll damage for another attack.

SAM: Vorpal, vorpal, vorpal.

LIAM: Vorpal, vorpal, Amy Vorpahl. That is a 15.

MATT: 15. So, as soon as you see a shape, just swing by across the back, you immediately cut through, the figure (painful gurgle) turns to the side and you see a humanoid about your size, wrapped in dark gray and black clothing, face obscured, fall to the ground (grunt) and turn back towards you, looking in your direction, as part of the goading attack, and is now focused. You can see the eyes narrowed angrily in your direction.

LIAM: Give it a couple spins (sword spinning).

MATT: Correct. I need you guys to roll initiative.

LIAM: Yeah.

LAURA: All of us?

SAM: The ones that are all asleep?

MATT: Now you roll initiative if you wake up, somebody has to get you up, though.

LAURA: Oh, okay. Does Trinket roll initiative?

MATT: Trinket does, yes.

TRAVIS: Oh, sweet advantage. Okay.

LIAM: Not great.

MATT: All right. So 25 to 20? 20 to 15?


LAURA: 18.

SAM: 17.

LAURA: You're awake?

SAM: No, I'm not.

LIAM: So you don't do shit.

SAM: Wait.

MATT: Don't roll unless you come to consciousness.

SAM: 17.

LIAM: You entered a combat stream once you are conscious.

SAM: You're awake?

MATT: What'd you get?

LIAM: 12.

LAURA: Trinket's awake.

SAM: Oh.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Still 17.

ASHLEY: Did you roll Scanlan and Taryon?

SAM: I could, but I don't have the stats for Taryon, so I'm going to just--

MATT: Tary passed out.

TRAVIS: He be drinkin'.

SAM: He passed out from the speech.

MATT: All right, so.

SAM: This has nothing to do with the wine.

MATT: Grog and Trinket actually go first. So the figure that moved behind, moved there and is currently now-- head up to that side right there. All right, so, top of it, Grog and Trinket, what are you guys doing?

TRAVIS: Uh, clearly, I would like to rage!

LAURA: Trinket's going to run up and attack him from one side, so that Grog can flank him.

MATT: All right. Going to go around you mean?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Like jumps over?

LAURA: (bear roaring) Yeah.

MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: Yeah, open up that other side for me, please.

LIAM: (like Grog) Flowers, everywhere.

MATT: You got it.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'd like to make both attacks reckless.

MATT: Go for it.

TRAVIS: Yeah. So I'll take the first one, no Great Weapon Master. Yeah, okay, that is-- Jesus, that's a lot. I got to remember to do math, 20, 26.

MATT: That hits.

TRAVIS: Great, that was first one.

LAURA: Jeez louise.

TRAVIS: That's 19-- (whispering) plus four, 23-- (regular volume) 22 points of slashing damage.

MATT: Oof! The figure falls down to one knee and is looking pretty hurt.

TRAVIS: I will do the second one with Great Weapon Master, reckless. Same thing. 23 minus five, 18.

MATT: 18 hits, go ahead roll damage.

TRAVIS: All right. Two, 12, 13, plus four, 17, 27. 27 points of slashing damage.

MATT: 27 points of slashing damage. You go ahead and hack through. The figure falls to the ground, turns to mist.

TRAVIS: Uh, uh, uh-- Demetri, he turned to mist when I hit him.

LAURA: Is there anybody else?

MATT: You just completely missed it. That finishes you turn?

TRAVIS: Oh, yeah.

MATT: Trinket as well?

LAURA: Is there anybody else to attack?

MATT: Right now, you don't see any, the mist is too strong. Actually, I should have--

LIAM: Oh, here it comes, here it comes.

MATT: I should have had that covered.

LAURA: Trinket's going to hold his attack for anybody that comes near him, he's going to guard his mama.

MATT: You got it. All right. So. After you guys finished your turns, the mist encompassing the space here.

LAURA: Oh, it's encompassing!

MATT: You hear (wind whipping) there's some movement around, just darting figures. The one here that was turned to mist, just begins to drift off and disappears into the surrounding fog that has encompassed the beach side.

LIAM: It looks so good on the beach.

LAURA: Yeah, it really does.

TRAVIS: We've got to start waking people up.

MATT: That brings us to Derrig.

LIAM: Derrig will--

MATT: Durig or Derrig?

LIAM: Derrig, yeah.

MATT: Derrig.

LIAM: Derrig will drop to one knee and shake the Voice of the Tempest in an attempt to wake her.

MATT: All right, go ahead and make a medicine check.

LIAM: Medicine check? Good roll, 17.

MATT: A 17, you go ahead and look down at her, grab some quick herbs that you keep in your pouch, just for this sort of occasion, crush them and hold them under her nose. And we'll say, brings you to one hit point to come to consciousness.

LIAM: Druid life. Up, up, we got to move.

MARISHA: (moaning)

MATT: Go ahead and roll your initiative, please.


MATT: 12, all right. Yeah?

ASHLEY: Does the Plate of the Dawn Martyr do anything?

MATT: Are you wearing the plate armor to the--

ASHLEY: Probably not.


TRAVIS: (clanking armor) Dearly beloved.

MATT: So no, unfortunately. All right, top of the round, Grog, Trinket?

TRAVIS: Can we see--

LAURA: Trinket's going to go over and lick Vex's face to try to wake her up.

MATT: Grog?

TRAVIS: Can we see anything and like--

MATT: You staying there looking around?

TRAVIS: Well, I mean, no, I'll move--

MATT: Make a perception check if you want to stay there and look but--

TRAVIS: But that's my action, right?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Well, then, fuckin' that shit, no. I'll run over and I jump up on that middle table.

MATT: Over here?

TRAVIS: Yeah. Boom! You fucks! Do I see anything?

MATT: You do, you see another figure over here that is just darting through and sees you, and jumps up to engage.

TRAVIS: Ravioli! And I'll make two reckless attacks at him.

MATT: Okay. So I'll put you back up there so you're within range, there.

TRAVIS: One. Oh, so close to a natural 20, but it was cocked. Oh, that's fine, that's a 34.

MATT: That hits.

TRAVIS: Okay. No Great Weapon Master on that one, so that is five, 11, 16 plus four is 20. 20 points of slashing damage.

SAM: Jesus.

MATT: Nice.

TRAVIS: The second one with Great Weapon Master, reckless. Oh, that's not good, 19, oh it's going to miss, I bet. 14 to hit.

MATT: 14? Misses.


MATT: You go to swing and this first strike goes through and you watch as a dark blood spatters across the beach side sand on the ground. The creature looks up at you, now close up, seeing its eyes burn with a bright red rage. They glow like pinpoints of burning coal.

TRAVIS: The fuck?

MATT: Then that, you swing a second time and the creature seems to dodge out of the way with an inhuman speed.

TRAVIS: They shook me.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: All right.

MATT: Trinket rushes up to find that Vex isn't there.

LAURA: (gasping)

MATT: And neither is Percy.

SAM: What?

LIAM: They've stolen the bride and groom.


SAM: Oh, no.

TRAVIS: I fucking said it and then I fucking--

LAURA: (gasps) Vesper?

MATT: Trinket goes (confused bear sniffing) and just starts freaking out in space, unable to see where you went.

MARISHA: Oh, fuck.

SAM: Oh no.

MATT: So for the purposes of this fight, you are both out.

TRAVIS: I said it at the fucking break, and then I didn't stick to my shit. I got distracted by the smoke ninjas.

MATT: So with that--


MATT: -- it comes to their turn. This one leaps up onto the table next to Grog. And I'm getting a pincer as this one moves in here, so they're both flanking you. They're both going to attack you. Two attacks.


MATT: Both with a claws--

TRAVIS: And they get advantage.

MATT: They do. So the first claw attack, their fingers have these--

TRAVIS: Claws?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Red eyes and claws.

MATT: This one is 19 to hit.

TRAVIS: That's my AC.

MATT: That hits, all right. So you take from the claws, from the one that's right behind you, that just jumped up and just rakes into your back. (slashing)

TRAVIS: (groaning)

MATT: That is, ooh, two fours on 2d4. 11 points of slashing damage, reduced to five.

TRAVIS: Right.

MATT: And you are grappled.


MATT: And the other attack is going to be-- ooh, nice, 21.


MATT: That hits you. Suddenly, after you hear the claw in your back, grabs you and then you feel this sharp pain in your neck as the creature bites--

TRAVIS: What the fuck?

MATT: Into the side of your shoulder and throat.

SAM: It's a vampire?

LIAM: First miniature was vampire with red eyes.

MATT: All right, you take three points of piercing damage, it was six reduced to three.


MATT: And then you also suffer-- ooh, nine points of necrotic damage and your maximum hit points are reduced by nine.

TRAVIS: Oh shit, okay. That's the full nine and then hit points, good, okay.

MATT: Yep.

TRAVIS: Thank god for those temporary hit points.

MATT: The other one goes with its claws, first strike and misses, it's going to be 15.

TRAVIS: Okay, yep.

MATT: Misses you. Second claw attack against you, natural 20.

TRAVIS: That hits.

MATT: A ten and natural 20. So you take-- oh that's 2d4, sorry. All right. 15 points of damage, reduced to a seven, so seven points of slashing damage from there. And that finishes their turn.

LIAM: You about out of hit points now?

MATT: The one you had struck earlier, you watch the wounds begin to heal up a bit.



LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: All right, brings it to Keyleth and Derrig. So you guys have both 12 initiatives.

LIAM: Tempest first.

MARISHA: Where's Pike?

LIAM: I can't see her in the fog.

MARISHA: Can I-- I want to look and see if I can find Pike.

MATT: Okay, so you stand up.


MATT: You get up in place. That's half your movement. 15 feet.

MARISHA: Do I see her over the table? Can I do some Tempest shit as I get up?

SAM: Tempest shit.

MARISHA: Do a little air gust, or will that burn my entire action?

MATT: That is a cantrip, to use the Gust cantrip, it's your action to do that, up to you.

MARISHA: Can I see Pike through the fog?

MATT: Right now, you can see about 15 feet. You see Scanlan at your feet, you see Derrig in front of you and you see Trinket behind you. You do not immediately see Pike at a quick glance.

MARISHA: I don't immediately see Pike.

MATT: You know where she was sitting so you could move, you have 15 feet of movement still.

MARISHA: I know where she was?

MATT: Yeah, you guys were all sitting, you know where the arrangement was of the table.

MARISHA: Okay, I'll try and head towards her.

MATT: Okay, on top of the table or through them?

MARISHA: Whatever's quickest, I can climb on a table.

MATT: Okay, so you would leap up onto this table and there you can see Keyleth on the ground unconscious.

MARISHA: Okay, I'm going to--

LIAM: Pike.

MATT: Oh, I forgot, remember Grog-- it's fine for now-- you're poisoned.

TRAVIS: All right.

MATT: So even with reckless, you're rolling a single attack roll.

TRAVIS: Copy that.

MATT: Without reckless, you're at disadvantage.

TRAVIS: Gotcha.

MATT: Same for you, Derrig. That's my fault for forgetting that.

MARISHA: I'm going to reach over--

MATT: We'll say now the poison kicks in even harder and now you're feeling the detrimental effects of it.

MARISHA: I'm going to reach over to Pike and cast Greater Restoration on her. In hopes that that gets her up.

MATT: Greater Restoration?


MATT: Okay. As you cast the spell, focus on her body, you hope that whatever may have been within her body is cleansed.

MARISHA: Okay. Think that's all I can do for right now.

MATT: You have a bonus action still, if you wanted to.

MARISHA: Oh, I'll bonus action Healing Word then, because that is a bonus action spell.

MATT: That is. All right, so go ahead use the--

MARISHA: And I'll get Pike up.

MATT: Old campaign rules.

MARISHA: Old campaign. Well, now, Healing Word is bonus action spell. One, it's one plus my druid level, right?

MATT: No, it's 1d4 plus your wisdom modifier.

MARISHA: Oh, plus my wisdom modifier.

MATT: I know, it's been a while.

ALL: ♪ It's been a while ♪


MATT: Goddamn it.

MARISHA: You have seven hit points, Pike.

MATT: There you go.

LAURA: That's our wedding song.

MATT: Pike, you come to-- (laughs) It is now, it is now. (laughter) Pike, you gain some hit points, you come to consciousness on the ground and you need to roll initiative for me, if you don't mind.


MATT: And Derrig, you're up.

ASHLEY: Okay, ten.

MATT: Ten, all right.

TRAVIS: "Teen."

LIAM: Well, Brit.

TRAVIS: Euw-eh.

LAURA: Euw-eh.

MATT: Your turn, Derrig.

LIAM: Okay, I'm going to advance on the being closest to me, that's attacking Grog.

MATT: You rush up, you can just see the figure move out of the shadows, but it's within 15 feet of you, so the fog isn't completely enclosing your vision. You rush up, blade ready.

LIAM: Yeah, sword gets a spin as I go and I'm going to attack the bastard three times. First one is an 18 plus 13-- hits.

MATT: Yep.

LIAM: That is-- Oh, oh, yes, that is 17. Second attack.

MATT: Nice, 17 points of damage, second attack.

LIAM: Second attack probably whiffs, that's a 16.

MATT: 16 hits.

LIAM: Okay. That is a ten damage, and third one. Dang it. Definitely hits, I rolled a 19.

MATT: Yep.

LIAM: I want that 20 so bad. Two plus nine is 11.

MATT: 11 points of damage. So as you rush up behind it, it's on the back of Grog, like scratching and it had just finished biting into his throat and pulling him back, as soon as it turns around and sees you approach (slashing sword) three large cuts as it carves through (monster groan and hiss) and it hisses at you, you can see now the fanged teeth in its mouth.

LIAM: Excellent.

MATT: Exposed blood now dripping down the front of its jaw.

LIAM: Grog blood?

MATT: Grog blood.

LIAM: Does such a thing exist?

MATT: It does.

LIAM: I will use my-- As a Shield Master, I will use bonus action to do a shield master shove to try to knock this asshole prone, so he has to make an athletics contest with me.

MATT: You've got it, all right. 15.

LIAM: 20.

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: So I take my shield and I just swing it like a Captain America shield into his shins, which will knock it out from under him, and then I'm going to back towards the Voice of the Tempest, and guard.

MATT: You got it.

LIAM: Stand ready.

MATT: You got it, all right, cool. So you swing out of the way. Pike, you're up. You're conscious, you're on the ground still.

ASHLEY: Okay, god, I just drank a little bit too much. So I'm going to stand up.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: Look around.

MATT: You see Keyleth there and Keyleth is haggard, you're both at one-- or you're at seven hit points, she's at one hit point. You guys are looking real bad.

ASHLEY: Okay, so, I'm going to--

MATT: You hear combat nearby, like some striking blades and some hissing, Grog yelling and raging, but you can't quite see where he is at this time.

TRAVIS: I'll fuckin'-- he bit me!

ASHLEY: Okay, so, I am going to cast Mass Healing Word.

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: Up to six creatures, so anybody I can see.

LAURA: Including Scanlan on the ground, still.

SAM: Who else is down?

MATT: I mean, everyone else is down, Kima is actual awake, trying to wake Allura, but she's also like poisoned as well.

ASHLEY: Yeah, Allura, Scanlan.

MATT: For how much?

ASHLEY: Keyleth, okay so-- Goodness, it's been a minute. Okay--

LAURA: At what level?

ASHLEY: 1d4 for each one above 3rd, okay, okay, okay.

LAURA: What level are you casting again?

ASHLEY: I'm going to cast at-- 4th-level, so.

LAURA: 2d4 plus--

ASHLEY: Oh, that's a lot of--

SAM: Jesus. A big box of dice.

TRAVIS: I know. Laura's infected this side of the table.

SAM: Oh no.

TRAVIS: It's happening.

MATT: It slowly spreads.

TRAVIS: Slowly but surely.

MARISHA: It's a cute centerpiece, though.

TALIESIN: I like it.

MARISHA: Like, it's nice.

SAM: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome the bride and groom for their first dance, dancing to Staind.


MATT: All righty.


MATT: 17 hit points to-- to Pike.

SAM: 17 hit points you said?

ASHLEY: Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

LAURA: What did you roll?

MARISHA: For Mass Cure Wounds?

ASHLEY: Plus your spell casting ability modifier.

LAURA: That's your-- you cast with what?

MATT: Your wisdom modifier.

ASHLEY: Sorry, sorry, sorry.

MATT: It's all good--


MATT: It's been a while.

ASHLEY: Okay, so I'm so sorry. It's 11, 11.

MATT: Okay, 11 points to Keyleth, 11 points to Pike, 11 points to Scanlan and then 11 points to-- You said Kima.

ASHLEY: Kima, Grog--

LAURA: Allura.

MATT: Grog and Allura.


TRAVIS: Now don't hit me, don't hit me, I'm good. Give it to somebody else.

LIAM: Derrig looks hardy.

MATT: Her choice.


TRAVIS: Gilmore's here, right?

LAURA: Gilmore, hit Gilmore.

MATT: You don't see Gilmore at the moment.

LAURA: Damn it.

ASHLEY: Did I get everybody, did I get everybody? Sorry, this has been a minute.

SAM: How 'bout yourself, did you get yourself?

ASHLEY: Yeah, I did, I did. Yeah, okay.

MATT: Scanlan, you're up and Kima gained plus 17.

ASHLEY: Yikes.

LIAM: That was a little Nott-y.

SAM: (yells)

LAURA: 11.

SAM: (as Nott) What's going on?

LAURA: Plus whatever.

MATT: All right, that finishes your turn, Pike?

ASHLEY: Okay, I'm going to--

MATT: You used your action, you used half your movement, to get up. You have 15 more feet--

ASHLEY: Well, that's a bonus action.

MATT: Oh, you still have your action then.

ASHLEY: So-- yes. So I'm going to-- Are there any guys that I can see within range?

MATT: Actually, you can just see this guy that got knocked down by Derrig. That is right next to Grog.

ASHLEY: Great. I'm going to Guiding Bolt him up the butt.

TRAVIS: Yeah! Right up the butt.

MATT: Level one, level two?

ASHLEY: Let's go level two.

MATT: All right, level two. Go ahead and roll an attack. Because he is prone, you do have disadvantage on the attack roll, because he's on the ground and harder to see from a ranged attack.


MATT: So now you add your spell attack bonus.

ASHLEY: That was high. Oh, ah-ha. I rolled one natural 20 and then I rolled a 17, so 28.

MATT: Still hits, go ahead and roll your damage.

ASHLEY: Okay. So that's, wait, what's Guiding Bolt at--

MATT: Guiding Bolt--

ASHLEY: Did I say 2nd-level? I think that's 5d6?


ASHLEY: I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

TALIESIN: We're scary, we're scary now, so.

ASHLEY: Thank you. Hold on.

LAURA: Hold on, let me pull up my--

MATT: Guiding Bolt, it gives you an initial d6, so it's 5d6.

ASHLEY: Yes, 5d6, okay.


ASHLEY: Okay, ooh. Okay, so, that's 12, 18--

LAURA: ♪ It's D&D ! ♪

MARISHA: ♪ D&D Beyond! ♪

ASHLEY: Okay, so 24 plus-- do you add anything? I'm so sorry.

TRAVIS: Spell attack bonus?

MATT: No, it's just 5d6 radiant damage.

ASHLEY: Just 5d6, okay, it's 24 points of radiant damage.

MATT: 24, nice! (missile blasting) She blasts into it, you see the divine flames burn across its chest and it hisses and struggles on the table, its back against the wood. It's looking very hurt and it tries to stand back up, you can see its face burning into ash from the divine power. And there's a light now around it, that makes the next attack against it with advantage, so.

ASHLEY: Oh, yeah.

MATT: Do you want to move or stay where you are?

ASHLEY: Nope, I'm going to stay where I am.

MATT: Okay, you got it. Finishing Pike's turn, now it's Kima's turn. Kima sees Allura come to consciousness, she's going to go ahead and pump a shit-ton of her Lay on Hands into her. Going to heal her for 50 hit points.

SAM: Whoa! She has that many Lay on Hands points? That's crazy.

MATT: High level paladin, man. She's just like, "Allie, wake up. "We need your help." (coughing) and is coughing from the poison inside.

LIAM: You got to lay your wife.

MATT: Turns around, goes ahead, and she doesn't have her blade at her side, you know. You guys kept your weapons because you're Vox Machina, but she's going to go ahead and use her movement to then go ahead and rush over to where everyone laid their arms at the side. Just going to head over to there. Rolling for Allura's initiative, okay.

TRAVIS: Where are the bride and groom, what the fuck?

MATT: Bring us to the top of the round, Grog and Trinket.

TRAVIS: Oh yeah, I'll turn around on the fucker that just bit me from behind, because he got Guiding Bolted, I get advantage on that attack, right?

MATT: You do.


MATT: So you don't have to do reckless on that attack, if you want to do reckless the whole round you got to still do reckless.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'll do reckless anyway because I'm going to spend it on the other fuck behind me.

MATT: All right, so the guy on the ground, it's a standard roll because you're still poisoned.

LAURA: Wait, Trinket's going to run up and attack it from the other side.

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

LAURA: That way you're flanked, he's flanked.

MATT: There you go.

TRAVIS: Yeah, what's that do?

MATT: Does nothing to him in the circumstance but Trinket will bonuses to attack.

TRAVIS: Does Trinket want to hit first? Go for it, yeah.

LAURA: And he bites it.

MATT: All right go for it. Advantage with Trinket on Trinket's attacks, go for it.

LAURA: Yeah! Ooh, that's a crit, Trinket got crit!

MATT: Hell yeah! (cheering) Praise to the bear.

TRAVIS: He's pissed, his mama's gone.

LAURA: Oh my god, wait, so I said he was biting him, right?

MATT: Yep.

LAURA: So that's 2d6.


TRAVIS: (laughing)

LAURA: Six, 12 plus four, is 16.

TRAVIS: (laughing) "What?"

LAURA: Biting damage.

MATT: All right, so Trinket sinks his teeth into this entity, tears into it, the light itself blasting forth from the Guiding Bolt, it burns away. The creature's looking like it's in a bad, bad place. Trinket going to make another attack or--?

LAURA: He gets two attacks?

MATT: I don't know.

LAURA: Multi-attack, he gets two attacks. Now he's going to claw him at the same time. He only doesn't get advantage on this one though?

MATT: It's flanked and-- well, it's prone too, so yeah--

LAURA: He's flanked and prone. Natural 20!


TRAVIS: Way to go, Trinket!

MATT: This bear is not happy that it can't find its master. He is not--

LAURA: That's eight points of piercing damage.


MATT: How does he want to do this?


LIAM: Vampire hunter Trinket.

MATT: This is like the second time I think it's taken out an undead of this caliber.

LAURA: He's going to bite into him and then while he's biting his face, he's going to claw his body and rip him in half.

MATT: All right, the body comes (tearing) tears into two pieces and (body bouncing) bumps the ground, then turns into mist and just goes off into the rest of the fog around.

TRAVIS: Nicely done, Trink. I'll just reckless on the guy in front of me then. Yep, okay. Oh, that was just a straight roll, so, 24 to hit.

MATT: 24 to hit hits.

TRAVIS: And that is seven plus 11-- 18, 19, 20, 21, 22 points of slashing damage.

MATT: 22 points of slashing damage-- through with the axe.

TRAVIS: Second one straight roll, 12, 14, 27, 27.

MATT: 27 hits.

TRAVIS: Eight, 19, 23 points of slashing damage.

MATT: Oh, 23 more slashing damage. (slashing) The second axe jams into the creature's chest and is like dug into the sternum. (hissing) Shoves it out of the chest, you catch it backward and you see the blood pouring out of its wound, and it (growling), it's looking angry.


MATT: But it's looking hurt.

TRAVIS: Yeah, cool.

MATT: Is that your turn?


MATT: All righty. Now brings it to its turn, it's going to go ahead and let's see, it's going to attempt to claw you. That is going to be a 19 to hit.

TRAVIS: Yeah, hits.

MATT: All right, you do suffer-- That is-- huh, shitty roll, five points of piercing damage, reduced to two.


SAM: What?

LIAM: Uh oh.

MATT: And you are grappled and it's going to attempt to bite you.

TRAVIS: Grappled. (chuckles).

LIAM: (whispers) Turn Grog.


TRAVIS: Your funeral. L

LAURA: Can that happen?

MATT: Oh, 24 to hit.

TRAVIS: That hits.

MATT: You take eight points of piercing damage, reduced to four.


MATT: And you suffer seven points of necrotic damage and your maximum hit points are reduced by seven.

TRAVIS: Copy that.

MATT: And it's going to go ahead and attempt to run off into the mist.

ASHLEY: No you don't.

MARISHA: Fucking mist.

MATT: You get an attack opportunity on it as it rushes away.

TRAVIS: I do. But not reckless right, it's just a straight roll?

MATT: Correct, and reckless was only on your turn anyways.

TRAVIS: Right, so disadvantage?

MATT: Disadvantage.

TRAVIS: Okay. 18, six, 15, 21.

MATT: 21 hits, go ahead and roll damage. He doesn't have Sentinel, unfortunately.

TRAVIS: 11, 16, 20 points of slashing damage and he can fucking stay right there.

MATT: It doesn't matter, how do you want to do this?


TRAVIS: He bites me in the neck and I say: People pay for that! And I cut him open.


MATT: Just tears asunder, both halves (splattering) into the ground and (evaporating) into mist.

TRAVIS: No one ruins my friends' weddings. Friends?

MATT: All right, you take a moment and listen, the rest of you standing up, coming to consciousness.

MARISHA: Is that it?

MATT: Looking around, you don't see any other shapes moving, but the fog still stands.

SAM: What happened, what was that?

TRAVIS: No, no.

MARISHA: Is this fog-- I look up, is it cloudy as well--

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: --or is it a low lying fog?

MATT: It's an entire marine layer has come in over the past or so and now a big heavy fog has come in over the ocean, that has blanketed the scene.

ASHLEY: Where, where?

MARISHA: Extremely pissed off with Keyleth rage that she tries to keep contained, I slam and I Storm levitate up in the air and get rid of the marine layer and clear it out.

MATT: Okay, with?

MARISHA: Control Weather.

MATT: Keyleth rises up off the ground, the hair floating, not held by gravity, as the wind whips around her. The chairs fall over each other, pulled into a small localized tornado beneath her. As she raises her hands in the air, you watch as the mist suddenly vanishes from around and begins to push it away, the marine layer begins to pull back.

TRAVIS: Any ships in the water?

MARISHA: Yeah, looking at all of it.

MATT: Let me look at specifics, here.

ASHLEY: Wait, it's gone.

LAURA: How did you do it?

MARISHA: I'm clearing it and I think control weather stretches a mile.

MATT: It takes ten minutes to cast though.

MARISHA: Okay, well, I start clearing it out.

MATT: So she starts casting and it lasts-- Yeah it's a five mile radius.

LAURA: Whoa.

MATT: So as Keyleth's up there, slowly concentrating, you watch the marine layer begins to just blow back, the fog begins to dissipate and the entirety of the vicinity of Shamal Bay begins to just be cleared of this thick fog that had rolled in. And while she's doing this, what are the rest of you doing?

TRAVIS: Are there any ships in the water?

MATT: There aren't any ships nearby, there's ships over in the bay. Dalen's Closet is not right next to the bay, it's probably about, I'd say, a mile and a half, two miles, if not further, from the very, very edge of Shamal Bay specifically. So it's just beach side at this point, there's no docks or anywhere for a ship to even come close to the beach and you don't see anything that's moored or anchored off of the shore.

LIAM: Derrig is letting the legendary Vox Machina solve this mystery and is just circling Keyleth, looking for threats.

SAM: Hey, legendary Vox Machina, where are the bride and groom?

TRAVIS: What do you mean?

MARISHA: They're gone.

SAM: They're gone. They were at the head table there, the-- table number one. The one that I should have been at, but wasn't.

TRAVIS: Can we head over and see where they fell, are there any footplints-- plints-- pl-- fuck-- leading in a direction?

SAM: Wait, we need-- Vex is our tracker, we don't have--

ASHLEY: I'm going to cast Mass Cure Wounds.

MARISHA: Thank you.

SAM: Derrig, do you track, are you a tracker, can you track?

LIAM: I can cut things open.

SAM: You can't track? Keyleth you're nature-y, can you track?

MATT: She's in the process of casting.

SAM: Shit.

TRAVIS: She's fuckin' going Jean Gray over there, let's just relax a second.

ASHLEY: 20, 20, 20 points of healing, Mass Cure Wounds.

TRAVIS: To who, everybody?

ASHLEY: Everybody.

SAM: Can you track, Pike? Do you have trackey abilities?

ASHLEY: No, no.

SAM: Derrig, it's up to you, man.

LIAM: I'll start scanning the sand and seeing if I can spot any kind of tracks from the crime scene.

SAM: Let me inspire you. I'll inspire you with the song that I wrote for you that I was going to sing later but now I'm going to sing to you now. (clears throat) ♪ Derrig the brave is married to his wife ♪ ♪ He's always tired from his four tykes ♪ ♪ He has tattoos and he owns a sword ♪ ♪ That's all I know and nothing more ♪ ♪ The boring ballad ♪ ♪ The boring ballad ♪ ♪ The boring ballad of Derrig ♪


SAM: There's a second verse, if you need it, but.

LIAM: Lay it on me. I start scanning the sand.

SAM: ♪ He calls our friend The Tempest or Chief ♪ ♪ His sword goes into a back sheath ♪


TRAVIS: Oh Jesus, he's still poisoned, somebody punch him.

SAM: ♪ He can make three attacks and never four ♪ ♪ That's all I know of him, nothing more ♪ ♪ The boring ballad ♪ ♪ The boring ballad ♪ ♪ The boring ballad of Derrig ♪


LIAM: I just rolled a natural 20 on my Vax die.

SAM: Yeah!

MATT: Really?

LIAM: Yes.

MATT: All right, this is your survival check.

LIAM: Yes.

MATT: Do you want to add his inspiration to it?

LIAM: Sure, yes, what do I get to add to my natural 20?

MATT: Add a d12 to it.

LIAM: Absolutely. Which one is it, it's that big round one. Nine to the 20, 29 on a natural 20.

MATT: You don't have any bonuses to survival?

LIAM: Oh, I'm sure I do. Seven. So 36.

TRAVIS: Yo! Plus seven?

MATT: 36, so.

LIAM: ♪ Boring ballad ♪

MATT: As he's singing the song and the mist begins to dissipate from Keyleth's slow storm wave that's pushing it away, you glance down and can see there's all sorts of foot falls from the people that were arriving to the event to the members of the wedding party, to the folks that were pouring the drinks. But you begin to see heavy footprints that are dragging a bit and heading to the right along the beach, in that direction, that seem to be fairly recent.

TRAVIS: Like towards the stage? Ish or the other way?

MATT: Like towards that and further.

LIAM: So as he's scanning the sand, just sort of muttering to himself, he's like: I cannot wait to tell my kids about this song. They went this way!

ASHLEY: I start running.

TRAVIS: Yeah, sames.

SAM: Do we need to heal the rest of the wedding party or can Kima and Allura take care of that?

TRAVIS: Yeah, leave it with Kima.

ASHLEY: Kima and Allura.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: Okay, they begin to slowly awaken the rest of the wedding party. Allura's like, "Go ahead, we'll catch up as soon as we can. But we have to make sure that everyone here's okay." And Kima's doing little one hit point lay hands on each person. Bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop.

TRAVIS: I'll shout up to Keyleth, like: Keyleth!

MARISHA: Yes, Grog?

TRAVIS: We got tracks, this way.

MARISHA: Okay, I'll float as I go.


SAM: Looking good.

MARISHA: Can I do it with flavor?

MATT: Sure, why not.

MARISHA: I'm a level 20.

LIAM: Can we pull her on a rope like a Macy's balloon?

LAURA: "I'm a level 20."

MARISHA: Like it's Inception, I'm just--

MATT: Perfect.

TRAVIS: I pick up Pike and we start running.

MATT: All right, you guys all start bolting down that side of the beach as the fog clears and pushes away. As the fog pushes away from Keyleth's spell, you can see, too, a fair jog up the beach begins to lift into a beach side cliff, there's a precipice that curves up and there is a heavy cliff that comes to a sheer drop into the ocean. You guys heading that direction. In the meantime, Percival and Vex.

TRAVIS: Oh fuck.

SAM: B-story, B-story.

MATT: You both slowly come to consciousness, shaking your head, you hear (waves crashing) sounds the crashing of waves.

LAURA: (whispering) Percival.

MATT: You both are on the ground, lying on your side, and you hear the crashing of waves.

LAURA: Are we-- are our hands free?

MATT: They are not. Your hands are bound behind your back and bound to your ankles, there are shackles on your wrists and your ankles and you are held there.

SAM: That's supposed to be the wedding night.


LAURA: Manners.

MATT: As soon as you say "Percival," two figures step over and grab both of you by the back of your outfits and lift you onto your knees. And you can now, glancing over your shoulder, see you're about five feet from the edge of the cliff that drops a few hundred feet into the ocean below. Where the cliff descends-- well the cliffs behind you, the rocky area slowly heads into a grade that goes toward the rest of Marquet. You can see the Aggrad Mountains in the distance, with what little bit of moonlight has made its way through the sky now that it's cleared from the marine layer. And you see a shadowed figure approaching, stepping. (footsteps)

LAURA: Where's Vesper?

TALIESIN: Where's everybody?

MATT: The figure approaches, long, heavy cloak billowing gently in the wind, you see a dark beard, kind of, kept to a manicured point, longish hair, slicked back, pale skin, and very intense eyes. You see standing before you Lord Sylas Briarwood.


TRAVIS: What are you talking about?

LIAM: I fucking called it!

TRAVIS: What are you talking about?

MARISHA: Holy shit!

TRAVIS: What do you mean?

SAM: He's for sure dead.

TRAVIS: What do you mean?

SAM: Super dead.

MATT: No, he got away.

LIAM: He got away.

TALIESIN: He did get away.

LAURA: He got away?


LIAM: Yeah, he did.

MARISHA: But I Sunbeamed him in the face.

LIAM: And you know his wife got--

SAM: You Sunbeamed the shit out of him.

MATT: Yeah, and he turned to mist and escaped, you couldn't follow him because you were focused on other things at Vecna.

TALIESIN: This is true.

LIAM: Yep.

SAM: Man.

LIAM: He got away.

MARISHA: Bitch, but I broke the world for you.

LAURA: I thought I had a tree growing out of him. No? Damn it.

TRAVIS: Wait-- okay, later.

TALIESIN: Well, this is an unexpected surprise.

MATT: "Long have I waited, learning, reading, listening, suffering. By the grace of ancient shadows stirred by a love unending, my soul was scattered beyond life and brought back twice now. Longed to be with my beloved Delilah. Twice, she sacrificed everything for me. Everything. And twice you have torn her away from me, left without hope, agony unending for this eternal life. Unlife. I am cursed now without my partner. The paltry affections you both hold for each other, mean nothing by comparison to what we had. Though, amusing it is to see you go through the motions. You do not, cannot, understand what true timeless love is. You could never discover the joy that you robbed of us. For this timeless torture you banished my soul to, I bring judgment to you both. The first of many vengeances to be brought down upon your loved ones." He reaches forth and grabs the black chain--

LAURA: Wait.

MATT: --on the back of each of you.

LAURA: It has nothing to do with anyone else. This is about us.

MATT: "You're right. Each of you that killed my Delilah."

LAURA: To be fair, she kind of deserved it, I mean, to us she was terrible.

MATT: (chains whipping) Starts dragging you both towards the cliff edge, your knees are dragging across the rock and dirt.

LAURA: Percival?

TALIESIN: Honestly, Sylas, is this your plan? Is this what you're planning to do with us, just toss us off a cliff?

MATT: "Poetic."

TALIESIN: I used to fear you. Know that when I die, you will bore me.

MATT: He leans in real close to your face, you can smell the rot and ash on his breath as his nose touches the tip of yours, his eyes burning with eternal hatred, I'm sorry it took this long to finish the last of the de Rolos. But it'll be nice to not worry about an incomplete position."

LAURA: I lean forward and headbutt him.

MATT: Make an attack roll.

TRAVIS: Oh, oh.

LAURA: Natural 20! (cheering)

TRAVIS: Dope moment, dope moment!

LIAM: Fucking killed it.

MATT: As he begins to flex to drag Percival forward you lean forward and-- crack! Just whack him right straight in the head. What's your strength modifier?

LAURA: (chuckles) Nothing.

LIAM: It's a negative, it's nothing.

MATT: You do-- I'll give you two points of damage on him.

LAURA: Oh, thanks.

MATT: (laughing) For the crit. So-- crack, he's like-- (sinister chuckle) It's almost sad it's over. I've been thinking about this moment for so long, I planned so many elaborate ways to torture you and tear you apart and--"

LAURA: Tell us about them.

MATT: "I've come to enjoy the simplicity of things." (throwing) And throws you both from the cliff. (wind whistling)

LAURA: Oh, geebies.

MATT: (splashing impact) You both impact the water, the ocean is now around you, the cold water completely engulfs both of you. (bubbling water) You begin to sink--

SAM: Oh, god.

MATT: --below, the heavy chains dragging you below. What are you both doing?

LAURA: Our hands are behind us?

MATT: Mm-hmm.

TRAVIS: Manacled or ropes? You did say manacled.

MATT: Manacled.

SAM: Chains, black chains.

TALIESIN: Chains. Do I have access to any of my stuff? Am I wearing any of my stuff?

MATT: Whatever you brought to the reception, which would be a minimal amount, if anything.

TALIESIN: It would be a minimal amount but I would probably have the Diplomacy glove. Maybe?

MATT: Roll a--

SAM: It is formal.

MATT: Roll a perception check for me, oh, I'm sorry, just roll a d20 for me.

TALIESIN: Roll a d20.

SAM: The invitation did say bring your--

TALIESIN: I was trying to think what would be casual. 11.

MATT: 11, I would say you did not bring Diplomacy with you.

LAURA: Can I cast Conjure Woodland Beings?

MATT: Yeah, because your fingers are still available to you.

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: All right, don't have that.

LAURA: What's something that fucking swims?

TRAVIS: You going to drown some squirrels?

LAURA: Don't.

SAM: An otter?

LAURA: Are they a woodland being? I mean, like what's a woodland being? I don't have--

MATT: It's beasts, so.

LAURA: It's beasts, so can I conjure--

MATT: You summon fae creatures.

TRAVIS: So, beavers?

MATT: Into your space. So they're fae creatures, specifically.

SAM: Fae creatures, that's different from--

LAURA: Mermaids.

SAM: Ooh.

LAURA: Are they fae?

TRAVIS: Are you fae? Do you fae?

LAURA: Do you even fae, betch?

SAM: Oh, boy.

TRAVIS: That's so fae.

ASHLEY: Mermaids.

MARISHA: Yes, fae.


MATT: All right, merfolk are not-- they're humanoid.

LAURA: What are fae?

SAM: What's a fae? Let's get a list of fae.

MATT: What's a fae?

TALIESIN: Pull up a list of fae.

MATT: If you go to D&D Beyond you get fined. While you're considering what to create--

TALIESIN: I'm going to try. I would assume I'm at least wearing my formal sword.

MATT: So as a note, you guys are currently, you're not drowning yet, you can both hold your breath for different amounts. Vex, you have a one minute of breath because your constitution modifier is zero.

LAURA: Because I suck.

MATT: You can hold your breath for three minutes, Percival.

TALIESIN: I'm going to try and start using my belt to break-- to see if I can twist and break off the shackles, at the very least, or at least break them open so I can have some movement of--

MATT: What are you trying to break them with?

TALIESIN: My sword on my belt, like just twist it around it.

MATT: Go ahead and make a strength check for me.

TALIESIN: That's a terrible thing to make.

MATT: This is a strength check, specifically to try and break a heavy metal shackle against a blade.

TALIESIN: I'm trying to do what I can.

MATT: I know.

TALIESIN: Strength check. 14.

MATT: 14, not getting any sort of movement from the chain against the blade, you're trying to saw, trying to pull against it, pulling, the bubbles escaping from your mouth and you can see Vex's face looking extremely paranoid and freaked out, wide against the water as the light begins to get darker and darker, the moonlight itself begin vanishing as you guys sink further and further beneath the surface. Vex.

LAURA: I'm summoning a nereid.

MATT: An arrid?

LAURA: A nereid.

LIAM: A nereid.

SAM: Nereid?

LAURA: It's an aquatic fae related to the tritons.

LIAM: Newwidge are what keep us togevah--

MATT: Let me pull this up here.

TRAVIS: How do you spell it, babe?


SAM: Yeah that thing that you definitely know about.

MARISHA: Yeah. (laughs)

MATT: ♪ D&D Beyond be my friend ♪

TRAVIS: ♪ D&D, D&D Beyond ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ ♪ You got your stats you got your swords ♪

SAM: Don't you tweet from my phone.

LAURA: No, I'm not.

SAM: Don't you tweet from my phone.

LAURA: I'm not.

SAM: Liam's right next to you.

MATT: So narid, N-A-R-I-D you said?


MATT: E-R-I-E-D, gotcha.

SAM: Fuck, it's so far. I can't get to it.

MATT: Yeah, it's not working, I'll do it fae.

LAURA: Oh, it says you failed-- it's not showing up on D&D Beyond.

SAM: You tried so hard.

MARISHA: I tried.

LAURA: I'm the worst. Fae--

MATT: Oh, N-E-R, got you. This is a-- You can do a nereid, it has aquatic, okay, yeah. No, I see it here.

LAURA: Yeah?

MATT: Nereid, sure, it's a medium fae, it is an aquatic creature, the drowning-- Sure, we'll let that work.

LAURA: Can they grab us and pull us to shore?

TRAVIS: Or to the surface?

LAURA: At least to the surface?

MATT: Okay, you-- I will say go ahead and make a dexterity check for me. To be able to try and cast the spell while within the shackles.

LAURA: 11.

TRAVIS: How 'bout you sip that wine again and then tell us.

MARISHA: Yeah I know, that was amazing.

TALIESIN: That was so much.

MARISHA: That was so extra.


TRAVIS: (laughing)

MATT: Due to the way your hands are bound, you are unable to get the full somatic components of the spell and that first casting fails. You can try again if you like. But it comes next round.

LAURA: I don't have another 4th-level.

SAM: Oh no.

MATT: Percival.

TALIESIN: So we're just going straight down right now?

MATT: Yep, you're slowly sinking from the chains.

TALIESIN: How far down does it go? Can I even see?

MATT: You have no idea. It's just darkness below you, there's just an abyss awaiting you and you can see bits of jagged rock below. They're like from the edge of the cliff.

LAURA: I'm trying to figure out.

TALIESIN: I'm trying to think of what I have access to, since I can't really move my hands and I don't really have much magic. Nothing else, there's nothing else in the vicinity? No rocks, no anything?

MATT: There is the edge of the cliff itself has some jagged rocks and barnacles and stuff, it's about 20 feet away from you.

TALIESIN: I'm going to try and start pushing us both towards the rocks.

MATT: Okay, make an athletics check.

LAURA: How? Your feet are free?

TALIESIN: No, I'm just, doing the thing.

LAURA: There's no way we can swim if we're--

LIAM: He's dolphining, he's dolphining.

TALIESIN: Dolphining.

LAURA: Our arms and legs are--

ASHLEY: You can do a thrust.

TALIESIN: Athletics check?

LIAM: Don't be a naysayer.


MATT: 12, you manage to swim over towards it, you get most of the way.

TALIESIN: I'm definitely activating my boots of spider climb, too, just if they get purchase on anything, I'm going to--

MATT: Okay, you're not quite there yet but you're making your way.

LAURA: (to "A Thousand Miles") ♪ Making my way to the shore ♪

MATT: All right, how are you pulling her with you? Are you trying to grab her chain?

TALIESIN: Yeah, I'm just trying to, like-- yeah, just like grab and push so-- yeah.

MATT: Okay, so you're pulling her along with you, roll once more with disadvantage. Because this is hard to try and get both of you with this.

LAURA: I don't have my broom on me!

TALIESIN: Terrible, three. No.

MATT: Three, you're kicking and you're starting to spin, you're not getting any sort of movement under the water. You're unable to pull both of you towards the edge of the cliff.

LAURA: Can I spin around? Does Percy have any kind of-- he has pins on him, he has a pin on him, it's the arrow that I gave him, it's a arrow pin that I told him to wear.

LIAM: He's made of pins.

TALIESIN: You can try and cast--

MATT: He is wearing an arrow pin, I'll allow it, okay.

LAURA: Like, there's no way, I'm going to try to spin and grab his arrow pin while my hands are fucking tied behind my back.

MATT: Okay. I'll say go ahead and make an acrobatics check to try and squeeze around in the water to arrange yourself against him in this difficult circumstance, to be able to grab it.

LAURA: That would be a 25.

MATT: 25, you throw up a leg over the shoulder and then wrap around him--

LAURA: 35, sorry.

MATT: 35! Pull closely with your hands behind you, reach around his chest, his lapel, and manage to find it with your hand. You haven't pulled it free yet, but you have your hand on the pin.

LAURA: I will try to pull it free.

MATT: All right, it comes out easy.

LAURA: And I'm going to try to use the pin, to pick the lock on my manacles.

MATT: Okay. Percival, what are you doing?

TALIESIN: I see what's happening and I'm going to assist.

LAURA: How are you going to-- okay. Help me, help me darling, help, help me.

TALIESIN: Yeah, so I'm going to-- now that I see what she's trying to grab, I'm trying to steady myself and make everything as easy as possible.

MATT: Okay, and she pulls the pin free.


MATT: All right, go ahead and attempt a--

LAURA: Just like my brother taught me.

MATT: --attempt to pick a lock. Your lungs are on fire now, air is trying to escape from you and you only have-- two more rounds before you begin to officially drown.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: So go ahead and roll with disadvantage.

LAURA: Disadvantage.

MATT: Disadvantage, this is going to be dex bonus plus your proficiency bonus because you're proficient with lock picks, correct?

LAURA: Yes, I am.

MATT: But this is technically not lock picks, this is a pin. I will say you're not proficient with this because this isn't lock picks. Just roll a d20 with disadvantage add your dex bonus.

LIAM: Oh, god.

SAM: That's rough, rough ruling.


MATT: Ten. (metal scratching) trying to work at it, it's-- I mean, it's in there, it's not broken, a ten didn't break it, it's just not quite making its way through.

LAURA: Plus proficiency, dex plus proficiency.

MATT: You're not proficient with lapel pins.

LAURA: Not proficiency, just dex, sorry.

MATT: This isn't your actual-- I know, I know. Percival, what are you doing?

TALIESIN: I am not helpful in this situation. I'm going to keep trying to go towards the cliff and get some footing.

MATT: Make another athletics check.


SAM: He does speak Celestial though, guys.

MATT: Are you pulling yourself and Vex or just you?

TALIESIN: No, just myself.

MATT: Okay, so no disadvantage on this.

LAURA: He's abandoning me.

TALIESIN: It doesn't matter because I rolled an eight.

MATT: Eight, you push about five to ten more feet, you still have another like ten, 15 feet before you can reach the cliff edge.

TRAVIS: How far away are we all, like further down the shoreline?

MATT: You took ten minutes to cast that spell to clear everything, so--

MARISHA: But I was floating as I go.

MATT: I know. You guys are on your way.

MARISHA: We're on our way.

MATT: You're on your way. Vex.

LAURA: I'm going to try again.

MATT: All right, go ahead and roll again, disadvantage on your dexterity check.

LIAM: Come on, come on.

SAM: Oh boy, oh boy.

LAURA: Are we anywhere close to the bottom yet?

MATT: You don't see it yet.

SAM: Ooh, boy.

MATT: You're not like super quickly sinking, you're just--

LAURA: Okay, 15.

MATT: 15. It's-- you're finding tumblers, it's making its way in there but it's not high enough to fully unlock it. This is intended to be a difficult lock to pick.

LIAM: It's Houdini shit.

MATT: Yeah. So next round, you begin to drown. Percival, what are you doing? You pushing to the wall again?

TALIESIN: Have I hit the wall?

MATT: No, you have to roll another athletics check, man.

SAM: You got any of your spells?


MATT: You guys are bound at your legs and feet, you're having to like kick and swim without able to actually fully extend you legs. This is a bad scenario.

LAURA: I have no spells that will help, all my spells are arrow-based. I can Hunter's Mark something.

SAM: Sure, okay, anything else? Get creative.

LAURA: Dude, if I told you what I have, you would understand that nothing makes sense.

SAM: Don't you have a breathe underwater spell?

LAURA: Mm-mm!

TALIESIN: All right, goddamn it. Come on, please, please, please.

LAURA: One 4th-level spell.

TALIESIN: Ah, a 20.

MATT: A 20, you manage to kick enough and move your way back and sort of reverse worm your way through the water while kicking your feet forward until you impact the side of the cliff as you're falling down. It hooks, you're no longer sinking, you actually catch part of your shackles on one of these jagged pieces of heavy rock that sits along the base of the cliff.

TALIESIN: My boots should be activated, so I should be able to actually steady myself on the rocks.

MATT: That is correct. You get your feet up on the rocks, you're in a squatting position but you're currently affixed to the side of the cliff.

TALIESIN: Sure, okay, and now-- Okay, I can see where--

LAURA: Me sinking slowly.

MATT: She's about 25 feet away from you in the water, sinking.

TALIESIN: God fucking damn it.

LAURA: When I start drowning, am I able to do anything else or am I just going to die at that point?

MATT: At the start of your next turn, as soon as you start drowning, you drop to zero hit points.

LAURA: Oh, wow.

MATT: That's how drowning works.

LAURA: Okay.

ASHLEY: So you can't do anything?

LAURA: Nope.

SAM: Rough times.


MATT: So, Vex.

SAM: At the wedding.

MATT: Go ahead, it's your turn, are you going to continue to try and--

LAURA: I mean, yeah.

MATT: All right, go ahead and roll on your dexterity.

SAM: Oh, you get one more roll?

LAURA: I guess so.

MATT: This is her last turn before she loses her air.

LAURA: That would be a 12.

MATT: A 12, it's not, it's not meeting the lock. (exhaling air) You expel the last bit of air from your lungs and the water begins to rush in, and you begin kicking as you begin to drown.

LAURA: I can't kick, my legs are fucking tied together.

MATT: Percival, you watch, as you're up on the edge there, your feet are affixed, you look down and see Vex'ahlia there release the last bit of air from her lungs and begin to shake underwater.

TALIESIN: How far away am I from the surface?

MATT: Right now, you guys are about 30 feet below.

TALIESIN: So-- and I'm bound?

MATT: You are bound.

TALIESIN: So my movement sucks.

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: I'm going to try and-- Oh, fuck. I'm going to try and-- I can't even push off, I don't have enough fucking foot room. Goddamn it. Goddamn it.

LAURA: Get up and out.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I'm going to head up as fast as possible.

MATT: Okay. So you can move ten feet a round.

TALIESIN: Is that including an action?

MATT: That's your movement, so it'd be, ten feet up, ten feet with your action. So you can get close to 20 feet--

TALIESIN: I'm going to burn a-- What do I have, I have things, I'm trying to remember what they are because I'm having a mild panic attack. Yeah, I'm going to burn a Second Wind.

MATT: Okay, that'll get you 30 feet. You'll get to the surface. So you like, quickly hobble up the side, running with the little bit of movement you have in your ankles before (gasping) you reach the top.

TALIESIN: And now I'm just going to scream bloody murder.

MATT: Okay. I would like the rest of you to go ahead and roll a perception check.

MARISHA: Oh, fucking come on, you guys.

SAM: Nope. Nope.

LIAM: Nope, not great.

TRAVIS: Awesome.



SAM: Seven. Three.


MATT: All right, the three of you, as you're rushing towards the cliff side, hear the faint sound of a scream echo across the rocks.

ASHLEY: I hear screaming.

MARISHA: Yeah, me too.

MATT: And you recognize it to be Percival's scream.

TRAVIS: It sounds like it's coming from the water.

ASHLEY: Yeah, run.

MARISHA: We run.

MATT: Okay. You guys run towards the water, you're just coming up along the outside of the cliff, you're probably about two minutes from the cliff top. So either you can head towards the edge of the cliff up top, or head off to the side towards the water, but you guys'll--

MARISHA: Have I finished casting the spell or is it still going?

MATT: What do you mean, the--?

MARISHA: Clear the-- Control Weather. Is that done?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: I'll head towards the edge of the cliff.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: I'll head towards-- I'll head towards the water.

MARISHA: You want to fan out?


MARISHA: Fan out.

SAM: Wait, are we, where we up on a ledge?

MATT: You guys were climbing up towards-- heading along the edge of the water, it rises up, it's no longer the beach but it's now a rocky cliff face that curves up towards where the edge of this cliff precipice is. You guys hear the scream from the actual base of the cliff over here, echo across the sea side edge. So either you can head into the water around the cliff, or up to the very top of the cliff. Or you guys can do both, what are you--

TALIESIN: I'm going to keep yelling anyways, so.

TRAVIS: Clifftop for me.

ASHLEY: Water for me.

SAM: Water for me, as well.

MARISHA: I'll go water.

LIAM: I'm an excellent swimmer, I'll go water.

MATT: All right. So as part of that, you guys jump (diving into water). So it's Pike and who else in the water?

MARISHA: I'll go.

SAM: I go in the water, as well.

MATT: All right, so it's you four in the water and it's just Grog.

TRAVIS: Keyleth up top. Oh you're going in the water?

MARISHA: I'm in the water.

TRAVIS: Okay, I'm going to the cliff edge.

LIAM: And minutes of held breath is our con modifier?

MATT: Your con modifier's how many minutes you can hold your breath, yes.

LIAM: Is that's what's listed under saving throws, or just what's--

LAURA: Your modifier.

LIAM: Modifier.

MATT: Correct. So you're screaming and yelling up there.


MATT: Right, in the noise. Vex, I need you to make a death saving throw for me, please.

SAM: Death saving throw?

MARISHA: Come on.

MATT: The last bit of air can--

LAURA: 19.

MATT: 19, that's a success.

MARISHA: I'm going to go water elemental.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: Water elemental.

MATT: You (sloshing water) into water elemental (watery explosion) and coast right into the waves.

MARISHA: Hauling ass in the direction that I heard Percy.

MATT: Heard the scream. What's the speed on that water elemental?

MARISHA: I'm going to pull it up.

MATT: Used a bonus action to transform, that's both your Wild Shapes--

SAM: I am going to Polymorph into a dolphin.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Has a 90-foot swim speed.

MATT: So double movement that's 120 feet per round.

MARISHA: Ah, no, 90, 180.

MATT: Sorry, 180, 180 I meant, sorry.

SAM: Damn, that's fast. Dolphin can only swim 50 feet.

MATT: So you're keeping along but Keyleth is just rocketing as an elemental. Okay. So as you're shooting forward, making your way towards that cliff--

SAM: ♪ Making your way towards that cliff ♪

MATT: Pike, you're trying to swim along, you're in the water with Derrig?


SAM: You watch Scanlan turn into a dolphin and disappear into the water. Keyleth turns into a water elemental, vanishes, and they both scoot off. You and Derrig are both now in the water trying to swim.

ASHLEY: Okay, just trying to swim towards Percy because that's all we can-- all I can hear.

TRAVIS: I'm running straight up all of the-- triple dash, looking over the edge.

MATT: All right. Make another death saving throw for me, please.

MARISHA: Son of a bitch, son of a bitch.

LIAM: Come on, just roll high, that's all you got to do is roll high.

LAURA: Nine.

LIAM: Why didn't you do it?

MATT: That's a failure.

LAURA: How does this--? Okay.

MATT: All right. Percival, still yelling?

TALIESIN: Do I see people coming?

MATT: Make a perception check.

LAURA: Feel like, regardless of success or failure, is my lungs are filling with water.

MATT: Yeah, I mean, if you roll three successes, we're going to keep rolling, this is to see how long you last underwater.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: You don't stabilize underwater while you're drowning.

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Perception check, wow, I'm not okay, here we go. 23.

MATT: Wow, nice. I'm going to still say, it's hard to step away from Caduceus, but--

MARISHA: We have a cleric?

MATT: You glance over and you can just see out of the corner of your eye in the fair distance, a couple of figures in the water, you watch as two of the figures-- you see four figures in the water and two of them vanish beneath the waves. And you can see these two bowing, shifting bulges in the water as two things are currently torpedoing through them in your direction. They're still a ways away, though, but traveling quickly.

TALIESIN: Oh man, what do I even have?

TRAVIS: You are dying, I'll remind you.

TALIESIN: Got like fucking nothing, man. It's embarrassing what I have.

LAURA: I can't die, I have shifting bulges coming to save me.

TRAVIS: We all deal with death in different ways.

TALIESIN: I guess, god, I don't even have a lock pick, I have nothing to get these things off with. Fuck!

MATT: Time for some creative thinking, I guess.

TALIESIN: Yeah, yeah.

SAM: Try strength.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I have lots of that.

SAM: Just try.

LAURA: Yeah, we're both the weakest motherfuckers.

TALIESIN: I'm going to try and find some kind of rock to twist these things off of. I'm just going to try one more time to just--

MATT: Are you trying to break the chains? Wait, what are you trying to do?

TALIESIN: I'm trying to break the lock.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Just straight up break the lock.

MATT: Make another strength check.

TALIESIN: Goddamn it.

MATT: This is a brute force against the lock, it's going to be strength.


MATT: 17, (metal smashing) you smash it, as hard as you can, against the rock, the rock splinters and breaks. Feels like a decent hit, but it still holds.

TALIESIN: Oh my god, mother-- Do I have anything left that I can--?

MATT: Make another death saving throw for you, Vex.

TALIESIN: Motherfucker.

LIAM: Come on, come on.

LAURA: Eight.

MATT: That's a failure.

SAM: (dolphin noises)

TALIESIN: Motherfucking--

MATT: You're both rushing over-- (skimming water)

SAM: I'm echolocating, I'm echolocating.

MATT: --making your way as fast as you can in that direction.

MARISHA: My bonus action dash?

LAURA: Oh my god, what if I don't-- what if I die?

MATT: You can't bonus action dash.

SAM: I think we get all of our gifts back.

MATT: That's a rogue and a monk thing. I don't think you can do it as a water elemental.

MARISHA: No, I just want to use everything I have to get there.

LAURA: I am in a wedding dress. Don't kill me when I'm in a wedding dress.

MATT: You're not in your wedding dress at the rehearsal.

LAURA: I am!

MATT: You are, I know.

TRAVIS: I'm still trucking up the cliff side, is there anything as I'm running up?

MATT: You're running quickly and you can see there are shapes up at the top of the cliff's edge, that are looking over the cliff at the moment. The shouting seems to have gotten their attention.

TRAVIS: Can I see what they are?

MATT: You're not there yet, though. You're still quite a distance.

TRAVIS: They're just humanoid figures?

MATT: Yep. All right, Keyleth, Scanlan, you guys are rushing quickly--

MARISHA: Darkvision too, can I see them?

MATT: It's darkvision, but it's underwater. They're quite a distance away, you can just barely see Percy perched on the edge of the cliff, shouting and trying to break his lock against the stone.

SAM: I have blindsight.

MATT: Pike, you're a ways behind. Correct, up to how far?

ASHLEY: Am I getting close to Percy?

SAM: 120 feet.

MATT: Right, they're further than that from you.

ASHLEY: I'm trying to go towards Percy, so don't I--

MATT: You are. You're making your way, swimming as you can. As a gnome, not huge arms, unfortunately, but you're moving at half your movement speed in that direction and both of them are just cruising through. So you're-- it's like trying to swim behind a motor boat.

LIAM: Question.


LIAM: And Derrig, who is a fucking athlete, jumped in and watched Keyleth and Scanlan just go (boat speeding) away. He has a ring of free movement, does that have any effect on water, am I going normal speed?

MATT: It does. You're going normal speed through the water.

LIAM: Okay, not as fast as them, but pretty good.

MATT: No, but you're swimming fast.

TRAVIS: Michael Phelps, baby.

MATT: So you are, Pike, unfortunately being left in the suds a bit here.

ASHLEY: Yeah, fair. Okay.

MATT: You continue chasing after them?

ASHLEY: Should have hitched a ride. Yeah.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: I don't know what else to do--

MATT: You guys are getting close, but you're not--

MARISHA: I'm going 180. Still not it?

MATT: No, no, you're going to be there first, definitely. Vex, I need you to roll another death saving throw, please.

LIAM: I'm about to go--

SAM: This is it guys.

LIAM: I'm about to go ham.

SAM: Oh god, oh god.

LIAM: We made a deal.

MARISHA: Come on, come on.

LAURA: Natural one.

TRAVIS: Oh my god.

MATT: (air bubbling) The last bit of consciousness slips from Vex, the bride-to-be, as the abyss below slowly takes her. Keyleth, you rush up, the next round, and arrive as a water elemental in that space, and you can see her body just drift below the ocean, the eyes glazed over, unmoving.

MARISHA: I scoop up underneath of her and grab her. And then Percy seems okay, can I see Percy?

MATT: Mm-hmm.

MARISHA: He's alive? And I'm going to immediately double back and get her back to Pike, A-snaps.

MATT: Okay. So the water elemental's now motor boating opposite direction, (slicing through water).

MARISHA: Just a big blobby water getting in reverse.

MATT: You got it. A few moments pass, Pike, as you're trying to keep up, you watch as your new, half-elf friend there looks and spins as one heavy, moving, shifting burst of water just cruises up in your direction before splashing you in the face and you see a large water elemental Keyleth emerge from the ocean holding the unmoving body of Vex.

MARISHA: Like a rolling wave onto the beach, I just come up out of the water and drop them both onto the beach.

MATT: So you move past Pike, then?

MARISHA: No, I grab Pike, as well. And crash onto the beach with them.

MATT: You all get thrown out onto the sand and there you see Vex (rolling body) onto the--

ASHLEY: Is she okay, is she okay?

MARISHA: And then I drop form. I think she's dead, you have to do something, immediately.

ASHLEY: Okay, I reach out, I put my hands out, and I cast True Resurrection.

MARISHA: Just straight up?

ASHLEY: Straight up.

LAURA: Has it been under a minute?


MATT: It's been under a minute.

ASHLEY: What do all-- is True Resurrection--?

MATT: True Resurrection does cost at least 25,000 gold worth of diamonds to do.

ASHLEY: Hold on, hold on, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, because resurrection--

LAURA: Revivify is under a minute.

ASHLEY: Wait but I thought these mean a-- shit, sorry, this has been a while.

MATT: I know it's been a while, it's okay.

ALL: ♪ It's been a while ♪

ASHLEY: (mumbling) Revivify, Jesus Christ.

MATT: Revivify. It requires diamonds worth 300 gold to cast. Do you have diamonds on you, as part of this wedding?

MARISHA: Is Vex wearing any jewelry?

LIAM: Are you wearing any jewelry for the event?

ASHLEY: Yes, yes, all of the jewels.


TRAVIS: Yeah, Vex's has got to be wearing some bling,

LAURA: I'm wearing some bling.

ASHLEY: I'm going to take her--

LAURA: I already used my ring, for the search for Bob, but-- And we haven't replaced them yet, we were going to do that tomorrow, dear.


LAURA: I've got some earrings on. I don't know how-- if they're worth that much.

MATT: Go ahead, Pike, and roll 2d6 for me.

SAM: Oh boy.

MATT: Sorry, 2d4.

ASHLEY: 2d4.

LAURA: Oh, god.


MATT: Six, all right, the earrings that Vex has on are worth approximately 600 gold worth of diamonds, all over on them.

LAURA: Oh, shit.

TRAVIS: Pump those fucking earrings into her body!

ASHLEY: Okay, let's go.

TRAVIS: Do it now.

ASHLEY: So Revivify.

SAM: Shove those up her ass. I think that's how it works.

TRAVIS: She's good.

LAURA: Thank you, Amazon.

MATT: So as part of our resurrection ritual elements there--

LIAM: Wait, wait, wait, DM, DM, DM, DM.

MATT: So the Revivify has an element here, where, when it brings you back I roll, just in general, to see if the previous resurrections you've had to see what the different DC is.

LAURA: Oh, fuck me.

MATT: And that is a natural 13. You've died twice, correct?

SAM: At least.

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Raven's Queen armor and--

LIAM: Yeah, Raven Queen's armor.

TRAVIS: What was the other one?

MARISHA: Briarwoods?

SAM: Briarwoods, was that a death?

LIAM: Yes, yes, the twins died to the Briarwoods.

LAURA: Yeah.

LIAM: Disintegration and you went down, too, but--

LAURA: I did, no, I did.

TRAVIS: You didn't die die.

MATT: Well, regardless, that's higher than the DC would have had, so.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: In that moment, the earrings that you plucked from Vex's body disintegrate and turn to sand, along with the rest of the beach, just slightly discolored. At which point, suddenly, Vex coughs up sea water and doubles over, spitting it onto the edge of the ocean.

TRAVIS: What the fuck?

MARISHA: What was the DC 12 or something?

MATT: It was either 11 or 12 based on how many she died, so the natural 13 worked out.

TRAVIS: It'll be higher the next time. No more one-shots.

ASHLEY: I'm sorry, I--

TALIESIN: I'm scaling up the cliff face.

MARISHA: I go, fuck, Percy. And I go back into elemental form, grab Percy.

TALIESIN: Oh, that's fine.

SAM: Where was he?

MATT: So you rush back towards Percy, out in the water, takes you a few rounds to get there. Percy, you see, is sort of hobbling up there. You're out there as the dolphin?

SAM: Sure.

MATT: All right, so, Keyleth you rush over and hit the edge, as the dolphin, and you look up and you can see Percival's slowly crab walking up the side of this cliff.

TRAVIS: Do we have earrings, can we talk to each other through our fucking earrings?

SAM: I'm a dolphin.

TRAVIS: Don't we have earrings?

MATT: You still have them on, yeah.

SAM: The cliff is just stone, there's nothing--

MATT: It's stone and minerals, and salts, and sea gull shit.

SAM: Okay.

TRAVIS: Did you get her? Did you get her?

MATT: Grog.


MATT: You are approaching the edge of the cliff.

TRAVIS: Yeah, they're like tourists looking over the edge?

MATT: Yeah, as you rush up to see the edge, you can see there are five figures, that are looking over the edge and look back at you. And you see, for the first time, Sylas Briarwood.

TRAVIS: I do like the cartoon heels, like-- (skidding)


No-- fuckin'-- way. Is the sun out?

MATT: No, this is nighttime.


MARISHA: This is at nighttime?

MATT: You guys had dinner in the sunset, remember?

SAM: It was at dusk.

TRAVIS: I may still be poisoned.

MATT: Yep.

TRAVIS: Are you-- Sylas?

MATT: The four other figures begin to move rapidly, in a flanking position as he walks towards you, confidently.

TRAVIS: That tracks. Crick crack.

MATT: Dragging a blade behind him, across the stone.

TRAVIS: What kind of blade?

MATT: Same blade that he fought you guys with at the battle in Thar Amphala.

LIAM: Oh no.

SAM: Maven Medge?

MATT: (chuckles) No it's not Maven Edge.


Actually, no, this is an axe, it's a greataxe.

TRAVIS: Oh, okay.

SAM: When I get over to Percy, I'm going to drop my polymorph, cling on to the rocks, see him struggling up there, and cast Polymorph on him.


SAM: And turn him into a raven.

MATT: All right (fluttering), you are now a raven, Percival.

TALIESIN: All right.

MARISHA: (water blubbering)

SAM: We're good, I just need help getting up.

TRAVIS: Do I get a move, a round?

MATT: We do, we're going to go ahead and arrange this now. Seeing as how this has now turned into a combat scenario.

SAM: He's going to turn off his torches.

MATT: Try and conserve some battery there. And I'll be right back.

TRAVIS: Oh my god.

LIAM: Oh shit.

SAM: There's another map.

LAURA: We're going to fight fucking Sylas?

LIAM: Wow.

SAM: Man.

LIAM: There might be a Delilah clone.

SAM: This is crazy.

LAURA: I can't believe I just fucking died.

SAM: That was stressful, way too stressful.

MARISHA: All right. I'm into it.

SAM: I'm going to leave you as a raven for, like, 30 seconds, so you can get up to the fucking top of the thing and then I'm going to drop it.

TALIESIN: Am I going to still be manacled when I'm in the raven?

SAM: No.

TALIESIN: Okay, okay, good.

TRAVIS: Oh shit!

LIAM: Ooh!

LAURA: What?

MARISHA: Oh, that's cool.

LAURA: Whoa.

TRAVIS: How high is that cliff-ish?

MATT: That cliff edge there is about roughly 150 feet.


MATT: So Grog, you're approached to about there.

TRAVIS: All right.

MATT: There are--

SAM: We don't have any guns or anything.

LAURA: We don't have any of our stuff.

SAM: How are we going to do anything?

MATT: Flanking, here.

SAM: I don't have a sword.

TALIESIN: I have a sword.

SAM: Do you?

LAURA: Ceremonial.

TALIESIN: I mean, it's all right.

TRAVIS: Necrotic damage is a bitch. Fuckin' Sylas, I thought he was deader'en shit.

SAM: I thought so, too.

LIAM: I did not.

TRAVIS: I thought he turned into a mist.

LIAM: He got away.

SAM: You look ridiculous right now.

TRAVIS: I'm ready to fight for my life.

MARISHA: It's my favorite thing.

SAM: Welcome to Chippendale's.

TRAVIS: I look like a New Orleans funeral driver.

LIAM: I'm Duke of York this evening.

MATT: Percival, you are currently flying up the cliff side, you'll get there in a round, I'll say, because you've been cruising up at this point. You're climbing up the side.

SAM: Yeah, I'm just going to keep concentrating on him for like another-- until I see him get over the edge and then I was going to drop it, basically.

MATT: You've got it. Meanwhile, Pike and Keyleth, you are currently in--

MARISHA: I'm in the water as a water elemental.

MATT: You are.

TALIESIN: Currently.

MATT: So you cruise around and you were right there next to Scanlan.

MARISHA: Oh, I look pretty cool.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: You had placed me, I was just trying to keep up with her.

MATT: Right, so you would be--

LIAM: So I don't know where.

MATT: A little ways away over here.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: And Pike-- did you bring Pike, or is anybody else with you or are you guys still on the beach?

MARISHA: No, I dropped Pike on the beach with Vex.

MATT: All right, got it.

LIAM: When swimming, will we do action-- movement and use action as a further movement?

MATT: You would want to, yeah.

LIAM: Yeah I mean, I would, that would be mean 60 feet of range for me swimming.

MATT: You got it.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: All right, so it'll take a couple rounds to get there, guys. Grog, initiative, please.

LIAM: Grudge match.

TRAVIS: My favorite. 17.

MATT: 17, all righty. 17 for Sylas.

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

MATT: So we have-- What's your dexterity?

TRAVIS: 15, so plus two.

MATT: Sylas goes first.

TRAVIS: God--!

MATT: Then the rest of them. That's cocked. Wow, they go first. All right, so. Top of the round, Grog, as you're watching, but then you see this is Sylas and he's dragging the axe behind him, he puts his hand forward and goes-- All four vampires rush in. 30. Five, ten, 15, 20, 25, 30. So that's next to him.

LIAM: This is your favored terrain, Grog.

SAM: Oh my god, they're in a nice group. Easy to kill.

MATT: These guys rush in here.

LIAM: Pirouette.

SAM: Do a little Billy Elliot move.

MATT: Those two don't get an attack because they used the rest to dash, they weren't quite close enough to do so. However, the other two do, and they have advantage because they have you flanked.

TRAVIS: Can we say that because I have persistent rage and the danger has not subsided, that I could rage all the way through running, all the way up the cliff from the wedding site? From the rehearsal dinner?

MATT: If you really want to, sure.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I wouldn't have dropped it.

MATT: You didn't berserker rage, so.

TRAVIS: Right, frenzy.

MATT: Yeah, or frenzied. Yeah, so, yeah I'll allow it. Sure, you been real angry at the fact that the couple went missing.

TRAVIS: Triple, double dash and whatever.

MATT: That's 17 to hit.

TRAVIS: Misses.

MATT: Claw attack swipes wide, a secondary claw attack against you. That is going to be a 25 to hit.

TRAVIS: That hits.

MATT: You take six points of slashing damage, reduced to three.


MATT: And you are grappled by him. The other one is going to attack you, that is going to be a-- 15 to hit, misses. Claw attack again, that's going to be a 22 to hit.


MATT: You take another nine points of slashing damage reduced to four.


MATT: So that's them right there. Now it's Sylas' turn. He rushes up to greet you at this point. Just swoops up in that direction. He's going to-- yeah, going to go ahead, pushing into that point right there. You are entirely surrounded, as they are just bearing down on you. Sylas brings the axe wide in the air, and moves with unnatural speed right up to you, soon as he stops, the axe is already mid-swing. All right. This is going to be three attacks with the axe on you. That is going to be a 33 to hit.

TRAVIS: Yes, sir.

MATT: All right. You take 22 points of slashing damage reduced to 11, as well as-- 15 points of necrotic damage. As the axe sinks into your body, you can feel the shadow burning into your skin. Second attack against you. Oh, 29 to hit.


MATT: That's going to be 24 points slashing damage reduced to 12.


LIAM: Matt did not come to play softball tonight.

LAURA: Mm-mm. No, he's--

MATT: You guys left my fucking dust titan behind in the last one shot, I'm going to make this right.

LAURA: We all were, like, busy finding our fucking outfits for tonight.

MATT: I know. Seven points of necrotic damage.

TRAVIS: Copy that.

MATT: And that's going to be 27 to hit.


MATT: You suffer-- 18 points slashing damage reduce to nine. And 14 points of necrotic damage.

TRAVIS: You got it.

MATT: And that's going to finish Sylas' turn. Grog, you're up.

TRAVIS: You brought me under 200 hit points.


SAM: Wow.

TRAVIS: With my action, I would like to try and lunge forward and tackle Sylas and drive him straight backwards.

MATT: Straight backwards?

TRAVIS: Straight backwards.

MATT: Okay, go ahead and make a-- We'll say a grapple-- is this a shove? Try and push him back?

TRAVIS: Yeah, how far is a shove?

MATT: A shove is a five-foot shove. Because your strength is so high, I'll say it's half your strength modifier.

TRAVIS: Which is at--

MATT: In squares.

TRAVIS: Right, so my strength modifier is eight, so four?

MATT: So it'd push him back four squares.

TRAVIS: Four squares, all right. I have the advantage on strength checks. 25, natural 20.

MATT: Natural 20, all right, that's definitely a hit. So now it's a strength contest. Oh no, that's not a 20 for your strength contest, you mean?

TRAVIS: Oh, I just rolled it for the strength check.

MATT: Yeah, it should have been an attack.

TRAVIS: Oh gotcha, okay.

MATT: So-- Yeah, no, he fails and he gets pushed back one, two, three, four-- skids back, catches himself there.

TRAVIS: Great, I will spend an action surge and I will drive him back another--

MATT: You're going to move forward into him?

TRAVIS: Another four-- yep.

MATT: All right, so you move four, there's four attacks opportunity against you.

TRAVIS: Oh, oh, I thought I was in a-- like wrapped around him grappled, during the shove, no?

MATT: Actually no, you are grappled, so you would not be able to move forward. You are grappled by one of the vampires. So your speed is zero, so you shove him back, and that's where he goes.

TRAVIS: I understand.

MATT: You can action surge to try and break the grapple. You are currently being held by one of the vampires.

TRAVIS: I will spend my action surge, yes, and I'll make two attacks.

MATT: Okay, go for it. Against which ones?

TRAVIS: I guess the guys on my right.

MATT: Same guy or two different?

TRAVIS: Let's do same guy. The closest to Sylas on the right.

MATT: Right there you got it, go ahead and roll two attacks against it.

TRAVIS: It's 33.

MATT: That hits.

TRAVIS: It'd be 21 points of slashing damage.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: And then-- 19, 19 to hit.

MATT: That hits, roll damage again.

TRAVIS: 22 points of slashing damage.


MATT: Nice. And you still have your bonus action.

TRAVIS: Yes, so my bonus action, I'll slam the Titanstone Knuckles together and I'll cast Enlarge.


LAURA: Yeah.

LIAM: Yes, yes.

MATT: Which forces him back a bit.

ASHLEY: That's a big boy.

MATT: He gets forced back. There we go.

TRAVIS: Does that fuck with their grapple at all, growing that size?

MATT: He's still holding on to you, you're still grappled, you still have to break by. But you have-- you're pretty big now.

TRAVIS: Cool. That's it.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: How far away are we?

MATT: So we're getting to that point now. So new top of the round. Pike and Vex, you guys are down by the beach and the cliff, so you're about, roughly 100 feet away.

LAURA: Okay.

ASHLEY: Okay, I'm going to put my hands on her and cast Cure Wounds at 4th-level.

SAM: She at zero?

ASHLEY: Yeah, she's at zero.

SAM: Damn. What are you at?

TALIESIN: I don't know what am at?

MATT: You're at one hit point.

TALIESIN: I'm at one hit point?

SAM: One hit point?

MATT: Yeah.


LAURA: Why, he didn't go--

MATT: Both of you guys went unconscious from the poison.

LAURA: Oh, right.

ASHLEY: You have 24 points.

LAURA: Thank you.


LAURA: All right.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: And then--

ASHLEY: Should we start making our way up there? What do you want to do?

LAURA: Fuck yeah. I'm going to cast Cure Wounds on myself as well at 3rd-level.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: 11 plus five is 16. Okay. And then I'm going to take off running.

MATT: Okay, so that's 30 feet and 25 feet, you guys heading up the edge of the cliff here.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Then making your way the best you can and you about that here.

ASHLEY: I thought we were right there.

LAURA: Nah, we're pretty far away.

MATT: You guys were on the beach and the beach is kind of far away from where the cliff begins to rise up.

SAM: That's where Vex is?

MATT: Yeah, Vex and Pike.

SAM: Damn.

MATT: You guys spread out at that point.

LAURA: Wait, and then we're 100 away from the cliff side or 100 feet away from where Grog is?

MATT: 100 feet away from where the edge of this map begins.

LAURA: Oh, fuck.

SAM: It's going to be rounds.

LIAM: Yeah, Grog's going to be tanking for a bit.

MATT: He is, he's the one that split off. So while that's happening, for the sake of this, let's have everyone else roll initiative, so we can do this in the order it's supposed to be.

TRAVIS: I've been forgetting to roll some d6s.

MATT: Well then, try to remember. All right, 25 to 20?


MATT: Oh, Percy.

LAURA: Yeah, I need to roll initiative, too. Me and Pike.

MATT: Initiative as well.

LAURA: 14.

MATT: 14.



MATT: And Pike together.

SAM: 12.

MATT: Keyleth?


MATT: Ooh.

LAURA: Where's Trinket? Was he with the group?

LIAM: I see him over there.

MATT: Trinket would be along with the side of the group as you guys were running towards the edge. So as you were brought back to the beach, Trinket would be there on the beach waiting, not wanting to jump in the water after you. So you've resurrected-- you've come back with Trinket.

LIAM: Derrig's at 18.

MATT: Derrig's at 18. So Derrig's right after Keyleth. All righty.

SAM: Man, this is intense for a wedding.

MATT: Yeah. Hey man.

LIAM: Every wedding's intense.

MATT: Thought this was going to go off without a hitch. Hey, be glad it wasn't the kraken returning.


All righty, so, finishing that, we'll say-- Everyone else, who hasn't gone yet gets a round to go and then we'll start with initiative order. So Scanlan, Percy, Keyleth, and Derrig.

LIAM: In the order of the initiative or?

MATT: Any order right now and then we'll start with the initiative order next round.

LIAM: I'm watching her.

SAM: You go first.

TALIESIN: What do I have on me, out of curiosity?

MATT: You have whatever your comfortable formal outfit was for the rehearsal, you had your ceremonial weapon at your side, which is your hand.


MATT: What else would you have had on you for that event?

SAM: Just like, all the guns.

TALIESIN: Well, I mean like I might have had one of the most basic guns, but that would have been all of it.

MATT: I'll allow it.

TALIESIN: All right, I'll have my one basic gun, I definitely don't have any of my other fancy shit, though, do I?

MATT: No, probably not.

TALIESIN: Okay, that's fine.

SAM: Would it have gotten wet? Does that do anything?

TALIESIN: As long as I don't try and fire it underwater, it should be fine.

MATT: It should be okay.

TALIESIN: Yeah, everything's capped.

MATT: So Percy, what are you doing? You are currently-- you're a raven, circling up the edge of the cliff. You had climbed quite a bit up, so at the raven's speed, I would say, if you double movement, you can get to the top of the cliff as a raven, right now.

TALIESIN: I'm going to try and do that and circle around the side--

MATT: Circle around the side-- so right now, you have rushed around, and because I don't have a specific raven for you, I'll just say for now, this giant eagle represents where you are.

TALIESIN: ♪ Fly like an eagle ♪

MATT: You are right there.

TALIESIN: Trying to keep some cover as I make my way around.

MATT: Right. So you watch Percy loop around as the raven and perch on the edge of the cliff side, just barely in within your sight.

SAM: I'm going to drop Polymorph on him.

MATT: Okay. Percival, you are right there.

SAM: And I'm going to-- oh, sorry, you have more to do?

MATT: Well, that was your movement and your action to get over there.

TALIESIN: For a bonus action, I'm going to Second Wind.

MATT: Okay, go for it. Take your Second Wind.

TALIESIN: Yay, I'm now at 28 HP.

MATT: Hey, that's better than one. Keyleth, Derrig, what are you guys doing?

MARISHA: Is that all you're doing?

MATT: Scanlan dropped it, Scanlan gets his turn as well.

MARISHA: Scanlan, are you no longer a dolphin?

SAM: How far down--

MATT: No, he's no longer a dolphin, he's climbing the edge of the cliff.

SAM: How far down, how tall is this cliff?

MATT: It's about, I'd say, roughly 150 feet.

MARISHA: I got you.

SAM: Whoa.

MARISHA: I got you. I got you. So on my turn I will--

SAM: I will Dimension Door up.

MARISHA: Oh, nevermind he's got it.

MATT: Okay. Up to the very edge of the cliff.

SAM: Yeah, yes, yes.

MATT: You appear right on the tip, like--

SAM: And I will bonus action heal myself.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: Just for whatever that is. 1st-level right, we are allowed to do that at this--

MATT: 1st-level, yep. In this campaign, yeah.

SAM: I appreciate the help, but this way I get to do a bonus action.


MATT: d4 plus charisma modifier.

SAM: Yeah, so that's one plus-- Charisma, six, or something, right?

MATT: Mm-hmm.

SAM: Charisma six, all right, seven points, yes!

MATT: You got it.

SAM: I think that's it.

MATT: All right, Keyleth?

MARISHA: I will cast Sunbeam, that's my concentration spell.

MATT: Right, because you can cast in beast form.


MATT: That's right. Okay, so you cast Sunbeam, you have it, it's now concentrated.

MARISHA: And I'll hold for now, but it's on.

MATT: Okay, you're still a water elemental, chilling on the edge of the cliff.

MARISHA: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Can I take this bonus action to turn into a earth elemental and slide to the edge of the cliff?

MATT: Because you have unlimited beast shapes.

MARISHA: Level 20 druids.

MATT: Ah, fucking druids.

SAM: They're the worst.

LAURA: Level 20 druids can do anything--

SAM: Forever.

LAURA: Level 20 ranger-rogue-- Drowns. Super easy.

MATT: I'm sorry.

LAURA: It's just the way it is.

LIAM: You multi-classed.

LAURA: (laughing)

MATT: So you (whooshing), and then vanish into the cliff side.

MARISHA: Can I use my movement to elevator up a little bit?

MATT: Yeah, you can earth glide up to it, I'll allow it. Okay.


MATT: All right. So that's everybody, so now we've-- Oh no, sorry, Derrig.

LIAM: Right, if I saw her turn into a big rock thing, which I've seen three times before, and I see this lump go up the side, then I'm swimming towards land.

MATT: So you're swimming--

LIAM: So 30 feet.

MATT: 30 feet. So since you're going along the cliff, we'll get you on to the cliff side there.

LIAM: Okay and then I'd like to make, I guess, an athletics check to climb that shit.

MATT: Yeah. On that side of the cliff, it's not as high, you only have about, I'd say, 80 or so feet, 70 feet to climb.

LIAM: Okay, so does the ring of free movement factor into this at all, if I don't like totally fuck my--

MATT: No, it doesn't.

LIAM: Doesn't at all, okay, got it. Rolling, shitty roll, athletics?

MATT: Mm-hmm.

LIAM: 12.

MATT: 12, okay, you get out of the water and you start climbing the edge of the cliff a bit, you get about 15 feet up and that's as much this turn.

LIAM: Got it, all right.

MATT: Yep, that finishes your go, top of the round. Now, we're back into initiative order, everybody's locked into initiative. Percy, you're up first.

TALIESIN: All right, I'm going to come around the side of those rocks real quick there.

MATT: On the steps there?

TALIESIN: Yep. I'm going to hop around to get a shot on two of the people who are getting in the way of Grog.

MATT: Okay, about there you can see them, right there.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I'm going to take a piercing shot. I'm going to spend a grit point for piercing shot.

MATT: Okay, against which one of these?

TALIESIN: The two front ones in the line.

MATT: There, you got it.

TALIESIN: Here we go. Yeah, I don't get a bonus on that, do I?

MATT: Nope.

TALIESIN: With Retort, which is definitely an iffy gun. Here we go. That's a 24 to hit.

MATT: That hits.

SAM: Pew!

TALIESIN: That's-- Nine points of damage to the first one.

MATT: Nine points, you got it. And the second one you roll for another attack to hit him.

TALIESIN: Another attack, that's right.

MATT: I believe with disadvantage on that one.

TALIESIN: I think it's just a straight roll, if I recall. It's just that it could, if I recall it's just a straight roll.

MATT: I'll double check. I don't have it on this phone, shit.

TALIESIN: I'll roll disadvantage, really.

SAM: On this phone, how many phones do you have?

MATT: I think it's you get to attack the first one and then--

TALIESIN: And disadvantage on the next.

MATT: The other ones I think, all the ones behind it.

TALIESIN: Okay, that's a 16 to hit.

MATT: 16 still hits.

TALIESIN: And that's seven points of damage.

MATT: Seven points of damage, you got it.

TALIESIN: That's the first attack.

MATT: So the gun shot sound happens and you watch them, a handful of them look over, Sylas looks over in that direction, but you are just out of his sight range from the rock right there in that point.

TALIESIN: I'm going to take two more shots.

MATT: Go for it.


MATT: That was your first shot, was the piercing shot, Right?

TALIESIN: Yeah, it was.

MATT: So you technically have three more shots.

TALIESIN: I have three more shots now?

MATT: Because you're a level 20, because you have four attacks on level 20.

TALIESIN: Fuck, that's so crazy.

TRAVIS: Ooh, get 'em, Perce.

TALIESIN: All right, let's--

MATT: You have to reload after that,

TALIESIN: I have a bonus action for that, so that's fine.

TRAVIS: Nobody fucks with Perc'ahlia.

TALIESIN: I'm going to spend another grit point for advantage. Where's my grit points?

MARISHA: You're so crazy.

TALIESIN: I know. Where'd my grit points go? Well, I know how many I have so this is one and two. And that's a 25 to hit.

MATT: 25 hits.

TALIESIN: This is terrible, eight points of piercing--

MATT: To this guy there or this one gets--

TALIESIN: Yeah, that guy there.

MATT: The one you already hit?


MATT: All right, eight points piercing. All righty, two more attacks. He's looking hurt, he's taken quite a beating from Grog and he's still taking in two shots from you from behind.

TALIESIN: Another, just a straight shot.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: 27 to hit.

MATT: That hits, roll damage.

TALIESIN: 11 points of piercing.

MATT: Ooh nice, all righty.

TALIESIN: And one more. That's 18 to hit.

MATT: That hits, roll damage.

MARISHA: Kill it.

TALIESIN: That's 15 points of damage.

MATT: 15 points of damage.

TRAVIS: Fucking get at him!

MATT: (gun shooting) (whooshing evaporation) Turns into mist.


SAM: Nice.

MATT: And attempts to start floating away. His mist form is right there.

TALIESIN: I'm going to-- Duck down with what little is left of my movement, I'm going to--

MATT: You can move down about ten feet.

TALIESIN: Yeah, so I'm going to hop and take cover.

MATT: Okay, you got it. Finishing Percy's round, that brings us to their turn. They go ahead and look over and can't see who's in the vicinity, and instead just go ahead and turn back, to focus on Grog.

TALIESIN: One down.

MATT: This guy's going to stay pincered there, this guy's going to stay there. One of these guys has you grappled, the grapple guy is going to attempt to bite you once, as well as a-- slash, the slash first. That is going to be a-- yeah, that hits, that's a 26 to hit. With the claws you suffer-- Four plus that, so it's seven points slashing damage reduced to three. Now he's going to attempt to bite you. That is going to be a 16 to hit.

TRAVIS: Misses.

MATT: Yep, tries to bite into you and you just shrug it off with your shoulder, it barely even scrapes the skin.

TRAVIS: Can I use my retaliation to take a swipe at him?

MATT: You may, that's this guy here.

TRAVIS: Great.

SAM: Retaliation.

TRAVIS: Yes. 21 to hit.

MATT: That hits, roll damage.

TRAVIS: 17, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 23 points of slashing damage, two points of necrotic.

MATT: Plus your--

TRAVIS: Oh, Enlarge.

MATT: Additional Enlarge, which is I think a d4, right?

TRAVIS: Four points, 27 total.

MATT: 27 points damage, oof, that's a nasty hit. All right. Other guy's going to attack you, slashing twice, that's going to be a 19 to hit.


MATT: You take-- Eight points of slashing damage reduced to four. Yeah, that hits, that's 23 to hit. You take another-- Another eight points of slashing damage reduced to four.


MATT: Two more attacks, that definitely hits, a natural 18. You take another eight points reduced to four.

LAURA: Oh my god.

MATT: And that one misses you.

TRAVIS: Great.

MATT: All right, that finishes their go. Keyleth, you're up now.

MARISHA: Okay, I am elevatoring up.

MATT: What's the movement on your--

MARISHA: 30 feet burrow speed.

MATT: 30 feet burrow speed?

MARISHA: Earth glide.

MATT: Earth glide.

MARISHA: Straight up.

MATT: All right, so you moved up 30 feet previously. You now move up another 30 feet-- that's 60 feet up. You have another like, we'll say-- 60, 150, you have another like, 70 feet to get to the surface.


MATT: 70, 80 feet.

SAM: Jeepers.

MARISHA: Okay. Can I use my bonus action to do one more?

MATT: Not bonus action--

MARISHA: Or my action.

MATT: Use your action to move up.

MARISHA: Sorry. My action to move again.

MATT: Okay, yeah. Next turn, if you do both, you can get up to the top.


MATT: So you're shifting up in that area, finishing Keyleth's go. It's now Sylas' turn.

SAM: Sylas, where's he? Oh god, that's Sylas?



SAM: No, no!

MATT: Going to warp around that way at an immense speed as he spins around behind, he's now flanking the guy on the opposite side of you, having you surrounded Grog. He's going to go ahead and take his attacks on you. So with the advantage on those, as he's flanking you. The first attack is going to be a 25 to hit.

TRAVIS: That hits.

MATT: Second attack is going to be a 26 to hit.

TRAVIS: That hits.

ASHLEY: Oh my god.

MATT: Third attack is going to be a 29 to hit.

TRAVIS: Yes, sir.

MATT: All righty, so all three attacks hit you with the greataxe. You suffer 16 points of slashing damage, reduced to eight.

TRAVIS: Great.

TALIESIN: Motherfucker.

MATT: I'm doing all the attacks at once. 23 points of slashing damage reduce to 11.


ASHLEY: Sheesh.

MATT: And then, oh-- 26 points of slashing damage reduced to 13.

TRAVIS: I'll use my Stone's Endurance which is a 1d12-

MATT: It's a reaction-- is it? You already used your reaction to retaliate, I think.

TRAVIS: Is it a reaction? I thought it was something I could do. Just says Stone's Endurance, subtract 1d12 Con from damage taken, once per short, long rest.

MATT: Let me double check here, as far as the racial notes.

LIAM: Are you still grappled b-t-dubs?

TRAVIS: Think so, yeah.

MATT: Stone's Endurance, you can use your reaction to roll, and so you have to--

TRAVIS: I'll save it for the next turn.

MATT: All right, so you marked all that damage down?

TRAVIS: 26 in half was 13, right?

MATT: 13. And now you do the necrotic damage, this is not halved.


LIAM: Wow.

MATT: That is 15 points necrotic damage.

TRAVIS: Yes, sir.

MATT: 14 points necrotic damage.

SAM: Oh, rough.

MATT: And-- 16 points necrotic damage.

TRAVIS: Great.


MATT: That's going to finish Sylas' turn.

TRAVIS: Beautiful.

SAM: How you doing there, Groggy?

TRAVIS: Oh, aces. My plumage is a-flyin' high.

MATT: Grog, you're up.

TRAVIS: Great, I will-- Turn on Sylas and say--

MATT: This mist is also going to drift away.

LAURA: Fuck that mist.

MATT: And double move, try and make its way out of there.

TRAVIS: Let's you and I dance proper. And I will go into a frenzied rage.

MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: And I will make all three of my attacks reckless against Sylas.

MATT: Go for it.

TRAVIS: That is 30 to hit.

MATT: That hits.

TRAVIS: And that is-- Eight, 22, 24--

LIAM: Heads up, Matt, I think you jumped my Air Ashari, but I'll just go after Grog.

TRAVIS: 27 on the first.

MATT: Oh yeah, you're right, you're after Keyleth, I'm sorry, that's my fault.

LIAM: No sweat, no sweat.

TRAVIS: 27 points of damage on the first one.

MATT: 27 points, is any of that necrotic?

TRAVIS: Two points from necrotic.

MATT: Gotcha.

TRAVIS: Do I crit on a 19 now?

MATT: I don't believe so, that was something we had with--

TRAVIS: Sword of Kas.

MATT: Sword of Kas, which you got rid of.

TRAVIS: This is a million. It's natural 19, so it definitely hits.

SAM: He has legendary resistances?

MATT: He had them previously when you fought him.

SAM: Huh? He had them previously? How many did he have last time, three?

MATT: Three.

SAM: So he might have even more now.

TRAVIS: That's 28 points of slashing damage with three points of necrotic on that.

MATT: Got you.

TRAVIS: And the last one is-- 30 to hit.

MATT: That hits, roll damage.

TRAVIS: That's better. 22, 26, dope, 32-- Come here 1d4. 32, 34 points with three points of necrotic damage.

MATT: You got it. Oof, that is almost 90 points of damage in one round. As you're slashing and carving into Sylas, you watch he's still just grinning.

TRAVIS: Beautiful, I will use my movement to rush straight--

MATT: Still grappled, unfortunately. You cannot move.

TRAVIS: Fuck, that totally changes my plan. Understood, with my bonus action I will--

MATT: You already attacked him with your bonus action.

TRAVIS: Oh, that's right because that's when I frenzied raged, I will do nothing, thank you.

MATT: All right, Grog's turn is done, coming back to you, Derrig.

LIAM: I don't think I would get to anybody, but I got a movement, an action, and an action surge, so I'll get as high up the cliff face as I can with that.

MATT: Okay, make an athletics check for me.

LIAM: Yes, sir.

ASHLEY: Come on.

LIAM: That's good, that is 27.

MATT: 27, I'll say with all three of those that gets you up onto the cliff with an additional ten feet of movement.

LIAM: I start moving forward towards the scrum.

MATT: Cool, that's your turn.

LIAM: Mm-hmm.

MATT: That brings us to Vex and Pike.

LAURA: Using everything to just fuckin' run and get there--

ASHLEY: Run and get there, I'm going to keep running and casting spells that are too much for the situation or don't make any sense.

MATT: Okay, we'll say next time you guys will make it onto the board.

LAURA: Great.

MATT: But the range of your arrows are--?

LAURA: I don't have a bow on me, I'm, like--

MATT: Oh, that's right.

LAURA: Got no weapons.

LIAM: Nerfed.

SAM: It's going to be fine.

LAURA: I got like a fucking dagger probably in my pants.

LIAM: In your wedding pants?

ASHLEY: You don't have your bow?

LAURA: I don't have a bow, why would I have a bow and arrows when I'm fucking at a rehearsal dinner?

SAM: Well, remember the bow and arrow pin that you were wearing?

LAURA: Oh yeah, just-- pew! I lost that in the water.

MATT: Actually, we'll say, as part of the rigor mortis, you're still clutching the arrow pin.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Sure (laughs).

LIAM: You know what this is doing, though, is building character.

LAURA: Mm, mm-hmm.

MATT: All right, that finishes your go. Scanlan, you're up.

LIAM: Death builds character.

SAM: Well, I'm assuming he's very powerful. Wow, Grog is getting wrecked over there. I don't want to-- I was going to do something, but I don't want to hurt Grog. So I guess I'll shoot-- I'll shoot a Lightning Bolt that hopefully will hit Sylas and that guy in front of him.

MATT: Okay. So you just step up form there and then fire.

SAM: Pew!

MATT: Right straight through.

SAM: Yeah, I assume I don't have my cone, so it's a 19 to save?

MATT: 19 to save.

SAM: No, 20 to save.

MATT: 20 to save. Sylas-- oh, fails. He's going to use one of his legendary resistances.

SAM: Ah-ha there it is.

LIAM: There it is.

MATT: The other vampire-- fails with a natural two.

SAM: Lightning bolt is 8d6 or is it--?

MATT: 8d6 at 3rd-level.

SAM: 8d6, thank you. 8d6, okay.

LIAM: This is cool.

SAM: 36 points of damage.

MATT: 36 points of damage, that's nice.

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: 18 to Sylas and-- Two other coming up there behind them. That is a big ol' chunk. As the one that's right in front of Sylas-- the bolt takes squarely to the chest before arcing back into Sylas, you watch the chest burn, this big puff of smoke dark off the front of his torso. Hurt, but still standing. Angrily hisses in your direction.

SAM: Sure. I will move towards that spire thing over there, just to get behind it a little bit. Yeah, and I'll inspire Grog because he's in it. I'll sing to him: ♪ Oh, well it just like the ocean ♪ ♪ Right over there ♪ ♪ Where the bride and groom died ♪ ♪ And it made me really scared ♪ ♪ I've got a lot of moves, but I can't do this alone ♪ ♪ So do something cool, make it quick ♪ ♪ Or let's forget about it ♪


MATT: Oh my god.


MARISHA: That was great.

LIAM: Oh, I miss it so much.

TRAVIS: Oh man.

ASHLEY: Me, too.

MATT: All right, so take that inspiration, Grog.

TRAVIS: Yes, d12, right?


MATT: You got it. All right, cool. Brings finishing that round there, top of the round. Percy, you're up.

TALIESIN: Fudge, I'm going to-- Peek my head up over the cliff one more time, see what the situation is.

MATT: Okay, so you shift up five, ten to peak off the top. You see Grog being surrounded by all of them and he's-- how you looking, Grog?

TRAVIS: I'm okay.

MATT: Okay, he's looking okay. Bleeding, but he's still just large and slamming--

TRAVIS: I've been worse.

TALIESIN: One of them is grappling him though, right?

MATT: Correct. That's the one on that end there.

TALIESIN: Cool, I'm taking a shot at that one.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: And I'm going to be using-- I'm going to be doing a trick shot, I'm going to getting him to drop.

MATT: Okay, all right, go ahead and--

TRAVIS: Sylas?

TALIESIN: No, the vampire that's holding you.

TRAVIS: Oh cool.

TALIESIN: Nope, I'm spending the rest of my turn trying to get my gun to fix, so.

MATT: Misfire.

TALIESIN: It's a misfire.

MARISHA: (gasps) No.

SAM: It was wet, it was just a little wet.

TRAVIS: Gotta get them dry.

SAM: Keep your powder dry.

TALIESIN: I can't shoot again, but I can at least try and fix it for the rest of my turn.

MATT: I'll let you try that, yeah.

TALIESIN: Barely, so yeah. because this is the one that sucks, so, just barely.

MATT: Yep, there you go.

TALIESIN: I rolled terribly, goddamn it.

MATT: But it was a five, right?


MATT: With your dex and everything, you're fine. So you repaired the gun this turn. You got it. You still have your movement if you want to try and--

TALIESIN: I'm definitely go to-- since nothing happened, I'm definitely going to like-- Return to cover, I'm going to get some decent cover again.

MATT: You got it, so you're back in that space there.

TALIESIN: That was useless.

MATT: All right, the vampires now.

TALIESIN: Fucking useless.

MATT: Yep, the one that's going to attempt to assault, it's going after you, Grog, they're trying to tear you down, given you're the sincere danger right now.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I understand.

MATT: That's going to be 15 to hit.

TRAVIS: Misses.

MATT: Misses. And a 24 to hit.


MATT: So it's a claw attack you for ten reduced to five.


MATT: Other one is going to attempt to hit you for 18.

TRAVIS: Misses.

MATT: 18 misses. Claw attack, attack there misses. That is going to be a 17, which misses you again. The other one has two more attacks against you. Natural 20.

SAM: Oh boy. Oh boy.

MATT: That'll be-- 13 to reduced to six points of slashing damage to you and is going to attempt to bite attack you.


MATT: That is going to be a 19.


MATT: So you take-- Yes, bites into you, five points of piercing damage reduced to two.


MATT: And you suffer six points of necrotic damage.


MATT: Which reduces your maximum hit points by six.

TRAVIS: Gotcha.

MATT: All right, and that finishes their go. They're going to go ahead and swarm over this way, this one is going to shift over to this point there, and this one's going to--

TRAVIS: They're all in melee still, yeah.

MATT: Yeah, move through his friend to that side there, they're rearranging and moving around you, and trying to keep you confused and looking around. That finishes their go, now it is Keyleth's turn. Keyleth, you manage to full movement, get back up there.

MARISHA: Up the elevator.

MATT: So now you-- out of the ground behind, clutching your Sunbeam, but that's your action and movement to get up there. Sylas looks over and sees you and goes-- There's a look of recognition in his face.

MARISHA: And I just go-- As an elemental in the same way.

SAM: Can you smell what The Rock is cooking?


MATT: You got it, all right--

MARISHA: And I just look at Grog and I go--

TRAVIS: (laughing) What does that mean?

MARISHA: I'm open!


Over here.

MATT: All right, Derrig, your turn.

LIAM: Is there-- one of those two vampires that still on its feet, the one that's grappling Grog?

MATT: It's this one here.

LIAM: All right, so, am I able to close that distance? I can't tell.

MATT: Ten, 15, 25, 30, what's your speed?

LIAM: It's-- It is 30.

MATT: 30, you've--

LIAM: I will spend a superiority die-- wait, what's that?

MATT: You cannot close the distance--

LIAM: Then I'll spend the superiority die to lunge attack, that's like an extra five feet.

MATT: Oh yeah, go for it.

TALIESIN: Superiority dice, man.

LIAM: 19, definitely hits.

MATT: That hits, go ahead and roll some damage, yo.

TALIESIN: Is that crit?


LIAM: No, we want that sweet, sweet 20.

TALIESIN: Oh, that's right because you've got the fucking vorpal sword.

MATT: You do have an advantage on the attack, don't forget, because you are technically pincering--

LIAM: Give me a 20.

MATT: Actually no, against that guy you do not. Sorry, against the corner guy you have advantage. Against the guy you're attacking you do not. So go ahead and roll damage.

LIAM: Nice, I'm doing it. Okay so here's the superiority-- superiority die is four plus-- Scanning-- new character, who dis? So it's 16, so 20 total for that.

MATT: 20 total, great. So you watch now between the damage it's already taken and that one, he's looking fairly hurt, that one.

LIAM: Mm-hmm, but that's my action and I can't reach any-- reach them with the other two because it's only the first--

MATT: You can't reach that guy unless you do more lunging attacks. You can reach that guy.

LIAM: Oh, well then, I'll unload the next two attacks on that fella.

MATT: You got it.

TALIESIN: Who you have the advantage with.

MATT: You do have an advantage against him because you're-- technically, Grog is putting him in a flanking position.

LIAM: So that is 28 for that one.

MATT: That hits.

LIAM: Okay. That is 16 points of damage.

MATT: You got it.

LIAM: And the next one. Dang it, a 19. I want it so bad. It is, six plus nine, it is 15.

MATT: 15, oh, he's looking really rough, too.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: Both in a bad place. All right, that finishes your go.

LIAM: All done.

MATT: Next up is Sylas.

LIAM: I want to decapitate a vampire so bad.

MARISHA: I know.

MATT: Sylas... now sees everyone else showing up in that position. Sylas is going to take off this way.

SAM: Oh no.

MARISHA: You bitch.

LIAM: Biiiiiii--

TALIESIN: Attack of opportunity?

SAM: Because he's grappled he doesn't.

MATT: That's 40-- hmm?

SAM: Does Grog get an attack?

MATT: He does, if you want to use your reaction to hit him.


MATT: All right.

LAURA: (southern accent) Hit that Sylas motherfucker.

TRAVIS: That's a 29.

MATT: 29?

TRAVIS: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Okay, that hits, roll damage.

TRAVIS: 11, 25, 29, 34, 36 with five points of necrotic in there, 36 points just slashing damage.

SAM: 36, wait, necrotic, can he take that?

MATT: Okay, he rushes up, looks right towards you, Keyleth, glowers at you. I need you to make a wisdom saving throw for me.

LIAM: Smear that motherfucker.

LAURA: Wisdom, you're so wise.

LIAM: Wise as fuck, wise as fuck.

MARISHA: Wisdom saving throw?

ASHLEY: W-A-F, waf.

LIAM: Waf.

MARISHA: Which one, which one, don't fuck me, don't fuck me this time. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. 27.

SAM: Wow, wow.

MATT: Yeah, all right.


MATT: The charm does not affect your form.

TRAVIS: Charm, charm, charm.

MARISHA: I also have advantage on saves against being charmed.

MATT: There you go.

MARISHA: Being fae ancestry.

MATT: That's true, so roll again, why not, why not.

MARISHA: Nope, we'll stick with that first one.

MATT: Okay. He now knows not to do that. All right, that finishes his turn there. That brings us to-- Grog.

TRAVIS: So I need to break the grapple if I want to move, right?

MATT: Correct.

LAURA: I want to do something, I want to do something.

SAM: Just one big swipe. The one who's grappling you is the one that Liam lunged at, right?

TRAVIS: Uh-huh, I do have back up, oh boy. Oh boy, okay. I will-- Yeah. I'll take all three frenzied attacks at-- I'll start at the one that was grappling me or I have to spend my action to break the grapple, right?

MATT: Yes, got to spend your action to break it, so if you want to attack him twice instead, it's up to you.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'll attack him twice.

MATT: Go for it. He's already hit pretty hard.

TRAVIS: Oh shit. That is a 35.

MATT: That definitely hits, go to roll damage.

TRAVIS: Okay. Nine-- 21, four points of necrotic, 21-- 25 total.

MATT: 25 total. Yeah, he's looking really rough. So you hack him, slams on the ground like pancaked out, you withdraw the axe and he's like-- he's trying to get back up. Next attack roll is--

TRAVIS: It's kind of cocked. Better-- 26.

MATT: 26, go ahead and roll damage.

TRAVIS: 21, 25, hey, 27-- 27 with one point of necrotic for 28 total.

MATT: He turns into mist from the impact, you are no longer grappled.

TRAVIS: No longer grappled with one more attack?

MATT: With your bonus action, yeah.


MATT: Slick.


TRAVIS: Excellent.

MATT: You've earned it.


TRAVIS: I will take it on the vampire that's closest to you.

MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: 26 to hit.

MATT: That hits, yeah, roll damage.


MATT: This guy has not been hit yet.

TRAVIS: 22, 26, 26 plus one hit necrotic for 27 and 30 total.

MATT: 30, oh, heavy strike. Nice, that finish your turn?

TRAVIS: Yes, it does.

MATT: All right, Sylas is going to use his legendary action.

TRAVIS: Actually-- My movement, I still have my movement.

MATT: You do.

TRAVIS: I'm going to stay there.

MATT: Okay. The end of your turn, Sylas is going to use one of his legendary actions to go ahead and move his speed.

MARISHA: Oh, he went the other way?

LIAM: Son of a fuck.

MATT: Yep.

SAM: Where's he going?

MATT: Vex and Pike, you're up.

ASHLEY: Okay, okay.

LAURA: Can we get on the board?

MATT: Yes, you guys with your movement, can get up onto the board.


LAURA: And how far away are we from everything?

MATT: Well-- These vampires are roughly, like, we'll say 40, 45 feet.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Sylas is about 60 to 70 feet from you.

LAURA: As we crest the top of the cliff, I'm going to take the pin that I took from Percy, flip it in the air, throw it up and cast Conjure Barrage.

SAM: Whoa.

MATT: I'll allow it.

LAURA: With it, that's everything in a 60 foot cone.

MATT: That includes-- Who are you wanting to hit, like everyone here?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Including Grog?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: All righty, so you take the--

LAURA: That's a dex save.

MATT: Dex save on them, all righty.

TRAVIS: I'm good for those.

MATT: So both vampires. What's the DC?

LAURA: 17.

MATT: 17, no both fail.

TRAVIS: I rolled a 17.

LAURA: Hey, nice.

MATT: That's 60 feet you said?


MATT: Gotcha.

LIAM: Hey Matt, what's that ring on the-- did a vampire go invisible or something?

MATT: That's mist.

LIAM: Mist, thank you.

LAURA: So that's 11 points.

MATT: 11 points, all right.

LAURA: 11 points of damage. But at the same time as that's hitting, yeah, I'm going to say, Sylas! Delilah Briarwood was a bitch! And I'm going to cast Blessing of the Dawnfather, as a bonus action.

SAM: Oh, the Dawnfather.

MATT: All righty.

LAURA: So I light up with the light of day.

MATT: You are now emanating like a sun, in a certain radius around you.

LAURA: 120 feet.

TRAVIS: 120 feet around you?


LIAM: Oh that's like most of the map.


MATT: Yeah. Emanating. Okay.

LIAM: (singing "Immigrant Song")

TRAVIS: (loud braying laughter)

MATT: Okay, then.

SAM: Bridezilla.

TRAVIS: Uh oh.

TRAVIS: Uh oh! (laughter)

MATT: Pike, your turn.

MATT: My turn?

MATT: Yeah, what're you going to do?

ASHLEY: Foo, foo, foo foo, foo foo! Okay, I am going to-- Hold my holy symbol and I am going to create a Spiritual Weapon.

MATT: Okay, what kind of weapon you want to make?

ASHLEY: I want it to look like-- Fenthras but gold, all gold.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: And I want to make a bow for Vex.

MATT: I'll allow it.

SAM: Interesting!

LIAM: That's fucking dope!

TRAVIS: Oh shit!

ASHLEY: Okay, okay.

MATT: So you'll be giving up your Spiritual Weapon bonus action attacks, but you'll be outfitting her with a magical bow.



LAURA: Do I get arrows in it?

MATT: Yeah, it creates arrows on the fly.

LAURA: Magical Fenthras arrows! Would that be a normal attack or would that be the spiritual weapon attack?

MATT: No it would be your normal attack, and considered magical, let's say plus one.

LAURA: Pike!

LIAM: Dope. Dope!

MATT: That's a creative use of that, I'll allow it.

ASHLEY: Okay, so, that's a bonus action, and then I would also like to-- Cast-- Daylight over-- Sylas.

MATT: Daylight, right here?


MATT: What's the range on it?

ASHLEY: 60 feet.

MATT: 60 feet, oh, yeah, so-- you create this large beam. So Vex'ahlia is now just this star that like, everyone right now over in Shamal Bay sees this bright shining light, like a tiny little bead of the sun just appeared on this cliff face and then a secondary daylight orb just appeared on this far corner. You watch all the vampires and Sylas all-- (hiss) they're all shrinking down from both radiant blasts that are just bearing down on them. That's your action, that finishes your turn Pike.


MATT: All right.

ASHLEY: Yeah, oh we already did the-- okay.

MATT: Yeah, Scanlan, you're up.

SAM: I'm up, oh fuck balls shit. He's like 60 feet away from me.

TRAVIS: Fucking dope.

SAM: And he's fleeing.

MATT: You don't know, he moved back.

SAM: He moved back. I will unload my Wand of Fireballs at him.

MATT: At Sylas?

LIAM: Wow.

SAM: Yes.

MATT: All right, how many--

SAM: I mean, it's a million so, I think it's unfair to use all of them. If I use all of it, it's an 8th-level Fireball spell.

MATT: That's up to you, man.

SAM: All right.

TRAVIS: Fuckin' nuke that guy.

SAM: Yes, I will do that.

LIAM: Sure, you can take it.

MATT: All right, so if that says 3rd-level, so it--

SAM: One, two, three, four, five.

MATT: It's five additional, so that's 13d6.

SAM: I hope he's not fire resistant.

LIAM: So like, 36 or 40 points of damage.

TALIESIN: He needs max, yeah.

TRAVIS: Just put it far enough away from me.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: He's going to make a dex save plus the DC for the--

TRAVIS: I'm actually resistant to fire, so light it up.

SAM: It's just the standard spell, it's not my spell save DC, so it's like a 13 or 14 or something.

MATT: Yeah, so he makes the save, so he's half damage.

SAM: Half damage, oh bullshit.

LAURA: That's okay, that's okay.

MATT: That's okay, it's still a lot of--

LIAM: Baller move.

LAURA: It's still like 7d6.

SAM: This is just-- let me see, count these up, this is 12, so there's one more after that.

ASHLEY: Oh my god.

MARISHA: There's another one there.

SAM: Uh-huh, you're right. Okay, oh boy, this is a lot of math.

LIAM: That might be the second largest amount of dice rolled next to Keyleth's cliff dive.


TRAVIS: Nothing will ever top that dice roll.

SAM: 52.

MATT: 52, oof! Sylas takes 26 fire damage. The explosion is-- you've seen some fireballs, but this is like dense nuclear hydrogen fire, as it just burns in this space. As soon as the fire spirals and burns away, you see Sylas hunkered down, like in a shell position, like-- The sunlight bearing down on him, you can see it burning his flesh and the vampires in the vicinity are like-- (hisses)

SAM: Sweet.

MATT: So you moved out to fire that, then you want back in?

SAM: Yes, I did, I'll move a little bit towards the battle, towards Derrig, as far as I can go.

MATT: Okay, that'll get you out there.

SAM: And I will inspire-- who's going to do something cool? Probably Keyleth--

MARISHA: I'm after you.

SAM: You're after me?

MARISHA: Me or Percy, Percy and then me.

MATT: You got Keyleth, you can see Keyleth, you can see Vex, you can see Grog, you can see Pike, and you can see Derrig.

SAM: Fuck, they're all right there. I will inspire-- I will inspire Keyleth, because she's up next. Although she doesn't really need me. Your spells just happen, you don't need to roll.

LIAM: I'm in range.

SAM: You're in range? You need it.

LIAM: Yeah, there's an exact amount of squares to get me on Sylas.

SAM: Okay, I will inspire you. I'll sing to you. ♪ You got skills ♪ ♪ They're multiplyin' ♪ ♪ But you're losing control ♪ ♪ With the power ♪ ♪ I'm supplyin' ♪ ♪ It's inspiration-afyin'! ♪

ASHLEY: Oh, wow.


LAURA: It was-- I had it, I was with you up until that last--

SAM: But I said "fyin'!" So that's cool.

LIAM: This is why they're legendary.

MATT: Begrudgingly take your d12.

TRAVIS: The stories are true.

MATT: End of your turn?

SAM: That's it.

MATT: All right, end of your turn. Sylas is going to use another legendary action.



MATT: To move 40 feet.

LIAM: Goddamn it.

LAURA: But I provoked him. Damn it.

SAM: Now it's a car chase.

LIAM: Well, I'm out.

LAURA: Motherfucker.

ASHLEY: Goddamn it.

LIAM: Legendary action to move?

MATT: What's the radius of your sunlight?

LAURA: 120 feet.

MATT: He's still in the radius. All right, that finishes--

ASHLEY: He's still in the radius.

MATT: Percy, it's your turn.

TALIESIN: I'm going to back the fuck up from this dude but while I do, I'm going to take a shot.

SAM: Oh, yeah, you're over there.

MATT: Over here you mean?

TALIESIN: Yeah, I'm going to be backing up and heading towards Keyleth, yeah.

MATT: You got it.

TALIESIN: For my full movement and I'm going to be--

MATT: Full movement, that'll get you back up here.

TALIESIN: Yeah, and if I can find cover from him, too, at the end of my movement.

MATT: Okay, you'll probably have to move back here.

TALIESIN: Yeah, that's fine. I'm going to hit him with a-- I'm going to try and do a-- A called shot and I'm going to try and hit him in the leg.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: With this terrible, terrible gun. That's a 21 to hit.

MATT: That hits, just barely. Hit his armor class.

TALIESIN: So that's a trick shot, so I don't have the data here because this is not the full character sheet. It's a leg or wing shot--

MATT: Right, so he has to make a strength saving throw or be knocked prone.

TALIESIN: Ah, yes.

SAM: Oh, that would help a lot.

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: And he also takes his damage.

MATT: Right, that is going to be a 22.

TALIESIN: Oh yeah, he saves that.

MATT: So he makes it.

TALIESIN: But he still takes-- Still takes 14 points of damage.

MATT: 14 points of damage, you got it. He's starting to look a little haggard, you can see now, the sweat and the dark undead blood that's pouring out of his face, he's starting to look like he's-- He's not doing great.

TALIESIN: I'm going to take another-- I'm going to take a-- I can't remember any of the names to anything, a deadeye, one more deadeye shot, just to make sure I hit him.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: 20, 27 to hit.

MATT: That hits, roll damage.

TALIESIN: That's 12 points.

MATT: 12 points.

TALIESIN: I only have like two more grit points left, but fuck it, one more dead shot.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: It's your wedding day, man.

TALIESIN: Yay! That's a critical.


MATT: Which is hemorrhaging shot.

TALIESIN: Which is a hemorrhaging shot, which means--

MATT: He takes half the damage next turn that he takes from this shot.


MATT: Go ahead and roll your critical damage.

TALIESIN: Which is-- Ah-ha!

SAM: Wow.

TALIESIN: That's 26 points of piercing damage.

TRAVIS: Oh fuck, and he'll take 13 the next round.

SAM: Yep.

MATT: At the beginning of his turn.

TALIESIN: And I also get back one of my points, which I'm going to use to make one last deadeye shot.

MATT: Go for it.

LAURA: You're flexing it out of your garter.

TALIESIN: That's a 20 to hit.

MATT: 20 just misses.

TALIESIN: Just misses, well I'm going to burn my last action surge, and take four more shots.

MATT: Jesus.

SAM: Four more shots?

TRAVIS: Let the man work.

MATT: Level 20 fighter, man.

TRAVIS: Let the man work.

TALIESIN: That's a 27 to hit.

MATT: That hits, roll damage.

ASHLEY: Oh my god.

TALIESIN: That's seven points of damage.

MATT: Seven points, got it.

SAM: How many shots is that?

TALIESIN: Eight. That's 24 to hit.

MATT: That hits, roll damage.

SAM: Do you reload at some point?

TALIESIN: Yeah, that's my bonus action.

SAM: Oh, okay.

TALIESIN: That's 15.

MATT: 15, all righty.

TALIESIN: Two more, let's just take 'em together.

MATT: Go for it.

LIAM: Get it, get it, get it, girl.

MARISHA: Oh my god.

TALIESIN: And it jams on me and I put it away and dart off.

MATT: But you got like a-- just unloading into Sylas as he's running backward, just taking all these shots to the chest, you see splatters and explosions across as each bullet impacts his torso. That finishes your turn?

TALIESIN: And I'm ducking and hiding.

MATT: You duck behind, end of your turn, he's going to use his last legendary action to move.

LIAM: Come on.

MATT: And he shifts 40 more feet over to this side. He is running from the light because that shit is about to burn his face.

LIAM: Shit.

MATT: All righty, that brings us to the vampires' turn. At the top of the turn, they both take 20 points of radiant damage from being in the sunlight. The one who's been heavily damaged here, burns away, the mist burns away.


Only one of them managed to pull away and the other one takes 20 additional points of damage from that. So his turn, he's going to run from Grog and attempt to follow suit with Sylas.

TALIESIN: I will take an attack of opportunity against him.

MATT: Go for it.

TRAVIS: That is a 22, 24 to hit.

MATT: 24 hits.

TRAVIS: Three, 17, 21 two points of necrotic for 23, 27 points of slashing damage.

MATT: He's unable to turn into mist form while in the sunlight, that was just like four damage over his maximum. He just like runs-- and then ash goes (puff) onto the rock surface there.

TRAVIS: You fuck.

MATT: All right, that ends their turn, Keyleth you're up.

MARISHA: Can I use my bonus action to turn into an air elemental?

MATT: Sure.

TALIESIN: Asshole.

LAURA: I know.

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Bonus action air elemental, fly a speed of 90 feet towards Sylas.

TALIESIN: Wow, fuck him up.

ASHLEY: Yes. Yes queen.

MATT: 70.

MARISHA: That's good. Okay, and I still have my Sunbeam going.

MATT: You do.

MARISHA: Lasts a minute, so I want to take the daylight that Pike threw out and the starlight from Vex, and I want to toss my ball of sunlight into it to make like a massive sunlight orb. And then I'm going to take it and I want to harness it, and I want to drive it right into him.

MATT: So what you're saying is, you're full on, like, Son Goku like--


TRAVIS: Spirit bomb.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Combining all sunlight elements into his face.

MATT: All right, what is the saving throw for that?

MARISHA: Wait, I switched to air elemental, hang on. I think it's [mumbling] constitution--

LAURA: Get it, gurl, get it get it get it, gurl.

MARISHA: Don't do this to me right now.

LIAM: Chief T.

MARISHA: Hang on, hang on. Let me double check, let me double check.

MATT: It's okay, Sunbeam, it is constitution.


MATT: He-- gets 18, your DC is?


MATT: 21. He's going to use another legendary resistance to--

MARISHA: No sorry, 20, is the--

MATT: Yeah, he still fails. So he uses legendary resistance and succeeds, go ahead and roll damage, he takes half.

MARISHA: Okay, half damage. Okay, seven, ten, 14, 19, 25.

MATT: 25 reduced to half, he takes 13 radiant damage. It burns him. His regeneration is off, he's in a bad place. That finish your turn then, Keyleth?


MATT: All right, Keyleth is done. It's now your turn, Derrig.

LIAM: Derrig is going to run up to Grog and-- swing his sword around in his hand and smack the butt of it into Grog's back, as hard as he can. Whack! I'm going to spend a superiority die to use my maneuvering attack, so a friend or ally can, as a reaction, move half movement. So I'm going to hit Grog in the back and say, "Tell her to go!" and have Keyleth move half her movement forward.

MATT: Okay, so you--

LIAM: Using the superiority die.

MATT: I'll put you to cut off Sylas, so you manage to move around and cut him off, preparing your next blast and Sylas like, sees that after the first blast. You're this way, everyone else is this way, he's starting to think of what his next step it to escape.


MATT: That finish your turn?

LIAM: Yeah, I'll just leave it at that.

MATT: All right, that makes it Sylas' turn. Sylas get his legendary actions back.

LAURA: Shit.

SAM: Oh, he's way far away.

MATT: He is technically now out of the radius of the sun, so he doesn't take radiant damage at the start of his turn.

TRAVIS: But he does take the 13 from Percy.

MATT: He does take the 13 from Percy.

LIAM: And then hopefully--

MATT: He is going to turn into a bat. Goes into his bat form-- And I'll use--

SAM: ♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

MARISHA: ♪ Bat form ♪

TRAVIS: ♪ Licensing ♪

MATT: We'll say for the purpose of that, I'll just keep this as the bat form.

SAM: Giant bat.

MATT: Huge bat and is going to-- So his action, his movement, it's going to be 40, with the bat, yeah. So he goes-- and is going to scoot off in this direction. So he is-- trying to just get out of there best he can.

SAM: You're an Air Ashari right now?

MARISHA: I'm an air elemental, yeah.

SAM: So you can fly?

MARISHA: I can fly.

SAM: Yeah.

LIAM: Legendary shit can make him move.

SAM: Yeah, you can.

MATT: That ends his turn, Grog?

TRAVIS: Yeah, I will run 50 feet in his direction. I will use my action to double that to 100.

MATT: All right, so you rush and you get basically, right where Keyleth is.

TRAVIS: How high off the ground is he?

MATT: Right now, he's about 40 feet off the ground.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'm just going to fuckin' throw my Bloodaxe up at him.


MATT: Go for it. Giant toss.

TALIESIN: Throwin' in the sky.

TRAVIS: That's 28 to hit.

TALIESIN: Oh fuck.

MATT: That hits.

TRAVIS: 26, 30, four points of necrotic for 34, and 35 total.

MATT: Wait, four points of necrotic?

TRAVIS: Four points of necrotic.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: So 35 total.

LAURA: Does that heal him, necrotic?

TRAVIS: No, I don't think, I think it's like half damage on him.

MATT: Yeah. The axe buries into the bat from underneath and you watch, let me see here-- Yeah, he-- The bat, double check because he's polymorphed into it, so yeah, the bat form drops and he slams onto the ground, right next to you.


MARISHA: Oh shit.

LAURA: As Sylas?

MATT: As Sylas, yeah.

LIAM: Oh guys, you could Goodfellas, like kick him, right on the ground.

MATT: He--

SAM: Oh boy.

LAURA: Head stomp.

MATT: Reduces the damage and he has resistance anyway, so he takes very little damage form the impact. He lands on the ground, right there. So it was your action to throw the axe.

TRAVIS: I used my action to double my speed and my bonus action was to throw, so that's that.

MATT: Right. Yeah, that'll be it.

TRAVIS: Because of frenzy, yeah.

MATT: Yep, all right, that brings us to Pike and Vex.

SAM: Yeah, Vex, do this.

LAURA: I run forward.

MATT: You run forward.

LAURA: As much as I can to put him back in the daylight.

MATT: Okay, he would be--

LAURA: It's 120 feet.

MATT: 120 feet. He's just outside of the daylight with that movement speed.

TALIESIN: Even if you double it with her action, you double run?

MATT: If she wanted to.

LAURA: If I double run, but then I don't get an attack. But I could fire--

LIAM: You could possibly end it.

MATT: It's up to you.

MARISHA: Your radiant bow.

SAM: Of course you're going to shoot your magical fucking bow.

LAURA: Well, it's not a radiant bow, it doesn't do radiant damage. Does it? because it's--


MATT: The Spiritual Weapon is radiant damage.

LAURA: So it would do radiant?

MATT: For this, yes.

LIAM: Girl, get it.

MARISHA: Come on.

LAURA: All right fuck it, then I'm going to fuckin' try to hit him, with a fuckin' arrow.

MARISHA: Bridezilla, up in this bitch.

LIAM: Kill a bitch.

MATT: He's prone, so you have disadvantage on the attacks.

LAURA: Oh, he's prone, I thought he landed like--

MATT: No he did, he rolled an athletics-- you're right. So he did land on like--

MARISHA: Three-point landing.

ASHLEY: He landed like douche.

TRAVIS: We start with a douche and we end with the bouche.

MATT: So let's look at the range on this, the long bow is-- 150 foot range, yeah he's in your range you can to make, no disadvantage.

LAURA: 19 plus 16.

MATT: That hits, go to roll damage.

MARISHA: Oh my god.

LIAM: Come on, Vex.

MARISHA: Do this.

ASHLEY: Come on Vex.

LAURA: Oh, bonus action Hunter's Mark.

SAM: Yay!

MATT: Okay. What's the range on Hunter's Mark?


LIAM: Like 60 feet?

LAURA: Probably-- damn it!

MATT: Yeah, he's not in your range for it. That's okay.

LAURA: Whatever. Oh! but he's surrounded, I get sneak attack, bitch.

LIAM: Yep!

MATT: You do.

SAM: Dude, 'cause you're a rogue, too.

LAURA: Okay, wait.

LIAM: (laughing) Come on

LAURA: That's eight, that's 16 plus 1d4 lightning, that's 18 plus--


LAURA: Ooh. 18, 24, 29, 30--

SAM: Ooh!

MARISHA: Come on.

LAURA: 30 and then radiant damage?

MATT: That's considered radiant damage, yeah, so--

LAURA: 30 points of radiant damage.

MATT: All right, wonderfully poetic. How do you want to do this?

(cheering) (cheering)

TALIESIN: Oh my god.

MARISHA: Sorry, sorry.

LAURA: You ruin my rehearsal dinner. You better be glad this wasn't tomorrow. Well, you're not going to be glad at all because I'm going to keep moving forward as I'm saying it and I'm going to put him in radiant blast as I shoot him.

MATT: So as you fire each blow-- he falls to the ground and you see his body begin to turn into mist. And right as he falls on his back and begins to turn into mist, the outer range of Pelor's blessing on you, the Dawnfather's radiant-- and you watch him scream as his body just flakes into a hundred pieces of gray ash before it-- just dissipates.

TRAVIS: I've got goose pimples.


I got no sleeves.

SAM: Wow.

LAURA: I can't believe that motherfucker killed me the day before our wedding.

ASHLEY: I know.

TALIESIN: You all right?

LAURA: I'm alive.

TALIESIN: You look great.

LAURA: Thank you, Pike.

TRAVIS: Who is that? It's so bright.

LAURA: Oh, sorry, I'm-- This is going to last for a while. Sorry about that, Grog. It's got an hour of effect.

SAM: I was actually going to say you look a little tired. Is it--

TALIESIN: Don't tell a bride she looks tired the day before-- What's wrong with you? God.

ASHLEY: I can't believe he did this, just the night before your wedding day.


Pointy face piece of shit.

SAM: That's right.

LAURA: You guys, seriously, we would have been dead. Dead dead. Thank you.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

MARISHA: Please, what's a best man for?

TALIESIN: I'm pretty sure not this, but this was, this was good.

LAURA: Did Tary not even come?

TRAVIS: No, he's--

LAURA: He didn't even come to fucking save us?

TRAVIS: Yeah, he was pretty assed out.

ASHLEY: I think he's still probably-- Sleeping, I think a lot of--

LAURA: What happened?

SAM: Everyone was drugged at your wedding.

MATT: At this point you can now see a large group of people rushing up towards the cliff side, the beacon of sunlight drawing their attention to where this is happening, and you watch as Allura, Kima, Gilmore, Tary, Doty, every member of the dinner that was present, arriving in various states of toxicity, battered, bruised, but whatever makeshift weapons in hand they could find, ready to come up here and join a fray that you guys had already finished. As they all come up-- (panting) Gilmore looks around, "Oh, looks like you got it handled. Um-- (sighing)"

LAURA: Never a worry.

TRAVIS: I mean I have to say, it's like a beautiful spot though.


LAURA: I know, actually, this is--

ASHLEY: And then there's like a golden glow with the--

LAURA: Nicer than--

MARISHA: There's a little bit of-- last--

SAM: We're all here.

MARISHA: Last bit of starlight, is coming out.

SAM: Well, we better not risk it, if we waited another day there could be another attack.

LAURA: I'm down if you are.

TALIESIN: I-- Oh yes, I brought it.

SAM: Also, side note, your dad hasn't arrived yet.


LAURA: Bonus.

TALIESIN: Sort of perfect then.

MARISHA: You really do have a beautiful glow about you.

LAURA: (laughing)

MARISHA: Very bright.

LAURA: Pike?

TALIESIN: Pike, if you would.

ASHLEY: Sure, should we have someone go get Vesper, or do you want her to sleep?

LAURA: Let her sleep.

ASHLEY: Okay, let me just take out my officiate notes.

TRAVIS: There's no traces of Briarwood anything, right? Not fingers, or jewels, or jewelry, or like--

ASHLEY: I don't know, it was his.

SAM: (laughing)

TALIESIN: Oh my god.


ASHLEY: Does that work?


TALIESIN: That's amazing.


SAM: I'm going to use a Major Image to make a chuppah over them.

LAURA: Oh, thank you.

MARISHA: And I'll use Druidcraft to make a bouquet.

LAURA: Of snow drops.

MARISHA: Of snow drops, and hand it to her.


TRAVIS: Yeah? Oh shit-- fuck-- um-- and I in my giant, enlarged form smash the stones and I grab what look like a bunch of pebbles and I start-- throwing them.

TALIESIN: How appropriate.

MATT: (pebbles skittering)

MARISHA: And I stand behind Percy.

LAURA: Tary?

SAM: Hello, yes-- (laughing) I was just waiting for my cue.

LAURA: Just get the fuck up there.

SAM: Yes, ma'am.

ASHLEY: Okay, are you guys ready?

LAURA: Yes, Scanlan, walk me down the--

SAM: Oh yes, I'm supposed to walk you down the aisle, here come with me, so we go to the edge of the cliff and I don't know where the ceremony is. The ceremony's happening on the edge of the cliff, so we'll go in a bit.

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah.

SAM: And I will transform into a triceratops.


LAURA: Interesting choice.

SAM: And you can get on my back.

LAURA: O-kay. I should have known this--

SAM: And I will roar a mighty roar-- and I'll-- (heavy footfalls) walk her down the isle with a little flare.

TRAVIS: A Briarwood callback.

TALIESIN: You don't have to, to-- I can-- No, you're perfect the-- Some civility, I suppose.

LAURA: I get there and climb off of Scanlan.

SAM: (roaring)

LAURA: Thank you, thank you. So glad I asked you to do that.

ASHLEY: Okay. Hello everyone.


One and all, welcome to this most blessed union of two of my best friends in the whole wide world. Don't worry, Grog, you're my very, very bestest friend.


ASHLEY: I feel so lucky that I was chosen to marry these two most wonderful people. You have all traveled a great distance to join in this celebration, and a celebration it will be. Oh, well--

LAURA: (laughing)

ASHLEY: Okay. These two here are my family, a family we have all chosen. Lady Vex'ahlia, my sister, and Lord Percival Fredrickstein von Musel--


TRAVIS: Do it.

ASHLEY: Klossowski de Rolo the third.


TALIESIN: E for effort.

ASHLEY: My brother. My life is richer for having known you. And speaking of-- Well, we were supposed to do this tomorrow, so-- I was going to put an empty chair here for Vax, so that wherever you are, we have a seat here waiting for you. Vex, mother of bears and wayward souls, you are loyal, you love fiercely, and, above all, you are kind. Percy, you are dashing and you are loyal, and you love fiercely, and, although you wouldn't want anyone to know it, you are very, very kind. You are now embarking on a journey of love, a love train.


So spoil each other, make each other laugh, encourage each other, comfort each other, but most importantly, have lots and lots of sex.


And please, for Auntie Pike, have lots of babies. Well, now it's time for your vows. Who would like to go first?

LAURA: Roll for the--

TALIESIN: Roll for vows.

LIAM: Good tradition.



LAURA: All right. Does that mean I go first or you do?

TALIESIN: It means you pick.

LIAM: You pick, oh wow.

LAURA: You first, darling.

TALIESIN: When I met you, I was at the lowest place I had ever been. I was barely human. I had lost anything that mattered and I had sunk into a deep over-romantic shadow and then this new family came along, and you came along, and slowly, through time and experience, I learned from you that you can have a romanticized notation of the darkness within yourself, but that darkness must be cast by some light. And there's no sense not romanticizing that, as well. And that I could find myself in that, again. Every time I thought I would sink, I would see your face. Your face, the first time I truly lost control, and you told me to take off the mask. You have given me a future I had cheaply sold away. You have given me a family I thought forever lost and a future I was prepared to sacrifice for something so trivial, I just literally just watched you take it and it means nothing compared to this. I promise to walk into the future with you. I promise to build a family with you. And I promise to always be here for an adventure with you.

LAURA: Percival, darling, fuck (chuckles nervously)-- I don't know when it happened, when I fell. I sat down and tried to write vows and pinpoint the moment-- but was it when I first met you? Dressed in rags, starved? Was it-- Was it when I saw you overcome that darkness inside, standing tall and proud and unbroken? I thought for sure it was when you stood next to me and helped me face fears I hadn't spoken aloud and support me in a way that no one other than-- other than my brother had ever done. But honestly, even by that point, I-- I'd fallen. I think, it happened through all the little moments, that I didn't even notice. You sleeping on my shoulder in the Feywild. Or when I saw you bent over, laughing so hard, you spit chicken out of your mouth because Scanlan had an arrow in his neck. I think, I never expected anyone to mean as much to me as-- as Vax'ildan. To be as important to me, to feel like another half. There was a hole in my heart, and I truly believe the only reason I didn't perish from it is because you were holding my heart so tightly. I thank the gods I gave it to you. It is yours, forever and always. I love you, dear. I'm so glad we're together.

ASHLEY: Okay. Vex, do you promise to take this man and cherish him and love him in every way?

LAURA: I do.

ASHLEY: Percy, do you promise to take this woman and cherish her and love her in every way?


ASHLEY: Do you also promise to love and cherish Trinket, for all of his days?

TALIESIN: I'm aware that's part of the bargain.

ASHLEY: Vex, Percy, it's time. So by the power invested in me--

LAURA: Where-- [mumbling]-- the rings.

ASHLEY: Oh shit, sorry, I didn't get--

SAM: Oh don't curse.

ASHLEY: It's my first time.

LAURA: It's fine, Pike, it's fine.

ASHLEY: Rings.

LAURA: And you have both of the--

TALIESIN: Oh I have both of them, yes.

LAURA: Yes, okay.

SAM: Pike, before you do this, may I just offer one more word?

ASHLEY: Yes, of course.

SAM: I didn't buy you a gift because nothing is expensive enough for you. And I threw the one thing that you loved away in the acid pits, so-- So instead I wanted to give you, as a gift, just a wish. A wish that your brother would be able to speak to you for just a moment or two, on your wedding day.

LAURA: Is that possible?

SAM: I'll cast Wish.

MATT: Okay, how do you word your wish?

SAM: I wish that Vax'ildan can say a few words at his sister's wedding.

MATT: A cold breeze comes drifting over the cliff face. Passes by each of you and you glance in the direction of the cliff side and you see this dark silhouette towering, ten, 15, 20 feet. Billowing mane of black hair and feathers and a single white mask. From under the cloak, as it opens, you see a familiar set of black leather armor, feathered mantle, and black hair, as Vax'ildan, the eternal champion, companion to the Raven Queen, steps for the first time in over a year, briefly on this mortal plane.

LIAM: You said there's a mask affixed?

MATT: As he steps forward, you can see this blackened leather, raven type face. Elements of it remind you of Percival's mask but it's elegant and detailed.

LIAM: One other small detail, from the shoulder, rising up, looking like a cross between the cordyceps fungus and bone, spirals up out his shoulder and up his neck a bit. (as Vax) Scanlan Shorthalt, you are toying with the designs of the gods, still, I see, old friend.

SAM: What, I didn't have a present, so--

LIAM: She will allow it. And thank you. Hello.

LAURA: Can you come over here?

LIAM: He's very, very big, you said?

LAURA: No, she is.

MATT: The Raven Queen is big.

LIAM: She's with him?

LAURA: She's big, he's our size.

MATT: She is the image that allowed you to-- That's okay. So the Raven Queen's visage opened up the cloak and that's were Vax'ildan stepped out of.

LIAM: Thank you.

LAURA: His face comes off.


SAM: It's just a skull.

LAURA: Am I allowed to hug him? Am I--

LIAM: I am so glad for you. A child.

LAURA: Yeah, a little girl.

LIAM: Like our mother?

LAURA: Yes. Named for her. I miss you so much.

LIAM: I know. I am no longer worried for you. I know the de Rolo family is born anew. Congratulations on this, your first of many blessings, Percival.

TALIESIN: Thank you. Talk to her, idiot.

LIAM: Thank you.

LAURA: Don't be weird, talk normal, talk normal, talk normal.

LIAM: Don't worry about me. I am safe and taken care of. I am always with you.

LAURA: I know, I know.

LIAM: You will live. As long as all of your hearts are beating, I will live within them. And my love will never dim. How beautiful you look. I am so proud, of all of you.

LAURA: Turn around.

LIAM: Hail to the Tempest.

LAURA: Don't be weird, go hug her.

LIAM: Drifts over and wraps Keyleth. Hello, my love, my home. Zephrah blossoms under your boughs as I knew it would.

MARISHA: It's not the same without you.

LIAM: It will not be.

MARISHA: How am I supposed to get over you if you keep sending ravens to me?

LIAM: I am imperfect, as are the gods.

MARISHA: That was my poor attempt at humor. I'll never get over you.

LIAM: Nor I, but you will live and your life will touch thousands.

MARISHA: Thanks to you.

LIAM: Your children--

MARISHA: I'll watch over hers and her, for as long as I live. Speech.

LIAM: I pull her in, closer. I am far but not gone.

MARISHA: We know.

LIAM: Forgive me.

MARISHA: There's nothing to forgive. Nothing. We get to go on, because of you. It's not taken lightly.

LIAM: He begins to look around the entire group. Your grace, de Doink.


Thank you. Live. And then he scatters against the wind.

LAURA: No, before he goes. What about the boots?


MATT: And you watch the feathers scatter and you look back and the figure, the image of the Raven Queen is no more.

TALIESIN: Perfection, Scanlan, that was a--

LAURA: That was a--

TALIESIN: Perfection.

LAURA: Remarkable present.

SAM: I hope so, I think it was my last wish.

LAURA: Ever?

SAM: I think so.

MATT: What'd you roll?

SAM: 17.

MATT: It's your last wish.

LAURA: What do you mean?

SAM: It's okay, it's worth it. But it's worth it.


LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: Sorry to interrupt, Pike.

ASHLEY: That was the greatest of all interruptions. Well, Kiki. Come stand with me, okay? All right, well, now that we all got to be here. Now it's time. So I now pronounce you husband and wife. Now please kiss each other.

LAURA and TALIESIN: (messy kissing)

SAM: It's really gross.


SAM: A lot of clacking.


MARISHA: Keyleth Druidcrafts 1,000 fireflies to just explode outward.

SAM: I shoot off a bunch of lightning bolts out of my dick.


MATT: As all the friends watching, faces damp with tears, smiles wide with joy, eyes glistening with bits of moonlight come through the darkened sky, the laughter and the music begins, as an evening of unexpectedly sudden celebration comes to the wedding day one day early. And to celebrate the joining of Lord and Lady de Rolo of Whitestone.

SAM: Pike, look. I caught the bouquet.


TRAVIS: The fuck you did-- (slam)


That's mine!

MATT: Well, that's it for our adventure tonight. I've never done a wedding in-game, that's crazy.

TALIESIN: That was amazing.

LIAM: Yeah, it was amazing.

TALIESIN: I am blown away.

MATT: You guys, I love you so much.

SAM: It had everything that weddings should have, vampires, and drowning-- poison--

TALIESIN: Light bondage.

MATT: When this one-shot apparated through the Kickstarter, I was like, "I want there to be some-- another element of closure to this, what are some hanging threads in the campaign?" And I was like, "Fuck."

TALIESIN: Yeah, you just got to fuck up, be like fuckin' oh man. Fucked up Sylas, man, that's great. 'Bout goddamn time.

LIAM: Loose ends tied up. There's just a vat of like seven Delilahs some where, buried deep beneath the earth. Once we're done with those, we're in the clear.


MARISHA: Can we get the deposit back on the venue?


TRAVIS: Kiki, let it go.

MATT: Unfortunately--

TALIESIN: It's not covered for acts of vampire.

LAURA: Yeah, we're going to have a really badass day tomorrow, though.


LAURA: That'll be like post-celebration.

MATT: All right, thank you guys, we love you.

LAURA: Love you so much.

SAM: That was so much fun.

MATT: Thank you guys so much for joining us. I hope you enjoyed it as much as we did. Well, have a wonderful night. We love you very much and-- Is it Thursday, yet?

LIAM: Not soon enough.

MATT: Good night.

TRAVIS: Oh, so good.

ASHLEY: That was so good!