Pre-Show[]
[cheering]
LENORE: (gasps) Ah. Oh, hello. Hi, hello. [cheering] I'm Momlan.
AUDIENCE MEMBER: Hi, Momlan! [cheering]
LENORE: What's your name? [indistinct shouting] Huh, I'll try to remember. I'll try to remember all of those. I think you know my kids. [laughter] A tiny green one. [laughter, cheering] And a yellow metal one? [laughter] And then, there's that wandering bard. [cheering] He's always been so horny, that boy. [laughter] I'll tell you a secret. He got that from me. [laughter] [cheering] But at least it made me finally a grandma! [cheering] Oh, oh, oh. There's a chair. (chuckles) (panting) Oh, that's better. Lately, I've had so much time on my hands. Those Thursday nights are so long. [laughter] So, I decided to take up knitting. [cheering] Yeah, I'm making something special for my boy, Braius. [cheering] You know Braius?
AUDIENCE: Yeah!
LENORE: Winter is coming. It's going to be a cold winter. And so, I made him something to keep his nether parts-- [laughter] -- warm. You think this will help? [laughter] [cheering] He didn't inherit that from me. [laughter] (chuckles) (sighs) Oh.
AUDIENCE MEMBER: Woo!
LENORE: Oh. [laughter] Oh. Wait! I'm not a knitter! [laughter] I'm a Critter! [cheering] [cheering continues] (chuckles) And it's Critmas! [cheering] And look, all my gifts are right here in front of me. [awwing]
AUDIENCE MEMBER: Love you!
AUDIENCE MEMBER: I love you!
LENORE: I love you, too! (smooches) So let's get this party started! [cheering] (giggles) Hit it, boys! ♪ (jazzy holiday music) ♪ [cheering]
AUDIENCE MEMBER: Yeah! [cheering]
LENORE: I've been your-- (pop) -- Momlan for so long. (chuckles) And now, I'm here to sing my song. And with you here, because you're so smart, let's dive into Daggerheart! [cheering] ♪ (jazzy chord) ♪ [cheering] We'll roll for some Hope and Fear and share in the Christmas cheer [cheering] because Critical Role... is here! ♪ (jazzy chord) ♪ [cheering] For the, yeah. Now let's welcome them to the cast. Are you ready? [cheering] I think the first one coming is-- Travis Willingham! ♪ ("It's Critmas" playing) ♪ [cheering] (giggles) Mwah. Next, we have-- Liam O'Brien. ♪ ("It's Critmas" continues) ♪ [cheering] (gasps) I think I see Taliesin Jaffe! [cheering] Mwah! She's in the house. Ashley Johnson. [cheering] Mwah. (giggles) Ooh. It's Laura Bailey. [cheering] Oh, I love you, too. Marisha Ray's here! [cheering] Oh, Ashley Johnson. (laughs) I blew it. (chuckles) I blew it. No, I didn't.
MARISHA: You didn't.
LENORE: Okay, good. I was worried. (laughs) And the center of our universe. [laughter] It's Matthew Mercer. [cheering] Everyone's here. Everyone's here. We're ready to get started.
AUDIENCE MEMBER: Sam?
LENORE: What? What? What, we're missing one? What do you think, I'd forget my own son? [laughter] I was just saving the best for last. Please welcome the best boy in the whole world, Sam Riegel. [cheering] Come out and give your mom a hug. Mwah. I love you, too.
SAM: Take care, mwah.
LENORE: And now, we're ready to start the show. [cheering] Are you ready? Let's do it.
TALIESIN: (clears throat) [cheering]
LENORE: Bye. Bye bye. Bye bye. Bye bye.
MATT: She's got it. [laughter] Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight's-- [cheering]
ASHLEY: Oh my god.
MATT: Welcome to tonight's special Critmas Critical Role one-shot.
LAURA: Woo!
LIAM: Oh!
ASHLEY: Oh! [cheering]
MATT: Where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Daggerheart.
SAM and ASHLEY: Oh!
TRAVIS: Daggerheart!
SAM: That's new.
ASHLEY: We play Dagger der der der!
MATT: (laughs) [laughter]
MATT: Thank you all so much for joining us. This is so much fun. It's, as you probably heard when my mic was on backstage, it's going to be pretty weird. [laughter]
MATT: (laughs) We have some wonderful suggestions from our VIP crew that have radically made it weirder. I'm excited to try and incorporate some of that. But before we jump into our wonderful game tonight, we do have some announcements to get through. Beginning with our live show sponsor, Saily. Sam?
SAM: It is Saily, Matt. I don't have a wireless mic, but someone will bring that out to me any second. Our live show sponsor is Saily.
TRAVIS: Right here.
SAM: Matt, when you think of the holidays, what comes to mind?
MATT: Mm, like cozy fires, cocoa, hanging with family-
SAM: Incorrect. The holidays mean one thing only: reliable internet. That's why this season you need Saily, a new eSIM service app that works worldwide. If you've ever been lost abroad or needed to surf the web with no wifi, you know how great local SIM cards can be. Well, an eSIM provides an internet connection without the hassle of a physical card, plus, it saves money on roaming fees. Are you feeling holly jolly yet?
MATT: Not particularly.
SAM: Well, boy, we really got an eGrinch over here. I know what'll help you--
MATT: Oh, come on.
SAM: -- get into the eSIM spirit, a Christmas carol all about Saily!
MATT: Oh no. (laughs)
SAM: And to help, I'll need Saily himself, the mascot you know and love.
LIAM: Simy simy sail!
MATT: Oh no.
LAURA: No!
SAM: Oh, Saily--
MATT: I hate this.
SAM: -- you lovable scamp. Okay, so is this on? No, of course not. Nothing's on. [laughter]
SAM: Check, check.
ASHLEY: There it is.
MARISHA: There you are.
MATT: There we go.
SAM: Now, we're going to need all of you to sing along. So when we point to this side of the audience from this aisle over, we're going to need you to sing this with me. ♪ Simy simy sail, ♪ eSIM SIM sail ♪ Ready? One, two, three, four.
SAM and AUDIENCE: ♪ Simy simy sail, eSIM SIM sail ♪ It really rolls off the tongue. Now, over here from that aisle over, when Saily points to you, you're going to sing the same thing. ♪ Simy simy sail, ♪ eSIM SIM sail ♪ Ready?
LIAM and AUDIENCE: ♪ Simy simy sail, eSIM SIM sail ♪
SAM: Perfect, and for all of you in the middle, you're going to sing something oh so slightly different. You're going to sing-- ♪ Simy sail, simy ♪ sail, eSIM sail ♪ [laughter]
LAURA: Oh god.
SAM: Ready? One, two, three, four.
SAM, LIAM, and AUDIENCE: ♪ Simy sail, simy sail, eSIM sail ♪
SAM: Oh, it's so great. Okay, and I think we're ready. So Maestro, just hit the song, will you? ♪ ("Deck the Halls") ♪ Here we go. (exclaims) Oh boy. ♪ Deck your phone ♪ with fast connection ♪
CAST and AUDIENCE: ♪ Simy simy sail, eSIM SIM sail ♪
SAM: ♪ 160 countries in every direction ♪
CAST and AUDIENCE: ♪ Simy simy sail, eSIM SIM sail ♪
SAM: ♪ Works on Android and on iPhone ♪
CAST and AUDIENCE: ♪ Simy simy sail, eSIM SIM sail ♪
SAM: Everybody now. ♪ Global plans in ♪ any time zone ♪
CAST and AUDIENCE: ♪ Simy simy sail, eSIM SIM sail ♪
SAM: One more time!
CAST and AUDIENCE: ♪ Simy simy sail, eSIM SIM sail ♪
SAM: Wow, we did it! [cheering] We did it! Thanks, Saily. And Matt, are you finally in the Christmas spirit?
MATT: Absolutely not.
SAM: Well, I tried. Get exclusive 15% discount on Saily eSIM data plans by using criticalrole at checkout. Download the Saily app or visit saily.com/criticalrole to take advantage of this offer now. Simy, simy, sail to you, Matt.
MATT: Oh boy. [cheering]
MATT: Thank you, Sam. Now next up, our other wonderful sponsor for this live show is Ravensburger, creator of amazing games. [cheering] Some of you may have heard about them. First up, for this holiday season, Ravensburger has perfect gifts for the tabletop gamer in your life. First up, we have the "Chronicles of Light: Darkness Falls - Disney Edition."
TRAVIS: Ooh!
ASHLEY: Ooh!
MATT: Team up as Disney and Pixar heroines like Moana and Belle in radiant crystal form, which is a thing. Work together to fend off infamous villains, complete daring quests, and save the Realm of Light before darkness falls. (growls) It looks cool. I'm actually probably going to play this at home.
TRAVIS: I need it!
MATT: Also, for horror fans, a bit of a swing on this one. [laughter] There is the awesome, "Horrified: World of Monsters" that lets you battle legendary creatures like the Sphinx, Yeti, and even Cthulhu-lulu. You can solve unique puzzles, protect citizens, and face multi-phased challenges in this arcane punk adventure of delightfulness. Mlehm. (laughter) [laughter] But also, don't forget, there is "Horrified: Krampus Edition" to keep it in theme of this wonderful holiday. It is the perfect festive twist to this title. The expansion pits you against the demons of the season in a battle for holiday survival. You can gather your party and give the gift of games with Ravensburger by visiting rav.wiki/horrifiedwom. I'm sure you all got that in one go.
SAM: (laughs) [laughter]
MATT: And rav.wiki/col. That one's a little easier to recall. But thank you Ravensburger for sponsoring this live show.
TRAVIS: (whistling) Woo! [cheering]
MATT: Helping make this happen. Of course, tonight we are showcasing the rules for Daggerheart, the very final rules that are coming out in the near future.
TRAVIS: Wow wow!
LAURA: (barks) [cheering]
MATT: Yesterday, we got to reveal the final covers for both the standard and the limited editions of the game. Super excited about that. I cannot express how excited we are for this game to finally become a reality after years of hard work. So-- [cheering]
MARISHA: (laughs) Look at that.
MATT: There it is. There it is! Look at that beautiful thing.
MARISHA: Look at it!
ASHLEY: Look at it!
LAURA: Eyy no way.
MATT: Gorgeous game! LIAM: It's so pretty.
MATT: I love it. But yeah, so if you have the inkling to try it out yourself, you can pre-order now at daggerheart.com. Sam, no, actually Marisha, you got announcement as-
MARISHA: Yeah, I'm taking it over for Sam. You guys, this week we also released Critical Role presents colon-- Winter's Crest!
LAURA: Woo!
MARISHA: Which is a full, I know-- [cheering]
MARISHA: Give it up for Winter's Crest. It is a full, 11-track holiday album that you can stream or purchase digitally right now on any major platform. You can hear it. That's Taliesin's lovely voice. (clapping) [cheering]
MARISHA: Isn't that great?
TALIESIN: I'm as shocked as anyone.
MARISHA: It's so good. (laughter)
MARISHA: Plus! You can pre-order vinyl editions of the album including a deluxe edition signed by all of us with exclusive extras like vinyl sticker packs, a postcard, and a pack of festive Polaroid-style photos. You can pre-order now.
LAURA: We had fun.
MARISHA: It's so fun.
SAM: It is.
MARISHA: We wore ugly sweaters. It's great. Pre-order now at the new home for Critical Role music, scanlanshorthaltmusic.com.
TRAVIS: Oh yeah!
ASHLEY: Oh! Wow!
SAM: Every time you go to that website, I get 10 cents. (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: It is absurd this album exists.
MARISHA: And it's so good.
MATT: I can't believe it happened.
SAM: It's amazing.
LIAM: It's good?
ASHLEY: It's Cwitmas.
TRAVIS: It was a lot of fun.
SAM: ♪ It's Critmas ♪
MATT: Well, that concludes our announcements, thankfully. We can actually get to the game.
LAURA: ♪ Ha, la, la, la ♪
ASHLEY: ♪ La, la, la ♪
MATT: (laughs) Enough!
LAURA: Sorry. (laughter)
SAM: ♪ Simy, simy, sail ♪
MATT: I will destroy you before the game starts. But no, as it is Daggerheart, everyone begins the game with two Hope. Make sure you mark that on your sheet if you haven't already. I, as the GM, I'm going to be starting the campaign with one Hope per-- One Fear per player. So, I get to start with a nice seven--
LAURA: What?
MATT: -- Fear at my disposal.
SAM: Is that how that works?
MATT: Oh yeah, that's how it works. So it'll be fine. What could possibly go wrong?
MARISHA: I don't like it.
MATT: But I think with that prep--
ASHLEY: Oh my god.
MATT: -- out of the way, let's go ahead and jump into tonight's episode of Critical Role. [cheering] ♪ (bright holiday music) ♪
Part I[]
MATT: All right. The holidays have come. A time of reflection on the year past and hope for the year to come forward. A time that gathers friends and family, a reminder of the communities we cherish. During the latter half of the 1980s, within the sleepy Midwest town of Springvale Springs-- [laughter] -- the holidays have also meant chaotic shopping, slushy road conditions, and small town drama. But this night, the eve before Christmas itself, a gentle snowfall blankets the river-wound little town as the afternoon sun glows gently behind the darkened clouds. This afternoon before the eve of Christmas carries a unique tension alongside the joyful excitement and anticipation, as neighbors play pleasantries while silently judging each other's decorations. [laughter] Businesses prepare to close for the evening while parents dash around for last minute presents, and then the hush begins to fall across the water tower, the playground, the arcade, the mall. Christmas Eve is nearly here. But it is here, in this suburban cul-de-sac, within a modestly decorated home, this very, very nice abode that belongs to Mayor Cameron Blake and his newly-wedded bride, Iris Ginsburg-Blake. [laughter] A central abode which is a beacon of hope for Springvale Springs. It is here that they've invited a small gathering of friends to this. As soft, incandescent light colored strings reflect across the snow, the first group begins to arrive to the door. But here within the house itself, gentle music plays, the rooms of antique furniture that is rarely ever used or sat upon all arranged perfectly to present an air of affluence and importance. After all, it is the mayor. We have Bethany walking in to check in on her father. Laura, if you wouldn't mind describing Bethany for me.
LAURA: Oh. [cheering] Thank you. I think everybody knows about Bethany. She's homecoming queen, prom queen, straight A student, president of the student council.
SAM: Most popular.
LAURA: Most popular, obviously most popular girl. [laughter] Perfectly placed hair, perfectly manicured nails. Everything is presented perfectly, just as her father wants.
MATT: And describe her father for me in his current setup.
LAURA: Cam Blake. He is 6'2", salt and pepper hair, a million dollar smile that he doesn't tell anyone he paid for. [laughter] This holiday, he is wearing a Christmas sweater. He always has a new one for every holiday party. A tie underneath it, and his slacks with his perfectly polished shoes.
MATT: As you walk in, you see him brushing some sort of a brief mess across the front of it. "Ah, my goodness. Bethany, Bethany, would you be a doll and get the hydrogen peroxide? It seems I've messed myself."
LAURA: (sighs) Of course, father.
MATT: "Thank you, dear. Could you please get your mother for me as well? I'd like to see her in the den."
LAURA: My mother's not here, Dad. [oohing]
MATT: "Bethany, please, please, could you just, for one night be civil, be respectful, be the wonderful daughter you are, and do not embarrass me."
LAURA: I'll get Iris. [laughter]
MATT: As he brushes himself off, the doorbell rings and he rushes off and darts. As we come around the corner into the kitchen, we see preparing a massive turkey that was probably delivered not too long ago, the foil being pulled off on one side, the smell of it beginning to permeate throughout the kitchen. You see Iris Ginsburg-Blake. If you wouldn't mind describing your mother for me.
SAM: Well-- (laughs) [laughter] It will be hard for this audience to picture her. [laughter] But she's so cute. She's 5'6", she's got dark brown hair. She is cooking up a storm, and she's always the center of attention. She's a busy body, and she's always got a big smile and telling a joke. Right next to her is me.
MATT: You are now walking into the kitchen as she looks over her shoulder. (Iris) "Ralph, if you'd be so kind as to help me place the rest of the table. I don't know how this works."
SAM: Okay. Happy to, Mom. I think, I mean, I'm so used to having matzo ball soup and lighting the hanukkiah, but-- [laughter] I guess this is how the goys do it. I mean-- [laughter] Do you baste first and then you cook it, or do you cook it first and then you baste it? Let's just baste it twice.
MATT: "That sounds fine to me. Look, for the both of us tonight, we'll just watch and learn as best we can, and if--"
LAURA: I come barging in the room.
MATT: "Hello, dear."
LAURA: My dad wants you. [laughter]
SAM: Oh! Hi, Bethany. [laughter]
SAM: Wow, that's a really great outfit you've got on, and did you change your hair? It looks so--
LAURA: Shut up, chode. [laughter] (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: "Thank you, fair daughter. I'll go see to your father," and she exits the room with a glance over her shoulder and huffs out of the kitchen, leaving the two of you alone amongst the undelivered spread.
SAM: So I didn't see a stocking for you. Aren't you going to hang a stocking?
LAURA: My mom always hung the stockings.
SAM: Well, we could start a new tradition tonight. I just really want to get this whole Christmas thing, and really, I'm sort of schvitzing over it a little bit.
LAURA: Yeah. [laughter]
LAURA: Maybe we could go into our parents' room and get some of your mom's skanky underwear and hang it from the fireplace instead.
MARISHA: (laughs)
SAM: I just think that they're really in love and I think we should support that. They're a family, and I guess we are, too, although not blood related, so technically-- [laughter]
SAM: -- anything could happen, legally. [laughter] [laughter continues] I better go. [laughter]
LAURA: You really should.
SAM: I'll hang a stocking for you. Do you hang them on the tree, or? I'm so new with it.
LAURA: Just get out!
SAM: Okay, okay!
MATT: As you dart out, you see in the central foyer of the household, your mother, Iris, and your new father, Mayor Cameron Blake. She's been washing off the front of his shirt. They're both locked into full deep kiss, as the doorbell rings again, and they both jostle awake. She brushes his shoulder and then darts off as he turns. (Cameron) "Ralph, would you be so kind as to greet our first guests for the evening?"
SAM: Sure, Mr. Blake. I mean, Dad.
MATT: "There it is. It won't take long, son." [laughter]
SAM: Happy to. Welcome to the Blake home. The Bader-Ginsburg-Blake home. [laughter]
SAM: I'm Ralph Bader-Ginsburg-Blake. No relation. (awkwardly groans)
MATT: "You're doing good, you're doing good. Now, ready? On three."
SAM: Okay.
MATT: "One, two, three." As they open the door, there are two kids there awaiting first as their parents are still getting their materials out of the car. Let's start over here. Trystan, if you wouldn't mind describing yourself.
LIAM: Yeah. I'm Trystan Beasley. I'm one of the older kids at school. I'm same age as Bethany, got a big head of curly hair. He's cute, he doesn't really realize it or understand it, and he's very confident and you're never really sure why. He's tall, he's gangly. [laughter] He has a way too long scarf on and a big smile. He's got his arm around his kid sister's massive puffy jacket. Hey, happy holidays! Sorry, the doorbell's not broken, is it? We knocked for a bit too.
ASHLEY: We knocked for like three minutes. [laughter]
MATT: "We were just trying to get through the household. Not a worry."
ASHLEY: I mean, we are a little early.
MATT: "That's fine. Gwennie, was it?"
ASHLEY: Yes. Gwennie.
MATT: "Gwennie. Thank you so much."
ASHLEY: Guinevere, Guinevere Beasley.
MATT: "Guinevere."
ASHLEY: You can call me Gwennie. Sorry, I'll let you talk.
MATT: "Of course. No worries." [laughter]
LIAM: You're doing great.
MATT: "Come on inside, and I'll greet your parents as they come around." Gwennie, if you wouldn't mind describing yourself for us.
ASHLEY: Yes, Gwennie is 13 and three quarters. [laughter] She's got pigtails. She's the kid sister of Trystan. She's got headgear. [laughter]
ASHLEY: And, you know, she's figuring it out. [laughter]
MATT: Love it. As I spill all over myself here. (laughter)
ASHLEY: I have that effect on people.
MATT: Yeah, you do. (laughter) [laughter]
SAM: Well, welcome to our home.
ASHLEY: Hey, Beasleys.
LIAM: Oh hey, Ralph. Hey, Bethany.
ASHLEY: Hey!
LAURA: What's up?
ASHLEY: Hey, Bethany! Hey, Ralph!
LAURA: Hey, Gwennie.
SAM: Hey! I've got a cool icebreaker. How about a joke?
ASHLEY: Love jokes.
LIAM: Roll it out.
SAM: What's Madonna's favorite sauce? (to the tune of "Holiday") ♪ Hollandaise ♪ [laughter]
ASHLEY: (exaggerated laugh)
SAM: (nervous laugh)
MATT: "(laughs)" Laughter comes barreling into the door as you watch both of the Blake parents stepping through with the Beasleys. There you see Walton Beasley, the father of these two teenagers step through himself as coif-puff blond hair with a wave to it. He has a scarf that almost matches that of his son's. He's got that little bit of the artistic goatee and these nice European leather gloves about him. He has that like, (posh) "My god, this place looks amazing, doesn't it? I'm just so glad you invited us over, Mayor. We've for a long time just dallied around in social circles, so it really is an honor, isn't it?" He turns over to his wife, Phaedra, who has long, dark brunette hair that has so many curls, it almost flows like a fairy as she walks in. She's like, (breathily) "Indeed. It's so nice to be amongst culture." [laughter]
ASHLEY: Are those panties on the fireplace? [laughter]
SAM: Bethany! Those are my mo--
MATT: You watch as Iris turns around and goes, "That's probably a mistake," and she darts off and you watch as Walton leans over to the mayor and goes, "You dog." (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: "I guess it's going to be a good Christmas Eve." [laughter]
LAURA: Swingers. They are so swingers.
MATT: (Cameron) "(laughs) Yes, of course."
LIAM: Okay, Dad. Save it for the house. (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: They step on into the rest of the chamber as the door closes behind. Out on the driveway, we do catch one, a bicycle that is riding up along the side. Who do we see riding that bicycle over here?
TALIESIN: Oh, that makes sense. [laughter] So I'm Dylan. You get a sense, I've got long, shaggy hair, definitely an army surplus jacket that may have never been washed, it's hard to tell. Jeans that are ripped up and are hanging on, it's cool. Has an air of just, no matter where he goes, somehow is loitering all the time. (laughter) [laughter] He's biking up, and he's got a small gift bag with him He's biking up, and he's got a small gift bag with him as he's biking up and just lets the bike drop and keeps walking. [laughter] Hey, Mr. Blake, Mayor, can I call you Cam?
MATT: As you're shouting, the door slams and you're not even paid attention. You're still out in the driveway.
LAURA: Was that Dylan?
LIAM: I think it was.
SAM: Yeah. Was he even invited?
LAURA: I mean, I think he knows about the party. I'm going to peek out the window.
ASHLEY: I probably invited him, I think. [laughter]
LAURA: You invited him to our--
ASHLEY: Well, I invited a couple people. [laughter]
ASHLEY: I know this is not my house. I just-- It's the holidays. [laughter]
SAM: You know what? That is in keeping in the spirit of mazel tov and of-- [laughter]
ASHLEY: It's the spirit of mazel tov.
SAM: Yeah, spreading the joy of the season and-- We should let him in.
LIAM: Thanks, Ralph.
LAURA: I open the door.
TALIESIN: Bethany, hi. Merry Christmas. For you. It's great.
LAURA: Merry Christmas. For me?
TALIESIN: Yeah, yeah. It's, you know.
LAURA: I look inside. What is it?
TALIESIN: It's a series of books that are tied up with a ribbon with a little-- Looks like little comic books maybe.
LAURA: (gasps)
TALIESIN: Yeah, I thought so.
MARISHA: (laughs) [laughter]
SAM: What'd you get?
LAURA: Dylan, you shouldn't have.
TALIESIN: I had to literally punch Tex to get those.
LAURA: Nothing, it's beer. Go away. [laughter]
TALIESIN: Lots of beer.
LAURA: I'm going to run to my room.
MATT: (laughs)
SAM: She's so mysterious. [laughter]
TALIESIN: It's great to see you all. Hi, Gwen. Thank you.
ASHLEY: Oh hey, how are you?
TALIESIN: Oh, you kidding? Look at this place, it's great. I'm going to walk over, sit down, put my feet up on whatever. [laughter]
ASHLEY: Take a seat, relax. Do you want anything to drink? [laughter]
SAM: Wait, I'm supposed to do that.
ASHLEY: Well, do it, Ralph!
LIAM: (laughs) [laughter]
LIAM: Dylan, man, did you bring presents for everybody, or?
TALIESIN: Oh, I didn't know who was going to be here, so I just decided no. [laughter]
TALIESIN: Ralph.
SAM: Hey. Hey.
TALIESIN: Hey.
SAM: (flinches) [laughter]
SAM: We're cool, right?
TALIESIN: What do you think? I mean, come on. Of course we're cool.
SAM: Yeah. Yeah, we're cool, right? Okay.
TALIESIN: Yeah.
ASHLEY: What's the matter? I feel like there's tension. [laughter]
ASHLEY: And I love some tension. [laughter]
SAM: No, no, everything's fine. I'm plotzing a little bit here and-- You know what? I'm going to go get us, there's passed hor d'oeuvres, so I'll be right back, okay?
ASHLEY: Wait, Ralph.
SAM: What?
ASHLEY: Do you have any like, a little bit of alcohol? [laughter]
SAM: I mean--
LIAM: Gwen, we just got here! [laughter]
ASHLEY: It's a-- Okay. Sorry, I'm just getting really excited.
SAM: My mom usually lets me take a couple sips of Manischewitz. [laughter]
SAM: I could get that for you.
LIAM: What's that?
SAM: It's really good. [laughter]
LIAM: Why don't you show me?
SAM: Oh, okay!
MATT: There's a heavy knock at the door suddenly.
SAM: Oh, I should get that. It's my house. [laughter]
SAM: Hello, welcome to the Blake residence. I'm Ralph. Hi. Hi.
MATT: Riley, if you wouldn't mind describing yourself. [cheering]
MARISHA: You see a disheveled teen girl, maybe 16, just turned 16. She's a little sweaty because she just grinded a sick curb on her skateboard. Did not dress up for this at all, and has this air about her at any given time that she doesn't want to be here or talking to you. Hey, oh, what was your name again?
SAM: Ralph Bader-Ginsburg-Blake.
MARISHA: Ralph, right. I've seen you around school.
SAM: Yeah, you're the new kid, right?
MARISHA: Yeah.
SAM: Wow. You're from Korea or something?
MARISHA: No, no, well, I'm from the United States, but-- Oh shit, my board!
ASHLEY: Your skateboard!
MARISHA: Shit! Wait, it's rolling down the street. Hang on! [laughter]
TALIESIN: No, don't, come back.
LIAM: It's a long driveway, it's steep.
TALIESIN: Are we about to learn an amazing lesson? Oh, no, she's good.
MARISHA: Sorry.
LAURA: I come back from upstairs--
MARISHA: It's cool. Sorry.
LAURA: -- where I was hiding my comic books.
MATT: (chuckles)
ASHLEY: Hey, this is Riley.
MARISHA: Ah!
ASHLEY: Hey, how are you?
MARISHA: God!
LIAM: You used to live in Berlin, right? Isn't that your deal?
SAM: Oh, that's what it was.
MARISHA: Yeah, my dad was stationed over there.
ASHLEY: She's fluent in German.
MARISHA: I'm not. [laughter]
MARISHA: I'm not. Yeah, I've traveled around, you know. He's actually a major in-- He's a nuclear engineer, so we're, he's babysitting the nuclear silo.
LIAM: So you're not fluent, but are you like semi-fluent? You know a little bit?
MARISHA: Yeah, I can say, fick dich. [laughter]
ASHLEY: Excellent.
LAURA: (laughs)
SAM: What's that mean?
MARISHA: Fuck you.
SAM: Oh. [laughter]
LIAM: He just asked what it means.
MARISHA: Yeah. [laughter]
TALIESIN: How did she get an invite? This is lame, man.
MATT: (Cameron) "Children, children."
MARISHA: Holy shit, this house.
TALIESIN: Right?
MARISHA: What the fuck?
ASHLEY: Right?
LAURA: Where is everyone coming from?
SAM: Dad just called--
MARISHA: Oh, hey, Rebecca?
LAURA: Bethany.
MARISHA: Becky? Oh, Bethany. Sup?
LAURA: Who inv-- You're more than welcome to join.
MARISHA: Are you rich?
LAURA: Yes. [laughter]
MARISHA: Cool.
LAURA: How did you hear about the party?
MARISHA: Oh, Lynn invited me.
ASHLEY: Gwen.
SAM: (laughs) [laughter]
TALIESIN: (laughs)
MARISHA: Oh.
ASHLEY: Gwen, but that's fine.
LAURA: Gwennie.
ASHLEY: You can call me whatever you want. I'll respond to it.
MARISHA: Okay.
ASHLEY: I told her--
MARISHA: Cool.
ASHLEY: -- because she's new to town, and I figured, you know, in the spirit of the holidays, we should all be nice to each other.
SAM: Yeah. We're all mishpacha here. [laughter]
ASHLEY: That's what I said!
MARISHA: Is that German? [laughter]
SAM: Sort of. That's a touchy subject. [laughter]
ASHLEY: Oh no. (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: At which point, Iris Blake is in the doorway entering into the foyer and is like, "Oh my, so many more arrivals. Are your parents coming as well?"
MARISHA: No. My dad, Mayor Hull, Major Hull, sorry, he's working the night shift at the silo.
MATT: Walton Beasley walks in and he goes, "Really, the more the merrier. (chuckles)"
ASHLEY: Dad.
SAM: Ugh.
MATT: "What?"
SAM: (laughs)
LAURA: That's gross.
TALIESIN: Yeah, no. [laughter]
ASHLEY: She's just coming for a little time.
MATT: "The children are being obnoxious, dear," and wanders back into the chamber.
LAURA: Trystan, your dad's weird. [laughter]
LIAM: Have you met me? [laughter]
SAM: Met you? I mean, your reputation precedes you. I saw you in a non-skating, non-musical version of "Starlight Express" and you were fantastic.
LIAM: Oh, you've been to Grundlebrush's Playhouse?
SAM: I have, yeah. [laughter]
LIAM: Yeah, I'm starting out there. You know, I'm first assistant dramaturgist slash janitor at the theater. I'm working my way up and, you know, I'm just in the background now.
SAM: ♪ Making my way ♪
LIAM: But they're doing "Richard III" in the coming season in January.
SAM: Whoa, and you're in it?
LIAM: I'm going to be.
MARISHA: Did you say you're turgid? (chuckles) [laughter]
LIAM: Not that time.
MATT: (Cameron) "Children, children, please. I'm glad you're all here," and you watch Mayor Cameron Blake walks in once more, adjusts his lapel. "It is indeed the Christmas season, and we're happy to host all of you who need a home this eve and a bit of community. So, our home is your home, open to all who want a place to stay to cherish and celebrate the holiday season." (doorbell sounds) "Who else is here?" He goes to go for the door and opens it up. What you see waiting across the way as the sun's setting in the distance, you see a man in his early 30s, greasy dark hair, you see a man in his early 30s, greasy dark hair, in an Elvis-like coif. [laughter]
MATT: He's wearing a white button-up gas station attendant shirt, but he has it open with a wide lapel a bit. He's like, (like Elvis) "Hey brother, how you doing?" [laughter]
MATT: The mayor goes, "(sighs) Pelvis, I wasn't--" [laughing] [cheering] [cheering continues]
MATT: "I wasn't aware you were invited into our abode." Pelvis, which the Blake children probably know, is the estranged younger brother of the mayor who hasn't really shown up much around the household, but seems to be kind of cool, if a little weird. He's carrying a large cardboard box, set on the side, he lifts up and things rattle around inside. He goes, (Pelvis) "Well, you know, I got nowhere else to go around here in town, and since it's the holiday season, figure I'd go ahead and bring a few gifts. I got some keepsakes--"
TRAVIS: (laughs)
MATT: "-- got some presents for some of the kids. I actually got some old family heirlooms here to pass on to them. So, I don't know. I think it'd be a good idea to get the family around." He looks past him, towards the kids, nodding for approval.
LAURA: Yeah.
SAM: Yeah.
LAURA: Can I take your box for you?
MATT: "Oh yeah. By all means"
LAURA: Uncle Pelvis. Thanks. [laughter]
TALIESIN: Hey, Pelvis! Wow.
MATT: "(chuckles) What's up, Dylan?"
TALIESIN: Hey, good to see you, too.
MATT: "I didn't realize it was a thing. (chuckles)"
ASHLEY: Hey, Pelvis!
MATT: "Hi, Gwennie, Gwennie. All right, looks like we got a good gathering here. I'm going to go ahead and get a beer." Cameron goes, "There are no beers here, unfortunately. This is a sober family affair. (chuckles)"
TALIESIN: What? [laughter]
TALIESIN: What? You could've mentioned that.
ASHLEY: I didn't know! [laughter]
MARISHA: Riley leans into Gwennie. Is his name Pelvis or Elvis? Or was it Elvis and people call him Pelvis, or is he Pelvis and he's trying to make Elvis happen?
ASHLEY: See, we don't know.
MARISHA: Okay. [laughter]
MARISHA: Just curious.
ASHLEY: Yeah. It's a good question, though.
MARISHA: Okay. Yeah.
MATT: As you all gather into the family den around the massive immaculately decorated by other people that were hired to do tree. A number of presents are scattered about. Conversation that bores you to tears continues to drag you through the early part of the evening. Eventually dinner begins to be served, and the night mostly seems to be the adults talking about business and politics and money and all the obnoxious little secrets they like to tell about the other neighbors around, but relegate you all to the kids' side of the table as you do so.
LAURA: I lean--
MATT: Eventually--
LAURA: Sorry, I lean forward to Dylan. There actually is alcohol in the basement.
TALIESIN: In the basement?
LAURA: Yeah.
TALIESIN: Can we get there without being seen?
ASHLEY: I know how to get down there without being seen.
SAM: How? [laughter]
ASHLEY: Sorry, I can read lips. [laughter]
SAM: How do you know that?
ASHLEY: I have been here so many times. Like, two. [laughter]
SAM: Everywhere--
MARISHA: Were you invited?
ASHLEY: Yeah.
LIAM: (laughs) [laughter]
MARISHA: Cool.
MATT: As some of the smaller gifts are presented after dinner, and eventually Pelvis pulls up the remains of the box. He goes, (Pelvis) "Now, I don't mean to take over here for a second, but while y'all have been doing your family thing, I've been looking into our family history a little bit. I found out that, I don't know if y'all remember, we had a sweet little grandmother on the Blake side of the family. Old Oma Sigrid, a few generations back who left a bunch of things that were floating in, what's that called? Repro-something."
LAURA: Oh, reprobate.
MATT: "Reprobate. That's the one."
LAURA: Yeah.
MATT: "Well, I figured it'd be a good thing for y'all to have. I kept a few things myself that seemed to have a little history to the family," and he pulls out an old, tattered mug and a fake pearl necklace that looks nice, but, you know, it also looks a bit tarnished. Sets it down. The one thing he pulls out that looks really cool, he goes, "Ah, now this here looks like a jewelry box, but I can't get it open for the life of me." He pulls out this rather large, strange-looking wooden box, about one foot by one foot, that is intricately carved. You can see where the four feet of it sit, they seem to curl up as hands that clutch the edge of each corner of the box. Amongst them along the side, it's these swirls that form holly leaves and berries and beautiful bits of vine that seem to creep up, carved into the wood itself. There's other details in there, but even at a glance you can't quite make out the specifics of it. It all seems to reach up to the handle at the top of the box. There's a massive, tarnished iron lock that sits over the front with an open keyhole on it.
LAURA: That is so cool.
ASHLEY: It's an ancient artifact.
LAURA: Can I touch it?
MATT: "By all means. I've been trying for a while."
ASHLEY: Pandora's box.
LAURA: Does it shake? Does it rattle?
LIAM: Is there a keyhole or a contraption?
MATT: There is a keyhole in it. However, it doesn't rattle when you shake it, but it is far heavier in your grasp than you expected it to be. You know what? Roll an instinct roll--
LAURA: Oh no.
MATT: -- for me if you don't mind. [cheering]
MARISHA: First roll, first roll.
SAM: First roll.
SAM and ASHLEY: First roll.
LAURA: Oh no, oh no, oh no. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Wait, I got to find my--
ASHLEY: First roll!
SAM: There's only two dice.
LAURA: I know. No--
TALIESIN: Pick a dice.
SAM: There's only two dice.
LAURA: I'm choosing the right ones, okay? [laughter] [cheering]
LAURA: Oh! Aw, okay. Well, I rolled a 20, but with Fear.
MATT: 20 with Fear. Okay, good to know. So, as you're clutching the box here for a second, you get this odd ominous sense as your hands touch it. You can almost feel the vines begin to move and shift. You can glance into the interior of the woodwork itself, the fine darkened texture of it seeming to almost move and writhe. This warm fuzzy feeling seems to fill you inside. It's almost joyful, like the onset of a sneeze that never goes away. Looking upon it, the hands themselves seem to almost clutch harder on the edges and you swear you could almost hear faint music in the back of your mind, sourcelessly. Then as you release it, (whoosh) you're back at the table for a second and set the box down. That was odd.
SAM: Are you okay?
LAURA: Yeah. This box is just weird.
SAM: Well, you were shaking for a second.
LIAM: You spaced out for a second. Yeah, is there fumes on it?
MATT: Mark a stress for me.
LAURA: Aw, come on!
LIAM: You look stressed.
MARISHA: Honestly, a lot of the varnish from back then was like really toxic.
LIAM: Yeah.
TALIESIN: Yeah. Don't lick that.
MARISHA: Is that leaded paint?
LAURA: How old is this box?
MATT: "I don't know, I tried to get it appraised. I'd say it's probably a few hundred years. It's of German make. That's where Oma Sigrid was from, it's our family background." You see Cameron be like, "Indeed, and we've made a better life for ourselves here in the US."
MARISHA: Hearing this, can Riley look over and poke at it, and can I use my ability, I Spent Time Overseas, to check it out? [laughter and cheering]
MARISHA: My experience?
MATT: Sure. Roll a knowledge roll and then add that bonus to it. You spend a Hope to do so.
MARISHA: Okay, I will do so. Spending a Hope. Okay, so that's going to add plus three because my know is zero, or sorry, plus two. Ew, icky. Okay, that's going to be a 12 with Fear.
SAM: Ugh.
MATT: 12 with Fear.
LAURA: Yikes.
MATT: I'll take a Fear for that.
ASHLEY: (grimaces)
MATT: So, as you stare into this box, there are definitely deeply set, it looks like letters, but they're not language that you understand necessarily. They're older runic carvings, things reminiscent of northern European make or even old Germanic maybe. But definitely seems to have a holiday theme to it, and elements. You can see where the holly and the vines-- It's just old. It's definitely old. But you, yourself even staring into it too deeply, feel the sweat beginning to pool on your brow and you take a| stress as well.
MARISHA: (shudders)
MATT: As this is happening, the rest of you find yourselves leaning in towards the box before Iris, who's halfway into opening a present and no one's paying attention, goes, (Iris) "Honey, they're not looking." (Cameron) "Don't worry." Cameron goes up, "Everyone, I think that's enough distraction now from my...brother. We'll take care of these things later." He picks up the box and takes some other things, puts in the back. "We'll finish up dinner here and go on with the rest of the evening. You kids can have fun in your room upstairs. The adults will have our own time in the parlor." He goes and he begins to take the box down into the basement. You hear him go (plodding footsteps) downstairs as Iris opens her present and goes, (Iris) "Oh my god, it's a blouse!" [laughter]
MATT: "It looks expensive." [laughter]
MATT: We shift on to later in the evening now as the parents are laughing off into the den and the rest of you have been relegated off into the children's side of the party. It's long past the sunset and the night stars are out.
MARISHA: Dylan.
TALIESIN: What?
MARISHA: I brought my slingshot. Do you want to go shoot some squirrels outside? [laughter]
TALIESIN: No, no. This--
MARISHA: Oh.
TALIESIN: I feel like this sucks, and I want to fix this. It is not time to be distracted. Squirrels are great. I came for beer. [laughter]
TALIESIN: I am so disappointed. I thought your family was rich enough to have beer.
LAURA: We do, we have a whole refrigerator of beer down in the basement. Come on. I lead the group down.
MATT: Okay. (door sticks) [cheering]
MATT: The door to the basement is locked.
LAURA: The door to the basement's locked.
ASHLEY: Well try to-- You don't have a key?
LAURA: Yes, of course I have a key.
TALIESIN: No. No.
LAURA: Where is the key? Can I look around the kitchen for the key?
MATT: Sure, if you want to. Make an instinct roll for me.
LAURA: Another one.
MATT: To try and glance around for where it may be hidden.
LIAM: I mean you can look, but this is what we have Dylan for.
TALIESIN: I was going to say, is there a phone in the kitchen?
MATT: Oh, there is indeed. It's a phone that's affixed to the wall there.
TALIESIN: I'm going to walk right by you while you do this and go straight to the phone.
LAURA: I rolled a nine with Hope.
MATT: Okay, well you gain a Hope. However you are staring around and moving the drawers and pushing through. There is all matter of strange objects, devices.
SAM: Oh, I forgot to tell you, my mom rearranged the drawers in here.
LAURA: Oh. [laughter]
SAM: She thought that this system was more organized than your mom had it.
LAURA: Did you see where your mom put the key to the basement?
SAM: No, I didn't. I didn't see, but I do think that this system is a little bit better. [laughter]
SAM: Why are you looking at me like that?
TALIESIN: That's a look of murder.
LAURA: Dylan. [laughter]
TALIESIN: This party needs more delinquency. Hold on. I'm calling for some beer.
LAURA: You're calling for beer? Wait, we have a whole fridge!
TALIESIN: (shushing)
LAURA: Can I try to pick the lock?
TALIESIN: I'm waiting, I'm letting the phone ring. I'm calling the guy I have.
MATT: Eventually, the other line picks up. Hey, Tanner, where are you and what do you look like as you answer your phone? [cheering]
TRAVIS: This is Tanner, standing inside of a phone booth in my family-owned dump. This is Tanner. Speak. (laughter) [laughter]
TALIESIN: Hey, Trash Boy. Party at the Blake's house. It's minimum two six packs. Are you in?
TRAVIS: Hey, Big D. First of all, it's not Trash Boy, it's just Trash. [laughter]
TRAVIS: Second of all, two six-packs? That's going to run you a fat 20 note. I need a Jefferson. [laughter]
TALIESIN: Can you wait 'til new year?
TRAVIS: New year?
TALIESIN: Yeah. I'm a little short right now.
TRAVIS: Yeah, all right. But the vig is steep. I'm going to tell you right now. Two six packs. I'll be there in two shakes of a lamb's tail. (action sound effect noises) (laughter) [laughter]
TALIESIN: What is wrong with that kid?
LAURA: Did you just invite Tanner Trash to the house?
TALIESIN: No, I invited beer and it comes with a side of Tanner. [laughter]
MATT: Doesn't take too long before eventually a soft knock at the window of the kitchen. What do they see standing outside the window, Tanner?
TRAVIS: They see a big fog spot on the window and then a dick being drawn in it. [laughter]
TRAVIS: With a bunch of spiky pubes and some spurt spurt spurt.
ASHLEY: (laughs)
TRAVIS: Then I see Ginsburg inside and I'm like: Hey, Ginsburg, open the door.
LIAM: Look, he drew a picture of your Uncle Groin.
TALIESIN: (laughs) [laughter]
SAM: I quickly go over and open the door. Tanner, what are you doing here?
TRAVIS: What do you mean? I'm on a delivery. Do you have my money or not, Ginsburg?
SAM: Me? I don't-- My money? Your? What?
LAURA: Hey, Tanner.
TRAVIS: Oh, hey, Tiffany.
LAURA: What's up? [laughter]
SAM: It's Bethany.
TRAVIS: Beth, yeah. Bethany. Yeah. How's it going? I-- Where's Dylan?
SAM: He's here. Dylan. Dylan!
TALIESIN: Oh, what? Oh. Oh my god, you got it.
TRAVIS: 'Sup, dude.
TALIESIN: Oh, I owe you so big, it has been so lame. Thank you.
ASHLEY: Oh hey, Tanner!
TRAVIS: What's up, Turd? [laughter]
ASHLEY: Did you come over for the holiday celebration?
TRAVIS: For the what?
ASHLEY: Well, we're all hanging out.
LIAM: Oh, hey. Hey, Tanner. Are you coming in or?
TRAVIS: Oh, what's up, Hamlet.
ASHLEY: Wait, did you bring us anything?
TRAVIS: Yeah, I brought two six packs. How many of you guys are there? You should crawl through the window. We split off from the adults, we're getting out of here.
TRAVIS: I usually go to the back door, but there's a bunch of parent sounds.
ASHLEY: Usually? You come here a lot? What, are you guys dating? [laughter]
LAURA: Listen.
SAM: Wait, wait, are you?
LAURA: No way. Like I would ever date Tanner.
SAM: Oh, so you're single. [laughter]
LAURA: Like, do you want to come in or what?
TRAVIS: I mean.
LIAM: Yeah, I think you should come in.
TRAVIS: Is the mayor inside?
SAM: Yeah.
TRAVIS: Yeah. Okay. I'll come in. [laughter]
MARISHA: It's Christmas Eve, you should probably go down the chimney. [cheering]
MATT: So Tanner, describe what they see as you come into the homestead. (laughter) [laughter]
TRAVIS: You see Tanner Codswallup. Also known as Tanner Trash. Or Trash for short. Tanner looks like he got held back about seven times. [laughter]
TRAVIS: He's a varsity football, wrestling, lacrosse, basketball, baseball, and swimming. Has a little peach fuzz on his lip and probably shouldn't be in school anymore. But also there's a skunky odor emanating from his hoodie. Anyway--
ASHLEY: What's that smell?
TRAVIS: That, that smell? What smell? Are you a narc? [laughter]
ASHLEY: No, I smell something, it kind of smells like a skunk.
TRAVIS: Don't worry about it, Turd.
LAURA: Yeah, it's the dump. You smell the dump.
TRAVIS: Yeah. Listen, one of those beers, by the way, is mine. It's got my name on it. Turd, why don't you grab me a brewski?
ASHLEY: I don't see your name anywhere. (laughter) [laughter]
TRAVIS: Do you see the one with the bottle cap on it? There you go. (beer opening, guzzling) [laughter]
MATT: It's about this time you notice at the edge of the doorway is Phaedra Beasley, the mother of both of you. In her lace little dress, arms crossed, looking upon this display.
LIAM: I immediately dive in front of Gwennie and fill the frame of the door so that mom can't see. Hey, Ma.
MATT: "Hi, children. Looks like you're having a little party here."
ASHLEY: We're just hanging out.
LAURA: Hi, Mrs. Beasley.
LIAM: Yeah, we're figuring out electives--
MATT: "Hi Bethany."
LIAM: -- for next year at school.
MATT: "You're not doing anything unsavory, are you?"
LIAM: No, of course not.
ASHLEY: What?
MARISHA: Want to join in? [laughter]
LAURA: No, Ms. Beasley. You can trust us, okay?
SAM: Ms. Beasley, you look fantastic tonight. And I have a joke that you might like. I'm going to use my experience called Class Clown to try to distract her with a joke.
MATT: Okay. (chuckles)
SAM: I'm going to say to her: What's Mr T's favorite month?
MATT: I don't--
SAM: April, fools! (chuckles) [laughter]
MATT: Definitely roll a presence roll. (laughter) [laughter]
SAM: Okay, that is, with my bonus, that is a 21.
MATT: With Hope?
SAM: With Fear.
MATT: With Fear. Okay. So mark off your Hope for using your experience, I'll take that Fear. She leans in close to you and goes, "I'm sorry, I don't get it, dear."
SAM: Oh yeah, Mr. T is this guy, he's on TV. He's really cool.
MATT: "I smell something." (sniffs)
ASHLEY: Mom!
MATT: She sniffs in the air. You start getting a little nervous.
SAM: I-I got--
LAURA: Is it that skunk smell?
MATT: "I believe that is it," and she looks over towards Tanner and walks forward to towards you.
ASHLEY: He ran over the skunk outside.
MATT: Her kind of fae dress flows as she beelines towards you, like Galadriel intensely towards Frodo, is like, [laughter] "Is that an illicit substance I smell on your person, Tanner?"
TRAVIS: How's it going, Ms. B? No, no, I just came from, from wrestling practice and I haven't bathed and my gooch smells. [laughter]
MATT: "You would be in very serious trouble if the man of this house learned that you had brought illicit substances into his home with his daughter. Perhaps you need to get rid of it quickly." [laughter]
TRAVIS: Whoa. Hamlet, your mom is fucking cool. [laughter]
TRAVIS: Uh, sure. Sure, Mrs. B. I just you know, the skunk I ran over outside, there was this little baggie next to it. I don't know.
ASHLEY: How did that get in there?
TRAVIS: I don't know. But make sure it's disposed of properly and, you know, don't put it in any brownies.
ASHLEY: Well, what even is that?
MATT: "Merry Christmas, children."
TALIESIN: Oregano. [laughter]
MATT: She exits the chamber.
TRAVIS: Dang.
MARISHA: Did she take your whole stash?
TRAVIS: (scoffs) No. [laughter]
ASHLEY: Ooh, that was close.
LIAM: Gwennie, you and I are probably going to have to sleep downstairs in the den in sleeping bags tonight.
ASHLEY: Okay.
LIAM: Mom and dad are going to--
ASHLEY: Oh yeah, they-- Yeah. I feel like whenever I smell that smell, they're usually up all night.
TRAVIS: Wait, wait, your parents party?
ASHLEY: Hello? Mrs. Beasley, our mother, is the sex education teacher. [laughter]
TRAVIS: That makes so much sense! [laughter]
TRAVIS: I just thought she was crazy wise!
LAURA: Wait, wait, wait. Were your parents hitting on our parents?
MARISHA: Oh, they're definitely into some swinger shit.
LIAM: I mean, they don't do that anymore.
MARISHA: Dude, it's written all over them.
SAM: Wait, what?
LIAM: I don't think.
MATT: You hear laughter from upstairs and the skunk smell gets stronger.
TRAVIS: Dang! [laughter]
TRAVIS: Her curriculum was so comprehensive.
SAM: That's so gross. That's so gross, but--
TALIESIN: We got to get out of here.
LIAM: We got to get out of here.
TALIESIN: Yeah, no.
SAM: That's gross, but is this that kind of a house where like people can? [groaning] [laughter]
SAM: Let's go.
TRAVIS: Hey, wait, Dylan. Dylan, I brought a Polaroid. Maybe we should just, you know, like, (door creaking, camera clicking)
MARISHA: What?
TRAVIS: What? I mean that would be offensive and gross. We should get out of here. [laughter]
MARISHA: Do you have the hots for their mom? (laughs) [laughter]
TRAVIS: Yeah.
MATT: Bethany. (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: Bethany, this conversation begins to dull into a (muffled murmuring), in the background as you look past the hallway that leaves the kitchen window area, and you see the light from the basement door that was previously locked, (creaking) open and spread against the hall.
LAURA: Hey, guys, maybe... Maybe we can get away from the noise downstairs.
ASHLEY: Basement time?
LAURA: It looks like it's unlocked.
SAM: How'd you do that?
LAURA: I don't know, maybe it was stuck or something.
SAM: Yeah, let's go.
LIAM: Bring the beer.
ASHLEY: Sweet!
SAM: And the oregano. [laughter]
MATT: You all quietly gather what materials you need from the kitchen and begin to quietly tiptoe down the basement stairs into the underneath of the household, where the laughter and conversation of the parental units amongst their separate holiday shenanigans gets more and more distant.
LIAM: Heh, oh boy. [laughter]
MATT: Here in the basement, you pass by the massive hot water heater, that itself is like (bonging) dinging every five or 10 minutes or so. The pipes themselves running about. You can see the massive piles of old rags and bundled up blankets and old toys from your childhood, both of your childhoods, placed on different shelves. You can see there's an old card table, maybe an ancient past in which your father used to host poker nights with his friends and it's gone to the wayside a bit and it's covered with a sheet. There on top of it you see the cardboard box that your Uncle Pelvis had brought here earlier.
LAURA: I go over to the box and I open it up. No, seriously you guys, this thing is weird.
TRAVIS: What's in the box?
LAURA: I don't know. [laughter]
TALIESIN: I could open it.
SAM: We can't open it.
TALIESIN: I could.
LAURA: It gave a weird feeling, though.
MARISHA: When I was looking at it earlier, that lettering on it-- I mean it kind of looks like German, but it's like old. It's not, I don't know. It's weird.
TALIESIN: Doesn't German just look like English except in the wrong order? [laughter]
MARISHA: No, they've got some weird squiggly letters and weird dots over some of them. It's a little weird.
TALIESIN: Yeah.
SAM: If you can open it, go for it.
TRAVIS: Oh, Dylan can open anything. We have him down to the dump and every time we get a car dropped off, he gets the trunk open, (snaps) like that.
TALIESIN: True story.
LIAM: Yeah, and worst case scenario, Bethany, we'll do what we did when we were so pissed about finals and we went down to the dump and threw televisions in the air and let them break.
LAURA: Yeah.
TALIESIN: Every Christmas, my dad lets me go through the lost and found box at the mall and pick whatever I want, or anything he, you know, confiscates through security.
SAM: That's so cool.
TALIESIN: He had a lock pick set about two years ago. I didn't bring it, because, you know, I was trying to respect the house. [laughter]
TRAVIS: Wow.
LAURA: How far is your house?
TALIESIN: It's on the other side of town. but I'll tell you, do you have like, I don't know, a hairpin or something? All right. I've got a thing called Pick and Pull, which gives me advantage on opening locks.
MATT: Indeed, you may roll.
LAURA: You want a beer?
TALIESIN: I'm going to spend a Hope for one of my experiences.
MATT: Yeah, what experience you adding?
TALIESIN: I'm going to MacGyver this.
TRAVIS and MATT: (laugh) [laughter]
MATT: All right, so roll a finesse roll for me and adding your, is it plus two for your experience?
TALIESIN: It's a plus two.
MATT: Plus a d6 for your advantage.
TALIESIN: Plus a d6 All right.
MATT: Let's go.
SAM: Come on.
TALIESIN: Don't suck. Ah, that doesn't suck. That's pretty good. 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 23, I think, with Hope.
SAM: Whoa!
MATT: 23 with Hope.
ASHLEY: Yay! [cheering and applause]
MATT: Take your Hope on that one.
TALIESIN: Yeah.
MATT: As you look at it for a second, fiddle with it. As your fingers are touching the outside of the box, you can feel that strange tingling sensation travel through your fingers into your hand. Hearing this distant music, it's odd. It's somebody had turned on the stereo system two houses down far too loud. But it's inviting. As you inspect the lock, and it is a large lock, whatever key this was built for was an old, thick iron key. But to that point, you find the tumblers not too difficult given your experience in opening all things you shouldn't. You all gather around quietly as you watch Dylan get close. Passing one, a second tumbler. With each push you almost swear you can see the hands on the side of the box beginning to relax.
ASHLEY: Oh my god, the hands are relaxing! [laughter]
SAM: Ah! You're right! How are you standing that close to us?
ASHLEY: I'm very close to Dylan just, (exhales) loud breathing.
TALIESIN: Your breath smells like bologna. Can you please back off?
ASHLEY: I just had a bologna sandwich.
TALIESIN: Oh god. (groans)
LIAM: Yeah, hold on, let me get it. There's little bit of it on your mouth guard.
ASHLEY: Sorry. [groaning]
TRAVIS: (sounds of disgust)
MATT: Then as you hit the final lock tumbler. (clicks) the box lid pops off, (thudding) onto the ground. As light begins to filter out from the inside of the box. The entirety of the basement ceiling is now alit, like a massive light is shining onto it from below. You all stand back as the air leaves the room. You feel this warmth is now emanating, like a bonfire has suddenly flashed in the middle of the chamber, like your eyebrows about to be burned off. But it's welcoming. You hear music, you hear laughter, you hear the voices of song.
MARISHA: Get back, it's radioactive! It's the commies!
ASHLEY: Eureka! [laughter]
MATT: As this happens, you watch as vines begin to curl out and wrap on the sides. Holly bushes seem to expand, bright red berries almost (popping), peering off the sides of the table. The table has become part of this side.
LAURA: I push Ralph behind me.
SAM: (gasps) Oy gevalt!
MATT: The lid that sits on the side is alight as a glowing blue orb seems to appear from the inside. With it, you watch as ribbons of light and colors seem to spill out and wrap around the actual load bearing pillars of the area and begin to wrap around all of you. This light seems to take almost a human shape, the tiniest of beautiful humans, this androgynous looking humanoid fairy-like entity, this semi-translucent blue spirit seems to unravel, yawning. (sighs)
LIAM: Commies are small.
MATT: Its arms go out. [laughter]
MATT: As it unleashes its hands the light gets brighter, the vines shoot out against all of you, wrapping around you.
ASHLEY: (yells)
MATT: You find yourselves tethered. and you feel that warmth beginning to grow from within you, like a fire's about to burn you from the inside. As it does, you suddenly start to shift and change.
SAM: Is this a Christmas thing?
MATT: (laughs) [laughter]
MATT: Some alien, ancient magic seems to take root within your actual physical selves and begin to turn you inside out. Let's begin here.
MARISHA: Take the young one. She's still a virgin!
ASHLEY: Whoa! how do you know? (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: Riley. (laughter) So each of--
ASHLEY: I have sex all the time!
MARISHA: No, you don't and everyone knows!
SAM: There's nothing wrong with being a virgin.
MATT: Each of you. (laughter) [laughter] Correct. Each of you have envelopes in front of you. Pull the one from Marisha to you. As Marisha, if you would describe how you transform.
ASHLEY: Ooh hoo!
TRAVIS: What?
MARISHA: Oh wait, that's not me. This is, shit. Wait?
MATT: Oh, Marisha, you already know yours.
MARISHA: Oh I know. But I-- Okay. Wait, I have a paper for this. I want to be refreshed. There we go. Okay.
TALIESIN: We're waiting.
MARISHA: You see Riley's cargo pants start to get shorter and shorter. First they're high waters and then they go up to the knees and then they keep going. As you see hooves start to elongate out from the bottom of her jeans.
ASHLEY: Riley?!
MARISHA: And her puffer jacket does the same thing as it gets shorter and shorter and her red bushy hair that's coming out from under her hat starts to spread and it gets bushier and bushier and turns almost into a mane as her arms start to elongate. Then she cracks her head a little bit as her nose starts to elongate and turns into a reindeer skull. From out from the back of her ball cap antlers start to grow and start to reach the ceiling as you see, and they almost start to catch some of the Christmas lights that manifest and start weaving in and out between her antlers. Then you see along her arms, almost Nordic-style art is starting to be sketched around her fur. [cheering]
ASHLEY: Whoa!
LIAM: (laughs)
MARISHA: Ah! (screaming)
MATT: At which point Tanner begins to feel this tether within him and begin to pull him into a strange new physical presence. Tanner, would you mind describing your transformation as the rest of you find his?
TRAVIS: (shouts) I scramble backwards in the basement and I find a trash can nearby and I grab the metal lid and I'm like: Whoa, what the fuck is? (ape-like grunting and hooting) And Tanner starts hitting the ground and as he's hitting the ground his forearms start growing. The muscle starts adding to his arms and fur starts to grow, his hoodie starts to split. But turns into these suspenders and all of a sudden his red bandana turns into a Santa hat. [cheering and applause]
TRAVIS: And Tanner turns into this fucking silverback banging cymbal toy monkey. (hoots) Oh, what the fuck is happening?
ASHLEY: Ah!
MATT: Gwennie, as you're screaming, your voice seems to shift.
ASHLEY: I'm going to leave the basement! [laughter]
MATT: As you turn to run, your legs seem to not be quite as sturdy as they were before.
ASHLEY: What's happening, what's happening?!
MATT: Indeed, Gwennie, what is happening? If you wouldn't mind describing what you become?
ASHLEY: Okay, as the transformation happens-- (laughter) [laughter] -- Gwennie's eyes turn into round black voids of terror. She starts to shrink, but fills out into three round balls-- (laughter) [laughter] -- of snow! (laughter) [laughter] Her headgear turns into this horrifying metal mouth. Arms poking out. What the fuck?! (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: As you watch Gwennie partially, actually melt in front of you and scream that, Dylan, if you wouldn't mind, as you look down at your hands and self.
TALIESIN: I start to feel something weird in my mouth, and there's these teeth, these tusks that are start growing out of my mouth. I look down and there's white hair that's starting to cover my hands, and then my cheeks start to pulse. My eyebrows pulse as my face changes and becomes this weird simian type and my hair gets really long and white everywhere as my chain wallet starts to wrap around me. (animal grunting)
TRAVIS: Dylan?
TALIESIN: (yelling)
TRAVIS: (yelling) (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: Sharing in the screaming, Trystan joins the fray as you--
LIAM: He's freaking out over his little sister who's turned into a lump, but his body starts to elongate. His arms get longer, his legs get longer. He stretches up till his shoulders are pressing into the ceiling. His clothes start to burst everywhere as tufts of fur spread out on his chest. The pants split open Hulk-style and horns grow up out of his head, straight up and out to the side, and his tongue elongates out till he turns into a ripped fucking Krampus. Oh my god!
ASHLEY: What?!
LIAM: Oh my god, look at my abs! [laughter]
SAM: He's a teen wolf!
LIAM: They're going to cast me as Richard III, motherfuckers! (ululating)
MATT: As his tongue lashes around in the space, the energy of the magic spreading into the chamber. Out of the corner of your eyes, you're so focused on yourself, you don't realize the massive icicles that are growing on the edges of the chamber and cutting up through the floor, the growth of the strange ivy and vines, and holly itself turning the basement around you into a veritable dark forest.
MATT: As Bethany, what do we see?
LAURA: I start running away and clutching at things, but as I do, I fall over and I realize my legs are slowly disappearing as my skirt gets longer and longer and I start shrinking more and more. My body turns into this bulbous sphere and my face starts cracking and turning into wood as I realize I turn into a tree topper. (laughter) [laughter]
LAURA: I don't even have hands! (wails)
TRAVIS: Tree topper.
LAURA: I try to flutter my stupid mesh wings and I take off from the ground just a little bit.
TRAVIS: Your eyes are so scary.
MARISHA: They are, what happened to your eyes?
TRAVIS: I don't like it!
LIAM: Bethany, you're a toy.
MATT: In the middle of all this chaos, poor Ralph Bader Ginsburg-Blake screaming.
SAM: I'm screaming: I just want to enjoy Christmas, I just want to enjoy Christmas, I just want to enjoy Christmas, (voice deepens) I just want Christmas! As I'm chanting, my acne, which, by the way, this is just makeup. [laughter] My acne starts to explode.
ASHLEY: Ew!
SAM: And green pus starts spewing out of all of my acne, all over my face until my entire face erupts and becomes green. I shift and grow and turn into a large Grinch. [laughter] I want Christmas for myself! [laughter] And I also kind of look like Gritty. [laughter] [cheering] Go Flyers!
MATT: (laughter) As the immediate panic subsides into near hyperventilation of you all looking across at each other. In the middle, the strange blue fairy-looking spirit stands there smiling amongst all of you.
MATT: "Ah, I'm free from the Yubeln box. Mein Liebe, frohe Feiertagen, mein children."
LIAM: Wait, you speak German, right?
MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, she said something "frittagan." [laughter]
SAM: What?
MATT: "Feiertagen!"
MARISHA: She said Merry Christmas.
MATT: "Frohe Feiertagen."
MARISHA: I'm pretty sure that means Merry Christmas.
MATT: "All must be cheerful, all must be in the spirit. You are all beautiful, and I will make everything just as beautiful. I must call my friends, the children must be judged."
ASHLEY: No, no!
MATT: Takes off, shattering outside of the barely visible basement window.
LAURA: Give me my hands back, you bitch! [laughter]
MATT: And scatters off into the night air as you watch the still-growing ivy curling out the window. The spirit vanished into the night.
ASHLEY: Trystan!
LIAM: Gwennie! You guys, they're going to sic the military on us. We got to get out of here.
MARISHA: You guys, my dad's going to kill me!
ASHLEY: I'm a fucking snow man! [laughter]
ASHLEY: How am I supposed to move?!
MARISHA: Wait a second, wait a second! Why are you the only one who got hotter, Trystan?
MARISHA: That's not fair!
ASHLEY: That's not fair!
LIAM: I'm kind of okay with it. [laughter]
LIAM: We got to come up with a plan. [laughter]
SAM: I think you still look pretty good, Bethany. [laughter]
LAURA: Shut. Up.
SAM: Okay, okay.
LIAM: Yeah, Ginsburg, that's real weird now, dude.
TRAVIS: We got to get out of here, we got to move. What if your parents see us?
SAM: What can we do?
TALIESIN: Is there a window in this basement?
LIAM: Or storm cellar doors?
MATT: There's the window the spirit shattered out of. The box still sits open on the central table, too.
LAURA: Wait, is there anything else in the box?
MATT: You look inside and it's a still, plain wooden interior with the tiniest chain affixed to it.
LAURA: A chain, like a broken chain?
MATT: A chain that may have held what was once in there.
LAURA: Oh, she was chained inside.
LIAM: Is there any chance that a gorilla, a Krampus, and a "True Detective" monster are going to fit through the window? [laughter]
MATT: Probably not.
LAURA: I'm going to flutter up the steps to the basement and peek out of the door.
MATT: As you head up the steps, which by the wall themselves now are overgrown and the door's partially pushed in from a tree, that is now rapidly growing out of the side of the wooden frame. You peer into the hallway and you can see now, first off, the temperature has dropped significantly and as you glance inside, there are sheer walls of ice, like the interior of your house has (snaps) snapped frozen.
LAURA: Good news, guys, I don't think our parents are going to kill us. Bad news, I think our parents are probably monsters just like us.
ASHLEY: Mom, Dad!
MARISHA: Aw, I don't want to go check, they're probably in the middle of boning. [laughter]
TRAVIS: What if they fused? (groaning) [laughter]
TALIESIN: No, no!
TRAVIS: I still got my Polaroid.
MARISHA: Actually, maybe we should go check.
TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SAM: We should go check.
ASHLEY: Yeah, that sounds crazier than staying.
MATT: You guys head up the stairs, and indeed the interior of this gorgeous mayor's household has become this nightmare wonderland with cracking ice that seems to pierce out of the nearby windows. You can see bits of green are growing out of wherever wood is exposed. The center of the kitchen island is pushed off to the side from what looks like an actual massive pine tree that's now pushing in real time, growing out of the floor and beginning to pierce the ceiling. You push past and head to the parents' den upstairs where you heard the laughter as well. The smell of weed is still strong from it as you peek through the doorway and the ice itself has pierced and coated the interior of this chamber. Most everything itself is locked in these massive glacier-type ice monoliths. There you can see, indeed, the Mayor Cameron Blake straddled by Phaedra Beasley, both-- (horrified yelling) [laughter]
MATT: Clothes on.
LIAM: (laughs)
MATT: It looks like the night was just beginning, but they are frozen in ice. Their eyes within the ice turn towards you, panicked. (yelling) [laughter]
SAM: Where's my mom, where's my mom?
MATT: You look on the other side, and Walton Beasley is in the process of giving a nice shoulder massage to your mother.
SAM: Mom!
MATT: They are both also frozen in ice. Her blouse is off the shoulders a little bit.
LAURA, SAM, and MARISHA: (yelling)
MATT: They're both looking panicked--
SAM: Dad got that for you!
MATT: -- and their eyes also (wet sliding) roll over towards you within their ice coffins.
LIAM: I see a blanket frozen in frost on the side. Can I break it off and try to cover my mom?
MATT: Sure, I'll allow it.
LIAM: Okay. (ice breaking)
SAM: We got to rescue them. If they stay like this for long, they could die or something. We got to get them out of here, we got to solve this!
TRAVIS: I immediately grab Ginsburg and everybody else and I start shoving them through the door but my hands keep clapping, so it's like clang, clang, clang, clang, clang. (laughter)
TRAVIS: Don't use your voices, they can see us. What if they know it's us?
LAURA: How would they know it's us?
TALIESIN: How would they know? What part of you?
TRAVIS: That's a good point, it's a good point.
ASHLEY: Wait, do you think we're having a contact high? I heard that's a thing.
MARISHA: It's a good question.
LAURA: There is a lot of smoke in the air. [laughter]
ASHLEY: A lot.
SAM: I did say, "Mom."
TALIESIN: Ol' Pelvis drugged us, that's what happened.
LIAM: We don't know what kind of swag was in that 200-year-old box.
MARISHA: Okay, okay, hang on.
TALIESIN: Are we on drugs?
MARISHA: She said-- the blue fairy, she must have been the spirit of Christmas or something. She said "Frohe Weihnachten," I think?
SAM: What does that mean?
MARISHA: Merry Christmas!
LIAM: Are you listening to yourself?
TALIESIN: Merry Christmas to you, too.
MARISHA: Then she said something about-- What did she say, Matt? You said it so fast--
MATT: I know.
MARISHA: I was so distracted.
MATT: She mentioned the Yubeln Box.
MARISHA: Yubeln?
MATT: Yubeln Box.
ALL: Yubeln Box.
SAM: Do we know what that is?
MATT: Which I'll say, because you know a little bit of German and the context of it, it means, "The Cheer Box."
MARISHA: The Cheer Box.
TRAVIS: Yeah.
LAURA: That's what she was in?
MATT: Yep, yep. And "Frohe Feiertagen" is "Happy holidays."
ASHLEY: Ooh, okay.
LAURA: What is it, what is it?
MATT: Happy holidays.
MARISHA: Okay, okay.
LIAM: Frohliche Weihnachten.
SAM: But that doesn't tell us how to fix it.
MARISHA: No.
ASHLEY: What am I supposed to do in the summer? [laughter]
TRAVIS: We need to chill.
SAM: We're going to solve this, we have a few months.
ASHLEY: I'm freaking out!
LAURA: Look, all we have to do is get the blue fairy back and put her back in the box. That should contain all of the Christmas scariness, right?
LIAM: Yeah, is there any fairy juice on the walls or trace? I don't know how fairies move. What the fuck is going on?
TRAVIS: She went out the window.
LAURA: She went out the window.
LIAM: Well, we got to hit the town then!
LAURA: Let's get outside and see where the trail goes, because probably wherever she flies, that's where the worst of this is going to be.
SAM: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
MARISHA: She said she was going to go find her children or something like that.
LAURA: Oh, that's right. What the fuck children is she talking about?
MARISHA: I don't know!
TRAVIS: I head down the stairs, but not like a human would, I use my hand and my feet run up on the wall and I'm like: (grunts) Bodacious. (big smashy steps) I start barreling downstairs. I'm going to head for the front door and try and find the basement window to see if I can find any trace of the blue fairy.
MATT: Certainly, all right, so you head to the basement window and look around. I mean she's definitely absconded. You very easily do see, though, as through the window, what was a well-manicured grass lawn, you can't see through because now it's completely overgrown into a dark forest just beyond the glass.
ASHLEY: Grab the box!
MARISHA: Okay, hang on, wait, let me take a look at this. May I use my Gifted Tracker ability to spend a Hope--
ASHLEY: Yes,
MARISHA: -- and then you have to tell me the answer to any number of questions.
LIAM: Is that a reindeer thing?
MATT: To any number of questions?
MARISHA: Yeah, it's one per Hope.
MATT: Oh yeah, that's right, yeah, let's do it.
MARISHA: So I'm going to spend one Hope to ask: which direction did she go?
TRAVIS: Ahh.
ASHLEY: (chuckles)
MATT: So you step outside of the front door of the household, to get a better look at the neighborhood and the path she was going, and indeed the entire household has a slow-growing, dark, German forest beginning to consume it from the outside. You see a path, a trail of where it would've moved through the neighborhood. These little streets and homesteads themselves are now being consumed as well by these massive trees. You watch as strings of lights begin to apparate, all these little lights begin to dully glow from beyond the needles.
ASHLEY: Oh no!
MATT: You can see shards of ice growing up around and what was once a dull, gray sky, was a gentle snow, begins to thicken, and the wind begins to pick up with more of a chill. You spend a Hope and you're asking where it went?
MARISHA: Yeah.
MATT: From where you sit, which would be to the right, the northeast of Creepy Miss Springs' house. You gather that it is likely traveling in the direction of-- Actually, roll a d6 for me to see where it was going.
MARISHA: Roll a d6, all right.
SAM: Man, I do not trust anything German. (laughter) [laughter]
MARISHA: Five.
MATT: Five, okay. All right, it is heading pretty far north actually. It's heading in the direction of the water tower.
MARISHA: Okay. You see under my reindeer skull, my eyes flicker a little bit and it's almost like a night vision that cues in Riley's head. And she knows the way. Guys, follow me. As she starts to clomp forward, she hits a patch of black ice and goes-- (stumbling) (laughter) [laughter]
LAURA: I love that song. (laughter) [laughter]
MARISHA: Oh wait! And then I turn around and I look for my skateboard that I left on the front porch.
MATT: Yeah, it's there waiting for you, but it looks a little different.
MARISHA: It's a sled. Okay.
LAURA: Wait, did we grab the box?
LIAM: Yes.
MATT: Who grabbed the box?
ASHLEY: Tanner grabbed the box when we went down there because I screamed it at him.
MATT: All right, so mark down that you have the Yubeln box.
TRAVIS: I got the box.
LIAM: You're pinching it between two giant cymbals? [laughter]
TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah. (laughter) [laughter]
TRAVIS: This is where lacrosse comes in handy, I just-- (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: Perfect.
LAURA: Oh, maybe we could shove it inside Gwen's snow. (laughter) [laughter]
TRAVIS: Oh shit!
ASHLEY: Go for it!
LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
TRAVIS: Ready? Take a big breath. (heavy impact)
MATT: It's like pushing into a doughy slush pile. (wet sucking) It doesn't hurt, it feels comfortable. If anything, it gives you a little more sturdiness.
ASHLEY: I don't feel anything!
LAURA: Great.
MATT: (laughs)
MARISHA: I put one hoof on my toboggan and I use the other hoof to start pushing and I start leading the way north.
MATT: Great, you all follow behind Riley, and as you do--
LAURA: I'm going to flutter up. My mesh wings are really shit at flying, so I'm going to flutter as hard as I can and land on top of one of Trystan's horns.
LIAM: As I pass a frozen car window, I'm like, "God, my pecs are so choice."
MATT: (laughs) [laughter]
LIAM: I got like a 12 pack. All right, let's go.
MATT: Okay. Following down Easterly Lane, up towards where the bridge crosses the river that winds through Springvale Springs, you can see the edges of the bridge itself are encased in shards of ice. The river below has become glacial, frozen, immovable ice in both directions. You can see a smaller vessel that was probably coming through, carrying materials down the river that's frozen and locked partially out of the water itself, its hanging lantern light glowing in the distance. You can see one car that was coming across the road itself is pushed up by the ice and is partially encased. You continue past the bridge towards the direction of the water tower, and there you can just barely make out over the tree line that surrounds the city, this pale, bluish glow that figure eights over the horizon, before vanishing into the trees around the base of the water tower.
SAM: Dylan, you know the water tower, right? Because you tagged it.
TALIESIN: I mean, I've tagged a lot of things.
SAM: I mean, it says "Dylan" right on the top of the-- [laughter] -- the water tower.
LIAM: In seven-foot letters.
TALIESIN: That could have been anybody. [laughter]
TALIESIN: I mean, we can head that way. Well, there's the old car cemetery right nearby. We can try and get some cover.
MARISHA: No, no. I saw that she went that way. She went towards the tower. We got to go to the tower.
TALIESIN: I'm not going first.
ASHLEY: I can't go in the water tower!
MARISHA: We don't want to go in the water tower.
LAURA: Trystan, go. You have, like, so many pecs. [laughter]
LIAM: All right. I'll do it.
LAURA: Ah, wait. Let me get off your horn first!
LIAM: (laughs) [laughter]
MATT: Okay. So are you all trekking towards the water tower?
SAM: Yeah.
MATT: Are you leading the charge?
LIAM: Yeah. I'll lead the way as the enforcer.
MATT: Okay.
LIAM: Tongue swinging side to side. It's like a foot-long Fruit Roll-Up.
MATT: Are you all bee-lining or are you going stealthily?
TALIESIN: I'm stealthing.
LAURA: Oh, should we stealth it? What does the blue light look like it's doing? Is it flying around or is it staying there?
MATT: The blue light you saw figure eight around the base of the water tower and then vanish into the tree line near the base of it. You're not certain where exactly it went.
TRAVIS: We got to go. We don't want to lose it.
LAURA: Yeah, we got to go.
TRAVIS: Yeah, we move quickly. Fuck stealth.
MATT: Okay, great.
LAURA: All right. All right.
SAM: As we're going, by the way, as we left the house, I grabbed a handful of candy canes from the dish and I've been eating them, nonstop.
MATT: (laughs)
SAM: I need more Christmas. Anything Chr-- (wet gobbling) Like a Muppet.
MATT: Perfect. I love it.
MARISHA: (laughs) [laughter]
MATT: None of it's actually being swallowed. It's breaking in the mouth and falling out?
SAM: Yep.
MATT: (laughs) Charging across the bridge and coming to the outside of the water tower, you can see there's the heavy tree line around it and the numerous abandoned cars that are scattered around the base. The chain link fence is pushed over in places. Elements undercut around it. But you can see the tree line is now growing. You can see these odd, almost briar-like growths out of it that instead of thorns, there's holly bushes popping out of it. The faint glow of little candles and elements of odd, almost like natural Christmas light strings apparating out of nothing, curling around the trees, giving it a hauntingly beautiful themed, like an amalgamation, an alien interpretation of a nightmare Christmas. As you get closer to it, you can see the lights themselves slowly wrapping up the outer poles of the massive water tower itself. No current sign of the spirit, but its presence is definitely changing the landscape. How do you want to approach this?
LIAM: Yeah. How do you want to do this? [laughter] I need direction, motivation. Am I going to use the box to capture the thing or do I grab her by the neck?
SAM: Yeah, yeah. This is "Death of a Salesman." [laughter] Okay?
MATT: (laughs)
LIAM: I'm Willy Loman. I can work with that.
SAM: Yeah.
LIAM: I'm tired of the road.
SAM: You're tired of the road and you want to-- I never saw "Death of a Salesman."
TALIESIN: You don't know what you're talking about?
LIAM: (laughs) [laughter]
SAM: Okay. No, no. This is that brand new show that just came out, "Les Misérables."
LIAM: Oh!
MARISHA: (laughs) [laughter]
SAM: And you're Jean Valjean and you stole a loaf of bread and Javert is after you. And I don't know where this is going, but I really like that show.
MARISHA: "Revolution" is so good.
SAM: It's good.
MATT: I'm going to spend a Fear here.
LAURA: Oh no. (laughs)
MATT: You watch as this blizzarding-- or not blizzarding yet, but the growing storm of snow and wind is picking up around you. Out of nowhere, (thundering) a bolt of lightning strikes from the clouds somewhere between the thicket of trees before you and you see a flash of flame and a bit of cinder apparate.
ASHLEY: Oh shit!
MARISHA: (laughs)
TRAVIS: No, it's okay. It's okay. I know what we're doing over here. I'll go check it out. I'll start to-- (thudding) Cymbals on the snow.
LIAM: (cymbals crashing)
TRAVIS: Going forward.
MATT: All right. Who's following Tanner?
TALIESIN: I'm right behind trying to like-- I just watched the new "American Ninja" film. It came out like three months ago.
MATT: All right. I'm going to spend another--
LAURA: I'm going to hand on Dylan's head.
TALIESIN: I'm trying to do--
MATT: I'm going to spend another Fear. As you land on Dylan's head and the rest of you are trying to keep up, the thicket (whooshing) grows between your troop and you lose entire sight of Tanner, Dylan, and Bethany as they vanish deeper into the space.
MARISHA: Oh my god.
MATT: There's a wall in front of you now of tangled vine and holly.
SAM: Bethany, no!
LIAM: I think they're dead. We should cut loose and run.
ASHLEY: I do too. Should we go back?
SAM: No, no, no. We have to be brave in the face of adversity.
TRAVIS: Yeah.
SAM: We have to get-- You're not there. (muttering) [laughter]
SAM: We have to cut through this forest.
MARISHA: Okay. How do we do that?
SAM: Well, we could brute force it. We could find our way. Oh, I know how.
LIAM: Oh boy.
SAM: I'm going to use my ability "I Saw That Episode." [laughter] I saw an episode of "Unsolved Mysteries"-- [laughter] -- where a group of kids was lost in the woods and they found their way out by following the sound of water. [laughter] (laughs) Let's see if that works.
MARISHA: I think that's normally the opposite of what you're supposed to do.
SAM: I'm pretty sure I saw that episode, so I'm going to listen for any sounds that might lead us out.
MARISHA: Okay.
MATT: So you're going to make a group roll with your side of the troop here. So I'm going to say for this, make an instinct roll. You're the leader of this.
SAM: Sure.
MATT: But before you make the roll, you're all contributing to this. So I'd like each of you also to make an instinct roll to contribute to the bonus of this final check.
ASHLEY: Okay.
MARISHA: Oh, oh, oh.
ASHLEY: Ugh.
MARISHA: No.
MATT: These are just reaction rolls, so you don't get any Hope.
LIAM: Seven with Fear.
MATT: Okay. So I don't get any Fear; it's a reaction roll, but that is one failure.
ASHLEY: Nine with Hope.
MATT: With Hope. I mean, you don't gain a Hope on this. It's just a reaction roll.
ASHLEY: That's right. You literally just said that.
MATT: But that's also another failure.
LIAM: Oh, we'll keep saying it. Don't worry.
MATT: I know. (laughter)
MARISHA: 16 with Hope. (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: Okay. No, it's good to say it. I'm just saying--
MARISHA: It is nice to say.
ASHLEY: I'm saying that I'm hopeful that this is going to work.
MATT: I get that. And I love that for you.
ASHLEY: Thank you. (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: All right, so that'd be minus two plus one. So overall it's a minus one to your final group check--
ASHLEY: What?
MATT: -- as you're navigating them through this space.
LIAM: (panting)
MATT: Go ahead and make your instinct roll minus one.
SAM: I made my instinct roll and it's two 10s. It's a critical--
MATT: Oh, there you go! [cheering] Great.
MARISHA: Yes.
SAM: I'm developing over here.
MATT: (laughs) Great. As a crit, you also gain a Hope and clear Stress if you have any.
LIAM: It's a Critmas miracle, Ralph. [cheering]
SAM: Oh, wow. It is. I can feel the spirit of Christmas flowing through me and it's pointing that way.
MATT: You can hear the faintest sound of trickling water.
SAM: I don't know from what, but we're going to follow it.
MATT: All right. As you guys are following that sound, we come back over to Tanner, Dylan, and Bethany. You guys haven't noticed yet that the rest of the troop hasn't kept up. But you begin to snake around the thickened trees. You can see now the branches almost seem to reach out slowly like hands. You push past them and you can see there's a number of abandoned cars, their tops caved in, their trunks open or torn away, their engines either already pulled for parts or themselves rusted over. Now within them you can see the intricate little bushes growing out. These relics of abandoned industry have been taken by the holiday spirit. You can see these tiny little red berries (popping) appearing all around it. You can also smell this scent of smoldering wood, almost. It's like something that had burned, the impact of the recent lightning strike.
LAURA: Oh god. I think I'm really flammable.
MARISHA: (laughs) [laughter]
TALIESIN: I mean, just-- I think as long as you're not touching the ground, you're probably okay. I don't know how lightning works.
LAURA: My hands light up. [laughter]
TALIESIN: Guide us. (laughter) [laughter] Guide us! [laughter]
MATT: Okay. Now I would like you to guide a navigation roll--
LAURA: Okay.
MATT: -- with your side of this troop now.
TRAVIS: Does that hurt?
LAURA: I can't feel anything. It's kind of warm. Weird.
MATT: If I could have Dylan and Tanner, both of you make instinct rolls for me.
LIAM: Man, that is going to make a love life really difficult.
MATT and LAURA: (laugh) [laughter]
SAM: I'm okay with it.
LIAM: (laughs) [laughter]
TRAVIS: 23 with Hope.
SAM: It's a festival of lights.
LIAM: (laughs) [laughter]
TALIESIN: 17, and it's none of your business if it was Hope.
MATT: Fair. All right, great. So you're get a plus two to your roll as you are leading this, but they helped you out.
LAURA: I'm rolling an instinct?
MATT: This is instinct, yes.
LAURA: God, why didn't I give myself better instinct? (chuckles nervously) Plus two. That would be 15 with Fear.
MATT: Okay. That's not bad. That's not bad. I do gain a Fear.
TRAVIS: Good job, Becky.
MATT: On that one. So you--
LAURA: You know my name, Trash. Okay?
MATT: Independently, both troops take wider routes separated, but do eventually guide themselves to the central point. At the base of the water tower, you begin to see where part of the thick brush begins to separate and where the heaviest cluster of abandoned cars sits on the right-hand or the eastern side of the water tower. The heavy tall chain-link fences, wrapped in razor wire at the top, are partially bent in as part of the growth is punctured through and overtaken. There in the middle you can see where the lightning struck. There is this glowing almost like a runic circle in the middle. The spirit sits there with its hands up and it's muttering to itself with a vast smile that gives off a bright, wonderful, warming glow. You see from within this crater a bit of a torch or flame. You watch as a figure emerges from this hole. You see a humanoid, a little bit bigger than Tanner's human size, a little smaller than what you are now, its body covered in clothing, old clothing, but it's tattered and dirty. Its arms, bundles of sticks. It looks like some massive scarecrow that seems to almost grow as its steps out of the center of this. But where its scarecrow head would be, it is currently split in two and where it was split, you can see the embers burning of where the lightning struck and divided it. On the inside, their both sides seem to move like two parts of a mouth shifting on its own and it (lumbering) emerges from within and spins over towards the spirit and the spirit says, "Willkommen." (wind whistling) And begins to fly off into the sky.
LAURA: No, no, no, no, no.
MARISHA: That means "Welcome."
MATT: (laughs) [laughter]
SAM: Thank you.
MATT: All right. Do you want to do anything before it tries to take off?
MARISHA: Oh, I shoot her with my-- the slingshot.
MATT: Go for it. Let's take a shot. [cheering]
MARISHA: Tee hee hee hee. Oh, bad.
TRAVIS: (laughs) [laughter]
MARISHA: What the heck? 11 with Hope?
SAM: Oh.
MATT: 11 with Hope unfortunately does not hit, but you do gain a Hope for the roll. As you fire, it goes wide and vanishes into the night. But the spirit turns around, (whooshing) takes notice of you all, and goes, "Ah, you've come as well. Please, work with Hans. Hans, embrace the children." The scarecrow (whooshing) turns around, its flames out of its split head emerging.
ASHLEY: Keep him away from me!
TALIESIN: No, no, no.
MATT: (growling)
LAURA: No, no, no, no, no.
MATT: And it begins to head towards you, lumbering. (rapid, heavy steps) It's going to take one heavy swing over towards you, Riley. It looked smaller at a distance. Now it's probably about 10 feet tall at the shoulder and its splintered head, the closer you get, it looks like what you expect to be burning cinders. You almost see teeth writhing on the inside of its split head. As it goes rushing towards you, It's going to attempt to take a Burning Maw attack against you. I'm going to spend a Fear to do that. That's going to be a 12. What's your evasion?
MARISHA: Miss.
MATT: Ooh.
MARISHA: So, question. My evasion is 15, but I get plus one against the creature than I've been tracking. Would this count?
MATT: No, because you were tracking the spirit.
MARISHA: Okay. Okay.
MATT: But still, that still is a miss. (whoof) It goes wide from there. Pulls back. I'm going to burn-- No, it does not have relentless. So that's the end of my go there.
MARISHA: Oh, it's hot. It's hot, hot. Hot, hot, hot.
LIAM: Can I rush forward to try and get it off her?
MATT: Yes, you can.
LIAM: Trystan had this satchel on his side with all his plays and notes in it, but it's a big huge sack now and he pulls out a massive swatch of birch branches that form a switch and I try to beat its ass.
MATT: Go for it.
LIAM: As I launch at it. [cheering]
LIAM: You've been naughty! [laughter]
LIAM: I critted.
SAM: Yeah! (cheering)
MATT: Whoa, you did! [cheering]
LIAM: For a 25.
MATT: That is that. All right, so you gain a Hope and clear Stress. That's a nice opening. Roll damage on that.
LIAM: Now, also as a Krampus, when you succeed on attack against a target within melee range, you can mark Stress to kick yourself off them, dealing an extra 2d6 damage.
MATT: Let's go. Roll that extra 2d6.
LIAM: So the switch is 2d8. Okay. Here it comes. Yeah, that's seven and that's one.
MATT: Well, you add that also too because you crit with it.
LIAM: Yeah.
MATT: It's your max damage plus that. So that'd be--
LIAM: Plus that. So 16 plus that.
MATT: Plus that. Yeah.
LIAM: 16. Okay. 17. 24 plus the kicking. 24 plus the plus threes, 27, plus kicks for a total of 33 points of damage. So I--
SAM: Damn. [cheering]
LIAM: -- run in and slap its scarecrow ass with the switch and spin it around and then start kicking up its body and I leap up into the air and crash down in front of my little sister. What the fuck do I do now? [laughter]
MATT: So that's a severe wound. So mark three hit points on that. It does get a reaction. Vengeful Spirit. As Hans Trapp, this strange entity, you come down and slam it in its face before you kick off its body. It reaches up and its extended claws, its wooden claws seem to rake out and grab your body for a second before you can kick entirely off of it. It pulls you in and the fire burns in your face, the cinders seeming to intensify.
LIAM: Blech.
MATT: You swear you can see where the twigs begin to withdraw and writhing flesh and teeth begin to take over from the inside of its split head and throat. As it tries to pull you in, you kick off in time but the flames still burn you for--
LIAM: It's okay. You'll use it for sense memory work.
MATT: -- 14 points of physical damage.
LIAM: Ooh, 14 points?
MATT: Correct.
LIAM: Ooh. Ooh.
SAM: Guys--
MATT: Do spend another Fear on that.
SAM: Does this enemy remind you of the mascot of our rivals, the Waterfall Falls Fighting Von Trapps?
TRAVIS: (laughs) [laughter]
TALIESIN: What?
MARISHA: Yeah. What? Because I was-- What did you say, DM?
MATT: So, Hans Trapp.
LAURA: Hans Trapp?
ASHLEY: Hans Trapp.
SAM: Not Von Trapp?
MATT: No.
LIAM: Hans Trapp. Rules point of order. That was major damage for me, so I'm going to use some of my curly chest and shoulder hair as armor and mark that off so I take one hit point of damage.
MATT: You got it.
LIAM: Okay.
ASHLEY: Can I, since Trystan is standing in front of me--
LIAM: (snarls)
ASHLEY: -- can I peek around, and I put my hand out and shoot out a Cinder Grasp?
MATT: Sure. Yeah, if you want to.
ASHLEY: Okay. All right.
MATT: So the partially burning scarecrow, you're going to rush up and try and finish the job?
ASHLEY: Yeah.
MATT: All right. Now is that a melee attack?
ASHLEY: That is "a spellcast roll... target within melee range."
MATT: All right, yeah.
ASHLEY: So I got to get up close.
MATT: So you have to get right up close to it to do it. So you dart around your brother Trystan and charge up--
ASHLEY: Brother!
MATT: -- towards the flaming angry scarecrow.
LIAM: Your tree branch hand is on fire!
MATT: (laughs) Roll an attack.
MARISHA: Is that--
ASHLEY: Okay. All right. All right, all right, all right.
SAM: Why can't you ever read dice? (laughter) [laughter]
SAM: We've traveled across the entire country. You're using new dice.
ASHLEY: I know! All right, that's 15 with Hope.
MATT: 15 with Hope is actually just perfectly enough.
ASHLEY: Yes!
MATT: So yeah. So you take a Hope and roll your damage on that.
ASHLEY: All right. Okay, so that is 1d20 plus three. My d20. Okay. Oh! Oh!
TRAVIS: (laughs) That's 22 points of damage.
MATT: Ooh! [cheering]
TALIESIN: Ooh!
MATT: That's going to be a major wound. So it takes two hit points from that.
ASHLEY: Why do I have a fire ability? (laughter) [laughter]
ASHLEY: This doesn't make any sense!
SAM: You're melting!
MATT: You watch as what was once the burning inside of its split head, now the flames begin to curl across its shoulders and other parts of its body. It's now half of a burning wicker man (groans) in the middle of this space as the spirit's drifting way up in the air, looking down, smiling and looking upon the chaos.
LAURA: Do you think this thing was a person like we were?
SAM: It doesn't matter, we got to end this thing. It's evil. Kill it!
ASHLEY: Kill it!
MATT: I'm going to spend a Fear immediately--
TALIESIN: Damn it.
LAURA: Oh no!
MATT: -- to have it jump in here and make a twig claw strike against you since you're right in its face and set it aflame. You hear this evil, angry gurgling inside it's fury. (snarls) It lunges towards you.
ASHLEY: Why is making that noise?
MATT: That's going to be a nine to hit you. What's your Evasion?
ASHLEY: It's 11.
MATT: Oh, he can't hit anything.
ASHLEY: And when a creature acts while on fire, they must take an extra 2d6.
MATT: Roll 2d6 damage.
ASHLEY: Okay.
MATT: It swings wide towards you, furious, but it's motion--
ASHLEY: Five.
MATT: Five damage. All right. That is just a minor wound to it, so it takes another hit point. It swings a heavy, angry, flaming arm towards you, but your lithe snowman body--
ASHLEY: I roll backwards.
TRAVIS: (laughs)
MATT: You just (scooch) out of the way.
TALIESIN: Very BB-8.
MATT: (heavy swing) Goes wide.
LIAM: I know Mom is frozen in coitus right now, but for some reason I think she'd be so proud of you. (laughter) [laughter]
SAM: All of this action is making me so verklempt and so nervous and my stomach is bubbling and I ate a lot of candy canes. So I come up close to it and I barf candy at it using my Elemental Breath ability, my Grinch drakonic ability. I'm going to try to hit it with a candy barf.
MATT: Let's go for it.
LIAM: Oh shit.
MATT: Roll for candy barf.
LIAM: Ralph's ralphing. (laughter) [laughter]
SAM: 12 with Hope.
MATT: 12 with Hope will not succeed. (groaning)
MATT: You gain a Hope, but unfortunately as you try and regurgitate up, it gets caught in your throat. You're not familiar with this much candy in the middle of your unfamiliar body and it gets caught, a couple pieces fly out. But the noise is loud enough that the entity turns towards you, Hans. (massive shifting) (roars) (thudding footfalls) And is going to charge up. Actually, no. From where it's standing it's going to make a Lob Ember attack since the flames are in there. So I'm going to mark a stress on him there. It reaches into its split head and pulls out some sort of strange, burning coal-like section of dark material--
ASHLEY: Ew!
MATT: -- and chucks it at you for... That's going to be a 10 to hit you. What's your Evasion?
SAM: My Evasion is 12.
MATT: Man, this guy can't roll for crap. (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: That's okay. I'll make it up later. So you just, (shift) dodge out of the way.
TALIESIN: So while all that is happening, I assume now they're in melee, they're at it. I'm assuming.
MATT: They're not. The only one who's in melee currently would be Gwennie.
TALIESIN: Okay, well that works. I'm going to get close to this thing. I normally have a weight in my wallet that I use to, you know, just in case you got to run and smack someone in the head real hard.
MATT: Yeah.
TALIESIN: I go for it, and my wallet is gone. It's just this weird ice ball weight. I start giving it a swing and I give it a lob. I don't know why. A blade of ice fires off of it.
MATT: Hell yeah. All right, so roll an attack.
TALIESIN: All right. That is-- Here we go. Finesse. That is eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 17 with Hope.
SAM: Whoa!
MATT: 17 with Hope. You gain a Hope, and that indeed hits. Roll damage.
TALIESIN: All right. So that's, there we are, 2d8 plus 2d6 because I've got that rogue class, so I get that little sneak attack.
MATT: Yeah, you do.
TALIESIN: That's-- Whoa! Okay.
SAM and LAURA: Whoa!
TALIESIN: That's a lot of damage.
LAURA: That's a good roll.
TALIESIN: Six, eight, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21--
SAM: We're all Gwennie now. Whoa!
LAURA and MARISHA: Whoa!
ASHLEY: Whoa!
TALIESIN: 26 points of damage. [cheering]
MATT: 26.
ASHLEY: Woo! [cheering]
MATT: That is a major wound, which takes down its final two hit points. How do you want do this? (cheering) [cheering]
TALIESIN: As the foot and a half long icicle that has just broken off my weird chained ice sphere hits it, it starts to branch out like a snowflake and slowly snuff out the fire piece by piece until it's brittle and cold.
MATT: It freezes up at that moment, the fire seems to subside and go out. Now it's another frozen sculpture amongst the frozen forest, the spirit floating above. I'm going to spend a Fear.
SAM: Oh! [gasping]
MATT: The Spirit of Holiday Cheer is going to take its turn and go--
LAURA: (gasps)
MATT: -- "Oh, Hans, but your time is not over."
SAM: (gasps) Then I'm going to spend another Fear on its Inspire Myth ability.
SAM: (gasps)
MATT: Hans Trapp--
TRAVIS: What?!
MATT: Suddenly the flame begins to burn anew from within, the ice begins to melt--
LAURA: No!
MATT: -- and it's recovered some of its hit points.
SAM: Oh!
TRAVIS: Oh shit.
MARISHA: No!
SAM: The Spirit of Christmas is so strong. [laughter] (laughter)
MATT: The spirit's just encouraging its brethren.
ASHLEY: Why are you doing this?
MATT: "Because it's the holidays." [laughter]
SAM: It's a good point.
MATT: Anybody want to go now? It's back to you.
MARISHA: Riley--
LAURA: Can I-- Oh sorry.
MARISHA: No, you go.
LAURA: No, you.
LIAM: (screams) Kill it!
LAURA: I was on top of Dylan's head when he did that final attack. So when I see it come back to life, I'm going to fly forward off of Dylan's head and take my two light hands and stab it into its face.
MATT: You got it, let's go, let's go.
LAURA: Okay. Oh no. That's a seven with Hope.
MATT: Okay--
LAURA: Wait, no, I add anything? No, I don't add anything to it. Do I?
MATT: I mean, whatever your weapon's...
LAURA: Okay, well that's 10 with Hope.
MATT: 10 With Hope unfortunately does not succeed. You gain a Hope but as you try and jam towards it, you actually feel like your hands get too hot, you try and strike towards the center of its chest and it turns and leans in, its mouth open, and the flames burning from--
LAURA: Ah! Just kidding! Just kidding!
MATT: -- inside of it inferno-like torso makes you pull away at the last minute before you ignite.
LAURA: I knew it. I am flammable.
MATT: It's now going to spin around and try and hit you back before you managed to escape its range there. It's going to make a Burning Maw strike against you.
LAURA: Ah!
MATT: I'm going to spend a Fear for that. That's cocked. There we go. That's a 20 to hit.
SAM: Whoa.
LIAM: (groans)
LAURA: That definitely hits.
MATT: I think that beats your Evasion. Okay. It's always fun to ask just in case, the DMs out here know.
MATT: (laughs) [laughter]
MATT: So it's going to strike you for 12 points of physical, sorry, 15 points of physical damage plus three.
LAURA: (groans) (grumbles angrily) Okay, that takes it up to major.
MATT: All right, do you want to spend an armor to reduce it or not?
LAURA: I am going to, yes.
MATT: Okay. So that reduces it to a minor wound. It does have an ability called Momentum, which when it hits a target with a successful attack within melee I gain a Fear, so I get a Fear back for that. But that finishes my go, who would like to take--
LAURA: Ooh, ooh! Nyah.
MATT: Wha?
LAURA: I'm going to get so mad and I'm going to use my Vengeance ability. I'm going to take a stress and I'm going to force that jerk to take a hit point, because I took a hit point.
MATT: Okay. [cheering]
MATT: (laughs) [laughter]
SAM: You should not make Bethany mad. When she's mad, things start to-- oh no!
LAURA: My hands start to flare up really, really, really bright.
SAM: She's having a tantrum!
LAURA: (shrieks)
MATT: As you flare up, the flames in its body seem to intensely burn and not from its own self and it withdraws a bit (gurgles). Catches itself. It looks very hurt now. Like you've singed it back and it's barely holding onto itself once more.
LAURA: Eat it, chode.
MATT: Tanner, you want to go?
SAM: I haven't seen you that mad since Dad said you couldn't have Colors by Benetton perfume. [laughter]
LAURA: I deserve Colors by Benetton. You know what I mean?
SAM: Tanner, would you like to go?
TRAVIS: Yeah, I'll run up on the sides with my two cymbals and I'll run up one of the sides of the trees, (strong steps) and leap and try and, bang!
MATT: (laughs) Hell yeah.
ASHLEY: Yes!
MATT: Let's go.
TRAVIS: That is 16 with Hope.
MATT: 16 with Hope. Great. Take that Hope, that is a successful attack. Roll damage.
TRAVIS: 2d12 from my cymbals, that's double sixes! (cheering) [cheering]
TRAVIS: Trash.
TRAVIS: (chuckles) Trash! For 22 points of damage.
MATT: Ooh. Ooh.
MARISHA: Oh!
MATT: Tanner, how do you want to do this? (cheering) [cheering]
TRAVIS: I run up and (hooting, slamming) and smash on either side and all the twigs and kindling go, (intense clatters)
MATT: All right, as it shatters and scatters across the ground, the spirit goes, "Oh goodness. Hans probably deserved that." [laughter]
MATT: "Rest for a moment," and she rubs her fingers and you see the twigs start to slowly move.
ASHLEY: Wait, whoa, whoa, wait, wait. What's your name?
MATT: "I must go see to my others."
ASHLEY: You should get back in the box.
MARISHA: No-- oh.
MATT: And begins to fly away. Anyone want to do anything as it's flying away?
LAURA: Can I try to fly after her?
MATT: Sure, sure. (delicate whoosh) It's really hard to keep up with the entity, make a strength check for me to see if you can maintain speed alongside this.
LAURA: Okay.
MATT: With your paltry tree topper wings.
LAURA: Listen, I'm used to pushing through. Can I use my experience, Just Deal With It, Bethany?
MATT: Yes, I'll allow that. (laughs) So spend a Hope and add that to it.
LAURA: Okay. Okay. That would be, and it's a strength?
MATT: Strength, yes.
LAURA: Amazing. So that's plus six. So that is an 18.
MATT: 18.
ASHLEY: Nice. [cheering]
MATT: And that was with Hope or Fear?
LAURA: Huh?
MATT: Is that with Hope?
LAURA: With Hope.
MATT: Great. Yeah. Take that Hope. All right, so as the rest of you are on the ground and the spirit takes off you watch Bethany just, her sides of her candle arms flare for a second before, (whoosh) You now see this streak of blue and a streak of red following after. You're both now high above the city. As you looking up and towards her angrily, you glance down and you can see the actual path, the trail that has been carved, where the spirit has passed through the town with only this brief moment and how the landscape around is transforming by its very presence.
LIAM: This is just like "Missile Command" at the arcade. (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: It arcs up and then looks over its shoulder and sees you and stops and spins and smiles. "Ah! Sweet thing."
LAURA: Hi. You should get back in your box. [laughter]
MATT: "I've been there too long. It's time to be free--
LAURA: Listen, we--
MATT: "-- and share with the world the greatness of the holidays."
LAURA: You turned us all into monsters, okay.
MATT: "You're beautiful."
LAURA: I have no legs. [laughter]
LAURA: And I have no hands. Please. Maybe if you come down you can-- You can just talk to us and we can help you.
MATT: Make a presence check for me.
LAURA: Can I? No, she wouldn't give a shit about who my dad is. (laughter) [laughter]
SAM: Why not? (laughter)
SAM: Do it.
LAURA: Can I add Do You Know Who My Dad Is? to this? He's the-- ow. He's the mayor. I just ran into the microphone. [laughter]
MATT: I'll ask you.
LAURA: Yes.
MATT: How do you think this entity has any idea what a mayor is? (laughter) [laughter]
LAURA: I don't. I don't think I should get this one.
MATT: I don't think you should either. (laughter) [laughter]
LIAM: Call him the Burgermeister. [laughter]
LAURA: Okay, that would be 18. Fear.
MATT: 18 with Fear. All right, so. She cocks her head towards you. "I have too much to do and so little time. But please, I want you to meet the rest of the family." It begins to arc away, heading back in, you could see, towards the eastern side of town.
LAURA: Eastern side? Wait, the eastern town?
SAM: ♪ East end girls ♪
MATT: Do you stay and watch where she goes?
LAURA: I want to stay up in the air so I can see exactly where she's going before I go back to the group.
MATT: Okay, so as you watch ahead, the rest of you on the ground are watching the streak and you can see now the sticks are (rumbling) beginning to reform.
TALIESIN: I'm getting everybody. Everybody grab a handful of kindling, we're going to take this thing apart! I'm grabbing as much as I can.
MATT: You're grabbing the kindling?
TALIESIN: I am.
MATT: Okay.
TALIESIN: Anybody want to join in?
SAM: Sure, sure, sure.
ASHLEY: Okay.
LIAM: I'm watching Bethany's light arc through the sky and talking under my breath: Now is the winter of our discontent, made glorious summer by this son of York! made glorious summer by this son of York! [laughter and applause] [cheering]
TRAVIS: What did that mean? [laughter]
MATT: So--
LIAM: Bethany's the coolest.
MATT: Who's gathering tinder bits of Hans Trapp?
LIAM: (German accent) Oh, tinder bits.
LAURA: Ew, ew, ew.
MATT: All right, mark that down for yourself.
SAM: I will also grab a few.
MATT: All right, so you've taken the separated bits, some of which is still burning like a cinder. There isn't active flame on it, but it is kind of, there's smoke and bits of ember on the edges of it. You gather it and hold it off the side and you all begin--
ASHLEY: Oh wait, I don't want to touch this. This is too hot. Sorry, I didn't mean to scream.
LIAM: I'll hold yours, snowman.
MATT: (chuckles) All right, so mark that down.
LIAM: Snow sis.
MATT: As you all glancing up towards the flaming arc that is Bethany keeping watch, you no longer have sight of the Spirit of Holiday Cheer as it has vanished beyond the tree line of your sight. But you Bethany, watch as it arcs down, it seems to vanish right around the base of Dork Dugs Arcade.
SAM: Dork Dugs Arcade? That place is awesome!
LAURA: Okay, as I see it land I'm going to fly back down to the group. It just went to Dork Dugs.
ASHLEY: Shit.
MARISHA: Oh. Do you think it likes "Metroid" or like-
SAM: "Rampage."
LAURA: "Rampage" for sure.
TRAVIS: "Golden Axe."
LAURA: I don't even want to think about what kind of monsters it can create over there.
TALIESIN: I'm going to get so fired, oh my god.
MATT: You hear a heavy crack in the distance. In that direction, uncertain of what it may be, but something has definitely shifted loudly.
ASHLEY: What was that crack in the distance?
LAURA: We got to go. We got to go. (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: With the gathered bundles of flaming sticks that still seem to pull towards each other like a perpetual magnetism as you hold them under your arms. Themselves forcing, trying to reform itself in your presence within your grasp. You all trudge out through the heavy, thick covered wood on the outside of the now shadowed water tower against the moonlit sky, the blizzard clouds barely starting to close over to prevent any sight of the stars above. As the cold winter wind takes over, you push to the east of Springvale Springs.
LIAM: I call first game.
MATT: And we're going to take a break there. [cheering and applause]
MATT: So we'll take our intermission, we'll see you all here in a little bit. Grab your snacks, grab whatever you need. Use your bathroom. And we'll see you shortly.
LIAM: Happy Critmas, y'all. [cheering]
MATT: (sinister laugh)
Break[]
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In Chronicles of Light, a darkness has fallen over the realm. Winds howl and clouds swirl as a vortex of chaos and malice pulls shadowy essences of powerful Disney villains into the realm. Together, these villains wreak havoc across this once peaceful land. The desperate villagers call for help, and a magical crystal portal opens bursting with light. Through the portal, the villagers summon essences from other realms that materialize as radiant crystal heroes. Each brings with them unique strengths and tools to push back the darkness. In this game of action and adventure, experience these heroes as you've never seen before. Collaborate and combine your actions, complete quests unique to each character, and replenish your health. You'll need to defeat shadow villains and close the vortex before darkness claims the realm of light forever. There are many ways to win as long as you work together as a team. Chronicles of Light, an immersive and cooperative game for one to four players ages eight and up from Ravensburger. (magical bright music) Around the world, stories of myths and monsters hint at the creatures lurking in the shadows. These tales should be enough for you to know that certain danger lies before you. Horrified is a cooperative game in which heroes work together to solve puzzles and defeat some of the most notorious monsters. (mysterious music)
LIAM: So I listen to a lot of podcasts and talk radio and-
ROBBIE: Same. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Well, you're an auditory learner then. Yeah.
LIAM: But I feel like I have the holodeck, both in the VO booth and with what we do.
ROBBIE: Oh, there you go.
LIAM: Like right now, she just looks like a dying woman whose hair is falling out and there's a dead rat perched on her shoulder. (laughing)
ROBBIE: I think you look great.
MARISHA: Thanks. (laughing)
LIAM: Oh, what a rogue and peasant slave am I.
ASHLEY: Well, now you're just showing off.
MARISHA: Fearne feels like she's always on the edge of slipping into a cult accidentally.
ROBBIE: Don't mess this up, or the theater nerds are gonna destroy us!
You've fought well, princesses. But this battle is far from over. I've made sure of it. You didn't think there were only six princesses in Twelvefold, did you? [laughter] Allow me to introduce Elise LaKraken, Diva of the Twelve Tides. Qasima al-Basar, Gentlewoman Thief of the Lamp. Kahurere Skyfisher, Rebel of the New Dawn. And then there's me, Azil with a Z. What Other Letter Would It Be? [laughter] By mind, magic, or might, claim your crown at last. Dare to be... Queen by Midnight Quarter Past. We'll see you in time. [laughter]
(mysterious music) How much should we take? Three handfuls. Three handfuls? Are you talking about three 'me' handfuls or or three 'you' handfuls? Timpani, we're always judging on your hand from now on. Three handfuls which I see as seven cups. It's absolutely perfect. A cup and a half blew a crater in the side of the mountain. This is not an exact science. Three handfuls, if you could, sir. Put it at the base of that tree. Sneaky and quiet. Quiet, Timpani. Very quiet. You got this, Timpani.
LAURA: Hey Critters! Laura Bailey here to guide you through what's new in the Critical Role shop. Style should never be a dump stat, darling. (gasp) Could anything be more perfect? Ooo so comfy cozy. The cuteness! It's overpowering. Check it out. Look. It has pockets. Go ahead, darling. Treat yourself. Oh my gosh, it's so amazing. This is a lot of stuff, you guys. We have so many cool things right now. And hey if you want, you could head over to the Critical Role shop right now.
(holiday music) (epic music) (mischievous music) (typewriter clacking) (peaceful music)
(door opening) [studio audience laughter] [light applause] FATHER: Honey, kids, I'm home! MOTHER: Welcome home, dear. [studio audience laughter] MOTHER: And you know what night it is? CHILD 1 and CHILD 2: It's Thursday night! MOTHER and FATHER: (laugh) ♪ (upbeat TV theme) ♪ NARRATOR: This summer, get the membership the entire family can enjoy! Your one-stop shop for the world of Critical Role. FATHER: (laughs) NARRATOR: Including a 10% discount in all our shops, live event pre-sales, a private Discord. FATHER: The popcorn monster! NARRATOR: And instant access to all podcasts and VODs for all your favorite shows. CHILD 1: Hurry up, Mom! CHILD 2: Critical Role is about to start! ♪ (upbeat TV theme ends) ♪ (remote control click) (ominous flashing) NARRATOR: With Beacon, all your dreams can become a reality. Beacon will introduce you to what has been and what could be. CHILD 1: Is Sam turning into a sunflower? MOTHER: No, Son, Sam has always been a sunflower. (static crackling) CHILD 2: Is Sam my father? FATHER: No, I'm your father. NARRATOR: Beacon will bring you to the edges of the (distorted) cosmic threshold. (distorted speech and gnashing) (distorted speech and gnashing) (increasing beeping and powering up) (chirping notification) MOTHER: Oh, the new episode of Candela just dropped. FATHER: Oh, spooky. [studio audience laughter] ♪ (upbeat TV theme) ♪ NARRATOR: Beacon. Endless stories, endless possibilities.
Part II[]
ASHLEY: What is he giving out? [cheering continues] Are those burritos?
SAM: Cheesesteaks!
LIAM: Philly cheesesteaks.
ASHLEY: Oh, Philly cheesesteaks. That makes more sense. [cheering]
MATT: What are you doing, Sam?
TALIESIN: Sam are you-- Oh no! No, bad!
ASHLEY: Did you just throw a loose sandwich?
LAURA: Are those real sandwiches?
TALIESIN: Let me smell your hat.
MARISHA: (laughs) [laughter]
MATT: Please tell me those weren't actual sandwiches.
SAM: No, it's merch wrapped in Philly cheesesteak.
MARISHA: Okay!
LAURA: Oh, that's awesome!
MATT: That scared the hell out of me.
ASHLEY: Me too. [laughter]
SAM: That was for our wonderful VIP guests up front, but the fun doesn't end there. I have another giveaway for someone further in the back, section 204, seat E15. Look under your seat.
LIAM: Whoa. [cheering] There's a secret gift, or at least we're going to bring it to you or something, I don't know.
MATT: (laughs) [laughter]
SAM: I don't really know, I didn't plan this. I mean, I did plan it, but they said there's nowhere to hide it under the seat, so they said just announce it and we'll bring it to them or something.
TALIESIN: It's a Philly cheesesteak wrapped in merch. (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: That's fitting.
SAM: 204, E15.
LAURA: Yay, there you are!
SAM: Yay! Congratulations! [cheering] You are the winner of Critical Role. (laughter) It's now your company. (laughter) [cheering]
TALIESIN: We've gone full Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah.
MATT: So much less stress.
SAM: (laughs) We have a lot of HR problems. (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: Your problems now. [laughter] Welcome back, everybody.
ASHLEY: Whoo! [cheering]
TALIESIN: Yeah. Ooh.
MATT: So--
AUDIENCE MEMBER: We missed you!
ASHLEY: We missed you.
MATT: As we left off, this troop of strange, festively transformed teenagers--
ASHLEY: (yelps)
TALIESIN: (grunts)
MATT: -- are trekking across Springvale Springs in search of the rogue Spirit of Holiday Cheer as it terraforms and terrorizes their hometown, vanishing somewhere in the direction of the arcade. As you all continue to trek in that direction, is there anything you wish to prep before you head back further into the city?
SAM: Prep? Oh, how are you--
LAURA: We got to prep?
SAM: How are you doing on health?
MATT: Oh, I should note too, by the way, I now have a clock up for Hans Trapp, which you have all brought his pieces with you.
SAM: Oh.
LAURA: Oh.
MATT: So I'll put that there and keep tabs on that, so continue what you're doing.
TALIESIN: Von Trapp?
MARISHA: What?
TALIESIN: What? [laughter]
MATT: Don't worry about it. [laughter]
TALIESIN: Hate when he says that.
LAURA: We've got to figure out what we're going to do. We can't just keep going after this creature. What if they keep creating new monsters everywhere we go?
ASHLEY: What'd she say?
LAURA: They said they needed to spread Christmas cheer, and--
TRAVIS: To all their children, right? (hooting) Stop it! [laughter] What if we set an ambush? What if we make them come to us? What if the Spirit of Christmas really loves you know, some sticky icky icky? [laughter]
ASHLEY: I don't know what that means.
TRAVIS: Yeah, you know, we could fan the flames a little bit and see if we could draw them out of the arcade.
SAM: You said they're at the arcade. What if we challenge them to Ms. Pac-Man or something?
TALIESIN: Somehow, that's a better idea than yours. [laughter]
LAURA: I don't know. I mean, listen.
TALIESIN: That's sad.
TRAVIS: I thought we were cool, Dylan. I thought we were cool.
LAURA: This is an ancient spirit.
TALIESIN: Whatever.
LAURA: It's not like they know Ms. Pac-Man. But weed's been around a long time. [laughter]
TRAVIS: Thank you, Bethany.
SAM: By the way, just to say it out loud, did you guys notice that we totally changed into monsters and have magical abilities now?
LAURA: It is pretty weird.
SAM: It's wild.
ASHLEY: I hate it, but I love it at the same time.
TRAVIS: It's pretty warm.
LIAM: Also, your dad threw a key party on Christmas.
TALIESIN: (laughs) [laughter]
LAURA: And invited children! I mean, how creepy!
SAM: I mean--
LIAM: This night is cursed in so many ways.
TALIESIN: (laughs) [laughter]
ASHLEY: We could also-- What if we do Christmas caroling?
SAM: Ooh, I like that idea.
MARISHA: Wait.
TALIESIN: Go on.
MARISHA: What is that going to do? To keep spreading cheer?
ASHLEY: Well, maybe to get the spirit's attention.
SAM: So you guys know "Oh Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel"?
ASHLEY: I do!
SAM: Okay, that's one. (laughter) [laughter]
MARISHA: I don't know, I feel like maybe we should do some research. I know that sounds super lame, but maybe we should go to the library or something. This feels so out of our depth, and I don't want to keep fighting wicker men.
TRAVIS: No, super lame. It's super lame.
TALIESIN: Do you even know where the library is? Because I know I don't!
SAM: No, it's not on the map.
LAURA: No, it's not on the map.
SAM: It's literally not on the map.
ASHLEY: It's at school!
MARISHA: We could go to the comics--
SAM: The comics store is like a library.
MARISHA: Yes!
LAURA: Honestly, though.
TALIESIN: Actually, that's a really good idea.
ASHLEY: That is true.
LAURA: The comic book store might be a really good place. They have-- [cheering]
LAURA: Hey.
TALIESIN: They have a full run of "Heavy Metal Magazine."
MARISHA: It's already on our way to Dork Dugs Arcade, so we can maybe just stop on the way.
LIAM: Great.
TALIESIN:That's fair.
TRAVIS: Dominic Nook's Comic Nook?
TALIESIN: Yeah.
LAURA: Yeah yeah yeah.
SAM: Yeah, also, I worked there one summer, and I--
LAURA: You worked at the comic book store?
TALIESIN: You didn't know?
LAURA: No.
SAM: Yeah.
LAURA: Like I would ever go there! (scoffs)
SAM: Well, why?
ASHLEY: Bethany, that's not true.
SAM: Comics are really great. You should really-- Maybe I could show you some of mine sometime.
TALIESIN: She's fine. Let it go, man. [laughter]
LAURA: I don't need to see your--
SAM: I got this really cool one. It's black and white. It's called the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." It just came out.
TALIESIN: Ugh. [cheering]
SAM: I think it's going to be really big, I don't know.
LAURA: Listen. I mean, what do I care about turtles? It's not like Donatello would totally be my favorite.
SAM: Wait, you know? [laughter]
LIAM: (laughs)
SAM: Wait! You know about it?
LAURA: Listen, I don't want to talk about this right now. There's bigger things happening to the town.
ASHLEY: Well, she always hides her comics in her textbooks.
LAURA: (gasps)
SAM: Wha?
ASHLEY: What?
LAURA: Gwennie!
ASHLEY: It's true!
MARISHA: Look Bethany, I think-- I know nerds aren't cool now, but I have a feeling that in the future-- [laughter]
MARISHA: -- nerds are going to be super cool.
LAURA: (laughs) [cheering]
SAM: No way!
MARISHA: I feel like, you know, you shouldn't-- The more you try to deny your inner passions, the more it's going to eat you up inside.
TALIESIN: You're an idiot, new kid.
ASHLEY: Words of wisdom.
MARISHA: No, no, no! So, here. To try and relate to you, because I don't relate to you in literally any aspect whatsoever. My dad, he gave me a bunch of old mercury from a bunch of thermometers, and I broke them all, and I put them all in my hand. And then I told everybody that it was my alien symbiote.
ASHLEY: Whoa!
MARISHA: Yeah.
SAM: That's pretty cool.
ASHLEY: That's so cool.
TALIESIN: That is actually pretty cool.
MARISHA: He took it away later because he said mercury's toxic, but I kept a lot of the mercury. [laughter]
LAURA: Wow, maybe that's why you're a reindeer skull right now.
MARISHA: Okay, so. So I really think we shouldn't rule out that this might be a radiation leak from the silo. I'm just saying. I spit on myself a little. I'm just saying, though.
TALIESIN: You have no lips. I mean, it's going to happen.
MARISHA: That's true. [laughter]
MARISHA: My tongue has nothing to keep itself from falling out, it's weird.
TRAVIS: I mean, maybe if we trap the Spirit of Christmas in the box, then we can throw it in the nuclear silo, but we've got to catch it first.
CAST: (impressed oohing)
ASHLEY: Tanner!
LAURA: Yeah, Tanner.
SAM: Mordor.
TRAVIS: I'm telling you. (hoots and grunts)
SAM: (laughs) [laughter]
SAM: Wow.
LAURA: You still have the box. Right, Gwen?
LIAM: (knocks)
ASHLEY: Yeah, it's in there.
LAURA: All right.
LIAM: Trystan steps out under a spotlight, a streetlight. Listen, you guys.
TRAVIS: Look at that happy trail. (laughter) [laughter]
LIAM: Trash, did you notice? We'll talk later. [laughter]
LIAM: We were always nerds and freaks, in our different way, and now we really are. This is the moment where we save our town and save the holidays by embracing that inner nerd and freak. This is our time, here. [cheering]
LIAM: Right now, this is our time. So I say we go get that fucking fairy monster and stick it in the box, and stick that box, and stick it in a nuclear factory!
SAM: Whoa, that was an awesome monologue. You should audition with that next year.
MARISHA: Dude, that was just mine and Tanner's ideas that you just rephrased into a speech. You suck, bro.
ASHLEY: You kind of did, Trystan.
SAM: He took good writing and he performed it well.
LIAM: Now you get a d6 rally die to spend on anything you want, because I found my light and delivered! (laughter) [laughter]
TRAVIS: Thank you. [cheering]
TRAVIS: D6 acknowledged.
LAURA: Nice, nice.
LIAM: And you ungrateful fucks can use that for reaction rolls, action rolls, or to clear a number of stress equal to the result.
TALIESIN: What? What? Okay, now we're cool.
LAURA: That's pretty major.
LIAM: Even you, Riley.
ASHLEY: Wait, say that one more time. Reaction rolls? What else?
TALIESIN: Stress is all that matters.
LIAM: Action, reaction, or use it to clear stress.
ASHLEY: Okay.
LAURA: Listen, do you think the comic book store would have old German--
TRAVIS: Tomes?
LAURA: -- Christmas tales or something?
SAM: Hmm.
LAURA: Ancient horror stories, or stuff like that?
SAM: They might. He does have some eclectic stuff, yeah.
LAURA: Maybe we should check it out, then.
LIAM: I mean, there's books to tell you how to fight vampires, space aliens. There's got to be something.
LAURA: Yeah, let's swing by.
SAM: Let's swing by, yeah.
MATT: All righty, so as you're now trekking back across the town you hit the street from beyond the water tower curving on the direction towards Dork Dugs Arcade, but turning left towards Dominic Nook's Comic Nook. There, you can see already in the distance the glowing neon sign of the arcade on the side are starting to be overtaken with shadow as the exterior of the comic shop itself is mostly dark. There's a faint bit of blue light inside the front window, but it is closed, being Christmas, the doors themselves shut, but it is there and at your disposal, should you were to find a way in.
LAURA: Can you still break into things with your giant paws? [scattered laughter]
TALIESIN: I have very delicate fingernails right now. They're sharp, they'll do the job, and I still have that bloody hairpin, excuse me.
MATT and LAURA: (laugh) [laughter]
TALIESIN: I'll need some light though. Come over here.
LAURA: Oh.
TALIESIN: Thank you. (laughter) [laughter]
TALIESIN: Yeah, I'm rolling for it. That's a-- Where'd it go?
MARISHA: So stupid. [laughter]
TALIESIN: I love it. That's Pick and Pull.
LAURA: (laughs) [laughter]
TALIESIN: All right. Okay, so I'm going to roll straight for that. That's finesse?
MATT: For that, it would be finesse, yes.
TALIESIN: All right. Ooh! That's 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18. 21 with Fear.
MATT: With Fear, so I'll take a Fear on that.
TALIESIN: That'll do!
MATT: However, you do manage to succeed at this, as you turn the thing on the inside of the lock, find one interior little spring. (clicking) It opens up on the inside. (door creaking) You can already see the dull security lights that just barely light the interior. Most of it's shadowed shelves of various books and comics on all sides, that familiar smell of a fresh comic store, which is a fine mix of fresh print, old print, and comic readers. [laughter]
LIAM: Put it in my veins!
MATT: I say with love, being one. (chuckles) But as you all shuffle in, which is a sight to behold, you are a modicum of strange shapes all darting into the shadow and closing the door behind you, which rings (bell tinging) as the door shuts behind you. As soon as the ring of the bell hits you hear some shuffling and then silence in the far back corner of the room.
TRAVIS: (hoots)
ASHLEY: Hello?
LAURA: Wait, why would you--
ASHLEY: Shit!
TRAVIS: Fucking turd!
ASHLEY: I don't know why I did that! [laughter]
TRAVIS: Well, go check it out now!
ASHLEY: I'll roll over. [laughter]
MATT: Okay. (wet shuffling) Like a snowman does, you roll over to that space.
SAM: It's like BB-8.
MATT: Yeah, just-- (rolling) (laughter) [laughter] You go past the main desk and the front storefront shelves to the middle section of the shop where the majority of the backlog is kept. There is the dark cloth-covered adult section, and at immediate glance, you don't see anything in here.
ASHLEY: I don't see anything. We just heard nothing.
TALIESIN: I'm going to try and sneak back there and check it out. Ralph, go in the back, grab the "Vaults of Horror" and any of the Christmas issues of "Heavy Metal" you can find.
SAM: Yes, sir!
TALIESIN: Right.
MATT: All right, if you want to go ahead, Dylan, we'll make this a-- This would be an instinct roll to try and see if you sense anything else within the region.
TALIESIN: Okay, I'm going cloaked, too, as best I can. I'm trying to stick to the shadows as much as a--
MATT: Which you can use as your class ability without issue.
TALIESIN: Oh yeah.
MATT: So, yeah.
TALIESIN: All right, so this is a instinct roll?
MATT: Instinct roll to see if you can perceive what may have made this noise.
TALIESIN: That's a seven with Hope.
MATT: Seven with Hope. You take a Hope. You fail to notice anything out of the ordinary. As you head towards the back right corner, you can see there are sections of bare shelving where stocked books have been either sold or haven't been restocked. And then a shape suddenly darts past your shoulder and starts rushing out towards the front of the chamber.
TALIESIN: Grab it!
MATT: You guys hear this and you see a shape, a shadow, running past you all towards the front.
LAURA: What's a grabbit?
MATT: Who wants to try and reach for it?
TRAVIS: I will! (hooting)
MATT: All right, I need you to make either-- I'd say make an agility or strength roll for me.
TRAVIS: I'll make a strength roll. That is (auctioneer counting) 14 plus Fear.
TALIESIN: Hey!
MATT: 14 plus Fear. I'll take a Fear on that.
TALIESIN: Here I've got 14! Now I've got 15! 15 Fear! (laughter) [laughter]
TRAVIS: I got a monkey head, what about it?
MATT: Yep.
MARISHA: It's so cute.
TRAVIS: Shut up!
ASHLEY: It is really cute.
TRAVIS: I'm fearsome!
ASHLEY: I'm tough.
TALIESIN: Aw!
MATT: As the shadow darts past, your monkey arm reaches out, the cymbal catching the front of what looks to be, at an immediate glance, a teenager.
SAM: (gasps)
LAURA: Oh.
MATT: You see a…around 15 year old girl with tightly curled red hair, freckled face, braces, chubbier cheeks, and a really angry-looking visual expression. She's wearing overalls with a heavy coat over it and it looks like a heavy bag under one shoulder, and gets caught and is like, "Hey, what are you doing? Let me go!"
TRAVIS: (hooting) Tex?
TALIESIN: Tex Sanderson, I should've known.
MATT: "What are you-- What the fuck is going on?"
ASHLEY: What are you doing in here?
MATT: (pants)
MARISHA: Why aren't you a monster?
MATT: (pants) Just hyperventilating looking--
TRAVIS: Tex!
MATT: -- at these terrible nightmare creatures, slowly curling--
TRAVIS: Tex, Tex, Tex!
ASHLEY: Oh. Oh yeah.
TRAVIS: It's Tanner! It's Tanner and Dylan and Gwen.
LAURA: I'm going to float up in front of her face.
ASHLEY: It's me, Gwennie!
LAURA: Listen.
MATT: (screams)
LAURA: No, Tex, listen! It's me!
MATT: "How do you know my name?"
LAURA: It's Bethany.
MATT: "I don't want to die!"
TRAVIS: You're going to die! (roars)
MATT: (screams) (whimpering) [laughter]
MARISHA: (laughs) [laughter]
LAURA: Just calm down, okay?
MATT: "Bethany?"
LAURA: Yeah, everything's going to be fine.
MATT: "Is this some stupid prank?"
LAURA, SAM, and TALIESIN: Yeah.
ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. [laughter]
TALIESIN: (fake laughs)
SAM: Yeah, these are just costumes, and it was a prank that went wrong, but everything's going to be fine, and Bethany can put in a good word for you at school if you help us.
LAURA: She doesn't even go to our school, Ralph.
ASHLEY: Yeah, she's from Waterfall Falls!
SAM: Oh. Well, fuck her.
MATT: "Fuck you!" Tex tries to pull from your grasp. Do you let her free, or do you hold on?
TRAVIS: I'll let go.
MATT: Okay.
LAURA and TALIESIN: No!
ASHLEY: No, wait!
TRAVIS: Shut up! (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: Tex pulls free and adjusts the jacket. "Fuck your Christmas, losers!" And goes darting for the front door.
LAURA: Wait, wait!
TALIESIN: I cast Veil-- Not Veil of Shadows. Where is it?
LAURA: Can I try to hook her bag before she darts out and grab it off her shoulder?
MATT: Sure. For this, I'd say make an agility check for me, if you don't mind.
LAURA: Agility check? Okay, okay, okay.
MATT: Yeah, roll for agility.
TALIESIN: Oh no, I hate this girl. [scattered laughter]
LAURA: Okay, that's a 18 with Hope.
MATT: Great, take that Hope. So she darts. You grab the satchel and pull the bag away as she gets to the door and goes to reach for the handle. Since you unlocked it, it opens up easily, and she begins to dart out into the night unless somebody's doing anything else.
MARISHA: I'm going to trip her.
MATT: You're going to trip her?
MARISHA: I put out a long, spindly reindeer leg and trip her. [laughter]
MATT: Make a finesse test for me on that one to see if you can maneuver your foot in the right place to catch her right as she tries to exit.
MARISHA: Okay, can I-- oh.
ASHLEY: Can I assist?
MATT: You want to help? All right, spend a Hope.
ASHLEY: I'm going to spend a Hope. I'm going to assist by trying to (chuckles) squirt out some snow. (laughter) [laughter]
MARISHA: Ah! Yeah!
TRAVIS: Say that again, say that again.
ASHLEY: Like a little SNO-GO to make it a little slushy.
MARISHA: Slippery when wet, bitch.
ASHLEY: Yeah!
MARISHA: Let's go!
MATT: So you can add a--
MARISHA: Crit!
MATT: Oh, look at that!
ASHLEY: Yeah! [cheers]
MATT: (laughs)
ASHLEY: Yes!
MATT: Fantastic. Gain that Hope, clear that stress, if you got it. As Tex Sanderson rushes right through the exit to freedom before landing face first and (sidewalk scraping) strawberries across the sidewalk for a second. You hear "(pained grunting)."
MARISHA: (chortles)
MATT: Gets up, just a bloody face. She goes like, "You dickweeds."
MARISHA: Gnarly. (mean chuckle)
MATT: "Springvale sucks!"
LAURA: Waterfalls sucks.
MARISHA: Give me all your books.
ASHLEY: Whatever.
MATT: "The books are mine!" And she reaches for the bag, and it's gone, and looks over.
LAURA: Suck it!
SAM: (laughs) [laughter]
SAM: Nice, Bethany.
LAURA: Thanks.
MATT: "Von Trapps rule!" Flicks you off and then runs off into the night.
SAM: (laughs) [laughter]
MARISHA: All right.
LAURA: I got her books. What was she even doing here on Christmas, anyway?
SAM: Maybe there's a clue in her knapsack.
LAURA: Is it actually Christmas? Were our parents having a key party on Christmas?
SAM: Christmas Eve, Christmas Eve.
MATT: Christmas Eve, it wasn't yet Christmas.
SAM: Don't worry, tomorrow is a holy day.
TALIESIN: Does that make it worse or better for you? (laughter) [laughter] Or not at all, okay. What's in the bag?
LAURA: Maybe she was looking for the same books we were looking for.
TALIESIN: She's always looking for the same books we're looking for. She's a menace.
SAM: What's she got in it?
MATT: You glance inside and it is a whole series of new edition collections.
LAURA: She was stealing!
MATT: Collector piece-- It looks like she had snuck in on Christmas Eve--
TRAVIS: Damn.
MATT: -- to steal some of Springvale Springs' finest comic books.
LAURA and SAM: (indignant gasp)
LIAM: Respect.
ASHLEY: How dare? She's going to get turned into something if she stays out there.
TALIESIN: She doesn't even read them. She just resells them to other kids at the school. Don't think I don't know what she's up to.
SAM: You know what, though, Bethany, you might like this one. It's called "Watchmen." [laughter]
LAURA: Ooh, that guy's naked. (laughter) [laughter]
SAM: Maybe we could read them together or something sometime. [laughter] Wait, I'm not (sighs). [laughter] I felt judged.
LIAM: You are talking to a tree-topper floating in front of your face.
LAURA: Yeah, we've got to figure out what's going on here and stop it.
SAM: Okay, okay, okay. Find some weird German comic books that tell us about spirits.
MATT: All right, who's--
LAURA: Oh, maybe Dominic has a holiday display with all of the holiday comics that would have the holiday spirit.
SAM: Sure.
MARISHA: We should check the children's section because Germans have some really weird-ass children's stories.
SAM: Oh yeah.
TALIESIN: I don't even know where that is in this store. I've never been in there.
SAM: I do. Oh, sure you haven't.
MATT: (laughs) All right, this will be a group knowledge check here.
MARISHA: For all of us?
MATT: Who would like to be the leader for this?
SAM: I will since I worked here.
MATT: Okay, fair enough. So you'll be leading it. Everyone else who is part of this, we're going to go down making knowledge reaction rolls to help your friend out as you're all basically scanning throughout the store. So we'll--
LAURA and TALIESIN: Crit!
ASHLEY: What?! [cheering]
MATT: All right.
TRAVIS: Double dice, baby, double dice!
MATT: So that's two successes. That's great. That's plus two already.
TRAVIS: 22 with Hope.
MATT: Three, it's a plus three.
MARISHA: Okay, okay. We're still rolling even though they rolled double crits.
MATT: Well, they weren't the ones making the final roll. They're just adding to it.
TALIESIN: Are we going to find something translated or not?
MARISHA: Can I add Spent Time Overseas to this?
MATT: If you want to help your ability to contribute to it, sure. Just spend a Hope to do so.
MARISHA: Okay. Sorry, mathing. 18, 19-- I'm sorry. (mumbled counting) 15 with Hope.
MATT: Okay. So that's plus four on that one.
ASHLEY: Ooh, 13 with Fear.
MATT: 13 with Fear, okay. So that is minus one, so that brings it down to three.
LIAM: Eight with Fear. Trystan's in the bathroom making his pecs dance in front of the mirror.
MATT: All right. Still with all that, it's still a plus two to your final roll there.
SAM: Okay, okay, here we go.
MATT: This is the one that matters.
SAM: Oh! Oh!
MATT: Okay!
SAM: 26 with Hope.
MATT: (laughs)
ASHLEY: Yeah! [cheering]
MATT: Literally rolled a--
SAM: Oh wait. Plus two, 28 with Hope.
MATT: Yeah. [cheering]
SAM: Guys, I found something called "Der Struwwelpeter." It's a collection of German short stories meant to scare children. And it's real.
MARISHA: That's what we need.
ASHLEY: That's exactly what we need.
MATT: Indeed you do. Well, this in particular is not just a book. It's a series of graphic novel collections from the early 1940s and 1950s. It would've been the original "Tales from the Crypt" and "Vault of Terror" and all these great series were first coming out, and a lot of them are these exuberant tales of various awful German folklore, and it seems like this might be a good source of information. There's many stories throughout. So you're not sure what to look for. But should the moment arise where you need to learn what things might be crawling about, it might be useful.
SAM: Okay, okay. We're pocketing this and moving on, is that right? Or we're going to read it now?
LIAM: We got to speed read.
ASHLEY: Read through it.
LAURA: How many copies are there? How many different issues?
MATT: I mean, it's multiple issues, multiple books.
LIAM: This one's about me. (laughter) [laughter]
MARISHA: Yeah, should we divide it up?
LAURA: Yeah, divide it up and everybody--
ASHLEY: Divide and conquer?
LAURA: Just look for a blue fairy.
SAM: Wait.
LAURA: What?
SAM: Are we going to do a comic-reading montage right now?
LAURA: (laughs) [laughter]
MARISHA: (whispers) Yes.
MATT: We can, if you'd like to.
TALIESIN: Do you have a montage song?
SAM: Yes. Uh...
MATT: I'll find one.
LAURA: Would this be considered a short rest while we comic-book montage?
MATT: If you want to take a short rest, we can.
TALIESIN: Oh, that's awesome.
LIAM: Good call.
TALIESIN: I haven't done that in this game yet.
MATT: All right, great.
TALIESIN: It's weird, Do you have the thing for short rest?
TRAVIS: Yeah.
LAURA: Yeah, it's right there.
MATT: Let's go. So for this, we'll go ahead and-- So at this point, you all begin to sit here in the dark with the little bit of lights you can find here in the comic shop. You're looking down and poring through these graphic novels, individually jumping from story to story. You begin to consume and really truly understand how deeply fucked-up German folklore is. (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: Like, we are a soft nation. [laughter]
MATT: Children were forged for survival for hundreds and hundreds of years through terrifying tales of entities that basically children would have their parents at holiday time would share joy in the knowledge that if you didn't work your way the entire year, you would have horrible things happen to you by terrible things. And if you're lucky, you'll get a potato.
SAM: Yeah. (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: It's a lot to take in. You do get to take the benefits of your short rest, which means you can take a couple of downtime actions here. However, because you are taking time on this, I also get to add some Fear to me. I am maxed out on Fear now.
TRAVIS: Maxed out?
MATT: And because the timer's been out, I'd like someone to roll 2d6 for me, please.
LIAM: I got it.
ASHLEY: No.
LIAM: Here goes.
MARISHA: Roll good, O'Brien.
TALIESIN: Roll bad, O'Brien.
LIAM: A five and a one, it's six.
TALIESIN: He rolled both.
MATT: Six. Well, this clock has six spaces.
LAURA: (gasps)
TALIESIN: Oh.
MATT: Which completes the clock.
LAURA: Oh no.
ASHLEY: Okay.
TALIESIN: That's a "Trivial Pursuit" part.
MATT: So you finish up the books and start sharing information of what you've seen.
LAURA: I'm going to use my short rest to fix my armor and heal my wounds.
MATT: Okay.
LIAM: Me too. I'm going to zhuzh my chest hair and cover over my ouchie.
MATT: You got it. All right, so has everyone taken their downtime actions?
MARISHA: Yeah.
TALIESIN: Yeah, I'm reading up and I'm feeling better.
MATT: Great.
TALIESIN: And gaining some Hope.
MATT: You all finish up reading and start sharing some horrible stories. You've heard some interesting myths.
ASHLEY: I'm on the speed reading team.
MARISHA: Yeah.
MATT: (laughs) Just as the smell of burning twig begins to fill the chamber.
MARISHA: (frustrated noise)
MATT: You all turn around and realize that, in your focus, you didn't notice the various bundles of Hans Trapp had slowly shifted and pulled out of your grasp and bags and reformed as the terrifying massive scarecrow man now burning of angry cinder begins to rise up inside the comic shop and goes after you immediately. The closest to him, I'll say for the purposes of this, I'm going to say it's you, Tanner, over there.
TRAVIS: (monkey hoot)
MARISHA: (laughs)
MATT: He's going to rush forward, spend a Fear to go into a Burning Maw strike against you. Ooh, that's going to be a 20. I believe that beats your evasion, sir.
TRAVIS: It sure does, but I'm going to use my ability to Scramble and "once per rest when a creature within melee range would deal damage to you, you can avoid the attack and safely move out of melee range of the enemy." [cheering]
TRAVIS: (monkey hoots)
MATT: (laughs) Its massive, terrifying, weird cinder clawed arms reach out towards you, these massive billowing clouds of black and glowing smoke behind it. It reaches and tries to grasp for you, and as the smoke fills and begins to dissipate, you are not where it thought you were. It spins around (growls), its split flaming head now reaching for any sight of where you are. It's still keeping track.
TRAVIS: (mocking hoot)
MATT: All right, it's your go.
SAM: I'm going to reach out with my hand, and my hand starts to glow, and I'm going to cast Bolt Beacon straight at the creature, which will also make it glow if it hits.
MATT: Let's go.
SAM: I will roll. That's terrible. Seven with Fear.
MATT: Seven with Fear.
SAM: Oh wait, plus three. So that's 10 with Fear.
MATT: 10 with Fear. Unfortunately, it misses, and I gain a Fear. So what happens now--
TRAVIS: Back up.
MATT: As you fire the bolt towards it, it actually strikes it in the arm, but it rears back. It doesn't do enough to damage it, but it causes it to pull away from the flash of energy. Even you're curious how this apparated out of your hand. As it hits, it pulls its arm back and slams it into one of the nearby shelves, knocking a bunch of books off of it and flame begins to catch along the books and the bookshelf to its side. It looks like the comic store is on fire.
ALL: No!
TRAVIS: Hurry, throw Gwennie at it.
LIAM: Yeah.
ASHLEY: No!
MATT: It's now immediately going to rush towards you as the one that scared it and sent it off the way as Hans Trapp rushes towards you, both of its arms forward, I'm going to immediately spend a Fear to go for a Burning Maw strike on you.
SAM: No!
MATT: That's going to be a 15 to hit you.
SAM: That hits!
MATT: That hits.
LAURA: No! I'm going to jump in front of Ralphie.
MATT: Using?
LAURA: My ability, I Am Your Shield.
TRAVIS: What?!
MATT: Okay.
LAURA: I'm going to mark a stress to stand in the way and take the damage instead.
MATT: All right.
SAM: Bethany, no!
MATT: So you take 12 points of physical damage.
TRAVIS: It is so stupid.
LAURA: Okay. (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: Wait, no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. This is the Burning Maw attack. I roll d12s for this. So that is instead-- Oh, that's going to be 20 points of magic damage on you.
MARISHA and SAM: Ooh.
MATT: And you are currently restrained until you can break free with a successful finesse or strength roll.
LAURA: I'm going to take an armor to knock that down. And, god, he makes me so mad!
SAM: Oh no, another tantrum.
MATT: You watch as it grabs it and sweeps up the tiny flying little tea tropper-- tree topper, phrase, talking, bleh.
TALIESIN: Street topper?
MATT: And stuffs her into his flaming split head and (jaws snapping) it closes around her, and you are now burning within its jaws.
ASHLEY: Bethany!
LAURA: (grunt) I'm going to slam my arms up into it and I'm going to use Vengeance.
MATT: Go for it.
LAURA: If he's going to take a hit point as well just for me being angry at him.
MATT: Hell yeah, all right, I'm marking that.
LAURA: And (angry grunt) I'm going to slam my stupid little light thing into his face and it's going to break and shatter and turn really sharp and I'm going to turn Unstoppable. (oohing)
LAURA: ♪ Unstoppable ♪
SAM: ♪ Unstoppable ♪
ASHLEY: ♪ Unstoppable ♪
SAM: What does that mean?
LAURA: That means I'm extra badass is what it means.
MATT: All right, so mark your d4. Your Unstoppable has begun.
LAURA: Yes!
MATT: All right.
TALIESIN: You made a broken beer bottle.
MATT: Now it's still on your guys' go. Who wants to go?
TALIESIN: Well, I'm going to commit such a sin. I'm sitting, praying to whatever dark lords of rock that I believe in. Is there a sprinkler system in this room?
TRAVIS: Oh!
MATT: There is. It hasn't quite picked up on the smoke and flame yet.
TALIESIN: Oh, forgive me, Stan Lee. I'm going to send a knife and break and set off the sprinkler system.
MATT: Great, roll for finesse for me.
TALIESIN: Oh god, I'm so bad. I hate it.
MARISHA: All the comics.
TALIESIN: Oh, I know.
MARISHA: Dylan!
TRAVIS: They're covered in plastic!
TALIESIN: Finesse, that's a 24.
MATT: 24 with Hope or Fear?
TALIESIN: With Hope, wait, no, with Fear, never mind.
MATT: With Fear, okay.
TRAVIS: Goddamn it!
TALIESIN: Eh, eh...
MATT: Take that Fear back. All right, so you slam upward (slashing). You hit the sprinkler system. (water spraying) Suddenly, the entirety of the building, not just the comic shop on the base floor, begins to spray with water at all points. As it hits the Hans Trapp entity, the combination of flames on it that still contains you within its mouth and the water--
LAURA: (shrieks)
MATT: -- causes smoke and steam to (billowing) fill out the room, making the entire room now partially obscured. Also, all the comics are likely damaged at this point.
LIAM: It's okay! Most of the comics are bagged. (laughter) [laughter}
TALIESIN: I'm going to kill you when this is done.
MATT: I will say in this moment that for the next roll against it, Hans Trapp is considered vulnerable.
LAURA: (gasps)
MARISHA: I just want to get this-- We got to get him out of the shop.
ASHLEY: I am melting!
MARISHA: And Gwennie's melting! You see in the steam that is rising, big puffs of air coming out of my nostrils and I start to scrape my hooves and I'm going to do a big charge attack to see if I can push it back towards the door.
TRAVIS: Nice.
MATT: Let's go. Are you trying to do damage or are you trying to push it?
MARISHA: So, well, as a deer as part of my Ancestry.
MATT: Yep.
MARISHA: As a (coughs) firbolg, I get a charge attack, which is that I can deal damage, but I would like to push it.
MATT: Yeah, go for it. Make the attack.
MARISHA: Okay. Okay. Oh my god.
SAM: You have that d6, if you want to use it.
TRAVIS: The rally die.
TALIESIN: Rally die!
MARISHA: It's not going to work. It's a one and a two.
SAM: Well then, fine.
LIAM: If I leap on her back to do a team attack, does it boost its chances of success?
MATT: You would have had to claim that before the roll.
SAM: However, I can call out to you: You need to do this for Bethany, my sister, and I'm going to Reassure you. So you get to reroll your dice.
MARISHA: (cheering) [cheering]
SAM: Bethany, we're going to come out. We're going to get you.
MARISHA: You're right. For the Secret Nerd! (yells) That's better.
LIAM: You got a rally die, too, if you need it.
MARISHA: (mumbled counting) Do I add anything? What do I add?
MATT: Just strength.
SAM: Strength.
MARISHA: I don't have any strength. 16?
MATT: 16 is a success. [cheering]
ASHLEY: Yes!
LAURA: 16 with Hope or Fear?
MARISHA: With Fear. (groaning)
MATT: Good to know.
TRAVIS: Stop it.
LIAM: (laughs) [laughter]
LIAM: Not a lot of Hope at this table.
MATT: All right. So you said you're doing damage? Roll damage on that.
MARISHA: Yeah, so I can mark a stress to deal a d12. So I will do, ugh, yucky. Three damage.
MATT: Three damage, okay. I mean, that's still one hit point on it because that's still just its minor threshold. So you rush forward, slam into it. It doesn't do a lot of damage, but it does push it, and it goes slamming through the front glass doors, or the door in the window. (glass shattering) Shattering out the front of the entire comic shop. This big trail of smoke goes (thudding) rolls across the ground and eventually catches itself there. It lands. You, Bethany, feel the impact as you rattle inside the--
LAURA: While I'm being rattled around inside and I feel it got pushed, I'm going to fling myself forward and use a Body Bash attack from the inside.
MATT: You can do that, go for it.
LIAM: It's outside the shop now?
MATT: It's pushed outside, yeah.
LIAM: Okay.
ASHLEY: I'm going to roll out there.
MATT: The shop is still beginning to burn. Well, no, yeah, the fire's out now at this point.
SAM: All the comics are perfectly wet.
MATT: Yeah.
TALIESIN: They're in bags and boards. They're fine.
SAM: Well.
TALIESIN: Well, all the good ones are.
LAURA: That's 16 with Fear.
MATT: 16 with Fear, sure enough, that works.
LAURA: Okay, so I get to do my damage and add my strength to my damage. So that's nine plus, wait, plus six is 15 plus three. So that's nine plus, wait, plus six is 15 plus three. 19 damage.
MATT: 19, that's going to be a major wound, so that's two more hit points on it there. I'm going to spend a Fear to have an immediate retort on you, and it's going to go ahead and try and crush you further within its jaws with a secondary Burning Maw attack. Spend a second Fear to do that. So now it's going to try to continue to chew on you from the inside.
LAURA: Oh no! I'm going to hold my broken hand and--
MATT: That's a natural one.
LAURA: Ha ha! [cheering]
MATT: So it tries to chew on you, but you manage to pull up and pull your way outside of some of the twigs and sticks, and you're partway out of the mouth now. You still have to try and make a roll to break free if you want to.
LAURA: (panting) Yes.
MATT: But you manage to avoid being further chewed on the inside of its bisected twig head.
LAURA: Help, help me, help me.
MATT: It's back to you guys. Who wants to do what?
ASHLEY: I'm going to run. I'm rolling out there, and I forgot to say this earlier, but I also play the oboe. I am in band, and I have my oboe with me, which is also my improved shortstaff. So I'm going to take out my oboe out of my body. (laughter) [laughter]
LAURA: One time at band camp--
MATT: I was going to say, it's a reverse band camp. (laughs) [laughter]
LIAM: (slide whistle noise)
ASHLEY: I'm going to baton twirl it, and I'm going to take a swing.
MATT: Go for it. Roll for that.
ASHLEY: Okay. Okay.
MARISHA: Wait, wait.
ASHLEY: Wait, wait, wait.
MARISHA: No.
ASHLEY: No, no, no.
MARISHA: I can't read her dice, man.
ASHLEY: I know, I know. I don't know why, I don't know why.
TALIESIN: Every week.
TRAVIS: Neither do we.
ASHLEY: 15 with Hope.
MATT: 15 with Hope just hits.
ASHLEY: Okay!
MATT: So take that Hope.
ASHLEY: Let me take that Hope. All right, it's 2d8. That's three, let me take two of them. Getting a little excited. Okay, okay. That's... 12 points of damage.
MATT: 12 points of damage, so that's a minor wound. It takes one hit point on that.
ASHLEY: Drop it!
MATT: It's starting to look busted apart. The twigs are breaking about. It's fairly hurt, but it's still holding on.
LIAM: Trystan crashes through a remaining window, leaping out with a Caprian Leap and lands on its back, and I am going to hoist it up by its waist so its scarecrow ass is in the air. You've been naughty! And I will start whaling on its ass with my lash.
MATT: Go for it.
LIAM: Okay.
MATT: (laughs)
LIAM: That is-- Six and nine is 15. Plus four--
ASHLEY: (mocking) Oh, you can't read your dice?
LIAM: That's a 19 with-- [laughter]
LIAM: What did you say?
ASHLEY: Can't read your dice?
LIAM: I never criticize you! Yes, I do. That's a 19 with Fear.
MATT: I'll take that Fear.
LIAM: But it hits, so I will also-- I will donkey kick him in the back of the head after I beat his ass.
MATT: All right, so roll the damage on the first strike.
LIAM: Yeah, so that is-- That's a nine damage for the ass beating, and then another six for me kicking him in the back of the head.
MATT: All right, so that's one hit point each for both hits because those were--
LIAM: Two separates.
MATT: -- just above its minor threshold.
LIAM: Okay.
MATT: Or just at that threshold.
TRAVIS: What's the donkey kick sound like?
MATT: So it's looking--
LIAM: Huh?
TRAVIS: What's the donkey kick sound like?
LIAM: Heehaw! [laughter]
LIAM: Heehaw!
MARISHA: (laughs)
MATT: You kick it hard with your donkey kick, and it does impact damage, but what happens is your feet end up kicking into its body, breaking the outer twigs. It's going to use its Vengeful Spirit on you to try and strike you back.
LIAM: Burns, burns, burns!
MATT: That's going to be a 10 to hit you. What's your evasion?
LIAM: It's a 10.
MATT: It just hits you.
LAURA: Ugh.
MATT: So with that, as your feet kick through it. That is going to be, ooh, 19 points of physical damage. As your legs actually get stuck inside of its burning interior and you're now partially into it. You pull your legs free, but as you do, your hooves and the bottom part of your legs are now burned pretty heavily.
LIAM: Okay, so that breaks through minor damage, which is one hit point, but I've got all of that thick fur on my legs, so I will mark off an armor, and I--
MATT: If it goes past your minor, then it would be two hit points.
LIAM: Two?
MATT: Yeah.
LIAM: Okay, so then that burns my beautiful calves, but I'm okay and I dance out.
MATT: Okay.
LIAM: One hit point.
MATT: One hit point, you got it. All right. With that, because it was with Fear, it's going to take its turn. It's going to immediately, after you finally kick out and pull back, it's going to lob an ember at you, so it's going to mark a stress and come right back at you with a 12 to hit.
LIAM: Somebody's getting coal!
SAM and LAURA: (laugh)
MATT: Does hit you for, here we go, that's going to be-- Oh, that's not too bad. It's going to be eight points of magic damage on you as it reaches into the area you just kicked out and pulls out this burning, coal-like ember and chucks it at you. It splashes against you and burns and singes the edges of your shoulder there.
LIAM: So that is a minor damage, because it's under--
MATT: Another hit point, yeah.
LIAM: Okay, so I will, the last of the fur on my legs burns away, and you can see my bare calves, and I'll mark another armor.
MATT: You got it. All right, it's back to your go.
SAM: Oh my god, we've got to get this thing! I'm going to run up to it, screaming, and grab it by its sticks.
LIAM: Get it, Ginsburg!
SAM: And cast Rune Circle. I'm going to remember what my sister did earlier, and I'm going to throw a tantrum.
LAURA: Okay, okay, okay!
SAM: (whining) Let her go! I'm going to have a mini tantrum and cast Rune Circle, trying to knock it away from us.
MATT: Okay, roll your spellcasting.
SAM: Okay. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. 16 with-- No, 19 with Hope.
MATT: 19 with Hope. That succeeds.
LAURA: Yes!
MATT: Take that Hope.
SAM: Okay.
MATT: So the Rune Circle blasts it--
SAM: It's 2d12 plus four. Which is 21 magic damage.
LAURA: Whoa!
SAM: And it is knocked back to very close range.
MATT: How do you want to do this? (cheering) [cheering]
SAM: I want to grab Bethany's hands and a force, a force wave emanates out of me, but it only affects the enemy. So the enemy that's surrounding Bethany gets blown back, but I still keep holding onto her weird light hands, looking in her eyes with all of the just normal, familiar, familial love that I have for her.
MATT: Perfect.
LIAM: (laughs)
MATT: As you focus, this wave of arcane energy blasts out from you, and you watch as this hulking wicker man of a flaming scarecrow gets scattered into 400 different piles of kindling and sticks that all dissipate off into the shadow of the street, spreading off into the snow and the nearby bits of sidewalk.
SAM: Nobody messes with the Blake family! Nobody!
LAURA: Well, okay. I'm still not comfortable with that part of it. But that was a really good tantrum.
SAM: Good. I learned from the best. [laughter]
ASHLEY: I'm going to grab--
LAURA: Thanks.
ASHLEY: -- a piece of Hans.
SAM: No!
ASHLEY: Hold on a minute! I'm going to take a piece, and I want to put it in the box.
MATT: Okay.
ASHLEY: I don't know why.
SAM: (wheezing laugh) [laughter]
MATT: Sure, yeah. Let's do it.
ASHLEY: I just figure maybe separate some of the pieces.
SAM: So you're going to put the monster in a box in yourself?
ASHLEY: Yeah.
SAM: Cool.
TRAVIS: Put it in your box!
LAURA: Yeah, put the monster in your box.
ASHLEY: Okay!
SAM: Then shove it right in. (laughter) [laughter]
TRAVIS: Put it in your frigid box. (laughter) [laughter]
ASHLEY: Whoa, that feels weird.
LIAM: It could get hot in there. (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: All right. So now that Hans has been scattered--
LIAM: This is a weird alt version--
MATT: -- the clock continues.
LAURA: It starts again?
LIAM: -- of "Frozen." [laughter]
LAURA: We got to move!
SAM: Let's move.
LAURA: Did any of those books say anything about a scarecrow burning creature?
MATT: Actually, one of you, right before it re-formed, it was almost an odd moment where as you're looking over the story about this Hans Trapp entity. Once a historical figure, a very wealthy knight of actual history, the folklore says that he spent all of his money wining and dining, and on women and the luxury life. Then eventually made a deal with the devil for all these ill-gained riches, which then led to cannibalism, and began to eat the flesh of other folk in the neighborhood.
ASHLEY: Yikes!
MATT: Began to dress up like a massive scarecrow and began to go out and hunt people to eat their flesh.
ASHLEY: What a weirdo!
MATT: Then one day, God went, "Nuh-uh, that's not good," and struck him with a bolt of lightning that split his head with flames. But he persisted, and thus continued to hunt in the Christmastime looking for naughty children to destroy and devour.
LAURA: What?
MATT: Germany. [laughter]
LIAM: Germany, let's talk.
TALIESIN: I feel like we skipped some steps there, but okay.
LAURA: Wait, wait. Does the tale say how to destroy him?
MATT: It says that his presence is only around the Spirit of the Holidays.
LAURA: Oh.
TALIESIN: Get rid of her.
LAURA: We've got to get rid of her to get rid of him. Okay.
TALIESIN: Got to kill the source.
LIAM: That's just science.
LAURA: Okay.
ASHLEY: Okay.
MARISHA: Did we learn anything about the Spirit of Christmas? Christmas Cheer? Holiday Cheer? Whatever?
MATT: Holiday Cheer, what you know is, it doesn't speak of an entity, but it speaks of a presence. It is the coming of the holiday that brings these creatures out, and it's the closing of the holiday that sends them away. So you gather, through the lines, as the somewhat truncated narrative of these graphic novels that glosses over a lot of the unnecessary details, that likely, this entity is what brings these creatures to bear, and should it be sealed, you would probably put these creatures into a similar sealed state.
TRAVIS: Yeah, we've got to put it in her frigid, slushy box. That's what we've got to do.
LAURA: We've just got to get her in her box.
ASHLEY: I'm ready for it. I'm waiting. I'm open for it. [laughter]
TRAVIS: Let's go!
MARISHA: Any other useful information--
TALIESIN: I love you all so much.
MARISHA: -- about how to capture her?
MATT: Not in a graphic novel.
TRAVIS: (laughs)
MARISHA: (groans)
LIAM: (laughs)
SAM: All right, let's go to the arcade.
LIAM: I found a really cool "X-Men" run.
LAURA: (chuckles)
MARISHA: (laughs)
MATT: (chuckles) As you go head over to the arcade, which is now completely surrounded with this heavy briar of twisting holly branch, you begin to approach the front before-- (shattering glass) The front door shatters and a glowing blue light, giggling, vanishes out the front.
LAURA: Catch it! Catch it!
MATT: You can see now, it seems like it's finished its business at the arcade, and you can hear the lumbering and creaking of something within as it begins to dart now in a somewhat southward direction.
TRAVIS: Forget the arcade, we've got to go after it!
MARISHA: I agree.
SAM: I'm going to try to grab her.
MATT: With?
SAM: I'm going to cast Mystic Tether.
TRAVIS: (curious grunt)
MATT: Okay.
ASHLEY: Ooh!
MARISHA: Yes!
SAM: It's far range.
TALIESIN: Ooh!
MATT: Okay.
SAM: Spellcast roll plus three.
TALIESIN: Can you-- Oh, never mind.
SAM: Oh, okay. It's a 19 with Hope.
TALIESIN: Never mind.
MATT: A 19 with Hope?
SAM: Yes.
MATT: That succeeds. (cheering) [cheering]
SAM: Okay. On a success, they are restrained, and if they are a flying creature, they are grounded.
MATT: So as the--
LAURA: Ooh!
SAM: And they mark a stress.
MATT: Ooh, good to know. So as the Spirit of Holiday Cheer goes, "(childlike giggles)," darting out of the arcade-- [laughter]
SAM: Hold it right there!
MATT: Describe what your tether looks like.
SAM: Because I'm a Grinch, (laughs) my arm sort of elongates and reaches out like a slithery snake and grabs her and smashes her to the ground.
MATT: "(giggles) (yelps)" (thuds) (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: "Ow."
SAM: (laughs) [laughter]
MATT: "Why would you do that, my children?"
ASHLEY: I'm going to take out the box.
TRAVIS: We immediately run and try and pounce, try and seize the moment.
LAURA: Yeah!
MATT: Very well. I'm going to ahead and use a Fear immediately as you all begin to charge towards her. She's going to cast Twist Terrain. She's going to mark a stress.
TRAVIS: What? I want to Twist Terrain!
ASHLEY: Wait!
MATT: The ground around her suddenly begins to crack. All the cement seems to break apart as you watch as vines and trees begin to emerge around there. There is now a barrier between the spirit and you.
TRAVIS: Damn.
LAURA: No!
SAM: Tanner!
MARISHA: Can I use-- Oh. Were you--
SAM: You can do whatever. I was going to say, Tanner, why don't you smoke her out with weed? [laughter]
MARISHA: That's not a terrible idea. We should multitask. We'll put a pin in that one.
SAM: Okay.
MARISHA: Can I use Deft Maneuvers? I pull out my sled.
SAM: Ooh.
MATT: Sure.
MARISHA: I can mark a stress to immediately get anywhere within far range without making an agility roll.
MATT: Sure. I'll say make an agility roll to at least get around the wall, but you don't have to roll it for the distance, or you'd have to roll twice to get there.
MARISHA: Can I use Gnarly Kickflip, Brah to-- [laughter]
SAM: Is that an experience?
MARISHA: Yes, it is.
TALIESIN: Yeah. (laughter)
MARISHA: -- to take my sled and grind along the wall?
MATT: Yes, you can. Absolutely. Spend that Hope and get that bonus.
MARISHA: All right. [scattered cheering]
MARISHA: Yeah, yeah. I'm going to spend that Hope, get that bonus. 10, 11, 12, 13, 14?
MATT: 14? That succeeds for that because you're not against a creature, this is you going against the wall. So yeah, indeed, you rush along the side, leap, and then grind on the outside of this rising forest wall.
SAM: Whoa! Gnarly!
MATT: Full on, we're talking Tarzan style, riding along the branch as you do on your sled.
MARISHA: Yeah!
MATT: Before breaking through and landing. You are now right next to the spirit. Which I'm going to spend a Fear immediately, and it's going to attempt to Darkly Smile at you.
LAURA: Oh.
MATT: That's a nine. What's your Evasion? Oh, very high, if I recall.
MARISHA: Very high. 15.
MATT: So it smiles at you darkly, and you are unaffected by it. Your deer skull is unpleased. (laughter) [laughter]
TALIESIN: She's seen shit. She's been to Germany.
MARISHA: Okay, great. [laughter] (laughs) Yeah, correct! Shit, I'm here. Now what do I do? I want to get her down!
MATT: Tanner, do you have anything to do?
TRAVIS: Yeah, while she was doing that, I took out my main stash of weed. I took out a big handful of it. I pulled one of the jingle balls off of my harness and I pried open one of the little corners, shoved a bunch of weed in there, closed it, took out my Bic lighter that I also hold in my waistband, blow it into a red, glowing ember, and go: (inhales) Yeah, that's good shit! And throw it. (laughter) [laughter] Have it (jingling bounces) at her feet with a little bit of-- (laughs)
MATT: Okay, so you're lobbing it over the tree barrier?
TRAVIS: Yeah.
MATT: Let's go for it.
TRAVIS: Like a little weed grenade. (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: I love it. I love it. Because this is trying to get it over and to land near her, I'll make this a finesse roll.
TRAVIS: Yeah, I got that. No, I don't. (laughter) [laughter]
TRAVIS: Oh, that's not bad, actually. It's a 16 with Hope.
SAM: Oh, that's good!
MATT: 16 with Hope. So you gain Hope. However, that is not enough to strike the spirit.
TRAVIS: Balls!
LAURA: Wait, don't you have a d6?
MATT: The spirit is a tiny and quick--
SAM: Use your rally dice!
TRAVIS: Oh, I got a d6 rally die! Five! 21!
LAURA: Yeah!
SAM: Ooh!
MATT: 21 is a success.
ASHLEY, LIAM, and MARISHA: Yes! [cheering]
MATT: That'll do it. [cheering]
TRAVIS: Thanks, rally die! You're the best! [laughter]
MATT: As your makeshift rapid jingle bell weed grenade-- [laughter] -- careens over the growing wall of dark German forest wood, it strikes the ground, and (releasing smoke). As you land on the other side, looking at the spirit that smiles, all of a sudden, it's like, "(giggling) (hacking coughs)" [laughter] The smoke billows around it before the spirit pulls back a bit. "(hacking cough) "Whoa!" (laughter) [laughter]
SAM: Wow.
ASHLEY: Whoa!
TRAVIS: Oh, what fun it is, am I right?
SAM: Christmas is such a great holiday.
MATT: I'm going to say the Spirit of Holiday Cheer is vulnerable for the time being. (cheering) [cheering] It's still your guys' go at the moment. I will not jump in there yet with Fear. Actually, you know what? No, I'm going to do that. Never mind, I take that back.
MARISHA and LAURA: Aw.
MATT: (evil laugh)
LIAM: Aw.
MATT: Because I can. Because you've started this. All right, I'm going to spend that Fear, and it's going to Smile Darkly at you again, but it's more of a (snickering) smile.
TALIESIN: That's worse.
MATT: That's going to be an 18.
MARISHA: Ooh, that hits.
MATT: That hits you? So you take one stress from the smile.
MARISHA: (coughs) (chuckles) (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: It's going to begin flying, continue to fly south, away from you.
LAURA: No! Can I fly up and over the wall?
LIAM: Through a wall?
MATT: There's a forest that's been growing over the way. It's starting to get pretty tall. You can either try and go around it--
LIAM: Can I leap it as Krampus?
MATT: If you'd like to.
LIAM: Yeah!
MATT: All right. It is over a close distance to get there, so it will be an agility roll to get around it.
LIAM: "You can leap anywhere within close range as though you're using normal movement." That's terrible, guys. That's terrible.
LAURA: (laughs)
LIAM: That is agility?
MATT: Yeah.
LIAM: Oh my god, that's five with Hope.
MATT: Well, you take a Hope.
LIAM: Yay!
SAM: Need more stage combat.
LAURA: Yeah.
LIAM: (laughs)
MATT: But the play does return to me. From there, the Spirit of Holiday Cheer continues to dart away as fast as it can.
LAURA: No!
SAM: Which way, which way?
MARISHA: I want to use my--
MATT: It's zigzagging a little bit.
LIAM: (laughs)
MATT: It's wandering a bit strange. It remains in a vulnerable state.
MARISHA: -- use my slingshot! I did a whole cool maneuver to get up close!
MATT: Take a slingshot. Go for it.
MARISHA: All right, all right. Dang it!
LIAM: Use that wrist rocket!
MARISHA: I'm going to-- I'm also a little high now.
LAURA: (laughs)
MARISHA: But I work good under pressure. I'm going to focus and fire.
MATT: Go for it.
MARISHA: That's really good. That's really good. [laughter]
MARISHA: Okay. That's going to be 21 plus my agility, so 24 with Fear.
MATT: That's a success.
MARISHA: Then I want to use Ruthless Predator to mark a stress and add a bonus to my proficiency here.
MATT: Okay, so you're rolling an additional damage die on this. Ooh, nice!
MARISHA: Uh-huh.
MATT: All right, let's go.
MARISHA: I'm also going to spend a Hope to use my Ranger's Focus and put focus on her.
MATT: Okay!
SAM: Whoa.
MARISHA: Wait, that's my hit points. That's not my Hope. [laughter]
MATT: (chuckles)
MARISHA: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
MATT: For now.
MARISHA: Okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay, this is going to be-- I'm so stressed. Okay, this is going to be 3d8.
TRAVIS: You shouldn't be, that thing is just smoking over there in the corner.
MARISHA: (laughs) [laughter]
TRAVIS: Should be pretty chill.
MARISHA: I'm getting a little paranoid!
TRAVIS: Chill vibes.
SAM: The cops are right behind us!
MARISHA: Ooh!
MATT: Your mom's here to pick you up, quick!
ASHLEY: Yeah. Yeah.
MARISHA: I'm going to use my rally die to add to this.
LIAM: Dylan, your dad's here.
MARISHA: Okay. It's, all right, four, eight, 12, 14--
MATT: Rally die adds to your attack and reaction rolls, not damage.
MARISHA: Oh, okay. Okay. Not damage. Okay, sorry. Then that's going to be 12 plus six.
TRAVIS: 18.
MARISHA: 18, thank you.
LAURA: (laughs)
MATT: 18? That is beyond its major threshold. That's two hit points on the Spirit of Holiday Cheer.
SAM: Nice!
LAURA: Yay!
MATT: You strike it from afar.
ASHLEY: Ooh! Nice!
MATT: Release, and you watch, and the rest of you, who are rushing around the wall to try and get a good visual on it, you leaping up and getting caught on the wall, and the trees are growing, and you're holding onto it. You glance over and watch it zigging away. You watch as the ground is freezing beneath it and the ice is reaching outward as it does. It-- (poof) This flash of blue as it (winding trail).
LAURA: It keeps going? [laughter]
MATT: Then continues darting off in a southward direction.
MARISHA: With my Ranger's Focus, when I damage them, they have to mark a stress.
MATT: Ooh, yeah.
MARISHA: I now know precisely where they are at all times.
SAM: Whoa!
TALIESIN: Whoa.
ASHLEY: Yes!
LAURA: That's awesome.
MARISHA: What direction they're in.
MATT: That's great.
MARISHA: Yes.
MATT: So because you rolled with Fear, it does come to my go after that.
MARISHA: Yes.
MATT: Which means the Spirit of Holiday Cheer is now beelining, and it's now three movements beyond there. It can move pretty quick. So it is now pretty much beyond the range of any of your attacks, and is about to clear your visual range at this point.
LIAM: We can see her for a split second?
MATT: For a split second, yeah.
LIAM: Not knowing how or why, I open a line of telepathic connection with the Spirit of Christmas [laughter] just as she blinks out. I have to spend a Hope to do it, which I do. I think: We are going to punish you, German style!
MATT: (laughs) [cheering]
LIAM: Bing! But I think that holds, right? Does the telepathy hold?
MATT: Yeah, it holds. Yeah. You keep your mind on it. As it vanishes from sight, you do see and notice very directly the direction that it's traveling and where it's settling, which is in the direction of the Springvale Springs High School.
LAURA: (gasps) The high school!
SAM: Our high school!
LAURA: Principal MaGee's going to be so pissed!
ASHLEY: I'm just going to say, I feel really relaxed right now, but also, this isn't so bad. What if we just stayed this way?
LIAM: I mean, she's got a point.
LAURA: I have no hands.
SAM: You will melt at some point.
ASHLEY: That's right!
TALIESIN: Won't we all? [laughter]
LIAM: Not if it's always Christmas.
ASHLEY: That's a good point!
TALIESIN: What's happening to my job? I'm going to very slowly turn around and see what's happening to the video arcade behind me that I need to be okay, because that's where I get my money.
MATT: Okay, well, you glance back and look at it. Beyond the fact that the exterior was completely encased in a massive tangle of dark German forest wood and writhing branches and root, the normal flashing interior glow of the arcade is quite dull as many of the machines have also been consumed and destroyed by the extent of the--
SAM: Aw.
MATT: -- You guys took a short rest, reading some books--
ASHLEY: Oh no!
MATT: In the interim, the arcade has been demolished. But you see movement from the inside as something that was summoned by the spirit--
TRAVIS: Nope!
MATT: -- is currently trying to claw its way from the inside of the arcade.
TRAVIS: No, we should not stay here!
LAURA: Should we barricade the outside of the arcade?
MATT: Do you want to take the time?
LAURA: Trap it in there?
MATT: You can.
TRAVIS: No, we don't want to take the time! Let's just keep going!
LAURA: Oh god! Okay!
MATT: Up to you all.
LIAM: Yeah! Trash! Let's push some cars into the front of the store!
SAM: Whoa, you can do that?
TRAVIS: Cars?
LIAM: We're huge!
TALIESIN: If we're running, then that's fine, and I'm going to, not even knowing what I'm doing, I'm going to cast Veil of Shadows.
MATT: Okay.
TALIESIN: I'm going to sweep my arm angrily at the store, and this living shadow is going to come up from the front of the store and blanket it in darkness.
TRAVIS: Ooh!
MATT: Okay.
TALIESIN: Whatever's inside can no longer see out.
SAM: Okay.
LAURA: Ooh!
TALIESIN: But if it comes out, I can see through it, but only me.
MATT: Fair, and the two of you are going to try and push a car up in front of it?
LIAM: Yeah, I get down on all fours and start kicking backward against a Volkswagen.
MATT: Yeah, it's an old beater that probably belonged to one of the night shifts in one of the nearby buildings there, but you start kicking into the back of it.
TRAVIS: I don't help, I just bang my cymbals above his head.
MATT: All right. (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: Okay, so you make a strength roll for that.
LAURA: I'm going to try to help, too. Can I help him?
MATT: If you want to spend a Hope to help an ally.
LAURA: Yeah, I want to--
TALIESIN: I just rolled. I don't think Veil of Shadows worked.
LAURA: I think I'm stronger than I look.
MATT: Okay.
TALIESIN: Yeah, never mind.
LIAM: I believe it.
LAURA: Yeah.
MATT: Okay, first off, did you roll with Hope or Fear?
TALIESIN: Oh, me? Hope.
MATT: Hope? Okay, so you get Hope on that.
LIAM: I got a 13 with Hope.
MATT: Okay, take that Hope.
LAURA: Am I rolling, too, or--
MATT: No, you spent a Hope--
SAM: To help.
MATT: --to give him an aid. So you add a d6 to that.
LIAM: That's a 19 with Hope.
MATT: That'll do it.
SAM: Whoa, that's great.
MATT: So one heavy donkey kick, crack! The car dents in on its side and skids off and slams into the front. The exterior boundary of the forest curls over it, and it seems to be a pretty heavy barrier to the front as you hear the impact of something banging from the inside of the arcade, now trying to push out, but unable to break free this moment.
LIAM: Oh man.
LAURA: We've got to get to the high school.
SAM: Okay.
LIAM: This is crazy. I'm sorry I've been ghosting you in the cafeteria for a week. I got caught up with my friends in the drama department and that was wrong. I've been naughty. I'm ready to be nice.
SAM: Are you guys together?
LIAM and LAURA: No!
ASHLEY: No, I'm pretty sure that they've been hanging out and doing some heavy petting.
LAURA and TALIESIN: What? [laughter]
SAM: Is that true?
LAURA: Listen, maybe if his abs looked like that all the time.
LIAM: Which is what I'm saying! Do we really need to change anything?
LAURA: I have no vagina!
SAM: (laughs) [laughter]
TALIESIN: How can you even check? You have no hands!
ASHLEY: I mean--
SAM: I can check!
ASHLEY: There's no hole. [laughter]
LAURA: Can we just go?
LIAM: You look like an upside-down cup. (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: This was a mistake. (laughter) [laughter]
TALIESIN: We know. We knew from the beginning. (laughter) [laughter] Oh man.
MATT: So with the arcade temporarily secured, are you heading towards the high school?
LAURA: Yes!
MARISHA: Yes!
MATT: Very well.
LAURA: Riley, didn't you ever hear any stories while you were in Berlin about some creepy holiday spirit?
MARISHA: I mean, everything in Germany is a little creepy, you know? I don't know! Yes, but that's why we looked at all the comic books. Do I remember anything?
LAURA: Don't you have an experience?
MARISHA: Yes, it's I Spent Time Overseas, and I've used it three times--
MATT: Right.
MARISHA: -- and nothing has helped.
ASHLEY: Wait a minute!
MATT: Make a knowledge roll, please, and you can spend a Hope to add your experience I've Been Overseas towards it.
MARISHA: Fine! [scattered laughter]
MARISHA: Okay, well, I rolled with Hope, so I'll spend the Hope, get the Hope back. 17 with Hope.
MATT: 17. That's not bad. Nothing about the spirit specifically, but thinking back to the box, you have an inkling you need to inspect it and see if you can borrow it quickly from Gwennie.
ASHLEY: Just grab it. Just put your hand in there and grab it. (laughter) [laughter] Go for it. Go for it! That's not it! That's my oboe!
MARISHA: (screams) (laughter) [laughter]
LIAM: Oh man, you're leaking all over the place. (laughter) [laughter]
MARISHA: I got it, I got it.
ASHLEY: There it is. She got my box. (laughter) [laughter] She found it. (laughter) [laughter]
MARISHA: Hand is numb. (laughter) [laughter]
ASHLEY: I have that effect. (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: Okay!
LIAM: Oh. [laughter]
MATT: So, looking towards it, you can pick up amongst the weird runes that were there, there is very faint Germanic writing along the very baseline of it that almost looks like it matches the wood grain.
MARISHA: Yeah, I saw this.
MATT: The best you can make out with the rudimentary German that you know is that it's words that speak of emotion. Rain?
MARISHA: Rain?
LAURA: Rain?
MATT: Redemption. You're having a hard time finding out what it actually means. It had something, sort of, some emotion and water and redemption.
MARISHA: Rain.
MATT: Punishment? Water? Rain, emotion, punishment, and these words seem to have something to do with the box's intent and construction.
LAURA: Rain?
MATT: Emotion.
MARISHA: Yeah, like rain from the sky?
MATT: Maybe?
MARISHA: Rain?
LAURA: Is it in German or is it in runes?
MATT: It's in German, but it's amongst the various runes that are dark along the box.
LAURA: Can you speak, read German?
MARISHA: I can pick up the basics.
LAURA: Are there more words in German?
MARISHA: Yeah.
LAURA: Maybe we should check the German class in the high school. Maybe they would have a textbook or something.
LIAM: Mr. DiAngelo's class?
LAURA: Yeah.
LIAM: Let's go.
ASHLEY: Great idea.
LIAM: (deeply) I mean, let's go! (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: All righty.
SAM: Giuseppe DiAngelo, our German teacher.
LAURA: I mean, or maybe we should go after the spirit so it doesn't keep turning other things into monsters, I don't know!
MARISHA: Well, it's at the high school anyway.
TALIESIN: It was headed towards the high school.
LAURA: Yeah, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
MARISHA: All right, let's go. Should I put this back in your balls? [laughter]
SAM: Put the box back in the balls. [laughter]
ASHLEY: Not there, not there! There we go. That's a little better.
MATT: (laughs) [laughter]
LIAM: One ball's bigger than the other one. [laughter]
MATT: As you continue trekking towards the high school, the snowfall gets more intense, and the wind begins to pick up. The sense of a coming blizzard begins to grow with your passage, and the path carved of strange holiday mutation throughout Springvale Springs, you watch as the entire path there is these mass of fast growing trees, now icicles seeming to almost protrude from them sourcelessly, the very moisture in the air beginning to freeze throughout. You come to the exterior fence line of the actual high school perimeter, and there, where once there was a playground, you see these columns, these jagged monoliths of ice that now push through, the swings themselves torn free from the ground and hanging at an odd angle, the chains broken. You can see all manner of heavy trees climbing up the outside of the main high school building. You can see the faintest bit of light in the inside of the halls. It is Christmas Eve, and likely there's no school happening, but you get the sense that at least the spirit has taken up residence in there in some way.
ASHLEY: High school!
SAM: (laughs) [laughter]
TRAVIS: All right, Trystan. German class, let's go.
LIAM: All right, through the front door, or one of the windows?
LAURA: A window, we should just--
TALIESIN: Window.
LAURA: Right?
SAM: I mean, it knows we're coming.
LAURA: (scared huff)
SAM: Be brave, Bethany. Be a Blake.
LAURA: Just deal with it, Bethany.
SAM: Just deal with it, Bethany!
LAURA: All right, let's go through the front.
MATT: Okay. You all continue onward, hearing the (crashes) of windows, glass breaking from the inside out as you see the expanding holly bushes beginning to fill out from the inside. You come to the front doors, the two massive glass doors, that greet school in the mornings, but now you can see it probably locked from the other side and the chain affixed to it by whatever security's been set within.
LIAM: Mentally, I send out: All right, you little weirdo! We're coming in the back entrance, and we're going to fuck you up!
SAM: Nice, nice!
ASHLEY: Redirect.
LAURA: And then we break the window. or the doors?
MATT: Okay.
LAURA: Are they glass doors or are they wooden doors?
MATT: They're glass doors.
LAURA: Just break the glass.
MATT: Okay, are you willing to be the one to break it?
TRAVIS: I got it! (roars)
MATT: (laughs)
MATT: Tanner, roll for strength for me, please.
TRAVIS: Balls! 14 with Fear.
MATT: 14 with Fear's not too bad. You smash into it and it cracks, but your shoulder pops a little bit. You take a stress from the impact as you feel like you may have done a little damage to your shoulder that you're probably going to feel in the morning, but it does crack, and you figure with one additional swipe, you do manage to push through. Not a heavy, breaking the doors open, but force your way through the glass. It's a little awkward, and you scratch yourself as you push through, but you do manage to force enough room for other people to get through.
TRAVIS: (hoots) This way! (groans) [scattered laughter]
SAM: All right, are we going to German class, or are we going to go find this thing?
LAURA: All we know is it means rain? (gasps)
MARISHA: Emotions.
LAURA: Maybe if we set off the sprinklers in the school?
MARISHA: It's interesting. Redemption, emotion?
LIAM: Do we want to try to find a German-English dictionary in DiAngelo's class--
TRAVIS: Jesus, that sounds so boring.
LIAM: -- to try to translate the rest of the box?
MARISHA: We could try.
LAURA: You guys go after it. You and me, let's go to the German class. We'll meet you there.
LIAM: Okay.
LAURA: Go!
SAM: Where?
MATT: So who's going to the German class?
LIAM: I grab Bethany and stick her on my horn and start stalking down the hallway.
MATT: Okay, so the two of you are heading towards DiAngelo's class. The rest of you are?
MARISHA: Maybe we can go find the spirit.
LAURA: And distract it.
ASHLEY: Yeah.
MARISHA: All right, we'll try and get it pinned down.
MATT: Okay, fair enough.
ASHLEY: Godspeed!
MATT: So--
LAURA: Thanks, Gwen. (laughs)
SAM: Thanks, Gwennie. (laughs)
MATT: As you both begin to divide off down two different hallways, the fluorescent lights in the ceiling are flickering before one of them breaks as roots begin to push through from the ceiling and begin to gnarl down and close off part of the entryway. You dart past before they're even close to touching you, but now the hallways are growing dark. You're now stepping through pitch black. Can any of you see in the dark?
LAURA: I have light up hands.
MATT: You do have light up hands.
SAM: You're going to German class.
LAURA: Yeah.
SAM: We're going the other way.
MATT: The other troop, though.
TALIESIN: I think I might.
MARISHA: Oh, you're talking to the other troop?
MATT: Either troop, but we have answer to one.
ASHLEY: I can't see!
TALIESIN: I have, yeah, Low Light Living.
MATT: Okay.
TALIESIN: So I think I can actually--
MATT: So you can see pretty well.
TALIESIN: Yeah.
MATT: All right, so--
TALIESIN: This is my--
SAM: Oh, also, I have Prestidigitation, so I can illuminate a room.
MATT: Yeah, all right, so yes, you guys actually have light sources on both points. As you're spreading off to the different chambers, it's cold and it's quiet. Those heading to DiAngelo's chamber, you turn one corner, and you see a long beam of light sitting amongst the darkness that hits one of the far walls, leaving almost a spotlight.
LIAM: You know, I think if we live through this, you should really consider the drama department. You've shown a lot of presence tonight, and I think you could bring that to the stage.
LAURA: Thank you. Maybe we should find the German book, though. (laughter) [laughter]
LIAM: Do you speak German? (clambering footsteps)
LAURA: Nein. [laughter]
MATT: Nein.
LIAM: I'm not talking about math, I'm talking about German! (laughter) [laughter]
LAURA: What is that? Wait, what is that light? What is that light?
MATT: You approach, get closer to it. You see the light is shining on a locker, and you find the source of the light across the hall where there's a T intersection, and it looks like the edge of a flashlight that's set on the ground.
LAURA: Lighting up a certain locker?
MATT: Maybe.
LAURA: Or does it seem like a trap?
MATT: I don't know.
LAURA: Oh god.
TRAVIS: Or somebody was mugged and their flashlight fell. (yells) Go check it out!
LAURA: Okay, yeah, I'm going to fly over to the downed flashlight.
MATT: Okay.
LAURA: Avoiding the light beam.
MATT: All right, you hover above and flutter towards the T intersection. To the right, the flashlight is indeed laying on the ground, and about five or so feet from it, you see a person who is sitting slumped against the wall. At the first glance, you can see with your arm lights as you kind of, upward, you see a security guard uniform. You know Lenny Coors, he's the security guard, one of the handful of security guards for Springvale Springs High School. Looks like he was doing the evening shift of security here at the high school, and you see his face, but what you see more intensely is the trail of blood that's pouring from his jaw.
LAURA: (gasps) No!
MATT: Looking down his body, you can see across his midsection is a massive laceration. It looks like he was completely gutted from end to end. Someone had disemboweled him, and what you see emerging from that massive wound that has cut him from side to side are tufts of hay and trash.
LAURA: Oh my--
MATT: His entrails have been scattered on the ground around him.
SAM: Ugh!
LAURA: (gasps)
SAM: I miss Hanukkah. (laughter) [laughter]
LIAM: But he's just a corpse? He's not moving, or--
MATT: He's very dead.
LAURA: Oh my god! We'll avenge you!
SAM: (wheezing laugh) [laughter]
LIAM: Will we?
LAURA: I don't know! Are we in the German room?
MATT: This is on the way.
LAURA: Oh god!
MATT: But you also hear a strange creaking and scratching sound echoing down one of the far halls.
LIAM: Oh shit.
LAURA: We've got to figure it out, right? We've got to figure it out. We'll go stealthy quickly.
MATT: The classroom's a little bit further past the security guard.
LIAM: I grab the flashlight. I click it off because we've got your hands, and I stick it in my satchel.
MATT: Okay.
LIAM: I stalk forward with Bethany on one of my four horns.
LAURA: Yeah!
MATT: Towards the sound or toward the classroom?
LIAM: Towards the classroom. We're on a mission!
MATT: All right, you both approach the classroom and head to the opening door, and you hear what sounds like something rummaging, some movement of materials. You hear a desk scrape, and a grunting sound.
LAURA: What does it look--
MATT: Immediately, the overhead fluorescent light flickers, and you see two hunched, furry, humanoid creatures with massive, curled horns and pointed ears, like smaller versions of your compatriot here, of Trystan's transformed form, and they both-- (snorting) One of them begins to look over past and turns out to the other, lowly guttering under its breath. "The Frau! The Frau demands satisfaction!" They both go charging towards you both.
LIAM: Just on instinct, I light up my horns and eyes with flame and use Enrapture and shadows grow on the book walls behind me and a giant devilish Krampus form flickers on the back wall as embers burn in my eyes. "On a spellcast roll against a target within close range--" Nope, I've got one for multiple people. "All adversaries in front of you within close range--" Let me make the spellcast roll. Okay, so that's presence.
MATT: All righty.
LIAM: Shit, balls, cock! That is-- (laughs)
LAURA: (laughs)
LIAM: I'm going to use my own rally die. That is 10 plus three is 13, gets me up to 19.
SAM: Okay.
MATT: 19 succeeds on both. Roll damage.
LAURA: Yes!
LIAM: That's not damage. I have just hypnotized them.
MATT: Ooh!
LIAM: Multiple miniature hairy demons like them surround me so I look like I've got a gang, and they all have little tiny tree-toppers on one horn on the side.
MATT: They both go from rummaging, charge towards you, to a stop and a stare, and you can see, they're a little bit squatter and wider, their large eyes burning black with a little red pupil, big, sharp teeth and heavy, thick saliva. They're still burly, but they're not quite as tall and thin like you. But they're very similar in appearance. You had read some sort of a story in the graphic novels that you had gone through about something called a Straggele, which are these squat, horned, demon-like creatures. They travel in a pack. They travel in a pack around their leader, their Frau. While they're held in this place, we're going to come to the other group here. The rest of you are continuing to peruse the interior.
SAM: We're going down the hall, trying to listen for sounds, smells.
MATT: All right, who's leading the charge on searching for the spirit?
LIAM: Just peas and carrots to clean up. They all mark a stress and they are stunned in this pinprick moment.
MATT: Good to know. Over to you.
MARISHA: I'm still tracking the spirit.
SAM: Okay, yeah. Of course.
MARISHA: So--
MATT: All right. That's true. You know exactly where it is. You don't have to roll for that. Perfect. Rangers, baby. All right. Getting behind Riley, you begin to maneuver through some of the various opening classroom arrays, eventually coming past what is the G building, which is where a lot of the students would gather, and then heading the direction of the gymnasium that's affixed to the southern side of the main building, but at that point where you arrive, you can see the hallway is completely choked with trees and branches.
MARISHA: (huffs) I think the spirit is through here.
SAM: Wow, you're so cool. Rangers are so cool, in Daggerheart. (laughter) [laughter]
LAURA: Aw!
MATT: Aww.
LAURA: You're so mean.
TRAVIS: I'll take my two cymbals and I'll say: Let's clear a path. I'll start hacking away at the brambles that are in the hallway in front of us, trying to clear an opening.
MATT: Go for it. Are you trying to do damage to the brambles?
TRAVIS: Yes.
MATT: All right, go for it.
TRAVIS: That is, four, 11 and that's 15 with Hope to hit the brambles. and that's 15 with Hope to hit the brambles.
MATT: 15 with Hope? That succeeds, roll damage.
TRAVIS: Amazing. ♪ Plus six ♪ ♪ That was worse, nine ♪ That is 14 points of damáge.
MATT: 14 points. All right, so you tear through a big section of it and you watch as it breaks away. I'm going to spend a Fear as the remaining grasping holly around you begins to reach out and tear towards you to try pull you into it from the shadows. So I need you to make an agility reaction roll for me, please.
TRAVIS: You got it. Agility, plus two. Oh, that sucks! Oh, that's nine with Fear.
MATT: That's a fail. You immediately suffer six points of physical damage and you are restrained and vulnerable as the holly's pulling Tanner into the actual brush--
ASHLEY: Wait!
MATT: -- he's broken through.
ASHLEY: I'm going to talk to the holly and the brambles with Nature's Tongue, which is an ability that I have and I can talk to plants.
MATT: You can indeed do that. (laughs)
TRAVIS: Get to talking.
ASHLEY: Okay.
TRAVIS: I'm restrainededed!
ASHLEY: All right, I'm going to make a saving throw. Okay. (babbles) All right. (laughs) Okay.
MARISHA: So close.
ASHLEY: Okay. I know, it was so close to a crit. That is a 18 with Fear.
MATT: Okay, 18 with Fear. I'll take the Fear on that. All right, so you begin to speak towards it. You magically all of a sudden feel like you can connect and understand the (laughs) nearby flora. What is it you want to speak to?
ASHLEY: Hey! Brambles in the holly berry, I don't know why I'm talking to them.
MARISHA: You got this.
ASHLEY: Can you understand me?
MATT: You hear a series of strange, almost childlike voices almost singing in unison around you, kind of--
TRAVIS: Nope.
MATT: Going.
TRAVIS: Nope.
ASHLEY: That's nice.
TRAVIS: Kill it with fire. [laughter]
MATT: It's almost like you can hear all of the growth in here.
ASHLEY: I hear them all.
MATT: It's happy and jolly with the spirit and it wants to grow and consume.
TRAVIS: Oh my god.
ASHLEY: All right. [laughter]
ASHLEY: C-c-can you let my friend go, please?
MATT: Go ahead.
ASHLEY: We're trying to walk through you. [laughter]
MATT: Make a presence roll for me, please.
TRAVIS: I'll assist. I'll burn a Hope and assist her.
MATT: All right, so you have advantage on that.
TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, we're trying to move through. ♪ We're trying to make things ♪ better for you and me ♪
MATT: Add a d6 to this.
ASHLEY: Oh, okay. Okay.
SAM: You're having a holly jolly Christmas.
ASHLEY: That's 16 with Hope.
MATT: 16 with Hope. You take a Hope.
SAM: Hey, hey, hey.
MATT: (laughs) [laughter]
MATT: The song continues for a moment. [ethereal singing]
ASHLEY: How beautiful.
LAURA: (gasps) Oh! You creeps, what?
LIAM: (laughs) [laughter]
TRAVIS: That wasn't fucked up at all. [laughter]
MATT: As it begins to peal into your mind, the words leave your mouth and it seems like it pulls away for you and it leaves an opening for you and your friends, but they do not let go of Tanner.
LAURA: (frustrated groan)
SAM: I'll get you out. Fireball.
TRAVIS: (yelps) [laughter]
LAURA: Yes.
MATT: Let's go. (laughs)
TRAVIS: Fucking Ginsburg!
SAM: Not great, not great. It's a nine with Fear.
LAURA: Ugh.
SAM: Oh, wait, 12 with Fear. 12 with Fear. Yes.
MATT: 12 with Fear. Okay. That actually is enough for the difficulty. Just barely. (laughs) All right, so. (laughs)
SAM: So I'm going to roll 2d20 for damage.
MATT: Let's go.
ASHLEY: Whoa!
SAM: Yeah, plus five. So 21 points of fire.
TALIESIN and ASHLEY: Oh!
MATT: So as this--
ASHLEY: It's okay. It's all right.
SAM: Get out of there, Tanner!
MATT: (explosion)
TALIESIN, ASHLEY, and MARISHA: (scream)
MATT: (laughs) Everything is now screaming in your mind. All the trees and the holly. All the nature around you is just screaming as it burns and withers and crumbles and it cinders.
SAM: (evil villain laughter) [laughter]
ASHLEY: Oh!
MATT: Tanner is released and you are sat down on the ground as the flames begin to curl and burn into the gymnasium itself, which is now a choked, dense, deep, dark German nightmare forest, flames now beginning to slowly burn and trail within.
SAM: Did Tanner take any damage?
TRAVIS: Fuck yeah. I'm going to use my Bone ability, Brace, to burn an armor slot using an additional Hope, because fucking shit, that was hot!
MATT: (laughs) [laughter]
LIAM: Damn, way to light the menorah, Ralph. (laughs) [laughter]
SAM: It's a miracle! (laughter)
MATT: So as you all begin to slowly trek into the gymnasium towards what awaits you in this space that you know to be the spirit, its presence not far from where you stand, the two of you now are up there in the room. You watch these Straggele stand there, staring off into space, these weird illusionary versions of themselves.
LAURA: I want to fly in over them and avoid them, and grab a textbook and any other books that seem German-y on the desk.
MATT: Easy enough to do. You grab all manner of dictionaries and various instructional booklets of, you know, there's German I, German II, German III, Advanced AP German. You can grab a whole chunk of those if you want.
LAURA: Yeah, German Christmas stories.
SAM: Sure.
MATT: Sure.
LAURA: Sweet.
MATT: So you find one there. Yeah. You grab them up real fast. How long does that last?
LIAM: Well, I don't know, but as soon as I cast it, the next thing I do while Bethany is checking the shelves, I will say: You have new orders. You're meant to protect the perimeter of the school. Go! I will try to deceive them or persuade.
MATT: Okay. All right. So roll a presence check for me.
LIAM: Yeah. I can spend a Hope to add a d4 to the roll and I do it at advantage to deceive or trick for Deft Deceiver. So it's at advantage and I add a d4, so a d4 and a d6, if I'm understanding that correctly.
MATT: Mm-hmm.
LIAM: All right. (thinking noises) (huffs) Terrible. Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12 with Hope.
MATT: Well, you gain a Hope. That's the good news, yeah. (laughs) [laughter]
LIAM: (frustrated groan)
MATT: But both of the entities look over at you and go, "The Frau needs to judge, (growls)" and they both break free from their current element there and rush towards you. Both of them are going to take a strike at you and I'm going to spend a Fear to do a group attack, because they are both minions.
LAURA: Oh no!
MATT: As that-- That is going to be a natural one. Okay. So they miss you very intensely as they go (thud) skid across the ground, face first (scrapes) across the wood. What are you both doing?
LAURA: I'm going to, yeah. We want to get away if we can.
LIAM: You want to run?
LAURA: I think we should just run.
MATT: All right.
LIAM: I grab her out of the air. (poofs) (growls)
MATT: You both go fleeing back to where you came from?
LIAM: Yeah.
LAURA: Yeah.
MATT: Okay. You both go charging back, follow it back, hopefully to find out where your friends were going and corner off. Suddenly you hear a massive (explosion)
TRAVIS: (screams)
MATT: -- this massive explosion and detonation--
TRAVIS: (screams)
MATT: -- and a scream in the distance. (laughs)
TRAVIS: (screams)
LAURA: That sounds like Tanner.
MARISHA: (laughs)
TRAVIS: (high-pitched) Oh, my weed! (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: You go rushing to try and catch up with them while the rest of you have stepped inside this massive forest. You can see the faint blue glow drifting in the air and you hear chattering conversation.
MARISHA: Can I understand it?
MATT: It is in German. Make a knowledge roll for me, if you'd like.
MARISHA: (huffs)
TRAVIS: You burned up all my Anakin Skywalker. (laughs) [laughter]
MARISHA: I will once again use Spent Time Overseas.
LAURA: You really should've, like, studied the language while you were there more.
MARISHA: I was on an American army base. What do you want from me?
TALIESIN: Effort?
TRAVIS: Better? (laughter)
MARISHA: I didn't even want to be here tonight. You guys suck. All right. 16 with Fear.
MATT: 16 with Fear. I'll take that Fear. Okay. So as you are trying to listen in, you hear two voices here. You hear the spirit speaking in German and the best you can make out are broken bits of, "Do not worry. Some are to come, and many more throughout the city and beyond." The other voice goes, (gruffly) "Good. (huffs) I long for more. Bring them to us."
MARISHA: Oh. Oh no. This might be a trap.
ASHLEY: Shoot.
MARISHA: Not a von Trapp. (gasps) What if it's the von Trapps?
SAM: Oh!
ASHLEY: Oh my gosh.
MARISHA: What if this whole thing--
SAM: Is Waterfall Falls?
MARISHA: -- is Waterfall Falls? This is because of Homecoming, isn't it, when we fucking stomped their asses?!
TALIESIN: 12 days of Christmas. 12 von Trapps, my god.
MATT: At this point, both Trystan and Bethany catch up to your troop.
LAURA: We found German books!
TALIESIN: We found the von Trapps.
LIAM: Can you read this?
MARISHA: Let me try.
LAURA: Could compare it. Find the words on the box.
MATT: (growls)
MARISHA: Okay, okay, okay.
MATT: You hear a sound. (sniffs)
MARISHA: Sure, sure, there's two of them. There's two of them.
MATT: You hear in German, "I smell children."
MARISHA: Oh, what?
MARISHA: Ah, there you--
TRAVIS: ♪ Edelweiss ♪
LAURA: They smell you, Gwennie. (laughs)
LIAM: "Kinder!"
ASHLEY: Oh.
MARISHA: All right. All right. They're coming for us. I think we should hide while we try and read real quick.
LAURA: Hide in the trees?
MARISHA: I don't know.
LAURA: Okay.
MATT: All right, let's make a group stealth attempt here. Who's leading this charge?
SAM: I'm going to cast Mysterious Mist around us, concealing us.
MATT: Okay, indeed. (whooshes) This mist apparates from around you.
LIAM: Still.
SAM: I beat it.
MATT: Oh, you very much beat it. Was that with Hope or Fear?
SAM: With Hope, 21.
MATT: Take a Hope. As you all feel this mist surrounding and encompass this space, you also hear, "(growls) What is this?" You hear this creepy scratching sound and the voice in German once more goes, "Fan out. Find them!"
MARISHA: (whispers) They're looking for us!
MATT: You hear now multiple feet moving and other small guttural (growls).
MARISHA: They want children.
MATT: (growls)
ASHLEY: Technically, we're not children anymore.
MATT: On the outskirts of the mist.
SAM: Yeah, that's true. I had a bar mitzvah. I'm a man now. [laughter]
ASHLEY: All right.
SAM: Yeah, so I'm fine.
MATT: Who's searching the book? [laughter]
MARISHA: I guess I will.
LIAM: Plus, Tanner's 22. (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: With the book, as you're looking through it and it takes a minute to do so, to read through and match the words on the box that you recall with what you find. It wasn't rain, it was tears.
SAM: (gasps)
MATT: The box needs tears to be activated. It needs to absorb the emotion of the punished children to close the loop on the spirit's intent.
SAM: Wait a second. How are we going to feel emotions? It's like someone would need to--
LAURA: You're a fucking loser! [laughter, cheering]
LAURA: You're a loser. I can't stand you. I can't stand your stupid mom. She doesn't deserve to be with my dad.
LIAM: (laughs) [laughter]
MARISHA: Riley sees what's happening and starts slowly, yeah, we start moving the box under the tears.
LAURA: Your breath smells bad. Your feet are small, and-- (laughs) [laughter]
LAURA: -- and I've always thought you were a dork.
SAM: I mean, I was hoping that Trystan was going to read us a dramatic monologue, but-- [laughter] -- but that's way worse! (sobs)
MATT: Dark shadows of strange Straggele creatures are crawling through the branches and starting to get close, and you--
ASHLEY: Cry harder!
SAM: I can't! I'm trying!
LAURA: I slap him across the face.
SAM: (yelps)
LAURA: Oh, with my candlestick. (laughter)
SAM: Do we ever, do we have a chance?
TRAVIS: Yeah.
LAURA: No!
SAM: (scream sobs) [laughter]
MATT: The tears begin to flow at about the time a voice goes, "Ah, there they are." The branches curl back and you watch as this hulking hag-type shape steps out of the shadow. You see a crone-like woman, tall, maybe 10 feet to the shoulder, with this massive shawl around her face where her nose is, a crooked iron nose replaces it in the middle of her face.
ASHLEY: Oh no!
TRAVIS: Lunch lady!
MATT: Her broken teeth in front. Her foot steps forward. One of her feet is a swollen swan foot. You watch as she pulls forward holding on one hand the stick with a large satchel over her shoulder, her other arm hidden within her robes. She goes, "(grunts) Have you children been good?"
TALIESIN: Tanner?
TRAVIS: Let's do it. Hold 'em off!
TALIESIN: Let's show this witch how Rampage works.
TRAVIS: Yeah!
TALIESIN: We're going up.
MATT: What are you doing?
TALIESIN: We are both climbing Rampage-style all the way up there. We're going to tear into this witch.
MATT: Let's go! Let's go!
TALIESIN: (shouts) So that's a tag team attack.
MATT: Are you doing a tag team attack?
TALIESIN: Yeah!
TRAVIS: Tag team attack.
MATT: All right, so whoever's helming that, spend the Hope.
TRAVIS: I'll also use my Blade ability, A Soldier's Bond. Once per long rest, when I compliment someone to ask them something they're good at, you both gain three Hope. Yo, brother, your stories sent me. Let's go! (laughs)
TALIESIN: Let's be naughty! Yeah! (laughter)
TALIESIN: Where am I now?
TRAVIS: Oh, bitch! 19 with Hope!
ASHLEY: Yeah! [cheering]
MATT: Yeah! All right. [cheering]
TALIESIN: Also 19 with Hope.
TRAVIS: Oh!
MATT: There you go! (laughs)
TALIESIN: 19 with Fear, but you win anyway. Could've gave you some.
MARISHA: And it's the same age as Tanner! (laughter)
MATT: So--
MARISHA: (laughs)
MATT: That is indeed a success. You both get to share the success on that one, so roll damage for both of you and then add them together.
TRAVIS: No problem.
LAURA: Nice.
TRAVIS: Ooh hoo hoo! That was really high. 25!
TALIESIN: That was pretty good.
SAM: Just like you! (laughter)
TALIESIN: I don't get a bonus, because, technically, we're both melee. Yeah, so that's--
LIAM: We got two baddies, right?
TALIESIN: Yeah, it's 16.
MATT: Oh, there are Straggele crawling through the trees that haven't gotten to you yet. The Frau is currently visible and they're attacking her and the spirit is somewhere in the wood.
TRAVIS: 18?
TALIESIN: 18.
TRAVIS: 28 for me.
MARISHA: (whoops)
MATT: Oh, so total that together, that's going to be--
TRAVIS: 46.
MATT: Yeah. Oof. All right.
MARISHA: (whoops)
MATT: Yeah, that is going to be, that is a severe wound to--
ASHLEY: Yes!
ASHLEY: (whoops)
MATT: -- to her. [cheering]
ASHLEY: Yes!
TRAVIS: That's what happens when you mess with D and T, baby!
MATT: All right, that's awesome. I'm immediately going to spend a Fear to activate--
TRAVIS: No!
MATT: Frau Perchta.
TRAVIS: No!
MATT: So she's going to pull out, the other arm that was hidden pulls out this long, bloody, curved knife that was within, and she is first going to interrogate you, Dylan. Say, "Are you naughty, child?" I need you to make, make a presence reaction roll for me.
TALIESIN: Oh boy.
LAURA: Those aren't 12s.
TALIESIN: Oh, thank god. Thank you. That would've been bad. (high-pitched) That's 11. With Fear.
TRAVIS: ♪ (high-pitched noise) ♪ Oh, doesn't matter.
MATT: All right, that's a failure. So you are now marked as naughty by Perchta.
TALIESIN: Fair.
MATT: Spending another Fear for Relentless to follow up. She's now going to say, "And for that, be punished!" She pulls out her blade and is going to do a massive strike in your direction. That's going to be... 14 to hit.
TALIESIN: It would, except earlier, I put up a spell that brings my evasion up to 15, which was the Rogue's Dodge.
MATT: Ooh, that'll do it.
TALIESIN: So I'm cool.
MATT: (whoosh) Goes wide. However, I'm immediately going to follow that up by spending another Fear to activate the Straggele minions around here as Frau goes, "Come forth, Straggele! Take down the children!" All of them go, "Of course, Frau Perchta," and they all begin to rummage out this army of four, six, eight of the Straggele furred beasts begin to pour out of the nearby brush and begin to swarm you, Dylan, as you're the one who managed to dodge out of her attack. So spending another Fear to activate their group attack on you.
TRAVIS: Take me instead!
MATT: That's going on that one.
TRAVIS: You bitch! (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: That's going to be a five to hit you, so that misses. Man, rolling bad on that opening round. That's okay. That happens to GM. My turn's up.
TALIESIN: Can I retaliate yet or no, or is there--
MATT: If you want to. I mean, I just finished my go, so.
TALIESIN: Since I've got all of them swarming me right now and I assume they're all in very close range--
MATT: They are. They all moved into you.
TALIESIN: I'm going to cast Rain of Blades.
MATT: Okay.
MARISHA: Woo!
TALIESIN: So, I'm going to make a spellcast roll and I'm actually going to use this d6, because, well, yeah, I want it. I actually see it.
LAURA: (laughs)
TALIESIN: I don't know how any of this works-- Okay, I'm going to add this too, just for fun.
LAURA: (laughs)
TALIESIN: That's not bad. That's nine, 21 with Fear.
SAM: Whoa.
MATT: 21 with Fear. That'll definitely hit them.
TALIESIN: That basically means I am spinning my little ice ball on a chain around and ice daggers are flying in every bloody direction.
TRAVIS: Fucking sick, dude.
TALIESIN: It's a whirlwind of them.
MATT: All righty. Go ahead and roll damage. That succeeds against them.
TALIESIN: Yeah, it's a, targets who succeed against, I'll get a 2d8 plus two, and none of them are vulnerable, but that's all right.
MATT: No.
TALIESIN: So that's six--
MATT: The only vulnerable one is the spirit that is slightly high.
TALIESIN: That's 12 points of damage each.
MATT: Okay, so all the Straggele, which are minions, all get (whooshes) spun off and thrown. The blades pin them to the wall like, (thuds) and they all go unconscious all immediately blasted against it.
MARISHA: Whoa.
TALIESIN: (growls)
MATT: On this.
ASHLEY: Yes! [cheering]
MATT: I'm going to spend a Fear to immediately activate the Spirit of Holiday Cheer.
TALIESIN: Shit.
MATT: Is going to Inspire Myth and is going to bring three of them back.
LAURA: No!
MARISHA: No!
MATT: As they come back to consciousness, the spirit goes, "Please, it is too soon to give up. They must all know what it's like to be punished."
TRAVIS: Jesus. (laughs)
MATT: But however, it's back to play for you.
LIAM: I'm going to grab--
MARISHA: Is Ralph--
LAURA: Get the tears in the box.
MARISHA: Yeah, is Ralph's tears doing anything to the box?
SAM: (sobs)
LAURA: I grab the side of his head and force it forward.
MATT: (laughs)
LAURA: Shake it.
MARISHA: Yeah. [laughter]
LAURA: Knock the tears out.
MARISHA: Collecting the tears.
ASHLEY: Just hitting the back of the head.
MATT: You begin to collect the tears. Here's what I'll do. I'm going to make this another positive clock here. So you have to collect enough tears to activate the box. You've successfully went one round to do so. If any of you want to try and further this process, it is going to be a series of checks based on what you want to try and do to get more tears out of your good friend Ralph here.
LAURA: Aw. [laughter]
MARISHA: Can we get tears from other sources?
MATT: If anyone wants to try and do so.
MARISHA: I have a confession.
ASHLEY: Why are you looking at me? [laughter]
MARISHA: You seem like the safe person to tell this to. When I had to leave the army base in Berlin, I had to leave behind my pet rat. His name was Gorbachev-- (laughter) -- because my dad used to always call him a rat bastard, so I thought it was really clever.
ASHLEY: Aww. [laughter]
MARISHA: I loved him so much, and he was my best friend, and when we left the army base, I let him out into the wilds, and he's probably dead. And I'm a bad rat mom. I miss you, Gorbachev. (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: Make a presence roll for me if you don't mind.
MARISHA: Okay.
SAM: Come on. [laughter]
MARISHA: Sheesh. Okay.
LAURA: Oh!
MARISHA: This is important. I'm going to use my rally die. Okay, okay, yeah, okay. Okay. 20.
SAM: Yeah, that's great.
MATT: 20.
MARISHA: Yeah.
MATT: You squeeze out some true missing-your-rat tears upon this box.
TRAVIS: (laughs)
MARISHA: (sobs)
MATT: And you watch, as the tears begin to absorb, it darkens the outside, and you're hoping something happens, but you begin to watch some of the runes, (whooshes).
LAURA: Yes.
MATT: It is starting to react.
MARISHA: I'm sorry!
MATT: That's a secondary--
MARISHA: -- Gorbachev!
MATT: -- circle bit there.
MARISHA and SAM: (sob)
MARISHA: I just hug Ralph.
MARISHA and SAM: (sob)
MATT: I'm going to spend a Fear now to activate Frau Perchta once more.
SAM: No!
MATT: Who angrily is going to slash out towards you, Dylan.
TALIESIN: Oh my god.
MATT: That's going to be a 19 to hit you.
TALIESIN: Oh yeah, that hits.
MATT: All right, since you are considered, you are marked as naughty by her, she does an additional d12 damage.
TRAVIS: That's judgmental.
LAURA: Oh my gosh.
MATT: So that's going to be, ooh.
TALIESIN: Yeah.
MATT: 32 points of physical damage.
TRAVIS: Whoa!
MATT: As her blade suddenly slashes across your chest twice and then jams it into your torso through your shoulder.
TRAVIS: Whoa!
TALIESIN: I'm going to drop that down to a major--
MATT: Okay.
TALIESIN: -- because ow.
MATT: Fair.
TRAVIS: A major.
MATT: As a reaction, I'm going to spend another Fear and she's going to attempt to disembowel you.
CAST and AUDIENCE: Oh!
MATT: That is going to be 16 to hit.
TALIESIN: That hits.
LAURA: No!
MATT: Okay. With that, you take an additional 18 points of physical damage.
TALIESIN: I'm going to use another armor and drop that down to minor.
MATT: Okay. The blade is stuck in you and she's like, "You will be filled with the garbage you are, child!"
SAM: Oh god.
LAURA: Oh god.
TRAVIS: Fucked up.
MARISHA: Jeez.
MATT: But that finishes her go. Play's back to you. Who wants to do what?
LAURA: I want to fly down and help Dylan.
MATT: Okay.
LAURA: Can I fly over and help him?
MATT: Sure. (whooshes) You fly over and she's now up against it. Some of the Straggele are starting to pull themselves free of the nearby trees.
LAURA: Yeah, I'm going to run.
SAM: Don't worry about him. We got to finish her.
LAURA: What?
SAM: We got to finish her!
LAURA: Dylan's about to be disemboweled! I'm going to run forward and, I'm sorry, Forceful Push. Forceful Push her to try to get her away from him.
MATT: Sure, let's go for it.
LAURA: Going to body check her.
MATT: Do it. Do it.
LAURA: Okay.
SAM: Care about him but you don't care about me.
MARISHA: (laughs) [laughter]
LAURA: That is 16.
MATT: A 16.
LAURA: 16 with Hope.
MATT: With Hope, so you take a Hope. That is a success against the Frau.
LAURA: Okay. Okay.
MATT: Oh, I do want to note this real fast, sorry. Because Frau Perchta is terrifying, whenever she successfully attacks a player, all PCs within close range lose a Hope and I gain a Fear, so she gained a Fear earlier--
TRAVIS: Oh shit.
MATT: -- and you lose a Hope.
TALIESIN: I didn't have one.
MATT: You lose a Hope. So the two of you do.
LAURA: Oh god, and then--
MATT: Sorry, continue your turn.
LAURA: -- I am going to spend a Hope to make her temporarily vulnerable.
MATT: (grunts and snarls)
LAURA: And I'm going to get to add a d6 to my attack.
MATT: Go for it.
LAURA: Okay. Ooh! That was 14 plus six is 20. 24 points of damage.
MATT: 24 points of damage. That's a major wound to her, so she takes two hit points as you push her back. "(snarls)" She splashes into it. The robe pulls open. You can see the gnarled grandma leg on one side and the weird twisted bird leg on the other, and you can see now the bag swings open and inside of the bag are tufts of hay, rocks, and garbage, what you saw stuffed in the abdomen of the security guard earlier.
LAURA and SAM: Oh god.
TALIESIN: If there's a way to punch in really quick, I'm going to attempt to cast Shadow Bind on the witch really quickly.
MATT: Sure.
TALIESIN: So I'm bleeding out and I summon all of the shadows just start to pulse, and tentacles of shadow go in and go to grab her.
MATT: Okay.
TALIESIN: That's going to be a spellcast roll. Come on, don't fuck around with me. Ew.
TRAVIS: Oh my god.
TALIESIN: No, no.
SAM: (laughs)
MATT: What was it?
TALIESIN: It was three. Enjoy your Fear. Actually, it was six. Enjoy your Fear.
MATT: Okay, I'll take that Fear. As the shadows try and curl around her and she goes, "Fool, I am the shadows!"
TALIESIN: Oh my god.
MATT: Is going to rush forward towards you immediately after to try and finish you off the best she can.
MARISHA: No!
TRAVIS: No, Dylan!
MATT: That's going to be another 16 to hit.
TALIESIN: That hits.
LAURA: No, I Am Your Shield. I'm going to step in front.
SAM: Don't do it, Bethany!
MATT: Okay, mark that stress and step in front. [cheering]
ASHLEY: Woo!
TALIESIN: Damn. [cheering]
MATT: You take-- [laughter]
LIAM: (groans)
MATT: 38 points of physical damage.
ALL: Whoa!
MATT: I rolled really good.
LAURA: So that's a severe, but I'm Unstoppable right now so I'm going to take that severe and mark it down to major.
MATT: Okay.
LAURA: Then I'm going to use my armor and mark it down to minor.
SAM: Oh wow.
MATT: Hell yeah. [cheering]
MARISHA: Wow.
MATT: That's how you do it.
TALIESIN: Wow.
MATT: Then I'm going to spend a Fear here. She did successfully hit, so I actually--
LAURA: I'm going to use Vengeance. I'm going to spend a Hope--
MATT: Okay.
LAURA: -- and I'm going to make her take, I'm going to gain a stress--
MATT: Go for it.
LAURA: -- slot and I'm going to make her take a hit point.
MATT: Go for it. Also, all three of you lose a Hope because she successfully struck you and you're all next to her in close range. So you feel her presence. With each successful strike on her, it saps your ability to think you can get out of this. but you keep trying to push through. All right, so you do Vengeance strike on her to do a hit point?
LAURA: Yes.
MATT: You got it. All right. From that, the Spirit of Holiday Cheer is going to spend a Fear to get in there and another Fear to Inspire Myth, which three more of the Straggele get up, so now six of them--
SAM: Good god.
MATT: -- are functioning.
LIAM: In the middle of this chaos, I see Dylan almost get eviscerated. I think we're all going to die. I focus on the fact that my father has never thought I've been enough and that is why I fled to the stage, because I could never sculpt like him. [scattered laughter]
LIAM: My body goes slack and I begin to wander towards Ralph and the box. To be-- (laughter) -- or not to be. [cheering] I mean, that's kind of the question.
LAURA: (laughs) [laughter]
LIAM: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of weird Christmas shit. (laughter) [cheering]
TRAVIS: Kill him!
LIAM: And by opposing, end them! To die, to weep, and with that, I also for good measure pluck out a bunch of giant fucking Krampus nose hairs-- (laughter) -- and try to cry in the box.
MATT: Go ahead and roll a performance check for me.
LIAM: Okay.
ASHLEY: Come on. Come on.
TRAVIS: I'll assist him. I'll assist him.
MARISHA: Come on!
MATT: By pulling out additional nose hairs?
LIAM: From the other nostril!
TRAVIS: I'm pulling out areola hairs.
MATT: (laughs) [laughter]
TRAVIS: Come on.
MATT: All right, so you can add a d6 to the roll.
TRAVIS: Gorilla chest.
LIAM: I kind of like it.
MATT: (laughs) [laughter]
LIAM: No! Come on! Okay.
MATT: One of those was a d10.
LIAM: One of those was a d10? Let's not use that one. Let's use this one. No! (laughter) It's with Hope. Seven plus three for me is 10. It's a 15.
LAURA: That's not bad.
MATT: 15 is exactly--
LIAM: With Hope.
MATT: -- what you needed.
LIAM: (laugh-sobs) [cheering]
TRAVIS: The nipple's not in vain!
MATT: You squeeze out these drops that part of it's real, but part of it is your thespian acumen.
LIAM: I'll never make it to Julliard! (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: As they drip and soak into the wood, the rest of the runes (buzzes) around the side glow and the inside of the box that was the dark wood interior suddenly has a golden shimmer it's some sort of bottomless space and the chain now floats slightly in the air like it's weightless.
LIAM: The fuck?
LAURA: Get her. Get her.
ASHLEY: (kissy noises) Come here!
MARISHA: Get her in! Get her in! (laughter) [laughter]
MARISHA: It's ready!
MATT: That was with Hope, right?
LIAM: Yes.
MATT: All right, so it's still you guys' go.
LAURA: Where's the Christmas spirit?
MATT: The Christmas spirit is now floating up at the top of the trees. Looking down and helping orchestrate this.
SAM: I'm going to throw a Mystic Tether at her again--
MARISHA: Yes!
ASHLEY: Yes.
SAM: -- and try to drag her down.
MATT: All righty, let's go.
SAM: Come on, baby.
LAURA: Ooh, ooh. Can I joint attack and help out with this?
MATT: If you have the Hope to spend it, you can.
LAURA: How much does it cost?
SAM: I do.
LAURA: It costs two or three?
MARISHA: Three.
MATT: It costs three Hope to initiate.
SAM: I have three.
LAURA: Oh, I only have two.
SAM: I have three. Can I--
MATT: Spend three Hope to do it.
SAM: I will do it.
LAURA: I'm going to fly up and try to Forceful Push her down while he's using the Tether.
MATT: Great, so (whooshes) you go up above and from below, both of you guys, roll for your spellcast, and you roll for your attack.
SAM: (inhales)
LAURA: Oh god.
SAM: (hums)
MATT: What'd you roll?
SAM: I only rolled a 12.
LAURA: I rolled--
MATT: That would be a fail.
LAURA: -- a 21.
SAM: With Fear.
MARISHA: Yes!
LAURA: With Fear.
MATT: With Fear. So I'll take the Fear, but that is a success that you both get to share because of the tag team attack. So describe to me how this looks as you both tag team up on her. [cheering]
SAM: I reach out my long Grinch arm to grab her and I say to-- Or the entity, I say to it. Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech ha'olam, motherfucker. (laughter) [cheering]
LAURA: I'm going to look past it straight at Ralphie and I'm going to say: I didn't mean any of it. You're like a brother to me, and I'm going to push her as hard as I can.
MATT: Frau Perchta--
SAM: Shake and Blake! (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: Frau Perchta has set her staff to the side and taken the long blade. What you also didn't see beneath the robe is some katana-like sheath for it as she slides it into the sheath and does the one-inch thumb flick of it out, almost like she's preparing to do some massive swirling strike, but you both catch her off guard. As you cast your spell, (whooshes) strike her, strike past her up towards the spirit, the spirit who's thinking that you're focusing on the Frau looks up and sees you just in time and smiles. "(laughs)" (booms) As you slam her from on top, gets knocked down about 12 or so feet, right as your Magical Tether slaps up and grabs and pulls her down. The spirit gets shunted and slammed into the ground. Roll your damage for that.
LAURA: I rolled 26.
MATT: 26.
ASHLEY: Woo!
MATT: And you rolled?
SAM: This is not a damage.
MATT: Oh, no, it isn't. 26 is her severe threshold, so that's three hit points of damage to the spirit.
LAURA and ASHLEY: Yes! [cheering]
MATT: And she cannot fly--
LAURA: I am going to spend a Hope to make her vulnerable as well.
MATT: You got it. Spirit is vulnerable.
ASHLEY: I'm going to roll over with the box.
MARISHA: Yeah.
MATT: Okay. She's resisting. I'm going to use a Fear to immediately take Frau Perchta, who is prepared, the blade at the ready, spend another Fear to activate a Swirling Whirlwind Strike. It's going to attack everybody within close range, which at this point--
TRAVIS: Is everybody.
MATT: -- is all of you. So, for that. Ooh, that's going to be 14.
SAM: Hit.
MARISHA: Miss.
MATT: That misses you and it misses Dylan, I believe?
TALIESIN: No, it hits me.
MATT: It hits you?
TALIESIN: I have 13.
MATT: Oh, got you. So, that's everybody but, all righty. Everybody around here takes 14 points of physical damage, except for Dylan, who takes 24 points of damage, and actually Bethany also takes 24, because you have been naughty this whole time.
MARISHA: (gasps)
LAURA: I have?
MATT: As decided by our VIP folks.
TALIESIN: Oh my!
TRAVIS: (shouts)
LAURA: You! You stinkers!
TALIESIN: I'm burning another armor to bring it down to major.
LAURA: Good thing I am Unstoppable.
TRAVIS: Unstoppable, unstoppable!
LAURA: Because that's going to bring it down to a minor damage for me, and I'm going to use my armor slot, so I don't take any damage.
MATT: There you go. [cheering]
MATT: But that's my go now.
MARISHA: So where's the spirit?
MATT: The spirit is held to the ground currently. It's taken some damage and it's resisting and it's smiling and still giggling, but it's looking a little nervous, and currently you have it held by magic on the ground.
MARISHA: I look at Gwen. Let's do this.
ASHLEY: Let's do it.
MARISHA: You're a big kid now!
ASHLEY: Oh!
LAURA: (laughs)
ASHLEY: Get in the box, bitch! (laughter) [laughter]
MARISHA: Can I assist her?
MATT: Yes, you may. You can spend a Hope to add a d6 to the roll. I'm going to need you to make either strength or finesse, depending on how you're trying to scoop up the spirit.
ASHLEY: I'm going to trying to finesse her in there.
MATT: Okay.
ASHLEY: Because that's going to be-- (laughter)
ASHLEY: I'm going to wiggle her in there.
MATT: Go for it.
ASHLEY: All right.
MATT: She's resisting the Tether and (buzzes) flying around rapidly.
MARISHA: Do I roll the d6?
MATT: You roll the d6 and add it to her roll, yeah.
MARISHA: Ooh!
ASHLEY: (grunts)
MARISHA: Six!
ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay, okay. Right, right. 16.
LAURA: Plus six, or just 16?
ASHLEY: That's plus six.
MATT: But that's plus six?
ASHLEY: Yes.
MATT: Unfortunately, that did not succeed.
ASHLEY: Shit!
MARISHA: No! [groaning in dismay]
MATT: Technically, you could take that Hope back because she was vulnerable--
MARISHA: Wait, wait.
MATT: -- so the roll already had a d6. You can keep that Hope.
MARISHA: Oh.
MATT: Because the spirit was vulnerable from earlier.
MARISHA: The spirit was vul-- Oh, so I can't also add another d6 on top of that?
MATT: No, not both.
MARISHA: Question.
MATT: Yeah.
MARISHA: Question. Since I did say I was going to assist, Ranger's Focus that has been on the spirit. "When you fail an attack against them, you can end your Ranger's Focus to reroll your Duality dice." Could I do this to allow Gwen?
MATT: It wasn't your roll, unfortunately, though.
MARISHA: (cutesy) I know, but. (laughs) But Matt, it's Critmas. (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: Oh, but it's German Critmas. (laughter) [laughter]
TALIESIN: Wow.
LAURA: You get a potato. (laughter)
TALIESIN: Too real.
MATT: With that, Frau Perchta is going to try and come after-- How are you looking?
TALIESIN: I look real bad.
MATT: You look real bad? It's going to come after Dylan.
LAURA: Oh no.
TALIESIN: All right.
ASHLEY: Oh no!
LAURA: No, Dylan!
MATT: That's going to be a 14, no, 13 to hit you.
TALIESIN: My evasion is 13--
ASHLEY: Damn it!
TALIESIN: -- but, yeah, my evasion is, well, hold on. Yeah, my evasion is 13.
MATT: All right. So with that, that is going to be--
TALIESIN: What kind of attack is this?
MATT: This is the blade.
TALIESIN: The blade? Okay.
MATT: That is going to be 23 points of physical damage.
TALIESIN: However, however-- Oh, it's physical damage, not magic damage.
MATT: Correct.
TALIESIN: Okay. So I'm going to use my parrying. I'm going to summon up an icicle to parry this attack.
MATT: Okay.
TALIESIN: Are either of those two a six or a five?
MATT: No.
TALIESIN: None of your dice are a six or a five?
MATT: No.
TALIESIN: God-- Okay.
TRAVIS: Damn it!
MATT: Sorry. That was a good try, though.
TALIESIN: Oh, also you have disadvantage. You should have had, because I'm at one point, which means that because I have--
MATT: Oh, so I'll take away a d6 from that.
TALIESIN: Yeah, I have, well, I--
MATT: Which, what are at disadvantage?
TALIESIN: Yeah, your attack would have disadvantage on me.
MATT: Okay, so yeah, that would've reduced it by two to an 11, so that would've actually missed you.
TALIESIN: Yep. All right, There we go.
SAM: That's great. [cheering and applause]
TALIESIN: (screams)
MATT: We'll say, narratively, as the strike comes towards you, you send out this icicle and it parries it off at the last second. That does bring it back to your go.
TALIESIN: I am going to try really quickly to drop down, if there's a shadow I can fall into in the trees, I'm going to try and throw myself at a shadow. Actually, can I do that or can I not?
TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
TALIESIN: Yeah, I can do that.
SAM: We need to get this into the box.
TALIESIN: So I'm going to get away from this thing.
MATT: Okay, so you're going to drop into a shadow and vanish.
TALIESIN: I'm going to literally drop myself into a shadow and Shadow Step into the shadow of a tree that is closest to this whole disaster.
MATT: Easy to do, there's a whole lot of shadow to go around in this space.
TALIESIN: Yep. I'm going to get as close as possible and now I am--
MATT: Dylan disappears out of sight and appears somewhere else in the thick brush.
TALIESIN: It was time.
MATT: It's your guys' go.
SAM: I need help. We got to get this thing in the box.
MARISHA: Can I try to get the box?
MATT: You can if you want to.
ASHLEY: Riley!
MARISHA: Hurry!
MATT: Yep.
MARISHA: Seeing Gwen stumble a little bit because--
ASHLEY: My hands are slippery. I'm clammy!
MARISHA: It's true. I know. I'm going to try and take and what I, I want to use my sled and kick it up so I can almost make the box, have more purchase and slam it down on top of her.
MATT: Okay, some Legolas shit, I respect that.
ASHLEY: I'm going to spend three Hope to assist. To do a tag team, I mean. Sorry.
MATT: To tag team?
MARISHA: Let's go.
ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
MATT: Let's go. So you're still holding the box, you hold onto it as well. Kick your sled into the air behind it and use that as additional leverage to try and slam over on top of it.
MARISHA: To slam it down.
MATT: All right, both of you roll either finesse or strength.
MARISHA: I'm going to use my last Hope that I didn't spend before for Gnarly Kick Flip, Brah.
MATT: Let's go.
ASHLEY: Get it, get it, get it.
MATT: Let's go. [cheering]
ASHLEY: Damn.
LAURA: I still can't believe you guys said I was naughty. [laughter]
LIAM: You can't? [laughter]
TALIESIN: There are a bunch of people in here who know things about you that the rest don't, and I think it's fair.
LAURA: (laughs)
MARISHA: I'm going to use my finesse, no. Wait, did I use my finesse? I used my finesse to cry. Or my rally die.
MATT: Yeah, your rally die.
MARISHA: I used that to cry.
MATT: So what are we at?
MARISHA: What did you roll? What did you roll?
ASHLEY: I rolled a 12.
MARISHA: I rolled a 15.
MATT: All right, so you both take at 15, which is not enough.
ASHLEY and MARISHA: (groan)
LAURA: No!
MATT: Now mind you, the spirit can't escape right now because of the tether, but it is still wiggling around and it's very, very challenging for it to do. That brings it back to my go with--
MARISHA: Wait. Wait, though. Wait, though.
MATT: Yeah?
LIAM: Wait.
MARISHA: Wait, though.
MATT: Yeah. What you got?
MARISHA: What I wanted to do last time, but I failed or I couldn't do, which end my Ranger's Focus to reroll my die.
MATT: You can do that.
ASHLEY: Yes! Yes! [cheering]
ASHLEY: Come on! Come on!
MATT: Let's go.
LAURA: Come on, come on, come on, come on.
SAM: Come on. Work.
LIAM: Big money, no whammies.
MARISHA: This is so dumb, this needs to work.
LAURA: Get it, Riley!
ASHLEY: Oh!
MARISHA: It's better. [laughter]
TALIESIN: Math is hard with all you out there.
MARISHA: 16.
ASHLEY: Oh wait.
MATT: 16 is not enough. (groaning) [groaning]
MATT: I'm sorry.
ASHLEY: Dang it!
MARISHA: Damn it!
MATT: The spirit is moving around and you can't quite capture it with the box. You're both trying to, it's like trying to get that one fly with a zapper.
MARISHA: Wait, was it a finesse or an agility roll?
MATT: It was finesse or strength, your choice.
MARISHA: Yeah. (laughter) [laughter]
TALIESIN: Is there room to take a shot from the shadows or are you taking control?
TRAVIS: Can we just run this? Can I run and jump, both cymbals in the air?
MATT: Well, unfortunately, on a failure, it comes to me, so. (groaning) Frau no longer can see Dylan and has shifted focus, not from you, because you seem to be hard to go for and is now going to shift focus over to this large monkey meat sack--
TRAVIS: (monkey hoots)
SAM: (laughs)
MATT: -- with a natural one. Is not going to do anything.
ASHLEY: Yes. (laughter) [laughter]
SAM: Come on, monkey meat sack.
MATT: It's back to you.
LIAM: Let me try to set you up. Let me try to set you up. I crawl over weeping.
MARISHA: This is so dumb, you guys, this is so dumb!
ASHLEY: So annoying.
LIAM: If we shadows have offended, think but this and all is mended.
TALIESIN: I'm crying.
LIAM: That you have but slumbered here! I will try to put it to sleep, the spirit. Ah, this jackass crap roll! (laughter) [laughter] Oh, it doesn't do it.
SAM: But wait, is this a tag team?
LIAM: No, it's a spell, it's an eight with Hope. Good grief.
MATT: Eight with Hope. Okay, so you take a Hope, but it is back to me. Frau to continue to unleash one after another towards the large cymballed monkey. That's going to be a 19 to hit.
TRAVIS: Hits.
MATT: Hits. You take 22 points of physical damage from that strike, as the blade carves across your chest.
TRAVIS: That's severe, but I'm going to use my Blade ability, Get Back Up, and I'm going to use-- I'll mark a stress to reduce the severity by one.
MATT: Let's go.
TRAVIS: That's still two hit points, though, goddamn her!
MATT: Correct. However, that strike does gain it a Fear and all of you lose a Hope.
TRAVIS: Shit! (groaning)
SAM: Everyone?
MATT: Everyone within close range, which right now is everybody.
LAURA: We really need to start rolling with success.
MARISHA: Yeah. Yes. [laughter]
TRAVIS: Can I try and return the attack?
MATT: If you'd like to, sure.
TRAVIS: Yeah, I'm going to jump in the air with both cymbals and I'm going to try and fucking DDT elbow drop this motherfucker into a box.
MATT: (laughs) Let's go. [cheering]
TRAVIS: That is, plus three, seven, 15, 16, 17, 18, 18 with Hope.
LAURA: (gasps)
MATT: 18 with Hope will succeed, so take that Hope and roll an attack. (cheering) (cheering) [cheering]
MARISHA: Come on!
TRAVIS: 2d12, double nines on this bitch! Plus six, that's 24!
LIAM: Let's go!
LAURA and LIAM: Woo! [cheering]
MATT: 24 damage?
TRAVIS: 24 damage.
MATT: That's great, that's a major wound. That's two hit points off. Frau Perchta is looking a little ragged. Pulls back from the impact, spits this black weird blood that hits the ground and it burns and hisses as it hits. "Oh, you've been very naughty."
SAM: Are you attacking her or trying to get the thing in the box?
MARISHA: Get the thing in the box.
TRAVIS: I was trying to shove her in the box!
MATT: Oh sorry, this was against the--
TRAVIS: The Spirit of Christmas!
MATT: -- Spirit of Christmas. And you rolled a?
TRAVIS: It was 18.
LAURA: It was 18.
MATT: 18 would've missed. I'm sorry.
LAURA: (groans)
SAM: Wait, can I assist him?
MATT: Not after the roll, unfortunately. Sorry, I misunderstood.
LAURA: You got to roll really high.
MATT: I thought you were going after her. Sorry. All right.
LAURA: Okay. Okay.
MATT: So a little timey wimey there. You would try and strike out past the Frau, go towards trying to help the spirit into the box and you're all now swarmed around it trying to push it in, and it's wiggling around too much. Actually, you know what, it's vulnerable, so you get to add a d6 to that, don't you?
TRAVIS: Oh!
LAURA: Oh, that's right.
MARISHA: Is it?
TRAVIS: Six! [cheering]
MARISHA: Get in! [cheering]
MATT: How do you want to do this? (cheering) [cheering]
LAURA: Yes! Finally! [cheering]
SAM: Jesus. [cheering] [cheering]
ASHLEY: (cymbals clang)
TRAVIS: As my large simian runs up the side of the wall, he pulls the cymbals off of his hands, blood rushing forth, he spins them up in the air! (George of the Jungle yell) Wham! Slams it on top of the Spirit of Christmas' head and starts elbow dropping it into the box.
MATT: (laughs) As the box slams it on top of it, you hear the song still beginning to permeate. [ethereal singing] It gets louder and louder around as light begins to apparate, the trees begin to bend and turn inward. All the Straggele begin to rush out, Frau Perchta says, "No!" The box hits the ground and light and energy begins to streak out of all sides. (energy blasting)
ALL: Whoa! Whoa!
MATT: This heavy crack sound shakes the foundation around you and all the building's walls nearby shift as dust falls from the settled ceiling. Slowly, silence begins to take the room as the lid is now clasped onto the box and the wooden hands now hold the Spirit of Holiday Cheer once again within its long, ancient sealed space.
TRAVIS: (monkey hoots) Who, who, who's crying now? (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: A moment later, all the trees begin to crumble into ash, leaving piles of dust on the ground and you feel a soft warm wind, (gentle rustles) begin to surround and engulf you, picking up the dust and ash until it's just a cloud of swirling light. Then as it dissipates, you look down upon your now restored forms, your teenage selves, a little scuffed, a little bloodied, but back to normal.
SAM: My skin cleared up. [laughter]
TALIESIN: I'm still bleeding from a wound in my torso.
SAM: I don't think we have magic anymore.
TALIESIN: No, no, it does not feel good. I was at one hit point, so.
TRAVIS: Ooh. [oohing]
MATT: You got real close to being disemboweled and stuffed with stones and trash. [laughter]
LAURA: I'm going to rip the bottom of my skirt off and tie it around Dylan's waist to staunch the bleeding.
LIAM: You have fingers again.
LAURA: I have hands! (gasps) (gasps) (laughter) [laughter] [laughter]
LAURA: Cool. [laughter]
SAM: I'll check, too. Still circumcised. (laughter) [laughter]
ASHLEY: Wow. What a party.
LAURA: Oh, guys, the security guard.
SAM: Maybe he'll come back to life.
SAM: (laughs) [laughter]
LIAM: Nah, he's still eviscerated in the hall.
SAM: (laughs) [laughter]
TALIESIN: He knew the risks. (laughter) [laughter]
TRAVIS: This is going to be one holiday to remember.
MARISHA: Hey, Dylan.
TALIESIN: Yeah?
MARISHA: I reach into my Wanderer's Pack because I can summon anything that I want once a game and I pull out Dylan's dad's wallet.
TALIESIN: Oh god.
MARISHA: You told me to keep an eye out for this.
TALIESIN: You found it?
LAURA: Wait, you still have magic?
MARISHA: No, I've just had it this whole time.
TALIESIN: You fuck!
MATT: (laughs) (laughter) [laughter]
TALIESIN: I am-- Thank you, I was going to be in so much trouble for stealing that and then losing it. Instead, I'm going to be in trouble for bleeding mysteriously.
MARISHA: Yeah.
TRAVIS: You still owe me 20 bucks. [laughter]
MARISHA: And you owe me a favor.
TALIESIN: Fuck.
ASHLEY: Oh, Ralph, I forgot, I brought a present for you.
SAM: What? Me?
ASHLEY: It's one of my favorite books. "Flowers in the Attic." (laughter) [laughter]
TALIESIN: Oh my god.
ASHLEY: Sorry. (laughter) [laughter]
SAM: Wow.
TALIESIN: (laughs) [laughter]
SAM: Thanks, Gwennie. You know, I, maybe I've been looking at the wrong girl this whole time.
ASHLEY: Whoa. I didn't mean...
SAM: I mean, I don't know. You're going to need some help when you start your freshman year, right?
ASHLEY: Yeah.
SAM: I could help you out and show you around, where your locker is and stuff.
ASHLEY: I'm really scared to use a locker and to change classes. That sounds so intense.
SAM: Yeah, the bell is really scary the first time you hear it, but then you get used to it.
ASHLEY: Okay.
SAM: Okay. Shake on it.
ASHLEY: All right.
SAM: Oh, so clammy.
ASHLEY: (spits) Cool. (laughter) [laughter]
LAURA: Well, I'm going to go cover up the eviscerated security guard.
MATT: (laughs) [laughter]
TRAVIS: You mean loot the body. (clears throat) [laughter]
MATT: You come back to find Lenny Coors is coughing on the ground--
LAURA: (gasps)
MATT: -- and is like, "(coughs)," and coughs up a bunch of bloody straw and stones and it is like, "What the hell just happened?"
MARISHA: Run!
MATT: (groans) [laughter] "What are you? Who's that?"
LAURA: Run away. Run away.
MARISHA: Go! Go! Go!
MATT: You all go charging out of the high school, and the security guard says, "Wait, wait, no, it's, ugh, what? I didn't drink." You all charging off into the night as you see all this snow and ice that have been apparated from this is slowly melting and the trees are slowly vanishing. The town of Springvale Springs slowly returning to the best of normal you can imagine, and probably a very confused array of denizens that stepped outside of their homestead this late at night. You eventually begin to return to gather to the, well, where are you heading next, I would say.
MARISHA: I think we still have a whole other six pack of beers in the basement at the Blake's.
TALIESIN: How about, you know, how about we drink the beers and then let's go interrupt and fuck up whatever weird shit your parents are up to. Let's ruin it forever--
MARISHA: Yeah.
TALIESIN: -- so that they'll never be comfortable doing it again.
ASHLEY: Or! Or we go to the secret tree house, which you all have never let me go in, and we can all have beers together in there and let our parents continue fucking. (laughter) [laughter]
SAM: That is the spirit of Christmas.
TALIESIN: It is true. (laughter) [laughter]
MARISHA: Okay.
SAM: Let's do it.
TRAVIS: Tree house it is! Yeah!
MARISHA: Secret tree house.
MATT: As you carry under your arm a recently sealed artifact of ancient Germanic Christmas nightmare...
MARISHA: (laughs)
TRAVIS: What could go wrong?
LIAM: As we walk away, you hear Trystan in voiceover: Dear freak German folklore: We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole holiday for whatever it was we did wrong. But we think you're crazy for making us go through fucking hell. You see us as you want to see us, in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. What we found out is that each one of us is a Krampus, a snowman, a monkey, a Grinch, a dead reindeer, an abominable snowman, and a tree topper. [cheering] Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, The Critmas Club.
SAM: Yeah! [cheering]
MATT: As the very last image you see before it fades to black is Gwennie looking down at her hand and a little flicker of fire in her fingertips and a confused expression. [oohing]
ASHLEY: Whoa.
MATT: And that's where we'll finish tonight's game. (cheering) [cheering]
LAURA: ♪ Don't you ♪
ASHLEY, MATT, LIAM, TRAVIS: ♪ Forget about me ♪
ALL: ♪ Don't, don't, don't, don't ♪
MATT: ♪ Don't ♪ sing the song, we don't have the rights to it. (laughter) [cheering] Also, as a note, Critical Role does not condone underage drinking.
LIAM: No! (laughter) [laughter]
MATT: But no, thank you all so much for joining us tonight.
LAURA: Sorry it's so late, you guys.
MATT: I know, thank you for hanging with us for this wild adventure. [cheering] Appreciate y'all so much. Merry Critmas to all and to all a good night, I guess. [cheering] Love you. [cheering] [cheering continues]