List of Transcripts


MATT: Welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons and Dragons. This evening, we're about to dive into our final game of the year before we go away for the holidays, and then return in the new year to begin our new campaign. So tonight, instead, we're going to have the members of Vox Machina who could be here-- unfortunately, Ashley is still in New York. Laura is busy being at the Video Game Awards because she was nominated for Best Actress. So we're sending all the awesome, positive thoughts her way and wishing her luck. And we all knew Vex was going to go out in the first half anyway. That's not true. But we miss you, Laura. We do have a sponsor tonight. We have, for this fantastic episode, Marvel Puzzle Quest returns to sponsor an episode. Thank you so much, Marvel Puzzle Quest! Sam?

SAM: Guys, for the sponsorship opportunity, I know that I have this habit of doing a bit, doing some comedy at the top of the show, and it's all funny and clever and brilliant and all that. But today, I'm just going to do it serious. This is a serious sponsor and they need our serious, unadulterated attention. So I'm just going to read the copy, I swear to god. Okay. Our sponsor tonight is Marvel Puzzle Quest. Recruit all your favorite Avengers, from Black Panther, Captain America, (fart noise) Iron Man, The Hulk (fart noise), Black Widow, and more! (extended fart) Create a super-villain dream team and recruit Infinity Gauntlet-wielding Thanos to wage your own war! (excessive fart noises) Mix and match to create the ultimate team of three, and battle it out in Match Three War! (squeaky fart) Marvel Puzzle Quest is available on iOS, Android, Amazon, and Steam. Download it now for free. (so many fart noises)

MATT: God, Sam, holy shit.

SAM: I just read the copy!

MARISHA: Your own joke broke you.

TALIESIN: What episode is this?! How many episodes did it take to finally get to this?

TRAVIS: Marvel Puzzle Quest gets the best stuff.

MATT: We have officially hit that level in our game.

TALIESIN: We have steamed the shark.

LIAM: You've got to be careful. Marvel Marketing is going to start stealing from your bucket of tricks. We're going to see trailers with farts.

MATT: All righty. So let's see. Other announcements? We have a quick one tonight, I think.

MARISHA: There's the charity stream with Satine on Saturday. The Roll20 dealio that she's doing is this Saturday, all-day D&D for charity.

MATT: This is actually a continuation of a charity event that Satine's been running for years, where me and her first played D&D together years ago. She asked me to be a charity DM and me and Keith Baker ran games at Meltdown, years ago. So it's an awesome group, awesome games. Please check it out. Support it if you can.

MARISHA: That was the early days of streaming RPGs online, before it was a thing.

MATT: Yeah, it was rough. But it was fun. It was a good time. So yeah, check that out. Next Thursday will be our big wrap-up. We've been asking questions of the community. There's been a lot of really great questions. So we got through as many as we possibly can for this episode next Thursday to answer a lot of questions about the campaign, the world, things that went unanswered, curiosities that you may have been holding on to. The ones that we didn't get to, we might carry over into the first week of the new year or something. We'll figure it out. We want to get through as many of these as we can, but we have a large bulk of them coming to you next Thursday in this time slot. So check it out next week! Let's see. Any other announcements you guys want to bring up?

TRAVIS: Laura would pull my lower lip over my head if I didn't say that the beautiful Critical Role notebook is in the merch store. It's gorgeous. I don't hold it up and Vanna White it as nice as she does, but it's in there. Laura and I will be at SacAnime in Sacramento the first week of January. January 5th through the 7th, I think it is. We'll be in Sacramento.

MATT: Also, me and Marisha are both happy to be hosting with the folks who make Gwent. If you're familiar with the Witcher, they have their own card game.

LIAM: You don't like Witcher, though.

MATT: Yeah, I'm not a fan. But we're helping host their upcoming Gwent tournament next weekend, Friday and Saturday. I can't really say the specifics of it because they're going to announce it on their own time, but it's going to be fun. Somewhere in the Europes. But yes, we'll be there. We'll have information on our Twitters and social media if you want to follow and check out both Gwent. We're streaming tomorrow morning, actually, our last stream of us getting prepped, and we're meeting with a bunch of guys in the community that are showing us the ins and outs of some of the factions and decks. So if you're like us and up early tomorrow on Twitch, we'll be there. We'll figure out all of the information on Twitter. All right. Anything else, guys?

TALIESIN: Did podcast get updated, or did that not happen? It may not have.

MARISHA: It's coming.

TALIESIN: Comic book issue three is available. It's beautiful. And there's now two playlists out because I didn't announce my playlist last week. Percy's playlist went out and now there's a Vex podcast.

MARISHA: I'm working on it. I started writing today.

TRAVIS: I don't have one because it was going to be all death metal, followed with nursery rhymes.

TALIESIN: I would like to know what kind of death metal you're into.

TRAVIS: Technonic.

MARISHA: Also, big deal. This is a big one. Talking about merch. This is a true story. We found a bunch of extra David Mack posters that we autographed and signed as hold-over, in case anything was damaged or shipping was messed up. Yeah, in case life happened. So we signed about a hundred extra and we magically found them the other day. So your last chance--

SAM: Can you tell me where we found them?

MARISHA: It was somewhere, I think, literally in the boiler room.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I was about to say, it was probably the boiler room because that's where shit goes and vanishes. We are kind of a mess on occasion, this is true.

MARISHA: No, we're a web company. We wouldn't be a mess.

MATT: Individually and as a collective fumbling our way through existence day to day.

MARISHA: But anyway, they are in the store right now. This is your last chance. If you're like, "Oh no, I saw them!" But only a hundred-- and they're gone. So yeah, last-minute Christmas present for anyone who was looking for something.

LIAM: Marisha and I came out in another episode of Madness. Some more improvised gameplay with blocks.

MARISHA: If you're not watching it, holy crap. Go watch it.

MATT: Awesome. All right. I believe that brings us to the conclusion of our announcements. And finishing that up, let's bring us to tonight's special Level 20 Battle Royale episode of Critical Role.

[dramatic music]

Part IEdit

MATT: Welcome back, as apparently Sam transformed into his ultimate, final form.

SAM: The King of Egos.

MATT: How many is this?

TALIESIN: It's Sams all the way down.

SAM: There are six pictures of me, plus me, so that's seven. Lucky seven.

MATT: Seven Sams, that's your name for the night. Seventh Sam-urai. So folks. Not long--

SAM: Wait a second. You're doing a story? I thought we were just going to kill each other!

MATT: There's a narrative.

TALIESIN: Let him paint his picture.

LIAM: Have you met Matt?

MATT: Not long before you finish your preparations for the final battle with Vecna, you all spent an evening going to rest with unease and as sleep took you, a vision fills your mind. Groggily you come to, wiping the insides of your eyelids, trying to find some means of grasping the scenario around you. As unfamiliar smells of stale water and crushed stone begin to fill your sinuses, the light blearing into your vision, you slowly focus to look around you and find a strange assortment of structures in the vicinity. And there above you, cracking through the clouds with a thunderous boom, you see a cloaked figure descend from the heavens, hands held aloft, palms up to the sky as bolts of energy arc around its form. As it slowly drifts, hovering above this central tower, the sconces of flame below burning with embers that drift up with the wind and vanish. The cloaked figure spins around, revealing the face beneath the hood, a well groomed, beautiful, familiar beard and his perfectly combed hair.

SAM: Oh, I feel better now.

MATT: One side of his body contains unique armor with a series of spines of metal seemingly protruding into his arm, as if to keep it in place.


TRAVIS: Amazing.

MATT: As he spins around, making eye contact with the five of you members of Vox Machina, his voice billows out, "You've come again. And here you are, and since you're here I think it's time that you show me what you've got. Show me what you've got!" With a thunderous clap he vanishes. You see a singular column of green energy left behind where he stood, that now rests upon the top of the pillar. You watch as these two disparate towers on two ends of the battlefield begin to slowly spin as energy crackles throughout them. You look around the field for any sort of view of your opponents and all you see are your friends, and you know in that moment that this is another challenge from the Great Colville, to show who amongst you is most powerful.

MARISHA: Not again.

LIAM: But if we know that in advance.

MATT: His voice cracks out from the heavens, "Roll initiative."

MARISHA: Wait, do we have time to precast?


MARISHA: To do like a little--

LIAM: Take your precast and shove it in your ass, Keyleth.

SAM: Like you need something else.

LIAM: You need an edge on us all?

MARISHA: Yes, I do! It's not my fault that my character's awesome.

LIAM: Using my first luck of the day at the top.

SAM: Can I inspire myself on this roll? I forget, it's an ability check.

MATT: It's an ability check, yeah.

SAM: I will inspire myself.

MARISHA: Can I give myself an inspiring leader speech?


LIAM: That's ten minutes.

MARISHA: Come on, you got this, come on, come on. You can do this, you can do this.

LIAM: I'm one luck down.

SAM: One inspiration down.

MATT: I'm checking real fast here, hold onto your numbers for a moment.

LIAM: In my luck box. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

SAM: Wait, wait, that's too many.


MATT: Which can include yourself.

SAM: Shit, I forget what Mythcarver does.

TRAVIS: You've used it twice!

MATT: I'll put it this way, does everybody have something they wish to prepare before the battle?

TRAVIS: I would like to rage.

MATT: And as a note, whatever potions that you had on yourself that are healing potions, are out of this battle, as you check your contents of your pockets.

TRAVIS: I mean, not really. I want to rage, that's it.

TALIESIN: The only thing I can think to do is I would want to already have my Boots of Spider Climbing activated and my Diplomacy charged.

MARISHA: How about, instead of a speech, can I cast Freedom of Movement on myself?

MATT: Sure.

LIAM and MATT: Wings are already out.

TRAVIS: Do you want to cast freedom of movement on me?

TALIESIN: We get to pose before the battle right?

MARISHA: I think I'm the only one here, I don't know, I can't.

MATT: As you take in the gravity of the situation you can see a small sparkle around you as a containment field marks the exterior of this battlefield both around and roughly 80 to 100 feet in the air.

TRAVIS: 80 to 100 feet?

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Find out the hard way.

TRAVIS: I won't. I ain't going up there.

MATT: Initiative orders. 25 to 20.

SAM: (laughing) Everybody.

TRAVIS: Oh, wow.

SAM: Everybody but Kiki.

SAM: 21!

MARISHA: I rolled pretty good, too.



MATT: All right, so we have currently Percy at 24, Scanlan at 21, Grog at 20.

LIAM: 19.

MARISHA: Also 19.

LIAM: Oh, fuck you. Give it to me. She doesn't need it.

MARISHA: Bullshit! Bullshit! Fucking Mr. Sneak Attack!

LIAM: (laughing) What are you talking about? You are the clear winner of this game!

MARISHA: Don't say that! I've lost all of them!

MATT: I would like you both, right now, to roll a dexterity check. Roll a d20, add your dexterity modifier.

TALIESIN: He may have to burn another luck.

LIAM: Nope.

MARISHA: Just my modifier, my straight modifier?

MATT: Yep. Because technically you're on the same initiative, but I can't have you doing your actions at the exact same time. This is to see who's slightly faster.

MARISHA: I rolled a 15, for 17 total.

LIAM: 32, motherfucker.

SAM: Jesus! That's your wife!

MATT: Wait. How'd you get 32?

LIAM: I rolled a 19, my dex is a 13.

MARISHA: That's your saving throw.

MATT: That's your saving throw, it's a dexterity check.

LIAM: Still higher than you.

MATT: Still higher.

LIAM: 19. It's a saving throw?

MATT: No, it's just an ability check.

LIAM: Oh, okay.

MATT: You're fine, you beat Keyleth.

MARISHA: Learn your character sheet, motherfucker!


MATT: So there is a burst of speed and Vax is ever so faster than Keyleth. His dextrous capabilities edge her out of the initiative order, so Keyleth, you're taking up the rear.

MARISHA: I was so stoked about my 17.

MATT: I know. With that, as those two towers are currently crackling, Percival, it's your turn.

TALIESIN: Wow, it's been a while.

SAM: I don't know how to play this character anymore. I've totally forgotten everything I can do.

MARISHA: This is the last time we're going to play these characters.

TALIESIN: I'm going to run into this room and I want to see what's inside this building.

MATT: All right. So you rush around. That's about as far as you get with your movement. Looking inside, you see a large cluster of sigils carved into the ground with crystals sticking out and it's this low pulsing purple energy. Make a perception check, actually.

TALIESIN: All right.

LIAM: Castlevania teleport mode.


MATT: 23. You notice a small groove of similar pulsing kind of purplish-blue energy that runs from the circle and out of the chamber, which is this line here. And then you also barely see on the edge what appears to be an archway, a door that is built that has a slight shifting barrier of mist where the archway is.

TALIESIN: I'm going to spend the rest of my action moving into the archway of mist.

MATT: You move into the archway?


MATT: Okay, and with that you move here.

TALIESIN: How much movement do I have left?

MATT: That's where it puts you.

TALIESIN: All right.

MATT: And having revealed those two elements of the battlefield. Going to leave those two open for the time, but there is a roof up there about ten feet tall. End of your turn?


MATT: Okay. Scanlan, you're up.

TALIESIN: You don't see me.

SAM: I'm going to turn invisible.

MATT: Okay, you cast Invisibility on yourself. That's your action.

SAM: And I'm going to pick a direction to run in. I don't see anybody. I'm going to pick a random direction. That's right. I'm going to run to the right. Is this a door that I can get in?

MATT: That is currently a door.

SAM: Currently a door?

MATT: Meaning it is a door.

SAM: I'll run over that way. I only go 25 feet. Or 25 things.


SAM: And bonus action I can't dash, right, no?

MATT: No. You're not a rogue, buddy, no. Sorry.

SAM: I don't know. I've never dashed!


MATT: However, you are currently considered invisible.

TALIESIN: Do you have a thingy for that? I have a cake.

MATT: It's been a few weeks since we played and I left my markers at home. But that's okay. That cake means you're invisible. It's an invisibility cake. All right, finishing Scanlan's turn. Grog, you're up.

TRAVIS: Raging, can I run around the side of the tower that's closest to you towards the door of this little Superman shaped-- yep.

MATT: 30, you're at the door.

TRAVIS: Can I use siege to knock the fucking door open?

MATT: Go ahead and make an attack against the door.

SAM: Are we hearing things? Can we hear the crack of wood?


MATT: 20, go ahead and roll damage. You now hear a thunderous roar, Grog's voice billowing out from the air not too far from you across a moat-like pond of clear water that surrounds the vicinity of the central tower. With a smashing sound, you see wood splinter off into the air.

TRAVIS: A d4 for the fit hands or with the axe?

MATT: With the axe.

TRAVIS: Oh, shit balls ass, sorry. Nope, that's a ten. Eight plus--

MATT: This is the Bloodaxe?


MATT: Bloodaxe is a d12.

TRAVIS: It is, right, I was using the sword before that.

MATT: Yeah, d12. What did you roll?

TRAVIS: That's an eight on both of them, plus-- Sorry, been a hot minute. 23.

MATT: 23, double eight? Yeah, the door is destroyed. It's blown inside, the hinges kind of (squeaking sound) and what little bit of the door still remains kind of breaks off and slams into the ground, and revealing the interior of this chamber, the door now open. It is empty except for a singular chest sitting in the far corner from you.

TRAVIS: Do I have any movement left? What did I end on, 40?

MATT: That was 30, you still have 20 feet of movement.

TRAVIS: Can I make my way to the chest?

MATT: Yes you can.

TRAVIS: And it's not a bonus action to open said chest, right?

MATT: Nope, that would be an action.

TRAVIS: I'll stay in my room!

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Can I shut the door-- the door's gone.


MATT: At this point, both of the towers-- the sparking energy arcs outward and nobody's in the vicinity, so no worries there.

SAM: Oh boy!

MATT: You watch as energy sparks offward and hits the other structures nearby and then eventually pulls back into the towers and the glow is slowly building once more. Vax, you're up.

LIAM: Okay, I am sending you something. I'm going to use a bonus action to hide.

MATT: Okay, roll a stealth check, please.

LIAM: Sure. Nobody can see me, right?

MATT: Not at the moment.

LIAM: Okay, that is a 27.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Here it comes to you. And I've charted this right, I think.

MATT: You're on deck, Keyleth.

SAM: Are we playing Battleship now? Are you sending him moves? Is this what's happening?

LIAM: Yes.

MATT: Okay, Vax vanishes into the shadows of the field. Let's see here.

LIAM: Feel me?

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: That your turn?

LIAM: Oh, shite. Yes it is.

MATT: Okay, ends Vax's turn, Keyleth, you're up.

MARISHA: Hey, question, clarification on blindsight?

MATT: Yes?

MARISHA: I was going to look it up. You're blind but you can still see through you being awesome?

MATT: Is this in reference to a creature?


MATT: Blindsight means that they either don't use their eyes to see and as such Blind doesn't affect them.

TRAVIS: Oh, like the worms and stuff.

MATT: Yeah. Creatures without eyes, such as grimlocks, grey oozes, either it's naturally blind and can see without having to use the eyes or if it's ever blinded it doesn't affect it.

MARISHA: Okay, so I wouldn't be able to see through Scanlan's Invisibility with blindsight.

MATT: Not with blindsight, with tremor sense you would still feel him running across.

MARISHA: That's what I was getting clarification on. I am going to cast Sunbeam at 6th level, and--

MATT: Where are you casting it?

MARISHA: Sunbeam. Myself.

MATT: Right. It creates a beam when you cast it.

MARISHA: As an action I get to create a beam, right?

MATT: Correct, but when you initially cast it you create a beam so if you want to fire at wherever and it's gone, that's fine.

MARISHA: Okay. Well then, how about this? I want to peek around this corner over here.

SAM: My tremor sense hears her moving.

MARISHA: Do I see Percy?

MATT: Yeah, you very plainly see Percy.

MARISHA: Okay, then I'm going to do Sunbeam.

TALIESIN: That'll do.

MATT: All right. First blood. Other than the door. Which, to be fair, is the most Vox Machina opening thing to destroy.

TRAVIS: This is for 115 episodes, you bitch!

MARISHA: Did I destroy the door? Is that what you're saying?

MATT: No, Travis did earlier.

TRAVIS: You didn't destroy everything!

MARISHA: Sorry, I checked out.


MATT: All right, Percy, I need you to make a constitution saving throw, please.

TALIESIN: Constitution saving throw. This is magical, isn't it?

MATT: Yes, it is.

TALIESIN: So I get advantage on this.

MATT: You do.

MARISHA: Is that versus my spell level?

MATT: Yep, your spell DC.

TALIESIN: What's your spell DC? Oh, okay, constitution saving throw.

MARISHA: It's pretty high.


MATT: 25, I think that saves.

MARISHA: That hits, so you are not blinded but you do still take the damage.

TALIESIN: How much damage?

MATT: Half as much damage.

MARISHA: Half as much. 6d8 radiant. (counting) 33 damage total.

MATT: 33 damage. Half that. You take 16 points of radiant damage.

TALIESIN: I'll take 16 points of radiant damage.

MARISHA: And then I use my bonus action to turn into an earth elemental. I still have a little bit of movement, right?

MATT: You do.

MARISHA: I'm going to use the rest of my movement to peek back around there.

SAM: How big is that thing?

MATT: It's considered a large creature.

SAM: Is it taller than the roof?

MATT: No. Because about ten feet tall, it's about as tall as the roof. But you do see Keyleth come out of the side, blast a Sunbeam-- Your line of sight over there, you barely see her rush around the corner, fire this beam of energy, and then (whooshing) into an elemental and then curl around the way.

SAM: Nice! Just going to crack my knuckles then.

MATT: Ending Keyleth's turn, Percy you're up.

TALIESIN: I'm going to hop right back through that door, and take a right out that door and start heading back out that-- yeah, right there, and then I'm going to use the rest of my-- to cast Silence. I'm casting my silence ball, I am now completely quiet.

SAM: Except for tremor sense.

TRAVIS: Where'd he go?

MATT: You don't know where he went.

TRAVIS: Oh, he's off the map? Oh, there he is.


MATT: So Percy has Silence on him, Scanlan, you're up.

SAM: Okay. Shoot! I saw her. (to Marisha) I saw you!

MARISHA: I saw you!

SAM: Let's see here, 25 feet gets me to either here or here, right?

MATT: I mean, 25 would put you-- almost.

SAM: But I can't get somewhere where I can see her.

MATT: Not at the moment, it doesn't look like. You know where she went, but you don't see her.

SAM: As I walk, I will try that door, see if it opens. Does it open?

MATT: You walk up to the door, and you're going to try it?

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: No, it's locked.

SAM: Then I'm going to keep going and get to here.

TALIESIN: That's as far as you can go.

SAM: You said 20!

MATT: 25.

TALIESIN: Five, ten, 15, 20, 25. To the door.

SAM: I thought you said I could get to either here or here!

MATT: Little gnome feet.

SAM: Okay, I will use my action to cast Minor Illusion and it's going to be Scanlan's voice coming from right here behind where she can't see, singing a little song.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Minor Illusion I don't think is concentration, right? It just says one action.

MATT: Do be aware--

LIAM: Heads up guys, my only chance of surviving to the halfway mark of this game--

MATT: Invisibility ends when you cast a spell.

SAM: Oh, when you cast any spell.

MATT: Any spell.

SAM: Ugh, shit, I always do this!

MATT: I know.

LIAM: My only chance of survival to the halfway mark is hiding, so Matt and I will be doing a little bit of texting this evening so I can telegraph my moves until somebody spots me.

TRAVIS: Totally dick pics, right?

LIAM: Yeah-- no! That's crazy!

MARISHA: Right under the table. Live dick pics.

SAM: Then I will save my action until I see someone, I guess.

MATT: What are you holding your action then?

SAM: No! No, sorry Matt! Sorry! I'm new to this game! I'm going to use my action to dash, right? I get more movement!

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: I go back here.

TALIESIN: Five, ten, 15, 20, 25!

SAM: Out of sight of her.

MARISHA: Do I get any--

MATT: Does your earth elemental have tremor sense? Make a perception check.

SAM: Yes, yes, it's all happening.

MARISHA: 15 total.

MATT: 15?

MARISHA: No, 16. That makes a difference.

SAM: Do I make a stealth check or something?

MATT: No, because you went your full movement, so yeah, no. She senses you.

SAM: Okay. Does she have pinpoint accuracy or just know the general direction?

TRAVIS: She's made of earth.

MATT: She has a pretty good idea. So you don't see him and as you're looking around you sense the ground (footsteps). Something's there. Something just moved behind that other building.

MARISHA: Feels like about 45 pounds. Oh, sorry, 75 pounds. Four-foot five... That seems tall.

TRAVIS: I don't have the deck, by the way. No deck.

TALIESIN: I would hope so.

TRAVIS: Why? I mean, technically it's before the Vecna fight but it didn't make the portal.

MATT: From a story, it's before because I needed a reason for Vax to still be there, but I wanted to make sure that everything was there. Yeah, tremor sense, 60 feet. Yeah. All right, so that ends Scanlan's turn.

SAM: She knows where I am?

MATT: You don't know that. You're like, "Aw, I'm so slick! Nobody knows where I am!" She's like-- "There." All right, and finishing Scanlan's turn, Grog. At this moment, the energy in those two circles begin to (vibrating). Percival, you glance over the back of your shoulder and you see a burst of bluish-purple energy fill the entire chamber.

MARISHA: The inside circles?

MATT: Inside this entire room fills purple. It washes past you. You feel warm but no damage, nothing.

TRAVIS: Nothing?

MARISHA: I don't trust that.

TALIESIN: Can I say, Woo, that was close! Do I hear myself?

MATT: Yes.

TALIESIN: Damn it! Fuck!


MATT: And that's all you saw.

TALIESIN: Well, that makes life a little more complicated.

MATT: Grog, your turn.

TRAVIS: All my spells. Can I open le chest du mysterie?

MATT: You may. You use your action to open the chest and reach inside. You get yourself a Potion of Superior Healing.

TRAVIS: Yes, sweet. Great. I have my full movement, right? Can I come out of the room and start making my way toward this area?

MATT: Sure. 50 is about right here.

TRAVIS: That sounds great. And this is a solid column? There's no way in there?

MATT: It is solid, but there's no roof on it. It's an open cylinder, almost like a small cylindrical bunker. It's about six feet tall.

TRAVIS: Okay, so you could--

MATT: Yeah, you could use it for cover or use it to hide. The other ones, though, with the towers on top, are solid. Even though they have windows there, imagine those have no entry. They're just a platform for the towers generating electricity. Does that end your turn, Grog? All right, that brings us to Vax.

LIAM: Well, you didn't-- I asked a very specific question and I need an answer. Yeah. Before I can make a call.

MATT: All right. There are stairs that spiral up.

LIAM: Aw, great. Thanks.

SAM: I've never seen someone so disappointed at stairs before.

MARISHA: We've got an idea of where he is.

LIAM: Yeah, that's why I threw the phone down.

MATT: I'm sorry. This works for a certain point before I'm like, all right.

LIAM: I know, I know. That's my magic power. Some people turn into monsters, some people hide.

SAM: Your magic power is your wit.

LIAM: All right, hold on. I'm doing my fucking move!

TRAVIS: Wait a minute. If you die, do you come back 30 minutes later, naked, out of the woods?

MATT: 24 hours, yeah. But he still loses the Battle Royale.

MARISHA: I was going to say, does he win the battle? Just waits?

TRAVIS: Walks out naked. Lord Colville is like, "I am pleased."

LIAM: Coming at you. Okay, that's what I'm doing.

MATT: Okay, got you. All right, that ends Vax's turn. Keyleth, you're up.

MARISHA: Oh, shit. I want to go, hm. Bink, bink. Oh hey, Scanlan! (laser noise)

MATT: You're going to Sunbeam the gnome?

MARISHA: I'm going to Sunbeam the gnome.

MATT: Scanlan, as you're sitting there hiding--

SAM: She cannot see me.

MATT: This giant earth elemental comes around the corner, that you know to be Keyleth, and looks in the general space you are and fires a beam in the direction where you are. And it's wide enough to hit you. So you gather, in that brief moment before you get completely enveloped by burning, radiant energy, "Oh shit, she knows where I am." Make a constitution saving throw, please.

SAM: Can I Counterspell that?

MATT: Yeah you can.

SAM: Okay, I will Counterspell that at level four.

MARISHA: Wait, but I've already cast it. It's a concentration spell.

MATT: That's true. No.

SAM: It just happens?

MATT: Yeah. You're right. Thank you for reminding me of that. Yeah, make a constitution saving throw.

SAM: Constitution saving throw! First blood. 22.

MARISHA: Fuck! Yeah, you save against it.

MATT: Okay, so you're not blinded.

SAM: Great, that's good.

MATT: And you take half damage.

TALIESIN: But he becomes visible, right?

MATT: No. Once we get the damage in, he has to make a concentration check.

MARISHA: 27 plus five, so 32.

MATT: 32, so 16 points of radiant damage and I need you to make a constitution saving throw, with advantage because you're a war caster.

MARISHA: He already did. Oh no, wait. Oh, concentration.

SAM: Another 22.

MATT: All right, you're fine. You maintain concentration on Invisibility. All right.

MARISHA: And I'm going to use the rest of my movement to go--

TALIESIN: I have lost two of my most powerful weapons already in one round.

MARISHA: I'll go there.

TALIESIN: Damn. It's okay, but I've lost two of my most powerful weapons already. Shit.

MARISHA: What did you lose?

TALIESIN: I lost my Spider Climbing and I lost my Silence.

MARISHA: Oh, your Spider Climbing is gone too? That sucks.

SAM: But your most powerful weapon is your wit, just like Liam!

LIAM: I'm just trying to live to intermission. Come on.

MATT: So Keyleth, is that your turn? All right, you moved around that way. Top of the round. Oh, you do have a bonus action still, yeah.

MARISHA: No, I don't have anything to do. Never mind.

MATT: Percival, you're up.

TALIESIN: Man, okay. I have 30 bits of movement. I'm irritated. Can I make it to that door? No, I can't make it to the door in one round, can I. I'm going to-- shit, this is awkward. I've seen what those things do already and I know they're about to do it again.

TRAVIS: The first time it was after me and the second time it was right before me.

SAM: Why is this so stressful?! We already beat the bad guy!

MATT: But now you're beating the ultimate villain: yourselves.

TALIESIN: There is nothing good I can do. I'm going to start making my way over here and try and make it to against, not quite to the door, but to the wall.

MATT: 30. You get to about there with your movement.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I want to be one over.

MATT: Yeah, so one over this way?

TALIESIN: Because I know that thing's got a radiant kick.

MATT: Okay. All right, that's your movement.

TALIESIN: And then for my action--

MATT: You do, as you turn the corner, glance over and you see a large earth elemental around the corner, stomping within visual range.

TRAVIS: If you also want to see something pretty, you look behind you, girl. I'm sitting over here flexing.

MATT: That's true, and you do see Grog across the water that way.

TALIESIN: Okay, I'm going to spend the rest of my movement, then-- oh fuck, there is no good thing. That door is locked, I'm sure it is.

MATT: Well that's 30 feet right there.

TALIESIN: Well I have an action still. Since I'm here, I'm actually going to take a few potshots at Keyleth for fun.

SAM: Yes you will! First blood!

MATT: So you have four attacks.

MARISHA: Are you going to say that every time someone gets hit?

SAM: Yes.

MATT: Which weapon are you using?

TALIESIN: I'm using Bad News because the distance. First shot is-- I'm actually going to do a deadeye shot to gain advantage. Actually, that's not fun. Yeah, deadeye to gain advantage. Here we go for that. And that crits! So I'm going to use that crit. I'm also going to drop all of Cabal's Ruin, the entire run of Cabal's Ruin into that.

SAM: Oh, shit! All right, it's begun.

MARISHA: Might want to save your shit, but all right.

TALIESIN: Cabal's Ruin is best used early. He knows why.

LIAM: Sam, your face folded in the shirt is terrifying. It's better flattened out, but with four folds in it? Terrible.

TRAVIS: I like that right nipple coming through.

TALIESIN: Actually, that's technically, those are not d12s. These are d12s. I really should have four of these, but I'll do two and remember to-- I have to double all these dice, so here we go. Time to be a real jerk.

MATT: Well, Taliesin, here's the weird thing. Cabal's Ruin currently has no effect.

TRAVIS: Oh, you got fucking smoked by the purple shit!

TALIESIN: Would that have emptied it?

MATT: It currently lays against you like a normal cloak.

SAM: You don't know. You don't know!

MATT: But you still get the shot off so you can roll damage on that.

TRAVIS: Oh my god.

LIAM: Yeah, I don't know. I'm in this building over here.

SAM: Oh, are you?

LIAM: Yes.

TALIESIN: Okay, that's fine.

TRAVIS: I need to keep living in those places. I don't know what it does, though.

TALIESIN: That's 27 points of damage.

MATT: Piercing damage? Which, non-magical, you're resistant to.

TALIESIN: Whole theory of that was to throw Cabal into that.

MATT: So you would take 13 points of piercing damage for the first hit.

TALIESIN: That is irritating.

MATT: You still have three more attacks.

TALIESIN: I'm going to use one of those attacks to reload.

TRAVIS: How many points, Keyleth?


SAM: Ooh, first blood!

MATT: You watch (gunshot). You see bits and pieces of the outer-shelled armor of the earth elemental fracture and spiral off. Minimal impact.

TALIESIN: All right, and then I'm going to take another shot and reload. This will be third and fourth attack, shot and reload. At Grog! Because that was disappointing. And I'm going to do a push-back because I'm curious to see what happens when he-- I think that'll almost get him to hit the edge.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: So let's see what ten feet does to him. Yeah. I'm just curious. You're near the edge, sorry. Nothing personal. That's 28 to hit.

MATT: I'm pretty sure that hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

TALIESIN: Oh, that's not bad at all. You're fine. That's 15 points of damage and you move ten feet away from me.

MATT: Okay, so as you take half that because you're raging, you get pushed five, ten into the barrier. Make a constitution saving throw.

TRAVIS: 30. 18 plus 12.

MATT: Okay, so you succeed. So you take-- that was a very balanced roll. Like, six, six, six! Two, two, one. 23 points of force damage, halved. 23 would be halved, so 11, and you do not get pushed. As it slaps you into it, it slams into your back and you feel it forcing you away from it at a much harder rate than you were forced into it, but you manage to hold firm on the ground and not get pushed forward.

TRAVIS: Into the water?

SAM: Or whatever that substance is.


MATT: All right. So that's your turn. Scanlan, you're up.

SAM: I'm up? Okay, knowing where she is with my tremor sense and just having seen her walk through there--

MATT: You watched her walk around.

SAM: I'm going to peek around the corner and I'm going to, even if it kills my Invisibility-- oh wait! First I'm going to bonus action heal myself. Healing Word.

MATT: Okay, this will break your Invisibility. So level two?

SAM: Level two, yeah. Why not.

MATT: I just assume at this point. So 2d4 plus six.

SAM: Ooh, four and a four! Okay, that's 14. I'm back up. For my action, I will start singing. (singing) If you want my body and you think I'm sexy, baby then start to dance! (normal) And I will cast Irresistible Dance on her. Through the Hand Cone, by the way.

MATT: So hearing Scanlan's song, Marisha, there is no roll because it is irresistible. Your earth elemental form begins tapping a heavy stone foot. (impacts) You start turning into your own version of STOMP, a one-elemental show. Slamming into the ground to the beat, maintaining it although he stopped singing, you're feeling it. Hold on, let me see here. Let me check one thing.

SAM: I can't even find it in the book.

MATT: Let me check one thing just to be sure because she's an elemental and that may or may not have an impact on this.

SAM: I can't find it in the book. Is it not in the book?

TALIESIN: Irresistible Dance. It might be in the new book.

MATT: All right, yes. So you are not immune to charm, so you're fine. So you can't move.

SAM: Oh, she can only move.

MATT: That's true. So on your turn, you have to use all your movement to dance without leaving your space. So you're unable to move from that spot until you get rid of the spell.

MARISHA: Can I do the Locomotion and do a traveling dance?

MATT: You can, as long as it's in that space. So you can do a little box-slide into that five-foot square and you're fine.

MARISHA: How long does this last?

MATT: It lasts until you spend an action to try and make a saving throw to resist it.

MARISHA: I have to spend an action?

MATT: Yeah. You also have disadvantage on dexterity saving throws while this is happening. So you can't move. You still have your action and you can still cast spells from it, but until you spend an action to try and make a saving throw--

MARISHA: What kind of saving throw?

MATT: This would be a wisdom saving throw.

TRAVIS: What if someone hits her?

MATT: Doesn't matter. So Scanlan--

SAM: I'm going to use whatever movement I have to hide again behind this little--

MATT: Okay, that's about as far as you can get. Okay, that ends your go? Top of the round. Grog, you're up. The torches at the base of the tower begin to flare up and then (explosion). You watch as all the space around the outside of the tower radiates with burning flame, affecting nobody. But you get the sense that there are elements to this field you have to use to your advantage or avoid altogether.

TRAVIS: Good to know. Fire death.

MATT: Grog, as you see this flare burn around you and then dissipate, it's your turn.

TRAVIS: Oh God, I was like, what? I'm sorry! Can I use my action and dash to run all the way over to this spot, please? Great. And that will--

SAM: Where are you going? She's pinned down, dude! We need you over here!

TRAVIS: That will complete my turn.

MATT: Vax, you're up.

LIAM: All right, here it comes. Boop!

MARISHA: Jesus. Such a fascinating game.

LIAM: You guys are fucking dicks. I chose rogue. This is what I can do! That's it! I don't have any other shit I can do! This is it. I am defensive!

TRAVIS: You haven't even been touched yet.

TALIESIN: All of us have taken a little.

LIAM: Raven Queen take me. Okay.

MATT: So that's what you see.

MARISHA: Give it time, dude.

MATT: You're on deck, Keyleth.

LIAM: Good, good. Am I out of stuff?

MATT: No, you still have your action.

LIAM: Okay, this is real quick. I just have one last note.

MATT: Okay. Got it. All right. Keyleth, you're up.

MARISHA: Okay, I don't see anyone.

MATT: Nope. Scanlan is making you dance and then goes like, do-do-do! And disappears behind the pillars.

MARISHA: In my, what is it called?

MATT: Irresistible Dance.

SAM: Otto's Irresistible Dance.

MARISHA: In my Terran language I say, You fucking asshole! And as I'm dancing I'm going to try and make my wisdom saving throw because I can't do anything else.

MATT: Go for it.

MARISHA: Don't fuck me, Gil! You totally fucked me! No, wait! No, you kind of fucked me. What's seven plus 14? 21.

MATT: The DC is?

SAM: 22.

MATT: 22, you do not succeed.

TRAVIS: You got high wisdom, yo!

MATT: You're just grooving out!

LIAM: Just stand there and hang out until three hours of this game are up.

MARISHA: Question. Because it's cast on my elemental form, if I switch wild shapes, will it go away?

MATT: Only one way to find out.

MARISHA: Okay. I'll use my bonus action to turn into a fire elemental.

MATT: As your form shifts into that of a moving, grooving fire elemental, you continue dancing in place. But now it's less STOMP and more really smooth, soft rave dancing.

LIAM: It's like at Burning Man.

MATT: Essentially. That ends Keyleth's turn. Percy, you're up. Percival, the cloak: the energy returns to it. You feel the boots solidify back in place and no sound.

TALIESIN: That will do. I'm going to run around to the door.

MARISHA: It only knocks it out for a round? Or for when it's turned on?

MATT: All magical items, all effects, it seems.

TALIESIN: I'm going to snap.

MATT: No sound.

TALIESIN: All right. Is the door open or is the door not open?

MATT: The door's closed.

TALIESIN: I'm going to use Animus to open the lock.

MATT: Okay. Make an attack with it.

TALIESIN: Don't fuck me, that's 29 to hit.

MATT: Yeah, no, roll damage.

TALIESIN: I assume the door cannot take psychic damage.

MATT: The door doesn't take psychic damage.

TRAVIS: Are you sure? You've got a big vendetta against doors.

TALIESIN: 17 damage to the lock.

MATT: You fire, no sound. The door opens with a creak, no sound. The chamber within reveals a chest in the corner.

TALIESIN: I'm going to run in, shut the door. It's going to be an action to open that chest, isn't it? Okay. I'm going to hide behind the door, so if it opens.

MATT: You hide off to this side, waiting.

TALIESIN: I'm just being careful.

MARISHA: I have a question. Would Freedom of Movement negate the dance spell? It says, "For the duration, the target is unaffected by difficult terrain and spells and other magical effects can neither reduce the target's speed nor cause the target to be paralyzed or restrained."

MATT: Technically, it's not reducing your movement. You're just spending your turn dancing in place.

MARISHA: Damn it!

TRAVIS: That's amazing!

MARISHA: I love this DJ!

MATT: This spell is worded apparently to just skirt around Freedom of Movement. You can move, you just don't want to. You're Flashdancing in there!

LIAM: Best fiery running man ever!

MATT: That ends Percy's turn. Scanlan, you're up.

SAM: I become an ancient brass dragon. True Polymorph is not a concentration spell, right? It just happens.

MATT: True Polymorph is concentration.

SAM: So she would stop dancing?

MATT: Correct.

SAM: Then I'm not going to do that. Shit.

MARISHA: You know what? I'll take that!

TALIESIN: I'm not going to be a brass dragon! I'm going to be me.

MARISHA: Enjoy the show, Scanlan!

SAM: Sorry, Matt, sorry.

MATT: That's okay. The brass dragon figure goes back on the table.

SAM: You have an ancient brass dragon at the ready?!

TRAVIS: Of course he does!

TALIESIN: Have you seen his office? It's basically brass dragons.

MARISHA: Technically my office, so it's an even stronger statement.

MATT: Sorry. It's getting better! No, it's not.

SAM: Well, in that case, I will-- poo.

MATT: Do you shake it out of your pant leg?

LIAM: Rabbit pellets.

SAM: I want to roast her! She's pinned down, man! We got her right now, guys, this is it!

TALIESIN: We can't hear you.

MATT: You do all have the earrings in!

TALIESIN: But I certainly can't hear him.

TRAVIS: Oh, we do have the earrings in?

MATT: Yeah, you've got everything you have.

TRAVIS: Oh we can talk shit while we play?!

MATT: Yeah, you can!

TALIESIN: I can't hear anything you say.

TRAVIS: I'm going to teabag you when you're dead.

MATT: Scanlan, what you got? Grog, you're on deck.

SAM: I will say, though the earrings, She's open, let's kill her. Trust me, I won't kill you if you get close.

LIAM: "That's the thing, though, guys, I'm a really good liar."

SAM: I'll lean out and Lightning Bolt her.

MATT: Go for it.

LIAM: Is this out of the dick?

SAM: Of course. No, I'm sensitive to the plight of women. I will do it in a gentle bow.

MARISHA: You just m'lady lightning struck me?

LIAM: Tip of the hat.

MATT: M'lightning bolt. It is the m'lightning bolt.


MATT: And thus, a class begins to percolate in my head. Scanlan, 8d6.

LIAM: We peaked at the 35 minute mark.

MATT: The Bardic School of White Knighting.

LIAM: The m'lightning bolt. Artists, I've never asked for anything specific. But now.

SAM: 26.

MATT: I need you to roll a dexterity saving throw with disadvantage because you're dancing.

MARISHA: This is so great. No, that was a natural one. So I take it. How much was it?

MATT: 26 points of lightning damage to your fiery form.

SAM: Do elementals maintain their damage level? If she goes back to stone, does it halve the damage that it had?


SAM: Damn!

LIAM: Get it out of your head that you're going to win. Just have fun on the ride.

SAM: If we're all over here, we can do it!

TALIESIN: It's like a rollercoaster where you know that they haven't finished the last ten feet of track.

TRAVIS: He's just going to come out from wherever he is and help you right now.

SAM: She's there, man!

LIAM: You all are going to die, and I'm going to come out and embrace my girlfriend and let her kill me. That's how this game is going to go.

MARISHA: You would do that for me?

LIAM: Let her think that.


MARISHA: That's true love, right there.

SAM: I'm going to turn back behind there.

MATT: You're just boop! Okay, that ends your turn. Top of the round. Grog, as you are coming around the way, you see a familiar sparking of lightning energy as the two lightning towers blast off a radius of lightning energy. But no one's in the radius to be affected by it. That brings it to your turn.

TRAVIS: I would like to smash the door with my bloodaxe.

MATT: Make an attack.

TRAVIS: Yeah, either one of those.

SAM: In the distance, do we hear another door breaking?

TRAVIS: 21 points of damage.

MATT: You do. Another heavy hit right after the bolt of lighting dissipates over the horizon, you see splintered woods as an axe swings over the range of the nearby roof of that building. You hear an angry goliath yell as the door is sundered, opening to the chamber within.

TRAVIS: May I entrez-vous, please? I will end my turn.

MATT: All right. Vax.

LIAM: Coming at you. It's so good. I'm going to win on this move. Okay.

TRAVIS: I'm going to mime it.

SAM: I'm single-handedly first blood-ing over here! I'm first blood-ing everybody!

MATT: Scanlan is playing the exact opposite as he did as Taryon in the last one!

SAM: Yep!

MARISHA: Switching masks.

TRAVIS: Are you writing a paragraph?

LIAM: A short one.

SAM: Dear Matt, check this box if you like me.

MATT: Okay, so that ends your turn. Keyleth, you're up.

MARISHA: Give me this shit! I want to save from it! Natural 20!

MATT: And with that, you have your movement back.

SAM: Oh no.

MARISHA: (grunting)

TALIESIN: You still have movement and a bonus action.

MATT: Yep.

MARISHA: Bink! Do I see Scanlan?

MATT: You do.

MARISHA: (laser noise)

LIAM: Did you just make that noise?

SAM: Yeah, what's that noise?

MARISHA: Sorry. Sunbeam!

MATT: No, you don't have another action because you used your action to resist the spell.

MARISHA: Oh! I have a bonus though. I will use my bonus to go back to earth elemental.

MATT: Which, previously, Keyleth had two elemental forms before she had to make a short rest. 20th-level Keyleth has just transformed into her third form.

LIAM: Zero fucks.

TRAVIS: Does that mean she can go earth elemental again, or is that it?

MATT: At full health. You get the sense now, and you've heard of such rumors in your research as a bard, that certain powerful archdruids can wild shape as many times as they want.

MARISHA: This is open, right? Can I do a big old jump into it? I do that.

LIAM: Sphere of Annihilation!

MATT: All right, that's your turn.

MARISHA: Don't fuck with me like that! I took you seriously for a good two seconds!

TRAVIS: One little marble you didn't see.

LIAM: That's the biggest disappointment you have tonight. You did all right.

SAM: Are there doors on that thing?

MATT: Percy, you're up. No, it's a solid wall about six feet tall, which you can see Keyleth peeking over the top a little bit.

TALIESIN: So I'm going to open that chest.

MATT: All right, you open the chest and you acquire a potion of superior healing.

TALIESIN: Thank you. And that's how many feet? That's like five. So I can now, I have a little bit of movement to leave. Ten, 15, 20. So I can at least use 20 to get to that corner there. Yeah, toward me. There, just there. Do I see Scanlan or is he still invisible?

MATT: No, he's not invisible anymore. You see him.

TALIESIN: Oh, so I see him right there? I still have ten feet of movement after that. Cool. I am going to shoot Scanlan.

SAM: Nice.

TALIESIN: I'm going to shoot Scanlan. Let's use Bad News for-- actually, let's use, oh this'll be fun. Let's do Animus, sharpshooter, and deadeye, just for fun. Animus, sharpshooter, deadeye.

SAM: I will Cutting Words this first shot.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: I can't hear him.

MATT: Well, and you're further than 60 feet from him, I think, actually. Yeah, so it wouldn't work.

TALIESIN: Animus, sharpshooter, dead shot. Oh, you're so lucky that didn't crit. 28 to hit.

MATT: 28 to hit.

TALIESIN: That's 1d10 plus 1d6 psychic, plus I'm going to-- eh, not on this one. This is shot number one. So that's, oh, that's terrible. I'm glad I did not. That's nine points of damage plus one point of psychic, so that's ten points of damage.

SAM: Are you adding these up? Because I'm not.

MATT: You take ten points of damage.

TALIESIN: For your next shot--

MATT: You don't hear anything. All of a sudden--

TALIESIN: You take 20 points of damage because that was sharpshooter. 20, excuse me.

MATT: So you take 20 points of damage and the (impact and grunting). And you glance over your shoulder and you can see across the way, there's Percival, gun up, but you've heard no gunfire.

TALIESIN: Next shot. Same thing. Also didn't crit. You're very lucky. That also hits. That's 29 to hit and then the same thing, 1d10 plus 1d6 plus 18. 26 points of damage.

MATT: 26 points of damage.

TALIESIN: And I'll do the same thing one more time.

SAM: I'm the wrong target!

TALIESIN: Natural 20! You've just been critted. And I'm going to drop all of Cabal's Ruin into this as well. So that's (counting) 40 points of damage and now the 10d6 lightning damage. Does that get doubled or does that stay normal?

MATT: Lightning damage also gets doubled.

MARISHA: Oh, those were good rolls, too!

TALIESIN: Plus 33 lightning damage on top of that.

MATT: 33 is doubled, so 66 points.

TALIESIN: 66 lightning damage on top of that.

SAM: On top of what? I'm not adding your shit.

TALIESIN: 41 plus 66.

SAM: How is it 41? It was 40 before.

TALIESIN: Was it 40? 40 plus 66.

MATT: So 106 points of damage from that shot.

TALIESIN: 106 points of damage on that shot. Oh, I get my grit back on that, so that's nice. Ten. Cabal's empty. And for my final shot, (evil laughter).

TRAVIS: You know we kind of need Scanlan to take down Keyleth, right?

SAM: It's all good. This is how he wants to play it.

MARISHA: Come on, believe in yourself, man.

SAM: Taliesin's been trying to do this for months.

TRAVIS: Don't make Taliesin get up at 5:30 anymore. It's not good for anyone.

LIAM: This might push you toward chaotic good.

TALIESIN: For my final shot, I'm going to reload and hide.

MATT: Okay. You reload.

LIAM: Full action to hide?

MATT: Well, he's not actually using a hide action. He just goes into a chamber.

TALIESIN: It's going to take him so long to get to me. And if I get within ten feet of him, there's nothing he can do.

MATT: So Percival, that's the end of your turn? Scanlan, you're up. You watched this earth elemental dive into the tower right next to you in this open space. You get shot the fuck up. You're covered in your own blood and you watch Percival in the distance slink out of sight. And you're hurting bad.

SAM: Yeah, I am. Mm, don't have lots of good options. Oh boy.

TALIESIN: I beat him up for you.

MARISHA: You did. Very much so.

TALIESIN: So you're either going to kill him next round or he's going to do it to you.

SAM: Bonus action, 2nd-level Healing Word. Uh-huh, got to get back in the game.

TALIESIN: Roll that d4.

SAM: Five plus six, 11 points. Yeah.

MATT: There you go. Heal up 11 points of damage. Hey, it all adds up.

TALIESIN: I'll make it go away again.

SAM: Let's see here. What to do?

TALIESIN: That was so pleasing.

TRAVIS: 106 points!

TALIESIN: One shot! I did three shots.

MATT: I'll keep this on deck just in case. Ancient brass dragon. Just chilling on the side. You're on deck, Grog.

TRAVIS: I'm texting you my turn.

MARISHA: Who's on deck? You are?

SAM: I need some healing. So. Shit. I've got to get away from Keyleth. I've got to get healed.

MARISHA: No, stay. Hang out.

SAM: I will Dimension Door to the opposite circular tower.

MATT: The opposite circular tower?

SAM: Yes, behind it.

MATT: All righty. Hand me the piece? All righty. That's your action.

SAM: That's my action. That's it.

MATT: Grog. At the top of your turn, actually, nothing happens because none of you-- all of you are not able to see anything happen. Grog, it's your turn.

TRAVIS: I would like to open the chest.

MATT: You pull it open. Potion of Superior Healing.

TRAVIS: Hey, look at that.

MATT: I also want you to make a constitution saving throw.


MATT: 19? Wasn't a great roll. You take 20 points of poison damage. Halved, because of your belt.

TRAVIS: Oh, I do have resistance because of the belt! Yes, thank you. So ten.

MATT: And you are currently poisoned.

TRAVIS: Damn, son! From what, homie?

MATT: As you open the chest, this dark black-purple smoke billows out as you grab and pull the potion out of it. Almost like a trigger or something. It fills your nose, your lungs. You're coughing and it seizes the inside of your chest. And so you are currently poisoned.

TRAVIS: Cool. Can I use my movement to run out and toward this hallway? See how far I get.

MATT: You can get right inside, if you want.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'll stay just outside of it.

MATT: Okay, you're hanging right there, just on the outskirts.

SAM: Do I see him?

TRAVIS: Yeah, I see you! Hey, Scanlan.

SAM: Does he see me?

MATT: No, because you were hiding behind the side and he rushed right to the hallway.

TRAVIS: He's right behind me.

MATT: I'll say because you weren't hiding and as part of the battlefield here, glancing about, he does see you because you do not have a hide action.

SAM: Okay.

TRAVIS: To be clear, I see you, and then I turn my back on you.

SAM: Like a matador?

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'm not focused on you right now.

TALIESIN: He's not mad at a door.

TRAVIS: I mean I can look at you if you want me to.

MATT: Ends Grog's turn.

LIAM: It's already sent.

TALIESIN: That's awful.

MARISHA: That's pretty bad, man. That's real bad.

TALIESIN: I don't feel like a good person anymore.

LIAM: Does that make sense?

SAM: Pawn to rook four.

TALIESIN: What? Yahtzee?

SAM: Woodchuck to gray squirrel, woodchuck to gray squirrel.

MATT: All right, I see what you're doing. That's your turn. Keyleth.

MARISHA: Do I feel anything around me?

MATT: Currently? What's the tremor sense?

MARISHA: 60 feet.

MATT: 60 feet? No movement. At all.

TALIESIN: Even the tower? 60 feet?

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: All right.


SAM: Five master D&D players!

MARISHA: And no one's been in here, right? You tried to go in there and then failed?

SAM: I tried the doorknob. I didn't really give it all the effort.

MARISHA: I'm going to go (roars) and then use my siege abilities to just beat down the wall.

MARISHA: First one is 20 total. No, I'm sorry, 22 total.

MATT: Yeah, that hits. Roll damage and then double it. Percy, you're on deck.

MARISHA: Five plus seven is 12, 24 plus five.

MATT: Yeah, you just punch the door in and your fist goes through it and you have to pull it off the hinges and shake it off of your giant battering ram-like fist. The door opens, reveals a singular chest against the other wall.

MARISHA: Okay, I'll go ahead and open that.

MATT: Well, it's an action to open it, but you can move up. What's your movement as an earth elemental?

MARISHA: 30 feet walking.

MATT: 30 feet? Yeah, you'd be able to just get up to the chest but you don't have another action to open it.

MARISHA: Okay. This is like a building, right?

MATT: Yeah, you're having to duck down to get in there. It's about ten feet tall and you're like eleven-foot tall as an earth elemental, probably littler than 12, so you're crouched down a little bit.

MARISHA: Okay, I'm in there then.

MATT: That ends your turn, Percival, you're up.

TALIESIN: Okay, I'm going to take this opportunity to head out of the room and I want to climb up on top of this building. Then right up to this corner right here. Actually, this corner right there.

MATT: Yeah, that's the end of your movement, you'll be able to get there.

TALIESIN: Can I see Grog?

MATT: Currently no, you can not.

TALIESIN: I can't see anybody.

MATT: Nope. You have no sight on anybody. You get to the top, aim, and the battlefield's quiet and empty and you're like, "Ah, fuck."

SAM: You can't see Keyleth popping out of the--

TALIESIN: No, she's inside. I'm going to go to the center of it and if I could use my action to lay down and hide if that's possible?

MATT: Well, your movement's there so you can't move any further.

TALIESIN: Okay, I'm going to lay down and, since I'm on the roof, pull down to the roof and see if I can get cover.

MATT: Okay. Are you trying to hide, or are you just trying to give yourself cover?


MATT: So you're going prone.

TALIESIN: I'm going prone and I want to keep an eye on that front door.

LIAM: It's movement to go up, is it movement to go down?

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: Got any left? Got any movement left? To go prone?

MATT: Well, no, to drop prone is fine. To get up out of prone is just dropping to the ground.

MARISHA: Is he close enough to where I feel a body go (thud)?

TALIESIN: I'm also completely silenced. Ten feet all around me are completely silenced.

MATT: I know. Silence is different than vibration. Unfortunately. I mean, it is vibration in the air, but that's not going to stop vibration in the ground. It just dampens the sound. Nope. He's just outside of it, so you feel nothing.

MARISHA: Damn it!

TALIESIN: I'm going to keep an eye on that tower, and if I see any movement I'm going to unload an action on anything I see.

MATT: Got it. Make a general perception check for me, if you don't mind.

TALIESIN: I'm going to use one of my resolve. That's a save.

MATT: Saving throw, yeah, sorry.

TALIESIN: Okay, perception. That's a 14.

MATT: Ending Percy's turn, Scanlan, you're up.

SAM: I'm going to cast Healing Word on myself, at level one.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: That is the coward's way.

SAM: It's three plus six, right?

MATT: Yes.

SAM: Great, awesome, nine more points, guys! I can see Grog. I could take a pot shot at him, but that would just kick the hornet's nest a bit.

MATT: You think?

SAM: I could score eight points of damage on him and then die.

MATT: Yeah. You'd die.

SAM: I need to just heal. In that case, I will dominate Grog.

MATT: Make an intelligence check.

SAM: Oh wait, shit, no, I can't do that. Is he worked up, is he raging, can I tell?

MATT: Oh, yeah, he's going (huffing).

SAM: Okay, forget that then.

MATT: Yeah, you've worked with him enough to know that while he's raging charm effects--

SAM: Forget it.

MATT: Sorry. I'm giving you guys benefit of the doubt that you've all worked together enough to the point where you do notice elements of techniques and tells. Because it's helped you in the past.

SAM: I could put on my hat of disguise.


MARISHA: What did Matt just say! We all know you have that!

SAM: No, just so that you guys would think I'm a kindly old man who just walked onto the battlefield.

TALIESIN: Yeah, let's see how well that goes.

LIAM: Grog, put down your weapon!

MATT: Let me tell you. If there's anything to turn Vox Machina away, it's elderly people.

LIAM: I was going to kill my friends, but now there's this woman here.

SAM: If I use my bonus action Healing Word, to heal myself, can I also use my action to cast a higher level healing word on myself? Or is that--

MATT: No, it's a bonus action, it's used. Sorry.

SAM: Okay. Then I will cast Minor Image. Minor Illusion or whatever it's called. That only has 60-feet range, 30-feet range, 60-feet range?

MARISHA: I smell so bad. I'm sweating so much.

TALIESIN: You're fine! There's nothing.

MARISHA: I need deodorant.

SAM: Shit. You know what, I'll do Major Image then. Fine. Fuck it. I'm going to do Major Image and it's going to sure look like Scanlan is just walking right out to the edge of the water right there. Not from there.

TALIESIN: Use the cake.

SAM: He's just going to appear right there, he's going to come out from around that corner and look out like he's looking for a target.

MATT: Percival, glancing over you can see Scanlan emerges from around the corner, keeping an eye, looking around the battlefield, and doesn't seem to notice you're there.

SAM: You have to shoot.

MATT: Well, he wasn't holding an action.

SAM: I thought you said you were holding your action.

TALIESIN: I'm holding an action for the tower.

SAM: Got it. Wait, for the tower? I thought you said "I'm holding an action until I see anyone."

TALIESIN: I'm keeping an eye on the tower because that's where I'm heading next.

SAM: Okay. That's my action then. I'm done.

TALIESIN: Don't worry, I will shoot at you.

MATT: Grog. Top of your round. You watch as the braziers at the base of the tower flare up and flames consume this outer area just on the outskirts. Not the top, but just the surrounding area of the tower and then die down, the walls of flame burning to an ember and then vanishing. It's your turn.

TRAVIS: Can I come inside here. Can you step on that?

MATT: It's a small, a sigil raised platform.

TALIESIN: Do it. I dare you.

TRAVIS: I mean, I'm just curious. I mean it's hard to--

TALIESIN: Say yes. When in doubt, say yes. What's the worst thing that can happen? Other than your spells get disenchanted.

MARISHA: Yes and, Travis.

TRAVIS: I'll go through the portal.

MATT: Okay. Out the other side you emerge.

TRAVIS: Can I head this way? Can I dash and continue my action and head towards--


TRAVIS: Head down this way.

MATT: You get right up-- oh god. You get right about there.

TRAVIS: Can I use my bonus action to use my boots of feral leaping to jump into the doorway?

MATT: Sure.


MATT: Make an athletics check to see if it succeeds.

TALIESIN: I admire your commitment.


MATT: Okay. Now I need you to make an acrobatics check for me because it is a very small doorframe you're trying to leap into.

TRAVIS: Oh, it's just the one. 13.

MATT: You do jump, but your head and shoulders slam into the doorframe. So you get the additional leap. You're now in the doorframe, you're blocking it off. You have a little bit of extra movement, but that's as far as you can get. You have a ringing in your ears and you're like, "That smarts a little bit."

TRAVIS: That's my whole action.

MATT: You, as you're there by the chest, you hear (grunting). You turn around and see Grog in the doorway like (grunting), looking at you right in the face.

MARISHA: In Terran I say: Hey Grog!


MATT: That finishes Grog's turn. Vax?

LIAM: Quick question! Already sent.

MATT: First question: no.

LIAM: Okay.

SAM: Second question: six inches soft.


LIAM: Is that true?! Tell me after. Okay.

TALIESIN: Wow, man!

MATT: Text your actions!

TALIESIN: Mid-game! You're asking to get fucked with!

SAM: Third question.

LIAM: Yeah, no.

SAM: Shaved.

MATT: Jesus! Okay. Good to know. That brings us to Keyleth.


MATT: You're now between a chest and blocked door frame with Grog in it.

SAM: Wait. How the fuck did Grog get all the way over there?!

TRAVIS: Through the portal over here.

SAM: That's amazing!

TRAVIS: I was coming!

TALIESIN: Don't call it a comeback, he's been there for years.

SAM: That's true.

LIAM: Vax is somewhere going: You got this.

MATT: Oh, I keep forgetting to ask you. Make a concentration check when you took damage as a fire elemental with advantage.

SAM: If it's anything like Hide & Seek, you'd probably be like: I really have to pee right now.

LIAM: I would just do it.

MARISHA: Yeah, I'm good.

MATT: With the fire elemental's constitution.

MARISHA: Yeah, that's even better. What do I have to make? I keep my spell attack, right?

MATT: Yeah, I wanted to see if you lost concentration on the Sunbeam.

MARISHA: No, I'm good.

MATT: All right, cool. It was 26 or 27 damage, so you would have to make a 13 or 14.

MARISHA: Yeah, then I just made it. No, I'm totally good.

MATT: What are you doing, Keyleth? You guys are playing it really safe now!

TRAVIS: I'm in the doorway with a giant earth elemental. I punched my ticket; I'm ready to ring the bell.

MATT: That's true.

SAM: I stuck my face out and I got 140 points of damage.

MATT: No, you-- okay.

TRAVIS: Keyleth's smug. Scanlan's like: Ugh!

MATT: I take it back. One of you is playing it real safe.

TALIESIN: We're aware!

SAM: He may not even be playing with us.

TALIESIN: He is on Twitter right now.

LIAM: (singing) I stealthed myself out of the narrative!


MATT: What're you doing, Keyleth?

MARISHA: Can I take Grog and use my slam attacks, my multiattack, to take him and body slam into this chest?

MATT: Sure, you can certainly try!

MARISHA: Yeah, sure!

TRAVIS: If I can jump and smash my head on the door like an idiot approaching you, might as well tit for tat.

MATT: You first attack would have to be a grapple attempt.

MARISHA: My strength versus his, yeah?

MATT: Your athletics versus his.

MARISHA: I'm just an elemental; it doesn't tell me that.

MATT: If the elemental doesn't have any athletic skill, then it's just your strength modifier. Go ahead and roll.

MARISHA: I rolled a natural 18. So that puts me at 23.


MATT: No shit?! I was not expecting that! Not with advantage! You reach out and grab, and you have Grog. Make your other slam attack.

MARISHA: Which is a slam attack to hit?

MATT: Correct.


MATT: 17, this is against the chest, technically. What's your armor class?


MATT: Yeah. Okay. You reach and grab Grog. You slam him and it destroys the chest. It splinters underneath. Roll your slam attack damage.

MARISHA: Which isn't great. Six plus three, nine, plus five, so 14 damage.

MATT: 14 points of bludgeoning damage to you, Grog.

TRAVIS: Seven.

MATT: You're not prone, but you are moved to the opposite side of her. The chest is shattered beneath you.

LIAM and SAM: Shit!

MARISHA: Did it release a poison trap in any way?

MATT: I need you to make a constitution saving throw. Grog, you make another one as all of a sudden, poison gas fills the entirety of the chamber around you as soon as you destroy this chest.

MARISHA: I'm immune to poison.

MATT: You are unaffected by any of it.

TRAVIS: That's cool. 29. 17 plus 12.

MATT: So you succeed.

SAM: Are you double poisoned?

TRAVIS: I guess so. Start stroking out here in a second.

MATT: 18 points of poison damage reduced to nine.

MARISHA: Does he take poison at the top of each turn?

MATT: No, but he's poisoned, so he has disadvantage on attacks and ability checks until he gets rid of the poison.

TRAVIS: Can I make a retaliation? Is that considered melee?

MATT: Against her? Yeah, I'll allow it.

TRAVIS: But I'm prone.

MATT: You're not prone. She just moved you over and slammed you into it. You managed to maneuver and get back on your feet, but your impact against the chest destroyed it and released the trap inside.

TRAVIS: I haven't been able to say this in a long time: Can I make this Reckless, Great Weapon Master?

MATT: You can, but you have disadvantage on the attack because of the poison, so it's just a single strike.


MARISHA: That hits for sure.

TALIESIN: It's going to make life complicated.

SAM: Yeah, I know!

TALIESIN: I've got shit I can do, but it's going to be tricky.

SAM: You have to see the people you're doing it to.


MATT: 32 points of slashing damage.

MARISHA: Ooh! It's pretty good!

TALIESIN: That was foolish of you. Well, I don't know. You always have a plan. I ain't going to push it.

SAM: I don't have a plan tonight.

TALIESIN: I don't believe you.

MARISHA: Did I break any potions that were under him when I slammed him into the chest?

MATT: Right now, the whole place is filled with poison smoke. You have no idea.

MARISHA: I'm going to take my movement to get the fuck out of here.

MATT: You have full movement, he already used his reaction so he doesn't get an attack of opportunity on you.

MARISHA: Can I go 20, use my bonus action to turn into a water elemental and then dive under this water?

TRAVIS: How many elementals can you turn into?

MARISHA: All of them.

TRAVIS: An unlimited number of times?

MARISHA: Yeah. Archdruid shit.

MATT: You are submerged in this water.

TALIESIN: It's why Scanlan's not dead yet. I just wanted to make him desperate.


MATT: That ends Keyleth's turn.

MARISHA: That ends my turn!

MATT: Percival, you're up. You turn around and you watch around the corner you have Scanlan peeking around one side and you have Keyleth coming out as an earth elemental, turning into a water elemental then disappearing beneath the surface of the water.

TALIESIN: I can't see anything else?

MATT: Nope. But you did hear the impact.

TALIESIN: No, I didn't.

MARISHA: Can't hear shit.

MATT: Oh, right. Silence, yeah.

TRAVIS: There's a giant tidal wave moving yonder.

TALIESIN: There's a bard over there. I'm going to take a jump onto that island.

MARISHA: I'm stealthing, if that was not clear. Hiding under there.

TALIESIN: Acrobatics check. That's 24.

MATT: 24.

TALIESIN: I'm going to spend the rest of my movement running straight up that tower.

MATT: Okay! As you enter the tower--

TALIESIN: I'm not entering the tower. I'm running up the tower. Sorry. My fault.

MATT: Ten, 15, 20, 25, 30.

TALIESIN: And then double run.

MATT: You're up on the tower now. As you get to the top of the tower, you glance over and the column of green energy that was left behind when Colville vanished sits there, creating this beam. This central, circular area right there is infused with soft, sparkling, greenish energy.

TALIESIN: Huh. I've been having bad luck with that lately.

TRAVIS: The whole top of the tower, or just the middle of it?

MATT: Just the center circle.

TRAVIS: Is there a latch?

MATT: There is a trap door over that.

TALIESIN: I'm going to take cover from Scanlan right there with what's left of my movement against one of the walls.

MATT: You back up against the wall.

TALIESIN: I'm backing up against the wall and that's my turn.

MATT: You currently have three-quarters cover in that space.

TALIESIN: Okay. That'll do.

MATT: Ending Percival's turn, Scanlan, you're up.

SAM: Bonus action: Healing Word.

MATT: Yes. So you're holding your Major Image of Scanlan out there right now. Grog, you saw enter the chamber and vanish into the doorway.

SAM: Do I know where that goes? No. I don't know how those things work. I heard a bunch of smashing kitty-corner to me and I haven't seen anything else.

MATT: Nope!

SAM: Cool.

TRAVIS: You could stand on that thing, though, the platform.

SAM: What?

TRAVIS: It looks super-magical, this thing. It's awesome. There's even little feet right here.

SAM: That sounds great.

TRAVIS: I don't know what those are. Are they boots?

MARISHA: Stand here. Yeah, you beat me to it!

SAM: I'm going to have Major Image Scanlan ice skate across the water in a jaunty way.

TRAVIS: Ice skating?

SAM: He's walking on water, as I've always wanted to do.

MARISHA and TRAVIS: You can do that?!

SAM: He's not a real thing.

TRAVIS: Oh, right.

SAM: He can do anything. He's going to walk across the water going, "Hey! Over here! Hey!" While he's creating that distraction, I'm going to peek around and see if I see anything around the tower.

MATT: Around this way?

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: You peek around the tower there.

SAM: Anything?

MATT: Make a perception check, please. I would like you to make a perception check as well.

SAM: 15.

MATT: You glance around. You can see, just on the top of the tower, shoulder against the area, the outer edge of Percival's form holding his gun up and taking cover right up on the side there.

SAM: Okay, I duck back.

LIAM: Where's my Colville die?

MATT: End of your turn, Scanlan?

SAM: That's it, yeah.

MATT: The flames burst from the braziers around the tower. The entire area incinerates around the outside.

TALIESIN: It did that last round.

MATT: You're right, I marked that incorrectly.

TALIESIN: I've been keeping track.

MATT: I forgot to mark that. You watch as the two separate towers give off a burst of lightning energy and do not affect anybody. Keyleth, you notice this. As you're inside the water, which is just regular water.


MATT: As you're swimming through it, regular water. Not terribly deep, it's about three or four feet deep. You're flattening form as a water elemental to hide beneath the surface. You get the sense the water around you is starting to vibrate a little bit. There's a strange effervescence to it that wasn't there a moment ago. That's all. Grog, you're up.

LIAM: I sent a question and the answer to your roll, too. Sorry.

TALIESIN: Wonderful bottle of Pellegrino for the table.

SAM: Naturally sparkling.

MATT: You rolled 27? You heard (footsteps).

TALIESIN: No, you wouldn't have heard. Ten feet.

MATT: That's right.

TALIESIN: Sorry, didn't hear it.

MATT: Nothing.

TRAVIS: Silent motherfucker. You're a goddamn Navy SEAL.

TALIESIN: This is why in a normal game this would be completely crippling me because anything could be happening and you could not tell me. But on a solo mission, it's pretty nice.

TRAVIS: In the room that I'm in, can I see anything on the floor since I've been poisoned fucking twice now?!

MATT: The cloud dissipates. You said you want to sift through the rubble?

TRAVIS: To see if there's a potion.

MATT: Make an investigation check.

TRAVIS: Hey! Minus how much? Two. 13!

MATT: You spend your action rummaging through the shattered remains of this. You find bits of the trap mechanism within there and you find a shattered glass vial with trace elements of a healing potion that has since been destroyed.

TRAVIS: Can I get down and (licking)?

MATT: You do! You get down there. You get a familiar weird medicinal, herbal flavor that is mingled with shards of glass that are gathering on the outskirts of your tongue.

TRAVIS: Not worth it. Okay. Yeah, let's see what happens. Can I run out of the room? I'm going to head towards the back portal. Actually, can I get to here? She's in the water, right? She's not sticking out some?

MATT: Make a perception check.

TRAVIS: Natural 20!

MATT: You glance over and you can see in the water the slight, very different movement of the water. You can basically see a slight form in there. Only because you rolled really high.

MARISHA: Man, you beat me last time with a really high roll.

TRAVIS: I'm an idiot, but you have to be really dumb to go chopping at the water with an axe. It's just water.

SAM: You would be just dumb enough to do that.

TALIESIN: Only a truly dumb person.

TRAVIS: She's just going to change again.

MATT: You used 25 of your movement, you still have 25 left. You've used your action.

TRAVIS: I'll keep running to the entranceway and I'll stay outside. Do I have any more movement?

MATT: You have five feet more.

TRAVIS: I can't get around the corner, right?

MATT: Nah, you'd have to move next to it.

TRAVIS: I'm good.

MATT: You're on deck, Keyleth.

SAM: (sings with background music)

TRAVIS: Should have a countdown clock.

SAM: (sings with background music)

LIAM: There.

MATT: All righty.

SAM: Man, Liam's RP is so good tonight!

MATT: That ends Vax's turn, Keyleth, you're up.

LIAM: Hey man, I took my heart out and did this for 115 episodes, all right?! Staying alive!

SAM: The last move, though, was so goth!

MARISHA: I'm going to come out of the water like the Swamp Thing. I'm going to beam Grog with another Sunbeam.

MATT: Grog, as you're waiting on the side, you hear the ripple of water as you glance over. You watch this giant wave as Keyleth's elemental form emerges from the water. Out of the middle of it, this beam of energy. I need you to make a constitution saving throw.

TRAVIS: Wait. Mage Slayer. Advantage on saving throws against spells? I have to be in melee of them.

MATT: You might have to be in melee?

TRAVIS: I think that might be right.

MATT: I'll double check, just to be safe.

TRAVIS: I'm poisoned, so I have disadvantage on saves, right?

MATT: "Against spells cast within five feet of you."

TRAVIS: Because I'm poisoned, I have to roll this again for disadvantage?

MATT: Poisoned just gives you disadvantage on ability checks and attacks.

TRAVIS: Not saving throws?

MATT: Correct.


MATT: Yeah, you take half damage and you're not blinded.

TRAVIS: Oh, cool.

MARISHA: Your half damage is a ten, (counting) 21. Not a great roll this go around.

MATT: You take ten points of radiant damage. Blasted, it burns past your skin. It tickles a little. It's like a bad sunburn.

MARISHA: I'm going to go into my earth elemental form and--

TALIESIN: This is disturbing. I don't know what to do about this.

LIAM: Die!

TRAVIS: Probably not kill the other caster, you know.

TALIESIN: I didn't!

MARISHA: Is this an actual window here?

MATT: They're small slits that you can see through, but that's it.

MARISHA: Okay! Yeah. Sure.

MATT: That ends your turn. Percival.

TALIESIN: God. I didn't see her do that, did I?

MATT: No. From where you're standing, you heard the blast.

MARISHA: He can't hear shit.

MATT: No, that's right! Silence spell, man. It's creepily quiet.

TRAVIS: You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and then you have Percy silence.

LIAM: Take your die of inspiration.

TALIESIN: I'm so fucked. Yep. This is dumb, but I'm going to do it because I don't know you're there. I'm going to walk over to that weird little door.

MATT: You walk into the greenish energy. As you step into this field, your body feels warm. No sound.

TALIESIN: I just feel warm.

MATT: You just feel warm.

MARISHA: It's a patio heater.

TALIESIN: I'm going to open the door and see what's in there.

MATT: As you go to pull for the door, it (clicks). I mean, you don't hear a sound, but it resists.

LIAM: Oh, blew your action.

MARISHA: Man, we get so catty when we can! It's so much fun!

LIAM: This is all I've got.

MARISHA: We're never mean to each other, you guys.

TALIESIN: All right, just because this green glow is freaking me out, I'm going to back up against the wall and then my next action later is going to be--

MATT: Have you taken any damage?

TALIESIN: Have I taken any? Yeah, I've taken 16 points of damage.

MATT: Okay, you sense as you're stepping in there, not immediately but the sensation is that similar to one of your allies were to cast a Cure Wounds on you, it has a sort of regenerative property to it, the longer you stand in it. It hasn't taken effect yet.

TALIESIN: Okay, then I'm not going to back up out of it, I'm going to get to the back side of the hinge and I can't hold an action, obviously, because I blew my action, but I'm going to prepare to open and worry about what comes out.

MATT: Okay, so you go up into the very edge of that radius and just hold your weapon.


MATT: Okay, that ends your turn. Scanlan, you're up.

SAM: Hi guys, Scanlan Shorthalt here.

TALIESIN: With a very important message about Marvel Puzzle Quest.

MARISHA: I like your crown.

SAM: Thanks.

TALIESIN: It's nice, it would look good on me.

SAM: It's lofty. Knowing where Percy is, I'm going to peek around the corner.

MATT: Peek around the corner, at this view, you do not have eyeline on Percival.

SAM: Sure, but I kind of know he's up there.

MATT: You know he's up on the tower.

SAM: And I heard booms distantly over here.

MATT: You did, you heard thuds of impacts and a burst of energy, you saw like a bright light glow up over the distant sky for a moment.

SAM: Feeling a red-hot anger towards Percy for shooting me--

TALIESIN: Oh, yeah. Bring it.

SAM: And also gaming out that there's people over here, right centered on this spot I'm going to cast Anti-Gravity.

MATT: Reverse Gravity?

SAM: Reverse Gravity.

MATT: Okay, on that spot.

MARISHA: Okay, that's fun.

MATT: All right, your illusion fades, it's concentration.

MARISHA: That's one spell I wish we got to use more in-campaign, it's a fun one.

MATT: Bringing it back.

SAM: 50-foot radius.

MATT: 50-foot radius which would also affect Keyleth.

SAM: Keyleth for sure.

TALIESIN: And anybody in the tower.

MATT: Yep. All right so I need Keyleth and Percival to both make a dexterity saving throw.

TALIESIN: What about my Boots of Spider Climbing that are currently activated?

MATT: I need Keyleth to make a dexterity saving throw.

MARISHA: This is going to be bad.

SAM: Are they always attached? Nice!

TALIESIN: They're activated, I ain't moving. I can't be knocked prone, you can't do shit.


MATT: 12? No.

MARISHA: All right, let's go for a ride.

SAM: 100 feet up.


MATT: (counting) That's 50.

TRAVIS: Oh, shit.

MATT: This is going to be interesting.

SAM: Because you said the top is like 90 feet up, so I want her to go all the way up to the ceiling.

TALIESIN: And then see what happens.

TRAVIS: A little unintentional Keyteor.

MARISHA: Yeah, a hundred percent.

MATT: Keyleth, you suddenly go firing up into the sky. Percival, you watch as Keyleth spins up, slams into the top of the field, I need you to make a constitution saving throw.

MARISHA: Just a straight con save? Not good, seven.

MATT: You take 29 points of force damage as you slam into the field, and then it thrusts you 15 feet away from it, and then you head back towards it.

TRAVIS: Do the basketball.

TALIESIN: Oh no, oh no.

MATT: So it won't affect you this round, but you're currently being just bludgeoned repeatedly. Percival, your hair is standing up on end above you.

MARISHA: This is like some Freddie Krueger shit.

MATT: You take a moment to try and right yourself and are now finding yourself having to fly upside down.

LIAM: But that's the same shit, right?

MATT: Yeah, you're fine. It doesn't do anything to you, but it took you a moment to readjust.

SAM: I'll duck back behind the thing.

LIAM: And nobody knows where I am.

TRAVIS: Yeah, we know, okay, we know. AT&T thanks you for your texts.

SAM: And I will say: drat, it didn't work on Percy. I'll use my bonus action to say: Percy, I wasn't aiming at you!

MATT: He doesn't hear it.

SAM: Shit! He doesn't hear anything!

MATT: That ends Scanlan's turn.

TALIESIN: I have been waiting to use this Silence spell like an asshole this entire game.

LIAM: I rolled a 21 for that roll. That didn't do it, did it? I sent you my roll. They rolled, so did I. I texted you a 21.

MATT: It didn't affect anything because you were flying.

LIAM: Oh, okay.

MATT: You had to right yourself, but as soon as you started flying upward, you went, "Oh crap!" and you caught yourself. That brings us to Grog's turn at the top of the round. Keyleth and Scanlan, definitely not Percival. Grog, you notice this, too. Behind the entire chamber on each side, it suddenly fills and flashes with that purplish-blue energy. The energy travels through the center and all the water and surrounding also flashes once with that same purple-blue flash and then dissipates and returns to what it was before. You now notice that those rooms are connected to the water and whatever's in the water when that goes off--

MARISHA: That was the blue spheres?

MATT: No, that was the purple.

TALIESIN: Purple horseshoes.


MATT: Grog, you're up.

TRAVIS: I'm going to go into the room. Can I stand on the crystal circle? Because I don't see anybody else to hit.

MATT: You step onto the crystal circle.

TRAVIS: I concentrate real hard.

MATT: Make an intelligence check.


MATT: It's hard to concentrate. It's really warm under your feet.

TRAVIS: That's it? Do I notice any writing or bones around the circle?

MATT: No. It's pretty clear. But you're a few inches taller than you were a second ago because you're on the platform. That's cool.

TRAVIS: I don't see anybody. Does it go out to the water?

MATT: Yes, it opens up out to the water.

TRAVIS: Did I happen to see Keyleth in her earth elemental form, since I was outside, go whoosh and fly up?

MATT: Yes. You're watching her being--

TRAVIS: That seems wrong. Okay. I'm going to use my bonus action to take one of my superior healing potions and that's my turn.

MATT: 8d4 plus eight.

LIAM: Sent you a monologue.

TALIESIN: O for a muse of fire!

LIAM: To be or not to be!

MATT: Keyleth, you're up!

TALIESIN: And down. And up and down.

MARISHA: I'm going to use my bonus action to turn into an air elemental and fly.

TALIESIN: Goddamn it. Not cool!

MARISHA: I'm so hot. So sexy.

MATT: What's your fly speed?

MARISHA: My fly speed: 90 feet.

MATT: Yeah, you can get to Percival. You could get to a lot of places from here.

MARISHA: How many rounds has it been? Do we know, roughly?

MATT: It's been nine rounds.

MARISHA: Nine rounds. Then I'll use my last round to--

MATT: You have one more round--

MARISHA: --of Sunbeam. This is my last round, right? I'm going to fly directly above Percy. Looking down over top of him a good 60 feet almost exactly and right below me going to do my Sunbeam down on top of his head.

MATT: You also enter the healing column. I need you to roll a constitution saving throw, Percival.

LIAM: Like the satellite in Akira!

TALIESIN: That's a constitutitution saving? Where's my constitution? There we go.

SAM: Pretty good!


MARISHA: Fuck! Fucking no one did! Fucking everyone!

TRAVIS: Not me, I'm loving it. I've hit one person.

LIAM: I've hit zero persons.

TRAVIS: I know.

MARISHA: 25 damage.

MATT: Halve that to 12. You take 12 points of radiant damage, Percival, and you shield your eyes just in time as the blast hits you from above to have it not affect your vision.

TALIESIN: That ain't bad.

MATT: You still have about 60 feet of movement if you want, Keyleth.

MARISHA: I'll fly that way to that corner.

MATT: Staying that far up. You can't fly quite that high up with this range because the ceiling is there.

MARISHA: Don't look at me like that!

TRAVIS: You don't have to make concentration checks when you take damage, right? You just stay elemental. You're that.

MARISHA: As the elemental, yes. It's my Sunbeam that I've been rolling concentration checks against.

TRAVIS: Gotcha.

TALIESIN: She's got Cyclops laser until we hit her hard enough. Hey, look who you can see now!

MARISHA: I'm War Caster with pretty high wisdom, so I'm trying to make it easier to not fail a concentration check.

SAM: Oh Jesus!

TALIESIN: Look who you see now!

MARISHA: Oh, do I see Scanlan?

MATT: You do now! As you float over, you see the tiny little gnome, right there on the ground.

TALIESIN: Good-bye.

MARISHA: (helicopter imitation) LAPD! (helicopter imitation)

TALIESIN: Wow, that's a local joke right there!

TRAVIS: It'll only be there for four and a half hours from 12:30 to 3:30.

TALIESIN: They're already on their way in the helicopter.

MATT: End of your turn, Keyleth?

MARISHA: Yeah, end of my turn.

MATT: That ends Keyleth's turn and we're going to go to a break because we're at a break point here. We'll come back here shortly to ensure that we continue this roundabout battle of care and delicacy.

LIAM: Battle of cowards!

TALIESIN: I am proud of what I've done so far!

LIAM: Same.

MARISHA: I would like to say, I feel like I've been playing pretty aggressively.

MATT: You have been. You've been doing good. You and Scanlan both have been doing pretty well. Grog's been going door-to-door salesman.

LIAM: I have not lost a single hit point, Matt!

MATT: You have not!

TRAVIS: I've been looking for Vax!

TALIESIN: I've been sniping the way I've always wanted to. I feel like such a badass right now. I know it's going to end.

MATT: We'll be back here in a few minutes after a quick break, guys. At the break, we have our Wyrmwood giveaway. The keyword for this one is "showdown." Put "showdown" in the chat room, one word, when you are prompted to be entered and we'll come back with the winner after the break. See you guys here in a few minutes.



Part IIEdit

MATT: Welcome back, everybody. First off, we have the winner in the chat for the black poisonwood Wyrmwood box, which I didn't have around to show you at the time, but it's really pretty. The winner is CleverNameAlreadyTaken. Congratulations, CleverNameAlreadyTaken. Danoba will get in contact with you and get your shipping information. We'll get that out to you ASAP. Signed by the cast. Thank you again. So let's dive back into this blood drizzle. You know.

MARISHA: Waiting for that first blood. Waiting for it.

MATT: There's been a lot of first bloods, just no consistent blood.

LIAM: Guys, the Raven Queen took me out of here 20 minutes ago.

MATT: You just find his equipment in the middle of the battlefield.

MARISHA: Oh, poor timing.

LIAM: She gave me 20 minutes, she said.

MATT: Top of the round, Percival. First off, you heal 20 hit points as your turn begins inside the column of green light atop the tower. And it's your turn.

TALIESIN: I'm going to shoot the lock. I'm going to get within ten feet of that lock so that there's no sound and I'm going to shoot the lock open.

MATT: Make an attack roll.

TALIESIN: I'm going to use Retort for this just because I don't want to waste anything worthwhile. 30 to hit.

MATT: Yeah, go ahead and roll damage.

TALIESIN: All right. Where's my fancy--? There we are. That's ten points of damage.

MATT: Okay. The lock splinters and the trapdoor falls open.

TALIESIN: All right. I'm going to run inside and perch on the ceiling. I'm going to use my Spider Climb boots. And what do I see around?

MATT: Okay, as soon as you rush to the stairs you can see there's a bit of fog on the inside of the chamber. It fills the room and obscures a lot of the interior. So you move up onto the ceiling and you're now underneath, inside the chamber.

TALIESIN: I don't see anything?

MATT: You are, for the purposes of this, upside-down there.

TALIESIN: Sure. I'm going to hide-- and those stairs keep going down?

MATT: They do. You have 15 more movement if you want.

TALIESIN: I'm going to go down to the next level.

MATT: You don't have quite enough movement to get there. You get just to the top of the stairway onto the ceiling. We'll put you there for the sake of keeping track of it.

TALIESIN: Can I see down there at all?

MATT: Yeah, the fog kind of dissipates below.

TALIESIN: Oh, in that case I'm not going to get that close if I can't get all the way there anyway. So I'm going to get right in that little corner there and keep an eye out.

MATT: Well, to look down the stairs you'd have to get--

TALIESIN: Oh yeah, I was going to say, I have to get to the other side of the fog? I don't have enough movement to get back from the fog, then?

MATT: Well, you're in the fog still but I mean, it dissipates down the stairs. The whole chamber's still filled with fog.

TALIESIN: Okay, I'm going to stay in the fog and keep an eye on what's down there.

MATT: Okay. Boop. All righty. That ends Percival's turn. Scanlan, you're up.

SAM: Bonus action: Healing Word.

TALIESIN: Wow, you are not rolling those well.

MATT: You have an air elemental swirling 80 feet above you.

SAM: Yep. I just sang a little song to myself.

TALIESIN: I've softened him up for you.

SAM: Okay, so for all who care, I'm up to 63. And I'm going to look at Keyleth, say into my earring, Friends, let's go fucking kill Vax. At least find him! This is not a fair fight without him! And then I will Dimension Door to the opposite corner again.

MARISHA: Oh, good call!

MATT: Keyleth, you hear his cry into the earring and watch as, in a flash of vibrant pink-purple energy, he steps through a small, magic-made doorway and vanishes from your sight.

MARISHA: Yeah. Okay.

TRAVIS: Anti-gravity still going?

SAM: Oh yeah. Whose turn?

MATT: That ends Scanlan's turn. That brings us to Grog. Sorry. Top of the round, now the exterior of the tower bursts into flames. Fire climbs up and incinerates the island around the central tower, to no effect currently. Grog, your turn.

TRAVIS: Can I turn around, since my magic pedestal has not done anything for me, and go through the portal, please?

TALIESIN: Also, by the way, you see Scanlan as well.

SAM: Hello! Bye-bye!

MATT: Ten, 15. You're now inside.

TRAVIS: Can I keep going straight across?

MATT: 50. You're about knee-deep in the water.

TRAVIS: Can I use my Boots of Feral Leaping to leap horizontally 20 feet?

MATT: Go for it. Well, make the athletics check.


MATT: 17, yeah. You just crest onto the edge. Your ankle's kind of at the edge of the water. That's it.

TRAVIS: Yeah, fuck it. Can I use my dash to go inside the tower from the bottom door?

MATT: You may.


SAM: Has he hit the anti-gravity field yet?

MATT: Just as you get to the edge of that, I need you to go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw.

TRAVIS: Well, that's my game. Yeah, no. Seven.

SAM: I didn't know you were even there!

TRAVIS: I wasn't there. I thought it was put over on that side of the tower.

MATT: So Grog, as you go--

SAM: Unintended consequences. Don't worry, I'll get rid of it on the next round-- oh wait. You'll plummet to your death.

TALIESIN: Oh no, he'll survive.

TRAVIS: I can't do much but hit things, so you know.

MATT: For the purposes of this here, that puts it about fair. Grog, you go flying up into the sky, past the edge of the tower, slamming into the ceiling over the battlefield. I need you to make a constitution saving throw.

TRAVIS: Yes. 31.

MATT: 31, you succeed. So you take what would've been 21 points of force damage, reduced to ten. And you do not bounce off to return-- you manage to stop yourself, but you're still about to be forced back into it. You don't get pushed off, but the gravity's still pushing you into it. So each round you're up there, you're going to keep taking this damage. All righty. That finishes Grog's turn. All right. Mr. Stealthy Pants?

MARISHA: Stealthy Pants McGee.

SAM: Can you only send him moves in gif form?

LIAM: How did you know that's what I was doing? This is that kid in the GoCart chair that spins and spins and spins.

SAM: Sure, sure. I'm going to do a Mr. Bean followed by a--

MARISHA: Followed by a Homer Simpson into the bushes. Followed by that kid that's like "Oh shit!" as he runs by.

MATT: Here's the thing, and I'm being fair in this circumstance. Keyleth and Grog, out of the corner of your eye, you see a dash of black, winged movement as, darting from the edge of this tower, you see something out the side of this tower, like climbing on the outside, dart and then vanish in that direction.


LIAM: You don't know that.

TALIESIN: I don't know shit.

MARISHA: How did you get up the tower?

TRAVIS: He didn't go in the tower. He just climbed up the side.

LIAM: Her miniature is facing that way. His miniature is facing that way. I'm being a shit.

MATT: You want to fight me on this?

LIAM: Not at all. I started this game knowing that Marisha was going to kill me. Ooh.

MATT: Early bird gets an early grave. All righty. That brings us to--

MARISHA: I'm trying so hard.

MATT: Keyleth.

MARISHA: Okay, so Grog is suspended, being repeatedly beaten into the ceiling?

TALIESIN: Vibrated to death.

MATT: Yeah, right now-- You didn't bounce off but now you're slammed into it and being slowly pushed into it, like (static crackling).

TRAVIS: Good times.

MARISHA: And I saw a black streak go this direction?

MATT: From this wall to behind where the edge of this building, and then vanish.

MARISHA: And I know Percy's somewhere in the tower, but I don't know where?

MATT: Correct.

MARISHA: Okay. Yeah. Let me just try and find people. I'm going to fly over top of where that is and see if I can see anything. I'm going to look for a stealthy Vax. How much movement was that?

MATT: That would've been-- oh god. Knocked you over. Actually, as far as you can get is there.

MARISHA: Okay. Do I see anything from my awesome aerial perspective?

MATT: You do not. There's the open door to the building and there's the circular thing over there but that's all you can see.

SAM: He could be somewhere over there.

LIAM and TALIESIN: (singing) Somewhere out there.

LIAM: I'll fucking shank your ass!

MATT: Keyleth?

MARISHA: Can I use the rest of my action to move down? To just move?

MATT: Where do you want to move?

MARISHA: Let me drop down 60 feet. Or half my movement speed or something like that, right?

MATT: Yeah, so you'd be about, let's say--

SAM: Matt, could I see her, by the way, when she flew over and down like that?

MATT: Yeah, you saw her coast over and downward. So there you go. That's your turn.

MARISHA: That's my turn.

MATT: All right, Percival, you're up.

TALIESIN: I'm going to go the next level down, see what I see.

MATT: Okay. The fog has now begun to dissipate from the entire chamber.

LIAM: It's like ten minutes. I'm going to check. I could be wrong because I don't know shit.

MATT: You might be right. I was just guessing.

MARISHA: Did you make fog?

LIAM: No! Yes.

TRAVIS: Do you want to tell us anything you did?

LIAM: I didn't play this game.

TALIESIN: I'm just heading down, scanning, heading down, scanning, and looking for anything.

LIAM: One hour.

MATT: Oh yeah, then never mind. It dissipates because you step out of it.

LIAM: I'm a druid, yo.

TALIESIN: Fuck, I forgot that.

MARISHA: Did you do Fog Cloud?

LIAM: Yeah, baby!

MATT: Heading down, there's no furniture, just the stairway. It looks like the interior of this has been either unfurnished or cleared out. It's just a series of empty stairs that lead up and down the tower.

TALIESIN: I'm going to get all the way to the bottom, then, and back myself against that bottom door and I'm going to push all the way to the bottom of the tower with my movement.

MATT: Okay. That's your whole turn?

TALIESIN: I was hoping there'd be a person in there. I mean, that's all my movement, isn't it? And that's all my action to move that as well, right? Yep, I ran down that tower going, I want to fight everybody!

LIAM: Good boy. Not metagaming.

MARISHA: Ooh, the m-word.

MATT: Finishing Percy's turn, Scanlan.

SAM: My turn? Jesus Christ, I don't know what to do. I only see Keyleth. I've only seen Keyleth this whole game! Do I see Grog up there, flying?

MATT: Yeah, you see Grog up there bouncing.

MARISHA: And Percy shot you!

TALIESIN: I'm of the opinion that, against the wall, I don't think he sees him right now.

MATT: Right now, no, but if you were to look around.

TALIESIN: If you were to back off a bit, you would see him, maybe.

SAM: Okay, I will peek around the corner.

MATT: Okay, so you move five feet, glance over, and you see Grog currently being jammed up into the ceiling.

SAM: I kind of know where Keyleth is. I kind of know where Grog is. No one has responded to my text message of "Let's go find Vax."

TALIESIN: Sorry, new earring, who's this? Thank you for being the only person who really laughed at my good joke. That was a very good joke. Chat probably liked it.

SAM: Bonus action Healing Word. Oh wait, wrong one.

MARISHA: He's going to use all of his spells to just Healing Word. 1d4 at a time.

MATT: Just slowly build it back up.

TALIESIN: And I will take it all away again next time I see him.

SAM: Jesus, I don't know what to do. I'm not going to go after Keyleth without backup.

MARISHA: No, but here. I'm going after Vax too! Ba ra ra!

SAM: You don't speak English!

MATT: Well, technically she can.

MARISHA: Oh wait, we decided I can because it's telepathic. I'm trying to find my boyfriend! He fucking ditched me at this bar! Fucking asshole!

SAM: All right. So I'm going to announce to everyone, I am going to search for Vax! Hold your fire! And I'll walk, I guess, around this thing. Can I get around it without--?

MATT: You can get 25 feet.

SAM: Actually, no, I don't know where he is at all.

MATT: You see her floating. After Keyleth tells you that, she's over here, moving down this way. That's all you know.

LIAM: Baby, are you saving a Wish for me?

SAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: Oh, your other boyfriend? Okay.

LIAM: That's another universe.

MATT: One's in-game, one's out-of-game.

MARISHA: Oh sure. Sorry.

LIAM: One's real, Marisha. One's real.

SAM: All right. I'm going to start going this way.

MATT: You get that far, less than that, even.

SAM: I'll use dash to keep going.

MATT: You can get about there. Tiny gnomish legs.

MARISHA: This is a big-ass map.

TALIESIN: This is such a big map! I love it! It makes me very dangerous.

MATT: Beginning of Grog's turn, you watch the lightning towers spark and then fire off radius. Nobody's there. Grog, you're up.

SAM: Really, no one's near the lightning towers?

TRAVIS: Getting bug zapped.

MATT: Make another constitution saving throw, please.

TRAVIS: Big southern mosquito. 30! 18 plus 12.

MATT: You succeed. So you take 12 points of force damage.

TRAVIS: Dear god. That's already halved, right?

MATT: Yes.

TRAVIS: Okay, cool.

SAM: I guess I could have dropped Anti-Gravity. I forgot.

TRAVIS: You did? Cool. With my bonus action, can I use my Second Wind to heal 1d10 plus my stupid-ass fighter level?

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: You want me to get rid of it?

TRAVIS: I'm fucking up here until you don't!

SAM: I forgot, I'm sorry! Can I do it now, Matt? No.

TRAVIS: It's cool, I'm up there.

SAM: It's fine.

TRAVIS: I'm going to get the immovable rod out in my hand, waiting to fall.

MATT: You've got the immovable rod out and you're clutching it. So you're holding your action on it?

TRAVIS: I'll hold my action if someone comes within striking range. Can I say that?

MATT: Are you holding your attack or--

TRAVIS: An action, not an attack. My action so I can click the rod.

LIAM: I sent a question, and here comes a second question. Here it comes.

MATT: You're on deck, Keyleth.

TALIESIN: Sorry, my fault. Hi.

LIAM: Got it. Okay. I'm good. So you know what I want to do. I did it already.

MATT: Keyleth, you're up.

LIAM: Hey man, I worked really hard for 115 episodes. Allow me to be a fuckoff.

MARISHA: I'm going to look around. No sign of Vax, I'm assuming.

MATT: From where you currently stand, no.

MARISHA: Scanlan, he's too fucking stealthy! I'm going to go punk Grog. And then I'm going to fly up within 60 feet of him.

SAM: You just gave up?

MARISHA: I can't find him! I looked!

SAM: For legitimately six seconds.

TRAVIS: I'm literally the helium balloon in the grocery store that broke away from the cashier and is fucking sitting up there.

TALIESIN: You're going on an adventure!

MARISHA: He's not going to let me do another perception check! I tried!

LIAM: It's the best! Until I die.

MARISHA: I'm going to go up and be like: Sorry, Grog! And hit him with a Blight spell. Let's say level--

LIAM: That's going to shoot off your pinky toe, man!

TRAVIS: I've got another one of those.

MARISHA: Let's say a level five Blight.

MATT: Grog, make a constitution saving throw, please.

LIAM: Man, next campaign you're not going to be a meat sponge like this.

TRAVIS: I won't be. 18.

MATT: 18, that's a failure. So full damage of Blight on Grog.

TRAVIS: Whatever it is, I'll use my Stone's Endurance.

LIAM: God, when you play your aasimar ranger, it's going to be so weird.

TRAVIS: Yeah. I don't know what that first word you said is. Aasimar?

LIAM: Your kenku druid.

TRAVIS: My tabaxi tortle.

LIAM: Tabaxi tortle half-breed bard. Yeah.

MATT: I multi-raced a little since I leveled up.

LIAM: Tabaxi with a shell.

MATT: Someone please draw that.

MARISHA: 49 points of necrotic damage.

TRAVIS: Let me roll my Stone's Endurance. Ten plus my constitution. Minus 16. So 41 minus 16 would be 25.

MARISHA: Where'd that minus 16 go?

TRAVIS: My Stone's Endurance.

MATT: Wait, how much damage was it?


MATT: Oh, 49. Sorry, minus 16. So it'd be 33.

MARISHA: 42 plus seven is 49, right?

MATT: Keyleth, he screams out in pain as he's being pushed into the ceiling. His veins bulge with black energy as the Blight takes hold.

TRAVIS: Not cool!


TRAVIS: No, you're not.

MATT: You're about 50 feet of movement left.

MARISHA: Next is the blue, so let me go to that back corner a bit more. That's good.

MATT: There you are. Ending Keyleth's turn, Percy, you're up.

TALIESIN: I'm going to exit out the door and I'm going to take a run back over here. This way.


MATT: 30, if you wanted to get there.

SAM: Are you jumping across the river?

TALIESIN: I don't even know if I'm actually jumping?

SAM: Does he have to leave the ground to jump across?

TALIESIN: I was actually going to walk, to be fair.

MARISHA and TALIESIN: I see what you're doing.

TALIESIN: Am I in the range of it at that point?

MATT: I don't know, are you?

TALIESIN: Where's the--?

MATT: You don't know. You didn't see.

TALIESIN: I was planning on walking, but I'm fine either way. If you make a roll for it, I'll make a dex roll.

MATT: Make a dex roll.

TALIESIN: It's a dex save? All right. 19?


TALIESIN: Was it not? Just for fun, let's burn--

MATT: Indomitable?

TALIESIN: Let's burn a resolve.

MATT: Indomitable you mean, right?

TALIESIN: It's reroll a save?

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: I wrote it down weirdly because I was trying to conserve space. Yeah, no.

TRAVIS: I have a playmate!

MATT: Percival, you go firing up into the ceiling as you attempt to make your way across the river. Technically, you're one higher than that, but that's fine. Make a constitution saving throw as you get thrust up.

TALIESIN: Constitution saving throw. (counting) 24.

MATT: That's a success. You suffer 21 halved to ten points of force damage. You and Grog are now within visual range of each other, being pushed into the force field ceiling.

TALIESIN: I still have my action. There's no way I can use spider climb on the force wall, is there?

MATT: You can certainly try.

TALIESIN: Oh, I have to roll concentration.

MATT: You do.

SAM: For what?

TALIESIN: The silence spell. What is that?

MATT: That's a constitution saving throw.

TALIESIN: Okay, same thing. 16?

MATT: 16 succeeds. It's a DC ten.

TALIESIN: This is interesting.

MATT: It is. What are you going to do?

SAM: We're all flying now.

TALIESIN: I'm going to try and right myself and see if I can put my boots on and walk on the ceiling.

MATT: As your feet touch the surface, they find some purchase. It's like walking on a water bed. They seem to be holding somewhat, but that's the full of your movement.

TRAVIS: That's fascinating. Those boots are ridiculous.

SAM: Water bed.

TALIESIN: That'll do.

MARISHA: Remember when there were water beds? Good times.

TALIESIN: Those were such a pain in the ass.

MARISHA: Terrible for your back.

MATT: Scanlan, it's your turn.

SAM: I'm still walking across this room as fast as my little feets can carry me. And I'm kind of out of low-level spells at this point.

MATT: You can cast it at a higher level, it just--

SAM: But it won't be a bonus action anymore, will it?

MARISHA: 9th-level Healing Word. Do it.

SAM: Can I do a bonus action at a higher level if I don't do a spell for my action?

MATT: You could sacrifice a higher-level spell slot to cast a level two Healing Word as a bonus action.

SAM: Ugh. Wow.

MATT: But you'd lose a higher-level spell slot with only getting the bonuses of a level two spell. That I'll allow.

SAM: That is insane. I will not do that yet. No, I'll do that. I'm so down. Okay. Oh yeah.

MATT: What level do you use?

SAM: Level three. So that heals me another 12 points. Yeah man.

MATT: So that's your turn?

SAM: That's my bonus action. Then I'll use my action to sneak out and look-- Oh wait! I can get out and around back here, right? I'll do that. And when I get out the door I'm looking around. What do I see? I see everybody floating in the air? This is crazy.

MATT: You see Keyleth over here. Both Grog and Percival being held against the forcefield. Percival seems to have righted himself and his feet are actually affixed to the field and now is walking, trying to move across it.

SAM: Do I let them go? I need help finding Vax, but I don't even know if they're on my side right now! They haven't responded to my text!

TRAVIS: We're on your side! Let me down!

SAM: Okay, then I'm going to release the gravity.

MATT: Okay. And with that, the gravity subsides.

TALIESIN: Do I fall?

MATT: No, you are held aloft. Grog, however, plummets to the ground for 80 feet.

TRAVIS: Do I get to use the action to hit the button on the rod somewhere?

MATT: As a reaction, you do. Where do you hit the rod? At what height?

TRAVIS: I'll hit it at 20 feet above the ground.

MATT: 20 feet above the ground.

TRAVIS: Making that Halo dive.

MATT: Grog, make a strength check. I'm working on it. Don't worry.


MATT: 27, yeah. You manage to hold tight. Your muscles strain from the falling impact of catching yourself there.

LIAM: Does he immediately start doing one-arm pushups?

MATT: Essentially, yeah. You suffer one point of damage. Rolled a one on that one. From just muscle strain.

TRAVIS: But the muscle's going to get that much bigger.

MATT: No, it is. The muscle kind of pops out of the socket and you wrench it back in with the sheer force of your shoulder and back muscles.

LIAM: Micro-tears!

MATT: All right, Scanlan. That's your turn? All right. That brings us to Grog. First and foremost, you watch as the rooms flash with purple energy. The water lights up for a second, suffused with some sort of magical flash and then comes back to rest. Grog, it's your turn.

TRAVIS: Oh, I'm sorry. I'm singing. I would like to un-click the rod, actually. Yeah.

MATT: Okay. You fall to the ground, taking eight points of bludgeoning damage, reduced to four.

SAM: That's first blood.


TRAVIS: All right. Can I run around over here? Do I see fucking anything?

MATT: You see Keyleth up there. That's it. Percival, you know, is up there.

TRAVIS: Both totally within range. Is there a door over there that I can't see? Is there a door over on this side?

MATT: On this side, the tower? Yeah, there's an opening on each side, or each corner, yeah.

TRAVIS: Can I get to the door from where I am?

MATT: You can.

TRAVIS: Can I go inside?

MATT: You go inside? All right.

MARISHA: I'm so stealthy, I've lost myself.

MATT: So that's your action? So you get inside there. You are now at the center of the tower. I'll put you down there just because you're big for the tower size.

MARISHA: Going assassin this time. Or thief? You were assassin last time.

MATT: All right, ending Grog's turn. Vax.

LIAM: Troll text, coming your way!

MARISHA: Goddamn it. You are the literal worst.

LIAM: I know. Damn it, went to fix a typo I sent to him and it just did it again. It said "basted" instead of "hasted."

MATT: Technically you can't do that.

LIAM: Oh, okay. So then--

MATT: Not as that type of action.

SAM: He's sending you a gif right now of Dramatic Chipmunk.

TALIESIN: That was well done, Grog. I'll tell you later, but I had plans and you foiled a chunk of them.

TRAVIS: Oh, okay. There's not a lot I can do. I'm just chasing a bunch of people I can't see.

LIAM: I can do that. Sure!

MATT: So you're not doing the first thing?

LIAM: No, you said I couldn't do the first thing.

MATT: Not as a hasted action.

LIAM: Fuck, man.

TRAVIS: Oh, for the love of god.

LIAM: Okay, can I reverse that? I can reverse that, right? If you go back to the first thing?

MATT: You can't hold a hasted action.

LIAM: Sure, but I have a regular action, right? So I'll do it on the regular action.

MATT: Okay. The first thing you said?

LIAM: Yes, the first thing I said.

MATT: Okay. Scanlan, Keyleth. You watch as this chamber over here, billowing fog emerges from this chamber over here. The entire outside of this room is now completely surrounded in fog.

SAM: We've got a rogue.

LIAM: Right, sorry. Yep. Good, but, yep. I'm good.

TRAVIS: What the fuck did you just say?!

LIAM: On a hasted action, I can only attack. I can't cast spells, which is what I suggested. But if I just flip what I do where, I should be relatively okay.

MATT: Yeah, but you can't hold a hasted action.

LIAM: Then I'll do the second thing.

MATT: That fog cloud's out.

LIAM: I understand, because that's not part of the second thing.

MARISHA: So wait, is the fog cloud there or no?

MATT: The fog cloud's there.

LIAM: What am I supposed to do? Announce every move to you guys while I'm hidden? It defeats the purpose!

TALIESIN: If I tell you what I'm playing next game will you just stop this?

LIAM: Dick, dick, dick!

MATT: Keyleth, it's your turn. You just watched this fog billow out from the open doorway and surround--

LIAM: I thought you said it was out?

MARISHA: No, he means it is literally out.

LIAM: Oh, out the door?

SAM: There's no door!

MATT: The door is open.

TALIESIN: The door got exploded.

MATT: Yeah, the door is shattered by Grog, so you went in the chamber and fog cloud fills and encompasses the surrounding area.

TRAVIS: I should go check that out.

MARISHA: I'm going to hover over--

LIAM: It's fine, it's fine.

MARISHA: First smoke. Where there's smoke, there must be a Vax, so I'm going to hover over a little bit.

MATT: Okay, how far over?

MARISHA: Move me up 30 feet or so. Or 60 feet. That's good.

MATT: That's 50 feet there.

MARISHA: And then I'm going to be like, Hey boo, I recognize that spell. That's some druid shit! And then I'm going to light up the entire area with a Fire Storm.

MATT: Okay. All around it.

MARISHA: Radiating outward. Ten of them.

MATT: So you hear this and time slows for a second. Over the earring. As you hear this small whine, this (high-pitched whine) (explosion) And it's nothing but bright light and flames around you. It completely engulfs the chamber you're in and around it. You guys watch and, I'll say this, I'm going to say it burns off the fog cloud.

LIAM: So she did it inside the building?

MATT: Inside the building, all around it. So I need you to go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw.

LIAM: I'm not worried. Hold on, say that again?

MATT: Dexterity saving throw.

LIAM: Yeah, that's right. I'm going to use my second Luck of the day. Oh, that's good. That's real good. That's a 29.

MATT: All right. You've managed to dive behind where the chest was open from Grog earlier, jump into the chest, and slam it closed, just as the flames engulf the interior, burning the outside of the-- He's a little man. As it burns the exterior of the chest, you manage to avoid all damage from the spell.

SAM: Is it a refrigerator?

MARISHA: All damage?

MATT: He has evasion as a rogue. If he succeeds a dexterity saving throw, he takes no damage.

TRAVIS: I love how cocky he is when he's like, I'm going to die!

LIAM: I am going to die! It's just, later. You three don't know shit.

TALIESIN: Actually, I saw that.

MATT: Yep. As the firestorm dissipates, that chest is destroyed. You kick off the smoking bits of it.

MARISHA: At least I've taken out all y'all's health potions. That was part of the goal.

MATT: Keyleth, you're going to stay where you are?

MARISHA: I'll back up a little bit. Trying to stay away from Scanlan. Wait, what's your range?

TALIESIN: My range is there is no getting away from me. I have a minimum range of 400 feet. There is nowhere to hide.

MARISHA: If I drop down behind the tower, could I not be seen by Percy? Fly across this way?

TALIESIN: My shitty gun has a 400-foot range.

SAM: But it can't go through stone.

TALIESIN: No, it can't. Yet. I will make ghost bullets one day.

TRAVIS: I would try to run up and grapple you or throw something at you, but you're made of fucking wind.

MARISHA: That's your only evasion that you have, right?

LIAM: No, man, that's unlimited.

MATT: Keyleth, with the rest of your movement and descending, actually you'd probably get about there.

MARISHA: Until you get hit? You can keep doing that until-- Wait, but I thought you have one that gives you half damage and one that's all damage?

LIAM: I'm not telling you anything about my rules. You can figure it out.

MATT: As you've seen Vax through the entirety of your gameplay, you'd know that if he has to make a dexterity saving throw, if he fails, he takes half damage. If he succeeds, he takes none. Or he can use his reaction to take half damage from a melee.

MARISHA: A reaction?

LIAM: Since your husband told you, reaction is if you try to hit me with a sword, and I can only do that once per round.

MATT: Or any attack.

LIAM: Right, melee attack.

MATT: Oh, yeah, from any melee.

LIAM: Evasion is just dexterity saves. So use that information. You can use that information, Marisha.

TALIESIN: You know what doesn't take a dexterity save? Sending to another dimension.

LIAM: Dimensions, Finger of Death. I mean it's inevitable. You're going to kill me eventually. It's true!

MATT: Level 20 rogue. Playing this for five years. Still don't know how Uncanny Dodge works. "When an attacker you can see hits you with an attack." As long as you can see them, you can reduce it by half.

LIAM: I never claimed to memorize this book, people. Next campaign, I'm going to fuck it up just as much. If that bothers you--

MATT: That was the other ability. Evasion is the one that he used. Yeah, evasion's every time. You're good. All right, so that finishes Keyleth's turn. You managed to dodge out of Percival's view. Percy, you're up. Top of the round I need you to make a constitution saving throw, because even though you're standing on the ceiling, you're still against the force.

TALIESIN: That's fine. Constitution saving throw, let's do this. I've got a plan. I'm going to use my second resolve, or my second thing, Indomitable. Let's hope that's better. That's way better, 19.

MATT: 19 will succeed, yeah, because it's an 18. All right, so.

TALIESIN: And now I'm going to try and do something stupid.

MATT: All right, so you suffer the 11 points of force damage, reduced to five. Five points of force damage and you are not jettisoned off the force field. So it's considered rough terrain for you to move across.

TALIESIN: Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to use 25 points of my movement to run.

MATT: Okay, it's rough terrain, so--

TALIESIN: Oh. I'm going to use my movement to run 15 feet.

MATT: 15, you're just--

TALIESIN: I'm going to try and take a running jump to the top of the tower.

MATT: Okay, so you're going to leap and release the boots? Make an acrobatics check, please. As you go and try and leap for it--

TALIESIN: All right, acrobatics check. Come on, baby. That's 23.

MATT: 23? All right, so you reduce the damage you take from the leap.

TALIESIN: That's a much better fall than I was going to get.

MATT: It would've been 18 points of bludgeoning damage, reduced to nine. Nine points of bludgeoning damage.

TALIESIN: And then I have to do another constitution saving throw for the silence spell?

MATT: Correct. Well, first from the-- You have to make it twice.


MATT: And another one for the impact. One was for the force field and one was for the fall.

TALIESIN: Natural 20.

MATT: Yeah, you're fine.

TALIESIN: And then, so I'm 23 points in. Is it worth blowing any of this? Yeah. Am I feeling the healing?

MATT: No, your movement dropped you outside of the circle.

TALIESIN: All right. I'm going to use what little I have left--

MATT: You have no more movement.

TALIESIN: I have no more movement, even from a double-up? Using my action?

MATT: Oh, if you use your action for a dash? Then you can get there, yeah.

TALIESIN: I'm going to use my action for a dash to stand on the trap. Like, stand right to the trap, yeah.

MATT: Well the trapdoor you blew open, so it's currently open. So you stand right at the edge of it.

TALIESIN: I stand there and I'm waiting to see what the hell is going on at this point.

MATT: Okay, ending Percival's turn. Scanlan, you're up.

SAM: Scanlan's up. Scanlan's going to peek around the corner.

MATT: You see Keyleth floating there. You see the flames burst around this interior, the fog cloud dissipates.

SAM: I'm going to throw in a Firebolt right in the front door. Wand of Fireballs.

MATT: Okay. How many?

SAM: Two charges. That's 9d6.

LIAM: Where you at, girl?

MARISHA: To quote the rogue: You don't know.

MATT: You kick off the broken chest. Right as you right yourself, a beam of red light goes into the room, explodes a second time. Make a dexterity save with a DC of--

SAM: 15.

LIAM: 20.

MATT: Yeah, so no damage. You're like, "Oh god!" You leap out of the way and as you pull your cloak up and the cloak burns and singes on the outside, but you manage to avoid the damage as you flatten up against the wall.

SAM: I got him, guys! He's real rough!

TRAVIS: Two fireballs in a bunker and no damage.

MATT: Unfortunately, that's exactly the kind of thing that rogues are really good at avoiding. They're an up-close or lock-down type scenario or they're going to be jumping around all your booms. Scanlan, that's your action.

SAM: Bonus action, I'm going to put on Gloves of Swim/Climb. I think I got them in Pathfinder. I don't know what they are.

MATT: They'll give you advantage on climbing checks.

MARISHA: They're climbing flippers?

SAM: Great. That's it.

MATT: That's your turn. Grog.

TRAVIS: Yeah. What's up?

MATT: Top of your turn. The braziers on the sides of the tower burst into flame, incinerating all the space around, which affects Keyleth, who is hiding behind the side of the tower. I need you to make a dexterity saving throw.

MARISHA: I thought the circles were going?

TRAVIS: Nope. It's the fire.

MARISHA: The fires? Did I get behind?


MARISHA: Goddamn it. That's fine.

MATT: Because the water glowed last time.

MARISHA: Dex saving throw? 15.

MATT: Nope. That is 30 points of fire damage to you. As the flames subside, your wind form is burned a bit. Grog, you're up.

TRAVIS: Would it be stupid to try to grapple a wind elemental? There's not really anything to grab, right?

MATT: I don't know. You hear the wind whipping around outside, but you don't see anything.

TRAVIS: Could I step out the door? Like five feet.

MATT: You look up immediately and see Keyleth floating there in elemental form after the flames subside.

TRAVIS: All right, let's just try it because fuck it. Can I use my boots of feral leaping to make a 15-foot vertical leap with a DC of 16?

MATT: You can. She's 20 feet up in the air, though. You glance up and she's 20 feet up.

TRAVIS: Just too much. Could I try and climb up the side of the tower?

MATT: Sure. Make an athletics check.


MATT: Yeah, you're able to get up to about her height. You're technically base-to-base with her against the side of the tower.

TRAVIS: Cool. I'm going to leap off the tower and try to grab onto Keyleth.

MATT: Make a grapple check.

MARISHA: I am immune to grapple.

MATT: I know, but I want him to roll it.

TRAVIS: Okay. What can I do in this game? Zero because you're immune to grapple.

MATT: Grog, you fall through and land on the ground prone and partially in the water. You suffer eight points of bludgeoning damage, reduced to four.

SAM: First blood.


MATT: You also notice the field that surrounds the chambers shifts in a bit. Scanlan, make a constitution saving throw. You watch as it all closes in by five feet.

SAM: 28!

MARISHA: He put a time limit on this whole thing.

TALIESIN: Good man.

MATT: You take 11 points of force damage and you are not forced out of the way. However, you are up against it being pushed against the wall, you have to squeeze out of it. You can see it slowly condensing itself. As it does, you glance up at the sky and see this grinning, mysterious visage made of cloud swirling energy. A grinning beard. That's the end of Grog's turn. Vax, you're up.

LIAM: Okay. I've got movement, bonus action, hasted action, and my regular action. I'm going to use movement and bonus action to blast out of that door. Everybody sees me arc up into the sky and fly over this tower and disappear here. I'll tell you what happens next via text.

SAM: We got a little Liam there! Liam talked!

MARISHA: It's a bottle rocket! Oh wait, nope.

MATT: You saw him disappear somewhere down below there. As far as you know, as a marker, somewhere in that area you saw Vax vanish.

TRAVIS: Fucking flying motherfucker.

MATT: Keyleth, your turn.

MARISHA: Okay. My turn. I've got a prone Grog in front of me.

SAM: Yeah, man.

MARISHA: I'm going to do something great, right?

TRAVIS: Yep, fire it up.

MARISHA: Shit. But what to do? (grumbles) Oh god.

MATT: I'm confused by that image.

LIAM: Okay. I'm going to elaborate.

MATT: Keyleth, what're you doing?

MARISHA: Sorry, Grog. I'm going to try this one more time.

TRAVIS: Do it, please. End my suffering.

MARISHA: I'm going to land.

TRAVIS: Give me some kind of contact with another being.

MATT: You slowly descend, swirling wind arms.

MARISHA: I'm going to drop my form.

MATT: The wind form shifts out and Keyleth descends, landing right down with you.

TRAVIS: Hey, Ki.

MARISHA: I'm going to say: Don't save against this! And I'm going to try Plane Shift! Because it fucking failed last time!

MATT: What's the saving throw on that?

MARISHA: Mine, 21.

MATT: No, but what's the saving throw?

MARISHA: I think it's wisdom.

MATT: Grog, I need you to make a wisdom saving throw.

TRAVIS: No problem. Modifier is zero. Five.

MATT: Where are you shifting him to?

MARISHA: Do you have any preference on your demise?

SAM: Demise!

TRAVIS: I don't know. Send me to the Ethereal-- no. Send me to Feywild.

MARISHA: No. That's too nice.

TRAVIS: Fuck you!


MARISHA: My original plan was to teleport you to the middle of the water dimension, just have you slowly drown.

SAM and TALIESIN: Sounds pretty awesome.

LIAM: That's merciful.

MARISHA: Or my other idea was to send you to the Maze of the Abyss.

LIAM: Nah, water is a minute or less, right?

MARISHA: Yeah, we'll go to the water.

MATT: Grog, as Keyleth embraces you, there's a shifting of energy. There's a flash as you see the Divine Gate coast past you. Suddenly, you're in the dark depths of a familiar ocean.

TRAVIS: Figures.

MATT: You're holding your breath. You know with your constitution, you can hold your breath for a decent amount of time. As you glance down into the darkness of the shadow below you, you see movement as a series of long, familiar tentacles begin to emerge from the shadows below. You think, "Let's make this a final, glorious way to go."


MATT: I don't know, do you?

TRAVIS: Probably not.

MATT: You slowly clam up as you sink down as the kraken takes you into its maw and swallows you.

MARISHA: I feel so bad!

TRAVIS: Fight on!

MARISHA: Man, that doesn't feel good.

MATT: First one down.

MARISHA: It doesn't feel good to be a bully, everyone, let this be a lesson.

TRAVIS: Doesn't feel good to be a level 20 barbarian with these strong motherfuckers. Chasing your damn tail.

MARISHA: I still have movement, yeah.

MATT: You have, in this form, 15 feet.

TRAVIS: I also don't have a Deck, for anybody that's wondering. There's no Deck of Many Things.

MARISHA: Scanlan dropped his Reverse Gravity, yeah?

MATT: Correct.

MARISHA: Scanlan's there.

LIAM: I sent a clarification.

MARISHA: Do I have enough movement to move over there? Actually, you know what? No one's in the tower, right? You went over there. Oh, shit. Goddamn it.

LIAM: Such a question, isn't it?

MARISHA: Do I have my bonus action still? I do, right?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: I'm going to use my bonus action to turn into an earth elemental.

MATT: Is it a bonus action to drop form?

MARISHA: Oh fuck, yeah. It is.

MATT: I'll double-check.

MARISHA: Let me go over there. I can't reach.

MATT: Yep, it's a bonus action to revert, so you have to be in Keyleth form. You have 15 feet of movement.

MARISHA: I'm going to use my awesome mantle which allows me to jump.

MATT: What's your strength?


MATT: What's your strength score?

MARISHA: Just my modifier?

MATT: Your strength score.

MARISHA: My strength score is 14, so I have plus two to my strength.

MATT: That's the distance you can jump in feet is your strength score. So triple that, you can jump pretty far.

MARISHA: Let me jump behind there. Do I have enough, with the rest of my movement, can I get inside this building?

MATT: No, that would be part of your movement.

MARISHA: Then I'll stay there.

MATT: Okay. Finishing Keyleth's turn, Percival, you're up. You heal 20 hit points.

SAM: That's nice!

TALIESIN: I'm going to head this way on the tower. (counting) Do I see Keyleth?

MATT: Make a perception check.

TALIESIN: I'm down for that. That's a terrible roll. That's 16.

MATT: She's not hiding, so you do see the very edge of her. He has an eyeline to the very edge of you. That's as far as you can get with your movement. She has three-quarters cover.

TALIESIN: That doesn't matter to me. How far away is she?

MATT: You're eyeballing maybe about 45, 50 feet.

TALIESIN: I'm going to do something really weird. I'm going to pull out the Iron Bands of Bilarro. I'm going to make a toss, try and nail her in the head. It's got a range of 60 feet.

MATT: It does. Make a ranged attack roll.

LIAM: Take me out to the ball game!

MARISHA: Take me out to the-- what's after that?

TRAVIS: The crowd.

MARISHA: The crowd!


SAM: It's a good throw.

MATT: All right. Keyleth, as you're ducking around, you hear this faint shout in the distance of--

TALIESIN: Manners! Oh, you don't! Does it work?


MARISHA: I have Freedom of Movement, too, cast on me.

LIAM: Too late!

MATT: As the band expands and wraps around Keyleth's body, you watch as she quickly slips out of the bindings and the chains fall to the ground before reverting back to a sphere.


LIAM: That's amazing!

TALIESIN: Fucking oh my god! That was clutch!

MARISHA: That was so good!

LIAM: Only because you remembered, holy shit!

MATT: That would have been bad.

TALIESIN: I just saw that happen, didn't I?

MATT: Yeah, you did.

TALIESIN: All right!

MARISHA: Thank god for that fucking 4th-level spell.

TALIESIN: That was really scary. That was my attack. I'm going to back off and then go back to the center of that tower and sit and try to get three-quarters cover over there. I want to stay in the green light.

MATT: You're staying there and crouching low. Ending Percival's turn, Scanlan, you're up. You can see Keyleth from around.

SAM: I can?

MATT: You pull out of that side there.

SAM: I'm going to dash right towards Keyleth.

MATT: Dash?

SAM: No, just run.

MATT: That's your movement there.

SAM: How far away am I?

MATT: She's about 35, 40 feet.

SAM: So more than 30?

MATT: More than 30, correct.

SAM: Fuck you!


MATT: Yeah.

SAM: Goddamn it.

MATT: 35 feet, yeah.

SAM: Goddamn it! All right, I mean I'll just--

MATT: Sorry, Grog.

TRAVIS: A barbarian's world.

SAM: Sorry, changing my mind, seeing if this works. What is the save?

MARISHA: Only when we reach level 20, boys, only when we reach level 20.

SAM: Wisdom? She's so wise!

TALIESIN: Oh, a wise guy?

MARISHA: Early game druids kind of suck, later games, kind of boss.

SAM: She's not immune to charm, though. I've already charmed her once. Yeah, fuck it. One more thing to check, sorry.

LIAM: Sam, 20 levels and you haven't got your spells in order?

SAM: This is a brand new spell, I've never used it! What's the range? It's 30 feet, great. I will Dominate Person.

MATT: Dominate Person for Keyleth.

SAM: Yeah, it's not going to work because she's super wise, but I'll try.

MATT: Okay, you need to make a wisdom saving throw. You have advantage because you are a half-elf, so you have advantage against charm effects.

LIAM: Oh shit, with her wisdom? Good luck, buddy.

MARISHA: What do I have to save? 22?

SAM: 22.

MARISHA: Let me do the math really quick. Yeah, I'm all right. I rolled a natural 16.

MATT: Sorry, Scanlan, she resists the spell.

SAM: It's fine. As my bonus action I will say to her: That spell was an inspiration and we're still on the same team, right?

MARISHA: I feel so bad I had to teleport Grog away, but I'm still looking for Vax.

SAM: Okay, me too.

MATT: That finishes your turn. The field shimmies and crunches even closer. You watch as this distant building begins to collapse inward.

LIAM: Oh wow, Matt. Oh wow!

MARISHA: Did you turn it in?

MATT: That door's destroyed.

LIAM and MARISHA: Stay turnt.

TRAVIS: The portal's gone.

TALIESIN: So, two squares in all around.

MATT: Two squares in all around.

TALIESIN: I'm in. When we get four we actually start to remove rock blocks.

SAM: What's up? Who's next?

MATT: Vax.

LIAM: I'm going to use my 120 feet of regular movement to fly out of my hiding place into the air. This is probably half my movement, right about there. I can't see, about there. Don't worry, this is temporary. I wouldn't do that. I see Percival, Scanlan, Keyleth. I've used half my movement about, I would guess. And I'm going to use my bonus action to use Vow of Enmity on Keyleth.

MATT: You watch as you suddenly turn and look up into the sky as you see, giant wings unfolded, Vax points down at you and with a giant earth-shattering caw in the sky of a raven cry, you feel this mark penetrate your chest, as he marks you with his Vow of Enmity.

LIAM: I want to fly within 60 feet of her using still my base movement.

MATT: You are about 60 feet here.

LIAM: I will use my regular paladin attack, which is an attack-attack, to attack her. Which is at advantage because of the Vow of Enmity.

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: Not great. I'm going to use a Luck. I'm going to use a Luck. That's better. Not much better. That is a 20.


LIAM: Right, so here we go, just a little bit, though. A tickle for you, really. (counting) 28 and that's the first attack and then the second attack--

MATT: Total of 28 on that one?

LIAM: 28, yeah, total.

MARISHA: 28 what damage?

LIAM: 28 damage. That was a combo, there was some psychic, there was eight of psychic. Okay, then the second attack is 25 to hit, which also hits, but it's much dinkier. So that is eight.

MARISHA: Eight. That's 36 total.

LIAM: So that was movement plus paladin action, and I will use my hasted action and bonus action. I'll use my haste so I can go another 60 feet and I'm going to fly about there. Then I'm going to use my regular action to-- you guys don't fucking know. I will tell you where I'm using my bonus action to hide.

MATT: I'm sorry. What? You moved over, used your paladin action to attack twice--

LIAM: Attack, attack for paladin action, and I still have a hasted action and a bonus action. One can be used for more movement--

MATT: Are you moving somewhere with one of your actions? Is what I'm asking.

LIAM: 60 feet. Another 60 feet-ish for the base movement to there. Everybody thinks I don't know what I'm talking about!

MATT: No, I know. I need clarification because they need to know where you ran off to. They still see you. You're still out in the open.

LIAM: So my base movement gets me to probably about here, and I use my paladin attack to attack twice, right? So I've got bonus action and a hasted action left. That is 120 feet left on one, and then I can use the bonus action to hide.

MATT: I'm so excited for the new campaign.

LIAM: I know! (laughter) Me too!

MATT: This is my own fault.

LIAM: I have a great character planned! I can't wait, but I know that I can use another 120 feet from here to get to there, there, there, or there and a bonus action to hide. It's all in the fucking book dudes!

MATT: Your movement is 120 feet, which got you to there, right.

LIAM: Paladin action which is attack-attack, and I still have hasted action which can be used for movement--

MATT: Do it. Text me where you are.

LIAM: It's right!

MATT: It's correct! You're completely correct! You are completely correct. No, don't get shit for it. You're doing your job. It's just a process to work out for the scenario of this type of event.

LIAM: Hey man, send a message to Mike Mearls about the 5th edition handbook. Thanks, Mike Mearls, I love the handbook.

MARISHA: It's okay, everyone hates me tonight, so were all in the same boat.

MATT: All righty, ending Vax's turn, Keyleth, you're up.


MATT: You got shanked twice with two daggers after the Vow of Enmity and watched your Vax vanish off somewhere in-- which direction?

LIAM: The last anyone saw me is here. Keyleth saw me here going in this direction.

MATT: You watched him vanish that way right behind the tower. What are you doing, Keyleth? Percy, you're on deck.

TRAVIS: Isn't Plane Shift concentration?

MATT: Plane Shift? I don't believe it is. It just happens.

MARISHA: l will look, though.

MATT: Banishment is concentration, that's probably what you were thinking of.

MARISHA: I didn't have any concentration spells up either.

TRAVIS: I just meant if you get hit--

MARISHA: In case you come back. Let me actually check.

MATT: Keyleth, you're fine. What you got?

MARISHA: Fuck, I hope this doesn't fuck up. Peek around the corner. Do I see Scanlan?

MATT: Yeah. This whole time you see Scanlan running up to you and telling you all this.

MARISHA: (laughs) Sure. I'm going to peek around, see Scanlan and be like: Hey, buddy!

SAM: Hey!

MARISHA: You see Vax?

SAM: He was a blur. Came over, shot at you, and left.

MARISHA: Cool, good to know. Feeblemind!

SAM: Oh shit! Counterspell level six!

MARISHA: Fail. Well, you still have to roll for it. Feeblemind level eight.

MATT: Feeblemind is an 8th-level spell. Go ahead and roll-- (laugh) Okay, hold on.

SAM: Ah wait, the range is 30 feet.

TALIESIN: She moved five feet.

MATT: She did move up to peek, she said.

MARISHA: Range for Feeblemind is 150 feet.

SAM: Oh, okay. Sorry.

MATT: Wait, 60-foot range for Counterspell, right?

SAM: Probably, yeah.

MATT: I'm pretty sure it is.

SAM: Yeah, It says range 60, it's used as a reaction.

MATT: Yeah I know, doesn't matter either way. All right, for you it's a Counterspell.

MARISHA: I should've backed up.

MATT: Yeah, you should've moved. It's all good. I need you to make an ability check using your spellcasting ability, so a charisma check.

MARISHA: And what does he have to do?

SAM: Wait, what? No. Counterspell is ten plus the level, wait, what?

MATT: The DC equals ten plus level of the spell. You have to roll a check and add your charisma bonus.

SAM: Got it. So that's 13 plus six is 19.

MATT: 19. You need to beat 18 DC because it's an 8th-level spell you said?


MATT: He needs to beat an 18. Counterspelled Feeblemind.

MARISHA: You rolled a 19?

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: So as she goes to cast Feeblemind you recognize the incantation from when she used it on Raishan and you go--

SAM: I go: Verily you are-- bad person!

MATT: As the Feeblemind fades--

MARISHA: Fuck! I should've fucking been out of range!

SAM: We're both making mistakes!

MARISHA: We're both really good!

SAM: I know.

MARISHA: I respect you so much!

SAM: I do too. We're making stupid mistakes because we're so anxious.

MARISHA: But we're so good.

SAM: We really are.

MARISHA: We're great. And then I'm going to go to my earth elemental form. I've still got shit to do. I'm going to use my movement. Can I jump back over and run behind the tower this way?

MATT: What's the movement of your elemental again?

MARISHA: 30 feet. This way.

MATT: (counting) That's as far as you can get right there.

MARISHA: Instead of curving around, can I just go straight away from the blue thing? Just in case the blue thing hurts.

MATT: What's that? You want to go around and look?

MARISHA: Instead of curving, can I just go further from the blue thing?

TALIESIN: Remember it's two points in at this point.

SAM, TALIESIN, and LIAM: (singing) What's that blue thing doing there?

TALIESIN: Oh man, we did grow up in that era, didn't we? Oh, that brought it back.

MATT: Last turn when the fields shattered, it did cause the lighting to go off. I forgot to mention that.

SAM: What lighting?

MARISHA: The blue?

MATT: Yes.

TALIESIN: The one Scanlan was next to?

MATT: Last round both of you were out of range so I didn't mention it. I forgot about it in the process, I was focusing on the field.

MARISHA: The blue thing went.

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: So the circle is up next.

MATT: Possibly. So are you staying in the water?

MARISHA: No, if that's the case, let me step back. Right there.

MATT: I'll put you there. At the end of Scanlan's turn--

SAM: That was Keyleth's turn.

MATT: Sorry, Keyleth. You watch as the water and the two chambers flash and the chamber crushes even further. This is partially destroyed. And now you're seeing-- we're using this as a marker-- it's starting to accelerate the destruction in the interior. Pushing this in here.

LIAM: It's about to get real on the field back.

SAM: Why would Colville do this to us? He's a kind and gentle lord.

MATT: Using that as a mark. That falls back to this partially destroyed there.

SAM: Wow. All this work destroyed.

MATT: I know. All righty. Vax, sorry, Percival.

TALIESIN: I'm going to get up right over here.

MATT: I'm confused. The field should happen later this round, but we'll get to it.

TALIESIN: I'm getting up over here on this point of the tower and I'm holding my action until I see even the slightest fucking little black feather appear anywhere on this field and I'm going to lay goddamn waste.

MATT: Okay. Ending Percival's turn, Scanlan, your turn.

SAM: I run after Keyleth and I say: Wait I forgot! Feeblemind. I will use Wish to cast Feeblemind on her.

MARISHA: All right.

MATT: Keyleth, I need you to make an intelligence saving throw.

MARISHA: Just straight intelligence? Do I get anything?

MATT: Whatever your intelligence saving throw is.

MARISHA: As the earth elemental? I keep my mental stats, though.

MATT: That's right, because it's Wild Shape you keep your mental stats.

MARISHA: Not that that means anything. Okay.

TALIESIN: Wow. I mean he had to get clutch, didn't he?

TRAVIS: Drop that motherfucker.

MARISHA: I'm trying to make sure that I don't have any type of weird resistance--

SAM: To impossible to defeat spells?


MARISHA: Terrible!

MATT: So roll 4d6 psychic damage.

TRAVIS: He's the king for a reason you guys.

MARISHA: He tried to do what he did to me!

SAM: 11.

MATT: So you take 11 points of psychic damage, Keyleth. Your intelligence and charisma scores become one. You cannot cast spells, activate magic items, understand language or communicate in any intelligible way.

MARISHA: Okay, I take how many? 11 psychic damage?

LIAM: Wow.

MARISHA: So I'm at 115.

TALIESIN: That's changed things, hasn't it?

MATT: That's a swing cast right there.

TALIESIN: You're still a player.

MARISHA: I'm still going.

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Don't count me out.

TALIESIN: She's now just a barbarian.


TRAVIS: Can you shift into things?


MARISHA: Well, I'm currently shifted.

TALIESIN: She can't unshift.

MARISHA: Casting a spell isn't considered a part of Wild Shape.

MATT: Wild Shape is not casting a spell, it's an ability. She can still Wild Shape.

SAM: She can still fucking Wild Shape every turn.

MARISHA: It's an inherent druid nature ability, it's not a spell.

LIAM: Would you know to do that in a frenzy?

MATT: It's not a frenzy.

MARISHA: Who, me?

MATT: Scanlan.

SAM: Yes. I'll duck somewhere so she can't see me.

MATT: We'll say you got that far. Do you move in there?

SAM: You said Feeblemind has a super long range, right? I didn't move at all. I'm going to move back over this way.

MATT: We'll put you there. It's my fault for moving you. That finishes Scanlan's turn. Now the field crushes in where it should've before. That was my fault for doing it out of turn. Also, the flames burst around the chamber. Percival, where are you right now?

TALIESIN: I was just inside, over here.

MATT: You duck out of the way as the flames--

TALIESIN: I'm keeping an eye out.

MATT: That brings us to Vax's turn.

LIAM: Okay, I need to ask a question. Here it comes.

MATT: My phone's starting to get low on battery.

LIAM: I'm plugged in by a computer.

MATT: Okay. Yes.

LIAM: I'm going to use paladin attack-attack. That's good. Even better. That's 33 to hit.

MATT: Percival, what's your armor class?

TALIESIN: 18. That's fine.

MATT: Steps and is throwing daggers from the trap door. He's inside the tower and rushed up.

TALIESIN: This means I get to take my attacks.

MATT: You do. After his first attack.

TALIESIN: That's fine.

LIAM: 38 on the first. Does he attack between my two daggers?

MATT: It's his reaction. He hits as soon as your first attack hits.

LIAM: 38 on the first.

TALIESIN: How much?

LIAM: 38.

MATT: 38 points of piercing damage to you.

TALIESIN: That's fine.

LIAM: Some of it's psychic, but who's counting?

MATT: Technically, no. You'd finish your action, which is your attack action, and then he does all of his.

LIAM: Good. 25. That hit?

TALIESIN: 25 hits.

LIAM: That's eight.

MATT: Eight points of piercing damage.

LIAM: I will dump venom into it. You have to succeed a DC 15.

MATT: Constitution saving throw.

TALIESIN: Yeah. Like 23.

MATT: Yeah, you're fine. As you throw both daggers, you watch as Percival spins around with-- which weapon?

TALIESIN: I was going to use Animus.

MATT: With Animus and goes for his four attacks.

LIAM: Bring it.

TALIESIN: I can do real attacks because this is my real--

MATT: Yeah, you were holding your action. You can spend any grit you've got.

TALIESIN: This is sharpshooter. No, he's hard to hit the first time.

MATT: He doesn't have that. Remember, Kerr took away his cloak a long time ago.

TALIESIN: Cool. Sharpshooter.

LIAM: I was going to say I peeked up, but he's sharpshooter.

TALIESIN: Sharpshooter plus I'm going to do deadeye because I really want to hit this.

LIAM: You've only got four chances.

TALIESIN: That crits.

LIAM: What'd you roll?


LIAM: And?


LIAM: I'll use my last Luck. You have to reroll the 19.

TALIESIN: Can you do that?

LIAM: Yes, I can. On attacks, yes I can.

SAM: He's checking if you do it before the roll or not.


LIAM: And it's my last Luck, so your next three are clear. Absolutely can you use Luck on other people's stuff.

SAM: I am calling it now: Keyleth still wins.

LIAM: And I can't remember if it's my third Luck or fourth, so we're just going to call it my fourth Luck.

MATT: You roll a d20 and choose whether.

LIAM: That's a two!

MATT: So the first attack misses.

TALIESIN: The first attack just misses? He can just negate it.

MATT: He gets to choose whether you take his roll or yours. He rolled a two.

LIAM: You've got three more shots. Of course you're going to shoot me.

TALIESIN: I don't get my grit back, then? I already marked it, it's fine. Let's do that again. Let's twist again like we did last summer.

LIAM: Good old 11 Lucks Vax.

TALIESIN: That's a 26 to hit.

LIAM: Sure, that hits. I'll use Uncanny Dodge on this one since I can see him.

TALIESIN: 1d10 plus 1d6 psychic, which is three, four, five.

LIAM: First blood.

TALIESIN: Where's my brain? That's 23 points.

MATT: So you take 11.

TALIESIN: My third hit. Here we go.

MATT: You spending another grit?

TALIESIN: I'm spending another grit. Yeah, it'll be no fun. No, I'm not going to spend another grit. Still sharpshooter. That's 23 to hit.

LIAM: Just hits!

TALIESIN: I'm rolling so poorly. 20 points of damage, plus five psychic, so 25.

LIAM: That's first blood.

TALIESIN: I can't spend an action surge in this round, can I? On a held action.

MATT: On your turn is how it happens. Double check for you, but I'm pretty sure. On your turn.

LIAM: You've got one more shot. Come on. Draw blood.

TALIESIN: I'm going to use Thunderwave instead of shooting.

MATT: Thunderwave is an action, it's not an attack.

TALIESIN: That's fair. I would have done that at the beginning if I would have thought about it. Same thing. 15, so that hits. 26 to hit.

LIAM: Definitely.

TALIESIN: That's 24 points of damage.

LIAM: Gotcha.

MATT: That ends your reaction. That ends your attacks. You can take the rest of your turn.

LIAM: Question. Is the green beam still there? Does it do anything? Are you going to tell me later? Just throwing it out there.

MATT: You can feel the warmth around you, but it's not doing anything immediately. You have to start your turn there.

LIAM: Those were my two actions, right? I don't need to disengage because I'm not within melee. Right back down. That was-- okay.

TALIESIN: Oh, I have to roll to see if I keep my spell. Con save.

MATT: Go for it.


MATT: 25 succeeds on the first one. Roll again for the second one.


MATT: You still maintain it. That finishes Vax's turn. Keyleth, you're up.

MARISHA: Do I see Vax at all? Probably not.

MATT: No, you do not see Vax at all.

MARISHA: I'm going to use my bonus action to turn into a water elemental and swan dive into the water. Then I'm going to swim over to the edge of the pond where Scanlan is. 90 feet.

MATT: You're right over.

MARISHA: Yep. I'm going to come out of the water and I'm--

SAM: How does she know where I am?!

MARISHA: You fucking Feebleminded! I can still see, motherfucker! I still have eyes! I'm going to come out of the water and I'm going to attempt to whelm him.

SAM: What's that even mean? Not overwhelmed, just whelmed.

MARISHA: Whelm. Make a strength saving throw.

SAM: A strength saving throw. Okay. These aren't good. 14.

MARISHA: Failure!

SAM: Can I Cutting Words? No, right?

MATT: No, it's your own check.

MARISHA: It's an attack. You take 2d8 bludgeoning damage.

MATT: You can Cutting Words to reduce the damage if you'd like to.

MARISHA: 11 plus four, so 15 damage. You are grappled and unable to breathe.

SAM: Jesus!

MARISHA: Do I still have movement?

MATT: You do. You have about 30 feet of movement left. Probably about 20, since you did use some of your movement to get into the water.

MARISHA: That's okay. I just want to take my grapple with him and my whelm and take him back under into this creek.

SAM: You can do that?


SAM: You can hit, grab, and pull all on one action?

MARISHA: Whelm. It's my ability. I'm basically a big elemental and you're stuck inside of me.

SAM: But like, Bigby's Hand can either hit or grab, not hit and grab and pull.

TALIESIN: Bigby's Hand is not a beast.

MATT: It's a different effect, unfortunately. Let me see here.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I forgot to bleed you. Damn. It's okay.

MATT: Yeah, you are restrained and unable to breathe.

SAM: And she's pulling me away?

MARISHA: I mean, you're stuck inside of me until further notice.

MATT: Yeah, because you're whelmed and he's a tiny gnome, yeah. So you pull him into the water. So you're in her space currently, inside Keyleth's elemental form, unable to get out and pulled under the water. Keyleth, does that end your turn?


MATT: Percival.

MARISHA: And I'm now under the water, hiding with Scanlan inside of my belly.

LIAM: You should check hoo-ha.

MATT: I'm checking.

TALIESIN: I assume, because he's got five billion feet of range, that he is long gone?

MATT: You get the sense that he is not just beyond that door.

TALIESIN: Cool. I'm going to shift to the other side of the tower, stay in the healing range, and hold my goddamn-- I'm going to run over here, stay in the little green light, hold my fucking action until I see feather. I'm up and ready.

MATT: All right, that ends your turn, Percival?

TALIESIN: And do I heal, since I'm in the green?

MATT: No, because you started your turn out of it. The green has to be inside the center circle.

TALIESIN: In that case, I'll use my bonus action to down a healing potion.

MATT: Go for it. Scanlan, you're up.

LIAM: Did the green beam do anything for me or did it not work?

MATT: You have to start your turn in the beam in order to get the effect.

SAM: So her intelligence and charisma went to one, but her wisdom still exists? Okay. Good to know. All right. Can I use verbally-based spells?

MATT: We said previously that you can still cast underwater.

SAM: Okay. Then I will cast underwater and cast Dimension Door.

MARISHA: Aw, I knew he was going to do that!

TALIESIN: Does he have to be able to talk in order to do that?

SAM: We just asked that.

MATT: We previously established in the kraken battle that you guys were able to cast spells underwater. That continues here.

SAM: And I will, since I don't know where I am, I will bamf to a place that I do know, which is-- where would I go? Let's go to the room across the water over there.

MATT: Which room?

SAM: Right there, near the PacMan teleporter. Yeah.

MATT: Okay. Inside the room?

SAM: Yeah, closer to the water's edge, but yes.

MATT: Okay, there we go. All right. At the end of your turn, the field crushes in further. It's now moving faster and faster, moving ten feet at a time.

LIAM: This is the end.

TALIESIN: (singing) My only friend, the end.

MATT: Well no, the lightning towers would go off, but they do not because they have been slowly crushed and destroyed, eaten by the field.

MARISHA: The blue? Does that mean it skips?

LIAM: Yeah. I will use a bonus action to dump all my Lay on Hands back into myself. So that's the first thing. And I will--

MATT, TRAVIS, and TALIESIN: Bless you.

LIAM: You know, I will fucking stay put. Then I'll tell you.

MATT: Okay. Keyleth, your turn.

MARISHA: It's my turn already? Okay.

MATT: The numbers are getting down and half the party's just staying in place, doing nothing, so your turn.

TRAVIS: Especially one of them.

MARISHA: Okay, I pop my head out of the water. Do I see anybody?

MATT: Currently, no. You are alone on the battlefield.

MARISHA: Okay. I'm going to switch to an earth elemental. I'm going to come out of the water. I'm going to walk over to the edge of the tower. I'm going to be like, fuck whoever's in this shit! And go boom, and start bringing this tower down with my Siege Monster.

MATT: Go ahead and roll an attack against the tower.

MARISHA: Do I have to roll to hit still?

MATT: Yes, you do.

MARISHA: First attack, 14.

MATT: 14 hits. It's an easy-to-hit tower. Go ahead and roll damage.

MARISHA: Okay, that's 2d8 plus five.

MATT: You get two slam attacks?

MARISHA: I do. That's 15, wait. Yes. 15 damage, doubled, right? So 30? And then second attack. Much better than that. It was a natural 12, so plus eight. So 20.

MATT: Okay.


MATT: So Percival, you feel this impact on the tower. What's going on? (impact) As the back half of it begins to crumble and collapse backwards.

TALIESIN: All right. I can't use any of my held action to run, because that was not my intention.

MATT: No. This all begins to fall and crumble. Oh man, this is going to be interesting. We'll say for the purposes of this, I'll turn it this way. Yeah, it's all falling apart at this point, which works fine.

MARISHA: Fuck all y'all! I'm stupid and angry!

TALIESIN: Regardless, my reaction will be to run away from where it's falling.

MATT: Yeah, this is all just falling down. There is a little bit of this that's still hanging on there. Large portion of the tower is collapsed and is unusable. Percival, you crumble and slide off and fall into the ground.


MATT: I know. You're attaching to it as it falls so go ahead-- Are you just staying onto it?

TALIESIN: Yeah, I'm holding on for dear life.

MATT: All right. So you do not make an acrobatics check and it crumbles beneath you. The rocks begin to grind and tear into you as you fall in with it.

TALIESIN: Okay, so I wouldn't try and dodge? I don't get a dodge for any of that?

MATT: Not if you're adhering to it and it collapses inward.

TALIESIN: Oh, I mean, I didn't know the situation. I was just trying to be safe.

MATT: Okay. It's falling back and then crumbling inwards.

TALIESIN: Oh yeah, no, no, no.

MATT: Make an acrobatics check.

TALIESIN: Okay, sorry, yeah. I thought it was like surfing.

MATT: You were for a moment, and then it all collapsed.

TALIESIN: Acrobatics check? Come on. Oh yeah! 28!

MATT: 28? Okay, yeah. So you manage to only suffer four points of bludgeoning damage and you land, not prone, as you ride it down and are standing there on the side, with an angry earth elemental now slamming into the sides of it.

TALIESIN: 25 constitution saving throw.

MATT: Okay. Keyleth, you do suffer 22 points of bludgeoning damage from the tower pieces collapsing down upon and around you. Reduced by half, because you're an earth elemental.

TALIESIN: Do I see Vax at any point?

MATT: Nope.

TALIESIN: Do I see Scanlan at any point?

MATT: Nope.


MATT: Actually, yeah, you would see Scanlan.

TALIESIN: Can I take my shots?

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: All right.

SAM: How many?

TALIESIN: Three. Four! Ha.

SAM: He sees me?! Through all that fucking rubble?

MATT: Well, he rode it down to the ground and made an acrobatics check to stop, and you're not hidden.

SAM: I'm dead.

TALIESIN: First one is sharpshooter to hit. Nope. I take damage.

MATT: A misfire?

TALIESIN: That's a misfire.

MATT: The first shot's a misfire. Scanlan, don't give up yet.

TALIESIN: So that's four points of psychic damage to me, because I have half saved. Add that. That's 92 now, is what I'm at. And then, fuck Animus. I'm going to the Retort gun for the moment.

MATT: Okay, so you swap out to Retort. Second attack.

MARISHA: Oh, boo!

TALIESIN: Retort's down.

MATT: He goes to fire, (fizzling). Pulls the second gun, (misfire).

SAM: I hold up my gun and say, Need one, motherfucker?

TALIESIN: I can't hear you. And I pull out my last shot. This is my last shot because I've burned everything.

MATT: This is Bad News?

TALIESIN: Yeah. And that's, come on, don't do this to me. Oh, at least it's a hit. 19.

MATT: 19. Scanlan, what's your AC?

SAM: I'm going to Cutting Words that with my little taunt and reduce it by--

TALIESIN: I can't hear him, but okay.

SAM: Oh, that's true. Never mind. Well, then I'll Cutting Words the damage. You can do that, right?

MATT: I think the target of the attack has to be the target of the Cutting Words. Because yeah, it reduces the damage because you fuck with them.

SAM: Okay. Well, then you hit.

TALIESIN: It's not going to be a bad hit.

SAM: They're all bad hits. Massive hit.

MARISHA: That was so good!

TALIESIN: 29 points of damage.

MATT: You know what? "Use your wit to confuse-- a creature that you can see within 60 feet of you makes an attack roll."

TALIESIN: Technically, I guess he could do a visual thing.

MATT: I'll let you do it. So before you put the damage down, go ahead and roll.

SAM: It's going to have to be a really good roll.

MATT: We'll see.

SAM: Nope.

MATT: It's a d12.

SAM: Oh, it's a d12! I've been doing d8s this whole time!

MATT: d12, man.

TALIESIN: Oh, it's even worse!

SAM: One.

MATT: Yeah, so take the damage. The shot blasts into your shoulder. You see the blood erupt from you. You've been hit by this before.

SAM: Ow! Ow!

MARISHA: Did you not realize?

LIAM: I'm using a Sharpie, yeah.

TALIESIN: Too late now, anyway! Yeah, I know, it's like, we might as well burn it. We're burning it.

MATT: Percival, that ends your turn? Scanlan.

TALIESIN: Yeah. Oh, I mean, no, that's not my turn. That was my reaction.

MATT: Right, because Keyleth brought it down.

TALIESIN: Yeah, so it's Keyleth's turn. Sorry.

MATT: Right, because you were waiting--

TALIESIN: I was holding my attack until I saw people.

MATT: Right. Okay. So that brings us to the top of the round. Percy, it's your turn.

SAM: What?! He can hold three attacks?

MATT: Well, he held his action to attack as soon as he saw somebody, and he saw you and Keyleth. He attacked you.

SAM: And one attack is three?

MATT: Four attacks. A 20th-level fighter, it's their thing.

MARISHA: It's what fighters do.

TALIESIN: Just barely fixed my gun. Barely.

MATT: All right, so that's your action.

TALIESIN: And now I'm going to do an action surge.

MATT: Okay. So you fixed which one? Animus?

SAM: He's going to shoot me eight times!

TALIESIN: Shot number one with grit, because I'm a little nervous about this. 26. I didn't call sharpshooter, so I'm just going to call that 31 to hit.

MATT: Okay. That hits.

TALIESIN: That hits. 1d10 plus 1d6. That was terrible. 11 points of damage.

SAM: Sure, yeah.

MATT: Next attack? Second?

TALIESIN: So I'm all out of grit now. That's nice. Attack number two is 28.

MATT: Hits. Roll damage.

TALIESIN: Oh, that's better. 17 points of damage.

SAM: I will Cutting Words. Top of the round, I get my reaction back.

MATT: It hasn't come back to your turn.

SAM: Then I'm dead.

MATT: Scanlan goes unconscious with that second hit.

TALIESIN: Cool. I still have two attacks? I'm going to take my movement to run over to him.

TRAVIS: Shove a healing potion in his mouth.

TALIESIN: That's as far as I can go?

MATT: It's water and you're walking through water right now.

TALIESIN: That water freaks me out. I don't want to quite step in that water.

MATT: So you could stay up, over here.

TALIESIN: Yeah, just over there. Keep me up on the little bit because I don't want Keyleth to see me, because she's scary.

MATT: I mean, she can see you. You're not hiding from her. She's this giant behemoth.

TALIESIN: Okay, I would like to curl a little bit then out of her range of vision.

MATT: You're out of movement right there. That's as far as you will get.

MARISHA: I know exactly where you are.


MATT: And she can sense it. She feels the footfalls.

TALIESIN: I have two more shots? All right, I'm taking a shot-- actually, unconscious, I don't get grit back? It's death I get grit back. All right, so, taking another-- but when he dies I get a grit.

MATT: Okay. He's prone, technically, so you have disadvantage on the attack.

TALIESIN: Oh, well then, hm. Fuck it, then. I'll hold my attacks and use my bonus action to do a heal.

SAM: On me?

TALIESIN: No, on me.

SAM: Aw.

TALIESIN: Yeah, so I'm done. I'm just getting my 1d10.

MATT: Scanlan, I need you to make a death saving throw, please.

SAM: 17.

MATT: All right, so that's one success. Keep that in mind. All right.

TALIESIN: 22 back.

MATT: The fields (crushing). Another ten feet. I'm using this to mark how deep in it's getting now. So we'll say there.

TALIESIN: So that's 194. I'm back up to 194.

MATT: Also, the water, which is now filled with bits of broken stone, however still sets off.

TALIESIN: That's why I didn't step in it.

MARISHA: That's a good call.

MATT: That brings us to your turn.

LIAM: So from my hidden position, I would like to use ten or 15 feet of movement, whatever I would need to peek out and throw Whisper at Percival's face.

TALIESIN: How would he even know where I am?

LIAM: Well, I would peek out. I'm looking around and I know that I would see you. I was in here and I'm hidden.

MATT: Well, you were hidden until you attacked, which revealed you there.

LIAM: Isn't it a sneak attack from a hidden position?

MATT: It is, but once you hit him, he sees you. This is just for placement. I want to put you on the field once or twice this battle!

LIAM: I know! So I'm using Whisper. That's good, that's a 25 to hit.

TALIESIN: That hits.

LIAM: I'll bamf to him as I do it. It's sneak attack damage. That is nine plus that is 11. Plus all these guys.

TALIESIN: None of this is magic, is it?

LIAM: Some of it's psychic.

MATT: Unfortunately, all the big spellcasters are either down or can't cast spells.

LIAM: That's 40 points of damage. And this is my paladin attack, so that was one. I'm going to use the other attack with Whisper, I've still got it, to throw it at Keyleth's face. Which I will do. That definitely hits. That is a 31. Right. So not a lot of damage, though. (counting) That's 15 of damage. That was maybe 15 feet of movement, paladin attack-attack and I say: Oh!

MATT: Did you bamf to her as well?

LIAM: Yeah. It really pains me. It really does. I use bonus action to disengage. I have most of my original movement and hasted action left. Disengage. You guys don't know where I went.

MARISHA: You disengaged?

LIAM: Yeah.

SAM: You know what I would have done on the third attack? First blood. You did a lot of nothing damage to both of them and then hid.

MARISHA: Kind of.

MATT: That ends your turn. Keyleth, you're up.

MARISHA: Do I see Percy? Oh wait, I can feel him.

MATT: You can feel him, yes.

SAM: You'll never win, Vax! Scanlan from the grave!

TALIESIN: I'm going to point out, by the way, I don't think I've actually attacked you.


TALIESIN: Yeah. Just saying.

MARISHA: Are you thinking that's going to save you?



TALIESIN: I'm making plans.

MARISHA: What do I want to do with you?

TALIESIN: That is a question.

MARISHA: That is such a question. What's next? Next is the fire, right? Oh. Hang on.

MATT: Keyleth, top of your turn. You feel two footfalls very gently in the rubble on the other side of the tower.

MARISHA: Can I make my way to them?

MATT: If you'd like to.


MATT: What's your movement here?

MARISHA: Here's the question. Since I know kind of where he is, can I use my bonus action to turn into a fire elemental and go to him?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: I'm going to do that. My fire elemental movement is 50 feet.

TALIESIN: She looks like she's about to fire a mortar into a compound.

MATT: You, moving 50 feet, through the rubble, since you can move through small spaces, right?

MARISHA: Uh-huh. Actually, shit, I didn't mean fire. I meant water. If that's doable. It's fine. I already called it.

MATT: If you want to do water elemental, you can.

MARISHA: No, I already called it.

MATT: Okay. Fire elemental. You (counting). Vax. You were hiding up in the rubble.

LIAM: That's not where I am. I just sent it to you. You asked me and I told you.

MATT: You sent me two pictures.

LIAM: You asked for clarification. I give it to you. So no one would see me as you put me where I am. Why would she be able to go in there?

MATT: She knows exactly where you are and as a fire elemental, she can dodge between cracks.

LIAM: Did she run out of movement, though?

MARISHA: I have 50 feet, yo.

LIAM: Kill me.

MARISHA: So pouty!

LIAM: I knew it was going to happen!

MATT: As you're sitting there hiding, there's a bright light and there's a slight crevasse between the rocks as a flaming burst of fire elemental Keyleth emerges to assault you. What're you doing?

MARISHA: First, I'm going to enter your space immediately and you take 1d10 fire damage and you catch on fire. Seven damage. Two touch attacks. I'm doing both attacks at once here. First attack is 22.

LIAM: Nope.

MARISHA: Second attack doesn't hit either, then.

MATT: She swipes with one fire claw, you barely dodge out of the way. A second one hits the stone behind you as you duck low.

TALIESIN: But he's on fire.

MARISHA: But you're on fire.

LIAM: Tonight in this game.

MARISHA: Do I have any more movement?

MATT: It took you most of your movement to get there. You have five feet of movement.

MARISHA: Can I move through this crack on the other side here?

MATT: I'll allow it.

MARISHA: Sorry, boom mics.

MATT: With the rubble and everything in here... Ending Keyleth's turn, Percival, you're up.

TALIESIN: I'm making a mad dash for Scanlan.

MATT: Okay. (counting)

TALIESIN: I can't make a jump to see if I can get a little further across there?

MATT: What's your strength?

TALIESIN: My strength sucks. My strength is 12.

MATT: You jump and land. You're up to your chest in water.

TALIESIN: I'm going to use the rest of my action to continue to run towards Scanlan.

MATT: You're going to use an action to dash?

TALIESIN: Use an action to dash. Can I get a little further, or is that as far as I can get?

MATT: Maybe five more feet.

TALIESIN: I want to be on the other side of him, if that's okay.

MATT: You can get to there.

TALIESIN: That'll do.

MATT: That's your turn?

TALIESIN: That's my turn.

MATT: Scanlan. Death saving throw.

SAM: 11.

MATT: You're fine. That's two successes. The field crushes in further. Slowly pushing in. At this point, by the way, so you're aware, Percival.

TALIESIN: I thought I had a little bit of room.

MATT: You have a little bit, this whole chamber. Let me use this to mark it here. That's where it's closing in. Closer and closer. Vax, your turn.

MARISHA: Wait, when is it the top of the round?

MATT: It just went. That was Percival.

MARISHA: Did the torches go, or no?

MATT: No, they go after Scanlan's turn, now, the field. You're right. Thank you for the reminder.

TALIESIN: Hey, look at that!

MARISHA: Sorry, I'm totally helping the DM.

TALIESIN: No, you're killing Vax! Well done!

MATT: Valid point. The area around the tower ignites in flame. You're immune to fire, Keyleth. I need you to make a dexterity saving throw.

LIAM: Right. I get advantage. 29.

MATT: That's a success. You take no damage because of evasion.

MARISHA: Ballsacks.

LIAM: Is it my turn?

MATT: Your turn.

LIAM: I'm separated with a wall from her a little bit.

MATT: Slight gap in the wall.

LIAM: I'm going to skitter five or ten feet. I know she can hear me, but he can't. Then I'm going to use a little more movement. This looks like a hole, so I'll floof out to about here. I'll paladin attack-attack Percival from the air over the water. Yeah. Oh, that's not very good. That's 18.

TALIESIN: That's my armor class.

LIAM: Hits. The second attack is not, so it doesn't hit, but the first one does and it's sneak attack. That's 18 plus these guys. Here we go. (counting) 40.

MATT: 40 points of piercing damage to you.

LIAM: One attack hit, one missed. I used bonus action to hide, a little bit of movement to get here, attack-attack. So I have hasted action and a lot more movement left. I'll use the rest of my base movement to go. I will tell you where I'm going.

SAM: You're going to heal me.

LIAM: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Ending Vax's turn. Keyleth, you're up.

MARISHA: Okay. Blue, that's gone. I know he's around here somewhere, yeah? Over around this side.

MATT: Yes. You felt a little (clicking).

MARISHA: Can I jump into the water and swim around as a water elemental and see if I can get to this other side?

MATT: You turn into a water elemental.

MARISHA: This might not be the best call. If I get around here, can I poke my head up and see if I find him?

MATT: I have to wait to find out.

MARISHA: I just projected where I was going to be, though, he could just change his fucking mind!

LIAM: He projected my position four times tonight. It's just the nature of the game, man.


MARISHA: Don't sext him while you're at it! Jesus!

SAM: The new campaign will be all texts.

MATT: Never mind. You felt no (clicking). Instead, he just disappeared from sight. You saw him go this direction, but you have no idea where he is. Do you want to remain fire elemental?

MARISHA: Well, I was jumping into water elemental to go around, but if I don't feel him land, then I'll go earth elemental. Let me start stomping up and over and seeing what I see.

MATT: Sure. I'll let you step up over rough terrain.

MARISHA: (grumbling)

MATT: Dashing through.

MARISHA: Okay. Do I see anything? Do I see any flying asshole rogues?

MATT: You don't see anything.

LIAM: It's my only mechanic.

MATT: Percival.

MARISHA: It's a good mechanic!

TALIESIN: This is probably the best use of this. I'm going to use my action surge. I'm going to hold my action, but I'm going to use my action surge. I can use an action surge instead of holding my action. Just to stab this fucker three times.

MARISHA: Brutal!

MATT: The first attack. Roll an attack with advantage because he's on the ground.

SAM: I'm prone. I get half!

MATT: Only against ranged attacks.


MATT: That hits. It's an auto-crit. You fail two death saving throws.

TALIESIN: Here goes the second one. 29.

MATT: And with that, you shank Scanlan.

TALIESIN: Oh look, I get a grit back.

MATT: Scanlan bleeds out.

SAM: Who will tell my story?


TALIESIN: I'm not proud of this. I'm never telling anyone. I'm like: I don't know, he ran off. I am going to move out into this direction over here because I know the walls are caving in. I have 30 movement. I'm going to move right over here to start getting out of the way.

MATT: Over where?

TALIESIN: Around the corner.

MATT: The wall's up against there.

TALIESIN: In that case, I'll head that direction. (counting) I'm holding my action for the second I see anyone start to fuck with me.

MATT: You already used your action.

TALIESIN: That was my action surge.

MATT: Oh. Action surge first. You hold your action in case you see anything.

MARISHA: That's a good idea.

TALIESIN: I can do a lot of damage now.

MATT: End of Percival's turn.

TALIESIN: Just have to bet that I can plow damage.

MATT: The water bursts with magical energy. No, it was fire last time, so now it's lightning. Blue things are gone, nothing happens. Also, it crushes in once more. Bringing us to there. Currently, the walls have crushed in.

TALIESIN: I always knew it would be the three of us.

SAM: You did?

TALIESIN: No. I just always wanted to say that.

LIAM: You always said it would be Grog and Keyleth.

MARISHA: Yeah, I thought it was going to be me and Grog again.

TRAVIS: With all the magic that I have?

TALIESIN: If you had gotten your hands on anybody--

MARISHA: Yeah, if you had closed the gap, that's it. That's down for any of us.

TRAVIS: Disengage. Shift. Element. You just (poof) right out of it.

TALIESIN: And also, can I mention, isn't he still on fire? Make it harder to--

LIAM: Matt. One.

MATT: One. Okay. So, couple things. One, roll 1d10 fire damage, Marisha, by the way.

TALIESIN: Thank you. Lead him out.


MATT: Technically twice, since you didn't do it last turn, right?

LIAM: I was about to say, I didn't stop drop and roll or anything. Literally about to say.

MATT: It's an action to put it out.

LIAM: Yeah, so I didn't do it.

MATT: So, nine fire damage, and then roll again.

MARISHA: So nine now, and then another four. So, 13.

LIAM: 13. Got it.

MATT: And then you fail your constitution saving throw as the wall slams into you, pushing you back. Oof. You take 28 points of force damage, and you are thrown, prone onto the ground right there.

LIAM: Great.

MATT: That ends that turn. Vax, your turn.

LIAM: Okay. I will use movement to get up.

MATT: Half your movement.

LIAM: Half my, 60 feet of movement to stand up, got it. And I will fly low along the ground--

MATT: Also Vax--

LIAM: Are the boots off?

MATT: The boots are off.

LIAM: Okay. So it's not 60, the wings are up, so 30 feet to get up.

MATT: Correct.

TALIESIN: Oh, thank god.

LIAM: 30 feet to get about-- I don't know, can I perch there? Flying low? I should be within 60 feet of Kiki, and I have Vow of Enmity still, so I will attack-attack-attack.

MATT: Yeah, you can barely see her. You just barely have her in range. Percy. You watch as he glides in the air--

TALIESIN: Oh, hey, I got a shot!

LIAM: This is here, this is here. There's a gap there?

TALIESIN: Yeah, but you wouldn't have flown up to your perch.

LIAM: Okay.

TALIESIN: I will take my shot.

MARISHA: Out of the shadows, boy!

LIAM: Everybody hates me.

MATT: Everybody hates each other!

TALIESIN: First shot.

MARISHA: As the internet said earlier, we're really bad at shit-talking each other. Just embrace it.

TALIESIN: First shot, I'm burning my grit for a Sharpshooter.

MATT: She's been Feebleminded! Don't play Woe is Me!

TALIESIN: Going to burn my grit for a Sharpshooter in hopes of really doing some damage.

MATT: He got Plane Shifted, he got shanked by Percival! You're doing all right!

TRAVIS: First time we've seen you in three hours and 45 minutes.

TALIESIN: 25 to hit.

LIAM: That probably hits a lot.

SAM: First blood!

TALIESIN: Here, I'm using good dice for this. Oh yeah. 28 plus six psychic, so 34 points of damage.

LIAM: I can use Uncanny Dodge on that, since I can see him if he can see me.

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: So, half that.

TALIESIN: Half of 34.

MATT: That would be 17. Next attack?

TALIESIN: Next attack.

MARISHA: Kill him!

TALIESIN: Oh, goddamn it. Animus is down. That was a 20. Bad News comes out. That's a third attack. Come on, Gil.

MARISHA: Is that a crit?

TALIESIN: No, it's not a crit.

MARISHA: Damn it, so close.

TALIESIN: That's a 27 to hit.

LIAM: Yeah, you're good.

TALIESIN: Where are my dice for that?

MARISHA: Not that I'm cheering on for your death or anything.

LIAM: Yes, you are.

MARISHA: I'm just excited. I'm excitable.

TALIESIN: That's 26 points of damage.

MATT: 26 points of piercing damage.

TALIESIN: I can't use a bonus to reload, can I?

MATT: Nope. Not your turn.

TALIESIN: So I just reloaded. All right.

MATT: So your last attack is to reload.

SAM: I cast Slowly Decompose.

TRAVIS: I cast Waterlogged.

MATT: Okay, so now you land there, and can make your attacks on him.

LIAM: It's still my turn. Oh, wow, that's amazing.

MATT: Yep. That was his reaction.

LIAM: Dagger dagger dagger. Yeah, that's a 30 to hit. Oh, it doesn't matter, because I've got Vow of Enmity up. I was going to say am I still hidden, but I've got Vow of Enmity. That is sneak attack on that. That's 30.

MARISHA: Oh, Scanlan! We could have been pit fiends together! But I got Feebleminded! Oh no! And you died! We waited too long!

MATT: I had these minions at the ready, just in case!

SAM: Aww!

MARISHA: We were going to be awesome!

TRAVIS: That would've been fun.

MATT: I know. Pit fiend on a full melee round against a single target can do an average of 115 hit points of damage and lock down healing.

LIAM: 44 on the first.

MARISHA: Damage?

LIAM: 44 damage on the first? Does 18 hit?

MARISHA: Yes. Pretty much everything hits these motherfuckers.

LIAM: You get ten on that. 28 on the third, also hits. That is 12 on the third.

MATT: You've used all your movement.

LIAM: Yeah, I'm done because I'm not hasted any more. I used half to stand up and the other half to get there. I used-- it's complicated, folks. Paladin attack-attack and bonus to do a third attack. So I'm done.

MATT: Keyleth, your turn.

MARISHA: All right! Let's dance! I jump. As I jump, I'm going to turn into a water elemental. Ker-splash. Then use my movement speed to come up. I'm going to try to whelm Vax.

MATT: A leap there would be 20 feet of movement.

MARISHA: With my dope mantle.

LIAM: She's not so dumb that she thinks she's an earth elemental forever?

MARISHA: I'm an archdruid!

LIAM: You have an intelligence of one.

MATT: Marisha, technically your mantle isn't on you right now because you're in elemental form.

MARISHA: Beast Shape says that anything that's on me absorbs into me.

MATT: Absorbs into your form.

MARISHA: And elemental is my form.

MATT: But you're not getting your ring of protection bonus, you're not getting your other elements that you have in physical form. They stay within you so when you transform back, the effects return, but you don't get the Jump ability. What's the strength of this guy?

MARISHA: 20 strength.

MATT: Oh yeah.

LIAM: Suddenly, five rules lawyers around the table.

MATT: Water elemental there. I'll say half your movement to get into the water, the jump. Turn into a water elemental.

MARISHA: How much speed do I have left?

MATT: Half of your swim speed.

MARISHA: So 45. Can I get to Vax?

MATT: (counting)

LIAM: Oh, difficult terrain!

MARISHA: I can swim! I'm a fucking water elemental!

MATT: You're just in melee range with him.

MARISHA: Blub blub blub! Whelm again.

MATT: Do you have to move into his space for whelm?

MARISHA: Each creature in the elemental's space. So yes.

MATT: He's unfortunately just out.

MARISHA: Then I'll do my two slam attacks. Bam bam.

TALIESIN: He's low, man.

MATT: You're just out of range for being whelmed, so that's good.

SAM: Weirdly, taking away all of Keyleth's intelligence has made her a more effective fighter.

MARISHA: 20. Misses. I've got to roll high in order to actually get you. That's even better! 25!

MATT: Roll damage.

MARISHA: Roll, baby! 17 points of damage.

LIAM: Uncanny dodge.

TRAVIS: So casual.

MATT: You take eight points of bludgeoning damage from the water.

MARISHA: Okay. That's it.

MATT: That brings us to Percival.

TALIESIN: I'm going to try and fix my gun with my roll.

MATT: This is your action.

TALIESIN: And boy that does it.

SAM: It's so fixed.

TALIESIN: Sometimes it'll really break. I'm going to make my way up on top of that tower.

MATT: Right there?

TALIESIN: Yeah. A little closer.

MATT: Just so you know, the force field is right there.

TALIESIN: Oh, never mind. I thought it was a little further back. I'm going to try to cross the water and get back to the other side of the water again.

MATT: (counting) Right there.

TALIESIN: That'll do it. Just let the two of them settle their differences.

MARISHA: Not a bad call.

MATT: Now, the energy fields burst with purple energy.

MARISHA: Was so hoping I was going to have Vax in that water.

MATT: Actually, they don't! They've been destroyed by the fields, so they do not have an effect any more.

MARISHA: It's just us kids.

MATT: Which saves you because that would have knocked out your form. However, the fields move in further, completely destroying this here.

TALIESIN: I am so excited by this.

LIAM: I'm going to be dead. I'm a dead man.

MATT: This all goes away. Just the edge of the water now. We're in on this area now. Vax, it's your turn.

LIAM: I would like to paladin attack Keyleth with Vow of Enmity twice. The first one is a natural 20. Let's just calculate that, shall we? That's one. Get all the dice first. (counting) Not that great, actually. That is 58 for the first attack.

MATT: 58 damage to your water elemental.

MARISHA: Wait, is that magical? No, it's straight damage, right?

LIAM: Eight psychic and double on all the dice.

MATT: Magical dagger attacks, so you do not resist.

MARISHA: What was the first one, 56?

LIAM: 58.

MARISHA: That's not right, either! No, that is right.

MATT: You can't see Percival.

MARISHA: What was the other one?

LIAM: 14.

SAM: Can't be done! Don't you get it? The math's not there! You have to deliver more than 200 points of damage in a single round to kill her! You can't do it without us! The math is not there!

LIAM: So that was paladin attack-attack. I'll use disengage.

TRAVIS: Fly into the wall. Do it. Burn yourself up, every inch.

LIAM: I don't want to do the phone thing. I'm going to fly 60 feet, but Percy doesn't see me. She does. I fly to about here. 60 feet. I'm on the other side of this tower.

MATT: You disengaged from her.

LIAM: Disengage and then my movement of 60 feet.

MATT: All right. That ends Vax's turn. Keyleth, you're up.

LIAM: Here she comes.

MARISHA: Yep! I'm going for that motherfucker right there!

LIAM: Percy would have shot me out of it. I stay low.

MATT: Technically, on that side, there is no water there. This is all gone. This has all been eaten away. You'd have to get up onto the land there.

MARISHA: Then let me go earth elemental and walk on over to him.

MATT: You can move partially.

MARISHA: There we go.

MATT: That's as far as you can right there.

MARISHA: Total? I can't get any further?

MATT: Nope. With a 30 feet speed for an earth elemental, right?


MATT: That's as close as you can get.

MARISHA: Okay. Yeah.

MATT: That's your turn? You still have an action.

MARISHA: There's nothing I can do as an earth elemental with Feeblemind.

MATT: You can use your action to dash towards him if you wanted to.

MARISHA: Sure. I'll get right up in his face. I can't grapple him? I can't do anything?

MATT: The field's up against there, so technically he had to fly around and land.

LIAM: Is it just this island left now, Matt?

MATT: Yep!

MARISHA: Okay, wait. Is it all the way up into here?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Sorry. I don't mean to retroact things. If that's the case, can I do an air elemental and fly over?

MATT: Sure, you can do that.

TALIESIN: This system's a little confusing.

MATT: I know, my apologies.

TALIESIN: You're doing great.

LIAM: We're vamping.

MARISHA: In that case, let me do a fire elemental, if that's okay, and then I'll go 50 feet. I've got 50 feet of movement and I can move through one-inch spaces.

MATT: You can just get up to where he is.

MARISHA: Can I get in his space and catch him on fire immediately?

TALIESIN: He's already on fire still.

LIAM: It's your third try at a form, dude.

MARISHA: Are you still on fire?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Should I have rolled again?

MATT: You should have taken damage last turn.

LIAM: I'm probably down, then.

MARISHA: Six points of damage.

LIAM: I'm unconscious.

MATT: As you land--

TALIESIN: You can burn him out.

MATT: He's smoldering on the ground. You go over to where Vax is, and he's just burning. His unconscious body is burning.

MARISHA: I go: Hey, Scanlan, I found him! I found Vax! Scanlan?

MATT: You look over and see on the field that's pushing forward, there's a Scanlan corpse being rolled as it shoves him closer onto the battlefield.

SAM: First! Blood!

LIAM: Is there water? The water's gone.

MATT: The water's over here. We'll put you there.

MARISHA: He's on fire.

MATT: Percy, your turn.

MARISHA: I can still attack him.

MATT: The corpse? Yeah, you can. Go for it.

LIAM: I thought you used all your shit to get there.

MARISHA: No, I just walked there.

LIAM: Okay, cool.

SAM: And Grog just suffocated.

MATT: Nah, he's got constitution for days. He's got five more minutes on this shit.

MARISHA: What do I have to roll to hit him, by the way? He's down and unconscious, so do I have to roll?

LIAM: It's two death saves per.

MATT: Melee, you have advantage to attack him.

LIAM: I'm not going to dodge sleeping.

TALIESIN: You're literally sitting on him. You're going to burn him.

MARISHA: Yeah, both of my attacks hit.

MATT: His body incinerates.

MARISHA: I just sit on him, I'm like: Sorry!

MATT: Yeah, each time.

SAM: Oh, each time and she hit him twice?

MATT: Hit him twice. So Vax's body burns away.

LIAM: I'm two out of three. She's got to hit me one more time.

MATT: Oh, that was just the first hit? I thought you hit him with both.

MARISHA: I hit him twice.

LIAM: Oh, so the first one's two. Peace!

MATT: Both attacks. You're incinerated.

TALIESIN: I'm a little fucked, but we'll see how this goes.

SAM: A little?! You. Can't. Win!

MARISHA: Sorry, boo.

TALIESIN: It's okay. Do you have the sensory? Anytime you turn to rock, you can tell where I am, so it doesn't really matter. I'm going to drop Silence. I'm going to use my bonus action to cast. Can I see her?

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: I'm casting Hex. I'm taking three shots from where I'm standing with Animus.

MATT: Not four?

TALIESIN: Four, god, I'm just getting used to it. Four sharpshooter. Number one is 19 to hit.

MARISHA: Hit. I'm really easy to hit.

TALIESIN: Oh shit, that's pretty good. That's 27 normal points of damage. Five psychic and five necrotic.

MARISHA: So 37 total?


MARISHA: What's the first one, is it piercing?

TALIESIN: Piercing.

MARISHA: Which I take half of because it's not magical.

MATT: It is magical because you're shooting with Animus.

TALIESIN: Oh, so I don't have to break this up. This is magical damage.

MARISHA: So 37 total? Okay.

TALIESIN: Shot number two. Come on, man, this is all I need. Fucking fuck fuck. I take two psychic damage as it jams. I'm jamming a lot.

SAM: I'm jamming!

TALIESIN: Shot number three is Bad News, which is not magic.

SAM: We jamming!

TALIESIN: 25 to hit.

MATT: That hits.

TALIESIN: It's not awesome because you take half damage because it's piercing.

LIAM: First blood.

TALIESIN: It's 26 points of piercing damage.

MATT: Plus d6 necrotic. So 13.

TALIESIN: Plus one necrotic.

MATT: 14 points of damage.

TALIESIN: I'm going to run up the tower. No, straight up the tower. Spider boots.

MATT: I know, there's fire there. You get there.

TALIESIN: I want to get out of the way of the fire when it finally rolls. Trying to get inside of it.

SAM: Can you get to the middle and stay there until the whole island kills her?

MARISHA: I mean, I can do that too.

MATT: End of Percy's turn. The field crushes in even further, which unfortunately does hit you, Keyleth. You get pushed in. Make a constitution saving throw.

MARISHA: Just a straight con save? Don't fuck me, Gil. That's good. 20 total.

MATT: 20, okay. You do succeed. So you take, wow that's a good roll. Six, six, six, six, five, two, four. No, against you. 29 divided, so that's 14 points of force damage. You're now being crushed into the rubble and pushed up the top of it.


SAM: Would you say she's jamming? Into the wall?

MATT: She's jamming pretty hard into that wall.

MARISHA: Whose turn is it?

MATT: That is the field's turn over. It's Keyleth's turn. You're up.

MARISHA: So wait, what did the field just do?

MATT: It's crushing you guys inward.

MARISHA: Did it do the torch or did the torch already happen?

MATT: The torch unfortunately could not because the territory that it would be on-- I mean, the torch goes off, I would say, but you're immune to fire and Percival's out of the way, and only part of it is currently available. It's crushing it very tight.

MARISHA: Cool. Cool cool cool.

TALIESIN: And you took damage from the force field.

MATT: So it's your turn, Keyleth.

MARISHA: I'm going to go earth elemental.

TALIESIN: Goddamn it.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Oh yeah! I'm going to jump all over, Kool-Aid man style, do a big old fatty jump leap. Or, if I can get to Percy?

MATT: You won't get to him with your movement, unfortunately, because there's a lot of rubble in the way.

MARISHA: Okay. I can't jump over it?

MATT: You do, but your movement-- You can't jump more than you can move when you don't have the cloak on.

MARISHA: Am I within ten feet of him?

MATT: He's about 15 feet from you.

MARISHA: Fuck! Okay. That's it, then.

MATT: All right. Percival, you're up.

TALIESIN: I'm going to try and fix my gun because it's the only chance I have. Oh, just barely makes it. Yep. And then, since I don't have an attack, man, there's nothing I can do. I'm going to run on the outskirts on the outside of the tower, behind, and get some cover.

MATT: Here?

TALIESIN: Yeah, on the wall. I'm literally on the wall. It won't crush next round, will it? I mean, at current rate, I'm not doing anything dumb? I mean, I would know, though, if it's been going at--

MATT: You get the sense that, on this side, it will, but not on this side--

TALIESIN: So yeah.

MATT: End of Percival's turn, it crushes in again. Now keeping tabs on where it lies. There is the edge. There, and then on this side, it's right up against you, Percival.

SAM: It's cramming!

MATT: Keyleth, your turn.

MARISHA: Can I move five feet to reach him?

MATT: Yeah. You can get up on top there and bash downward, essentially.

SAM: Do it!

MARISHA: He still has a decent amount of hit points, though.

SAM: Yeah, but you can draw first blood.

MARISHA: This is a force wall. If I throw him into it, it's going to suck?

TALIESIN: It's not that bad. I've hit it three times already.

MATT: Yeah, him and Grog have been thrown into it a few times earlier.

SAM: Crush him!

MARISHA: Okay, can I grapple him and pummel the shit out of him?

MATT: Yeah, if you want to grapple with the first attack.

MARISHA: I'm going to grapple with the first attack.

MATT: All right, I need you both to make athletics checks, please.

SAM: That's you.


MARISHA: Don't fuck me, Gil! That's not bad.

TALIESIN: I'm seven.


MATT: So the first attack, she reaches down and grabs you. Now, the giant elemental form has wrapped its fingers around your shoulders and torso. You're unable to move from the spot.

MARISHA: Do one more attack on him. Do I get advantage on the grappling?

MATT: Your movement is zero. Hm? Your next attack, you attack him. You don't get advantage.

MARISHA: I just attack him? Not good. Sorry, 12.

TALIESIN: That won't hit me.

MATT: Nope, so you're held there in space. Percival.

TALIESIN: Thunderwave, 5th-level.

SAM: You can do 5th-level spells?


SAM: Damn!

MATT: Thunderwave from which one?

TALIESIN: From my Stone King Cincture.

MATT: That's true. All righty. So go ahead and make, what's the saving throw on that?


MATT: DC 16 constitution. Go ahead and make a constitution saving throw, Keyleth.

MARISHA: Saved with a natural 18.

SAM: It's 6d8 halved thunder damage.

MATT: And she gets pushed, or does she not get pushed?

SAM: No. Because she saved, she doesn't get pushed.

MATT: Okay, so still grappled.

TALIESIN: 6d8? All right. Halved. (counting) 29 halved.

MATT: Right, so 14. End of your turn, Percival?

TALIESIN: That counts as a whole attack, doesn't it? Then I'm going to run-- I can't. She's got me. I can't even attempt to break free.

MATT: Actually, you could have, but you spent it to cast Thunderwave. It would've if she had failed the save.

TALIESIN: I don't get to add a d6 to that of hex damage, do I?

MATT: Technically you do, yeah.

TALIESIN: Hey, six points of necrotic.

LIAM: Oh no, she's down to 106.

SAM: Until the next turn.

TALIESIN: I'm still higher.

MARISHA: You are still higher.

TALIESIN: Actually, no, I'm not. Never mind. I'm at 107. So yeah! One point higher.

MATT: Percival, top of your turn. This side stops closing in. This side does. Percy, you are now being smashed between the wall of the tower and the field as she's holding you in space. I need you both to make constitution saving throws as you're having to hold him there to keep him in space. But you have advantage because you're pulling away, I'll say.

TALIESIN: Yeah, 18. So it's 26.


MATT: All right, So you fail. You do get pushed back 15 feet and you take, oh man. All right. That's a good roll.

TALIESIN: Technically, since I'm grappled, do I go with her?

MATT: No, because it breaks the grapple because it pushes you back. So that's 30 points of force damage to you, Keyleth. 15 to you. However, you are currently restrained as you are being held against the wall and the force field. You're pushed back.

MARISHA: Oh, and he's stuck?

MATT: He's being sandwiched between the stone wall and the force field, like (crackling). We're talking like Tetsuo-crush. All right.

TALIESIN: It's my turn now, right? Or no?

MATT: No, now it's Keyleth's turn.

SAM: And that's when the Irresistible Dance kicks in. Delayed response.

MARISHA: Can I take and through this wall, push it and start crushing Percy? Two slam attacks with the wall, crush crush?

TALIESIN: Yeah, no, I'm into that.

MATT: All right, so go ahead and make an attack.

MARISHA: Against the wall or against Percy?

MATT: Against the wall.

MARISHA: First one is a 20 total. No, 21 total. The second one is a 19 total.

MATT: Okay. I won't have you roll damage because it's siege, but what you do is each one of these shoves forces him into the wall. So I need you to make two constitution saving throws.

TALIESIN: Two constitution saving throws. Here we go. That's a 19 and a 21.

MATT: Both succeed. So that's 27 points of force damage, reduced to 13.

TALIESIN: Okay, so that's 92 minus 13.

MATT: That's a shitty roll. Ten points of force damage, reduced to five.


MARISHA: Does he take any from being sandwiched?

MATT: I mean, he's taking the damage because he's being sandwiched.

MARISHA: Okay. Can I use my bonus action to go earth elemental again?

MATT: You have to change to a different form.

MARISHA: Then I will stay.

MATT: Okay. Percival, your turn.

TALIESIN: I'm going to try and squeeze around out of this.

MATT: Top of your turn, make a constitution saving throw.

TALIESIN: Oh, fine. Natural 20. I really would've liked that on a shot, but that's okay. It would have made life way easier.

MATT: That is 19 points of force damage, reduced to nine. Right, so you're trying to escape from the restraint? All right, make an athletics check. Athletics or acrobatics, I believe. Let me double check real fast.

TALIESIN: If I can just use my boots to squeeze off the side--

MATT: Well no, it's not breaking from a grapple necessarily. It's from being pinned. This isn't weaseling out of it. This is pure force, so this would be athletics.

TALIESIN: I can't try and sneak through the window?

MATT: No, the window, it's a slit. It's like that wide and your back is pressed against it.

TALIESIN: This is not how I wanted to go out. Athletics, then? Oh boy. Nope.

MATT: All right, so you're still restrained.

TALIESIN: I can't see her at all, can I?

MATT: Currently, no. She's behind the wall, pushing you into it.

TALIESIN: Yep. Huh. Hmm. Yeah, no, I got nothing.

MATT: All right. At the end of that, the field pushes in once more.

TALIESIN: Breaks the wall, probably.

MATT: Well no, it's pushing against that. It's not pushing further, sorry, because they're both stopped. They're now holding that space. So you don't take damage again. It doesn't force you. But you're still pinned. Keyleth, your turn.

MARISHA: What is best right now?

TALIESIN: I want to have a moment.

MATT: What is best in life?

MARISHA: Yeah, can I do two slam attacks on him again? Bam, bam, multi-attack?

MATT: Pushing him into the wall again? Okay.

MARISHA: Not good. Same thing for that first one. Twelve. Oh wait, it's hitting the wall, though?

MATT: You're essentially just pushing against the wall. It'll shove, yeah. It's essentially a ten or lower.

MARISHA: Okay, so 15 damage for that first one.

MATT: No damage on this. You're just pushing the wall, so the force against him. So make a constitution saving throw, Percival.

TALIESIN: I make one or two?

MATT: We'll find out. Roll a second attack.

MARISHA: Natural 19.

TALIESIN: It's the one thing I'm good at. Oh, not this time. Ten and 12.

MATT: Ten and 12. All right. You take, first, 24 points of force damage.


MATT: 24 points of force damage. Keyleth, I need you to make a strength check, please. Or a strength saving throw.

MARISHA: Strength saving throw?

MATT: Correct.

MARISHA: Natural 17, so 23.

MATT: So as it pushes back, you manage to keep it back and then shove him back into it. And then, oh my god. That is 25 points of force damage to you, Percival. And Keyleth, make another strength saving throw as the section of wall that you've pushed in, that's loose and you're shoving him with, is being shoved backward.

MARISHA: Natural 19.

MATT: You've managed to hold it in place. Still restrained, you're slowly sandwiching him. Making a Percival sandwich. Percy, your turn.

TALIESIN: Hail Mary. Trying to squeeze out of this. Nope. That's eight.

SAM: The ghost of Scanlan floats in front of you.

MATT: Make another constitution saving throw.

MARISHA and LIAM: (chanting) First blood! First blood!

TALIESIN: I can't count, guys! 25.

MATT: 25, okay. So you take 13 points of force damage. Keyleth, your turn.

MARISHA: Keyleth, my turn? Argh! Squishy squishy! Squishy Percy! Ooh, no, ten total.

MATT: Ten total? Just barely.

MARISHA: And second one, 12 total. Those were bad rolls.

MATT: Roll two constitution saving throws, Percival.

TALIESIN: This might be the end. I'm at nothing. 18 and 11.

MATT: First one succeeds. You take 11 points of force damage.

TALIESIN: I'm out.

MATT: Second push, you feel Percival begin to pop and squish against the outer field. And for the purposes of this, one more round of shoving and, with a (squish), Percival-jelly begins to ooze out from behind the wall in which you shove him against the force.

TALIESIN: You hear everything I own crack.

MATT: While you were technically healing 20 points every round underneath the green beam--

MARISHA: Oh shit. Wow, yeah.

MATT: The field dissipates. The rubble begins to separate and float in space. The ruined corpses of all your allies then float aloft around you and are slowly re-stitched back to life. Grog appears, pulled back from the water dimension, from the depths of the drowning. And you see the bearded patron descend from above. As he pats you on the head and goes--

MARISHA: I was never religious in-game, but now I am!

MATT: "Good job!"


MATT: And with that--


LIAM: All hail the queen!

TALIESIN: Without a spell to her name.

MATT: Level 20 druids, man.

SAM: In 30 days, she'll know what happened.

MATT: Yep.

MARISHA: Yeah, in 20 days I'll be like, what?

TALIESIN: I had the weirdest dream a month ago!

MARISHA: I dreamt I killed you, and you, and you.

MATT: It's funny, I was like, okay, once they start getting into the high-level spells this is really going to turn-- And then Feeblemind. All right, this is going to be a drag-out brawl to the very end.

TALIESIN: I was really hoping I could burn some grit back and then do a whole bunch of damage all at once.

MARISHA: But man, you dodged my Feeblemind. That was hot. That was amazing.

LIAM: I did what I came here to do.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I went to the Water Plane with a few hundred HP left. I was super healthy in the water.

SAM: Like a sensory deprivation tank.

MATT: That deprives you of all the senses, eventually.

MARISHA: I had to get vengeance from fucking it up last time.

TRAVIS: So it's cool.

MATT: Well done, guys. Congratulations, Keyleth.

MARISHA: I finally won one!

SAM: Thanks to Marvel Puzzle Quest!

TALIESIN: Thank you, Marvel Puzzle Quest for sponsoring our ultimate fighting championship.

TRAVIS: That is the most messed-up map I've ever seen.

TALIESIN: That was mean. I started this game being the most clutch, powerful motherfucker on the planet and ended it like-- Confined spaces fuck gunslingers.

MARISHA: I'm the queen. Everyone bow down to me.

MATT: That's the Feeblemind face. My wife, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you guys so much for playing. Thank you guys so much for sticking with us, if you're still here. We'll be back next week to discuss-- Some of you will be here for Talks Machina, I believe, and next Thursday to do the Q&A. After that, have a wonderful holidays and New Year. And is it Thursday yet? Good night, guys.


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