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Pre-Show[]

(laughing)

MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role! Where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around, play Dungeons and Dragons, and shout obscenities a little late.

LAURA: Did it make it?

MATT: We'll find out, I'm sure.

LAURA: We'll find out.

MATT: Anyway, glad you guys could join us for tonight. Tonight is not a typical episode, we are missing two of our cast members, and since we're in the throes of an interesting narrative, we wanted to push that off for a week. Next week we return with Vox Machina's normal narrative as well as Jon Heder as a guest, which is going to be a lot of fun!

(cheering)

MATT: However, this week, for the five members that we do have, we are going to have a fantastical Battle Royale. A Level 17 Battle Royale. The power level has definitely jumped since the last time we had one of these, I'm curious to see how it pans out. Should be fun.

LAURA: By the way, I saw voting-- there was a poll to see who they thought would win.

MATT: Don't say anything yet! Hold off on that. Hold off on that.

LAURA: Okay.

MARISHA: I wonder how many people are going to lose money on us tonight.

SAM: Travis, you have something-- yes, right, right there.

TRAVIS: Where? Right here?

SAM: Yeah, right there. There's a little something.

TRAVIS: Did I get it?

SAM: Yup.

MATT: Anyway. So yeah, so real fast, just to get through our brief announcements for the day. Me, Marisha, Taliesin, and Brian Foster will be flying out tomorrow, early, to Atlanta to join you guys at MomoCon. We've been talking about it for a few weeks here. We have a Talks Machina panel on Saturday. Signings. Other fun events, so please come join us if you're going to be out in that vicinity. Next week after that a bunch of us are going to be at the Stream of Annihilation, a stream up at Seattle with the D&D folks, along with a bunch of other awesome D&D groups and streamers, High Rollers guys. We've got Curse of Strahd folk. A bunch of just really awesome people coming up. We're going to be playing with some folks, I might be running a game, it will be fun. But look forward to seeing you guys there. Check us out. We'll have more information to come out soon. Then the week after that, I'm going to be at A-Kon in Dallas. Because I apparently don't like having weekends.

TRAVIS: Are you allergic?

MATT: I need to work on that. Planning is a problem, it catches up to you. But anyway, I'll be out there for that in Dallas, Texas. Hope to see you guys that weekend. What else? What else do people want to talk about?

TALIESIN: I think we're going to have our Wednesday Club this Wednesday. I think we're going to do Wonder Woman. We were having a straw poll, where I think we're going to be talking about Wonder Woman.

TRAVIS: That's kind of irrelevant right now, right?

TALIESIN: Yeah, we don't normally veer relevant, but we figure this is kind of a big deal so, you know, and it's an interesting conversation.

SAM: Have you ever done an episode about Groo the Wanderer?

TALIESIN: No, but I know of Groo. We don't know Groo well enough to really delve in.

SAM: If you do an episode on Groo, that's the one I'll watch.

TALIESIN: Not the one you'll be on?

SAM: No, no, no. I'll watch it, though.

TALIESIN: You'll watch it, then?

SAM: Yeah, yeah. I'm not going to go on your show.

TALIESIN: Okay.

(laughter)

SAM: I could bring my comic collection on your show! And show it off!

TRAVIS: You have a comic collection?

SAM: Yeah, man!

TRAVIS: More than ten? More than ten comics?

SAM: Yeah, I've got some good books, man.

TALIESIN: You gave me that really good comic book for-- was it Christmas last year? Or the year before, because I read it in Colorado, it was really nice.

MATT: Save your rolls, Laura.

LAURA: I had to test it!

MATT: I know. I know you do.

LAURA: That was the Joe-dice.

MATT: Oh! There you go!

LAURA: He's making it into the battle.

MATT: There you go. You need to know who's in your corner, Laura.

LAURA: That's right.

MATT: All righty, guys. If we don't have anything else to discuss, we're going to go ahead and dive into tonight's episode of Critical Role.

[dramatic music]

Part I[]

MATT: All right, and welcome back, everybody! So as part of tonight's Battle Royale, a couple of things that I want to put out there. One: because we're at higher power levels, it may go quickly. If it goes quickly, we may do a second round. Which, keep in mind, whatever alliances or betrayals you endure that first round will probably be remembered for the second.

LAURA: Wait, wait, wait! Were we supposed to make alliances?!

SAM: Oh yeah, we all made alliances. We all made alliances, Laura.

(laughter)

SAM: It's all four of us against you.

TRAVIS: Yeah, raise your hand if you're on Team Right.

MARISHA: Table Right!

MATT: Laura, have you played Risk?

LAURA: Yes.

MATT: Risk is a game where you make alliances and then double-cross people. It doesn't say it in the rules, but that's how it always happens. That's what I assume will probably happen. It may not! You guys may surprise me! I'm just saying, be prepared.

LAURA and TRAVIS: (singing) Be prepared!

MATT: (laughing) Okay, now I'm voting for that table! All right, guys, the other thing I want to mention is, whoever the victor is will get a minor prize. A very, very minor prize.

LAURA: What is it?! Do we get to know what it is?

TALIESIN: A Nintendo Switch!

MATT: PlayStation 2. No. You will get a fate die that you get to carry over into the main campaign. It's a single reroll.

SAM: That could come in handy.

MATT: It's like a Luck point.

TRAVIS: Well fuck! No! My lighthearted self is now changed!

LAURA: You already have fate dice! You have a fucking Deck of Many Things. You have an entire plethora of fate dice.

TRAVIS: That is not the same. There's like a seven percent chance I even pull something even close to that.

TALIESIN: I'm with Travis on this one. It's just not the same. No.

TRAVIS: That's a big prize!

LAURA: Enjoy the fate die, Keyleth or Grog.

TRAVIS: Yeah, like when you choose to become a goldfish from a thousand feet.

MARISHA: Yeah, that would have been great. To have then. Mm-hm. So clutch.

TALIESIN: Is this your first Battle Royale? So, what happens though, is that the people who are obviously the problem often get targeted first. And then it'll be other people who somehow have all their hit points in Round Four.

SAM: Oh, that's happening, guys. You're going to forget I existed.

MARISHA: Mr. Loot-Drop over here.

TALIESIN: Mr. Loot-Drop may go down early.

TRAVIS: Mr. Care-Package.

MATT: As you all comfortably find yourself resting, falling into sleep and darkness for the evening, in the city of Whitestone, over some point in the break of the year-long period. You find yourself-- Your eyes opening; bleary, blinking, towards what appears to be a grey cloud-covered sky. You look about and find yourselves somewhat scattered amongst an unfamiliar battlefield. Travis, I want you to go ahead and roll a d6 for me, please.

TRAVIS: Oh God. Okay!

LAURA: This is serious! This is serious!

TRAVIS: A two.

MATT: A two. Okay.

LAURA: Oh my God! I was just looking at the top-view, I didn't realize that those are fucking towers!

MATT: Yeah, so that's you there.

TRAVIS: Okay. Okay.

MATT: Laura. Go ahead and roll a d6.

LAURA: (panting) Okay! Six!

MATT: A six! With Trinket there.

LAURA: Oh God. Oh, with Trinket up there!

MARISHA: Exactly where the ranger should be.

MATT: All right, Marisha, roll a d6.

SAM: First roll of the night!

MARISHA: Four.

MATT: Four. All righty. Taliesin?

TALIESIN: Four.

MATT: Roll again.

TALIESIN: Three.

MATT: Okay. Go ahead and roll a d6.

SAM: One.

LAURA: Look at us, spreading out our numbers!

MATT: All righty, so as you take in the scenery around you, seemingly no rhyme or reason. You wonder how you transported to this space. Taryon in particular, you find that you seem to be a little more viable power than you were when you went to bed that night. You watch as a singular cloaked figure seems to emerge from the clouds above you and slowly fall from the sky. As the entity, you see arms out, hood up, the wind blowing around causing the cloth to flap and curl about them. The hood blows back, and you see before you, a--

SAM: It's me, Vax.

(laughter)

SAM: Hey everybody, I can fly 200,000 feet in one second.

MATT: So, if we ever do a live-action Vox Machina film, we get Owen Wilson to play Vax. So, as the figure descends to about this point in the center of the battlefield, you watch as the wind blows the hood back, and you see there a handsome man with immaculate, somewhat ear-length brown hair, and a magnificent beard. As he smiles and looks around and goes: "Tonight, you fight for me and my pleasure. For I am the forgotten deity, known as Colville!"

(laughter)

MATT: "And you will dance before me. And between you all, one victor shall stand and gain my blessing." At which point, he raises his hand, and you watch as a force field of energy suddenly (whoosh) warps around and encapsulates around it, also zeroing off the top about there. So there is a height limit to this chamber. Right across there. About 20 feet up from the base of this tower.

SAM: Which are 30 feet tall, 20 feet tall?

MATT: These are 30 feet tall.

MARISHA: So about 50 feet up.

MATT: 50 feet up, yeah. You watch as he grins and smiles. "I hope you all learn something. Now, you have six seconds to decide where to go and what to prepare for. No fighting is to commence until these six seconds are up. And then... Show me what you've got!"

(laughter)

LAURA: So wait, we can cast things in these six seconds?

MATT: You can cast or prepare anything you want to, an action or movement or bonus, that doesn't attack or assault another person, for the first round, but first! Let's roll initiative, guys.

LAURA: Oh my gosh!

TALIESIN: Yeah.

SAM: I'm feeling lucky? That's terrible.

MATT: All righty.

SAM: That's one Luck down.

MATT: So, 25 to 20?

TALIESIN: 29.

TRAVIS: What the fuck, man?

TALIESIN: Ain't gonna have a repeat of last time.

MATT: All righty. (laughs) That's right, yeah.

TALIESIN: I was just low enough, if I had been above Liam, that would have been the end of him, but he hid.

MATT: All right. 20 to 15?

LAURA: 19.

TRAVIS: 16.

MARISHA: 16.

MATT: Okay. Vex, and then Keyleth and Grog. Interesting.

SAM: You need a tie breaker?

MATT: I think so. I'll have you guys both roll dexterity checks for me, please. Just roll a d20--

TRAVIS: Just normal dex rolls? Or just straight up?

MATT: Just roll a d20, and add your dex modifier.

TRAVIS: Okay. 20.

MARISHA: Four.

MATT: So we have Vex, then Grog-Keyleth! All righty, and then Tary!

SAM: Oh, sorry, nine.

MATT: All righty. Which, by the way, you also have--

SAM: Doty!

MATT: Doty at your disposal at the top.

SAM: Yes.

MARISHA: Are you at the top of the tower too?

SAM: I'm on that tower. She's on the other tower.

LAURA: Wait a minute, here's my question. Did we see where everybody landed? Could we see everybody, when we came down? Or did we just see the guy?

MATT: You guys just saw the guy, and you just got your vision around, so this round is going to be running and taking in your surroundings, and doing what you're going to do to prepare. From where you are right now, you can barely see somebody. We'll say as part of this round, you guys get a feel for it.

MARISHA: As part of this round we what?

MATT: You get a feel for where everyone else is, as part of this first round.

TRAVIS: On the towers, on the far ends of the map, is there a back entrance to the tower, or just the door?

MATT: Just the doors there, or climbing upward, and there appears to be a trapdoor on either side.

TRAVIS: Going up?

MATT: There's a ladder, ladder, and a chain.

LAURA: When he said you have six seconds, I immediately duck down and cast Pass Without a Trace on myself and Trinket.

MATT: Okay, so, we'll get to your turn; Percival, you're up first.

TALIESIN: I'm going to activate the Boots of Spider Climbing. Should knock that out. I'm going to charge Diplomacy. And then I'm going to--

TRAVIS: Can't hide.

SAM: What, is that a rule?

TRAVIS: No, I'm just talking shit.

TALIESIN: I ain't hiding.

SAM: I'm hiding.

TALIESIN: I'm going to climb up to the top of that building that's right over there.

MATT: Which one? This one?

TALIESIN: That little hut.

MATT: Okay, so you climb up.

MARISHA: Is that a hut, is that what those are?

MATT: They're little stone bunker-like structures. There's an entrance on this side and on this side.

MARISHA: Shit.

TALIESIN: Actually, how far-- I have a-- (counting) six, one, two, three, four, five--

MARISHA: It's like a paintball arena.

MATT: So, it's half your movement, that's 15 feet, you can move 15 more feet if you want to.

TALIESIN: Yeah, let me get just one step back or so.

MATT: There?

TALIESIN: Still at the edge, on the other side, though. To your right.

MATT: Okay, here? Okay. So there you are.

TALIESIN: Yeah, and boots are activated, Diplomacy is activated.

MATT: Boots are activated, Diplomacy is activated. Perfect. All right. Just after Percy goes, you watch as all the flickering braziers, the flames flicker bright. You see these two glowing towers that are slowly spinning, the blue crystals (crackling noises) little sparks. And each of these pillars gives off a slight hum. Vex, it's your turn.

LAURA: It's like a trapped thing? This is so Hunger Games. Oh shit! Okay. I'm going to cast Pass Without a Trace on me and Trinket. And I'm going to send him down-- Is there a trapdoor or like a stairway around? That he can go down?

MATT: There is a trapdoor that he can go down and then make his way.

LAURA: He's going to make his way down. But I am going to hide, at the top here, behind one of those--

MATT: Behind one of those? Okay. Go ahead and make a stealth check. And Trinket makes it-- We'll say halfway down the tunnel with Trinket's full movement, there. So down the stairs and he's halfway through the tower there.

LAURA: So my stealth is 30.

MATT: Okay. Good to know. Nobody else has any idea where you are right now.

LAURA: Solid.

MATT: At the moment. All right, that brings us to Grog.

TRAVIS: (grunts) I would like to rage! Just, oh, so angry! I don't like people putting me in strange places and floating down from the clouds, Colville. Can I equip-- yeah, fuck it. Fuck it. I'm going to stick with the Bloodaxe. Not the Dwarven Thrower.

MATT: Okay, Bloodaxe. Oof.

TRAVIS: I know. I know. That might be a poor choice. Oh, you motherfuckers can fly!

TALIESIN: I can't.

TRAVIS: Bullshit, you're climbing up shit with spider boots. You know what, no, Dwarven Thrower. Dwarven Thrower, and can I start to climb the little rope ladder that's next to me?

MATT: Yes, you can, make an athletics check.

TRAVIS: I just want to get a good lay of the land! I don't even know anybody's up there! 15.

SAM: The glasses are clutch.

MATT: You rage, get up, and just crest over the top.

LAURA: Oh shit, you're already there!

SAM: (screaming) He sleeps in war paint?! Why would he sleep in war paint?!

MATT: He rage-climbs the ladder. One rung over the other, and with the rest of his movement gets to the very top of the tower.

TRAVIS: Do I have a bonus action?

MATT: Well, your bonus action was rage.

TRAVIS: Oh, that's right, never mind.

MATT: If you have an action you want to do that doesn't involve attacking or hurting anybody--

TRAVIS: I blow a snot rocket when I get to the top.

MATT: Okay. You watch as a large globule of goliath snot slaps the ground in front of you, and skids a bit, leaving a trail.

SAM: Oh, man.

TRAVIS: Dexterity check.

SAM: It's like a cicada.

(laughter)

MATT: All right. Is that your turn, Grog? Keyleth, you're up.

MARISHA: Oh, god. It begins. Can I just run up, and just check that water right in front of me? And really fast, put my foot in it and see if I can see how deep it goes?

LAURA: And you die.

TRAVIS: No, no, let her do it.

MARISHA: Let me take my staff. And just put my staff down a little bit.

MATT: Okay. Your staff dips down and it goes about-- It keeps going. It's pretty deep.

MARISHA: It's pretty deep?

MATT: To the point where you get, like, to the very edge of your staff, holding it there, and it manages to go all the way in.

MARISHA: Oh, I touch the bottom now, though?

MATT: Yeah. Well, you haven't felt the bottom yet, any more and you're going to submerge your hands.

MARISHA: Okay. I'm going to cast Freedom of Movement on myself. And then can I move around to this side, here-ish? This side here-ish. Over here. And hide.

MATT: And move over this way? Well, you're not hiding, you don't have anything left to do a hide action, but you move there.

MARISHA: That's fine.

MATT: Okay. All right. So, Taryon.

SAM: Everyone else has gone?

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: I have a lot to do.

MATT: All right, what are you doing?

SAM: Number one, how much does Doty weigh?

MATT: At his size, I'd say he weighs somewhere in the range of 700 pounds.

SAM: Fuck. That changes things.

MATT: He is somewhat hollow in places, though.

TRAVIS: Build him out of aluminium?

MATT: No. He's large and he's heavy, metallic substances, but he is hollow in places, so I'd actually say he's probably closer to 500 maybe. 400 to 500.

SAM: Still, anything over 400 bones my strategy so it's okay. We're okay. Plan number two. Okay. I say, Doty! I need you to carry me away from all the bad people. Remember how we played keep-away as children? We're playing that now. Keep me away from everybody.

MATT: "Tary."

SAM: Yes. I cast Sanctuary on Doty. I think I can do that. Yeah? Okay. And then for my action I will throw down the Bead of Force on myself and enclose myself in the bubble.

MARISHA: You're going to be a guy in a hamster ball being carried around by robot?

SAM: I take 5d4 damage.

LAURA: That's pretty smart.

MARISHA: It's pretty awesome.

TRAVIS: You take 5d4 damage?

LAURA: Just putting yourself in the ball?

SAM: Uh-huh.

LAURA: That's smart, you know what? And then we can't hurt you.

SAM: Not for a minute.

LAURA: Oh shit!

SAM: I got ten rounds, y'all. See ya!

MARISHA: Is it totally invulnerable type of shit?

SAM: Yes.

LAURA: Unless somebody can dispel it or something?

MATT: Only breathable air can pass through the sphere's wall. No attack or other effect can.

SAM: It says no magic can pass within or without the space, it doesn't say that I can't do magic in the sphere, it just says it can't leave the sphere.

MATT: Correct. So you can cast things on yourself within, but nothing can pass by. However, you are at the mercy of whoever has control of the ball at the moment. So yes.

MARISHA: So wait, but you can't cast spells out either?

TRAVIS: You ever see those sporting events where the beach ball's just going around the fucking crowd?

LAURA: So wait. Only air can pass through it, huh?

SAM: Breathable air. Not poison air.

MARISHA: If I was an air elemental, could I go into the sphere? Just conjecturing.

MATT: I don't know if you're considered breathable as an air elemental.

MARISHA: Yeah. But I'm a breath of fresh air.

MATT: Taryon, as you slam into the ground, how much damage do you take?

SAM: I'll roll. Six, seven, eight. Nine points of damage.

MATT: That's not too bad. You take nine points of damage, and the sphere encapsulates you and you begin to roll forward slightly as Doty walks over, grabs you, and pulls you back about there to the edge. Not sure what to do, he's just holding you now in this ball.

SAM: Sure.

MATT: "Tary?" Confused. All right. At the end of that turn, you watch over as Colville, floating in the center, goes, "And now, my champions! Let the fight begin!" Slams his hands together and you watch him vanish in a burst of thunder as it cracks around the landscape. And you feel this energy pulse you all at once as the battle has begun. Percival, you're up first.

TALIESIN: Who can I see?

SAM: Grog's head.

MATT: You can barely see part of Grog with three-quarters cover. Barely.

TALIESIN: I can barely see Grog with three-quarters cover.

MATT: Everyone else looks apparently at the moment not really in your line of sight.

TALIESIN: That's fine. That's my first shot then. Let's just take a couple shots at Grog.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: You know, if you hadn't made it all the way up that tower you'd be in intense trouble right now. Okay, just pointing that out.

MATT: You have Sharpshooter, so you ignore three-quarters cover.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I ignore three-quarters-- Let's do first shot with Animus. That's a 29 to hit.

TRAVIS: Oh yeah, that hits.

TALIESIN: That hits? All right. Let's just roll all three first.

MATT: Go for it, yeah.

TALIESIN: Oh! No. And then the second one is a misfire.

LAURA, MARISHA: Oh my God!

TRAVIS: Like, gun-break misfire?

TALIESIN: Gun-break misfire. It's gun-break misfire. That's okay. Yeah, so I'll just take my third shot with Bad News. Just for fun.

MATT: Okay, go for it.

TALIESIN: 20 to hit.

MATT: Yeah, that hits. All right, so-- One Animus shot, and then one Bad News shot.

TALIESIN: One Animus shot, one Bad News shot. And I also take, really quickly, I take a little damage.

MATT: You take 2d6 psychic, right?

TALIESIN: 2d6 psychic damage. Five, six, seven. Seven points of psychic damage. Did I-- No. It doesn't matter anyway, because I was going to call Hex, but I'll do it later. Fuck it. All right. Let's roll. I'm also going to run some Cabal's Ruin into this, just for fun.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: So, let's do the first one, is 1d10.

MATT: So, do Cabal's Ruin damage at the end because that is not halved.

TALIESIN: Yeah. So, 1d10 plus 1d6. So, first shot is ten points of piercing damage and four points of psychic damage.

MATT: Ten points of piercing damage, so that's reduced to five. And then how many points of psychic? Four points of psychic. Seven points of damage.

TALIESIN: Then, the Bad News is--

MATT: Wait. Ten points-- it's nine. It was ten points piercing reduced to five and then four psychic. So that's nine.

TRAVIS: Oh, and the psychic's not reduced, that's right.

TALIESIN: So, that's cocked. That's seven, eight, nine, ten, 11. 17 points of piercing damage.

MATT: Okay, so take that down to eight.

TALIESIN: And let's just-- three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. This is not halved, is it?

MATT: Nope!

TRAVIS: The psychic?

MATT: No, this is Cabal's Ruin. He's pumping you full of lightning damage.

TALIESIN: I'm going to empty Cabal's Ruin into him.

MATT: Okay! That's how many d6s?

TALIESIN: 10d6.

MATT: 10d6 lightning damage to you, Grog!

TRAVIS: Ones!

SAM: Lot of ones.

(laughing)

TALIESIN: Six, 15, 20.

SAM: It's all threes and fours.

LAURA: I'm so nervous.

MARISHA: Me too.

TALIESIN: 33 points of lightning damage.

TRAVIS: 33.

MATT: There you go. All right, Percival, and you have movement. And a bonus, if you want.

TALIESIN: I'm not going to blow my bonus for now, but I am going to run down and across towards that tower towards you.

MATT: Over here? That's 30 right there, right?

SAM: There's like six cameras in front of us.

TALIESIN: As far that way as I can go.

MATT: Fair enough. All right, so, end of Percival's turn.

LAURA: Oh! Oh! Are there lair actions?

MATT: There are lair actions on this battlefield.

TALIESIN: Is there a door, by the way, in that thing?

MATT: There's a door right there.

TALIESIN: Okay, I'll eventually be heading towards that.

MATT: Okay. Well, as you're running by it, Percival, you hear that low hum (humming) begins to (humming intensifies). Spin up, you hear this crackling noise. And you watch as each of these four towers suddenly gives off this intense vibration around it. As you're walking, you feel this force pulling on you, like being within a certain radius of this is forcing you to move slower (grunting). That's all. Vex, your turn.

LAURA: Okay, I can see Grog as well, because I'm assuming his head is above those parapets?

MATT: Yes. He does have half-cover from you currently.

LAURA: I have Sharpshooter, so he does not.

MATT: All right!

LAURA: I'm going to send Trinket down.

MATT: So, Trinket does manage to get all the way to the bottom and emerges from the front door there, but that's as far as Trinket can get with his movement.

LAURA: Trinket's like (confused bear sound).

TRAVIS: Aren't you concerned with the love of your life running across the courtyard?

LAURA: I can't see him! He's hidden, like from my field of view, I'm assuming I can't really see him. Can I see Percy?

MATT: Percy? Yeah, you can see Percy from there.

LAURA: I'm going to still shoot Grog. Yeah, I'm going to shoot Grog twice. Once with the Blazing Bowstring, and we're just going to see how that goes. Aww man! 17.

TRAVIS: That is my AC.

LAURA: So it hits! Yes! Oh, shit.

TRAVIS: It's not too hard to hit me!

MATT: You've just got a billion hit points.

LAURA: 15. 15 plus four lightning damage.

TRAVIS: Okay, halved.

LAURA: Wait, lightning damage is halved?

TRAVIS: Mm-hm, I have resistance to lightning damage.

MATT: You do when you go into your large form.

TRAVIS: Oh, which I'm not, yet! So 15 halved is eight, right?

LAURA: Okay, and then four lightning damage.

MATT: Which is why you didn't halve any of the Cabal Ruin damage last round.

LAURA: And then five points of fire damage.

TRAVIS: Okay.

LAURA: Damn it, he gets half piercing damage?

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: Fuck! Okay, I'm going to try it again.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: And that's an 18!

MATT: That hits!

LAURA: 14 halved is seven. No, wait. Eight, because it's 16 points of damage.

TRAVIS: Okay.

LAURA: Plus four lightning damage.

TRAVIS: Okay.

LAURA: Plus Blazing Bowstring. Seven points of fire damage.

TRAVIS: Okay.

LAURA: And I'm going to use my bonus action. I'm going to move down a couple parapets towards you and I'm going to keep hiding as my bonus action.

MATT: Okay. Go for it. Roll a stealth check.

LAURA: Do I have to roll if I've got skirmisher stealth? Or do I just continue to hide? I'm just wondering how that works.

MATT: It's been a while since you used skirmisher stealth.

LAURA: I know. I don't remember. Yeah, it's a ranger thing.

TRAVIS: This fight started and I'm like (machine gun fire). The fucking Godfather just

(screaming).

MATT: Basically. You're not wrong.

TALIESIN: I hit you with a ball of lightning, man, like a Tesla coil.

TRAVIS: I climb up to the top of the tower like, what's going on? (machine gun fire)

MATT: At the start of your turn, you pick a creature to remain hidden from, not a general hiding.

LAURA: Oh, so I could say, I'm keeping hidden from Percy.

MATT: Yep. But everybody else can still see you.

LAURA: And then I would roll for stealth to hide from everybody else?

MATT: If you wanted to make the hide action.

LAURA: I'm going to keep hidden from Percy for skirmisher stealth, and then I'm going to roll for stealth, and I got a 24 to hide from everybody else.

MATT: Okay. Good to know. Now, you guys are aware she's there, you just cannot shoot her or attack her from this distance necessarily. All right, that ends your turn?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Grog. Mr. Pincushion. What are you doing?

TRAVIS: I take the Titanstone Knuckles and I smash them together and I cast Enlarge on myself. Is Doty up there with you?

SAM: Oh, sure. He's holding me in a ball.

MATT: Like a giant hamster ball.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Do it.

LAURA: Is this tee-time?

TRAVIS: Can I go into a frenzied rage?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: And can I try and shove Doty off of the top of the tower?

MATT: Yes, you may.

SAM: You'll have to succeed a wisdom saving throw, first.

MATT: Yes, you do.

TRAVIS: My wisdom ain't bad. My intelligence is dick-all.

MATT: Make a wisdom saving throw.

TRAVIS: Okay. 14.

MATT: Nope. So you go to shove him, and you go (groan).

TRAVIS: Oh, because he's got Sanctuary on himself!

LAURA: That's what Earthbreaker Groon had!

MATT: Yep. That's what Earthbreaker Groon did to you.

TRAVIS: Understood.

SAM: You can still make the attack, you just have to point it at someone else.

TRAVIS: Interesting. I choose to urinate all over-- no.

TALIESIN: Does the ball count as someone else, or just Doty?

MATT: You can attack the ball, but it does nothing.

SAM: Well, it'll throw me away.

TRAVIS: Interesting, interesting. I don't learn lessons very well. I'm going to try again. One more time. I get three attacks, so.

MATT: Okay. So you're going to do the second shove attack.

TRAVIS: Yep.

MATT: Wisdom save.

TRAVIS: 17?

SAM: I mean, that's it. DC 17.

MATT: Okay, so now getting Doty's sheet out here. For a shove attack, I believe it's a contested athletics check, let me double-check real fast.

TRAVIS: Okay. Not strength, but athletics?

MATT: Pretty sure. I'm sure the Internet right now is going, "No, it's this! God damn it, Mercer!" No, it's athletics contested by athletics, so go ahead and roll an athletics check, Grog. With advantage, because you're raging.

TRAVIS: That's higher.

MATT: Roll a d20, add four. For Doty.

SAM: 14.

TRAVIS: 24.

SAM: (Goofy-style screaming)

MATT: You watch as Doty turns to Grog, goes, "Tary?" (bang) and end over end gets shoved off the parapet, slamming onto the ground, prone here at the bottom of the chain. You, Taryon, fly off (boing) harmlessly and roll into the middle of the pool, and are currently now on your side.

SAM: Floating? Is it like at Ren Faire? I'm in one of those balls!

MATT: For the 30-foot fall, Doty takes 11 points of bludgeoning damage.

SAM: Still alive, he's fine.

MATT: And is prone. (chuckles)

TRAVIS: I have some movement left.

MATT: You do. You have 40 feet of movement left.

TRAVIS: Right. Is there a trap door at the top of the tower?

MATT: There is, yes.

TRAVIS: Would I need an action or a bonus to be able to open it? To go down into it?

MATT: It would be an action to lift it up.

TRAVIS: I have one-- well, I have an attack. Okay. Can I move to the--

MATT: Actually, it's not that much, because it's not locked or anything. You can probably just pull it open.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'd like to go into the tower stairs.

MATT: Okay. So, with the rest of your movement, 40 feet, you can get almost to the bottom, so you're partway through that.

TRAVIS: And I'm still inside, right?

MATT: Yeah, you're still inside.

TRAVIS: Great. As long as no one can... yeah.

MATT: All right. That ends your turn, Grog. Keyleth. Your turn.

TRAVIS: Fucking hamster ball piece of shit.

MATT: That's so awesome!

SAM: I might be alive for a long time after you're all dead.

MARISHA: That's kind of true. Ten rounds, that's a long fucking time. Okay, question. The radius of the (energy field sound effect). I have Freedom of Movement, do I seem to not be affected by that?

MATT: You seem to not be affected by it, actually. You see it there, and as you push forward a little bit with your hand, it doesn't seem to be-- the gravitational shift isn't affecting you.

MARISHA: Cool. I'm going to move up and forward this direction.

MATT: Up this way?

MARISHA: Yeah, one, two, three, stop right there!

MATT: Right there on the edge?

MARISHA: Do I see Doty?

MATT: You can just barely see the edge of Doty right past these. You see his head on the ground. You see Taryon in the middle, and you see Percival right there.

LAURA: I like the idea of seeing Tary like...

MARISHA: I can move one more square, correct?

MATT: You can move three more squares if you want to.

SAM: The inside of the ball is all puke smeared everywhere.

MARISHA: Okay. Move me up to the doorway, up one more.

MATT: Okay. You can look inside now. You see a small chamber, and what appears to be a small chest against the wall there, and this area is just an open space.

LAURA: Oh, fuck, is there loot?

TRAVIS: You shut your damn mouth.

LAURA: And I'm up top?! Fuck.

MARISHA: That's good to know.

TALIESIN: You have a beacon. It's a very nice beacon.

LAURA: I do have a beacon. I have a feeling that beacon is going to attack us.

TALIESIN: It's probably going to attack us.

TRAVIS: No! It's so benignly designed.

MARISHA: I'm going to, on top of Doty, cast a 5th-level Flaming Sphere.

MATT: (laughing) Okay! (boom) So, you watch as, suddenly, spiraling out of the air, this swirl of fire forms into a large, burning ball of flame that begins to collide and burn and singe into Doty's (squealing metal) prone form on the ground, still reeling from the impact of being knocked off the tower. That's 5d6 damage. Go ahead and roll a dexterity saving throw for Doty. I think it's dexterity, right?

MARISHA: He's prone.

MATT: Prone doesn't change your dexterity saving throw.

SAM: Oh, I rolled a 16, plus dexterity of zero. So 16.

MATT: That does not make her DC, unfortunately. So that's 5d6 points of fire damage against Doty.

MARISHA: 18, 20, 21, 22! 22, and then--

MATT: 22 points of fire damage.

SAM: Sure, sure.

MARISHA: I don't get any other bonuses, okay. I'm going to say, sorry, Tary! And then go (whoosh) and go fire elemental form, and hope that this isn't a mistake.

TRAVIS: Please be nothing but black powder in the chest.

MARISHA: Wouldn't hurt me none.

MATT: Just, "Tary?" (explosion) Just a white flash like Akira opening.

MARISHA: Can I do any more movement with my elemental form?

MATT: You know what? You had ten feet of movement left.

MARISHA: I'm going to pop into the room.

MATT: So I'll say, boom, boom. There you go. So you flicker inside and you are currently contained on the inside there.

LAURA: Ooh, with the roof on there and everything.

MATT: Oh, yeah. It's all sorts of held up there for you. So, that ends your turn, Keyleth. Taryon. You are floating in a sphere over a pool of murky green liquid.

SAM: End of round one. Okay. Action: Prep my healing draught. Just pour it into a bottle and get it ready to rock. Bonus: Click my Boots of Speed.

MATT: Boots of Speed, clicked.

SAM: Movement: (rapid vibration sound effect)

TRAVIS: Like Sonic the Hedgehog?

SAM: With my Boots of Speed on, and the feat that I took, I've got 80 feet of movement.

TRAVIS: Have you ever run in one of those balls on the water? They don't go anywhere, man.

SAM: Shh. It's shooting water everywhere, it's spraying it on Keyleth!

MATT: You have 80 feet of movement on the sphere. However, the sphere is half your movement to push it, so you get to push it 40 feet.

SAM: But I'm also in water, and I don't know if it has any friction or anything.

MATT: Right now, on the water, you get about that far.

SAM: Hey, I moved!

MATT: (straining sound) It's splashing behind, the ball's coasting, and you're almost three, two feet from the edge of the rock, and you're like, "Oh God! Oh God!" The sweat's starting to pour from your brow.

TRAVIS: You're vomiting inside the sphere.

TALIESIN: Like the worst spin art ever.

MARISHA: Throwing up the wine you drank earlier.

MATT: All right. And what's Doty going to do?

SAM: I can't communicate with him, I don't think. I don't think sound can escape, so he's going to keep doing what I told him to do. Get to me, and keep me away from other people.

MATT: Trapped inside the sphere, it doesn't say anything about it making silence or blocking sound, so you can still communicate.

TRAVIS: Does Sanctuary stay on Doty now, or does it go away when I hit him?

MATT: Sanctuary, once you get an attack--

SAM: It lasts a minute.

MATT: It lasts a minute until--

SAM: It doesn't say if he gets hit it ends.

MATT: I'm pretty sure it's until the creature attacks. Yes, until the warded creature takes an attack. So right now, it still has Sanctuary on.

SAM: Okay, but if he attacks he'll lose it.

MATT: Yes.

SAM: I'm going to tell him to do that. Get to me and get me away from other people. This is a suicide mission for Doty, guys, this is not going to end well for him.

TALIESIN: Doty's not going to win this.

MATT: That's a valid point and reminder. It probably will be fine, but Keyleth, I should've remembered, because he did have Sanctuary.

SAM: No, it's okay, because hers was an area of effect.

MATT: No, it wasn't. You target it to ram into something. It wasn't a Fireball.

MARISHA: I have to make a wisdom saving throw?

MATT: Wisdom saving throw. Because it says "target with a harmful spell." So, yes.

MARISHA: I've got crazy high wisdom. 22.

MATT: You're fine. I just wanted to double check on that, because I totally forgot about the Sanctuary. But still warded with Sanctuary, getting up, half movement, so Doty has 20 more feet to move, I think. Speed of 40. What do you want Doty to do?

SAM: Get to me and push me away.

MATT: Okay, so Doty's going to move five--

MARISHA: Is he not affected by the gravity thing?

MATT: No, he is, and he gets about that far. Doty's like (clanging metal) "Tary!" A ball of flames just slamming into the back. All right. I think that ends your turn, Taryon. Percival, you're up.

TALIESIN: I'm going to dive into that room.

MATT: Okay. Five, ten, 15, 20. Your movement's halved, it's like rough terrain, essentially, as you're moving forward.

TALIESIN: So I've got two more movement? Two more bits of movement?

MATT: Two more. But now as you get into the doorway, it's not affecting you anymore. You do see a small chest in the corner.

TALIESIN: I'm going to go over to the chest. I'm going to try and fix my gun really quickly.

MATT: Okay, so make an action to try and repair it real fast.

TALIESIN: That's fine. Had to roll a nine, I got a 12.

MATT: Okay, yeah. So you repair Animus.

TALIESIN: And then I can't open the chest as well.

MATT: It's an action to do that, yeah.

TALIESIN: All right. I'm just going to hide and wait.

MATT: Okay. So there you are. You are inside of that chamber. Perfect.

SAM: Explosions.

MATT: All right. The large pillars that were humming diminish. The slowly shifting blue, crackling towers at the top of each large tower begin to spin faster, and you hear (crackling) and bursts of electrical energy just (static) out of each side. Everyone on the tower, which would just be you, I need you to make a dexterity saving throw.

TALIESIN: Yeah!

LAURA: Are you celebrating that I'm getting hurt?

TALIESIN: Yes.

LAURA: You dick.

TALIESIN: I'm so excited that I don't have to be the one to kill you. I don't want to be the one to kill you. I'll never live that down.

LAURA: 24.

MATT: Okay, so you succeed. It would be 16 points of lightning damage, it's reduced to eight. So you take eight points of lightning damage.

LAURA: All right.

MATT: And then as the bolt subsides, the towers slowly spin back down and appear to have gone dormant once more.

TALIESIN: This is a great map.

MATT: This has been fun so far. You guys just barely got into it.

TRAVIS: Call of Duty needs to copy this map.

MATT: All right. Laura.

LAURA: Yeah?

MATT: Your turn.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: What you got, Vex?

LAURA: Okay. Who can I see?

MATT: You can see Doty. You can see Taryon. You watched Keyleth turn into the fire elemental and disappear into this chamber. And you watched Percy run into this chamber.

TRAVIS: And the roofs of the chambers are stone, wood?

MATT: They're stone. Five feet of stone.

TALIESIN: We can't give suggestions, can we, over the earpiece?

MATT: You can if you want to. You guys are welcome to communicate between each other for this.

TRAVIS: On your turn!

TALIESIN: Oh, shit. Damn it. Fuck, I had such a good thing to do!

LAURA: Okay. Trinket's going to run up to Tary and push him back in the water.

(laughing)

MATT: Trinket runs up (heavy footsteps) (growl) and shoves you, and you spin back.

LAURA: Just gentle enough to put him right in the middle.

MATT: Roll a strength check, because this is pushing against Taryon's wound-up, Sonic the Hedgehog, gotta-go-fast speed.

LAURA: 16.

MATT: 16. Okay, make a strength check.

SAM: Oh, no. Eight.

MATT: Yeah, you get pushed back right into the center of the water there.

TALIESIN: This is the Overwatch map I've been waiting for.

LAURA: Well, then, I'll tell you what. Was that an attack for Trinket?

MATT: Yeah, that was Trinket's attack. It was a shove attack.

LAURA: Okay, then I'm going to save my action until somebody outside of Tary or Doty becomes visible.

MATT: Okay, so you're holding your attack action, arrow ready, waiting for someone else to show up. That ends your turn, Vex. Grog, you're up.

TRAVIS: I'll remedy that shit. Can I rage-tiptoe up to the doorway at the bottom?

MATT: Okay, you (ferocious growling) (quieter growling).

LAURA: The minute I see his head!

MATT: You glance through and you see a large, burning ball of fire that's right there, just chilling. You see Doty (heavy footsteps) running away towards the water, where you see Taryon being pushed back in the water by a large bear.

TRAVIS: And the fireball's around here?

MATT: And as soon as you glance up... a dual arrow release.

LAURA: 17.

TRAVIS: That's my AC.

MATT: Yep. So you get two strikes on this.

TRAVIS: I mean, I'm literally doing this, so does she get me in the fucking eyeball?

MATT: Yep.

TRAVIS: Oh, God.

LAURA: 11 halved. Plus three lightning damage.

MATT: So eight damage. Or, because lightning's halved, too, right?

LAURA: Oh, because you're enlarged.

MATT: So six damage.

LAURA: All right.

TALIESIN: Whittle him down.

LAURA: Ooh, that next one is good. That definitely hits. And then 16, 17, 19 halved.

TRAVIS: Nine?

LAURA: Because he's not by anybody, is he?

MATT: Currently, no.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: By the way, it is a tiny doorway, and you are a big man. The hatch you went through was a leap down, and you barely fit through. This doorway is going to cost you some movement to get through it.

TRAVIS: Oh, balls and ass. Okay, can I, after getting shot in the face--

MATT: Yeah, it's like (whooshing arrow) (scream).

TALIESIN: You're not having a good day. You're like an Ernest film right now. Ernest goes to war.

TRAVIS: Ernest goes to camp. Can I break out through the door and run down here to this corner as far as I can? How far do you think I can get with my movement?

MATT: You get out there, it'll take you ten movement. To get to the doorway, it took you ten movement, to move and get out of it, so you have 30 more feet from here.

TRAVIS: Okay. How far will that take me on those squares?

MATT: Going this way?

TRAVIS: To that corner.

MATT: Five, ten, 15, 20, 25, 30. You can get there.

TRAVIS: Yeah, actually, can I come towards you instead of going back that way, and can I lay down prone?

MATT: Sure.

LAURA: Down and dirty.

MATT: All righty. Grog is lying down prone. Is that your turn?

TRAVIS: Can I use my Second Wind to roll a 1d10?

MATT: Yes, you can.

TRAVIS: Okay. Plus my fighter level. Fucking A. Ten plus two. 12.

MATT: There you go. You gain 12 hit points. All right. So, Grog, that's your turn?

TRAVIS: That's my turn.

MATT: Keyleth. You didn't use your action, so if you wanted to, you could use your action to move again if you wanted to dash. Don't forget you have that option.

TRAVIS: Oh! Is that 50 more feet? Oh, really?

MATT: Yeah. If you're not using your action for anything else, and your Second Wind is a bonus action, if I recall, correct?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: So yeah.

TRAVIS: Yeah, let's just mad-dash tear ass towards the tower that shot me in the eyeball. I might not even get all the way, but we're going to see.

MATT: All right, so instead of falling prone, you go.

TRAVIS: Yeah, just turn the corner and book it like the T-1000 in Terminator 2, just chopping.

MATT: Do you want to go this way or this way to get towards the tower? Like, the perimeter or center?

TRAVIS: Perimeter. Perimeter.

MATT: Okay. You get there, and then you go prone?

TRAVIS: Yeah!

MATT: All righty. Say you're prone there.

LAURA: Can totally see your head outside of the--

TRAVIS: No you can't.

LAURA: Yeah, I can. From where I am, I can see your head.

MATT: From where you are, you cannot see him. You watched him run; he wasn't being stealthy about it and he's 12 feet tall right now.

TRAVIS: Team Target Practice!

MATT: You're watching him (heavy footsteps) and he's just out of view, but you know exactly where he is. Ends Grog's turn. Keyleth, you're up. You see a giant Grog just (heavy footsteps) loom past the outside of the structure. You see this flickering fire of Keyleth's elemental form in the inside of this structure there.

MARISHA: I look to see if he's going to keep going. Okay, know where Grog is. Is there any windows in this little shack that we're in or--

MATT: No, there's just the doorway here and the doorway here. Those are the only--

MARISHA: No bars or cracks or crevices?

MATT: Not from what you can tell. You can investigate for it if you want to, but that'll be your action.

MARISHA: No, fuck that. Okay, I'm going to move out-- sorry. I'm going to go up to Trinket over here.

LAURA: Aww. You terrible person.

MARISHA: Can I get into Trinket's space?

MATT: Yeah, it's 25 feet to get into Trinket's space.

MARISHA: Well, let me do my attack first.

MATT: Okay, go for it. So 20 movement right next to Trinket.

MARISHA: I'm going to be like, good job with the ball, buddy! Shh, go to sleep! Go to sleep, we'll make it less painful for you! We'll make this very painless. Go to sleep. I'm sorry, I just can't have you messing stuff up right now! That's true. I'm trying to smoke him out first.

TALIESIN: Your nervous system knows to keep you awake and conscious for that whole event.

SAM: Only you can prevent--

MARISHA: 15 for the first one.

MATT: I believe that misses on Trinket.

MARISHA: Natural 20 for the second.

MATT: Okay! So, the first one misses, the second one definitely hits. Go ahead and roll double-die damage on the second one.

TALIESIN: It's un-bear-able.

MARISHA: I get to reroll ones. I also get an extra d6 for my fire hands. And then I double die roll, right?

MATT: Yes, and then add the bonus.

MARISHA: 14, 15, so 30, plus 33 fire damage.

MATT: So Trinket takes 33 fire damage and is currently on fire.

LAURA: Aww, buddy.

MATT: So, Trinket is like (very unhappy bear groans) (roars).

SAM: There's water right there!

MARISHA: And then I'm going to use my bonus action to turn over and take my flaming sphere and go (whoosh) and ram Tary again.

MATT: Tary or Doty?

MARISHA: Doty, sorry.

MATT: Go ahead and make another wisdom saving throw.

LAURA: Wait, how many damage was that?

TALIESIN: 35?

LAURA: 34? I'm going to say 34.

MARISHA: 19.

MATT: 19? Yeah. Go ahead and roll a dexterity saving throw for Doty, and roll another 5d6 fire damage.

SAM: Pretty good, this is plus his dex, which is nothing. 18.

MATT: What's your spell DC?

MARISHA: 20.

MATT: Yeah, no. So, full 5d6 fire damage.

MARISHA: Those don't count, it's fine. That's not great. I can reroll that one. Two, four, six, eight, 11 points of fire damage.

SAM: We have our first victim.

LAURA: Oh, Doty!

MATT: As the ball slams into the back, you watch as Doty's open chamber where the book is held goes (cling) and flings open as fire bursts out from the inside.

TRAVIS: Protect the book!

SAM: No!

MATT: He's now burnt and hollowed out from the inside, and you watch as a cinder cluster of pages hits the ground before burning away. Doty goes, "Tar--" (clang) and falls to the ground.

MARISHA: Sorry! Sorry, guys!

SAM: Does the fire ignite his cannon hand?

TRAVIS: Look, he's rolling for it!

MATT: One arm detonates. It doesn't hit anybody, but there's now curled pieces of broken and sheared metal where the arm once was.

MARISHA: I'm going to take my other 25 feet of movement that I have left to go back into the--

MATT: What's the speed of your fire elemental?

MARISHA: 50.

MATT: Yeah, so you have 25-- no, it was-- you have 30 more feet of movement.

MARISHA: I go back inside for cover.

SAM: It's like she was never there. This crazy fireball came out, lit a bear on fire and went back in the room!

TRAVIS: Do we have a certain amount of health potions or anything like that? Like a set number of them?

MATT: What's that, I'm sorry?

TRAVIS: Did we start with like a set number of health potions or anything? Like one each, or two each.

LAURA: Or is it just what we had on our body?

MATT: We'll say for the sake of fairness, because I realize now if one of you guys was the keeper of the health potions you'd be way too unfair.

TRAVIS: Right. I have a shitload.

LAURA: Yeah, we aren't, but yeah that's true, Grog always has a bunch.

MATT: I'd say none of you have health potions on you right now.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: You may have to search the battlefield to discover things to help you.

TRAVIS: I'm way too ragey to search for shit.

MARISHA: I'm sorry for beating up Trinket.

MATT: All right. Keyleth, that's the end of your turn?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay. Taryon.

MARISHA: Vex is mad at me.

SAM: As my action I tear off my patch of Healing Potions. Now I have four healing potions.

(laughter)

MATT: Okay. (laughs)

TALIESIN: He's a lootdrop. We just have to-- Like he's like such a lootdrop.

TRAVIS: Wait, wait. Ten rounds it lasts, right?

TALIESIN: Not anymore, it's now eight. It's nine rounds or eight rounds.

LAURA: Don't, none of us do anything. If we don't do anything for a minute, Tary's weak.

MARISHA: That would be so fucked up.

SAM: Don't believe them, Grog, they'll turn on you.

TRAVIS: Why is there a tapping on this end of the earpiece?

TALIESIN: This is such a Community episode: in eight rounds he dies of exposure. I wait nine rounds. (laughs)

MARISHA: (laughs) That's so true. It's so true.

MATT: So Tary, you have your four healing potions.

SAM: Can I take one of them?

MATT: As a bonus action you can, yeah.

SAM: I will take one. Yeah! Oh, that's cocked. Ooh! Ten points, I am whole again.

MATT: There you go.

SAM: Great.

MATT: And you're going to attempt to move?

SAM: Oh yeah! I mean sure, when Trinket pushed me do I have momentum that way?

MATT: The momentum is now going this way.

SAM: Okay, so I'll turn around and I'll go that way.

MATT: You turn around, okay. I'll say you get just to the edge and you can get ten more feet, that direction. As the rest of it carries you onto the land on the other side. That's as far as you get. Okay.

SAM: Yeah, that's it.

MATT: That ends your turn. Percival.

TALIESIN: I'm going to check that chest.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Is that a full action?

MATT: It is, yes.

TALIESIN: All right.

MATT: So you go (chest opening) throw the chest open.

LAURA: It's a mimic!

MATT: Ha, shit. No, you do find a greater healing potion.

TALIESIN: I take the greater healing potion. And then I've got some movement, right, okay. And then I go one, two, three, four-- Can I get to behind that building? Behind the building towards you?

MATT: Over here?

TALIESIN: No, no like directly-- Yeah, like as far over there as possible. I'll come out the door I came in. Yeah, over there. And if I have anything left I'll start walking up the wall. I know I won't make it.

MATT: Okay, you can get to the very top if you want to.

TALIESIN: Not quite, next round I'm going to pop up.

MATT: Okay, so we'll say you're right there. But this chest is opened, so I'll turn it to the side as a reminder.

TALIESIN: Knock it prone.

MATT: Basically. You knocked the chest prone. Okay! That's the end of your turn, Percival?

TALIESIN: Yep.

MATT: All righty. The fiery braziers around suddenly begin to (explosion) and detonate, as the flames inside burst out in a radius. Nobody is quite in the radius to be affected by them. You watch as the corners of the battlefield are suddenly engulfed in flames briefly. Then the flames retract back into just very gently burning braziers.

TALIESIN: I love it. This is like Battlebots.

MATT: Vex, you're up.

LAURA: Okay, Grog's coming for me.

TRAVIS: No.

LAURA: First of all, Trinket's going to just wade out into that water to get no longer on fire.

MATT: Okay, well, Trinket first takes three points of fire damage at the top of the round. Trinket wades into the water and does manage to put out the fire. However, Trinket does take--

LAURA: Damn it, it's acid or something. What is it?

MATT: -- does take six points of acid damage.

TRAVIS: Ooh, that shit's not water, it's acid!

MATT: Nope, it is not water.

TRAVIS: He called that shit poop.

MATT: As Trinket wades in he goes (acid sounds) (hurt bear sounds).

LAURA: No, Trinket goes ow, ow, and then he comes back out.

MATT: He gets back out of the water, and he's like-- you see like the (sizzling) off of him.

LAURA: Trinket, I didn't even tell you to do that, you just did that on your own! And then--

MATT: If a bear could shrug--

LAURA: Yeah, you know. And then I'm going to get on my broom--

MATT: What is a whale?

LAURA: What's a whale? I get on my broom and I want to fly up and over, above Grog.

MATT: Okay, so you (whoosh) over, and as you get up, you almost bump into the ceiling where that tower is.

LAURA: Actually, could I actually get to Grog if I was flying?

MATT: If you were flying from here? You could get right over there and see him on the ground, yeah.

LAURA: I couldn't get down to him, though?

MATT: You could get right down to him.

LAURA: Oh, this is going to be the worst move ever if it doesn't work. I'm going to get down to where Grog is. This is so stupid, though! No, because if it doesn't work I can't get away! Because that's all my movement, isn't it?

TRAVIS: Let's team up, you and me.

MATT: What are you doing?

LAURA: You want to team up? I go down to Grog and I say, let's shake on it. But I take my necklace off and I put it into my hand.

TALIESIN and MARISHA: Oh!

MATT: Make a deception check.

TRAVIS: Which is not hard.

LAURA: Oh, it's a one. Whatever. I still try to touch it to him. Whatever, he doesn't do it.

MATT: Right. So Grog, do you accept it?

TRAVIS: No.

MATT: Okay. She still touches it to you, but you're not willing, so what's the saving throw on that?

LAURA: It's a wisdom saving throw.

TRAVIS: You sneaky.

LAURA: It's only a ten.

TRAVIS: That's okay, it's not a high modifier. That's a five.

MATT: (suction sound) Grog, you are absorbed into a familiar dark stony throne room, staring out through this small open space, almost like a personalized movie theater of the outside of the necklace.

TRAVIS: How do I get out?

LAURA: You can't unless I release you.

MATT: She has to release you. Mind you, Vex, the battle cannot be won until all the other people have been defeated. This is not considered defeat.

TALIESIN: You could release him into the acid, though.

LAURA: Hey, man. My mind's already there.

MATT: Remember, just be aware, if you're the last one standing after everything else happens and you release Grog, he's going to destroy you, so think tactically.

LAURA: Yes, I plan on it, believe me. I'm going to use my bonus action to stay hidden from... for my skirmisher stealth, can I pick a target? I want to stay hidden from Keyleth.

MATT: Okay. You cannot, because in order to get there, your full movement leaves you right in the doorway where she can see you. You literally landed, did that to Grog, and turned over your shoulder and see a giant fire elemental looking right at you.

LAURA: Great. So I can't use my bonus action to hide, because she's right there.

MATT: Yep, because you're not behind anything.

LAURA: Tight. I'm going to then use my skirmisher to stay hidden from Percy, and I've got nothing I can do.

TRAVIS: Fuck. Fuck! Like a rat in a cage.

MATT: You're just (groans).

TALIESIN: I imagine this as the interior of the genie bottle from I Dream of Jeannie. Pink and plush.

TRAVIS: Really? I was picturing something from Saw, like the inside is just awful.

MATT: The inside is essentially a 20-by-20-foot cold stone room with a central stone throne, and the view you have is this ten-foot-by-five-foot slit window that looks out from the necklace.

TRAVIS: Is it fish-eyed?

MATT: No, it's just a perspective. This is what Galdrick, the wolf, had been looking through for hundreds of years. And what Trinket looks through whenever he's trapped. That's your turn, Vex. Keyleth, you're up. What are you doing?

MARISHA: Oh shit.

SAM: It's like prison. You could do some push-ups.

TRAVIS: I'm going to Rocky montage this shit. Wait, are you skipping me?

MATT: Oh, that's right, you're up next. Grog, what do you want to do?

TRAVIS: I'm going to flip the fuck out! I'm inside of a goddamn box! I'm going to take my Dwarven Thrower and throw it as hard as I can at the window!

MATT: Okay. Go ahead and roll an attack.

TRAVIS: Yep. Reckless! Yep. Almost a natural 20. 26.

MATT: Go ahead and roll damage.

TRAVIS: Awesome. I'm getting out of here in no time. 25.

MATT: All right. Damage?

TRAVIS: Yeah, 25 damage.

MATT: Okay. Good. You are also technically sieged because of your gauntlets.

TRAVIS: That's right, double damage.

MATT: All right. As you slam your axe into the front of this, you watch as the stone (rumble) quakes a little bit, and a little bit of dust (hiss) settles from the ceiling.

TALIESIN: Oh my god.

TRAVIS: Oh, really?

LAURA: He could bust out of the necklace.

TRAVIS: Yeah, this is also Matt Mercer, who had us fight an entire thing, taking down damage the whole time while nothing was happening. I'll take all three attacks at the window. Reckless.

MATT: Go ahead and roll attack.

TRAVIS: Natural 20.

LAURA: Does that mean if I put an actual monster inside of it during the game that they could break out?

SAM: You don't know.

TALIESIN: They'd have to think of it. I wouldn't think of attacking the room, and he's designed to hurt rooms.

LAURA: And he's designed to not think.

MATT: He's designed to make terrible choices.

TALIESIN: The room could collapse and squish him like a bug, for all we know.

TRAVIS: That critical is 55.

MATT: So that's 110 points of damage with your siege weaponry.

LAURA: I'm so dead, you guys. He's going to pop out!

MATT: As you rear back for your second strike, you bring your axe to go against this crystalline field, this layer that defends you from that. As you slam it, the axe hits and you watch as it spider-cracks (cracking) all across, and the room (rumbling) is now actively shaking. As you look around, you can see that the walls are starting to crumble, and rocks begin to tumble, and you see what looks like a black void behind the cracks that are opening.

LAURA: Oh no, that could be really bad.

MATT: You have a third attack, Grog. What are you going to do, Mr. Raging?

TALIESIN: Oh god, I love watching his brain strain.

MATT: What are you going to do?

TRAVIS: Fuck it!

LAURA: Oh shit!

TRAVIS: Natural 20.

MARISHA: No way. You are lying!

TRAVIS: No, it's true.

LAURA: What if you get sucked into a random void? Then we can never defeat you.

MATT: Roll some damage.

MARISHA: If he gets sucked into a random void, I imagine that would be considered defeat?

MATT: Oh, he would be fucking dead.

TRAVIS: 60 this time, so 120.

MATT: So 120 points of damage. So Grog. You rear back once more, and that little bit of doubt in the back of your brain, you quickly squash! As your frenzied fury takes over, you see nothing but red, anger, and blood, as you rear back a third time and (whack). As you slam it, you hear what sounds like a thousand windows shattering at once, and all the walls suddenly collapse in towards you, rocketing and spiraling inward. It crushes into your body as you're thrust forward as the crystalline structure ahead of you shatters and pulls you through like a heavy vacuum.

LAURA: Oh god, he's out!

SAM: Or he's dead.

MATT: You suffer 26 points of piercing and bludgeoning damage.

TRAVIS: Halved to 13?

MATT: Halved to 13.

SAM: That's not bad.

TRAVIS: And imploded from the inside?

MATT: And the necklace in front of you (shattering) shatters off your chest, and you watch as a giant Grog, right there into the hallway, right in front of you.

MARISHA: Oh shit! So much just happened!

TRAVIS: Because I reference Terminator 2 later...

TALIESIN: You punched a hole through time and space. Well done.

MATT: Your necklace is gone. It is not functional for the rest of this battle. I was not expecting you to attack the inside of the wall.

TRAVIS: I was just going to do it because he's an idiot, but that really worked!

MATT: All righty! That ends your turn, Grog.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

MATT: Keyleth, you're up.

LAURA: I was going to release you!

SAM: In acid!

MARISHA: Okay. I'm going to turn around and be like (screams, booming) on both of these guys. I'm going to move into Vex's space and then attack Grog. (bam, bam)

MATT: Go for it. You're technically occupying Vex's space, right there.

MARISHA: Correct.

MATT: So you attack.

MARISHA: 15.

TRAVIS: Misses.

MARISHA: Second one, much better. That hits. 16 plus six is 22.

MATT: 22? That hits, yeah. So go ahead and roll damage against Vex. Vex, you also catch fire.

MARISHA: Oh, I'm attacking Grog.

MATT: Oh, Grog! I misunderstood, sorry. So Grog, you catch fire. Flames are just (whoosh).

SAM: You're having a weird six seconds of your life right now.

TRAVIS: I know! (panting, warp sound effect, screaming) Hulk angry!

MARISHA: That's 20 fire damage.

MATT: So you take 20 points of fire damage, reduced to ten, and you're on fire. And you will remain on fire, taking 1d10 fire damage every round, until you spend an action to put it out.

SAM: But it looks cool.

MATT: But it looks cool. All right, and because you moved into Vex's space, Vex, you also catch fire automatically. Does she immediately take the 1d10 damage for occupying someone's space?

MARISHA: The first time it enters a creature's space on a turn, that creature takes 1d10 fire damage and catches fire.

MATT: Okay. So roll 1d10 damage for Vex. Technically, both of them, because you had to move into both of their spaces to do it, so you take another 1d10 damage, Grog.

MARISHA: Five for Vex and four for Grog.

MATT: All right, so Grog, you take two points of fire damage. Vex, you take five.

TRAVIS: Can I make my retaliation strike after her melee on me?

MATT: Yes, you can.

TRAVIS: Okay. Reckless! Where's the crit now? That's what I want to know.

MATT: Actually, that's a valid point. Go ahead and roll, because he did reckless attack last turn.

TRAVIS: Oh yeah, you do get advantage.

MARISHA: Oh, on that first one again? Nope.

MATT: Okay. So what's your attack roll?

TRAVIS: It is a 22.

MATT: Yeah, that hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

MARISHA: This is going to hurt.

TRAVIS: Nah, you're fine. No, that's going to hurt. I'm just kidding. Yeah, 25. That's it.

MATT: 25 points of damage to your fire elemental form.

MARISHA: Okay. Is that halved because it's bludgeoning? No, his weapon's magical.

MATT: You take full damage. However, doesn't he take damage whenever he...

MARISHA: Yeah, when he attacks me, he takes another 1d10 damage.

TRAVIS: Good to know.

MARISHA: Sorry, I'm an asshole. Eight.

MATT: So you take four points of fire damage. All righty. Keyleth, so that's your action. You've moved 15 feet to get into Vex's and Grog's space.

MARISHA: Okay. I'm going to back out and around again, through the room.

MATT: Okay, so that's 15, 20, 25, 30. You're going to stay in the room?

MARISHA: Do I have any more?

MATT: Yes, you have 20 more feet of movement from here.

MARISHA: Yeah, let me go out one more and onto this lip next to Trinket.

MATT: There?

MARISHA: And I'm going to take my bonus action to take my Flaming Sphere, and I want to jump it over this shallow end on this far side. I've got cameras right in front of me. It can jump over a ten-foot gap.

MATT: How much does it move?

MARISHA: 30. Can it get ten more feet over?

MATT: 25, 30. It'll get just about there.

MARISHA: To the edge? If it looks like it's not going to land in the acid, and extinguish it or something weird?

MATT: It looks like it'll probably land in the acid.

MARISHA: Would it extinguish it?

MATT: Probably.

MARISHA: Then I'll keep it there on the edge.

MATT: Next round, it can. It doesn't have the movement for the full jump, unfortunately. So it's right there on the edge (fire noises) angrily burning. I need you to make a concentration check, by the way, with advantage, for the damage that Grog hit you.

MARISHA: Yeah, I'll take that. 16. What do I have to get over?

MATT: It's a constitution saving throw, and you have to beat half his damage that he did to you.

MARISHA: So he did 25 damage.

MATT: So 12, half.

MARISHA: So yeah, I'm good.

MATT: That ends your turn, Keyleth. Taryon!

SAM: Oh, hi. I'm going to read my Scroll of Fire Shield, setting it to a warm shield that will protect me from all cold damage and last for ten minutes.

TRAVIS: No one can hurt you in there anyway, right?

SAM: Oh, but when I get out.

MATT: Wait, so your Scroll of Fire Shield, you said?

SAM: Fire Shield.

MATT: Okay, yeah, that's ten minutes. Not concentration. So you said warm shield, which gives you resistance to cold damage?

SAM: Correct.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: That's what I want, because I'm already resistant to fire damage. And then I'll roll my ball.

MATT: All right, you've got 40 feet of movement.

SAM: I'm just going towards that corner.

MATT: Here?

SAM: No, top right. And I'll also pull out my rod and I'll say, crossbow!

MATT: (clang) Turns into a nice crossbow.

SAM: And I'll load it with a bolt.

MATT: All right. (clicking) That's your turn? All right! Top of the round. Percy, what are you doing?

TALIESIN: Pulling around the corner.

MATT: Around here?

TALIESIN: Yep.

MATT: All right. You turn the corner.

TALIESIN: Casting Hex on Grog.

MATT: Grog is now hexed and on fire.

TALIESIN: And now I'm going to take a sharpshooter shot and add a point of grit for an aimed shot to the legs. Actually, does that make that harder for me to shoot him later?

TRAVIS: I have pretty big legs.

TALIESIN: No, I mean if you're prone. I can still shoot him just fine.

LAURA: Not with sharpshooter, I think. If they're prone, we don't take disadvantage, right?

MATT: If they're prone, an attack roll against the creature has advantage if they're within five feet. Otherwise it's disadvantage. If the person is prone, it's harder for you to hit with ranged weapons.

TALIESIN: In that case, I'm going to hold on that grit, and I'm instead going to use a piercing shot with sharpshooter. So for shot number one, with Animus, sharpshooter. Oh, for fuck's sake.

TRAVIS: Is that a misfire?

TALIESIN: It's another misfire.

MATT: This is not very Percy of you.

TALIESIN: No. So that needs to be picked up. That's fine. Irritated, I pull out Bad News and take another shot.

MATT: Okay. Is this also piercing?

TALIESIN: This is also piercing.

MATT: So that's another grit spent.

TALIESIN: Another grit spent. Oh, thank you. God damn it... That's better. 22?

MATT: 22, Grog?

TRAVIS: Oh yeah, that hits. Sorry.

MATT: So you get to also roll an attack against Vex, as well.

TALIESIN: Yes.

MATT: Basically, the shot goes through both of you. It goes through Grog's shoulder (explosion) and has enough weight to actually impact and hit Vex in the same shot.

TALIESIN: Thankfully, it can't misfire when I do this. 16.

LAURA: No.

MATT: So you watch as the muscle of the shoulder explodes, and in that brief second you dodge your head out of the way, and watch as the ball goes (whoosh) and skims the edge of your cheek. A little blood goes (flick) down the side.

LAURA: I glare at Percy, from under Grog's armpit.

MATT: You glare at him through the hole in his shoulder, Tombstone-style.

TRAVIS: Grog doesn't understand why you're so mad at his shoulder.

TALIESIN: Aw, shit. So that's (counting). That's 33 points of piercing damage.

MATT: 33 points of piercing damage. That's 16.

TALIESIN: Plus four necrotic damage.

MATT: Four necrotic, not halved.

TALIESIN: And I'm going to take my last shot. Actually, I'm going to take a Retort shot, because this is the fucking day I'm having, and I'm going to burn another grit, and I'm going to try and knock him prone, because you're welcome.

TRAVIS: You just have a thing for me today.

TALIESIN: That, too. This is another sharpshooter with Retort. Ugh, that's a 16.

MARISHA: Snitch is failing you tonight.

TALIESIN: 16 to hit.

TRAVIS: Misses.

TALIESIN: Goddamn it.

MATT: This time you turn around and see Percy there. He pulls out the Retort shot, and you're like (whoosh) and duck right out of the way.

TALIESIN: I'm diving back behind the bloody doorway, goddamn it.

MATT: Okay. That's about the extent of your movement, there.

TALIESIN: Yep. That did not go well.

MATT: All righty. That ends your turn.

TALIESIN: Yep. Oh, you have a disadvantage on wisdom saving throws right now. Wisdom checks.

TRAVIS: Because of Hex? Wisdom saves?

MATT: Not saving throws, checks. So insight, perception, things like that.

TRAVIS: Most things that I normally suck balls at anyway.

TALIESIN: I want to make sure you really suck at them right now.

MATT: All right. The pillars that you see in the center here begin to (vibration) emit that weird, vibrating hum again, and you feel, Keyleth, as the gravitational pull warps around you but doesn't affect your form, because of your Freedom of Movement.

TALIESIN: Like the Matrix.

MATT: However, Trinket seems to (groans) be pulled down by the gravity of it. You watch as Doty's form on the ground across the way, (crack) gravity crushes a little further in towards the stone.

TRAVIS: Is it anything inside of the four pillars or in circles around each pillar?

MATT: It seems to be radial around each pillar. All right. Vex, you're up.

TALIESIN: I take two psychic damage on top of that. I forgot about that.

LAURA: I'm going to put myself out.

MATT: Okay. So you put yourself out as an action? Okay. First thing, at the top of your round, you take four points of fire damage. You spend the action to put yourself out, so you are now no longer on fire.

LAURA: I'm going to disengage.

MATT: That's a bonus action. From Grog?

LAURA: Yes. And I'm going to kick off the ground and fly up as high as I can.

TRAVIS: You can disengage now? Son of a bitch.

MATT: Rogues, man. So you can get up about... we'll say 40 feet. Yeah, you're up near the top, straight up.

LAURA: I want to be over the roof of the building below me.

MATT: Okay, so you get a little ways over. We'll say about... there. Ends your turn? Grog, you're up.

TRAVIS: How high is Vex?

MATT: She's about 40 feet up from you right now.

TRAVIS: Okay. I'm on fire.

MATT: Yeah. So you take three points of fire damage, reduced to one.

TRAVIS: I am going to stay on fire, because fuck it, and I am going to use my max speed to advance towards Percy.

MATT: Okay. So you turn. All right, you're advancing towards Percy. (counting)

TRAVIS: With my bonus action, can I use my Boots of Feral Leaping to jump 20 feet horizontally in the direction of Percy?

MATT: Yes, you can.

TALIESIN: All right.

MATT: Go ahead and roll your check to see if you succeed or not.

TRAVIS: Yeah. 19.

MATT: You land right on the opposite side of Percy. We'll push this open just a little bit to get your placement as you slam into the ground right next to him. (heavy impact). All of a sudden, Percival, you're standing against the wall and you hear (footsteps). Nothing. (explosion) Right to the right of you, the sudden slam of stone, as the behemoth goliath Grog lands next to you, grinning, blood pouring out of the bullet wound in his shoulder, big smile.

TRAVIS: Can I stick my finger in the bullet wound hole and taste it and go, hi. And can I take all three attacks, reckless, great weapon master, the whole smash.

MATT: Yes, you may.

SAM: If that was the real Percy!

TRAVIS: I know! Some phantom bastard.

TALIESIN: I'm only nine hit points down.

TRAVIS: Oh, this is the hammer, so I don't have great weapon master.

MATT: No, you took Blood Axe, didn't you?

TALIESIN: No, you went to hammer.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I've been using the hammer. 28.

TALIESIN: 28 hits.

TRAVIS: Good to hear. That's a 26 for the first one.

MATT: 26 points of damage to you.

TALIESIN: 26 points of damage? Okay.

TRAVIS: That's a natural 20.

TALIESIN: Fuck.

TRAVIS: (giggling) I don't know what's happening. That's not part of the plan. Hey, that's okay, that's only a two, plus a lot.

MATT: So you rolled a what? What did you roll for damage?

TRAVIS: Well, the dice landed on a two, plus my modifier.

MATT: Well, hold on. What level fighter are you?

TRAVIS: Two?

MATT: Right, which means...

TRAVIS: Oh, I can re-roll a one or two for damage.

MATT: Yep. That's the great weapon fighting.

TALIESIN: Fuck, dude. All right.

TRAVIS: Thank you, Matthew.

MATT: You haven't used that yet, really.

TRAVIS: That's cocked. That's an eight.

SAM: He likes to hit things.

TRAVIS: 72 points of damage.

TALIESIN: Is that everything so far? Is that rolled into what you just did?

TRAVIS: That's just the second hit.

MATT: Wait, so how much is that?

TRAVIS: Well, it was a 24. 24 points of damage.

MATT: You double the dice, not the bonus.

TRAVIS: Double the dice. Okay. Not the modifier, too?

MATT: No, just the dice. So you rolled an eight, so it's 16, plus the modifier.

TRAVIS: 32.

MATT: Plus your brutal critical.

TRAVIS: Which is another damage dice.

MATT: Which is another three additional damage dice at level 17, Grog. Well, no, because you're not a level 17 barbarian, so it is two. You're right.

TRAVIS: Right. Yeah. That's a ten. That's a nine.

MATT: So, that's two. An additional 19 to the 30.

SAM: 51.

TALIESIN: 51 points, so I'm at 26. 51.

TRAVIS: Third.

TALIESIN: I have a Hail Mary at the end of this. We'll see how it goes.

TRAVIS: 27 to hit?

TALIESIN: Oh yeah.

TRAVIS: That's only 19 points of damage.

TALIESIN: Okay, I actually have to do the math to see. I don't think I'm unconscious. No, I'm not, but that hurt.

MARISHA: You're close, though.

SAM: That was 76 points of damage.

TALIESIN: I'm going to do the math with a calculator--

MATT: 76 plus 19? Right? The last hit was 19 points of damage? So 76 total before that.

TALIESIN: 26, 51, and 19. I've taken 105 points of damage. I have 35 points remaining.

SAM: He's fine!

TALIESIN: I'm at 35.

MATT: He did 96, wait.

TALIESIN: I'm at 140 points. I have 140 hit points.

MATT: Right. Sorry, just doing the math here.

TALIESIN: I also had nine points of damage from psychic damage from my own fucking gun.

MATT: Oh, total! I see. Okay. Grog, not a bad round. You did 96 points of damage!

TRAVIS: (heavy footfalls, impact noise)

MATT: All right! So, that's Grog's turn. Keyleth, you're up.

MARISHA: (heavy breathing) Okay, Vex is flying.

MATT: Vex is flying up on the top, on her broom.

SAM: You're all alone.

MARISHA: I'm going to take my bonus action, go ahead and get this out of the way first, to get my Flaming Sphere over that gap and ram it into Trinket.

LAURA: You are so cruel.

MATT: Have Trinket roll a dexterity saving throw.

MARISHA: I'm a druid. I'm sorry! I feel bad about this.

LAURA: 16!

MATT: Nope! 5d6 points of fire damage on Trinket.

LAURA: I have a feeling this going to kill him. Oh, and I don't have the necklace anymore!

MATT: Nope!

SAM: Oh, so he'll just be dead?

LAURA: Or unconscious.

MARISHA: Six, 12, 18, 22 damage.

LAURA: 21 points is what he had. Trinket is unconscious.

MATT: Unconscious and burning. Smoke (sizzling) off the burnt fur. (sad bear sounds)

MARISHA: Okay, I still have my full movement, right?

MATT: Full movement and action; that was just your bonus action.

TRAVIS: Do I take any extra damage because I didn't put the fire out at the end of the round?

MATT: No, it's at the top of your round that you take the damage. Oh, and Percy? Roll concentration checks for Hex.

TALIESIN: Oh, I took how many points of damage?

MARISHA: You could roll a natural 20 and save it.

TALIESIN: I could roll a natural 20.

MATT: So first attack, just roll higher than a 14, we'll say.

TALIESIN: No.

MATT: Okay, Hex is gone.

TALIESIN: Hex gone.

MATT: Hex-a-gone! All right. Keyleth, what are you doing?

MARISHA: I'm going to haul ass. Do I have enough movement if I dash, or whatever, to get into that building?

MATT: Over here?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Speed of 50, right? You can try, I don't want to tell you if you can or not. You can try to figure it out.

MARISHA: (counting) Yeah, I'll try it.

SAM: You're good at jumping over bodies of water.

MARISHA: I'm not going over water, man! Can I peek in?

MATT: You get just there on the inside. You see, it's largely empty and there is a chest that's currently open and looks empty.

MARISHA: Cool!

MATT: You see, as you're running by, a large hammer over the top of the wall on the opposite side going (thuds). These heavy, wet thuds. All right, so that's your movement. You have your action, still.

MARISHA: Oh, right! Oh my god! Okay. I'm going to use my action to expend a level two spell slot to heal myself. With my spell slot to heal myself in wild shape thing.

MATT: Right. It's a bonus action to do that, which you already used to move your sphere.

MARISHA: I can't use my action? I'm basically wasting an action to do it instead.

MATT: Sure.

MARISHA: Okay. Where are my d8s? Here they are. That's not great. I heal nine hit points in my form.

TRAVIS: That's great.

MARISHA: Thanks, man. I'm glad you're so approving.

MATT: Taryon.

SAM: Me?

MATT: Yes. You're there in the corner with your crossbow.

SAM: Yep. I'm going to-- crossbow in one hand, I'm going to take my broom and stick it between my legs. Ready to go.

LAURA: Is there room for that? How big is that damn orb?

SAM: I don't know. Matt?

MATT: The broom isn't huge. You can fit it up inside there. Take that quote out of context.

(laughter)

MATT and LAURA: You can fit it up inside there.

SAM: And then I will continue my movement. Where am I? Am I that thing in the corner?

MATT: You're right here, way over in the corner.

SAM: I'm going to go around the wall so nobody can see me.

MATT: Okay. Five, ten, 15.

SAM: Right next to the fireball of death, yeah. I'll stay there, and then I'll try something. It's not going to work.

MATT: What are you going to try?

SAM: I don't think it'll work.

MATT: What are you trying, Tary?

SAM: Secretly, I'm going to take a patch off my robe, a window patch, and see if I can make a window to climb through the sphere.

(laughter)

SAM: I don't think so. It says no effects can pass through the sphere. I assume no effects can affect the sphere, either.

MATT: I'm going to make a judgment call here, based on the wording. Give me just one second.

TRAVIS: Can you drop it prematurely if you want to, whenever you want?

SAM: No, I'm trapped in here. Trapped for a minute.

TRAVIS: You're in the bomb shelter. You don't know.

SAM: They'll let me out when they're ready.

MATT: Can pass through the sphere...

SAM: I don't think it's going to work.

TALIESIN: It's kind of brilliant.

MATT: I'm going to say sure. It's not passing through it, it's creating a passable window in the sphere.

TRAVIS: I like the ruling.

MATT: It makes sense.

SAM: I'm going to hover out a little.

MATT: So you go ahead and pull it off and slap it, and you watch as a little two-foot-by-two-foot window opens up.

SAM: I'm not going to leave yet. I'm staying in the safety of the sphere for at least one more round, ready to go.

LAURA: I really hope the fire pillar goes off.

SAM: I'm still in the sphere!

LAURA: Yeah, but you've got a hole in it.

SAM: Yeah, I realize that.

TRAVIS: (explosion, screams)

MARISHA: Come on, fire pillars, come on!

MATT: All righty. Yeah, technically... nah, it's too late now to retcon that. My fault. All right, so. That ends your turn, Tary? Percival, you're up.

TALIESIN: Oh here's a hail Mary. First thing I'm going to do is I'm going to use my bonus action to down a potion of greater healing, which is how many d4?

MATT: Greater healing is 4d4 plus four.

TALIESIN: 4d4 plus four. Let's make that happen. That's okay.

MARISHA: Yeah, that's not a bad roll.

TALIESIN: 15 points of healing.

MARISHA: Yeah, not bad.

TALIESIN: That's one hit from Grog that I can now take.

MARISHA: Yeah, might keep you alive.

TALIESIN: I'm going to try and hit him with Diplomacy. Since I'm technically in grappling distance, I can't shoot, and if I try to move, he's going to hit me, so I'm going to attempt to hit him with Diplomacy and see what happens.

MATT: Okay. All right.

TALIESIN: What is that, since I haven't used it...

MATT: What does it say on the card?

TALIESIN: Where is the card? I have a lot of them out. It's a dex-based unarmed melee attack. Just dex modifier?

MATT: Yeah, just dex modifier. Well, no. I'd say add your proficiency, as well, because you built the thing.

TALIESIN: Add the proficiency bonus? Okay, thank you. That's less of a hail Mary. Slightly. Oh my god. 14.

MARISHA: Oh, buddy! No.

TALIESIN: I've rolled three ones and a two this game.

TRAVIS: That's unreal.

MATT: So that's one attack.

TALIESIN: Another round with it?

MATT: Yeah. So Percy's (frustrated grunting) trying to reach out towards you.

TALIESIN: 17?

TRAVIS: That's my AC.

TALIESIN: Okay! That's 2d12 electrical damage.

MATT: Lightning damage to you, so that's halved.

TALIESIN: That's 24 points of lightning damage.

MATT: So you take 12 points.

TALIESIN: Guess what. Make a constitution saving throw.

TRAVIS: Which I have disadvantage on?

LAURA, MATT, and TALIESIN: No.

MATT: Constitution saving throw.

TALIESIN: You actually no longer have disadvantage.

MATT: Yeah, Hex went away.

TRAVIS: Okay. That's a 27.

TALIESIN: You have a 27?

TRAVIS: My constitution is amazing. Fuck.

MARISHA: He's a fucking barbarian.

TALIESIN: Oh, I'm so fucked.

SAM: Does it do anything to him?

TALIESIN: Nope. It doesn't do what I was hoping it was going to do. That would've saved my goddamned life.

MATT: If he would've rolled low, that would've saved you, probably.

TALIESIN: Yeah, if he had rolled low.

MARISHA: Does he take any damage?

TALIESIN: He takes 12 points of lightning damage. What the fuck else am I going to do?

MARISHA: That's just Grog putting his finger in the socket.

TALIESIN: I can run like a motherfucker. Let's see.

TRAVIS: I had an action surge I forgot about last time, so consider this borrowed time.

MATT: Technically, you had advantage on your attacks against him because he used reckless.

TALIESIN: But I can't use my gun, can I? Oh wait, I would've had advantage, but I didn't get advantage on the--

MATT: You would've had advantage, so the two attack rolls we'll say were one attack.

TALIESIN: I can't hit him with my gun, but I can still hit him with my sword.

MATT: Well, you can hit him with the gun. You just have disadvantage with the strikes, but you have advantage, so it would be just a straight roll.

TALIESIN: Okay. So I have two more sword attacks, and then I've got to figure out some shit. Let's take two--

LAURA: Wait, you have four attacks?

TALIESIN: I have three attacks. But I had advantage, so technically that was one attack.

LAURA: Oh!

TALIESIN: So I'm going to take two sword attacks.

TRAVIS: Come on, man. You got this.

TALIESIN: No, I don't. That's a 27 piercing.

MARISHA: Wait, are you rolling damage?

TALIESIN: No, I'm sorry. That's to hit. I'm sorry, my brain is-- you're scaring me. 25 to hit and 21 to hit, so both hit?

MATT: Both hit, yeah.

SAM: Most of your war paint is gone, by the way, Travis.

MARISHA: How did that happen?

TRAVIS: I absorb things that make me stronger.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: (counting) 22 points of piercing damage.

MATT: Okay, so 11 points piercing damage, Grog.

TRAVIS: Thank you.

TALIESIN: And I'm going to burn an action surge. You can't use an action to disengage unless you have it. I'm just fucked, aren't I?

MATT: Correct. You can still run, but he gets to swipe at you.

TALIESIN: I'm going to take my heal with that action surge. I'm going to heal up.

MARISHA: Going to hold down the fort? You're looking down the barrel, man.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I know. That's awful. 14 points of healing, but it'll get me away.

TRAVIS: Can I take my retaliation strike?

MATT: Yes, you can.

SAM: Oh no.

TRAVIS: 26?

TALIESIN: 26 to hit? Hits.

MARISHA: So fucking nonchalant, like he doesn't know.

TRAVIS: 24.

TALIESIN: 24. Okay. That's his reaction, so I can run now.

TRAVIS: You may flee.

TALIESIN: Oh. Well, that's fine.

MATT: (laughs) You can flee.

TRAVIS: Or you can stand here and face it, like a man.

TALIESIN: Yeah, you'll be laughing when I'm far away from you. I've got to get some distance. I'm going to start running straight up the tower.

MARISHA: He can still hit you if you run.

TRAVIS: I already did.

MATT: (counting) That's as far as you can get with your movement.

TALIESIN: That'll do.

SAM: Is there an entrance to the tower there?

MATT: There's two doors and a ladder.

TALIESIN: I don't need a ladder, though.

MATT: No, you can run up the side.

TALIESIN: I don't want to go around that wall. I want to go up that wall.

MATT: Up this wall?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: So you're right there.

SAM: Cat on a hot tin roof.

MATT: That's your turn, Percy?

TALIESIN: That's the end of my fucking turn.

MATT: The electrical towers at the top cycle (electricity noises) and flash with a bolt of energy. Nobody is in the radius to be affected; no effect. That brings us to Vex. Up at the top, as you flew up there on the broom, you felt your head and shoulders bump and hit the ceiling, and you're like, shit. Arrows ready.

LAURA: Welp. I can see Percy, so I'm going to Hunter's Mark him.

TALIESIN: All right.

LAURA: And then I'm going to attack him.

SAM: The love of your life. Bathtub buddy.

LAURA: This first attack. Well, let's see. Oh yeah, that hits. Yeah, that definitely hits, 31. And it's a bramble shot.

MATT: Okay.

(laughter)

LAURA: So you have to roll a strength DC.

TALIESIN: I have to roll a strength check against bramble?

MATT: First, roll damage for everything.

LAURA: For the regular?

MATT: For all of it.

LAURA: Oh right. Okay, wait. That's an additional 4d8.

TALIESIN: Shit. Yeah, no. I'm fucked, anyway.

SAM: Maybe not.

TRAVIS: Hey, man. Better to be done by your lover than by me. I left that action surge out.

TALIESIN: Oh, I have another action surge that I didn't-- I was hoping.

LAURA: (adding) 38, plus six lightning damage.

TALIESIN: 38 plus six lightning damage? And then I'm going to take... ugh, this is the worst I've ever rolled in my life. 38 plus six lightning. I'm going to bring that down to 25 points of damage.

MATT: From?

TALIESIN: From the Gloves of Missile Snaring. So 38 down to 25. Plus six lightning damage? Still alive.

MATT: As you're on the wall, you feel the sense, this burning in your ears, and you glance up just as you watch an arrow (arrow sound) come towards you and as it bursts open, this series of tendrils of vines, you reach over and grab and stop the arrow, somewhat, before it pierces into you, but you still manage to pull it back and the vines begin to ensnare around you. Go ahead and roll a strength saving throw, I believe?

TALIESIN: 16?

MATT: DC 17. They (whoosh) wrap around you and you find yourself--

TALIESIN: Actually, this is better. I'm so sorry. Strength saving throw, 22.

MATT: That does succeed. So as they wrap around you, you (strained grunting) and burst off of them and the arrow breaks out and they all turn gray and wither into dust as they hit the ground.

LAURA: You're so strong, darling. I'm so impressed. Right as I throw another arrow at him.

(laughter)

LAURA: That's a 25 to hit.

MATT and TALIESIN: That hits.

LAURA: I'm going to do another... no, I'm not. I'm not going to do a bramble shot on him. I'm just going to do a regular shot.

TALIESIN: No, it's smart.

LAURA: Well, yeah, he's taking half damage.

TALIESIN: I'm bleeding out. I'm just blood.

LAURA: Oh wait, do you only get to use the catch once?

TALIESIN: Once per turn. It's a reaction.

LAURA: 12, 14, 16 plus six lightning damage.

TALIESIN: I'm out.

MATT: You fall unconscious and off the wall, hitting the ground. You take three points of bludgeoning damage as you hit, which is an immediate failed death save.

TALIESIN: Are we doing death saves?

MATT: Oh yeah, that's part of this.

MARISHA: So you could theoretically recover and come back.

MATT: Yeah, if you roll a natural 20 on your death save. It's happened before.

LAURA: Fuck, okay. Those are my two attacks, so can I fly down to the ground behind the building... actually, they're all over on the other side. I'm going to drop down where I am.

MATT: Okay. Drop down to the roof?

LAURA: Yeah, to the roof. And I'm going to lay down on the roof and use my bonus action to hide.

MATT: Okay, you lay down on the roof, using your bonus action to hide. Go ahead and roll a stealth check.

LAURA: 27.

MATT: 27. As far as you know, no one has any idea where the hell you are. All right, that ends your turn. Grog, you're up.

TRAVIS: I see Vex...

MATT: You watch her (descending noise).

TRAVIS: But she was shooting at my quarry. I turn the corner towards where Percy is.

MATT: As you lumber around, you go and see his unconscious body there, on the ground.

TRAVIS: (gasps) Percy von Fredrickstein de blah, skittles and balls and ass. What happened?

TALIESIN: He burns an action doing this, I assume.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Spin the hammer, right down on his head.

MATT: Okay, you move in. That's ten more feet. Go ahead and roll, with advantage.

TRAVIS: (laughing) That's a 32.

MATT: All right. It's an auto-crit because it was within five feet. How do you want to do this?

TRAVIS: I start to swing down. Did he get new glasses? I take them. (heavy impact)

(laughter)

MATT: The whole face caves in as the hammer scatters him like a Gallagher watermelon across the stone floor.

TRAVIS: Oh, I can see very well.

(laughter)

MATT: Percival is no more. First to fall.

TRAVIS: How much speed did I use?

MATT: Five, ten, 15, 20.

TRAVIS: 20.

MARISHA: And the sound of the first cannon.

TRAVIS: Can I use my bonus action to leap, with the feral leaping, 20 feet toward the tower?

MATT: Toward the tower this way?

TRAVIS: Entrance, down.

MATT: Yeah, if you want to. Go ahead and roll for that.

TRAVIS: 21.

MATT: You land (grunt, impact noise) right toward the base.

TRAVIS: Can I use the remainder of my speed to run up the tower?

MARISHA: And he's still on fire, right?

TRAVIS: Yep. Oh, I need to take the fire damage.

MATT: That's true. Last round, or just this one?

TRAVIS: Just this one. I took it last time.

MATT: That's five fire damage, reduced to two.

TRAVIS: Two. On fire.

MATT: And you disappear into the center of the tower.

TRAVIS: 20 feet in?

MATT: You get partway up the stairs.

TRAVIS: Is it a winding thing?

MATT: Yeah, it's a spiral staircase. All right, that ends your turn, Grog. Keyleth?

MARISHA: Okay, I saw Vex shooting Percy?

MATT: No, you were inside the cusp of this building the entire time. Glancing around there, you saw her up there, and make a perception check.

MARISHA: Okay. 20. No, 21.

MATT: 21. You got the gist. You watched her descend, but you have no idea directly where she is. You know she's somewhere in this area.

MARISHA: Okay. So I don't see anyone?

MATT: You know where she is. If you have an area something you want to do, you could probably hit her, but you can't aim a specific attack directly at her because you can't see her.

MARISHA: Okay. I am going to start by moving my fire ball. Jeez. There's not a lot I can do. I saw Grog run by, as well, correct?

MATT: You saw Grog run by this way, and that's the last you saw. And you know that Vex is somewhere in this area. What do you want to do?

MARISHA: I'm going to move out and around on this side, my movement over here.

MATT: You're there.

MARISHA: I'm going to go ahead and use my bonus action to heal a little bit more. Actually, no, can I use my action to heal like last time and use my bonus action to move my sphere?

MATT: Sure. Yeah, okay, go for it. Technically... yeah, it's fine.

MARISHA: I'm going to do 1st-level. Five. Okay. And then I'm going to move my sphere right in front of the doorway.

MATT: 30 feet for the sphere?

MARISHA: Yeah, however far it can go.

MATT: There, that's as far as it can get right there. Okay, that ends your turn, Keyleth?

MARISHA: Do I have any more movement? I'll pop back in the building a little bit, and that's it.

MATT: All righty. Taryon, your turn.

TRAVIS: How many rounds is this? Four? Five?

LAURA: This is the sixth round.

SAM: This is the fifth round.

LAURA: This is the fifth round. After this will be the sixth.

SAM: Invisibility. And I want to fly out of the sphere and to a vantage point of your choosing, so no one knows where I am, somewhere between 20 and 40 feet high, maybe towards the center-ish of the game field. Up to you where.

MATT: Okay, I know where you are. That's your turn?

SAM: Yes.

MATT: Okay, Taryon.

TRAVIS: Do you know where?

SAM: No, I don't want to know where I am so you don't know where I am.

LAURA: It's smart.

(laughter)

MATT: No longer Percy's turn. So with that, the braziers--

SAM: And Matt. Away from the things that blow up. Was that understood?

MATT: Right, yes. And all the braziers flare up. Don't affect anybody. That brings us to Vex.

LAURA: I'm going to take off from the roof and try to make it to the opposite tower.

MATT: The opposite tower, flying over here?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: You make your way there.

LAURA: Can I see anything?

MATT: Make a perception check.

LAURA: 20.

MATT: Yeah, you see the flickering flames of Keyleth within the inside, in the very cusp of this. She has three-quarters cover, but you have sharpshooter, so you ignore that.

LAURA: Well, then I'll try to hit her. I'm going to attack her! That's a 27.

MATT and MARISHA: That hits.

LAURA: Eight plus five is-- no, is it? No. 13? 15, plus four lightning damage. And then I'm going to do it again.

MATT: 17 points of damage.

LAURA: I'm going to do a bramble shot on her, because I only did the one. 25 to hit.

MATT: 25 to hit? That hits. Damage?

LAURA: (counting) 32, plus three lightning damage.

TRAVIS: 35, damn.

MATT: As the brambles wrap around her, the flames burn them away. She's immune to being restrained.

LAURA: Yeah, I figured. I bet Tary's up here, but I don't know that. I'm going to use my bonus action to hide. I was hidden at the beginning of the turn, but I'm assuming my movement took me out of hiding. Can I use my skirmisher's stealth to choose a quarry to stay hidden? Or I have to be hidden at the top of the turn?

MATT: At this point, yeah. We're skirting a line, here, of watching you go up and land. You aren't amongst trees in a forest. It's easy to see where you are, vaguely.

LAURA: Okay, I'm going to hide.

MATT: Roll a stealth check.

LAURA: Only 18.

MATT: Okay, good to know. That ends Vex's turn. Grog!

TRAVIS: Right. I don't see any immediate chests in this big tower, right? It's just a stairwell?

MATT: No, it's just stairwell. Like when you went through the other one, it's empty, more of a gaining of ground and/or protective space.

TRAVIS: All right. Live and let die, motherfuckers! Can I run out of the tower, straight towards the pool of acid?

MATT: You got ten feet in, so ten feet out. You still have 40 at the doorway. There's a Flaming Sphere there, which you're like, "oh, avoid!"

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'm aiming to try and make my way to this structure.

MATT: 25, 30, 35, 40. You're just stepping over the corpse of Trinket.

TRAVIS: Lovely.

LAURA: Oh, I forgot he's just unconscious. He's not dead yet. I haven't been making saving throws for him.

MATT: He's doing okay for now. Grog, that's your movement.

TRAVIS: I raise my hammer as I get to Trinket. I don't give a shit about Trinket. What square am I on?

MATT: You're technically right here. You have your action, still. You can dash if you want to get all the way there, or you can attack something in the vicinity. What do you want to do?

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'll dash.

MATT: (counting) You get inside here and see a small chest by the doorway there.

TRAVIS: Can I move to the chest?

MATT: You can move to the chest, but it'll take an action to open it.

TRAVIS: Can I use my action surge, which I have not used, to open the chest?

MATT: Yes, you can. You do. You open it up, and there is a potion bottle within it. So you acquire the potion. You open the chest and you grab the potion.

TRAVIS: Right, and I can't do anything else? Can I consume it?

MATT: You have your bonus action, still, right?

TRAVIS: Yeah! That's right. Chug-a-lug, bitches.

MATT: So 4d4 plus four.

TRAVIS: Gimme some squares. No, 4d4. I need some triangles.

MATT: You also take six points of fire damage, reduced to three. Because you're doing this while on fire.

TRAVIS: Yeah. 4d4 plus four. 14 points. That's my turn.

MATT: Okay, Grog's done. Keyleth?

MARISHA: Okay. (grunts) Going to go ahead and drop my fire elemental form. It's looking pretty rough now. Hope I don't fuck that up. And I'm going to peek around the corner and I can see Vex a little up on the tower.

MATT: Make a perception check.

MARISHA: Don't fuck me, Gil, don't fuck me! Oh, that's good! 29.

MATT: You glance up the tower, and you see just the edge of Vex trying to hide around the stonework. You see her feather and the edge of her hair, and you see her right up on the top.

MARISHA: I'll be like, (yelling) your blue feather is very pretty against the stonework!

LAURA: We have earrings, dear.

(laughter)

MARISHA: I yell it through the earring, and it deafens her a little bit. (yelps) Ow, feedback.

LAURA: Do I hear Tary go (yelps) anywhere?

MATT: No.

MARISHA: And I'm going to take my Spire of Conflux, and just to be sure, I'm going to call a Fire Storm down and blanket the tower, and I want to go down a little bit. So here's what I want. I want this.

MATT: The Fire Storm down the side? How many cubes is it?

MARISHA: Rain fire down everywhere.

MATT: That's nasty. Okay, Fire Storm. Ten ten-foot cubes.

MARISHA: Because I don't know where Tary is. I haven't seen him in a while.

MATT: You could even get to Grog, if you wanted to.

MARISHA: It's a fire waterfall.

MATT: Yeah, it is. It's very Minecraft. (fire noises) All right, I need you to go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw, Vex. And Marisha, roll 7d10.

LAURA: Oh my god.

TRAVIS: 7d10?!

MATT: Yeah, that's the damage of Fire Storm, man.

LAURA: 20.

MATT: What's your DC?

MARISHA: Well, my spell DC is 20.

MATT: So you succeed, so half damage. Just barely succeeded.

MARISHA: I get to reroll ones. Do you have one more?

TALIESIN: Yeah, in my bag.

MATT: The front doors, by the way, of this tower? Are now on fire. The wooden doors at the bottom have now caught flame from the Fire Storm, and you can see elements of the inside the tower are starting to catch fire, too.

TRAVIS: Shit, so the passage through them would...

LAURA: How many? 10d10?

MATT and MARISHA: 7d10.

MATT: And you get to reroll ones once because of your staff.

MARISHA: No ones, but it's a pretty good roll. (counting) 26.

SAM: 27.

MARISHA: (continues counting) 52.

MATT: So you take 26 points of fire damage.

LAURA: All right.

MARISHA: Was Tary in there, at all?

MATT: No.

MARISHA: Fuck!

TRAVIS: He was?! Or he was not?

MATT: No.

SAM: I honestly have no idea.

TRAVIS: When you moved, you said, "I go to you know where?"

SAM: No, I said, you pick me a place. I don't want to know.

LAURA: He knows where, but nobody else does.

MATT: Based on your specifications and the movement of the broom, yes. I know where you are.

MARISHA: And I'm going to take my bonus action. I know Grog ran vaguely in this direction, so I'm going to take my 30 feet of movement of my Flaming Sphere and move it toward that tower that Grog is towards. Yeah, is that 30 feet?

MATT: Yeah, it's 30 feet there.

MARISHA: And then I'm going to pop back into cover, hug against the wall.

MATT: All righty, that brings us to Taryon!

SAM: Hi. I lose Invisibility if I cast a spell.

MATT: Yes, or attack something.

SAM: Or attack something. Does drinking something count as casting a spell?

MATT: Nope.

SAM: I will drink a Swift-Step Draught, increasing my walking speed now to 60, plus my Boots of Speed, which makes it 120.

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: I'm the fastest motherfucker on the planet.

MATT: Well, next to Vax. Not on the broom, though. It's your walking speed.

SAM: No, I know. Just for future rounds, would dropping a Smoke Stick count as an attack? It doesn't hurt anyone; it just makes some smoke.

MATT: No.

SAM: What about dropping a Tanglefoot Bag?

MATT: That's starting to borderline on an attack.

SAM: Okay! I just want to know my options here. All right, cool. I think that's it.

MATT: You're not too sure. You can try it.

SAM: The speed thing. And oh, can you just tell me, without telling me where I am, do I know the location of Keyleth?

MATT: Yes.

SAM: Okay. And do I know the location of everybody?

MATT: Yes. You watched Grog run past, you watched Vex get set fire in a tower, and you watched Keyleth cast the spell and then disappear inside the room.

SAM: Okay.

TALIESIN: Is Vex on fire again?

MATT: She's not caught fire, but you watched flames consume her briefly. (laughs) It seems to be a theme.

SAM: All right, just move me around.

MATT: Okay. That's your turn, Taryon. All right, top of the round. The arcane towers burst. I need you to make a dexterity saving throw.

LAURA: Motherfuck. Oh, that's great; that definitely saves. 30.

MATT: 30? Okay, that would be 11 points of lightning damage, reduced to five.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: All right. Vex, your turn. As the flames subside, you're like (pants). You glance over and you can see Keyleth vanish back inside that room.

LAURA: (groans) But I can't see her? I can't see anybody from where I am?

MATT: Currently, you have no view of her, but you just watched her just barely step inside. You can still get perspective if you were to move to get a better angle.

TALIESIN: This board was designed to actually fuck with the two of us, because we don't have any good long-distance shots but they have nothing but cover.

LAURA: There's nowhere for us to hide!

MATT: There's plenty of places for you guys to hide. There's nothing but hiding places!

LAURA: No, I know. It's ground hiding. I'm going to fly up towards you, Matthew.

MATT: Okay, over here?

LAURA: Yes.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: And I'm going to hover right there. Wait, can I see Keyleth?

MATT: You can barely see Keyleth out of the side, yeah.

LAURA: Okay, but three-quarters, and I can still attack her?

MATT: Yes, because you have sharpshooter, so you can attack her.

LAURA: Okay. I'm going to attack her. She's in that building.

MATT: You get to about there. You can look down and you see her poking out.

LAURA: I want to be low enough that at the end of my movement I can drop down to the ground.

MATT: Okay, I see.

LAURA: I mean, drop down to the roof. Yeah.

MATT: Yeah, so we'll say you can be there. You can get down to the roof and see her from there.

LAURA: (laughing) Yeah. That works, too! She's still Hunter's Marked from before, isn't she?

MARISHA: Did you ever Hunter's Mark me?

MATT: You Hunter's Marked Grog, I thought.

LAURA: I Hunter's Marked Percy. MATT: Percy. That's what it was. Yeah.

LAURA: Then I'm going to move my Hunter's Mark to Keyleth.

MATT: Keyleth as a bonus action.

LAURA: Oh, wait. That's a bonus action, just to move it?

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: Okay, then never mind. I'm not going to do that.

MATT: I'm pretty sure it is.

LAURA: It probably is; I'm not going to do it.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: 26 to hit.

MATT: 26 hits.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: So you're not Hunter's Marking her?

LAURA: No.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: 16, plus five lightning damage. And I'm going to hit her again.

MATT: 16 plus nine. Roll a concentration check. With advantage.

MARISHA: Oh yeah. I'm good. I rolled a natural 19.

MATT: Yeah, you're fine.

LAURA: And the second attack is 30.

MATT: Hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

LAURA: 16 plus four lightning damage.

MATT: That's 20 points of damage. Go ahead and roll another concentration check. Just roll higher than a ten.

MARISHA: With my modifier, right? With my bonus?

MATT: Yeah, whatever your constitution saving throw is.

MARISHA: Yeah, I'm good.

MATT: So maintains concentration.

LAURA: And then for my bonus action, I'm going to cast-- oh, wait, can I do that? No, it's not. Shitballs. I was thinking I had a potion, but I don't, and I can't cast a Cure Wounds. That's an action. And I can't retrograde a Hex on her. So I'm going to try to hide again, because that's the only bonus I can do right now.

MATT: You don't really have any way to hide from her right now.

LAURA: I'm going to drop down to the ground.

MATT: Okay, so you drop prone.

TRAVIS: Yeah, that's an angle you can hold.

MATT: There you go, we'll say.

LAURA: I don't have any movement. I used all my movement just to get there.

MATT: Yep.

LAURA: Tight. Because there's no such thing as Fire Storm, which just fucking destroyed me. No such thing.

MARISHA: Nope. Don't have any more of those.

LAURA: Maybe I'll roll a natural 20 and then she'll just not know that I dropped down. I rolled a natural 20!

TRAVIS: Fucking right, she did.

LAURA: Does it matter at all that I rolled a natural 20?

MATT: You watched her vanish. You know she's somewhere on or near that roof, but you're not specifically aware. So that ends your turn. Grog?

TRAVIS: Yeah. Can I step out of the room? Can I use as my bonus action my Boots of Feral Leaping to jump 20 feet horizontally towards the building that Vex is on? Straight line towards the door. Straight up.

MATT: Roll for that.

TRAVIS: That's a 22.

MATT: 22, yep. You actually land on Doty's head, crushing it into the ground.

TRAVIS: Can I use the remainder of my 50 feet of speed to run into the building that Vex is in?

TALIESIN: He is being so smart.

MATT: That's the rest of your movement, there.

TRAVIS: Right there?

MATT: Yeah. You can dash if you want to move all the way in, but you won't have an action.

SAM: You can still touch the building.

TRAVIS: Damn, I thought that was going to be just enough. I am going to dash inside.

MATT: Okay. So you head inside, and you get to the appearance of this.

SAM: You're too big for the ceiling.

MATT: You get in there, and there is the chest there, yeah.

TRAVIS: Great. That is my movement.

MATT: That's your turn?

TRAVIS: Yes.

SAM: Did you drink the potion that you found? What was it?

TRAVIS: It was a greater.

SAM: Oh, cool.

MATT: All right. That ends your turn. Keyleth?

MARISHA: Oh god. I don't know what to do.

MATT: Yeah, you just got shot twice, and you're (gasps). You pull back inside and you're (gasps). You glance outside and you hear (heavy footfalls). You have no idea where Vex is at the moment. The last you saw her, she was on the roof, and you watched Grog dart by without seeing you and then run into the building right across the way.

MARISHA: Okay. All right. Fucking hell.

TALIESIN: I know. It's a horrifying piece of paper.

LAURA: I have to pee so bad.

TRAVIS: Go now.

LAURA: No, what if I die?

MATT: What are you going to do, Keyleth?

MARISHA: Okay. Fuck. Fuck! What am I going to do?

MATT: What are you going to do?

TALIESIN: Do something crazy.

MARISHA: If I do a Fire Storm around there, can I also call on the inside of the room, as well?

MATT: Yeah. It's just making them adjacent to each other. That can be in height, too, yeah. As long as they're against a surface.

MARISHA: Yeah, fuck it. Let's do that again. Pop out once again from the spire, (war cry) coming down.

MATT: Okay. So how many points has that spent on the spire?

MARISHA: I only did it once, so that's seven, so that brings me to another seven, so I have six points left in the spire.

MATT: There you go. You're causing it to consume the entire roof?

MARISHA: Yeah. And because I heard Grog run in that area, too.

MATT: Yeah, so you can just fill the roof and then down the side and then fill the inside.

MARISHA: I'm just lighting up that tower.

MATT: All right, so I need both Grog and Vex to make dexterity saving throws.

TRAVIS: That might be all she wrote. We'll find out. I have advantage on these. That's not awesome. That's better.

LAURA: 25.

TRAVIS: 19?

MATT: 19 does not make it. So roll 7d10 fire damage. You take half of it because you're resistant.

LAURA: Well, that's good.

TRAVIS: I've also been hit a lot. I don't like getting that close.

SAM: What just fell all over the floor?

MARISHA: That was one of my dice. I re-roll ones. Okay.

LAURA: What did you just do?

TRAVIS: Acted like I pushed you off.

MARISHA: I rolled two tens, so that's 20. Two eights, so that's 36. 41. 44. One, two, three, four, five, six, 44 plus seven is 51. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. 7d10.

MATT: Yep. 51 points of fire damage to you Grog, halve that to 25.

TRAVIS: 25.

MATT: Still conscious?

TRAVIS: Yes.

MATT: Good. Vex, you take the same thing. 25 points of fire damage.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: So that's your attack.

MARISHA: For my bonus action, I want to bring my Flaming Sphill to block this doorway that I'm in front of.

MATT: The Flaming Sphere?

MARISHA: Yep.

LAURA: Sphill. The Flaming Sphill is what she said, and that is what it forever will be called.

MATT: The Flaming Sphere hits there.

MARISHA: Okay, and then I want to move back and... fuck. Around here, on the outside, and hide. Did you get where I said?

MATT: Yeah, you're right. So yes.

MARISHA: I want to go on this side of the building to use for cover.

MATT: So you get there.

MARISHA: Perfect. And then I don't have anything else I can do, do I?

SAM: Well, you did everything.

MARISHA: That's it.

LAURA: Oh, I only called a giant Fire Storm!

MARISHA: Can I also hide?

MATT: No, you spent all your actions. They're well aware of where you are; they watched you (footsteps) around the corner. You hear (heavy breathing) around the wall.

MARISHA: Fuck, I hope that wasn't a mistake.

MATT: That finishes Keyleth's turn. Taryon.

SAM: I assume, because you know me, Matt, and you're a skilled strategery man, that I am somewhere near Doty?

MATT: You could, with your movement, reach him.

SAM: I'll hover near him, over him-- but not right over him, everybody! And just chuck that Smoke Stick right on him.

MATT: Okay. (hissing gas) What's the radius of that?

SAM: It's only a ten-foot radius.

MATT: Yeah, so there's a 20-foot area here. Keyleth's the only one that can see it out of the corner of your eye. You watch as where Doty's body is, suddenly smoke fills this area here, obscuring Doty's currently not moving body. That's your turn?

SAM: That's it.

TRAVIS: So wait, where did you go?

SAM: I don't know, actually. I'm in the air, somewhere within a 30-foot circle of Doty.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: If this is going to continue, I want you to tell me where you're going, just to come over and whisper to me. Otherwise this is getting a little weird. For the first round, it's fine, but...

TALIESIN: Start texting.

MATT: Yeah, you can text me if you want to, or come by and whisper real fast. All right. That brings us to top of the round...

MARISHA: Is anyone still on fire, like Grog?

TRAVIS: Yeah, I am.

MARISHA: Another ten.

MATT: You did take ten damage, reduced to five. All righty. So the towers (vibration) begin to extend that vibration again, and the gravity begins to converge and condense around each of these towers once more. All righty. Vex, you're up. You're on your back right now, going (groans). A little bit of smoke (coughs) out of the mouth.

LAURA: If I flew up to the top of the tower, nobody would see me that I know, right? Right now?

MATT: That you know of.

LAURA: Okay. Then I'm going to fly up to the top of the tower by me. But I'm going to be at the back. I'm going to step away from the edge so that people on the ground can't see me.

MATT: Okay, about there.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: That's as far as you can get with your full movement.

LAURA: Okay, and I'm going to use my action to cast Cure Wounds at 3rd level.

MATT: Okay, go for it.

LAURA: Which is 3d8. 15, plus my spellcasting modifier, which is 18 points. So I heal 18 points of health.

MATT: 18 points of health to you. All right, got it.

LAURA: And then I'm going to use my bonus action.

MATT: Trinket's still doing okay. Succeeded two.

LAURA: Oh, okay. I can't go down there. Before I moved, can I have cast Hunter's Mark on Keyleth, for my bonus?

MATT: You didn't have visual on her at that time.

LAURA: I still don't have visual? Do I have visual on her now?

MATT: Not since you moved away from the edge. You moved out of the way to make sure nobody could see you.

LAURA: Can I say I moved up, cast Hunter's Mark on her, and then backed off?

MATT: Sure, yeah. She wasn't hidden. So she's marked.

LAURA: Okay, and that's it.

MATT: Okay, that's the end of your turn. Grog?

TRAVIS: All right. Can I use my bonus action to take the healing potion in that room?

MATT: You haven't opened the chest yet. So your action (bang) open the chest. Grab the potion, bonus action to drink it, yeah.

TRAVIS: 4d4?

MATT: 4d4 plus four.

LAURA: The chest wasn't on fire and the potion wasn't destroyed?

MATT: The chest is burning, but you're already on fire, so it doesn't affect you any more than it would. But you do take two points of fire damage. It was four, reduced to two, because you're still burning.

LAURA: (laughing) You're still burning.

SAM: He's not wasting any actions to put himself out?

LAURA: No. I love it.

MATT: It's very Grog.

TRAVIS: 15.

MARISHA: I know, I look fucking crazy.

MATT: You were Hunter's Marked, by the way, Keyleth.

MARISHA: Fuck! Did I get hit?

MATT: No, just Hunter's Marked.

TRAVIS: Okay. And can I use my movement... to go to this corner behind the wall?

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: He is loving that fire.

SAM: Oh shit! Does he see an empty ball sitting there?

MATT: Yep!

SAM: The jig is up!

MATT: You run over and you see a giant, empty hamster ball with a big window carved in it that's empty and derelict.

TRAVIS: Empty?! That's my turn.

MATT: All righty. Keyleth.

MARISHA: Okay. Oh my god. This is so scary.

TALIESIN: You have that thing you can do.

MARISHA: I do have that thing I can do.

SAM: Oh, the Kill Everyone spell?

MARISHA: Yeah, that Kill Everyone spell... It's time.

SAM: Oh god.

MARISHA: It's time.

TALIESIN: It's time. Yeah! I've been waiting for it.

MARISHA: I am going to, thinking of the acidy black pit in front of us, and remembering Umbrasyl, I am going to turn into an adult black dragon. (war cry) Full werewolf transformation.

TRAVIS: Are you serious right now?

MATT: So I don't have an adult black dragon mini. We're going to use a red one, but you are a black one.

MARISHA: And I burn my Shapechange.

MATT: Yeah. You are still Hunter's Marked, but yeah.

MARISHA: I hope I don't die.

SAM: No, we got this. We got this.

TRAVIS: Do some shit!

SAM: I don't exist.

LAURA: Seriously! Just a bystander, this whole fight.

MARISHA: I can move, right?

MATT: Yeah, you can still move.

MARISHA: So how deep is this watery pit? Does it go pretty deep?

MATT: Only one way to find out.

MARISHA: I am going to, as a dragon, see how far I can get. I'm going to go black dragon, who can swim and is immune to acid. I'm going to go (heavy footsteps) and see if I can lay underneath the surface of the acid.

MATT: You delve into the pool with a splash as it spills over the edges, and you submerge yourself beneath the surface. It's just deep enough for you to get entirely within the water.

LAURA: But all the acid pours up and out, doesn't it? Displacement.

MATT: It displaces a bit, yeah. But while she's in it, she's currently submerged.

TRAVIS: She's not hurt from it?

LAURA: Does Trinket get hit by the acid? But Doty does, too.

MATT: Yep, both of them begin to just (sizzle). Doty's done.

LAURA: Right. But just in case.

SAM: Oh. I thought he was immune, but he's not.

MATT: Nope. And Trinket begins to slowly dissolve in his unconscious state. That is a second failed death save on Trinket.

SAM: Doty's done?

MATT: Well, yeah.

LAURA: Keyleth doesn't care about animals, apparently.

MARISHA: Nope.

LAURA: Only plants.

MARISHA: That's true. A little biased.

TRAVIS: At least finish him with dignity before you go into the pool. You just passed right by him. Just let him suffer, unconscious.

MARISHA: I mean, I could accidentally trip over him and kick him into the pool with me, if you really want me to.

MATT: Is that your turn, Keyleth?

MARISHA: That's it.

MATT: All right. Taryon.

SAM: Land in the smoke.

MATT: All right.

SAM: See that Doty is history.

MATT: Yes.

SAM: Fire Prismatic Spray at the dragon.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: You can't see me.

MATT: You're submerged in the water, but the spray goes through water. It's a light effect. So you grab one of your rubies, you run up to the edge of the smoke, and release a Prismatic Spray in this direction. Trinket's done. Trinket is turned to dust and ash. We're talking Terminator 2 dream sequence atomic bomb.

TRAVIS: It's all T2 tonight!

MARISHA: Question. Sorry, before we move too far. Are people affected by my frightful presence within 120 feet? Those who are aware of me once I (heavy footsteps) and then go in.

MATT: That's an interesting point, actually.

MARISHA: 120 feet, wisdom saving throw.

MATT: Well, the only one who's seen you transform is Taryon, so Taryon, I need you to go ahead and make a wisdom saving throw, please.

SAM: Oh, that's not high for me. No, that's terrible for me. Oh. I'm going to use Luck! I'm going to use Luck.

TALIESIN: (cackles)

TRAVIS: They're both terrible?

SAM: One and a two.

TALIESIN: A two and a one, even better. He rolled a two. He rolled again and rolled a one.

MATT: You are considered frightened. You watch as Keyleth turns into this black dragon and you go (screams) and watch her dive into the acid pool and you go (screams).

SAM: So when I'm frightened, I just want to get away, right?

MATT: Well, no. When you're frightened, specifically, you have disadvantage on ability checks and attack rolls, as long as you can see them, and you cannot move willingly closer to it. You can move away or adjacent, but you cannot move closer to her. You make the saving throw at the end of your turn.

SAM: I was not planning on it, anyway.

TALIESIN: But it does mean that you have disadvantage on the attack.

SAM: But it's a spell.

MATT: It's a spell. It doesn't affect him at all. So you still have to make a saving throw versus Prismatic Spray.

MARISHA: Shit. What kind of a saving throw?

MATT: We'll find out here in a second.

TALIESIN: It could be anything. It could be something you're downright immune to.

MARISHA: That's true. Come on, acid!

MATT: So I need you to roll a d8, please.

SAM: d8. Four.

MATT: Four. I need you to make a dexterity saving throw as an adult black dragon.

SAM: They're probably pretty dexterous.

MARISHA: Well, they're big fatty dragons.

TRAVIS: Wow, that is really stereotypical.

MARISHA: Not great. Seven.

MATT: Nope. So you take 10d6 poison damage.

SAM: Poison! Poison for the win!

MARISHA: Poison.

SAM: I don't want to roll 10d6, so I'm going to use one of those websites.

TALIESIN: Here's 10d6. One, two, three...

SAM: Then I have to do all the math.

TALIESIN: Here's ten. Here's ten right here.

TRAVIS: We've got calculators out, ready to help.

MATT: You earned this.

TALIESIN: All the ones that are not yours. Oh man. Oh, that's bad.

SAM: 34. That's not that bad.

MARISHA: 34?

MATT: 34 points of poison damage to you. Make a constitution saving throw.

TRAVIS: How many hit points does an adult dragon have?

MARISHA: A lot.

TRAVIS: Like, triple digits?

MARISHA: Oh, that's a natural 19.

MATT: You rolled twice, though, didn't you?

MARISHA: I have advantage.

MATT: Oh, that's right, because you have that feat. She has the Warcaster feat. So you're good.

TRAVIS: Why are we even in this fight?

SAM: I'm no longer invisible. But I am in a protecty cloud.

MATT: You are. So Keyleth, while you're submerged under the acid, all of a sudden there's a spray of greenish light that coasts through the surface of the water and beams across you, and you feel a horrible poison take effect on your stomach and internal system. You're like (groans). You saw it burst forth from that cloud of smoke that had been appearing on that side of the battlefield just outside of the water.

MARISHA: Okay.

SAM: I used some movement to land. Do I have any movement left?

MATT: With your walking movement, yes. You still have 40 feet left.

SAM: Then I'd like to go...

MATT: You are currently here.

SAM: I'd like to go around to the back of this wall back here. Yeah.

MATT: Okay. There you go.

SAM: And then I'll cast Sanctuary on myself.

MATT: As a bonus action? Okay. Sanctuary on you.

TRAVIS: God, really? Balls, wanker, ass.

MATT: All righty. That ends Taryon's turn.

SAM: I'm still in my sphere, everyone. Don't come find me.

LAURA: I heard Grog yell "empty."

TRAVIS: Yeah, I did it loud.

MATT: You did, just in time for all the braziers to go (puff, fiery explosion). I need you to make a dexterity saving throw, Grog.

TRAVIS: I was like, it's the other ones before the braziers. Shit, ass, nipples. 15.

MATT: 15? You take four points of fire damage, reduced to two.

TRAVIS: Hey!

MATT: And you're set on fire, but you already were.

(laughter)

MATT: All right. Vex, you're up.

LAURA: I know where Grog is. I'm going to step over and attack him.

MATT: Okay, so you head over to the edge, glance down, and you see the flames rescind from the brazier, and there Grog is patting the side of his arm. The flames are on his shoulders, but he's putting it out on his elbow.

TRAVIS: Sounds right.

MATT: All right, go for it.

LAURA: Oh yeah. 30?

MATT: Yep.

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: You're going to attack me over the giant red dragon?

MARISHA: I'm under the acid, man.

LAURA: Yeah. 12 plus two lightning damage.

TRAVIS: So six and one. Seven.

LAURA: And then the second one definitely hits.

MATT: Okay. This is getting close.

LAURA: 16 plus one lightning damage.

MATT: So eight, plus one. Nine. Nine damage. Okay.

LAURA: And for my bonus action, I'm going to-- oh god. No.

TRAVIS: Stay.

LAURA: No, he can get up to me. I'm going to get on my broom and I'm going to fly up! I'm going to fly into the air for my movement.

MATT: You spent ten movement moving up to the side there. You get on your broom, so you get up to about... we'll say, for the purposes of this, you can't get too high up here. You get about there.

LAURA: I don't want to fly up. I want to fly over. I want to fly away from Grog. No, towards the other brazier. Yeah.

MATT: You can get about there. A little bit over to this side.

LAURA: Okay, I'm going to do that.

TRAVIS: About 15 feet up, you said?

LAURA: Oh god! You know what? Ooh, this could be real bad.

MATT: That's what you're doing.

LAURA: Nope. I'm not. I'm thinking about it. I'm going to fly. I'm going to be up, but I'm going to stay over the roof. This is still stupid. I'm going to die. Grog's going to kill me.

MATT: We'll say you're up there.

LAURA: But further over towards-- I want to hover over the roof, but towards the other brazier.

MATT: Right. About here. I'm just putting you-- fine, I'll move it.

LAURA: Sorry. I got confused, Matt. I thought that's where you were saying I was.

MATT: There you go. Roughly, that's where you are.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: It's a lot to coordinate. That ends your turn, Vex. Grog, you're up.

TRAVIS: I was going to leave you alone. I was going to leave you alone! Fucking dragon sitting in a big-ass pool of acid. Piece of shit! And then the spiral's going to go off. Fuck it. I'm going to-- yeehaw howdy. Can I go to the rope ladder? How much does that take, to get to the rope ladder?

MATT: The wood ladder here? That is five, ten, 15.

TRAVIS: 15. Can I use my Boots of Feral Leaping to jump 15 feet vertically?

MATT: Yeah, go ahead and roll.

TRAVIS: That's all I need. 25.

MATT: You get halfway up.

TRAVIS: Can I use the rest of my movement to climb up onto the turret and move to the far end?

MATT: Yeah. You get up to right about there, and you have ten more feet. This way? Okay.

TRAVIS: Can I see Vex?

MATT: Oh yeah.

TRAVIS: (whoosh)

LAURA: Hi, Grog.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Reckless, please.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: 25.

LAURA: Oh, it hits me.

TRAVIS: 19.

LAURA: Doesn't.

TRAVIS: No, that's the damage.

LAURA: Oh. Shit.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: That's a million. That's 34 to hit.

LAURA: Oh, 34 to hit.

MATT: Grog, you took another four points of fire damage, reduced to two, from the fire.

TRAVIS: And the damage is 24.

LAURA: Oh god.

TRAVIS: Last one.

LAURA: Oh dear lord.

SAM: So the hammer keeps coming back, and he throws it again? Oh, wow.

MATT: (throwing noises) It's nasty.

TRAVIS: That is a 25.

LAURA: Oh no! I think my math is wrong. Hold on.

TRAVIS: You did it right.

LAURA: Hold on, that doesn't make sense. 25, you say?

TALIESIN: Points of damage.

LAURA: Oh no, I just dropped unconscious.

(laughter)

LAURA: I stayed over the roof.

MATT: You stayed over the roof. You fall prone. You still take a point of bludgeoning damage, which is an immediate failed save, so you've lost one death save and you're unconscious there.

TRAVIS: And you're trapped up here with me.

SAM: He'll go easy on you.

LAURA: Yeah, I'm sure. Kill me quickly so I can go pee, because I've had to for an hour now.

MATT: That end your turn, Grog?

TRAVIS: Yes, it does.

MATT: All righty. Keyleth. You don't know where anybody is. You're in acid water.

MARISHA: I poke my head out. Do I see anything?

MATT: Perception check.

SAM: A bunch of smoke.

MARISHA: Okay. 21.

MATT: From this perspective? Not really. You do see Vex go (thud).

MARISHA: Cool. I've got a good idea. I'm going to fly up.

MATT: How far up are you going to fly?

MARISHA: How high is the tower? (stutters)

MATT: It's about 35 feet to the top. 35 feet to the top edge.

MARISHA: I've got a flying speed of 80 feet, so I'm going to go 40 feet up.

MATT: You see Vex unconscious on the ground there, bleeding out of the side of the mouth, and you see a giant Grog.

TALIESIN: On fire.

MATT: On fire, with the hammer pulling back. Grog, you look over your shoulder and you see a big black dragon (whoosh).

MARISHA: I look at him and I say in Draconic, because I always forget. I go, Grog, check it out! Grog, look!

MATT: The dragon goes (guttural growling speech).

MARISHA: I'm going to be like, sorry, but I've always wanted to do this. (vomit noises) And do an acid breath. 60-foot line, five-foot wide.

SAM: You're trashed.

TRAVIS: Fire elemental, back to Keyleth, into a dragon?

LAURA: Come on.

MATT: To be fair, you guys focused on each other for most of this fight.

TRAVIS: That's true.

MATT: I need you to make a dexterity saving throw, Grog.

TRAVIS: Thank you. Thank you, sir. May I have another? 17.

MATT: That does not succeed. Keyleth, I need you to roll your 12d8 acid damage that Grog's about to take.

LAURA: Oh, are you immune to acid damage?

TRAVIS: No.

MATT: Nor resistant.

MARISHA: I'll roll five and then I'll roll five more. Actually, give me one more and I'll roll twice. Get that out of there.

TALIESIN: And ones you reroll, right?

MARISHA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: (cackles)

MARISHA: 16, plus let's do these two twos, which is four, which brings us to 20, plus another 12, so that brings us to 32. And then I roll again. 32, plus another 14, which is going to be 46, plus three, which is 49, plus another six, which is 55, plus another eight and another seven. 55 plus--

TALIESIN: 70.

MARISHA: 70, total. Acid damage.

MATT: (guttural growling) There's a stream of acid that sprays down the tower over you, Grog. Go ahead and make your constitution saving throw.

SAM: Tary versus a dragon. This is Dragon Slayer.

TRAVIS: 21.

MATT: So as the acid sprays over Grog, Grog still stands there, covered in acid and looks at you. It puts out the fire.

MARISHA: Do you have one hit point left, or some shit?

MATT: Barbarians have an ability where when they go to zero hit points, they make a constitution saving throw to resist going to zero.

LAURA: What is he at, then?

TRAVIS: One.

LAURA: Oh, okay.

MATT: But he's still standing as the acid is (sizzling).

TRAVIS: But the fire's out!

MARISHA: The fire's out, which is ironic because that means at the top of your turn you could have theoretically died. With the remainder of my movement--

MATT: Your Hunter's Mark is gone now. You have your movement.

MARISHA: I still have more movement. Can I go, oh fuck! in Draconic and go (boop) right back underneath the acid?

LAURA: She basically pooped. That's what it sounded like she did.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: How much movement do you have?

MARISHA: I have an 80 fly speed.

MATT: Into the water. You're mostly submerged right now. Splashing in and out of the water, it's displacing a lot of the acid. Your wings and your back are still visible. All right, that end your turn?

MARISHA: He doesn't have anything fighting against three-quarters cover.

MATT: With that, Taryon.

SAM: Yeah. I'll be fine.

MATT: You watch this dragon fly up, spray acid onto the tower, and then disappear into the water below.

SAM: Out of curiosity, where and in what condition is Percival's dead body?

MATT: You haven't seen him.

SAM: Great. Not even when I was in the sky?

MATT: When you were in the sky, you saw what looked like a mess in really nice clothing, so you saw Percival. The head was pumpkined. It was bad.

SAM: Okay, then.

TRAVIS: Are you checking on the state of Percy's brain?

SAM: I might need to use it. Can I poke out this corner?

TALIESIN: Is that getting closer to the dragon?

SAM: Is it?

MATT: Actually, here's the thing real fast. Let me read this. Frightful presence. You repeat at the end of its turn. Make another roll for the end of your last turn I forgot to make you do.

SAM: That's a two again.

MATT: So in theory, you know the dragon's there. You can't quite move closer to it, and that would be considered closer, so you'd have to go around this way.

SAM: Where's the door to the thing? It's right there on the front, right? The door to the tower?

MATT: The door to the tower is right there, yeah.

SAM: That's away from the dragon.

MATT: It is, yeah.

SAM: I'll use my movement to go there.

MARISHA: Are you still invisible?

SAM: Nope.

MATT: You get there. You see the dragon as you rush by. The smoke is still there.

SAM: I poke around the side of the smoke.

MARISHA: I'm like a Florida alligator right now.

MATT: You move past the smoke and the pillar.

SAM: And a quick little Prismatic Spray.

MATT: This Flaming Sphere is gone, by the way. Forgot that. All right, so roll a d8.

TALIESIN: That's a d6.

SAM: Oh shit. Four again. It's the same.

MARISHA: Fuck!

MATT: All right, so go ahead and roll a dexterity saving throw, Keyleth.

MARISHA: Nope. I think that's the exact same thing I rolled last time.

MATT: So that's another 10d6 poison damage.

SAM: Should we call it the same?

MATT and TALIESIN: No.

SAM: I don't like to roll this many things!

TRAVIS: You're actually very fast.

TALIESIN: Two, four, six, eight, nine, and you have one. There you go.

SAM: 35.

MATT: 35 points of fire damage to you.

TALIESIN: 35 points of poison.

MATT: Poison damage, yeah.

TALIESIN: I'm enjoying being the rules Nazi here.

MATT: Keyleth, make a constitution saving throw.

MARISHA: Don't fuck me, Gil. Don't fuck me. That's good. That's even better. 24.

MATT: Yeah, you're fine. You maintain your concentration. Okay, and?

SAM: Going into the tower. I have a bunch of movement left, right?

MATT: You do, yeah.

SAM: I'll go into the tower.

MATT: You have your boots and the potion, so your movement is 160?

SAM: 120.

MATT: 120. Yeah, you can go anywhere in that tower if you wanted to. There's this floor, there's the second floor, there's a third floor, and then there's the hatch through the top.

SAM: Ooh, there's floors?

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: I'm going to go into the second floor, that has those little...

TRAVIS: Yeah, the little slit windows?

SAM: Yeah. Is there any that can see the dragon, or no?

MATT: This is a stairway, which blocks this. Technically, that's just there, so you can fit up into here, and you don't technically see the dragon from that. You can glance over to the side of here and poke your head through the stairs and look and be like (whimpers).

SAM: I'll look, get a bead, and then just duck back so no one knows where I am. And also Sanctuary.

MATT: And also Sanctuary. One more. Sanctuary's not there, since you used Prismatic Spray.

LAURA: I know, right?

MARISHA: Just hide.

LAURA: I mean, come on, that would've been the absolute best thing to do.

TALIESIN: Just hide and be extremely inconvenient to Matt.

TRAVIS: It is a strategy.

MARISHA: Yeah, you're called a dirty camper. A camper! Like someone who camps in first-person shooters.

SAM: That's me. That's exactly me.

MATT: All righty, so make a wisdom saving throw to see if you can resist the frightened effect.

SAM: 15!

MATT: Plus?

SAM: Minus one.

MATT: Minus one? Nope. You're still frightened. You're still like, "Oh god, dragon!"

LAURA: Damn, I wish my thing wasn't busted. I would put him in the--

TRAVIS: I know.

MATT: All righty, top of the round. The pillars once again (vibration) and begin to affect this area around these pillars, beginning to call gravity to the ground. All righty. That brings us to... Vex, roll a death saving throw.

LAURA: Save.

MATT: Yeah, okay. Grog, your turn.

TRAVIS: Standing there, with one hit point, acid melting my flesh, I would like to pull out the Deck of Many Things.

MARISHA: Oh, you dick! You dick!

(laughter)

LAURA: He has the actual, Matt!

TRAVIS: I actually have this. It's blocked on the back, and each card represents each one of them. You can check it, if it's good.

MATT: Well, I'll have to pare down the deck, since we don't have the full deck here. It's a half deck. Where did you get this?

TRAVIS: I think that's... It was a gift from a fan.

MATT: Oh man. I'm going to do this.

SAM: Thank you, Critters, for all the cool, useful stuff.

TRAVIS: I also have to name a number of cards that I would like to pull.

MATT: This is very true.

TALIESIN: I'm so sad I'm dead right now. This would've been worth everything.

MATT: You may not be in a moment! Who knows?

TALIESIN: Good god.

MATT: Okay, so starting from here, we have...

TALIESIN: I'm so proud of you. This is the end of Cabin in the Woods. I'm so impressed. Lighting a cigarette at the end of the world.

TRAVIS: There's not a ton that could help me, but fuck it.

MATT: Thanks for your patience, guys.

TRAVIS: No, take your sweet time.

SAM: What do we have in the store right now, Laura?

LAURA: Oh, we have t-shirts...

SAM: What do they say on them?

LAURA: We have Gilmore's Glorious Goods, we have Vox Machina t-shirts, we have How Do You Want to Do This? t-shirts...

SAM: I feel like people should go to the store and get stuff now, because when the 100th episode runs around, some of those items might be dropped from the store and replaced with new stuff.

LAURA: You never know.

SAM: I don't know, actually. I literally don't know.

TALIESIN: He literally has no idea.

TRAVIS: It's not like we've been planning for a 100th episode or anything.

LAURA: No.

SAM: So if you want these items, you got to get them now.

TALIESIN: We should totally do that. We should plan something.

TRAVIS: We should. When is the 100th?

LAURA: It's in a couple weeks, right? Is that enough time to plan anything? Two weeks from now? We could throw something together, right?

MARISHA: I'll get a cake from Porto's.

SAM: That's it?

MATT: So Grog. How many cards do you want to pull?

SAM: Five cards?!

MATT: (giggling) Five? Five cards?

TALIESIN: Yeah! Do it, I'm so proud of you!

SAM: It's chaos, and you're not even going to be here to deal with it! I'm in a house with this stuff! It's going to be me!

MARISHA: Tary versus many horrible things.

TALIESIN: No good, really bad day.

LAURA: Oh my god, it's going to be a grim reaper that comes out and kills Grog immediately.

TRAVIS: Do you want to pick one for me?

LAURA: Can I? Okay!

TALIESIN: Oh my god. Choose the form of your destroyer.

TRAVIS: Wait, keep it face-down when you pick it.

MATT: Okay. Five cards. Here, you guys got to pick, all right.

TRAVIS: Okay, I get four, you get one.

LAURA: Okay!

TRAVIS: One, two...

MATT: Keep track of the order. The final one there. Okay, so Vex is the last one.

SAM: We're never going to get that far.

TALIESIN: I'm so excited!

MATT: Okay. Grog, first card. What did you pull?

TRAVIS: Ruin.

SAM: End of game.

LAURA: What is Ruin?

TRAVIS: The picture is a cliff exploding and a body flying off to his death.

SAM: That's literally what's about to happen.

MATT: Grog. Weirdly, not much happens to you that you notice in the moment. At all.

TRAVIS: Great.

TALIESIN: Oh, I know how Ruin works.

MATT: Your Bag of Holding's fucking empty now, and all of your non-magical items are gone.

SAM: Oh, you're just poor.

MATT: All of your personal wealth is gone.

MARISHA: What about his weapons and all of this shit, too?

MATT: Magical items are not affected. It's non-magical. You're no longer a Grand Poobah in this temporary alternate universe. So that probably was one of the better cards you could've pulled. What's the second card, Grog?

TRAVIS: Rogue?

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: It looks terrible.

TRAVIS: An individual standing in front of a devil with five swords going through his torso.

MATT: Okay, so no discernible effect at the moment.

MARISHA: What?

LAURA: What does that one do?

MATT: But I'll say for the hell of it: Should you survive this battle, it's going to be really rough one day to have Wilhand stab you in your sleep.

TRAVIS: Oh, it turns somebody against you? All right. Third card.

MATT: While you're sitting there, and you're resting one night, Wilhand's like (growls).

TRAVIS: If I survive this, and I'm acid-melted and laying there dying, and he walks up with a little butter knife, I'll be like, do it! Just do it!

MATT: All right. Third card.

TRAVIS: Star.

LAURA: Oh, it looks good. It looks like a good one.

TRAVIS: Which, it seems to be the opposite of what's been happening, so maybe I'm fucked.

MATT: Increase one of your ability scores by two.

TRAVIS: Hey! Life score! Kill dragon score! Health score?

LAURA: Intelligence!

MATT: You can increase your constitution by two.

TRAVIS: Let's do that.

MATT: Okay, so your hit points now go up by 17.

TRAVIS: That's important.

SAM: Does he have 18 hit points now?

MATT: Yes, he does.

MARISHA: Really?

MATT: Yeah, because it automatically increases his modifier by one.

TRAVIS: I'm coming.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: We'll see.

MATT: Fourth card?

TRAVIS: Key.

TALIESIN: Oh shit.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Is this a good one, too? It looks good.

MATT: This is the one I thought you had pulled originally. A rare or rarer magical item.

SAM: Oh, you get a cool thing!

LAURA: I hope I've cursed him! Please let me have cursed him!

TRAVIS: I want the one that lets me succeed on my next venture.

MATT: I'm going to roll randomly for this real fast.

MARISHA: That one automatically succeeds at something? Bring it, bitch.

TALIESIN: This is amazing.

TRAVIS: I should've just picked seven. I picked five; that was good.

LAURA: Five is a lot. Five is as high as you can count.

MARISHA: That's true. That's how many fingers you have.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

TALIESIN: That's the highest number you really know. Everything is just more fives.

MARISHA: Grog lives in intervals of fives.

MATT: A beautiful black and ivory-inlaid sword shows up, a greatsword shows up in your hand. You have to attune to it, unfortunately.

TRAVIS: Right. I got 30 minutes to waste. Just sitting here melting.

MATT: And then, what's the next card?

LAURA: Oh no, this looks good, too.

TRAVIS: The Knight.

MATT: (giggles)

LAURA: Does he get a wish?

MARISHA: Did he get something stupid? He's going to the bag.

SAM: You get a horse or something.

MARISHA: Grog becomes cavalry.

LAURA: Please be on top of the tower on a horse.

MATT: You look at the card for a second like, "Huh, what does this do?" And you hear a voice go (clears throat). You look to your side, and there is a gentleman with armor and weapons who goes, "Sir Grog! I am here to serve you! Whatever you need, let me know! My life for Strongjaw!"

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Do you have any health potions on you?

MATT: "Oh, goodness, sir! Are you all right?"

TRAVIS: Things are very bad. It's dire stakes. Kill the dragon.

MATT: "Dragon?"

TRAVIS: Yeah, dragon. Your courage is most important at this dire hour!

MATT: Okay, you control this character. You tell him whatever to do. So you have a 4th-level fighter.

TRAVIS: 4th-level!

MATT: Yeah. However, he's the same race as you, so he's a goliath in full armor.

TRAVIS: Hey! Sweet. Hold on, come here, I need to draw some tattoos on you to make you look like me.

MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: Awesome.

SAM: The streak continues with Grog.

TRAVIS: Right. Okay. I have 18 hit points. Everybody's alive. That's my turn.

LAURA: Can you move?

TRAVIS: Were any of those draw again cards?

MATT: Nope.

TRAVIS: Yeah, cool.

LAURA: Can you move?

TRAVIS: Oh, I can move, because I'm alive. I live. At this moment.

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: I would like to go down the trapdoor.

MATT: Okay. What about your friend?

TRAVIS: Yes, with the friend. No! He's going to stand up there. Just double birds. Out going like this. And he has to go, "I am Grog!" The whole time.

MATT: Okay, so you pull down the trap door once again, and it's small in there. How far down do you go?

TRAVIS: The second level.

MATT: You go down to the second level and as you crawl down, you look and you see Taryon there, looking out a window, looking very scared.

SAM: Where's your skin?

TRAVIS: (grunts)

SAM: (shrieks) No! It bounces off my Sanctuary!

MATT: You re-cast Sanctuary on yourself, right?

SAM: Yeah, I did.

MATT: All right, so that's your turn, Grog.

TRAVIS: That's it.

MATT: As your knight's double fingering towards the... Gotcha. Whoa, this got weird. Okay. Keyleth, it's your turn.

MARISHA: Okay, I'm going to come back out of the acid. (war cry) What do I see? I look towards where Grog was.

MATT: You look up and you see a goliath in full armor just going...

MARISHA: (war cry) I'm going to fly over, and I'm going to land on top of the tower, and I'm going to do a multiattack against him. (heavy impacts) And frightful presence. I don't know if that affects an imaginary knight from a deck of cards.

MATT: It does! Go ahead and roll a wisdom saving throw for the knight.

LAURA: Is that a 20?

TRAVIS: It's a three.

MATT: Jeez. He's like, "Dragon! Where--" (screams) As you land next to him, he's like (weak chuckle)

TRAVIS: Poor bastard. Into creation for, what, 30 seconds?

MATT: So full multiattack on this guy, you said, right?

MARISHA: Yep, bite and two claws.

MATT: All right, go for it. Roll some attacks here.

MARISHA: That's a natural 19 on the first one.

MATT: Okay, that'll hit.

MARISHA: So that's 30. Not so good on the second one. That's 15.

MATT: Okay, 15 does not hit.

MARISHA: Okay, and then on the third, that's a seven plus 11, so 18.

MATT: 18 does hit.

MARISHA: So two attacks.

MATT: Yep, two attacks hit.

MARISHA: So one bite and one claw, I guess.

MATT: Sure, go ahead and roll damage.

MARISHA: 2d10 plus six, plus 1d8 for acid damage. Oh man, why does this keep happening to me? Okay, 11 plus seven is 18. Wait, let me make sure I'm doing this right. No, plus six. 11 plus six, so 17, and then 1d8. Four. Okay, so he takes 18-- wait, what did I just say? 17 piercing damage, and then four acid damage from the bite.

MATT: Okay, so 21 total. And then your next strike, the claw?

MARISHA: Eight plus six is 12. 12 damage.

MATT: 12 damage. As you strike him (heavy impacts), he's like (whimpers) and he's still alive.

MARISHA: Okay, can I take the rest of my movement to fly and hover above?

TRAVIS: Attack of opportunity.

MATT: Yes, you do get an attack of opportunity.

MARISHA: That's fine.

MATT: All right, so you hover above, we'll say with your full movement, you don't get too far, unfortunately, because you took, to get into that space up there, would've been 70.

MARISHA: Would I get out of the sphere of the electrical attack? Then no, I'll just stay there.

MATT: Okay. You stay there. Go ahead and roll an attack for him.

TRAVIS: What do you think?

MARISHA: Does he get a retaliation attack?

MATT: No, if you're not moving, he doesn't. You're right. Never mind. All right, so bringing it back to Taryon.

SAM: Never thought it would come to this. I hold up a diamond, and I point it at your face, and I say, I will heal you if you swear you will not stab me in the back.

TRAVIS: I swear. I want this dragon dead.

SAM: Insight check!

MATT: All right, roll an insight check.

SAM: That's pretty lousy. 11.

TRAVIS: I swear. Yes. Giant dragon.

SAM: Healing draught. 9d8.

MATT: Go ahead. You have to drink it on your turn, but he hands it to you.

SAM: I can't use my action to pour it down his throat?

MATT: Yeah, you can. You walk up to Grog, and (cork pop).

TRAVIS: Give me these things.

LAURA: What do you want?

TRAVIS: 9d8! And who rolls them?

TALIESIN: Here's another question, when was the last time you hit something?

TRAVIS: I have persistent rage.

MATT: He can maintain his rage as long as he wants. High-level barbarians, man.

SAM: I will live... to regret this.

TRAVIS: No! No.

MATT: Well, there can be only one.

TRAVIS: 46. 46 plus 18.

SAM: That's pretty good.

MATT: So 54? No, 64. 64 health, I think you're at.

TRAVIS: I'm at 64, yeah.

MATT: That's your turn. You can move, Taryon, if you want to, or do you want to stay put?

SAM: I don't know what our plan of action is, so... I can't go up, because I would be scared. Do I have to roll for fear again?

MATT: Yes, at the end of your turn, you do. At the end of your turn, though. If you're going to move, move first.

SAM: I will move down to the bottom floor.

MATT: Okay, you get down to the bottom floor, and you're right by the doors, which are now burned down entirely. The wood has caught fire and crumbled in.

SAM: I still have some movement, right?

MATT: Yeah, you have a shit-ton of movement.

SAM: I look up to see if I can see the dragon.

MATT: You see the edge of a wing going (whoosh).

SAM: A wing. I'm going to go to the north bunker.

MATT: Over here? Okay. With that, Taryon, you head down through here and into this north bunker over here. All right. Grog, you're technically in that room there.

SAM: All right. And now I roll my fear?

MATT: Yes, now you roll your fear.

SAM: 16? 15. What do I have to roll to beat this thing?

MARISHA: Yeah, you didn't roll high enough.

MATT: 18, I think it is?

SAM: Jesus, I'm never going to do it.

MATT: Only lasts a minute.

SAM: Oh, okay.

MATT: All right, that ends your turn, Taryon?

SAM: Yep.

MATT: The arcane towers (crackling) send out a burst of energy. Roll a dexterity saving throw for your knight friend, and you roll, as well.

LAURA: He's not dead?

TRAVIS: No. 18?

MARISHA: Oh, that's not that great. I thought that was better. 15.

MATT: 18? He succeeds.

MARISHA: Goddamn it.

MATT: It would be 16 lightning damage. Instead, he takes eight. I'll mark that here. He's hurt pretty bad, but he's still hanging in there. What did you roll?

MARISHA: 15.

MATT: 15. So you take 16 points of lightning damage. Go ahead and roll a constitution check.

MARISHA: A lot. I'm good.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: That's a failed death save for me.

MATT: And... yeah. How many have you lost now?

LAURA: That's two fails.

TRAVIS: What is the point?

MATT: Now it's your turn. Go ahead and roll again.

LAURA: Well, all right. One!

MATT: And with that, we'll say from a narrative standpoint, as the lightning sparks out and it hits Keyleth in her dragon form, she falls back and her back foot (squelch) accidentally smears Vex.

TALIESIN: That's going to be hard to clean up.

LAURA: No fate dice for us, Percy.

MATT: All right, so that's the end of Vex's turn. Grog, you're up.

TRAVIS: I pull out the rest of the-- no, I run up to the top of the tower.

TALIESIN: Fear?

MARISHA: He's immune to fear because barbarian and raging.

TRAVIS: I ain't scared.

MARISHA: He ain't scared.

TRAVIS: It's absurd. And then she has all of her hit points left.

MATT: So Grog, you get up to the top of the hatch and you come out and you're right there next to your goliath friend, in the face of this big dragon. What are you going to do?

TRAVIS: I'm going to rush up to the giant red dragon and go: Yo, Wilfred. This is how it's done, lad. And I do all three attacks, reckless, at the fucking dragon.

MATT: Okay. Go for it.

SAM: Reckless? You could kill the dragon in one move.

TRAVIS: I don't think so. That's a 32?

MARISHA: To hit? Yeah. He could take me down.

TRAVIS: 24 on the first one.

MARISHA: Damage?

MATT: Before you roll damage on the next one, roll another constitution saving throw for concentration. Beat a 12.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Natural 20.

TALIESIN: You've had a few of those tonight.

TRAVIS: Okay, so that was a nine, so 25. That was nine on the die.

MATT: You rolled a nine on the die. This is the damage.

MARISHA: Oh, right.

MATT: So 18, plus your modifier.

TRAVIS: So that's 34.

MATT: Plus two additional dice for the weapon.

TRAVIS: That's right, yeah. Ten, plus a three. 47.

MARISHA: Total?

MATT: 47 points of damage to you. Roll another constitution saving throw. You have to beat a 23.

MARISHA: As long as I roll over--

MATT: Constitution.

MARISHA: Oh, constitution?

MATT: It's not wisdom. It's constitution for these.

LAURA: Have you been adding your wisdom modifier this whole time?

MARISHA: My constitution's all right. I've been rolling over the minimum, anyway. No. Nope.

MATT: Keyleth's form drops.

SAM: Oh shit!

MATT: The spell drops, losing concentration. Her form reverts into regular Keyleth again. It wasn't damage over. There's Keyleth in front of you. You still have your third attack.

TRAVIS: I definitely think about kicking her off the top of the tower.

SAM: Of course you do.

TRAVIS: I think the attack is better. Yep. Reckless.

SAM: So many menu options.

TRAVIS: That hits. 33.

MATT: Okay. Go ahead and roll damage.

MARISHA: Why were you like, ugh? You wanted a critical?

TALIESIN: Don't be greedy.

TRAVIS: I know. 27.

MARISHA: Damage total?

MATT: 27 damage to you, and your friend next to you, who's no longer frightened because you're no longer a dragon.

MARISHA: He doesn't get to attack, does he?

MATT: Yeah, he does. He attacks on your turn. He gets two attacks with his greatsword. Go ahead and attack twice for him. Plus five to hit.

TRAVIS: Plus five to hit. That's a 23.

MARISHA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: 24?

MATT: All right, so 2d6 plus three to each hit.

SAM: For the honor of Strongjaw!

MATT: I'll protect you, my lord!

TRAVIS: Ten, one. You said 2d6 plus one?

MATT: 2d6 plus three.

TRAVIS: Right, so that's 13 for the first one.

MATT: 13 damage.

TRAVIS: Six, seven. Ten.

MARISHA: So 23 total.

MATT and TRAVIS: 23 total.

MARISHA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: I thought he was going to be in and out in a quick Pop Tart flash.

MATT: Ends your turn, Grog?

TRAVIS: Three attacks, bonus action. Can't do anything. Yep.

MATT: Keyleth, you're up. Form has dropped. Grog is looking healthier than you remember him.

MARISHA: Grog. We're friends, right? Remember me? Come here. I'm going to grab him real quick and I'm going to do Plane Shift.

TALIESIN: Whoa!

MARISHA: It's me, Keyleth! (grunts)

MATT: Roll a charisma saving throw. I think it's charisma, right? Plane Shift is a charisma saving throw. Grog, roll a charisma saving throw.

SAM: He's going to break this plane of existence, too, and come back.

TRAVIS: It's a 19.

MATT: What's your charisma?

TRAVIS: Plus one.

MATT: So you rolled a 19?

TRAVIS: It's a 20 with a plus one, but I need a natural 20, I know.

MATT: What did you roll on the dice?

TRAVIS: 19.

LAURA: Plus one.

MATT: That's a 20.

MARISHA: The 20 is what I had.

MATT: Yeah, so he saves.

MARISHA: You are lying to me. You are fucking lying!

MATT: It's what he rolled!

TALIESIN: This is what's been happening all night.

SAM: The plane of existence. You break it!

MATT: You resist the effect as Keyleth is holding onto you, and she slowly lets go, shaking a little bit.

TALIESIN: You have your bonus and your movement.

MARISHA: I have a bonus and a movement.

MATT: Yes, you do.

MARISHA: Okay. Oh god.

LAURA: Run away!

MATT: That's your 7th-level spell, gone.

LAURA: Plane Shift was her 7th-level spell?

MARISHA: Yeah, it was bad. I'm still all right. I have a bonus and a movement. Okay. I'm going to... take my bonus action to go oh, Grog! And cast a Grasping Vine.

MATT: Grasping Vine is 4th-level. You can't cast it.

MARISHA: Fuck! Okay. I will do... options are dwindling very quickly.

LAURA: Tary will be the survivor because he's hiding.

SAM: Why, because I haven't taken a single hit yet?

MARISHA: I have Freedom of Movement still on me, though. Does that aid me escaping?

MATT: Nope. Still gets a swing at you. Both of them.

MARISHA: Okay. I'm going to do a bonus action to heal myself. Healing Word. Let's do a 3rd-level Healing Word.

MATT: 2nd-level Healing Word. You can't do more than 2nd-level.

MARISHA: Sorry. You're right. 2nd-level Healing Word. So it's 2d4. Oh my god.

TALIESIN: You are the luckiest motherfucker. This has all been just--

LAURA: Why couldn't he have rolled like he did on the one-shot, where it was one after one after one?

MATT: I can't believe you made that fucking roll!

TRAVIS: I was like, aw, it has to be a 20. Yeah. My charisma's plus one.

MATT: It's the hat. It's the feathered hat. It pushes it just over.

MARISHA: 53. Okay. And then I'm going to-- fucking hell, I'm really tapped out. Okay, my mantle allows me to jump. My jump distance is tripled. Does that mean I could successfully back up and jump off the tower and potentially land safely?

MATT: Land safely?

MARISHA: How about this? I'm going to go, sorry, Grog! And turn and run, and I'm going to do a full-on ninja-style jump and see if I can land on top of this roof?

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Parkour.

MATT: Both you and your buddy get an attack of opportunity on her.

TRAVIS: Reckless, for me. Buddy, first. That's a 23 to hit.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: 2d6 plus three.

TRAVIS: Six.

MATT: Six points of damage to you.

MARISHA: Just six? Six from the knight. Okay, that puts me at 46.

TRAVIS: 28 to hit from me.

SAM: That hits.

TRAVIS: 21 points of damage.

SAM: She's okay.

MATT: Keyleth, you turn, you run. Make an athletics check, please.

MARISHA: Do I have advantage on this?

MATT: No.

MARISHA: I'm so bad at my athletics. I'm always so bad! 12.

MATT: It's okay. You didn't have to roll high. You'll get a decent distance, but your jump distance is tripled because of your mantle, so you do manage to make it and land on that roof. You take four points of bludgeoning damage. I rolled one, one, two.

MARISHA: Ugh, I fucking twisted my ankle.

MATT: Yeah, it hurt. It pops a little bit, but you're there.

MARISHA: How much? Four points?

MATT: Four points, yeah. All right. That's your turn, Keyleth? Taryon. You're way over here.

SAM: Fly out, fly up. Halfway up.

MATT: Halfway up? About there.

SAM: How does a cone work?

MATT: Cone? It's a cone outward.

SAM: We're dealing with three dimensions, here.

MATT: You could hit both of them. All three of them with it.

SAM: I will aim that way.

MATT: You have to pull back a lot, like over here.

MARISHA: What the fuck kind of cone are you using?

SAM: I have many Prismatic Sprays.

MARISHA: Even though I'm down from them?

SAM: It's a 60-feet distance, 60-foot cone. I don't know if the math is going to work. If not, I have a backup plan.

MATT: Yeah, they're all within 60 feet.

TALIESIN: Oh my god.

MARISHA: Tary wins.

SAM: d8 again?

MATT: Prismatic Spray. Yeah, d8.

SAM: This is a different one. This is a five.

MATT: Five. That's cold damage. I need Grog, Keyleth. Your knight friend is (ice cracking) frozen into place and is now a frozen statue of ice, there, up in the tower.

MARISHA: Dexterity saves?

MATT: Dexterity saving throw, yeah.

MARISHA: Oh, that's good!

TRAVIS: Six, but I have resistance to cold.

MARISHA: I am at 20.

MATT: Yeah, you succeed. So half damage to both of you. Roll that now. It's 10d6 cold damage.

TRAVIS: Ten cubes.

MARISHA: That saving throw may be the only thing that saves me. Maybe. Depends on how he rolls.

MATT: Yeah, we'll see how the roll goes. This is close.

TALIESIN: Ooh. Oh. Yeah.

SAM: 36, halved. 18.

MARISHA: I'm good!

TRAVIS: She says, before she dies.

MARISHA: Shut your dirty mouth.

SAM: Yeah. I'm flying. That negated my Sanctuary. I'll do one more Sanctuary, and I'm going to stay up. Can I fly back down? That probably took all my speed. Yeah, I'll hover in place.

MATT: Top of the round. The towers surge, bursting with energy up here and up here. Grog, I need you to roll another dexterity saving throw.

TRAVIS: 18.

MATT: 18? Okay, that just succeeds. You take half damage.

TRAVIS: And I have resistance.

MATT: Right. I rolled pretty good, so it was 21 points of lightning damage, reduced to ten, and then halved because you have resistance, so five.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: And Grog, it's your turn. You have Keyleth over here.

TRAVIS: Oh, I only have one target. I stride confidently to the edge of the tower, and I'd like to use my Boots of Feral Leaping to jump and bring my hammer down on top of Keyleth, on top of the tower.

MATT: Go ahead and roll your athletics check. Don't be a one.


TRAVIS: Oh yeah, don't be a one. That's pretty good. That's a 22.

MATT: Okay. You leap and land. You do take three points of bludgeoning damage. Six, reduced to three.

MARISHA: Goddamn it, he was so close. I had him. Twice!

MATT: I know.

MARISHA: I had you twice!

TRAVIS: Reckless, I smash.

MATT: Okay, go for it.

MARISHA: Time for a beautiful and glorious death.

LAURA: He got another 20!

MATT: On the first hit? Go ahead and roll damage.

TALIESIN: Oh my god.

TRAVIS: That's a nine, so 18.

MARISHA: I almost teleported his fucking ass.

MATT: I know.

TALIESIN: There's six places he should have died.

TRAVIS: 34.

MARISHA: I'm unconscious.

TRAVIS: Let's not rush it. 43. 51.

MATT: So Keyleth-- you take the three damage not from the stone breaking your fall, but from her breaking your fall as you land on her. She (thud) onto the stone, flat on the ground, the hammer placed squarely between the back of her shoulderblades, in the middle of the neck. As you bring the hammer back up, pulling it back, she's twitching a little on the stonework, but she's still alive.

TRAVIS: I reach down. I grab one of those jacked-up antlers, hold her up in the air. I look at Tary, and I lob it and smack her towards the acid pool. I want to hit her in the air towards the acid pool.

MATT: Roll an attack.

MARISHA: (laughing) So cold!

TRAVIS: Jesus. Yeah, 36?

MATT: Yeah. It's an auto-crit, so it's two automatic fails of your death saving throw. (splash) Make a strength check.

MARISHA: Look.

TALIESIN: Oh, that's depressing.

MARISHA: Strength check.

MATT: He's making it, not you. You're making it. What did you get?

TRAVIS: That is 12 plus eight. 20.

MATT: 20. You arc her, (whoosh, sizzle) taking the final death saving throw as you slowly dissolve in the acid. Keyleth eliminated from the battle.

MARISHA: I got to use the tattoo.

TRAVIS: One last attack. I look up at Tary and I'm like, you did save me. What do you want to do?

SAM: I crack my knuckles. Come on, little man. Let's rumble.

TRAVIS: I like your style. I have a throwing distance. It is ranged, so I think it's at disadvantage, which is 70 feet.

MATT: 70 feet? You can hit him at 70 feet, yeah. It's disadvantage on the attack, though.

TRAVIS: So a regular roll, reckless.

MATT: Right. Well, first make a wisdom saving throw, because he has Sanctuary.

TRAVIS: That's right.

LAURA: What did you get?

TRAVIS: An eight.

MATT: You go--

TRAVIS: Nah. I'll let you go first. With my speed, can I run on this side of the structure to get cover?

MATT: Here?

TRAVIS: Yep. Down. Whatever blocks his line of sight from me.

MATT: Okay. Your turn, Taryon.

SAM: I'm flying, so I will fly where I saw him hide.

MATT: You see him. He's not really hiding. (laughs)

SAM: He's immune to everything, right?

LAURA: No, he's just resistant.

SAM: But he's resistant to everything.

MATT: He's resistant to slashing, bludgeoning, piercing, fire, cold, and lightning right now.

LAURA: So poison, acid he's not resistant to.

TRAVIS: I'm resistant to poison.

LAURA: Oh, he's not resistant to acid.

MATT: Yeah, because of your belt.

SAM: I'll fly over there and I guess I've got to get within 30 feet above him. Or 30 feet of him.

MATT: You can get about there. A little closer, actually. You'd have to get to about there and you can throw to him.

SAM: I'll chuck acid at him.

MATT: This vial (splash) hits the ground and splashes acid all around you. He has to make a dexterity saving throw, I think?

SAM: I'll look.

TRAVIS: Really? Already?

SAM: Dexterity saving throw.

TRAVIS: 18 is the first one. 18 on the second one.

MATT: The DC, I'm pretty sure 18 makes it.

SAM: Yeah, so that's halved?

TRAVIS: Danger sense.

SAM: It's 9d6.

TALIESIN: Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.

MARISHA: If Tary wins, I'm going to be so happy, even though dirty fucking camper. Dirty camper.

MATT: No, that's a tactic.

SAM: 16. Wow, lousy. It was all ones and twos.

TRAVIS: 16 reduced to eight?

MATT: You take eight points of acid damage, Grog.

SAM: Oh, I attacked again, didn't I? Shit. I will do another Sanctuary at level two.

MATT: All righty. Grog, it's your turn.

SAM: (singing) I'm like a bird.

TRAVIS: I climb back up on the roof. I walk over to Tary. How did I break the Sanctuary with Groon? I just booped him, right? Can I reach him with my fingertip?

MATT: Nope. He's about 15 feet ahead of you.

TRAVIS: I'm going to try and hit him.

SAM: Jump and hit or throw and hit?

TRAVIS: Throw and hit.

MATT: So wisdom.

TRAVIS: No. 13.

MATT: So you go (frustrated noise).

TRAVIS: Stubborn as a mule. 11.

SAM: I'm doing that pec thing that you always do, but I can't do it, so it looks like this.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: One more. Ooh! 19?

SAM: Sure, yeah. That means it breaks my Sanctuary, yeah. Does he roll again to attack?

MATT: You have to roll to attack.

TRAVIS: Reckless. I got through, ma! 31.

SAM: Oh yeah.

MATT: Roll damage on that.

TRAVIS: 26.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: You're like, (laughs, gong sound). You taste the blood for the first time in your mouth, really.

TALIESIN: Does he stay on the broom?

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: Had to bring him back, didn't you?

MARISHA: This is your fault.

SAM: Sorry.

TRAVIS: With the rest of my movement, can I run back down off the roof and into the room?

MATT: Going off the roof there and then get inside. So you'll be about there. You're low. You're hunched in there. Melee attacks inside that room for you right now are going to be at disadvantage because the space is so crowded. Taryon, your turn.

SAM: I'm going to actually fly away further and pull out another gem from my helmet and cast what modern-day people would call napalm. Straight into the door. A Wall of Fire, straight in the door, in the room.

TRAVIS: I ain't winning any beauty contests.

MATT: A straight wall of flame engulfs the room.

TRAVIS: (screams)

SAM: It's 5d8 fire damage.

TRAVIS: Ones and twos. Here we go!

SAM: But you're resistant, right?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

SAM: Okay.

TRAVIS: I've been burned, melted, burned, melted, and burned.

MATT: Dexterity save from you, Grog.

TRAVIS: Dexterity? 21. Plus two on a 19.

SAM: 26.

MATT: 26, so you take half that, which is 13, because you succeeded on your save, and then half that. You take six points of fire damage.

SAM: That's it? Weak.

MATT: He's resistant to fire, man.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: That's your turn? You still have your bonus action.

SAM: I'll Sanctuary myself again.

MATT: (laughs) All right.

TRAVIS: Damn it. Sanctuary!

MATT: Grog, it's your turn.

TRAVIS: How far above the roof of that building is he?

MATT: He's 30 feet above it.

TRAVIS: Okay, never mind. I will leap horizontally towards the building that he is close to. 20 feet.

MATT: You have to move out of the room first. So you have ten feet out.

TRAVIS: I might not have made that. 17. I made it by one.

MARISHA: Oh, you almost tripped in the acid? That would have been awesome.

MATT: That would have been great.

TRAVIS: Yeah, because I fall prone.

MARISHA: Damn. It would have been so cool.

TRAVIS: So 20 feet horizontally, and then the rest of my speed to run to the building, climb up on the roof, and get right underneath him. I'd like to try and get through this fucking Sanctuary.

MATT: Wisdom save.

LAURA: I like that we thought this might go fast.

MARISHA: I know. I'm still laughing at him saying that at the top.

TRAVIS: 14.

MATT: Second attack lost.

TRAVIS: 19.

SAM: Oh yeah. That gets through.

MATT: Third and final strike. (grunts)

TRAVIS: 31.

MATT: 31 points of damage.

TRAVIS: No, just to hit.

MATT: Oh, to hit? Okay.

TRAVIS: Ten, 26.

MATT: 26 points of damage.

SAM: Okay. Still kicking.

TALIESIN: Quite well, I might add.

LAURA: He's got a lot. He had a lot of hit points.

TRAVIS: Who?

LAURA: Tary.

TRAVIS: Oh, really? He ate half of his cloak or whatever.

SAM: This guy is impossible to kill.

LAURA: Not impossible, Tary. It's not impossible.

MATT: All right. Tary, it's your turn.

SAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: 19. That 19 will haunt me for forever.

SAM: Is pulling a patch an action? I'll fly right over the acid pit, right over the center, and I've got to do one more Prismatic Spray.

MATT: All righty. Dexterity check, Grog. Roll a d8.

TRAVIS: A d8?

MATT: He rolls a d8. What did you roll?

TRAVIS: 19?

SAM: It's four. It's poison, right?

MATT: Four is poison, yeah.

TRAVIS: Which I have resistance to.

MATT: Yeah, so roll 10d6. And he saved, so he takes a quarter of the poison damage.

SAM: Wait, a quarter?! Goddamn it! This guy!

TRAVIS: Tary, at any time, you can just plop into the acid and it will all be over. You can drop in, listen to the bubbles consume your flesh. Be like soggy Cracklin' Oat Bran. That milk looks weird.

SAM: 42 halved and quartered. So it's 11? Wait, is that right?

TRAVIS: 21.

MATT: 21, ten. Ten points of poison damage.

SAM: Ten? Ten?!

MATT: He can't have that much more. Don't give up.

TRAVIS: Let me guess. Sanctuary?

SAM: Oh yeah. That's a good idea!

(laughter)

SAM: I don't have many more of those.

MATT: All righty. Grog, it's your turn.

SAM: 3rd-level Sanctuary.

TRAVIS: I fucking walk off the roof and toward the edge of the acid and I'm like, okay, in range, and I'll--

LAURA: Wait, you can't cast 3rd-level spells after you've already done a spell. You can only do 2nd-level.

SAM: Is the Prismatic Spray a spell?

MATT: It's not casting it at a higher level. He's sacrificing a higher-level spell slot to cast a lower-level. It doesn't change anything about it.

SAM: No, but because I used Prismatic Spray. Oh, I see. It's still a low-level spell. I'm just using a slot.

MATT: You're just using a higher-level slot. It's not casting at a higher level.

MARISHA: Wait, what? All right. I just thought if you cast it as a higher-level spell, you couldn't do it as a lower-level spell?

SAM: Shenanigans.

MATT: He's basically sacrificing a high-level spell to cast a lower-level spell that doesn't get any benefit from being sacrificed.

TRAVIS: First wisdom save. Goddamn, the fucking-- 17?

SAM: That's my DC.

MATT: First attack, you get through.

SAM: Where are you?

MATT: He moved right under here.

TALIESIN: He's right under you.

SAM: But I'm over the acid!

MARISHA: If you land in the acid, dude--

LAURA: If he knocks you off your broom?

TRAVIS: It's a 37 to hit.

LAURA: Did he get knocked off his broom? He doesn't have the same things that I have.

TRAVIS: 24 on the first hit, for damage.

TALIESIN: I don't think we ever built a safety net into his broom.

MATT: No, but he's not being knocked-- if it was an attack that pushed or did anything to affect his movement or yank him, then it would become an issue. Just doing damage won't do anything.

TRAVIS: Oh, 26?

MATT: The same things that would knock him off the broom would knock you off the broom. It would just mean the broom stays attached to you.

TRAVIS: 22. Natural 19. Son of a bitch. A million.

SAM: Sure.

MARISHA: I love that he's getting so cranky about rolling natural 19s.

TRAVIS: 19 points of damage. I mean, after six rolls, you'd hope so.

MATT: You made a save on each of those rolls?

TRAVIS: I am so sorry. I thought after I got through the first one it just dispelled it.

MATT: Nope!

TRAVIS: The first one was a 24, I think?

MATT: Yes.

TRAVIS: So you need to erase--

MATT: Well, you have to roll saves for the next two.

TRAVIS: Oh, okay. I probably won't get through him, though. 15?

SAM: Nope.

TRAVIS: 15.

MATT: All right, so the last two attacks do no damage.

SAM: I live to see another day.

TRAVIS: I'm sorry. I thought it dispelled it.

MARISHA: Or 15 more seconds.

SAM: Jesus Christ. I know that he takes acid damage, right?

MATT: Yes. He doesn't appear to be resistant to acid damage.

SAM: Okay, then I will throw acid at him. In the face!

MATT: Two-Face style.

SAM: Yeah, the acid drop. It's a dex save.

MATT: It's a dex save on you, Grog, to try and avoid it.

TRAVIS: 15?

MATT: What's your DC?

SAM: 17.

MATT: No. Full damage on this.

LAURA: Oh shit!

SAM: This could be it. Oh, this is it. Well, maybe. 29.

TRAVIS: Oh, 29 points of damage?

MATT: Acid damage, yeah. Roll a constitution.

TRAVIS: With the plus two to constitution from the card.

MATT: Well, plus one. The modifier gives you a plus one. The DC is 15 this time.

TRAVIS: 24.

MATT: Okay. He stays up at one hit point.

SAM: (screams) He's insane!

MARISHA: He's undead!

MATT: The DC's going to be 20, next time that happens. You still have your movement.

SAM: I'm going to go 50 feet anywhere. To the top of that tower over there, I guess.

MATT: Over here?

SAM: Yeah. Can I get there? Or as far away from him as I can get.

MATT: You can get... all the way over here.

SAM: I'm going to get lightninged, but that's okay. I'll take it.

MATT: It's better than a Grogning. All right, that ends your turn.

TRAVIS: You're on top of the fucking tower?

MATT: Top of the round, the braziers all (explosion noise) in the distance. No effect. Grog, your turn.

TRAVIS: May I leap over the acid pit with the Boots of Feral Leaping, knowing I might fall in. No, I'm in there. 23. Where are you going, chicken? With my 50 feet of speed-- is there a chain hanging from the front of it?

MATT: Yeah, right there.

TRAVIS: Can I climb that with 50 feet of speed? Probably not.

MATT: You can climb it. We'll see how far you can get.

TRAVIS: No. I'm going to run into the tower and start running up the stairs.

MATT: You'll get partway into the first floor on your 50. Are you going to dash to try and do the rest?

TRAVIS: Yes, if it will get me to the top.

MATT: It won't get you all the way to the top, no.

TRAVIS: Okay, that's fine. I'll dash.

MATT: Okay, you'll get-- with your dash, into the third floor, almost to the hatch. So you're up in the third floor right now. Tary?

SAM: (giggles) I casually walk down the stairs.

MATT: You come to the hatch, and Grog rushes up into the third floor there. As you come down in the hatch.

TRAVIS: I have a request. With your hands. Please.

SAM: With my hands?

TRAVIS: Yes.

LAURA: Don't.

TRAVIS: I'm a simple man.

SAM: All right. I can do that. (laughing) I can't do that. You're so powerful. I'll probably miss!

TRAVIS: You got it, man.

SAM: If I miss, then I'm trapped in a room with him!

TRAVIS: I've got one hit point.

SAM: But I could miss.

LAURA: Kill him, Tary!

TRAVIS: This is your chance to claim your bravery for your house.

SAM: Greatsword!

MARISHA: You're getting him with a greatsword?

SAM: That's what I've got. Greatsword.

MATT: Your rod turns into a greatsword.

TRAVIS: (laughing) The fucking thing.

SAM: I'll do this crazy around and around thing and try to do that with the greatsword. Oh, and can I set it on fire, first?

MATT: Yes, you can.

TRAVIS: Oh, good. Yeah.

SAM: What am I rolling? What was that? 12 plus eight plus two magic. That's 22.

MATT: Hits. Roll damage.

SAM: Three.

MATT: Grog, make a constitution--

SAM: Oh, it's 2d6. Four.

(laughter)

MATT: Roll a constitution saving throw. DC 20.

TRAVIS: That's a natural 19.

MARISHA: Oh my god, he's still fucking alive!

SAM: What happened?!

TRAVIS: Natural 19.

SAM: (screams)

TRAVIS: And I'd like to take my retaliation strike.

TALIESIN: Yeah!

SAM: I still have movement.

MATT: You do, after this. Retaliation is an immediate reaction.

SAM: I get a disengage. Didn't we go over this? I did a melee weapon attack. Don't I get a disengage for free?

MATT: As your feat, you mean?

SAM: Yes! My Mobile feat.

MATT: Right, but this isn't him getting a free attack from you moving away. One of his barbarian abilities is if someone hits him with a melee attack, he can immediately attack.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: He goaded you right into doing what he wanted.

TALIESIN: Oh my god.

TRAVIS: How many hit points do you have?

SAM: Enough.

TRAVIS: Oh, okay.

MATT: Make your attack, Grog.

TRAVIS: Reckless. Come on, natural 20. No. 27.

SAM: To hit? Sure.

TRAVIS: 25 points of damage.

SAM: That hurts.

TRAVIS: But not enough.

SAM: It hurts you, because I have a Shield of Fire that burns anybody who attacks me with a melee attack. With 2d8 cold damage.

TRAVIS: This fucking magic is too much for this barbarian. I mean, goddamn. People are turning into flames, dragons, running around in a fucking hamster ball, setting me on fucking cold damage...

MATT: Roll some cold damage.

SAM: Two. Nine.

MATT: Make another constitution check with a DC 25, Grog.

MARISHA: DC 25!

LAURA: He has to roll a natural 20 in order to get this. No. He has to roll a 19.

SAM: He gets two rolls.

TRAVIS: I have plus 12 as the modifier to the roll. My constitution is plus 12.

LAURA: Oh, a saving throw? Oh shit.

TRAVIS: So I have to roll-- what's the math on that?

MATT: It's a 25.

TRAVIS: 17 or higher?

LAURA: It's not even that much. It's a 13 or higher.

MARISHA: He's going to make it.

TRAVIS: Seven.

MATT: Taryon, how do you want to do this?

SAM: I want him to hit the blazing TD on my chest and have the might of my name ricochet back with the power of energy. The Darrington name strikes him down.

MATT: The cold shatters you, and you feel the ribcage break like brittle glass on the inside of your chest from the blast backward. You fall to your knees, unable to move a muscle. You can feel the life barely beating through. Your body is heaving with each heartbeat pulse. He's prostrate before you, Taryon, as you approach.

SAM: I say, Doty, take this down. I win. And I kick him over.

MATT: As you hit the ground, as the last of the cold damage has curled over your body and freezes you solid, you (shattering) shatter into thousands of small, frozen pieces. The last T2 reference of the night, yep. As Taryon Darrington stands victor of this round. As you stand there, breathing heavily, suddenly the stone top of the tower cracks open, like it's being pulled apart by giant, invisible hands. And there you see, descending from above, a gentleman in a large, dark cloak and a magnificent beard, and a glorious, well-kept mane of hair. He lands. "Let this blessing of "Colville carry you into any dimension." He touches your forehead and you feel the fates reach into you and plant you with a seed of possibility. And then with that, a flash is gone. You awaken in your bed. Cold sweat. The next morning after you went to sleep. You're not as powerful as you felt before. That was a crazy dream. But you look down and you see this slight glow of white light across your sternum from underneath your silk pajamas, and then it fades, and you feel like something from that dream is holding on. And that's where we're going to end our game tonight.

(cheering)

TRAVIS: You got your fate dice.

LAURA: Oh my god. And your parents are named after Tony Stark's parents. How crazy is that?

SAM: Oh, wait. They are?

TRAVIS: How many hit points did you have left?

SAM: I still had 30 or something.

TALIESIN: He had 25.

MATT: I'm curious. Where were you going to try and Plane Shift Grog?

MARISHA: Water Plane. Water dimension. You would have just drowned.

TALIESIN: Solid.

MARISHA: I didn't know your charisma was-- I thought you had zero.

TRAVIS: It's plus one.

MARISHA: All he had to roll was an 18 or lower. Anything else.

TRAVIS: That's why I was like, ugh, it's a 19.

LAURA: Oh man. That was awesome.

MATT: That was a great battle, guys.

TRAVIS: That was a great map! That map was amazing.

MATT: I'm glad you guys had fun. I was hoping it would be fun.

TRAVIS: The three different varying--

SAM: It was like a paintball field.

MATT: That's what I wanted to make it feel like. Little bunker areas.

LAURA: You did have places that people that were flying could hide.

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: If we had tried to hit one of the spires that created electricity, would that have ended that?

MATT: Here? You could have destroyed it. Hitting it would have done damage to it, but it would have prevented that from going off in that area.

SAM: Were all the trunks the same thing?

MATT: Yeah, each trunk had one healing potion. It was whoever got there first.

TALIESIN: And there was one trunk left?

MATT: One trunk left that nobody went to.

TRAVIS: Which one?

MARISHA: The one that I was in for a lot of the time.

TALIESIN: I kept thinking about telling you.

TRAVIS: Oh, really? The one down here in the lower left?

TALIESIN: Yeah, bottom left.

MARISHA: It was the one I was camping out in.

TALIESIN: But it wasn't my turn, so I didn't say anything.

MARISHA: I almost thought about taking it just so no one else could have it, but never got to it.

MATT: Well done, guys.

TALIESIN: (giggles) That was nuts.

MATT: Oh man. Well, when this campaign arc's over and we have everybody available, hopefully, we'll probably have one final battle royale with everyone max level, with Vax, with Pike, and see who comes through on that one. And whatever gift boon I decide for that one, if it's similar or the same, will probably carry over to the next campaign for their first new characters. Should be fun.

MARISHA: Level 20 Keyleth is nasty. I get unlimited Shapechange.

TRAVIS: What do you mean, is nasty? You are nasty! You were like the fucking Conclave. Jesus. The only thing you didn't turn into was a giant.

MARISHA: I thought I was going to take the light down.

MATT: You had a 90% chance of just disappearing and drowning.

MARISHA: Yeah. I thought that's what he was going to fucking do. I can't believe that.

TRAVIS: That's true, yeah.

MARISHA: You would have bamfed, and then it would have been down to Tary and I.

LAURA: I had no idea you could break out of my fucking necklace!

MATT: Nobody tried.

TALIESIN: There's so many ways that you could have died tonight.

MARISHA: Yeah, you could have died 80 times.

TALIESIN: If that glove had worked, I would have had an action surge and five shots to the head.

MATT: It's the balance to the necklace so you can't just imprison the main big bad guy of something and be like, "Oh, that's over because he rolled poor." It will help for a while, but if he stays in there for a long time and he's intelligent, he'll eventually find a way out. It's an imperfect prison.

TALIESIN: It's a wicker basket.

TRAVIS: And the Deck, yet again, didn't harm me.

LAURA: Well, you don't know that because it was all a dream in Tary's fucking head.

MARISHA: You pulling that knight probably changed things because he did just enough damage to me to make it a pain in the ass.

TALIESIN: That plus two to modifier? There's a lot.

SAM: The cards were amazing!

MATT: I'm going to hold onto those, if that's okay. I want to use those from now on. Oh, that was so much fun.

TALIESIN: Came in the mail a little while ago.

TRAVIS: Taryon Darrington, champion of the battle royale.

MATT: Two clerics and an artificer are our reigning champions in the battles, guys.

MARISHA: Two clerics?

TRAVIS: Kashaw won the first.

MATT: Then Pike.

MARISHA: That's right, Kash. And I was the runner-up with Pike, too! Goddamn it.

MATT: And then Pike pushed your face into lava.

MARISHA: I wasn't the runner-up tonight.

TALIESIN: I went down hard, man.

LAURA: You did go down hard.

MATT: Oh, Percy.

SAM: You got hammered to death so soon.

TALIESIN: Again, if the glove had worked, it would have been amazing. That would have been an ugly, terrible death for Grog.

MATT: You had some bad rolls. You, more so than anybody in this party-- maybe Grog, but Grog had to still get there-- you, with an action surge and some good rolls, you can pretty much take down almost any member in one round.

TALIESIN: With good rolls.

MATT: With good rolls.

MARISHA: You jammed all of your guns. I can't believe you jammed all of your guns.

TALIESIN: Not only that, but the gun that does damage when it jams jammed twice.

LAURA: All of your war paint is gone.

MARISHA: How did you do that?

SAM: Oh my god, it's gone. Did you go wash your face?

LAURA: No, he's just been wiping his face the whole night. It's all over his hands, probably.

TALIESIN: Show us your hands.

LAURA: No, don't.

SAM: Your sheets tonight are going to be nasty.

TALIESIN: You're going to be hard to see in the forest.

MATT: Well done, guys. Thank you guys for playing. Hope you guys enjoyed watching. We'll see you guys next week to pick up the next leg of the adventure, as we left off right as you were exiting the platinum mines with the swarm of ankhegs below you. We'll pick up from there next week. We'll have Jon Heder as a guest, which I got to coordinate with him to get his story stuff figured out. We'll talk. And the week after that will be our 100th episode. That's fucking crazy!

LAURA: I mean, how?

SAM: Well, some of them weren't that good. So really only 60.

TALIESIN: I think 20th episode, really.

MATT: There's a lot of people who went, "yeah." And I don't blame you! But we're having fun. That's what matters. So looking forward to that. We should have some fun surprises on the 100th episode. We're excited about that. Anyway, much love to you guys. Have a wonderful night, and is it Thursday yet? See you soon.

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