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List of Transcripts

Pre-ShowEdit

MATT: Welcome to Critical Role! Tonight, we return from last week’s rather tense cliffhanger of a game. Really excited to get that underway. But for those who this is your first time watching, this is a show where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors play Dungeons and Dragons. We roll dice, and it’s fun. So yeah, we’re excited to have you. Let’s take it off with some announcements at the top of the show for everyone. First and foremost, we have under an hour until the sale for the temporary special edition #IsItThursdayYet shirts are no longer available. We’re pushing in the mid-900s, and see if we can hit a thousand before the hour is up, guys. So if you haven’t got one and you’re interested, we’ll have information in the chat for it. That’s our hashtag Is It Thursday Yet shirts soon will be gone forever. So grab one if you want. Also, this marks the anniversary of Team Hoomanism. You guys have been amazing since the beginning of the whole community, through Felicia and starting the whole stream thing. It’s been amazing to watch this whole community come together, and part of that celebration for today is go out there and tweet hashtag– What’s the hashtag on this one, Luke?

LUKE: Hoomanism.

MATT: Look at that. #Hoomanism. That’s pretty easy to remember if you’re not me. Write a story about a good deed you did this week. Something that you felt really good about, that you brought a little more joy and positivity to the world around you, or saw somebody else do. Just go ahead and tweet with that hashtag, and at some point during tonight’s show we’re going to be giving away one of our Critical Role shirts that I’m modeling for you, strangely, accidentally for this, but I figure now you know what it looks like on a relatively unfit male.

TALIESIN: Bear not included.

MATT: Bear not included, for now. So go ahead and guys, take a look at that, go ahead and put some positive vibes out there in the twittersphere about what you’ve experienced this year or done this week, and see if you can get yourself a shirt. I think it will be a lot of fun. Also, wanted to remind everyone that we will be at New York Comic Con, which will be October 10th and 11th. We’ll be doing some cool events on Saturday as Critical Role, doing some signings, and we’re trying to see what logistics we can do to have an opportunity to see some of you guys who weren’t able to get passes. We’ll have more information coming up soon, hopefully. Because we’d love to be able to see you guys who couldn’t make it in the actual convention. We’ll figure something out. So keep your eye on the Internet as things progress. Also, let’s see. Liam, if you want to go ahead?

LIAM: Yeah I just wanted to, I talked about this last week. I’ll probably talk about it next week, but I wanted to encourage you guys if you haven’t already to go over to Joe Madureira’s Kickstarter for their Battle Chasers game, Battle Chasers: Nightwar. Joe’s a friend of mine; he’s a comic book legend, and is also a game developer and artist, and I’m just a big fan, and so they’re a friend of the show, a lot of us here are in love with Joe– physically, not his art, just him himself. He’s a handsome man.

LAURA: He’s got a hashtag thing going. Right. Now. So #BattleChasers, too, that’s an awesome thing.

LIAM: And they, they, hit their goal almost immediately. They’re just now making the game that is going to be shinier because they’re climbing higher. But just go take a look, his art style is unmatched, and the game is based, is an RPG based in the JRPGs of our youth, and it’s going to be great. Go take a look.

MATT: Yeah. Thank you, Liam. Also, while our esteemed Ashley Johnson has been away for some time, and our cleric has been missing, she’s been doing cool stuff in New York, filming for the new show Blindspot. Which just aired earlier this week. So for those of you who want to catch our awesome gnome cleric on the fancy big screen you can go ahead and check out Blindspot, that airs Monday nights on–

LAURA: NBC. At I think ten our time?

MATT: Probably. I should know this by how much they’ve been promoting it everywhere. You can’t avoid the posters, so I should know. So yeah, check that out. We’re hoping that maybe she manages to scoot some Critical Role references or memorabilia onto the screen sometime. Fingers crossed. Also, we’re going to have at the intermission today a really cool video that is a presentation of when we visited and delivered the esteemed check donation to 826LA that you guys made possible. We’ll have that shown at the break today. It will give you a really clear idea of the charity 826LA, what it looks like, the people that are there, and a lot of the kids that are involved, and what you’ve helped continue to promote and help grow. So look forward to that at the break. It’s going to be good. Does anyone have anything else they want to announce?

ORION: I have two quick announcements. Hello, everyone. Greetings and salutations. My first announcement is that I will be sitting on Zac’s face this whole game. I have found the pillow.

MARISHA: I’m sitting on his unicorn stomach.

TALIESIN: I’ve got the feet.

LAURA: Oh, is that what you’ve got?

MATT: I couldn’t tell if he was blushing before or after you revealed you were sitting on his face. It’s hard to tell.

ORION: I think it’s after.

MATT: Yeah, probably. He’s pretty cute.

ORION: I know this is because I farted already. And everybody check out my Twitch channel with my name.

MATT: There you go. All righty. We’re waiting on our esteemed gnome bard to arrive, due to traffic, and when he does, we have a little present for him, which we will reveal when he arrives. But in the meantime, let’s go ahead and kick things off for tonight’s episode of Critical Role.

TALIESIN: I’m not ready!

[dramatic music]

Part IEdit

MATT: And welcome back.

(laughter)

MATT: Oh, it is a well-oiled machine, Critical Role.

TALIESIN: We all trade seats and then come back really quickly.

MATT: It’s pretty good. We started doing burpees in between. No, I mean, we just burp.

LAURA: Basically, just burp a lot.

LIAM: Hey, the gnome is at the door. Can someone let the gnome in?

MATT: Bring in the gnome!

TRAVIS: Do you desire a gnome, sire?

MATT: I would like the gnome brought before me.

TRAVIS: Bring the king a gnome! Make sure he is of foul mouth and many a song.

LIAM: Oh, fetching the gnome!

TRAVIS: I assure you, sire, this gnome has many songs, a very tiny instrument, and–

TALIESIN: I feel so dirty sitting on this pillow. So comfy.

ORION: I like it.

LAURA: Does somebody have an extra pencil?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

LAURA: All I have is this broken one from Grog.

TRAVIS: In solidarity.

MATT: I appreciate that you brought it back.

TRAVIS: Nothing’s changed.

MATT: No, it’s a reminder. Yay!

(cheering)

TRAVIS: Sam, buddy! You made it.

SAM: Oh my gosh. Okay, I’d like to plug a few things. No.

MATT: However, we do have a present for you. Because there have been periods of time in which you’ve complained about not having a proper stein or mug to match the rest of the group, we figure–

SAM: I’ve got a Google one.

MATT: Google one works fine. But thanks to some of our wondrous, illustrious campmates we were with at Burning Man, they gifted this unto us to gift unto you, as we felt it was fitting and size-appropriate.

SAM: Oh, yes! Yes, it makes me look cute!

(laughter)

LIAM: You have to measure that out in a regular cup first, and then pour it in.

TRAVIS: You could pour two whole drinks in there, and it would be half an inch of liquid.

SAM: Wow, this thing’s amazing!

MARISHA: So thanks, post-nuclear family.

MATT: Well done.

TRAVIS: (laughter) That is amazing.

SAM: It’s a hotel ice thing.

MARISHA: Yeah, it’s technically an ice bucket.

SAM: I want to fill it up right now.

LAURA: It’s hiding your face.

MATT: All righty, so to get caught up on what has transpired: the party, after traveling abroad in the distant city of Vasselheim and the surrounding lands, eventually returned to Emon, their central hub city where they had their Greyskull Keep constructed, to relax and take in a brief moment of respite before learning that the Briarwoods, two individuals responsible for much darkness and sadness in the history of Percy, were coming to court in a week to feast and talk with Sovereign Uriel Tal'Dorei. What are you doing?

TRAVIS: Lock it up! Jeez.

SAM: I poured a whole glass in there and it looks like nothing!

MATT: You got to keep pouring. Upon hearing of the Briarwoods’ arrival within a week to discuss political matters and enjoy a feast, of course the members of Vox Machina, who are part of the council in Tal'Dorei were invited. Within that week, they made their various preparations, made the various beard checks, made the various beard shavings. It happened! And made their way to the central palace at the Cloudtop District of Emon. The Briarwoods arrived, a feast was put out. However, Percy went in under an illusion to look like Vax over here, while Vax went invisible. Everyone had formal attire on, weapons left at the door, unarmored, dressed for the occasion.

SAM: Is that true, no armor?

MATT: Yeah, you guys were all dressed in formal attire.

TRAVIS: We don’t even have any weapons.

SAM: Do I need to subtract things from–?

TRAVIS: The recap makes it so much better. Just lay it out.

MATT: So your weapons are at the door. They’re not on you at the moment.

LAURA: They’re at the door? We left them at the door?

MATT: Yeah, as part of the check-in process.

LIAM: Question, mine are on me, right?

MATT: Yeah. Because you went invisible and you were under the approval of Seeker Asum.

LIAM: You just increased my chances by 2%. Thank you.

LAURA: And Percy, your weapons are still on you because you already had an illusion on you, right?

MATT: Correct. The List is on him, his Pepperbox. Bad News would be a bit difficult for you to bring in here.

TALIESIN: Diplomacy would work out well, though.

MATT: Yeah, I think so. During the feast, conversations were had, questions were raised and information was extracted. Seeker Asum had requested to have been met in the foyer by our rogue here, who forgot and then decided to go on his own upstairs following the Briarwoods to the second floor where their guest room was set. He distracted one of the guards with his serpent belt, knocked out the other, entered the room and found himself face to face with the Briarwoods themselves.

LIAM: That did not lead to further hallway, in fact that just led to a bedroom. It ended right there.

MATT: Yeah. It went right into their guest room. So after a brief discussion, a little bit of awkwardness, you attempted to leave, but were placed in a holding pattern by a Hold Person spell, and had the two Briarwoods come up to you, whisper in your ear that you had nothing to worry about, you look delicious.

SAM: Yeah, there’s nothing to worry about.

LIAM: They’re kind of hot.

LAURA: Right? I mean, they are hot, right? So at least there’s that.

TRAVIS: What are we doing while this is happening?

MATT: You guys are just now leaving the feast hall at this period of time.

ORION: Where are we entering to?

MATT: A large foyer area. There’s the main foyer of the palace that splits off to two smaller meeting chambers and the chamber to the right is what leads to the Grand Hall. That’s where you guys were feasting. So you’re making your way into this–

TALIESIN: Hasum?

MATT: Asum? Seeker Asum, yes.

TALIESIN: Seeker Asum. Is he around? Do we see him anywhere?

MATT: No.

SAM: Tell me this, DM. When my Invisibility spell is broken, am I alerted? Do I know that? Do I sense it?

MATT: The spell itself would dissipate, as it is a concentration spell. It would be a, oh, spell’s gone. However, before we get to you guys. We have more immediate business to attend to.

LIAM: Let’s play, Matt. Let’s play.

MATT: Vax. Your muscles lock in place, sweat beginning to bead down the front of your forehead. The realization of the immediate danger you put yourself in washing over you. You can see across the way, in the dark candlelit area of the room by the canopy bed, is Lady Delilah Briarwood, hand still out, smiling at you. Immediately to your left shoulder is Lord Sylas Briarwood, who has leaned in. He’s actually pulling you away from the door now. You’re skidding across the ground (dragging sound) as he shifts you, your legs unable to actually move. As he pulls you forward, the Lord whispers in your ear, “You are a curious one, though not quite gifted with the silver tongue. Foolhardiness is not becoming of a guest of the Briarwoods.” For a moment, there’s this pause, this tension, the silence, and Delilah, Lady Briarwood, puts her hand out further and says, “Yet, my love, we are not here to make enemies, nor raise suspicion. We are merely protecting ourselves from intrusion. Isn’t that right?” As she looks at you, and looks immediately to your right, where you can feel the general presence of Lord Briarwood. I need you to go ahead and make another wisdom saving throw.

SAM: First roll. Not an unimportant one.

ORION: Not at all.

SAM: First roll of the night. Could kill Liam.

LAURA: No. That’s good!

LIAM: That’s 18.

TRAVIS: What was that? How much?

LIAM: I’m frozen!

LAURA: 18, he said.

MATT: You feel your muscles lax, and the sweat that is still brimming across your face you feel for the first time in these moments that seem to stretch on forever. You have control of your body, though you do feel the hand of Lord Briarwood right on your shoulder, who, as you become conscious of the fact that you are in control of your physical form, his voice comes very heavily, the bass kicking into your left ear. “Indeed. We do require allies. I would have you prove friendship.” And as he takes and moves the shoulder away, you find your torso moving towards him. You lock eyes with him, and he has this knowing grin, his lids taut slightly with this condescending sense of knowing. I need you to go ahead and make another wisdom saving throw. This is technically a charm effect, and you being a half-elf, you do, I believe, get advantage on those.

LIAM: That is a 21.

MATT: 21. You feel an extension of the sheer unnatural force of charisma that attempts to penetrate beyond the usual slippery mind that Vax holds to such a high esteem… However, you manage to resist it and feel it wash over you as the slight tingling vanishes and the effect has left you unaffected by whatever he was attempting to try.

SAM: Ooh. What was he trying? Who knows?

MATT: There’s a brief moment as he looks you over.

LIAM: What do you need?

MARISHA: Yes. That’s so smart.

MATT: “There now. Be a good boy.” Looks over. I need you to make a deception check.

LIAM: Deception check. Okay, I’m using Luck to go again.

MATT: Now you used a couple Luck points last time.

LIAM: Yeah, I used one. I did a lot last game, but we were over multiple days. I used one this day. I’m about to use my second. (gagging noise) Okay, this is deception?

MATT: Deception, yes.

LIAM: Ooh, that’s not as great. That’s a 15.

MATT: 15, okay. Gives you a look. “Very well. Apparently, the help was not very helpful.” At which point, you hear this fast knock at the door, and you hear a voice go, “Are you all right? Is everyone all right?” Behind the door. At which point, Lady Briarwood just does this with her finger, and the door swings open (creak) on its own. The guard that ran after your belt is standing there holding the groggy, just slightly coming to second guard that you knocked out, and as he pulls him towards the door, he looks over and sees this, and he goes, drops him, and goes for his weapon, and Lord Briarwood puts his hand up, and goes, “Do not worry. We’re just having a conversation. Close the door. And get him up.” “Yes, not a worry sir.” And he closes the door, and you hear the scuffling behind the wood of him, adjusting and waking up the guard who you had clobbered in the side of the head, getting him to consciousness. So they’re both just looking you over. Lord Briarwood’s just walking back and forth, keeping a very keen eye. He walks between you and the door. As you stand there. Almost like he’s waiting for a reaction of some kind, for you to initiate something.

LIAM: Thank you so much. Thank you so much! What can I do to help? I’m pretty meager a servant, but anything you need, whatever you need! Gosh, you guys are good-looking.

(laughter)

LIAM: It isn’t that, is it?

MATT: You hear a throaty chuckle from Lady Briarwood across the way. (chuckles) “No, but what do you think, my love?” Lord Briarwood comes up from behind, his hands on the back of your shoulder, and says, “Like we said, you haven’t the gift of the silver tongue. But I applaud your effort.”

LIAM: Well, my mom and dad said I’m a real good speaker. They paid for a tutor? To teach me how to talk. And it’s worked out really well for me in my life. So if you need an ambassador, or a butler who talks? I could do that for you.

MATT: Lady Briarwood at this point steps a couple steps closer. She’s still about 15 feet from you. He’s right behind you. Right between you and the door. She steps forward and looks over at her husband again, and goes, “What do you think? Can we trust him?” And Lord Briarwood leans forward, and you can feel his chin peeking into your peripheral vision. “I’m afraid not. It seems–”

LIAM: Well, here’s the thing you need to know about Uriel. And I take a step back.

MATT: Into him?

LIAM: No! Away.

MATT: He’s between you and the door.

LIAM: Well, does he hold me if I turn? Well, I just said that, right? Here’s the thing about Uriel.

MATT: As you go to move away, his arms that are on your shoulder, tighten, flex, and hold you in place.

LIAM: Oh, you don’t want to know? Okay, I’ll just save that for later.

SAM: Roll for coy.

LIAM: Roll for what, Matt?

MATT: Since I don’t know what you’re going to say, I’m going to say persuasion for this. Because I don’t know if it’s a deception or not.

TRAVIS: Is the power out of the DM’s hands for a moment?

LIAM: Oh, I’m going to use my last Luck of the day!

TRAVIS: The last one?

LIAM: Last Luck of the day.

LAURA: Oh my god.

LIAM: Okay, this is persuasion? That’s 17.

TRAVIS: That was a big die.

LIAM: You could give me a– never mind.

MATT: You want an inspiration?

LIAM: Huh? No.

MATT: (laughs) What are you asking for? What are you begging from the DM?

LIAM: Yeah, no, that’s why I said never mind.

TRAVIS: Is it begging or is it praying, at this point?

MATT: No, I’ll give inspiration when you’ve goddamn earned it. As you say that looking at them with this coy look of information about Uriel, they both chuckle in unison. (chuckles) “Shall we?” And she gives a nod and goes, “I think we shall.”

LIAM: Can I roll for initiative?

MATT: We’re now rolling for initiative.

MARISHA: Fuck!

TRAVIS: Does he have an earring?

LIAM: Yes.

MATT: So. Here you are, right there. Lord Briarwood is behind you. Lady Briarwood is over here by the edge of the bed. These are the two windows, this is the layout of the room here. As far as you are aware, there are two guards outside the door, currently.

LIAM: My initiative can only be described as fecal.

MATT: Oh no.

LAURA: It wasn’t a one.

LIAM: Wasn’t a one.

MATT: One adjacent, is what you’re telling me.

LIAM: Six, it was six. It comes close.

ORION: I thought you were out of there, man.

MATT: All right. So. For this, Delilah steps forward, and you can see there’s a slight flash of bluish-purple arcane energy in her eyes and her fingers, coalesce around, as she does, she draws her fingers up and you feel this sudden cold pressure around your body. I need to pull out my spells. I don’t know what I’m doing here.

LIAM: Should I check my iPhone, too?

LAURA: He’s pulling up his spells.

TALIESIN: He hasn’t had time to memorize all the ways he’s going to fuck with you. There are that many ways.

MATT: All right, so I need you to go ahead and make a constitution saving throw, Vax.

LIAM: 19.

MATT: 19. All right. So as she does this you feel all the flesh on your torso and around the neck part of your body all of a sudden begin to dry and crack as if your life force itself is beginning to wither and be drawn out. It’s the equivalent of a plant drying out and dying very fast, but it’s your flesh instead. You go ahead and take–

MARISHA: Sounds like Blight or something.

MATT: You take 21 points of necrotic damage, and she’s going to go ahead and step this way. After that she backs up and grabs the edge of the post at the side of the bed and looks at you with this grin. At that point as you tense from the pain, Sylas immediately whips to one side and with an unarmed claw attack, a giant fist is going to hit you on the side of your torso. That is going to be a 21 to hit.

LIAM: That hits.

MATT: All right. You take eight points of bludgeoning damage as his fist socks you on the inside of your chest area hitting the sternum, and you feel like a slight pain crack sound as it hits and impacts against the leather. As you pull forward, with unnatural speed (whoosh) the hands are back on your shoulder and you hear this little voice say, “Bon Appetit.” That is going to be a 25 to hit. All right. Okay, you take six points of piercing damage as suddenly you feel two extremely sharp, warm prongs jut into the side of your neck, and that same cold sensation you felt across your torso all of a sudden begins to pull from the neck, and you feel as if the very warm blood around your throat begins to drain from it. You take an additional 12 points of necrotic damage, and your maximum hit points are currently reduced by 12.

MARISHA: Oh ho! They’re sucking the life out of you.

MATT: It’s your turn.

LIAM: He’s holding me, right?

MATT: Actually, this will be part of his unarmed attack. No. He does not have you grappled, currently. He’s over the shoulders.

LIAM: Okay. As a bonus action I’m going to use rogue’s cunning action to disengage, which means nobody can swipe at me if I run, okay.

MARISHA: (whispering) Jenga!

LIAM: There’s a window. Last week, you said there was a window to the courtyard.

MATT: There are two windows on each side of the room there.

LIAM: Okay. I’m running straight at the window, and as I run– yeah, past them, and I don’t go anywhere near her, and I’m using dash, and I’m leaping out the window and saying, "Jenga."

TRAVIS: Jenga!

MATT: (window breaking) As you run past, you can see there’s this moment where it’s almost like they are letting it happen. There is no momentary aggression or frustration to this as you dart and (crashing) out the window falling from the second story. Go ahead and make an acrobatics check.

LIAM: That is a 32.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Do I even stop running?

MATT: (chuckles) You hit the ground with a tumble, and you get up and you continue to move forward. So at this point you’ve pushed into the courtyard now. You can see the cobblestone road that surrounds the outskirts of the palace. There are a few bits of light and you can see there is the carriage they came in, horses still attached, and the younger man who led them inside who was driving the coach is napping on the front, who is now looking over, spooked, at the sound of shattering glass as it clatters onto the ground around you. And that ends your turn. Everyone else, you hear jenga whispered through those of you who have the earrings on.

SAM: He’s in trouble! Let’s go!

MARISHA: What’s going on?

TALIESIN: Now we hear shattering glass, don’t we?

MATT: Not from this part of the palace. You’re too far away.

LAURA: I start running towards the door to grab weapons. And I’m saying into my ear, where are you? What’s going on?

SAM: I’m by the bartender saying, I ordered a large. Please, can I have a slightly larger one please? What? Oh! Oh shit!

MARISHA: I’m going to go eagle, and I start scouting the halls looking for him.

TALIESIN: I’m running with them towards the doors

LIAM: I don’t know. Am I able to talk further?

MATT: That’s about as much as you got out this combat round because it was a very quick series. It took all your effort to even get out of that situation.

TRAVIS: She and I are booking it for the door.

MATT: So you guys go forward. You run towards the front and the weapons are being held in this storage area off to the side that is used for storing weaponry and armor for people who arrive and shouldn’t be wearing them in very social events. So you guys head that way. You’re getting a big drink.

MARISHA: I’m heading to wherever I saw the Briarwoods taking off whenever they were leaving.

TALIESIN: Actually, did you turn into an eagle? Can you carry me?

MARISHA: No, you’re big. I can take the gnomes.

TALIESIN: That’s fine; I need to get my gun anyway.

MATT: You burst through the hall and head up the way. As you do, you can see some of the other servants glance around, suddenly.

MARISHA: I poop on one of them as I go over.

MATT: As you you’re gliding up the staircase and onto the second floor, there are two servants. One darts out of the way.

MARISHA: It’s one of the Briarwoods’ servants, right? Oh, no. I want to save it for if I fly over one of the Briarwoods. Never mind. It’s fine.

MATT: We’ll let it go. So as you coast up, releasing your avian payload on the stairs, you can see, looking jarred and confused, a human woman, brown hair, freckles, mousy-looking servant looks up and reaches up as you spatter the side of her shoulder.

MARISHA: (caws) That’s me saying sorry.

ORION: I see what’s going on. You’re flying? I cast Fly on myself. I follow suit behind her, and as I’m passing by the person she shat on, I cast Prestidigitation on her. Sorry about that!

MATT: Okay, the Keyleth spatter vanishes through arcane means. However, the servant begins to give chase up the stairs after you guys. Not angrily, just following to see where the action is going. All right, you head over to meet up with them to grab your weaponry. Although your weapon was probably on you.

TALIESIN: Bad News.

MATT: So you go ahead and grab Bad News and pull it off the side. That’s your guys’ action now, so as you are out front, Lady Briarwood is going to right at the window. Looks down for a second, and I need you to make another wisdom saving throw.

LIAM: That’s a 13.

MATT: 13? So as you get up and you say jenga. A familiar feel comes over you as your muscles once again lock into place and you fall over from the momentum of the run, going face-down into the cold, dew-covered grass in this courtyard area, unable to move.

LIAM: (muffled) Fucking bitch!

MATT: In a similar dash fashion and leaping out of the broken window that you left, Lord Briarwood (impact) onto the ground next to you. Three-point landing, stands up over you with this grin. That will be his turn though. At this point in time, one of the bookcases– you hear this sound real fast, this sound of wood being slammed open, and a surprised noise. That’s all you hear from your perspective in the distance. All right, so as you guys get your weapons you begin going where?

LAURA: I guess running towards the Briarwoods’ room.

MATT: Where you saw them leave? You head up the stairway, following behind where you saw Keyleth and Tiberius rush off to. Are you following the rest of them?

SAM: Yeah. I put my mug down and I start little leg waddling towards them. As I go, I’m going to send a message. I use Message to– who’s the guy who likes us?

LIAM: My name is Vax.

SAM: No, not him. Sylas? No, not Sylas! Seeker Asum?

MATT: Seeker Asum, with Message? I believe the person has to be within visual range. Wait, no. You can cast through solid objects if you’re familiar with the target and nobody on the barrier. It’s 120 foot, though. You don’t know how far he is. You could give it a shot.

SAM: Okay, I say, something’s gone awry. We may need you right away.

MATT: The message is delivered out into the space. Hopefully, it found its recipient.

LAURA: As I’m running towards the Briarwoods’ room, I start shouting Uriel! and grab a servant and say, go find Uriel. Tell him there’s enemies within the gates, in the castle. Now!

MATT: “Yes, Lady Vex. Right away.” Runs off. You guys coast up the stairs. Right as you reach the top of the hallway over here, you can see there are two guards that are currently standing at the door.

TRAVIS: I stay at the front door.

MARISHA: Is the door open?

MATT: The door is currently closed, but you’re in eagle form, so you’re going to be doing like eagles do. I’ll say, you’re about there because you were a little bit ahead of them. Those are the two guards right there. At this point now, as this is happening, I need you guys to go ahead and roll initiative.

MARISHA: That’s okay. Thanks, Percy. Ten.

ORION: 17.

MATT: And Keyleth? Keyleth, you got ten, you said?

MARISHA: Yes.

MATT: Okay, so after that current circumstance, that brings us– as they’re rushing up, you would be finishing off the last round, so you can make another wisdom check.

LIAM: I failed it.

MATT: Okay. You can just see the little bit of moonlight up in the sky. It is this ominous image of not knowing if your friends are coming, not knowing what’s happening. All you know is you cannot move your physical form, and looming over you is Lord Briarwood, standing and beginning to move in to kneel. That will end your turn. All right, that brings us to the top of the round. This will bring us to Lady Delilah, who is now going to step out of the glass, leap down, try to catch herself. And falls flat on her ass. Smacks down, (grunts). Gets herself up from the ground. Yeah, she has to use the rest of her movement getting back up from prone, at that point. She’s right there, but you see now, in the window above her, a small humanoid figure. A familiar one that was waiting for you earlier in the foyer, who apparently was hiding inside one of the dressers inside the room.

LAURA: Seeker!

MATT: He’s there. Lady Briarwood is going to take the rest of her turn. She has one action left. With this, she looks over to you and says, “When we mark a target, he does not escape, I’m afraid.” I’m going to see what this does. All right, I need you to make another constitution saving throw.

LIAM: Nine.

LAURA: Start rolling different dice!

LIAM: The universe is random and doesn’t care about you and me.

MARISHA: Life lessons by Critical Role.

SAM: Stay in school, kids.

MATT: You take 34 points of necrotic damage.

LIAM: I’m unconscious. I haven’t been knocked out in ages.

MATT: You go unconscious, then when it comes back to your next turn, you have to make a death saving throw. If you fail three–

LIAM: Right, so it’s only if it exceeds my hit point maximum that I’m killed outright, so I’m unconscious.

MATT: You are unconscious.

LIAM: Hey, guys. I’m unconscious.

MARISHA: So that means he never got his “I’m right here” message out.

MATT: Nope.

LAURA: But we know he’s in the room. That’s where we’re all heading.

MARISHA: Well, he’s not in the room. He’s in the front yard, at this point. So we are heading to the room.

LIAM: Wait. As that happens, and as my consciousness fades away, I don’t say anything, but here’s what I think in a split-second. I think of my friends that I have spent so much time with. I think of Keyleth, beautiful, walking under the trees. I think of my twin sister as a young girl, folding up linens with our mother. I think of my sister as an adolescent in lessons, smarter than me. I think of the woman she grew into. Hiking over many, many, many miles together. My best friend. My best friend, Vex'ahlia. And before I can think no more, I say a prayer to Sarenrae to watch over my friends and keep them safe.

MATT: Go ahead and make a wisdom saving throw.

LIAM: Eight.

MATT: With that thought cast out, the darkness swallows your vision and unconsciousness takes you into the cold, wet grass on the floor of the courtyard surrounding the palace. A small shiver runs down your spine, Vex: a feeling you haven’t felt before. A feeling of sudden and immediate sourceless dread, and in that instant you know that there is almost no time.

LAURA: Can I use Hunter’s Mark and sense where Lady Briarwood is at that moment?

MATT: Yeah, she is actually at this point, beyond the palace walls. You can sense and knowing the palace walls. You were expecting a second floor, it’s that direction but just outside the walls of the palace. And you guys just got your weapons.

LAURA: I take off running in that direction.

MATT: I’m going to have people who haven’t rolled initiative yet, go ahead and roll initiative so I can put you on the timing chart here. Grog?

TRAVIS: 17.

MATT: 17, nice.

SAM: 17.

MATT: 17? Look at you guys.

TALIESIN: 16.

LAURA: I hadn’t rolled, actually, for that. I hadn’t rolled initiative yet. 18.

MATT: You guys are coming up into the hallway at this point. Let’s see. All right, Vex and Grog, you rush out into the courtyard area, making your way out of the front. Some of the guards can see you dart out and they go to stop you, but they see you going where they’re going, they recognize you and let you pass. So that will be for Scanlan, Grog, and Vex'ahlia, your turn is making your way around the outside, using a full run action. You haven’t crested the outside of the palace yet. You don’t see anything, but you are starting to make your way around the corner.

LAURA: Can I use my earring during that? I tell Keyleth and Tiberius that I think they are outside the palace walls.

ORION: Copy that.

SAM: Did I hear that?

MATT: Do you have your ear pieces on? Then yeah, you would.

SAM: Then I don’t run. I Dimension Door outside of the palace wall.

MATT: Okay. Go ahead and make an intelligence check. Roll a d20 and add your intelligence modifier.

SAM: Not good. Oh, wait.

TRAVIS: Seeing how fast she’s running, I go into a rage.

SAM: Oh, wait. It says I have advantage on intelligence saving throws. This is not a saving throw. Then no, eight.

MATT: Eight? So you manage to Dimension Door–

SAM: Into an outhouse!

MATT: As opposed to being directly outside, because you haven’t seen this part of the palace, you’re not really 100% visual range; you haven’t visited this side. You end up trying to come over in this area. You end up appearing right up here inside the room, looking at the window and you can see down. Suddenly you look about this room. To the left of you is Seeker Asum, who doesn’t even notice you are there. He is currently putting away a crossbow. Looking out the glass window, you can see down with the little bit of light that’s in the courtyard. You see Lord Sylas Briarwood looming over what looks to be the currently unconscious body of Vax'ildan.

MARISHA: That’s right, it’s dark outside.

MATT: Yes, it is. Bringing us to this point now, that’s your guys’ turn. Tiberius? You’re up.

ORION: Does anyone have eyes on Vax? Anyone?!

SAM: I do! Do I?

LAURA: Yeah, you do.

SAM: I think I do.

ORION: Where are you, Scanlan?

SAM: Inside a room. I don’t know where I am. It’s a nice-looking room.

ORION: I assume you’re in their chambers. I’ll be right there. Fireball to those guys right there!

(explosion sound)

MATT: Right there? All right, go ahead and roll damage! Yeah, they did not make their saving throws.

ORION: I wanted to say real quick, right before that, I got to my decanter of water and I start charging it, and then I do Fireball.

MATT: So roll your damage on that.

ORION: How much is that?

TALIESIN: Will that also widen up the hole into that room?

MARISHA: We’ll see, I guess.

SAM: Or you could make a wall of fire.

ORION: How much is that? 35!

MATT: 35? Okay! One of them gets blasted and thrown almost off his feet and pushed back from the sheer force five foot in that direction. The one that’s this side of the doorway, who was already at one hit point, barely brought from already being knocked unconscious by Vax, you hear a scream, and is turned to ash, his charred armor left clattering across the ground.

ORION: What about the door?

MATT: Both doors are blown open from the force of the explosion. A large portion of the room is currently singed with black. What’s your fly speed?

ORION: 30 feet.

MATT: That’s as far as you can get.

ORION: Can that dude see me from where I am?

MATT: He can currently see you, yeah.

ORION: Good. I turn to him and I’m like, you better get the hell out of my way! And that’s my turn.

MATT: Okay! Make an intimidation check.

LIAM, LAURA, and TRAVIS: Yeah!

ORION: 23!

MATT: From what you can see, the helmet itself guards part of the face, but you can see from the charred, slightly angered, gritting expression on his mouth as he looks at you as you shout that, the grittiness goes away, the jaw opens slack, and takes two instinctual steps back into the hallway. Does not appear to be interested in threatening what just blew his friend into ashes.

TRAVIS: Cremated him!

MATT: From behind you, as you’re flying over you see this servant come rushing up, the female one that you saw earlier on the stairway. Rushing forward, seemingly with an intense look of what went from curiosity to now engrossed in this current circumstance. Kit, do you want to go ahead and take your place?

SAM: Wait, what’s going on? What do we see?

ORION: This is where she comes in?!

LIAM: You can sit right here!

MARISHA: Oh, I’m really sorry I pooped on you! I didn’t know I was shitting on you!

ORION: I cleaned you up. Don’t worry!

LAURA: Can I ask a question? Trinket. I didn’t say I left him at home. Did he wait outside of the palace during the formal dinner?

MATT: Trinket would not be at the dinner, per se.

LAURA: But he would have stayed outside at the palace, right?

MATT: Trinket would probably be kept somewhere near the stables, where the people can watch over your animals.

LIAM: He eats at the table with us all the time!

MATT: Not in the middle of the grand hall of the palace of Tal'Dorei, sorry.

LIAM: She taught him to sit in a chair.

MATT: As you rush in, you see this giant fireball blast through the middle of the hallway. Two of the guards are sent off to the side. There’s this hurried look and this shout. You’ve seen these individuals throughout the palace before, and they’re part of the council. You’ve always kept a distance from them. You’re a servant of the palace; you want to keep up appearances for many reasons. However, there’s this rush of energy and this general sense of dread in this corner of the palace. And for the most part, judging by this, you didn’t like the Briarwoods when they arrived, and you think things are going wrong here. What are you going to do with your turn?

KIT: Can I join in the fray?

MATT: You’re right over here in the hallway. It’s hard to see from this perspective here, but you’re right over here.

KIT: Okay.

SAM: DM, who is this person who’s just joined us? For the audience.

MATT: This is Kit Buss, who’s our official artist for Critical Role.

(cheering)

MATT: In from the UK to join us for one session of awesomeness.

ORION: That’s the United Kingdom.

TALIESIN: Where the real accents come from!

SAM: She’s going to be doing the worst American accent possible.

LIAM: What’s going on around here?

MATT: You’re over here. There’s this guard here, and these doorways are blown open and seems to be where all the energy’s going. You have a good sense for the flow of energy and emotional tension, and right now everything is pushing in that direction.

KIT: Okay, can I use my turn to dash to get through the doors?

MATT: That’ll get you right there. You can just look past the doors, and they’re blown open. That’ll be your turn there. As you glance inside, you can see the gnome member of Vox Machina is there currently at the edge of one window. The left window is shattered on this side. Seeker Asum, another part of the council, is right at that. He looks over his shoulder, looks at you and goes, “Shoo!” You see him look like, what are you doing, no go! Go, stupid servant! That’s your turn. All right. That brings us to Percy.

TALIESIN: Where am I?

MATT: You were rushing outside with them or rushing up the stairs?

TALIESIN: Rushing outside with them.

MATT: Okay, you’ll just catch up with them. They’re on the outskirts, just cresting around the side of the palace here. All right.

TALIESIN: Am I just there, or am I off the map?

MATT: You’re, in theory, off the map on this side. I’ll get to that shortly. You’re rushing as fast as you can. You exited the front of the palace and spent your whole turn rushing as fast as you can around the side. It’s a long distance, putting all your energy into it.

TALIESIN: I have a very long range.

MATT: You have no visual, unfortunately. That brings us to Sylas.

TRAVIS: That dick!

MATT: All right. No, sorry. Before Sylas is the Seeker. Seeker Asum.

LAURA: Seeker Awesome?

MATT: Asum! He’s pretty awesome. He’s going to leap down here. He’s going to make his own acrobatics check, which he does with flying colors because rangers are cool like that. Lands immediately and angrily rushes forward going, “No!” and attempts to feint into an attack, and Lord Briarwood puts up his hand to attempt to deflect with preternatural speed just (whoosh) out of the way. Asum, instead, reaches down to grab the unconscious body of Vax and is going to attempt to move you away from here. Sylas does get an attack of opportunity against you. That’s a 16?

LIAM: Do I make a death saving throw?

MATT: What’s your armor class?

LIAM: 17.

MATT: 17. Unconscious. I’ll say there’s no dex bonus to that because you can’t move out of the way, so that would be 15. I’m sorry, 12. It hits you; I rolled for that. You immediately take a death saving throw. Instantaneously. You failed one. Now, it is Sylas’s turn. That was Seeker Asum, now it’s–

LAURA: Seeker’s turn and Sylas got to take a turn!

MATT: He got a free attack because he moved out of range to try to hit him. Rushes up to join the fray there. He’s going to look towards Seeker Asum and say, “This quarrel is not with you.” Asum looks over his shoulder. Asum relaxes his grip on Vax’s body and stands at attention. And you hear him say, “My apologies, I did not mean to meddle.” He seems to be stepping out of the fray.

TRAVIS: Seeker Asum is?

MATT: Yes. That’s a charm action to get him out of that. That will be Sylas’ turn. That brings us to Keyleth.

MARISHA: I’m going to go double my speed. My fly speed is 80 feet right now. I’m going to head towards and pick up Scanlan.

MATT: Make a general dexterity check. You’re flying in very tight quarters as a giant eagle flowing through.

MARISHA: Dexterity saving throw, you said? As my eagle form, right? 12?

MATT: 12? Okay, that’s fine. You clip a wing. It hurts, and you wince at the impact, but you manage to make your way in there. As you come down, you grab Scanlan, but there’s not a lot of room here to get much lift or air, so you’re now clutching your gnome.

SAM: Do I get a save?

MATT: Do you not want to be grabbed by her?

SAM: Well, I don’t know she’s there. I don’t know what’s grabbing me.

MARISHA: You’ve seen me turn into an eagle.

SAM: I’m not even looking at you.

MATT: Make an insight check.

SAM: Insight check? Okay. Not good. Five.

MATT: Five. Okay, you see this giant eagle come screeching into the room, talons out, and starts coming at you with talons. Be mindful of that. It’s technically now a grapple contest, so go ahead and make an athletics check.

MARISHA: An athletics check with my eagle. Is that dex or strength?

MATT: It would be strength.

MARISHA: 19.

MATT: 19. Go ahead and make an acrobatics check to avoid it, or athletics. Athletics or acrobatics, your choice.

SAM: 15.

MATT: 15. As much as you try and fight, the eagle grabs you and your tiny gnome form is grasped in its claws. Oh, woe is this evening.

SAM: First, I got a small drink, and now this?

MATT: All right, that finishes Keyleth’s turn. I need you to make a second death saving throw.

LIAM: I succeeded.

MATT: Okay, so you stabilize.

LIAM: Wait, I’m at one?

MATT: You didn’t die. Sorry. My apologies. Vex, you swing around the corner, just getting to the outskirts.

LAURA: Right as I get outside– I would whistle, but Vex can whistle, and she whistles for Trinket.

MATT: You’re not sure where Trinket is.

LAURA: No, but I whistle for him. He knows to listen for it.

MATT: Do you want to get as close as possible to the fray?

LAURA: Yes.

MATT: I’d say as you turn the corner, that will get you about there, and you can see now, there is Seeker Asum and Lord Briarwood both standing over what looks to be a small cluster of cloth, the source of the dread.

LAURA: I scream. Can I attack?

MATT: You can, yeah.

LAURA: Okay, if I did something that did five feet– ten feet… I’ve got to look at this. Yeah, ten feet. If I hit Lady Briarwood, would that hit my brother, or would that just hit Bastard Briarwood?

MATT: No, that would just hit her. Oh, within ten feet? It would hit Seeker and Sylas, yeah.

LAURA: Fuck it, I’m doing it. Lightning Arrow right at her face.

MATT: Okay, go for it. Roll for it.

SAM: Don’t miss.

LAURA: Well, that’s wedged.

TRAVIS: Yeah, it’s a weirdo roll.

LAURA: Natural 20!

MATT: The fury pumps through your veins in an attempt at vengeance at what appears to be your twin brother at death’s door. You pull the arrow from the back of your quiver. As you feel the energy gather from the atmosphere around you, while the energy itself is a blue crackling energy, you see it as bright, vibrant crimson red. You release it with a scream towards Lady Briarwood. Go ahead and roll damage on that.

LAURA: What do I do, times two?

MATT: Yes, times two.

LAURA: So it was 32 damage on her, and then everybody within ten feet has to make a dex save.

MATT: All right, he doesn’t get one.

LAURA: Not him. He’s not in it. And I Hunter’s Marked her.

MATT: Right, so it does additional damage.

LAURA: Fuck. One.

MATT: One. Okay.

MARISHA: Every little bit counts.

MATT: The lightning hits her. It shocks her, and you see the pain come through, but for the sheer force that should have been, it seems almost like it wasn’t as impactful as it should have been. However, Lord Briarwood and Seeker Asum both fail, so they both take the additional damage.

LAURA: Oh, good. Then 2d8 for them. Nine, and then times two because it was critical? 18.

MATT: Sure. I’ll allow it.

LIAM: Haggling.

LAURA: And I get another attack, though. Yes? Okay, then I’m going to attack her through my Blazing Bowstring. Natural 20 again!

(cheering)

LAURA: Inspired by my brother!

MATT: You’ve certainly invoked the fury tonight. All right, go ahead.

LIAM: She loves me.

MATT: Against Lady Briarwood to follow up on that?

LAURA: Yes, of course it is! Okay, eight plus seven is 15 plus two for bracers, so that’s 17 times two is 34.

SAM: Hunter’s Mark.

LAURA: Plus Hunter’s Mark damage, which is another fucking six! 38 damage. No! No, it is 40 damage.

MATT: Well, no, she’s not concentrating because he’s unconscious. I was saving for the Hold Person spell, but she’s not concentrating on that, currently.

LAURA: She’s on fire!

MATT: She is actually lit on fire.

LAURA: I should say what the Blazing Bowstring does, huh? An additional d10 of damage for that. Would that have been part of the part that was multiplied by two?

MATT: No.

LAURA: Another six for that.

LIAM: Does Seeker Asum get a save now that he’s been hit, to shake that charm?

MATT: It has to be damage from the allies of the person who charmed them, so no. You guys are currently considered a threat to him. All right, so that ends your turn. That brings us to Delilah. Delilah, who’s now on fire. Laura, the Blazing Bowstring, does that ignite her? Does she take continuous fire damage, or is that just one-time fire damage? No, it’s an additional 1d10 once. She shrugs off the flames. I remember that. Angrily.

KIT: At least you messed up her dress.

LAURA: Yeah, fuck that dress!

MATT: As the electrical energy and the flames dissipate, she puts her hands out like this, and she looks at you for a second and she extends one cruel finger towards you with a look of intense hatred. I need you to make a constitution save.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: I don’t know if she has to aim it or not. Let me check. Nope! I need you to make a constitution saving throw.

LAURA: Okay. Yeah. Okay, cool. 15. No, wait. 17.

MATT: 17. That’s not enough, unfortunately.

SAM: Oh man. That’s a lot of rolling.

LIAM: Carry the three…

MATT: You take 66 points of necrotic damage as a sickly beam of black energy streaks out from her finger, plows into your torso, and you feel as if your soul is temporarily pulled from a portion of your body. For a second there, your eyes glance past the threshold of death, and you manage to pull yourself back in. The cold resonates through the rest of your body, and all of a sudden the temperature outside, which was already pretty chilly, feels freezing cold. Brush with the Finger of Death. All right, she is going to move over towards Sylas right here, getting into a protective standpoint, glancing down at the unconscious body of Vax. That brings us to– we have Grog, Tiberius, and Scanlan.

SAM: I’m going first. Fucking shit. I know she’s got me in her fucking claws.

MATT: You’ve figured this out now, after this whole (yelps). Keyleth, of course.

SAM: Can I still see through the window?

MATT: You can see through the window right there, yeah. It’s hard, at this point.

SAM: Okay, I’ll use my bonus action first to cast Healing Word on Vax. (singing) Oh, that Vax elf–

MATT: What’s the range on Healing Word?

MARISHA: 30 feet.

MATT: He is not close enough to reach. You’ll have to move first.

LAURA: Then maybe you don’t want to go first.

MARISHA: I can take you over there.

SAM: Would I know that?

MATT: You would know the range of it. You’d be like, “Ugh, he’s too far.”

TRAVIS: You can move first, can’t you?

SAM: I can’t move. She’s holding me.

LAURA: You can wait.

MARISHA: I’m trying to give you a fast way down, motherfucker.

SAM: I know. I guess I’ll hold my turn.

MATT: Okay. All right. Tiberius?

ORION: Okay. Move me an additional 30 feet because my flight is 60 feet, so that was from the last turn.

MATT: Okay, 60 feet flying speed. Good to know.

ORION: Let’s swoop in that room. Another 60 feet. How far can I go? Can I go all the way down?

MATT: That’s as far as you can get, right there.

ORION: Crap, balls. Can I see anything? I can’t see anything. Outside?

MATT: That’s the 60 feet for your movement.

ORION: I’m still flying, so can I see?

MATT: Right, from an elevated standpoint, you would probably just barely be able to see the edge of Lord Briarwood down there, below. He would have three-quarters cover, but you can see him.

ORION: I can’t see Vax?

MATT: No. Not from the angle of the window.

ORION: I charge my decanter. That’s my turn.

MATT: Okay. All right. You can use your action to move, if you want to get closer to the window.

ORION: Oh shit. Yeah. Can I do that?

MATT: Or you could go outside, if you wanted to.

ORION: Then I can’t do anything else after that, right?

MATT: This would be the end of your turn, regardless.

ORION: Okay, then get me right where I can see Vax.

MATT: Right there?

ORION: Actually, skootch me one over. I can still see him from right there, yeah?

MATT: Yeah, you can see him there. Cool, so you’re floating in the air, currently, looking through the cracked window at the cluster of mayhem that’s below. That ends Tiberius’s turn. Grog.

TRAVIS: Raging, I see Vex take off so fast. I try and catch up to her and see what’s freaking her out so much. My speed is 50.

SAM: Wait, no. Healing Word has a 60 feet range. You said 30!

TRAVIS: You’re after me. It’s okay.

MATT: It’s all happening simultaneously.

TRAVIS: I take the Firebrand Warhammer with the Chain of Returning attached to it. I activate it, and I throw it at Lady Delilah.

MATT: Okay. What’s the range on it?

TRAVIS: It doesn’t have a distance. It has a DC to pull it back.

MATT: Here’s what we’ll do. It’s the warhammer or war pick?

TRAVIS: Yeah, the warhammer, but the Chain of Returning doesn’t have a distance.

MATT: I know. It’s the distance of the weapon, is what it is.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: Looking it up right now for you.

TALIESIN: What did we do before iPhones?

TRAVIS: How is it 150/120?

LAURA: Yeah, because you used it when we were fighting that manta ray.

MATT: I don’t have a Player’s Handbook. If somebody could look up the equipment section right now?

MARISHA: What are you looking for?

MATT: Excuse the sound change here, as I have to move the mic. There we go. I got it. There is a range on thrown weapons, unfortunately.

TALIESIN: Does it count as a mace? Handaxe?

MATT: Warhammer… this one is not considered an actual normally thrown weapon, so I would give it the same distance of a handaxe, which is 60-foot max, but you would be at disadvantage on the throw, anyway. Pretty heavy disadvantage on this, so we’ll give it a shot.

TRAVIS: That doesn’t even make 60 feet, though, does it?

MATT: No. As you lob–

TRAVIS: If I know how long it is, can I do something else instead of throwing it? If I’d known the distance–

MATT: Yeah, if you know the distance, then I’ll say sure.

TRAVIS: Can I try for Intimidating Presence?

MATT: Sure.

TRAVIS: There’s a DC saving throw–

MATT: Against her?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: Okay. She glances over at you as you come running around the corner, this giant engine of muscle and death. You growl at her, screaming–

TRAVIS: (roars) No!

MATT: What’s the DC on it?

TRAVIS: 13.

MATT: 13. She glances over at you and you see her head turn to the side with a curious chuckle.

TRAVIS: So low! God!

MATT: Yeah. Sorry.

MARISHA: Bring it back to Sam.

MATT: All right. Kit, you’re up. Oh, that’s right. You’re doing your turn. Continue.

SAM: Will 60 feet hit him?

MATT: Yes, it would.

SAM: Okay, then I will heal Vax. (singing) Oh, that Vax elf, getting bit by vampires, and his skin’s turning pale and white. But don’t worry, because around the corner, here comes Scanlan. Everything’s going to be all right.

LIAM: I feel like I’m going insane!

MATT: All right, so roll for how much you heal him.

SAM: Even though that’s a bonus action, I’m going to do it as a 5th-level spell.

MATT: It’s an additional 1d4 for each, so it would be 5d4 plus five.

SAM: And I roll it?

MATT: Yes, you do.

SAM: Okay. Well, then give me a bunch of d4s.

MATT: Kit, you’re on deck, so imagine what you’re going to do next.

SAM: I need one more. Great. Okay. Whoa, what the hell is that one? Ah, shit! What are these? I can never add d4.

ORION: 12. Plus?

MATT: Five. So you heal 17 hit points. From the darkness–

SAM: Wait, is it plus five, or is it plus five, five, five–

MATT: No, it’s plus five. Consciousness comes to you. Breath comes into your chest, and you can feel the cold, wet grass against the left side of your face. Your vision begins to clarify for a second, and you look up over you. You can see immediately to the right of you both Lord and Lady Briarwood standing over you, looking down with one half of their gaze, the other paying attention to–

LIAM: They’re looking at me?

MATT: They’re looking down at you and glancing at this slowly encroaching circle of assailants. That was your bonus action.

SAM: That was my bonus action. As my action action– oh man, this is stupid. I lift my Hand Cone of Clarity, and I sing to Lady Delilah, (singing) Hey there, Delilah, won’t you listen to me because I’m about to cast a spell on you. Ooh! Oh! (speaking) Okay, so I’m going to use Suggestion on her. This is so stupid!

MATT: So what’s the DC on that?

SAM: Well, it’s 19.

MATT: With that. Okay, good to know. What are you suggesting to her?

SAM: I’m suggesting that she has an unquenchable urge to make out with her husband.

MATT: All right. And what saving throw is it? Is it a wisdom saving throw?

SAM: It is wisdom.

MATT: Wisdom. Okay, good to know. Rolled an 18. She has advantage on it, anyway. All right. Yeah, she rolled a natural 18, plus her wisdom bonus of two. That puts her at a 20. She just crested over it. You can see, she glances up for a second at you. The presence of the actual shouting and the Suggestion echoing through the glass and out the other broken window. She looks up and you see parts of the shards of the glass are actually shaking from your singing. The harmonic resonance of the glass catching your–

LIAM: She doesn’t feel even a little bit horny?

MATT: You gather that probably at all given points of time, she probably enjoys being close to her husband, but not overcome with an uncontrollable urge.

SAM: She has a headache.

MATT: Right. All right, so that ends Scanlan. Kit.

KIT: Okay. Am I within 120 feet of either of the Briarwoods?

MATT: You are, but they’re not currently in visual range because they’re outside and down below, so if you want to try and move over this way, you can try to get a visual.

KIT: Am I able to move somewhere where I can see them?

MATT: You would have to leap up onto the edge of the canopy bed. You can just see them past the broken window, down into the courtyard there, as Tiberius, the dragonborn you saw coast through, is hovering in the air about five feet above you.

KIT: I would like to – oh, there’s lots of excitement going on, isn’t there? I would like to use Crown of Madness, if I may.

SAM: Wait! I thought she was just a common guard!

LAURA: Servant.

KIT: I would like to use Crown of Madness on Lord Briarwood.

MATT: All righty. What is the DC on the spell?

KIT: My DC would be eight plus my spellcasting modifier–

MATT: It should be at the very top of your spell sheet.

KIT: Okay. 17.

MATT: 17. All right. Against Lord Briarwood… (chuckles) Even with his plus seven–

LAURA: Yay!

TALIESIN: Oh my god, is something actually going to work?

MATT: He is going to use his legendary resistance to succeed the saving throw. So as you do that, you see the magical energy form around his head and this crown of darkened arcane energy forms and begins to clasp around, and he looks up for a second and shrugs his hair like that, and it (crash) dissipates, and you can see for a brief second his vision come up and find your gaze.

MARISHA: But Matt, she’s our guest!

MATT: I understand! As it was a concentration spell, also, the illusion that you currently were holding fades away. What was once the demure, mousy-looking human guest suddenly appears as a pale, white tiefling, currently now existing at the edge of the bed. Her image shimmers and disappears as you see her standing before you on her hoofed legs, holding what was previously a non-visible staff in one hand.

ORION: And I’m right above her?

MATT: You are right above her, yeah.

ORION: I go, ooh! Nice horns!

MATT: Looking over your shoulder, you’re a little bit in front of her, but yeah, you see her. All right, so that will be your turn there.

LAURA: Our friend is in mortal danger right now, you maybe wouldn’t want to hit on somebody, at that moment.

KIT: I would have to agree.

MATT: Percy. Following suit, you begin to move around the corner to the others. You are now within visual range of both Briarwoods– at a far distance, though– too far for the Pepperbox. No, its range is 150, so yeah.

TALIESIN: Pepperbox range is 150, but the Bad News range is disgusting.

MATT: Nah, they’re within range for both.

TALIESIN: So I’ll start with Bad News.

MARISHA: Nothing travels faster.

TALIESIN: (sighs) All right. First shot.

MATT: Against who?

TALIESIN: (yelling) Sylas!

TRAVIS: Yes. I got little goosebumps from that.

TALIESIN: That’s a 30 to hit.

MATT: Yeah, that’ll hit.

TRAVIS: Rock. His. Shit.

TALIESIN: (sighs) This is about to feel so good.

TRAVIS: De-cleat this motherfucker.

MARISHA: These are the worst people we’ve ever faced.

TALIESIN: I hate them, I hate them so much. Where’s my other d12s?

MARISHA: d12s? 12, 12 away.

TALIESIN: That’s 17 points of damage.

MATT: Okay. The first shot. As you (gunshot), the shot echoing out across the night sky of Emon, Lord Briarwood, who is currently staring down at you as you come to consciousness, and you can see under his breath, he says, “Oh, there’s no way out tonight, friend.” And begins to lean forward before (impact) the back of his shoulder is wracked by a sudden impact. You see dark material just (spray) spatter out with some sort of dark crimson, and he (grunts). Looks over his shoulder with anger, and you can see at that point, glistening across the moonlight, the sharpened fangs visible at the edge of his mouth. As he looks over–

TALIESIN: Is he looking at me? Okay, good, I’m taking another aimed shot at his face.

MATT: Okay, so you use your second attack to reload.

TALIESIN: Third shot, aimed shot at the face, while he was turning around.

LIAM: As he reloaded, weakly, behind him, I go, hi, Percy.

TALIESIN: That’s 24 to hit.

MATT: 24 to hit will hit.

SAM: Skadoosh!

TALIESIN: (laughs) That’s 28 points of damage, and he has disadvantage on all attacks for this round.

MARISHA: Yes!

MATT: Okay. That was using the arm shot? Good. So as he turns around and glares at you, there’s like a moment of clarity, and you can feel that familiar stare, that horrible glare, and the cowardice in you fights the moment of tension that you’ve been waiting for this sequence. As you load the weapon, he says it loudly enough for you to hear, but this voice now, you see Lord Briarwood says, “Would you look at that, dear? The pup yet lives.” (chuckles, gunshot)

(laughter)

MATT: A big chunk of flesh is just blown off and you can see the bone beneath. (grunts, growls)

KIT: No mercy Percy!

TALIESIN: Is that as far as I can make it?

MATT: It’s as far as you can get. You still have your heroic action, if you wanted to do that. Holding onto it? Okay. All right. So that will end your turn. Seeker is then going to turn this way, step towards the side and pull his crossbow out. It was already loaded with a bolt into it, and he’s going to take a shot at Grog, who’s currently the biggest target right now. That’s going to be– rolled a two. That’s going to be a 13 against armor class.

TRAVIS: Misses.

MATT: Yeah. Goes and for the bonus action reloads and gets the second shot at you. That will be a 19.

TRAVIS: Hits.

MATT: All right. You take seven points of piercing damage, halved because of your rage. And with the rest of his movement, Seeker Asum’s going to go ahead and step back in the shadow beside there. Ending that turn, now it comes to Lord Briarwood.

MARISHA: Wait, I didn’t get my turn?

MATT: Keyleth, you’re up after him.

LIAM: And I have a question. At some point I’m in the mix?

MATT: Yeah, you’re coming up. Don’t worry. You guys rolled the lowest initiatives.

ORION: Oh, he’s prone, still.

MATT: He’s still prone, yeah. So Sylas is going to, seeing the circumstance, reach down and attempt to grab you.

SAM: Get out of there.

MATT: He has disadvantage because of that. (laughs) All right, that’s going to be a total of 11.

LIAM: To do what? To grapple check? Do I have to roll, too?

MATT: To attempt to grapple you, yeah.

LIAM: So I roll, as well.

MATT: You don’t have to.

LIAM: Yeah, fuck that guy.

MATT: Yeah, so it missed entirely. All right, so that’s with his first strike. Second one, he’s going to go for another attempted grapple on you. With disadvantage, that comes to 18.

LIAM: For hitting?

MATT: For hitting you. All right. And now he’s going to make an athletics check to attempt to grapple you. That is going to be a 13.

SAM: As I see this going on, can I call out with Cutting Words to distract him?

MATT: You could, yes.

SAM: Okay. (singing) Distraction, distraction! Distraction! Distraction, distraction!

MATT: Go ahead and roll a d10.

SAM: What do I roll?

MATT: d10. And subtract that from his attack modifier.

SAM: Six.

MATT: Okay. With that, as he reaches down in an attempt to grapple you and grab you by the throat, the fingers are coming towards you and you try and attempt to roll out of the way. All of sudden, you hear, “Distraction!” and Lord Briarwood’s, (annoyed sigh). You see his massive eyeroll and then goes in for the attack, but that’s given you enough time to roll out of the way his hand only meets the ground. He’s then going to step back and get adjacent to Lady Briarwood. That ends his turn. Keyleth, you’re up.

MARISHA: Okay, I’m going to fly out the window with Scanlan.

MATT: Out the broken one over here or the non-broken one?

MARISHA: The broken one.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: What are you doing to me?

MATT: So you’re coasting over here.

MARISHA: I’m going to go ahead and drop him off.

MATT: Okay, so as you swoop down and leave Scanlan right there in front of them, that’ll be there.

MARISHA: So Seeker Asum, he’s against us?

MATT: You have no idea, you just swooped out there and he’s there like hiding in the shadow.

MARISHA: But he just fired at Grog.

MATT: You didn’t see it, though, from your perspective there. You just saw a bolt go.

MARISHA: Oh, I didn’t see that. Do I still have enough movement to make an action?

MATT: Yeah you do, yes, that was just your movement as you swooped down.

MARISHA: Where’s Lord Briarwood?

MATT: Right there.

MARISHA: I’m going to go and try and peck his eyes out.

SAM: Are you dropping me?

MARISHA: Yeah, I dropped you off, I’m going to go and swoop over–

MATT: Okay. You’ve already used your movement to get there and drop him off and go all the way around.

MARISHA: That’s what I was asking.

MATT: Yeah, you used your full movement to get there and drop off Scanlan.

TRAVIS: Do you still want to be an eagle?

LIAM: Yeah, because it’s a hit point sponge.

MARISHA: Yeah, you know what, I’ll drop eagle form.

MATT: Okay. Keyleth, all of a sudden the eagle condenses down and forms back into Keyleth in her half-elven form.

MARISHA: And I will also use my bonus action to cast Healing Word on Vax.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: And I will also cast it at– actually, I’ll cast it at a 3rd level because I want to be safe.

SAM: Here are some d4s.

MARISHA: Thank you.

LAURA: She cast it at Vax.

SAM: So you need one more, right? At level three?

MARISHA: Oh, and it’s plus my spell modifier? Is that what it is? Plus ten, so yeah, I need one more, so that’s 17 points.

MATT: 17 points of healing.

ORION: Hers is different.

MARISHA: Oh no, wait. No, 15. Sorry.

SAM: You’re back.

LAURA: You’re back, baby.

MATT: And with that, Vax.

LIAM: You have to tell me what’s possible. I’m prone, right?

MATT: You are prone on the ground.

LIAM: This is what I’d like to do. You tell me if it’s possible. I’d like to click my boots of haste together and then get up, which takes my full movement? What does it take?

MATT: Half your movement.

LIAM: Half my movement. This is what I want to do, you tell me if it’s possible. Click my boots of haste, get up, use disengage again, and then run like a motherfuck straight towards–

MATT: Yeah, you could probably do that, yeah.

TRAVIS: Do it!

LIAM: That’s what I want to do.

SAM: Straight towards what?

LIAM: My sister. And as I run past, I share a very awkward glance with Keyleth and keep going and just run and lock eyes with my sister and run at her.

MATT: Okay, and what’s your full movement then? It would be 30 times two, which would be 60, half that, so you can run 30 feet because it takes half your movement to get up. So yeah, you disengage. There you go.

LAURA: There you go.

SAM: Well good, I’m glad I’m tip of the spear now. Jesus. (laughs) How did that happen?

LAURA: Dimension Door!

MATT: All right. That ends your turn. At the top is Vex.

LAURA: All right. I’m going to–

TRAVIS: Kill some people?

LAURA: Okay, yeah, I’m going to take a healing potion. A superior, which is what?

MATT: Superior would be 8d4 plus eight.

LAURA: That’s so many fours.

TRAVIS: It’s not like you don’t have 30 dice anyway. So many dice.

MARISHA: These fuckers, I’m so angry at them.

LAURA: 20. Oh, 28. That’s good. And then I’m going to cast– I’m sorry, Hunter’s Mark. I’m going to cast Hail of Thorns right at the one in the middle. They’re right next to each other, right?

MATT: Yeah. You would be scooting right over Scanlan’s head with your arrow.

LAURA: Let’s stick it to Lady Briarwood again. Cool. Balls. Oh wait, do I, I don’t need to roll to hit on that, right?

MATT: It would say on the spell.

LAURA: Oh wait, that’s wrong. Oh, the next time I hit a creature. Oh, so I don’t think I hit her. That was 15.

MATT: 15 would not hit, unfortunately.

LAURA: Okay, then I try it again. I didn’t hit her again! It’s because you’re safe now, buddy.

MATT: So as she stands there grinning, looking over all this, they’re both amused by this whole circumstance, there isn’t really a glimmer of fear. As the first arrow comes by, she leans to the side, just dodges it a little bit. The second one comes towards her, and Lord Briarwood deflects it out from in front of her and gives you a look of like, don’t you dare touch my woman.

LAURA: Where’s Trinket?

MATT: Trinket is somewhere.

LAURA: Okay, did he hear? I whistle again.

MATT: You whistle again, okay. That’s your turn.

MATT: All right, so. With that, you see the dragonborn comes flying up through the window, and Delilah looks back at everyone and sees everyone rushing forward and says, “Honey, we’ll deal with them. Worse comes to worst.” And she glances up at you. “But you.”

ORION: I’m Tiberius Stormwind!

MATT: “Yes, indeed you are.” As she looks at you for a second, and there’s this sparkle, this prismatic glow of light in her eyes. I need you–

ORION: 4th-level Counterspell. Were you saying something?

MATT: Hold on.

MARISHA: Hold on. (laughs) I think distance makes a difference with these people.

MATT: All right, so you’re going to attempt to counter. Let’s do this.

SAM: Dice versus dice. Wizard versus wizard.

MATT: Go ahead and roll a d20, add five.

ORION: Seven.

MATT: Yeah, that’s not going to do it.

LIAM: But that’s a lucky number.

MATT: At that point, all of a sudden, you feel a surge of arcane energy suddenly burst, not visually, but on this coursing connection, almost like two nexus points of energy. There’s this tidal wave of arcane energy that blasts into your mind. I need you to go ahead and make an intelligence saving throw.

LIAM: Are they Superman and Wonder Woman? What the heck?

LAURA: Yeah.

ORION: 18.

MATT: 18? 18 would unfortunately not succeed. Yeah, you take 21 points of psychic damage–

ORION: (yelps)

MATT: And your intelligence and charisma scores become one.

SAM: What?

MATT: Suddenly, language leaves you. All the spells, the nature of spellcasting, is robbed, and you know where you are, but everything is instinctual. From this point, you are essentially, from a communication standpoint, a giant lizard.

ORION: (lizard noises) Am I still flying? I’m assuming I fall.

MATT: At this point, actually, yeah, you do, because you can only maintain concentration. And you land on the ground. She then steps–

ORION: Wait! Is it permanent?

MATT: You don’t know.

MARISHA: I can fix it. It’s okay; don’t worry about it right now. I can’t fix it right now!

MATT: Tiberius. It’s your turn.

ORION: What the fuck can I do? Is there a saving throw?

SAM: There is no save.

MATT: At the end of every 30 days.

SAM: 30 days?! He doesn’t even know what a day is!

MARISHA: I can fix it. I can fix it after I sleep. Just not right now!

MATT: Which is what she would be saying if she was knowing this was happening to you. So anyway. You still know your friends. You know you have friends here. You know there’s something to protect. You know that people need protection. You must protect! And that’s the extent of where your drive is right now.

ORION: Well, I guess– and I’m confused as hell, I assume?

MATT: It’s hard to say. You’re still you, you’re still present there, you just know that suddenly, “Spells? I don’t know spells. (growls) Anger. Frustration. Protect.” It’s all base instincts right now.

TRAVIS: Does he know friend from foe?

MATT: You don’t know.

ORION: I mean, I’m not going to do shit. You know what I’m going to do? I’m going to leave. I’m going to go out the door and back in the hallway. And I’m going to whip around to that guy and go, (aggressive lizard noises).

MATT: And he goes, (scared noises).

ORION: Because I know I don’t like him.

MATT: Right. And takes another five foot step back from you. Unexpected feral reaction from Tiberius!

ORION: And I’m going to dash.

MATT: Yeah, I moved you double. Okay, that ends your turn? Grog?

TRAVIS: Me? I would like to run towards the fucking Lord Sylas. Can I reach him?

MATT: You can’t get all the way there, but you can get within throwing range.

TRAVIS: Throwing range only? Yeah, I’m going to throw the hammer again.

MATT: All right, so now you (whoosh) lob it, the flames arcing in a circle towards him.

TRAVIS: 23.

MATT: 23 hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

TRAVIS: 17.

MATT: 17, all right. So (smash) the hammer hits him in the front, the flames burst from the impact, you can hear the metal clang of metal against the armor he’s wearing under his outfit.

TRAVIS: Oh, yeah, sorry, d6 of flame damage! Shit. One.

MATT: All right. You did 18 damage, then, good to know. All right, so go ahead, and if you want to try and retract, it’s a bonus action.

TRAVIS: I succeed.

MATT: You pull in the chain. It whips back. Like Thor, you catch it mid-air, prepare yourself for the next round. That’ll be your turn. Scanlan?

SAM: Oh. Hi.

MATT: You’re now there, face to face. You are essentially the shield of the group between the Briarwoods.

SAM: Oh. Hello. What a lovely dinner we had– Lightning!

(laughter)

MATT: All right. You go to release the spell. She immediately begins to mutter something in between. You immediately feel this counteractive arcane energy. If she hadn’t rolled a natural one on her Counterspell, that would’ve been pretty bad. But through the sheer force of frustration and anger at this point now, the lightning bolt presses through her counter, and the bolt is released in that direction, arcing towards both of them.

SAM: Wait, she rolled a one?

MATT: She rolled a one to try and counter your spell.

LIAM: Please make it funny.

SAM: Oh, so wait, I get to roll for damage now? It’s a bunch of d6s right? 8d6.

MATT: 8d6. And for their saving throws–

SAM: Can I arc it so it hits both of them?

MATT: Yeah, it would hit them both.

SAM: Would it also hit Mr. Awesome?

MATT: No, he’s off to the left.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: All right. So they do both make their saving throw, so they both take half damage.

LAURA: Of course they do. Hate them!

SAM: 32?

MATT: 32, okay. That’s a 16 to Sylas and eight to Lady Delilah.

SAM: Wow, she can take half of half?

MATT: Apparently.

LAURA: Magic resistance.

MATT: Both of them (impact sounds) take the blast from the– and you see this look of: okay, things are getting a little weird now. They both look at each other with a realizing they’re now a front of two against many swarming individuals. Do you want to move or stay where you are?

SAM: I will move backwards. By a lot. And have I seen the tiefling?

MATT: You have not. Oh no, you did. You flew past as you went and you were like: what the heck is that? And then you pulled out.

SAM: But I don’t have eyes on her? So I can’t inspire her?

MATT: Unfortunately, no.

SAM: All right, well then, I will inspire Keyleth. (singing) Can you feel the blood tonight? That’s it, that’s all I got. (laughs) All right. So you’re inspired.

MARISHA: Thanks. I get a d10 right? Ha! Okay.

MATT: All right, so that ends your turn. That brings us to you.

KIT: Okay, I’m starting to get a bit pissed now. My tail is whipping, and I would like to use Phantasmal Killer.

MARISHA: What is that?!

KIT: To Lord Briarwood. Again.

MARISHA: That sounds awesome.

SAM: Her accent is so fake.

KIT: (exaggerated American accent) I know, right?

MATT: So are you staying at the edge of the bed, or are you going towards the window to have a clear view?

KIT: I’ll move forward a bit.

MATT: All right, so you leap off the side of the bed, come up to the edge of the broken window, looking down towards it. All right! Let’s try and make this wisdom saving throw. Chose to make his save, using his legendary resistance.

LAURA: Wait, how many times does he get that damn thing?

TRAVIS: He’s like a dragon!

KIT: It’s fine, I’ll wear him out.

MATT: Remember, the target still becomes frightened for the duration. So now, as you do this and look up, Lord Briarwood has had this cocky grin the whole time, sees this sudden albino tiefling in the window glare down and send this shimmering wave of arcane energy hissing from above. The echo of the hiss hits Lord Briarwood and for the first time, you see him recoil in strange momentary terror and seems to almost step back into the side of his wife. Glances over his shoulder towards her and she gives him a look of misunderstanding and acknowledgement. So he cannot get near you, currently. Cannot get any closer to you and has disadvantage against anything against you.

TRAVIS: Just her or us?

MATT: Just her.

TRAVIS: Clap hands.

MATT: All right. Very cool. So that’s your turn on that one. Percy.

MARISHA: Percy!

TALIESIN: I’m going to take a standard walking speed 30 feet straight ahead. Swinging Bad News back onto my back, pulling out Pepperbox. Sylas! I’m getting his attention again. I’m going to start shooting with–

SAM: Are you still in disguise?

TALIESIN: No, I don’t think anymore.

MATT: No, the moment you fired, the illusion dissipated.

TALIESIN: Yeah. So I’m going to be using my sharpshooter for this.

MATT: Okay, go for it.

TALIESIN: That’s 26 to hit.

MATT: Yeah, that hits.

TALIESIN: So that’s, let’s see. Oh, I need one of these, too. That’s 22 points of damage and one point of fire damage.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: Same thing again.

MATT: So you’ve shot, reload, shot. And this turn–

TALIESIN: No, I put Bad News away. Bad News is empty.

MATT: Oh, so Bad News is empty. That’s the first shot. You got this. Cool. Sorry, I misunderstood.

TALIESIN: Ain’t going to be a dick about it.

MATT: All right, so this is the first shot. Second shot.

TALIESIN: 25?

MATT: 25 hits.

TALIESIN: That’s 21 points of damage.

MATT: All righty.

TALIESIN: Shooting again.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: 18.

MATT: 18 does not hit. The first shot (impact) off the shoulder and the second one (impact) hits the same point where Bad News hit the arm, blasting off another portion of the flesh. And the third one, this time, you can actually see the shadows coalesce around him and the shot just misses through the darkness and reforms into the physical form of Sylas. As you’re finishing your turn, that, you can see, Sylas’ flesh is reforming and healing rapidly from the damage he’s taken. The actual tendons are forming back up from the blast damage. He’s looking at you with a slight grin but then nervously back at the tiefling in the window. Back and forth. At this point in time, Asum is going to go ahead and back up this way and is going to use an action to hide. Rolls a three. Terrible. Absolutely useless. All right, so Sylas now is going to angrily look around and pulls off from the back, you can see this shimmer as there was an illusion dissipates and what previously looked like it was an empty back, a large scabbard appears. Pulling this giant dark, slate-gray greatsword from the back and lunges forward towards you, Grog.

MARISHA: Sylas?

LAURA: Did someone ever get Uriel?

MATT: You have not seen Uriel, no. All right. Is going to then make a strike at you. That’s a 26 to hit.

TRAVIS: Hits.

MATT: All right. You take 12 points of slashing damage. Reduced to six. And I need you to go ahead and make a constitution saving throw.

TRAVIS: Do I have advantage on those if I’m raging?

MATT: No, you just have a high constitution.

SAM: He still has disadvantage on attacks, right? That wore off?

TRAVIS: 18.

MATT: 18, all right. You feel like the actual wound from the blade is attempting to draw some force from your body, but you just (grunts) and flex and whatever arcane enchantment is resisted. Turns around for a second swipe, that is going to be a 19.

TRAVIS: Hits.

MATT: Hits? All right. You take 15 points of slashing damage. Half that to seven, or be eight. Round up for use. So eight. And make another constitution saving throw.

TRAVIS: Damn it. Ha! Even better. 21.

MATT: Yeah, once again. There’s some sort of enchantment that’s trying to pull from the wounds as it hits you and you just grin them off with this chuckle. So he’s going to use the rest of his movement to step back a little bit. You get an attack of opportunity.

TRAVIS: I do?

MATT: Yes, you do. With the hammer.

TRAVIS: Yes! That’s 24.

MATT: 24 hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

TRAVIS: Awesome. That’s 11, plus four points of fire damage, so 15.

MATT: Okay, 15. Cool. That ends his turn. Keyleth.

MARISHA: My turn? Okay. Wait, where did Briarwood go? Lord Briarwood.

TALIESIN and MATT: Right there.

MARISHA: Oh, he backed up. Beautiful. So I take my staff and I crack it on the ground. Where I cracked it, little ice crystals start forming against the ground and start making ice and I’m going to cast Sleet Storm. I need a thing.

SAM: I have a 20. What do you want?

MARISHA: No I need a–

SAM: What do you need?

MARISHA: A laser pointer! There you go. So it’s a 40-foot radius. Starting where Briarwood is.

MATT: All righty. A 40-foot radius.

MARISHA: Right. Starting in this line. Grog’s not in it.

MATT: This way, you mean?

MARISHA: From here back.

MATT: So Sleet Storm (boom) right in that area right there. So as you slam the ground, the ice begins to move around and all of a sudden the cold air begins to form this almost like mist as the temperature shift suddenly impacts the surrounding vicinity. The grass freezes in place, and you can see bits of ice and sleet begin to rain down in the vicinity.

MARISHA: So the ground in the area is difficult terrain. It is covered with slick ice. When a creature enters the spell’s area for a first time or on its turn starts its turn there, it must make a dexterity saving throw or else it’s knocked prone, because they slip and fall. If a creature is concentrating in the spell’s area the creature must make a successful concentration saving throw against your spell’s DC or lose concentration.

MATT: Good to know.

SAM: And you have inspiration.

MATT: Cool. All righty. So?

MARISHA: And then I move back.

MATT: That ends your turn. Vax.

LIAM: Okay, I’m going to throw one dagger at Briarwood’s face.

MATT: All right. Go for it.

LIAM: That’s a one. If I’m hasted, can I do two potions? Instead of attack, attack, attack.

MATT: No. The additional action is not so much a potion.

LIAM: All right, so I’m taking a potion of greater healing and walking backward. Walking distance. And greater healing is 4d4, right?

MATT: Greater healing is 4d4 plus four, yeah. All right, that ends your turn. Vex, you’re up.

LAURA: Yes. Knowing that they seem to be vampires because they’ve fucking creepy teeth, I’m going to pull out one of my holy arrows and shoot it at– Lord Briarwood’s in the way of Lady Briarwood now, isn’t he?

MATT: You can try and shoot either if you want to move over to the side and get a better view.

LAURA: Well I’m going to cast Hunter’s Mark on him.

MATT: On him? Okay.

LAURA: And then I’m going to shoot my holy arrow through my Blazing Bowstring one more time.

MATT: Okay go for it.

LAURA: Come on! Hold on! 28.

MATT: 28 does hit.

LAURA: Okay, good. Do I do any additional damage with my holy arrow?

MATT: Go ahead and roll damage for the arrow. And you do an additional 2d6 radiant damage to Lord Briarwood.

LAURA: Oh wait. 15, 19. Plus ten for the Blazing Bowstring, so 22, and then what did you say?

MATT: 2d6 radiant damage.

LAURA: Seven more, so 29 damage.

MATT: Okay, good to know. So as the arrow impacts, (impact sound) he puts up his cloak to guard in time, as it goes (whooshing) through the cloak, you hear this (grunts) in pain as the arrow bursts, and as the cloak comes back, you can see this burning sensation across the front of Lord Briarwood. Where the flesh was healing and sewing itself up, that has been halted immediately by the impact of the holy water, which is beginning to pockmark and burn his flesh.

LAURA: Awesome. Then I’m going to hit him again! (laughs) So yes, I’m going to do the same thing! Except I’m out of my Blazing Bowstring; it fizzled out.

MATT: Yes.

LAURA: Okay that’s a 29 to hit.

MATT: That’ll hit.

LAURA: Okay. That’s good. Plus two radiant damage.

MATT: That’s your second holy arrow, right?

LAURA: Yeah.

LIAM: What was it before that?

LAURA: 17. 28. And then another d6 for my Hunter’s Mark. 32!

MATT: Nice. Second one (impact) shatters and you can see now, like part of the jaw is hurt and wounded. (panting) There’s this wild frenzy to his face as you can see Lord Briarwood is starting to look a little ragged. All right. That ends your turn.

LAURA: Yes.

MATT: Lady Delilah Briarwood steps forward up to the back of her husband.

MARISHA: She’s got to make a dex throw.

MATT: She does. And against the spell, ‘cause it’s magic, she gets advantage. That would be an 18. What’s the DC?

MARISHA: It just says they just have to make a dexterity saving throw or they’re knocked prone.

MATT: Right, but it’s against your DC of your spell.

MARISHA: Oh, is it? 18.

MATT: So yeah, she makes it. So she steps forward; almost slips, but catches herself on the shoulder of her husband and says, “My dear, I fear it’s time that we make our leave.”

SAM: Make our leave?

MARISHA: No, they’re going to bamf!

MATT: Casts Dimension Door. Both of them (whoosh) out of visible range.

SAM: Wait! I turn to Vex. Vex, does your Hunter’s Mark tell you where they went? They just disappeared. Where’d they go?

LAURA: They fucking disappeared?

TALIESIN and MARISHA: They Dimension Doored out.

LAURA: I do have Hunter’s Mark on him.

MATT: On him, yes. You sense that they’re not that far from you. They’re around the corner where you guys came from.

LAURA: They’re right there! Do we want to keep fighting them?

LIAM: He’s ragged! Go! If we’re ever going to get them, we need to get them now! Lead the way, Percival!

LAURA: They’re around the corner.

MARISHA: I can probably teleport us through a tree, right?

SAM: That’s okay, we’ll just run.

LAURA: They’re right there.

MATT: As you guys rush around the corner you can see on the very edge of the cobblestone walkway, the carriage that they came in is now gaining speed–

TALIESIN: Sharpshoot right now. I’m going to try and take out a wheel.

TRAVIS: (yelling) Close the gates!

TALIESIN: 27.

MATT: 27 hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

ORION: Nice.

TALIESIN: 20 points of damage.

MATT: 20 points of damage, all right. The wheel splinters and (grinding sound) is now coasting on the ground. The young gentleman who is currently on the top is looking over his shoulder, trying desperately to usher them away.

MARISHA: How, roughly, far away are they?

MATT: Right now, they’re about a hundred feet–

LAURA: Is Trinket anywhere near them?

MATT: Trinket was over at the stables on the far back of the palace, unfortunately.

MARISHA: I still have my Sleet Storm up. It’s a concentration spell. I’m going to move it over there.

MATT: Can you just shift it over there?

MARISHA: Yeah. It’s a concentration spell. It lasts a minute.

MATT: Oh well no, it’s concentration to keep it in the area.

MARISHA: Well, then I cast it again.

MATT: So you’re casting Sleet Storm again. What’s the range on it?

MARISHA: 150 feet.

MATT: 150 feet. The sleet storm lands down. The cobblestone becomes sleek; the carriage begins rocking back and forth. However, it does manage to keep on its course, currently; it does not get knocked prone. It’s hard to knock a carriage prone, but it is sliding out of the way.

TALIESIN: Is that a disadvantage because it only has three wheels?

MATT: Good call, actually.

MARISHA: And it’s rough terrain?

MATT: That is a two.

(cheering)

MATT: At this point, the carriage (crash) slams onto the side of the ground and skids (creaking) to a halt in the middle of the ice, the sleet still spackling down as you guys all turn the corner now; as you approach. The gates have closed (slamming) as the guards have slammed it, listening to Grog on the far side. The door pops open on the side of the carriage. Tiberius, as you’ve made your way back around and you’re at the front now, (panting) and you can see now, about 60 feet in front of you the carriage is overturned in the middle of this sleet storm, on the ground.

ORION: Where is it?

MATT: From a visual standpoint, you’re about 60 to 70 feet from the front of this. The doors slam open and you can see Lord and Lady Briarwood step out.

LAURA: Can I shoot my exploding arrow?

MATT: Hold on. As you’ve guys are just turning the corner. You can see now Lord Briarwood stands up and is trying to compose himself, ruffles himself up angrily, looking at his damaged circumstance. Lady Briarwood’s against his shoulder and she goes, (clicks tongue) “Well, (sighs) at the very least, I think you should come visit us sometime, Percy. You’re always welcome back home. It’d be nice of you to visit your family once in a while.” Roll initiative. Just you. As you were the first action to take.

LAURA: 19.

MATT: 19? Go ahead and roll. Roll the attack for the exploding arrow. This is against Lady Briarwood?

LAURA: 29. It’s against her.

MATT: Yeah, 29’ll hit.

LAURA: What do I do damage for the exploding arrow? That Percy made, by the way.

MATT: Yeah. Roll for your–

LAURA: 16.

MATT: So 16 regular arrow damage? Okay, against Lady Briarwood. Cool. All right, and then for the additional blast that blows up it’s additional 4d6 blast damage to her and they both get saving throws to try and halve it.

LAURA: Okay I’m rolling one of our Critical Role dice.

MATT: So half damage to both of them.

SAM: Trademark!

LAURA: Damn it.

SAM: Critical fail!

LAURA: 11.

MATT: 11? So half that, six damage to each. She needs to make a concentration check. Advantage on that for war caster. Yeah, that’s a 19. Okay. So (explosion), a portion of the outside of the carriage just blows apart. Wood shrapnel goes flying to each other side. As the smoke settles and the explosion, you can see, both Lord and Lady Briarwood are still standing there, seemingly unscathed by the event. She wraps her arms around him and whispers in his ear, “It’s all right.” And they both (whoosh) vanish in a swirl of arcane energy. You don’t recognize it because right now you don’t have the intelligence to really–

TALIESIN: I want to walk over to the carriage driver.

MATT: You walk over to the carriage driver, who is currently on the ground, this young man who’s horribly hurt, part of his torso is burned, and he’s like, (coughs, grunts). Trying to climb away. (gasping) “Please, please spare my life, please. What do you want from me?” (labored breathing)

TALIESIN: What do you know?

MATT: “About what?”

TALIESIN: I shoot him in the right hand.

MATT: (gunshot, screams) It’s an easy enough hit, he’s prone before you. Three of his fingers are blown off, and the bloody stumps. (gasps, grunts) Shaking. (panting) “I’m sorry. I don’t– look– ”

TALIESIN: You’re from Whitestone, yes?

MATT: “I am. You don’t know what it’s like. I had no choice.”

TALIESIN: Well, you do now. I reload again and put it on his left hand.

MATT: “Please don’t, please.” The rest of you are gathered, and you step out from the edge of the window and make your way with the rest of the crowd, and they’re watching this display on the front of the palace.

TALIESIN: Frederick de Rolo.

MATT: “Yes?”

TALIESIN: Where is he?

MATT: “He’s gone. He’s gone, sir. I’m sorry.”

TALIESIN: Lady Johanna.

MATT: “They’re all gone. Sir, they all–”

TALIESIN: Julius de Rolo.

MATT: “I don’t know.”

TALIESIN: Vesper de Rolo.

MATT: “I don’t–”

TALIESIN: Whitney de Rolo. Ludwig de Rolo. Oliver de Rolo.

MATT: “Your family is gone, sir. They were taken. They were killed. I’m sorry.”

TALIESIN: You will tell us everything you’ve seen.

MATT: “They’ll find me, sir. They’ll kill me.”

TALIESIN: No, they won’t. Because I will kill you first. Tell me what you’ve seen.

MATT: And with that we’re going to go to break.

(yelling)

LIAM: Wow.

LAURA: You’re not dead!

KIT: Yay!

TALIESIN: Thank you for not dying!

LAURA: Hopefully, you won’t turn into a vampire. You did get bit.

ORION: I think that works, is like, if it goes all the way down to zero–

BreakEdit

[break]

Part IIEdit

MATT: Welcome back, guys. Couple of quick things before we jump into this. One, we are 38 subs from our next giveaway. Giveaway is for those who are active in chat, get a signed photo of the cast of Critical Role, as well as a signed piece of art, wonderful piece of art from our Kit Buss who’s right here with us.

MARISHA: Have you guys seen them? They’re awesome.

MATT: It’s pretty awesome, it’s a wonderful piece of art of Keyleth transforming into an earth elemental and attacking K'Varn in the K'Varn fight. So yeah, we have that coming up. Also we have the winner of our shirt giveaway tonight. The winner is one Blair Beverage!

(cheering)

MATT: Free shirt. We’ll get this to you, so congratulations and thanks for watching tonight.

LIAM: Real talk, the winner here tonight is me.

MATT: I was so scared.

TALIESIN: You win another day.

MARISHA: It’s been one of the most emotional nights of my life.

MATT: So. As you all begin to gather around on the front of the courtyard of the palace, you can see some of the guards start rushing out amongst the splinters of this carriage that has been royally destroyed by many of you.

ORION: Do I see that everybody’s safe?

MATT: Yeah, you get the sense that there is no immediate danger.

ORION: Okay. I’m going to use my lizard-brain and sniff out immediately Allura, and I’m going to go find her.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Do we see him go find her?

MATT: You guys currently are too engrossed with Percy currently pinning a young boy on the ground and shooting his hand off.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: He’s currently like, “Please. What do you need? Just let me go. Please.”

TALIESIN: I want you to spend the rest of your life making up for the things you’ve allowed to happen. I now take the butt of my gun and I’m going to knock him unconscious.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: I don’t quite know. I’m just rolling, but I’d normally get 21.

MATT: 21, at the point of life he has left (whack). Yeah, he just (impact) falls and crumples to the ground unconscious, pool of blood forming.

TALIESIN: Are there soldiers coming?

MATT: There are guards coming now from the palace.

TALIESIN: Put him in a cell.

MARISHA: Wait, we can put him in our cell.

LAURA: Yeah, put him in our cell.

MARISHA: We’ll bring him to Greyskull Keep.

LAURA: But make sure he doesn’t bleed out first.

MARISHA: He’s fine. He’s not bleeding. It was non-lethal damage, right; he’s not bleeding out.

MATT: Well, not from the head but he is missing three fingers from one hand and is currently pooling.

MARISHA: All right, I’ll solder up his wounds a bit, make sure he doesn’t die.

MATT: Okay, so taking care of that. He’s unconscious. You guys all take a moment to breathe in and realize the danger that just transpired. The Briarwoods got away. God knows where they’re off to. You gather somewhere back in their territory, on their own turf. And you all look about at the guards gathering, making questions, and there are now two guards very intensely harrying this tiefling that showed up out of nowhere and began aiding the battle. You see now, one guard has an arm going to your shoulder and says, “You, what’s your name? What’s your business "here? You do not have approval to be here at the palace.”

KIT: I have been working here for months. You did not notice?

MATT: “I think we would notice a tiefling in our midst. You’re under arrest. Throw her in the cell.”

LIAM: I walk forward and slap my hand on the guard’s arm and say, we saved Uriel, you will stand down now. Uriel would not be alive if not for the people around you now. She’s fine. Walk away.

MATT: The guard gives you a look and says, “As far as we know right now, you both, all of you, attacked two of our guests in the center of our own palace. They managed to flee. We’re going to investigate this. Currently we’re holding no one at immediate prison sentence for this, but–”

LIAM: You realize your lord would not be alive now were it not for us, don’t you?

MARISHA: Also, you’re a common guard. I’m speaking because Tiberius would say this, and he’s not here right now because he’s a little stupid at the moment, but do not interfere with the businesses that we have already arranged with people who have higher authority than you. Back off.

MATT: Make an intimidation check.

MARISHA: Oh, I’m not good at this shit. I’m going to train in it. It’s coming.

MATT: You do get a d6 inspiration dice.

MARISHA: I also still have Scanlan’s.

MATT: Well, if you already have Scanlan’s, then that’s all you need.

TRAVIS: And I walk over and stand behind her.

MARISHA: I’m going to add my Scanlan. 15.

MATT: All right. The guard looks at you for a second, then steps away. “I mean no offense, understand we’ve had–”

LAURA: What’s up? What’s good?

MATT: He relinquishes the hand on the side of the tiefling and says, “We’re going to investigate this. I mean no disrespect to you. You’ve been much aid to Emon. Just understand, this is a very peculiar circumstance. Please, we’ll call you when it’s time to get your opinions and your perspectives on the evening’s events.”

MARISHA: No, we’ll call you.

MATT: “We need to go ahead and notify–” at this point you can see now, Tiberius, you’ve stepped up in front of the stairs as Allura comes rushing out to inspect everything and sees you.

ORION: (groaning, fumbling) And I go to Lockheed, and I use my telepathic bond that I have with my pet. And I convey to him, to tell her, I emote to him, with my telepathic link with him, and I (foreign words).

MATT: You can’t even form language thoughts.

ORION: That’s what I emote to him.

MATT: You can give him an emotion. That’s the most you can get to him right now

ORION: Right, and I try to have him telepathically tell her.

MATT: Tell her what emotion?

ORION: Help.

MATT: Okay.

ORION: I do this.

MATT: She steps forward and says, “Tiberius–”

MARISHA: The universal symbol for I’m choking.

ORION: (frustrated noises)

MATT: And you just breathe flame out and Allura steps back for a second, “Tiberius, are you all right? You’ve been cursed by something. Hold on.” She takes your head and holds you in place to calm you down. “Tiberius, calm yourself.” And begins to inspect you, running her fingers up the side of your snout and like, “This is not good, this is very powerful magic. I don’t know if I have capability of doing this really, you need a cleric. Please, sit tight, stay right here.” The rest of you, as the guards back away, you’re left alone and the rest of the group are looking upon you in a curious way.

LAURA: Vampires!

SAM: And a tiefling.

TALIESIN: I want to inspect the carriage to see if there’s anything interesting about the carriage.

LAURA: Are you hurt? Did they do anything to you? You were unconscious.

LIAM: They bit me.

LAURA: I search him and look for any mark.

LIAM: I don’t feel right. I think I need to go to a temple.

MARISHA: Can I do a health check on him?

MATT: You can make a medicine check, sure. Percy, go ahead and roll an investigation check

LIAM: I think I’m dangerous.

MARISHA: 18.

MATT: Okay, yeah, there are definitely two puncture wounds on the side of his neck

LIAM: You need to put me in the dungeon very soon.

SAM: I’ve read about this. We bury him under the ground for five days and five nights, all will be better.

ORION: That’s kimchi.

SAM: Well, it could be. Could be kimchi. Either way, it will be very tasty.

TALIESIN: Eight.

MATT: Most everything that would be of interest has been destroyed in the sheer force of the explosion. The carriage is in tatters. There’s not much you can really glean from it, unfortunately.

MARISHA: What time of day is it?

MATT: Time of night. Right now, it’s probably cresting close to 10:00 or 11:00PM.

MARISHA: Would the Sarenrae temple still be open? It’s a church. They’re 24 hours, right?

MATT: I mean, (laughs) the temple is always there, per se. I mean, there are multiple temples in the city as well. The Sarenrae temple is the one you know best.

LAURA: I turn and look. You.

SAM: What’s your name?

LAURA: You helped us.

SAM: Your real name.

KIT: You have interesting taste in enemies, almost as interesting as mine. My name is Lillith.

MARISHA: Lillith? That’s so pretty.

KIT: Thank you, as are you also, might I add.

LAURA: Interesting taste in enemies. Do you know anything about vampires?

KIT: Regrettably, not as much as I would like. But your brother? He does look, not as healthy as I imagine he may usually.

SAM: Are you a healer of some sort?

KIT: I am not.

TRAVIS: Oh, what do you deal in?

SAM: And why did you infiltrate the castle? That’s how the British people say it

KIT: Oh, really? Well.

SAM: Aluminium.

LAURA: Laboratory.

ORION: Astronaut.

MARISHA: Let’s just keep listing words, guys.

KIT: Lift.

MARISHA: Lift!

KIT: I think you have currently more pressing matters than my concerns, my presence here in the castle.

LAURA: Then you’ll come with us?

KIT: If that is what you wish.

LAURA: Yes.

MARISHA: Where are you from? Your accent’s so–

LAURA: It’s wonderfully interesting Keyleth, but we need to get my brother to a cleric.

MARISHA: Oh, right, yeah.

MATT: At this point, as you guys are discussing, and you’re already nervous that you’re out in the open anyway. You’re not under one of your various guises. You feel this warm bolt of heat in your upper torso area. And you guys watch as suddenly across the front of her chest, this strange, glowing, red eye-like sigil (flame noises) emblazons across the front and then slowly fades.

SAM: I am just looking at the symbol, I am not looking at anything else.

LAURA: What was that?

MARISHA: Are you all right? Are you with the Briarwoods?

KIT: No, but I must leave. I must leave this place right now. Immediately. I drop a shroud of illusion over myself again, become the maidservant.

MATT: You guys watch her visual image shimmer back into that of a servant. And even through the illusion there is still this dull, pulsating red, glowing arcane mark of an eye, that’s slowly shimmering on the front of her torso.

LAURA: Can you come with us to a temple?

KIT: For not long. I cannot linger.

SAM: What is that mark on you?

KIT: This is the mark of the Broker.

SAM: The Broker?

KIT: The Broker. He has been seeking me and I have been hiding here, but no longer. He has found me. This mark, it means that I cannot hide any longer. I must leave.

SAM: You helped us in battle. Do you need us to help hide you?

KIT: I would not drag you into my troubles. I know who you are, you are Vox Machina.

LAURA: How did you know about us?

KIT: Some of you traveled with my cousin Zahra.

(gasps)

LAURA: Oh my gosh, Zahra! She’s so wonderful. I love her so much!

KIT: We are very close. She is a dear friend of mine, but she told me of you. I know you have your own troubles. I would not drag you into mine.

MARISHA: Well look, we’ve got to make a pit stop at the temple of Sarenrae, anyway. Why don’t you at least join us, and then we can at least go back to Greyskull keep for dinner, because we also have to drag this prisoner back there. It’s along the way.

LAURA: Yes. Any watcher that comes after you we’ll fight them. We’re very strong right now and full of health.

TRAVIS: And we protect things with tails.

MATT: A voice rings out suddenly from behind you towards the palace. “All of you, stop your business.” And you look and you see there in his robes, Uriel, which you summoned, standing at the front of the palace. “Am I to understand there has been a scuffle with my guests?”

LAURA: Your guests are vampires. Look at my brother right now.

MARISHA: And Tiberius is–

SAM: An idiot.

MARISHA: He’s an idiot. I don’t know where he’s an idiot right now. Damn it, we lost Tiberius.

SAM: He’s even more of an idiot.

LIAM: (calling out) Tiberius!

MATT: You see now on the front steps sitting there next to Allura, who’s cradling him, as he’s unsure of what is happening.

LIAM: Oh, do we see them?

MATT: You do, yes.

LAURA: Look at his neck.

MATT: Uriel looks and says, “I’m certain there is some sort of explanation for this.”

LAURA: You invited vampires into your palace.

MARISHA: You invited them in.

MATT: “We will investigate. Look, the Briarwoods are esteemed guests of ours, and friends. So this is going to be taken very seriously.”

LIAM: You can have whatever mages you want cast truth on me. I was bitten. This threat is real.

TALIESIN: The Briarwoods murdered the de Rolos and took Whitestone. I have proof. I was there.

MATT: “Then we shall have to have a conversation. For the time being, take care of this one. Tomorrow, when the sun rises, find yourself back to the palace. I would very much like to speak with you. This disturbs me.”

TALIESIN: I would recommend, Uriel, dis-inviting them for now.

LIAM: We have earned your trust, have we not?

MATT: “You have. As have they.”

KIT: If I may, my lord. I was present for– please excuse me addressing your grace, but I was present for the battle, and I did see, oh! Quite a set of teeth he had. Oh, dreadful pale. And oh, terrible. Oh, flames everywhere and ripped dresses and heaving bosoms. Oh my lord! It was awful!

MATT: “All right.” Go ahead and make a persuasion roll.

SAM: She’s a common servant girl. She wouldn’t lie!

MARISHA: Yes. Look, she is traumatized.

KIT: 18?

MATT: “Very well, calm yourself, calm yourself.”

LAURA: It’s all right darling. It’s all right.

KIT: Oh! It were awful!

SAM: We’ll take care of her for now.

KIT: Oh, I’m getting the vapors! Oh no.

MATT: “Take care of her. We’ll talk tomorrow. Bring me what proof you have. This is a very, very serious thing you’re discussing.”

MARISHA: We’ll talk to him in the morning. We got to go.

MATT: You guys gather up–

MARISHA: I turn into a horse and pick up Vax and Vex and take them to Sarenrae’s temple.

MATT: Okay, you guys leap onto the back of Keyleth as she rides off.

LAURA: I hold onto your mighty mane, and then him as well.

MATT: Allura takes Tiberius, takes you by the elbow, and leads you over the rest of the group as they ride off. “If you are, indeed, going to a cleric, perhaps you should take Tiberius with you. "He’s not well.”

SAM: He seems totally normal to me. Seems like every day. Yep, that’s pretty much basic him.

TRAVIS: Is Seeker Asum still around?

MATT: Seeker Asum currently is nowhere near this situation.

ORION: I lick all of Vox Machina.

MATT: All that are present, because many are now riding away on a horse. (laughs) But the rest of them get a fine licking.

TRAVIS: Oh jeez, no!

ORION: I lick Grog the most.

TRAVIS: Smells like flies.

MATT: You all manage to make you way up to the temple of Sarenrae. The lantern light of the interior of the temple’s main structure is low, as it is late in the evening. Nevertheless, the gates are always open. And as you enter, you are greeted by two clerics that are dressed in long, flowing yellow and gold robes, and there is one elderly cleric that you recall. The one that led the resurrection ritual on Pike. Not but almost a year ago actually.

LAURA: I hop down off of Keyleth.

(laughter)

LAURA: I take you down, as well. And I say, please, please sir, I hope we’re not disturbing you, but we need your help again.

LIAM: I totally eat it and just hit the ground.

TRAVIS: That wasn’t my fault.

MATT: The two younger clerics step away as the older one steps forward. He’s balding on top, this long straggly white gray hair that crests–

ORION: I go up to him and start sniffing him. (sniffing noises)

MARISHA: He used to be a very intelligent sorcerer. This is part of the problem.

MATT: “There does appear to be arcane residue on this one. Yes, we could hope to cleanse him of this. Come, enter. Light the lanterns.” And the clerics all start turning up various lanterns, and the magical light source of it as soon as you enter the temple. A cold ripple sensation begins to curl on the back of your neck as you step in. As you do step in, too, the two clerics give you a look, and are uncomfortable with the presence. And as it has, you guys, through your travels, you have encountered very few tieflings, let alone on this continent. In fact, most you have met were in Vasselheim. This one in Emon stands out like a sore thumb and everyone seems to be just a little put off by her presence.

LAURA: I thought she was disguised.

MATT: That’s right. Never mind, I retract that entire sequence.

KIT: He’s still looking nervous.

MATT: As she comes out of this feverish daydream, none of that happened.

(laughter)

LIAM: I’m so glad that didn’t happen.

MATT: Illusions. All right, so. As you guys enter the center of the chamber. He begins burning various incenses. As you step up, the cleric says, “Understand, these services are intensive in the costs required to present them to you.”

LAURA: We’ll pay whatever cost you need.

SAM: No, we should haggle, don’t you think?

LAURA: No.

ORION: I lick the cleric.

MATT: (chuckles) The cleric: “Oh no, that– that’s, that’s very–”

SAM: How much will it take to save our friends?

LAURA: Sir, anything.

MATT: He says: “For this one, we require a donation to the temple of Sarenrae of a hundred gold pieces.”

LAURA: Oh, done.

MATT: He steps forward, and touches the side of your head on your temple and begins to focus. The symbol of Sarenrae begins to glow on the front of his clavicle. And suddenly, you can see these strange, gray veins that had wrapped around the sides of Tiberius’s head retract, dissipate then fade, as intelligence swells back into your brain. And for the first time in at least the past half an hour or so, you are back to being Tiberius Stormwind.

ORION: (licking sounds)

SAM: Well, that’s uncalled for.

MARISHA: Could there be side effects or something?

ORION: No, I just wanted to really do that. That was really inconvenient. Let’s help Vax.

SAM: Oh. You’re with us again.

ORION: Yes.

SAM: Oh, well, welcome back. How was it, being dumb?

ORION: I was quite frightened, most of the time. I didn’t know what was going on. I couldn’t cast spells and I was– Let’s help Vax.

LIAM: You didn’t shit yourself, so you’re a winner.

ORION: That’s good, yes. You shit yourself, Vax? I cast Prestidigitation on his butt.

LIAM: What the– Oh.

LAURA: You’re clean; don’t worry.

MATT: Okay. As you bring Vax forward, the cleric leans forward. “What is wrong with this one?”

LAURA: He was bitten by something quite unholy.

MATT: “Oh. The good news is, if you’re standing here, then most of the danger is gone. However, there might be some residual of the infection.” He leans forward and inspects it for a second, reaches into his pouch and pulls out some herbs and presses them into it. It burns a little bit.

MARISHA: Ooh, do I recognize what herbs he’s using?

MATT: Make a nature check.

MARISHA: Nature check?

LIAM: Is it sticky?

MARISHA: 19, so 29.

MATT: This is glissfoil. Glissfoil is used by many medicinal practitioners as a means of burning away infections and cleansing wounds.

TALIESIN: He didn’t even look down. He just said it.

LIAM: Who didn’t know that here, honestly.

MATT: As he presses in, he looks to you. “As long as this doesn’t get infected, it should be all right. I assume, based on what you say, the nature of these wounds, that is some sort of–”

LAURA: They drank his blood.

MATT: “Vampirism.”

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: “From what I know of vampirism, it requires many tastes of your life force and bringing you to the threshold of death and beyond to truly turn you.”

LIAM: Listen, doc, I can’t bite anybody here. Are you sure?

MATT: “Unless this is some unnatural thing beyond classic vampirism, you should be fine.”

LIAM: What do you mean, unnatural?

LAURA: Well, any vampirism is a little unnatural.

MARISHA: Excuse me? Do you actually have any extra of that glissfoil or any seeds that I could take with me? That way I can just keep up on his daily disinfection.

MATT: “Certainly.” He reaches into a pouch and pulls out a handful of glissfoil. It’s like a dried yellowish green leaf that curls in itself a little bit and gives it to you.

MARISHA: Thank you so much.

ORION: As it happens, I reach for my decanter and I can control the charge; it’s just charged, but I dissipate the charge. But also keep it for a little bit? No, I dissipate the whole thing. And I turn to the cleric and I go, oh holy man which cured my mind, would you be so graceful as to use the force of Sarenrae to bless the water in my canteen?

SAM: To what the water?

ORION: To bless it. I’m going to hold it up above my head way too dramatically.

MATT: “There are rituals, but they take some time. If you’d like to leave it here, we could make use of this and bless the contents of it, yes.”

ORION: No, I thought you could like do a Hosannah and get me out of here.

MATT: “Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. But should you require such blessing, we would be happy to oblige.”

ORION: Wonderful! How many days, give or take, do you think it might take to accomplish?

MATT: “For that amount there? Two days.”

ORION: Oh wonderful! We’ll be here for two days, guys?

LIAM: Probably will.

ORION: I’ll leave it with you.

MATT: “For this volume–” He looks at it for a second and says, “This is an enchanted vial, is it not?”

ORION: Yes! Good eye!

MATT: “I’m curious to see how this will interact with the enchantment. We’ll try. We’ll put it at a 25 gold donation for the two days of enchantment.”

ORION: I give you 50.

MATT: “Thank you.”

ORION: Thank you for your service. The other 25 is for my brain.

MATT: “Well, is there anything else I can do to help you this evening?”

SAM: Thank you for all your assistance. Did he tell us a price for fixing Vax?

MATT: “That was a simple disinfection. There’s no price for that. We’re happy to heal here.”

LAURA: Thank you so much.

SAM: Our friend Pike would be much, much grateful for your service.

MATT: “Pike Trickfoot?”

MARISHA: Yes, do you remember her?

LAURA: She’s in Vasselheim, restoring another temple of Sarenrae at this moment.

LIAM: Spreading the good word.

MATT: This deep smile brings his face from this deep melancholy tentativeness to this warmth you hadn’t seen before, and he goes, “I had not known that our lady had reach as far as Vasselheim.”

(offscreen thud)

LIAM: Oh dear.

MATT: “It appears you’ve messed yourself.”

LIAM: Sorry! Is that blessed holy water? I’m sorry. I’ll pay for that.

MATT: “I’m happy to hear that she has continued carrying her faith to distant lands, and that she has recovered well since our last meeting.”

LAURA: She has.

LIAM: She’s thriving.

MATT: “Good.”

SAM: And one more thing before we leave. If you need any items, be they gear or blades, go to Gilmore’s! Gilmore’s Glorious Goods! Today!

ORION: You don’t have to sell it–

SAM: We’re supposed to plug him, right? I don’t know.

MATT: Make a persuasion check.

LIAM: That was a little ham-fisted, but he does speak the truth. Gilmore makes a quality item.

SAM: 25.

LIAM: That was very awkward, Scanlan, but it’s true.

MATT: He goes “Gilmore? I think I’ve seen that shop around.”

LAURA: They’re opening a shop in here– just kidding. There’s a shop here!

SAM: There is a shop here!

MATT: “Me and the clerics might have to go see it, then.”

MARISHA: Tell them Vox Machina sent you!

SAM: And you get ten percent off.

LIAM: If you say Vax'ildan sent you, you might get 15.

MATT: “Good to know. Appreciate that. Nevertheless, sleep calls to me. I must get back to–”

LAURA: Sleep calls to us as well, sir.

MATT: “Well, good night and adieu to you all.”

LAURA: Thank you for opening your doors.

SAM: Hey, oh, what was your name? For the next time we have a dead ally.

LIAM: (laughs) Oh, tomorrow, you mean?

MATT: “Tristan.”

SAM: Cleric Tristan? Thank you, Cleric Tristan.

MATT: “Of course.”

SAM: Blessed be Sarenrae’s name.

ORION: And I awkwardly bow out and say: See you in two days, oh mighty brain fixer.

MATT: He steps back. The lights dim on the inside of the temple as you exit. You guys step out into the cold night air on the streets of Emon.

LIAM: (yelling) I’m alive!

LAURA: That’s loud. That hurt.

TRAVIS: Sorry, headphones.

LIAM: I am sorry to everyone watching at home for blowing out the mic, but gods damn it, I’m alive.

SAM: That was close.

MARISHA: Yeah, actually, while we walk back to Greyskull, what happened?

LIAM: I thought that I could get a peeky-poo at what they actually were, who they were, and let’s face it, I fucked up is what I did. And Grog? You may shave off my pubic region, or draw a dick on my head, if you want, tomorrow. Vex'ahlia, I’m sorry for not staying close by. Scanlan, we’re good.

SAM: I saved your life.

LIAM: Tiberius, you are smart and I am very stupid. You are extremely handsome and I am ugly.

ORION: I don’t disagree with any of that.

MARISHA: It would have been true 30 minutes ago.

LIAM: And I’m sorry. And Percy, I’m especially sorry. To you most of all. We weren’t ready, you weren’t ready.

TALIESIN: We haven’t failed. It’s not over yet. I’m not done.

LAURA: We’ll hunt them down.

MARISHA: They said your family was still there.

TALIESIN: They’re liars. My family is dead.

SAM: We’ll track them down, we’ll find them, we’ll kill them, and seek revenge.

ORION: And then we’ll loot their bodies.

TALIESIN: I don’t think we’ll have to.

SAM: You don’t think we’ll have to?

TALIESIN: I think they’re going to find us.

SAM: They won’t attack us! We’re many, and they’re few.

TRAVIS: That we know of.

ORION: Just because we’re in a keep does not mean we are safe.

LAURA: We need to set alarms around our keep.

SAM: We also need to protect our new friend, Lillith fair, over here.

LIAM: Is that your last name?

SAM: Well, she’s white, so I thought maybe–

KIT: My family name is Daturai.

MARISHA: How do you spell that?

KIT: (chuckles) In your tongue? D-A-T-U-R-A-I.

LIAM: I lost track after the D.

KIT: You have had a rough evening, it’s understandable.

LAURA: I hope you’ve learned your lesson.

LIAM: It’ll be two weeks, at least, before I do anything–

LAURA: Quite so stupid and reckless–

MARISHA: We had a code word.

ORION: We had Jumanji!

LAURA: Jenga.

ORION: Oh, sorry. Damn it!

LAURA: Where’s Trinket?

MATT: You look back at this point and you see, as you guys are reaching the outer wall of Emon, (galloping noise) behind you. (happy bear noises) Rubs up against you. (moans)

LAURA: Your uncle almost died! I almost died. Did you know I almost died, darling?

MATT: Licks the side of your face.

LIAM: I lean in, and I lick his nose with my own tongue. And then I let him lick me all over the place.

MATT: (sloppy bear noises)

TALIESIN: Vax.

LIAM: Yeah?

TALIESIN: Thank you. Thank you for your risk. Yes, you were foolish, but thank you.

TRAVIS: I walk up to Vax and I extend my hand, and I say, I’m glad you didn’t die.

LIAM: I love you, Grog. Would you like to draw balls on my forehead?

TRAVIS: And I reach back, and I backhand him as hard as I can.

(laughter)

MATT: Roll an attack.

LIAM: I don’t move at all. I just take it.

TRAVIS: 22.

MATT: Go ahead and roll a d4, divided by two.

LAURA: That’s a six.

TRAVIS: No, it’s two.

MATT: Two plus your strength modifier, which I believe is four. So you take six points of backhand, bludgeoning damage as Grog (whacking). The echo from the impact.

TRAVIS: And I say, no one kills you but me.

LAURA: You deserved that.

LIAM: Yeah.

ORION: Let’s all get some rest, shall we?

SAM: Yes, but we’ll have to prepare ourselves for an attack or perhaps stalk them and kill them?

TALIESIN: Well, we’re going to find out in a minute.

MARISHA: And don’t we have a prisoner?

LAURA: Yes.

SAM: And we have a guest.

MARISHA: Yes, and we still haven’t found what the Broker– who he is, or what he is.

SAM: Do you need to run from the Broker, or can you stay with us for a few days?

ORION: Do you owe some money? I don’t understand.

KIT: How well guarded against scrying is your keep?

SAM: Not at all.

LIAM: What about your room, Tiberius?

ORION: Yes.

LAURA: You’re guarded against scrying in your room?

ORION: Guards against scrying? Yes, of course!

SAM: Is that true?

LAURA: Against scrying.

MARISHA: I’m pretty sure we would have to have an enchantment on our keep that would guard against scrying.

MATT: As you guys are having this discussion, a voice rings out behind you and says, “Don’t worry. It’s not going to help you.”

TRAVIS: Is that little shitty Mr. Missing One Hand?

MATT: No. You turn around and look, and you can see a gentleman standing there about 25 feet away from you. You see dark brown and black studded leather armor with a cloak over one shoulder. Standing straight, with a grin. Deep dark red skin, burning yellow eyes and jet black, slicked hair between two horns that jut back. A tiefling stands there, looking forward, with two individuals flanking from side to side that are slowly stepping–

ORION: I don’t know what they do, but I’m raising my arm up. Who goes there? Who are you? I’ve had a really bad day.

MATT: The tiefling, the male tiefling, steps up forward and says, “I’ve no quarrel with any of you. We’ve been scouring this city for a fugitive for a number of weeks. And as luck would have it, you guys happened to smoke her out of her hole.”

MARISHA: I go ahead and crack my staff on the ground and cast Anti-life Shell.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: And are they at the door?

MATT: You guys are walking from the outside of the wall to your keep.

LIAM: Where are they?

MATT: Right now? They are coming from Emon. You guys are in this in-between section between your keep–

LIAM: We’re outdoors? We’ve left the temple?

MATT: You are, yes. And we’re going to go ahead and have you guys roll initiative.

MARISHA: Get close to me!

MATT: Keyleth started this.

MARISHA: Get close– what? Did I? But that’s a spell I cast on myself.

MATT: Right. Casting spells, generally, for most people is a bad idea.

KIT: Natural 20!

(cheering)

MATT: All right, so from a visual perspective here.

ORION: Yo, Stoneskin’s up, dude. I didn’t get to say that shit.

MATT: Stoneskin’s up on you, Anti-life Shell. Who is where?

TRAVIS: Tibs and I are in the front, right? Because we both took aggressive postures.

MARISHA: The closer to me you are, the more you’ll be guarded by the shell.

TRAVIS: Who said I want to be guarded?

MARISHA: You can still fight around it. They just can’t get in.

MATT: All righty. Trinket is over this side here.

TALIESIN: And we have a prisoner.

MATT: The prisoner was brought to your keep by the guards.

TRAVIS: As close to the enemy as possible. Tiberius and I took the aggressive stance.

MATT: Yes, you guys would be up that way. All right.

LAURA: Oh no, why is there more than one person?

TRAVIS: He said two people are flanking him.

MATT: As you look at this point, you notice the two individuals. To the left there is a sickly-looking older woman with dark, verdant clothing that flows and drags behind her. To the right is a shirtless humanoid with darker, scarred skin, very muscular, shirtless torso, wearing a white, featureless mask over the face. And they both curl to the sides. The initiative was… What’s the initiative order here? So who got 25 to 20? All righty. 20?

LAURA: 20.

KIT: 21.

ORION: And 20.

MATT: And 20 for you, as well? All right… Okay. 20 to 15?

SAM: 19.

MATT: 19, nice. Grog, what did you get?

TRAVIS: 18.

MATT: 18.

TRAVIS: My magic, man.

MATT: 15 to ten?

LIAM: 13.

MATT: 13.

MARISHA: 11.

MATT: All righty. Percy?

TALIESIN: 12.

MATT: What’d you say, Keyleth, you got 11?

MARISHA: 11. Bringing up the rears.

MATT: All right. Is that everybody? Cool. We’re good. So. As you (crash), how big is the radius of the Anti-life Shell?

MARISHA: Anyone within ten feet of me. A decent amount right now. Not Tiberius, not Scanlan.

LAURA: Not Trinket.

MATT: Not technically Grog, because Grog would be up front right there. So a ten-foot radius around you. And what does it do, Anti-life Shell?

MARISHA: Nothing aside from undead and constructs can get into it. You can still cast spells, and fire bows, and you can still do stuff. We can go out, they just can’t get in.

LAURA: That’s awesome.

MATT: The top of the round, the Broker goes. Rolled a very high initiative. High dex character.

TRAVIS: That is the Broker.

MATT: Yep. “Sweet Lillith, you’ve been a very bad girl. Nefertiri, Nethspira, and Bellenore would all like to have a word with you. They’ve paid quite a bit of sum, and proven legally: you need to be taken back. Now, to your friends here, it’s your choice: the easy way, or the hard way.”

KIT: I use Minor Illusion, one of my cantrips, and I puff up like a cloud of nightmare, and I glow, and my eyes come alight. My tail whips, my fangs get longer. Oh, I bet you did. I bet they paid you so much. You tell my sister, I hope her face still festers.

MATT: “Choice is made.” And with that, (whoosh) he vanishes from sight.

LIAM: Ooh!

MATT: That ends his turn.

ORION: Wait, is he casting that? Did he cast Vanish?

MATT: There was a casting, yes.

ORION: Sweet. Counterspell.

MATT: All right. Go ahead and roll a d20.

ORION: 4th-level, too.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: Do you mean 6th-level?

ORION: No.

MATT: It’s a spell.

ORION: (humming) What is this? What?

MATT: Oh no, it just fails. You don’t have to roll for this one, this is Invisibility. So as he goes to vanish, you “Oh!” as a reaction, pull out your Counterspell, and his image shimmers, and then returns. “Oh, that’s not even fair.”

ORION: I haven’t gotten to do much today. And you won’t, either.

MATT: Very good. Well, he’s then going to use his move action to shift over this way to there. All right, that ends him. Lillith, you’re up.

KIT: Okay. I would like to…

LIAM: Buy a vowel.

SAM: Come on, Kit Buss! Come on, fuck him up! Kit Buss!

KIT: Can I use Phantasmal Killer again, please?

MATT: If you’d like to, yeah. All right, against which one?

KIT: Against the Broker.

MATT: All righty, so he’s going to go ahead and make his wisdom saving throw. What’s your DC?

KIT: 17.

MATT: All right. Go ahead and roll 4d10 psychic damage.

LAURA: 4d10? Holy shit! Do you need extra ones? Here’s a gold one for you.

KIT: Thank you! Oh wow, I have so many pretty dice right now! It’s lovely. Ooh, yeah! Ooh, so 29.

LIAM: Little bit of Kit.

MATT: This is blending in, because the spell usually triggers on the start of his next turn. This is you both going at the same time, and conjoining your Minor Illusion fear into hitting him with this spell and working. It’s this combination of everything hitting at once. All right, and as that hits, you see, he looks at you, and his expression goes from glee to terror. And he’s immediately reconsidering his decision here. Do you want to stay where you are, or do you want to move?

KIT: I’ll stay where I am.

MATT: All right, that ends your turn. Vex, you’re up. Tiberius, you’re up at the same time. We’ll go with Vex first.

LAURA: I want to tell Trinket to cannonball over the two lined up right there!

MATT: All right, Trinket (galloping sounds) rolls forward and (bear rolling sounds). Both of them try to move out of the way, they both get their dex save. All right, so Broker manages to pull out of the way just in time. However, the other, the big, thicker character doesn’t quite have the dexterity to shift out of the way and takes the full impact. Okay. He suffers 14 points of bludgeoning damage as Trinket tears through.

LAURA: Eat it! Go, Trinket!

MATT: He is knocked prone.

LAURA: Good job, buddy! Little buddy!

MATT: That’s Trinket’s attack.

LAURA: Then I get a move, still. I mean, I get an action. I’m going attack him! I’m going to attack the Broker!

MATT: For how that works for you and your bear, because that’s his attack this turn.

LAURA: I mean, yes. I’m assuming that’s his attack, or was that his move?

MATT: Well, that’s his attack. It’s been a while since you attacked with Trinket.

LAURA: I get to have Trinket attack, and then I get to attack.

MATT: Once, right.

LAURA: Wait, attack action plus Trinket attack. It says one attack for me and two attacks for Trinket.

LIAM: Trinket gets two attacks.

MATT: You can make one attack yourself while commanding it, so you get one weapon attack.

LIAM: I think you should erase that and write seven.

MATT: As Trinket goes by, since it didn’t hit him, he gets an attack of opportunity on Trinket. Does hit. Trinket does take seven points of slashing damage from the Broker as he misses him and he hits as he goes by.

LAURA: But he’s got armor on. All right, fine.

MATT: He rolled a 21 to hit.

LAURA: Okay, and then I’m going to shoot an arrow. Okay. That would be 26.

MATT: 26 against the Broker? All right, go for it.

LAURA: 14. I’m going to assume– I mean, it’s probably way too far, but I want to keep my Hunter’s Mark on Lord Briarwood for the time being. So I’m not going to break that, even though he’s probably far away, so it’s just 14 damage to the Broker.

MATT: All right. The Broker’s going to make a concentration check. Maintains concentration. All right. As the arrow (whooshing) moves out of the way, hits the armor, and splinters past, not dealing any physical damage, but you see the Broker is now visibly shaken by the two members of the party and sweat is starting to bead. His confidence he strolled into is quickly failing. All right, that ends Vex’s turn. Tiberius.

ORION: Okay. Can I see the Broker where I am at now?

MATT: Grog’s in the way. You can barely see.

ORION: I doesn’t matter, I can see good enough. I’m going to spend three sorcery points and heighten my spell, which gives disadvantage on both those two rolls. I’m going to cast a 5th-level Fireball right on the cusp where it hits those two buttholes.

MATT: Here?

LIAM: Don’t hit Trinket!

MATT: Right there it would hit both of them and not hit Trinket.

ORION: There it is.

MATT: Okay, so they both have disadvantage on their saving throws?

ORION: That’s what heighten spell does.

MATT: Okay, cool. As you arc around the side, you release the one single beam of flashing red energy, sparks at the end of the finger, lobs forward. (explosion) With a gargantuan explosion, red flames swirl into the area, sending the whole area, the dark part of the night, open field alight. You see all the green, dried grass is immediately burnt to a black crisp. Go ahead and roll damage. What’s the DC?

ORION: 17.

MATT: Yeah, they both fail with disadvantage. Full damage.

SAM: All the dice!

ORION: All of them.

LIAM: (laughs) Oh my god!

ORION: And then I’m going to spend one sorcery point to empower the spell. And then I’m going to use the six and I’m going to choose one, two, three, and four, and five, and six to re-roll.

LIAM: Think of how handy that would’ve been against the Briarwoods.

ORION : Four, five, six. Okay, I’m going to roll these.

SAM: Much better.

LAURA: That’s amazing.

MATT: You can only use one metamagic option on a spell when you cast it.

ORION: Empower spell is the only one that doubles with any other metamagic. I can do it.

MATT: Oh interesting. Good to know. Thank you for the heads up. That’s cool. I like that.

SAM: 38. 41.

ORION: 46.

MATT: 46.

ORION: (spellcasting sound effect)

MATT: As the explosion bursts forth, the flames dissipate. You can see the Broker there looking angry, frightened. Immediately takes some of the flame…

ORION: Before he does that, I go (laughing), I look over at Keyleth, and I use bonus action to cast Misty Step and I go right next to her and I vanish.

MATT: Okay. You vanish behind her, and as he pulls back the flames and then releases them they snake between everyone and go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw.

ORION: I make it. But it’s fire?

MATT: It is fire damage.

ORION: Good, instead of missing it I’m going to (swoosh, gulps) swallow it. (grunts) That’s 20. My dex save was 20. Sorry.

MATT: Oh, okay, good thank you for the heads up on that.

TRAVIS: You swallowed it?

MATT: So you take half damage. The angry tiefling hits you with a Hellish Rebuke.

ORION: Blowing smoke through my nose (snorts).

MATT: It would be seven damage. You take half damage from fire, so that would be four fire damage as you take the Hellish Rebuke’s burst of flaming, dark, arcane energy and (gulps) swallow it and take it in. You blow it out the side of your nostrils. And it burns, but damn does it look cool.

ORION: And that’s my turn.

MATT: Scanlan, you’re up.

SAM: Me? Shit. Is that the old lady over there?

MATT: Over here on this side, yeah.

SAM: Okay, I’ll take a step towards her and I will try– it’s never worked for me, it probably won’t work. I’ll try Eyebite on her.

LIAM: This is the time. Right here, right now.

SAM: What do I roll? I’m doing it through my Horn of Clarity or whatever.

MATT: All right, so it’s a wisdom saving throw on her end. What’s the DC on that? Is it 19?

SAM: 19.

MATT: Okay. So no, that does not make it. So what’re you choosing?

SAM: Okay. I choose Sleep. (singing) Rock-a-bye, old lady.

MATT: So she turns around, she’s holding this gnarled wand in her hand, as she comes around she gives you this strange look and goes “What?” And falls unconscious on the ground asleep.

MARISHA: That’s awesome.

LIAM: “I didn’t watch Matlock–”

SAM: And then I’ll just inspire our new tiefling friend with a little sexy dance.

KIT: Is he always like this?

LAURA: Yes, he is. Don’t you feel so inspired?

KIT: Oh, you have no idea.

MATT: You take a d10 inspiration dice. It makes you laugh. It’s less of an attraction thing and more of a, “Oh, gnomes. They’re so small.”

KIT: Oh, how special.

MATT: All right, that ends your turn. Grog, you’re up.

TRAVIS: All right, everybody’s doing new stuff. With 50-foot speed, can I get to the far side of the old lady that’s sleeping?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Can I get like behind her so I can– I need the laser pointer.

TALIESIN: You want to get right there, right?

TRAVIS: Yes. Yeah, on the opposite side of her from where I am.

SAM: She’s asleep. What are you going to do?

LIAM: Kill that motherfucker!

MATT: You can get there.

TRAVIS: That’s what I’d like to do.

MARISHA: She will wake up. Unless you cleave her in half, she will wake up.

LAURA: It’s Grog. He doesn’t give a shit about that.

TRAVIS: I take out the Javelin of Lightning. I whisper the command word, which is Penelope, and I throw it in a straight line, which will hit all three of them, in a five-foot-wide line that extends 120 feet.

LAURA: You’re so smart, Grog!

TALIESIN: You just did math!

LAURA: Look at you! When it comes to battle, he knows things.

MATT: All right, so that’s five foot wide, so it’ll hit him and one of these, or her and one of these two guys. It hits something in a five-foot line.

TRAVIS: The guy that’s standing.

LAURA: Yeah, the Broker. Get the Broker.

MATT: So you pull it out and as you throw it downward. The javelin goes from a metallic blade into a bolt of arcing electric energy that slams downward. Penelope does not– not Penelope. You keep shouting it at me. The old woman on the ground gets no saving throw because she’s unconscious and she takes double damage.

TRAVIS: Double damage?

MATT: So 4d6.

TRAVIS: 4d6. 14.

LIAM: Killed that old woman so good.

TRAVIS: And if he makes a saving throw of a DC 13, it’s halved.

MATT: The javelin arcs through and goes towards there, and then he does make his dexterity saving throw against that. He’s a pretty dexterous guy.

TRAVIS: It takes a little shock, though.

MATT: Right, so it takes a little bit of damage which was, what was it you rolled, was it a 14? So it takes seven points of lightning damage for that, and then make a ranged attack on the actual javelin.

TRAVIS: What does that do? I don’t even have that on here. I have no idea.

MATT: Oh, sorry. That was against the target, so since he was the target, he takes the impact. The lightning bolt arcs through the old woman. She (screams) shakes awake, screaming as the bolt arcs upward from the ground, and right before it goes toward the Broker, as he rears back in fear, it solidifies into the javelin as it once again slams into the front of his torso. He’s like, (grunting, gasping). He pulls it out. Shakes it for a second, looking at it, confused.

TRAVIS: I look at Tiberius and I go, I did magic!

ORION: It was very impressive. Good job, Grog!

TRAVIS: Thank you! Penelope.

ORION: That’s my mother’s name.

LAURA: Oh no, he got up.

MATT: The guy gets up and only has a half move.

LAURA: Can he get that close?

MATT: On half movement, yeah. Runs up to you. As he does so you can see, holding on his side, gets up and goes bolting towards you, arcing around the side.

MARISHA: He runs, he runs smack-dab into my wall. My arcane–

MATT: Anti-life Shell. The Anti-life Shell does–

MARISHA: Blocks living things. They can’t come in.

ORION: Unless you invite them.

MARISHA: Like vampires.

MATT: It was a ten-foot radius you said?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Vax'ildan flips him the double birds as he hits the wall.

LAURA: From inside the wall.

MATT: So he’s unable to, just runs forward, hits the barrier, skids past, hold his place there instead then.

LIAM: That’s unfortunate!

MATT: However, has a spear.

LAURA: Oh shit.

(laughter)

MATT: Still rushes around with it, both hands on it, arcing towards you with it. That is going to be–

LIAM: Can I use Uncanny Dodge with it? Or is it too late?

MATT: Well, that’s okay, it rolled a three to hit, plus eight, that’s going to be an 11 so no. It just (whiffing) It swings wide with the spear. This is going very poorly for them. All right, Vax, it’s your turn now.

LIAM: Okay, so I look around at all these amazing people that I am so blessed to be with and barely even looking, I just go dagger, dagger, dagger over this asshole’s head at the Broker. Yeah. The first one is, not that great, but it’s all right. It’s an 18. These guys are dickheads.

MATT: All right, 18 against the Broker just barely hits.

LIAM: All right. That’s ten points of damage. The second dagger hits him, I hope. 19?

MATT: All right, that does hit, yeah.

LIAM: For ten points of damage. And then I’ll throw my Dagger of Venom at him, see what happens. Oh, the same hit, same amount. The last one hit. This one hits. That is three, six, nine. Plus, he has to make a saving throw against a DC 15 for poison.

MATT: Constitution. He is going to fail that.

LIAM: Yeah, go fuck yourself. That’s not the right die is what that is. Let’s see, poison damage is– that’s not great. Ten. Ten points of poison. You are awesome! (whooshing)

SAM: Wait, what if Lillith is the bad guy instead of the good guy?

LIAM: Kit Buss is not a bad guy!

MATT: All right, so you’re staying where you are?

LIAM: Where I am. I’ll stay where I am

MATT: All right. Percy, you’re up.

TALIESIN: Okay. I’m going to walk to the very edge of the spell right here, so I’m standing one closer to our friend there. Not just to you. I want to be close to the big strong schmuck.

MATT: Okay, so right there?

TALIESIN: Is the Broker holding anything? Is he, is he using a weapon?

MATT: The Broker you see has like a shortsword out. He’s currently tossing it and catching it.

TALIESIN: Just a shortsword?

MATT: Or he’s tossing it and catching it but like (grunts). He’s having a bad day. The Broker was not prepared for Vox Machina.

TALIESIN: Okay. Before I start to do anything I’m going to look at him, look him in the eye: What is wrong with you? Don’t you see there is nothing here for you? Run away before you die! There is no option! And I’m just going to start unloading. Natural 20!

(yelling)

LIAM: Damn, son!

TALIESIN: Pepperbox.

MARISHA: What is wrong with you?

LIAM: Percival de something something something de Rolo the III, you badass motherfucker!

TALIESIN: That’s 16 points of damage.

MATT: That’s to the Broker?

TALIESIN: To the Broker. I’m just shooting at the Broker.

MATT: 16 points? That is doubling the dice?

TALIESIN: That is doubling both of the dice. Now a sharpshooter shot.

MATT: The Broker can’t do anything. It already used its reaction.

TALIESIN: Sharpshooter shot misses. And another shot, seven, 19?

MATT: 19 hits.

TALIESIN: All right, cool. That’s eight points of damage. Blowing an action surge and firing three more times.

SAM: Three more? That seems terribly unfair.

TALIESIN: That’s 25… that’s ten points of damage, plus four points of fire damage. Sharpshooter shot. That’s a 22. That’s 21 points of damage. Another Sharpshooter shot with ice fire. Finally, I get the breakdown on that one. The gun jammed. I put it away.

MARISHA: But that was awesome. That was pretty dope.

TALIESIN: How many fired shots did I get? Was that five shots or six shots?

MATT: That, that was five shots. Well, all in all, it was six shots, but five hits.

TALIESIN: Okay, so I’m out of– all right. I don’t have any more actions.

MATT: Yeah. That’s okay (chuckles). First and foremost, How do you want to do this?

(cheering)

TRAVIS: Did you see the nostril? His little nostril twitch.

MATT: I feel bad for him.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Okay, I’m going to do something weird here and I’m going to hold you onto this. I’m going to get a little weird, and I’m taking straight chest shots and I’m just firing chest shots, and I’m just making a hole the size of a baseball in his chest. And as it happens, as I keep unloading, the gun still breaks and I’m still pulling the trigger.

MATT: (booming, gasping, coughing)

TALIESIN: (yelling) You fool, your soul is forfeit! Die! Die! I’m going to look at the other two and start pulling out my bigger gun.

MATT: Make an intimidation check with advantage.

TALIESIN: And putting on the fucking mask.

MATT: With a d6 inspiration dice.

LIAM: Picked a bad day to do your job, son!

TALIESIN: A d6 inspiration die?

MARISHA: And advantage. With advantage and a d6.

TALIESIN: Oh, this is embarrassing. 17, wait with intimidation, 19.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Mask, gun, fuck it.

MATT: Standing there, smoking, giant hole, Tombstone style, in the center of his chest. There would be no dripping, except for the cauterization of the heat round that exploded in his chest and is a blackened, cinderous tube where once there was a chest cavity. The Broker (death rattle, thud) falls onto his back with a smoldering spiral of black smoke pouring forth from the chest wound on the ground. As you stare at the other two, screaming that out, you can see the old woman who’s still on the ground. (panicked gasps) Looks extremely out of place and freaked out.

SAM: Sorry, Doris. You’d better just lie down.

MATT: The masked individual, from what you can tell behind the eyes of the mask, does not seem emotionally affected by this.

TALIESIN: Also, just checking, does my glove still have a charge, by the way?

MATT: It may.

TALIESIN: Okay. I mean, is there any indication, like it would have a slight glow to it.

MATT: There is a slight vibration. That ends your turn?

TALIESIN: That is the end of my turn.

MATT: All right. The old woman gets up and is like, (panicked gasps).

LIAM: (old lady voice) I feel happy. I feel alive.

SAM: You’re in Atlantic City. Everything’s okay.

MATT: As a bonus action, casts Misty Step and appearing 30 feet over here.

TRAVIS: Do I get to swing?

MATT: No. Because Misty Step happens.

TRAVIS: Damn Misty and her steps.

MATT: She stands up and vanishes in a swirl of vapor. She appears a little ways away in the field and immediately, (mumbles a spell).

ORION: Counterspell! 5th-level. Fuck it.

MATT: You would be able to, because it has been your turn, you would have your reaction back. So yes, you could. So go ahead and roll a d20.

LAURA: Matt’s like, damn you and your Counterspells. You’re ruining my plan.

ORION: 23.

MATT: (laughs) So she (mumbles a spell, gasps).

(laughter)

TRAVIS: That’s the best running I’ve ever seen! The little gait!

MATT: Tries to run away, the slippery wet grass, she slips a little bit as she’s trying to get away now.

LAURA: I feel bad for her.

MATT: That ends her turn. Keyleth, you’re up.

MARISHA: Upon seeing Percy go absolutely insane and screaming “Your soul is now forfeit,” out of shock, my Anti-Life Shell dissipates, and I spend my action staring at him.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: Wow. Going for the roleplay, not the damage.

MATT: The Broker’s not getting a turn. Lillith, you’re up.

KIT: Okay. I would like to use Animate Dead on the Broker, please.

LIAM: (gasps) You nasty woman, you.

LAURA: He’s so happy about it.

MATT: You can begin using it, because it’s a one-minute casting time. You have to get closer because you’re probably a ways away.

KIT: Right. Okay.

LIAM: You’ve got a naughty streak.

KIT: It’s my family. I cannot help it.

MATT: We’ll say, from there you begin concentrating on Animate Dead as you begin pulling through and speaking in guttural tones that have multiple layers of tonality and volume. It’s this weird symphony of discordant voices as she begins to speak. You can see now the smoking, ruined body of the Broker begins to shift and twitch on its own. So that’ll conclude your turn, Lillith. Vex and Tiberius, you guys are up.

MARISHA: You’ve got asshole.

LAURA: I’m going to attack him with a bow. I’m going to attack him with my Entangle arrow.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: All right.

MATT: The big guy?

LAURA: Yeah. The guy in the mask. He’s the only one left right? Oh, the old lady’s still running away? All right, I’ll attack the guy in the mask.

LIAM: That old lady has to die!

LAURA: That’s a 28.

MATT: Yeah, that definitely hits.

LAURA: All right, 15. Plus Entangle, whatever.

MATT: All right. Good to know. And so as you pull back the arrow and release it, there is that– the way that you constructed it, there’s just this pouch of very thick gooey– is this the spell or is it the actual arrow constructed by Percy?

LAURA: It’s the arrow.

MATT: Right, the one that he built? So what happens is that the front of the arrow, it doesn’t do any actual damage on the impact. Instead what it does is it, when it smacks into it, there’s a pouch in the front that detonates from the impact and sends this very quick-setting tar, like glue substance. That just spatters across the body and lower torso, it expands like a foam. There’s no damage on that one, but it’s currently (grunts) grappled by it and cannot move from its place.

LAURA: Awesome. And so I’ll shoot another arrow at the other lady.

MATT: Okay. Go for it. Roll for an attack.

LAURA: I know she’s running away, but she’s a bad guy. I didn’t hit her, though.

MATT: What did you roll?

LAURA: 16.

MATT: Heh. It’s funny– mages don’t have a lot of armor. Even with mage armor, you manage to hit her square in the back. Go ahead and roll damage.

LAURA: 16.

MATT: She goes (cries out) and stumbles, and catches herself and gets back up and you can see the arrow sticking straight up out of her back. Probably four inches into the back of her shoulder blade.

MARISHA: This is becoming a Monty Python sketch.

LIAM: (old lady voice) I feel fine. I feel happy.

MATT: Trinket growls (growls menacingly). She goes, (terrified shriek) and yelps out as the giant bear–

TRAVIS: Will you start running for us again, please?

MATT: When we get to her turn. I’m saving it.

LAURA: I’m going to command Trinket to run after her.

MATT: What’s Trinket’s movement?

LIAM: This is like an afternoon at the gym for us.

LAURA: I don’t have any idea. I don’t know.

MATT: Actually, I have it here. Trinket’s movement is 40 feet. Okay, that’s as far as Trinket can get right there. I have a little Trinket cheat sheet.

TALIESIN: That is the tiniest cheat sheet ever.

LIAM: Littlest character sheet ever. Can you hold that up again? Look how tiny it is! Aw, that big bear and that tiny piece of paper.

MATT: Okay, Scanlan, you’re up.

SAM: Wait, the guy in the mask is prone?

MATT: The guy in the mask is currently grappled. His lower body is currently held in this weird tar-like substance. He’s like, (grunts) trying to break free.

SAM: I only get one 6th-level spell but it says on Eyebite that every subsequent action, I can do it again.

MATT: You just choose somebody else to do it to, yeah.

SAM: I’m going to do it to her again. To the old lady again.

MATT: Let me see if you can. For another creature. But can’t target a creature again– oh, if it succeeded on a saving throw. You’re right, so she can. So what do you want to do?

LAURA: I think it’s Tiberius’s turn. He and I have the same initiative.

MATT: Oh, that’s right, sorry about that.

SAM: Oh, are you going to hold?

MATT: So he waits for you to finish. But he can hold his turn.

SAM: I’ll just run up, as far as I need to be within 60 feet and do it again to her.

MATT: Yeah, she’s within range. And what’re you doing?

SAM: Just fall asleep again. Back to sleep.

MATT: That is a 17. Nope. (panicked breathing) Falls asleep on the ground. With the arrow (arrow twang) right out of the back. And you acquiesce to Tiberius. It’s your go.

SAM: Oh, and I’ll inspire him. With a musical fart. (fart noise)

ORION: That was a wonderful toot, Scanlan!

SAM: Yes, thank you.

MATT: All right, d10 inspiration die. Tiberius, it’s your go.

ORION: Where do I put this d10? Doesn’t matter. Cool. I’m going to go as far as I can towards the old broad.

MARISHA: We’re focusing so much on this poor old woman and there’s big intimidating–

LIAM: Poor old woman? She’s an evil mercenary. She deserves to be taken out!

ORION: He hasn’t taken any damage, has he?

MATT: He’s taken quite a bit of damage

LIAM: Don’t be ageist! That is an evil bitch! She needs to be killed.

TRAVIS: Ageist?

MATT: All right, Tiberius, what’re you doing? She’s currently asleep on the ground. This guy’s like, (grunts).

ORION: Am I within 60 feet of the old lady? That’s pretty far still. Don’t know whether I am or not.

MATT: Nope, she’s just out of the range.

SAM: I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up!

ORION: Okay. I am within 120 right? So what I’m going to do instead, is I’m going to look down and I’m going to pull out my Krull Blade and I’m going to throw it in the air and cast Telekinesis on it (spinning).

MATT: Okay. As you do it catches itself, spinning in the air up ahead of you, (spinning) this strange vibrating high-pitched whine sound as the blades are spinning in rapid circular motion.

ORION: And I’m going to go, (swishing) and I’m going to huck it at the chick.

MATT: Okay. Go ahead and roll a spell attack roll.

ORION: That’s 31.

MATT: Yeah. It’s also a critical hit because she’s currently asleep. So it’s an auto-crit. So go ahead and roll 5d4. A d4 for each dagger on the spinning blade, spinning at high speed. Plus five. Or 5d4 times two plus five.

MARISHA: 5d4 times two plus five?

MATT: Yep. So just roll 5d4 and then multiply everything by two.

ORION: Six, seven, eight, nine, ten, 11, 12, 13.

MATT: So 26 plus five is 31 points of damage. The unconscious woman face down on the ground, the blade tears through and grinds a large wedge out of her back. Spraying a bit of gore across the nearby grass. Thankfully, she was asleep, so she probably didn’t feel it, it was so fast. But she is definitively gone.

MARISHA: We are being sadistic today.

ORION: And I’ll bring it back to me. I’ll keep it hovering, maintain the spell. I’m going to bonus action Misty Step towards where Grog is. That’s my turn.

MATT: I’ll say for the sake of brevity at this point, because you have a glued guy, and the entire team pretty much at full health here, over time you all slowly gather around the guy who’s glued to the ground. And he’s fighting at first, (grunts) and you see he lowers his head, giving into his fate.

ORION: Smart to not test your fate, boy.

TRAVIS: Lillith, can I go play t-ball with his head?

LIAM: No. Let him live. Let this one live.

TRAVIS: What, we’re letting people live now?

MATT: At which point the head lifts he goes: “No. Kill me, give me honor. I have fallen.”

LIAM: Oh, I’m sorry I retract that.

ORION: Krull Blade in the neck.

MARISHA: Oh you just elbowed me.

LIAM: Did you just hit Keyleth’s funny bone?

MARISHA: Yes, right in the funny bone.

ORION: It’s kind of funny.

LIAM: Grog, will you kill this guy?

KIT: If honor is what he wants, do not give it to him. Let him live.

LAURA: Ooh, I like it. I walk up and I take his mask off.

MATT: All right, you pull the mask off–

LIAM: I know what to do– Scanlan. This is your moment. Shit on his face.

LAURA: No, that’s disgusting!

SAM: Listen, that’s not just something I can do whenever.

LIAM: Who are you kidding?

SAM: I have to be in the mood, I need music, some nice lighting, I need to be wined and dined a bit.

LIAM: My sister’s right. Do it on his chest.

MATT: At which point, you pop the mask off, and from immediately beneath it reaches up and covers the face–

SAM: This is the Broker?

LAURA: This is the masked guy.

MATT: You can the face beneath. It’s humanoid, but right as you get past the nose and the mouth area, it’s all melted, like a horrible acid burn. There’s severe damage to the face. He looks at you and goes “Kill me. It’s all I have.”

LAURA: Sorry, darling. You live.

MATT: (angry growl) And it’s flexing and reaching out at you but it can’t quite get the range. It’s going to attempt to try to– no it just cannot break free of that (strained grunts). As you’re still concentrating on the spell, slowly the Broker steps up, the eyes rolled back and white, the giant wound in the chest, hobbles towards you.

LIAM: It was almost my turn. Can I throw daggers at him?

LAURA: No, she just reanimated him.

LIAM: You reanimated him? Oh then, never mind. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

MATT: As you pull your blade out, she commands and gives a hand motion, and the Broker hobbles towards her.

KIT: My sisters, they sent you? They are still hunting me?

MATT: You look down. The mark that was there on your chest has vanished. Upon the point of the Broker’s death, whatever enchantment was placed upon you that was keeping you under his gaze was abolished.

KIT: Return to Palac Lusterka and present yourself to my sisters. Let them see what good it will do them to hunt me.

MATT: Turns around and starts shambling off.

ORION: Oh, wait a minute, hold on. And I as he’s walking away, I’m going to loot that dude. Take shit off him. Come on. Hold on, let me take this.

MATT: There is a mostly ruined set of studded leather armor that is enchanted, plus one. It’s basic, but it’s need of serious repair as it currently has a large gaping hole in the chest area. And a shortsword. Plus-one Vicious Shortsword. As Tiberius is pulling everything off of the corpse as it’s trying to shamble away into the distance. Eventually, this half-naked ruined body of this tiefling begins stepping off into the night.

LAURA: What about the old lady? Do we get any loot off her?

MATT: (laughs) The old lady has mostly a basic wand. It’s a plus-one wand.

LAURA: Here’s a wand. I toss it back to them.

LIAM: Scanlan? Tibs? Who wants a wand?

SAM: I’ll take it. All right.

MATT: Plus-one Wand of the War Mage.

MARISHA: Plus-one Wand of the War Mage.

MATT: A simple Ring of Protection.

LAURA: There’s a ring. I take it, put it on. For the time being.

MATT: And about roughly 320 gold. Amongst the two of them. At this point in time, the other guy’s exhausted himself now, just still in place. You see the Broker vanish into the shadows, heading southward.

MARISHA: Shall we throw him in the pen with the other guy?

ORION: Hold on a second, why would we keep this one around to tell us now? What’d be the point? I will kill this man unless you give me a good reason not to.

KIT: I look at him and I ask, this? My sisters, they are responsible for this?

MATT: He gives you a look for a second. “I’ve been this my whole life. They gave me purpose. I follow them, and you’ve hurt the Mistresses.”

KIT: That is true. I did do something similar to Bellenore’s face. But they will not give you purpose. You are better out of their shadow. Trust me, I know. You should find better purpose for yourself. Go. Be free. I doubt that they will trouble you any more.

MATT: Make a persuasion roll.

LIAM: Plus? Plus zero.

SAM: You still have my inspiration.

LAURA: Inspiration! Plus ten!

LIAM: (singing) Scanlan make you feel good.

KIT: 15?

MATT: 15. The tension in the muscles eventually relaxes, and the head hangs. “I know not for what reason I live.”

KIT: You seem a capable fighter, yes? My cousin recently became member of the Slayer’s Take in Vasselheim. Perhaps you would care to go find purpose in testing your skills there?

LAURA: And if not there you can always fight in the Crucible.

MATT: (grunts)

KIT: They look for nothing but strength and honor.

MATT: At which point there’s a large cracking sound as the hardened foam breaks from one leg. (grunts) Breaks the other leg free and stands there now before you.

MARISHA: Your purpose in life is only what you make of it.

SAM: You can do anything. You could be President of the United States.

ORION: While this is going on, I’m writing on a piece of scroll right now. Which I give to him.

MATT: “I will walk, and I will think. Perhaps I will drown.” And he turns and starts walking towards the shoreline on the other side to the west–

TALIESIN: Lillith, does this mean you are free from those who are hunting you?

KIT: I’m very much afraid not. This is but one of the attempts my sisters have made to find me. However, I have no intention of returning to my home.

MARISHA: And what was the name of your homeland again? It sounded very exotic.

KIT: Palac Lusterka is the seat of my family. We go back very long way. But I would not recommend that you visit there. It’s not the most cheerful place.

ORION: Not tourist-friendly?

KIT: Not particularly welcome, no.

LAURA: I’ve heard some terrible things about– what is it, your father, is it? Or is it your uncle? Your uncle.

KIT: My family in general have interesting attitudes towards affection, shall we say. My sisters– well, you see, I’m not particularly cut out for making a good first impression. However, my sisters did always tell me that what was inside was most important. They did tell me this as they were removing intestines to divine with them, so perhaps maybe not usual meaning of this phrase, but Zahra is perhaps the member of my family that I like best.

LAURA: Understandably.

MARISHA: We all have those.

LIAM: All we care about is deeds. You’ve proven yourself to great depth today.

KIT: I believe in this circumstance I pale to my present company. I’ve heard many wonderful things about you from Zahra, and I’m honored to not only have met you, but also to have had your aid in this matter. I’m profoundly grateful. If there is ever any opportunity at which I can return the favor, I am not useful for much, but perhaps a little smoke and mirrors I can do.

ORION: I would actually like to know how you keep your horns so shiny and clean.

MATT: The cold wind picks up as the night air begins to darken, a distant storm blowing over the horizon to the northeast. The time draws late and cold.

MARISHA: Lillith, would you like to stay the night before you move on?

KIT: If I would not put you at any–

LAURA: Not even a little.

MARISHA: Please, have dinner with us.

KIT: Then it would be my pleasure.

LAURA: And we head back to the keep.

MARISHA: And I go in the back into the garden, and I take the glissfoil out of my pocket that I was given, and I revive it from its dried state that it was given to me in, and plant it in the ground.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: And as the twins are walking I say, clearly, I’m eating shit here today. I guess I’m going to make a promise not to stray from your side.

LAURA: Remember that promise.

LIAM: I promise.

SAM: I lick Tiberius.

(laughter)

ORION: That’s what that feels like.

MATT: That will be our freeze-frame credit high-five for the evening.

TRAVIS: Nice job, Kit!

(cheering)

MATT: Thank you so much, Kit, for guesting with us this evening, and for coming out and visiting us.

KIT: Thank you so much for having me. We’ve had an absolutely amazing week and– oh, it’s really nice to speak in my own accent again.

TALIESIN: Your accent good. We enjoy.

KIT: Thank you. No, it’s been absolutely amazing. It really has been an honor and you will definitely be seeing me again in LA, because this was wonderful. Thank you so much.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

LAURA: And everybody check her out on twitter.

MARISHA: What’s your twitter?

KIT: My twitter is AnemoneTea dot– not even dot com, just AnemoneTea. It’s that simple.

MATT: Travis and Laura have to run to catch a plane flight. You guys go, rock it out, safe flight. You guys are off to…?

LAURA: A wedding. And our anniversary is tomorrow.

(cheering)

TRAVIS: But we got to go.

MATT: Go. Travel safe. Bye, guys.

LAURA: I love you guys.

LIAM: Can I hold your mug? I want to see what it feels like. Wow! Look at the size of that.

SAM: It’s still got some booze in there, if you want to take a slurp.

LIAM: Yes.

MATT: All right. As a note, just so you guys are aware, we had a contest yesterday about 5:30 in the afternoon during one of the streams. We had everyone who was currently present in the chat room be part of this random drawing, and the winner was a David Kingsbury, who won the opportunity to provide the name and essence of an NPC in our campaign. The Broker is actually their construction.

KIT: That’s amazing!

MATT: The Broker was designed by one of our viewers, one of our Critters.

TALIESIN: Thank you for the target practice.

KIT: Thank you so much!

MARISHA: That is so cool.

KIT: That’s amazing.

MATT: We’re hoping to do stuff like that every now and then in the future to bring in some Critters to throw their creative mind in here and incorporate a character into our world. My heart’s been going a mile a minute that entire game, because no DM wants to have to kill a player.

MARISHA: I was on the verge of bawling my eyes out.

LIAM: If I ever died, I thought– and I still think I’ll probably be the first– but if I ever died, I thought it would be more like a bus accident. I would just go (impact) and that’d be it. I didn’t think the doctor would look at me and say, I’m sorry, you have one week to live. And the whole week I’ve been sweating.

MATT: Yeah, it’s pretty harsh. The internet was very vocal.

LIAM: Yeah, thanks guys, for putting the pressure on.

MATT: Oh man. Well, that was awesome.

[end of transcript]

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