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Critical Role Wiki
Critical Role Wiki

List of Transcripts


MATT: Hello everybody, and welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons.

TRAVIS: (hollering) We play Dungeons & Dragons! (all clamoring)

MATT: Happy to have you back. Before we get into tonight's episode, we do have some announcements to get through, beginning with the first of our two sponsors for the evening. The first up, which is Ravensburger. Sam.

SAM: (scoffing) No, Matt, please, do not use my secret identity, for the world only knows me as the notorious Boomerang. No? Boomerang?


SAM: Boomerang, the orbital outlaw? The Sinister Stick, the Aerodynamic Desperado? No? Boomerang? Not ringing a bell?

TRAVIS: Terrible name.

SAM: Cool, cool, anyway, this episode is sponsored by Marvel Villainous, from our friends at Ravensburger. The next chapter of the villainous game system allows players to take on the role of a Marvel villain of their choice and face off against Earth's mightiest heroes to achieve their dastardly objectives. Players can choose from Thanos, Hela, Killmonger, Ultron, Taskmaster from the upcoming Black Widow film, and of course... Boomerang isn't an option.

LAURA: (laughs)

SAM: No Boomerang? Boomerang, the spinniest supervillain of them all? No?

MARISHA: "Spinniest"?

SAM: Goddamn it, I'm going to kill my agent. She said this was in the bag! I even wrote some new catch phrases, ready?

MATT: Oh, no.

SAM: "Okay, boomer!" Eh? No?

ALL: (groaning)

SAM: How about, "You rang?" No?


MARISHA: Okay, okay.

LIAM: Fuck you. It's so quiet in here.

MATT: (laughs)

SAM: "Ya!" Of course, in real life it would come back, I know how to use a boomerang.

TRAVIS: Uh-huh.

SAM: Anyway. The game is available now in the U.S. and U.K. at, and, as always with Ravensburger, enter for a chance to win a copy of the game by heading over to Ravensburger NA-- sorry, @RavensburgerNA on Twitter, where they're giving away copies of the game right now. And remember Boomerang will always... "see you around."


LAURA: Oh, wow.

SAM: Boomerang!

TRAVIS: Did that boomerang have bullet holes in it?

SAM: I don't know. (laughter) I was supposed to bring my boomerang from home, but I didn't, and then Max had to make one. (laughter) He made it out of cardboard for Boomerang! I think he used a piece of cardboard that had been used to do painting on before.

TRAVIS: That looked super street tough.

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: It leant it cred.

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: And hang onto that costume, though, cause we'll use it later.

SAM: Boomerang!

MATT: I'm not going to lie, it is making me miss the Tick show, though.

MARISHA: Oh yeah.

LIAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: Just shouting your name, is your catchphrase?

MATT: The special--

SAM: Thanos, Boomerang!

MATT: Special power to just induce endless cringe on their enemies. Avengers are like, "Oh! (inhales sharply) Mm!"

LAURA: "I feel guilty fighting him. He's just so pathetic."

MATT: All right. Thank you, Sam. And thank you, Ravensburger. (laughing) Our second sponsor tonight, our friends since beginning of campaign two, D&D Beyond.

ALL: D&D Beyond!

MATT: So you can become a D&D Beyond subscriber if you'd like to. You can unlock new features and get most out of your D&D Beyond account through this, without having to purchase everything at one big go. You get early to access to tools and the features, like the combat tracker, and create unlimited characters on your account, which is useful, because I have a bunch on there that I never get to play, because I'm the DM. Plus you can share access of all your unlocked content with your party, who are part of your campaigns on there as well, which is awesome. Subscribe today for as low as $2.99 a month at And there you have it. As for our announcements. Reminding you guys The World of Critical Role book is now available.


MATT: It's now ready for purchase. It is a behind the scenes nonfiction guide to all of this insanity that we've been stumbling through over the years with you all. It's written by the amazing Liz Marsham, and interviews from all of us are scattered throughout, from the beginning experiences all the way up to current day. There's a bunch of great pictures and odd elements of our history, even our home game, as well as behind the scenes looks that you don't see anywhere else. It includes introduction by Felicia Day, friend of the show and friend of ours. It features brand new illustrations by Oliver Barrett, and photography by Ray Kachatorian. And the audio book is read by our very own Mary Elizabeth McGlynn.


MATT: And the foreword of the book is read by Felicia Day herself, wrote it, so, fantastic. So if you were in the U.S., Canada, or the U.K., you can pick up your copy right now, wherever books are sold, including Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or at your local independent bookstore. The book is also available in a hard cover, like this, as well as eBook, audio book formats, and actually there-- I got to show a couple more things in here.

TRAVIS: You get to show more?

MATT: Yeah. Here's--

LAURA: Oh cool, yes!

MATT: Interior collection.

TRAVIS: Tilt it down, aw yeah.


MATT: This is the inner page there, a bunch of names, maybe you'll find yourself in there. We also have some awesome interior art.

SAM: Ooh, cool.

MATT: Character moments there.

MARISHA: Get it.

LIAM: It'll put you right back in the campaign.

MATT: And here's a moment that some people are familiar with this campaign will recognize.

LIAM: Oh yeah, hello.

TRAVIS: Just a little bit.

ASHLEY: Put your fate in your hands--

LAURA: Roll the dice!

MATT: I'm going to randomly pick a page here, because I can.

SAM: You can?

MATT: Oh yeah, this is cool--

LAURA: You can pick any page?

TRAVIS: He can do whatever he wants.

MATT: I can do whatever I want, it's out. And they have some artistic reinterpretations of some of the original maps when we first started streaming. (cheering)

LIAM: That's our first battle, right?

MATT: The very first battle we streamed, out in Kraghammer.

LAURA: That's awesome!

TRAVIS: The little baby.

LAURA: Wait, was that the-- then the serpent thingy come out?

MATT: Yeah, it was--

LIAM: The naga?

MATT: Yeah, the--

SAM: Don't say it, they'll have to get the book to find out.

LAURA: Oh, sorry, sorry.

TRAVIS: Then you found that hidden door, and I knew we were in the wrong, we were outclassed.

MATT: Yeah, that's okay, but for more information, check out Laura, you got some things to talk about.

LAURA: Oh, I do. I have to show you guys this, doo doo doo doo, I don't know if you can see it.

TRAVIS: There you go, look, it's great.

LAURA: Look at that, it's our very own Caduceus Clay, made by our buddies at Steamforged. (cheering) Yeah-- oh, that's it. He goes with the rest of the Mighty Nein set, it was specifically made for that. (laughter) I got it right. And this is available along with the Mighty Nein entire set in the U.S. and the U.K. stores right now.

SAM: Nice.


MATT: Brilliance. All right, I believe--

LAURA: It's really good, Tal; I don't know if you've seen it.

TALIESIN: I've got one right here. I'm just thinking maybe I should make some more minis. Sorry. (laughing)

TRAVIS: Yeah, I know where you're going with that.

LAURA: Don't you even.

TRAVIS: Molly comes creeping back, and all of a sudden he's a power.

LIAM: Why is Caduceus throwing himself off the side of the ship? (laughter)


TALIESIN: No, really.

SAM: Boomerang!


LAURA: Are you going to--


LAURA: Please stay in that the entire episode.

SAM: I will not stay in this! Boomerang!

TRAVIS: Oh, jesus!

MATT: On that note, our announcements are complete, so let's jump into tonight's episode of Critical Role.

SAM: Boomerang!

(water bubbling) (thunder rumbling) (explosion) ♪ Role, Critical Role ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Role ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Role ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Role ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Role ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Role ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪ ♪ The adventure begins ♪ ♪ They were always beside you ♪ ♪ Your nerdy best friends ♪ ♪ And the DM to guide you ♪ ♪ And they rise from the flames for the battles ahead ♪ ♪ Villains beware because you're about to be dead ♪ ♪ They got magic and flair ♪ ♪ They got falchions and cunning ♪ ♪ They don't see over there ♪ ♪ There's a monster incoming ♪ ♪ Inspiration is waiting, rise up, don't think twice ♪ ♪ Put your fate in your hands, take a chance, ♪ ♪ roll the dice ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪ ♪ Critical Role (roll the dice) ♪ ♪ Critical Role (roll the dice) ♪ ♪ Ooh, ahh ♪ ♪ Can you answer the call ♪ ♪ Dig in deep in your soul ♪ ♪ As the legend unfolds ♪ ♪ Now it's your turn (your turn, your turn) ♪ ♪ to roll ♪ (flames whooshing)

Part I[]

MATT: And welcome back. (laughter)

MATT: So last we left off, the Mighty Nein, upon realizing that an old friend of theirs seemed to be trudging his way northward in a similar direction, you gathered your materials, you finished up your business as quickly as you could, hastened your plans underneath Lady Vess DeRogna and made your journey to the northern tip of the Greying Wildlands, to the village of-- Palebank Village, acquired passage on the Midnight Hammer, an icebreaker ship, heading to Eiselcross and began to work your way across the dangerous Frozen Depths that lay between there and your target location. A few days at sea had been a little rough at first go. Some unlucky rolls and some unfortunate challenges found their way your direction, including here on what I believe is the fifth day of your journey. A massive crackling ice storm began to blow its way into your path. As people on the ship began to batten down and prepare for it, Caduceus, you picked up some sort of strange clicking sound that seemed to be sourceless from the outside of the boat. There, you watched as these massive crustacean-like creatures began to claw back onto the top of the ship, similar to creatures that you all have seen in the past. After having a brief skirmish with them, seemingly getting the better hand, or the upper hand of this, a familiar humanoid creature with a split jaw and somewhat aquatic appearance clambered up the opposite side of the ship, reached out, and shattered the amber necklace that Caleb keeps carefully on his person. In doing so, the contents of it spilling out of its solidified dimensional space, including the cloven crystal, the last key to Uk'otoa's unleashing. In the middle of this chaos, Fjord, you glance over to notice that rising over the edge of the ship is none other than Captain Avantika. Paler than you recall, her chest and torso currently encased in jagged ice, her breath giving off this mist. As she looks to you with cold, faintly, glowing eyes, and a wicked grin, her neck somewhat off kilter, and seems to be inviting this... reunion. And that's where we left off, in the middle of this struggle and fight.

LIAM: So excited.

MATT: From the top of this--

LAURA: Hoo-kay!

MATT: -- combat round, we come to Beauregard.

MARISHA: O-o-o-h.

LAURA: Kick us off.

MATT: You had just found yourself charmed briefly, and then come back to, wiping the influence from your eyes. However, you are still grappled in the claws of a charmed creature, who is now currently incapacitated and just clutching you in this tightened grip.

TRAVIS: Totally strategized for this.

MARISHA: Does disengage-- can I disengage from grapple if I--

MATT: No, you have-- it's an action to break free, and you have to roll versus its strength. It has disadvantage, though. I will say-- yeah.

MARISHA: It has disadvantage on strength?

MATT: Because it's incapacitated at the moment, I'll say, circumstantially, right now, because it can't take actions. It's just currently standing there dazzled by the hypnotic pattern that held it there. It's not as strong as it once was in the moment, because it is distracted.

MARISHA: Okay, okay, yeah, I'll try that. So, wait, it's contested strength roll?

MATT: Correct.

MARISHA: Saving throw, or--

MATT: No, just a strength check.

LIAM: Straight roll.


LIAM: In strength.


LAURA: You can do it.



MATT: Okay.

LAURA: (laughs)


SAM: Ooh.

MATT: You are unable to break free from its grasp. As you try and pull your way out, it's just too tightly wrapped around your torso. You feel the jagged edges of the claw grind into the flesh and hurt just a bit, You're not going to get out.

SAM: So incapacitated doesn't mean they let go of everything and--

MATT: No, it depends on-- incapacitated technically means they do not have actions or bonus actions, they can't do anything, they're not asleep. They're just currently dazed by the spell.

SAM: In whatever state they were in.

TALIESIN: That wasn't a save throw, was it?



SAM: I'd like to think they do lose control of their bowels, though.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: Sure, yeah, we'll go with that.

LIAM: Scat all over--

MATT: A terrifying smell of crustacean shit now completely fills the side of the boat.

LAURA: How do crustaceans poop? Is it like long strings like fish, or is it--

LIAM: It's pretty liquid, it's pretty liquid, yeah.

LAURA: Okay, just checking.

MATT: Yeah. ♪ The more you know! ♪ Beauregard, what you doing?

MARISHA: I guess I'm stuck here, I might as well punch it in the face.

MATT: Well, you used your action to break through.

MARISHA: (forlornly) But I can do bonus action Flurry of Blows.

MATT: You can't do Flurry of Blows, because I believe you have to use your action as part of an attack action, but you can get--

MARISHA: But I can do an extra attack? Can I do an extra attack?

TRAVIS: Keep pushing with the lower lip.

MATT: I'll allow it, go for it. You can make one attack.

LIAM: (sadly) "I'm a monk of the Cobalt Soul."

MARISHA: So does it have to be a standard attack, or can I do-- can I do my--

TRAVIS: Thought for sure she'd get out of that.

MARISHA: -- my Belabor?

MATT: That's an action, that's an action.

MARISHA: That's an action.

LIAM: She's as weak as a wizard.

MATT: This-- believe it or not, there are some circumstances where a monk can't do everything.

SAM: Wow.

MATT: They're rare. I found it!

LAURA: We found it!

MARISHA: So wait, are you saying I can just attack?

MATT: You get one punch.

MARISHA: (sadly) I punch it.

SAM: One punch, Beau.

MARISHA: One Punch Beau.

SAM: Whoa, that was a weird roll.

MARISHA: Yeah, it was, but it was a 17, so I take it for 27.

MATT: 27 hits.


SAM: Saddest hit ever.

MARISHA: Cocked, I had such a-- aw, man. Seven.

MATT: Seven points of damage.

MARISHA: Stunning Strike!

MATT: Whack! All right.

MARISHA: I can do that!

SAM: She's happy again.

MATT: That is 17?

TALIESIN: Take your d4.

MARISHA: Damn it-- wait, what?

TALIESIN: Take your d4.

MATT: Oh, minus d4, because it--

LAURA: Oh, he's baned, baby.

MATT: There you go, 15.

MARISHA: Stunned!

MATT: Stunned.

SAM: Yes.



TALIESIN: Not you, it.

MATT: Stunned, fucker! (laughter)

LAURA: Can I say, in that moment before he was stunned, as she punched him did he move at all?


LAURA: Damn it.

MATT: So he's no longer charmed, as you punched the charm out of him, so-- (gurgly growling) and now it's-- the impact, this delayed reaction as you slam it right in the area where the metal plates hit, or the hard crustacean plates hit, and it seems to have sent a shock through his nervous system, and he's currently trying to recalibrate.

MARISHA: Does that cancel his grapple?

MATT: No, he's still holding onto you.

LIAM: It's just, the tendons are all locked up.

MATT: Yeah, incapacitated.

TALIESIN: It's okay.

MATT: Can't take actions or reactions is technically what it means. But you still have to break free.

TRAVIS: Veth, where are you on the ship?

SAM: I'm towards the bow-- the stern.

MATT: That finishes Beau's turn?


MATT: All right, Fjord, you're up. Yasha, you're on deck.

TRAVIS: Shit, fuck, balls, anus.

MARISHA: Didn't go as well-- sorry.

TRAVIS: Okay. Uh... (gibberish, operatic singing) I will respond by seeing my ex-- dead ex just pop up on the ship. She is on the ship! Is she on the railing, or did she hop over in both feet are on the deck?

MATT: She's like up on the edge of the railing, and attempted to try and chuck you off the side, and then when you resisted, she just stays there. Starts stepping over the edge and is drawing both the rapier and the dagger that she's holding out to the edges--

TRAVIS: God, I really just want to Spartan-kick her off the boat.

LAURA: Do it.

MATT: If you want to.

TRAVIS: That's an action, though.

SAM: And if you miss you'll look real dumb.

TRAVIS: Yeah. (laughter) ♪ And my strength ain't the best ♪

LIAM: That sounds win-win to me. I'd go for it.

SAM: This is Spart-- whoa!

LAURA: Don't you have the Eldritch Blast that blasts people back or something? No?

TRAVIS: Nope, I didn't take that. With my bonus action, I'm going to cast Hexblade's Curse at Avantika.

MATT: Okay, you got it.

SAM: Hex.


LAURA: Aw, hex.

SAM: -- blade's curse.

MATT: We'll say she is currently cursed by you.

TRAVIS: Okay. I am going to move directly over the cloven crystal. I'll use my 30 feet to run to where it lies on the deck.

MATT: Okay, you're going to run this way?

TRAVIS: Uh-huh.

MATT: All right. She gets an attack of opportunity against you.

TRAVIS: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Which she will take... with her rapier.

TALIESIN: Hangin' on the side of the boat.

MATT: It's a 21 to hit.

TRAVIS: Hits. Is there any bane on her? There's not.


MATT: Bane doesn't help the attack roll.

TALIESIN: Actually--

MATT: It's saving--

TALIESIN: Not that she's baned.

MATT: Right, I believe bane is saving throws.

TALIESIN: And attack rolls.

MATT: And attack rolls as well, you're right.

TALIESIN: But she's not baned.

MATT: But she's not, you're right.

TALIESIN: Yeah, sorry.

MATT: That's okay. However, that is... 16 points of piercing damage.

TRAVIS: Hold on. I'm going to roll a d6, because she's been hexblade cursed. And with my Armor of Hexes, if I roll a four or higher, she misses.

MATT: Yes, she does.

TRAVIS: Which she does, I got a five.


MATT: So swings with the rapier and the dark shadows that currently swirl around her torso reach out and grab her arm and pull it just wide out of the way, and it swings past your body as you rush over.


LAURA: That's titties.

TRAVIS: Standing over the cloven crystal, with it between my feet, I'm going to use my--

LAURA: Just sit down.

TRAVIS: I'm going to put it in my butt. (laughter) Get back in me, cloven crystal!

MATT: What you doing?

TRAVIS: One flap, a trap, or in the other. I am going to--

LIAM: Old habits die hard.

TRAVIS: I'm going to use my action to use my channel divinity. I'm going to Create Marine Layer.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: I'm going to channel the sea to create a thick cloud of fog that surrounds you and heavily obscures the area for 20 feet in all directions, follows me as I move. You and any other creatures you choose within five feet of you can see through the fog and suffer no penalties from being within it. This fog lasts for 10 minutes, spreads around corners and cannot be dispersed.

SAM: Sorry, did you can just say that you and your allies can see through the fog?



MATT: If they're right next to him.

SAM: Ah.

LAURA: Oh, so if we wander into it we won't be able to see it until we get next to Fjord?

MATT: Correct.

LAURA: Okay, okay.

MATT: So all of you who are looking in that direction, you watch as Fjord rushes over, down to where the crystal is, grabs the sword, and then suddenly apparating from around him, this heavy fog just fills the center of the ship, and you have no idea-- You can't see across the ship, you can't see where Fjord is. You just lost a visibility on half the ship.

TRAVIS: I just go-- (foghorn)

MATT: There you go. That's his battle cry, whenever he uses that feature.

TRAVIS: (high horn)

MATT: No, that's my battle cry.

TRAVIS: Oh, okay.

MATT: Don't step.

TRAVIS: That's the end of that.

MATT: Okay, that's the end of Fjord's turn. Got it. Yasha, you're up.

ASHLEY: Okay, so, since I see that Beau is grappled, I'm going to try and cut off the pincer from the lobstrosity.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: So, just going to turn and try to start hacking away.

MARISHA: "Lobstrosity"!

MATT: Start hacking at the one that's currently holding on to Beauregard?

ASHLEY: Yeah, I'm going to try to hack away at that arm.

MATT: All right, so you got your two attacks on that.

ASHLEY: So... 17?

MATT: 17 hits.

ASHLEY: Yeah, okay. Let me get some dice.

SAM: Rock lobster.

ASHLEY: I'm going to do Savage Attacker, because that was kind of low. Much better. 32.

SAM: Whoa!

MATT: 32 points of damage.

TRAVIS: Yo, let's go!


MATT: All righty, first strike, as you swing wide with a blade, carve through the heavy chunk of its body, you watch as part of the armor that blocks the part of the face is now carved in two, and this dark purple viscera is now hanging out and bleeding as its clicking sound has now become this warbling-- (grunting) it's in pain.

ASHLEY: All right, let's see if we can do a little more.

MARISHA: Are you rolling with advantage?


MARISHA: Stunned.

ASHLEY: (grunts)

MATT: Yes.

MATT: Yeah, okay, that would be a 23.


MATT: That hits, second strike.

ASHLEY: So... 25 for the second hit.

MATT: 25 points of damage?

ASHLEY: 25 points of damage.

MATT: Nice!


TRAVIS: Well done, let's go.

MATT: So, two times through, this creature's looking pretty dang hurt. It's still currently standing upright, though it is stunned from your strike. It's not long for this world if this were to continue, but it is still holding onto Beauregard best it can.

ASHLEY: Okay, so then as my bonus action, I would like to use Zealous Presence and let out a battle cry.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: Which gives 10 other creatures in 60 feet advantage on attack rolls and saving throws.

SAM: Ooh.

TRAVIS: Ooh shit!

MATT: Okay.


SAM: Wait, what?

ASHLEY: Attacks and saving throws?

MARISHA: Attacks and saving throws.

LIAM: Name this feature again--

ASHLEY: 'Til my next turn.

LIAM: -- so we can fall in love with it.

MATT: Everybody except for Jester.

MATT: Jester, you're just outside her range.

ASHLEY: Zealous Presence.

MARISHA: She's done it once or twice before.

LAURA: Oh no, it's okay, it's my fault, I should've been closer to you.

ASHLEY: No, no, no. Wait, no, aren't you up on the--

LAURA: My duplicate is next to you.

MATT: Duplicate's next to you.

LAURA: My duplicate feels really invigorated.

MATT: That's true, that's true.

ASHLEY: 60 feet.

TRAVIS: That's huge.

SAM: Who else is within 60 feet?

TRAVIS: Everybody except Jester.

SAM: Me, too?


LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: Cool.

TRAVIS: That's huge.

TALIESIN: That's magical.

ASHLEY: I feel like I've used it before.

MATT: You've used it before, yeah.

ASHLEY: Okay, yeah.

MATT: So it's for one round, until Yasha's next turn.

ASHLEY: Til my next turn, so.

MARISHA: Okay, okay, okay.

MATT: All right, so that finishes your go Yasha?

ASHLEY: That finishes my go.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Everybody, punch somebody.

MATT: You got it.

TRAVIS: Even the wizard.

MATT: It is now Avantika's turn.

TRAVIS: After Yasha?

MATT: Yeah.


LAURA: Oh, she goes with the creatures?

MATT: Well she's going before them, actually.


MATT: In her initiative order. So after watching Fjord rush off, she watches the fog emerge and cocks her head a little bit. "Very interesting." And is going to dart into the fog, is going to rush past you, and is going to make an investigation check with disadvantage because of the fog that's in this space.


SAM: Did you pick it up or did you just--

TRAVIS: No, I just--

SAM: You fogged it.

TRAVIS: -- stood over it, yeah.

LIAM: Six things--

MATT: She actually rolled pretty well, okay. Oh, and you can see this. She passes by you and vaguely sees your shadow, even though you're heavily obscured at that point, and she just darts to the ground and starts rummaging through the elements of loose fireworks. But since the ball rolled this far, it's almost solitary there on the center of the ground, and it gives off its own faint, soft yellow glow, almost in the proximity of Avantika. And she reaches down and grabs it with one hand, putting the dagger away. And with the rapier in her other hand, she stands up-- No, that's all of her movement.

LAURA: (squeals)

MATT: But she currently has the crystal in her possession and learns--

SAM: She's in fog, so we did not see her pick it up.

LIAM: So everyone outside the fog can't see her, only Fjord sees her.

MATT: All you saw was her vanish into the fog after Fjord.

LIAM: Caduceus sees her, though, yeah?

MATT: No, Caduceus can't see anything. Caduceus, right now, suddenly, you have no visibility. You are lost in fog and everything around you just went fucking--

TALIESIN: The last thing I saw was Fjord do a thing.

MATT: Yeah. It's a problem. It doesn't feel oppressive. It just feels problem.


LIAM: And I have a question, DM. Everyone on this side of the ship, once this fog's up, wouldn't have been able to see her enter into it either, right? Like isn't it--

MATT: Correct, everyone on this side has no idea what's transpired at this point. Only probably Yasha and Beau would have any idea--

MARISHA: Where she went.

MATT: But you guys are also a little distracted. At most you would have just seen her just dart into the fog and that's it.

LAURA: I have a question. Can I see above the fog since I was up on the stairs?

MATT: The fog is 20 feet in a full radius.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: So no, you cannot see the other side of the ship. That finishes Avantika's turn. Crawling up onto this side of the ship, of her, you see this weird almost toad-like demon creature--

LAURA: Jesus.

MATT: It has this faint pulsing glow to it, like it has runes on its chest. Some sort of-- you can make an arcana check.

LIAM: Hell yeah. That's high, that is... 26.

MATT: 26.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: You acknowledge this here as a-- you acknowledge this as-- usually the effects that are given off by a creature that has been summoned. It is being held here for a time by some sort of magic.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: But it comes into the side here and darts over to you. Right as you recognize this, it goes in your direction with these large extended claws out on both sides of its hands. It's going to come over to you for one strike here.


LAURA: Oh my God.

MATT: That is a 22 to hit.

LIAM: Yeah, hits. Hits.

MATT: Hits, all right. You take... 11 points of slashing damage. It's going to attack again. 22 again.

LIAM: Yeah, hits.

MATT: Shitty rolls. 10 points of slashing damage. And then one more time, it's going to-- that's cocked, actually.

TRAVIS: And you've got your stone, right?

MATT: That's 17 points, 17 to hit.

LIAM: Hits.

MATT: Hits, okay. You then take... okay, there it is-- okay, 15 points of slashing damage. And then after it's like-- (hissing) It vanishes.

SAM and LIAM: Oh--


SAM: It's like a blink monster?

MATT: It's going to appear right behind Jester on the staircase.

LAURA: Mother--

MATT: And you feel these feet hit the wood behind you as you glance over, and the thing that you just saw assault Caleb is now behind you-- (grunting) its tongue dangling out over this jagged row of teeth on the bottom jaw.

SAM: I'm staring to think those lobsters were not our biggest foe. (laughter)

MATT: That finishes its go.

MARISHA: Just a pain in the ass.

MATT: And then--

SAM: Oh no, more things.


MATT: Another one of these crustacean creatures crawls up on the opposite end.

LIAM: That's why he didn't want to go long the other-- last game.

SAM: Oh boy.

MATT: Jumps down the center of the ship.

MARISHA: It's really big! Wait, is it bigger, or is it just the angle of the camera?

MATT: The angle looks bigger. It's the same as the others.

LAURA: Oh my God, you're huge!

MATT: Does it have Kosher salt all over it? (laughter)

MATT: I like to make sure my minis are properly treated.

MARISHA: When a spider crawls in front of your Nest cam. You're like-- (yelling) It's this big. (chuckling)

MATT: It's going to make--

SAM: That would be sea salt. That makes much more sense.

ASHLEY: Yeah, that looks massive.

MARISHA: It looks huge.

TRAVIS: Oh, man.

MATT: Oh, because I forgot Yasha, make a constitution saving throw for me, please.

ASHLEY: Ooh, okay.

SAM: Veth is like, "Hi, it's right behind me, isn't it?" (laughter) "It's right behind me."

MARISHA: You can feel the breath.

SAM: Yeah, oh god.

ASHLEY: 17? Oh wait, I can roll again.

MATT: You're fine.

ASHLEY: It doesn't matter, okay.

MATT: Something I forgot last time, since we were at the end of the game, but the narrative is maintained.


MATT: Veth, you hear the-- (crash) and as you look over your shoulder, you see the creature right there bearing down on you, and it begins swiping at you both with its pincers.

SAM: Yikes.

MATT: The first one is... 19 to hit.

SAM: Hits.

MATT: All right. You take--

TALIESIN: Fuck, man.

TRAVIS: I had two ideas. That was the wrong one.

MATT: 15 points of bludgeoning damage, and you are grappled.

SAM: I'll Uncanny Dodge, I guess, to reduce it to seven, eight points?

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Eight points? Eight points.

MATT: And it's going to use its tentacles for its second attack. Well, actually it can do both, because you are grappled by it now. The second strike has come at you. That is going to be in 23 to hit.

SAM: Sure.

MATT: That one deals-- ooh! 16 points of bludgeoning damage.

SAM: Sure.

MATT: And what you notice, as it grabs you with the claw, and you're currently grappled in its grip by it, you're pulled in, and underneath its armor, you watch as dozens of these tiny little tentacles (growling) unroll out and begin to wrap and stick to you like tiny little leeches. And as it does, it begins to pump poison into your body. Make a constitution saving throw for me, please.

SAM: My constitution is not very high. 17.

MATT: 17, you manage to resist the poison. You are fine.

LIAM: Hey, DM?

MATT: Yes?

LIAM: You and I both forgot, even though I called it out at the top of the game, I have Mirror Image up. So I have to roll three times for each of those attacks to see if they hit.

MATT: That's true.

LIAM: And if it's six or higher-- the first one, first one's a natural 20, so it hits a dupe.

MATT: Okay, so that's one dupe down.

LIAM: Second one is a four, so it hits me.

MATT: Okay, so the first hit did not go through.

LIAM: Right, second one did.

MATT: Mm-hmm.

LIAM: And the third one, it must be an eight or higher, it was a nine.

MATT: All right, so only the middle attack--

LIAM: The middle attack hit.

MATT: So mark off your damage on the first and third, which I did not recall.

LIAM: Right. I'll put two thirds back.

MATT: Sure, we'll go with that.

LIAM: Yep.

MATT: But you have one duplicate left.

LIAM: Mm-hmm.

MATT: You got it. All right, that finishes their turn. Veth, you're up. Caleb you're on deck.

SAM: I am grappled?

MATT: You are grappled currently.

SAM: Does that mean I cannot complete--

MATT: You can't move, but you can--

SAM: -- the somatic portions of a spell or the-- what's the VSM? I always fucking forget.

MATT: No, you can, you can. All that grappled means is your speed is zero until you break out of the grapple.

MARISHA: But you can still do actions.

MATT: You can still do spells and actions and attacks and stuff.

SAM: Oh, so I can shoot, I can shoot this fucker if I wanted to.

MATT: Correct.

SAM: I don't want to. Even though I'm grappled, I'm going to hold my action until I see Avantika.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: I think I will hold Phantasmal Force.

MATT: Okay. You got it, all right. So you will hold onto that, cool. That brings us to Caleb. Jester, you're on deck.

LIAM: Okay, I've never done this before, but as part of my movement I'm going to use the Stormrider Boots, and use 90 feet of movement to fly on an angle curving around the lobster. I'm going to strafe the mage fishman up at the top and then curve back.

MATT: Back over here, you mean?

LIAM: I'm going to go in a big curve, so I want to zap the lobster and I want to zap the mage, but then double back around and float over the top of the fog by about like 30 or 40 feet.

MATT: Okay, so you wanted to zoom up here and buzz all three of them?


MATT: Or this way? You have 90 feet of movement, so you can go like--

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: And then this way, you mean?

LIAM: That's right. So I'm going to get two of them, not three of them. Lobster man, dude at the top, and then float on top, and then as my action, I'm going to cast Fly.

MATT: Okay, good call.

LIAM: 30 feet up--

MATT: But before we get to that, there are two attacks opportunity on you.

LIAM: That's right, at disadvantage.

MATT: At disadvantage, exactly.

LIAM: And they take damage regardless.

MATT: Yes, so roll damage for them. Just roll once and they'll both take it.

MARISHA: Bonus action dash.

LIAM: They take nine points of lightning damage each.

MATT: Nice, so as you activate the boots, there's this giant spark of energy right beneath where your knees are. As you take off, like an Ironman suit, you watch as the blast back, shocks the crustacean. You spin around and arc off beyond the fishman mage up top, who gets hit and is going to try and swing for you, too. Crustacean, two strikes against you is... 14 to hit, which I think misses.

LIAM: Misses.

MATT: And the other guy is going to swing with his sword. No, that's a 10. Sorry, that's a 14. That still misses you. All right, and so you arc over and you cast Fly, so you are now flying up in the air over where this fog is, essentially.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: We'll say up in this space. All righty, so you are now flying, you are concentrating.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: Here ya go. Finishing Caleb's turn. Jester, you're up, Caduceus, you're on deck.


MATT: No, Jester's up.

TRAVIS: I thought the mage went after Caduceus.

LAURA: Everything's messed up. Everything's messed up! (yells) Everything's concentration that I have! I'm freaking out!

MATT: It's challenging.

LAURA: (whispers) Okay.

LIAM: Spell casters.

LAURA: Okay, I know right away for my bonus action, I'm just going to use my Spiritual Weapon that I have up.


LAURA: And I'm going to hit the stunned one that's holding Beau.

MATT: Roll damage on that.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Well, roll attack on that and then damage.

MARISHA: (quietly) Is that my husband? With magic sequins?

SAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: That's beautiful.

MATT: Ah, Jesus. (laughter)

ASHLEY: Ah jeez.

TALIESIN: Suddenly another crab--

SAM: It's hard to tell, but I think it's you as a doctor?

MATT: Yeah, that's one of my old shitty head shots. People are like, "You need to make character head shots" and I'm like, "All right." (laughter)

LAURA: Okay, okay, roll an attack.

MARISHA: It was either that or a BTS shirt--

LAURA: With advantage.

MARISHA: -- I couldn't tell from here.

MATT: Yes, because it is stunned.

LIAM: Unstoppable, this bit.

LAURA: 19?

MATT: 19, that definitely hits.

LAURA: Does that hit?

MATT: Yep.

LAURA: Yeah. 2d8. I have all these dice, and I don't know which ones are which. I'm freaking out! (panicked grunting) Where's my eight? There they are, okay.

LIAM: This is so cool.

SAM: She's going to jump over the fucking edge.

LAURA: Five, 13 plus five is 18--

SAM: Of course, I don't know that.

LAURA: -- points of damage.

MATT: How much is it?

LAURA: 18 points of damage with my serrated lollipop.

LIAM: We had other ideas. I just threw them out.

MATT: Great.

MARISHA: I feel responsible.

TRAVIS: So do I.

MARISHA: For fucking up the--

MATT: All right, that guy is hurt real bad. He's barely hanging on and is like-- (grunting)

LAURA: Okay.

MARISHA: Is this the stunned guy?

MATT: Yes, but the other guy's no longer stunned.

LAURA: Jester-- me, that's me, for my thing, I'm going to do--

SAM: You're Jester?

LAURA: I'm Jester. (laughter)

LAURA: I'm going to cast...

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MATT: Yes? You are going to cast...?

LAURA: I don't know how to say it. Hold on, hold on. This is everybody. It doesn't save against my own people. I don't like that. Okay, so, am I surrounded? Can I move?

MATT: You are currently-- you have a giant crustacean to the right of you, you have this other weird demon creature to the back of you, and you have Veth currently grappled to the front of you, as well as one of the crewmen who is trying to arm and put a bolt up into one of these ballista, and is just freaking out. Like, "Ah, ah!"

TRAVIS: We're running, it's bad.

SAM: ♪ Stuck in the middle with you ♪

MARISHA: ♪ with y-- ♪ I--

LAURA: I'm going to cast...

MATT: Yeah?

LAURA: I'm going to cast.. Insect Plague at fifth level.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: What about Wreck Undead Girlfriends?

LAURA: So that's a 20 foot sphere around me.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Maybe just mend those fences, Fjord.

TRAVIS: Oh yeah, just patch it up. (chuckling) Nothing a silver tongue can't cure.

LIAM: Right there, switch to persuasion.

TRAVIS: "I've thought about your every day since you got your head turned around 180 degrees."

MATT: All right.

LAURA: Nope, no, I'm going to-- mm. (frantic humming)

MATT: Laura?

LAURA: I know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Matthew!

MATT: It's okay, it's okay. It's okay, it's okay.

LAURA: I'm freaking out! Okay, I take it back, I take it back, I'm going to cast Dawn instead.

SAM: Dawn.

LAURA: Dawn. Which is basically the same thing, but it's a different type of damage. So I'm going to cast Dawn, which is a 30 foot radius, 40 foot high cylinder of bright light.

MATT: That's even bigger. I don't have a template for that.

LAURA: Each creature in it must make a constitution saving throw.

SAM: "Consti-tyew-tion."

MATT: 30 foot radius, so yeah, that'll be--

SAM: Each enemy creature, or each creature?

MATT: Each creature.

LAURA: Each creature, but I choose the location.

MATT: Correct, where are you putting it, within 60 feet of you?

LIAM: It's a pretty crowded deck.

LAURA: It is a pretty crowded deck.

SAM: Deck of many things, really.

LAURA: Is this a bad move, you guys?

TRAVIS: We're all back--

MATT: Just so you know, you can only let it hit anything over here, because you have no visibility to see across the ship right now.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: So where do you want it to land?

TRAVIS: That's my fault, so. We're all in this together.

LAURA: In front of--

MARISHA: You're having a Keyleth moment. I'm so proud of you.

SAM: (laughs)

LAURA: In front of the--

MARISHA: Thanks, Fjord.

LAURA: The door, in front of the door? (squeaking) Is it going to hit me?

MATT: Where are you casting, then? (laughter)

LIAM: I cast haste on Laura.

LAURA: No. (laughter) (muffled) Okay, I changed my mind again! (laughing) Spiritual Guardians, and then I swear Matt, this is the last thing, I'm going to do Spiritual Guardians.

MATT: Spiritual Guardians, okay.

LAURA: But I'm going to cast it at fifth level.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: So many different props.

MATT: I know.

TRAVIS: Jester just scrolls through her spells, like-- (scrolling sounds)

MATT: So 15 feet?

MARISHA: No, shit, not that-- no!

LAURA: Okay, so this is a 15 feet radius around me. I'm just trying to see how many circles you have.

MATT: Apparently, we're going through it-- there we go.

LAURA: Okay, so these only attack creatures that I choose?

MATT: Correct.

LAURA: That are within 15 feet of me.

SAM: But I'm going to choose everybody!

LAURA: I'm going to choose every motherfucker on this boat! Okay, so that is a 5d8 radiant damage.

MATT: For those who fail their wisdom save, right?

LAURA: It's a wisdom save, but it's a concentration, which means I lose my duplicate.

MATT: You do.

LAURA: On the other side.

SAM: Also Matt, I think as soon as I started to hold a spell, do I lose concentration on the other spell?

MATT: You do, yes.

SAM: So they're no longer encumbered, the lobster people.

MATT: Oh, that's right, they're no longer charmed.

SAM: Charmed.


MATT: They are still baned, but they're no longer charmed, okay. You got it. So--

LAURA: Affected creatures are halved in the area.

MATT: Right, their speed is halved.

LAURA: And when they start their turn there, they have to make a save.

MATT: Gotcha.

TALIESIN: Or when they end it.


TALIESIN: Which technically, when you cast it, is that entering the area?

MATT: No, entering is when they're actually stepping into the space, or at the start of their turn.

TALIESIN: Start of their turn.

MATT: Pardon me, all right, does that finish your turn?

LAURA: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Okay, finishes Jester's go. Caduceus, you're up.

TALIESIN: It was a good plan.

MATT: It was.

TALIESIN: Laura, that was a good move, we're going to celebrate it.

TRAVIS: We're shitting our pants right now. Everybody's shitting.

MARISHA: Plan's out the window.

TALIESIN: I'm going to cast Spiritual Guardian at fourth level.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: That was what I was--

TRAVIS: How many circles you got, Matt?

TALIESIN: Got another circle?

TRAVIS: How many you got?

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: Thing's going to look like the fucking Olympics soon.

MATT: All right, Caduceus--

LIAM: We all thought this was a randomly--

TALIESIN: That also means Bane is gone.

TRAVIS: (singing Olympics theme)

TALIESIN: And I'm going to walk towards where I saw Fjord, because my whole plan was to give him some coverage with a big--

LAURA: Caduceus, yours looks like it's glowing.


SAM: Remember when the Olympics existed?



TALIESIN: So I was going to walk, not even run, I was just going to take my gentle time making my way to where I thought Fjord was--

MATT: To where you think Fjord is?


LAURA: ♪ Makin' my way to Fjord ♪

MARISHA: Old concept.

LAURA: ♪ Walkin' slow ♪

MARISHA: Or yeah yeah yeah, old magic.

ASHLEY: ♪ Makin' my way to Fjord ♪

MATT: So you walk up into this space there, and now you can see Fjord and you can see Avantika.

TALIESIN: Hey! Oh, God.

LAURA: And they both see lots of beetles.

MATT: Yes. Now, within the fog, there's just, just this swirling cloud of celestial beetles that are just gathering around Caduceus.

MARISHA: Wait, what do the beetles mean? What happens if we walk into the beetles?

TALIESIN: Nothing, you're fine.

LIAM: We thought this was a randomly rolled--

LAURA: It's only enemies that get hurt by the beetles and by the dick unicorns.

LIAM: Thought this was off a table, one of you are just like, "Wait, he rolled a two so that means I've got this"--

MATT: There was a one-in-10 chance this encounter was going to happen.

LIAM: One in 10?!

LAURA: You rolled the one!


ASHLEY: Tuh-ravis!

LIAM: Woo!

SAM: He knew. Travis knew, he wanted this.

TRAVIS: Deep down, yeah. (laughter)

MATT: Okay, so, Caduceus, you've used your action, you moved in there, you bump into Fjord, and Fjord, you can see, all of a sudden, the beetles are scattering in the space. They're not hurting you, and right as Avantika stands up, the crystal in one hand, beginning to tuck it into her side pouch. Caduceus approaches, too, and the beetles swarm around her. She's like (growls) looking around, eyes glowing through the fog a little bit.

MARISHA: So you have eyes on her.


MATT: You do now.

TALIESIN: I do now, oh boy.

MATT: All right, that finishes your turn?

TALIESIN: Yeah, I mean, yeah.

MATT: All right, that crew guy over there, who's currently trying to arm that ballista can't see what he's doing now, because the fog has filled the space, so he's going to take another turn to try and fiddle with it. This guy over here, who's been freaking out, is going to finish loading the ballista with a heavy bolt, but that's his action to do so. That finishes the crew's go. Now it comes to the other mage.

SAM: The other mage?

LIAM: Yeah, the guy on the back--

TRAVIS: The guy on the captain's wheel.

SAM: Oh God, I totally forgot about them.

TALIESIN: Yeah, this is rough.


SAM: I hate the water.

TALIESIN: Everyone has an advantage on a saving throw by the way. I should keep reminding people of that.

LAURA: Everybody?

TALIESIN: Except for you.

MARISHA: Because of Yasha's battle cry, and attacks--

TALIESIN: Attacks and saves.

SAM: Attacks and saves.

LAURA: That's important.

MARISHA: Where's the mage?

LIAM: On the back.

LAURA: Up by the-- it's by the wheel.

LIAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: Okay okay okay.

SAM: Say "mage" again?

MARISHA: (with soft "g" sound) Mayzhe?

MATT: Similar type of physicality, but a different individual.

LIAM: This guy has a mustache.

MATT: Yes.

SAM: A mayzhe?

MATT: Big, old--

MARISHA: Mayzhe, mayzhe?

SAM: Mayzhe.

MARISHA: A may-jois!

MATT: He is going to go ahead and--

SAM: It's very European.

MARISHA: (laughs) I'm cultured.

SAM: I would like to rayzhe. (laughter)


TRAVIS: One in 10.

MATT: I know, I know.

TRAVIS: ♪ One in 10 ♪ A monkey wrench. Where's Chris Lockey when you need him?

MATT: My apologies here, as I'm figuring out--

TRAVIS: No, our apologies, why are you apologizing?

LAURA: Are you kidding me, Matt? I took 20 minutes on my turn.

SAM: Your turns. You did four of them.

LIAM: Action action, bonus action, movement.

TRAVIS: Ronin went to college. (laughter)

LIAM: (British accent) Mother, I'm a doctor now.

LAURA: Why are you British, Ronin?

ASHLEY: We should give Matt the heat. What are you doing, Matt? I'm just kidding.


MATT: That'll work well. It's going to cast Witch Bolt at you, because everyone else is currently surrounded and clustered, and you just ran up and you're floating in the middle of the air, over the space, looking down. Like recognizes like, and it's going to cast Witch Bolt at fifth level.

SAM: Game recognizes game--

LIAM: That's an attack roll, right?

MATT: It is.

LIAM: Okay, so it's got to hit me.

LIAM: It does, yes.

LIAM: Oh, that's a one.

ASHLEY: You have advan--

LIAM: Hits, not for this, not for that spell.

MATT: What'd you roll over there?

LIAM: A one for hitting-- oh, you didn't even roll to hit.

MATT: Well, right, but that'll be the roll when it gets there.

LIAM: That'll be the roll.

MATT: Natural 20.

SAM: Ooh!

MATT: I'm not even joking.

LIAM: I'll take it.

TRAVIS: One and 20.

MATT: That's fucked on Witch Bolt, because it's one of the-- with attack rolls on spells, you crit.

LIAM: Bring it.

MATT: That's 5d12.

LIAM: (shocked whoop)

MATT: Doubled.


MARISHA: Doubled.

LIAM: Look out, y'all. I'm coming.

LAURA: Witch Bolt is a d12?

MARISHA: We're about to watch Caleb plummet from the sky.

MATT: It's a d12, and then it's fifth level, so it's one d12 every level after.

SAM: That should be around 60 points, you'll be okay.

TALIESIN: You better be ready on that fucking heal spell, because--

MARISHA: How high up are you?

ASHLEY: That's doubled.

LIAM: I said 30 feet up.


MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: I have Counterspell, but I was like, "I know this guy can do worse. I'm going to save it."

LAURA: You can't cancel that crit?

TALIESIN: Oh, oh, wait wait wait!

LAURA: You can see through the fog!

TALIESIN: I can see it, can't I?


LAURA: Yeah, he can. You can see through the fog because he's next to Fjord.

MATT: Actually you can see, yeah.


TALIESIN: Am I close enough? I feel like--

MATT: What's the range on it?

LIAM: I'm 30 feet above deck, which is what I asked for.

TALIESIN: I believe the sp-- it's--

LAURA: You have to be within 30 feet.

TALIESIN: I believe it's 30 feet.

MATT: Yeah, so you would not.


MATT: That is 64 points of--

LIAM: Isn't his hand eight feet above deck? I'll take it, great. How much was it?

SAM: 64.

LIAM: 64.

SAM: ♪ When I'm 64 ♪

LIAM: Still flying.

MATT: All right, so 64 points of... this would be lightning damage.

SAM: Ouch.

MATT: Roll a concentration check. Anything less of a 20 on your advantage will cause you to lose concentration on Fly.

LIAM: Anything less of a 20?

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: For a con--

LAURA: Like, total 20?

MATT: Yeah, because it's half damage, so you have to beat a 32.

TRAVIS: I like your tee shirt, do it for the pong.

LIAM: 11, four, five, nine is 20.

MATT: No, no, I mean a natural 20.

LIAM: Oh a natural 20?

MATT: Yeah. Sorry, the damage--

LIAM: What's the total?

MATT: 32 is what you have to beat.

LIAM: Oh, because of how much damage it was? This is the first con-- yup, gone, down I go.

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

SAM: Wait.

MATT: You lose concentration and plummet 30 feet.

SAM: Oh, fly goes away?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: He lost concentration.

SAM: Oh no!

LIAM: I'll cast Feather Fall, though, as I'm falling.

MATT: Okay, as a reaction, which you can totally do. So you do not take fall damage. You drift down into the fog, and now have no visibility. You land safely and don't take any additional fall damage, but as you touch down, you are surrounded in thick white sea fog, and have no idea where other folks are.

TRAVIS: It's cool, it's cool, it's cool, it's cool.

SAM: It's not a good fight.

TRAVIS: Going exactly how I thought it would.

MARISHA: (laughing) We had so many good plans.

MATT: Shift over there.

LIAM: Oh, man.

MATT: The captain's going to take a swing with this fist.

SAM: Captain Kem!

TRAVIS: Clock that motherfucker.

MATT: That does hit!


LAURA: (squishing)

MATT: It takes four points of damage. (cheering)

LAURA: Fuck you, mahge. (laughter)

MATT: All righty, Beauregard, it's your turn.

MARISHA: Oh shit, okay, okay.

TRAVIS: Please get over here, please get over here.

MARISHA: Okay okay okay okay. I'm still grappled by douche lobster?

SAM: Wait, no, I thought that Yasha cut off his hand?

MATT: He's almost dead. He's just not quite--

MARISHA: It's almost dead.

SAM: She was aiming for the claw!

ASHLEY: I think I-- I think I added an extra seven by accident on the second hit.

MATT: Oh yeah, the first hit's the one-- got it.

ASHLEY: Yes. Mistake.

LAURA: So we got extra seven points.

MARISHA: But I still have an advantage on attack rolls.

MATT: You do. He's still stunned until the end of your turn.

MARISHA: And he's still stunned until the end of my turn.

MATT: Correct.

LAURA: Is he still stunned until the end of her turn?

MATT: He's actually still tunned. Still tunned.

SAM: Still tunned.

MARISHA: Still tunned.

MATT: Still tunned.

MARISHA: What do I do here? Okay, okay.

TALIESIN: Gotta figure out what the fuck I'm doing next. I know it's going to change--

LAURA: Yeah, that's the thing. I had all these things planned, and it is all--

MARISHA: I'm just going to try and-- I'm going to beat this guy's face and try and kill him so I can go away.


MATT: Go for it.

MARISHA: Pop pop. Oh my god.

MATT: You have an advantage on these hits, because he's stunned, don't forget.

MARISHA: Okay, okay, right, right, right.

MATT: Well, that first roll will be the first attack.

MARISHA: Right, right, and then just do them all at once.

ASHLEY: You also have advantage on attack rolls.

LIAM: This is the best.


TALIESIN: Advantage on attack rolls.

MARISHA: These are all rough, 14 for the first one?

MATT: 14 misses.

MARISHA: 16 for the second one.

MATT: Just barely hits.

MARISHA: That's with advantage on both of them.

MATT: Yeah.


TRAVIS: Shit. Come on.

MATT: The first strike, as you're just like--

MARISHA: I rolled two fours--

MATT: -- smacking.

MARISHA: -- on the first attack and a two and a six on the second one.

MATT: That sucks. Impacting against its outer shell. It's still resisting, but you do manage to push through with the next strike.

MARISHA: Wait, wait, wait. With my Belabor, 14, that's actually-- sorry, I was adding plus 10. It's actually a 16 on the first attack and a 18 on the second one.

MATT: Then both would hit.

MARISHA: Because it's a plus 12 with the Belabor.

MATT: There you go.

MARISHA: That's my bad, I am really sorry.

MATT: That's okay, They both hit, then.

MARISHA: Thank you.

MATT: No worries.

SAM: Why are you so good at Dungeons & Dragons? (laughter)

MATT: So the first hit?

MARISHA: Okay, the first hit is 13 damage.

MATT: 13 damage, all righty.

MARISHA: (whispering) Let's get this motherfucker.

MATT: All right, you have a second hit.

MARISHA: Yes, and then the second hit is 12 damage.

MATT: 12 damage. The first strike, as you punk it in the middle of the face, you watch it (gurgling). It pulls back and begins to gurgle a little bit. You see where the armor that normally protects the part of the head is now caved in and exposed, and with the second strike you take the staff and jam it in like a utensil, like you're carving the flesh out of a lobster claw. And as you put it inside, it immediately drops, releasing you.

TRAVIS: Let's go.

MARISHA: Thank god, okay.

LAURA: You guys, we're winning this fight.

MARISHA: Oh my god.

LIAM: (laughs)

LAURA: It's all turning around.

SAM: One of the enemies down.


LAURA: We killed a pawn, you guys!

MATT: You did it.

TALIESIN: How many player characters?

TRAVIS: We need your help! (pigeon cooing)


TRAVIS: (high-pitched) Help me!

MARISHA: Step of the wind, step of the wind--


MARISHA: -- so I can disengage.

TRAVIS: I fucked up! (pigeon cooing)

SAM: I'm in a soup of my own making! (cooing)

MARISHA: And I'm going to go into the fog where I know that Fjord and Avantika are, and that's as far as I know.

MATT: Okay, you rush in, and the first thing you've bump into is Avantika.

MARISHA: (grunts)

MATT: Because you're not quite sure where anybody is, and the direction that you're traveling from, the staircase, you run into her.

MARISHA: Cinematically, that's super cool. In reality, ho shit. Okay. That was my bonus action. Action, bonus action.

MATT: You're good.

MARISHA: I moved and that's it.

SAM: It's an awkward meet?

TRAVIS: That's good.

MATT: You have more movement, if you want to try and--

TRAVIS: If she tries to leave, and you can hit her, she stays.

LAURA: Oh, that's true, that's true.

LIAM: Keep her rooted to the spot, yeah.

TRAVIS: That's what I needed.

MARISHA: That's all I got, that's all I got.

TRAVIS: Nobody can see in.

LIAM: No, that's gold.

MARISHA: So I'm just going to look at her and go: 'Sup? And then that's it.

MATT: Okay. That finished your go. Fjord, you're up.

TRAVIS: Well, nothing like following one bad decision with another one, right?

LIAM: Yes.

LAURA: Do it.

TRAVIS: I am going to cast Command at 5th-level, and say the word "drop."

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Because the target drops whatever it is holding and then ends its turn.

LIAM: Oh, that's a great move.

TRAVIS: With a wisdom save of 18.

MATT: Yeah, at 5th-level you can target other creatures, technically, within 60 feet.

TRAVIS: 60 feet?

MATT: Yes. Because a higher level doesn't make it harder for them; it just has more targets.

TRAVIS: Is that mage within 60 feet?

LIAM: The lobster holding Veth?

MATT: The mage is not, but the lobster that's holding onto--

LIAM: Lobster's holding Veth!

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that one, that one, yeah, lobster holding Veth.

MATT: Okay. So roll for the lobster first.

SAM: Do they need to understand or anything, or does it just work?

MATT: It magically-- the command goes through to their mind. That is a 16. What's the spell DC?

TRAVIS: For Avantika?

MATT: No, for the lobster.

TRAVIS: It's 18 wisdom.

MATT: Oh yeah, so totally, he drops you. You are no longer grappled.


LAURA and MARISHA: (mumbling) What about Avantika?

LAURA: Her wisdom's higher, I think, than the lobster.

MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: I'm dying, I'm dying inside.

MATT: Avantika, with the wisdom bonus, is a 16.

ALL: (exclaiming)

MATT: So as she's putting the orb into her pocket, turns and looks over at Beauregard being bumped into, and then hears you just shout at her, "Drop it." And as she does, the eyes glaze over for a second and the orb just, (thudding, rolling) begins to roll from her feet.

LAURA: Is it rolling under Beau's feet?

MATT: It's just right in front of her. So technically it's in the same space as her.

TALIESIN: You still have enough to grab it.

MATT: Well, that's your action is casting the spell.


TALIESIN: Bonus action?

TRAVIS: I want to stay-- It's like right under her feet, right?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Yeah, and I'm right there, and Beau's right on the other side. We're making a Avantika sandwich.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Right? Is that where we currently are? If that's not the case, I would like to make sure--

MATT: You're not at the moment. If you want to try and squeeze past, you can to be full flanking.

TRAVIS: Yeah, that thing.

MATT: Okay, all right.

TRAVIS: I almost pulled my thumb out of socket.

MATT: Don't do that.

TRAVIS: It's all right, it usually goes back in.

MATT: There you go. The fog does move with you. There we go. All right, that finishes your turn?

TRAVIS: I think so, I think I chewed on the--

TALIESIN: Do you have to use an action to pick that up? Or is it a bonus action to pick that up?

TRAVIS: I don't have--

LAURA: Can you grab it with a bonus action?

TRAVIS: No, I don't think so.

LAURA: He investigated and he was able to grab it.

TRAVIS: That was her action.

MATT: That was her action to do that.

LAURA: But she investigated. Isn't investigating an action?

TRAVIS: Yeah, that was her action.

MATT: She used her action to look for it.

LAURA: And then she grabbed it.

MATT: Yes, she did.

TALIESIN: But she's blind and he's not.

LAURA: So you used your action to cast a spell, so then you could grab it with your bonus action?

LIAM: That was scrabbling-- well.

MATT: Her action was looking for it, and when she succeeded, so she found it.

TALIESIN: So the difference is whether or not it's because she's blind versus you, who are not, whether or not it's a--

MATT: Correct. I would say--

TALIESIN: Interesting differential because, yeah. Oh my god.

MATT: There is--

TALIESIN: Yeah, she spends her action to pick it up again.

TRAVIS: We can see, she can't.

MATT: Use object, pick up stuff.

TRAVIS: Now it just goes (impacts) and it's just cloud.


TRAVIS: I just needed sentry.

MATT: Yeah. So picking up a weapon, picking up an object can be considered part of an action, generally, if it's on the ground. Because you do not have a challenge to see this, as part of the action, I will allow you to pick it up if you want.

TRAVIS: Oh, really?! I will pick it up.

MATT: Because it would be the equivalent of picking up a dropped weapon that's in your space, which you can do as part of an attack action, or another action. Because you are not encumbered by the sight within the fog, you can do that.

TRAVIS: Ah! (grunting)

MATT: What?!

TRAVIS: I'll just pick it up.

MATT: That's an action.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

TALIESIN: Lick it.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: Okay. Okay, okay.

MATT: Okay. So you now have the cloven crystal in your grasp. That ends your turn, Fjord. Yasha, you're up.

ASHLEY: Oh god, I don't know if I would jump in, since you guys left. If I would stay here. Okay, I'll keep fighting these things, because we're going to have to fight them at some point or another. Okay. I'm going to take an attack on lobster number one

MATT: Right there?


MATT: Okay, go for it. He's the one who still has you grappled. So he's the one that's right in front of you.

ASHLEY: Right.

ASHLEY: That would be... 15. That doesn't hit, right?

MATT: 15 does not hit.

LAURA: Did you take-- is it--

MATT: You still have advantage on your attacks.

ASHLEY: Even though it's on-- it ends--

MATT: It ends at the end of your next turn. So you're still affected by your ability.

ASHLEY: That's worse! Okay. So, uh, second attack. Goddamn it. That is 14.

MATT: You still have advantage.

ASHLEY: Oh shit, shit, shit. Okay, oh yeah, that hits, that hits, okay. That's 27.

MATT: 27 does hit. There you go.

TRAVIS: There's a lot happening. There's a lot happening.

MATT: Yeah, it's all good.

ASHLEY: I'm going to roll again, Savage Attacker, because that was shit. Much better, much better. Okay, so that would be... 30. No, sorry. 20. Sheesh louise.

TALIESIN: Pressure's high.

MATT: 20 damage? Well, this is still your first hit, so you get all the damage that you normally would.

ASHLEY: No, that was my-- because the first hit--

MATT: The first time you hit, you get all the bonuses of your subclass. So even if you miss the first strike, all that carries on to the next attack--

ASHLEY: Oh my god. Let me roll another one, another--

MATT: So 20 plus seven plus whatever that is.

ASHLEY: So that would be... 25 total.

MATT: 25-- did you roll a five there?


MATT: Then plus seven from your--

ASHLEY: From the radiant-- oh my god.

MATT: So it's 32 points of damage.


MATT: There you go.


MATT: There you go.

TRAVIS: Let's go.

MATT: So with one swipe, the first one skids off of its armor. As it's holding you, you bring your blade down and jam it into its back, and it carves in about a foot and a half and you wedge in pull it out with an arc spray of purple viscera. It took a hefty chunk of it in one hit.


MATT: That was pretty nice.

ASHLEY: Okay, okay.

MATT: You're still grappled, however.

ASHLEY: Okay, um-- That's all I can do.

MATT: Okay, that finishes your turn, Yasha.

ASHLEY: Yeah, that finishes my turn.

MATT: All right, it is now Avantika's turn.

TRAVIS: Oh god.

LAURA: But she's commanded--

MATT: At the front of her turn-- the fart? At the start of her turn-- (laughter)

MATT: She farts at the start of her turn. She does have to make a saving throw against your--


MATT: Which she rolls a-- 21, so she succeeds, so she takes half damage. So go ahead and roll.

TALIESIN: So after half, that's six radiant damage.

MATT: Six radiant damage to Avantika.

TALIESIN: Does it seem like it's hurting her?

MATT: She's taking damage, yeah.

TALIESIN: But she doesn't look like-- is she undead taking radiant damage kind of damage, or?

MATT: It doesn't seem to be effecting her any more than you would expect.

TALIESIN: Expect her to be undead, all right.

MATT: Not all undead are vulnerable to radiant.

TALIESIN: Boo. All right, and she's slowed so she moves at half speed right now.

MATT: Half speed, you got it. So she, as she realizes what happened, goes, "Oh, you've gotten very tricky since last we met, honey." Before she goes for the rapier, which is now hanging at the edge of her belt, she glances over at you, Beauregard, and then even slowed, is going to try and dodge around the side. You do get an attack on her, if you want to.

MARISHA: Sentinel.

MATT: Sentinel. Go for it.

TRAVIS: I thought in the description of Command, it says the target drops whatever it is holding and then ends its turn.

MATT: "Must succeed a wisdom save or follow the command on its next turn." That's an interesting point of order. So technically it wouldn't have dropped the orb until this turn.

TRAVIS: Got it, okay.

SAM: So you don't have it?

TRAVIS: It's on the ground.

MATT: Correct. So now it's on the ground.


SAM: But she doesn't get an action.

MATT: She doesn't get an action.


MATT: Been a while since we've done the Command spell.

TRAVIS: Totally.


TRAVIS: It's kind of good and kind of bad.

MATT: So she uses her action to drop the orb and it's there on the ground.

MARISHA: Is she still trying to bolt? Now what is she doing?

MATT: Right now? No, she's going to stay put. It's right at her feet and she's just at a "come at me" type positioning.


MATT: She's gauging everyone. She can vaguely see shapes to the right and left and in front of her, so she's going to hold her position and put her feet over where the orb currently is, and is preparing to go for it next chance she gets. So.


MATT: Does kind of waste her turn.


SAM: She knows where it is, too.

MATT: So that's her turn. She just ends it there.

TRAVIS: It's right between her feet, right? Like, she just dropped it.

MATT: On the ground. It's rolled a little bit.

TRAVIS: That's fine.

MATT: That ends-- fuck, that fucks up her turn. Top of its turn, the other creature is going to and go ahead and make a save against you. Which-- it rolls a natural 20, so it makes it save. But go ahead and-- so it takes half damage to your Spiritual Guardians.

LAURA: Okay, okay, okay. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. Where's my other? Okay. Ooh! 28 points of radiant damage on that.

MATT: Nice. So it takes 14 points of radiant damage. Oh, that's the wrong one. There we go. 14. (unhappy gurgling) It's going to go ahead and immediately lash into you out of anger and frustration at the damage.

LAURA: The little froggy guy?

MATT: Yep.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Because he's right there next to you. First strike is going to be... 21 to hit.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: All right, so you take 14 points of slashing damage.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Second strike is going to be 26 to hit.

LAURA: Wow, okay.

MATT: That's going to be 13 points of slashing damage.

LAURA: Cool.

MATT: And constitution-- Constitution checks on each of these. You just have to beat a 10. With advantage.

LAURA: Okay, that works.

MATT: There are constitution saving throws.

LAURA: Both of them save.

MATT: Okay, third one. That's cocked, actually. That's going to be another 21.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: That one you take 17 points of slashing damage. Go ahead and make another attack with the advantage-- or another constitution saving throw with advantage .

TRAVIS: This is all from that big fucker?

LAURA: The little frog!

MATT: The little frog thing.

TRAVIS: Goddamn, that thing's a monster.

MATT: Mind you, it's still nine feet and wide as fuck.

LAURA: He's not a little frog, he's a big scary frog. That's-- I save.

MATT: And as soon as it finishes that, it vanishes from behind you.

LAURA: Wait, before-- during that, could I have use reaction on him before he did?

MATT: You can use a reaction in the middle of it, yeah.

LAURA: Can I say I did my Hellish Rebuke on him?

MATT: Yeah, you can. Yes, you can indeed. So he has to make a constitution saving throw against you, or reflex?

LAURA: I don't know?! Hold on, let me--! Where's my Hellish Rebuke?! Where's the spell? Oh, there it is. Okay. It's a dexterity.

MATT: Dexterity. 16.

LAURA: He saves.

MATT: So he takes half damage.

LAURA: Half damage, 3d10.

MATT: And is going to (poofing) right back over next to Caleb, who has just faintly landed on the outskirts the fog.

LAURA: So he took eight points, so it was a 16.

MATT: You got it. All right, that finishes its go. Now, the rest of the crab creatures're going to go. The one that's still in front of you is going to go ahead and take a wisdom save. And it's going to fail, so roll damage for the--

LAURA: I roll again or he just takes the same damage that I rolled before?

MATT: We can do either. I mean, like. I will say, because it's a different initiative turn, go ahead and roll damage.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

LIAM: My mind's going in, like, seven directions. If this happens, then this. If this happens, then this.

TRAVIS: Branching narrative going on here.

LAURA: 22.

MATT: 22, nice. It gets sparked from the floating around massive swarm of celestial unicorn hamsters, and then shifts its way across the ship here to try and shore up its positioning against Veth and is going to attack Veth twice. First strike, it's cocked. Oh, that's a real bad one. That's 11.

SAM: Hey, that misses.

TRAVIS: Real bad.

MATT: Yep, and that's going to be a 17 to hit.

SAM: Misses!

MATT: Both giant pincers swings. You duck out of the way and then tumble roll and catch yourself on the ground, no impact on you. That finishes its go. This one, it has you grappled, Yasha, it's going to go ahead and strike at you twice. The first one is a natural 20.

ASHLEY: That definitely hits.

TALIESIN: I am not within range. Nope.

MATT: Unfortunately.


MATT: Within 30 feet? You are not.

ASHLEY: I'm also raging, so.

MATT: You are, so you'll just take half damage, which is good. So you take on that one... 18 points of bludgeoning damage, reduced to half, so nine. And the second attack is going to be a nine. So yeah.

SAM: Oh great.

MATT: The first, its other pincer goes to grab towards you and you duck out of the way as it closes its other one, that's still holding it even tighter around you and squeezes and fills you with pain as it does tentacles unfurl from under its armor and making the latch up your body. Make constitution saving throw for me, please.

ASHLEY: Ooh, okay. Natural 20.

TRAVIS: Oh, come on!

MATT: No effect from the poison.


MATT: This guy here is going to--

ASHLEY: I haven't rolled one of those...

MATT: Chitter down into the fog and begin to push its way towards Caduceus, whatever it runs into in this space and the first thing that comes into is Caduceus.

TALIESIN: So immediately upon entering the field, it takes damage.

MATT: It does.

TALIESIN: Before it even gets anywhere near me and then it also gets its movement halved for 15 feet.

MATT: Correct, so at-- it can't quite get to you.

TALIESIN: Nope, can't. So let's take some damage.

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Do a save, I guess.

MATT: It's just out of the range to get to actually attack you. Oh, but it has a reach of 10 with its pincers, so, no, it is in range.

TALIESIN: Well, first to take some damage, anyway.

MATT: Indeed. So it's a natural one on its save. So it takes full damage.

TALIESIN: That's, six, 11, 11, 12, 13, 14.

LAURA: Do your beetles do more damage than my hamsters?

TRAVIS: Go Bears.

SAM: Maybe it's just as bad.

LIAM: Puppy Bowl.

TALIESIN: One, hold on one second, sorry, sorry, just doing math.

MARISHA: So cute.

SAM: Use D&D Beyond's rolling feature!

TALIESIN: Fuck off. (laughter)

TALIESIN: 21 points of radiant damage.

MATT: Okay, nice.

TRAVIS: Yes, sir.

LAURA: Just barely. But he did cast it at a 4th-level.

MATT: So is that blasts across, and this one's looking pretty dang hurt at this point. It's like (gurgling). It's going ahead and swing twice at you with its pincers. The first one. They have disadvantage on each because they're in the fog and you are technically partially obscured. It's just swinging at a shape in the fog. Natural one.

TALIESIN: Oh, in that case, it misses me with an attack, so I'm going to use my reaction to blast them with arcane force.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: That's-- let's see. 10. 20 points of force damage.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Whoa.

MATT: Here. Because right now-- Fjord moved away from next to you, so your visibility has faded in the fog. You felt something swing towards you, go ahead and--

TALIESIN: The shield just has a reaction, so.

MATT: No, I understand. This is me trying to see if you're able to actually aim it in the right direction from something, without knowing something's there. So just roll a perception check for me. You're super easy at that.

TALIESIN: I don't have any advantage on that, do I?

MATT: You have disadvantage on it, because you're in heavy-- you're obscured fog, but you don't have to roll super high.

SAM: Fucking fog.

TALIESIN: Thank god, because I-- No, never mind. That's good. 25.

MATT: Yeah, you're fine. So go ahead. That's 20 damage, you said?

TALIESIN: 20 damage and then make a strength saving throw, if you're still alive.

MATT: It doesn't need to. As you turn this way, the shield blasts off this burst of arcane force damage, and you watch as faint shadows of something just disappears. The rest of you see, firing out of the fog, a rain of calamari chunks. (laughter) Just scatters on the side of the ship.

MARISHA: We're going to eat good tonight.

TALIESIN: Yasha, was that you? Oh, sorry! (laughter)

MATT: Well done.

TRAVIS: I'll fix it, I'll fix it.

MATT: All right, that's going to finish their go. Veth, you're up. Caleb, you're on deck.

SAM: Good gravy. I've got two giant lobsters behind me, right? And there's a big cloud fog thing. Still have advantage on my attack from Yasha, right?



SAM: What?!

ASHLEY: Ends at my turn.

SAM: You poopy head.

ASHLEY: Well, you know, I do what I can.

SAM: How do I?

TRAVIS: ♪ How do I ♪

LAURA: You're not grappled anymore.

SAM: I know, but I can't do sneak attack unless the one that's engaged with me is engaged with somebody else. Are they? No.

LAURA: Can't you run away from it?

SAM: Sure.

LAURA: Run away from it.

SAM: Into the fog.

LAURA: Stop talking.

SAM: Then I can't see anyone.

MARISHA: Yeah, you can if you stand by Fjord.

SAM: I don't know where Fjord is.

MARISHA: Run into the fog and find out.

TRAVIS: (pigeon coo) Help me! (pigeon coo) All the regrets!

SAM: What? Oh shit. So no lobsters near me are engaged. And is anyone I can see engaged with somebody else?

MATT: At the moment, there is the weird, toad demon creature that is harrying the shape of a person in the fog, yes. Oh, by the way, Beauregard, I forgot to mention because you did get one attack on Avantika, you do take 25 points of cold damage.

MARISHA: Wait, what, why, what?

TRAVIS: 25 points of cold damage?

LAURA: Because she's got the fucking armor.

MATT: That icy--

TRAVIS: Agathys.

MATT: Armor of Agathys that is currently protecting her. So just--

MARISHA: 25 points of cold?

MATT: Yeah, so mark that down.

MARISHA: Okay, I take back what I just told you. Now it's different.

SAM: All right, if I see that thing is engaged with someone, I will attack it.

TRAVIS: That was the max.

MATT: I'll say, yeah.

MARISHA: Okay, okay, okay.

SAM: Yeah?

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: Okay. I will, bonus action, charge up my Brenatto's Voltaic Bolt.

MATT: You got it.

SAM: And then I will-- Wait, that's my 3rd-level spell. That's okay. And then I will shoot aiming... True. No!

TRAVIS: (laughs) Rogue natural ability or whatever!

SAM: 15?

LIAM: Doesn't affect attack rolls.

MATT: 15 does not hit.

SAM: Argh!


MATT: (sizzling) (firing) (air whooshing) Off into the ocean. You watch as this distant flare of a spark just disappears into the storm in the distance.

SAM: And then I will use my movement to run into the fog. You, Matthew Mercer, get to pick where you think I would go, because I haven't seen anyone in there for a while. I'm just trying to find action.

LAURA: Would you've Fjord yell, "Drop it"?

MATT: Roll a d4.

MARISHA: ♪ Into the unknown! ♪

MATT: One, two, three, four. That's the arc spread them on there.

SAM: Two.

MATT: Two. All right, you run into the fog, charging around the side and head, bumping right in between Fjord and Caduceus.

SAM: Oh, so I can see them?

MATT: You can see them, yes. And you can see Avantika.

SAM: Cool.

MARISHA: Wait, can he see Beau, too?



TALIESIN: Oh wait. Isn't she--

MARISHA: I heard Nott.

TALIESIN: -- sharing an edge with Fjord?

MATT: Actually, yeah, because you see through the fog entirely. So yeah. So you can see Beauregard. However, there's an attack of opportunity against you from the creature, and if it does hit, that'll change this because it will grapple you.

SAM: Oh.

LAURA: Oh no.

TRAVIS: Doesn't it roll with-- Oh, no.

MATT: It does roll a 12 to hit, so you duck out of the way, dart past into the fog. You are snow blind for a second and then all of a sudden everything clarifies and it's just a faint layer of gray around everything. You can clearly see everything in the cloud around you, including Avantika standing between the group of you with the orb on the ground right there. Does that finish your turn?

SAM: Yep, that's it.

TALIESIN: Have you taken damage?

MATT: All right. Caleb, you're up. Jester, you're on deck.

LIAM: Oh, I am in the kill box and low on HP and I don't want anyone to have to worry about healing me, so from out of the fog a T-rex lumbers up--

TRAVIS: Yes! Let it go, baby!

LIAM: -- out of the fog!

TRAVIS: Let's go!

LAURA: Yes, and he has a T-rex!

TRAVIS and ASHLEY: Yeah! (laughter)

MARISHA: What is this?

LAURA: T-rex fight on a boat!

LIAM: Turn me around, Matt. Face me the other way.

TRAVIS: Fuck your D&D game!

LIAM: Swivel me around the other way, sir.

MATT: The other way?

LAURA: Oh my god. (laughter)

LAURA: This fight is everything!

MATT: There you go.

LIAM: (like Stefon from SNL) This boat has everything. (laughter)

LIAM: And with my move, because that's my action. So with my-- because I can't attack, right? Because casting Polymorph just gets me there. So with my movement, I am going to lumber and squeeze. Use my 50 feet of movement to bully my way towards the center so I can get my face right into the fish mage's face, if possible, between the stairs.

MATT: So you're going to attempt to step over. Unfortunately, this guy is blocking your movement.

LIAM: Which guy, lobster guy?

MATT: The lobster guy, yeah.

LIAM: That doesn't become just difficult terrain for my massive miniature?

MATT: If it's a mini-- if it was a medium-sized creature, I'd say yes. He's large enough to be an issue.

LIAM: What if I absolutely destroyed the ballista behind me to get there?

SAM: You'd have to use an attack to--

LIAM: I'll stomp on it.

MATT: You know what? Go ahead and make a strength check.

MARISHA: This is officially an Asylum film. (laughter)


LIAM: That's a 20.

MATT: 20, that beats an 18. So yeah, I'll say you do manage to step on it and push over to get to where you're wanting to go.

LIAM: (yells)

MARISHA: Arctic-Rex 24!

MATT: You stomp over and--

LIAM: And if you'll allow, the whole point is to get my big toothy maw, breathing hot air in the mage's face.

MATT: Certainly.

LIAM: (low growling breaths)

TRAVIS: So good, dude. So! Good!

MATT: Sure, there we go. There we go. D&D.

LIAM: Yeah!

ASHLEY: ♪ It's D&D! ♪

SAM: That looks like a bunch of toys from my son's toy drawer.

MATT: Yeah. (laughter)

TRAVIS: This is amazing.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: (like a movie trailer) The killer lobster--

MATT: So as all of you are there in the middle of the fog, all staring at Avantika in this standoff moment, looking at each other, you suddenly hear (roars). You all glance over into the corner of the fog: there's a T-rex on your boat, in the middle of the arctic ocean, the Frigid Depths. As he just walks away (stomping footsteps). You do get an attack of opportunity from the crustacean as you move past. That is a... 15 to hit?

LIAM: It hits.

MATT: All right. That does, however, hold you back because you are grappled by it from the--

LIAM: Doesn't he have Veth in it? Oh, no, he missed her, right?

SAM: I scrambled away.

MATT: You do take 14 points of bludgeoning damage, and you're not quite to your quarry because you're being held back by a giant piece of calamari.

LIAM: Am I 10 feet away?

MATT: You are. So yes, you are in range.

LIAM: Okay.

LAURA: That T-rex is coming down.

TRAVIS: That is so Jurassic Park 2.

MATT: Oh, it'll be fine, what are you talking about? It's going to be great. It's going to last forever, you guys. (laughter)

SAM: I want Jester to polymorph--

LAURA: T-rex is going to take out the whole map.

MATT: This is a great--


SAM: I want you to polymorph into a Lego guy--

TRAVIS: It's moving!

SAM: -- or, like, a matchbox car just so we can make this map even weirder.


LIAM: Hold me up, barbarian dude.

MATT: Let's go ahead and close that door there.

ASHLEY: He was trying so hard to hold on.

TRAVIS: We've got an open door. This ship is awesome.

LAURA: Oh my god.

MATT: There we go. Sure.


MATT: Fuck all y'all, it's fine.

LAURA: It's going to work.

MATT: Thanks for making a T-rex on a boat, Liam! Goddamn it.

SAM: Oh no!

LIAM: Hey, man, you Witch Bolted me so hard.

MATT: I did, I did. Not my fault; enemies did it. All right. Sure, sure. It's fine. (cheering)

LIAM: Another circle for the Olympics.

MATT: We'll leave it how it went. You're in range, you're a T-rex, you can hit him, it's fine.

SAM: One more circle, guys. We can do this.

LIAM: Someone put down in the area of effect spell.

ASHLEY: Oh no, it's falling again.


ASHLEY: I love how he was like--

MATT: I'm just going to chuck you in the ocean, man. All right, that finish your turn, Caleb?!

LIAM: (laughing) Yes.

MATT: Okay. Jester, you're up. Caduceus, you're on deck.

LAURA: I'm going to--

TRAVIS: I love it. Such a good session.

LAURA: Oh god. (laughter)

MARISHA: Oh my god.

LAURA: I'm going to run down. (laughter)

MATT: I love this game.

TRAVIS: I know!

LAURA: There's still another lobster up by Yasha.

MATT: Correct. There are two on the deck.

LAURA: I'm going to use my spiritual weapon to attack the lobster.

MATT: Go for it. It moves over and is easily within range.

LAURA: That's a natural one.

MATT: That misses.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Big whiff.

LAURA: I'm going to run into the fog.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: ♪ Into the unknown ♪

MATT: Roll a d4 for me.

MARISHA: ♪ Into the unknown ♪

LAURA: Three?

MATT: Okay. You run into Caduceus.

LAURA: Oh! Okay.

TALIESIN: Ah, again, everybody.

MATT: You are still blinded. You do not see anything in the space.

SAM: Does she see Caduceus or smell his musk?

MATT: At your passive perception? Not quite.

LAURA: And that's as far as I can get?

MATT: That's far as you can get. You are blocked between the ballista and your friends. You can try and push through your friends if you want to, but you're moving-- Oh, I guess. Well, what do you want to do?

LAURA: If I can shout and try to walk as far as I can.

MATT: Actually, no, that's as far as you can get because you can only move five more feet and those two spaces next to you are occupied by friends. So you either move to the left or right, but you can't move forward any more.

LAURA: Okay. Then--

ASHLEY: How close do you have to be to be able to see in the fog?

LAURA: I can't really--

SAM: Right next to.

LAURA: Is my spiritual guardians, are they at least protecting? Do they still count as protecting everything within 15 feet of me, if I can't see the things?

MATT: Correct.


MATT: Yeah. They're still hitting things around you.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: You're just not focusing on them.

SAM: Audience can't see any of these minis either.

MATT: Yep. (laughter)

MATT: Hey. You guys are throwing shit down to obscure the battlefield, not my fault. Sorry.

LAURA: Dang it, I had wanted to heal, for the first time ever.

SAM: But you forgot?

LAURA: No, I just can't see anybody.

SAM: Oh, okay.

TRAVIS: Yeah, that's my fault.

LIAM: Really, it's just like (inaudible) at the Olympics.

SAM: That's right.

TRAVIS: Went a lot differently in my head.

LIAM: Oh yeah.

TALIESIN: Did you think that any of your friends could see in there no matter what?

TRAVIS: No, I just thought I would meet somebody over there.

LIAM: Oh man, I was like, going to be back to back with Fjord, knocking spells out of the air. Here we go.

TALIESIN: I mean, I kind of got there.

LAURA: I'm going to hold an attack until I can see something, I'm going to hold a spell until I can see an enemy. Do I have to clarify which enemy?

MATT: You have to clarify what spell you're casting, and you're just saying until you see an enemy?


MATT: Okay, you got it.

LAURA: I'm going to hold Guiding Bolt until I can see an enemy.

MATT: You got it.

MARISHA: Until you can sea anemone. (laughter)

MATT: Well done.

LIAM: Crawl up the side of the deck.

MATT: Does that finish your turn? Okay.

MARISHA: Here it comes!

LAURA: I'm worthless.

MATT: Jester hits at the end. Caduceus, you're up.

MARISHA: I swear it's coming.

TALIESIN: I'm going to crawl my way over to where I saw Fjord move, very slowly, so I can tap him for some view, so I can see shit.

MATT: You would have to move into range. You could move in and square in.

TALIESIN: Yeah, try to get behind him.

MATT: Or are you going to scoot off to the side?


MATT: So you can move around over here to get to get within five feet of him to see the space.

TALIESIN: That's perfect.

MATT: There you go.

TALIESIN: All right. Now I'm--

MATT: My god. You fuckers with all of your--

TALIESIN: And she's still within my 15 feet, right?

MATT: Correct.

TALIESIN: Okay. Then I'm going to cast-- where did it go?

LAURA: Is she within my 15 feet?

MATT: Yep.


TALIESIN: I'm going to cast--

MATT: Your overlapping guardians. (fluttering)

LAURA: I like to imagine that a couple of the beetles have climbed on top of some of my flying unicorns, are holding onto them.

MARISHA: Riding them?

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: I'm going to cast Mass Cure Wounds to try and get everybody who needs it into the 30-foot circle.


TALIESIN: So you can use my current 30-foot circle. I'm going to try and get Beau, I don't know if I can get Jester, I'm going to try.

MATT: Which spell are you doing?

TALIESIN: Mass Cure Wounds.

LAURA: I'm right next you.

TALIESIN: Yeah, but I drop a point to make a 30-foot radius thing.

LAURA: Oh, I see.

MATT: So this will drop your spiritual guardians, then?

TALIESIN: No, it's not concentration.

MATT: Wait, Mass Cure Wounds is instantaneous. I was making sure it wasn't a concentration thing.

TALIESIN: No, no, no.

MATT: Okay, cool. That's what I thought.

TALIESIN: So it's a 30-foot. Yeah. Up to six creatures and 30-foot radius sphere centered on any point within 60 feet. So I'm going to try and get Beau and Jester and see if I can get--

MATT: You can get everybody in this space here without a problem.

TALIESIN: All right. So that's 5th-level.

MATT: That's everybody except for Yasha.

SAM: Yeah, but he can't see where anyone is.

MATT: Everybody except Yasha and Caleb's T-rex. I was like, "Where's Caleb's mini? Oh, right."

LIAM: C-Rex!

TALIESIN: Everybody gets-- that's okay. 20 points, everybody gets 20 points.

MARISHA: That's great.

MATT: Nice.

LAURA: That's great.

TALIESIN: And then-- yeah. And I'm good. That's my-- I don't really have a bonus action or anything to-- I don't think I have any bonus actions that are really that interesting. No.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: No, that's what's I got.

MATT: That finishes your turn?


MATT: You got it. All right.

TALIESIN: So you got 20. You got 20.

MATT: This crew here is now going to try and turn the ballista to fire upon this crab creature, rotating around. There's too much there. I'm just going to say it's facing them. It's fine. No, that is a 12. That shoots past. This bolt, as it's about to fire, the runes in the front go, (magical whooshing) and you watch as energy begins to arc through this large metal arrow-like bolt. And as he releases it, it bolts fast with an impossible amount of force and speed and it's just a little bit too wide, but it seems to go straight for an extended distance. These are some powerful ballista.

LAURA: Good to know.


TRAVIS: How did you miss? No, I'm just kidding.

MATT: Because the creature was grabbing onto the front of it and wrestling with it. He's like (screaming).

TALIESIN: You might have three creatures in your-- by the way.

MATT: All righty. That's going to finish their go. That one over there, can't see where to aim and is currently holding on looking for something to aim towards, but is currently stuck in the fog cloud. That brings us to the mage up here who's next to you.

LIAM: Yeah.

SAM: That's maj.

MATT: The T-rex is a problem. (laughter)

TRAVIS: That's a meme.

MATT: But--

MARISHA: The T-rex is a problem.

TRAVIS: T-rex is a problem.

MATT: But it does have priorities and it is an intelligent creature. So it's going to still stay within your range and move over to this side and is going to cast Dispel Magic on the fog cloud, which vanishes.

SAM: Thank god.

TRAVIS: I didn't think it could be dispelled.

MATT: Any magical effect can be dispelled if it's targeted directly and unless it states otherwise.

TALIESIN: Weren't you holding an attack?

MATT: Now you can see things.

LAURA: I was until I could see!

MATT: You can see. Who are you going after?

LAURA: Avantika!

MATT: Go for it, roll an attack.

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: "Cannot be dispersed." That's fine.

LAURA: Okay. So that's an attack roll.

TRAVIS: Dispersed. I'm not going to argue with him! I think dispersed by natural means.

LAURA: 20.

MATT: 20 misses.

SAM: Like wind.


MATT: As you're holding the bolt and you unleash it, Avantika-- you let it go, and you're sure it would hit, and as soon as your vision clarifies, she's already dodged to the side and it just moves by.

LAURA: She's really hard to hit.

SAM: She wasn't for Fjord.

ALL: Oh!

LAURA: Wait. Oh.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: Wait, what'd you roll?

LAURA: 20.

MARISHA: And you missed?

MATT: And is just going to stay within your combat range. It's going to finish his movement over here, still within your 10-foot reach of your maw. But it's now maneuvering between you and the battlefield below and is trying to keep concentrated in two spaces. That's going to mark that spell there. All righty. Now it is Beauregard's turn. Fjord, you're on deck.

MARISHA: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Okay. Where's the crystal?

MATT: It's in Avantika's space.

TRAVIS: Between her feet.

MATT: Yes.

SAM: It's like--

TRAVIS: Right next to you.

SAM: Right on it.

MARISHA: Uh-huh. No, I'm just trying to think of what's the right move here. If I go for it, is it going to be a contested dex roll or something?

MATT: It would be. She's protecting it. It's not in your space. If an object is in your space, you can pick it up with a movement, but because the drop spell dropped it in her space, she's defending it. It would be a contested element here.

LIAM: Oh, let's go, ninja.

SAM: If you're reaching between her legs, Henry Crabgrass would like a word with you-- (laughter)

SAM: -- about consent.

MARISHA: The consent grass, yeah.

MATT: (as Henry) "Just make sure you check in with her first." (laughter)

MARISHA: Uh-huh. I'm not going to waste any actions or doing-- I'm going to just go for it, I'm going for it.

LIAM: Get that football.

MATT: Going for--?

MARISHA: The crystal.

MATT: Okay. So you're using your action to attempt to grab the crystal. All right. So this would be a contested... We'll say a contested athletics or acrobatics.

LIAM: Oh yeah.

MARISHA: All right.

LIAM: Come on, jock.

MARISHA: Do I have any advantage?

TRAVIS: Which one you taken?

MATT: There is no advantage.

MARISHA: Both are the same. Both are the same, so I'm going to say acrobatics, as I try to.

MATT: This is you both trying to maneuver through and her to try and deflect you and go for it herself.

LIAM: Hacky sack it into your hands, dude.

MARISHA: Lucky jade, lucky jade dice.

TRAVIS: He already rolled.

LIAM: Come on, come on.

MARISHA: He already rolled?

LIAM: Come on, come on.

MARISHA: 20 total.

MATT: 28.

ALL: Oh!

MATT: Rolled a natural 16. She's real quick.

LIAM: Ooh!

MARISHA: So what does that mean?

MATT: It means you try and reach for it, and she kicks it out of your grasp and you try and go for it again, and she blocks the way and knocks you off to the side and kicks it back like a soccer player-- or football for our non-US friends-- player keeping the ball and guarding it through its legs.

LIAM: Allez, allez, allez, allez.

TRAVIS: With all of that dribbling, does she manage to keep it within her space?

MATT: She keeps within her own space, but it is a failed grasp. You still have your bonus action and your move.

LIAM: I was sure you had that. Goddamn.



MARISHA: Goddamn it.

TRAVIS: Can you put your finger right above where Avantika is?

MATT: See that purple thing?


MATT: That's her.


MATT: Yeah.

SAM: (as Henry) You should've asked.

MARISHA: All right. Well. Well. All right.

MATT: It was like damn good try. The dice weren't with it, but that was a good try.

MARISHA: I didn't roll great. Okay. I might as well Flurry of Blows her and see if I can stun her.

MATT: You can only Flurry of Blows if use your attack action. But you can do it--

MARISHA: Patient Defense!

MATT: Okay, Patient Defense, you got it. (laughter)

MARISHA: Damn it!

LIAM: Grandma Patient Defense.

MATT: (like an old woman) Come at me! All right, that finishes Beau's go. Fjord, you're up. Yasha, you're on deck.

LIAM: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.

TRAVIS: So is she effectively against the side of the ship?

MATT: Yeah, you're all up against the edge of the ship and you and Beauregard are on one side and the rest of your friends are off to the edge.

TRAVIS: So if I stayed in her melee range and rotated around, could I get on-- could I put myself in front of her with the side of the ship and the ocean beyond it?

MATT: You could, yeah.

TRAVIS: I'm going to try and do that.

MATT: Okay. So you're going to maneuver through Veth to get on that end?

TRAVIS: Uh-huh.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: I'm just going to double check this. My dexterity is balls. It just sucks.

TALIESIN: Athletics if you want to try a different stat--

TRAVIS: Athletics for a different--

TALIESIN: Strength contest versus dex.

MATT: Depends on what you're trying to do, buddy.

TRAVIS: If I wanted to shove her off of the ship, off the side, would that be strength or athletics?

MATT: That would be your, I'd say for this, it would be your athletics.

TRAVIS: All right. I'm going to try and shove her off of the ship.

MATT: You got it. Okay.

TRAVIS: Because either way, it's the same as trying to grab it.

MATT: Go ahead and make your athletics check.

TRAVIS: I don't have advantage on this, right?


TRAVIS: No. Just thought I'd check.



MATT: 11. This would be 22. So as you attempted to shove into her with your shoulder to push her off the side, she, like, puts her hand on the side and judo spins you out of the way. And you find yourself almost about to topple off the ship yourself with the momentum. And she's preparing to go ahead and kick the back of your chest and put you over, and you catch it and maneuver back into space you were, and you both are back in this standoff.

TRAVIS: Wow, wow, wow, wow. That was terrible.

MATT: Once again, it's a game of chance. With a good roll, that would've really fucked her up.

TRAVIS: You're totally right.

MATT: I love it, I love the risk.

TRAVIS: Bonus action, bonus action, bonus action. There's just not much to do. I think that's the rest of my-- I'll-- I will use the rest of my movement to put myself back in a flanking position with Beau on the opposite side of her. Nope. I'm going to stay there.

MATT: You're going to stay there?

TRAVIS: I'm going to stay there. Yeah. Just in case she tries to fucking pull me into the sea.

MATT: All right, Yasha, you're up.

ASHLEY: Okay. I'm still fighting this thing. So is Jester's spiritual weapon still there?

LAURA: It is.

ASHLEY: Or that's-- Yeah? Okay, so. Is there some way I can try to take a shot, but also pull them into her spiritual weapon?

MATT: You mean. I would allow you to, if you wanted to, attempt to pull it into spiritual weapon instead of your attack, it would take the spiritual weapon damage.

ASHLEY: What's your spiritual weapon damage?

LAURA: It's probably not as good as your attack. It's 2d8 plus five.

ASHLEY: That's pretty good. Okay. I'll take a first hit.

MATT: Go for it. First swing on it.

MARISHA: Take it, take it.

SAM: ♪ Take that first tip. ♪


MATT: 23 hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

ASHLEY: Savage Attacker. Plus eight. Much better.

TRAVIS: I didn't take any swings on her.

SAM: Has anyone attacked Avantika?

TRAVIS: Beau did.

ASHLEY: 31 points of damage for the first hit.

MATT: 31. Nice! Second strike carves through. You watch now as you chop one of its giant pincer arms off and it hits the ground is bleeding out on that side. It's looking pretty hurt. It's still clutching with its other claw and its tentacles. whipping against it and trying to clutter past your armor to get to your flesh and it's really gross.

ASHLEY: Okay. I'm going to take another hit.



MATT: 20 hits.

MARISHA: What if we do a little, like, shake and bake top of next turn? Like, either I give you advantage or vice versa by assisting.

ASHLEY: 12 damage points of damage.

MATT: 12 points of damage?


MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: She's going to get a turn before then.

MATT: You carve a second slash into it. One of its legs collapses underneath. It is limping. It is barely holding on. It is on the cusp of death, but it's holding on with whatever strength it has left. Some sort of unworldly influence has brought these here and have given it a stronger will than the need to survive.

ASHLEY: Okay. So then with my bonus action, and since I haven't moved, can I try to drag him into the spiritual weapon?

MATT: It would be an action to do that, unfortunately--

ASHLEY: It will be an action to do that. Okay.

MATT: But you've done a shitton of damage to this creature, you have a single handedly brought it from a fairly hefty sack of hit points to almost none in a round and a half.


TRAVIS: That's a big pain in the ass.

ASHLEY: That's all I can do. That's all I can do!

MATT: All right. It's Avantika's turn. She starts her round in both of your ranges.

TALIESIN: Yep, let's roll our damage.

MATT: Against you, Jester, that is a 20. So succeeds and against-- Same roll. 20 from both of you. So half damage from both of your spiritual guardians.

MARISHA: How is she dead and awesome?

LAURA: 28, so 14 damage from me.

LIAM: She's French.


MATT: Halved to nine.

TRAVIS: We don't know if she's undead or resurrected.

LIAM: Is she dead, or is she Jamedi Cosko dead?

SAM: What if she was always dead?

MATT: The cold energy that's on her torso, shatters and evaporates. She's taken enough damage to now disengage the Armor of Agathys that protects her.

LAURA: Great.

MATT: After she weathers the blows of celestial anger and destruction from both of your sources of divinity, whether real or illusion.

LIAM: Helium balloons.

LAURA: Mine are real, okay? Mine are super fucking real.

MATT: I'm going to go ahead and-- It is in her space, which means for free, she can grab it. So she grabs the orb and puts it in her pocket, like in a little side pouch right there. She has it. And she's looking at you on this moment where it seems like the time slows as she's calculating in her brain.

LIAM: Beauregard.

MATT: And she's going to go ahead and sidestep around Fjord.

MARISHA: I'm watching her.

MATT: Over here and back over here.

MARISHA: She's not leaving my range.

TALIESIN: Two attacks of opportunity.

SAM: No.

MARISHA: Has she left my range?

SAM: She hasn't left his range.

TRAVIS: She left Beau's.

MATT: From both Veth-- which, actually, she can, as a bonus action, disengage. So she will, which ignores your attack of opportunity.

MARISHA: But me.

LIAM: Sentinel does not--

MATT: But Sentinel, I believe--

MARISHA: Ignores disengage.

MATT: I believe so. So go for it. Make a strike.

LAURA: C'mon, Beau!

LIAM: Punch her in the skull.

MARISHA: Oh jeez louise! Oh my god!

TRAVIS: ♪ Let the sun shine! ♪

LIAM: I believe.

TRAVIS: ♪ Let ♪

MARISHA: Ooh, it's not good! 15.

MATT: 15 misses. (groaning)

MARISHA: I rolled real bad.

MATT: So in a blur, you swing with the staff and meet nothing but cold air. And then you see this dart as shadow shifts around and within an instant, you feel the presence of Avantika behind you. Now she's there, her eyes flash with a yellowish, a familiar yellowish power.

LIAM: Oh shit. She goes, "It's a pleasure to see you all again. It's a shame it has to end so soon." As she stomps her foot on the ground, she's going to cast Thunderwave at level five.

MARISHA: Wait, what who?

LIAM: Thunderwaving you. Whoa.

TALIESIN: How much of her movement did she just use in being in rough terrain, by the way?

MATT: 10.

SAM: Oh boy. She's going to knock us all overboard.

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Counterspell.

MARISHA: Yeah, do--

SAM: Oh!

LIAM: I'm a dinosaur. Oh, you are not a dinosaur!

TRAVIS: I'm not.

LIAM: Yes!

TRAVIS: It's my last 5th-level.

MATT: Go ahead and roll a d20 and add your spellcasting modifier to it.

LIAM: At 5th-level. He's still got to roll? She wasn't fucking around.

TRAVIS: Where's my spell casting modifier? Is that my--?

MATT: It's your charisma.

TRAVIS: That's was my charisma, that's okay, so just plus five.

LIAM: I don't know how warlocks work.


MATT: Natural one.

ALL: No!

LAURA: Why do the dice hate us tonight?!

LIAM: That was Sentinel punch and the Counterspell!

MARISHA: I rolled a three.

LAURA: The dice really like Avantika.

LIAM: Yeah. Wah wah wah wah wah.

MATT: Okay. I need--

LIAM: Oh man.

MATT: I need Beauregard, Fjord, and Veth to all make constitution saving throw us for me, please.

LIAM: This is the best. I'm so glad you rolled a one.

MARISHA: All right. Well, I wish that would have happened sooner.

TRAVIS: New dice. No, I'm going to give you a chance for redemption. 18.

SAM: Ooh.

TRAVIS: Constitution saving throw?

MATT: Correct.


MATT: 18.


SAM: Oh! I also rolled well. 16.

MATT: 16... 16 does not succeed.

SAM: Damn! I'm going to go over.

MATT: But the other ones do. 32 points of thunder damage to you.

SAM: Sure.

MATT: Both of you take 16 points of thunder damage. Veth is thrown overboard.

LIAM: Whoa.

SAM: Area. Wait. Can I take--?

TALIESIN: You have Water Walk.

LAURA: Yeah!

SAM: Can I take-- not Uncanny Dodge, what was the other one? Evasion?

MATT: You didn't succeed on your save, though.

SAM: Totally right.

MATT: And it wasn't a dexterity.

MARISHA: I did, though.

LIAM: Evasion is just dex.

MARISHA: Evasion, I always forget I have that as a monk.

MATT: It's not a dex save, though.

MARISHA: It's not a dex save. I'll take that damage happily.

MATT: There you go. You plummet off and begin to fall. You do have your ring of water walking.

TALIESIN: Everyone still has Water Walk cast on them.

MATT: So you fall 20 feet and impact hard on the water below. To take nine points of bludgeoning damage, hitting the icy surface of the ocean below.

LIAM: Bellyflop damage.


SAM: Am I prone or on my feet?

TRAVIS: There was no reason we should have had temporary hit points, right?

MARISHA: We did have temporary hit points from having tea with Vess DeRogna, I believe.

SAM: That was days ago.

MATT: That was a long time ago.

MARISHA: But don't they stay until you use them?

MATT: Until your next long rest.

SAM: Matthew, am I prone or standing?

MATT: You are standing. I'll say. 20 feet you land. You know what? Make an acrobatics check for me to see if you can land on your feet.

SAM: Check?

MATT: Yeah. Acrobatics.

SAM: Oh, I get Reliable Talent.

MATT: Yeah, so you're fine.

SAM: 20.

MATT: Yeah. You're on your feet. You're fine. That'll be a Avantika's action on that. Cast that spell there.

TRAVIS: Does Thunderwave count as an attack roll? It doesn't, right?

SAM: Sure.

MATT: It does-- Thunderwave? No, it is not an attack roll.


MATT: Okay. So that finishes Avantika's turn. Now this creature here is going to appear behind--

TRAVIS: I'm sorry, real quick, where did Avantika go?

MATT: She's behind you. Right there.

LIAM: She's between you and the ballista.


MATT: Correct.

TALIESIN: That creature has entered both of our-- had started its turn in both of our fields and has half speed.

MATT: Indeed. It barely moved, but it does take two saves from both of you. So go ahead and roll damage.

LAURA: Roll damage?

MATT: Fail on both. So full damage from both of you for your spiritual guardians.



LAURA: 26.

MATT: That fell. 22?

TALIESIN: 22 radiant.

MARISHA: So she's still base to base with you, Fjord?

LAURA: 26.

MATT: 26, oof! That thing's looking hurt! It rushes in and gets blasted with both of these waves of energy and is like (gurgling). Angry. It's going to go ahead and take two swipes at you, Jester, and then one at you, Caduceus. That is 17.

LAURA: Ooh, it misses!

MATT: Misses! 19.

LAURA: 19.

MATT: You suffer 14 points of slashing damage, and then go ahead and make a constitution saving throw to maintain concentration. And then a strike against you. That is going to be 20.


MATT: You take-- Ooh. That is going to be 16 points of slashing damage against you, and also make constitution saving throw.

LAURA: 14 constitution save?

MATT: You're fine.

LAURA: Okay.

TALIESIN: Constitution saving throw?

MATT: Yep.

TALIESIN: Oof. Nope, that's a five.

MATT: Five? You lose concentration--

TALIESIN: Oh, wait! I have advantage on those rolls!

MATT: You do you if you have War Caster.


MATT: So roll again.

TALIESIN: Aha! 17!

MATT: 17, that succeeds.

TALIESIN: Yay! Never mind.

MATT: And then it teleports beyond the range, back to where it started over here. Freaking out that one crew member over there who was back to the wall. (yells)

LAURA: I have War Caster!


MATT: Yeah, that's how you have advantage on these each time.

LAURA: Oh. I haven't been rolling with advantage.

MATT: Well, you should be doing that from now on.

MARISHA: Best part of War Caster, dude. Hell yeah.

MATT: That finishes its go, and now the two creatures are going to go. The one that's barely limping along is going to go ahead and attempt to crush you, Yasha, within its claws. Natural one, no issue. That is a 16 to hit.

ASHLEY: It does not hit.

MATT: It does not hit. It is trying to crush you, but it just has no strength left in its body. It's so close to death's door as it's squeezing and squeezing you, you're just shaking your head how pitiful this creature is. This guy over here, he's going to go ahead and take the same damage that you guys just dealt, which would be... 22 and 26.



MATT: Succeeds, so this guy--

LAURA: Is 13.

MATT: Is 13. And... Fails. 26.

LAURA: Wait, does that mean I can use my reaction against the frog guy? Did he already die?

MATT: No, he's not died, he teleported away.

LAURA: Oh. Could I have used my reaction when he hit me?


LAURA: To attack him, since I-- with a spell, since that's War Caster.

MATT: He didn't move out of your range, he teleported, which is different from moving out of your range.

LAURA: But it's not if somebody moves out of my range, it's if somebody attacks me.

MATT: Oh, for War Caster?

LAURA: Isn't it?

MATT: I thought was--

LAURA: No, it's to use a reaction to spell them--

MATT: Yeah. For War Caster, it's if somebody is moving out of your melee range, where normally you'd get an attack of opportunity, you can cast a spell as a reaction to them.

LAURA: I understand. Okay, okay, okay, okay.

MATT: No worries, but this guy just teleports as part of his.

LAURA: An opportunity attack.

LIAM: It's great because it lets you cast an entirely additional spell in a around.

MATT: Exactly.

LAURA: That's killer.

MATT: Really good.

LAURA: Okay, okay.

MATT: All right. So this guy, after taking a lot of damage, is going to go ahead and shift into range here, angry and furious that he's just being hurt.

TALIESIN: Half-speed as well.

MATT: I know. He only had to move 10 feet. No, it's all good, man. I need my Clippy. It's good. I got too much concentrate on as a DM. You guys got to remind me what your spells do.

LIAM: Was that crab creature within 10 feet of my ass? Now, I'm not where I am on the map. I was between the steps.

MATT: For this, at this point, no, because he moved past him and went up to where you were.

MARISHA: I love the sentences that D&D breeds.

TALIESIN: It's so amazing. No one has ever said that before.

LIAM: I had asked to get between the stairs to look down. You put me up there just because of the balance.

MATT: You know what? I would say, yes. It's within range.

LIAM: Then I'm going to tail that motherfucker--

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: Bless you.

LIAM: That is a 29 to hit.

MATT: That's definitely hits. Go ahead and roll damage with your tyrannosaurus tail.

LIAM: (gurgling) 17 points of bludgeoning damage for him.

MATT: 17 points of bludgeoning damage. Ooh, he's looking rough. He's angrily going to go in there and strike at both, his two claw strikes one against each of you as he's trying to grab both of you who are holding onto these blasting, horribly painful radiuses of celestial anger. They're just bearing down on it and everything in the vicinity. Against Caduceus, that is going to be a 22 to hit.

TALIESIN: Goddamn it.

MATT: And against Jester, that is going to be 21 to hit.

LAURA: (scoffs unhappily)

MATT: So. Ooh, max damage on that one. That is 16 points of bludgeoning damage to you, Caduceus. And 14 points of bludgeoning damage to you, Jester, and you are both grappled.


LAURA: Nice.

MATT: And we will say the tentacles begin to wrap out of it. Caduceus, go ahead and make a constitution saving for me, please.

LIAM: Uh oh.

TALIESIN: It's better than last time.

SAM: Hey, it's the Olympics again!


MATT: 11, you are poisoned and paralyzed.

SAM: Who's poisoned and paralyzed?

LAURA: Caduceus!

SAM: Oh no, he's going to get a new one, a new player character. Oh god!

MATT: So you feel the tentacles begin to affix to elements of your armor and squeeze past. As it hits you, your entire musculature begins to pulse and tighten. Your eyeballs begin to bulge and you feel like they're about to pop out of your head and you're locked up. Your entire body is locked in place. And all you can hear now is that (pulsing) throughout your entire body. That finishes its turn. Veth, you're up. Caleb, you're on deck.

LIAM: Yeah, Travis, could your origin story leave us alone?

SAM: I will use my movement to try to climb back up onto the ship.

MATT: It is a 20-foot climb to get to the top because it is a large icebreaker ship. I'll say 15 feet, actually. You're at half movement to climb. Go ahead and roll an athletics check, because it is icy and it is slick.

SAM: Athletics?

MATT: Yes.

SAM: 15.

MATT: 15, that'll do it. So with half of your movement, which would be 15 feet, that'll get you just up onto the deck, but that's the end of your movement there.

SAM: Okay. Actually, can I pause before I get to the lip of the-- of the whatever it's called.

MATT: Sure.

SAM: The edge? The deck?

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: And I would-- So I'm just peeking over the deck.

MATT: You're peeking over.

SAM: Peeking over the deck. I mean, she doesn't see me--

MATT: Correct.

SAM: -- but do I need-- I should try to hide.

MATT: I would say yes.

SAM: I will, bonus action, attempt to hide.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: 29.

MATT: 29, that definitely feels pretty stealthy.

SAM: And then who has the football right now?

LAURA: She's got it on her side, hip pocket.

SAM: It's in her pocket.

MATT: It seems to be the moment, yeah. Is Fjord holding his falchion? No.

TRAVIS: Star Razor, yes.

MATT: It's not the falchion. Star Razor is in his hand, yeah.

SAM: Okay. I will, from my hiding position, I'll cast Phantasmal whatever on her.

MATT: Phantasmal whatever?

SAM: Phantasmal Force.

MATT: Okay. What's the save on that?

SAM: It is just a DC intelligence 16, but at disadvantage because I'm hidden.

MATT: Intelligence. She rolled really well on that first one, but it's at disadvantage. That is a 17 total.

SAM: Damn it!

MATT: Rolled a 19 and a 16. I'm sorry. She only has a plus one on it.

SAM: Damn it.

MATT: That's a good try, though.

LAURA: What is that? A charisma or?

SAM: It's intelligence 16. Damn it.

MATT: It was a good choice, but no effect, unfortunately.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: That finish your turn? All right. Caleb, you're up. Jester, you're on deck.

LIAM: Okay. I'm going to say that I use all of or a lot of my movement to get actually where the miniature is, because he was between the steps, but I'm just going to, like, crush stairs and heave myself up there--

MATT: To get to where? Up on--

LIAM: To where he is, you don't even have to move him because where he actually is, is between the stairs on the lower deck We just put him there for balance, but now he is right where he is. I climbed up. Actually, let's circle him a bit. Make your life easier. Yeah, right there.

MATT: There you go, look at that, look at that.

LIAM: Then I'm going to eat him for a snack.

MATT: Go for it. (laughs)

LIAM: That is an 18 to hit.

MATT: That indeed does hit!

LIAM: He is grappled in my mouth.

MATT: Oh god, that's terrifying.

LIAM: He takes.

MATT: Imagine how terrifying it would be to be a creature of the sea to suddenly to, One: Learn what a T-rex is, and then have it bite you and hold you in its mouth.

LIAM: 28 points of piercing damage and he is grappled in my mouth.

MATT: He is grappled. He cannot move, and he is stuck there in your jaws. We'll say, for the purposes of this, I have another one here and just go.

LIAM: Ahh!


MATT: (yelling) (yells) Perfect.

TALIESIN: This is both threatening and unbelievably silly at the same time.

MATT: It's the best kind.

ASHLEY: I love it so much.

LIAM: I would like to think that the entire ship has went (creaking) in the water.

MATT: It's a pretty big ship. It's pretty big ship, I'll say it's a slight tilt. Okay, that finishes your go?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: All right. Jester, you're up. Caduceus, you're on deck.

LAURA: I'm going to use my bonus action to attack the lobster that's fighting Yasha.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: Get it.

LAURA: 26!

MATT: 26, that definitely hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

LAURA: 16 points.

MATT: 16 points.

LAURA: Of serrated lollipop damage!

MATT: As the lollipop swings over in a wide buzzsaw arc, hits the-- You see sparks flying off as it hits the outside of the shell. Then, like cutting through chain, it goes through and its body just folds in two halves. In this wet smack sound.

LIAM: That was candy chips.

MATT: You watch as the gore splatters and immediately begins to crystallize into ice. It is destroyed and Yasha is no longer grappled.


SAM: Freedom.

MATT: All righty.

LAURA: Can I move?

MATT: That's your bonus action.

LAURA: Yes, can I use the rest of the spiritual weapon movement to move it? Or does it have to--?

MATT: It's usually move 20 feet and then attack. I'll let you move it. Sure, why not.

LAURA: Move 20 feet towards us.

MARISHA: She's in between Fjord and the ballista.

LAURA: It's basically a T-rex. It just won't hold still.

MATT: It just won't hold still. That's fine.

LAURA: And then I'm going to go super-- This is probably not going to work, but I'm going to give it a try.

MATT: What you doing?

LAURA: I'm going to try to...

SAM: Commune.

LAURA: Dominate Person.


LAURA: Avantika.

MATT: Avantika... is going to cast Counterspell.

LAURA: Okay. I cast it at 6th-level.

MATT: You have to say before.

LAURA: I only-- it's a 5th-level spell. I'm out of 5th-levels. So I only could cast it at 6th-level. I didn't know that, you know what I mean?

MATT: That's fine. She casts everything at 5th-level. So she does still have to roll for it. Natural 18 plus four. Unfortunately. It was a good shot, but unfortunately she does.

LAURA: I knew it was a high risk, but I thought it could be cool if it worked.

SAM: Yes, it would've been very cool.

ASHLEY: It was a cool idea.

SAM: It would also be very cool if any of my shit worked all night.

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Any of us!

MATT: Yeah. Yeah. It's been a little tough.

MARISHA: Bad rolls, bad rolls.

LAURA: I'm still grappled. Cool.

MATT: Yeah.

MATT: Okay, does that finish your go?

LAURA: Yeah, that's all I got.

MATT: Sorry. All right, Caduceus, you're up.

TALIESIN: I am paralyzed, so I'm just... I can't really do anything, can I? I have no roll against this?

MATT: No, at the end of your turn, you can make another constitution saving throw.

TALIESIN: Oh, okay, well, I'll make another constitution saving throw.

MATT: Indeed.

SAM: You can go to your mind palace.

TALIESIN: Come on. Oh! 20.

MATT: 20, you are no longer poisoned and paralyzed.

SAM: Oh, whoa.

MATT: But you are still grappled.

LIAM: Clean living.


MATT: What you did there was prevent auto-crits against you from the creature.

TALIESIN: Yes. And my ring is still up, so that's nice.

MATT: Yep. Actually, interesting point of order. Let me see here.

TALIESIN: It doesn't break concentration.

MATT: Yeah, I'm pretty sure it doesn't.

TALIESIN: It doesn't. I looked it up.

MATT: You did? All right, then, I trust you.

LIAM: I remember at the end of the last game, I was like: Come on, why aren't we doing this now?

TALIESIN: I'm going to check. Now you're freaking me out.

LIAM: Four hours.

MATT: Yeah. Battle at this level with this many players, it's going to take a chunk of time. Especially any worthwhile battle. All right, so that finishes your go, Caduceus.

TALIESIN: Yep. No, I'm good.

MATT: This person's going to go ahead and attempt to situate this ballista with their action. This guy over here is going to-- now that one is-- now that he can see and the fog is gone, he's going to go ahead and rotate it, and attempt to point blank fire at the creature right here. So he's actually probably going to move along with the back of it. He's going to swing over the edge, grab the edge of the ballista and kick off, and off the edge of the ship, to turn the opposite side and then as he aims it up, fire towards the creature that has both of our clerics grappled.

LIAM: Good job, Ted.

MATT: That is going to be a... It just hits with a 16.

LAURA: Yes! Save us, Ted!

MATT: With that, this does... All right, so that is 4d10 piercing damage. 18 points of piercing damage against it. Plus 8d6 lightning damage.

TRAVIS: Ooh, those fucking ballistas are no joke.

MATT: I'm just not going to roll. As he fires in an upward angle, it shoots into its torso, and the creature gets lifted at almost the exact same speed, thrust upward off the deck and almost beans you in the face. As it swings past, an arc of energy trailing behind it, as it vanishes into the storm, no longer able to be stable. Both of you are un-grappled. (cheering)

LAURA: I'm glad it let go of us as it was going away.

TALIESIN: Before it flew.

MATT: All righty. That finishes... the crew's go. It is now the mage's turn, who is... is not doing well in the mouth of that. It's going to go ahead and... It's going to emit a psychic screech--

LIAM: Oh dear.

MATT: -- as its action and (screeching), just gives this high pitched, horrible sound that billows in a 30-foot radius, which will only affect you and the captain. I need you to make a wisdom saving throw.

LIAM: That should go well. Nope. That's a five.

MATT: Yeah, and the captain fails, too. He falls to his knees, clutching his head. You are both stunned.

LIAM: (groaning) Is he still in my mouth?

MATT: I will say--

LIAM: He didn't try to get out.

MATT: He didn't try to get out yet.

LIAM: It's just like the crab people. They were--

MARISHA: Yes, exactly. They kept me held on.

LAURA: "Is it still in my mouth?" (laughing)

MATT: So until the end of its next turn, you are stunned.

LIAM: Yes.

MATT: Which means it'll make it easier for it to escape next turn.

LAURA: I was thinking about--

MATT: So, that finishes its go.

LAURA: -- the T-Rex trying to cover his ears with his teeny T-rex arms.

MATT: Beauregard.


MATT: Beauregard. You're up.

MARISHA: Okay, I was being a T-Rex. I'm sorry.

TALIESIN: Haven't we all.

MARISHA: Where am I? Here I am.

MATT: You're right there.

MARISHA: Where's Avantika?

MATT: Right there.

MARISHA: She's holding a thing. She's still holding it, yeah?

MATT: She put into her a little side pouch pocket.

MARISHA: She put it into her pocket. And I'm going to just go over and beat her ass, at this point.

MATT: All right, go for it.

ASHLEY: Beat her ass!

LAURA: Yes, finally.

MATT: So you dart over to close off that side of the ship deck.

MARISHA: I just look at her and I'm like: No. And then I punch her.

MATT: (laughs) "No."

MARISHA: Twice, no.

MATT: Go for it.

MARISHA: Oh, jeez. All right, all right. Okay. That one is 28 to hit.

MATT: 28 hits.

MARISHA: And that one is... Hang on, wait. 20-- yeah, that was 28, and that is 19?

MATT: 19 misses.

MARISHA: 19 misses, which sucks. But I hit her with that first one.

LIAM: Good.

TRAVIS: 19 misses.


LAURA: 20 misses.

MARISHA: That's an eight. That's good. Okay, okay. 18 damage, Stunning Strike.

MATT: 18 damage, Stunning Strike?

LIAM: Super, fantastique.

MATT: That is going to be a 18.

MARISHA: Yeah, she saves.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: Okay. Okay, what else can I do, what else can I do? Flurry of Blows.

MATT: All right, go for it.

MARISHA: I wish there was something more I could do. Yikes. Definitely one of those misses, but the other one is a 19 for 31?

MATT: That definitely hits.

LAURA: Jeez louise.

MARISHA: And that's 17 damage.

MATT: 17 damage, awesome.

SAM: Come on, Yasha, batter up. Aren't you like--

MATT: Extract Aspects?

SAM: 90 feet away from the action?

MATT: Right?

MARISHA: Oh. Yeah, Extract Aspects. I forgot.

MATT: Your subclass. One of the...

MARISHA: Yeah. Well, I did it on the lobsters.

MATT: That's true.

MARISHA: Yeah, let's do it on Avantika.

LIAM: It's busy deck.

MATT: It's a busy deck. So as you go in and swing a few times, get a couple of hits in, with that final blow, you manage to concentrate on the energetic flow that keeps Avantika standing, the essence of her body, and as you take a moment to get in tune with that, you sense that she is resistant to necrotic damage.


MATT: She is immune to being charmed, frightened, poisoned, and stunned.

SAM: Ooh.

LIAM: Oh. She's your nemesis.


TRAVIS: She can't be charmed, frightened, or stunned, and--

MATT: And poisoned.

LAURA: She can't be charmed?

MATT: She can't be charmed.

LAURA: So that Dominate Person wouldn't have worked anyway?

MATT: Probably not, yeah.

MARISHA: Charmed, frightened, stunned, poisoned.


LIAM: Because she's a dead person.

MARISHA: Because she's dead, okay.

TRAVIS: Hell hath no fury.

MARISHA: Uh-huh.

TALIESIN: And immune to necrotic.

MARISHA: And immune to necrotic.

ASHLEY: Immune to necrotic. Okay.


SAM: But she's not immune to one thing. Boomerang! (laughter)

MATT: Nobody is, Sam. Nobody.

TALIESIN: I like the way you brought that back around.

MATT: So Beau, that finishes your turn?

MARISHA: Yeah, and I shout everything out to the group.

MATT: Okay, so as Beauregard is pulling back and giving this instruction, we go to Fjord's turn, with Yasha on deck.


LIAM: Charge.


TRAVIS: For my bonus action, I'm going to cast Searing Smite at 1st-level, and I'm going to take two swings with the Star Razor at Avantika.

MATT: Go for it.

TRAVIS: Oof oof oof. Motherfucker. That is a 19.

MATT: 19 misses.

TRAVIS: Second one. Nope.

MATT: You try and swing, and she deflects and parries with her offhand dagger, this horrible, hooked black metal dagger, the rapier's just at the ready, preparing for her next round. Just (metal clanging).

TRAVIS: Yep, yep, yep, yep-yep, yep, yep.

MATT: All right. Fjord, staying put, or are you going to move?

TRAVIS: Staying put.

MATT: All right, finishes Fjord's go. Yasha, you're up.

ASHLEY: Okay. Okay. So these, these, these, these bal-- these things, these weapons, ballistas.

MATT: Yes.

ASHLEY: Can anybody use them?

MATT: Yeah. It takes an-- You gather it takes an action to load it and then an action to fire. So it does a lot of damage, but it takes either a two-person team to do it every round, or one person once every two rounds.

ASHLEY: That feels like a lot of work. Okay. I'm going to start making my way down--

SAM and MARISHA: ♪ (opening notes of "A Thousand Miles") ♪

ASHLEY: -- to Miss Avantika.

MATT: 40'll get you right there.


LAURA: I love us. (laughter)

MARISHA: Just made of inside jokes.

ASHLEY: Okay, I'm going to take an attack.

SAM: The same three inside jokes over and over again.

MATT: Go for it. You got your strikes on this.

LIAM: It's 10% gravitas and 90% bullshit.

ASHLEY: Goddamn it. 18 for the first hit. So that obviously doesn't hit.

TALIESIN: Oh, wait are you--

MATT: 18 does not hit.

TALIESIN: Is she... You're a... Buh dih buh dah.

LAURA: What?

TALIESIN: When someone's on the other side of you.

LAURA: Flanked?

TALIESIN: Flanked.

MATT: She is not flanking, because in order to get into melee with Avantika, she's coming at catty-corner position.

TALIESIN: Okay. Darn.

ASHLEY: Okay, let's do it again. Oh, oh. 28.

MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage. This is full damage because it's your first time hitting in the round.

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay. Savage Attacker. Much better. 30 points of damage.

MATT: Ooh! The first, as you rush down the stairs, getting your blade in this one upward arc, it's a bit telegraphed, and as you rush down, Avantika sidesteps to the side and it slams into the ground. In that moment, you use that to pull upward at an angle. As you do, you strike her right in the side. She (grimaces).

ASHLEY: I have a question.

MATT: Yes?

ASHLEY: Because I'm using Magician's Judge, because I attuned to it--

MATT: Correct.

ASHLEY: It says if I hit a creature with this weapon, you can choose to cast Dispel Magic.

MATT: Correct.

ASHLEY: Can I try to Dispel Magic on the Cloven Crystal?

MATT: Unfortunately, Dispel Magic is to stop magical effects, like spells or, you know, things that are lasting attacks. You cannot dispel a magical item necessarily.

ASHLEY: Copy. Okay.

MATT: And since you're attacking her, it would have to be an effect that's affecting her.

ASHLEY: Copy, okay.

MATT: But good looking out, good looking out. That finish your turn?


MATT: All right. It is now Avantika's turn. Avantika is in both of your radiuses.

LIAM: Get ready to sentinel. Fucking dual clerics, man, I swear to god. Natural one on yours. And hold on, even with the bonus? Fail on both, full damage on both. That's some shitty rolls.

LAURA: 21.

MATT: 21 damage? All right.


MATT: Damn!

SAM: Whoa.

TALIESIN: Burn. Burn!

LAURA: 40!

MATT: After she takes the blow from Yasha's attack and the blade pulls away, a bit of dark gray liquid that was once blood that no longer flows and pumps through her body naturally. As she prepares herself, all the surrounding, swirling, celestial insects and hamster unicorns are blasting into her and you can see the skin burning away at certain points of her jaw and face. (snarling, panting) "I got what I came for." And she's going to use her last slot to cast Dimension Door.


LAURA: Oh no.

MATT: And you are T-Rex.

LIAM: I'm a T-Rex, I'm eating.

SAM: Damn it!

MARISHA: Wait, does that give an opportunity attack?


LIAM and MATT: Nope.

LAURA: You don't get an attack.

MATT: Unless anyone has the Mage Slayer feat.

SAM: Nope.

MATT: Then no.

LIAM: Well, Fjord, what are you doing?

TRAVIS: What do you mean?

TALIESIN: Do you not have a--

SAM: He already burned it.

TALIESIN: You burned your Counterspell?

LAURA: He already used his Counterspell.

TRAVIS: I only have, like, two spell slots.

ASHLEY: There's got to be something I can do! We can't grab her or anything?

MATT: You just see her look over the edge of the boat this way, and then bring her blade up to her face, and give a half bow to all of you, and then vanish in purple smoke.

LIAM: I love it.

ASHLEY: Can I try to throw one of those alchemical fire grenades in there?

MATT: Sure. You throw it overboard in her direction and it vanishes into the fog. But in that brief moment that you realize that she is gone, with the Cloven Crystal, we're going to take a break.


MATT: For the purposes of the narrative here, this guy has not a whole lot of hit points left. He's not a big chunk. The T-Rex can eat him next round.

LIAM: I eat him.

SAM: Wait! We're keeping someone alive?

MARISHA: Yeah, let's interrogate the lobster.

LAURA: They don't even speak, remember?

SAM: Oh, he's a lobster? Oh yeah.

MATT: Well yeah, this is the mage guy. But you are a T-Rex who is hungry.

LIAM: Yeah, I'm eating him, and you can't stop me from eating him. I'm eating him.

MATT: In the moment you hear the screams and crunching on the upper part of the deck, you all take a moment to realize what just happened, and you have a break to decide what you want to do as a reaction. We'll be back here in just a minute. We'll see you guys here shortly.


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I think we need to reincorporate ice giants and frost giants into the lore of the North Pole. I think it's just- Everyone knows that the North Pole is guarded by a family of frost giants, and originally before reindeer, Santa Claus' sled was pulled by yetis. Does not everybody know that? See, I want, I want that movie. I want to see like, they were like, "Oh, Santa and his elves, every single gift in the world. Think of all the eBay money we can make! We're just going to go ahead and do it. The greatest heist of Old St. Nick," and they get there and there's just this giant sitting there armored up going, "Mr. Claus didn't invite you." (imitates smashing) (upbeat music) (soft music)

Hey Critters, Laura Bailey here. Let's see what's up in the Critical Role Shop. The Traveler always says impulse purchases are a good decision. The cuteness, it's overpowering. Roll an investigation, if you want. It's basically perfect. Go ahead, darling. Treat yourself. Can you put donuts in this? I don't know, only one way to find out. So click on over to the Critical Role Shop. Don't worry, there's a few more minutes in the break. You've still got time.

(dramatic music)

I started with my kid gloves with our first story, and now that I know that we've all felt the true pain. Pretty hard. Matt going full throttle though, terrifies me. It should. That was tough, my god. Maybe the next person should be like super easy or something like that. No. Yeah. I hate this, I'm so glad we're done with this. (all laughing) We're not. I feel that, I feel that. We're coming back, Ashley. No! No! And guys, I've learned so much from all of you. No, Matthew! What does that mean?

(upbeat music)

(jazz music)

MARISHA: Hello, everyone. It's me, Marisha Ray, creative director for Critical Role content, and I want to take a moment to speak from the heart about how much we appreciate your support. No frills, no crazy gags. Just honesty. Over the past five years, we've made a lot of ridiculous promos in an attempt to earn your subscription here on Twitch. We've leaned on juvenile prop humor, cheap costumes, and putting our loyal employees in slightly embarrassing situations, eagerly hoping that we've captured your attention. Today, I am not resorting to edgelord jokes written by Brian W. Foster or dressing Sam as a celebrity to recreate an obscure commercial most people haven't seen to remind you that subscribing with a Twitch Prime account requires you to resubscribe each month. We don't always need an elaborate green screen gag or have to put Matt in cosplay to tell you that you can easily give subscriptions to fellow Critters if you're feeling generous. I mean, hell, I've consumed entire production days shooting complicated parody promos featuring Taliesin Jaffe is a vintage spooky boy in full monochromatic glory, all in the hope that your smile may turn into a sub, but not today. No weird graphics, no puppet murder. No Sam Reigel. It's just me, here to say thank you. Love you all. Good night. (jazz music)

Part II[]

MATT: And welcome back. So, where we left off, in the middle of this unexpected, chaotic battle on the top of the Midnight Hammer icebreaker ship in the Frigid Depths, north of the Greying Wildlands, you were all unexpectedly ambushed by Captain Avantika, back from the grave. Now currently even further empowered and focused by her patron, Uk'otoa, long abandoned by Fjord Stone, and seeking the final orb that would unlock, unseal, and release Uk'otoa from his prison. In the middle of this battle, you tore through the various crawling chuul creatures that were coming your way from the ocean below, the crustaceans. You turned into a T-Rex and swallowed the mage companion to Avantika, the demonic creature, the strange frog individual that was tethered in some way to Avantika, called through, seems to have vanished with some of the damage that she had taken recently, no longer held in this domain by her concentration. But she did manage to grab the orb, and with a small bow, vanished from sight, facing in a somewhat west, southwest direction from where the ship is currently heading. What would you like to do?

SAM: Oh my god.

LAURA: What do we do? What do we do?

SAM: What happened?

TALIESIN: Going for it.

SAM: This is crazy.

TALIESIN: Don't let her get away.

SAM: What do we do?

MATT: What are you doing?

MARISHA: We very much lost.

TALIESIN: I am throwing Divine Intervention.

SAM: Does anyone need healing or anything?

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: In pain.

TALIESIN: I did not succeed.

LAURA: I'm going to Divine Intervention, too.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Yeah, man. We only got two of these. They're worth a shot.

SAM: I'm also going to Divine Intervention.

LAURA: Two-- okay.

SAM: I found Jesus.

LAURA: What am I trying to roll? Below my--

MATT: Your level or below, so 13 or under. So declare one is as the digit, the tens.

LAURA: I've got the doubles and the single

MATT: You got it. Go for it.

LIAM: Come on.


MATT: No. Unfortunately, your entities cannot reach you in the midst of this chaos.

TRAVIS: Neither worked.


LAURA: Are we going after her?

MATT: The force and influence of Uk'otoa--

TRAVIS: Can anyone make us dolphins or something?

TALIESIN: I'm going to quickly heal everybody, just with a quick action.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: I'm going to, yeah, hit everyone with a Mass Cure Wounds.

LAURA: Who's going after her?

MARISHA: Maybe--

TRAVIS: I would like to go.

MARISHA: I would like to go, but maybe I can run along the surface and chase you guys.


SAM: Hey, that's great.

LAURA: Okay.

LIAM: Okay.

LAURA: Yasha?

ASHLEY: Yeah, I could do it. I could also try to run? I don't have cold damage. I mean, I don't have cold resistance. Does that matter?

LAURA: I don't know.

MATT: Well, does anyone here have Water Walk?


MATT: Okay, that's right. How long does that last?

LAURA: It lasts for an hour, doesn't it?

TALIESIN: Longer, I think, hold on.

MATT: Just double-check.

SAM: When did you cast it?

LAURA: At the beginning of the fight.

MARISHA: Top of the fight.

LIAM: Oh, you're all water skiing.


TALIESIN: One hour, you're right,

LIAM: Rogues water skiing.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: I'm down to water ski a killer whale.

TALIESIN: We've got Water Walk.

LAURA: Can you drop it on some people?

TALIESIN: Everyone's got it. I cast it at the beginning of this-

LAURA: No, I mean, if we polymorph into sea creatures, will we just be sea creatures stuck on top of the water?

MATT: (thumping)

TALIESIN: I think you can just disengage it at will.

MARISHA: Just jet skiing off a killer whale?

LAURA: If you disengage some people does it disengage everybody?

TALIESIN: Yeah, because it's not a concentration spell. I think you can just decide that it's over.

MATT: I will say you can decide to end it on a person who it's currently on, on an individual basis.

TRAVIS: Yeah, the Hexblade's Curse doesn't provide a Hunter's Mark capability.

MATT: No, it does not.

TRAVIS: Not like that.

LAURA: All right. I'm going to Polymorph a couple people.

LIAM: So are we going different directions? We're going the way she left? I was a dinosaur, what happened?

LAURA: I think we just--

TRAVIS: Yeah, we should--

LAURA: Jesus. 100 feet.

TRAVIS: I'm with you, if she was pointing one direction, we should all three take that direction, make a variance of, like, 15 to 20 degrees off of that center line and just go like that.

MARISHA: And then go that way. Yes.

LAURA: All right, let's go.

LIAM: Okay, so who are the killer whales? You and me?

LAURA: I'm not being a whale; I'm going to ride a whale.

TRAVIS: I'll be one.

LAURA: Whale.

LIAM: Whale.

ASHLEY: I'll be a whale, I'll be a whale, I'll be a whale!

LAURA: All right, I'm going to use my Ring of Spell Splitting, and I'm going to cast Polymorph on both Yasha and Fjord, and turn them both into killer whales. As we leap off the ship.

ASHLEY: Yeah, I'd like to jump off.

MATT: Both you and Fjord look at each other, nod, and then go into a sprint and then dive off the edge of the ship.

LAURA: And as they dive, I'm going to cast it out.

MATT: In mid-arc, they both balloon out into massive, black and white orcas before crashing into the icy waters below, of which orcas are quite familiar with. You aren't affected by the cold temperatures of the ocean below you.

LIAM: I grab a rope and shove it in my mouth and I run to the side and turn into an orange and white killer whale, like a Fanta mascot, and go (splashes).

LAURA: I'm going to grab one of the ropes as he jumps and I'm going to jump in after him.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: I run and I grab one of the ropes from the rigging and I throw it around Yasha as she transforms.

TALIESIN: I guess we're doing this.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: We're going after her! Yep.

MATT: Okay, so who's--

SAM: Where are we going?

LIAM: Three directions.

MATT: So we have two of the killer whales currently have ropes in their mouth. Who is affixed to which killer whale?

LAURA: I said I was affixed to the Caleb whale.

MARISHA: I'm affixed to the Yasha whale.

TALIESIN: I'll be affixed to-- who else is a whale? You're a whale? Fjord, I'm with you.


SAM: I mean, just gaming this out here. If you're attached to, like, a 30-foot rope or something.

MARISHA: Uh-huh.

SAM: What if the whale needs to dive?

MARISHA: We'll figure that out.

LIAM: Figure that out when we get to it.

SAM: Let go and hope we can get back?

LAURA: We can all breathe water.

LAURA: Drop it.

TRAVIS: We can all breathe underwater.

LIAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: Veth, get on my back.

SAM: I don't want to go out there!

MARISHA: I grab Veth as I fly over the edge.

SAM: (shouting) (laughter)

MATT: Okay, so Veth is going with Beauregard, who is currently holding onto the Yasha.

SAM: But it's cold!

SAM: I don't want to go!

MATT: Jester, you're going with?

LAURA: I grabbed the Caleb rope.

MATT: The Caleb rope. All right. And Caduceus, who are you going with?

TALIESIN: I'm on the Fjord rope.

MATT: Fjord didn't have a rope.

LAURA: No, he did not grab a rope.

MATT: He did not grab a rope.

SAM: Go back and get a rope!

TALIESIN: I'm grabbing on with Jester, then.

MATT: All right, Jester and Caduceus, you leap off the edge of the ship and are pulled down by the weight of an orca onto the hard surface of the ocean, in which you are water walking. So. Oh, I was picturing it, like, leaping, trying to be cool.


MATT: It is cool. It is cool.

SAM: Down by 2,000--

MATT: But you're still being pulled down by 2,000 pounds into the surface of the ocean in which you are--

LAURA: I didn't want to water walk, I wanted to dive into the water, but--

SAM: Water Walking is on us. We have to--

MATT: Unless you wanted to cancel it.

LAURA: I wanted to cancel, because we can all breathe under water too, and I'm cold resistant, so I was planning on holding onto the rope and just going.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Just imagine it like New Jersey's Action Park. It's cool.

MATT: Not entirely wrong. You're not entirely wrong.

LIAM: I went there five times as a child.

MATT: All right.

ASHLEY: You did not!

LIAM: I'm from Jersey, man.

ASHLEY: We need to talk about this later.

TRAVIS: I have questions.

LIAM: Yeah, I hurt myself.

SAM: I'm not cold resistant. What are we doing?

LAURA: I'm just jumping in. I'm cold resistant. I don't know if it's smart for everybody to do it.

SAM: I'm not cold resistant. I'm not going in the water.

TALIESIN: Don't go in the water.

LIAM: You're on Beauregard's back.

MARISHA: We're skiing.

SAM: Okay, let's ski on the surface.


SAM: Okay.

MATT: All right, so you both are keeping Water Walking on.


MATT: You're keeping Water Walking on?

LIAM: This is ridiculous.

MATT: All right. You all take six points of bludgeoning damage as you impact into the surface and just holding on, your feet or skidding across the surface, which is slick like ice based on both the temperature and the magical effect that you're under. But with that case, you are being pulled along at an immense speed. What is the speed of the orca?

LIAM: 60 feet per round.

MATT: Which means, at a dash, you are moving 120 feet per round.

LAURA: Okay.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: I'm keeping track of the race here now. This is interesting.

TRAVIS: Expeditious Retreat doesn't amp that up, does it?

MATT: It would.

TRAVIS: I have that.

LAURA: But you can't cast it.

MATT: Can't cast it because you're a whale.

TRAVIS: Yeah, makes sense.

LIAM: Yes. All the spells go away.

TRAVIS: Yep. This is uncharted territory for me.

LIAM: Believe me, if I could be a casting T-Rex, I would be.

TRAVIS: Yeah, that makes sense.

MATT: And that would be terrifying. I would throw that at you every game.

MARISHA: Play a druid.

MATT: All right. So.

MARISHA: Get to level 20 and play a druid.

MATT: As you guys are all making your way through the water, the dark, freezing depths below, your feet now immediately numb within the first 30 seconds or so of skidding across the surface.

SAM: Oh no! Is that a small iceberg in front of us, Beau, shaped like a ramp?! (laughter)

MARISHA: Oh no, I think it is. Hold on tight. Whoa!

MATT: Make an acrobatics check for me.

MARISHA: And then we do a barrel roll. Okay.

TRAVIS: Do a barrel roll.

MARISHA: Do a barrel roll!

ASHLEY: I make sure to swim a little bit to like--

MATT: Help give a little rush to it? You got it, you got it.


MATT: 20. As you skid off of this side, the water spraying up a bit, you manage to just find the incline of this one slightly akimbo ice shelf and you go leaping at a full angle and land, doing a complete barrel roll off the edge of the ice and catch it there, still holding onto Veth.

MARISHA: Radical.

LIAM: Officially--

SAM: Totally tubular! (laughter)

LIAM: Officially jumping the shark, Critical Role is.

ASHLEY: I shout a whale (barking), or whatever they do.

TRAVIS: What was that?

TRAVIS: What does your killer whale sound like?! (yodeling) Oh no!

MATT: Is that a baby grizzly?

LIAM: Was that foley? (wheezy barking)

MATT: All right, so you did give a few rounds to this. So keeping tabs, the first round is 120 feet. So I would like to have the orcas to make a perception check.

LIAM: And we've split, right? Like a Y.

MATT: Yes, you guys have gone into this trio, this trident formation to cover the most ground.

LIAM: Advantage perception.

LAURA: Can I look, too, since I'm underwater?

MATT: You can with disadvantage.

LAURA: Okay.



LIAM: 12.

MATT: 12. Nothing yet.

TRAVIS: We don't have advantage, right? Not as orcas. Orcas don't get advantage, right, just you?

MATT: You are having no luck seeing any sign or trace of an entity or your quarry. You do rush past and see a couple of shapes for a moment, but you see it's just a small cluster of seals that just dart away from you as fast as they can at your arrival.

SAM: The seal sound, Ashley?

ASHLEY: Wait, what do seals--?

SAM: (laughs)

ASHLEY: (weak scream) I don't know. (laughter)

MATT: There you go.

ASHLEY: Trying to find it. I don't know. (laughter)

TRAVIS: That was a space ship taking off with all four rocket boosters imploding.

ASHLEY: (seal barking)

ALL: 'Ey!

ASHLEY: There it is.

MATT: Continuing onward, you are staying close to the surface, currently, to keep these people here, right? So, moving to the 240 foot mark.

TRAVIS: 240 foot.

MATT: Right.

LAURA: But you can dive down, you don't have anybody on you.


SAM: I'm going to make my way to the top of Beau.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Onto her shoulders standing, and just like--

LAURA: Caduceus, can we dive under?

TALIESIN: Oh god, I don't want to, but-- ugh.

MATT: She can't talk. You can't...

SAM: I'll put my leg up.

MATT: Oh wait, wait, no, you can, you're holding on, you're holding on, sorry.

MARISHA: Yes. Yes.

LIAM: Wait, Caduceus is on which whale?

MATT: On you.

LIAM: On with us? Okay. Yeah, the creamsicle whale dives.

MATT: Okay. You watch as Caduceus and Jester-- (zwoop)


MATT: -- beneath the water. All righty. I'd like a perception check from all three whales, please. And then for both of you, perception checks with disadvantage.

LIAM: New dice.

MARISHA: Come on, come on.

LAURA: Natural 20!

MATT: With disadvantage?

LAURA: Oh, fuck me.

LIAM: Natural 20! (cheering)

MATT: Nice.


LIAM: I rolled a 19 and a 20 with advantage.

MATT: With disadvantage for you?


MATT: That's great.

TALIESIN: 28 with disadvantage.


MATT: 11.

LAURA: 21 with disadvantage.

LIAM: It's so pretty.

TALIESIN: 26 with disadvantage, I'm sorry.

SAM: I'm going to roll, too, for the surface. Maybe we'll see something on the surface.

MARISHA: Yeah, same.

SAM: I got a four.

MARISHA: I got... a three. (laughter) But we look amazing.

MATT: In fact, that's what you guys are focused on right now. The adrenaline's still pumping from that landing. It's pretty slick.

MARISHA: I just prop my-- and then do a full lift.

SAM: And I'll transfer so my hands are on her head.

MARISHA: Okay, perfect. Yeah.

MARISHA: And one-handed.

SAM: Oh, one hand?

MARISHA: Yeah, man. And nailed it.

MATT: Nice. Okay. So, you don't see a sign of anything yet. (groaning)

LAURA: Oh, fuck.

MATT: Even with the natural 20, there's nothing within your visual range here that catches your attention. We move on to the next round.

LAURA: She's 500 feet.

MARISHA: That's it.

LAURA: 500 feet.

MARISHA: How do you beat that?

LAURA: She can't swim as fast as we can.

MATT: Just because you roll really high doesn't mean that you can see miles away or anything at this distance. It's a higher roll and proximity and location. So I'm keeping track of a lot, all like a matrix here.

LIAM: I could have gotten the 19 and 20 in the wrong direction.

SAM: Yes, we also could be swimming in the wrong direction.

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: No idea.

MATT: Also depends on, you know, surface and depth. There's a lot of factors here. And trio...

ASHLEY: Polymorph is an hour?

LIAM: An hour.

TALIESIN: I'm going to--

MATT: All right. So, yeah. So now with you guys diving beneath the surface and you, are you diving as well or are you staying--

TRAVIS: 60 feet under the surface.

MATT: 60 feet under the surface? How deep are you, Caleb?

LIAM: How deep is my love? Like 100 feet down.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: 100 feet?

TRAVIS: You'll lose visibility-

LAURA: That's terrible.

LIAM: Why?

LAURA: Because it's very dark down there, speaking from a scuba diver.

LIAM: I'm using hearing.

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: Okay.

TALIESIN: I'm going to cast Protection From Energy on myself while we're rolling.

MATT: Good call. On cold, I imagine?


MATT: The icy depths do not affect you negatively.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

MATT: They were about to, but you're good. Okay. You watch, as you guys are holding on, Caduceus pulls one hand up and does like a slight undulating motion with his wrist, brings it back to his chest and there's this burst of cold energy around his torso that drifts off and you now see, as icy water seems to almost drift away from him in a forward impact, which is nice. All right, perception checks from all of you beneath the surface. You guys can make checks if you want.

MARISHA: Yeah, why not?


MATT: 16, okay.

LIAM: Natural 20.

MATT: Again?


LIAM: A one and a 20 this time.


MARISHA: A natural one.

SAM: I got a six.



SAM: We're talking about costumes now.

MATT: Five?

LAURA: 15.

MATT: 15, got it.

MARISHA: Like flames? I'm in ice and you are in flames.

SAM: Fire and ice? Perfect.

MARISHA: It's great.

MATT: Okay. Caleb. You hear thrashing, faintly in the water, loosely in the direction you are traveling, though you can't pinpoint it, but you do get the essence that there is something also swimming a ways ahead of you.

LIAM: Okay. I go (whale call) and replicate what I learned from Star Trek. That old Star Trek movie.


LIAM: Yep. (whale calls)

TRAVIS: San Francisco Bay, man.

TALIESIN: The Search for See-Through Aluminum.

LIAM: And call the other whales.

TRAVIS: (whale call)

LIAM: Move over, cows.

TALIESIN: Whales are the new cows.

TRAVIS: Sea cows.

MATT: The direction that you hear it from is a little bit upward, and it crosses with the path that Fjord is currently pursuing.

LIAM: I'll try to course correct as I continue to stream forward.

MATT: All right. So moving on to the next--

LIAM: And I moo that out. (whale call)

MATT: Continuing to push forward. Everyone make another perception check.

LIAM: Come on, universe. Give me another one.

TALIESIN: Double one!

LIAM: Average.

LAURA: Two and three.

MATT: Nice, clerics bringing up the rear.

SAM: I got a 19.

MARISHA: I got a four.

TALIESIN: My eyes were closed.


LIAM: 14.

MATT: 17.


MATT: Okay.

LIAM: (whale calls)

MATT: You heard what Caleb had disseminated throughout the water, though you do not understand. Well, no, you are one of the whales, so you pick up on what he's saying, but you're all still losing it. Like it's becoming hard to follow. You're still at quite a distance from whatever this is, and you're starting to lose the trail a bit. But you recall the direction you were traveling, and you continue push that way in hopes that you haven't been noticed or you can alter your path. What would you like to do?

LIAM: I will stop mooing in the water, but go in the same direction.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Dragging the clerics as I go.

MATT: Same?


MATT: Are you continuing to fan out, or are you beginning to converge with Fjord and Caleb?

ASHLEY: So you've been communicating.

LIAM: I just now mooed out this way.


LIAM: "Follow me," and then I stopped talking.

ASHLEY: I'm going to start making my way-- ♪ Making my way to Caleb. ♪

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: Swimming over. Also putting the tail out, making it look pretty to add to the show.

MATT: You got it, all right.

MARISHA: We got a fountain going.

SAM: Nice.

MARISHA: It's great.

MATT: Are you joining with this?


MATT: Okay. So you guys are beginning to slowly bring your fanning pattern back together, moving on for another batch here. This is interesting, okay. Continuing to push forward, keeping down in this darker, 70 or so foot depth. What little bit of light is coming through the clouds and the storm above is helping give a little bit of visibility to those of you who are relying on sight. However, the rest of you, the hearing, it's very unique being underwater. It's an odd sense of having awareness of much more space than what you're used to and picking up just shifting movement and sound and elements, and being able to understand a vague idea of the vicinity. It's unique. And hopefully it will be enough. So I would need everyone here to go ahead and roll perception again. Once again, disadvantage for those of you who are not whales.

LAURA: I'm going to guide you, Caleb.

LIAM: Okay. Said it.


LIAM: And that's a d4?


MATT: 14.

MARISHA: It's actually okay this time.

SAM: 19 on the surface again.

MARISHA: 20 on the surface this time.

MATT: Though your visibility is shitty, and since you're convening to join them, you guys are keeping out, and you see in the distance, more heavier ice floes. In fact, the path you're heading right now looks to be a very clustered path of jagged, broken ice shelves.

SAM: Oh god.

MATT: And right as you realize this--

SAM: Oh god.

MATT: The rope pulls you underwater.

MARISHA: Hold your breath!

SAM: Well, we can't, we've got Water Walk on.

LIAM: You can drop it if you choose.

MATT: You can choose to drop it if you want to.

TALIESIN: No, you can just drop it.

LAURA: You've got a ring on, though.

SAM: He has to-- it's his.

LIAM: Matt said that the person with it on--

MARISHA: Does it force you from going underwater? Is it more like a life vest?

TALIESIN: No, it makes you buoyant.

MATT: It makes you buoyant. It's less about the, you cannot break the surface. It's just you're resisting it. Which would be tough if you're being dragged through the water by an orca. It would slow her down.

MARISHA: Can I grab Veth and try and, like, do some monk shit and maneuver around it and like pop pop pop pop pop over top of it?

MATT: How long is the rope you have?

MARISHA: 30 feet-ish, I guess-

MATT: She is now going 60 feet underwater. So either you have to hold onto the rope and go under the water with her or let go and try and run across the surface and the ice above. It's your call.

SAM: What if we let go, run across, and then on the other side, we'll rejoin with her. No.

MARISHA: Because I can, if it's a 30-foot rope, we're not necessarily at the end of the rope. My dash speed is 100 feet. Unless you want to hold your breath.

SAM: Can I even go under the water? I'm wearing a ring of water walking.

ASHLEY: You have underwater breathing.

MATT: In the same regard, if you wanted to will it to go under there, you could let the effect subside.

LAURA: Just go under-fucking-water. Everybody can breathe.

SAM: Go underwater.

MARISHA: Okay, I clutch onto Veth for added protection.

MATT: All right, and in that moment, that moment of choose top or, you know, to go top route or underneath, you make the choice, and instinctually take a deep breath, though it will not matter before you both plunge beneath the surface.

MARISHA: All right, good to know.

MATT: All right. perception checks?

LAURA: Oh yeah, we all rolled.

MATT: Yes.

TRAVIS: Oh. 19.

LAURA: 19.

LIAM: Dirty 20.

SAM: Mine was 19 on the surface.

MATT: Right.

ASHLEY: Seven.



MATT: All right. And now for you guys, perception checks with disadvantage, as a note, now that you're under the water. You're picking up that sound of thrashing again. You still can't quite pinpoint the specific direction, but you know it's loosely in front of you. You feel like you're on the tail of it, to a degree. If you can maintain some semblance of the same rolls, you'll continue to hone in on it. If you don't, you'll begin to lose it. So that brings us to... You are slowly gaining at the moment. Both... Veth and Beauregard. Both take six points of cold damage from the impact of the icy waters that you've been dragged underneath. The rest of you, make your perception checks. Well, you guys as well, make your perception checks but with disadvantage if you're not a whale.

SAM: One.


TALIESIN: Another natural 20 that I get to burn, 16.

MARISHA: Natural one.

SAM: Oh boy.



MATT: 21. Nice.

SAM: It's darker under here.

LIAM: 16.

MATT: 16.

LAURA: Fail.

MARISHA: So fucking cold.


MATT: 19. All of you begin to lose the thrashing sound except for Yasha. Yasha, you can pick up on it, and as you're honing in on it, you begin to see the intent and the drive from Yasha swimming and pulling you guys along into the water beneath. It's beginning to dive a bit, and you watch Yasha beginning to go into a deeper trajectory, and you all can adjust with her, if you'd like.

TRAVIS: Mm-hmm.

ASHLEY: I call out, too. (whale call)

TRAVIS: (whale call)

MATT: I live for this.

LIAM: (creaking)

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: (creaking)

TRAVIS: Well, they do make those clicking sounds and stuff.

MATT: All right. You're feeling like you're getting closer. You're beginning to push more and more in that direction, as it gets deeper and deeper, the light begins to subside, and the two of you, you can barely see anything. You can hear things better than you can see them almost, and the depths are freezing cold. You both take four points of cold damage.

TALIESIN: You did take your 15 positive before we left the boat, right?

MARISHA: No, I did not.


SAM: I did.



MARISHA: Before we left the boat?

MATT: He did a Mass Cure Wounds. Everybody did heal 15 before you left.

MARISHA: That helps.

LIAM: How long have we been swimming for, like 10, 15, 20 minutes or something? 30 minutes?

MATT: At this point, it would be about, no, no, I'm going round by round by round here.

LIAM: Round by round, got it.

MATT: Because this is a distance travel, this is a you either win quickly or you lose quickly.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: So you are now in round seven.

SAM: Are we still rolling? We're still going at 120 feet per second?

MATT: Exactly.

SAM: Because we're using...

LAURA: Double double.

LIAM: Whale speed, dash.

MATT: Yeah, whale speed with a dash.

SAM: Doesn't that take an action?

MATT: It does.

LIAM: Yeah. Nobody's attacking.

SAM: But I mean, we're also rolling perception?

MATT: For this, it's just keeping an eye out and hearing. This is more of just as you're swimming hard, you're just listening out for it.

LIAM: Yeah, it's different than investigation.

MATT: So perception checks for the whales, and perception checks for those who are underwater.

SAM: ♪ Perception checks for the whales ♪


LIAM: Dirty 20.

MATT: Dirty 20?


MATT: 20.

LAURA: Did you take it?


LIAM: Did you give it to me?

LAURA: I didn't.

LIAM: No, I didn't.

LAURA: Okay.



SAM: Ooh.

MATT: That's a good round.

MARISHA: With disadvantage.

LAURA: 19.

MATT: That's a very good round.

SAM: 11.

MATT: All of you begin to pick up the sound of swimming and thrashing. It is from a smaller source than the whales, and it begins to shift, like it's reacting to your presence, and is thrashing faster and with more intent. Let's go ahead and move to the next round.

SAM: This is a thing.

TRAVIS: How much time has transpired, roughly?

LIAM: Forming an emotional bond.

MATT: You're under a minute.


LIAM: Did really well.

MARISHA: Another round of perception?

MATT: Another round of perception, yeah.


LIAM: Natural 20.

LAURA: 25.

TRAVIS: No fucking way.

MATT: Damn!

TRAVIS: Three of them? Wow!

MATT: You have rolled some 20s tonight.

LIAM: These are my dice. I'm never giving them up!

TRAVIS: Natural 20.

LIAM: Oh shit!

MATT: Okay.


MATT: 13.


SAM: Nine.


MATT: Okay. That's more than half over 20. You begin to make out from the source, and it is now diving deeper into the lightless depths below. But you see a humanoid figure, currently swimming its way beneath the waters.

LAURA: How far away?

MATT: At the moment, it is 80 feet away from you.

SAM: Just a single human figure?

MATT: Single humanoid figure.

SAM: Whoa.

LAURA: I'm going to cast Guiding Bolt. At 3rd-level.

MATT: Right now? Okay. Go ahead, roll for attack with disadvantage.

LAURA: Is that okay?

MARISHA: Do it. Yeah, highlights her.

LIAM: Yeah, love it. Come on, cowgirl, get it.

LAURA: Damn it. Damn it. No, that's 12.

MATT: 12 misses, unfortunately. It streaks by, but you all watch as this bead of bright light, like a firing flare of divine energy, just streaks into the depths below, and as it does, for a split second, you see the darkened, shadowed outline of what you assume is Avantika, ducking out, dodging out of the way, looking over and seeing this rapidly gaining pod of whales and the hitchhikers that currently clutch to the ropes making their way, bearing down upon her.

LIAM: You miss, but that's a fucking great visual.

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: Yeah, it really is.

MATT: So, going into the next round.

ASHLEY: Some light.

MARISHA: This is crazy.

SAM: Matty, do we take another set of cold damage?

MATT: You do. Take three cold damage.

SAM: Yay.

TALIESIN: How you guys holding up?


TALIESIN: All right.

MARISHA: About half for me.

SAM: Me, too.

MATT: You are 20 feet from her.

LAURA: (gasps) 20 feet from her.

SAM: We can eat her.

TRAVIS: I can.

LIAM: Feeding frenzy.

TRAVIS: Can I use--


TRAVIS: Can use my Relentless Hex as a bonus action to magically teleport up to 30 feet to an unoccupied space you can see within five feet of the target cursed by your Hex spell?

LIAM: You have to drop your whale.

MATT: I will say, for the purposes of this and how the Hex is attuned to you, you would have to drop your whale form.

MARISHA and LAURA: You don't have any hitchhikers.

LIAM: Yeah, you're an underwater dude. It's kind of cool.

TRAVIS: I'll drop it.

MATT: Okay. You watch as one of the whale forms vanishes, and a secondary dark shadow of the captain, Fjord Stone, dives forth. And then in a flash, you see just a few bubbles left behind and he's gone. As Avantika is diving down, suddenly in front of her, you appear, the blade glowing like this underwater torchlight

TRAVIS: Can I take two swings?

MATT: You can.

LAURA: Oh shit!

MARISHA: Oh my god.

LAURA: Get her!

ASHLEY: I love this game.


TRAVIS: That's 21 to hit.

MATT: 21 misses. (groaning)

LIAM: She's badass!

TRAVIS: She is. That's 17 plus 12 is--

SAM: Oh!



MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage on her.

ASHLEY: Come on.

TRAVIS: 10-- (counting) 24 points of force damage.

MATT: From?

TRAVIS: One slash.

MATT: One slash, nice. All right. So she gets struck in the side. As her mouth opens, no bubbles emerge. She doesn't breathe air at the moment.

TRAVIS: Shocker.

MATT: She's going to use her reaction to do Hungry Swipe. She's going to strike at you out with the dagger. And that dagger is going to be a 21 to hit.

TRAVIS: That hits. I will roll with my Armor of Hexes.

MATT: Your armor-- oh no, that's still lasting.

TRAVIS: And it's a four, so it misses.

MATT: Let's see here. Well, this is the ninth round, and you cast the Hex-

TRAVIS: Oh, that does last a certain amount of time, doesn't it?

MATT: It lasts for 10 rounds, so it would not, so we'll say for the purposes of this, this is the last round it'll happen.


MATT: We'll say it's the last round that you have a Hex.

TRAVIS: Okay (exhales)

MATT: So it misses. The dagger swings wide, and at that point, the shadows dissipate from her body.

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

MATT: The hex is no longer there.


MATT: But you are both swimming in tandem now while you're both striking at each other as she's still trying to push away. So, the next round, the whales will catch up. Because she does not swim as fast as orcas. So.

TALIESIN: Sacred Flame? Yeah, we'll wait till--

MATT: For the purposes of this, let's go ahead and roll, we don't need a battlefield here, but we can roll initiative to see what order people are going in.

MARISHA: A brand new initiative?

MATT: Brand new initiative.



MARISHA: (laughs) Natural 20.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: So 25 total for Beau.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: Natural one.

SAM: Yeah.

LAURA: So five total for Jester.

MATT: There you go.

MARISHA: That natural 20 on literally any other thing this game.

MATT: All right, so, 25 to 20, we got Beau. 20 to 15?

LIAM: 17.




MATT: All right, then we have Caduceus and Caleb. 15 to 10?

SAM: 14.

MATT: 10 to five?

LAURA: Five. Did you roll, Fjord?

TRAVIS: I did.


SAM: Ooh.

MATT: What'd you get?


SAM: Ooh.

TRAVIS: No, two.

SAM: Ooh!

MATT: There you go. All right, Beau, you're up first.

MARISHA: Okay. I guess I'm going to yank on the rope and run along the back of Yasha whale, and then I'm going to kick off of Yasha whale's nose, do a forward flip, and then get to her, 50 feet of movement.

MATT: 50 feet of movement halved, because you're underwater, so it's 25. You were 20 feet from her, so you can get there.

MARISHA: So I can get there.

MATT: Because you're following them, so you can get there.

MARISHA: Okay, and I use a little bit of the current from Yasha whale as she-

MATT: You torpedo Beau towards--


MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: Headbutt.

MARISHA: That sounds fun. I'm going to torpedo Beau headbutt.

TRAVIS: Do you slow down as you get there and like (thunk)?

MATT: I just envision Robin Williams in the Popeye movie when he torpedo-Popeyes into the octopus at the end. There you go.

LIAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: I bonk her a little bit, but then I do the five-inch punch, and then--

MATT: Go for it.

TRAVIS: I think it's a one-inch punch.

MATT: Roll your attacks. Your attacks all have--

MARISHA: One-inch punch, whatever.

SAM: It's five times as good.

MATT: Your attacks are all disadvantage because you are underwater.

MARISHA: Disadvantage. All right, so first attack. 22?

MATT: 22 misses.

MARISHA: 22 misses. Second attack. Misses.


MATT: You go in, about to touch, and you one-inch punch, and she just darts out of the way. She's pretty comfortable under the water. And you go for a second strike, and she moves out of the way again. You get your bonus.

MARISHA: Fucking irritated. Flurry of Blows.

MATT: You're not the only dodge tank in the world.

MARISHA: Yeah. I'm just going to resort to bar brawl 18-year old Beau and start clawing and try and grab at her coat.

MATT: You got it.

MARISHA: Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. Ah! Oh, oh, yay, okay. 27?

MATT: 27 hits.

MARISHA: Yeah, I grab her hoops. 15?

MATT: 15 damage, or to hit?

MARISHA: 15 damage.

MATT: Okay, continue.

MARISHA: On that first one.

MATT: You got it. All right.

MARISHA: Next one, disadvantage. No, that's a one and a six.

MATT: Okay, you do get one hit off. You hit her off in the temple.

MARISHA: Stunning Strike.

MATT: You know she's immune to stunning.

MARISHA: She's immune to stunning, I know she's immune to stunning.

MATT: I will allow you to not spend that point because you would know.

MARISHA: I know that already. I pull her hair, feels like all I got.

MATT: Sure, it comes free.

ALL: (groaning)

MATT: With relative ease.

ALL: Ew!

MATT: Her hat is gone and there is now a chunk of exposed skull where you tugged at it.

MARISHA: A little bit of a flesh and bone attached to it?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: That's cool.

MATT: All righty. That finishes Beau's go, Yasha, you are going simultaneously with Avantika. What's your dexterity?


MATT: I will say Avantika actually goes a little bit before you.

ASHLEY: That's fine.


ASHLEY: Ladies first.

MATT: In proximity with Beau and Fjord, Fjord's going to be the source of her frustration. Even though you just pulled her hair out. She's like, "Whatever." You're the one that she has some history to deal with.

TRAVIS: Just a little bit.

MATT: So after the hair tugs off a bit, her head snaps in your direction with a horrible whipping and clicking into position. The head still tilted to one side, the eyes still glowing with that odd yellow, the pupil isn't even visible now. You just see these yellow glow, the same glow you recall from any dreams you had with Uk'otoa over the past year.

SAM: (whispering) Uk'otoa.

MATT: The rapier comes out to strike at you with the first strike. That is going to an 18 to hit?

TRAVIS: It hits.

MATT: It hits. With that, the rapier does 14 points of piercing damage to you.

TRAVIS: Okay, 14. As it strikes you, the blood (pfff) out there, and you feel this cold sensation in the wound, and you watch this dull glow down the rapier, like it pulled energy out of you.

TALIESIN: Ah, fucker.

MATT: The glow goes into her and she's pulsing within her torso ever so gently. She's going to now strike with the dagger as her offhand before she goes in for the secondary rapier attack. So the dagger strike is going to be 20 to hit.


MATT: You take 10 points of piercing damage. And as the dagger cuts through your midsection, necrotic energy suddenly pierces into the wound that it leaves behind, dealing in additional 11 points of necrotic damage to you. And she pulls back with the rapier for now her third and final strike, and goes to pierce you a third time. Oh, that is a 30 to hit.

TRAVIS: I think it hits.


TRAVIS: Think it hit.

MATT: You take 16 points of piercing damage. And as the blade sticks into you, that glow that she pulled out of you charges through the arm, through the rapier, and into the wound, and then bursts on the inside. You feel this horrible burning sensation, like a portion of your soul is being charred on the inside, as she uses her Soul Burn ability.

TRAVIS: Soul Burn.

MATT: She seems to be able to draw out elements of somebody's soul and then redirect it. So you take from that...

TRAVIS: It's me, soul, don't hurt me.

LAURA: You know me, soul.

TRAVIS: Soul knows the way.

MATT: 28 points in necrotic damage.


TALIESIN: How you doing, buddy?

MATT: And she's going to continue-- she's going to stay put, because she's currently now in a defensive position between the two of you, and it starting to feel a little confident on now that she's brought you into her favored terrain, if you will. All right, that's going to finish Avantika's go. Yasha, you're up.


MATT: As a whale.

ASHLEY: Can I just try to go chomp on her?

MATT: Yeah, go for it!

ASHLEY: Okay. Do I just-- it's a--

LIAM: Attack roll. You could either try to damage her or choose instead to grapple her.

ASHLEY: Yeah, I want to...

MATT: Your call.

ASHLEY: I mean, I want to do damage and grapple. But it's just one attack because it's a whale?

MATT: Yeah. You get one attack. It's a bite.

ASHLEY: Okay. So I'm just going to bite and hold her down.

MATT: Yeah, so go ahead and roll an attack and six to the attack roll.


TALIESIN: Wait. Yeah, go ahead. No, I'm sorry, sorry. I'm doing math in my head.

ASHLEY: 20 total.

MATT: 20 total. Unfortunately, as you swing by, she just ducks beneath and skids across the blubber as you dive and curl around, unable to find purchase with your teeth.

TRAVIS: 17 or higher.

TALIESIN: Well, 22 misses on her.

MATT: Correct.


TALIESIN: Killer whales aren't going to do shit.

MATT: Unless you roll really high. I don't know.

TALIESIN: Unless we roll really high.

MATT: All right, that finishes Yasha's go. Caduceus and Caleb, you're up.

TRAVIS: Natural dice roll of 17 or higher. Maybe.

TALIESIN: You can go first.

LIAM: I'm just going to try to bite her and hurt her. Long shot. 23

MATT: 23 does hit. Roll damage on that. That just hits.

MARISHA: Wow. Okay.

LIAM: 24 points of piercing damage.

SAM: Whoa.

MATT: Nice. So, as she ducks out of the way of Yasha swishing by, she prepares herself to focus between the dueling stance of between Beauregard and Fjord. And without realizing, she looks down just in time to see this giant angry orca maw come up from beneath and close on her leg. She pushes off and kicks out of your mouth. But she does, there's a stream of dark liquid, long coagulated blood now released into the water around her, leaving a dark cloud around the outside of her torso

LIAM: ♪ Fanta, Fanta, don't you want a ♪

MATT: All righty. That finishes Caleb's go. Caduceus?

TALIESIN: I'm keeping a little bit of distance. Just like, not a ton of distance, but I'm going to Sacred Flame at this point.

MATT: Okay, you got it. What's the same on that?

TALIESIN: It's a dex save.

MATT: Dex save. She's good at those. That is a 27.

TALIESIN: Motherfucker. Okay, good to know.

MATT: All right, so as you release Sacred Flame, it flares, but where it flares, she's suddenly not there. It seems like the spell itself-- she almost seems to deflect the spell and use that deflection energy to vanish from her spot and teleport 30 feet towards you.

TALIESIN: Did that actually work?

MATT: It did.

TALIESIN: So she's no longer grappled?

MATT: She's no longer grappled.


MATT: Well, I don't think she was grappled previously.

TALIESIN: Oh, she was just bit.

MATT: She was just bit.


MATT: But suddenly, she vanishes.

TALIESIN: Still 30 feet away from me.

MATT: Seems that directed spells, she has another trick up her sleeve.

TALIESIN: Cool to know.

MATT: So now she's pretty close to you. Within a short distance, she can get to you. All right, that finishes your go, Caduceus. Veth, you're up. Jester, you're on deck.

LAURA: Wait, what did she just do?

SAM: So where she--

TALIESIN: She teleported 30 feet towards me because I did a direct spell.

MATT: He did a spell towards her, the flame burst. And as it did is she almost seemed to push it to the side and then vanish and then appear 30 feet closer to Caduceus.

LAURA: Oh wow.

SAM: So how far is she from moi?

MATT: From you? Since you were riding by, holding on to Beauregard and dropped behind. If you were holding onto the rope still. You could have let go and be within 50 feet of her.

SAM: Okay. Boy oh boy.

SAM: This is so confusing.

MATT: Also, Beauregard and Veth, you both take six points of cold damage.

SAM: Okay, great, great, great. Not so much I can do. Is she engaged with anyone?

MATT: At the moment, no, she teleported away.

SAM: Damn it. And it's pointless to shoot a crossbow at her. I mean, it's not pointless.

LIAM: She's not up at Caddy right now?

LAURA: She's 30 feet away from him.

LIAM: 30 feet from Caddy, got it.

MATT: And 30 feet away from you.

SAM: I've got nowhere to hide. I'll do the same fucking thing again. I will cast Phantasmal Force at her.

MATT: Okay, and it is intelligence, right?

SAM: Yes.

MATT: That is a natural one.

LAURA: Ah, thank you!

SAM: Okay. Uh. Mm-hmm. I didn't expect that to work. (laughter) Fjord's holding his sword, right?

TRAVIS: Mm-hmm.

SAM: Okay, I will, through force of... my charisma-- no, I will make her believe that Fjord's sword is the orb.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Ooh, like he stole it away from her when they were fighting?

MATT: Okay, so as she darts towards Caduceus and takes stock of the vicinity she glances back towards you and her face goes (gasps) wide. Suddenly she glances towards her belt and back towards you. Okay, that's your turn.

SAM: That's it, that's all I got.

MATT: You got it. All right, that brings us to Jester. Fjord, you're on deck.

LAURA: What does what does Phantasmal Force do?

SAM: It makes her believe something.

LAURA: It's not like a charm spell, where if I attack her it's going to break the illusion?

SAM: No.


SAM: Huh?

TALIESIN: Paying attention to some shit. All right, making plan, sorry.

LIAM: She just sicced Avantika back on Fjord essentially.

LAURA: Right.

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: And how far away am I from everybody? I guess I was holding onto Caleb, so I'm up with--

MATT: You're holding onto Caleb. You're, right now, I'd say, about 40 feet from Avantika and you guys are all pretty clustered in this little orb that was around her before she teleported out.

LAURA: Okay, so I can't get to her. How's everybody doing?

SAM: (underwater noises) It's cold down here.

LAURA: I'm going to-- (squeals) (exhales)

SAM: Is this how hard it is for you to heal someone?

LAURA: Yeah. (exhaling)

LAURA: I am going to...

SAM: You will cast Healing Word.

TRAVIS: Each new opportunity is a chance to not fuck up. And it sucks for you, too. I've been doing it all day.

LAURA: I can't, I can't use my-- it's my 7th-level spell! Are we that low on health?

TRAVIS: No, not yet.

LAURA: Okay, then I'm not going to do it.

LIAM: Orca power.

LAURA: Okay, then I'm going to just 3rd-level... 3rd-level, I'm going to try to Guiding Bolt her again.

MATT: Go for it. Roll for an attack.

ASHLEY: Come on.

MATT: Because you're close, you do not have disadvantage on the attack.

ASHLEY: Kill 'er!

TRAVIS: Whale!

LAURA: (grumbles) (blows raspberry)

LAURA: Oh! 28!

MATT: That definitely hits. (cheering) That's 6d6, okay.

MATT: And the next attack against her has advantage.

LAURA: Yeah!

MATT: She is a bright, shiny beacon to be piñata-ed here beneath the ocean.

LAURA: (grumbles) Five, six. 11, 15, 19 points.

MATT: 19 points of damage, nice. So as you release this blast, it shoots through, once again, like a divine torpedo blasting her in the side. And as it does, you watch as it burns up the side, almost ignoring the fact that you're underwater for a brief moment and you see flames, their own divine nature just pushing through the water like it's just air and singeing up the side of her body. As it burns there, you all have this bright open view of Avantika giving off this radius of bright light around her. That finish your turn?

LAURA: Um, y-y-yes.

MATT: Okay. Fjord, you're up.

TRAVIS: I'll take two swings.


MATT: Okay. You have to move 30 feet to swim up to her, though.

TRAVIS: She moved away, right?

MATT: Correct. Does your armor allow you to swim?

TRAVIS: Mariner's Breastplate.

MATT: Yeah, you still have the breastplate, so yeah, you can catch up to her 30 feet. You can totally do that.

MARISHA: Come on, come on. Poetry in motion.

TRAVIS: There's got to be one in the day right? That's 29.

SAM: Yes!

MATT: That definitely hits.


MARISHA: (quietly) Come on.

TRAVIS: That's 13 points.

MATT: 13 points of damage.

TRAVIS: Second one.

MATT: Second strike.

TRAVIS: This is just regular, right?


MATT: Yeah, that is regular strike.

TRAVIS: It's 28.

MATT: 28 hits again.

TRAVIS: I'm going to pump a Divine Smite into this.

MARISHA: Yes, you will.

MATT: That's right, because you still have paladin spell levels.


TRAVIS: Five, 12, 14 plus 2d8.

MATT: 3d8, because she is undead.

TRAVIS: She is undead. Fuck. What did I say, 14? What was the first one, 14 points?


TRAVIS: That's eight, 16, 20. 34 points of damage.

MATT: 34 points of damage. How do you want to do this? (cheering)

TRAVIS: Oh man.


LAURA: Oh my god!

TRAVIS: Shit. I'll swim up to her, and on the first strike it turns her, and on the second one, as I bring the sword back around, you see yellow energy shimmer from the water around Fjord and it collects and runs up through him and the runes pulse on the Star Razor.

MATT: You all watch as the runes pulse upon the Star Razor, the blade itself seems to almost extend an additional inch and a half. You watch as additional runes that previously were not visible on the blade begin to appear on the outer edge of the base of the blade.

TRAVIS: What?! I was just making that shit up!

MATT: Continue.

TRAVIS: They pulse. Fjord's yellow eyes flash, because fuck Uk'otoa. (explosion) And just bisect her.

MATT: As the blade impacts and cuts through the body, you just see the swing. All the energy streaks through, and there's a moment where it's just calm and still in the darkness below. Avantika doesn't react. The blade itself now goes dark. And you watch as the center of the chest, a thin line of white light appears. Her head lolls down towards it. And looks back up towards you. And as she opens her mouth, the inside of her mouth is glowing with that same light. (explosion) As it bursts, completely sending the upper part of her torso and lower half of her body scattering from each other as in the middle of this space. It's like when you see a depth charge explode. There's a-- (explosion) under the water. Before it-- vanishes there. Leaving the two parts of her just setting adrift, lifeless and un-lifeless, in the dark depths.

LAURA: Go get the orb, go get the orb.

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I swim. I swim down to her lower half. Find whatever knapsack or pocket she was putting it in and search for it.

MATT: Roll an investigation check.

TRAVIS: Oh god, please have it.

LAURA: Otherwise we just have to take her whole body.


MATT: Her body has taken quite a beating in the past few rounds.


MATT: 24. As you rush up towards the body, you glance over and watch, the jostling of the impact has torn free the orb.

LAURA: (quietly) Oh my god.

MATT: But as it begins to plummet, you catch it.

TRAVIS: I just hold it for a second. I look over at everyone. Including a shitload of whales.

LIAM: (whale call)

TRAVIS: I look at Caleb's giant albino and cream colored killer whale.

SAM: Like an Orange Julius.

TRAVIS: I'm going to hold onto this for a little bit, if you don't mind, and I will put it in the Bag of Holding. Are there any other reinforcements of hers that were coming?

MATT: Perception check.

TRAVIS: We've been chasing, I'm pretty sure. That's a two.

TALIESIN: We should run.

MATT: You look pretty alone. And by the way, Fjord and Nott-- Veth take two points of cold damage.

MARISHA: Did you mean Beau?

MATT: Beau, I mean, sorry.

TRAVIS: And me too, now.

LAURA: Oh yeah, we should get back.

MATT: Yeah, and you as well because you're no longer an orca.

TALIESIN: Really quick, I'm going to do a Mass Cure Wounds for everybody. Who needs it? Not the whales, I suppose--

MARISHA: I'll take it.

TALIESIN: One, two, three, four, five. Everyone else is fine.

LIAM: (whale noises)

TALIESIN: Are any whales hurt?

LIAM: (whale noises)

SAM: No whales were hurt in this-- (laughter)

ASHLEY: No whales were hurt in this film.

TALIESIN: Five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, that sucked, six.

SAM: What?

TALIESIN: 16 healing to everyone.

LAURA: That's great.

MATT: All right. The cold is taking its toll on those who are not protected from the elements. As you are healed by Caduceus, the whales begin to gather the party that needs some assistance to swim. And you hear new sounds in the water around you. (whale calls) Other orcas seem to have called upon the sounds you have been making and the call to join. And as you begin to make your way up back to the surface of the water, you watch as they tear into the remains of Avantika. A very easy, scavenged meal.

TRAVIS: And her sword and dagger have fallen right?

MATT: They have begun to sink, unless one of you wants to try and catch them before they reach the bottom of the ocean.

TRAVIS: I wouldn't mind trying.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah.



TRAVIS: I'll do a dash. So 60 feet or whatever, yeah.

MATT: I will say, this is going to be a perception check. You have darkvision?


MATT: That'll help. So just make a perception check.

TRAVIS: Okay. That's... 18.

MATT: 18, okay. You grab the dagger. Go ahead and roll for the other weapon.

TRAVIS: Perception for this?

MATT: Yes.

LAURA: Can I cast Enhance Abil-- oh, it's touch.


MATT: 19. You also grab the rapier. You have them both. Yeah, those are really good perception checks. So you have both the weapons. You can put them in your Bag of Holding and begin to catch up with the rest of them.

MATT: I'll probably take another--

MATT: Oh, you do. Everyone takes-- Actually, that was way too many dice, I don't know why I did that. Three points of cold damage to the lot of you. But you will-- If you guys are waiting for Fjord? Or are you heading up to the surface?

LAURA: We'll wait for Fjord.

MARISHA: I grab-- I'm going to go up.

ASHLEY: I'm going to wait for Fjord.

TALIESIN: I'll wait.

MARISHA: I'll grab Veth and we like, go for the water walking buoyancy, try and get up.

MATT: You both take three more points of cold damage before you reach the surface. Fjord returns with the weapons and takes another five. And the rest of you begin to make your way to the icy crest of the ocean. A little ways away from the ship, but you still have two orcas that can pull the rest of the crew. And you're only a little over a thousand feet away from the Midnight Hammer. So you manage to drag the rest of the party to the outskirts of the boat to where you see the crew remaining, including Captain Kem, whose ears are dripping a little bit of blood from the scream earlier, glances over the side and goes, "All right, so you made some friends, where's the rest of you?"

MARISHA: They're coming.

SAM: This is the rest of-- I mean, yeah.

MARISHA: They're whales.

MATT: "Throw the ladder over." And they throw two of the metallic chain ladders over the side that clink down and then splash into the water below. Those who wish to could drop their orca form, but eventually you all climb your way back onto the deck of the ship.

LIAM: Not net yet, first killer whale bumps Jester a little too hard. (whale call) And if you've ever seen a killer whale, like a giant aquatic creature, like, do a big toothy smile? (whale call)

LAURA: Oh, I do that thing where they reach in and they pet the tongue. (laughter)

SAM: You gotta do a--

LIAM: (blowing forcefully)

MATT: There it is.

ASHLEY: There you go. Big boy.

LIAM: (whoosh) Oh.

LAURA: Okay, okay.

LIAM: Scheiße, the water is cold.

TRAVIS: Y'all are special.

MARISHA: Caduceus, can you start boiling some water for tea? Like, right now?

TALIESIN: Yeah, no, I'm going to take this stuff off, and put on something dry and then start the kettle.

LAURA: Take the rod of hand-warming.

MARISHA: Oh yes, thank you!

LAURA: Everybody huddle around the rod of hand-warming.

TRAVIS: That mage was swallowed, right? Eaten whole?

LAURA: Yeah, Caleb ate him.

LIAM: I ate him, he'll come out later.

SAM: Oh god.

LIAM: I think.

SAM: How does that work?

LIAM: I'm not entirely sure. (laughter)

TRAVIS: If the crystal that he had happens to make its way out that would be useful.

MATT: So if we are going specifically into the details of what happens when somebody eats something and then polymorphs back.

LIAM: Yes, yes we are Matt.

MATT: I didn't detail at the time because we were in the middle of the rush for the narrative, but when you transformed, in the process of transforming back, you regurgitate the remains of what you had devoured.


LIAM: (retches)

MATT: So there is a pulverized corpse of whatever that strange fish humanoid creature was sitting frozen on the upper deck of the ship.

LAURA: Oh good.

TALIESIN: Do we want to interrogate it later or no?

TRAVIS: I'm going to go look for the, um-- try and investigate and find that crystal that he used to search for the Cloven Crystal.

MATT: Okay, make an investigation check.

LAURA: I'm going to run up to Fjord and enhance his abilities to do so.

MATT: Okay, so advantage on your investigation check.


MATT: 21. Sifting through the thoroughly trashed remains of this creature. It is just a pile of chum. But you find within one of its torn satchels a small orange-ish crystal. It looks cloudy towards the base and then comes to more of a glassy finish at one of its a jagged natural points. But that is what you recall him pulling out when he arrived.

TRAVIS: I'll scoop some like, sleety snow off of the railing of the ship. Kind of wash it off and hold it up and show Caleb. This is what they used. I don't know if you can divine anything from it to use it, but.

LIAM: Probably so, yeah.

TALIESIN: Got a lot of things for you to look at.

LIAM: You picked up some toys down below as well? Can I take a look at those?

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'll take out the rapier and the dagger and lay them on the deck.

MATT: Interesting point. When you pulled the rapier forth, you recall when Avantika was wielding it and striking you it had that twisted, tentacle-like design along the central blade, and there was a really intricate, barnacle-encrusted handle to it. When you pull it from the bag, it's just a plain rapier.

TRAVIS: This looks different than it did before.

LIAM: King's blessing.

TRAVIS: Maybe there's a way to activate it or unlock it, or maybe it's bereft of all the power.

TRAVIS: I think the power was inside her all along. (laughter)

TRAVIS: That's very positive of you, Caduceus.

LIAM: Probably the blessing of your former master.


LIAM: Rotten down into it.

TRAVIS: I'm assuming that because, while it was hidden in your necklace, it wasn't necessarily off or out of this plane, they were able to locate it. The Bag of Holding is another plane, a pocket dimension, right?

LIAM: Yeah, we should probably think of a more-- that's the short term solution, yeah? But we should think of a long-term, like perhaps visiting Yussa when we have free time. When do we have free time? And perhaps deposit within the Heirloom Sphere.

TRAVIS: There's another idea. Yasha?


TRAVIS: Would you take a swing at this fucking orb and see what happens?

ASHLEY: It would be my pleasure.

TALIESIN: Do you have the power to do that right now?

MARISHA: She was able to smash that bowl back in the day.

LIAM: Everybody back up a few steps.

SAM: Magician's Judge.

TRAVIS: I had wanted to hold onto this because it's always better to hold the last key than to open up the possibilities of it being reformed or remade and then out of our control. But this is the second time that you all have been put in danger and we don't seem to be on a-- I don't know, it just seems like a better equation if it's out of it.

SAM: Sure.

TALIESIN: I'm going to Bless you before you do this.

LIAM: See what happens, if it's possible. What it means.

ASHLEY: Okay, that's an extra d4.


ASHLEY: Okay. Which one do I do?

MATT: So are you striking the Cloven Crystal?


MATT: With...?

ASHLEY: With Magician's Judge.

MATT: All right, do you set it in the center of the deck here on the top of the ship or you could do it below decks? What do you do?

LAURA: We should do it below deck, probably. So it doesn't bounce away and fall into the water.

TRAVIS: Actually, are there any of those floating glaciers outside of the ship?

MATT: The ship has been slowly moving. You glance over, it's a little sporadic but there are a handful of floating ice sheets.

TALIESIN: It may get away if it's on the ocean.

TRAVIS: I just don't want it to explode and ruin the ship.

TALIESIN: I think maybe we wait.

LIAM: I have to remind us of one very important detail, too.

MARISHA: I walk around and I start picking up all the fireworks.

LIAM: That's it, the deck is covered in-- (laughter) two shopping carts worth of fireworks.

MATT: I was waiting for one errant Fireball.

LIAM: Oh, I was aware the whole time. Well aware the entire time.

TRAVIS: All I could think of were horcruxes and those things never go quietly.

MARISHA: You just see Beau passing in the background just with a tender's amount of--

LIAM: If things had really gone south I was just going to use a fire cantrip and be like-- (whooshes) (fireworks noises)

ASHLEY: You know, I've remembered why. I think we used Dispel Magic with Magician's Judge with that bowl.

LAURA: You did.


LIAM: Yeah.

LAURA: Let's try it again.

ASHLEY: Yeah, let's try it again.

LIAM: Wait, hold on one moment.

MATT: Yeah?

LIAM: Everybody except for Yasha gather around me. And I'm going to pull out a small glass bead and roll it in my hand three or four, five times, and then pull my hands apart and the bead floats between my hands and then shatters and a seemingly glass shimmering sphere forms that goes in 10 feet in every direction around me.

MATT: And this is...?

LIAM: This is Globe of Invulnerability.

MATT: Globe of Invulnerability?

LIAM: Yeah. So just, I don't know if this is anything, but come closer, please. As you were, Yasha.

MARISHA: Stick my foot out and scoop another firework into it. There we go, we're good.


LIAM: Explorers.

ASHLEY: Here we go, big money.

TALIESIN: Plus the d4.

ASHLEY: Yeah, okay.

ASHLEY: That would be 23.

MATT: 23, okay. As you all watch, Yasha takes a breath, holds the blade in front of her, and with expected, but still incredible speed and might she arcs down with a giant scream and as it hits, there is a flash and spark. And there the blade sits atop an untouched orb that has been pushed about a half an inch into the wood.


MATT: And as she pulls the blade back, it appears to be unscathed.


TALIESIN: Some things just can't be undone.


LAURA: We have to find a way to destroy it though. There's got to be a way.

TRAVIS: Or lock it away as Caleb suggested. I mean, we can always try and hit it harder, but you hit it pretty fucking hard.

TALIESIN: I think the ball is the-- it's the right plan.

SAM: We also have Vess DeRogna to seal it away or hide it or something.

TRAVIS: I don't really trust her with something this--


SAM: All right, all right.

TALIESIN: Keep it in the bag for now.

TRAVIS: I'll put it back in the Bag of Holding. Thank you, Yasha.

ASHLEY: I gave it a good try.

TALIESIN: Put it in the ball when it's time, throw it into the Astral Sea.

TRAVIS: I'm sorry this is the second time this has happened. I need to close the chapter on a few things before it endangers us a third time. Not sure how or when, but I'll try.

MARISHA: I have a feeling an opportunity will present itself.

LIAM: Yeah, now we know. For now, put it in that bag. That should do for now. Short term, short term.

TRAVIS: In the beginning, when she came over the deck she wasn't even focused on the Cloven Crystal. She was trying to pull me. I would love to think that was just the personal side of her trying to get vengeance or payback. I just can't put myself in a Bag of Holding.

LAURA: Do you think Uk'otoa will come after you?

TRAVIS: It certainly feels that way. We'll think about it another time. We have things we need to do. And perhaps that we can make Vess DeRogna aware of, just that there are outside parties looking and we'll try to be more careful.

SAM: Odds are good that Uk'otoa won't come, like, today, probably.

LAURA: He's still sealed away. He has to have people doing things for him and you killed his, like, top henchman.

TRAVIS: We've done it once before. There was not a second attempt the first time. So I would assume we have some time.

LIAM: In the meantime, if you want, you can have this. Caleb holds up the medallion that he wore for so long.


TRAVIS: Oh, is that the no-scrying--?

SAM: Yeah.

LIAM: Correct.

TRAVIS: N-- no. You--

LIAM: I haven't been wearing it for weeks.


MARISHA: We're traveling with Vess DeRogna.

LAURA: The Assembly knows where he is.

LIAM: It's time to put it away. It's been extraneous for a very long time. If they wanted to kill me, they could have looked for one of you. The moment that I decided to hitch my wagon to the Mighty Nein, this became obsolete. But, not so for your scaly friend, perhaps.

MARISHA: He's right.

TALIESIN: It's a good idea.

LIAM: Think about it. And I throw it.

TRAVIS: I catch it. I'll take it.

SAM: He misses, it falls over the deck.

MARISHA: Oh, shit!

LIAM: I turn into a squid.

TRAVIS: I know how much this meant to you. It was basically a part of you. Feels strange to have changed places with you in some small way.

LIAM: I resented it as well. So be careful.

TRAVIS: I'll put it on.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Do I need to attune to it?

LIAM: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

LIAM: That's the thing.

TALIESIN: Oh that, oh yep, water on, hold on. I'm going to run and go get the kettle.

SAM: Oh, the tea.

LAURA: The tea.

MATT: Okay, as you head down to bring in to prepare tea you can see us sitting at a table beneath the decks, currently enjoying a cup of tea already prepared for herself is Lady Vess DeRogna.

TALIESIN: I had special stuff, but I'm glad you got into that already.

MATT: "Oh, my apologies. Am I to hear that you've already had quite an adventure?"

TALIESIN: That is a long conversation, but yeah. It seems to have turned out all right.

MATT: "That is why I hired you."

TALIESIN: We come with some baggage on occasion.

MATT: "Don't we all?"

TALIESIN: We handled it.

MATT: "Don't we all?" And she gets up and takes the tea cup for herself and gives a nod and walks back to her chambers.

TALIESIN: You see what we're drinking later and you want some, just let-- oh, you're fine, okay. I'm going to run up and give everyone hot water cups. I was going to save this for later, I have more, but I figured we're celebrating. This was a good day, technically. I pull out these little dark brown, muddied-looking stones that are speckled with color. And I pop one in everybody's hot water cup and they begin to dissolve and tiny little marshmallows pop out. (gasping) It's hot chocolate. When we went to get some, I just had to buy it.

TRAVIS: Hot chocolate bombs?

TALIESIN: I've got a bunch of them. I spent a gold on this stuff. I got some tea, too, but I was like.

LAURA: Caduceus, this is the most amazing thing you've ever done.

TALIESIN: Only when we do really good stuff, okay?

ASHLEY: It changes, it keeps going and then all the marshmallows came.

TALIESIN: Yeah, there's a bunch of different flavors. I got a variety pack.

ASHLEY: It's delicious!

LAURA: Let's fight Avantika every day! (laughter)

TALIESIN: Oh, let's not, but yeah.

MARISHA: Because I have too many incenses, it's a celebration. I go to the bow of the ship and pop up a few. (laughter)

MATT: (small explosions)

MARISHA: And I light them. Just have a little cruise ship and hot chocolate.

MATT: As you guys look over-- and because while the storm itself has somewhat lessened, it's less majestic fireworks, more like muffled bursts and flashes of color in the above clouds and fog. But it is still very beautiful.

LAURA: I just focus steam up.

LIAM: While you're shooting them off, too, Caleb's got his hot chocolate just on one finger. And he's just reliving his C-Rex moment going like-- (laughter)

MATT: Enjoying your day of celebration. You continue for the rest of the day's travel without issue. Let's see how we can do for the rest of this journey. Are you still rolling a d10?

TRAVIS: I'm not rolling those anymore.

LIAM: Come on, Cap'n. Yeah, you are, we're on the open sea.

TRAVIS: Can't roll a one again, right?

LAURA: If you roll a one again, does that mean we have to fight Avantika again?

MATT: You'll find out what happens if you roll the same number.

LIAM: Now one is Dashilla.

TRAVIS: (laughing) Dashilla.

MATT: It's just the ocean rogues gallery, just coming back.

TRAVIS: Listen, motherfucker. If you want to be the only d10 in this tray, don't fuck me. Seven.

LIAM: Lucky seven.

MATT: The next day is a fair day's travel. Without issue, you progress onward un-attacked by terrifying entities from beneath the waves. With only five days left of your journey, go ahead and roll for the next day.

MARISHA: Five days left.

TRAVIS: Three.

LIAM: A three hour tour.

MATT: Three, clear weather and exuberant crew make for rapid time minus one day to your journey. So you actually make two days of travel on that journey.

MARISHA: Make up some time.

MATT: Make up a little bit of time.


LAURA: Great.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: I'll attune to the amulet and I'll take off the... ring of fire resistance.


SAM: That you just bought?

TRAVIS: Yeah, priorities.

TALIESIN: I'm proud of you.

SAM: Well, we'll switch them up when we get to land.

MATT: Does your Mariner's armor require attunement?

TRAVIS: It does not. I have a cloak of protection, the ring of fire resistance, and the Star Razor.

MATT: Fair enough. Yeah, that does it. So three more days of travel. If anyone else wants to accomplish anything before--

SAM: I'm going to try to sweet talk some of the crew into giving me-- are there cannons on the ship or is it just the ballista?

MATT: It's just the ballista. There are no cannons.

SAM: Damn. Forget it.

MATT: Fair enough.

LAURA: I'm going to spend one of those days scrying on Molly again.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Oh, I'm finishing out any-- I can't remember if I did or not-- all my spell scroll homework.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: So absorbed two spells in this.

MATT: You have enough time to do that without issue, yeah.

LAURA: (laughs) Oh my god.

MATT: As you attempt--

LAURA: I just remembered Sprinkle was in my hood the whole time. (laughter)

TALIESIN: I feel like Sprinkle was back in the boat the whole time.

LAURA: Can we say he was on the boat?

TALIESIN: I think so.

LIAM: Maybe at the last second, you just hucked him back on deck.

MARISHA: That water is two degrees celsius.

TRAVIS: To be fair, Underwater Breathing can be on up to 10 people, so.

LAURA: No, he would die from the cold.

LIAM: I mean, Otter Pops are really good.

LAURA: Oh my god.

TRAVIS: (high-pitched Sprinkle voice) Let it be now.

MATT: Let's say for the purposes of the narrative, Sprinkle, not being a fan of the cold ocean, leapt from your shoulders before you leapt overboard.

LAURA: I like it.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: (Sprinkle voice) Never return. (laughter)

MATT: In concentrating, in sitting below decks, setting up your ritual to reach out to the whereabouts of Mollymauk and focusing, the Traveler comes, Artagan, taking your hands.

LAURA: Sprinkle sitting in the corner, going, "Fuck you." (laughter)

MATT: You're just like, "Uh." You focus for a moment and the path is cloudy. After a few seconds further pushing there is resistance and the Traveler whispers in your ear, "Terribly sorry, dear. It seems that he's a bit slippery today."

LAURA: Oh no. Do you think he's onto us?

MATT: "I couldn't tell you that, but do know the divination does not always succeed. Magic is imperfect at distances, but perhaps another day."

LAURA: All right.

MATT: Okay. So, roll for the next day, Captain, or somebody else, if you'd like to.

LAURA: Always Captain. Do it, Captain.

TALIESIN: Captain always.

SAM: Tusktooth.

TRAVIS: You fucker. Six.

MATT: Six. As you guys continue on in this day, one of the individuals off the side of the ship begins to call, "Oh Cap'n! Cap'n, there's something in the water!" And they all look over. "All right, man the ballista. Something's following."

SAM: Ah, shit.

TRAVIS: Something's following?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: I'll run up to the stern of the ship.

MATT: You glance over and you can see they're pointing off to the side. Maybe about 60 or so feet in the water, there is something large, about 10 feet below the surface that is just swimming alongside. It's causing a slight bow in the water surface, and there is a bit of a trail behind it, left in its wake.

TRAVIS: Couldn't be. Caduceus!


TRAVIS: Come take a look, please.

TALIESIN: Well, that's weird.

TRAVIS: What do you think that is?

TALIESIN: Some sort of weird rise in the water.

MATT: Yes, no, I gathered as much. What do you think is causing it?

TALIESIN: ("I don't know" sound) (laughter)

MATT: Do you want to roll a perception check?

TALIESIN: Sure. Give myself advantage because, you know, I can. I'm taking my time.

TRAVIS: (chuckles) "Taking my time."

TALIESIN: That's terrible. 18.

MATT: 18?

TALIESIN: 18's terrible for me.

MATT: It's not hiding itself. You can't make out all the details of it, but you can see a dull gray mass that is swimming in pace with the ship. You can make out some of the shape. Make a nature check for me.

TALIESIN: Ooh, this'll go poorly. 14.

MATT: 14. You have no idea what the hell this thing is.

TALIESIN: It's just pacing us? It doesn't seem to be--

MATT: At the moment, yeah.

TALIESIN: All right, just keep an eye on it, I guess.

MATT: You can see they're shifting the ballista over to that side of the ship and they're starting to get it mounted up and ready to fire.

TRAVIS: Captain, if I could ask, is it your intention to fire while being unprovoked? Or only if it attacks?

MATT: "Rightly so, we're going to go ahead and make sure it does not make any aggressive actions without retaliation. We're just keeping an eye."

TRAVIS: Fair enough.

LAURA: How big of a-- is it?

MATT: From what you can tell, it's probably about 15 to 20 feet from side to side and close to 50 to 60 feet front to back.

TRAVIS: Oh my god, what is that?

LAURA: Can I call out to it?

LIAM: Whale.

MATT: Sure, what do you say?

LAURA: Oy! Why are you following us?

TALIESIN: I can do it. It'll actually-- Hey, do you need anything? Are you all right? It can understand me, so I figured--

MATT: As you shout, make a persuasion check.

TRAVIS: (rapid impacts) (groans)


MATT: 13, okay. It begins to breach the surface. And as you see the upper part of its body, the dull gray coloration is actually a thick scaled hide over a humped shoulder that you can see these heavy flippers that push through. In fact, there are multiple sets: three sets, six total, large flippers that start large at the back and slowly descend in size to the base. This almost Plesiosaur-type neck and head begins to emerge from the top. You have not seen a creature like this before. You can roll a nature check, if you'd like.

LAURA: Okay! Ooh, a 19. I've seen something like this in my storybooks.

MATT: This is a cetus.

LAURA: It's a cetus!

MATT: They are an extremely rare sea creature that-- it's rare to the point where it's largely used as a myth to scare sailors, to warn people of territorial beasts that live in the furthest-off parts of the ocean. They are territorial, and this one appears to have some sort of an albino coloration to it, as its eyes are a bright pink red, and as its head emerges and looks up in your direction, you can see it glances up at you with a hint of intelligence, though you're uncertain of its intent.

TALIESIN: Do we have anybody who can talk? We're going to see if you need anything. We're going to try and figure out if we can understand you, give us a second.

LAURA: Do I remember in my storybooks what it likes to eat or anything?

MATT: You're not terribly certain. Unfortunately, with that roll, you're not able to pick up the specific details of a creature like this' lifestyle. You just know what it is. It's rare enough to the point where you'd have to roll higher to learn that information.

LIAM: Caleb is going to pull out his raven's feather and cast Fly and fly out maybe 40 or 50 feet above the water.

MATT: Okay. The head traces you as you get close. You hear this dull rumbling gurgle that sounds like a growl.

LIAM: I'm going to attempt to--

MATT: (growls)

LIAM: -- Polymorph myself into it.

MATT: Okay. Okay, above it?

LIAM: No. No, no, no. Space so that I could swan dive maybe 50 feet away from it. I'm not trying to body slam it.

MATT: So you Polymorph into it. Much like the whales in "Hitchhiker's Guide," you just plummet from the air for a second before (splashing) Not quite as horrible an impact as in "Hitchhiker's," but you hit the water and watch as the creature about face suddenly, and turns the head.

TALIESIN: So we can talk, hold on.

LIAM: I start to flirt, visually flirt.

MATT: Okay, its first action is defensive.

TRAVIS: Territorial.

MATT: Go ahead and make a persuasion check.

LIAM: Okay, I'm going to try to just roll over in the water.

MATT: Correct. The charisma bonus on this as a plus one.

TRAVIS: Do you show your belly?

LIAM: Ja. Like Sprigg. I don't know what the bonus would be, but I rolled a 10.

MATT: Okay, okay. A 10 will not incite aggressive action. It is no longer chasing the boat, but it is looking towards you and keeping a distance and is now in the process of gauging what you are here to do. Roll a d20 and add two for your perception check with it.

LIAM: 20, dirty 20.

MATT: With that, you notice below the water, near it, two smaller forms, similar coloration, but no more than maybe 10 feet across, 25 foot in length. You get the sense that this is a mother.

LIAM: So I'm not going to get any closer. I'm going to stay the same distance away but I'm going to try to swim playfully around the family. Absolutely the indication is that I'm being silly as a creature with them.

MATT: All right. The mother appears untrusting, but is not taking it as an aggressive action. Interesting point, between your physicality and the physicality of this creature: it appears more sallow than you.

LIAM: Sallow? Oh, okay.

MATT: Thin, gaunt.

LAURA: Oh, it's hungry.

MATT: And based on the proximity to the ship and the arrangement of this pod you gather their interest with the large, moving barge of a ship that you are currently riding on is because they're looking for food.

LIAM: Okay.

ASHLEY: Can I kick off any bit of the mage body into the water? Did we already do that?

MATT: They didn't leave it on there for three days.

ASHLEY: Oh, that's right, it's been three days.

MATT: Like, "That'll come in handy later." Yeah, that's already been thrown in underwater.


MATT: And for that purpose the only person that knows of this creature's current intent would be Caleb. So you would have to convey that to the party. You guys right now are just watching as the ship is making more distance between you and the creature and Caleb. Just hoping that this doesn't go poorly.

LIAM: So if I'm in this thing's form am I able to communicate, then?

MATT: You can certainly try.

LIAM: So I'm going to try to say: Hungry? Hungry? Hungry? Hungry?

MATT: It responds with a series of clicking and deep gurgling, rattling sounds from within its throat and you interpret it to mean, "Yes, but why do you help?"

LIAM: I will roll a couple flips in the water and smile as this creature's version of smiling and try to say "wait" through gurgle. (gurgling)

MATT: Its head cocks to one side, the children now emerge for air. They're going to come up.

LAURA: Babies!

MATT: And the mother takes one of the heavy flippers in the front and pushes them to the back to keep them protected. And just head cocks to the side again once more. She's waiting.

LIAM: So I'll crest to the surface and (splashing) My head comes up and I swivel around and look for the big pink cow guy that I kind of remember and know.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: I will gurgle at Caduceus and try to communicate.

TALIESIN: I can't understand.

LIAM: Hungry.

TALIESIN: I don't know what you're-- You can understand me, but I-- Can you mime it?

LIAM: (gurgling) (munching)

TALIESIN: Oh, food?

LIAM: (gurgling)

TALIESIN: What do you eat?

LIAM: Back to the family.

TRAVIS: They hungry?

TALIESIN: I think.

TRAVIS: I suppose I could summon a greater demon for them to chew on.

SAM: You'd have to kill it first, right?

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Well, no. I mean, the barlgura doesn't really swim. I mean, yeah, they'd have to kill it first, yes. But just drop it in the water.

MATT: You do recall from previous experiences in which demons you've killed and/or summoned died, their bodies quickly turned to an ashy sludge and were burned away.

TRAVIS: Yeah, but we could swim away in that time. (laughter)

SAM: We did buy a bunch of fancy rations for ourselves. We've probably eaten half of them, but we could just dump the rest.

LAURA: We can Create Food and Water for ourselves and give them the tasty stuff we bought.

SAM: We bought mostly fish, I think.

LAURA: Yeah. I'm going to grab some of my fish.

TALIESIN: Would you know what you want to eat anyway?

SAM: Yeah, let's toss some fish. Ooh! Why don't just paint--

LAURA: (gasps) The pastries!

SAM: Oh, I was going to say paint a giant fish.

TALIESIN: I don't know if that'll survive the water.


TALIESIN: I think if they got wet, they're no longer pastries.

LAURA: Well, I'm going to try to throw it so they'll catch it.

TALIESIN: They're not going to--

LAURA: Like ducks at the lake.

SAM: They don't eat bread.

TALIESIN: Ducks actually shouldn't eat bread, that's bad for-- oh.

LIAM: The Caleb cetus is, like, 1950s synchronized swimmer just swimming back and forth between the ship and this family. Just to keep things light and friendly.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Not good for ducks.

SAM: There's nothing that calms a nervous mother like an erratic man.

LIAM: Not right on top of it. I'm 70 or 80 feet away from it.

TRAVIS: I want to play with your kids.

MATT: You throw some of these pastries into the water and they impact the icy surface. You watch as the two children slowly begin to pull away from the mother who allows them to and they snap them from underneath.

LAURA: And some fish. Some of my fish that I bought.

TALIESIN: Try a couple fish first. Don't know if they eat the-- okay.

MATT: They go right for the fish, and the mother seems to react to the introduction of fish to this arrangement, begins to shift over in the direction. The boat has slowed down at this point, as the captain's seeing what you're doing.

LAURA: They like fish!

SAM: Let's dump all of our food.

MATT: It will take pretty much all of your rations to try and feed this family--

SAM: Do it.

MATT: -- because they are big creatures. But you will be out of food for the rest of this journey.

TRAVIS: Okay, we'll lure them in and then we'll eat them.

LIAM: I have my boba within my form right now.

ASHLEY: Can we summon any fishies or anything?

LAURA: I don't have Create Food today.

TALIESIN: No, we would have to eat today, but I could have it tomorrow. It does burn a-- one of us will burn a spell slot. That's okay.

LAURA: Is there anything else they want? I really like them.

TALIESIN: I think most of our food is--

MATT: The crew's not going to give up their food.

LAURA: I'm going to hold out a fish. And I want it to take it from my hand so I can pet it.

MATT: Okay. Actually, the children would be too small. But make a persuasion check for the mother. Actually no, make this animal handling, this is what this'll be.

TALIESIN: Even better.

TRAVIS: Remember the dinosaur movie, "Baby" from the 80s?

LAURA: Ooh! 21!

MATT: As the children are now below making these strange (trilling) sounds the mother swims up alongside the slow ship. The head rises up and comes eye line with you. And the head is about seven to 10 feet from edge to edge. The eyes are bulbous at the top just based on the proximity and the perspective that you have as a much smaller creature. And as it comes up, suddenly these two slits in the front of the nose. (inhales sharply) Sniff towards the fish. And as it does, you feel your hair. (exhales sharply) Towards it. You hold the fish out. The mouth opens and you can see rows and rows and rows of jagged, sharp teeth.

LAURA: Why aren't you getting enough food right now?

MATT: Lets you pet the nose a bit. Do you give the fish?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: You throw the fish and it touches the tongue. As soon as it does the jaw slams shut in a way that causes the air to (whooshes) blow your hair the other direction for a second. And you're like, okay, glad you didn't pet that creature's tongue. It accepts it. It seems disappointed with the volume of what it was fed, but it accepted it.

LAURA: Oh man.

MATT: What do you do?

TALIESIN: Well, it's what we got.

SAM: Bye.

TALIESIN: We appreciate you letting us pass through there.

MATT: So you're going to keep your food and keep going.

SAM: No, we should dump. I want to dump all of our rations.

LAURA: We'll do create food and water for ourselves.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: So giving up all the purchased rations right?

MATT: To feed these, it will take all of your rations. You'll be left with only the ability to feed yourselves. You will not eat for the remainder of the day and you will have to subsist on spells for the next length of the journey. You're okay with that?

LIAM: And boba, I got boba.

MATT: You got boba, okay.

MARISHA: It's fine.

MATT: All right. The crew stands at first aghast, though a few of them seem to be like, "This is adorable, but stupid non-sailors." Watch you shovel all of your fine purchased food from Palebank Village into the mouth of this mother and into the ocean around for the children to eat until you are out of your reserves, but seemingly sated and appreciative the creatures eventually peel off and then move to the front of the ship. And the Captain, after a while, is like, "Are they wanting us to follow them?"

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: I think so.

MATT: "I suppose, I guess so." So in following the creatures, it leads them through some of the tougher ice fields and cuts a day off the journey.


SAM: Nice.

MATT: Which brings it to one more day. Roll for the final roll.

SAM: ♪ One more day! ♪

MATT: As you wake up the following morning, they have left, but you've made some time back on the trip.

LAURA: They'll come back, they like us a lot.

TALIESIN: Do you want Create Food and Water, or should I take Create Food and Water?

TRAVIS: Eight.

MATT: Eight? You hit the ice channel that they were trying to help you avoid. It does slow you for one further day, but only one more day. So make one more roll.

SAM: ♪ One more day ♪

LAURA: (laughing) One more.

LIAM: ♪ Another roll another ♪

SAM: ♪ Destiny. ♪ Eight.

MARISHA: What is it?

TRAVIS: It's a 10.

MATT: A 10?

SAM: That's good.

TRAVIS: The extremes are not good.

MATT: A strong, chilled wind and ocean flow pushes in your favor. Two days of the journey are taken away from it. So with smooth sailing, you actually, in half a day's travel--

SAM: ♪ Half a day ♪

MATT: -- watch as the ice fog begins to pull away. And one of the members of the crew at the front goes, "Captain! Land ho!" The bell goes off. (bell ringing) You all begin to gather at the front of the ship. You can see the icy coastline in the dark, clouded midday fog as it peels away, your vision being able to see not just the edge of the water in front of you, that has dragged you along this journey for the better part of two weeks, but you can see dozens of orange, glowing dots that signify the torchlight in the windows of the ramshackle fort that greets you, known as Balenpost. 10-foot walls of frozen logs form around the perimeter, while a small gate marking the seaside entrance sits there, where a small set of docks await the arrival of your massive ship. Nearing the end of the waters, you feel the entire boat lurch. (impacting) as it makes an impact with the ice wall cliff and begins to nestle itself against the dockside. The crew begins to gather their supplies as anchors are dropped. And as you look over the edge, you can see the somewhat threadbare crew that mans this side begins to swell. As you glance up and Vess DeRogna stands there on the deck and she's doing this with their fingers. And as you glance directly above her, you can see a conjured illusion of the green tri-diamonds that marks the symbol of the Cerberus Assembly. And that's where we're going to go ahead and end today's episode.

MARISHA: All right.

MATT: We'll pick up next week, with the arrival at Balenpost and your true arrival at Eiselcross.

TRAVIS: We made it, no problem.

TALIESIN: We got cool toys, too. We haven't even done object identifying anything fancy.

LIAM: Yeah, I forgot about that.

MATT: That's true.

LIAM: Candy corn on a string.

MATT: (chuckling)


MATT: All righty.

TALIESIN: Hey Travis, you're not dead.

LIAM: Wait, I would've done that. I absolutely would've done that. What's the candy corn?

MATT: The candy corn meaning the--?

LIAM: The crystal, the orange crystal.

TALIESIN: The crystal and the dagger.

TRAVIS: Oh, that the mage had?

MATT: Right.

LIAM: Hundred percent would have done that.

MATT: So the orange crystal is a rough divining stone. It is affixed to a specific object, but it has to be of the essence of the creator. Meaning you can't use it to find anything. It's generally used to discover things that once belonged to the owner. It's not a specific spell that is, like, crafted. This is older and more primal, if that makes any sense. And then enchantment is oddly vague, but it makes sense given the more primal and ancient force that perhaps gifted this to the entity that clutched it, where you met on the deck of the ship.

LIAM: And I deduce that it was attuned to in an effort to find the Cloven Crystal.

MATT: Correct, and was attuned to the crystal.

LIAM: Yeah. Cool, cool, cool.

MATT: I will say, because of your intelligence, you do discern-- You know what, actually, roll an investigation check for me.

TRAVIS: Uh-huh.


LIAM: Investigation, you say? 27.

MATT: You deduce, based on the arrival, the crystal, and how easily you've traveled on land, in parts of land, without this sort of influence, this is attuned specifically to the Cloven Crystal and only seems to have an effect when its proximity is near large bodies of water. And you deduce that, seemingly, their focus is more on the crystal and the ability to follow the crystal, than to follow Fjord.

SAM: Pretty cool.

MATT: Did you say you wanted to look up what the dagger was as well?

LIAM: Well, yeah. I would have looked at those, even though you said that the runes or the filigree or whatever had disappeared, I would still go though the effort.

MATT: The rapier is just a rapier. Whatever enchantment there was not within the actual object, but instead was a boon granted from an outside force that transformed the rapier while in the hands of its wielder. Not unlike the falchion that was once wielded by Fjord. The dagger, however, retains its enchantment, and is a nasty, wicked-looking thing. You identify that.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: That is referred to as--

ASHLEY: (whispered) Dagger, dagger, dagger.

MATT: There you go. Where did I put the sheet? Here. There it is. Wait, no, that's not it. Damn it, I'm sorry. Just a moment.

LIAM: I cast Banish on it and--

LAURA: I have another question.

TALIESIN: If I recall, Whisper was found on a ship. Anyway.

MATT: I can't find the object itself right now, but I can look it up right now in D&D Beyond on my homebrew collection.

TALIESIN: I believe Whisper was once found on a sunken ship or someone sank a ship getting it.

MATT: It's called the Corecut Dagger

LIAM: Corecut. And it is within your D&D Beyond, if you want to look up the specifics of it. It is a dark metal blade that is wicked and hooked curve that is cold to the touch. Has a plus one bonus to attack and damage rolls. And when you hit with an attack made with the weapon while attuned, you can expend a hit die to deal an additional 3d6 necrotic damage.

LIAM: How do you spell corecut?


MATT: Corecut, yeah.

TALIESIN: Oh, found it.

LAURA: That's cool.

TRAVIS: 3d6 is no joke.

MATT: But you have to spend a hit dice to do that ability each time.

LIAM: Oh, interesting. Wow.

TALIESIN: (whistles) Mean.

MATT: So those items are at your disposal and we'll pick up as you arrive here at Balenpost.

SAM: Exciting.

MATT: Next week. Thank you all so much for joining us--

SAM: Boomerang!

MATT: Have a wonderful week. We love you very much. And is it Thursday yet? Good night! (cheering)