Masquerade/Transcript

Pre-Show
MATT: Welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. For our 99th episode, which is crazy, that's absolute batshit. Makes next week the 100th, which is crazy, even more crazy, and we'll be more crazy. TRAVIS: You did the math wrong there. Oh no, that's right. MATT: Yeah, that's right. Yeah, intelligence six. Anyway, guys, welcome! We have an awesome guest. Tonight Jon Heder will be joining us-- (cheering) ASHLEY: Who is it? Who is it? MATT: -- at the point in the narrative in which his character will arrive. But, before then, let's go ahead and get to our announcements for the evening. First and foremost, we have a new merch item, I believe. LAURA: Yes, we do! MATT: Laura, if you want to introduce it and possibly-- LAURA: Oh, well I know some of you have been wanting to hear more about Scanlan, and we thought it would be great to release a concert tee of his. Wait, turn around, because it's even better on the back. (cheering) LAURA: And if you notice, he's got a few canceled appearances there at the end because-- SAM: Because he died.

TRAVIS: Because he's a traitorous bitch. LAURA: Yeah, and it's pretty cool, so there's that. And that's in the store right now! Go check it out. MARISHA: Oh my god, right now. TRAVIS: Enter the Meat Man. SAM: If we can't have Scanlan, at least we've got the shirt. LAURA: That's right. That's right. LIAM: And good memories. (laughter) LAURA: Maybe, maybe we'll see Scanlan in concert sometime. MARISHA: And we'll be like, "We used to hang out with him before he was famous." LAURA: Yeah, before he was famous. Marisha, you've got a little food in your mouth. Under your lip. You got it. SAM: Announcements continue! MATT: Yes, so anyway, other things. The campaign guide, the Tal'Dorei campaign guide, info is up on the Green Ronin website. If you're looking for it, they have dates of release, price points, and where you can find it and when. So if you go to the Green Ronin website, Google search for Green Ronin, they have a section there for the front page that has all the updates, or you can look at @GreenRoninPub on twitter. They have the updates there as well. I also retweeted it on my twitter so you can find it there. But that should answer your questions. We’ve got a bunch today. Also, tomorrow and Saturday, up in Seattle, the actual folks at Dungeons & Dragons are doing the Stream of Annihilation, in which they're having a bunch of people from the community coming out there to play games together, mix it up, be crazy, and unveil their new story setting which I'm really excited for you guys to find out about. But as part of that, Marisha, Taliesin, Liam, and myself will be going up there and playing some games. I'll be running a game on Saturday morning with the Guts, Girls, Glory group. And that is going to be a lot of fun. So you should come watch. Find the information at the official Dungeons and Dragons twitter, and we'll look forward to seeing you guys over the next couple of days up there as well. LAURA: I'll be in Las Vegas this weekend for-- LIAM: Gambling? LAURA: No, for Gears of War event. ALL: Ooh! LAURA: So if you guys play Gears of War competitively, come out and fight and then see me while I'm there. TRAVIS: Are you going to play competitive Gears of War? LAURA: No, but I'm going to cheer people on, though, real good. (laughter) MATT: Well, cool, awesome! Also, next weekend, not this, but the weekend after that, I'll be at A-Kon June 8-11 in Fort Worth, Texas. TRAVIS: I went to college there. MATT: Yeah, Travis went to college there. MATT: Also, wanted you guys to know that there is a charity banquet event happening at the event, which is going to be a two- to three-hour dinner meal provided. Hang out. I'll be a part of that. You can come actually talk to me in person. Somewhere in the few guaranteed ways I'll have an opportunity to interface with people, so you don't have to wait in line for it necessarily. It's an add-on to your con ticket, and if you're there, the proceeds of that ticket all go to the Texas Scottish Rite Hospital. So it's a cool event, happy to support an awesome charity, and hopefully get to see some of you guys there. Wednesday Club, Taliesin, what you got coming up? TALIESIN: We're talking about the Young Avengers this next week. We just finished Wonder Woman; it was a great time. We wore tiaras and capes and talked. MARISHA: Did you really? TALIESIN: Matt wore the cape and I wore the tiara. It was really good. SAM: The Young Avengers? TALIESIN: We're going to be talking about the young Avengers which are-- SAM: Kid Hulk, Kid Iron Man. TALIESIN: You are-- Hulkling. And Iron Lad. But we're going to be talking about the teenage superheroes of the Marvel U, specifically the ones that take the Avengers name, and they're really fun and the modern take on them is really going to be influencing a lot of the stuff that ends up on TV and it's going to be a lot of fun. They're some of my favorite books; they're badass. MATT: Awesome, thank you, Taliesin. Check out Wednesday Club. And of course we have Talks Machina live on Tuesday next week, about this episode you see tonight, at 7PM Pacific Time here on Twitch and Alpha, hosted by our fantastic Brian Wayne Foster. ALL: Brian Wayne Foster. MATT: Yes, so check it out, then. LAURA: I've got one. MATT: What you got? LAURA: I didn't put it on the list. MATT: No, you didn't. LAURA: But it's a present for Liam O'Brien.

(cheering) LAURA: I didn't get to give him his birthday present last week, and now I do get to. LIAM: (shrieks) MARISHA: I just remembered it was your birthday. LIAM: Oh my goodness. LAURA: I wrapped it all pretty, open it up. LIAM: Okay, with a thank-you in advance and afterwards as well. LAURA: Open it up! LIAM: We'll edit this part out, right? I just meant the unwrapping. SAM: It's a ring box. TRAVIS: Please be a turd. LAURA: It's just a pile of blue poop. LIAM: Oh. Oh my god. LAURA: Did you see it? LIAM: Yes. Not big enough. It's a-- aw, man-- it's beautiful. TRAVIS: What is it? LIAM: It's a ring and it's got raven feathers on it and a little black gem. And on the inside it says, "Do not go far from me." TRAVIS: Aw! Wow, twinsies. LIAM: Thank you. LAURA: You're welcome. I don't know if it will fit you, but you know, happy birthday. SAM: Is it a genuine gold-style ring? LAURA: Did it fit? LIAM: It fit. LAURA: I guessed it! Yes! LIAM: It is beautiful. I love it so much. Perfect. Love it. That's a great birthday present. LAURA: Well, all right.

MATT: That's really awesome. Happy birthday. Both of you guys after the fact. Yay. All right, then. Unless anyone has anything else? Let's go ahead and dive into tonight's episode of Critical Role. [dramatic music]

Part I
MATT: Hello, and welcome back. So, where we last left off, Vox Machina had discovered that one of their companions, the most recent addition to the team, Taryon Darrington, had gone missing, seemingly taken by a bounty hunter who had masqueraded as a pastry chef and was retrieving him to be returned to Wildmount within the city of Deastok to the rest of the Darrington family. Upon heading him off the pass and retrieving Taryon, you all made your way to Deastok and spoke with the rest of the Taryon Darrington family and discovered, it seems, that they have gone into serious debt. There's been a long-running agreement between the Darringtons and a criminal syndicate known as the Myriad that seems to be very prominent in Wildmount. And as the years have gone by, that debt has compounded and compounded until the point where they were threatening to take everything from the Darrington family and toss them onto the street. Your father, Howaardt, told you that his plan to prevent this from happening was to marry you off to a very rich and powerful family up in the capital in the kingdom, and you decided to look for other options. You went and spoke with a gentleman named Korshad who was within a secret bar beneath the Grumpy Lily tavern where a bunch of, it seems, Myriad and other lowlives go to drink, be merry, and go about their business in a safer environment. You seemed to talk with him about a possibility of making some sort of arrangement, and an accord was made where if you went and cleansed a nearby platinum mine of Herethis, that had seemingly been overrun with some sort of awoken entity that had prevented them from mining the platinum, and are losing a lot of money-- if you were to destroy this creature or cleanse the mines of the threats to it, they would forgive some of the debt. They would still take the lands from the Darrington family, but they would leave the estate, they would leave whatever remains on that land, and would not mess with them any further, thus ending the contract and still leaving a comfortable lifestyle for the family. You agreed to this, made your way to the Herathis platinum mines, delved deep into the open sinkhole that seemed to consume a portion of its construct, and discovered what had awoken within, a strange, once-seeded celestial that had been awoken too early and too young. As such, it's weird, angelic, baby-like form had withered and twisted, and in battling the celestial, which manipulated the terrain around you, you managed to defeat it and destroy it before it could escape, gathered some of its remaining glittery ashes, if you will, and proceeded to fly up through the sinkhole as the rest of the ankheg swarm that seemed to parade through the tunnels within began to swarm up the sides and spit acid at you as you escaped out the top. Into the moonlight sky looking down below, you could see the swarm now crawling up and out of the maw of this mine, and that's where we left off. So as you've all just emerged out of the central portion of the mine, taking a deep breath as you're now suddenly out of the immediate danger, you can look down and see the dozens of large insectoid-like ankhegs now clambering up to the top on the edge, some of them seemingly shooting jets of acid too far away to make any impact, but they are intent definitely on trying to either shoo you off of their territory or hit at some sort of lucky impact. What do you guys want to do? SAM: I, Taryon Darrington, would like to call to the rest of the gang and say: Wait, before we fly away, hold. TALIESIN: Superman. SAM: Oh, okay. Thought it was some sort of power move. LAURA: How are we positioned, again? MATT: So you have the broom riders. You have Percival on your broom. You're flying with your wings. And everyone else is on the carpet. LAURA: Okay. SAM: I would like to just sort of shout to my friends. Oi, can we, just before we go, could we maybe just swoop down one more time? Just a quick flyby. I have an idea. I feel like we need just an insurance policy when we go talk to the Myriad fellow. I was wondering if Kiki here could maybe throw a spell down before we leave? Is that something? TRAVIS: You just go down by yourself, right? LAURA: Do you have any spells left? MARISHA: I do still have some spells left. It depends on what you want to do, though, and what I have prepared. SAM: Well here's a question: can you make it look like the mouth of the cave isn't there anymore? Has caved in or is covered in dirt or rocks or something? MARISHA: I can. I have a few options for that. LAURA: Why do you want that? SAM: As I said, I feel like when we talk to the Myriad fellow-- oh wait, let me fly over to you. (laughter) SAM: I feel like when we talk to the Myriad fellow, we have lost our bargaining position at this point, because we did what he asked. But if we hide the mouth of the cave from him, then we have information that he needs, like where did it go, how do you get in, that kind of thing. I was also hoping maybe dear Pike could leave some sort of a trap, again as just an insurance policy. ASHLEY: Like a glyph situation? SAM: Yes, some sort of a thing that would explode when someone comes by. But I know it's crawling with characters down there, so I don't-- should we wait? I don't know. ASHLEY: I could do such a thing. MARISHA: I can do a Hallucinatory Terrain, which I could do right now because I do have it learned. It covers a 150-foot cube, which I don't know-- How wide is the hole? MATT: Is it a 150-foot cube? That would cover pretty much the sinkhole itself. Do keep in mind the agreement was to cleanse the mine, not just of the creature but of the infestation. LAURA: Oh, we have to kill all the fuckers? MATT: Or at least enough to the point where the infestation is no longer an issue. TRAVIS: Tary, can you tinker up some Raid real quick? SAM: I cannot. Wait, we have to kill more of these fuckers? LAURA: Maybe we just get high enough that they can't get to us with the acid, and then we just fly our things down at them. LIAM: Roughly speaking, how many of those did we see when we came up? MATT: You saw probably close to a hundred. There were a few that you destroyed on the way up, or some that got wrecked. But you probably have somewhere in the neighborhood of I'd say roughly 60 to 70 that are now visibly coming up the wall. You can see in the moonlight-- you can see the walls moving. MARISHA: Well, we can if we gather them in one place. Are they attracted to anything like shiny things or movement? TRAVIS: We need bait. TALIESIN: Us. MATT: You're not sure. They seem to have been drawn by the sounds and the movement of the combat you had at the bottom of the cavern. It took them long enough for the battle you had to get down there, and now they're skittering back up the wall as you guys, with your torchlight, are making your way up towards the bank TALIESIN: I might just start shooting there if they keep coming. LIAM: T.D., do you have anything that lets you teleport us all? SAM: No. Not really. I can become invisible and fly down there. TALIESIN: Do you have any good terrain modifier something to trash them? MARISHA: So they're attracted to movement and sound. Percy, you have a very loud banging thing. TALIESIN: I do. MARISHA: If we can get them all clumped together, I can throw down a few Fireballs and Flaming Spheres and probably take a lot of them out. But I need them clumped together. TALIESIN: What do we have that's dead in the Bag of Holding right now? Let's just start throwing them down some things to eat and I'm going to start making some noise. MARISHA: Are they still on the walls? MATT: You can see a lot of them are still making their way towards the mouth of the cavern. There’s probably about 25 or so that are gathered around the outside. Some of them are spreading a little bit out, trying to get towards where you are on the edges of the hole. If you wanted to move towards the top, you might draw them towards the edge. TALIESIN: Let's fly above it and I'll take a few shots and we'll just start dropping things down. LIAM: One other idea. What if I go in as bait, make a lot of noise, and as they swarm I throw Whisper and throw it into his shoulder blades, and then on I'm piggyback. LAURA: No. What? Why? They're already at the top. LIAM: Yes, but would the Fireball, where they are, encompass them all or-- I'm just saying if they-- MARISHA: Not all of them, but I can get a lot of them. SAM: I can also throw some Fireballs. MARISHA: Yeah, we can Fireball together. LAURA: Percy and I just fly up and we start firing down. TALIESIN: I'm going to start making noise and just boom-booming. MARISHA: I point to a spot for Percy to see if I can get them to gather there, and I start readying a Fireball to launch. MATT: Okay, so the two of you fly over to that side, and you start making Bad News explosion clatter as your gargantuan firearm just (gunshot noises). TALIESIN: Yeah, some shots at them as I go. MATT: And you take one or two of them down through repeated shots as their armor cracks and breaks and you hear (dying noises). TALIESIN: We'll throw some meat down there too. LIAM: Is the noise centered on your gun, though, and not down below? LAURA: Yeah, but they'll gather in the spot to get to it. MATT: You watch as they fly above, and you can start see them shooting these jets of acid in the arc as it begins to spray through, and you mark a little bit to stay just out of that range as you continue to do so. But the noise you are making is-- you're watching them slowly cluster up beneath where you guys are. MARISHA: Okay, let me know when it looks like a good cluster. MATT: You got a pretty good cluster, you could probably get about ten in one blast. MARISHA: Yeah, let's just throw down a big ol’ Fireball. MATT: All righty. MARISHA: 20-foot radius. SAM: (sings) You shake my nerve--

TRAVIS: (sings) -- and you rattle my brain.

TRAVIS and ASHLEY: (sing) Too much love drives a man insane.

ALL: (sing) You broke my will, oh, what a thrill. Goodness gracious, great balls of fire! MATT: And with that, for the sake of brevity on this standpoint, you wait until they begin to gather into one space, and with a singular Fireball, Keyleth, you watch as (explosion) you send four of them screeching down, falling into the pit from the blast, while six of them appear to be heavily wounded or burned to a cinder and run off screaming, before collapsing and then smoldering maybe 20 feet from the pit. More swoop up to gather into that space, now that that explosion has drawn their attention as well. And you see a few stop for a second, smelling the ruin of their companions, and you see a moment there to shoot another Fireball as soon as they're gathered. (explosion) This one finishes off any of the stragglers there and heavily damages a handful of others. You watch now, over the period of time of you both shooting, you taking arrows and what's available, over the next five to six minutes or so, you guys cut down the numbers to about half what they were. And there's now just broken wreckage of ankhegs just torn open from the explosion, their chitinous armor fractured and open with the smoldering innards burning and sizzling from the impact of the fire. They start to slow their ascent as more and more of them begin to die, and you watch as they all begin to burrow back into the earth, scattering deeper into the ground. MARISHA: Hey... Vax, do you still have any of that-- LAURA: You had to think about it. (laughter)

MARISHA: A hundred episodes, yeah. Five years, a hundred episodes later. Do you still have any of that poison? That poison-- anybody have any poison? TRAVIS: I do! MARISHA: You have poison? TRAVIS: Yep! Yep, do you want some? MARISHA: Well, I was thinking-- TRAVIS: You got it. I pull out the jug and I yell, "Poison!" MATT: Splashes around inside. MARISHA: That's pretty good, Grog. TRAVIS: Did you want to drink it? MARISHA: Well, no. TRAVIS: No. It's really hardcore, if you do. MARISHA: Ah, another time. I'll raincheck you, bud. Do we still have any more orc or boar parts? TRAVIS: No, we've got an orc, like, calf, and a foot, and it looks like a skull, covered in like, pasta sauce. MARISHA: Yeah, like actual Raid. Like Raid. Like if we dip, maybe, some food in poison and throw it down there, everyone that's left will come and eventually eat it and die. LAURA: I think we have, like, 40 or 50 of them left, right? And they're burrowed, now? MATT: Some of them have burrowed and some have gotten wind of the wreckage and ruin-- LAURA: (gasps) I wonder if we could send fire into the caves where they've burrowed? LIAM: Or you've created tsunamis, as well, d'you think you could flush them out? MARISHA: I could-- I do still have my sixth-level spell, I could attempt to get to a few of their tunnels and collapse their tunnels. SAM: Can you fill the whole tunnel with water and drown them? MARISHA: I could-- SAM: Too big. Too big. LAURA: What's too big? SAM: To fill the whole tunnel with water and drown 'em? LAURA: That's a lot. TALIESIN: We can't create chemicals, can we? SAM: (laughs) Your mind. MARISHA: Hm, no, not really. I can create water, but I don't think it would be enough to flush them out. TRAVIS: I just made this poison for, like, no fucking reason? (laughter) TALIESIN: We could do shots. I'm just kidding. MARISHA: I mean, you volunteered it very quickly. TRAVIS: Are we just above the hole? MATT: You're above the hole, holding the jug-- TRAVIS: I take initiative and I take the orc leg, dunk it in the poison, toss it, then I take the last--this is the last orc piece in the bag-- MARISHA: Is that remnants of Dork, still? TRAVIS: I dunno. No, no. The ox is way gone, that poor bastard. TALIESIN: We burned through that ages ago. TRAVIS: Two little Orc parts, now poisoned and... MATT: Yeah. Two-- they're very soft. Very, like, long-cooked lamb, just dripping off the bone, you're like-- throw it off there-- LAURA: We might have some stuff in the Bag of Colding. MATT: Were they in the Bag of Colding? No. They're definitely soft. MARISHA: If I do like, a Commune with Nature, and then, because I know they're already-- MATT: Build a commune with nature? MARISHA: Commune with Nature, and I-- LIAM: Whoa. Glass houses, and all of that. MATT: I like the image of a spell that-- I just like a spell that creates a hippie commune somewhere in your fantasy world. I think it's pretty cool.

MARISHA: I thought that was Conjure Fae. MATT: True enough. Continue, what are you doing? MARISHA: Can I, because I already got a map of their tunnels. Can I then do Move Earth to, like, try and collapse? MATT: You get the sense that as burrowing creatures, collapsing the tunnels might slow them down, but they'll probably still dig their way out. TALIESIN: What are the chances I have materials for making explosives on me? MATT: I mean, enough to maybe, like-- TALIESIN: No, but like just the materials, not the time to make them, but just the materials. Because one of the materials in making TNT is diatomaceous earth. And if its micronized diatomaceous earth, that means it's actually an insecticide. TRAVIS: Fucking Taliesin Jaffe. What are you talking about? TALIESIN: Specifically for hard-shell insects. ASHLEY: I have an idea! I have an idea. SAM: Pike has an idea! MATT: You wouldn't have anywhere near enough to do what you're trying to do. ASHLEY: I'm going to-- LAURA: Wait, wait, wait! MATT: Pike? ASHLEY: I would like to cast Earthquake-- MATT: Okay. ASHLEY: And maybe I can wiggle it all closed. MATT: Okay. Okay. So you cast Earthquake, what's the casting time on that? ASHLEY: It's just one action. MATT: Okay. So you look there and focus for a second, close your eyes, and you guys watch as the edges of the sinkhole begin to shift. The single tower that was partially collapsed? Collapses into full bits of rock and rubble, and some of it spills further into the tunnel as the tunnel begins to cave in. Basically, you fill in the rest of the sinkhole, and the mine now drops 25, 30 feet as the rest of the earth comes and fills it in. Eventually, the rumbling slows and comes to a calm, and you see now there's a dip where the space in the forest was-- it's like a big bowl, and some of the trees fall into it and get buried in the earth and stone as it collapses inward. LIAM: I love that everybody was up here bickering and Pike just went "hm." (laughter) MATT: A few moments pass, and you watch as some of the ankhegs begin to out, like the collapsed tunnels have forced them to begin burrowing their way to the surface to orient themselves. You watch as about five, ten, 20 or so of these begin to emerge, and as they emerge they look around the space. And you watch them looking at each other and sniffing the area-- ASHLEY: I'm going to Fire Storm them. MARISHA: You're going to Fire Storm them? TRAVIS: Just let Pike off the leash. SAM: Oh, by the way, I can create a holocaust? Is that what you're doing? (laughter) MATT: (sings) Pike can end this world in a holocaust, in a holocaust-- All right, so. As everyone's marveling over your Earthquake, little Pike goes, "And also--" And you watch as about 30 or so of these creatures have now emerged, and they're all communicating with each other, and the antennas are going by, and they're beginning to look around-- and this streak, this zigzag of burning flame just tears across the base of this bowl and just incinerates about 20 of them. You now see them immediately smoldering, turning to ash, these blackened clusters of heavily charred husk, and the others that came to the surface just scatter into the forest. You get the sense that the ruin you've left, the collapsing of the tunnels and the rather large portion of their populace that you've left destroyed, there's probably not much of an infestation left here in the mines. TRAVIS: Yeah, not too bad, Vasquez. LAURA: Did we also destroy the mine? TALIESIN: Well, it's still there, it's just been filled in.

MARISHA: Plus, technically isn't the point of a mine to, like, dig out holes? TALIESIN: Now they can dig extra. The Etch-A-Sketch has been shaken. LIAM: There's none left? They're all gone? MATT: I mean, that you saw come to the surface gathered. LAURA: I think we did a good job. LIAM: We could've smushed those and gotten so drunk. ASHLEY: How do you feel, Tary? SAM: That's pretty awesome. (laughs) Yeah, I think mission accomplished. Let's go. TRAVIS: Yeah, I think we did it. Let's get the fuck out of here. MATT: Okay. So. You guys make your way back towards Deastok-- Yes. Make your way back towards Deastok. You still have access to your Wind Walk, since it's not concentration, it lasts a while, so quickly enough, with your equipment in place, you guys can traverse rapidly back to the city in which you began this journey. You make your way back to The Grumpy Lily, introduce yourself to the two denizens within, with the phrase, if you recall. TRAVIS: Chicken and biscuits. SAM: The Many, the Many, yes. MATT: The same elderly gentleman is like, "Well, okay," and shuffles over and opens the same doorway that leads you through the stairs, into the central hallway where there's that one gruff guy on the stool, he recognizes you, nudges you and opens the door. And you step into the tavern. It's not as busy as it was last time, it's, I don't know, maybe two-thirds of the clientele there, but the music’s still going, people chatting, having drinks, and at a different table you see Korshad just sitting alone, hands still crossed, cup half-full, still resting beneath him. And as soon as you enter, his eyes are trained on you. Whether it was expectant or just sheer luck, or his eyes are always trained on whoever enters the door, as soon as you enter the establishment, you watch as his smile cracks the sides of his mouth and his-- the edges of his eyes, the little crows’ feet curl up a bit. And he motions you over. MARISHA: Do you think he has friends? He's always alone. LIAM: Yeah, I'm going to start eyeballing the room while sis goes and talks. TRAVIS: Is Camilla still playing music? MATT: The musicians are not currently playing. LAURA: What time is it now? MATT: At this point, it's early morning. I'll say for the purposes of the hour that you got there, best that I can recall, it's like 1:30 in the morning. It's pretty late. SAM: Excuse me, may we sit and talk? MATT: "But of course. Have a seat." SAM: Thank you. We have done our share of the bargain, and we're here to cash in our chit, as it were. MATT: His head looks at you. "You did not leave but a number of hours ago. Am I to expect that you have completed this task already?" LAURA: Yeah, we're really, really good. MARISHA: And you should know that if you've apparently been watching us?

MATT: He motions his finger up towards one of the second rows, and you watch as one of the guards there, the ones that you've noticed before and kept your eyes on that have the hidden crossbows, knocks on the edge of a door that opens up slightly. He whispers to somebody and a few moments later another guard walks up, escorting what looks to be a young mousy woman of red-brown skin. Her eyes, as soon as you get a glance, are snow-blind. And you watch as the guard that's with her is actually holding her arm and guiding her as she walks. She has big black curls that trail down to her middle back and as she's led to the table Korshad gives a little whistle. And a drink is brought at her place and she sits down. Looks a little confused and nervous, but sits down and leans into Korshad, and he turns to her and says, "This is Duala. She will confirm your words. Duala?" She glances her face over past your group and as she does, she reaches into a pouch and brings out what looks to be a few stone runes. And she clatters them across the table. And as soon as she puts her fingers out in front and spreads them like that, the runes all magnetically (scraping) shift to match the placement of her fingers below. Her snow-blind eyes now go pure white. And there's just a moment where you watch as her head begins to drift back like a slow hinge. MARISHA: Do I recognize this spell? MATT: You do not. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: At least not this form of casting. After a minute or so, her eyes come back to their snow-blind appearance, her fingers curl back in and with a very small voice she goes, "The mine is cleansed, though the mine is also collapsed." Korshad's looking at her, and goes, "But you say it is cleansed, yes. Of everything?" She gives a nod. "It is free." He looks back to you all with a very sly, begrudging brow, one eye still partially closed. "Very well. We will send men to confirm the depths of this, and operations will begin. If at any point it is discovered that this was some sort of charade or the means of our agreement were not met fully, we will be happy to make sure the rest of the Darrington estate falls back squarely under our grasp. However, for the time being and if what you say is true..." He reaches under the table and sifts through a small sack that he had held between his feet and ankles, pulls out a heavy piece of parchment. "The deed to the Darrington estate. Signed over to one Taryon Darrington." SAM: Might I make a few more requests? When last we spoke, we spoke in vague terms. There was some cash talked about, and also a place for my family to make a little bit of money or food. There's a farmhouse nearby our main estate. It's nothing special, a few acres of land. I would love to keep that as well so that we can have a source of food for the winters. MATT: Make a persuasion check, Mr. Doe-Eyed Young'un. LAURA: Blink-blink! SAM: 22. MATT: 22. "Hmm. You are young. Not yet spoiled by the strange truths of the world around you. I admire your optimism in the face of the unknown. It may be your salvation or it may be your end. Only time will tell. I'll give you this farmland." SAM: We are most grateful. MATT: "But. If at any point your family comes back to me requesting any more inches in our agreement, I will happily take it back." SAM: Understood. I wasn't quite finished yet, though. MATT: He leans back in his chair, his arms now being removed from his mouth and going to an expectant cross.

SAM: What we saw down there in the platinum mines was the 230,000 gold that we owe you times ten. Times 20. What we've just done for you has given you access to as much money as you could ever want, and I feel that's valuable. My family will require a bit of spending money to get ourselves back on our feet. We are… accustomed to a lifestyle, and we'd like to maintain it for a little while at least. I'd say 50,000 gold should be about enough to last us for a year or two. MATT: He nods, leans forward. "Then you better start saving." SAM: What if I sweetened the deal? We have among us an amazing sorceress, who could open that mine up for you with a flick of her wrist, save you hours and hours of work. Possibly back-breaking work that could cost the lives of many of your men. MATT: "That would be a very kind gesture towards the state you left the mine in." SAM: (clears throat) So that's a maybe? MATT: "Let's call it the last thread of my patience, young Darrington." SAM: So that's a hard yes. (laughter) MATT: "Duala, you may return to your quarters." "Thank you very much." She gets up and looks past you all with a nod, and then her guardian escorts her back into the chamber as Korshad is just trained on you. "What I have given you is far more than many in my position would. I will work hard to make sure that this softness I have displayed does not hinder my reputation. And the more you press, the more you may be the end of that softness, my friend. I recommend you stick to the deal we've made. Be happy that I've shown any mercy. And be on your way." SAM: All right. I'll make do, and we'll have to adjust our living standards, that's all. MATT: "Indeed. Perhaps your father might raise a finger or two and earn some money for himself." SAM: We'll see. Thank you. Bidet. MATT: "Good evening." LAURA: He almost said it back. SAM: Almost. LAURA: We're starting something. MATT: He takes a drink, and sips it, and gives this motion with his hand as his eyes finally avert from Taryon and the rest of your group and he looks away with a contemplative expression. As he does so, you watch as the guards all begin to shift out of the crowd. And you watch as many of the various tavern folk that were laughing and drinking are all quiet now, looking upon the rest of you. TRAVIS: That's some Moriarty shit right there. MATT: And you get the sense that pretty much everybody in this establishment, patron or not, are all keeping an eye on this. They're all part of Korshad's guard in some way, shape or form, and you've been given leave. MARISHA: You're totally right, he has so many friends. TALIESIN: I told you. TRAVIS: Let's do this. Everyone dies. Everybody. Let's light it up. MATT: You watch as Wence comes up to you, as this is happening, and goes, "Hi. Look. You seem like very nice folk. You should probably…” (clicks tongue) LAURA: We're leaving. MATT: "Okay, good. Drink for the road?" And he gives you a little shot, to you, Vex, and goes, (tongue click). ASHLEY: But why do we have to go? I'm just kidding. (laughter) ASHLEY: I just really like it here! MATT: And that was the end of Vox Machina's story. No. All right. You make your way out, back up through the Grumpy Lily, back onto the streets of the deep, deep dark morning hours in Deastok. What do you wish to do? MARISHA: Wow, that was weird, you guys. It was weird. LAURA: Do we need to tell your family what we did? SAM: Absolutely. LIAM: Break the news to dad, yeah? LAURA: Right now. In the morning? SAM: I guess maybe in the morning? They're probably all asleep now. LAURA: Well, I haven't actually had the drink yet, I was afraid it might be poisoned. SAM: Yeah, maybe not. TALIESIN: I'm going to steal a sip of the drink. LAURA: (gasps) Percival! MATT: Make a con-- no, I'm kidding. (laughter) TALIESIN: I haven't swallowed it, I'm just going, hmm, hmm. LAURA: How is he? MATT: It numbs a bit of the surface skin, seems like a strong alcohol. LAURA: You're fine? All right, fine. All right. Congratulations, us. Maybe later.

TRAVIS: We are a little beat up and stuff. LAURA: We should probably heal up. Talk to your father in the morning. SAM: We'll go to my house. TALIESIN: Your house! MARISHA: It is now your house. SAM: Yes, it is. LIAM: Whose house? T's house. TALIESIN: Well done. LAURA: It's in your name. MARISHA: You're a homeowner. SAM: I could get a second mortgage! LAURA: You could kick your dad out! MARISHA: You get to pay property taxes! SAM: Oh, god. ASHLEY: You could refinance! SAM: I could refinance. I hear mortgage rates are really low right now. LAURA: I hear the Myriad's giving really good deals. MATT: So you make your way back to the Darrington estate? SAM: Yes. MATT: Okay. The guest quarters are cramped for the volume of travelers you have with you, but as you approach and knock on the door, there's a slight pause before your... SAM: Berthold? MATT: Yes, thank you. Berthold, the brass-skinned dragonborn companion comes up with his nightcap on in front of his face, and he's got his little lantern. He's like, "I assume you wish to stay here. I'll arrange for... Come in, come in." He rubs his eyes as he leads you inside. It's quiet and still, and the house is dark. No light aside from the small lantern that Berthold has, and he leads you on the bottom floor to the guest quarters, which are two separate rooms, each with a singular bed. You watch as he begins to grab cushions from various chairs and display sofas that are covered in dust, that haven't been sat in for a decade, at least, and is trying to arrange them in a haphazard floor bedding scenario. TALIESIN: I want to see where he's going with this. MATT: He gets to a point where he gives up and goes, "Oh, there. Good night." And walks away. LAURA: Well, we've slept in blanket forts before. LIAM: Not the first, not the last. MARISHA: I get the big cushion! TALIESIN: It's got a bar in the middle. MARISHA: Display furniture sucks. MATT: You still do have your room, Taryon, if you want to use it. SAM: My room? Oh, yeah, of course I'm going up there. TRAVIS: Oh, really, you're going to leave us down here? Fucking high-born piece of shit? SAM: All right, I'll stay back down here with the pillow fort thing. Fine. But after they go to sleep, I go upstairs and go back to my bed. MATT: Okay, then. Make a stealth check. SAM: Oh, Jesus. Four. MATT: Half of you open an eye in the middle of the night as you hear the creaking of the wood flooring. SAM: Just going to the bathroom! LIAM: By the way, do you have any beast changing left in you? MARISHA: I do, yeah. LIAM: Could you go Minxie for me? LAURA: Oh, kinky. TRAVIS: Gross, we're all in the same room. MARISHA: Yes, why? LIAM: I want a pillow. MARISHA: Fine. TALIESIN: That is the most Brian Blessed thing ever. LAURA: You could've just used Trinket. MATT: Trinket farts are an issue. Then again, so are Minxie farts. ASHLEY: I want to get in a circle, like a dog, on one of the cushions. TALIESIN: You turn around three times. MATT: That's how rock gnomes sleep, they do a little circle around the cushion. LIAM: I just turn into Macklemore. MATT: All right. So you make it to your room, left as it was. Most of the furniture is covered in sheets, but untouched as to where you left it the last time you were here. There's a firm layer of dust across most of it, and as you step into the room, with each step you can see the footfalls leaving a small trail on the floor. You have a large shelf of books that line the right wall. You can see the footsteps to and from the bookshelf where it seems like your mother has taken, here and there, little elements of your collection. You see the covered outline of your workbench, which inhabits the far side of the chamber, and a familiar smell of old oil and leathers immediately causes a flood of memories to hit you of growing up in this space. You do see, poking out from one of these sheets, some of the leftover pieces from when you constructed your first Doty, and you see the armored hand, partially open with some of the gears and runes only partially put into the hand and then discarded and left to the side, and it also reminds you of those years. You have this nostalgic wave hit you as you pull the sheet off your bed, and dust it out, and fluff your pillow, and for the first time in a long time, have a night's sleep in your own chambers. SAM: I'll cuddle with the Doty arm. MATT: It's very cold, but sleep does take you. You guys finish your evening's rest. You awake. After the stress of the previous battle of the day, you all tend to sleep in for the most part, plus the late hour of eventually getting to rest. You all eventually come to later in the morning, closer to noon, but as you wake up, you wake up to the smell of food being cooked. You make your way out into the central foyer area of the estate, and you can see Berthold is running around the kitchen, desperately trying to put together whatever meal is viable, and eventually shouts out, "Breakfast is served!" LIAM: What you got, Bertie? MATT: "It's… dinner time! Dinner you're having-- breakfast, staying the night, and the market wasn't open." LAURA: Potatoes! MATT: "Potatoes. Some bread, might be a bit stale. I made some stew. Breakfast stew. It's just stew, but you're having it for breakfast. Some mushrooms. That's it. I am sorry." LIAM: A lot of carbs. TALIESIN: It's like Comic Con all over again. TRAVIS: Is this how we're supposed to eat in the house of Darrington, Tary? LAURA: We just used up all of their food and they don't have any left. SAM: I'm sorry. I'll talk to the help about this. TRAVIS: Can't you pop a crystal off of that helmet of yours and make a banquet? SAM: No. I could burn us all alive, though, with one of them. TRAVIS: Not the same thing. TALIESIN: Did we ever discover whether or not the magic jug does coffee? SAM: Only one way to find out. TRAVIS: Only one way to find out. Hold on. Be my guest. LIAM: Americano. TRAVIS: Nope. SAM: How about tea? TALIESIN: Tea. TRAVIS: Nope. MARISHA: It can make alcohol and poison, but it can't make an English breakfast? Bullshit. LAURA: English breakfast ale! TRAVIS: Baked beans and sausages and-- ! No. MARISHA: Yeah, breakfast ale. That works. MATT: As you guys complete your breakfast, you notice that eventually Maryanne's voice begins to echo through the stairway. She comes down and goes, "My word, Berthold, what are you cooking this-- " She comes down. You can see her hair is curled in front of her face and pulled back and tied up into this tight bun in the back, and she's just wearing this long, deep blue robe over her casual silk blouse attire and pants. She glances down, holding onto the railing. "Good morning." SAM: Good morning, sister. These are my friends, Vox Machina. ASHLEY: Hello. MATT: "Right." SAM: Grog, Pike, Vex, Vax, Percy, Keyleth. MATT: "Pleasure. Brother, I wasn't aware we had company staying." SAM: I travel with a group now. MATT: "I've heard. I just didn't realize..." SAM: I bring news, and I know it's early, but could we have a little family meeting over breakfast? LAURA: It's super important. MATT: She gives you such a stink eye. "I'll go speak to Father." SAM: And Mama. MATT: "And Mama." And she heads up the stairs. MARISHA: She seems nice. SAM: She is not. LAURA: I like her a lot. MATT: About five minutes pass, and you hear the sound of multiple footfalls as the rest of the Darrington family makes their way down. First you have Maryanne, same attire, but she's a little more put together. You can see now she's left the robe behind to have more of her classic formal presenting-to-company outfit. Behind her you have Mariya, your mother, who is in practically the same outfit she was in yesterday. She really doesn't seem to care at this point, it's more about being comfortable. LAURA: Sweat pants! MATT: A few feet behind, to his own entrance, there you see with his thick mutton chops and a tied-over, deep red, burgundy coat, Howaardt Darrington. As they all enter, Mariya immediately runs forward and goes, "Oh, I didn't realize breakfast was going to be made!" She goes over and takes a little plate and starts filling it with rolls and potatoes. She goes up and rubs your head a little bit and kisses you on the forehead, and goes, "It's nice to have company." SAM: It's nice to be home. LAURA: Did you want some stew? MATT: "Oh, yes.” MATT: Howaardt, at this point, is sitting back next to Maryanne, and goes (clears throat).

LAURA: Oh, did you want some as well? MATT: "I'm fine for now. Your sister tells me that we are to have a family meeting." SAM: Yes, and with your permission, I would like to invite my friends to stay for it as well, as it does concern them. LIAM: Hey. MARISHA: Hi! TALIESIN: Charmed. MATT: "Very well." SAM: I bring you news, and I bring you a proposal, and as a businessman I hope you'll listen to both. MATT: He seems keen at the choice of words. "Yes, my son." SAM: First, the news. It's good news. First, I will not be marrying this Lydia person. There's no need, and also I think we all know I would not be happy in such a marriage, and we should all be free to pursue whomever we love. That's beside the point. It's not necessary, because I have made a deal with the Myriad. A deal that will spare us from any danger, and clear us from all debt. We-- Well, they, really, carried out a task for the Myriad that has absolved us of the debt that you ran up, and we are free and clear. MATT: He looks to Mariya and Maryanne and softens up. "I am... If what you say is true, then this is indeed a great day, and I owe each and every one of you a great debt. We owe you a great debt." TALIESIN: Let's not get ahead of ourselves, but thank you. SAM: Yes, they don't-- Forgive me for speaking on your behalf. I don't think that they want to collect on a debt. They just did this because we're friends. The forgiveness of debt comes with some strings attached. We will lose most of our property and assets, but we will maintain the homestead here, and all of its possessions and artwork and belongings, we get to keep. We also get the nearby farmhouse and all of the land, and we get a new lease on life, and a new beginning. I think it's an opportunity for our family, and that leads me to my proposal. Father, as much as I have respected you for keeping us safe and providing for us, you have not given us the one thing a family needs, which is love. Real love. You have made sure that we are safe, because you care about our blood, because it is your blood, and you care about the fact that we bear your name, but you haven't given us the opportunity to be a real family, and I believe we can be, if we start out new and fresh together. Here's my proposal. I will come back and live with you, in Wildmount, and I will lead this family to a new chapter. Our business model will change a bit. I propose that we do not engage in real estate anymore, but in another venture. Forgive me, but you have sullied our name. MATT: Maryanne, at this point, says, "No, brother, you have!" And you watch as Howaardt puts his hand out in front and dad-hands her, immediately, and pushes her back, not stopping his gaze from you. His jaw clenches tight as he clears his throat and his hands go back behind his body. SAM: The Darrington name is one of ill repute. We are scoundrels, and we are land barons, and we are awful people, and now we are penniless awful people. But I feel that we can fix it. What I propose is this: Our home will be vacated by us. We are going to move to the farmhouse, where we will all live as a family. We will tend to the farm, and we will raise crops together. Our home will be turned into the Darrington Fund, for charitable giving, where people who are down on their luck can come and live and get back on their feet. Now, such a fund will need donors, and you have many contacts in the business world. You, and possibly sister, could run this foundation and spread goodness all over Wildmount, instead of badness and evil. MATT: There's a flash of movement. Quicker than you've seen your father move, he has grabbed a chair behind him, and thrown it across the room, smashing it against the nearby wall. (heavy breathing) LIAM: I take a step forward and unsheathe a dagger an inch and say, we're going to keep this civil today, aren't we? MATT: "You have no right to talk to me... You stand here and shame the work that I've done, and given my life to secure and give to you and your sister, and to uphold the mistakes that my father made to the best of my ability and fix them. And you waltz in here after a year of adventuring and just expect me to accept you throwing everything I've worked for into the sewer?" SAM: I didn't do that, Father, you did. It's gone. Everything is gone. You don't even own your own house anymore. MATT: "It wouldn't be that way if you would've just married that girl." SAM: That's not going to happen. In my year of travel, I didn't just dilly-dally around the world having fun. I was learning about the world and about life and about family. I was learning from these fine people what it means to really be a family, and care about each other. I learned from Grog and Vax what it means to be a man, and to be a father. I learned from Pike what it means to be a caring mother. I learned from Keyleth what a real sister is like, one who loves you and cares for you. I learned from Vex what a best friend is like. These are things you never gave us, growing up. I even learned from Percival... the type of man I would want to marry one day. And we never got that at home. And from this day forth, I'm going to create a home, my home, that I own, that values and respects the opinions of each family member. That cares for one another. Where we stick up for each other, and help each other through hard times, and not just rule by decree. If you don't want to be a part of this, that's fine. You can leave my house. But I want you to stay. I need your counsel, and I need your help, and we need you as a father. I need you and sister to run this foundation for me, to repair our name and our reputation. It could be great. It could be the best thing that's ever happened to us. And there's more. I have an idea. To create something else. A team of adventurers, based here in Wildmount. The Darrington Brigade, led by me, Taryon Darrington. We will fight for justice, and win battles against evildoers, and spread the Darrington name around the continent. I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but I feel like if we embarked on this new adventure together, it could save our name and repair our relationship. As a businessman, I'm asking you to consider it. Because your other options are... Well, they're not great. MATT: Make a persuasion check LAURA: The deal we made with the Myriad, sir... SAM: I'm going to use Luck. LAURA: No one would know that you were forced out of your home. Everyone thinks that this was your choice, that you're being charitable.

SAM: I'm going to see if the fates can help me. TRAVIS: You're going to use it now? LAURA: Oh my god. MARISHA: Cash it in! SAM: That's a 25. MATT: That's a moment to do it. You see as Mariya, your mother, has now moved to the side of Howaardt, holding his arm. "Honey, there was no other path. This is a gift." He pulls his arm from her and begins to walk toward you. You watch as Maryanne has put on a shocked face, gone pale white, and for a moment, the facade of the adult gives away to the child. "Father." As he walks up to you, you watch as he brings his hand up, and falls into his own hand, and falls to his knees on the ground. He's shaking, he's quaking. His fist is clenched there, and he slams it into the ground, once, twice, a third time, each one a resounding knock of him hitting bone and skin against wood. And he does it again, and again, and again, all the anger and fury being focused into this. As he stops, you can see the blood pouring from the side of the knuckles, and his hand is shaking. He stops and looks at it. (deep breath) And for the first time-- not even the other evening, in which there was a sort of feigned softness to him, that you have read through before and seen-- for the first time you see your father as a broken man. He looks up at you. "I lost everything. I did this to us." He looks back at Mariya, and Maryanne, and to you. The dampness gathering down the side of his wrinkled cheeks, gathering across the stubble on his chin, and vanishing amongst the cluster of thin, bristly facial hair. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." SAM: I am too. MATT: He looks about at this point. Now, his focused anger has subsided, and this emotional moment realizing that there are strangers at the table, and he (clears throat) "If you could please give us a bit of time." His hand still clustered there. He looks over to Berthold, who ushers you all out front, you staying behind, Taryon. About ten minutes or so, as you're all awkwardly waiting outside in the quiet. The cloudy day that originally brought you into Deastok is breaking in places, you see hints of blue sky peeking through, and a little bit of sunlight occasionally finding its way across the cobblestone road of the cityscape. You hear the occasional tweet of birds as they jump from tree to tree. And in this silence you really get to take in the surrounding beauty of this town, even as oppressive and gloomy as your arrival may have been, and the tenseness of the work you had to do in this space. You allow yourself to realize that this is a nice town. You hear the door open once more from the front of the estate, and there you see Maryanne, wet on the cheeks. "My father would like to speak with you, if that's all right."

TRAVIS: Yeah. LAURA: Sure, sure. MATT: She steps back in and Howaardt comes back. He is more composed than he was before. He is back to his presentory self. "When my son left, I was under the impression that his fanciful ideas would either break him and send him back to me to finally listen to what I had to teach, if luck was with us. If not, his fool's errand was bound to get him killed. It is by some miracle that he found you. I don't know what's in store for my children, my wife, myself. There is a lot to discuss, a lot to decide. Us as a family. And I'm still processing all of it. I'm sorry you got pulled into all of this, but I'm glad that you gave him your friendship. And I'm sorry you had to see this." He's hiding his bad hand under the good one. "I'm sure in time I'll come to appreciate this. Out of desperation and obsession, I became my father, something I promised I would never do. And I'm sorry." He looks back over his shoulder at Tary who's a few feet behind him. "I'm sorry." Then he walks back into the house and just walks. LIAM: Sir. MATT: He stops a little bit and looks back over his shoulder towards you. LIAM: Second chances are a gift. I pray you don't squander it. TALIESIN: You're not the first man to panic at the loss of his shackles. I hope you eventually enjoy the freedom that you've just been given from your legacy. MATT: "Legacy." He continues walking into the house. ASHLEY: Sir, may I have your hand, please? MATT: He stops. "I'm sorry, what?" ASHLEY: May I have your hand? Not in marriage, I worded that strangely. Just your hand that's hurt. MATT: He's still clutching and hiding it. He gives you a look of understanding of what you're asking. "I appreciate the offer, but this needs to heal on its own." ASHLEY: Understood. MATT: "This pain shouldn’t be fleeting." And he walks away inside. TRAVIS: I have a question. Is there any more stew? TALIESIN: I don't know. TRAVIS: My stomach is making noises, I'm so hungry. MARISHA: I feel like we could find better stew. No offense.

LAURA: So... SAM: Oh, yes. My place is here. I'm coming back to Whitestone with you, I have to. I have to retrieve Doty and my personal belongings. LAURA: But we just finished your room! SAM: Well, I'll come visit. I was thinking, for my Darrington Brigade, I'll need lots of recruits, and maybe I could get some down in Whitestone. You know, fine fighters and young trainees. I even have an idea for my first adventuring partner. I think if I sold my old armor, I could afford that drow for a year, and she lives close by. TALIESIN: This is a lot. LIAM: I don't think that's a half-bad idea. We're all very proud of you. MARISHA: So proud. TALIESIN: It's very impressive. MARISHA: I understand legacy and responsibility and I think it's very admirable of you to recognize your place. SAM: I've always known that I was not fit to travel with you all, and I know that you all love me, but you don't really like me that much. Oh, I can be kind of a dick sometime. LAURA: I like it! I like dicks! MARISHA: A year ago, it was definitely true, but now ... TRAVIS: What about the bakery? SAM: Oh, the bakery! I'm really bad at baking too. LAURA: No, but you're so good at selling stuff! SAM: Yeah, I am. LAURA: I feel like some people come in just to see you and see you smile. MARISHA: Yeah, you're definitely the face guy! You're the good salesman! SAM: Sure, sure, that makes sense. MARISHA: You can sell anyone on a shitty cake that you baked! SAM: I'll come down and visit a lot. ASHLEY: What's a lot? SAM: You know, once every year, around Winter's Crest. Well, I mean, it's a long way, and I can't Tree Stride or whatever you call it. MARISHA: I can come get you. SAM: Listen, let's not do this now. I'm coming back with you. I have to go get my robit. All right? TALIESIN: Well, don't expect us to be okay with this. That's not going to happen. MARISHA: I mean, to be fair, Tary does have a point. I also have a responsibility, and... SAM: You're leaving, too? TALIESIN: Yes. Well, technically... MARISHA: I'm the chief of my people. SAM: Oh my god, are we all breaking up? LAURA: What?! No! ASHLEY: We're not doing this now! What's happening? What is happening? SAM: I didn't mean to do this! I didn't know this was going to happen! TALIESIN: There's no more discussion until there's food and caffeine. This is madness. ASHLEY: We're just hungry! We're just hungry. TALIESIN: This is hunger talking. TRAVIS: We're just feeling hangry as shit. ASHLEY: Everybody needs to calm down. TALIESIN: We need brunch. TRAVIS: All right. We'll get brunch back in Whitestone, right, and get out of here? LAURA: Let's go to Whitestone. Let's leave. I don't like this place anymore. TRAVIS: Let's go, then. You don't say one word. No, you shut up. SAM: I need to go say good-bye to Mama, that's it, then I can go, all right? TALIESIN: She can come to Whitestone anytime. SAM: She literally has no money to travel. TALIESIN: We can make it happen. TRAVIS: Well, say your good-byes. SAM: All right, I'll go find Mom. MATT: She's inside right now. As you walk inside, she's sitting at the table where everyone had breakfast, she's eating what was on her plate, alone. She turns around. SAM: Mama, I'm sorry to spring all of this on you and I must go back to Whitestone with my friends, to tie up some loose ends, but I'll be back soon. Days, maybe a week. MATT: "Be back, please." SAM: In the meantime, though, can you think about something for me? MATT: "Of course, what do you need?" SAM: The charity. Papa and Sister can run it, they have smarter business acumen than I do, but the brigade, I was wondering if you wanted to do it with me. You have a taste for adventure, you could help be our manager! Tend to us when we're injured... MATT: "Taryon, I'm far too old for adventure." SAM: I don't think that's true! MATT: "As an organizer?" SAM: Yes, yes! Remember in Escape from Brave Mountain? Remember the kindly old wizard who stayed back and tended to the injured and fed them when they were sick with that mystical plague that they got? You could be that old-- Yes. Think about it. Read the book again. And when I come back, we'll talk. MATT: "All right. But if you're going out and you're coming back, and I'm to help, bring back a better outfit." SAM: Okay! Do you have a color in mind? MATT: "Royal blue." SAM: On it. I give her a big hug. MATT: She gives you a big hug. As she hugs you, her mouth gets near your ear and she goes, "I'm glad you listened." SAM: Me too. Mama, this is going to be fun, fun, fun! MATT: She sniffles a bit and pushes you away. "Now go, go! Hurry back! Be safe!" SAM: Maybe! All right, let's go. TRAVIS: Do we assume the form of clouds? MARISHA: Oh, no, this is probably a Tree Stride situation. Let's do that. TALIESIN: It would have been a very long cloud stride. Is it even possible to cloud stride? MATT: It's possible, it's just going to be a long journey. LAURA: Tree Stride! MATT: Transport Via Plants. Tree Stride is a very different spell. MARISHA: Whatever, that one. Sorry, that's the fifth level one. The sixth level teleport... transport... MATT: I know what you mean, but I was opting for clarification. Transport via Plants. I know what you mean. MARISHA: It is. Tree Stride just rolls off the tongue easier. MATT: I know it does. TALIESIN: Plant Walk. Tree Trip. MARISHA: Tree Uber. TALIESIN: Treecycle. TALIESIN: Leaft. LIAM: Sorry, pull the plug, people, wrap it up. MATT: You find the nearest large tree and with a quick snap of your fingers, a flash of druidic energy, you watch as the tree form splits open, revealing the doorway. On the other side, the main thoroughfare of Whitestone. You step through and find yourself back in your home city. MARISHA: On the way out, I give the Sun Tree our secret handshake. TRAVIS: Like, a judo strike? SAM: You just killed the tree. LIAM: Quivering Palm the Sun Tree. TALIESIN: Sun Tree is still doing it the first time, three years ago. MARISHA: It's so slow. MATT: You knock on the Sun Tree a little bit, continue walking. First thing that catches your attention, the main square of Whitestone, largely around the Sun Tree, is fairly empty except for a few carts. It's mostly for traversing. There's a small garden that's in the early stages of being set around. As you walk into the main area, you notice that there's a lot of carts that are circling the north end of it, like a small caravan of sorts. You see a series of wagons, some horses that are tied off, a couple of hitching posts off to the side, and you see what appear to be tents and tables with various wares for sale. Fruits, vegetables, some exotic cloths and tapestries, clothing available. LIAM: Is this a festival? LAURA: Traveling salesman? TALIESIN: My god, it's a shopping episode! I'm so excited! Just appeared out of nowhere! SAM: Do they have something in royal blue? TALIESIN: We're going to buy so many imaginary things, Travis. MARISHA: What's happening though, really? TALIESIN: No, really, what is happening? MATT: You don't recognize any of these people, necessarily. There's no reason, there's no calendar element to it. As you walk up, one of the nearest Pale Guard is doing a walk-through. TALIESIN: What's this all about? MATT: "Percival. Now that the trade routes are open, we're having more caravans to and from Emon." MARISHA: It's a farmer's market! MATT: "Essentially. We're just keeping the peace." TALIESIN: It's been several years. Why you should be even vaguely surprised by this reaction is baffling to me. MATT: "It's baffling that you are so comfortable with it still." TALIESIN: Excellent, carry on, keep shopping. MATT: "Of course, of course." TALIESIN: It's a farmer's market. MARISHA: Hi! MATT: He walks off. Do you guys want to walk around? TALIESIN: There's a farmer's market! MARISHA: I need some fresh halibut right now! SAM: Are they selling or are they just setting up? MATT: At this time they're selling. You see some of the populace has come out. You see delicious fruits, some swamp roots, there are some herbal setups that have things that are from Stillben and things that are not indigenous to the Whitestone area. LIAM: Are there heirloom tomatoes? MATT: Make an investigation check. LIAM: I'm going to use Luck. No I'm not, I'm kidding. MATT: Best Luck use ever.

TALIESIN: I think they’re all heirloom tomatoes. There's no such thing. MATT: You find some nice tomatoes. They're real tasty-looking tomatoes. There's one oddities shop that has small baubles and little jewelry, trinkets that they have for sale. There's a lot of dried meats. There's no fresh fish because a lot of the fishing that's done locally doesn't travel very well on caravan. MARISHA: Is there flowers? Is there a flower shop? MATT: There is no flower shop on the caravan. There is a flower shop in Whitestone, but you don't really travel to bring flowers, they don't keep very well. TALIESIN: I assume the castle's going to be doing a run of this anyway, but I want to see the trinkets. MATT: You walk up and you see a number of delightful things. You see a small rack of various glass vials with various-colored liquids inside. Some of them seem to be swirling. As you walk up, you see this gentleman in his early 40s, this long handlebar mustache that curls past the edge of his jaw, his hair is combed over to one side and slicked down. As you approach he's like, "Oh, hi! Yes, I've heard of you, you're Vox Machina! Well, if there's a team looking for the things I have to sell, it would be you!" SAM: He's day-drunk. MATT: "Now." He immediately goes into his spiel. You watch as some of the other carts nearby begin to roll their eyes a little bit. "So! Vox Machina. First off, how do I do the pleasure?" TALIESIN: Quite impressively, actually. MATT: "Theobold Cans, by the way. That's my name. Keep it in mind. Theobold Cans." MARISHA: Like the festival. Yeah. Just go with it. TALIESIN: It's a theater festival, it's very popular. MATT: "I have here acquired a few interesting things that may help you on your journeys. Here." He pulls out one of the vials and swirls it for a second. It has an orange-ish, yellow-ish color to it, and as it flows around its side, it has a thick movement to it, like a syrup. "This liquid, upon being imbibed, will temporarily allow you to see, read, and speak any language you like!" TALIESIN: That's very impressive. MATT: "Isn't it, though? So I'll put that one aside as a possible, yes." LIAM: Is that for real, that one? SAM: Oh, yes, I should Identify that. I'll Identify that. MATT: You glance over and take a moment to concentrate. Yes, it is a Potion of Tongues. SAM: Okay, great. Thank you for reminding me that I do that. MATT: "Now, these, you might be interested in." He pulls out what appears to be a set of goggles with these thick crystal lenses in the front. "Now, these, these fit over your eyes, and upon activation, they have the chance of dazzling somebody and calling them a friend for some time. So. In the maybe pile?" At this point, in the middle of this conversation, you specifically, Vex, you glance over your shoulder as you see the crowd parting off to the side. There's a large figure beelining in your direction. LAURA: I nudge my brother. LIAM: What the hell? LAURA: I head-nudge him. MATT: You glance over and you see the crowds being parted. You see a seven-foot-tall, not quite Grog-level but comparable imposing figure, coming right towards you. You see darker olive skin, appears to be a set of half-plate armor, no sleeves, just plate on the chest and on the legs. You see short hair that's buzzed on the sides with a curl of dark in the front, a Superman S curl in the front. You see a big broad smile, a tusked smile. You see orcish blood in this figure as it approaches with a big sword across the back. LIAM: I take an instinctive step forward, just a half step in front of Vex. TRAVIS: Maybe he'll kill us and we don't have to shop anymore. MATT: As the figure rushes up, apparently drawn by the sound of the phrase 'Vox Machina'...

(cheering)

SAM: No one can see you. LAURA: We know it’s there, though! TRAVIS: Yeah! JON: It has an enchantment on it. It’s actually this big. SAM: Oh god. Oh god! Much, much bigger than Hardwick! MATT: So, as you have been in the process of specifically keeping an eye out for a group of individuals, specifically looking out for the name or any mention of Vox Machina. You've spent a number of hours with no luck, frustrated. But you’ve made some friends and talking around, and the suddenly you hear someone shout the name from a distance. You glance over and see a cluster of individuals that match the descriptions you were given. You immediately beeline up to them. You watch as two similar-looking half-elves spin and give you the evil eye. LIAM: Hey, friend. JON: Hi! LIAM: You look like you’re headed this way, did you need something? JON: Yes. I’m looking for some help. LAURA: Oh, wow, yeah? What kind of help? LIAM: With you so far. JON: I’m with a group of these guys and we have a bit of a problem back in our homeland. LIAM: Which is where? JON: I have a problem with memory. LAURA: Do you remember your name? TALIESIN: The phrase ‘day-drinking’ has already come up today. JON: Well, my name is Lionel Gayheart, but most people call me Chod. ALL: Chod. JON: Although, that was my born name, but I call myself Lionel Gayheart, it’s a better name. LAURA: It’s a much better name. LIAM: On the end is ‘-hard’ or ‘heart’? JON: Gayheart. LIAM: Heart. TRAVIS: People call him Chode. MARISHA: Chode. TALIESIN: Lionel. LIAM: Right. JON: But, so, yeah, we’ve been having some problems and we need some help. TRAVIS: What kind of problems? LIAM: Like opening a peanut butter jar, or how big? LAURA: Or, like dragon kind of issue. JON: Well… More like creepy guys in a big group issue. I’m with this guy, you guys, you’ve heard of, he’s pretty big in our parts... you’ve heard of the Meat Man? (gasps) MARISHA: What?! TRAVIS: Are you fucking shitting me?! LAURA: You! JON: You guys know him? TRAVIS: Yeah, we know him. JON: I thought he was just big in our parts. LAURA: Where are you from? TALIESIN: Is this what’s happening right now? MARISHA: Are we all paying attention at this point? MATT: It’s hard to miss this guy show up. TALIESIN: Was trying to ignore it. Now I’m failing. LAURA: I’m going to throw something again at Sam. LIAM: Is Shorthalt around right now? Is this a prank? Is that was this is? Is this a joke? JON: I don’t know jokes. LIAM: Insight check. MATT: Insight check. LIAM: It’s fine. No, it’s not fine. That’s better. 14. MATT: He seems pretty lost on the name Shorthalt, but seems to be upfront with his intent. MARISHA: So, wait, he does know jokes, or he does know the Meat Man? JON: I know the Meat Man. MARISHA: But you don’t know jokes? JON: I don’t know jokes. ASHLEY: How do you know the Mean Man? MARISHA: Do you know Parchment, Boulder, Shears? Never mind. JON: The Meat Man, he’s my boss. TRAVIS: What? Really? JON: Yeah! LAURA: Wait, what does he look like? Short guy? JON: No, well, he’s shorter than me, but, you know. LIAM: Where on yourself does he come? LAURA: Is he this size? SAM: She’s a gnome. JON: No, no, he’s bigger than that. LIAM: Excuse me? MARISHA: What?! JON: It’s the Meat Man, you guys seem familiar with him, you know what he looks like. TRAVIS: Is this the Meat Man we know? MATT: No, not at all! MARISHA: Is he pulling a Dread Pirate Roberts? TRAVIS: He’s not the Meat Man that we know. LAURA: Well, we don’t know, maybe it is! Where are you from? MARISHA: Does he wear a beret? JON: I’m from an area where-- we’re from the desert. It’s like a desert area. We traveled across a very, very far way. It was a long journey. LAURA and MARISHA: Marquet? JON: No. LIAM: Did you cross the ocean to get here? JON: Yes, we crossed the ocean. We were on those wooden things that have, like--

LAURA: The ships? JON: Yeah, ships! That’s it! MARISHA: Ank’harel? Bigger than Marquet. Ank’harel? JON: Ank’harel! MARISHA: (gasps) We’re getting closer! Oh my god! LIAM: Is your boss with you right now? Did he come with you or did he send you? JON: No, I’m with him, well, he said he was around here somewhere. LIAM: Shut the *fuck* up! He’s here right now? JON: Why, is that bad or good? TRAVIS: No, real good. Real good thing. JON: It’s a real good thing? LAURA: But will you bring us to him? JON: Yeah, I need your help. We need your help! I’m kind of his messenger, I was supposed to find some-- TALIESIN: This is your first time being a messenger, is it? MATT: “I don’t mean any offense, here, but I was in the middle of a transaction, if you don’t mind, sir?!” MARISHA: We’ll take the Tongues potion. How much? Come on, give it to me. MATT: “7,000 gold pieces.” MARISHA: What?! I don’t have that much! ASHLEY: What was the third one, though? MATT: “The third one?” LAURA: The one you were about to say. We were going to hear you say it before-- TALIESIN: Before you were so strangely interrupted. ASHLEY: This is very important, but… TALIESIN: You didn’t have it, did you? MATT: “There’s a ring.” TRAVIS: A ring? MATT: “A ring.” TRAVIS: What does it do? MATT: “Allows you to move freely.” MARISHA: Is it under a thousand gold? MATT: “No!” MARISHA: Then goodbye! LIAM: We’re moving, we’re moving.

MATT: “Gaaah!” MARISHA: We’re getting out of his store front. LAURA: Wait, Chod! Chod! TRAVIS: Chode. TALIESIN: Lionel. JON: Chod. But please call me Lionel. LIAM: Oh, you prefer Lionel! JON: Yes, of course! LAURA: Lionel’s way better. JON: I really should have told you my real name. It’s Lionel. MARISHA: Can we call you Lion for short? That’s fierce! I’m Keyleth. JON: I might get confused if you call me Lion, though, I’m just warning you ahead of time. MARISHA: Keyleth. Nice to meet you. TALIESIN: I have a feeling you’re going to get to confused if we call you Lionel. It’s Percival, it’s a pleasure, Chod. Hello. JON: Hello! SAM: Taryon Darrington! JON: You’re a fancy lad. LAURA: Vax. Vex. LIAM: This is going to be difficult. LAURA: Just say Vex. JON: Vex? And your name’s Vex, too? LIAM: Call her little elf girl, and you can call me little elf boy. Could we meet your boss? TRAVIS: Hold on, Pike had a question. ASHLEY: Why is he your boss? What do you do? What kind of work are you in? JON: Oh, you know, we do various things. I round up-- He likes to make sure everybody’s in line back in our area. Sometimes he makes me (sighs) make sure people pay up, and-- LAURA: So, wait a minute, so he’s like a bad guy? JON: No, he’s a good guy! LIAM: Are you a bouncer? Is he playing music and you’re his bouncer? Do you rough up people who try to cause trouble? JON: Well, you know, in the nicest way possible, sometimes. LIAM: Sure, that’s what I do. ASHLEY: Do you know someone named Kaylie? JON: Kaylie? No. LAURA: But do you know a girl that looks kind of like the Meat Man? JON: I don’t talk to many girls. Oh, you’re a girl! I’m sorry. Well, I’m talking to you, that’s awesome! LAURA: Hey, that’s great! JON: That might be a first. I forgot, so, I wasn’t supposed to call him Meat Man. In these areas, he’s known as Aes Adon. I think that’s what he said. LAURA: Aes Adon? But he’s actually the Meat Man. JON: Maybe. LIAM: So we get to meet the Meat Man? JON: Yeah, we need your help. But I’m just checking you guys out first because he said I’m a real good judge of character. LAURA: And what do you think? What do you judge on us? JON: Oh, you guys seem really nice. LAURA: You seem really great, too. You should probably take us to him, then. JON: Yeah! It’s nice to have to, you know, go do something with people where I don’t have to hurt them. LAURA: Yeah! We feel the same way sometimes. ASHLEY: So he didn’t send you here to hurt us? JON: No, no. ASHLEY: Just to come. JON: Yeah, and we need to enlist your help. MARISHA: Hang on a second. Will you earmuffs? He knows what earmuffs are! That’s good. Anyway, why would Scanlan send a messenger? He has the gate stone! And why him? Scanlan’s smarter than that, right? LAURA: Maybe Scanlan’s trying to play us and he accidentally sent someone that-- MARISHA: Chode? TALIESIN: Lionel!

TRAVIS: Aes Adon. I don’t think it’s Scanlan. LAURA: It’s got to be Scanlan. MARISHA: Look, a lot of people could go by the alter-ego Meat Man. LAURA: What weirdo would name themselves Meat Man? MARISHA: Good point. TALIESIN: I’m also going to put out there that we all know we’re going to do this because we’re desperate for anything to put off the inevitable goodbyes that we were heading towards. So let’s distract ourselves for a little bit. LIAM: And, fucking Scanlan! TALIESIN: We’ll see. MARISHA: Look, he’s still doing it! He does follow directions well. LAURA: Lionel! TALIESIN: If I were to trick us, that’s how I would trick us. MARISHA: Lionel. JON: What? Oh, I was having such a nice story in my head. What is it? What do you guys want? LIAM: You are very likeable. Do you have problems talking to people? To women, even? JONL No, no, I’m really good at talking to myself sometimes. That’s where I get most practice. LIAM: It shows. TALIESIN: Quite a bit of practice. LIAM: Let’s meet this chap! JON: Yeah, let’s go meet him. MATT: You watch as you’re led by this lumbering oaf of a half-orc who has a spring in his step and a perpetual smile. Everyone around just can’t help but watch him as he walks. He exudes this natural force of personality in spite of himself. People are enthralled or spooked or just trying to figure out what the heck this individual is that’s now talking and walking with a very confused-looking Vox Machina. He leads you along to the southern side of Whitestone, talking about his tales of growing up around Ank’harel and Marquet. Any other tales he wishes to express along the way. But, eventually, leads you to one of the inns in the south side of the city. The interior is empty. There is nobody in there. It is just devoid of any people working there. You recall, because you were told to pay everybody to leave. JON: Yeah. But, he was here, so, yeah. I don’t know if you guys, like, make yourselves comfortable. LIAM: This is the craziest 48 hours, I swear to all the gods. JON: It’s cool. Aes Adon has the best mutton. He keeps it normally-- I don’t think I made the mutton leave, so you can check the drawers. LAURA: I go search the drawers. SAM: In drawers? LAURA: Yeah! I start searching. SAM: I’m not going to eat any mutton from drawers. LAURA: He gave me free rein, I’m searching this fucking place. MATT: You start pulling through the drawers. There is a piece of mutton in there. You get the sense that it wasn’t stored there, more than it was maybe half-eaten and left there for later. TALIESIN: 25 perception, I don’t know, I’m just looking around. LIAM: I’m looking for weirdness and traps. MATT: Okay. Make investigation checks, you guys. LIAM: 24. TALIESIN: No. LAURA: Should I be investigating, too? MATT: Sure. So, what’d you get? SAM: Ten. MARISHA: Not good. LIAM: 24. LAURA: 11. TALIESIN: 13. MATT: You find the partially eaten mutton. Vax, you find the tavern has many drinks on tap, it has a number of cups. Looks to be remnants of people that were possibly eating or finishing a meal that quickly left. The coffers for the tavern are gone. LIAM: No traces of poo anywhere? MATT: No traces of poo, no. LAURA: Scanlan! Scanlan, are you here? MATT: You hear footsteps coming down a stairway on the far end of the tavern. JON: Who’s Scanlan? SAM: He’s this really creepy weirdo they always talk about. JON: No, I don’t think there’s a Scanlan here, no. MATT: You watch as an imposing figure makes his way down the stairs. As he turns around the corner, the light comes in. You see a human man, very, very tan skin. His body is thick with muscles and is imposing by just his stance. His shoulders are forward a little bit, his fists clenched to the side. You see a dark leather vest that is affixed to the torso and a hood attached that hides elements of his appearance. But you do see long stringy black hair that cascades out the front and as he turns around, you see a very craggy, pockmarked face adorned by a thick black mustache, a deep scar that sits on his face under one eye, and you see his one hand is rested on this curved, jeweled dagger that is sheathed on one side. Turns around (thudding steps) walks over to one of the far tables, pulls the chair out, spins it around, sits in it and rests on it. “Welcome, friends. You are Vox Machina, yes?” LIAM: Who’s asking? MATT: “Sit down, please. If you don’t mind. You are guests of mine right now.” SAM: Is this Scanlan? TALIESIN: No. LAURA: I want to roll a perception, I want to see if it’s an illusion, if it actually is Scanlan. MATT: Make an investigation check. JON: I told you, I don’t-- MATT: “Chod! Good job.” And he flicks you a gold coin. LAURA: 25. MATT: 25. TRAVIS: What? Oh god! Jesus! Balls! SAM: Whispers! LIAM: Incoming whispers! SAM: The Scanlan Shorthalt t-shirts are available on the store right now. Travis is wearing one. You can see it maybe on your screen. He’s doing a little jig! Boop boop do boop boop! Boop boop! Buy your shirts today. LIAM: The hottest penguin I ever saw. MATT: “My name is Aes Adon.” JON: Told you. MATT: “I’m but a humble merchant from Ank’harel, and I’m seeking to make some contacts in this rumored emerging metropolis of Whitestone. Yes?” TALIESIN: Yes. MATT: “Now, I’ve information that may be of use to you, my compatriots have told me. And, should my gatherers and whisperers be correct, in trade I would like to get some information from this one.” TALIESIN: Possibly. What is it that you want to know? MATT: “Rumors tell me of these fabled Riflemen of Whitestone.” TALIESIN: Yes. MATT: “While paltry mechanical imitations have occasionally come across the markets on our side of the world, I hear that you were the designer of these instruments of death.” MARISHA: Oh no. TALIESIN: I am. MATT: “Well, in the intent of expanding my influence in keeping the peace where I do business, I would like to make a trade. This important information for you to grant me access to your designs.” TALIESIN: What is this information? You don’t even need to tell me what it is, but that would be worth quite a lot, and what you knew would have to be worth quite a lot. MARISHA: Selling the secret recipe, man. MATT: “Let’s say that information has come to my attention regarding a hidden location on Marquet. A compatriot of mine, whom you’ve already met--” JON: (heavy, repeated sniffing) MATT: “-- recently returned from an expedition I sent him on where he stumbled upon a pyramid.” TRAVIS: A pyramid? MATT: “Yes. Does this pique your interest?” MARISHA: Oh no. LIAM: Ziggurat. MATT: “So, this is the information I have to offer.” MARISHA: Wait, he said Marquet, though. LAURA: Yeah. LIAM: Another one. LAURA: Did you go inside of it? JON: No. No. LAURA: Did you see anyone around? SAM: Did you see anything about it? JON: Yeah! MATT: “I would request you hold that information until we make a deal.” JON: Sorry, Aes. Sorry, Aes. SAM: No, no, you could go ahead and tell us! JON: No, he’s my boss. LAURA: Does it count if it’s a girl that he’s talking to? I mean, it’s not quite the same, right? MATT: “Silence! My deal is with you, Vox Machina.” LIAM: You can tell us later. TALIESIN: What is this worth? JON: You should listen to him. MARISHA: I guess it depends on what he think it’s worth to us. What makes you think that we want this information so much? MATT: “I’ve had a compatriot of yours stumble through my city seeking information about, apparently, something beneath your city. The whispers come to me. I saw a connection. From what I hear, you’ve put quite a bit of energy into this darkened orb.”

TALIESIN: Well, this leaves me with a bit of a conundrum. Traditionally, when people come either asking to see my designs or if we come across people who have been attempting to replicate them, we just simply have them executed on sight. Traditionally. MATT: “I would not recommend that.” TALIESIN: Well, if I were going to do it, it would have already been done, now wouldn’t it? JON: Well, I don’t know about that. Remember. Enchantment. MATT: “Thank you, Chod.” SAM: I think that was a threat. TALIESIN: That was a very good threat! JON: Really? Was it? TALIESIN: It was definitely a strong six. LIAM: How’d you hear about this compatriot? How do we know you’re not selling us a song? Who was this compatriot of ours? LAURA: What? LIAM: He said someone came through? He’s talking about this guy? MATT: No. JON: My name’s Lionel, guys. MATT: “I did not meet this individual, but apparently they belong on the council of your country.” MARISHA: What? LIAM: Little bit more, please. MATT: “Blonde of hair. Traverses through arcane means.” MARISHA: What? What’d he say? LIAM: Man or woman? MATT: “Woman. Blonde of hair.”

MARISHA: Allura. TALIESIN: Well. MARISHA: What is happening? TRAVIS: She went to go find information about it, that’s not strange. MARISHA: That’s not bad, right? ASHLEY: What does the Meat Man mean to you? MATT: Leans back and you see he takes the dagger out and spins it a little bit on the fingertip. “The Meat Man is before you. I don’t know where you heard this title, but--” JON: I told you guys, it’s Aes! MATT: “There will be a conversation later.” LAURA: Oh no! MATT: “But that is a business alias of mine that I’ve had for a short time.” ASHLEY: You don’t need to get upset with him for it. MARISHA: We had a friend who we thought it might’ve been him. TRAVIS: Keyleth, stay on task! MARISHA: Sorry. MATT: “There is no other Meat Man.” LIAM: It’s kind of a sticking point for us. You’re coming to us with one piece of information that we may be interested in, but you’re accidentally tipping your hand towards something else that we want to know about. We know a Meat Man, and he is not you. ASHLEY: Do you know… the Meat Man? LIAM: Do you know the muffin man? TALIESIN: This meeting is only happening because we were hoping to meet our Meat Man. MATT: “If you are referring to the small one, he’s been dealt with. The title is now mine.” TALIESIN: Dealt with. LIAM: Roll back a step or two. Dealt with how? MATT: “Dealt with in the way that anyone who does sloppy business: imprisoned. No longer of consequence. I was next in line.” MARISHA: I’m sorry, you think that the title of Meat Man is so important that you had to kill or attack a gnome who also went by Meat Man? MATT: “The Meat Man I take the title from was not killed by me. He was a great man. Small, but resolute. Confident. Handsome as they come. He taught me everything I know. It is a shame that he has been lost in chains beneath the city, but I am keeping up.” LAURA: *Such* a shame that’s he’s been lost. MARISHA: So, you’ve taken on the title yourself. MATT: “I have, in his memory.” MARISHA: And what city is he in chains beneath? MATT: “Beneath Ank’harel in its deepest prisons.” ASHLEY: Did he tell you to take on his name? MATT: “No, it was bequeathed by the others left behind in his absence. They respect me, and as such, the Meat man is I.” LIAM: The name was simply meat-ed out. MARISHA: He’s totalling Dread Pirates Roberts-ing this shit. TALIESIN: The designs of the guns are out of the question. That doesn’t mean there aren’t things on the table.

MATT: “If not the designs, perhaps a few rifles and some ammunition. Something I can take back to my workers.” MARISHA: Here’s a question: Why did Allura come to you for information? MATT: “Oh, she didn’t come to me, but whispers came to me that she was seeking this information.” MARISHA: Right. So you have ears in all the right places. MATT: “Everywhere, my dear.” SAM: You said workers? Are you a foreman of some sort? MATT: “You could say that. I run a business in various goods. Some legal, and I make sure that clients get them in a very forthright manner.” TALIESIN: We’re sadly very protective of our copyrights, and my designs are not for reproduction. Attempts at reproducing them tend to end poorly. Many have tried; most have failed. If you wanted, perhaps, a few designed, that could have been a conversation, but so far, I’m not impressed by you. MATT: “Well then, we have nothing more to discuss, then. Come, Chod.” JON: Okay, see you guys later! LIAM: Before you leave-- prison. What was this other Meat Man’s offense? Do you know? JON: I don’t know. LIAM: You don’t know anything. JON: No, I don’t know a lot of stuff. He doesn’t tell me. LIAM: Do you like working for that guy? JON: Yeah, he’s great, he gives me money and food and mutton. MARISHA: What if we gave you money and food and mutton? LIAM: We have mutton. MARISHA: How much money does he give you? JON: I like working for him. He keeps me safe. SAM: What about this guy? LIAM: What about this guy? For Wildmount! Your brigade! SAM: I mean... LIAM: I mean, you got to start somewhere! MARISHA: You could recruit him! SAM: Wow. I mean-- LIAM: You were rough around the edges when we met you! JON: I feel like I should do earmuffs right now again. SAM: Yeah, I’m pretty sure I can do better than this guy. I mean, he’s really imposing and strong. Also, guys, not to split hairs here, but his boss is literally right there, listening to us. So maybe we shouldn't be talking about recruiting his employee. MATT: “Your shiny friend has a point.” TALIESIN: I’m quite surprised by the brazenness. What on earth made you think that we would sell these designs to you? You obviously are paying attention. MATT: “As you hopefully know, the intent of negotiation is to aim high.” TALIESIN: That’s fair. MATT: “Then bring your expectations. So perhaps not plans. But a few rifles, a pistol or two and some ammunition would be enough to outfit my team.” LAURA: A whole team. With one pistol. TALIESIN: One pistol can do a quite of bit. One pistol can go far. MARISHA: The problem is that once he has the designs, he can replicate them. LIAM: Reverse engineer. LAURA: I don’t think he would be able to reverse engineer it. MATT: “But I have my artisans at my disposal.” ASHLEY: Wait, why did you think we would want this information? MATT: “Well, if you don’t, I’m happy to leave. Make some business here, some gold and then be on my way. But I was informed that you, Vox Machina, so widely respected, so strong, so rich, so involved in yourselves and your worldwide endeavors, that perhaps a little more world-saving might be up your alley, but maybe I thought you wrong.” TALIESIN: How’s giving you one of my weapons world-saving? MATT: “Because the information I give you in return may help save the world.” LIAM: You sound like you know about the stakes involved. MATT: “Just what I’ve been whispered.” MARISHA: We’ve met a lot of doom-seers. You sure you can stand up to them? MATT: “I grow tired of this conversation. If this is a declination?” TALIESIN: At the very least, this is a conversation of whether or not you’re ever going to do business in this city again and what that business is going to look like. MATT: “Do not worry. You’ll not see this face in your precious Whitestone again.” He stands up. MARISHA: Can I do an insight check to see if I can glean any more of what he knows about this world-ending thing? MATT: Okay. Insight check. MARISHA: Natural 20. SAM: Whisper! TALIESIN: Earmuffs! Earmuffs! LAURA: Everybody earmuffs! LIAM: I mean, Tary, Grog is about as smart as a golden retriever and he does great.

SAM: I know! But this guy seems like he would lose a spelling bee to Grog. He’s really dumb! LAURA: Well, up until a few weeks ago, Grog couldn’t really spell, either. ASHLEY: We could hold a spelling bee! SAM: That’s true. MARISHA: Is he still walking away? MATT: He’s going over to the half-orc. He goes, “Come on, we’re leaving.” MARISHA: I look at Vex and Vax and them and I say, we know him. LAURA: Give it a moment. MARISHA: There’s something familiar about him. LAURA: I go and I follow him. MATT: Okay, he walks out. MARISHA: He knows more than he’s letting on. MATT: “Come!” JON: All right, I’m coming. You guys should really reconsider, that’s a word he just told me. I mean, he sounds scary and all, but it’s really awesome stuff he has to share if you guys could share back. Okay. See you. LAURA: I follow him right out of the room. MATT: Both of them walk out to the daylight and you follow. LAURA: Aes. MATT: He turns around. “Yes?” LAURA: I run up and I hug him. MATT: Okay! Full-body? LAURA: Just a big hug! And I go down. MATT: Okay. Immediately, instinctively, he backs up and you watch as Vex’s arms pass through the legs and thighs and grab onto something smaller on the inside. MARISHA: Motherfucker! SAM: (as Scanlan) Stop! Stop stop stop stop stop! Not here! Not here! Let’s go somewhere else. Now. Let’s go. TALIESIN: What?! What?! No! MARISHA: Motherfucker! Motherfucker! MATT: And let’s go ahead and take a break! (screaming)

TRAVIS: How dare you! I’m going to kill you!

MARISHA: Motherfucker!

TRAVIS: I hate you! MARISHA: Natural 20! TALIESIN: Oh, well done, you. MATT: We’re going to take a quick break, be right back here in a minute to pick this up. We’re going to go ahead and have a Twitch giveaway in the chatroom for this awesome Wyrmwood complete system. This includes a dice tray, a dice box, a couple of fun things. It’s Zebrawood, which is nice. But, to win this, you have to go into the Twitch chat. The code for this is ‘bardbarian.” B-A-R-D-B-A-R-I-A-N. Barbarian, but with bard-barian. Cool. So, we’ll see you guys back here in a few minutes. TRAVIS: You! Son of a *bitch!* LAURA: Oh my god!

Break
[break]

Part II
MATT: Hello, guys! And welcome back to tonight's episode of Critical Role! TRAVIS: Son of a bitch! MATT: (laughs) So picking up where we left off, Lionel, you just watched as this half-elf girl forcefully merged with part of your boss, and your boss starts freaking out as everyone else, you all spook in mid-daylight as you hear this familiar voice come through, saying... What did you say, again? SAM: They were all there? I thought she just followed me. TALIESIN: We were not there. MATT: Oh, it was just you. You guys were still inside the tavern. SAM: Is Lionel there, though? MATT: He left with you. JON: (gasps) SAM: Lionel. Please. Go back inside. JON: What did you do? What did you do? SAM: Go back inside the tavern? JON: Where's Aes? Where's Aes? SAM: I am still he. Please, go back inside the tavern. JON: Okay. SAM: Wait for me there. JON: They were nice people anyway. All right. MATT: So, Vex, you're now there, staring at the Danny Trejo-like visage of the Meat Man. SAM: I'll grab her by the hand and pull her into... Is there a back alley or a side place or a shadow anywhere? MATT: There's, maybe about 15 feet off, a little alley you could duck into, yeah. SAM: Come with me. LAURA: Of course. SAM: When we're safely off the street, I take off the Hat of Disguise and reveal myself. LAURA: Scanlan! SAM: Hi. LAURA: What are you doing? I mean, I knew it was you, but I thought you were going to reveal yourself to everyone. MATT: What you do notice about Scanlan... Definitely tanner skin; that scar you saw under the eye, still there on Scanlan, and the clothing and the outfit design is much more Marquesian than you recall. Definitely more Gilmore than Scanlan. LAURA: Have you been there the whole time? SAM: Not the whole time, but for much of it. I didn't know if I could talk to you all. LAURA: I hold his hand and just listen. SAM: There's a lot to talk about, but not here. I have appearances to keep up, I have people depending on me who work for me. LAURA: Are you really the Meat Man there? SAM: I am many things. LAURA: Darling. SAM: Well, I am. LAURA: Okay. SAM: Yes, I am, but it's not what you would think. I'm not a bad guy. This is not the place to talk about this. Listen to me. Vex, there will be a time to discuss this, but right now,

I'm casting Modify Memory on you. LAURA: Don't you do it. SAM: Yes. LAURA: Don't you do it! I push him against the wall. Can I break it? Can I break it before he does it? MATT: Make a wisdom saving throw. Actually, no, for this I'm going to have to ask you guys both to roll initiative. That's what this is going to come down to. MARISHA: Come on, Vex! SAM: That's not good. TALIESIN: Yes! LIAM: We got an actual dice roll in the game! LAURA: 24. SAM: Six. MATT: Okay. So he begins, after saying this, casting the spell. What do you do? LAURA: No! I grab his hands and cover his mouth! MATT: Okay. I'll say go ahead and make a concentration check, so make a constitution saving throw. I'm going to have you... Let's see, for this... Just roll a d20. SAM: Constitution saving throw? MATT: Yes. LAURA: Do I add to it? MATT: Roll a d20 and add your dex modifier to it. LAURA: Dex modifier or dex saving throw? MATT: Dex modifier. TALIESIN: No! No! MARISHA: No! TRAVIS: Oh, two ones! Two ones! LIAM: Everybody speechless. MATT: So as you go to push him into the wall, you accidentally hit between where his foot and the edge of the stone is and it causes you to stumble forward and slam into him. You fall over. You, in the process, she hits you in the side of the... SAM: Do we accidentally kiss? Is that what's going to happen here? MATT: Almost, but instead, you both accidentally end up elbowing the shit out of each other. She falls over, you tumble over her and become this tangled pile of soreness. The spell is lost. SAM: Damn it! MATT: However, you guys in the tavern, hear a (flurry of blows) against the wall on the outside. LIAM: I was starting to follow. I push the door open... SAM: You can't tell them! You can't tell them! LIAM: Holy shit! TALIESIN: I hear that and I start walking out. LIAM: Holy shit! LAURA: Shut up, shut up, shut up! Shush! MARISHA: I bust through right behind Vax. MATT: You guys all rush around to the alley. You dick! TALIESIN: Now I run. MARISHA: I knew you were familiar! LAURA: Everyone, shut up! Shut up, shut up. If you need to do something, change back, do it. SAM: How long does the hat take? MATT: It takes an action to do the spell. SAM: Okay. Hat on. (whoosh) LAURA: Appearances are important. ASHLEY: I make my way through. What's going on? MARISHA: No one talks about Scanlan being handsome as much as Scanlan does. That was your first giveaway, mister! LIAM: We're in an alleyway, though, off to the side, right? MATT: Yeah, you're in a dark alley. LIAM: Well, then I'm giving him a big fucking hug! SAM: It's hard to do, but yes. MATT: So, Lionel, everyone just charges out of the tavern, and you hear a big commotion and voices on the side. JON: What's going on, you guys? What's happening? Can I... I think they're attacking him. MATT: At this point, you watch as the other one is now grabbing him, merging. JON: Yeah, it looks like they're attacking. So I want to protect him. SAM: As he should. MATT: What are you going to do to protect him? TALIESIN: You can go ahead and just say. MATT: Are you going to scare them off, are you going to attack them? SAM: Kill them? JON: Yeah. No! I want to scare them away, and... MATT: Do you have an ability that does that? TALIESIN: Or you can try and intimidate us, and say something really scary, or make some noise. JON: No, I want to do the Frantic Flail. MATT: Okay, all right. So as you're hugging him, you guys watch as the half-orc turns the corner, spooks, and then, suddenly, you watch as something beneath the armor glows briefly, and he starts flapping his arms, going (honking) right at you. I need you to make a wisdom saving throw. TRAVIS: What? JON: It'll be explained later. LIAM: It's not... Does it have anything to do with charm, or sleep, by any chance? MATT: Nope. LIAM: No. Okay. All right. Oh, that's fine. 20. JON: Damn. MATT: Okay, so it doesn't spook you off, it's just a little weird, as this giant man is now honking and waving and flapping his arms at you. He doesn't seem to be affected by it, he just gives you a strange look. JON: Yeah. SAM: It's okay, stand down, Lionel. I can defend myself. JON: Because you know I'm good for... That normally works on everybody else. SAM: You are my best man, and I appreciate your concern, but these people pose no threat to us. LIAM: That is a really good accent. MARISHA: Yeah, you're so good at that. JON: What are they talking about, accent? SAM: They are beguiled by our foreign ways and they are scared of what they do not understand. LIAM: True. TALIESIN: That's true. I'm going to start walking back to the inn, and I'm going to start pouring a lot of drinks and putting them on the table. SAM: I do have information to share with you. LIAM: We want to hear all of that information. JON: You still have to give us the designs. No? LAURA: No. SAM: I mean. MARISHA: Why did you want the designs?

SAM: Percival's guns are really cool, and I've always wanted to have some of my own, and I used all of my ammunition over the year, and now I just have this pistol. And I produce the pistol. But it has no bullets! I don't know how to make any more bullets! I need more bullets! MARISHA: Are you a mafia don, Scanlan? Are you a bad guy? SAM: I'll take off the hat. MATT: Okay. Lionel, you watch as your boss for the past five months shifts into this tiny little man. SAM: Lionel, we'll talk about this later. JON: (screams) SAM: I have many forms and I am-- Did you just piss your pants? JON: I'll go stand in the corner now. SAM: I have many forms and I master magic that you will never understand, but know this: The money I pay you is real, so you still work for me. JON: That's true. Okay, I'm good. SAM: All right. Just hang tight. I mean, you can stay, stay here. Mop yourself up or something. You're a good man. I'm sorry I do these things to you. JON: You're so tiny, though. SAM: I'm strong of heart. JON: You haven't been that strong, but anyway. MARISHA: I pull Chod, Chard, Chode... JON: Lionel. MARISHA: Lionel. I pull Lionel aside. And I grab him by the face, and I say, we need you to be coherent and honest during this. And I cast Enhance Ability and give him Owl's Wisdom. MATT: Okay. JON: I'll take that. I'm not going to fight back. MARISHA: It increases your wisdom. You get advantage on wisdom. SAM: Yeah, but now I can't erase his fucking memory. LAURA: You've just been going crazy with that Modify Memory, haven't you? SAM: Hey, man, it's my bag of tricks, all right? LIAM: So are we going to do this in an alleyway, or are we going to go get a drink, and you tell us where the fuck you've been? LAURA: Should we go inside? It's an empty fucking bar. SAM: Okay. Let's go back inside the tavern, but just know this. He doesn't drink, all right? LAURA: Sure. LIAM: Whatever. Come on. We want to hear what you've been doing for a year. Come on! SAM: All right. JON: Thank you for remembering. SAM: You're my guy. MATT: You guys make your way back into the tavern. TALIESIN: It is set up. MATT: You now have the delightful experience of roleplaying two characters, Sam, in the same scene. LIAM: Boy, that's got to suck. MATT: Welcome to my world. JON: I can kill Taryon. SAM: I have to go check on Doty! Look at the time! Good-bye! LAURA: Look, this is that guy we were telling you about for so long. SAM: The skeevy asshole that you always talk about? TALIESIN: Yes, the skeevy asshole, that would be the one. SAM: He's pretty handsome. TALIESIN: You would say that, wouldn't you? ASHLEY: I think I'll go with you, Tary. LAURA: Pike... ASHLEY: It's fine. TRAVIS: Yeah. I'll go, too. SAM: What? All right. TALIESIN: I want to listen. LIAM: I'm curious. Talk to us, man. SAM: All right. LAURA: Talk to them. Don't let them leave. SAM: You all can stay. It's been a while. TRAVIS: It has. SAM: Yes. Yes, just stay. It's fine. MARISHA: Is it, though, Scanlan? TALIESIN: What would you have done if I had just decided to open fire on you? LAURA: I would've stopped you, darling. I knew it was him right away. SAM: I would've done what Scanlan would always do. I would've won and killed you. I mean, I'm super powerful and awesome. TALIESIN: Yes. But really. This was not a good plan. MARISHA: Scanlan, there are some hurt feelings in this room, and it might be time to address those. SAM: I know. I know. But for now, let's just catch up. What have you guys been up to for the last year? LIAM: No, no, no. After you, dear. After you. MARISHA: I'm chief of my people! SAM: Oh, you did your Aramente! MARISHA: I did! I wish you were there! I mentioned you and everything in my speech. SAM: You did? MARISHA: Yeah! SAM: That sounds nice. MARISHA: Yeah! SAM: Anybody else ascend to new heights? No? TALIESIN: Yes. SAM: Yes? TALIESIN: Yes. None of your business at the moment. Tell us your business. LIAM: Where have you been? SAM: I went traveling a bit. I did what gnomes do, I went into the forest with Kaylie.

ASHLEY: Oh, is that what gnomes do? They go into the forest? I'm so sorry, please continue. SAM: Forest gnomes do. And we talked, and we sang songs, and we camped, not in the mansion, just in a tent. We had some good times and bad times together, and eventually we found our way to Ank'harel, and some stuff happened, yadda yadda, and I'm here now, you know. LAURA: I try to pass my hand through Lionel's stomach to see if he's actually Kaylie. SAM: Is he? JON: You feel tons of abs. It bounces off and hits you in the face with your own hand. TALIESIN: I was with you on that one. LAURA: Serious, serious abs. LIAM: Where's Kaylie now? SAM: She's with me, yeah? No, did we leave her back there? MATT: Kaylie's in Ank'harel. Essentially, you... SAM: She is... It's complicated, but right now, she is the Meat Man. She is back in Ank'harel, taking on the business while I'm off here. LIAM: How are you two doing? SAM: Pretty good. We're a good team. Yeah. MARISHA: Does she like you now? SAM: ‘Like’ is a strong word. TALIESIN: It's really not. JON: ‘Love’ is a stronger word. That's why people use ‘like’. LIAM: There's that Owl's Wisdom right there. JON: Whoa. What just happened? TALIESIN: You have advantage on wisdom saving throws. JON: It's weird. It's new to me. SAM: We're fine, she and I. We're a team, and she's taught me some stuff, and I've taught her some stuff, and we operate together. MARISHA: And what kind of operation do you operate? SAM: We went to Ank'harel to get a little simple revenge, and it turned into something more than that, and I didn't mean to, but I guess I became one of the three largest crime bosses in Ank'harel. LIAM: In a year. SAM: Eight months, really. We traveled around close to here. We were only 20 miles away for most of the first couple of months, and then it took us time to get there. Don't worry, though, I'm not a bad guy. I just sell things, trinkets, furniture, art pieces, antiquities, that sort of thing. LIAM: Nothing dangerous? SAM: Nothing dangerous. All fake. MARISHA: And to whom do you sell these things? SAM: Rat bastards. People who deserve it. People with money to burn, and people who have done wrong in their lives. I take some back. LIAM: Why now? Why have you come back? Not that I'm not overjoyed to see you, but I'm curious. SAM: I had information, and you had to know it. It's important. We found another one. Lionel did. The ziggurat. LAURA: Did you go inside? JON: Another? You didn't tell me there was more! SAM: No, no, I mean, there's the one you found, and then there's one here. JON: (gasps) SAM: Yes. Will you tell them what you saw? JON: Well, me and my buddies, we went inside this... SAM: Can I clarify, these are all hired men of mine. They're not his buddies. I pay them all. LIAM: Could be both. SAM: I mean, maybe they're friends now, but, okay. JON: Well, no, they're dead now. SAM: That's fair. JON: I guess, if they weren't buddies, then I shouldn't feel bad anymore. The bad feelings will go away. We went inside the mountain, following some people that... Do I call you Aes, or? SAM: That's fine. JON: Okay. Aes here told us to follow some people.

SAM: I had learned of someone new coming into town and stealing some magical artifacts and leaving some dead bodies, and it wasn't my organization, and it wasn't any of the other two leading crime organizations, I found out through my whispers. So it was someone new, and I wanted to find out who it was, so I sent Lionel, my best man, and his buddies to investigate. TALIESIN: There was a comma there. JON: So, yeah, and he knew he could trust us because we're awesome. We were going to go get some information. So we followed them into this big tunnel that goes into the mountain. We had to go through, it took a long time and we had to fight a lot of cool stuff along the way, but nothing important to this. SAM: I mean, all the details are good, just, when you tell a story, lots of details. JON: Lots of details? SAM: Yeah, yeah, paints a picture. JON: Well, I've never been good at stories. MARISHA: You're doing great. JON: But when we got to the middle, we found a big giant pyramid. Or a ziggy-star-- what? SAM: Ziggy stardust. JON: Is that what you call it? SAM: Ziggurat. LIAM: Pyramid's good. We're with you, yeah. JON: We found a pyramid, and we saw all these guys hanging around it, and right at the top of the pyramid was this big black ball. It looked like a pearl, but it was giant. It was at the top of the pyramid, and these guys, wearing these really cool but scary hoods and robes, they were throwing stuff on the black orb, and it was breaking and absorbing the stuff. And then this one guy-- MARISHA: What were they throwing in? JON: Oh, it was anything. Some of them threw treasure, some of them threw some real animals. Alive. SAM: And a person. JON: I was getting to that! SAM: Sorry, sorry, I don't want to cut you off. Keep going. Keep going. JON: And then one of the guys actually jumped in and it absorbed him. LAURA: Did it look like he was in pain? JON: No, it just went (sucking sound). And he was gone. And then I had to get out of there. By then my buddies, they were dead and taken away. So I was the only lone survivor, and that's why you can count on me the most. He knew I would survive. Is that why you sent them? Because you knew only I would survive? SAM: I assumed that... Yes? JON: See, I'm the best. So that's what I saw. LAURA: Was it a lot of guys? JON: There was a whole bunch of these guys in robes. It was really creepy. SAM: And dark hoods, executioner-style. JON: Yes, matching robes, and I got a really creepy feeling when I saw it, besides being in the middle of a mountain. LIAM: Roughly how many? JON: Oh, I don't know. I mean, it was dark. LIAM: More than us? JON: More than you. MATT: When you were there, there would've been about 12 or 13 of them there. TALIESIN: That's a lot of matching robes. LIAM: And they all looked the same? Nobody looked a little more important than the others? JON: I couldn't see their faces, I couldn't see. They were all covered in these robes. It felt like... LAURA: How long ago was this? JON: This was a couple months ago. I mean, you know, I lost track of time when we were on the ship. SAM: It's a couple weeks. (laughter) JON: I was asleep for most of the ship ride. I was pretty sick. LAURA: I get sick, too. I understand. SAM: It was hard to tell. His face is always green, so we couldn't really tell. JON: You guys were good. You guys gave me all the leftover stew that you had. LAURA: So, wait, and then you saw Allura there? That's bullshit? MATT: No, that was all bullshit. SAM: No, I'm sorry. I lied to you. LAURA: Oh. Oh, you suddenly lied to us. Wow, I feel so shocked. SAM: I didn't know. Listen, I wanted to tell you this information, but I didn't know how to do so. I still don't know what's going to happen. You all might draw your knives and kill me right now, I just wanted to get this information... JON: No, they won't kill you. I promise. SAM: Thank you. LIAM: No one wants to kill you. ASHLEY: Well, that's debatable. TALIESIN: You tried to get me to give you my gun designs? SAM: Just some ammo. TALIESIN: For what? SAM: For my gun that I have. TALIESIN: You have a gun? SAM: Yeah. MARISHA: He stole it from you. LAURA: Remember?

MARISHA: No, you gave it to him! TALIESIN: No, I didn't give it to him. JON: Do you want it back? SAM: No, please don't give it back. LIAM: What's your best-case scenario here? What did you hope would happen? You'd come and tell us these things and then what happens next? SAM: You would go investigate. LIAM: With you? SAM: No. You would go investigate and I would go back to my job. MARISHA: So you're just here to be an errand boy. That's all you want. To help us out. SAM: Yes. MARISHA: You traveled to a separate hemisphere to be a messenger. JON: It was only a couple weeks. ASHLEY: Can I insight-check him? MATT: Sure. ASHLEY: 23. SAM: 37. LIAM: He's back. MATT: Hard to read. SAM: I've thought about you all a lot, during this year, and I owe you all an apology for leaving you, and I don't know what I'll ever do to make it up to you. LAURA: We deserved it. SAM: No, you didn't. TALIESIN: No, we didn't. SAM: There was a night. There was a night early on, a few weeks after I left you. It was just me and Kaylie by a campfire, and she was asking me about myself and my life, and she has this thing. I don't know if it's a spell or a special ability, but she can always tell when I'm lying. She's the only one. And I was trying to spin some sort of bullshit to her about my past, and she called me on it, and said, the truth. Let me hear it. And I told her everything. I told her about all the lives I had ruined, and about the women, and about all the other Kaylies out there that I know of, and the ones that I can only assume exist. And everything. And she spat at me, and she gave me this scar with her knife, and she left. And I thought that was it. I had ruined it. But before dawn, she came back, and she unrolled her bedding, and she went to sleep, and woke up the next morning, and said, what's for breakfast, Dad? And I realized that I've been wrong, that you don't leave your shit behind and keep going. You take it with you, and the ones you surround yourself with better get used to the smell. And she stayed with me despite all my flaws. And when I left you all, it was the first time that I had realized that you were all really flawed people. Really flawed people. And I left. And I did not come back. And I was wrong, because family sticks around even if you kind of hate the other person. And I didn't. I betrayed you. And I've lived with that shame for a year. LIAM: Are you happier now? SAM: Well, I have a purpose. I have a job. People depend on me. Strong people, like this guy. That's you. JON: Me? SAM: Yeah. And smart people, and Kaylie. And I'm a pretty big shot. JON: You're not so big anymore. SAM: Well, it's a metaphor. LAURA: You always were. LIAM: That doesn't sound too bad to me. MARISHA: Did you not feel like you had a purpose when you were with Vox Machina? I'm not judging you in the moment. SAM: I knew I was part of something, but I always thought I was... I've been a storyteller, but I didn't think I was part of the story. And for the last year I've been the story, and it's felt good. But I'm back, and I've given you the information, and you can tell me what you'd like me to do next. MARISHA: You know, there is a point that we are all family, but we are also all friends, and there is that old saying, be careful of the friends that drag you down. Maybe we were dragging you down. TALIESIN: I'm going to put some pistol shot in a small bag. What's Kaylie's mother's name? What is it? I toss it to him. Dick. And I leave. For the record, it's Sybil. ASHLEY: I think I hear something. Do you hear that? It sounds like small little violins that I hear. Do you hear that? TRAVIS: Yeah. JON: I don't hear anything.

(laughter) ASHLEY: I forgot I had to talk to Percy about something. Bye. Good to see you. MARISHA: You know, you've broken a lot of hearts, Scanlan. I think you're still a heartbreaker. And I leave with them. LAURA: I think they'll come around. SAM: I doubt it. LIAM: No, I think she's right. LAURA: I think more than anything they've just missed you, darling. LIAM: Can I tell you a secret? All this last year, I've known we would see you again. LAURA: He's full of shit. He totally said that you were never coming back. I knew. LIAM: It's good to see you again. SAM: It's good to see you all. I don't really know what to do now. I have... I really don't know what to do now. And that's a new feeling for me. I have information. We should travel back to Ank'harel so I can show you. LAURA: Of course. SAM: And maybe then you all can decide what to do. Whether to part ways, as friends or enemies. But I can help you. I know people there, and I can get you safe passage, fine accommodations, the best food, even some realistic-looking antiques. LAURA: Ooh. I like it. SAM: Grog? TRAVIS: I leave. LIAM: Give him time. LAURA: Scanlan. I think you need to talk to them. Pike didn't get to say a word to you when you left. Grog was... LIAM: Grog. LAURA: Grog was hurt. SAM: All right. Should I go now? I should give them some time. LAURA: Maybe a little bit of breathing room, and then, yeah. SAM: Okay. LIAM: Little steps. SAM: Lionel. Thanks for sitting through all this. I really appreciate it. JON: I was just telling stories in my head again. SAM: Oh, really? The good ones or the bad ones? JON: The bad ones. They just pop in there. SAM: I'm sorry. I know you've had a bit of a rough life. JON: Are you wanting me to talk about my life? SAM: No, no, no, you don't have to. We're already weird right now, so I'm cool. MARISHA: Can we go to sleep now? MATT: Okay. SAM: It's eight AM. MARISHA: Everyone's emotionally tired. MATT: Right. TALIESIN: So are we going to see an orb in the morning? MATT: It's midday at this point, so you guys all go to your separate rooms and take time to yourselves independently, converse amongst individually. TALIESIN: Pike, Grog, do you want a drink? TRAVIS: Yeah. ASHLEY: Yeah. LIAM: Oh, I was just about to ask you the same thing. LAURA: Oh. Well, I mean, yeah. TALIESIN: Grog, I want to go find that orb. MARISHA: What? The orb in Ank'harel? Are we all talking over our headpieces? I think that's what we're doing. LAURA: I'm sure Scanlan still has his. He can probably hear us talking right now. ASHLEY: Scanlan, can you hear me now? I take out my earpiece. MARISHA: He's a dick, he can hear us. I know the range of these things. TRAVIS: Yeah, I take off my earpiece, too. TALIESIN: I kind of want to go work the blood out, Scanlan or not. I like Lionel. He's funny. LIAM: We're all agreed on that, at least. MARISHA: Are we supposed to be angry, or sad, or happy? I don't know what all these feelings are all at once. TALIESIN: You can have them all at once. MARISHA: Can I? TALIESIN: Yes. They're not exclusive. TRAVIS: Percy. Where would someone like him stay in Whitestone? SAM: Where are you guys right now, by the way? TALIESIN: We just went to the closest pub. SAM: Is Lionel with them? MATT: Lionel's left behind with you unless you gave him instructions otherwise. He's your bodyguard. SAM: Would you like to go with them or stay with me in my sad room? JON: I'll go with them. (laughter)

MATT: You guys sit down, you get your drinks, and right as you're about to have this conversation, Lionel just moseys up to the table. The barmaid's like, "Um..." TALIESIN: He learned a lot about his employer today, I have no problem with him being here. MARISHA: Yeah, he needs a drink. MATT: "Can I get you some wine, ale, beer? What would you like?" TALIESIN: Fruit juice, maybe? JON: Do you have chocolate milk? TALIESIN: We do have hot cocoa. MATT: "I'll see what I can do." She walks away. TALIESIN: Hot cocoa is doable. We've done hot cocoa before. MARISHA: And security blankets. TALIESIN: It's the orange blanket wrap. Grog. TRAVIS: Uh-huh. TALIESIN: What do you think? TRAVIS: Lionel. Real strong, are you? JON: I'm really strong. I don't know a lot of things, but I think I know that. TRAVIS: Aes. Does he depend on you? JON: He does. TRAVIS: How long have you known him? JON: Probably about... Well, I'm not really good with years, or days or months, but probably a lot of days. Maybe a year. TRAVIS: How strong do you think you are? JON: The other day I tried to high-five a-- TRAVIS: I reach across the table and I just punch him in the face. MATT: All right. Roll for an attack. LIAM: I love the malice radiating this way, and the absolute lack of recognition. MARISHA: It stops here. It stops at the camera line.

TRAVIS: 24. MATT: So what’s your armor class? JON: 18. MATT: 18. Go ahead and roll, for this here, I'd say a d4. Why not? Because you guys are pretty beefy. A d4 and add your strength modifier. TRAVIS: Nine. Ten, sorry. MATT: He comes across and cold cocks you in the chin. You take ten points of damage from a single punch. You feel a looseness to one of your back teeth, and the white hits you, and your vision clears for a second, and you look over and you see the beefy, gray-skinned goliath, his fist still extended as he pulls it back, staring right at you. JON: Whoa, that hurt! TRAVIS: Yeah. This bar, there's a lot more where that came from. All you can eat, yeah. JON: Show me! That was awesome! TRAVIS: Rage. LAURA: Oh no! Oh no. TRAVIS: Total rage. LIAM: We're not here. LAURA: Yes, we are. LIAM: I thought you and I-- I asked... LAURA: I thought we all said we went. LIAM: They all left, we were behind. This is the problem when everybody's thoughts are in different heads. MATT: Do you guys want to be in the same bar or not, that's my question right now. LAURA: We don't have to be. Okay, then no. We're not there, then. MATT: Okay, so you're not there. This is happening between you guys. Grog goes into a rage. TRAVIS: Are we at a bar? At a table? MATT: You guys are in a tavern. There's a few people, and as soon as that punch happened, a few people were like, "Ooh!" in the background, and as soon as you stand up and go into a rage, people begin to back out of the way. Tables are being pushed to the side. TALIESIN: I'm pulling gold out to pay for this. JON: I think it's awesome. I'm like, I want to fight back. But not-- it's play for me, now. MATT: So then, I want you guys both to roll initiative. MARISHA: Grog, don't kill him! Grog, don't kill him! JON: What's my initiative? Oh, plus one. So what is that, a six? That's a nine. So ten? TALIESIN: Yep. JON: Ten. TRAVIS: 14. MATT: All right, so as you get up, you're like "All right!" And this guy-- you're used to being the biggest guy in the room. He's a little bigger than you. SAM: I, Taryon Darrington, rolled a 14. JON: You're not here. SAM: I'm with you guys. MATT: He did come with them, yeah. JON: I thought you said-- Oh, Taryon. SAM: I'm Taryon Darrington. I stand up and I say, I've seen this before. He will attack brutally. Drink this. And I shove a Swift Step draught in his mouth. You can run 80 feet now every turn. MATT: All right, so you can move pretty fast if you want to. MARISHA: Keyleth is just watching intently, and more importantly watching Grog, making sure he doesn't actually beat him to death. We'll stop this if it gets bad. ASHLEY: I take a seat on a bar stool and just start drinking. TALIESIN: Yeah, we're sitting next to you. MATT: As you're preparing, Grog, this guy who's a little larger than you are, and as soon as he stands up you're like, "Oh!" And he's quicker than you thought. Grog, what do you do? TRAVIS: Are we at a table or the bar? MATT: You are, yeah. TRAVIS: At a table or at the bar? MATT: Oh, you were at a table within the bar. TRAVIS: Magnificent. I flip up the table in my hands and I smash it over his head. MATT: Okay, go ahead and roll for an attack. TALIESIN: That doesn't belong to you. That's coming out of my coffer. TRAVIS: 25. MATT: 25, okay. That hits. Go ahead and roll another d4. JON: So I'm quick but not that quick. TRAVIS: 12. MATT: 12 points of bludgeoning damage to you as he smashes the table over your head. Lionel, the wood splinters and breaks around you, and you hear the crack of the broken wood, and you can feel the splinters shred across the edge of your shoulders, causing the burst of warmth and blood begin to flow to the top of your shoulders, and you're like, "Oh, this is exhilarating." All right. That's your turn? All right, Lionel, you're up. JON: Okay! To fight? TALIESIN: You can do anything you like. JON: Yeah, I definitely want to fight back because this is fun. TALIESIN: Cool. Here to help. MATT: It's a bonus action to rage if you want. JON: Yeah, but I like the-- What? MATT: It's a bonus action to rage, if you want to do that. JON: Yeah, I saw his rage, and I-- no, I'm going to rage, because I want to mimic. Like, hey, I can rage, too! Watch this! So do I roll that? MATT: No, no. You're now raging, so now your muscles swell, the veins bulge out, with this big grin on his mouth. When Grog's raging, Grog's angry rage. He's happy rage. JON: Oh, check it out! You can see my veins go (jingling). MATT: So what do you want to do for your turn? JON: I want to go and do... So I run up to him, and I go to do the really cool thing I heard in a cool story where I twist up my fist and I go (whoosh) (pow). I’ve always wanted to try this, and this looks like a better time than ever to try it out. MATT: So, roll for an attack and it’s plus ten. We’ll say plus ten for this. JON: 17. MATT: What’s your AC? 17? Go ahead and roll a d4 and your strength modifier, which I think is a plus five. JON: And what am I looking for what? TALIESIN: And you add five for your strength, so you got-- JON: So, eight. MATT: So, eight points of bludgeoning damage. You take four, Grog. SAM: Plus three damage. MATT: Oh, plus three damage on top of that! So, eight, so 11. Sorry, you take five. SAM: He takes half-damage. But you did great. MATT: You’re both raging. You’re both taking the lesser damage of each hit. SAM: You get two attacks, but you’re raging, so you get a third attack? MATT: No, Grog has an ability. He has a different-- he’s not a frenzy barbarian. SAM: But, he does get two attacks. MATT: He does get two attacks. So you get to attack again. JON: This time, I run around him because I’m super quick and like using this new speed I’ve never experienced. And I jump on his back for a round and I try to choke him. TALIESIN: Grapple. MATT: Go ahead and roll an athletics check. TALIESIN: That plus ten. JON: 23. MATT: You go ahead and roll an athletics or acrobatics check to resist it. SAM: Oh, shit, this is huge. TRAVIS: That’s not great. That’s a 14. MATT: 14. You leap up behind him and put your arm up under. His jaw’s like concrete, but you still find the one soft part and jam your bulging forearm up into that space and you feel the windpipe (choke) close and clench in. TRAVIS: (choking sounds) MATT: And your really, really fast feet are now dangling about two inches off the ground as you’re on his back right now. That’s the end of your turn. You’re currently grappled right now, Grog, what are you going to do? TRAVIS: (choking sounds) I’m going to put it in reverse straight towards the wall. MATT: Go ahead and roll. Are you just going to stay holding on as you’re doing it? JON: Yeah. Yeah. Because this is the first piggyback he’s ever had. MATT: It’s kind of fun for a second before you hit the wood. Wham! I’ll say, go ahead and roll a strength saving throw to see if you can maintain the hold after the slam. JON: 18. MATT: 18. Okay, I’d say that’s enough for the strength of the hold. So he keeps holding on after the slam in the back. Anything else you’re going to do with your turn? TRAVIS: My action. I take my elbow, raise it up and drive it into ribs. MATT: Okay, roll for an attack. TRAVIS: Yeah, that’s a 28. MATT: Yeah, so 1d4. SAM: Now he has to roll damage. TRAVIS: Ten. MATT: So, ten damage halved to five and you have an ability as reaction, if you remember. It’s in your totem abilities that you can use as a reaction. JON: Oh! Off a Duck’s Back! MARISHA: Off a Duck’s Back?! JON: The duck is my animal totem, you guys. I can explain that later. MATT: So, as you go to slam him with your elbow, you hit, but you feel like your elbow slips off his body and doesn’t quite do the damage you hoped it would. So you take two points of damage. JON: Sweet! TALIESIN: Covered in duck butter. LIAM: It’s the saxophone player from Lost Boys: greased up! TRAVIS: For my second attack, can I throw my head back in a headbutt? MATT: Go for it, roll for an attack. TRAVIS: Yeah, 23. MATT: All right, so go ahead and roll 1d4 plus strength. TRAVIS: 11. MATT: 11. So you take five points of bludgeoning damage, because you can only use that reaction once per round. JON: I took five points. MATT: You have to use an action to try to break free of a grapple. So, you took five, yeah. So, now it’s back to your turn. He slammed you into the wall, he’s elbowed you twice in the stomach, you’ve resisted some of it, you’re still holding him there. JON: Okay. MATT: So, if you wanted to, because of one of the feats you have, you could turn that into a pin if you wanted to. JON: One of the feats I have? MATT: Yeah, it’s on the bottom. JON: Now this is turning into a wrestling match, I like that. MATT: Or you could just keep whaling on him. JON: I want to take him out. Not kill. He’s just having fun. MARISHA: It’s going down in the Whole Foods parking lot! JON: So I’m still hanging on him. MATT: Yeah, you’re holding onto him by throat, he slammed you against the wall, he’s elbowed you in the stomach twice. JON: I’m, again, having fun, superspeed. I’m going to, while holding onto him, crawl up his back and jump over and try to land and try to do the move where I do that and throw him.

ALL: Yeah! JON: Yeah, against one of the pillars in the bar, away from the innocent people. MATT: Make an athletics check. And you have advantage on this because you're raging, so you roll twice and take the higher of the two. JON: Oh, it's just the best? TALIESIN: Roll again. Yeah, roll again, best of two. Better! JON: 22. MATT: Okay, 22. Grog, I'm going to say, because you're grappled, go ahead and roll an athletics check with disadvantage. TRAVIS: You got it. MATT: It should be one roll, because you're raging, you also get advantage on it, technically. TRAVIS: Just one roll? 24. MATT: 24. You reach off, you leap over and you grab him and you go to pull and it's like pulling a pillar. Not budging. You can try again if you want to, or do something else. MARISHA: Oh, because he has a second... MATT: He has a second attack, yeah. JON: I tried to jump over, so now I'm just-- Actually, I did the flip but I didn't pull him, so now I'm just hanging on the front of him. I'm still holding on, but now I'm in front of him, dangling. MATT: He's stand-spooning you. TRAVIS: What is this? JON: Yeah, so now I-- SAM: Reverse pile-drive. TALIESIN: Go for it! Don't think, act! JON: Well, I want to start-- MARISHA: What would Chode do? JON: Well, this is play for him, so I don't know, this is not an attack, I just want to tickle him. Kind of grinding on him. In a way, try to use that to his advantage to make him uncomfortable. MATT: Make an intimidation check. JON: That's an intimidation, okay. MATT: Against Grog? Yeah. JON: 27. TALIESIN: Oh! Grog's ticklish! MATT: Grog, make a wisdom saving throw. TRAVIS: Minus two. Four. JON: You guys get what I'm doing. MATT: I'm going to say, for the purpose of this, it catches you so off-guard and it's so unexpected that you're stunned for the next round. ALL: Oh! MATT: As you do that, you see him walk up and he starts pushing you away. JON: Does he let go? I can let go now. MATT: You can let go, yeah. He's like, "Uh, uh!" You get a full other turn, what are you going to do? JON: Can I run back, and then do a (yelling) and then I just dive in with the biggest punch I can. MATT: Go for it. You back away, you leap-- JON: Yeah, everything I can put into it, all force, because I still want to get a good punch in there. MATT: Yeah, go ahead and roll for an attack. If you want it, you can make it reckless. JON: Yeah, he's definitely reckless. MATT: So roll twice and take the higher on each attack. JON: 15. What is that? TALIESIN: That's a 20. SAM: Oh, that crits! MATT: Go ahead and roll a d4. TALIESIN: He's also got Brutal Critical, so that adds 2d6 to that, but we'll get to that. MATT: Technically, it would add a d4, because he's not using his sword. So, roll that twice and then add your strength. JON: 15. SAM: But he's raging, so another three. JON: 16. MATT: 16 points of bludgeoning damage to you, Grog. That's eight. TRAVIS: Eight, got it. LAURA: How are you doing, Grog? Are you still okay? Are you bloodied yet? SAM: He's down 22 hit points. MATT: As your first attack, you run in. Right as soon as he looks up, you're smiling as you come at him. You watch as the beard shakes in opposition of the jaw quiver and you feel and can taste the iron welling up in the back of your tongue as you may have bitten off a small piece of the back of your tongue. As soon as you land from that punch, he looks a little stunned. You have a second attack if you want to. JON: I'm going to do my Wave Kick. That's just something he's always wanted to try, he doesn't know if it'll work. It's where he does a full-body-- and then his foot kicks him right in the groin. MATT: Awesome. You've practiced this alone many times, this is your first chance to actually use it. So go ahead and make an attack for your Wave Kick. JON: Right in the crotch. LIAM: Lionel, with his nunchucks, in the family den. MATT: Basically. JON: So just an attack? MATT: Well, it's reckless, so you roll twice, take the higher. TALIESIN: Roll again. Better. JON: 17. MATT: So go ahead and roll a d4 and add your damage. JON: One. SAM: Plus five is six? TALIESIN: No, you only roll the d4 once. SAM: So one plus five plus three. MATT: Okay, so nine. You take four points of bludgeoning damage, Grog, and you just took a swift Wave Kick to the groin, as he kind of (whack). Little snap right to the nuts, so it's not like an immediate pain, it's the tap. The dull nausea pain, and he seems to shake a little from the impact as he kinda grins and glares at you with his angry eyes. Well done. Grog? ASHLEY: (deadpan) Grog, stop, no, don't kill him. TRAVIS: I'm so confused. I've never had another male do that to my body. He shimmied on me. And then he punched me. And then he kicked me in the jellies. I turn around and I leave. (gasping) MATT: He just walked away. SAM: It's over? JON: That was fun, you guys. That was fun. TALIESIN: Do you want to go deal with that? JON: I was just having fun. Is he all right? TALIESIN: He'll be fine. MARISHA: I've never seen Grog walk away from a fight. He's not fine. What are you talking about? TALIESIN: I didn't say he's fine, I said he will be fine. SAM: I'm pretty sure this makes you a member of Vox Machina now. TALIESIN: Let's not get ahead of ourselves. SAM: Well, that's what happened to me, they attacked me and then I was in. TALIESIN: There was chocolate milk on the way. MATT: You see the woman in the back is carrying this mug and is like, "Right." SAM: He'll need a straw. MATT: "Here's your chocolate milk." JON: Anybody else want to fight? ASHLEY: I punch him across the face. (cheering) MATT: You get the chocolate milk to your mouth, before (impact sound) knocks it right out of your hand. TALIESIN: Were you standing on the table when this happened? I'm so excited. MATT: And you watch, the fist comes across, and the gnome that is in arc of movement lands on her feet. You look down and you can see the white-haired, fully armored gnome there with her big gauntlets is now there below you, kind of grinning and growling. MARISHA: That was good chocolate milk! TALIESIN: We'll have another. JON: I'm bummed about the chocolate. You guys have any more chocolate milk? MATT: "Yeah." TALIESIN: Another round. MATT: "Okay." She wanders off. MARISHA: Chocolate's expensive, here. JON: That was awesome. TALIESIN: She can take it. ASHLEY: I'm pretty awesome. I finish my ale, flick a money on the bar, and leave. Oh shit, I don't have any money, because I gave it all away. Tary, Tary? TALIESIN: I'm covering, I'm covering. SAM: Thank you, because I don't have much. MATT: She goes, "And the table?" TALIESIN: Sorry. There's a pile that's been growing on the table of gold for the furniture. MATT: "All right, thank you." Brings you another round of chocolate milk. JON: Is anybody going to hit me before I drink this? TALIESIN: No, I think that's done now. JON: I'm not, like, I'm not checking. It's fine if you do. Okay. MARISHA: Just drink it first. TALIESIN: I think it's chocolate milk time. JON: Mmm. TALIESIN: Maybe I drink too much. I'm not sure. This is really nice. JON: I just want to say, you guys, this is the most fun I've had in a long time. Aes, or you guys call him Scanlan? TALIESIN: Aes is fine, Aes is fine. JON: He's all I've known for the past year, you know. He took me in when, you know, things weren't going too well for me. And it's been great. He had a really cool speech about family, I've never heard him talk like that. It was kind of weird, because he's always been this really tough guy, but I don't know if you guys realize that I just found out that he lied to me for a year. TALIESIN: No, we know. It's why we took you to a bar. He's lied to us, too. JON: Well, I know that he lied to you, and I just found out that he lied to me, but it's okay.

MARISHA and TALIESIN: Yeah. JON: Because I realise that he was always there, and even though I worked for him, and, you know, he told me what to do, and would bark orders, he always had my back, and he was the only one who took care of me. So I think you guys should, like, be nice to him. Or-- TALIESIN: That's the trouble, he does always have your back, until he doesn't. MARISHA: The idiot has a point. SAM: Well, let's not call names. JON: What's an idiot? MARISHA: Oh hey, Tary. SAM: Yes. MARISHA: You're still here. SAM: Yes. I am. TALIESIN: I get confused because of the cup. MARISHA: I know. SAM: Taryon Darrington, pleased to make your acquaintance. Hi. I'm going to be leaving soon. (laughter) JON: Can I kick you in the nuts? SAM: Uh, please don't. I'm very dainty. JON: Okay. TALIESIN: Extremely dainty. JON: You guys seem like you all enjoy that kind of stuff, it's awesome. TALIESIN: Well, you've met the couple that do. MARISHA: You're not wrong. MARISHA: Only Scanlan can make Vox Machina speechless. It's happened a few times tonight. Did you notice that? TALIESIN: Hadn't. MARISHA: I did. TALIESIN: I'm really angry. MARISHA: What do we do? TALIESIN: I want to go see that bloody orb. MARISHA: Hey, Chode? JON: Mm? TALIESIN: Lionel. MARISHA: Sorry. TALIESIN: You're so good about this normally. JON: It's all right. At least you guys are remembering one of my names. I had to come up with a couple-- I used to have ten, just to make it easier for people to even call me a name. TALIESIN: I have quite a few names myself. MARISHA: Chard? Where did you come from before you met Scanlan? JON: Well, I lived in the desert. I woke up, I don't remember much when I was a baby. I'm sure you guys all remember when you were babies, but-- SAM: Nope. Usually not. JON: I always thought that's how it was done. SAM: Nope. Nobody does. So far, so good. TALIESIN: Don't break him, please. JON: But the only thing I knew, I was orphaned, I didn't-- I never know my parents, ‘cause I woke up in a basket, in a small creek, and the only thing that was there were ducks. SAM: Wait, wait-- TALIESIN: No, no, no, don't say wait! Go on. MARISHA: Just let him tell his story. JON: And ever since then, ducks have been my spirit animal, and I feel like they bring me strength, and bring me-- make me smarter and they give me courage. So I grew up in the desert. It was a rough time, but-- TALIESIN: Were these desert ducks? MARISHA: Yeah, how'd you know they were ducks? Normally ducks don't live in the desert. TALIESIN: These must have been very interesting ducks. LIAM: They were actually vultures. (laughter) LAURA: You're not there. JON: What's a vult-- TALIESIN: Nothing-- said a voice that wasn't there. Carry on. MARISHA: They were ducks. JON: It was a small pond in the middle of a desert. Some people called it an oasis or something. TALIESIN: An oasis, yes. JON: Now, you know, I never saw ducks again there, so, I don't know, but I'm confident they were real. TALIESIN: Migratory, perhaps. MARISHA: The ducks blessed you. And your birth and your survival. JON: Yeah, I just, uh-- MARISHA: He doesn't know what a vulture is! (chuckles) JON: I realised I was strong, and I could do really, you know, awesome things with my body, so I did-- that kind of helped me when growing up, and then finally I came to the city of-- SAM: (whispers) Ank'harel. JON: Ank'harel. MARISHA: That's a continent, but-- oh wait, no, the continent-- no, Marquet is the continent. Ank'harel is the city, okay.

JON: Yeah, stupid. (laughter) MARISHA: That's fair. I've earned that. JON: Ever since I got to the city, I started using it, but people would abuse me, and my body for its, like, abilities. So until one day, I met Aes. He was kind, and he brought me into his family. MARISHA: Family. JON: A lot of talk of family, tonight. MARISHA: He talked a lot of family to you? SAM: And ducks. MARISHA: And ducks. Did he talk much more about his family to you? JON: No, I didn't-- I didn't know he had a daughter. I mean, there was this really, like, killer babe in our group, I didn't-- where is he? Where's Aes, you guys? TALIESIN: Aes ain't here right now. JON: Well, don't tell him, but... I always had a thing for her, but now that I know it's his daughter, yeesh. TALIESIN: You're not the first.

JON: Yeah, that's good to know. So. But no, I didn't know much about, you know, he didn't tell me much, I didn't ask a lot of questions. Nobody's ever asked me question. You guys are great. TALIESIN: Boy, that's not true. But that's good. You're a fascinating creature, sir. Good man. MARISHA: We like you. We like you, Chode. Lionel. We like you, Lionel. Hey, Lion. C'mere, c'mere. SAM: No. MARISHA: Parchment-boulder-shears. Parchment-boulder-shears! I'm going to teach you. SAM: It's like rock-paper-scissors. MARISHA: Okay, ready, ready, ready? Boulder, parchment, or shears. Okay. Ready? On three. JON and MARISHA: One, two, three. JON: I punch her. (laughter) TALIESIN: Never mind, not disappointed. MATT: As this transpires, we come over to you two, having a drink. So you guys find a separate pub. LAURA: I figured we just sat under the Sun Tree. LIAM: Yeah, I've got a flask. MATT: Okay, so you guys sit under the Sun Tree. It's midafternoon. LIAM: This is complicated. Real complicated. LAURA: Yeah. I was so happy to see him. LIAM: Me, too. Grog and Pike were not happy to see him. LAURA: No. We've got to find a way to get them talking again. LIAM: Yeah. Yeah. I think they will, but you're right, it will take some massaging. You know, I wasn't lying, I knew we would see him again. LAURA: I know. Couldn't let him know that, though. LIAM: This has been nice. It's always nice. LAURA: Mm-hm? LIAM: I'm real happy in my setup these days, but-- LAURA: With Keyleth? LIAM: That was the implication, yeah. But I miss you busting my balls on the regular. LAURA: I know, right? Yeah. I miss it, too. LIAM: I think-- we were about to head back, but we've got to get this sorted out first. LAURA: Yeah. LIAM: What do you reckon's next? We're going to Marquet, then? LAURA: Yeah, probably Ank'harel. LIAM: You all right? LAURA: Yeah, I'm fine. LIAM: You don't seem fine. LAURA: No, I'm great. You know, it's interesting, Scanlan being back. Makes me realize that, you know, he's not the only one who keeps secrets. LIAM: Mm-hm. LAURA: And you can't blame someone for keeping things to themselves, so I'm not mad at him anymore for the things that he keeps to himself, because everybody's got their something, you know? LIAM: Are you getting at something? LAURA: No, I'm just saying, I understand where he's coming from, and I am all right with it now. I'm fine with it. With the secrets. LIAM: I feel like I'm missing something. LAURA: No, nothing at all. LIAM: Well, I'm not mad at him. I hope Pike and Grog can come around. LAURA: I think they will. He's quite charming. I think everyone will come around. LIAM: I hope so. I feel like, you know. LAURA: The Sun Tree? Pelor? Raven Queen? LIAM: Yeah. LAURA: Hey! (laughter) LIAM: I wonder if it's time. LAURA: Time for what? LIAM: Nothing, I'm drunk, never mind. Did you see this ring I picked up? LAURA: (laughs) Oh, did you buy that off a little caravan? LIAM: Yeah, while you guys were fucking about with him. LAURA: That's great! LIAM: It's very handsome.

LAURA: It's really nice. It's really nice. LIAM: Yeah. Well. I love you. LAURA: I love you. Glad we're all here. I'm glad we're all here! LIAM: All of us. All of us. Do you want to go find the rest? LAURA: Yeah! LIAM: Let's go find the rest. MATT: Okay, all right. MARISHA: Right as Vax walks in-- Fuck! MATT: You guys begin walking back to the pub. You can hear the commotion in the distance. You assume that's it. You watch as Grog walks by in a huff. LAURA: Grog? LIAM: Big man? TRAVIS: What? LAURA: Are you all right? TRAVIS: Cat. C, A, T. And I leave. LAURA: You're so smart! Do we see Pike come out after him? MATT: You're still in the tavern? ASHLEY: I left after him. MATT: You did. So then you watch Pike come out in a huff a little after him. LAURA: Pike? ASHLEY: Hey! LAURA: What happened in there? ASHLEY: Oh, nothing. Just hanging out. Just having a drink. I'm going to go take a nap, I'm very tired. LAURA: Pike. LIAM: Insight check. LAURA: Well, we don't really need to roll an insight check to see this one's not doing so well. LIAM: It was really low. ASHLEY: I'm great! I'm all right. Just going to sleep it off, I think. LIAM: Yeah, too much to drink, probably. ASHLEY: Yeah, I'm feeling very drunk, so I'm going to go to bed. LIAM: Pickled Pickle. ASHLEY: I'm a pickled Pickle, yeah. But I'll see you guys tomorrow. LAURA: Everything will be better in the morning. ASHLEY: Sleep is the best medicine. SAM: You are a cleric. MATT: Pike wanders off. You guys make your way to the tavern where the commotion's there. You walk in just as you see Keyleth and Lionel in the process and about to play an intense game of Boulder-Parchment-Shears before Lionel just decks Keyleth across the face. MARISHA: Hey, guys! We're playing Boulder-Parchment-Shears! And then I Alter Self my fist into a rock elemental fist, a Keyteor fist, and I go, See, look! Boulder! And I backhand Lionel. MATT: First off, you roll damage for her now. That's going to be a d4 plus your... TALIESIN: d4, you already hit. Just the d4. MATT: I'll say you hit because she wasn't expecting it. SAM: Is he still raging? MATT: He's still raging at this point. Why not? JON: I'm still raging. How long does that last? MATT: Actually, no, you'd have to be raging again because you did do your whole duck speech. JON: Six. MATT: So you could rage and then attack. JON: So I could rage-- yeah, okay, so, that was just-- yeah, that was all right. MATT: So you take six damage. Now, Keyleth go and make an attack roll. With your earth elemental, I believe it's a plus what, to hit? MARISHA: Just with my fist? Sure, you want me to use Earth elemental? I mean, yeah, yeah, totes. MATT: Just the attack bonus. MARISHA: 18. MATT: 18? What's your armor class? You just hit. Add your strength modifier to one. So what's your strength modifier? MARISHA: Just to one? Plus five. So, six, six damage. MATT: So, six damage, you take, whack! To the chin. Her fist is a rock. JON: And do I take half that or no? MATT: If you started raging before that, then yes, you would. TALIESIN: But you weren't raging yet. JON: Okay. MATT: But you can use your reaction to-- Off a Duck's Back. JON: No, no, I don't want to. MATT: So you take the five damage right under the jaw. Whack! So now you got both sides of the jaw ringing a little bit in pain. MARISHA: This is the best game of Boulder-Parchment-Shears! JON: Who else wants to-- Is it just a two-player game? TALIESIN: I am walking away with my chocolate milk and walking over to you guys. They're bonding. JON: And as he's going, I sneak a bullet from him. TALIESIN: You can try. You can certainly try. MATT: All right, go ahead and roll for that. Roll your sleight of hand. And Percival, I want you to go ahead and roll a perception check. TALIESIN: Perception is 19. MATT: All right, so go ahead and roll. JON: So I have to get what?

TALIESIN: You're rolling with sleight of hand, so add sleight of hand to whatever you roll. JON: 13 plus 11. 24. SAM: He beat it. MATT: You pocket a little shot. LAURA: Oh, shit, he beat my passive perception, too! MATT: Yeah. Nobody sees it. Nobody sees it. TALIESIN: Well done. MARISHA: Hey, guys, does anyone have any shears? TALIESIN: Yes, and no. MARISHA: Shears? TALIESIN: I have them. You can't have them. MATT: So Percival walks past and approaches them. TALIESIN: They're bonding. He's a bit adorable. LAURA: Seems nice. LIAM: He's likable. TALIESIN: I am angry, frustrated, and violent, and so I'm going to try something new and drink chocolate milk, and listen to you and do whatever it is you think is best at this point. I don't know what to do. What do we do? What do I do? LAURA: I don't know what to do either, dear. I think it's a matter of... Forgive. TALIESIN: Well I'm not there yet, but I know I'm feeling emotional, and I know that's when I need to shut up and listen to you. LAURA: Well, it's going to take time, I think. I'm surprisingly okay with it. I'm just happy he's back. TALIESIN: I'm less not-okay than I thought I'd be. I'm worried about Grog. LAURA: I'm very worried about him and Pike. TALIESIN: I'm very worried about Pike. I don't know what to do. LIAM: Are they fist-fighting in the background? MARISHA: I go, hey guys, hey guys! Shears! And I grab onto his plate armor and I cast Heat Metal. (sizzle) MATT: Your armor suddenly begins to turn bright orange and burn your skin. (sizzle) JON: Oh! Okay, okay, that hurts, that hurts. MATT: How much damage does that do, Marisha? MARISHA: 2d8 damage. TALIESIN: Oh, that's going to hurt. And you get to re-roll that one, don't you? MARISHA: Oh, I do. Elemental damage. Ooh, yeah. Ten damage. LIAM: Fuck him up, babe! MATT: (sizzle) It sears into you, and you're like, "Ooh, it burns! That's new! That's new! That's new pain!" JON: I try to do a little bit of the Off a Duck's Back. MATT: Yeah, so you go ahead and you take five damage. You shrink into your armor. You try and minimize your torso. LIAM: He's turtling. TALIESIN: All right, one second. I'm going to gently walk up behind them while this is happening and I'm going to Vulcan neck pinch him with the Diplomacy. MATT: Okay, go ahead and roll for an attack. TALIESIN: That's... Where is that? There it is. JON: This is going to take a saving throw? TALIESIN: 21 to hit. JON: I have danger sense, so does that...? MATT: Yeah, so what's the save on that? JON: It just says I have advantage. MATT: On dexterity saving throws. JON: On dexterity saving throws. Is that a dexterity? MATT: What's it say on Diplomacy? TALIESIN: It's a... I have to pull out the thing, I didn't pull this together as much as I thought I should've. It's a constitution saving throw. MATT: All right, so go ahead and roll a constitution saving throw. TALIESIN: Which is a d20. I'm going to roll the damage really quickly. Oh wow, this is a lot of damage. I apologize. 17 points of lightning damage. MATT: So you take 17 points of lightning damage. TALIESIN: Constitution saving throw now. JON: 20. TALIESIN: He saves. That's a natural 20. Oh well, that didn't work. MATT: You feel this burst of electrical energy. TALIESIN: That was supposed to knock you out, and now it didn't. JON: Yeah, and it's just like, ha, that tickled. I'm going to go to bed, you guys. That was fun. Anybody else want to? No? Okay, I'm going. MATT: And Lionel just leaves. TALIESIN: This thing never works properly. I really have to work on that. JON: That was a weak hit, by the way, if you were trying to hit me. See you. Oh, wait, hold on. Are you going to drink this chocolate milk? TALIESIN: You can take it. You've earned it. JON: I'll take it. SAM: Just leaves the bar with the glass. TALIESIN: Another gold coin goes on the table. LIAM: I mean, would you stop it? TALIESIN: No. MATT: So the four of you now sit there in the bar. LAURA: Five of us, Tary is there. MATT: Tary is there, that's right. SAM: He really would be good for the brigade. TALIESIN: I kind of like him. SAM: Yeah, yeah. TALIESIN: He's the sort of positive energy I think your family's going to need around. SAM: Absolutely. I like him a lot. LAURA: Are you sure you can't stay? SAM: I'm staying for a little while. I have to find Doty.

TALIESIN: I understand. SAM: I have to find Doty and get some stuff, and then I've got to be on my way. TALIESIN: By the way, what you said back there, with your family, about me. SAM: Yes? TALIESIN: That was very flattering. SAM: Well, I know you're taken, and, you know. TALIESIN: Doesn't mean I can't be flattered. I'm quite flattered. That was very flattering. SAM: I meant it. TALIESIN: And, you know, if things were different, I would feel the same way. If things were very different. SAM: I get it. I get it. You're sort of making it worse. TALIESIN: You're quite a catch. You're quite a catch. LAURA: Can you stop flirting with each other? TALIESIN: I thought it might be fun. All right. I'm going to gather up our things and prop up the table again and leave-- How much gold would be appropriate for the damage and then some? MATT: The table isn't that expensive, to be honest. Between the drinks you guys had, a solid seven or eight gold will handle it. TALIESIN: I'm going to leave ten gold and be like, I'm so sorry, but try never not to make it worth your while and not be too horrible. MATT: "It's nice to know that the de Rolos are as lively as the rest of the people who live here." TALIESIN: Thank you for running this establishment. Have a good day. MATT: "You, too, my lord. My lady." TALIESIN: Let's go find the kids and see if we can make them feel better. LAURA: I think they were going to bed, but we can try. MARISHA: Keyleth throws her arm around Vax and catches him up the whole way we walk. I really think you would really like Chode. He's super nice, and he likes drinking chocolate milk... LIAM: I do, I like him already. He's instantly likable. MARISHA: We got to talk a lot. We talked about his background... LIAM: I was trying to... MARISHA: Yeah, gosh. Where were you? LIAM: I was trying to pitch him to Tary, but I really like him. I want him to stay. SAM: No, this is all good. I love how you've all fallen in love with Chod over here. It took you guys a full two weeks to even stomach me for a day, but that's all right. It's fine. TALIESIN: We not asking him to join, while we were thinking about having you join. SAM: No, he's great, though. We're instant love with him. TALIESIN: He's not Vox Machina material, though. JON: Are you Taryon right now? LIAM: Hey, you know, I feel like we were about to make our exit, but it's a little more complicated now, right? MARISHA: Yeah. LIAM: Might need to stay on a day or two. TALIESIN: Are we doing this thing? LAURA: Oh, we're definitely doing this. We're going to Ank'harel. LIAM: I think we got to. MARISHA: The ziggurat's kind of a big deal, right? I feel like that's warranted for extra Ashari leave time, for diplomatic duty. Right? TALIESIN: You said duty. MARISHA: I did say duty. TALIESIN: I know. I knew you would know. Never change. MARISHA: I'll let Dad know he's going to have to watch the tribe for a few more weeks. TALIESIN: I'll let Cass know. MARISHA: But one of these days I will have to be getting back. Very soon. TALIESIN: Let's talk to Pike. Let's talk to Grog. Let's see how they feel. LAURA: Pike? Grog? Did you put your earrings back on? MATT: You hear nothing. LAURA: Scanlan. SAM: Yes? LAURA: I think they're really depressed, dear. TALIESIN: I think they're angry and sad. SAM: What? Percy? MARISHA: Oh, this is like a one-channel frequency. We can all hear you. TALIESIN: Oh, is this a party line? MARISHA: Yeah, definitely. Yeah. LAURA: I'm just letting you know their earrings are off. They can't hear us. TALIESIN: Or they're not talking. SAM: What should I do? LAURA: Say you're sorry. SAM: But they can't hear me. LAURA: Well, go fucking find them. MARISHA: Something like this is better done in person, as opposed to over a communication device. SAM: I shouldn't text my apology? MARISHA: Nope, you should not. TALIESIN: Boy, there's a life lesson. D&D continued. LIAM: Don't use the Message spell to drop heavy shit! TALIESIN: Eye contact, motherfuckers. Eye contact. JON: Right then I walk into wherever he is, right? MATT: Right, you go back to the tavern. JON: And I walk in. Hey. Boss. I got you the bullets. SAM: You did? JON: Yeah. SAM: You are my best man! TALIESIN: I did give him a bag of musket shot. It's okay. Carry on. JON: So, anyways. I'm going to go to bed now. SAM: Sure, sure. JON: It's nighttime, right? SAM: Yeah, no, it is. But did I buy him a room, or is he just sort of...?

JON: No, you don't have to buy me a room. MATT: You bought out the inn. JON: I'll just go sleep in the corner either way. SAM: Okay. Yeah. If anyone tries to kill me, kill them. JON: Oh, yeah, I got it. I have danger sense. SAM: Oh, you do? JON: And the ducks will tell me if there's anything wrong. SAM: The ducks. Yes, I know this about you. JON: I actually have Commune with Ducks. TALIESIN: He does actually have Commune with Ducks. It is on the page. Staring at it right now. JON: You know what, I'm going to use it right now. SAM: Do we have ducks near us? TALIESIN: There are ducks in Whitestone! MATT: In Whitestone, there's a lot more ducks in this area than there are in Marquet. TALIESIN: There are ducks. We have ponds in the local park. There's a small pond in the cemetery. JON: I forget I can do that wherever I go, and I never get the chance. SAM: What are you going to ask them? JON: They can tell me up to three facts about the land. TALIESIN: Yes, what do the ducks of Whitestone say? MARISHA: What do the ducks say? TALIESIN: (quacking) MATT: As you take a moment and you kneel, and you close your eyes, you envision the connection you had as a child to the ducks along the pond of the oasis, and as you open your eyes again, you see there, waddling in through the doorway of the inn, as the sun in the afternoon is going down to dusk, this one duck (quacking). JON: Hey, Brownie! What do you have to say about this place? MATT: What do you want to ask it? JON: Oh, I have to ask. SAM: All I hear is quacking, right? He's just quacking at the duck? MATT: You're just hearing quacking back and forth. JON: Do we get bad weather here? Do you get bad storms here? MATT: You hear through the duck’s quacks, "It rains quite often, actually. It's pretty cloudy. Great." JON: Okay, so don't leave the hut without an umbrella, okay? SAM: Okay, thank you. JON: And then, do we have to worry about-- Are there any pyramids? Have you seen any pyramids around the place? MATT: The duck's head turns the other way, and it says to you through quacks, "Actually, there's one below the city." TALIESIN: How do the ducks know that? LAURA: They wander everywhere. TALIESIN: How did they get down there? MATT: The essence of nature. MARISHA: The same reason why pigeons are in Costco, okay? JON: He said there's another pyramid under the city. SAM: The duck knew that? JON: Yeah! SAM: That is crazy. JON: Should we go? SAM: No, no, no. JON: Okay... Is there anything you need to know, master? SAM: Yes. JON: About this area. It's pretty limited. SAM: Have Vox Machina been happy? JON: Ducks, do you know if that group over there, have they been happy? Have they been happy? MATT: "They didn't look happy when they left the tavern." JON: I think we all knew that you kind of wasted that last one. It's okay, we did it. See you, Brownie! That was awesome! MATT: (flapping wings) JON: Can we go to another city sometime soon so I can do that again? SAM: Yes, we will definitely do that. Absolutely. Yeah. You need to use that skill more often. You know what the problem is, we don't have as many ducks in Ank'harel. JON: I know. And most of the time I just find out if it's going to rain or not. It's not that useful. SAM: You've been great this whole trip. JON: Thank you. SAM: I'll tell you what. I'm going to buy some ducks, and just keep them back in Ank'harel for you. They can be your little birds. JON: I go to hug him, but then I forget that he's... Is he still enchanted? SAM: No, I'm a little guy. JON: I squeeze him hard. A little too hard, probably. SAM: Ow, ow. JON: All right, I'm going to go sleep in the corner. SAM: Please do. MATT: Sleeps in the corner. All right. Scanlan, are you doing anything? SAM: I mean, I was told to come apologize and find them. TRAVIS: I was told... SAM: I'll go seek my friends out there in the world. MATT: All right. Where do you go? SAM: Where am I going? Hello? It's me, Scanlan Shorthalt. LAURA: Where do you want to go? SAM: I don't know, where is everybody? LAURA: Well. Pike and Grog went back to their rooms. SAM: I don't want to disturb them. They're by themselves, alone. Should I go knock on their doors? LAURA: It's up to you. SAM: Okay. I'll go find-- Do I know where they're staying? MATT: You do. You've been to Whitestone Castle, you know where the rooms are in the castle, it's just been a while. SAM: I'll go knock on Grog's door. JON: Do you need me for anything? SAM: No, you sleep it off. JON: Are you sure? SAM: Yeah, you've had too much chocolate milk. JON: Yeah, I am feeling a little bloated down there. MATT: You make your way to the castle. You're let in, because the guards still recognize you as a member of Vox Machina. Which room do you go to first? SAM: Grog. MATT: Grog. Are you in your room? TRAVIS: Mm-hm. MATT: (knocking) TRAVIS: Pike? SAM: It's me! Scan-man! Can I come in?

I Dimension Door into the room. MATT: He (poof) appears in the center of your chambers. SAM: You okay? You didn't come to the door. Big fella. TRAVIS: I leave. SAM: I let him go. I take a shit on his bed -- no, I'm kidding. MATT: Grog leaves the chamber and exits. SAM: I'll walk over to Pike's room, then. MATT: Okay. Pike, are you in your room? ASHLEY: Yeah. MATT: (knocking) SAM: Hello? It's me, Scan-man. ASHLEY: What do you want? SAM: Just to talk and say hello. ASHLEY: Oh, but we already said hello. SAM: Just to apologize again. ASHLEY: I'll open the door. Yes? SAM: Hey, listen. I know that we haven't seen each other in a while, and we left on weird terms. And everything that's happened between us. But I want you to know that I held no ill will towards you, and I thank you for agreeing to my request, a while ago, to look after Kaylie if I should fall. And I'm glad it didn't come to that, but it's an honor to know that you would have even considered it. ASHLEY: Yeah. Yeah.

I slap him across the face. SAM: Sure, sure. MATT: (echoing slap) ASHLEY: Do you know... Do you remember what you said, before you left? I mean, obviously you said lots of things. But there was one thing in particular that's always bothered me. SAM: What? ASHLEY: You said that you were kept alive by some weird fucking magic. And that's what I do. And I brought you back so you could be with your daughter. So fuck you. SAM: Well, that was a cheap shot. ASHLEY: Sure. And you know what, I apologize for putting you in my clothes, but the Scanlan that we know would've thought that was funny. I'm sorry I didn't know your mother, but I imagine you don't know my mother's name. SAM: I don't. Pike, I don't have anything to say in my defense. I was wrong, about the whole thing. I was not a good friend, and I was not a good teammate. And I'll have to live with that. But I can tell you this. I like who I am now, and I didn't then. So maybe, someday, we'll meet, and you'll get to know the new guy, but if it's not meant to happen right now, that's okay, and I understand. And I will go back to what I was doing before. ASHLEY: So you like who you are better without us? SAM: No. No, that's not what I meant. I meant, I like who I am now that I know my daughter, and I know that no matter what, I have someone out there who's rooting for me. And no matter what happens, I've got that. And I... Yeah. That's it. I don't like what I've been doing the last year in terms of, you know. I've been breaking the law a bit, which I know you don't love. ASHLEY: I don't care what you do. SAM: But I'm doing things that I want to do for me and my girl, and it's been rewarding and it's been fun, and that's all that matters at this point. I'm comfortable with the bastard that I've been, because I know that the man I am now is different. So I can't make everybody happy anymore, and I think that was my problem before. I was trying to make everyone happy, and that's not my goal anymore. I'm sorry if I hurt you. I'm sorry how I treated you when we first met, how I ogled you and flirted with you relentlessly. That was disrespectful. But what I'm most sorry for is that you met me then, and not now. And that's all I can say. ASHLEY: Well. Perhaps we'll meet again in different circumstances. SAM: Okay. ASHLEY: Okay. SAM: Good night. ASHLEY: Good night. SAM: I'll leave. MATT: Okay. You make your way back. SAM: And I'll just phone Vex real quick and say, hey, didn't work. I'm going to go back to Ank'harel now. LAURA: No, no, no, Scanlan. SAM: Yeah, it's not working, it's not great, so, nope. LAURA: Scanlan, it takes time. Things take time. SAM: I'm sure it does. LAURA: Scanlan, where are you? SAM: I'm outside Pike's room, weirdly. LAURA: Shit. Stay there. SAM: I mean, I think she can hear me talking through the door. LAURA: She can't, I don't think she's wearing the earring. Unless she put it back in. SAM: No, no, no, I'm really outside her door, talking. I'm sure she can hear me through the door. LAURA: Oh, seriously? Right there? SAM: Yeah. Yeah. Pike, can you hear me? ASHLEY: Yes, I can hear you. SAM: Yeah, she can totally hear everything. TALIESIN: This is an open channel. We can all hear. MARISHA: Hi, Scanlan. SAM: Oh, hi! Hi, Keyleth. LIAM: Maybe you should just sleep on it before leaving town, buddy. LAURA: Well, no, we're coming with you. You're not just leaving us again. MARISHA: Again! LAURA: You just got here. LIAM: And some of us are happy to see you. TALIESIN: We're going to go see the pyramid. MARISHA: Yeah, you can go to Ank'harel, but we'll be right behind you, I guess. We know who you are now, Aes... Agus... TALIESIN: Tary, are you in for one more adventure before heading home? SAM: That would be a sweet close to it. I met you in Ank'harel, didn't I? TALIESIN: Yes. SAM: I'm down. TALIESIN: Excellent. MARISHA: To Ank'harel in the morning, then. Because I'm trying to sleep, you motherfuckers. TALIESIN: Take your earring off, put it on silent if you ever want to fall asleep. MARISHA: The clasp is rusted from when we were in the water plane, I can't take it off. TALIESIN: We take ours off, I'm taking mine off now. Good night. LAURA: Okay, okay, shut up everyone. MARISHA: It's stuck there.

MATT: All right. You all eventually find yourselves to rest for the evening. Scanlan, you make your way back? SAM: I'm going to leave the little rock thing that Grog gave me right outside his door, and I'll get Lionel up at first light, and I guess we'll set off for Ank'harel. LAURA: No! MARISHA: We'll see him there. MATT: Okay. That's a two-week journey for you. SAM: I got no other way to get there. MARISHA: You could come with us. SAM: It was not offered. LAURA: Yes, you were, we didn't tell you to go! Scanlan, we said don't go! SAM: Didn't you just say I will see you there? LAURA: No! Fucking Keyleth said that! MARISHA: I said if you run away we'll still find you. ASHLEY: We'll still be right behind you. LAURA: We're not telling you to fucking go. SAM: Wait, so you want to travel with me? LAURA: Yes! SAM: Oh, okay, well, then I'll stick around. LIAM: All over the earring. TALIESIN: You know, I miss this drama. This is the drama I missed. This is great. MATT: So we'll say at the next morning light, as you all come to consciousness, you find there spry and waiting in the center of town, one Scanlan Shorthalt and one Lionel Gayheart, ready to join you on a trip back to Ank'harel. And that's where we'll pick up next week. TRAVIS: Did you want to say something? ASHLEY: No. MATT: Is there something you wanted to do? Something you wanted to button it on? Let's do it now. As you guys are gathering in the center of the city, on your way to the Sun Tree, they stand there in the light. You guys have your equipment on you, you're prepared for whatever may come on the other side of the world in the deserts of Marquet, wherever this mountain may be. ASHLEY: Oh, you're still here. SAM: Yeah. You need me to find this thing, so I'll lead you to it. ASHLEY: I throw him a bag of cookies. So we opened a bakery while you were gone. We have these. They're called shorties. They're after you. So hopefully you like them. TALIESIN: Much like you, they're a bit disappointing. ASHLEY: Yeah. SAM: I'll try-- Well, does it have any... JON: Cookies! (nom) MATT: And that's where we’ll end the episode this week. TALIESIN: Well fucking done, man! Well fucking done! LAURA: Holy crap! MATT: Thank you so much for playing with us this week! That was so fun! MARISHA: Yay Chode! SAM: Chod? JON: She still can't get it right. MATT: By the way, I forgot earlier to mention that PseudoSomething won the thing in the Twitch chat. Congratulations to you. Denoba will contact you if they haven't already to get your information. LAURA: What was under the blanket the whole time? MATT: We'll have to wait ‘til next week. TALIESIN: Next week is what's under the blanket. That or cake. MATT: Possibly. LAURA: Oh my gosh. TALIESIN: Actually, I was about to say, because he's not seen a proper battle map, so maybe... MATT: I'll show him once you guys leave, but yeah. Dude, thank you so much for coming and playing with us. Seriously. LAURA: That was so much fun. TALIESIN: That was amazing! MARISHA: Lionel! TALIESIN: Prepare for so much duck art. There's just going to be... It's going to be like a 50’s study. It's going to be so much. SAM: Ducks everywhere. MATT: I love it. TALIESIN: Mallard art. LAURA: Oh my God, next week's our 100th episode! How fucking weird is it that we got the T-shirts released... MATT: Oh, dude. The minute that you showed that the T-shirts had shown up to everyone in the store tonight, me and Sam were like... MARISHA: Like, if people didn't think we had a writer's room before, they definitely are now! This feels like a marketing campaign! TALIESIN: I didn't know about the shirts until we showed up. That's just been in process. LAURA: Yeah, we've just been working on this shirt for a while. And it came out this week. TRAVIS: We didn't plan that in any way. ASHLEY: Serendipitous. MATT: It's kind of amazing. But anyway, guys, we're going to go because some of us have flights in the morning to go the Stream of Annihilation tomorrow and Saturday at D&D. Big round of applause for Jon Heder. (cheering) MATT: That's for you, that's for you. Have a wonderful night, guys. Rest well. And is it Thursday yet? Good night! [music]