A Pirate's Life for Me/Transcript

MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. Travis is in-transit, don’t freak out. He’ll be here in just a moment. He’s making his way here from--

LAURA: He’s busy this week.

SAM: He couldn’t stand to face Laura.

LAURA: That’s right.

MATT: Well, if he knew what was good for him. Before we get into tonight’s episode, let’s go into some quick announcements. First and foremost, our fantastic returning sponsors for this campaign, our friends, our dear family at D&D Beyond. Sam.

SAM: Everybody, our trip to the UK changed us in a lot of ways. We were exposed to the European culture and that area of the world. We fell in love with it. Tonight, there’s so much to talk about that I'm going to need some help. Everyone knows Matt’s Scottish accent is top notch, but I’ve been studying with a dialect coach that I found on Craigslist and I think I’m ready to unveil my Scottish brogue. Now, because it’s so accurate, Matt’s going to translate what I’m saying.. I’m going to be saying things in traditional, accurate Scottish about D&D Beyond that he’ll translate into American English.

TALIESIN: I’m weirdly on-board.

SAM: Okay, here we go. (exaggerated Scottish accent) Hallo, ya bonnie lassies and laddies! Don’t be a *wee dafty. Ma kelly ann’s* been *haverin* how D&D Beyond is the *maest braw app up tae hae though.*

MATT: D&D Beyond is proud to announce the continuation of the Waterdeep campaign. Dungeon of the Mad Mage is out tonight at 9:00pm Pacific.

SAM: *Nae! I cannae be aff ma heed!* It’s *Taps Aff cos eh* D&D and Magic: The Gathering, *ya numpty!*

MATT: The long-awaited Magic: The Gathering / D&D crossover, Guildmaster’s Guide to Ravnica, also drops tonight at 9:00pm Pacific time.

SAM: *Haud yer wheesht* and *nick it now or yer fit to be getting skelp, ya herpuin jobbie.*

MATT: You can get both at dndbeyond.com/marketplace.

SAM: (regular voice) Oh, it’s my turn! Oh no, that’s your line. Wait, that’s my line. Okay. (exaggerated Scottish accent) What ya doin the weekend? *Jings!* You’re a right *hoodie dobber,* ye are, pure walloper--oot yer nut!

MATT: D&D Beyond is hosting a two-day streaming event this Friday and Saturday at Gamehole Con to benefit Extra Life.

SAM: Ach! Where are *Jock Tamson’s bairns?* It’s quality! I’m pure *scunnered*. (regular voice) I looked these words up! They’re real.

MATT: Both days will feature three, four-hour sessions from 7:30am-- 7:30pm to 10:30--

SAM: a.m.!

MATT: All? Wow! From 7:30am to 10:00pm with special guests raising money for a special cause.

LIAM: It’s throwing him that badly.

MARISHA: Yeah.

[hat plays high-pitched “Scotland the Brave”]

SAM: Okay. (exaggerated Scottish accent) Call me *doonie*, get on yer trolley and *heed* over to twitch.tv/get-fooked-ya-clatty-radge-wee-shite!

MATT: Be sure to tune into twitch.tv/dndbeyond to check it out.

[hat music continues]

MARISHA: That was not what I was expecting!

LAURA: Does it ever stop?

SAM: (regular voice) I don’t know when it stops!

LAURA: Help! Make it end!

SAM: Don’t press it again; it’ll start again! Maybe it’s winding down. Ah!

LAURA: Yay!

MATT: Thank you, Sam.

SAM: Well, you know. We love London, we love UK, we love it all.

MATT: My distant ancestry is extremely pleased with your performance. Thank you, D&D Beyond, as always.

LIAM: What is “to high doh?”

SAM: “To high doh,” to high, though. It means something? All these words are real. “Up to high doh” means a lot? I don’t know!

MATT: Guide to Ravnica. The next episode of All Work No Play will debut this Friday at twitch.tv/criticalrole at 7:00pm Pacific. This week, Liam and Sam are building a custom MAME cabinet with Felicia Day and our fantastic Director of Events, Brittany Walloch. MAME cabinets, something I’ve been chasing my whole life, and finally there is one in my vicinity.

SAM: Felicia joins us.

MATT: Awesome. Check that out Friday. Also, through the month of November, and in celebration of Veterans Day, we’re raising money for Travis’ favorite charity, Operation Supply Drop. We’ve talked about it before. We put up the account, you guys have already raised a tremendous amount of money for this. As much as we can get the word out before the donation period closes, continue to help them. Operation Supply Drop has already helped over 750,000 members of the military community since its inception. It continues to support active military members, veterans, their families. It’s amazing, the work they do. We’re big fans of everything they do. Check out all the information to donate now at critrole.com/osd. Also, both the standard and deluxe editions of our second art book, The Chronicles of Exandria, Legend of Vox Machina, will be on sale via pre-order this coming Monday, November 12, at 9:00am Pacific. This art book contains art from our fantastic, beloved community of critter artists. They’ve all put it together with love and joy and I’m super proud of it. These guys, like, died to get it done. The number of artists-- you guys did incredible work. We’re excited for you guys to check it out, and super excited to announce, for our European critters, the art book will be shipped out to our brand new fulfillment center.in the United Kingdom that we just set up! A lot of hard work to finally get a fulfilment center that side. This will drastically reduce shipping costs and delivery times for our European family out there. Super stoked to have this finally functional. We’ll have more details to that available on Monday morning when all this goes on sale.

SAM: Should I translate what you just said for our Scottish audience?

MATT: Do I have a choice?

SAM: No.

LIAM: I'm going to show off an image from inside the book. This is the standard, by the way. Matteo Scalera, an artist that I fell in love with reading the Black Science comic book. He’s fucking amazing and the cover is--

SAM: That's the standard?

LIAM: This is the standard.

SAM: Holy shit, that's good.

LIAM: This book is so beautiful. Show that thing off and I’m going to find a picture.

TALIESIN: Yeah, this is the beautiful deluxe edition which comes with a little ribbon and you can see this wonderful cover art with Vecna in the center and the four gods depicted in the corners all cowering before his might.

MATT: The four major deities that were involved in that final arc.

LIAM: I'm going to show off a little Ioun. Look at this!

LAURA: Oh my god!

TALIESIN: Who are these lovely kids right over here?

LAURA: Oh my god!

TALIESIN: It's right there.

MATT: Just like that, it goes away. Look forward to the information about that this coming Monday at critrole.com. I believe those are all of our announcements, and with that, let's go ahead and jump into tonight's episode of Critical Role.

[TV static, click]

[groovy Critical Role theme]

MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome back. Last we left off: The Mighty Nein, after making a daring escape from the Temple of the False Serpent on the island of Urukaxl had managed to nearly drown in the escape, make their way through the jungle being chased by both yuan-ti and the lizardmen denizens of this island. Making their way to the shore just in time to have the actual pirate ship, the Squalleater, there to defend you. Firing various heavy cannonballs towards the creatures which had given chase and allowing you to escape on the boats to safety. Upon reaching the top of the ship you found that the Mistake has been repaired enough to be seaworthy, though it does need some more intense repairs. Your supplies are relatively low, and it looks like the current is goal to find your journey westward to the island of Darktow which has been wiped-- from your knowledge-- wiped from the Clovis Concord's control many years ago and currently resides as the center of all piracy in the Lucidian Ocean. As you all went to rest for the evening, Fjord-- who will be here shortly, so I can continue to embarrass him-- had an evening's conversation with Captain Avantika, in which it was discussed his past history with his childhood father figure, who also seemed to have a history with Avantika as well and is somehow rolled in with this strange Uk'otoa phenomenon. It also came to light that this shipwreck which gave Fjord his powers might have a connection, based on the Captain's intuition, with where this third and final sphere may lie, and it was decided between the two of them that this may be the next goal, beyond Darktow, to pursue. After which, they fucked.

LAURA: (screaming)

MATT: While that era of the story is transpiring, I want to ask you guys, since we have a moment here--

LIAM: While they're fucking?

MATT: Or in the loose, wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey period of figuring things out as you recover from the intense return to the ship. What would you like to do? Is there anything you want to check up on? First of all, everyone leveled up to seven.

LAURA: Did we get a long rest after?

MATT: This would be the long rest-- for everyone but Fjord, I guess.

SAM: Nice. This isn't the next few days of our sailing adventure, this is that night?

MATT: This is that night. We will then begin to embark on what that journey will be, but if there's anything you wish to do before the evening's done.

TALIESIN: I already gave my shade, I'm done. Honestly, that was all I needed.

LIAM: I would try to locate Caduceus on the boat, actually. I don't know if he's hiding or not.

TALIESIN: Oh, I'm in my room because I was-- is this before Fjord came back?

MATT: We can say this is while Fjord is out.

TALIESIN: Okay, so I'm in my room.

LIAM: I will go to where he is on the boat and-- (knocking).

TALIESIN: Hey, Mister Caleb. Good evening.

LIAM: You look--

TALIESIN: Battered.

LIAM: Tired as I feel. Do you have a moment?

TALIESIN: Sure. What can I do for you?

LIAM: May I come in?

TALIESIN: Oh, yes. Of course.

LIAM: (throat clearing) I feel a little poorly for the time you have been having, traveling with us. It was not a very good day. It's been a string of bad ones, in fact, and I am grateful to have you along with this group because we get hurt a lot and stick our noses places maybe we shouldn't. You have been very helpful.

TALIESIN: I think I'm coming to the realization that perhaps I was not entirely clear on what I signed up for, but I don't think that means that it's the wrong path. I'm getting used to the idea that it wouldn't be a test if it were easy.

LIAM: Is it your intention to continue on with us?

TALIESIN: I joined your group of friends-- I guess our group of friends, now-- as a testament of faith, and it would be a disservice to that faith to turn around because it's hard. If it'd have been easy, I suppose I wouldn't have been needed to be called to it. I've been thinking a lot about it. Jester gave me a lot to think about, to be honest.

LIAM: Well, sometimes acts of good faith deserve to be rewarded, when they can. I wanted to give you something that will make your time with us a little bit easier, I suppose. I start to pull the periapt out and untie it. This-- you know, I'm always so far back away from-- I hear you, Laura, in my peripheral, I hear you. I'm always very far back anyway, this isn't doing me much good, and it's better that you stay up more than I stay up because if you go down, that's it. This is a little bit of extra protection-- anyway.

TALIESIN: Mister Caleb, do you believe in fate? There are lots of different kinds of fate, I know that's a heavy question, but do you believe that we are driven towards something by things that are greater than ourselves?

LIAM: I don't know. I would like to think not, but I don't know.

TALIESIN: There are times that I think about the cruelties of the world and the things that have been put upon me and my family, and I would hate for that to be a plan, and there are times when, like today, I'm very grateful for being in the right place at the right time to make sure that the right people are becoming strong in ways they need to be. I don't think that excuses the pain, I don't think that you have to-- I don't know, I don't think that you have to not care about it or fight it with everything you've got, but I think the world is shaping you into something important, and I want to make sure that you get to wherever you need to be.

LIAM: That's a pretty big matzo ball.

TALIESIN: You won't have to work very hard at it, I imagine. I think just being you wherever the world puts you will do just fine.

LIAM: If you have this-- this is magic, by the way.

TALIESIN: I can tell.

LIAM: Here you go.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

LIAM: I help you, that makes it easier to help all of us.

TALIESIN: I promise I will continue to help you all. Even when we're not the best of people, I feel like we're still moving towards something that's good and worthwhile, and I'm feeling the struggle's in my way to bring us to where we need to be.

LIAM: Welcome to the Nein.

TALIESIN: I'm honored.

LIAM: Okay, I feel like shit, so I'm going to go to bed.

TALIESIN: Thank you for this, I won't forget it.

MARISHA: Just like Fjord.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Meanwhile, one hour later.

LIAM: Rolling them double ones.

MATT: You get to remove that item, and you get to add it to your--

TALIESIN: I'm adding which item?

LIAM: Periapt of wound closure. It just feels right that it's with you.

SAM: What does it do?

LIAM: Makes it harder for him to die. It was Molly's.

MARISHA: I'm going to go to Caleb when he gets back. (knocking) Caleb! Caleb! Caleb!

LIAM: Where's my owl?

MARISHA: Oh, right! It doesn't drown, it's amazing. It's like it's magic or something. We had good times.

LIAM: You have three or four more days, if you want.

MARISHA: Do I?!

LIAM: Yeah, I--

MARISHA: Can you do me a favor?

MATT: Pocketed.

MARISHA: Pocket owl. Right next to my bacon.

LIAM: iOwl.

MARISHA: I got this red feather from Nila-- and I don't know, when she handed it to me, she was like-- very deliberate on how she handed it to me. Will you just see if it's magic?

LIAM: You want to know if this is something? Do you have a moment?

MARISHA: Yeah.

LIAM: Okay. I will cast Identify on this.

MATT: It is not magical, it is sentimental.

LIAM: *Ja*, that's a feather. That's just a feather. It's good looking, though.

MARISHA: Tie it to my staff. I'm not disappointed.

LIAM: Okay.

MARISHA: I'm not disappointed!

LIAM: Are you good?

MARISHA: I'm-- bye. I'm going to go to bed.

LAURA: Can I pull out Sprinkle?

MATT: Okay. As you reach back into your waterlogged hood of your coat, you hear this tiny little (coughing) and there you pull out this extremely waterlogged and unhappy crimson weasel. (chittering and coughing)

LAURA: You're so tough, Sprinkle. I'm going to squish his little cheeks.

MATT: He pees in your hand.

LAURA: Oh, thank you. Okay, go right to your-- stay there. Don't drown, okay? Then I'm going to look for Beau, but she's not around, so then I'm going to go look for Nott.

SAM: I'm drinking.

MATT and LAURA: Where are you drinking?

SAM: I don't know where. Are we all staying in the room or do we have a couple of rooms?

MATT: There are three rooms between the group, I think, that have been given to you and the people that have been moved to the Mistake.

SAM: Let's say that I'm drinking on the deck of the ship.

LAURA: Oh good. I was on the deck of the ship, too. How perfect. Hey, Nott.

SAM: Hi.

LAURA: Hi. Are you super wasted?

SAM: I've got a good buzz on.

LAURA: Okay. I have a question for you.

SAM: Yeah?

LAURA: Have you-- I mean, I think you have because you said you were like into somebody before. Have you ever kissed a boy?

SAM: Hmm.

MARISHA: That was the cutest.

LIAM: It's pretty cute.

SAM: I've kissed a boy.

LAURA: Yeah? What was it like?

SAM: Excuse me?

LAURA: What was it like when you kissed him?

SAM: Have you never kissed someone?

LAURA: No, well--

SAM: You're related-- your mom is a master of sexuality--

LAURA: I was asking what it was like when *you* kissed someone. That's all!

SAM: Because you haven't done it.

LAURA: Well, I didn't know if it counted.

SAM: Oh. Well, what was the situation?

LAURA: I was drowning.

SAM: Oh, you mean today? Oh!

LAURA: Does that count, though?

SAM: Okay. Well, I mean, let's take a look at this. Your lips pressed against each others'.

LAURA: Yes.

SAM: It meant something.

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: How did it make you feel?

LAURA: Like I wasn't dead.

SAM: Yeah. Alive. That is the feeling. Did it make your heart beat faster than, you know, being completely stopped how it was.

LAURA: Yeah, I think so. I mean, it's not dead.

SAM: If I had to do my first kiss over again, I would want all of those things.

LAURA: Really?

SAM: Yes! That's the best first kiss. It's someone you care about--

LAURA: Well, I didn't know if it counted.

SAM: It means something. You’ll remember it forever.

LAURA: I will. I will remember the after part of it, you know?

SAM: Oh yes.

LAURA: I was a little struggling in the beginning part.

SAM: Well, yes. Afterwards, I don't know if you felt this way, you just can't stop thinking about it and you just feel the soft pressing against you and almost taste him just for a little bit and it doesn't go away for a while.

LAURA: I think his tusks are growing back.

SAM: You felt a little--

LAURA: Just a little bit of tusk!

SAM: Ooh!

LAURA: Yeah! What was your first kiss like, though?

SAM: It wasn't as romantic. It was just a dare.

LAURA: Oh, really?

SAM: Yes.

LAURA: With who?

SAM: I don't know. Just someone. I don't even remember too much.

LAURA: That's weird. You said you never forget it.

SAM: I sure did. It was just-- you know? I was pretty young and kids just saying like, "Oh, you kiss each other and you kiss each other now." Just one of those types of games.

LAURA: I think kids do that sort of stuff a lot.

SAM: I think so too, but I don't remember his name.

LAURA: Oh. Do you remember the softness of his lips?

SAM: I do. Yes. It was a good day.

LAURA: Yeah, today's pretty cool too.

SAM: Well, do you think things will change now between you?

LAURA: Oh, no. I mean, he might have a big crush on me now, you know?

SAM: Are you interested?

LAURA: Oh, I don't know, you know?

SAM: Well. Sometimes, boys like-- Why am I telling you all this? Your mom's a lady of the night!

LAURA: Yeah, I know!

SAM: Sometimes boys like it if you are a little bit aloof. A little bit cold to them afterwards like maybe they did something wrong and they don't even know what it was.

LAURA: Really?

SAM: Yes!

LAURA: Like, the play the games?

SAM: Yes! Just a little bit of like-- just keep them guessing like "Did I say something? Did I do something? Was I a bad kisser?"

LAURA: Okay.

SAM: That would put him on the defensive where you want him.

LAURA: That's right!

SAM: Then you cut his throat and fucking kill him! I'm just kidding about all that. I don't know.

LAURA: Okay. Because I don't want to do that--

SAM: No! Of course not! He's our friend.

LAURA: Okay. Well, all right! Have fun with your flask, okay?

SAM: All right, I will.

LAURA: I'm going to go write in my journal.

SAM: Have fun drawing.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: As everyone concludes their evening activities, the journey, looking at the map and the distance, is about 800 miles to Darktow from Urukaxl.

TALIESIN: (intones theme from Pirates of the Caribbean)

MATT: Yeah, essentially. The ship normally--

LIAM: Jesus Christ!

SAM: We should solve this at some point, right? We should get some bean bags or something?

LAURA: We should probably just rotate it. Maybe if you would roll it the other direction, it straightens it out. Did you know that?

MARISHA: Put in under my-- okay.

MATT: Now it's not centered. Whatever. It's fine. You guys deal with your map. It's not mine. It's your map. Do what you want. Not my responsibility! Your ship is actually traveling faster than it normally was as part of the blessing that Avantika received. It can achieve about 55 miles--

SAM: An hour?!

MATT: No. An entire day of travel which is a bit faster than a general sailing ship which is why the Mistake can go faster, but they're a pair. You're looking at about 14 days of travel.

MARISHA: To Darktow?

MATT: To Darktow, yeah.

MARISHA: 14 days?!

MATT: Welcome to being on the open seas, man.

MARISHA: Oh shit!

MATT: They don't have bullet trains in D&D. You have 11 days of supplies. There will have to be some sort of supply stop or a way of handling that.

TALIESIN: I have a thing called Create Food and Water.

LAURA: I do too.

TALIESIN: We can mix it up with the normal food so it doesn't taste as bad.

MATT: That is going to make this journey not an issue when it comes to supplies. Look at that. Divine magic.

TALIESIN: Teamwork!

MATT: You don't have to stop then. All right, great!

TALIESIN: So sorry. We just burned an entire encounter like, "Yeah! Fuck whatever Matthew made."

SAM: Is food and water the only thing we need? Do we need any other supplies to make this trip? I don't know.

MATT: Not to get to Darktow. At Darktow, there will be repairs made to the other ship and possibly some small repairs to the ship for its journey and any other supplies you would need while there. It's a 14 day journey at full speed. During this time, a couple of things. One, you guys can decide to, if you want to, learn how to run a boat.

MARISHA: I would like that very much.

MATT: That being the case, we get to decide what types of skill sets you want to pick up on out here in the ocean. That being the case, we have the quartermaster. Quartermaster is the one who has the most authority other than the captain of the ship. They take over if the captain is unable to. They divvy up plunder or whenever you board a prized vessel, they decide what to take and what to leave. They generally helm that whole process there, as far as pirate ships are concerned. There is the navigator or the sailing master.

LIAM: Dibs.

MATT: You do have Orly hired to do that for you, but Orly can also train one of you to be a backup in case Orly--

TALIESIN: I was about to say anything like being able to go by the stars or otherwise is something I might be able to do very well.

MATT: You can both train under him if you want to. You can overlap.

LAURA: You do have memory--

LIAM: I know which direction is north at all times. I don't forget anything. I'm real smart in-game.

TALIESIN: Fair.

LIAM: Just in the game.

TALIESIN: Just lording that rap battle over me. Okay, that’s fine.

MATT: We have the boatswain. Boatswain is in charge of the ship itself. You know, keeping it in top shape for travel and battle. They handle looking over the wood, the canvas, the ropes, making sure that everything's solid and functional. They lead shore parties for supplies and repairs and oversee activities like dropping and weighing the anchor, setting the sails, cleaning the deck, things like that. Start thinking of things you might be interested in. There's the cooper, which makes and maintains barrels for storage, food and water. There's the carpenter, which is the one that actually repairs the ship's structural integrity when it takes damage. They answer to the boatswain. They keep the hull, the masts, and the yardarms functional. There's the master gunner who organizes the placement of shot, powder, the fuse and aiming the ship's cannons. All right, so, Nott's going to want to train as the master gunner. And, of course, powder monkey, which is the next one below who basically runs all the stuff.

SAM: Powder monkey?

MATT: Powder monkey.

SAM: Maybe I'll apprentice as that first?

MATT: Apprentice as powder monkey and, should it be needed, you'll become, hopefully, a good master gunner. Those are the most important aspects. Everyone’ll learn a little bit about sailing as you go, but start getting an idea, if you want to right now, which one of those you'd want to specifically begin to focus on.

LAURA: What does the boatswain do again?

SAM: Manager of the ship. Like the office manager, right? Keeps it running?

MATT: Yeah, makes sure that all the canvas, the ropes, the wood, everything’s in good condition.

TRAVIS: I have experience being a quartermaster, so I'll do that as well.

LAURA: Oh, okay.

SAM: He said quartermaster, no boatswain.

LAURA: I guess I'll do the boatswain stuff? I feel like I'll be really bad at it.

MATT: We'll find out. Train as the boatswain. Which, actually, to that point, the next morning, as everyone begins to go about the first real day out here in the Lucidian Ocean, clear blue sky with dappled bits of cloud around you, the smell of sea salt and foam and spray making its way as it splashes across the front of the bow, Avantika catches up to you with Vera being called up to the side. She goes, "Vera, if you'd be so kind, I would like to call-- let's say the utmost members of the crew, please, to the deck. Maybe some of your friends as well."

TRAVIS: Of course, I'll bring them up.

MATT: As you all gather on the deck, Avantika goes, "I appreciate all of the hard work you've put into this, my crew and yours. As we are making our way back it is important that we properly balance as we endeavor here and make sure that both training that has been inquired about is properly disseminated, and, out of curiosity, and with no disrespect to you Vera, I will be replacing you as the ship's quartermaster until we return to Darktow with our Captain Tusktooth." Vera looks taken aback and briefly offended, and then, "But of course, my captain." "Quartermaster, time to start paying attention."

TRAVIS: Indeed.

MATT: She begins to divvy out responsibilities to the rest of you in the various positions that you requested to start learning. Some elements of the journey have you moving over to the Mistake, some have you moving back, especially for the repairs elements, whoever decides they want to be the carpenter. Unless none of you want to. That's up to you.

SAM: You're strong.

LAURA: I'm strong, maybe I should be the carpenter!

SAM: Do you have any--

LAURA: I've got no.

SAM and LAURA: Nothing.

MATT: It's up to you.

MARISHA: What was that cooper position? Barrels?

MATT: Makes and maintains barrels.

SAM: Hey, you've been around barrels your whole life!

MARISHA: I already know how to make a barrel.

LAURA: Do you want to be the boatswain?

TALIESIN: I was thinking the one where you actually have to go out and find supplies. I might be really good at that. MATT: That is the boatswain.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I'll take the boatswain.

LAURA: Okay, then I'll do the carpenter.

MATT: There we go. Note that somewhere on your character that those are the positions you're training on this journey. All right, cooper, got it.

MARISHA: Making barrels.

SAM: I'm the gunner! Well, the powder monkey.

MATT: Powder monkey for now.

SAM: For now. Working my way up.

MATT: A few days into this journey, we'll say because you're training as the carpenter--

LAURA: Yes!

MATT: Jester, the Mistake is keeping in time with the Squalleater and you're brought-- it slows down a bit and you're brought over to the opposite side and there, looking around, you wander under the deck and find, at one of the tables, Waldok, who's one of the deckhands of the ship. He's currently sitting at a table with a large tankard of really rough grog or ale, biting his lower lip, and he has his sleeve pulled up and you can see Orly has this unique bowstring of some kind that's wrapped between two fingers, an inkwell, and a needle that's tied up in it, and he's currently halfway through doing this really good-looking, elaborate tattoo across the arm of this deckhand.

LAURA: Whoa!

MATT: He's got his patch over his eye, right up against one of the portholes where the light's coming through and he's using it for perspective, and he's lording over this smaller, thin human, and glances over, "Oh, hey there."

LAURA: Can I go stand over his shoulder and stare at what he's doing?

MATT: Yeah, you keep watch and he's doing this curled mermaid that is coming up and, on one hand is holding on at the hip and the other is picking a fruit off of a tree. You begin to question the design a bit and Orly says, offhand, "It's what he requested."

LAURA: Why are you having a mermaid pick fruit if she's in the water?

MATT: He's sitting there going like, "(grunting) Well, I had a rough fight with some scurvy a few years back and a few things I like the idea of ladies in the sea that can save me from scurvy."

LAURA: Oh, that's really smart. It's very meaningful.

MATT: Orly chuckles under his breath. It's very well done, and you can see now the other tattoos that are across his body were probably done by him on himself.

LAURA: Hey, Orly, I'm training to be a carpenter, did you know?

MATT: "I wasn't aware, actually, but m-m-maybe you should ask around for the man who's doing the repairs around this place."

LAURA: Yeah, I will definitely do that, but I also want to learn how to do tattoos. Can you teach me that?

MATT: "I can try and teach you some of--"

LAURA: I'm a really good artist, Orly.

MATT: "-- m-m-my skills. However, I got a specific talent with some of this here."

LAURA: Yeah, it's a thing that you wrap around your fingers and then you go like this?

MATT: "Kind of. Here, do you m-m-mind?" The guy's like, "Uh."

LAURA: I'm a really good artist, don't worry.

MATT: "Sure?" Orly helps show you how he threads this and gets the needle set up. Go ahead and make a performance check.

TRAVIS: Oh god.

LIAM: Oh jeez.

MARISHA: Performance?

LAURA: Performance. Oh no, performance!

MATT: We'll say dexterity, if you really want to.

LAURA: Yeah, I'll do dexterity. Oh, 17!

MATT: 17. Picking up where the initial partial ink sketches were, you actually continue to fill in the rest of the upper torso. You do a very good job. You can see where the style does shift in the art, but it's not abrasive, it just continues, and it is rather nice.

LAURA: Do you think maybe your mermaid would want some googly eyes?

MATT: He goes, "Um, no. I appreciate that, but no."

LAURA: Are you sure? I think it'd really make her look really good.

MATT: He starts to pull his arm away from you. Orly puts his giant tortle hand on your shoulder and goes, "I don't recommend m-m-messing with the artistic vision."

LAURA: I understand. I don't want people messing with my artistic vision, either.

MATT: "There you are."

LAURA: You and me, Orly. We're going to be fast friends.

MATT: "I like the idea of that. Point of order--"

LAURA: Did you say "porn of order?"

MATT: "Point of order."

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: "You don't happen to have any sort of gem dust, do you?"

LAURA: Gem dust. Like a gem that's been powdered?

MATT: "Yeah."

LAURA: Or like ink?

MATT: "Oh, I have plenty of ink. It's m-m-more--"

LAURA: Wait, are you trying to make a sparkly ink?

MATT: "M-m-more or less."

LAURA: I mean, I don't have any powdered gems, but I could probably powder some gems.

MATT: "I picked up this technique years ago from some of the individuals that spawned from the legacy of the island folk. It allows me to instill a m-m-mighty ink spot." As he does that, he flexes his arm and the tattoo shimmies every so slightly and his muscles bulge a bit.

LAURA: Oh my god. Will you teach me how to do that if I give you some dust?

MATT: "See, it's not so much something that can be easily taught; more that it's something bequeathed by an elder."

LAURA: Do you want to bequeath me?

MATT: "No."

LAURA: What if you really like me, though?

MATT: "We'll see how time goes by. For the time being, just let me know if I can be of service." He talks to you about it and he gives you an overview of his capabilities. For different types of gem dust, he can imbue somebody with a series of tattoos that can alter elements of their physical self. It's not inexpensive, and each person can only have it once ever, so it's not like you can have multiple. For 2,200 gold worth of a ruby dust he can imbue a permanent +1 to strength.

TRAVIS: What?

MATT: For 2,200 gold worth of emerald dust he can do a permanent +1 to dex. He runs down the stat sheet there. The most expensive one's constitution; that's 2,500 worth of diamond dust. There are all the different gem types there. He can also imbue certain resistances. Those are more expensive, those are 5,000 gold worth of fire opal dust for fire resist and 5,000 gold worth of black sapphire dust for cold resist. He has the capability of imbuing essentially magical, permanent tattoos.

LAURA: That is amazing.

MARISHA: I have a jeweler's kit. (pigeon cooing)

LAURA: Oh my gosh.

MARISHA: Beau made jewelry. (pigeon cooing)

TRAVIS: That's a shit-load of jewels.

MATT: Yeah, that's something.

LAURA: That's a lot of jewels.

SAM: We have some, though.

LAURA: Yeah, we have some.

TALIESIN: Some stuff that we don't want to get rid of.

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: I want some magic tattoos!

LAURA: Oh my gosh, do they shimmer, though, do look sparkly on your body, do they look shiny?

MATT: You can see aspects of, based on what enchantment it is-- like on Orly, his is specifically an aquamarine dust. It has this faint, aquamarine, light blue shimmy to it; as soon as the light hits it, it glitters across.

LAURA: (gasping)

TRAVIS: Oh, fuck.

MATT: Aquamarine dust being the one that boosts charisma.

LAURA: Orly, you're so charismatic.

MATT: "M-m-many folk have said that."

LAURA: I would definitely want to learn this from you, and I probably, once I get a little more rich and I have some powdered gems, I'm going to have you do it to me.

MATT: "Well, looks like you're just going to have to keep me employed for quite a while."

LAURA: Yeah, don't get hurt, okay?

MATT: "Don't get me hurt." He goes back to finishing up the tattoo on the individual.

LAURA: Okay, what was the guy's name that was getting a tattoo?

MATT: That was Waldok.

LAURA: Waldok. Well, Waldok, I'll see you later.

MATT: “(grunts) Okay.”

LAURA: I'm going to go carpenter some stuff.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: Holy shit.

MATT: Roughly eight days into this journey, you've moved about 100 miles off the shore of the southern island of Bwuali when a small horn sound goes off on the Squalleater. (horn call) It's a small horn. It's very horn.

LAURA: I had a flashback.

MATT: I know. This wasn't meant to be an epic horn that I totally failed on. This is intentionally a small horn. Glancing at the top, you can see Avantika has climbed to the center of the mainmast and towards one of the crow's nests up top, and, looking down, points to you, Fjord, and goes, "Quartermaster, call two of your compatriots that you trust to the top with me."

TRAVIS: Will do! Jester, Deuce.

TALIESIN: Yeah?

TRAVIS: Up top.

TALIESIN: Oh, yeah, I like it up there.

MATT: You guys climb up the mainmast to the crow's nest, and there you see Avantika with a spyglass, and she leans in to the three of you, directing mainly towards Fjord, and goes, "Now that we are at sea, I want to show you something." She pulls out the spyglass and holds it over to you and helps you point it in the direction. Here you see a vessel, a little ways off on the horizon. A little bit north of where you are, a northwestward direction. She whispers over your shoulder so the rest of you can hear. "Glancing at this ship ahead of us, it appears to be a Concord ship. A shipping vessel probably carrying trade goods. It appears to be equipped for rapid travel, but we could head it off. As my quartermaster, I ask you for your opinion. What should we do?"

TRAVIS: Well, I'm sure it's a ship of innocents. We don't want to stray from our path, correct?

MATT: "Take a look. What do you see?"

TRAVIS: I'll use the spyglass.

MATT: Make a perception check.

SAM: They're torturing orphans on the deck.

TRAVIS: 20.

MATT: Okay. Glancing at it, it's a pretty well made ship. It's meant for speed. It doesn't appear to be heavily manned. It's not carrying or transporting people. It doesn't seem to be a transport ship of any means. You see a handful of small sailors on board with a hand crossbow or a saber that's sheathed at the side. You see on the deck a handful of crates that were not kept beneath, which means it's probably pretty well-packed. It does appear to be Concord colors. Since it's traveling southward, you gather it's probably recently finished-- especially with your experience as a sailor-- finished stocking up on all its materials, travel supplies and its goods. Based on the path it's heading southward, it's either going to arc around to Tal'Dorei or be heading in the direction of Marquet or possibly, if it's feeling risky, the Shattered Teeth.

TRAVIS: Captain, are you in a habit of intercepting said vessels in your time at sea?

MATT: "Depends if we can do so quickly without losing any sort of momentum, perhaps? Not all ships are boarded and there is a loss of life. Most, I'd say probably 80 percent of encounters out here, is just intimidation. Most let us take what we want and continue on our way. They don't want to die."

TRAVIS: It's important that you know in my previous life I had encounters with pirating vessels as well and most of those experiences I did not enjoy.

MATT: "Well, to be fair, there are plenty of assholes on these waters, so it does not surprise me. But it is your choice, I say. You may talk amongst your friends, but there is opportunity."

TRAVIS: You say no need for a loss of life?

MATT: "Not unless they-- how do you say-- they are stupid?"

TRAVIS: Or stubborn.

MATT: "Either or."

TRAVIS: Well, my fellow boatswain and navigators to be? Nope? Boatswain and carpenter? Yeah.

LAURA: I'm a carpenter, Fjord. I'm learning to be a carpenter.

TRAVIS: Okay, carpenter and--

LAURA: And a really good tattoo artist.

TRAVIS: What are you?

TALIESIN: A boatswain.

TRAVIS: Oh, well, I had that completely fucking backwards.

TALIESIN: You did. I take real good notes. What say you on such a dangerous expedition as this?

TALIESIN: May I?

TRAVIS: Oh yes, of course.

TALIESIN: I'm going to take a look at this thing.

MATT: Make a perception check.

TALIESIN: 22.

MATT: Okay. You make out the same details as he does. Nothing catches your attention. Nothing about it seems out of the ordinary per se, but it does seem to be a vessel that is filled with its payload and making its way south.

LAURA: Let me see!

MATT: Make a perception check.

LAURA: Only because I would totally do it if they were both looking and I rolled like shit. I think there's a ship!

TRAVIS: You're not wrong.

TALIESIN: Obviously the decision is yours, but we are low on supplies which means we have more to lose. If something goes wrong, we lose vital members of our crew or burn through magic ability. We're going to be without food where as I'm sure they're probably very well stocked and prepared for these sorts of eventualities. I feel like we would be coming in from a place of weakness. That's my initial thought.

TRAVIS: Jester?

LAURA: Oh man, I don't know. I'd be okay with it, I guess.

TRAVIS: You're up for a scrap on the seas?

LAURA: Well, it doesn't have to be a scrap like Avantika said. It could be, you know, go in and take stuff but maybe we could also give them something!

TRAVIS: What would we give them?

LAURA: I don't know, like new names or pretty drawings?

TALIESIN: Fine art.

LAURA: Yeah, we could just make it a fun time for them.

MATT: "An aggressive trade. Interesting."

TRAVIS: Very well.

MATT: "What is your decision?"

TRAVIS: As long as we abstain as well as we can from violence and as long as your men in the crew understand my disgust at such tactics, I think we can make our way towards an intercept.

MATT: You watch as this playful look on her face as she watches this discourse turns into this extremely intense, Joker-like grin and she goes "Well then, welcome to piracy my friends. Come." She jumps off the side and heads the ropes down and begins shouting off commands to people on the ship.

TALIESIN: I think that escalated rather quickly.

LAURA: She made me question what we just did. I thought it was one thing and then her face made me think it's a whole other thing.

TRAVIS: Well, you said we need supplies right?

TALIESIN: Well, I said that we were in a position of disadvantage.

TRAVIS: I felt like your words were different before. Listen, we're going to not use violence all right? I'm not--

MATT: The sails shift as the ropes are being pulled--

TRAVIS: Do me a favor. Spread the word amongst the rest of us and make sure the rest of the crew hears as well. I don't want innocent blood shed if it can be helped.

LAURA: I mean, whatever, Fjord. I guess we can do that if you want to. I don't care.

TRAVIS: Thank you, Jester.

LAURA: I'm already down. I'm not there anymore.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: I feel like this is somehow connected to your previous bad decisions.

MARISHA: Aw shit.

TRAVIS: Nope. Is the big ogre--

MATT: Bouldergut?

TRAVIS: Yes, that name.

MATT: Yes, Bouldergut is on this ship. She has been moved from The Mistake partially because Bouldergut acts as a bodyguard to Avantika and because the other ship itself is in serious need of repairs. They assume probably don't put the giant heavy ogre on it.

TRAVIS: Can I find Bouldergut?

MATT: Sure enough. Bouldergut is down there currently getting ready with a giant great club that is carved from an older masthead.

TRAVIS: Bouldergut?

MATT: "What?"

TRAVIS: I'm sure that is just for show, yes?

MATT: "Right. For show."

TRAVIS: It's important you understand I have an agreement with the captain. No unnecessary bloodshed. You will make sure that the rest of the men know this.

MATT: She looks back and Avantika goes, "Oh don't worry. You are the quartermaster. You are the one who is to be boarding any sort of ships that we encounter so you choose your people."

TRAVIS: I know. Making sure you know. That is all.

TALIESIN: In my imagination that felt vaguely like a threat.

MATT: At this point you watch as Ipess, who is the second mate of the ship, this sunburned gnome begins scurrying up the rope to go ahead and put their flag on display. Ipess. I-P-E-S-S.

TALIESIN: What does the flag look like?

MATT: The flag on this is a dull gray purple color and it has a similar sketch of the same eye tattoo that Avantika has on her chest.

TALIESIN: All right.

MATT: As that goes up and the ship begins to move to intercept, glancing through the eyeglass in the distance you can see the other ship noticing the approach and there is now a bunch of chaos as they all begin running up and down the ship notifying everybody else on there. What are you doing to prepare, guys?

TRAVIS: I'm running to find Nott, our master gunner-in-training. I'll say: Nott? I need you to keep an eye on those guns we're not looking--

SAM: (shouting) All right you motherfuckers! I need hollow charges loaded! I need extra fuses on every motherfucking cannon! Get me hollow shells loaded with extra charges. I want four cannonballs on every cannon! Move!

TRAVIS: Nott! Oh my god! Look. Again, we're not looking to sink this ship, okay? We're going to try and board, get what we need and let them go. I don't want unnecessary violence.

MARISHA: I run in with a keg of black powder that I've building. (shouting) Are we fighting?!

SAM: (shouting) Yeah!

MARISHA: (shouting) Is this a fight?

SAM: (shouting) Light them up! Load them up! Put the charges at the ready!

MARISHA: (shouting) Who's trying to punk our ass?

SAM: (shouting) Short fuses!

MARISHA: Okay!

MATT: The angry, tough red-bearded dwarf that actually acts as the cannon master of the ship that goes by the name of Ophiscan Duth. "I'm interested in possibly getting involved, but this is too much fun to watch. Keep going, goblin, I'm liking it."

SAM: (shouting) If you're not going to help stand out of my way!

MARISHA: All right, I've got five pounders, eight pounders, 12 pounders, short fuses and a 20 pound keg.

MATT: Two of the other deckhands who act as powder monkeys are also helping get things organized.

MARISHA: What are we doing? What's going on?

TRAVIS: We're doing great. Beau, you're going to join me as we pull alongside the ship.

MARISHA: Okay!

TRAVIS: You're part of the boarding party. Go up above.

MARISHA: Okay.

TRAVIS: Nott? I pull Nott close and I say: If you fucking fire on that ship before they fire on us you will never get into the Academy. Do you understand?

SAM: The Academy?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MARISHA: So we're not fighting?

TRAVIS: The letter that I have that grants me access?

SAM: Oh.

TRAVIS: If you want that for Caleb--

SAM: Oh, I see.

TRAVIS: So act real tough and yell real loud. Don't fire on them unless they fire on us, you understand?

MATT: "Though I would recommend if you're going to fire do a warning shot. Tends to get them a bit spooked in their boots and slowing down."

SAM: So a warning shot's okay?

MATT: "Across the bow, not at the ship. In front of it, away from it but just enough to show a little bit of power."

SAM: To me it seems like the closer the more intimidating. Right?

MATT: "There's a bit of a range of error with these weapons. They're not a perfect art."

SAM: So “don't fire at them?”

TRAVIS: As long as you don't hit the ship.

SAM: All right.

TRAVIS: I'm sure you'll--

SAM: (shouting) Come on you, motherfuckers! Get ready to fire!

MATT: At this point, the sails are fully unfurled. Speed is picking up. The other ship was trying to gain speed, and it is a very fast ship, but as it tries to move away it ends up putting you at a parallel pace. At which point, the master gunner leans into you and goes "Ahem. About now would be fine, I think."

SAM: To fire?

MATT: "We want them to slow down, eh?"

SAM: All right. I'm so excited. I'm just going to take a swig.

MATT: He gets behind you and-- not quite like making the vase in Ghost, but is trying to help show you exactly how to set things up and get the cannon ready and aim it.

SAM: Are you with us?

TRAVIS: I'm going to leave you to it. I'm going back upstairs.

SAM: Okay I'll cast a quick Message and say: Fjord I'm about to fire my warning shot. Good to go? You can respond to this message.

TRAVIS: At your will, yeah.

SAM: All right. I will light the fuse? I don't know how you do it.

TALIESIN: Powder, ball, make ready, fire.

MATT: Powder, place the shot, put the fuse in, aim then fire.

SAM: Okay. Do I have to roll for this?

MATT: Yeah. Go ahead and make an intelligence check.

SAM: Okay, that's a natural one.

LAURA: Oh no.

TALIESIN: I'm so excited!

LIAM: What the fuck.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Ready! Aim!

TRAVIS: The cannon goes (creaking).

MATT: You light the fuse.

SAM: Fire!

MATT: (sizzling)

SAM: What happened? What's going on?

MATT: "What order did you put them in?"

SAM: I put the fuse in first and then I put the powder in and then one of the balls? Is that right?

MATT: "I don't think that's how--"

SAM: Maybe I did them--

MATT: "I think you fucked it up."

SAM: I think I did the ball first and then the powder.

MATT: "I think that's-- right, we're going to have to clean that cannon."

SAM: Shit!

MATT: "You're going to have to clean that cannon."

SAM: Let's go to another cannon!

MATT: "All right, we'll move over to this one." So you begin setting up the other cannon.

SAM: Uh-huh.

MATT: So you put the powder first, put the ball, get the-- (explosion) The other cannon goes off.

TALIESIN: At least you weren't looking in it.

MATT: There's a shaking sound with splintering wood and a bit of smoke in the vicinity. You glance over and that cannon is fucked.

LAURA: I come running in. Do I need to fix a hole?

SAM: It's not wood, but sure.

LIAM: Caleb runs up from under the deck with sulfur in one hand and bat shit in the other one. What is going on? What is this?

SAM: Sorry!

LIAM: What are we doing?

SAM: Technical difficulties.

MARISHA: Can somebody please tell us what the fuck is going on?

TALIESIN: We are apparently committing an act of piracy.

MATT: At this point Ophiscan sees this and knowing your skill set goes, "Go back upstairs. There's a lot of powder in this room."

LIAM: Aren't we--oh. Oh!

MATT: "Upstairs."

LIAM: You're good?

MATT: "Fireboy. Go. Go get."

SAM: I was born to do this.

MATT: "All right, so you owe us a cannon. Try again."

LAURA: I use the cantrip Mending.

MATT: We'll see if that would help a destroyed cannon.

LAURA: Probably not.

MATT: That's a lot of material.

LIAM: I could fix it.

MATT: A single break or tear-- no. That cannon’s fucked.

LAURA: One little thing goes (squeaking).

MATT: All right, try it again. The DC is lower this time because now you've fucked up.

SAM: I've got this. Are they getting away?

MATT: You've managed to head them off. They're managing to get speed and they're curving this way and you guys are curving to meet them.

TRAVIS: They're curving fast because there was a detonation.

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: Okay, that's better. Intelligence check, 20. Couldn't be more different.

MATT: Without issue this time, proper order with a rapid pace. Halfway through, Ophiscan's like, "Eh, sorry."

SAM: Hey, back off old man.

MATT: You set it, light the fuse. (explosion) The whole thing lurches back about two feet and there's a large wooden platform that catches it from the impact. The room shakes for a second and you glance through the little side of the gunport and you watch it hit the water maybe about 40 feet out from the front of the other ship. You hear shouting from the other ship and you watch as it starts to slow and come to a slower crawl. It begins to give up its chase.

SAM: I cast Message. Fjord, mission accomplished. Board at will! You can respond to this message.

TRAVIS: Well done, Nott.

LAURA: Oh my gosh.

SAM: Oh boy.

MATT: This is more for just a visual perspective.

MARISHA: Just for visuals.

SAM: You guys, if you live in the UK, you're going to get some faster, cheaper shipping.

MARISHA: Way cheaper.

SAM: Of the art book.

MARISHA: Uh-huh. Because books are heavy.

SAM: Which going to be available what day?

LAURA: Monday at nine.

SAM: This is exciting, but also D&D Beyond.

LAURA: Whoa, Matthew Mercer! So cool!

SAM: You made those?

MATT: Well no, this was sent to me by fans of the show who actually make these, and then this I had custom made a while back in case this ever came around.

SAM: Does this ship have a grid printed on it or carved into it?

MATT: Yeah, lasered in. Just to give you perspective, as you guys pull up from the side of this, eventually the two ships are brought in, anchor is dropped.

LAURA: Which one is ours?

MATT: This is yours, here. This is the Squalleater. On the opposite end, the crew has all moved up to the deck. They have weapons at the ready, but not necessarily ready to fire. They're in the process of realizing they don't have much recourse at this moment. The rest of Avantika's crew, or at least a number of them, have come up on the deck in support. But you're the one who's helming this. What do you do?

TRAVIS: I look over at Caleb. Caleb, have you any desire to intimidate some folks?

LIAM: Do you need that? Yeah, okay.

TALIESIN: Do we have a name of this ship?

TRAVIS: Beau's going with.

MATT: The Squalleater. Oh their ship?

LIAM: She is intimidating.

LAURA: Hey Fjord? You know, sometimes you can be nice to people, too. And make them think that they are friends.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I don't know. That's not where I'm going. Beau?

MARISHA: Yeah?

TRAVIS: Team up with Bouldergut. I want you to go on the opposite ship and find me the captain.

MARISHA: Okay.

TRAVIS: Can I see how many men, now that we're close, how many are above deck?

MATT: Yes. To give you kind of a brief perspective here, what you see on deck, off to the side. Those are the people you see. Some of them appear to be deckhands and aren't armed aside from a small shortsword on their side. A couple of them appear to be a little better dressed, but none of them are warriors. They don't appear to have a very visible guard on the deck of the ship.

TRAVIS: Okay. Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.

MATT: No, go ahead.

TRAVIS: I'm coming with you, just keep an eye out and make sure no one is doing any shifty biz.

MARISHA: And you want no violence here whatsoever?

TRAVIS: Not unless-- Rules of engagement apply. Do not fire or attack unless fired upon.

TALIESIN: Do you want me to make an announcement, maybe?

TRAVIS: Yes.

TALIESIN: Thaumaturgy, I'm going to project my voice very loudly onto the other ship.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Fellow friends at sea, we wish to have a parlay with your captain and we hope to keep this entire confrontation as bloodless and reasonable as humanly possible. We will do our best to be civil and not encourage anything inappropriate over the next several minutes. We would appreciate your cooperation in this direction. Then I'm going to try and make all the doors open and available to us from the other ship with Thaumaturgy as well. I'm going to pop all their doors open.

MATT: Soon as that sentence comes to an end, you hear a rapid clattering of heavy wood against wood. It's all of the various ports and doors in the interior of the ship all manage to slam open at once. All the members on the opposite side look at each other. Make an intimidation check.

TALIESIN: What number is that? I have a number in that, let's see what it does. That's a 22.

MATT: A 22?! They all look at each other and begin to back even further away from the edge. One of them rushes down and goes deeper into the ship and a moment later returns with one figure which appears to be better dressed than the others. You see very bright blonde hair and a relatively well-dressed leather tunic over decent captain’s clothing. He comes to the front and goes, "I am the captain of The Stormcap. Who am I to be parlaying with?"

TRAVIS: I'll step forward and reach for gloves that aren't there and not do that. My name is Fjord. I'm a representative of The Squalleater here. If you will but humor us for a few moments, I'm afraid we're very short on supplies. We need to replenish our stores and perhaps enrich our pockets. If your men behave, I'm sure we will all get out of this very little worse for wear.

MATT: "I am Captain Jules Errog of The Stormcap, and I would very much like the lives of my men spared. What supplies do you need? Perhaps there can be a trade organized."

TRAVIS: Indeed. Deuce, food? Water?

TALIESIN: Definitely food and water. We are also in the need of some gems if possible. I'll also say that if they require any healing at all, for anybody that might be sickly on the ship. I'd be happy to offer my services.

TRAVIS: Oh indeed yes, the well being of your men obviously, was something that we would easily tend to.

MATT: His expression gets really confused. It's like, "Okay?"

MARISHA: What's Captain Avantika doing right now?

MATT: Avantika is on the other ship just leaning against the opposite side watching this happen, just keeping an eye on everything.

TRAVIS: Now in exchange for our good will in this interaction, I'm sure you won't mind if we peruse below decks and see if there is anything of interest.

MATT: Looks across to the rest of his men, looks over towards you again.

TALIESIN: I'm, by the way, human looking right now.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Smeed.

MATT: The intimidating Thaumaturgy-casting Smeed. "Okay. Do as you will."

TRAVIS: Fantastic. Bouldergut! I'll call the ogre up to just board their ship and stay on the gangplank between ours and theirs.

MATT: Bouldergut takes a step towards the gangplank and goes "Grrr." Looks over at Avantika who shouts, "Perhaps not having her on the plank is a good idea?"

TRAVIS: Oh no, I'm sorry, on their ship, on that side of the gangplank.

MATT: Bouldergut backs up and does a running jump and hits the other side and you watch the ship shift in the water from the impact and the weight of this ogre. So now you have that.

TRAVIS: Our friend here is going to play chaperone and ensure everyone stays nice and happy up here. Beau, would you mind coming with me?

MARISHA: Yeah, absolutely.

TALIESIN: Let us know if you need anything.

TRAVIS: Will do. Again, I must emphasize, no tricky business. We're in good moods. It would be smart to keep it that way.

LIAM: I fire off a Fire Bolt straight up into the sky in an arc over and let it land in the ocean.

MATT: A Fire Bolt?

LIAM: Yeah, a Fire Bolt. You don't want us to be unhappy.

MATT: Make an intimidation check.

LIAM: 11.

MATT: Okay. The captain thinks to himself and nods. He turns and steps aside from the doorway that he's been standing in.

TRAVIS: I motion to a third so it’s not just Beau and myself. One of the other crew members of The Squalleater to come with us downstairs.

MATT: Okay. At your disposal right there would probably be Vera, who is the previous quartermaster, but she is a bit older, not quite geriatric, but is in her older years.

SAM: (cooing) Yasha!

MARISHA: We’re trying to go with Squalleater people. Waldok?

TRAVIS: Vera, Ipess?

MARISHA: Ipess or Waldok?

MATT: Vera, Ipess, or Norgul. Vera Norgul is her name. Who are you calling?

TRAVIS: Yeah, let’s have Ipess come.

MATT: A giant bushy bearded gnome comes by and he has his shortsword drawn. "All right. Let’s do it. Lead on!" The three of you make it across the gangplanks and now the group is four of you including Bouldergut. The large opening that leads down into the ship, the rest--

MARISHA: Where is the captain's quarters?

MATT: The captain’s quarters is underneath in the back.

MARISHA: Be right back. I'm going to go into the captain’s quarters.

MATT: Okay. As you head down, almost everybody who’s on the ship is up top. You see a few figures that are deckhands cowering in rooms. They're scared shitless and when you begin walk past you hear (shushing). They’re trying to stay quiet. You're in the captain’s quarters. What are you doing?

MARISHA: I'm looking for any type of important paperwork, correspondence, what these guys are, traveling logs.

MATT: Make an investigation check.

LIAM: Also, when you are down there, you hear in the back of your skull: Books!

MARISHA: And books! Frumpkin, what are you doing? I put Frumpkin on my shoulder. I rolled a natural 19, so 24.

MATT: A number of shipping ledgers. There are books keeping tabs on payments to the crew and how long they've been hired. There is one paper you do find that is hidden in a locked compartment beneath, but you manage to find underneath this little bit that you can slip your fingers through, and pull a sheet of paper out on the opposite end of the shelf. This is a list of the supplies on the ship.

MARISHA: Anything of interest?

MATT: There is food and water for the journey. There are Clovis Concord spices, Menagerie Coast specialty dried meats, tropical fruits that are specifically frozen and brought so they're slowly thawing through the journey to get them as fresh as they can where they're going. This looks like this journey was intended to go to Marquet, to Port Damali, The Bay of Gifts. Amongst all the various bits of general supplies, cloths, clothing, and silks that are specific to the Menagerie Coast, there are some elements of Empire goods as well that are put in there. But the thing that catches your interest: there is one last addition. Everything else seems to be written in one type of handwriting, and there is a different type of handwriting in the final entry, and the final entry says, “Requested package: guarded,” and the amount that was paid for that was 1,800 gold. That was received by the captain on this ledger to keep on the down low.

MARISHA: I'm going to immediately look around. Do I see any of the safes where you would hide a guarded package in here?

MATT: In here? You do not, not within this chamber.

MARISHA: All right. I go meet Fjord and Norgul. Nope! Ipess. That’s who’s with us, I go meet them.

MATT: Okay. While you're looking, are you waiting for Beau or are you heading out?

TRAVIS: Yeah, we go together.

MATT: Beau joins up with you guys.