The Climb Within/Transcript

Pre-Show
MATT: We've just returned from the chaos of Gen Con, which was awesome, and we're all still recovering from that chaos. It was a very high-energy weekend. We got to meet a lot of you guys out there. Didn't get to meet enough of you. There's only so much time in the weekend, and those that we didn't, we'll hopefully get a chance to meet you at a future event. The live show went really well. We hope people who were there enjoyed it.

Let's see. We have Laura and Travis coming in hot right now. They'll be here as soon as they can. In the interim, couple announcements, couple fun things. One, there will not be a standard episode of Critical Role next week because me, Taliesin, Marisha, Laura, and Travis will be off in the desert somewhere. Instead, there will be a one-shot being run by none other than the wonderful, illustrious, talented Sam Riegel. His first game of any roleplaying game he's ever DMed before.

SAM: I was just learning how to DM from Matt about a minute ago! And I think I know.

MATT: I think you've got this. You want to talk about any of the people who will be playing with you?

SAM: Sure! My players that I will be controlling-- that's how it works, right, Matt? My players will be the talented and charming Liam O'Brien: dagger, dagger, dagger, dagger, dagger; the charming and cabbage-smelling Brian Foster; friend of the show and charming everything, Mary Elizabeth McGlynn; young Ashly Burch, pulling some shit out of her ass, I'm sure, which is going to be awesome; and then a player we have not played with yet. He's a lovely voice actor and a talented man: Eric Bauza. Look him up on IMDB. He's the voice of everything.

LIAM: Bauza is funny as fuck.

SAM: He has never played Dungeons and Dragons before.

MATT: I'm legitimately sad that we're gone next week. Just so we can’t be in the wings, to watch it in person.

MARISHA: We'll have a lot of road time to watch it on the way back.

LIAM: With Bauza at the table, any celebrity could show up. He can impersonate anybody. Anybody.

MATT: He has about five or six years before he becomes the voice of our industry. The living embodiment of it. Absorbs us like end of Akira. So that's going to be fun. Look forward to that next week. Let's see, what else?

SAM: Merch, Laura-- oh.

LIAM: Oh, there's some stuff in the store!

MARISHA: Oh man! So many good things!

LIAM: Okay, go to Geek and Sundry's dot com, whatever the store is!

MATT: You're going to get the shit beat out of you. She's watching it right now.

TALIESIN: Oh. Well, then you're in trouble.

SAM: Is there a book update? Is there a sticker update? Is there a shirt update?

MARISHA: There is a sticker update. We found them. The mail has found them from where USPS quite literally lost them. I think the distributor found them and now they're bringing some back to the distributor so they can be sent back to us, and then we will be dropping those in the mail.

MATT: We'll be giving those to everyone who was there at Gen Con and signed up. Whatever's left over, we'll get announcements up as to how we can get those to some folks, as well. We've got a process on that one. The Tal'Dorei Campaign Guide went well, apparently, at Gen Con. People seemed to like it. I hope you like it. I know they're pushing hard to get those orders out, all pre-orders, by mid- to late-September. So follow @GreenRoninPub at Twitter for any updates on when those'll be going out. Thank you very much.

LIAM: We should probably re-announce the art book that we're making. There's an art book that's happening. It's going to hit in the fall, at some point. It's amazing. We've seen it. We've held an approximation of it.

MATT: We've all sobbed silently as we've looked through it.

LIAM: It's beautiful.

MATT: It's the phenomenal celebration of everything that you guys have put together around this game and I'm so excited for you guys to see it.

MARISHA: It feels like a time capsule, but in a book.

LIAM: And as long as we're vamping, I've seen some of that comic book, man. It's looking good. It's under the table in my bag. It looks so good.

MATT: Our buddy Mr. Colville's done a fine job. Olivia's done an amazing job, as well. Everyone involved has been great.

MARISHA: It's so cute. We love it.

SAM: I think we've stalled all we can stall, right? By the way, the reason Travis and Laura are not here is because we all brought our dice and our little character sheets to Indianapolis, and they left theirs at home, so they drove home to go get it.

MARISHA: Yeah. Because you need a character sheet. It's important when you've crawled into a mountain's butt.

MATT: Yeah. That's what the name of this module is going to be: Crawling into the Mountain's Butt. Gygax would be proud.

LIAM: We're behind his meniscus, right? Aren't we in his knee?

MATT: Hip joint.

LIAM: Oh, real close to the butt, yeah!

MARISHA: Right in that sciatic nerve.

MATT: Bringing it to territory I'm very familiar with right now.

MARISHA: Can we do that? Can we find pressure points and take him down with acupressure?

MATT: That's up to you guys. Oh, and for next week, for Talks, I believe you're doing a special Talks Machina?

LIAM: We're doing something. We're going to fuck around.

SAM: I don't actually know. I'm laser-focused on my shitty one-shot.

LIAM: Brian and I are chatting about it. You'll be naked.

MARISHA: Thanks for tanking the week for us.

SAM: We're also doing Wednesday Club, me and Liam. We're going to be talking about my favorite book, Hellboy.

LIAM: I'm going to bring in a bag of Bazooka joke comics, from the gum.

MARISHA: Oh, I have something I can stall time with. For those who didn't catch the debut episode of One Night Only, it was awesome. We talked about Sagas of Sundry: Dread. We dressed up. We made it an event. One Night Only is our special event series that we are attempting to do monthly, is the goal. Where we bring you people from your favorite fandom in entertainment and pop culture and get to ask questions with them, panel-style. Inside the Actors Studio style.

SAM: Are you James Lipton in this equation?

MARISHA: Well, it was Darin De Paul this past week. We're going to switch it up, depending on what the subject matter is. I really want to do a JPL One Night Only, where we bring all the smart scientist dudes from NASA.

LIAM: I'm sure there are critters in Space-X.

MARISHA: And then for those who missed it, we announced at the end of One Night Only that there will be a season two of Sagas of Sundry, entitled Madness.

TALIESIN: Yeah, suddenly I showed up and there's 30 yards of red velvet that I've been begging for.

LIAM: Boy, let me tell you what I had for lunch today.

SAM: We're essentially doing an episode of allworknoplay right now. Should we start? Maybe by the time you're done--

MATT: I think at this point, we have to.

LIAM: I will jaeger Pike, Grog, and Vex. It will be fine. "Titties. Let's do it."

MATT: Anyway. (laughs) That being the case, as we await the return of two of our players, let us begin tonight's journey on tonight's episode of Critical Role.

[dramatic music]

Part I
MATT: Hello, and welcome back. So. Last we left off on this adventure--

(giggling)

MATT: Goddamn it, Liam. Last we left off on this adventure, Vox Machina had been counting down their preparations to the eventual showdown and second battle with Vecna, whom they discovered recently had completed his ascension into godhood, the only god on the Prime Material Plane. Not knowing what his plans were, you began to bring together what information you had, upon gathering blessings from different deities and pieces of their divinity to craft the Prime Trammels, a device that was once used to seal the Chained Oblivion, long ago.

You traveled deep beneath the volcano of Scaldseat, beneath the ocean, off the coast of Issylra. Between Percival and Grog's newfound imbuement of skills and knowledge via Ioun, you managed to successfully defeat the guardian, craft the trammels and return to Vasselheim, where you discovered via Pike that there was a council meeting happening within the Platinum Sanctuary. There you met up with the Hand of Ord.

MARISHA: Yeah, everyone was there.

MATT: Hierophant Ophera of the Birthheart. There was Earthbreaker Groon. There were Maidens of the Raven. Eventually, Allura and Kima, and J'mon Sa Ord had also come into the fray.

During this discussion about what to do, what to handle, you were granted a ring by High Bearer Vord that, within a certain radius, could prevent divinations or specifically scrying on you. Not the School of Divination, but magics that divine your location, whatever's in your vicinity.

This moment, the council was interrupted by an image of Vecna taunting you, until it was dispelled by Allura. The discussion was that something was going on in the mountain range where Vecna seemed to have Thar Amphala, which had been discovered by a couple of surviving wyvern riders. Thinking about the two possible locations that could be of interest to Vecna, you gathered your materials, your preparations, and with the first striking lot of wyvern riders, on the back of the newly transformed J'mon Sa Ord into the Devo’ssa dragon form, you were transported via druids to the northern icy landscape of Issylra, to the base of the Zenwick Mountains.

You discovered that the Crypts of Thomara, an ancient, forgotten dwarven society that had destroyed itself through cannibalism and madness was now a sinkhole in the mountain range, and a series of large, heavy, 150-plus-foot-across cavernous openings in the ground formed a pattern that you soon discovered were footfalls. Steps. You came upon the risen undead primordial earth titan, long left beneath the surface of the world, dead since the Founding, now given unlife and walking its way southeast toward Vasselheim. Atop its shoulders, you saw Thar Amphala, protected by some sort of magical barrier.

There you struggled with a few fleets of flying gloomstalkers that were charging their way toward you. You turned yourself invisible through both Scanlan and J'mon Sa Ord-- J'mon or Devo’ssa: both forms, same person-- you managed to, thanks to a very high roll from Keyleth, discover there was a waterfall or trickle of liquid near the hip of this giant titan. Its giant, four, swinging arms of imminent danger in its vicinity only managed to clip Keyleth and Vax once.

Surviving the impact, you all gathered at this ingress right around the hip of the titan, where you leapt off the dragon and proceeded to make your way in. Keyleth, using Control Water, was keeping the heavy flow of an underground river from blowing you off the broken steps that lead into your entry. And that is where we left off.

At this time, Keyleth, as you're all standing, looking over your shoulder, you can see the opening where you entered. It's this giant view through this window where you can see down below to the mountains and the valleys and the landscapes outside. You can hear the wind blowing though and battering like a heavy, deep whistle. Oh! And we have the rest of our party. Perfect timing. Welcome.

SAM: Okay, we'll start from announcements again.

LIAM: I did a very good job with merchandise.

LAURA: Did you? What did you say about merchandise?

SAM: He didn't say anything, but he did a great impression of you.

LAURA: Cool. Sorry about that.

SAM: A professional is on time, Laura.

TRAVIS: It was actually up to me to remember, and I didn't. She was closest to home.

MATT: So thank you, Laura. As you all stand on the outside of the opening of this titan ingress, the slick stone steps that break off and crumble into the open expanse where you can plummet hundreds of feet to your death, should you slip. Keyleth is holding the water at bay, keeping the flow from pushing you all back outside of the large earth entity. Gathering your strength, you watch as J'mon Sa Ord's brass dragon form flies just outside of your visual range. You now all stand within this 15-foot-wide entryway. What do you do?

TALIESIN: Is there a passage so we can get out of the flow of the water, once it's been released?

MATT: Currently, the flow mostly covers about ten to 15 feet of this opening. It flows downward. It's not super strong, but it's enough where it would be somewhat dangerous to some of you. However, Keyleth is keeping it at bay for as long as she can concentrate.

LIAM: If she weren't controlling it, would there still be, even though there's danger, some air?

MATT: Yeah. It may be up to your knees as far as the flow. It's a possible slip, and you're fighting the current to push you outside of the titan.

MARISHA: It's concentration up to ten minutes, so let's move quickly.

SAM: So we're going in? Into the giant?

TALIESIN: Well, it's either that or back out.

LAURA: Do I still have Pass Without a Trace on us?

MATT: You haven't lost concentration on it, so I imagine so. What's the marching order, by the way?

LIAM: I'll be up front.

MATT: All right, we have Vax up front. Who's next?

MARISHA: I'll be behind Vax, since we touched down first, I guess.

MATT: All right, Keyleth’s after Vax. Who's next?

LAURA: I will be behind them.

MATT: All right. Is Trinket still in your necklace?

LAURA: Yeah, I'm bamfing him out right now.

MATT: Okay. Trinket is out, next to you. Who's after Vex?

SAM: I will be lucky Pierre, right in the middle.

LIAM: Pike will walk right in front of Grog.

TRAVIS: I'll be the caboose.

TALIESIN: I'll be between Pike and Grog, right there.

MATT: Okay. Good to know. Slick steps across the smooth stone walkway. The water, however, being kept at bay by Keyleth. You watch as this river is being curled back into itself. The flow is being staunched. It's briefly frozen in time. It's a unique thing to see, especially as there is no light source inside, so you can see, especially those of you with darkvision, the flow and the movement. It swirls back on itself and seems to be contained in that space. As you push up, bits of it splash and trickle out to the side, but for the most part you maintain complete control of this flow.

As you continue up the cracked stone stairs, there's a slight right curvature up into this shaded area. The roof of this opening is maybe ten feet tall. It dips down, with some of the rough rock outside and ceiling area of this, to about seven to six feet. Grog, you have to dip down a few times. You see hints of stalactites that you have to maneuver around and push through. It's not a huge opening, and it seems to vary in its size. With each heavy footfall, you have to catch yourself on the wall as the impact and the shake, the (crashing) of each step of the titan you're within seems to cause you to shift slightly, and a faint bit of dust be released from the tunnel around you.

LIAM: Because we don't know what part of this is the titan's butt and earth, but some of it could have been made by cannibal dwarves at some point, I'm going to assume I'm looking for traps and listening for undead cannibal dwarves.

MATT: Okay, so you're taking a very slow approach.

MARISHA: Actually, that's a good point. Does this look like it was carved by man from cannibal dwarves, or nature-made?

MATT: Make an investigation check.

MARISHA: Investigation, or nature check?

MATT: This would not be a nature check.

MARISHA: My better one? That doesn't count. No, nope. Four total.

MATT: Much of this tunnel seems to be natural cavern, but there were steps when you first came in. There were stone steps that were carved or placed within the dirt that eventually were consumed or covered by silt and loose earth and whatever the river knocked loose and began to flow over it. So you can see both. A lot of this is natural, but there seem to be, at least in the 30 or 40 feet you've made into the tunnel, you've seen elements of civilization, of crafted entry, that merge with the terrain.

MARISHA: Did we get a time frame of how long ago this crypt was built before? How old this crypt has been around?

MATT: Early Age of Arcanum, so best estimate from what you knew, you guys both learning of the history of this, well over 1,500 years, if not longer.

SAM: Before the great war thing?

MATT: After the Founding, which was the first great war, where the titans were slaughtered. Beginning of the Age of Arcanum, which was long before the Divergence.

TRAVIS: Can I touch the ground, now that we're in the titan? I'm thinking maybe this might be where the Knuckles are from. Can I touch it and see if the oven mitts do anything?

MATT: Their general, faint vibration never stops. There's a perpetual, very minute hum to them. Touching it doesn't seem to have any effect or change. The proximity seems to be triggering some sort of harmonization.

TRAVIS: I reach up and touch my Adam's apple and (vibrating) this place is crazy. Sorry. No, you wouldn't do it? I thought you would.

MATT: All right, so make an investigation check, Vax, as you slowly lead the group up this slightly curving tunnel.

LIAM: That is a 27.

MATT: 27, okay.

LAURA: I didn't get to sort them.

MATT: Well, you should do that now.

TALIESIN: Chaos. Introducing chaos.

MATT: As you guys slowly make your way along the path, behind Vax, you look out and occasionally see bits of loose earth that looks looser than most. As you brush it aside, you can see the steps continue. A lot of it's been buried, but this was a staircase that slowly ascended and curved. The movement of the titan seems to have knocked a lot of the loose tunnel to cover it. As you brush it aside, you carefully look about, and you can see that there are occasional symbols of a writing you don't understand, but nothing stands out to you as a trap or a trigger.

MARISHA: Does it look familiar to any of us?

MATT: What languages do you guys know?

TRAVIS: Why are you even looking over here? I know stick figures. I know charades.

MATT: Do any of you know Dwarven?

LAURA: You can read Dwarven now! You can read now, Grog. You can read four- to five-letter words.

TRAVIS: I can read Dwarven because of the belt.

SAM: But only tiny bits.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I might fuck up the bigger pieces.

MATT: Grog, as Vax points out some of these symbols, you sit there and concentrate really hard on one of the carvings in the recently uncovered stone step. As you focus, you begin to sound out the sound to yourself repeatedly. (hesitant syllables) You're trying to find the right way to pronounce it.

TRAVIS: Baa-ram-ewe. Babe, anyone?

MATT: It takes you about two to three minutes to sound this out, which knocks about two to three minutes off of your concentration time for your Control Water spell. But this looks to be carved in as a warning.

TRAVIS: Du. Du hast. Du hast mich.

(laughter)

MATT: Strangely, if you could have seen Thomara when it was a highly functioning society, they would have been blasting Rammstein everywhere, man.

LIAM: Speak Rammstein and enter.

MATT: Yeah, these weren't the happy-go-lucky dwarves of old. This was a brutal clan.

TRAVIS: It looks like a warning of some kind.

MATT: The rough translation from what you can-- spending about five minutes or so breaking out this glyph and a few of the glyphs, it says, "Leave. Death here. No further."

TRAVIS: Right, it says, "Leaves, death here, no further." So leaves, death here, leaves of death here, but no further. I'm still working it out.

SAM: Maybe it's "no fur." Maybe we should leave Trinket. I'm just saying, that's the furriest one. I don't want Trinket to die.

LAURA: Thanks, Scanlan.

MARISHA: I feel like we already knew so much of that.

TRAVIS: I've been working really hard. That was five minutes of the most concentration I've ever given to one thing in my life. Thanks.

MARISHA: Okay, let's get up this river before I lose concentration.

MATT: You push up another 60 or so feet, Vax still keeping the point man on this. Slowly pulling forward, you begin to hear the sound of rushing water growing louder and louder. You eventually come across the rift in the ceiling that is spilling forth the water that is forming this river. It looks like there is a recent crack and a piece of eroded earth that has fallen out from some sort of water source further up inside the titan that is causing this river to continuously run in and out of this titan.

SAM: How does this work? How much water could a titan hold?

MARISHA: Well, this thing is massive.

SAM: I know, but is there a barrel of water in his chest?

MARISHA: Maybe a lake? An underground lake?

TALIESIN: We're always impressed by how much water comes out of *you*.

MATT: At this point, you guys would be able to move around and continue up past where this opening is, and the river would no longer be impeding your path.

LAURA: Let's do that. Keep moving up, right? That's where the city is.

SAM: Sure.

MARISHA: Hang on. Can I do a nature check? Is there anything weird about this?

LAURA: While she's doing a nature check, I want to do primeval awareness and sense undead in the area. Within a mile of me.

MATT: Okay. *Many*.

LAURA: Within the mile?

MATT: Within a mile, which is the entirety of the titan, many. Thousands.

TRAVIS: But they're probably in inoperable pieces.

LAURA: Are they all above us or are some near us?

MATT: Nothing within the immediate vicinity. Due to the limitations of primeval awareness, which does not show you the exact location, you sense the presence and vague direction. Forward and upward, there is this giant mass of undead force that the minute you focus, it causes you to hold your breath. As soon as the impact hits you, you have to remind yourself to exhale.

SAM: But maybe they're all hypnotized or something.

MARISHA: 17?

MATT: Okay. The structural damage appears to be natural. As you pay attention and watch as another footfall of the titan hits (crashing) and it shakes, you watch as another piece of rock falls and a little of the water flow expands to allow a little more water to exit. You get the sense that, as the titan moves, the longer it travels--

MARISHA: The more it's going to fall apart?

MATT: Or at least portions of it that were built into the titan, that aren't part of its natural body--

MARISHA: Start to crumble?

MATT: Some of them may.

LAURA: What if we Earthquake the titan?

SAM: To do what?

LAURA: To fucking fall apart!

SAM: But we're in it.

LAURA: Yeah, but we could take out the entire city.

SAM: We're in it!

TALIESIN: Last time we did that, it kept floating up top.

LAURA: But it couldn't move for a while.

MARISHA: We have to get to the top. This thing is too big. I don't think my Earthquake will do enough.

LIAM: It's in the grab bag. It's an option.

TRAVIS: If we're inside the GI tract of this titan and we give it an Earthquake, is it basically like a big old dead titan fart?

LAURA: Potentially. It could shit out a lot of dwarven zombies.

TALIESIN: It is also an option if we do get overrun.

TRAVIS: True.

MARISHA: Did you learn it today, Pike?

LAURA: "Yeah."

SAM: Oh, we're playing Pike?

LIAM: We're playing Pike.

SAM: You two?

LIAM: We are. We're the Pike jaegers.

SAM: Okay.

LAURA: Mostly Liam.

LIAM: You can do the impression, and I will sort through the pages.

MATT: There you go. You guys descend past the rushing water, the sound of the river begins to slowly fade behind you as you continue to spiral upward the slow crawling, ascending tunnel. The dirt that consumes the stairs at your feet eventually begins to give away as your feet find purchase in softer earth from loose gravel and the rocky terrain. As you continue to push further and further into the interior of this titan, you feel another heavy impacting footfall, and all of you have to brace yourself against the nearby wall, this impact seeming heavier than others, and as it does, a number of rocks tumble past.

LAURA: What do you think he just did? Do you think he just fell?

SAM: Maybe?

TALIESIN: I think he swung at something.

MATT: Another footfall.

Another footfall. Every single hit seems to cause the foreign structure from the inside to-- hope that they were made well. Another heavy footfall hits even heavier than the last, and this one, the impact hits so hard that you guys are almost thrown to your knees as you reach out, and you hear this loud crack sound above you. I need Scanlan, Pike, Percival, and Grog to make a dexterity saving throw, please.

SAM: Dex, huh?

MATT: Yep.

LIAM: Pike needs to do it too, right?

MATT: Yep.

TRAVIS: Natural 20. Gil coming in in the clutch!

TALIESIN: 15.

SAM: 13.

LIAM: 13 for the other gnome.

MATT: All right. Everyone but Grog, you glance up just in time to watch as a large piece of the tunnel ceiling dislodges and comes plummeting down in your direction. Grog, you dive out of the way, being clipped off the shoulder, but you manage to avoid most of the impact. The rest of you, however, immediately get buried by rock and broken earth, suffering 29 points of bludgeoning damage to Percival, Pike, and Scanlan. And they are buried and restrained right now, unable to breathe.

TRAVIS: I go over and I start-- boulders, dirt, everything.

MATT: Between all of you guys able to help, it's a negligible period of time, and it wasn't too heavy of an impact. You manage to get them free over the next five or so minutes. They get their breath back. A bit battered, but you get the sense that you should travel quickly.

LAURA: We'll keep going quickly, then.

MATT: Picking up the pace, you continue up the curvature of the upward ascension. It's probably been about 60 or 70 feet since you've seen any carved portion of terrain, any sign of previous dwarven construct or building or architecture. As the tunnel stops at the curve, it eventually, looking ahead, ascends a bit, about a ten-foot climb up onto a plateau of some kind. You can see some weird root-like tree is growing out of one wall and seems to be dead and petrified in its current space. Do you guys wish to ascend to the plateau?

LAURA: We probably should, right?

LIAM: How far away is it?

MATT: It's about 40 feet from you right now.

LIAM: I'm going to creep up 20 feet in front of everybody else.

LAURA: I want to go with him. I need to keep an eye out for the zombie dwarves.

LIAM: Divine sense, which is specific to undead location, not vague, if there's any within 60 feet. I'll use one.

MATT: Okay. Focusing, no undead within 60 feet of you.

LAURA: That's good.

SAM: I drank a tiny little potion of healing. I healed six.

MATT: Good job!

LIAM: So it's leading up to a plateau?

MATT: Yeah, it goes up about ten or so feet, 15 feet up, and then it leads to another plateau, and you can't see beyond that.

LIAM: I'm going to scuttle up and look over.

MATT: Okay. Are you stealthing? Roll a stealth check.

LAURA: Add ten to it!

MATT: Vex, are you going with him or letting him scout ahead?

LAURA: I crawled up, but then, once he took off again, then I stayed.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: 41.

MATT: 41. Okay, cool.

TRAVIS: 41?

LIAM: This is old news, guys. This is old news. This is what I get to do.

TRAVIS: It seems new to me every time.

MATT: All right. You ascend to the top of this plateau. It only goes on for about 15 feet, and then descends down into another chamber that splits in two different directions. A tunnel that goes to the right and to the left. You can see, once again, the stalactites, some of them meeting in the center with the stalagmites to form pillars. You can see portions of the wall that have collapsed and created these soft landslides in one corner to the right of you. But currently, all you see is the descending tunnel and then the split, and you can't see too far one way or the other.

LIAM: Yeah. I turn around to group, and do like a-- And then I go down over, stealthing along the way.

MATT: Okay. Anyone else? What are you doing?

LAURA: I guess we follow.

SAM: What did this mean? Did this mean we were supposed to follow him and split up?

LAURA: I think that means that there's a split in the path.

SAM: Let's split up, anyway.

LAURA: Scanlan, you go one way, and we'll go the other.

MATT: Okay, so as the rest of you ascend to the top of the plateau, you make your way down to the center, and you can see that the path goes to the right and the left. Both seem fairly identical, though they're traveling in opposite directions.

TALIESIN: We entered in the left side of the body?

MATT: If you were to look at it straight on, like it's facing you, it would be the right side.

LAURA: If it's facing us.

MATT: Correct.

MARISHA: So our right, its left.

LAURA: No. Its right, our left.

TALIESIN: Looking at its butt.

MATT: If you're looking at its butt, to the right.

TALIESIN: All right, to the right leg. So if we split, we probably want to keep to the core of it.

MARISHA: So go left? To the left.

SAM: That is a decision, sure.

TALIESIN: We'll check, obviously, for air currents.

MATT: At which point, there is what sounds like an explosion of rock and dirt immediately to the left of Percival as two heavy, rock-like limbs reach out, grab, and pull him against the wall as the ceiling crumples over and collapses. He is now vanished within the wall, and now leaving a pile of rock in his place.

LAURA: Percy! Keyleth! Keyleth, dig him out!

MATT: Darkness. And you're now restrained, and there is no air.

LAURA: I start clawing at the wall where he was.

MATT: You start clawing it. At this point, with the alertness piqued up between you two and Keyleth, you glance around and you can see things emerging from the nearby walls. Like the rocks themselves are almost pushing through.

MARISHA: I say, get to the middle, stay away from the walls! And I cast Transmute Rock, right in the space where he went, and I reach my hands in and try and grab him out of mud.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Yeah, it's a 3rd-level spell.

TRAVIS: Have you ever transmuted anything before?

MARISHA: I've done it once before, and it didn't work very well.

MATT: So as you do that, this entire section of the wall (squishing) turns to a heavy, soft mud material, and your arms plunge into it, and you feel, and you grab Percival, and you pull him out. You're covered in thick, sludgy mud, and as he's pulled out, you guys glance around and you can see, shifting in the darkness, the walls in certain places seem to almost move. I need you all to roll initiative.

MARISHA: We're fighting walls! First doors, now walls!

SAM: Wow! A battle map!

TRAVIS: I know aquariums that don't look that good.

MATT: Percival, you're pulled into this side there. Keyleth had just pulled you out there. Vex and Trinket.

LAURA: I would be closer to Percy than Trinket is.

MATT: That's true. You were scrambling at the wall, so that will be Trinket over there.

LIAM: I was, as well. The twins were scrabbling at the rock.

MATT: All right. And that being the case, then, you guys are all clustered up in that platform.

LAURA: No!

LIAM: Wait. Matt, wait.

TRAVIS: (robotically) The walk sign is on.

MATT: You watch as these creatures that are similar to the living earth physicality of the titan and/or the elemental form that Keyleth has taken in the past seem to emerge, but where their once glowing elemental eyes are, there's a vacuous darkness. You feel the rumble of the ground as they shift and glide through the rock in their vicinity.

MARISHA: Oh, they're undead necromantic elemental earth ellies?

MATT: They're not undead, because you do not sense undead in the presence.

LAURA: Wait. Oh no! You guys, guess what we didn't do? We didn't have a feast.

SAM: Well, how are we going to have a feast? We were in a big board meeting and then we came here.

MATT: So getting initiative orders here. All right, 25 to 20?

TALIESIN: 21.

TRAVIS: Same thing.

LAURA: 21 as well.

MATT: Jeez. All right. 20 to 15?

LIAM: 19.

SAM: 18!

MATT: All right. 15 to ten? Ten to five?

MARISHA: Eight.

LIAM: Pike rolled a one.

MATT: Got it. Top of the round, Percival. As you emerge, covered in the sludge, you look around you. By the way, right now, you have no vision because nobody lit a torch. I should remember that. You are a human. You have no common sight. We'll say for the purposes of this, you had a torch out, so you could see.

TALIESIN: I might have been using my flashlight, I would imagine.

LIAM: Does Pike's Mace of Disruption always shed bright light for 20 feet?

MATT: When she chooses to. However, as soon as you were pulled into the wall and then dragged back out, and the whole surface of it is coated, you were seeing darkness. In your turn, you are blinded right now.

TALIESIN: I'm blinded?

MATT: Yes, because you can't see anything around you. All you hear is the moving and shifting of rock and your allies all preparing for some sort of assault.

TALIESIN: I'm going to spend my turn removing the mud from my eyes, and I think I still have a charge in my flashlight, at this point.

MATT: You can't, though. It is covered in muck and mud.

TALIESIN: I'm going to spend my bonus action clearing that and then--

MATT: We'll say it'll take your whole turn to clear yourself and to clear the light from that, so there you go. At that point, the light at the front of your weapon lights up, illuminates the vicinity, and you see the moving shadows are bits of rock and stone, moving, living out of the nearby walls.

LAURA: How do we fight rocks?

MARISHA: I'm about to tell you. Be careful. They can go into the walls and earth glide, so watch your feet.

MATT: Percival, you can move if you want to.

TALIESIN: Yeah. Is there one right next to me right now?

MATT: There's one maybe ten feet from you.

TALIESIN: I'm going to hop over by the little pool fountain. I'm going to back up and get out of this clump of people.

LAURA: That sounded like you were casting a spell.

MARISHA: They're vulnerable to thunder damage, anything vibrate-y, because rocks.

MATT: Which you all find out-- I'll say that you're yelling that as everyone is preparing. That finishes Percival's turn. Grog, you're up.

TRAVIS: I would like to rage. I would like to spin around 180 degrees, and I would like to attack Clayface right about there.

MATT: Okay, go for it.

TRAVIS: Shit Stain is down at the bottom of the stairs. Reckless!

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: Great weapon master! Assassinate! Uncanny rage!

TRAVIS: 28.

MATT: 28 hits.

TRAVIS: Okay. Oh, I reroll ones and twos. Nice! 22 plus one point of necrotic. 23 points of damage.

MATT: 23 points of damage as the first hit. As you spin around, jaw open, growling in rage (yells), you bring the axe across, and it cuts across the front of its chest. You watch as pieces of rock break off, and it still holds strong against the impact.

TRAVIS: I do it again!

MATT: Go for it.

TRAVIS: Reckless, great weapon master this time!

TRAVIS: 25.

MATT: 25 hits.

TRAVIS: 31 points of damage.

MATT: Nice! The second hit, you swing around and slam it. It actually gets stuck and wedged in part of its body. The mouth opens and gives this guttural (grunts) as a reaction. Actually giving a pain exert upon the hit. However, as it reaches out, both of its hands grab the edge of the axe. All right. That end your turn?

TRAVIS: Is he holding my axe?

MATT: He's attempting to.

TRAVIS: Well, I wanted to move!

MATT: Okay, then move.

TRAVIS: I'm moving! I would like to go (counting) 30 feet to face off with this guy.

MATT: All right. Well, that guy swings at you with his fist as you pull away. You rip the axe out of its grasp, and instead it takes one wide swing with its right fist.

LAURA: But you slice his fingers off when he does it!

MATT: He has advantage because you used reckless. That is a 24 to hit.

TRAVIS: I have a low AC. I don't wear clothes. I wear gauntlets and stuff. I wear skin. And tattoos.

MATT: That is 18 points of bludgeoning damage, reduced to nine. All right, that finish your turn, Grog? Vex, you're up. And you're on deck, Vax.

LAURA: Okay. I'm going to cast Hunter's Mark.

MATT: On?

LAURA: On the biggest one. This one.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: And then I'm going to shoot him. With sharpshooter!

MATT: Go for it!

LAURA: Wait, okay. Oh no. 19 minus five. 14.

MATT: 14 does not hit, unfortunately. As you mark it with your spell, you pull back the first arrow, and it hits, but it ends up exploding, the shards of wood scattering off of it, and your hear a slight (grunts).

LAURA: Yeah, you motherfucker. Okay. 16.

MATT: 16 misses, just barely. You go to shoot another arrow, this time out of frustration, as you pull back and let it loose, it actually backhands the arrow out of the air, scattering the shaft in the middle of the sky.

LAURA: Wait, I didn't say sharpshooter! I didn't say sharpshooter on that one, did I? I didn't clarify.

MATT: So without the minus five, what would it be?

LAURA: It would be 21.

MATT: Okay. You didn't say it.

LAURA: I should've said it, but I didn't say it.

MATT: That's okay, we'll let it go. Okay, so roll damage. Regular damage. So as it goes to backhand it out of the air, the arrow manages to sink in the center of its fist. It still causes a crack to widen across the various plates that keep its left arm together.

LAURA: 16 plus five lightning damage. And then, since he is next to Scanlan, I get sneak attack?

MATT: Correct.

LAURA: Ooh, 12. 15 sneak attack! And then Hunter's Mark, three.

MATT: All right. Fantastic. 39 damage in one hit. So the second one, as it hits, it causes this rift in the center of its large, battering ram-like arm to shift and crack and pieces of broken shale peel and fall off to the ground around it. Does that end your turn?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Do you want to move, or do you want to stay where you are?

LAURA: I'm going to stay where I am.

MATT: Vax, you're up.

LIAM: We've been in here under an hour. Probably not much time left, but under an hour, right? Since we arrived?

MATT: Pushing close to an hour.

LIAM: Okay. How high is the ceiling in this tunnel?

MATT: About 12 feet.

LIAM: 12 feet. I will float above everybody, in the space above their heads. We can fudge it. Probably between Percy and Pike, if we can manage it. And I'm going to dagger, dagger, dagger, with sharpshooter on all three, the one right below me next to Keyleth.

MATT: All righty.

LIAM: Okay. The first one is a 20.

MATT: All right, that hits.

LIAM: Okay. Second one is balls. And the third one is... 20.

MATT: 20 hits.

LIAM: And because assassin and they haven't gone yet-- oh, I have advantage because of assassin, so sneak attack. Also next to Keyleth. Multiple reasons for sneak attack, so that is 11, plus psychic damage is 15. (counting) 36 for the first one. And then the last one does a rinky-dink one.

MATT: One point of damage.

LIAM: Because off-hand attack doesn't get any--

MATT: There's no modifier, just whatever damage the weapon would deal.

LIAM: Yeah, just one.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: And I'll stay floating.

MATT: All right. So as you're flying there, your wings still--

LAURA: Don't you add six, though?

LIAM: No modifier. That's the modifier.

MATT: No dexterity modifier. It still gets weapon bonus, damage bonus on the weapon.

LIAM: That's calculated from dexterity. Oh, so two. And 20 more for the sharpshooter.

MATT: Ah, didn't add sharpshooter onto that. Keep that in mind. As you release the torrent of daggers down, one of them slams into the chest as another hits and skids off to the side and vanishes, and the third one actually strikes right where the first dagger was, driving it deeper in. Both of them seem to wedge and break the interior of its chest, and you watch as parts of its body are falling off in chunks. It's giving this horrible sucking sound, like it's barely holding itself together. (wheezes) But there it still stands. That ends your turn. Scanlan, you're up.

SAM: Okay, I will rotate around the guy with the red ring around him so that I'm between him and his friend.

MATT: Right there, you mean? Okay, you're right on the edge. There's a platform drop-off behind you.

SAM: (singing) I'm living on the edge!

(laughter)

MATT: As you rush over there, you're like (grunts). You watch as a couple rocks tumble off and clatter below. Ten-foot drop; not too bad.

SAM: Sure. Oh. I'll inspire Grog first. Because I'm about to hit you.

TRAVIS: Okay.

(laughter)

SAM: I will sing, (singing) Hey now! You're a Grog-star. Get your axe up and slay! Hey now! You're a Grog-star. Get your rage on and rage! All Laura's dice are gold. Now a d12 can be rolled.

TRAVIS: Pulled that shit out at the last minute.

MATT: It came back around. All right, so take your inspiration dice, definitely.

SAM: And then I'll do a 3rd-level Thunderwave.

MATT: Towards which one?

SAM: Both. It's 15 feet from me. Yeah, it's from me in a 15-foot cube.

MATT: A cube? Okay, so you can put yourself in the cube, then. Okay.

TALIESIN: You may not even hit Grog, necessarily.

TRAVIS: You'd better.

MATT: You can do it where it doesn't hit Grog. It just hits the other guy.

SAM: That'll be nice!

MATT: I'll let you do that. Out the sides of you. All right, so that's a constitution saving throw for both of them, right?

SAM: Yeah, sure. Oh shit. Yeah.

MATT: Second one does save. First one does not. Rolled a natural 20 on its saving throw. The first one rolled a five.

SAM: What did the second one roll?

MATT: Natural 20.

SAM: Oh fuck. Okay, that does. They both take 4d8 damage, and the one who didn't make his save gets pushed away, but he's right up against the wall.

MATT: So it doesn't do anything. However, it does thunder damage, which they are vulnerable to, so they take double damage from this.

SAM: Double damage?!

MATT: You watch as the blast of thunder energy slams outward. Both of them, you watch as their bodies are thrown into the rock behind them.

SAM: Terrible! 12 points.

TALIESIN: That was subpar.

MATT: That's okay. Both of them get hit and thrown back, slam into the wall, and you watch as their body is unable to earthglide based on the force of the impact, so it actually causes part of their body to crack intrinsically. And they both fall back to the ground, and their feet sink into the stone about an inch or two. And they reposition their stance. All right. Anything else you want to do?

SAM: Oh shit, if I move away, he's going to take a swing at me, isn't he? But that would be wise.

MATT: Your call.

SAM: No, I'll shelter in place.

MATT: Okay. Now it's their turn.

TRAVIS: They're going to come out asking for help, because they've been--

MARISHA: We've been stuck in his digestive tract!

TRAVIS: And we're slaughtering them! We weren't going to even say anything or do anything to you guys!

MATT: First off, I need Keyleth, Vex, and Percival to make a dexterity saving throw, please.

LAURA: Natural 20!

MATT: Nice.

MARISHA: That was so close to being a natural 20!

TALIESIN: Not natural 20, but a 20 nonetheless.

MATT: Okay. What did you get?

MARISHA: 12.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: What, you're sucked in the ground? No!

LAURA: The ground raised up?

MARISHA: Did they turn us to stone? What did they do?

MATT: No. Keyleth, you all of a sudden watch as the one behind you that is barely holding on angrily goes (impact) slams its fist into the ground. And from the sudden vibration, the earth seems to rise up from underneath and attempt to swallow you. Vex and Percival, you both grab each other's hands and leap into the air, and it passes under your feet. However, Keyleth is not fast enough and gets swallowed as it closes up (crash) around her, and now there's a giant pile of earth and rock where Keyleth is buried within and restrained. You both manage to move out of the way.

LIAM: Yeah. Vax sees that and is not worried.

(laughter)

LAURA: She's fine.

MATT: These guys are going to move up there. And this guy's going to move up here. This guy's going to attempt to pummel the shit out of Scanlan. He's going to make two slam attacks against you. That is a 20 and a 21.

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: You take 16 points of bludgeoning damage and 17 points of bludgeoning damage. And you watch as it slips into the wall and vanishes. You can make an attack of opportunity against it. However, I am giving it three-quarters cover, as it pulls just out of melee range and is mostly in the wall, so it gets plus five to armor class.

SAM: I will swing my sword at it with advantage, because I just inspired someone, and Mythcarver has that feature. The first one was better. 17 plus ten!

MATT: That actually hits! Go ahead and roll damage.

TRAVIS: Mythcarver gets you some action once every two years.

SAM: I actually don't know. It says it's a plus-three longsword. Does that mean it's 1d8 plus three?

MATT: 1d8 plus three plus your strength modifier.

SAM: So it's 1d8 plus four. And then I rolled a one, so that's five. But it also says, somewhere in here, deals an additional 1d6 force damage! Oh yeah! One.

MATT: Hey, six free points of damage! It disappears somewhere inside the wall. You're not entirely sure where. Two attacks on you, Percival. That is a 28 and a 19.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

SAM: Both?

MATT: 16 points of bludgeoning damage.

TALIESIN: 16?

MATT: Yep. And 15 points of bludgeoning damage.

SAM: Shit! On a retreating enemy, I get to cast a spell.

MATT: War caster. Well, next time. That's against you and against Vex. That is a 22?

LAURA: Oh wait, that's Pike. Hold on. Yes, it hits me.

MATT: And 21.

LAURA: My armor class is 21.

MATT: So it still hits you, all right. You take 14 points of bludgeoning damage, and another 14 points of bludgeoning damage. And then both of these guys--

TALIESIN: Do we get an attack of opportunity?

MATT: You do. With the plus five to AC as this guy sinks into the ground.

LAURA: Can we shoot him with the arrows as he sinks into the ground?

MATT: No, that's a melee attack.

TALIESIN: So I'm going to take a swing.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: That hits. Actually, I crit only with my guns on a 19, right? I don't crit with my sword?

MATT: I'm pretty sure you crit on a 19 or 20 regardless, but the hemorrhaging shot element doesn't happen.

TALIESIN: The hemorrhaging shot obviously doesn't happen even though it's a natural-- That's fine.

TALIESIN: I crit, so that's a ridiculous thing to hit. 32 to hit.

MATT: Yeah, that hits.

TALIESIN: So that's a 1d8.

TRAVIS: You never know, that guy could be concrete.

TALIESIN: Two plus seven, and it's silvered, if that matters. That's 16 points of piercing damage.

MATT: All right, cool. So you strike out as it disappears into the wall and vanishes. This guy here shifts into the wall as well.

LIAM: He vanished?

MATT: Well, he (sucking sound) into the wall.

LAURA: They're all vanishing!

TRAVIS: Well, not this guy, they're still walking.

MATT: And the guy who's right there is going to take two strikes at you, Grog.

TRAVIS: Oh, bring it. They both hit. They're reckless.

MATT: Yep. Yep. And the other attack-- Yep, both hit. So that's 16 points of bludgeoning damage, reduced to eight. And 12 points of bludgeoning damage, reduced to six.

TRAVIS: Six. Can I take my retaliation strike against him?

MATT: You can.

TRAVIS: Lovely. Reckless, Great Weapon Master. Come on. Natural 20!

MATT: Oh, that's going to suck!

LAURA: Squish him! Make a building out of him! I don't know.

TRAVIS: Oh! I reroll ones and twos! Great. 11, that's better.

TALIESIN: You get all sorts of bonuses to that crit.

TRAVIS: 36, 42--

LAURA: Now I've got David Bowie in my head.

TRAVIS: 48.

MATT: 48 points of damage.

TRAVIS: Oh, necrotic. 52.

TALIESIN: Is that doubled? And you doubled everything into your extra crit--

TRAVIS: I've been practicing.

MATT: As it slams with both fists into you, with one giant (whoosh) over the head as it impacts you, you grab with one hand the back of its fist and grin, and then bring the axe straight up into its torso with one hand. It strikes and splits open part of its rock chest and you hear this (guttural wheeze) which it reforms again. But still, it's taken the brunt of the impact, and it's now going to shift into the wall, which you can't attack because you already used your reaction. That ends their turn. Keyleth, you're up. You're currently buried. You're blinded.

MARISHA: Okay. I'm going to concentrate for a second, and then go earth elemental. (resounding thud) And now that I'm earth elemental, I have tremor sense. Can I sense where these other motherfuckers are?

MATT: You can feel where they are, yeah. You can sense them moving through the ground.

SAM: Oh shit. Everybody dies.

MARISHA: But, I want to be underground. I'm there, but I'm still underground right now.

MATT: Right. I'm marking your place.

MARISHA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: (singing) Underground!

MARISHA: (singing) Put on your earthglide shoes and dance! (normal voice) Okay, I want to go right in the center of as many of them as I can hit and take a cue from Scanlan and do a Thunderwave underground.

MATT: As your earth elemental? Because you have--

MARISHA: Because I can cast in Wild Shape now.

SAM: He's going to the phone. He's checking his texts.

TRAVIS: So if they're healing when we hit them, do we think they're healing when they go back into the wall?

TALIESIN: Probably.

MATT: Let me see here real fast. What are the components of Thunderwave?

SAM: I will look for you!

MATT: Thunderwave is verbal and somatic. Right?

SAM: V, S!

MATT: Correct.

TRAVIS: Dude, that is a badass.

MATT: Just making sure, because there is a slight limitation to druid spellcasting in beast form. You're probably still good. Let me see.

MARISHA: Not using any materials, you mean?

LAURA: He got bigger?

MARISHA: No, that's me. That's me, baby, that's me.

LIAM: Should've seen the green.

MATT: Yeah, verbal and somatic, so you can do that.

TALIESIN: Yeah!

MARISHA: I'm going to do it 3rd-level, too.

MATT: 15-foot cube, the most guys you can hit would probably be these two here, clustered together. Otherwise, everyone else is just a one hit. They're too far spread out.

MARISHA: It's a 15-foot radius from you.

MATT: It's a 15-foot cube originating from you. Meaning it's not a radial thing.

MARISHA: Oh, like a (explosion noise). Oh, cool! Got it. Then, I'll take those two dudes.

LIAM: So that's why Vax's feathers were prickling the other time.

MATT: So you shift through over here, beneath the ground.

LAURA: That's so cool.

MARISHA: (thudding noises) Underground!

LAURA: Look how much bigger she is than those fucks!

MARISHA: That's not a great roll, but it'll do.

SAM: Do you get to reroll ones?

MARISHA: Ones and twos.

MATT: That's a 13 and a 17. So neither of them make their save.

MARISHA: So that is 16 times two, so 32 damage to both of them.

MATT: 32 points of damage to both of them.

SAM: Did they make saves?

MARISHA: No.

SAM: So they get pushed as well.

MARISHA: And they also get pushed ten feet. Yeah.

MATT: Well, they'd get pushed if they weren't in the middle of the rock. They glide on their own. They stay put.

MARISHA: Sure.

MATT: All right. So as you (whoosh) outward, you send the shockwave, and you guys hear this loud, thunderous (explosive thrum) beneath the ground. And you watch as rock and dirt is thrown from this wall. Poor Trinket is spattered with rock and dirt and spins around (bear growling).

LAURA: Aw, buddy! You're okay!

MATT: That wall is not looking very sturdy right now. The Thunderwave has structurally damaged this whole portion of the cavern right now.

TRAVIS: Thanks, Keyleth.

MARISHA: This whole thing was coming apart!

MATT: That ends Keyleth's turn. Pike's up.

LIAM: What about between Grog and Scanlan? That way if one of them comes up by either of them, she's there.

MARISHA: Get Trinket away from that wall.

LAURA: Well, I would, if it was Trinket's turn. Pike's going to run down and stand between Scanlan and Grog.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: “Oh, Grog!”

LIAM: Punch the mace and light that shit up.

LAURA: Yeah.

LIAM: Blow hair out of her face.

MATT: Yeah, so she makes this beacon of light.

LAURA: And then she's going to hold her action until a thing appears.

MATT: What is she holding?

LAURA: Attacking.

MATT: A physical attack? So as soon as one appears, she's going to go ahead and swing. Okay, good. So she's holding that. That ends Pike's turn. Top of the round: Percival, you're up.

TALIESIN: I'm going to--

SAM: (whispers) No bonus action?

TALIESIN: What? Well, I'm going to use my bonus action. Since there's nothing to attack at the moment, I'm going to move slightly to the other end of that little precipice that I'm on, over where Keyleth disappeared.

MATT: Oh, over this side?

TALIESIN: Yeah, get away from things. I'm going to use my bonus action to do a heal.

MATT: You guys traveled this way, and this is where you saw the right and left split.

LAURA: Oh, right.

TALIESIN: That was embarrassing. So, that's 11 points of damage. That's great. And then I'm going to hold my attack until something approaches.

MATT: Okay. So, you get your weapon ready. You're holding it for any sort of movement out of a wall. Got it.

TALIESIN: Yeah. Gun in one hand, sword in the other.

MATT: All right, got it. Grog, you're up.

SAM: Why don't we just leave? There's no one here.

TRAVIS: I know, that's what I'm doing. So there's no enemies in sight?

MATT: Currently, no.

TRAVIS: Ah! Can I run as far as I can this way?

MATT: Yep.

TRAVIS: Is that like five, ten, 15, 20--

MATT: 50 is what you can get, right there.

TRAVIS: I'll take it.

MATT: All right, so that's your movement.

TRAVIS: Yep. I'm going to hold my attack until something stupid shows me its face.

MATT: Okay, good to know. That ends your turn. Vex.

LAURA: Okay. I'm going to call Trinket away from the wall, so he's going to run down next to Grog.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: And then I'm going to kick off and get on my broom, so I'm off the ground.

MATT: Okay, so you get up, and you're now lifted up into the air a bit.

MARISHA: You're still blind?

TALIESIN: No, I can see. We've got two light sources now.

MARISHA: Okay.

TRAVIS: (singing) I believe I can--

MATT: You believe you can what?

TRAVIS: Fly?

LIAM: (singing) Fucking die.

TRAVIS: (singing) I believe I can touch-- (speaking) What does he touch?

SAM: The sky?

TRAVIS: The sky. (singing) I think about it every--

MATT: Don't hurt yourself.

TRAVIS: I'm never singing in character.

LAURA: Don't speak!

TRAVIS: (singing) I know just what you're saying!

LAURA: How high is the ceiling in here?

LIAM: About 20 feet.

MATT: You are right up against this ceiling. It's about 12 to 15 feet.

LAURA: Yeah, I'm going to want to hover right in the middle. I don't want to be high up. I want to be right between the ceiling and the floor.

MATT: Okay. So you're about a head's height up.

LAURA: Yeah. (Southern accent) And I'm going to hold my action until I can see one of those things.

MATT: Arrow's notched, ready to fire?

LAURA: Uh-huh.

MATT: Okay. That brings us to Vax.

LIAM: Can I move about ten feet closer to Scanlan, and do the classic Van Damme movement and stand between stalactites in the ceiling and hide with my bonus action.

MATT: Right here?

LIAM: Yeah, and hide in the ceiling.

MARISHA: What?

TRAVIS: You going to Time Cop that shit?

MARISHA: That's awesome!

SAM: Are you doing the splits, right now, are your legs--?

LIAM: Nah, I'm just using my feet for that. No, my hands are occupied. With my feet, yeah.

MATT: Make a stealth check.

LIAM: Stealth check. Yeah, baby.

TALIESIN: Make a splits check.

LIAM: Ten. Do I still have sneaky sneak from you?

LAURA: Pass Without a Trace is still-- Oh, no. No, I Hunter's Marked.

LIAM: That's fine. Pike, get out of the way!

TRAVIS: Don't you talk to her like that!

LIAM: 27. And I'll hold my attack action.

MATT: Okay. Scanlan.

SAM: We're all holding our shit?

LAURA: The minute something shows, we're all going to be like, boom! But, nothing's going to show.

SAM: Nothing's going to show? Which way were we going when all this shit happened?

MATT: You were traveling this way, and this was the split in the path ahead.

TALIESIN: So we're heading left?

SAM: Should we be trying to get out of here?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Let's get out of here. We don't need this.

TRAVIS: By the way, we're supposed to go to the left.

LAURA: Thanks, Grog.

LIAM: Oh, yeah. That's right.

TALIESIN: I would've made a run if I had been thinking about it.

TRAVIS: What's right? The left?

LIAM: Right.

SAM: I will go 25 feet the same direction Grog went in, because that's all I can run.

MATT: 25. That will get you up here next to Percival.

LAURA: Oh no!

LIAM: He's dead! Right before the end of the story!

TRAVIS: Five points of bludgeoning damage.

TALIESIN: (whispering) Stop it!

LIAM: Sorry, Perce.

SAM: I'm sorry, Matt, I'm sorry. I'm going to go in the opposite direction. I don't want to be in this fucking cluster. It's a mess up there. I'm going the opposite direction.

LAURA: Down there? Why does it matter that we're clustered?

SAM: I don't care! I'm getting away from you fuckers. And I'm turning invisible.

(laughter)

LIAM: They come out: Where did they go?

TALIESIN: The question is, did you turn invisible, then run?

LAURA: Yeah, they can still sense you!

SAM: Oh shit! I don't know these things!

LAURA: And then we won't know that you didn't get sucked under!

TRAVIS: And if you attack, your Invisibility drops.

LAURA: Oh, shut up, that's so cool!

TRAVIS: You've got an invisible woman mini!

LIAM: That is my daughter's miniature.

TRAVIS: That is rad.

SAM: And as a bonus action, I will Healing Word myself.

MATT: You'd have to do Healing Word first.

SAM: Huh? Oh, first, because--

MATT: Because if you cast a spell, you lose Invisibility.

SAM: So I would do it first.

MATT: Yeah, you can do that. All right, that ends Scanlan's turn. All right.

LIAM: Oh. Shit.

SAM: Seven more forms show up.

MATT: First off, let's see--

TRAVIS: Deuces wild.

LIAM: Light them up!

MATT: This one is going to emerge from under the ground--

MARISHA: Do I get an attack of opportunity?

MATT: Hold on. You do not. What is the range on your fists?

LIAM: 50 feet.

LAURA: Ten feet.

MATT: If it's a ten foot range on the elemental, then you would, but--

MARISHA: It doesn't say! How do you know?

MATT: Under the slam attack, it should say range: five foot? Melee attack?

MARISHA: No.

MATT: What does it say?

MARISHA: No, no, it doesn't. No.

MATT: Okay, then.

MARISHA: I just don't, okay. No! Range: ten feet! It does say range: ten feet.

MATT: That's what I was asking for.

MARISHA: I didn't know!

MATT: You can use your reaction to get an attack of opportunity on it. As he glides away from you and underneath, you get one swing at him. He gets a plus five to his AC. Actually no, he wouldn't, because you have earthglide.

MARISHA: 21.

MATT: 21 hits. Go ahead and roll damage with the fist. So you slam him within the stonework.

TALIESIN: I love that you're actually being a badass where no one can see.

MARISHA: 15.

MATT: 15 points of damage, all right. As you slam it, your fists gliding through the rock like it was air, and slamming into the side, pushing it even further forward, it swoops underneath. And with a giant uppercut as it emerges from the ground, the earth swings up to try and consume both Grog and Trinket. I need you both to make a dexterity saving throw, Trinket and Grog.

LAURA: Oh no!

TRAVIS: Oh shit. Danger sense!

LAURA: Oh no, he rolled a one! Oh no, this was a fan gift.

TRAVIS: 15.

MATT: Both of you, your vision goes dark as the earth rises up to consume the space around you. Both Grog and Trinket are currently restrained and blinded within the earth.

LAURA: Oh no! Is Trinket right next to Grog, at least?

MATT: Yeah, they're within a close area.

SAM: Grog, you're inspired.

TRAVIS: Oh! It's too late for that.

MATT: I would say so, the action's already happened. If you want to, you can. It's what it's there for.

LIAM: We have a nice DM.

TRAVIS: 18.

MATT: 18. All right, you barely manage to avoid--

LAURA: Oh, now Trinket's all alone!

TRAVIS: You are most gracious.

MATT: So as the rock comes up to consume you, it covers over both of you. And there's a brief moment of silence before Grog bursts out and steps up onto the stone, unaffected by the impact. And that's its full speed, so it can't earthglide again. This one here is going to scoot and appear right around the edge on that side.

LIAM: That's in range for me?

MATT: It is, yes.

LAURA: And me?

MATT: Roll a perception check.

LAURA: Yeah, that's a thing.

LIAM: 24.

MATT: That hits. And you do manage to--

LAURA: 26!

MATT: You do see it, so you can, if you want.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Yeah, sorry, I got a notification on my iPad that went like, "no music."

LIAM: Am I effectively sneak attacking the fool?

MATT: No.

LIAM: No. All right.

MATT: The tremor sense-- As you put your feet against the stalactites, it seems to know where you are.

LIAM: Cool. Sharpshooter for both.

LAURA: The first one definitely hits. The second one is 18.

MATT: That hits.

LAURA: Awesome!

LIAM: 28 and 26 for me.

LAURA: Are you fucking kidding me? He's not Hunter's Marked.

LIAM: 38 combined, for my two. My paladin attacks.

LAURA: 27, combined.

MATT: Damage?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay. As it emerges from behind, you watch as it brings back both of its fists to attempt to slam into the ground where Scanlan is currently standing.

SAM: He can't see me. Don't worry.

(laughter)

MATT: Yeah. His heavy footfalls still touching and moving the earth in the vicinity, his tremor sense still notifying him of your base location. As he goes to swing both of his fists--

SAM: I'm mocking him.

MATT: A flurry of daggers and arrows go flying through the air (whoosh) slamming into it before its fist can come down. Its chest is detonated from the impact, the rock and shale scattering against the sides of the wall, its form destroyed and scattered.

MARISHA: Kill it!

LIAM: That's a pretty fucking killer twin moment, right there.

TRAVIS: I've got to ask, when the creepy rock guy popped up near me, is he within my held action?

MATT: Unfortunately, no. He's about ten feet from you. You've hit in the space, but the bear was closer to him.

TRAVIS: Fair enough. I just stare at him.

MATT: Yes, you do.

MATT: This fellow here emerges right behind Percival, right there. And is going to attempt to make two swing attacks at you.

TALIESIN: I make two attacks on him before anything happens, anyway.

MATT: Mmhm. Go for it.

TRAVIS: He's a little drunk. He's got that Soulja lean going on.

MATT: Is this with your gun?

TALIESIN: No, this is sword.

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Too close. I knew they would jump, so. That's 22 and 24.

LAURA: I need more coffee.

LIAM: You're at your most dashing when you use your sword.

TALIESIN: Yes, you know. That's 26 points of damage. Oh, wait! I get three attacks, don't I, that's right?

MATT: Yeah! Because you're on fire, dude!

TALIESIN: That's right. 26 points of damage plus-- Oh yeah, that definitely hits. Plus eight more points of damage.

MATT: All right. So as it emerges from the wall, coming toward you. You do this triple strike against it. And it manages to carve across part of its chest, but its momentum is still strong, and both fists come to the side to hit you and rattle you from both sides. That is a 16?

TALIESIN: Nope!

MATT: Misses! And a 24.

TALIESIN: And that hits.

MATT: So you manage to deflect one blow, the other one clocks you on the side of the head. That is 11 points of bludgeoning damage.

TALIESIN: Yeah, okay. There's all the healing I just did. It's all gone.

MATT: All right. And now this fellow here is going to swoop over and slam the ground near Pike.

LAURA: Oh, good! She can attack him!

MATT: The range on this is a ten by ten-foot cube, so he's going to do it before he gets in melee range of her, she's right there. So as it glides toward her, it slams the ground, and the earth is going to attempt to consume her. She needs to make a dexterity saving throw.

LAURA: I want to do it.

LIAM: Okay, you do it.

LAURA: I should not have claimed this.

TRAVIS: With that dice?

LAURA: Oh. We don't add anything to it.

LIAM: That is a big seven.

MATT: And with that, the ground consumes Pike, who is now buried, blinded, and restrained within.

LAURA: She was saving her action, though!

MATT: And with the rest of its movement, it's going to sink into the ground. We'll say-- (counting) Yeah, it'll sink into the ground. Just out of range. I'll put it here, just to mention where it is, but consider it's not prone, it's underground.

LIAM: It means he gave it rum tongue.

MATT: You're going to die tonight.

LIAM and TRAVIS: (laugh)

TRAVIS: With such dedication!

MATT: This one here is going to swing back around--

TALIESIN: Attack of opportunity!

MATT: She already took one. One reaction. This one bursts of the ground to leap towards you. As it emerges, it looks up and sees you just within its range, it does have a bit of a reach. And it leaps to go ahead and make two swings at you. Natural one. You manage to pull back with the broom and it swings wide and lands on the ground, and it's going to attempt to go with another uppercut in your direction. That is a 15.

LAURA: It doesn't hit. I put my foot on its fist and--

MATT: (laughs) Ding! No effect on that. And that's that guy's turn, that's his full move. All right, so that brings us to Keyleth.

MARISHA: Okay. Do I see Trinket underground?

MATT: You can sense Trinket is currently buried.

LAURA: Oh my god, thank you so much!

MARISHA: Jesus, that scared the shit out of me.

SAM: You said "I want coffee," and you got coffee?

LAURA: I know! But, I didn't think anybody was going to do it, really!

MATT: I want a pony!

SAM: I want ice cream!

TALIESIN: Fly into the air!

TRAVIS: I want that PowerBall winnings.

MATT: If anyone could do it, Ryan Green could. All righty. So, Keyleth, you can sense Trinket is buried over there, and Pike.

MARISHA: Do I go for the bear, or do I go for the gnome?

LAURA: Go for the gnome!

MARISHA: Okay, can I get to Pike in 50 feet?

MATT: What's your movement?

MARISHA: 50.

MATT: 50 feet glide? You can.

MARISHA: Okay. Can I very gently grab the gnome, and then siege monster bust us out?

MATT: Okay, make a strength check. I'll give you advantage because you are a siege monster.

TRAVIS: Because you're a siege monster!

MARISHA: I'm a siege monster!

LIAM: Is it like reaching into a sack for you, even though it's the earth?

MARISHA: It's like air, he said. I will take that 17, that is much better. For a 22.

MATT: With no issue, you punch through the massive rock and earth right there, and you emerge out of it like a shoryuken, clutching Pike in your left arm as you land back on your elemental feet in that space, bringing both of you--

MARISHA: (excited earth elemental grunting)

TRAVIS: (answering grunts) It sounds like a concrete mixer.

MATT: All righty. I believe that ends your turn?

MARISHA: I can't do anything else, probably.

MATT: Pike can, because it's her turn.

MARISHA: But Pike can! So holding little Pike like a voodoo doll, like a flashlight.

MATT: Do things!

LAURA: That means she can still attack?

MATT: She can, yeah.

LAURA: She can't see anything, though.

MATT: No, she can, now. Keyleth just pulled her out of the rubble and is holding her in front.

LAURA: No, I mean, there's nothing to attack in front of her.

LIAM: What's this thing on the ground?

LAURA: He's underground, still.

TALIESIN: So there's two above ground, but they're behind her.

MARISHA: But I'm holding Pike! Can she see?

LIAM: Can you throw her?

LAURA: We're holding a physical action, so she has to be next to something in order to attack it.

MARISHA: Oh.

TRAVIS: That's why mine didn't happen, either.

MATT: Yeah, she can do whatever she wants.

LIAM: And it would be an action to chuck her, though, right?

MATT: Yeah, she already pulled her free with her action, so--

LAURA: Did you use all your movement?

MATT: She did.

MARISHA: To get there.

MATT: Well, actually, you had ten more feet, if you wanted to.

LAURA: Can you get within ten feet of something? Five feet of something.

MATT: No, unfortunately, no.

LIAM: I mean, we could drop her where the thing disappeared. It's still a crapshoot, but it's better than nothing. “Drop me on the ground, Keyleth!”

LAURA: “I want to be able to hit it if it comes up!”

MARISHA: (agreeing elemental grunts) (heavy thud)

MATT: Sets the gnome down on the ground. That ends Keyleth's turn. Now it's Pike's go.

LIAM: Okay, she is going to still just hold her turn--

LAURA: Oh man! Should she do a cantrip? She should do a Resistance or something?

LIAM: She could do it on herself, just in case. Yeah, cast Resistance on herself in case--

LAURA: But that's an action, it's not a bonus.

LIAM: Instead, she's going to look at the ground and go, “Monstah!” And hold her mace.

MATT: So she's holding her action to attack, perfect. Percival, you're up. Top of the round.

TALIESIN: I'm going to pull out the gun and take three shots at that thing that's swinging at Vex.

MATT: Okay, go for it.

TALIESIN: Yeah! Oof, that's close. That's a 19?

MATT: 19 hits.

TALIESIN: Then the rest of them hit, too. It's like 21 and 20, so let's get some d10s out.

MARISHA: Do you need some more?

TALIESIN: No, I got enough. Some d10s and some d6s. So here we go. (counting) That's 12 points of psychic damage.

TRAVIS: (makes weird noise)

TALIESIN: I don't know what that was.

LIAM: There is weird energy at this table!

MATT: Okay, the first shot? As you reach over and fire at that one, you hit it, and you watch as it scatters into stones across the far--

TALIESIN: I'll put the first shot at that, and then shift the next two to the other one.

MATT: Yep. They have the same AC.

TALIESIN: Okay, so that's seven points of psychic damage, and 36 points of normal damage!

MATT: To that one?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: Okay, as the second one does blast a large chunk out of its torso and side, it still stands there with its angered arms open ready to swing at whatever comes at it.

TALIESIN: Okay, I'm good!

MATT: All right, that ends Percival's turn. Grog, you're up.

TRAVIS: (grunts) Can I run over to the thing--

MATT: You're standing above Trinket now.

TRAVIS: It's just a pound of earth, right? I don't hear anything, or see any fur or claws?

MATT: No, not in a rage, you don't.

TRAVIS: Fuck that shit! I reckless, Great Weapon Master attack old Boney Face! Oh, that's terrible. That's better! Thank god for reckless! Sorry, 30 minus five, 25!

MATT: That hits.

TRAVIS: Yes! 33, plus the necrotic damage.

LAURA: I'm going to help. I'm right there.

SAM: Is there a guy next to you?

LAURA: That's what I'm going to be aiming at, darling.

TRAVIS: Second attack. 26.

MATT: That hits.

TRAVIS: 28. No, 38!

MATT: 38. Okay! As you stand over Trinket, the first hit cleaves into the center of its chest, and wedges itself there, and you see the rocks forming over the axe, almost trying to pull it into its body to pull it from your grip. And as you do, instead you reach down and put your foot onto its chest and yank it outward. And as you do, as most of it began to form over the axe, it bisects it in two and it crumples into a pile of dirt on the ground.

(cheering)

MATT: So you still have 45 feet of movement.

TRAVIS: Should I run down this tunnel and see what's down here?

MARISHA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Yeah?

LIAM: No! No!

LAURA: He's raging! He doesn't have logic!

TRAVIS: Can I see him from wherever I am? This enemy?

MATT: Yeah, I'd say you can. He's emerged. You can see the movement.

TRAVIS: I'll run up and join Percy.

MATT: Okay. So you charge up beside, leap onto this platform of soft earth and rock, and it's right there next to you.

TRAVIS: Nice.

MATT: All right that ends your turn. Vex.

LAURA: Okay, I'm going to move my Hunter's Mark over to that dude (radar sounds) and then I'm going to attack him with sharpshooter!

LIAM: (laughs) Didgeridoos?

TRAVIS and TALIESIN: Yep.

SAM: Your Hunter's Mark sounds like Didgeridoos. Or rain sticks.

LAURA: So I'm at 20?

MATT: 20 hits, yeah.

LAURA: Okay. This is so weird!

TALIESIN: This is super serious, you guys.

LAURA: Four lightning damage.

SAM: Don't worry, you'll be sleeping a lot at Burning Man.

LAURA: 28 for the first arrow. Plus the four lightning damage.

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: And then the second attack is also sharpshooter, and that one hits.

MATT: Okay. Even with the minus five?

LAURA: Yes. Definitely.

LIAM: Sam, when everyone leaves, all their stress will enter you and I.

TALIESIN: I'm very excited about that.

LAURA: Six lightning damage.

MARISHA: Like a lich. A phylactery.

LAURA: 19! Oh! And I didn't add plus 20 to both of those! Plus 20 overall because of the sharpshooter.

MATT: All right. So with that, as you see it crawling towards Percival, trying to grow and leap at it, and Grog leaps up in its way, there's a very little space where you can actually see its movement. And as you watch Grog pull back with the axe to almost go for a secondary strike, that brief opening, you see you have both arrows notched and releasing both at the same time and as it does it sinks into both of the sockets where the dark void of its eyes were. And it goes (creaking, crashing) and then falls into scattered pieces of rock.

LAURA: You're welcome!

TALIESIN: Oh, very nice.

MATT: All right. Do you want to move, or stay where you are?

LAURA: I'm going to stay.

MATT: All right. Vax, you're up.

LAURA: Wait! What about Trinket? Can he try to save against it?

MATT: I'll say I'll give you an action for Trinket instead of an attack to attempt to break free. Make a strength check. Strength saving throw.

LAURA: I don't know what the difference for a saving throw for Trinket would be.

MATT: Strength modifier.

LAURA: 15.

MATT: 15? Unfortunately, cannot break free. It's not strong enough.

LAURA: Can I hear him? Does he make noise?

MATT: You listen, and you hear the shifting of rock. That's it.

LAURA: I don't even know it's Trinket, do I?

MATT: Yeah, you don't.

LAURA: I aim my bow at it.

MATT: Okay. Vax, what are you doing?

LIAM: I'm going to fly over and land on Keyleth's shoulder and hold my attack for as soon as the fucknut appears.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Perch. Dagon.

MATT: Like your own personal raven. All right, ending Vax's turn. Scanlan, you're up.

SAM: I will use my insane climbing speed of ten?

(laughter)

SAM: To climb up that tree-like stalagmite.

MATT: This technically is a root, and you climb up into it.

SAM: I will hold my attack until I see something come out of somewhere.

MATT: Okay, so your weapon's at the ready?

SAM: My Wand of Magic Missiles.

MATT: Okay. Great. All right, so that ends Scanlan's turn. At this point, shifting beneath the ground and emerging right there behind Pike--

LAURA: She's attacking it.

TRAVIS: It gets to act first.

LAURA: Does it? No, she gets to act first. Yeah! So that's 24 to attack.

MATT: 24 to attack? That hits.

LIAM: And she'll use divine whatsit. Divine Strike.

LAURA: She always gets that now.

LIAM: Once a round.

LAURA: That's 2d6 plus four radiant damage, so ten, 14.

LIAM: Plus 2d8.

TRAVIS: I thought that went in the coffee.

LAURA: Should that count?

SAM: You didn't intentionally roll it.

LIAM: Do it again.

LAURA: It's not as good as the unintentional, but that's okay. 19.

MATT: 19?

LAURA: Yeah. Does she just attack the once?

LIAM: Yeah, and if it's still standing, dagger, dagger, dagger.

MATT: Hold on. Let me check one thing real fast. The war cleric... Actually, yeah, because it's a bonus action to do that. Against that one? How does Pike want to do this?

(cheering)

TRAVIS: Pikey!

LAURA: She goes, "Grog, watch this!"

TRAVIS: I can't see anything because a person's in the way.

LAURA: You can see; you're big.

LIAM: She does an underswing right up between its legs and hits it in the goolies.

MATT: As she does, the glowing mace scatters upward, breaking layer after layer of rock and earth. Its upper torso explodes into the ceiling, a shower of small pebbles and errant pieces of earth are smeared across the wall and scatter to the ground.

TRAVIS: Untamed monster!

LIAM: She gives it three or four more hits on the ground out of frustration.

LAURA: Yeah, because she got trapped.

LIAM: Yep.

MARISHA: I go rescue the bear.

LAURA: Be careful! I think there's another elemental right there.

MARISHA: Are there any more?

LAURA: I think Trinket's an elemental.

MATT: As you guys all make your way over to the pile, as it's shifting and moving, you all prepare your weaponry for what might emerge. Make a perception check, Vex.

LAURA: Oh no, don't you make me attack my own bear. Oh no. 17?

MATT: That's plenty. The moment you see some of the movement push through, a claw begins to emerge from it and your arrow pulls back, ready to release, but the moment it's there, you immediately wonder how you could have made that mistake.

LAURA: Trinket! I run.

MATT: All of you rush over and begin to help Trinket free.

LIAM: I place my hand on Scanlan's shoulder and say: I'm sorry. I know this is hard for you. The bear lives.

SAM: And I say from the top of the tree, I don't know who you're touching, but I'm up on top of a tree.

LIAM: I'm flying!

SAM: I'm invisible.

(laughter)

LIAM: There's a lot of rules in this game. Staying on theme for the night.

SAM: Yes, I know. It lives, for now. I was holding my action; I could blast the bear with my wand. She wouldn't even know where I was coming from.

LAURA: I would see you the minute you attacked.

SAM: (whispering) Oh, she's right.

(laughter)

MATT: So this battle has transpired in the length of one stride of the Titan, as the other footfall lands, (thumping) one portion of the wall begins to shake and fall in and this side of the tunnel begins to collapse.

LAURA: Oh, we got to take off, we got to start moving.

MARISHA: Keyleth blocks as much as she can and goes (earth elemental speaking).

LAURA: Run. I think she's saying run.

MATT: So as you guys dart down and head left into the hallway, your earth elemental form allows you with quite a bit of strength to force it and prevent it from causing the entire tunnel to collapse. Just half of it does, and holding that in space you all begin to charge down the left side of the tunnel.

LAURA: As we're running I cast Pass Without A Trace again. Should I?

LIAM: Sure, sure.

LIAM: And I pat your big stony face and give it a kiss and fly down the hall.

LAURA: Okay, never mind, I don't cast it.

MATT: Okay. As you guys continue down the left path for about 50 or so feet, it curves rapidly to the left and stops at a cylindrical chamber. It's still a cavernous space, but it has a cylindrical shape to it. About 40 feet in diameter, about 50 feet tall at its apex, and in the center of it, you see a partially collapsed dark stone pavilion or small temple.

LIAM: At the bottom in the middle?

MATT: Well, you guys turn and it's in the center of this chamber that rises up before you in the center of this small, egg-shaped opening, the space. And you see this made of a deep, dark, grayish, almost black stone structure that looks beautifully made. The craftwork is distinctly dwarven.

LAURA: Is it old?

MATT: You can go make an investigation check on it if you'd like.

LIAM: I'm going to do Divine Sense again.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: For undead.

TRAVIS: They're everywhere.

MATT: You do sense--

LIAM: Specifically a location.

MATT: --specifically within the heart of this structure.

LAURA: Is this--? No, this is not mountain.

TRAVIS: (laughs) No!

LAURA: This is titan.

TRAVIS: (Laura voice) Is this favored terrain?

MATT: This would be considered subterranean. It would be like an underground.

LAURA: Okay, so not Underdark?

MATT: Not Underdark, no. The structure; however, is somewhat damaged from a collapse on one side of the wall. You watch as part of the chamber on the right side has come loose and this rockslide has jammed into the side of the structure. And looking past the craggy piles of loose rock, you can see shattered glass across the ground, and part of the rock as the rockslide has pushed into one of these glass panels that marks the exterior of the small, gazebo-like temple structure. It seems to have filled, from what you can see at least at this distance, a portion of the interior as well. There is a double door in the front that is currently closed and the right side of the door is buried partially by the remainder of this rockslide that has come to a halt at the base of the structure.

LAURA: Do we know what gods dwarves worshipped? Do they have specific gods?

MATT: Make a religion check.

LIAM: These are dead dwarves.

LIAM: Pike starts whispering, "I can technically destroy dead things, so, if we sneak me up to the outside of the wall--”

LAURA: Five.

MATT: I mean, you ran into the Allfather's space before, but not every dwarf worships the Allfather. Just like any other free race in the world, religion's up for grabs.

TALIESIN: Knowing the history of this city, would we know what this is?

MATT: You don't know what this is at first glance. The structure seems ceremonial or at least important. It seems to have been placed here with intent away from a large part of society.

TALIESIN: It's not a crypt or anything like that? Or a very expensive crypt.

MATT: It could be.

TRAVIS: Do we see the inside of the gazebo-type structure?

LIAM: How big is it, too?

MATT: How big is it? It's about, maybe, I'd say, 35 feet wide? It almost fills the entirety of the chamber. There's like a slight space behind it, except for the fact that part of the wall collapsed into it and is burying the right side of the structure.

TRAVIS: Colored glass?

MATT: Looking at the glass, it's multiple colors. Looks to be of stained glass type, and it's a thick glass. And there is one intact window of stained glass on the opposite side and there is the double doors currently that keep it shut.

TALIESIN: Is there an image on the stained glass. Is it depicting something?

MATT: It looks to depict a dwarvish-like figure, adorned in golden armor that stands at the precipice of a mountain, with a series of smaller dwarf-like entities in shadow all around looking up at it. It's very simple when you get up close to it, but the further back you go, it's a beautiful arrangement.

TALIESIN: I bet it's a crypt, which means that it's trapped, and I bet that means there's something expensive and interesting inside.

LIAM: DM, question.

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: Because I can't remember for sure, didn't, in our story somewhere, we come up with a solution for Pike's noisiness? Something that quieted her down?

LAURA: She had stealth boots.

MATT: Yes, her boots, they gave her advantage on stealth, which meant that she just made a regular roll.

LIAM: Regular roll.

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: We made her that armor that we never went back and picked up because we fucked up.

LAURA: Yeah, but it doesn't matter because she's got the Dawnmartyr.

LIAM: She casts Guidance on herself to help with that roll.

TRAVIS: I'm with you. I think this thing has a yield.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I'm feeling it.

SAM: Break all the glass, go inside.

MARISHA: I touch the ground, still in my earth elemental form, do I sense anything? Tremor sense? Any vibrations?

MATT: You feel for it. Nothing in the vicinity. However, another footfall hits from the titan and it causes the entirety of the chamber to quake and it's almost like, you know when Superman opens up his perception too wide and hears all the voices?

MARISHA: Yep, mm-hmm.

MATT: Everything around you shakes with such an intense ferocity, it causes your head to shake briefly.

LIAM: I have another DM question.

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: For paladins, "Until the end of your next turn, you know the location of *any* undead within 60 feet," which implies number.

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: If I know the location of *any*, so how many am I sensing?

MATT: One.

LIAM: One. Okay.

LAURA: Do you know where? Can you sense where it is?

MATT: It's in the center of this structure.

LIAM: Center.

TALIESIN: All right. Let's do this.

MARISHA: Oh. Okay.

LAURA: You want to fight it?

TALIESIN: I bet there's something really nice inside.

LIAM: Also, I mean, if Pike can get up and get a peek in, she could take a first shot at turning it. Turnt. Stay turnt.

MARISHA: So there are the double doors and then it's a cave in on one side?

MATT: On one side, and it's broken one of two sets of stained glass on the front of it, and it seems to have filled part of the interior. Currently, there isn't enough space in that window to climb in. It's filled with rock. You could try and move stuff out of the way, or go through the doors, or break the other window. Those are the only types of entrance you can find.

LAURA: And there's no other exit from this cylindrical chamber?

MATT: That you can see, no.

LAURA: Okay.

LIAM: I wonder if getting Pike on the broom or the rug could improve her chances of sneaking up to the door as well, and get a peek in, and try to turn whatever's inside?

LAURA: Oh, I mean we could try it. I'll put Pike on the broom.

LIAM: Okay.

LAURA: And we'll fly over to the side of the cave-in?

MARISHA: I can just earth glide under and peek up.

LAURA: Yeah, but she can turn undead.

TRAVIS: But how many times can she do that in a day? Is that a pull the trigger and once? Do we want to waste it on something--

LAURA: As an action.

LIAM: Unlimited.

LAURA: As an action.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: It's an action.

MARISHA: Is it a spell?

LIAM: No.

TRAVIS: I mean it could be an undead--

MATT: A Channel Divinity, is that what you're talking about?

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: It just works.

LAURA: Oh wait, you can use your Channel Divinity *twice* between rests.

LIAM: Okay, so she can do that. She's got a couple of other things she can do with this ability.

LAURA: And is she 18th level?

LIAM: She's 18th level.

LAURA: Ooh, so now she can do it three times between rests.

LIAM: It's worth a shot, because it could one-shot a king, possibly.

MATT: She's 17th right now-- oh no, I think she just leveled up. I'll double check. No, because *you* just hit 18th.

SAM: I just hit 18th.

MATT: Yep, so she's still 17th.

LIAM: Possible one shot.

TRAVIS: Might just be a dwarven king.

TALIESIN: Let's see what happens.

SAM: Let's do it.

MATT: Let me double check.

MARISHA: Probably is, he's just undead now.

LAURA: So we should try to get her in and turn him?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

LAURA: Okay. Yeah, let's do that.

TRAVIS: Or he's totally encased by the material and if we unearth him--

MARISHA: It could be bad.

TRAVIS: Yep.

MARISHA: Or he's unearthed and-- yeah he could be blocking a--

TRAVIS: Let sleeping dogs lie?

MARISHA: Yeah.

LAURA: Percy really wants to find treasure.

TALIESIN: Well, which is always a bad sign, but there it is.

TRAVIS: Yeah, let's do this!

SAM: In what realm of possibility are we not going into this thing?

LAURA: Well, we could just turn around and walk away and find our way up to the city!

SAM: Have we ever done that?

TRAVIS: Go check that door before I do.

LAURA: All right.

LIAM: You guys go, everybody hang back.

TALIESIN: Check for traps!

LIAM: Yeah, do I spot anything? Here comes the roll.

LAURA: Okay, okay, okay, I'm going to cast Pass Without A Trace on us now.

TALIESIN: I'm keeping my distance and pulling out the rifle and I'm pointing, if anything needs shooting, I'm going to shoot it.

MARISHA: I'm going to be with him by this door.

MATT: So you--?

LIAM: Checking for traps, investigation right? 20.

MATT: All right, so 20. As you go towards the door, you can look around and see the door before you. It's partially buried and it isn't locked, but you can see there are some runic carvings along the perimeter of the doorway, similar to what you saw earlier on the pieces of stone when you first entered, and there are signs of forced entry. It looks like there are parts of the stone that have been chipped, familiar to you from people that use crowbars or other materials to break into entry places. It looks like there have been signs of forced entry in the past.

LIAM: However, there's still a undead thing inside.

MARISHA: It could just be a fight? Deplete us down.

LIAM: But I don't find any traps?

MATT: You do not find any traps in the door, no.

LAURA: It could just be a fight to take away our stuff, before we go to a bigger fight.

MARISHA: Correct.

MATT: All you find is the door on the left appears to be unlocked and you could possibly push it open, and you see the dwarven writing on the outside of the wall.

LIAM: (sighs)

MARISHA: Ah, come on. We're running out of time.

TRAVIS: What are we fucking pretending like--

LAURA: Yeah, fine.

LIAM: Can we see, well, can Pike, "Can I see into the hovel?"

MATT: Do you want to push the door open and have a look inside?

LIAM: Oh, it's closed?

MATT: The door is closed, you can see--

TRAVIS: Oh, hold on, hold on. There are runes, of which I can read.

MARISHA: Oh, five minutes go by, and--?

TRAVIS: Don't knock it, all right, just be grateful. Can I try to take a look at the Dwarvish?

MATT: You may.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

MATT: It takes you roughly 15 or so minutes.

LAURA: Oh my god, come on! We cannot wait for 15 minutes!

LIAM: Vax wings go (poof)

MATT: Yeah, the wings vanish. You can take a short rest if you guys would like to.

LAURA: While he's doing that?

TRAVIS: I'm Professor X.

MATT: It'll take a while, so it means you lose your invisibility--

MARISHA: I mean, might as well.

MATT: All right so you guys can take your hit dice as a short rest. Your form reverts, which if you wanted to try and peek within, it's worked stone so you can't glide through that.

MATT: The words you pull out from this are, "The last king, stalwart warrior of our mountain secrets, his might unmatched, his will unbroken, his passing invites the madness."

TRAVIS: Shit, okay, all right. It's been worth the wait. It is the last king, there's like a secret buried with him and his death brought on the madness. So like, there's definitely treasure with him down there.

MARISHA: Unless it's already been raided?

TALIESIN: I think he's still in there and he's maybe been turning people mad. That would be my guess.

LIAM: The last king.

SAM: There's a king in there?

LAURA: What, say it again?

TRAVIS: He's the last king, there's like, the secret with--

MATT: "Stalwart warrior of our mountain secrets."

SAM: Mountain dwarf?

MARISHA: Stalwart warrior of our mountain secrets.

LIAM: "When I'm turning undead, they're like little piddly guys, they blow up, but if he's a king he might not blow up."

TALIESIN: Okay, then we can--

LIAM: "So, he might get scared of me, or nothing, I don't know?"

SAM: (laughs) Double Pike is the best Pike.

MATT: Grog, you do not get a short rest unfortunately.

TRAVIS: Nope.

MATT: Because you were studying.

TRAVIS: Thank you. I'm working real hard.

SAM: Hey, for hit point counts here, I'm under the impression that we had some bonus hit points from some speech or something? Do we heal those as well?

TALIESIN: No.

MARISHA: Yes.

TALIESIN: Oh, you do?

MARISHA: Yeah, it's plus 18 to your maximum hit points.

MATT: No, no, no, that's from Heroes Feast.

SAM: Which we did not do.

MARISHA: Oh, I'm sorry, it's just temporary hit points.

MATT: It's just temporary hit points from your speech.

MARISHA: But you don't get them back. Right, right, okay.

TRAVIS: When they're gone, they're gone.

MARISHA: Then, yeah.

TRAVIS: What do you think, should we dig him up, or move on?

SAM: Time is of the essence.

LIAM: "Well, time is of the essence, he could have something useful. It seems like a coin flip."

TRAVIS: It says he has a secret with him. Right? Like a secret? A prize?

MATT: All it says is "stalwart warrior of our mountain secrets".

TRAVIS: Oh yeah, a "'stow' of our mountain secrets."

LIAM: “That's tempting,” Liam said.

LAURA: You should open the door.

LIAM: Yeah, of course.

LAURA: *You* should open the door.

LIAM: Yeah, all right, so--

TALIESIN: We are nasty enough that if we have to put this thing down. We put this thing down.

LIAM: Pickle, are you ready to go? "Yeah!" Okay, shhh. I'm going to try and open it as silent as possible.

MATT: Make a strength check.

LIAM: *Strength* check?

MATT: It's a heavy stone door.

LIAM: Good grief.

MATT: Partially buried in rubble. It's not locked but it is somewhat--

LIAM: 16.

MATT: 16?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: For you? Is Pike helping?

LAURA: Yeah!

LIAM: Yeah, sure.

MATT: Have Pike roll as well. Her Strength is 19 so it's +4 to what she rolls.

LAURA: 16.

MATT: Okay, you both (grunting). It shifts like a quarter inch and then locks into place from something.

LIAM: Enough to see in?

MATT: No. The doors are about that thick.

LIAM: "Grog--"

TRAVIS: And I walk up and fucking hammer that shit.

LAURA: No, Grog!!

LIAM: Pike goes like this (yells) as soon as the door opens.

MATT: All right, go ahead and roll an attack.

TALIESIN: Titanstone Knuckles?

TRAVIS: Yeah. Double damage!

MARISHA: Yeah.

LIAM: I mean as soon as Pike sees him flex, she's got her hands--

LAURA: Ready to Turn Undead.

TRAVIS: 17.

MATT: All right, so go ahead and roll damage. We'll say 1d4 for your fists plus your strength modifier.

TRAVIS: 10!

MATT: 10. So that's 20 points of damage, because it's doubled, as you slam your fist into the stone door, the door (cracking) cracks and part of it splinters and falls (falling), toppling past your shoulders and bouncing your head a bit. The door suffered severe damage and probably wouldn't sustain another blow.

MARISHA: I mean--

TALIESIN: Go ahead.

TRAVIS: Fee fi fo fum!

MATT: (laughs) Roll an attack again.

TRAVIS: That is a 15.

MATT: 15, yeah, that's enough. That's just enough. You slam a second time, you don't have to roll damage. Even with the additional modifier it's enough. The door (crumbling) crumples inward and falls inside the actual chamber as your fist turns it into shattered rock and dust.

LAURA: Can Pike see an undead in there?

MATT: Make a perception check.

TRAVIS: I'll make a perception check too. I'm at the doorway.

LAURA: Plus 11? 20.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Natural 20.

MATT: Okay, as you guys glance inside briefly this ten-foot wide-- well, it's actually more like a six-foot wide door side on this point, glancing inside it's another circular chamber that's like an outer hallway maybe five feet wide, six feet wide, and an interior chamber. It looks like a smaller cylinder on the inside that is currently locked. You don't see anything within there. You see to the right immediately the rockslide has filled most of the chamber and comes to rest just about the corner of a single large antique bronze door that's pushed into this central chamber about 15 feet wide.

LIAM: Vax catches Pike's shoulder. Hold on, let me look.

MATT: You glance off to your left and you can see along the other side, there are five pedestals, that curve around the side, each containing a stone box about that big, on each pedestal.

TALIESIN: What?!

MATT: Otherwise, all around the ground here are broken rocks and shattered statue bits from the rockslide. They pushed it inside. It's a mess across the ground from the impact of the rockslide. So, what are you guys doing?

LIAM: I'm checking the boxes for traps. And the door.

LAURA: Can we see anything that points to what deity it is from inside the chamber? Can we see anything?

MATT: Glancing around? You can't make another religion check on one you've already failed.

LAURA: Oh, yeah, no.

MATT: So you don't see anything that comes across as religious iconography.

LAURA: What about Pike though, because she's looking in.

MATT: Sure, make a religion check for Pike.

TALIESIN: Feel you. I feel you.

LIAM: Plus seven.

LAURA: 13.

MATT: 13? No religious iconography seems to catch your attention. What do you roll for the--?

LIAM: 19 for the investigation.

MATT: 19 for the investigation.

LIAM: The door and boxes.

MATT: Okay. Glancing at the first box, it does not appear to be locked. It does appear to be trapped.

LIAM: Okay. Here we go.

LAURA: You're going to try and undo the trap?

MATT: Yep, so go ahead and make a roll, your dexterity and your proficiency modifier.

LIAM: Thieves tool, yeah. That's fine.

TRAVIS: Should we clear out of here while you work on this bomb?

LIAM: Yeah!

TRAVIS: We're all going to get out of the chamber.

MATT: Okay, so you all clear out of the chamber.

LIAM: 30.

MATT: 30, okay. You find there actually a pressure cartridge at the very top of the box, so you slip your dagger in, so it remains depressed. As you lift the lid, you put your thumb over it and hold it, trap never triggers. Looking inside, it's empty.

LIAM: (shutting noise)

MATT: (shutting noise) No problem.

LIAM: Just go down the line.

MATT: All right. Investigation check on the next one.

TRAVIS: Five of them, on pedestals.

LAURA: (groans) Luck?

LIAM: Yeah.

LAURA: Okay, good.

TALIESIN: Oh, yeah.

LIAM: (laughs) That's a 29.

MATT: You rolled a 29?

LIAM: With luck.

MATT: Okay, this one is not locked, is trapped.

LIAM: Okay, here we go. That's fine. That's a 27.

MATT: 27, okay. Similar depression plate, so the dagger opens it up. It's empty.

LIAM: I did one, two, let's jump to five.

MATT: Okay, go for it.

LAURA: Are you making sure nothing's invisible in there?

LIAM: Are you here?

LAURA: I'm peeking in the door.

LIAM: Did you whisper it to me?

LAURA: Yeah.

LIAM: They don't relock when I go?

LAURA: They're not relocking.

LIAM: My sister's hounding me at the door, so I'm going to go back and twiddle my finger inside the empty boxes.

LAURA: You were shutting them as you went.

LIAM: Yeah, but I can reopen them. They don't relock, do they?

LAURA: It's not that they were locked. They were trapped.

LIAM: But retrap, I mean?

MATT: They are re-trapped but you've already known the traps--

LIAM: So I'll go do this inside.

MATT: Nothing.

LAURA: Just wanted to double check!

LIAM: I go to box five.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Oh, that's great. Yeah, that works. That's investigation and it's 26?

MATT: 26? It's not locked. It is trapped.

LIAM: That is a 33? Yeah.

MATT: 33. Similar trap set up, different placement of the depression plate on the inside of the box lid. You find it, hold it, open it up. Empty.

LAURA: Ah, it's all empty?

TALIESIN: Two more.

LIAM: Two more.

LIAM: Let's go to box number three. There's three and four left.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: I look over at Percy. It makes me far too uncomfortable how excited you are about this.

TALIESIN: This could be very good.

LIAM: 18.

MATT: 18. All right, you check. It is not locked. It is not trapped.

(groaning)

LAURA: Oh no, oh no, you rolled too low!

MATT: All right you lift the lid, putting the dagger where the other depressions were.

LIAM: I'm leaning back.

MATT: As you pull it back, there's a (cloud explosion) of a purplish-black cloud of some sort of vapour that immediately bursts into your face. Make a constitution saving throw.

LAURA: It's okay. Well, it's not okay. He's got better constitution.

LIAM: Good. 20.

MATT: 20. You manage to just in time hold your breath and what bit gets into your lungs your body instinctually pushes against. Your semi-living form pushes the toxins from your system. You only suffer--

LAURA: 75 points of poison damage.

MATT: No, you only suffer eight points of poison damage.

TALIESIN: Ah, there you go.

LIAM: Let's do one more.

TALIESIN: Anything in the box?

MATT: Box is empty.

TALIESIN: Last box!

TRAVIS: You are not doing this to us!

LIAM: 19.

MATT: 19. Not locked, not trapped.

TALIESIN: Hold your breath.

TRAVIS: Look at his eyes! Look at his eyes!

LIAM: Yeah, I'm going to hold my breath and-- wait, wait, wait.

SAM: Need some help in there?

LIAM: Okay, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to take up Whisper and I go (unlocking) (wind blowing) and throw it at the wall.

MATT: Okay. So you throw Whisper and pull the lid up?

LIAM: Yep.

MATT: As you pull the lid up, (trap triggers) the same toxic fume emanates from it but you are not there in the space, instead appearing next to the central cylindrical platform in the center of the chamber and look back and the cloud slowly dissipates around. The lid has now fallen back into place.

TRAVIS: Aw, shit!

MARISHA: That was hot.

LIAM: I walk over to it (finger swirling sound).

MATT: Well, the lid fell back in place.

LIAM: Oh, I did that to the top! I open it up (finger swirling sound)

MATT: Okay, you open it up. Make a constitution saving throw.

LIAM: Yes!

MATT: As it (cloud explosion) sprays in the air--

LIAM: It does it again?! It didn't expend?!

MATT: These don't!

LIAM: I would've thought there'd be a little container--

MATT: They reset when they close!

LIAM: With what?! Are there a bunch of gnomes down there?!

TALIESIN: It's like a paintball gun.

MATT: It's almost like there's magic in the world, Liam, that allows you to fly 400 feet a round!

LIAM: I'm just going to take it, a 14, that's not good enough.

MATT: No it's not good enough-- Oh! No, actually 14 is just what you needed.

LAURA: Oh!

MATT: So you resist it again (pained noise), you still-- That is only six points of poison damage.

LIAM: Fine, fine, I cough.

MATT: But you resist the poison from locking into your system.

LAURA: That's good.

MATT: The box is empty.

LAURA: The box is empty! Was it worth it?

TALIESIN: What's in the center?

LIAM: I feel alive-- of what? Of the room?

MATT: The bronze door.

SAM: The gift was the adventure.

TALIESIN: I think that's where the good shit was. I think this was just to take people out.

MATT: You get the sense looking around here, based on the forced entry that there was probably a good chance this place had already been pilfered of whatever those boxes contained.

LIAM: You never know. They could've died trying. And then walked away undead.

SAM: So, there's literally nothing in here? Or there's still a sarcophagus?

LAURA: There's a center cylinder.

MATT: There's the rockslide, shattered statues across the ground. There’s the empty boxes on the pillars, and there's the bronze doorway.

LAURA: There is an undead thing, maybe one undead guy got stuck in the middle.

SAM: So, we should open the bronze door? Right?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LAURA: You know what Scanlan, you should probably bamf inside and see.

SAM: I could.

TRAVIS: Do it.

SAM: Okay.

LAURA: No, no, I'm joking!

TRAVIS: No, no, no, do it!

SAM: I'll go inside and I'll open the door!

TRAVIS: Yeah!

TALIESIN: The door just opens on it--

SAM: Is it locked?

MATT: You go ahead and inspect the door?

LIAM: Ask your rogue, dude.

2:00:00

MATT: So, as you go and take a moment and check the door, there is a bronze image faintly carved into it of a stocky dwarven man with a thick beard that touches his toes. It completely covers the front of his body. He wears plated armor that comes at dangerous, jagged, curved-up points. As far as dwarves go, this one looks about as unhappy and unapproachable as any dwarf, and you've encountered some pretty gnarly dwarves in your time. As you glance down, there does appear to be an opening for a key and there is an oval turning mechanism, like a vault door, like a smaller vault.

SAM: I'm going to check for traps.

MATT: Make an investigation check.

SAM: I think it's 20.

MATT: 20? It does not appear to be trapped.

TRAVIS: Look at that face.

LIAM: Do you mind if I give a second opinion?

SAM: Sure.

LIAM: You know, what could hurt? Oh, not that good though. No, lower than what you rolled.

LAURA: Oh shit. There's no traps.

LIAM: It's okay, you're good now.

TRAVIS: We need a key though.

MATT: Does appear to be locked, though.

SAM: Oh yeah, maybe you should pick the lock.

TRAVIS: We need a key. Let me try my--

LAURA: No, let's just pick his for this.

LIAM: Natural 20.

MATT: To?

LIAM: Pick it.

MATT: Pick the lock? Okay.

LAURA: I'm not in this room.

TALIESIN: I'm in the back, ready.

LIAM: Pike is though. She's been doing this for five minutes.

MATT: Okay, so you and Pike, you're in the back of the room.

TALIESIN: I'm right by the door.

MATT: What's everyone doing?

TRAVIS and LAURA: Outside the door.

MARISHA: Yeah, I'm outside, waiting for a call.

SAM: I'm right next to him.

MATT: All right. So it's a total of what?

LIAM: Total of 37. I'm a level 18 rogue!

MATT: I know!

TALIESIN: You just rolled a natural 20!

MATT: On a lock pick DC of 30, you manage to somehow find the intricacy of a king dwarf sarcophagus sealed door. It takes you a good two to three minutes to carefully find the proper tumblers and hold them without it breaking or ruining the lock, but you manage to feel something shift, and a slight latch mechanism on the other side go (creaking). At which point, the brass door from the front door's jaw goes (door opening) and pours forth green fume that fills the entirety of the chamber. Scanlan, Pike, and Vax, I need you and you because you're still in the back of the chamber--

TALIESIN: I'm by the door though.

LIAM: But, you're inside.

MATT: You said you were back in the chamber by the door, it's on the outskirt. I need you all to make a constitution saving throw, please.

TRAVIS: It's like we kept asking for it.

MARISHA: I know.

SAM: 18, for me.

MARISHA: Keyleth is in the back facepalming right about now.

TALIESIN: 19.

LIAM: 25.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Seven.

MATT: Seven. Okay. You manage to shrug off whatever this effect the fume is and you all cough for a second as it dissipates. Scanlan, Percival, and Pike, you feel your joints begin to stiffen, you feel your skin begin to tighten, and as you guys try and shift and look around, your whole body moves sluggishly. The outside of your body seems to harden and begin to shift in place. You suddenly begin to wonder, those shattered statue pieces in the ground may have been the last tomb robbers who came through here. As you all begin to realize this and the fume begins to slowly fade from the chamber, the rest of you, scared to enter, I need you to make another constitution saving throw.

TRAVIS: Whoa.

LAURA: Oh my god.

MATT: Not you, Vax, you already made it, but I need Pike, Percy, and Scanlan to make another.

MARISHA: Can Keyleth do any type of wind gust to try to push this away to help?

MATT: If you'd like to.

MARISHA: But, ahead of time?

MATT: The effect has already taken place on them, it's not going to stop it unless they save, but you can try and clear the chamber of the fume.

MARISHA: I'll go ahead and clear the chamber so they don't have to do this again.

MATT: All right, so what are you using to do that?

MARISHA: Wind gust.

MATT: It's a 1st-level, correct?

MATT: So you clear, the fume dissipates out and up into the chamber, and you diffuse it enough where it doesn't seem to have as concentrated an effect.

LIAM: Could you say that Vax saw the look of panic in Pike's eyes and Blessed her in a split second?

MARISHA: Gust of Wind, 2nd-level spell, sorry.

MATT: I will say, sure, I'll let that happen.

SAM: But, you won't let me cast Greater Restoration?

MATT: You can if you want to.

SAM: I will cast Greater Restoration.

MATT: On yourself?

SAM: On Pike.

MATT: On Pike, okay. As you reach out and cast Greater Restoration, it infuses Pike's body and the hardening effect fades.

SAM: But I have to roll another constitution?

MATT: You and Percival both.

LAURA: So Pike is--?

SAM: (grimaces) 13.

MARISHA: 13 is not good. Oh fucking hell.

TALIESIN: I'm going to blow a resolve. That'll be fun, because that was bullshit. 18?

MATT: As Pike shrugs off the effect and the Gust of Wind clears the rest of the green fume from the chamber, you all look back and watch as, locked in place, frozen stone Percival and Scanlan now adorn the chamber like decorative statues, locked in an expression of--

LAURA: Pike runs over and casts Greater Restoration on Scanlan.

MARISHA: And I cast Greater Restoration on Percy.

MATT: Okay, so mark off those spells cast for both of you. And upon touch, each of you, your form reverts back and the flesh and color returns back to your body.

MARISHA: Can we please stop robbing tombs and get back to our actual mission?

SAM: I'm stuck like this!

LAURA: No, you're not.

SAM: It didn't work! Oh god!

LAURA: Scanlan, no you're not.

TALIESIN: I put my finger in his ear.

TRAVIS: Shit, we just blew those.

MARISHA: Can we go?

MATT: The door's open. And the jaw is not resetting. It's expended at the time, you don't know how long it will take for it to reset. And you do recognize this is one of those type of traps that does reset over time, you don't know how much time you have.

LIAM: Too bad I didn't recognize the last one.

MATT: Nope.

TALIESIN: Do we want to open it? We paid for it.

LIAM: It's open.

TALIESIN: It's open, what's inside?

LIAM: Pickle, come on.

LAURA: She gets ready.

MATT: Beyond the door, indeed you find the tomb of the last king. In this cylindrical chamber with plain stone walls in the center, you see a single solid marble rectangular sarcophagus with no lid. It is open before you. Within, you see the mummified skeleton of a dwarf adorned in golden decorative armor, the same shape and design that you saw on the bronze doorway before you entered. An intricate hammer made of jet black metal rests to one side outside of its grasp, and a beautiful gray leather belt of square opals wraps around the center of its body. At which point, the skull goes (crackling).

LAURA: She casts Turn Undead.

LIAM: She grabs her holy symbol and flips it the bird and Turns Undead.

MATT: Okay. As she holds up the holy symbol, the might of Sarenrae swells within her and blasts forth in a shockwave of divine energy and will. What's her DC?

LIAM: Wisdom saving throw DC, oh shit, so many pieces of paper. 18.

MATT: 18? As the wave blasts past, it sits up, seemingly unaffected by the effect. (growls) It looks like it's coming to. You have one round. What are you guys doing?

LIAM: One round?

TRAVIS: We're not in there.

MATT: Nope, the rest of you are out. It's one round before it seems to be-- it's currently sitting up in the sarcophagus, its arms reaching out for the hammer at its side.

LIAM: I'm going to fill up with three daggers and dump Divine Smite into the first.

SAM: Take its weapons.

MATT: All right. Pike also still has her mace.

LAURA: Yeah, so she should do that.

MARISHA: Am I in there from the gust?

MATT: No, you guys are still outside of the chamber. They rushed in after healing each other and besides, it's a small room, there's only room for three people to get in there. What are you doing?

LAURA: Pike's going to rush in as he's doing that and try to rip the hammer away from the body and run out of the room.

MATT: Interesting. Okay. So first, you do your attack.

LIAM: 32, 19, 32.

MATT: The first and the third hit.

LIAM: Okay, first and third hit. Sneak attack on the first because assassin, and I'm going to dump Smite into it. Three plus eight. Let me get the dice first. (counting) 41. And the Smite is 3d8 because it's undead. I said 41, right? 41, 45, 46, 52, doubled is 104. Plus the psychic damage. 109. For the first attack.

MATT: So. Pike doesn't have much of a fight for the hammer because you watch as daggers jam into the ornamental armor, causing it to bend and twist inward, ruining the breastplate, and the undead king falls apart, and before it can sit up, is now sitting right back down in the sarcophagus.

LAURA: She's like, "Well!"

TALIESIN: Take everything.

LAURA: Check for traps, because we've been there, darling. We've been there.

MARISHA: Take his belt.

LAURA: Check for fucking traps. How about nobody dies.

LIAM: Bad experience with coffins.

TRAVIS: It really didn't go that poorly last time.

SAM: I'm going to check the floor for any pressure plates or anything. Okay. That's a lot. 30.

MATT: 30.

LIAM: 22 for my investigation.

MATT: Okay. The sarcophagus itself is not trapped. Nothing of the accoutrements appear to be trapped. As you're investigating, the floor plates to the immediate right and left of the sarcophagus to where someone would easily wish to reach in, there are two plates that are trapped.

SAM: Just work from the floor or from the--

MATT: From the front, yeah. It's a very small space, it's meant that if more than one person were to-- or if you were to fill the chamber, the two sides would trigger.

TALIESIN: Let's get what we need and get out.

LIAM: Oh no, you can fly over.

TALIESIN: Before it resets.

MATT: The bronze plate armor is ruined. It's decorative, it appears to be more for visual and presentation than actual function. So you grab the dark hammer and the belt. Then you pull out of the chamber. The jaw of the open bronze is slowly (creaking sound).

LAURA: Get out.

MATT: You guys exit the chamber, you're now outside of the cylindrical tomb of the Last King.

TRAVIS: That was a lot of action. What did you get?

LAURA: I found a hammer, Grog. Is it cursed? Can we tell? If it's cursed? Can we tell if it's bad?

LIAM: You might be experiencing some issues right now if it were cursed.

MATT: Anyone have an Identify spell?

SAM: She might have been able to sense good and evil, no?

LAURA: I don't know.

SAM: Or is that for creatures, not for-- That's for creatures.

LIAM: I could Detect Good and Evil.

LAURA: Yeah. Here.

MATT: It's creatures.

TRAVIS: Gimme.

SAM: I can look at it and just look at it. I'll look at it.

LAURA: Does it feel magic?

MATT: Make an arcana check, if you're looking at it. Sorry.

SAM: Just looking. 12.

LAURA: We suck.

MATT: It's interesting. It's not so much that you can see any sort of-- there's no runic ornamentation it seems on it, but it's like a deep jet black metal. Make a history check.

MARISHA: Does it look like the same black metal as in the tomb?

SAM: 22.

MATT: 22. This is adamantine, which is an extremely rare and hard metal.

SAM: Wolverine?

MATT: It's the fantasy equivalent. It's not technically magically enchanted, but its nature makes it a very powerful weapon by the metal that it's crafted from.

MARISHA: The hammer?

MATT: The hammer.

TRAVIS: Is it a two-handed weapon? Single-handed?

MATT: It's a warhammer, so it's one-handed.

TRAVIS: I'm just saying.

SAM: What's your hammer like?

TRAVIS: My Dwarven Thrower? It can be single or double-handed. It's not a warhammer. It flies back to my hand, though.

SAM: Oh, that's pretty cool.

TRAVIS: It is. But you can never have enough hammers. Do you mind if I--?

SAM: No, but I mean, how are you going to wield this? You have two other weapons, don't you?

TRAVIS: Are you kidding me? I'm like a fucking Home Depot of weapons. I got what you need.

SAM: Sure, go for it.

LAURA: What about the belt?

MATT: The belt? Make an arcana check.

SAM: Let me look at that. I have no idea what that is.

TRAVIS: Just because I want to know, can I go up to the doorway and hit the side of the doorway with the adamantine black hammer?

MATT: It does require attunement to use its effect or power.

LAURA: Oh! It needs attunement.

TRAVIS: Yeah, without attuning. I just hit the doorway.

MATT: Okay. It's solid, it's hefty, it's nice. One of the better hammers you've ever wielded.

TRAVIS: It's solid. It's hefty. It's one of the better hammers I've ever wielded.

SAM: Are you going to unattune from something to attune to this?

TRAVIS: No.

LAURA: Just to have it.

SAM: Then what is it?

TRAVIS: Bag of Holding.

LAURA: This is totally worth it. We don't know what any of this shit is.

TALIESIN: We don't know. Let me take a look at that belt, maybe. Wait, you have to be trained in arcana to identify something, don't you?

MATT: I would say for the most part, yeah.

TALIESIN: Is there anybody else trained in arcana?

MATT: I mean, you can make a base check to give a glance, but you're not going to be able to learn much about the nature of any enchantment if you find one.

TALIESIN: Does 23 do anything?

MATT: I will say looking at it, there does to be runes inscribed very faintly in parts of the leather around it and the way the rectangular opals are set into it, there is a glimmer of some sort of enchantment based into it.

TALIESIN: I want to attune to it and see what happens.

MARISHA: We have to take another short rest.

TALIESIN: Next time, yeah. Let's get a little further.

SAM: Next time? We're about to go fight fucking Vecna.

TALIESIN: I mean, we're on our way, but we've got a lot further to go.

SAM: Well, that was fruitful. Let's keep going.

TRAVIS: All right. Let's go back to the other way.

TALIESIN: I think I'm going to try the belt on and see what happens.

TRAVIS: Yeah, do it.

LIAM: Fred.

MARISHA: While we're walking?

LIAM: Freddie.

TALIESIN: It's obviously enchanted, it doesn't--

SAM: Who would be buried with a cursed belt?

TRAVIS: Absolutely you would. Yep. That's exactly what you would do with it.

SAM: I think it's a great idea. We're gods now, we can do anything we want.

MARISHA: I mean, we have pulled cursed items out of tombs before.

SAM: They haven't permanently killed any of us.

MARISHA: Sure.

LAURA: You can do what?

LIAM: I wasn't going to say I could do anything. I think that's a shitty idea right now.

MARISHA: We really need to keep moving.

TRAVIS: We travel back down the---

LAURA: Yeah, the other fucking direction.

MATT: All right. So, you head the other way. So, you're holding off?

TALIESIN: No, I want to find out, so I'm going to pull the gloves off and I'm going to put the belt on.

MATT: Okay, so you begin to attune to it as you guys are walking, take some time with it.

TALIESIN and MARISHA: I hope it's great.

MATT: Following the right path you continue for roughly 100 feet or so in a switchback motion. Once you're past that portion of the tunnel, it seems to curve back and it ascends in like a switchback path a bit. You can see at this point more stairs, more carved stone steps are beginning to emerge; some of the rough earth that you had encountered in previous T-intersections seems to be falling away to some semblance of actual holding architecture. And eventually it reveals a much larger hall of very apparent dwarven architecture. The ceiling now pulls up to about 60 feet above you, stalagmites dripping condensation from the shadow above, you can hear the distant drops in the distance of the cavern before you. You can make out broken ruins built into the walls of each side. Ancient stone homes and structures that now crack and crumble with each footfall of the titan. As you hear the (impact) of the next heavy footfall, you see as a couple of stones tumble from some of these structures, clattering across the cavern floor.

LIAM and MATT: Perception check.

LIAM: Natural 20.

MATT: Vax. You hear a faint, distant, echoing, alien sound in the darkness ahead of you.

LIAM: Far-ish?

MATT: Further than your visual range.

LIAM: Further than my visual range. Okay, we've got company up ahead. So, yeah.

MARISHA: What kind of an alien language? Any that we recognize?

MATT: You hear that faint sounds like a voice, droning, slightly changing pitch, but it's so disparate and so distant that you can't make up anything other than noticing that it exists amongst the steady, low, rhythmic rumbles of each separate footfall of the beast you now currently are within.

TRAVIS: Vax. Go fetch.

LIAM: Stealth.

MATT: All right. Make a stealth check.

LIAM: 30.

MATT: Okay. As you dart ahead, you come up a few steps onto a raised thoroughfare amongst the various dwarven buildings here. It looks like there is a crevasse or chasm that this portion of the city was built along, and you can see up above there were platforms where would rise up and there were raised buildings built into these chambers that have since fallen and crumbled down with the movement of the titan, leaving ruined piles of broken walls, floors, and decorative materials. You can see broken and bent dinnerware and metallic decorative plates or vases that have since fallen and crumbled beneath the collapsing structures. There was once a thriving city that you're now getting more glimpses of the further into this beast you go that has been long deserted and now, the longer it travels, it begins to be erased by the vibrations of the creature's movement. As you continue forward, you can see there's a portion where the-- Couldn't wait, could you.

TRAVIS: The damn growl. I thought it was a growl.

LAURA and MATT: It sounded like a growl.

LIAM: Man, I had to pee so bad, I ran out of the room.

MATT: I know. As you crest the top of this upper area of the road, you glance down and can see a portion of it is underwater, there's a small pool where droplets drop and at the edge of it you can barely see the shape of a creature, hunched at the edge of the waterside.

LIAM: How close am I to that?

MATT: It's about 50 to 55 feet from you.

LIAM: Divine Sense.

MATT: Okay. Divine Sense to see if--

LIAM: It's undead.

MATT: It is not undead; you do not get an undead sense.

LIAM: Okay. Or a fiend or a celestial?

MATT: It's too far away to get a close view at this point because it's at the edge of your darkvision. You can just make out its shape; it's humanoid, it has two arms, two legs, and it looks roughly the size of you or Vex. But you now see it's sitting at a fallen and partially ruined dwarven statue, some sort of structure that was on a pedestal that had fallen at the edge--and it's sitting over top of it. It's got gray, splotchy skin, tough exterior, armored spines or plates along its back that stick up as it hunches forward like some sort of porcupine.

LAURA: Does it look like a thing in the Nine Hells that we saw? Or in the City of Brass?

MATT: Not quite, it's smaller than that. You see a collection of odd trinkets and objects that dangle around its waist that clink as it shifts, like a belt of scavenged trophies. Its claws currently tear into some sort of unidentified fleshy limb; it has clawed fingers. It's digging into it, tears a piece of flesh off of it and chews and slurps it back. It suddenly freezes up--

LIAM: (daggers whooshing) One two three.

ALL: (disbelief) Oh.

MATT: Roll for an attack.

MARISHA: What if he’s nice? What if he is that random creepy merchant you find in the middle of nowhere?

TRAVIS: Nobody that eats with their hands in the inside of a titan is nice.

LIAM: Advantage on all three attacks. First attack is 29.

MATT: Okay, that hits.

LIAM: Second attack.

SAM: He's just a nice old man.

LIAM: Second attack is 32. Third attack is 27.

MATT: That hits.

LAURA: (gentle old man impression) Thank god you're here! I've been--

TALIESIN: There's no throat left.

MARISHA: (rugged voice) Would you like to see my wares--

TRAVIS: I've been freed from my--

SAM: (gravelly voice) Don't go in the crypt of--

(laughter)

MATT: So the first dagger does--

LIAM: Ten, 14, 17, 23, 24, 48 plus psychic damage. 54 for the first attack.

MATT: The two daggers hit nothing as the first dagger strikes and slaughters the creature. And hits the water and now floats up, unmoving in the pond there. You can see the liquid around it darkening.

TALIESIN: You just killed an NPC!

LIAM: We're not in Emon in the market square!

MATT: No one knows about this. The sheer force of the first dagger sends it off the broken statue and it falls into the water and it is now unmoving.

LIAM: We are in *hell*. Perception check.

TRAVIS: All we know is you're just out there.

MATT: You guys do hear this distant echoing (creature dying) that echoes throughout the chamber.

LIAM: 31.

MATT: Okay, you glance around. Nothing else seems to be moving in the chamber.

LIAM: All right, I'm going to sneak up to it.

MATT: Okay. You move up to it, you can see now it's hunched in the water, its face is under the ground. The water itself is maybe waist deep at most, and it's there floating in the liquid.

SAM: It was holding a baby.

LIAM: Flame Tongue is out, what am I looking at?

MATT: Do you want to look at its face?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: Okay, as you pull one of the spines and pull it back, you can see toothy jaws, humanoid-like, but grey and coming to a point where you can see jagged teeth in the top and bottom row, and one singular large yellowish eye in the center of its face, no nose, and the eye is slightly rolled back.

LIAM: Liam knows what this thing is, but Vax does not. Fuck this thing! I'm going to start looking-- what are the trinkets on it?

MATT: Make an investigation check.

LAURA: You don't know what Matt would've done with whatever you think!

LIAM: Oh, he could do anything!

MARISHA: Yeah, Clarota was nice!

LIAM: Was he? Did you say investigation or perception?

MATT: Investigation.

LIAM: Investigation, all right, thank you. Some weird energy tonight, guys. 19.

MATT: 19. Okay. A lot of them appear to be bones, many of them ancient, and a couple of them look to be more fresh. There's a filth-encrusted dagger that's hanging from the side, an empty scroll case, a spyglass, half of a book that looks like it's old and rotten and falling apart, and a singular bronze key.

LIAM: I rip off the spyglass and go, oh that looks nerdy, percy will like that, and then I yank off the dagger and go, That looks all right, and I stick it in the Blinkback belt and then-- what was the last thing? It was a key. To the bronze door right, yeah.

MATT: Looking at the shape and size of it, it probably would have fit pretty snugly into that door.

LIAM: In the dark by myself. Oh that is fucking hilarious.

TRAVIS: No book?

LIAM: The tattered remains of the book? Eh.

MATT: You don't recognize the language.

LIAM: Eh. I don't. I let it sink back into the water.

MATT: Okay. Well, it’s still floating.

TRAVIS: Vax. What did you find up ahead?

LIAM: A one eyed, one horned, swimming, purple, people-- Come on up, please, we should keep moving.

TRAVIS: All right. We join him.

MATT: All right. You guys approach carefully, walking through the center of this twisting chasm. You come over the rise of the central road and descend to meet up with Vax where you see there was the pool and the floating creature.

LAURA: Eww. What is that? Do any of us know what is was?

TALIESIN: Am I starting to get a vibe or am I not starting to get a vibe?

MATT: Of?

TALIESIN: The belt.

MATT: Oh, the belt? Okay, I’d say at this point. Sure.

TALIESIN: Starting to get a vibe?

MATT: Sure.

SAM: Ooh.

MARISHA: Is it vibey?

TALIESIN: It says. Okay.

LAURA: Read it out loud.

SAM: I don't even know how to pronounce that first word.

TALIESIN: The attuned gains resistance to psychic damage, in addition they are immune to being paralyzed or petrified and cannot be knocked prone.

TRAVIS: Okay, that's fucking clutch.

LAURA: Okay, that's really big.

TALIESIN: As an action you can channel your anger to produce a shock wave of thunderous energy, as with the Thunderwave spell. DC 16, cast at fifth level. You cannot use this feature until you complete a short rest.

SAM: How do you pronounce that first name?

MARISHA: Cincture. Cincture of the Stone King.

SAM: Cinc-ture?

MARISHA: Cincture. It’s like Spanx. We should call it Spanx of the Stone King.

SAM: How do you know that?

TALIESIN: How do you not?

SAM: Oh, it's like, people still make these things?

MARISHA: It's like a cincture. Like Spanx.

SAM: Oh, I've never seen that word before.

LIAM: Oh, Freddy. Get excited. I found a spyglass covered in diarrhea. Would you like it?

TALIESIN: (wincing) Yes. Clean it please.

LAURA: What was this creature? Do we know what this creature is?

MATT: This would be an arcana check on this one actually.

TRAVIS: Because he’s enjoying his belt, can I take out--

MATT: Is anyone here trained in arcana?

LAURA: Scanlan.

SAM: Well, I’m not proficient in it, weirdly, but I am an arcanist.

MATT: Yeah, make a check with disadvantage.

SAM: Seven.

LAURA: With disadvantage.

SAM: Four.

MATT: You’re not entirely certain what this is.

TALIESIN: Is that with your arcana?

SAM: I mean, it’s ten.

LAURA: Oh, well that's better than four.

SAM: Yeah, but it’s still sucky.

TRAVIS: Could I take out the black metallic hammer now that he's all excited about his belt and begin my attuning period?

MATT: Okay. So you’re going to attune. Are you guys going to wait for him or are you going to walk with his as--

SAM: No we're not fucking waiting for--

MATT: Okay, you look at the creature and leave it there in the water. You begin concentrating on the hammer. What are you unattuning from to take its place?

TRAVIS: Instead of the Bloodaxe.

MATT: Okay. So you set the Bloodaxe away and attune to the adamantine hammer as you begin trek further into--

LAURA: Is there anything else interesting in this cavern? That we can see?

MATT: We’ll get to that in a minute. As you begin to leave the watered pool to head further into this chasm were going to take a break. Because it's been a while. We’ll be back here in a little bit, guys. We do have this Wenge Dice Vault for one of you guys to win from our friends over at Wyrmwood. This is the same wood that I use for my dice box over here.

SAM: You will win Matthew Mercer’s wood tonight. No?

MATT: That works. So yeah. Head over to the twitch chat if you want to be entered in this when called for in the the twitch chat. Tonight's code word is titan. T-I-T-A-N. Enter that to be put into the drawing and one of you lucky winners will have this. We’ll announce you when we come back from the break. See you guys here in a few.

Part II
MATT: And welcome back to Critical Role.

(laughter)

MATT: First off, we have a winner. The winner of the (laughs) of the the giveaway tonight is Dalen365. D-A-L-E-N. Dalen365, congratulations. Danoba will contact you for your information and we’ll get that sent out to you, so well done.

LIAM: You know what? 82 people tweeted me that Pike speaks Dwarvish. So thanks guys, thanks.

LAURA: Yes, thank you for informing us.

TRAVIS: (garbled) Who cares? I speak Dwarvish.

MATT: I like to think that Pike could, but wanted to let him do it. "You can do it." She taught him to write, taught him to read. She's like, "Good job."

TRAVIS: Thank you. I'm a scholar.

MATT: Also, before we get started, Laura, something you wanted to mention at the beginning, but you weren't here for the announcements.

LAURA: Oh man, yeah. Uncharted: The Lost Legacy came out this week.

TRAVIS: It's so good!

LAURA: You should check it out!

TRAVIS: You play Nadine.

LAURA: I play Nadine. You should go see it.

SAM: You should go see it?

MATT: At a theater near you.

TALIESIN: At a drive-in near you.

LAURA: Go see it, and then play it.

LIAM: It's a match-three game, right?

LAURA: Yeah, and also Marvel Spider-Man show premiered on the 19th. I'm Gwen Stacy on that.

MATT: I'm the Rhino on that.

MARISHA: Your shirt's so dope, too.

LAURA: I saw the episode, too, and it's really good.

MATT: He's coming up throughout the series, and he's a ridiculous character. He's fun. Fantastic. I forgot about that; thank you for the reminder. All right, so bringing it back in. As you've left the pool and the body behind, you continue further into this chasm.

TRAVIS: Oh man, that's going to be a good Talks later.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Not that we heard anything about what you just did.

LIAM: You might have seen a corpse in the water, floating.

TRAVIS: I don't pay attention to that shit.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: I wanted to look in the chamber and see if there was anything else interesting before we walked out.

MATT: There are a number of dwarven buildings in the vicinity. Some are partially or completely collapsed. Some had fallen from outcroppings and platforms that have since fallen into the center of the chamber.

TRAVIS: It's almost as if this room is meant to introduce something.

TALIESIN: Stop it!

MATT: You rolled a perception. It was?

LAURA: I didn't roll it.

MATT: You didn't roll yet? That's right; you did.

LIAM: To perceive a dead body in the water.

LAURA: 29.

MATT: 29. Glancing about, there's the continuation of the path. The chasm seems to be pinching a bit the further forward you go; it's closing in. You see six dwarven households or structures that could be entered, that look structurally-enough sound that they're standing.

LAURA: Do they look rich?

MATT: From this perspective? Everything looks pretty wrecked.

LAURA: Okay. We're in a hurry, right? I'm not going to go search for stuff.

MATT: All right. Continuing forward, the floor continues to ascend upward as you reach the edge of where the earth begins to meet to that pinch at the edge of the chasm, and there, the tunnel continues anew. There are stairs that continue for about 25 or 30 feet beyond, as you ascend to those steps. They begin to vanish beneath more loose earth or stone for another 20 or so feet before reemerging again in places. About 40 feet past that, the tunnel ends at a set of heavy stone eight-foot doors. The surrounding cavern has slid in places, but it doesn't appear to be burying the door, to a certain extent. They're just closed. You don't see any handles; you don't see any keyhole entry point. They're just two stone slabs. They're simple. They're smooth. There's no intricate scrolling. There's no Dwarven text. They're just impeding your progress.

LIAM: Let's have a look.

LAURA: Yeah, I'll look around.

MATT: Investigation check.

LIAM: Oh, terrible.

LAURA: 21.

LIAM: 18.

MATT: Okay. There does not appear to be any locking mechanism. There doesn't appear to be any traps around it. They're just two stone slabs that are jammed together.

LAURA: No hinges, no nothing.

MATT: No.

TRAVIS: (clears throat)

LIAM: Yes, Greg?

TRAVIS: No, I just had a tickle in my throat.

LAURA: Did you want to smash your way through this very loudly?

TRAVIS: Oh, did you want me to smash through this very loudly?

LAURA: No.

TRAVIS: Gently, with a push, maybe?

LAURA: Yeah, maybe try to push it first.

TRAVIS: Fine. Can I push? Wait. Can I try pushing on one of the slabs? The right slab.

MATT: Sure. Make a strength check.

LIAM: Vax is backing the fuck up.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I'm backing up.

TRAVIS: 24.

MATT: 24. You put both hands and push and push. Your fingers (cracking) dig into the stone, and it cracks around the exterior where you push about an inch into the stonework with your Gauntlets. As you push, you watch as the surrounding edges of the stone door-- this is the right or the left one?

TRAVIS: The right one.

MATT: The right one, right. You watch as where it meets the stone, cracks begin to form at the edge and with one shift (shifting), it seems to push forward and (falling and impacting). You actually broke whatever mechanism was holding it in place and caused that side of the door to fall inward (booming). As it hits the ground, you hear the echo (echoing boom).

TRAVIS: Wait, I know a saying for this: They make them like they used to!

MARISHA: That's relevant. Accurate.

TRAVIS: Can I see anything immediately in the--

MATT: Make a perception check.

LIAM: We're all going to die.

MATT: It is pitch black inside. There is no light or light source.

TRAVIS: Look at that! A modifier of zero. 18. I have darkvision because of the belt.

MATT: Yep, not bad. All right. So you glance inside the lightless chamber. First off, the smell of rot and time, I guess you could say; that dusty, old, ancient, untouched scent wafts from the chamber.

LAURA: A really old fart. MATT: Yeah. As you glance inside, you find a single chamber before you that splits off into two other chambers, all rectangular, and there are two other subchambers that are beyond you. These stand about 20 feet tall at the highest and about 40 feet wide on the one that's on the farthest side, and you can't make it far past to the secondary chamber to the right. And it's asymmetrical; one seems closer than the other. There's essentially three chambers that are all attached together, with small entryways that lead to each. The floor is covered in flaked shale, dirt, the occasional glitter of some sort of errant coin or gold piece or copper piece. At this point, again you hear the distant (booming) of a titan footfall. The chamber shakes, and a fresh layer of dust falls, clouds a bit, before resting to the floor. That's the most you can make out at first glance inside this chamber.

TRAVIS: There's more tunnels.

LIAM: Looking for traps, dead guys, from the door.

MARISHA: Can I do a peek and check to see if there's any signs of cave-in potentials? Potential cave-ins?

MATT: Make a perception check.

LAURA: Can I feel if there's any wind coming from one of the tunnels, like there's an opening somewhere that leads out?

TRAVIS: With your face?

LAURA: Yeah, I want to feel the wind on my face. Thanks.

MARISHA: 28.

MATT: Glancing about this chamber, it's very well made. In fact, based on the smatterings of gold on the ground and glancing about the way it's built, this looks to be specifically a vault. This once contained probably a portion of the wealth of the people of this town.

LIAM: Oh, somebody rolled this place.

MARISHA: We don't hear anybody or anything?

MATT: Not at the moment, no.

LIAM: 18 investigation check for traps and dead guys.

LAURA: 25 for wind!

(laughter)

MATT: There is a faint bit of airflow through the chamber now that this door is open.

LAURA: Can I tell where it's coming from?

MATT: It is coming from the front of you and to the right, the chamber you haven't been able to look past entirely, to the right. You glance about in the entryway now that's open before you. There does not appear to be any trapped mechanism in front of you. There are areas where some of the walls have caved in slightly. The ceiling is solid, but there are portions where some of the wall has come in, and you can see where rockslides have come to rest on each side and filled in some of the corners. There are piles of rags and other wayward bits of materials that have been left behind and left to rot or sit. It's an awful, almost citrusy rot smell coming from one of the far chambers on the left.

MARISHA: I drag in the human, escort him in, and go ahead and light up my hands.

MATT: Your hands open up. Pike has?

LAURA: Her mace.

MATT: Her mace. Do you come in, as well?

SAM: Sure, yeah!

MATT: All right, so you all walk into the chamber.

LAURA: I think there's an exit ahead and to the right.

MATT: As you're glancing and doing your investigation, looking around, to confirm that this was once a vault that held quite a bit of wealth, you look at the base of the wall-- the parts that you can see that aren't buried-- and you can see scrapes and grooves. Hundreds of them, like they were once many coins and other heavy metallic materials that were placed in here that scraped against the stone as they were once on the ground. About maybe three inches off the ground, you can see this layer of metallic scrapes across the stonework that this place once contained a fair amount of wealth.

LIAM: So if dudes came in here and put stuff in sacks, there wouldn't be scrapes.

MATT: You do notice grooves in places and signs that this vault has already been largely raided, of course; most everything in here has been taken. Probably a long time ago, based on the center. You do notice that one of the piles of rags begins to twitch and shift ahead of you.

LIAM: Mini Jenga.

TRAVIS: Mini Jenga?

LIAM: Well, there's something under that.

LAURA: (whispering) Maybe you should kill it before it says anything to you.

LIAM: Do you want to? I don't think it's a small child down here.

TRAVIS: I've become Death, Destroyer of Worlds.

SAM: (whispering) Dagger, dagger, dagger!

LIAM: What do you want to do, sis?

LAURA: No, it's all you!

SAM: Kill it!

TALIESIN: Detect undead?

LIAM: I don't have much of that left. Yeah, my last one, I'll use it.

MARISHA: Your last one?

LIAM: My last one. Detect undead, divine sense.

MATT: Okay, divine sense. The rag pile, it's around this portion of rock and fallen debris. Behind it, there's that pile of rags that's shifting. The minute you focus, you sense that is indeed a source of undead energy, and at that point, the rags rise up and you see a very long, greenish humanoid claw extend. As the rag falls back, you see a familiar sight. You've encountered trolls in the wild before, but these trolls appear to be somewhat rotting, their flesh strangely battling between decomposition and regeneration. There's this shifting midpoint where its form and whatever cursed enchantment is held within it or disease that claims its body is battling its nature.

LIAM: How far away is it?

MATT: Well, right now, it's charging, and I need you to roll initiative.

TRAVIS: Everybody?

MATT: Everybody.

LAURA: That fast?! Oh fuck.

MATT: It slowly emerged and then (snarling) charged in your direction.

LIAM: Yay, maps!

SAM: It's all the maps we didn't use in Indianapolis!

ALL: (mockingly) Indianapolis!

SAM: I am drunk!

(laughter)

LAURA: Indianapolis!

LIAM: Look, all the gold!

MATT: So that's the rag side there. Vax would've been right there.

LIAM: Look at this great tile work! I love Dwarven Forge!

MATT: (singsong) They do good shit! If you'd guys like to place yourselves--

SAM: Matt, will you leave all this stuff for me when you go to Burning Man, so I can use it?

MATT: Talk to Dani; she's watching our house. You can borrow whatever's in there.

SAM: Thanks.

MATT: All right, Grog.

LIAM: We are taking that bird.

MARISHA: You steal my bird, you die.

MATT: Vex?

LAURA: Oh, I guess I'd be next to--

MARISHA: You steal my bird, she will pluck your eyes out.

LAURA: Bear is with Grog.

MATT: With Grog? Okay.

LAURA: Trinket really likes Grog.

MATT: And Scanlan? You just entered the chamber behind everybody else.

SAM: What's going on, guys? (screaming)

LAURA: He's a big guy!

MATT: Right. 25 to 20?

LAURA: 24!

TALIESIN: 29.

LIAM: That's our Percival.

MATT: Always first. All right, and then Vex. 20 to 15?

LAURA: Oh, I didn't roll for Pike.

TRAVIS: 16.

LIAM: 15.

LAURA: Ooh! 16 for Pike.

MATT: Oh, all right. Pike's before Grog.

LIAM, MARISHA, and TRAVIS: Pickle wreck!

MARISHA: It's turned into a battle cry. Pickle wreck!

MATT: All right, 15 to ten.

SAM: 11.

MATT: Ten to five? Keyleth, what did you get?

MARISHA: Three.

(groaning)

TRAVIS: What is going on?!

SAM: How did you do that?

MARISHA: I rolled a one, that's how. I rolled a one.

MATT: Top of the round. Percival, you watch as something underneath this rag pile suddenly emerges and then darts around the edge. You see it's rushing towards Vax'ildan. What are you doing?

TALIESIN: I'm shooting it in the foot.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: So I'm actually making this a leg shot. Burning that. That's a 22?

MATT: 22? All right, 22 hits.

TRAVIS: What are you shooting it with?

TALIESIN: With a gun. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, that's 17 points of damage, plus five psychic. And it has to make a strength saving throw.

MATT: That is a 20. What is your--

TALIESIN: 20.

MATT: So it succeeds.

TALIESIN: Goddamn it. That's fine. I'm going to shoot it in the foot again, because that's what we do.

MATT: That's cocked.

TALIESIN: Is that cocked? Goddamn it.

MARISHA: It was so close.

TALIESIN: I know. That's okay. That's an 18. 24.

MATT: 24 hits.

MARISHA: You almost critted.

TALIESIN: I know. That's ten points of damage, plus five psychic. And again: strength saving throw.

MATT: That is a 23.

TALIESIN: Goddamn it.

MATT: Natural 16. And pretty strong.

TALIESIN: That's all right. And to make life a little more fun, let's take a head shot, because obviously he doesn't want to go down. And that's a 25. That hits. That's one more of those and one more of these. And that's 11 points of damage, plus three psychic. 14 points of damage and a constitution saving throw.

MATT: All righty. Wow, that's a 26.

TALIESIN: Holy fuck! Never-goddamn-mind. And with that, I'm going to dart in back behind Keyleth.

MARISHA: Wow. That was rough, buddy. I'm sorry.

TALIESIN: Is that as far back as I can get? Yeah. And I'll use my bonus to reload.

MATT: All righty. That ends Percival's turn. Vex, you're up.

LAURA: Hunter's Mark!

MATT: All right. Who are you marking? That guy?

LAURA: That troll that I see.

MATT: That's right. There is the one troll.

LAURA: I'm going to Hunter's Mark Grog.

MATT: Yeah. And there you go.

LAURA: Okay. And I'm going to shoot him.

MATT: Go for it.

LAURA: With a natural one.

MATT: With a natural one! So as you mark him, you pull out the first arrow and you yank backward, and as the arrow string tenses, the actual shaft seems to snap in place. The arrow had somehow dry-rotted through your travels. Chuck it at the ground and pull another.

LAURA: Okay, this one is going to be sharpshooter with Blazing Bowstring, so hopefully-- goddamn it! What the fuck?

LIAM: Oh! Two!

TRAVIS: That's a two.

MATT: All right. So what's the total bonus on that one?

MARISHA: What is happening to us?

LAURA: Oh my god, that's 11 to hit.

MATT: Yeah, that missed. Sorry.

LAURA: Jesus H. Macy!

MATT: So the first arrow shatters in place, then pull out the second one and go to fire, and as you strike, the arrow seems like it should hit it, but instead it hits one of the rags over its shoulder that makes it look like its mass is larger than it is, and it passes through harmlessly, causing the rag to flutter off, revealing its shoulder. You can see the bits of greenish muscle and sinew showing up beneath one of the gashes of his rotted shoulder. You're going to move or Trinket can move?

LAURA: Can I climb up those rocks behind me and stand on the top of them?

MATT: Sure. On top of the rocks there, getting ready to fire.

LAURA: And then Trinket is going to run over and stand next to Pike. He's going to try to protect us.

MATT: There you go. All righty.

LAURA: Can he move far enough to be on the other side of her?

MATT: Nope. What's his movement? Is it 30 or 40?

LAURA: 40.

MATT: 40? He could, actually.

LAURA: Yeah, he goes to the other side.

MATT: He can move over there. Perfect. All right. Ending your turn. Pike's up next.

LIAM: (impact) Kind of a gooch-smashing day, so she's going to walk right up to him and slam it right into his junk, yeah?

LAURA: Really, that's what she's going to do?

LIAM: That is what she's going to do.

LAURA: I guess it's undead. She can't try to turn undead?

LIAM: Well, if she wants to use one of three channel divinities for today.

LAURA: Fine.

LIAM: She's hitting him in the gooch.

LAURA: 23!

LIAM: 23 to hit.

MATT: That hits!

LIAM: All right.

LAURA: Great. Good.

LIAM: Plus the what's it called? Divine strike, so three plus four is seven, plus the 2d8. That ain't a d8. That's 13. 21. To the gooch.

MATT: Nice. (impact) She runs up and slams it with the side of the mace. As it hits, you can see there's a flash of radiant energy and it burns away some of the--

LAURA: It takes an additional 2d6 radiant because he's undead.

LIAM: Yes! That's right. Fiend or undead take extra 2d6 radiant damage.

LAURA: With her Mace of Disruption.

MATT: Correct. What's the additional damage?

LIAM: Whatever I just told you.

SAM: 21.

LIAM: And now I'm going to roll for that extra--

LAURA: I just did; it's seven.

MATT: What was the first damage roll you did to do 21 points of damage to her?

LIAM: That was the Mace of Disruption.

LAURA: 2d6 plus four radiant damage.

LIAM: Plus divine strike. Once on each turn, add 2d8 of weapon damage to your damage total.

LAURA: So that's what all he rolled, and then since it's undead, it's an additional 2d6.

MATT: Yeah, 2d8. Yeah. Fuck yeah! All righty.

LAURA: An additional seven because he's undead.

TRAVIS: So 28 total.

LIAM: (gun cocking) Gooch shot.

MATT: That is actually pretty damn nasty. Worth doing cleric.

LIAM: She needs to jump up to hit it.

TRAVIS: She's at 18, right?

LIAM: What's at 18?

TRAVIS: Pike.

LIAM: We're not sure. 17 or 18. Real life is hazy.

MATT: She can use a bonus action to hit again if she wants. That's one of her war domain abilities.

LAURA: Whoa, fuck yeah!

LIAM: Double gooch shot!

LAURA: One for each.

LIAM: (nonsense) Keep looking at mine. Same thing. 23.

MATT: All right, 23 hits. Roll damage again.

LIAM: (counting) 12 and then the radiant damage. 2d6. So we're at 12 plus five plus-- no, once per turn. 17.

MATT: 17 damage? All righty. So a second hit slams, and you could see the first one where it bursted out, burning, singed the necrotic flash. The second one hits, not as impactful but still, it looks relatively hurt. That ends Pike's go.

LAURA: Can't she move away from him? Oh, no, because he will get an attack.

MATT: She could move back five, but will get an attack of opportunity if she does that.

LIAM: No, she's going to face him down.

MATT: Okay. Grog, you're up.

TRAVIS: I would like to rage and run up and to this doorway. Five, 10, 15, 20. Can I see anything in this room?

MATT: Make a perception check.

TRAVIS: Okay. Five.

MATT: Nope.

TRAVIS: Yep. I don't see anything. Oh, do I feel anything from the black metallic hammer that I'm holding?

LAURA: Oh yeah, you've been trying to attune to it.

MATT: I don't think you've had time yet to fully attune to it.

TALIESIN: He started attuning to it before the break.

(laughter)

LIAM: It's a half hour ago, at this point.

SAM: The break doesn't exist.

TRAVIS: It's not really enough time. Okay.

LAURA: He started attuning to it as soon as Percy felt something from the belt, so if it's been long enough?

LIAM: You can say no.

TRAVIS: I'm going to keep coming in here.

MATT: Sure.

TRAVIS: Really?

MATT: If you want to, I'll let you attune to it.

TRAVIS: Yeah? I'll attune to it. What do I attune to at first?

LIAM: You go blind.

SAM: Insta-death.

MATT: Okay. Go ahead.

LAURA: Are you going to attack the guy with it?

TRAVIS: Well, I don't see anything in the room, right?

MATT: You don't see anything in the room.

TRAVIS: Can I make my way through here?

MATT: You may.

TRAVIS: Okay.

LIAM: (whispering) Grog, I'm so glad we're together at last.

MARISHA: Starts talking to him *again*.

TALIESIN: What if it heals him? He hits him so hard it actually puts health points back into him.

MARISHA: It's Craven Edge. He just got a make-over.

TRAVIS: Can I make a reckless attack against him?

MATT: You may.

TALIESIN: Craven Head.

TRAVIS: Craven Head. That's not great. 22.

MATT: What was the natural roll?

TRAVIS: A six.

MATT: A six? As you swing the hammer, go ahead and roll damage.

LAURA: Oh no. This is something weird.

TRAVIS: 23.

MATT: You suffer 23 points of bludgeoning damage as you swing and clobber yourself across the face with the hammer.

SAM and TALIESIN: What?

TRAVIS: I'm drunk. (laughs)

LAURA: Is it like if you roll below a certain thing you hit yourself instead?

TRAVIS: 23, so half of that is 12. 11.

MATT: So you pull back and (whack). You're taken aback by it.

TALIESIN: I'm so amused.

TRAVIS: I try again.

MATT: Roll for an attack.

LAURA: Oh my god, roll high!

TRAVIS: Reckless, great weapon master.

MARISHA: Why do you always get the fucked-up weapon?

TRAVIS: Natural 20!

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: This is going to knock him out.

MATT: Roll damage.

LIAM: Finally, an enemy that can kill Grog.

TRAVIS: I've been doing a d12. Is that appropriate for the hammer?

MATT: No, did you do a d12 last time?

TRAVIS: Yeah. So I'd to do a d10?

MATT: For the warhammer.

TRAVIS: Two-handed.

MATT: Warhammer is 1d8, but if you're a versatile two-handed, it's a d10.

TRAVIS: Let's do that.

MATT: So. It's time for the last one. Since you took it to the face.

TALIESIN: That'd be amazing!

LIAM: No, it wouldn't.

TRAVIS: 22, 32. 38.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: 39.

MATT: 39?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

SAM: That's with the double?

LAURA: Wait, you forgot to add stuff?

TRAVIS: Yeah, hold on. SAM: It's a crit, right?

LIAM: Double the dice.

TRAVIS: 46.

MATT: 46, okay. So you reach back with the hammer after shaking your head, and with a giant, angry yell, (yelling) the hammer comes down and cracks into the face of the troll, causing his head to push into his ribcage, and it falls to the ground.

LAURA: He's going to get back up.

MATT: No, it does not make its saving throw. It falls to the ground, unmoving. Crushed.

TRAVIS: That was better. Ow.

MATT: All right, is that your turn, Grog?

TRAVIS: That is.

MATT: Vax, you're up.

LIAM: So next I'm up?

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Oh, that other room.

LAURA: Is there other shit in there?

TALIESIN: We don't know what's in there.

LIAM: Right. I'm going to move past Pike, past the troll, and hold my action should anything come from that room.

MATT: Okay, what are you holding?

LIAM: If I see a creature running at any of us, I'm going to throw.

MATT: Okay, good to know. That ends your turn, holding your action. Rushing around the corner immediately, you hear this (growling) as these black-drooling undead trolls, their eyes like a jet-black bead, hints of light hitting the shine of it, like shark eyes. This one rushes past.

LAURA: He goes for Keyleth?

MATT: Right up to there. And then this one, here. Go ahead. LIAM: Yeah. (dagger noises) Okay.

TALIESIN: Fuck shit up.

LIAM: I'm going before them in the order. Does that mean I get advantage, due to assassin?

MATT: No, because this is their turn. You're reacting to their action.

LIAM: Cool,. 25 for the first.

MATT: Hits.

LIAM: Okay. Second is a 25.

MATT: Hits.

LIAM: Third is a 15.

MATT: You don't get a bonus action, because this is only an action you held.

LIAM: Oh, okay. Cool.

MATT: Which I probably forgot that earlier; it's fine.

LIAM: Right, so what did I say for the first two?

MATT: They both hit.

LIAM: Okay, cool. But no sneak attack at all, so here they come. First one is 11, plus psychic damage is 17 for the first, and the second one is 15 for the second. 17 and 15.

MATT: 17 and 15?

LAURA: Those are good attacks without sneak attack.

MATT: So as it turns around the corner (snarling) and it goes into a sprint towards you, rushing forward, it's going to go ahead and attack you twice with its claws and one with its bite. The claw attack is 20.

LIAM: No.

MATT: You dodge out of the first claw. It strikes upward with its other hand. That is a 22.

LIAM: That does hit. I'll use uncanny dodge on it.

MATT: Okay. 17 points of slashing damage reduced to eight. Eight points slashing damage, and its bite attack. That's a natural 20.

LIAM: That hits.

MATT: However, it only rolled a one on the damage. You take six points of piercing damage, and I need you to make a constitution saving throw.

LIAM: Balls. Okay. (singing) Don't fail me, Raven Queen, like you've done so many times before. (speaking) That is a 17.

MATT: Did you drop it, or did you roll it intentionally?

LIAM: What do you mean? I'll roll it again, if you want. I don't care. I'm rolling it again! That's way worse: nine.

TRAVIS: It looked like he dropped it.

MATT: It looked like you dropped it. Okay. Good to know. All right. So then the other one that's rushing up to you, Keyleth, is going to attack you, as well. That is a 17 to hit?

MARISHA: Yeah, that hits.

SAM: I'm going to use Cutting Words to take that down.

MARISHA: Oh, thanks, man.

SAM: That's all right. I will yell at the troll: Oi, troll, I would kick your ass, but I don't want troll shit on my foot.

(laughter)

MATT: Go ahead and roll your d12.

TRAVIS: We know, baby.

LIAM: You've just peaked, Sam.

SAM: Eight.

MATT: Yeah. So with that enough of a distraction, his head turns to you over her shoulder, and the swing goes wide. Second claw strike.

MARISHA: Only because I turn around at Scanlan and go: (laughs) That's good. Aw, yeah.

MATT: Which is just enough for it to roll a 19 on his second attack with the claw.

MARISHA: And I go: Ugh! Yeah.

MATT: Which deals 14 points of slashing damage, and it's going to go in for a bite after the claw strikes at you and grabs your shoulder and it pulls you in. Its troll mouth almost seems to hyperextend as it snaps down towards your shoulder. That is a 22.

MARISHA: Not the mantle! Yeah, that hits.

MATT: All right. You take eight points of piercing damage, and make a constitution saving throw.

SAM: Constitution saving throw.

LIAM: Let me take my antlers off.

MARISHA: Hold my antlers! Yeah, that's good. 19.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Hold my antlers, girl.

MARISHA: Okay?

MATT: That brings us to the one. So the one on the ground that had been slaughtered by Pike, its wounds seem to heal up slightly, and as it gets up from the ground, it's going to strike out towards Pike. Getting up from prone. So the first strike is-- that's cocked. That is 24 to hit.

LIAM: Yes.

MATT: All right. She takes eight points of slashing damage.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: Second attack is (counting) 25.

LAURA: No, 25 to hit.

LIAM: That hits, yeah.

MATT: Ten points of slashing damage, and as it grabs both sides of her armor, it's going to actually lift her off the ground and pull her towards its mouth. Its jaw (snarling) opens up to almost alligator-chomp down on her. The sides of its mouth almost curve back towards its neck.

LIAM: That's fucked up, Matt.

MATT: That is going to be a seven plus nine, a 16, which I don't believe-- she brings her shield up just in place, and as the top jaw comes down on the edge of her shoulder armor, the shield takes the bottom jaw, and she just manages to wrestle it off of her and land on her feet, unscathed by the bite. That's going to end their turn. Scanlan, you're up.

SAM: Me? Oh god. I'm not wasting my shit on them.

LAURA: I know. That's the problem. None of us want to do anything.

LIAM: Yeah. We're just going to slog. Slog it out, man, slog it out.

(laughter)

MATT: So you're moving up to this guy?

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: All righty. There you go.

TRAVIS: Come on, 20!

SAM: 16. That's a 26 to hit. Yeah, 1d8! Three! Plus four, that's seven. Oh, but wait, there's more! Plus four. 11 points of damage.

MATT: 11 points of damage. As you rush up and slip it right into the sternum of the troll creature, it goes through and points out the other side. It goes (snarl). You pull it out.

SAM: Like a matador, I turn my back to him, because I don't think he can hit me. I don't think he's got it in him.

MATT: Perfect! Percival, you're up.

TALIESIN: That one that just got up is irritating me, so I'm going to start by shooting him in the face.

LIAM: Yes, please.

TALIESIN: That's irritating. So that's a 32 to hit.

MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

TALIESIN: That's 12 points of damage plus five psychic, so 17 points of damage.

MATT: 17 points of damage. All right. So as you hit it, (gunshot) you blow a large chunk out of its side, a wound that should have knocked it down, and it still stands and looks towards you (growling).

TALIESIN: That's irritating. All right. Hitting it again. That's 26 to hit. And that's, ugh! Nine points of damage and one psychic. That's ten points of damage.

MATT: All right. Ten points of damage. (chuckles) Once again, another shot (gunshot) blows out part of its ribcage, and you see organs (slurping) slop out onto the ground, and it--

TALIESIN: For fuck's sake. Are we missing something here?

LAURA: They're regenerating. Something's holding them together.

LIAM: Well, it could be their version of Death Ward.

TALIESIN: Yeah, fine, all right. I'm taking a third shot on that one.

MARISHA: Is it we're going to have to do radiant damage?

MATT: You've fought trolls before.

SAM: I don't remember them. When were they?

MARISHA: That was a long time ago.

TRAVIS: Doesn't fire work on trolls?

LIAM: Fire does work on trolls, yes.

LAURA: That's why I was hoping my bowstrings would work, but I missed my shot.

TRAVIS: Well, that was dumb.

TALIESIN: Well, irritated by that one, I'm going to turn my attention to the one that's bothering Keyleth and Scanlan, and I'm going to take a headshot at it. Burning grit, because fuck it, it regenerates. Let's take a headshot. And that's 32 to hit.

MATT: That'll hit.

TALIESIN: And that's 16 points of damage plus three psychic, so that's 19 points of damage. And he has to do a constitution saving throw.

MATT: 26.

TALIESIN: God fucking damn it. Stop it.

MATT: I'm sorry. I'm rolling really well for their saving throws.

TALIESIN: That's really irritating. I wasted so much grit, and nothing's happened. All right, I'm going to back up even further out of the room. I'm going to back up to the very edge.

MATT: All right. So we'll say you back up over there. You're now backing down into the tunnel where you guys had risen up before you got to the door.

LIAM and LAURA: T-pose, please.

MATT: All right, that ends Percival's turn. Vex, you're up.

TALIESIN: We need some fire.

LAURA: Yeah, I don't have any of that. Well, but my Blazing Bowstring. I'm going to try it.

TRAVIS: Maybe something else, like poison or acid? Isn't it acid?

LAURA: I'm going to shoot the one that I tried to hit before.

MATT: Okay. Want to leave Hunter's Mark on it, still?

LAURA: Yeah. I'm going to do it. I'm going to try sharpshooter again.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Goddamn it. That doesn't hit. (sighs) Okay, I'm going to try it again.

MATT: So was it a three?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Plus?

LAURA: Plus 14, minus five.

MATT: Yeah, no.

LAURA: That one hits! That definitely hits.

LIAM: It's on foam, but it's good.

LAURA: That is, yeah. So that hits, right?

MATT: Yeah, that hits.

LAURA: Okay. I didn't say Blazing Bowstring, so it doesn't count. 14 plus one lightning damage. Yeah, sneak attack.

MARISHA: Hey, Grog.

TRAVIS: What?

MARISHA: You're good on health, yeah?

TRAVIS: (scoffs) Yeah.

LAURA: Plus six is 14 for the sneak attack. and then five for Hunter's Mark.

MATT: Okay. And Blazing Bowstring?

LAURA: I didn't say Blazing Bowstring.

MATT: Oh, yeah. Okay. So the arrow (impact) hits it in the chest area. You watch as part of its ribcage caves in from the blow, and it actually exits out the back. None of the flesh seem to stop it, and it (choking) falls to the ground, unmoving.

LAURA: For my bonus-- oh wait, that's a 4th-level spell. Should I use it or not?

MARISHA: Save it.

LAURA: All right, I'll save it. I'm going to transfer the Hunter's Mark to the one attacking my brother.

MATT: As your bonus action? All right.

LAURA: And then Trinket is going to run up and stand next to my brother so you can get flank attack.

LIAM: Love you.

MATT: There you go. Perfect. That ends Vex's turn. Pike's up.

LIAM: Oh jeez. Okay. So I think--

TRAVIS: (singing) Fire!

LAURA: Should she do turn undead?

LIAM: She could turn undead, but how far are they? They're probably too far apart. Well, no, she could stand between them and do it.

LAURA: Each undead she can see within 30 feet.

LIAM: 30 feet. So she stands between. She's going to climb up on-- no, I'm not going to say that. She's going to take a step diagonally down this way and then turnt undead.

MATT: Turnt undead? That's a whole different ability.

LIAM: Wisdom saving throw. Spell save is 18. If they're challenge rating four or lower, they're blowed up.

MATT: They are not challenge rating four or lower. It's a wisdom save?

LIAM: Yeah, wisdom save, and that just means they're scared.

MATT: Yeah, they all fail.

LAURA: Yeah! They're scared of her!

MATT: As she holds up her holy symbol, you watch as this radiant glow in the shape of Sarenrae emits from behind her. These giant golden wings emerge, and for a moment, you can see the beautiful dark complexion and flaming hair rise behind Pike. As that scatters outward, you watch as the faces of these undead troll creatures all of a sudden shift into this look of absolute horror, and they all go (guttural groan) and begin to make their way to turn and run.

TRAVIS: Turn and run?

LAURA: Yeah, they have to move away.

LIAM: Move as far away as you can from the person. Also cannot take reactions. For its action, it can use only the dash action. All they can do is run.

LAURA: If it's got nowhere to move, it can use dodge.

TRAVIS: (singing) A do ron-ron-ron, a do ron-ron.

MATT: Exactly. How long does that last?

LAURA: It doesn't say, does it? One minute, or until it takes any damage.

MATT: Right. Okay. So that ends Pike's turn. Okay. Grog, you're up.

TRAVIS: Fe fi fo fuck it! Can I run over here? (counting) And I'm going to smashy pants the troll. Reckless, great weapon master.

MATT: All right, go for it.

TRAVIS: Natural 20. That's the third one today! That's a d10, though. Right, d10?

MATT: d10, yeah.

TRAVIS: (counting) 63.

MATT: (laughing) Oh shit. As you rush up behind, as it's turning to run away from Pike, (snarl) it turns around and its face comes right up to yours as you go (whack). Its jaw rockets off and scatters across the ground.

LAURA: Nice. At least it can't do a bite attack any more.

MATT: You think that.

TRAVIS: You think that. It's got upper teeth.

MATT: Yeah. It's more of a jagged headbutt. So that's your first attack.

TRAVIS: Same thing. 19.

MATT: A natural what?

TRAVIS: A natural-- shit, what was it? So it was a-- shit, I can't do reverse math.

SAM: You mean subtraction.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Oh man. What the hell?

TRAVIS: (laughing) Oh no! That hurt my brain. It was an eight. Thank you.

MATT: All right. Does 19 hit your armor class?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: Roll damage.

TRAVIS: This guy has got up and down. Oh, no, now I can't do math at all. 24. 34.

MATT: You suffer 34 points of bludgeoning damage.

TRAVIS: Nice. So 17.

LIAM: So he didn't strike the troll at all?

MATT: No. You knock the jaw off, and as you swing back with a backwards strike, the arm seems to swing around in a circle, and then clobber you in the back of the head and you're like (grunts). You spit blood on the ground, and you feel the ringing in the back of your skull.

LAURA: What the fuck is this stupid-ass hammer?

TALIESIN: He's so excited.

MATT: You guys look over and watch as Grog bludgeons himself in the back of the head.

MARISHA: I didn't know you were so flexible, Grog.

LAURA: Are you drunk?

TRAVIS: A little, yep.

MATT: Ending Grog's turn. Vax, you're up. That guy's no longer frightened, by the way, because you did to damage to it.

TRAVIS: As my bonus action-- I do have a bonus action-- can I use my second wind?

MATT: You may.

TRAVIS: Thank you. 1d10. (counting) 11 points.

MATT: There you go. What are you doing, Vax?

LIAM: What I'm going to do is turn to Trinket really quick and say, guard this dead thing, and then I'm going to use my movement and dash action, if necessary, to sprint around and flank that troll between me and Grog.

MATT: All right. Because it is frightened, and it's within view of Pike, it does not make an attack of opportunity on you. It doesn't even notice you. You step over and rush this way, and you are now there flanking it with Keyleth.

LIAM: Flanking with Keyleth? Okay.

MATT: You could do Scanlan if you wanted to move there.

LIAM: If Keyleth is on the other side-- as long as I'm flanking, either way.

MATT: So do you want to go the other way, against Grog?

LIAM: No, I'm fine. I'm flanking with Keyleth right now? To the butt.

MARISHA: I might drop a Fireball on your ass.

LIAM: That's fine. 28 on the first. And ooh, 30-something on the second.

MATT: Yeah, they both hit.

LIAM: Okay, so first one is (counting) 11 plus psychic is 12, plus those guys. (counting) 28 for that one. Sorry.

MATT: 28 points of damage? Hold on. Yeah, it falls to the ground, unmoving (gurgle) as you stab it in the back of the skull. You guys watch as the dagger, as Whisper (splat) protrudes from the front of the skull and it (gurgle, splat) and slumps to the ground.

LIAM: That was the first one. The second one I'm going to shove it down into its eye socket and just grind it around for the second attack, even though it's down.

MATT: Okay, so it's on the ground. It's easy enough. You go ahead and grab the back of its motionless skull, jam in, dig around and scramble the brains on the inside with your dagger. Okay.

LIAM: That's it. Done.

MATT: Ending Vax's turn. The corpse on the ground, as you're scrambling its brains, suddenly its other eye flickers open. It reaches up and grabs you, and from the ground, it's going to use you to pull itself back up.

LAURA: We've got to chop it up or set it on fire.

MATT: At this point, it's going to take a claw attack at you. That is a 20.

LIAM: Nope.

MATT: As it tries to claw at you, you barely dodge out of the way. Your hair (whoosh) as it passes. It's going to spin around and claw at Scanlan behind with a 17?

SAM: Yeah, of course.

MATT: Nine points of slashing damage. And after it finds purchase on you, it realizes that you're a little more vulnerable. Its claws still dug in your shoulder, it's going to pull you in and it's going to attempt to, using its upper jaw, jam its teeth down into you; the lower jaw with the tongue is dangling out at this point. That is 25.

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: You take five points of piercing damage and make a constitution saving throw.

LAURA: What does that mean?

LIAM: I did a constitution save 20 minutes ago.

LAURA: I know. I don't know what it means!

SAM: That's pretty good. 23.

MATT: Okay. All righty. This one's going to get back up from the ground, it's going to crawl its way back to its feet and it's going to unload on Pike again, as she's right there.

TALIESIN: It hasn't been hit yet since she--

MATT: It was dead when she did turn undead; it was not affected by it. But it has since regenerated itself back.

LIAM: Was it dead or was it undead? I'm just being stupid; go for it.

MATT: No worries. Yeah, unfortunately, its body was not moving; it was not actively present and able to pay attention when the first effect happened. That's four plus 11, that's not a hit. That's 15. That's a 14. Then with its bite attack that is a 22. What's her armor class?

LAURA: 23.

MATT: 23 with the shield, yeah. It goes to bite towards her, its jaw tearing open, the muscle actually stretching and pulling with each bite as its body's falling apart, and she beats it back with her armor and shield. No effect. And this one here, which has not been damaged, is going to go ahead and run the fuck away. You guys don't even see where it is right now. All right. That brings us to Scanlan's turn.

SAM: All right. Jesus. There's all these people around. All right, I’m going to step away from the troll, and I'm going to light it up.

MATT: Okay. As you step back, it's going to go ahead and make--

SAM: I thought it was frightened!

MATT: No, it was until he hit it. It's going to try and swing its bite at you once more. That is a 15.

SAM: Yeah.

LAURA: Jeez, Scanlan! You need better armor!

MARISHA: Matt! Did you skip me?

MATT: No, you were last; you're after Scanlan.

TRAVIS: Yeah, remember you rolled shit?

MARISHA: No, I know. Yeah, no, I remember that.

MATT: Or did I skip you last turn, you mean?

MARISHA: This is the second time he's going, right?

MATT: Correct. Oh, I must have skipped you last turn! I'm so sorry!

MARISHA: It's okay. I don't think I've done anything yet. I've only dodged.

MATT: No, I'll give you two rounds after this. It's my fault. That's totally my fault. I'm sorry.

MARISHA: That's okay.

MATT: So anyway, that's six points of piercing damage to you. Make a constitution saving throw.

SAM: Ooh, natural 20.

MATT: All right. Keyleth. What are you doing, twice, because it's my fault?

SAM: It's still my turn.

MATT: Oh, that's right, sorry.

SAM: Fireball! Wand of Fireball.

MATT: To who?

SAM: To that troll who just hit me. I was backing away.

LAURA: You're going to smoke everybody?

SAM: I asked!

LIAM: I'll be fine.

MARISHA: You can place it to where it might hit both of them and not us.

SAM: Is it that big?

LIAM: Yeah, dude.

SAM: Oh shit! Well, then yeah, I'm smoking them both.

MATT: All right. In order to do that, you're going to hit Pike, Vax, and Grog.

SAM: Sorry, friends!

MATT: That's okay. Pike has fire resistance.

TRAVIS: You don't have to hit me!

MATT: I need Grog, Vax and Pike to make dexterity saving throws.

LAURA: Is it possible to do it without hitting Grog?

MATT: No. Not at that size. He probably could, but it'll hit Trinket. Your choice.

LAURA: It's Scanlan's choice.

MATT: Scanlan, Grog or Trinket? You're going to hit one or the other.

SAM: Absolutely Grog. I love my Trinket.

TRAVIS: But he goes back into the necklace.

SAM: All right, you're right. Then I'll hit Trinket.

LAURA: You're a dick.

MATT: All right. Roll a dexterity save for Trinket.

LAURA: Oh, motherfuck!

LIAM: I already rolled terribly for Pike.

SAM: It's a wand, so I'm using three charges. It's 10d6.

MATT: Oh! Right! All right. So 10d6 points of fire damage.

LAURA: 11.

SAM: I have zero d6 right now. I don't what happened to mine.

LIAM: Pike got a five. Vax got a 20.

MATT: Okay, and your spell, what's the DC on the wand? 15? So yeah, you succeed. You take no damage, being a rogue.

LIAM: Lovely.

MATT: That's a good roll.

SAM: 40.

MATT: So 40 points of fire damage. 20 to Pike, because she's resistant. None to that. 40 to Trinket. You watch as both of the standing trolls scatter to ash. They turn to burned dust and nothing as their bodies are consumed by the flame of the fireball, leaving nothing but smoke and a shadow of their form against the wall. All right, Scanlan. That ends your turn?

SAM: Yeah, and to refresh, that's a wand. Does that still use my spell slot?

MATT: No, the wand has charges on it.

LAURA: Can you use that wand again?

SAM: Yeah, it regenerates after a long rest. I have to roll for it.

LIAM: But it's not a one-shot; it's got several charges, right?

SAM: It's got several charges. It's got more in it.

MATT: Did you write down how many charges it has?

TALIESIN: Vax, do you want to check for traps and see if there's anything interesting in there?

MATT: Keyleth, what do you want to do? There's still one troll over here that ran out of sight.

MARISHA: He ran out of sight?

SAM: Well, let's go plunder the loot.

MARISHA: You guys go plunder the loot. I'll creep over.

MATT: I'm sorry about missing your turn. I feel so bad about it.

MARISHA: That's okay! You're so cute.

MATT: So you're going where?

MARISHA: I want to see if I can see him.

MATT: Six, and you're going to dash with your action to move over?

MARISHA: Can I not see him?

MATT: Not with your basic movement, no. There's a wall. Okay, so you move around the corner and you watch as the troll is currently locked in the corner with its back to the wall, going, (monster noises).

MARISHA: I go, hey it's okay, calm-- Fireball! Out of the staff.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!

MATT: Yeah, no, that won't hit anything but himself and the surrounding chamber. Go ahead and roll damage on that.

MARISHA: (counting) Can I get two more d6s from you?

MATT: You're doing a standard 8d6?

MARISHA: It's out of my staff. I can't do any more, right? Reroll, yep. (singing) Like a d6, like a like a d6! (counting) 35 damage.

MATT: 35 damage. All righty. (explosion) The explosion hits and bursts around. The flames burn, and you can see some flames are catching on the troll. (monster noises). Still alive.

MARISHA: Okay, I'm going to take my bonus action to do something I've never done before. I'm going to trace, from my staff, and pull out a flame blade. (shing)

MATT: Okay! So you guys watch as Keyleth puts her fingers across the top of the staff. Where her fingers arc around, it creates this arc of fire, and when she stops she grabs on to a hilt that didn't exist, but now does, in her hand. That arc of flame that stayed suddenly solidifies into a scimitar-like blade that's in her hand.

LAURA: You can do that?!

LIAM: She's a fucking Jedi!

MATT: All right, that ends your turn? All right, Percy.

LAURA: You didn't even see it!

LIAM: I can imagine it in the abstract universe, though. I sure can, Laura Bailey! I sure can!

SAM: Well, look who's back in the fight.

TALIESIN: Yeah, that's all. Ain't nothing else happening. Just taking a look. Yeah, she's got this.

MATT: All right, ends Percival's turn. Vex, you're up.

LAURA: No, I'm going to fly over. Can I get to a place where I can see the troll? Well, how many is this?

MATT: Are you going to fly down?

LAURA: I have 50 feet on my broom.

LIAM: You could dash. Broom dash.

MATT: You'd get right around there and see it.

LAURA: I'm going to shoot him! And he's still Hunter's Marked!

MATT: He is, yes.

LAURA: 17?

MATT: 17 does hit.

LAURA: Oh, thank god. I didn't say it; it didn't happen. 13 plus three lightning damage. Plus one Hunter's Mark.

MATT: The first strike hits it. It still has the fire trailing up its body. Second shot?

LAURA: 21.

MATT: That hits.

SAM: Say the thing that you wanted to say.

LAURA: The Blazing Bowstring? Blazing Bowstring. Sorry. I only get two per short rest, so if we don't rest, then I don't get it again! Six lightning damage, plus nine, plus two. 11.

MATT: Both arrows hit it in the chest. One, two! It's still standing there, the flames curling around it. The ceiling, by the way, from the impact of the Fireball, is looking pretty fragile.

LAURA: But that's the exit. That's where we need to go to?

MATT: You do see, Keyleth, from this perspective, there's a small opening on the far wall where it looks like possibly whoever raided this vault had previously tunneled into it.

LAURA: Shit! Would Trinket have been able to make it over to him?

MATT: It would've been really close. Probably not. You don't know. It's possible. End of your turn, Vex? Pike's up.

LIAM: Pike saw Keyleth go running down that way, so she is going to run after her. (counting) She can't see the troll from there, right?

MATT: She can see the troll just past the corner, there.

LIAM: She can see the troll? Oh my god, I think it's time for a Guiding Bolt!

LAURA: (singing) Guiding Bolt up the butt!

MATT: That's our next T-shirt. Guiding Bolt up the butt!

LIAM: Range 120 feet. A flash of light streaks toward a creature of your choice within range. Make a ranged spell attack against the target. On a hit, the target takes 4d6 radiant damage and the next attack roll-- okay. Yeah, make a spell ranged attack plus ten, because it's Pike. Yeah, you've got to attack. Yo, here's the white die you gave me. 13 plus ten is 23.

MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

TRAVIS: Extra damage because it's undead?

LAURA: I don't think so. 12. Guiding Bolt!

LIAM: Specifically toward the taint, Matt. Pike's on a tear today.

MATT: All right, so. As she comes around the corner, the holy symbol in one hand, clutching behind the shield, she notches the edge of the the mace at the edge of her belt and releases a bolt of energy. How do you want to do this? Because the radiant damage shuts down the undead fortitude, and the fire knocks down the regeneration.

LIAM: The Guiding Bolt streaks through the air, loops down to the ground, up through the butt, up out the head, and out the mouth. Everyone vaguely hears, "That's my Pike." And its head explodes.

MATT: You see the radiant energy bursting out of its eyes, and as it screams, its head blasted upward, the energy bursting its mouth, the jaw begins to burn away as the flames left over from the Fireball consume the rest of its body. It tumbles to its knees and burns into this skeletal mass that turns to ash on the ground.

LIAM: That happened in six seconds. It was like, (explosions).

LAURA: We need to get out of here. It's crumbling.

TRAVIS: There are chests about.

MARISHA: I take my flaming sword and do a few Jedi kid moves. When no one's looking, go (lightsaber noises).

LAURA: I go check for traps on that chest right there.

MATT: Make an investigation check.

LAURA: 14.

MATT: 14? Okay. Does not appear to be trapped.

LAURA: All right, then I'm going to open it.

MATT: You open it? There are seven gold pieces, two silver, and the rest of it's empty.

LAURA: Awesome. Look at all this money!

TALIESIN: I'll check for traps.

MATT: Investigation check.

TALIESIN: It's a 22.

MATT: 22, okay. Room does not appear to be trapped, from what you can see.

TALIESIN: I'm going to check that trunk. The chest.

MATT: You're going to check that for traps, as well?

TALIESIN: This is not quite as-- seven.

MATT: Make a perception check. Seven? Doesn't appear to be trapped.

TALIESIN: I open it.

MATT: Opens. It's not locked. There's about 12 pieces of gold, two copper, a silver. This place has been cleared out.

LAURA: I'm going to pick up that little pile of gold, those couple pieces of gold I see on the ground.

MATT: You gather what amounts to about 35 gold pieces from there. Keyleth, what did you roll? 26? You're watching as one of the supports that-- The ceilings here are pretty solid. The one on the far end here has sustained damage from the Fireball and the drilling entry of whoever came in here previously, and the constant moves of the titan. At which point, you watch and you feel the (rumbling), the most recent footfall of the titan. The whole ceiling right there in the corner goes (crashing). This entire chamber.

SAM: The door's covered!

LAURA: Can you get through it, Keyleth?

TRAVIS: Remember, there were three different ways, though, and we took one.

SAM: That's the one we need, though.

LIAM: Okay, realizing that the druid and the goliath are going to have to figure that out, Vax walks to the middle there and starts to take a wee in the corner. It's been a long time.

TRAVIS: Do we want to go through the collapsed doorway, or do we want to go back to one of the other tunnels?

LAURA: Whatever other tunnel options, there's probably other monsters, trolls, fucking undead waiting there, too.

SAM: This is on you, Grog. No, don't use any spells. Don't use any spells. Grog, punch through this shit.

MARISHA: Wait, I can Commune with Nature and maybe figure out the tunnel system, or depending on where we are and if we think we're on that time crunch and we want to get going-- I didn't want to burn this yet. I did bring Find the Path, which is a one-day concentration spell which gets us to where we want to go as quick as possible. But I don't know. Can I do that with Thar Amphala?

SAM: Don't you need to know where you're going for that spell to work?

MARISHA: Well, if we're getting to Thar Amphala.

SAM: It's a big city.

MATT: It's concentration for up to one day, but if you lose concentration halfway through--

MARISHA: Which is why I haven't wanted to do it yet, until we felt like we needed to go.

MATT: To a specific, fixed location you're familiar with in the same plane of existence. So you could, in theory, say, "Thar Amphala," and it would guide you to the fastest path there until you lost concentration.

MARISHA: I'm just saying, we have that at our disposal when we feel. Do we want to do a quick Commune with Nature, then, to try and get paths? It's going to take a few minutes, though.

SAM: What would that tell you?

MARISHA: I could get an idea of the tunnel system for a three-mile radius.

LIAM: Yeah, let her do her thing. I think we can afford a few minutes. Then Grog could finish attuning-- oh, you did. That "stop hitting yourself" hammer was attuned.

TRAVIS: Oh yeah, have I finished attuning with the black hammer of face-smash?

SAM: Is the hammer called the Stop Hitting Yourself hammer?

MATT: Best you can make out with it, it is an adamantine hammer, but there is something wrong about its enchantment. There is something about it that is locked into your soul at the moment. It's occupying a portion of yourself.

LIAM: You are going to crit on Vecna and K.O. yourself.

MATT: Pike, you guys have dealt with cursed item before. This is a cursed item.

LIAM: Greater Restoration? I'm looking.

TRAVIS: Do I know it's cursed? It's a familiar feeling? From Craven Edge?

MATT: Well, Craven wasn't cursed. Craven was intelligent. This is something has sunk into you.

LAURA: She's going to try to Greater Restoration Grog.

LIAM: She'll grab him by the cheeks and squish the cheeks and say, "Grog, don't go touching things you don't know what they are!" Cast Greater Restoration.

MATT: Okay, so mark off the Greater Restoration. As you feel the hammer in your hand, it's like your fingers won't let go of it. They're almost clenched to it. The minute she touches you, you feel this warmth pass through your body, through your arms, to your hand. With that, your fingers widen and the hammer falls to the ground, there. That hold that it had on you is lifted.

TRAVIS: I think I'm going to leave this here, if that's cool with you guys.

LIAM: She gives you the mom look and goes, "Don't touch it, okay?"

LAURA: Do you have time to attune to your other thing?

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'll pick up the Blood Axe out of the Bag of Holding and start attuning to that again. Old trusty Blood Axe.

MATT: So you guys are taking a short rest to attune? In caves and other natural underground settings. Make a nature check. The radius is only 300 feet when you're underground.

MARISHA: Okay, 25.

MATT: 25. One, this is not a natural underground location. The entirety of this area is the inside of an ancient, powerful elemental entity. Also, the spell doesn't function where nature has been replaced by construction, such as dungeons and towns, so for the most part,f that spell would not aid you. My apologies.

MARISHA: But you're not letting me cast it, right?

MATT: I'm not letting you cast it. That nature check was to see whether or not the surroundings would help you, so you know not to waste that spell. So as you take your short rest, you attune to your proper weapon, and you begin to talk amongst yourselves as to what the next proper path or action to take is as you climb through the crypts toward your destination. We're going to go ahead and end tonight's session there. It's just past 11.

TRAVIS: I've got to take a picture of this.

MATT: Great game, guys. Well done. We'll pick this up in a couple weeks. This is an upward dungeon crawl. This is fun.

TRAVIS: He must have fallen against a mountain in an upright manner.

MATT: Oh, the titan? The titan was thrust into the ground in a mountain range. The mountain range rose up around it. Technically you wouldn't know this, but it doesn't matter. Part of the battle that smote the titan thrust it downward and created the mountain range around it.

TRAVIS: That's amazing. Nice job, Matt!

MATT: Nice job to you guys! That was awesome. We'll pick this up in a couple weeks. You guys will return next week, where you'll get to see this awesome man run his awesome game!

SAM: It's going to be awesome! It's all set in the world of Alice in Wonderland.

LAURA: Is it?

SAM: No!

LIAM: Guys, have so much fucking fun on the playa. Recharge, reset, energize, go nuts. Miss you.

MATT: We'll miss you too, guys.

SAM: Any critters who are on the playa with these guys, they will take off their clothes if you ask them.

LIAM: No! They need to recharge! Give them some space, let them recharge!

MARISHA: If you see me topless, please don't take a photo.

MATT: Why would you say that?!

MARISHA: It was a joke! It was a fucking joke that the internet will take too seriously, I'm sure.

LIAM: I'll be topless on Sam's one-shot. You can look at me instead.

MARISHA: If you see Liam topless, take all the photos.

LIAM: Push-ups for seven days; here we go!

MATT: All right, guys. Well, we're going to take off. Thank you so much for joining us tonight. Rest well, and is it Thursday yet? Good night!

[music]